#i just spent like 3 hours of unpaid time doing work shit???

[daydreamlng]

.

[aizawasbrattyprincess]

l a t e  n i g h t  m e t r o

f!reader x vinsmoke sanji (op)

tw: nsfw + non-con + chikan + public sex + breeding + stalking + voyeurism 18+ MINORS DNI

word count: 1.4k

a/n: Shhh I know this is late + I know I said every Friday (sorry!). Anyway, our man Sanji will never violate a woman but in this modern AU Kinktober #3 fic, he just can’t help himself. As usual, don’t read if you’re uncomfortable with this! Thanks for all the support and hoped you guys have a great Kinktober.

⋆ Kinktober Masterlist

buy me a ko-fi?

゜。+。゜゜。*。゜゜。＋。゜*゜。゜。+。゜゜。*。゜゜。＋

00:27

Checking your wristwatch, you heaved a sigh of relief. You had made it to the station to catch the last train home with a few minutes to spare. Usually, you wouldn’t have left the office after midnight, always having to squeeze in between all sorts of nasty and inconsiderate people during the rush hour. If it wasn’t for your idiot boss who dumped a stack of last-minute paperwork on your desk, leaving you no choice but to work unpaid overtime, you would’ve been in bed by now, all snuggled and ready to get some sleep before your alarm rang promptly at six a.m. You needed to quit your job fast, and you were tempted to write your resignation letter as soon as you got home. Your mood further soured when the sudden gust of wind made you shiver. In your haste to leave, you had forgotten to wear your jacket left hanging on your chair, and your short pencil skirt wasn’t helping much. You knew you should’ve worn pants.

Your eyes wandered around the station platform, noticing a few others waiting while glued to their devices. No one stood out, but the same uneasy feeling returned. It was as if someone was watching you from afar. This had been going on for two weeks, at the same station every time you got off work. You had confided in a trusted friend, but that was it. There wasn’t any evidence that someone was watching you, and even if they did, you couldn’t report them to the police for staring. Reaching into your shoulder bag, you pulled out your phone and pretended to text. It was dead, and you didn’t have a portable charger. Hopefully, you won’t need your phone. With the train approaching, you shook it off and took a deep breath. There was no use overthinking; you were probably imagining things from being tired and paranoid.

Stepping into the nearly empty train carriage, you decided to stand near the opposite doors and watch the moving skyline, hoping it would calm you down. It did, for a little while, until you felt stray hands lightly touching your hips. Shit, shit, shit, why did you let your guard down? Alarmed and tensed up, you tried to push the hands away, only for them to snake around your waist, holding you tighter. You caught a whiff of strong cologne and cigarette smoke from the body pressed against yours.

“Finally, I was worried I didn’t see you today. You didn’t tell me you were getting off work this late. It’s not safe, darling,” a male voice whispered.

You timidly looked at the reflection in the windows. The male, his blond hair covering the right side of his face, was much taller than you and dressed elegantly in a black, double-breasted suit with a pinstripe shirt underneath. He was handsome and a hundred per cent your type; you would’ve easily said yes to a date with him. However, his eyes were glazed with nothing but lust. There was no denying he was your stalker, and you needed to get yourself out of there.

“Let go of me,” you demanded, but your voice sounded small over the sounds of the moving vehicle running along the tracks.

He let out a chuckle. Letting you go would be the last thing he’d ever do. He had been waiting to get you for so long — the endless nights he spent thinking about you, dreaming of having you in his arms. He knew he had to have you the minute he laid eyes on you. 

“You look so pretty today, wearing a little skirt like this. You really do know what I like, hmm?”

His right hand slid between your thighs, spreading them open and then caressing you slowly. You frantically tried to squirm out of his grasp but to no avail while trying to get the attention of someone else who could help you. However, the only other passenger was at the far end of the carriage, sleeping in his seat with headphones on, his heavy metal music on blast. You felt helpless as he continued to hike your skirt further up, his fingers running along your clothed slit. You were wet, though you’d never thought you’d be. Shaking your head in raw panic and denial, you begged him to stop as tears began to prick the corner of your eyes.

“Shh, hey, no crying now. Just relax for me and listen to your body,” he coaxed, pushing your panties to the side. “I’ll make you feel good. Promise you that.”

You bit your bottom lip, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of entertaining him. However, at the first feel of his long fingers dipping inside you, you arched your back involuntarily, and a sweet little cry escaped your parted lips. God, you were so intoxicating. He thought it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. His fingers moved in and out rapidly, wanting to see you come undone before him. Unable to hide his impatience, his other hand practically ripped the top buttons off your blouse before unclasping your bra to fondle your breast. He softly sucked on your nape while his fingers pinched and twisted your sensitive nipple, bringing you to the edge and back. You could barely register anything, the overwhelming euphoria beginning to fog your mind. This man was violating you, yet you enjoyed it, willingly submitting to him. 

“You don’t know what you’re doing to me- Shit, I can’t take it any longer. I need you. I need to feel you.”

He took his fingers out of you, leaving you empty for a brief second before his thick cock sunk inside you. He had been so excited that he had forgotten to use the condom he had brought in his trousers pocket. You screamed out in pain and pleasure, eyes rolling to the back of your head. He was too big for you, but he assured you with endless praises and kisses that you could take him. All you could do was press your palms onto the windows for support, legs trembling and your walls clenching tightly around him as he drove hard and fast into you. Deep, guttural groans filled your ears while his fingers circled your clit skilfully. 

“Sanji,” he said suddenly, starting to pant. He was reaching his limit, and he knew you were too. “Fuck, darling, need you to moan my name.”

He flipped you around, clumsily pulling down your panties before hoisting you up, your bag falling to the floor. His pace remained unrelenting, and you instinctively wrapped your arms and legs around him, needing to feel closer to him. Pleasantly surprised that you had kissed him first, Sanji returned your kisses with more passion and hunger. And then, you shamelessly cried his name as you both orgasmed, his cock pulsing within your walls as his warm seed filled you up completely. He stayed inside you for a good minute, ensuring his cum wouldn’t spill out before helping you wear your stained panties. He then removed his blazer, letting you wear it to cover up your body.

“I don't want to let you go, but that’s all the time we have,” Sanji said, reaching to caress your cheek. “I’ll be seeing you tomorrow at five. Don’t be late again. All right, darling?”

You hadn’t realised that you were almost reaching your stop and that the man in the carriage had woken up long ago, no longer listening to his music. Looking up at the blonde, you found yourself nodding obediently, not knowing what else to say or do. Did you really want to see him again? And were you actually looking forward to the next meeting?

There was a brief automated announcement, and the train doors opened. Giving you a peck on the cheek, Sanji wished you good night and a safe trip home before handing you your bag and gently pushing you out. You awkwardly stayed on the platform, adjusting your clothes as you watched the train leave and disappear into the night. The ache wouldn’t go away no matter how much you tried to ignore it, and you hated yourself for that. Your mind was hazy, but the answer was clear: you wanted him.

Back on the train, the satisfied Sanji plopped himself in the seat next to the other passenger with a loud sigh, unable to get you off his mind. Perhaps he should’ve followed you home after all.

“She’s that good, huh?” the other man asked, interrupting his thoughts.

“Yeah, I told you she’s perfect. I bet you enjoyed the show, jerking off to how cute she sounds. She’s irresistible and so needy. She’ll be begging for more, I’m sure of it.”

The man shrugged. “Well, I guess I’ll see for myself how good she takes my cock tomorrow.”

“Don’t get me wrong, Marimo,” Sanji laughed dangerously, barely suppressing his anger. “I’m not planning on sharing what’s mine.”

゜。+。゜゜。*。゜゜。＋。゜*゜。゜。+。゜゜。*。゜゜。＋

[angry-geese]

Hi there <3 I've read some of your works and i'm in love with your writing. May I please request a fluff gojo x fem!reader? Like they finished their work in the evening and spend the rest of the night together at home💕 It could be a oneshot or a hc, whichever you feel to write. Thank you so much ^^ I'm sorry just in case my request is somehow not really clear☺️

Of course! here you go <3

Mochi

Gojo Satoru x reader

Warnings: none! entirely fluff! this will quite literally rot your teeth. afab reader

a/n: this ended up being a little longer than I intended lol whoops

Word Count: 2.5k

Satoru Gojo is a busy man.

The strongest can't really take a break. He’s on call 24/7. People are pulling him in all directions simultaneously. With everything that's been going on, between the mess with Sukuna, and everything happening at the school, he’s been short on time.

He needs a break.

He's more tired than he lets on. He’s good at hiding it. Especially around his students. It's hard to pull him away from his work. He's insistent that he’s fine. When you’re around someone for so long, you learn to pick up when they aren't. He can pretend to be fine all he wants. You know otherwise.

Sometimes what the strongest needs is someone to boss him around.

He’s capable of taking care of himself. He’s proven that already. But worrying is in your nature. You care about him, of course you’re going to worry.

You were a first year when you met him, having just transfered schools after an incident involving a curse. In a matter of weeks your life had seemingly been flipped on its head. The switch took some time to get used to. Switching schools your first year, let alone switching to this one in particular, was never going to be easy. Getting used to the way Jujutsu society worked took a while. He was a year above you, and you remember absolutely hating him. Gojo was insufferable- or you found him to be such. But he was friends with Nanami, who was a friend of yours, so you reluctantly hung out with him. Nanami, being in the same year as you, was the first to help you out, extending a hand and helping you get used to the way things worked.

Spending time with him didn't do much to change your views. The two of you couldn't have been more different. You still are. But something about opposites attracts.

The first time you gave him the benefit of the doubt was the first time he saved your life.

It may be a bit of an over exaggeration. You’re certain you would have survived without his help, but that could also be an attempt to preserve your pride. You went after a curse, not expecting it to be as strong as it was. As far as you knew, it shouldn't have been stronger than a grade three. Being a grade two at the time, this should have been well in your ability. There ended up being more than one curse, and they were stronger than anyone had realized. You were in over your head.

It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known. It's not like you could pick and choose which curses you fought. As a student, that was decided for you.

You had resigned to your fate, separated from the others, injured. Nothing fatal. It left a cool scar, though. But you were well out of your league, put on an assignment far harder than you could deal with. You hate to admit defeat, but you had no other option.

Out of what seemed like thin air came Gojo, taking out both curses like it was nothing. Despite not liking him all that much, it was hard to not be impressed. He was strong. Stronger than you could ever hope to be.

You made it home in one piece.

It was three days before you’d finally confront him.

Getting him alone was hard enough. Being an underclassman, you didn't interact with him a whole lot. You didn't have any classes together. The few times you ran into him were when you hung out with Nanami, who was gone at the time.

When the opportunity presented itself, you took it, cornering him behind the school.

Even back then it was impossible to sneak up on him. He could sense you coming.

“Jesus-” he said, referring to you by your last name, “you look like you want to kill me.”

“You helped me out.” You said. “Why?”

He only shrugged. Not wanting to take that for an answer, you followed him. You were insistent you paid him back. You’d never let a debt like that go unpaid. The first debts are always the hardest to pay back. And when a first debt involves saving your life, well, you’ve got a lifetime to pay back. You only left once Gojo showed up. He needed to talk to Gojo about something, and although you were curious, you didn't feel like sticking around.

Gojo spent the next couple days scheming. You were determined enough you would do just about anything. He could have easily abused his power. It would have been even easier to force you to drop it, but something told him you weren't about to take no for an answer.

You wouldn't.

3pm in the bathrooms. It was hardly a week later. Your last class had ended for the day. You had snuck cigarettes in, blowing the smoke out of the crack in the window. You don't smoke anymore, but you went through nearly a pack a day in high school. There wasn't a specific brand you liked—you didn't necessarily like smoking, but you did it when you were stressed—you just used whatever you got ahold of.

You didn't hear the door open. Gojo wasn't the sneaky type, but he could be when he wanted. You weren't too hard to sneak up on.

If you didn't have contraband that likely would have gotten you expelled, you would have screamed when you saw him. He scared you, not to mention he snuck into the girl’s bathrooms. The two of you would be in equally deep shit if you reported the other. So at that moment you came to a silent agreement.

“You still want to pay me back?” He asked. “Cause I have an idea.”

You perked up at his words.

“Get me mochi from that shop just down the road. You know the one that just opened up?” He asked. “Bring me some and I’ll call us even.”

“That's it?” You asked. It was almost anticlimactic. But despite everything, he was insistent.

Gojo hasn't changed a whole lot since then.

He still has his sweet tooth. He still makes you get him mochi from that shop. It feels like you’re the ones keeping it in business nowadays.

You’re not quite sure who made the first move.

Soon you began spending more time together away from Nanami and Geto. You got along better than anyone—mostly you—ever expected. You weren't the most outwardly affectionate. While you were far from shy, pda wasn't really your thing. Gojo is the opposite. Even now, years after you began dating, he’s still clingy. You’ve gotten used to it. Gojo is possessive, he wants everyone to know you’re his. Not that they don't know already. He can't shut up about you.

Getting him alone has always been hard. Not much has changed in the past few years. He’s only gotten busier. Try to drag him away from work all you want, you rarely succeed.

Tonight he's come willingly. He finished his work early, and all you had left was stuff you could finish in the morning.

Nights at home like this—together—are rare. It feels like you hardly see him anymore. You often fall asleep alone, only to wake up to the other side of the bed being cold. He’s been so occupied with this business with Yuji, that he’s hardly had time for anything else. You sneak away during your breaks, like you’re teenagers again, stealing kisses between classes. You almost don't know what to do.

It almost feels like you should do something to celebrate.

The lights are off when you get home. Your apartment looks empty. Megumi must still be out with his friends.

“What should we do for dinner?” Gojo asks.

“Takeout?” You say. "I don't feel like cooking."

Gojo’s a decent cook, but he doesn't feel like doing so either. He’d get takeout every night if you’d let him. But that's not good for him (or Megumi) so you force him to do otherwise. Because you’re normally home, and you like baking, you’re usually the one to make dinner. There's not much in the fridge. You'll have to get groceries eventually. Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow. It shouldn't take long.

“How does Korean barbeque sound?" He asks. "From that place down the street?”

"Sounds good,"

You find a menu buried in one of your kitchen drawers, stashed with other takeout menus. You pick out something—two meals, plus some sweet buns for dessert—he calls the restaurant. You pay the extra cash to have it delivered. Neither of you feel like going and picking it up. It's more convenient than the alternative.

The tv drones on in the background while you wait. There’s not much on tv at this hour. News, some late night soaps. While you do like your occasional soap opera, none that you normally watch are on. Gojo changes it to the news. The weather. It looks like it'll rain tomorrow morning, but the rest of the day is supposed to be warm.

"We should go to the park tomorrow," you say, "having a picnic sounds nice."

Gojo hums in approval. As long as you make those tea cakes—the ones with honey drizzled on top—he'll agree to tag along. Maybe you'll go check out the bookstore too. It's been a while since you've last gone.

You strip out of your uniform, pulling on some more comfortable clothes; a pair of shorts and one of Gojo's shirts. It smells like him. You can't help but bury your nose in the collar.

When there’s a knock at the door, Gojo is the one to answer. He returns with your food. You gather napkins and utensils. Gojo never saw the point in anything other than stainless steel chopsticks. Or wooden ones—those given to you with takeout—if he wasn't feeling up to doing dishes. You, on the other hand, bought all sorts of colorful ones and stands that may or may not have been lifted from various restaurants. That's one habit from your teenage years you never lost. You'd pocket almost anything that wasn't nailed down. Your apartment has a rather impressive assortment of salt and pepper shakers. Not to mention the box of hotel soaps you never use, but took because you "might" need it. He enables you, taking some whenever he stays out of town, bringing them home for you. Gojo can hardly say no to you.

Gojo settles next to you on the couch, his shoulder pressed to yours. He can't keep his hands off of you. He’s possessive by nature. Everyone has to know you’re his. He always has to be touching you. Not necessarily with his hands, but he presses his thigh against yours while sitting next to you, or his body pressed against yours from behind in public.

The two of you eat in relative silence. Gojo’s attention turns to the tv, but that doesn't stop him from practically laying on top of you. Occasionally he’ll sneak bites of your food, and you of his.

When you’re done, you clear away the empty containers, sitting any leftovers in the fridge. Gojo sprawls out on the couch. He easily takes up any bit of space. The couch can hardly fit all 6-foot-something of Gojo. It hardly fits you. You've been meaning to look for another one, but haven't found the time to.

He opens his arms, and instinctively you go into them. You move so you can rest partially against the arm of the couch, Gojo's head leaning against your shoulder. His arms loop around your waist, his fingers lacing over your stomach.

It doesn't take him long to begin to drift off. He falls asleep in the crook of your neck. The low sound of the tv, combined with the warmth of his body makes you want to drift off to sleep. Sleeping on the couch like this isn't very good for your (or his) back, but you don't want to move.

The next time your eyes open, some late night game show plays, disturbing your sleep with loud music. The clock on the wall reads some time past two. It's hard to read the minute hand. You gently shake Gojo awake. One of his eyes cracks open and he lets out a soft “hm?”

“Come to bed,” you say, your arms wrapping around his neck, “it's late.”

His eyes close, and for a moment you think he’s drifted back off to sleep, when his grip around you tightens, and he’s rolling over on top of you.

“I think I’ll stay here with you, mochi,” he says, planting a wet kiss to your neck. The feeling of his lips on your neck makes you shiver.

And though he doesn't move, there's a look in his eyes that tells you he has something planned. You only notice too late that his grip never loosens, and the mischievous glint to his eyes. You couldn't wiggle out of it if you wanted to. You're effectively trapped.

He litters your neck with kisses, sending you into a giggling fit, and he doesn't stop until you’re begging him to. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes from laughing. Your nails dig into your palms so hard they leave little crescent-shaped indents.

When you finally settle down, he’s pulling you into his arms bridal style, heading for your shared room. The bed is still unmade from this morning. Neither of you bothered to put it away. You were busy, and the thought slipped your mind.

