#i just think she’d be good at it but has no motivation other than keeping it going. keeping the equipment clean

[narugen]

my brain started cooking up narumina high school au and now i kinda have to write it

au where mina is part of a shooting club (don’t know if this is a Thing or sport in japan but it is in some places so) and she’s the Only Member. the only other member (kafka) graduated before they could do it together so . it’s just her now and Has been her ever since her first year (she’s a second year now)

cue: narumi. annoyed. frustrated. angry. at some stupid shit the teacher said about him skipping classes or playing games in class and the baseball club doesn’t want to let him use their bat and he’s not a member bc they have practice and he doesn’t have any other outlet so he’s trudging along the school compounds walking further and further away from the main buildings when he hears a loud Bang

he doesn’t know what it is, but he plays enough games to recognize a gun going off. he doesn’t run, just finds his aimless walking a bit more pointed. more motivated. as he walks in the direction of the noise

there he finds. to his surprise. a shooting range. there are targets placed on the opposite stretch of the …?? grass?? idk i’m visualising a setup similar to archery rn but once i do more research this is subject to change the MAIN part is that the targets all have bullet holes in them and they’re ALL bullseye

he drags his eyes away from the targets and finds the source of the damage.

a girl with short hair he feels like he’s seen before Somewhere and she’s in her pe uniform the jacket sleeves rolled up to her elbows with the little googles and headphones on and narumi watches in (he hates to admit it) admiration as she loads up the gun with such precise accuracy he can’t follow with his eyes and the next moment he hears another resounding bang

“holy shit.” he finds himself saying and in the next moment the pin drop silence as she aims at the next target is broken because she turns to him immediately.

thankfully the gun isnt pointed at him, and she’s kept her arms in position. the only thing that’s moved is her head and narumi sees the pure confusion on her face and wonders if he’s somehow walked so much he isn’t on the school grounds anymore

“oh.” she says, and puts the gun down and pulls the headphones off her head and keeps them resting around her neck. “it’s you.”

and narumi knows what that tone means. she knows him. he doesn’t know her though.

narumi hates to think about how his face must scream confusion because she follows up before he can say anything with: “we’re in the same class.”

he doesn’t attend classes often. or at all really. so that’s why she seemed a bit familiar. like a blurry after image.

“what is this place,” he says, not a question because narumi doesn’t ask questions, he simply gets answers.

“a shooting range.”

“i’ve never heard of a shooting club in this school.”

“because it doesn’t exist.”

he waits for an explanation. because a building so obviously made to host students or whoever with all this equipment and yet there’s no club?? narumi doesn’t believe it. but he doesn’t think she’s lying to him either.

she takes a painfully long time to find her words, or maybe she just doesn’t want to talk to him, because she keeps her eyes trained on the targets far away.

“i’m the only member. so it doesn’t exist.”

narumi thinks he’s heard somewhere that school clubs need a minimum number of members. he never really cared though. since his after school activities consisted of doing what he does during school hours - play games, pick fights, etc. he doesn’t go to school in the first place. so he doesn’t need an after school club.

he looks at the guns lined up. they’re all clean. he looks around him. everything is spotless. no indication of abandonment.

“well. i don’t care about your circumstances,” he says, and points at the gun she was holding. “i want to shoot too.”

he recalls the image of his form teacher, or maybe it was his science teacher, narumi doesn’t know - he doesn’t even know why he came to school today

(but he does. it’s because they kept begging him to attend at least once a week and narumi can’t say no to family)

but that teacher. with his bald head and smoker breath just kept on saying he should be more responsible blah blah he’s almost a third year god what does narumi care? he shouldn’t even have lived this long but here he is! and just thinking about it has narumi balling his fists up in anger.

“you need to be a club member.”

“does that really matter.”

“yes.”

she’s finally looking at him again. and narumi observes how she has really round eyes. a mole under each one. despite looking pretty innocent, she seems to be serious about this, mouth drawn into a frown and eyebrows furrowed.

narumi can’t really be bothered but he has so much pent up energy. and shooting a gun sounds really fucking awesome.

“okay. whatever. just let me shoot.”

she hurries off somewhere, through a door narumi hadn’t really noticed before and he takes off his school jacket, rolling his sleeves up.

he observes the equipment on the table, and then sees there’s spares in a nearby box. those will have to do.

as he puts on the goggles, he looks around for headphones, ear muffs, whatever, narumi knows their purpose - doesn’t need to know what they’re called but can’t find any.

the girl. he doesn’t know her name still. not that it matters. returns with a piece of paper and he almost barks out a laugh

“fill it in.”

“you’re not gonna tell me to wait until it’s approved before i get to shoot, are you.” he glares at her, because narumi seriously doesn’t want to wait any longer. he wants to let out all these restless energy now.

“i’m the one approving new members.”

“you’re not a teacher.”

“i’m a good student.”

he doesn’t know what the fuck that means but it manages to piss him off a bit more so he scribbles his details into the damn form and shoves it at her.

“approve it.”

“say please.”

he feels himself snap.

“are you trying to piss me off?”

she’s not the least bit intimidated. in fact she doesn’t look away from his glare. most people in the orphanage would have run away by now. and she repeats herself, “say please.”

he takes one look at the gun on the table. the guns on display. the painstaking effort of keeping all these equipment clean despite no one using them. the painstaking effort of keeping a club no one cares about alive.

“please approve the fucking form.”

if she has a single thing to say about it, she doesn’t. she doesn’t say anything. takes a stamp out from her jacket pocket and stamps his club registration.

it takes him a bit later to realize he’s joined a fucking after school club.

he’s being handed a gun, similar to the one she was holding and he grabs it. she doesn’t tell him to watch and follow when she starts loading it up. he got the memo the moment she side eyed him and started preparing, much slower than she had earlier when she was alone.

that annoys narumi a bit.

but he follows everything to a tee. commits the steps to his memory. doesn’t know why. doesn’t think he’ll be back. but he makes sure to remember anyway.

she looks around the area for a bit, as narumi feels the weight of the gun in his hands.

while he’s distracted, he doesn’t realize she’s in his personal space until she is, and he has to hold back from throwing a punch.

their heights aren’t that different, which adds to narumi’s list of annoyances from today, and he takes the split second to calculate how tall the girl must be. above 165cm that’s for sure.

how surprising, she’s got a baby face, so narumi had expected her to be shorter.

when her face is finally drawn away from his, he feels the weight of something around his neck and understands what had happened. she could’ve just passed the ear muffs to him though.

what a weirdo.

she puts her own earmuffs on, and narumi mirrors her actions.

she shifts her stance, and he follows.

she shoots and narumi forgets how to breathe.

the atmosphere around her changes for the split second she releases the trigger, and for once - narumi feels fear.

everything seems to move in slow motion, as he watches her. her face. her eyes narrowed. concentration the only thing there and time resumes as the bullet pierces through the air.

narumi doesn’t have to look to know she’s hit bullseye again.

it’s a challenge. to him, at least. he knows she probably doesn’t care about him. but narumi wants to shoot like that too. so he takes a deep breath and steadies himself and pulls the trigger.

“you’re surprisingly bad.”

not a single bullet hit even remotely close to the center of the target.

“aren’t you just absurdly good?! who the fuck hits bullseye consecutively? look at all your targets!” he screeches, tugging the ear muffs off.

“kafka-kun did say i was weirdly accurate…” she muses, has to think about it- as if she wasn’t aware. as if she only had this realisation.

narumi wants to sock her in the eye or something.

he lets out a deep sigh. at least he released his pent up anger. although he’s kind of angry at a whole other thing now.

“so? what the hell are you doing here if you’re this good. there are competitions aren’t there.”

he doesn’t know why he’s making conversation

“i’m just taking care of the club.”

“the club that doesn’t exist.” he points out.

“i made a promise.”

and narumi remembers he’s not the type of person to give a shit. so he shrugs, ending the conversation.

he refuses to ask for help. for advice. so he keeps his eyes on her as she shoots, and narumi thinks there’s no need for her to train at all. her. accuracy is crazy. he doesn’t know why she even bothers coming here.

by the end of the day, two hours later, he’s managed to get a bit better. or so he likes to think.

he can’t believe he stayed until the sun is about to set. in school.

as she starts cleaning up, narumi finds himself mimicking her actions, the same way he has been doing the entire time.

to his own surprise, his back is sweating, and it must’ve taken a bit more effort than he’d considered.

“ashiro!” somebody calls, and narumi nearly jumps out of his skin. he doesn’t get surprised though. so he pretends he isn’t.

ashiro. he says the name in his head. so that’s who she is.

doesn’t ring a bell.

“hoshina.” she says, and despite a friend (?) - narumi presumes, showing up to this side of the school - she doesn’t smile.

in fact, narumi doesn’t think she’s seen her make any sort of expression that wasn’t a straight face or brief concentration.

well. not that he cares.

“who’s that?”

she looks over to him.

and he looks back at her.

“narumi. from my class.”

so she does know his name.

“ahhh the problem child?”

this guy is pissing him off.

“and who the hell are you? club activities ended ten minutes ago, for your information.”

he doesn’t know if they did end ten minutes ago. but it’s when ashiro started packing up. so he assumes that’s the case

the guy laughs - loud and annoying and narumi held back against punching ashiro but he won’t back against this guy.

“you bastard-,” he growls, walking up to him and glares at ashiro who stops him.

she doesn’t stop him. per say. doesn’t say anything really. but she’s moved closer to him. and she has one eyebrow raised.

“whatever.”

he doesn’t know why he stops.

narumi gen doesn’t stop for anyone.

and that annoys him even more. his list is pretty long now.

longer than it should’ve been.

“so you managed to increase your club numbers? good for you.”

it sounds so sarcastic, but narumi knows it’s not. everything just kind of sounds like shit when it comes from that guy.

“i’m not-,” narumi starts, and then stops. that’s twice now. “i’m not.”

ashiro holds the piece of paper up. the fucking club form and points at the stamp in red. “he is.”

“i’m not coming back here.”

“you probably should though? your aim doesn’t seem to be the best.”

the guy says, and damn this fucking bowlcut guy because the next time he speaks narumi will definitely slam this guy face’s into the wood floor.

“hoshina.” she says, and the tone is a warning. narumi doesn’t need somebody else giving out warnings for him. “your aim is just as terrible.”

“but i’m not a member of the club.”

“he’s new.”

narumi doesn’t know if she’s insulting him or defending him. doesn’t think he’d like either option.

the guy shrugs. before looking at ashiro. “are you done? let’s go.”

she nods and turns to him. they walk out together.

ashiro locks up, and narumi leans a little away from her to take one last glance at the shooting range.

“see you tomorrow, narumi.” it’s the first time she’s addressed him by name. even though she knew it.

“i’m not coming to school.”

“you’ll be here though.”

she doesn’t have to specify for him to know she means here - as in the shooting range.

“i’m not coming to school.” he repeats.

she shrugs, like she already knows.

narumi watches as the two leave, talking about something he can’t hear from where he is, still standing by the door of the shooting range.

he’s not coming back tomorrow.

“you’re here.”

“took you long enough. unlock the door.”

“i told you so.”

“shut up.”

[fumifooms]

Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis

Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but I’m jumping into the fray. I think there’s a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so it’s sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.

Falin cares too little :

A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and I… Don’t agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.

We do see her worrying about what people think of her… ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didn’t matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. That’s why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; it’s always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.

Laios’ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, you’re great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, I’ll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, she’d follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, she’d follow him to the ends of the world, and that’s what she did.

She didn’t care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesn’t even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parent’s directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I don’t think the motivation is people pleasing, rather it’s being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that it’s as simple as that, mind you, but let’s talk about this for now.

Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). They’re the ones she’s devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didn’t care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.

What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think that’s the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we can’t tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that she’s in there, we just don’t know at what degree), that we don’t know her enough to be able to tell when she’s at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.

And this is what’s very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. She’s so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he can’t read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see that… Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesn’t care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who she’s speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they don’t cross her mind then of course she’d be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesn’t make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isn’t exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see she’s ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me there’s this aspect to her that she isn’t as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and there’s something interesting to that.

People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so she’s friendly and hopefully things’ll be smooth sailing. It’s easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you don’t care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesn’t do what she does because she loves them, but because she loves them.

One situation that’s interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what I’m trying to get at, is Shuro’s proposal to her. I’ve seen people saying she hesitated because she didn’t feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I can’t say no, I don’t want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but it’s actually canon in the Adventurer’s Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didn’t feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but it’d have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense she’d want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, there’s even a bit on it on Laios’ Adventurer’s Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, it’s an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brother’s needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldn’t she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?

So her hesitance was "yeah that’s convenient for me, but where it’s everything to him and heartfelt I’m able to be detached because I don’t care about it that much… Can I do that? I’m not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though it’s not what you’d expect, isn’t it?

And central to my analysis, where I’m going with this is, I feel like that’s the thing with her character, that she doesn’t feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didn’t mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didn’t seem to get why it was such a big deal, didn’t seem to care about how they’d experienced her choices.

So it’s a tendency… And it’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that the way she measures what’s good for the ones she loves isn’t the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). It’s an overt but quiet kind of care, it’s doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.

So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuro’s proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because she’s thinking about reciprocity, about if it’d be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And that’s a big part of her character isn’t it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.

Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, she’d been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurer’s Bible explanation was released midstory, so I’m hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didn’t react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesn’t remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasn’t finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what I’m saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuro’s proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.

And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? It’s rather layered, because canonically she wasn’t aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and we’re not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isn’t being mistreated (though doesn’t ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough she’s very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when she’s worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chief’s daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.

She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.

And this sort of understanding is part of why I think she’d notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when she’s careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think it’s a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. She’s not sure wether to accept or reject Shuro’s proposal, doesn’t want to lead him on? She’ll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesn’t feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.

We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think that’s here too. She doesn’t get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesn’t change that she doesn’t want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, it’s just that she’s learned growing up that she doesn’t have much agency.

Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. She’ll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, she’ll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when he’s pushing her away (because he doesn’t want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved them— And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didn’t notice the ostracization she suffered.

She’s always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didn’t try hard to rectify the dogs’ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.

So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someone’s presence isn’t something you ask for, it’s something that’s bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you can’t ask them to stay or to come with.

She’s used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so she’s learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didn’t want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.

And still, it’s the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasn’t that I’d feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I don’t regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but I’m sorry that you’re so much more upset about it than me". It’s the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.

It’s the autism it’s the aroace of it all, it’s the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, it’s the feeling like you’re somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. I’m not joking btw it isn’t uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm you’re uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you won’t feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about it…"

So… Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I don’t think she actually cares about people all that much. I’d argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesn’t mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well it’s pretty straightforward really, she’s not all that social and doesn’t see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but it’s not as much like… A conviction or goal. She’s too laser focused on a select few people. "It’s not that they’re bad people, they just aren’t interested in humans."

And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isn’t her whole world or that she isn’t the kindest soul out there then you’re saying she doesn’t care at all or she’s evil. And that’s actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but it’s not in a way that’s quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they don’t have the same logic as her, don’t show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if I’m making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isn’t uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.

And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, there’s absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. There’s enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason I’ve chosen this angle is I feel it’s more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falin’s character arc as I’ll go over throughout the next section…

So.

Not feeling as much as she should. And……. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?

You can’t tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.

Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when she’s dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to just… Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. That’s what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.

There’s excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, and… Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falin’s choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragon’s wasn’t done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. She’s stripped of her agency consistently, and so… It’s very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.

Personally, I think freedom is Falin’s own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.

And if you think I’m going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laios’ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, it’s something that’s consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.

Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, it’s always been Laios’ curse.

Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, but… On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks it’d be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If there’s someone you don’t like, you can gobble ‘em up in one bite. If you could fly, you’d be able to leave this village right now." It’s a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.

But you’ll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesn’t want to leave knowing they’ll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laios’ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isn’t to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isn’t to stay and see how well his friends will live, it’s to go. It’s to leave. It’s to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. It’s again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didn’t, or not caring and wishing you did.

In the end, it’s Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. It’s a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying they’ll get themselves killed, that time is passing while they’re away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what it’s like to have what she’s never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.

No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if you’re a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when you’re a beast and you can just… Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because you’re at the bottom of the hierarchy, you’re now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.

I think she’s on autopilot. I think she’s on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and it’s partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) It’s familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And that’s what is weaponized when she’s a chimera, that instinct she’s been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesn’t matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesn’t mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because she’s trained it to take as little place as it could.

Falin cares too much

She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.

So you’re probably seeing the duality I’m talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often don’t recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesn’t care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.

In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. She’s undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, it’s text, in the response to Shuro’s proposal extra no less. And she’s so laser focused on her most loved people that she’s fine with being callous and risking others’ lives, even.

Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.

Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.

And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with her… Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her too… In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way that’s not palatable. But she doesn’t care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasn’t for a while now, and that’s great.

Notes & nuance

I’m struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. It’s difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but there’s this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "it’s ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldn’t fit well in other places but are interesting for Falin’s character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, it’s just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I can’t just pull it up whenever it’s relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurer’s Bible profile if you haven’t already.

I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didn’t seem to mind others ostracizing her, it’s easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid she’s bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leader… There’s one istanxe of her caring actually, and it’s about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laios’ said it and as I rambled Laios’ words are her world, but actually it’s ambiguous. It’s only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, there’s no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other hand…

Her Adventurer’s Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falin’s struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesn’t like being called cute over it, but that’s not how she wants people to see her. She doesn’t want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.

Here’s a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts don’t seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe it’s more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didn’t keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ‘troublesome’. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.

And on the topic of appearances… A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurer’s Bible profile) it’s just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."

Imo the thing is, I don’t think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for others’ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but that’s not personality wise it’s needs and wants wise. And I do feel like that’s the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesn’t know what she wants because everything she’s done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesn’t change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesn’t ask things from people and doesn’t hope for more, hope for better. I don’t think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her it’s less ‘appearing stoic to fit in more’ and more ‘yeah i’ll just chill until I’m needed or something activates my enthusiasm’. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you can’t be useful the next best thing is being convenient."

And speaking of passivity… I want to speculate about Shuro’s proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we don’t know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuro’s proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I don’t think it was as simple as ‘she wanted to say yes for convenience’. Logically it’s what would have been best, but it’s not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesn’t think she’ll get proposed to again, it’s that self-effacing tendency that yes it’d be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isn’t in it, because if it’s convenient then that’s more important than her feelings on the matter. Man also… Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldn’t get with Shuro, but imagine how Falin’s whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.

AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much she’s master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but she’s for sure there & influencing the dragon’s action to some degree. Having a dragon’s foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but there’s Falin calling out to her brother Laios, there’s the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly there’s the Adventurer’s Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that it’s her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, it’s interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, she’s described as Thistle’s guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so I’ll reign myself in and just mention it again. She’s still at the heel of someone, only now it’s someone who doesn’t care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that it’s suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think that’s part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isn’t unlike the care she gives the ghosts.

Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.

But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc we’ve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "I’ll lay down my life for you" point? I’m so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isn’t it cool?" gestures of showing things to her… It’s the only way she knows to ask, or maybe it’s the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same time… I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. I’d usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but there’s a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.

Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo important… Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didn’t mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you haven’t seen each other in a while or when they’re alone, and yes there’s potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin won’t be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same way… I hope I’m making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they don’t know if that’s allowed, if they’re going about the social interaction the right way, if they’re allowed to ask that out of someone…

Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didn’t see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falin’s actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldn’t see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course she’d see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).

A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcille’s world, Laios’ is at the center of Falin’s, and I tend to agree.

It’s fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course there’s how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but there’s how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.

I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think there’s an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I don’t really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. ‘If you die do it somewhere where I can’t see’ style’ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I don’t vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isn’t needlessly against ghosts. And Falin’s sudden mace hits are fun to me too because it’s not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whatever’s needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.

I’m working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falin’s dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laios’ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.

Conclusion

Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.

Tldr: Falin doesn’t care all that much, she’s very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesn’t really care because that’d require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but it’s more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: she’s canonically very genuinely kind, but it’s more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. She’s passive, and softspoken because that’s just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the ol’ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. She’s shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but there’s also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. There’s a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falin’s case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.

She’s sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and that’s it don’t hope for more don’t ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how she’s not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)

Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.

-

I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it

That’s it, ty for reading. Even if it’s a bit of a mess, hopefully you’ll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.

Here’s my spotify playlist for her if you’d like

Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-love’s important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.

[imaginespazzi]

Part 4: Warning Bells

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9

I don't think I can do this again (do you remember it too?)

