#i just wanted to paint something to idk feel something
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I’ll be honest regarding Double Exposure the journal’ UI broke my heart more so than Max and Chloe breaking up (I was never that invested I got sick of them around BtS release)
To me it just signals the death of stylization in LiS, the sketches are well made and I have nothing against the poor soul who had to draw them but this isn’t Max Caulfield’s art style
How dontnod used to draw the sketches and paint other assets was to trace over models or existing pictures and I won’t crap on the art style on the right it’s fine but I don’t think of it as a natural evolution for teenage maxs sketching style
Idk I feel like it would’ve cost less for DE to trace over photos with the character models, heck i tried it myself
i took a stock image and stuck adult max face on it, next i tried to replicate the original art style from her old journal
i used pencil/marker textured brushes from clips studio for the shading
then i basically i used an empty notebook for the background while adding in watercolors (like the og did), i did not like the grey journal pages from DE i wanted something that looked vibrant but not adolescent- I sketched random stuff and even added a white pen highlighting to stay consistent with double exposure's art design
the gold star sticker is there cause duh max is a teacher now and she's being quirky about it
My other gripe with the new journal was how barren it looked, i expect max to stick random stuff like she used to.
anyways im not trying to be a smart a33 or anything, im crazy hyper fixated on user interface design stuff and im trying to show you that you can still be stylistically consistent on a zero budget cause this only took me half an hour and zero dollars
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so what? - lee haechan imagine
hellooo~ i was catching up on some nct content and i can't help but miss haechan🥺 idk i just suddenly felt like that even though i see him on my tl everyday... so now here we are. hope you like this one!
For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.
and if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛
All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.
(pics not mine, credits to rightful owner)
The sky is painted with hues of pink and orange as you and Haechan walk down the familiar street toward your apartment. The sun is setting, casting a soft glow on everything around you.
You’ve been talking about your day at university, not noticing how your hand is now gently resting in his, fingers intertwined. You’re completely unaware, too wrapped up in your own thoughts to realize that you’ve been holding his hand for a while now.
"So, I had this huge presentation today, right?" you continue, oblivious to how his heart races at the simple touch of your hand. "I thought I was going to freeze, but I actually ended up talking too much. The professor looked like he was going to kick me out halfway through." You laugh, shaking your head at the memory.
Haechan, on the other hand, is a nervous wreck inside. He tries to hide it, but his heart skips a beat every time you move closer or touch him, even if it’s just a hand on his arm or the accidental brush of your fingers. Right now, though, he’s trying his best to keep it together.
"Yeah? So, you just went on and on?" he asks, trying to focus on the conversation rather than the warmth of your hand in his.
"Pretty much," you smile up at him, clearly unaware of the effect you have on him. "But hey, I got an A, so I guess it wasn't too bad after all."
His lips twitch into a small smile, but he doesn’t say anything. He just lets you talk, lets you hold his hand, because, at this moment, he’s the happiest he’s ever been.
The more time you spend together, the more his feelings for you grow, but you’ve never caught on. You always just assumed you were great friends, and maybe a little too oblivious to everything else.
The two of you round a corner, and that's when you see Jeno and Jaemin sitting on the sidewalk, clearly waiting for Haechan. They both glance at you, then back at him, grinning mischievously.
"Look who it is, Haechan," Jaemin teases. "The girl you can’t stop thinking about."
Haechan’s face immediately flushes. "Shut up, Jaemin," he grumbles, but there’s no real bite to his words. His eyes flicker to you, hoping you didn’t catch the teasing.
You, of course, are completely oblivious. "Hey, Jeno, Jaemin!" You wave cheerfully as you pull your hand away from Haechan's, giving him a bright smile. "What’s up?"
Jeno gives Haechan an exaggerated look, like he's trying to hold in a laugh. "Oh, nothing much. Just enjoying the view."
Jaemin chimes in, teasing, "Yeah, it’s hard not to notice when Haechan is practically glowing every time he’s near you."
You laugh, thinking they’re joking. "You guys are silly," you say. "Haechan, you’re blushing!"
Haechan’s face turns even redder. He mutters something under his breath that only you hear. "I’m not blushing." But it’s too late. His friends have already caught on.
"Sure you’re not," Jeno says sarcastically. "Just keep telling yourself that."
You tilt your head, confused, as Haechan starts walking again, practically dragging you away from his teasing friends.
"Are you okay?" you ask, looking up at him with concern.
"Yeah, I’m fine," he responds quickly, adjusting his backpack on his shoulder. He clears his throat. "Just… tired, you know?"
