#i just....he does not look like ANYTHING like NOWHERE IN THE VICINITY OF my image of murderbot

[theskyexists]

They cast some white guy as murderbot......

[aminiatureworld]

In My Dreams IV

Characters: Xiao, fm!reader

Word Count: 3,167

Warnings: Brief depiction of violence, nightmares

Premise: The past is many things. Something to admire, something to learn from, something to hold dear. And yet how unreliable it can be, especially in the hands of ghosts.

In which the reader dreams of the past.

Author’s Note: Translation notes and historical references will come after the fic. This one was a little sketchy/ooc, prolly because I’m tired.

Xiao

If there was one thing that you appreciated most about your relationship with Xiao it was the fact that he never attempted to cage your independence.

Though the adeptus had a penchant for clinginess – something he’d never actually admit to – the circumstances of both his and your past had set a standard for a level of separation that you greatly appreciated. You were never pressured to tell Xiao about things you weren’t comfortable sharing and in return you never pressed your partner in regards to topics or events that made him somewhat uncomfortable.

And yet there was something very isolating about such a freedom.

It was an ordinary enough commission, laughably so in fact, the kind that you could knock back in ten minutes flat if you put a little effort into it. Treasure Hoarders were once more encroaching on Liyue, this time gathering at the vicinity of Dunyu Ruins, something that would surely be a hazard to the archaeologists who gathered to study the lost jade monument. The act of chasing out the Treasure Hoarders was indeed easy enough, and it was only until you started rifling through their loot that you found yourself uneasy.

The lid was an innocuous enough item. Though the box that it once covered was nowhere to be found it must’ve been a work of art, as the smooth tortoiseshell lid was clearly the result of patience and love. Painted a deep blue it depicted a snowy scene, with a castle or cathedral at the front and center. The building itself was of a unique design; a tall turret stuck out at the top while small onion domes sat a little lower, each painted a more outlandish color than the last. The architecture was completely unlike what one might see in either Liyue or Mondstadt, and really there should’ve been nothing to it except the odd design of the building. Yet the moment you set your eyes upon the building you felt something harden in the pit of your stomach.

You never thought about what you couldn’t remember; after all, what was the point of it? Why mourn something you weren’t even sure was good or bad? Yet in that moment you felt that you would give very little to not remember just a little bit. At least enough to know why the image of a cathedral in the snow made you wish deeply for something you couldn’t remember, and frightened you just as much.

“Something’s wrong with you face.”

“Xiao!” You sputtered, surprised by the sudden bluntness of your partner. “My face is just fine, a little dirt won’t kill me.”

“That’s not it.” Xiao scowled. “Your face is harder than usual. Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened! Sometimes I just don’t smile, okay?” You instinctively moved the corners of your mouth upwards, trying to ignore the sudden jump in your heart rate. “I’m fine.”

Xiao looked supremely unimpressed at your efforts, sighing and flying up to the balcony of the Inn. You sighed, letting your expression once more droop. It was easy sometimes to forget how in tune Xiao was. You wouldn’t expect it from an adeptus who had spent thousands of years mostly secluded from humans, but your partner was impressively good at reading your mood. Usually you didn’t mind the ability of his, even welcoming the fact that he so bluntly brought up the question of your feelings. But today you wished despite yourself that he was a little less aware. After all, how could you explain to your partner what you didn’t even understand yourself?

The rest of the night was oddly tense. Though Xiao said nothing you could tell from the way he stared intently at your face that he hadn’t given up his suspicions. For your part you tried to ignore his gaze, talking about trivial matters such as the question of replacing the Guild roof and the fact that you had managed to gather a few Qingxin during your commissions. All the while you felt the roiling of your heart; and all the while you kept rubbing your fingers along the smooth finish of the lid in your pocket as if in doing so you might suddenly be struck with what you currently missed and currently, desperately, needed.

The next day you walked up to Katherine utterly exhausted. Though you’d made a concerted effort to sleep, knowing that if not you’d just arouse more worry in Xiao, most of the night had been spent tossing and turning, your eyelids feeling paper thin as you attempted to drag yourself down into the depths of sleep. Of course now that the sun was shining you felt like even a stone bench would be a soft enough mattress. Blinking heavily you smiled awkwardly at Katheryne.

“Any commissions today?”

“Two ordinary sweeps and one request.” Katheryne tilted her head slightly. “Are you sure you don’t need rest?”

“I’m perfectly fine Katheryne, thank you for worrying. You said there was a request?”

“Yes. It seems that the citizen who noticed the Treasure Hoarders for us claims to have been robbed by them. He says to meet you at Dunyu Ruins so you can hand over the item.”

“And what item is that?”

“He said it was some sort of box lid. He didn’t give many details I’m sorry. If you’re uncomfortable though of course we could send someone with you.”

“I’ll be fine, thanks for worrying.”

“Of course! Good luck!”

“Thanks.”

You turned around, trying to stem the ice that flooded your veins. Who was this man to whom the cathedral belonged? How did he come across such an odd item, was he from one of the other nations of Teyvat you hadn’t visited? Most of all you wondered if he held some connection to your past. The idea thrilled you in some way, though dread also lingered. You weren’t entirely sure you wanted to meet this mysterious person. Commissions were commissions however; you wouldn’t betray the Guild. No matter how much you wanted to; you couldn’t.

The Dunyu Ruins were still, no monsters seemed to linger at the gates and no other adventurers peeked out from behind old walls. The air was utterly still, something which worried you greatly. Walking at an increased rate you sought out your mysterious commissioner. The more you thought about it the more you wished the whole thing to be over as soon as possible. Turning the corner you stopped in your tracks, gazing in awe at the person a few meters in front of you.

The first thing you thought was how oddly he was dressed. The second thing was that he was much younger than you had expected. The third thing was that you felt an odd sense of familiarity from him.

“Ah yes, the adventurer who accepted my commission. Have you brought what I asked of you?”

Though a response was certainly in order you found the words stuck in your mouth. Staring at him you felt the ground shift between your feet slightly. He was familiar, this young man in front of you, and yet he was also a perfect stranger. He seemed more like an apparition than anything, a spirit who had yet to cross to the far side. You stepped closer, reaching out your arm slightly. If you went to touch his shoulder, would your fingers go right through him?

“You really must think it’s odd that I’ve returned.” The man chuckled. “I assure you I’m completely real. You weren’t the only one to survive sister, though I know that information might be too little too late?”

“Sister?” You snapped out of your trance. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Surely you aren’t pretending not to recognize me? I think that’s beneath even you. Come now, was I such a brat as that?” Reaching out the young man went to grab your hand. Instinctively you pulled away, feeling discomfort shoot through you.

“I don’t know what you mean? And you certainly aren’t my brother! I’ve never had a brother!”

“Then who was the kid you lived with your whole life before the incident?”

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know about any incident or any brother. You asked me here to return something so I’m returning it.” Reaching for the lid you thrust the little work of art in front of you. “Here. Take it.”

“So you really don’t know who I am?” The young man reached out to take the lid. “How is that possible? Have they gone so far as to erase me from your memories? Have I been taken out of your family?”

“They?”

“The gods.” The young man’s eyes seemed incredibly harsh all of a sudden. “Their presumptiveness holds no bounds.”

“Don’t speak of the archons that way.”

“Answer me this,” the young man ignored your protest, “where are you from.”

“Why should I tell you that?”

“Humor me.”

“I…” You stood there for a moment, wondering whether or not you should tell this strange figure the truth. Morbid curiosity floated in your mind, and you took a sharp breath. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.”

“So I really have been erased from your mind.”

“Nothing’s been erased! I just don’t remember, should that surprise you so much?”

“Yes, it does. I see my plans will have to be changed.” The young man took a deep breath. “Very well then, we shall see what we shall see. I have an offer for you.”

“And what is that?” You felt suspicion wash over you.

“Join the Abyss.”

“Over my dead body!” Instinctively stepping away you drew your polearm. So that’s what this was about.

“I figured you might say that. However, let me tell you this. Our family was torn apart by the cruel whims of faraway gods. Teyvat suffered the same fate, still suffers it. You may not remember what happened to us, but I know it is buried in you somewhere. If you wish to avenge our family, then you’ll join us.”

“I have no petty thoughts of revenge against the gods.”

“That may very well change.” The young man smirked. “I’ll be back in a week. I expect your answers then.”

He was gone before you could say anything, carried away by a blanket of purple stars. You stared at the empty ruins, confused and empty, feeling far worse than you had felt when you arrived here.

“You look worse.”

“Thanks Xiao.” You let out a sigh, unsure how to respond.

You’d spent the rest of the walk back to the Wangshu Inn in agony, thoughts darting back and forth as you tried to reason with yourself about the veracity of the young man’s claims. There was no proof he was who he said he was after all, no proof that he wasn’t simply insane, or trying to convince you to join him by lying. Yet there was something about him, his demeanor, his anger, something that spoke to a truth about him. Not that the idea made you any happier. After all truth or not, he was still an Abyss member, or at least an advocate. You could never side with him, even if he was your long lost family. And yet what if he was your family? What then? Would it truly be a betrayal then to simply send him packing?

Xiao’s hand enveloped your own, the soft warmth drawing you out of your confused thoughts. Looking up you found him leaning into you, the tips of his hair lightly brushing your cheeks. His eyes bored into you ask he scanned your face. You stood perfectly still. You knew what Xiao was doing, knew that he was trying to figure out the depths of your discomfort. It was valiant of him, even if you hoped that he turned up empty handed. How could you tell Xiao, an adeptus who served directly under Rex Lapis, about the man who blasphemed the gods.

“You should sleep.” Xiao finally pulled away.

“It’s still early evening.”

“You didn’t sleep well last night, I could tell. You should sleep now; maybe you’ll feel better.”

“Maybe.” You replied, knowing that even if you slept better than you had ever before nothing would change when you woke up.

Still your eyelids were heavy and your feet aching. Sleep beckoned you with open arms, and you were quick to fall into its depths. Pressing a soft kiss on Xiao’s cheek you made your way up the stairs. Collapsing onto your bed you let out a sigh of relief. Sleep was coming on fast, and you quickly found the outside world swirling away. The last thing you were aware of was a dent in your mattress, and a set of familiar eyes staring down at you, filled with affection and worry.

It was dreadfully hot. That was the first thing you were aware of. The second was how loud everything was. There was a terrible sound swirling around you, inhuman shrieks seemed to rise up from the ground beneath you, accompanied with a banging that cracked through the air, echoing oddly in a night that was all too quiet. The third thing was that you had no idea where you were. Looking around you found yourself reeling at the scene that met your eyes. The house in front of you must’ve been nice at some point, but now had fallen into ruin and disrepair. Smoke was drifting up from a door that led into the ground, and bottles lay in pieces on the ground. A wall seemed to separate the house from the outside world, so tall that you had no idea what lay beyond it. Trembling slightly you felt yourself move towards the source of the noise, feet moving despite the rising dread that you felt. Making your way down a set of stairs a few lines came to you all of a sudden.

A ceiling of amber, a pavement of pearl

The smoke was thicker now, filling your lungs, leaving you short of breath. Little bits of orange blurred your vision, wielded by strange men in strange uniforms. They seemed distorted in the smoke, made into ghosts that might haunt a child’s nightmares.

Through the narrow paved streets, where all was still

You didn’t move your head towards the back of the room, somehow you couldn’t. Your very soul fought against it. Instead you closed your eyes, overwhelmed with how hot it was.

“You’ve come so far and you can’t even look?”

The voice was mocking, familiar, full of scorn. Opening your eyes you stared at the men in front of you, the men with fire at the tips of their hands. Why did he want you to look? You knew what you’d see. Somehow you knew.

We climb’d on the graves, on the stone worn with rains

You couldn’t make it out among the smoke. All you knew was that it was red.

You screwed your eyes shut, even as sudden clarity danced before you. Someone was calling your name.

There was a hand on your shoulder.

And alone dwell forever

The smoke cleared, and with it the dream.

The scream ripped through your throat before you could even process it. You knew that you should stop, knew that you were no longer dreaming, knew that the hand on your shoulder belonged to your terrified partner. Still you screamed. You screamed and screamed and screamed.

“Hey. Hey!” Xiao’s voice was frantic. Shifting your gaze towards him you felt yourself begin to tremble.

“It, it was true. It was true, I saw him. I saw him. I saw me. It was true. I, I, they’re dead. They’re dead.”

“It was a dream. No one’s dead.”

“But Xiao, they’re dead. He was right, they’re gone and dead and somehow I forget them.”

The loneliness slammed into you, mixing with the horror that sent your stomach churning. You dug you nails into your palm, desperately trying to stop shaking. Everything seemed distorted, the light emerging through the window just as menacing as the dark.

“Take my hand.”

Xiao pulled one of your hands on his lap, gently opening it and running his fingers over the marks that now rested in your palms. Unfurling your hand you it was flat against his he covered it with his own. Letting his palm rest gently against yours he looked up at you.

“No one is dead. You were having a nightmare.”

“I was remembering, Xiao. I finally remembered something. And now I wish I never had.” You unfurled your other hand, wiping furiously at the tears that pooled in your eyes. “I’m so alone Xiao, I’m so alone.”

“You aren’t alone.”

“My family, my family is gone. The only one left is an Abyss member. I, I’m so utterly alone.”

You felt Xiao drop your hand slightly. The sudden lost connection made your founder for a moment, but soon the feeling was lost as Xiao wrapped his arms around you. Pressing kisses to your forehead his grip was tight and strong, encasing you utterly in soft comfort. Letting yourself collapse slightly you leaned into his embrace.

“You’ll never be alone. I’ll always be here.”

If promises were conveyed in actions then you had no reason to doubt Xiao’s. Though the air around you was sticky with heat you found yourself pressing into your partner’s chest eyes more, soaking up every bit of connection that you could get. Xiao said nothing more, simply keeping you in his embrace, lips brushing against your cheeks as he kissed away your tears.

You knew that he wouldn’t ask about your brother that night, perhaps not even the morning afterwards, or even tomorrow evening. After all your partner wasn’t one for words, and your relationship wasn’t built upon the expectation of painful transparency. If you weren’t ready to talk he wouldn’t push you.

Eventually your tears slowed, though the pain in your chest still burned like a brand. Bringing your hands to your chest you gazed up at the adeptus who was still wrapped around you.

