#i just want this period of my life to be over so i can like. chill and blog and journal and do all the things i usually do
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Moon in the Zodiac Signs
I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed making this post for you! Feel free to tip me using the link on my profile if this resonates; feedback is appreciated always! Any queries related to payment can be addressed through dm.
~ MOON in ARIES ~
(moon in 1st house)
People with moon in Aries are dynamic, energetic and excitable. Always up for new things be it car rides in the middle of the night or diving head first into new relationships. They kind of know the flame can burn out quickly so they like to take things fast. Since Aries is ruled by Mars (planet of the God of war), their emotions can be turbulent. Can be quite temperamental and combative at times. They also calm down just as quick and may not even realise the effect their outbursts can have. They have this burning desire to do something that's never been done before but they might need outside motivation to follow through with those dreams. People with Aries moon are truly authentic and usually love showing that to people proudly. They can also be very reckless and impulsive at times, and as fun as this makes them to be around, it can also create problems for them later. Their childlike nature, when it comes to freaking with emotions, might wanna push the negative or dark ones away, locked safely in a drawer, as they only want to focus on the positive. While it's a great thing to be positive, dealing with trauma and suppressed loss/hurt is equally important and is the only way to grow, to allow the positivity to come into your life. Can also be impatient and fidgety. Meditation or just sitting in silence, listening to calming music would definitely help in such times rather than acting out of anger or frustration.
~ MOON in TAURUS ~
(moon in 2nd house)
The ones who have moon in Taurus like to feel stable and secure when it comes to emotions. Taurus is the Moon's favourite sign to be in, some say. This gives you an exceptionally strong emotional foundation and the ability to create an environment that makes you (and others) feel safe. For you, creating a life of comfort and safety is a priority, as is surrounding yourself with beautiful things. You are patient and have a slow and steady kind of vibe. In fact, your approach is one of the most methodical of all Moon signs. Those born with a Taurus moon are satiated by cozy environments, delicious meals, and expressions of luxury. The Taurus moon is a creature of habit and will always prefer stability over change. A Taurus moon can provide grounding, especially in combination with an emotional water sun sign. You tend to store your feelings deeply within, making you slow to adapt to change and often resistant to letting go of emotions. Inversely it can even lead to holding onto grudges for an extended period. When a Taurus is immersed in satisfying experiences, all is right in their world. You take your relationships seriously, and want to feel a sense of deep, abiding kinship with your partner. You are very loyal to your closed ones. You get great satisfaction in helping others and providing all securities to closed ones. Do not go overindulging in materialistic pleasures though. There is a need to be pampered by your partners especially and while there is nothing wrong with that, make sure your needs are voiced as you may think this is something that should be done by default. Added with your inability to express emotions clearly at times is a recipe for misunderstanding.
~ MOON in GEMINI ~
(moon in 3rd house)
Gemini Moons navigate the world with an agile mind and a flexible personality. They have an innate ability to adapt to varying situations and often showcase a remarkable talent for communication and storytelling. Gemini Moons' natural curiosity drives them to constantly learn and absorb information. This trait makes them incredibly interesting and engaging conversationalists who can discuss various topics. While they may not always wear their hearts on their sleeves, Gemini Moons possess a deep emotional intelligence. They understand and process their emotions through thought and communication, often seeking to discuss their feelings with trusted friends or family. Gemini Moons thrive in careers that allow them to utilise their communication skills, satisfy their curiosity, and offer variety. Their career choices reflect a blend of their innate need for communication, diversity, and intellectual engagement. One of their most defining characteristics is their social nature. They thrive in social settings, easily making connections and friendships. Their ability to adapt their communication style to different people makes them highly likeable and approachable. At times, your feelings can sometimes be as restless as your thoughts. This is especially true when drama arrives, life gets challenging, or you need to make important decisions. By truly getting in touch with your own feelings, you allow for the influence coming from the Moon to balance your intellect with your intuition.