(In which a self-admittedly all over the place writer takes you on a bit of a rollercoaster)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Fluff, Angst, Pining (the usuals)

Words: 6.1K

TW: Swearing, Mentions of Divorce

A/N: Hi lovelies :) Guess who made a deadline again? I'm as shocked as y'all are but I do wanna just warn y'all that August is gonna be really busy for me so as much as I'm gonna try to stick to schedule, there's a pretty good chance I won't. I really appreciate y'alls feedback with live-reacts/long reviews and it's truly the motivating factor behind my writing so pretty please keep sending them. I did edit (as usual) but please let me know the most likely existent typos anyway. As always, let me know what you liked, disliked and what you wanna see next. Have a lovely rest of your week my loves <3

March 2033 

Here’s what Azzi has learned about motherhood: having kids means that there will come many times in your life, when you will look around you and wonder how the hell did I get here. It’s that thought that’s currently plaguing her as she finishes hanging up the WELCOME HOME banner on the living room wall in her ex-girlfriend’s new apartment. And when she’s talking about kids, she’s not talking about her five year old who’s currently sticking purple hearts on every surface she can find. No, she’s talking about her 6’5 teammate who she’d once “adopted” as a joke in college, but who’s basically become her surrogate child ever since they’d ended up on the same WNBA team. 

It had started as a casual conversation when Jana, as she often did, had shown up for an impromptu lunch. The topic of Paige was hard to avoid considering it was Stephie’s favorite subject, heightened by the fact that Paige was coming back soon and Stephie was far too excited to finally have her Miss Buecks back. Jana was more than happy to indulge the little girl in conversation about what Paige had been like at UConn. And if Azzi had lost herself in those memories for a moment, transported back in time to a world that had once been blooming with promise before wilting in a darkness she’d created herself, well, she’d done an excellent job not letting it show on her face. 

The real issue had started when Jana had casually let slip her idea of surprising Paige with a little welcome party. And as Stephie had started reciting all the different things they could do -because of course me and Mama will help you Aunty J, Azzi had glared at Jana, only to receive an innocent smile in return that told her everything she needed to know. She’d been set up. 

That’s how, instead of spending her Saturday curled up on her comfortable couch with a book in her hands, Azzi is here instead and in true fashion, she’s the only one actually getting anything done. Jana, who had just left about twenty minutes ago to pick Paige up, had invited some of the other girls on the team to come help out yet, something about more hands on deck. Those supposed helpful hands had spent the last hour blowing up and popping balloons and getting nothing else done.

“I can’t believe y’all have me decorating for the woman who cost me my first national championship,” Joyce laments, “I still have nightmares from that game.”

“You gotta let that hurt go Aunty Joy,” Stephie says impishly, mimicking what Jana would normally say whenever the infamous 2025 South Carolina vs UConn national championship got brought up. 

“Don’t sass me Miss Stephanie,” Joyce sticks out her tongue at the little girl, throwing a purple balloon at Stephie’s head, “hasn’t your Mama taught you that we don’t mock people’s pain.”

“Ignore her Steph,” Tessa says, bumping her former Gamecock teammate as she shares a devilish grin with Azzi’s daughter, “she’s just upset she only won one. Some of us have two.”

Joyce guffaws, throwing another balloon, this time aimed at Tessa, “dude we’re supposed to be on the same team. What would Coach Staley say to you teaming with UConn people of all things to bully me?”

“She’d thank me for making sure you didn’t get a big head,” Tessa snipes back. 

Whatever response Joyce has to that quip is cut short by the doorbell ringing and Azzi feels her heartbeat quicken as Stephie lets out a squeal, dropping everything to go answer it. Things had been different since the facetime call almost two weeks ago. They’d accidentally on purpose settled into a routine where Stephie would call Paige at exactly 7 p.m. and Paige would answer on the first ring, promising to stay on the phone till the little girl fell asleep. And it would’ve been fine if that’s all it was. But then Paige started staying on the phone till after Stephie fell asleep and suddenly it was like they were back to their teenage selves, talking about everything and nothing, trying to learn every page of each other’s story all over again. 

Azzi had missed so much about Paige in the last couple of years but there was nothing she’d missed more than just talking to her best friend. She’d missed the way Paige would tell a story, going off on a million tangents in between. She’d missed the way her eyes would light up when she got to a particularly exciting part of the story, specks of gold shimmering in the blue like sunlight hitting the ocean. She’d missed the way Paige’s hands would be flying animatedly all over the place, even when she was whispering. She’d missed the way the blonde would pause halfway through to observe if Azzi was still listening, making sure all of the attention was still on her. And she’d missed the way that when it was Azzi’s turn to speak, Paige would hang onto every word like it was gospel, intently listening like she’d never forgive herself if she couldn’t recite everything Azzi had just said from memory. She’d missed the way Paige would let her emotions freely flicker across her face, because whatever happened to Azzi, Paige felt it too. 

She’d missed and missed, convinced the pain would be the end of her, until she’d tricked her mind into forgetting. And now Azzi’s beginning to realize that remembering it all again, might just be the thing that kills her. 

“Nevermind,” Stephie walks back to the room, sulking slightly, “it’s just Aunty Liyah.”

“Oh thanks Stephie babe. That makes me feel so wonderful,” Aaliyah says, walking in behind Stephie with an offended expression on her face, “and here I thought bringing cupcakes would make me popular.”

“Tell me those are store-bought Chavez. I ain’t trusting them if you made them yourselves,” Joyce says, side-eyeing the cupcakes. 

“Trust me I would never waste my precious time baking for y’all ungrateful ass-”

“Aaliyah,” Azzi shoots her younger teammate a sharp look.

“-ungrateful people,” Aaliyah corrects sheepishly, “cupcakes because y’all clearly don’t appreciate me.”

“I pre-ciate you Aunty Liyah,” Stephie says innocently, trying to get a better look at the aforementioned cupcakes, “you got the pu-ple ones right? They have to be pu-ple for Miss Buecks.”

Aaliyah bends down to Stephie’s level to show her the box of sweet treats “the perfect purple cupcakes for your Miss Buecks. How come you never wanna do nice things like this for us Stephie?”

“Because Miss Buecks is special,” Stephie retorts matter-of-factly.

“Oh so we’re not special?” Tessa asks, raising an eyebrow at Stephie.

“‘Course you are but Miss Buecks is special-er.”

And while her teammates all pretend to dramatically gasp at that, shaking their heads at Stephie, Azzi feels like someone’s squeezing her heart, twisting and twisting but never fully breaking it. She wonders if that might hurt less.

It’s another 10 minutes later when the doorbell rings again and Azzi watches her daughter’s face break into an incandescent grin, filled with hope, as she rushes to open the door because it has to be Paige this time. Azzi follows after her, trying to keep her breathing under control as anticipation clings to her nerves. Azzi’s gotten so spectacularly good at lying to herself that she tells herself this next one with ease: there’s not a single part of her that’s eager to see Paige again. 

“SURPRISE,” Stephie screams, flinging the front door open with as much strength as she can muster. She doesn’t give Paige a chance to react before she’s throwing herself against the blonde’s legs, hugging her thighs. 

It takes a second for Paige to register what’s happening, but when she does, it’s Azzi she’s looking at. Everything seems to move in slow motion as they stare at each other, the reality of the moment suddenly settling in. Paige is here. In Oakland. They’re going to be teammates; they’re going to see each other almost every day. Just like they used to. Except nothing is like it used to be and as that bitter truth comes up like bile in Azzi’s throat, she has to force herself to look away. 

“Miss Buecks,” Stephie calls out, tugging at the hem of Paige’s white shirt to get her attention, “do you like my surprise?”

Paige tears her eyes away from Azzi, leaning down to pick Stephie up before peppering her faces with kisses and making the younger girl squeal in delight, “best surprise ever.”

And Azzi really, really, can’t watch this. Not when it makes her want to walk over and cocoon herself in with the two of them, makes her want to pretend that she’s living in another life, one where she hadn’t thrown away the chance of a happily ever after with the girl she’d fallen in love with at fourteen, 

“Oh yeah Stephie, your surprise. Take all the credit. Not like the rest of us did anything,” Joyce rolls her eyes goodnaturedly, before pulling Paige into a one-armed hug, “welcome to the Bay Area Bueckers.”

Tessa and Aaliyah are next, both sharing warm hugs with their new teammate. Once they’ve had their turn, all eyes seem to turn to Azzi expectantly and the brunette blanches under their gaze. Other than Jana, who suddenly seems pretty heavily interested in the doorframe, the rest of her teammates don’t know about her past with Paige. So it’s only natural they’d expect her to greet Paige with all the cordiality of an old friend. 

“Y’all good?” Joyce asks slowly, looking between the two of them, “do you want me to introduce y’all or?”

“Shut up,” Azzi murmurs before drawing in a deep breath and stepping towards Paige. She tries not to fixate on the way Paige’s jaw flexes when the blonde swallows, tries not to think about all the patterns she’d once carved against that little patch of skin because she knew it drove Paige insane. The thing is Azzi can’t even really remember the last time they hugged beyond a for-the-cameras one at a game. But as she wraps her arms around Paige, the older woman’s breath tickling against her ear as she grips Azzi’s waist, it doesn’t feel that much different from how it used to be. Paige’s arms are still safe and strong and Azzi still wants to melt into them. But what’s different is that Stephie’s in between them now, tiny hands securely fastened around both of their necks. And Azzi almost, almost gives into the feeling of belonging as she whispers two simple words that mean just a little too much.

“Welcome home.”

***

Seven pairs of eyes watch as the movers move box after box after box into Paige’s apartment, until there’s more cardboard than floor visible. The three non-UConn girlies are wide-eyed as they watch the pile grow endlessly. Meanwhile Jana is laughing while Azzi tries to hide a smile behind her hands as the realization that she’d have to unpack all of her stuff hits Paige in waves, and her expression grows more and more somber. Once the movers are finally done, it’s Stephie, whose hand is still firmly clasped in Paige’s, who breaks the silence. 

“You have a lot of things Miss Buecks,” the little girl crinkles her nose, as she points out the obvious, “do you really need all of this stuff.”

“Of course I do Stephie,” Paige says indignantly and Azzi scoffs, earning her a withering glare from the blond. 

“Aight well it was nice to meet you-” Joyce starts, slowly backing away from the mess until Jana blocks her way. 

“Oh no you don’t. I told y’all we were all gonna help her move in. Call it team bonding,” the Egyptian says, her voice vaguely threatening. 

“Most of the team isn’t even here,” Aaliyah points out cautiously. 

“That’s not the point,” Jana rebukes, “alright team listen up. Here’s how this is going to go-”

“Maybe Paige should take charge. It is her apartment,” Tessa says slowly. 

“If we put Paige in charge she’ll tell us all to go home and procrastinate doing anything until after the season,” Azzi says, a knowing smirk playing on her lips. 

Paige pouts, “hey! I’m not that bad.”

“Oh you absolutely are.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“O-kay,” Jana claps, breaking apart the bickering, “it’s good to see the two of you are apparently younger than Stephie,” she holds up a hands a both Paige and Azzi start to splutter in their defense, “now as I was saying before being rudely interrupted. We’re gonna split this up. Joyce and I are gonna do the living room. Aaliyah and Tessa, y’all are gonna fix the guest room. Which leaves,” Jana smiles, and it’s only because Azzi knows her so well that she can read the menacing sparkle behind it, “Paige and Azzi to tackle the master bedroom.”

They both open their mouths to protest but are quick to get cut off by an excited Stephie, “I’mma help Mama and Miss Buecks!”

“Of course you are, why would you ever help anybody else? Clearly you don’t love us anymore. Not since your precious Miss Buecks got here,” Joyce says dramatically and while Paige smirks and the rest of the girls pretend to act mock offended, Azzi uses the distraction to sidle up to Jana. 

“What the fuck are you playing at El-Alfy,” she hisses under hear breath.

Jana shrugs innocently, “the master bedroom is the hardest because Paige has so many fucking clothes so I’m letting y’all old heads do it. Some of us are below 30 ya know.”

“Cut the bullshit,” Azzi snaps. 

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about Fudd,” Jana says airily as she starts to unpack a box, leaving Azzi muttering curses under her breath. 

“Hey-”

Azzi spins around at the soft voice, only to find herself crashing against a solid body. It’s instinct, the way Paige’s hands immediately reach out to steady her and it’s instinct, the way Azzi’s hands grab at the lapels of the blond’s shirt. Goosebumps trails up her skin as Paige's breath, hot and heavy, fans across her face. They’re too close; way too close and yet the idea of stepping away feels like a sin. Azzi gulps as her thumb accidentally brushes Paige’s collarbone and the other woman shivers under her touch. She thinks she could probably get drunk off the feeling of knowing that she can still affect Paige like that. 

“You uh-” Paige swallows, fingers squeezing involuntarily against Azzi’s hip, “you don’t have to listen to Jana. I can- I can figure it out myself.”

“N-no,” Azzi stutters and she wonders if Paige feels a high from the way she still affects Azzi too, “there’s um- you have- uh- you have a lot of stuff. I can-,” she sucks in a deep breath, “I’ll help.”

“You sure?” there’s a vulnerable edge to Paige’s tone and any resolve Azzi could ever have melts immediately. 

“I want to help,” she says softly, letting a small smile slip onto her lips. 

The smile she gets in return is bright and sparkling, just like Paige herself and Azzi’s heart lurches, pleased to be the one receiving it, pleased to be the one who’d elicited it, “Good, cause I really wanted your help.”

Azzi shakes her head, trying to ignore the warning bells blazing in her head at the fact that they’re still holding each other, “why’d you pretend you didn’t?”

“I just wanted to hear you say it first,” Paige says, biting at her bottom lip. It leaves a light mark and Azzi finds herself wanting to soothe it over with her own tongue.

She thinks it might have been easier if it was just a little harder to fall back into Paige. It shouldn’t be so simple to fall back into late night conversations, so simple to fall back into easy teasing, so simple to fall back into feeling at peace in Paige’s arms. But it is. 

“Mama, Miss Buecks,” it’s Stephie who breaks their bubble but instead of jumping away from each other like they should, they step apart only enough to let the little girl into the space between them, so she can lace her hands through both of theirs, “are you ready?”

“Before you go Paige,” Tessa calls out, holding up a clear bag of corner guards and edge protectors, “what are we doing with these?”

Paige shuffles her feet nervously, “you um- you put them on the edge of like tables and stuff.”

“Bro but they’re for people who have children?” Joyce says, giving Paige a weird look, “you have a kid we don’t know about?”

Paige’s eyes flicker to Stephie for a brief second and Azzi freezes, a warm realization tickling up her spine. Butterflies erupt in her stomach, their wings fluttering to the beat of what’s mine could have been ours. 

“Of course not. I’m just super clumsy so precautions and all that,” the blond explains, shooting Jana a glare when the taller woman barely masks a giggle, “quit procrastinating by asking all these questions and get to work.”

“Has anyone ever told you the importance of first impressions? Because I’m telling you Bueckers, using your teammates as unpaid labor the first time you meet them is not it,” Aaliyah gives Paige a pointed look. 

“This wasn’t even my idea in the first place,” Paige defends. 

“True,” Tessa nods with a sickly sweet smile, “but you’re gonna pay for the pizza anyways.”

“I’m not pay-”

“PIZZA,” Stephie squeals, “Miss Buecks you’re gonna get us Pizza?”

“Yeah Miss Buecks,” Azzi smickers, crossing her arms as Paige’s stubborn retort dies on her lips, “you gonna get us pizza?”

Paige glares at her before she’s swinging Stephie up onto her lap again. And she really needs to stop doing things like that because it’s not remotely good for Azzi’s mental health to watch the way Stephie seems to fit perfectly in Paige’s arms, “of course I am Steph, what do you want?”

The two of them are lost in their own world discussing pizza toppings as Paige starts walking over to the master bedroom, until suddenly they're both turning around, looking at Azzi with identical expressions. And the brunette feels her heart tap out this could be my everything against her ribcage. 

“You coming Azzi?”

“Mama, are you coming?”

I’d go anywhere with the two of you, Azzi thinks as she nods her head, a light skip in her step as she moves to catch up with the two of them. 

“Of course I’m coming.”

***

Less than 10 minutes into trying to unpack, Azzi realizes that she’s the only one trying to unpack anything when she looks up from where she’s been folding t-shirts -trying and failing at not breathing in their familiar scent- to find Stephie decked in a colorful cardigan that goes all the way down to her toes, her feet clad in a pair of PB4’s that must be three times the size of her own shoes. A pair of Louis Vuitton sunglasses hide almost her entire face as she strikes pose after pose and Paige diligently takes pictures of her. 

“YES Stephie,” the blond indulges, “work it girl. There you go babe, hold that pose for me. You’re a natural in front of the camera.”

Stephie giggles and Azzi feels her heart constrict. Her favorite sound in the whole world has never sounded more like a signal for danger. 

“Ahem ahem,” she coughs, narrowing her eyes at the two people in front of her, “doesn’t look like y’all are unpacking to me.”

“Mama Miss Buecks has so many pretty clothes,” Stephie gushes, completely ignoring what her mother just said. 

“They’d look even prettier folded in her closet,” Azzi says pointedly. 

Stephie pouts, “you don’t think I look pretty?”

“You look really pretty in my clothes Stephie,” Paige cuts in, tapping the little girl on the nose before she turns her gaze towards Azzi, “just like your Mama used to.”

The silk material shirt slips out of Azzi’s hand as Paige’s words drizzle around her, like the rain after a drought. It takes every little bit of strength she can muster to force herself to ignore Paige’s words and pick up another shirt to fold even if she can’t stop the rouge tint that colors her face. There’s this part of her that’s been dormant for years but every little interaction with Paige threatens to awaken it and Azzi’s scared that if she lets that happen, she’ll never be able to put it to sleep again. 

“Just- just focus on unpacking,” Azzi mutters darkly. 

She spends the next hour or so, keeping her eyes downcast, her complete focus on the task at hand. Because if she looks up, if she lets herself see the way Stephie and Paige are folding clothes together while giggling about something, if she lets herself see the way Stephie climbs onto Paige’s back so the woman can give her a piggyback to the closet to deposit the folded clothes, she thinks she could fall in love with this moment, capture it behind her eyelids and let it live there forever. But this moment doesn’t belong to Azzi. Because Paige doesn’t belong to Azzi. Not anymore. 

Azzi’s taken away from her thoughts when she feels a tiny hand wrapping around her neck from behind, Stephie’s warm body pressing against her back and just like that, all the tension in her muscles seem to dissipate. 

“What’s up sweetheart,” she asks, turning her head to press her lips against her daughter’s temple. 

“Nothing Mama,” Stephie says sweetly, “just wanted to give you a hug.”

“Sure you’re not just trying to get out of helping Miss Buecks unpack?” Azzi asks slyly, pulling Stephie from behind her, so the little girl’s lying on her lap instead. She can feel Paige’s eyes focused on the two of them and even without looking, she thinks she knows what she’d find in them if she did. 

“Of course not Mama,” Stephie grins and then squeals as Azzi begins to tickle her. 

“I think you are,” Azzi sings-songs as she continues to poke at her daughter’s stomach, reveling in the way it makes the child laugh. 

“N-no Mama stop, stop,” Stephie manages to wrench herself out from Azzi’s grip, darting to hide behind Paige’s legs, “Miss Buecks save me.”

“There’s no saving you now Stephie-bear,” Azzi roars dramatically as she picks herself off the floor, smirking at her daughter as she wriggles her fingers menacingly. 

“You know what the best way to stop someone from tickling you is Stephie?” Paige says slowly, sending the little girl a conspiratorial wink.

“Don’t you dare-” 

“You tickle them back,” Paige yells and Stephie eyes widen with excitement, “did you know your Mama’s extremely ticklish?”

“Paige no,” Azzi starts moving back, hands held in surrender. 

“You started it.”

“Yeah Mama, you started it.”

“Paige. Stephie. Ple-” Azzi cuts herself off with squeal as two sets of hands start mercilessly prodding at her ribcage. She can’t get away, not when Paige has her securely wrapped from the back and Stephie’s pressed against her front, both of them laughing maniacally. They’re a mess of limbs that’s becoming harder and harder to tell apart as the three of them topple onto Paige’s bed. And Azzi thinks maybe she doesn’t want to escape it at all. She thinks she’d like to freeze them in this moment instead. Forever. 

“Pizza’s here,” someone yells from the living room and it’s Stephie who stops first, immediately jumping off the bed at the mention of food, leaving Paige and Azzi alone. On Paige’s bed. Barely an inch of distance between them as they try to catch their breath. It’s Azzi who sits up first, smoothening the wrinkles on her shirt. And just as she’s about to stand up fully, she feels a hand circling around her wrist. 

“It’s gonna be weird being alone tonight,” Paige confesses softly and Azzi feels her breath hitch.

“Didn’t you live alone in Dallas? At least after the divorce?” she tries to keep the bitterness out of her voice at the last word, a bitterness she knows she has absolutely no right to feel. 

