#i just wish i was better at the play stuff my brother apparently loves doing the make believe stuff with his daughter

[autumnrory]

it’s so funny how much kids seem to like me when i struggle so much understanding the words they’re saying if they’re really little and i’m BETTER at interacting with them than i used to be after all these years with my nephew and nieces but still like. kinda awkward

i like them too, to be clear, kids are the fucking BEST even if i don’t want them for myself. but i’m always just kind of stunned when kids attach themselves to me seemingly so easily

[pinazee]

The Old and the Restless

The first episode to include another Spencer! Now, granted we don’t get much here other than henry doesn’t seem to get along with his dad and maybe doesn’t like the idea of his son being around him. Plus, I don’t think he’s ever mentioned again. I was hoping the introduction to grandpa spencer would give us some kind of reason for why henry is so controlling. We could possibly infer, strictly based on his personality, that grandpa spencer wasnt the most responsible and that henry, as elder brother, took on the brunt of taking care of the family. I mean, you could possibly even go as far as to say grandpa spencer had some run in’s with the law and thats how henry got interested in it- out of spite of his own father and thus leading to the idea that spencer sons resenting their fathers is like a family curse (i think thats actually a thing? I have a vague memory of someone saying it at least). But again, this is all speculation because we never see him again. Grandpas also act differently with their grandkids than their own kids too so who’s to say what it was like for henry growing up. Either way, this flashback really emphasizes how strict henry was, and the more flashbacks i see, the more saddened i get by how downtrodden little shawn is every time he shows up. Liam visibly shrinks when he sits next to him, its heartbreaking. But im glad his grandpa stuck up for him (which is probably why he never saw him again).

The way they pop up here makes me snicker

I love the fast one they played on henry! Shawn knew there was no way he would help unless he thought he could use it as an opportunity to show him up (because his dads a grade A asshole).

I also have no respect for men who call other men girls as an insult, especially when one of those men is his own fucking son. So you gotta imagine shawns heard that kind of bullshit his whole life, so i kind of give him a pass when he makes fun of gus for not being manly enough, though thankfully that seems to dissipate in later seasons so we can call it character growth (though i think it was just the writers, or maybe james, who decided it wasn’t very funny and just hurt the character). Henry has a lot of ground to cover before he can get redeemed in my book. He’s just the worst. im having a much harder time with henry during this rewatch.

Gus is being absolutely adorable here. This episode really made it seem like Gus was henrys kid too, not only because he’s completely comfortable sleeping on his shoulder (I’ve never felt that close to my friends parents at least) but also because he’s giving shit to henry as much as shawn is and i love it! It makes sense too considering how often gus was at his house, henry practically raised him as well.

This is a semi good shawn vs. henry episode. I wish they would have highlighted better how shawn and henry gather their information in different ways but it was more like Henry got some pieces and shawn got pieces but neither had the complete picture so they ended up just working together instead of against. I think i’d have preferred if henry was seeing all the same stuff but shawn actually came to the right conclusion, or that shawn showed kindness to the right person and got the key piece of info that way because ultimately its how he connects with people that separates him from henry (simply because henry is pretty good at seeing the same stuff shawn does a lot of the times is all).

“Just this time im going to teach you a lesson” just this time??? Thats literally all you do henry! Thats like your whole thing!

The way Henry says this makes it seem like he was struggling to call Gus his life partner haha

Shawn and gus both knew of african gambian pouch rats, so i can only assume they watched a nature documentary together haha Sidenote: i randomly looked up african gambian pouch rat to see what they looked like and they’re being used to sniff out tuberculosis apparently?!? Crazy stuff man.

Lassie just wanted to straight up incarcerate a child. Thank god karen became chief over him- could you imagine??? Shawn would definitely have been locked up in the pilot. Gus wouldve been killed next to mira or something, juliet would still be in miami. Buzz wouldve been fired or killed by that serial killer. So many crimes would’ve been unsolved and so many people would’ve been locked up and innocent. So again, thank god for chief vick.

The indian blood bit gets a pass simply because of the line “they were here first” and gus’ response “im not hating on indians im hating on you” I dont think its terribly offensive but it is a dumb stereotypical joke. It just kind of makes me sigh and shake my head.

Why is gus always trying to get shawn to taste blood?? Does that show up later? Is this a consistent thing? Its just kind of weird considering gus is really squeamish around it? I think its Gus’ way of trying to prank him but he’s like really bad at it haha Also i didn’t like gus’ face there. It made it seem vaguely… nevermind. Its just weird lol

I dont like the B story with juliet and lassie. I think i did at one point because juliet put the fear of god in him and inadvertently that same fear in the others which was fun, but this kids a fucking creep so i don’t think theres any combination of words that would cause this character to suddenly become respectful and it might be the most unrealistic thing to happen on psych, which is truly saying something. Its just one of those scenes you can’t overanalyze so I won’t! Its fun! (But like, thats what im doing here so jk). I did enjoy the “scared straight” subversion moment. Prisons great kids. Its like summer camp. Also his friends name is “white slavery” and idk what to do with that information except point at it with my mouth open in amusement.

I just like how lassie does his “strike two” and im doing that from now on.

Overall its not one of my fave episodes but heres some gifs of some of my fave moments

[bleuangel88]

On Dylan Shakes

We have one major mystery down!

While many of us probably suspected that Dylan Shakes was alive and that he had gotten away from his father's abuse, it was lovely to have that confirmation during Harlan Coben's Shelter Season 1 Episode 6.

It was also so touching to have that reunion between Dylan and Mrs. Friedman.

The reveal that Sunglasses Man was Dylan Shakes tied up one of many threads in this series.

Dylan definitely knew how much his absence affected Mrs. Friedman, who wanted to adopt him. I wish he had given her some closure much sooner. She deserved that rather than death threats.

With the number of mysteries that this series drops at us rapidly, it's nice to have a clear-cut answer for at least one of them and bits and pieces of things coming together for some others.

Shelter has been a blast to watch because the characters and cast are so much fun that you'll watch them do anything.

And we have, whether or not we could follow along with whatever they're doing or not.

I could watch a whole series of just Mickey Bolitar, Ema, and Spoon being regular teenagers who aren't trying to serve as a Gen Z Scooby-Doo.

On Whitney

Whitney hurt Ema beyond forgiveness, in my book. She knows how her brother is, and it doesn't matter if he blackmailed her. He'll always have that information on his sister and will do whatever he pleases with the second she stands up to him.

She'd do better owning up to what she did before he could release it so she could be free of him.It's such a shallow, self-absorbed issue on Whitney's part that she sold Ema, a girl she genuinely seems to like, out over some followers controversy on an app.

It's such childish dumb stuff, yet for teenagers, it's their entire world, so as frustrating as this development is, I can't even say it's unrealistic.Maybe Ema will be able to forgive Whitney, and maybe not. They were an endearing potential couple.

But it's hard to get past something like that, especially when Ema has learned that there are peers of hers who have more backbone and can do what's right.

She has Spoon and Mickey Bolitar as best friends, so it's hard not to have a certain level of expectation for future relationships, platonic, romantic, or otherwise.

Maybe she and Whitney will end up like Shira and Hannah.

On Hannah, Ken, Shira

But Hannah Taylor has gotten a new lease on life from the second Shira came back into town. It was like she needed Shira to free herself.

On the one hand, that's endearing as far as their love story goes and how much Hannah loves Shira, but on the other hand, that puts a lot on Shira.

There is no way this plays out where Shira doesn't feel like she's the reason a family is splitting up and Hannah is doing all these things.

Hannah can't do all the things she desires because of Shira. She should be willing to do these things for herself.

And Shira is placed in the middle of this marriage in many uncomfortable ways. Ken seeking Shira's advice at the memorial was awkward.

He thinks there is an avenue for him to get his wife back because he spent years not even knowing that she was unhappy.

He may mean everything he says, and he'll try to make improvements moving forward, but it's too late, and as terrible as Ken is as a husband, he also doesn't deserve to get blindsided without even a chance to know how to make things better.

It sucks that they got this far into their marriage without resolving their issues. This sets things up where if he learns the truth about Hannah and Shira, he'll think about Shira breaking up his marriage or Hannah deceiving him and not thinking about his role in their marriage dissolution.

Hell, chances are he'll probably wonder if Hannah ever actually loved him or even Shira back in high school. When you think about it, what stops Ken from feeling like he was a glorified beard for 25 years?

Did Hannah ever love Ken Taylor at all? Or did she love having this piece of Shira? And that goes for Ken, too.

But Shira's issues are apparent. Initially, it felt like Shira would be the one set up for hurt, and there's a chance that remains the case. But there's also a matter of Hannah getting hit worse.

She's ready to blow up her life that wasn't making her happy anymore and start anew with Shira, and the prospect of that seems to terrify Shira and has her ready to shut down.

It's a challenging situation, and Shira seems more afraid of its fallout than Hannah, which could influence her position and why she's pushing Hannah away right now.Ultimately, they deserve to be happy, preferably together, with the truth out in the open, consequences be damned.

[thegeminisage]

ASK MEME

i got tagged by @runawaymarbles, tyvm i lov doing these

What book are you currently reading?

no books atm but i'm actually getting through the entire tag of a rarepair from ff13...only 41 fics :(

What’s your favorite movie you saw in theatres this year?

did i go to a theater this year...? surely at least once. OH YEAH i went to see sonic 2. since that's the only movie i saw in theaters this year that'll be my favorite one

What do you usually wear?

comfy-at-home clothes: tank top, shorts, no-show socks, hair fork, & bandana. out & about clothes: bandana & hair fork if i'm working or my hair needs washing, otherwise i keep it loose. a lot of black pants/shorts and bright glittery monochrome or tye-dye tank tops w/ black or rainbow choker, rainbow earrings, pride bracelet, smiley face ring, rainbow ring, ace ring, and sometimes my triforce necklace. if it's cold i will also wear rainbow arm warmers/socks and fingerless gloves with the pink peace symbols on them. if i'm REALLY dressing up i will wear rainbow tights under a long shirt or short dress. wow sorry this is the longest answer so far i just really love bright fashion!!! i can't believe god nerfed me by making plus sized clothes fucking suck so bad

How tall are you?

5’1 :/

What’s your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

i think i'm actually a cancer LMFAO. and stuck with this username...idk about any celebrities but my birthday IS on the summer solstice which is absolutely bitchin' in my professional opinion. i could not possibly have asked for a better date although i do wish it didn't have to fall on father's day sometimes

Do you go by your name or a nick-name?

i go by liz which is not my legal first name. technically my legal middle name isn't liz either it's like elizabeth obviously but my first name is cringefail and nobody can spell it OR say it so i just don't tell most people what it is lol. i started going by liz when i was in 8th grade and sometimes my mom STILL messes it up...

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

no BUT as a kid i really really really really REALLY wanted pink hair. as an adult no one can stop me. kid me would be so jealous of adult me's look in EVERY way

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at?

good at: dreaming. you know how in the 40s-60s most people dreamed in black and white because that was how tv looked? apparently if you play enough video games you'll get so good at controlling a simulated environment you can simply wake up on command. i never completely mastered lucid dreaming but it's a neat trick anyway. bad at: sleeping. exhibit a: i am answering this meme at 2:30 in the fucking morning, and i have not had 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep since december 10. that's like 28 days!

Dogs or cats?

CATS!!!!!!! i like dogs too tho

What’s something you would like to create stuff for?

i would love to draw some zelda art. i just need a new tablet sadly none of the old ones work with my pc

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year?

UGH i can't post it, it's in the undisclosed project

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

so a very long time ago when we were teenagers my brother showed me minecraft. i played half an hour of it and then gave the controller back and told him i couldn't keep going because i would quite literally never put it down if i did. unfortunately i did NOT show that same level of foresight and self-restraint when downloading the demo of SLIME RANCHER. in my defense i was utterly unprepared for its sheer potency. i played exactly four minutes of the demo before i caved and bought it - $5 was a steal - without realizing how absolutely lethal it is to combine adhd with a farming sim especially during seasonal depression months. this thing has been churning out dopamine so fast my stupid little rat brain can't keep up. i'm frying every last pleasure receptor i ever had as thoroughly as i possibly can. i am begging one of you to physically come to my house and uninstall it from my pc.

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

andor 🙏 sorry to all andor enjoyers but it fucking sucked (except for the prison break)

What’s a hidden talent of yours?

i'm freakishly good at packing things. items into boxes, boxes into vehicles, organizing drawers and closets, etc. at my house we call it "tetrising" since i guess that's a pro gamer move that translates to the real world..................

Are you religious?

no i am disqualified for being gay <3

What’s something you wish to have at this moment?

a completed copy of this photo album i'm supposed to be making. i got behind bc i was playing slime rancher :(

ok im tagging @slaygentford @maulthots @brownbicon @machidielontheway @paty-ofarrell @ozymandiasdirge @moogleterra @marcelgerard @elsa12tmnt @smellslikebot @youngbenkenobi and anyone else who wants to do it, do it & say i tagged you!!

[halcyone-of-the-sea]

Thank you so much for getting me into Ghosts! I spent the entire weekend playing the campaign and I just finished it last night!! (Tears were shed multiple times) The campaign was so fun and as my first COD game, it was pretty easy too and I feel like I can take on the newer MW games now because I was really overwhelmed with the FPS aspect of it at first (I usually play third person perspective games). I made notes of my thoughts throughout the game and I decided to share them below since you got me into this whole thing (I apologize in advance.) But seriously, thank you so much!!!

Anyways, here are my random thoughts while playing Ghosts (they were in order and then they kinda just went as I remembered stuff as I kept playing):

-young Hesh is so pretty. Like holy shit. But also they’re babies in the first scene (Logan is 16 in the first scene and 25 at the start of the campaign)

-space mission made me cry.

-Hesh is such a good brother.

-Riley is amazing!!! So cute!! Him in the tank is everything to me! Also, yay that I get to play him.

-Hesh and Elias narrating (ahhh)

-I would like to formally apologize for all the times I accidentally kill the characters. I swear it is not my intention, I just suck at video games. I play for the story, not the ranks. But still, I’m sorry.

-Ajax is so funny (why’d they have to kill him so fast?)

-Keegan is so fucking hot and for what reason?! Like what’s the reason?? I love him!

-Logan petting Riley when they got into the car is the cutest fucking thing ever! And Riley wining and pawing at the door is so fucking cute!

-Merrick needs to chill a bit. Like I get it, but chill, my dude. (Still love him though)

-I know Rorke is bad and all but I kinda feel bad for the man. Like I get why Elias let him go and I agree with him but I still feel bad.

-KEEGAN!!!!

-HESH!!!!

-I love how protective Hesh is over his brother and dad.

-was I supposed to let the city flood or was that an accident?

-Also, how do you stab underwater? (Apparently it’s the same as shoot)

-I’m missing Riley so much right now. Please bring him back!!!

-the fireworks and Keegan are so pretty!!

-I was sobbing when Elias died! Like why? And his last words to Logan made me sob harder! That whole thing.

-back in Elias’ flashback mission, I accidentally got Rorke killed. I kinda wish it worked because then this all could have been avoided.

-I was so panicked when Keegan was gone. I thought we wouldn’t see him again.

-Hesh is so freaking protective and I love him so much! He cares so much about Riley and Logan and their dad!

-poor Riley. I was panicking so much when he got hurt. And his whining made me so worried and sad. I literally would not put him down (even though I was supposed to to help the others) (I did put him down a few times to shoot a couple of people but I was mainly just holding him and panicking)

-Logan getting the mask!!!!!

-why does Riley have to go with Merrick? Can’t he stay with us please?

-I admit, I spent way too much time on missions just staring at Keegan while he did things.

-the whole underwater mission was so fun (and stressful) but Keegan checking on Logan after the explosion was so cute!

-I got eaten by a shark. Wtf

-Keegan’s voice.

-so no more Keegan??? Awww :(

-I fucking shot him in the chest! How the fuck is he alive?!

-poor baby Logan! Please save him.

-poor Hesh. Baby deserves better.

-the final scene was so pretty and precious. Before Rorke.

-Rorke saying “there ain’t gonna be no more ghosts” made me think of Ghostbusters and now I can’t get it out of my head.

-who the fuck decided not to have another game for Ghosts. Like wtf. I need to know what happens to Logan. Like are they gonna save him in time or is he gonna turn on them.

-umm, I’m scared. What was the final scene after the credits all about??! Send help immediately!!! Somebody save him please!!!

AHHHH, Anna, this is literally beautiful and I love it. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!! You're totally welcome! FPS's also overwhelm me sometimes too tbh, definitely with newer games because the graphics/controls are so well done all the whipping around makes me nauseous lmao. The older CoD games I find a lot more forgiving in that aspect.

Anyways, it should be recorded how many hours I spent just staring into Keegan & Hesh's eyes during the campaign-who decided to make all of them so pretty? They need a raise immediately. Absolutely losing my mind over the narrations from Hesh as well, like my precious man, you can whisper in my ear like that any day.

