#i just thought the darkness would be good :-) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

notanactressyayy · 2 days ago

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·˚ ₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ 𝐮𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐞 | natasha romanoff

. ݁₊ 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦 . it was a new era of her life. she no longer had missions or a team to rely on — only endless free time, and a bunch of thoughts that weren't really helpful. Natasha for once, had time to pick up her phone — something trivial. through the dating app Tony had dared her to install months ago, she meets somebody. finally, her heart was at peace.

. ݁₊ 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 . smut! i am not responsible for your content consumption! — a TW for the photo editing thing. this may be a sensitive topic for some. lonely Nat, insecure Nat — she edits a picture of her body, swearing, oral (N receiving). lots of fluffy stuff, too. set after Civil War.

. ݁₊ 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠 . english is not my first language (🇧🇷) so i apologize for any spelling errors. this ended up SO MUCH longer than i initially planned. i put a lot of dedication into this so, yeah 🥹

thanks to my lovely @sunswish who helped me with the plot and the proofreading! ♡

The trailer was quiet, except for the faint rustle of the wind through the trees outside. Natasha sat at the small wooden table by the window, her knees pulled up to her chest, a steaming mug of tea resting untouched beside her. The Norwegian countryside was beautiful, vast and unassuming, but the stillness pressed down on her.

Her phone laid on the table, the screen dark. She stared at it for a moment, the faintest flicker of hesitation crossing her face. She’d never been good at this — being still, alone with her thoughts. For years, her life had been one constant motion: missions, battles, briefings, always moving forward because stopping meant thinking, having time to ponder about her life.

Her jaw tightened, and she looked out the window instead. What was she even doing?

She’d fought tooth and nail to become an Avenger, to carve out some sliver of redemption for herself, some sense of belonging in a world she’d spent so long working against. She’d believed in their cause, in their family, even when it meant trusting people with pieces of herself she hadn’t known she was capable of sharing.

And now? The Avengers were gone. Torn apart, like everything else she’d tried to build. She was a fugitive, hunted by the very government she’d once fought to protect. Her friends — her family — were scattered, some in hiding, some in prison. She was left with nothing but her name and a handful of private contractors who worked in the shadows. People she barely trusted, people who barely trusted her. Yet she still needed them for supplies, false documents, and a roof above her head. Funny, she thought.

She reached for her mug, her fingers curling around the warmth of the ceramic, though she didn’t take a sip. She had no mission now, no team to fall back on. No one to call when the silence became too much. She wasn’t sure if she missed the fights or the people more.

A faint vibration against the table snapped her from her thoughts. Her phone. She glanced down, the screen lighting up with a notification — some random email, one of these ‘no reply’ ones, nothing important. She hesitated, then picked it up anyway, her thumb hovering over the screen.

Scrolling through her phone felt… strange. Almost trivial. She opened Instagram, an app she barely used but kept around for the rare moments she wanted to feel tethered to something normal. The feed was full of snapshots of a life she didn’t recognize—vacations, dinners, smiling faces, people celebrating milestones she wouldn't ever have.

And right then, the name ‘Avengers’ didn’t make sense for her anymore. She was supposed to have this. This life where she would have a fun moment and think ‘oh, yes! i should absolutely shoot a pic and add to my stories’. After all, Natasha was just an unavenged girl, woman, human. A picture of a mother celebrating her daughter's birthday wasn't just one more picture showing on her feed. It was her dream.

She scrolled absently, her mind only half-engaged as her thumb flicked upward. Part of her wanted to throw the phone across the room and forget she’d ever picked it up. But another part—the quieter, lonelier part—held onto it like a lifeline.

She then receives another automatic notification. How has your love life been going? It took her a moment to remember what it was, and when she did, she let out a dry, humorless laugh.

The dating app.

She’d installed it months ago as a joke, because Tony had bet her she wouldn’t. She could still hear his voice in her head, teasing her. “Come on, Nat. You might actually meet someone who doesn’t want to kill you for once.” At the time, it was funny. She’d downloaded it, filled out the bare minimum of the profile, like: cat lover, captivating green eyes & martial arts enjoyer and promptly forgotten about it.

Her finger hovered over the icon now, her heart giving a strange, uncomfortable twirl in her chest. The idea of opening it felt absurd. What would she even say to someone? What would they see in her, beyond the scars and the lies and the mess she’d made of her life? That was made of her life? Could she even try and have a relationship? When throughout her life, she didn’t ever have a conversation about feelings? Clint was the closest attempt to that — he knew her past, more than the others, at least. So she spoke to him about things like that before. But he had a wife, kids, a home.

Natasha damned her heart every single day — for wanting a connection with somebody — for wanting to be somebody's, and for not being content with what she already has.

What does she even have?

She sighs deeply as she gathers a little bit of courage (that usually wasn't necessary when one was to open a simple app in their phone) and presses her thumb against the icon. Her eyebrows show a little frown as she realizes the app wasn’t open — she had held the icon for too long, making the options add to home and uninstall pop up on her screen.

“Goddammit,” she mutters to herself. Maybe she had done it on purpose. She considers choosing the second option. But her thumb, once again, hovers over the uninstall word for too long.

She was just confused. In conflict, with something so small. Although, she was braver than that.

“Let's just get over with this.” She mutters to herself as she finally opens the app — SparkMatch, she reads the name, for the first time. She lets out a scoff. Though the feeling of unease didn't take long before coming back to her. The about me section was completely empty, in exception for-

“Captivating green eyes. Cat lover.” she reads the words she had typed, aloud, cursing herself. It was what she had written in order to simply make the Iron Man laugh and leave her alone. “Great job, Romanoff. Truly irresistible.”

Scrolling down her profile, which was named only @Natasha1203— having in mind that her surname wasn't one to be openly shared — she finds the photos she had chosen, months ago, without really thinking much. Her gallery didn't have much cheering stuff. They were as nondescript as possible: a picture of a skyline she had taken while on the run. Her in sunglasses, her most common accessory. And.. a single closeup of her face, that felt too honest for comfort. She doesn’t know why she left that one there, for the world to stare at. Maybe it was the one moment where she caught herself looking like.. well, herself. If somebody squinted their eyes, they could see a small scar on her shoulder. She hoped people wouldn’t do that.

Summing up: the profile was a mess. And that was a perfect reflection of the person behind it. She doesn't make a move to edit any information — before remembering an important detail. It would be nice to change her profile's name, in case anybody (especially Tony, that was aware of this) tried to look for her.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203 was the new username.

Perfect. She does a little ‘tsk’ with her tongue, a little habit she developed when finishing a task.

Flirting was easy. She had been trained for it — trained in the art of seduction, molded into a woman that could slip into any persona, say the right words, touch in the right way, just to get what she needed. But this wasn't one of the spy programs she had access to in SHIELD. This wasn't about manipulation or information extracting. This was trivial. Normal.

Natasha browses through the app for a while. She stops in profiles of strangers that smiled back at her through their pictures — men, women, who were teachers, doctors, engineers. People with families and hobbies. Who had the chance to live a life without looking over their shoulders every second. Yet something about this.. gave her a warm, fuzzy feeling. It was faint, but it was there. Knowing all these little details about random folks, she could find small pieces of herself in each one: some did ballet when they were little. Some had a scar due a kitchen accident. Some did karate simply for liking the sport. Some liked peanut butter sandwiches. She quietly giggles, her previous nervousness replaced by a silly feeling.

Maybe it wasn't that bad. It is not like a random person was gonna crawl out of her phone screen and have a date right then, anyway. And there was another ‘problem’. This app was still american, while she was in a whole new timezone.

What a relief.

She shifts on the small couch of her trailer, now laying down on it, allowing herself to get entertained with SparkMatch. She even found some profiles that were probably deactivated by now, seeing that they were created, like, a decade ago. She purposefully clicked on the small heart on them, meaning Match. She softly laughs.

But the sound is interrupted by herself as she finds a specific user.

It was a minimalist profile — elegant, even. It didn't say much about the person's personality: it said enough. It wasn't extravagant or absurd like some she had found. And it certainly wasn't a mess, like hers.

Y/n. 34. Not good at small talk, but I'm a good listener. A photographer, currently traveling around. Just someone who thinks the world is too big of a place to stay idle for too long. Currently: Norway

It was truly something else, compared to the live, laugh, love bios or the gym rats flashing their abs.

Her curiosity picks up, and soon enough, she sees a picture of them in Oslo.

And it was posted just three days ago.

So they were active in this app. But this wasn't what her mind grasped. Traveling in Norway. International trips usually didn’t last just three days, right? So that meant they were still there. There with her.

Out of all countries in the world, they were there?

She reads the bio again. Currently: Norway.

A strange shiver runs down her spine the more she thinks about the situation she found herself into. She bites on her lip, her stomach twirling almost painfully, like a school girl texting her crush. She was the Black Widow, for God's sake. She didn't get to go on silly dates and receive flowers.

No. This was too much. Without closing the app, she locks the screen of her phone again and drops it to the couch, quickly standing up and running her fingers through her hair. There were many reasons why this wouldn't work, especially when she was a fugitive and could get recognized, even in a small cafe.

Heading to the tiny kitchen, she opens a drawer on the countertop and grabs a bottle opener, opening the fridge and taking a beer out. She removes the cap and downs the bottle with no second thought, the bitter liquid ripping down her throat. Deeply breathing, shakily. Amidst the vast emptiness, not only of the place she was currently settled, but of her heart too, she fought back tears. The glass of the bottle clicks against the marble countertop as she places it down, her hands tightly gripping onto the edge of the furniture, holding herself up. It was a hard decision to make, whether to take this opportunity and keep it safe in her heart, or to let it go and pretend it never happened in the first place.

But she wouldn't be able to rest tonight knowing she simply did nothing about that special person the app charitably put into her hands. So, on this night, the unshatterable Natasha Romanoff did something she never thought she would. Before heading to bed, she picked up her phone again. Gladly, she didn't have to look for the profile once more. She simply had to press onto the small heart next to their picture. And she did.

The screen flashed: It's a match!

Natasha blinked in surprise, almost dumbfounded by this message. But this was meant to happen, right? Now, she could only hope that she would receive something in return by the morning.

It felt.. good. She had something to expect, a little flicker of hope that followed her even in her dreams, that made her feel better than she could ever imagine.

And this was just the start.

♡₊˚ 📱・₊✧

When the next day came, all of Natasha’s thoughts regarding the whirlwind of recent events were replaced by a single thing: that person. That New Yorker who was currently in Norway to take photos for a personal album. She initially wondered if she could really lower her guard like this and not think too much about Secretary Ross — who was still after her — but it was not like she would leave this trailer anytime soon. Thus, she needed a distraction, something to keep her brain entertained until this whole mess was over.

Talking to them was a relief — a solace she had been needing and didn't even know until now.

Talking to you.

Right away you had seen the match notification of SparkMatch, even if it was already one in the morning when it arrived. You sent this woman- Fanny? a message, and waited, but no response came until the next day. You wondered if she had impulsively pressed the match button and ran away from her phone out of nervousness. You actually imagined it, seeing the one picture of herself she published on her feed. Her profile was.. vague, to say at least, but she was incredibly beautiful, and indeed had captivating green eyes, like she boldly described herself. It made you smirk to your phone’s screen. No, genuinely smile.

It was pretty much clear that she wasn't a dating app person. And neither were you! You just had a better sense of organization than her, that's for sure. What if you two could really be a match?

As the day went on, you two engaged into a conversation that was surprisingly enjoyable for both sides. Opening the inbox chat, that could be found:

@Y/n: Good night. Is your real name Fanny Longbottom?

— eight hours later —

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Good morning! The first thing you ask a woman is if her name is real?

@Y/n: It just doesn't suit a beautiful redhead with captivating green eyes.

Natasha groaned to herself at this, laughing. The humor in the text was evident, and she loved that.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Right. It was a joke. You can call me.. Nat.

It was a glimpse of her name. It could be Natasha, Natalia, Natalie.. or all of these.

@Y/n: Nat.. that is better. Yet still very vague. Like your whole profile.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Perhaps my whole account here is a joke.

@Y/n: And we still matched. And sincerely, I'm intrigued. Intrigued and curious.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: That’s a dangerous thing to tell someone you just met.

@Y/n: Personally, I wouldn’t call a cat lover dangerous.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Will you stop mocking me for my irresistible biography or what?

It was an easy playful banter. It felt light. Not like these conversations where you had to directly ask the other person to be nice to you.

@Y/n: You just don’t strike me as someone who spends much time on dating apps. What brings you here?

With that, she debated whether to mention Tony’s dare or not. She could talk about it, but not for now. If she’s sincere, about how much she needed not to be alone anymore, this could lead to something good, more profound.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: I’m just trying something new. What about you? Norway seems kinda away from the rest of the world.

@Y/n: It is. But sometimes you have to go far to find what you’re looking for.

Natasha leaned back, the faintest smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She didn’t know who you were, or why your words seemed to settle something in her chest, but for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, she felt.. excited.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Have you found it?

@Y/n: Not yet. But I have a feeling I might be in the right place.

She stared at the message, her mind turning over the possibilities. She was already glad that this hadn’t started with “hey, you’re cute” or “what’s up?”, and now? It felt like she was in a dream — to find someone that shared her ideals, or that at least, thankfully, sounded like a mature adult.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Maybe Norway isn’t so bad after all.

@Y/n: So you’re also here!

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: That seems like an excited message to me.

Gladly, her phone’s camera wasn’t capturing anything. Because she swore her eyes were sparkling right now.

@Y/n: Of course I’m excited, Nat. Now I have something else to think about other than shooting pictures.

Natasha stared at the reply, her fingers lightly brushing against the edge of her phone. There was something disarming about your words — direct, yet not forceful. And the way you used her name so casually made her blush.

She hesitated, before typing back.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: What do you shoot? Other than clever replies, apparently.

@Y/n: Street photography. Portraits, mostly. But I’ve been known to dabble in the occasional cat picture. You know, for balance.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Balance is important. What would the world do with no cat pictures?

@Y/n: I shudder to imagine it. Speaking of balance.. would you let me buy you coffee sometime? Or would that be too much?

Her breath caught. You really didn’t waste time, did you? she thought. For a moment, her walls threatened to go up again — she could almost hear that little voice in the back of her mind telling her that this was not a good idea, that it wasn’t smart, safe.

But she silenced it. It was too soon, for sure — but she couldn’t knock it till she tried it.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: That depends. Are you going back to New York in the next few days?

@Y/n: I don’t have a specific date to go back. So I guess it depends on how things go.

Yeah. Now she felt a little pressured. It was a dilemma, she could be the reason you stayed or left. Adrenaline coursed through her veins — that was determination.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: It’s not like I am going anywhere anytime soon, either. But.. I like to play hard to get sometimes. How about we wait and see how things go?

@Y/n: Hard to get, huh? Well, patience is a virtue. Let me know when you feel like stopping the chase.

And you two went on like that — talking about your favorite portraits, sending her some — receiving her compliments, which sounded way too genuine for your liking. It was casual, like talking to a friend. Natasha didn't take long to start feeling comfortable with texting you. If she weren't a spy without a private number, she would've asked for your WhatsApp. Or maybe she was just exaggerating. The thing was: she didn't have to wonder about how to answer you. Your way of having conversations was so nice that she didn't feel forced to text back.

And with these new discoveries, Natasha felt like she could be in this new country without feeling too out of place. She feared that in the end this would be just one momentary experience, one of the many personas she played.

But shockingly, for once, she didn’t feel like paying attention to her overthinking.

♡₊˚ 📱・₊✧

Weeks had passed, and the nightly silence Natasha once dreaded was now filled with something else. Her phone screen, once cold and impersonal, had become an opening to something warmer. A new phase of her life. She never thought she would be so close to a mobile device before. Supersecret agents couldn’t have personal ones other than burner phones, it was risky — they could get hacked, tracked, recognized. She didn’t have a number, or an email with her name, bank accounts, or any sort of thing that could link her to the authorities. She only had TikTok, Instagram, some games like Candy Crush Saga and her newest best friend, SparkMatch.

Everyday, without fail, your conversations flowed effortlessly. You spoke about everything: Norway’s quiet beauty, silly anecdotes, and even the mundane things that somehow became meaningful when shared. She made herself get used to the habit of not thinking much. This wasn’t part of the plan — or rather, there was no plan. This constant connection grounded her in a way she didn’t fully understand.

Having someone willingly care about her, without having to ask, beg for it — she couldn’t understand.

This evening, after eating her exquisite caviar and drinking champagne, she settled onto her couch with a blanket draped over her shoulders. Her phone buzzed, and her mind involuntarily anticipated your witty reply, or question about her day.

Instead, a picture greeted her.

It wasn’t posed or staged — just you. mid-laugh, with a goofy expression that instantly betrayed your attempt to be serious. Your hair was a bit disheveled, and the lighting was off, but the image carried a kind of authenticity Natasha couldn’t let pass. The caption reads:

@Y/n: I don’t usually do selfies, but I figured you deserved to see what you’ve been stuck talking to all this time.

It was caring. You thought about her often enough to send a picture of yourself, doing absolutely nothing important.

Natasha softly blinked at the picture, completely still as her brain worked to process what she was looking at. It wasn’t just a picture. There was trust behind it, a hidden message. She couldn’t tell where you were getting at with this action — actually, she could. She just tried to convince herself of the contrary, afraid of putting her hopes up and screwing up afterwards.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Hi. I wasn’t expecting that.

@Y/n: Hi! How are you right now?

She bites her lip, incredulously chuckling. She was almost certain that this question was supposed to come before the picture.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Better.

She was feeling better, but not just that — she was feeling.. something. Something like.. seen. Like she was remembered by someone, like she existed, for once.

And those feelings stirred something even deeper within her.

The connection was becoming deeper — it was just now that she realized that the flirting which occurred every now and then wasn’t meaningless. It had a deep impact on her, in her soul — as a friend, as a person, and mostly.. as a woman. She needed it. She needed someone to like her, to pay attention to her, to see her — intimately, closely. Even better when this someone wasn’t a superficial person, and actually one who she related to and felt like she could share this dormant part of herself.

So she decides to share a picture, too.

She sits upright on the couch, the blanket falling and pooling around her hips as she opens the camera. She switches from the back camera to the frontal one, and takes a selfie. She was wearing a simple grey tank top, so her shoulders, collarbone and neck were on display. She wasn’t smiling smiling, just briefly, just enough to make a friendly expression. It was soft, tender. Unlike the deadly Black Widow.

Thankfully, for you, she didn’t have to be that.

So she presses send, laying back again and staring at the screen in anticipation — her eyes closely watching as the send mark changed into seen, that then turned into open. It stayed like that for a long while — like you were examining the picture and weren’t ashamed of it.

It gave her goosebumps.

The typing bubble appeared again after what felt like an eternity.

@Y/n: You’re beautiful, Nat.

It was a compliment you had already used on her. But this situation? Oh, it felt so, so different. You were talking about the simplicity, the domesticity of her in this closeup, the softness.

Fueling the fire that started to burn within her on this specific day.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Just a selfie.. don't get carried away. I'm hardly camera ready.

@Y/n: It's more than a selfie for me. It made my day. If that's not camera ready, I wonder how it'll be like when you try.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Would you like to see?

Oops. She didn't think before sending this one.

@Y/n: Hell, yes.

Her mind was immersed, totally consumed by the attention you were giving her — no jokes, no hints, just shameless flirting. Standing from the couch, she walks to her small bedroom, which was already dark, gladly — she closes her door, and slumps on her bed. Seduction was her nature, she couldn't control it. Though it wasn't necessarily a bad thing right now. Reaching her hand out, she turned on her yellow dim lamp, a gentle, warm glow casting her skin, making a better environment for the incoming picture.

She reopened the camera and adjusted herself in a comfortable position — knees pulled up, her left hand resting above her stomach as she held her phone with her right one above herself — taking the photo. There was auburn red hair all over the pillows, some strands framing her face perfectly. There was skin showing — a bit of her thighs, her arms, waist.. the curves of her body leaving room for imagination.

And something that she forgot about for the longest time.

The bullet scar above her left hip.

She stared at the photo on her screen, finger hovering over the "Send" button instinctively. The lighting was perfect, the pose effortless yet captivating. Her expression was soft, relaxed — but her pupils were darkened, a hint of the sinful emotions coursing through her body. But her eyes fell to the scar.

It was unavoidable, cutting through the smooth expanse of her pale skin like a brutal reminder. The bullet scar left by the Winter Soldier, a relic of her past life, stood out glaringly in the image. Her jaw clenched as a familiar wave of self-consciousness surged through her, a feeling she thought she had buried already.

She sighed, leaning her head back against the headboard as her thumb swiped to open the editing tools. It took her less than a minute to brush the scar away, leaving her skin unmarked, untouched. Natasha tilted her head, scrutinizing the result. The photo looked… perfect. Too perfect, perhaps, but she didn’t allow herself to dwell on that.

With a deep breath, she pressed send.

Unlike your other conversations, she felt.. heavy. Like the instinct of having to show her perfect body in order to be liked was speaking louder than her rational side.

The message was delivered almost immediately, but the seconds felt drawn out, agonizingly long. When the "seen" indicator appeared, her heart raced. She bit the inside of her cheek, anticipating your response.

The reply came swiftly:

@Y/n: Wow. I’m speechless.

She smirked (bittersweetly), her thumb hesitating for only a moment before typing back.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: That’s a first. Usually, you always have something to say.

The typing bubble reappeared, and she waited, her heart thudding in her chest.

@Y/n: You make it hard to think, Nat.

Natasha felt warmth flood her cheeks, her fingers trembling slightly as she typed.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Don’t let it go to your head.

@Y/n: I think it's too late for that.

For a moment, she wondered what you would have said if you’d seen the unedited version. Would you have found it ugly? Would you have pitied her? Or would you have admired her for wearing it like the badge of survival it was?

In her dreams, you would have worshiped it.

Before she could send anything else, you decided to take a shot on meeting her in person once again.

@Y/n: I'm sorry, I'll have to suggest. How about this: I'll find the best café within a 10-mile radius, and you can tell me if my photography is as good as my coffee recommendations.

Time passed, and the accusations against Natasha had toned down a bit. Maybe, just maybe, if she's careful enough, she can do this. The first date she'd have in what, a decade?

It was refreshing. And scary. But overall refreshing.

@Fanny_Longbottom1203: Deal. But I will be the judge in both.

The day and place was decided — it would be in Oslo, downtown — a café, where tons of people would be present. Natasha, growing up, became a master in blending in.

If fate decided to be on her side, this would be one of the best days of her life.

She tossed her phone onto the pillow beside her and laid back, staring at the ceiling. Her fingers brushed the scar again, tracing its jagged edges as if trying to understand its place in this new chapter of her life.

“Not everyone gets to see this side of me,” she murmured to herself.

And for the first time, she wasn’t sure if that was a warning or a promise.

♡₊˚ 📱・₊✧

The café buzzed with the warmth of chatter, the soft clinking of ceramic mugs, and the occasional burst of laughter. It was tucked into a quiet corner of downtown Oslo, a place where the world felt comfortably distant yet close enough for her to disappear if necessary. Hours before, Natasha had dressed herself up — a burgundy dress, black tights, her usual black boots — and her jacket, of course. Her hair was naturally wavy, falling down her shoulders and back — and the makeup was simple. She wasn't a woman for makeup. But this time, she wore red lipstick and the faintest glitter eyeshadow.

She felt like a doll. It was stupid, a thing she liked to imagine how it would feel like back then — in the Red Room, where the girls wore black uniforms — grey sometimes, but always robotic, always calculated. It was a comforting feeling, which made her want to go back in time and tell little Natalia: yes! we are older now, and we are all dolled up for the date of our dreams.

Natasha arrived early — of course she did. She always did. She chose a seat by the window, her back to the wall, a vantage point where she could see everyone coming and going. Her heart wasn’t racing, but there was a slight tension in her chest. She sipped her coffee slowly, the warm bitterness grounding her as she kept an eye on the door. Then, you walked in.

Her doubting thoughts flew away the moment the green eyes landed on you.

She recognized you instantly. Your smile was smaller in person but somewhat warmer, more genuine. You scanned the room briefly before your eyes landed on her, and for a moment, Natasha thought she saw your breath catch. She softly smirks, gaze involuntarily daring.

Come and get me. This? Is all for you.

She shaked that thought away as she watched you approach her table — your clothes, your style, your body language — she scanned it all. The Black Widow wasn't an easy woman to conquer, which made her dump most of the people that tried to hit on her in the past. You were a rare exception, someone who didn't even have to try to make her heart race. It happened in it’s own.

“You made it,” Natasha said, standing to greet you, to give you a quick hug — the subtle press of your body against hers making her skin tingle. Damn it. She adjusted her dress before sitting back down. You did the same, sitting in front of her.

“Of course I did. This date was all I could think about,” you reply, eyes drinking her in, like she was the prettiest woman to exist. She truly was. “No. Let me rephrase. Seeing you was all I could think about.”