“Can we stay this way a little longer?”

Xiao’s eyes gleamed catlike in the moonlight. Leaning down he brushed his lips against yours, sighing slightly as you met him with exhausted ardor. Pulling back you rested your head on your partner’s chest. The dulled beat seemed almost musical, a reminder that Xiao was alive, a reminder that he was right next to you.

You had assumed in some way that it meant he didn’t care, or didn’t want to know. Though you would’ve never thought that before, the feeling of loneliness that had threatened to swallow you up had made that perfectly clear. Yet Xiao did care, cared enough not to prod and poke at wounds that were surely bleeding even now. Cared enough to kiss your worries away, cared enough to let you embrace him as long as you needed. Cared enough to show that you weren’t truly alone. 

In a week you’d give the young man who had once been your brother an answer. In a week you’d face the fact of your loneliness, of a family that you’d once been a part of. In a week you would let yourself be truly lonely. But until then you would listen to the familiar beat of Xiao’s heart as you remembered that you weren’t truly alone. That you never would be.

-------

The box lid itself was based off nothing in particular. The building painted on it is a reference to Saint Basil’s Cathedral. 

The poem I used was “The Forsaken Merman” by Matthew Arnold

The scene in the reader’s dream is a reference to the execution of the last Imperial family of Russia. It took place in the basement of the Ipatiev House in Ekaterinburg on July 17th/18th 1918. 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 270: Harry Potter Rules

Previously on BnHA: Present Mic punched Ujiko in the face! It was awesome. I’m thinking about getting a tattoo of it. Meanwhile Endeavor saved Mirko’s life by setting her on fire (reason #15 why I will never become a superhero), and Aizawa did some sexy Spider-Man poses for our viewing pleasure while fighting the rest of these Noumus which are still annoyingly refusing to die. Anyway but back to Present Mic, the undisputed MVP of this chapter. Because you see, in addition to the punching, he also used his Loud Voice attack (literally the actual attack name; Horikoshi will steal all of my jokes and leave me with nothing) to smash open Tomura’s Noumutank! Which I really thought was going to immediately lead to Everyone Dying, but apparently I was wrong! Anyways so yeah, right now Tomura’s just lying down all heart-stopped and not-breathing. Which seems very anticlimactic, BUT I JUST HAVE THE CRAZIEST FEELING that maybe, just maybe, the super powerful villain lad who just spent the last three arcs slowly upgrading his bad self just in time to wage war on the world as the story reaches its climax, might not actually be dead though.

Today on BnHA: DON’T MIND THAT OMINOUS ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND, IT’S NOTHING, IGNORE IT. Ahem. So first of all, as some of the bolder among us dared to speculate, Tomura is not, in fact, dead. He’s still very much kicking it with his nipple-less pecs and truffula tree hair, putzing around in his mental landscape filled with crumbled buildings and disembodied Theatrical Gesture Hands. For some reason he doesn’t have shoes or a shirt in his mental landscape, which was a very interesting choice on Horikoshi’s part, but we will speak no more of it. Anyway so to sum things up, Tomura’s family is all “TENKO WE LOVE YOU” and he’s all “oh hey” and then AFO fucking appears and he’s all “COME HERE MY BOY” which is exactly as creepy as you would expect, and for some fucking reason TOMURA ACTUALLY DOES COME HERE. And lol it turns out Ujiko gave him AFO. Like the quirk. Yes, that quirk. So long story short, Tomura is about to be possessed by AFO’s evil soul or some shit, and to put the cherry on top, fucking Deku out of fucking nowhere, MILES AWAY, is all “HE’S COMING.” Because of course he can sense it, because AFOFA IS REAL, AND FUCK ME THIS IS ALL HAPPENING TOO FAST, FUCK.

I know this chapter has been out since like 1pm, but I’m not getting to read it until 5 hours later because for once in my life I was trying to be responsible and actually get some work done on a Friday. I thought this might lead to less oh-god-I-still-have-to-get-that-done anxiety hovering over my weekend, but instead it just led to oh-god-I-have-to-get-the-chapter-recap-done anxiety hovering over my now! anyways so this might be a bit rushed lol

(ETA: yeah turns out this wasn’t exactly the kind of chapter you could just read quickly and get on with your life lmao. so, then!)

what a nice panel of Present Mic taking out the trash

you heard ‘em fellas. the doctor is secured. good job everyone we did it, manga over, congratulations. now to cut away to a two-page spread of Dark Shadow comically smothering Dabi’s flames with a giant stock pot lid, and that’ll be that! what a wonderful, extremely short and strangely underwhelming arc in which we haven’t even seen the actual main characters do anything yet. but I guess we don’t need them since the main bad guy is lying dead on the floor! everything is just so fucking dead and secured!! do you think if I keep repeating it enough Horikoshi will finally be like “okay geez I get it” and reveal his hand already

Mic is now ordering Ujiko to power down the Noumu, which again, I’m sure he will definitely do without a fuss since after all the good guys have clearly won the day

OH SHIT OH FUCK

rip X-Less. gonna just take a moment here to imprint your beautiful face onto my memory before it turns into a pile of ash. your face, I mean. not my memory. well my memory more or less already is a pile of ash but that’s neither here nor there ANYWAYS

:’)

what are these little sound effects. I think that’s supposed to be a buzzing noise?? anyways whatever it is PLEASE STOP IT, I AM NOT HAVING A NICE TIME SO STOP

ffff Horikoshi sure has done an excellent job of setting the mood in such a way that all of these panels of X-Less doing incredibly mild things are sending my stress levels through the roof. like is anyone else reading his lines more or less like “WELP, TIME FOR ME TO DIE, ANY SECOND NOW, WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS, THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, HERE IT COMES”

(ETA: when is this poor sweet innocent man going to fucking die already.)

LET’S CUT BACK TO MIC ESCAPING THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY

I have the clearest mental image of Horikoshi standing by with a walkie talkie in one hand and one of those remote bomb detonation clicky switch thingies in the other, patiently waiting to receive the go-ahead once all of the important characters have gotten to safety

anyway so now Ujiko is talking again

no fear everyone this is just the beginning of his verbal noumu deactivation sequence. nothing to worry about. everything is fine

yes for some reason his code phrase to put all the noumus back to sleep involves going into rambling detail about his work researching quirk singularities and shit. it’s fine. it’s not a big deal. code phrases are just like that sometimes all right

just ignore the increasingly panicked look in Mic’s eye as he slowly realizes he was way too fucking keen to just leave the “dead” Tomura back there with his laser-eyed hero buddy. anyway so let’s continue learning all about the Quirk Illuminati or whatever the fuck

okay so... he faked his own death? 70 years ago, at age 50 or thereabouts? I mean, that’s interesting and all I guess. not saying I wouldn’t be thrilled to spend the rest of this chapter learning all about Ujiko’s boring evil life. I don’t need to say it because it’s implied on account of Ujiko sucks and is the worst. so yeah can we get a move on though

oh shit?!?

WHOSE NARRATION IS THAT IN THE BOXES TOMURA IS THAT YOU OH GOD OH GOD

also, comparing AFO’s smile to a buddha’s really sent an actual shudder of disgust down my spine for some reason lmao. I personally would have steered that comparison in a different area, maybe less to buddhas and more to Norman Bates from Psycho, but to each their own

oh shit wait up

okay but this is actually a pretty big revelation though, isn’t it? because it’s been hinted for a while now that AFO and Ujiko had some method of duplicating quirks (the fact that all the Noumu share the same regeneration quirk was the biggest clue, but there was also John-chan’s quirk, as well as Hood’s Muscular-esque quirk), but as far as I can recall, this is the first time we’ve had it confirmed. though to be fair I wasn’t joking when I said my memory really has been shit lately sob

anyway so for real though, can you really call it a BnHA chapter if you’re not spending a good chunk of it being hopelessly confused over the ownership of some ambiguous thought bubbles. WHO IS THIS. I do seriously feel like it’s Tomura, because he’s the wrathful one, but another hallmark of a typical BnHA chapter is me constantly questioning everything I know as I muddle my way through

(ETA: yeah I’m pretty sure it was him. still impressive how vague it is though! it could also potentially be Ujiko, Mic, or even Deku. hopefully Caleb’s translation on Sunday can shed some more light on this. though he wasn’t really helpful last time this happened lol.)

SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

didn’t... you just... say that “preservation” was your quirk?? what do you mean that you wanted it?? CAN YOU JUST FINISH YOUR SENTENCES LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

anyway so here’s a summary of this chapter thus far

present mic: okay goodbye forever x-less

x-less: what a strange thing to say! :) also is it just me or is this machine fucking staring at me

present mic: turn the noumu off please

ujiko: seventy years ago... society... singularity... he’d be 120 years old now...

??: [REPULSIVE FEELING EW WHO’S TOUCHING ME]

ujiko: all for one has the smile of an angel...

??: [SON OF A BITCH I’M SO FUCKING WRATHFUL]

ujiko: my quirk... preservation... the truth is... my quirk... preservation... the truth is... my quirk...

all caught up?? grand. also btw is anyone else super disturbed by the fact that Ujiko recognizes Mic as being “Kurogiri’s friend”, like holy shit though? how would he know that. I can’t think of any implications of this that aren’t super disturbing tbh

anyways back to -- LOL WHAT THE

Horikoshi Kouhei: [furiously scribbling notes to himself at 3am] BUT WHAT IF THE FOLDING CITY FROM “INCEPTION” HAD MORE GIANT HANDS

jesus christ. is this like some mental representation of what shit is currently like in Tomura’s mind? lots of crumbly destruction and traffic lights and the house his father built (isn’t it? I feel like it looks familiar), and SO MANY HANDS, HE JUST LOVES HIS HANDS

anyway so at this point it’s a coin toss whether or not anything in this fucking chapter is ever going to make any kind of fucking sense! but here I am voluntarily along for the ride while Gene Wilder sings that creepy boat song right in my ear!

DSFKLDSJ

ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN FLOATING IN A JAR FOR THREE MONTHS TBH. that is some luscious quarantine hair

SDFLKJSDLFKJSLKFDHLKSDJFLKJLKSDJL:FKJSDL:KJ

(ETA: that Tomura in the top left may be my new favorite panel. look at him. all he is is a nose and chin and ~*~HAIR~*~.)

HANAAAAAA AHHHHHH OH MY LORD OH MY LORD! OKAY I’M FINALLY PAYING ATTENTION NOW FOR REAL! NO MORE JOKES! EVERYBODY SHHHH!!!

FFFFFFFFFF

“LOOK AT ME I’M A MAIN CHARACTER I CAN HAVE STRANGE VISIONS AND TALK TO DEAD PEOPLE IN MY DREAMS, SOUND LIKE ANYBODY ELSE YOU KNOW?” TOMURA SHUT UP I DON’T HAVE TIME TO ANALYZE THIS SCENE THEMATICALLY RIGHT NOW I’M TOO BUSY BEING SAD ABOUT YOUR DEAD SISTER WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY CALCULATING THE ODDS OF THIS SOMEHOW BEING FORESHADOWING FOR HER NOT REALLY BEING DEAD. OH GOD, OH FUCK YOU GUYS, I’M FREAKING OUT

WHAT KIND OF YOUNGER BROTHER DOESN’T CALL HIS OLDER SISTER “NEECHAN” TOMURA WHAT KIND OF ANIME CHARACTER ARE YOU

AT THIS POINT HIS HAIR IS ITS OWN INDIVIDUAL CHARACTER WITH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WOW

HORIKOSHI PLEASE STOP SHAKING THIS CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE OF SIBLING FEELS SO VIGOROUSLY I AM SO TERRIBLY AFRAID OH GOD

“BY THE WAY TENKO I JUST HAVE TO SAY, YOUR MAN BOOBS ARE SERIOUSLY IMPRESSIVE AND YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD.” YES HANA I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY. HOW ASTUTE OF YOU TO POINT THAT OUT. BOY HAS BEEN HITTING THAT BOWFLEX

WTAF IS HIS HAIR THOUGH SERIOUSLY??!

IS IT JUST ME OR IS THIS DIALOGUE BUBBLE ACTUALLY COMING FROM THE HAIR ITSELF. TOMURA. TOMURA BLINK TWICE IF YOU ARE IN DANGER

SJJKJSKJSW

TENKO IT’S ME YOUR GIANT MOM I’M BEHIND YOU HONEY TURN AROUND AND LOOK HELLO HI I LOVE YOU DO YOU STILL WANT TO BE A HERO

ffff why is he so pretty all the time lately

you are very handsome with your billowy hair and ken doll abs, you. sure are having a lot of trippy visions for a dead guy too there

HEY!!!!

WHO SAID YOU WERE ALLOWED -- DO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST -- ffffffffff I need to be alone with my thoughts for a few minutes fuck

okay well. but since it is getting late I guess we’ll just pack these feelings up real quick and put them inside a box and neatly label it “feelings I have about Tomura having a vision of his mom and immediately turning back into his innocent little boy self in said vision as soon as he sees her.” not too sure about the contents of this box yet but I will have to explore them thoroughly at a later date

oh hey it’s this asshole

“THAT WAS TWENTY YEARS AGO, DAD.” jesus Kotaro. get over it

and also guess what, if you go and get Tomura all riled up so he wakes up grumpy and disintegrates the first hapless guy he sees, I will hold you solely responsible for that poor man’s death. I’m just warning you now

oh my

I remember this conversation going a bit differently the last time, but hey

LOOOOOOL

HIGH FIVE. PUT ‘ER THERE

WHY WOULD YOU LOOK SO SURPRISED LOL DID YOU NOT JUST TURN TOWARDS HIM WITH A SINISTER MURDER FACE LIKE TWO SECONDS AGO. LIKE WTF DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN

OH NO OH SHIT

FUCK ME, GUESS IT WOULDN’T BE A DRAMATIC BNHA DREAM SEQUENCE IF THIS ASSHOLE DIDN’T MAKE AN APPEARANCE AT SOME POINT OR OTHER NOW WOULD IT

-- HOLY SHIT?!