No, but literally I hate that they never made a sequel for the absolute jaw-dropping cliffhanger that was dropped like a brick on our heads. Like? My baby Logan? My soft boy? (Hesh screaming his name makes me sob every time, I'm not even joking - and them reaching for each other AAIUEBRGAIWABG I CAN'T TAKE IT).

The end credit scene!!! Absolutely vile-I'm screaming, crying, vomiting, even thinking about it. Like even imagining Logan becoming like Rorke after going through the same type of torture as he did makes me wail.

In my head Hesh and Logan are taking Riley for morning jogs because they deserve happiness dammit!!! They're my boys!!!

[somethingshifted]

ramblin about cracker island and random 'rillaz stuff. it's long & disjointed

i'll start off by saying i think a lot of the songs are jams. this is my intelligent nuanced music take. it's fun, but it's safe, and safe isn't always good or appealing. that being said... i like safe, i like it as much as i like experimental and as much as i like genre pushing. it isn't my favorite album but it's got jams. my favorite from the main album is tarantula and my favorite bonus track is crocadillaz. like, thumbs up

listening to it completely divorced from what the album is meant to be (aka what damon has said) is possible which, maybe i'm missing the cult/worship/new age social media references in some of the songs but i won't write it completely off if i'm not understanding how it tackles the cult theme. not that this is a cracker island exclusive issue i think. but it doesn't do an overarching theme as cleanly as like, Demon Days and The Now Now. but it isn't completely divorced from the theme, like the tired influencer/new gold/cracker island carry the cult ideas to me. baby queen, is so cute, but feels out of place lyrically. but it brings groove to a groovy album... maybe time will tell and it will become more apparent. when i go to rewatch somr MVs frkm Humanz days there's comments like "i didn't realize how real this was until <insert event> happened" maybe that'll happen for this album lol

i think the most egregious thing is del being restricted to a bonus/deluxe release. like come on!!! all of the bonus/deluxe tracks are worthy enough to be in the main album. on top of that, crocadillaz is my favorite from the bonuses, i would be gutted if i spent so much money on their pricey physicals just to learn i can't even listen to crocadillaz on my fancy vinyl especially it being dave of de la soul's first posthumous release?. i'm going to make an aside here - crocadillaz lyrics encompass the idea of celeb cult to me. i think if they went down this path lyrically, even keeping the musical production i would have fallen in love with the album's purpose lol (but that's just fan-brain taking over). i agree when i read wishes for the collaborators to have more of a voice in the songs especially stevie nicks and bootie brown (speaking of bootie brown. his feature in new gold was the one that made me go oh man wish i could hear you better.)

maybe it helps that i wasn't and probably will never be involved in tracking every move the band makes as they release music and building up expectations. i like picking through it later or being told about what's been going on (this phase's info has been relayed to me over the year it took to release by my brother) i decided to make a blog about since i'm back on tumblr for other fandom stuff in 2022, (this is a sideblog!) i loved the band for a long time but my interest wanes and waxes and right now it's in a massive upswing hence this blog and long post. when demon days was releasing is when i was actually aware they're a band and not just some random thing i found off miniclip (re-ups of flash games), i just allowed people to tell me about it instead of getting into the music side, due to loss of internet and life circumstances. i lived outside of the USA for a bit and home life was a bit difficult but coming back to school and seeing demon days TSHIRTS blew my fucking mind lol they were always the 'car game band' to kid me. i was never into the whole 'get SMS from the band/play on the website/forum/go to concerts' stuff. except 19-2000 game. that was a kitchen computer staple. ok i got carried away here. but i'm just saying that i'm a casual fan so take my opinion through that lens. (i do want to see them live one day)

when hearing about the circumstances cracker island was created and released under, i can't feel like it's a black mark on their discography for being a safe pop-y album, if it's something spur of the moment after (another) failed go at the movie then i can get why it sounds unfinished and the art is repetitive. on another note, i don't know why they release music in that fashion (as in, spamming singles for so long. it made me wonder what's going on between label and owner but i'm ignorant of music practices) aside- i do not want a movie i really do not unless they really kept the mockumentary angle! it would be easier even if it was mockumentary bc there's no need to keep all the lore straight lol and it can be flexible. at this point it's been so long that i think, maybe it's time to hang up the hat on that front...

TL;DR: if it was meant to be a pop album it served its purpose well, if it was meant to be commentary on cults that's a bit weaker

here's my thoughts on the loooooore:

my disclaimer here is that i still feel like the gorillaz characters are... characters? mouthpieces? so i don't really care much for the newer interviews being centered around fictional hijinks and less about making music, which was more interesting to me as i'm musically dense... i kind of ignore it and feel like nothing is lost by doing that. i think their marketing is going overboard but times change and you need to beg for streams i guess. i don't see it as completely different as what they always kind of did, as i read that s/t gorillaz was marketed towards youngeee people rather than solely adults and you can see that in the tie-ins and the game and such (and the fact that theyre cartoons!). i just have a chip on my shoulder over tiktok. i sound old but i literally am not, only turning 26 this year... that isn't old. but murdoc is. and grandpa murdoc is kind of funny that's my red flag

i'm reading Rise of the Ogre right now and i'm assuming this is the quality some people wish the interviews would have? i can agree... but. i can't bite my hat over it not being the norm anymore. i think i'd be genuinely put off if the band were actual characters with overarching plots along their entire existence, the whole point is that they're 2D (lol) and you can do things in 2 dimensions that real people can't. they're musicians one day and making cyborgs the next and reanimating the dead and collabing with snoop dogg it's better to play fast and loose IMO. so far ROTO feels like an in-between of band characters and wacky hijinks characters which is nice i guess, but i do really really love the way its written so far. the music chart is gorgeous

the older phases had so many unsavory moments art-wise that i can't line it up to current stuff and wish it was the same as back then, which is probably why i accept "OOC" stuff. like i genuinely think noodle's depiction/description now is better than the early phases. even if the style/form speaks to me more with heavy lineart and grungy mood it was always uncomfortable with the racist depictions. a lot of the stuff surrounding russel seems to be literally interview or book only since i never heard of half of this shit, being a music video only and the occasional concert rip watcher.

so on cracker island story/lore... it does feel OOC. my brief snoop around what the internet feels aboit the album character-wise makes me think it's pointless to rehash why i think it's OOC, but it isn't to the point of ruin, not even close. the older phases 2D (ans the cast) still exists, he isn't a human being thank god and you can do whatever you want with him, it's not like real people who act different and will never be who they were years ago, all iterations of the gorillaz characters exist. they aren't linear characters either and they were never meant for a story with concrete/stable facts, so returning to a point or going to a different point isn't permanent, i kind of felt that was the point. i find it annoying, yes, but it's not damaging to the band as a whole to me so it's more of an annoyance than total destruction of gorillaz theme. on the disuse of characters like russel, that's more annoying to me tbh than 2D being a cutesy ditz

i wanted somewhere to dump all my thoughts after talking about it to friends and my brother, since, i've been 'into' gorillaz for so long, but never was seriously into the characters themselves, so reading all this stuff and falling into it is kind of fun. it's less aggravating to be in the middle of it years after years i bet. the reason this post might sound defensive is influenced by one convo i had where someone laid out all the band's marketing activity for this album which i found cringey, but not the end of the world. interesting because i think i just entered this 'fandom space' when people are gnashing over lore stuff. i think my cerebrospinal fluid is too lukewarm to get affronted aside from things like 'gee wish they kept russel's music appreciation, taxidermy interest, and eloquence'. if you couldn't tell i still like some of the themes of the older iterations!

you can argue that they lost the message of not being sanitized for the masses but... i feel like brand deals kind of impact that message wayyy more, and Do ya thang is one of my favorite tracks and that was to sell some damn shoes, Converse somehow literally still owns the rights to that (?!). plus, fan backlash over mentioning politics in Humanz means you can't really be surprised they're smoothing themselves down more in that department. at least, that's my perspective. my biggest wish is always that i want the creators of the music and owners of these characters to do what they want currently but, i guess i don't know how brands work and how flexible they can be

to wrap this stream of consciousness up, i will say i'm very easy to please music-wise, so there hasn't ever been gorillaz MUSIC where i felt was bad, yeah i'm one of those fans. i'm always ready to admit i'm biased from nostalgia as well as certain songs being released during crazy times of my life. it is difficult even rank my favorite albums because i feel like it's a disservice to put one below the other lol... i like The Fall. i like Humanz for an entirely different reason. my favorite song from gorillaz of all time is White Flag i could shout it from the top of a roof, but then i still like The Now Now as a whole album better than Plastic Beach. i genuinely tuned out to the entire band after Humanz because the backlash hallelujah money got made me so sad... oh what else... i cry so easily to gorillaz tracks. i can't get through TNN without tearing up. i want to make merch for myself since the store is difficult to purchase from and i want some stickers. ok that's all '_' !!! if you read this long/scrolled somehow then here

(and if you want to reply, i highly encourage it and im open minded to disagreements, i'm posting it in the main tag to get some feelers on opinions or discuss stuff. i'd be replying with my main blog)

[iexistfor1post]

The more I take the online tests and read the symptoms of ADHD in woman the more I see myself in those symptoms

(This was getting long, so I added a read"more)

Well most symptoms as I am not one to try really hard if I don't care for the thing

It would make sense for me to have ADHD as one of my older brothers has it

Since I mentioned the online tests

I keep getting moderate to high because surprise i am indecisive with answers so my answers slightly change on what I am feeling atm

I hate the idea of taking meds as I already take anxiety meds (which i think are helping )

At the same time I have no social life

The few symptoms I think don't fit are research rabbit holes because while I look things up and occasionally go deeper I normally just skim a website or 2 for the answer I was looking up

I don't believe how a perfectionist in any way

While I do think I am slightly bad at time (when I am not in a panic) I am someone who has to check my calendar and I always arrive early to stuff

I'm not even joking... kinda cause for years and especially in high school I was like haha I definitely have adhd with how distracted I am

Looking at a actual symptoms list and being told woman mostly have the inattentive kind just... hits

Like folks can tell you when I get excited about what I want to talk about it lose some volume control

The symptom of interrupting made me laugh because I always have to try so hard not to interrupt

I want to speak about something I am obsessed with atm

When people talk about hyperfocus or whatever I never know if it fits because from what I can see when they stop hyper focusing on one thing they move to another

When I get really attached to something and it kinda takes over my life I still interact with other things I love

(Depending on the thing as minecraft anything I really am bad at staying interested when my brain is done focusing on it)

Like currently i am obsessed with warrior cats and all I have been doing for almost a year is drawing cats

Mostly just cats

The year before that was qsmp which that died kinda quickly around the purgatory thing

Back to symptoms

I really do make some small and dumb mistakes just because my brain just didn't wanna work

Like earlier today I was changing the tortise's heat bulb and I forgot how to put the cord behind the tank and instead plugged it in and then was trying to squeeze the lamp behind the tank when there was no space 😅

I really do lose things easily if I just set the item down and didn't put it in a designated spot

I am really bad at directions and while I swear I know my left from my right when I was learning to drive a few years ago my brain apparently forgot 🙃

(I turned left when dad said right for example)

(Also my dad told me directions and I immediately turned the wrong way)

I talk a lot and my coworkers could tell you that... and my family

Which is funny because I am bad at dealing with crowds and loud noises... more specifically at my home though occasionally outside my house it frustrates me

With me getting into online shopping was a bad thing because I am normally good at not impulse buying... too much

Now, however, I am buying too much 😰

My brain can't deal with quiet or peace because I always begin singing

I wish it wasn't Christmas songs atm but better than Yankee Doodle and Oh My Darling Clementine

I know I am fidgety but most of the time it is non intrusive as it is just me playing with my hair ties or hair, even lightly tapping my feet and hands

Also working in retail i also sway my body when I am not leaning on something

...

Though I then begin to kinda swing on the half wall

Yeah unless I have my phone or I am drawing or helping a customer I wiggle a lot

I am a messy person in everywhere but the living room, kitchen, and bathroom

Also dude in school I was (and still am) really bad with procrastination

If something was due at 11:59 I was working from 7pm until then to get it down

Cause like I would start most things, then procrastinate then get it down

Occasionally, with things, I was even looking forward to do

Part of the problem is i have trouble doing multiple things at once

Like with aquabeads I was doing them for like 2 weeks then interest died again

I adore drawing cats however one project i have been doing with someone just has me stuck

They say it sounds like burn out cause I wanna do the thing but can't

which is making me more frustrated because I have been doing other things to chill

Like drawing my own characters, playing a game i haven't in like a year, etc

Then I say "Oh I will draw the cats [in the project] tonight"

Then I just don't ://

They are understanding, but I am not being nice to myself

I have no idea if this is a symptom but man I rarely ever studied in school

Also any "studying" was me cramming stuff into my brain

Yet somehow besides most math and maybe ap __ history I got mostly B's and A's

Somehow in stats i got a B overall and on the midterm despite getting a couple D's on homework

Also Geometry is dumb because I still don't understand it and it was the only class I was ever failing

My algebra 2 teacher imo sucked because this man saw his class not doing the hw and he instead decided to just stop grading hw. If you had it done you could use it on the test

I did the extra credit for that class just to make sure I would keep my c+/b-

Also cause it wasn't math it was just write about something you learned

My brain just buffers when letters are in the mix

Like I can count by 12 in my head fine and I think fractions could be fun

This may be my anxiety but I need lists of things I need to do and occasionally I need step by step directions for my comfort

Man i remember back in 5th grade when someone called me quiet cause dude when I am excited I am loud

Most days I am quiet but that is because I am bad at interacting with people.

I am both loud and quiet

A consistent thing for me haha

But yeah I am a mostly quiet and shy person as I am not comfortable a lot in public

Not like i wouldn't wear pj's out but that is different

When my brain thinks I need social I will chat a lot

Like all the way back in 8th? grade i was alone in a class with no one i knew and like day 3 I started talking and befriending the girl next to me because I just can't stand my brain apparently

I am getting so sleepy 😴

I can make acquaintances but I have trouble saying friends ://

You know i swear i was fine before I moved in 4th grade

I used to go to friends and now I don't 😕

Oh before I forget I do the shaking hands thing when anything make me wound

Which one day a customer asked if I was hurt

I wasn't as I was just frustrated with a coworker so I was trying to I guess shake of the nerves??

Also I don't really know how me having anxiety med affect anything as the websites I read say that yeah lots of women with adhd could also have such and such

I just don't know how it effects me as my memory is bad with a few thinsg

Ok i need to sleep as I am falling asleep typing this

[j-graysonlibrary]

Silverfalls Court Chapter 4

Title: Silverfalls Court

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 50K

Genres: drama, suspense, who-done-it, LGBT+

Available on: Kobo and my website

Synopsis: A young girl, lost in the bliss of her first relationship, will do anything in the pursuit of what she believes is true love—even sneaking out of her house in the dead of night. Unfortunately, she is met by someone she didn’t quite expect. Her fight or flight instincts kick in but she in no match for the killer in the woods.

And her death won’t be the only one.

The once peaceful and quaint neighborhood of Silverfalls Court is thrown into chaos and upheaval when bodies keep showing up in the woods. When it becomes apparent that the murderer must be one of them, suspicions grow thick and trust is shattered.

Some, like Lisa-Marie Castel, want to play detective and solve the case on their own while others, like Dominique Pulmer, want to keep their heads down and wait for things to return to normal. Some might even wish to capitalize on the bizarre nature of the story while those who have been personally affected are left to pick up the broken pieces of their lives amidst the chaos.

Full chapter 4 under the cut:

4. Not Here

The second hand ticked loudly—echoing through the room as an oppressive atmosphere settled in. Suri and Jumin both looked down at their feet instead of at their parents. Though they could still feel the heated glares—especially from their father.

Kihyun and Munhee Jung had stayed up until after midnight in wait for their kids to come back home. They’d called but neither had answered. After some more waiting, they retired to bed with a shared, red hot anger that had cooled over night but was by no means gone.

Munhee might have expected Jumin to pull a stunt like this. Since he’d started hanging around Serena and Victoria—Victoria especially—he had been a little more rebellious. But Suri was much better behaved than her older brother and never went against her parents’ wishes.

To Munhee’s left, her husband, Kihyun, stood with his arms crossed. He was disappointed in both of his children and couldn’t wait to hear what they had to say. Nothing that came out of them would serve as a proper excuse, of course, but he kept silent and waited anyway.

But neither spoke. Jumin was far more defensive in his posture than his little sister who looked as if she might cry at any minute. Unlike Jumin, Suri had only been scolded by their parents twice in her memory—once when she nearly failed a test and another when she only got second chair violin in orchestra. She wasn’t used to their judgmental, disappointed stares.

Jumin’s inner monologue was quite different, however. He found the whole production to be an overreaction. They stayed out later than they promised, sure, but they hadn’t left the neighborhood. They simply hung out in the woods and talked for hours, losing track of time in the process.

He knew that explanation would fall flat though. Anything he or Suri said would be rebutted and they would be in trouble no matter what.

