#i just want to hear a version with seriously angry and hurt emotion behind it

[friend-through-teenage-nights]

I think someone should do a punk/metal cover of One More Minute by Weird Al.

[tamelee]

Helloo tamelee! 💚 Are you doing good? I hope you do

There’s one thing that I think is unfair is that Sakura fans entirely blame Sai for "guilt-tripping and gaslighting her" in Kage Summit Arc, to explain why she lied to Naruto and tried to kill Sasuke. But Sai says himself he doesn’t understand the situation. Also, even Shizune, who isn’t particularly close to Naruto, managed to understand that Naruto doesn’t care about the promise in itself… It seems they’re blaming Sai so they don’t have to acknowledge that Sakura doesn’t make effort to understand Naruto

Hi Nonee! 🧡 I’m doing alright, thank you ^^ Hope you are good also!

“It seems they’re blaming Sai so they don’t have to acknowledge that Sakura doesn’t make effort to understand Naruto”

Well, you said it yourself. I would add something though; 

“It seems they’re blaming Sai so they don’t have to acknowledge that Sakura doesn’t make effort to understand Naruto AND Sasuke.”

Lmao, Sai doesn’t even have the emotional nor social intelligence to intentionally guilt-trip and gaslight anyone even if he wanted to. All he has as ammunition is a fake smile to fool someone (which often fails) and questionable advice from self-help books. He was forced to learn to not feel or empathize while growing up, hence his behavior causing friction with others and him being on a journey to start over, being allowed to observe and learn. And with that, make mistakes in these observations also, which is alright. (I’ll talk about him in another post.)

Blaming Sai for Sakura’s actions sounds even more funny now xD 

Is it also his fault that she lies to her ‘comrades’? Did Sai lie to everyone or did Sakura? Did he tell her to knock them (including himself LOL) out even if they were only trying to help her and then left them to get killed in the middle of the road where enemies walk around? Is it Sai's fault that she never cared to understand the real Sasuke and talks over him or cuts him off for selfish reasons and make it about herself when he did try to say something even before she knew Sai? Did Sai force her to dip her kunai in useless poison she prepared by herself for this self-proclaimed mission to kill Sasuke? Did Sai also tell Sakura to lie to Sasuke and abandon everyone so she could feel a little less irrelevant and have her last hope being to hold onto this ideal version of him and follow him around? So that, what?She could change his mind even though she already acknowledged she couldn't and that she was different from Naruto? To mock his or Naruto's loneliness again? Did Sai tell her it was a good idea to sneak up on him after deeming Sasuke’s reasons for doing what he does not worthy or important enough to hear out? Not once but TWICE!? Did Sai and Sakura keep in touch through a communication device while he was knocked out somehow? Did he tell her to scream at Sasuke who was seriously going through it, that she doesn’t care? Can you make it anymore clear? That she doesn’t care about his clan’s massacre enough to think Sasuke is allowed to be angry? Did Sai force Sakura to see Sasuke as a criminal like everyone else (except Naruto) and pretend he was some sort of “burden” to take upon herself without any reason or logic other than her not being able to bear seeing a Sasuke that wasn’t her ideal version of him? That giving up on a fantasy meant she’d had to get rid of it all for everyone? To completely abandon Naruto in darkness and never telling him anything? To go behind his back unless he’s useful to her in regard to Sasuke or her life? Because if she can’t get what she wants then I dunno die ig? Did Sai manipulate her into thinking that the real Sasuke isn’t worthy of life or understanding because it hurt HER to be so damn irrelevant to his life and accepting otherwise just wasn't an option even for Sasuke's sake? Did Sai write her a letter to say her pain regarding his trauma she knew nothing about is more important than anything else to make her selfish behavior suddenly makes sense? To who exactly? The people who call that love?

Did Sai tell her to go and manipulate Naruto’s feelings and lie to him also? To use the promise Naruto made as a tool (several times) to get him to do whatever she wants because he’d do anything for her yeah? (No.) If they really thought Naruto had a crush on her then don’t you think that makes it 10000x worse? Did he step forward in the snow to whisper in her ear and command that she'd yell and scream at Naruto when he got mad about it, because he looked right through the damn act? Did Sai push her to be childish about her failing such a dumb idea?

I mean, wow how dare he!! Sai is terrible >.<!!!! 

This was all sarcasm of course. 

Not only is it unfair to blame Sai, it makes no damn sense.

And even if she was guilt tripped??!?! What does that say about her when Naruto literally would’ve gone to war or give up his life for Sasuke, aye? Just sayin'.

[ghostbrawl]

sent the 🐯 - nono the thing is i do know you!! youre not a stranger im just... sometimes i get spooked off, from interacting so much. because sometimes i think people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset :( and thats got nothin to do with you, you didnt do anything wrong. its me with my stupid thoughts and shit. i think youre really cool and i love your art and style and you seem so confident and dont give a shit about a lot of things. im intimidated by that

tried to answer this one privately and realized i couldn't because its an anon ask haha .. welp! i still want you to hear my input on this one so it's just going to be no reblog.

i'm going to put my response under the cut though for the sake of people's dashboards and because it's somewhat mushy. continue if you dare, followers - i'll be talking in depth about, like, emotions an shit.

so i sat on this ask for a while and really rolled it around my enclosure a little bit. full disclosure i need to just say for a long time i also felt this way - by that i mean feeling as though [people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset] - for various reasons.

one reason was that i had experienced real world examples of this sort of coddling many times - people online and in real life would often entertain me to my face and talk about me behind my back, mostly until i got too annoying to bear and was openly lashed out at or shunned. most of these incidents occurred when i was 16 or younger, to be fair, but they did make a mark on me.

another reason was just anxiety - if i didn't know exactly what the people around me thought, it would be safe to say those thoughts were bad. it would've verified what i thought about myself- and assuming those people already hated me allowed me to empathize with the versions of my loved ones that i created in my head. i often mourned the fact that they had to deal with me before i even knew whether they were annoyed or not.

these were the two main reasons why i often felt like people hated me, but i'm sure there were more.

i don't have an EXACT read on who you are anon, though i feel like i have an idea (you don't have to tell me, but if you'd like, reach out and send me a dm) - but personally, if we know each other, and i've not yelled at you or blocked you or told you not to talk to me, there's an incredibly decent chance (99%) that i neither hate you nor think you're annoying.

if you're my next door neighbor from two years ago, i take that back. but if you aren't, keep reading!

other than in my deepest darkest worst moments, i've pretty much trained myself out of the kneejerk assumption that my friends and loved ones hate me. i'll try not to sound preachy when i talk about why, but trust me when i say i have a point here in talking about it.

anyway - here's how i stopped doing that.

#1 - i started to model my own understandings of people's attitudes toward others based on my own attitudes.

ok i know that sounds weird or isn't very easy to understand so let me just give an example.

a technique i used a lot was just thinking through how, when, and why i liked or loved my friends. i loved my friends because they have similar interests to me, because of the history we had together, because it was easy to communicate with them, because i loved their minds and ideas, because they enriched my life (even when i didn't talk to them as much), because i was excited to hear from them + learn about their life, because i cared about them and didn't want to see them sick or hurt, because they were fun to hang out with, etc. etc etc.

then, i'd think about how i felt when one of my friends messed up, was irritating, annoying, or made me angry in some way. depending on how egregious the ill was, i reacted anywhere from pretty much none at all (for most irritations or annoyances) - to 'angry in the moment, it fades later' (for high stress situations in which i had no excuses for that friend) - to 'we seriously need to work this out' (for ongoing situations in which i was building up the strength to address).

most of the time, the irritations i encountered fell into the first category. many times i couldn't even be annoyed - i loved those friends so much that it didn't even matter, either in the very second the irritation happened or in the grand scheme of things.

in the few moments that i encountered more grave irritations such as those in the last category, what usually would happen is either that me and the other person sorted out our grievances and both agreed to change our behavior, or we parted ways.... and many of the friends i parted ways with i found wanting their company again and reconnected with them.

in evaluating myself in the context of my friends, though i can never know how, when, or why my friends love me, i know for relative certainty that when i am irritating or annoying to them, it is incidental and fades just as quickly for them as it fades for me. my friends will never be as concerned with my small flaws and ills as i am - it simply doesn't affect them nearly as much as it affects me.

^ this idea is doubly true for acquaintances and people you don't know as well as to say "friends" -- at the acquaintance level people can choose whether to get closer or to drift, factoring in time, interest, hyperfixation, location, their jobs, etc.

but this first technique only worked when i had the self-esteem to internalize the fact that other people's inner worlds were both just as complex as mine (holding complex feelings about oneself and each other) and just as simple as mine (annoyed or not? and for how long? etc)!

so another thing that really helped me was

#2 - faking confidence until i could build it properly.

i know everyone says this shit and it seems so ineffectual when it feels much more grounded and real to be cynical, to be anxious and upset with oneself.

and in many senses, it IS ineffectual - immediately. faking confidence is something that only works over years of doing it, and in faking your confidence you must also identify very real parts of yourself to be Actual Confident(tm) about and work toward feeling that way for real.

faking confidence is the sandbox where i, personally, found actual things to be proud of myself for within. when i faked confidence in my voice, way of thinking, my art, and my personality, i eventually found actual things to like in each of those aspects of myself based on how people reacted to that "front" of confidence i put up about those aspects of myself.

for a while i faced an awkward phase where my faked confidence was so intense that it manifested as arrogance and aggression toward others -- avoid this if you can . facepalm emoji.

but in presenting myself as somebody who was equal (or even greater) than other people in social situations i was in, other people pointed out things to be praised about me.

at first i'd be skeptical, but i'd keep it in the back of my mind. but over time, i'd see over and over the success of those parts of myself in social situations, artistic circles, athletic contexts, etc, and start to think "maybe i am good at [x]" or "maybe [personality trait] about me is helpful and cool", and on and on and on.

confidence and self-like is a process that builds on itself and gets easier over time. the second i began to question whether traits i had were really harmful or bad, the more i started to see reinforcing evidence of the contrary; of them being productive, healthy, interesting, worth having rather than destroying.

and the further you progress in this avenue, the easier it is to #not give a shit about things - or to respond less to attacks on the psyche or personality.

and when i reinforced + gained a respect for the parts of myself i once hated, it became easier to believe that others could admire me as much i admired them - that others could brush off my shortcomings as easily as i brushed off theirs.

recently, i hate to admit, i've had to start this process of loving myself all over again as i've started to experience a major personality shift brought on by gaining different + new responsibilities in my life. i respond differently to new circumstances so many times that i'm becoming somebody different - somebody i'm not yet prepared to love. somebody that i'm much more inclined to loathe, because i've seen the effects of my new personality traits on myself and others; not in observing my own actions, but in observing the actions of people in my life with the same personality traits such as my family.

so for now my confidence in a lot of situations is much shakier than it used to be - but the foundations i created back when are still there. when i don't believe in myself or punch down on myself i can keep it relatively contained internally and not project it onto others - or if i can't avoid projecting it, i at least understand on some level that i'm being unreasonable... and i can still keep that outward confident look pretty seamlessly while working out new insecurities from within.

trust me - i give a lot of shits, and so does every other confident person you know. we just keep it to ourselves - not to say that keeping it to oneself is inherently better, but it just helps to keep oneself from spiraling into deeper and deeper self hatred. keeping that hate on the down-low keeps it from gaining significant power.

in terms of being intimidated by other confident people....

i have nothing really to say about that. i think it's something that both affirms and worries the confident person in question - to be intimidating is to be slick and cool and impenetrable. but to be intimidating is also to be impenetrable (/neg) - impossible to see the inner life of through that glare of coolness or confidence. i guess its a double edged sword, i dunno.

but i think it gets easier to see even the intimidatingly cool as dorky, regular people when you recognize that pretty much everyone has or had crappy self image at one point. people are less intimidating when you allow the idea that they too, are people who fuck up, who go through things, who break down, who hate themselves, and who are just trying their best to seem like somebody lovable and worthwhile. and do that in order to CHASE interactions with others - and that wanting those interactions doesn't reflect badly on you or them.

but idk. i get it if u don't wanna read all that.

TLDR: ur thoughts aren't stupid and we've all been there. and i'm just some tumblr user on the internet it's really not so serious or scary. i post incessantly about robot sex and wizards instead of getting groceries. and everyone is just as stupid and dorky as the worst person you know and that's totally fine.

[prof-peach]

if fans wanted to include peach in stuff they write, would that be okay? and how would they write peach's personality? aside from "FIGHT ME" anyway, i think that much is a given lol. i only really write the anime characters 'cause that's what i know, but it sounds like it'd be kinda fun to try making a version of ash that fits into this blog's universe! nerf'd Obviously, but i think she'd probably appreciate how hands-on he gets when training his pokemon!

Ok, I get a lot of these messages, and I often hear folks wanting to throw peach into their stories and comics and writings, and I will always simply ask that if it’s published online publicly, to be linked to it so I can snoop and enjoy the content too. If someone asks about her in your work, let them know about the blog I guess? But literally I love that people take this stuff, these characters and stories, and make new stuff with it. No ones making money off my work here? So where’s the issue? Go for it buddy, knock yourself out, I’m all for it.

For you, and all the others out there who want to add peach, and other characters to your world building, I will give you a detailed rundown of the main lot, and how they behave, what they do, how they function. You can use that, use bits, or use none of it, I do not mind at all. If you’re creating something, you’re in control, not me.

So, peach doesn’t actually fight people as much as you’d think. She’s very aware most cannot and do not want to do that, and so she likes to keep to herself with regards to that aspect of her life, she doesn’t ask to spar with people, or even bring it up at all, but people ask her all the time, even if they clearly would lose or become hurt should she miscalculate during the fight. She looks at people like they usually create problems, and often has a somewhat reserved nature to other humans. You have to work quite hard to get anything more than formalities out of her. She will dead-pan handle people with blunt and very to-the-point statements, aid whenever possible, but very quickly get back to handling the Pokemon she so carefully tends. Her focus is clear, she’s all about hard work, her very small select family, and the Pokemon.

Her brutal, loud and brash personality only comes out with friends, family, difficult humans, OR any Pokemon. She will joke and laugh and play with Pokemon, but clam up around humans, maintaining tight body language and generally will be a little cold by regular standards. She does however have some weaknesses in this emotionless shield she puts up. When peach was young she was always angry, which swung so fast to sadness, back and forth. Her teenage years it just got worse and worse, it was crippling at points. She is to this day, full of fire and rage, even sadness, but now she has learnt to control it, to use it. When she sees that in others, it’s familiar, and she is pushed to drop the front, and be very real with the person. Underdogs I suppose, people who get bad reps, but deserve the same as everyone else. She can’t ignore it.

Once you start to pry open her personality, you’ll find she’s a lot more laid back and fun than originally appeared, you just have to work hard to find that side of her. She will meme reference, can’t dance to save her life, loves her coffee, and can be caught in quiet contemplation while gardening. This hobby is her calmest, and often is why she can stay so level headed when her quiet rage boils up again. Without time outside she will become grouchy, a little snippy, and lethargic. Will not go in the ocean for any reason other than life or death, is fine with ponds and rivers, or water at wading height. Likes the rain.

With regards to her training others, they usually have to tolerate her somewhat strict nature. She is a little....unforgiving, holds a grudge if you make a lot of mistakes, and has no tolerance for ignorance in the age of information that we all live in. In previous posts I’ve mentioned she’s only recently selected two students, after many years of testing kids who want to learn from her. Hundred tried out, only two have ever been approved. How she teaches is very fast paced, be prepared to get some scrapes and bruises, she will test your physical and emotional tolerances with intense tasks, carefully watching students like a hawk. Bad posture in your stance? She’ll be the first to tell you to sort it out. Not hearing your Pokemon partner? Right, now you spend the day without using words trying to communicate, let’s see how you like not being listened to.

This is a woman who has spent her life saying very little, and watching everything, she watches Pokemon and can see an issue from a mile off, and in battles, her observations are why she can react fast, and chose effective strategy to avoid damage and achieve results. Don’t let her body fool you, her strongest asset is analysing, watching, planning. Those skills have over the years transferred to people too. As a student, mistakes don’t go unnoticed with this professor.

Her methods are harsh but fair, and should you prove yourself, she will protect you with her life.

Because of her disinterest in kids and lots of noise, she does pass the training of students on to the other staff members whenever possible. Grey takes on the lions share of battle lessons, he is far calmer, more open and friendly, with patience for people, and an empathy that peach sometimes struggles to have. When you go through a lot of harsh training, and difficult events, it’s hard to change how you feel or think, with peach, well, she’s been through it. Most do not come out the other end in one piece, but she did, and it made her strong. You may think I mean strong like buff and big, and yeah sure she is, but I mean it mentally more than anything. Peach will not quit. She has learnt to destroy the boundaries that stop people getting hurt, gone is the fear that freezes you in your tracks, that feeling that you’ll pass out if you go one more step. She’s learnt to ignore it.

This means she’s a little forgetful at how it is to be normal, to be vulnerable and soft and squishy like students so usually are.

She has her issues, but for the most part, visitors get a laugh, a smile, a calm assertive confidence, and facts. She will indulge those who have genuine interest, or show a connection with nature, an understanding of the balance that needs to be struck for everyone to live well together.

Despite her many flaws, she’s fiercely protective, and will go above and beyond to defend the island, it’s staff, the Pokemon and the visitors. Injustice is her biggest gripe, along with littering, and she doesn’t stand by quietly if something happens that seems unfair.

You will not see her without Valka, her vulpix, close by. That Pokemon doesn’t like to be touched by strangers, at all, and will run the second someone comes at her with that intent. Peach will scold you for pushing yourself onto her, should you persistently try to get close to pet Val. They are in sync, if peach is sad, Val is sad, if Val is stressed, peach is stressed, and so on. They are inherently connected, it’s just been that long, the psychic bridge between them has been built, and reinforced over the years.

The only other Pokemon who follows her so endlessly is Booker, a teddiursa who’s pretty rough looking. He quietly trots behind, grouchy and stoic, they fight closely together a lot. He lost his mom a long time ago to poachers, and peach took him in, and changed her whole life for him. Not many people know, but Booker was the reason she left the rangers, changed career, and got so strong. Will tolerate people petting him but isn’t keen at all, grumbles a lot and tries to move away.

You may also need to know about the others, for the sake of writing, she here a few more bits that may be important to you, or others wanting to do this.

Grey is very tall, very burly, composed, tells bad dad jokes, is a bit of a goof if allowed to be. If he sees a pun, he’ll say it. Can’t help himself. Very nice guy to work with, good at keeping people calm and grounded. Pokemon are drawn to him like a moth to a flame, he gives off warm energy, and has inhuman amounts of patience. If you wrong his family however, he will snap back.

