#i just want to pay my loans | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

toxooz · 2 years ago

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replaying rdr2 (mainly to just stay in ch2 shhh) and my Arthur infection has flared up again 🥺 there may b long haired Artar fanart in the future cause that look is growin on me

#arthur morgan #i played more of the epilogue but ugHHHHH its just domestic house building loan paying stuff so im Struggling to get thru it #i kno it gets good but i rlly just wanted to be My Babygirl again 😞#my first time playing im i Immediately tried to make him look like rams u se but now im just so content with arthurs default ou #tfit im tOO FAR GONE im love him smmmm #rdr2 #fanart #red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #digital art #cowboy #western #my art

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leviiackrman · 4 months ago

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I am fighting for my life to be mentally stable and it’s not working

#personal*#jess talks #trigger warning cus I’m feeling really low and might vent #but genuinely I want to give up #I don’t want to exist #I feel like a burden and a scrounger #I realised yesterday that everything I have is because of someone else #I haven’t earnt anything for myself or done anything with my life #I complain that I can’t support myself #yet I make no effort to fix that #im scared of my insecurity to do anything #I’m scared I’m not good enough #I’m scared to exist in my own home #it doesn’t feel like my home #I haven’t felt ‘at home’ since before uni #I’ve moved house 6 times in the past 7 years #I never feel secure or safe #and I feel responsible #I wish I could just go get a good paying job and support myself and my family #all I want is my independence back like I had at uni #but even at uni I was living off of a loan I’ll never be able to pay off #my whole existence is a waste #I’m contemplating giving up on my art and business because it’s getting me no where #I might as well give up entirely #I can’t see any positive resolutions in sight and I feel so helpless #but all I’m doing is feeling sorry for myself #my parents are sm worse off than I am currently yet I’m the one having panic attacks and terrified to leave my room??#I’m gonna be 26 still living with my parents achieving nothing for myself #with no relationship experience and not an inclining of self respect #grow up Jess

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mcnuggyy · 24 days ago

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I’m so so thankful my mom was able to get like 90k off of me and my siblings student loans due to her rare disease but like man, 30k still feels like so much right now 😭 I know other people are close to 200k on their own loans but ough, how are we all surviving right now this feels insane I am so sorry everpony let’s all go explode the loans companies (in fortnite)

#sometimes I just remember my student loans and want to cry #I’m so sorry everyone #I know I shouldn’t be complaining #At least we’re all in this together awoooo #hopefully I’ll at least be able to finish paying off my first one by 2027 smile :)

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cw-ianthe · 2 months ago

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cw for discussing salary and budgeting

i'm supposed to be getting a job offer later this month to transfer into the company I've been working for this past year. and i know i'm getting the offer and it'll probably be decent since i'm in tech at a big corporate bank, but this will set the baseline for my salary and growth potential for the next couple years and I'm nervous. i got debts to pay off, you know? plus i have a male friend who got in last year with fewer credentials than i do and he's told me how much he makes, and i have another male friend whose level of expertise is similar to mine who should get his offer this week, and seeing how my offer compares to theirs is going to set the standard for my opinion on this company going forward.

idk I'm just yelling my anxieties into the void thanks for listening <3

#yasha at work #the joys of being afab in tech #I've been calculating budgets and scenarios in my head #in any case i should be able to start paying off my loans in earnest #plus I've been living on a. fairly tight budget? don't get me wrong I'm lucky and privileged and I don't need roommates which is fantastic #but every euro has a purpose. and depending on this offer i should gain 300-700 after taxes a month and if i keep an eye on lifestyle creep #i can give myself a little more leeway #i still have like 25k in loans to pay off #cw money #more rambling now: i have calculated three scenarios. lowest possible pay according to the CLA; pipe dream pay and middle of the road pay.#if i aim to put 500 a month into my loans‚ then in the worst case scenario nothing changes from now except i save slightly less #in scenario 2 and 3 i get to go back to vocal training. and in 3 i get more little luxuries and i save more money.#and all of these would be fine i just want to know which it'll be!!!#with me hopefully getting on t in the next 4 to 6 months i want to do vocal training so so so badly i am so scared of not being able to sin #SING lmao

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the-gay-prometheus · 4 months ago