~ MOON in CANCER ~
(moon in 4th house)
If you're a Cancer moon, your relationship with yourself can be a little complicated. You know that you're a good person who is thoughtful, smart, and an excellent friend, but you'll also struggle with self-doubt. All Cancers, whether sun or moon signs, have a tendency to get caught up in negative feelings and general moodiness. A Cancer moon can also keep you emotionally distant from others so that you don't have anyone close to you to cheer you up. Even if your sun sign is known for cheerfulness, your Cancer moon can make it challenging to really feel great about yourself at times. Fortunately, however, these moods never last long, and you'll go back to remembering all the great things about yourself. For Cancer moons, comfort is all about old favorites: friends, food, pastimes, etc. Their ideal way to relax is by rewatching their favorite show in the comfort of their own home, possibly with a best friend or two. When looking for comfort, Cancer moons don't want to try the hot new restaurant or trendy new show: they want tried-and-true things they love. For Cancer moons, comfort also often means alone time. Although they value their close friends, having a Cancer moon sign means that you often need to be by yourself in order to fully relax and recharge. This can cause you to cancel plans with others at the last minute. It's important to be careful not to do this too often lest you damage the relationships you've worked so hard to develop. If you have a Cancer moon sign, your greatest fear is likely appearing vulnerable. if Cancer moons did make an effort to share their struggles, they'd find that their close-knit group of friends would be more than happy to help without judgement.
~ MOON in LEO ~
(moon in 5th house)
With a Leo moon sign, you may be gifted at interpreting beauty and meaning for the people around you in creative ways. People will learn from your unique perspective on the world. If youâre a Leo moon sign, itâs important to pursue outlets for your creativity and share your creations with others. Leo moon signs are typically warm and generous. They have an inner light and want to let that light shine on others. Leo moon signs often make others feel seen, included, and important through their wellspring of inner warmth. If youâre a Leo moon sign, youâll thrive when you channel your energy into helping others. With all that bright energy, Leo moon signs often enjoy being in the spotlight. Leo moon signs are often the center of attention, entertaining others with their good humor, quick wit, and unique perspective on life. Every moon sign comes with some drawbacks, and the Leo moon sign is no exception. Leo moon signs can sometimes be a bit bossy. Your relentless energy and confidence can come across as somewhat aggressive, even though theyâre usually just trying to make sure things get done. In relationships of all kinds, itâs important for Leo moon signs to take a breath and read the room. Not every occasion requires a Leo moon sign to take charge, and sometimes itâs important to let other moon signs shine for a little while. Always remember that confidence works best when paired with a strategic mindset and ability to problem solve. To succeed, itâs important for Leo moon signs to recognize when theyâre being overly confident and, most of all, to remember that asking for help isnât a bad thing.Â
~ MOON in VIRGO ~
(moon in 6th house)
People born with the moon in Virgo are sensitive and sympathetic souls. You are likely curious about the world around you, service-oriented, organized, analytical, and refined. The natural curiosity of those born with a Virgo moon sign is nearly unmatched anywhere else in the zodiac. People with this placement in their birth chart are eager to learn as much as they can about the world and people around them. With a quick mind, they absorb information on a wide range of topics like a sponge. These individuals are likely to have many different interests and hobbies over the course of their lives. This might mean that one day they take up pottery, and the next they learn how to fix their own cars. More than any other moon sign in the zodiac, people born with a moon in Virgo need to feel useful to others. This drive towards being of service is a deep emotional need, and it must be met for them to feel a sense of self-worth. Even if they donât choose a job that is service-oriented, people with a Virgo moon sign still feel the need to help make life better for those around them. They may do this by volunteering at a local homeless shelter, mowing the yard of an elderly neighbor, or simply by doing their partnerâs laundry without complaint. Having a home, family, friends, good health, an interesting job, and financial stability are some of the most cherished dreams of individuals with this moon placement. While other, more flamboyant signs may find this to be modest (or even boring), people born with the moon in Virgo know that these things are key to being content--and they believe that when we have realistic goals, weâre more likely to achieve them! With excellent critical thinking skills, you can analyze situations, processes, and people so that you can optimize them.Â