Paige shrugs, her shoulders brushing against Azzi’s, “I did but I knew Dallas. I don’t know this place.”

“What exactly are you asking me?” Azzi asks even though she knows. 

“I’m not asking you anything. I don’t know if I have that right anymore” Paige says softly, letting go of Azzi’s wrist as she starts to walk towards the living room, turning her head back slightly once she gets to the door, “I’m just telling you I don’t wanna be alone tonight.”

***

Damn Paige Bueckers and her vulnerable eyes and her earnest tone because Azzi would, really, really like to be enjoying her slice of pizza right now. Instead everything tastes like ashes as Paige’s unsaid plea rings in her head. There are so many reasons why Azzi absolutely shouldn’t give in, why she should grab Stephie, get into her car, drive home and never look back. This involuntary dance the two of them are starting is far too familiar to what they’d done when they were teenagers and the vivid memories of the day the music stopped and they’re feet stopped moving still haunt Azzi every time she lets herself think of it for a little too long. And she shouldn’t push herself into this fire again, not when there’s Stephie to think about, but there’s a tiny little problem. She thinks she might be addicted to burning in Paige’s flames. 

So when the pizza’s done and the house is more or less in order, and her teammates are ready to leave, looking expectantly at Azzi, she finds herself leaping into lava, “um- I think Stephie and I are gonna stay for a little bit longer.”

“We are?” Stephie asks, a huge smile stretching the length of her face as she looks up at her mother. 

“Yeah. Um- Paige’s bedroom still um- still needs some work,” Azzi tries to justify her decision, ignoring the heat of the blond’s eyes that seem to be perpetually stuck staring at her. 

Joyce raises a perplexed eyebrow, “it looked done to me.”

Paige clears her throat, “there’s definitely uh- a couple more things that need to be handled.”

“It’s almost Stephie’s bedtime. I could stay and help-” Jana begins, eyeing the two of them suspiciously.

“No,” Paige says, a little louder than necessary, “I mean you’ve already done so much for me today Jana,” she manages a smirk, “let Azzi pull her weight a little bit too ya know.”

Janna narrows her eyes but doesn’t push it. It’s oddly domestic, standing side by side with Paige bidding goodbye to their teammates, Stephie in between them happily waving at the people that are leaving. The warning bells get louder and louder; Azzi continues to do nothing to stop them. 

“Mama, how long are we staying?” Stephie asks innocently. 

“We um-” Azzi chews at her lip, finally giving into the temptation to look at Paige, “we’re gonna stay with Miss Buecks tonight so she doesn’t feel alone.”

The shrill scream that escapes Stephie’s mouth could probably break glass as she turns herself around to grab at Paige’s waist, “Miss Buecks I’m gonna stay with you! We’re gonna have a sleep-over.”

Paige laughs, kneeling down so she’s face to face with the little girl, “yeah we are.”

“Are you scared to sleep alone too Miss Buecks?” Stephie asks cautiously, cupping Paige’s face with tiny hands. 

“Just a little bit,” Paige admits, leaning into Stephie’s touch. 

“Me too,” Stephie whispers shyly, “that’s why I sneak into Mama's bed and she gives me lots and lots and lots of cuddles. Mama’s cuddles are the best,” she turns to Azzi, “Mama will you give Miss Buecks cuddles tonight too?”

“I uh-” Azzi swallows, taken aback by the question, “I thought you didn’t like sharing Mama’s cuddles?”

“I don’t,” Stephie agrees, “but I’d be okay sharing them with Miss Buecks.”

***

Azzi had planned -a loose term because really she hadn’t planned on any of this- for her and Stephie to take the guest room. Paige had been ready to give up her own room on the grounds of politeness. And Stephie was insistent that she needed to sleep in between both Mama and Miss Buecks tonight because it’s a sleepover we all have to stay together. Obviously out of the three of them, only one of them was going their way and it didn’t take a genius to figure out who that would be.  That’s how they’d ended up here, dragging chairs and pillows and blankets into the middle of the living room to create a makeshift fort. 

Azzi’s putting on the finishing touches, stringing purple fairy lights Paige had produced out of nowhere, when Stephie emerges from Paige’s bedroom where she’d gone looking for something to wear in lieu of pajamas. 

“Mama look what I found,” Stephie beams, proudly pointing at the black t-shirt she’s found that covers her whole body, “it’s you and Miss Buecks when you were littler.”

It’s their SLAM cover t-shirt and Azzi feels tears prickling at her waterline as she’s met with the picture of a younger version of the two of them. Back when they’d been so hopeful and carefree, ready to take on the world as long as they could do it together. Back when they’d been 2 in a million.

“I can’t believe you still have this,” Azzi whispers, unable to stop herself from running her fingers across the version of who they used to be. She wonders what those girls would think of them now; those girls who’d laid and bed and pinky promised forever. She thinks they’d probably be appalled at the fact that Paige and Azzi had spent eight years barely speaking. She thinks maybe they’d hate her for what she’d done. She thinks maybe she hates herself a little bit for what she’s done to them. 

Paige is leaning against the wall, her voice quiet when she speaks, “I couldn’t let it go.”

And they both know she’s not talking about the shirt. 

“Can we watch a movie?” Stephie asks, diving into the fort and peering up at the two adults. 

Paige recovers first, “yeah- yeah of course Steph,” she looks at Azzi, “do you- do you want something else to sleep in?”

“I’m good,” Azzi says, trying to inconspicuously brush away a rebellious tear. The shirt she’s wearing feels itchy against her skin but she doesn’t think she could handle wearing something of Paige’s. She scooches into the fort, leaning back against one of the pillows and Stephie’s quick to curl into her and Azzi absentmindedly rubs her hands down her daughter’s back. Paige switches on the TV, letting Stephie dictate a movie choice before letting herself into the fort, laying down on Stephie’s other side. 

“Miss Buecks come cuddle,” Stephie demands from where her head is laying on Azzi’s chest. When Paige hesitates, the younger girl takes it upon herself to pull Paige’s arms over her, making the older woman lie on her side so she can drape her hands over Stephie's stomach, accidentally brushing against Azzi’s ribcage. Stephie lets out a satisfied sigh, lying back down against Azzi, crossing her arms so she can hold Paige’s hand with one and latch onto her mother with the other. 

“Perfect.”

And it is. The sound of Stephie’s chatter slowly fading away mixed with Paige’s quiet breathing is the perfect lullaby and Azzi finds herself drifting off into the best sleep she’s had in years. 

***

Sunlight peeks in through the window and Azzi groans at the interruption. Her whole body feels a little stiff, not used to sleeping on the floor like this. A quick glance at her phone tells her it’s 7 a.m. and Azzi’s just about to let herself fall back asleep when her eyes land on the two sleeping figures next to her. Stephie’s face is buried in Paige’s neck, one arm slung over her waist. Paige, mouth slightly ajar as she sleeps, has both hands fastened on the younger, holding her tightly against her chest like she’d fight the world if someone tried to steal her from her grip. They look happy, content, at peace. And Azzi can’t breathe. 

The warning bells in her head create a cacophonous commotion that she can no longer escape. It hits her like whiplash that she can’t do this. She doesn’t know what had gotten into her last night, why she’d agreed to this, to any of this. But she can’t do this. 

“Stephie,” Azzi whispers urgently, trying to pull her daughter out of Paige’s grasp, “Stephie wake up.”

“Az?” Paige asks groggily, stirring in her sleep, “what’s going on?”

“We need to go home,” Azzi says and she can’t bear to look at Paige. 

“What?” Paige is far more awake now as she glances at her phone, “it’s 7 am Azzi. What’s the rush?"

Azzi ignores her, still trying to wake Stephie up who groans, “Mama too early.”

“Steph-”

“Azzi,” Paige’s voice is firm as she wraps her hand around Azzi’s wrist, slipping Stephie off of her, “what is going on.”

Azzi grits her teeth, “nothing’s going on. We just need to go home.”

“Azzi-”

“We shouldn’t have stayed last night Paige,” Azzi bursts out and Paige freezes. 

“Come out of the fort Azzi,” the blond says, her voice eerily calm as she stands up. Azzi follows after her, heart beating rapidly against her chest as she tries to keep the tears at bay. 

“We need to go home,” the brunette repeats, struggling to breathe, “this was a mistake,” Paige flinches and Azzi feels a knife turn in her own hurt, “we can’t do this.”

“Do what Azzi?” Paige asks exasperatedly, still trying to keep her voice low for Stephie’s sake. 

“This,” Azzi all but shrieks, throwing her hands up, “it’s too much, too quick and Stephie- Stephie’s getting attached and I can’t- I can’t let that happen.”

“Why not?” Paige argues stubbornly. 

“Because these last two weeks she couldn’t fall asleep without you on the phone. Because you’re all she talks about sometimes. Because she’s gonna want you forever,” Azzi’s voice breaks, “and she can’t have you forever.”

“Az-”

“And you’re getting attached too. I see the way you look at her and it’s amazing but it’s not- it’s not sustainable Paige. For either of you. Because you’re gonna find someone soon,” the words taste sour on Azzi’s tongue, “and you’re not gonna have time for her and missing you is going to kill her and the guilt of that is going to hurt you. I’m trying to pro-”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Paige’s voice is hard now, eyes gleaming with fire, “you’re basing all of this on a hypothetical that might not even come true. You’re not protecting anybody. You’re projecting.”

Azzi reels back, “I am not projecting.”

“Yes you are,” Paige hisses, “you’re not scared of Stephie or me getting too attached. You’re scared of yourself getting too attached.”

“Mama? Miss Buecks,” Stephie’s tired eyes look warily between the two of them, “what’s going on?”

Azzi plasters a smile on her face as she picks up her little girl, trying to pretend that the truth in Paige’s words haven’t just made her feel hollow, “we’re going home Stephie.”

“I don’t wanna go home,” Stephie fights against Azzi’s grip, looking helplessly at Paige, “Miss Buecks I wanna stay. Can I please stay?”

“You have to listen to your Mama sweetheart” Paige says softly, heartbreak written over her face as she moves to press a kiss against Stephie’s knuckles, “but I’ll see you soon okay. I promise.”

“Miss Buecks,” Stephie whimpers and Azzi has never hated herself more as she rushes out of Paige’s new house, willing herself to not look back. She buckles Stephie in the back, pretending she doesn’t see the way Paige is watching them leave from the porch, like she’d do anything to stop it. And then she drives away. 

It isn’t until she’s safely in the confines over her own room, that Azzi finally lets the tears fall. And she consoles herself with the fact that it’s okay to crack her daughter's heart, to crack Paige’s heart, to crack her own heart, if that’s the only way she can stop their hearts from breaking altogether.

[tastesousweet]

⭒ the other woman

christopher sturniolo x poc!reader

summary: an angsty story of regret and selfishness told through different moments in time

warnings: alternate universe (takes place in the early 2000s bcs i’m obsessed), angst, implied sex, cigarettes, cheating (with, not on y/n)

a/n: hiiii srry for ghosting u guys again :/ i finally have motivation to write again!!! send in blurb or one shot ideas pls. unfortunately im putting tgwtt on hold for right now bc i feel writing that series takes so much out of me and i end up not enjoying anything i write. i hope u understand & im sorry to those who enjoy it! anyways i hope this is well received since it’s a bit different than my other works — lowkey tuned into my inner sally rooney bc her angst HITS . luv u baiiii

★ march 2004

there’s a vile and shameful look to you that you’re not so sure you’ve hidden well enough.

your stomach feels overweight and heavy with an extreme amount of pain bubbling and stabbing your insides whenever they decide to pop.

you clutch at the edge of the bathroom sink, staring at your figure and aching eyes (you added some dark eyeliner into your routine hoping to distract from your disdainful mood but you’re starting to think you may have drawn more attention with the dramatic look).

you suck your stained bottom lip into your mouth out of comfort or maybe a need for something to hold as you move to dig for the pack of slightly crumpled cigarettes in your small, wine-red purse.

the door handle begins to rattle unnervingly just as you spark the slim stick to life.

you comically still yourself in your exact position (bent over odd and cupping your hand around the cig as if there was any sudden wind to blow out your flame in your friend's classy bathroom).

"y/n? you in here?!"

your eyes widen first, before they eventually roll. you wave your hands around to cut through the plumes of clogged smoke in the quaint room.

“y/n!”

“someone’s in here!” you reply, taking another puff of smoke and adjusting your hair a bit in the mirror.

“you gonna open up for me?”

“ummm,” you sputter through the cigarette held in your mouth as you adjust your strapless dress with both hands in the mirror.

“y/n.”

you let out a soft groan and quickly smash the cigarette a few times against the french vanilla ceramic sink bowl, throwing what's left of it in the trash. you practically shove yourself against the tiny wall space to the side of the door as you inch it open enough for the two of you to gain a full view of each other.

you smile, “chris.”

★ december 2003

they say the holidays are worst when spent alone.

and despite having three siblings and parents who’d want nothing more than to spend their christmas eve with their son, chris has always preferred to spend the holidays with a beautiful girl — in hopes that she’d gift him the intoxicating feeling of her thighs tightly trapping his face by the end of the night.

so it’s shocking that he’s at your door step, dressed in a suave, ribbed white long sleeve, dark blue jeans, and somehow caught without one of his usual hats slouched on top of his head of fawn hair.

and it’s real fucking odd that you answer the door wearing a dress that fits you extremely well, paired with a cardigan to keep some modesty.

it’s so very weird given that chris has his girlfriend of over a year texting him another apology for abandoning their plans together to visit her family in wisconsin as you both share an intimate hug on your porch.

you try not to think it’s so unnatural for you and chris to go out for dinner, despite the fact that everyone in your small town knows he has a girlfriend who’s notably quite the opposite of you.

thank goodness chris keeps some casualty — leaving you to open your own door when climbing into his beloved truck.

★ february 2004

“okay, um, this is something you can eat and there’s, like, a million types- you like granny smith!”

“oo, apples!”

chris nods excitedly and flips to the next card, “it’s my favorite meal of the day.”

“breakfast!”

“yes, you’re perfect. alright this is casper the friendly-”

“ghost!”

“amazing! ‘kay, i’m always complaining that mine isn’t stiff enough.”

“your dick?” josh jokes.

“fuck off, josh! i’m more than capable…” chris laughs.

“gross! chris?!”

“what?! don’t make it a biggie. now hurry ‘n gimme that answer baby, please?”

“well i’m guessing it’s your mattress?!”

“you have 7 seconds!” nick says while intensely staring at the tiny hourglass.

chris gives an encouraging hand motion for her to continue on that path.

“ummm… your bed?!”

“yes! that’s what i’m talking about!” chris shoots up from his position, on the ground in front of the coffee table, and immediately picks liv up from the couch in celebration.

the group let out plenty of laughs and giggles at the fear in her eyes as she’s lifted up and down excitedly.

cassie yells out, “aw yay mom and dad!” when chris sets her down and kisses her lips.

you try to control your face. your eyes flicker over and see them smiling with their faces so close together. and it drives you a little mad that whatever chris whispered to make her burst into laughter can’t be heard from your spot across the couch, especially not when there are so many conversations going on at once.

it’s just a game. you have no right to be jealous. it’s fucking taboo.

you clear your throat and uncross your legs as you begin to leave from the leather couch, “matt and josh, you can go before me- i’m just gonna grab some water.”

★ march 2004

“smoking cigs again?” chris asks as he steps into the bathroom.

“no,” you lie, resting your hip against the edge of the counter.

he knows you’re lying but doesn’t bother to pressure the truth out of you, he’s not your father. or your boyfriend at that.

“are you doing okay?” he pauses and waits for you to acknowledge him.

you don’t.

he clears his throat, “you look beautiful in this,” he tugs your dress down showing off the cleavage you’d just got done hiding.

“‘m all good,” you answer his initial question while exaggerating a smile.

chris mindlessly nods his head and somehow gets even closer to you, to the point where you have to tilt your head just the slightest bit to make eye contact.

“can i kiss you?” he asks with a genuine glimmer of generosity in his eyes and tone; as if he wanted you to want it more than he wants it himself.

you’re silent. he holds your neck gently and raises his other hand to drag your large bottom lip downward, cooing a tease, “hmmm..?”

you whine a little to yourself — this can’t happen again.

“yes?” chris mocks a little, giving a squeeze to your neck, “say it.”

your eyes droop and suddenly the ache of pain and guilt melts down to a slush of excitement and warmth both inside and evidently outside, if the stickiness of your lace underwear says anything. you nod your head.

chris is so obsessed with your mouth, his thumb doesn't move from your bottom lip as you peek your tongue out to wet it, "yes, please." your words echo off of his lips that now practically hover yours.

even though you've used your manners you manage to deliver it as a command. and it doesn't help that you paired the sentence with your hands running up the hot skin underneath his dark shirt. his mouth hangs slightly ajar as his head nods softly once more and his eyes flicker over your pretty face.

you wait for his response before your eyes lock onto his and you pout, "i thought you wanted to kiss me, chris?"

★ december 2003

“that’s hot,” chris mumbles as he kicks his legs over eachother and stretches out on the longest part of your L - shaped, funky-green couch.

“what is?” you ask as you return to the living room, popcorn cradled in an oversized bowl against your waist.

“pamala anderson,” chris jokingly moans out, biting his bottom lip and covering his lower half with one of your fuzzy throw pillows.

“gross, you perv!” you throw a handful of popcorn at his face — that’s stretched into an adorable smile — and take a seat next to him.

“baywatch reruns are all that nbc play anymore,” you squint with a sigh, taking a swig of the cool bottle of beer chris requested before handing it to him.

“they lost the best thing to ever happen to ‘em, i’d milk that shit too.” he then takes a sip, smirking when a desperate pamala anderson begins to run in slow motion on your fuzzy box television.

“what would liv think of you drooling over some baywatch tits?”

“what would liv think of me replacing her with you for my christmas eve dinner?”

you can’t help but think that ‘replacing’ is possibly the meanest word he could have used.

he smiles and gives a soft laugh when your face doesn’t respond, “joking- don’t spaz on me now…” he rolls his eyes from you back to the screen in front of you.

you swallow and adjust your legs to sit underneath you, trying to get comfortable while remaining in your small red dress.

★ march 2004

“never again,” you remind chris and yourself as you step into your once discarded underwear.

chris nods his head a few times, replying when he finally catches his breath, “right.”

“okay,” you slip your dress back on and chris redresses himself away from you.

chris slowly comes up behind you, kissing your shoulder once and hugging you gently. you want to cry — because in any other circumstance you’d embrace this feeling. but you can’t help but feel dirty.

he whispers with his head buried in the side of your crowded neck, “you know your my best friend, right? i love you.”

and you can’t help the shivers and sobs that decide to escape from your sad, used body.

“shhhh,” he apologizes, “i’m sorry.”

★ december 2003

chris imagined having sex with you plenty of times before — figuring most guys have thought of it with all of their girl friends, at least his friends made it seem true.

though his imagination could never ever live up to your whines and the way your body effortlessly takes him as you bounce yourself on top of him.

you both knew this was a bad idea, it was bad before you ended up back at your place after dinner. chris is an admittedly horny drunk and you’re no better so sharing a few beers while sitting so close to each other was bound to backfire.

only in the morning would some ounce of guilt and regret wash over him, when he’d listen to the cheerful voicemail his unknowing girlfriend left him while he was busy with his fingers in your mouth.

★ november 2004

chris hasn’t spoken to you since you came clean to liv about your disloyalty, six months ago.

he yelled and cried at your doorstep. he told you that you ruined his entire life, that he never wants to see you again.

you convince yourself you never want to see him again, but you tend to miss him in the loneliest times. when you’re sat awake in your dark bedroom.

you still miss his voice and his face.

[mrzombielover]

- slow ride ch1

feat. sinner!adam x fem!hotel worker!reader

series masterlist | next chapter

warnings: NSFW, enemies to fuckbuddies, adam and reader both suck, unhealthy relationships, size kink oooops, light degradation

a/n: oh my god this is so self indulgent. something is fr wrong with me bc all my favorite men are irrevocably fucked up and toxic and emotionally damaged and would treat me like shit teehee

wc: 2.2k

“You took my shame and you took my pride / And now you gonna take me for a slowride”

When even Charlie is trepidatious about checking someone in to the hotel, you know they’ve fucked up bad.

Adam had shown up, tail between his legs, admitting something about how he’s “desperate enough to try anything,” even this “stupid delusional humiliating hotel.”

Charlie, who’s more like an angel than Adam ever was, had ultimately decided that he could stay. After a lengthy and heated discussion, she’d reminded the group that the hotel’s policy states that everyone deserves a chance at redemption, regardless of the sins they’ve committed. Considering he killed your friend, you thought that was bullshit, but it’s Charlie’s hotel at the end of the day, and you’re just along for the ride.