Natasha lets out a soft laugh, shifting her gaze towards the floor. She was so pale that the fact that she was blushing was, unfortunately, evident.

“Feels good to finally hear your voice,” she says, resting her chin on her hand as she stares at you. “In person. Not in audio messages or calls.”

After ordering pastries and more coffee for the both of you, the conversation flowed easily, from the usual mundane topics to little jokes that made Natasha chuckle softly. She found herself studying you more and more, the way you gestured when you spoke, the way your eyes lit up when you laughed.

Eventually, the question came.

“So, what’s it like?” you asked, your voice gentle but curious. “Being an Avenger?”

Natasha paused, her fingers brushing the edge of her coffee cup. She had expected this, of course. She knew it would come up. She couldn't simply hide, not when her face had shown up on TV so many times. But if necessary, she would say that this wasn't what she wanted to be anymore. Not with you. She simply wanted to be herself around you, and not the superhero.

She wasn't Natasha who assaulted T'challa. Wasn’t the Sokovia Accords breaker. She hoped you knew by now.

“It’s… complicated,” she said after a moment, her tone measured. “Not as glamorous as it looks on TV, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

You smiled. “I’m sure. But it’s still something, isn’t it? Saving the world, fighting alongside legends.”

A faint, nostalgic smile tugged at her lips. “It was something, yeah. But it wasn’t always about saving the world.” Her gaze softened as she thought back. “There was this time when Tony installed this AI in the kitchen — Friday’s cousin or something — to help us cook. It ended up burning everything it touched. Clint started calling it ‘Flamebot,’ and Steve…” She chuckled, shaking her head. “Steve tried to fix it, of course. Said it was ‘worth saving.’”

You laughed, and Natasha found herself smiling more openly. She was rambling.

“And Thor,” she continued, “he once mistook a microwave for some kind of… magical contraption. He tried to ‘summon its power’ with Mjolnir.”

“Did it work?” you teased.

Natasha smirked. “No, but we had to get a new microwave.”

The nostalgia warmed her, but it also left her feeling melancholic. She missed them. Not the missions or the battles, but the team — the messy, dysfunctional family they had become. You seemed to notice the shift in her mood and didn’t push further. Instead, you leaned in slightly, your voice soft.

“I can tell you miss them,” you said.

Natasha nodded, her walls lowering just a fraction. “Yeah. I do.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, realizing she needed some cheering up. This was supposed to be a happy day, not one to bring up sad memories. So you opened your bag, pulling out of it your camera — which made Natasha's eyes brighten up.

“You brought it!” she exclaims. “I almost forgot that you're a photographer,”

“I thought of the possibility of having to register this moment. And I was absolutely right. You look.. beautiful isn't enough to describe it,” you deeply sigh, as if surrendering to her, to this feeling of being completely in love. “Can I please take a picture of you?”

Natasha raised an eyebrow, her lips curving into a sly smile. “A picture of me?” she asked, her tone teasing. “You know that’s dangerous, right? What if you decide to sell it to the tabloids?”

You laughed softly, looking at her like a lovesick puppy, shaking your head. “I’m not interested in fame, Nat. Just in you.”

That made her pause, her smirk faltering for just a second. It wasn’t often she heard something so direct, so sincere. She tilted her head, studying you with those piercing green eyes, as if trying to gauge if you meant it.

“Alright,” she said finally, leaning back in her chair. “But only if it’s a good angle. No pressure.”

You grinned, lifting the camera and adjusting the settings with practiced ease. “No such thing as a bad angle with you.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, but the blush dusting her cheeks just got worse. She straightened up, her posture relaxed yet commanding, exuding that natural grace and power.

“Like this?” she asked, tilting her head slightly, a hint of amusement in her voice.

You brought your chair closer, lowering the camera for a moment. “No. Don’t pose,” you said quietly. “Just be yourself.”

That caught her off guard. Her brow furrowed slightly, and she shifted in her seat, unsure of what to do with herself for once.

“Be myself, huh?” she murmured.

You nodded, lifting the camera again. “Exactly. I don’t need the Black Widow. I want Nat.”

Her lips parted slightly at your words, and for a fleeting moment, the mask she wore every day seemed to slip. Her shoulders relaxed, her head tilted to the side, and a genuine, very shy smile spread across her face. “I-”

Before she could protest, the shutter clicked, capturing her in that rare, unguarded moment. “Perfect,” you murmured, lowering the camera and meeting her gaze.

Natasha shook her head, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. “You’re trouble, you know that?”

“Only the good kind,” you replied with a grin, setting the camera down.

She leaned forward slightly, resting her chin on her hand again as she studied you. “So, do I get to see it? Or are you keeping me in suspense?”

You turned the camera around, showing her the photo on the screen. Her expression softened as she took it in — the warmth in her eyes, the slight tilt of her head, the way the light framed her face, her rosy cheeks. It wasn’t just a picture. It was a glimpse of who she really was, beyond the layers of secrecy and survival. It was simply her, away from espionage, having coffee with her date.

Her unforgettable trip to Norway.

“It’s… good,” she said quietly, her voice almost hesitant.

“Good?” you ask. “It’s stunning. Just like my model.”

Oh, that…

The way you emphasized the word ‘my’.. the way you were making her feel.. actually precious. She was trapped.

“Alright,” she said, sitting back. “You’ve had your fun. Now tell me, do I at least get a copy?”

You laughed, nodding. “Of course. But only if you promise to go easy on me when I take more later.”

She smirks, her confidence returning. “We’ll see about that.”

As the evening wore, the sky showed a beautiful indigo, stars twinkling just like the sparkles in both of your sets of eyes. Natasha allowed herself to relax. To bask in this kind of normalcy that she never had the chance to experience. She had seen a lot, lived a lot. She knew what people could do in response to fear. She saw war and hatred, she saw coldness and cruelty. But from now on, she could live in a lighter way — like her heart was finally at peace.

“Should we get going?” you asked as the people also started to leave, standing and offering her a hand.

Natasha hesitated for half a second before taking it. Your touch was warm, steady, grounding, and promising. As you stepped outside, the cool air of Oslo wrapped around you. The city lights flickered like stars. Natasha felt a strange sense of calm. When she felt your arm enveloping her shoulders, her breath hitched, but she didn’t let it show — leaning into you gently.

“Where to now?” she asked, glancing at you.

“Well, the hotel, if you’re up for it,” you replied, your tone playful but not pushing.

That playfulness was a disguise for more surprises that awaited her back into the hotel room you were hosted in.

♡₊˚ 📱・₊✧

When you unlocked the door to the hotel you're staying in, Natasha followed you inside, her steps hesitant, as if she wasn’t quite sure what to expect. The space was warm and inviting, even if it wasn't a fixed place — especially after knowing you for a good while now — tons of polaroids laying across the bed, portraits, some funko pops that you bought recently. But what caught her attention almost immediately was the bouquet of flowers resting on the counter, tied together with a simple ribbon.

Her brows furrowed slightly as she turned to you, her lips parting in surprise. She didn't even have time to look around the place. “What’s this?” she asked softly, her voice carrying a mix of curiosity and vulnerability.

You stepped past her, picking up the bouquet and holding it out to her with a smile. “These are for you,” you said.

Natasha blinked, momentarily stunned. Her fingers brushed against yours as she took the bouquet, her touch delicate, as though the flowers were something precious. She examined them quietly — deep purple irises mingled with soft yellow sunflowers and a few sprigs of white heather.

“So you’re a hopeless romantic.. you didn’t take them to the café. What made you so sure I would come back to your place?”

You shrugged, leaning casually against the counter. “I wasn’t sure,” you admitted, meeting her gaze with an honesty that made her pause. “But I hoped you would. And, well, I wanted them to be a surprise. It felt more personal this way.”

Natasha glanced down at the flowers again, her fingers gently brushing over the petals. “You really thought this through, didn’t you?”

“I thought you were worth the effort,” you said simply, the sincerity in your voice making her blink rapidly, as though she was trying to process it.

Natasha smiled as she shook her head lightly, trying to dismiss the overwhelming feeling creeping up on her. “You’re really something, you know that?”

You chuckled, stepping closer. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

She tilted her head, her green eyes studying you with a mixture of curiosity and warmth. “It is,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. “You didn’t have to-”

“I wanted to,” you interrupted softly, stepping closer. “You deserve something beautiful. Something that shows how incredible you are, even if you can’t always see it yourself.”

Her lips parted, but no sound came out. The Avenger, the unshakable spy, was speechless.

Natasha turned to face you fully, the bouquet forgotten for a moment as she searched your face. It was almost desperate, how she tried to find reassurance, anything that told her that her past wasn't a problem. “You… you don’t even know the half of it,” she murmured.

“Maybe not,” you admitted. “But I want to. Every part of it, Nat. I want to know you.”

For a long moment, she just stared at you, as if trying to decide whether she could let her walls down one more time. Talking through an app was easier. In person felt way too serious. And then, with a deep, trembling breath, she set the bouquet back on the table and closed the distance between you.

She walked with determination, her chest lightly touching yours as her hands found their way to the back of your neck. Her fingernails softly scratched in between the hair strands. She didn't know what to say — she didn't want to say anything. In this very second, she simply wanted to feel. Feel what she never had the privilege to feel as the years passed, because yes, this felt like a privilege. She stood on her tiptoes to press herself closer, doe green eyes pleading.

They told you everything, and you didn't need to be passed the message twice. Your right hand cupped her cheek as the left one wrapped around her waist, bringing her even closer.

She was an angel. Not a deadly spy. A sweet angel to be taken care of. To have her needs satisfied and tears wiped away.

As Natasha felt you responding, she allowed her eyes to close.. basking in the darkness, wanting to be enveloped by this only one sensation. This soft, intense sensation of your lips against hers, moving in a way that wasn't rushed, but wasn't too deliberate either — your hands gripping her waist and bunching the fabric of her jacket, maneuvering her back against the counter. Holding onto your shoulders, she sat on the countertop, welcoming your body between her legs. The kiss lasted. She softly whimpered as she felt your tongue brushing against her bottom lip, asking for entrance, for more of her. And she allowed it. Her head tilted to the side, moving in sync with you — as your tongues danced, a dance she hadn’t discovered before.

Needing air, you pull away, foreheads resting against one another as you deeply inhale, messily. It was torture to stop kissing her, she was good. But air was necessary. Calming down, your arms circle her waist. A smile makes its way to your lips as you see the state she was in. Flushed. And…

“I think your lipstick is a little smudged,”

Natasha felt that — every nerve of her skin was burning, including the parts with the messy makeup. She lets out a huff of air and clears her throat, trying to find her voice so she could respond.

“That was…” she whispers, her hands cradling your jaw. “Wow,”

“You are ‘wow’,” you whisper, using your thumb to wipe away the red lipstick from the corners of her lips, fixing it. “You are perfect,”

“I'm not that- I'm not,” she nervously giggled, humming as you finished fixing her up. She shifted on the countertop, her legs pressing around your hips, as if afraid of you leaving.

“I wish I could give you my set of eyes,” your hands travel down to her thighs, feeling the slightly rough fabric of her tights, but that didn't make her skin any less smoother to the touch.

Her dress was basically all the way up her hips at this point, something she hadn't paid the necessary attention to, due being too busy making out with you — and in the pit of her stomach, a small flicker of panic started rising. This was reckless, so reckless. It is not like she didn’t think of the possibility of things escalating while coming back to the hotel with you, but in her head, she would have more control over the situation — and with that, manage to keep her secrets uncovered.

But she didn’t. Her body was reacting in its own and her mind was cloudy. She had zero control.

Before you could even touch the zipper of her dress, Natasha froze. Her breathing hitched — barely noticeable if you weren’t paying attention, but you were. Her hands, which had been so confident just moments ago, trembled as they pressed gently against your chest.

“Wait,” she whispered, her voice barely audible, as if it might shatter if spoken any louder. “Just.. give me a second,” she muttered, avoiding your gaze as she detangled from your grasp, getting off the counter and hurrying to the bathroom.

The sound of the door clicking shut echoed through the quiet room. Natasha leaned against the sink, gripping its edges so tightly her knuckles turned white. Her reflection stared back at her — flushed cheeks, wide eyes, red marks staining the corners of her lips.

Why did she have to choose a matte lipstick?

Her fingers brushed against her side, over the spot where the bullet scar lay. She had hidden it from you before, in that photo. It had seemed harmless at the time — a small deception to preserve the image of herself she wanted you to see. But now, in the raw intimacy of this moment, it felt like a betrayal.

She turned on the faucet, splashing cold water onto her face in an attempt to calm the storm raging inside her. She couldn’t lose this moment — not to her own fears, not to a scar that was just one more piece of her long and painful past. But how could she explain it? How could she show you this part of her without ruining everything?

Natasha pressed her hands to her face, inhaling deeply. It’s just a scar, she told herself. It doesn’t define me. It doesn’t change who I am.

Except that it does. And a small tear rolls down her cheek.

You’re not in the Red Room anymore, she reminded herself, gripping the sink harder. And this person… they’re different. They don’t expect you to be perfect. They just want you.

The doubt, the fears that you managed to keep away from her in the past month, came back to her — only a thousand times more painful.

Regardless, Natasha didn't have any more time to think, before she heard the doorknob turning, the damn door she didn't lock opening. She kept her head low, her body stiff as she continued to hold onto the sink. You could see her reflection in the mirror clearly. The fact that she was silently shedding tears.

“You're crying,” you state quietly, taking baby steps towards her.

“And you're bold,” she chuckles, the sound a mixture of tears and sarcasm. She sniffles, using her arm to wipe her nose. “Entering like that.”

“You're crying.” you shake your head, once again standing face to face with her. You reach out your hands and cup her tear stained cheeks. “What's wrong?”

“I…” she debated what to tell you. That she was afraid of physical intimacy since she was young? Or that she hid a crucial thing about her body all this time? “I don't know-”

“You’re hiding something from me and are afraid I’m gonna hate you?” you inquire, voice serious — not mocking, not pressuring.

What?

Her eyes go wide instantly, the tears stopping. You wipe them away from her cheeks, expression softening again as you prepared to explain yourself. “You’re part of a New Yorker superheroes team. There was absolutely nothing that spoke about your personality in SparkMatch, which is expected, Nat. I’m aware that there’s a lot that I don’t know about you. I know where I’m getting myself into.”

“For the longest time, all I wanted was company. Someone to talk to, to listen to me, and that I could listen to them. Someone to see me,” she quietly confesses, leaning her cheeks into your palms. “You did just that. You’re that person.. you filled a huge void in me. You saved me in more ways that you could ever know.”

“I’m so grateful for that.” you lean closer, pressing a lingering kiss against her forehead. She shyly wrapped her arms around your waist, her eyes searching yours once more.

“It’s not just that…” she adds, her breath hitching. She was now determined to continue from where you left off on the entrance counter. “I longed- I long for.. touches, and..”

“And closeness,” you complete, head dipping down and tucking itself into the crook of her neck. “Geez, you smell delicious,”

“It’s… Twilly D’Hermès,” breathless, Natasha speaks, a small hint of pride in her tone as she spoke about her moisturizing cream. “My body lotion,”

It wasn’t cheap, but she liked to spoil herself sometimes. It was also great to deal with the constant bruises and cuts on her skin. Your brows raise in surprise, an incredulous laugh escaping your lips. Natasha could feel the warmth of your breath on her neck, a surge of happiness and ecstasy washing over her.

“That’s.. pretty luxurious, one can say.”

“Can’t a woman spoil herself sometimes?” she retorts — interrupted by a gasp that left her as your lips pressed against her neck. Her eyes flutter shut, her hands holding onto your arms as she did her best to keep talking. “B-Besides, years of bruises and burns require good skincare.”

“I see,” you hum, nuzzling into her, into the spot behind her ear. She felt soft today. Now you knew the reason. After staying like that for a while, you pull back, looking into her eyes with a gaze that showed admiration, respect and concern towards her comfort. “Can I?”

She deeply inhales, feeling you reach for her dress again — only more mindfully now. Shrugging her jacket off her shoulders, she places it next to her on the sink and nods.

She was prepared for the question.

“Okay, hold on.” you kneel down, beginning to untie her boots, catching her by surprise. You remove them and place them aside, before slowly pulling down her tights. “Damn. Why did you have to wear something so complicated?”

“I wanted to feel beautiful,” she quietly chuckles, allowing you to get rid of the excessive fabric on her body.

So, it's time for the dress. You got up to your feet and slid your palm up her spine, holding onto the zipper and then pulling it down. Natasha was expectant, self aware, but mainly, consumed by her desire — finally awake again.

“I'll make you feel beautiful,” you nod, pushing the dress straps off her shoulders and sliding them down her arms.

“You already do.” She breathes.

She doesn't stop you from getting her off the dress. But when it stops below her hips, she tenses up. That's because she sees you freezing. To look at her. It's strange, to have someone look at her body with no apparent emotion. You didn't look at her as if she were a prize to win — an object, or a weapon. Helping her step off the dress, you toss it aside on the floor. Now nothing was disturbing you from taking her in. Her black underwear. Her toned muscles — which you assumed were from years of workout. And her scars. Cuts, a few small keloids, and the bullet scar.

“You didn’t have to hide this from me.” you breathe, dropping to your knees once more as you held her by the hips. She found herself leaning against the sink’s counter, breathing ragged, every nerve of her body buzzing in anticipation. “Makes you even more gorgeous.”

“I—”

“You're fucking gorgeous.” you hiss, kissing above the place that once had a bullet in.

Yup. Her dreams came true.

“Please,” she murmurs, not knowing how to vocalize what she wanted. But the heat pooling between her thighs told you everything.

Your lips make a path from her hip down to her pelvic bone, right hand grabbing her thigh and putting it on your shoulder — coaxing a gasp out of her. Your palm covers her scar, as though it were something precious about herself — making her feel safe, above everything. Natasha, for a moment, almost lost her balance — having to hold her weight with one foot — as your pointer finger hooked around the soaked fabric of her panties, pulling it to the side. You gave her one look. One look before diving in.

You are no longer alone.

She took the message. And her world exploded.

Your tongue working on her — licking past her folds, tasting her — as if committing to memory, and not just using her — her slender fingers tangling into your hair, pulling your head closer to her core, soft moans leaving her mouth as if there was no tomorrow.

“Yes,” She gasps, her hips bucking, seeking more of the kitten licks you showered her clitoris with. “Don't stop.”

None of her sexual experiences had been good in the past — not in the slightest. So having something so good, so pleasuring — it was truly her first.

In the Norwegian hotel, Natasha was more Avenged than she ever was with the Avengers. In the end of the night, she ended up with you on the bed — your clothes making each other company on the floor, as she lost herself — in your body, your scent, your hands on her,

and your love for her.

♡₊˚ 📱・₊✧

You were tucked under the covers when the bathroom's door opened — the hot steam of her recent shower now dispersing and mingling with the air. You sat up, leaning against the headboard as you watched her with a smile.

Natasha walked towards you, the white hotel's towel in her hands, drying her damp hair. She was wearing a t-shirt you lent her, which was probably three times her size. She was smiling. Happily.

Before climbing back onto the bed, she absentmindedly placed the wet towel on an armchair. She gently settled onto your lap, straddling your hips, her head instantly nesting on your shoulder.

“Hi, baby.” you embrace her.

“If I have to leave the country, for any reasons,” she says, her hands tracing random patterns on your back. “Will you come with me?”

“I'll go anywhere with you.” you reply, voice unwavering.

She released the air she didn't know she was holding, and allows herself to relax her sore body. She nuzzled closer as you played with her still damp hair.

Maybe dating apps weren't so bad, after all. If she ever saw her team or Tony again, she would thank him for making her install it.

“Oh, and by the way,”

Natasha whispers, finally. Probably, you were aware. But it was one more thing about her true self she wanted you to know.

“My name is Natalia.”

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itneverendshere · 8 hours ago

Text

LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - TWELVE

pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mentions of severe anemia; pregnancy; abortion

💌MASTERLIST

Rafe rolled over, squinting against the sunlight breaking through the shitty broken blinds he'd meant to replace weeks ago. His phone buzzed on the nightstand, and before his eyes were even fully open, he swiped it up.

"Yeah?" His voice was a low growl, all gravel, and irritation.

The voice on the other end was professional. "Mr. Cameron? We’re calling to follow up on your father’s properties. There are a few—"

Fuck off.

Rafe cut them off with a sharp exhale, rubbing his temples.

He didn’t let them finish. "Yeah, I know what you’re calling about. I’m not dealing with that right now, okay? Call someone else."

"Sir, you are listed as—"

"I said call someone else," He snapped, hanging up before they could launch into another scripted response. He tossed the phone onto the mattress and stared at the ceiling, breathing hard.

It had been months since Ward died, and somehow, his name was heavier now than it ever was when he was alive. Everyone wanted something—answers, signatures, money. All things Rafe didn’t have or didn’t care to deal with.

The phone buzzed again. He grabbed it, ready to tell whoever it was where to stick their questions, but it was just a reminder about his plans with Topper. For half a second, he considered texting back: Can’t make it. Something came up.

But he doesn’t. Not yet.

Instead, he shoved himself upright, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and dropping his head into his hands.

The dream the call robbed him of was still vivid. For a moment, he forgot where he was—his room felt colder, and emptier, and the bed might as well have been a mile wide.

In the dream, you were eighteen again, and so was he. Back when things were simpler—or maybe just felt that way. Back before he’d ruined everything.

He could see it so clearly: the two of you sneaking out of some party you didn’t want to be at, your hand locked in his as you ducked through the dark streets. You’d been laughing, trying to shush him because he couldn’t stop cracking dumb jokes.

You ended up at the dock by your uncle’s boat. The stars were out, scattered across the sky like a million little promises. He remembered how you’d sat cross-legged on the wooden planks, your hair falling into your face as you smiled at him like he was the only person in the world.

The dock, your laugh, the stars—those were the good parts. But he remembers what you were going through back then, and it hit him all over again.

You’d just lost everything—your parents, your sister, gone in an instant. The private plane went down, and so did the life you’d always known. He remembers the way you’d talk about them—your family—late at night when it was just the two of you. Your voice would crack, and your eyes would shine with unshed tears, but you’d talk anyway. About your dad teaching you how to sail, your mom’s tenderness, the way your sister used to be your role model.

He hadn’t thought about those nights in years, but now they come rushing back, all tangled up with the dream. He still wasn’t strong enough for you back then. He let his own shit get in the way, let his insecurities and his anger twist everything good between you over the years. And when he walked away, he left you to deal with the wreckage of your life and his own cowardice.

He threw on a shirt, and some old shorts, didn’t even bother fixing his hair. No one was going to care—not like anyone was looking to him for anything these days anyway. He stomped down the stairs, rubbing at the back of his neck, pretending like he didn’t spend the night dreaming of your face.

Wheezie was at the kitchen counter, cereal in front of her, scrolling her phone.

She didn’t glance up when she heard him, "You look like shit."

Aw, nothing like a teenager.

"Good mornin’ to you too," Rafe grumbled, heading for the fridge. He grabbed a bottle of water, unscrewing the cap like it had personally offended him, “You’re really settling in, huh?"

Wheezie snorted, not looking up from her phone. "Rose stuck me here with you. What else am I supposed to do? I’m just trying to survive."

“It’s two days."

He hadn’t exactly planned on babysitting Wheezie while Rose was out of the country, he hadn’t planned on much lately

"Two days too many," she shot back, smirking. "You going somewhere?"

Rafe slammed the fridge shut, twisting the cap off his water.

"Why are you stomping around like that?"

"Not fuckin’ stomping," Rafe muttered, leaning against the counter.

"You are," she scowled, shoving a spoonful of cereal into her mouth. "You sound like a baby elephant."

Rafe glared at her, but she just shrugged, unfazed. "You’re up early. What’s the occasion?"

"Just woke up, okay?" he snapped.

"Jeez, someone’s in a mood," Wheezie rolled her eyes. "What’s your deal?"

"No deal." He took a long sip of water, staring out the window.

"Can you drop me off later?" she changed the topic, her tone too casual to be innocent.

Rafe side-eyed her. "Drop you off where?"

"Poguelandia.”

His hand froze halfway to the trash can. "You’re kiddin’."

"Nope," Wheezie said, popping the “p.” She didn’t even look at him, scrolling on her phone like this was just a normal request.

"You know Sarah’s there, right?"

"Yeah, that’s kinda the point," Wheezie finally met his glare. "She texted me. Wants to hang out."

Rafe scoffed, tossing the empty water bottle into the trash. "Since when are you and Sarah talkin’?"

"Since forever," Wheezie pursed her lips, "Just because you two can’t stand each other doesn’t mean I can’t hang out with her. Also," She adds, "there’s a party happening later. Like, nothing crazy, but… y’know."

He hadn’t been around much for his little sister lately—shit, not for a long time, if he was honest with himself. After their dad died, he kind of just… checked out. Too much of his own crap to deal with. But Wheezie didn’t ask for any of that.

"Nothing crazy," Rafe repeated flatly, his arms crossed.