Gojo shoves the covers aside, pulling you to lay on his chest. His fingers gently trace up the curve of your spine as he watches the steady rise and fall of your chest. Goosebumps prickle your exposed skin. He’s careful with how he touches you, loving, and soft. It's like he’s trying to memorize every inch of your body. His heartbeat is audible. Steady, and quet, acting as a lullaby. Your eyes shut, but you’re still awake. The intimacy of the moment doesn't go over your head.

He thinks he could die happy at this moment. Any moment, with you, really. Even during fights, or nights where he doesn't come home until long after you’ve fallen asleep, and you’re left irritated with his lack of time. As long as you’re by his side, he’s content.

He doesn't give much to the thought of settling down. His work will never let him. Neither does he think much about having any biological children. You practically have two already. Settling down isn't really an option for the strongest. This is the closest he’ll get to it.

For now, he just thinks about the park, and the blue sundress you always wear when you go.

Not many people can say they’ve changed who Satoru Gojo is as a person—let alone for the better—but you’ve changed him twice. Once in your meeting behind the school, and once again tonight. He’s found the one.

The first debt is always the hardest to pay back. But you've paid it in full.

[the-cult-of-russo]

Biggest regret (part 3)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

A/N: So many of you guys love this story and I love it. Thank you guys 😊

So this one really went off on a tangent and it's longer than I thought. But I didn't wanna rush this and I'm enjoying this story. So he doesn't meet his kid yet, that's in the next part that I'm writing right now. Then there will be another part that I've got in mind too.

Warnings: cursing, angst, sadness, fluff kinda, emotional Billy.

-----------

Delilah cooed happily where she was perched in a little rocker seat. It was vibrant pinks and yellows with a bar along the top and little stuffed animal shapes dangling off it that she swatted with her chubby hands. 

You were cleaning. Stress cleaning to be precise. Ever since you got that letter from Billy you'd felt out of sorts. You really hadn't expected it. You'd spent the better half of the start of your pregnancy thinking he'd come to his senses. That he'd turn up and say sorry or even call or text. But by the end of the pregnancy you realised you'd asked too much of him. That maybe you didn't know him as well as you thought. 

It had been a bitter pill to swallow having him just walk out of your lives like that. Your pregnancy hadn't been easy by any means and that only made it harder. You had no family, no real friends. You'd been completely alone. Every time you ended up at hospital the nurses took pity on you. Seeing you so sick with no visitors or help. It had been hard. 

Since Delilah could return home, one of your neighbours in your complex had taken to helping you. Louise was a woman in her 60s and before now you'd only ever seen her in passing with a murmured hello. But seeing you struggle as a single mother, she'd taken you under her wing and helped you immensely. 

You had to work from home since you had the baby. The time off with unpaid maternity leave when she was born and was sick had set you back quite a bit and now you were struggling. You'd had to leave your job since there was no way you could do it from home and you didn't have child care or the money to do it. And honestly, after having Delilah, the overwhelming urge to keep her safe was shocking. You didn't really want to leave her with someone you didn't know. It had been hard for you to agree to it with Louise who would occasionally have her for an hour or two so you could catch a break. And she was literally only next door which eased your mind a little. 

Now you were doing proofreading and transcription work from home and it didn't exactly pay great. You got by though and you made do with what you had. You just didn't expect things to go this way. You still remember when you found out you were pregnant and told Billy. It had been a huge shock to you and despite the nagging feeling that this was how it would end, you stupidly hoped it would be different. 

~

You sat on the bed, the test in your hands as the two pink lines glared at you. You were pregnant. You had a baby in your belly. You felt like you couldn't breathe. You and Billy weren't even super serious. There were feelings involved but neither of you mentioned it. Opting instead to pretend they weren't there. You were scared if you told him you loved him that he'd run for the hills and he was scared of feeling anything at all. 

You'd been 'together' for nearly two years. You weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend, there were no labels slapped on you both. But everyone knew you were his and he was yours and it worked just fine. But now there was a baby. Now things got serious way quicker than you expected and you were terrified. 

You weren't ready to be a mom. You'd never put much thought into having kids and you didn't know how to be a mother. You'd have a tiny human that depended on you to keep them safe and loved. How the fuck would you manage that? And then there was Billy. You'd have to tell him and you felt sick with worry about how he would react. 

You knew about his childhood, you knew pretty much everything about each other. He'd never known love as a child and you hoped that would mean it would force him to want to be there and be a good dad. But you knew him well enough to have the worry that it would have the opposite effect and he'd freak out. 

He'd been at work and you'd been at his place. You didn't live with him, you still had your own place. But you stayed there most nights or he would be at yours. You never spent a night away from each other. 

You heard the front door open and close and you felt a wave of dread settle over you. Like an ice cold blanket snaking around your entire body as it squeezed. You had to tell him. You had to hope he would be okay with this. You knew you'd keep the baby regardless. Despite only knowing for literal minutes, you cared about this baby. This baby was a piece of you and a piece of Billy. There was no way you couldn't keep them.

"Hey, sweetheart! I'm home!" You heard him call from the living room. You swallowed thickly as you stood on shaky legs, stuffing the test in the pocket of your hoodie. You made your way to the living room as he shucked off his jacket. He looked handsome as always and he flashed you a warm smile when he saw you. But it fell when he took in your anxiety induced state.

"What's wrong?" He asked carefully, black eyes scanning over you like he was checking if you were hurt. Your throat tightened as you felt your eyes prickle and you willed the tears away. 

"Uh… you should sit down. We need to talk," you murmured softly. He frowned, tilting his head as he regarded you.

"Sounds ominous," he replied dryly. He complied though and moved to sit on the sofa. You opted to stay standing near the coffee table.

Your whole body felt like it was shaking and you felt in your bones that this was the moment where everything would change. Either for better or worse, but change was coming and it hurt your heart. You needed to just tell him, get it over with. You inhaled a shaky breath as you looked at him. His face was etched in concern and he was patient with you, watching all the emotions pass over your face.

"I'm pregnant," you blurted, grabbing the test from your pocket and handing it to him. His eyes almost popped out of his head and he grabbed the test, staring at it. You couldn't get a good read on his face other than the surprise and you didn't like that. He was staring at it hard and you knew he was deep in thought. That cold dread came back and sunk its claws into you. 

Suddenly, he tossed the test on the coffee table, springing out of his seat and moving around to the back of the couch like he wanted to get far away from you.

"No," he frowned. You blinked dumbly at him for a moment as your eyes burned.

"No?" You asked softly. His dark eyes pinned you in place then. For a brief moment you saw utter pain and complete panic, eyes glassy with unshed tears. But then all emotion left his face, left his eyes, and it felt like a punch to the gut. You'd seen that look on his face before but never directed at you. 

"I'm not… I can't do this. I don't want a kid," he said coldly. The lump in your throat got bigger as you nodded. What else could you say? You could cry and scream and fight but what was the use? Part of you expected this although you hoped for something else. You couldn't force him to stick around. If he wanted out then you had no choice but to let him. 

You felt tears slip down your face as you glared at the floor, lower lip quivering. You couldn't look at him. The pain you felt was unbearable. Pain for yourself for losing him, pain at how cold he was being, and pain for your baby for having a dad that didn't want them. Did Billy even realise he was continuing the cycle of his own upbringing? 

You felt his eyes burning into you but you couldn't look. You had so many things you wanted to say but they all caught on the lump in your throat. Without a word, he grabbed his jacket and left, slamming his door behind him so loud you jumped. You sobbed then, moving to curl up on the sofa as you let it all out. He was gone. You'd have to do this all alone and you missed him already despite him leaving you like this. 

You were unsure of how long you lay on his sofa sobbing your heart out until your phone chimed with a message. Stupidly you thought it was Billy saying sorry. It was Billy, but he definitely wasn't apologising.

'I'll be back in two hours. Pack all your shit and be gone before I get home. Don't contact me again.' 

You felt a surge of anger and bitterness seep into you then. You thought he'd cared. Never had he told you how he felt about you but he acted like he cared. Introduced you to the Castle's, his family. But clearly you were wrong. His message was loud and clear. You didn't respond, there was no need. He wanted to never hear from you again and that was fine. You packed anything of yours and left within an hour, your heart heavy with pain, hurt and anger. 

~

When you got his letter, at first you were angry. You wanted to be petty. Wanted to ignore it or send him one back telling him to go fuck himself. But you'd looked at your daughter then with her sweet smile and her dad's eyes and you couldn't. Because despite what he'd done, she deserved her dad. 

You hadn't responded to the letter right away. Two weeks you kept reading it and coming to terms with all the emotions it brought you. You knew you still cared about him even after what he'd done. You couldn't help it. But his letter sounded so sincere and the self loathing in his words tugged at your heart. He'd fucked up big time, but he was trying to fix it. Billy was a proud man and you knew it took him a lot to reach out to you. You wanted Delilah to get to know her dad and wanted her to have a relationship with him. 

You had a lot to work through and you and Billy would need some serious talks to be able to co-parent properly, but you'd do it for Delilah. There wasn't a thing in the world you wouldn't do for that girl. 

So you'd replied and now you've been waiting for his call. You were full of nerves and you could taste the emotions lingering from the day he left in the back of your throat. You felt like you were in some kind of limbo. 

After stress cleaning for a bit and looking after Delilah, you sat on the sofa with the TV on low as she snoozed in her little seat. You felt lucky she was such a chill baby. The pregnancy and birth had been harder to deal with and you thought having her would be difficult but it hadn't been that hard for you. Louise kept telling you that you had natural maternal instincts and that you'd picked it up easily. 

You tried to pay attention to the screen when your phone buzzed from your pocket. Your heart skipped a beat as you got it out. It was a number you didn't recognise and your breath started coming in shorter because you knew just who it would be.

"Hello?" Your voice shook a little as you answered and you heard a soft sigh on the other end. 

"Hey, Y/N, it's Billy," his voice was smooth like always but it sounded off. A little raw. 

"You got my letter then," you murmured. You rolled your eyes at yourself for stating the obvious but you didn't know what else to say. Never had it been so stilted and awkward to talk to Billy. 

"Yeah… and I know you asked me to really think about it, so I did. And I wanna be there. I'd like to… I'd like to meet her if I can," he sounded apprehensive and you wondered if he thought that you'd reject him even after telling him in the letter you wanted them to meet. 

"Okay… I'd like to meet up with you first. We have a lot to talk about that needs dealing with before you meet her," you said firmly. This you wouldn't budge on. There was a lot of unresolved tension and feelings around you both and one quick meeting with him wouldn't fix that, but you wanted to clear some air before he came to meet Delilah so it wasn't completely tense. You also wanted to make sure he really was 100% with this or you wouldn't allow it to happen. You wouldn't let her get hurt. 

"Yeah, I'll do… anything you need. Whatever you want," he answered quickly. You nodded even though he couldn't see it, happy that he wasn't fighting you on it. He seemed like he genuinely wanted to take this seriously which was good.

"Right… uh… I can… I can meet you today. The diner down the street from my place? About 6pm?" You asked softly. You heard him sniffle a bit down the phone and you started to wonder if he'd come up with an excuse about work. You knew he worked late a lot. 

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll be there," he said resolutely. This was a good start already.

"I'll see you then, bye Billy," you murmured. 

"Bye, Y/N," he replied softly. You hung up and blew out a breath, your shaking hands gripping your phone. You hadn't heard his voice in over a year and it had your heart hammering away against your ribcage. You still loved him but the love was tainted with pain and betrayal. You'd have to stuff it down for the sake of your daughter. 

You didn't bother to change out of your jeans, boots, tee and hoodie and after asking Louise if she could look after Delilah for a bit, you set off out. You'd told Louise everything. She already knew what happened with Billy and you'd even let her read his letter. While she wasn't happy he'd walked away in the first place, she was happy he was trying to step up now. You were glad she was supporting you with this. 

You got to the diner five minutes early and fully expected to have to wait. But when you got inside, Billy was already sitting in a booth. He looked shit scared and his fingers drummed on the table restlessly. As you approached, his head snapped up. So many emotions crossed his face as he looked at you that you couldn't keep up with them. But when it settled on heartbreak you felt your own squeeze painfully in your chest. 

He stood up as you got to the table and there was an awkward moment where you both looked at each other. He looked tired. He had dark rings around his eyes and his usually perfect hair was a little dishevelled. He had on casual clothes and his leather jacket. He took a step closer like he was going to hug you and you stepped back without thinking. His face fell a little and he nodded, the movement stiff but he seemed to understand you weren't ready for it. 

He moved to sit down and you sat opposite him. It was so tense you could cut the air with a knife and you didn't even know where to start. The waitress came over then and gave you both a bright smile and you both ordered coffee. Once she was gone the tense atmosphere was back.

"I'm sorry," Billy muttered brokenly. Your eyes looked up at him then and he was staring at you with shiny eyes. Your throat constricted and you cleared it.

"Billy-" you started with a frown. He cut you off though.

"I know… I know I'm the biggest asshole out there. I don't deserve you sittin' here or givin' me a chance. But I want you to know that… I thought about you and the baby… Delilah… every damn day. And I-I hated myself for walkin' away. And I can't take back what did, but I can be better. I want to be better. And I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry I left. But I'm serious when I say I wanna be here. You said I'm in or out and I want in. And I swear, I fuckin' swear that I'll prove to you I'm a better man," he said imploringly, leaning his forearms on the table as he watched you. 

You blinked at him, collecting your emotions as the waitress came over with the coffees. She didn't linger, sensing the heaviness of whatever was happening in your booth. 

"I'm glad you're here, Billy. And it's gonna take work for us to… to be okay around each other. But Delilah is the focus here and you deserve to have a relationship with her. You're her dad," you said softly. He sneered, not at you but himself, as he shook his head.

"No… no I'm not. I haven't been there. Sure she's mine, my DNA, my blood, but… I walked out. I left you, I left her and you both needed me. I'm not a dad, not yet. But I'll do whatever it takes to show you I'm worthy of bein' her dad," his voice shook yet was also firm and you knew in your heart he meant his words. It settled you a bit to know he really was serious about this. 

"I'll be honest… part of me expected to come here and you wouldn't be ready. That you were talking shit for whatever reason. But I believe you. I wish it hadn't taken this long but I'm glad you're here now, Billy. It's been… so fucking hard doing this alone," your hands were around your cup and you stared at them as you spoke, your voice quiet among the light buzz in the diner. 

You heard his breathing hitch and looked at him again. His fists were clenched and his head was lowered which made it hard to read his face. His whole body was tense and you were about to open your mouth to ask if he was okay when you noticed his shoulders shaking slightly. Oh. 

He sucked in a breath as a broken sob left his lips and it ripped a hole right through your chest. Now matter what he'd done, seeing him this way was jarring. You'd seen many sides to Mr Billy Russo and you'd even seen him cry before. But he looked so worn down and broken and it hurt you even if it was his own fault. 

His elbows resting on the table, he brought his hands up and rested his head on them as he openly sobbed. You never thought you'd see the day that Lieutenant Russo cried in a public space but he seemed beyond caring. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you stood and moved to his side. You slid into the booth next to him as your own eyes welled up and you reached out a shaky hand to stroke the back of his neck. He tensed at first like he hadn't even noticed you'd moved which was startling given how perceptive he was about everything around him. But then he relaxed and moved his face from his hands and turned to look at you. Tears were streaming down his face and he looked younger and vulnerable. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck and he didn't hesitate to bury his face in your neck as his own arms held you tightly. You stroked his hair softly, trying to soothe him a little. You couldn't help it. Maybe it was that maternal instinct that always hated when someone was upset around you or maybe it was just the fact that no matter what happened, you did still care.

"It's okay, Billy," you whispered through your own tears. He shook his head where it was still pressed against your now damp neck.

"No it's not. I fucked up. I shoulda been there," his voice was muffled and broken with his soft sobs that were slowly easing and you held him a little tighter. 

"You did fuck up but you're here now and that's what matters," you murmured. You pulled away and he let you go reluctantly as he sniffled and looked down. You reached up and wiped his cheeks with your hoodie sleeves and then he looked at you. 

"We can't change the past, Billy. Yeah, you messed up, and yeah it hurt me. But you already missed out on so much and that's a punishment in itself. Things aren't gonna be easy and it'll take time for us to heal, but you're here now and Delilah needs you. That's what matters," you uttered, hands falling from his face. 

He sniffled again as he nodded, his obsidian gaze searching your face like he was looking for something. 

"I don't… I don't have the words because thank you doesn't even come close. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you helpin' me out and I don't deserve Delilah. I didn't really think I'd hear from you and now here you are, fuckin' comforting me in a diner when it should be the other way around," he lamented with a frown. 

"I don't like seeing you cry," you shrugged with a weak smile as your hands toyed with the sleeves of your hoodie. He gave you a small smile back as he nodded. A silence settled over you both then and it was slightly awkward. You knew he was probably embarrassed and also still beating himself up. Once upon a time you'd be glad to know how hard he was being on himself over this. But seeing him like this was painful. 

There were still a lot of things to sort through with the pair of you but they weren't the priority. The first and most important thing was him establishing a relationship with his daughter. You figured in time things would get easier with him and he seemed dead set on being here now. And you could see the genuine remorse for walking away so you knew he was serious. 

"I should go. But uh…" you murmured as you stood from the booth, Billy following suit. 

"You can… you can meet her tomorrow if you'd like? I could… I don't know, make dinner for us all? You could come by my place and meet her before dinner?" You suggested, voice laced with uncertainty. His face lit up then even with his slightly damp cheeks and shiny eyes. His smile was bright even if it was hesitant. 

"I'd really like that," he nodded as he gazed down at you. 

"Okay… good. Uh… come by around 5?" It still felt awkward between you and you hated it. It used to be so easy between the two of you. 

 "I will… thank you, Y/N," he murmured sincerely. You nodded and gave him a little smile. He stepped forward and this time you didn't step back. The hug didn't last long but it took you back to a time when things were good with the pair of you. Where you felt safe in his strong arms surrounded by his calming scent. It sent a pang through your chest. You hugged him back before he moved away and you gave him another nod before you left. 

By the time you were walking in your complex you had tears down your cheeks. It had been hard to see him after everything. Hard to see him such a mess too. You had that feeling, the same one you did the day you found out you were pregnant. That things were changing, this was a turning point. Only this time it was a good one. 