RECORD SCRATCH, FREEZE FRAME??

holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit

holy shit. fuck

...okay so

is this implying that AFO has been Noumufied? but that doesn’t make any sense, does it? he already had multiple quirks. what other advantages could there be to him becoming a Noumu. well whatever I’m just typing out all of my thoughts real fast for the time being and I’ll try to make sense of them later

or is it because he sees Kurogiri as a father figure? and AFO also?

or is he using Kurogiri’s quirk????? IS HE SOMEHOW WARPING INTO TOMURA’S DREAMS

because that third one, to me, is what this panel most looks like? Tomura says he looks like Kuro, but he doesn’t though. Kuro has a very distinctive face which this is very much lacking. instead it looks to me much more like one of Kurogiri’s portals, with AFO’s buddhaesque smile sticking out. so yeah. I got nothin’. except, again, fuck

(ETA: yeah I obviously have more thoughts about this now, but we’ll get to those in a bit.)

...

.......

-- !!!!!!!!!!LKJLK!JLKJ

oh shit oh shit oh shit 

OH SHIT

NO BABY NO DON’T DO IT

GASP

THEY’RE TRYING TO SAVE HIM AHHHH

I HAVE LIKE TEN THOUSAND THOUGHTS IN MY BRAIN RIGHT NOW YET SOMEHOW MY MIND IS ALSO STRANGELY BLANK?? I DON’T EVEN KNOW?? I’LL JUST KEEP READING

KOTARO ARE YOU TRYING TO HELP HIM OR ARE YOU PULLING HIM TOWARD AFO??

OH HE’S PUSHING HIM BACK!! OH SHIT IT’S A WHOLE FAMILY EFFORT

THEY’RE TRYING TO SAVE HIM AFO IS GOING TO TAKE HIM OVER AND THEY’RE TRYING TO PROTECT HIM OH GOD OH JESUS

BABY TENKO EYES OH MY GOD HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE DEKU THAT I THOUGHT IT WAS DEKU FOR A MOMENT

NO TENKO!!!

FUCK -- DOES HE NOT CARE? HE ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN BUT HE DOESN’T CARE?? IS HE TRULY SO PROFOUNDLY MISERABLE THAT HE’D GO AHEAD AND ACCEPT THIS FATE WILLINGLY

NO SOUNDS. NO WORDS. YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP IN MY ROOM RIGHT NOW

except that I have the most incredible, chilling, disturbing, electrifying feeling that my mental soundtrack is about to start blaring AFO’s theme from the anime on full blast...!

LOOOOOL SOB OH FUCKK

THE MOST TERRIFYING, DRAMATIC KIP UP YOU’VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE!! THIS IS IT, IT’S BEEN REAL FRIENDS, THIS IS WHERE WE DIE

-- ARE YOU REALLY, TRULY, GENUINELY SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW

NOW OF ALL TIMES IS WHEN WE FINALLY CUT TO THE TRIO, I’M CAN’T, I’M FUCK

AND THAT’S THE END AHHHHH

holy shit holy shit holy shit. wow

okay so. I don’t really have any sort of neat and tidy way to wrap up this hot mess of a recap lol. so, just... have a whole mess of all of my stupid whirling thoughts

those first four pages really did nothing to brace me at all lol

okay, so. here’s my understanding of all this, I guess. basically we’re going full Harry Potter rules here. AFO horcruxed his quirk, and from the looks of it, a piece of his soul (perhaps even the main piece) along with it. he then passed it on to Ujiko to implant into Tomura

horcrux!AFO then wakes up, and takes over Tomura. so then my understanding is that he’s going to be possessed by him. and I also got the impression that he’s fully aware of that, but just doesn’t care at this point. he knew his family was trying to warn him, but he didn’t care. and that look in his eyes when he disintegrated them just seemed so fucking resigned to me, though. jesus

but now the more interesting thing! so we can liken Tomura to the resurrected Voldemort from book 5 and onward, reborn after transferring his power into a new vessel. which would go a long way toward explaining how AFO was able to sense what was happening from all the way in Tartarus; because if we liken it to Voldemort and his horcruxes, it would mean that he still has a connection to them (similar to the connection between Voldemort’s mind and Harry’s)

but so now comes the really interesting thing -- what does this then imply about the connection between AFO and Deku? because you’ll recall that AFO alluded to a similar mental connection back when Deku first activated SIXQUIRKS. and now we have Deku somehow being magically aware of AFO’s sudden resurgent presence in this chapter. but why?? if the reason AFO and Tomura share a psychic link is because of a shared quirk, why would Deku also be experiencing the same link? the answer is, he wouldn’t -- unless he, too, had the same shared quirk

in other words, I think All for One for All is fucking confirmed you guys. I can’t think of any explanation for this other than that OFA is also a horcrux quirk. a little piece of AFO broken off and embedded in his brother, and then passed along through the generations. and now residing within Deku

anyway. so that’s a hell of a lot to ponder lol. I guess we can at least be grateful for the fact that we’re not waiting two weeks for chapter 271 like Hori originally planned. can you fucking imagine. what a fucking asshole lol

[amydancepants-peralta]

26 and 61 pleaseee 💕♥♥♥

26: Do not. Tempt. Me. & 61: Can’t we hug this out?

(This image is 1. V important to the story and 2. V V adorable for a mini-Jake 😍)

“Do not. Tempt. Me”

Four threatening words: falling straight from Jake Peralta’s mouth, and aimed directly at the phone screen in front of him. He dares his thumb to keep on scrolling, and for his brain to completely ignore the adorable outfit that is staring at him, but neither seem interested in complying. “Amy will kill me.”

Her voice appears as if from nowhere, and in hindsight it’s more likely to be that she’s just left their bedroom, but it still shocks him all the same when suddenly Amy is in the vicinity, asking - “Why am I killing you, exactly?”

His phone is out of his hand and flying across the couch before he has a chance to respond (seriously, has his mind just packed up and left?!), and all Jake can do is splutter a “Oh, heyy babe! Nothing at all, just rambling to myself you know how I be!”

It doesn’t work at all, which comes as a surprise to absolutely no one, and Amy just gives Jake a weird look as she passes right by his position on the couch, reaching for the phone before he has a chance to grab it. And damnit for making his passcode their anniversary; and damnit for being married to an ace detective, because she unlocks his phone with ease, and proceeds to stare at the screen with raised eyebrows.

There’s a moment of silence; partly because Jake knows he’s just been busted looking at baby clothes after swearing to his wife that he would stop, and partly because he’s still kind of hoping she will see just how damn cute this outfit is.  It’s plaid, and tiny, and he’s fairly certain he owns the exact same pattern - and if he doesn’t, he will by the time their son has arrived.  

It feels like thirty minutes, yet it’s only been seconds, but still Jake feels he needs to speak up.  “Okay, before you get mad, I swear it’s a total accident, I was on another page and then one of those stupid ads popped up and my thumb didn’t hit the x properly and I -”

(There’s just enough truth in it to get by.  He definitely was on another page at some point, and he definitely hadn’t googled ‘baby + plaid’.)

“It’s actually really cute.”  Her voice is soft enough for him to know that she means it, and when Amy looks up Jake notices that her eyes have taken on that squidgy I totally love this look that she tends to get whenever they shop for baby related items and they find something far too tiny to be real.  “Like … ridiculously so.  We need to get it, if for no other reason than our son can match his Daddy.”

And it happens again: his heart goes squish and the kaleidoscope of butterflies that somehow manage to live in his stomach take flight again.  It’s been happening a lot lately, especially whenever someone mentions that they’re having a baby, or that he’s having a son, or he remembers that the sweetest being that is Amy Santiago is the mother of said child.  Some would call it excitement; others a bundle of nerves, but Jake doesn’t care enough to name it.  He and Amy are having a son, and they’re going to wear matching plaid outfits, and it’s going to be awesome.  His smile is ridiculously big, and he nods.  “Yeah.  Little Shrek and I, cruising down the halls of the precinct in our matching plaid like the badasses we are.”

Amy laughs, that kind of gentle tinkering sound that will always remain at the top of the list of Things Jake Loves To Hear (soon to be closely rivalled by the sound of his son’s laugh), and he cannot help but close the gap between them to land a quick kiss against her lips.  She’s the love of his life; and is growing their son inside her amazing body, and really he truly loves to kiss her and will take any chance that comes his way - for long as they both shall live.

“Okay babe, we’re doing this.  Adding to cart.”  She glances up at him, the tiny warning clear in her eyes.  “I’m going through to the checkout before another thing can be added.  We’ve bought so much already.”

Jake nods quietly, already knowing that he’s onto a good wicket and really shouldn’t say anything that could jeopardise it.  “You’re totally right babe,” he adds for good measure.

“Oh wait, they’ve just shown me a few things I ‘might be interested in’ and oh my god Jake there’s tiny sneakers too!”

He throws out another nod, taking a heavy swallow to keep his voice level before replying.  “Uh, cool!  That sounds really awesome Ames, but … we don’t really need more baby shoes, do we?  I mean it’s not like they’re walking around everywhere amiright?”  The sentence is punctuated with a nervous laugh, and oh, he is SO done for.

Amy’s eyebrows knit together, and she lowers the phone slightly to study him closely.  “You don’t even want to see them?”

A quick shake of the head, and Jake suddenly finds the embroidered pattern of the throw pillow on their couch fascinating.

(He knows what they look like.  They’re mini Converse all-stars, all black with the white edging that are on sale for 12.99, and they’re already in transit to their apartment.)

She lowers the phone completely, and leans in.  “Out with it, Peralta.”

“I love you?”

“I love you too.  Out with it.”

Jake feels his shoulders begin to slump, and he lets out a defeated sigh.  “They may or may not be arriving tomorrow.”

“May or may not be?”

“Well, you know how unreliable the postal service can be, I mean ..”

“Jake!”

“Ugh.  I know, I’m sorry!  I wasn’t going to buy anything else.  But then Charles sent me the link and I fell down the rabbit hole and next thing I was creating an account.  We get a discount on our next item, babe, so really we’re saving money.”

“It’s amazing how after all this time, your handle on finances still manages to make me sweat behind the knees.”

“You must admit, though.  They are pretty cute.”

Her arms are folded, and she gives him the side-eye that she does so well.  “Okay so I might have already added them to cart before I even told you about them.”

“SEE!  They’re totally adorable, and we’re all too powerless to resist.”

Amy laughs again, running her hand down his right arm, and suddenly everything is right with the world again.  “By the way - now would be a good time to tell me about the secret baby-sized Ninja Turtles costume that is currently hiding at the back of our wardrobe, babe.”

Double Damnit.

“…. Our baby needs to have a costume for Halloween, and it’s cheaper if you buy ahead?”

She’s shaking her head again, but this time Amy has that smile of hers to accompany it - the one that says oh how I love this man, even though he’s a massive dork - and honestly, he’ll take it as a victory.  “Fine, I’ll give you that one.  Just promise me there’s no more, Jake.  We need to budget for the baby, and if we keep spending our money on outfits we’re going to go broke.”

His responding nod is earnest, eyes wide with sincerity.  “I promise, Ames.  No more surprise purchases.”  

(There’s one coming next week, but this one’s for Amy, and he’s pretty sure he can get it diverted to Charles’ place.)

Amy leans forward, and Jake reaches his arms out in the assumption that she’s coming in for a hug - it is, after all, one of the more common ways to find them when on the couch - but instead she stands, walking past Jake with his phone back in her hand. 

His eyes follow her, confused.  “Wait.  Can’t we hug this out?”

She turns her head back towards him, smiling as she walks down the hallway again.  “We can hug in a minute, babe.  I’m buying this outfit before it’s gone, and putting your phone on charge and out of your hands.”

“Yeah, that tracks.”

*

*

It’s another few months before Jake gets to act it out; the slow-motion walk from the elevator door into the bullpen with his baby son in his arms, whipping off his aviators and proudly showing off to anyone and everyone that they were wearing matching plaid and he is clearly the coolest Dad in the universe.  

And maybe Rosa rolls her eyes, and the slow-mo doesn’t seem quite as slow in real life, but point is - it’s the best entrance he’s made into the precinct, ever.  And it’s entirely because of the World’s Coolest Baby, just hanging out with his equally cool Dad.  

fin.

(you can find the baby TMNT costume here, because it is equally adorable.) 🐢

[summahsunlight]

This Way Became My Journey, Ch. 22

"What the hell happened?" Kathryn Janeway demanded when she entered sickbay. After hastily leaving the children in the care of a reluctant B'Elanna Torres on the bridge, Janeway, Sarah Barrett, and Tom Paris had rushed down to sickbay.

The Doctor was buzzing around the surgical biobed and Harry Kim was off to the side looking over a tricorder. Neelix was unconscious on the biobed and Kathryn felt her throat constrict. She knew it had been too soon to allow him on an away mission. She should have insisted that he be more thoroughly trained, but his enthusiasm to help the crew had won out and now he was injured.

Chakotay intercepted the Captain and Barrett as they entered the room, Paris on their heels. The two women stayed with the first officer, while Paris went to help the Doctor.

"He was attacked on the planetoid. Some how someone removed his lungs," Chakotay replied, noticing the looks of shock that came over both women's faces. But it was different forms of shock, he realized. While Janeway looked bewildered, Barrett looked absolutely mortified. "By the time we got to him, he was unconscious."

"Someone removed his lungs?" Janeway asked, trying to get a grasp on the situation.

Chakotay nodded his head. "We were exploring the caves and broke off into three teams. I told Neelix to hold position but you know how he is, eager, he went ahead, reported lifesigns and the next thing I knew he was screaming and gasping for air."

Barrett blinked. "You were in caves?"

The Commander nodded his head. "Yes, we were looking for the dilithium."

"And you said someone removed his lungs?"

"Yes," he replied. Haven't you been listening to anything I've been saying? "We're not sure how, but the Doctor speculates that whoever did this used some type of transporter to beam his lungs directly out of his body."

Barrett's sapphire eyes were studying the floor intensely, nervously moving back and forth. "It wasn't post traumatic stress," she muttered.

"Pardon?" Janeway and Chakotay said at the same time.

The young woman's eyes snapped up to look at her commanding officers, realizing that she had spoken her thoughts out loud. "I….it's nothing really." Across the room she could see the Doctor giving her a seething glare as Tom moved some equipment about. "Really, just thinking out loud." She saw the hologram frown at her, but the arrival of Kes seemed to take the officers minds off of her slip of the tongue.