You nod, not suspecting a thing. "I get that. I’m exhausted too. Uni is draining."
The two of you continue your walk home, but now, Haechan can’t stop thinking about how perfect this moment is. You’re so close, your laughter fills the air, and everything about this feels like it should be a scene from a movie—except for one tiny thing: you have no idea that he’s head over heels for you.
A few days later, you’re hanging out at a caf�� with Haechan, Jaemin, and Jeno. The conversation flows easily, and you feel completely comfortable. You’re telling them about a funny incident that happened in one of your classes.
"And then," you say, leaning forward on the table, "the professor totally called me out in front of the entire class. He said, ‘Maybe next time you’ll read the syllabus before making assumptions.’"
Everyone laughs, but Haechan can’t help but watch you with a soft gaze, as if you’re the only one in the room. His friends, of course, notice.
"You know, Haechan," Jeno says, grinning from ear to ear, "we all know you’re a simp for her, right?"
Jaemin smirks. "Yeah, it’s kind of obvious."
Haechan rolls his eyes, but his cheeks are still a little pink. "So what?" he replies, his tone light but with an edge of defensiveness.
You laugh, thinking they're joking. "Hyuck, you okay? You look a little red." You use his nickname affectionately, the one you’ve always called him.
His heart skips a beat, and he nearly chokes on his drink. "Uh, yeah, I’m fine," he stammers, quickly taking a sip of his coffee to cover his nervousness. "Just a little warm, that’s all."
Jaemin and Jeno exchange knowing looks but stay quiet. They know Haechan well enough to see how much he’s holding back. The poor guy is in love with you, and you don’t even know it.
The next week, you and Haechan are walking home again, just the two of you, as usual.
This time, you’re telling him about a movie you watched the night before. You’ve been laughing about it for the last few minutes, but then you get distracted by the way the streetlights flicker on as the evening sets in.
"I love this time of day," you say softly, almost to yourself.
Haechan glances over at you, his heart swelling. He’s always so mesmerized by the way you get lost in the small moments, the way you find beauty in everything. He loves that about you.
"Yeah," he says quietly, "me too."
You smile at him, and for a moment, the world feels like it’s just the two of you, walking under the streetlights. Your hand brushes his again, and this time, you don’t pull away. You just let it happen.
"So, Hyuck," you say, looking at him with a playful glint in your eyes, "when are you finally going to admit that you like me?"
His heart stops. He freezes for a moment, thinking maybe you’ve finally caught on. But then you laugh, and he realizes you’re just joking, not really expecting an answer.
His mind is a whirlwind of thoughts. He knows he should say something, anything, but all he manages to do is give you a nervous smile. "Maybe… maybe one day."
You tilt your head, not quite understanding the depth of his words, but it doesn’t matter. To you, everything feels perfect as it is.
"One day," you repeat with a grin, "I’ll hold you to that."
Months go by, and the teasing from Jeno and Jaemin never stops. But Haechan’s feelings for you only grow stronger. Every time you laugh, every time you talk about your day, he feels like he’s falling more in love with you. He doesn’t know how much longer he can keep his feelings a secret.
Then, one night, after you’ve both been hanging out with the guys, you walk home together again. It’s late, and the air is cooler now. You’ve been talking about random things, but this time, there’s a shift in the way Haechan looks at you.
"Hey," he says quietly, turning to face you. "I need to tell you something."
"What is it?" you stop walking, looking up at him curiously
He takes a deep breath, his heart pounding in his chest. "I like you. A lot. Like, I’ve liked you for a while, and I’m not really good at hiding it anymore. But, uh, yeah… I like you."
You blink, surprised, but the moment feels so right that you can’t help but smile. "I thought I was the only one who didn’t know that."
Haechan laughs nervously. "Well, now you do."
You step closer to him, your heart racing as you hold his gaze. "I like you too, Haechan."
He grins, finally letting out a sigh of relief. "So… so what now?"
"I think we can start by not letting your friends tease you about being a simp anymore."
Haechan chuckles, pulling you into a gentle hug. "Yeah, that sounds good.
And from that moment on, things between you two couldn’t be more perfect. The teasing continues, but now, it’s not just about his feelings—it’s about the two of you, finally being together.
Every day, you find new ways to fall for each other, and everything feels right in the world.
After all, in the end, it was always meant to be.
