#i just need this writing to exist
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ronanlynchbf Ā· 1 year ago
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tshirt that says NO LIVE ORGANISM CAN CONTINUE FOR LONG TO EXIST SANELY UNDER CONDITIONS OF ABSOLUTE REALITY
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moody-hates-himself Ā· 2 years ago
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in school, they told you that uniqueness is a virtue. that being one of a kind made you special. no matter how poorly you were able to communicate, no matter how you acted. of course they were lying. what were they supposed to tell young, developing you, the truth?
the truth is that being unique is a little form of d3ath. it's being the first and last of an unremarkable extinct species, it's having translation errors that will never be bridged, it's being a wanderer in an endless desert with mirages of normalcy all around you. i live and will d1e in that desert, and the sand will bury me, and it will all be utterly insignificant.
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azuronel Ā· 21 days ago
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my predictions for the end of book 7
EDIT: part two here
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deoidesign Ā· 5 months ago
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I'm so mad that post was misinformation because there is actually an EXTREMELY important conversation to have about the production schedules artists are forced into. There's no need for exaggeration, the conditions are bad.
I work for webtoon. My publication schedule is weekly. While publishing I'm required 10-15 pages a week. Fully colored.
This means I'm finishing a 150 page fully colored graphic novel every 10-15 weeks.
When my comic is not updating, I am not getting paid. Any time writing, editing, or off is out of my own pocket. I don't get healthcare. They do not provide any assistants. They expect me to promote myself; they chose to deprioritize me before I even launched and gave me an end date half a year in. I never had a chance.
And this is the industry standard! Every company has artists forced into crunch hours, overtime, and burnout. Artists are literally dying early due to it. So many of my friends can't afford to go to the doctor.
It's unsustainable and untenable, and it's also the expectation our audiences have.
If we want to have this conversation, there's plenty of conversation to be had with the realities of the situation. It's bad as is.
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crazy-ache Ā· 2 months ago
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Iā€™ve been interacting with new fanfic writers and also been seeing some folks share the fact that they care about hits, bookmarks, and comments on their work as if theyā€™re embarrassed by that fact.
Iā€™m just here to say you shouldnā€™t ever ever ever feel that way.
Writing, in this case fanfiction writing, can be a very lonely journey at times. If youā€™re brave enough to post online, thereā€™s nothing wrong with wanting to receive validation. Because when you donā€™t, I think thatā€™s the equivalent of playing or singing a song and nobody claps once youā€™re done. Imagine the Olympics or local sports arena or little league game with empty stands. Not a single soul cheering at the end of a concert. Nobody shows up to the art gallery. Nobody eats the baked goods you made with love at the party. All of those scenarios undoubtedly hurt.
Yes, you did it for yourself. Because you love this passion of yours. Because youā€™re working on your skills. Because youā€™re proving something to yourself.
But thereā€™s a reason so many of humanityā€™s passions happen in front of a crowd.
Art is meant to be seen, music is meant to be heard, and yes, fanfiction is meant to be read.
We all want to know our art made an echo.
And yes, we all want to know somebody clapped for us. It validates us, it encourages us, it motivates us to keep going when weā€™re burnt out. Itā€™s also just plain fun. All of these apply to world class musicians or athletes. For fan fiction writers, the audience cheering is as simple as a hit or a comment. Itā€™s someone engaging with our work in a positive manner. So if youā€™re feeling that way and you feel bad about itā€”remember youā€™re human. And your passion and hobby is just as worthy of receiving audience reception as anybody else.
Fanfiction is a communal space, not just a solitary act. Give love back. Engage wherever and whenever you can. Open yourself to viewing this as a two way dialogue with other writers and readers. Give yourself grace and compassion when youā€™re disappointed. And when itā€™s your turnā€”donā€™t forget to clap.
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clockwayswrites Ā· 2 months ago
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Be gentle with your comments, darlings. It's really hard to be motivated when people are on your work in the comments asking for someone else to make a 'full fic' out of your finished one shot. Or saying they want a series to update more with zero positive words to go with it. It's hard enough writing already.