It was hard to wrap your head around after all this time that he'd be there. Of course there would be a period of adjustment where he got to know his daughter, but eventually he'd be parenting just like you. It was a strange feeling to comprehend that you wouldn't be alone in this anymore. 

Seeing him and speaking to him, it had eased some of the bitterness that you'd held for him. Not completely but quite a bit. You couldn't hold onto the anger and pain of the past, not when Delilah needed this. You'd never be able to go back and redo how things happened but you could close that chapter and start a new one. One where Billy was actually around and your daughter had a dad. Despite the nerves for the dinner the next day, you were also a little excited and hopeful. 

[dancedance-resolution]

job update? went over the employee handbook they sent me

this is just me 🤨ing and complaining about their policies lol . also i might end up deleting this and all other posts that mention anything about jobs/labor in general? bc i might have to download an app for them (unsure if it’s required of my position since i’m not an appt only clinician type thing) and i’m nervous that like facebook it’ll mine all my data and shit and i don’t want my employer knowing how i feel about them

i’m not getting paid at all for a total of 40hrs of training (that’s $600 before taxes) . feels slightly illegal to me??? but knowing the state of usa labor laws probably not

they make me show up 35 mins early for every shift for a “daily huddle” and will discipline you if you don’t attend the daily huddle. but you don’t clock in to get paid until the start of your shift. so thats 3 hours of unpaid being at work every week (assuming i get 5 days a week) (which is $45 pre tax. which again feels illegal? but probably isn’t)

they’re allowed to adjust my shift by 1hr before or after at will with only 30min notice?? and it doesn’t count as overtime pay. so like i might find out at 6:30 that i have to come in at 7 instead of 8 for example.

bc my shift will never formally be longer than 6 hours, i will get zero (0) breaks or meals. (you claim you are a disability friendly workplace but i get zero breaks on a 6 hour shift, all of that time being spent in a room which you yourself admit is hot and humid as hell even in the winter.)

no paid leave, personal or medical. if i have to miss 2 days in a row, i have to have a dr’s note. (which i know is very custom for employers but again, bestie! you are as bad as archdiocese of baltimore catholic schools! and also it costs fucking MONEY to go to a dr and get a note so!!!)

this is less a complaint and more so something funny but. they spell out in the employee handbook that you have a wear a bra and be clean shaven if you’re a man 😭 which doesn’t really apply to me since i assume i’ll be wearing a bathing suit under my clothes which is like a quasi bra, but still this is a lame policy lol . ALSO! “care should be taken to ensure breath is fresh.” well i will be wearing a mask 24/7 (i hope you let me do that jesus i just now realized no employees were wearing a mask there so what if it’s not allowed…) so that doesn’t apply to me, but if it did, bestie i have severe chronic dry mouth. the only way my breath stays fresh for more than an hour or so is if you give me frequent breaks to use my anti dry mouth products. andyou already said no breaks so :))

they have a “don’t post shitty stuff bc it reflects poorly on the company” social media rule which makes me ever more grateful that i have no social media other than the hellsite which is not affiliated with my real name

they specify that you can’t bring meds to work?? even in a proper prescription bottle or whatever……bestie i have news for you. some of us take medication during the day. you cannot claim to be a disability friendly employer if you literally ban meds. (i think i’ll be able to get approval bc my manager seems nice but like :/ i was not planning on disclosing any health information to them bc i don’t want them to know i have to take meds at all, let alone day meds! sigh this also is a bit funky due to the no breaks policy). also the no meds rule is allegedly enforced by random locker checks so 🤔. also they call it a locker but we are not allowed to use a lock on it so 😂

i have to inform my manager first if my family will be attending the gym at any time……hey bestie my mom is a member of this gym and comes at irregular times and i’m not allowed to have my phone while on my shift so how am i supposed to know if she’s coming so i can (unnecessarily imo) alert you

they ban any socializing outside of the break room (which i will have no opportunity to use) ofc <3

they will not give you your tips unless they first verify that you have successfully completed your “side work” (which is extra work they give you in addition to the responsibilities associated with your job. you get side work every day btw). again this Feels Illegal bc isn’t withholding tips illegal? this doesn’t apply to me since i won’t receive tips but. Yeah

“distribution of literature is prohibited at all times and in all locations on the premises” nice job being subtle about not wanting us to unionize

they say i’m not allowed to be on the premises unless i am actively working but bestie?? you literally require me to be on the premises 35 mins before i can actively work and get paid for that work???

i have to give 6 hours notice before being late or absent to a shift or else disciplinary action is taken. once again: bestie you claim to be a disability friendly workplace, but you require 6 hours notice? that is not always possible bc my disabilities don’t always fuck me up the perfect 6 convenient hours before i have to work.

if i call out i have to find someone to replace me. which i know is common practice but like. oh my god literally you are the management isn’t this your job?

being late three (3) times a year is considered disciplinary action-worthy even if all 3 were excused lateness . LOLLL bestie if you saw my school attendance records you would have a heart attack. senior year i was late more days than i was on time . it’s called Having Serious And Barely Treated Disabilities.

if i need to be absent for 3+ days i need to take fmla. hello?? only 3 days???

“Frequent call out’s due to illness may require an employee to attend a mandatory health and wellness workshop to help the employee regain their understanding about the importance of taking care of themselves.” LOLOLOL bestie even one of the most well respected and accomplished specialist drs in the state cannot figure wtf is wrong with me regarding my physical disability so 😂 i’m sure your workshop will help though xoxo <3 (in all seriousness though, i’m glad they have an actually policy for this other than being fired. that’s kinda cool.)

anyways those are just some things that stood out to me while going over the handbook. maybe my 🤨 at them is just bc i haven’t had any work experience before, so maybe some of these policies are super common or even more lenient than most. but yeah. i’m excited for the job bc money and structure, but also deathly terrified that i am too disabled to be the type of employee they need me to be. and then there’s one less good reference when i apply to be a mailman 😔 so yeah. feeling funky

[iamanartichoke]

I started to reblog this post on my dash, but then I ended up writing a long ass reply bc apparently I care about the how shitty the school system in America is? Which was news to me, but regardless, by the time I finished I didn't want to reblog it anymore bc it had strayed from the point of the post and was mostly just me yelling into the void -

- but, I mean, I wrote it and everything and now I have to do something with it, so, well, have a random brain dump about the US school system.

This isn't even a fandom post, smh.

___

I mean, obligatory 'I used to be a K-12 teacher' and kids are fucking messy. Like. When I was a teacher, kids weren't allowed to eat in the classroom and I would still be pulling empty chip bags and candy wrappers and half-eaten dum-dums and drink bottles from kids' desks every single day. And the gum, my god. They really will stick that shit anywhere and everywhere. These were high schoolers, not kindergarteners. I can't imagine what it would be like if eating was allowed.

So, I mean, "no eating/drinking in class" is a reasonable rule.

I get the spirit of the OP and absolutely agree with it, btw. Kids aren't animals and aren't robots, either, and the strictest teachers take reasonable rules and use them to be power-tripping assholes to kids and that's not okay.

I just think that "kids should be allowed to eat/drink in class" isn't exactly the conversation we need to be having here because it's not the real issue. The conversation we need to be having is, why does the structure of our school system lend itself so easily to reasonable rules being unreasonably enforced?

For example, why is the kid hungry in the first place? Bc their day is ridiculously long; the first bell was at 7:30am and they had a slice of pizza for lunch at 10am and the day isn't over until 3:30pm. That's an eight-hour day; an adult on an eight-hour shift gets two 15 minute breaks and a 30 minute break for lunch (assuming their work place follows the law, which is another conversation). Kids get 25 minutes, 15 of which are spent standing in the food line, and 4 minutes between classes, all of which are spent getting from one class to the next without being penalized for walking in late. Bathroom? Good luck. Snack break? Pfft.

And the power-tripping teacher who treats that hungry kid like an animal by refusing to let them go to the bathroom or eat a snack? Here's a not-so-secret from the inside: teachers who are in it for love of the profession are rare. Most of them feel powerless against admin, parents, the school board, the state. They can't even create their own curriculum anymore bc it's all "collaborative" and "meeting the standards" and all that matters are test scores and the test scores are skewed data that doesn't actually matter and the teachers know that but they can't do anything about it. The pay is abysmal, the benefits might as well be nonexistent, the unpaid work builds and builds, and there's never any pencils. The kids are the only people they have any say over, and they abuse that power in order to feel important bc their jobs fucking suck and when you're a teacher, 80% of your life is spent on your job, so your life probably fucking sucks, too.

All of which is to say, teachers shouldn't be treating kids like animals or robots, but kids shouldn't be hungry in class in the first place. The structure of the school day needs a complete overhaul to allow for flexibility and meeting the needs of growing human beings.

And in order for that to happen, the entire system needs to be redesigned. Teacher pay needs a huge increase in order to attract people who love the profession but also want to make a comfortable living. The budget needs to be redone so teachers aren't constantly paying for materials and classroom decor with their own money. The curriculum and the standards need to be re-evaluated. Standardized testing needs to cease to exist. Teachers need to be allowed to be creative and fluid in their lesson plans; they need to be allowed to teach things that matter. Get rid of those shitty ass desks and chairs and invest in something less permanently damaging to one's joints and posture. Get some more fucking windows in those god-awful buildings.

"Teachers should let kids eat/drink in class" is a solution to the illusion of the problem. The rule is a symptom of the overall broken design. So how do we fix that?

[fettl3]

would love to hear abt art school camp if you’d wanna share

Ummmmm yah. This will be long.

I have a LOT of thoughts & feelings that I’m still processing. And a lot of it feels unsafe to share tbh. Like I’m confined to not go against this system that I’m participating in… this is my “community” (aka access to success as an artist) so I do feel restricted in what I can share honestly about this particular school…. But also whatever lol this is tumblr after all

I can say that I spent 2 weeks at an art summer camp as a TA for a ceramics class. The class was 9am to 5pm every day (no days off). And my position was unpaid. So there’s a lot there. I did it mostly because I love my friend very much (she was the teacher of the class) and she really needed my help. Also because I wouldn’t ever have access to this school by route of paying for a class bc they’re like $6k. But still, an 8 hour work day for 14 consecutive days unpaid is… fucking insane.

Additionally, I have long term friends that were on staff, so my stay was complicated by insight into the inner workings of this organization. To say the least it’s a shit show. Completely dysfunctional at the level of handling conflict. Pay disparity was also a big issue. It’s definitely not an org I would ever consider working for in a serious way, regardless of the access & resources it offers…

These are all things I knew going into it. The camp itself is kind of constructed to be an “experience” for students. A “site of experimental behavior,” as my friend put it. I can see why people fall in love with it. It’s really cool and unique to be isolated with a group of invested artists, to be submerged into craft and also to be “free” within the parameters of the land. There are healthy meals served 3 times a day. No locks on doors, no need. There was programming every night: artist talks, performances, karaoke & 2 huge dance parties. There is lots of sites for conversation & so many good convos to have. Each specialized studio has unique & impressive facilities in addition to hang out zones (fire pits patios etc). The land is beautiful, left rustic, and located on a lagoon you can kayak out in. Some of my students called it utopia. I think that’s what we (staff) were attempting to facilitate for them. & honestly I do feel good that it seemed most of my students had this experience. Makes me feel like I did my job well :)

However, my experience does not reflect the experience of the students… AT ALL. I found being there to be like… like being eaten alive maybe.

The work felt like it was 24/7. Living in community with my students is something I would never like to do again. Also I learned that I hate teaching this demographic. My students ranged from 20-36 years old. The ones in their early 20s latched on to me so fucking intensely. I understand why of course: they were trying to peak into their future, into what the world might hold for them, how to make it as an artist etc. But also the fucking relentless flirting, the attention, the lack of privacy or alone time, it seriously felt like I was being ripped apart to be eaten. On the nights where we all got wasted dancing I found myself as a caretaker for these kids (who are only a couple years younger than me) and just honestly like I couldn’t fully relax ever. They were coming to me for answers, they wanted me to tell them who they are supposed to be. It was A Lot.

It was also pretty triggering for me to be immersed again in community that was heavily affiliated with the university I use to go to. I was forced to drop out and although I have moved past this & moved on & up in my life… I’m still hurt. It was hard to be working (for free!!) for people who ultimately are more privileged than me. It was hard to contend again with the fact that privileged people are still whole people, that whiteness & wealth is just as harmful & confusing to them as it is to us. These last few years I’ve really been intentional about who I keep around me, who I work for, what I’m doing in the world. I align myself with very specific communities. I live firmly & uncompromisingly by my principals. Participating again in this type of community felt for me like a major spiritual step backwards, while also being a major step up in a career & artistic way. It was just fucking intense dude!!!! It was complicated as fuck!!!!

I won’t get too into it rn but there are like deeper connecting thoughts I have that I’m still sifting through. Very present on my mind while I was there were concepts I learned in The Delectable Negro by Vincent Woodard. I couldn’t stop thinking about Nat Turner, about his head being passed down like an heirloom. I had bad dreams & panic attacks every night, with visions of this abstract bone/clam like shape. Every day there somebody new connected with me, we showed each other our soul & then moved on to do it with another person. I thought about what it means to be in a community where there is no police, but where certain behaviors mean immediate banishment. What it means to have a community that refuses to acknowledge basic forms of human interaction, like violence. What it means to set strict, rigid expectations of how each person aught to act, or believe in, then profess diversity & free thought. What it means to omit the true, sometimes ugly, diversity of reality.

Paired with a well researched & lived-in understanding of class/race struggle… idk. Being there felt ummmm horrible lol. Absolutely relentlessly horrible. & I held the weight of that feeling for so many people: for each of my students, for my friends on staff. But nobody was able to hold me. My support network back in the city couldn’t see beyond the privilege & fun of me being there. Or they were just dealing with their own shit. When I came back into the city I felt empty totally empty & i had 2 massive breakdowns. It was very much like past experiences right after a trauma. The response I’m experiencing in my body does not logically match the conditions of being at that school, so it feels like I can’t ask anybody for support. But. Idk that’s just the truth of it. Thanks for reading.

[prorevenge]

Fired? Are you sure? OK.

Note 1: This story was told to me by a friend and is about her father. I won't be able to answer many follow up questions. It takes place around 2005. I believe the story to be true, but can't verify it, of course.

Note 2: This happens in Sweden, where there's no at-will employment. Once an employee is past the initial 6 month probation period, you can't fire them without a cause, which also requires an established paper trail.

Note 3: I am not a native English speaker, and professional terms may be wrong. I'm happy to take any corrections.

So, my friend's father (since retired) was a mechanical engineer. He was around 55 when this happened and VERY experienced in his field. In fact, he had some skill sets that were close to unique t the extent that you might be able to replicate them, but at extreme costs - we're talking multiple people from multiple companies from multiple countries taking weeks if not months to get up to speed with specific projects to do the same things.

He was also a no bullshit kind of guy who did his job, did it well but also pointed out problems and expected others to point out problems to him. He was extremely solution-oriented and had no time for office politics or "keeping a positive attitude" at work. Basically, your every day grumpy older engineer who really knew his thing and always ready to help if you asked, but not very forthcoming in team building exercises and so on.

He also ran his own business on the side, doing minor projects and so on. As was required by his employer, he had reported this and was sure to not cause any conflicts of interests, so his employer knew and accepted this.

He was considered a valuable employee and got several awards (that he cared little for, but anyway) during his many years with this employer. By all accounts, they paid him well, respected his knowledge and accomodated his style and he returned the favour by working very hard and making sure to mentor younger and newly employed engineers to make them effective co-workers.

Then his firm was acquired by a larger firm, and a new management team installed. Initally, everyone was promised that things would remain the same, but with the new management came a new office culture. The new management pressured for unpaid overtime, for a more "American" corporate culture with cheering and clapping and so on. He considered it extremely cringe and refused to participate. His status as a long-standing and knowledgeable employee kept him safe for some time, before the new management realised that resistance to the new "culture" centered around him and started pressuring him to play along. When he did not, they turned increasingly hostile, realising that he held a lot of "soft power" in the company, having mentored a large percentage of the engineers and resistance to their leadership centering around him. They started ordering him to work overtime, he answered that he was on time with his projects and that if they had identified an emergency requiring overtime, they would have to bring it up with the union to negotiate the over-time and make sure it was an actual emergency - the contract with the union said no over-time unless in an emergency. They tried to force him to participate in the cheering and clapping by making it mandatory for him to attend and yelling at him to participate and he did but so unenthusiastically that the event turned even more cringe and people started laughing.

The workday turned more and more hostile, and he knew that things would come to head sooner or later. Being an expeienced engineer and knowing how to document things, he already had his ducks in a row.

Then it finally happened - they caught him answering an e-mail for his side business on his work laptop, brought him in and fired him on the spot for theft of company resources. He sat at the conference table and looked the three managers in their eyes, one after the other and asked.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

They all said yes.

"Are you REALLY sure you want to do this?"

He was escorted to his desk by security to leave his phone, his badge and his computer at the desk and then escorted out.

Once out of the building, he phoned his union representative, who immediately cancelled the firing, claiming there was no just cause, which meant that it would go to the labour board for arbitration. You see, the company had an IT policy that it was ok to use the company laptop for personal business, including a side business, as long as you were on a break and compliant with IT security protocols, and the company was aware of and had approved his side business. And he was on a break. Of course, he had his declaration of a side business (signed by his former manager) and the IT policy available and sent both to the union representative.

Then he called his lawyer and asked him to send the pre-prepared cease and desist on two patents he held - patents that were not that significant and nothing he could make any serious money out of since they were mostly for very specific things used by the solutions he designed and used at his employer's, but still his that he had brought with him into the employment and allowed the employer to use in exchange for a slightly higher pay (all duly documented in his contract, of course).

Then he went home for some vacation and tending his side business. He was always a man to prepare and had enough money saved up to last him for a good time, to the extent that he considered retiring entirely. My friend said he had two job offers from competitors that had looked to sniping him for some time within the week - basically as soons as they learned he was available. He was gracious, but declined, but offered them to consult with his side business, now that he had the time, which they eagerly accepted - at twice the hourly rate he had made at his earlier employer's.