#fic#au#fanfic#nct#nct 127#nct dream#nct haechan#lee haechan#nct fic#nct imagine#nct scenario#nct fluff#nct au#haechan imagine#haechan scenario#haechan fluff#hyuck
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hello i was tagged by @18minutemajor for WIP Wednesday. it is not Wednesday but i am also not a cop so . here we gooo!!!!!!! tagging my esteemed colleagues (very politely and with no pressure!!!):
@neonfretra @oensible @sorrellegiance @moregraceful @stereax
@wheelsnipecelebrini
@korshrimpski (EDIT: it won’t?? let me tag you. unless these are on separate lines <3)
what's in-progress in your life <3 writing? art? recipe? skill acquisition?
if any crafty people see this - if ANYONE sees this - and would like to join in, feel free and consider yourself tagged <3 (and tag me back so i can see your stuff!!!) link to 18minutemajor's post if yall curious :3 my VERY long wip dump + ramblings under the cut!
its christmas soon and i like to paint gifts for my friends + and i'm finally revisiting my anime/lineart/inking era (here you are K!! my lineart past, present, and future!! <3) so here are some things i've been working on/coming back to/MAY NEVER FINISH: hockey related:
this is juraj slafkovsky and his dinky little middle part which he can absolutely learn to style into something a little less dinky but never does. i am so charmed by him. i imagine he just rocks it because his pretty privilege supersedes dinky middle parts . LMAO!!
here is Sasuke from my Naruto Hockey AU. I am a little stuck on jersey mockups lol. here he is. our haunted little 1OA who is absolutely normal and regular about his captain (LOUD incorrect buzzer):
personal oc art
wanna know some puckpocketed deep lore? i've never been one to make OCs. i was just not a very creative kid tbh. spent all my time drawing sailor moon instead. i still go back to her sometimes because she is one of my favourite shapes in the WORLD!!
in my 20s i took up playing d&d because of the. uh. plague. <3 and got pretty close to having OCs!! those count right? anyway. here is my tavern-wench-turned-wizard!!! i think i painted this 2 years ago? <- put dates on your works guys it saves lives. her name is Mel (short for Melins (pronounced like melons. on account of her knockers. can you tell i never grew out of my 12 yr old booby/cock joke era?) i revisited Mel recently and have started painting her in earnest again!! :3
I briefly dated someone who was very into streetwear and fashion, and I fell down a techwear/gorpcore/cyberpunk rabbit hole for a couple days out of curiosity. i remember literally zero salient info on any of it except the broad strokes of silhouetting and Vibes. what i emerged with, however, was a ?? sorta OC?? im not sure what to call them. they dont rly have a name or gender. I did this little sheet ages ago + the aborted attempt at a portrait later:
Here are my most recent explorations (i have been doing SOOOO much art. <3) which include:
unfinished character sheet + chibi art. I played with their jacket (much more structured/square/tailored thing) and added a lotta random buckles and belts. i took textiles class years ago and have a little experience in garment construction. and i know for a fact this thing does not make any sense. it hurts me to look at a little bit LMAO so i've paused it while i go draft patterns (badly. i was never good at drafting. i think i may have to break out my scrap fabric stash and hand sew a real life mock-up. HELP!)
here is me having fun with them and imagining them as some kind of cyber-fisherman. the best part of every game is the fishing mini-game to me. i love fishing mini-games so much. I made their hair really big because i wanted them to have big unwieldy hair and the vibes told me i should add more movement to the piece aside from the fishing line. I messed with their jacket AGAIN because i can't stop thinking about what kinda jacket they'd wear. gorp-core ? idk. it sure is something!
gifts for my friends :3
back in my weeb era for real YAYYYY!!! up til now i'd been making hockey art using a zero pressure sensitivity pen brush because i simply did NOT want to deal with that. it is and has always been a barrier to me making art that uses line art. <3 easing my way back into it though!
I used to paint gifts for my friends and then get them printed into lil posters and mount them on nice backing :3 i am now ready and back to painting.
Here is my girlbestie's OC. just a rough pose sketch. i think im pretty unsatisfied with the gesture of the head/hand. i wanted to include her gun in some way. i fear i may have to rework the pose entirely <3
For the genshin girlies.. here are some of my friends fave characters.
Yelan - this one i started many holidays ago and put on the backburner because the colouring was wigging me out. you can see where i started rendering stuff + got sidetracked and started on something else (the crystal choker IM LAUGHING @ past me...)
