#i just tried to get my testosterone shot done by a nurse instead of doing it myself

[kiyrian]

Medical rant in the tags bc i had a terrible dag/visit/year

[testosterone-diaries]

One Year on Testosterone Update

I started testosterone on February 17, 2016, so I’m just passed a year now, and finally getting to the update/summary. I’m so sorry for the delay!

My first injection was done by a nurse at my doctor’s office, in my right thigh. I was freaking out really bad because I don’t do so well with needles, but it was quite painless, and I ended up watching what he was doing as he quickly did the injection. I had my period in that first week, so I was feeling super dysphoric, not the start I was hoping for.. and on about the fourth day, I could feel that some lower growth was starting. I had and have no idea what those specific parts were like pre-T, and actually do have some curiosity about that, but I also am comfortable enough knowing that things did change. From there, nothing really happened. My initial dose was really low, and three weeks between shots instead of 1-2, so around the tenth day I noticed it was wearing off. I think I had also slept a lot in the first few months, I was always exhausted. I noticed that I didn’t feel hungry in the way that I had expected - I just didn’t get full the way I did before, so instead of eating one bowl of cereal, I could easily eat two, or eat a bowl of cereal and whatever I otherwise would have had for my next meal. It was really weird to have that, because even when I was a kid and had a bigger appetite, it wasn’t that way. I was also munchy a lot, and had very weird cravings, but the cravings are normal for me.

After a few months, my period went away, thankfully, and then my voice started to crack. It was subtle at first, but it didn’t take too long before it was happening a lot, and even when I laughed it sounded weird. I still notice it cracking sometimes, especially if I’m really excited about something or otherwise worked up. It’s not annoying or embarrassing the way it was before though, because now it’s just a thing that will happen sometimes, not something that always happens.

I’ve had pretty bad acne all this time, I tried two or three antibiotics and a few different cleansers and stuff, but I’m on accutane right now, finally, after several months of waiting to see a dermatologist. So far so good, it’s been less than a month on accutane and even though I’ve still had a couple of breakouts and a few new cystic areas, the acne on my back and chest has largely cleared (which I only noticed this morning, I started accutane on the 1st of February). I’m hoping that by July or August I’ll be done with both accutane and acne, fingers crossed.

I went up a waist size for my jeans, gained about 40 pounds before losing 20 (between November and January I lost the weight). I have never been as heavy as I am now, but I’ve also never been as broad as I am now. The shirts I had that fit well have all been outgrown for months now, and the ones that fit a bit bigger before are now perfect/going on small. I went from being a medium to an XL most places, but it’s been almost entirely muscle. Even the weight gain has been mostly muscle, because I’m about as thin if not thinner than I was pre-T. I’ll try to post a couple photos later on from different times in my transition, to show how much of a difference it’s made for me.. I looked really young a year ago, and much more adult now.

I feel like my hands and feet might have grown, but if they did it wasn’t much, and it was in the first six months or so. I traced my handprints in August and they’re a perfect size match now, so any growth there has likely stopped.

My arms are more muscular than before, and they’ve always been quite solid from working construction for a few years. I’ve been noticing more body hair growth since about the 10 month mark, specifically my arms, back, and chest.

I’ve been able to grow a little bit different sideburns than ever before, but because they don’t grow as quickly as the rest of my hair or as slowly as my facial hair, I typically just shave them to keep things looking groomed and even, and because I don’t really know what to do when they are there. I’ve noticed that my eyelashes have changed - I have fairly light eyelashes but the last month or so they’ve been more easily visible. My facial hair is growing in much quicker and thicker, but it’s still slightly patchy, so I haven’t let it grow for much more than a week. It grows best down from the side burn area and down to my neck, and worst on my upper lip. Under my chin it grows very quickly, but on my chin it doesn’t seem interested, or above my mouth. So not quite ready for a beard yet, but maybe in a few months I’ll try!

In the last few months I’ve been noticing that my legs seem to be slimming down a little, which I’m very grateful for, and that my hips are showing differently than before. I still have the extra weight there, but that’s always been more to the back, and on the front my hips show very clearly and in different lines than I’ve seen on me before.

I’ve not mentioned this part on here before I don’t think - stretch marks. I don’t know others’ experiences with this after starting hormones, but they started out being just on certain parts of my legs and hips, and then suddenly they were there on my chest and my arms too. For quite a while I felt quite dysphoric because of them, but I’ve finally started to adjust. They come and go, every few months they’ll look really pink and fresh, and then shrink and fade to being almost invisible, but I don’t mind so much anymore. Parts of this experience involve a lot of scars, and if a few stretch marks is the price I have to pay to be on testosterone and feel more like myself than I ever have before, then that’s okay by me.

I’m not sure if I forgot anything, but if it seems like I did or there’s something you’re wondering, my messages and ask should both be available, and I don’t mind questions if they’re asked for personal reference or things like that.

Edit: I had forgotten to mention that I've been doing my own injections for several months now, every Wednesday. I alternate thighs for maximum absorption and healing both, and don't inject in the exact same spot when I can help it. At first I had to listen to music when I did my shots - I'd set a song playing on my phone once I finished drawing up and stuff, and as soon as the first lyrics were sung, I'd go. It took the countdown out of it and gave me something to focus on besides what I was about to do, and even though I did without for a little while, I'm back to playing music for my shots. There are a few tricks the nurses taught me and a few I learned on my own, but the shots are typically relatively painless still. Sometimes I'm still shocked that I'm actually okay with the injections, but I often forget that they're even a thing I do. The day of is always somewhat stressful, because Wednesdays can be my busiest days, but I think I've only been late once, and I don't notice too much for that.. I don't have the big moods before or after a shot, I'm mostly consistent/stable, and I think it's helpful to do them weekly for me rather than biweekly. If there's more wanted or needed for this update, let me know!