"Relaxxxx,” She shoved another spoonful of cereal into her mouth. "Just drop me off. I’ll figure out a ride back."

He rubbed a hand over his face, groaning. "Wheeze, do you even know what you’re walking into? Pogues don’t fuck with us."

"I wonder why….” She hummed, waving him off. “I’ll be fine, they don’t hate me."

"Yeah, well, they hate me."

"Good thing I’m not you.” Wheezie fired back, hopping off the stool.

Yeah, good thing.

"And it’s not just a party. I’m visiting Sarah, too."

"Yeah, I heard you the first time," Rafe rolled his eyes, "Here’s the deal: I’ll drop you off—"

She perked up, her face lighting with hope.

"—but on one condition," he cut in, smirking just enough to make her suspicious.

He hadn’t really spent time with her in ages—not since Ward died. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it was just…easier not to. Easier to stay away, to let the silence pile up.

The real issue was that, for the longest time, he’s been gone for a reason. He didn’t want to be here. It was easier to be numb by being drunk or high. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his sister—it was just that it was too painful, and complicated.

Yesterday, his therapist had told him to invest time in his sisters. To be there for them, to reconnect, because they were his only real family left. Whezzie he could do, Sarah?

Only time would tell.

You have to show up for the people you love. Even if it scares you.

It scared the shit out of him, honestly.

"What?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"You come with me and Topper on the boat first," he said, folding his arms tighter like he’s already won.

Wheezie groaned, slumping back in her chair. "Seriously? What part of not showing up on a yatch is this?”

“Take it or leave it.”

“Why? So I can sit there and listen to you two talk about girls you’ll never get and beer brands you can’t pronounce?"

Rafe glared at her. "It’s not up for debate. You wanna go to fuckass poguelandia? You’re comin’ with us. End of story."

At least he was trying—trying to do something for her, to make up for the time he’d lost, the ways he’d been absent or worse. Even if he still sounded like an asshole most of the time.

"Fine. Whatever. I’ll go with you and Topper. But you owe me big time.”

The whole idea of being present was terrifying, it ruined him when he was a teenager, but he couldn’t keep hiding from it. There was nothing left to hide behind.

“I’ll buy that stupid cereal you like.”

"Lucky me."

"Alright, smartass," He grabbed a mug and filled it with coffee, trying to ignore her smug look. "What do you even eat besides cereal? You’re gonna starve or some shit.”

"I’ll survive. You, on the other hand…" she trailed off, gesturing vaguely at his unkempt pantry. "You look like you could use a babysitter."

Rafe let the corners of his mouth twitch. "You’re an asshole, y'know that?"

“You’re my brother, what did you expect?”

It was just the two of them in his big, empty condo. He might not have been much of a role model—or even a decent older brother—but for the next two days, he could try.

“You’re the worst,” she grumbled, grabbing her phone off the counter.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Rafe said dismissively, turning toward the door. “Be ready in ten.”

Wheezie, rolling her eyes so hard he thought they might fall out of her head, stomped back upstairs, probably to change into something less “little sister on a boat” and more “teen rebel” or whatever the fuck kid’s liked these days. She could dress however she wanted as long as she didn’t make him regret dragging her into this.

Rafe leaned against the truck while he waited for his sister. His arms were crossed, his fingers drumming against his bicep in a nervous rhythm. It wasn’t about the boat—he didn’t even know why he’d suggested it. Maybe it was just an excuse to keep her close for a little longer before dropping her into pogue territory. He missed her.

An hour later, he was pulling the truck into the dock’s gravel lot, the tires crunching as he rolled to a stop. Topper was already there, lounging on the boat, a beer in one hand and sunglasses perched low on his nose.

Wheezie hopped out of the truck before Rafe even had a chance to cut the engine. “God, does he ever not look like a wannabe country club poster boy?”

Rafe smirked as he climbed out.

“Rafe! Wheezie!” Topper called out, spreading his arms wide like he was greeting royalty. “What’s up, losers?”

Wheezie snorted, marching toward the boat. “Nice shorts. Did Vineyard Vines have a clearance sale, or did you just raid your dad’s closet?”

“Stop being ruthless,” Topper glanced down at his pastel pink swim trunks, feigning offense. “These are a classic.”

“A classic embarrassment,” she fake gagged, stepping onto the boat.

Rafe followed her, shaking his head. “Play nice.”

“Fantastic,” Topper drawled, “There’s two of you today.”

“You make it too easy.” Whezzie dropped onto one of the cushioned seats and leaned back, pulling her sunglasses down over her eyes. “What’s the plan, Captain Douchebag?”

Topper raised his beer in a mock toast. “The plan is sailing.”

“Wow. Revolutionary.”

Rafe chuckled, untying the boat and giving it a shove off the dock. “Just sit back and relax, Wheez. We’ll drop you off later.”

Topper’s head snaps up, “Drop her off where?”

"Where do you think?" Rafe leaned over to check the boat's engine. He didn't bother looking at Topper, already waiting for the inevitable reaction, “Sarah's.”

"Wait, wait, wait," Topper held up a hand like he was stopping traffic. "You're taking her to Poguelandia? Are you out of your mind?"

"It's not your problem," Rafe grumbled, starting the engine. The low hum drowned out part of Topper's rant, but not enough to miss the gist.

"Not my problem? Dude, the second you step foot over there, it's everyone's problem. She’s there too, y’know? Stopped by earlier to make peace…She changed her gate’s code. And the lock.”

The gate code. The lock.

He couldn’t get it out of his head.

For years, it had been the same—just like the keys he used to have to your place. Just days ago, the gate had swung open just like it always did, the same code he’d memorized like it was second nature.

You hadn’t changed the code, hadn’t swapped the locks. He’d half convinced himself it meant something, maybe you weren’t ready to fully let him go, either.

Rafe’s hands stilled on the throttle. He tried to keep his expression neutral, but his jaw tightened all the same. Topper, of course, noticed immediately.

"See? This is what I’m talking about," Topper leaned back in his seat, spreading his arms like he was laying out some grand revelation. "Where do you think she’s staying at? It’s fuckin’ obvious. We show up, and it’s gonna stir shit up.”

It was almost like you’d left the door cracked open for him. Just enough to make him believe there was still a chance. Now he wasn’t so sure. Had his visit been the final straw? Had the sight of him standing on the other side of your door—looking desperate and pathetic—been the thing that made you decide to shut him out completely?

You didn’t let him in, but you’d opened up the door. After everything he’d put you through, it was your way of protecting yourself. Shutting the door so he couldn’t come crashing back in.

Topper’s voice snapped him back to reality, “You even listening to me, man?”

Rafe blinked, forcing himself to re-focus on the boat’s controls.

“Yeah. I heard you. ’m not staying. Just dropping her off."

“We’re dead meat.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Topper knew better than to keep talking, the conversation ended there.

For the next twenty minutes, the boat cruised over the water, Rafe kept on steering, letting Topper and Wheezie chatter away behind him. He wasn't really listening—hadn't been for most of the trip—but every now and then, Wheezie's laughter or Topper's exaggerated storytelling pulled him back just enough to remind him they were still there.

When they finally dropped anchor near the sandbar, Topper leaned back, cracking open another beer as he stretched out under the sun.

"Alrigh’, who wants to make a toast? First outing of the month, gotta celebrate properly!"

Rafe shook his head, pulling a bottle of water from the cooler instead. He twisted off the cap and took a long sip, ignoring the way Topper raised a brow at him.

"Wait a second," Topper said, sitting up slightly. "You're not drinking?"

The fact his best friend sounded surprised was reason enough to stay sober. He didn’t like being scrutinized.

"Nah," He waived off, leaning back against the seat and letting the sun warm his face.

He’d made the choice not to drink before they even left the dock, but it didn’t stop the instinct—the small urge to crack open a beer and let the eventual numbness take over like it usually did.

Topper looked between the beer in his hand and Rafe, "You serious? Could've told me, wouldn’t have brought all this shit."

“Yeah, sure you wouldn’t have.”

"Fair," Topper admitted, "Still, man. That's… good. Like, really good."

Wheezie, who had been scrolling on her phone, perked up at the exchange. "Yeah, Rafe. I think it's awesome."

Proud. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had said that to him. Maybe you, but it had been a long time since anyone had looked at him and seen something worth being proud of.

He shrugged, “It’s not a big deal.”

But it kind of was. Because sitting there, sober and fully present for the first time in months, he realized it didn’t feel as bad as he thought it would. He’d been drinking non-stop—first to deal with his dad’s death, then to quiet the guilt, and then to forget you.

The therapist had called it “self-medicating.” Rafe had scoffed when she first said it, she didn’t know what she was talking about, but the longer the sessions went on, the harder it was to deny. Drinking had become a way to drown out the memories and feelings he didn’t know how to face.

The therapist had suggested he take a break from drinking, just for a while. “You don’t have to stop forever,” she’d said. “Just give yourself a chance to feel what’s really going on.”

Yeah, because that sounded like fucking fun. Sitting with his feelings.

But something about today felt different. He couldn’t explain it—maybe it was Wheezie’s not hating spending time with him after all the stunts he pulled, or the way Topper had thrown himself into planning this trip like he was trying to cheer him up—but for once, he didn’t feel like drowning himself in alcohol.

It wasn’t like drinking had helped anyway, if anything, it made it worse. The mornings after, when the hangover hit and he couldn’t even look at himself in the mirror, let alone call you to apologize for everything he’d done wrong.

So, yeah. Maybe the therapist had a point.

He glanced at the cooler full of beers and liquor that Topper had dragged aboard. “Don’t feel like it today.”

Topper was still eyeing him like he was an alien, while Wheezie had gone back to scrolling her phone, but every now and then, she'd glance up at him, like she was checking to see if he was still there—if he was still him.

"Alright, enough of the sentimental shit," Topper declared, "Let’s make this a proper day. Who’s up for some wakeboarding?"

Wheezie groaned, flopping back dramatically. "You two are so predictable. Wakeboarding, really? What’s next, golf? A steak dinner? Gonna break out the cigars and talk about how much you cripto?"

Rafe snorted, tossing a towel at her. "Wheez, you screamed your head off last time you tried it."

“Yeah, because I nearly died!" she threw the towel right back at him.

"You were fine.”

“You said I was fine while I was choking on lake water.”

Rafe smirked, standing up to adjust the rope for the wakeboard. “Builds character.”

“Builds trauma,” she retorted, kicking her flip-flops off and stretching her legs out over the seat. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you when I’m suing your ass.”

“Good luck with that.”

She tilted her chin up with a satisfied grin, “I can now, thank you very much. I’m an adult.”

“You turned eighteen two weeks ago. Chill with the big-girl talk.”

Topper cracked up from the other side of the boat, pointing his beer at her like it was a microphone. “She’s got you there, big bro. Maybe let her drive the boat next.”

Wheezie perked up instantly. “Wait, can I?”

“No,” Rafe deadpanned.

“Why not?” she whined, her entire body deflating.

“Because last time you tried, you almost ran over a dock,” Rafe tugged the line to make sure it was secure.

“Okay, that was one time, and I was learning,” Wheezie argued. “You’ve done way dumber stuff.”

Topper leaned over, watching the exchange like it was the most entertaining thing he’d seen all week. “This is amazing. You guys should fight more often.”

“Shut up,” Rafe and Wheezie said in unison, which only made Topper laugh harder.

The afternoon passed quickly, filled with sun, water, and Wheezie’s relentless commentary. She refused to try wakeboarding again, opting instead to sunbathe and heckle them from the safety of the boat. Rafe couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard her laugh so much—or the last time he’d felt this calm.

As the sun dipped lower, painting the water in shades of gold, Rafe slowed the boat to a gentle drift. Wheezie was sprawled out with her headphones in, her phone propped up on her stomach. Topper had passed out in the corner, his sunglasses slipping down his nose. Rafe sat at the helm, one hand resting on the wheel, the other dangling over the side. The cool water lapped at his fingertips, calming him in a way he hadn’t felt in years.

For once, he wasn’t thinking about the mistakes he’d made or the people he’d lost. He wasn’t drowning in guilt or regret. He was just… there, present. It didn’t feel as bad as he thought it would

Rafe cut the engine as the boat drifted closer to the dock. The sight of Sarah’s house on the Cut came into view. It wasn’t a kook mansion or some pristine estate—just a house that Sarah and her friends had claimed for herself.

The second the boat bumped against the dock, Wheezie sprang up, tugging her bag over her shoulder. Rafe was quick to follow, throwing the rope around a cleat to tie them off.

“You’re not getting off, are you?” Wheezie asked, looking over her shoulder with her brows furrowed.

Rafe stepped off the boat, sneakers hitting the creaky dock with a purpose. She rolled her eyes when she realized he wasn’t staying behind like she hoped.

“You don’t need to come,” she grumbled, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

“Yeah, I do,” Rafe said, his tone leaving no room for argument. “Not letting you walk in there alone.”

“She’s our sister, not some random stranger,” Wheezie stomped down the dock.

She might as well have been.

Rafe grabbed the bag she was struggling with and followed her toward the weathered building at the end of the pier. Sarah’s place wasn’t just a house; it was a business. A small café-slash-bait shop that catered to the locals. The painted sign hanging over the front door read Cut Cafe in faded lettering, with a little drawing of a fish under it.

He hated it.

Not because it wasn’t nice, but because it wasn’t theirs. It was Sarah’s—a piece of her new life that had nothing to do with him or Wheezie or anything resembling their family. Another reminder of how far he hadn’t gone.

If he was being honest—something he rarely let himself do—he missed her. Not the Sarah she was now, but the sister she used to be, before the huge fights, before she looked at him like he was some kind of monster. Before Ward.

But that was the thing, wasn’t it? Ward had made sure Rafe would never get to have what Sarah did. She was the golden child, Dad’s favorite. And Rafe—he was just there, a constant disappointment.

It wasn’t that he hated her; it was that he hated what she represented.

Approval he’d never get, a life he wasn’t good enough for.

It was ironic, really. He used to resent Sarah for being Ward’s favorite.

Now he resented her for being yours.

Rafe scowled as the sound of the party reached his ears, even from the dock. Music thumped loud enough to vibrate the air, shouted conversations, and the occasional crash of something—probably a bottle—shattering.

Someone let out a loud whoop, followed by the unmistakable sound of people chanting for a keg stand. Rafe pinched the bridge of his nose, his patience thinning with every passing second. He wasn’t in the mood for this juvenile shit.

“You're way too comfortable here,” he scoffed under his breath as Wheezie marched ahead, her steps confident. It pissed him off more than it should have.

“Maybe because Sarah doesn’t treat me like I’m still twelve,” Wheezie shot back, smirking at him over her shoulder.

Rafe ignored the jab, his eyes scanning the small crowd outside.

A couple of Pogues lingered near the porch, laughing over beers and baskets of fries. Their relaxed, judgmental stares followed him like they could smell the kook entitlement on him from a mile away. He bristled, tightening his grip on Wheezie’s bag.

She bounded up the steps and pushed open the door, the bell above it jingling. He hesitated for half a second before following her inside, knowing he was going to regret ever stepping foot in this place.

The air smelled like beer, fried food, and sunscreen. Behind the counter, Sarah stood with her back to them, her hair tied up in a loose bun.

Wheezie cleared her throat loudly. “Hey, Sar!”

Sarah turned, her smile faltering the second she saw Rafe lurking behind Wheezie. Her expression hardened. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too,” Rafe said dryly, crossing his arms.

“I told Wheezie to come by. Not you.” Sarah’s eyes flicked to Wheezie, softening just slightly. “You didn’t need to bring a bodyguard.”

“I wasn’t gonna let her wander around here by herself,” Rafe shot back, his voice low and defensive. He hated the way Sarah’s words hurt, hated that her disapproval still got under his skin after all this time.

Sarah rolled her eyes, wiping her hands on her apron as she stepped out from behind the counter. “Wander? She’s not a toddler. She knows how to get here. It’s safe.”

Wheezie stood between them, looking like she was torn between laughing and rolling her eyes so hard she might fall over. “Okay, can you two stop? It’s embarrassing.”

Sarah sighed, brushing past Rafe as if he wasn’t even there.

“Whatever. You can go now. Wheezie’s fine here.”

He stood awkwardly near the door, arms crossed, glaring at the locals who cast curious glances his way. It wasn’t worth staying.

Wheezie was safe.

Sarah would make sure of that, whether she hated him or not.

With a sigh, hr pushed open the door and stepped back out onto the porch, letting the door slam behind him. He took a deep breath of salty air, rubbing the back of his neck.

He’d barely made it to the dock when he spotted someone climbing off the boat—

“Dude,” Rafe’s brow furrowed as his friend stepped onto the creaking wood. “Thought you were scared shitless of this place.”

“I’m not scared,” Topper lied through his teeth.

Rafe raised an eyebrow, “Right.”

“We ran out of snacks on the boat, and I’m starving, figured I’d raid the stash at the party.”

“Snacks?”

“I’m starving!” Topper argued, throwing his hands up. “And unless you brought a secret bag of chips somewhere, this is my best shot!”

He sighed, knowing there was nothing he could do to change Topper's mind. “Hurry up.”

“Relax, I’ll be two minutes!"

He watched Topper jog away, sighing and leaning against one of the wooden posts.

You were probably in there, somewhere. Laughing, maybe, or smiling that smile he used to wake up to, a smile that used to be for him.

Now, it was for everyone but him.

He tried not to think about you, but that was like telling the ocean not to rise and fall with the stupid tides. Therapy had taught him to sit with his feelings, to not let them rot into something worse, but he was just starting and you weren’t just the girl he loved.

You were the only person who had ever seen him for more than his name, his mistakes, or the wreckage Ward Cameron had left in his wake. You didn’t just tolerate him; you chose him, since day one.

He didn’t deserve you, not then, not even now.

The sound of footsteps broke his focus.

“About time,” Rafe muttered, turning. But it wasn’t Topper.

Sofia stumbled into view, her dark hair wild and face flushed. Her hand gripped the railing for support as she swayed slightly.

He frowned, mildly concerned, “What the f—are you okay?”

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and frantic. “Y-You need to go get Topper. Right n-now.”

His first thought was that she might’ve come here to throw some drunken, slurred insults his way.

The last time they'd spoken, things had ended...He didn’t even know how to classify that mess. But it didn't look like she was there to slam him with any guilt-trips or hurtful words.

She just looked scared.

“What?” His brows knit together as he stepped toward her, “What are you talking about? Are you drunk?”

Sofia waved him off, her breathing panicked. “The T-thorntons.”

That stopped him cold.

“What about them?”

She tried to grab his arm, her eyes wide, “They’re fighting. It’s bad.”

“Fighting?”

It couldn't be just some random fight; this had everything to do with the bullshit Topper had pulled.

Shit.

Rafe wasn’t even sure if he could fix it. Could he? You hated him too, and no matter how hard he tried, it seemed like you’d never forgive him for everything he’d fucked up. But Topper—Rafe didn’t even have to think twice.

He knew you, how you were when you’d had enough. You weren’t the type to lose your shit unless it was really bad.

He gritted his teeth, knowing full well that when you finally let it out, it was never just a “throw a drink and move on” kind of thing. Nah, when you lost it, it was like you’d been holding all this shit in for way too long and finally decided you weren’t gonna take it anymore.

He knew exactly what you were pissed about.

Topper. Of course. And him. Fuck.

He hated it.

The way your voice would rise when you finally let everything out.

You weren’t someone who yelled, but when you did? Jesus fucking Christ, it hit different. Rafe could never prepare himself fully for that kind of fury, especially when it was aimed at him.

He hated seeing you like this, especially when he knew it was because of him. But it was his fault, wasn’t it?

Rafe’s thoughts were a mess as he followed Sofia, who was clearly way over tipsy, stumbling a little, but she was still trying to explain, voice slurring a bit from the alcohol.

“You gotta understand—she was helping me. I wasn’t feeling so great, right? M-my head was spinning, I don’t know… I just needed a little space. But then Topper walked in and he...S-she just lost it.”

He wasn’t even surprised when she mentioned that you’d been helping her out. Of course you would.

You always had that side to you. Even when you were pissed, even when you hated people, you couldn’t help but step in when someone was in need. You hated Sofia, and everyone knew it. You hated the fact that she’d come around right after he’d fucked everything up with you. You hated how fast she seemed to take your place, even though Rafe didn’t want to admit it to himself either.

Still, there you were, trying to make sure Sofia was okay, again. It made him feel like shit. Not just because you were still holding it together when he couldn’t, but because he knew the whole fucking reason you probably didn’t want anything to do with Sofia—because of how it’d felt when he’d jumped into something else so quickly, so recklessly, after breaking your heart.

The sound of raised voices reached him before he even saw you. He could hear the anger in your voice. There was no mistaking it: you were pissed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen you this way, and it fucked with his gut. You didn’t lose control easily. You never let anyone see the mess, the shit you were going through.

Now you were ripping into Topper in a way that made his blood run cold. He rounded the corner and saw you, hands flailing, and he couldn’t help but wonder: When was the last time anyone stepped up for you? It certainly hadn’t been him. Not the way he should’ve.

And then, of course, there was Topper. He could see the look on his face—guilt, embarrassment. But it wasn’t going to be enough. You had to work through it yourself.

Your shoulders were tense, the way you stood, like you could snap anyone who walked through that door in half if they so much as blinked the wrong way, was all too familiar.

Your cousin was standing in front of you, trying to apologize like it was gonna fix anything, but you weren’t hearing it. No, you were done with that shit.

Topper wipped his hands down his ruined shirt, green smears of guacamole spreading across the fabric. “I fucked up.”

“No shit,” you hissed, “You don’t get to come back from this. You have no idea how fucking sick I am of you—” Hands shaking as you shoved him back, your words coming out in short bursts, "You're the fucking worst. How could you—"

You were about to throw something—probably another drink—when your eyes snapped over to Rafe.

For a fraction of a second, he thought he saw your breath hitch. You froze, eyes wide for a second, and then your expression soured.

Your lip quivered before you sucked in a breath and squared your shoulders.

"Not you too,” you sneered, throwing your hands in the air as the world had just dropped another pile of shit on your already full plate. “Oh my fucking god, seriously?"

Your face was flushed with anger, lips twisted in a snarl. You were so fucking beautiful, even when you were fuming. He could see the fire in your eyes, that same spark he’d fallen for all those years ago. You were just... you. And it was killing him.

He was so fucked.

“All of you—” You spit out, “I should’ve known better. I did know better, but I was stupid. So fucking stupid.”

He couldn’t think straight when you looked at him like that, when you had that look in your eyes. Even in the middle of a fight, it was so goddamn hard to look away.

You weren’t just a memory to him anymore. You were right in front of him, and he couldn’t even breathe straight.

Rafe’s throat tightened, feeling something that wasn’t just anger or regret or confusion. He felt longing. He longed to hear your voice, all the time, longed for those mornings when you’d be pressed against him, all warm, the world outside his shitty room irrelevant.

He missed the simple stuff.

He missed your face, the way you’d look at him with that irritation and affection.

It hit him harder than anything had in months—how much time had passed since he last saw that pretty face smile at him like you used to. Since he last kissed your forehead while you fell asleep next to him, since you last fit so perfectly into his arms that he didn’t want to let go.

He didn’t even know how to start getting that back.

He left. Over and over again.

Rafe registered another drink splashing across Topper’s face a little too late, the sound of the liquid hitting his skin pulling him out of his trance. He blinked a few times, the moment dragging back to the mess in front of him.

You weren’t done, though, as if throwing the drink wasn’t enough, you whipped a bowl of guacamole from the table and hurled it at Topper’s face. It splattered across his shirt, leaving a sticky, green mess in its wake.

He didn’t even flinch, still apologizing, still taking it.

“Sis—”

“I don’t want some bullshit excuse! You were supposed to be my family. You were supposed to—” You exhaled sharply, shaking your head because you couldn’t fathom finishing the thought.

And then—slap, slap, slap—you were hitting his arms, frustration flashing across your face as you let him have it.

Your cousin stood there like a fucking idiot, wiping guac off his face, trying to stammer out some kind of half-assed apology.

“You had no right,” you spat, voice breaking on the words. “None. You don’t just walk in here and act like everything’s fine after what you—” your words choked in your throat. You threw another plate, “You had no right!”

Rafe saw it all, saw the tears ready to spill as you wiped at your eyes with the back of your hand. You weren’t crying yet, but he knew that was about to change. And when it did, it was going to hurt worse than the yelling, worse than the throwing.

Before you could even get another word out, Rafe was there, stepping in between you and Topper, his body tense, preparing himself for something, maybe a few slaps across the face, a drink if you felt generous. You didn’t have to say a word, he could sense it in the way your lips quivered, the way your shoulders shook.

“You need to calm down,” He told you tenderly, though it wasn’t a demand—it was more of a desperate plea.

You didn’t listen.

Instead, you shoved him out of the way, the tears starting to slip down your cheeks, but you didn’t even bother to wipe them away.

“Get out,” you snapped, "Move.”