He grew up in the city, loves to swim and hike and cycle, can snowboard, is really sporty. A total brain box with held items, and boosting stats. He will explore many paths, to make sure visitors and students get the information they need, in a way that can be remembered and retained for later. Is a huge guy, but will get on the floor to play with a tiny Pokemon. Treats big “meaner” looking species like babies, very good with all pokemon.

His free time is spent either tinkering, swimming, or trimming his bonsai trees. This guy stares at screens a lot, so appreciates time away from them. Peach built him his own little greenhouse for his trees and tools, which he keeps clean and loves dearly.

His methods as a teacher are built around fun and games, he makes hard work easier to do by distracting trainers from the difficult bits, and focusing in on something more interesting or compelling.

His most commonly seen Pokemon would be a houndoom, Saxon, old battle veteran, retired now to herding and being a good boy. Very gentle, loves a pet.

Pari, now a fully fledged nurse, often oversees the labs front desk and pokecentre features, such as healing pokemon, and informing trainers who come to visit. Her skills with eggs and hatchlings is high, she’s great with younger Pokemon, and hands out good advice to trainers a lot. She’s not a fighter, never was, but can find any file, any study, any book, and any refrence you may need. A true bookworm, loves her romance novels, chat shows and upbeat celebrity gossip mags. Will cry at a lot of stuff, be it sad or happy.

She’s got a seriously upbeat personality, but if caught off guard or shocked, she gets a little flustered. Too much chaos will overwhelm her, but usually she’s on top of things. The years spent on the island have made her better at maintaining composure in emergencies. With lots of siblings, she’s very competent with others, and has a good ability to disarm cagey people with her jolly nature. Because of this, she can sometimes gain information from trainers that some of the more harsh professors may not have access to. Charming is a word for it.

Her partners are an eevee, and a happiny. They are quite sweet and well adjusted, the eevee gets a bit bouncy if you get it too excited.

[levitatingbiscuits]

How would Anakin and the others react if they ever found out the truth about OB-1?

Kenobi was a cockroach. A thorn in Sidious’s side that never fell out no matter how many deadly missions the kindly old chancellor personally requested that he take. One might think that the exhaustion would make him sloppy, if nothing else, but Kenobi handled everything Sidious threw at him with a dogged determination and competence that seemed beaten into his DNA. At times he acted more like a droid programmed to be the perfect Jedi than a real, flawed sentient; obedient and selfless to a fault, utterly unwilling to advocate for himself but frustratingly eager to advocate for others. His Force signature never wavered, never fell out of balance no matter how Sidious stacked the scales. 

Surely Kenobi must have some weakness, a psychological hangup to exploit or some emotional scar to rip back open. Sidious hired someone to slice into his Temple records, then hired a bounty hunter to take care of the slicer.

What he found was intriguing, but frustratingly incomplete. Wide swaths of the record from his time as a padawan were vague to nonexistent. There was nothing indicating why Jinn had taken him on in the first place, nor why he hadn’t returned to Coruscant at all for the first few years of his apprenticeship.

Sidious knew how to hide things. It made him very good at sniffing out others’ secrets.

Weeks of snooping eventually led to Halle Burtoni, the senator from Kamino, who told him the delicious truth of the matter without even having to be bribed or threatened for it. She was eager to brag; the Jedi clone was Kamino’s most successful product.

And so Sidious kept the truth to himself, waiting for the most opportune moment to twist it to his will.

-

Rex shares an eye roll with Cody when Skywalker steps out of the command tent to take a “very important comm message.” It’s either the chancellor or Senator Amidala; Skywalker never answers that quickly for anyone else.

General Kenobi stands hunched over the holotable, projecting the terrain where the newest Seppie stronghold is. The locals are, as usual, worse than useless when it comes to defending their own planet, so Kenobi’s brow is already pinched even though they haven’t yet seen combat.

Rex is never sure how to help his oldest brother when he gets like this. With any other brother he would; ages hardly mattered among the rest of the vode, but Kenobi holds both seniority and authority over the rest of them. He takes his role as ori’vod, as their protector and leader, seriously, even though most of the GAR don’t realize the meaning behind it. 

Rex can’t understand it. His brothers are the most important thing in the galaxy to him, but Kenobi gets all of the responsibility with none of the brotherhood. He’ll respect his wishes to keep it quiet, all the same.

Skywalker comes storming back into the tent, scowl thunderous and saber ignited, and Rex jumps to attention--has there been an attack? 

“Anakin?” the general asks, straightening up. “What’s--”

And then Skywalker levels the saber at a startled General Kenobi.

Cody’s hand is immediately on his blaster, but he doesn’t draw. Rex doesn’t either. He has no idea what to do.

“What in the Force’s name has possessed you now? Were you eating strange bugs again?” Kenobi demands irately. He makes no move to draw his own saber. His trust in Skywalker is, even in this situation, absolute.

“Shut up,” Skywalker snarls. “Captain, Commander, restrain this man.”

“General Skywalker, I cannot allow you to do this,” Cody snaps, shoulders tense with anger.

“He’s an impostor!” Skywalker yells. “A clone!”

Rex’s stomach sinks like a tubie learning to swim. If Skywalker hadn’t known Kenobi was a clone beforehand--if nobody had realized but him--

“He replaced Obi-Wan for kriff knows how long, and no one noticed!” Behind the mask of rage, Skywalker’s eyes are frightened. “I didn’t notice!”

Rex had. Rex had noticed almost as soon as the damn war started.

Cody, who doesn’t know that it was the clone who had earned his loyalty instead of the natborn, jumps to cuff him after that. Kenobi doesn’t struggle. Rex starts to help a few seconds later, mind a screaming void of panic and guilt, and his heart clenches when Kenobi cuts him a concerned, questioning glance.

This may be a Seppie spy, may be an enemy that Rex helped, but he’s still acting like a brother.

“I suppose I always knew it would come out eventually,” Kenobi says once he’s chained to the center tent pole. He doesn’t sound mocking or angry or even worried. He sounds resigned.

“Drop the act,” Skywalker orders. “You’re not Obi-Wan, stop pretending to be him.” He looks deeply unsettled. Rex has only ever known the clone Kenobi, but Skywalker must have grown up with the original. 

Kenobi meets his eyes steadily. “This is what I was made for. I’ve always been him.”

“I don’t care what the Separatists told you, you are not him,” Skywalker says. 

For the first time, Kenobi looks surprised. “The Separatists? I wasn’t commissioned by the Separatists, that’s ridiculous.”

Skywalker is incensed, but Cody looks ashen. This must be overwhelming for someone who thought Kenobi was a natborn until a minute ago. There’s also the sobering implications of a third party with the power to dispose of, and replace, a Jedi Master, without anyone noticing. How many more Jedi could be plants?

Surprisingly, it’s Kenobi who breaks the silence. “I understand your... reservations, but this frankly seems like an overreaction. We are in the middle of a campaign, Anakin--”

Skywalker backhands him across the face. The loud crack that reverberates through the tent tells Rex that it’s with the metal one.

“Shut up, meat droid!” Skywalker roars. Rex feels sick and hot hearing that term from his general. “You aren’t him, so stop acting like it.”

Kenobi breathes deeply through his nose for a second. His lip is split. “I understand that my discovery means that I will be decommissioned, as per contract, but I must advise that doing so in the middle of a war is a waste of resources.”

It is very, very strange to hear High General Kenobi talk about being decommissioned so frankly. Every other clone is terrified of being decommissioned, of being recycled into raw organic matter for more clones to be grown from, like natborns are of death. Kenobi talks like he’s always known it would happen eventually.

“You are vastly overestimating your own importance, clone,” Skywalker says, and Rex has to fight not to flinch at the anguish that darts across Kenobi’s face. “Tell me where Obi-Wan is.”

“Dead,” Kenobi says, the word as loud as a detonation. “He’s been dead for years.”

Skywalker stumbles back. “No,” he says, voice trembling. “No, I would have known. I would have felt it.”

“How could you have felt it?” Kenobi pleads, “Anakin, you have me.”

It’s the wrong thing to say.

-

The interrogations continue for days. The men are confused and restless, the campaign indefinitely put on hold. The 212th are especially restless, having gone days without word from their general. Even Cody drifts aimlessly around the camp without saying much to anyone. Rex thinks he’s mourning, but doesn’t know how to tell him that he probably never even met the prime version of his general without getting decommissioned himself for not reporting General Kenobi’s clone status sooner. 

Rex and Skywalker are the only ones who go into the command tent, now. Rex technically isn’t supposed to, but Skywalker definitely isn’t following POW protocol and Kenobi won’t be able to answer any questions if he doesn’t at least get water.

Rex goes there now, once it’s past dark and Skywalker is holed up in his own tent. The 501st clones guarding the tent look just as conflicted as he feels; he doesn’t envy them for having to listen to the interrogations. Not many of the men know who’s in there, because if too many of the 212th find out there will be a real risk of widespread mutiny. Hell, learning that their general is a clone would just make them more loyal, not less.

Kenobi’s face is so bruised, beaten, and bloodied that it’s almost unrecognizable. He thinks that’s probably why Skywalker did it in the first place.

Rex kneels next to the tent pole to help Kenobi sip from a canteen, and is shamefully relieved that he doesn’t bother opening either black eye. His hands are still bound behind his back; it looks like Skywalker’s broken a few of his fingers. From the way he winces when Rex touches him, he’s probably broken more than just that.

“Sir, you have to answer his questions,” Rex whispers, both to avoid being overheard and to keep his voice from wavering. “I... I’m worried Skywalker is going to kill you.”

“Oh, he definitely will,” Kenobi rasps once he’s chugged the whole bottle. His chuckle is wry and forced. “No use denying the inevitable.”

“Why can’t you tell us who commissioned you? Are they a threat to the Republic?”

“No, he was just as loyal as you or I,” General Kenobi says. That’s all he’s said to Skywalker for the past few days: I am loyal to the Republic. He learned pretty quick that saying anything else that wasn’t an answer to a direct question wouldn’t end well. “And even if he weren’t, he’s long dead.”

“As long dead as your prime?”

“No,” Kenobi says, beaten face unreadable but body tense, “Not quite so long as that.”

Rex scrubs a hand over his shorn head in frustration. “Why are you protecting him, if he’s dead? You’re the only one who will be hurt if you refuse to talk.”

“Because Anakin would be hurt,” Kenobi says softly. “Anakin worships him. Loves him far more than he loved me, if he ever truly did.”

Rex wants to refute that. Anyone who’s seen them interact before this fiasco would know just how deeply Skywalker respects and trusts his master, but...

All those feelings are for the prime. They are not for the clone that took his place, so fully and flawlessly that even the man who loved him best never noticed. 

“So Skywalker knew him?” Rex probes. The general’s silver tongue is looser than normal today.

“I doubt anyone truly knew him but me. No one ever suspected... no one cared enough,” Kenobi murmurs, head slumping to the side. Rex puts a gentle palm on the least bloody part of his forehead, and hisses when he finds it hot.

“Kriff, you’re burning up, vod. You need a medic.”

Kenobi doesn’t respond. He might be unconscious.

Rex sits in a dark tent with a cloned Jedi, a brother, who might be dying right beside him, and makes a choice.

The comm takes a while to connect (come to think of it, Rex has no idea what time it is in the senate district on Coruscant) but then there’s Fox, looking sleep deprived and livid, as always.

“CT-7567? What the hell is going on with the Open Circle fleet? You haven’t contacted the Order in a week, the senate thinks you’re either dead or MIA.”

“Vod, you have to help me,” Rex begs, surprising Fox into silence. “Contact the council. Tell them Skywalker is killing General Kenobi.”

[dying-suffering-french-stalkers]

For the ship game: prime numbers for Lupin x Jigen!

HERE YOU GO GHOST, THIS WAS FIVE PAGES IN A GOOGLE DOC AND TOOK ME SEVERAL HOURS

Under a cut, allegedly, though mobile has been known to just IGNORE THAT. Sorry in advance if this gets goofed for anyone.

2) Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, in any place?

Lupin, obviously (and canonically). Just the horniest man you ever did see. Jigen knows what he wants and when he wants it, but he has difficulty keeping up with Don Juan Triumphant over there. Lupin is also far less picky about locations and times than Jigen is. Jigen still has a FEW standards, thank you, and also a stronger sense of self-preservation. Lupin sometimes tries to start shit in public or during a heist and Jigen is like “I REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE THE SENTIMENT BUT CAN WE NOT.” The closest to public anything Jigen will put up with is bar bathroom/back-alley hookups, and he doesn’t really tend to do that with Lupin or Goemon since they have secondary locations far more suited to such activity (or at least the damn Fiat, if nothing else). That said, Jigen is a spiteful bastard and gets a huge kick out of riling Lupin up over the walkie-talkie during jobs. He is more than happy to get jumped by his boss after they make it out and secure the loot.

3) Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

Honestly, while I can totally see Lupin and Jigen doing this with their other partners, I have a harder time imagining the two of them doing this together and I’m not sure why. I feel like these two on their own both like the privacy bathing gives them, whether it’s to clean wounds or decompress from a job.

On the occasions when they do bathe together, I feel like it’s an unspoken kind of thing, where the other person quietly slips in the tub/shower with them and they just don’t bother protesting. I think Lupin is more likely to join Jigen in his bathing, but if Jigen is sleepy enough or lonely enough he might do the same. There is a lot of mutual appreciation of scars. They’ve definitely smoked in the tub before (Intricate Rituals™). Lupin is probably more likely to get handsy, because Lupin, but two can play that game if Jigen is feeling it, and also Jigen gives Lupin a run for his money in the staring department. No hat to hide behind now.

Lupin has also 100% done the whole “Hey Jigen, do you know if—stop screaming, it’s me—do you know if we have any more instant dashi? Goemon’s gonna slice up the sofa if I ruin soba night again.”

5) Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?

Jigen, but to be fair, he canonically sleeps on the couch most nights (possibly to keep an eye on the door, possibly because he knows that place, at least, is always “acceptable” for him to occupy). It’s an odd night if you don’t see Jigen out there with a glass and a bottle of scotch and an old movie on TV. The main difference is that if he and Lupin have been fighting, he won’t bother with the formality of a glass and the TV will be playing far louder or not at all.

7) [A] Who said “I love you” first? And [B] who ends their arguments in a fight with “Because I love you”?

I hate to take the coward’s way out here, but I think the answers are A) either one - depends on the headcanon/fic/version of the characters I’m feeling that day, and B) both.

For A, they’re both the sort of people to show their love—true love/affection, not just flirtation/infatuation, LUPIN—in action, not words. Lupin is a man of many words to a fault, generous with his verbal and physical affection, so Lupin has to find a way to make sure Jigen knows he means it and how he means it. He may rightly fear that Jigen won’t believe him (or else believe him but take it platonically) if he says “I love you” to his face, so first he’ll show him through every little action he can. Jigen is a man of few words to a fault, so saying personal stuff like that out loud is both a last resort and the point of no return. Getting him to say it at all, unambiguously, and while sober is like pulling teeth. Once one of them finally spits it out, though, I think the other is quick to reciprocate (again, if they manage to say it clearly and under good circumstances and not ambiguously/while drunk or wounded/etc. They’re both idiots and selective cowards so this is a big if). The mutual relief is palpable and immediately followed by sex, because they’re both (horny) idiots and selective cowards who do not want to talk about Emotions and Personal Things any more than strictly necessary.

For B, ohhhh man, if it isn’t that same emotional avoidance coming to bite them in the asses! Looks like talking about deep emotions is strictly necessary after all! You know it’s a Big Important Argument for them if this is what it comes to. This is going to tie in somewhat to the answers for 11, 17, and 23, so stay tuned. “Because I love you” coming from either of them should give the other pause, but if they are angry enough, they’re both quite likely to storm off after that declaration anyway. They’ll come back and have a real discussion later, but the shock or frustration of that arresting declaration dropped in the middle of an argument is something neither of them are great at dealing with. Hearing that from Jigen might be enough to stop Lupin in his tracks, but Lupin might also be so dead-set on something that he’ll steamroll right over it even if he knows he’ll regret it later. Hearing that from Lupin probably only makes Jigen angrier because of his awful self-esteem (see answers 11 and 23), and even if he’s been working on that, his instinct will be to snarl “Yeah, right” and storm out the door. I like to think that one day they are able to get to the heart of the argument sooner (because this is almost always it) and work on the behaviors that worry the other so much, but alas, they are a mess.

11) Who makes fun of the other for having a crush on them, and who has to remind them that they are in a relationship?

Once again, either of them depending on the day.

As you mentioned in your JiGoe post, Jigen says it partly because he thinks it’s funny (“You have a crush on me, Boss? Fuckin’ embarrassing”) but also because he’s fishing for validation. His self-esteem/confidence in anything outside his shooting skills is shit and he still can’t quite believe that Lupin isn’t lying/he hasn’t conned Lupin into something. This is rather overestimating his conning skills and underestimating his many good qualities, but, well, genuine, lasting affection is kinda new for him. Much to Jigen’s annoyance, Lupin figures out exactly what Jigen’s up to after the first few times and answers him seriously (and positively) instead of continuing the “joke”. Lupin loses patience for this particular tactic over time but I like to think that Jigen finally begins believing in the affection, too, so it comes up less and less and one day Jigen might actually play the quip straight without the self-deprecation. Ideally he would just take the damn compliment, but it’s LupJig and banter is one of their love languages.

When Lupin says it, he typically is playing the quip straight and fondly giving Jigen shit for showing an Emotion and motherFUCKER I just realized Jigen could probably be considered a tsundere. I hate this. ANYWAY. Jigen then immediately snarks back that yes, Lupin, considering we’ve been travelling the world together and actively fucking for X years, it’d be damn awkward if I didn’t by now.

13) Who initiates duets? and who is the better singer?

Lupin absolutely initiates duets, or rather, he tries to; whether or not Jigen actually chimes in is another matter entirely. Lupin is also the better singer by far (when he’s sober). He loves singing along to pop and rock in the car (“This is the reason God invented America!”).

Much as it would please me personally to give Jigen a smooth operatic baritone, there’s no way in hell he sounds good after smoking a pack a day for twenty-something years. I think Jigen can carry a tune and he’s a decent hummer and whistler, but his singing voice isn’t spectacular.

Lupin occasionally succeeds in getting Jigen to join him in car karaoke, though as in all things, Lupin is much louder and more impassioned. Jigen frequently hums along under his breath, though, and Lupin loves hearing Jigen’s a cappella renditions of classical music (complete with hand motions).