"What happened?" the young Ocampa asked no one in particular.

Sarah gently placed her hands on Kes' shoulders. "Someone attacked Neelix on the away mission. We're not sure how it happened, but they managed to surgically remove his lungs. The Doctor is doing everything he can, Kes, to help him." The Captain and First Officer could not help but notice the strain in the young woman's voice. However, Kes didn't seem to notice, or if she did, she didn't care.

Kes brushed past Sarah, Chakotay and Kathryn, going straight for the biobed. Sarah glanced at the Captain once who gave her a nod of approval and the young woman went after Kes. Kathryn turned back towards Chakotay.

"Did you find any evidence of the lifesign that Neelix reported?"

"No."

Harry stepped up to join them. "Captain, I've analyzed the sensor logs from Neelix's tricorder. The bio scanner picked up a single class-3 humanoid organism."

Chakotay could see Janeway's eyes flicking about, while she was thinking intensely. In their short time together he had seen that look before. She was devising a plan and he had a sinking feeling he was not going to like it.

"I'm taking an away team back to the surface."

Damn. I knew I wasn't going to like it. "Captain," he said. "Starfleet protocol states that a commanding officer is not to transport to the surface of a planet unless it is secure. That planetoid is nowhere near being secure, we don't know how many of these aliens are done there removing organs, we don't even know what to look for."

"I am aware of Starfleet protocol, Commander," she seethed. "Starfleet protocol also states that if the situation demands it, the commanding officer can beam down to an unsecured site."

"I'm not sure the situation demands for you to be down there, Captain," Chakotay said, his dark eyes pleading with her. He wasn't sure when the intense desire to protect her had started, but it was there and he was going to fight with her as long as it took to get her to stay safely on Voyager. "I don't want to be beaming you back with your lungs removed."

"That is not going to happen…"

"And what do we tell your children when it does?"

The words had the desired effect that Chakotay had prayed for. That had been a slap in her face; she visibly winced at the words. And both of them knew that Chakotay had her right where he wanted her. While she was every bit a Starfleet captain, down to the protocol adherence, she was first, and foremost a mother. He knew as much as she did that the thought of her death thus leaving her children alone on Voyager, so far away from home, terrified her.

This was the payback she had been expecting since the moment he had glared at her when Neelix had been allowed on the mission. She knew it had been coming, she just didn't know how sneaky he could be.

"Very well," Janeway finally relented. "Commander, you lead the away team back down to the surface. Inform Mister Tuvok that I want three armed security details to accompany you. Issue type three phasers and keep me updated."

Chakotay knew that he wouldn't always win this battle, because he was sure that there were going to be many more like this, but today, he was satisfied that he had won out. Nodding his head he looked at Kim and the two men left sickbay.

Janeway moved towards the surgical biobed hoping that the Doctor had some news. Kes was standing next to the bed, her small hands resting on the soft material. Her jaw was clenched and Kathryn was sure that the young Ocampa had never experienced this kind of trauma before in her young life. Sarah Barrett had her work cut out for her and on her first day back on the duty roaster no less.

"The blood gas infuser will keep him alive for another forty-seven minutes," the Doctor informed the Captain. "The only chance I see for survival at this moment is if we get his own lungs back."

"Can't we fit him with a pair of artificial lungs?" Janeway asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

The Doctor shook his head. "I'm afraid not. His respiratory system is directly linked to multiple points along his spinal column. It's too complex to replicate. I may be able to surgically re-attach the organs if we get them back, but in the meantime we'll have to search for other options"

Janeway felt a pit forming in her stomach. Pursuing aliens that harvested organs was not exactly what she had in mind what they would be doing today, and she was having horrible visions of these said aliens harvesting her own organs, along with her crew and children. It was an image that sent shivers repeatedly up and down her spine. She gently laid a hand on Kes' arm briefly. "I'll be on the bridge. We're going to find who did this Kes and get his lungs back."

Turning about on her heel, Janeway walked purposefully out of the room.

"Mister Paris," the Doctor said once she was gone. "Did they teach how to run a respiratory series in your biochemistry class at the Academy?"

"Ah, no I'm afraid they didn't."

The Doctor looked annoyed. "Fine, I'll just do it myself," he grumbled, grabbing a hypospray from a nearby equipment tray. He moved to stand behind Kes. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"I'm not leaving," Kes said heatedly.

The hologram looked to Barrett for help, but she shook her head. "Very well," he said, more annoyed now. "Just…try to stay out of the way." He pressed the hypospray to Neelix's neck and moved about the surgical biobed.

Sarah didn't seem to notice him. She was staring intently at the Talaxian, trying to piece together a logical explanation as to why her dream had resembled the attack on Neelix so much. But she couldn't come up with one and it was scaring her. When she had been on the Explorer she had been able to on a few occasions figure out where the Borg were going by dreams she had or just by what she called a hunch. However, she thought that was because the Borg were easy to predict. Was there something more to her dreams?

"Counselor Barrett?" Her eyes snapped up to see Tom looking at her with a worried expression. "Is everything alright, ma'am?"

"Yes, just…thinking," she responded.

Tom looked at her skeptically but went about his work. "Doc, I think his cellular toxicity level is rising."

The hologram went to stand next to the pilot and looked at the biocomputer. "It's up to thirty two percent. Let's see if we can stabilize those levels. Get me a cytoplasmic stimulator."

Sarah watched from her position opposite from Kes as Tom gave the hologram a little nod of his head, then proceed to toy around in the equipment tray, finally giving up and looking around the room.

"Ah, we don't have one."

"Then replicate one."

"Right," Tom said, still looking lost.

"The design schematics are in the ship's medical data base," the Doctor replied sharply. Tom nodded his head and went to the replicators in the office. "The man drives a 700,000-ton starship so somebody thinks he'd make a good medic."

"He was the only one of us that had any biochemistry at the Academy," Sarah said, garnering for the second time that day, a sharp look from the hologram. "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"One has to wonder what other good ideas you people have thought up."

Kes ignored the banter; she wasn't in the mood for it. "I can survive with one lung can't I? What if I donated a lung to Neelix?"

"A transplant is not an option," the Doctor said. "No one aboard is a compatible match for a Talaxian."

With those words the Doctor left the vicinity and went to the office, mumbling to himself as he went. Sarah and Kes lost what he was saying as he strode away. "I'm sure the Doctor will think of something Kes. He was after all programmed by some of Starfleet's best." The words were not comforting and Sarah could see it by the look of despair on Kes' face. Damn it, I've been out of the loop too long when it comes to stuff like this. I'm a psychologist not a therapist. 

She soon realized how ridiculous that sounded. Psychologists could be therapists, she was just better at the studying and analyzing of cultures and mental states than she was comforting. It was partially the reason why she had leaped through the ranks so quickly when she graduated from the Academy, because of the growing threat of the Borg and Bajoran terrorist cells Starfleet had needed good psychologists to study the mind set of said groups; that and her father's name had helped a little too.

If all had gone according to plan she would have been promoted to Lieutenant Commander, and be infiltrating the Maquis, however, she had learned that things seldom went according to plan and she was on Voyager instead. Everything happens for a reason, my girl, her father had always told her that, since the day she could walk she was sure of it. There were times that she found herself questioning that belief. After all, what reason could possibly be giving for her turning to drugs and ending up on this ship? She wasn't the best counselor out there suited for the job.

Of course they had no way of knowing that a three week mission was going to turn into a life time. Perhaps if Janeway had she would have opted for someone with a bit more emotional stability.

"What are you doing?" she heard Tom ask the Doctor as the two came back into the room.

"I'm using the transporter matrix to get exact specifications for Neelix's lungs," the Doctor replied.

"I thought you just said we can't replicate his lungs," Tom said.

"We can't," the Doctor said, "but if I can reconfigure my emitter array, I might be able to create a pair of holographic lungs."

"Holographic lungs?" Sarah and Tom questioned at the same time.

The Doctor came to join the group at the biobed. "If it's successful, we can precisely control his pulmonary functions to allow normal breathing."

"But a hologram is just a projection of light held together in a magnetic containment field. There's no real matter involved," Tom said.

The Doctor suddenly slapped him. Kes looked stunned, Sarah jumped in surprise, and Tom's mouth hung open. "Now," the hologram said turning about to adjust something on the computer, then turning back to Tom, "you hit me."

Tom wound up and proceeded to do so, as Kes flinched, but his hand passed right through the Doctor. Tom looked at his hand, stunned.

"The magnetic containment field that creates the illusion of my body can be modulated to allow matter to pass through it," the Doctor answered, turning about to tap at the controls again, "or be stopped. I might be able to modulate the holographic lungs in the same way, allowing oxygen and carbon dioxide to pass from the lungs to the blood stream."

Kes grabbed his arm. "I want to know what this means."

"There's no to time explain the exact procedure to you right now."

"Oh, well, make the time, because I'm not going to let you perform any experimental surgery on Neelix until I know exactly what you're doing and what the risks are."

Sarah moved towards her, gently taking her arm in her hand. "Kes, maybe we should go to my office and wait until the Doctor is done."

"No, Lieutenant," Kes snapped. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Very well, the risk is that he'll die," the Doctor said, answering her question. "If he does survive he will have to remain in an isotropic restraint. The lungs need to be perfectly aligned to his internal physiology. The computer won't be able to compensate for any body movement whatsoever."

Kes' voice dropped. "How long will he have to stay like that?"

"The rest of us life, unless we recover his original organs. He will never be able to leave the holographic environment of this room. The holo lungs would disappear the moment he went out the door."

The Doctor turned away and went back to his work leaving Kes standing there, looking horrified. Sarah gave her arm a reassuring squeeze. "Kes, I know it sounds bad right now, but at least he'd still be alive. Maybe the Doctor will find something else later down the raod. What do you think Neelix would want?"

"That's the problem, Counselor, I don't know what Neelix would want," she took a deep breath. "But I do know that I want him to live." And with a simple nod of her head, the Doctor was given the permission to proceed.

"Captain we've discovered a laboratory of some sorts," Chakotay's voice echoed over the comlink. "There are several organs here, from different species that we can't identify. However, there's no sign of Neelix's lungs."

Kathryn felt her throat constrict at hearing this. A whole laboratory filled with organs from other beings? "Any sign of the lifeform that did this?"

"Negative, Captain," Tuvok's voice came next. "This room is, however, the source of the dilithium signatures were detecting earlier. The power system's here are running on an unusual dilithium matrix."

It was just like they had feared since the away team had returned to Voyager. There wasn't any dilithium down there and they were still going to have power struggles until they found a better solution. Raising her hand to her chin, she tried to get a grasp on how this day had gone from hopeful to hopeless. "Is there anything down there that might give us a clue as to where the lifeform has gone?"

"Captain, my readings are telling me that there was lifeform in here less then ten minutes ago," Chakotay said.

"Captain we're picking up one life sign, we're in pursuit," Tuvok's voice said, calmly.

Kathryn spun about to look at tactical. "Prepare a security detail."

"Yes ma'am," Rollins said, moving off of the bridge.

Kathryn turned about nervously pacing the command station. If they didn't catch the aliens what did that mean for Neelix? Well the answer to that was obvious, he would die. She couldn't help but feel guilty. A captain's job was to keep her people safe. Neelix had tried so hard to make a difference for this crew and here she had allowed him on an away mission without fully prepping him in the right protocol. That was foolish Kathryn, simply foolish. She bit her lip for a second, but whose to say that if Neelix didn't go on the away mission that someone else would have suffered his fate. 

That line of thinking didn't get her far, because she realized that if it had been Chakotay or Harry that had been attacked the Doctor would have been able to replicate a new set of lungs for them or one of the crew members could have donated a lung. It wasn't her fault that Talaxian physiology was like no one else's on file.

"Mama, why would someone steal Neelix's lungs?"

Damn it, I should have had them move into the ready room. "I'm not sure, honey," Kathryn replied, snaking her hand into her son's dark locks. "But I'm going to find out why."

"Don't they have their own lungs?" Michael inquired, peering up at her with only what could be described as the curiosity of a child. "I mean they would need lungs to breathe wouldn't they?"

One would think so, Kathryn thought. "Honey why don't you back to your lesson?"

"I finished it. Besides this is more exiting."

Kathryn frowned at him as Parsons reported that there was a ship leaving the planetoid. Spinning about on her heel she ordered that the away team be beamed back on board. "Tractor them!"

"It's too late Captain, they've already gone to warp."

Luck just isn't on my side today. "Set a pursuit course once the away team is back on board, maximum warp."

"Aye Captain."

Kathryn rubbed her temples, trying to rub the headache that was forming away. She knew it was going to be no use, she had been plagued with stress headaches ever since she was a teenager.

"Did I lose my job while on that away mission?"

Chakotay's voice cut through the dense fog and she glanced up at him with confused eyes. What the hell is he talking about? Noticing where his grin was pointed at, she turned about to see Michael occupying the Commander's chair. She half expected to see Ava with him, but realized she hadn't heard so much as a peep out of the baby for nearly twenty minutes. Not good. 

Her eyes must have widened and panic must have been settling in on her face for Chakotay smiled even more. "Over there," he pointed towards the Engineering station where Michael had been working. Ava was curled up in the chair taking a nap. "I brought you something," Chakotay suddenly said, and Kathryn's head snapped about. "Consider it an early birthday gift."

Lieutenant Torres is right; he does have a twisted sense of humor. He was handing her a tricorder device of some sort, or at least that's what it appeared to be. "Any idea what this thing does?"

"We think it's a weapon of some sort," Chakotay said. "The being pointed it at us and fired when we confronted him."

"Everyone still has their lungs right?" Kathryn drawled; she could have a twisted sense of humor too.

"As far as I know, yes."

With a look, Kathryn went to hand the device to B'Elanna Torres, seated at the science station. "Lieutenant, see if you can figure out what this does, oh and some one get Mister Paris up here, we're going to need his flying abilities."

[slyreaderslibrary]

Ch. 3 Suspect Number One

AO3: Here

Fanfiction.net: Here

Summary: Keeping a secret identity secret is normally hard enough but when you’re as beautiful as Minako Aino you’re bound to have all kinds of creeps and weirdo stalking your every move. Now there’s a cop hot on her trail and she’ll have to be quick on her feet if she’s to keep her identity on the DL. Just what is a gorgeous super-heroine to do?