Ayaka - I reaaally like what i did here with the perspective + foreshortening. I don't know if the pose or expression is in-character or not, but i had fun :3 got stunlocked looking at references of genshin weapons so this is where i left off:
if you made it all the way down here hi... <3 ice hockey really cracked the ketchup bottle open for me when it comes to making art again. i love the communities i've found, and i'm inspired by every artist on here every day. thanks for being so cool + have a great day :)
#hiiii... late with starbucks (gigantic wip dump now i feel good about sharing again)#puckpainting#tag game#eye contact#the . the tag thingy for half of these aint working HELP <3
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(scrapped painting)
its kinda fascinating how you can draw something well and instead of learning from it for the next drawing you repeat the same old mistakes that kept you from improving in the first place
(was supposed to the next scene after the previous good painting lol)
its a rly early sketch (i know it wont work out though, too much wrong) but Zaphira (standing) was winning the fight against the guy that challenged her (he also cheated and attacked her weak leg with a dagger despite it being a fist fight) so he ordered the soldiers he hid in the audience to shoot, Shargon is catching the arrows in the air before they can reach her and she trusts him enough to not even react to it
#ganondoodles#art#i guess#man .....#the scene itself is rly cool but i dont think it comes across here lol#im not even angry anymore#im just sad that i wasted almost 3 hours on this .... i redid the sketch alot too#even though i should KNOW i cant paint something if i got a sketch for it#i didnt do a sketch for the last one and it worked!!#and now im up an hours too long too#it feels embarassing to post even#i probably shouldnt even have saved it#its way more difficult too#i should just leave it be and move on bc im clearly not ready to draw it yet#its just hard to ignore that ... idk .. eagerness to please? as in ppl were interested in the previous one#so i wanted to show more of that scene#but i might have just ruined the mystery or something#anyway my blinking is like seconds long i need sleep
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nothing much going on except for the fact that I can’t stop thinking about them being back in their bachelor party colours
#I’m not sure what#but this means something to me#something about tommy not wanting to do matching costumes with buck but eddie jumping at the chance and them wearing pink and green#then tommy breaking up with buck because he knows that he isn’t the one for him#and buck immediately going to eddie’s#where they once again are wearing pink and green#idk#they are just painted as a pair time and time again#buddie endgame is coming I feel it in my bones#911 abc#buddie#911#eddie diaz#evan buckley#breakup green#happy pink#buck and eddie 8x06#911 8x06
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hong kong miku,,,
#hopping on the trend jumpscare i’m from hong kong surprise#i haven’t seen that many hk mikus around#lowkey chat i think i kinda ate with this one#however i will say i am coloring in the dark so if any colors look off that’s why#and also i haven’t opened this program in literal months i jumped straight into this no warmup no nothing#miku is what pulls me out of art block apparently i was locked in for 5 hours STRAIGHT#someone needs to teach me how to paint properly holy#not sure how i feel about the bottom left one but that was a quick one anyways#i am from hk originally but i haven’t been back in years so i have no idea about the culture other than food and mirror#OKAY let me explain the context#street food is a big thing in hk and quick and easy things like fish balls egg waffles and like siu mai and wonton noodles are popular#back then people really would just squat down on the side of the road or right in front of the shop to eat it and go#but i don’t think anyone does that anymore city life and all that#ohh i should have done instant noodles breakfasts god i loved those#if anyones from hk if you go to the causeway bay mtr station exit that leads up to the big road near sogo. do they still sell siu mai there#that shit was BANGER i remember asking for them all the time#a good majority of parents in hk would get their daughters ears pierced as a baby something about them not feeling as much pain idk#that’s just what i was told#i used the neon for her friendly standard greeting cause i wanted to incorporate the neon signs somehow without actually drawing a whole bg#lots of neon signs in hk. i heard they had to take them down cause of light pollution which is sad but understandable#everyone got their shoes from dr kong. at least when i was younger they did#boy band is self explanatory. i heard they’re really popular my mom listens to them#oh i had her messing with her shoes cause hk people move FAST. you stop for one second and you get shoved#so like a fun little allusion#gave her black roots just for fun. she is violating every school uniform code possible#this is all based off of my memory by the way so like. anyone who knows this better than i do hit me up#hatsune miku#miku from my culture#jellos scribbles#i haven’t tag yapped in so long welcome back my love i missed you
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I work hard on my icons is the thing, and I know other creators do as well, they're small edits but they're still edits
It's finding the perfect screen shot, its lighting and coloring and even more!
then we put them nicely onto a rebloggable post, give people different color options and shapes, throw in lil graphics to give it a certain flair
All. For. Fucking. Free.