His colleagues started ringing the day after for advice, since the projects he had managed could not go on without him, he was perfectly polite, but denied any information and help, saying he had left everything he had with management and to contact them, as he was no longer employed there. Several clients that phoned his private number were told the same thing. Since his private number was not on a public registry, he suspected that both colleagues and clients spent some time and/or money to find it.

It took two weeks before a manager phoned him and asked things. He politely declined to answer, got yelled at and replied with something like "I am sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone who works for you." and hung up.

This happened a few times, and the next week HR phoned him and stated the firing had been a mistake and he was welcome back to his job. He again politely declined, saying that he awaited the labour board's decision, but until then he was happy to consult for them. At six times his hourly pay (after taxes and adminstrative costs, of course). After a few days of wrangling and trying to negotiate, they had to accept. And then he sprung the patent issue on them, forcing them to pay for those too. Less than two and a half week after being fired he was back at his desk.

After roughly three months, the firing came to the labour board. The employer stated that they believed they had handled the issue correctly, but were still willing to offer my friend's father his position back, in the interest of "good will" and "reconciliation". My freind's father and the Union simply stated that he was now employed elsewhere (his own company) and no longer available. The labour board ruled in my friend's father's and the unions favour, and he got the normal damages - 3 months pay damage and 24 months pay severance package, including pension and of course the lawyer costs of the Union.

According to my friend, her father continued to work there until he retired, working 20 hours or so per week and 10-15 hours for other companies, making a pretty penny, continuing to charge them three times what he charged their competitors as an "asshole tax".

The managers were not fired, but they were moved into their own group apart from the rest of the department when it came to bonus calculations and the costs of her father's consultancy fees and the costs of the labour board arbitration were budgeted there, meaning they were constantly over budget and thus uneligeble for bonuses for several years, which was a decent percentage of the incentives at that company, making at least one of them quit.

My friend also said her father usually met any management complaints with a big shit-eating grin and "What are you going do? Fire me?" after that.

(source) story by (/u/vonadler)

[lyssismagical]

moments of gold and flashes of light

Parkner Week Day 3: “I am very small and I have no money.” / college au / no-powers au

(This is like a Rhodey/Tony!MIT Parkner AU)

(TW: Implied Child Abuse)

 Working at a café on the outskirts of a college campus meant good business, decent tips, and weird hours. A good job for Harley who needs to work weird hours to keep up with his classes, and he makes enough to afford essentials and to keep his head above water in the debt.

It also means he sees a lot of very tired students at those strange hours.

He gets an elbow in the ribs from his coworker, Cassie, who points across the café at an occupied table.

“An order?” Harley asks, forehead creasing. They don’t normally take orders from tables.

“No, we have a policy about sitting in here without ordering. I need you to ask him to either buy something or leave before our boss notices,” Cassie says. She glances down at her watch, frowning at the time. “There’s only a few hours until we’re done, anyways.”

Harley hates the policy. It makes sense why they have it, they’re going to lose a lot of business if the café is always full but nobody’s buying anything, but it doesn’t make it any easier to kick tired teenagers out in the middle of the night.

He sighs and lets Cassie take over the registers as he makes his way to the boy at the table, straightening his deep purple apron as he goes.

“Excuse me?” he says, wincing when his voice cracks.

The boy at the table’s head jerks up, eyes wide behind a thick pair of glasses. He looks young, younger than most people Harley sees coming into the café, but he’s hunched over a stack of textbooks and papers, what looks like a year three astrophysics textbook on top. There’s no way he’s old enough to be in his third year of university.

“Yeah?” the boy asks. He tips his head to the side in question, the light hitting his face and showing off the deep, dark bags under his eyes.

“We have a policy here, you have to buy something to stay.”

The boy winces, hands patting the pockets of his jeans. He pulls out an old wallet, faded Stark Industries logo on the back barely visible, and pops it open.

He rifles through the things in his wallet, dropping a few on the table including a library card, a Booster Juice loyalty card, and a Stark Industries ID. He finds a dollar bill, but otherwise comes up emptyhanded.

“Shit, sorry, I don’t have any money,” the boy says, eyes wide and glassy. He grabs his backpack from between his feet and starts going through the pockets, but they seem just as empty. “I’m so sorry, I guess I used the rest of my cash on rent, and I don’t- I’ll just pack up and head home, no worries-”

“You like coffee?” Harley blurts before he can stop himself. It’s not like he really has much leeway with his budget, but a couple dollars for an obviously stressed, very cute boy seems like a good investment. “I’ll cover it for you. Give me just a moment.”

As soon as he gets a confirming nod, he heads back to where Cassie’s working, and makes a quick coffee with extra caramel, and digs out his wallet to drop a few dollars in the register.

“You’re buying coffee for him?” she says, amused and shaking her head.

He shrugs, looking over his shoulder at where the boy is still watching him with his wide, doe eyes. “He had a third year astrophysics textbook. I felt bad.”

Cassie laughs, rolling her eyes at him. “The store’s pretty quiet anyways. You should make yourself one too, and take a fifteen.”

Harley’s not about to pass up that opportunity, so he moves quickly to make himself a matching coffee, and then he heads back over to the boy.

“Mind if I sit?” he asks, sliding one of the coffees over to the boy. “I’m in my second year at MIT, so maybe I could lend you a hand? Or at least be a nice distraction?”

The boy smiles, nodding and gesturing to the chair opposite him. “I’m Peter Parker. Third year at MIT.”

“You seem… young.”

Peter laughs, fingers curling around his coffee with a pleased hum. “Yeah, I’m eighteen. Graduated high school at fourteen, started here at fifteen.”

Harley’s jaw drops open in surprise. He’s nineteen, and in the year below Peter. It’s a bit of a shock. “You’re graduating university at nineteen? Isn’t that a bit scary?”

“I’ve got a job lined up at Stark Industries in New York. I’ve been an unpaid intern every summer for four years, so it’s not as scary as you’d think.” He looks down at his homework, textbooks and binders and loose papers, and frowns. “Stressful, for sure. But scary, not so much.”

As much as he wants to comment on a lot of that, especially about how he’s apparently been interning for SI since he was thirteen, he doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries and he doesn’t have a lot of break left.

He sips at his drink, listening intently as Peter starts rambling about how annoying one of his profs had been the other day, the reason he’s up all night studying at the café. Peter’s pretty, especially when he gets passionate about something, eyes lighting up behind his thick frames, blush high on his cheeks, hands gesturing vaguely. Harley hasn’t made many friends since he left Tennessee, only Cassie and Kate from an off-campus extra-curricular. Peter seems like the kind of person Harley would really enjoy being friends with.

“Harley!” Cassie calls out, much too soon for his liking. “Your fifteen’s up.”

Peter frowns noticeably, finishing off his coffee. “I’ll probably stick around for a bit, if that’s alright?”

“Yeah, of course. And come back whenever, yeah?”

“I’m sure I’ll be back in no time, in need of quiet and caffeine.”

* Turns out, Peter’s not lying. He starts showing up every Thursday night and every few Wednesdays like clockwork, always with his old backpack filled with books and binders, and always with enough for a coffee to make sure he can stay.

Whenever Harley takes his fifteen, he spends it at Peter’s table, sitting across from him and chatting about anything and everything. They trade numbers after three weeks, texting every so often whenever they’ve got the chance. It’s nice to have finally made a friend outside of Gwen and Kate. (Especially a friend as kind and pretty and genius as Peter Parker.)

“Everything okay?” Harley can’t help but ask when Peter shows up, nearly two months after meeting.

Peter’s the same as he always is, backpack slung over one shoulder making his posture lopsided, eyes wide behind his pair of thick glasses, hands shoved into the pocket of his oversized MIT sweater, buying a coffee with extra caramel. Except his eyes are red-rimmed and his voice is thick and scratchy like he’d been crying.

Peter shrugs, shoulders hunched up around his ears. “Not really. When do you take your fifteen?”

“He’s taking it right now,” Cassie buts in, elbowing Harley in the ribs. She’s already got Peter’s coffee ready, sitting on the counter, and she’s pouring a second for him. “Take your thirty, I’ll cover for you.”

Harley won’t argue with that, wanting to comfort his new friend. He links their arms together and heads for one of the booths in the far corner instead of their usual table, worry squeezing his chest. It’s only been two months but he cares about Peter a lot. More than he thought possible.

“It’s stupid,” Peter says, but he clutches his drink close to his chest, eyes watery and hands trembling. “My parents want me home for Winter Break.”

“So?”

Harley would kill to be able to afford a flight home to Tennessee for Winter Break. He has to save up all year just to afford making it home for the summer, winter and spring breaks have to be spent on campus or with Gwen who has an apartment in the city. He misses his mom and sister like crazy when he’s away for so long.

Peter scoffs, glassy eyes rolling. “They suck. I’m sure you’ve heard of Richard and Mary Parker before. Yeah, they’re not about to get Parent of the Year awards.”

“Why not?” Harley asks. He certainly knows the two of them, they’re famous scientists, alumni from MIT as well. It’s hard not to know them. “If you don’t mind me asking, of course.”

“They don’t care, they never did. Most of my childhood was spent with nannies or babysitters while they were out for business or other things they wouldn’t tell me about. The only time they ever cared was when they were telling me off for blemishing their reputation, or to tell me I needed to work harder if I was ever going to be allowed to get their company.”

Harley frowns, trying to empathize with his pain. He’s never been in a situation like that. In Rose Hill, you could get away with doing pretty much anything, nobody had reputations at stake, consequences were few and far between. Harley once landed himself in jail for a stupid night with people who weren’t really friends. Nobody cared, Harley even became pretty good friends with one of the officers who arrested him. His mom didn’t even have to pay to get him out.

“That really sucks, I’m sorry,” Harley says.

Peter shrugs again, chewing on his bottom lip. “I got a B on a test in astrophysics a month ago.”

“I remember.”

“They’re going to kill me for that. A B is essentially an F in my house. To them, I failed.”

Harley’s frown deepens and he reaches across the table to grab Peter’s hand. “You studied so hard for that test, you were sleep-deprived and upset because of that argument with your roommate. That wasn’t your fault. And either way, a B’s still a good grade.”

“Not to my parents, it’s not.”

“Why does their opinion matter? You’re an adult, they don’t have to control you anymore.”

Peter lets out a humorless laugh, eyebrows furrowing as he tries not to cry. “I don’t have a choice. I have to go home for the holidays and I have to take over their company and I have to do what they tell me to do. They control my money, they pay for my tuition, they’re all I’ve got. I don’t have anything else.”

“I’m sorry,” Harley says again, he doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to say, doesn’t know how to make this any easier for him. “Well, if you need anything, feel free to call. I’ll be here all Winter, so I’ll be available to talk if you need to.”

“Thank you.” Peter’s voice breaks and he doesn’t catch the tear in time for Harley not to see it. “I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. It probably looks like it, but I’m not just using you for coffee.”

Harley smiles, squeezing Peter’s hand. “And I promise I’m not using you for answers to future tests. You may be a genius, but I’m not a cheater.”

“Good because I have a proposition. I only leave on Saturday, and I need an extra set of hands to pack up my dorm room? My roommates already gone, so it’ll just be us and we could watch some movies afterwards? If not, don’t worry about it-”

Harley grins, finishing off his coffee. “I’d love to. Tomorrow afternoon? I have the day off work, but I’ve got a class until two, so I’ll come over after that?”

“Sounds perfect.”

* “I’m going to miss you,” Harley says, watching Peter make a little pile of the bags they’d packed the night before from his bed. Peter’s got a mid-afternoon flight, so he needs to be out by noon. “That’s three Thursday nights without you at the café.”

Peter smiles softly, turning from where he’d set down his backpack at the door. “I’m going to miss you too. Three weeks and I’ll be back to bothering you all the time.”

Despite knowing it’s a joke, Harley rolls his eyes. “You’re never a bother.”

“I’ll call you? I live out in California, so I’ll try to remember the time zone differences, but don’t hate me if I accidentally call you in the middle of the night.”

Harley turns his head into the pillow, smiling dopily at Peter. “I told you, call me whenever. I want to hear all the gossip about your stupid parents.”

“Well there will be plenty of gossip, so be careful what you wish for.”

There’s a pause as the reality of everything sets in. Three weeks without each other after only two months together seems unfair. Harley’s going to miss Peter a lot. He’s been ignoring the crush that’s been festering over the past couple weeks especially. He doesn’t want to hurt their very new, budding friendship, especially not when Peter’s under so much stress as is, but last night, watching movies on Peter’s bed together on his laptop, it really solidified the crush.

“I should get going,” Peter says miserably. He slings his backpack over his shoulder again, glasses askew on his nose, dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes, hands shaking.

“You want me to drop you off instead of taking a cab? I wouldn’t mind driving. We probably even have time to stop for a quick coffee.”

Peter smiles brightly, big enough to show off his dimples and light up his eyes. Harley gets off the bed, taking off his red MIT sweater, leaving him in an old t-shirt from the diner his mom works at, and hands the sweater over to Peter.

He wants to say so you’ll remember me or a reminder you’re not alone but he can’t say it. Instead he says, “You look a bit cold.”

“Thanks,” Peter murmurs, flushing softly. Harley reaches out and straightens his glasses before slinging the duffel bag on the floor over his shoulder.

“Let’s get going then.”

Peter picks the music, old Disney movie soundtracks, and Harley drives, paying for coffees on the way to the Boston airport. They don’t say much, humming along to the music to keep from saying too much, but linking their hands together which says just as much.

When they get to the airport, Peter insists on Harley staying in the car.

“Three weeks,” Peter promises, blinking back tears.

Harley offers a smile, squeezing Peter’s hand. “Call me, it’ll feel like no time at all.”

The younger boy opens his car door and looks like he’s about to slip out of the car, but he turns back to Harley, eyes wide and glassy. He leans across the center of the car and kisses Harley hard.

“I’m sorry-”

Harley reaches over, cups Peter’s face and pulls him back in to kiss him again. “I really like you, like a crazy amount, I didn’t want to say anything because I love having you as a friend, but I do really like you.”

“I really like you too. I didn’t tell you but before you talked to me that one day, I was always going into your café just to see you but I didn’t think you noticed me.”

“You’re going to miss your flight,” Harley says, brushing his thumb over Peter’s cheekbone and frowning disappointedly.

Peter huffs out a breath, pushing open his door. “I’ll call you? We’ll talk about this?”

“Of course. Call me whenever,” Harley says, stealing one last kiss. “Go before you miss your flight.”

The younger boy grins so bright, finally slipping out of the car, backpack over one shoulder, leans back to blow a kiss, and then he’s gone.

Harley has to pause for a second, smiling up at the ceiling of his car, before he feels ready to leave the airport, and Peter, behind.

Three weeks.

* It takes a week and a half for Peter to call, and when he does, he’s crying.

“This sucks,” Peter starts, voice trembling and thick with emotion. “Being home sucks and missing you sucks and everything sucks.”

“Hi to you too, and merry belated Christmas.”

“Sorry, yeah, merry Christmas, happy holidays, hi, how are you, and all that. I wish I were in Boston so much.”

Harley lets out a short laugh, sprawling out on his bed, phone pressed against his ear. “I wish you were here too, if that helps. What happened?”

“My parents were totally pissed about my B like I knew they’d be. And when I tried to tell them about you because I was excited, they told me I’d find a nice girl to settle down with soon enough.” Peter chokes out a sob, voice tipping towards angry. “I know I’m bi, so maybe, but it’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not fair. Some people are like that. I remember coming out as gay in a small town in Tennessee, it wasn’t received very well.”

Peter sighs sympathetically. “I just- I don’t even want their company, you know? I want to work at Stark Industries like how I’d been interning, but I don’t have a choice. I’m the heir, the papers were signed, it’s mine as soon as I graduate so they can retire.”

“You’re a genius, and legally an adult, find a way to un-sign them. Or when you get jurisdiction, terminate the company. There’s still options, there’s still ways you can get where you want to be.”

“I know, I just- I don’t know. I wanna go home. I want to see you.”

Harley smiles softly to himself, shaking his head. “I know, I miss you too. But you’re halfway done, you can do it, and I’ll be there at the airport for you when you get back.”

“I know we said we’d talk about it but I really don’t think I can handle-”

“No, no, of course.” Harley doesn’t mind. He’s kind of liking this in-between stage they’re living in. Not dating, no labels, but definitely something more than friends. “In case you needed a confidence boost, you’re a genius. You’re the smartest person I know and I know a lot of people. According to Gwen, you’re the nicest person too, and I agree. You’re very sweet and kind. Plus, have you seen yourself? You’ve got a lot going for you.”

Peter laughs quietly, tears finally fading. “You’re too nice to me. Maybe being around you is going to make my ego too big.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Harley says, lightening up. “You’re too humble for that. Oh, I’m not supposed to tell you this, but apparently, Gwen did notice you first, and she purposefully sent me over to your table that first day.”

“Really?”

“Yep. She thought I was getting too lonely, after spending over a year in Boston and only making two friends, and not seeing anybody, so she was hoping something would happen between us, which I guess it did, so I owe her one.”

Peter laughs again, then goes quiet for a moment. “I need to get going soon. Dad’s taking me to meetings all afternoon. I hate going, people only see me as a stupid kid or as competition.”

“Prove them wrong, stand up for yourself, or at least get me on the phone so I can stand up for you.”

Far away from the door there’s a shouted, “Get your ass out of bed! We leave in thirty and if you’re tie’s on wrong and I have to reteach you, I swear to god, it’ll be the last thing you do!”

“Was that your dad? Threatening you?” There’s already a protective edge to his voice like Harley will fly all the way to California just to stand between Peter and his dad.

“They’re normally empty threats,” Peter offers like it’s no big deal. “He prefers yelling more than anything. Mom says he’d probably do worse if it weren’t for the cameras on us all the time.”

Harley’s mouth falls open, anger flooding through his chest like a wildfire. “You should stay with me this Spring Break and Summer. There’s plenty of extra space in Gwen’s apartment and in my childhood home. I don’t want you back there.”

“You’d want me around for that long?”

He nearly chokes in surprise. “Of course I would. I want you always, whenever. I don’t want you home again if I can help it. It’s obvious it’s not good for you.”

