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nosesitter · 1 year

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Boss!Joel Miller

3.3k words

boss!joel you’re out on the town, looking slutty, 6 vodka crans in, your tits are practically out, walking all sloppy, talking very loud and who do you run into? Your very hot boss Joel who’s only ever seen you in business attire.

a/n: I think I have a thing for having sex in trucks this is second time I’ve written about that. I love some mean Joel love me some mean men that I can make cum and then they start acting right. Going to be writing part 3 of helpful Joel miller just need to think some more. Pls interact, reblog, comment and tell me what you think I love feedback!!

⚠️: mean!joel, name calling(baby,slut,whore), reader is drunk as a skunk, alcohol consumption, public semi voyeur, p in v, spanking with a belt!!, choking, finger sucking, sex in a truck, Joel has a truck that has those blinding headlights, thick dick Joel, SMALL cum play, m!receiving oral, swallowing cum

As the seconds slowly count down to 4 o’clock you’re sitting at your desk thinking about how you’re going to lie to your boss so you can leave work early, it’s your friends birthday and you just want to go home get ready and pregame. It’s not a problem for you to lie, but to Joel? Nah, something about your boss makes it extremely hard, seeing him just makes you want to tell the truth, get on your knees and beg for his forgiveness. Your boss, Joel Miller, is extremely attractive, always wearing the tightest button down shirts to show off his broad shoulders and sculpted muscles in his arms. It’s very contradicting whenever you walk into his office and he’s just man spreading, yelling questions about the assignments he’s given you. Slacks bunching around his thighs you just wanna lay over his lap and have him spank you until your skin is blistering red, begging him to stop.

As you’re sitting there, 5 minutes into the new hour, trying to think of lies and finishing up the latest project that Mr. Miller has given you your office phone rings without having to look at the caller ID you know it’s your boss. “Yes sir?”

“Come into my office we have to talk about your recent turn in.” The last assignment you’ve turned into him was about 30 pages long and contained all his business contacts organized by the most recent ones he’s worked with. You tried to organize it more better but Joel was on vacation so you used your best judgement with handling it but sounds like it was wrong.

As you walk to his office you stop by a big glass window. You can see your reflection and take this time to straighten yourself out. A lot of the other ladies in the department you worked in wore very low cut blouses and tight pencil skirts. You just wear an all black blouse, slacks, and cardigan. He has made comments about the way you dress, especially here in Texas he almost expected you to show skin around the office just like the others but they do that for his attention. You already have his attention unbeknownst to you.

“Just come in!” He bellows out from the other side of the door. You push the door open and there he is sitting behind his desk for a change while a younger looking man stands next to him. “Please take a seat.” He says through gritted teeth, he seems upset. The younger one begins to talk.

“My names Tommy, I’m Joel’s younger brother. We were just going over the assignment I gave Joel last week and looks like it wasn’t done by Joel it was done by you.” Tommy says coming over to sit right next to you. Everyone in the office knows Joel slacks off, but turns out his brother and superior didn’t know about that. Your gaze shifts to the older Mr. Miller and he’s just rolling his eyes at his brothers choice of words.

“It was fantastic! I absolutely loved how you set it up and so did a lot of people higher than me.” He tells you happily causing the anxiety in your stomach to settle and your shoulders to relax as you soak in the compliment from the younger nicer brother. He leans forward and sets his hand on your thigh.

“We’d love to get you up here in your own office, working right alongside Joel and I.” His brother is also very attractive but he doesn’t have that ruggedness and frightening edge like Joel. Tommy’s thumb is rubbing small circles into the side of your thigh. Joel notices this.

“We can get you moved in right now-“ The older one begins talking again but you cut him off. He also notices that.

“My grandma needs me to help get her from the hospital-“ you stand from your seat and try to distance yourself from the angry looking older brother.

“Please go, I’m pretty sure we can get someone to help Joel move your things into the office next door.” Tommy is very nice, handsy, but nice nonetheless. You begin to excuse yourself from the room but not before looking back at Mr. Miller who waves you off angrily from behind his happier younger brother.

——

It’s 9 o’clock by the time you finish getting ready. Knocking out some errands beforehand so you’ve had time to relax before getting absolutely hammered. You’ve decided on some tight black pants and a black lace corset. Definitely a change from your normal clothes but you’re celebrating so you can look slutty for the night.

Grabbing your wallet and phone you head out to the Uber you’ve ordered and head over to the strip of night clubs near your apartment. When you get there you can see all your friends at the first club on the block. With that y’all start the night off.

——

It’s 30 minutes after midnight and half of your friends have gone home. It’s just you, the birthday girl, and her friend. They keep talking about wanting to go home but you’re at that point where you could have another drink but you know it’ll be a bad idea but it sounds so fun.

“I’m going to another club!” You’re slurring your words so drunk you can’t even think about anything else. As you’re stumbling to the next club you hear your name being shouted probably your friends yelling for you. You show the bouncer your ID and once again your name is being called from outside. Ignoring it you head right in and straight to the bar

“Vodka cran!” You yell to the bartender and he goes right to making the drink. As you’re standing there waiting for the drink an arm comes around your waist. You follow the hand to the body and it’s Mr. Joel Miller. You stand there for a moment and just stare at him. He’s wearing a silk shirt the first three buttons undone, gold necklaces sitting so pretty on his neck god damn he looks fucking good. No one breaks eye contact as the bartender puts the drink in front of you along with the bill. Joel sets his debit card right on the counter then leans forward, his beard scratching the side of your cheek, lips right on your ear. It feels wrong but it sends electricity through your body. You’ve been caught by him.

“How’s grandma?” You can hear the condescending tone in his voice. He’s enjoying seeing you act dumbfounded by his appearance here. You grab your drink and just walk past him heading to the patio best believe he’s following behind. Feeling the cold night air hit your face to take a breath and a big sip of your drink to regain the drunk confidence you desperately need to get through this.

“This definitely looks bad and I’m sor-“ He’s not paying attention to anything you’re saying but instead staring you down with intense sexual hunger. All those times he’s yelled and put the fear of god into you for not getting work done faster fades away as he sees your nipples poking from behind the lace of your top.

“You should wear stuff like this at work, I’d be in your new office everyday baby.” His fingers reaching out to touch the lace that’s stuck to your chest. He knows what he’s saying and doing is highly inappropriate and you could definitely get him fired for this but you have to admit the attention sends a lighting bolt of feelings to your core causing you to clench around nothing. You take another big sip of your drink.

“You man spreading while yelling at me is inappropriate, how can you scold me and not expect me to feel turned on seeing you like that.” People walking all around pushing the both of y’all closer together. His right hand moves forward to grab your waist. His touch causing goosebumps to rise of your skin from excitement, brown eyes blown out with lust he can’t keep his eyes off your chest. He takes the nearly drink from your hand and finishes it off, he sets it to the side and leads you closer to the speakers, you can feel the bass in your chest and your tongue in your throat as Joel takes your hand with his big one. The both of you facing each other standing near the back under red flashing lights. He guides your arms around his neck, your fingers tangling in his damp neck hair.

One of his hands searching for your bare skin, the spot between your corset and band of your pants, you feel extremely hot he can definitely feel the heat radiating off your body as his other hand moves down from the strap on your shoulder and over the curve of your fleshy breast poking out of the lace cup. You can feel yourself clench around nothing again the feeling you have in your clit is numbing. You want nothing but his big tanned hand on you rubbing circles while his salt and pepper beard scratches your neck.

The music is so loud it’s deafening only focusing on each others wondering hands. A bold feeling probably from the alcohol comes hurling up from you, causing you to pull yourself into Joel’s lips. There’s no hesitation from Joel whatsoever he welcomes your cranberry stained lips and vodka flavored tongue into his mouth. Both his hands sneak into the band of your pants and over the curve of your ass brushing past your thong his hands so greedy for skin to skin contact he just wants to bruise your skin, hot flesh spilling through the gaps in his fingers as he kneads your ass. Pressing yourself onto him you can feel his erection stop against your zipper. He feels extremely thick you couldn’t imagine him inside of you.

You break away from his mouth and attach your lips to his neck, salty from sweat you couldn’t care less. You can feel the vibrations in his neck from him groaning, it makes you excited and you immediately want to hear more. Grabbing his hand again you head to the exit door that leads out into an alley. The cold air hits your skin and you catch your breath but not for long as Joel pulls you out the alley and down the street into a parking garage.

He skips the elevator and pushes the emergency stairs door open and leans back against it to stop anyone else from opening it. Joel’s hands go straight for his belt pulling the buckle off then pulls the whole thing out from the loops with one forceful pull.

“Pull your pants down and put your hands on the rail.” There’s no doubt you’re wet. You can feel yourself spill over the small surface of your thong and onto your thighs it’s all too much and he hasn’t even began to touch you fully. You comply without a second thought pulling your pants down under your thighs. Joel hissed at the sight before him he leans forward from the door and walks closer to pull at the top of your thong causing the strap to snap back onto you. His hand coming down and grabbing your ass, jiggling the skin with the contact. He had you so relaxed with his touch that you almost forgot about the belt in his hand. Until he spanked you with it. The sound of leather on skin makes an echo all through the stairwell. A soundless scream leaving your lips it brings you back to reality. Brings you back to your dick boss with his hands on you leaving welts on your skin in a public place.

“I’d rather have you over my lap but that can wait till next time, sweetheart.” He grabs your pants and pulls them back up for you then motions for you to start walking. As you walk out of the stairwell and into the more public eye Joel digs in his pocket for his key and points it at his truck. The bright lights come on causing to to turn your head and shield your eyes. Before you can touch the door handle Joel sneaks up behind you and wraps his arms around your neck turning the both of y’all around.

“Let’s not waste any time, get in the backseat with me baby.” He pulls you back onto him and his hard cock then opens the back passenger door no one can see what you’re doing but they can definitely see the pairs of feet standing over each other under the door. His right hand going to your neck making your head fall back onto his shoulder. Left hand is heading for your screaming core. Your clit begging for his rough fingers to rub circles into it.

“Fucking slut, look a’cha dripping for me?” He’s so damn cocky, having you in a position like this and still being so mean. His middle finger moving from your clit to dip down and gather more of your wetness. He growls into your neck as his two middle fingers push into you causing you to moan out and clench around him. Joel moves his hand from your neck to your lips shoving his middle finger into your mouth making you suck it. Tongue swinging around the digit. His two fingers curving up into the squishy part of you, so much stimulation at one time you squeeze your thighs together feeling his hand squish in between them.

Both of his hands rip away from your body and push you up into his backseat, your body falls backward onto the seat he uses this to take your pants off tossing them behind you and then climbing into the truck. He slams the door and squeezes past you his hands going quick for his zipper. As you’re sitting up you look at his cock that he’s pulled out already, so girthy, looking at it sobers you up a little. His head leaned back against the seat, eyes hooded as his hand strokes himself. Pulling his hand away he opens the palm and spits right into it not breaking eye contact with you.

“C’mon baby, hop on.” He looks intoxicating like this, so desperate looking begging for you to be wrapped around him. Swinging your leg over his lap and lowering over him he holds himself steady as you sink onto him. You look at his face as you lower but he’s looking at your hungry cunt stretch over him making his cock disappear into you. Your clit makes contact with the patch of black and gray pubic hair and it makes your sensitive clit tingle. You can hear his legs unstick from the leathery seats as he lowers down to hammer into you. Bracing for the beating your pussy is about to get you grab his shoulder and the handle above the door.

“Princess too good to bounce on my cock, havin’ me do all the work.” His accent so thick he’s staring to slur his words together. His hand slaps your ass as he stops moving and just lays there.

“Ride me don’t make me ask again I won’t be nice.” You don’t dare disobey him you need to cum you lay back onto the drivers seat and move your hips in slow motions, he’s buried deep inside of you the tip of his cock hitting deep squishy areas and the girth of him stretching you so nicely. It’s steaming inside his truck precipitation all over the windows, every once and a while a car passing by shining their headlights into the truck no doubt seeing what’s going on even shielded behind the drivers seat.