No one could ever accuse Keisuke Koizumi of being a cowardly man but there were moments where he wished he wasn't so diligent towards his work. He eyed the flock of girls corralling around him and thought that now was one of those times.

"So what's a handsome fella like you doing here?"

"You're not waiting for anyone I hope?"

"A bunch of us our going out for drinks, you're welcome to join us if you like."

"You're totally my type, can I get your number?"

Keisuke smiled and pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of his jacket. He didn't smoke, they were props he used as a cover at times, but he hoped the act would be repellent enough to discourage the girls' further interest.

It wasn't.

"What's your name?"

"What's your blood type?"

"When were you born?"

"Ladies, ladies," Keisuke laughed, lighting a cigarette with a single strike of the lighter. He turned to exhale and made a face at the taste before returning to the girls. "I'm just meeting a friend. Perhaps you know her, Aino Minako?"

"Aino!" An average sized, brunette with broad shoulders and narrow hips screeched. "What do you want with her?"

A short, sweet looking young woman to his left sighed in such a way that Keisuke guess she did this often, and answered the other woman.

"He's her friend, Narumi."

The third one, a tall but mousy looking woman, brushed a hand against his leather jacket, letting it linger in a practiced manner that left Keisuke on edge. "You don't want to hang out with her, all she ever does is hang out at the Crown playing video games or attends that karaoke bar across from the Rose Cafe. She maybe something of a celebrity but she's totally boring."

"And not even that pretty," snickered Narumi.

The short woman frowned. "How could you two say such things? She's never been anything but nice to you."

"Oh come on Miki, it's not like you don't agree."

Miki squared her shoulders back and lifted her chin. "I don't. I've often seen her in the park visiting with other women and she's constantly inviting us to events set up by one friend or the other. She's so busy, the Crown is probably where she goes to relax!"

"Video games are laaaaaame."

"We know Sakura."

Keisuke took one last drag of his cigarette, having heard enough. He extinguished it on the sole of his shoe and slipped the butt back into his carton. "Well thanks for the companies ladies. Miki-san?" She looked up at him with wide brown eyes and Keisuke smiled down at the kind, young woman. "I hope Aino-san knows what a great friend you are."

Miki blushed and smiled shyly back at Keisuke, who nodded one last time before departing the group and heading towards the exit. He was already past the gate when he heard one girl cry—Narumi from the sound of it, "Wasn't he supposed to be waiting for Aino?"

Keisuke smirked, pulled out his favorite aviators and slid them on.

He had an arcade to visit.

~~~

"I told you he was trouble," Artemis griped, "I told you to be more careful but do you ever listen to me? Nooooo."

Minako ignored him. She had learned ages ago that if there was one defining trait about Artemis, it was that he loved to complain no matter what she did. If she went to school and studied, he'd complain that she wasn't stopping youmas. If she fought against evil and lost a little sleep, he'd complain that she was lazy and bad at school. You'd think he was a dog the way he hounded her and there were enough people chasing her tail as it was. Speaking of which, hopefully the copper would give up staking out her school. Otherwise she might have to attend class via video chat for the next couple weeks.

What was the world coming to?

Shaking her head, Minako picked up her speed and arrived at her destination a few minutes later. The Crown looked only a little busy today, no doubt the kids who usually frequented it were taking advantage of the sunny afternoon to play in the nearby park. She pulled out her crescent mirror for the second time that day and did a quick scan of the vicinity to insure it was free of police. Coast clear, she strolled into her favorite arcade, both arms and smile wide as she greeted Motoki.

"Onii-san!" she grinned, leaning her upper body against the counter. "It's been awhile since I could drop by! How have you been?"

Motoki blinked, his cheeks flushing pink, and then smiled good-naturedly back at her.

"Minako-chan! It's great to see you!" Motoki threw his bar towel on the counter and walked around the structure to greet her properly. "I thought you were busy with a shoot in Guam?" He gave her a quick, warm hug and then stepped back to lean against the bar. "And I've been well, just working like always. How about you?"

"You should really learn to take a vacation Motoki-onii-san. Enjoy the sun a little." Minako gestured at herself and smiled when Motoki's eyes followed. "I know I did."

Motoki's blush grew a little deeper but he just shook his head in amusement.

"Not all of us our graced with good genetics. The sun may love you but I'm afraid it would fry me to a crisp."

Minako pursed her lips and tapped her finger against them playfully. "You could always go and visit Nishimura-san in London, plenty of sun coverage there."

"That…" Motoki paused, considering. "That might actually be a good idea."

"I don't know why you're so surprised, I am known for them."

"You're not actually." Motoki frowned, as if suddenly realizing who he was speaking to. "What you are known for is trouble." He eyed her suspiciously. "You're not up to something are you?"

Minako stuck her tongue out at him.

"I don't know why everyone always asks me that." She turned and scanned the outdoors, her spidey senses tingling. The silver fox was nowhere to be seen but she wouldn't put it past him to show up soon. She turned back to Motoki, eyes wide and pleading, and earned an exaggerated sigh in response.

"What do you need Minako-chan?"

"I just need to slip into the control room for a little bit, Senshi business you know." Minako rolled her eyes like the subject was tiresome and Motoki played along.

"Still doing that are you?"

"Unfortunately, I'm afraid." She grinned and dropped the act. "Hey do you mind keeping a lookout for a big, hot silver haired fellow? He's kind of been following me all day."

"What?" Motoki jumped to his feet. "You mean someone's stalking you?" He looked torn between rushing out and searching for the creep or staying there and comforting her. Minako placed a hand on his arm, making the decision for him.

"I wish," Minako sighed. "No, he's just a cop, sadly. They use to lay out traps for me back in my Sailor V days but haven't bothered me in awhile."

Motoki nodded and then, wide-eyed, leaned in close and whispered, "Is he crooked?" making Minako giggle.

"No!" she snorted, shoving him away. "They just get tired of me upstaging them." She smiled and looked out the window again. Still no sign. It should be a good thing...but it was making her suspicious. "Anyways, I'll be down in the control room. You remember who to look for?"

Motoki nodded, throwing his bar towel over one shoulder and shooing her away. "Tall, silver and handsome. I got it."

Minako grinned.

"Thanks Onii-san! You're the best!"

~~~

Keisuke zoomed in and focused the image, snapping a series of pictures when he was pleased with the settings. He had found Aino-san at the arcade, just like her classmates had said he would, and now he was watching her flirt obnoxiously with the local shopkeeper. Something about the sight annoyed him but if he had to say why, the only reason he could come up with was that he had better things to do with his time then watch a couple make goo goo eyes at each other. That and the man was a little too old for her.

A text came through on his phone, interrupting his camera function, and Keisuke frowned when he saw who it was. Commissioner Goto had been apparently asking for him, no doubt planning to stick him on a different case after this morning's briefing fiasco. He shot off a quick text to his superintendent, letting him know that he was out digging for leads and turned back to his number one suspect.

Who had disappeared.

He cursed, both her and his superior's poor timing, and did a quick scan of the street, only calming down when he didn't see her long golden hair anywhere. She must still be inside the arcade. Considering she was no longer flirting with the shopkeeper, she was most likely deeper inside the building than he could see from his current location. Based off what he'd been told, she'd probably be awhile.

Keisuke shot off another text to his superintendent informing him he'd be off the grid for a few hours and then struggled to find a comfier position. Fire escape staircases always made great stakeout locations, no one ever thought to look up, but they weren't exactly designed for stretching out on. He sighed, eventually giving up on comfort, and focused his lens back on the Crown's windows and front entrance.

At least he no longer had to watch their flirting and, given a little more time—and evidence, he definitely needed evidence, Goto would murder him otherwise—he'd make sure Aino wouldn't have the chance to flirt with anyone else for a long time to come.

Notes:

[wolvesandfoxes25]

What we want: Ch: 6

Arriving at the apartment, Naruto looked around, making sure no-one was in the vicinity.

Coast was clear.

Sighing, Naruto lifted a hand and knocked loudly.

No answer.

Scowling, he knocked again.

No answer.

Knocking once more, almost to a pounding decibel, he heard fowl cursing on the other side.

“Fuck. Just give me a damn minute!”

The door swung open.

“What?!”

Onyx eyes widened, then glared.

“Could you be any louder or impatient, Naruto?” Kakashi asked, annoyed.

The blonde rubbed the back of his head, smiling awkwardly.

“Sorry, Sensei. I just-I really have to talk to you about something.”

The silver haired man nodded, stepping to the side, letting the young Hokage through.

He had a hunch on what the subject was on.

“Want anything to drink? Sake or…sake?”

Naruto smiled, nodding.

“I uh-wasn’t interrupting anything, was I?” His ex-student asked, looking around, a little uncomfortable at the thought of catching his ex-teacher in a compromising position.

“Nope. Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow.” Kakashi answered, grabbing his bottle of alcohol, sitting across from Naruto in his living room.

Naruto blushed, and nodded.

“Well. Good luck?” He said, watching the older man smirk arrogantly.

They did small talk for a little bit, before Kakashi looked squarely at the younger male, raising an eyebrow.

“What did you need to talk about?”

Naruto set his cup down, nudging it in the way of the Hatake male. Kakashi took the hint and poured a shot, nudging it back.

Taking a deep breath, Naruto threw it back, shivering at the burn in his chest, yet relishing in it.

“I uh- I’ve been sleeping with Sakura.”

Kakashi wasn’t surprised, he figured that’s what would happen. After all these years of watching Naruto fawn over Sakura from a distance. It was about damn time.

But, he was married. They were both married. And that was wrong.

“How long?”

Naruto leaned back, “Close to two weeks now.”

Kakashi scratched his nose, furrowing his eyebrows.

“And I’m assuming Hinata does not know?” He asked the young blonde, who looked horrified, shaking his head.

Yeah, he assumed that as well.

“Kakashi-Sensei. I don’t know what to do. With Sakura I feel…alive. Like the old me. Sometimes I look in the mirror at home and see nothing but an old man. A person I don’t know, and don't want to know. When did I turn into Naruto the Hokage? Where is Naruto Uzumaki?”

The older male nodded, understanding where the younger male was coming from.

“And what do you feel when you’re with Hinata?”

Naruto looked down sadly at that question, ashamed of the answer that flitted through his brain.

“I feel…content? Settled.”

Two great words to describe a marriage.

Kakashi downed his sake, pouring a generous amount back into his cup.

“And with Sakura? You said you feel alive?”

Naruto nodded, feeling his face flush.

“I feel…passionate. I feel…whole.” He said, feeling the shame rush over him at the revelation that just now hit his heart.

It was the truth.

It had always been the truth.

“Naruto? I have a question, and I’ve actually been wanting to ask you this for a very long time.” Kakashi said, interrupting his thoughts.

The blonde just stared at the elder male.

“Why didn’t you tell Sakura about your feelings sooner?”

Naruto sighed, closing his eyes, leaning back against the sofa.

“She loved Sasuke. She always has. I couldn’t compete with him. I never could. He’s calm and collected. And I’m…loud and emotional, I’m pretty sure I annoy her ninety nine percent of the time.”

Kakashi smiled softly, shaking his head at his previous student.

“I don’t think that’s the case, Naruto. Sakura…well she…she came to see me after the bar, and she was really torn up on the fact that she never told you her feelings.”

Naruto sat up at that.

“She did? What else did she say?”

Kakashi rubbed his chin.

“I gave her my word. I can’t divulge that information, but, you should talk to her about it.”

Silence.

“There isn’t really a point. We’re both married, and it would only complicate things even more than they already are. If that’s possible..”

Kakashi looked away, feeling heat rise to his cheeks due to the sake.

“Are you going to tell Hinata?”

Naruto felt the shame wash over him, etching itself on his face, and he sighed, feeling exhausted out of nowhere.

“In due time, yes, I will tell her. I-I don’t know what will happen when she finds out. Should we divorce? Should I try and work things out with her?”

Kakashi looked at him again.

“I think you should tell her, when you’re ready. And Sakura should definitely tell Sasuke. Honestly, I don’t even think he’ll give it any thought. He’s never here and she deserves to be happy. Wouldn’t you agree? You both deserve to be happy, Naruto.”

The Hokage in question sighed but nodded.

Silence.

Smirking lightly, he looked the elder Shinobi over.

“So…you bringing a man or woman home tomorrow?”

Kakashi choked on the sake he was drinking, the burning making his eyes water profusely.

“W-What?’ He coughed, which made Naruto laugh.

Kakashi took a big breath in, turning a scowl on the blonde man across the way.

“Is that a question regarding my sexual preferences?”

Naruto just shrugged.

“Now, Naruto. You’ve seen the book I read. What do you think?”

Hey. Looks could be deceiving.

“You never know, maybe you’re good at covering it up. Then again, for the longest time, we all three thought you were asexual. Or…maybe nothing but your hand could suffice.” He chuckled, watching the red streak cover his ex-teachers face.

“I’ll have you know that I got plenty of action before and after I met you all of you brats. With women.”

Naruto smirked, but nodded.

“Well. Since we’re laying all this out, I must know. Did you and Sasuke ever decide to poke each other?”

Naruto was glad he wasn’t drinking when Kakashi-Sensei asked that question, or the sake would be all over the other man.

“W-What are you talking a-about?!” The young blonde screeched, standing up, face enflamed.

Kakashi chuckled, “Well. I just presumed after all those years of chasing him, that maybe you had another reason, other than friendship.”

Naruto felt his jaw unhinge and fall open.

“W-What??”

Kakashi just shrugged, humored at the fact that the blonde was currently opening and shutting his mouth like a fish.

“I have never wanted to have a relationship like that with Sasuke.” Naruto spat, shuddering at the image that flit across his mind.

The silver haired male only chuckled, wiping his eyes free of the tears that pooled due to his excessive laughing.

Naruto smiled too, watching the older shinobi lean back, wrapping his arm around the back of the sofa.

That mask was still in place, and Naruto glared.

That mask is coming off!

"Sensei? You know…it’s been nineteen years, when are you going to finally show us what’s under that mask?“ Naruto questioned him.

Kakashi smirked, “Well, first off Naruto, you’re the Hokage now, you don’t need to call me sensei. And second, why does it matter what’s under the mask? Is it because of your bet with Sasuke and Sakura?”