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#i wish it was possible to die in a way that didnt just continue to make you a burden to those around you #like. if i could just die and know that everyone who knew me would feel nothing about it and wouldn't have to worry about shit like #paying off my student loans or paying for the funeral or whatever. that would be great.#it's like #i'm nothing but a burden and a chore if i live #but then i'm nothing but a burden and a chore if i die #why can't there be a way out that just. doesn't cause any damage to anyone or anything else.#like yeah maybe there are good reasons to live but #the financial and emotional burden of my existence outweighs my desire to keep going #statistically by the numbers i would absolutely be better off dead and should've died a long time ago #but then i'm still a financial and emotional burden if i die anyways. so. the problem remains.#the world never wanted me but here i am anyways. i wish i never revived when my heart stopped while i was being born.#my life continues to amount to nothing positive.#just an accumulation of trauma and grief and debt for myself and for everyone with the misfortune of knowing me.#just give me a way out. please.#i'm tired of being trapped here.#vent #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent #tw sui talk

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bunnihearted · 5 months ago

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#im in such a bad and low mood :<#it's not just my period hormones 🥴#my wireless headphones worked fine all of yesterday and today when i wake up they're blinking #they're liked fucked up... i turn them off but they constantly turn themselves back on. when i connect them to my ipad they constantly #keep disconnecting and shutting off and turning on 🙃 it makes me so angry bc i need to wear them basically all the time #bc all the noise from neighbors and my family and outside is driving me crazy #but they just dont work anymore?? plus i cant afford new ones... esp now which brings me to my next point #bc of my mom having troubles w school and loans and work etc she was like yeah u guys might have to pay for me this summer so we'll be #proper poor 😄 she doesnt WANT that either but it just sucks bc i got $300 every month and i can barely afford anything as is #yeah so there is no chance of me buying new headphones until at least august or september ......#then im annoyed bc my sisters are passive aggressive 24/7 and hate my existence and my mom is depressed lol #and i have no one to talk to or be with. it's summer and i wanna do stuff but i just dont wanna do it alone lmao #and then im just sad bc of many things.....#also i hate myself bc im a loser failure piece of shit but like yeah that's normal for me to feel #i just hate everything and it's so hard to endure this lame ass existence skskskskks #why cant ANYTHING be good ever in my life??#i am garbage and im surrounded by bad things lmao... anyways can i just stop breathing now pls #and it's not just a 'tiny' thing like my headphones not working like it might seem to others #but when u live a life where NOTHING is good or NOTHING works everything just piles on #ppl dont seem to understand that normally bc most ppl have some good things in their lives #so they just cannot comprehend what it's like when nothing works on any level in your life lok #ofc im depressed ofc im angry and bitter and dejected. i have no good things or moments at all in my life. that tears u down #i mean ofc i could be living in an active warzone and that'd be .. pretty awful i can imagine. but yeah... my situation is still not ideal #like i mean i do actually try to practice gratitude of having a roof over my head my own room water in the pipes and food so i dont starve #i am thankful for that bc many ppl dont even have that #i still feel depressed tho <3 #idk what im talking abt now i just feel SO bad and i have no one to talk to #i have nothing to do... no help no treatment... everyone hates me and wants me dead......#why should i fight when no one cares abt me anyway... well.. i mean i do wanna experience more nature but like idk #im just so exhausted... why cant i ever have smth good in my life that also dont go away after a short while lol

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bluesidedown · 9 months ago

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I just want to fly to Tibet and not think about character growth or the future or navigating relationships

#im so tired. and like I'll survive it but then i have to continue on and survive the next thing too.#right now im thinking about my next year and just. the rest of february and march sound just barely manageable #april and the start of may will be pretty good probably #the summer idk probably fine #but then. finishing my second degree. working. paying off loans. looking for a job i actually might sustainably want.#i cant. imagine having to do all of that.#i feel like i do so much complaining on here lately im so sorry #irl i feel like i cant complain to anyone cuz objectively im getting to do one of the coolest things imaginable #and like. im really thankful and whatever and thats what i have to project to my irl people. its just also incrediblyy hard and exhausting.#whatever its after midnight and while i feel like this a little bit most of the time sleep will help. it will all feel slightly better #in the morning

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jtownraindancer · 9 months ago

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someone stop me i keep finding cute apartments in philly