the least you can do is like the post you take your icon from, the best thing you can do is reblog them
I stopped making icons for months because my posts would get like 13 notes (most of them likes) and yet I'd see the icon be used by more than 13 people - NONE OF WHICH LIKED OR REBLOGGED THE POSTS
I've even seen people take my icons (again who didn't like or reblog the original post) and edit them and use them for something else WITHOUT MY PERMISSION or give me credit
its exhausting, please support the content creators on this website
#kayla.txt#the funny thing is when a good fucking chunk of fandom uses your icons and they have so little notes like jfc#I TAKE FUCKING REQUESTS#i know Im slow at them and I dont get to all of them but its right there#Im not askimg for credit I just want a reblog#ppl who give credit are the real ones though I love you 🥰#not necessary but makes me feel good#ive been doing this for years for free#I know when ppl steal my icons#i have a style I have a technique#the pngs I create are good ones#I literally paint the character in a mask and zoom in to make sure I get every hair and fold in the clothes#its not easy sometimes#AND LIGHTING ICONS JFC#just idk#we all pick our icons its something everyone sees on their dash everytime they go on tumblr#just give icon makers and banner makers and just all content creators more respect is what im saying#rant over
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I filmed a timelapse of my process for this quick one💓
Honestly not really happy with how this turned out & I’ll probably redo it😆 but I always love making process videos!!
I REALLY HAVE TO TRUST MY PROCESS🙏🙏🙏 these paintings always look AWFUL😳 until the very end but luckily I’ve painted enough of them to keep pushing through and not give up in tears bahahahahahah
1) I start out just painting the base colors. I have a dirty paint palette I NEVER clean😤 but tbh I like it bc every color I want is basically already mixed from a previous painting, and I like having all of the colors kind of blend together. If I need a different color though I’ve never had problems mixing to get exactly what I’m looking for💓
2) WAIT FOR IT TO DRY (I didn’t…you can see at one point I check the back of the page to make sure I didn’t destroy it completely). This paint dries SUPER fast…I am just impatient bc the next step is when it all starts to come together🥰:
3) COLORED PENCIL ON TOP!! I always make sure the paint covers almost all of the page except the parts I want to keep really white, because the colored pencil looks awful if it isn’t drawn on top of paint. I just sharpen them and go in with the small details, but I also love going crazy with the colors and using them to shade, add highlights, add extra pops of color etc. For example, on Bea’s shirt I used gold, dark blue, dark brown, normal brown, mauve, tan, olive green…I just like to experiment and have fun choosing the colors (esp ones that I think SHOULDN’T work but they DO🥰)
Sometimes I switch between the paint and the colored pencil bc the paint can be used to kind of “erase” any mistakes, but I can’t go too crazy or add a lot of water to it because I use the cheapest paper known to man and it gets destroyed SO EASILY 😫 all of the fanart I’ve drawn is in €1 notebooks
#this is himi gouache crayola colored pencils btw#on printing paper (or worse idk…)#in case you wanted to try and replicate😆 honestly for thinfs like this unless you’re a professional#I feel like the cheap stuff is fine#also do you guys like the timelapse?#or should I do like my normal ones where I film tiny parts up close and stitch them all together?#idk I just wanted to show how awful my paintings look until the very end so I chose this way😆#but I still don’t like it that much…#oh well this is fanart I’ll just do the next panel and keep trying to improve 😤🫶#hope you guys enjoyed this though!!!!! I’m not the best explainer#but if you have any questions or just want to talk about art !!!!!!#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#leo babbit#leo x bea#Bea#i feel like this is unclear and I missed something…🥲
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Fragment
#signalis#eule signalis#eule#ara#ara signalis#been wanting to make something with the bluring tool against a background#those types of paintings have always been so interesting to me#i wanted to capture the feeling of like. seeing someone who shouldn't be there#or feeling them?? smelling them?? idk#oh yeah zwan gets infected too bc uh#*looks at smudged writting on hand*#lesbians can never be happy#ocs#oc art#einundzwanzig#kaffee#just something sketchy before i sleep
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A new sculpture! Finally... I feel like I never sculpt anymore since I'm always sick or have some 500 other things going on or projects to finish, but I'm trying to schedule time to do it more often this year hopefully..! Just a generic fantasy creature as usual, but did try making the eyes a little more sparkly this time.. hrmm..