The blonde sputtered on his drink then, coughing violently.

“How did you know about that?”

Kakashi set his cup down, folding his arms.

“Sakura let it slip when she told me about what happened between the two of you. We had done the ‘give and take’ thing, where if she answered a specific, personal question, I’d take off my mask. Well, she let spill that you all had a bet on what I had under it.”

Naruto cursed Sakura silently.

“You bet I had fish lips?”

Naruto just shrugged, snickering.

“I think it’s a multitude of things, probably bad teeth, or a fucked up lip. Take your pick.”

Silence.

“Honestly, I don’t want to see it anymore, considering your age, you probably are littered with age spots. Wrinkles tend to form around the mouth first once you hit old age.”

Kakashi lifted a brow, flaring his nostrils.

“So, the women you bring home, are they old as well? Maybe full time bar pedestrians, looking for a little bit of time with someone as old as them so they won’t feel so bad. I guess pity sex is better than no sex at all.”

Kakashi glared.

Reverse psychology.

“I know what you’re doing, Naruto.” The elder ninja stated, sounding bored, yet aggravated that he was getting older.

“I’m not doing anything. Everyone gets old. No shame in that game. But still, are we supposed to pretend that you’re actually decent looking with all those wrinkles, and frown lines? Especially around your eyes, they’re terrible.”

Naruto put the cherry on top by making a grossed out face, making a show of inspecting his own face.

Kakashi sighed, oh well, he had waited almost twenty years to see it, he deserved it by now.

Grunting, he forced the mask down, and watched as the younger males eyes widened.

“Woah! It’s a good thing you kept your face hidden, sensei. Imagine all the females that would be clamoring over you on missions. You know when you were young enough to go on missions.”

Kakashi glared harder at him.

“Enough of that.”

Naruto was still inspecting his face, when his eyes hit the mole at the corner of his mouth.

“Oh shit! You have a wart!”

“Mole. Beauty spot.” Kakashi murmured, shoving his mask back over his features.

Naruto snickered, taking it all in, thanking Kakashi for doing that for him, and apologized for the falsified insults.

“You’re still young, Kakashi-sensei. Alive and kickin if what you say is true about your sexual exploits.”

The Hatake male chuckled.

“True.”

              One week later:

Naruto was standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom, adjusting his Hokage robe, running his fingers through his blonde tresses.

His hair was starting to grow out longer, and he had decided to let it. He missed his longer locks, liking how they made him look younger. Probably why Kakashi-Sensei never cut his own hair.

He looked pretty good, deciding on a shirt with a little less orange, only the Uzumaki symbol, and stripes on the cuffs were orange, the shirt fitted to him, opting out of the one that looked baggy. It really defined him and definitely his chest, his pants black, shinobi sandals completing the ensemble.

“Naruto-kun?”

Hinata appeared behind him, dusting off his Hokage robe, smiling at him in the mirror.

“Are you sure you don’t want to try and go?” He asked her, a little disappointed she wouldn’t be accompanying him.

Shaking her head, she blushed.

“It isn’t really a dinner like that, Naruto-kun. Temari-chan isn’t going with Shikamaru-chan, and I couldn't get a sitter.”

Naruto sighed, but nodded.

“Alright. Well, I need to be going. I’ll be home when this is all over. Hopefully it won’t take too long. I wouldn’t wait up.” He told her, leaning forward, pecking her forward, an intense wave of guilt crashing over him, which he shook off diligently. Closing his eyes, sighing, he pulled away, bidding her farewell.

Sakura stood in the mirror, turning this way and that, inspecting the long kimono like dress she had purchased the day before, enjoying the color. It was a pale pink like her hair, adorned with black leggings underneath and her white heels. She’d top the ensemble off with her doctors coat, and a little bit of makeup.

“Mom. You look great!” Sarada’s voice said, her daughters image appearing in the mirror.

“Thank you.” Sakura said to her child, patting her head, “Now. You’re sure you’ll be here alright for a couple of hours?”

Sarada rolled her eyes, crossing her arms.

“Yes, mom. This isn’t the first time you’ve left me to watch over the house.”

Sakura blanched at that, a wave of maternal guilt taking over her, making her sigh.

“Believe me. I wish I could stay here, the Hokage’s council is going to be drilling me and my team like crazy concerning this clinical trial.”

Sarada smiled, “I know you can do it mom. Just put on the charm, and I’m sure Lord Seventh will help you out in that respect as well. Since he’s rather charming himself.”

Sakura raised an eyebrow, seeing her daughter blush at that statement.

“You think highly of Naruto don’t you?” She asked Sarada, laughter present in her tone.

Sarada blushed profusely, shaking her head, waving her hands about.

“N-N-No! Mom! H-He’s old!”

Sakura rolled her eyes, dabbing on a little bit of lip gloss, grabbing her purse.

“Right. Being in your early thirties makes you old, hmm?”

Sarada tried to backtrack, not wanting to offend her own mother with that statement.

“No! I-I, that is, I…”

Sakura laughed, bending low and hugging Sarada, ruffling her hair.

“No problem, kid. Just be safe while I’m gone, alright? If you need anything, you have my number, and also grandma and grandpas.”

Naruto and the council sat at one of the tables in the backroom at Gyokai, the newest seafood establishment in Konoha.

Looking around, Naruto noticed Shikamaru coming through the door, putting out a cigarette before stepping in, taking off his sandals.

He looked like he normally did.

Not surprising, Shikamaru was too lazy to look nice in any capacity, but Naruto didn’t care.

“Yo, Hokage-sama.” He said, waving slightly.

Naruto glared at the formality.

“What did I tell you, Shikamaru?” Naruto asked, sighing in aggravation.

“Hey. The council is here, it’s only proper, I don’t want one of them bitching me out for not being ‘professional.’ Grin and bear it, just for this dinner.”

Naruto rolled his eyes but nodded, flipping through a menu that had been placed in front of him.

Nothing but seafood.

He wanted ramen.

Sakura brushed her dress off for the thousandth time before walking inside, the medical team on her heels, mumbling about how nice the restaurant looked.

Removing her sandals, she looked towards the table and noticed Naruto.

Looking bored.

But, the rest of him looked…handsome, his hair a little shaggy, starting to fall back into his eyes again.

Smiling, she saw him raise his head, eyes clashing with hers, blue ones widening at her state of dress, his back straightening.

Sakura felt herself blush, adjusting her coat, feeling self conscious all of a sudden.

Naruto was listening to the unending conversation to his left, when he heard voices near the front.

Sakura.

Darting his eyes over to her, he felt the breath rush from his chest.

She looked glorious.

Just like a cherry blossom in bloom.

Her dress matched with her red one remarkably, only the color matched almost perfectly with her hair, and there was no flare out in the middle of this one, the whole thing falling to mid shin. She wore black tights underneath.

The whole outfit brought him back to his genin days, and he shuddered.

The thing that stood out the most though was her eyes.

Her gorgeous eyes that he had immediately fallen in love with as a child, never before seeing such emerald hues.

His eyes wouldn’t move off of her, watching as she shook hands with his council, introducing her staff to everybody, including Shikamaru, then to him.

“Hokage-sama.” Her voice cut through, and he shook his head out of the clouds, smiling at the hospital staff, standing up and greeting them formally.

“Welcome. Please, take a seat.”

Sakura felt his eyes on her, her stomach quivering, nerves on tight ends. Shooting a glance up his way, she raised a brow, glaring lightly, making him smirk and look away.

“Sakura-sama.” Misuru started, “I’d like to know more about this clinical trial. Are you sure you’ll be able to master the skills for it to work?”

Naruto raised an eyebrow at the statement, feeling it was teetering on an insult.

However, the pinkette blushed, taking a sip of water before she began.

“Well, me and my team have done some intense research regarding the bi product, and there’s no reason as to why we wouldn’t be able to successfully make a spinal graft. Not only that, but it will start giving us insights on other bone grafts as well.”

Misuru grunted, but nodded.

Naruto smiled at the professional way Sakura held herself, proud of her, knowing Misuru was a lot to handle.

“I think it’s a grand thing.” Hana, the third member of the council said, taking a sip of sake.

“Why is that?” Misuru questioned her.

“Well, because it means we’re moving forward in medical departments. It’s never a good thing to be left behind, and Sakura-chan here is the best medical Kuniochi in Konoha, if not in many governing lands. Remember, we’ve had a bounce in revenue for the hospital, due to patients coming from other villages to see her and only her. Tusnade-sama had that as well. And she was a sannin.”

Naruto smiled at the elder woman, feeling even more pride run through his chest.

Sakura needed to know how amazing she was as a doctor, he knew her self-esteem got a little bit down.

In the midst of Naruto staring around the table, taking in conversations, and minor chit chat, he noticed the male member of the medical staff staring at Sakura, a strange look in his eyes.

Admiration.

Naruto felt a growl rumble deep within.

Slapping himself-and Kurama-mentally, he looked away, knowing that nothing good would come of him shooting fiery glares the younger males way.

The dinner took quite awhile, through many conversations about how to bone graft, to families, to children, to the hospitals regular funding.

Which really needed to be looked into. They required an abundance of things that they couldn’t keep pushing off.

Naruto had a couple ideas in mind.

As everyone crowded at the door to leave, Naruto watched Sakura put her heels back on, the same male touching her shoulder, gripping it firmly, saying words of congratulations, smiling warmly.

The same growl penetrated Naruto’s mind.

Stop it.

Do something, welp!

Naruto ignored him.

There was nothing he could do.

Leaving the restaurant, Naruto walked side by side with Sakura, telling her he would walk her home. He received a raised brow at the statement, but she shrugged, cheeks taking on a dusty color at his chivalry.

When they had all dispersed, Naruto made sure no-one was within hearing distance.

“You look beautiful tonight, Sakura.” He muttered.

Sakura glanced at him, feeling his blue eyes on her.

Stomach fluttering, Sakura nudged his shoulder, thanking him in a teasing manner, not noticing the veil of heat fall over his irises.

Silence.

“You also did a fantastic job with the council. They’re actually looking forward to this clinical trial, and they don’t look forward to anything, except maybe me stepping down.” Naruto joked, cupping his hands behind his head.

Sakura watched him, a strong sense of dejavu falling over her.

This is how it always used to be. They’d walk home from training, or eating, or seeing lady Tsunade for their briefing.

But, things were very different now.

And the thought made Sakura’s heart clench, teeth worrying her lower lip.

Silence.

“N-Naruto?” She started, feeling her throat clench with emotion.

“Hm?”

“I just wanted to say you look very handsome tonight, I like that you’re growing your hair out. And the shirt does wonders for you. Not too orange. Which, there’s nothing wrong with orange.” She mumbled, feeling the pit of her stomach flutter when his fingers grazed her hand as they continued walking.

The blonde stopped walking then, eyes fastened on her, leaning forward to grab her wrist, stopping her movements.

Sakura sucked in a breath at his facial expression.

“Sakura. I need to speak to you about something, about everything. Can we go somewhere private?” He whispered, tightening his hold on her.

The Kuniochi sucked in a breath, feeling her frame start to tremble.

“We can’t, Naruto. Sarada is at home, a-and-”

Suddenly, her words were cut off, Naruto folding her in his arms, bouncing away.

Sakura gasped, struggling a little in his grasp.

“N-Naruto! What the hell!?”

The blonde smirked, and instantly stopped, the pinkette clutching the front of his shirt fiercely.

Opening her eyes, Sakura gasped.

They were on top of the Hokage monument.

Naruto removed his cloak, setting it down, sitting down, patting the space beside him.

Sakura smiled lightly, reaching down and removing her sandals, putting them beside his robe.

They sat in silence for a little bit, their stares straight above at the stars, the echoing stillness peaceful, instilling calm where chaos usually clamored.

“Sakura.” His deep voice reached her, and she turned to look at him, entranced by the tranquility that fell over both of them.

The blonde male closed his eyes, gritting his teeth, trying to find the right way to start this conversation.

Sakura wrapped her arms around her knees, pulling them up against her chin, eyes still on the young Hokage, who seemed to be waging a war with himself.

What was wrong?

“Sakura-I…” He began again, his throat dry, feeling as if he swallowed several thousand cotton balls.

“Are you alright, Naruto?” She mumbled, reaching out to grab his hand, squeezing his fingers.

The touch sent a spike of heat to his heart and he looked down, finally gathering the courage.

“I love you.”

Sakura felt time pause around her, her throat constricting, then quivering, tears building in her eyes.

Naruto felt his heart squeeze when she didn’t answer, blue eyes closing and looking away.

“I love you too.” A raspy voice hit him and he turned his head to her, green eyes staring in his direction, tears leaking down her cheeks.

Naruto felt his own misting, then well up and flow over, mirroring what his soul was doing.

Breathing in raggedly, he enclosed her in his arms, stuffing his nose in her tresses, feeling her shake furiously against him, hands and nails clenching his shirt, sobs mixing with his own.

“Naruto.” Sakura whispered, shutting her eyes, pulling out of his warm embrace, wiping her eyes.

“I know.” He responded, knowing what she was going to say.

“You’re with Hinata, Naruto. And I’m with Sasuke. A-And I don’t know what we’re doing, are we going to continue to have this fling?”

That was the wrong thing to say.

“Fling?” Naruto growled, glaring at her.

Sakura bit her lip, wishing she could take the words back. She knew that wasn’t what this was.

“After me just admitting to you that I loved you, you still think this is a fling?"

“Well, Naruto, it’s sort of a foregone conclusion, isn’t it?”

“No! It’s not, not for me.” He responded hotly, cheek twitching with his frustration.

Sakura sighed, but nodded, closing her eyes.

“Naruto. I do not want to break up you and Hinata’s marriage, that’s not anything I want. I don’t want to be part of that, please.” She all but begged him, watching him tense.

Silence.

“What if I want to?” He murmured, glancing at her in what looked like shame.

Sakura felt like someone had shoved her in the chest, eyes misting over once more.

“D-Do you?” She asked, voice raspy, thick with tension.

Naruto breathed out a sigh, shoving his hand into his hair to almost tear at the strands in frustration. “I just really don’t like who I’m becoming right now. And when I think about Bolt and Himawari…It’s just not behavior that I want to model for my children.”

Those words ripped through her like a kunai and she almost whimpered. Swallowing back pain that threatened to consume her, she sniffled.