When Queen starts becoming popular, car singalongs become much more involved because it’s MY silly headcanon and You Are Not Immune To Queen. Jigen cried the first time he heard “Bohemian Rhapsody” and he will kill Lupin if he ever tells Goemon or, God forbid, Fujiko. When the four of them are in the car it’s a full-on Wayne’s World headbanging party. (Pops is the drunk guy they pick up along the way. Also, seeing Payless Shoe Source in this clip dealt me psychic damage.)

Lupin and Jigen (and Goemon) are the living embodiment of the drunk friends singing “Sweet Caroline” post, and Jigen is specifically this version of “Sweet Caroline”.

17) Who is more protective?

THAT IS THE QUESTION, HUH, GHOST? Jigen’s job and, to a certain degree, raison d’être is protecting Lupin, but (to cheat slightly and quote your own DM to me), if you think Lupin won’t raze everything to the ground to keep Jigen (and the others) safe, you don’t know him at all. They are this meme to the deepest of faults. They are both so desperately afraid of losing what they have (and in Lupin’s case, this is tinged with a bonus, even more concerning “what is his”) that they will go full self-sacrificing, scorched-earth policy. This is, in fact, my favorite reason for Lupin to do the worst thing he does: fake his own death to protect his partners. Lupin never stops to think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, he should trust his partners to fake grief and keep the secret long enough for whoever’s on their tail to give up or let their guard slip. Lupin is willing to hurt them in an effort to protect them, so in that way, I suppose Lupin is the “most” “protective”. Jigen’s self-abasement to the point of unhesitating and perhaps even hasty sacrifice is painful, too, but Jigen would never dare go to the same level of deception (except in Goodbye, Partner, apparently? But 1) I haven’t watched it yet and 2) while awful, I still feel like fake betrayal pales in comparison to very convincingly (AND MAYBE REPEATEDLY) faked death).

19) Who drives and who has the window seat?

They split driving duties, but Lupin genuinely loves driving and Jigen is more than happy to prop his feet on the Fiat’s dashboard and smoke or sleep the hours away.

23) Who thinks they are not good enough for the other’s love? and who’s more afraid of losing the other? Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!! I think the answer to all of these is ultimately Jigen, but that’s not to say Lupin doesn’t share the exact same worries.

Jigen has a very difficult time believing that his partners’ love is genuine, and since Lupin is the one he knew first, that’s where it first manifests. Jigen has had very, very few good romantic connections in his life (if any). He doesn’t know what Lupin could possibly see in an older, prickly hired killer with a drinking problem and a head full of demons. He’s willing to believe that Lupin keeps him around for his skills, for protection, and for sex, sure, but anything past that? Doubtful. This ties into the other two parts of the question: Jigen is afraid that if he fails in his sharpshooting or his protection, he will be cut out of the gang, or worse, Lupin will end up dead because Jigen slipped up. As mentioned in question 17, Jigen cannot bear to lose Lupin and he would never forgive himself if he believed it was somehow his fault. Accordingly, Jigen takes “failure” that exceeds his usual margin of error very seriously in the early days. Later, he is better about this, but the worst-case scenario still stands.

Lupin, on the other hand, has had plenty of romantic connections, some good, some bad, though it is perhaps telling that Fujiko is his longest romantic relationship other than Jigen. He is afraid that if he doesn’t put on the world’s greatest show at all times, no one will give a rat’s ass about some scrawny grandson of an old French thief (or the perhaps unwanted/disliked son of a ruthless crime lord, because I love that fanon for Lupin the Second). He must live up to and indeed surpass the previous Lupins, he must shower his partners in money and adventure, he must always, always come out on top no matter how south the plan goes, or else what is the point of him? It takes time for him to turn his persona off for more than a few seconds, to let the quieter, sometimes contemplative side that slips through the cracks come to rest out in the open. Years down the road, Jigen finally gets up the courage and the words to tell Lupin that he would love him no matter what he did or where he went, even if that was nothing and nowhere. And again, see question 17 re: losing Jigen.

29) Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the emergency room after it backfires?

Lupin is by far the most guilty of this. He’s constantly pulling dumb shit, whether that be for World-Renowned Gentleman Thief reasons or just He May Be Stupid reasons. Case in point: the tunnel scene in The First, after which Jigen was duly impressed. Fortunately for Lupin, Lady Luck must be head over heels for him because the bastard keeps surviving, but sometimes even she can’t save him from medical consequences. Jigen bulk-ordered “Stupid Hurts” band-aids specifically for Lupin. Jigen’s bad choices are more likely to literally backfire on him, but Goemon more than makes up for Jigen’s slack in the Crazy Stunt department.

[deonideatta]

Alright it's Vincenzo and fire meta time! I dont know if this is super obvious and I'm just repeating what everyone's already picked up on, but Solar's version of Adrenaline gave me the push I needed to write down my thoughts (Italian version >>> tho imo) so here goes. I apologize in advance for the length sflds this is my thoughts straight to the page so it went on for a while :')

We associate Vincenzo with fire almost from the first episode. From the get go, the first major thing we see Vincenzo do is burn down a vineyard, pretty nonchalantly. Then we establish his habit of fiddling with lighters, and to round it off he blows up Paolo's car. The fire imagery is there from the beginning. When he loses his temper he's fiery, he fights fire with fire, his birthday is on bonfire night, it's a pretty clear link. Yet, interestingly enough, as we get to know more about his character, it appears like he is mostly a very level-headed person when it comes to high stakes conflict, as seen in the court scenes and in scenes like the ones where he threatens Choi Myung Hee. In fact, his cool-headedness is one of the things Cha Young lists as one of his charms in ep8. He doesn't come off as hot-blooded as quickly as a character like Father Kim in The Fiery Priest, for example.

Besides the times when he's just annoyed angry over things like being robbed or the drama with Geumga plaza, we see him get seriously angry only over the emotions from seeing his mom (he yells at her, he lights a cigarette) over Hong Yu Chan's insistence on pursuing Babel despite the danger (he raises his voice on multiple occasions), and over the death of HYC (he throws a wine glass and then he has syringes stuck in JHS's pillow and he organizes the warehouse arson). Note how most of these things are accompanied by some use of a lighter (more on that later). Yet, times when he yells and cusses in Italian aside, in doing most of these things he's not very visibly aggressive? If you get what I mean. He's still almost cold/mechanical in the way he goes about it. Like the result of his anger is an inevitability; if you light a lighter you start a fire. This is seen when he gets angry over the vineyard owner's attitude (he doesn't lose his cool, he just burns down the vineyard) and Paolo's attempted assassination of him (he shoots the assassins calmly, he blows up Paolo's car and threatens him, he leaves italy). Even the actual act of the Babel arson isn't very fiery on Vincenzo's part.

The thing about Vincenzo though is that, much like the lighters which he constantly opens and closes without lighting, most of the time he's not always very openly fiery. As mentioned above the only times we see Vincenzo actually light a lighter are when he's truly angry. He opens and closes them to calm down, but occasionally instead of calming down he lights the lighter, and he burns down a vineyard or lights a cigarette. He says in ep 2 that being weak and feeling helpless make him angry, and perhaps that's why opening and closing a lighter helps him calm down, because it reminds him that he can do something, he can light the lighter if he chooses to.

A lot of his anger/bitterness goes back to him being abandoned by his mother, and we see that it's still a big deal for him because some of only times we see him lose a grip on his anger and have outbursts of emotion are in scenes related to his mom (when he comes to tell her no one will come visit her now, when she doesn't want to get treatment, early on when he's in the courtroom for her case). We see that momentary crack in his level-headed personality when it comes to his mom, and the cracks get larger the worse her condition gets. (I wonder how it will go if she dies? It seems like she might. Perhaps that'll push him over the edge). Being someone who doesn't like feeling helpless, the scenes where he's angry about his mom become all the more impactful because there's nothing he can do, he can light the lighter but all he can do with that light is light a cigarette. Notably we also see him get emotionally angry/agitated worrying over Hong Yu Chan's perseverance in fighting Babel, perhaps since he also comes to see HYC as a mentor/father figure. He was helpless again, he couldn't do anything to help his mother's sentence and he couldn't do anything to stop HYC and his eventual death. In all this we see that there is a marked contrast between fiery emotionally engaged angry Vincenzo and cool-headed business minded angry Vincenzo. The more dangerous of the two is arguably cool-headed angry Vincenzo, because this is the mode he enters after the initial burst of emotional anger, after which he hatches and executes another high stakes plan.

Which brings me back to Adrenaline. The lyric about wanting to leave so as not to cause hurt is there in both versions, but in english it's "Fire, rising up (to) higher, I'm burning up it's dire, I don't wanna hurt you so leave" (According to this translation of the Italian version the equivalent part in that one is "The fire (is) rising upwards, I'm burning slowly, Please leave me, I don't want to hurt you", more or less the same thing). At this point we're aware that Vincenzo has a lot of unresolved internal anger, but we aren't clear on the full extent of it yet. He effectively hides it behind smooth words and well thought out plans, but that doesn't change the fact that he's "burning up" with all that pent up anger (over his mother mostly, and now also over Babel to an extent), which is also "rising up" as he's reminded of his past and faces new challenges. It's only a matter of time until he hits burnout, or an explosion of some kind. If you think of it like a water balloon (idk i'm bad at coming up with metaphors), over time more and more things (abandonement issues, having to kill so many people, having to leave italy, frustrations surrounding the tenants, BabelTM, the death of Hong Yu Chan, meeting his mother again, hearing the truth about his mother's case first hand, his mother potentially dying, and so on) fill it up until bANG, it's too much and it bursts. Pent up anger is a ticking time bomb, and it's anyone's guess when he'll stop clicking the lighter open and shut and set the world on fire again. We'll either have Vincenzo overcome and learn to let go of his anger, or we'll get to see him truly snap and cause some real damage to his status as a non-fugitive and/or his relationships. Maybe some combination of both.

Interestingly though, we haven't seen him get directly really angry at Cha Young before, though they were very passive agressive in the earlier eps. This shows a difference in the way he sees her now and the way he saw Hong Yu Chan, she's willing to get her hands dirty and so even though they're still fighting the same Babel he's not as worried about her safety because she's a lot like him. And yet, assuming that Adrenaline is from Vincenzo's POV and the person he doesn't want to hurt is Cha Young, we can infer that Vincenzo knows full well the potential danger of his pent up anger, and that he cares enough about Cha Young to want to still keep a certain distance from her so as not to hurt her in the event that said anger leads to bigger trouble/more illegal high stakes plans/things she wouldn't approve of i.e hurting or killing people. We see that he is drawn to her (very obviously), and that he likes her (VERY OBVIOUSLY), but he doesn't want to burn her, hence scenes like the "villains don't deserve to love/love requires qualifications" scene. Fire can warm people, it can be a force for 'good' (for example, the revenge on Babel for its victims and Cha Young via the arson), but it can also destroy people. It looks like it is definitely eating away at Vincenzo, and he doesn't want the fire consuming him to burn those close to him.

He's done things that may or may not haunt him, and he may not deem himself worthy of love because of those things, but deep down I do think he wants to be loved, to have a home, to let go of his anger and be allowed to live without it. His initial plan was to get filthy rich and then run away, but like the monk said, unless he faces his anger, it'll follow him wherever he goes. Forests burn down and regrow naturally, but unnatural forest fires are hella destructive, it's all about how he handles his anger. Harness it and overcome it, or let it control him and eventually destroy him. Rn it looks like it torments him but he uses it to his advantage, as a driving force, but how sustainable is that? Each of the arsons are preceded by gasoline, what will serve as Vincenzo's gasoline and what will be the spark that sets him alight? Will Cha Young be the bucket of water that settles Vincenzo's flames, or will she be the bucket of gasoline that burns him to the ground? We'll just have to wait and see.

Pls interact it took me like a week to write all this :')

[madlilsongbird]

Watching The Amazing Spidernan movies so that I’m all caught up before No Way Home. Will add my thoughts as I have them. Note I am not some big Spider-Man fan nor have I read the comics so if my thoughts sound kinda stupid they probably are.

First movie:

That’s a good trick with the broom. Making a mental note as we speak.

Actually seeing Peter say goodbye to his parents is horrible and I would like to never experience it again

SALLY FIELD IS AUNT MAY?! Why does this one have the good cast? (not good as in better but good as in more well known)

The sexual tension in “good morning flash…good morning Peter” (this is a joke I’m not shipping him with his bully)

Jesus roid rage much?

Shut your blinds! I don’t know who would be looking in your window at this exact moment but close them anyway!

First careful, you never know who is watching what you search (when did I become this person)

Second…curt connors is ableist.

Poor Rodrigo Guevara

Oh internalised ableism. And that is the only comment I will make going forward because my disabilities do not include limb difference and I dont want to overstep.

Stop following the man, you are not subtle…wait wtf how’d he do that?!

This is where he gets his powers right?

Okay but when would 5 men make that much of a fuss over a woman that only 1 of them seems to know?

Same. (This is in reference to smashing the alarm clock)

Oh my god is it really necessary to show all the different kinds of spider bites.

Actually just going back to the internalised ableism thing…he is allowed to feel whatever type of way about his own disability that is his right. But insinuating that all disabled people are weak and wanting to breed out the weakness is eugenics and just kinda gross. THIS is the final comment I will make on the matter.

No but seriously he is way more aggressive than regular teen boy aggressive so either he’s on something or he’s overcompensating for something

The way he looks at him doe (again all jokes am not shipping flash and Peter)

Why is this so awkward? And not like teens navigating a crush awkward just genuinely awkward. I feel no chemistry between them.

I like the song, it’s an interesting choice for this scene but I like it.

Stop does uncle Ben die now? Like I know uncle Ben dies at some point but I was really kinda hoping he just wouldn’t in this iteration. I was going for a ninth doctor moment “just this once everybody lives”

MOTHERFUCKER

God Sally is incredible

Don’t show me moments of Flash being human I might accidentally start shipping them for real and that simply can’t happen.

Oooh he’s a fashion designer

I just really enjoy how he takes the piss out of his victims? Arrests?

Is Gwen aware that the school nurse can’t cure everything? Both legally and just like generally doesn’t have the knowledge to cure everything. She suggests going to the nurse a lot.

This family gives me bad vibes

This is a long movie…it’s not even half way through

Well that’s one way to tell her

NOT GEORGE FOYET!

I think with what I remember of SpiderTobey and what I know of SpiderTom, Andrews Spider-Man is definitely better with the people he’s rescuing. Smoother, good bedside manner.

His sons name is Jack. Why does that make me angry?

So he’s just not gonna rescue the other people hanging off the bridge?

It’s almost poetic that the son of the man tried to stop him the first time will be the one to stop him now

Now how is he getting enough power in the sewer

No means no Peter

Does she die in this one or the next one? I don’t imagine her dying will help captain stacey see him as a good guy

Stan 🥺

This movie is exhausting and I don’t know if I mean that in a good way or a bad way.

MoThEr HuBbArD aRe YoU sErIoUs

He managed to get three whole words out and you didn’t think to ease up on the trigger a little to hear what those words might be?

She’s very clever and I will be sad to see her go

That wasn’t her scream. Or it was but from a different take.

Foyet about to be coming in clutch

I’m going to cry.

He’s so ugly. Some lizards are really cute but lizard + human, kinda gross looking.

Well shit. I didn’t know that happened. I guess what I said about him being upset with Peter about Gwen is irrelevant. Unless it isn’t, like if you believe in the afterlife, imagine how pissed he’s gonna be when Gwen arrives.

He finally got the eggs 🥺

As someone who’s boyfriend at the time didn’t go to her fathers funeral I feel ya Gwen. I mean I don’t care now but at the time it sucked.

Dr Connors was just in a silly goofy mood. He seems to show genuine care for the boy (this is mostly sarcasm).

Second movie

Oh we’re going back to peters dad.

How do they have access to a private jet?

Miss Honey is badass

Ngl I’m actually quite relieved they both died before the plane crashed. Stil devastating though.

Okay so this is first up on the list of potential mystery villains in No Way Home…he looks like a tool.

HeLLo PeDeStRiAnS

He really just let Spider-Man put his hand on his tongue. Sir do you know where his hand has been? Not to mention just in general the feeling of spandex on your tongue. I feel ill.

No respect for the proper care of plutonium.

Please don’t ever say “come to daddy” again 😂

I’m kinda sad Jamie Fox becomes a villain, his character seems kinda sweet so far from the 2 seconds I’ve seen of him

You mean to tell me he missed his girlfriend’s fathers funeral AND her valedictorian speech?!

Stan x2 🥺

Because you can’t lose me you’re going to lose me? 😂

I love her jacket

Why are they still pretending like she doesn’t know?

I may have spoken to soon about Max

See I would be speeding up daddy’s death if he told me he’d passed down a genetic disease and just decided not to tell me.

Friendship.

Okay max is still a little bit nutty but you gotta feel bad for the guy. He must’ve been so scared.

Don’t smile that’s not cute, if he was a regular boy you’d file a restraining order.

Oh I see Spider-Man is gonna fight him which will make him turn and become the “bad guy” whether he will actually be a bad guy is still unknown.

This scene is actually kinda just making me angry (the time square scene)

Cops suck man. Peter was talking him down just fine.

Did nobody teach these people not to touch metal when there’s electricity about.

Interesting that I didn’t pick up any chemistry from them in the first movie weren’t they an actual couple for a while?

Another good song with an interesting placement

I’m sorry did the caller ID not say Mary Parker? How was it Harry on the phone?

Run Gwen!

This version of Harry is kinda creepy I’m sure the actor is swell but the character is terrifying. Original version Harry was swell whereas the actor is…

“Maybe everyone has a part of themselves they hide” gives him the eye

This movies shorter or at least it feels shorter

An excellent show of what happens when you tell a rich daddy’s boy no for the first time.

This makes me very sad. She’s so excited for the possibility of Oxford.

As much as Harry disturbs me, I want him to burn his entire team.

His daddy really did love him!

I think it’s mostly his eyes, his behaviour can be explained by trauma (why I find Harry creepy)

Okay most of his behaviour. The taking joy in killing people that’s just him being nutty and not a trauma response.

This is fucked up. And where is Peter? he is off chasing a girl who has broken up with him twice now.

PLANES NEED THE POWER!

I really like SpiderAndrew, the movies are fine but as a character I thoroughly enjoy him

Sorcerers apprentice who?

Captain Stacy can’t blame him! She’s clearly stubborn as hell and her own free woman

I quite literally stopped breathing (in reference to the almost plane crash)

Is this why they made it Gwen and not MJ so that he could kill her and be an actual bad guy? From my little knowledge of the comics and what I’ve seen from the movies Harry would never hurt MJ so it had to be someone else important to Peter but not super important to him for him to a real bad guy

I like that Harry actually looks like a goblin.

What was the disease he’s supposed to have?