Joel’s hands pulling the cups of your top down ripping the lace in the process. His fingers pinching and pulling your nipples. This causes you to clench around him. A intense chilling sensation ripping right through your lower abdomen.

“Oh shit my cock poking through stomach .” Joels a mumbling mess he can’t even make coherent sentences with you clenching so hard around him. His warm hand goes flat above your pubic bone as he presses on himself with your organs. You lean forward, hands going to his cheeks and lips smashing into his, and begin to use his cock for your own pleasure. The truck is shaking no doubt, people walking past drunkly to their cars cheering as they see steam covered windows and your loud moans coming from the vehicle.

Your thighs are shaking as you bounce on him moaning through the pain as your knees begin to buckle your hands grabbing his hair and pulling it in different directions. “I’ma cum inside you!” He’s loud, breathy and moaning his words into your skin. You can feel him gush inside of you feeling him coat your insides with his seed. It happened so hard you can taste the feeling of his spent in your throat. Bodies sticking to each other, you’re dripping wet causing his leg hair to stick and mat against his thighs. He leans forward and grabs a water bottle from the middle console behind you.

You lift yourself from his lap and wince as he falls out of you. Sitting right next to him you can feel the mixture of each others cum dripping out of you. “Not on my leather seats, whore.” Joel says and moves his hands over to slip a finger inside of you pushing the combination of spent back into you. His finger having no effect on your stretched walls the way his dick did. You see his limp dick twitch a little in his lap and decide to give it a kiss. Opening your mouth and giving the tip an open mouth kiss you can taste the tang of the both of y’all on your tongue. Joel gives you a little groan as you mouth lowers over him cleaning his cock off. He twitches inside your mouth as he hardens again. His body so sensitive to his release that he begins to clench his thighs and jerk his cock deeper into your mouth.

P-please, baby stop ill cum again I know it.” You decide to push him to his limit after all those times of him giving you stupid work that was his all along you keep sucking hallowing your cheeks and swirling your tongue around his shaft. It’s not long before his hand presses on the back of your head and he’s sputtering what little he had left into your mouth. He’s gasping now, immediately soft in your mouth you pop off and swallow what’s in your mouth.

“When you come in Monday morning I’m bending you over my desk and eating you out.” You sit there proud with yourself and your actions and for once excited to go into work.

————🥴🤭😈

reblog, like, and validate me🫶🏻

0711

#joel miller smut #dark joel miller #mean!joel miller #joel miller one shot #pedro pascal smut #the last of us #joel x female reader

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red-pill-to-swallow · 1 year

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Doing your part in a relationship

Hey babes,

it’s Monday – a new, fresh week and the ultimate opportunity to make some changes.

I don’t know why it feels so much better to start a new routine on a Monday than it does on a random Wednesday.

I took some time after I posted my last two posts and really thought about the relationship dynamic between my man and me.

I thought about changes that I would like to make and what could help us to become a better couple.

Honestly, I was pretty shocked after all my thinking because it turns out that my man is the rock in this relationship and I am not sure why he is still sticking around when he could probably do so much better.

But let me explain:

I gave up working in my full-time job around January 2023 and have been home ever since then.

My man was aware that I was totally burned out from my job and offered me that I could stay at home and take care of the household chores.

Previously we used to split the chores around the house roughly 50/50. It was very fair and in some weeks he did more than me and some weeks I did more than him, like it’s in every relationship.

I would say that I am fairly good at housekeeping. I know how to cook, how to clean and how to do laundry.

However – I never before was responsible for everything. From going grocery shopping and planning meals to cleaning the bathrooms every week – suddenly all of this was on me.

I struggle really bad with organizing myself, this was one of the reasons why I was so burned out from my previous job, and I started slacking.

I would do the laundry one day and take three days before I started folding it. My man literally had no underwear one time and flipped out because that’s obviously disgusting and instead of improving – I started to get mad at him.

It wasn’t only the laundry, it also began affecting my cooking – which I loved doing before – and I would start making only frozen meals or just serving cold meat cuts with bread.

We started fighting a lot more because my man was sad, that instead of relaxing at home he would need to help me with my chores – after a full workday.

I had my epiphany a few weeks ago (when I made this blog) and realized that my man has every right to be mad at me. He does his job. I am not.

So, let’s see – my man works really though hours. He leaves the house early in the morning and comes home in the early evening. He’s usually stressed because his job is very demanding and he is responsible for a lot of people.

Imagine coming home to your girlfriend, who’s staying at home, and almost nothing is done. The fridge isn’t restocked, the floor is dirty and there is no food. After your shower you realize that you have no fresh underwear because your girlfriend didn’t wash any.

I would flip out too.

My behavior was/is borderline disrespectful and I am honestly ashamed because of it. I would have broken up with me if I was him.

But here we are – still together and I don’t plan on dodging this second chance.

I think many girls that want the lifestyle of a spoiled girlfriend or a stay at home girlfriend don’t realize how hard it is to organize a whole household on your own.

Yes, there might be some men out there that are so rich that they don’t mind employing staff to help around the house, but I don’t think that this is achievable for a woman in her twenties without having various high value connections in the right circles. At least I don’t have those connections.

I am responsible for keeping the house clean, making food and going grocery shopping. That takes maybe 5 hours of my day and the rest of the time I can do whatever I want.

My man only wants to come home to a clean, organized house with a stocked fridge and possibly a hot meal on the stove.

Honestly – he is the one that is working his ass off every day, not me.

The worst is, that I even started to neglect my appearance. I used to shave every second day and that slowly progressed to only once a week. I used to color my hair religiously and worked out at least three times a week.

Now I haven’t touched up my hair in over three months, my roots are disgusting and I am very ashamed because of it. I mean, even though my man pays for my beauty appointments – I couldn’t get my ass up.

However, I cleaned our whole house today. From the bottom to the top. It’s spotless. I did laundry and went grocery shopping and I made a plan on how to maintain all of those things.

I won’t share the plan just yet because I want to make sure that I can actually follow it before I share it with you.

What should you take with you after reading this rant?

Be careful that you’re always a responsible partner. Don’t be like me. If you’re telling your partner that you plan on doing something – actually follow through and do it. Don’t disappoint them all the time.

Make sure that you acknowledge what they do for you and thank them for it every once in a while.

It is unattractive to be lazy and not being able to keep up with your standards. It’s unfair to your partner to let yourself go and they have every right to be upset about it.

Think before you speak and start an argument. Are you really right? Is it worth to start an argument about something that is your responsibility?

I mean, my man made it clear in the beginning: If I want to stay at home and live a cozy life – I have to take care of the house while he works and provides for us both.

He does his part of the agreement. Every single day.

I’ve only done my part of the agreement when I felt like it and that is not okay. But I am changing and I know that he has already forgiven me for all the hassle.

See you soon

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academic-comeback · 28 days

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Week 1: Routines

Routines. Are. Everything. But they are also completely up to you. Establishing one can be difficult, but I have found is essential to a functional life. And it doesn't require a 7am wakeup every morning and falling asleep exactly at 11pm every night (those of us with insomnia, anxiety and others who just can't seem to switch their brains off will most definitely understand how difficult that can be), but it means keeping your life as organized as possible. College-era jobs are unpredictable. So is life. I personally work in food service, where schedules are variable and not entirely up to me. One day I could be opening and getting home at 4pm, while another day I'll get there at 4pm and close, working until 11pm depending on the job hours and who stays extra late just talking. What you do outside of the uncontrollable makes or breaks you. Routines, to me, are more about organizing the time you *do* have, no matter when that is. So in creating a schedule, you need to list your priorities, no matter what they may be. You also need to be able to be flexible, especially if you're working. Even if you're not working, staying strict in your routines can make life boring, and could lower the chances that you'll stick to them. Rigidness in the things you can control makes people like me not want to do them, so we should be open to changing *when* we get things done, as long as they get done within our set time frame. So, to create the routine. List priorities. Essential priorities while in college should probably include studying, keeping a tidy dorm or bedroom, hygiene, eating, classes, sleeping. Personal priorities might include hobbies, exercise, spending time with friends, calling home, or setting some alone time. My Current Priorities:

Keep room tidy

Take a shower before bed

Study during allotted times (Monday-Wednesday, 3hrs)

Read for at least 30 minutes a day

Ceramics on Thursday mornings

Get 8 hrs of sleep a night

So, my morning routine would look like waking up at my set time, and making my bed. I might go ahead and brush my teeth, style my hair, and make breakfast or lunch (depending on how hungry I am), before heading to ceramics if it happens to be a Thursday, or reading if not. Maybe I have work that morning and I'll get ready for that. At some point during this routine, you may want to look at your planner and figure out the rest of the day. What classes are you going to? What assignments are due? Do I have a space in between classes to study, complete assignments, eat, and decompress? A lot of this might already be planned out, and you might already have a great understanding of this routine. But if you get started in thinking about it, you might feel better prepared for the rest of the day, rather than forgetting that this club meeting is happening, you picked up a shift and need to head to work straight after class, the due date for this assignment got moved or this exam is in two weeks and I need to start studying today. Or whatever the case may be.

Night time routines, for me, are more about reflecting and decompressing. Once 11:59 hits and all of today's assignments are due, it's time to close the laptop and think about anything but. This is a good time to indulge in a relaxing hobby like crochet, reading, writing/journaling, or even simply watching an episode or two of your favorite show. It's a great time to wind down, perhaps take that shower if you're a night person, and slip into some comfy clothes. Maybe this is the time that you study some more, if you're a night owl, or maybe you're already asleep if you're an early bird. Personally, a shower is how I mainly decompress. It's where I reflect on my day while also taking care of myself. I'll blow-dry my hair if it's a wash day and head to bed. Sometimes I'll read, sometimes I'll watch a show, other days I'm too tired to think and will fall straight asleep. The big picture is to know yourself and routines that work best for you. If you get work done best at night, this is the time to be doing schoolwork and studying. Take mid-day to be your time to decompress and indulge in hobbies and other activities. Early-birds may prefer to get up early and indulge in these hobbies, studying, or anything else, and leave night time for whatever else. But also, learn to give yourself grace. You aren't going to die because you overslept one morning and missed half (or all) of your classes. Or because you got a late start to studying. Or because you spent a day or two not really doing anything. In my YouTube research of people who've made their academic comebacks, the baseline is that as long as they met their goals *most* of the time, they remained successful. Strict routines are not always going to fall into place. They make life boring, and keep you from being social sometimes, which is really important for your mental health, which is most important for your overall success. Sometimes, life even gets in the way and your gym time may be overrun by a friend's sports game or performance. Maybe someone's upset and you have to tend to that. Or, a dreaded exam is scheduled for the middle of the time you've scheduled for tuba practice. Maybe this means you can't go to the gym or practice that day. Or you'll have to leave social time for tomorrow. This is not the end of the world. You are still just as successful as you were yesterday when you checked everything off of your to-do list. The Bottom Line. Establish routines. Stick to them as best you can. Give yourself grace. You are human. Academic weapons are human. We are not robots. You. Will. Survive.

#academic recovery #academic comeback #academic validation #studyblr #study blog #study motivation #study community #university #student life #academics #student #studying #studying community

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flawless-peach · 6 months

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guide to happiness 🌷🥰

- understand what I'd making you unhappy. are you unsatisfied with your job? relationships? diets? look deep. is it your diet or is it the way food you eat makes you feel physically or emotionally? if it's you job or is it the field your in the schedule you have?

- find a way to organize your life. whether thats an online source like notion or a physical copy like a bullet journal. this will help you know when you are needed. maybe medical or hair appointment. I like to use mine for keeping track of chores and meal plans.

- drink plenty of water. water is just a great way for you to stay healthy. drinking water is listed because dehydration can cause depression-like symptoms, or at the very least, can cause discomfort to your body.

- eat a balanced diet. along the same lines as the water, think about your diet. sit with your body, reflect on how it feels. I find that when i have headache it's usually due to lack of proteins because that is a good i struggle to eat. it is important to not stress over the details of macros and what-not. eat what you want, but try to give your body the nutrients you need because you deserve a healthy body.