Rafe didn’t budge, he was here for you, he never stopped fucking choosing you even when he had no right to. He remained still, staring down at you with those blue eyes that had always known you better than anyone.

“Fuck, not like this,” Rafe muttered under his breath, stepping forward once more, this time blocking your path before you could reach Topper again. His hands were gentle on your shoulders as he held you back, “Please, stop.”

You froze, eyes wide, like you couldn’t believe it—you hadn’t been expecting him to step in, hadn’t been expecting him of all people to be the one to try and talk you out of it.

Rafe’s heart dropped when he saw the way your body was starting to shake. You were spiraling, he could see it coming—he'd been here before. The way your breath hitched, how your eyes turned glassy.

He still knew the signs all too well.

His hands shot out instinctively, grabbing your arms, trying to hold you still, "Hey, hey, calm down," he muttered, his voice soothing, "You're gonna make yourself worse if you don’t stop."

He could feel the rapid pulse under your skin, the way your body tensed like a coiled spring, and he didn’t give a fuck that you still hated him.

"Look at me," he coaxed, "Please, just breathe with me. You know this ain't gonna help. You gotta breathe."

Rafe’s heart broke all over again as you crumbled in front of him, damn it, he should’ve been there. He should’ve been there when this all fell apart, when you needed someone to hold you together instead of pushing you away.

He hated seeing you like this.

"I’m right here," he said again, softer this time, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand.

Topper stood there, eyes wide, not sure what to do, his face pale as he watched you fall apart in front of Rafe.

Sofia, still drunk and disoriented, caught the look in his eyes and quietly grabbed his arm, “We need to go," she whispered, nudging him, "T-this isn’t helping her."

Topper’s eyes moved to you, and then to Rafe, you could see it in his expression—the guilt, the regret. His lips parted like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out.

Rafe shot him a look, one that said everything—get out.

Your cousin, wiped his face before he took a few steps back. "I’m sorry," he muttered, eyes darting between you and Rafe. "I’m so sorry.”

He turned away like a dog with his tail between his legs, Sofia following him without saying much, leaving you.

Rafe barely paid them any mind, his entire focus on you, his hands still holding yours, as he watched you try to calm your breathing.

He pulled you closer, pressing his forehead to yours, his breath mingling with yours as he whispered again, "Not going anywhere. I’m here, swear to God, I’m here."

His arms wrapped around you, pulling you into him fully, not caring if he was blocking the view of anyone else, not caring if things were a fucking mess—he only cared about getting you back to yourself.

He could feel it in his chest, every shitty thing that had piled up, every moment no one had your back when you needed it most.

You didn’t pull away. Maybe it was the anger finally burning out or the exhaustion catching up to you, but for a moment, you let him hold you. Your chest heaved as you fought for control, but your weight sagged against his hands.

His hands loosened their grip, his thumb brushing against your arm without him even realizing it. He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to risk letting go because God knew if he’d ever get this close to you again.

You’re safe. You’re okay. I’ve got you.

He didn’t deserve it—not even a little, but he couldn’t let go, you needed someone, even if it wasn’t really him you wanted anymore.

Rafe could sense the way your breathing came out as almost pants against his chest. Every little tremor sent a pang through his chest, like someone had grabbed his ribs and squeezed until it hurt to breathe.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Why hadn’t he fought harder?

Rafe rested his cheek against your hair, closing his eyes as he let himself feel it—the weight of you leaning on him. The smell of your perfume, faint but still the same as always. He felt like a fucking thief, stealing this moment from you when he had no right. You didn’t want this from him, didn’t need this from him.

He wished he could take it all back, erase every mistake, the fight, every stupid decision that had pushed you to this point. If he could trade places with you, take all the pain and carry it himself, he would. In a heartbeat.

You took one shuddering breath, then another. It was enough for him to feel like maybe he’d done something right for once. Maybe he could—

“Get your hands off me.”

Rafe barely moved. His grip slackened, but he didn’t let go, didn’t step away like you wanted.

You pushed at his chest, but he didn’t budge. “I said get your fucking hands off me.”

“Not happenin’,” He swallowed hard, his pulse thrumming against his throat, but he didn’t loosen his grip. “You’re not okay.”

“Go fuck yourself. You don’t get to decide that—”

Your voice cracked, and the sound of it nearly knocked the will to live from his body. He’d always known your tells, had always been able to read you better than you liked.

Rafe’s hands twitched, and then he moved them, moving like he was about to let you go—but then you did it.

You curled your arms around yourself, your fingers gripping the fabric of your dress, right over your stomach. Protective.

Fuck.

Could it be? It was an unconscious gesture, you probably didn’t realize you’d made, but to him, it might as well have been a fucking confession.

Rafe felt his body lock up, every muscle going rigid as the pieces fell into place.

Fuck fuck fuck. Topper was right, wasn't he?

His throat went dry, he managed to croak out, “You’re—”

“No,” you snapped immediately, your fingers tightening on your dress, but you wouldn’t look at him.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I don’t need you.”

He knew he was losing you.

Rafe exhaled sharply through his nose, shaking his head. “Bullshit.”

“Fuck you. You don’t get to— say shit like that. You don’t get to—” Your breathing hitched, and you bit down on the inside of your cheek.

“To what? To give a shit?”

He waited, watching, hoping, praying—please look at me, baby, please—but you didn’t move.

You scoffed, a bitter sound.

“You don’t care. You just don’t like the idea of—” Your breath caught, but you swallowed it down, pushing past the lump in your throat. “You don’t like the idea of me making a choice that doesn’t involve you.”

He hadn’t breathed properly since he saw your hands gripping your stomach, hiding yourself from him like you thought he was something to be afraid of. Like you thought he wouldn’t love you.

You thought he wouldn’t fucking stay.

“I love you.”

He barely recognized his own voice when he said it, but it was the only thing he could spill out. He swore to God he saw your left eye twitch at the confession, he knew what came next, but he’d never been good at shutting up when he should when it came to you.

“I do,” he insisted, “And I know I don’t—I don’t deserve to say that. I don’t deserve to expect anything from you.” His throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. “But I need you to know it.”

You clenched your jaw.

“I fucked up, I know. I fucked up so bad.”

You turned your head to the side, blinking up at the ceiling, refusing to spare him a glance. “I don’t want you to fix it.”

“I know,” he said immediately. “I know, but I can’t—I can’t just let you go through this alone.”

Your chest rose and fell too quickly, your breath uneven, but still—you stood your ground. “I don’t need you.”

“Please don’t say that,” he nearly dropped to his knees. “Please.”

You looked at him, since he’d realized what this meant, you lifted your head, met his gaze—really met it.

And shit—It nearly destroyed him, because he knew that look.

“Where the fuck were you, Rafe? Kissing her two months after we ended? Huh—” Your breath shuddered, and you shook your head, stepping back, “You didn’t even wait. You just—just moved the fuck on like I never even mattered—”

“It wasn’t like that—”

"Did you fuck her?" Your lips curled into a faux smile. "That’s what I thought."

"No,” He added quickly, shaking his head like the thought alone disgusted him, "No, I didn’t."

You chuckled disbelieving. "Don’t lie to me."

"I’m not," he said, stepping closer despite the way your body went rigid. "I didn’t touch her like that. I swear to God."

"But you wanted to, right?"

His head moved so fast it gave him whiplash, "No. The only person I’ve ever wanted is you.”

You scoffed, “That’s real sweet, real fucking poetic.”

“I let my own shit get in the way, and I hurt you. But I swear to God, I’ve never stopped loving you.”

“That supposed to make me feel better? You fucked off to play house with some other girl,” You swallowed hard, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Why were you there with her? Why did you let me think—"

"Because I’m a fucking assshole," he admitted, "I was trying to forget you, okay? But I couldn’t. No matter what I did, it was always you."

“Fuck you.” You snickered. “Where were you when I finally got my internship? The one I worked for, the one I wanted so bad?” You shook your head, “You didn’t even text me. Not once.”

His throat was tight, his pulse hammering, because he had thought about it—so many times, so many nights staring at his phone, fingers hovering, but he hadn’t.

Rafe’s heart plummeted.

“I—”

“You what? You forgot?”

His nails bit into his palms, “I—”

“You don’t get to speak,” you seethed, you eyes burning through him. “You don’t get to fucking say you care when you weren’t there, when you didn’t even fucking check if I was okay.

"I'm sorry."

"Where the fuck were you,” you whispered, voice shaking with grief, “when I found out I was pregnant with your fucking kid?”

Rafe froze, his stomach jumped around, violently, his ears started ringing. His brain short-circuited, his lungs forgot how to take in air, his heart fucking stopped.

Pregnant.

Pregnant. With his—

“Oh, right.” Your laugh was venomous, “You showed up at my charity gala.” You licked your lips, shaking your head, “Defending her.”

He never felt so completely useless, completely fucking helpless while you stood in front of him, looking up at him like you hated him.

“I—” He started, but nothing came out. “You—”

There was nothing to fucking say, you were right, he had failed you.

You weren’t telling him this so he could weigh in or because you wanted him to be a part of it. You were telling him so he’d know, so there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings, so he wouldn’t ever think, even for a second, that there was still a version of this where he got to be a part of it.

“How long?” The words were hoarse, hardly audible.

Your lips curled in disgust, arms crossing tight over your chest. “Like you fucking care.”

He did, he did care.

So fucking much that he thought he might fucking die under the weight of it. Except the realization hit him just as quickly—he didn’t get to stand here, wide-eyed and breathless and shocked like this wasn’t the natural conclusion to the shitshow of mistakes he’d made.

“Don’t fucking stand there and act like this is some big revelation. You didn’t spend the last months with your tongue down someone else’s throat while I was home—sick, alone—wondering how the fuck I was supposed to do this without you.”

You sucked in a sharp breath, pressing your knuckles to your lips to stop them from shaking.

His gut twisted.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Jesus Christ, he’d been so fucking stupid.

“I don’t need you. I never did.”

It was a lie, maybe you even believed it.

But Rafe knew you, understood how hard it was for you to ask for help. Knew how much it had hurt to stand in front of him, admitting the truth. And Rafe—he needed to fix this. Even if it was the last thing he ever did.

“I should’ve been there.”

“Yeah? No shit.”

Rafe felt his ribs caving in. “I’m here now.”

“That’s not good enough.”

It was a death sentence, it was fair but fuck, he couldn’t accept it.

Rafe stepped closer.

You took a step back.

“Don’t.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he swore, desperate. “I don’t care if you fucking hate me, don’t care if you never forgive me.” His throat worked around the lump in it. “I’m here.”

You were so fucking angry. So fucking hurt. He didn’t blame you for it. But if he didn’t try, if he didn’t fucking show you—prove to you that he was here now—then he’d never forgive himself.

“You think I’m gonna just forgive you for this?” you sneered, arms folded tightly over your chest. “Just because you’re here now, just because you say the words that mean nothing—that’s enough? After everything? After all of it?”

All he could do was look at you—look at the person he had ruined, the person he had loved, and still loved, more than anything.

“I just—” He sucked in a breath, running a hand through his growing hair. “Tell me about the baby.”

Your expression faltered before you hardened again, lips pressing into a thin line.

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“Bullshit.” His voice broke. “Don’t do that—don’t shut me out. Is it... a boy? A girl?”

You hesitated, shifting uncomfortably on your feet. “Why does it matter?”

“Don’t—don’t keep me in the dark, please. You’ve felt them move?”

You looked down at your feet. “No.”

"Did you—uh—" He rubbed the back of his neck, nerves raw. "Do you have morning sickness? I read that happens early on, right?"

You blinked, "What?"

"Like... throwing up and all that? You okay?" He sounded genuinely concerned, but it only made your head spin.

You pinched the bridge of your nose, “Can we drop it?”

It’s then he remembers the beach cleanup, the memories of that afternoon colliding all at once—the way you’d collapsed into him, pale and unresponsive. The panic that gripped his chest as he carried you to the truck. The fight during the drive, when you told him to leave, your refusal to let him come inside.

Jesus fucking Christ.

“You were…” He pratically gasped, “You were pregnant. At the beach cleanup.”

You stiffened, already dreading where he was going with this.

“Don’t.”

His pulse raced, “That’s why you didn’t want me to come inside the hospital, wasn’t it?” His words spilled out, “You were scared they’d tell me. Holy shit.”

“Stop,” you snapped, but he couldn’t.

“You passed out because of—” He couldn’t even finish the sentence. “Jesus Christ.”

“I said stop.”

He couldn’t unsee it now—couldn’t unfeel your dead weight on his arms. He’d been right there, clueless, driving you to the hospital while you were carrying his baby. And instead of being there for you, he’d made everything worse.

“I didn’t know,” he pleaded, voice breaking. “I swear I didn’t know.”

“Exactly.” Your voice was cold, “You didn’t know because you weren’t there.”

He was going to have to spend that entire fucking inheritance fortune on therapy

TAGLIST: @maybankslover @october-baby25 @haruvalentine4321 @hopelesslydevoted2paige

@rafebb @rafesbby @whytheylosttheirminds

@zyafics @astarlights @bruher @nosebeers @carrerascameron

@serrendiipty @sunny1616 @yootvi @ditzyzombiesblog

@psychocitylights @maibelitaaura @kiiyomei

@stoned-writer @justafangirls-blog-deactivated2

@starkeygirlposts @enjoymyloves @ijustwanttoreadlols @icaqttt

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abbinurmel · 4 hours ago

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As someone who's been diagnosed also with this disorder only very recently in my late 30s, I too can attest this is not what normal PMS is for women. Pmdd is a very frequently undiagnosed and serious issue. I for the longest time just thought I was simply an unhinged person or that I'm just having regular PMS symptoms and I'm too sensitive about it. This is not a normal kind of behavior to have; being moody and irritated is not the same thing as constantly feeling like everyone would rather you dead or just unbelievably pissed or crying over everything. There's a clear difference between "uggggh, blah, it's Monday, grumble grumble, I'm tired and wish I could stay home with some tea, hate this, ugh your so annoying right now, sigh mumble grumble grumble... 😑"

and

"I suddenly wonder how it'd be best to kill myself/others and get away with it??...y'know, just for random amusement sake. What are all of the most efficient methods? Hmmmm. I mean I am not sad, not really, okay maybe, but y'know, I just am preparing for the probable inevitiability I am gonna do it someday in the future, we might not know why, but, y'know, we'll figure it out. This isn't a mental disorder symptom, relax, this is me just being numb and tired and "Practical". ...besides, does my boyfriend even love me?? Probably not. I bet everyone else despises me too. I bet they always did. Every month I always piss somebody off, they're all probably so tired of my shit anyway. I'm such a ugly piece of shit and the world is dying and nothing is good and nobody ever loved me and nobody ever will and I'm just a dumbass surrounded by dumbasses and I'm going to decay into a sickly old woman in just three months and-"

STOP.

Kids please, get PROFESSIONAL HELP if this stuff happens to you all the time. Get on Zoloft, or exercise, or take birth control or seek talk therapy, or change your diets, whatever it is you and your gynecologist decide you need. It is not a joke. You need to practice discipline against this thing, and you will need the aid of being able to recognize there's medically something ACTUALLY BEHIND THIS AND IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Ever since I've been on the right correct dosage of sertraline meds/taking Primrose oil supplements to treat my symptoms, I've already noticed huge difference. It was also a huge difference when I finally managed to get birth control in my arm implant after I turned 30, compared to what I was like every single cycle during my teens and my early twenties. I was an absolute mess. I still get meltdowns from time to time but they are nowhere near the volcanic levels they used to reach, unless stressful unforseen circumstances or someone pushes my buttons in a severe way. It's now so different. NOW I can feel just weary and grumpy, uncomfortable, tired, and "meh". It's about the same as how you emotionally should feel like, while having a minor cold. No one gets a cold, and thinks they are worthless or definitely going to die, be it thru self harm or body dysfunctions they paranoid guess at.

You should just feel KINDA CRUMMY and TIRED. That is all. No worse feeling than dragging yer ass on a cold day out of bed early to a job you begrudgingly tolerate, not even despise... Any friends and loved ones around you (that already respect you) will tolerate that state you are in/be whom they always are. And if they somehow don't, your healthy brain has the dignity and logic to say "well too bad y'all, I am having a COLD, so, I am mucus-y and cranky and gross. It's not a big deal. I just ain't having sex going to work or socializing with family today, deal with it🤷. 🙄 sigh."

If you have PMDD, the above scenario isn't what happens. What happens is tears, cursing, fights, physical abuse or substance abuse or impulsive acts. It's days of neglecting hobbies, chores and self care, just choosing to without telling anyone that you're staying locked up in your bedroom in the dark for hours, and feeling days or weeks of miserable, thoroughly aimless bitterness and ennui. A daily exhausting slog ends up leading into straight up sickening amounts of constant self loathing, severe insomnia, and contempt for humanity and every inch of your body. You will not stop naval gazing or feeling like your life is going nowhere and it can't be ignored for even a minute.

And THE SECOND you bleed, it just... Stops. It's both a relief and actually distressing in itself how abrupt it is. The minute my period happens, I feel 10x less emotionally shitty and unfocused, even if my body is saying AGH, FUCK, SHIT, DAMNIT

Pre-menstrual depression is always depicted as like "He He! I had a box of icecream bars and cried while watching the Titanic!" But in reality, it's more like, "I'm standing the edge of an abyss. There is nothing good inside of me, I'm filled with rage and desperation."

It's crazy that being told how to deal with that is never a part of anyone's menstrual sex education.

#pmdd #pms #depression and anxiety #periods #mental health

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alotofpockets · 2 days ago

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Stay where you are | Keira Walsh x Reader

5k celebration prompt: "Stay where you are. I’m coming to get you."

Woso masterlist | Words: 1.5k

-----

Today had been a long day, and it was finally time to pack up and go home. The rest of your coworkers had already left, but you had to finish some work, so you had stayed behind. After packing your stuff and closing up the office, you made your way to your car.

When you reached your car, you went through your bag to find your keys. You were so exhausted that you had just tossed them into your back, so of course they had made their way to the bottom of the bag.

Once you finally find them, you unlock your car and sit down with a sigh of relief. Finally time to go home and relax. You slot the key into the ignition and turn it to start the car, but nothing happens.

With a frown you tried again, twisting it harder as if that would make a difference. The engine made some noise, but it still refused to start. You felt the panic set in as you tried time and time again, but your car still wouldn’t start.

You let out a frustrated groan and let your head fall back against the headrest. Why did this have to happen today of all days? You were exhausted and just wanted to go home, order some dinner, and relax, but no.

For a moment you look at your girlfriend’s contact in your phone, wanting to call her to pick you up. But with a shake of your head you put your phone away again. Keira was hanging out with her friends today. A night out with some of the girls on the team she had said before you left this morning.

You knew that if you called she would drop everything to come and pick you up, but you knew how busy she had been lately. She deserved to enjoy her night off and to hang out with her friends uninterrupted.

The bus was your next best option. The nearest bus station was only a few blocks away, so you got out of your car and locked it again before taking off. It was dark out already. The past few weeks it had started getting dark so early, but you should be fine because there were plenty of street lights lighting up your path towards the bus stop.

That feeling of thinking you should be fine, faltered after you had just turned the corner off of your office’s street. At first it just felt like someone was walking behind you, that feeling quickly got confirmed when you heard footsteps.

You felt your chest tighten. It was probably nothing, but still the thought of someone following you was enough for you to be on edge.

However, the longer you kept walking, the less you were convinced that they weren’t following you. Only one way to find out, you thought, and took the next turn right. The bus stop wasn’t to the right, but you were going to take three more rights to come right back where you just were to see if they were really following you.

With your phone in hand, you pretended to check for directions, trying to act casual in case the person behind you really was following you.

Your heart was nearly beating out of your chest as you turned the last corner and were back where you started, with the person still behind you. Your feeling had been right, someone was following you.

Trying to act like you hadn’t noticed them, you kept walking. Getting into a bus right now wasn’t a good idea. What if they followed you home? So, instead of taking the left to head to the bus stop, you took a right to take you into the city centre.

You didn’t stop walking until you made it into a bar. A crowded place, with plenty of people around to keep you safe if necessary.

Your heart was still beating rapidly when you got your phone out of your pocket and dialed Keira’s number without thinking twice.

“Hi love, is everything alright?” Keira said as she picked up the phone. You could hear muffled noises in the background, she was clearly in a crowded area, out with the girls.

“I’m sorry I called and interrupted your night out, but I think someone is following me.” You scanned the room to check if the person had followed you inside. “Wait, what? Where are you now?” Keira’s voice instantly turned to worry.

“I was walking to the bus stop because my car wasn’t turning on, and someone was behind me the whole time. I even walked around a block and they still followed me. I didn’t want to go home in case they-” You started rambling, but Keira stopped you.

“Hey hey, take a deep breath.” She waited to hear you do so before asking, “Are you somewhere safe now?”

“I’m at our bar.” You didn’t even have to say which one you meant, Keira knew that our bar meant the one that you had met, and had gone too often to celebrate your relationship. “It’s crowded, and I thought it was safer than staying outside.”

“Good thinking, love. Stay where you are. I’m coming to get you." Wait, that’s not what you intended, you just wanted to hear her voice, not for her to drop her night out with friends. “Wait no, you don’t have to. I’ll just-”

“No. Stay where you are. I mean it.” You could hear her already moving, keys jingling, muffled voices in the background as she hurriedly spoke to someone. “I’m with the girls. We’ll be there in ten.”

You could hear by the tone of her voice that there was no convincing her to not come and pick you up. Still you were about to argue again, but that died out the moment that you saw the person that had been following you. Well you hadn’t seen their face, but they wore the same black hoodie and jeans that you had seen when you had been faking looking for direction.

“He’s inside.” Your voice dropped to a panicked whisper as you were trying to move further into the bar so he wouldn’t be able to see you.

Keira’s surroundings had started to sound different, but you didn't notice. You were way too panicked to hear that she was already on her way. “Make sure you stay near the bar or close to people, okay? Stay on the line. We’re about five minutes out.”

You did as Keira said and moved towards a crowded section at the bar. Keira’s voice was the only thing keeping you from freaking out. “I’m scared.”

“I know, love. You’re okay and you’re not alone. We are almost there, I promise.” Five minutes sounded fast, but they felt forever as you kept going over the crowd to see if he was coming closer to you.

And then finally you spotted Keira, followed by Ona and Patri. They searched the bar for you, and were relieved when they saw you unharmed walking towards them.

Keira immediately wrapped her arms around you and held you close. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.” Ona and Patri stayed close, looking around to check that no one was following you, while Keira guided you out of the bar.

The rest of the girls were waiting outside. Aitana was talking to the security at the door, and when she laid her eyes on you she motioned you to come closer. “I’m so glad you’re okay. Can you describe what he looks like? I told security what happened, so they are going to kick him out after we’ve left.”

You nod and tell the security guard all the details you knew. He told you he would take care of it, and that he wished you a safe rest of your evening.

Keira, who hadn’t left your side since she found you at the bar, wrapped her arm around you and guided you to the car. “Thank you.” You said softly.

“You never have to thank me for keeping you safe. Just promise you’ll call sooner next time, alright? I would come pick you up if you weren’t in danger too, no matter what.” You nod, “I promise.”

When you got back, you expected them to just drop you off and continue their night, well everyone except Keira. You didn’t think she would leave your side any time soon. But all of them got out of the two cars and followed the both of you inside.

“You guys should continue your night out, I’m okay now.” You tried to tell them, but they weren’t having it. None of them were planning to leave any time soon, so you all decided to watch a movie together. Pina got to work on ordering everyone some food, while Vicky looked for a movie to watch.

Meanwhile, you sat leaned into Keira’s side with her arm wrapped protectively around you.

She held you close, her fingers drawing soothing patterns on your arm. The comfort of her presence, combined with the chatter of the girls as they settled in, began to ease the tension that you had been feeling in your chest since you left the office.

Keira pressed a kiss to your forehead. “We’ve got you.”

-----

💗 If you enjoyed this fic, please consider liking, commenting, and reblogging! You can also supporting me by leaving a tip 💗

#pockets 5k celebration #keira walsh #keira walsh x reader #woso #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso imagines #england lionesses #lionesses #lionesses x reader #engwnt x reader #engwnt imagine #engwnt #barca femeni x reader #barcelona femeni x reader #barca femini x reader #barca femeni #barcelona femeni #barca women

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opt1mistic · 2 days ago

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TAKE A BITE OUT OF ME

❦ vampire!caitlyn x reader .𓏲 cw: cannibalism, smut, blood, oral(r!receiving), pain kink, orgasm denial, caitlyn is a little crazy... tis is some nasty i am not gonna lie. this was proofred at 3 am so if there’s any errors pardon any and all. wc: 0.8k. viewers discretion is advised.

note: testing the waters…. masterlist | caitlyn masterlist

𖥻 ───── dim lit room, shadows of the moon over your bare torso. fresh darkened blood leaking from wounds of fangs, as lips slips away, in silence it hangs. her tongue drags over your pussy, eating you like a starved beast.

one arm warped around your hip, the other traveling up your shivered thigh, over the hip, to your stomach. her bloodied palm leaving a print that may stain.

caitlyn's lips, cold, sucked your clit, bruising. it felt good, the pain of sweet torment. her nails digging into the skin over your left rib cage; drawing silver. caitlyn's palm is moving down your body again, hooking her arm around you other hip.

blood leaping from the cavity of your chest, the feeling of pain traveling down your veins, sending more shivers over your body, a body aching in misery. her touch hurt, it's pain is agonizing on your skin. it claws at your insides, twisting like a serpent, tightening with every breath.

a tight knot in the very pit of your abdomen, on the verge of release. the feeling of that knot untying getting oh so close, and it all stops. the knot disappearing, perishing into thin air. chin of slick moving up your body, kissing every inch in sight.

the freshly created wound by her hand, blood still flowing out. caitlyn's lips latch onto it, smothering blood over her lower face. your blood was like cruel kiss on her tongue, iron heavy, spilling into the soul and coating every thought with it's unholy sweetness.