This poor family. I know I said they gave me bad vibes in the first movie but nobody deserves this.

He looks less like a tool with his suit on…but only slightly less

Baby you better get back behind that baracade!

Nobody talk to me I’m very emotional. This child looks very much like a magical mix of all 3 of my brothers put together and seeing him stand there so brave but so scared is doing something to me.

Final thoughts:

So I think SpiderAndrew might be a close second favourite for me. I like the relationships of the original the most, the comedy of the mcu version the most but this one was like a nice in between. Im a little disappointed there won’t be a third not cos I think I would have enjoyed it just cos the original had 3 movies, the mcu version will have at least 3 movies and this one is left out with 2. Don’t think I would have loved Shailene Woodley as MJ though so I dunno. I think the only thing I would have wanted from a third movie is to know who fedora guy is…and for Peter and May to acknowledge that they both know that he is Spider-Man. Apart from that it was fine and I now feel fully prepared for No Way Home.

[capricornlibraries]

4 years and a hell of a lot of heartache

“This is what I thought I thought you'd need me This is what I thought so think me naive I'd promise you a heart you'd promise to keep Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep” (“Prelude 12/21” by AFI)

The anniversary of the day she left this world has come and gone for the fourth year in a row. Her absence no longer brings me sadness, but the thought of all she has and will miss does. My growth as well as everyone else’s has been so amazing these past few years. Sadly, I don’t think, if she was still here, that that growth would be as admirable. I think it’s the appreciation for the growth. A certain embrace of life that only happens following the death of someone close. I see death as more of a blessing than a curse. It starts out in a devastating way, but much like fire, there’s a following rebirth. There’s a reason Uranus follows Saturn. “How beautiful… the agony in the moment of destruction” (Sailor Saturn, Sailor Moon, vol. 8).

The day she died was a new moon. This year it’s full, in the sign of Aquarius, the water-bearer she was born under. Pluto cozied up with my Venus, Neptune winked at my own in 13 degrees, and Saturn hit my 3rd house cusp going backwards. The day of her deathiversary, the moon peaked full right where her natal Saturn nestled in her chart. How saturnine.

How strange it was that we both owned Saturn cars, hers white, mine black. She an Aquarius with her Saturn in Aquarius, me a Capricorn with my Saturn in Capricorn. When she died, my sun began its progress into Aquarius. The beginning of my Saturn return would soon follow. In the following Aquarius season, my journey into seriously studying astrology began, and so did the reclamation of my life.

I loved her so much that I would have taken a bullet for her. But that passion wasn’t returned and therefore unhealthy. She wanted me to love her for so long, but as soon as I was ready to commit to those feelings, she rejected me. I’ve matured enough to understand that we were both just queer, neurodivergent children in high school exploring ideas of sex and love through the lens of puberty and the closet in a world where we were outcasted. At the time though, I felt so scathed, that I was simultaneously angry and heartbroken. Angry enough to live a life through spite, depressed enough to die from a broken heart. It hurt so much to see she didn’t need me, and she didn’t want me. I listened to Pink’s So What on repeat. I dived into fandom to keep my thoughts occupied. She haunted my dreams every night for a year and a half. She still makes appearances in them even now.

Honestly, there is still a lot of anger, but there’s more sorrow and repentance. I’ve done shadow work to see where in our relationship I was toxic. I was overcontrolling, overbearing, and could be quite cold. I wish I could tell her I’m sorry for how I was, but I wonder if she would have ever done the same for me. She only ever apologized when she felt cornered. She lied to me a lot and gaslit me when I would figure out what she fibbed about. It would get to a point that I would have to provide scrupulous amounts of evidence, but then that’s when she would say the reason she didn’t ever tell me the truth was because she was afraid of my reaction, then later, accusing me of implying she couldn’t do anything right. At one point after the heartbreak, we talked to each other, and I had thought she had said sorry to me, but then ghosted me after that interaction. Months later, my friend had ran into her and she had mentioned me. My friend mentioned how she didn’t talk to me after she apologized to me, to which she replied “I didn’t apologize because I had nothing to be sorry for.” So I feel like even if I could apologize to her, face to face, or through text now, that she would have accepted it but would have returned no apology, and in fact, would have used mine as her high horse, leaving me to think it was all my fault in the end, instead of a combined effort of miscommunication and teenage angst.

Her death placed her on a pedestal amongst her friends. They’ve all been so devastated from her loss, understandably, but in such a way that all they remember was the good and none of the bad. She backstabbed a lot of people throughout the years; she could be pretty two-faced when it needed to benefit her. And maybe that’s just how people approach death. They only want to remember the good. But it’s difficult for me, when she caused me so much pain, to only ever hear about how wonderful she was. I feel like a recently divorced, ex Mormon who had to leave an abusive relationship with all the calamity from church goers insisting that they’re betraying god. I know that they all loved her, hell I did too, fiercely, but she also hurt me, and I am so tired of having to keep that part of me locked away because it’s a version of her that doesn’t fit the narrative everyone has made of her. She already made me seem like the toxic one ever since we broke up in high school, and now I feel like, if I were to speak my truth, I would face only backlash and accusations that I am lying, seeking attention, and playing the victim.

For three years, from about 8th to 11th grade, we resided in our imaginations in a fantasy world we had created together with up to 100 characters, different planets, and enmeshed relationships. We filled notebooks and email inboxes of roleplays back and forth to each other, as well as getting together before school, at lunch, and after school speaking the roleplays out loud to one another. This was how we communicated our feelings to each other, getting lost in emotions as we went from intense plots to slice of life storylines. If only I could share our expansive world to everyone, they would see how beautiful our creation was… but every time I try to write those stories, I find myself lost, wishing she could assist. She was my muse, another part of me, and I loved her with every fiber of my being for so long. But I also hated her because of the power she held over me, the way she left me behind to fend for myself as she rebuilt her life without me so easily. I still feel like I am easy to throw away, and it disrupts all my relationships to this day. I will try to get close but then shy away, feeling like people are better off without me. For others, she was the light of their lives and now they can’t face the darkness she has left behind. For me, she was pain and suffering, and I had fallen in love with the darkness.

So I use this full moon to release these pent up feelings, emotions that ran deep from her death on the Leo new moon 4 years ago. I have since then faced some of the darkest parts of myself and embraced them, dived into myself to reach a hand out to my inner child who I am still learning to soothe and let their voice be heard. I want to be able to speak my truth without feeling afraid. I want to be taken seriously, seen as someone who is capable and smart. I am a great friend who didn’t deserve to be thrown away; I deserved compassion and understanding in my weakest moments. The person she left in senior year of high school deserves to have their voice and story heard, even if it’s years later, and she is gone. I release the anger, the pain, and the sorrow. I embrace loving myself and speaking my truth. I loved her, but I also hated her, and both those parts of me deserve recognition and compassion. I know my worth now. I am worthy, I am loved, I am wonderful. I am a light in people’s lives; I have faced my darkness so I no longer need to see myself as only a shadow; I am both the shadow and the light. I may be saturnine, but I have Jupiter in Leo in my 10th house. The expansive, abundant planet in the sign of creativity and generosity shines above me, as I hold Saturn close to my chest. Maybe Saturn appears first, but don’t be afraid, because Jupiter lights the way towards bigger and better things.

[gay-jesus-probably]

What's up fam does anyone want to hear my new theories on Paranatural JUST KIDDING YOU'RE GETTING THEM ANYWAYS

Okay so first things first: of all the medium's we've met so far, I think that Isaac and Johnny are the only normal ones. And also maybe Walker? Cause during the flashback at the start of Chapter 7 he uses his mute powers with his bare hands, and doesn't seem to use a tool to fight. It'd explain why his flashback aesthetic is so aggressively 70's even though the flashback is set in the early 00's and his usual style is 'cowboy' - makes sense if his flashback look is a symptom of possession.

...That's not the point. Flashback Walker being a medium is completely unrelated to this.

Anyways.

When Possessed Max was threatening Doorman in ch 3, the Doorman immediately identified it as 'a broken god'. Given that the spirit mentions it "didn't end up with the sense of humor", the broken part is probably very literal. Then later on while talking with Nin, Doorman says that Max is "unaware that he carries one of the s-". While the last word is cut off, my guess is it's the start of a number, and refers to how many pieces the Broken God is in.

So that leaves us with three major questions: 1. What is the Broken God and why is it broken? 2. Where are the fragments? 3. What do they want?

Under the read more, because this is 3k words and I’m not an animal.

What is the Broken God, and why is it broken?

While it was whole, the Broken God was a terrifyingly powerful entity with apocalyptic levels of power. It might have been a spirit all along, or it could have started as something else entirely. If that's the case, then the act of breaking might have 'killed' it, turning the fragments into spirits. Whether it was originally a spirit or not, it couldn't be destroyed completely, but being shattered left the fragments weakened and gave the rest of the world a chance against it. It's possible that it hadn't done anything to warrant being attacked, and it was just shattered out of fear of what something that powerful might do, but I think it's more likely it was a very active threat that needed to be brought down.

So who broke it?

Ron Swanson; it burned his hand so he punched it

Bad jokes aside, I think something that powerful would push the Godzilla threshold enough to make a lot of groups put aside their differences to bring it down. Judging by what we've heard about them so far, I assume that early versions of the Cousinhood of Man and Paranatural Activity Consortium were involved. The two organizations might have actually been founded in response to the crisis, or were originally a single group that had a schism after. I don't think it was just them, but I do think the Cousinhood and Consortium were major players in the whole mess.

Which brings us to...

Where are the fragments?

I can't say for sure how many pieces it's in, but judging by the Doorman's comment, my guess is it's a number that starts with S. That's a lot of options, but I'm guessing six or seven, because any higher numbers that start with an S would just be ridiculous - six or seven is manageable, but double digits or higher is way too much to keep track of, the story would never be able to give all of them the focus they deserve.

So we've got six or seven fragments of a broken god. Where are they?

Fragment One: Possessing Max, which is the only thing currently confirmed by canon. This is a very recent development, as Max isn't showing any physical symptoms, was able to cross the barrier to enter Mayview, and his spectral abilities didn't kick in until his first day of school. Given that Johnny starts seeing shades roughly twelve hours after his possession, that implies that Max was possessed the day he moved into Mayview.

I think Max's fragment was stuck outside of Mayview, and looking to get in. It came across the Puckett's heading towards Mayview, and hitched a ride by possessing Max. This is backed up by the fact that Max began to awaken as a spectral before having noticeably interacted with anything supernatural - on his first night, Max could hear Hissin' Pete, saw PJ as a shade, and PJ was able to physically interact with him. If we compare that to the timeline of Johnny being possessed around midnight and seeing his first shade by lunchtime the next day, Max would have been possessed at some point in the late morning of the day he moved to Mayview.

Max's fragment is not Scrapdragon. I think that Max is a little like Mr. Spender, in that he's a medium whose also wielding a tool. Max's fragment is very chatty, revealing itself to the Doorman with no prompting, speaking in long, eloquent sentences, and even talks at Isaac about the concept of school buses and his own morality. On the other hand, Scrapdragon's communicated only in angry screeching so far. Also, Scrapdragon is obviously the source of Max's magnet powers, and he can only channel them through the baseball bat that Scrapdragon's possessing. I don't think Scrapdragon likes the fragment either - despite being a grudge, it seems fairly neutral towards Max, and only gets angry when he accidentally hits it. I don't know if Scrapdragon is trying to oppose the fragment the same way Lucifer fights the Shadow, but I don't think Scrapdragon wants to hurt Max, and it might end up helping him.

Fragment Two: Alright so now we're getting into speculative territory. I'm not numbering these by order of introduction btw, from here on out I'm looking at this via connections.

Boss Leader is possessed by a wight that the Consortium's been studying for a very long time, and is fairly non-hostile. Although it can't communicate clearly, it can express its emotions to BL, and she seems to have a lot of trust in it. Despite Boss Leader's shenanigans, it's been repeatedly shown that she takes the safety of spectral kids very seriously - if she thought there was any chance her wight would be dangerous, she never would have introduced it to two teenagers and a toddler, especially not just to explain the concept of a wight. This is also backed up by the wight's actions during that conversation - it's clearly paying attention, but it doesn't show any hostility, and the only thing it says is "PLEASE DON'T BE SCARED". Hell, it even seems to be a little disappointed that nobody reacts to the wight/white pun.

Despite this, I believe that Sandman is a fragment of the broken god. Not so much because of how it acts, but because of its connection to other possible pieces.

Fragment Three: Dr. Gwen Burger and her husband got stuck inside the prison of an unknown Wight. It was imprisoned by the Consortium before the current Boss Leader took power, it's lonely, dangerous, and really wants out. If it escapes, the results probably won't be pretty, time works differently in its prison, and its dream is connected to Gwen's. I think that Gwen might be its medium, given how warped her appearance is in the dream world, and that the wights prison relies on it being bound to a medium.

Gwen's wight is seemingly hostile, given that it attacks the group at the first opportunity, but what it wants is hard to say - its only line so far is "LOOK AT ME", and it may have been responsible for the demise of Gwen's husband. It also looks very similar to Sandman, implying a connection between them. Given that it's already been established that a Broken God is out there, it only makes sense for Sandman and Gwen's wight to be more fragments.

And more importantly, they're both very clearly connected to another powerful spirit.

Fragment Four: The Shadow, which has been possessing Richard Spender for at least thirteen years now. It's obviously powerful, given how much it scares Spender and Lucifer, and how being its medium has affected Spender's reputation. Given how he reacts to Forge saying he 'defeated the strongest spirit', that likely refers to Mr. Spender's past experience with the Shadow, and the circumstances that led to his possession.

Apart from its power, the main reason I think the Shadow is a fragment of the Broken God is because of its connections to Sandman and Gwen's wight. With Sandman, they look incredibly similar - the Shadow's face resembles a sun and is noticeably missing an eye, while Sandman's face resembles a crescent moon, and its only clear feature is a single eye. This suggests that Sandman and the Shadow are directly related to each other. As for Gwen's wight, it's connection to the Shadow is made clear by Rick's reaction to being attacked by it - while everyone else reacts, Rick freezes up and starts shaking in terror, either recognizing it as being similar to the Shadow, or having a flashback to his obviously traumatic possession. Probably both.

There's also the reactions of Sandman and Gwen's wight. When the group is attacked by Gwen's wight, the framing of the scene heavily implies that it's reaching out to grab Spender - Boss Leader and Walker are moving to defend the others, Gwen's almost completely hidden behind Walker, Mina's reflexively shielding Rick and Ed, Ed's hidden behind Walker and Mina... and Rick is perfectly centered at the back of the group. Furthermore, the way the wight attack contrasts to Rick's flashback heavily implies that it's reaching for him specifically. Meanwhile when the kids are introduced to Sandman, while it's kinda hard to track its line of sight, it seems like it might be staring at Rick the whole time. What the two wights say could also be interpreted as them speaking directly to Rick - Gwen's wight wants him to look at it, while Sandman begs him not be scared. If the two wights are fragments of the Broken God, they might be able to recognize that Rick is the medium of another one, and react accordingly. Gwen's wight wants him look at it, possibly realizing that he's frozen in terror and wanting to keep him that way so that he's an easy target. Sandman also realizes that Rick is traumatized and keeps its distance, asking Rick not to be afraid, as it doesn't want to hurt him. The point is, the Shadow, Sandman, and Gwen's wight are obviously connected to each other, and the most likely reason is all three are fragments of the Broken God.

I believe the Shadow was imprisoned at the bottom of Mayview Lake, though not by the Consortium. Thirteen years before Max came to Mayview, its prison was somehow broken by group that wanted to free the Broken God, though they were widely disorganized. Somehow a young Rick Spender wound up in the lake as the Shadow got free, and it pulled him under before possessing him. Given that Spender dying would free the Shadow, it's possible that the Shadow needed to possess a medium to escape its prison, and was trying to drown Rick right away to free itself. Lucifer intervened, pulling Rick out of the lake, and the two of them have been imprisoning the Shadow in Mr. Spender ever since.

Fragment Five: The Angel of Mayview.

Yeah, I know, she's definitely an enemy of Max's fragment and seemingly means well, but hear me out. When she speaks with Nin and Doorman, she pretty much immediately says she doesn't deserve to be called master. She also seems invested in Forge getting a second chance, not just to advance her goals, but also just for his own sake. These two details give me the impression that she's done some seriously bad things in the past, and is actively trying to make amends for it. Being part of the seemingly evil Broken God would qualify.

My other evidence is what Max's fragment says in Chapter 3. It specifically says that it "didn't end up with the sense of humor", implying that it's unable to find things funny. And right after that, the fragment and Doorman have this exchange: Doorman: Your return changes nothing, schemer. My master does not fear broken gods. Fragment: She should. Would if she could. The comedy your ignorance breeds is wasted on my ears.

This suggests that the Angel isn't scared because she can't be scared. Like she didn't get the ability to fear things, because another fragment has it. Max's fragment also suggests that it knows more about the Angel than Doorman does, and that considering her an enemy of the Broken God is ridiculous. All of this heavily implies that the Angel herself is another fragment.

Fragments Six and Seven: At this point I'm mostly out of obvious suspects. There's really only two major players unaccounted for, and while I do think both are fragments, I think they might both be fragments I've already discussed.

The great power that sleeps in Mayview is heavily implied to be a Big Deal. That being said, I think we've seen it already - who do we know that's a suspected medium for a fragment of the Broken God, and is permanently asleep? Yeah, I think the sleeping power is referring to Boss Leader. Her physical body is comatose, making her completely defenseless in the real world, and if Sandman is a fragment, Boss Leader is obviously very powerful. If Boss Leader's real body is in Mayview, then she's definitely the sleeping power.

Alternatively, it might be referring to the Shadow being imprisoned in Mayview Lake. Forge hasn't been in Mayview in a long time, so it makes sense that he wouldn't know the great power he's seeking was released over a decade ago. His attempt to command the pixelhounds also makes it clear that he's not above using evil methods to try and do what he thinks is right, so it'd make sense that he'd be willing to try and take control of it to help the Angel. It'd also explain why Mr. Spender starts laughing when he hears that, despite the fact that he's literally being tortured - Forge doesn't realize that the power he's looking for is right there. Mr. Spender also calls Forge misinformed right after that, suggesting that he knows what the sleeping power really is. Could be that he knows it's Boss Leader, but it could also mean he knows it's him. Either way, Forge is looking in the wrong place, and Mr. Spender knows it.