- make time for yourself. i can not say enough I how important I think it is to be alone with yourself. I think it can be so healing and relaxing. making time for yourself can be paired with multitasking, like while doing your skincare or reading a book.

- say positive affirmations. looking back at that first tip of identifying what makes you unhappy and finding affirmations that can target the areas in your life that you are not satisfied with. I like to repeat these as a way to go to sleep (like counting sheep almost) and when I'm able to in the mirror as well. that can be difficult for those who deal with dysmorphia or dysphoria, so don't push yourself too far if you aren't ready <3

- incorporate daily movement. this is so important for me, especially since I have a lot of joint issues. i begun doing daily yoga, which has helped with my knee pain, and my boyfriend does it with my occasionally for his back pain. my body is not yet in the state for higher intensity workouts, but I'm interested in eventually joining a pilates class (in my 3 year goals <3)

- journal. whether about your mental state or just what you did throughout the day. this is such a great way to just slow down and enjoy life. I find myself constantly rushing trying to get the most out of my day, so journalling at the end of the night helps me calm down and reflect on what I did throughout the day and appreciate myself for what I had done (even if it was just lounging because resting is good <3) but I also find this helpful when I am overwhelmed with emotions to stop mentally going in circle and slow done and understand myself and the situation.

- daily skincare routine. this is a great way to help yourself feel refreshed. as a morning person this helps me feel fresh and ready for the day and as part of my night routine, which I have to do early in the evening because i get vv sleepy and struggle to do it otherwise, helps me slow down for the night and prepare foe the next morning and it serves as a form of active meditation.

- set realistic goals. this can be difficult because we want to set goals that are parts of our dream lives, and that's not to say you can never get your dream life, but there's steps you have to take to get there, you can't just leap into it, so setting realistic goals can serve as motivation for getting there. but have these goals you are more likely to succeed.

- never give up. this goes back to the previous realistic goals, having these realistic goals it can help you stay motivated to not give up, but not giving up is still hard. your motivation can't be exclusively outside yourself. find something within yourself that can be your reason for staying on top of your goals, your reason for getting up when you don't want to.

- work hard. every day, you need to choose it, and that is exhausting, but working hard can include resting. giving up is only half of the equation you need to add hard work. I think the best equation for your dream life is (M(W+P)=dream life) M representing manifestation, W representing working hard and P representing perseverance <3

#aesthetic #clean girl #motivation #vanilla girl #routine #photo collection #food #that girl #peachy days #happiness

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thedo0zyslider · 2 months

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only the three of us - 1k words

The three have always been close their whole lives, even when one of them is missing. They know they will always have their other siblings shoulders to lean on.

Tw: implied fake character death, character death (off screen)

There's a noise coming from nearby, one that sounds familiar. But Jaykit ignores is, keeping his eyes firmly shut. He is still tired. He wants to get some more sleep. Plus, he's warm and comfortable. Getting up now would make him not warm and comfortable, and just more sleepy later. Unfortunately, the noise nearby as much different plans for him.

"Jaykit! Jaykit!"

Jaykit ignores the voice of his sister calling, and keeps his head right where it's at; buried in Ferncloud's flank. The gray queen had offered to watch them for Squrrielflight, knowing how much their mother hated being cooped up in the nursery. Squrrielflight had agreed gratefully, and after a while of playing the three kits had settled down for nap. They were still young, after all, no more than three moons, and still needed plenty of sleep to stay healthy.

Though it seems that two of them had woken up early, and now wanted to play again. Much to the thirds chargin.

"Jaykit! C'monnn Jaykit!" Lionkit's voice joins in with Hollykit's, and their brother knows trying to resume his nap is a futile effort. They will wake up Jaykit, in any way possible. He knows this from experience. They will wake him up and he will hate them for it.

"What is it?" He mumbles, lifting his head up slowly. Ferncloud does not stir next to them, her head still buried in her paws. Jaykit takes care not to wake her as he moves, and turns a grumpy little face towards his siblings.

"We wanna play warriors!" Lionkit says, his tail flicking excitedly behind him. Like playing warriors isn't all of their favorite game, the one that they play almost every day. His brother isn't even surprised that's what he was woken up for.

"Why do you need me for that!?" Jaykit is tired, and wants to go back to sleep. He had been resting so well, and having such nice dreams before his siblings woke him up. He almost feels too relaxed to move.

"We need an extra warrior! Duh!" Lionkit explains, like it's the most obvious awnser ever. He did that a lot, explaining things like they were obvious. It made Jaykit kinda want to smack him.

"We'll even let you be leader!" Hollykit speaks up again, her words carrying a promise. And well, they did always let him be leader when he wanted to be. Plus, Hollykit never broke her promises....

"Fine." Jaykit huffs, slowly getting to his paws. His siblings lets out whoops and squeaks of excitement, ushering him out if the den. But they're not too loud, of course. Ferncloud still needs her sleep!

They get into the camp's main clearing, and don't get too much playing warriors done. After Jaykit is named leader for their game, Hollykit and Lionkit argue over who should be deputy for like, ten minutes. And then Hollykit says she'll can be the medicine cat, because Lionkit wants to be the deputy and it's a better job anyways. Then Lionkit asks who would be the warrior is they're all so important to their pretend clan. Then Jaykit snaps, and says he's going back to bed with Ferncloud, right as Squirrelflight returns from camp.

No games, or much sleep, happened afterwards, as they were all too busy tackling their mother to care about games and naps anymore.

___________________________________

"Lionpaww get off mee!" Hollypaw says, squirming under her brothers weight. He'd tackled her during a playfight, and now wouldn’t let her up. "You big oaf!"

"Nope!" Her brother says, his tail swishing happily against the grass. He really has gotten heavy since they were kits, and grown into to his stupidly big paws. "You're stuck there forever!"

"Lionpaw!" She giggles, lightly batting at his chest with her paws. Though she knows the effort is a futile one. "I don't wanna be stuck here forver! I can't train with you ontop of me!"

"Sure you can!" Lionpaw laughs, licking his shoulder casually. Hollypaw scoffs at him playfully. She is not that easy to hold down, that Lionpaw doesn't have to worry and can groom himself while doing it! He's just big and made of nothing but muscle!

She laughs, and paws uselessly at her stupid oaf of a littermate once again. "And how would I-"

Hollypaw is cut off by the sound of their mentors calling for them, the two older cats padding into the training hollow. Well, more like Brackenfur kindly telling them to knock it off, and Ashfur scowling at them like the apprentices had personally stolen his favorite prey off the pile.

(Ashfur always looked like this. Hollypaw thought he was weird. Lionpaw just thought the gray tom was born like that, and wondered how he was Ferncloud's brother, of all cats.)

Finally, Lionpaw stopped tormenting his sister, and the two cats ram to join their mentors, excited for a day of training and learning new skills.

___________________________________

Hollyleaf settles down next to Jaypaw with a huff. "You're still upset about not having a full name, aren't you?" She asks, giving him a look. One she knows he can feel her giving, even if he can't look over and meet her gaze.

"No." Jaypaw lies, and Hollyleaf knows he's lying. He knows that his sister knows he is lying. He knows that she is looking at him, entirety unconvinced. This is not a winning battle for Jaypaw.

"You'll get it soon enough, just wait." Hollyleaf reassures him, placing a comforting tail on his flank. "Squrrielflight said it's normal for medicine cats to get their names later, and that she got her full name before Leafpool did."

"I know." Jaypaw says, and she knows he's not convinced by her words. But he agrees anyways. Arguing against Hollyleaf was a futile endeavor. She was always right, one way or another, a fact her brother's had quickly learned during their kithood.

But just because she's right, doesn't mean her brother still isn't upset.

Hollyleaf makes a comforting purr in the back of her throat, and leans against her brother. He lets her, just like he would let Lionblaze and Squrrielflight and Brambleclaw but barley anyone else. "I'm Leafpool will choose a very nice and meaningful name for you."

Jaypaw mutters quietly in agreement. He's still upset, but his sister's words had helped. They always did. "Yeah, probably."

___________________________________

Lionblaze keeps walking into the warriors den at night, expecting to see his sister laying amongst their clanmates. He keeps expecting to see her sleeping peacefully, in her nest that's slotted between him and Cinderheart's.

Everytime he does, Lionblaze stops and pauses in the entrance. Sometimes another warrior shrugs past him, muttering something about the golden warrior being in the way under their breath. But Lionblaze can't help it.

It was horrible, not seeing his sister there, where she was supposed to be. She had always been there, since the day they been warriors. And she had always been there, since their kithood and apprenticeships. But now she was gone, no longer sharing a nest with him, or sleeping right beside him, and Lionblaze didn't know what to do.

And then every morning, after sleeping without his sister, he woke up and had to train Dovepaw. The cat Starclan had sent to replace her. He had to see her and train her and act like it didn't make his stomach do backflips and his heart squeeze uncomfortably.

Lionblaze didn't know what to do about that, either.

___________________________________

It's strange to have you back." Jayfeather says, giving his sister's shoulder a quick lick. He's still mad at his sister, from leaving them to think she was dead, but that hardly mattered right now.

Jayfeather could always be mad later, when the three of them had made up for lost time. His sister was back, and she had a lot to catch up. Lots of new clanmates to meet and lots of events to be filled in on. So much had happened to the Clans in her absence...

But so much had happened to Hollyleaf, too. She was clearly a changed cat. The anger and betrayal she had felt before her disappearance was long gone, now replaced with other things. Grief, guilt, relief. Stuff like that....

(He wondered what had happened in those tunnels, to make her feelings change so much. Or maybe that was always going to happen, tunnels or no tunnels, as time passed...)

Jayfeather can be mad later. For now, he is just glad his sister is home.

Hollyleaf mews in agreement, leaning aganist her brother's side. Just like they used to do, before everything went wrong. "It's strange to be back."

___________________________________

"It's weird," Lionblaze muses, shifting in his nest for what has to be the millionth time already. "Not being in here to annoy you."

"You're doing that anyways." Jayfeather says, gathering the herbs with his paws. His big dumb brother had gone and gotten himself injured, again, and now he had to waist more herbs on him. Something Leafpool should scold him for being annoyed about, if she were in here, claiming that they had plenty of herbs.

Which they did, but that doesn’t mean Jayfeayher couldn't be annoyed anyways. Lionblaze was in here far too much, in his opinion. He had to adjust to his lack of powers eventually, which the tabby clearly is not trying to do right now. As evidence by the large scratch on his shoulder.

Lionblaze goes on about how he got the scratch, telling a story about the fox he had to chase off. It was from that fox family, the one they'd been having some trouble with before the Great Battle. Apparently, Lionblaze mauling one of its kin hadn't detered the animal, and it had returned to the territory once it thought all was safe. Jayfeather listens as much as he wants too, making the comfrey and dock leaves in pulps as he does.

"Yes, yes, you were such a brave warrior." He huffs, resisting the urge to smack his tail over his brother's mouth. "But stop moving so I can put the herbs on your shoulder!"

"Fine. Bossy." Lionblaze huffs, and finally stops fidgeting and sits still. "You're extra grumpy today." He notes, amber eyes flicking over his brother's irritated face.

"Well, I wouldn't be if you weren't the stupidest cat in camp!" He snaps, the last of the herbs being smeared across Lionblaze's golden fur. "You shouldn't be doing patrols with this shoulder, but I know you're not going to listen to my advice."

"Sorry." Lionblaze offers awkwardly, casting his gaze down towards the den floor. He sounds genuinely apologetic, a stark contrast to all the other times he'd been hurt. When he'd just jovially trotted out of the den and made his injuries worse...

Maybe, Jayfeather was starting to get through his littermates thick skull. Bit by bit....

"It's fine." Jayfeather sighs, still sounding hid normal level of irritated. He reaches down, and touches his nose to Lionblaze's forehead. "Just make sure I still have a sibling by tomorrow morning, okay?"

"Can do!" Lionblaze purred back, touching his own nose to Jayfeather's cheek. And, unlike the other times he'd promised to be safe, this one sounded sincere.