#they're all near public transport. they're pet friendly. they're all in walking distance of food and groceries????? :I #also they're like... if i pay off a couple more of my loans even if i only make what i'm making now they're in budget??? easily????#and i woulnd't need a roommate????#i mean it doesn't matter atm i still need to save up for all the other fees and such + i want to get my license first but like????#this could be a real thing in a couple years?????#finally?????#i still want to move back to london but for now i'll stick to being (mostly) local #shut up ace #also most of these have gym/pool access which just makes me even more O.O #reminds me of the apartment katie had down in louisiana & ngl i'm so fucking game #one of them is even right across the road from a park so extra win~

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butterflygemini · 16 days ago

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bruh idek what i'm supposed to do at this point. like the only way i could physically make enough money to pay all of my bills including making a payment of $250 on my credit card (which would have me making payments for the next four years btw), my student loans, and my current rent, and be able to reasonably afford to eat i'd have to make like $2500 after tax, so basically 21/hr. i have no fucking clue how to make that much money

#i'm really hoping the extra sales/repair money from this current job is worth it #but it did piss me off that the manager is talking about cutting my hours back to 32 from 39 after my training is over #i'm gonna talk to him and tell him i was not signed on for part-time i was hired to do full time work #but even then just the baseline pay after taxes and health insurance is just barely enough for me to reasonably live and that's WITHOUT pay #paying my rent bc my parents are paying it for me rn :/#and its like its not just one bill it's like all of my main shit is so expensive #i can't get my car insruance down my car payment is 330 a month #and i cant get out of paying my student loans unless i want to tank my credit #i just feel so fucking stuck rn #i wouldnt even care about having ot have my nose to the grindstone if i could look forward to saving money to do fun things in the future b #but i'm literally so fucking far from that reality it's not even funny #literally the only reason i havent gone crazy and am still doing things every now and again is bc i've put myself in debt 😭

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r2y9s-notartblog · 7 months ago

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evening/night boop! (how are you doing?)

morning boop! (i've lost track of the time whoops!)

I'm doing well! have a cat butt!

#replies #uygfiug #not my cat but he is when i'm there lmaoooo #my friend's cat his name is Witcher! he's very cuddly!#the more allergic to cats you are the more he wants to cuddle with you!#to the chagrin of the friend of said friend who often comes by for video games with us #i uh. may have impulsively submitted an application to a communitiy college.#i haven't taken college classes in 8 years haha #but i was like ok i have a BS in art but what if i got an AS in forensic science huh #wouldn't that be cool #i'm just out here about to start collecting degrees orz #also can i even pay for it? even if it's part time?#financial aid save me #fuck if i'm gonna apply for another damn loan after i just paid my last one off #ANYWAYS got into a new video game and it's eating at my brain but at least i've got some great art inspo coming in #i never stay in a fandom for long which is why i never publish any of my fics bc i'm in a new fandom before i can even finish the fic lmaooo #i hope you're doing well! i think ur classes started up again?#gl and take care of yourself!#take breaks and eat and all that u know how it is

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goldengodcannibal · 28 days ago

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Man, I hate living in debt.

#1k a month alone in debts to pay off #student loans being the worst brunt #literally the entire reason why i cannot move out and likely won't be able to for God knows how long #how many times do i address this depressing cycle? too many #i just want my own space my own life #that's it #personal

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girlscience · 6 months ago

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screaming crying blowing up

#went to two viewings today the one I was reallllly really hoping would be good was uhhhhh #well. the previous tenants got evicted and the whole place REEKED of urine #they said they would be replacing the carpet but there was no way that would fix the smell #and I don't want to live somewhere that smells like piss and missy would pee Everywhere if we did #the second place could work but it is a studio so I would have to leave stuff in my parents basement #which I could do but with the rent and electric and internet I would be paying something like $850 a month #which leaves me like $150 from my TA stipend #I have savings and my parents said I could take out a zero interest loan from them #but I am very leary of that #it's also 20 minutes away from school which again. I could do but gas #I just don't know what to DO #my parents are talking about buying a place I could rent from them still #but like if we are doing that we need to get on it Now #the first place I viewed is still up.... I could spray really well for spiders and give it a super deep clean #and maybe I could move the fridge so the oven opens #I could just do a one year lease and keep an eye out for other openings #I just don't really want to live somewhere dirty and right next to a bunch of bars #but it was cheap and right across from school #I am just so fucking stressed

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reflectionsofgalaxies · 2 months ago

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tomorrow is my first day of classes as I go back to school for the first time in eight years and my family has picked today to blow up at each other and drag me into it