Once he was sick of waiting, Kihyun spoke back up. “So? What’s the reason?”

After another moment of silence, Munhee clicked her tongue in irritation at her children. “Your father asked you a question.”

Jumin knew Suri would never answer so he lifted his head with a sigh. “We were just hanging out with our friends and talking. We didn’t mean to be out so late.”

“You don’t have watches?” His father looked between them. “You don’t have phones that tell you the time? Did we buy you those cell phones for no reason?”

He resisted the urge to groan and roll his eyes. “We weren’t looking at them. We were having fun. Talking.”

Munhee jumped back in. “What do you have to talk about for three hours? Huh?”

Despite his best efforts, a small sound of frustration came out of Jumin’s throat. “School stuff—teenager stuff—I don’t know! I didn’t keep a log!”

“Don’t give your mother that tone of voice,” Kihyun scolded immediately, “And don’t make that face either. We are your parents and you will not disrespect us—especially not to our faces.”

“I’m sorry,” Suri finally spoke with a quiet voice. She still didn’t look up. “We didn’t mean to stay out. Really…I…it’ll never happen again.”

“We already know that,” Munhee stated clearly. She shook her head and checked with her husband for a second before saying, “You are both grounded. No hanging around these neighborhood kids for two weeks. No games. No TV. Only school, home, and studying.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be around these neighborhood kids at all,” Kihyun added with a contemplative frown, “They have made you an unruly child, Jumin.”

Jumin fought with himself again—he didn’t want to make the face he knew he was making but he wasn’t sure he could help it. He could stand his parents berating him for however long they wanted but he didn’t want to hear them talk badly about his friends.

“It’s not them,” he muttered.

“Well, maybe not the Rosello girl,” his father retracted and tapped his chin, “She seems polite at least. It’s the Burns’ girl that really gives me pause.”

Jumin knew it was coming. Any time someone talked about “troublesome kids” they always brought up Victoria. It wasn’t fair. She wasn’t the deranged sociopath that everyone seemed to think and he knew if people just gave her a chance they would see what he and Serena saw.

Her altercations at school were all started by other students—she was just protecting herself. She cut her hair close to the scalp because she was tired of boys and men both trying to hit on her. She talked rudely to people so they would leave her alone. But, deep down, she was just a nice girl who cared about her friends and wanted to be happy just like everyone else.

“Victoria is—” he couldn’t even get the words out before a sudden ringing echoed through the house.

All four of them looked back toward the entry way and then Kihyun and Munhee exchanged a glance. Kihyun cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “You two stay right here, I’ll go see who that is.”

Suri looked up but only to look at her brother. She knew he liked Serena and Victoria and she also knew the two older girls were truly nice but she just wished Jumin would bite his tongue when it came to them. Him blowing up and arguing only proved the points their parents were making, after all.

Since she turned thirteen last year, she’d been allowed to hang out with her brother and his friends more often. The two girls often commented on how mature she was for her age and joked about having her help them with their homework because of her grades. She did look over their Algebra three homework once but it was over her head.

Still, they were more fun to be around than her actual peers like Peter and Madison—Serena and Victoria’s younger siblings respectively. Suri actually had many of the same classes as Peter so she tended to avoid him at home. Last night had been an exception since Serena had brought him along to their hangout.

He hadn’t been too obnoxious, she thought in retrospect, though it was obvious whenever he tried to casually flirt with Victoria. Sometimes he flirted with Suri too but Jumin always smacked him down whenever he tried. Still, he didn’t do it much last night since the topic of conversation revolved heavily around Leigh Duval.

What happened to her, how, and why. Victoria was pretty quiet while Serena and Jumin tossed around suspicions. Suri, personally, had no idea who could have been behind the murder and she only spoke up to raise the point that it was possible that no one knew the killer.

But that was too boring, apparently.

Serena and Jumin continued to comb through all of their neighbors, trying to find someone who might magically fit the criteria. That was what took so long.

Kihyun walked back into the room, getting everyone’s attention, and he wasn’t alone. Polly Rosello followed behind him with eyes that looked red and swollen from crying.

“You all left the woods at the same time last night, didn’t you?” Kihyun opened with, staring at his children with a different type of stern expression than he’d had just a moment ago.

Jumin and Suri glanced at one another before both looking to their father. “Yeah…” Jumin answered, “No one stayed behind…”

“That’s what Serena said too,” Miss Rosello commented and raked her fingers through her hair. “She said she came back home with Peter but he…he’s not home…”

“He’s missing?” Munhee asked and her brow rose.

“He must have gone back out after we all got home,” Jumin responded.

“Are you sure?” his father gave him a sideways look, “You promise you’re not leaving anything out?”

Suri gulped before saying, “He’s telling the truth. We all walked back together and only separated to go into our houses.”

Polly rubbed her eyes and fresh tears started to spill. Her shoulders shook but she still managed to speak. “I looked everywhere at home…”

Munhee placed her hand on the woman’s arm and her expression softened. “Have you gone to the Burns’ yet?”

She shook her head and mumbled. “I’m scared.”

“We’ll go with you,” Kihyun quickly responded. “All of us.”

They left as a group and even Rika, the Jungs’ Pomeranian, followed after them. She wouldn’t be much help but she seemed to at least be able to tell that Polly needed cheering up and kept close by her heels with an eager look on her face. She went ignored, naturally, but she didn’t lose any motivation.

At the Burns’ front door, the rest of the Rosellos were already present. Serena had Miguel and Claire behind her as she knocked on the door. The Jungs and Polly met up with them, creating quite the large group for Hailey to open the door to.

“Oh my…um, is something the matter?” The woman glanced between them as worry slowly started to take over.

“I’d like to speak to Victoria, please,” Serena said with clear urgency in her voice.

“Hon, who’s at the door?” Jason’s voice came from close by before he joined his wife in the threshold. He looked like he’d recently rolled out of bed but any traces of tiredness left him as soon as he saw the Rosellos and Jungs staring back at him. “Oh…what’s going on…?”

“Can you go get our daughters, please?” Hailey asked him with a sweet smile. He nodded and left in a hurry. When he was out of sight, she turned back to the group and spoke more quietly, “Before they all get here, can I ask what this is about? It seems…serious…”

Mr. and Mrs. Jung looked to Polly who was still struggling so Kihyun took to answering, “Peter is missing. We just want to see if Victoria knows anything.”

“Oh…” Hailey covered her mouth.

Before she could say anything else, Jason returned with Victoria and Madison. There wasn’t much Madison could actually offer since she wasn’t in the group from the previous night but perhaps she’d seen something.

“Victoria,” Hailey started and looked to her oldest daughter, “You were out with Peter last night, weren’t you?”

“Yeah?” The girl’s brow furrowed. “We all were.” She pointed to Serena, Suri, and Jumin.

“I know,” her mother shook her head and responded, “We just want to know if you saw anything strange?”

Serena cut in almost instantly, “Did Peter contact you or did you see him after we all went home? …He’s…we can’t find him.”

Victoria looked around at everyone again and frowned. “…No? I went to bed.”

“Maybe he left something in the woods?” Mr. Burns suggested after a moment of silence had passed them by.

Polly raised her head up for the first time since arriving. “…I can’t find his inhaler either. He could just be out looking for it…”

“It’s still been hours,” Serena said, successfully squashing the brief glimmer of hope.

“In that case, we’ll all go and look,” Hailey offered. She glanced back into her house and whistled. “Captain, Harry, come on.”

The two large dogs ran outside, excited by the amount of people and Mika who was always a little nervous around them. As the dogs greeted each other, the Burns all filed out of their house.

“Alright, we should start with retracing you kids’ steps,” Jason said and looked, primarily at his oldest daughter.

“Should we split up to cover more area?” Serena suggested as she took in just how large their search group was.

“If we don’t find anything where you kids were then we can split up,” Kihyun said and received a nod from each of the parents. None of them were quite willing to split up while something so unorthodox was happening—even if it would be more efficient. Staying together was safest.

If any other neighbors looked out their windows they would surely be confused by the group as they walked down the street and into the woods and, no doubt, many questions would be asked later.

There was no talking on the trip—the only noise came from the two German Shepherds and the crunching of leaves under everyone’s feet. The older kids moved to the front of the pack as they took everyone to where they had been just hours ago.

Their pace slowed as they entered the clearing. Serena and Victoria looked at each other before separating and checking around the trees.

“Peter?!” Serena called out which started a chain of everyone in the group yelling his name. A lot of them overlapped but, occasionally, they’d take a couple seconds to wait and listen for a possible response.

Everyone stayed within visible distance of each other as they searched though the two German Shepherds ran off on their own. The Burns’ didn’t seem worried about that so no one commented and just continued to look. Munhee picked up Mika and held her in one arm as she stayed close by Suri and checked behind a couple of trees.

“Peter?” Suri shouted and then frowned. It had been several minutes and there hadn’t been anything.

“I guess we will have to split up,” Kihyun mentioned with a sigh.

A few nervous glances were exchanged from person to person while none spoke. No one wanted to be the first to start splitting them into groups, it seemed.

A loud bark broke the silence and it was quickly followed up by even more barking. Hailey looked to her husband. “Where are they?” she asked with a confused inflection.

Jason waited a second before pointing. “That way.” He waved his hand and said, “Come on, let’s go.”

The group rushed toward the dogs and, once they were spotted, Jason ran to the front. He put his hand out to stop them and approached alone to check out what his dogs were making a fuss about. Everyone else watched with baited breath and Polly started to cry again as the stress caught back up to her.

“Oh no…” Jason said in a soft voice but his words were carried to the others.

He didn’t have to say any more. Polly ran past the rest and Serena was quick to join her. “Mama!”

The two reached Jason and immediately stopped. Polly’s eyes widened before she screamed and threw herself toward the ground. Serena tried to reach out for her but she stopped midway and covered her face instead.

Everyone slowly walked closer and, between the sobbing coming from Polly and the solemn expression on Jason’s face, it was clear what or rather, who, was on the ground. Munhee turned to her husband and rested her forehead against his shoulder, holding her dog tightly in her arms. Miguel and Claire started to walk closer to their mother and sister but Jason stopped them, shaking his head wordlessly.

Victoria looked at Jumin who stared forward at Serena. She frowned and felt her stomach sink.

There was no way that it wasn’t Peter on the ground, judging by everyone’s reaction. But that fact, alone, changed everything. Victoria wasn’t sure what exactly it meant for her or her friends but she knew it wasn’t good.

[dzpenumbra]

6/7/23

I made a slight mistake. I put on a stream tonight, a streamer that normally only streams about 4 hours at time. I was expecting to change pace and transition into the next phase of the evening when he ended stream. He still hasn't ended stream yet. More power to him, he found a game he was really enjoying. But... now it's quarter to 4 and I have that rescheduled doctor's appointment tomorrow.

Today was my dog's first death anniversary. I spent the entire day playing Oxygen Not Included. I didn't do anything. I did yoga, which was really nice. I made one of my favorite big-batch crock pot meals: chicken spinach artichoke pasta. And I played video games.

Oh, and I finally potted my Pothos cuttings. Apparently they didn't need to be in the propagation tubes this long. I guess they only really need like 1 inch long roots, I was under the impression they needed 4-6 inch roots. You read different shit everywhere you go, hard to tell what to believe. But I figured... what a better day to start my new plants than today. To commemorate a passing with a new beginning.

So yeah, I spent the entire day playing video games, which I haven't done in a very long time. It's been rainy all day. And that's about it.

It's late, but I wanted to... at least spend a little time thinking about my girl. Reminiscing on fond times.

I ended up with her because my mom thought it would be helpful for me to have a service dog. She really likes German Shepherds, I have no idea where that originated or how long it's been going on. I remember seeing pictures of me and my older brother as toddlers hanging out with our old dog, Ringo, so... it's been pretty much my entire life. We've always had a Shepherd around. At the time, I was... I think I had just gotten back from living in the Boston area? I don't know the timeline. But yeah, I had sunk back into another phase of agoraphobia, and really dreaded going to the grocery store and shit. But... I was hiking a lot. Like... the most I've ever hiked in my life. So... it's not like I wasn't getting out of the house, I just wasn't going into civilization, and the grocery store in particular would make me insanely anxious.

My mom pressured with the dog idea, and I went along with it. I had my cat, Maxine, so... I wasn't sure how that was going to work... but... I clearly figured it out. One of my mom's friends trains Shepherds and knows people who breed them. I ended up driving alone down over 10 hours to meet up with this woman, who I barely knew, and pick up my dog for the first time. I stayed at her house and we did training for... I think 2 days. She had been working with Cerry for a bit, getting her used to the environment and getting her out in public to practice "working". We clicked pretty fast, it was just... very odd... very different than being a cat owner. The first night, we spent the night closed in the room together and... it was a bit spooky. She was big, and sable, and I didn't know her, and she didn't know me. But again, we clicked pretty quick. I was just... very awkward, very reserved and really really didn't know what to do. I just felt really out of my element.

After we did a bunch of training together and all that, it was time for me to go, so... I just packed all the stuff and put her in the back of the car and it was just me and her in a car together the entire ride home. It was so long ago, I don't even remember the drive. I just remember getting to a toll booth and her barking at the woman working it, and not having a clue what to do because it was literally my first time hearing her bark.

She was 2 when I got her. And we clicked so damn fast. Because she was always such a warm and loving soul.

And... I was not always the best owner/partner. I didn't take her out as much as I wish I had. I didn't play with her as much as I wish I had. I used punishment/correction techniques on her that I was taught by my family were, in their beliefs, not just "normal" but "necessary"... and I still... I still feel guilt for that. I struggle with it very regularly, the guilt. Even this morning. And... I try to tell myself, "it's not your fault. You were taught the wrong things. And you can't fix that, you can't change the past. The only thing you can do is do the right thing now." And I did. I did immediately, the second I learned it was not normal.

Thanks to that, the last couple years of her life were absolutely amazing. We were the best of friends. We went literally everywhere together. Not that we were ever really that far apart before the last few years but... like... I disassembled her crate permanently and turned it into an outdoor table so we could hang out on the porch together in the summer. I started dressing her up in cute bandanas and got her nice pink collars, and let her go off-leash more often, and brushed her every chance I got. I recycled the futon that my ex used to sleep on when we would have fights - that I tried to get set up as like... a fun creative hangout space, and it just turned into what she claimed as hers when she would freak out over little shit - I reclaimed it and gave it to Cerry as her own bed. And she slept on it every damn night, I would even nap on it with her towards the end. And I even gave her a mattress of her own in the bedroom too, and put a memory foam bed in the car when she got older, for longer drives when she wanted to nap. I got her every new toy I could find that wasn't obviously a choking hazard, she had an entire bin full. For a long while, I was preparing her own real-food meals for her. She even had ice cream with me as a special treat at the end of the night, mint chocolate chip was her favorite.

I miss her a lot. I would always call her my "co-pilot". And it's honestly been a really weird year without her. The first thing I noticed was how fucking quiet the house got when she passed. When it was just me and Max. How much less energy and movement there was in my life.

8 months later... Max passed, too.

4 months later... here I am.

I'm pretty sure Cerry was born in mid-October of 2010. She died from cancer of the heart, she was almost 12.

Max was born... I want to say... sometime in April 2008? That far in the past, the exact year gets blurry. She died from complications of thyroid disease, she was 14ish?

That's a difficult note to end on. Let's do a story instead.

I would go hiking off-trail with Cerry a lot. I don't know exactly which year that was, probably... the first or second year I had her. She could go forever, she had so much damn endurance. We would hike up this big trail, my favorite, and go to these old cart-paths that were decommissioned. Then go explore the sides of the mountain off-trail from there, bushwhacking, picking landmarks and sorta working our way toward them. Sometimes trying to find deer paths and see where they lead. There was a big boulder at the crest of a hill on this decommissioned cart-path thing, I always used to call it "Sentinel Rock" because it overlooked a really steep hill, and it had a cool view from it, especially in the Spring and Fall when there weren't a lot of leaves on the trees to obscure the view. After a big day, we stopped at Sentinel Rock to rest. I climbed up to the top (it was only like 4 feet tall at the top where the trail met it, the bottom extended down like 8 feet) and had Cer lay behind me. It was late Fall, and as we sat there... I likely was taking a water and cigarette break... it started to snow. I remember the snowflakes falling very vividly. And this whole time, Cerry is off-leash, just chillin and resting. And after like... I don't know, 15 minutes? I hear a rustle of leaves behind me, and I turn and there are... I shit you not... like... 10? Maybe 10-13 wild turkeys like... not even 10 yards away from us. And Cerry is just laying there staring directly at them. Didn't even budge. I doubt she knew what to make of them, I guarantee it was the first time she'd ever seen one, let alone a whole flock. I... pretty quickly got a leash back on her... XD But it was absolutely fine, they went along their way, we went along ours.