And hey, that was better than nothing. It was a start

#ron.fic #warrior cats #wc fanfic #warrior cats fanfic #hollyleaf #jayfeather #lionblaze

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andiinaraethtash · 10 months

Text

Rating:

General Audiences

Archive Warning:

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category:

Gen

Fandoms:

Batman - All Media Types

Batman: Death in the Family (Movie 2020)

Relationships:

Dick Grayson & Jason Todd

Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne (mentioned)

Characters:

Dick Grayson

Jason Todd

Bruce Wayne (Mentioned)

Alfred Pennyworth (mentioned) - Character

Additional Tags:

Fluff

Angst

Fluff and Angst

in that order

Bruce Wayne is Bad at Communicating

Dick Grayson is Nightwing

Jason Todd is Robin

look I heard a song and it gave me feelings so now I'm giving you all feelings

Song: Chasing the Sun (Sara Bareilles)

Language: English

Summary:

"You said, remember that life is Not meant to be wasted We can always be chasing the sun!" --Chasing the Sun, by Sara Bareilles Dick Grayson contemplates graveyards, cities, and the weight of living in a world above others

Notes:

For @itsybitsybatsyspider

So I've never published in this fandom before. So this is fun. Also I don't know if I've done an independent one-shot before. So that is also fun. Enjoy! PS also hi Itsy! This one's for you!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“My earth is somebody’s ceiling,” the song rang out, and Nightwing laughs as the Batmobile roars so loud it almost drowns out the music, which is already turned up obscenely loud. Next to him in the passenger seat, Robin shrieks, and Nightwing has to glance over to make sure he’s alright, because with Jay, it could go either way, but he’s grinning right now, so he’s probably enjoying himself.

That’s good. Dick doesn’t hang out with just him nearly enough, and when they do get to, he wants it to be a good time. After all, the rest of the time it’s the two of them and Bruce, which is never a good time. Quite the opposite, in fact. Just the thought of the man makes Dick’s blood boil, so of course he quickly forces those thoughts out of his mind, choosing to start belting along with Sara Bareilles.

“More than that, it’s to dare us to move!” he sings, purposely hitting the notes just ever-so-slightly off-key, making Jason swat him and shriek at him.

“Dickhead, you’re ruining it!”

“You said, that life is, not meant to be wasted!” He sings teasingly looking over at Jason, who rolls his eyes.

“My hearing’s being wasted, that’s what’s happening.” He’s nearly shouting to be heard over the music, but he’s not scowling.

Dick laughs long and loud as the chorus blares loudly for the last time, then as the music dies, he pauses it and pulls over, pulling out the McDonald’s bag as he pops the doors. “C’mon, Robin, let’s get some altitude!”

Robin rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t manage to hide the smile. In a matter of seconds, they’re on the roof of the high-rise apartment building, where Nightwing plops down on the edge of the roof and offers Robin his share of the fries they’d gotten before their little joyride.

As Robin joins him, kicking his feet in the empty air between the buildings, Dick sighs and relaxes, letting himself droop somewhat as he looks out over the city. They’d left early to beat Batman to the Batmobile, and with it being the middle of summer, sunset was absurdly late, a series of circumstances that left the skyscrapers’ silhouettes standing in sharp relief against the greying evening sky.

“Dude, this is freakin’ awesome!” Robin exclaims around a mouthful of fries, making Nightwing look over at him in amusement.

“‘Freakin?’ What happened to the kid who drops f-bombs every few words?”

Robin rolls his eyes. “I got made ta put five bucks in a actual swear jar, that’s what happened. Which is a stupid-ass rule, but whatever.”

He doesn’t say it, but there’s an unsaid, ‘it’s worth the food and shelter to go along with it,’ and Nightwing lets a small sympathetic smile play across his lips.

“Yeah. Can’t say I had one of those. Instead it was one dollar for every piece of furniture, art, or wall I damaged, and ten for the chandeliers.”

Robin smirks, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. “Wow, that’s what, a couple hundred thousand dollars?”

“Brat,” Nightwing says, swatting him upside the head.

“Am I wrong?”

Technically, no. It had only been a few hundred bucks, but… “Maybe not entirely,” he admits, and Robin laughs, the sound echoing across the city-scape. There was something about the way it bounced around that could have been eerie, but instead it was… comforting. Light-hearted. Care-free, the way Robin should be.

On an impulse, Nightwing shoves the rest of his fries into his mouth, waits a beat for Robin to finish his off, then grabs the boy’s arm and tugs him to his feet. “C’mon, race you to the Clocktower?”

Robin’s eyes seem to light up, even hidden by his mask, and Nightwing takes that as the answer it is.

“Go!” They shout almost at the same time as they take off across the rooftops, grappling across the larger gaps but throwing themselves across the smaller ones.

Nightwing is trying so hard not to laugh, his lungs too busy with the effort of running to waste his breath, but he wants to, by God does he want to. It was exhilarating, leaping through the maze of buildings, each different and unique and yet somehow so recognizably Gotham that he knew he would know each building individually as a part of his home city. There were apartment buildings from the eighties, office buildings from the last few years, stores and hotels and restaurants, all making up a bustling city that thrived despite the chaos.

Beneath his feet, he can almost imagine the lives of the ordinary civilians, thrumming along to hte rhythm of his heartbeat. It’s a heavy realization, to realize that they’re dancing over what the rest of the world would consider their ceiling, to know how much bigger and crazier their worlds are. But that weight is worth it, for the freedom to fly across the city like they are.

Tumbling across a gravel roof, he spots Robin somewhere to his left, vaulting over an air vent, and for the split second their eyes meet and Dick recognizes the look on Jason’s face. It’s the look of wonder he had when he landed his first trick on the trapeze in Haly’s. It’s the pride he’d taken in being able to do what so few others could. It’s the joy in being able to go out there and make a difference in others’ lives, in landing a punch, in outsmarting one of the ‘intellectual’ Rogues.

Yeah, okay. This kid was definitely a Robin.

There’s been a part of him, since he’d stumbled home to Wayne Manor to find another boy in his family’s colors, that had denied that Jason could—or should—have any part in that legacy, but right now, he didn’t know why he’d ever doubted it.

In the end, it doesn’t matter who reaches the Clocktower first, because the moment they get there, Jason looks up at Nightwing, grinning, and Nightwing grins right back reaching out to ruffle Jason’s hair.

“You did good, Robin.”

Live like we’re still alive

____________

From the ground beneath my feet…

He’s not quite sure why he’s here, other than that Alfred suggested it. The cemetery is quiet, but not silent. He can hear the light traffic from the nearest road, and of course the birds singing their overly cheery summer tunes. Even from here, he can almost hear the heartbeat of the city across the river, Gotham still alive despite the loss he’s only recently discovered.

The landscape is… nice, Dick supposes. He’s seen worse graveyards. Definitely destroyed creepier ones in fights against Scarecrow and Ivy. There’s not much tree cover, leaving the area sunny and vaguely warm, cooled mostly by the summer breeze.

He’s trying so hard not to look at the grave markers, the plinths and tombstones and occasional mausoleum, instead keeping his gaze fixed firmly on the city in the distance. It’s almost uncanny, how much the far-off buildings look like the stones surrounding him. They’re larger, obviously, but that tower looks like that plinth, and that tombstone is almost identical to that apartment building he can just make out—

The resemblance isn’t entirely inaccurate or superficial, he thinks. That this cemetery is a small city, its occupants as ignorant of the world above them as the people of the city are of Dick’s world at above them.

He’s walking through the paths between the markers, absentmindedly noting how each one is different and unique and so identifiable he’d know them anywhere, different in age and shape but united by what they represent.

His footsteps are heavy, a weight hanging on his shoulders as he walks to the area Alfred had shown him all those years ago. He knows intellectually, of course, that Bruce had insisted on burying Jason with Bruce’s parents, and the generations of Waynes that came before them, but that doesn’t stop the snag of irritation that Jason’s nowhere near his mom, or the city he’d protected.

Stuck between the dead and the living…

He’d swear every footfall is landing further into the ground, the familiar weight of grief pushing him down until finally he has to bow his head under the weight. He’s no stranger to grief, of course. He’s lost friends, teammates… family—but never someone so young and innocent and good. It’s anathema, almost, that Robin, brave, resilient, magic Robin is gone, but as Dick comes up on the newest tombstone, he knows he has to accept it.

Idly, he wonders if Jason’s at peace, if he’s happy wherever he is, if he could ever forgive Dick for leaving him alone with Bruce, stubborn, paranoid, doubting Bruce, who Dick knew wasn’t going to let Jason spread his wings when he needed to and yet had left him there anyway. Damn him for his unshakeable belief that Batman was good and infallible. There’s no way of knowing how things might have happened if Dick had stayed or if he’d taken Jason with him, but he wants to think he could have saved him.

The crunch of the grass under his heels as he crouches in front of the white marble rings out with his heartbeat like a symphony across the graveyard, and he almost sighs at the sound, a sound that means life, except he knows that the sound couldn’t reach below him to where Jason is now resting.

“Come on, Dickhead, don’t tell me your old-man joints are giving out on you,” he could almost hear Jason’s mocking, and shakes his head to clear it away when he almost reaches out to tussle Jason’s hair, only to stop when his fingers hit cold marble instead of a warm person.

Glancing over at the nearest tombstone, one shared by Bruce’s parents, he notes distantly how different and yet similar the dates on there are to the ones on Jason’s gravestone. Jason was born roughly a decade later, yes, but their lives were all cut too short, the dates too close together.

A deep breath fills his lungs, but catches on the way out as he tries to find words that say something, anything, about the boy who should have been his brother, if he’d just gotten his head out of his ass and had paid attention to the boy and the way he’d looked up to Dick.

So instead of trying to say anything about Jason, he just tells him one simple phrase, hoping it tells him exactly what Dick had never said to him in life.

“You did good, Jason. You did good.”

—Always be chasing the sun—

Notes:

Look, I was having feelings, okay, so any tears produced are entirely not my fault. Comments feed the soul, so let me know what you guys think--but please no criticism. I'm in a good mood for once, I really don't want that ruined. If you see a grammatical error, lemme know, but no hate. Here or anywhere, preferably.

#fanfiction #creative writing #writing #batfam #dick grayson #jason todd #pre- and post-Death in the Family #it'll make sense when you read it #brotherly bonding #brotherly feels #look I'm sad so now you're sad

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whentherewerebicycles · 2 years

Text

ruthie slowly realizing I have the front camera turned on 😂 this dog hates being photographed!

we were up for a bit at 5 but it was too early and I was sleeepy so ended up dozing for another hour or two. rainy morning here. I’m trying to really savor the cozy snuggly days as life is about to get so hectic for me:

I’m in pittsburgh friday morning through monday night (YAYYY) attending two weekend games and hanging out with bec!!!

I have tuesday to run errands and do laundry before my mom arrives wednesday

we leave early thursday morning for 14 days in japan and korea, during which we are hitting tokyo, osaka, kyoto, nara, mt koya, hiroshima, miyajima island, fukuoka, busan, daegu, and /seoul… I’m soooo psyched but also 🫠 it’s gonna be a whirlwind and I still have to do quite a bit of prep to be ready

we get home on a wed, I have thurs to recover from jetlag slash finalize my job talk, and then friday is the all-day campus visit

THEN I leave sat morning for houston and get back late monday night

it’s gonna be a lot!!! so very okay to be slothful this weekend and for as much of next week as I can manage I think. I am building up my reserves of rest and solitude lol.

mmkay. tonight I am having dinner + watching tár with mary later (and maybe seeing my sister at some point in the afternoon tbd) but the morning is my own! no pressure to get anything done in particular but here are some options:

could do more campus visit research for fun! my first gen programming book is arriving sometime today so I could read that and take notes, or I could spend some more time working through these articles I pulled up on designing programming for transfer students. I was also thinking it might be fun to create some one-page idea/vision/notes docs by hand on various topics—I feel like writing by hand will reinforce my memory of key details, and then making decisions about how I want to visually organize/arrange content will be a good exercise in synthesizing what I’ve learned. lol even as I’m typing this out I’m like ‘OOOOH that sounds like fun!!!!’ so I guess I’ll probably do that.

my former student is calling me at some point today to talk about transfer students’ experiences. he’s around my age (went back to undergrad after serving in the military for a long time) and is fun to talk to because he’s super smart and just like… more of a fully formed person and professional than the college-age kids. so that will be fun and should give me some useful threads to follow in my research.

pick up my CVS prescription

hmm maybe I’ll put my laundry in right now? I also want to change linens/towels. I cleaned most of the house yesterday so don’t have much else to do in the way of chores… and I have a bunch of leftovers to finish before I’m allowed to make anything else so no cooking to do today either.

if it clears up I’ll go for a shorter long walk (the hourlong loop?) unless it’s really nice and I feel like doing the 90+ min trek again. not gonna let myself run today though—I can tell I pushed it a bit yesterday with the long fast walk + running two days in a row at a quicker clip than usual. just a little bit of achiness!

