#i just went looking for and found video of the fantastic moment at the concert

[carcarrot]

oh yea concert review . two!

[viir-tanadhal]

it's been a few weeks since your PSB concert! How has it been, like, every now and then remembering "whoa i was there!" and listening to songs on your phone and going "hey they played this live!" Have you found pictures & videos online that reminded you of something that you forgot happened? Pls pls pls tell us about the concert, idc if "that happened a while ago get over it" i would love to hear it!!! They're your favorites

thanks for asking david!!!

putting under read more because i have a lot to say

well first of all I'll say my sense of time has totally gotten messed up since the concert (I can't believe it's already been over 2 weeks since the concert, September went by so slowly and now October is going so FAST)

firstly I'll say the drive to Minneapolis and the hotel and the weather was fantastic! it was my second time going to Minneapolis and my mom's first time. we got there early a couple hours before the doors opened for the show so we could walk around and not worry about getting to the city on time or the hotel room not being ready, traffic, etc. so we stopped by a record store and then walked to the minneapolis institute of art which turned out to be a good idea because while we were there I GOT A NOTIFICATION THAT PSB HAD POSTED A PHOTO THAT THEY WERE THERE TOO!!! We probably totally missed them by an hour or so but I'm still thinking about how wild it could have been if I had actually seen Neil there in-person. I wouldn't have said anything to him but it just would’ve been surreal you know? So that's going to always be a very memorable part of the trip for me and my mom and I took a photo in the place where he had in the institute (I’m not sure if it was him and Chris or if he was with their programmer Pete but if it had been Neil and Chris it would have been even more like. yeah ok cool yup.)

As for the concert, this was my first ever concert, so I don't really have anything to compare it to. The Armory was a really cool venue and since pet shop boys were first and my mom and I were general admission I wanted to be close to the stage but not too close it'd be hard to take photos of the whole stage set up. Having to stand around for 2 hours before the performance actually started was a bit tiresome but it was worth it getting a good spot.

As for the actual performances. I went in knowing of course psb's set list and how the whole thing looks and what parts i wanted to take photos and videos of. But it was a really different experience watching videos and looking at pictures online and actually experiencing it live. Neil sounded fantastic - his voice was perfect right from the start on Suburbia, and the screen rising to reveal them as the music swelled and built was one of the most exciting moments of my life. It was also interesting watching Chris in real life too. Neil has commented on how Chris exudes this kind of "coolness" because of how he concentrates on playing and reading the sheet music on his monitor and I definitely understood what he meant from seeing it in person. It was also fun being able to distinctly hear what bits Chris was playing live and watching him play.

The thing about Neil that I sometimes make fun of is he can be a little awkward or look funny with how he does his choreographed hand gestures but I really didn't think that at all while watching him. Everything was really smooth and they both had such an aura of confidence just standing on stage alone for the first bit of their performance. I don't know how to really describe it but there's a clear sense of artistry and purpose in them standing together on stage that it doesn't look boring or stale but like a live performance piece. And even when Neil starts moving around and playing up being a showman and performer to the audience, he has this cool confidence and fluidity to his movements that's incredibly engaging.

I also love their live band!!! Afrika, Clare, and Simon add a ton of energy and vibrancy to the staging and I really like that because of the shiny fringe of their outfits, it makes them playing their instruments in the back part of the visual spectacle.

Which, I have to say, Tom Scutt has done a phenomenal job with the design of this tour. I was curious about how this tour would look because since 2006 they’ve worked with the designer Es Devlin for all of their tours. I do like her designs and it’s not as if she recycled the same ideas or concepts for the previous tours but I did look forward to seeing how someone new would tackle visually conveying the songs. Plus, Es has already had to design many of the songs on this tour previously, so having someone whose never had to design or come up with a visual look for a particular song before I think was a good idea to at least introduce a new perspective and look on the songs.

I think the main thing, seeing as the set and setlist is a condensed version of their Dreamworld/Greatest Hits tour, is having to grapple with nostalgia and legacy. It would have been easy just to rely on the nostalgia factor and reuse previous looks or visuals or ideas for the songs to cash in on the nostalgic look of those songs. And they do that to an extent but in such a way that repurposes it and makes something new. For example, for a few of the songs, the back visual projection is the music video for that song, but it’s edited and redone in such a way that you recognize it’s the music video but it’s still an entirely new video art piece (the most obvious of these was Rent and West End Girls from what I recall). So while elements of the main performance draw on previous looks and some callbacks, it was still something new.

In terms of the live versions of the songs on this tour, there wasn’t too many that were exactly new mixes of the songs, but there were notable changes. On Rent, for the version on Actually, Neil sings it much higher and on the line “When you’re lying next to me” he goes up a note mid-way through the phrase. However, and he started this with the 2006 version of Rent he sings on the Concrete live album and that they did on their Fundamental tour, he keeps the line on one note throughout the same way it is for Liza Minnelli’s cover/version of Rent. And I really much prefer that change so i’m so happy it’s that way for this tour. Plus the way he sang “I’m your puppet / I love it” was soooooooooooooooo GOOD.

Love Comes Quickly is also pretty changed - it’s pretty similar to the Super Tour version of LCQ but injected with more atmosphere and ambience and oomph to it, it sounds gorgeous, AND THE STAGING OF IT WITH NEIL WALKING SLOWLY ACROSS IN FRONT OF THE GRADIENT OF THE SCREEN WITH BLUES AND PINKS AND PURPLES AND YELLOWS OMG. definitely definitely one of my favorite parts of the whole show omg it’s outstanding. It’s a Sin sounded amazing live, I was genuinely shocked by how utterly amazing Dreamland sounded live as well, definitely was like an elevated version of the studio version. 

Another part I really liked was that at various points, Chris’ voice segues songs. So for example, I know at certain parts he says the lyrics of Suburbia, Decide, Paninaro, and Go West. I thought that was a great way to include his voice into the performance and draws on iconic moments where he does spoken bits in songs.

It was also fun to watch him during Vocal - he was bouncing all over the place and clearly was enjoying himself and playing the song. Given that Neil has commented that he wrote the lyrics for Vocal in a way that he knows Chris likes, it was nice to see Chris clearly loving the song :)

The highlight of course really is the encore. This is where they focus in on the nostalgia but they don’t do it cheaply or lazily. Neil comes on in a long black coat reminiscent of the one he wears in the West End Girls video - it isn’t an exact replica, it has a much different style and fit, but it gives a modern twist on the timelessness and iconic aesthetic of that original Stephen Linard coat he wore. The same goes for Chris - he comes out in his classic look with the Boy hat, gray hoodie, and black leather jacket, but all are distinctly modern and contemporary takes on his West End Girls Top of the Pops look. I just love the visual implications of them returning to that iconic look of theirs with the song but showing how it fits so easily into a modern visual landscape of fashion and aesthetic with the dichotomy of posh and rough. 

For West End Girls, the screen comes back down as the stage hands wheel back out the giant street lamps. I’ve failed to mention up to this point how cool of a prop they are. A lot of early PSB has a film noir kind of feel to the songs, especially WEG, and they love to channel an urban aesthetic and soundscape within their songs, and I think the street lamps are a good iconographic and physical and visual manifestation of that. Before Neil and Chris come on stage, the screen is largely dark, but the start of a modified version of the start of West End Girls along with Shep Pettibone’s remix of it comes on, drawing out excitement as the screen flashes with white symbols and photos and eventually Neil and Chris’ faces respectively in time with the drum beats and the rising STRINGSSSS. it gave me literal goosebumps and even rewatching a video of it still gives me them - it’s so amazingly done it’s SOOOO !!!! I like how the screen is segmented into rectangles to resemble in my opinion that 80s look of several televisions stacked together where each screen assembles a whole picture.so you get that effect of at times all of them combine together to create a whole picture across the whole screen but also you have different parts and one screen has one bit of a photo that’s disconnected from the rest, etc. I also like the intercuts of footage from the West End Girls music video and various other elements such as a neon sign saying “Sex Shop”, various other shop signs, and footage of people on the street. It all assembles that feeling of the song of it happening as a person walks down a seedy part of London in the West End in the early 80s at night hearing snippets of various conversations (it all reminds me as well of Soft Cell’s Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret album cover aesthetic that PSB were inspired by).

And then it all ends on Being Boring. my favorite song by them and probably ultimately my favorite song of all time. The back projection displays a never-ending street illuminated by seemingly an infinite amount of street lamps that aligns with the ones Neil and Chris stand under. it’s incredibly moving combined with the meaning of the song being about those who have passed and are no longer with us, especially with how it directly is about the impact of the AIDS crisis and Neil losing his best friend and then many others he knew because of it. but i also like that while the song is sad, there is still a hopeful ring to it that even though they are gone, you can still look back fondly on them and the memories you have with them, and that they were friends you could rely on, which hits harder by ending their performance on Neil singing “We were always hoping that / looking back / you could always rely on a friend”. it’s an emotional ending but a good one.

I don’t have any previous PSB concerts i’ve been to to compare this to but personally I thought it was fantastic and so glad I got to see it live.

Highlights for PSB were Suburbia, Rent, Left to My Own Devices, Love Comes Quickly, It’s a Sin, West End Girls, and Being Boring.

The only bits I feel that less people were engaged with were when they did I Don’t Know What You Want But I Can’t Give It Anymore, Losing My Mind, and Dreamland, but mainly because i feel people didn’t know them as well. I loved them all though, I just think that IDK could have been a bit better as it kind of lacked the strings it has that really elevates it, but another fan I spoke to said they might have dropped them so it flowed better into So Hard, which makes sense, but it kind of brought the song down a peg.

Also I absolutely am sad that because they had to condense the Dreamworld setlist, I didn’t get to hear Single-Bilingual, Jealousy, Drunk, or Monkey Business live :(

OK. now for bonus new order ramblings sldkfjadf

New Order have been changing up their setlist across the various dates and I didn’t watch too many videos ahead of seeing them so I went in a lot more blind than for PSB. during the intermission my mom and i went to get drinks so we were further back when we saw New Order so I couldn’t see the stage as well as PSB while watching them. Still though New Order were incredible too - it was a great contrast with Pet Shop Boys as they had a much more conventional rock show set up to their staging as they had everyone one stage and playing instruments and there weren’t any costume changes or theatricality like PSB had. However, that just speaks to how New Order are and how they perform and it’s interesting seeing how they perform songs that foundationally come from the same inspirations of electronic dance music as PSB, just from a different angle. Regret was a great opener and I’d heard Bernard sometimes needed to get through a few songs for his voice to really warm up but I thought he sounded great right away! Obviously Bernard isn’t the best singer in the world and fumbles a little but it didn’t take away at all from the experience and I expected it so i wasn’t disappointed or anything like that.

New Order had a great energy and their setlist really was full-on. As I said, Regret was great and so was Age of Consent. Another difference with New Order and their set up was that they had LASERS. and they REALLY used them. The lasers were used to sync up with musical bits in the songs and i thought they were used really well visually and I noticed it a lot with Your Silent Face and it was cool to hear Bernard playing the melodica live. The visuals of the beach for Your Silent Face too were really beautiful and scenic. Their projections were much more a mixture of scenic and graphic design based in comparison to PSB’s.

I’m so glad we got the setlist where they played sub-culture as i really like it and it sounded great live! Bizarre Love Triangle was also amazing and I’m also glad they played plastic because it’s my favorite from their last album music complete and it was also really good live as well. 

Hearing Blue Monday live as an Experience. The way all of the elements come together and then that bass line and the synth line come in and the Kraftwerk sample....... oh my god it was phenomenal. They really do deserve to be proud of how good Blue Monday is and it absolutely sounds like what the best-selling 12 inch record of all time would sound like. I also liked near the end when Bernard shuffles over to Gillian and plays on the keyboard and kind of butts her out of the way to play - it was funny and very much them.

my only issue with new order’s performance was true faith. Everything else sounded great but i still thought maybe it was the acoustics that messed up the song and not the mixing because honestly true faith didn’t really sound like..... true faith. it lacked the distinct elements of it that make it stand out and sounded muddied in comparison to the other songs. I genuinely did not realize it was true faith until i really listened to the lyrics bernard was singing so that wasn’t good. that was the only song that I felt wasn’t as good as the others, which is a shame because it was a big hit, and i love true faith.

For the Joy Division encore, they played Decades first at mine. I’m not as familiar with Decades so I can’t really speak on the song all that much but i did like the video and photos they had inserted of Ian Curtis during it. And then of course they end on Love Will Tear Us Apart. Bernard sang Ian’s lyrics really well and you can tell they still love their JD songs and want to do them justice playing them live. The bass and synth on LWTUA were particularly amazing and those are the most distinctive and best parts of the song imo so i’m glad that they sounded just perfect live.

For New Order, they definitely emphasized the bass in their mixing for the songs, and it was loud and heavy and great, especially as the acoustics in the venue were really good i thought. it wasn’t too oppressive but just enough to show off.

Highlights for NO were Regret, Age of Consent, Your Silent Face, Sub-Culture, BLT, Plastic, Blue Monday, Temptation, and Love Will Tear Us Apart

Overall both were really good and I’m so glad I got to see them both live and for my first ever concert!!! It’s definitely a memory I will always cherish, I just wish the night hadn’t gone by so fast. But I’m happy with all the photos I got and videos and the T-shirt I bought and my mom thought it was great too.

Also unrelated but the lemonade I had during intermission was the best lemonade I’ve ever had so that’s a bonus

[slipping-through-my-fingertips]

Music for the Soul

Summary: Soulmate AU where the song your soulmate is thinking of gets stuck in your head. 

This fic is inspired by and gifted to @yellowpaintpots.

Notes:  canonical, this is S2 E6 and a little beyond but it’s not exactly like the show obviously.

AO3

Kurt Hummel was used to not fitting in. At McKinley High, he was often an odd man out. He did partner projects alone, he held his tongue around bullies and had no one to complain to, and most days, he had an entire lunch table to himself. No one sat with the kid in weird, homemade clothes unless there was no other choice. 

What kept him going was music. He had one earbud in as he walked down the halls. Choosing from playlists his mother used to listen to, Broadway soundtracks sung by people still performing on stage today, and to the thrill of his father, rock classics. If Burt Hummel had passed anything onto his son, it was his music tastes and the fantastical idea of soulmates. 

The image of a white knight coming to save him by serenade was one that haunted him before he fell asleep. A boy, which little eleven-year-old Kurt held close to his heart, picked out by the universe meant just for him. Even when he started to find the fantasy a little too cheesy, it kept Kurt going until he found the glee club.

No one could touch him or change him because there was someone out there who would love him exactly the way he was. 

The New Directions were a hot mess when they started, of course. The 5 of them weren’t winning any competitions when they first found themselves in the choir room but they were five misfits who finally had friends. People who understood the passion of music and an adult who shared that same passion and would hopefully guide them to their dream futures. 

Just months later, they became a mixture of a dozen sophomores and freshmen with a Sectionals win under their belt all ready to face the Dalton Academy Warblers in a few weeks. With Regionals looming over them, glee had become much messier than usual. With plenty of in-fighting about solos and song choices, the choir room was always a jumbled, loud mess. That is until Mr. Schue came up with the idea for a school musical. It was taking their minds off of Regionals for the time being.

Kurt was all too happy to be auditioning for a role instead of sitting in the back row wishing he had a shot at a solo. His voice was too unique for Ohio. But someday, he knew, it would get him to Broadway. He held that thought close to his heart while tuning out Rachel’s insistence bickering.  

Yesterday, Mr. Schue had decided their school musical was going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Kurt loved cult classics as much as the next person but he wasn’t sure how Mr. Schue had gotten this approved by Figgins. It seemed too risqué for high schoolers. 

He only hoped whoever his soulmate was enjoying the soundtrack he had stuck in his head this week. 

Kurt planned on auditioning for Riff Raff. Already putting mental outfits from his closet to wear. The wound of Mr. Schue assuming he’d play Frank N. Furter based solely on the fact that he was gay was still fresh but his audition was going to blow everyone away. 

He had chosen ��Dammit Janet” for his audition despite it being a Brad and Janet duet. Quinn, who was hoping for Magenta, was going to be his partner. They had joked about the main roles already being off the table before auditions; it was clear Mr. Schue had chosen Finn and Rachel for the leads. It was hard to be upset when Quinn had instantly offered to do a joint audition with him. Their voices went so well together and Kurt liked spending time with her. 

Ever since Kurt and Mercedes had their stint as Cheerios, they had gotten closer. The three of them even had a weekend sleepover this past Saturday. Mercedes had dumped the Cheerios but Kurt stayed on and Quinn had just gotten back on the squad after her dismissal last year. Coach Sue had them sing during practice last week and Quinn was waiting for him after their showers with the suggestion of a double audition song. 

They had been having rehearsals in the auditorium during their shared free period and twice after glee club on days when it wasn’t already reserved. As the day came closer, Quinn offered her house to practice in since her parents were rarely home and so Finn wouldn’t become Rachel's spy. Though, Kurt assured her Finn was much too engrossed in video games to bother with their rehearsals. 

Since they increased their run-throughs, Kurt’s had one song in his head all morning. In case the lyrics weren’t already ingrained into his head, he had his own little concert in his head. Just after lunch, that changed. A mere 3 hours until his audition after school his soulmate’s music had taken root. As much as Kurt was willing to bow down to the queens of pop, what he wouldn’t give for 5 minutes of something other than Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream”. This bubble gum pop song had gone from ‘oh, that’s a good song to scream in the car’ to ‘if I hear it one more time, I’ll rip my ears off’ fairly quickly. 

It hadn’t helped that his brain went from one song on repeat to another. 

As he sits in geometry, he tries to hear Mr. Finnegan’s explanation of arcs but his brain has other plans. 

Let you put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans. 

Kurt knows it’s just a song but the image is so clear in his head. 

Smooth, soft skin. Obviously, someone who used lotions regularly, Kurt expected nothing less from his soulmate. Neatly trimmed fingernails so they wouldn’t catch on Kurt’s pants when fingers trailed up to cup his knee. The grip would be teasingly light. He never let his fantasies get too far. Especially outside the privacy of his bedroom. In all honesty, even when he was alone in his bed at night envisioning the same kind of scenario, Kurt didn’t really know what came next. He wasn’t even sure what kissing really entailed. 

What if his soulmate is ready for...certain things...Kurt’s not even to verbalize yet. What if he’s imagining their first meeting very differently then Kurt, who’s hopeful they’ll have coffee or a meal together before they do anything besides maybe hand-holding. The touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets, unless you ask Katy Perry it seems. 

He spends the rest of math wondering what the boy with Katy Perry in his head must look like. Kurt wonders if his soulmate wears bright colors like his idol or maybe Katy is a secret shame that he’ll only share with Kurt. 

…

Blaine liked fitting in. He enjoyed the uniform for many reasons. One, he thought the blazer looked stylish. It was also nice knowing what you had to wear every day, one less thing to worry about people judging you for. Plenty of people at his old school picked on him for his bow ties but at Dalton, everyone had neckwear. The standard blue and red striped tie. He liked how neat it was; there was a certain way to wear said uniform. 

Everyone was the same here. No typical hierarchy of jocks and cheerleaders. Only the Warblers stood out simply because everyone knew them. 

How could you forget a group of boys singing acapella at all hours of the day?

 Blaine might joke that they’re teenage rockstars but really they are just a group of talented guys who liked to sing. 

The Warblers were the first real friends he ever had. 

When he was still attending public school he held tightly to the idea of his soulmate since it seemed hopeless to wish for friendship. Not when he was being harassed for a sexuality he wasn’t sure of yet and being pushed to the ground in the parking lot for it. 

But a soulmate was a guarantee. Everyone had one. By the time Blaine reached eighth grade, he knew. All of those middle school bullies had used words Blaine didn’t quite understand until that moment. 

He was surrounded in the parking lot after school having missed his bus because someone had stuck gum in his curls during last period. That was the day Blaine started to seriously consider investing in some gel. Maybe that would prevent some bullying. Anyway, he was surrounded, being literally kicked around by a group of soccer players and friends. 

Other students had gathered to watch the so-called fight but Blaine thought their chants would only grab the attention of a teacher or so he hoped. No one came quickly. He had enough injuries by the end for his mom to insist on a trip to the ER. A big black eye and sprained his wrist along with plenty of bruising on his limbs. 

But he honestly didn’t remember getting hurt beyond the initial pushing to the ground. When the bullying got bad like this he pulled out those daydreams. This time around it wasn’t this blurry image of hand holding, there was a boy. Blaine hadn’t seen his face but his voice was soft and comforting, inviting Blaine in. There was an outstretched hand just out of reach for Blaine to take. Blaine knew then. His soulmate was a boy. 

When everything was over and he was being released by the doctor, all he knew was there was some boy built perfectly for Blaine just waiting to be found. Waiting for him. 

He hadn’t even been upset by his injuries because he was sitting with these thoughts of ‘how do I come out to my parents?’ 

Instead of deciding that day, he kept those daydreams close to his heart for the next year and a half. Until the issue of high school came out and Blaine didn’t want to go back to public school. To his surprise, both of his parents took it well. They were more concerned for his safety than his sexuality. Together, they decided on Dalton. A private school with a zero tolerance policy for bullies. That was that. 

He still had his doubts at Dalton. Was he really good enough to be a lead soloist let alone go onto Broadway someday? Could he make it out of Ohio? In those moments, Blaine still came back to his soulmate. Someone, no matter what came, Blaine would have by his side. 

When he imagined his soulmate, Blaine could never truly figure out what he’d look like. All he saw was that outstretched hand. Usually, people could draw up a picture in their heads based on the music they heard. 

For Blaine, the genre of music didn’t help. His soulmate was clearly someone with mixed taste. 

Today’s selection was...a musical. Blaine wasn’t familiar with the characters Brad and Janet but he had looked it up at lunch. Some kind of cult classic people went to see in the weeks leading up to Halloween. It was October so it made sense for the soundtrack to be stuck in his soulmate’s head. Blaine wondered if he had gone to see it, wondered who he saw it with. 

The Warblers thought he was crazy. Imagining that his soulmate was off with some other person. It was rare to date seriously before meeting a soulmate but Blaine always told them the same story of his parents. Both of them had been in very serious relationships before they met. Hell, his mother had been engaged. Neither of them thought they’d meet their soulmate, which was also fairly rare but had happened.  

When they met, they didn’t drop everything to be together. The wedding was put on hold but his father hadn’t broken up with his girlfriend right away. His parents wanted to be together only if they agreed with the universe’s choice. 

Blaine knew his dad had been wary of his mother’s music taste. Pam had been deep into her metal phrase in her early twenties. His dad, Robert, was not a fan. He loved classical music. Forever dooming Pam to hum music without lyrics meanwhile Robert was cursed with “nonsense yelling” as he called it. Lucky, both of their music tastes had shifted over the years to have more overlap. Though, Blaine and Cooper had been subjected to dinners with a mixtape of Def Leppard and Bach. 

They got together in the end, which was the important part, but what if they hadn’t chosen each other? What if Blaine’s soulmate was deeply in love with someone else and he’d spend the rest of his days loveless and alone?

