#i just want kids so bad man AGGHH

[heavnlyhetfield]

FEE. I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.

so james liked to put stickers all over his guitars, and i remember seeing one pic where he had a guitar that was just covered in stickers and drawings.

so i’m THINKING about your daughter with ajfa/black album era james making little drawings and things on stickers for his guitar. i’m going insane

WAAAAAA THIS IS SO CUTE

i’m more of a mid 90s to DM era jamie with kids kinda person but omg him playing a guitar covered in his daughters doodles 😭 him getting asked about it in interviews and laughing and saying “oh, yeah, my gf/wife got our daughter some stickers and she decided my guitar didn’t look cool enough on its own” or smth like that

[puff-mmd]

Popping up ideas like a factory lol

Ciro and Kaisei go on vacation (Real life experience version)

They are absolutely at some little bar on karaoke night, but everyone's surprised when Ciro starts signing and he actually sounds halfway decent lol. However when Kaisei chimes in to sing a duet with him, oh man. The people are like "wow a siren and a dying animal."

I feel bad for giving Kaisei an awful singing voice, but it is what it is - gotta nerf him somehow lol. He's got looks, personality, dance skills, ability to read people's emotions and motives, knows how to clean properly and cooks like a dream, but the boy cannot keep a tune.

But he still likes doing it anyways and so people are subjected to his off-key serenading.

Ciro thinks it's charming though, just because he has so much confidence in himself, even though he knows he isn't great at it.

Slides away from the singing tangent, anyways.

They would be so cute going swimming, Ciro always very cautious about how far out they go and looking out for the dolphins and sharks swimming around (even if people tell him dolphins are sweet, no, he is still going to look out for them.) Kaisei just going a little feral when he sees the crabs or other little fish and marine life. He would beg Ciro for them to go diving with the dolphins for sure. He would in general want to do all the daredevil, dangerous and fun attractions, while Ciro is constantly like "No..." but then conceding because they do have the time and Kaisei won't stop with the puppy eyes and promises that it'll be fun (which he's usually right).

Like imagine them going and looking at some huge pier ride and Kaisei is like "we gotta ride that thing" Ciro: "No I will have a heart attack and die"

--

Them going night swimminggggg, omg. They get ready to go, and its mostly deserted since it's late. As they walk along the pool's edge, Kaisei closest to the pool, Ciro decides to be a little shit and (as payback from earlier, making him go on a scary pier ride), pushes him into the pool.

Kaisei surfaces and sputters, glaring at Ciro who then, after setting down their things jumps in the pool. He comes up and pushes his hair back (god Ciro with his hair pushed back is kind of A Look), swims up to Kaisei and as he goes in for a kiss, Kaisei spits water into his face like a dolphin lol. Ciro flinches and gets all flustered before going in for an aggressive kiss anyways. The kiss gets a little heated (Kaisei pulling Ciro close and feeling him up pretty good, Ciro holding Kaisei's face in his hands and touching his neck)

Ciro pulls away for a moment and looks up to see some little kid just staring at them from the poolside. He quickly pushes Kaisei away and tries to compose himself, and the kid just looks at them like "Ew gross, kissing" before jumping in the pool and swimming away. They both cool it for a bit and splash around, cuddling up sometimes in the warm water and enjoying the night air and lights all around the pool, and out on the pier in the water.

Agghh they are so CUTE.

After the kids leave and they are the only ones left in the pool....... things might heat up again a little before a resort worker breaks them up and shoos them out lol. But they have a hotel room to return to so, winks.

At first though, they are just chilling, maybe standing out on the balcony and looking at the water, Ciro hugging Kaisei from the side and nestled into the crook of his neck. They get tired of standing, and Kaisei sits down, Ciro plopping into his lap, and deciding he wants to continue from the pool earlier. He starts slow, brushing Kaisei's bangs to the side, tracing his jaw, scratching his scalp lightly, and telling him he's prettier than any sight they could see, before leaning in to kiss him. they get all tender and sweet about each other, whispering sweet nothings in the dimly light darkness, the warm breeze and salty air complimenting their affections beautifully.