I finished a novel yesterday and want to start the next one today so I don’t break stride, but that can wait till before bed unless I’m moved to read earlier.

mmkay I think that’s it! take it easy and do fun relaxing stuff today.

#i also have to decide if I am going to try to do an IUI next month if this one doesn’t work#the timing is going to be so tight #and the chance of missing the window and wasting another $450 is semi-high #i think I’ve decided if my period starts on 4/6 it’s cutting it too fine and I don’t want to risk wasting the money #but I’ll take the meds with me and if it starts on 4/7 I can try it if I want #I’m just not sure how jetlag/time changes will affect things #so it might not be the worst thing to take april off and remove that stressor #then resume in may #i can’t start thinking ahead ahout this job because I’ll be too crushed if I let myself envision the future & don’t end up getting it #but getting pregnant in may/june/July wouldn’t be the worst thing as it would get me closer to a spring/almost summer maternity leave #more time in the job to get established plus I’d come back during the summer (chill relaxed time) instead of mid semester #idk we’ll see #I’m in a really good headspace re: IUI at the moment #not calendar watching except to plan future cycles not reading forums and don’t feel a lot of pressure to make This One work #i get 6 tries!#and then I was listening to a podcast the other day and feeling really moved/called again by the idea of fostering #so I think things are going to be just fine however it all shakes out #and if nothing else the IUI process has really gotten me into excellent routines around fitness and food

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blorbologist · 2 years

Note

26 and 37

26. You must swap one nat 1 die roll with one nat 20 die roll. They must both be from the main campaigns, but can be cross-campaign. Which are they, and why?

Ooooof, how dare you make me have to do research for this? :vvv

See, I'm torn between making them both of similar magnitude or pulling a cheap shot and taking a nat 20 that didn't matter much to swap for a nat 1 that did matter.

Okay, let's take two important ones and make them both WORSE, because I'm a bastard

For the 1 -> 20, hmmm let's say Caleb trying to persuade Essek to pretty please let him invite mages that want to kill them both onto this expedition. Gives Liam his bisexual maelstrom early, and it would so badly fuck with their dynamics. Would Caleb backshift into bad coping mechanisms? Would Essek call him out? Would Trent or Astrid or Wulf try to kill either of them? What the fuck! Just about one of the few times I think a high roll would actually be worse for everyone involved. Another that came to mind was Kaylie's initial confrontation with Scanlan. (A good one to turn into a 20 would be the Sunken Tomb 'Sam immediately jokes it's instant death and SIKE IT IS', because it would change SO MUCH of the campaign.)

For the 20 -> 1 :) well since you got me in an angsty mood :) True Love's Nat 20 made into True Love's Nat 1. Even if the roll had succeeded over-all thanks to the other contributions, I can't see Percy coming back if he didn't hear Vex specifically. We'd have Molly in Campaign 1. Vex might do something reckless and Briarwoods-esque to bring him back (winks loudly at Nova). Completely derail everything. (Of course, there's any number of villain Nat 20s turning into Nat 1s would likely be huge net positives, but I don't feel like researching any more than I already have :V)

37. You have to take a 16 hour road trip with one NPC from each campaign (all at once, ie, three other people). The NPCs cannot shorten the road trip in any way and the road trip must be via driving but you can do it in two 8 hour days and share a motel room if you'd like. Who do you pick?

... I read this as PC at first FUCK ME. Including the two I'd written for PCs + why I didnt pick my fav under the cut as a lil bonus.

a) Essek. Okay, hear me out: yes he is a war criminal, but he's also dealt with trying to get grant money and as someone procrastinating on two deadlines rn? mood. I'd poke his brain for hours about blasphemous magic if I could. Also, soup is cheap for when we're done for the day and an easy meal. I think he'd either be a perfectionist backseat driver or a panicky one and either way the research talk is worth it to me ok. I'll survive.

b) Vesper - never said specials were excluded, and she IS in her 30s by this point in the timeline! We have no clue about her personality, but I think, given her family, she's likely very smart and good conversation. Has money to throw at any problems we run into. Also allows me to get De Blorbo lore without wanting to throttle her dad. If she doesn't count because she's a Baby in the oneshot she's in, I guess Cass? Look I adore her but I worry she's never driven a day in her life + trauma + is a noble would make her a pain in the ass to be stuck in a car with, BUT I love her enough I'd take it in stride For Her.

c) Imahara Joe. Look! He's a vibe! If anything goes wrong he can fix it! He can keep conversation going! I have huge Mythbusters nostalgia!

a) Caleb! I think we could talk about our respective cats for hours, or I'd hope we could, and talk magic-science, and Keen Mind would make keeping rest stops/the time/maps/etc. in mind a breeze. And if he isn't up to talk he would just! be quiet! and read a book! which is good for my stress brain! And if both of us are overstimmed that's a 50% vote on getting people to turn the music fucking down so we can relax.

b) Fjord, actually? He's captn' Tusktooth, he knows how to organize a voyage and what goes into sharing cramped quarters with other people for hours on end and how to keep distracted and not kill eachother. Plus, Star Razor is a convenient flashlight if ever. His music selection would also likely be fun to sing as a whole car together - shanties or good roadtrip songs.

c) oufff this one's hard.

(I'm Not saying Percy because so help me I'd want to throttle him within the hour. Beau would bully me I think. Both are also so hot and my favs I think I'd die and be incapable of driving. Laudna would also make Noises with her Existing and I think I'd lose my marbles, sorry babe :c)

#ask game #campaign 1 #campaign 2 #critical role

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moody-alcoholic · 10 days

Text

These Violent Delights

Chapter 5 - Once Upon A Playground Rainy

Summary: Poly 141 x fem!reader, a/b/o alternate universe. 6.6k words. Omega's trying to be helpful for better and for worse.

CW: a/b/o alternative universe, a/b/o dynamics, typical a/b/o universe tropes (claiming, heats), Gaslighting, medical procedures, bullying, angst.

Previous - masterlist - next AO3

Enjoy <3

You make it to the lab just after 6. The barracks were quiet when you left but the base is busy with activity. You feel like you’re breaking some kind of rule sneaking around. You don’t need to sneak, Dr. Piper knows about this. The lab is quiet too, there is only Dr. Miller sat in his usual spot at the desk. He has goggles on as he looks at something in a jar.

“Hey, glad you remembered, I was worried you weren't going to show.” He smiles at you looking up from whatever he’s working on.

“I want to help them, I won't forget,” you say walking over to him. He takes his goggles off and pushes back from the table. You stop at the bottom of the steps.

“Come on, we need to go to the medical room,” he says walking over to you. You both make your way up to the room which has a keycode on it now. He knows the code, Dr. Piper must trust him. You automatically sit up on the exam bed when you go in.

“Is Dr. Piper coming?” you ask as you watch him clean his hands.

“I told her she could sit this one out, she needs all the rest she can get.” He smiles at you as he drys his hands off. Well that’s true. She’s always working so late you barely get to see her.

“So what are we doing?” you ask. His scent is strong in the air now and you try not to let it go to your head.

“I need to take some blood, and I have something for you to take,” he says, taking things out of the cupboard.

“What is it?” you ask watching him organize everything.

“The drug? The same you had last time,” he says looking at you confused.

“Last time?” you ask, you remember him giving you 2 injections.

“Yeah, do you not remember?” he says, coming over to you with the tray of supplies. You try to think back, but you can’t remember. You remember the conversion about when he left the bunker.

“Do you normally have trouble remembering things?” he asks. You shake your head, why can’t you remember ?

“Good, we wouldn’t want to give Dr. Montgomery more to worry about, would we.”

“No,” you say, rolling your sleeve up so he can take some blood. When he’s done he comes back over with a syringe. You’re too scared to ask what it is now. You should remember, you’re sure he told you.

“It’s for the hormone blocker right?” you ask, pulling the rest of your sleeve up.

“There you go, you’re not losing the plot.” He smiles, you smile back. It’s for Simon, it’s the hormone blocker of course.

“So are you ready for your heat?” he asks as he finishes up.

“I guess so, I still have a few weeks. Do you think the blocker will be ready by then?” you ask, pulling your sleeve down.

“I hope so. I’m working as hard as I can. You doing this is a big help,” he says, throwing everything in the trash. You hop off the bed.

“Wait, you should lay down for a bit, 15 minutes. Wouldn’t want you passing out on the way back to the barracks would we?” You shake your head getting back up on the bed. He comes round and raises the back for you so you can lean back a bit.

“Why would I pass out? I didn’t last time,” you say.

“No but it’s better to be safe than sorry. I wouldn't want you getting hurt,” he says, you sigh, relaxing back. It’s the first time you’ve been up this early in days and with the sleepless nights, it’s not long before you’re starting to doze off. The room is warm and the exam table is surprisingly comfy.

You don’t remember falling asleep, but you’re woken by the room door opening.

“How are you feeling?” Dr. Miller asks. You blink away the sleep in your eyes. You move off the bed.

“Fine, tired.” He smiles and you follow him out of the room.

“Take it easy, okay, we don’t need to give Dr. Montgomery or Captain Price anything to worry about, okay?” You nod blindly at him as you leave. You’re so tired, you want to get back into bed. The walk back over to the barracks is nice. The morning sun lights up the dew-covered grass, and there’s a low fog making the forest look like something out of a picture book. You let the smell of pine fill your nose before you walk back into the barracks.

“Hey, where have you been so early?” Johnny asks from the table, you look up at the clock it’s already almost 7. You didn’t think anyone would be up this early. Shit , you don’t know what to say.

“Dr. Piper. I needed to see her about something,” you lie. You take another step towards the kitchen. There’s no way he can tell you’re lying. You blow out the nerves.

Dr. Piper comes into the kitchen. You freeze watching as Johnny looks at her then back at you, confused. She goes over to the kettle while you’re just standing there trying to decide what to do.

“Dr. Piper, I need to talk to you,” you say quickly, before Johnny can get a word in. She turns with a mug in her hand, and she frowns at you.

“Okay.” She puts the mug down and starts to head back to her room. You quickly follow after her.

“I thought you were at the lab,” you say loud enough for Johnny to hear.

“You were at the lab? Is everything okay?” she asks as you walk into her room. She closes the door behind you.

“Yeah, just the sleeping pills. I think they’re a good idea,” you say.

“Okay, I’ll get that sorted,” she says. You sigh. “Are you sure there isn’t anything else?”

“No, I’m just tired,” you say. You want to get out of the room now.

“We still need to talk with Captain Price about your heat.” You feel yourself blushing, you’re embarrassed all of a sudden.

“We kissed,” you blurt out. “Me and John.”

Dr. Piper looks a little shocked.

“How do you feel about that?” she asks.

“I don’t know, it was nice, I trust him.” You look at her as she takes a step towards you.

“I mean we’re going to have sex in a few weeks, I feel like a kiss is nothing really.”

“That’s true but heats are very different from something romantic like a kiss,” she says. Romantic?

“I like John,” you say.