Harley doesn’t know how their relationship will fare, how they’ll be in two months, in six, he doesn’t know if he could convince Peter to stay away knowing the anger it would cause, he doesn’t know if it’ll be enough to keep Peter safe. But he knows he’d do anything to try.

“I’ve gotta go before my dad’s head explodes. I’ll call you as soon as I can and we’ll talk more about these plans, ‘kay? I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Only another week and a half left.”

* Harley has to wait at the airport for three hours because of a flight delay and the longer he waits, the more he itches to see Peter. They still haven’t talked, so Harley isn’t even sure if greeting him with a kiss is allowed, but he doesn’t know how much he cares. He’s been thinking about it for three weeks, lord knows Gwen’s losing her mind with his constant rambles about Peter, and he’s pretty positive Peter will be just as desperate.

He sends another text to Peter, letting him know the area he’s waiting in, and waiting to see if it switches to delivered which would mean he’s landed. It does and Harley can barely contain an excited squeal.

If I run, I can be there in 3

Harley sends back a quick, please, which goes unanswered.

He keeps half his attention on his watch, slowly ticking down, and half on the people walking around him, waiting for the mop of brown curls to make their appearance.

At two minutes, thirty seconds, he sees Peter.

“Peter!” he calls out, ignoring some of the dirty looks people shoot him, and lifting a hand into the air.

Almost immediately, the boy starts running faster down the last stretch of hallway, dropping his duffel a few feet away, before launching into Harley’s awaiting arms.

Harley has to take a few steps to rebalance them, arms winding around Peter’s waist and kissing him hard. Peter’s legs are around his waist, hanging onto him like a lifeline, hands in his hair. Eventually, Peter’s smiling too wide to continue kissing, pulling back to let out a giddy laugh.

“I missed you so bad. I know it was only three weeks and I know we’ve only known each other for a few months, but I really like you, and I didn’t think I would miss you as much as I did, but every day without you felt like a marathon. I don’t want to skip the conversation, but I just want to know that this is real,” Peter rambles.

Stealing another kiss, Harley tightens his grip on the younger boy. “Yes, god yes, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, every day for the past three months, and I want this to be real too. I want to be your boyfriend, I don’t care how soon or crazy it is.”

“My boyfriend,” Peter echoes, lighting up in a smile. He kisses Harley again and then hides his face in the crook of Harley’s shoulder, nodding. “Yes please. I would love that.”

They hold each other for a while longer. Long enough for the majority of the baggage pick-up to clear out, long enough for Harley’s knees to start cramping and his cheeks to hurt with how wide he’s smiling.

“I’m not letting you go back there,” Harley says because it feels necessary. “I’ll find a way for you to stay until you graduate.”

Peter smiles pulling back enough to kiss his forehead. “Good, thank you, I didn’t want to go back.”

“Time to go home, boyfriend?” Saying it makes Harley giddy with pure joy.

His mama’s going to freak when she hears about Peter, she’s only ever wanted what’s best for Harley, and Peter’s that. He’s the best for Harley. It doesn’t get better than him. And he’s going to do everything in his power to be the best for Peter too.

Taglist: @littlemissagrafina  @spideygirl2003 @romeoandjulietyouwish @c-artara @shadedrose01 @likeaphoenix13 @pj-hermes-tonystark-obsessed  @you-get-killed-walk-it-off @kitkatwinchester  @emo-girl10 @justme--emily  @hold-our-destiny @imalivebecauseirondad @spiderman-peterman @dykeragee @maryserrao @heeeyitskay {Let me know if you wanna be added or removed}

[allonsy-yesiwill]

Tis The Season: The Unspoken Truth

WC: 1400 ish 

Pairing:  Dean x Y/N 

Warnings: a little bit of angst (read is an orphan but it didn’t happen till she was an adult and hit of crap parents) torwards the end but mostly just fluffy goodness

A/N: I tend to treat the English language like a garbage bin, in public I pronounce gym phonetically cause it makes people mad, and me smile. So please if you are an English teacher just pass on all of this... cause my tenses are timey whimy to say the least. That being said if you want to Beta, let me know I could use all the help I can get... hmmm, I guess that’s just a general statement about my life really..lol.  

The morning always came too early for, Y/N with Dean getting up around 5:30 to get ready for work. Y/N usually got home around midnight, an hour after the bar closed for the night. On Friday and Saturday Dean usually supported the bar so that he could spend some time with her. The staff even joked that he was their first unpaid employee, helping Y/N stock the bar or take out the trash when needed. For Y/N birthday this year they even made them the official cutest couple on staff, the picture of them still sits on the outside bar. 

“Good morning beautiful,” Dean kissed Y/N while she lay in bed. “I am really nervous about all of this and I know you already know this but.” 

Y/N instruped, “Oh babe I know you don’t want to fly there. It’s okay I got it. I am off all day, I am going to get out of bed now and I will make sure everything is packed and ready. It’s okay Dean, I will be with you the whole way alright.” Y/N rubbed his cheek with her thumb hoping to help him calm down. They have been talking about this trip for two week because Dean was terrified of flying. He originally wanted to work form home that day so he could help Y/N get everything ready however they both decided that working would be a welcome distraction form the events later in the day. 

“Thank you,” Dean said, leaning his forehead against hers. 

Y/N spent the day packing and planning making sure she had everything Dean needed for the flight including some legally purchased gummies, that she knew Dean would snack on before getting on the plane. She couldn’t help but chuckle getting everything ready, him talking about flying was the first time she had ever seen Dean scared. It was painfully obvious to her, no matter how much he tried to hide it. 

As the afternoon rolled on Y/N hopped in the shower wanting to be as clean as possible before flying, knowing that the she was going to be squished between Dean and some random stranger for a few hours while they traveled to Kansas. She hadn’t flown in sometime but she new the drill, dressing in black leggings, a black tank top, heavy knit christmas and her favorite ugg boots. She was all set the luggage was by the door, Dean jeans along with his red and black flannel were waiting for him upstairs so he could shower and get dressed before they left no later than 5:30.

The plan went accordingly and know they found themself waiting at the gate with 90 mins to kill before the plane left. 

“Are these form me or you,” Dean winked at Y/N pulling out the gummies. 

“Well they are for both of us but you only get one and then you can eat the rest of these,” Y/N said pulling out a bag of unopened gummies she purchased inside the airport. 

“Oh well I see, so should I take it now or wait till I am on the plane?  How have I never thought about doing this, I am only in my 40′s and doing something that’s completely legal here,” Dean laughed.

“Ha, well your family seems a little straight-laced so it’s fine, but yes take it now so that way you will be relaxed for take off.” 

They continue chatting about the upcoming events till they hear the boarding call for first class and Dean stands up saying, “Merry Christmas baby, that’s us.” 

“Dean we talked about this, it was way too much money and you’re going to sleep the whole way.” 

“I know, and I am a horrible listener,” Dean chuckled while helping her up.

This the first time Y/N had ever sat in first class there was so much room and it was just the two of them. While everyone boarded the plane they got comfy together waiting for take off. Dean was already starting to feel the gummy, Y/N could tell as he was starting to drift in and out of sleep. 

“Alright babe, I am going to need you to eat and drink everything so that we get our money's worth,” He laughed.

“Dean, it’s a 3 hours flight you will have to carry me off the plane if I drink whiskey the whole time.” 

“Hmm you’re right maybe champagne for the princess and food get food too. Maybe stash form cookies for when I wake up,” Dean let out with his eyes closed and a smile on his face. 

“Okay babe,” she said before kissing him on his cheek. 

The flight was very uneventful, Y/N spent some time talking with some of the stewarts. In return they made sure to give her more than a few unopened bottles of champagne while keeping her glass full. They also provided a few packages of cookies for Dean after she shared her story of her day and how nervous he was for this trip.  

When the plane landed Y/N softly woke up a sleepy Dean with the promise of cookies. When they picked up their luggage Dean thought about something he had never considered. 

“Fuck, what if I am still high. I don’t think I can drive. Could you drive, shit I don't’ want to do that. You don’t know where you are going. Son of bitch, why did I do that?”  Y/N couldn’t help but laugh. “Babe, calm down. I spoke with the shop owner, the gummy only lasted four hours maybe five max, you ate one 90 mins before our flight and the time it took for us to get off the plane and get our luggage we are way over the 5 hours mark. PS you’re so adorable when you worry, I don’t want it to be a consistent thing but it’s pretty cute.”  “Shut up, you’re adorable,” Dean said with a smile. 

Before they left the airport Dean let out a big sigh and looked at Y/N. “Okay so there is one other thing that I need to tell you, before you meet my family. And I want you to know that I love you and that you’re here and this, this all falls on me. I know I should have told them that we are dating but I just haven’t yet.” 

“So who do they think is coming with you,” Y/N asked, concerned not because he hadn’t named the relationship, she just wanted to know what you were walking into. 

“Well I told them I was going to bring my best friend because she didn't have any family to be with for the Holiday’s and I didn’t want her to be alone,” Dean said, avoiding eye contact. 

“First did you tell them that both of my parents are dead, cause I don’t like the orphan word. Both of my parents died when I was a grown ass adult and they weren’t super great at their roles so you know I just don’t want to be someone rich family’s pity project.  Second, you know you could have told me this before we left. I get you were scared and I understand that your relationship, especially with your dad is complicated at best. I mean I could have stayed home and made all of this so much easier,” Y/N sighed 

“See I knew you would say that and it would have broken my heart to leave you alone for Christmas. And honestly I am being a little bit selfish, I need you to be there by me for this trip. I have tried to tell them that we are dating so many times. I think Sammy knows but hasn’t said anything. I just don’t, want to be a disappointment or for them to not love you as much as I do.” 

“Why would you be a disappointment, am I a disappointment?”

“Oh god no baby, never you’re my happiness, my everything. It’s just to them life is more about titles, not love and that scares me so much.” 

“Hey, you know I love you right. We can and will get through this together no matter how much of a hot mess hallmark movie this Christmas is going to be,” Y/N said with a smile, “ besides you are going to have the harder job here. Keeping Dean Jr in check.” They both laughed. 

“Well you aren’t wrong, you ass in those leggins. When I got home we almost missed the flight,” Dean laughed.  

Next Part 

You can entertain yourself over here with my other stories 

TAGS 

@akshi8278​

I hope the tags worked I stopped them for a min but when people ask I can’t say no.

[twilight-love-nochu]

Secrets kept & unpaid Bills | myg

⇴ pairing: Suga x Reader

⇴ genre: tiny bit of angst but mostly fluff

⇴ summary: Y/N has some unpaid bills but she keeps it from Yoongi because she doesn’t want him to think that she is in the relationship for his money, causing some conflicts between the two lovers.

⇴ warnings: financial problems; mention of arguments

⇴ tagging: @yoongisqueenn

⇴ notes: I am so unbelievably sorry that this took so long to write. I had so much to do for school and honestly I was also a bit lazy not going to lie hehe sorryyyy. Hope this is good enough and close to what you expected, thank you for your recommendation!! xx

⇴ word count: 2.1k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were running around in your house rushing to get ready for your date with your boyfriend Yoongi who was going to be here in approximately half an hour. If you learnt one thing about him in the 5 months of your relationship, it was that Yoongi was never, and I mean never, late. Don’t get me wrong, his habit of punctuality was a real blessing most of the time, but at other times, like today, where you really needed an extra 30 minutes, it could also be a real curse.

You didn’t actually mean to be this late and it’s not like you had been loafing around and procrastinating all day. Actually, today you had to attend your 3-hour lesson at university this morning, then work at your part-time job at the university’s library and then rush to your other part-time job at the restaurant. You had scheduled your date with Yoongi so that you had enough time to get home after your shift and get ready but your colleague chose this exact day to come in late so you had to stay 45 minutes longer until she got there. Needless to say you loved your job.

“Why don’t you just quit?” You may ask. Well simply because you needed the money. Your family wasn’t the richest and since you were fourth out of five children and your parents already had to pay for your siblings university tuitions, food, appartements and other necessities not much money was left for you. So you had to finance most of those things yourself. You had found two jobs that you had to juggle between. The two jobs barely even gave you the money you needed but there unfortunately are not enough hours in a day for you to get another job. And honestly your nerves would not have kept up with that either.

This month you were particularly stressed: your parents couldn’t send you the money for your food like they usually do so you had to pay for it yourself. Because that, you didn’t have enough money to pay your rent for the month and had yet to figure out how you would come up with the money to pay the bills laying on the coffee table of your living room.

Anyway, at the moment the only thing you had in mind was being ready in time. You dashed into your bathroom to take a quick shower. Your clothes hit the floor and you made your way into the shower. Warm water hit your naked shoulders trying to wash all the stress from the day away but you barely had time to register it as you started shampooing your hair in a hurry.

About five minutes later you walked out of the shower refreshed, dried yourself and took out your hair dryer. Usually you would have let your hair dry naturally since you found it gave you less frizz but you didn’t have any time for that at the moment, so you settled with using the dryer and putting your hair in a slick bun.

Just as you finished your hair style- which took you 20 too long minutes- and hurried into your room to dress and put some makeup on, you heard the front door unlock. It was most probably your boyfriend whom you had given a spear key to your appartement to.

“Darling? I’m here.” Your expected guest called. You peeked your head outside your bedroom door to see him taking his shoes of by the entrance.

“I’m sorry Yoongi, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be ready, yeah?” You sighed, feeling a guilty to make him wait.

“It’s okay” he smiled that smile that always gave you butterflies as he saw you “ I came a bit earlier anyway. Take your time.” You smiled in return and went back into your bedroom. Your boyfriend was always the sweetest.

Yoongi decided to wait for you on the couch. To say that he was excited for your date was an understatement. Lately, you two hadn’t been seeing each other much and he missed you quite a lot. He did try to call you and go on meet with you but you would never pick up the phone and always cancel, saying you were busy but you never told him what you were doing, as many times as he asked. As any person would, he started to have some doubts about you but quickly came to senses, knowing that cheating was something you would never do as you cherished trust and faithfulness very much. He trusted you. Still he wanted to know why you would avoid him. So one day, he went to your apartment to get answers but it didn’t work very well. You two ended up having your first big fight and on top of that he didn’t even get the answers he was looking for. But you two talked it out and ended up scheduling a date because he felt bad for starting a fight and you felt bad for always letting him down.

Still you didn’t want to tell him that the reason you had no time for him was because you were busy working. Yoongi didn’t know about your financial problems and you honestly didn’t want him to find out. Not because you were embarrassed- well maybe a little to be honest- but because you knew your boyfriend and you knew he was going to want to help and pay for everything because that is just how caring and kind Yoongi is. You, on the other hand, didn’t want him to do so because you were an independent (and prideful) woman who would not depend on any man- except maybe her father- and on top of that you always felt bad when someone spent money on you no matter if it was only for a sandwich, so spending so much was out of the question. Therefore you deemed it better not to tell your boyfriend about your problems. But little did you know that said boyfriend was going through the bills laying on your coffee table.

You walked out of your bedroom finally done and made you way into you living room and now stood at the entrance with Yoongi’s back to you“ Sorry for the wait, babe. I’m ready now, we can go.” Yoongi didn’t answer seemingly concentrated on something. Frowning you walked over to him. “ Babe? Wh-“ You froze as you got close enough to catch a glimpse of what was taking up his whole attention. Your bills.

Only then does he lift his gaze up to you. “Y/N what are these?” Shit. You didn’t know what to say. You knew he was going to find out eventually but you were planning on telling him one day and you did not wxpwct him to find out like that. What were you supposed to do now?

“Why didn’t you pay your rent Y/N? Are you having money problems?” You stood there helpless, not knowing what to say to him nor how to explain to him why you never told him about your problems. “Are you going to answer me?”

One thing that kind of irritated you with Yoongi was his poker face. You could never tell what he was feeling or thinking if he didn’t actually tell you. So right now you weren’t sure if he was mad or upset or concerned which made you quite anxious as you didn’t know how exactly you should approach the situation.

After a moment you took a deep breath and sat down on the couch close to your boyfriend but still leaving a little bit of space between you two. “ Yes I’m having money problems. My parents can’t afford to pay for my tuition and rent so I’m usually the one who pays for that. That’s why I’m always busy, I have to work two jobs to afford everything. Anyways this month my parents couldn’t send me money for food and necessities like they usually do, so I had to pay for that myself, which is why I now don’t have enough money for my rent. I’m sorry I never told you this before.” By the end of this your voice was shaking and tears were building up in your eyes-though you tried desperately to blink them away- as you finally let all the stress for your busy and problem-filled life out. You never actually complained about your life, but you were still young and obviously you just wanted to see your boyfriend, hang out with your friends or just chill at home, but you couldn’t afford to do any of those things.

Yoongi just sat there and silent with an ever so stoic look on his face, which did not do anything to help your nerves. After a moment he finally expressed himself. “I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me. I thought we were both taking this relationship serious.” Now you weren’t so sure if you were happy about him responding.

“I am! I swea-”

“Well apparently not because you didn’t trust me enough to tell me something so important.” You could hear the pain through is harsh words. It wreaked you. You didn’t mean to hurt him like that.

“Please don’t say that, baby. You know I trust you.” At this point you couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. You turned your

“Then why didn’t you tell me Y/N? I just don’t understand. This is obviously to much for you and I could have helped you, you know that.”

“Yes I know, and that’s the problem, Yoongi. I don’t want you to spend money on me. I know you only want to help but it just make me uncomfortable. It makes me feel like a gold digger and I don’t want you to think that I’m only with you for you money because I’m not.” You couldn’t help the crack in your voice nor the tears streaming down your face.

That’s when Yoongi finally turned to you and sighed. He lifted his hand up to your face and and carefully wiped your tears away, though fresh ones came to replace the old ones.

“Darling. Look at me.” He gently lifted your chin up. “I’m your boyfriend, if I don’t help you, if I’m not here for you, then what’s my purpose?” He said with a chuckle “And you don’t have to worry about me thinking of you as a gold digger because I won��t. Plus if I’m the one who is offering it to you there is no reason to worry about it. And please don’t feel bad about me spending money on you. We’re a team anyway. What’s mine is yours, okay?”