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jade-len Ā· 11 months ago
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i think it'd be funny if someone transmigrated as xin mo. the goddamn evil sword. instead of taking it seriously, they just really fucked around with bingge. and, somehow, ended up having the opposite effect of what it's supposedly rumored to do.
picture this: bingge, on the quest for revenge and power, comes across the almighty xin mo. this demonic sword killed everyone that dared to even try wielding it. and, the few who were lucky enough to have it by their side, eventually succumbed to the swords' will.
it is said that the sword is unlike any other, that it etches into your head and eats away your brain, until eventually it consumes you whole. it whispers, speaking in lust, greed, and hatred. it slowly beckons the wielder into giving in to the worst part of themselves and feeds off of pure sin. but to him, it is no matter; luo bingge will surely tame it.
and then he gets to the sword.
demonic qi practically oozes from xin mo. the aura surrounding it makes every part of luo bingge scream, "run; get away, away from that monster." his gut prods at him, begging bingge that this is probably a really bad idea. it's a little terrifying, how even luo bingge, the determined, vengeful demon, is now getting second thoughts about wielding xin mo from just being in its presence alone.
but luo bingge is too, a monster. so he ignores the screams of plea; pushing every thought of doubt in the back of his head, and tightly grips onto the handle. the world around him seems to spin and shake, tumble and crack, from the amount of force bingge needs to use in order to pull the sword of sin out of its place.
when bingge finally has it perfectly fit into the palms of his calloused hands, he hears whispering. he knows that the sword has accepted him as its new host.
the sword's language crawls up to him, as if it were feeling around his body and mind. checking every nook and cranny for it to settle into bingge's form, truly becoming one with the embodiment of sin. the words flow through his brain like a tragically broken guqin, a melody that holds him in a frighteningly familiar trance - all while simultaneously eating away at his brain in the worst ways possible, akin to a child and their favorite snack. it seems to beckon something, but even with luo bingge's impressive hearing, he cannot make out any words from the tone-deaf musical notes xin mo sings.
and then, it is clear. the land around him settles, and everything is still. xin mo itself seems to be.. content. at least, that is what luo bingge believes.
the language of this wretched sword reflects the state around these two monsters.
luo bingge expects it to demand for bloodshed, for the erotic ecstasy of multiple women, for bingge to steal the last of the finest gems of these horrible, vast lands.
instead, he hears this:
"yoooo damn that shit was crazy. did you see what i did there? man, you know, it feels so fucking good to get out of the dirt. hey, do you know if people can like, feed their swords or something? i'm kinda craving something spicy. we never know, in this wack world! wait, don't hold me like that, buddy. it'll make things real awkward."
but luo bingge is determined to get his revenge, so he puts up with the swords' constant rambling about.. whatever the hell it's thinking.
"wait, dude, did you seriously fuck a dying girl? that's wild. yeah, like i know she was dying but it doesn't sound like you wanted it. yo, listen to me, consent is very sexy."
"HAHA hey, dude, sir, man. you wanna play some 'i spy'? we don't have anything else to do. no? too bad, we're playing it. i spy a loser who doesn't wanna play i spy. hint: he's holding me right now."
"okay i know i'm supposed to be this super evil sword and beg to be used - woah that sounded real wrong - but can you at least clean me when you're done killing shit? if you don't, i'm gonna refuse to respond to you and you'll look like a dumbass trying to wield me."
"i can't hear you lalalalalalala you're not being very it girl right now lallalalaalalalla-"
somehow, this is worse than if xin mo was actually eating away at his brain.
weirdly enough though, as luo bingge starts spending more time with this weird ass, seemingly possessed sword, it starts to become more of a.. comfort to have it by his side than pure annoyance. he finds himself responding to it more, like, actually having full on conversations with it. it puts him at ease, wielding xin mo. the hatred doesn't consume him, instead, it seems to soothe the burning rage (and, admittedly, just replace it with small irritation) that holds onto his darkened heart.