"mhhaa-" you feel her sharpened fangs dig into the already torn skin of your chest. punctuating the holes she made with her nails even deeper. and she's giggling. psychopathic laughter, caitlyn is enjoying the fact that you're in pain. that her pleasure is your pain.

she completely pussy whipped, high off you. the saccharine flavour of your blood and juices mixing, swirling around in her mouth. your fists are clenching the bed sheets, your knuckles are white.

the abused vessel you call a body, attempting to withstand pain is a form of torture. pain you endure because it makes her feel good. the more blood she take from you the more empty you feel. the tension slowly leaving your limbs and your lids feel heavy.

tears pick up in your eyes, salty droplets of water seeping down the sides of your face. it hurts so much, but it feels too good to stop. caitlyn wasn’t some evil monster, if you didn't want this she’d stop. but you've never wanted the pain to stop. you favoured it. you wanted— needed, longed, for more of it.

"b-biahhhte...bite. me...." you yelped, as a new wave of pain filled your body.

your words hung in the thick clouds in that dark filled room. bite me... caitlyn has done it many times, but she knew what you meant, what you really wanted. you wanted her to take a bite out of you. to eat you.

you wanted her to taste your skin. the muscle that layed over your bones. the meat around you, to devote yourself to her, tell her that you loved her.

so, her teeth pierce, let your flesh give way, for in the taking, you believed love would stay. a devotion carved in blood, in pain, in skin, a vow that began where fangs sunk in.

to be consumed was to belong,— belong her, to feel her cold touch was to be strong. if surrender was love, then you'd bare your soul, your body the offering to make you whole.

your skin rips, the stretch of it as she rips, rips and rips. the small flesh she's taking is forever to be hers. her small piece of you that she would remember forevermore, a scar you'd carry till always.

caitlyn lifts up from you, straddling your exposed hips. she's smiling, happy. blood falling from her lips, and the cluck of skin she just swallowed filled her up like a feast.

chopper, laced with poison, your poison, you feed it to her. bloodied limbs, you're too weak to move, to say 'thank you', you stare at her satisfied expressions. caitlyn is joyed, in bliss.

swiping over her lip, blood filled lips, shoving her bloodied finger into your mouth. making you taste the silver poison. caitlyn is pressing her chest against yours, her lips find yours and she kisses you.

the burning pain of her bite forced more tears from your eyes. blood gushing out from your chest, excessive amounts of blood. you try to grasp onto thoughts but it's too much, then your hand reaches to cover your wound, as you feel the sensation of your fingers on the hole, you go limp.

closed eyes, with one final thought you grasped onto: will i wake up? or will she eat me?

you wished to see the light tomorrow, to wake and find her by your side. but deeper still was the quiet yearning — to be taken, loved, and lost to her hands, a tender end you couldn't deny.

taglist: @r3starttt @sapphicides @halle5s @child-of-plut0

©opt1mistic

#𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬 / ੭ #ꕤ caitlyn #vampire!caitlyn #caitlyn kiramman x reader #caitlyn kiramman #caitlyn x fem reader #caitlyn x y/n #caitlyn smut #vampire caitlyn #caitlyn arcane #caitlyn x reader #caitlyn kiramman arcane #caitlyn kiramman x you #arcane

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jo-speaks · 2 days ago

Note

rprt au idea: the moment he realized he fell for you was during a ride. where you fell asleep on his shoulder. *kisses forehead*

FINALLY FALLING

✶ right place, right time masterlist ✶

overview: an early morning car ride lets quinn hughes realize exactly what he's feeling.

warnings: none!

wc: 819

note: earlier than i said, but i got too excited!! also, thank you so much for 500 followers! i appreciate every single one of you and im happy you guys enjoy my works :)

It was early, about five in the morning. Quinn had asked you to coffee the night before, wanting to see you before his morning skate. You had obviously agreed, wanting to spend as much time with him knowing he’d be travelling away from Vancouver in the coming weeks.

It had only been two months, but he knew you were unlike any of the other girls he had talked to in the past. He put his car into park, rounding around it to open the door for you as he saw you and Chilli coming down the stairs of your apartment complex. He could see your smile even in the distance, and he felt butterflies in his stomach. His eyes trailed over your body, grinning at your oversized sweatpants and Canucks hoodie he had given you, claiming you’d, “need it when you come to a game.”

It wasn’t long before you and Chilli were in front of him, the golden retriever jumping up lightly, paws on his thighs. “Morning, Q.”

Quinn smiled, keeping his eyes on you as he met Chilli halfway to pet her, “Good morning. You guys ready for coffee?”

He opened the backseat door, letting Chilli hop in and get settled. You laughed at how quickly she sniffed his seat and laid down, finding a new self-proclaimed home in his car.

You looked at him, “Holy, she really likes you. It takes me ages to get her in the car whenever we go out.”

This got a small laugh out of Quinn, his eyes glancing at the dog, then back at you, “Can you blame her? I’m great.”

“Do cocky and great mean the same thing?” You snorted, nudging his shoulder as he chuckled, rolling his eyes playfully.

Quinn backed up, opening the passenger door for you, “Whatever, get in.”

You patted his arm with a smile, stepping into the vehicle. He walked back to his side, settling into the driver’s seat before taking off. Once out on the road, there was a comfortable silence for a few seconds, both of you enjoying each other’s presence.

You let out a yawn, leaning further back into your seat as you struggled to keep your eyes open. Quinn chuckled, taking a glance at you before focusing on the road ahead of him. “Tired?”

Nodding, you stretched your legs out in front of you, your legs shaking slightly as your muscles relaxed. “M’not normally up this early.”

The sun normally rose at seven, so the Vancouver skies weren’t completely dark, but it was still grey and foggy. It was calm, but the gloominess of it all made the desire to be in bed all the more great.

“You can take a nap if you want,” He said softly, reaching his arm to turn on your seat warmer, “The coffee shop is about twenty more minutes from here. I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

You smiled at his tone and volume, the softness of the whole situation causing your face to warm up. “Are you sure? I don’t want to bore you.”

Quinn scoffed, “Bore me by sleeping? Y/N, trust me, just being with you is enough for me. Besides, I’d rather you have energy when we’re actually in there.”

His words had an interesting feeling bubbling in your stomach. Most guys would be trying to talk your ear off in an attempt to keep you up or would’ve called you boring and suggested dropping you back off and trying again some other day. But Quinn… was different. He made sure you were comfortable and reassured you of your decision. Sure, maybe it was the bare minimum. But that didn’t change the fact that you were struggling to fight off a smile when he grabbed his phone and threw on some soft music.

“Thanks, Quinn.” You mumbled. Something about your exhaustion had you forgetting that you two were only friends, the thought not crossing your mind as you sat up a bit, scooting over in your seat and leaning your head on Quinn’s arm. You looped your hand around his arm, getting cozy in the small space.

You were already drifting off into sleep, so you couldn’t see the way his eyes widened and face flushed, muscles tensing before relaxing under the warmth of your hold. He stopped slowly at a red light, making sure the car didn’t jolt back. His eyes trailed down to your sleeping figure, your eyes shut as your soft snores echoed throughout the car.

He smiled and looked back to check on Chilli, who was splayed across his back seats, her own breaths matching yours.

Quinn knew exactly what he was feeling now.

Seeing you around his arm and your dog feeling so comfortable with him, in his space, left no question for what that fuzzy feeling that flowed through his body was. It was undeniable.

Quinn Hughes had a crush on you.

#jo speaks #right place right time au #quinn hughes #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes imagine #qh43 #quinn hughes fluff #quinn hughes fic #quinn hughes fanfiction #quinn hughes x you #vancouver canucks

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cryinggirlnamedhelen · 1 day ago

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junior.

synopsis: holding your child for the first time is always the first step to becoming a good parent. and…what now?

ft; itoshi rin, mikage reo, barou shouei

a/n: my tiktok is cryinggirlnamedhelen with a thanos pfp from squid game season 2. follow me if you want to.

itoshi rin

rin didn’t know how to feel about the cries and yells inside of the delivery room.

it wasn’t common for husbands in japan to stay with his wife during labor, so rin waited outside, pacing around with beads of sweat rolling down his temple. sae and rin’s parents sat on one of the benches while your parents sat on another, hands clasped together and mumbling prayers.

god, rin wasn’t even this nervous during the finals at the world cup.

stupid isagi and bachira had begged to come, and when they came, they just kept on asking what rin’s thoughts were on some stupid names for the baby that they had come up with. rin had shooed them away, and the two were now in the cafeteria, getting food for you when you would finally be done with the painful labor.

rin’s palms began to sweat; why was it taking so long? was it really normal for you to be screaming bloody murder in there? rin didn’t like hearing you in pain, not at all. each of your yelps and cries felt like a stab to rin’s heart. if he could be in there and stay by your side, he would in a heartbeat. but the doctors didn’t want him to be there, and rin trusted the doctors more than himself.

and finally, the high pitched cries of a baby erupted.

everyone stood up, and isagi and bachira came just in time with mountains of food on each plate that they held. the moment a doctor came out of the door with a smile, rin sprinted through the door and kneeled down by your side.

he placed a hand over yours, your skin pale and your breaths shallow, although to rin, you still looked like an angel. “rin. he’s healthy. he’s got your lashes.” a shaky smile made way to your lips before a doctor gently handed rin your newborn baby.

a tuft of dark green—almost black—hair was atop his head, and long underlashes that has been in the itoshi family for generations made way onto his eyes. rin felt his chest tightening, and his eyes began to water.

why did he feel so prideful of someone who he had just met?

the baby boy’s eyes opened; a bright teal, the color of sea glass. rin stiffened; was his kid going to cry? was rin holding him too tightly? did he fail at a father already?

but the small boy just smiled up at rin.

rin’s eyes gleamed, tears glossing over his turquoise irises like the most expensive porcelain china. “hey,” rin whispered softly. rin smiled gently when his son giggled softly. “you must’ve recognized my voice from when i used to talk to you through your mom’s stomach, huh? your mom’s amazing, she just delivered you through so much effort.” isagi and bachira stared from the doorway with their jaws dropped, although isagi’s eyes soon softened.

rin didn’t know why he loved this child so much. he didn’t know why a smile crawled to his lips the moment he saw him. he didn’t know why he felt the need to protect him forever. it scared him a little, but rin knew this feeling well, and he welcomed it.

after all, it was how rin felt when he had first met you.

mikage reo

reo once again winced at the sound of your screams, holding in even more tears and begging that your pain will end soon. once again, he asked his butlers and secretary the same thing as a few minutes again. “is everything there? her favorite foods? her favorite video games and snacks? her favorite movies? that one drink that the nurse recommended that was good for women who just gave birth?”

nagi, who was sitting on one of the benches and was dragged here by reo, replied tiredly, tapping away at his console. “reo, we just checked 3 minutes ago. they’re all here. even your butlers seem tired of this.” reo sent him a glare.

“reo, honey, you should sit. the nurses didn’t want you in there for a reason.” reo’s mother’s attempts at coaxing him were weak, and reo wouldn’t budge from his position standing right next to the door of the delivery room. “they knew that your crying during her pain would distract them.”

reo ignored his mom’s words. he had even tried bribing the nurses into letting him in before realizing that he really would just be a hindrance to deal with in the middle of trying to deliver a baby. a crying husband probably wasn’t a good addition to a screaming and wife.

suddenly, the screaming became higher pitched, more wet, more…alive.

your daughter was born.

without needing any confirmation from the doctors, reo shoved the door open and ran in, sitting on the chair right next to your bed that was placed by the doctor who had cleverly predicted his intrusion. “love, are you okay? does it still hurt? are you hungry? tired? how are you feeling? do you—“

“reo, im okay. thank you. and…” you weakly gestured to the nurse who held your baby wrapped in a bundle of purple blankets. instantly, reo stood up and took the baby into his arms, his eyes brimming with warmth.

“she looks just like you. she’s just as beautiful as her mom.” reo whispered, sitting on the chair again and gently cooing at his newborn daughter. he gently tickled her cheek with his pointer finger, and she giggled. reo’s heart melted and his eyes began to water again before he sniffled. “you’re like an angel. both you and your mom.”

reo’s parents walked in, discussing something about the future heir of the company, although reo ignored them for now. he’ll have to talk to them about how he wanted his daughter to follow her own path at another time. but for now, he just wanted to value this beautiful moment with his wife and newborn daughter.

nagi walked in, reading the room and shoving his gaming console into his jean pocket. he walked to you. “reo panicked a lot, and you screamed a lot. was it really that bad?” at your weak nod, nagi’s eyes widened a little bit. “wow. im suddenly really glad im not a woman.” a glare was sent from both reo and a few nurse.

reo glanced down at his daughter again, and his eyes softened, as if his daughter were the most precious thing in the world. “i love you so much.”

reo barely even knew this newborn girl for a few minutes, but she was always tied for the most beloved person in his heart: tied with you.

barou shouei

barou grew up with two younger sisters. he tolerated and loved them through temper tantrums, periods, puberty, boy heartbreak, and girl problems. he’s been changing their diapers, teaching them how to walk, feeding them, and cooking for them ever since they were infants.

so why was he so nervous about his own daughter, who was soon to be born?

barou didn’t tremble as he waited outside of the door, nor did he cry when he heard your wails and moans of unease. however, he was awfully stiff and overly snappy, even for barou. even when his beloved sisters tried to talk to him to ask about you and your soon to be born daughter, barou was practically already yelling.

when barou’s mother tried to calm him, barou couldn’t bring himself to reply, knowing that he would say rude things that he would regret later on to his own mother. he’d rather not risk it, and instead just nodded, trying to believe that you’re okay in there and that you’re trying your best, which he knows you are.

when the wails of a newborn baby daughter reached barou’s ears, he pushed open the door without even using the handle and instantly stood by your side.

“are you okay? was it too bad?” barou knew that he was being weirdly gentle, but how could he not when his wife just gave birth? you were pale, panting, and beads of sweat rolled down your face and neck, but you were still drop dead gorgeous in barou’s opinion.

“no, not at all.” you whispered. “you know what they said? they said that she’s one of the healthiest they’ve ever seen, maybe the the healthiest. you really did spoil and pamper me during the pregnancy, huh?”

“well, what else was i supposed to do? mistreat you? im not heartless.” a nearby nurse offered barou to hold his daughter, in which he accepted. same colored hair as him, and when she looked up, the same ruby red eyes as him. only difference? her eyes were soft and full of warmth like yours.

barou didn’t think that anything could ever be more perfect than you, but maybe he just found a tie.

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rebelfell · 23 hours ago

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for your viewing pleasure┃vol. 1

pornstar!eddie x director!reader

all my pornstar!eddie blurbs together at last b/c I hated how I published them originally. the og posts are still here, but they have been edited/expanded somewhat, and I’ve included a “finale” of sorts that is new! index for this story is here.

cw: pornstar!au, so…porn. but it’s also a kind of fantasy porn company/industry, so not really at all based in reality or fact. sex work, oral sex (f & m rec), public-ish sex, piv sex.

18+, MDNI┃8.7k

special thanks to @urhoneycombwitch for helping come up with like 90% of this via mutual flailing in my inbox 🥰 ilyaaf

After dark thoughts about pornstar!eddie…who gets fired from his first job.

Because he’s great at sex, but bad at porn.

So, so, so bad. Like, he’s incredible at eating pussy, but incredible because he does it with his whole face completely buried in his co-star. We’re talking fully and wholly submerged in her folds, as though she’s his breathing apparatus.

And that’s great for her, but terrible for camera.

They keep stopping him, telling him he has to pull it back, that they have to see her pussy and they can’t with his big head and bigger hair blocking their view. But much like a dog that’s been told to leave a treat where it is, he keeps edging closer and moving back in little by little until he’s right back where he wants to be—and they’re yelling “CUT” and scolding him all over again.

And the girl is getting frustrated because, like, she’s about to actually come and she looks at the director with this look of pure desperation and ‘just do me this solid—please?’ in her eyes.

So he finally lets Eddie get her off and just films super tight on her face and her trembling legs so it’s really obvious how real it really is.

And so they can move the fuck on already.

Then they’re filming the fucking, and once again Eddie is fucking like he would fuck in real life and the way he fucks in real life is Not. Good. Porn.

He’s not just slamming into her without any care; he’s not using her to get off; he’s trying to make it good for her. And it is very, very good for her.

Like so good, she’s this close to giving him her number once they wrap for the day.

Her boyfriend of six years be damned.

And once they wrap, Eddie’s not exactly “fired” but he’s pretty sure he’s not getting called back.

Except then the movie comes out and BLOWS UP. People are obsessed. Women are buying it in droves (who knew women even watched porn??) and the VHS is back-ordered to shit.

So the production company is like, “We gotta lock this kid into a contract. Now.”

And just so we’re clear, he gets that contract.

But he (rightfully) feels like he has a bit of juice behind him and refuses to work with that director ever again. And they agree to his terms, but that first guy is hardly an anomaly and Eddie is still butting heads with these other ass hats who keep trying to force him to do it their way.

“My buddy, my guy, my man, you’re fucking her like she’s a person and that’s not gonna sell. It may have worked for you before, but no way does lightning strike the same dick twice.”

So Eddie walks. And he’s ready to call it quits entirely…until you approach him.

Because you are former talent, trying to branch out and direct, but no one will take you seriously. So you went to the heads of production and told them even if all they gave you was a shoestring budget and one Eddie Munson, you can spin some gold. Spoiler alert—you do.

You come to Eddie with your vision of porn for women: story-based, more realistic dialogue, and real orgasms. Some of the same tropes, but done in a way that doesn’t feel so tired and gross and vapid and soulless. Something new.

Something different. Something special.

And, oh. He is so on board with that.

Meanwhile, back in Hawkins, the rumor mill is milling. Because how in the hell did Eddie “The Freak” Munson become a sex symbol overnight? It has to be a deal with the devil—that’s the only possible explanation, right? He clearly sold his soul for a magic cock and a porn career.

And Steve Harrington is LIVID.

He would have bet his entire college tuition Eddie was a virgin, but now every babe who comes into Family Video is renting that damn tape.

They’re literally pouring in looking for it, marching straight to the back, going behind that red curtain where normally only the creepers go. And they don’t so much as blush when Steve scans it.

Robin teases him about it mercilessly. Tells him maybe if he watches it, he’ll pick up some new moves. And, like, Steve has watched plenty of porn. He can’t imagine Eddie is doing anything that earth-shattering. There’s only so much to it, you know? People must just be caught up in the novelty of it being someone that they kind-of sort-of know. It will wear off, it has to.

Then he watches it.

And, oh…Steve has been doing sex all wrong.

For one, he wasn’t going down on girls. He just wasn’t. He’s not like…against it, or anything. But he sort of didn’t realize that was a thing? He lost his virginity in high-school for fuck’s sake—what did he know besides porn and magazines? And that was all the same, so wasn’t that what girls wanted? (Oh, you sweet summer dingus, Robin would shake her head and lament later.)

Secondly…the girls he was with never sounded like that. And he never realized just how fake all those other “orgasms” in porn sounded until he heard the real deal. Now he can’t un-hear it.

From that day forward, for almost two months, they are short one copy of Eddie’s tape because Steve snuck it home in his bag one night after closing. For research purposes only.

No, seriously.

Eddie is a fucking star. Literally.

The second you and he get together, (in a, ahem, professional sense) something shifts. It feels like a long-laid plan plotted from a distant corner of the vast universe has finally come to fruition.

Your first tape is a smash. The camera you get is barely a step up from a hand-held camcorder, but it doesn’t matter in the slightest. Even with a bare bones crew (you wind up doing a lot of the sound, the lighting, the editing yourself) and everyone doubting you from the jump, it’s a hit.

The concept isn’t anything crazy—Eddie shows up to deliver a pizza, and instead the girl accepts his delivery. But you add a twist: the pizza is for a poker game her boyfriend is hosting. He canceled date night for it and she’s been sitting out here all alone while they play in the other room.

Not on Eddie’s watch.

He goes to town on her, bringing her to the brink three or four times while her boyfriend’s pizzas go cold on the countertop. You push the camera in close on both of them, really trying to give the sense of Eddie as a person. So he’s not just another disembodied guy with a nice dick.

Although his is very, very nice.

His personality shines through when he does things like hike her leg up to fuck into her pussy deeper, chasing her pleasure like her high is his own; and when he grins down at her all devilishly as she tries to stifle her sounds so her “boyfriend” won’t hear; or when Eddie mocks her, making her own little whines and huffs and squeals right back at her in a way that is so infuriatingly hot.

He talks her through it, locking those big brown eyes of his on her, clutching the back of her neck while she tries to block her moans, until at last she can’t hold it back any longer and explodes.

And you have the sound guy stand off to the side and call out, “Everything okay in there, babe?” after she’s done. Nothing but a shuddering, trembling mess on a black leather sofa.

Cut. Print. That’s a wrap, folks.

Eddie is a dream to work with. He’s collaborative and creative; he communicates effectively and often. You guys are like two halves of the same brain, often anticipating what the other wants before they even know it themselves.

It’s alarming, almost. To be seen so clearly.

Even short on crew, equipment, time, money—you can’t seem to fail when you’re together.

The one thing you’re never short on is actresses. Ever since Eddie’s first tape came out, word of mouth (pun intended) has spread. Rapidly. And since you know most of them, you know who to hire. You know which ones are the flakes, which ones are divas, which ones will vibe best with the kind of set experience you’re trying to create. So Eddie trusts your judgment, completely.

He just waits for you to tell him who he’s fucking and then he does it. And he does it so well.

The fucker has chemistry with everyone—down to the guy who brings the sandwiches when you break for lunch. He’s so charming and funny and considerate practically to a fault. He’s fully dialed in from the moment he steps on set to when you wrap for the day. And afterwards, he’s checking in with you, making sure you got exactly what you wanted, asking if you want anything else, if you need him to stay because he’ll be happy to.

It’s…completely and utterly disarming.

He has every right to be a full blown asshole. This entire venture hinges on him and his magic dick, so his head should be as big as a hot air balloon. But he doesn’t ever stray from that unflagging decency that’s so rare in this industry.

And you pray he never will.

It’s Eddie who pitches your next film.

He’s got this notion of a good girl—a cheerleader—who’s having a hard time and goes looking for weed from the mean and scary tattooed dealer.

(One guess who’s playing him.)

Except he’s not so mean and scary. He’s actually kind of a goof, mock-stabbing himself in the heart and flailing around like a clown, throwing himself off the picnic bench you and he dragged out to this clearing at the ass crack of dawn.

All part of the vision, he assured you.

They look great on camera. His dark, wild hair and clothes and everything in direct contrast to her sweet, round face and bright pastel hues and soft waves. Chemistry’s off the charts, as usual. She starts out really nervous and fidgety, but he makes her comfortable and flirts, offers the bud at a discount. And then her brow cocks daringly and she asks if he has anything…stronger.

Cut to her being eaten out like a banquet spread out on this table in the middle of the forest.

It’s oddly lush and romantic with the rich color of the leaves and the dappled sunlight that filters in through the branches—a foil to the lewdness of their acts and their wanton sounds.

And when they’re dressed down to nothing, bare skin on bare skin on gray weathered wood, they look almost like forest nymphs or elves caught up in the throes of passion, secluded in the trees.

Especially with the leaves still clinging to Eddie’s hair from when he fell off the table.

Not for the first time, you feel a certain twinge of something that squirms low in the pit of your stomach while you watch them.

Except you’re not watching them…because you can’t take your eyes off of him.

After you wrap, he hangs back. Asks what you thought of the shoot while he helps break down the equipment. Blushes when you tell him you loved it and how good he looked. Explains how it was inspired by these daydreams he used to have about this one girl he knew in high-school.

And you almost, almost, ask him about her—but you’re cut off by a PA who runs up in a panic.

The studio is calling, and they’re pissed.

They’ve just gotten a look at the contract you had drawn up. Rights to a boutique company under their banner, unlimited use of their distribution channels. Full creative control and intellectual property rights to anything and everything.

Plus exclusive use of Eddie.