#sculpture#fantasy art#fantasy creature#art#elf#lol what are the tags I should use... I still never know.. EVIL social media.. hate the idea of tagging anything ever anyway. but alas..#I also would ideally like to start selling them again and open up custom commmissions and stuff again once I can hopefully get paypal#stuff sorted out. and find like.. a good way to do things.. etc.. I did still want to sell them through auction instead of agonizing#over setting prices being afraid they're either too high or too low. So being able to just be like. Here. this is $50. or more. or less.#negotiate. the worth is whatever you feel like it is so i personally dont have to make that decision. etc. lol... But etsy doesn't let you#do auctions or like pay what you want type stuff so.. then I was thinking ebay? but idk.. ANYWAY.. I want to set things#up so I can sell stuff again hopefully. I still haven't fully recovered from the costs of when I had to take my cat to the vet and put#them down last year and etc. So it'd be good to sell a few things. perhaps.. maychance... perhamble... so on and so forthe... ANYWAY#I was going for whiter more milky sort of hair that blends in closely with the skintone but after the paint dried it seems more yellowy kin#of. which is fine. But just not exacltly like my mind vision lol..#Also it's like... wow... someone with face spots and elf ears and a half open mouth with a gap tooth and wavy hair and kind of downturned#eyes... revolutionary... never been seen before... every sculpture I have ever made surely doesnt look licherally exactly like this... LOL#but maybe it's just a style. so what. People have their motifs lol.. Im just getting back into sculpting. I shall sameface in peace. huzzah#Just like the only thing I ever carve out of avocado pits anymore is eyes. Because that's just whats fun to do. I'm going to accumulate lik#25 similar avocado eyes and have nothing to do with them. I was thinking of stringing some together into a necklace of eyes or something li#like that but.. hrmm... ANYWAY.. Love to do the same things repetitively. :3c
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Oh, thats slutty.
#you get no context.#ok a little context- i just wrote a part of my fic and the handler does something and holy shit yeah thats a little slutty bestie#soyona is def feeling things about it. hoo boy is she feeling things about it 💀#idk i feel like i need to share my thought about writing that because holy shit where did that come from??#but also i dont want to give spoilers...#ok a little spoiler- theres a lot of close up eye contact a tongue and blood. use your imagination 💀#shes also doing it on purpose a lil bit 💀 she wants to keep a painting soyona hates. we love a manipulating queen!!#please can they fuck alreadyyy this author (me) is shitttt#minors dni
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ARCANE EPISODE 7!!!!
MY GOD I WASNT READY FOR ANY OF THIS!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!!
Also ekko wallpaper I got with my fries lmao
#OH MY GOOOD!!!!!! POWDER AND EKKO!!! AND BENZOOOOOO#ITS LITERALLY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN OMGG!!!!! POWDER LOOKS SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭 IM CRYING ALREADYYYY#VANDER WITH A BUN!! AND EVERYTHING IS SO FULL OF LIGHT!!! HER EYES!!! MYLO LOOKS SO RIDICULOUS AKDJSK THIS GIRLAAA#“where would you be without her” WELL BUDDY IF YOU KNEW HOW HE IS WITH HER!!! VI IS DEAD????? OR SHE WAS TAKEN FOR THE INCIDENT!!!#LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID JAYCE!!! MY GOD!!! THE GEMS KILLED VI SO THEY JUST COMPLETELY PROHIBITED THEM!!! JAYCE IS IN JAIL PROBABLY!!#the fact we are seeing exactly why jayce should be sorry about what he has done.... and we are seeing him suffer because of it... cinema 🚬#also mel fading into viktor.... also has he realised how she manipulated him in the beggining??? there is so much stuff...#jayce eating contaminated animals and his wound being infected with the arcane too..... is that what will push him....#omg.... ekko likes powder so much... he apologised by painting actual adult vi portraits where the fallen are in his universe 😭😭😭#“she looks so badass” if you knew... is he gonna ask her to help him make hextech.... that is so sick and twisted....#also jayce hurting his leg loke viktor and having to use a cane and brace.... damn and you know whats worse..... that ekko could be like#this with the jinx of his universe IF ISHA HADNT DIED!!! AND IT IS BEACUSE OF JAYCE!! AGAIN!!!!! THIS MAN!!!!!#the drawing with the anomaly and the two men and the inifite symbol... we get it... jayce and viktor forever intertwined by fate....#powder is sensing something is off.... omg time travel..... THE LIMIT IS FOUR SECONDS AFTER HEIMERDINGER EPXLODED ALDHAKSHSKSJSOJSOSLS#i dont want a time travel ending.... if its done for plot to an extent is okay but idk about solving it all.... it makes it feel worhtless#claggor looks so fine its not even funny..... i cant wait to see what everyone thinks. WHERE IS THE LITTLE LADY bc hes called little man 😭#and vander with arm tattoos.... why did they hipster fied him.... he looks younger somehow ajdhakj he went from taking care of 4 kids to 3!