~ MOON in LIBRA ~
(moon in 7th house)
Having a Libra moon sign will make even the most pessimistic sun sign feel that the world isn't so bad after all. And, since you're part of the world, you must be pretty great yourself! Your solid sense of self-esteem, however, won't allow you to rest on your laurels. You can sometimes be hard on yourself when you feel you aren't doing enough to make the world a better place, but, even in those moments, you're confident that you're a good person who is doing your best. Libra moons generally have two overarching fears: being alone and making the wrong decision. Even if your sun sign is introverted, having a Libra moon sign will push you a bit towards extroversion. You might love the idea of spending time alone, but do it too much and you'll really start to crave the company of other people. At times, you'll also fear making the wrong choice. Having a Libra moon sign means you care deeply about fairness and making things as equitable as possible for people. While these are noble goals, sometimes you believe in them so strongly that you freeze up when it comes time to make a decision because the consequences of making the wrong choice seem so big. Being around people who care about you can usually help keep these fear at bay. For Libra moons, it's not so much what they're doing that brings them comfort, it's who they're doing it with. The more people around them, the happier they are. If your sun sign trends towards introversion, your natural instinct may be to hole up alone at home when you need comfort. However, try gathering a group of friends around you next time; it might be just the thing to raise your spirits!Â
~ MOON in SCORPIO ~
(moon in 8th house)
To say that people born with a Scorpio moon feel everything strongly is an understatement. No other moon sign in the zodiac experiences emotions as deeply or intensely. Everything they feel is amplified with this placement. When they are sad, the world is ending. When they are happy, theyâre over the moon. When they love, they love for life. And if theyâre betrayed-look out! These folks want all or nothing-meaningless relationships arenât fulfilling, and they donât do things halfway. They tend to seek out intense emotional experiences to test their own strength and resolve, and to stir up emotional excitement. while these people feel intensely, they also put a lot of effort into keeping their emotional storms private and their deepest feelings a secret--even from those they love and trust the most. These persons have intense likes and dislikes, and incredibly strong convictions. Once they become devoted to an idea or activity, they may feel a nearly uncontrollable drive to pursue it. Although they may have many and varied interests over the course of their lives, these individuals will go after each with single-minded determination. People born with the moon in Scorpio have a natural instinct to plumb the depths of themselves and others. They'll test those they care about to prove their loyalty and authenticity, sometimes unintentionally. They value honesty in themselves and others, and fear betrayal more than anything else. And because they are so insightful, intelligent and astute, theyâre able to sniff out the truth in every situation. moon in Scorpio will constantly go through processes of âdeathâ and ârebirthâ in their lives, reinventing themselves time and time again.
~ MOON in SAGITTARIUS ~
(moon in 9th house)
Having a Sagittarian moon sign means you're well aware of your positive traits, and you're confident that you have what it takes to take on the world and generally succeed in life. In contrast to many other moon signs, the issue with having a Sagittarian moon isn't self doubt, but rather thinking that you can do anything, even when something is beyond your skills or just plain unsafe. But as long as you can keep those tendencies in check, your high opinion of yourself is generally well deserved. The biggest fear of a Sagittarius moon sign is loss of control. Sagittarians highly value their independence, and anything that seems like it will rob them of the freedom to make their own decisions is enough to make them panicky. And if your moon sign is Sagittarius, you likely see a loss of control in a lot of situations: long-term relationships, debt, an uninspiring job, etc. When you get close to someone and they realize you struggle with the idea of giving up your independence, it can cause problems if you don't work to overcome this tricky trait from your moon sign. With a Sagittarius moon, you are happiest when life is exciting, and if you're getting an adrenaline rush, that's even better. However, Sagittarius moon signs must feel in control in order to truly be comforted, so you'll want to be the one calling the shots for whatever crazy plans people decide on. Having a Sagittarius moon sign means that you often see close relationships (particularly romantic ones) as smothering. Instead, you prefer a wide circle of acquaintances for whom you never feel the need to make compromises.