(Effectively nullifying that horseshit deal they originally gave him for a much, much better one.)

You know they’re gonna fight you on a lot of it—you swung big so you’d have plenty of room to negotiate—but it will all be worth it when they fold. Because you and Eddie have big plans.

You both know you’re onto something special and you’re in it together, to the end of the line.

Apparently, Eddie is also interested in editing.

He shows up to the production offices on a day he’s supposed to be off, but knows you have the editing bay reserved. Brings you coffee and an egg sandwich like a literal angel on earth.

An angel dressed like the devil, maybe. Because he’s got on this tank top with arm holes that’ve been stretched way, way beyond their natural elasticity, drooping down around his ribs and flashing glimpses of his tattoos and the tops of his obliques. And you aren’t entirely sure why you’re getting all hot and bothered over a tank top when there’s not a single intimate inch of his body you haven’t already seen up close and personal through your viewfinder.

In fact, it’s the same body you’re watching fuck the shit out of that girl on the picnic table from a few days ago. And he’s wearing a whole lot less than a tank top.

You share a brief chuckle over it—the fact that his bare ass is flickering on three screens while you scroll through footage. And it’s not so much that it’s awkward, more like you’re mutually tickled by the fact that it’s not? There’s not an ounce of self-consciousness left between you two.

In a way, it’s like there never was.

He asks if you want any help, or if you mind him sitting in. He’s interested in the process, thinks it might help him on set too. There’s such a rich vein of enthusiasm and curiosity in him, a real thirst to be better and to learn. It’s ridiculous it took him three tries to graduate.

You think it’s a great idea…at first.

But then you’re watching him on the screen with him sitting right next to you. His earthy, woodsy scent layered with the smell of his soap in your nose; his recorded grunts and groans of pleasure in your ears coming through your headphones that are starting to slicken with the sweat.

It’s all wildly distracting. And you must be some kind of masochist, because (not for the first time) you can’t help but wonder how he makes all these women come the way they do.

“So, uh, what…what exactly are you doing here?”

You clear your throat, trying to cover the tremor in your voice as you ask. Eddie scoots in closer, his eyes darting between yours and the screen as he describes the way he’s using his tongue, swirling it around the edges of her entrance, plunging it deep inside her while his nose pushes firmly on her clit. Pretending not to notice your chest heaving with his every word.

“How do you even breathe?” you chuckle.

“I find my moments,” he says.

Smirks back. Winks.

And uh-oh. When did his hand touch your knee? When did he start to rub his thumb over your bare skin through the hole in your jeans? When did his long, ringed fingers start to curl under your thigh to squeeze it? When did he start to lean further into your space? When did you get so wet?

He’s close now. It wouldn’t take anything for you to bridge the gap and let your lips meet his. You can’t, though. You don’t. Because it would be so…stupid. It would be wrong and bad, and it could jeopardize both of your careers. Everything you’re working towards, totally gone.

You’re starting the porn for women movement, here. You can’t fuck your first star!

And you don’t. You keep it professional. You tell him you’re going to call it a day and head home so he’ll do the same. But later that night, when he calls with some new ideas for a script, asking if he can run a few lines by you (just to know how it sounds out loud, you know?), and you wind up having the most insane, mind-blowing phone sex of your entire life…Well, that’s different.

That’s totally and completely different.

The next time you see him, it’s business as usual.

You knew it would be. You two are nothing if not consummate professionals, fully committed to this endeavor. Neither of you would dare let your goals be derailed by a silly little crush.

And it is just a crush. It has to be.

Just the natural result of working so closely with him; of seeing him so completely in his element; appreciating his work ethic and his creativity.

Not to mention the fact that you are consistently watching him have the hottest sex you’ve ever seen in your life. But that’s unrelated.

The next shoot is your biggest yet. It’s at this massive mansion that you’re dressing to look like a spa with two massage tables set up by the pool that looks like something straight out of a resort. Eddie is playing a masseur who offers a lonely, neglected housewife consolation in the form of his cock after her husband chooses work over their couples massage.

After the success of the pizza delivery tape, you think it’s best you lean hard into the “Eddie fucks it better” sort of storylines.

Because why not play to your strengths?

Except that the call time of your female lead has come and gone and she’s nowhere to be found. You know Trina, this isn’t like her, she’s never late. But you called and got no answer. Twice.

The light is perfect, everyone’s in place…but there’s no one for Eddie to fuck.

Even if you could get a replacement, it would take at least an hour for anyone to get out here and that was being generous. By then, the shoot would be way behind and you’ve literally only got today in this stupid model home before some fucking billionaire moves in tomorrow.

It’s gonna be a massive loss of time and money if you don’t think of something. Like, right now.

Eddie can see you’re stressed. He comes over and you huddle by your storyboards. And neither of you has to say it, but you both are thinking the exact same thing. As per usual.

You could do it.

You’re here, for one. And you’ve done this plenty of times. It just makes good business sense.

It’s been a while, and you’re not quite “camera-ready” after not having to be for the past couple of months, but you and Eddie have been talking about using more normal-looking bodies; bodies that jiggled and had hair where it grew naturally and are authentically real, regular bodies.

The camera guys know what sort of shots you want and you’ve got a bigger crew now—people who know your vision and can help bring it forth.

Plus, you’ll be with Eddie. You know he’ll take care of you. He’ll be sure that you get exactly what you need, no matter what. You’d bet your life on it.And, well…you and he did just rehearse your lines the other night.

The shoot is…interesting.

From the outside, it goes great. Perfect, even. Eddie looks all kinds of cute in his white polo and white pants. He’s got his long hair twisted up off his neck, a few loose tendrils framing his face.

And you somehow forgot until he puts his hands on you the first time that the whole concept for this shoot was born out of the fact that he actually went to massage school for real.

Before you even get to the sex stuff, you’re putty in his hands. He moves them up and down your calves, slides his thumbs over your muscles in a dizzying pattern en route to your thighs.

You’re not even faking the deep moans of relief you let out as he moves up higher and higher… arousal promptly pooling between your legs.

He starts going through his lines, striking that perfect balance between his casual, trying-to-be professional voice, while slowly getting more and more desperate and possessive.

As if he’s constantly fighting the urge to take you right then. Right now.

Telling you how awful it is your husband chose work over you like this; how you should always be his number one priority; how Eddie would never let you out of his sight if you were his…

His hands reach your ass and he grips one round globe in each, spreading you apart so he (and the camera) can see how you glisten, the sunlight reflecting like it does off the water in the pool.

You wait for his next line—when he offers you a very ‘special’ massage with a ‘special’ technique he ‘doesn’t use on just anyone.’

But Eddie goes off script.

He licks a fat, wide stripe directly through your folds and your head pops out of the little headrest at the end of the table, the pure shock and delight on your face captured instantly by the camera.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he pleads, his tongue still swirling in between the words muffled by your ass cheeks, like he can’t stand to take it away, even to speak. “I had to taste you…”

“It’s okay,” you moan, voice nearly cracking in a dry sob, “It’s okay, just please don’t stop—”

And he doesn’t. He keeps going until you come, until you’re reaching back behind you to grip his hair as you push your hips back to meet every thrust of his perfect tongue. From there, it’s back to regularly scheduled fucking. He stays on script, peppering in the sort of ad-libs he knows from experience get a good reaction every time—

That’s it sweetheart, you’re doing so well for me.

Your husband doesn’t know what he’s missing.

This pussy is all mine now, you understand?

And, yeah, that stuff gets you off, no problem. But it’s the other stuff he does—the quieter, subtle things you aren’t expecting—that really push you over the edge again and again. And again.

It’s the things he whispers (actually whispers, not stage whispers) low in your ear so you’re the only one who can hear. You feel way too good/I gotta slow down or I’m gonna come/I know you faked that last one, gimme a real one now—

It’s…it’s almost too much. You knew he’d be good, you just didn’t expect how good.

And you definitely didn’t expect to feel the way you do when he checks in between takes: asking if you want more or less of anything, making sure he’s not being too rough, telling you how great you’re doing, apologizing again for that initial snafu. It makes you all…fluttery.

But it’s not until after you wrap for the day, after you’ve gotten in the shower at home and start to wash off the massage oil spread all over your skin, that you realize Eddie never kissed you.

Not once.

When Eddie calls later that week, it’s to ask you out. Not on a date, though.

Which is good. Really, it is. A relief, even. Because contrary to the way your heart leapt into your throat when he asked if you were busy this weekend, you absolutely cannot date him.

It doesn’t matter that you’re attracted to him. Or that you came out of your eyeballs multiple times with him the other day. Or that you haven’t been able to think about anything besides him since.

You. Can’t. Date.

You’re pretty much his boss, don’t forget. Maybe not technically, maybe not on paper—but if you start something up with him, it will be messy and complicated and it could put everything you and he have worked for in jeopardy. More than that, you don’t want anyone thinking he got where he is by any other means besides his hard work (pun intended). He’s earned everything he’s gotten.

And now that includes an award.

That’s what he’s calling about. He’s been nominated for what is essentially the porn equivalent of an Oscar for that first tape he made. And now he has to go to this ceremony, except he’s sort of freaking out because he’s never done anything like this before and he’s really nervous and he kind of needs you there because ‘you’re the only one I’m always comfortable with.’

So he asks if you’ll go with him. As friends.

And you say you will. And it’s fine. You can do this, you can do this, you can do this—FUCK.

Why does he have to be so hot? Showing up in a black Prada suit with a sheer shirt underneath? Almost as bad as wearing nothing under it at all. Worse, maybe.

It’s unbuttoned nearly to the middle of his torso, layered chains dangling low, hanging around that tree trunk of a neck you can’t stop wishing you could sink your teeth into, wrap a hand around—

Nope. Nope. You’re not going there. The only place you’re going tonight is these awards.

Except when you get there, the organizers don’t want you photographed with Eddie. At least not arriving together. People still aren’t familiar with you as a director, and you haven’t starred in a project in months. That’s practically a century in porn time.

Plus, the tape Eddie is nominated for you didn’t even work on. It wouldn’t make any sense.

Eddie is immediately poised to protest, but neither of you is given much of an opportunity. While you’re shuffled into the long line of people already being photographed in front of the venue, he’s being whisked away so he can walk with the girl he starred in that very first film with.

You know her, sort of. You did a group scene once upon a time. She’s a biter.

They even sneak him into her limo so it looks like they came together. He gets out first and then holds out a hand to help her, a storm of flash bulbs going off, making her jumpsuit sparkle.

And you tell yourself not to watch. You try to smile pretty for your own pictures and look like you are having a good time. Or at least not look like you’re chewing on glass. But it’s…difficult.

Especially when you look up at the worst possible time—the exact moment she places a dainty hand on his chest and he turns his face toward hers, their lips meeting for a long kiss.

Long enough for every camera there to capture it.And the very last shot they get of you that night is one of your back as you head inside to get a drink. Or ten. Trying not to think about this sour, putrid, inconvenient feeling in your chest.

Eddie should have walked with you.

He should have done a lot of things, actually.

He should have told those uppity event coordinators to fuck off. He should have ignored that girl from his first film when she whispered under her breath for him to look at her. He should have dodged that sticky, tacky kiss she planted on his lips without any kind of warning.

He should have asked you out for real instead of hiding behind this ‘as friends’ bullshit.

Maybe if he had, he’d be tasting your lipgloss instead of the glittery mess he was wiping off his chin. Maybe it would be your hand in his as you walked the carpet. And maybe it would be him getting you a drink and clinking his glass with yours instead of the guy you’re with right now.

Eddie knows him. Well, he doesn’t know him, he recognizes him from a tape with some absurd name like Sex Kittens 4 that featured a surprising amount of doggy style, considering the title.

Plus you in a never-ending stream of animal-print bikinis.

(He definitely did NOT go looking for every movie you’d ever made. No, that would be ridiculous. He just sort of…happened across one. Or five.)

And it’s not that he’s jealous—because there’s nothing to be jealous of. You met him doing a job. A job very much like the one you did with Eddie. You’re just catching up with an old coworker.

It’s fine. Totally fine. Did he mention it’s fine?

But then Tom Wanks put his hand on your hip, and before Eddie can take even a second to think, or to rationalize his actions, he’s striding up to you and taking your hand to drag you away.

The beaded fringe on your dress swishes noisily as he brings you with him behind a curtain that was set up as a backdrop for more photos. In the shadows behind it, your eyes glint a little meanly and your voice is barbed when you ask what the hell is the matter with him.

And he’s really not sure.

Because much like you, he’s not used to this; he’s not used to not saying exactly what is on his mind at any given time; he’s not used to holding anything back—not when it comes to you.

“I should have stayed with you,” he blurted out at last. “That was messed up, I—”

Your face falls and you dodge his gaze. “It’s fine, Eddie. Don’t worry about it.”

“But I am worried about it,” he shot back. “I could have said something, I could have told them—”

“What for?” you mutter, arms crossing in front of your chest. You look at the floor, hurt. Not just hurt, disappointed. “I mean, what…what would be the point? It’s not like we’re…or that you’re…”

He watches the words stall behind your lips, all of them trying to fight their way out like people on a crowded bus. But in their efforts, they only wind up clogging the exit so nothing gets through.

“God, listen to me!” you laugh bitterly. “I sound like some crazy, jealous…something, and I don’t know why I’m getting this upset when you don’t even like me—”

“Wait, what? Who the fuck said that?”

He can tell you’re shocked by the panic that rises in his voice, staring back at him wide-eyed.

“Wh-when we were filming, you never kissed me. So I thought…”

You fell silent as Eddie’s hands covered the sides of your face. Softly cradling your jaw, his thumbs brushing over your cheeks, he stares straight into your eyes and determinedly holds your gaze.

Your breath stuttered, so lost in those deep brown pools you could hardly recall your own name. And even if you could speak, you weren’t entirely sure what you wanted to say.

Luckily, Eddie gave you something better to do with your mouth.

His lips meet yours in a gentle brush. His hold on your face never tightens, but you can feel the way his fingers flex like he’s resisting the urge to grip you harder. There’s a tenacity in his kiss, as if he’s trying to savor the taste of you, but struggling not to devour you whole.

You break apart too soon for his liking. He easily would have stayed there forever. And he braces himself for whatever might be coming—a slap across his face, a knee straight to his balls.

He might deserve both, but receives neither.

You don’t pull back so much as an inch, happy to let him keep your face close to his. He inhales shakily, still breathing you in, “I didn’t want the first time I did that to be on camera.”

You chuckle at him, dazed and grinning, trying to decide if this is a dream or not. If it is, you don’t ever want to wake up. You want to live in it. Your own hands creep up his stomach, tugging on his silky shirt, feeling the way he shivers in it when he feels the caress of your fingertips.

“What about the second?” you whisper.

And then he’s kissing you again.

Deeper. Hungrier. Messier.

He’s not kissing you like it’s his job; like he’s just doing what was written for him in a script—he’s doing it like it’s the only thing he’s ever wanted, desired, chosen to do. Like it’s all he needs.

Your bare back meets the cool wall as he pushes you up against it, sliding his hand inside the slit of your dress, hooking it under your knee to hitch your leg over his hip. He presses every single inch of himself against your seam, harder than he’s ever been in his whole fucking life.

The closest second being when you and he filmed just a few days ago.

You claw at him, pushing his suit jacket off his shoulders, pulling open more buttons on his shirt until the gossamer fabric tears and unravels.

“More,” he begs, kisses trailing down your neck. “Fucking please, sweetheart, I need more—”

Your hand takes on a life of its own, sliding down to cup his length through the luxurious suiting. It causes him to release a deep, desperate moan you can feel his lips spreading apart to let out. The sound of it ripples through your body like an electric shock in every extremity.

The dull roar of the crowd right on the other side of that curtain is only barely enough to cover the sound of you and Eddie’s passions. His touch is so enthralling, so engrossing, you are this close to letting him fuck you right there.

Room full of people be damned.

Eddie seems to have the same idea, his mouth blazing a trail down the middle of your chest and stomach as he drops to one knee, his other foot planted to support himself as he drapes your leg over his shoulder. A rush of excitement floods your body as you realize his intentions, fingers sliding into his unruly curls to grip them at the crown of his head.

But the very second his fingers pull your panties to the side and his tongue finds its home in your folds, a commotion breaks through your bliss.

There’s a loud crash as a cater waiter stumbles into the curtain obscuring your entangled bodies and drags it down with them as they fall.

Light floods the darkened space and a sound of collective amusement ripples through the crowd. No one is exactly surprised to see people hooking up—but it’s usually not until the afterparty.

Cocktail hour isn’t even over, for crying out loud.

Then they realize who it is.

The shutters of opportunistic photographers snap as you give Eddie’s hair a sharp tug. But he just moans loudly—too absorbed in what he’s doing to even realize what’s happened.

Finally, you pull him off your clit and he looks over his shoulder at the rest of the room.

Another round of snaps and flashes go off and his eyes return to yours, brightening when he sees the way you’re covering your mouth, fighting back laughter. His own lips, still shiny with your arousal, spread into a wide grin. His gaze lands on an emergency exit and he jumps to his feet, taking your hand in his and pulling you towards it tucked securely under his arm.

Flipping off the room behind him as you leave.

Together.

The trip back to your apartment is the longest cab ride of your life.

Whereas on the way to the convention center, you’d ridden mashed against your door trying to leave a respectable distance across the middle seat, Eddie practically has you in his lap on the way back. It’s like he thinks he’ll die if he stops touching you for even a second—lips on your neck, his hands roaming hungrily, whispering filth in your ear under the cover of the radio.

You do your best to catch the driver’s eye in the rearview, trying to shoot him an apologetic look or at least mouth a wholly insincere ‘sorry’ for the display. But he seems unphased.

Still, you stuff a wad of extra bills in his hand as you scramble out of his car. Unceremoniously crashing through the front door, you’re lucky not to break it down in your haste to get Eddie inside.

Of your apartment, that is.

Lips locked for every step across your cramped studio, you tumble to the bed and let out a soft grunt when a plastic hanger digs into your back. Hearing you yelp, Eddie pulls back and can see you’re lying on top of the ten or so discarded outfits you went through trying to decide on what to wear tonight. Sequins rustle under your bodies as the bed shakes with your gentle laughter, and Eddie drops a kiss to the tip of your nose before he climbs off you. Reluctantly.

He watches while you gather the dresses strewn across the bed, smiling when you try and stuff them back in your closet, fumbling with only the amber street light filtering through your blinds to see by. When you finally turn back to face him, he’s still smiling. Head tilted at you, eyes slowly raking over your form, heart rate picking up in his chest when yours do the same to him.

The pause is nice. It gives you both a minute to catch your breaths, for your brains to catch up with your bodies. Your steps turn careful and slow as you move towards him. With trembling fingers, he pulls open the last remaining buttons of his sheer shirt and lets it fall to his feet.

Remembering only just now that his jacket is still on the floor of that hotel ballroom.

You come to a stop in front of him and he closes the distance left. He reaches around you and pulls down the zipper of your dress, fingertips dragging lightly along your spine as he reveals it.

It’s the closest you’ve ever come to feeling like a gift someone is unwrapping.

With your dress pooled around your ankles, Eddie’s hands are free to wander. He runs them up and down your arms, sweeping them along the inside of your wrists to twine your fingers with his. He brings them to his lips to kiss and the sight of plush pink brushing your knuckles is bordering on being too much to handle—more erotic than anything you’ve ever filmed.

He’s going slow because it’s slowly dawning on him what you’re about to do.

And how this time it’s not going to be for work or for a camera. It’s going to be real.

Except…is it going to be real?

Should he do something different than what he did when you filmed? How can he, when he used all his best moves during the shoot? Shit…

He doesn’t want you thinking he’s just doing with you the same thing he does with everyone else; that this—that you—aren’t special to him.

Then suddenly, he’s not going slow anymore.

He’s stopped completely.

“You okay?” you whisper.

“Y-yeah,” he chokes out, like the word is made of sawdust. “I just, ahhh…I don’t know, I think I’m psyching myself out? Thinking too hard.”

“Thinking about what?” you whisper, your teeth tugging back your bottom lip.

His head just shakes, eyes still scanning your face while his thumb lightly strokes your jaw, until he lets out a sigh that’s heavy with fondness and whispers, “How I don’t want to mess this up.”

He takes another deep breath, letting his forehead rest against your own as his chest shudders. Confounded as to how something he’s done in front of a whole-ass camera crew could make him feel so self-conscious when it’s just you here with him. A few seconds of silence pass until his lips part in a smirk and his gaze cuts to the side, right to where a camera would be.

“Is it just me…or does it feel like something is missing?”

It takes a few minutes of digging to find your old camcorder buried in the depths of your closet.

Eddie chuckles when you emerge, brandishing it with a flourish and a little ta-da! before you set it on top of your dresser pointed at the bed, angling it slightly to properly frame the shot.

The red light blinks as you hit ‘record,’ barely taking a second to check if there’s a tape inside. You let it run, capturing your figures half in shadows as he sits on the bed and pulls you into his lap. He helps you settle on his thighs, runs his hands up the backs of yours, slips his long fingers under the elastic band of your panties to rest on your hip. He pulls them back and snaps them softly on your skin, earning a hum of approval from behind your pressed lips.

You wriggle on top of him and delight in how it makes his chest reverberate with a low groan.

“That better?” you whisper, the answer to your question immediately stiffening underneath you. He nods fervently, his voice tight and strained as he struggles to keep his cool.

“Wanna taste you,” he grunts out roughly.

He moves his hands to grip your waist so he can flip you underneath him, but your hands find his shoulders and stop him before he can.

Big, doleful eyes look up at yours, his face etched with concern as you shake your head. His bottom lip wobbles as he searches your face for why.

In a reassuring press, you mash your lips to his and lace your fingers behind his neck. You kiss all the air out of his lungs, until his fingertips are digging into your flesh hard enough to leave ten tiny bruises. You kiss him like you’re trying to take the weight of the world off his shoulders, like you’re going to accept his every burden as your own so he doesn’t have to carry them alone.

There’s a quiet pop as your mouths separate and you press your chest flush with his, wrapping your arms around his neck so your lips find his ear as your nose nudges through his curls.

“Tell me you want me,” you whisper. “Tell me how much you want this.”

“I don’t want it,” he groans back, “I need it. I’ve needed it since I fucking met you.”

The heat in his voice, the rumble of it in your ear, causes a wave of arousal to rush through your body. You unwind your arms from around his neck and slip slowly, painfully slowly, from his lap to stand between his legs. You place a finger under his chin and tip his face up for him to look at you, your thumb settling in the tiny dip at its center. Too small to see, it could only be felt.

“Everyone always uses you,” you tell him softly, almost mournfully.

His eyes stay wide and hopeful, never leaving yours as you sink down to your knees. His long, dark lashes flutter as your hands run up his muscled thighs, the edges of your thumbs grazing the outline of his cock. He hisses through his teeth and you grin devilishly at the sound.

“I want you to use me,” you instruct him. “Take whatever you need, as much as you want.”

And you can literally see how your words affect him, his eyes bugging wide as the wheels in his head are turning behind them. He reaches out to touch your face and you turn it to kiss his palm.

“Sweetheart, I—oh, fuck,” he gasps, cut off with your sudden squeeze of his clothed cock.

“I’ll stop you if I need a break,” you reply firmly.

The muscles in his neck pull taught as he nods. He leans back on one elbow, reluctant to let his other hand leave your face. You kiss his bare stomach along the top of his waistband and he curls his hand around the back of your head, gripping it tighter when you tug down his fly.

And you knew Eddie’s dick well by now. You knew it inside of you as well as out. But there was nothing that could have prepared you for the sight of it tonight. Thick, and veiny, and weeping with pre that dribbles down its sides. He’s almost ashamed of it, almost embarrassed by how hard he is for you; by how close he is to blowing his load when you’ve not even gotten started.

It was practically a miracle he didn’t soil the inside of his suit when you pulled his hair earlier.

His pupils are blown out when your eyes meet his, your lips hovering so close to his cock he can feel your breath on it. Saliva pools under your tongue so rapidly, you almost feel like you’re at risk of it spilling out of your mouth and running down your chin when you speak.

“Fuck my throat, Eddie. Please.”

And he does. He lets you set the pace at first, still holding fast on the back of your head he watches your lips surround his tip. His chest heaves with deep, gasping breaths as you take him fully into your mouth and start to bob on his perfect cock. It’s almost too much, too perfect, the feeling of your warm, wet mouth and your soft tongue and, fuck, your hand—

He pants wildly as you cradle his sack, your fingertips stroking them and spreading the spit from your mouth that’s dribbling down his shaft to his balls. They tense in your palm and his stomach tightens the faster your mouth moves, the more your throat relaxes to take him in deep.

The man who gives the best head imaginable finally having the favor returned.

“Jesus Christ…”

Eddie's words are whispered like a prayer and you look up to take in the sight of him.

Eyes pinched shut, his brows drawn like he’s in pain even though the sounds he’s releasing are nothing short of euphoric. You tease all the most sensitive nooks and crannies of his cock, all the places that make his eyes roll back and his head loll on his shoulders and his chest heave. Every ridge, every vein, every muscle that twitches under the attention of your tongue.