“That’s good, and he’s a good alpha. It’s okay to feel all these new emotions. This heat will be very different from the past ones. It’s good that we’re talking, and you know my door is always open,” she says, resting her hand on your shoulder.

You nod, smiling at her. She’s right, this time it will be different. You’re going to be getting claimed for one, not to mention you’ll actually be with someone you trust. It’s different now that you’re in a pack. A device beeps on Dr. Piper's waist. She drops her hand looking at it.

“Crap, I have to go. I’ll sort out the meeting with John okay?” she says as you walk out the room. You nod at her and she smiles, rushing down the corridor. Johnny steps round the corner with a bowl in his hand and a spoon in his mouth. He gives you a look. You’re not quite sure what it means, so you go into your room, closing the door behind you. You don’t need anyone to worry. You just need to be a good omega.

A week goes by and Dr. Piper still hasn’t set up the meeting. She’s been busy: new scientists show up—normal people, not people who worked for the professor. They don’t look at you as weird as the regular soldiers. They look at you more in awe, like you’re something to be studied.

Your visits with Dr. Miller have been going well. He keeps you up to date on the progress, and how it’s going. He thinks he's perfected the hormone blocker but the true test will come during your heat. You’ve been tired, the early mornings mixed with the restless nights have been hitting you hard.

You haven’t seen much of John or Simon, but Johnny and Kyle have been around and you’ve been eating lunch or dinner with them which is nice. Not so many people stare and talk when you’re with them. You really want to spend some time with John and maybe go for a walk again.

It surprises you when John asks if you could help with a training exercise. You don’t mind, in fact you were more than happy to help. You’ve not really seen them in action apart from when they rescued you. You weren't really paying attention to what was going on then, just hoping you made the right choice to trust them.

“Okay, here’s what’s going to happen,” John says, getting everyone’s attention. You’re standing next to him and everyone else is lined up with their backs to what looks like an empty abandoned building. Everyone is dressed head to toe in gear with massive weapons swung over their shoulders. The sight of them makes the hairs stand up on the back of your neck.

“So now that we have these heightened senses, we need to train them. Dr. Montgomery suggested this. Since omegas give off the strongest scent, she’s going to hide somewhere in the building and it’ll be your job to find her and bring her out without using your eyes.” John picks up a bag by his feet throwing strips of black cloth to them all.

“We’re playing hide and seek with blindfolds?” Johnny asks as he catches one.

“Yes, and the quicker you find her the less drills we have to do. You’ve all felt the heightened sensations, your sight, hearing, smell. That’s a benefit of the formula. It’s the main reason Professor Hale was trying to perfect it, so that the US could have an army of ‘super soldiers,’” John explains.

“So we’re super soldiers now?” Johnny asks, tying the black strip round his forehead.

“The only thing super about you is how much you can run that mouth of yours MacTavish,” Simon says. You smile as you watch him secure his blindfold on his forehead.

John turns to you, placing his hand on your shoulder. “Okay, so you’re going to hide anywhere you want inside the building. Make it as hard as you want, just don’t get yourself hurt.” You nod.

“What about you, are you going to be looking for me too?” He shakes his head

“Actually alphas are the worst at detecting scent so maybe you would need more training,” you say looking at John. You feel yourself blushing as you hear Johnny chuckle.

“Someone needs to watch to make sure you’re not cheating.” Kyle nudges Johnny, who starts to protest and you see John shake his head.

“Go on then, go hide. We'll give you a few minutes,” John says to you, nodding towards the building. You smile at him and walk past them all into the entrance of the building. There's rubble everywhere and before you’ve really even made it in you're tripping over stones. You go upstairs walking down one of the empty halls looking in each room seeing if there’s anything you could hide behind or inside of. John did say make it hard, but you’re not sure what that means for 3 trained soldiers.

You can hear them talking outside. You know for sure they can hear you moving around no matter how hard you try to avoid making noise. You come to the end of the long building. There is another staircase down but you want to stay upstairs. You duck into one of the rooms that has boards on the top half of the door. There’s a desk in the room. Better than nothing.

You sit down. This is fun, and you’re helping them. You hear John tell them they can go and you feel nervous all of a sudden. Your adrenaline spikes at the thought of you being hunted. You keep still, but you project your scent. You want to help them a little bit. You can hear them downstairs, talking and moving around.

“So we’re like sniffer dogs?” Johnny asks. You hear Simon sigh. They’re under you now, you think. Maybe they’re confused. You stop projecting your scent.

“What dog would you be if you could be a dog?” Johnny asks. The thought of Johnny as a dog makes you giggle.

“Shush!” They stop. You slap your hand over your mouth realizing what you’ve done. You can’t help but smile though. You hear them moving a little quicker now. It sounds like they’re heading to the staircase at the end of the hall. It takes them a while to get up the steps. You contemplate moving but decide to stay. If you so much as move the stones around you, they’ll be able to hear it.

When you can see their shadows in the hallway you hold your breath. You’re not sure why. Even an alpha would be able to smell you this close. They’re quiet on their feet, sure of their movements even with the blindfolds. You see Simon first. You can only see the bottom half of his body as he turns to face the room, his hands feeling the boards.

“Duck into this room on the right,” Simon says. Shit, it’s over, they’ve found you. Simon walks over to you and you stand up putting your arm out to stop him before he walks into you. He pulls the blindfold off and you smile at him.

“Found her,” Simon says as Johnny and Kyle stumble in pulling their blindfolds up. You walk out with them and Johnny wraps his arm around your shoulders. You feel like if you'd let him he would have carried you out of the building like some trophy they’ve just won. When you get back out John seems happy, nodding and smiling before asking everyone to do it again. You try to pick a harder spot but the place is pretty barren. You start just trying to avoid them, moving from room to room when they get close to you.

One of the runs you accidentally bump into Kyle when they split up. They’re too good at this, always finding you within at least 10 minutes which makes John happy. You’re not sure how long you’ve been doing this for but it must be midday at least. The sun is high in the sky and it's unusually warm. Johnny has his arm around you again as you walk out the building. You look up at the sky when you leave, you're bringing your hand up to block the sun when everything goes fuzzy. You’re overcome with dizziness and then everything goes black.

“Hey, can you hear us lass?” That’s Johnny’s voice. You open your eyes. The sun is bright in the sky. Johnny is leaning over you, his hands shaking your shoulders. You feel sick and lightheaded. You should have eaten something this morning. You hear more voices around you as you start to sit up, what happened? The last thing you remember was stepping out of the building.

“Don’t move, let's wait for the doctor to come.” Johnny pushes your shoulder back down. Your fingers are tingling as your senses start to come back. All you can smell is beta in the air, it’s calming. You look around seeing John come over to you. His alpha is strong, overwhelming the beta in the air. Now you really don’t want to be laid on the floor.

“I’m fine,” you say, trying to sit up again. You don’t want to be a bother. You remember what Dr. Miller told you. Dr. Piper and John are always so busy. They don’t have time for you to be forgetting to eat.

“You’re not fine, stay there.” John’s voice is commanding. It makes hairs stand up on the back of your neck. He’s worried. Johnny lets you sit up supporting your shoulders. You watch as Simon walks back over to John and you can see Kyle walking over with Dr. Piper. You don’t need her—you’re fine, you just pushed yourself too much and skipped breakfast. Dr. Piper kneels down putting a bag on the floor next to you.

“I’m fine,” you repeat. She sighs, opening the bag and taking out the blood pressure cuff. You stare at her. You’ve been through this a million times before.

“How do you feel? You’re not allowed to say fine,” she asks as she swabs your forehead with a thermometer.

“Lightheaded,” you admit, “but it’s going away.”

“Blood pressure is low. When was the last time you ate?” she asks. You look up at John.

“I had breakfast,” you lie.

“Yeah? We’re going to check that theory,” she says, reaching out for your hand. You sigh, letting her prick your finger. She puts it in the machine as you wait for the reading.

“Low blood pressure, oh look at that! Low blood sugar,” she says, standing up and putting everything away. You look up at John. His arms are crossed, and you can’t tell if he looks angry or worried. You’ve been a bad omega. You should have eaten breakfast.

“You know you can’t be doing this so close to your heat. You need to eat 3 meals a day,” she says, helping you up to your feet. You nod, keeping your eyes on John. He’s disappointed at least.

“Simon’s going to take you back to the barracks,” John says. You look over at Simon. You can never tell what he’s thinking, especially with the mask. You don’t want to go with Simon, but you don’t want to upset John more than you already have. You nod following him as he walks away. You feel sick. You shouldn’t have been projecting your scent so much. If you had given them a challenge then you wouldn’t be as tired. You walk in silence back to the barracks. You feel like a kid that’s done something wrong. When you get through the door he pulls out one of the chairs from the table.

“Sit,” he says, going into the kitchen. You watch as Simon waits for the kettle to boil. You’re nervous, and you don’t know why.

“Milk and sugar?” he asks, looking over at you. You nod. It feels like the most he’s ever spoken to you. You watch as he makes tea. You think this is the most you’ve ever seen him do, too. He comes over placing a mug down. You smile, pulling it into your hands, warming them as he sits next to you. You swallow the nerves away. His alpha is strong in the air for a second before it completely evaporates. You’re not sure what to say to him. You don’t know if he will start the conversation or not.

“Do you like the book?” he asks, nodding at the copy of Alice in Wonderland next to you.

“Dr. Piper gave it to me. I used to read a lot in the bunker,” you say. “Have you read it? It’s about this girl called Alice, she falls down a rabbit hole. I like the cat. I like all the animals actually.” You look up at him.

“I’ve read it before. Drink your tea,” he says. You look down at the cup. You didn’t really think he was the type of person to read. You sip the tea, it’s almost too sweet for you but you don’t want to complain.

“What kind of books did you have in the bunker?” he asks.

“Just story books. Have you read Charlotte's Web?” you ask.

He shakes his head. “I know there’s a film though.”

You almost spit your tea out.

“There’s a film?”

“Yeah. There’s an Alice in Wonderland film too,” he says. You smile.

“Do you think we could watch them?” you ask, looking over at the TV.

“Yeah, maybe,” he says. You take another sip of the tea.

“Do you have a family back in the UK?” Maybe now is better than ever to get some information out of him. Get to know him better.

“Yeah.”

“Do you miss them?” you ask. You’re trying to read his eyes at least, since he does such a good job at protecting his scent. He’s almost as good as a trained beta. He’s one of those people who’s just a natural at it.

“Every day.” There’s sadness in the air now. He turns away from you, upset. You sip your tea again.

“How old were you when Professor Hale took you away?” You’re surprised by the question.

“I don’t know, 13, I think. My memories before that time, they’re not really there.” You don’t know how to word it. All you could remember from before was your mother and now you’ve learned that was just a memory planted in your head.

“What do you remember?” he asks, looking back at you.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe anymore.” You shrug.

“It must have been hard, being alone.”

“I’m used to it. I was never really alone. Dr. Piper was always around, or the Professor,” you say, watching his eyes, trying to see if there’s any change. You take in a deep breath but all you can smell is the tea.

“Do you have any siblings?” you ask. There’s the smell of sadness again. It’s overwhelming. You feel like you can see a change in his eyes, or maybe you’re looking too hard.

“Why do you care?” he asks, his voice a little harsher than he meant it to be.

“Sorry, I’m just trying to get to know you.” You sigh looking into your tea. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he doesn’t want to get to know you.

“Did you ever go to school?” he asks. You look up at him. He seems more relaxed now. You try to think back, you don’t remember much about school or anything before the bunker.

“All I remember is what I learned from the bunker. Dr. Piper would teach me things. I don’t remember ever going to school.” You almost laugh at the question. “What about you? Did you go to school?”

“Yeah. Whenever it rains I think of school,” he says.

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“I like the rain.” You smile, sipping the tea. You look out the window. It’s bright out. For once, the skies are clear. You hear his chair scraping as he gets up. You see him disappear around the corner down the hallway, and you hear a door open. He comes back around to the table placing a book down.

“Catch-22?”

“It might not be your style, but if you’re bored of Alice in Wonderland, it might be a good change.”

“What is it about?”