“But-”

“So I will help you out, at least for this month, even if you don’t want me to. Because first off I can’t see you suffer like that without doing anything and second of all helping you would mean you not having to work two jobs anymore, which would also mean, you having more time for me.” He ended with a smirk, pulling you closer to him.

You giggled “Even if you help me out, I’ll still to keep my jobs because I’m definitely paying you back, no arguing about that.” You gave him Eskimo kisses.

“Well then I could get you a job at BigHit, I heard there’s a shortage of staff. Or even better: you could come live with me.” You laughed out loud. A playful grin showed up on your boyfriend’s handsome face.

“Live with you and the boys? And we’re will I go if you Film something at the dorms? And honestly I don’t think there is enough space in there.” You snuggled closer to his chest.

“True. But I meant the first one though. I can a really find you a job at the company. That way you can pay me back-even though you don’t have to- and we can see each other more often.” Honestly that wasn’t even a bad idea.

“You know what? I could try to get a job there but I want to do that entirely on my own.” You knew why the outcome of Yoongi getting the job for you would be. Having to face gossiping and bad-mouthing from your colleagues and you weren’t up for that.

“An Independent Queen.” He sighed and kissed your temple.

“That’s how I am.” You shrugged with a smile and pecked your lover’s lips.

“I’m really sorry I kept this from you. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” You looked into his dark eyes, showing him your sincerity.

“I know, but the date will make up for the hurt. By the way you look beautiful baby.”

“Well I hope so, you don’t even know how hard it was getting ready in 2x speed.” You laughed as you got up, pulling your man up at the same time to get going.

“Promise me that the next time you have a problem,you will come to me?” Yoongi stopped you from making your way towards the front door.

“Promise.”

[starside-selfships]

Homecoming

Tonight was certainly not in my favor for the most part. To bring you up to speed, it was homecoming night for my younger brother, along with his friends, and I was an unpaid chauffeur for them. Whether I said yes or no to my mom, which the latter would result in a scolding, I would still be driving, whether I liked it or not. I had plans to meet up with someone tonight and now, unfortunately, I had to cancel those plans. Wonderful. So much for treating myself. Saying yes to avoid any conflict between my mother and I, I was driving my brother and his group of boys and girls, one of them most likely his significant other, to the nearby high school, the same one where I graduated from, but I don’t think any of that really mattered. Sure, there were going to be people there that recognized me, but it’s not like I planned on going inside to dance or mingle. Don’t get me wrong, I was gussied up for the occasion, but with how tonight was already progressing, going inside to try and get into the groove was not on my agenda. Little did I know that I was going to be completely wrong. 

We were nearing the school as I was in the driver’s seat and I focused on the road as best I could, overhearing the conversation in the back amongst the group of seniors about how my brother was probably going to get laid or something, followed by a roar of laughter. While he was of age, as am I, I didn’t think I would be hit with a strong dose of discomfort hearing those words coming out of their mouths. Yeah, they were in high school so it made sense for them to say stuff like that. Already I began to question this night before my thoughts started to shift towards a particular someone that made my smile return after it had been gone for hours. A demon, or imp rather, down in hell that no one knew, except for a few of my closest friends who I knew could definitely keep a secret, had my heart and more. My smile remained small, but it was genuine, a chuckle eliciting from me as I continued to drive and within seconds of starting to think about him, I noticed my phone vibrating in the front passenger seat out of the corner of my eye. Look, I am, and I quote from one of my favorite content creators, a “good fucking citizen” and I would never risk my life or others because of a single text message. However, this wasn’t a single text. Whoever was trying to reach me was literally trying to nuke my phone for I counted the vibrations from listening closely to them. I didn’t bother picking up my phone so I just counted. 1...2...3...4...5...not even five minutes and I’ve somehow counted 23 and rising text messages being sent to my phone. Was it that urgent or was someone just spamming me with nonsense because I can’t remember the last time I was spammed like that and my memory is on point, not to brag or anything.

Upon pulling into one of the many parking lots of the high school, my brother and his friends began unbuckling themselves from their seats and after setting the SUV into “park”, they all got out one by one, on both sides, putting on their masks. I forgot to mention that this homecoming had a theme, which was “Monster Mash”, so zombies, mummies, your usual batch of monsters from all types of media of course, along with the special monsters that only one or two people only knew and were ready to discuss and talk about at a moment’s notice. As much as I wanted to sit in the car, I knew I was going to have to go in at some point, so earlier today, I decided I was going as a werewolf, picking up a fitting mask from the city’s costume store, but instead of just having a mask and calling it a day, it evolved into something more homemade. I spent several extra hours turning my tux into a more fitting and lycanthrope-themed outfit, dark fur lining the edges and front of my suit, outfitting myself with wolf ears and covering my face in blood to represent claw marks. Thankfully, I remembered that I had an old wolf tail, cleaning it up and hoping that the appearance was pleasing to the eye in some way and to my surprise, it certainly was. Not like anyone was going to care honestly, but you know, what’s wrong with a little bit of effort, even if no one’s going to notice?

“You’re not coming?” My brother questioned as he reached for his mask and was about to head inside with the others, earning a shake of my head as a response.

“We’ll see, you go have fun, okay?” I said, seeing him run off back to this squad and closing the car door as I rested my head on the back of my seat and sigh heavily. Finally, no one could hear or see me cry, the lights on the inside roof of the car beginning to slowly dim, shutting off completely and leaving me in darkness. “Fuck.” I whispered, trying not to choke on my tears thanks to the numerous thoughts clouding my head, many of them were memories of my high school days and how they all just generally sucked. I’m going to spare you of the details, but in short, I was a teacher’s pet who did good, had good grades, and tried so hard not to get caught up in a relationship since, well, at the time I wasn’t into anyone and nor was anyone into me. Looking back at it, I’ve never been hit with an intense pain in my life. But then, my thoughts were interrupted by another vibration. “Alright, who’s trying to nuke my phone?” I told myself as I reached over and grabbed my phone in frustration, turning the screen on and discovering that the imp himself had been sending me a flood of messages, alongside his employees, including the hellhound. “Wait, what?” I was stunned, why was I getting all these messages from I.M.P? Unlocking my phone and going through the wave of texts and images, most of them being from Blitzo, I checked the ones belonging to Millie, Loona, and Moxxie first, working my way up from there.

Millie “Hey Eli!” “Just wanted to say that I hope tonight is great for you and Blitzo!” “He has a really big surprise for you!” “Have fun you two!”

Loona “Elijah” “Heard ya weren’t feeling great” “Shit sucks but Blitz has a surprise for you later tonight” “Ain’t saying shit, but I hope you have fun” “You deserve it, alright?”

Moxxie “Dear Elijah, I certainly hope your night is swell. I overheard from my boss that it wasn’t going as planned and not to spoil anything, but he has a surprise for you later tonight. Have fun!” “p. s it’ll be a nice break from him interfering with my relationship with Millie.”

And now, all that there was left to check was Blitzo, I didn’t bother holding back my tears. Who was going to watch? Most of his texts were pictures of him looking for an outfit, getting help from a smiling Millie, annoyed Moxxie, and a Loona who looked like she didn’t really care. That’s what the realization hit me soon after. I didn’t want to believe it, but I looked through every single text again and yeah, sure enough, it was real. The imp was my date. Blitzo was my homecoming date. Another text, the last one from Blitzo for the night it seemed, sounding ominous of course.

“See ya soon, Eli. XOXO”

My smile returned once again as I regained my thoughts, clearing my head and doing my best to ignore all the negative and previous ones that arrived earlier tonight, replacing all of them with one: the fact that the imp that nearly killed me by accident was my homecoming date. The two of us have talked and spent a lot of time together, but who would’ve thought that he would be the one I would fall for and make my better in a way like this? Yeah, I was into him the most out of everyone at I.M.P. Of course, Millie and Moxxie were married and Loona, I’ll be honest, she was someone who appeared that she wasn’t too keen on dating. Blitzo, on the other hand, ever since the two of us met with him pounced over my body with a double barrel shotgun aimed directly at my face, we’re never been closer. That story about how we met is a real doozy, but it’s certainly for another time.

After waiting a little longer, I finally left the vehicle and locked the doors, stuffing the keys in my pocket and trading it for my phone, holding the mask in my other hand, my body on fire at the constant, recurring thought that wasn’t leaving anytime soon, one that pushed all the others away, a splendid thought that was the only thing I could think of. Before I knew it, I was at the front doors of the school and I followed the couples and groups, most likely students, towards the gym, looking at my phone and expecting a text, but instead, just silence. I guess all I needed to do was wait for him, and that’s what I did as I was greeted with the sound of deep bass rumbling through my body thanks to the booming speakers, along with the bright spotlights that moved around at a rapid pace, mixed with multiple multicolored strobe lights. It was a party alright. With the song that was playing as well, it was a fitting one with the theme. And lost in this party, I assumed, was a neatly dressed imp waiting for me. I walked along the edge of the gym, avoiding the growing crowd of dancers and hoping to possibly run into Blitzo at some point, only to be stopped by, unsurprisingly, one of my high school teachers. 

“Elijah, is that you? Hey kid, what brings you here?!” She asked, leaning against the wall with a drink, a red cup, yes a red cup, and wrapped in a mummy outfit, bandages covering her body, along with one eye while the other was perfectly visible.

“Just chaperoning for my brother and his friends.” I answered, which was half the truth, but how could I explain that I was waiting for my demonic plus one?

“For a chaperone, you fit in right with the crowd, nice outfit! Did you make it yourself?”

 “Yeah, I did actually.”

 “I always knew you were one of the more creative ones in the class and it shows, awesome job!” I found myself getting blushy rather quickly at her compliment, rubbing the back of my head as I continued the conversation and it soon turned into one where my heart began to race rapidly. “So, tell me, do you have a date?” I wanted to lie, but then again, I was unsure of Blitzo was my date, or even if I wanted to say he was to others, so I took a deep breath and tried to make up my mind quickly.

“Yeah, I do, he’s a bit late though, it might be a while before he gets here.”

“Who said I was late?” The imp said, grabbing ahold of my shoulder gently and wanting me to turn around so I did, my eyes meeting his and I could see that his were that wickedly bright yellow, with a hint of red in the middle. Sinister, but always a joy to look at. “Hey, cutie.” I was about to open my mouth to compliment his outfit, resembling Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas, from top to bottom, only for my teacher to butt in. This was going to be a joy.

“Oooooh, and who might this be, Elijah?! He must learn from the best because his costume’s amazing!” This was going to be a real interesting night. I was already contemplating on going back to the car.

 “The name’s Blitzo, pronounced Blitz and the O is silent, also known as this handsome guy’s boyfriend.” He said, greeting himself to-

...HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE. Did he just say boyfriend? Was I hearing that correctly? I wasn’t crazy, right?

“The name’s Blitzo, the O is silent, also known as this handsome guy’s boyfriend.” He said, greeting himself to-wait a minute, did he just say boyfriend? Did I hear that correctly? I wasn’t crazy, right?

“Well, Blitzo, it was really nice to meet you. Elijah was, and still is, one of my best students, creative too, you’re a lucky one.”

“Oh, trust me,” He looked over at me, a look that read ‘I love you’, his eyes appearing as if he was going to cry, but his smile was wide. “I know.” He was being completely truthful with her and myself. Not a single word he said was a lie, at least that’s what I believed. Something told me that it was true, every single word was honest and straight from the heart. “Let’s go dance, yeah?” He said softly towards me, earning a soft nod in reply and so, the two of us made our way to the dance floor. I was so nervous to ask him a single question with a plentiful rushing through my head. “Shocked, huh? Don’t be, Elijah. I know the two of us have been together for some time and I may have heard from a little birdie that you were going to be helping out your brother for some dance.” I reminisced on when I remember talking about the homecoming dance and then it hit me.

“Damn it, Angel.”

“C’mon, you missed me. You’re glad she told me too.”

“Yeah, I did. But, like, didn’t you have some more important stuff, like work? And your horse to take care of?”

“Oh, don’t worry. Work’s slow and boring and Moxxie’s watching over her so, I’m free for the night! What better way to spend my night with my new boyfriend too?” He said, pressing his lips against my cheek and sending my heart sky high, my hand on his beginning to clench. “Easy cowboy, it was just a kiss. We haven’t even gotten to the good stuff, you know.” Okay, now he was just trying to get me flustered really early. We made jokes about that stuff, but was he being serious? About all of this?

“I was actually going to ask about that. Do you, like, you’re actually interested in me, right?” He stopped in his tracks and the two of us were halted together, surrounded by multiple dancing groups and couples, I could sense the music that was once pounding in my ears beginning to die out, soon Blitzo’s voice was the only thing I could hear. “All those times we’ve been together, from the day you were in my bed ready to kill me and only to discover you were in the wrong house to all those times we’ve spent in Hell and on the surface, to that one time you were actually full-on naked in my bed and I was nearly caught, you’re being honest with me, right?”

“Elijah,” Blitzo began, reaching for my other hand to hold it tight, gazing into my eyes and I soon lost myself in them, my focus and attention being grabbed and held by him and him alone. “I’m being one hundred percent honest with you. If I killed you, I would’ve missed a chance like this and, god fucking dammit, I’m trying not to cry here.”

“Trust me, I’ve already done that tonight, you’re good.” I joked, the two of us laughing as his claw-like hands gripped mine.

“But yeah, I’m serious. From the bottom of my heart, Elijah. No bullshit. I love you. Yeah, you’re a human and I nearly killed you, but that night I met you and nearly blew your brains out, was probably the fucking day of my whole eternal suffering, as they usually say. That’s, that’s what they say, right?” Hearing that filled my heart with an intense amount of joy and soon, I felt my worries wash away. Who would’ve thought that I would not only fall in love with a demon below the surface of this Earth, but an imp who was not only charming, but skilled at his profession? A professional that was basically assassination. Then again, he just straight up kills anyone he’s paid to kill alongside the other three. “You can cry all you want, okay?” I didn’t want to, especially in front of Blitzo.

“Oh, shut up. I love you too.” I said, earning a nice laugh from him. Moments later, the music shifted from the usual extremely bumping and loud beat into something more mellow, but you could still dance to. A song that people weren’t really a fan of, but for me, and surprisingly Blitzo, it was perfect. To my surprise, the imp knew the damn lyrics.

Oh, don’t you dare look back Just keep your eyes on me. I said, you’re holding back. He said, shut up and dance with me! This demon is my destiny. He said, ooh-ooh-hoo! Shut up and dance with me!

The two of us followed suit and already had the floor so who was gonna stop us? No one was certainly going to stop Blitzo and for me, I was already lost in the moment, I could only see Blitzo and I losing ourselves in the music together, singing and dancing along. No distractions or disturbances as we let loose. Unbeknownst to me, the crowd around us had cleared and it was just me and Blitzo dancing to the beat with a silent audience cheering on a human and his boyfriend, unaware that he was truly a demon. I didn’t care about any of that mess now, I was overjoyed to be dancing with my imp boyfriend under the moving spotlight, the two of us grabbing the attention of all the other costumed people standing by and watching us. It didn’t even feel like they were there.

Deep in his eyes I think I see the future I realize this is my last chance! He took my arm I don’t know how it happened We took the floor and he said…

Oh, don’t you dare look back Just keep your eyes on me I said, you’re holding back He said, shut up and dance with me This demon is my destiny He said, ooh-ooh-hoo! Shut up and dance!

The final chorus continued to play and the two of us were going at it, I could sense and hear quiet cheers and wolf whistles, yet Blitzo’s voice filled my ears and drowned it all out.

Ooh-hoo, shut up and dance with me!

And just like that, the music halted and the two of us were in a bit of a position, me dipping and holding his body down, our eyes locked onto each other, the crowd coming back to life with a roar of an applause. They witnessed everything and as much as I wanted to look around and see everyone, Blitzo kept my face looking directly at his. “Hey, don’t focus on them. It’s okay.” I smiled down at him and nodded, the music shifting back into something more exciting and full of life and sending the crowd’s back onto the floor.

 “I didn’t know you were so good at dancing, Blitzo.” I said, complimenting him on his dancing and wondering where he picked that up, then again, it hit me that he’s been bugging a married couple for Satan knows how long, and he’s been on the surface a few times.

 “You go around, you know some folks, you pick up some new things, learn a few tricks.” There was a small moment of silence. “Alright, I picked it up from Moxx and Mills.” I had a feeling. Right as I was about to say something while bringing back up onto his feet, I was the one to be dipped this time and caught off guard. “Now pucker up, cutie~” And with that, Blitzo kissed me sweetly and passionately, my vision getting blurry as my eyes fluttered and my heart was more soothed and relaxed. I will admit that Blitzo has kissed me on numerous occasions, but this was something he never pulled or did and it was immensely surprisingly and completely satisfying. I didn’t want to ruin the moment at all. In fact, I wanted to make it even better. So I decided to surprise Blitzo with something up my sleeve, slipping my tongue into his mouth and catching him off guard, only for our tongues to collide and intertwine with each other, his claws yanking and gripping me closer to his body, our lips still locked together for a good couple of seconds and right as we finally pulled away, there was an embarrassing amount of saliva attached to my lips and his, a dark blush hitting both our faces. “Well, that was, I wasn’t expecting you to do that.”

“Yeah, wasn’t expecting that kiss either, heh.” The silence between us was high but was soon broken with Blitzo speaking up again.

“Alright, I’m just gonna say it. I know you’re probably thinking it too, are you going to make love to me already or what?” My eyes widened in surprise, my body heating up in response and while I was expecting a lewd comment or question, he was just completely straightforward with it, no hints, or riddles, just straight from the head.

“C-Can we go to the car now, like, right now?” I asked, hoping he could sense the desperateness in my voice, along with the look of lust in my eyes. Yeah, he definitely saw it, without a doubt. That smile of his, how he licked his lips in front of me, shooting a sexy glare at me, tonight was going to be a ride, in more ways than one as Blitzo swiftly picked me up in his arms and carried me towards the car bridal-style, grabbing a few eyeballs as he did.

“Of course~” We soon made our way outside and Blitzo finally set me down, not even bothering to look around if there were any watchers who were late to the party, as if he were planning something.

“Something wrong?” He didn’t reply with a vocal answer, but instead, what came next was what made this entire night probably the best homecoming ever. I’m going to spare the details, but what came next was pretty saucy.