“What do you want to do?”

Naruto felt his throat burn and constrict with the tears he tried to not shed.

“I think we should stop.”

Those were the words that Sakura knew were coming. It didn’t make them hurt any less though, and she felt her shoulders shake with an uncontrollable urge to plunge herself off the monument.

The impact would hurt less.

Naruto looked at her, tears leaking out of his irises, fighting his entire being to not sob.

Sakura couldn’t help clutching the spot where her heart lay, the heat making its way through her body, to scald her organ, thoroughly incinerating her from the inside out.

“O-Okay.” She managed to rasp out, moving to shaky feet.

Naruto watched her, wanting to reach a hand out to grasp hers, but deciding not too.

Not bothering to put her shoes on, Sakura looked over her shoulder once more, watching as he turned his face away from hers, hands clenched tightly, shoulders trembling.

Sakura didn't wait for any more words to be exchanged, hopping off the monument and away from the man that had just effectively shattered her.

Sarada looked at the time, it was approaching ten o’clock and wondered where her mother was?

Closing the ninja book she was reading, she laid back, staring at the ceiling.

There was something going on between her mother and The Seventh. She could feel it.

It all went back to that night when he stopped over. After he had left her mother was rattled for the rest of the evening, seemingly lost in space the entire time.

She looked so sad. So…disappointed.

It left Sarada confused and a little uneasy.

What had he said to her to warrant that sort of response? Did the clinical trial get turned down?

No. It hadn’t, for she had asked her mom that exact question shortly after The Seventh left.

So, what was it?

It wasn’t only that evening either, it was days afterwards as well. Every time Sarada would bring him up, her mom would get this strange expression of what seemed like…pain, but not physical pain.

Emotional pain.

And it wasn’t only her mother either, but also the Hokage himself.

Twice, she had brought up her mother’s late nights at the hospitals, and Lord Seventh took on a face of concern immediately, eyebrows furrowing. He then drilled Sarada on if she was sleeping alright, or eating.

Sarada raised a brow at him, only nodding, a little confused.

The raven haired teenager sighed, rubbing her nose.

She had a guess of what was going on, but it really wasn’t her business. Her mother was a grown woman, but she was worried about her.

Suddenly, Sarada picked up on a sound and she sat up quickly, gripping a kunai she kept on her dresser.

Tiptoeing down the hallway, activating her sharingan, she heard the sound coming from her mothers bedroom. Stopping, she pressed her ear against the door, hearing a muffled sob hit her ears.

It was her mother.

Sarada put the kunai down, continuing to listen.

The sobs were coming out quicker and louder now, even if her mom tried to stifle them.

They broke Sarada’s heart.

Something had happened.

Sighing, the Uchiha slid down the wall and listened to her mother fall apart on the other side of the door.

And there was nothing she could do.

Nothing.

[mayacatmaster]

Don't give up: If you would have good health, then you must imagine this as vividly as in fear you imagine the opposite. *** *** *** *** *** Determined imagination, thinking from the end, is the beginning of all miracles. ~Neville *** *** *** *** *** Magic happens when you don't give up, even though you want to. The universe always falls in love with a stubborn heart. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Don't argue for your limitations, and don't beat up on yourself for having negative emotion; no one wants their house to be full of smoke.

*** *** ***

LooK! You are Witness-Mirror-Consciousness, You are the “Wholeness”(True Self; Brahman)~~~ ! You are disown any kind of "I am this or I am that!". Neither this "though"(feeling, name , form, mind , body, personality, dreamer-dream) nor that~~~!

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Via and Thanks “A View from the Leading Edge”

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Don't argue for your limitations, and don't beat up on yourself for having negative emotion; no one wants their house to be full of smoke. But don't get carried away with it, either; don't react to it in a way that makes it worse. And here's the bottom line in all of this - and this is a wonderful leading-edge discussion - it's impossible not to react to something and make it worse if you're in the vicinity of what happened. As you walk in in that vibration, of course you're going to have that reaction. If you walk in while you're flying high, you're feeling good, you know you have wellbeing, you know that wellbeing abounds, and that happens - you open a window and you don't make a big deal about it. But if you're not, then one thought leads to another, "I could die in my sleep," or "she could be so irresponsible that she could do this or this or this or this or this or this or this," when the fact of it is nothing like that has happened, and the likelihood of it happening has more to do with your reaction than it does with anything else. Now, of course, we don't think that you should put up with unwanted things. We think that if there's a lot of things that are going on that are unpleasant that we would move out. But we wouldn't move out from fear of what's happening, and we wouldn't move out from disgust of what's happening, and we wouldn't move out in anger - we would get into our high-flying disk and let our Inner Being call us to what's next. Q: It's my home, so the question is, if we say, "You'd be better off finding another place." And I agree, I mean I appreciate totally.... A: But, you see, you can't find that high-flying disk where you encourage her into something that is going to be, in the long run, more satisfying to her because you have this attitude that you're throwing her out. You can't have this attitude that you're throwing her out at the same time that you're on your high-flying disk. So it takes a little work. We know this isn't the easiest thing to do.  We're talking about what you're reacting to. Reactions are the most important conversation - Law of Attraction, the words or the concept of Law of Attraction, and the concept of reaction are the same, aren't they, because you cannot react outside of the boundaries of your active beliefs. That's such a powerful statement - "I cannot respond, nor can the Universe respond to me, outside of the boundaries of my active beliefs."  ~Abraham

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Appendix: If you would have good health. Don't argue for your limitations,~~：

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

LooK! You are Witness-Mirror-Consciousness, You are the “Wholeness”(True Self; Brahman)~~~ ! You are disown any kind of "I am this or I am that!". Neither this "though"(feeling, name , form, mind , body, personality, dreamer-dream) nor that~~~! *** *** *** Bondage is to mistakenly identify-with and take illusion for one's self, even though in Truth, one's Nature is Ever Free. ~Datta Vidwan... *** *** *** The only limitations one has are the ones they place on themselves  -Muhammed Ali *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Everything Created Twice! *** *** ***  Like building a house, first draw it in mind, and then draw on paper. *** *** ***  Eagle dream of flying in the sky,  While it still in the egg. Big oak tree dream of swaying in the wind,  While it still in the seed. *** *** ***  Everything is Created Twice. Once in the mind and then in reality. Pay close attention to the thoughts-feeling-emotion you choose. They have a way of becoming real. *** *** ***  If you want it, identify with it as " me; myself; I; mine" and "true".  *** *** ***  If you don't want it, use your heart like "Mirror-Witness-Consciousness",  Relax-empty your mind-body,  don't identify with it as " me; myself; I; mine" and "true". *** *** ***  99.99% of your creation is complete before you see Any physical evidence of it! ~Abraham *** *** ***  The relationship between you and "YOU"(True Self; Tao; Brahman) is not one of separateness but of alignment and resonance. ~Abraham *** *** ***  Faith is: Knowing what the "Source"(True Self; Tao; Brahman; God) within me Knows, without life having to prove it to me. ~AH *** *** *** You are the “Wholeness”(True Self; Brahman)~~~ ! *** *** ***  Neither this thought nor that thought. Neither this feeling nor that feeling . Neither this name nor that name. Neither this form nor that form. Neither this mind nor that mind. Neither this body nor that body. Neither this personality nor that personality. Neither this dreamer-dream nor that dreamer-dream. *** *** ***  If you identify with what comes and goes, you will be unhappy. If you identify with what is "Permanent"(Tao; True Self; Wholeness; Brahman) and always there, you are happiness itself. ~Papaji *** *** *** You are beyond any kind of time-space, nowhere. You are beyond any kind of dreamer-dream, nowhere. You are beyond any kind of mind-body, nowhere. You are beyond any kind of form-name, nowhere. You are beyond any kind of thought -feeling, nowhere. *** *** ***  You are infinite Life-Ocean-Sky-Heart-Wisdom-Light. *** *** ***  The one who identifies himself as a man, or a mind, or a body is not a “Wholeness”(True Self; Brahman).  *** *** ***  A “Wholeness”(True Self; Brahman) never identifies himself as a thought or a feeling, or a name, or a form, or a man, or a mind, or a body, or a dreamer-dream, or in any kind of time-space.  *** *** *** You are the Solitary Witness of All That Is, forever free! Your only Bondage is not seeing this! ~ Ashtavakra Gita~ *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Do nothing else but stay in the "I am", the primary illusion, and then it will release its stranglehold on you and vanish. ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** The primary concept " I am" is dishonest, a cheat, it has deceived you into believing what is not . Focus sharply on the "I am" and it will disappear. *** *** *** The 'I am' is the sum total of everything you perceive. It appears spontaneously and disappears, it has no dwelling place. It is like a dream world. Do not try to be something, even a spiritual person. You are the manifested. the tree is already there in the seed. Such is the 'I am'. Just see it as it is. ~Nisargadatta Maharaj *** *** *** Nowhere you through “I am~~~！” imagining yourself. But what is your “I am~~~！”nowhere? *** *** *** In this moment, maybe we can realized~~~！； In this time-space reality. in this dream and dreamer. In this dream everything come and go , keep shifting like the clouds. In this time-space reality. in this dream~~~！； Peoples are constantly changing migration. Objects are constantly changing migration. Events are constantly changing migration. The only thing you can really sure is :”I am~~~~！” *** *** *** Nowhere you through “I am~~~！” imagining yourself. But what is your “I am~~~！”nowhere? *** *** *** Who am I? Simply one more unidentified object. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Man has falsely identified himself with the pseudo-soul or ego. When he transfers his sense of identify to his true being, the immortal Soul, he discovers that all pain is unreal. He no longer can even imagine the state of suffering. ~Paramahansa Yogananda *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** The heart, such as a-still-mirror-lake-of-water,  The heart, without staining such as the infinite-sky no clouds. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Just as a mirror exists everywhere. Both within and apart from its reflected images, The "Supreme"(True Self; Tao) Lord exists everywhere within and apart from "I am this or I am that!"~~~ mind-body, individual personality, egos, dreamer-dream, thought, feeling. *** *** *** Where the world wave of its own nature rises or disappears. In the infinite ocean of myself, I neither gain nor lose anything by that. *** *** *** Mirror, mirror, mirror, ~~~! Mirror my mind , heart, body, individual personality, egos, out-of-this-world amd into-of-this-world. Mirror and no identify with anything, Mirror, no identify with any kind of dream & dreamer. Mirror, no identify with any kind of mind, heart, body, individual personality, egos, out-of-this-world and into-of-this-world. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** So, use your heart like "mirror"(witness & watching & be fully aware & inner empty sky ) no identify with any kind of object phenomenon experience. *** *** *** No identify with any kind of thought ; ideology, belief, feeling, mind, heart, I'm this or I'm that, dreamer-dream, *** Know this~~~! I am not the person I was a moment ago I am not even the person I think I am this very moment In fact I am not a person at all. I am Life Itself. I am Death Itself., *** *** *** I am the “Witness-Mirror-Consciousness” of my mind, thought, feeling, body, self-image, self-definition, self-identity and world. Thoughts are like flock of birds flying overhead in formation.......It is enough to recognize them for what they are and not invite them to roost on our heads. ~Vidwan ★★★ ☆☆☆ I am the “Witness-Mirror-Consciousness” of my thoughts, Thoughts are like cloud group flying overhead in sky....... .It is enough to recognize them for what they are and use your heart like mirror & witness. No identify with any kind of thought. ~~~！； 「Who am I? ；What am I? 」； Simply one more unidentified object~~~~. All kind of thoughts come and go, like a cloud, flow change, like water flowing, not forever~~~！； *** *** *** Your " True self " not equal to any kind of the thought; thinking; idea; ideology, faith; belief, ~~~! You are the witness-watching-mirror-beyond any kind of “I-am-this- thinker & think” Idea. *** *** *** Otherwise you want to identify with what kind of thoughts, said this is “ me；mine ; I or myself ” and "true" ? Or otherwise you want to identify with what kind of thoughts, said this is “ True Self of Original Face.” ? ★★★ ☆☆☆ I am the “Witness-Mirror-Consciousness” of my feeling. Feeling are like cloud group flying overhead in sky....... .It is enough to recognize them for what they are and use your heart like mirror & witness. No identify with any kind of feeling. ~~~！； *** *** *** 「Who am I? ；What am I? 」； Simply one more unidentified object~~~~. All kind of feeling come and go, like a cloud, flow change, like water flowing, not forever~~~！； *** *** *** Your "True self" not equal to any kind of the emotions, feelings, mood, senses~~~!  You are the witness-watching-mirror-beyond any kind of “I-am-this-feeling” Idea. *** *** *** Otherwise you want to identify with what kind of feeling, said this is “me；mine ; I or myself ” and "true" ? Or otherwise you want to identify with what kind of feeling, said this is “ True Self of Original Face.” ? ★★★ ☆☆☆ I am the “Witness-Mirror-Consciousness” of body forms, All body forms are like cloud group flying overhead in sky....... .It is enough to recognize them for what they are and use your heart like mirror & witness. No identify with any kind of body forms ~~~！； ** *** *** 「Who am I? ；What am I? 」； Simply one more unidentified object~~~~. All kind of body forms come and go, like a cloud, flow change, like water flowing, not forever~~~！； *** *** *** Your " True self " not equal to any kind of the body forms. You are the witness-watching-mirror-beyond any kind of “I-am-this-body form” Idea. *** *** *** Otherwise you want to identify with what kind of body forms, said this is “me；mine ; I or myself ” and "true" ? Or otherwise you want to identify with what kind of body forms, said this is “ True Self of Original Face.” ? ★★★ ☆☆☆ I am the “Witness-Mirror-Consciousness” of my minds, All minds are like cloud group flying overhead in sky....... .It is enough to recognize them for what they are and use your heart like mirror & witness. No identify with any kind of minds ~~~！； *** *** *** 「Who am I? ；What am I? 」； Simply one more unidentified object~~~~. All kind of minds come and go, like a cloud, flow change, like water flowing, not forever~~~！； *** *** *** Your" True self " not equal to any kind of the mind. You are the witness-watching-mirror-beyond any kind of “I-am-the- minds” Idea. *** *** *** Otherwise you want to identify with what kind of mind, said this is “me；mine ; I or myself ” and "true" ? Or otherwise you want to identify with what kind of mind, said this is “ True Self of Original Face.” ? ★★★ ☆☆☆ I am the “Witness-Mirror-Consciousness” of my self-imagines,  All self-imagines are like cloud group flying overhead in sky....... .It is enough to recognize them for what they are and use your heart like mirror & witness. No identify with any kind of self-imagines ~~~！； *** *** *** 「Who am I? ；What am I? 」； Simply one more unidentified object~~~~. All kind of self-imagines come and go, like a cloud, flow change, like water flowing, not forever~~~！； *** *** *** Your " True self " not equal to any kind of the limited self-definition. You are the witness-watching-mirror-beyond any kind of “I-am-this- self-definition” Idea. *** *** *** Your " True self " not equal to any kind of the self-identity, self-imagine. You are the witness-watching-mirror-beyond any kind of “I-am-the- self-imagine” Idea. *** *** *** Or you want to grasp what kind of self-imagines, said this is “me；mine ; I or myself ” and "true" ? Or you want to grasp what kind of self-imagines, said this is “ True Self of Original Face.” ? ★★★ ☆☆☆ I am the “Witness-Mirror-Consciousness” of dreamer & dreams, All dreamer & dreams are like cloud group flying overhead in sky....... .It is enough to recognize them for what they are and use your heart like mirror & witness. No identify with any kind of dreamer & dreams ~~~！； *** *** *** 「Who am I? ；What am I? 」； Simply one more unidentified object~~~~. All kind of dreamer & dreams come and go, like a cloud, flow change, like water flowing, not forever~~~！； *** *** *** Your " True self " not equal to any kind of the dreamer & dreams. You are the witness-watching-mirror-beyond any kind of “I-am-this- dreamer & dream” Idea. *** *** *** Otherwise you want to identify with what kind of dreamer & dreams, said this is “me；mine ; I or myself ” and "true" ? Or otherwise you want to identify with of dreamer & dreams, said this is “ True Self of Original Face.” ? ★★★ ☆☆☆ I am the “Witness-Mirror-Consciousness” of my nervous systems, All nervous systems are like cloud group flying overhead in sky....... .It is enough to recognize them for what they are and use your heart like mirror & witness. No identify with any kind of nervous systems ~~~！； *** *** *** 「Who am I? ；What am I? 」； Simply one more unidentified object~~~~. All kind of nervous systems come and go, like a cloud, flow change, like water flowing, not forever~~~！； *** *** *** You" True self" not equal to any kind of the nervous system about time and space. You are the witness-watching-mirror-beyond any kind of “I-am-this- nervous system” Idea. You are the Beyond Space-Time. *** *** *** Otherwise you want to identify with what kind of nervous systems, said this is “me；mine ; I or myself ” and "true" ? Or otherwise you want to identify with what kind of nervous systems, said this is “ True Self of Original Face.” ? *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Thanks for “Nisargadatta Maharaj & Papaji & Vidwan” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