“Oh, pl…p-please,” he gasps, tightening his hold on your hair to still your movements as his hips start to move in an instinctive and primal thrust.

He hits the back of your throat and you swallow more of him down, taking him deeper, deeper until your nose brushes the wiry hair at his base.

You groan around his length, enthralled by the exquisite ache of him hitting your soft palate, and the sound is Eddie’s undoing. He lets out a long, low moan and spills hot and thick down your throat. His arm trembles as he fights his own iron grip on the back of your head, forbidding himself from pulling your hair. You can feel the tremors of his fingers against your scalp.

His abdomen spasms as you stroke him through the aftershocks, flirting with overstimulation. Fucked-out eyes, heavy-lidded and sleepy, but nothing short of reverent, find yours and they’re wet—shiny, shimmering with tears that crowd their rims and threaten to spill down his cheeks.

Quick as you can, you’re on your feet cradling his jaw to ask if he’s okay. And Eddie can’t answer, can only nod as he kisses, kisses, kisses your palm, the heel of your hand, your wrist, down the inside of your arm all the way to your elbow.

He can’t kiss you enough, it seems.

You giggle softly as you sit beside him and reach out to ruffle his bangs, tucking some of his hair behind his ear and letting your touch linger on his neck. With the pad of your thumb, you brush a tear that has leaked out of the corner of his eye. He looks back at you with a smile and swipes the pad of his thumb along the corner of your mouth to wipe away a drop of his spend.

And you know there’s still a lot left to figure out—damage control that will have to be done, difficult conversations that will have to be had. There will be whispers and rumors and sidelong glances.

Not to mention the firestorm those pictures of you two at the ceremony will undoubtedly stir up.

But none of that matters right now. Nothing does, beyond this bed and this night. Nothing else even exists outside the confines of this room.

All that matters is you and him.

You lay there for a while, just…being. Your fingers tracing his tattoos and the soft planes of his chest and stomach; his, the slope of your shoulders and the lines of your body he’s always wanted to know better. Quiet words pass back and forth, teasing jokes and soft confessions. Admissions of fears that held you both back and don’t seem so daunting anymore. Don’t seem so scary.

When he’s hard again, you pick up the camera and point it at him as you guide him to lay on his back. You push in close on his face when you sink down fully onto his length and start to ride him at an egregiously slow pace just so your shot holds steady. And because he looks so pretty taking it.

“Something wrong, Ed?” you goad him a smidge, toying with him in more ways than one when your pussy squeezes so tight around his cock it makes him lose his breath and pant out of control.

“F-fu…fuuuuuck meeee…” he whines and writhes, throwing his head back into the mattress.

“Oh,” you chuckle at him, speeding up just a hair, “I’m sorry, is that not what I was doing?”

His head jerks up, eyes ablaze as he stares you down through the camera lens. You peer at him over the top of the viewfinder and shiver despite the thin layer of sweat building on your skin.

Okay, yeah, that might have been a little too far. Or just far enough, you think, almost giddy.

“Nah,” he growls, the corner of his mouth curling up in a smirk. “Sorry is what you’re gonna be.”

A loud squeal bursts out of you as he rolls your bodies to the side and pins you underneath him, somehow managing to keep himself seated inside you the whole time. Breathless, you watch as he takes the camera from you and practically tosses it away so he can hold your arms over your head. For a while, all it captures is a blurry close-up of your duvet cover, the frame shaking in time with every deep, solid thrust of Eddie’s hips that rattles the entire bed and you in it when he gets going.

Your moans and his grunts mix in a symphony that will surely earn you some side-eyeing from your neighbors tomorrow, but you can’t bring yourself to give a single ounce of a shit.

The song that you make together swells to a crescendo as you topple over the precipice you’ve been dangling off the edge of practically from the moment you met him. Eddie fumbles like mad for the camera and picks it up, recording your blissful expression before he swoops in to press his lips back to yours. Kissing you like he’s trying to eat you, like he’s trying to fuse your faces.

You’re certainly not complaining.

And now that he’s the one with the camera, he’s eager to keep going. He pans it up and down your whole body, guiding you into every filthy position he’s been imagining all those long nights alone in his bed. Through his eyes behind the lens, there’s not a single angle on you that isn’t pristine.

He gets you up on all fours, films tight on your ass as he squeezes it and cracks his palm down on it when he lets go. The sting makes you keen, your back arching as your hips thrust back—seeking more, more. His hand then smooths over your buzzing flesh, soothes the ache he’s made.

And even as you’re making it, you can tell this is not just another sex tape.

It’s a love tape.

thank you for reading — love you, mean it! 🏝️

#eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things eddie #eddie stranger things #eddie munson smut #stranger things

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fangirlmermaid · 2 days ago

Note

Quinn reading one of your dark romance books and not being able to look you in the eye would be such a good fic omggg

Summary: Quinn read one of your dark romance books by accident and now isn't able to look you in the eye

Warning: Sad Quinn, Lights out Spoliers, Grammar and punctuation mistakes

Note: I originally tried to make this light-hearted but then it kinda took a turn.

I tried my best! Hope you enjoy it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were out for the day with your sister, hitting up every bookstore Vancouver has to offer.

Leaving Quinn at home bored out of his mind. There was nothing good to watch, he wasn’t in the mood to play video games, and he read every book on his shelf.

That’s when his eyes landed on your bookshelf and the memory of you saying how no one reads the same books as you popped into his head.

Your sister was more into thrillers and mystery books, while you were into romance. Quinn normally didn’t like romance, but hearing the sadness in your voice made him change his mind.

Quinn strolled over to your shelf to look at your book selection. There was some hockey romance (He will 100% bring that up with you).

He was going to read Butcher and Blackbird but according to you, it ruins ice cream.

Then he found something that seemed interesting. He remembered it was one of your favorites, Lights Out. He remembered that it was a stalker romance, which he just assumed was about a stalker who fell in love with a girl but got arrested at the end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He had a horrid look on his face, he couldn’t believe the chapter he just read.

Josh stabbed the bed with a knife and told Aly to ride it

AND SHE DID IT?!

Quinn would never judge you, especially about the things that you like but holy shit what the fuck!

Were you into this?

Did you have a mask kink? Were you afraid that he would shame you?

Quinn's ears perked up when the front door unlocked. Panicked, he shoved the book behind the throw pillow and tried to act casual.

“Hi, lovey.” You smiled, closing the door behind you. Quinn saw bags and bags of books. He wondered how many books you had and now bought like Lights Out.

“Hi, baby,” Quinn mumbled, keeping his eyes on the floor. He couldn’t look at you. It wasn’t because he was mad that you read smut; you didn’t need his permission. So what was it? Was he feeling guilty that he wasn’t satisfying you?

“Quinny?”

Your voice pulled Quinn out of his thoughts “Hmm” he hummed looking up at the bookshelf you stood next to, hoping you didn’t notice. “Are you okay?” you asked knitting your eyebrows together, Quinn nodded as his mind replayed the knife scene.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you finished showing him all the books you got, you noticed his eyes were on the ceiling. Your stomach churned, did something happen when you were out? Was he mad at you?

You sat down next to him “You sure you're okay?” you asked staring at his side profile. Quinn sat frozen looking straight at the TV “Lovey?” you whispered raking your fingers through the ends of his head “Hmm” was all he was able to say “Look at me” you mumbled grabbing his chin and making him look at you.

His eyes landed on the top of your head, “did something happen while I was gone?” you asked, Quinn shook his head “Did I do something wrong?” Quinn shook his profusely.

Quinn gone mute was making your heart sink, he normally was so open with how he was feeling with you. You cupped his cheek “Baby, What’s wrong? You’re scaring me” you mumbled, your thumb stroking his cheek hoping this would do the trick.

Quinn kissed the pad of your thumb before leaning your touch, “Are you not satisfied?” Quinn mumbled softly you almost missed it, you tilted your head “What do you mean?” you wondered. Quinn finally looked at you “I remembered you saying that no one reads the same books as you…” Quinn started to explain, (your heart stopped, hoping he chose one of your PG-rated books). He grabbed the book he hid “And you were sad…so I wanted to read one so you had someone” Quinn explained placing Lights Out in your free hand.

You would feel butterflies if you weren’t so horrified, why couldn’t he have picked one of your hockey romance books? The book was the final piece of the puzzle to understand why he wouldn’t look at you and what he meant by satisfied. “Lovey, that was very sweet of you to do” You smiled, absolutely no one would read the books you would recommend no matter how hard you tried to convince them. You placed the book on the empty cushion next to you.

“Quinny, I am satisfied I promised”

“You sure?”

“100%”

“So I don’t need to start wearing a mask?”

You chuckled, Quinn would go above and beyond to make you happy. You tucked his hair behind his ear “No, I would miss looking at your handsome face” You assured, which seemed to perk him up.

Though the idea of him wearing a mask was hot

Quinn pressed a kiss to your forehead, “Lovey, next time you try to read one of my books just ask for my opinion” You added gazing at him, “Like your hockey romance books?” Quinn teased, you playfully smacked his chest pretending to be annoyed but your smile gave you away.

#nhl x reader #nhl imagine #nhl hockey #quinn hughes fanfiction #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes imagine #qh43 #vancouver canucks #quinn hughes

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purinfelix · 2 days ago

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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ park sunghoon bf headcanons

a/n: maybe im just typical sunghoon bias but y'all cannot tell me he wouldn't be the most perfect bf ..... ANYWAYS i could probably do a pt2 of this just bc i have sooo many thoughts abt this man - or if u want hcs for any other members lmk too!

✦ such a responsible boy, like obviously he has all his own habits but he feels the need to keep them up especially around you

✦ for the first few months of your relationship he wouldn't kiss you first thing in the morning since he insisted his breath stank and would go to brush his teeth (though he grows too weak to your pleading, and gives in easily)

✦ it's this habit of taking care of himself that extends to you, he feels a sense of responsibility for your health and wellbeing

✦ "don't use your phone in the dark, it's not good for your eyes" - "make your bed first thing in the morning, it'll get messy otherwise" - "make sure to drink more water today, it's hot out,"

✦ they might sound like petty scolds or nagging to most but really they're just his way of making sure you're okay and showing that he cares about you, right down to the little things

✦ on that note, the type of boyfriend who is willing to go with you everywhere even if he's just trailing behind you - if it's to the supermarket or even around the block for your morning walk he's keen to come with

✦ a little clingy like that, though has enough self-awareness not to bother you, but he just wants to be around you lots !!

✦ i can definitely see him being an "acts of service" guy like he definitely does things for you without asking, and without even saying anything - like if he sees you struggling he'll help you silently, only turning to smile with satisfaction once he sees the grateful expression on your face

✦ admittedly at first he does do it a little bit so that he can show off in front of you - "they'll think i'm so tall and strong if i help them reach this shelf" is probably his thought process

✦ in that way he's really observant and attentive! like you might not think that he listens to all your rants or when you mention little things but he really takes it all in, also just the best listener ever

✦ tiny little things about your habits, foods you like or dislike or even your preferences when it comes to like what side of the bed to sleep on he learns and they become like second nature to him

✦ but if you ever point out how close he pays attention to you or any of the things he does for you he'll brush it off coolly with some excuse - "i'm only giving you the bigger piece because i'm not that hungry okay?" - even though you know far better

✦ this is because, despite how cool he might seem on the surface, he's not the most forward type, and things like pda or straightforward confessions make him flustered !!!

✦ like the few times he's grabbed your hand in public when you're walking together he physically cannot look at you while he does because he knows how red his face will get - but you can still notice the tips of his pale ears blushing pink

✦ whenever you're alone though he will go to absolutely any lengths to get you back for it and has a special talent of knowing just where to kiss you or what to whisper in your ear to get to you

✦ sometimes he tries reciting old cheesy romantic lines but he gets too shy or embarrassed to finish them

✦ like if you watch a romcom with him he'll be all sulky talking about how unrealistic it is and how corny the dialogue is, but give it a couple days and you'll notice him trying to act smooth like the main man

✦ also the kind of boyfriend who finds joy in teasing you lightly

✦ always saying things like "what would you do without me?" or "aren't you so lucky to have such a good boyfriend?" jokingly whenever he helps you out

✦ but if you were to ever try to get him back by saying something like "oh but you're so in love with me aren't you?" he'll just respond back slyly with "and what if i am?" or something and watch with a smirk as you take in his suddenly shameless words

✦ he's said it himself but he's really protective and possessive type (thinking about his reaction to the viral perilla leaf debate)

✦ though he's careful never to blame you for anything - because he isn't insecure about your relationship or how you feel, he's more worried about others having their eye on you

✦ really patient - definitely the kind of boyfriend who lets you do whatever you want like squish his face or bite his arm without even acknowledging it

✦ though he also definitely tests your patience once he gets comfortable enough and once he knows he can be weird around you - like he really is the loudest introvert if you give him the opportunity !!

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nottriddlethis · 3 days ago

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. If you are ill, use it fully

pairing: mattheo riddle x reader

summary: everyone calls you a Slytherin princess. Cold, beautiful and out of reach. You've never been interested in someone. But Mattheo Riddle..intimidating and confident, and you are too ill tonigh to contrtol yourself.

warnings: none i guess? Despite a little bit of soft Mattheo, some deep kisses, and a lot of words, but I love some fluff tension

. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

It was the middle of the night, and you found yourself unable to sleep. The dorm felt suffocating—too warm, too oppressive. Wrapping yourself in a thick blanket, you slipped out of bed and padded quietly down the spiral staircase, your steps soft against the cold floor. The Slytherin common room, on the contrary, was cold and dimly lit, the greenish glow of the underwater windows reflecting off the dark stone walls.

Halfway down the stairs, you froze. Mattheo Riddle stood at the bottom, leaning casually against the banister, his dark, piercing eyes catching yours. He was smoking. Brazenly and shamelessly. He was as intimidating as ever, with his air of detached confidence and a coldness that made your stomach tighten. Dangerous, they all called him, and not without reason.

“Couldn’t sleep?” His voice was low, smooth, and sent an involuntary shiver down your spine. It seems, you heard his voice so close and so raw for the first time ever.

You clutched the blanket tighter around your shoulders. “Kind of. It’s… too hot in there,” you murmured, barely audible, and moved to step past him.

He watched your every step piercingly, heavyly. To put it bluntly, you were used to guys looking at you, wanting to talk to you, noticing your appearance and not depriving you of their attention. You often heard whispers like "Slytherin princess", "Slytherin prude", "snow queen" just because you didn't throw yourself at anyone who looked at you. But they never looked at you like that. And it made you awkwardly make your every movement under the fastest rhythm of your heart. Besides you weren't at your good condition. You didn't want him seeing you like this.

But Mattheo, as he often did, didn’t let things go so easily. Without a word, he turned and followed you into the empty night common room. The fire in the hearth had burned low, casting flickering shadows over the furniture. You sat down on the sofa closest to the flames, tucking your legs under and wrapping yourself with the blanket. You thought he might leave you alone, but Mattheo took a seat beside, his presence unsettling and magnetic at the same time.

“You look awful for Slytherin princess” he said bluntly, but there was no mockery in his tone, only observation.

You gave a weak laugh, lips curling faintly at the corners. “Slytherin princesses turn into grindylow at night.”

Mattheo chuckled and tilted his head, studying you. You were definitely not at your best now. Your hair was knotted and disheveled. Your eyes were red and slightly puffy. And summing up, you looked surprisingly simple and free, unlike the you everyone noticed: always confident, well-dressed, with perfect hair and makeup. Like a princess, really.

But even right now could he afford to reach for you? He raised his hand, reached out and lightly touched your hair, his fingers brushing through the messy strands. You froze, your breath catching in your throat. You turned head slightly, only to find Mattheo's dark eyes fixed on the strands of your hair. Emboldened by the lack of protest, he began carefully untangling the knots, his movements slow and deliberate.

You swallowed hard, your hands gripping the edges of the blancket to keep yourself grounded. The cold room suddenly felt warmer, and you wasn’t sure if it was because of the fire crackling in the hearth or the way Mattheo’s fingers were brushing against your scalp. Your heart raced as you felt his fingers glide through your now smoother hair. Every now and then, his knuckles would graze the back of your neck, sending a flutter of something you couldn’t quite name straight to your chest. It was disarming, this softer side of Mattheo, the boy you’d always thought of as sharp-edged and untouchable.

You sat in silence for a while, the only sound the soft crackle of the fire. Сombing your hair one last time, he ran his fingers over your forehead a little longer, gathering the curls. Then, he finally realized an unusual warmth. “For Merlin's sake! You’re burning up.”

“I’m fine,” you replied quickly, but your trembling hands gave you away. Mattheo frowned and leaned closer, his palm brushing against your forehead more longer. The touch that made you take your breathe away again. Tremble and lean to desired cool.

“You have a fever,” he said sharply. With a flick of his wand, he conjured a cold compress, pressing it gently to your forehead. “You shouldn’t be down here like...” The sound of your moaning at the cold compress squeezed his heart in a vice. For Merlin's sake.

You pulled your blanket tighter around yourself. Mattheo looked down and let out a low sigh, his expression softening in a way that was rare for him. “You should't wrap yourself up, it won't help.” Without another word, he tugged the blanket off your shoulders, ignoring your weak protest. He watched as cold air of common room sends goosebumps to your body. How they run over your open shoulders, down to collarbones and arms. He was sure that if he looked even lower, he would see the outlines of what his imagination had already drawn.

"If you wrap yourself up like that, the temperature might rise even higher. You need something in between.." he put the blancket aside. And when the cold unpleasantly licked your body, you protested even more desperately. You were going to hug yourself with your hands but your feverish brain began to work ahead. You turned to Mattheo, stretching your hands forward in a silent demand.

For just a second, surprise flashed in his eyes, and then was immediately replaced by satisfaction. Before you could react, he slid an arm under your knees and the other around your back, lifting you effortlessly into his lap.

“Oi, I didn't think you really do” your quite voice was a mixture of surprise and indignation, but he silenced you with a look.

“I don't hesitate” He pulled you closer, his arms wrapping securely around you. His hands, warm and steady, rested lightly on your sides, radiating heat that chased away your shivers.

. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

For a few moments, you sat stiffly, your heart racing, but then you relaxed into him, too tired to analyze. His warmth was soothing, and the quiet sound of his heartbeat beneath your ear was oddly comforting.

“You don’t have to…” you began, but Mattheo interrupted. “Just stop arguing and rest,” he said firmly, his voice low and surprisingly gentle. “You’re stubborn, you know that?”

You smiled faintly, your eyelids growing heavy, brain as dizzy as it was for letting you say things directly “And you’re bossy. For the first time in my life I want to obey”

Mattheo clenched his jaw, trying not to let the wave of heat spread throughout his body. The unattainable and cold Slytherin princess asked for his arms and spoke into his neck about submission. He took a deep breath and spread his legs wider, so that, Merlin forbid, she wouldn't feel the force of her influence on his body. “Get some sleep, princess. I’ll keep you warm.”

And as the fire crackled softly and the world faded into quiet stillness, you let yourself drift off, safe in his arms. Your breathing was slow and deep, but sleep eluded you. Your cheek rested against Mattheo's shoulder, and you couldn’t help but notice the subtle, lingering scent of his cologne. It was earthy and warm, with faint woody undertones that seemed to ground you in the moment. The scent was intoxicating, pulling your attention in a way you have always dreamt under cover of night and with the curtains drawn.

Without even realizing it at first, you leaned closer, cold compress fell down, your nose brushing near his neck as you took in his scent more deeply. It was comforting, yet strangely alluring. Shamelessly, you murmured, half-asleep but sincere, “You smell good.”

Mattheo stilled for a moment. He hadn’t expected the comment, and the way your voice sounded—soft and unguarded—sent an unexpected jolt through him. A low laugh escaped his lips, though his heart felt as if it had skipped a beat. “Thanks, I guess,” he replied, his tone dark and teasing, inside, something stirred. The way you were now… made him crave your soul and body even more.

As you shifted slightly, pressing closer into the crook of his neck, Mattheo swallowed hard. His usual cool detachment felt as if it were unraveling, thread by thread. You suddenly trusted him enough to be vulnerable, to rest against him like this, and it was both disarming and... exhilarating. “You’re shameless, you know that?” he teased, his voice low and edged with warmth. He didn’t mind at all: the way you clung to him, the way you made his guarded world feel just a little less cold. The way the unattainable girl were sitting on top of him.

" 've lways been" you confessed. The scent of him—warm, woody, and impossibly him—was enough to make you feel this way, even in your hazy, half-awake state. You finally felt that you can be your imperfect self. You didn't try to stop yourself, the words spilled from your lips.

“Mattheo?” you whispered, your voice barely audible against the stillness.

“Hm?” His low hum vibrated against your lips where they were pressed lightly to his neck. Not-so-close-enough.

“Can I…” You paused. Your heart hammered in your chest, and you swore you could hear it echoing in the room. But you pushed forward, unable to stop now. “I want to kiss you”

The demand hung in the air, fragile and trembling. For a moment, you thought he hadn’t heard you. But then you felt it—his body stiffening ever so slightly, his breath catching in his throat. Slowly, he pulled back, just enough to look at you. His dark eyes, usually so guarded, burned with an intensity that stole whatever composure you had left. No one was going to believe him. Slytherin princess..

“You’re asking for permission or what?” he murmured, his voice low and edged with raw desire. His lips curved into a slight smirk, but there was no mockery in his expression—just breathtaking attraction.

You nodded, your cheeks flushing under his gaze. "My first..."

You didn't even finish. A low, primal growl escaped his mouth. Damn it. She was as innocent as desired by everyone. So fuck no he is going to share from now and on.

You was the first to close the gap. Your lips brushed his softly at first, tentative and hesitant. It was slow, almost unsure, but still enough to make Mattheo’s breath hitch. His body froze, every part of him fixated on the way you tasted. You lingered there, savoring the moment, tasting him again, licking the lower lip then the upper one, capturing them with your own. Drinking him. Marking him with your saliva. For now.

When your lips moved against his just a bit more boldly, you gasped at sudden motion. He tilted his head and deepened the kiss. Not enough. His hand moved to your chin, his thumb pressing there making you open your mouth. Into his own inferno. Here. His tongue slid inside, harshly brushed across the soft palate, then crawled under your tongue and intertwined with it.

It was no longer tentative or sweet—it was a storm. Mattheo kissed you like he was claiming you, as if raising the standards so no one will ever reach them. His lips pressed harder, demanding more from you, and his free arm threading through your hair with a possessive grip that sent a shiver down your spine. He angled your face, taking your body fully under control. You felt like his strong arms ghost everywhere. So to ground yourself a little more your hands gripping at his shirt. It was intoxicating, overwhelming, and so undeniably him.

Under the heating fever and his hot kisses your head was melting down. Any touch and any thought blurs, sending you into the kaleidoscope of sensatoins. You are slightly drifting away.

Throught the burning desire to swallow the all of you, Mattheo managed to feel your weakness. "hey princess, wait..." You groan at the loss of his warm lips and pulled closer. He left a light kiss to the corner of your lips. "I will give you more than enough when you recover, beautiful."

"I will take it all" you confidently promised him, making him chuckle. Your head was getting heavier and you had to put it back on his shoulder.

"Your wish is my command" his whisper almost audible, but you smiled.

#mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo x y/n #mattheoxreader #mattheo riddle fluff #slytherin boys #slytherin #mattheo riddle fanfic #mattheo riddle x you #mattheo fluff #fluff

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killa-cookie · 3 days ago

Note

hii :3c can I get a shadow milk cookie x gn reader angst?? were like reader used to worked with before his corruption but when he became corrupted they stop working with him, left him and reunited with when he escaped the silver tree

(sorry if it's long and wordy LMAO)

oohfph angst

REUNION

Shadow milk x Gn! Reader angst

"______ Cookie, could you get me that book?"

"Yes Bluebery Milk!"

You quickly dashed to his side in a Swift motion, handing him the book eagerly. He softly smiled at you in response as he began reading.

"You know, ________. You're the best assistant I could ever ask for. " he softly hummed gazing at you, waiting for a response

"Since when did you get all sappy Mr. blueberry— I know you like complimenting others but now this is a leap!" You exclaimed, a shocked look on your face.

"Hm, is that just an excuse for you saying you don't believe me?" His tone amused as he lifted his head from the book, properly looking at your dumbfounded face.

"N-no way! I always believe you Sir. Blueberry!" You stammered, he was right though. You couldn't just accept a praise as high as that from such a kind figure.

"I know you do, but I also know that you don't believe high praise." His gaze softened.

"Ugh— it's not fair you know everything Sir!" You groan in defeat, he was always right. He knows he's always right, and you do too.

"I am the virtue of knowledge, _______." He deadpanned at you. He then chuckled, amused by your behavior.

"Gh... Just promise you won't do anything you might regret in the future... " you looked at the ground then back to him. His expression curious.

"Now why would I do that? But, I promise."