As for the other unexplained mystery, we have Penny Spender and her white spectral energy. That's a trait unique to wights and their mediums, which suggests that Penny is the medium of a wight. And given that all wights seen so far are probably fragments of the Broken God, it's likely that her wight is as well... but I think her wight is the Angel. We know fragments can speak through their mediums if they want, and the Angel hasn't made any personal appearances yet, only speaking over the phone. And the reactions of Nin and Doorman imply that's normal for her. Penny's obviously hiding that she's a spectral, so the Angel might be hiding that she has a medium to protect them both. As for why the Angel is possessing Penny, well Richard and Penny are obviously siblings, and Rick first got possessed when he was thirteen. If Penny doesn't know there's something horribly wrong with her brother, I'd be very surprised. I imagine we'll find out more about her, but whether or not Penny's possessed by the Angel, I think she's somewhat aware of her brothers situation and is trying to save him. Whatever her situation is, I'm looking forward to seeing more of Penny Spender, and I really hope she appears at some point in Chapter 7.

So now that we've got a rough idea of where the fragments are and why, that brings us to our final question.

What do they want?

I don't think they all have the same goals. Max's fragment saying it didn't end up with the sense of humor is an extremely informative sentence if you think about it - it means that the different fragments got different aspects of the Broken God's personality, and therefor will want different things.

The Angel and Sandman both seem to be non-hostile (for now at least), and the Angel is actively opposing other fragments. She also seems to be trying to make amends for the Broken God's actions, and feels deep shame over her past, leading me to believe that the Angel has the Broken God's remorse. The other pieces don't feel bad about what they've done because they can't. Likewise, I think Sandman might have inherited its fear, as it almost looks like it's trying to hide itself under blankets, and putting its medium's in a coma allows it to hide from the waking world.

Given their actions, I think the Angel and Sandman are against the Broken God's original goals, and are fairly benevolent. They do not want to become whole again.

Meanwhile, the Shadow, Gwen's wight, and Max's fragment all seem to be hostile. I believe Gwen's wight definitely wants to rejoin with other fragments, given that it seemingly tries to grab Rick. Max's fragment is harder to judge; it's definitely opposed to the Angel, but the Doorman's words imply that it's not really a powerhouse like the others. Max's fragment is the manipulator, the schemer - not the fighter. If it's the weakest of the bunch, it makes sense that it would want to become whole again. As for the Shadow, given that it's first move upon getting free is to attack Max and Isabel, it's definitely an active problem. The fact that it's indirectly described as 'the strongest spirit' implies that it got the most raw power out of all the fragments. I don't have any evidence that it wants to become whole again, but something about it gives me the feeling that it does. Here's hoping Mr. Spender realizes Max is possessed before either of their fragments makes a move. And no, I don’t think the Shadow realizes Max has another fragment yet; he’s still in the early stage of possession, so I think the only way for Max’s fragment to get caught is if it exposes itself. But Max’s fragment definitely knows where the Shadow is after chapter 4, so that’s bound to turn into a nightmare at some point.

Also on a probably unrelated note, the Shadow is a spirit of darkness that chooses to look like a sun, and if you look closely at Rick's memory getting possessed, you can see the Shadow had a massive slasher smile as it reached up to grab him. So uh... I think I know which fragment got the sense of humor.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, I look forward to being proved wrong about all of this. But I also kinda really hope I’m right. Either way, if anyone writes fanfic using my theories, I will love you forever.

[animepreferences]

P R E F E R E N C E #11 - D E P R E S S I O N

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WARNING - TRIGGER WARNING! IF YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF MENTAL ILLNESS, THIS PROMPT MENTIONS THOSE TOPICS AND YOU SHOULD PROCEED WITH CAUTION KNOWING THAT IT WILL ABSOLUTELY BE MENTIONED! PLEASE DON’T READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THIS CONTENT!

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D A Z A I

“I don’t like this anymore than you do.” You would whisper, your eyes unmoving from the wall in front of you. Even though you would never once turn around to face him, you would still be able to detect his presence, his eyes burning holes into your back. “I know you don’t.” Dazai would murmur, his voice growing closer as his dull footsteps would inch near the bed. “I would be concerned if I felt you were enjoying living in the state of mind.” He would chuckle humorlessly, the bed dipping beneath you as he joined you in bed, his warm limbs entangling with your frigid ones. It was the first time he had tried to touch you in days simply because he had been trying to give you the space he felt you needed. He had realized his endeavors were futile, nevertheless, realizing a little too late that you needed him. You needed his touch, his presence, his words of encouragement. You needed him period. And he had let you down. It hadn’t been on purpose, but it had still happened. How were you ever going to forgive him? Would you be able to? “I understand why you don’t want to be around me though. I’m not angry. In fact, I understand. You have your own demons, you don’t need to shoulder mine.” You would state curtly, your voice faraway as you closed your eyes basking in the wonderful feeling of having him close to you again. His heart would quite literally crumble at your words. “I always want to be around you, my love. Your demons are my demons, just like mine are yours. We’re a team now, Y/N. I’m sorry I’ve left you alone in this to feel that way about me. I love you very, very much. And we both know that I don’t ever say that lightly.” You shivered as you felt his lips on your neck, his words hot against your cold skin. This touch alone was enough to make you forget for a fleeting second about how empty you were feeling. Surely, it wasn’t enough to cure your dark emotions, but it was a nice distraction-a bandaid, if you will. “Dazai, how do you do it? How do you feel like this constantly and still have the courage to do what you do?” You would ask very seriously, turning around to face him as your eyes bored into his. “Are you asking me what my muse is in existing? What keeps me going even when I feel like life is an endless void of suffering?” Dazai would inquire, taking you into his arms as he stared down at you with an indescribable emotion stirring in his features. All you could do was nod as you took in his ominous form, not sure you were really wanting an answer to the question that you were so painfully curious about. “It’s quite simple, really. My muse in getting up every morning and wanting to right my wrongs, my purpose to living in this cruel, dark world is nothing less or more than the love I have for you, Y/N.” Your heart would stop all together before propelling into an alarming rate knowing that the indistinguishable emotions in his face had been nothing but ardor and pure love for you. Dazai wasn’t typically one to let his exterior guard down, but for you it was nothing. He loved you. He really, really loved you. “And that is the exact reason why I know you’re going to get through this. Because I love you and I will never give up on you because you never gave up on me. We’re in this together now, my dear, sweet Y/N.” And with that, his lips would be crashing against yours with the most sincere, most gentle touch.

-

A K U T A G A WA

“Do you think I am a fool?” His words would pull you up short, your body freezing in place as you turned slowly on your heel to face him. His face would be stone cold, his expression unreadable as he stared intently at you. “Of course not.” You would whisper, your eyebrows furrowing together as you took in his unmoving expression. He was completely still. In fact, you had never seen Aku look so frozen in your life. You would be lying if you said it didn’t frighten you, for you knew this was the calm before a massive storm. “Then why are you lying to me.” Even though his words were supposed to come out as a question, you could hear the statement plain and simple behind his words. This was not a question, no. This was a confrontation. A confrontation that you were destined to lose. Gaping at him for a moment, your head would drop as the tears rushed to your eyes before you could fight it. You hated crying, but what you hated more was having to explain your actions. Why you hadn’t been eating, why you had been spending more time in bed than not, why you had been taking extra long showers and dissociating from Akutagawa for decent periods of time. Furthermore, you knew you were going to have to come clean about your trauma, your depression. You hated it. You hated it more than you could even bear. “I don’t want to lose you.” You would gasp, forcing yourself to look through your blurry vision at your unreadable boyfriend. “I-I-I am damaged goods. I haven’t been depressed since we’ve been together, but this is who I am. This is what I go through from time to time. And I-I really don’t want to lose you because of this.” You would force yourself to pull it together, taking a deep breath as you closed your eyes. You had mastered the art at stifling your emotions. You had mastered the art of pretending like you were okay. “Do you seriously think you’d lose me because of that?” Aku would ask, his tone cold and glaring. “Y/N. You are allowed to be depressed. You are allowed to feel other emotions other than happiness. That is what being human is. It’s not always perfect. It’s not always jubilant. You CANNOT control that. You can control being honest though, which you failed to do making you exceedingly selfish.” He was scolding you, but it wasn’t to parent you. He was scolding you because he felt slighted. He felt slighted and left out of the loop. And he had every right to feel that way, you couldn’t deny that. That made you feel even worse. “I never looked at it that way, I’m just so very ashamed of myself. I’m sorry, Akutagawa, truly.” As he stepped toward you, he let out a complicated sigh, the different emotions flitting across his face in a millisecond. “Typical me making you feel bad for being depressed. I’m not use to taking care of people and having people in my life the way I have you. I shouldn’t be frustrated with you when you’re suffering as you are. I’m the one that should be apologizing, not you.” Wrapping his arms around you as he enveloped you in a bone crushing hug, you would sigh gratefully at his touch. “We’re a mess.” You would laugh against his chest, smiling as you felt his body rumble with laughter as well. “You’re gonna get through this, you know that?” He would finally ask, pulling away to look sincerely at you. With his complete confidence and support, how could you not make it through a depressive stage? “As long as I have you anything is possible.”

-

C H U U Y A

“Are-Are you crying?” You would be horrified. Absolutely, positively horrified. For there stood your beloved boyfriend, the person whom which you adored with your entire soul and being and he would be crying. He would be crying and you wouldn’t know why. “Chuuya.” You would breathe, inching towards him as the pads of your thumbs brushed away his fallen tears. “W-What happened?” You would inquire, your breath hitching in your throat as his miserable eyes would connect with your own. “Y/N, what’s wrong with you?” He would speak, his words no softer than a broken whisper. “You’re growing so thin, you never sleep anymore, I can barely get you to eat or take a shower or do anything. I-I feel like you’re just a hallow version of yourself and I have no idea what to do or how to help you. I feel so helpless. All I want is to make you happy,” Pressing his fingertips gingerly against your cheeks, his eyes would be wild with desperation looking for the slightest bit of life in your dead eyes. Where was that spark? That light? He missed it so much. He missed you so much. Too much. “Chuuya, there’s something you should know.” You would sigh, pressing your forehead against his as you would slump with complete fatigue. You were exhausted, exhausted from the disorder, but you needed to find the courage, the strength to tell Chuuya everything. Furthermore, he deserved it. He deserved to know why you were hurting yourself and hurting him in the process. So, you would tell him. You would pour your complete heart out, starting from phase one. Starting from when you first got these feelings, how you had grown up with them, how you had suffered for an extensive period of time. Most importantly, you would assure him that none of it was his fault. That no matter what he had been telling himself, there was not a single thing that he could do to make your emotions go away. Little did you know that that wouldn’t sit well with him. Not. One. Bit. “You are wrong.” Chuuya would snap, letting go of your hand as he would pace back and forth his face complex with distress.

“Chuuya, no-“

“No, Y/N. I will not stand here and allow you to give up on yourself. We are going to fight this sickness head on. You are going to eat, I am going to make sure of it. We are going to be active, we’re going to get out and run and live. I am going to get you help, we’ll get you medicine or get you to a therapist if we have to. No longer am I going to let you sit here and be captive to your mind. From now on you are at MY mercy. And, Y/N, my dear, you aren’t going to like me. But you WILL thank me. Because I am going to get you through this.” You wouldn’t know what to say. You were terrified, relieved, angry, and overjoyed at the same time. Not once had someone ever taken you into consideration the way he was doing now. He loved you. He really, really loved you. “I swear to everything, Y/N, that if it is the last thing I do I will see that spark in your eye again. I promise you’ll be happy again.” Pulling you into his chest, he would hold on to you tight as you would bury yourself in the crook of his neck. Little did he know that the sparkle in your eyes, though very dim, were starting to make their return. And it was all thanks to him.

-

A/N: I know this is a little intense, but I like to write about things that are personal to me and I struggle tremendously with my mental health. Thank you for reading and I am very sorry if it was too much.

[lihikainanea]

Could we please have some angst?? Maybe Bill was spotted out with a beautiful actress or his ex, but Tiger wasn’t aware of that meeting which breaks her heart because she thinks that their thing is probably going to end now that Bill is interested in going out someone else.

oh fuck, my poor wee heart.

I’ll bet it kind of happens when he’s away too, right?

Follow me down this angsty rabbit hole. Let’s go with the ex theory. The Case of The Ex (where my early 2000s kids at? Anyone?). Maybe it’s one of those terrible ex’s too. I low key kind of love Alexis Knapp--girl’s got some fucking edge to her, something just a little insane--but apparently she’s the one he was talking about when he referenced some seriously fucked up, dangerous relationship in a few interviews. Which isn’t cool--but let’s go with something like that. Maybe it was when Bill was in his early 20′s, there’s still a lot you learn about yourself in that time and you get into bad relationships. Damaging relationships. You’re still figuring yourself out, still figuring out this whole adulthood thing, and you’re bound to make mistakes. I don't think anyone can be faulted for being a shitty person on some level in their early 20s, and for some reason I think Bill might have been a big time shitty dude.

But look--his ex is some big time actress. Beautiful, by all accounts. Maybe their relationship was pretty hyped by the press too--the paps would legitimately follow them, mostly for her, whether or not they were called. And tiger’s at home, missing her big dude, catching up on trashy reality TV and that’s when she starts to see it--pictures. A picture of him, hugging her. Laughing. A lot of pictures.

And what tiger doesn’t know is that Bill was out to dinner that night, a cast dinner, and his ex happened to be at the restaurant. What tiger doesn’t know is Bill’s blood ran cold when he saw her, he tried to avoid her, did anything he could to just leave before she saw him--but it didn’t work. What tiger doesn’t know is that Bill cringed, gritted his teeth, tried to step away from the hug but the girl flung herself at him with too much enthusiasm. Tiger didn’t see his grimace, didn’t see that the hug lasted barely a nano second before he pulled away and stepped back from her. Tiger didn’t see his eyes noticing the paps in the bushes, tiger didn’t see that that’s what made him force a smile. Tiger didn’t see that the entire interaction lasted about 4 seconds.

And tiger didn’t hear the conversation, didn’t hear the girl tell Bill that they should reconnect, go for dinner while he’s in town.

Most importantly, tiger didn’t hear Bill’s venomous response.

“No,” he deadpanned, “And get fucked.”

Tiger didn’t see him walk away and not even spare the girl a glance.

Tiger only saw the pictures.

And listen, I talk a lot about tiger wallowing in her own emotions, becoming a martyr. But let’s talk about tiger’s fire here. Because she’s still her, she’s still every bit the terrifying ball of fury that Bill fell in love with, and the one thing that will get tiger’s blood boiling every fucking time is competition. And women don’t compete with women--that’s lame. But tiger only ever HEARD of this girl from Bill, knew how she hurt him, knew the kind of hell he fought through, and this girl is now thousands of miles away putting her hands on what is tiger’s.

Tiger wants to kill them both. And she doesn’t even bother taking a few calming breaths before she calls him--is it a FaceTime? Oh, it’s a FaceTime. She wants to see his face while she destroys him.

And he answers--happy and cherubic, a big smile on his face.

“Hi kid,” he says cheerfully.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she seethes.

Bill is confused.

“You tall fucking fuck,” she says, “Fuck you, you seriously think that--”

“Whoa, kid,” he grimaces, “Easy on the fucks.”

“Easy?” she spits, “Oh, okay. Let’s talk easy.”

And I’ll bet she just goes off. And somewhere in there, Bill finally figures out what’s going on. Because in between all the fucks, she relays the story as she knows it--just you know, it’s a much more elaborate version than what actually happened. And Bill? Ohhh, tiger’s anger is revving him up. But it’s revving up every single dominant trait in him, and all he’s trying to do is get to a place quiet enough where he can snap back--put her in her place the way she’s practically begging for it, and not be heard. He finally ducks away somewhere isolated.

“Enough,” he interrupts her, “You really think this is the way it’s gonna go, kid?”

“You’re the one who--”

“Listen to me,” he hisses, “Tiger, there is going to be a boarding pass in your email in the next hour. If you want to come at me like this, then you can fucking do it to my face.”

“Fuck you,” she spits, “I’m not fucking--”

“You’re getting on the plane, tiger,” he snaps.

“Fucking make me.”

“Fucking try me, kid,” he growls.

She hangs up. The boarding pass comes in 10 minutes later, without a note. And later on that night, before bed, Bill calls her again--because he won’t ever let her go to bed without calling her, but tiger is MUCH more petty and she lets it go to voicemail.

“If you’re not in my hotel room tomorrow night, you’re in big, big trouble kid,” his velvety smooth voice threatens, “Goodnight, I love you, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And she almost doesn't do it. She almost stays home--but her only motivation is that she wants to look at him, wants to stand there in front of him and rip him apart for this.

And Bill’s not stupid either--he recognizes her anger, but he also recognizes its true form. Insecurity. Vulnerability. (And it’s not ever an excuse to yell, but tiger isn’t yelling at HIM. She’s also not calling him names, because that’s never okay.)

And ohhhh boy, when tiger gets to the hotel room the next day, Bill is just waiting for her. Already nursing his third glass of scotch, tiger opens the door and unceremoniously throws her bag to the floor. Whips her jacket off, slams it on the bed.

“You want to talk, bud?” she snaps, “Let’s fucking talk.”

“Oh no no, kid,” Bill says with mock amusement, “You seemed to have so much to say to me yesterday, so you’ll be doing the talking.”

But look, tiger is just...tiger is a little less bold when she’s there in front of him--just like Bill knew she would be. She’s a little less courageous, like he knew she would be. And the power dynamic is shifting again, back to its natural state when it comes to these two, and both can feel it. Bill stands then, draws up to his full height. He walks slowly towards her, glaring her down the whole time, and suddenly tiger is losing her nerve in a big way. He doesn’t stop until he’s right in front of her, glowering down at her, their chests touching.

“Talk,” he demands. Tiger swallows hard, tries to grasp on to any ounce of anger that is rapidly leaving her body.

“She--”

“Who?” Bill snaps. Tiger makes a frustrated noise.

“You know who,” she says, shoving at his chest and turning away--but he grabs her elbow, whips her back around to face him.

“Who, tiger?” he asks harshly.

“Her,” she barks out, “Your ex.”

“What about her?” he says.

“The two of you,” tiger tries to keep her tone harsh, accusatory, angry--but it’s not working.

“What about it?”

“Fucking having dinner like old times, eh?” she snaps and shoves him away, but Bill’s not having it. He regains his footing and slams her back into the wall, grabbing her face in his hand.

“What did you see?” he asks. Tiger tries to shake out of his grip but it’s too tight.

“The two of you,” she snarls, “At dinner, having a great time.”

Bill jams his knee between hers, pinning her.

“What did you see?” he demands again.

“You and her,” she says, “In love like you used to be, you fucking--”

“Tiger,” he snaps, “I don’t give a shit what you think happened. What did you see?”

He’s trying to get a point across. Trying to make her realize that her mind filled in a million blanks for her, and blew this entire thing way out of proportion.