When he voiced these thoughts aloud, his friends usually told him what a downer he could be, which tended to shake those fears away. If his parents, different as they were, still fell in love it would happen to him too. It was just a matter of when. 

…

The next day at lunch, Mercedes was fretting over her soulmate. 

“What if he’s super young, Kurt?” 

“What makes you think that?” He asked, stabbing his salad. 

“He’s got The Backyardigans theme song in his head again,” she sighed. “He got to be like 7. I’m just not comfortable with that.” 

“It’s an age gap for sure,” Kurt agreed, but he’s fairly sure Sam Evans was singing that song after PE today, “or maybe he just has younger siblings. Don’t let your only-childness cloud your judgment.”

She hummed in agreement and pushed her tater tots around. 

It was sort of a hard way to figure out your soulmate unless they were obvious about what music they had playing in their heads.

Some people, like Mr. Schue, we’re pretty obvious. He had been singing in the auditorium when Ms. Pillsbury found him. It was a pretty clear-cut match. As far as Mercedes was concerned, Kurt is sure she’ll overhear Sam’s humming soon enough. 

He doesn’t want to spoil anything for his best friend nor does he want to be wrong. Soulmate meetings only come once in a lifetime. 

Well, the first soulmate meeting that is. 

There are plenty of people, like his dad, who lose a soulmate too soon and are gifted another one later in life. Kurt was so happy when he introduced Burt and Carole at parent-teacher conferences. They had just been listening to the Wicked soundtrack in the car ride over and Carole Hudson did not strike Kurt as the type of person who knew “I’m Not That Girl” by heart. 

“Are you nervous about auditions?” Mercedes asked. “The list goes up today after glee.” 

“Not at all like,” he shrugged, “I think Quinn and I did well.” 

“Oh no, Kurt, we crushed it,” Quinn said, sitting down with her lunch. 

He smiled at her. Quinn went on to compliment Mercedes on her audition, having heard part of it from outside the audition. She would’ve been inside with Kurt to watch but Coach Sue wanted to meet with her head Cheerio about their upcoming competition. From what Quinn had told them via text, Sue was going all out at practice today. 

“She doesn’t want us to be late,” Quinn said. “That list better be up right away.” 

“We should change before glee,” Kurt suggested. 

“Good idea.” 

Once Quinn had sat down the rest of the New Directions filed in. With interlocking pinkies, Santana and Brittany wandered over taking the last two seats available. 

“Cheerios practice is gonna be hell, hope you’re up for the challenge Hummel,” Santana said. 

He shot her a short glare. 

“Kurt always understands the assignment, Santana,” Quinn quipped back. 

Brittany nodded in agreement smiling at Kurt from across the table. She gave him a small wave half hidden by her lunch tray. In return, Kurt waved back just as shyly. 

They had an interesting friendship. Kurt had kissed Brittany before. He was sure it hadn’t phrased Brittany as it had him. After all, she had kissed almost every boy in school. Some kind of record, he thought. 

They sort of dated for like a week when Kurt was trying to convince himself he was straight. When he firmly realized he was kidding no one, not even himself, they broke up. Since then, he and Brittany had remained close. They were both Cheerios and in the glee club, it made sense. 

He was happy to have Brittany in his life, even if that meant Santana by extension came with her. Santana was fine outside of the public eye. If the Unholy Trinity incited Kurt to their sleepovers, Santana was a different person. She put up a front at McKinley, extremely similar to the one Kurt attempted when he dated Brittany. 

Few are privy to why she did this, Quinn and Kurt knew and he was fairly certain Mercedes did as well. She was very perceptive that way. Brittany was Santana’s soulmate. It explained so much about their relationship. Always in sync, completing each other perfectly, a literal better half.

Honestly, it gave Kurt so much hope that everyone’s soulmate was like that. A missing puzzle piece. 

He really hoped his soulmate listened to more than just Teenage Dream because the lyrics were slowly creeping into his everyday language. 

Usually, Kurt found himself hyper-focused in glee club. He got an energy boost just from walking into the choir room. Like a light switch turning on. His focus wasn’t always on whatever lecture Mr. Schue was pursuing, sometimes he watched his fellow glee clubbers (catching himself up on drama just by sideways glances), or mentally mapping out his next performance. 

Today, Kurt wasn’t able to do any of those things. With the soundtrack of Teenage Dream (again) in his head, all he was thinking about was the center of a bulletin board with the cast list for The Rocky Horror Show on it. How far down the list was Riff Raff? How many names came before his?

Someone was snapping in front of his face. Kurt shook himself from his daydream to find Mercedes.

“Boy, wake up!” She said, “cast list is about to go up.” 

Either glee club had gotten shorter or Mr. Schue was putting it up early. 

…

Blaine didn’t really understand why the Warblers were concerned. Doing an improv performance was not new to them. In fact, Blaine had done three already this school year and he was only a freshman. 

The first one he did had been way back in September, he hadn’t even been an official Warbler yet. Warbler Tradition said: all potential freshman recruits were required to perform again after their auditions with the whole group. It was a solid way to see if they fit in well with the other established Warblers. Blaine fondly remembers vibing along with the older Warblers and fellow potentials to a medley of Pink songs. None of the freshmen had solos but it was still a fun time. 

At the time it seemed like all of Dalton fit into the choir room and surrounding hallways but in reality it was the entire freshman class. Improv performances weren’t something any middle schooler had seen before but the upperclassmen of Dalton knew the Warblers had plenty of improvs to come for the rest of the school year. The first one was special. Just for the newbies. 

Three days after that performance, Blaine had gotten word that he was to be a new Warbler and two months after that he was granted his first solo. Now, he was slowly becoming their go-to soloist for almost every performance for an audience. Blaine had become a vital part of all rehearsals for the most part. He was honored by their commitment to him honestly and he loved to sing however, a week and half of preparations was a tad excessive. Still, he walked his way to rehearsal positive that the council would have at least five points to discuss before they actually started singing. 

He walked into the choir room shaking his shake fondly and smiling at the Warblers already present. 

The council were always first to arrive. Together. Then it was a mixed bag of who followed. Usually Trent was there, punctual as always, and Blaine took the seat between Trent and Jeff. 

The room was mostly full already. 

Nick came in shortly after Blaine and sat across from him immediately asking if there had been a pop quiz in Stanton’s class earlier and was rather relieved to find out Jeremy was a filthy liar, who liked to start trouble. Before Jeremy could get on Blaine’s case about being overly sincere, the meeting began. 

Wes banged his gavel and welcomed everyone before gesturing for David to read off last meeting’s notes. Once the talking portion of the meeting was over, they pushed the furniture aside to make room. 

...

A week later Kurt was happy to have one musical under his belt but thankful the performance run had been short. If you thought the New Directions were dramatic during competition weeks, it was nothing compared to their musical rehearsals. 

Now, Mr. Schue was having the brilliant idea to host a boys vs girls competition. Of course, Kurt hadn’t wanted to work with the boys. They were sure to exclude his musical talents and he doubted he could get them to agree to any of his costume suggestions. 

This was hardly a challenge. It was bland and they had done it already. 

Kurt was sitting in the back of the choir room pouting. Yes, pouting. Full on arms crossed, head down, and bottom lip puffed out. Until, Mr. Schue had an actual brilliant idea, Kurt’s suggestion of course, to spice things up. 

The boys did not appreciate Kurt’s six hours of work putting two posters together. Even with the assignment to bring more feminine qualities into their performance, the boys ignored his input. So, when Puckerman suggested Kurt spy on the Warblers, he was thankful for a reason to leave. He packed up his projects and headed home to change.

When Mr. Schue found out who their competition was, Rachel and Kurt did some googling. He had seen the all-boys school uniform and was fairly sure he could replicate it with clothes he already had. 

He pulled some looks from his closet. Once satisfied he looked up directions to Westerville. 

Dalton was huge. It looked like a museum. How on earth was Kurt going to find their choir room? He hoped there were signs inside or a map. 

As he walked down a spiral staircase much too pretty to be in a school, he decided to just ask for directions. He was going to get lost if he kept walking without help. 

When the boy he stopped turned around, all Kurt could think was ‘I’d love to put my hands all over you.’ Which was a ridiculous thought to have because he didn’t know this boy and where had that even come from? Oh right, Teenage Dream was still playing in his head. Thanks, Katy. 

If only his soulmate knew he was using this song to fantasize about running off into the sunset with another boy. 

…

Blaine loved being in the spotlight. Wes would say it was because he didn’t get that kind of attention from his parents but that simply wasn’t true. Well, unless Cooper was around; he always pulled focus when it came to their parents. Older sibling privilege, he assumed. 

But he was running late. He stayed behind in class to ask a question which turned into his teacher rambling. Didn’t he know the Warblers had a performance today in the senior commons and Blaine was their lead singer? 

He was checking the time when someone stopped him on the stairs. 

A beautiful boy. Unlike anyone Blaine had ever seen before. He almost missed his name because he was caught up in memorizing his face. 

There was something said about being new, which Blaine doubted since he wasn’t in uniform, and Blaine mentioned a shortcut he knew of. 

It wasn’t really a shortcut. More like the long way to the Senior Commons but less crowded. Everyone was making their way to the Warblers and Blaine wanted as much time alone with Kurt as he could get. 

He wanted Kurt’s full attention. It was no wonder he instantly wanted to show off. Teenage Dream fit his vocals perfectly and Kurt was an excellent audience. In fact, Blaine was set on serenading him. 

He had no way of knowing that exact song had been playing all day long in Kurt Hummel’s mind. 

Afterward, Blaine lost himself in a group hug from the Warblers but Kurt’s beaming smile caught his eye. He pulled Wes and David aside, confirming his own suspicions that Kurt was spying on them first before convincing them to invite Kurt for coffee. 

The four boys sat at a table. Kurt seemed very nervous now. Blaine wasn’t sure if it was because he had been caught or something else was going on. In the end, Blaine thought it best for just him and Kurt to have a conversation. Not at all because he wanted alone time with him. 

This clearly wasn’t the time or place for romance. 

Once they were alone the whole tale seemed to flow out of Kurt: the name calling, locker shoving, his biggest bully. Blaine could relate. 

Sometimes he felt phantom pains in his right leg from Sadie Hawkins. At first, Kurt scoffed when Blaine began sympathizing. If he were Kurt, he might not believe himself. 

Private schoolboy bullied? Blaine sure didn’t look like someone who lacked friends. It was fairly common knowledge that Dalton had a zero tolerance policy for harassment. So, he explained. As brief as he could about his own experience with public school bullies. 

Kurt and he seemed to have more in common than a love for music. 

He doesn't have any plans to see Kurt again though Blaine has plenty of ideas on how they could get together. Coffee at the Lima Bean. Old musicals were playing at the revival theater. Maybe another high school was putting on a play this weekend. All Blaine needed was a good enough message to ask Kurt out. He drafted plenty but none sent. 

After school, Blaine knew Kurt might need an extra push. He was pretty sure classes at McKinley were done for the day. 

He sent a single word. Less second-guessing that way. 

Courage. 

Then, he walked to the library to start writing an essay on Lord of the Flies for English. 

However, he found himself unable to concentrate. Usually after a performance, Blaine had the song stuck in his head for at least a day or two afterward. In addition to humming in the weeks of rehearsals, of course. Instead, Blaine found himself thinking about Start Me Up by the Rolling Stones and oddly Livin’ On a Prayer. Both songs he thought better suited his father or Cooper’s tastes. It was a mashup of the two songs like his soulmate was hearing them simultaneously. 

When he started thinking about his soulmate, there was a clear picture of someone. It didn’t take long for Blaine to bring up those blue eyes and the soft complexion of Kurt Hummel. Which was crazy thinking. He had no idea if Kurt was his soulmate. 

Soulmates tended to be around the same age but just because Kurt was also in high school meant nothing. By that logic anyone at Dalton could be his soulmate too. 

During his brief time with Kurt this week, Blaine heard no music from his mouth. In fact, Blaine had done all the singing. Even with half his brain saying he was nuts to think Kurt was his forever, Blaine couldn’t let the thought go. 

…

Blaine’s text comes in in the midst of the girls’ performance. A wonderful mashup and excellent costumes. Tina had texted Kurt about the leather jacket idea early this week. He was very proud of how they managed to pull the looks together in such a short time. It was impressive. 

Altogether, Kurt was feeling great. The boys had their rehearsal, apparently their performance was turning into an apology. Kurt wasn’t sure what they had done to Coach Beiste but apparently, she was quitting. He and Blaine were texting periodically now. No one knew it but Kurt was surely developing a huge crush on the Warbler boy. 

Then, he confronted Karofsky. He didn’t want to feel the same regret Blaine did—no one messes with the Hummels. 

It seemed like mere hours but in reality, it was days, Kurt was enrolled at Dalton and saying goodbye to the New Directions. 

He was full on having a Vanessa leaving Troy moment here. Kurt Hummel has got to go his own way. 

God was he nervous to start at a new school. In the middle of the school year too. Being the new kid was going to be hard but not as difficult as staying at McKinley would be. 

When Kurt was greeted by Blaine’s smile outside the office on his first day, it made Kurt relax. At least he already had a friend here. 

It isn’t until they’re walking down the hall together—Blaine insisted on escorting Kurt to his first class—that Kurt noticed Blaine was humming.

“Is that High School Musical?” Kurt asked. 

“Oh, um, technically it’s the sequel.” 

“What about us…” Blaine sang, “what about everything we’ve been through?” 

“What about trust…you know I’ve never wanted to hurt you?” 

Blaine chucked. “Cheesy but true. Such a good movie.” 

“We should watch it sometime,” Kurt suggested. 

Instantly, he wanted to take it back. He’s been told he can come on too strong. Especially around cute boys. 

“I’d love too!” Blaine said. “I have it on DVD.” 

Kurt doesn’t see Blaine again until their one shared class of the day right before lunch. He sits across the room from Blaine during history but next to him at the Warbler’s lunch table. 

Most of the group has the same lunch so Kurt is introduced to them before his audition later this afternoon. 

“Nervous?” Wes asked, “you shouldn’t be.” 

“Yeah, from what Blaine's told us you're a great singer,” Trent added. 

“He’s barely heard me sing,” Kurt replied, poking Blaine’s arm. 

He only sang one line of a song to the other boy today. 

“Well…” Blaine rubs his neck abashedly. “I might’ve watched some New Directions videos on YouTube.” 

“Oh, I forgot Rachel uploaded those.” Kurt tunes to the other Warblers then, “I hope I don’t disappoint.” 

After lunch, Blaine walks Kurt to class again. “Between you and me, you’re a shoo-in.” 

“Really?” The Warblers were such an esteemed group. Not at all like the disorganized New Directions. They had also been a glee club for far longer. 

“Really.” 

***

Blaine has had High School Musical songs in his head all day. Whoever his soulmate is, at least he’s got good taste in Disney Channel original movies. Then as the Warblers were preparing for Kurt’s audition, the song switched. An Evita song. 

His soulmate sure did love musicals. Blaine was rather happy about that. He could already picture them sitting on the couch cuddled under a fluffy blanket with any number of classic musicals laid out before them. Arguing over if it was too soon to rewatch Moulin Rouge and whose turn it was to make popcorn. 

They’d be in a big city apartment. Somewhere where no one cared if they were gay. All anyone wanted to know was how they discovered they were soulmates. Their origin story. 

From that point, the daydream grew fuzzy. Blaine couldn’t come up with that meet-cute story. It hadn’t happened yet and nothing his brain could come up with would ever match up with his future reality. 

He shook his head, bringing himself back to the choir room. 

The room was buzzing with excitement. It wasn’t every day the Warblers auditioned someone mid-semester. Of course, Kurt had special circumstances but the group was notorious for never breaking tradition. 

Blaine tried to focus but it was difficult without Kurt at his side. Lately, he had been distracted whenever Kurt wasn’t around. All Blaine could hear, despite the loud room, was the song in his head. 

I had to let it happen

I had to change

Then, Kurt walked in and music started to play. For a split second, Blaine thought he was imagining the words from “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” coming from Kurt’s lips. Surely he hadn’t chosen the same song as Blaine’s soulmate had in their head. He knew it couldn’t be his imagination when Trent leaned over and whispered to Blaine how much he loved this song. 

Like lightning striking a tree, Blaine had a realization. Kurt Hummel was his soulmate. 

Oh god, what was he going to do? 

His skin was burning as if it was burned away like bark. He drooped in his seat desperate for water to put himself out with. To put a stop to the tingling sensation bubbling up under his skin. 

All he wanted to do was reach out and touch Kurt. Some part of his brain was able to override that thought. He couldn’t ruin this audition for him. There was plenty of time to spend with Kurt after this, Blaine had all the time in the world to talk with his soulmate.

Soulmate.  

Never did he think he would find his soulmate this soon. Gosh, they were only teenagers. They had so much life to live together. This was rare, special, to find your soulmate so quickly in life. Blaine would cherish it, he’d be thankful for this gift for rest of his days. 

But how in the hell was he going to tell Kurt? It had to be romantic. Blaine always thought it would be when he finally came face to face with his soulmate, his one true love. There was so much work to be done and so little time to do it. Now that Blaine knew, he didn’t want to spend another day without Kurt knowing too. 

He used to dream about running dramatically in slow motion towards each other and embracing just as it started to rain, which of course led to a fabulous first kiss in the sudden storm. But Blaine knew how unlikely that would be. 

He’d just have to build a new fantasy, which he thought would be easy to do if Kurt was his so-called Prince Charming. Whatever happened was going to outweigh everything his imagination had come up with thus far. 

First and foremost, he’d had to sit through a discussion of this audition, which he was barely able to pay attention to. All he wanted to do was walk up to Kurt, cup his face, and kiss him. After Kurt was finished, the council dismissed him. Blaine knew he’d find Kurt just outside the choir room because they had plans afterward but now he had no idea how he was going to sit through coffee with Kurt and not tell him. 

“He’s very good,” Trent said, nudging Blaine. 

He nodded in agreement. It seems most of the group concurred, Kurt was a good fit for them. 

Kurt Hummel was the perfect fit for Blaine too. Even if he didn’t know it yet. 

***

Kurt didn’t consider himself to be a good reader of social cues especially when his own emotions were involved. See, Finn Hudson and Sam Evans. Crushes on straight boys never ended well. With Blaine, he swore things would be different. 

They were friends, classmates, and hopefully, soon they’d be fellow Warblers. Kurt was not going to mess this up. Even if Blaine was really cute and friendly and super kind and understanding. There was so much to love about Blaine, Kurt found it hard to find something he didn’t like. 

He had found focusing on his dislikes of a person kept his feelings at bay. Like how messy Finn could be really shut down any romance fantasy Kurt had drawn up. Except, Blaine didn’t dye his hair like Sam, he was completely organized (Kurt had seen his dorm room; spotless), he was modest and genuine. 

It made sense that everyone at Dalton wanted some of his attention. Blaine embodied Kurt’s idea of a gentleman and then some. 

After his audition, Kurt sat outside the choir room waiting for his results. The council would discuss with the full group, release them, and regroup tomorrow with a vote. Kurt was waiting for Blaine to be dismissed because Blaine had promised to buy him a cup of coffee. 

Some of the Warblers who were leaving had some pretty nice things to say about Kurt’s performance. Just general praise which soothes some of his initial nerves. Mostly, he just wanted Blaine to walk out with a big smile on his face. That boy couldn’t keep a secret. Kurt would know if he was in or not just by looking at his face. 

Kurt was joined on his bench by a boy who introduced himself as Duncan. 

“I was super nervous after my audition. I just got in at the beginning of this year so I know what you’re going through.” 

Kurt felt his shoulders drop in relief. As much as Blaine tried to assure him the audition would be perfect, Kurt felt like he couldn’t relate much as the star of the glee club. Back at McKinley, Kurt rarely had center stage. Here, Blaine always had everyone’s attention. 

“That’s actually great to hear,” Kurt said, with a slight chuckle. 

“Seriously, Kurt, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I’m a little concerned they’ll kick me out just to have your voice,” Duncan teased. 

They keep talking about what it’s like to be a new Warbler since Duncan is positive Kurt will be getting good news shortly. He offers up some pointers to get on the council’s good side. 

“I loved your song choice by the way, so weird because Evita had been in my head all day.” 

It feels like someone’s dropped an ice cube down his back. He sits up quickly. 

Oh, Kurt thought, is this it? 

“You did?” He must’ve heard wrong. There’s just no way. 

“Yeah, I love that musical,” Duncan confirmed. 

Could it be this easy? He wondered. 

“We should hang out again soon,” Duncan told him, “I’d love to get to know you. Newbie Warblers gotta stick together.” 

Kurt gives Duncan his number before the other boy wanders off. Before Kurt can get too deep into any fantasies of his soulmate, wondering if that soulmate has just left him or not, Blaine comes out from the choir room. 

“Hey you,” Blaine greeted with a big smile. 

“Are you allowed to give me any inclination?” 

He shook his head but was still smiling wide which made Kurt feel like good news was in his near future like Duncan had said. Kurt was telling Blaine how long he had practiced the song over the weekend with Rachel and Duncan reassurances when Blaine blurted, “Duncan Samuels?” 

“Yeah, we just met.” 

Should he tell Blaine about them being soulmates or wait until he was sure? 

But Blaine just nodded. Something was clearly bothering his friend. For now, Kurt was going to let it go because he was sure Blaine would come to him if he wanted to talk. He didn’t want to force it out of Blaine. 

Kurt couldn’t even get Finn to talk to him during their warm milk chats at night. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to pull the information out of Blaine if he tried.

“Anyway,” Kurt said, continuing his previous line of thought, “Rachel has this whole stage setup in her dads’ basement.” 

“I don’t find that hard to believe based on everything you’ve told me about her.” 

After that comment, their coffee date is back on track, Kurt doesn’t bring up his potential soulmate meeting. 

***

Duncan Samuels was his lifelong nemesis. As far as Blaine was considered his life began when he figured out Kurt was his soulmate and if Duncan was going to interfere with that they were now enemies. Since their coffee date yesterday, Blaine hasn’t heard a word about Duncan but he also had yet to see Kurt today. They only had one class together after lunch, which Blaine was on his way to now. 

Kurt saved him a seat and delivered the news. 

“Duncan and I are going for coffee today.” 

Those words were devastating. 

In normal circumstances, Blaine would’ve asked Kurt why he wasn’t going to rehearsal but of course Kurt wasn’t a Warbler…yet. Blaine knew the Warblers were going to announce Kurt’s membership at the end of day, which meant this was the last rehearsal Kurt wouldn’t attend. 

So instead of a calmly said, normal statement, Blaine spent the next minute freaking out. 

Duncan was the worst! He was going to steal Kurt away from him before Blaine ever got the chance. Well okay, the rational side of him thought, Kurt isn’t being stolen he’s going willingly. 

“That’s nice,” he finally said. 

There was no way for Blaine to stop Kurt and honestly no reason to try since Duncan posed no threat to Kurt. He didn’t need a protector. Blaine knew they were soulmates and he’d find a way to tell Kurt later on. At the end of it all, Kurt was his soulmate. He just knew it. 