Another fond memory was trying to teach her how to swim when she was an adult, in summer 2019. She used to love playing in water, but she had never been proper swimming before. And I lived on a pond. So... that year we got some major flooding in the Spring and it washed a ton of gravel down the stream on my property and into the pond. So we made a nice little stone beach out of it, and hung out there a lot. It was where my interest in minerology was sparked, just going out and poking through the stones to see what I could find. And she would come with me, and hunt for moles in the tall grass, and splash in the water, and lay down in it when she was hot. One day I finally put my inner helicopter parent aside and I tried to teach her how to swim. She would always go like chest height and then just like... bat the water with her paws and bite at the water that popped up, it was really silly but she loved it. But that day I got her to be a bit braver and actually try to swim a little, and she did okay! She got all four paws off the ground and paddled a little, then she turned around very quickly and didn't know what to make of it for a bit, but I did get her to try it a few more times. I'm really glad she got to have moments like that, she really deserved them. She was such a warm, friendly, loving soul. All the time, to everyone. I am so lucky to have had her in my life.

Okay, now that I'm full-on crying... I have to like... go get ready for bed for this fucking physical in the morning...

I was going to skip tarot tonight because of time restraints... how about... a one card draw, as a compromise. As something to keep an eye out for as this new day-cycle is starting.

Two of Wands Planning, scrutiny, taking risks and moving a plan forward.  The active force needed to put a plan into motion.

Welp, that was easy enough. I'll try to remember that so I can keep an eye out for it. Bed time for now.

[m0ther-of-p3arl]

alright man.... alright... you asked for it!!! here is literally everything in my entire brain right now (hope i'm not oversharing or anything lol, just following the prompt :3c)

I am ranking fanfiction! it's very fun. i'm using a whole rainbow of colors, because it reminds me of a tierlist and tierlists are fun as fuck. there's something nice about systematically putting things into little boxes, you know? it soothes my mind. the monotony of it, but also, i get to go back and reminisce about everything i've written.

i'm going to a lovejoy concert the day after tomorrow, which i'm super hyped about. It's going to be my very first live music experience, so i'm really really excited about that. i'm especially excited to see ash kabosu because i think he's cool as fuck

my chosen brother who lives in australia thinks i might have adhd and/or autism (he has both), and he has for over half a year now. i don't know how to feel about it because i don't want to be insensitive or self-diagnose or anything. he thinks i should tell my parents or therapist about it, but i just don't know how to bring it up because anxiety fucks me over all the time

my room is a fucking mess and i like it that way, because it feels homely. my mom wants me to clean it, though. she likes things neat but i don't want to clean it because it's MY room and i like it when there are clothes all over the floor and charging cables littering the grounds. it makes for a better writing environment.

i really like to write, did you know that?? writing and playing guitar are the two most important thigns ever actually. i started playing guitar a few months ago and fell in love.

i should put more stuff up on my walls, my room feels empty. lots of places feel empty, though. you know school classrooms? and all the shit they put on the walls? all the motivational posters and word-definition posters and stuff? it just feels so fake. it gives me the ick. so does sitting at tables/desks, i pretty much exclusively sit on the floor and idk if that's normal but like. i just prefer to sit on the linoleum fucking floor without any cushioning or anyting, if there's carpet then i won't sit on the floor.

there's a mirror hanging from my door that's stained with blood because one time i had a bloody nose and accidentally wiped some on there. it's all gross and brown now. i can't be bothered to clean it up, call me disgusting, but i just do not have the energy man. there's a harry potter book sitting on my floor. i should burn it

i got to stay home from school today and watch owengejuicetv live!! two streams in a row, which absolutely never happens. it was super fun to actually be a part of chat. i still like watching vods, though. i know a lot of people dislike them, but they're really not that much different. the only thing i absolutely cannot vodwatch is mcc. idk why lol

my dad is such a lovely lovely man

whenever i type "lovely" i automatically almost type "lovejoy" it's because im a nerd for this band and my fingers have muscle memory apparently. when i handwrite, i write with my whole fist. i death grip that motherfucker of a writing utensil.

sweaters are nice and underrated, but i still like hoodies more because the hood is the best thing. sometimes my friends call me emo. then i punch htem in the arm and we laugh at each other.

my walls are this gross banana-yellow color and i wish they weren't

ALRIGHT THAT"S IT THATS ALL YOU GET. hope you enjoy this screenshot of my brain (literally this is my brain all the time ever i jump from one subject to the next CONSTANTLY omg.) i hope this was some help?? hopefully?? idk i just kinda rambled but

o7 to the void it goes

(good luck finding lyrics!!!! we're rooting for ya :D

I SUMMON THY MOOTS

please....just shit out ALL of your thoughts to me. i wanna make a pogger guitar song but im shit out of luck with lyrics. This literally requires everyone i know to help me.

MSR fucked my brain. trust me, ANYTHING YOU WANT GOES, i get ideas from the craziest of places. tell me what you ate for dinner, a heartbreak or relationship, your theories about aliens. like i said, anything goes.

even people i dont tag feel free to join...

@19-cats-in-a-trenchcoat @wiblursaystuff @zubinflower69 @thinkingaboutctommy @gay-mooshrooms @paldeanbooper @thetiredyuk @temporaltourguide @duckwithacapitald @strangleetomz @felixisfruity @paradox-hq @fraudfrogz

@wormsinsdirt @tntduowo @ender-outlaw @demon-and-genshin-men-slvt @ace-the-internet-ruined-me @yes-i-think-ranboo-is-beautiful @vibestillaxxx

@asinglepackofwelches @dead--hate-deactivated20231004 @salineroses @redak-tedalt @awokenbydreams @localinsaneman @theverywest @coffeeflavored-tears @rottinnymph @1tzzbr1ght @call-me-frosting-or-not-idc @joethebeau @goosebeing @mayhem-moth @agentldiddy @unkn0wn-nys @a-random-mooshroom @sadgayenbyfrog @dicklessswonder

@unfairtradeyward @whaaaaaaaalllle6 @portalkittysilly @m0ther-of-p3arl @sunshinetrinket @dzikiemaliny @thefairfeline @ranboosoot @aparanoidcryptid @jinx---blackout---84 @shortgaything @sleepy-cat-maniac @particle70 @when-you-cant-think-of-anything @gguapoduo @ezra-767 @officialsoupstore @nictophobia @dumbartist101 @alex-your-local-genshin-player @emi-writings @genlossicle

@catboy-quackity @theborblord @skretri @klownxd @ink-n-stuff @wtfables @bastianfruit @elmarcyarka @g1gglee-rxccoon @cromatheskeleton @kotaishere @nyx-can-draw @wilbyscoot @sootings-fag

@butter-goat @im-an-otter-with-a-dark-side @idk-why-i-have-this @mcytiddies @cheeeseborgor @toulouseradiosilence @skellyrrosedesigns @glowinggayduo @beef-fajitas @shr00marts @quinnsstars @haunted-headset

plz help ;-;

[perpetuelledaydreaming]

Ivy | Prologue

summary: rooster and you break-up, you run back to san diego and you run into a pretty blonde at the Hard Deck. What could happen?

listen to: ivy - taylor swift | summer time sadness -lana del rey (playlist here)

warnings: smut!!!

word count: 6.2k

series masterlist + read the next chapter early on my ko-fi!!

It had been a really bad breakup. 

It wasn’t the type of breakup in the movies when the main character and their love interest just face a challenge and then they reconnect, say how much they love each other, and live happily ever after. No, this wasn’t that type of breakup. 

This was the type of breakup where you move out the same night, the type of breakup where you tell your friends to pick up your stuff when he’s not there, and the type of breakup where you haven’t spoken in person since it happened. 

It was the type of breakup that you’d never thought you’d experience with Bradley Bradshaw, Rooster, your Rooster. 

“What games are you playing?” your eyes narrowed in annoyance as you poured some water while Rooster groaned automatically as he laid on the couch. 

You’d been out to the bar near the base. Since you two had been stationed temporarily on Whidbey Island it had been a bit hard to adjust. Usually, you were always in San Diego or at least in any base in California but with your Ice gone, you didn’t particularly want to spend too much time in San Diego, the presence of your father lingered in those hallways in ways that still made your skin crawl. 

“What are you talking about?” Rooster huffed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

The fact that he still didn’t want to acknowledge it made your blood burn as you glared at him. 

“Do you think I’m stupid? Or blind?” you said nonchalantly before sipping the water, hoping that it would make you feel soberer, more in control when you were about to have this conversation.  

“Brat, not in the mood for another fight”

You bit your cheek, and the grip on the glass got a little bit tighter as you fought the urge to simply walk away. You were never too thrilled about having hard conversations with your significant others, which part of you believed, was the reason you’d let his attitude go on for so long. 

“Do you think I am?” you asked while you passed a hand through your hair, glaring at Rooster from the kitchen. “You want a meek little girlfriend that doesn’t call you out on your bullshit and I’m not it, Bradley,” you grumbled. 

He let out a snarky chuckle. “You don’t let me forget that right?” he asked as he raised from the couch. 

“Fuck you, Bradshaw,” 

Rooster and you had known each other since you were kids. Growing up with parents in the Navy meant also knowing other kids in the Navy but with Ice and Mav being so close along with the fact that basically, Carol became even more like family after Goose passed away, you practically were attached to the hip since Rooster was five and you were one. 

When you were younger, you didn’t get along too well. Rooster often picked on you and as Ice called it, the Navy Brat that you were, you didn’t stand for it. Your younger sister and brother loved Rooster and he got along with them better, maybe because he was a lot older than them, they looked at him as being cooler and more fun than you. Although, there were small moments when you would get along, after school when Rooster would often come to your home for homework and he helped you, when you convinced him to play fighter pilots with you and when you would watch movies together. 

The bickering and small fighting only died down when you were a teenager and even older, you were 18 while Rooster was twenty-three when you started to get along. Carole and your mother often joked that you should be dating, that it was meant to be since you knew each other so well. 

Rooster mockingly refused, saying that you weren’t that pretty while you would bite back saying that he wished he could take you out. Both of you apparently were hurt by the other statements, you would later find out. 

So, it just stayed like that. Graduating high school, all through college, then on the Naval Academy where you and Rooster went together since Mav had pulled his papers, and finally at Top Gun. 

Nothing had changed until you were called back a few years later, the uranium mission being the catalyst of it all.

“Why are you being so hysterical?” Rooster yelled back, now in the other corner of the table. 

“Oh, I’m sorry I should be laughing and playing nice when I see my boyfriend flirting with another girl when we’re out?”

Rooster looked away, avoiding your gaze as he now poured water too. “I wasn’t flirting, I was being nice,”

He was a bit drunk too, you wondered if you both had tried to drink your feelings down. 

“You’re always being nice to every girl, except me,” you answered with a stern look. 

You’d noticed it. You wondered if it was because you’d always known each other but you also knew there was a clear cut in his attitude when you’d told him over a month ago about your plans for the future. The fight lasted over a week, and it became insufferable and ended up with both of you in bed but it was truly never closed.

“That’s bullshit,” he snapped at you. 

There it is, you’d thought. 

Rooster wasn’t good with hard conversations and he’d rather avoid them. Part of him thought because he usually was never raised to be a confrontational type but he also knew it was because he’d been angry most of his life, at everything, and he was always afraid that he would snap like he usually did when he was younger, a stupid teenager. 

But that had been a long time ago. He liked to think his anger was in check, that he didn’t have any bad specific outbursts. Sure, there were moments he knew he was near to losing it -like when Hangman had mentioned Goose- but he tried hard to never let his anger get the best of him enough to hurt people he cared about. For you, Rooster had always been kind, soft, and perfect.

Especially when he was fighting with you, he always tried to keep his rage from spilling over, but lately, it’d become harder.

“It’s not and you know it,” you pressed. 

Rooster rolled his eyes and he took a deep breath; so much for not liking hard conversations, he thought. 

“What do you want me to say?” 

“I want you to tell me the truth,” you insisted but Rooster remained quiet, his silence saying so much more. You took a deep breath. “Do you want out of this relationship?”

Rooster frowned deeply. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that we haven’t had a real discussion since I told you that I didn’t want to get married yet or have children,”

It had been a month since it’d happened. You were celebrating your anniversary, it had been a one-year and a half since the uranium mission and since Rooster confessed his feelings for you. He’d felt called to do it since he’d almost died, he’d always loved you and you’d always loved him.

It had been a dream kiss and confession, followed by the most perfect night someone could’ve spent together. Sarah, your mother had been so happy while insisting that Carole would’ve loved it if she was still with you and Ice too. 

In the last part, you didn’t know if it was true. 

“Don’t bring up that,” Rooster bit back, features hard and serious. “We’re talking about how I flirted with a girl, right?”

You rolled your eyes while you glared at him. 

“It’s all the same. You want a wife and kids and I’m not going to give you that, and you would rather do things that hurt me rather than break up with me!”

“Do you want to break up? You don’t love me anymore?” Rooster’s jaw clenched as he got closer to you, stomping the glass of water so hard on the counter that you flinched slightly, thinking it would break. 

You sighed as you stepped closer to him. 

“Of course, I love you,” you scolded him, attempting to take his hand before he swatted it away. 

“Not enough apparently,”

You groaned. 

You now wondered if you should’ve said it, but you knew it was the right thing to do. You’d never wanted the traditional life like your mother, you never felt ready for it. The only thing that you’d ever wanted in life was to be like your father. Maybe it was an older daughter thing and the fact that you were the only one of your siblings to choose the same life as your father, maybe it was the desperation of being recognized by something more, of doing more with the path that everyone wanted you to take. 

“See?” 

“Okay, fine!” Rooster screamed as he paced back and forth in the kitchen and then walked to the living room, his steps being a bit unstable because of the alcohol previously consumed. “I want a family and you know it, you’ve known it since we were friends that I wanted that, that I wanted to get married, I”

“And you’ve also known that I don’t want that since I can remember, you know that I’ve only talked about flying. I’m not ready for anything like that yet,” you screamed back, following him. 

“Yet, see?” Rooster retorted while you grumbled under your breath.“I just don’t get why you don’t want to give that to me?” he insisted. 

“Am I denying you something, Bradley?” you scoffed. “You can go back to the girl in the bar, you want someone, anyone, just not me,” you hissed. 

“That’s not true,”

“But it is! You want the house, the stay-at-home wife, and the kids but not the person, not me!” you insisted, as tears began to spill from your eyes, he refused to look at you. “And I get it, I get why you want that after everything you lost, Goose and Carole, and I get it darling but I can’t be the one that’s going live with your trauma, you can’t step all over m-”

“Fuck you,” Rooster roared. 

It was a split-second, involuntary reaction. 

One second he was looking away from you, trying to keep his anger at bay but the grip on his anger went loose when you mentioned Goose and Carole, his trauma, the most painful experience, and his biggest loss. 

The next, his fist was rammed into the wall next to your head. 

Silence reigned between the two of you, breathing heavy and jilted as your lip trembled while you looked at him wide-eyed and then to the right of your head, staring in shock at his hand wedge into the wall, white powder, debris, and white paint drifting down innocuously to your clothes and floor. Rooster pried his hand out from the wall, staring at the red and raw knuckles of his shaking fist. 

“Brat, I-”

You flinched. 

It was over after that. You knew that Rooster would never hurt you, you were aware of his anger issues but never to the point of him expressing it so clearly against you. Both of you had cried, he begged you not to go but you also knew you simply couldn’t stay. 

That’s why you were back in San Diego, it had been three months since it had happened and it had taken almost a month to be stationed back to your home town but thankfully the Kazansky name still worked for something, you decided right there to take some time off. You hadn’t used the time that was given to you to grieve your father the prior year and you barely remember taking any type of vacation since you graduated but you surely needed it now. 

You hadn't told your friends that you were back and you’d managed to stay hidden at the guest house at your parent's place for the remaining two months, only Sarah and Maverick knowing that you’d returned and why, while you actively avoided any place where you might run into them until that night. You were due to start the following week and you decided that you needed a drink. 

You found yourself at the Hard Deck, you left your bike in the front and asked for the bartender of the night to pour you some tequila. Thankfully, Penny was out with Maverick that night, you realized, and you didn’t need to talk about it. 

At least, until you heard that thick southern accent. 

“Brat?” 

You refused to turn around immediately, mentally cursing the universe for being so cruel to you.

“Hangman,” you finally breathed out as you turned around with a small smile to find him. 

There he was, it should’ve been illegal how pretty he could look sometimes. Tall, knee-buckling handsome, his sea-foam-colored eyes stared at you softly, and the million-dollar smug smile accompanied with the dimples that you’d made fun of while you first met was wide as he took you in. 

“You’re a sight for sore eyes, sweetheart,” he teased as he opened his arms, you climbed down off the chair to hug him. 

He was happy to see you, you could tell by the way he was holding you, he was always happy to see you. The scent of lemon and wood wrapping around you as you bury your head in his chest. 

“A shame that I cannot say the same thing to you,” you replied teasingly as you pulled away, Hangman chuckled softly.

The thing was that you knew that under that smug face and cocky attitude, there was a loyal friend. He could be a hard head sometimes, which was how you’d come to know each other; you were always butting heads at the academy but as time passed you’d come to find that Hangman was not so bad. He became a good friend, he also saved your best friend and uncle from being killed by an enemy jet. 