Ouuurgghhh Kaisei picking him up and carrying him back into the bedroom and laying him on the bed, crawling on top of him to keep making out,,,,

Omg what if this is their honeymoon omg omg CIRO AND KAISEI HONEYMOOOOON AHHHHHHH i am losing my mind.

Anyways got off track there, them making out.

Ohhh, but if it's their honeymoon, Kaisei saying it doesn't matter where they are, just being with him is his paradise, but the pretty scenery and warm weather sure accents things nicely. Ciro getting flustered at being complimented so genuinely so he tries to cover his face, but Kaisei is not having it, he wants to see his adorable husband's face while they make love....

Oooough I love them. I adore them so much. Crying.

[amphibious-entity]

TMBS Book 1 Brain Dump

~An Embarrassingly Long Post~

I don’t know why I’m writing this or why I’m so determined to do it. Maybe to finally assume my true form and become a mega dork on main, or maybe just for fun!

This is basically a compilation of all the main points running through my head after reading The Mysterious Benedict Society (2007) for the first time. Rather than posting a ton and spamming the tag, everything’s here in one neat package! (hopefully this gets it all out of my system rip)

Contents:

The Book Itself

The Book Itself, for real this time

The Characters

A Funny Parallel

The S.Q. Section

Lines & Scenes I Liked

Spoilers abound!

The Book Itself

Upon acquiring the first three books (don’t judge me pls), I was surprised at just how long they are. Like, they’re still pretty light being paperbacks and all, but these books are hefty lads.

The first book has this Disney+ Original Series circle thing printed on it, which is kind of unfortunate. Regardless, I love the cover illustration and yellow is actually my favorite color :D It made me weirdly quite happy whenever I saw the book lying around in my room

Also, it’s really cute how there’s a letter from Mr. Benedict at the end! (It only reveals that you can find out his first name if you “know the code”, meaning the bit of Morse printed below the summary on the back.) Shock and horror, though, as I realized I’m starting to recognize some of the letters

The Book Itself, for real this time

It’s wonderful how the tone of the book really shone through to the show adaptation. Something about the deliberateness of the aesthetic, from the set designs to the fashion to scene compositions, that really sells that particular style— like it’s very clear that this story is being told to us, rather than one we’re seeing unfold, if that makes sense.

Where that narration style stood out to me the most was the first chapter. We are told (rather than shown) how Reynie gets himself to the point of the second test, and there’s this whole twisty time maneuver for that whole sequence of events that’s really interesting

A super secret fun fact about me is that I wanted to be a writer when I was younger! So this particular balance of show vs. tell is really neat, since it runs counter to my own tendencies. The sheer amount of commas in every sentence is also kind of comforting, since Ahah, I Do That in those few serious-ish attempts at writing lol

Overall this book’s style reminds me a lot of Roald Dahl’s books, which are very nostalgic for me :D The whole “kids are more competent than adults” angle helps a lot too haha

The Characters

Oh boy here’s where I get a little bit critical! Overall I did really like this book!! it’s just that that expresses itself in all this weird “”analysis”” lol

Reynie - much better in the books than in the show

It’s sort of a lukewarm take but I feel like show!Reynie is kind of boring? He doesn’t have a lot going on flaw-wise, and obviously since he’s the protagonist he can’t have too many weird traits or else the kids watching can’t project themselves onto him as easily

(I call it the difference between an aspirational protagonist and a vessel protagonist. Going off of the Roald Dahl vibes, think Matilda vs Charlie. show!Reynie is more of a Charlie)

Thus when we get to see him really struggle with the Whisperer and doubt himself it gives him a lot more dimension, at least in my opinion

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

Sticky - my son

I’ve long held to no one besides myself and my long suffering sister that Sticky is The Best Member of the Society

He happened to hit a lot of the Bingo squares of Stuff I Like In Characters: glasses, anxious, nice :), kind of a coward but ultimately is there for his friends, etc

For some reason I don’t talk about him nearly as much as you-know-who, but I love him just as dearly