“Are you free when I get out of rehearsal?” 

“For you?” Kurt asked, “of course, I’ll probably still be in the cafe.” 

“I’ll come find you,” Blaine told him. 

Still, all throughout Warbler rehearsal, Blaine’s attention was elsewhere. He needed to get out of here and meet up with Kurt. Wes knew it too because he pulled him aside at one point while David ushered the guys into a new arrangement.

“What’s up with you?” He asked, “I need you focused for competition.” 

“I will be,” he vowed. 

“You didn’t answer my question.” 

Blaine looked back at the other boys but they were already harmonizing. 

“It’s Kurt.” 

Wes smiled. “Don’t worry about him. He’s in, I can’t believe we have a countertenor on our team now. We’re going to wipe the floor at regionals.” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Wesley. McKinley already knows what a talent Kurt is, he won’t be a surprise to them,” Blaine reminded him. 

“Ah, but they didn’t utilize his talent,” Wes said, “it’ll shock them to see Kurt in the spotlight.” 

Wes patted Blaine’s back and guided him back to the group to finish up rehearsal. 

Blaine couldn’t help but check his phone again before he tuned back into rehearsal. He knew Kurt was getting coffee and that’s why he wasn’t answering his phone. 

One of the best things about Kurt was when you were with him everything else was put aside. Blaine was sure if things got really serious, Kurt would shut his phone off entirely to prove a point. Right now, it was annoying as hell. Blaine needed to see a reassuring text that Kurt wasn’t running off into the sunset with Duncan Samuels. 

What if his phone was turned off because the two of them were standing at the altar? Everyone turns their phones off in church. 

He really really needed to talk to him. Blaine didn’t want to be the type of soulmate that holds onto that information too long. It’s like he’s lying to himself not being with Kurt. 

Once rehearsal was finally over, Blaine rushed over to the on-campus cafe where he knew Kurt would be. He had to be there. 

When Blaine pushed his way through the door, he saw Kurt was sitting alone nursing what looked to be a cup of tea. When Blaine approached him he could tell it was Chamomile. 

“Can I sit?” 

Kurt nodded but didn’t say a word as Blaine hung his bag across the back of the chair and removed his blazer. 

He expected a question about the Warblers, perhaps an inquiry about his status to become one but nothing came. Kurt wasn’t even drinking his tea. 

“What’s wrong? Did Duncan say something to upset you?”

“I’m fine, Blaine,” Kurt said, “Duncan didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me as usual.” 

Blaine didn’t understand. 

“Am I that unlovable?” 

“What?” 

Kurt was the most kind, sincere person he knew and Blaine had only met him a few weeks ago. He was most certainly lovable considering Blaine fell for him in just under 3 weeks 

“I can’t really blame him,” Kurt continued, “it’s not his fault we aren’t soulmates.” 

“You thought he was your soulmate?” 

Maybe telling Kurt wouldn’t be too difficult after all. 

“It’s just he made this comment yesterday that made me think…but of course I got too ahead of myself again and really I should know by now,” Kurt mumbled the last bit, “nothing ever goes to plan.” 

“You can say that again.” 

This cafe wasn’t a romantic candlelit dinner. He didn’t have rose petals to scatter around. There was no champagne to toast. But he had the most important thing. 

Blaine reached across the table to grab Kurt’s hand. “Think of a song.” 

“Why?” 

“Just do it,” Blaine said. 

Kurt’s face was scrunched up in a “I’m confused but I’ll trust you” kind of way. 

As soon as the song hit him, Blaine opened his mouth to sing, “this could be the start of something new…it feels so right to be here with you.”

“How did you—?” 

Blaine smiled at him. “Pick another song.” 

“Your cares and troubles are gone. They'll be no more from now on.”

His mouth opens slightly. 

“Your turn,” Blaine said, “ I want you to sing what comes to mind.” 

Wasn’t the best way to prove they were soulmates to test each other? 

Blaine wanted Kurt to have his own moment of realization even if he engineered it. He didn’t want their “how-did-you-know” story to be him informing Kurt about their connection. Instead, he wanted to tell people about listening to Kurt’s Warbler audition and thinking how odd it was to know the song he was going to sing before it began. Kurt’s story would start with a laugh because he imagined someone other than Blaine as his soulmate the very same day. 

And wasn’t that just so silly of him? 

Rather than have Kurt just sing to him, Blaine harmonized with him. This was the proof. He’d sing everything Kurt could come up with and vice versa. 

“But baby, can't you see there's nothing else for me to do? I'm hopelessly devoted to you.”

“Blaine,” Kurt said. “We’re….”

He nodded. 

Before Blaine even realized it, Kurt was out of his seat leaning towards him, they’re kissing. Kurt’s fingers are curved around his chin and his other hand is tickling the curls at the back of his neck. The tiny wisps of hair that always escape the gel by the late afternoon. 

Blaine would happily keep his curls loose if it meant Kurt would keep his hands in his hair always. Especially, if it meant they’d never stop kissing. 

Eventually, Kurt has to pull away. They’re still close enough to feel each other’s breath. 

“Soulmates,” Blaine whispered. 

It had been quiet while they kissed like everything else in the world just stopped. All the sounds of Dalton came rushing back all at once. The students in the halls, coffee orders being called out, and the shuffling of chairs as people came and went. 

“When did you know?” Kurt asked, sitting down again. 

Blaine pulled his seat around so they were closer and Kurt immediately reached for his hand. 

***

3 months later. 

Blaine hadn’t been upset to lose to McKinley at Regionals. How could he have been when he got to sing with his soulmate in front of a crowd? Their duet was so in sync and the crowd could tell. He doesn’t think he ever received such a loud applause. 

Blaine had wanted to just be in that moment forever—staring into Kurt’s eyes hearing the words in his head just before they were said aloud, gripping his hand before pushing him into the spotlight to soak up the audience’s love. 

No, Blaine was happy about Regionals. The Warblers had worked hard on the set; their second place trophy sat on the right corner of the council’s table at meetings now. What Blaine was concerned about was Kurt’s leaving. 

His dorm room was empty now, the last suitcase zipped up. Blaine was sitting on his boyfriend’s mattress taking in the last moment that Kurt was a Dalton student. 

“I’ll miss you too, you know, a lot,” Kurt said from the doorway. 

“I know,” Blaine replied, “it’s just sad.” 

Kurt took a seat next to him on the bed. 

“I’ll sing to you.” 

Blaine smiled. “Promise?” 

“Everyday.” Kurt kissed his cheek. 

They were going to be okay. 

[m-y-fandoms]

[Aoi Asahina, Sonia Nevermind, Chiaki Nanami, Rantarou Amami, Ibuki Mioda] x reader imagine: comforting an insecure guitarist s/o after their band plays live

Request: Oh my god, are DR blogs coming back again?? This is the third new one I've found this month!! Really happy about that.  Great writing so far by the way! Could you maybe do Asahina, Sonia, Chiaki, Rantaro, and Ibuki (separate) comforting an insecure, guitarist S/O after they just performed a live show with their band? And like, the S/O is really worried that they sucked even though they did well? Oddly specific, I know. Would appreciate it though! Cheers!

OMG I NERDED OUT AND HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH CHIAKI’S, POINTS TO THE FANS WHO GET THE REFERENCE, though it’s an easy one Nishishi~

Thank you for this imagine request and being so specific about what you want while still giving me a lot of creative freedom! I immediately had some simple but cute ideas about this! - Mod Kokichi

Gender Neutral reader, a few brief lewd humorous lines, but SFW otherwise.

Aoi Asahina

- You were nervous, pre-show jitters shuddering through your body, but you couldn’t back out now.

- Not when your super hot, super excited, super supportive girlfriend had hyped you up just before the show.

- “Stage fright?! How’d you even get into a band in the first place with that mentality?!” Hina teased you backstage, mere moments before going on out to preform. She saw you chuckle nervously, not taking her joke as well as she’d hoped.

- She took your hand firmly. “Look, you know that face you love, the one I make when I’m thinking about pastries?” She continued.

- “The one that makes you look like a chipmunk?” You answered flatly.

- “I don’t agree, but yes! That one! When you’re scared up there, imagine me doing that face! Or better yet, I’ll be front row, in the V.I.P. standing section anyway. Just look for me there!” With a peck on your cheek, she gave you a determined look before pushing you toward the stage and disappearing.

- “H-hina!” You stuttered, but it couldn’t be helped, it was time.

- To your surprise, the nervousness went away as your band was about half way through the first song.

1. The attention is mainly on the lead singer.

2. You were focusing on playing too much to fully take in the screaming crowd.

3. You were actually enjoying yourself.

- As the first song ended, however, the music fading out and the crowd going wild, you felt that little pinch of panic settle back in. There was no music to focus on and protect you, just a hundred faces to look out upon.

- Your eyes darted back and forth over the audience, searching. Your breathing came out a little heavier, until your eyes landed on a lean, curvy, athletic figure, with tanned skin and a smile sweet like honey...no, like doughnuts

- She put her hands up near her face like paws, closing her eyes in an open-mouth smile. You smirked, nodding and strumming your strings once again.

- At the end of the show, fans flooded to the hallway that connected the venue’s main hall to the dressing rooms backstage, reaching out to try and grab band members, hoping to take how an autograph or lock of hair as a souvenir, and you rushed through, sweating and ultimately disappointed with the overall performance you put on that night.

- Hina was already waiting in your temporary dressing room for the night, standing and throwing her arms around your neck before praising you endlessly.

- “S/O, that was amazing! That third song, I felt like the bass shook the place! It was intense, like the final lap in a freestyle race, you know?! We gotta bring Sakura next time. I think she’d really get into the pull of the steady rhythm!” Her little dramatic expressions, her brow knitted together passionately as she spoke...she reminded you every day why you fell in love with her.

- “You...you really liked it? I thought I was kinda just going down further and further in quality as the show went on. I felt like shit by the end…”

- “Are you kidding me! It was fantastic. I think the whole audience was immersed. I know I was! Hey...you better not have all these groupies flocking you looking for a piece tonight!” She teased, hugging your arm!

Sonia Nevermind

- Sonia was extremely excited to go to a public concert. Anything that brought her closer to commoners, to feeling like she belonged around ordinary people was just swell to her.

- Even better that it was in a country foreign to her, where she could be immersed in the cultural norms and behaviors.

- Even better that she was watching the one she loved play.

- She was afraid that you’d judge her when she first admitted her love for the occult, horror, and all things gothic and metal.

- You thought that was pretty hot.

- So there she stood, in the front row of your concert, in a poofy green dress with expensive jewelry and accessories decorating her frame. She stuck out like a sore thumb, but Sonia, blissfully unaware, felt like one of the normal people.

- She jumped when the crowd did, her fist in the air, entranced by each note that came from your instrument.

- Sweaty metal-heads and ravers bumped into her endlessly in the tightly packed crowd, and she couldn’t care less.

- You looked amazing up on stage, and she felt like she was a part of some fan fiction she read once.

- You know the trope, where the reader is in the crowd at a famous band’s concert reluctantly, and her favorite member locks eyes with her and either pulls her on stage with them or takes her backstage after the show and ravished her!

- And she felt her love for you and your musical talent swell within her heart.

- After the concert, she met you outside the back door of the venue, and you were shocked silent at her appearance.

- “S-Sonia are you okay??” The tights under her dress were ripped, her bracelet missing some jewels, the bow tie falling out of her blonde locks, which by the way looked like a rat’s nest. Topping the look off were the pit stains under her arms and in the valley of her cleavage.

- “I’m sorry. I knew this would be a shitty experience. I shouldn’t have brought you. The music was bad anyway, huh? I shouldn’t practiced more.” You looked down in shame, before she nearly tackled you, her arms around your neck and kissing you everywhere, up and down your face and neck and chest.

- “D-do not say these things! Tonight was the b-best night of my life!!!” she sputtered, too excited to enunciate. “You looked like a hero in this J-Drama I watched years ago! Like the protagonist Sawayama Keito!! And I??? I was your romantic love interest, the plain Jane in the crowd, Ito Aiyaka!”

- “You really enjoyed it that much?” You could smell the body odor and adrenaline pouring off of her, very un-princess-like, but you couldn’t care less, grinning like a fool.

- “I love you, Sonia, you crazy kid.”

- “Play for me again tonight, in the dorm room…” she spoke desperately.

Chiaki Nanami

- Chiaki did not want to be in that crowd that night.

- A short, skinny, lazy, introverted girl at a live concert full of rabid fans and no seats? Standing room only?

- She briefly mentioned this to you days before the show, not wanting to hurt your feelings. It was something mentioned in passing, in her normal flat and tired tone.

- “I hope I don’t get stepped on...maybe I can bring my Gameboy and play when things get too wild?” She mused, leaning back on you as you prepared to start practicing on the edge of the bed next to her.

- You loved Chiaki, and you knew how to take her hints by now.

- “Chi, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I know crowds aren’t your thing.”

- “No, I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she smiled that lazy, half-lidded smile. She loved you too, and she wasn’t about to be the only one on campus not there to support you. She yawned and took your guitar from your hands before falling asleep on your lap.

- You thought the gesture was cute, but inside you were a bit irritated. You’d told her many times prior to that night that you needed all the practice you could get, and that you were afraid of bombing. So why would she purposely stop you in the middle of practicing?

- Oh well. You leaned back, memorizing chords and lyrics in your head until you, too, passed out

- The night of the concert, Chiaki stood in the front row, her backpack strapped to her front, oddly snug on her chest and obviously on backwards, but it was easier to access her Gameboy and fidget toys in case she needed to retreat from the overwhelming noise.

- She told herself they were just for emergencies. She was there for you, and frowned thinking about how you’d feel if you looked down off the stage and saw her not paying attention.

- People piled in, and soon your band came on stage. The lead singer introducing you all.

- Chiaki was already feeling like the ceiling was lowering, like the people around her were far too close, and looked down, hoping seeing just the dark venue floor and her shoes would calm her, one hand on her backpack for security.

- “Oh!” She gasped, her little bangs flying up and her eyes widening like saucers as the lead singer sang the first notes. Three notes, that’s all it took.

- “Aha~aha ah ah...ha~uh huh huh…” the lead singer breathily voiced into the microphone, and Chiaki smiled wider than she had in months.

- You met her eyes on stage knowingly, smirking at first, then suddenly anxious that you might slip up or disappoint her. You strummed two loud, vibrating notes, stern and piercing through the air.

- Again the same two notes, before you joined the singer by the microphone, inhaling before singing in harmony:

- “In you~ and I, there’s a new land~ yeah~he heah!”

- She relaxed, tilting her head back as the sound waves overtook her.

- “Angels in flight~”

- “My sanctuary. My sanctuary, yeah~”

- You didn’t tell her you’d be doing covers that night. Video game covers, nonetheless. Her head shot up, looking at her phone quickly. She looked at the date.

- February 14th.

- Man, she spaced out often…but this…

- She blushed furiously, and her eyes locked with yours. You grew nervous, playing even harder. She swooned and let herself get lost in the bass.

- You played iconic video game themes all night, and by the end, Chiaki was more overwhelmed and exhausted then she’d ever been, but in a good way.

- When you walked into your dressing room back stage with flowers you had hidden earlier, she accepted them with a flush of her cheeks.

- “You didn’t need to do all that...s/o...this was…”

- “Y-you didn’t like it? I was nervous for a month planning this gig. I know I’ve still got a ways to go with playing live but-“

- “I loved it.”

- “What?” You weren’t convinced.

- “I loved it. Every second. I’m sorry I didn’t get you a gift, I didn’t even realize.”

- “Gifts don’t mean anything to me, Chi. You’re all I need.” you pulled her into your chest for a tight embrace. “You’re My Sanctuary.”

Rantarou Amami

- Rantarou was so excited about seeing your debut concert, snatching the tickets as soon as you presented them to him.

- “Can I bring along my sisters, too, S/O? They’ve been wanting to hear you play ever since I first mentioned that you were in a band.

- “Of course, but...I don’t know why they’d wanna all waste a Saturday night on my shitty band. We don’t even play that well ye-“

- “Silence!” He picked you up by your waist and squeezed you until you couldn’t breath, much less put yourself down with a self deprecating jab. He kissed your cheek playfully. “You’re sexy and the way you play guitar is sexy. I listened you practice all night the other day!”

- “Y-you did? I didn’t even see you!”

- “Huh...” he scoffed, “ maybe because you were lost in your passion, becasue news flash, you’re good at it, stinker!” He pinched your cheek, always knowing how to make you flustered. “Yeah, I heard every single note, and even peaked in once or twice, seeing you stroke those strings so tenderly…” He forced you against the wall, his hot breath against your ear “ I wish you’d stroke me like that.” You face ran hot and you roughly shoved him away, him giggling like a fool.

- “Okay, okay you win, Amami, bring whoever you want!” You stomped off with a huff.

- The day of the concert, the entire front row looked like a field of spring grass, the large family of green-haired siblings shouting before you even began your first song. You shook your head at Rantarou and his many sisters, half-embarrassed, half-flattered. You felt your hands stumble across the strings, Rantarou giving you a thumbs up and a wink.

- After the show, you couldn’t run off the stage any faster. You ran into the staff room backstage where refreshments and spare equipment were usually set out, and were greeted by a row of Amami’s swarming you and praising you, talking much too quickly and all at once. 

- Rantarou simply let his sisters flock you, asking you to teach them to play, to help them meet hot musicians you knew, to learn to read music. You felt your ego rise, flustered once again at the hand’s an an Amami.

Ibuki Mioda

- Ibuki shouted to the band backstage, tuning her guitar and hyping up the other members. She noticed you a little out of place, looking a quite queasy and apprehensive.

- “S/O! The hell are you doin’ over there! Hudddddddle up!” She pulled you by your shoulders.

- “I don’t know why I let you force me into joining the music club...I shouldn’t have mentioned my interest at all…” you grumbled.

- Months ago, Ibuki had heard you, her darling and adorable s/o mentioning that you played guitar in elementary school, and wanted to listen in on her band once practice one in awhile. Well, that was the end of that. She decided it was time to freshen up your skills and get you comfortable with the strings again. Now here you were, moments from your first live performance since you were 10 years old.

- “Whaaat! That’s like, a major no no, that low energy, ya dig?!” She held your hand, swinging it back and forth with a feral look on her face. “You’re bitchin’! And Ibuki is bitchin’! And tonight we’re gonna set the stage on fire!”

- The show went on as planned, you and Ibuki on guitar while she screamed into the front mic. Your drummer just barely cut through the vibrations of your combined sound waves, and you buckled down and reminded yourself that with Ibuki at your back, that stage was yours. That audience was yours.

- Plus...who was staring at you when Ibuki was up front, looking like that, acting like that. That passion, that intensity, it’s what drew you to her in the first place.

- The crowd roared viciously, opening up a mosh pit in front of your neon gothic goddess of a girlfriend, and you couldn’t have found her more attractive than you did right now, her arms swinging open, releasing the guitar and simply bellowing into the mic, commanding the hellish pit in front of her like one of the succubi from Gundham’s wild tall tales.

- You suddenly felt so unworthy of her in all her glory, simply providing the backup and harmonies.

- When the show ended, you and Ibuki equally carried each other back stage to the school’s stagehand room, leaning on each other’s sweaty bodies for support.

- “Sheesh, that was straight fire tonight, s/o, huh?! Immolation on the stage, in the fleeeesh!” She shredded an air guitar in front of her before collapsing on a folding chair. How did she still have any energy at all?! You scoffed incredulously. “ Ibuki was worried for a second there, but we pulled it off! I knew we’d be amazing!” Huh???

- “You were worried?” You quickly realized what she probably meant, “Oh...like nervous that I’d mess it up for us?” Her eyes widened, a shocked look on her face as her hands flew up to her hair.

-“What? No! Ibuki was worried about Ibuki~” She grimaced.

- “Why would you ever be nervous, you’re the best musician for miles around.” You drank from a water bottle before tossing it to her. She caught it in one hand, downing it.

- “Hey, Ibuki gets worried too~” She winked at you, a flirty glimmer in her eye as she held up a heart made from her connected hands. “But s/o is Ibuki’s rock! Partners in crime, yeah? No need to worry with you at my back tearing it up!”

[marveling-chrisevans]

Quarantine || Chris Evans x Reader

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader / Chris Evans x You

Warnings:  Smut and a little cute fluffy - also could be triggering for current situations.. also kinda long 

Words Count: 2045

Summary: Chris quarantine alone so is  his neighbor (y/n) too. So they talk all day across the balcony because of the distancing, and the sexual tension becomes to much and Chris jumps the railing and they screw right then

Tag-List: @patzammit​​​​ @torntaltos​​​​ @smoothdogsgirl​​​​    (tag list is also open so if you want to be tagged let me know, you can reply to this or send an ask)

A/N: Sometimes smut is hard to write. So there is that before you read this. I try my best with it, not the actual best writer of smut but ill work on it -- sorry it took a few days to post I had to one finish it and its almost finals so ive been a bit distracted 

Living so far from your family during this time was hard when you couldn’t even walk the streets. You knew the man next door to you though passing but you had never actually sat down and talked to him. One week into being alone you saw him sitting outside reading a book, so you open your sliding glass door and walked over to the edge and lean over to read the title “so is it any good?” You wondered with a slight smile on your face looking at him. He closed his book and looked over at you “yeah its pretty good, fancy seeing you out here” he teased back “feeling lonely?” He wondered as he leaned forward in the chair he was sitting “i guess this whole being stuck inside and not being able to do anything is really putting a damper on my social life I'm left talking to you” You teased back “I'm y/n” you introduced yourself incase you never have “Chris, you know we have lived next door to each other for like a year now and never done that..” He smiled back at you. “you should be more friendly” 

“Says the guy who always looks like he is running late or the world is going to end” your laugh slightly “seriously every time I see you in the lobby or the hall you are like sprinting out the door, do you need a watch or something?” You wondered with a cocky smirk on your face “If you must know I just like to be perfectly on time.” He snarked back “and its not usually me its the driver they send every morning, he gets here so late and I have to run to him so we can make it on time” he defended himself “oh driver, what do you do for a living, you live in this nice apartment int he middle of the city and have a driver” She wondered as she took a seat herself on her patio furniture 

“nothing really special I act in a couple of things, right now I'm staring in a show on broadway called Lobby hero” he said back to her “otherwise I don’t spend much time in the city” “oh so your can actor, no wonder your always late. Have you been in anything I would have seen, note I don’t watch many movies only the ones I'm dragged to” You asked him crossing your legs facing him “uh I'm not sure then I did a few romcoms back in the day, currently I'm playing captain America” he said thinking “have you seen the old school fantastic four?” He asked looking back at you taking a drink of his water “you mean the one with uh Jessica Alba? I mean of course” You replied back “oh my god Jonny storm.. aka human douche” you smirked “thats what my friends called you in that movie” 

He couldn’t help but laugh as he clutched his chest with his hand “oh my god thats a good one, he was kinda an asshole in that movie” He smiled. That is how your days went. You two talked, and talked and talked till it got so personal Spending time with each other has been the staple of your day,

Most days you got our coffee and then headed out to the balcony with a book and waited for Chris to get up and get ready. Some days it was about an hour as you had always been an early riser. You most mornings did a home work out, weather it was yoga or like a dance video 

Walking out this morning you were just in your yoga pants and a tank-top, thank god the weather had been improving from winter and was actually warmer. 