Sometime Later…

I found myself rising out of bed to the sight of several dimmed lights and within seconds, the awareness hit me hard. I wasn’t at home. I was in Blitzo’s home. “Morning, sleepyhead.” The imp to my side greeted, not wearing anything like me as I hid myself under the sheets. I half-expected him to be dressed in some cute horse-themed pjs, but no, he was full-on naked under the sheets, his legs touching mine.

“Hey, Blitzo. I, umm, should I ask how I got here?” I questioned, preparing myself for the story that Blitzo had to tell, this should be good.

“Before you ask, because I have a feeling that’s the first thing you’re thinking about, your brother and his friends are fine. They got home safely and then I brought you down here to rest!” Blitzo explained, my eyes widening in fear at the idea of what he could’ve possibly done.

“For the love of God, Blitzo, please tell me the car’s in one piece. Please tell me no one got hurt.” I begged, shaking in anticipation, and not even hearing the room door open as I turned to see Moxxie come in.

“Actually, I helped drive,” The other imp claimed. “Not to be rude towards your new boyfriend, Elijah, but I had a very strong feeling that if my boss were to drive, it wouldn’t be pleasant. That and he introduced himself and the rest of us to your brother and friends.” Blitzo, you did not. You did fucking not.

“What, they were nice!”

“Sir, excuse my language, but you fucking scared them!” When Moxxie said those words, I didn’t even want to imagine how he scared and possibly scared them for life.

“Oh my God, Blitzo, why…”

“Don’t worry about it, Eli, you’re lucky I didn’t tell them about our little love-making session.”

“Sir, that’s WAY too much information.”

I didn’t know how to feel exactly with my brother knowing about Blitzo and the others, but as the conversation between him and Moxxie continued, I couldn’t help but think about that night, what I experienced with Blitzo and the things we did together, how he confessed his love and then made love to me. It felt unreal to think about knowing that the imp I spent the most time with actually liked me that way. That’s when I smiled and felt really glad that night ended up being in my favor.

[starbounds]

as a starbound blog it’s my obligation to warn you all that chucklefish is a bad company that has hired teenagers without pay and being shady regarding worker’s pay. i’ve seen people i follow think about trying to apply to jobs at chucklefish, and i would like to warn you that it is a bad idea because of chucklefish’s awful practices towards their workers.

if you worry about the credibility of these links, @/starboundgame on twitter follows the first user, and rhopunzel (second link) is a confirmed dev on starbound.

(images of the tweets under the cut)

tweet one: i started out my gamedev career working on starbound for almost two years

i was sixteen.

i worked hundreds of hours and wasn’t paid a single cent for it while the company made unbelievable amounts of money off of my labour, and that of around a dozen other unpaid workers.

tweet two: a couple of them ended up working at the company. it doesn’t mean they weren’t exploited too.

i spent a long time being very afraid that talking about this would tank my career. but this is indisputable truth, and i am, for now, in a stable and safe position. so there you go.

tweet three: the point i’m trying to make here is that you shouldn’t work for free. i see so many young people & students angling for a foot in the door but doing free work won’t give you anything but a permanent bad taste in your mouth once you realize you’ve been had.

tweet four: i can’t even keep track of how many times i’ve drafted twitter threads like this one. shit’s exhausting. believe people who’ve been victimized. i’m not looking for something or RTs or anything. just be a less fucking terrible, gamedev.

tweet (response to tweet one): Management’s attitude was “if you care so much, pay them out of your share”, despite the fact that 1) they were earing 5x as much as me and 2) I’d been told at every turn that I wasn’t part of the company and had no say in it

proof of starboundgame following demanrisu

[edit 1]: i have realized demanrisu is also found on the contributors page on the official starbound wiki.

[edit 2] there have been two updates to this post. here is the most recent update.

[edit 3] this post has been updated

if anyone mentioned in this thread see this post and would like me to censor their names, please contact me @/voistly on twitter and i would be happy to do so.

[fullmetalscullyy]

Roy has a girlfriend and she and Riza dont get along very well, she gets jealous of how close Roy and Riza are and tells him to choose between them. Roy doesnt even need to think to answer.

(hey i’m back to answering asks i probably should’ve answered weeks ago whoops)

thank you for this ask anon!! it’s an idea i’ve kinda always wanted to tackle but kept forgetting about lmao also this has spiralled out of control and will be a multi-chapter fic i just finished the first one tonight and there will probably be three (maybe idk it might grow more arms and legs who knows at this point)

fic title: “closer” from a song by travis

rated: t | words: 3479

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

ao3 | ffnet

A knock sounded at the office door and Riza Hawkeye knewinstantly who it would be. Glancing at the clock confirmed her suspicions, andshe would have groaned if she wasn’t in such a professional environment. Plus,the Colonel was in earshot and she wouldn’t humiliate herself like that.

“Come in,” he called, not looking up from his paperwork.Apparently, he had no idea who it could be. Riza didn’t know why. Their visitorwas persistent and clingy. She arrived around this time every day, greeting himso they could both walk home together.

Riza was no stranger to jealousy, however the last time she’dexperienced it was when she was merely a child. She’d been jealous of Roybecause he’d gotten her father’s attention while she’d been left by thewayside, forgotten about once more. In hindsight, she was glad she’d been leftto her own devices. Her father was insufferable, holding her to an impossiblyhigh standard which made the fallout even worse when she inevitably fell short.Being unable to perform alchemy – his alchemy – was the last straw.After all the pressure, the tears, and the yelling, he gave up on her completely.A year later, the apprentices began to roll in, none lasting longer than a fewdays.

But Roy… He’d managed, somehow. Riza never asked because shedidn’t want to taint their conversations with the mentions of her father. RoyMustang had lit up her dark childhood with a spark of friendship and she wasloath to ruin it with her father’s darkness.

So yes, she’d been jealous once before. It wasn’t hard tosee why.

But this… They were co-workers. Sure, they’d spent most oftheir formative years together. He’d become her closest friend, her confidantin her time of need, and a great pillar of support for Riza.

Eventually, he’d become her lover.

But that all ended after Ishval. The reasons were mutual, buton nights when she felt loneliest, she would long for his touch, his deep voicewhispering in her ear, his lips on her.

It made things… difficult. Especially now.

So, it was natural to feel disheartened when his attentionwas being diverted away, she told herself, especially after they’d beentogether for so long.

And as Eve Nesbit walked through the door with her usual toosweet smile, Riza couldn’t help but feel that little niggle of jealousy in thepit of her stomach.

Only because Eve got to be with Roy in the way Riza sodesperately wanted to but couldn’t.

Damn her and her absurd emotions. If she could glare atherself for being ridiculous then she would. It was immature and none of herbusiness. He was her boss, for goodness sake. Nothing more. She was happy thathe’d met someone. She was.

Riza didn’t miss the glare Eve shot her way though, when sherealised the office was empty. The rest of the team had left for the day, Havocbeing the last one to go who left ten minutes ago. Apparently, Eve was jealousthat they worked and spent so much time together.

Riza genuinely couldn’t understand women like that.

She’d had her fair share of it. The glares and whispers shegotten from other women as she walked one step behind the Colonel.

“Why does he want to spend so much time with her?”

“What does he even see in her?”

“Maybe they don’t just work together, if you get what I mean,”followed by a catty laugh.

Jesus Christ, women, just let me live, Riza would oftenthink to herself with a roll of her eyes.

She’d heard it all. If anything, her skin was bulletproof.Of course, he was oblivious. He was the shining star who played up his part. Rizadidn’t blame him. It had all been part of their plan to keep up appearanceswhile they infiltrated the military from within, but even now after the PromisedDay, it still happened. He still had a part to play to get to the top, afterall. His work on the Promised Day put him in great standing, but that was onemilestone down. They still had a handful left to go.

“Roy,” Eve crooned in greeting, hurrying up to his desk.Riza almost frowned at the inappropriateness of it all. A civilian shouldn’t evenbe in the building anyway. However, knowing the Colonel, he’d probably charmed someoneinto getting his own way.

Or Eve had snappily asked to speak to some young officer’ssuperior for not letting her in right away.

Yeah, that was more likely.

“Hey, Eve,” he perked up, shooting her a quick grin. He rosefrom his chair and Riza had to force herself not to gag at the very obvious wayEve grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, kissing him more passionately thanwas necessary. They’d only been dating a few weeks. Even Roy was caught offguard, one hand flailing to the side at the unexpected attention. The woman wasclearly in the honeymoon period already.

Eve was a petite woman. Even in her massive and expensivebrand heels, she only just met Roy’s height. Her hair was cut short in a bob,catching the light perfectly. Every time she moved every hair fell back intoplace effortlessly. Her makeup was expertly done, not a line or an eyelash outof place. Her smart, black, suit jacket and skirt screamed wealth, the fabricshining in the fluorescent lights of the office. In fact, her whole demeanourand attitude exuded that fact that she thought she was better than everyone inthe room.

Riza wondered just how the Colonel was so blind to itall. It was truly baffling.

Men, her brain reminded her.

“Let’s go, honey,” she urged, tugging his hand to pull himout from behind his desk. “We have dinner reservations in an hour.”

“I would love to,” he began, glancing back to his desk. “ButI’ve got all this work to do still and –”

Resigning herself, Riza stood and cleared her throat, tryingto get their attention. Hesitantly, she stepped around her desk and approachedthem both. Eve narrowed her eyes at Riza. The blonde knew she hated her. It wasclear in her dismissive attitude of Riza and the sharp looks, but Riza didn’t bite.She just smiled at the woman and let her live in her petty little world. Killthem with kindness, was what Riza had drilled into herself at a young age.It wasn’t worth her time to rise to Eve’s childish challenge.

“Go, sir. I’ll take over here.”

“No, I couldn’t –”

“She just said you could, Roy,” Eve retorted, notgiving him a chance to dismiss Riza’s offer. Clearly, Eve was desperate to gethim out of the room and away from her. Riza felt amusement bubble in her chest.“So, let’s go!”

“Really?” he asked, speaking to her lowly. He sounded doubtful.Riza knew him. He felt bad about leaving her to do it all. It was clear in his concernedeyes. She ignored how it made her feel inside.

Riza nodded and smiled at them both. “Of course. Enjoy yournight. I’ve got some things to catch up on anyway and –”

“Oh, perfect,” Eve cried, grabbing Roy’s arm and attemptingto drag him out of the room there and then. He resisted, smiling at Eve, buthis gaze turned back to Riza’s.

“Are you sure?”

Yeah, go and enjoy your night. I’ll stay an extra hourand a half doing extra work – unpaid – so you can get your kicks.

Shaking those petulant thoughts, Riza nodded, plastering a convincingsmile on her face. “I’m sure, sir.”

“Let’s go then, Roy!” Eve squealed excitedly. “There is thislovely romantic restaurant on The Avenue that I’ve been dying to try. It’svery fancy, so we need to go home and get you changed. Or,” she giggled.“We could go home and get distracted if you’d prefer?”

Riza’s stomach tightened at the heavy implication that theywould be going home for sex. Not only due to her personal feelings, but it wasjust plain inappropriate. Roy seemed to think so too, because he frowned slightly,but he didn’t stop her from continuing her rambling that was no doubt a ploy totry and work up Riza.

Eve clearly suspected something was going on between the twoof them – the woman tried every minute they were together to put across themessage “He’s Mine” – but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. The hada history, sure, but who didn’t? Even the boys had begun to notice her behaviour,and it irritated them as well. At least Riza had them on her side. It made her feelsomewhat pleased that she wasn’t entirely alone in this Eve shit show of tryingto get a reaction out of her.

“Have you ever been to La Taverna, Riza?” Eve asked.If a five-foot two woman could look down her nose at the taller Riza Hawkeye,then that was what she was trying to do right now. Riza smiled pleasantly ather, having none of it. Riza had worked underneath a homunculus, for goodnesssake. There wasn’t much that could shake her nowadays, especially not thiswoman’s attempt to try and tear her down.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Hm. Shame,” she replied, tone implying that it wasn’t ashame at all.

Wow. Just… Wow.

“Let’s go, Roy! We need to go and get changed if we’re goingsomewhere that fancy,” she urged, that wicked grin on her face, eyes moving totry and catch Riza’s eye.

“All right, I’m coming,” he replied, hastily grabbing hisjacket and car keys from his desk. “See you tomorrow, Hawkeye.”

“Yeah, see you,” Eve stated. Well, at least she gave her ownfarewell. It was the most insincere thing in the world, but it was a farewell,nonetheless. Usually she just ignored Riza completely.

As Eve all but dragged the Colonel out the door, Riza sighedquietly and turned to approach the Colonel’s desk.

“Hawkeye?” she heard him call. She almost jumped in fright,not expecting him to still be in the room. A panicked thought raced through herhead as she hoped he hadn’t heard her sigh. The last thing she wanted was todisrupt things, not just for him, but for her as well. She was managing Eve. Itwas easy, in truth, but she didn’t want to let on just much Riza just didn’t likeher. Not because she was with Roy, but because of her attitude.

She was even rude to the boys.

Turning, she saw him leaning backwards, a hand gripping theedge of the doorframe to keep his balance as his eyes met hers. Her stomachfluttered as she took in the sight of him. That lopsided smile, the excitementdancing in his eyes, and his dishevelled hair was causing it to do acrobatsinside her. It was grossly unfair.

Only because thatsmile and that excitement isn’t directed at you.

Oh my god, shut upbrain.

“You’re the best,” headded gratefully.

“It’s not a problem, sir.”

“Come on, Roy,” Eve giggled and Riza’s gaze moved tothe hand that had materialised by his collar, gripping it tightly to urge him awayfrom the door and into the night they had planned.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” he called as Eveeventually pried him away from the door and Riza. “I owe you one!”

They left her alone in the office with only their laughterto echo back to her.

Riza’s shoulders slumped in defeat as she resigned herselfto her fate. Story of her life, at work, alone, to pick up the pieces whileeveryone left to enjoy their evening and a social life.

With one final sigh, she picked up the stack of papers,lugging them over to her desk. From the weight, this would take so much longerthan just an hour and a half. What had the Colonel been doing allafternoon to become this behind?

Her answer came in the form of a case file. Interest piquing,and forgetting about her current pathetic situation, Riza picked it up, openingthe file and skimming through it. It was for a robbery. It had ended in ashootout that incriminated one of the military’s own soldiers and it had fallenacross the Colonel’s desk today as a request to hear his thoughts on the case.On the paper next to it, there were doodles and scribbled notes covering it, linkingthe evidence in the case and notes together.

He’d been working on this, that’s why he was so behind.

Leaving the rest of the paperwork, Riza took the file overto her own desk. She could have sat in the Colonel’s chair, but that would havebeen some kind of self-torture that she wasn’t desperate enough to turn to yet.She didn’t need to feel so pathetic while his scent shrouded her entire being.No, she didn’t need that tonight.

Absentmindedly, she flicked through the file, adding her ownnotes to his, trying to make sense of everything. She should help, she toldherself. There was information on the bullets and firearms used which he’d puta large question mark next to. In a circle, were the words “ask Hawkeye”and it had been underlined twice – a reminder to himself to get her input on somethingthat most considered her speciality.

It made her stomach flutter again, a slow smile spreading acrossher face.

Goddammit.

An hour later – Riza could see why the Colonel had neglectedhis paperwork. This case was drawing her in, and she didn’t feel like stoppinganytime soon – a knock at the door broke her concentration. Looking up with afrown, she was confused as to who would be calling at the office at this hour. Theclock ticked on the wall, indicating it was half past six. She should havefinished an hour ago, but there was something about this case that kept herhere. Not to mention the fact that she still had all that paperwork to do aswell –

“General Grumman, sir,” she greeted, jumping to a sharp salute.

Grumman grinned widely at her, stepping into the office fullyrather than just having his head poking through the door. “Lieutenant Hawkeye.You’re a late one tonight.”

“Just catching up on the day, sir.”

“Mustang procrastinating again?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not at all, sir. He was distracted by the case you passedover his desk this afternoon and I offered to organise it for him while he lookedit over. Unfortunately, I was distracted by other tasks and couldn’t completeit in time.”

Old habits of boosting his image in the face of the upperechelon died hard.

Grumman just stared at her for a moment, before breaking outinto a laugh. “The way you defend and cover for him. It’s admirable.”

Riza felt herself blush slightly.

“I asked him to look it over with you in mind due to the confusionover the kind of firearms and bullets used, but naturally I expected it wouldtake all his focus. I just wanted to pop my head in to see how far he’d gottenwith it.”

“Quite far, sir. I hope you don’t mind, but I added my ownnotes to it.”

“Not at all, Lieutenant. That’s why it sent it over here inthe first place.”

“I’ve managed to pick out the exact firearm that would usethat specific bullet. It’s not military issue, so it would exonerate WarrantOfficer Turner. He did nothing wrong. His gun may have been fired, but it wasn’this bullet that killed the shop owner. Another sweep on the scene may revealthe actual bullet that was fired.” She offered Grumman her notes and he scannedit eagerly while Riza stood and waited for his response.

“This is… Brilliant. Simply brilliant, Lieutenant,” he commentedafter reading, meeting her gaze with wonder in his eyes. “But how do you know Turneris innocent?”

“The bullet used is made to look and test like militarybullets, but they’re not. I saw a lot of them out east,” Riza launched into herexplanation as Grumman perched on the end of her desk, his full attention onher. “I noticed their differences early on in Ishval.” She supressed the memoryof removing it from a dying man’s body and being asked by her CO to examine itand determine if the Ishvalans were using their own weaponry against them. “Someonewas manufacturing them as a tactic to instil fear into the Amestrian soldiers.What would do it better than thinking the Ishvalans had their hands on ourweapon and ammunition stash?”

“Very true,” he murmured, gaze dropping to her notes oncemore. “So, this same person, or group, has moved onto robberies?”

“Possibly, sir, but I don’t think that’s the case. I hypothesisethat these thieves got their hands on this tech from out east and are briningit back into play to cause chaos once more.”

“Terrorism?”

Riza nodded. “I think so, sir. Make the military think that itsown soldiers are turning against the state. Not to mention, ruin lives andrelationships in the process.”