“The war. Like I said, you might not like it.” He shrugs as he sits back down.

“Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you.” You smile at him. You wish you could see what he was thinking.

“Could get you more if you wanted?”

“Yeah, that would be nice. You don’t have to, though, I know you’re busy. You and John have other things to worry about.”

“Price likes you, I'm sure he’d sort something out,” he says.

“Do you like me?” you ask. He doesn’t say anything, and his eyes don't tell you what he’s thinking. You can’t help but feel like he doesn’t want to answer.

The door to the building opens and you turn to see John walk in. You don’t know why that makes you blush.

“Soap and Gaz are in the pit. Go.” Simon gets up. Your eyes follow him as leaves. John comes to sit next to you.

“So why have you been skipping meals?” he asks. You look down at your empty mug.

“I don’t know, I guess I haven’t been paying attention. Sorry.”

“You need to take better care of yourself.” He sighs. You look up at him nodding.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay, but from now on someone will be coming with you for meals. Lunch and dinner,” he says. You sigh, slouching down in the chair. It’s okay. You don’t really mind. You’ve missed having someone around for lunch. You nod at him.

“I don’t think Simon likes me,” you say, gripping the book.

“Simon’s a tough nut to crack. Don’t take it personally.” You nod. You wish he would like you.

“You would let us know if anything is wrong right? If you don’t want to talk to any of us, you can always talk to Dr. Montgomery,” he says.

“I know I'm sorry, I’ll do better,” you say. He smiles.

“Come on, let's get an early lunch then you can take a nap. You probably need it.” He gets up and you smile following after him.

Another week goes by. There’s more training with everyone, the same as before with them having to find you blindfolded. They’re getting better and you don’t even need to project your scent any more. John says maybe he’ll look at going somewhere outside the base for drills. Better practice, as you can get more distance from them. Regardless, it sounds like fun. You’re sitting in the lab. It's the weekend so most of the scientists go home. It’s just Dr. Miller and Dr. Piper. Although Dr. Piper is out, it's just you.

“How have you been feeling this week? No more incidents?” he asks. You shake your head.

“How many of these are left?” you ask as you roll your sleeve up.

“A few more, then we can move on to stage 2,” he says. You frown, for some reason it hurts this time.

“Stage 2?”

“You haven’t been listening have you?” he says frowning as you pull your sleeve back down.

“Sorry, I know I’ve been tired lately, thanks to the early mornings. It’s hard to sleep at night.” You jump off the stool, looking towards Dr. Piper's office. You wish you could take the sleeping pills, but they make you feel sick.

“You should start going to bed earlier. Try herbal tea.” You nod at him. Maybe that’s a good idea.

“Stage 2, that will come when you’re in heat. When do you think that will be?” he asks. You count in your head.

“Next week, maybe the week after. It doesn’t really work on a timer,” you say.

“You worried about John’s rut? Alphas can get aggressive,” he says. You feel yourself blushing.

“No, I trust John,” you say, pulling your jacket on. It’s not like you can do anything.

“Well, if you need anything you know where to find me,” he says, turning back to his work. You nod walking out of the lab back to the barracks. It looks like it might rain. You like the rain, the idea of curling up in your nest with a book while you listen to the rain sounds like the best idea right now. When you make it to the barracks you bump into Johnny.

“Lunch?” he asks. You nod, looking at the time. It’s almost 1 o’clock. His arm wraps around your shoulders.

“What have you been doing today?” he asks.

“Nothing really,” you say. There hasn’t been any training today, you’ve been stuck inside all day.

“I have a story to tell you about Gaz slapping a drill sergeant's ass,” he says. You chuckle. “See he thought it was Si’s ass, until the guy turned around.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t you who did that?” You laugh as you walk into the mess hall.

“Why, what did you hear?” You smile, picking up a tray.

“Sounds like something you’d do, not Kyle.”

“You don’t know what I'm capable of.” He nudges you. You fill your plate up with food and two puddings, it’s chocolate again. You both make your way over to an empty table. There’s a few people around but not as many as usual. You keep making small talk with Johnny. If there is something Johnny is always good at, it’s filling dead air. You never feel alone when he’s around. Halfway through eating a new group of soldiers comes through and for some reason they make you nervous, taking seats at a table behind Johnny.

“Is that her?”

You feel sick. The pit in your stomach isn’t going away. You can hear them laughing, you know Johnny can hear them too he sits up in his seat.

“Is this why you’ve been skipping meals?” He asks, you shake your head pushing the food around your plate. You don’t want to eat anymore, not even the pudding. You feel embarrassed. You wish you could just curl up in a ball and vanish.

“Would you?”

“What risk discharge for her?”

“No, she needs bigger tits.”

“Bigger ass too.”

Laughter follows. You really try to ignore it, digging your nails into your palm. It's almost like you can only hear that table now, the group of 5. What if you’re not good enough? What if John thinks these things? If there was another omega would he pick her? You don’t remember standing up or running past them, you just feel the cool outside air hit your face.

You don’t wait for Johnny, just rush over to the barracks. Your head is pounding as you burst through the door rushing straight over to John’s office. You’re ignoring everything around you, tears streaming down your face as you knock on his door. You barely even hear him say come in before you open the door. John looks over his desk at you, as soon as he sees you he gets out his chair.

“What's wrong? Where’s Johnny?” he asks, putting his hands on your shoulders trying to look you in your eyes. You can't talk, you're too worked up, you're just sobbing in front of him. This isn’t helping, he probably thinks you're being so stupid. You hear people talking behind you as John squeezes your shoulders. His alpha is strong in the air. You're making him upset. You’re being a bad omega.

“What happened?” John asks someone behind you.

“Some rookies in the mess saying some not nice things.” It’s Johnny. John sighs, pulling you onto his chest wrapping his arms around you.

“Take Gaz, get me names,” he says. You don't hear Johnny reply but you hear the door close.

“Come sit,” he says, guiding you over to the sofa. You sit down as he reaches over to his desk pulling out some tissues.

“I’m sorry.” You sniffle taking the tissue.

“No need to be sorry. What did they say?” he asks, his scent still strong in the air. You turn to look at him trying to compose yourself. Don’t be a problem.

“Nothing, just stupid stuff,” you say, wiping your nose.

“Come on, let's go for a walk,” he says, offering his hand. You nod, brushing the tears away and taking his hand. He walks you back out the base to the dirt path just like last time. As soon as the base is outside of earshot you let out a long breath and breathe in the forest air. It smells of pine and damp wood. Now that you know there’s a lake here your ears are hypertuned to pick up the sounds of the lapping water. John's hand comes to the small of your back.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around much,” he says.

“It’s okay, I know you’re busy,” you reply.

“You’ve been doing a great job helping out with all the training,” he says. You smile.

“It’s been fun.” You’re not sure what to say. You don’t want to think about training right now, you don’t want to think about the work with Dr. Miller. You like spending time alone with John. You lean against him, his scent filling your nose as you walk around to the lake. You smile, closing your eyes letting the breeze wash over you. You’ve calmed down now, the whole thing just felt like you’ve blown it out of proportion. John moves behind you wrapping his arms around you, his hands resting on your hips. Pulling you up against him, you can feel his breathing as you lean back. His scent is calming, it complements the smells of nature.

“Do you want to talk?” he asks after a few minutes. You let out a breath. Your eyes are still stinging from the crying.

“If there was another omega, a better omega, would you rather be with her than me?” you ask him.

“What? No, why would you even think that?”

“I don’t know. I’m not exactly the perfect omega,” you say, digging your shoe in the dirt.

He turns you in his arms so you’re face to face. “All I want is for you to be safe and happy. To do that we need to communicate,” he says. His eyes are kind. You don’t want to lie to him, but you want to upset him even less. You breathe in his scent letting it calm you.

“I am happy,” you say. One of his hands comes to your chin, forcing you to look up at him. He hums, looking around your face. You smile up at him. He leans down and kisses you. You close your eyes, sinking into the kiss, letting his tongue press against yours. You don’t know if you’re getting any better at kissing or not, but he doesn’t complain. His hands running down your body pulling you closer to him. He pulls away, one of his hands brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

“You’re so beautiful, my beautiful perfect omega.” His thumb brushes your cheek. You smile at the praise, it makes you feel all warm inside. It’s high praise from your alpha, you can tell he means it. It makes you project your scent more for him. You can’t help it, the sweet smell of strawberries cutting through the smells of nature. He smiles back at you as his nostrils flare, breathing you in.

“Can I ask you something?” you ask, nerves welling up inside you, your mouth feeling suddenly dry. He nods.

“I want to have sex with you before my heat.” You feel yourself blushing. He smiles at you, kissing your forehead.

"Are you sure?” he asks. You look up in his eyes, his beautiful kind eyes. You nod.

“Okay then, we can figure something out.” You press your face into his chest wrapping your arms around him.

“Are you worried about your heat?” he asks. You pull your head out his chest so you can look at him.

“I’m not worried. I know this time will be different, but I trust you.” You smile at him. You’ve never had someone you trust with you during your heats. You know people have been involved, and you’re lucky you remember so little. It’s not that you don’t remember it. It’s suppressed memories, or at least that’s what Dr. Piper calls them. It’s the nightmares that get you the most, reminding you were just a plaything for the Professor.

“Are you nervous?” you ask.

“No,” he says. It’s what you needed to hear. You’re not worried, he’s not worried. He’s your alpha and he’ll take care of you. You step up on your toes and kiss him. His arms pull you closer to him. There’s a cold breeze that makes the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. You can feel the first drops of rain. You don’t care, you want to stay in this forest forever with John.

“C’mon we should get back before it rains,” he says, breaking away from the kiss.

“I like the rain,” you say, keeping your arms wrapped around him. He chuckles, prying your arms off him. You move to the side of him gripping his waist.

“John, what made you agree to claim me?” you ask as you make it back to the dirt road.

“There's a connection I can’t explain. I know you and Dr. Montgomery say it's just biology but I think there's something more.”

“Really?”

“If it was just chemicals then it would be more like a need, something my body is missing. It doesn’t explain other feelings like, love or—”

“Love?” You stop your fingers gripping his waist. You look up at him, confused. Love?

“Love, patience, caring.” He turns to look at you, his thumb brushing your cheek.

“How do you know it’s love and not just chemicals?” you ask. You don’t know what love feels like or what it smells like. You try to smell the air but you just smell nature, pine, damp wood and hints of wild herbs in the air. You can smell John’s scent too but nothing new. You don’t even know if you can feel love.

“Love is something you feel, it’s this feeling of wanting to care for someone, maybe more than you want to care for yourself. I think it’s more than just chemicals.” He pulls you closer to him and you keep walking.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt that before,” you admit. You think about Dr. Piper, and the Professor. The only two people who have been constants in your life, always there for good and for bad. Love for you is just something you’ve read about in books. People do stupid things for the people they love. You look up at John, his arm wrapped around your waist. He’s a good alpha, you want to believe it's more than just chemicals, more than just the biological need to find and mate with an omega.

You wish you knew what love feels like so you would know too, if it was more than chemicals. You walk back in silence. You like spending time with John, you like feeling his hands on you, his touch, his kisses. Maybe it is love. You shake the thought away as you walk up to the barracks. When you walk into the building you see Kate, you almost don’t recognise her with her back turned but as soon as the door opens she’s looking at you both.

“Where have you been!” she snaps. She doesn’t sound angry, just worried.

“Kate? I thought you were supposed to be in Langley?” he says, his arm dropping from your back. She looks over at you then at John. You see Kyle and Johnny stood behind her, they look worried too. Their scent is thick in the air and it's making you nervous.

“It’s Shepard, he’s on his way here. He knows about the omega and he wants to take her.” She says. You’re holding your breath.

“What? Take her where?” John asks.

“Back to Professor Hale.”

Next Dividers by Plum98 & gild-ui My rock rememberwren <3

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1ndonlyhawa · 4 months

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Summer Glow Up Guide

Summer vacations have started for most people, meaning it's the perfect time to start working on yourself, adopt new habits and improve your health. You guys asked me for a glow-up guide, so here we go! <3

Eating healthier, let's be real; we all know that the first step to a healthy glow is a healthy diet. Try adding some smoothies, proteins (like yogurt, chicken, tofu...), and healthy fats (avocados, nuts...) to your meals.