This morning you were reading the book you met Chris reading, he had finished it and lended it to you. As you enjoyed your cup of coffee as he walked out and looked over at you “so you're enjoying it then?” He wondered as he sat down with his puppy outside You carefully close the book to not lose your page “yes I am sucked in. Its really eye opening and like life changing” you smiled across the balcony at him “good morning dodger, your cutest than your owner did you know that?” You said leaning forward and petting him since he was on the railing 

“oh is that what you really think?” Chris wondered walking up next to dodger looking at you locking eye contact, you couldn’t help but just freeze where you were, locking the stare of his piercing blue eyes.  “no?” You questioned yourself “i mean you are decent looking” you said biting the inside of your lip as you pull the stare you to hard, which had quite honestly created the most sexual tension the two of you have had yet “so what are you plans today?” You wondered “you know, talking to you, and maybe making some food” he said with a shrug “but here is the thing not go anywhere.” He smirked over at you. He found you attractive. He just looked at you as he leaned against the railing, “what about yourself” “well I was thinking about kidnapping that adorable dog, and reading this book. And I guess talking to you” you teased him slightly as you had nothing else to do ‘and order food because I'm out, lets be honest” you shrugged “i need to venture out one day but for now ill just do take out” Chris shook his head “yeah I wouldn’t they make a thing called this grocery delivery thing.” He said simply. He said taking off his jacket which relived his white t-shirt, which just outlined his muscles completely, you couldn’t help but stare at them. “right yeah right yep I should look into that” You said still looking at him. Chris couldn’t help but watch you look at him. He to be quite honest he found it even more fantasying to you. He took his moment. He opened the door for dodger to go back in as he jumped over the rail, the gap between your two balcony was about a foot, it wasn’t that much that he was going to hurt himself being on a higher floor. He had the urge to actually be connected to her, he couldn’t stand it any longer. You were so confused watching him jump over the railing “what are you doing? Are you crazy you could hurt yourself!” You said as you took a step back so he had room to land as he jumped over “oh my god you just about gave me a heart attack why would you do that!” 

Chris didn’t respond he just put his hand on your hip and pulled you closer to him and crashed his lips. You responded by kissing him back and putting your arms around his neck pulling away “what are you?” You tried to ask him before he cut you off with another kiss. You ran your hands down his shirt till it was in hem and started to tug at it, as they long enough to pull his shirt off and then he pulled your shirt off. He picked you up and set you on your patio table. You didn’t question any of it. You took a second with your hands on his abs as you pulled away from a breath “god damn what are you made out of stone” you wondered looking at him. He smiled and looked at her “no just a lot of working out, you wanna do this?” He wondered just to confirm cause concert “I've wanted this the last few weeks, but I'm not daring enough to jump over the rail, though you could have used the door” you teased him again with a smirk “thats it” he said picking you up and took off your pants as he pulled you to the front of the table as you worked on undoing his belt. You stared to push them down to his ankles. 

He picked you up again well kissing you very passionately and intently. Bringing you into your apartment, your neighbors didn’t need a show but he didn’t care at that point, He laid you down on the couch kicking off his own pants and grinding himself against you. You couldn’t help but letting a moan escape your lips, into his mouth, you could feel the edges of his lips smile knowing that you enjoyed that. He bite your lip as he pulled off your panties and you his boxers, you ran your hand down his body to meet his member, using your hand getting to run the length, guiding him to the entrance. After making him put on a condom. He could feel the wetness running off your clit as he slide into you. You gasps as he entered you, you knew how big it was, but feeling it inside of you was a whole different story. Being who he was he pulled away from your kiss “are you okay is that okay?” He wondered. You without words nodded as he started to pump his hips into yours. You lifted your legs wrapping them around his waist. Rounding your hips into his. 

He cupped your breast giving it a tight squeeze which made another moan escape you're lips “Chris, harder” you said breathless and he obeyed doing exactly what you said. 

As you closed your eyes feeling every kind of euphoric sensation you reached up and ran your hands though his He could feel when you were getting close he ran his hand down your lower body as he found your clit and started to play with it. This sent you over the edge, you could feel the pit in the lower part of your stomach tighten, and your walls around his penis. He could tell you were getting close, he shifted and started to thrust into you harder feeling you cum around him. He finished at the same time you did, the two of you road out the high of the climax before he pulled out. He lowered his head breathless as they hung over your breasts, and you shifted so he could lay next to you on the couch. You laughed slightly looking at him “did that really just happen?” You asked out loud as he joined you on the couch. “it did yes, id say it was a long time coming” He smiled and kissed you again “from the first day we met outside” You couldn’t help but smile and bite your lip “I have a question, what does the mean?” You wondered as your finger ran over the tattoo he had on his collarbone, letting it linger on his body “it is Buddhism for When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.” He said back to you with a small smile “interesting” you said and kissed him again and got up “I'm hungry now” you said as you grabbed his shirt from outside and slide it over your head and walked into the kitchen. 

He got up and slide on his boxers and followed you. “right I haven’t gotten food” you said as you look in the fridge that is basically empty at this point “come on” he said as he handed you your panties and you slide them on. He took you over to his apartment and made you some food. “also if you keep wearing that shirt we might end up in round two sooner than you think” he said back to you “okay then ill keep wearing it” you said after walking into his apartment and walked over to his puppy and sat on the floor next to him “oh your such a good boy dodger, oh okay” you laughed as dodger knocked you over and attacked you with kisses Chris Smiled as he looked over at the both of you knowing that he could see a future between the two of you, and to think if you weren’t locked in the house you two may of never met. 

[aion-rsa]

Venom: Let There Be Carnage – The Comics History of the Symbiote Rivalry

https://ift.tt/3APMTrk

Something that impresses me with a superhero movie like Venom is when it doesn’t rush directly into the expected villain. When there are four different Fantastic Four movies, and they’re all about emphasizing Dr. Doom, it’s a breath of fresh air when, say, Man of Steel only makes an Easter egg reference to Lex Luthor instead of going directly for that confrontation. The MCU Spider-Man has yet to meet an Osborn, guys like Thanos and Darkseid started out as ominous benefactors, and the existence of Heath Ledger Joker was merely a cliffhanger tease in Batman Begins.

Much like how the Justice League movie decided to take its time by giving us Steppenwolf of all people, the first Venom movie had Carlton Drake (who hasn’t appeared in the comics since the early 9’0s) and Riot (the most forgettable of all of Venom’s comic children). By letting Venom build himself up on his own, flanked by some rather mundane villains, it gave more meaning to Cletus Kasady showing up in the post-credits. Carnage, Venom’s main villain, gets more fanfare by appearing in the sequel where our hero is fully formed.

Since Carnage’s first appearance in 1992, the idea has always been to make a darker, scarier Venom. Venom was a villain at the time, sure, but he was also on the border of becoming more. Outside of his personal delusions and anger issues, he still claimed that he wanted to help the innocent and punish the guilty. Even when he was able to accept that Spider-Man was good, they couldn’t co-exist due to their different natures as vigilantes. Carnage was simpler because he was full-on evil and had no potential for redemption. He was something so sinister and malevolent that both Spider-Man and Venom knew it was worth it to put aside their differences and take this creep down.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage has hyped Carnage up as being out of Venom’s league and that was the initial push of the character. Over time, the two became roughly equals as Carnage became the go-to bad guy for Venom to punch.

So let’s take a look at the history of Venom vs. Carnage. For the sake of simplicity, I’m going to define “Venom” and “Carnage” as characters wearing their respective symbiotes (excluding Peter Parker), or the symbiotes themselves. I’m not going to count Eddie Brock as Toxin, or Flash Thompson as Agent Anti-Venom or whatever.

Carnage’s Debut

Not counting cameos and build-up, Carnage’s first major appearance was in Amazing Spider-Man #361, starting off a three-parter. Spider-Man came to realize that he wasn’t enough to stop Carnage and he was going to need help. Specifically, he was going to need Venom. This was an awkward decision as Venom was at the time living his best life on an empty island, thinking that he had succeeded in killing Spider-Man.

Once Venom fully understood the situation, he accepted the temporary alliance. In the very first Venom vs. Carnage confrontation, Venom and Spider-Man tackled Carnage, got slammed into each other, then thrown into opposite walls. Carnage then caused a distraction by putting a baby in danger so he could escape. While he was dominant in that very brief scuffle, he still needed to run off, so I’m calling this a draw.

The handicap match continued into the last issue of the arc at a rock concert. In one-on-one exchanges, Carnage had Venom’s number, but Spider-Man was always there for the save. Spider-Man was able to use the sonics from the amplifiers to take out both of them. Technically a draw again, but it’s also a situation where Carnage regularly kicked the shit out of Venom and Venom only survived because he had help.

Maxium Carnage

Insert your Green Jelly cassettes and press play because it’s time for Carnage’s big ’90s crossover story. After the previous story’s popularity, Marvel decided to add more heroes, more villains, and make the whole thing a whopping 14 issues!

As Venom was a San Francisco vigilante at the time, he flew to New York to stop Carnage’s reign of terror. The first fight wasn’t even shown, as after the reveal that Carnage had Shriek and Doppelganger on his side, it cut away. A brutalized Venom was later found passing out while knocking on Peter and MJ’s door.

As Maximum Carnage was filled with so much filler and extra characters, there were various fight scenes of a group of heroes brawling with a group of villains. Venom and Carnage talked smack a lot, but nothing much ever really happened in terms of fighting. The story finally kicked into gear when Venom used a stolen sonic gun and blasted Carnage while Firestar assisted with her microwave blasts. This would have done the job, but Spider-Man got in the way and Shriek simply cut Cletus’ face open, causing his symbiote to respawn and bring him back to 100 percent health. Carnage and Shriek overwhelmed Venom and carried him off, along with the sonic gun.

Venom spent several issues being tortured until coming up with the plan to sneak some of the symbiote into the sonic gun so that Carnage would splatter Venom with more Venom. He punched Carnage down and escaped with gusto, hiding the fact that he was in no condition to fight.

It isn’t until the last issue that we FINALLY got a real Venom vs. Carnage fight. Venom was physically busted a bit, but Carnage was mentally busted. The heroes hit him with some MaGuffin device that caused him to be haunted by those who screwed him up in life. Venom pretty much just kicked Carnage’s ass around the city while Carnage tried in vain to escape. Every now and then, Spider-Man would appear and go, “B-b-but Eddie! Killing is wrong!” for the sake of giving Carnage a second wind.

Eventually, Venom punched Carnage so hard that Carnage’s brain ghosts went away. Knowing Carnage was more of a threat this way, Venom tackled him into a transformer. After the explosion, Cletus was knocked out and Venom got to weakly sneak away. Hey, good for him!

Venom: Carnage Unleashed

Venom was so popular that we got Carnage. Carnage’s initial storyline was so popular that we got Maximum Carnage. Maximum Carnage was so popular that we got a Maximum Carnage video game. Then we got Venom: Carnage Unleashed, a comic based on the popularity of the Maximum Carnage video game. It…wasn’t all too popular.

Still, it did give us the rarely used plot device that symbiotes can travel through phone lines and the internet! Symbiotes really are like pre-Crisis Superman where you can give them whatever power and people will just go with it no matter how ridiculous. As Carnage escaped from Ravencroft and commandeered a security tank, Venom eventually caught up with him and they had a fight on a runaway vehicle through traffic. Carnage eventually won when Venom got slammed by an oncoming train.

Their final battle here is a big pile of “That’s not how any of this works!” The two characters send symbiote tendrils into the internet, which were rendered on the Times Square big screen as the two brawled in cyberspace. Venom destroyed a nearby heatsink, which blasted both and knocked them out of the internet.

Carnage was ready for another go, but his kidnapped psychiatrist set him on fire and caused him to fall out a window. Venom reached through the phone lines and out the window to catch the falling Cletus because dying is WHAT HE WANTS. Which… no, that’s not true at all. Hell, even in Maximum Carnage, Cletus was freaked out about the possibility of dying.

Venom: On Trial

So there was a big Spider-Man/Scarlet Spider/Venom team-up called Planet of the Symbiotes that culminated in a 40-foot-tall Carnage, but there was never a specific Venom vs. Carnage moment, so I won’t go into it. Venom’s ’90s antihero run did have a storyline where Eddie was arrested and put on trial for all of his many crimes. Cletus Kasady was brought in as a star witness, which was an invitation for him to freak out and go on a killing rampage. I mean, seriously, guys. Come on. You should know better.

This story went all-in on Venom wrecking Carnage. Again, Spider-Man would interrupt and give Carnage a chance to turn things around. This time though, Venom decided to ride the wave by sneaking away while Spider-Man and Daredevil took on Carnage. Realizing that the two didn’t have a chance, Venom picked up a couple syringes filled with dopamine blocker and sprung into action. He smacked Carnage around, injected the blocker into his neck, and watched as the symbiote retracted into Cletus’ body.

Venom Triumphant

Howard Mackie wrote Spider-Man comics for a long while and he had an annoying tendency when it came to storytelling. He would come up with an interesting, if nonsensical, idea that would shake up the status quo, but instead of following up on that and using it to tell an actual story, he would just forget about it and move to the next idea that popped into his head. He was one of the main reasons why the Spider-Man Clone Saga was such a mess.

In the 10th issue of Peter Parker, Spider-Man, Venom broke into the prison where Carnage was being held. Despite the legion of heavily armed guards with flamethrowers and sonic guns, Venom killed them all so quickly that the artist didn’t even show it. Cletus, for some reason, figured Venom was trying to break him out of prison, but instead Venom was there to absorb the Carnage symbiote. Carnage barely put up a fight. Pieces of the symbiote were on him, but he didn’t fully transform or try to defend himself. Venom simply pulled the symbiote off of him and ate it, becoming stronger.

After this issue, there was barely any follow-up to this.

Venom vs. Carnage

This miniseries came out at a really weird time for those involved. Carnage was just a couple months away from being torn in half by the Sentry and being written out of comics for years. Venom was appearing in Marvel Knights Spider-Man where Eddie Brock got rid of the symbiote and it bounced around to different hosts until landing on Mac Gargan. Meanwhile there was a Venom ongoing that was more about a symbiote clone where Eddie Brock only appeared for a couple late issues.

In other words, in the Venom vs. Carnage miniseries by Peter Milligan and Clayton Crain, even the creative team had no idea who Venom’s host was supposed to be. Luckily, the story wasn’t about Venom or Carnage, but a new character who would quickly fall into obscurity anyway.

Venom and Carnage swung around New York City, giving the exposition. The Carnage symbiote was pregnant and Venom was explaining that there was nothing to do to stop the creature from going into labor. Venom was all about protecting the new spawn while Carnage wanted to destroy it, immediately. Carnage got the better of Venom by flinging him into the distance. Regardless, the explosive birth wore out Carnage so much that he could only plant the baby onto a nearby cop and escape to rest up.

When the two had a rematch, Venom was there to save the baby symbiote (Toxin) and its host (Pat Mulligan). As if getting revenge for that Carnage Unleashed story, Venom brought the fight to the subway and pushed Carnage into an oncoming train.

And… that’s really all the Venom vs. Carnage we get in Venom vs. Carnage! Once Venom sees that Toxin is a good guy and capable of kicking Carnage’s ass, he gets afraid of Toxin befriending Spider-Man and decides to team up with Carnage for once.

Carnage, USA

Carnage returned from his maiming at the hands of the Sentry, albeit without a bottom half. By then, a lot had happened with Venom. The symbiote was removed from Mac Gargan and joined with war hero Flash Thompson. Agent Venom went on to join the Secret Avengers.

Carnage, USA told the story of Cletus expanding his symbiote to overtake an entire town in the middle of nowhere. When various heroes went to oppose him, the Carnage symbiote ended up taking over Captain America, Wolverine, Hawkeye, and the Thing. When gaining a moment of clarity, Cap called in Agent Venom for help.

Read more

Movies

Venom 2 Trailer Breakdown – All the Marvel and Carnage References

By Gavin Jasper

Comics

Venom: Who is Carnage?

By Gavin Jasper

In their first meeting, Agent Venom easily took down Carnage with some explosive projectiles that came with sonic shrapnel. Then when getting ready for the kill – say it with me everyone – Spider-Man got in his face and went, “No! Don’t kill!” Carnage recovered, and overwhelmed Venom with his army of Carnage’d heroes. Then another obscure symbiote hero, Scorn, popped in to run Venom and Carnage over with a bulldozer and bring them into a facility that would blast their symbiotes off the hosts.

While Cletus and Flash had a fight based around the novelty that both were legless, the Venom symbiote latched onto a gorilla and ran for its life against an entire zoo full of animals with the Carnage symbiote. After almost being taken down by a Carnage lion (Spider-Man with the save), the gorilla returned to Flash and gave him the power to bring Cletus into custody.

As for the town-wide Carnage symbiote, most of it was taken out by an airstrike.

Minimum Carnage

Following up on Agent Venom, he had his own team-up arc with Scarlet Spider (Kaine) with the fun dynamic of a Venom who doesn’t want to kill and a Spider-Man who does. The two chased Carnage into the Microverse, where Carnage was able to create an army of symbiote clones. While Agent Venom was able to decapitate Carnage, the villain had attained some level of power where his body is more overall fluid and animated. In this case, Carnage could just reattach his head with no problem.

Although Flash had sedated his own symbiote and lacked the monstrous advantage, he was able to wipe out a bunch of the clones by amplifying his own inner sorrow outward through the Venom symbiote. Strangely, that’s not the first time Venom was able to do that. What’s left of Carnage slinked away, cackling.

Carnage and the clones returned to Earth and Voltron’d themselves into a giant Carnage. As Carnage tried to devour Agent Venom, Venom shoved a sonic grenade down Carnage’s throat and let the blast do the rest, taking out the enlarged Carnage symbiote almost completely. In the aftermath, Scarlet Spider jabbed one of his claws through Cletus’ eye and lobotomized him.

Venomverse

Venomverse is about a series of Venom hosts from different realities coming together to fight beings called Poisons. Under normal circumstances, Poisons are harmless. If one of them makes physical contact with a symbiote and its host, it transforms them into a nigh-unbeatable crystal-like creature with the Poison in control. By this point, Eddie Brock was Venom again and joined with all sorts of random symbiote heroes to the point that he came off as just a regular dude.

With their back against the wall, Eddie came up with an idea. They brought in Carnage from an alternate universe as a ringer. At first, Carnage fought against the Venoms, but they were reluctant to fight back. Once he saw the Poisons and understood that the Venoms wanted him to kill an army of twisted superheroes, he gladly joined their ranks. He just let them know that once he was done with the Poisons, he’d kill them next.

He ended up being a huge help, especially since the Poisons had a hard time bonding to the Carnage symbiote. Carnage died in an explosion fighting Poisons alongside Poison Deadpool (who was able to bypass his Poison’s mental control).

There was a sequel to this called Venomized where the Poisons returned and tried to invade Earth. They kidnapped Cletus, forced him to bond to an alternate universe Venom, and then bonded that to a Poison. While he was referred to as “Carnage” at times, the Carnage symbiote was never involved, so I’m going to skip this one.

But where was the Carnage symbiote during all of this?

The Red Goblin

At one point, Norman Osborn became the host for Carnage to give us a climactic villain to finish off Dan Slott’s lengthy run on Amazing Spider-Man. Knowing that Spider-Man was out of his league, J. Jonah Jameson decided to fight fire with fire by calling up Eddie Brock and blackmailing him into aiding Spider-Man. This led to a brief fight of Spider-Man, Venom, and repulsor-wielding Mary Jane against the Red Goblin.

Venom and Red Goblin brawled for a bit, but Red Goblin appeared to be immune to the usual symbiote weaknesses, so only Venom took damage. While he got some hits in, Eddie was too exhausted to continue. Instead he offered the symbiote to Spider-Man to give him the extra boost. This brief team-up allowed the two vigilante enemies to finally bury their lengthy rivalry.

Absolute Carnage

Now we get to Donny Cates’ bonkers run on Venom. Cletus had been resurrected and turned back into Carnage via a bunch of cultists who worshipped Knull, God of Symbiotes. Carnage then started going around eating the spines of those who were once host to a symbiote, getting stronger by the meal. Dark Carnage first fought Venom in a subway and easily overpowered him. Still, Venom got the win by grabbing onto the third rail while holding onto Dark Carnage. It was enough to knock Carnage loopy while Venom could get away and seek out help.

Venom and Spider-Man sought out Norman Osborn (who believed himself to be Cletus Kasady after the Red Goblin episode) and were ambushed by an army of inmates possessed by Carnage symbiotes. Overwhelmed, the two heroes broke through a wall and swung off into the night.

Venom got involved in another big fight against an army of Carnages and could have killed Osborn, but instead chose to save a wounded Mac Gargan nearby and brought him to safety. The Venom symbiote wasn’t happy with this and later left Eddie for Bruce Banner, giving us a fight between Venom Hulk and Dark Carnage. This turned out to be a dire choice, as Dark Carnage tore into Hulk’s brain, caused him to shrink back to Banner, then ate his spine. Carnage was stronger than ever.

Meanwhile, mad scientist the Maker had a machine that took the “symbiote codex” stuff Carnage was looking for out of former hosts without the nasty “tearing out their spinal column” part. Eddie unleashed the codex collection onto himself, turning him into a more powerful version of Venom. As he took on Cletus one last time, Carnage made note that Venom was screwed no matter what. Either Carnage killed and ate Eddie’s son Dylan or Eddie killed Carnage, which would wake up Knull and drive him to Earth.

Venom summoned the Necrosword to cut through Carnage, destroying him once and for all. For a time, at least.

Prelude to Knull

Wouldn’t you know it, killing Dark Carnage caused Eddie to absorb the Carnage symbiote into himself. Soon he was separated from Venom and stuck on an island while being bonded against his will to the Carnage symbiote. Dylan was able to remotely control the Venom symbiote and transformed it into a giant Venom T-rex. Like it wasn’t even bonding onto a dinosaur or anything. It was just the size and shape of a tyrannosaurus just because.

Eddie and Dylan had a dreamlike meeting in their minds while Carnage Eddie chopped down at the Venom dino. Eventually, the power of familial love was enough to overpower the Carnage symbiote and blow it up. Eddie rejoined with the Venom symbiote, and a little piece of Carnage latched onto a nearby shark to swim off and fight another day.

Okay, then! Phew! Going by every Venom vs. Carnage fight, I’ve judged them so that there have been six draws, eight victories for Carnage, and nine victories for Venom.

Congratulations, black ooze. Here’s hoping your red offspring doesn’t turn the tide at the box office.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage will be released in theaters on Oct. 1.