#SILCO!!!! AND HE DID TRY TO KILL HIM!! ALSJAKSKAK Ekko just laighing at it.... girl i would be pissed STROMAE??? OMG POWDER!!!!#I JUST REALIZED THE PINK IN HER HAIR IS FOR VI!! AND HER JACKET!! AND A DRESS LIKE HER MOTHER'S!! CRYING!!! FULL BODY CHILLS!!!#CAN WE JUST PRETEND LIKE ITS THE FIRST TIME!!! I GAVE UP ON YOU!!! WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN I NEED TO KNOW!!! IM SOBBING!!! EKKO!!!!#NOOOOOOO THE ANOMALY NOOOOO!!!! HEIMERDINGER NOOOOO!!!! AND THATS JAYCE!!! IS THAT MAGE VIKTOR???? the monkeys......#the vi toy with the out love song machine.... my god i wasnt expecting any of this i need to breathe i am stil tearing up my god#what a fucking punch in the stomach christ i cant breathe right akdhsksso#the credits saying the deries has benefited from a spanish tax rebate in the canary islands??? you're welcome i guess lmao#animation production carried out there and has ben collaboration with the Spanish gov... alright another win for perro sanxe#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#watching this i dont think im ready for caitvi sex.... after reconciliation even like what will be of me.... now im scared#i am still scared bc idk what happened to jinx and vi and cait still... thats what worried me and boom!! ekko powder with the steel chair..
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abt to say smthng deranged
but ive reverted to accepting my fate here especially since im really really lazy and stupid and just want to draw but the only sharp thing still poking at my sides is wanting to transition and how I know as soon as my birthday rolls around I'll wish I had done anything to get out and start that, while sobbing hysterically over how the years just keep passing me by in that regard. 14 years. 15 years. And many many more.
But at the same time its like. I wouldnt want to claw my way out solely to transition (which at this point would be the sole positive thing about leaving). Because whats the point. I want to be transitioned before I really look for or accept love, yes, but moving out and doing so wouldn't lead to that I dont think. Id be living the same life im living here, but Worse and more exhausting. So i also dont see the worth in fighting to do it.
I feel those 2 views are at odds, but, like, its never enough to do things just for myself even if I really need it. It always has to be in relation to someone else. There would not be a someone else so why bother. Im not finding love while I live here so it doesn't Really matter if i cant do it, but this wouldnt change if i left so why would I fight for it. Why be the true version of me if I have nobody to share Me with (especially considering it will ostracize me from most everyone else I love.) I dont know
#i feel this doesnt make sense but idk#its like how i would not have gotten a car at all if it wasnt for Someone i wanted to be able to drive around#if they visited#its the same here. i feel so incomplete without transition and my life cant begin without it#if anyone took interest in me now it would feel hollow until i was actually myself#but nobody is taking interest Now#and if i moved out solely to transition its not like changing locations would suddenly change anything.#so why bother. why do it. its going to be the same anyway#why make my life harder for no reason#why decorate a place you'll always have to leave why deep clean a home nobody will ever visit but You.#theres no point if its just You.#thsi also extends to a lot of things like how i want to paint but cant unless its for someone else#ill draw a billion characters Standing There for a friend before i do 1 for myself bc i dont see the point or Worth#delete later#it was a horrendous experience overall but id never been more motivated to do something than when i had a ''partner''...#nothing made me more willing to turn my entire life around. ill go back to school and study some miserable shit that#will make me rich so I can spend it on You and make You happy. i would not do this for myself.#im not doing anything for myself right now. no use in doing anything for that guy he doesnt deserve it
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Honestly I really want to be able to side with Solas in dreadwolf. I think it'd be super interesting to play as an elf in Tevinter and be able to just go "yeah actually I think Fen'Harel is right let's tear down that veil." I mean I assume the main conflict will be Solas trying to convince your character to join him, or your character being told they have to try and stop him, and there are not enough games that let you side with the presented "villain" character. I want to see what the world is like with no veil I'm so interested. Also so interested to see what full-on Fen'Harel Solas is like. Is he still as empathetic? Or is he more conniving and distanced from "mortals" like the old stories would have us believe?