You like Charlie, which is why you put up with having Adam around. She’s a good person- genuinely, deep down. There’s no hidden motives in her actions. You’ve not met many good people in your life, so she’s won your respect, even if you have your doubts about the hotel’s premise.

But for as much as you love her, you briefly questioned her sanity when she asked you to keep a special eye on Adam.

“…and how exactly is that the job of treasury secretary?” You deadpan.

“Wellll…” Charlie trails off, looking away for a moment. “It isn’t really. Buuut what if I was asking as a favor, for your friend?” She clasps her hands together, giving you a smile. You have to avert your eyes from the hopeful look on her face before your resolve cracks.

“No way in hell,” You say quickly.

“Please!”

“No,”

“Pleaseee!”

You bite your lip as you think. He’s obnoxious, yes, but what’s really the worst that could happen? You close your eyes and sigh.

“…you owe me one,”

You regret accepting every day. Nobody got along with Adam. Well, nobody except for Nifty, who seemed thrilled to have a real bad boy staying in the hotel. You, however, got along with him the least of all.

For someone who’d come to the hotel in his time of need- who was in no position to ask for anything other than forgiveness- Adam sure has a smartass mouth. It seems Charlie just wants to give you a brain aneurysm, that’s why she gave you this job. Even if that wasn’t her goal, that’s certainly the stage you’re approaching, because fighting with Adam everyday is 100% going to make you pop a blood vessel.

You can’t help it. Something about him- the way he acts, the forced proximity, just gets under your skin, makes your eye twitch. He should be groveling, begging for forgiveness, putting his heart and soul into bettering himself, yet all he does is bitch and moan. Constantly complaining would be one thing, hell’s full of whiners, but he also feels the need to voice every thought he’s ever had, which often includes insults and snide remarks about those around him. You’ve never been one to take that shit- though, nobody at the hotel really does. It seems to be much worse with you two, specifically, though.

The problem comes in because, as much as you hate to admit it, you might sometimes occasionally have some things in common with him. No, you’re not quite as loud or crude or obnoxious, you don’t generally insult people for fun, but if someone deserves it?

You’ve tore into people for way less than murdering your friend, showing up on your doorstep and being a pain in your ass 24/7, especially if you’re in a particularly shitty mood. Reduced people to tears for mildly inconveniencing you, having an annoying voice, wasting food, etc etc… all of which Adam does.

Generally, you’re apathetic to what goes on around you, especially at the hotel. You’re fed, don’t have to pay rent, and can pretty much do whatever you want, so dealing with the annoying, traumatized, dramatic residents and staff is a fair trade off in your eyes. Adam should, in theory, be no different than the rest of them to you. So you cannot, for the life of you, figure out what about him makes him so much worse than the rest.

You just try not to think about him as much as possible. But when you ignore him, he just seems to get worse.

“Jesus, you don’t think it’s a bit early to start drinking?”

You mentally groan as you hear his voice, avoiding eye contact as you crack open the bottle.

“I mean, Isn’t this shithole supposed to be for rehabilitation?” You can practically hear the smirk in his voice as he opens the fridge.

“Why don’t you focus on your own rehab first, dick? Been weeks now and you’re still an asshole,” You snap, before taking a swig of your beer. He shrugs, grabbing the orange juice from the fridge and placing it on the counter. He walks past where you’re leaning on the counter to get a glass.

“I mean, damn, you didn’t even try today, huh?”He laughs.

“Why are you pickin’ a fight with me right now?” You raise your voice a little, exasperated and too hungover to deal with this.

“oh, uh, i dunno… i’m bored?” He shrugs again, looking over to you with a self satisfied smile. You groan in frustration, then sigh, forcing yourself to keep it together.

“…and you wonder why your wives left you,” you mumble with a roll your eyes, turning to quickly leave the kitchen. you don’t see his face, but judging from the sound of a crash and footsteps quickly following you into the hallway, you hit a nerve. oh, god, here we go…

“you fucking junkie bitch!” he yells after you as you stomp up the stairs.

“you’re proving my point right now!” you say over your shoulder.

“Like you have room to talk? Let’s bring up your love life, huh?!”

“oh my god shut up!” Angel yells through the door as you pass his room. “Every fuckin’ morning with you two!”

Adam ignores him, continuing to rant as he follows closely behind you, every degrading name he can think of spilling from his lips.

“…fucking whore cunt- whose not even fucking listening to me!” he says as you turn into your room. you turn, attempting to slam the door, but he sticks his foot in the gap and grabs the door, shoving it back open.

“what in the fuck is your problem today?!” you yell.

“it’s you, bitch!”

“oh my god- how do you care about anything this much? Seriously, it’s not that deep!”

you jump a little as he suddenly slaps the beer bottle out of your hands, the glass shattering loudly and the leftover beer soaking your socks. your jaw drops, outraged, and you can’t help the reflex to reach up and smack the side of his head.

“ow!” he yelps, and you raise your fists to hit him again, when-

“you- fucking bitch-!” he shouts. you cry out in surprise as he grabs your wrists and yanks you with surprising ease, shoving you roughly into the wall behind you.

theres a struggle, both grunting with the strain of pushing against each other as Adam wrestles to keep the upper hand. You go to knee him, but he moves quicker, slotting one of his legs between your own and pressing his body against yours to pin you completely against the wall.

then, something changes. he pauses, the close proximity seems to have finally registered in his brain. his eyes widen and you pause too, both panting, faces inches apart. his grip loosens, and a flicker of confusion crosses his features.

“wait, what’s-“

“shut up,” you snap suddenly. before you even realize what you’re doing, your hands are on his chest, and you’re shoving him towards your bed.

“take off your shirt,” you command as the back of his knees hit the mattress and he’s falling backwards. he quickly does as you say, looking up at you with wide eyes as you straddle him and rip your own shirt off as well. he mumbles a nice when he sees you’re not wearing a bra. you reach to tug off the sweatpants you had on, and as soon as you can kick them away Adam’s hands are on your waist and flipping you over. He hurriedly rips off the rest of his clothes before he’s back on you, leaning down to eagerly press kisses down your neck. you have to tilt your head to make room for the horns now permanently attached to his head, and you think of the irony of this situation.

the sound of fabric ripping followed immediately by two of his fingers finding your clit makes you gasp. you bite back a whimper as he begins to rub rough and sloppy circles on your clit. the pleasure doesn’t last long before he’s pulling his hand back, only to shove a finger inside your cunt quickly, and you gasp again. being so unprepared, the stretch burns a bit. fuck, has he always had such big hands? he’s gentle at first, as he works the single finger in and out of you, and once the pain subsides, he quickly adds a second one.

“Oh, fuck,” you can’t help the curse that slips past your lips, and before long you’re rocking your hips against his hand. his movements are rushed and sloppy, impatient as he stretches you out. he chuckles dryly, and you shoot him a glare.

once again, before long, he’s pulling away, and grabbing you by the shoulders to make you sit up with him. you whine involuntarily at the loss of contact, and the cocky bastard laughs again.

“So impatient, babe,” He grins.

“Shut up,” You say again, pushing him so that he’s sitting up against the bed frame. You crawl over to him, and straddle his lap. His hands find your ass, groping it roughly while you grab the base of his cock and align the tip with your entrance.

You both gasp in unison when you swiftly lower yourself to take his full length. A strangled moan escapes from your lips and you let your head fall forward to rest on his shoulder. Eyes squeezed shut, you wait so you can adjust to his size. Seriously, how had you never noticed how big he was before now? Prematurely, Adam angles his hips and suddenly thrusts up into you, making you cry out in pain and pleasure.

“Oh you like that, bitch? Huh?” He says teasingly, running his hands up and down your back before moving his hips again.

“You have seriously got to learn to be quiet,” You retort through gritted teeth, reaching up to pull his hair from the roots. He lets out a groan, followed by a more pathetic whine as you begin to move on his length.

It must be all the pent up emotion, because you’re very quickly unable to speak beyond a few curses and wanton moans. Adam however, can’t seem to stop talking. Mumbling about how good you feel- for a whore, how he didn’t think you’d be so tight, how you’re so fucking sexy he wishes he’d done this sooner.

“Ugh, Adam- shut up!” You groan as you move desperately. He whines as you pull his hair again for emphasis, biting his lip as you feel his hips snap up into yours.

“Oh, god-“ You’re squealing, back arching as you can feel your whole body tense. You’re on top, but as you grow more limp, he’s holding you upright as he roughly fucks into you. “I’m close!” You warn, and it comes out a strangled sob.

You’re so, so close. Euphoria clouds your brain, and collapse onto him as he continues to hold you up to thrust into you.

You fall backwards, and Adam follows, caging you underneath him as he chases his own release now.

“oh- fuck- don’t stop!” You’re practically screaming as your orgasm crashes over you, and you wrap your arms around and claw at Adam desperately, fingernails leaving marks on his fleshy back. You only faintly register the breathless laugh he lets out at your state as he now pounds into you.

He slams into you with an intensity that forces the air out of your lungs, and even Adam can’t form thoughts or speak anymore.

“Oh, fu-uuck, fuck, fuck, oh my god,” He can’t believe the noises that are coming from him, but he also can’t find it in himself to care when you feel this good. You’re so sensitive, and still tight from your previous climax, and he can feel your pulse in the walls of your cunt as you clench around him.

Pleasure quickly turns to overstimulation, and you moan his name again, reaching up to pull at his hair, horns, wings, anything, as tears begin to prick at your eyes. Hearing you moan his name, seeing the look on your face, knowing he’s the one doing this to you is what he needed to send him over the edge.

“o-oh my god-“ he groans, hips stuttering as he presses his body as close to yours as possible, spilling his cum deeply inside of you with an actual moan.

He stays still for a moment, both of your breathing labored, sweat making your hair stick to your foreheads and necks, but you stay holding eachother. While both your brains are still fuzzy, thoughts muddled from the aftershocks, he takes a hand up and wipes your hair away from your face, and the tears from your eyes.

Eventually, he sits up and pulls out of you, rolling over to lay next to you on the bed. Neither of you say anything, too fucked out to think of the repercussions from your actions.

[little-diable]

A word of advice – Professor Aaron Hotchner (Profiling 101 Series, Part 1/?)

Y'all voted for this series, so here we go. I promise there will be lots of smut (you know me), but please show some love to this chapter which has no smut in it just yet. Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this, your comments keep us writers motivated. Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: The reader enrolls in professor Hotchner's class "Profiling 101", a man she has always looked up to, a man who treats her like an asshole from day one. Will her need for academic validation manage to push the two closer together? Will her bright mind push her into the world of Aaron Hotchner and the BAU team? Will he manage to keep his distance before the world he tries to protect her from can get its grasp on her?

Warnings: eventual smut, eventual CM violence, Aaron is an asshole here, authority kink, university professor x student relationship, each chapter will have its own warnings, for this one no warnings needed tho

Pairing: Professor!Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader (1.6k words)

Profiling 101 Series Masterlist

Chapter Two

With her eyes set on her phone, (y/n) entered the coffee shop. The scent of freshly brewed coffee and baked goods filled her nostrils, a comforting sensation that left her relaxing for a few seconds, though without ever taking her eyes off her phone screen. Her eyes kept following the sentences she had read numerous times in the past week, trying to memorise every single word, forcing the readings into her aching head. 

It was the first week of the new semester, and while she had enrolled in a few classes with professors that were all too familiar with her, she had almost cried in excitement as she had stumbled upon the course “Profiling 101” – with none other than Aaron Hotchner as a professor. Without even thinking twice (y/n) had instantly enrolled in the class, filled with a giddiness she hadn’t felt in months, all too excited about meeting the agent she had been admiring for years. 

(Y/n) could still remember the first talk he had given at her university, accompanied by Spencer Reid and David Rossi, men (y/n) had always looked up to, admiring their knowledge, their work. It still felt too good to be true that she finally got the chance to enrol in Aaron Hotchner’s class, needing to put on her best act, silently hoping that she’d manage to catch his attention. 

She was too deep in thought to spare her surroundings any mind, still focused on her reading, not noticing the tall man standing behind her, impatiently waiting for (y/n) to keep on moving, to finally tell the barista her order. 

“Excuse me?” His raspy, harsh voice shook her from her thoughts, blinking a few times before her eyes found his coffee coloured ones. A silent gasp left (y/n) as she realised that none other than Aaron Hotchner himself was standing behind her, staring her down as if she was a criminal he was about to interrogate. “You’re wasting our time here, could you please move along? And please, try to start your readings for my class earlier and not only an hour before class starts.”

Her mouth was dry, throat tight, unable to speak up, unable to explain to the man she had always looked up to that she was only trying to reread the texts, that it wasn’t the first time she was looking at it. But (y/n) only turned away from him, turning towards the woman behind the counter who shot her a comforting smile, all too aware of the harsh words the tall, brooding man had just spoken. 

(Y/n) didn’t pay any attention to the words leaving her, speaking the same order she always got. Her heart was clenching in her chest, pounding with pain and embarrassment, forcing her blood to rush through her veins even faster than before, ears ringing in annoyance. With her eyes staring stoically ahead, she watched the woman prepare her order, pushing it closer to (y/n) as soon as she was done. 

By the time (y/n) had reached for her order anger had managed to arise in her system, flushing through her body with quick steps, forcing her lips to part before her mind could even catch up with what she was about to say, “A word of advice, professor Hotchner. If you want your students to respect you, you shouldn’t treat them like you’re the biggest asshole they’ll meet on campus.”

Before Aaron could even try to pierce a reply together, staring at her with surprise tugging on his features, (y/n) had turned from him, stepping out of the coffee shop with a deep exhale of the breath she had been holding. The second the cold October air stroked along her frame, teasing her warm cheeks, (y/n) allowed her disappointment to thump through her veins, wondering if he was always this rude to other people or if she had just been the unlucky one to be met with his bad mood today. 

……

If there was one thing (y/n) was known for, it was sitting in the first few rows, scribbling down every word her professors spoke. She was determined, set on her good grades, on the career path she had wanted to follow ever since high school. Not once had she broken her routine, not once had she found herself sitting in the last few rows, but today everything had changed, today (y/n) found herself hiding away from the professor who spoke without any emotions dripping from his words, one with the students that preferred to find shelter in the back of the big room. 

Even though she knew that he couldn’t see her in the darkness filling the room, all light focused on him, it felt as if he was searching for her in the endless rows filled with students, eyes actively searching for the woman that had spoken with anger dripping from her words, fuelling the fire simmering inside of him. Her heart hadn’t stopped pounding, guided by the embarrassment her own action had shot through her system, knowing that she’d think back to this moment for weeks on end – perhaps even months. 

“I need you all to pay attention every week, it’s crucial for your homework, for the things you’ll work on this semester. I’d advise you to show up to every class, you won’t be able to catch up otherwise, especially not since you’ll get the chance to work on active cases.” A few gasps of surprises echoed through the room, and even (y/n) couldn’t stop herself from giving into the excitement once again filling her system. Perhaps she’d still get a chance to make things right with the man she had called an asshole only an hour ago. 

“You’ll turn in your homework every Friday, you have time to upload it till 11:59 pm, you won’t get to hand it in later, once you miss the deadline that’s it. If you miss the deadline more than once, you’ll be kicked out of this class immediately. I need you all to understand that this class requires hard work, and as you hopefully also read in the description before enrolling, I expect you to have some basic knowledge about profiling, if not I’d advise you to quickly catch up, you’ll find a list of recommended readings uploaded to your online folders for this class.” 

(Y/n) couldn’t help but focus on his appearance, on the rolled up sleeves of his black dress shirt that exposed his muscular forearms, on the black trousers that seemed to add to his height, making him appear even taller. He was handsome, a man one could only dream of, and yet (y/n) was no longer sure how to feel about him after their run in this morning, momentarily ripped out of the crush she had fostered on him for years. 

“And one last thing before I’ll let you go, if you have any questions, you can always email me and I’ll try to squeeze you in for my consultation hours, but please don’t waste my time with questions you can find answers to online. I will see you all next week, please remember to do your homework.” 

……

The second (y/n) had entered her apartment, she had opened her laptop, finding her way to the folder for this week's homework. Perhaps she still had some chances to impress the man, turning in the homework as early as possible, instantly getting to work. But while she got to answering the questions that seemed all too easy to her, her mind started to wander, thinking back to her run in with professor Hotchner. 

Even at the first talk he had held all these years ago, he had appeared distant, closed off, though not as cold as today, not as angry and annoyed. He had grown older, and yet (y/n) could only think that he was even more handsome, she’d probably never get over her crush on him, on the man she’d dream of when the nights grew darker and the days blurred by all too quickly. 

She could only guess that something must have happened this morning, something that had pushed him further into the misery he was guided by, foregoing any kindness he’d normally use to approach strangers. And yet (y/n) couldn’t help but wonder if she should email him, to apologise, hoping that she could restore the bad image he now probably had of her. 

Driven by her need to make things right, (y/n) reached for her phone, typing away a kind though distant apology, overthinking every word that could paint her like a desperate student, hungry for the man’s attention. Before her mind could produce any worst case scenarios that would leave her even more embarrassed, she clicked on “Send”, hoping to smooth the waters she was sailing through, hoping that she wouldn’t sink only hours after leaving her safe haven. 

It didn’t take long for his reply to find its way back to her, shaky hands reaching for her buzzing phone, eyes growing wider as she read through the reply that shot heat through her once again. 

“A word of advice, miss (y/n),

 Don’t go around calling your professors assholes. It’d be a shame to kick somebody who has a reputation of being the smartest student in her faculty out of my class. 

Best, A.H.” 

[spadesolace]

leading lady - bonus 01. chemistry

previous | next

it was early in the morning for the call time for the ensemble, let alone it was too early for y/n. most of the time her fridays would be spent sleeping in after a week of classes but here she is, carrying 7 drinks for everyone to get them in the mood.

“if it isn’t our lead making a grand entrance!” dino had noticed y/n’s tired state, wearing a plain shirt and jeans paired with an oversized sweater hanging by her shoulder.

“let her do her own thing first. she’s not an early bird.” heejin was merely behind y/n who had the biggest smile as she walks down towards the front with the rest holding her own drink.

“i got everyone’s usual.” y/n placed the drinks on the other table, far from the papers that are needed for the casting call.

“unnie, how much do we gotta pay you?” hanni was ready to pay for her order but everyone just looked at her as if she was crazy.

“no need, han. think of it as a treat from me to get us in the mood.”

“you sure…?” a weak raise of a thumbs up was all the confirmation hanni got as everyone settled down holding their drinks. yunjin was going through the list of people auditioning and from their retweets, it gained quite the attention.

one thing everyone is aware of, im y/n has such immense power to the point no one is brave enough to say no to her. from a simple retweet of a post, the possibility of sharing a stage with y/n is enough to make people try and take a chance. some were merely side characters, the ones that only wish to see y/n in action - to see violet shine on stage. it was no surprise there were quite a lot of people auditioning for the leading lady, the second lead, and minor characters. a few familiar names did pop up, one of which are close to the ensemble.

yunjin isn’t one to waste time, the girl works hard and y/n could clearly see it. she doesn’t merely pick someone to play as the lead, especially if she knows she could trust that person to bring the same energy from the audition to the big stage. some would expect that the film major would be head of production for the play at the annual event - yunjin seems to fit the role more.

after the quick reminders, people slowly started entering the auditorium. the once quiet place now filled with noise, especially early in the morning; y/n questions how people have that energy when she could barely keep her eyes open. a short nap wouldn’t hurt, right?

before y/n could doze off for a short while, a power nap as one would say. a soft nudge then to a smack on the head was all it took for the girl to look up. she could only smile at the person who reminded her why mornings were bearable before.

“good luck later, boo. just don’t say the script in more than one language.” ryujin, her best friend, has always been supportive in the most unpredictable way possible. from being given a packed lunch with snacks to receiving an entire pack of her favorite candy with cut out pictures of memes of their friend group with notes to motivate. y/n in response flipped her off, only to make ryujin laugh at her.

“so, what unhinged motivational boost are you gonna give me this time, bae?” lia doesn’t pay much attention to the call signs the pair has for each other. it has been that way before they started dating. she’d rather have them have sweet nicknames rather than cursing at each other like in their private twitter.

“i don’t think i could beat the jyp poster from last year. so this time, it’s just a coupon to message me later to buy you lunch or something.”

“thanks, ryu. are gonna study while we do this?” ryujin could only laugh, if there was one thing people feared was that being judged by the pair. being blunt and not afraid to hide their expressions, who wouldn’t be scared and intimidated by them?

“it would be better that way, got an exam next week… i’ll see you later, bae.” ryujin gave a head pat to y/n who was much more cheery compared to earlier. lia could only kiss her girlfriend on the cheek as she finished preparing the set up for the ensemble.

“good luck with that and later, boo.” that was the best mood booster for y/n.