That definitely promoted him from a good friend to one of the closest people in your life, even though you didn’t enjoy admitting it. 

“Sweet as always,” he muttered while shaking his head. “What are you doing here?” he asked as he leaned into the bar, sitting next to you. 

“Drinking,” you replied dully. 

Hangman's lips parted for a second before they closed again, he nodded slightly. “You know what I mean,” he replied while taking a sip of his beer. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you muttered, not daring to look at him. 

“Something happened with Rooster?” he asked. 

Were you that transparent? 

You stared at him, hoping that the melancholy on your features wasn’t visible to Hangman, but you knew that he could see right through. He stared at you softly, eyes gleaming with certain knowledge.

“Tell me about you, how was Hawaii?” you asked, quickly changing the topic as you gazed back at your drink. 

Jake chose not to pry but he could already guess that something had happened between Rooster and you, he knew you well enough to know that you were not okay. He knew it was about Rooster too because he could recall every time you had a bad day at Top Gun, you would run to Bradley almost as if he was your safety blanket. 

Now, you just seemed doleful and he was nowhere to be seen. 

He got the clue though, he didn’t press you to tell him and choose to lighten the mood. You talked for hours and hours on end while you sipped on Moscow mules and tequila while he only nursed on a couple of beers and watched you softly, amusement toying on his lips as you talked about your mission in Virginia and then he went on to tell you about the missions he carried out with Phoenix, who had apparently grown tired of him and then how he spent the last three months with Fanboy in Hawaii. 

It was around 2:00 am when you both realized that the bar was closing and you were one of the last ones in the whole place. It wasn’t until you stood up from the chair that you realized how much alcohol you’d consumed. Jake saw how you stumbled slightly and immediately placed his hand on the exposed skin of your waist. Goosebumps erupted on your skin and your breath hitched as you felt his featherlight touch on you, he didn’t seem to think it was a problem but you quickly tried your best to walk along, brushing his hand off from you knowing that feeling like that about Jake touching you wasn’t a good sign. 

Not that it mattered now when he insisted that you should go to his place and ask for a cab from there, there was no way he was going to let you ride your bike in such a state and you knew that it would be irresponsible as well. Hangman’s place wasn’t far away from the Hard Deck, a lovely small house in front of the beach, one you’d been to many times before for dinners and parties with the Dagger team. 

It was a familiar setting, but as your gaze followed Jake in the kitchen as he poured some glasses of water for both of you, you realized that something was shifting. When Jake gazed back at you with that smug smirk you rolled your eyes as you took the glass of water and sipped slightly while still watching him talk. 

“God, I forgot how annoying you were,” you teased with a smile. 

“The girl whose literal call sign is Brat, is talking about annoying?” he replied. 

You elbowed him playfully as you both leaned into the table in his kitchen while you laughed softly. He smiled coyly at you, his eyes gleaming as your laughter died down, just enough to realize the way he was gaping at you. It was strange, to see that look in Hangman’s, he was always playful with you, he always had something to say but just now it seemed like he was at a loss for words. 

There was a beat of silence and something compelled you to speak. 

“We broke up,” you whispered as you played with the water that remained on your glass, not daring to look back at Hangman. 

“What?”

“Me and Rooster, we broke up,” you explained, again not daring to look at him. 

Hangman stared at you, he could feel the bitter taste of your words as you told him. It must’ve been hard to even bring it up, he knew that you were never a fan of talking about feelings just as much as he was. 

“Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry,” he cooed softly as he brushed some hair away from your face and you turned back to him. 

“I know but I feel like it’s for the best,” you concluded.

Hangman nodded as you looked at your water in silence, recalling the last time you’d spoken to Rooster, which ended up with angry hot tears falling from your eyes. You hated it, you hated all the crying, hated all the discussions with Rooster that never ended right, and you hated that you didn’t even know who you were now. A part of you lost between the friendship, the love, the fights, and everything else.  

“Are you really okay?” he asked after a couple of seconds, your mind snapped back to reality as you turned to Hangman. 

“What do you mean?”

“I know you, Brat,” he muttered affectionally. “You always act so strong, like nothing’s wrong but I know that you’re hurting, it’s okay if you’re not okay,”

You sighed, he wasn’t wrong. 

“I’m better than before and the important thing is that I’ll be okay,” you answered him softly, although you didn’t think the last part was completely true. 

“Well, you know that I get along with Rooster but I’m always going to be on your team,” Jake said, leaning back at first as if he was trying to see all of you at once while before he leaned closer to you nudging your body softly against his. 

You snicker softly but then you realized how close he was, his hot warm skin from his arms flushed against yours as he cocked his head towards you smiling, as if he was seeing you for the first time. The air suddenly shifted slightly as you smiled at the other, you’d smiled at Jake so many times before in all the years that you’d known the other but this felt unknown, there was an intimacy in the way that you were talking, that you were staring at each other that was enough to make your heart feel like it was going to burst from your chest. 

“Thank you, Jake,” you replied. 

You stared up at him silently, your heart hammering on your chest as both of you turned to the other, it was so slow that for a second you thought that you were imagining it yourself but then you realized how his eyes flickered to your lips, the same way yours did a second before. 

Jake pressed his forehead against yours as your breathing hitched, his jaw clenched slightly as he stared at you with those sea-foam eyes swirling with so many emotions that you weren’t sure how to feel about it at first. The tension crackling between both of you. 

But you weren’t afraid anymore of what happened, you were suddenly overcome by the fear of what if?

So, you took a leap of faith. 

You closed the gap between your lips, his hand went to cup your face softly as you placed your hand on his neck as you straightened yourself while Jake looped his arms around your waist pushing you against him. Stumbling through the kitchen you continued to kiss him, it was soft at first, it was new and it was tender and it stole your breath away. His palm brushed off some of your hair to get at your jaw as he pulled away suddenly. 

You gasped softly at the sudden loss of contact but your eyes looked up at him, willing to continue, begging him to continue. Yet, he didn’t for a second, he looked at you as if you were a precious stone that he had to take care of. He placed his thumb against your lips and passed it softly over them as he looked at you, you knew that he was weighing his options, knowing that this might be something that was wrong because you were friends and you were Rooster’s ex but as he looked at you, Jake couldn’t let it go. 

It was Rooster’s loss, it wouldn’t be Jake’s too. 

He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours more urgently than before, stumbling against the wall as he nudge your neck and began to press kisses on your neck as his hand began to play with the buttons of the breezy silky black shirt that you’d worn, exposing your chest. He stopped for a second as he looked down, you weren’t wearing a bra that night and you felt your body sizzle by the lustful expression those sea-foam eyes gave you. 

Jake began to kiss you again, you collapse into him as Jake’s tongue started to explore your mouth, deepening the kiss as he reached down your hips, cupping your bum and suddenly turning you against the wall. One of your hands was pressed against the wall, as Jake’s lips were kissing, licking, and biting on your neck your breath hitched, your body sizzling with anticipation as his hands reached down and began to pull down your pants before he pressed his hand over the one you had at the wall. 

He suddenly pressed his length against your bum, you could feel him pressing insistently against you and you bit down a whimper while he kissed the length of your neck again and your shoulders as your shirt began to fall from them. 

It was feverishly, the way that you were touching, passionate to the point that it was frightening. You wondered where it all came from, the burning desire for Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin, the way that he was tenderly but fervently touching you. If you thought about it, it was always there but you’d never allowed yourself to see it. 

You turned around, your trousers on your ankles, and the oversize black silk shirt slipped to the point that your breast were somehow out whilst Jake couldn’t help but pry a bit as you stared at him. His blonde hair was out of place which was strange for him, his lips taken apart as he looked at you, a dusky pink color in the slated light of the kitchen, a pale blush tinting his cheeks. 

You couldn’t have wished for more. 

You pulled him back harshly to kiss his lips, Jake breathed a sigh of relief, as if he was waiting for you to stop him, and this at any moment but just the fact that you hadn’t had made his breathing normal again. His right hand came to cup your cheek as your tongue caressed his while you focused on the feeling of his thumb running softly across your cheekbone. 

Jake quickly looped his other arm around your torso and quickly placed you on the counter of the kitchen, you squeaked out as your bare ass pressed against the cold marble, and Jake couldn’t help but smile at you as he began to kiss his way down your body. A flash of heat ran down your body as Jake began to pull your legs apart, his sea-foam eyes always on you as you gasped with anticipation. 

There was nothing, Jake decided at that moment, more breathtaking than your face when flushed with desire. 

He yanked your pants off from your ankles as he pushed the lace to the side in one swift movement, diving in, he pressed a kiss to your clit, your hands flew to his hair, clutching handfuls of his blonde curls as you felt Jake’s tongue starting to move as he brushed a finger against your clit. You closed your eyes, a moan falling from your lips as your body couldn’t take the way how his mouth expertly move against your core. Then he slid his fingers inside of you, curling them against your g-spot while he pressed his lips against your clit, an unexpectedly loud moan fell from your lips and you felt like you couldn’t hold yourself anymore. Your back fell to the marble as you began to moan louder, grinding your hips up against Jake’s mouth, you could hear the glasses breaking against the floor, while one of your hands fell to your side as you gripped the table, a bowl of fruit falling too as you whimpered. 

You could feel your orgasm building, your pussy clenching Jake’s fingers and tongue as he worked on you. It was too much, your back arching as you mewled in desperation at the way he was putting all the attention on you, all of his efforts on your pleasure. He was too good, Jake’s eyes flickered up at you and he couldn’t help but smirk at the way he had you already. You moaned one final time so loud that Jake thought that his neighbors might’ve heard you, your walls clenched around his tongue as you were shaking and withering, as you squeezed your eyes shut while the waves of pleasure washed over you. 

“I want you,” Jake whispered as he climbed up and pushed you up against him.

His chest flushed with yours as he studied your features softly; Jake had been with many girls in his life but he was sure he’d never felt such pleasure in gazing at a woman he was with, sex for him had always been about touching and taste and fire, and yet with you, it was tender but passionate. 

You were so utterly beautiful to him. 

“Open your eyes,” he murmured against your lip, your thighs still trembling from the orgasm he gave you. “Come on, doll,” he said again softly. 

Your eyes fluttered open, cheeks blushed as you place a lazy kiss against his lips. Your pulse seemed to be so slow in comparison to a few minutes before, it felt as if you were drunk, intoxicated by him. 

“I want you too,” you breathed out as you pressed his lips against yours, you tasted yourself on his tongue feeling how he was smiling, really smiling as he took your bum off the counter and took you to his room while you wrapped your legs around his waist. 

Jake sat on the edge of his bed, while you laid on top of him, kissing him hard. You tugged his shirt upward and then worked on his jeans, Jake yanked his clothes off him without much trouble as you held into his shoulders for leverage while you continued to press kisses in whatever skin you could find. 

And then, Jake pulled down his boxers. You looked down at it and your heart began to thump harder as you realized what you were about to do. Jake pulled away for a second, looking up at you and smiling, Jake was so hard already and you could feel him pressing against your stomach, hard, thick. You touched him softly as you breathed heavily while watching him, Jake let out a soft growl as you work on him and you smirk smugly while licking your lips. Jake’s hands flew to your hips before you pause for a moment.  

“It’s okay,” you muttered as you understand the unspoken question. 

It’s okay that we’re friends and we’re doing this. It’s okay that even if you are a close friend of my ex-boyfriend we’re doing this. It’s okay that we don’t have a condom, we’re doing this. It’s okay if you are you and I’m me, we’re still doing this. 

Jake then pulled you down and kissed you, hot and unrelenting, kissing you with intent. You adjusted yourself a bit and soon Jake was pushing your hips so you were sinking down on him, burying himself as deeply as he could possibly go inside of you. Both of you let out strangled moans, the feeling of being filled and the absolute warmth overtaking both of you almost completely. He feels so good, so good that you didn’t know if you were just going to come there and then by the way he was pulsing inside of you. 

You moaned gently into his shoulder, nails sinking into his skin as Jake struggled for a second before he got a grip and started to move your hips provocatively slow as he swallowed hard and looked at you, he loved the fucked out look on your face. You were unable to help your sharp intake of breath as Jake thrusted up sharply, when you opened your eyes you saw the smug smirk on his face. You frown before you pressed your lips against him, claiming his mount in a vulgar, tongue-filled kiss. It was sloppy and hot as you sucked his lower lip between your teeth, eliciting a soft groan from Jake before you release it. 

Now, you gave him a smug smirk before you started to move your hips up and down as your hands braced your body against his broad shoulders. Jake kept pounding into you. Jake pressed his lips against your throat, rutting his hips upward to meet yours, he sucked different purple marks into your skin as your eyes squeeze shut by how good you were feeling, by how good his cock felt as he drove up against your g-spot with each movement. Jake marked you up, a purple mark on your neck, then one on your chest, then one under your boob as he continued to snap his hips against yours. 

“F-fuck,” his voice hoarse, sounding a little choked after a particular roll of your hips. “You’re so good, you’re so lovely, sweetheart,” 

You whimpered at the nickname as you felt how your body began to burn as he slammed harshly into you, his heavy breaths against your upper chest. The rhythm steadily increased the tempo, bodies rocking together, both finding their release. You ride him with everything you got, mewling in pleasure as your nails rake his shoulders and then his chest, sweat running between the two of you, dripping from your slick bodies as you rocked against each other. Jake gritted his teeth, hissing in pleasure as you slightly shifted your hips and everything becomes tighter. It’s intoxicating, the way that your breathless pants and gasps feel against his ears, his ragged breathing as you kiss him one more time, it’s slower than the other kisses but with a frenzy filling up your chest. The rhythm grows quickly out of control before your throw your head back as you feel the fire pooling on your lower belly, Jake knows you’re there, you just need a little push, he slid one hand between the two of you and pinches your clit with his finger. 

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you clenched around him. It was too much and not enough, you gasp for breath as you quickly surrender to the shockwaves of pleasure cursing through your veins as he thrust deep inside of you. Soon, your mind was spiraling, growing hazy from the intoxicating feeling of Jake’s cock hitting the right spot, your legs begin to tremble but Jake didn’t stop, relentlessly pounding into you with a barely animalistic growl as ecstasy burst through you as Jake’s thrust became sloppy and soon, he reached his own release. 

You barely heard Jake yelling out your name as he spilled into you, filling you up completely. 

Jake just holds you there as you both try to catch your breaths, bodies still overheated and chest heaving. Jake’s head falls back softly as he chuckles lightly. You don’t want to move for a second, still too dizzy and weak to do it, you kiss his shoulder softly, his collarbone, and then placed a chaste kiss over his lips. Jake smiled at you and you smiled at him, your fingers playing gently with the soft hairs of the nape of his neck as Jake’s fingers trace small circles on your back. 

By the morning, your muscles are so sore that you could’ve sworn you’d done aquatic training the day before but not, but you didn’t. Still, in the haze of your sleep, your mind didn't seem alarmed as you feel the warmth of a body tangled with yours, your mind didn't register the gravity of the fact that that body belong to anyone other than Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin. 

The only thing you could think about was a loud and lousy ringtone that was making your head hurt, maybe it was the alcohol that was making your head hurt but you didn’t want to take the blame. 

“Oh my god,” 

You mutter before you press your face back into the comfort of the pillow you’d slept on that night, pulling a bit away from Jake, maybe the loss of heat would wake him up but after a minute you realize that it didn’t. You push his bicep unceremoniously, waking him up suddenly. 

“What?” he asked alarmed as he began to move but still too sleepy to realize where the sound was coming from. 

You groaned. “Fuck Hangman, are you deaf? Why is that thing so loud?” you grumbled although it was hard to hear you with how your face was pressed up against the pillow. 

Jake’s mind finally snapped and looked down at his pants on the floor, where his phone probably was. He leaned down a bit too slow as you whimpered loudly, tacitly asking him to stop the sound. 

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Jake mumbles before he answered the phone and walked out of the room. 

The silence is finally comforting as you take a deep breath and try to get yourself back to sleep. Unfortunately, another ringtone starts to fill the room and you cursed mentally as you recognize that it’s your phone. Jake, before everything had happened, had placed it in his room so you could charge it before you left. 

You groaned as you pull yourself out of the comfortable position you were in before you reached for it on the bedside table, you don’t even mind looking at the number, you don’t find yourself caring or thinking too much about who it is. 

You just wanted to go back to sleep. 

“Hello?” you asked.

“Lt. Kazansky,” you recognized Warlock’s voice immediately and your eyes snapped open as you raise from the bed. You don’t answer, holding your breath as you wait for Warlock to speak, he seemed to take the hint and continued. “I’m to inform you that you’ve been called for a mission. The dagger team has to return.”

Suddenly, Jake opened the door as he gazes back at you, the same concerned expression painted on his features. 

Shit.

***

taglist: @laracrofted @double-j @inky-sun @alanadetigy

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author's note: so this took a while, I'm so sorry. I just really had this idea about the prologue and it took me a while to think about the smut lol anyway, I really hope this is up to your expectations. as always thank you for reading.