“Photos,” she says, and her answer this time is much gentler, “Photos of you and her. You were laughing, and you hugged her.”

He steps away from her then, shoves down on her shoulders to put her on her knees.

“No,” she fights back, swats him away. But he overpowers her, hooks a foot behind hers so she falls in a heap, and he grabs her face in his hands. He looks angry, he looks like a man on fire, and his grip is harsh.

“Four seconds,” he growls, “That entire interaction lasted four seconds. I wasn’t at dinner with her, I was at dinner with the cast and she happened to be at the same restaurant.”

Tiger swallows hard, but he’s not letting up. She reaches a hand up to try and touch him in some way--his chest, his arm, but he smacks it away and grabs her face again.

“Look at me,” he demands, “I didn’t hug her. She saw the paparazzi and went for it--I tried to step back, step out of the way, but she lunged. I laughed to not cause more of a scene, tiger.”

His eyes are unblinking, intense as they bore into hers.

“And when she asked to see me again, you know what I told her? I told her to get fucked, tiger. I don’t ever want to see her again,” he says.

Tiger stays silent, tries to hold his gaze.

“Four seconds,” he repeats.

He lets her go then, releases his grip on her face and stands back up. He goes to pour another scotch, but when tiger puts a foot on the floor to stand he snaps his fingers at her.

“No no, you can go ahead and stay like that for awhile,” he says. But tiger can’t.

“Yellow,” she mumbles, and Bill turns to her immediately. He softens, walking over to help her stand and she keeps her hands on his arms so he stays close.

“Is that really what happened?” she asks lowly, “That’s all?”

“That’s all, kid,” he says.

“I thought that...” she pauses, takes a deep breath, “I thought that you maybe started to want...something else. Someone else.”

“I don’t,” he says softly.

“I thought that maybe we were...that this was done.”

“It’s not.”

“I thought that maybe you didn’t want me anymore,” she says, and it breaks his heart. He ducks his head, bending to catch her gaze. 

“I do,” he says, stroking his thumb across her cheek.

“And god she’s such an asshole,” tiger says, and Bill chuckles at that.

“She is,” he agrees, but then he takes her face gently in his hands again and gives her a sweet kiss.

“You, kid,” he says simply. 

Tiger sighs, nodding as she pulls him in for another kiss.

[a-fallensoul]

 Supernatural Ending

The ending was so fucking sad and bad that it got me in tears and angry, it's a half of my life show, I never stopped watching it in 15y and i'm never gonna forget how they helped me during bad times...

This is going to be long...

But, My Jack... That was the ending?... Seriously...? They betrayed us, they didn't give us the boys ending, they give us Chuck's ending (15.04 pay attention to Becky, they even show us parts of those endings in 15.09, No Cass, No Eileen, one or both dies), so nothing of what the boys did in 15y, the sacrifice, all the pain, suffering, hopelessness, the lost ones, nothing of that really matter because in 15.20 they (the writers) let Chuck win, they destroyed 15y of storytelling, erasing Castiel and Eileen from the life of the winchesters and killing one of them... that was just unacceptable...

I love monsters and scary stuff, thats why I started watching Supernatural but somehow the show manage to become something more than that, the narrative change, evolved, and i ended up loving and caring way too much about Dean Winchester, the guy with this huge tragic story arc, i mean I love Sam too, but, the writers made me care too much about Dean and then Castiel appears in the picture and Jack dammit, it was just PERFECT... 

They give us a simple show about a journey of two brothers on the road "saving people, hunting things, the family business" that later expanded to more than just two brothers, more than blood family, more than just hunting things...

Dean

Throughout his entire life Dean Winchester saw himself like -destructive, angry and driven by hate- like Cass told him in 15.18, and we saw it too... Since season 01 (01.06) that was a background story, Dean saying that on several occasions and thinking he doesn't deserve good things, the inner struggles, abandonment issues, hopelessness... And no matter what happened, he always saw himself like that ( he even vocalized those words on a few occasions )... other Hunters, friends/family that he truly cares about tried to talk him out of those ideas and he didn't listen. Cass confront him telling him why he's worth saving 04.01 but nothing, Amara (The Darkness) told him and try to help (15.15 they talk about this) failing, even Sam, his brother that he cares too much to even bring the apocalypse just to save him, told him throughout the entire series that he's way more than that, and nothing... no one could make him think otherwise... 

Damaged and Broken Dean, a hopeless guy playing with girls and trying to find death in what he does, he is too tired of the job, that life, everything, and this was on 02.09...

Castiel

In S04 an Angel of the lord appears in the show, you know, the one who gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition, Castiel (and the first to say to Dean what he thinks of himself in his own words 04.01), so with Cass understanding Dean in a personal deep way with just one look of him, showing him that he's worthy to be saved, that he's important, that he matters (a personal issue that both of them shares and I will talk later) created the famous "profound bond" that  they share, and that was the beginning of their relationship (in subtext, context, queerbaiting or not), and this relationship made Cass change to even defy God's orders and the other Angels... for them but mostly for Dean, Castiel the “Self-hating Angel of Thursday” - “The one off the line with a crack in his chassis” and  the only Castiel of all the other version to do so (exact words in 05.18 and 15.17).

Cass plays a crucial part in the show and in Dean's life, you can see how Cass becomes Dean's rock and vice versa ... But in 15.18 we all saw something way too beautiful and perfect but heartbreaking at the same time...

Destiel going canon

For 12y we saw Dean and Cass becoming more than just friends, their characters grow to support and find each other when they needed the most. This “profound bond” between them was what both needed... the personal issues that both have:

Dean is afraid of being left behind by his loved ones, to be alone, so he pushes people away when he gets scared, because if he shuts them out it hurts less...

Cass loves too much and he's afraid of being unvalued, unloved, that no one would want him to stay so he leaves before he's unwanted...

But Dean needs people to stay by his side no matter what and Cass, he needs to be asked to stay before he believes there's nothing left for him there...

So no matter how much they fight they always end up together and this game that they have show us a lot of hints of their relationship.

There are many declarations between them, sometimes are vocalized others are with less words and more driven by actions but neither are completely direct until...

15.18 the last episode with Cass and the most emotional one, he said to Dean “The good and the bad, you have done it's because of love... you're the most caring man on Earth, you're the most selfless, loving human being I would ever know... I cared about the whole world because of you... You changed me, Dean...” (...)  “Why does this sounds like a goodbye?” ask Dean, knowing that something is wrong, and Cass says “Because it is (...) I Love You” to which Dean answers “Don't do this, Cass” trying to stop the goodbye, not wanting for him to leave, not again, not in this moment (that's how I interpreted his words and performance by the atmosphere of the moment, the words, feelings, tears and physical pain on Dean), Cass says “Goodbye Dean” and pushes Dean to a side, making the ultimate sacrifice for the one he love... leaving a bloody handprint on Dean's shoulder (a callback from the first time they meet 04.01 and part of the speech was a answer to Dean's prayer in 15.09) and he's left both touched and stunned over Cass's confession but this soon shifts into pure sadness leaving him in the floor crying not knowing what to do, say or think... Dean doesn't answer to the love confession, he is too shocked, but at least we had one with a reaction...

There's something important to notice here, the line “Daddy's blunt instrument” in that confession was used once in 03.10 from Dean to Dean in a dream, he never spoke of that with anyone, not even Sam for obvious reasons... how Cass knew about that...? In 09.03 we hear Cass saying to Dean how he appreciates their talks and time together... So for Dean, the guy who never opens his heart to anyone, to get Cass as his confidant, is just not nothing... it means something... 

Jensen/Dean was scripted to say “I Love You” in 08.17 first and that changed to “I Need You”, they thought it wasn't a good time for Dean or the moment, and we respect it, actually i loved the “I need you” more, because it gave a lot of meaning to the next seasons dialogues between Cass and Dean, even the fights... 

Still, this is one of the most beautiful declarations of love that I've ever watched on small or big screen between two men... (or one...) but, Becky was right (15.04), we all knew...

Dean and Cass ending (2 of the 4 main character in the end of the show) left me with a massive hole in my chest, queerbaiting or not, they did share this "profound bond" since they met, the writers play with that throughout 12y and 12 season, they even made Cass a "Last minute Gay" (personally I don't think he is homosexual, He is an angel, therefore, not Human genders are attached, I think he's just Deansexual), they pushed all those feelings and history of 12 seasons to a side in the last episode, like they didn't matter, but they did! for Them and Us... And it was a beautiful but incomplete story to see, Dean and Castiel deserved a chance to be happy.. 

We saw them, and they are worthy of being seen. At the end, that's what we all want, to be seen by the ones we love and be loved in return...

Cass's Dean

Those last words from Cass, his love for him, meant so much to Dean that finally, at the end, he changed too, Cass changed the way Dean sees himself... Cass's love made Dean overcome what he thought he was, his love made him feel everything he ever wanted...

Since Cass appearance in the show, we saw Dean, a problematic, man-whore, jerk, with no meaningful relationship whatsoever that thought he didn't deserve good things and with a death wish, become something more and way past that, queerbaiting or not he overcame all that at the core of himself, because of Cass... and that's a fact.

Then in 15.19 we got glances on how broken Dean was... the pain of what he just lost... now there's no Cass next to him again, just Sam and Jack, the rest of the world is lone gone and Chuck won... This episode was so good, full of sadness but again Dean being who he is we kinda see him mourning Cass in his own way, just some hints... Dean always turns to drinking when something like this happens, when Lucifer calls Dean posing as Cass he runs to Cass with excitement only to find out it wasn't Cass. Near to the end and after the fight against Chuck, they exchange some word, but one of those stood out from the rest, when Chuck (now former God) asked to them if they're gonna kill him, calling Dean the Ultimate Killer, answering  -That's not who I am- implying a massive change in his core self.

Those words right there show us how Dean changed... those words from Cass... Was all that Dean truly needed to believe what he was, what he always has been, The old Dean would have killed Chuck in a heartbeat but not this Dean... not Cass’s Dean...

Dean and Castiel changed each other, they changed the world, and they changed us too... 

Sam and Eileen

Sam and Dean share the pain of almost everything that happens in the show but he was emotionally stronger/stable than Dean, so he was fine even when he wasn't... And so it will be...

At S15 and after a few encounters with Eileen in S11 and S12 Sam develops a deep relationship with her until Chuck appears in the picture with his "control over her" thing... and they separated because she thinks she can't be trusted, in 15.18 she's killed by Chuck... Sam is in pain, his new love has died but he manages to stay calm, he's sad but still fighting... in 15.19 he's sad for Eileen, Cass and everyone, they feel defeated but by the end of the episode he completely forgets her... In 15.20 he doesn't even know who she is, so the deep relationship they had is like if it never existed...

The Writers Fuckup

E19 ended and there was no Cass or Eileen, actually in the last minutes of the episode we saw how the narrative made Dean and Sam forget about Cass and Eileen completely by not asking Jack to bring them back too...

E20 the last episode of the show there's like zero recognition of Cass or Eileen, they barely name Cass 2 times, no feelings or reaction attached... Nothing to Cass's love confession or sacrifice, we do not even see them mourning their “best friend” of 12y the one who sacrificed for them and Dean after the confession does nothing (they make Dean completely forget about him, until at the end when he was like, Cass, yes i remember that guy... in heaven with a beautiful side smile)... 

We all know Dean and how he is with this type of things and feelings, he's just not good with them, but everytime that Cass has died in the past Dean just loses control, he ends up exploding when it's about Bubu, but not this time and this time was the most personal and important of all. So no reaction from Dean is a completely out of character move and the same for Sam with Eileen...

Season 15 is full of feelings and too much heart, is the final season and we can feel it... in 15.03 Cass break up with Dean with very sad words, and Dean made him feel like that, but we can see the pain of this goodbye on Dean's face and he's just too stubborn to say something... 15.04 we see a glance of what’s to come thanks to Becky, she tried to warn us and we didn't listen... in 15.06-07 Eileen is back with Sam like together Together, 15.08 Dean and Cass got a moment alone with Rowena in Hell while she gives them a couples therapy session, pretty hilarious to see but with a lot of weight for them, in 15.09 they have to go to purgatory, Dean finds himself alone, time is running out and he's on his knees praying to Cass, crying, apologising for everything he did and said, he's desperate to find Cass NOW!. Sam's fighting against God and showing us those possible futures, Eileen saying goodbye, 'cause she doesn't trust herself around the boys... And so much more.

The End came and it felt weird in general, even empty in some parts like, the Winchesters not doing anything to save Cas from the Empty like they have done in the past, the stupid dead of Dean, they took everything from him, they remove the possibility to try a different life like he was trying to (the CV in Dean's desk, he was trying to do more than just hunting, he wanted more from life), Since season 02 after something big happens we see how Dean doesn't want the hunter life, he is tired but he keeps fighting no matter what... They're free of Chucks control and yes, maybe that means that as they're no longer the protagonist of Chucks story, they are gonna have a -normal life with normal people problems- like Garth tells them in 15.10, and probably a normal hunters death, but they are still the last of their kind, -Heroes, like in the old days- words from Fortuna, (Goddess of Luck in 15.11) while she give them The Luck of the Old Heroes something that was completely forgotten in the narrative of the next episode, Jack not bringing Cass back with the rest of the world, Eileen disappearance of Sam's “happy ending”, with Eileen being allegedly alive, Sam does nothing to go and find her... In heaven Baby's plate are KAZ, like WTF with that change, what is the purpose of putting those plate from S01/02 now... and something more weird from this episode is that Dean is almost always the main character but in this episode it's Sam, it was all about Sam's ending, the Roadhouse was from Ellie not Bobby's, what is he doing there and why Dean goes there and not to other place more meaningful for him like to his house with mom, the Bunker, the Barn (i wish)? and last but not least Vampires didn't exist in John's journal/Bestiary he thought they were extinct in 01.20 they talk about that...

A few things weren't so bad, callbacks of the first episodes, the words that Dean and Sam shared, the promise of not resurrecting him back even when neither of them wants for this to happen, the unconditional love between the brothers... Sam having a normal life doing what his brother told him to. Jack fixing heaven creating a special type of Heaven just for Dean, -The Heaven that you DESERVE- Bobby's words in 15.20, Bobby with the eyebrow thing and long pause after saying Cass name to Dean -Well (...) Cass Helped- Dean smiling when he hears Cass name (even in the end they keep throwing us this type of scenes)...

A few good things don't change a bad episode from being bad... overall the episode didn't feel like a Supernatural episode it was hollow out of character and a complete disappointment...

The Queerbaiting

The queerbaiting in this show was in another level, all those continues references about stuff that only LGBT+ people would understand, the inspiration behind Dean Winchester character, other characters recognizing the “boyfriends tag” between Dean and Cass, hints and specific reaction of Dean with other male characters and with Cass pushed in the show too vigorously since 01.04, the long stares between Dean and Cass (i love those), Dean opening his heart mostly to Cass and Cass to Dean, the writers keep throwing girls to Dean and he keeps like.. Hot, she's really hot, okay bye... the famous 08.07 scene, all this and more was deliberately put there...

Remember, these are fictional characters created and directed to say and act in a specific way in the show, so nothing of what we saw in 15y was a mistake or us imagining things where there's nothing to imagine.

After all the character development Dean and Cass had, He was ready to say it in 15.09 and maybe, just maybe, Cass didn't let him talk because of the Empty deal that he had, can you imagine that... Dean was ready...

The signs of Dean being Bi were all over the show, in season 08 Dean developed PTSD for Cass and That scene in 08.07... Dean's confession in 10.16 where he said he -wants to experience things, people, and feelings differently or even for the first time-, Remember when Cass died and Dean was pissed all the time but Cass came back and Dean was so happy and hipeted about it 13.06... and what happened in purgatory 15.09 when he opens his heart to Cass, Dr. Sexy... and there are more of this in 12 seasons... 

The Perfect Ending

“The Perfect Ending” just doesn't exist... it would be for it to never end, we just care too much... but if they have to die, well, they can die of old age after helping the new generation and living their lives or something like that... I'm glad that I even got to see what we saw, the boys journey against evil and all the love in between (15.20 wasn't a good episode it didn't feel right i'm gonna salt and burn it most of it...). Supernatural is not a perfect show but the beautiful thing about perfection is that it's imperfect too...

I do Choose to believe in a different ending one with Cass and Eileen in it, why?... Because the boys deserve to enjoy the world and people that they helped to saved, they deserve to be loved... and i refuse to think otherwise... THIS IS FOR MY PEACE OF MIND

[a-simple-kpopper]

Just Another Prank...?

PART 2

The guys decided to prank you after their MV was released. It was a music video more on the mature side and you had long discussions regarding it before finally deciding to go with it. The boys loved it. But Jinyoung, and his mind, decided that it would be fun if they prank you that they suddenly did not like this mature concept on them. Yugyeom was  totally against it until the final moments trying to convince his hyungs. He said along the lines, “Just prank me then instead of her.“ #whippedculture

And so they decided to just do that. You all did. It would be all right, right?

*gifs not mine

This was supposed to be a short imagine in celebration of Yugyeom’s birthday yesterday but it was longer than I had planned to so here’s part two! Enjoy~! ^^

PART 1

When Youngjae and Jackson went out, the two immediately rushed away from the room containing their laughters. Youngjae was hitting Jackson's shoulders nonstop when Jackson pointed out Youngjae's punch line.

"Wah I got chills bro," Jackson said in between laughs,'Good for the company then," he said mocking Youngjae's words before going out of the room.

"Hahahaha! I got chills but I also immediately wanted to laugh after that!"

"Me too! Me too! HAHAHA!" Youngjae said and then he saw Jinyoung went out of the room with his hands on his mouth containing his laughter. Jinyoung immediately went to where the two was. They were now on the stairs near the elevator on the side just far enough from the meeting room.

"I think we all are pretty good actors now," Jinyoung said, "Given the countless pranks we've done." He said and they laughed again waiting for the others to get out of the room.

“But I really have to say Yugyeom is really whipped. Like whipped, whipped.“ Both Jinyoung and Youngjae agreed to what he said.

“I saw him signalling you and Mark earlier to stop the prank,” Jinyoung was half laughing and half talking remembering how the youngest look like silently pleading to his hyungs to stop the prank.

“But they are just the same. Those lovebirds really,” Youngjae commented, “Why not just be honest with each others feelings geez.”

They were all agreeing with each other when they saw JB went out of the room. He had the same reaction when Jinyoung went outside. The three were quickly telling him to come closer to them. JB also mimicked Youngjae’s punchline before going out and they laughed again.

“But seriously, Y/N was just like Yugyeom when we first made this prank,” he said and the three others were quick to question on what happened after they all got out. JB then told them what happened.