~ MOON in CAPRICORN ~
(moon in 10th house)
Capricorn moons are always thinking about how their knowledge and skills can be applied in real situations to get things done. Capricorn moons enjoy stability and living in an ordered reality, which motivates them to use their time and resources in sensible ways. While very intelligent, Capricorn moon signs wonât spend a lot of time ruminating over ideas. Theyâll weigh the evidence efficiently then make an uncomplicated plan of action-a skill that friends, family, and employers will value in them. According to them, accomplishing goals requires a consistent thoughtfulness that only the most dedicated people possess. This means that they tend to gravitate toward others who are as serious about getting things done as they are, which may lead them to build up a network of highly skilled and accomplished friends and fellow professionals. Their dedication and drive often give Capricorn moons many opportunities for leadership and advancement at work, and their diligence earns them the respect and admiration of their peers. This moon sign can also be counted on to be responsible for major projects because theyâre highly attentive to all the minutiae of a situation. They believe that success is determined by how effectively a person attends to the details. Capricorn moons can definitely benefit from integrating some self-compassion into their perceptions of themselves. Contrary to your belief, perfection isnât attainable, so itâs important for you to be dedicated to being kind to yourself, too.Â
~ MOON in AQUARIUS ~
(moon in 11th house)
Aquarius is known for being unconventional, bucking tradition and social norms in favor of staying true to who they truly are-even if that person comes across as a little bit eccentric. Being totally, authentically themselves can make an Aquarius moon sign feel content and whole. Their dedication to true self-expression opens them up to authentic connections with others, making this moon sign both an intriguing and loyal friend. Because of their open-mindedness, an Aquarius moon sign can be an exciting conversation partner. Aquarius moons want to share what they learn with the people in their lives, and theyâll be eager to explore new ideas and perspectives with the people they care about. Aquarius moons are highly emotionally motivated by injustice. Their hearts break for people whoâve been dealt a bad hand, and theyâll do whatever they can to help create a world thatâs a better place for everyone, especially those whoâve been overlooked by society. Turning toward the facts can also help Aquarius moons process their feelings about injustice in the world. When this moon sign engages in social justice efforts, they do what the evidence suggests is best for that situation. Aquarius moons are emotionally fulfilled when they stay true to themselves. This often leads them off on solo adventures and in pursuit of new knowledge simply for the sake of their own enrichment.Â
~ MOON in PISCES ~
(moon in 12th house)
People born with their moon in Pisces are sensitive and compassionate souls. They simply know what they are going through on a deep, emotional level. Because they can step into anotherâs shoes and sympathize so easily, people with a moon in Pisces are often non-judgmental, which makes them excellent listeners and shoulders to cry on in times of need. They feel so intensely that they may even cry with you! Conversely, it may be harder for them to recognize and meet their own emotional needs. They easily see the meaning behind the body language and word choices of others, and keeping things a secret from them is practically impossible. They know what people need in order to be content and fulfilled in life, AND they can see when our current realities donât meet those needs. Having a Pisces moon makes people strongly attuned to and deeply affected by art of all kinds. So, if your moon is in Pisces, and you donât currently have a creative outlet, get out there and start exploring your options! It will probably be a super fulfilling experience for you. Their idealism, empathy, and compassion mean that they dream of the perfect love connection. But their ability to see the potential in the people and situations around them can make them think they have found their ideal match, when they actually havenât. Occasionally those born with their moon in Pisces will need to escape into their own beautiful fantasy world. This can take the form of creating a safe physical space to be alone for a while, or it can mean immersing themselves in their own art and daydreams.Â
#aesthetics#astrology#aesthetic#zodiacsigns#zodiacposts#just-astrology-stuff#cancer#scorpio#gemini#leo#aries#moon sign#Taurus#Virgo#Sagittarius#Aquarius#Capricorn#Pisces#Libra#astrology readings#just astrology stuff#extra long reading just cause<3#moon in aries#moon in taurus#moon in the zodiac signs#moon in leo#moon in libra#moon in scorpio#moon in gemini#moon in cancer