“Very good, Hawkeye. Excellent work,” he complimented inawe, an impressed smile spreading across his face. Riza shifted uncomfortablyunder his gaze, unused to someone complimenting her work. The boys did, and sodid the Colonel, but this was different.

She couldn’t remember the last time a family member had praisedher so much either.

“I would like your help further on this case, if you’rewilling?” Grumman proposed, standing from the edge of the desk.

“I would be happy to help, sir.”

“Excellent,” he grinned. “Report to my office tomorrow morningat 0800 hours. I’ll pass on the message that you’ve been temporarily assigned undermy command for the foreseeable future to Mustang tomorrow, seeing as he leftyou to pick up his slack,” he winked as he turned to take his leave. “Let thepoor boy suffer for his self-centredness, shall we?”

“I don’t –” Riza began, cringing. She didn’t want to cause ascene.

Grumman chuckled. “Not to worry, my dear. I’ll make sure it’spassed on. Leave that leftover work and go home. Mustang can do it tomorrow. Itserves him right for leaving you to do it alone.”

“He didn’t –”

“Plus, you’ve done more than make up for him not completingit in time. However,” he added, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “I knowMustang well enough and I know you, Lieutenant. I know he was a lazy bumand didn’t finish his work on time, didn’t he? And you volunteered your free timeto stay late and finish it, didn’t you?”

Riza said nothing, but the uncomfortable look on her faceprobably gave her away. Grumman just laughed.

“I won’t tell, Riza, my dear. Now go home and get some rest.I look forward to finally getting stuck in with this case tomorrow,” hegrinned, leaving the office with a wave.

The silence wrapped round her as she processed what had justhappened.

Okay. New assignment. A thrill went through herstomach in anticipation of tomorrow. Not only would she get out of the officewhile the Colonel suffered with his paperwork, a small part of her was pleasedshe probably wouldn’t see Eve again for a few days. A blessing that she neededright now.

She just wanted some peace.

Glancing over to the Colonel’s desk, she eyed the paperworkthat was still untouched. Making her decision with confidence, Riza grabbed herpurse and packed up her belongings from her desk, leaving it tidy andpresentable as she wouldn’t be using it for a few days. Like Grumman implied,it served the Colonel right for being so lazy all day and leaving tasks to thelast minute, only for it to be pushed aside when something more interestingcaught his eye.

Riza tried hard not to tie that analogy to herself and Eve.Tried. But the heart is a fickle thing.

Maybe this was just what she needed. A break from him.

As she left the office, she walked with a purpose in herstep.

[eabhaalynn]

So you want to be a doctor...

Congratulations on even thinking about this career path! It is undoubtedly a noble one, and one which will be very rewarding. You probably love science, you probably already work super hard at school, and you’ve probably got your own personal motivation that I will never properly understand. All of these are admirable, and I know I was in your position not too long ago.

Over the next few years, and probably over the last number of years, you will have some life experiences that will be truly incredible. These experiences will be inextricably linked to your career choice, and you should be so grateful to have them. My own volunteering in my community, with the FRIENDS group, is probably the most formative experience of my life. It is definitely what inspired me most to be a doctor, and I miss it to this day. More recently, I have got to see incredible doctors at work, both in the UK and US. They are such incredible communicators, saving and changing lives every single day – I am overwhelmed with gratitude and I don’t doubt that these experiences will change your life for the better.

But today, we have to be realistic, so here is the rest of what the last three (give or take) years have taught me about trying to be a doctor…

You almost certainly can do it.

I did my GCSEs at a school where not many people do medicine, and the ones who do are the ‘geniuses’ who don’t know what anything short of an A* looks like. You should all know that I am not one of these geniuses, at all. In fact, I barely remember what an A* looks like. So, as you may expect, when I announced my career plans to my fifth-year careers teacher, she told me that I ‘wasn’t academic enough’ for medicine and would never get to the interview stage of the process, so I’d be better off trying something else. My predicted GCSE grades were fairly unremarkable; 2A* 6A 2B. However, I am far too stubborn to listen to any career’s teacher, so I did try. I tried far too hard and did unexpectedly well at GCSE. Two years on, I am in a fairly similar academic dilemma; but this time I have a firmly accepted offer to study medicine. It’s all about progress. So, what I’m really trying to say is that if I can get a medicine offer, you can too. And please don’t listen to careers advisors who try to tell you otherwise.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

It’s almost exam season, and you’re going to work so hard and do so well, whatever stage you’re at. After exam time is summer time, and that’s when you’ll have time to have a really good think about what you’re getting yourself into, and why. (I know and fully understand I am only an upper 6thand have no right to talk about medicine as a degree or career – just the application).

Using my own personal experiences, here is what the application process was like for me…

SCHOOLS

Yes, this is a bizarre one. But essentially, I changed schools for medicine. I was THAT committed to the cause. And I promise the application process will still leave you feeling like you want to study anything but medicine.

Personally, I wasn’t too torn up about leaving, but it can be a really big deal. Certain courses require certain A Levels – and for the courses I wanted to apply to I really couldn’t have stayed. This isn’t make-or-break stuff, but it’s not something I gave much thought to until it was almost too late.

GCSEs

These are important exams. Most medical schools will either rank them standalone or on a point system before they interview you. You should definitely study. These are also probably the last exams you’ll sit at school where your hard work is almost guaranteed to pay off – so you’re better off putting in the work now. Better GCSEs would have made my sixth form experience infinitely easier, and worse ones could have made it far more difficult. They are not, however, an ultimatum. They do not define you or your ability to be a doctor.

VOLUNTEERING AND WORK EXPERIENCE

If you’re volunteering to get into medicine you’re doing it wrong. But volunteering for the good of your community and for the good of others, even for the sheer experience of it, is probably one of the greatest things you can ever do. Start as early as you can, and put in all the hours you can, while you can. Some experiences won’t be brilliant, but they’ll be worth it (and some medical schools need it.)

As I mentioned earlier, work experience is incredible, but it can be difficult to organise. Start contacting doctors and healthcare professionals you know as soon as you can. They were very accommodating to me – they’ve all been where we are. It can also be quite consuming, while my friends were making big money in retail, or with their talents (sailing and music namely) I was making tea in hospitals, unpaid. Again, this isn’t a big deal at all, it’s just not something I would ever have considered.

OPEN DAYS

Medicine isn’t the kind of vocation that you can decide to just stay at home to study. You need to accept that if you live in Northern Ireland, ¾ of your choices will not be in Northern Ireland. I am a wee bit apprehensive and so I spent a great deal of my sixth form experience travelling up and down the country, visiting all sorts of medical schools I was thinking about applying to. This has clear financial implications, and I completely understand that it is not accessible for everyone. It’s definitely not a necessity, but its something I’m really glad I did.

Not all medicine courses are the same, not all cities are the same. You’ll be spending five or six years of your life at these Universities, so you’re better to do your research on them rather than wasting a space on your application.

AS LEVELS

Lower Sixth was the hardest year of my school career. I was in a new school (which I love), studying new subjects (which I love), and yet I was really struggling. All of the medical schools I was applying to specified 4 AS levels in their entry requirements – so it was never going to be a fun year. Looking back, I don’t know how I did it. It was far more to handle than upper sixth has been. Study subjects you love, and just accept now that you will quickly stop loving them – especially chemistry. Try to balance a personal life too, because that only gets more difficult with time. In Lower Sixth, I was in a relationship, kept up my volunteering, and even had a job until Christmas. Your academic attainment will probably not be what it was previously, but that’s okay, it will come in time. Surround yourself with all the support you can, get a library membership and use it. Buy textbooks and get a tutor if you need to – again I know this has its financial implications. And please know that you will survive the year.

UKCAT

This is where the shit really hit the fan for me. It will make your A levels look like P5 English. My school were fairly supportive, and even then, I was still left largely to my own devices. I sat mine fairly early, and I’m so glad I did, because it really does have the potential to ruin your summer. Allow a solid three weeks to cram, there are brilliant resources online, and some books available. Again, if your financial situation allows, there is an amazing course that Kaplan run every weekend through the summer and it boosted my score significantly.

There is also the BMAT that certain universities require, I didn’t sit this myself but it’s supposed to be more academic based than the UKCAT. It’s also sat on a single date in October, by which stage you have already applied, and know your UKCAT score and how it sits compared with the average. I wasn’t willing to take the risk and didn’t like the uncertainty, but it is entirely personal choice.

PERSONAL STATEMENT

Do yourself a favour and write this in June. I am a firm believer that lower sixth exams finish early for a 4000-character long reason. I am one of the lucky ones and wrote my personal statement in one draft. There aren’t many people in my position, and I am well aware of how many people were so fed up and drained by this following AS Levels. But it’s so much easier to handle then than it ever could be in September. It’s also not nearly as long as you think it’s going to be – and that just makes everything harder.

UCAS

I sent away my UCAS application on Monday, 10thSeptember 2018. By that Thursday, I had received my first offer to study Genetics at Glasgow. Without meaning to sound arrogant, I could probably have got five non-medicine offers back within the week. But applying to medicine was a completely different ball game. My final ‘UCAS Application Status Notification’ email came on Wednesday 3rdApril 2019. Just a week short of seven months later. It was a rejection from a medical school. My third rejection.

Those UCAS emails give you the sort of fear that isn’t really comparable to anything else. The feeling of being rejected from a University who has met you, spoken to you, and marked your personality as unworthy, seems very personal. It does hurt, but no more than any fall out or heartbreak would. It just hurts differently because it’s a whole institution that has rejected you. This isn’t pleasant, but it is a reality for the majority of applicants and offer holders. So, if it does happen to you, just know you’re not alone.

INTERVIEW

I was very naïve going into the interview stage. Of my four choices, I had three interviews, within three consecutive weeks. I have one offer. Two of the interview processes were friendly, and they were manageable. The third was a truly awful experience. Thus, I think it’s fair to say that the interview process is variable. All of my interviews were in January, right in the rush of A Level work, I even had my attendance reported because of them. MMIs themselves can be fun, especially with relatively supportive examiners. But there is so much preparation required for a medicine MMI and the reality is that you can place in the top 20% of one University and the bottom 20% of another with very similar interviews. They take their toll on you, and are physically exhausted, between travelling, early mornings and the workload of the preparation. It is also, I believe, fair to say, that it can be quite emotionally destructive to have your personality scored and analysed in such a manner.

A LEVELS

Only when applying to medicine do a-levels feel like an after-thought. At this stage, I feel like I have been put through the ringer by this application, and to even get an offer has been more than I ever thought I was capable of. But you do need the 3As, in some of the hardest subjects and exams that boards can write. Its easy enough to forget that, but it is an immense amount of pressure, and it is still my present.

So you want to be a doctor…

I am so grateful to have got this far with my medicine application, and I do genuinely hope I get to study it in September.

There is so little accessible information regarding the details of the process and how to approach it without losing your head over it. I don’t think anyone has cracked it yet, and if they have I wish they’d write a post about it instead of this one.

Ultimately, you have to take care of yourself first. It’s what your doctor would tell you to do. You are more important than any and every stage of this process, and your own mental and physical health should come before every career choice you make. I hope to see you on the ward someday! But even more than that, I hope you get to be everything you aspire to be, whether you decide medicine is for you or not.

[dejinyucu]

2017 summary!

Hi, I’ve been busy :’) Here’s the 2017 compilation with my fav personal art I did each month :) ...which is mostly just a bunch of Tales of Zestiria and NieR:Automata stuff xD I’m happy I managed to have personal stuff each month this year! 2016 was mostly work and more work until I said screw it and ... stopped working “Orz. I’m tempted to do my fav work or project piece of every month, but I already spent enough time on this one x’D

Art goals for 2018:

FINISH MY PROJECTS, DAMMIT. Do more traditional art on my free time. >> 2016 compilation <<

Month-to-month insight and personal life musings about the year under the cut. Warning: It’s long, and everything is pretty much a bummer, so if you’re feeling bummed yourself, it’s be a better idea to go watch puppy videos than to read this xD

I did count the number of files from procrastidoodles, finished pieces, project stuff and paid work/commissions I had for each month saved on my computer and excluded the duplicates. They painted a pretty good picture of my mood and my mental state along the year, I think. I drew 240+ procrastidoodles this year! (again mostly Zesty and NieR lol) Most of them were done while burned out, during months after I tried to get a lot of work done :’) I spam most of them on my twitter nowadays. I keep forgetting to upload stuff over here and for that I apologize “Orz. January was a very productive month for me in general, while February was a burned out month (lots of procrastidoodling, very little of anything else... including work.) I was still obsessed with Zesty during Jan/Feb.The anime iirc was still airing back then and I was still trying to be sociable in the fandom. March started my descent into NieR:Automata hell xD It was also another “try to get a ton of shit done!” month, because NaNoRenO; I had a death wish and decided I could handle paid work and THREE personal projects at the same time. Ha. Hahahaha. =_= (spoiler: that didn’t work.)

April was the heavy burnout month after that. Actually I didn’t do that much procrastidoodling this month and I was in general pretty dead... idk how I managed to get 2 finished pieces done at all O_o; Maybe my procrastidoodling energy was channeled into them somehow...? May was when I threw the towel, decided to take a full break from work and projects, opened commissions and just did whatever I wanted. The Soremiku piece I picked for May was a collab with @alassetasartir​, she did the lines and I did the coloring ^^ June was apparently watercolor month! Also very procrastidoodling-intensive. July and August where... bad. I did pretty much nothing and barely got out of bed to exist (I did 7 things in August. 7. In total. Across all my categories. “Orz). I did work on the Amusement park piece in July-August and that’s my favorite thing I did in 2017, though! And by the end of August, I moved to a new apartment! Where I FINALLY GOT A 2ND ROOM AND COULD HAVE A DESK ALL FOR MYSELF AND MY STUFF WITHOUT HAVING TO SHARE IT WITH THE BF!! ;O; I wanted that for 5 years, 5 YEARS!!! *wipes a happy tear*

September and October were “catching up with the work I’ve neglected this year” months. I didn’t get much done in terms of personal things, though, because... work.

November was WORK OR DIE. I did *a lot* of stuff. A lot. I churned out stuff for projects and work like woah. And personal stuff was close to 0. I have only 4 doodles saved from November on my folders, though I may have a couple more on twitter? I tend to screenshot my doodles, post them and not save them ^^; And December has been a summer-hot, slow, short mess of a month; I suspect burnout, bc I can barely draw shit right now... or do anything else, for that matter “Orz. I seriously need to buy an industrial fan for that awfully hot computer room or I won’t survive January =_=; (in case you don;t know, I live on the southern hemisphere, it’s summer here and it’s awful)   As for art, I feel like I improved this year. I’m happy with with what I’ve been able to do and with what I’m able to do when I work hard! I managed to do personal stuff each month, even if it was mostly procrastidoodling, but still! :D I even did finished pieces almost once a month :) And I keep repeating it, but I’m extremely proud of my amusement park piece <3 <3 <3 ...But I’m also upset with how inconsistent I’ve been and still am when it comes to balancing all the shit I have to do and want to do ): Being productive, then burned out, then productive then burned out again has been my jam this year and it hasn’t been healthy at all “Orz.

As for life, it was... bleh. While 2016 was like a rollercoaster, with a lot of high-highs and crashing down lows, 2017 was just a looooong low ride. I went from the social online person I had become in previous years to slowly being a hermit again because I managed to screw things up with some people while I was also, once again, pretty overwhelmed with everything I had on my plate. The depression and debt I was dragging from 2016 plus the burnout cycle kept doing their thing on my mental health, and losing friends and getting dumped didn’t really help; yay bad timing :/ (I deserved being dumped, though; I was neglectful af and bad at communicating, so even if it was understandable bc my mental health was pretty crappy during late 2016-early 2017, it’s not an excuse.) I ended up with a lot of “what’s the point of getting out of bed today” days by the middle of the year. Moving to a new apartment with the BF helped improve a lot of things, though, and for that I’m very grateful! Also having a dog helps a lot, I may feel like a waste of space that can barely exist, but my dog needs to go outside for potty at least twice a day :’D Since then, I’ve been working towards a more balanced life, with more successes than failures, but still not quite there yet. I still have a few days peppered here and there where I feel heavy and sad and unable to get out of bed and I barely eat... but I try to not dwell on them for too long (speaking of which, I should shower and attempt to exist today... “Orz). When I look back and think of the highlights of this year, it’s all stuff that happened to other people around me.  I just... kept struggling with my bad choices and poor mental health to pay the bills, pay my debts and don’t disappoint ppl. But such is life for a lot of folks, isn’t it? So let’s say... the positive highlights of this year were the new apartment and NieR:Automata xD Also @yunalescasakura​ , she’s been a sweetheart this year to me and I don’t deserve her. I believe everything will be better once I manage to finish my project stuff (450+ unpaid hours to go... :’DDD) and I can’t wait for the day that I’m finally free from that to start a new chapter. By this time next year I should be done with projects and will be able to get a better balance!! I JUST HAVE TO ENDURE ONE MORE YEAR!! >_</ What I’m looking forward in 2018, besides finishing all my shit, is to buy a pen display! I’ve been saving slowly for one! I can’t afford a Cintiq, but I’m eyeing an xp-pen 15.6 *v* I also want to try to do traditional art once a week, probably during the weekend... I seriously need a break from drawing on the computer all day, and watercolors and colored pencils relax me so much... I want to buy a good webcam eventually to livestream/record speedpaint videos of it, because I love watching videos of people doing traditional art, haha ^^; Hopefully, in 2018 there will be a couple of Visual Novels released with my art, not counting my own stuff. I’ll also be resuming work on CDC: SideB as a hired artist this time around, since I can’t find the time at all to work on it otherwise. I sincerely hope I’ll be able to find mental space to be sociable in 2018 again, I hate being a hermit “Orz. That’s my goal for 2018: Find balance, kill the burnout cycle and be sociable again!

If you managed to read all of this, thank you. Thanks for being around, thanks for the nice messages that some of you somehow still send me even when I’m barely around anymore. I hope in 2018 I can give back to you all a lot more than I was able to this year. May the new year in ahead of us be full of nice things for everyone!