***

feedback is always welcomed!!!

donate: help me pls with a glass of wine?

[mackenzielovee]

jealous - rafe cameron

a/n: hi! im kinda a mess right now and this story is a little all over the place so im sorry if you hate it lol but i really wanted to write something based on what i think Rafe would really be like as a bf so here it is! (not my pic)

Summary: Your boyfriend, Rafe Cameron, takes you to a party.

Warnings: swearing, drug use (cocaine), alcohol consumption, mentions of sex

Word Count: 2k

my writing

You can hear the music coming from the house before you see it. It's Friday night on Figure Eight, and you already know what that means. Accompanying your boyfriend to yet another party. You and Rafe have been together for almost a year, and some days, you really think you could rip his head off.

You hadn't even wanted to come tonight. When you voiced that to Rafe, however, he told you with a shrug of his shoulders that he'd just find someone else to dance with. Of course, it started a fight, and now, you're sitting in the back of Topper's Jeep beside Rafe, watching as he stares at his phone.

He isn't talking to you or looking at you, but apparently it's enough for him that he just knows exactly where you are and what you're doing. It's not enough for you, though. You reach over and grab his hand from his phone, looping yours through it. Rafe hesitates at first, wanting his hand back so he can continue what he had been doing. When he sees your expression, his eyes soften just a bit and he relaxes into his seat and your touch.

Topper parks the car and tells all of you to hop out, which you do with the help of Rafe. You appreciate that he doesn't let go of your hand, even though you know it's only because you all are approaching the party and he wants every single person to know that you are with him.

Rafe leans over and kisses your temple quickly, then brings his lips down to your ear.

"Stay close, yeah?" he whispers, his hand gripping yours even tighter.

You know the drill by now. Of course you're going to stay close, because Rafe never lets you get more than five feet away from him at these things. You envy the way Topper treats Sarah sometimes, even though you really think Topper's a tool and would never date him.

Once you all enter the house, Rafe moves his hand from yours to around your waist, leading you through the party and glaring at any guy that even looks over at you. You all make your way into the living room area and find seats on the couch, Rafe immediately pulling you down dangerously close to him.

"Yo, who got this shit?" Rafe points to the cocaine on the table in front of him, the rolled up dollar bill tempting him.

"Bought it from Barry this morning, bro," Kelce speaks up, grinning. Kelce is always trying to please Rafe.

"Always reading my mind, brother," Rafe smirks, and leads forward to take a line without hesitation.

When he comes back up from his line, he grins and daps up Kelce, telling him it's good shit. Then, without you even moving, he leans over and kisses you roughly. His tongue enters your mouth quickly, which you accept and grab onto his neck. He moans into your mouth and then pulls away, immediately going back to the coke.

You sigh and sit back, pulling your phone out. You know Rafe will be high as a kite when you two leave tonight, which only makes you hopeful that he won't turn into an absolute asshole once that stuff kicks in.

He turns back to you with a devious smirk on his face, and before you can even ask what he's doing, he's collecting a line up on your thigh.

"I don't want that shit on me, Rafe," you grumble, but you know better than to move. He might just kill you if you spilled that shit all over the couch and the floor.

"Relax, baby," he tells you, not looking up at you. He's too focused on perfecting his line.

His friends all watch as he snorts a line up your thigh, all of them silently wishing they could do the same. You try not to roll your eyes at him and end up catching the eye of some guy standing in the corner of the room. He's watching you both, curious why you're hanging out with a guy like that. You just shrug and roll your eyes only halfway, telling the guy you're over it.

You're not sure why you do it, you suppose it's the concerned look in his eye as he watches. Nobody ever looks at you like that anymore.

When Rafe glances back up to you and sees you looking at another guy, he instinctively wraps his arm around your waist.

"I don't like the way he's looking at you," Rafe tells you, "Come sit in my lap."

His voice is raspy and his jaw is clenched as he pulls you into his lap, kissing on your cheeks and your neck as he stares at the guy. After only a minute or so, the guy is intimidated enough that he ends up walking out of the living room completely.

"Did you know him?" Rafe asks you, his eyes trailing the boy out of the room.

"No, baby," you sigh.

He catches the frustration in your voice and looks up into your eyes, reaching up and tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear. This is the Rafe you love; the intimate, soft one. The one who isn't afraid to show you how he loves you.

"Are you having fun, princess?" he questions, his voice softer than it had been before.

You're not, but you know Rafe is enjoying himself and wants to stay and hang out. So, you take a deep breath and nod your head, giving him a convincing smile. Rafe smiles back and strokes his fingers against your cheek, then brings his hand down to your neck to pull you closer to him. He uses his nose to move your hair away from your ear so he can talk into it.

"I can't wait to get inside of you later, sweetheart," he whispers, feeling you instantly start to squirm against his lap.

His dirty talk always gets to you. The way his voice gets all raspy and needy just does things to your body that no other guy ever could.

"Is that right?" you tease him, bringing your lips dangerously close to him.

"Mhm," he hums against your lips, then closes the gap between the two of you.

He loves when you play with his hair, so you do. You can feel him getting excited underneath you, so you continue. One of his hands wraps around your throat and the other goes down to your ass, making you moan.

"Yo, Rafe, get a fucking room, man," Topper groans.

Rafe smirks against your lips and pulls away, gently setting you down beside him again. You try not to be mad that Topper interrupted the first ounce of attention your boyfriend has shown you tonight. Rafe leans forward to cut another line, so you stand and look around for a bathroom. When he doesn't notice you get up, you decide to just run really quick to one and then come back.

You walk from the living room into a kitchen, then see a little hallway that looks like it probably contains a bathroom. Once you get down the dimly lit hallway, you feel a hand on your arm, roughly yanking you around.

"What the fuck are you doing going off on your own?" Rafe snaps at you, his grip on your arm tightening. You can feel his nails digging into your flesh, making you wince.

"Rafe, you're hurting me," you tell him softly, gently trying to move your arm out of his grasp.

"You need to tell me when you have to go to the bathroom," he says harshly, then releases our arm.

"I'm sorry," you mumble, looking down at the floor. He brings his hand up and grabs your cheek, pulling your head up to look at him.

"C'mon," he tells you, "I'll take you."

He reaches down and takes your hand, leading you down the hallway and stopping at a random door. There's one guy waiting outside of it, who Rafe pats on the back once the two of you approach.

"Find another one," Rafe tells him.

The guy turns around and looks at Rafe like he's crazy, his eyes glancing over to you for a second. Protectively, Rafe's grip tightens around your hand.

"Dude, I've been waiting for a while. The line was long when I got here," the guy tells him, watching Rafe sarcastically smile.

"Interesting story, bro. Move along. Now," Rafe's voice is harsh.

The guy rolls his eyes and pushes past the two of you, deciding he doesn't have to go bad enough to put up with Rafe being an asshole. Rafe moves in front of the door, pulling you with him, and bangs on the door.

"Time's up," he yells, continuing to pound on the door.

The door opens up a second later, the guy Rafe had removed from the living room with his eyes earlier stepping out. Of course, you think.

"Ah, if it isn't the guy who likes to stare at my girl," Rafe grins devilishly.

"Rafe-" you start, wanting to tell him to let it go.

"Go inside, baby. I'll be right here when you're done."

He drags his hand toward the door, which in turn drags you toward the door. He lets go as soon as you're in the bathroom, then leans in and shuts the door for you. You can hear Rafe sizing up that poor guy outside, but you choose not to listen. You use the bathroom and then wash your hands quickly, trying your best to hurry so you can save that guy.

When you pull the door open again, Rafe is leaning against the doorframe with his phone in his hand. He looks up at you when you come out and doesn't speak, he just wraps his arm around your waist and leads you away, still looking at his phone.

When you get into the kitchen, Rafe suddenly pushes you up against the wall with no warning. He leans forward and grabs onto your cheeks, bringing his mouth up to yours roughly and kissing you. He quickly picks you up and wraps your legs around his waist, keeping you pinned up against the wall. You kiss him back, loving the way his hands feel all over your body. If you're honest, you're growing impatient for the night to end. You really just want Rafe to take you home and fuck you.

Rafe pulls away after a few minutes, gently setting you back down on the floor and taking his hand in yours again.

"You're mine, don't you forget it," he tells you, his voice demanding. You nod and reach up to wipe your lip, which seems to be covered in Rafe's saliva.

You watch Rafe's gaze as it lingers around the guy from the bathroom, who had just seen Rafe's explosive display of affection. You sigh, knowing that entire thing was just a way of Rafe to mark his territory.

"We're gonna go get Topper's keys," Rafe tells you, "I can't wait any longer. I need you, right now."

You give Rafe a real smile this time and nod your head, following him as he leads you through the crowd. After promising Topper you two wouldn't fuck in his Jeep, he hands Rafe his keys so you two can leave. Rafe tightens his grip around your hand as he pulls you back to the kitchen. He purposely walks past that guy again, muttering something in his ear as you two pass that you can't hear. When you look back, the guy looks disgusted.

When you two get back to Topper's Jeep, you're surprised when Rafe opens up the back door for you to get in.

"Why am I getting in the back?" you ask him.

He smirks, "We're getting in the back."

You look at the devious look on his face and figure out what he's up to, so you raise your eyebrow at him.

"You promised Topper we wouldn't fuck in his Jeep," you remind him.

Rafe rolls his eyes, "Yeah, and last month Topper promised me he wouldn't bend my nine iron when he beat up that Pogue on the golf course with my club. Trust me, baby. He owes me."

You sigh but do as you're told, watching Rafe's smirk only grow when you climb inside. No matter what that boy puts you through at these parties, the sex always makes up for it.

[lonely-lost-soul]

Little Hope

(Platonic SBI Famliy x child reader)

Request 6: An imagine or Drabble about sbi family x reader where the reader is the newest adoptee to the family and it turns out they sleepwalk! They do random things like moving stuff around, talking to empty air, and can sometimes end up waking up nowhere near their bed. Just harmless shenanigans that might be spooky at first but are ultimately funny and endearing in a way. 

Requested By: @0melodydrifter0​ 

When Phil brought home a little girl wrapped in a blanket Wilbur was pissed, another child his father had adopted that Phil couldn’t take care of, another child that would end up being his and Techno’s duty to raise. However, something was different in his father’s eyes as he held the young girl close to his chest, 

     “Dad?” Wilbur murmured an eyebrow raised suspiciously high on his head, “What’s that?” He watched his father wince a little cradling the toddler closer to him, 

     “Wilbur...this is (Y/n). She’s going to be your new little sister.” Wilbur grits his teeth and felt rage flood through his veins again, not at the little one, no he couldn’t blame the child for his father’s savior complex. “An old friend of mine village was raided, he asked for my help but by the time I got there everyone was dead, everyone except her.” Phil moved some stray hair out from the kid’s eyes, “I couldn’t leave her for dead Wilbur.” Wilbur’s face softened a little bit, now wasn’t the time to argue with his father, especially since he had just lost a friend. 

      “Could I...see her?” He asked hesitantly as Phil knelt down beside one of his eldest, Wilbur noted the girl had flecks of (h/c) hair on her forehead, her face was covered in soot and ash, he noted she had the brightest (e/c) eyes he’s ever seen. She was quiet, very different from Tommy already, she reached up and touched the side of Wilbur’s cheek with a pudgy hand. The boy was done for after that, vowing up and down that he’d be the best big brother in the world to her even if it killed him. 

Much better than Tommy and Techno too. 

Speaking of the first time Tommy and Techno met you it was quite the experience. Tommy basked in the fact of no longer being the youngest member of the family and Techno was quick to remind him the being the middle child was far worse. Tommy had called him a bitch and Phil told him not to curse in front of his sister which he huffed at, swearing to Phil that her first word would be fuck. 

He got hit on the back of his head for that comment. 

Technoblade was indifferent about that situation, saying orphans were cringe and that you smelled bad, Wilbur was okay with both of these outcomes. As he stated earlier he was going to be the favorite brother whether you knew it or not.

By the time you were ten years old Wilbur’s wish had come true, you stuck by his side and were a quiet staple in his life. He also spoiled you rotten, he made you songs and snuck you cookies when Phil wasn’t looking, he’d do anything to see that smile a smile on your face. However, much to his displeasure it seemed that both Technoblade and Tommy were encroaching on his little happy bubble with his sister. 

It started with Technoblade, he noticed you following him around more often than not. At first, the hybrid was annoyed, he’d lock you out of his room and force you away by threatening to cut off your fingers if you didn’t leave him alone. However, that only made you cry and it made Techno panic if Phil heard you crying he’d be a dead man, and if Wilbur heard he’d be double dead. He began to try to hush you frantically, you didn’t calm down until he stated he would hang out with you a little longer. It shut you up immediately, oh you were a sneaky little shit, he could respect that. He decided he read to you if that was alright, you nodded eagerly, and he carried you into his room. You were a kid of few words and Technoblade could respect that, he pulled out a story about some of the ancient Greek Gods and Goddesses. Figuring the Art of War was probably too much for a ten-year-old, surprisingly he enjoyed himself. You were eager to learn and enjoyed the stories way more than he thought you would, okay maybe you bonded just a little. He had taken to calling you Moirai the greek goddess of destiny, not only that but Technoblade had started bringing you gifts from his adventures, something he never did for anyone else.

Therefore Wilbur was feeling VERY threatened and Technoblade LOVED it. 

However, while the both of them were having their little pissing contest they didn’t notice their younger brother swooping in to join the fight for your attention. As the eldest were at war with themselves, Tommy had taken to sneaking you out of the house to cause trouble by his side. After all, no sister of his was going to be boring like Wilbur and Technoblade, she was going to be as awesome as he was if he had anything to say about it. So when he snuck you out one night against their wishes when they were too busy to notice he decided to take full advantage of that opportunity. He adored hearing your enthusiastic giggles as he tore through the forest with you on his shoulders. 

You were typically a very quiet child, so to hear you laugh because of him made Tommy preen with delight. Your fingers were twisted in his blonde locks as you steered him like a horse, it hurt like hell but so long as it kept you steady he really didn’t mind. 

The joy didn’t last long because Wilbur and Technoblade had found them not soon after he escaped their clutches. Techno plucked you off his shoulders and held you in his arms, you let out a little whine of disappointment and Tommy frowned,

     “Oh come on Technoblade don’t be an asshole!” 

     “Don’t curse in front of (Y/n), Tommy.” Wilbur hissed hitting him on the back of his head, “you can’t just run off with her it’s dangerous!”

     “I can protect her just fine you bitch!” 

     “Oh please, you can barely protect yourself.” Technoblade scoffed as you began to play with his pink hair, hating the tense atmosphere. Tommy snarled at his brother and moved to punch him in the chest but Techno was quick to sidestep them, “nice one genius.” 

     “FUCK OFF!”

You let out a displeased whine and covered your ears at the volume Tommy shouted, 

      “Shut up Tommy,” Wilbur hissed “You’re way too loud and you’re upsetting her.”

     “WE WERE HAVING A LOVELY TIME UNTIL YOU FUCKERS RUINED IT!” 

     “Tom-Tom please shush,” You pressed a finger to your mouth in distress, mimicking a hushing movement. His face faltered, his voice lowering in volume as he apologized softly towards you. “Thank you,” a big smile spread across your lips, and all three brothers visibly relaxed.

     “Alright little one,” Wilbur spoke tenderly running a hand through your hair his heart-melting a little as you nuzzled against it. “Let’s get you home, it’s way past your bedtime.” You groaned in distaste falling against Techno’s shoulder with a soft thud, the man chuckled softly as all three brothers walked back home. 

It was about two months after that when your happy facade came crashing down around you, it had been a particularly rough day. Everyone seemed to be busy with one thing or another and you were left to your own devices and thoughts. They all came rushing back to you, the memories of the day your village got raided and your bio parents passed away. Wilbur was the first to notice something was wrong and had asked Phil to check up on you, so when Phil finally got around to ask what was wrong you burst into tears. That’s when they discovered you apparently remembered more of the incident than you let on. It broke their hearts to see you so upset over something you had no control over, but like everyone else in their family of misfits, you blamed yourself for simply surviving the tragedy. 

They had made sure to coddle you the rest of the day, Technoblade had made sure to make you your favorite food for dinner. Phil and Wilbur tried to keep you busy with music and potion brewing and Tommy played some discs to help you fall asleep. You did so smiling and his heart soared, point to Tommy for getting you to fall asleep with a smile. 

Your found family had gathered that night to discuss what they should do with you moving forward. Phil had declared they all do their best to keep you distracted the next few days, preferably in shifts if that was needed. Wilbur offered to spend the morning with you, he wanted to visit Niki and Sally and both of them loved you if anyone would cheer you up they would. Tommy offered the afternoon and he could bring Tubbo over and you all could play soldiers, Techno said he’d handle the nights with Phil. 