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[valentina-gg]

Missing you - Chris Evans x reader

Request:  Hello can you do a cevans x reader where the reader is a very famous pop singer and actress (she’s a part of the avengers) so the reader is dating cevans and they have not seen each other for a while since she finished filming her part for the avengers movie and went on a worldwide stadium tour. Then cevans and the avengers squad went to see one of her concert. Thank u so much. - anon

A/N: HIYAAAA, sorry for taking this long, I’ve been havind trouble with my internet connection. I hope you like it and feel free to send more requests. I love you all 💗💗

Being a full-time actress and singer wasn’t easy.

As soon as you finished filming your scenes for the avengers you had to go on a stadium tour. You weren’t complaining, though. You loved stages, seeing people singing along to your songs, dancing and having so much fun was very satisfactory to you. But it had its drawbacks too.

You found extremely hard to be so far away from the man you love for such a long time. Chris found it hard too, but he knew how to handle it. He would call you via FaceTime pretty often, even send you photos and videos of him and Dodger. Sometimes, he would even send you flowers and chocolates.

He wasn’t the only one you were missing, you missed everyone on set. RDJ would always joke about him preparing our wedding, when we weren’t even engaged. Scarlett and Chris had a special friendship, they knew each other very well, so whenever you and Chris had a fight you would always go to her.  She always knew what to say.

You were in the middle of the tour now, meaning that you still had many concerts on the list before finishing and going back home to you man. However, you could not get distracted because you had a lot of work to do. Going to rehearsals was the first thing today.

After a long morning of rehears, you went back to the hotel room and prepared a bath, you needed it before tonight. Suddenly, you phone vibrated.

You saw the name of the person who sent it.

Hubby

You smiled, remembering why you had used that for his contact name.

“I’m telling you, honey, we are getting married, maybe not today, tomorrow or next year, but we are.”

“Really? How so sure, Evans?”

“Life wants it that way, sorry, you’re not getting rid of me, you’ll be my wifey.”

“Well, then you’ll be my hubby.”

It was a silly conversation; you couldn’t even remember why or how started. After a moment of melancholy, you went back to reading the message.

Hubby

I miss you x

Along with that came a photo of Chris and Dodger and you couldn’t resist as you started crying. Not because you were sad, well, you were a bit sad because of the distance, but you were crying because, for the first time in your life, you had found a man that made you feel extremely loved.

You looked at him and you just loved him. And it terrified you. It terrified you the thing you would do for him.

The time to get ready for the concert had arrived, so you went to the stadium and started to get dressed. You decided to wear a t-shirt you had stolen from Chris, at this point, everyone knew you were dating, so you didn’t care.

As the concert started and you sang, you stopped yourself to look at people’s faces, how happy they were to be there. You were in the middle of a song you had written about Chris when suddenly you saw him.

He was there.

He was there with Scarlett, Jeremy, Robert, Mark and Chris. First row.

When the concert finished you had to do a meet and greet, and you met incredible people. All the fans that would come were telling you how great the concert was, how fantastic you were and how much they loved you.

That was convenient because you loved them too.

When the M&G was over, Chris came in and you literally threw yourself to him.

“I’ve missed you so much, you know?”

“I missed you too.” He said as he kissed you lips very softly.

And just like that, both of you melted in a beautiful loving kiss that you wish it would never end.

[probableelf]

Detroit recap 3/8/20

Ok, I promised a couple people a concert review for last night so here goes. Set list, pictures, a couple of videos, and whatever my sleep-deprived brain can remember under the cut.

We (me and @clarwyn​ and our cousin) got there about an hour ahead of doors, and there were only a couple people outside, which was surprising until we got to the front door and found that they were actually lining people up inside, which was nice! Turned out there was about one full row of people in front of us and we ended up in the second row, dead center. Really, really cool spot—I think closer would have just been harder to see the whole stage.

They are still using the Gypsy intro, which has good energy to it to walk (or run, if you’re Marty) out to. The first song was Dead, which kind of tickles me for some reason. Like ‘Here’s an introduction of what we’re *really* about, folks.’ Then we got the self-titled track, and warmed up our dance moves with Twisting (I can still twist.) We Want a Rock was the first song that hit me hard as a ‘everybody is singing this and I’m singing it and they’re watching me sing it and it’s both weird and good’ moment. I get a lot of those in the second row, apparently.

They took a talking break and, as usual, were very, very funny. I’m going to get these out of order but I think this was where Flans asked Linnell if he’d been out and done anything that day, and Linnell said he’d basically just napped because it had been a long drive from Chicago. He was happy that he had coffee, which he’d made with a paper towel instead of a filter but it was not bad.  Flans said he’d been out sleeping in public places, and then stressed that he was not a heroin addict. Linnell agreed that they were not heroin addicts but pointed out that “only heroin addicts have to say that. Thank you for coming to our intervention.”

More Flood tracks next, I thought they followed the feel of the album really closely on Minimum Wage (kind of amazing for a sample-based track). Hearing Aid got some excellent Kaoss Pad action as I recall. All very cool. Particle Man got the Main Squeeze pulled out, of course, and they are using the Sun Ra breakdown (“Triangle Man take off for the planet... Venus!”) and making a proper deal about it; Curt gets to stretch out a little on that one and it’s fun.

Here’s the video I took for StillooB, complete with intro banter: pardon my inability to hold still for this song (I was kind of trying to sing quietly along, in the hopes that there would be a contingent of us in the front who know at least some of the words, because I think that could be as funny for them as the song is to us; luckily my singing isn’t audible on the video!)

Letterbox was next and that I sang as gustily as I could, even though those are very hard lyrics to keep up with. Somewhere around then I experienced the Linnell Stare (TM) complete with grin aimed at my section of the audience and my second-row concert-going experience was fully complete. Gaaaaah.

EDIT 2: I’m not sure anymore which song they introduced this way, but judging from the setlist is was probably Lucky Ball and Chain; they told us they hardly ever did fadeouts on their albums, and in fact originally could have practically defined themselves as “the band that doesn’t do fadeouts”; however this song would have one.  Flans then told us he had heard a supercut of the endings of AC/DC songs, who also evidently didn’t do fadeouts; he then proceeded to show us on guitar how all the songs ended: *bam. Bam, bam. BAM.*  I looked this up and it sounds exactly how he played it:

https://dangerousminds.net/comments/how_should_we_end_this_hilarious_supercut_of_ac_dc_song_endings

After playing Lucky Ball and Chain, Flans admitted that he couldn’t remember what was next in the set, and while he went over to the music stand on stage right to check, Linnell said it started with a buzzer sound, and also that it was off of Flood (which was obvious, as they were playing a Flood-only set). Clarwyn and I had different but related experiences here, which I shall relate: I heard somebody quietly call out “Hot Cha”, and I was feeling bold enough so I shouted it quite a bit louder. Unbeknownst to me, she had also shouted something, which she told me after was “That narrows it down!” Flans, having checked his set list, returned to the front of the stage and pointed in our direction, saying something like “Oh, hey, talkative girl! I see they let you go out!” I am pretty sure I turned beet-red while frantically looking around me, absolutely sure he meant me (and hoping he didn’t, like, somehow recognize me as the social-media-happy over-submitter-to-their-tumblr I am!) She says she thought he meant her, though. After a couple seconds Flans apologized with a “don’t worry, that was a joke!” and they proceeded to play Hot Cha. It took me the length of that song to stop feeling totally embarrassed, but I managed to get over it by dancing and singing along to everything.

They finished out Flood (except Istanbul), and Birdhouse followed by Road Movie was a good ending, with the added middle verse in Road Movie that nobody seems to know yet (I couldn’t remember it even though I’ve heard it), and then the Flood set was over.  Flans informed us they were going to take a 15 minute break for the next 45 minutes (it was actually about 20).

Set two started as a quiet storm trio set, starting with Music Jail (very nice on acoustic guitar and accordion, plus Marty on the electronic kit). Apparently Flans has been writing “2018” on the set lists to mean 2082, which makes me laugh. (Also the song makes me laugh!) I think this was the one where Marty drummed on Flans’ guitar in a number of key measures with his mallets, and Flans said it was the first time they’d done that live, and it absolutely killed me, especially when Flans accidentally moved to far away and Marty had to really reach. Flans said people might not want to do that with their expensive guitars, and Linnell replied they might not want to do it with their expensive mallets.

EDIT: They introduced 2082 (I think it was this one) with a little segue about how they had tested the song in front of test audiences and found out that people like hyper-violent songs.  They also played Wicked Little Critta in this set and Linnell went back to the Kaoss Pad and keyboard for that, of course. He’s either getting pretty amazingly good at pitch on the Kaoss, or else he’s found a way to modulate the pitch through the keyboard at the same time, vocoder-style (I’m pretty sure I saw him doing the latter).

The crew struck the stage after the quiet storm to the tune of the Underwater Woman music video, which always kinda chokes me up. Ugh, those lyrics. And that bass line.

Further continuing my tendency to be a little choked up in the second set, they came back and played Wearing a Raincoat (!) next which I have never heard live before and which I have connected to on a personal level since I first heard it, for reasons. Oh man.

After that, more new and not-quite-new high energy songs followed and I danced my little feet off to Communists and waved my arms to increasing speed to Damn Good Times and sang my heart out to New York City even though I have never been there.

Curt Ramm played as good an Istanbul intro as I have heard before and we all tried very hard to scream at the right spots. I noticed he wiggles his eyebrows really hard when he’s trying to get us to do that. The Theme from Flood ended the set, which they informed us they had just learned was the optimal length for washing your hands. Flans thanked us for being a good audience, telling us that audiences that weren’t as fun were, in fact, less fun.

EDIT: No issues with the new Arturia MIDI controller, that I saw. Apparently the kinks have been worked out!  Linnell did brag about his new keyboard stand, which he said he got because people had been asking him how long he was going to keep using the old keyboard stand, so he got a new one that looks just like the old one (same color blue, at least, and still looks like a desk!)  He joked that he was storing his sandwiches in it.

They left the stage and we all set about clapping very hard to request an encore. After the usual length of time they came back, and we must have been clapping particularly hard at that point because Flans stopped us and informed us that the whole wait offstage during clapping was a bit of theater that they had instituted long ago so they would not look too nervous by running offstage and then right back on stage, admitting that of course they were nervous so it was all just theater anyway. “But that’s the nature of theater.” He also said something like “we’re asking you to give us something that isn’t actually good for us” which was a very humanizing take on the nature of applause and the performance/audience relationship, I thought.

I approximately died and went to Heaven when they brought out Fingertips for encore #1, and I managed to pull myself together in time to capture it on slightly less mobile video:

EDIT 3: I get no end of amusement watching the security guard’s face in that video, he does NOT look like he understands what he is listening to at all.

This was followed by Doctor Worm which is so. Good. Live.

They went offstage again, we clapped them back on, and Linnell asked “was that the full sixty seconds?” Then they played End of the Tour, which I got very choked up in, under what felt like some particularly intense Linnell-Staring, and which I was sure was the end of the show.

It wasn’t! They followed it with The Guitar, which is my absolute favorite thing to see live, period. Only one very tiny keyboard-playing hop from Linnell, like he tried it and decided it was rather too energetic a move at that time of night, but still fantastic. I did not take the same approach and dug for my reserves of bouncing energy for that song, because it was totally worth it.

Clarwyn got a set list from Marty, we grabbed a late fast food supper at McDonalds, got a bit turned around by our GPS and then drove our very long drive home.

Here is Clarwyn’s set list:

[marthfador]

Stole this from Twitter lol. Lost the og post but here’s the blank!

I tried to go for some bands that aren’t as completely well-known as well as some popular ones. I even tried to add some albums I’m fond of for those that I can tell the difference with! Breakdown and song recs under the cut! 

(U don’t gotta for the meme, I just like talkin abt music lol)

Going by rows, we’ll start with Gorillaz. They’re usually the band I mention if someone asks my favs because I’ve been with em since their first album. All of their albums are really good, but I think I’ve had the most fun with Plastic Beach! Humanz is probably my next choice followed by Demon Days. An underrated song from Humanz is Out of Body!

Daft Punk is another group I’ve been with since Discovery, which is quite frankly still one of the best albums out there. Everyone loves One More Time and Harder Better Faster Stronger but one of their overlooked songs that I’m fond of is Face To Face!

Nine Inch Nails.... SIGH. Gotta be that edge, right? But let’s be fair, I’ve gone to the past like 5-6 concerts they’ve put on, I can’t say I’m NOT a fan lmfao. No fav albums since again... 5-6 concerts. That’s 5-6 album drops. They’re all so good. Not to mention I love Trent Reznor... One song I’d say doesn’t get as much attention as the rest is God Given. (But again... Ow the Edge)

Studio Killers! Hello! The band Tumblr has babied up since they first started... I even cosplayed as Cherry for the one con I went to haha. Everyone knows the Ode to the Bouncer, Jenny.... But the most absolute BOP that I’ve fallen in love with the instant I bought their album was Friday Night Gurus. Just WAIT til the chorus, okay!!!

Scissor Sisters start the next row and like... What can you even say about them. I’m surprised they aren’t more of a thing here on Tumblr, their music is so catchy and bouncy and they sing about the wildest things, not to mention I’m pretty sure most of the band is LGBT in some way! While I try to aim for the more vague songs, Don’t Feel Like Dancing is my jam morning noon and night. (Also just LOOK at that video!)

In This Moment was actually a surprise get for me. I first got to see them opening up for another couple of bands and they absolutely stole the show. If you can ever get the chance, see them in concert!! I describe her as the Lady Gaga of metal- her outfits are fantastic and she’s got some hella backup dancers! As for songs, the list goes on... Whore, Blood, Black Widow... But here, have her singing with Judas Priest in Black Wedding. Yes, another edgy band but it’s metal, what do you expect.

Janelle Monae’s entire Dirty Computer album is fantastic and if you haven’t watched the little movie she’s shot to go with it, go do it now! It’s on youtube, what are you even waiting for!! We all love Pynk, The Way You Feel, Crazy Classic Life... But not gonna lie, Americans still gives me chills when I hear it. Not only is it a bop but Janelle def doesn’t shy away from Shooting Shots.

Beck lmfao. I honestly wouldn’t have thought to add him if it wasn’t for the concert I managed to get tickets to not long ago. His concert was PHENOMENAL, not to mention this new album of his was so fun and catchy... I just can’t help now but to say I love him. Not to mention his older hits like Where It’s At and Loser... Colors and Up All Night are so good but the song that blew my mind in concert and I had to get the instant I got home was Saw Lightening.

Des Rocs actually popped up on my Pandora and I had to look him up! Not only do I dig the whole look and aesthetic (black leather jacket wearing greaser guys? Hell yea) but I absolutely do love the sound. It’s got this retro rock feel and like... If you could Bang a Voice, I’d def choose this one lmao. Let Me Live/Let Me Die was the one that started it for me... But don’t miss out on Used To the Darkness either!

Mitski... It actually took me a few times to get onto this Tumblr train but once I got there I wallowed in it. Most of her songs are on my Sad Bitch Hours playlist but you know what? I’d describe listening to her music as sort of cathartic, I can lay down and stare at the ceiling listening to Mitski for an hour and somehow feel rejuvenated. I think Geyser was actually the one that got me into liking her, but Pink In the Night and Strawberry Blonde of course are good.

Florence and the Machine is kinda in the same playlist as Mitski, but I do absolutely love a lot of her songs. Many of them make me rather emotional (My work started playing Hunger and I nearly teared up at the register? Wtf?) but I think that’s kinda why I dig it. Dog Days Are Over is gonna always be my most favorite of them, but if you want one I don’t see many others chatting about, go for Cosmic Love. Big God is also a wonderful video if you haven’t seen it yet.

I’ve already talked and mentioned the Dead South in a previous post, but man do I love these boys! People talk about Gothic Cowboys and boy do these guys deliver. Their songs can be about death, adultery, literally losing your mind, so many other sort of dark topics but with such a catchy tune! Long Gone is a song that I get stuck in my head quite often!

Gogol Bordello... Wow, there’s so much I can say about this band. I believe the lead singer is from the Ukraine, his pal on the fiddle is from a country I cannot pronounce, he has twin backup dancers that are Swedish-Chinese, he has a guitar player from Honduras- this really is just a rag-tag group of people from all over the place making some fantastic music! I was lucky enough to see them in concert and their energy is off the fucking charts, I absolutely adore this group! Most people learn of them from Start Wearing Purple, one of my faves tho has to be When the Trickster Starts A-Pokin’... Also they performed with Madonna once? Hello? (Also I’m in love with Sergio’s fiddlin tbh)

Sofi Tukker is another artist I stumbled upon while listening to Pandora. It seems like many of her songs have a different style than the others, but they’re all so very catchy and have a wonderful energy to them. Speaking of... The song that got me into her best was Energia. I literally cannot listen to this song without moving a little to it, it’s such a poppy and fun song! For an English song though, try Best Friend. (Batshit Crazy is one I find funny too!)

Gold Fish was one I actually had to dig for at the time- one of their songs was playing in the background of one of those shitty Kia Hamster commercials lmfao. It was SUCH a bop even in the commercial that I had to find it! (It was Fort Knox btw) Again, as a lot of my poppy choices here, there’s such a good energy and upbeat sound to everything they do, it’s wonderful listening to. I actually love putting these guys on when doing chores around the house, it’s fun and gets the energy flowing and makes things a little more enjoyable! One that I also love to turn people towards is Get Busy Living. If you can’t tell between these two songs, they’re actually a sort of DJ-ish band- different vocalists and different sounds mixed in, but it’s all very well done!

Jain, another found treasure from a commercial... (Makeba was in a Levi’s commercial lol) I was reading that she was born in France, went to live in India for schooling, and wound up in South Africa to learn different musical stylings there- and it all very well feels like her music flows with all these different influences! I hate when stores use the generic word “ethnic” but I think her music and voice can very well fit in that sort of category. She’s got a lot of bouncy, poppy songs, but also a few more mellow songs as well... But of course I really love the bouncy stuff haha. If you need a song to get your heart pumping in the morning, I’d def recommend Star! A stranger sort of song that still has a great feel is Hope! 

[jackshithere]

Entire Anakonda in Netz documentary (transcribed) 4/4

part 1 part 2 part 3

The band travels separately these days. We used to always go together. After all this time each of us travels as he wants. While the others fly, I'll often go with the crew in the bus. They even hired a plane once. They really like it because they weren't constrained by flight times anymore. You just fly when you want to. I like having a home while I'm on tour. Once you've set yourself up in the bus, it's nice to sleep in the same bed. Everyone has their own little corner. Four or five people sit at the back, drink wine, watch a movie. If you get along with them, it's actually quite nice.

Since I get to know countries by taste, Everywhere we go, I always know what I want to eat. That irritates some. In France, I like to eat 'merguez'. In Finland, we go fishing at a lake. We try to do the obvious things. In England, we eat fish & chips, drink tea... The classics are usually the best. And when you find them, you're pleased. In Japan, we eat sushi or some other Japanese food. Often, we try to take the initiative. We go to a good cafe for breakfast instead of at the hotel. We check out the cities and walk around.

Travel is part of the job. Sometimes it's a blessing, sometimes a curse. Of course, it's nice to go somewhere you've never been before. You wouldn't have gone there otherwise. You get an idea of where you might go with more time.

Iceland was unique. A little island and half of the population comes to the concert. Not too many people live there. The reception alone! At the beginning, we were brought to a hot spring called "The Blue Lagoon". The people in front of the hotel... that was completely different. Iceland is fantastic. There's glaciers, hot springs, geysers, hardly any trees, lava formations, some mountains, a beautiful coast and lots of fish and shrimp to eat. I'm not actually a city person. I come from the country. Beautiful landscapes fill me with awe.

I like to travel, but not in the services of Rammstein. That's work. It depends on what you like... but the Amazon is definitely worth a visit. That's adventurous... a real adventure! You can get a nasty disease very quickly. You can also see river dolphins, anacondas, sloths, or go fishing for piranhas. Our guide there was related to an Indian. When they started drinking, we went fishing. We netted an anaconda. Two actually, we released one... and the other one was dead. Then we skinned it. Now it hangs in my friend's room. It's 7 metres long.

 Why do people go on polar expeditions? There's nothing to see there. Something attracts you. It's hard to describe why you travel. You don't realise until you're back home again. Where you can profit from the memories for a long time. You've got a kind of inner store. When things aren't going well, you just go inside and get a glass of travel preserves for your soul, open it and fill up on it.

In the early days, this was a major difference for me. On tour, I could completely escape from the world at home. After 3 or 4, weeks I had left it behind. We toured longer back then, two months straight sometimes. It was like a new world for me and I often fell for the other countries. I thought that I had to live there and that it was better there. They were worlds apart for me. At home it was very difficult to find my footing again, to get back to my normal life. It took weeks to get used to everything again. Now where I've done that so often and am more familiar with it, I've become more professional. Now I know it's my work! I don't lose myself emotionally so much.

My world view has become more flexible for certain things. You become cooler about a lot of things. You can sit around telling stories. Shooting videos often involves long waiting times. Someone says suddenly, "Do you remember when?" And next thing you know, we're retelling old yarns. How we sat in the jungle in Australia, looking at the night sky.

Earlier on, we always went wild after the concerts. We were always shouting and screaming! We had to get rid of the adrenalin. Something always got smashed. Now we know how charged we are. So we leave the quality discussions for later. Otherwise, things quickly get coarse and we lose all objectivity!

You have to find something to do after the show to dissipate all of this energy. You need a vent, some kind of meditation afterwards. You've absorbed the energy of 20,000 people and this is stuck inside. After, it's like being dropped suddenly. You've got to balance it out. I still haven't found the right way.

I like to shower quickly, get rid of the make-up, then go to the bus or hotel. I don't like to hang around the venue.

First you're happy to have done it. Then you take a shower, if there's water... Then you drink a beer, so you can sleep!

(Show a photo) This is the exact reason why I do it. That's the moment of complete synchronicity, between intention and effect! Whatever you beam from stage is received. This is the greatest thing that can happen to you!

I go away for a long time, when the role is over.

(i love this man so much)

I like to do just nothing, the whole day long. Lie in bed, get up, walk around town, drink a coffee, and let the day be the day, which I rarely do. The things people do at the weekend are things I never get to do. But I'd like to.

Coming home is pure luxury for me. I can cook my own food again, go to bed, I don't have to talk to anybody.

With Rammstein, we've only ever had 2 weeks off in summer. Just stay put somewhere, that's something we haven't done in 10 years. And I'm going to enjoy it big-time! Just go somewhere and stay there.

Before, after? I don't know. A half-hour after the concert, the atmosphere is still there. You can feel the audience's energy, the warmth... then everything gets taken apart and everyone does their job. It's very strange. The concert magic was just there... After the last note rings out and the credits start to roll, the hall lights go on, the people leave, and everyone starts with their work, packing everything quickly away. You see that you're alive for just a moment. You're there briefly, it happens... and then it's history...

[neighbours-kid]

Count Your Blessings

I had this moment of....realisation of how lucky I am, a while ago, and after watching Shazam! last night and talking about Zac with my friend, it really hit me again. 