Skincare. Now is the perfect time to try some new products! My favorite brands are The Ordinary, La Roche Posay, Pixi, Lancome, and Neutrogena.

Meditation, 5-10 minutes in the morning, is enough; it helps you to focus, calm down and be mindful. You can find guided meditation videos on youtube.

New Hairstyle, get a new haircut, and try some new styles! (inspo on my Pinterest)

Journaling, I started journaling not too long ago and love it! It helps me plan my day and get things out of my mind.

Haircare, get a trim, and say bye to your split ends! you can also try some new products; I personally like Lush and Olaplex. (let me know if you want a long hair guide <3)

Practise your make-up skills! Something that helped me improve was practising right before I shower, so I can just wash it off!

Deep cleaning rooms, vacuum, clean your windows, empty your trash, and so on...

Get a manicure, I'm personally a long acrylics type of girl, but even if that's not your thing, a simple manicure makes a HUGE difference. Clean nails are a must!!

Drinking more, I probably don't have to tell you that, lol.

Self-tan contour, not having to wear make-up is such a flex so let's just fake that make-up-less beauty by contouring with self-tanner ;)

New outfits that fit, it's time to get some new stuff that makes you feel beautiful and confident!

Exercising and getting toned feels awesome! try some youtube workouts; my favourites are from Daisy Keech, she's so sweet <3

New jewellery, get some cute signature pieces; you can also look for some unique pieces while on vacation and keep them as memories.

Fresh Instagram feed, go and take some pictures! You can look for inspiration on my Pinterest; I have a board called 'Pictures to recreate' that might be helpful!

Find a signature scent; this is something fun you can do with your friends! Go to Sephora and just try perfumes until you find one that fits you.

Sleep schedule, even though it's tempting to stay up late, now is the perfect time to fix your sleep schedule.

Go out every day, go for a walk, listen to a podcast, take some pictures, you know it...

Read more; it really calms your mind and helps you relax.

Facemasks, I do face masks at least twice a week

Be nicer

Down below I also listed some 'Challenge Days' that you can try when you don't have anything planned and don't want to waste your day!

•┈••✦ Self-care-day ✦••┈•

meditate + exercise

bubble bath

exfoliate

shave (if you like)

hair care

skincare (morning + evening)

try the self-tan contour

get your nails done

lotion

healthy meals

don't skip breakfast (My favourite meal!)

read Something

call a friend

go on a walk + listen to music or a podcast

track your water intake

go to sleep early

•┈••✦ Deep clean day ✦••┈•

throw away everything that doesn't fit you anymore

throw away old makeup (IT CAN EXPIRE)

change your bed sheets

vacuumed the floor

clean your windows

clean every surface

empty your trash

re-organize your closet

do your laundry

clean all your shoes

delete all the apps you don't use

clean your camera roll

get a carpet cleaner and clean your carpets

wash all your pillowcases

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timeoverload · 6 months

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I had a great day. :) I am happy to be home. I didn't think I was going to have a good day when I woke up because I had nightmares last night again. My dream was very realistic. In my dream I was at work and I went to my locker to change my clothes at the start of my shift. I opened it and my stuff wasn't in there. There was a picture of me in there with some random girl that I have never met. For some reason I didn't think it was a big deal and I didn't try to look for my stuff. I just got changed and went upstairs anyway. I felt like everything was so tall and I couldn't reach anything in my department. It was much louder than usual and I couldn't understand what anyone was saying. I got trapped in decontam somehow and I couldn't turn the light on but I had a little candle. I thought that was ridiculous because you can't have candles anywhere in the hospital. I woke up when I was trying to use the light switch. It was a very unsettling dream and I did not want to get out of bed after that.

When I got to work, I was surprised to see a notice on the OR board from the eye coordinators stating that the surgical techs have to set up for each doctor on their own now in order to help me out. It was very tedious to set up pans for 8 different doctors because they all have different preferences. They don't all work on the same day luckily but it can be a lot to keep track of by myself while trying to clean the instruments properly. Now I don't have to look at the schedule constantly and I just have to worry about organizing the instruments in the bottom of the pan. I am keeping them in a specific order to make it easier for them to grab things more quickly. I finally typed up a new count sheet because the last one was 4 years old and there was a lot scribbled on there so it was hard to read. I was able to move more quickly and not get behind which was amazing. One of the techs was complaining to me about how the process has changed. I had to put my foot down and I reminded her that we have been doing things wrong for 20 years and I couldn't let that continue to happen because it was gross and it bothered me. I'm glad that nothing bad happened during that time. She used to work in sterile processing so she should know that it wasn't right but when I explained she understood. It's important to do what's right for the patient. I have made a lot of changes since I took over but it was all necessary and I'm glad that the director has helped me do that.

I was also happy because my boss came to tell me that I could have Wednesday and Thursday off. I wish I wouldn't have been anxious about that all weekend but at least I don't have to worry about it anymore. She did seem annoyed about it so maybe I will refrain from trying to take any time off for a while. I'm not trying to inconvenience anyone.

They had pizza for lunch and it was actually good so I enjoyed that. I also went down there late enough to avoid unwanted company on my break. The afternoon went well too and my cases got done at 5 so I got out of there right on time.

I just need to make it through tomorrow and then I will have 5 days off so I'm really looking forward to that. I don't really have anything planned other than my tattoo appointment on Wednesday and I'm pretty sure I have a follow-up appointment with the spine specialist on Friday. Hopefully I can find something else fun to do.

I think I need to relax now because I'm sore and tired. I don't want to go to bed early but I probably will anyway. I stayed up too late last night. I hope that tomorrow is a good day and that I have better dreams tonight.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too!!! :) 💖💖💖

#personal

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pirefyrelight · 7 months

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Rant about work today below cut

so today was fun (<- lying so hard you can see the sarcasm) I first came in to work at 2 because that's my usual shift and I just didn't check the schedule beyond whether I work or not a few days ago. Turns out I was supposed to be in at 4 to close and the way the sous chef informed me of this kinda soured my mood right out the gate. He didn't call me an idiot for not checking my schedule outright, but I could hear it in his voice.

Whatever, I'll brush it off. There's a coffeeshop with good breakfast sandwiches like two blocks away I'll hang out there for a few hours.

Well turns out they close at 3 in the winter and I didn't know they weren't open until 4. So even though I left immediately and the employee was nice and polite about it, I felt like the asshole customer who was trying to stay after closing. So just another bad emotion to throw in the mix.

So I headed back and sat in the back hallway of work on my phone off the clock since sous was already mad I was here early (for some reason- it's a busy week it's not like I'd be standing around and if I'm already here anyway who gives a shit)

And of course being at work and trying to relax is not compatible. People are talking and coworkers I don't vibe with are hanging out and getting on my nerves for just existing so I put both earbuds in to drown it all out as I scroll tumblr and that mostly works until-

I get the distinct impression that the last thing that was said was to me. I look up and it's the head chef looking at me. I take my music out and ask him to say again. He tells me "you know you can clock in and get to work right"

It was still like 15 minutes to 4. I was planning on clocking in 5 minutes to. Because the aforementioned sous being mad at me for being early. I didn't feel like explaining that and I already don't like chef and didnt want him to think i was arguing so I just agreed that yes I can get to work and did. It still grated on me and getting contradictory orders that make me feel like I can never do anything right is pretty high on my pet peeve list so even though I pushed it down it really set me off inside.

So you know. Before the apron's on I'm pissed.

Did I mention I was off work yesterday? I was off work yesterday. You know what having a day off work does to my station, my lovely neat and organized station that I do everything in my power to keep that way so I can survive my fucking job?

It makes it look like a hurricanes been through there.

If bottles aren't greasy or missing, door handles are sticky, dessert cooler is packed with mess that should be in the offline cooler, plate stacks are missing, and of course I should note we are running both a featured salad and dessert that I would consider me not having space for therefore making an extra layer of clutter I can't actually get rid of.

Oh did I mention we technically open at 3? I have to deal with tickets as I organize all this shit, and mentally I can't look at the probably poorly marked preplist before counters and line coolers have some semblance of organisation.

Theres an adage the previous chef would say, "messy station messy mind," and he was so right.

If only there was a solution. If only I had more time to get set up and get certain sauces and dressings at room temp where they can actually come out the bottle. If only there was some magical way to preserve my sanity and actually get my job done smoothly. But I guess some things are just meant to stay in the realm of impossibility.

And of course because I wasn't working yesterday and the opening was chaos, I didn't notice we were already on the backups that were panned up for beets and arugula for the featured salad. Everything is prepped, but I need it brought to station.

I tell my second as she's pulling the empty pan, "hey can you get four more of these flat bottomed [6th] pans and both types of beets please?" I even pointed at the pan. I meant for her to bring them up and I actually pan them up so I can make sure they're labeled and filled to the top and the backups are wrapped properly and everything but she takes awhile to do that (and she's not the kind to talk to every single person on her way to and back from the cooler like another second on my station) so she's probably panning them on prepline and that's fine, ok?

I didn't Specifically say to bring empty pans up to let me do it, and she's trying to do her job I'm not mad ok. As long as it gets done. Despite what the rest of this post tells you I am not so much of a control freak I cannot recognize that.

Heres the thing. She didn't pan up backups. She did one pan of each type of beet, and one was in a round bottom pan. (This matters slightly in the fact that 1. Flat bottoms hold more volume and 2. They're more stable standing upright on flat surfaces, like on a makeshift cooler made out of a hotel pan over ice that I don't know is entirely health code complient but that's not important here)

Point is it wouldn't Really matter if I didn't specifically tell her to get flat pans and I know there's flat pans back there. It also wouldn't Really matter if I didn't tell her to get 4. What did she think the other two were for? I asked here where the backups were and she was confused so I explained I wanted two of each, and she went to get those.

Do more at one time and you have to do it less often. I don't know how this is so hard to explain or understand. If there were backups already in the line cooler this wouldn't be any issue at all but here we are.

So I finished my wave of tickets and got the arugula myself. Did I mention the distant whistling the whole time? There was distant whistling throughout this entire encounter. Do I need to explain why that didn't help anything at all?

And then there's the servers who just expect me to be able to read their minds instead of what they actually type onto the tickets. "Birthday" ≠ "birthday plate" (birthday desserts get discounted, and some anniversary or birthday people get a big plate denoting the celebration written in chocolate at the top. Idk if this special treatment costs extra or what) and you would think one of the servers that have been working here longer than I have would know that by now.

I want it to be noted that mistakes are understandable but still, having to replate something in the middle of a rush because of a server's mistake has never improved my mood even once. Did the time you save by not typing those 5 letters surpass the time taken by me redoing it for you?

Im so tired. I know I'm bossy and controlling, but I do make a very conscious effort to understand that each thing here isn't something to be mad about. Everyone makes mistakes, and my standards for organization are matched by very few people. I do try so very hard to let all non essential things go, but holy fucking shit it adds up so quickly.

But you know what? There's upside at the end of all this.

I get to go immediately to bed and do it all again tomorrow.

#pire.txt #Venting about work tag #I tried to make it coherent #I very specifically checked my schedule and I'm in at 2 and not closing for the next two days #And I was the one to mark the preplist today for tomorrow so I know it was done right #god I'm so tired physically and emotionally #Remember when I was the only one trained for that station?#I was soloing a two person station all summer and I was tired but it was being done right?#Yeah #Fuck I need out #I think I need to try and get screened again for mental issues #There's no way this is just the autism not with how big the emotional response is #Either that or get back into therapy. Or both.#I get a major discount for behavioral health it's definitely easier now than when my parents tried sending me to one after my diagnosis #And the only major identifiable problems were I couldn't do my homework to save my life and also the other kids hated me #There's definitely more specifics to talk about and explore now.#I just need to fucking get on that horse I guess #I'm not doing shit now tho I need to go to bed

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