#side note it's been a hot minute since I've played trespasser I've been obsessed with origins and anders and justice recently ok#i don't have super high hopes cause bioware sucks ass#Idk if they'll have the balls to introduce the player to that level of moral nuance#i just think it would be fun and cool to have some choices on the final outcome#*with the main villain character I should say#instead of 'player character who is awesome hero defeats evil mean bad guy'#i feel like the past games have always tried to paint a very clear target of who the 'bad guy' is#when in reality that's rarely ever so simple#i want a story that lets you decide if you actually think the bad guy is bad or not#and then lets you choose what to do about it instead of directing you to kill this one guy to save the day yknow?#and I think this would be a wonderful opportunity to explore that#and I mean we did get this is 2 if I'm honest#there's not really a singlular villain#you can choose if you think the mages or the Templars are right and side with one or the other#dragon age dreadwolf#fen'harel#solas dragon age#i just like complications in stories that make decisions very hard#make solas the players friend or something again make him seem like a person and not an evil mage entity bent on killing everyone#maybe I'm just tired of how often the writers have done moral gymnastics and tried to swap it around#to make it seem like actually the mages should all be locked away and treated like shit cause they're all egotistical maniacs#and that the Templar/mage issue is a both sides have a point thing when it is clearly not#maybe I just want them to direct us towards taking the side of the oppressed instead of the oppressors for once#Hope you enjoyed my longish rant I hide in the tags as usual
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currently building a little dollhouse out of cardboard
#i need to cut holes for windows so its still very much a work in progress#debating on what to do with the frame....should i just paint it or cover it in scrapbook paper#also i forgot hot glue guns were HOT#anyways i used to build lil houses out of cardboard and old kleenex boxes when i was a child#i have a lot of cardboard that was going to be thrown out but i had the idea to make something out of it#still feeling empty and depressed but i want to do stuff that i normally dont do#like different crafts i wouldnt usually make#like dollhouses#idk#will update with progress when i get to it its my day off and im probably just gonna do this all day#life with seag
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art students are suuuuch babies dude i actually can't believe all the profs are so nice i'd be grabbing people by the shoulders and shaking them and yelling "JUST REMIX THE FUCKING COLOR WHY HAVE YOU TAKEN 3 PAINTING CLASSES AND YOU STILL WONT EVEN ATTEMPT TO MATCH A COLOR THAT YOU MIXED BEFORE WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE TIME DO YOU HAVE LITERALLY NO DESIRE TO IMPROVE OR DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND THE PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS MAKING INCREIDBLE WORK IS ONLY OUTSIDE FACTORS YOU CLAIM TO HAVE NO CONTROL OVER RATHER THAN WORK AND A WILLINGNESS TO TRY CHALLENGING THINGS
#i actually was talking about this w one of my classmates during lunch today we were like yeah i feel like there's a lot of people who just#have tons of excuses all the time and don't really take it seriously and don't want to actually try hard#like in our classes we have noticed a lot of people like this this semester. and we have the little chat and then we go to class and the#whole time our other classmate is crying to me abt how her paints that she had mixed got too wet? in her stay wet palette bc i guess she put#too much water on the sponge? idk i use paper towels in a tupperware so idk what her struggle was.... 30 dollar palette btw....#anyway she was crying to me the whole time about how she couldn't possibly use those paints and i was like. cant you squeeze out more paint#to correct the consistency? and she was like no i can't remix them i don't remember what colors i used to get these specific colors#and i'm sitting there like. okayyyy. and then i was like can you not just use the watered down paints i think it actually is better bc you#can get really subtle blends and build it up slowly (the entire point of the assignment btw) and she was like no it's too watery even for#that (it wasn't) i encourage her to try anyway and she starts putting it down making no effort to blend in between layers and shows it to me#and it of course looks awful and she's like seeee it doesn't work. okay girl sure i guess just don't fucking do the assignment see if i care#like why are you complaining to me why are you not just MAKING AN ATTEMPT TO GET BETTER AT SOMETHING#what do you think school is FOR#and of course she had a headache. and of course she didn't sleep well. and one million other things. you're not gonna make it. you're gonna#apply for the bfa program and they're gonna deny you and you're gonna make up some reason it somehow wasn't your fault#god i hate to be mean i think it's valid to struggle and get frustrated OF COURSE i do it all the time but i never ever see her just like.#make something. without making up a million reasons why she could t do x better or get it done even CLOSE to on time#and there's like 6 of this girl. but she's the one who sits next to me so it just drives me extra!!! crazy!!!
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