You know, I don‘t really remember much of, well, I guess you could call it my personality, from when I was a child? I know that I liked certain things and disliked others, I know who my friends were and stuff I did on a more or less regular basis. But I don‘t really know what kind of person I was when I was younger.

As a kid, I liked reading, I liked the Harry Potter books. I know I liked playing board and card games with my family, I know I liked playing video games with my brother. I know I liked Pokémon and that I watched both anime and cartoons on TV. I know I liked playing outside with my friends, climbing on trees, playing football, just doing stuff in nature.

I remember liking some TV shows when I got older, liking going to the movies with family and friends. I remember going over to a friend‘s house to play video games.

I remember these things about my life but I don‘t remember who I was within those things. That sort of changes around and after sixth grade. I know that by the time I went to another school after my compulsory education, I quickly became known as the nerd. The kid who knows way too much about movies and tv shows and actors, who can recall dubbing voices and what the guy in the movie you‘re watching is best known for.

I‘ve always liked knowing things and knowing a lot about the actors that starred in my favourite movies and the shows just became part of that. It became so much part of it that one of my friends just had to turn around to look at me while we watched Wilde in class for me to immediately go “Jude Law. Watson to RDJ’s Holmes. The other guy at the beginning was Orlando Bloom. Lord of the Rings. Pirates of the Caribbean.” and she just turned back as if that had been the most normal interaction in the entire world. People became surprised when I didn’t know things.

To this day, I have people who met me during the start of that time, people who I barely see and barely know, come up to me whenever I meet them, and ask me if there’s anything worth watching right now. To so many people, both close friends and people I see maybe once a year, if at all, I have become a walking movie and tv show encyclopedia.

And to be honest, for a while I got really fed up with that, because I knew that this part of my personality was not all there is. I wanted to tell people, I am more than just that! And yeah, I am more than just that. But fuck yeah, I talk about movies a shit ton and I fucking love it.

So when, the other day, I was talking about seeing Shazam! this Friday with someone using the words “gotta see my dude being a superstar”, and upon them asking who the actor is, went through the spiel of “you know the show Chuck? You know Thor’s friend Fandral in the second two Thor movies?” and, when they started googling him, also, for some reason, mentioned his birthday and zodiac sign, I got a face I hadn’t seen in a long while. That of surprise, maybe a bit of confused shock, and wonder. I hadn’t heard the question “how on earth do you know that?” in so long, because it just became normal for people to assume I knew that.

And when I recalled that I had met Zac at SDCC, told a bit about that experience and then jokingly mentioned that I could also tell them about his fashion choices — a necklace in particular —, I felt that surge of gratitude again that had hit me weeks before when I saw Zac wearing the necklace while on the cover of a magazine.

So when I watched Shazam! last night, saw the big pop-up display for the movie, the posters, and his big ol’ face all over the place, it just really hit me again.

You know, I’m not oblivious to the fact that he is a celebrity, even if I hate that word. I know that he has a massive fanbase and that I am only one of many who admire him. I am not trying to put him on a pedestal, and I sure as hell don’t have delusions that I know who he is in private, that I can say I know him as a person. All I know is who he is publicly, in interviews, interaction with fans and stuff like that.

But…having met him twice? Having seen him interact with people in front of me, how he talks to people, listens to people? Having been able to sit down with him for a moment, tell him the story behind the necklace and the reason why I wanted him to have it, and knowing that he got it? Having interacted with him, I know that who he seems to be to the public, is to a very large degree, not just a facade. I am sure that he has some things he hides away from the public, but that’s entirely fair. I don’t believe there is any person in the public eye — may that be actors, politicians, musicians, or even the fucking weather person — who does not, to a certain degree, play a part while out and about. They are just people like you and me, they have lives, bad days and good days. Hell, even I play a part sometimes.

But what I have always felt with him, through watching interviews and experiencing him in actual, real life, seeing him around fans, friends, and even family, I have only ever gotten a feeling of a deep genuineness, a sincere honesty.

I have no illusions about meaning anything to him beyond the “fan” bit, but it sure means a hell lot to me that he wears that necklace, understands its meaning. And it feels kinda nice too, when you’re told that something you’ve written has been read, or when you can see recognition on his face a year after you met the first time. And I am incredibly grateful for that, and so humbled that I got to experience that, and that I get to keep experiencing that. I am incredibly blessed.

This year is a culmination of a lot of things, in a lot of ways. Not just with Shazam! and its incredible success and the fact that people all over the world are going to see what a star Zac is, what we have known to be true all along, but also in regards to Avengers: Endgame coming out. I started down this rabbit hole of a journey seven years ago, when the first Avengers movie came out. In 2012 I really, truly became that movie obsessed weirdo that I am today, and it all started with that movie, really. It was through Avengers that I discovered my love for Loki, and thus my admiration for Tom Hiddleston, and it was through Hiddleston that I became aware of San Diego Comic-Con. And it was through both these things that I found NerdHQ and ultimately yer man Zac Levi.

God works in mysterious ways, guys. And it’s funny, because I often get this question from my mom or people at my church— if I’m so obsessed and pre-occupied with movies and tv shows and actors, do I still have time for God? And it’s funny, because they don’t understand, that this is how I find God, how I see him and his work, every day. Movies is how I have, ultimately, found renewed belief and faith. God has used both Hiddleston and Zac in ways that they can’t see, it seems. I am a kinder, more loving person, a more generous and caring human being than I was seven years ago, because I found those movies, those stories, and those people.

Huh. I am honestly just sitting here, still only barely grasping how incredibly lucky I’ve been, how blessed I am. I have made so many incredible memories, found so many great friends through this world of movies and this nerdy environment, I have seen many places and wonderful things because of it. And sitting in that cinema seat yesterday watching my dude on screen being a fucking superhero and being fantastic at it, just hit that home for me.

I am so lucky.

I am so blessed.

And it’s not just the past, either. I’ve somehow managed to find out that Zac would be at CCXP in Cologne, Germany, on the very last day of early bird sales for that event, and I had the money to book that trip. And now, without any of my doing, the opportunity to work has come up, and with that money I’ll be able to balance these expenses right out again. How fucking lucky is that?

You know, sometimes I go full Freddie Mercury and ask myself, is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy? But it is in those moments that I see the post-cards on my wall with faces on them that prove that this is real life. It is in those moments that I open instagram and see a post of Zac’s and the gold chain of that necklace pokes out of the collar of his shirt. I open twitter and I see my friends from all over the globe interacting with each other, loving each other. And I get to be part of that. How fucking cool is that?

I am so lucky. I haven’t always had it easy, I’ve gone through some shit, am still going through some shit. Life is hard, you know. But I have been so incredibly blessed and I can see so much more of that on the horizon.

I said this to my friend yesterday, but, dude, life is short.

Do the cool shit. Spend your money on concert tickets, trips to foreign countries, opportunities to see your favourite actors, musicians, authors in actual real life. Meet your heroes! They could be dead the very next day. Life is weird and complicated and short. So make the best out of it.

Fuck what other people think! Go make yourself happy.

And with that, I only have one last thing to say, to ask. Go see Shazam! Do yourself that favour. Go see it. It doesn’t matter if you’re not into superhero movies or if you don’t like DC, or whatever. Go see it. You’ll thank yourself later.

I love you, people. Be good, be kind.

.

.

.

(Thank you, Zac. Thank you for this.)

[theaerofanfics]

Starset: 1- Better Believe Beginnings (aka BBB)

A/N: So I did the thing. I made the Baysha rockstar AU fanfic all thanks to @iceicesheamy ‘s edit and @becksflair little snippet I saw on the post. Trust me, this WILL get better and hopefully it doesn’t seem messy. FYI: The song lyrics/songs I’ve come up on my own (other than the Turn it Up name since it’s basically Bay’s theme song name ;P) and if you want some of the songs in full for what they’d sing and whatnot, I can make a separate tag for them and do that as well! Okay too much rambling!

Hope you enjoy and look out for the 4hw mythical beings fic as well today! and maybe another gift ;p

“Is this good?”

“Perfect, Mrs. Martinez.”

One of the crewmen adjusted the little microphone on Sasha’s jacket and once it was fixed, she gave him a brief smile and looked at the interviewer. “Okay, so… I know this is for the documentary that the company wants us to do. Is there anything in specific to talk about, Kayla?”

Kayla grinned and shook her head. “Not really, but let’s start with the brief introduction once the camera rolls of who you are and maybe about the documentary and we’ll start from there. We want this to be as personable and unscripted as they told you when they recorded everything. We want the same with this interview portion of recounting the events.”

“Of course! Whenever you’re ready.” Kayla looked at the cameraman who stated he was ready and Kayla watched as he gave the countdown and saw the red light light up. “Hey everyone, Sasha Banks here and you’re in for a treat into the life of the Boss ‘N Hug Connection with our rockin’ tour: Ain’t No Stopping Us. This tour is probably the most interactive and personable tour we’ve had and we definitely want to have more like this.”

“Alright, fantastic.” Kayla smiled. “Why don’t we start from the beginning with the tour? With the first stop in New York and anything you can really note about that.”

“Yeah, sure.” And just with ease Sasha began to speak about the tour.

“I want the monsters to go away,

You only need to stay.

We are standing in the thunder,

Standing in the thunder,

Every single moment with you

Reminds that love comes when it wants to.

We have to be patient.

Standing in the Thunder,

We have to be humble.

Standing in the Thunder.

Falling in reverse,

Falling through the sky.

Letting the electricity

Course through us,

There’s nothing, but the two of us—”

She was cut off because Bayley kissed her. She merely smiled and giggled slightly between it before Sasha pulled away and smiled warmly. Standing in the Thunder was their song. It was the song that showed everyone their love and care for one another and it became a major hit once it came out. The music video had so many hits that Bayley almost didn’t believe this was all true. Even here and now, the duo and their bandmates singing their song to a huge crowd who was singing with them. “You know you can’t do that every time we sing.” Sasha mumbled away from the mic before moving to continue to sing.

“Watch me.” Bayley teased and winked, still playing the tune.

               The concert had ended after the song and the two women were in each other’s arms in a hug, waving to the crowd who was aww’ing at them and cheering them. The two then got off the stage and Bayley picked Sasha up and spun her around. If anyone didn’t know how they were, they’d assume their marriage was like a Disney movie. Bayley would be the prince saving the princess from the situation and they’d end up marrying. They met through the power of music, Bayley’s guitar mainly the reason Sasha was drawn to her.

Sasha laughed a bit as she was spun and once she was on the ground she kissed Bayley deeply for a moment. She then pulled away and she grinned softly. She didn’t care that the cameras for the documentary were there. She was used to them by now, especially as they used to record everything back in the day because Bayley wanted to do a documentary of their up and coming to stardom. “I love you.” She whispered to her wife.

“I love you too, babe.” Bayley stated back and she pecked her wife’s lips softly. “You sounded really good out there.”

“As did you. You and your guitar playing. My partner in crime.” Sasha laughed and pulled away from the other’s grasp. “I also will admit, our idea of bringing a few fans on stage was a nice touch.”

“I figured it’d be a good idea to give them the experience of stardom.” Bayley chuckled and shrugged before the two started to walk to their dressing room. “Plus, I wish we could have them all on stage because I’m sure many saved up the money for the tickets. I wish we didn’t make them so expensive.” Bayley sighed as they walked into their dressing room and she put her snapback on the coffee table and sat on the couch.

“I wish that too, babe. The venues are fucking expensive.” She sighed a bit. ��Maybe we can go back to our roots in San Jose? Do a concert in a field somewhere or a park and just.. You know, play and let the fans enjoy the music rather than pay with their life savings.”

“Maybe.” Bayley pulled out her phone to check out Social Media so she could update their band twitter. “The setlist by the way was good. I tend to forget you’re good at that stuff while I’m good with the creative and dressing aspect.”

“That’s because, you” Sasha moved to sit next to her wife and started to take off her shoes. “are the more creative one. You have a keen eye on the detail, remember? Our first music video we made you asked us what we all saw in ourselves.”

“Well yeah. The song was Inner Sanctum.”

Sasha laughed softly. “We should play that one when we do go to San Jose. Bring back an old but gold song.”

“Well then Inner Sanctum and Turn it Up should be added for when we go over there then. I’m sure the fans will love that kind of set.”

“Yeah though I’m sure it’ll be cool to play it more often in the sets at the other cities.” Bayley realized Sasha didn’t say anything else and looked up, seeing Sasha looking at her and she furrowed her eyebrows. “What? Is there something on my face?”

“No, no. You’re fine. I just like staring at you.”

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Sasha rolled her eyes and nudged the other before getting up, taking off her white and gold jacket she had on and putting it up on the rack. Eventually the cameras left so they could at least get dressed and once they did, Bayley looked at Sasha. “You okay?”

“Yeah, everything is fine. Why?” Sasha felt Bayley’s hand on her cheek and she touched it gently.

“I just want to make sure considering the cameras and everything. I know you’re used to it and all, but I don’t want you—”

“I’m not uncomfortable, Bay.” She said softly and pecked Bayley’s lips lightly. “We have our own documentary from when we were a local band. This doesn’t bother me, especially when we tend to actually record some concerts.”

“Okay, okay.” Bayley hugged her wife before she picked up her and Sasha’s bags, the two heading out to the back. Once they got outside, the screams were heard and they waved to the fans. They took some pictures, signed some pictures and paper, and eventually they got onto their tour bus.

Bayley collapsed into the sofa on the tour bus, laying across it. She had her hand covering her eyes and she let out a breath, relaxing. She could feel eyes on her and she spoke softly. “You really like staring at me, huh?”

“Well yes, especially when you basically lay across the couch when I wanted to sit.”

Bayley moved her hand to look at Sasha, who was playfully smirking, and she stuck her tongue out at her wife. Sasha did it in return and Bayley sat up just enough for Sasha to sit down and placed her head into her lap. She smiled warmly and the two’s gaze met again. Their world froze while the bus started to move.

“You’re staring again, Bayley.”

“Hell yeah, I am. I’m staring at a masterpiece.”

“Alright, Cassnova. Enough with the cheesiness.”

“That definitely sounds like a good time indeed.”

“It was. It was the most interactive show we’ve had and Bayley’s idea really captivated that we cared and we wanted to make sure they knew that. Without our fans, we wouldn’t be these hit sensations that we are doing features on other’s albums or doing music for movies or anything like that. This whole ride for the past few years have been... a wild rollercoaster.”

Kayla said with a grin. “tell us a bit about the Boss ‘N Hug Connection. We partially know the story for those that have found Bayley’s Youtube and saw the episodes, but not many know the story behind it all.”

Sasha lowered her gaze and a soft smile went on her face before she looked up at Kayla and then the camera. Though she wasn’t looking at the camera, Bayley was right behind the cameraman and she was smiling. It made her smile more and she began to speak. “Bayley and I were in high school, our senior year. She caught me one day after school singing in the empty band room when she goes in there to play the piano and we met. We didn’t realize we also had Physics together, but we connected instantly by having similar taste in music. After a bit, Bayley told me how she wanted to start a band and wanted a voice like mine to be the main singer and her as a backup.” Sasha smiled when she saw Bayley nod in agreement as she continued, trying not to laugh even. “She kept telling me that my voice would, and I quote, “would make men and women fall in love with not just me but the music”. Somehow, my voice was so angelic to her that she really wanted us to be a band. So, we started a band. The Boss ‘N Hug Connection was named that because I was known to be the Boss in the choir at school and Bayley just loved to hug me and somehow it just made a lightbulb hit when I said the name. So, we just stuck with it.”

“And over time, you two fell in love?”

Sasha giggled lightly and nodded. “Yes, over time we did. I guess in a way she fell in love with me and the music.” She laughed softly. “Though, if it was during that time it wouldn’t have made a difference. People kept thinking we were a couple anyways because Bay and I never left each other’s side really, especially back then. Anything music? We went together. Any interview” She said and winked at Bayley, for which Kayla noticed Bayley was in view. “we went together. We need each other for reassurance and to relieve nerves because I get nervous with interviews and Bayley works herself up and rambles.”

“Interesting. Well, continue with the tour story. You were saying that one thing you loved was how great a lover Bayley is?”

Sasha blushed. Of course she said that and of course Bayley would be in the room. She could see the cheeky, amused smirk on her wife’s face and she just spoke. “Well…”

“B—Bayley, stop.” Sasha laughed as she was getting hugged by Bayley, almost the other being a koala and hugging her tightly and from behind. “You are nuzzling into my neck and you know that tickles.”

Bayley nuzzled anyways and laughed. “I thought you loved it when I would snuggle you like this.”

“I do, but I’m trying to type up an Instagram post for us.”

“Oh? Taking a picture of us in bed, naked under the covers?”

Sasha blushed and looked back at Bayley, who was smirking. “No, I wouldn’t want to give the perverts the satisfaction of thinking it.”

“Fair.” Bayley wrapped her arms around Sasha’s waist and gave her a little squeeze. “Your mine anyways.”

“Well yeah. There’s an official paper that says so.”

Bayley mumbled something as she hid her face into her back and Sasha rolled her eyes, understanding.

“I do know what you mean, but I know I’m yours. You’re mine too. Anyways, I’m posting the picture of us backstage when we were looking out to the crowd while we were hiding and then the big one where we were sitting in front of the crowd to catch the crowd, remember?”

“Oh yeah! Jeff took that picture.” Bayley said as she lifted her hand up. Sasha nodded and she finished the post and posted it, checking twitter on the mentions and everything and she smiled as she saw all the photos there were. She could feel Bayley also looking while occasionally kissing along her neck and shoulder and she let out a relaxing breath as the tour bus was still going, heading to their next stop in New Jersey. Sasha shut her eyes briefly as she was feeling more relaxed and once she opened her eyes again she turned and kissed Bayley.

The two were lost once again in their little romance, their love just bring firework whenever they kissed, whenever they stared at one another. Bayley quietly moaned in the kiss and eventually the two separated and Sasha spoke softly. “That stressed, huh?”

Bayley chuckled lightly and ran a hand through Sasha’s purple hair. “Yeah… You take on a lot of the work and I can feel it on your shoulders. I know the tour is a lot, especially because it’s almost double of what we did before.”

“And we’re having a part two to make it triple the amount…” Sasha mumbled softly.

“Well I’m gonna make sure you’re not stressed out throughout this. Probably give us some parts of the day to have fun with games or something or—”

“Doing things like we’ve done for the past hour or so?” Sasha raised an eyebrow with a smirk on her face.

Bayley laughed. “Of course.”

“I like the sound of that. I especially like it if we end up going to play arcade games or even play the games we have or bought.” Sasha said as she sat up a little. “I’ll kick your ass in Mortal Kombat again.”

“Oh no. We’re not doing this bet again.” Bayley raised an eyebrow. “I won fair and square the first two times. You cheated last time.”

“How?”

“You played the same character!”

“You didn’t make a rule that we couldn’t.”

“You still cheated.”

“You want to try me for a fourth time then?”

“I was already between your legs, Sash.”

“Bayley.” Sasha playfully smacked Bayley’s arm before rolling her eyes.

“Let’s go for a forth time then. Let me put on a tanktop and pants.”

“Are we recording this to put in the documentary?”

“Sure, why not? Let me grab our camera.” Bayley stated as she went to get dressed. “I’m going to win.”

“You’re going to lose. You’re just a sore loser!”

“Takes one to know one.” Bayley said as she moved to get dressed. “Let’s get this game out of the way.”

[weliveourdream]

Hola everyone.

And welcome back to my blog. Sorry for being gone for a bit, but what I’m about to share with you today was worth the wait – at least for me. Because the past weekend, I got to spend two nights with my most favourite smol beans in the world, also known as Tyler and Josh, also known as the band Twenty One Pilots.

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I mean, I know that I don’t need to tell you or explain why I love this band so much and why they are my favourite band, because if you’ve been following my blog for quite some time, you’ll pretty much know all of these things and reasons already. I can just say that they are eternally special and that their music is out of the world. And it might sound a bit crazy or exaggerated for other people, but for me, Ty is pretty much the most creative and most genius artist I know. What they created with Trench can’t even be put into words, it’s just so special and meaningful and unique. And that’s just one small reason why I adore them this much.

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As you can probably guess by now, this post is about the Bandito tour, which they are currently on, and the two concerts in London that I went to. Originally, it was only meant to be one, but as soon as the first show ended, I knew that I had to see them again. I would have just sat at home, drowning myself in self-pity and post-concert-depression, if I hadn’t gone to the concert the next day and I know that for a fact. Let’s just say that it wasn’t a surprise, to anyone. So, as soon as I got home, I went on the hunt for a ticket for the next day and then thankfully found one. This is the part where I have to thank Graham, the guy who sold me the ticket, because we just met up at the venue and it was all super easy and quick and just overall a really chill and nice experience. I’m usually a bit nervous about buying re-sold tickets, but this time it couldn’t have been any better. And honestly, I know people might think it’s a bit mad to go to the same concert twice in a row, but firstly, they are my favourite band, so why would I not want to see them again, secondly, the show is freaking amazing and absolutely mind-blowing, I could literally watch it every single day and wouldn’t get bored, and lastly, why the hell not? If your favourite band is playing in your town and you have the chance to see them twice, please just do it, seriously. You won’t regret it.

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And, as I’ve got all of these amazing memories now and crazy experiences from two of the most fantastic nights of my life, I thought it would be best to just split them up in day one and day two. I’m also kind of doing this for myself because I loved it all so much and still have so many emotions and happy feelings trapped in my body, that I need to get them out and just tell the world what happened. So, here you go world. Do whatever you want with the information, but most importantly, please enjoy.

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Night: Number 1

Okay, so, it would probably be best to just begin at the very start of the day, because oh boy, what a day it was. So, first, I got dressed in my specially created Bandito outfit, that I prepared a few nights before the show. It’s basically an all-black outfit with yellow tape stuck all over it, but there honestly haven’t been a lot of outfits in my life that I’ve been this proud of. It just looked so damn good. I’ll insert some pictures down below so you can check it out. I absolutely love it.

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So, with the outfit ready and in full Bandito mode, I went to uni in the morning and then took the train London right after that. The initial plan was to head straight to FOPP, a super cool music store in London, where the HMV signing was being held. I had seen online that the guys had gone out to the fans the day before, so I was hoping for that to happen again. So, the plan was: go to FOPP, wait outside and hope for the best. But as soon as I got there, I knew that this day wouldn’t be going as I had planned it. Because the moment I looked through the window of the store, my whole system basically crashed down. You want to know why? Because Tyler ‘smol bean’ Joseph and Josh ‘other smol bean’ Dun were sitting inside the store, just about two metres away from me and I was straight looking at them. I felt like I was dreaming. After not seeing them for nearly three years, that felt like the biggest shock ever. But the funny thing was, all I could think was “Ty, why are you wearing sunglasses inside, you idiot”. Small disclaimer here: when I call someone an idiot, it’s basically me saying I love you. I’m like Robin from HIMYM. So, just so you know, Ty isn’t an idiot, but I call him one because I love him. And then I thought how freaking cute they both looked and how damn good Josh looked. I’m not going to lie, they are both super good looking, so props to Jenna and Debby. Well freaking done. They all definitely count as some of my most favourite couples out there. They’re just way too cute.