- A little flashback here just after JB said “Let’s go.” - 

“Let’s go.” You heard JB said and was quick to face him and mouthed the words “Let’s stop this already” with a pleading face. You just can’t bear see Yugyeom being pranked like this even after countless of times they had pranked him involving you. 

Well not this time especially you have finally admitted to yourself you like the guy. Gosh he is so cute can he not? 

 Yugyeom’s back were gladly facing the three of you and could not see how the three of you exchange knowing looks. JB was quick to finally go out before he could even let out his laughter and mess up this prank. Mark was left there and gave you a reassuring look that things are just going good. 

You gave it another shot to convince him just to end this prank. You just want to hug Yugyeom and tell him that everything is just okay and that you are not in any way mad at anyone of them. Well maybe just Jinyoung because this was his plan after all. You just wanted it to end. Bambam and Mark then followed JB out leaving you and Yugyeom alone.

You were really debating whether to just admit that this was all a prank but where is the fun in that? But you also just do not want to see Yugyeom having a hard time just because of all this situation. Yugyeom was also debating on himself to let you know about this prank or at least the version of the prank he knows.

Bambam and Mark followed shortly after JB went out and got half of what he was telling the other three.

“What should we do if they both admit that this is just a prank?“ Bambam said while laughing.

“Well wouldn’t that be good? And sweet?“ Mark said, “I mean they were both pretty much against us pranking them so...“

“Hell I doubt they’d reveal that.“ Youngjae said which raised the others eyebrows, “They can’t even confess their feelings to each other that’s why!” They then were all laughing but trying to contain it as to not bother whatever you and Yugyeom were doing inside.

You and Yugyeom were still inside. You just got a message that the meeting was delayed for another 30 minutes. You were still debating on whether to tell Yugyeom that this was all just a prank but you are still distracted with how he was still playing with your hands. You were just staring at just how adorable this man is right in front of you. The audacity of you to prank him like this how could you!

Not knowing how long have you been staring at him, he called you for the third time already before you got back to your senses.

“Sorry what?“ you said still feeling his hands on yours. He was rubbing your palm and the back of your hand maybe trying to ease you from the tension earlier. So cute.

“Do you want to say something to me?“ he asked and got you dumbfounded.

Yes you have something, actually many things you wanted to say to him right now. First is that, ‘My Gyeomie this is just a prank on you, again, unfortunately. Jinyoung said this was slightly your idea because you said that you’d rather be pranked than me right? Why? Why are you so sweet? Am falling deeply more in love with you. Oh and that. Yes. I’ve been in love with you since I don’t even exactly remember when. Maybe when you were away during your military service? I don’t know. I just am. I mean how could I not right? You are so adorable like this and all. I really wish I could kiss you right now.’

“Hm?“ you managed to react somehow coming back to reality. “I just --“ before you could even finish you two were met with JB entering the room again with the others. 

“Yah, I said let’s go and you’re still here?“ he told Yugyeom. You were quick to catch Jinyoung signalling you that this is also part of the prank and eased you a little. You were quick to put on your smug face but you wanted this to end already. 

“Hyung let’s stop this already.“ Yugyeom stood up and said that.

“Okay let’s end this.“ Bambam said and you knew what was coming. This is the part you all agreed on. You and Bambam would get into a fight and you’d be mad that this was all just a prank. Especially when they targeted your work in this. When you first heard about their initial plan, you were really taken aback and said that you’d be really upset if they really did that to you. But then here you are part of the prank which is now directed to Yugyeom.

“This was all supposed to be a prank until you said that you agreed with this concept because it could sell.“ Bambam said and Yugyeom was quickly behind you trying to soothe you of whatever emotion you’d be feeling right now. You are now trying to get to your act thinking of what could be your reaction to this if this was true. If anything, Yugyeom knew you better and one slightly off acting and he’d probably suspect something. So you tried to get all your emotions right. I should be angry this is so stupid.

“What? What are you saying?“ You said trying to sound as hurt, disappointed and angry but Bambam, you could just punch him right there. Yugyeom on the other hand is really not liking the atmosphere.

“This was just a prank? This was supposed to be a prank? You guys were pranking me and my work? What?“ You were really at a loss for words now. You really would have reacted like this is they had pranked you for real. You could not even believe the first time you were hearing what they planned when they initially decided to prank you. “What the actual fuck guys.“ You just said trying to sound as pissed as possible.

“Hey, we’re sorry okay,” Mark said, “We were really out of line here.“

“Yeah we were really okay with the music video and all. We’re sorry,“ Youngjae said, “But we really did not expect you to say that you just went with the concept because you thought it would sell.“ 

“Yeah. It’s like your true colors were showing.“ Bambam said and that really tick you off a bit even though you know that you and Bambam were supposed to fight and Yugyeom would intervene for this prank to be a success.

“So is that true?“ JB asked, “Well yeah!“ You said, “I’m a producer after all what do you expect? And don’t think for a second that I would just let this go. My god.“ 

“Yeah we expected better from you, you know after all this years of ‘prioritizing’ us.” Bambam said mocking the word ‘prioritizing’ with his hands on quotation marks.

“What the hell is your problem?!” you said more angrily than you intended to sound like. Yugyeom was quick to get infront of you trying to calm you down but you just pushed him aside. You were still able to have a glimpse of his worried look before continuing. 

“Hm? Out of all of them you are the only one who haven’t apologized for this childish prank of yours yet. Huh?“ you asked and he just scoffed causing you to really get irritated this time. Yugyeom was holding your wrist while the Jackson was trying to calm Bambam down.

“Because if not for this prank we would not even know that you really did not care about us.“ He firmly said, “You’re just like the other producers who follow orders blindly for the sake of the company.“ That hit hard on you although you know it was just a prank. Besides Yugyeom, Bambam was also the one who mostly saw your side and how you fought for them whenever the situation arises so it really breaks your heart to hear it from him even though it was just part of the prank. Yugyeom was also on the edge beside you. He could not believe that his best friend would be able to say those things. It is not a secret to him that Yugyeom has liked you for a long time now. He even told Bambam to take care of you when he was in the military and may or may not told him not to let other guys hit on you until he came back. 

“Bambam please,“ Yugyeom said and he was already infront of you trying to shield you away from Bambam. Why should he really be this sweet?

“What? You’re siding with her?“ Bambam said unamusingly.

“Bambam, just drop it already okay? She might have just said that because she was also angry over the situation. Please let’s just cool our heads off and talk later on. This prank is over.“ Yugyeom said but Bambam only stepped forward but Jackson and Jinyoung were quick to stop him.

“What? What are you gonna do huh?“ You said trying to pick a larger fight. Whatever you also just want this prank to be over and hug and apologize to Yugyeom for this. More than anything, Yugyeom hates this situation because his best friend and the girl he loves were having an argument over this silly prank he was against with in the first place.

“Not apologizing for this stupid prank and now picking a fight just because I stated facts?“

“See? It was true! She’s just like any other producer!“ Bambam said pointing at you trying to get others sympathy. 

You were also marching forward but Yugyeom won’t budget in front of you. He does not think this would go any physical but he’s just preventing what could possibly happen. 

“That is my work!“ you yelled and marched forward again Yugyeom still not budging. “You prank me and it turned out like this and you’re mad? This is so funny to me Bambam. And you haven’t even apologize yet.“

“I have nothing to be sorry about.“ he said and the others were already trying to get him out of the room but he was trying to come at you but Yugyeom was standing in between you now. 

“You know what you are really childish and disrespectful what the actual fuck.“ you said and that was it. The room was a mess with all the shouting of “What did you say?!“, “What are you gonna do about it huh?!”, “Stop it guys!”, “Guys let’s get some fresh air okay?”, “Please calm down!” and everyone trying to restrain you guys from physically going near each other.

Yugyeom was still trying to protect you from them but you were able to stretch your arms to reach Bambam and Yugyeom assumed that you would pull his hair but instead Bambam yelled. 

“ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!” The room was then filled with shouting and laughter as you won with scissors because Bambam played paper.

“HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!“ Youngjae’s laugh was over the top and filled most of the room. You also can’t help but laugh seeing Yugyeom so dumbfounded about what just happened. You and Bambam were jumping in your own circle celebrating the success of this prank while Yugyeom was watching the two of you who he thought would literally bite each other seconds ago.

“What...“ he said unknowingly and Mark was patting his shoulders still laughing. JB was also quick to record everything that is why he was just being silent since earlier. 

You looked over Yugyeom with apologetic eyes but still laughing with the other guys.

“Ah, ah!“ He said in frustration and sat down on the swivel chair roughly ruffling his hair. “I SHOULD HAVE SENSED IT!“ he said and Jinyoung was quick to hug the younger one while still laughing. He had his head lock but Yugyeom was struggling to get out of the embrace. “YAH! YOU REALLY GUYS. AAAAH!“ when they all went to him, you and Bambam went to him together and had a group hug. 

“I’m sorry they dragged me into this!“ You said still laughing but also feeling so sorry for this baby. He’s still the maknae and this will probably go on for the rest of their lives together. Before you knew it Bambam got out of the group hug and it was just you and Yugyeom hugging each other. You repeatedly apologized but Yugyeom just tightened his hug.

“I’m relieved really.” you heard him and he did not say anything again after that. You two broke into the hug when the other guys were loudly re-enacting what just happened. JB was still filming and you saw it and waved to his recording phone. 

He asked you how it feels to have pranked Yugyeom again but on a much bigger scale. “I’m glad and relieved that it’s done.” you said and he just gave you a teasing look. You again celebrated the success of the prank and the boys would not shut up if not for your and their own meeting. Yugyeom gave you a quick hug again which you also took the chance to once again apologize. 

“It’s okay.“ he said patting your hair, “I’ll see you later?” you nodded and proceeded to your schedule that day.

----------

The day went longer than expected with the meetings being pushed back as the other ones were extended. It was exhausting.

You were about to go out your office when you heard a knock followed by a head peeping on the door. You chuckled at how he managed to look cute despite his towering height.

“Dinner?” he asked and you immediately got up your seat.

You dined in the usual place near the building. There were not many people there now as it was nearing midnight.

“What time is your schedule tomorrow? Why are you still awake anyway?“ you said stuffing your mouth with food. You have not eaten anything except that snack you had after that prank. 

“Eat slowly.“ he said laughing at you, “We start at 5 but that’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway. After what happened.” he said grinning and it made you feel guilty again because of the prank. You said your nth sorry and he also reassured you many times now that it is okay.

“I was really relieved that it was just a prank. I could not bear that my best friend and my ---“ he stopped trying to figure out what should he call you or refer to you as. “I could not bear to see my two best friends fight like that.“

He then walked you home. He insisted. You did not want to because he might not wake up early for his schedule tomorrow and might feel tired after but you also wanted to spend more time with him. When you got to the elevator of your building, you were shocked because he rode with you. He usually just drops you off the building. You just did not say anything. This silence is not awkward but rather comforting. You do not have any problem talking to Yugyeom about your concerns in anything but you also do not have an issue being with him and not talking at all. It was just perfect and calming.

You reached your unit and turned around to thank him.

“You really did not need to walk me until here,“ you said trying to be playful but you sensed that Yugyeom was kind of serious and nervous at the same time.

“No, it’s okay. I really wanted to make sure you get home safely.“ he said and waved goodbye but he stopped when you suddenly asked, “Why?“

He was as confused as you were. What the hell did just really came out of my mouth I was just thinking about it!

“Why what?“ he asked and you were unsure of what you really wanted to ask so you asked both. “I mean why do you want to make sure I’m safely home? And also,“ you then exhaled nervously before continuing, “Why did you say that they’d rather prank you than me? I mean, why?“ Silence filled the hallway as you both struggled to find your balance. You did not think of the consequences of this question and was also confused as to what answer were you trying to get out of him. Honestly, you were expecting something but was as nervous that your expectations would not be met.

“I just, I like,” he stopped before looking straight into your eyes as if those holes are already telling you what he still could not say, “I like you. I like you Y/N.“

You froze right then and there. You also just blinked and he was really close to you now. “I’m sorry it took this long to finally get my courage to confess to you but yeah. I like you.” he said looking at you still waiting for your reaction.

“Is this a prank?“ you said and you both had little giggles.

“No, of course not.“ he said and he cupped your face and looked at you lovingly. “I’d play pranks on you but not this one.“ he said and you just nodded still dumbfounded of what you just heard. “So?” he said and he laughed and said he’d just see you tomorrow because you looked tired.

“No,“ you said gaining your senses. You were just so taken aback by his presence and how he just confessed that he likes you and what the hell are you doing zoning out on him when you could have just tell him that you like him too?

“I mean yeah I’m bit tired but I do. I like you too.“ you said and you just saw how his whole face and even aura lit up after hearing that. He wasted no time and pulled you into an embrace lifting you a little and spinning you lightly around. “Sorry, sorry. I’m just too excited,“ he said, “Clearly.” you both chuckled and just enjoyed that moment. You are both holding your hands and looking at how it perfectly fits each other. 

Yugyeom then closed the gap between you two. You were anticipating to meet his lips with yours but you felt a warm and loving peck on your forehead instead. You just smiled at just how sweet Yugyeom is and it is just melting your heart that he likes you too. You let out a shy chuckle before jokingly punching his chest.

 “Stay with me tonight?“ you asked but it sounded more like a demand. He nodded eagerly and just how cute he is blushing there in front of you.

“I have an early schedule tomorrow okay?“ he smiled sheepishly as you were trying to open your unit’s door. 

“What? I said just stay with me tonight!“ you said bashfully and he just nodded teasingly. Seriously what are you going to do with him?

You finally opened the door and knew you were a goner then. Who cares about tomorrow’s schedule right?

- End -

Okay this turned out longer than expected that is why I decided to divide it into two parts and am just figuring out Tumblr hahahaha! This is in celebration of Yugyeom’s birthday yesterday thus the part one posted yesterday. Anyways, I am still re-learning Tumblr and was really driven when I saw many people who like the first part so here guys. I hope you like it too! Have a good day everyone!

[evansfm]

𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙣  𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧  &  𝙙𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙚𝙧   :  𝗲𝘃𝗮𝗻  &  𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗶𝘀𝗲  .

eloise  connely  was  kind  above  all  else  .  nurturing  .  she’d  always  wanted  to  be  a  mom  ,  even  when  she  was  little  .  a  mother  first  ,  then  maybe  a  veterinarian  on  the  side  .  she  liked  looking  after  people  ,  and  she  was  GOOD  at  it  .  so  when  the  universe  gave  young  eloise  twins  ,  she  could’ve  sworn  the  heavens  opened  up  .  when  she  lost  one  of  them  eighteen  years  later  ,  she  thought  the  world  might  end  .  

but  there  was  still  evan  .  with  her  father’s  eyes  and  her  mother’s  curls  .  a  smile  that  could  light  up  the  room  and  dimples  passed  down  from  the  macalpine  side  .  rambunctious  and  reckless  evan  ,  with  a  heart  too  big  for  her  chest  .  one  of  the  things  eloise  admired  most  about  her  daughter  was  the  beautiful  way  she  moved  through  life  ,  stopping  to  feel  every  emotion  along  the  way  .  it  made  her  vibrant  and  empathetic  and  bold  .  .  .  but  it  also  meant  lows  felt  like  nosedives  .  and  this  was  the  kind  of  low  eloise  hadn’t  seen  in  YEARS  .  .  .  maybe  even  at  all  .  she  hadn’t  gone  numb  like  she  had  when  they  lost  beck  ,  and  she  wasn’t  quite  angry  like  she’d  gotten  with  her  father  .  this  was  a  kind  of  sadness  that  rivaled  london’s  storm  clouds  ;  it  was  a  kind  of  sadness  that  had  blue  eyes  void  of  the  wonder  she’d  clung  to  for  twenty  -  two  years  .  she  was  miserable  ;  anyone  who’d  known  her  for  so  much  as  a  day  before  all  of  this  began  would’ve  been  able  to  tell  the  difference  .  sometimes  it  felt  like  even  eloise  was  walking  on  eggshells  .  

“  ev  ,  come  ‘ere  a  minute  ,  ”  she  sighed  ,  inviting  her  to  sit  with  her  on  the  couch  . 

“  well  ,  t’at’s  a  tone  i  don’t  love  ,  ”  evan  sighed  ,  speaking  of  the  wariness  in  her  mother’s  voice  .  she  emerged  from  her  kitchen  with  a  warm  mug  between  her  palms  and  the  pitter  patter  of  a  dutiful  watchdog  trailing  after  her  .  dark  circles  formed  under  her  eyes  ;  curls  swept  into  a  braid  too  loose  to  contain  strands  around  her  face  .  at  least  she  wasn’t  puffy  from  crying  ,  “  can’t  imagine  t’is  is  going  to  be  good  .  ”

“  do  you  remember  much  about  your  father  leaving  ?  ”  a  thoughtful  crease  formed  between  eloise’s  brow  as  she  stared  at  her  now  -  closed  novel  resting  in  her  lap  . 

“  not  really  ,  no  .  there  one  day  ,  gone  t’e  next  ,  ”  evan  stiffened  ,  sitting  on  the  edge  of  the  couch  next  to  her  mother  .  with  everything  happening  ,  tristan  connely  was  the  LAST  thing  she  wanted  to  talk  about  .

“  mhm  ,  ”  a  distant  hum  before  she  was  moving  to  abandon  her  book  on  the  table  ,  “  i  always  t’ought  i  was  doing  the  BEST  t’ing  by  moving  us  to  lorcain  and  starting  over  wit’  a  clean  slate  .  t’ought  i  was  doing  the  BEST  t’ing  by  never  talking  about  your  da  .  .  .  ”  hazel  eyes  shifted  to  her  daughter  ,  worry  clear  in  the  way  they  flittered  over  her  ,  “  ever  since  you  were  tiny  ,  you’ve  always  taken  on  ot’er  people’s  feelings  .  you  can’t  really  help  it  .  .  .  and  it  certainly  isn’t  a  BAD  t’ing  ,  but  it  was  hard  enough  on’ye  .  i  see  now  maybe  it  prevented  us  from  ever  TRULY  moving  forward  .  ” 

“  mam  ––  .  .  .  ”  evan  interjected  ;  she’d  never  blamed  her  mother  for  any  of  it  .