Everyone settled into bed to get a much-needed rest, out of all the brothers Technoblade was the lightest sleeper. So when he woke up in a cold sweat with you standing over his bed he almost shit himself. You had a glassy look in your (e/c) eyes, 

     “(Y/n)? What are you doing? Do you know how late it is?” Technoblade scolded reaching out to grab his glasses, you didn’t respond to him which made his nose scrunch up. “Did you have a nightmare?” His voice got quieter as he reached out to cup your cheek, still no response from you. “Kid?” He sat up as you turned away from him to wander back out the door, “what just happened?” He murmured scratching under his chin, he’d have to bring this up tomorrow. 

Wilbur was concerned and immediately wanted to seek a doctor, especially because you had no remembrance of the event. Phil ran a hand through his hair in thought, “could it be sleepwalking?” 

     “(Y/n)’s too cool to sleepwalk. What the fuck do you mean?” Tommy scoffed and you frowned eyebrows furrowing together. 

     “Well it makes sense, doesn’t it? She doesn’t remember walking around but it clearly happened. Hopefully, it was only a one-off occurrence and she’ll never do it again.”

      “Is it bad if I do?” You whispered shuffling on your feet suddenly self-conscious, “Tommy doesn’t seem to think it’s good.” They all glared at the teenager who winced and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. Phil knelt down in front of you and cupped your cheeks with his hands, 

     “It’s not bad. We just have to take some extra precautions for you is all, it’s perfectly normal especially after the trauma you went through.” You bit your lip and nodded within his hands, “Tommy’s an idiot-”

      “Hey!-

      “That doesn’t make you any less of a person and it doesn’t make you any more abnormal either,” Phil assured as Techno began snickering behind him, he turned his head to shoot him a look.

     “What? It’s just funny assuring her she’s normal when no one in this house is normal.” Technoblade waved his hand, “we’re all a bunch of misfits- don’t give me that look you know it’s true. Half of us are hybrids and the other half are gremlins,” He motioned to Tommy again who made an indigent sound tired of being the butt of everyone’s teasing. “So she’s never gonna be normal, but she’s always gonna be one of us and we’ll kill anyone who even thinks about teasing her.” 

Phil smiled sheepishly sweat gathering on his brow, “Let’s not kill anyone Techno at least not now. Especially if they’re children.”

     “Now, now dad, Technoblade has a point.”

     “Wilbur.” Phil scolded as Tommy’s face lit up, 

     “Can I punch a child?” You burst into laughter at Phil’s horrified expression, 

     “No Tommy. No, you cannot!” 

     “It’s okay papa I give them explicit permission to beat anyone up who fucks with me!” You shouted and Tommy’s face once again lit up, he grabbed you out of Phil’s arms and held you close. 

     “You said Fuck! I’m so proud I’m teaching you so well!” He spun you around only causing you to laugh harder as the older members of your family glared at Tommy, “Now say it again!”

Wilbur plucked you from Tommy’s arms glaring at his brother, “No. No, she won’t say it again. That’s a bad word you can’t say it till you’re older.” A pout settled on your lips as you crossed your arms in frustration. 

     “But Tommy gets to say it all the time.” 

     “And he’s older.” Phil let out a chuckle at Wilbur's response watching you slump forward with a loud groan of absolute torment. 

You didn’t sleepwalk again until a few months later, everyone had relatively assumed it was a one-off occurrence and their watchful eye was lifted. In the meantime Tommy had started to maybe sort of sneak out; he had his bag all packed and planned to meet Tubbo in the park. They both wanted to go monster hunting on their own, it wasn’t their first rodeo but it still wasn’t something he was supposed to do without his dad's permission.

Tommy didn’t give a shit about permission though. 

Obviously. 

He grabbed his sword from its place in the living room, Tommy held it up with a wicked smile. It shone in the dim light and he could see the reflection of his face inside it, it must’ve been freshly polished. Tommy put his sword in its holster and turned around, immediately letting out a startled yelp slapping his hands over his mouth. You were standing behind him eyes glassy as you blinked blearily at him, 

     “(Y/n)?” Tommy whisper hissed glaring at you harshly, “What the fuck are you doing awake?” You didn’t respond, only walking past him reaching for a sword of your own, his eyes widened frantically and steered you away from the sharp weaponry. “Are you sleepwalking?” Tommy asked in mild concern before a smirk came across his face, “Guess I don’t have to worry about you snitching huh?” He slowly led you into Phil’s room opening the door and shoving you in before shutting the door. Tommy made quick work of grabbing everything else needed before heading out of the house to meet up with Tubbo. 

Phil woke up to you standing over him, looming, and it almost sent him into a heart attack. He knew immediately you were sleepwalking, “Oh honey...come ‘ere.” He pulled you into bed with him and watched your eyes drift close and snuggle up to him. At least you were safe with him, so long as you didn’t start unlocking doors and injuring yourself they could handle this. 

After telling the other brothers about the incident last night Wilbur was only growing more concerned about your sleep state. He offered to take you to the doctor but Phil brushed him off, saying that normally this thing sorts themself out on their own. Since he was feeling rather protective Wilbur slept in the living room the next few nights just to make sure you didn’t go wandering off. Plus, Phil seemed to not only approve of but also grateful for the idea; so long as the old man could get much-needed rest he didn’t seem to care. Another week flew by with no problems, and he decided to spend one last night in the living room just to triple-check you weren’t going to sleepwalk. 

He woke up to the sound of a hooting owl and soft banging against the wall, he tossed his hand over the back of the couch and he blinked blearily. Unlike his twin, he didn’t exactly have the razor-sharp reflexes that Technoblade was gifted with. Wilbur grabbed his glasses from the coffee table and shoved them on his face haphazardly. 

What was that noise? Did Tommy sneak out again? He turned towards the opened door and it took a few moments to process why the door was open. Wilbur scratched the top of his head in confusion before his eyes snapped open in blatant realization. He tossed the blankets off the couch and scrambled out the door. Bare footprints were made in the mud leading away from your house, tiny you sized footprints. 

Oh, he was so fucked. How long ago did you leave? Are you alright? It’s so cold and you weren’t wearing shoes.

Wilbur made sure to grab both of your jackets and shoved his feet in his boots before heading out the door. He saw his breath out in front of him and winced you must be so cold, hopefully, you weren’t dead if you were he was totally in big trouble. He followed your footprints until they stopped at the edge of the woods, he looked around frantically and anxiety prickled at his skin. If the trail went cold here there was no way he would be able to find you, what if you woke up in a completely different part of the SMP. Or worse yet what if someone kidnaps you and takes you away from them? 

He entered the woods calling out your name desperately even though you wouldn’t respond if you were still asleep. Wilbur adjusted his glasses noticing a soft trail of broken leaves, he decided it was his best bet to follow them. Eventually, he came to a bit of a clearing in the woods that led up to a large cliff, Wilbur’s heart sunk. He felt his breathing stop as he walked towards the edge of the cliff, slowly like he didn’t want to know if he thinks what happened to you, happened to you. At the very top of the cliff is when he saw it, the bracelet you always wore on your wrist it was made of gold and Technoblade had gifted it to you after an adventure he had with Phil. He pulled the jewelry close to his chest and let out a shaky breath, tears swelled in his eyes as he peeked over the edge of the cliff. The poor boy couldn’t even see the bottom, Phil would have to fly down and search it, he was going to throw up. 

     “Wilby…?” 

Oh god, he could still hear your sweet, little voice. 

     “What are you doing? Are you crying?”

Wait, that was your voice!

He whipped around to find you rubbing your tired eyes, your feet were bare and you were shivering. Wilbur tore through the bush and scooped you up in his arms, cuddling you close to him as he peppered kisses all over your face. “Ewww Wilby stop!” You said through giggles pushing his face away from your own, 

     “I’m so glad you’re alright. You were sleepwalking again, I thought…” His voice cracked a little as you tilted your head. You looked around his shoulder and eyed the cliff wearily, you nuzzled against his neck and squeezed him tightly. 

     “I’m sorry…” 

     “It’s not your fault.” He whispered against you, “let's get you home though alright? Want to have a sleepover with me?”

     “Please. I’m scared I’ll wander off if I sleep alone again.” Wilbur nodded, running his fingers through your messy hair. For a girl your age, it was important to make sure you get a good night's sleep. As he carried you back home you ended up falling back asleep in his arms, he had a lot of time to think. He couldn’t believe that a few years ago he had despised the girl in his arms, thought of you as just another stowaway Phil brought home. You had managed to melt his heart and worm your way into not just his brain but his other brother’s brains as well. You had brought so much joy and happiness into their lives. Before you entered their lives there was arguing every night. Tommy and Techno were always at each other’s throats, Wilbur wasn’t any better, to be honest, but then you were there and everything changed. They had to get along and watch their language around you, you weirdly brought them together. Made them better and he couldn’t imagine what their lives would be like without their little hope.

[pen-observing]

request: how lucifer, mammon, satan, belphegor and diavolo react and find out about you having 'I now own your soul' under the terms and conditions of a webpage.

Lucifer:

While Lucifer is certainly busy all the time, and tries to balance it by having you in his study as he works, he can’t hide how tired he has actually been for the past 4 weeks.

All you know is that Diavolo has made the meetings more frequent and they are taking a toll on him

And since he means that much to you, regardless of if you wish to acknowledge it or not, you have to ask what is going on once he stands up and walks over to reach for another bottle from his shelf Lucifer does not drink that often and he certainly doesn’t try to avoid work by drinking.

Just what could be making him act this way?

“Lucifer, you have to tell me what is going on.”

He stands on his side of the desk just pouring another glass down.

Curse him for being elegant and showing his forearms while doing so!

And then he dares to look at you with full focus and furrowed eyebrows and he is about to say something and he looks like-

‘no. You are human.’

Fuck.

“Come on! You know I won’t tell anyone!”

He does trust you at least after so long.

"Very well. I will tell you since it has something to do with a human. If, by any chance, you spread the information, the price you pay will be a heavy one."

He can’t intimidate you that much but you know when he is serious.

"You see, recently, Diavolo has had more issues than ever with someone we like to call ‘code soul stealer"

“Uhn,, and that is?”

He takes a sip of his drink and holds the glass while looking at you.

“Apparently, a pesky human added ‘I now own your soul’ in their terms and conditions on a web page and some application. With this, they have stolen many souls and Diavolo has grown even more concerned these past few weeks since the page is just gaining popularity.”

Oh fuck, oh fuck. Thats you that he is calling a pesky human! You only did it as a joke because you saw a meme! It wasn’t supposed to make an enemy out of you to the prince of hell!

How are you supposed to tell Lucifer that? How will he react?

Maybe if you do tell him it will actually create more good than harm?

Or, you could hide it for the rest of your life and- no! The honest way with Lucifer is the best way. He trusts you enough so you have to trust him too!

“Lucifer...I am the pesky human you are referring to...”

He drops the glass. 

“I swear I had no idea souls were actually real and now I own a lot of them! O-On the good side I went viral 4 weeks ago so...oh, that is why you’ve been so busy....sorry.”

Lucifer says nothing.

He just falls into the chair in the most dramatic way you’ve ever seen.

He covers his face with both hands and groans into them loudly.

If you were not ‘code soul stealer’ you would laugh at him right now. But he has to figure out a way to protect you now.

Mammon:

You see, dating Mammon means that you two will bicker plenty.

However, it is usually silly stuff that you bicker about like; are gold or silver lines better on this cup of tea or not?

He just loves you too much to get into a serious argument with you.

However, Levi dragged you both to play a spy/heist game that just came out and Mammon cannot accept to lose such a challenge.

He is not proud that people call him thief, but he is proud and believes he has the skills to back up his many enrichment-plans

So the fact that you won against him for 3 times in a row is UNNACCEPTABLE under this dark, dark sky.

Mammon denies it all. ‘i went easy on you’; ‘I did it cuz you are happy when you win’ and ‘please, don’t you know who I am? I am THE Mammon!”

And while he is cute while bickering, sometimes it becomes unbearable.

So, you do what any normal human would: you challenge him by listing your biggest ‘heist’ ever.

“You don’t know who you are talking to! I have created a heist unlike any other! I have stolen a million souls so far! The DevilTV refers to me as – unstoppable soul collector!”

Levi left long ago so Mammon is standing there completely stunned with the stupidest look on his face so far. He kind of looks like a blowfish.

Still, he runs and puts a hand over your mouth and whispers:

“Don’t yell! We don’t want others to know that we run that business!”

Excuse him? Who is this –we- he speaks of?

“You will add your boyfriend to those plans, won’t you?”

Mammon will not let shock stand in the way of money or souls. You can explain to him how you managed that later but for now – just add him as your accomplice.

Satan:

You love your boyfriend.

You really, really do.

You love seeing him so excited and focused on finding clues to the newest Devildom mystery that you chose to let him have his fun by not telling him YOU were the one he was searching for.

And while you love him that much, you are about to ruin the whole game.

Why does he think it is appropriate to own 48 pairs of the same Sherlock Holmes outfit with THE UGLIEST MATCHING HATS YOU HAVE EVER LAID YOUR EYES ON.

First, he wore them in his ‘detective office’ only. Also known as the Lamentation house storage room for cleaning products. And that was fine, it was.

But then he started to wear them inside the house and in the garden. The saddest day was when a cat knocked the ugly hat off and ran away with it. Oh praise that cat! Praise the little paws!

However, he has gone too far.

He knows no bounds and shows no signs of stopping.

He started wearing the outfits OUTSIDE! In the middle of cobblestone paths of the main street while you were trying to have a nice date!

"Who knows where the soul snatching culprit could be hiding? I must wear this outfit everywhere to catch their clues. Trust me.”

That is it.

If one more iguana-looking-ass demon points their finger at you two and snickers as you walk past – he will have a rude wake up call.

How is it possible that he is trying to catch the culprit that is you but doesn’t pay any attention to you?

So, when you arrive home and he walks into the mop closet to add another unrelated photo to his crazy whiteboard as a clue – you tell him to sit down for a moment.

“Satan, honey, I have something to tell you about your soul snatching culprit.”

That definitely got his attention.

Finally! He is actually looking at you!

You lean down and gently kiss his head.

“I am the culprit you’re looking for. How does it feel to completely miss something right under your nose?”

He freezes up and throws a pen towards the whiteboard. It just bounces off and hits him in the back.

“You....you mean to tell me that,,, the biggest Devil Mystery TV phenomenon is ACTUALLY YOU?”

You are met with complete disbelief. Satan demands a detailed explanation on how you did it. He even tells you to use his whiteboard to retrace your steps!

...good luck...

Belphegor:

Will Belphegor ever actually publicly say that he has changed because of you? No.

Will he ever actually admit that to other brothers besides Beel when they’re talking in the late hours of the night in their room? Oh, absolutely not.

Will he tell you? Yes.

Yes but.. He will leave something out.

Sometimes Belphie looks at how you smile and remembers things that make him famous in this realm.

Yes, he is one of the most powerful demons and yes, he has a reputation of rebellion and the biggest steak of unattendance in RAD but

He is also a fairly famous scholar.

His papers and research are cited on the regular.

But when you smile and say a witty joke – he remembers that most of them focus around him proving just how dumb or naïve humans actually are.

But, you’re human and he hopes that you never see those.

Except that you do.

Because he is so famous it is no surprise that while looking for research papers to reference for your next assignment you saw his name while browsing through

And while you love him - you will not allow him to just diss the whole mankind.

So, you grab one of them from the library. Walk home, go to the attic while he is napping and open it up, putting it right on his face.

It takes a couple of seconds but he feels something is wrong and his hand reaches for it.

When he pulls it away, he is met with his thesis that was further developed from the seduction speech class assignment.

It sets it up as: ‘Seduction speech as a matter of blatant deception that humans always fall for but could never recreate.’

You are not even that mad at it to be honest.

But proving him wrong is always fun. And little does he know about your biggest secret ever.

“I will cut right to the chase and say – fix your bangs I want to see the way your eyes look when I tell you this!”

“I wonder who messed up my bangs with the academic paper in the first place?” is what he replies but his hand is already on his forehead.

“Whatever. Prepare to be amazed! I am the one the elders of the devildom are always ranting about on TV! Yes, I am the ‘pesky little human’ who is stealing away ‘edible’ souls! How is that for your thesis now? Is that not true deception?!”

He likes your smile still. You’re standing in front of the bed looking at him with sparkling eyes and clenched fists while striking a pose. It is silly really but he smiles.

Because you are.

And while he will ask you a bit more about that claim, he is just happy to know that maybe his next academic paper (which everyone eagerly awaits) will be tad more positive to your kind.

Diavolo:

You got an urgent call from Barbatos.

On the doorstep he told you that Diavolo needs you in his study.

What could you do that Barbatos can’t and will help Diavolo? Does such a thing even exist?

You walk inside of his office and are pretty sure Barbatos did not want to go inside because of the fact that a rat could be hiding under the mountain of papers that are all around the room.

Usually, Diavolo immediately stands up, lights up the room with his smile and stretches out his hands for a hug.

Now? He hears the doors open and looks at you with a weak smile while his head is resting on his elbows from behind the desk.

He has never looked worse.