— those days were shortly lived.

Destruction surrounded you, fires spreading like light. The nearest buildings were destroyed, your favourite library... Gone.

You had evacuated all the nearby townsfolks, all those innocent. You helped those trapped in debris, those trapped under wood and other solid materials.

You were scrambling, while hiding from the attacks those beasts had struck. You can hear Burning Spice's loud laughs, amused by what he had inflicted onto the sacred land.

As you were looking to find more townsfolk, you met eye to eye... With him.

He looked sinful, he wasn't the blueberry milk you knew, he was a monster.

"_______ cookie! I can explain—" he knew what kind of monster he had become, he couldn't explain but he wanted you to calm down, he hated seeing you scared... Scared of him.

"NO— YOUR A MONSTER; A BEAST. YOUR NOT THE COMRADE I HAD ALWAYS ADMIRED, STAY BACK.!" You screamed at him with all the oxygen you had in your body, enraged at what he had done.

"______ cookie...." He weakly reached out to you, as you quickly backed away.

You hated him, despised him. He had given into temptation. He broke your promise, don't do anything you would regret in the future.

He was too distracted by how you looked at him, and you took this as the chance to run away.

By a miracle you had gotten away, but the destruction had inflicted good damage onto you.

You leaned onto a rock and sobbed, you had never thought this would have happened. You missed blueberry milk cookie, you missed everyone. They weren't themselves anymore.

—

"So you were a librarian that served Shado— I mean, Blueberry Milk Cookie?" GingerBrave exclaimed in awe. It was an honor to meet such a historical figure as your self!

"You can refer to him as Shadow Milk in front of me, no worries. But we must focus on keeping him and the others inside that tree."

Your tone slowly drifted to seriousness. You didn't want him to inflict the same damage he had done in the past.

Especially on this sacred Faerie kingdom, even if they knew you used to work for Shadow Milk. They treated you as an equal, as if you didn't work for a sinner, a BEAST. This land was sacred and pure, you adored it.

Even though you didn't fully understand this Dark Enchantress thing... You loved traveling with gingerbrave and the others, you weren't so sure about pure vanilla though... He reminded you so much of blueberry and you hated it.

The battle had already begun and not even an hour had passed, the rift in the tree slowly opening wider and wider by the minute. You couldn't do much since you were only such a simple librarian.

" WE MUST FIGHT OFF AS MUCH AS WE CAN FAERIES! " the elder spoke, charging at the rift at full speed. You admired his brave and courageous demeanor for an old man. (You were probably older than him)

White Lily's bud helped in trying to close the portal, but it wasn't enough.

Elder Faerie had sacrificed himself for more power would be bestowed unto Lily, a brave action indeed. You admired that.

It was then strong enough to hold the rift for a while, but you were still paranoid. It's as if a voice was calling you to get closer to the portal, you were always somewhere near it but you wouldn't dare to get closer.

You were guarding the rift the whole day, not even taking a break. The Faerie soldiers were slightly worried because you weren't moving your stance a bit and stayed in the same position for hours. One of them even thought you had become a statue and stared panicking.

You decided to shut your eyes for a mere moment... For a MERE MOMENT.

"T-THE PORTAL! IT'S OPENING AGAIN!" A Faerie soldier yelled, he quickly asked others for backup and support. The Faerie soldiers were very diligent in their attacks.

You had been helping them by casting spells of bounding onto the rift, but it just absorbed the spells- disappearing without a trace. You then decided to test your luck and get dangerously close...

You felt an eerie presence as you got closer and jolted backwards in fear. He was there, waiting. The gingerbrave team had just arrived helping in the rift. But it wasn't enough.

Then... He emerged from the portal.

"OH MY OH MY~! WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE—"

Shadow milk's voice was filled with excitement, he looked around for a bit until his eyes settled onto you. His gaze softened for a hit before sharpening once more. He told himself that you were just forced to be him, you wouldn't actually hurt him?

He tried making himself believe that you would never betray him, you were his trusted comrade! But deep down he knows... His most precious treasure would die just for him to be killed.

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dark-night-hero · 18 hours ago

Text

Imagine being Sung Jinwoo's spouse who suddenly got thrown into another universe where you don't exist and happened to meet someone who looks exactly, after your husband.

Imagine walking on your way home with your husband and then all of a sudden, you found yourself falling, the last words you have heard was your husband calling out your name. In which you did the say, callig out your husband name instinctively within the first few seconds you were falling. But after a few more minutes of falling, here you are, falling in the midst of darkness. Crossing your arms in annoyance, thinking of what kind of scenario were you sent into.

Imagine zooming in, looking down. You realise you were getting closer to the ground and not just it. There was a man you are about to fall into, "Hey! Watch out!" You would be okay if you land on your one, but you're afraid that if you happened to hit someone with the speed you're going down, you might ended up hurting them. But it was already too late by the time he looked up. "SHIT!" "I told you to watch out!"

Imagine finding yourself in the midst of a dungeon. The young man across you be looking very familiar, like he took it right after your husband. "What?" He asked, taking another bite of the food you had just cooked inside the dungeon. It has been a few hours ever since you crushed into this man. A few hours since you were separated with Jinwoo. Its been a few hours since you realised you've been thrown into a different alternate universe.

"Nothing." You look away. A universe where Jinwo has a brother? No, he doesn't look like his brother. If anything, you could guess who he was. "I doubt it was nothing-" "Come to think of you, you look very young... but well off. You should enjoy your youth, where are your parents? Why are you inside a dungeon by this age?" Taken back by your questions, he look away. "They're gone." "What? Like dead?" "I don't know, they're missing. I'm trying to find them." "Oh."

Imagine for the first time, in comparison to the fierce and competent young man that was leading and fighting earlier. The man in front of you looks vulnerable, like a son longing fornhis parents. Maybe it was his face that made your heart soften even more. Standing up from your seat, you sat down right beside him and gave him a comforting hug from the side. "Hey, hey, kid. It's alright. You'll find them." You gently pat him on the back. "(First name)!"

Imagine looking back at the familiar voice only to find your husband frowning as he hurriedly approached your direction. Withdrawing gently from the young man kid, who finally felt the approaching man from behind, he sat up straight and was about to turn to look at him when he catch a glimpse of arm on his side, arm which was now wrapping you into a hug as the man knelt down to your level. "Thank goodness I found you." "Ji- darling. It's okay, it's alright. You found me." You chuckle returning the hug and patting him on the back, giving the shocked kid right beside you an apologising gaze.

"Woah, the two of you..." looked a like... You thought but did not dare say it out loud. Jinwo was sitting next to the young man whom you have learned that his name was Suho. Both were Sung which means all of your thoughts were right all along. He was... the son of Jinwo in his universe. "What?" Jinwoo asked. "Nothing." You smile. How cute. Though the fact that Suho does not seem to recognise his own father, although in a different universe and probably in a much younger appearance seemed quite bothersome yet relieving at the same time. "Come to think of it, Suho-ah what are you doing in here? Why are you all alone?"

Imagine it turns out the kid had already gone through the dungeon once and reentered to see if there was any survivors inside but only found you in the process as well as come across Jinwoo who was looking for you. In the end, Jinwoo and you decided to accompany him as he deep dive into the dungeon. "How did you find me?" "I manage to squeeze in thanks to the fragments of the shadow monarch. But mostly because you left traces all over that leads me to you." He sigh, taking your hand closer to his face and nuzzle to it causing you to smile softly at him. "Don't worry, I'm alright. If anything, I'm worried about thay little guy." You nudge at the direction of Suho. "Ah." Jinwo just looked at the back of the young man.

Imagine in the process of exploring the cave, Jinwo realised that this was a place he more familiar with as this was the place had come across and killed the monarchs. Leading him into telling and explaining Suho what was this all about. You just follow them from behind, looking at the two fondly as Jinwoo helped Suho gain a better understanding of everything, even helped him made pack with Rakan's fang enabling him to use it. "Hey you two, enough of that. Food's ready." "Yes." "We'll be there in a minute babe." "I told you not to call me that."

Imagine after a all the exploration and quest inside the dungeon, it was finally your time to part ways as the three of you stand right infront of the dungeon gate. "I'm afraid this is as far as we can go with you, sweetheart." You looked at the young man softly. It was short while but it seems like you grew fond of the kid. "That is to say, the two of you aren't exactly from here." "You knew it all along you pun-" "Father." That made Jinwoo pause.

Imagine Sung Suho who manage to connect the dots and knew it all along this time. "You're my father at the same time, you aren't my father." He explained calmly. Then Suho faced you who still has a relax and gentle look on your face. "You aren't my mother." You have him a small yet genuine smile, because that was the truth. You knew he was Jinwoo's son, but this kid weren't yours and probably would never be. "There wasn't a (Firstname)(Lastname) in this world, so you cannot be my mother." He explained. By that you could feel the way Jinwoo shifted closer to you than he was earlier. But you turn to look at him and gave him a reassuring smile.

"Aren't you confused by that fact?" "Hmm? That my father- he was married to you than my mother? Not really." "Why is that?" "Because-.." because Suho had never seen his father in this world looked at you the same way this alternative universe Sung Jinwoo look at anyone else. While its true that his father love his mother in this world. The way this Sung Jinwo right in front of him looks like you was nothing he have ever seen before. This version of his father looked so in love, so contented, so genuine like he has everything in front of him when he looks at you. "Because?" "Nothing."

Imagine the way Suho let out a genuine laugh which has been a while. After everything that has been happening, its been a while since he have someone looking after him like his parents used to do before they went missing. "You two should probably get going, I alreay took too much of your time-" he was cut off by a bone crushing hug by you. "It was nice meeting you. Always be careful, okay?" "Hey, listen to them you punk." Jinwoo messed with hair before joining the hug and then pulling you away from Suho. "We'll stay here until you get out safely." Jinwoo added. "So go-" "Wait! Here, take this." You have Suho a pocket watch. "This-" "Take it. I'm leaving it with you." "Then... thank you."

Imagine as Suho looked back and forth between the gate and you two. He give you two the brightest smile he have before saying "I know you aren't really by father but... Father, please look after them and never let them go, okay?" "You have my words, son." With a little bit of regret, Suho left. If he was being honest, he's quite jealous by the fact that he probably wouldn't even become your son back in your world.

"He's a good kid." "Hmmm." Jinwoo nod as the two of you find yourself back in your own universe. "Who knows, maybe if we try hard enough he'll end up as our child." "I'm not even his-" "Does it bother you? We could always try and try until-" "You silly punk. Do you think it qould be ea- Sung Jinwo! Set me down you-" "Nope, nope nope. We're taking this to bed."

: this is my biggest what if.

#dark night hero #solo leveling imagines #solo leveling fanfic #solo leveling x reader #solo leveling jinwoo #solo leveling ragnarok suho #sung suho #sung jinwoo imagine #jinwoo sung x reader #solo leveling sung jinwoo #sung jinwoo x reader #sung jin woo x reader #sung jinwoo imagines #jinwo x reader #sung jinwoo #sung jin woo

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lieslab · 1 day ago

Text

Why is it that your love is like loneliness?

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Hyunjin X gn reader

Summary: Your roommate asks you to be his while unaware of just how much the past has warped your view of love.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 3K

Trigger warning: Self-insecurities and fear of being loved/loving someone.

A/N: I hope you've missed angst because I acquired some of it for this. I assume Hyunjin wrote Quill Pen with hurt in his heart. Inspired by that and the deep-seeded terror that I will destroy everything I invest my heart into, good luck with this one!! <3

_ _ _

And you left him. You turned your back on his smile and hope-filled eyes. You spun around and rushed away because facing the weight of Hyunjin’s words was too much to process in front of him. How could you describe the truth of it all at once?

You knew you were an asshole for running, but you couldn’t stand the thought of him seeing your tears. If he saw your tears, he’d realize who you really were; a lost coward. Holes riddled the personality you’d put on each morning. You carefully crafted it just for him, but you never thought it’d lead to a cafe confession; a full declaration of his indulgence and undying love for you.

With your hands wrapped tight around your favorite drink, he offered you an ideal future with an outstretched hand. An understanding, a chance for growth, a supportive romantic relationship; everything a person should want.

The scent of coffee beans had been comforting until that point. An eager bouncing knee and flushed cheeks; you should have known the signs. You should have picked up on them weeks ago. His love sprouted for you between the calm hours of the night and the quiet conversations.

It crept upon him, not suddenly, but like the spring creeping into summer. His body grew warm, his back straightened, and suddenly every love song was about you. The finger taps along his steering wheel and his cheery whistles; all your fault.

The two of you had been friends and then became roommates. You never saw Hyunjin as a potential romantic partner. You didn’t see anyone that way. You loved him, but not like the picture he’d painted in his head.

The future was full of colors with you. Dustings of bright blue skies and hues of green grass. An oil painting where two rabbits leaped over grass mounds dotted with bright dandelions. The birds sang and harmonized. Bees pollinated more and more flowers, more growth, more life, and more happiness.

In your head, it was the void. The future? Why would you plunge your thoughts ahead when tomorrow was hard enough as it was? A future with Hyunjin? How could he really love you?

How could anyone see you through the dark haze above your head? Self-hatred corrupted your eyes. Every glance in the mirror, your flaws defined you. You were created via a book of a fallen god. Your sins weighed you down and no matter how much you tried, you couldn’t see the good that Hyunjin proclaimed you had.

Rot coated your flesh and why couldn’t he see that? Why couldn’t he see you for what you were? Some lost child in a grown body. Playing pretend. Playing dress up. Lost in the illusion of adulthood, you didn’t know who you were. That’s what happens when you grow up never knowing.

You think you know yourself and suddenly the years spiral by. Life is like an unmanageable fish at the end of a fishing pole. No matter how much you tried to reel in your thoughts and the events, life kept pulling. Your forearms ached and your back hurt from being dragged along the edge of the boat. When would you finally feel the relief of dropping back into the boat and catch the fish?

Your phone buzzed rapidly in your back pocket. No doubt, Hyunjin was messaging you or attempting to call you. You didn’t answer and you wouldn’t. The two of you were supposed to be mere roommates. Maybe best friends, but nothing more.

You drifted through the crowd of people downtown. Murmurs passed, but nobody paid attention to the person with their head down. Head down, neck craned, arms cradled around themselves. A visual embodiment to the world that you weren’t comfortable with yourself in any way, shape, or form.

Hyunjin got up, grabbing his drink and the one you left behind. He maneuvered through the crowd and tried to ignore the look of pity from a customer that heard the entire interaction. Outside, he looked left and he looked right.

He spent so long planning today. Everything, including the weather, was right. The one thing he didn’t understand was you. Every laugh, every smile, every joke. Did he write the story wrong? Did he skip the plot just to focus on the ending?

The small copper bell on top of the door dinged and swung shut behind him. Across the way, he glimpsed you and took off in that direction. He frantically apologized and excused himself after bumping into strangers.

The closer he moved towards you, the further away you became. He could still see your hunched-up figure here. He called after you again and again and again. When you finally stopped, you stopped along a grassy path by the Han River.

A flock of white ducks drifted down the river. Two cranes took residence a couple meters down. Beady eyes glanced over at Hyunjin’s call, but they quickly reverted to their bug investigation.

“I’m sorry,” he uttered breathlessly. “I-I didn’t mean to spring it upon you like that, I-” He sucked in a wheeze.

“Why are you apologizing? I was the one who ran off. I should be the one apologizing to you.” Your soft whisper broke his heart.

“I asked because I thought we had something. I thought I was reading the situation correctly. If I would have known that you-”

“I do like you like that.”

“I never should have asked and…” His face softened. “You do?” He stepped forward to hear you better. You were speaking so quietly, like you were afraid to disrupt the sound barrier.

“Of course, I love you, you idiot. You’re so stupid, you know?” Tears pricked in your eyes. Swiping at them, you sniffled. “You weren’t supposed to fall in love with me. I’ll destroy you. You’re supposed to fall in love with someone who actually has redeeming qualities.”

Your words hurt him, but unexpectedly. He stepped in front of you, forcing himself into your line of sight. “What do you mean? You don’t think you have redeeming qualities?”

A bitter laugh fell from your throat. Your hair wildly shook with a headshake. Tenderness clutched your heart and your system flooded with the first wave of defense. “How could you?”

“You’re smart, Hyunjin. You’re talented, you’re attractive, and you’re everything an ideal man should be. Determined, strong, and not afraid to put effort into your dreams.”

“What are you saying?”

“There’s a reason you’ve always been the better roommate. Life's game: You understand life's game and you know how to play it. You don’t cower from love, you chase it. You look for love in everyone and everything. Have you seen me, Hyunjin, have you truly seen me? I can't love anyone as they deserve to be loved.

His eyes narrowed and his head shook. “Nonsense! That’s not true! You can’t possibly believe that, can you? You think you’re unlovable?”

“Worse. I avoid it like the plague. I don’t know how to love anyone. I curl away from physical affection. I don’t know how to rely on people. I don’t–I don’t know how to trust!” You threw up your hands. “How do I trust someone if I can’t trust myself, huh?”

Hurt squeezed from your soul as your voice raised. “I don't understand how to love you meaningfully! I don’t know how to say ‘I love you’ because the words are foreign to my tongue. I don’t know how to love and how to trust.”

“You know how to love. You do it the same way you always do. I wouldn’t ask you to change and you know that. I don’t want anything different from who you already are.”

“I want the crude nicknames that you give me. I want your smile and I want more late-night conversations. I want to hold you and I want to keep you captive in the palm of my hand.”

“Somewhere safe and warm. Somewhere where the world can’t harm you and you can be untouchable. I want you to experience love, far more than what I do for you already. I-”

“And what if I dare to say I don’t want that?”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I-I do,” you croaked. Tears slipped down your waterline and soaked the apples of your cheeks. I don't want anyone to love or care for me. I don’t want to rely on someone and get hurt again.”

There it was. You had kept that bombshell hidden in your heart. You harbored resentment and it built in your heart; an awaiting bomb that Hyunjin just detonated without warning.

A sharp knife sliced his heart clean in two. How could anyone destroy someone as precious as you? What happened in your life that destroyed you so much, it left you feeling like this was your only choice?

“I’m sorry.” The words came out in a broken whimper. “I’m sorry, but you have to find someone else. I can’t do this with you, Hyunjin. I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not.”

When was the last time that you called him by his first name so much? What happened to the offensive and endearing pet names? Idiot. Asshole. Dipshit. Fuckwad. Any of those were better than the sound of his name coming from your mouth.

His name was too formal. That’s what strangers called him. Colleagues. Acquaintances hoping to be something more. It’s not what close friends called close friends. Even a shortened version of his name would have been better than just Hyunjin.

He liked his name, but at that moment, you poisoned it with something that left a sour taste filling his mouth. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to hear it the same way again. Your walls were up and your brain was on a lockdown. Someone was inching too close for comfort and your default was to self-destruct.

“I’m not asking you to be someone you’re not. I’m asking you to be you. I’m asking you to stay the same and take a chance. We’ll take it slow, if you want to. Please don’t choose the path of alienation for this whole life. Don’t pick isolation.”

“I don’t know how to accept love. I don’t know how to do it. I don’t understand being vulnerable and taking the risk of showing someone my heart. Is it wrong to pick safety and security?”

“Is it wrong to choose love as a path of resistance?”

His words hit like a wrecking ball. His familiar facial features blurred among your tears. Condensation leaked from the beverages in his hands. Fear enclosed your tender heart. Anxiety’s sharp nails clawed in the darkness of your stomach.

“I’m so afraid of fucking it up. I don’t want to do it wrong. What if I say or do the wrong thing? What if you figure out I’m unlovable?”

“What if I show you that you are? What if I prove that it’s okay to let someone bypass the security measures you put up? If I do everything right and I promise to do whatever it takes not to hurt you?”

He spoke in pools of warm honey. Sweet. Soft. Sultry. A siren in human form and he was luring you overboard. The depths below became tempting. You teetered on a rail overhead with the world watching.

Fall and take a chance to be loved. To find love. To heal wounds that ripped open a long time ago. Take the risk or stay on the boat. Captain it alone. Navigate the frigid and icy waters by yourself. Nobody to share warmth or take comfort in. Nothing besides the empty waves and the depressing echoes of lonely whales beneath the wooden hull.

It terrified you and paralyzed you, but deep down, this was Hyunjin. The same guy you stayed up late talking to. The one you watched movies with on Friday evenings. Too many times, the two of you curled up on the couch’s opposite ends and fell fast asleep.

You hated to admit that you knew he wasn’t lying about loving you. It’s embedded in his every action. The wool blanket thrown over you when you woke up on Saturday mornings. It was the souvenirs he brought back from his travels. Each one, he grabbed them because they reminded him of you in the spur of a moment.

It’s laced in the instant Ramen he made for you while you were on your way home from work. Too many nights, you stayed over your usual allotted schedule. He did whatever he could to ease the burden of working more hours. Even when he himself had to stay over at his company, it didn’t stop him from ordering takeout and having it delivered to the apartment for you.

Someone had to take care of you. He decided it’d be him a long time ago. Whether you wanted it or not, even if it wasn’t a romantic relationship, he planned on being there. He vowed to be by your side for a long, long time.

“Why?” Your words were shrill and barely audible. “Why do you care about me so much?”

“Because I love you.”

“I’m damaged.”

“Love can’t cure you of that. It won’t always take away those self-pitying thoughts. It might not stop that voice in your head that weighs you down. You know what love can do? It can carry you through everything, if you let it.”

He leaned his head closer to yours, hoping you could see the genuine sincerity in his eyes. “Love is patient. Love is kind. You could describe it in a thousand different ways. Yes, sometimes it does hurt, but I’ve learned that it’s always there if you look hard enough.”

“It can come back to you. It’s not perfect, but if you’re willing, it can keep you company. Love makes me feel safe and wanted. It clears away the cobwebs of my self-doubt. It challenges me and it keeps my head above water. It’s not perfect, but nothing in this life is.”

His heart poured between the lazy blue waves of the Han River. Despite the squawking gull in the distance, he continued his confessional anyway. The sun cast a golden halo around his head.

The thick layer of ice around your heart melted. Your initial reaction was to run away again. Leave it all behind and take off. Pack up the things in your shared apartment, block his number, and never see him again.

“But I’m scared.”

“And that doesn’t change my feelings. You don’t think I’m not?” He laughed and took a step back. “Look at how pathetic I look.” He shifted the beverages. Condensation soaked his hands and dripped onto the velvet of his long sleeve shirt. “Love confessions are pretty silly, aren’t they?”

“Just yours.”

He shook his head, but a playful smile was on his face. As you stared at him, you wanted the world to stop. Your teeth bit into the warmth of your lip. It did. The world stopped, at least, yours did.

Looking at him in a new light, you felt stronger and more capable. Pinpricks of excitement tickled the underbelly of your heart. Deep down, what if it could be? What if this was the one thing that you were supposed to conquer in this life?

What if love wasn’t supposed to be some romantic and sappy thing? What if it’s riddled with aggressive pet names, playful bullying, and silent actions full of support? Did it have to be so big and grand? So large and a constant show-off on social media? Proof of your existence and cemented proof that you were lovable?

“I don’t think I know what genuine love is,” you finally admitted. “I’m terrified of fucking it all up. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“We can learn together with baby steps. Just because I’m admitting it, it doesn’t mean I know how to love either. I read a lot of books and watch too much anime.”

“You’re a fraud, Mr. Hwang. You’re an idiot. Who asks someone out when they’re just as clueless?”

He scoffed, but the smile didn’t leave. He still loved your antics, even if this wasn’t the ideal time for them. You were a mosaic of a hundred reasons that he chose love time and time again.

“I could be your idiot.”

“Cheesy off the bat?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing, remember?”

“Where do we start?”

“We could start with a hug.” He shrugged and held up his beverage-filled hands. “It doesn’t have to last forever. When was the last time we hugged, anyway?”

“I don’t think we ever have.”

His arms remained outstretched. He didn’t rush you or force you to take the first step. Instead, he remained a few steps back with his arms outstretched. Like a spooked deer, he waited for you to make the first move.

Your body hesitated. Your brain screeched with loud alarms. What if you became hurt again? What if it all imploded? What if what once was became what you once had?

You stepped forward with caution. Arms looped around his rib cage. His arms returned the gesture. Warmth. A foreign confusion. Something unknown flickered in your heart. Butterflies replaced the claws in your stomach.

You waited and waited for him to pull away, but he didn’t. When you realized he was waiting for you to act first, it startled you. You jerked back with wide eyes and blinked a few times.

“So how was it?”

“You smell like iced americano and that stupid soap that smells like the woods.”

He grinned, “I’ll take that it means you like it.”

You rolled your eyes, but your cheeks shined a rosy red. Sunlight wasn’t the only thing lighting up your eyes. A new flicker, a longing, and a comfort appeared. He didn’t mind your teasing and your jokes.

“So, are we dating?”

You shrugged, “I guess.”

An abused dog always keeps its loud bark, sometimes they bite, too; but with the right person, they can always find a new home.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

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