———————————————————

the ensemble had been too kind during the auditions, some were there to truly perform and get a spot somehow.

lily and lia were quite disappointed as no one could bring some of the characters they wrote truly come to life. no one could embody the characters written, not like how yunjin wanted to.

“danielle marsh is up next, auditioning for ariel, claire’s best friend.” soobin looked at the list that was now halfway through.

“dani?” y/n ears perked up, she’s one of the few juniors she has that has the same drive and passion as her. most film majors would choose to be in y/n’s positions rather than be on stage - but that’s just a preference.

“she’s good, i’m surprised she didn’t go for the lead role.” hanni picked up her pen, almost ready to give the girl a complete yes to the role. maybe that’s why they gave danielle one of the few scenes she has with y/n, the first audition with her participation.

“y/n, could you?” yunjin nudged the girl next to her, looking at the stage to see danielle smiling at them and holding the script. she stood up, which had people cheering, the girl who has everyone’s eyes on her finally on stage. where people believed she belonged.

“morning, dani. for formalities, kindly state your name and what role you’ll be auditioning for.” slight bow for formalities, a dazzling smile but not too much where it would be considered creepy, and a proper posture that shows power and authority. it was no longer y/n on stage but rather it was violet.

danielle was smooth in greeting everyone, and y/n could see her as the possible lead. she has the talent to do so, the knowledge and understanding on how to bring the character to life. taking a mental note by how she presents herself, she understands the sentiment hanni has.

“you may begin when ready.” yunjin’s smile has never been this bright since they started. with expectant eyes, y/n mentally prepared herself while danielle fixed her hair and her hold on the script.

“wait, you’re mal? the youtuber, right?” the delivery of the line was smooth, the emotion was there and y/n felt like it was the real deal.

“i don’t refer to myself as a youtuber but- yes.” violet has read these lines over and over, it seemed natural. the script is merely there just as a prop. people were invested, this is the person they were waiting for.

“what are you doing here?”

“i’m actually looking for claire… my manager is currently talking to the principal and-“

“WAIT! CLAIRE? LIKE CLAIRE ONG?! MY BEST FRIEND CLAIRE? THAT GIRL STANDING OVER THERE WITH A HOODIE ON AND AVOIDING EYE CONTACT?” yunjin was already satisfied by the short scene, even if it were just two to three lines, danielle already got her heart. the ariel she was looking for was brought to life by her.

“wow… thank you, danielle. we’ll keep you posted on the results.” as if it were a light switch, danielle was done with her role and is happy to showcase her talent. the younger girl smiled at her senior who could only return the smile and thumbs up. y/n isn’t quite the hugger but if it were danielle asking, she wouldn’t bat an eye for the sunshine.

“you did great, i’m rooting for you.” danielle has much more experience on stage rather than y/n.

“you’re quite the natural, unnie. and thank you.” but to danielle, y/n’s acting was nothing compared to hers. a wave goodbye and the ensemble were back to discussing their thoughts regarding danielle’s performance. all of them agreed to put her as ariel, if someone were close to the same performance she had given, maybe an understudy.

“this is the last for the morning session, then lunch.” lia was keeping track of everything and so far, they could squeeze in one more audition before they eat lunch. everyone was hungry at this point, having not much food or snacks within their grasp as everyone was busy with getting everything ready. y/n was about to sit down until, yunjin had asked her to go back on stage.

“kim minji, auditioning for the role of claire. one of the few that chose the leading lady.” who knew a name could make someone's heart beat faster than it should. or how clammy one’s hand can get. lia had gotten her phone ready to record the performance just for ryujin to watch and tease y/n.

y/n had gotten on stage, it had been quite a long time since she’s last seen the girl up close. everything feeling like she’s back in high school admiring the girl who she kept a spotlight on during her monologue for their play. the same girl that she considered a happy crush for years is now standing in front of her with a shy smile.

to minji, this is a dream come true, seeing violet in person again and not just passing by her like in high school. this is the girl that her brother mentioned seeing working so hard as a model. the girl who edits im nayeon’s vlogs and takes part in making them. the very same girl who she has brushed off thinking it was nothing but deep inside knows - she has a slight crush on im y/n.

there were some old sparks reignited. the feeling of being nervous and jittery around someone, to which both have denied and kept secret for how long.

to yunjin, this was perfection. given that the scene the pair was doing - realizing one’s own feelings. to yunjin, they look like a match made in heaven, they contrast in a way. even after minji’s short introduction for formalities, y/n couldn’t take her eyes off her. the vision is there, everything felt natural.

“ready when you two are.” it was like a snap.

“what’s taking you so long- wow.” y/n turned around to look at minji as if its her first time seeing her.

“uhm… does the dress look fine? it might be too much but it feels right but then again you’re the one paying and i-” minji’s character rambles on as y/n could only be mesmerized by the girl.

“wow… it’s-” the slow steps, as if y/n could imagine minji wearing the dress that yunjin had envisioned time and time again. the prop that she is most excited to see in person.

“too much? yeah maybe i should have gone with the other one.” minji acts as if she’s really wearing a dress, twirling around as if there’s a mirror beside her.

“it’s actually perfect.” y/n places her hand around minji’s waist to stop the girl, a faint smile and a blush on her cheek. maybe that was what yunjin wanted, the real y/n, not violet. not the girl in front of the camera, but the girl she met in her first year.

“you sure?”

“definitely, love… ly. I MEANT IT’S LOVELY, YES!”

the peace and quiet was shortly interrupted by screams and howling of the people watching the scene in front of them unfold. that’s the reaction, those are the leads.

the ensemble could only clap at the performance, yunjin having a large smile on her face as she immediately wrote minji as the leading lady.

they have chemistry unlike what yunjin has seen before.

taglist: [OPEN]

@awkwardtoafault @justme-idle @1luvkarina @bearyanon @khaepriv @lesleepyyy @yoontoonwhs @sserajeans @pandafuriosa60 @mightymyo @haerinkisser @ehcyps @urwy13 @idkwhatim-doinghere101 @thefckghost @haerinsloverr

[kueble]

I Just Need You By My Side, Cause I'm Warmer in the Winter With You

Another very self-indulgent Christmas fic.

Teen. Warnings: Mentions of torture. 5,600 words.

Ghost/Soap

---

“Shouldn’t you be packing up?” Ghost asks him from where he leans against his doorway. Soap shrugs and sets down the pencil in his hand. He’s been sketching for about an hour now, trying to wind down at the end of a hectic day. Everyone on base is giddy at the thought of going home for the holidays, and the energy is almost overwhelming..

“Sorry, but you’ll have to get used to my ugly mug around here. I know you’re one of the only ones here most Christmases, but I don’t have anywhere else to be this year,” he explains, hoping years of interrogation techniques pay off and Ghost doesn’t call him on the lie. Though it’s partially true, since there’s nowhere he’d rather be then in the barracks with him.

“Don’t you usually have a big family celebration? Remember you rambling about nieces and nephews and being forced into midnight mass by your mother,” Ghost asks, eyes narrowing behind the black balaclava he’s chosen to wear today.

“Glad to know you actually listen to me when I shoot my mouth off,” he laughs out.

“Never miss a word, Johnny,” Ghost tells him evenly.

“So any other year, yeah I'd be home, but things are out of sorts this year with my sisters traveling to their husband’s families, and me Ma and Pa planned a little trip of their own,” he says. Sure, the little trip was right down the road to his brother’s house where everyone would be gathered like every other year, but no need for Ghost to know that.

Last year it was excruciating to leave Ghost on the tarmac, saying goodbyes as everyone else went home to their families. He doesn’t know much, but it’s clear Ghost no longer has anyone waiting for him back at home. They’d all joked about him haunting the base, probably maskless with the skeleton crew left behind and any other puns they could come up with. Still, there was a bleakness in Ghost’s eyes that he never wanted to see again.

Thankfully he’s never been able to hide his feelings from his parents, especially his mother, and she didn’t even bat an eye when he told her his plans. She’d said something cheesy about the magic of the season bringing them closer together, which he’d quickly scoffed off. He wasn’t doing this with any ulterior motives in place. It was a simple fact that his best friend shouldn’t be alone over the long holiday break they were lucky enough to get two years in a row.

If he happens to be completely ass over tits in love with him, he’s smart enough to keep it to himself.

“Guess it could be nice to have some company, even yours,” Ghost teases with a snort. Soap rolls his eyes, but he’s smirking still.

“Do you cook anything for it or rely on the mess hall for Christmas dinner?” he asks, already planning how to make things nicer for him. They may be stuck on a mostly empty base, but there’s no reason why he can’t make it as comfortable as possible.

“Sometimes I make a pot of soup for the week, but nothing special for the day itself. Tend to keep to myself,” he says softly. And that just won’t do.

“Happy to help sample anything you cook, but since I burn water, I’ll order us something nice from town. It shouldn’t be too late for a small catering order. You like lasagna?” he asks, already thinking of the perfect little Italian place near here.

“Wouldn’t say no to it, but there’s no need to get fancy over me,” Ghost mumbles. It only makes Soap more determined to bring a little Christmas magic into his life this year.

“I’ll take care of dinner and you just bring the good company,” he says to settle it. He’ll place an order first thing in the morning, already planning to buy way more food than they need. Ghost deserves to be spoiled, and leftovers are a rare commodity around here.

“Not sure I’ll contribute much in that regard, but yeah, I can show up,” he agrees.

“No one else I’d rather spend the day with. Honestly,” Soap admits, but Ghost just huffs at him.

“Piss off, Johnny,” he says with a laugh. Before he can figure out a response, the man is already gone. It may just be the hardest thing he’s ever done, but he’s damned sure going to make sure Ghost knows how much Soap likes being around him, especially now. Likes, not loves, because he has a feeling that’s something he’ll take to his grave. Being around him will just have to do for now.

—

The poster fell off the wall for the three thousandth time, and Soap barely managed to keep himself in check. Price would have his head if he blew up the base, but it’s getting more and more likely. It’s a stupid thing, really, just a fake Christmas tree by a fireplace, but he bought it to cheer up their rec room. He grumbles under his breath, reciting every swear he knows and probably inventing some new ones along the way.

“Problems, Sergeant?” Ghost asks from his spot on the couch. There’s a hint of laughter on the edges of his voice, and Soap spins around to glare at him.

“There is in fact,” he spits out before taking a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down. No use in pissing off the man he’s trying to decorate for. “These walls are apparently covered in fifty some years of filth, and I can’t get the damn tape to stick. Seriously, it’s like teflon and I’m actually afraid to think about what could be coating this wall right now.”

“This that important to you?” Ghost asks, head tilted like he’s studying him.

“Aye,” Soap sighs out. “Just wanted to brighten up the room a bit. We can’t have a real tree, and I’ve been banned from open flames on base, but I thought this stupid fucking poster might work. Wanna sneak off base and burn it with me? Might raise my spirits.”

“How about I fix it instead,” Ghost says, standing up to stomp over to the wall.

“You’re more than welcome to try, but not even sure duct tape will hold the damn thing at this point,” he says, scowling at the wall. Seriously, he was going to beg Price to get the room deep cleaned as soon as he was back on base. Can’t be safe.

Ghost shrugs before bumping him out of the way with his hip. He holds the poster with one hand and reaches into the back of his jeans with the other. The knife he pulls out is on the small side, but it does the job when he stabs it through the poster and into the wall. Nodding proudly, he slides another knife out of his sleeve and buries it in the other top corner. The final blade is tucked in his boot, and he takes a few steps back before flinging it at the wall.

It lands perfectly in the bottom center of the poster, and Soap chubs up in his sweats at the display of skill.

“Guess that works, too,” he murmurs, actively avoiding Ghost’s gaze. No need to show off how fucking gone on him he is, and he knows there’s hearts in his eyes right now. He’s bound to be suspicious just based on how desperate Soap is to make things perfect, to give him a better Christmas than year past, and he should try better to keep his feelings hidden. Not looking to get his heart broken over the holidays.

“Anything for you, Johnny,” Ghost tells him as he strides back to the couch and picks up his book again. Soap can feel his cheeks heating up and blurts out some half-assed excuse before making a tactful retreat.

—

He debates waiting until morning, but Soap is too curious about the package in his hands to wait that long. His box of gifts from his family arrived today, but he didn’t bother unpacking it until after dinner. Everything was neatly labeled - or scribbled by his nieces and nephews - with his name except for one.

To Ghost, From Ma MacTavish. Open Immediately.

Not one to disobey his mother, Soap raps on Ghost’s door and hopes this isn’t something too embarrassing. Lord knows his entire family is annoying enough already over his little crush, and he doesn’t need his mother stepping in to help him. There’s a rustling from behind the door before it’s swung open by a brooding Ghost. Anyone else might not see how moody he is, but Soap can tell just by studying his eyes.

“What do ya need?” he asks, voice cracking from disuse.

“Got a special delivery for you and instructions for you to open it right away,” Soap informs him, holding up the package like the peace offering that it is. Ghost eyes it suspiciously but steps aside and lets him into the room. While he’d love a chance to look around, Soap keeps his focus on Ghost out of respect for his privacy. He knows just letting him into the room was a big step for the other man.

“Your mum sent this?” Ghost asks as he takes the parcel from him. Soap nods and smiles warmly as Ghost’s eyes widen. “Better not keep her waiting then,” Ghost mutters before sitting on the edge of his bed. The package looks huge, even in his large hands, and Soap really wonders what it could be.

He tears the paper at the seams, carefully working a finger down the edge of it. It’s gentle in a way that hints of Christmases past and perhaps being yelled at to keep the wrapping for next year. Soap’s grandma used to do that and iron out each crease to save money.

When Ghost finally removes the paper, soap breathes a sigh of relief at seeing the present isn’t anything to worry about. Trust his mother to try and take care of someone she’s never met. Ghost holds up the blanket, blinking slowly at it. Soap supposes he isn’t used to getting many gifts, especially not something handmade. The blanket itself is a mix of blank and white granny squares, no doubt crocheted with love by his mother. Everyone in their house has at least one of these piled at the foot of their bed, and his heart warms at the thought of Ghost having one on his.

“She made it?” he asks in a whisper, and Soap wants to cry about it. There’s no reason a gift should put him in such a state of awe, and he vows right then and there to spoil him as much as he’s allowed to under the guise of friendship.

“You’re looking at a Ma MacTavish special right there. Everyone in the family has one, and it looks like she thinks highly of you,” he confirms.

“Never even met me.”

“Well, I suppose I’ve entertained her with a tale of two of the man who saved my life so many times. Besides, how else do you think she’d know the perfect color scheme for an emo bastard like yourself,” He says in an attempt to lighten the mood. The corners of Ghost’s eyes crinkle up, and he knows there’s a smile beneath the mask.

“You’ll have to thank her for me. No, wait! I’ll get a thank you note together for the next time you send mail home. That alright?” he asks almost timidly, which isn’t an emotion Soap’s sure he’s ever shown before.

“She’ll love that. Sorry to barge in on you so late at night, but I’m glad I did. Should probably be heading to bed, though,” Johnny says with a pout. Dreams of being asked to stay, to tuck himself against Ghost under that very blanket flash through his mind and he has to get out of here quickly before he shows his hand.

“Me too. Night, Johnny,” Ghost says, and he understands it for the dismissal that it is. The last thing he sees as he ducks out the door is Ghost spreading the blanket across the top of his bed and smoothing it out. He’ll have to send his mother a thank you note as well.

—

There is absolutely no reason for them to be in Soap’s room instead of the rec room, but he wasn’t about to say no when Ghost suggested it. Currently they are sitting on his bed - which is way too small for two grown ass men - with their backs against the wall and his laptop propped on top of their thighs. Ghost is a constant warm presence at his side, and he’s pretty sure he would be completely lost if he hadn’t seen this movie so many times.

They each have a glass of their preferred poison in hand, and Ghost has his mask tucked up over his nose while he purses his lips at the screen in front of them. He is so fucking stunning with the light from the laptop highlighting the planes of his face, and Soap would be weak in the knees were he standing. Not that Soap is abusing his trust just to watch him more than the movie. Absolutely not. Still, the sight of Simon’s sharp jawline is a rare one and he can’t seem to stop staring. He longs to scrap his teeth over the scar that curves around it and has to hold himself back from scooting even closer to him.

“I don’t get it,” Ghost says, breaking him out of his dangerous thoughts.

“How so?” he asks, eyes already turned back to the screen to see what part of the movie they’ve reached. Nearly done at this point, but the silly plot has been a fun distraction. They don’t often get downtime, time totally free of responsibilities, and he hopes he can go without this once everything is back to normal.

“This just seems so improbable. His family forgot to bring him to the airport and they don’t have a single family friend they can call in the meantime? The police are actively searching for these two assholes and yet a child is the only one who manages to take them down? Gotta admit some of these traps are pretty awesome, though,” Ghost rambles out.

“One, I can’t believe you’ve made it this far in life without watching this. Two, this film is a masterpiece because it makes you suspend reality. Three, I’m pretty sure this is why I ended up in demolitions anyway. Do you know how many things I blew up after seeing this? I thought my Pa was going to murder me just as an example for my brothers and sisters. One time I rigged a frying pan to hit my brother in the face and it broke his fucking nose,” Soap says, unable to hold in his laughter. “Pretty sure he was about to pack me off and make me Nan deal with me, but my Ma couldn’t let her baby go.”

“You’re a real piece of work, Johnny,” Ghost tells him softly. He brings his glass up to his mouth, and Soap watches him swallow slowly, desperately trying to remind himself how they’re friends and nothing more. “Glad it brought you to me, though.”

“Yeah,” he breathes out, heart pounding in his chest.

But then they fall into an easy silence, and he’s forced to turn back to the movie. They both finish their drinks as the plot winds down, and he’s about to offer another when Ghost grabs his wrist to stop him from standing up. He looks down, worried that he’s overstepped somehow, and the tightness in Ghost’s clenched jaw startles him.

“We’ve had a good week, yeah?” Ghost asks quietly.

“Loved every second of it,” Soap blurts out before he can stop himself.

“Might not love this so much,” Ghost says with a sigh. “I’ve…I’ve never been this close with anyone, barely even shared this with Price, but I’d like to give you some sort of explanation for why I keep to myself at Christmas. If you’ll listen, that is.”

“Ghost, I will always be here, no matter what you want to tell me. Thank you for trusting me so much, but are you sure you want to do this while we’re drinking?” he has to ask, needs to be sure his friend won’t regret this come morning.

“You think I just keep bourbon and scotch on hand? That’s kinda the reason why I brought it with me. I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while now, but I needed a little courage to do it. Just, just don’t say anything until I’m done, ok? If you do I might not be able to finish,” he warns him, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Sensing how important this is, Soap sets both their glasses on his bedside table and closes the laptop. His desk lamp is on, so they’re not totally in the dark. He knows rumors of Ghost’s past, has heard a bunch of shit about his time in captivity, but every scrap of information is dear to him. He longs to know the man beside him better than he knows himself. He leans back against the wall and angles his body towards Ghost before saying, “Course. I got you.”

“When I was little, the only person I cared about was my mum. She kept me safe, kept my dad and brother away from me the best she could. I know now that my brother was only doing what he could to avoid my dad’s rage, but it still hurt back then. I won’t lie, I had a real shitty childhood and ran into the service as soon as I could. After that, things started improving. I came back home, kicked my sorry excuse for a father out of the house, and got my brother off of drugs. Hell, I stood beside him as he married the love of his life, and I wouldn’t give that up for anything, but the memories threaten to crush me sometimes.”

He trails off and palms the back of his head, chewing at his lower lip. Soap stays silent, unwilling to break his promise even though Ghost looked on the verge of falling apart. They sit there for a long moment while he regroups and continues his story. Soap longs to reach out, to offer some sort of physical comfort, but he knows better than to act on it. Simon doesn’t enjoy being touched on a good day, and he’d absolutely hate it while letting himself be this vulnerable.

“Things were going well until I got betrayed and snagged by Roba. Fuck, Johnny,” he breaks off, swallowing thickly before pressing his fingers to his mouth. “It was bad. I won’t go into details, but you can only be tortured for so long before you start to doubt yourself, start to go mad instead of trying to fight it. I have no fucking clue how I managed to survive after being left for dead, but I eventually made it back home.”

Ghost shifts his legs, twitching as he picks at the fabric of his sweats. He takes a few deep breaths and stares ahead at the wall, shoulders tense as he continues. “They died on Christmas, and it was all my fault. Roba still had his hooks in me, and couldn't let me go since I escaped with my life. One more betrayal led me back to my mum’s house that only hours before had been full of celebration and Christmas cheer. When I got there, the whole house was up in flames. The fire was so hot, but I had to save them. Only it was too late, because they were lying dead near the doorway. They even put a bullet through the forehead of my nephew. He was so small, so fragile, and I couldn’t even save him.”