#VERY long story short #after my Papa died my dad buying the house out from my mom became a real possibility again #so all of us slowed down on the house sale stuff #and that included me shifting my focus from packing and looking for a place to getting ready to start school #but as of about two and a half hours ago my father is again freaking the fuck out #and saying we need to have the house ready to go on the market in seven fucking days #bc my mom has asked for a downpayment which he says he can’t afford #(when I asked him how much she was asking for he said he didn’t know. so it’s less ‘can’t’ and more ‘doesn’t want to’ but whatever)#anyway I asked him to ask bc if it comes down to it I would prefer to loan my dad the money for the downpayment #bc in exchange I get stability while I go back to school and the money I lose in interest would just be going to increased rent anyway #so now I get a text from my mother saying ‘do not give your father money for the downpayment’#and I’ve been trying so hard to be supportive of them both without it seeming like I’m ‘taking sides’#but I kind of snapped and said ‘I love you but don’t tell me what to do. I’m not doing this to ‘bail dad out’’#‘I’m doing this bc it’s the best option for me right now.’#and now she’s not responding to me #I fucking hate this #she needs the money. I need a stable place to live. let me loan him the money so YOU have the money mom!#I know you’re worried he won’t pay me back bc he’s proven to be less than honest with his finances in the past but also.#I’m his only kid. not to be macabre but I’ll be getting it back eventually one way or another unless he somehow writes me out of his will.#just fuckin. I’m supposed to be reading through my syllabuses and figuring out bullshit websites for school rn.#I don’t want to be dealing with family drama and impending homelessness rn pls chill #personal

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arcane-vagabond · 1 year ago

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#y'all my anxiety has me spiraling as of late because it just feels like my whole life is falling apart at this point #i got fired from my job a couple of months ago and i've been scrambling to try and find a new one #i work part time at a store i really love but it pays shit #and i've had all of these interviews and no one wants to hire me and i just feel unhireable at this point and it's hard not to despair #and on top of that i'm struggling with my self esteem again #i know i'm not ugly per se but i'm struggling with feeling confident in the way i look as a big girl #and all of my old insecurities are rearing their ugly heads and i want to cry just thinking about it #and i feel like such a failure right now even though i know that life has its ups and downs but my stupid brain just won't chill #and i don't really have any friends in the area because they all either moved away or didn't live here to begin with #and i'm tired of living at home because of my stupid student loans and not being able to afford to live on my own #i have one person i hang out with and we just met and i don't want to scare them off because they're a great friend and person #and i just feel like i'm never going to meet anybody who's going to love me the way i want to be loved because of my looks #also because it's me. and i feel like i'm so flawed as a person that no one will ever fall in love with me #and i've just been feeling really alone lately and i'm trying to do things to make me feel better but it's just so HARD right now #and i love writing because it gives me a chance to explore some of my feelings and it's something i genuinely love to do #and i'm sitting here waiting for the day things start to get better. and i know we all joke and i'm gonna sounds so dumb for saying this #but i feel like i was meant to be famous? or do something great idk and it's something everyone has always told me #and idk if my feelings of inadequacy are because of that or what but i'm scared that my life is going to mean nothing in the end #anyway this was a lot and you can pretend like you didn't read it. i just wanted to write some of my feelings down

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bunnihearted · 8 months ago

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🤧🐀🌧️🌊

#need to clear my head;#im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn #trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come #nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired #i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out.#like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u #also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my #eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm #bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna #be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk #idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not #sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow #nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just #dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to ://#i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool.#then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway..#im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀#im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks.#but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol #im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired #i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do #anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can

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mostlikelyshutup · 3 months ago

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all i want is a nice little house with space for an office and a nice kitchen, maybe a good backyard if we're getting frisky, but noooo the private equity firms had to buy all the good houses to build apartment buildings with astronomical rent prices and drive prices up to levels no one can actually afford as a first time homebuyer with a single income

#im gonna have to save for like 10 years to get even an okay down payment #while also paying off my loans at the same time #i just want to own a house thats close enough to a city that i dont have to leanr to drive #k mumbles #we're not even getting INTO the fact that my certifications for my JOB are state specific #and so i can either buy in massachusetts #aka i think the most expensive state in the country #or have to go through an entire long ass process to change my license and shit #ughhhhh #mad at rich people again :(

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