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
28 October / I think itâs gonna be okay guys !
#IM GONNA REGRET POSTING MY INSANELY SLEEP DEPRIVED MUG#but this way yâall can experience the glow up with me over the next 4 months#plus only like 7 of yâall will see this atp anywayaasss so im still faceless on my Main heheheeeee#Btw my hair is naturally curly and I swear the shitty fringe I cut the other day looks better on my curly hair LMAO#but I randomly straightened it today#also usually have a septum piercing but Iâm going through a phase where I want it gone LolLl itâll b back likely#itâs literally still in my nose rn just hiding#proof I went outside !!#october#24 DAYS LEFT BEING 24 TOMORROW HELP#idk y I thought posting face reveal gonna make yâall hate me but oh well#probs bc I been in my flop era too long and im projectingg#also period rn makin me feel so gross but idgaf imma try get back into life#ahahahahahaahaha y m I posting my crusty ass rn idk im silly#also the more I look at these pics the more I hated myself so Iâm never gonna look again LOLol#someone make me quit yappin arghhhkfbthtn#ily#hope ur day is slaying#YAKULTII
80 notes
·
View notes
Text
it was just going to be a few warmup doodles but then she infected the rest of the page like the ever eternal and spreading spores. hod!!! hod. hod :)
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#hod#hod lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#I GUESS i almost forgot i drew her box form#lobcorp spoilers#and michelle actually. ..#both very tiny. itty bitty. microscopic#other sephirah there too as normal. i cant have her alone. and Angelina as well on the top patting her#i have a hard time fully capturing her for some reason. in my mind. maybe its because is the disconnected period!!! mentally#she genuinely wishes to care and be kind yet theres a dissonance with what she does..? or how it ends up being taken or what she does to en#up bringing those actions into reality. she can be forceful? wanting to have employees attend therapy sessions and meetings for suppression#tactics. which i think is also something the safety team is incharge of iirc. so that means shes doing way more that what she needs to on#her job as a sephirah. just for the sake of employees#she really does care as shes one of the only to Directly attempt to change their circumstances and quality of life and health#sure chesed doesnt punish employees when they dont do their work assigned or stress them out with work#but he doesnt actively push to attempt to make changes to aid employees besides the research perks which is to the manager#yesod IS right next to her and does also genuinely care but when it comes to employees hes distant at best when it comes to them and the#way he tries to protect them is by enforcing rules but he doesnt really create or attempt to help them like hod does#yesod is sort of a passive? way of doing it. yes he doesn make a push to enforce said rules but he doesnt make new ones. just follows what#is already there in place. hod tries to make new ways and not just for the safety of people like how yesod's has them physically fine and#not letting them over a certain threshold of mental corruption but she tries to have a program to Directly Address such a thing#its born out of care but the genuine worry of being a good person and her naivety ends up having it do more harm than good#sure there may be some employees that actually like and find it useful but so many are just accepting to their fate of Dying to where#her care seems pointless. shes a sephirah and to them a literal metal box why would they go ahead and feel bad for what an 'ai' is feeling#as she is interrupting their free time in the company#which is rude. and shit. iirc the counseling is compulsory but people go because shes a sephirah and their superior. the thought was there#but again it comes off wrong and ends up not working because shes their superior in the end#EEK!!! yeah... hod. the hod. there is WAY more but i can't fit it all here and i already typed enough
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad đ
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
girls wake up there's a new worm bike playlist in progress
alana said the new one is way more funky, I've noticed a lot of punk bands are piggy dippin in a funk/punk sound more than a pop/punk sound and honestly? I'm so obsessed.