He falls quiet, and it seems like he’s finished. Soap knew it was bad, but wasn’t expecting something so tragic. He wasn’t sure what to say, so he just lays a hand on Ghost’s shoulder and squeeze it gently, deciding to risk the touch at this point. It seems to shatter something inside of him and he slumps over to lean on Soap’s shoulder.

“The men involved?” he asks quietly.

“Killed them all. Didn’t bring back my family, though. So yeah, Christmas fucking sucks, but at least I’m not alone this year. Didn’t know it would be easier with you here, but you always manage to help me stay calm. Should have expected it,” he says. His voice is tinged with exhaustion, and Soap knows he’s worn himself out.

“Thank you for trusting me with this. I, it’s, well it’s fucked up that you had to experience that. I know nothing I say can help make it much better, and I’m honestly not sure how you managed to get through it, but I’m grateful you did. I can’t imagine being here without you,” Soap says after a long moment. He knew Ghost has a shitty past, had heard about him digging himself out of his own grave, but this is a whole new level of horrible. If it happened to him, he can’t say he would still be here to talk about it.

“Price helped a lot. Pushed me through it and then kept me around,” Ghost says, turning to stare at the wall. Soap isn’t sure what he can offer at this point, but he has the feeling Ghost might not want to be alone after unloading all of this.

“Stay with me?” he asks, watching as Ghost’s shoulders rise up. He still isn’t looking at him, so he keeps talking. “I mean, you don’t have to, but I can’t imagine wanting to be by myself after such an intense conversation. Would feel bad if I let you go back to your room, really.”

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t actually sleep with the mask on,” Ghost says with a chuckle. And ok, he can work with that.

“So let me freshen up and get myself ready for bed. You can go after me, and I’ll just sleep on my side. I can keep my eyes shut, give you your privacy,” he suggests. Ghost finally turns to look at him, and there’s a telltale hint of red around his eyes. If Soap was still religious, he’d offer up a prayer that the other man agrees. He clearly needs comforting tonight.

“Yeah, ok,” Ghost mumbles. “Gonna change into my sleep stuff, though. I’ll get ready in my room and be back in a few.”

He practically leaps out of the bed, and Soap hopes he holds true to his word. He goes through his nightly routine on autopilot, not even aware of it until he’s crawling into his bed. He leaves the side of the covers up and turns onto his side to face the wall. It’s only just catching up to him that he invited Ghost into his bed, but tonight isn’t about him. He’d be offering the same closeness to Gaz if he shared something as horrific as Ghost just did.

If anything, this only proves how amazingly strong Ghost is. He had to reinvent himself twice, the second time with no one to support him. They’ve all seen and done some really horrendous things in the name of queen and country, but he can’t fathom coming home to find the burning bodies of his family at his feet.

He’s yanked out of his spiraling thoughts by the sound of the door opening and shutting. The clunk of Ghost setting down his boots seems impossibly loud in the silence, and he holds his breath waiting for Ghost to come to bed. He hears the muffled sound of Ghost removing his mask and setting it on the bedside table and fights the urge to turn around and look at his gorgeous face. He’s here as a friend tonight, and his feelings don’t matter right now.

The bed dips behind him, and the covers shift as Ghost settles in behind him. There’s an awkward few seconds where they both shuffle around trying to figure out how two large men can fit in such a small bed, but then Ghost sighs and rolls onto his side to frame Soap from behind. He slings an arm across Soap’s hips and presses his nose against the nape of Soap’s neck. The last thing he hears as he drifts off is a soft, “Thank you, Johnny.”

—

Unsurprisingly, Ghost is gone when he wakes up. The bed is still warm, though, so he knows he spent the whole night. He wishes he could have woken him up with a Merry Christmas, but understands his need for time to himself. Chris, last night had been a lot. Hopefully he can still provide a little holiday cheer tonight, but even if they eat in silence he’ll have a great time. Every second spent at Ghost’s side is a better gift than anything he could ever fine underneath the tree.

He spends the morning in the gym, working out his frustrations. Life wasn’t fair, but it has been exceedingly rotten towards Ghost. He knows there isn’t anything he can do to change his past, but he’ll damn sure be here for his future. It feels like they crossed a line last night, but he’s not sure which one. Nothing romantic happened, but he feels closer to Ghost than anyone before. He’s willing to bet Ghost hasn’t opened up this much to many people, probably just Price, and he’s ashamed at how giddy that makes him feel.

They might not ever be together, but they’ll always be solid.

After lunch and a long, self-indulgent shower it’s easy to keep himself busy by running through last minute preparations. They hadn’t said anything about exchanging gifts, but Soap kept finding the perfect things for him.He knows Ghost will love the aged bourbon, even though it hurt his Scottish heart to buy it. There’s also a new knife that came highly recommended by their armorer and a deck of cards with holographic skulls on them. Wrapping was never his strong suit, but he managed to slap some paper onto his gifts. Sure, it looked like they were wrapped by a small child, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

He just finishes heating up the catering he picked up the day before and is about to text Ghost to hurry up and join him when his phone goes off. It’s an incoming FaceTime from his mother, and he decides there’s plenty of time to take it before Ghost swings by. He’s been missing his family all day, but they promised to call at some point.

“Ma! Happy Christmas!” he shouts, laughing as his entire family tries to crowd into the camera view.

“You’ll each get a turn, back off,” his mother says, already throwing elbows at his siblings and their kids. His dad stands next to her, silent as always but with a huge smile on his face. He lifts his glass in cheers, and Johnny waves back in response.

“We’re about to eat dinner, but It’s good to see you all. Make sure everyone gets hugs from me, even though I’m not with you this year. And pass out my presents! Make sure the kids know how much Uncle John spoils them. I want photographic evidence!” he says, laughing as one of his nieces tries to jump into the view again. His dad picks her up and wanders off, no doubt about to bribe her into behaving with cookies.

“I hope staying away is worth it,” his mother says, but she doesn’t look mad, just nosy. She’s been on him for months to bring his boy home, no matter how much he tells her they aren’t dating. Ghost is one hundred percent his boy, though, even if he hasn’t realized it yet.

“It’s worth every second away from you all,” he answers honestly, “I’ll be home as soon as we get more downtime, but you know why I have to be here. Thanks for understanding.”

“Anything for my baby,” his mom says, snorting when he scowls at her.

“You ever going to stop calling me that?” he asks, knowing full well she never will. He isn’t mad, not really, just likes to give her grief about it.

“If you didn’t want to be my baby, you’d have been born higher up the chain,” she tells him with a smirk.

“We can argue about it later. Let me get dinner on the table and then we’ll chat again later, yeah? We can pass around the phone so all the kids can show me everything they got,” he suggests, and his mom nods in response.

“Go feed your boy,” she tells him and ends the call before he can quip back at her.

“Not my boy,” he mumbles to the empty room.

But then someone clears their throat from behind him, and his heart sinks into his chest. Fuck. He spins around with a fake smile on his face to find Ghost standing there with his arms crossed.

“I’m assuming you heard all of that?” he asks with a grimace.

“You lied about your family not being together,” Ghost says, though he knows it’s a question.

“Aye, I did. And I don’t feel bad about it. I couldn’t leave you here alone again. Like it or not, I’m here for you,” he says with a sharp nod. He’s already gearing for a fight, ready to be stubborn as hell about it, but what Ghost says next throws him off his game.

“Because I’m your boy,” he asks, and Johnny can hear the fucking smirk in his voice. He has a plain balaclava on today, which is as dressed down as Ghost seems to get.

“Don’t suppose you’d be willing to let that one go? We can forget about it,” he offers quietly. Because who is he to keep dreaming, right? He’s been dropping hints for at least a year now, and Ghost hasn’t taken the bait. He teeter-totters between thinking the man returns his feelings to thinking he barely tolerates him. Regardless, he meant what he said and he’ll be standing by his side as long as Ghost lets him.

“And if I don’t want to forget it? What if I wanted to be your boy? Though I’d prefer man, if we’re being honest here,” Ghost says, and he freezes while his brain catches up.

“You fucking with me?” he asks, just because he needs to know, needs to be sure before he makes a fool of himself. Well, more of a fool than he already has.

“No, but we could fool around later if dinner goes well,” Ghost tells him, laughing as he reaches up and pulls the mask off. He tosses it onto the table, barely missing the salad bowl.

And fuck, he’s a bonnie lad. Soap can’t even speak, just stands there staring at him, eyes trailing over every exposed inch of his face, committing it to memory in case this is the last time he sees it for a while. “You’re stunning,” he whispers in awe. Then he has the pleasure of watching Ghost’s face darken, the apples of his cheeks turning pink and making the freckles dotting them stand out even more.

“Shut up,” he murmurs before stepping closer. “But yeah, I’m all in if you want this too. Want me. I’m sick of wasting time. Maybe next year we can be with your family instead of me keeping you stuck on base.”

“I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life,” he says truthfully. “And I’d rather be stuck here every single year if you prefer it. But you heard my Ma. She wants you home with me.”

“Let’s make sure we make it to next Christmas, then,” he jokes, but there’s a hint of worry in his tone.

“Never letting go of you now,” Soap warns him with a laugh. Ghost chuckles and moves in so close the toes of their boots touch.

“Hard to let go if you haven’t even touched me yet,” he points out. And fuck if his smirk isn’t as lovely as Soap had imagined. It’s crooked, a scar bisecting the left side, but it’s perfect to him.

“Better fix that. Can I kiss you, Ghost?” he asks softly.

“Simon. Call me Simon when we’re alone,” he says breathily, and Soap knows how out of his comfort zone he is right now.

“Simon, can I kiss you? Please?” he asks and Simon just nods at him.

And so he does. He cups Simon’s cheeks, brushing a thumb across the constellation of freckles there, and leans in to press their mouths together. It seems almost anticlimactic after all their flirting, but the feel of Simon’s chapped lips against his is one of the best things he’s ever experienced. He can almost feel the tension leave both their bodies as they melt into each other. He keeps things light, pulls back before thinking better and darting back for another quick kiss.

Kissing Simon isn’t a burst of fireworks, but it’s like coming home which is even more perfect.

“Would now be a good time to tell you I’m really fucking in love with you?” he asks teasingly.

“Only if I can say the same,” Simon says, chuckling as he palms the back of Johnny’s head and drags him into another kiss.

And if they stand there kissing in the middle of the rundown rec room, lost in each other long after their dinner has gone cold, it’s no one's business but their own.

[angelasscribbles]

All That She Wants Chapter 5: Consequences

Series: All That She Wants

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings: Riley x Liam, Riley x Drake, Liam x Olivia

Word Count: 1,094

Rating: M

Warnings for this chapter: none

My other stuff: Master List.

Riley stared down at the plastic stick in her hands as a myriad of feelings washed over her.

Another negative test.

How? It had been 6 months since she’d first set her sights on Drake. They had been sleeping together regularly ever since.

Frequently even.

Disappointment and disbelief were the first emotions. She had conceived Ellie on her honeymoon with Liam. Xander had taken only two months of trying.

Frustration and relief were an odd combination, revealing her conflicted motives. Her original goal of procreation was being thwarted, and that was frustrating.

But another negative result meant she would have to keep sleeping with Drake. Not just sleeping with him, but basically dating him, per the arrangement she had agreed to.

She hadn’t meant to, but she found herself enjoying the dating part. It felt good to be wanted, to be pursued, wooed, romanced, valued.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t hear him until he was right behind her. “What are you doing?”

Her body jolted as awareness of her surroundings rushed back in. “Liam! I thought you had meetings all morning!”

“I did. But the Duke of Rothsford spilled his coffee on me and I came back up to change.” Astonishment crept into his voice. “Is that a pregnancy test?”

“It’s none of your business, is what it is!” She snapped as she moved her hand behind her back.

“Oh, I think it’s most certainly my business if my wife, whom I haven’t had sex with in months, is taking a pregnancy test!”

“Try a year and a half, Liam!” she bit back furiously.

He looked momentarily taken aback. “Has it been that long?”

“Yes!” She hated the tears that gathered in her eyes.

Liam faltered for a moment. He looked at her with compassion, his hand reached out toward her in a comforting gesture but froze halfway there. His voice was icy as he demanded, “Why are you taking a pregnancy test?”

“I wanted to see if I was pregnant, Liam, that’s why!”

“So, you’re having an affair?”

She gaped at him, the anger in his tone confusing her. “You literally told me that if I wanted another baby, to find someone else to be the father!”

“That was hyperbole, Riley!” Liam was shaking with barely restrained fury. “The Queen of Cordonia can’t just have another man’s baby!”

“Oh, but you can sleep with Olivia and ignore your wife, and that’s fine?”

“I—”

“Exactly. You’re a hypocrite, Liam. What if your mistress got pregnant? Then what?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Liv doesn’t even want children! She took the necessary precautions to prevent that years ago!”

“Wow.” Riley shook her head as anger replaced all the despair and sadness she usually felt when confronted with her husband’s infidelity. “You didn’t even try to deny it.”

His shoulders slumped as his fury abated. “I’m sorry, Riley. You deserve better than I’ve given you. I know that.”

“Did you ever love me?”

“I do love you, Riley. Things with Liv and I are…. complicated.”

“No, Liam, you don’t love me. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have shut me out. Something changed somewhere along the way, and you didn’t bother to let me know.”

“I’m not disputing that things changed. Our marriage became…stale.”

She wasn’t sure which emotion was more prevalent as she took in his assessment of their relationship. There was an ample amount of rage tempered by an overabundance of grief.

She had never stopped loving him. Had never stopped trying.

But the unvarnished truth was that he had left their marriage, at least emotionally, long ago, and there was nothing she could do about it.

For the first time since she had said I do, she admitted to herself that this was not the fairytale they had sold to the press. This was not her happily ever after and Liam was not her prince charming. They had been living a lie from the moment he proposed.

“Why didn’t you just marry her in the first place?” she asked bitterly.

“I just told you…. she refused to have children. I needed an heir.”

“So, you married me for my uterus?”

A defensive note crept into his voice. “You knew the terms. You agreed—”

“I agreed to the marriage terms because I loved you, you fucking unbelievable bastard!”

“Riley, you’re upset. I understand. But once you calm down—”

“No.”

“No? No, what?”

“No, to whatever is about to come out of your mouth. I’m done worrying about what’s best for you! It’s my turn, Liam!”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you have three choices. Either give me a baby, let someone else give me a baby, or let’s just get divorced and I’ll do as I damn well please.”

“Riley, we can’t just—”

“Those are your choices. Even the king can’t force someone to stay married to him against her will. Just imagine the scandal that would cause!”

He struggled to maintain his composure when what he wanted to do was throw things, yell, lock her in the room, and forbid her to leave it. Instead, he took a steadying breath and counted silently to ten before he spoke. “We said forever, Riley.”

“You promised to love me, Liam.”

“Who is it?”

“Excuse me?”

His voice was tight as he searched her face for answers. “Who are you sleeping with? Who is stabbing his king in the back?”

For the first time in their entire marriage, Riley had the upper hand. She gave him a self-satisfied smirk as she tossed the plastic stick into the waste bin. She crossed the room to the door, opened it, then turned back to face him. “You have two days to decide which option pleases you most, my king.” Then she was gone.

“Son of a bitch!” Liam picked up the nearest object and hurled it at the door that had just closed.

Glass shattered against the wood, as water and petals exploded outward.

Who the fuck had been sending her flowers?

He had barely noticed the vases of fresh-cut blooms that had changed every few days, assuming housekeeping had been putting them there to brighten the room. Now the certainty that someone was not just fucking his wife but romancing her took hold.

Something had to be done. A decision had to be made, and it had to be made quickly.

He pulled out his phone and quickly punched in Olivia’s number. “We have an urgent matter to discuss. I need you to drop whatever you’re doing and come to the palace immediately.”

[luffyvace]

X☆☆GIRLFRIEND AIURA ☆☆X

I LOVE AIURA SHE’D BE THE BEST PLATONICALLY AND ROMANTICALLY 💗💗

she’s my fav tdlosk girl ♡

She’s so supportive!! Anything you dream of or want to do she’ll invest in it and cheer you on! She spend money to fund whatever your doing or if it doesn’t require money she’ll be there whenever you practice/train, etc! She’s your number 1 fan/cheerleader and will literally dress up as one if it further motivates you 😂🤗👍 If you get burnt out she gives you pep talks to keep going and believes wholeheartedly you’ll be famous one day! She can use her powers to check if you want? 😙

she’s very blunt- 😭 she says what she wants to say—when she wants to say it, therefore you will always get her honest opinion on something. Don’t bother going to her if you want her to sugarcoat something. Your better off going to teruhashi or chiyo for that 🤷‍♀️ But if you like straight forward constructive criticism, then she’s your girl! (Literally 😆) don’t get me wrong! She won’t only point out all the flaws in whatever your asking her for advise for, she also praises what you did good on!! <3 I mean she does give others advice on a daily so i reckon she’d be pretty darn good at it.

she love shopping 😍😍 (me too) even if you don’t like it ngl she’s gonna drag you on her shopping halls anyway. It’s not like she can push two carts worth of clothes by herself 😜 she makes you rate her fits out of 10 and models it in front of you before you do. You’d better be paying attention too! Don’t ignore her⁉️😤 (Or she’s making you pay for everything)

obviously she has a stellar fashion sense so if you ever don’t know what to wear, you can always go to her :) she’ll dress you up anyway if she thinks your clothes are too bland so don’t even worry about it at this point. 😭 you just gotta be on par with her taster in fashion!! Like?? How can she look good but her s/o doesn’t???? No way! Your both gonna look like stars 🤩⭐️

you’d best tell her your fashion sense too or else she’s just gonna make you a gyaru as well 😀 (for the record there are male gyaru’s)

she will fortune tell your future together to see if your compatible, she’s a really dedicated girlfriend so she’ll do her best to make the relationship work out. As seen with saiki in the anime, except she fails in courting him- but this time it’s with you and you didn’t fumble the bag so two are already together

if it doesn’t work out she’ll try and figure out why and change it! No way her and her for liferrrrrs/soulmate isn’t going to be together foe eva?? 🤨 wym?

shes pretty stubborn so she’s determined to fix whatever went wrong :P

if she sees a ideal future she won’t stop talking about it

she practically dreams of it 😭💗💗

she daydreams and fantasizes about it more than she realizes. If torisuka found out he’d definitely make fun of her- only to get kicked in to the land of no kids 😂🥋 (🤭😶)

you suppport her in her job, you take her out for a spa if she’s had a rough day. Her clients be getting wild. 😭 Your usually there with her but she’ll rant to you about it after she gets off work anyway because she just needs to get her thoughts out. Not that your complaining, she’s always coming up with the most ridiculous insults that make you laugh, so it’s not unbearable 🤷‍♀️😂

your gera (aura) looks the most attractive to her!! ⭐️😚 like, she can see them and everybody’s looks different right? Well she romanticizes you (which is ironic because she’s brutally honest if you ask me) so she’s naturally attracted to your aura. Will actively seek you out in a crowd using this. >:3 She’s likely scared you a couple times by the way she turns around, knowing your there, before you call her name….😃

She’s open to using her powers to help others, so obviously any favor you ask of her that require them is no biggie for her! 😼👍

will also use her powers to make sure nothing ever happens to you 😤💖 don’t worry!! Your psychic girlfriend will protect you!

(If it calls for it she’ll get saiki to help since he can do much more than her—maybe torisuka too if the problem is a ghost 😒)

you get to hang out with the psychic trio since she 100% told you about they’re powers 😭

well what did you except? she trusts you! Not sorry Saiki 😜🤷‍♀️

she makes a lot of money from her job and spoils you with it 🤗 Don’t worry about paying her back she said! Let your psychic girlfriend spoil you! >:D You want clothes? She’s does too!! Let’s go shopping! Your hungry? Let’s eat out! You pick the place ;) You picked up a new hobby and need xyz for it?? She’s bought it and sent the delivery address to your house 💋 (Call her when you open it!! :P 😤)

also for the record she 100% found out you were gonna start dating/accept her love confession through her crystal ball. 😅💞 She was so hype about it and couldn’t stop thinking of you. She did her best to collect as much info on you as possible from her crystal ball and others who knew you.

she probably gives you a nickname that you have a love/hate relationship with. One of those nicknames that annoy you, but only she can get away with it cuz it’s her- so it’s endearing <33

either that or a real cheesy pet name she won’t stop calling you 😭🤦‍♀️

“Honey-bear!~ come here for a second!”

you always end up running around—getting dragged in her ‘adventures’ while helping others. Saiki too, so he’s likely there as well. She just can’t fight the urge to help those in need! Idk if it’s canon but if it’s not, I hc her to be an actual empath 💗⭐️

Overall you lowkey love her rambunctiousness and especially how she’s not afraid to be herself 😭💗💗

Hopefully you guys enjoyed these hcs of my fav girllll!!!