“  no  ,  just  .  .  .  hear  me  out  ,  ”  she  sighed  ,  rubbing  her  palm  over  her  forehead  ;  even  after  more  than  a  decade  she  could  feel  the  nakedness  of  her  ring  finger  .  she’d  never  remarried  .  .  .  never  changed  her  last  name  .  she  was  a  hopeless  romantic  after  all  ,  believing  everyone  got  one  GREAT  love  .  for  a  while  ,  she  thought  tristan  was  hers  .  then  she  had  the  twins  ,  and  she  knew  she  could  love  nothing  more  ,  “  i  was  young  when  i  had  you  ‘nd  your  brother  ,  and  being  a  mother  was  .  .  .  everyt’ing  to  me  .  still  is  .  i  love  not’ing  else  like  i  love  being  your  mam  .  but  i  was  SO  in  love  wit’  being  a  mother  ,  i  hardly  had  any  time  to  notice  my  marriage  was  miserable  .  we  were  bot’  miserable  .  what  we  had  was  gone  LONG  before  your  da’  left  .  and  t’at  isn’t  any  excuse  for  him  leaving  YOU  ––  i’ll  never  forgive  ‘im  for  t’at  ,  but  ––  he  ‘ad  his  reasons  for  leaving  ME  .  i  wasn’t  loving  ‘im  the  best  i  could  ,  and  he  wasn’t  loving  me  the  best  he  could  .  it  was  a  long  time  coming  ,  but  for  YOU  .  .  .  he  was  there  one  day  ,  gone  the  next  .  one  day  he  just  .  .  .  found  someone  better  .  you  trusted  the  two  of  us  more  t’an  ANYONE  ,  and  when  we  split  ,  ‘nd  he  went  ‘nd  got  remarried  ,  t’at  trust  was  BROKEN  .  .  .  ”

evan  kept  her  eyes  trained  on  her  mother  .  specs  of  silver  were  beginning  to  appear  in  her  long  ,  dark  hair  .  .  .  but  time  was  kind  to  eloise  connely  .  her  eyes  were  as  kind  and  welcoming  as  ever  ,  and  her  voice  did  wonders  to  soothe  anyone  .  .  .  no  matter  the  topic  .  still  ,  evan’s  voice  was  a  ghost  of  a  whisper  ,  “  why  are  we  talkin’  about  t’is  .  .  .  ”

“  because  right  now  ,  whether  it’s  true  or  not  ,  THAT  is  what  you’re  feeling  wit’  kieran  .  you  trust  him  more  t’an  anyone  ,  ‘nd  now  ,  ”  she  reached  forward  ,  tucking  a  rogue  curl  behind  evan’s  ear  ,  “  my  sweet  evan  .  .  .  now  you  aren’t  eating  .  you’ve  hardly  slept  .  and  whether  you  want  to  admit  it  or  not  .  .  .  he’s  all  you’re  t’inking  about  .  all  those  old  wounds  got  torn  open  and  filled  wit’  salt  .  and  t’at’s  okay  ,  but  .  .  .  ”

“  are  you  seriously  about  to  take  kieran’s  side  on  t’ings  ?  ”  evan  bristled  ,  immediately  turning  defensive  .  mikey  ,  ruairi  ,  conan  ,  adam  .  .  .  he  had  all  of  them  ;  he  didn’t  need  her  own  MOTHER  as  well  . 

“  no  .  absolutely  not  ,  ”  she  studied  her  daughter  for  a  moment  ,  then  exhaled  ,  “  but  he  did  call  last  night  .  ” 

“  ma  –  ”

“  and  i  answered  .  ”

“  MOTHER  ,  ”  evan  shoved  off  of  the  couch  ,  eyes  wide  in  panic  ,  “  i  told  you  ––  BEGGED  you  ––  not  to  meddle  .  ”

she  moved  away  from  the  couch  ,  both  eloise  and  ziggy  watching  her  with  careful  eyes  as  she  began  to  pace  back  and  forth  ,  back  and  forth  .  her  she  wrung  her  hands  ,  fingers  falling  over  each  other  in  nervous  fidgeting  .  a  habit  when  she  was  stressed  ,  when  her  thoughts  came  too  quickly  to  sift  through  .  kieran  was  always  so  good  at  calming  her  down  when  she  got  like  this  ,  gentle  hands  covering  hers  .  he’d  intertwine  their  fingers  or  kiss  the  inside  of  her  wrist  ,  tethering  her  to  himself  and  keeping  her  from  floating  away  .  .  .  or  drowning  .  she’d  forgotten  how  to  deal  with  it  on  her  own  ,  and  above  all  else  ,  it  made  her  miss  him  even  MORE  .  she  hated  that  she  was  missing  him  .  blue  eyes  darted  back  to  her  mother  ,  and  she  stopped  in  her  tracks  ,  wrists  flicking  to  shake  out  her  hands  as  though  she  was  getting  rid  of  excess  water  after  scrubbing  them  clean  .  i  shouldn’t  ask  ,  she  thought  ,  i  don’t  want  to  know  .  i  don’t  want  to  know  .  i  shouldn’t  ask  .

“  what  did  you  say  ?  ” 

eloise  shifted  ,  treading  carefully  ,  “  somet’ing  similar  to  what  i’ve  told  you  .  and  t’at  giving  you  SPACE  was  a  good  thing  .  ”

she  shouldn’t  ask  .  she  didn’t  want  to  know  .

 “  what  did  HE  say  ?  ”

she  hadn’t  spoken  to  him  since  the  night  he  called  ,  the  night  she’d  felt  her  heart  tear  entirely  in  half  as  his  voice  cracked  on  the  other  end  of  the  line  .  though  it  was  less  of  an  actual  conversation  and  more  of  three  days  of  emotion  blowing  up  in  both  of  their  faces  ,  evan  coming  down  on  kieran  HARD  .  the  pictures  were  fresh  in  her  mind  then  ,  and  the  thought  of  him  finding  someone  better  ,  falling  in  love  with  someone  better  ,  was  so  terrifying  ,  she  hadn’t  even  let  him  get  a  word  in  .  emotions  were  jumbled  up  in  her  head  and  searing  in  her  chest  .  she  was  ANGRY  with  him  for  not  listening  to  her  ,  for  brushing  things  off  like  she  was  just  a  silly  ,  paranoid  girl  .  she  was  angrier  with  bex  ;  rumor  or  fact  ,  the  girl  had  never  paid  any  mind  to  boundaries  .  .  .  or  to  evan  .  because  evan  was  NOTHING  to  her  ,  and  she’d  done  well  to  make  her  feel  exactly  that  .  she  was  terribly  SAD  ,  too  ,  as  she  felt  like  the  one  person  she’d  truly  loved  had  been  ripped  away  from  her  .  the  one  person  who  she  never  thought  would  hurt  her  ,  had  .  on  top  of  it  all  was  a  winding  confusion  ;  why  had  she  been  so  ready  to  believe  the  rumors  ?  why  would  kieran  swear  to  marry  her  one  moment  then  leave  her  the  next  ?  why  was  she  so  set  on  refusing  to  listen  to  him  ?  what  was  so  special  about  bex  .  .  .  that  made  him  want  to  throw  away  TWELVE  years  ?  where  had  she  gone  wrong  ?  why  wasn’t  she  good  enough  ?  

you’re  MORE  t’an  just  fucking  enough  for  me  ,  evan  .

she  could  still  hear  the  desperation  in  his  voice  ;  it  made  her  hate  herself  .  

“  what  did  he  say  ?  ”  she  asked  again  ,  barely  a  whisper  this  time  .

“  he  rambled  for  some  time  .  i  LET  him  ramble  for  some  time  ,  ”  eloise’s  fingers  lifted  to  the  birthstone  pendant  around  her  neck  ,  opal  for  october  .  when  she  spoke  again  ,  her  tone  was  even  more  careful  than  before  ,  “  sounded  like  he’d  been  drinking  .  ”

evan  straightened  ,  seemingly  snapping  out  of  her  own  wallowing  .  she  could  picture  a  happier  version  of  kieran  ,  drunk  in  a  pub  full  of  people  celebrating  the  beginning  of  the  found’s  very  first  headlining  tour  .  flushed  cheeks  ,  messy  hair  ,  crooked  smile  .  she  could’ve  kissed  him  that  night  .  in  retrospect  ,  as  she’d  tucked  herself  into  his  jacket  with  arms  wrapped  around  his  waist  ,  and  he  brushed  away  curls  with  light  fingertips  that  ultimately  tucked  away  behind  her  neck  .  .  .  maybe  she  should  have  .  then  again  ,  the  later  years  of  their  friendship  was  full  of  moments  like  that  .  and  the  flush  of  whiskey  on  his  cheeks  was  something  she  loved  paired  with  a  smile  .  to  celebrate  .  not  to  COPE  .  he  knew  better  than  to  step  even  an  inch  in  that  destructive  direction  .  she  could  only  hope  that  conan  was  looking  after  him  .  .  .

“  he  wanted  me  to  pass  somet’ing  along  ,  to  tell  you  somet’ing  ,  but  i  won’t  if  you  don’t  want  to  hear  it  .  ”   

evan’s  arms  folded  over  her  chest  ,  and  she  thought  about  it  for  a  drawn  out  moment  ,  “  go  on  .  ”

“  he  wanted  me  t’  tell  you  to  remember  what  he  said  to  you  the  night  before  he  left  .  that  he  meant  every  word  of  it  then  and  still  means  every  word  of  it  now  .  ”

she  clenched  her  eyes  shut  ,  arms  unfurling  to  press  the  heels  of  her  palms  into  her  eyes  .  of  course  he  did  .  .  .  OF  COURSE  he  did  .  because  amidst  the  photographs  and  the  rumors  and  the  distance  ,  evan  had  lost  sight  of  the  words  that  truly  mattered  .  you  ,  evan  ––  my  love  ––  are  t’e  love  of  my  life  and  you  will  be  even  after  i  take  my  final  breath  .  t’ere’s  no  one  else  .  t’ere  never  was  anyone  else  .  you’ve  seen  me  ,  and  i  know  you  .  i’m  not  going  anywhere  .  .  .  her  breath  hitched  ;  the  tears  crept  up  on  her  faster  than  before  .  THERE’S  NO  ONE  ELSE  .  it  was  just  as  true  for  him  as  it  had  been  for  her  ,  and  for  the  first  time  since  those  damned  photographs  came  out  ,  something  finally  felt  stronger  than  the  anger  and  the  sadness  and  the  confusion  .  

the  love  she  had  for  kieran  walsh  came  without  conditions  ,  and  somewhere  along  the  way  ,  he’d  learned  to  love  her  back  just  the  same  .  

unconditionally  .

the  only  thing  she  felt  absolutely  certain  of  was  that  no  matter  what  lay  behind  the  photos  and  the  rumors  ,  no  matter  if  he  hadn’t  listened  to  her  and  she  hadn’t  listened  to  h​​im  ,  no  matter  how  angry  or  sad  or  confused  she  was  :  she  LOVED  him  .  more  than  anything  .  more  than  anyone  .  she  had  for  years  ,  and  she’d  continue  to  do  so  for  always  .  

unconditionally  .  flaws  and  all  .  

“  fuck  ,  ”  she  swore  ,  hands  pushing  back  loose  strands  of  hair  as  teary  eyes  made  the  room  blurry  ,  “  i’ve  really  gone  and  made  t’is  worse  .  ” 

because  the  night  before  he’d  left  ,  he  told  her  flat  out  that  there  wasn’t  ANYONE  else  .  he’d  told  her  that  he  wouldn’t  LEAVE  her  .  .  .  that  she’d  have  to  break  up  with  him  herself  to  get  rid  of  him  .  he’d  traced  the  edges  of  her  features  and  whispered  that  he  didn’t  WANT  to  leave  her  .  he’d  held  her  face  and  told  her  that  he  belonged  to  HER  .  he’d  kissed  her  and  swore  that  she  made  him  happy  ,  that  he  only  ever  needed  her  .  

that  couldn’t  be  UNDONE  by  a  set  of  photos  .  it  couldn’t  be  undone  by  a  girl  with  ill  -  intentions  .

it  could  only  be  undone  if  the  SPACE  evan  asked  for  became  wider  and  more  permanent  ,  and  she  couldn’t  imagine  the  misery  .  she  couldn’t  imagine  a  future  without  him  .  no  matter  what  the  truth  was  .  

because  she  loved  him  ,  unconditionally  and  relentlessly  .  

“  i  t’ink  ––  .  .  .  ”  she  blinked  away  a  few  tears  ,  feeling  them  damp  on  her  cheeks  as  her  mother  came  into  focus  ,  “  i  have  to  go  see  him  .  ”

her  flight  to  new  york  was  booked  within  the  hour  .

[purpleiri]

Xu Mo: Mini-House Level 30 Scenario

You will be able to unlock this scenario after reaching level 30 with Xu Mo in the mini-house feature. Featuring big mood MC, Xu Mo playing along, and a little surprise at the end.

Please do not re-post my translations.

I’m not a professional translator. I do not claim that my translations are 100% accurate.

Original video by Edithlllzj on bilibili. I am subbing and re-posting it with permission.

I hope that you’ll enjoy watching/reading the scenario! Text-only version under the cut.

After hearing Xu Mo repeatedly reassure me that he doesn’t mind the “real me”, I have let go of my inhibitions little by little in front of him—I would casually lie on his lap as I put on a sheet mask, make all sorts of funny faces to make him laugh, persuade him into watching variety shows with me during the weekend, and even subtly wipe my tears on the corner of his shirt during emotional scenes…

Indeed, he has never shown even a hint of dissatisfaction with this side of me—on the contrary, I could tell that he was enjoying it. Under his indulgence, the last of my image was worn down by the slumbering lazy worm in me.

Xu Mo: “Little lazy worm, five minutes have already passed. Are you ready to wake up now?”

I opened my bleary eyes with great effort, and the first thing that came into view was Xu Mo’s face, which was extremely close to mine.

MC: “Uhh……”

I shamelessly burrowed myself into the covers and rubbed my head against his chest playfully. Like a koala, I hung onto him by wrapping my arms and legs around his body.

MC: “Yesterday I was up until three in the morning working on the proposal…… let me sleep for just five more minutes, just five more minutes……”

Unable to move, he could only follow my position and snuggled under the covers with me. He stretched his hand out and ran it through the messy hair almost covering my face.

Xu Mo: “But this is the sixth time I’m hearing these words in the past half an hour.”

It was just as he said—in the past half an hour, he has exhausted all sorts of methods trying to wake me up, but it was not difficult to see that all his efforts ended in failure. The arm that he had wrapped around my waist started moving out of the covers; alerted, I immediately grabbed onto it.

MC: “Where are you going?”

Xu Mo: “I’m not going anywhere. Didn’t I say that I’ll spend the whole day with you?”

He promised, pecking me lightly on the forehead. At the same time he picked up his phone and quickly entered something into it.

MC: “Is it work-related? Am I bothering you?”

Xu Mo: “Don’t think too much, it’s just almost time for the movie we’ve booked. I’ll change it to tomorrow’s screening, is that alright?”

“And then we’ll just sleep at home the entire day?”

Although his suggestion was very attractive, I suddenly remembered the reason why “the movie must be seen today”.

MC: “No way! This movie will stop screening tomorrow! If we don’t go and see it today, then we really won’t have a chance to see it anymore!”

“If we drive there later, we can still make it! But before that, let me sleep for five more minutes.”

“Just five more minutes and I’ll wake up……”

As I spoke, I pressed myself against his warm chest once again—but this time I was unexpectedly pushed away gently.

Xu Mo: “Weren’t you awake just now? Hmm?”

He grabbed my wrist and rolled over, trapping me underneath his body. His face, which has always been as gentle as the spring breeze, remained calm. However, there was also a hint of coercion among those features.

Xu Mo: “Go ahead and sleep, I’ll get up first and prepare for a bit.”

MC: “Eh…… Xu Mo?!”

Not paying any attention to my cry, he got off the bed and left the bedroom without once turning back. Left alone in the middle of the double bed, I woke up instantly and realised then how unreasonable I was being.

Although the fault lies with me, my pride held me back from chasing after him immediately. I sat on the bed angrily, crossing my legs as I hugged a pillow. Using the pillow as an audience, I pouted and started complaining to it.

MC: “Isn’t it normal to want to sleep in on such a nice weekend?!”

“I only just slept an extra five minutes six times anyway……”

“Although now it does sound like I really went too far……”

“But! He was the one who told me to be myself in front of him!”

“And yet when I gathered the courage to be myself in front of him, he couldn’t accept it anymore. Big liar!”

I squeezed my palm into a fist and vented my anger out on the pillow. Suddenly, I heard a familiar chuckle coming from right outside the door.

Xu Mo: “I just went out for a while and you’re already tattling on me to the pillow?”

When I thought about how he must have heard all of my complaints, I felt so ashamed that I wanted to hide—I pulled up the blanket beside me and wrapped it around myself tightly.

Xu Mo: “In what way did I not accept you? Hm?”

As I listened to his voice getting closer with each step, I could not help but pull the blanket a little tighter around myself.

MC: “You clearly abandoned me and went out, and yet you still say you didn’t!”

Xu Mo: “Who said that I went out because I couldn’t accept you?”

When he could not find an opening, he simply lifted both me and the blanket into his arms. I struggled like a fish out of water, but he only held me tighter and tighter.

MC: “Let go! I’m almost out of breath!”

Xu Mo: “Then come on out from inside.”

MC: “……I’m not coming out!”

Amidst all the struggling, an opening appeared at the corner of the blanket. Before I had the time to cover it back up, he grabbed it with one hand and tugged.

The thin white blanket landed on my head like a veil.

He reached a hand out towards the back of my head as his other hand cradled my face, which was covered thinly in sweat. He wiped it gently.

Xu Mo: “Look, your face is flushed red. What if you’d gotten feverish?”

Still on a roll, I wanted to refute, but I caught sight of his worry-filled eyes. I looked away petulantly and spoke angrily.

MC: “I don’t need you to care.”

Xu Mo: “What if I say, I just want to care?”

“Whether it is the usual smart and capable ‘you’, or that little lazy worm ‘you’ from earlier—it doesn’t matter which ‘you’ it is, I accept it all.”

He gently caressed my still heated face, and at once I lost all will to struggle. I slumped bonelessly into his embrace.

Xu Mo: “How about it? Do you still want to sleep for five more minutes?”

Shaking my head fiercely, I pressed onto his shoulders and spoke seriously.

MC: “Not sleeping anymore! I will get up right now!”

“If I ever laze around in bed again, you have to stop me! You can even get angry with me!”

Xu Mo: “But this is quite difficult…”

MC: “Do you have such little faith in me?!”

Xu Mo: “Rather than not having faith in you, I just don’t believe that I could ever get angry with you.”

He wrapped both of his arms around my neck and pulled me into his embrace.

Xu Mo: “How about we change it like this?”

“If you ever laze around in bed again, I’ll do this—”

Taking advantage of the situation, he gave my collarbone a small bite. Although it didn’t hurt, it would definitely leave behind a very obvious mark!

Xu Mo: “This kind of little punishment… what do you think?”