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So yeah, there I was, standing outside the store, surrounded by other clikkies, and Josh and Ty sitting two metres away from me. It was quite a surreal experience. So, as any normal, sane human being, I called my mum. And then I called Leni. And then, as soon as the security, who were all super nice, just to mention that, started to get a bit fidgety, I secured myself a good spot next to their car, as by then, it was pretty clear that they would be coming out. But then they told all of us on my side of the road that we had to move, so they basically – in a non-violent way – pushed us onto the other side, which ended up in me suddenly being front row, right next to the car. You can probably guess that by now my heart was basically running a marathon. Which was quite weird, actually, because I wasn’t nervous when I was standing outside the store, looking at them. But as soon as I knew that they would be walking past me, in real life, as real people, I started to freak out.

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And then the moment came. First, Mark, their creative and content creator came out (if you ever see a cool vid of them online, it’s basically done by him), and, obviously, we all cheered. And then the two beans finally came. And then Ty, as cool guy he thinks he is, decided to throw up his hands and do peace signs while walking past us, with Josh laughing behind him. And again, I thought ‘omg you idiot’, but god damn, I loved them so much at that moment. Also, maybe I was just the only one who felt like that, but for me, it looked as if their skin was glowing, they looked so good. No wonder Ty had to keep his sunglasses on.

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So, that was the first half of my Friday. It was only just 3 pm and already so much more had happened than what I had expected. I can just repeat myself, I felt like I was in a dream. Still do, actually. I then basically spent the day wandering around London, having dinner – which consisted of me following my mission of finding the best ramen/pho in London – and then heading to the venue. I had a seating ticket, which meant I didn’t have to worry about getting there super early, which was nice. I obviously had to buy some merch, so I got myself the tour shirt, which looks freaking amazing. I can’t wait to wear it. And then it was already time to head to my seat, which turned out to be crazy good. I was in the upper section right next to the stage, so I could see everything. Then the support band called The Regrettes came on stage, and although they weren’t really my cup of tea, I have to say that they indeed are a perfect support for TOP. They really managed to get the crowd hyped up and I was very thankful for that.

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And just half an hour later after the support had ended their set, it was finally time. The lights went off, some super mysterious music came on and all my thoughts basically vanished. It was just me and them. And oh my god, I can’t even begin to tell you happy I was to see them. It’s so crazy because, during the hiatus, I really did miss them a lot, but only when they came back with Jumpsuit and the video and Trench, I noticed how much I had really missed them. And suddenly there they were, playing that exact same song and I just couldn’t stop myself from crying and smiling like a maniac. When I think about it, that was actually how I mostly spent the two hours of the first night – either crying, or smiling, or just doing both. In short, I was an emotional wreck. But a happy one.

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Before I get started on the highlights, I just have to mentally bow down to Ty and Josh for creating Trench and this tour. I’ve been to quite a lot of concerts in the past, but only a few can compete with the absolutely stunning and breathtaking production of their shows. The lights, the lasers, the stage design, the graphics and videos for the screens, the whole concept of movement and most importantly the interaction with the crowd, it was all so out of this world, honestly. I’m not going to go into much detail, because some clikkie might just be reading this right now and actually trying to avoid spoilers, just like I did, so I really want to keep the surprise. All I can say is that it’s a jaw-dropping show production and I cannot even put into words how extremely impressed and proud and thankful I am. Being part of the clique and getting to experience this, even twice, feels like an absolute honour.

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When it comes to highlights, there are a few things that I will never ever forget. The most important one has to be the moment when they started playing ‘Bandito’. Just for the context, ‘Bandito’, for me, is the most beautiful song of Trench and it just really means a lot to me. When I first heard the Sahlo Folina part, I felt like it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. And like I said, I didn’t know which songs they were going to play, I had just heard that ‘Bandito’ was kind of being slept on, which worried me a little. So if I was hoping for them to play one song, it was that one. And then Tyler suddenly started playing it on his piano and, basically, all the emotions trapped inside my body came flooding out of me, all at once. Like, I literally cried so much, my whole body was shaking. I had this kind of weird family sitting next to me and they were looking at me like I was some kind of crazy person. Yes, I know all the lyrics by heart and yes, I will cry my eyes out now, thank you very much.

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So yeah, that probably has to be the most special moment. And straight after that comes the moment when Ty played a bit of “Can’t Help Falling In Love” on his ukulele and dedicated it to all the women in the room, as it was International Women’s Day. Most of you will probably know the cover they uploaded a few years ago. I’m one of those people who listen to it once in a while, just because it’s so beautiful, so I actually felt a bit blessed when he started to play it. I wasn’t expecting it all.

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And besides that, it’s just how incredibly talented Josh and Tyler are and how they interacted with us fans that made it all feel so personal and special. The jokes Tyler made in between and just the overall stuff he said during the shows, like “good to see you, my frens” or “let’s show them how we end the show”, it all made me feel very loved. If you’ve ever been to a show of them, you’ll probably know that Josh never speaks. I’ve actually never heard him talk at any of the shows I’ve been to (it’s now come down to 5). But that never ended up in Ty being the guy everyone focuses on because he makes sure that his best friend gets his moments as well. There are thorough introductions to Josh, once done by a voiceover, once done by Ty himself. And let’s not forget the floating ‘catwalk’ they have at their shows now – which is the coolest thing ever – and the moment when Josh gets to walk over it and casually opens his jacket, which isn’t sexy in any way, I don’t know why you would think that. Hell, Josh, we know you’re good looking, stop it. So, overall, they both get their moments. Also, I just saw a video of Ty actually hiding underneath his piano while Josh has his drum solo and I don’t know if I’ll ever get over how adorable that is.

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Besides that, it’s just so cute when the camera focused on both of them during moments when they slightly got out of their serious characters and started to grin like the happy little beans they are. It just cannot get any more adorable than that. And also, there was this one moment when the camera was on the fans and Tyler looked at the screen and blew kisses at it. I know it was one of those things that usually get lost under all the crazy action that is going on, but I will forever remember that exact moment. It’s just so beautiful to see how much they love us, because of how much we love them. That’s why I always say that they’re something special. Their music, their fanbase, their ways of doing things, their incredible talent and their relationship with the clique are just all so unique and make me love them even more. Also, I might just add now that Ty’s sassiness is always part of the show and I honestly wouldn’t want to go without it.

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So yeah, overall, that was night one. I can still see myself standing there, singing to Trees, the last song of their set, as always, and bawling my eyes out like crazy because I was so emotional and happy and also a bit sad and just very overwhelmed. It was then that I noticed how much they really meant to me. And how much I wanted to see them again. I remember sitting down after they had gone off stage, tears still rolling down my cheeks, and deciding that I had to see them again. Which is exactly what I did and which is also the exact part at where I will end this post. I know it has already become incredibly lengthy, so I’m super thankful if you made it until here. You’re the best. Please do stick around for part two, which I will upload shortly. And until then, I really hope you enjoyed this post. As always, please don’t hesitate to leave your comments down below. And, of course, thanks for reading, my frens. x

I’m a Bandito //-// Part 1 Hola everyone. And welcome back to my blog. Sorry for being gone for a bit, but what I'm about to share with you today was worth the wait - at least for me. 2,684 more words

[god-damn-demetria]

Demi Lovato’s Overdose

Okay, first of all I wanna say that I don’t know what happened last Tuesday. We all don’t know what happened exactly, and all I’m going to say in this post is MY OPINION and is all PURE SPECULATION. I could be right, I could be completely wrong. All I know is that all the hate and the media, that's probably mostly false, are annoying and it fucks me up that it even goes this far.

So, let’s get into it all. What are the “facts” we have so far?

1. Last Tuesday, June 24th, Demi was found unconscious in her house in LA. As far as we know, Demi was found at around noon and she was alone. Apparently, she was out celebrating her dancer Dani Vitale’s birthday (I’ll get to her and the other dancers later) the night before (which we do have this video off as the only evidence) and then headed home and had a party at her house as well.

2. At first, TMZ reported that Demi overdosed on heroin, which was later reported to be false. What substance was found in her blood is unclear at this moment. Apparently, paramedics gave her narcan when they arrived and took her to the hospital. At this point, all we know is that she’s still there and dealing with her withdrawal.

3. Later that day, after hours of worrying and being scared it was reported from her rep that she’s awake, stable and responsive.

4. It’s been reported that the last few months or weeks (we don’t know the real timeline here) Demi has been struggling with her addiction again and relapsed on various occasions.

Here is what I think about this all:

When this tour started, she seemed to be in a fantastic place. She was happy, bubbly, celebrated her sixth year of sobriety and nothing pointed towards a possible downward spiral, at least not at the time. The only thing that, looking back on it now, probably should’ve concerned some people is her sudden break with CAST Center and everyone involved (especially Mike, because he’s literally been with her every day during the American leg of the TMYLM Tour), her manager Phil and two of her absolute best friends, Marissa Callahan and Nick Jonas. But even then everyone, myself included, thought that there must’ve been a reason for it and it wasn’t really our place to judge because we didn’t know what happened. It was just weird that she suddenly cut off four people at once. Even her tweets seemed to tell us a story that no one really got. It was shady and messy. But hey, I just thought that whatever happened between her and those people probably hurt, and we all know that she is impulsive and stubborn. It wouldn’t be the first stubborn, shady tweet she’d send out. I was a little worried at that point because I knew how much these four people meant to her and I just thought “Oh my god, what if she got hurt really bad?” But again…it wasn’t really our place to judge, was it?

Another thing that probably should’ve concerned a few people was the fact that she went to Coachella. I mean, yes…she was good with going to parties and staying sober and clean, but Coachella is a whole other level. That’s not the right place for a recovering addict. But I tried to stay positive and told myself “Hey, she’s strong. She just celebrated her six years of sobriety. She can handle it.”…that was until she released “Sober” and I immediately thought that it must’ve been the whole Coachella thing that fucked everything up, combined with a few wrong people surrounding her. But we all know Demi, and we know how good she is at putting on a smile and not letting people know what’s happening in her life. I saw her live in concert in June, and she was just the Demi we all love and adore. Nothing seemed off. Even though, according to some posts and reports, she must’ve already been back to using drugs and drinking.

In “Sober” she sounds vulnerable, ashamed and embarrassed about relapsing, and in her lyrics, she promised to get help. I was positive about it. I never judged her for her relapse, and I never will. It’s part of recovery. She’s human like everyone else, and humans make mistakes. Sometimes, they can’t help but to make them when there’s that little guy called “addiction” sitting in the corner of their brains. In recovery, he’s constantly whispering to you that you need a drink/drug and that it’ll make you feel better and it won’t hurt anybody. Nobody will notice. Usually, he’s not loud enough, but then there comes a point in your life when everything else around you is quiet and all of a sudden he sees his chance and starts shouting all these things at you as loud as he can. And in order to make him stop, you give in. You do what he tells you to do so he finally shuts up.

Let’s move on, though…After “Sober” I hoped she’d be okay. I never saw the overdose coming. I would’ve never thought we’d get to this point where we almost lost her forever. Knowing that breaks my heart just as much as it breaks yours. But all if this doesn’t take away her six years of staying sober, clean and healthy. That’s a fucking accomplishment and nobody can take that away from her!

So…let me get into all the bullshit that’s been going around on Twitter. Let me start with Mike Bayer:

Mike was her life coach for how many years? Ever since she left Timberline Knolls, as far as I know. He was always an incredible person, never said a bad word about her and in Simply Complicated, he told us about what happened with Demi when she first lost control. And he also told us another thing: “The most important thing to Demi is losing people. It’s losing people that care about her and that love her.” Doesn’t that sound like that’s exactly what happened this time around? You gotta keep in mind that this overdose is a whole other level. Her first struggles weren’t as server as this one. So, what if all Mike (and Phil, Marissa and Nick) wanted to do is help her, but she blocked him? What if she didn’t think her problems were as bad as they apparently are and didn’t accept his help? What if she pushed him away because she was annoyed with his constant attempts to help? So Mike did what he had to do and stepped back. I have to admit, I wasn’t fair to him during that time. I was kind of mad at him, especially after that article came out saying she was fired from CAST because she relapsed and that contract she apparently signed or whatever that was…Looking back at all of this now, it was probably all to help her.

Let’s move on…Next on the list is Phil McIntyre:

He was Demi’s manager her whole career. He was the one who saw that Demi was special and had a God given talent, he stood by her side through her first breakdown and still continued to see her potential. I’m not gonna comment on his ability as a manager, because I literally don’t know shit about management, and neither do you, but I still see posts on Twitter constantly bashing him and calling him a bad manager. Do you all forget that he literally helped the Jonas Brothers becoming one of the most successful bands in the late 2000s? And you know what? Let him be a bad manager, I don’t give a fuck…but at least he is a really great human being who cares about his clients more than he cares about money and fame and success. Imagine if Demi would’ve had a different manager, one that pushes his clients so hard to make the most amount of money. One that doesn’t care much about his clients' well-being…one who pushes them so hard that all they can do to cope with the pressure is drink or do drugs…would you really want Demi to be managed by someone like that? At the vulnerable state that she’s constantly in? I don’t think so. Phil apparently staged an intervention, which might’ve been the breaking point in his and Demi’s relationship. So she “fired” him and Lauren Einbinder took over.

Next please…oh yes, Marissa Callahan:

Where do I start with Marissa? Her and Demi have been the absolute best friends for years. They shared some of the same struggles when it comes to mental health issues and Marissa has always been by her side. To me, the two of them were always friendship goals. I personally don’t think Marissa was ever a bad influence to Demi. When Demi started drinking, they were both young and stupid, so we can’t really blame her for anything. There are many teenagers who introduce their friends to alcohol. That doesn’t necessarily mean that these friends will end up becoming addicts. But with Demi, it was a little different. The underlying, undiagnosed mental health issue was part of the reason she developed this addiction, and neither her parents, nor her best friend Marissa could've possible seen the outcome of an early alcohol consume. So, please stop blaming Demi’s addiction on her. If it wasn’t her who introduced her to alcohol, Demi would've eventually gotten in contact with it another way. That’s what happens with teenagers. Okay, so…their friendship was one of the strongest I’ve ever seen. Just earlier this year, they were on vacation together for…how long was that…14 days? It was a long vacation and they seemed to have such a good time. And suddenly, about two or three months later, Demi unfollows her, posts shady tweets and when asked about her best friends, she just names Sirah and Matthew. Usually, Marissa would’ve been on top of that list as well. So, the fact that Marissa probably stepped away as well shows how server Demi’s drug use must’ve been. Just like Mike, Phil and Nick, Marissa wasn't enabling it. And who wants to watch their best friend destroy themselves? No one. Since all attempts to help Demi obviously didn’t work, Marissa stepped away, probably for her own mental health as well.

Now my favorite…Nick Jonas:

You know why he’s my favorite? That dude knows what he’s doing…and it worked the first time. Just at the end of 2017, Demi and Nick were at such an incredible place in their friendship. They were recording each other’s performances on each other’s phones, flew home in the same private jet…just a few weeks before that, Demi basically admitted to having some sorts of feelings for him in two of her songs. In an interview, she said that the person she wrote these songs about loved them and told her he wrote songs about her as well. I’m not saying this because I ship them a lot, but they were slowly heading towards something much stronger than friendship. I personally think that if all of this wouldn’t have happened, instead of getting the report of Demi overdosing, we would’ve gotten some kind of romance update on them. So how come that a friendship as strong and powerful as theirs suddenly ends with her unfollowing him on all social media? Listen to this interview at 7.15min. Nick basically explains it all. He stepped away to save himself from a possible heartbreak that he would’ve suffered if he would’ve kept watching her going down that spiral. And it’s not like he didn’t try. He also once said that the first time she was struggling, he tried to talk to her, but she cut him off. Just like she did again now. I hate to see people tweeting that he’s the reason she relapsed, or that he’s a bad guy in all of this. Just like Marissa, he probably just didn’t wanna witness his best friend ruining herself. I’ve been there, too. I’ve had friends struggling with mental health issues, and in order to keep my sanity, I had to step back at a certain point. So don’t judge him!

Now that I touched on Mike, Phil, Marissa and Nick, let’s get to the messy part…the one where everyone blames her dancers and even members of her family:

I wanna start with Dianna. People are really sending her hate and blame her, when all she was probably doing the past week was being worried as fuck about her daughter? Like…do you even realize how fucked up that this? This woman almost lost her child. She was almost at a point where, instead of planning which treatment center is best for her, she had to plan a funeral. Give her a fucking break! I’m not saying that everything was right in their family, but I think people tend to forget that Dianna herself struggles with mental health issues. So maybe she didn’t even see the depth of the problem. Maybe she couldn’t quite understand how server the whole situation was. And guess what, guys? Maybe she even tried to do something…but Demi is a 25-year-old, grown ass woman. And an addict. And stubborn as fuck. Do you really think she would’ve listened to her mother? Besides that, she’s manipulative. What if she told her mom that everything is okay? She can be super convincing, so what if Dianna believed her?  It’s incredibly rude to assume Dianna had something to do with all of this. She is a mother. And from what I’ve seen the past few years that I’ve been following this family, she’s a great one. She loves her daughters.

And now…the part you’ve all probably been waiting for: Demi’s dancer

I honestly don’t even know where to start. Do I start at the American leg of the TMYLM tour? Or do I jump right into the European leg? Do I compare this tour with others that didn’t have dancers? I should probably do all of that. So…I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: The Future Now Tour was and always will be the best tour Demi has ever put together. Why? Well, not only did she travel through America with her best friend, but she was also surrounded by people who really, really cared about her. She had an incredible team, her best friend and she was the happiest I’ve ever seen her. She was free. Whenever they had a day off, they’d so some fun things…things that didn’t necessarily trigger her. And did you guys notice something? There were no dancers. In my opinion, she never needed dancers. Demi’s talent doesn’t need some extra special effects. She could play a two hours show with just her piano and a guitar, and people would still be fascinated by her.

But…I liked the dancers. There were fun, and from what I’ve seen on Instagram, they all had an incredible time. Everyone seemed so genuinely nice and funny and Demi seemed to love them as well. But what did they do when they had a day off? They were partying. And sometimes, Demi joined them. Like I said earlier in this post, there was a time where Demi could easily be part of a party and not care at all. She would drink her red bull and that’s it, but this year was different. She relapsed, and was surrounded by people who consumed alcohol. I’m not saying they caused it, or that they are to blame for it, but Demi was no longer at a place where she could be around that. Could they have done something about it? Maybe, but maybe they didn’t even realize what was going on before it was too late. That being said, let’s focus a little on two of the dancers that have been on top of the “let’s blame people for Demi’s overdose” list the past few days. And these people are Jackie and Dani. Now, Jackie fucked up. I’m sure all of you have seen the video of her doing coke on her Instagram. That’s pretty messy and I definitely don’t agree with what she did. And I seriously hope that she didn’t do it around Demi. While that could’ve been a triggering point for her, it still doesn’t mean that we can blame Jackie for Demi’s overdose.

Now Dani…I’m really conflicted at this point. I love Dani. I’ve met her. I’ve talked to her and what she said to us, how she treated us and what she then offered us was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced or expected from someone. She was one of the nicest, kindest and most humble people I have ever met in my life. She was so patient with us and really, really genuine. She’s always been getting hate, for ridiculous shit like being responsible for Jojo to leave the tour. People even said that she kicked her off and took her place…like bitch, they were literally both on that tour in America. Nobody took anyone’s place here. So I was already like “Damn, she doesn’t deserve that. She’s so fucking nice.”. So when I saw that everyone was now attacking her for causing Demi’s overdose, I was like “Okay, hold the fuck on…” Here’s what we know: Demi was at Dani’s birthday party. That alone is nothing to be extremely worried about. Like…Demi going to her friend’s birthday party? How fucking normal from her. Damn, Demi. And we all didn’t know how server her drug use was at this point. And guess what? Maybe Dani didn’t know either? Just like Demi’s family might not haven know just how bad it really was? We don’t know what happened at the party. We didn’t see any videos or pictures of her drinking with Dani. What if she didn’t do any of that while Dani was around?

Okay, let’s continue…Even though it was Dani’s birthday party, and Demi reportedly continued partying at her house with some people, that doesn’t mean Dani was there as well because for all we know, the party at Demi’s house had nothing to do with her birthday anymore. So…let’s say she was no longer there…how can you blame her for the overdose? How can you blame anyone who was there for the overdose? The only plausible explanation about when Demi overdose is the next morning, a little while before she was found. At that point, I’m 100% sure nobody else was at the house anymore. Didn’t someone say Demi was alone when it happened? Okay, it was probably one of these oh so reliable sources, but it makes the most sense to me. Like…yes, there were probably people enabling the drug use, but I can’t imagine anyone really letting someone overdose and possibly die. So nobody left her alone. Nobody just “watched” her overdose. She was alone, I don’t think it was her intention to overdose and she was lucky someone found her in time. If she would’ve overdosed that night…and then someone found her around noon…as hard as it is to hear, but then she wouldn’t be with us anymore. So stop blaming Dani. And stop reading too much into her statement.

I could say a lot more things…about the guys she’s been seen with (you know…when everyone thought she was out with G-Eazy?) for example. Or Dilmer, which I’m not gonna get into because those of you who follow me know how I feel about them as a couple. But this is already long enough. Like I said, I don’t blame anyone.

I’m gonna say this once and for all: THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME FOR DEMI’S OVERDOSE IS HER FUCKING ADDICTION! None of the people she’s been surrounding herself with forced her to do anything. She did that all on her own, because her addiction got stronger. Remember that little guy I told you about earlier? Yeah, he was yelling like a motherfucker!

[tessaxjanelle]

Janelle Monáe and Tessa Thompson: 2015-2018 Timeline

2014/2015:

Tessa's dad introduced her to Janelle's music. 

Janelle and Tessa officially met while auditioning for a part in the movie Joy.

April 13 2015:

Tessa was featured in Janelle’s music video as a background dancer for “Yoga” (x)

May 30 2015:

Janelle performed at the MOCA charity gala in LA  - Tessa attended as well. (x)

August 22 2015:

Issa Rae, Justin Simien, Tessa, Janelle, and Angela Bassett hang out backstage at the Eephus Tour. (x)

November 7 2015:

Janelle received the “Equality Award” at the 18th Annual Women’s Event hosted by the Center in New York (NYC’s LGBT Community Center). Tessa presented her with the award that night. (x) (x) (x)

November 20 2015:

Janelle surprised Tessa on the red carpet at the Creed premiere - the film that really launched Tessa’s career. (x) (x)

November 27 2015: 

In an interview, Tessa talked about Creed and her favorite singers. She talked about Janelle first: (x)

“I’m going to give a shout out to my friend Janelle Monáe. She is fantastically talented. I got the chance to give her an award. She sang her a capella rendition of “Smile” in a room for some friends, and she just killed it.”