I love her she’s SPECTACULAR!! 😍😍⭐️

[moxie-girl]

DRDT EP 13 theories/predictions

figured I should collect all my thoughts in one place b4 the new episode drops…

Levi’s Secret

I don’t think Levi is the killer, especially not after the last episode. Given how he apologized for being unhelpful + derailing the trial, he knows what he’s confessed will cause a big stir but he’s confessing it to be helpful in some way, possibly one or more of the following:

1. He knows talk will turn to motive secrets soon with alibis exhausted, and wants to stop people from thinking whoever’s secret Arei had was the one to kill her before that discussion takes up too much time.

2. He wants to change the topic to motive secrets because he thinks one of the other unrevealed secrets relates to Arei’s murder.

3. The murder he committed is similar in some way to Arei’s death and he needs to confess his secret in order to share what he knows.

4. Or, because of the murder(s?) he committed, he knows more about bodies than Arturo and wants to share what he noticed (Levi autopsy guy from now on??)

While Levi’s almost definitely off the hook for Arei’s murder, I’m still a little worried for him though…

Ace’s (Almost) Murder

I’m really hoping we address this sooner rather than later, especially because I think it has to be relevant to Arei’s murder, since the common consensus is that they were both hung? I’m also a firm believer of the theory that someone else (coughcoughHu) tried to kill Ace and Nico walked in on it and saved him…

The Murder Method

I’m not going to go into a deep analysis of the evidence here, especially since other (smarter) people have already analyzed the crime to hell and back - I just figured I’ll put this here too with the rest of my thoughts. I believe that Arei’s murder was almost definitely done through a complex sort of Rube Goldberg machine, utilizing tools like the playground spinner (hence the tape) and heavy jugs full of water (hence the fish)… I don’t know who this implicates, but hopefully we’ll get more clues soon!

The Possible Culprits

I’m not listing off who I think it is based on who could have committed it and how or anything, rather, this is who I think is narratively the most suspicious right now, in no particular order:

Rose

I really don’t want it to be Rose!! But she’s been acting super super suspicious in the current trial and it’s hard to ignore:

- continuously pushing for people to vote/‘just want this trial to be over already’ (paraphrased)

- hasn’t fallen asleep once, I don’t think?

- keeps repeating ‘I was definitely asleep at that time’ when asked for alibis, instead of just saying no

However, there’s like no reason or motive for her to have murdered Arei, so maybe there’s another explanation…? (Accomplice!Rose??)

Hu

I’m convinced she was the one who tried to murder Ace, with good intentions, so it’s possible she switched targets to another bully? She’s definitely latched onto Nico as someone she needs to protect, whether or not they want her protection…

I know she has an alibi, but she brought it up a little out of the blue, possibly also to protect Nico, and Nico barely agreed with her (it’s also been shown that Nico will fake an alibi so as not to be suspected, which is technically fine since they weren’t the murderer so it just means they aren’t falsely suspected? But it also means they might just agree to Hu’s false alibi to get Ace + the class off their back, which Hu could be using to her own benefit?)

Overall, I’m still not sure about the possibility of this once since if Hu really did murder just to remove someone she saw as a problem, considering what we think her secret is, it seems more likely that she’d give up immediately, “sacrificing” herself for the “greater good”…

Whit

Honestly, I don’t really think it was Whit, but by GOD is he suspicious right now. But then again, he’s always suspicious, and it doesn’t feel like in a murder way? I almost don’t want to suspect him of being the mastermind… it feels more like a red herring (ba-dum-tss)

Other Misc. Thoughts

Secrets

I agree with the common theories on whose secrets are whose, especially since one of those theories has already been proven correct. I do wonder whether any of the other unrevealed secrets will prove to be related to the murder in any way, or if they’re just still unrevealed for personal reasons. Also, as much as I want David to reveal that his secret is surely actually Teruko’s, I think narratively he’ll probably hold on to that for another chapter or two (it’s not like anyone can disprove him…)

Ace

Given that Ace has been oddly quiet the last episode, plus I’m sure his reaction to Levi’s secret is gonna be… something, I think it’s leading up to one of two things:

1. Ace passes out from blood loss and talking putting too much strain on his throat.

2. Ace has a full-blown anxiety attack as the stress of the whole situation finally gets to him.

Teruko

I’m excited for Teruko to school us all on… something! Likely the murder method or the secrets… however, since this episode is the 13th episode, releasing on Friday the 13th, it also seems likely that something really unlucky is about to happen :(

☆ ☆ ☆

Anyway, that’s all! Actually wait hold on I should make a bingo card or something…

aaand here are some cards! totally didn't take me like an hour to figure out how to make or anything lol...

[mateoluvr]

first date

prompt: where would these agents take you out / what would you both do for your first date with them?

( gekko, fade, omen ) x gn!reader

a/n: a quick filler while i try to get motivation to write one of my requests-

gekko:

he’s probably a really indecisive guy and would ask you for suggestions unless you really insisted him in choosing

if he were to choose he’d probably bring you to a skatepark

he wants to be a showoff and show you all the cool stunts he can do!

his clumsy self would probably accidentally fall off his board once in a while, and he did it right in front of you. his face would turn red in embarrassment but at least he got a laugh out of you

he’d probably end up pushing you to try out skateboarding too, and start it easy with the basic fundamentals

skateboarding was not your thing, you barely managed to balance yourself, envious on how he made it look so easy

“ugh.. i can’t do this!” you pouted in defeat. 

“it’s not something you learn within a few minutes of trying,” he chuckles picking you up from the ground for the millionth time.

“i swear one day i’ll get better than you at this!!”

“i’d like to see you try.”

fade:

i wanna believe she’d take you to a cat café so she could share her adoration with cats with you, and enjoy some coffee (because the other agents in the protocol are mad she keeps drinking it all-)

if you really like cats like she does, that’d be a check in her book! 

when you learnt she had cat paws on the outsoles of her shoes you teased her about it, because her usual attire didn’t look like it would include that

you’d buy her a cat shaped mug to bring onto your date with her! she’s a tad bit expressionless, probably has a small grin at most but deep down fangirling over how cute the mug is! 

fade was a reserved individual, so she didn’t really talk much she just sat there cuddling with the kitties at the café which you found cute because of her softness towards cats

she’d order a lot of cups of coffee, and your eyes widened at the amount she drank. you were a tad bit concerned about it

“fade.. that’s a excessive amount of coffee no?” you ask peering down to the amount of cups of coffee she already drank.

“don’t worry about it y/n, i’ve had way more than this in one sitting i’ll be fine.” she reassures your concern.

“how have you not had a caffeine crash yet?!” 

omen:

he’s uncomfortable in going out to the public because of his current form he’s in

would prefer in staying indoors because he’s afraid his appearance would scare others

when you agreed on staying indoors since you took his opinion in consideration (he’s glad for that), he suggested he’d teach you how to knit!

he’d bring you to his office, and his shelves are filled with his creations

he was very proud of his collection and gave you a cute octopus plushie that he made that was his most prized possession, but he knew you’d take good care of it

he’d take out his yarn, knitting needles, and other materials and set it out on the coffee table beside the fireplace

since you were a beginner and never knitted in your life, he teaches you on how to knit a scarf

a few mistakes were made on your end, but he encourages you to keep on going

“i think i’m getting there omen!” you proudly stated with your scarf almost done.

“that’s great to hear y/n, it looks great already.”

you look at him with a smile, noticing he already finished his scarf millennials ago, “damn you really are a professional at this omen.”

[sukirichi]

LOVE LETTERS: longer asks

from: shhh anon

okay so with the limited time i’ve had, i do finally have some theories and things ive realised, i also think i may have gone a little overboard so enjoy this mini novel 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

let’s start from the beginning ☝️

→ SHHH ANON OMG this was 1.6k words that’s CRAZYYY I love you for that, really <3 okay LET US DIG IN also I am so sorry this took me forever to reply to, my life is just hectic *sobs*

chapter 1)

wakatoshi being the crowned prince by king’s favor makes sense — he’s the most responsible and with the newly added info that rin isn’t the kings biological son, it’s obvious the king would have wanted to be preceded by someone of his own blood even if it wasn’t an official crowned prince. a male born to a concubine may still become an heir if there is no other option iirc.

oooh yes this!! especially because I mentioned before that ushijima is the favorite son since his mother was the one that the king really liked!

“It was all my Mother’s plan to put me on the throne, and I accepted because she promised I could make you my concubine!” this was from rin in chapter 1. the queen was so adamant about rin becoming the king that she made promises out of desperation, her son becoming king would mean she is still protected by the royal law and even if it had gotten out that rintarou isn’t the late king’s biological son, he’d already have the highest rank of authority. the queen was desperate to keep her title and i guess the benefits of being royalty? or maybe she has nowhere else to go. the more i reread, the more i realise — yuzuru and the queen aren’t as similar as i thought. they’re the same side of different coins, yes they were both cheated on and their husbands ended up impregnating other women, but yuzuru would NEVER be desperate for a royal title like the queen is, like that fuckass eyeball mfer is.

right again, shhh anon! the queen really has taken measures to ensure she’d keep her title as queen because it comes with a lot of privilege, and like that cersei lannister scene, “power is power.” and yeah!! yuzuru would never be desperate for royalty and wealth because she already grew up very privileged and has loving parents, so yuzuru pre-marriage really won the lottery in life. but here’s the thing – the queen’s background wasn’t really divulged, but I will say that she wasn’t poor or struggling like eyeball either. in a nutshell, she really is just greedy LMAO

chapter 2!

‘Princess Iris played the naive part well of concealing her feelings’ it should’ve been obvious from the start, iris never loved anyone really, she loved being loved, but to her everything was an act to keep her afloat, bro actually get me in the ring with her i need to fight this bitch atp.

“you had to choose someone with the power to tear the family apart as soon as she finds out about your affair? I would not take her wrath lightly.” i mentioned this quote in another theory, but i think the foreshadowing was just really well done. i also think it helps highlight the difference between iris and yuzu, like iris was able to make rin believe she was everything he needed to love, she played the part of the heartbroken lover well. yuzu turned her sadness into power and motivation, she knows she’s capable of more than just manipulating the men around her. iris is a performer, she spends her free time being a puppeteer. yn spends her time playing the game of chess that the queen has set up, and i fr believe she’s going to have a checkmate soon.

HELL YEAH. iris loves being loved! she grew up having none of that, and when she became princess, she felt like she was becoming the exact opposite of what she believed – someone great, someone worthy of adoration. AGSHJKA BUT NO WORRIES I CAN GET YOU IN THE RING WITH HER. OOOHHH YES LIKE that’s a really good analysis actually – iris is a performer and a great actor, but yuzuru isn’t. while iris likes to flaunt to the people of what she has to prove a point, yuzuru prefers to have her own way by working behind the scenes (much like how the queen does, she keeps things very subtle but also will not hesitate to go out with a big bang if need be. iris isn’t like that. she’s much more straightforward and not that much of a strategist, we only saw her pull out the big guns from chapter 18 when she also broadcasted that public announcement to make rin a target of the government.

“I know there are no limits to your actions if it means protecting your power and wealth.” this was said to the queen iirc, and again THE FORESHADOWINGGGG. hindsight is truly a blessing

‘Your loneliness was one of the reasons you fell madly in love with the Crown Prince.’ yuzuru uses her loneliness to bond with people, iris uses her loneliness to use people. it’s why iris and suna don’t work well. they’re both people who see loneliness as a reason to be greedy and use those around them to fulfil their emotional needs, and how will those needs be met when they have nothing emotional to give to each other? whereas yuzuomi, both use their loneliness to form a connection and proper bond. or maybe it’s just cuz they’re actually normal humans who have functioning brain cells and don’t live in “me me me” land like ipiss. (rin gets a slight pass cuz he was essentially raised to be selfish and alone as crowned prince)

yuzuru uses her loneliness to bond with people, iris uses her loneliness to use people. OMG YES. A HUNDRED PERCENT YES. iris and suna see their loneliness as something that highlights what they’re lacking in, and it makes them want to take and take, while yuzuru sees her loneliness as a space to be filled and shared with someone else. that’s why yuzuomi works so well – they see that they have spaces in their heart left to be filled, and they welcome love with open arms <3 me me me land like ipiss IM CRYING AGHSJAA

‘You were confused what to feel—disgusted that she thought she could fool you into thinking her husband would be the father when the Prince was rumored to be rarely at home, or utterly mortified with dread over the possibility her husband was not the father.’ clocked it from chapter two, iris being rin’s baby momma was foreshadowed 🗣️🗣️

YEAHHH THE FORESHADOWING IS THERE also CAN I JUST SAY I’m so happy you went back to read the first chapters and noticed all these little things because I was actually trying my best to drop hints here and there that can all be connected to the latest updates and to have someone notice those details… I’m so so happy, you have no idea😭💓

“Royal marriages either happen to form alliances [or] hide a revolting scandal” this is where iris’ family comes in, i 100% believe they used sensitive information to get iris married in. im thinking her family were the original royals in itachiyama (the broken down castle) when it was still connected to inarizaki, and the queen could’ve had to give in, as a way to stop a war from breaking out between the two countries, icepole also referred to her marriage as being “forced, to stop [their] countries from going to war”…. so there’s that, but i do also believe they used rintarou’s status as an illegitimate child as the main bribe. which i also feel like is yuzu’s motivation to publish the article, cuz wdym you’re gonna threaten my husbands peace and identity for your own selfish gain? she got me sooo fucked up. but that begs the question… what is in that article? defamation? an allegation of treason?

ICEPOLE AGAHJSK okay so here’s the thing – we all know that inarizaki and itachiyama were originally one kingdom when a faction decided to split apart and be independent. however, they all still share the same land/country in a way, and itachiyama was richer when it came to natural resources, while inarizaki was more advanced in technology and society overall. the two countries have a peace treaty that they can equally benefit from one another, but as time went on, inarizaki’s monarchs were failing in their ruling hence the economic problems that were discussed around chapter eight or so, and it’s a problem that was attempted to be solved by having iris and kiyoomi marry because the royal family felt that they needed itachiyaman representatives within the crown to show that they are all “still as one.” it worked for a little bit, and it did stop the two countries from going to war (although it was mostly inarizaki being desperate because they needed itachiyama more than itachiyama needed them), buttttt it was still complicated because itachiyama was weirded out that iris (who was supposed to be their princess, too) never visited them, and they felt like she was never really a good rep for them

“Prince Kiyoomi is not the type of man to be reckless and drag himself into scandals,” but he defo cares enough about his brothers to sacrifice his freedom in order to protect them. or maybe he got the short end of the stick and had to take one for the team cuz he’s a fancy farm boy from itachiyama💀

he got the short end of the stick, unfortunately *sobs* the king mostly keeps his conquests his conquests within his kingdom but when he saw kiyoomi’s mother… he just couldn’t help himself, and when he was born, the king thought, “wait, this boy can actually be of use.”

chapter 3.

“Would you rather me impregnate a woman purely for that reason? To father a child I was not ready to have? To bear such the burden of the Crown onto a young boy who was born not because his parents wanted to love him, but rather because I am someone who ‘had to fulfill my duty’?” unironically, that’s exactly what he did. in his mission to rid iris of her loneliness, he impregnated her with a child he was not ready to have.

“And sometimes a lowly Prince must be smart enough to turn away from matters that do not concern him, lest he wishes to be exiled from the only place that puts food in his mouth,” rintarou is going to lose it all. i think the way dtd is going to end will be something like this: rin and his mother lose their titles, or well…. rin steps down, he has growth as a person and learns that the materialistic life and more power than you could ever imagine just… isn’t worth losing your humanity over. or maybe he does it for yn, but i do think he would step down. a motivation to step down as king / crowned prince is the fact that his mother lied, and rintarou realises that after only ever being used as a chess piece for his mother, a tool for her to use to give herself an advantage - after realising he was never his own person but a doll that sat pretty, only ever being dressed up and thrown around, no aspirations for himself other than what he’s been fed to desire… he takes control of his life and gets the ultimate revenge.

EEEEE YOU PREDICTED THIS OMG – RIN AND THE QUEEN LOSING THEIR TITLES DID HAPPEN!! although I will not lie, I really wanted to try a different ending where Rin faces the queen head on and exposes himself as he steps down from the crown, to show the queen that he wasn’t going to continue being her puppet, and also to finally be honest for once to his wife – to let yuzuru know that their marriage was never a valid royal one, so technically, they’re annulled, and he’d hope she’d finally be free from him because rin knows that if he doesn’t do something, yuzuru would still remain devoted to him (even if she’d already fallen for omi.)

HUUUGEEE jump cuz chapters 4-7 already have my theories iirc

chapter 8)

“I never knew my name could sound so important without the titles attached to it.” this kinda feeds into my idea from before!! i think this is the start of rinta realising, being a normal guy isn’t so bad. he has a name beyond the crown, he is a person beyond the roles and responsibilities he’s been forced to have. i think ushiwaka will be crowned prince and eventually king. despite being traditional, i think he would probably make an exception to the royal marriage rule for omi and yn. since their situations were very unique compared to what most royal marriages were about. yn’s technically would be allowed since rintarou isn’t even royalty technically, and id assume he’d let omi out of that marriage since iris technically threatened the royal family!

OOOH I LIKE THIS THEORY but yes!! I really do want rin to realize that being a normal guy isn’t so bad, although it’s still hard for him to accept because then it really just shows how he was a nobody who ruined yuzuru’s life, and the guilt will be something he’ll carry with him forever. not to say that he thinks he’ll have more right if he was someone wealthy, but… yeah that’s really how he thought during the first parts of dtd, that’s why he always said “as the crown prince, I don’t deserve anyone lesser than her.” for ushi though, yes I do think he can make exceptions to allow omi and yn to marry if we ever go down that route – he may be traditional but he is also such a softie deep down!

“but it was always a famous royal saying that whoever was your last dance on your debutante ball was your destined lover.” red string theory!!! MY BELOVEDDDD. this is why i think yuzutarou will have a platonic ending while kiyoomi becomes the main love interest, destiny is something akin to fate, it can’t be change no matter how much you try to manipulate the situation. just like how the queen cannot change her fate, she was destined to fail and i think we could possibly see a conversation in the future about how the universe would not allow her plan to succeed? probably from keiji. i also think she’s gonna rope keiji into her scheme tbh, get him to commit a little treachery maybe? have him be a scapegoat to protect herself and give herself a fighting chance… per chance?

ooooh also I’m sorry to disappoint in this part but when I said that the queen had plans to use Keiji, I actually wasn’t going to write any scenes about that BUT it’s true that the queen planned that if ever rin doesn’t become King, and Atsumu wasn’t approved to be King by the public, then Keiji would be her puppet King since she knows he’s ‘weak’ in terms of title and power, so Keiji “might agree” to be King 🥴

anyways that’s all for now, idk if i was cooking or just regurgitating stuff you’ve basically said 😭 i just don’t think the villains in this story are iris and suna anymore. the villains were always the villainesses - the queen and iris. theyll fight against whatever odds to change their fate, theyll use and abuse whoever they need in order to stay at the top.

this is deadass so fucking long but im excusing myself cuz its got content from like five chapters LOL also sorry for the lack of jokes, i was ‘erm ackchually’ing my way through this entire thing 🤓🤓 goofy ass text analysis bruh, got me typing shit as if me and sigmund freud were psychoanalysis rivals.

→ ANYWAYS I LOVED YOUR THEORIES AND ANALYSES SO MUCH LIKE i hope you know you have a special place in my heart!! you have shown so much love and support to dtd and i am just so so soft about that. thank you again!! AGAHJSK ERHM ACTUALLY I GET THAT BUT YOU GOT THEM RIGHT SO YOU WERE SO ON POINT!!

from: @kyriaan

Bruh i imagined such dark scene 😅😅😅 im so sorry this is very dark dhdhhshahha but imagine after rin tells yn he wants a divorce she just stays there, empty expression, her ears ringing. The word divorce repeating in her head until something shatters. Yn smiles softly but its not quite right? She moves graciously to her room and gets her gun. As graciously she walks around, searching for a certain woman in her house. White noise is all yn hears and then she finds her. BAM she shoots her gun not even hesitating, hitting iris in her stomach. Another shot echoes in the walls and then a thud as iris lifeless body falls on the ground. Rin shows right after his eyes opened wide, shocked as he hesitantly looks at his wife. Scared, hes so scared and she's there smiling oh so innocently and yet so unsettling. 'see, it took care of the problem, isnt that right? Rin' yns voice is sweet, the only thing rintarou's mind can register over the ringing of his ears.