Kate & Constance - I don’t have much to say

Kate is really interesting in this book! I like how we get to see more of her depths, in particular that one passage about her belief that she is invincible being the only thing that keeps her from falling apart? :c

Also her constant fidgeting is relatable lol

Constance is somehow a lot more tolerable in the book. I think I’m just one of those people with no patience for small children, unfortunately lol

(Some of) The Adults

It’s interesting that they had such an offscreen presence for most of the book. Giving them more time was probably one of the stronger changes of the show

However if that decision was made at the expense of the white knight scenes I think the choice should have been clear

I like the way Rhonda and Number Two are written

Milligan always on sad boy hours 😔✊

The “mill again” passage is touching but kind of messes up the pacing of the getaway, at least for me. Maybe I should read it again to make sure I didn’t miss something

Miss Perumal is much better in the show. We see so little of her in the book she doesn’t function well as an emotional anchor for Reynie, imo

The Institute Gang

Jackson and Jillson serve their purpose well, and Martina was surprising to say the least. I like the direction they took her in the show! I can’t imagine how funny it must have been to watch the tetherball subplot come out of nowhere lolol

These sections were written out of sequence, so random tidbit I couldn’t fit in The S.Q. Section: I like how he stumbles over his words. relatable

Mr. Curtain

While I think I know why they decided to not give Curtain the wheelchair in the show, we were totally robbed of Actor Tony Hale’s performance for the reveal during the final confrontation

Speaking of the wheelchair, it’s such a powerful symbol of his need for control or rather, his fear of losing it

The Contrast between him and Mr. Benedict. This point is expanded on in A Funny Parallel

Mr. Benedict

Oh boy, Mr. Benedict… How do I say this

I find it hard to trust Mr. Benedict, unfortunately

I mean to say, I do in the sense that I know he would never hurt the kids, thanks to knowing that a) this is a children’s book series and b) the meta (tumblr) states that he is really nice and lovable and stuff, but seriously. Why do the kids trust him at first?? I probably missed something somewhere

I like to think I’m an optimistic person, but unfortunately I’m also super paranoid. The premise of “a bunch of vulnerable orphans team up with a strange old man” is just so odd to me I don’t know how to explain it

I don’t know!!! I really want to trust Mr. Benedict

One of the strengths of the show is that we get to see him more often, and thus he gets to acknowledge more often that the plan is weird and that he feels really badly for putting the kids in danger and that he’s trustworthy and genuine

But his lack of presence for most of the book just makes him into something of a specter, invisible and unknowable, speaking only in riddles from across the bay

Which is why the white knight scene is so important!! I loved that scene ;-;

Because here’s an actual emotional connection! We can actually see it happening, rather than only being told that it exists

Reynie asking for advice and receiving encouragement, in words that demonstrate that Mr. Benedict actually cares about him and worries about him and agghh

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

But overall this whole issue didn’t ruin my enjoyment of the book at all! It’s just ->

A Funny Parallel

Okay, ready for my biggest brain, hottest take ever??

Mr. Benedict and Mr. Curtain…. are… the same

I mean obviously not entirely, given that one is benevolent and kind and the other is… Mr. Curtain

But seriously. Genius old man seeks out children (mainly orphans) to enact a plan. Said children often end up incredibly devoted to his cause and deeply admire him this is a little flimsy

Undoubtedly that’s intentional and is supposed to show the difference between them, like some kind of cautionary tale? “Let yourself be vulnerable and let others help you, lest you turn eeeeviiillll”

I guess that’s where the aforementioned epic contrast comes in. You get Mr. Curtain, strapped into his wheelchair and hiding behind those mirrored sunglasses, terrified (but unwilling to admit it) of ever showing the tiniest hint of vulnerability, vs. Mr. Benedict, who can let himself fall knowing that someone will catch him :’)

Anyhow I have nothing against the parallels, I just think it’s funny

The S.Q. Section

The S.Q. Quarantine Thread so it doesn’t leak out everywhere else <3

I’d like to meet the emo angstlord genius who read this book and decided to make SQ into Dr. Curtain’s son. What in the world

Okay I should probably preface this by saying that I absolutely adore both book!S.Q. and show!SQ with all my heart. Somehow, despite being a completely different character in both mediums, he has managed to be one of the best characters in either and certainly one of my favorites (besides Sticky of course) in the entire franchise, despite the fact that I’ve only read the first book/watched the show so far. I am confident in this statement.