December 2015:

Janelle, Tessa, and other friends took a trip to Mexico for Janelle’s birthday. 

For the most part, Janelle and Tessa were very quiet in 2016, most likely due to the fact Tessa was on location for most of the year filming Thor: Ragnarok and Annihilation.

December 7 2016:

Tessa posts a pic on instagram and Janelle comments with hearts emojis (link is broken).

February 25 2017:

Tessa and Janelle both attended the annual Oscars Week “Sistah’s Soiree” at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. (x) (x) 

February 26 2017:

The night of the Oscar’s. (x)

August 6 2017:

Tessa posts a picture on Instagram, and Janelle comments a heart eyes emoji. (x)

August 22 2017: 

Out with Rowan Blanchard. (x)

August 24 2017:

Boots Riley out with Tessa, Janelle, Carrie Brownstein, and Nate. (x)

August 26 2017:

Tessa and Janelle at Ava DuVernay’s birthday party. (x) (x) (x) 

September 9 2017:

Tessa and Janelle at an outdoor music/film event in LA. (x) (x) (x) (x)

September 15/16 2017:

Tessa tweeted about Janelle. (x) 

Later it was found out that Janelle did an impromptu performance and said the line Tessa tweeted about. You can see Tessa off to the right in the second linked video around the 1 minute mark. (x) (x) 

September 16 2017: 

Tessa and Janelle attended the annual Equality California Awards (EQCA’s), an award show that honors individuals who work to help create a more equal society for the LGBT community. (x) (x) (x) 

September 17 2017:

The pair were seen cuddled up at the HBO Emmy’s after party. (x) (x) 

Janelle later posted about it. (x)

October 4 2017: 

Tessa quoted Janelle birthday wishes on Twitter. (x) 

October 5 2017:

Tessa posted on Instagram pictures of the flowers she received for her birthday. Janelle just so happens to send flowers exactly like the ones Tessa posted about. (x) (x)

October 8 2017:

Issa Rae threw a last minute “Lemon Pepper Kickback” house party in Atlanta - Tessa and Janelle attended. (x) (x) (x) 

Earlier in the night, Tessa, Janelle, and Amandla Stenberg attended a Nick Hakim concert. (x) (x) (x) 

According to another concert go-er that attended Nick’s show that night, Tessa and Janelle were touching each other a lot and were calling each other baby. (x)

October 12 2017:

On Instagram, Janelle posted a screenshot of a conversation between her and “the love of [her] life” and referred to this person as her “partner”. She deleted quickly. 

Many think Tessa sent the message because she had used the same phrasing regarding the Time’s Up movement in an interview (specifically the word endured), and worked closely with the Time’s Up movement that year. 

Also from other receipts, we know they call each other baby/babe a lot.

October 20 2017:

Twitter user __theluckyyyone tweeted: @janellemonae is definitely next to @tessamaethompson.

October 22 2017:

Someone verified received an email from Janelle. Janelle mentions Tessa in the email. (x)

October 27 2017:

Janelle and Tessa were seen with friends for dinner, sitting next to each other (links are broken).

November 8 2017:

Janelle tweets about Tessa, her "talented friend” (x) 

December 9 2017:

Out with Lena Waithe. (x)

December 14 2017:

Some mentioned that Tessa was in Atlanta.

December 15/16 2017:

During these two days, Janelle tweeted a lot. However, the tweet linked was the only tweet Tessa liked. (x)

Nobody is knows exactly when Tessa left ATL, but she was in LA the 17th for West World’s season 2 wrap a party. 

January 3 2018: 

Tessa was spotted in Atlanta. January 5 2018:

Both spotted at a café in Atlanta. The Twitter user who posted about it now has their tweets protected so I can’t link the tweet. 

January 28 2018: 

Janelle gave a Time’s Up speech on The Grammys stage, and a tweet storm from Tessa “supportive gf” Thompson followed. 

January 29 2018:

Tessa and Janelle were seen at the Black Panther premiere together. (x) (x)

They later left together as well (you can see Janelle by Nate in the first video, and then Tessa running to catch up with Nate in the second video). (x) (x) 

January 30 2018:

They were spotted having dinner together. (x)

February 5 2018:

Janelle and Tessa went live on Instagram.

Here are some of the best moments in gif form. (x) (x) (x) (x)

Zoe Kravitz also spilled some tea. (x)

February 5 2018:

2 Dope Queens premiere. (x)

February 11/12 2018: 

Tessa posted Instagram stories with Janelle and Nate. No one saved the video.

February 13 2018:

Tessa and Janelle attended the Annihilation premiere, and were photographed with on another on the actual red carpet. (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

Lip readers were able to decipher some of what they said to each other on the read carpet. Note the the gif where Janelle says sorry babe. (x) (x) 

February 16 2018:

The trailer for Dirty Computer was released. (x) 

Here are two clips from it: 

February 20 2018:

Janelle’s cover spread for W Magazine dropped. Jordan Peele directed, and Tessa approved. 

February 22 2018:

Janelle released her first two singles off of Dirty Computer. Make Me Feel has been coined a bisexual anthem (Tessa’s words, not mine), and up until this point, it had been the closest thing we’ve seen to a coming out from Janelle. 

Tessa also stars in the music video: 

Credit for the next two gifs (x)

Credit for the next two gifs (x)

Tessa posted about it as well. (x)

February 23 2018:

Tessa did an interview with Entertainment Tonight, and in that interview she pretended she didn’t know what shipping meant, even though we know she’s familiar with different Internet lingo.

She was also heavily stumbled over her words before she was able to get a "we’re really good friends" out. (x)

February 24 2018:

Janelle tweeted about Annihilation. Peep Wondaland liking the second tweet. (x)

February 26 2018:

Janelle tweeted something romantic the same day they both attended the Wrinkle in Time premiere (no pictures were taken together). 

Here are the tweets: (x) (x)

February 28 2018:

Tessa and Janelle both attended Alfre Woodard’s 2018 Pre-Oscars Soiree (x)

March 2 2018: 

Tessa attends Janelle’s Fem the Future event. (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

Janelle went live on Instagram, and it appeared throughout the whole event that wherever Tessa was, Janelle was right by her. 

March 3 2018:

Janelle and Tessa attended the Essence Black Women in Hollywood Event.

Pictures: (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

Janelle revealing how her and Tessa first met. (x)

Janelle interrupted an interview Tessa was doing on the red carpet (and proceeded to hold Tessa’s hand) and presented Tessa with an award.

Watch Tessa try to contain her smitten smile from 2:25 and on after Janelle walks away... So cute. 

March 10 2018:

Tessa was in Miami for VCCarnaval Event.

A instagram story was posted that showed she was talking about Janelle with her friends. (x)

She left Miami that day. 

March 13 2018:

Tessa tweeted about "Paddington 2 and chill."

Janelle was in London at the time doing promo for Dirty Computer, and later we found out that Tessa was also in London at the same time. (x)

March 18 2018:

Janelle wants her own Josie Radek (Tessa’s character from Annihilation). She later deleted the Instagram story. (x)

March 19 2018:

The twitter page @tessasgoats comes to life, and both Tessa and Janelle follow it. Janelle was liking many of the pictures the twitter page was posting.  March 25 2018:

This is more so speculation, but there was an article/interview about Janelle that basically said that Janelle was the truth. After a short time, Tessa tweeted "the truth is so cute" - Janelle liked. (x)

There's also a response to the tweet too from Tessa. (x)

March 30 2018:

Tessa commented on Janelle's Instagram post with a rose emoji. Janelle replied to Tessa with a rose emoji. (x) (x)

Tessa also liked this picture within 3 minutes of Janelle posting it. 

April 1 2018:

Tessa posts about an artist. Janelle followed it. (x) (x)

April 3 2018:

What Janelle’s Twitter page looked like that day. (x)

April 6-8 2018:

Tessa went out of her way to be at Nate’s birthday bash in Miami. She left the 8th, and tweeted about delayed flights. 

April 10 2018:

PYNK dropped and Lena Waithe commented on Janelle’s Instagram, “That’s how you feel? Perfect.”

April 11 2018:

Ava DuVernay gave us some good tea when she posted this on her Instagram story. (x)

April 26 2018:

The day before Dirty Computer dropped, Janelle came out as pansexual the Rolling Stone. (x)

April 27 2018:

Dirty Computer’s emotion picture dropped. In Janelle's note to Tessa in the album booklet, she called Tessa her muse. (x) (x)

April 28 2018:

Justin Simien (creator of Dear White People) made a post on Instagram where he called them "wives" with a screen-cap of the PYNK video. He deleted it, and uploaded a new one with different caption.

May 2 2018: 

Janelle arrived in Philly for Michele Obama's College Signing Day. Tessa was in Philly filming for Creed II. 

They were spotted by 2 different people late at night. (x) (x)

After Tessa came out, this receipt dropped from that night as well. (x)

May 5 2018:

They were both in NYC but were staying in different hotels. Janelle was at The Mark, and Tessa was at The Bowery. 

This was also the day of Janelle's 'Dirty Computer' NYC album release party. They arrived separately, and Tessa stayed for an hour. (x) (x) (x)

May 7 2018:

They both attended the Met Gala and the after parties. They were by each other the whole time. (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

May 9 2018:

They went to see the play Angels in America, and had dinner at Chez Josephine restaurant. (x) 

People tweeted about it. (x) (x)

May 15 2018:

Janelle followed @thombrowneny (the guy who designed Tessa's outfits for the Met Gala). 

May 17 2018:

Janelle followed Marc Anthony Thompson (Tessa’s dad). (x) 

May 20 2018: 

Janelle was seen in Philly.

May 21 2018:

Janelle tweeted about Sorry to Bother You, and Tessa retweeted it. (x)

May 23 2018:

Tessa posted a birthday video to her dad on Instagram. Janelle commented with a heart and Tessa responded with a rose. (x)

Janelle also commented on Tessa’s dad’s picture. (x)

May 24 2018:

Janelle posted a picture on Instagram with Michelle Obama, and Tessa commented on it. Jane replied with a rose emoji. (x)

May 25 2018:

Tessa being supportive on Twitter. (x)

May 28 2018:

Tessa’s friend’s dog dancing to PYNK on her story. (x)

May 31 2018:

Speculation so make what you want of this - While in LA (where Tessa lives) Janelle posted on her story saying "it's just not the same without you.” (x)

While in Philly shooting Creed II, Tessa then proceeded to post on her story, "misery loves company" while fake crying. (x)

Janelle then deleted her story after Tessa posted her’s.

June 3 2018:

Janelle liked a drawing with both of them from PYNK on Twitter. (x)

June 8 2018:

Spotted in LA. (x)

June 11 2018:

Janelle’s tour started in Seattle. 

Tessa posted flamingoes on her Instagram story before it. (x)

June 14 2018:

There was a special screening of Sorry to Bother You in LA. Janelle came straight from Portland (she had a show there the 13th) just to support Tessa. (x) 

There was an Instagram story (that no one saved) where you can see Janelle and Tessa by each other mingling at the after party. Janelle apparently also greeted Tessa with a hug and kiss on the cheek before she went in to the viewing.

June 15 2018:

Janelle tweeted about Tessa and Sorry to Bother You. (x) (x)

June 19 2018:

Tessa liked these pictures of Janelle on Instagram. (x) (x)

June 20 2018:

Tessa was in NYC promoting Sorry to Bother You, but two days later Janelle unarchived a photo where she’s wearing the same outfit Tessa was wearing while in NYC. (x) 

June 26 2018:

Tessa put a pride flag in her bio on Instagram. (x)

June 29 2018:

Tessa came out as bisexual in an interview she did for Net-a-Porter. (x)

She also said this about her and Janelle: “We love each other deeply, we’re so close. We vibrate on the same frequency.”

It’s already been added previously, but this receipt came a day after Tessa came out. It has to do with the dinner date they had in Philly back in May. (x)

July 14 & 15 2018:

Janelle continued to promote Sorry to Bother You. (x) (x)

July 22 2018:

Tessa posted two stories on Instagram showing the crowd going crazy over her being featured on the screen while Janelle performs PYNK. (x) (x)

July 27 2018:

The two songs Janelle was featured on for Sorry to Bother You were released. (x) (x)

July 31 2018:

Tessa posted two flamingos on her Instagram story. Flamingos are gay symbol, specifically a symbol for lesbian marriage ( I’m not saying Tessa and Janelle are married). Flamingos also mate for life. 

August 4 2018:

Janelle liked the last 3 pictures Tessa had posted (at the time) and unarchived an old picture of them with Zoe. (x)

August 22 2018:

Janelle’s hairstylist posted a picture of Janelle from her spread with Bustle. Tessa liked it. (x)

September 4 2018:

Tessa liked Janelle's video on Instagram. (x)

September 9 2018:

Tessa liked Janelle’s tweet. (x)

September 11 2018: 

Tessa attended Janelle’s first show in London. There were a lot of tweets about her and Janelle. (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

People were also reporting that Tessa cried. (x) (x) 

On TLC, an anon who was at the show posted this:

So I was in the London crowd tonight and had a pretty good view of both Tessa and Janelle. What a night! Really didn’t expect this. Tessa seemed to stand on top of a step or something so she was pretty visible. Nate was maybe 4 meters away from her by the mixing booth. A couple of things I noticed:

Tessa did not look at the screen when the audience cheered for her video clip appearance during PYNK. She kept looking away during moments like this throughout the evening. A couple of people took selfies with her so she must have been aware of people watching. She laughed a lot during I Got the Juice, particularly when Janelle told the crowd: ‘If I point at you - you will come on stage and you will dance!’ … 

Tessa seemed to giggle and repeated Janelle’s pointing motion followed by a simulated lasso into Janelle’s direction. She was on the phone throughout the rhythm dance intro in the beginning of Make me Feel… We all know what happened next - she must have gone live soon after

There were a couple of moments where she was flat out beaming.

Tessa was laughing really hard when Janelle did the microphone dildo pose…

Note how Janelle snuck in an 'I see you baby’ at the end… Not sure if she meant the crowd or someone particular there  

Tessa was watching the whole thing with her bright, beaming smile - that was definitely one of those moments when you could see that they have a connection. It was a great thing to see the two across from each other.

I remember watching Tessa’s reaction to the 'If I’m gonna sin it’s with you line’ and she was definitely singing / speaking along with the lyrics… and then Janelle inserted 'London’." 

September 13 2018:

Tessa, Janelle, and Zoe caught dinner at Sketch (a restaurant in London). (x)

September 14 2018:

Janelle traveled to Berlin, but posted an Instagram story showing her new flamingo rings. (x) 

A couple of hours later Tessa posted an Instagram story with a picture of a flamingo as well. 

September 17 2018:

Janelle’s a Revolution of Love documentary was released on Youtube. It included bloopers and unseen footage from the PYNK music video. (x) (x)

It also featured Tessa talking about what she loves about Janelle. Kehlani, who’s friends with Janelle, liked the tweet. (x)

September 26 2018:

Janelle retweeted Tessa’s tweet regarding the Creed II trailer that dropped the same day. (x)

October 2 2018:

The night before Tessa’s birthday, Janelle tweeted this. (x)

On the 3rd (her birthday), Tessa posted a video on her story of her dancing. 

October 3 2018:

Janelle started the day off by posting two images of flamingos on her story.

Janelle then proceeded to post this.

Lastly, she commented on Tessa’s post.

October 4 2018:

The day after her birthday, Tessa tweeted this in direct reference to Janelle’s tweet on the second that said, “Dance like a goat.” (x)

Dance like a Goat ended up being an actual song that Janelle and Wondaland created specifically for Tessa and her birthday. (x)

Janelle commented on Tessa’s post of her dancing. 

October 5 2018:

Dance like a Goat finally dropped! (x)

News that Janelle had been cast in Disney’s ‘Lady And The Tramp’ reboot was announced as well.

When it was announced that Tessa was going to be in the movie she tweeted the following:

When it was announced Janelle was going to be in it as well, she tweeted the same: 

Janelle had initially tweeted “woof woof” but then deleted it so she could match Tessa’s.

October 6 2018:

Some of Janelle’s likes regarding Dance like a Goat.

[theparaminds]

It’s not as though Natalie Green knew what this year held in store or what would exist at the end of the road. Though, at every step of the way, he kept going. Embodied in both his music and his story of perseverance, is a rare example of an artistic soul that found peace where few would ever dream to look. It took months of learning and continued questioning of himself and what he wanted to be. But in the end, it resulted in a man anew.

With a new project taking shape in studio sessions that contrast his earlier life, Natalie Green is finding a voice he previously was nervous to share, speaking louder than before. The ideas, memoirs and anxieties he hopes to express have become clear. With every note, he continually finds himself as much as he does connect to those who battle the same confusions.

Natalie Green now stands with a new asset he hadn’t held prior, the ability to embark on the path he wants, not the one life throws him upon. He can stand and become the artist he visualizes, the artist he knows is essential to reveal to the world. For the first time in a while, Natalie Green is in control, with a steering wheel in hand and a road of possibility on the horizon.

Our first question as always, how’s your day going and how are you?

Things have been hectic, but good. Good busy you know? There are different kinds of busy and this one has been all positive.

On your last EP last year, it sounded like you weren’t fully at peace, do you find that you are now after a year of personal introspection?

Yeah for sure, when I was writing the EP, I was in a really terrible place physically, emotionally and mentally. It was a passion project when it came out, I didn’t have to think about it. Whereas now, I’ve got a place, I’m not just in my car anymore, I emotionally feel a lot more centered, I have my head on straight. I’ve found friends and people that I love to surround myself with. Everything’s been a thousand times better.

When you’re looking within this shift you’ve undertaken, where do you think you’ve personally grown the most, whether artistically or as an individual?

I think I’ve gotten more empathetic towards people. All people. As well, I feel more self-aware. What I realized when living in my car was that I didn’t know myself. Living in a house again with roommates made me, in a new way, learn more about myself, and where I needed to spend a lot of time mentally. As far as musically, I feel more confident, I think that’s apparent in my vocals and instrumentation, they’re far more personal in that sense.

With the new year in season, being a time of reflecting upon the past year, do you have any memories that stick out to you as positive through the difficult and turbulent times?

There’s a lot. I don’t know if there’s one specific moment, but definitely moving into the apartment. I also got to play a private show in my friend’s backyard for all my close friends. That was a big moment for me. There’s a lot of moments where I had friends reassure me, and believe in me when I wasn’t doing so myself. One of my best friends from back home came to live here a little while ago, that was really special to have him back. The whole tour with Roy, of course, was inspiring, to see him do all that and becoming closer to everyone I went on tour with will forever be in my memories.

With that tour, and even more so working on Cat Heaven, happening while you were working on your own projects, did they influence the way you approached your new work?

There are certain things I learn from other people I can implement in my own music later. There will be something I’ll figure out while I’m working with someone, be it a sound or a new style, I can kinda pull out later. A lot of it is just talking to others and learning their inspirations and how that reflects in their music. Then turning and comparing that to my own influences and seeing how I do the same. It’s all just inspiration.

To touch on that idea of inspiration, you’ve mentioned in the past how you have a wide range on influences in your life in terms on music, but in the last year, which artists have really been influencing the work you’re putting out?

There’s been a lot of really great artists I just got into this past year-ish, but a big one is Michelle Zauner, who’s the singer for Japanese Breakfast. I’m hugely inspired by her, the fact she directs her own music videos and does all her own creative output, it’s really amazing. I’ve also loved the movies of Michel Gondry and the writing of Charlie Kaufman, anything they work on is amazing and so intoxicating.

With this new album you’re ramping up to release, has there been a difference in approach to how you wrote songs and lyrics? And how does that process look like?

I mean it’s been different for almost every song, I tried to do the album the same way I did the EP, and it wasn’t working right. Every song I wrote just felt lacklustre or the same. So to change it up, I had to change my methods, like the first song I wrote, I did two guitar parts first and then I sang, then produced over. That is very different to the EP which was songs first then lyrics. There are certain songs where before I recorded, I had a guitar riff and just wrote the song in a very traditional way, just chords and singing. Maybe loops would be first at times, and then they’d be built off of. Everything has been different.

It’s interesting because it sounds like you’ve really been adding more to your skill set as an artist, would you say that if you had a tool belt of music, that you’ve been adding towards it in the last while?

Yeah, definitely. I’ve been doing that my whole life honestly. I started in bands, not knowing how to produce or anything, but I could play guitar and from then I learned the bass just to add of that. Then I learned production, and that is forever useful. Now I’m working more to be an artist and learn what that entails and requires. Every time I learn something new I really take that and hold onto it until needed.

If you could create your ideal music creation space, where would it be and how would it look like?

That’s interesting, It would really just need to be a secluded place. A place I could disappear and a place I could be as loud as I want as late as I want. No interruptions, all the equipment I needed. Some food, drinks and a bathroom, that’s all I need.

Over the year you’ve posted some concerts you went to, like Paramore in the summer. Are there other shows you saw live that really had an impact upon you and maybe changed the way you approach live shows yourself?

Well, of course, the tour with Roy, he’s been super inspiring in general and watching the man work is amazing. He has a lot of fantastic ideas and he goes through with them. I saw Daisy as well, and they’re so good live. Solange was also amazing with her stage design and her choreography. I also saw Soccer Mommy pretty recently, and it wasn’t too extravagant but it was so well done and exciting to see as a fan of the music.

When you’re on stage, even something like the backyard show you mentioned earlier, what’s the emotion you’re trying to achieve and what is the mindset that you find yourself within at that moment?

When I played that private show, I realized all my songs were pretty mellow and hard to dance or move to. All except for Beachwood didn’t translate very well. So with this new project, I want them to translate really well live, to feel energetic, to feel lively. The songs are just fun. But I keep that emotion in and make sure that I don’t lose what made the earlier work so special and important.

What’s been the overall message you’re trying to pursue this new work and what is it you’re hoping to convey?

I kinda just want to tell my story. Or a story of mine. If people learn things from that, its great, but I’m just saying what happened in my experience. What I realized is that there’s a lot of shitty things that happened to me in my life, but the truth is that things could be a lot worse, so far they’ve been pretty good for the most part. While I had those tough days, I’m still here kicking it.

I apologize if it’s a repeated question, but with the topic of your story, what’s the meaning behind the stage name you’ve taken upon yourself?

It is and it isn’t part of my story in a way. A big part of that choice was that I wanted to separate myself from my old name and work. I wanted this to be super new. The name is taken from two names of people I am very inspired by. And it also, to me, sounds like the quintessential hot girl from a high school, the girl in the coming of age movie they all go after.

If you had a message to artists out there who may find themselves in the same space as you have previously found yourself within, those who may feel as unsure, what would be your lesson to pass on?

I think it doesn’t matter if you’re as confident or as talented as you want to be, as long as you recognize what sounds good to you, just put out the song. It doesn’t matter if you think your voice was bad, just keep progressing as an artist. If you wait for that progression you’ll never put stuff out, you’ll never be happy. With whatever you have right now, just start putting something, anything, out.

Follow Natalie Green on Twitter and Instagram

Listen on Soundcloud and Spotify

All Photos by Guthrie King