“Barbatos said you called for me?”

You are unsure where to begin with this so you state a fact while thinking of questions to ask.

“He has? I have done no such thing?”

Great. Now both of you are confused.

“Can you tell me what is going on?”

Diavolo sighs and his smile is still nowhere to be seen.

“The elders have been so annoying lately. I understand that the biggest threat to the Devildom and everyone’s life here still has not been identified but there is nothing I can do except search!”

Just what threat is that? What could be making Diavolo so miserable?

“They keep comparing me to my father without actually offering any ways of fixing this!”

“I will try to offer some way if you tell me what the threat is!”

There you are, making a grand exclamation and promise while trying to avoid papers on the floor. Diavolo sighs again.

“A human is ruining our business! They somehow set up a page that allowed them to own souls by consent in some application under the terms and conditions. I mean, this has never happened before! Humans were never expected to think of that or have access to such means! And the name they used was fake. How am I supposed to find them and then burn them in the darkest pits of hell as the elders want me to?”

You stop trying to avoid the papers.

Did...did he just say darkest pits of hell? Did he just say the elders want YOU burned?!

How are you supposed to fix this? It was a fucking joke! You did not imagine this could ever happen!

“Diavolo you promised you would protect me no matter what, right?”

His eyes are serious when you say that. “Yes. I will. Is something amiss?”

“Diavolo.... I am the enemy your elders want to burn.. PLEASE DON’T LET THEM! MY SKIN JUST ADJUSTED TO THIS TEMPERATURE!”

Diavolo looks at you and laughs like never before. It is cute, it is childlike. His laugh finally lights up the room.

He thinks you are joking.

He thinks you are joking and abruptly stops once he realizes that you did not join in on the laugh.

You were just trying to crack a joke and make him feel better, right? There is no way that is true, right? But judging from your reaction he knows it is.

So, he grows serious once more.

He runs to embrace you.

“Please tell me you are willing to make a compromise because the elders do not care about how your skin adjusts to the temperature.”

[lemonlurkrr]

@aureateart​ ok. My favourite parts of twilight princess  (and some other random thoughts about TP sprinkled in there) taken from my monster TP word vomit google doc :

Link lmao

Ok but for real, I like this incarnation of Link :)

I love Ordon (it just seems like such a chill and cozy village)

ALSO love how easy it is to interpret Link as being a sort of older brother figure to the Ordon kiddos. It’s just,, super cute? AND GHHH nice nice good thanks nintendo for giving me characters to care about/characters that I can imagine Link caring about

He didn’t sign up for any of this (tbh, none of the Links really signed up for this jshdjsd). But I mean like, dude was just going to take a trip to castle town, drop a gift off for the royal family, and come back. But haHA oopsies he did get to castle town eventually but definitely not the way he expected hsjdhsd

He’s just a little dude?

AND FUCK. HE REALLY HAD NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE OF ORDON UNTIL ALL OF THAT

everything is new for the player AND Link

Midna

She’s cool :)

she really just

*teleports into your jail cell* hello whore.

I am no master at writing but AYYYY she do got a character arc!!!

She was actually pretty helpful sometimes, I ALWAYS checked in with her before turning to a game guide

Other NPCs

NICE

Love all of the TP character designs (ASHEI’S ARMOUR??? AOWOAOAOOAO)

Saving Zelda and all of Hyrule was important yea but thinking back maybe it was more like, the Ordonians and the kids were what was pushing Link to keep on going

I like the Resistance members :) Very video gamey of them to have one NPC assigned to each dungeon but hey!!! Kinda cool getting to see a little glimpse of each of em

Idk, it’s just fun to imagine Link popping into Telma’s bar after each dungeon and taking a little rest :) (or to celebrate? maybe just chat, idk, give this man some downtime!!)

Honestly it was just kind of nice that Link wasn’t entirely alone. I mean, I know Midna was there the whole time, but I am always for giving Link a big group of friends (see my love for hyrule warriors, age of calamity, and LU LMAO)

Hero’s shade, very very cool, kinda sad he died with regrets but HEY. He got to pass on his knowledge eventually

AND the connection to OoT?? AND assumed to be related by blood too????? GOOD SHIT

Ilia, I REALLY really wanted to like her (er, it’s not like I dislike her, she’s just,,, kinda there for me).

It definitely seems like Nintendo was pushing to make her the romantic interest, but GHHHHH they really threw that out of the window for me by having her lose her memories

I saw a text post a while ago that said it would have been interesting if Ilia was Link’s sister instead and YES!! That would have been cool too :0

Wish we got to know Zelda a little more

I feel like we barely know anything about her

Idk man, like I said earlier, I never really had any sort of drive to save Zelda during my playthroughs

She obviously knows Midna, so maybe if they gave us just a little bit more of that relationship I’d be more interested in her?

TP WORLD BUILDINGGGG

Botw has good world building too, but each race felt kinda,,, isolated? I absolutely love the different architecture and vibe each town has (and all the the weapons too) but ghhh yea everyone felt so separated. As far as I can remember, we don’t see tooo much of the races interacting with each other? Now that I’m typing that out maybe that’s to be expected because of the calamity but KLSJDKJFD ANYWAYS THIS IS ABOUT TP

The world feels nice and alive, love how populated everything is

Castle town I like castle town a lot, it feels dense and busy and I really like how you can’t talk to every NPC you see

Very cool very fun that we got to see the Gorons hanging out in multiple spots

kinda wish we got to see the Zoras a little more (I guess they are a bit limited since they need water but GHHHH the tp zoras are so prebby,,)

BUT HEY, I do remember seeing a zora or two hanging out in the hot springs around death mountain after beating the lakebed temple (I think, might have been a different dungeon) 

but aaaa would have been nice to see them in at least a couple of other places. I think it would have really added to the “congrats Link!! You’re restoring peace to Hyrule” feeling you get from seeing the Gorons hanging out in Kakariko and Castle Town

ORDON

Love how chill it is and how it’s kind of separate from Hyrule proper

They really do seem to be doing their own thing apart from the rest of Hyrule

Just kinda adds onto the “he’s just a regular dude minding his own business” kind of vibes I get from TP Link

Also I like Ordona :)

THE LIGHT SPIRITS,,

Love their design

And love how they’re not exactly like a pure white?

Different spirit representing each aspect of the triforce my beloved

But yes hi I think Ordona is very cool

Who are you, how did you get here, which goddess do you represent? Do you even represent one of the three golden goddesses? Do the Ordonians know about you? Have any of them ever SEEN you??? Do they worship you? Does anybody even know about the existence of the light spirits?? FUCK so many questions but ghhh I like how they broke the status quo a bit by throwing in a fourth spirit :)

I feel like this one is kinda weird but I like that voice sample they used in the light spirit music. It’s spooky and pretty at the same time :)  

cutscenes mmmmm

Ok ok, the spooky lanayru cutscene is very good

BUT THE “Link, Chosen Hero! Lend us the last of your power!” CUTSCENE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM LOVE IT SO MUCH

IT just

Idk man

It just hit different

I like the music

And seeing the light spirits swimming around in the light juice water whatever it is

Summoning the light arrows?

AND HHHHH “Lend us the last of your power!” THIS IS IT. This is the final battle.

Seeing Zelda bow down, and then Link putting his hand out 👌👌👌

Link: ok bud, let’s do this together :)

Connection to OoT (did I already mention this? Maybe., Whatever)

Very cool nintendo :)

I love seeing connections between all the diff zelda games.

Because like, on one hand, they’re all separate from each other because of yknow, individual hero stuff. BUT ALSO, they’re all connected because of the reincarnation stuff

Grrrr walking through the sacred grove and going “The Hero of Time walked around here a long time ago” FUCK THATS SO COOL

Is the Hero’s Shade watching me? What does he think of me? DIsappointed? Proud? The Hero of Time went through HELL so this timeline didn’t have to deal with any of the shit Ganon was gonna pull with the triforce, better not fuck this UP Link!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Midlink is cute

Kinda hurts that she smashed the mirror but that was probably so Nintendo didn’t have to worry about people going “but what about the twili??????” for any of the other games LMAO

BUT ALSO LIKE SKJDKLJFJ There are some pretty massive plot holes in TP anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever it’s fine we’ll just use this for angst because GOD do y’all like angst

So is Shadlink

Honestly don’t know where this ship came from but it’s cute so whatever

THE MUSIC??

Love Midna’s theme and how they referenced the dark world theme from ALttP (I remember trying to learn the dark world theme on the piano and doing the Leonardo DiCaprio point meme at the little jingle I recognized from Midna’s theme)

Hyrule field theme SLAPS.

Apparently references a couple of the other over-world themes from the previous zelda games (I got this from 8-bit Music theory’s video on the over-world zelda themes, he talks about TP at around 11:40 but def recommend watching the whole video if you’re into music analysis stuff)

So there’s this bit of the Hyrule Field theme, I don’t know the official name for it but I remember seeing somewhere it being called the “at an advantage theme” since yeah, you hear it during the boss music whenever you expose their weak points. FUCKINGGG LOVE THAT. Didn’t notice it during my first playthrough, but hearing it during my second was like a little easter egg for my ears every time :)

Midna’s lament is very pretty (and fun to play on the piano)

COURAGE THEME.

I didn’t care for it too much when I started playing the game but hearing it in ZREO’s arrangement of the Hyrule Field theme literally makes me turn into a puddle of emotions. Also hearing it around and of the Ordon kids (I think it plays after Link saves Colin) AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Orchestra piece #1 and #2 HOLY SHIT???????????????? 

Literally, the first time I listened to those I just,,,, plugged in my headphones, volume 100, layed on the floor/against my desk and silently vibed. I don’t know what the hell it is, but those two just fit so well with TP?? I still avoid listening to them nowadays cause if I DO I definitely will get overwhelmed with the “god I love this game so FUCKING MUCH” kind of feels.

Wolf link sucks at singing

the first time I heard him howling Zelda’s Lullaby I lost my shit because LKSJLDKSGLKJFSKG god that was.,, Bad. Anyways, hearing him howl some of the songs from OoT was cute :)

TP STAFF ROLL??? 

VERY GOOD. IT’s like 10 minutes long and GOD do I love every single second of it. It doesn’t have the same energy as the skyward sword staff roll or the orchestra pieces but GOD does it hit good??

Nice and calm after that big exciting adventure. Maybe it would have been more fun or emotional to have a higher energy piece but it was really nice getting to sit back and watch the camera fly around Hyrule. Seeing like, the Gorons and the Zoras having a good time, the kids returning to Ordon? GOOD SHIT.

and AAAAA that end, when you hear the main Zelda theme and see Link riding off out of Faron woods on Epona… good shit. It gets you thinking, where the hell is he going? What is he doing? Off ot do more adventuring? Going to help out the resistance or something? Going to help Zelda? Or maybe he’s trying to figure out a way to restore the mirror of twilight? Whoooo knows.

hhHHHHhhh it’s just that final reminder that YES!!! YOU JUST PLAYED A ZELDA GAME. JUST ANOTHER STORY APART OF THE WHOLE EPIC OF THE ZELDA SERIES AS A WHOLE

I also want to acknowledge the instrument/samples they used for all the twili stuff.

They’re all just so unique and contrast SO well with the rest of the TP OST. LIKE FUCK!! Anytime I hear the screech from the Twilit Kargarok? Sends a shiver down my spine. I associate those sounds SO strongly with the twili realm. (Like, the same way you associate the BSHEWW VVWWMMM sounds with light sabers)

I love it so god damn much

literally any time there’s a certain sound or motif associated with something I lose my shit

Sacred grove sacred grove sacred gro-

lovely lovely lovely so much fun playing that on the piano. AND again, I did the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme when I heard the theme from the lost woods come in GHHHHHHHH

shoutout to TP Faron Woods for helping me study and get through all of my schoolwork

BLEGUUHHH can you tell that I really love music?

and also yea I guess TP is kinda cool too :\

IF YOU READ ALL OF THAT THANKS I GUESS

[thealexchen]

Highlights of the Katy and Erika Q&A

Link to the Q&A! https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1161022793 

- Erika’s first audition with a scene partner was with Han Soto (Gabe)! Neither of them had gotten their parts yet, but Han still called “I’ll see you on set!” over his shoulder as he was leaving. Erika also said that he was a wonderful mentor figure and also someone who gave her a lot of shit, like an older brother would.

- THEY ANSWERED MY QUESTION!!! 😭 I had asked, "Since you were working on this game for several years, how do you think your performance or skills as an actor changed over time as you got to know your character better?"

Erika explained that in an early callback, she had to act out Gabe’s death scene and got into the moment by imagining that her little brother Evan had died. Later on she realized that it wasn’t healthy or sustainable to go to such dark places mentally over and over: “It's great to bring your lived experience in but not at the at the level of sacrificing your own health.” She later referred to the Lucid Body Technique invented by a dancer named Fay Simpson that she learned while on an acting retreat in Creed, CO (”Fun fact, Creed is actually a small mining town that was saved by theater!”). Instead of calling up traumatic memories, Erika focused on where that emotion “lives” in her body, accessed them safely, and was able to bring herself back to the present moment. Katy also mentioned she studied the technique in college. All super interesting stuff!

- Han pulled so many pranks on set that Webb (performance director) and Corwin (mocap producer) forced him to limit it to “one prank per day... on Erika.” He managed to jumpscare her every time and when she tried to get him back, “He didn’t even blink. I was like ‘What the fuck is going on?”

- Alex evolved a lot over the course of writing the game. Apparently the first iteration of Alex was a lot more like Chloe-- very bitter, brittle and with a lot of repressed anger-- but that got softened as they developed Alex’s power and as Erika brought more of herself to the performance.

- Apparently Gabe’s death scene was fun to film because when Gabe got knocked off the cliff, Erika got pulled in a sled to simulate Alex being pulled toward the edge while tied to Gabe. So they did a million takes of that and Erika just got to sit in a sled. Meanwhile Katy was at a butterfly garden down the street.

- Another fun scene (apparently) was when Alex fell down the mineshaft at the end of chapter 4 and the beginning of chapter 5, as Erika describes: “They basically rigged me up to a swing, like a sex swing-- not a sex swing. I mean, I walked in and I think that was my first question. I was like ‘Is that a sex swing? What are we filming today? I didn’t get these scripts.’” Cue the chat going insane.

What actually happened was she hung onto a board and two pulleys dropped on either side of her so she fell onto a crash pad. Apparently Webb practiced before and “really bruised the shit out of his ribs.”

- The “The crowd is really picking up on my energy. Haaaaa we love you Alex! Haaaaa Steph sucks!” line during the foosball game was entirely improvised by Erika, just having fun on set. Erika also admits she’s very chatty and just enjoyed getting to know her castmates so that they were already all friends when they acted together.

- Webb sent Han and Erika on a day trip to Idaho Springs early in production to bond and of course Han suggested they go gambling (Erika added, “Which of course is something that Gabe would do! Like ‘Let’s go do something sinful.”) They also played with Han’s drone. Katy went to see one of Erika’s plays in Colorado!

- When asked about what Erika would do if she had Alex’s powers: “I think it would be a cool power too because there’s so much covering that happens with all of us in social settings and professional settings. And being able to have insight into what’s really going on would probably create the need to be a much a kinder, generous, forgiving person, which are things that I’m always working on. I don’t think you could not become that.”

- Erika on Asian representation in True Colors: "[Alex is] not the best friend, she's not the tiger mom, she's her own fully realized, three dimensional person with flaws and goals and dreams and things she wished she could do over again. And I think that, for me, as somebody who grew up not seeing people who looked like me in movies-- and that's why Lucy Liu was such a fucking huge deal-- but the fact that D9 didn't do it in a tropey way was incredible. I know how important that Alex is a woman of color. She doesn't fit the mold of typical video game female bodies either, which I think is amazing."

- Erika lowkey hated the mocap suits. She couldn’t understand why Katy didn’t mind them and said “Katy. Katy. Katy.” “No it was so comfy it was like I was in my jammies!” “I remember you said that and I was like ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?! This is not comfortable!’”

- Erika’s advice to aspiring creatives: “Don’t let the fear of being bad at something stop you.”

- E: “I feel like I've been talking a lot" K: “This is your interview!" E: “Yeah I know but your voice is better.” K: “What?! MA’AM. MA’AM??”

- When Erika and Katy talk about teleportation as a superpower: “Or like when you wake up in the middle of the night and you have to pee, like ‘Should I just pee my pants? Or should I walk to the-- it’s just so far.”

- When Erika mentioned she grew up with a Golden Retriever the chat went “RYAN THE GOLDEN RETRIEVER”

- Erika’s closing remarks: I cannot wait for y’all to play the DLC because Wavelengths is gonna be the shit. And I’m gonna tell you why! Because it’s all about Steph! Which means it’s all about Katy! It’s gonna be so fucking good you guys. It’s gonna be beautiful. It’s gonna be funny. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll want to live in Haven Springs even more. You’ll want to marry Katy Bentz. What more could you ask for?? K: Could you be my hype woman forever please?