But seriously! How?? Why?? I could probably write a whole other essay about why show!SQ is such an interesting character, and the change works so incredibly well. I’m just. Baffled

Okay, focus. book!S.Q. is such a sweetheart, oh my goodness. Like, 100% one of the most endearing characters in the book. Poor guy. I don’t even know where to start!!

He just seems to be a genuinely good guy at heart, despite being technically one of the bad guys. He’s genuinely happy for Reynie and Sticky when they became Messengers and helped Kate when she “fell” and was concerned about Constance when she looked sick and how he was in that meeting with Mr. Curtain and Martina?!!? aaahhhhghgh ;-; he just wants people to be happy TT-TT

Comparing him against literally every character at the Institute is probably what makes him so endearing tbh. When everyone else is so awful to the kids, it really makes him stand out. Like a cheerful little nightlight in the worst, most humid and rank bathroom you’ve ever been in

It’s kind of pointless to theorize about a book series that’s already concluded (I think?) but. Is the implication of S.Q.’s forgetfulness supposed to be that Mr. Curtain used him in brainsweeping experiments somehow? The timeline probably definitely absolutely doesn’t line up but like. How did he get to being a Messenger being the way he is now, given how cutthroat the process is? And then of course Mr. Curtain keeps him around as an Executive because he’s fun to mess with and presumably his loyalty. I’m very curious as to how their relationship develops in the other books, if at all. Those are probably where the seeds of the “let’s make them family” logic were planted

But wouldn’t it be hilarious if the reason we don’t know what “S.Q.” stands for in the books is that he just. Forgot

Another thing that occurred to me. Given that he and the other Executives were Messengers at some point, what were their worst fears? What is S.Q.’s worst fear?? Inquiring minds need to know

One last horrible little anecdote: I was thinking about book!S.Q. while eating breakfast, as one does, and suddenly it hit me.

I want to believe The Author Trenton Lee Stewart had the name for a character, S.Q. Pedalian, and was like, “Hm! What sort of quirky trait should this young fellow have?” Because, of course, in this style of fiction every character has to have at least one cartoonish or otherwise distinguishing trait to stand out in the minds of children. (For instance, Kate has her bucket, Sticky has his glasses, Constance is angry, and Reynie is Emmett from the Lego Movie)

Anyhow, he looks around the room, searching for inspiration. Suddenly he comes across a jumbo box of plastic wrap. Completely innocuous in design, save for one line of text. 300 SQ FT.

��…large… S.Q. …feet? THAT’S IT!” i’m sorry

Lines & Scenes I Liked

In no particular order!

Sticky quotes Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Evil combination aerobics/square dancing in the gym with the Executives

Everyone being happy at the end :’)

Everyone partying after Sticky reunites with his parents, and later finding Mr. Benedict asleep at his desk from the moment they shook hands :’’)

Literally any scene with Sticky in it

Any time Kate says “you boys” or “gosh”

[“Um, sir?” S.Q. said timidly, raising his hand. “A thought just occurred to me.” / Mr. Curtain raised his eyebrows. “That’s remarkable, S.Q. What is it?”] clown prince of my heart </3

S.Q.’s determined monologue about searching for clues after he bungled up the first time

Literally any scene with S.Q. in it (please refer to The S.Q. Section)

Reynie trying to resist the Whisperer.

[Let us begin. / First let me polish my spectacles, Reynie thought. / Let us begin. / Not without my bucket, Reynie insisted. He heard Mr. Curtain muttering behind him. / Let us begin, let us begin, let us begin. / Rules and schools are tools for fools, Reynie thought.]

NO MORE HURTIN’ WITH CURTAIN

Milligan showing up on the island!!