→ I’m not really reading yandere content but does this count as yan?!?! anyways omg. also because it’s a well known fact that yn knows how to use a gun and is an exceptional shooter as well AGHSJAK. I do think this would go well on a darker theme (and ngl I have debated making dtd darker but it just!! didn’t fit the vibe LMAOOO) but also I feel like if yn really did shoot iris, she’d do it during a manic episode and then not even realize what she did until it’s too late 😭

Awww now that you talked about it i remember you briefly telling me the tooru ending and thinking about it made my tiny heart sad then and sad now 🥺 its a bitter sweet ending while they end up together and basically love each others company, yn never ends up loving him 😔 But yes! Totally just write the ending you like best (even if that shatters everyone's heart 🥹) its your story after all 😌

→ THE TOORU ENDING. I remember back in 2022 when I was still getting so much ideas on how DTD would go, my heart really wanted a tooru ending but idk AGHSJA somehow along writing it, I did not really expect to fall for Omi and have him move up a notch on my faves so him or suna have the highest possible endings </3

So the evil in me is working.... while i still want iris to abort... Theres something mmmm say usually women are in danger or miscarrying in their first trimester and iris have been looking rather sick, rin also mentioned doctor telling iris to move bla bla in case she gets sick..... How fucked up would be if she i dont knowwww miscarried it? 👁️ I mean even if she survives the 1st trimester theres just so much stress in the royal life especially now that her safety net aka omi is kinda not feeling so 'safe' now mmmm

→ i actually did plan for iris to miscarry it because she would be too stressed out from being deposed but she's offscreen right now so even if she did miscarry, we would never know 😭

Well i read the full update.. I dont know who i despise more now tbh The queen or iris Probably still iris but i was not at all expecting the surpreme bitch to 1st threaten to kill Rin and second threaten to exile us and Rin and then threatening to make Tsumu above all the king like 👁️👄👁️ Welp i cried when we called for Rin while sick and when Rin rejected us.. Like i said i thought it would hurt less now that i know he loves us but ahah 🤡 I still hope iris miscarries or aborts or goes ahead and dies while miscarrying 🤷 Kinda don't get it why they're all 'i need her here as the father of the child in case she gets sick bla bla bla' when she basically admitted she never wanted to be with him at all since hes no real prince or even royalty, and since both wanted the kid gone AND with the obvious no no from the supreme bitch but wtf do i even know anymore 😭 Like why all this now? They say one thing then they do another at this point my heart and my body are too exhausted to even process reasons why 😭 So much for iris wanting to be our friend and wanting rin to move on and be with us 😒 Also i see you Omi but sorry i still foolishly stand for RinTeam

→ hate the queen more, she’s more fucked up lmao! NOOO BECAUSE PLANNING TO MAKE TSUMU KING WAS SO FOUL LIKE not only did the queen force an incestuous marriage but she really wanted a sex offender be king :skull: oh the whole “I need to be there for her because I’m her baby daddy” thing was actually NOT real at all lol, they never went to a doctor or whatever because both rin and iris plan on getting an abortion anyway. it really was just rin’s sick plan of inviting iris to their room so he can hurt us more when we return, because at that point he really didn’t want us getting close *sobs*

Until now rin always said 'it was always her never you' right? And he never really told us he loves us even tho we know (well we readers do). So imagine if he gets to the point where he just goes like 'it was never her it was always you' when he finally admits his true feelings Jfjsjkaofhak The fact this works in both an endearing good happy scene and a really angsty one, leaves me both hopeful and extremely terrified 🤣🤣🤣🤣😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

→ IT WAS NEVER HER IT WAS ALWAYS YOU AGHAJKS I NEED THIS SCENE TO HAPPEN SO BADLY and you’re so right!! whether it’s a happy ending or a sad one that line delivery would be so heartbreaking AAAAH WHY’RE YOU DOING THIS TO ME RIN

BRO THE MOMENT I SAW FORCED INCEST I HAD THIS WAR FLASHBACK OF YOU TELLING ME IRIS AND OMI WERE HALF SIBLINGS AND I IMMEDIATELY KNEW WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT DHSHGDBSJJAJJA Kinda... Made me realize that iris... Said she was lonely because her husband/HER BROTHER never touched her... 🤢����🤢 Like i would forgive her if they were step siblings like no blood related but half siblings.... Yeahhhhhh I was really fucking satisfied by seeing iris in deep shit but god fucking damnit bitch always has to find a way to get back up 😒 like fucking suffer bitch By the way tho since she knew about rin being a fraud doesnt that make her an accomplice 👀👀👀👀 cause he didnt know but she did sooooo if she never told anyone and 'protected' the secret BITCH YOURE GUILTY TOO! PRISON WITH HER! Now the part where rin was drunk had me wanting to spoil him full of kisses omg 😭😭😭😭 Us saying we would pick omi tho 😒😒😒😒😒 like no So the last part while im fucking jumping in happiness since we're with rin now im hating the fact we're all omi omi when in the very last chapter we admitted we still loved rin and well technically we said he still holds a big part of our heart so.. Praying omi was just infatuation since we were sad and cravingg affection 🤣🤣🤣🙏 Thank you so much for this chapter like holy shit i was in the edge of my sit the part where we shoot??? BRUHHHH SO GOOD

→ AGHJKSLAA YES ALTHOUGH I actually took out the whole half siblings thing with omi since I thought it was gonna be just sooo weird but I was like yknow what screw it!! AND YEAH LMAO that’s why omi never touched her. and yes it does make her an accomplice for keeping it a secret!! NAURRR UNFORTUNATELY OMI WAS NOT JUST AN INFATUATION LIKE. we loved him fr. but we also love rintaro (more than romantically) that we couldn’t abandon him… also thank you so much AAAA IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!

from: 🎧 anon

Owieee you had a busy week :(( but is oki now because it's done!! Speaking of my dream uni, my classes start on August 9 and to be honest, I'm scared because my schedule everyday (except Thursday and Saturday and Sunday) is from 7 am to 7 pm... Plus we still have Saturday classes and I still don't know if I officially have no class on Thursday or if it will be for something else. Yes, I still read Bonten Wives... I read it whenever I miss TokRev and watching Windbreaker made me miss them sm 😭😭 so I ended up rereading the manga again 🤧🤧 and I'm falling for Mitsuya and Rindou all over again 😭😭😭😭 AND YES!! JO IS DEFINITELY NOT A MANWHORE LIKE AIKU AJSHAHSHAHHA SUKI! From the moment I first saw Jo on screen, I knew, that I have fallen HAGSHAGSHAHAHA so here are my rambles This is quite common for genres like TokRev and Windbreaker but sometimes, I like to think on how I wanna patch up their wounds when they run to you. I imagine, Jo would act all smug at first before admitting that he's hurt 🥹🥹 I want a Jo Togame in my life 🤧🤧🤧🤧 Someone to snuggle and cuddle to and all that OKAY BUT HEAR ME OUT! Imagine if the Yn that Jo is dating is like someone's little sister in Bofurin!!!! *sigh* can I not be a college student and just get transported in Windbreaker AHGSHAGSHAGSHA ALSO! Can't wait for later's update in DTD!!! Love ya lots!

→ OMG NGLL I DON’T THINK MY BUSY WEEKS ARE ENDING AGSHJK I have classes that are like 8-10 hours a day (sometimes less, sometimes more LOL) and I also go out like everyday so *screeches* also no way omg?! 12 hour classes?! weekend classes too? honestly I would cry but my class schedules were also like that for a while SOOOO BRACE YOURSELF BABE!!

and aww you still read bonten wives, that’s so cute! I actually miss tokrev so much too, like remember when it was so popular in 2021 and we just had so much content of it? like the dance trends, the filo memes, the timeskip content and everyone was just soooo hyped, ugh I miss that time. also!! rereading the manga after windbreaker is so real! when I got into WB I was actually missing tokrev so much but also I love how WB is still its own thing, and I’m just as in love with the characters as I did with tokrev! (okay, that’s a lie because I may or may not be a little more insane when it comes to the windbreaker boys. like. HAVE YOU SEEN SUO.) ALSO MITSUYA AND RINDOU – THE CANONICALLY BEST BOYFRIENDS <3 OH NO YEAH LIKE I DO FEEL LIKE TOGAME MIGHT GIVE OFF MANWHORE VIBES LIKE AIKU AT FIRST BUT?? idk, but I’ll forever die on the hill that togame is a soft loverboy!! aiku though… honestly I wouldn’t mind if he cheats on me because at least I’m still on his roster LMAO /lh

EEEE PATCHING UP JO’S WOUNDS?!! HIS BLOODY KNUCKLESS!! I think he’d be so soft and gentle while he just sits back and lets us do everything :< but yeah he’s going to play it off for sure and be like, “nah, this is nothing” but as soon as you’re not looking, he’s wincing from the pain AHSJKA. no omG I THINK ABOUT THAT ON THE DAILY TOO LIKE? TOGAME JO IS ACTUALLY MY IDEAL BOYFRIEND IN LIFE but where can I find a man like him?!?! ALSOOOO??????? SOMEONE’S LITTLE SISTER???? OOOH WHY DO I FEEL LIKE IT’D BE GOOD IF WE WERE UME’S LITTLE SISTER?!!?

awww love you lots too headphones anon, I hope you’re doing well in uni!!

[xthescarletbitch]

to feed your dbh obsession, maybe kara and north headcanons and brainrot? they can be them as individuals or them as a couple. whichever you prefer! enjoy!

ooh! i'll do some random headcanons for them, and then them as a couple. i hope you enjoy it!

kara

✦ kara is the best friend: kara is the friend who will be there for you no matter what. she will absolutely answer those 3 am calls when you’re feeling down while also being willing to come over with a movie and ice cream. even during periods of no communication, kara will check in on you and ensure everything is alright.    

✦ kara is more than meets the eye: there is a lot that goes on in that pretty head of hers (duh, she’s an android), but hear me out… she is an android capable of critical thinking and empathy, two processes that can either help or destroy an android. she uses them in balance in all she does, executing her capabilities to their fullest extent while remaining wary, just in case. 

✦ kara will do what she does for a good reason: to elaborate on the previous point, there’s a reason for everything that kara does. some of her actions may be questionable (well, depending on how you play her), but she rarely acts on complete impulse. kara is a critical thinker and has thought about all the consequences that would unfold from her actions. she knows there are risks, but she does what she does anyway because she genuinely feels it is the best route. for example, when she asks markus for help to leave town, she heeds his warning and chooses to stay despite what could happen. at least in my game, it worked out (i’m considering her, alice, and luther’s escape to canada to be canon). 

✦ domesticity suits kara well: outside of the fact that she is a housekeeper android, i think that the domestic life is one that kara favours—as long as housekeeping is not her sole duty, of course. she thrives on a partnership where responsibilities are divided, and she can fly as high as she wants. she’d like a job outside the house, too, and the thought of someone waiting for her at home pushes her to work even harder. alice is definitely a huge source of motivation for her. kara loves being a maternal figure to alice and would do anything to keep her safe and far away from harm. i also think that kara wouldn’t be opposed to bringing more children into the house. 

north

✦ you want north on your side: not only is north loyal, but she is a fierce adversary. she has been through so much, which has only made her stronger. there is no halfway with her; it has to go all the way. and if somebody messes with someone she cares about, there will be hell to pay. don’t fuck with north. at the same time, though, she thrives when she receives the same energy. reciprocation is essential to her, after all. 

✦ there is a method to north’s madness: north is very calculated in all she does, and her actions have meaning. she comes from a background where she was just a toy designed for the pleasure of others. it’s crucial for her to make an impact on the world, and she will do whatever it takes to do that. she is more than what she was made for. 

✦ north’s lust for violence is understandable: it may seem that north has some insane bloodlust, but think about it. as said before, she comes from a place where she had absolutely no power. all this girl wants is to be in control of her life for once, and i think she deserves that. sure, violence may be her first suggestion, but from her history, she only knows “kill or be killed.” also, her complaining is minimal when pacifist routes are taken. she closed her mouth and proceeded anyway, despite it not being her choice. is it really a lust for violence or a lust for power and control? 

✦ north deserves better: there is a trend in these thoughts, which is that north is misunderstood and deserves more than what she’s given. the game framed her as some feral being who hates humans, but i don’t think that’s the case. i think she may be awfully skeptical of them, but hate? again, she only knows “kill or be killed.” it’s them or her, and for once, she’s prioritising her own life. i do think that there is room for north to come around to humankind, though. she may not seem to care so much about human life, but i think she does it as a coping technique—an eye for an eye; humans don’t seem to care about her, so she doesn’t care about them. therefore, if things changed, i do think her mindset would change, too.  

kara x north

✦ north always wants the lead, and kara allows it: i don’t think north would do well in a partnership contingent on equal power; i think she thrives in a dominant role. she’ll relinquish some power should her partner desire it, but overall, she wants to be the one in charge. luckily, kara is okay with that and able to adapt to what north wants.

✦ kara is easier to tie down compared to north: kara is more inclined to lead a committed lifestyle than north. north needs freedom, so it is difficult for kara to tie north down, but once it happens, north completely changes. this includes being possessive.

✦ north can get possessive, whereas kara is more chill: north wants what she wants, and when she has it, ra9 forbid anybody who dares take it from her. in a relationship, she can get possessive over her partner–in this case, kara. if anybody tries to flirt with kara, north will rush by her side and work her way into the conversation, making sure that it’s known that kara is with her. meanwhile, kara is more relaxed. she doesn’t get as feral as north might, but there is still a possessive factor there.

✦ overall, kara and north make a powerful duo: where north lacks, kara provides, and vice versa. i am a north defender to the end, but this girl is so bad at being empathetic, especially regarding humans. i’ve already established that kara makes good use of her own empathy, which i feel helps north. at the same time, kara seems almost hesitant when it comes to acts that require ferocity. kara isn’t capable of doing things the hard way, which is something that north excels at. and besides markus, i also think that kara might be able to lead north down a path of learning to live with the humans, at the very least. for kara, i think north can teach her how to be confident in her more challenging choices. there is plenty to teach each other.

[anderstrevelyan]

wip wheneverday

Tagged by @cleric4vampire to share a wip (thank you!), so here's the draft segment of the I-guess-my-version-of-Gortash-invented-lighters thing I was talking about yesterday—

(It's fundamentally a durgetash first time fic, but it has the setup of durgetash-attempt-a-murder-together)

Skie Silvershield could be considered a beauty, maybe, though her father’s reedy frame and angular features did her no favours. Unique, a suitor might say. Rare. Soft-tongued attempts at obscuring the true motivations in their plays for her hand, more interest in a fulsome dowry than a pretty wife. She knows it, too, it’s why she’s out here in the cool air rather than dancing in the arms of a some shiny boy from a shiny family—and she’s always liked a bit of a scoundrel.  He’s found her passable, the other times they’ve spoken on nights much like this. The only reason Enver’s stayed away, really, is how he finds women some decades her senior more loose with their gifts and their coin. He studies her—dress hiked up so she can lean against the wall with one leg, thoroughly ignoring him, focused on something small in her hands—and looks for his opening. Finds it, and runs a hand through his hair, turns his face into the mask and his mind into the weapon he’ll need to see this through. “Can I light that for you?”

She startles, brown eyes wide with a quick flutter of fear, but relaxes when she looks up into his face. Promising, that she hadn’t realized it was him. That she’d been ignoring just an anonymous figure fresh from the house. There’s even a sparkle of invitation there, he thinks; at least, he’s going to proceed as if there is. “You won’t fare any better,” she says despite it, but he plucks the small lighter from her hand anyway. It’s a Gondian thing, meant to house a flame cantrip on demand, and it’s pretty in its silverwork, but they’re notoriously unreliable. It must have belonged to her father, from his days parading around as the head of Gond’s church, and it’s much like the ones Enver’s taken apart, studied, put back together again, between hours observing the cantrip’s properties across Valas’s fingers. “I mean it,” she says, a laugh in her voice. “Gond himself would struggle to master that thing.” He’s tempted to smash it to the ground, if he thought she’d take it in jest. But perhaps not—he’s not sure how fondly she thinks back on her dearly departed father, how much she knows about who he really was. He imagines she must have expected at least something, living under the same roof, but they do have the most extravagantly large estate in the Gate, and there’s a common naivety, he’s found, to the idea that adherents of the darker faiths walk around in one’s midst. He hands her his glass instead—she accepts it after shifting her pipe to the other hand—and digs through his pocket for his own prototype. She takes a long sip of his wine as he does, her eyes never leaving his, not until he leans against the wall by her side and shows her. His is in gold, the metal more intricately carved, but the real beauty lies in its function. “It was a good idea,” he says of the Gondian lighter, sliding it into her dress’s pocket, “but the magic tends to fade, and they don’t make a reliable spark. But if you use cerium, a metal simple enough to import from Chult, and mix it with iron—” He flicks the mechanism, and a flame appears: almost blue, solid and strong, unwavering as a cleric’s faith. “You could sell these,” she says, then leans forward to light her pipe.  He’d expected a little more awe, or praise of his ingenuity; he wouldn’t have shared the secret behind how it works otherwise. He shouldn’t share such a thing, not with anyone, beyond the Bhaalist who watched him do it, not if he wants to keep the credit for himself, and not as he works to find deadlier uses for metal so adept at producing flame. But, of course—it’s not like she’ll live until morning. There’s a small thrill, at the images he can’t ignore. At the thought of Valas’s violet eyes bright in his manor’s dark shadows; of the tension in his muscles as he waits, watches, springs; and his look of relief and exultant release in the aftermath. At how Enver will cup his chin, still warm and wet with her blood, and force him to look into his eyes, to understand the favour, the gesture, the debt tying them closer together. “Perhaps,” he says, taking back his wine. Slowly, so no brush of emotion shows through, and with intention, his fingers lingering against hers. He takes a sip and considers complimenting her.

[ultrone]

Just had a question, you don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to ofc. If the girls, Jackie, Lottie, Shauna, Nat, etc didn’t do Soccer, What do you think they’d be doing instead. Either other sports or clubs, whatever you think, I’m curious. Also have the loveliest day you deserve it!

JACKIE's only concern and goal would be getting chosen as prom queen, she gives me humble/himbo regina george vibes lmaoooo i feel like she’d do a lot of community service hours and force shauna to come with her so that she’s not alone. she’d be the type of girl to have more self-care items in her backpack than actual school supplies; she’d be asking everyone for a paper and a pencil on a daily basis, but would casually pull out her blush and mascara to do some retouches in the middle of class ☠️🙌🏻

SHAUNA would prolly not play any sports at all and just focus on school and extracurriculars—considering that she mentioned how she hated soccer. i feel like she’s naturally good at maths but likes writing better, or biology 🤔 if she played any other sports, i can see her playing badminton idky LMAO or volley.

NAT would spend half of the day in detention i just know it, my girl just doesn’t give a single fuck 😭 i also feel like she’d be a good drummer or bassist (i don’t think she’d have the patience to play an electric guitar, but might know a few chords on acoustic tho). i feel like she's good at history too, probably her highest grade—whether she likes the class or not.

LOTTIE would probably be class president or vice president—she's not as authoritative as tai, but i feel like she'd get chosen because she's very caring, a good leader in general and has good grades. if she didn’t do soccer i feel like she'd play tennis idky, probably cuz that's like a rich people sport lmaoooo i can see her playing volleyball too.

TAI wouldn't be class president cuz even though she's a natural leader and ended up persuing politics as an adult, something tells me that she doesn’t care much about her grades 😭 i feel like her average is 85% but a 70% doesn’t keep her up at night. i also feel like she’s terrible at drawing but would love painting in art class, she’d find it therapeutic and would actually paint cool landscapes and stuff. big bob ross fan (ironically). she’d make silly drawings of everyone; like she’d draw a stick man with a big dick and say that it’s obviously van 🤣

VAN would just stay at home scratching her balls lets be real 😭 but if she played any other sports i can see her playing basketball 🤔 i also feel like she’d be interested in film, especially the cinematography aspect of it. idky i feel like her average was a 60% LMAOO but then she improved her grades.

MISTY would run an anonymous gossip girl newspaper or something 🤣 i also feel like she’d be really good at computing or programming, not because she’s good at technology per se, but because she’s so nosy that it would be enough motivation for her to spend most of the day practicing, just so that she can stalk ppl and shit 🕵🏻‍♀️ i also feel like she’d be better at chemistry than bio.

MARI gives me silly bully vibes LMAOO she'd spend 50% of the time making fun of ppl and the other 50% judging them, she’d be a real homie to her friendgroup tho 💪🏻💯💯 i can see her taking advanced spanish every year cuz it’s her native language, so it’s an easy A—rather than learning another language and getting a lower grade. i feel like her average would either be a solid 80%, or maybe she’d actually be very competitive and get really good grades.

CRYSTAL would def do choir 😭 her friend group would be only like 3 people but everyone at school would think that she doesn’t have any friends cuz she’s very quiet during class. she’s very sweet to everyone tho so no one would hate her—but people wouldn’t notice her that much anyway.