#its only like half done but ive already had it on repeat for 2 months#truly a I love this song! oh yeah i added it ass playlist#ever since going public with the worm bikes i am more conscious of how incohesive these playlists are#i can have songs bordering on e boy trap music noise alongside what is basically a pop song alongside screamo#but the point was never to have a cohesive sound or vibe. it was to collect new music in one place#and it does that effectively for me even if not everyone who seeks them out has the same taste#also a seperate thought to make these tags extra long: some of them ARE more cohesive and that's the funny part#you can tell my moods of the time or what i was seeking in song. one of them is full of songs about cutting off abusive parents and#simultaneously songs about being happy having a good time healing and starting over#like in a convoluted way that is cohesive and poetic#idk just weird to look back and be able to identify periods of my life with the music i collected now that theres so much of it#wish i could hard copy it but some of these songs are so obscure i feel like it's unrealistic#but i do want to have copies of my VIP list#okay sorry for the long ass rambling tags byyyyeeee
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have Got to get more transgender
#100% ŃĐ”ĐșŃĐ”ŃĐœŃĐč ĐŽĐœĐ”ĐČĐœĐžĐș лДĐČŃ ĐРЧĐĐąĐĐ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
(guy whoâs literally nocturnal): i didnât realize i was doing that badly
#my friend came over and did my dishes today#and they told me that this is the worst theyâve ever seen my executive dysfunction#and like. they saw me through college so theyâve seen some shit#but perhaps my inability to get out of bed for like th entirety of the time since Iâve moved isnât just me being weak and lazy#maybe itâs the logical response to me being off my adhd meds and not having blood going to my brain when I sleep since my retainers stopped#working. maybe Iâll be fine soon#and either way. the fact that i have a friend here to see me and help me figure shit out is just#like fucking me up. i am soooo isolationist and like. I truly canât even think about the fact they came over and did my dishes cause i know#itâs gonna hit me and im gonna start sobbing#like they came over and i lied down on the floor and they kept being like âhow can i helpâ and i kept saying âyou donât need to Iâll do itâ#but kept laying on the floor#and so they just started doing my dishes#and like god. I canât handle that. this person has consistently been one#one of the kindest people in my life and they never just tell me to snap out of it?#and like theyâre always there for me specifically during tech week and itâs like no this is my own fault I chose this#anyway I feel like thereâs something fundamentally wrong with me and I want to tear myself up until I find the culprit and stamp it out#but im just trying to lie in bed and focus on the fact that somehow im loved even though i donât deserve it#anyway I really hope my period is coming because if im just being this insane for fun thatâs fucked up
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I need to print out or pin that post somewhere about taking breaks from dnp to just like focus on your own life bc theyâll always be there Iâve been an avid viewer since 2014 only taking a small break sometime in between the hiatus but obviously like everyone else my online phannieism has come back full force since the comeback i only started using tumblr again around december but I would use another blog just to lurk and like posts I made this blog less than 2 months ago which is insane to me I feel like Iâve lived a thousand lives since then and itâs been so much fun being able to interact with other phannies and share my thoughts in a way that I havenât interacted with the phandom since like 2015 but it has also rapidly increased my brainrot i already spent most of my free time just rewatching old videos and edits but Iâve noticed since like gamingmas my mind is constantly occupied with dnp and posting and whether my ask got answered and like Iâm unemployed lmao so itâs all fun and games to a certain point but Iâm also a student and I genuinely think me being weak and flawed in the brain and getting easily distracted has derailed me in my last semester of uni which is kind of not good Iâm like oh lol itâs so funny and relatable I just love dnp!!! but thereâs also phannies in med school and other stuff which is great and I genuinely feel like Iâm holding myself back personally and professionally with how much time I spend thinking about them again I donât think itâs a bad thing I just need to train myself into being More Normal and maybe blocking off times for blogging and watching and actually focusing on my life yâknow
#this makes me sound so pathetic but Iâm being honest a lot of my time revolves around them and thinking about them#I think another thing is that I get a rush from people liking my posts but Iâm not in any phannie group chats#or have irl friends I can talk to them about#I think at least that would make it easier to get thoughts out instead of having to consider how I want to write them out for a post#i also only lurk on phannie twit bc some posts are fun but you have to be way too involved on there#any time in my life Iâve been an active twitter user in a fandom has been the worst most unproductive high screen time periods of my life#canât have that rn tumblr is enough fun and distraction for me#I already know Iâm not going to take my own advice lmao itâs not like an addiction I do have a life outside of dnp#they just make me happy and all their content is so comforting#nightly over sharing over sorry to anyone reading this I have enough shit to journal about this blog is my phannie journal#i say all this while knowing I have an assignment due tomorrow but Iâm about to make tit tour bracelets#and rewatch massive pizza mukbang 2 for the 4th time#yolo#dnp#my thots