Remember the white knight hhhhhh

“controle”

A Super Secret Bonus Section

I would be extremely surprised if anyone read through all the way down here lol. Regardless, here’s a little acknowledgements section :D not tagging anyone since I don’t want to bother all of these people

Special shoutout to tumblr blog stonetowns for unknowingly yet singlehandedly demolishing my reluctance to read the books by posting a ton of cute quotes. Thank you for your service o7

Thanks to the two OGs that liked the post I made right before this one, for being my unwitting enablers and for sticking around despite being a) technically an internet stranger (hello!) and b) someone I haven’t spoken to irl in literal years (hey!!)

Last but not least thankz 2 my sister for putting up with me ranting about the book when I first got it and for asking about “CQ” sometimes lol. (i desperately hope you’re not reading this orz)

[shirtlesssammy]

15x18: Despair

Then:

The entire fandom preparing for this episode

Now:

We literally start off right where we left off last week. Jack is a ticking time bomb. Sam hauls his nephew/son into the war room. Team Free Will freak out and try to come up with a plan. Jack wants to get far away from them. “Don’t let me hurt you.” AGGHH. We’re fine. It’s only 2 minutes into the episode, WE’RE FINE. Dean insists that they’re not giving up on him, and we love a good 180. 

Billie pops up and tells them all that she can’t stop what’s happening to Jack, but she can help. 

She sends him to the Empty where he promptly explodes. 

Billie explains to the trio that the Empty was the only place/entity that could absorb that kind of power. Jack could survive --and the Empty could survive, but it won’t be happy. Billie points out that the Empty will want her, but can’t get to Earth without being summoned (coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool). 

Billie wants God’s book back from Sam. Sam Fucking Winchester confronts Billie about her end game plans of restoring order --and sending all of them back to their death. Billie tells Sam that if they want Jack back, he’ll give her the book. 

JACK’S ALIVE!

Petty, petty, sullen Sam brings Billie the book, but throws it on the table instead of handing it to her, and we love him and his insolent little heart. 

She grabs the book and starts to open it. Cas wonders what she’s doing. 

She tells them that God’s book has a new ending. Dean’s done and wants Jack back. 

Meanwhile, the Empty recorpealizes and is D O N E. She drags Jack to her and just as she’s about to HURT HIM, he disappears. 

He’s home, but Billie claims him. Dean doesn’t like that idea so he grabs Death’s scythe before she can ditch the bunker with the kid. He slices her arm and she sends him flying. Billie disappears without the book, her scythe, or Jack. 

Later, the Brothers Winchester take a moment in the library. Dean apologizes for pulling a gun on Sam. 

(Listen, if we’re going full Bicon clown with Dean these next couple of weeks, this shot reminds me SO MUCH of the shot of James Dean from Giant.)

He also breaks down that Chuck is probably now all powerful, they’re on Billie’s hit list, Jack’s powerless, and Michael’s in the wind. They toast to their impossible odds. 

*Charlie and her cute GF Alert*

Stevie, the cutie from episode 3 is making perfect scrambled eggs for Charlie, and I’m dying inside. Charlie suggests a hunter’s date, and they smile and ARE CUTE, and I’m dying inside. The eggs are perfect, but this story isn't. Stevie just poofs away before Charlie’s eyes. 

Cut to Dean and Sam checking out Charlie’s place to piece together what happened. Charlie tells the brothers that she didn’t see or feel anything before Stevie disappeared. 

Outside, Cas waits with Jack. Cas asks how Jack is doing. 

Jack feels “strange”. He doesn’t know how to feel now that he’s not needed for the big plan. Cas assures him that he wasn’t there to get absolution from the Winchesters. “We don’t care about you because you’re useful or you fit into some grand design. We care about you because you’re you.” BRB CRYING. 

Jack is crying, I’m crying, and the world is crumbling. Jack is scared, and Cas, gripping his son’s shoulder, tells him that he’s scared too. 

Inside, the brothers tell Charlie that they think that Billie’s killing people that shouldn’t be on Earth. Charlie gets upset and admits that she promised herself that she wouldn’t do “the love thing” again. Sam gets a call from Bobby. More people are disappearing. Dean points out that no one is safe. 