[culinarystrategist]

✿ five times my muse almost texted yours, and the one time they did.

Send a symbol

✿  five times my muse almost texted yours, and the one time they did.

@mercuriix

i.

“Hey, mister! Can you get that down for me, please?”

It takes a moment for Ignis to realise that he’s the mister in question. Looking down, he sees a small child, bouncing and pointing towards an array plush, baby chocobos on the shelf opposite. Whirling around, he grabs the toy closes to him and holds it out.

“No, not that one. The blue one.” The child rolls his eyes and points again. “There!”

Replacing the original, Ignis gestures to the blue chocobo and glances down for confirmation. Certain that he’s now on the right lines, he takes the plush from the shelf and gives it to the child.

“Thanks mister! Mom! Mommy!” Clearly delighted, the child goes running off, presumably to persuade his mother to buy the toy, leaving Ignis standing by the display. He knows someone who’d love one of these, and his phone is in his hand, poised to take a photo before he knows it.

It goes unused, however, because Prompto is Noctis’ friend, not his, and while they may have each others’ numbers, they don’t regularly communicate. To start like this would be improper.

ii. Staring down at packed bags, Ignis chews his lip. For most of his life, he’s been preparing for this. The same can be said of Noctis and Gladio. Prompto, however, is an unknown quantity. A commoner with next to no experience or training. Friend or not, Ignis’ conscience battles over whether or not Prompto should be included in their party. There was no doubts over his enthusiasm; rather, his usefulness was what came under Ignis’ questioning. Diplomatically speaking, it is vital that they conduct themselves appropriately and Ignis believes this may be beyond Prompto’s abilities.

Four times now, he’s attempted to compose a text message, trying to word it in such a way that he’ll spare Prompto’s feelings whilst suggesting that he should remain behind in the city. It feels like a cruelty, both to Prompto and to Noctis, so the messages keep being deleted and rewritten as he struggles to find the best way of putting his thoughts into words.

Midway through his fifth try, Ignis’ phone vibrates with a message received. Swiping his thumb across the screen, he brings up an image of Prompto’s smiling face. The caption underneath declares him ‘Ready for anything!’. It may not do much to assuage Ignis’ concerns, but it does help him make up his mind about what he wants to say: nothing.

iii.

“We agreed to stick together,” Ignis protests, his phone in his hand. “The sun will be setting soon. Who knows what trouble will find him?”

The tent is up, the campfire roaring and dinner is almost ready, but one of their party - Prompto - is nowhere to be seen. He took off a little while ago, riding his chocobo with unabashed zeal.

“Leave the kid be, Iggy,” Gladio grumbles, pausing in his training tussle with Noctis to shake his head. “He’s just blowin’ off steam. He’ll be back soon enough.”

Trees surround the haven, making it impossible to see very far. Ignis cocks his head and listens for the telltale warks of a jumping, leaping chocobo, but none are to be heard. With daemons on the prowl, Imperials in the air and all manner of creatures stalking the forest, Ignis feels justified in fearing for Prompto’s safety.

“Yeah, he can look after himself!” Which was easy for Noctis to say, even if Gladio did have him in a headlock at that moment.

“Hm.” Unconvinced, yet acquiescing, Ignis slips his phone back into his pocket. “If he’s not back in fifteen minutes, I’m sending you two out after him.” If he wasn’t back in fifteen minutes, a text probably wouldn’t suffice.

iv.

There’s nothing quite like an early morning stroll to blow the cobwebs from one’s mind. The beauty of Altissia is quite breathtaking and as Ignis climbs yet another set of stairs, he almost wishes he had someone with whom he could share the sights. The others were all still fast asleep when he left, and undoubtedly still would be when he returns with an armful of freshly baked delights for breakfast. Assuming he can find the bakery.

As stunning as it is, Altissia is maze-like. The staircases and canals make it very easy to get lost. One wrong turn and you’re somewhere you don’t wish to be, with no idea of how to get back. One day, sometime in the future, Ignis will come back and spend at least a week here, getting to know all the little streets and narrow alleys with the boutiques and shops that beg for attention that he doesn’t have time to give right now.

Up and over another bridge, Ignis glances out towards the sea and a shock of blond hair catches his eye. Prompto is awake? This is a surprise! He’d call out, but the distance between them is too great for his voice to carry, so he reaches for his phone instead, to send a message and suggest that they, somehow, try to meet up.

The figure turns, though, and Ignis realises his mistake in the nick of time. It’s not Prompto over there, merely a lookalike.

v.

A putrid stench fills the air. This place is as impure as it’s possible to be. Locked in a cell, Ignis and Gladio sit in silence but for the ever present thrum of machinery in the background. Noctis is somewhere in this keep and, Ignis hopes, Prompto too. Head tilted back to rest against the wall, Ignis lets out a weary sigh. It’s hard to tell how long they’ve been here.

“I wish they’d turn on the lights. I hate this darkness.” Gladio’s low, rumbling complaint makes Ignis chuckle.

“Welcome to my world,” he retorts, dark humour lacing his words.

“Huh? Oh, right. Sorry. Still getting used to the whole… You know.”

Blindness, is the word he’s looking for, but Gladio skirts around it. Noctis does too, to an extent. The only one who hasn’t is Prompto. Ignis misses the kid’s bluntness.

Despite being bundled into a cell, he and Gladio had been allowed to keep their belongings, and Ignis pulls his phone from his pocket, thumb gliding over the smooth screen. At some point, once all of this is over, he’ll have to get someone to help him set up the voice recognition so he can use it again. Right now, it’s as useful to him as a brick.

“You know you’re writing gibberish there, don’t you?” Ignis can feel Gladio looming over him, peering down at his phone. “If Prompto ever gets that, he’ll think you’ve gone crazy.”

“I didn’t intend to write anything,” he says, pressing the button on the side to lock the screen. “Just… Passing the time.”

✿

“I don’t know how you do it,” Takka tells him as he serves Ignis a hearty bowl of chili. “But I’m glad that you do.”

Years ago, Ignis would have dismissed the idea of a blind hunter as a preposterous notion, yet there he is, precisely that. As odd as it may sound, being used to having no vision has actually proven a boon to his abilities. He had a head start.

“Oh hey, I had one of your buddies in here the other day. Prompto. Right where you’re sitting, as it happens. How about that? You fellas still keep in touch?”

“From time to time, yes.” Communication with Gladio was regular, but, much to his shame, Ignis hadn’t spoken to Prompto in a long while.

“He said he was staying around this area,” Takka added, before moving away to take care of other things, leaving Ignis to his food, and his thoughts. Eating slowly, Ignis tries to remember the last time he and Prompto crossed paths. For the first two - or was it three? - years since Noctis’ disappearance, the three men had stuck together, but gradually drifted apart. It’s probably close to three months since their last meeting and they’re long overdue for another.

Once his meal is done, Ignis steps outside with his phone clutched in his hand. Raising it, he speaks slowly and clearly.

“Text message to Prompto: Currently at Hammerhead. If you are in the vicinity and have the time, perhaps we could get together.” Pausing to let the voice to text catch up, Ignis spoke the command to send the message. It was time for a reunion.

[11eustonwehaveaproblem]

A Bug’s Life Vol. 3: The Adult Crane

About two weeks ago, I was staying in on a Friday night because I had a cold, and I nurture my body because I love myself. All of my roommates were home too, and we were all watching Netflix separately in our rooms because we’re not sociopaths who actually socialize when we’re all home at the same time. Friday is usually my “shower day,” so I went and took my time in the shower because I had nowhere else to be. I went back into my room to get dressed, moisturize, you know. Do all the post-shower stuff. And I discovered that I was no longer alone in my room: a very large, mosquito-like insect had made itself a home on my wall, right above my dresser.

“Shit,” I murmured, as I am wont to do when there is a bug in my general vicinity. Then, as I also often do, I began pleading with it not to murder me. “Just stay in your place,” I said, rubbing my face with moisturizer. “Please… don’t fly,” I begged, brushing the knots out of my hair. And then, once I could not handle being in the same place as this very large, very unobtrusive bug any longer, I left my room and closed the door.

“You guuuuuys?” I called, and all of my roommates came out of their rooms. “There’s a really big bug in my room and someone needs to kill it.”

“Oh no,” L said, and almost retreated back into her room at just the suggestion of a bug.

“Can I see it?” K asked, and I nodded grimly. She and G opened the door and looked around my room, and I could tell when their eyes landed on it because G screamed, and K was like, “Ohhhhhhh no.”

K closed the door with a loud slam. “How is it so big?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “What kind is it, do you think?”

“It looks like a big mosquito,” K said.

“A fucking nightmare mosquito, that’s what it is,” I said.

“I don’t think mosquitoes come that big,” said G, who is also from Florida, so she knows what’s up in regards to mosquitoes. She began to Google on her phone: big mosquito looking bug.

“Is M coming over?” L asked me, obviously wanting him to kill the bug.

“Not until later,” I said. “The one night he’s not here-”

“It’s called an adult crane,” G announced, and showed us all the Google images result of this nightmare bug, and we all shrieked in unison. “It says it’s non-harmful and can’t sting you, though!”

“That doesn’t mean I want to hang out with it!” I said. “Someone needs to kill it.”

“No way,” L said, before I could even get the sentence fully out of my mouth.

“G is tallest,” K said.

“What does that have to do with anything?” G asked, with a bit of a whine.

“You can, like, throw something at it,” K suggested.

“Like a shoe!” G said, then turned to me. “Do you have any shoes you don’t really wear? Like, what shoes do you care about least? I’m gonna throw it at the adult crane.”

As it turns out, I actually did have a pair of shoes I didn’t care about. I crept into my room so as not to disturb this harmless bug who had not moved from its perch on the wall above my dresser. I handed G a pair of shoes that my mom had mistakenly shipped me from home, and she armed herself with it. We closed the door behind her and suddenly heard a bang!, followed by an “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

G ran out of my room. “It flew,” she cried, hands on her face in terror.

“To where?!” I asked.

“I don’t even wanna know. It fell down when I threw the shoe at it and then it just flew,” she said. I took deep, cleansing breaths. I couldn’t live in my room when a bug was inhabiting it too, even if the bug was harmless. Harmless my ass, all bugs are pests and they deserve to die.

“What if we ask the boys upstairs?” I ask.

G and K went upstairs to the third floor to round up a few boys who could maybe kill this bug without screaming. L and I remained in the hallway of our apartment and discussed that I could move into G’s room should we never be able to kill this bug (G has the second-biggest room, after me).

Two boys walked into our apartment, along with G and K, who were getting them really hype about murdering this bug by telling them how big it was. They looked positively excited as they opened my door, obviously wanting to see this huge creature for themselves, and were honestly pretty let down until they got closer and saw the thing up-close, for what it was: a huge-ass fucking bug that needed to die. The adult crane had migrated to above my bed, which is literally where I sleep and I cannot sleep peacefully knowing that there is a bug the length of my open hand resting on the wall above me.

These two boys stood on my night table and gracefully squashed the bug with my shoe in one fell swoop.

“Thank you so much,” I said. “My bedroom is a safer place for your bravery.”

“No problem,” one of the boys said. “Hey, by the way, we’re having a party next weekend on Friday night. You guys should all swing by.”

It felt tonally inappropriate, seeing as they had just murdered someone, but we obviously agreed to go anyway. And obviously, I’ll be back here to tell you about it.

Well, gotta go check the bathroom for baby cockroaches again. Til next time!