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
doing really bad in ways i canât talk about which is making it worse
#just cancelled a meeting so i could cry in the office LMAOOOOOOO đ„°đ#purrs#the mortifying ordeal of my therapist being on her honeymoon rn đčđčđčđčđč#i think i am just a bad person and my needs hurt people who need me. and itâs not fair to them and idont know what to do with that.#i think i may have to move out sooner than i am ready to and not listen to anyone telling me to keep waiting. this is not sustainable. itâs#not sustainable for my family because i hurt them with my needs. and itâs not sustainable for me to be unable to need and get what i need#without hurting them. i think whatâs so hard about this is that i have to do it alone and everyone is against me doing it but i have to do#it anyway. i donât know. i donât want my sister to see this and get hurt. if you do see this im sorry i canât be what you need. im sorry my#needs hurt you. but theyâre needs. i have to be selfish even though my brain is screaming at me in your voice that i donât. i just need to#escape it all. i am allowed to need independence and alone time and im sorry i was cruel about asserting it but i need to assert it and no#one at home understands why but I need to. im not talking coherently i just feel so wretched and sick to my stomach with guilt and grief and#frustration and shame and i have to facilitate a huge session in an hour and a half.#delete later#like my friends / mutuals / mentors / etc can tell me until theyâre blue in the face that i am not a bad person and i deserve to live an#independent Life etc etc but none of you are actually in my house and you donât see how it is and how i am the cause of all of it and how im#stuck and making things worse. and i canât summon my strength or calm down or anything. i donât know. i have to get ready for the session i#just canât even think straight. my family is right and i am also right and i canât assert my rightness over theirs. so im stuck forever.#if i could i would leave work early and go home but thereâs no one to take me home and home is actually the worst possible place to be#right now LOLLLLL. i just need to curl into a bed and cry. also im about to get my period so thats probably why im like this lol
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
He won't leave my fucking friends alone.
#tales from diana#sorry this is about that bad friend i have to break up w that ive posted abt on and off the past couple weeks/months maybe#i still have to send him that final 'i dont wanna speak to you ever again'#ive been fucking busy ok. my summer has been full of family events and obligations#i have one brother getting married and the other having a baby!!! i have a LIFE and SHIT TO DO and PPL TO BE THERE FOR other than YOU!!!#i havent spoken to him in over 2 months too and he knows it's bc i don't want to#he's so difficult bc you can't fucking tell him the truth. you can't!!! he can't handle it!!! do you know how hard it is to handle???#the things i have to do to cut him off. because he doesn't respect normal fucking boundaries. make ME feel like im in the wrong#like im the shady person and the liar.#i can't drift from him bc hell pull me back#i can't communicate w him bc he won't hear anything i have to say he'll just turn it around & make it abt himself.#he literally does not understand ppl having motivations to do things that don't relate to him#and he has no sympathy for what he does to other ppl. nothing but self-pity for how they don't like him anymore.#if he dealt w someone who put him through half of what he put ME through. no he couldn't actually.#i only allowed him to manipulate me for so long because i cared abt him. who i thought he was.#and he just point blank period doesn't care about other ppl. so he could never go through what ive gone through w him.#i feel like all this friend breakup has proven to me is that im actually a good person and it can be used against me by ppl who arent#some fucking lesson i needed to learn huh?#i hate feeling as negatively towards anyone as i do towards him. it's so hard for me not to have at least#a little spark of hope deep down for everyone. even ppl ive removed from my life before. i dont HATE them#theyve disappointed me or insulted me or mistreated me but at least their motivations seemed simple and clear#and MOST of them seemed to understand SOMEWHAT that they were in the wrong#even if they don't admit it to me or still find an excuse to hate me. whatever#i can see them as ppl who might feel remorse someday and grow from it#i do not see it in this guy. bc if you have a problem w him he'll only make it 20 times worse.#he's so selfish it genuinely baffles me to think about it. and he's one of the least honest ppl ive ever known.#he'll never see the error of his ways. i do not believe he has that capacity.#and will i say none of this to him? no#im just going to say thanks for leaving me alone these past couple months. it's been good for me.#i don't think i can continue our friendship anymore for my own sake.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like đ god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Considering taking a week off to try and get some energy back