Sam instantly thinks of Eileen AND WE HAVE EMOTIONS. They take off to find Eileen. 

Sam texts Eileen as they drive, but doesn’t tell her what’s up. Sam watches the dots...until they disappear. Hahahahahahah, NOPE.

They get to Eileen’s place and find her purse and phone on the sidewalk. 

She’s gone. “If I let myself go there, I’ll lose my mind.” AND WE’RE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU SAMMY. 

Sam activates action mode. He tells the others that they need to protect the other hunters from Alt World. Dean tells Sam that he should do this, but he’s going to make Billie pay. “I’ll go with you, Dean,” Cas volunteers. OF COURSE. 

We jump to a close up on Donna and her fabulous D-TRAIN license plate. Readers, I love her. She talks to Sam over the phone. She’s found a silo they can ward up and hide out in while Dean and Cas try to take out Billie. When Sam hangs up, he notices that Jack’s looking unrooted and gives him a job to do. Jack “has to drive” so that Sam can do work. Jack scooches over to the driver’s seat, ready to do something at last. Readers, I love Sam.

Dean and Cas arrive at the bunker and make plans to barge into Billie’s library. Dean plans to trash the place like a particularly unruly raccoon who breaks into a kitchen, until Billie arrives to stop them. He grabs Death’s scythe and they’re off. 

When Sam and Jack arrive at the silo, Donna tells Sam that she’s there for him - whatever he needs. 

The hunter network is on high alert, and Bobby’s got his AU crew holed away in the silo already.  Charlie pulls up, transformed from her sunset bright t-shirt into apocalypse world Charlie again.

Sam joins the crew in the warehouse and reconnects with Bobby, who immediately informs him that Sam’s the boss of the operation. When Bobby told the hunters that Sam wanted them to head to the silo, “they came running, no hesitation.” ….Excuse me, I have something in my eye. They’ve warded the whole silo with every warding they can throw at it, and Sam’s using one of Rowena’s spells (EXCUSE ME, I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE) to bolster the strength of the sigils. 

Jack and Donna are painting sigils together, when Jack notices a plant. She recommends pulling it to protect the warding, but when Jack extends his hand it withers and dies.

Dean and Cas creep into the library, where Billie stands waiting for them. Dean tells her that they’re after her because she’s been killing off his friends. Her only reply is, “Interesting.”

Dean jabs Billie in her wounded shoulder, and the pain is high enough that Dean can get the upper hand. She holds the scythe at bay with just her hand, and Dean orders her to call off the hits. Billie laughs right in his face. She’s not killing anyone! Dean’s little papercut to her shoulder is enough to kill her, so her only plan at this point is to kill herself a Winchester and go out in a blaze of vengeance. 

Sam powers up the warding in the silo, ready to defend against Billie. Meanwhile, Billie thinks Chuck’s the likely one who’s been disappearing people. Quickly enough, a little girl is the first to disappear. As her family breaks down into full freak-out mode, all the hunters hiding out in the silo flash away. ALL OF THEM.

Hey, if I have to suffer, you have to suffer.

Sam, Jack, and Donna can only watch this with horror and then Donna looks down at her hands. She smokes out too. NOOOOOOOOOO!

Billie power-smacks Dean across the room. It’s vengeance time! As much as I don’t want Those Two Idiots™ to die, it is lovely to see Billie storm around in battle-Death mode. 

Dean and Cas race into the bunker without a plan, Billie in pursuit. It’s only moments before Dean is buckling. As he collapses, we reveal Billie on the balcony. I do love how this is framed!

She’s clutching Dean’s heart in her grip and pursues them through the bunker. “I’ve got you,” Cas tells Dean as he supports him. HELP, I’ve been murdered by emotion!

Cas directs them to the dungeon, grabs Dean’s pocket knife from his back pocket (I’m FINE, btw), and slices his hand. Quickly, he wards the door with a sigil, and Dean recovers instantly.

That is, he recovers physically. Emotionally, he is in ROUGH SHAPE. While Billie pounds away at the sigil, Dean realizes that they’re trapped. He blames himself - he was angry and needed something to kill and that’s ALL HE KNOWS HOW TO DO. f r o w n y f a c e

Dean’s in a pretty bad headspace. He thinks Billie’s going to break in and kill Cas, then himself, and then EVERYBODY ELSE. He apologizes, while Cas puts his strategic commander-of-garrisons brain to work. There is ONE thing that Billie’s afraid of. 

Readers, it was at this point that Boris and I were shouting our usual gleeful shit at the TV. Things like, “Lay one on him, Cas, and the Empty can come!” And then CAS SAYS, “I made a deal.”

“Kiss ‘im,” I murmur while wondering WHAAAAAAT IS HAPPENING when Cas brings up the “moment of true happiness” requirement. At this point, I’m thinking they’re in the dungeon and it’s full of spellwork supplies probably. So, like, I guess they’ll light some quick candles and summon the Empty? 

We fall silent as Cas starts talking about FEELINGS. “The one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have.” He says this RIGHT TO DEAN’S FACE. RIGHT IN OUR FACES. “Happiness isn’t in the having. It’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.” 

We stop breathing.

And then Cas murders us forever when he shifts to talking about Dean. He knows Dean sees himself as a killer, a “blunt instrument.” But Cas sees him differently, and his way is true: Dean cares more than anyone Cas has ever met. He’s powered by love and not anger. “You’re the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. Ever since we met. Ever since I pulled you outta Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.”

Cas is crying and we are murdered dead in our beds by this show. 

Dean thinks it sounds like goodbye. “That’s because it is,” Cas tells him. And then he follows up with one last thing. “I love you.” 

And...it’s there. The love we’ve seen in his eyes for eleven seasons is there, out loud, and centered on Dean. We joke a lot at ShirtlessSammy about the need to just KISS ALREADY but this flayed us in the way a kiss could never do. It heightens everything. Castiel’s care for Dean, his loyalty and friendship now have a new layer - that of textual, unrequited love. We’ve obviously been personally clinging to the destiel train car for quite some time, but laying out Castiel’s feelings and saying it’s enough for him to acknowledge them out loud is SO POWERFUL. As a love story, it’s tragic beauty. As a personal coming out story, it’s just BEAUTY. 

For HARD TO PROCESS Science:

With this dropped between them, Dean can read the writing on the wall. “Don’t do this, Cas,” he begs. Immediately, gooey sounds begin to squish out from the brick wall behind Dean. 

The empty swirls in, and Billie breaks through the door at last. Cas grasps Dean by the shoulder. “Goodbye, Dean,” he says, hurling him away from the twin threats. 

In an instant, the Empty advances, swallowing Cas and Billie and retreating back into the wall without so much as a howdy. (Please join me for a displeased hiss at Billie’s apparent demise.)

Sam and Jack emerge from the silo, shocked. Sam tries calling Dean, while Jack looks around. Jack wonders if it was just the people in the silo who disappeared. 

The camera POV pans out to abandoned playground equipment, still-spinning bicycle wheels, and cars left behind on the road. It’s the end of the world, and suddenly the world feels too big. Too lonely.

We cut to Dean. He’s on the floor in the same place Castiel threw him. His phone rings. It’s Sam. Dean stares at it, before dropping it to the floor. He pulls himself inward, and the episode ends on the sounds of choked sobbing.

Boris and I are monsters, as WE end the episode entirely too jubilant for words. Here’s to being right! Readers, while Boris can’t fully hope for a happy ending (gotta protect that heart), Natasha has zero doubts. We’re getting them back, damn it! And love’s gonna light the way.

Never Gonna Quote Me Away (From You!):

I don’t wanna hurt you. Don’t let me hurt you.

To somehow

I wanted to make things right. And now I don’t know why I’m here

Let’s go reap a reaper

I brought a bucket

I guess this is the part where I say, “Hello, boys”

It’s you, Dean. It’s always been you. Death defying. Rule breaking. You are everything I live to set right. To put down. To tame. You are human disorder incarnate

You think that hate and anger - that’s what drives you. It’s not. Everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done - the good and the bad - you have done for love.

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