#but i'm not sure if a break will make me worse. hmm..#i have so many projects i want to work on but my brain is just... congested and dull. no inspiration and no new ideas come out#i've been out of school for a few weeks now and i don't think i've relaxed at all. like i'm so exhausted i can barely get up the stairs#not sure exactly what's going on but i'm also dealing with other people's stressors in life rn and it's very overwhelming#i really just want to draw and write now that i have the time but i can't create anything...#hoping that after tonight i'll start to feel better. the build-up waiting for the stressful event is always the worst.#i just wish Things would stop happening? it's relentless and utterly exhausting at this point. i can't even begin to recap.....#being p much the sole supporter of a friend who is going through tragedy after tragedy while i had my own family tragedy and school#at the same time has really been....... not fucking great. in fact i'm very close to getting her bf's number so i can yell at him#to get his ass back over to canada to fucking help his girlfriend during possibly the worst time of her life. he should be here. period.#so i'm going to dinner. i'm going to help her and listen to her unload for the day because i love her. and then i'm going to sleep#for 12 hours
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
iâve been being held hostage by social situations since i got up all i wanted to do was go to get groceries & to the pharmacy for toiletries but then i ran into a neighbour at the pharmacy & then we walk to tj maxx bc he was insistent & i didnât want to be rude & then we get back to the flats like 15 min before the town hall meeting & then we go & itâs not even a real town hall so i was BEEFIN for NOTHIN & it ran FOREVER & then i ran into the 2 in the flat below me & then raid forcefed me & i got in to my room 5 to midnight đđ
#diary#like iâm just#OVER IT#I DIDNT EVEN GET THE GROCERIES đđđđ#iâve just been craving water & thatâs what iâm making myself do now like we havenât had water in forever i can feel my organs shriveling up#but i didnât even get to workout today which i was also planning on doing but the town hall went forever#like girl#ok love my neighbours but yâall âŠ#SHUT THE FUCK UP !!!!!#IM DYING#my flatmate are wonderful iâve been seeing them periodically#ok so also chinâs name isnât chin itâs CHINT bc omar asked him in class âwhat does ur name meanâ like asshole not all names mean things đđđđ#he asked jakob what his name meant & itâs that his parents wanted him to go by jake so they used the k ALSKALSKALSKALSKLASKLAKSLA#but anyway back to chint but we gossip abt food bc he bears witness to my insanity at like midnight & heâs like âur cooking ?â yes :D âright#now ?â AKSKALSKALSKAKKSAKKSALJSLA bc itâs like 1am#LIKE SIR LETS MIND OUR BUSINESS I KNOW UR ASS B COOKIN IN THAT RICE COOKER WE SEE U WE KNOW UR TRICKS#ITS STILL 1AM FOR U TOO MS TING#ANYWAY i love them & i hate my life yall i just want to be dead sooooo bad
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
still sobbing my eyes so never having a weed free night again
#personal#my door got caught on my laundry basket and crutches and i crashed against the walker i got my dad#and i want to yell at my brother how awful he is - which? either of them but mainly the broken door one#but iâve done that and it doesnât change anything let alone how i feel#and i wish my mom understood but she just hates me#and she can say she doesnât and she buys me gifts but then hangs it over my head bc weâre broke#but itâs like iâm in the wrong for my brother violently breaking my door and then is upset iâm upset he still hasnât fixed it#and this only came up bc she bought me a door accessory. BUT WOULDNT LET ME BUY A DOOR WHEN IT Orginally broke#like life is fine and all till iâm sober and remember my family is actually doesnât like me and is super mean to me#and i feel like iâm so burnt out from everything i canât even think about moving out#even tho i said fuck it that one time a few months ago#and i canât move in with either of my brothers bc theyâve deeply hurt me and i canât trust them like that#like do i think i would be safe with them and they would house me yes without question#do i think i would sooner kill myself over the pride issue of them constantly treating me like shit i canât imagine living with#or being thankful to them while still feeling like#i donât even know what i feel other than not liked or respected by my family#i know itâs lack of weed period and then just also generally living a bad life and having bad family relations but oh my god#gun to the back of my head rn please. please.#but in all seriousness first night iâve been like huh. i could definitely buy a gun. really bad since the whole dad situation#like other night i punched a mirror when i got charged from my dentist from something two years ago with no warning. no notice#like 200 bucks. so. i already dealt with that itâs some insurance shit im seeing if i can do payments or whatever but never fucking working#with them again. didnât even answer my question on why i wasnât given any notices when i had them send me the bill and insurance claims
3 notes
·
View notes