xin mo is actually quite kind and caring, for a sword that's supposed represent and be the literal embodiment of sin. sure, it is a hassle to have it cooperate with him sometimes, and it does just ramble on and on about the most random things ever, not giving a single shit if bingge was in the middle of sleeping with maidens and slaying those who get in his way. for the first time, bingge feels so comfortable around something.
it's.. odd. what was supposed to be the turning point in his life, a big step in his plan for revenge, is now something akin to an... acquaintance. not like mobei-jun, or any of the women he's come across, but an actual, dare he say, friend.
sometimes, he finds himself thinking all of this delusional. is this what people were driven mad by? perhaps they simply could not handle dealing with a talking sword. he understands that xin mo was undoubtedly unbearable to be around at the beginning of their alliance, but it has never actually beckoned for blood, power, and sex. if anything, it does the opposite.
maybe he's the delusional one. maybe this is xin mo's way of getting to him.
maybe, xin mo should be considered a thing. the thought feels terribly laughable, as if he were witnessing a person horribly explain themselves. it also makes his teeth grind together in pure agitation.
"hey, you know, you didn't deserve any of the things they did. it wasn't your fault, binghe. the fact that you're half heavenly demon doesn't make you a monster, or any of that wild stuff.. uh, i'm here for you, okay? i know you don't really like talking about all of this or opening up, but i just want you to know that you can.. talk about it. it's not like i can tell anyone else, anyways.
hey- shit i didn't mean to make you cry! wait, wait it's okay to cry! you need to let it out anyways, i promise it doesn't make you weak. there, there. i don't have any hands, so me patting you on the head with my handle will have to do. there, there.. everything will be alright, you'll be okay. i'll be here every step of the way, even if you want to get rid of me."
xin mo, the demonic sword, is more of a person - a good person - than anyone he'd ever come across.
...and then bingge and the xin mo transmigrator become besties or he falls for the damn sword. knowing him, he probably doesn't even know the difference between platonic and romantic attraction anyways. maybe bingge gets a plant body for xin mo using airplane's wack writing. idk i typed all of this down in one sitting.
(plot twist: it's not that the transmigrator xin mo had the opposite effect, it was literally just a placebo effect. luo bingge thought that, and thus it actually did help him lmao)
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erinwantstowrite Ā· 3 months ago
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if you want an insight into my brain, i shipped Ron and Harry from Harry Potter and was so immensely angry at JKR when they didn't get together (I didn't know about homophobia yet) that I went outside and nailed the book to a tree
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blueskittlesart Ā· 2 months ago
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*sigh* thoughts on Nintendo's botw/totk timeline shenanigans and tomfoolery?
tbh. my maybe-unpopular opinion is that the timeline is only important when a game's place on the timeline seriously informs the way their narrative progresses. the problem is that before botw we almost NEVER got games where it didn't matter. it matters for skyward sword because it's the beginning, and it matters for tp/ww/alttp (and their respective sequels) because the choices the hero of time makes explicitly inform the narrative of those games in one way or another. it matters which timeline we're in for those games because these cycles we're seeing are close enough to oot's cycle that they're still feeling the effects of his choices. botw, however, takes place at minimum 10 thousand years after oot, so its place on the timeline actually functionally means nothing. botw is completely divorced from the hero of time & his story, so what he does is a nonissue in the context of botw link and zelda's story. thus, which timeline botw happens in is a nonissue. honestly I kind of liked the idea that it happened in all of them. i think there's a cool idea of inevitability that can be played with there. but the point is that the timeline exists to enhance and fill in the lore of games that need it, and botw/totk don't really need it because the devs finally realized they could make a game without the hero of time in it.
#i really do have a love-hate relationship with this timeline#because it's FASCINATING lore. genuinely. and i think it carries over the themes of certain games REALLY well#but i also think it's indicative of a trend in loz's writing that has REALLY annoyed me for a long time#which is this intense need to cling to oot#and on a certain level i get it. that was your most successful game probably ever. and it was an AMAZING game.#and i think there's definitely some corporate profit maximization tied up in this too--oot was an insane commercial success therefore you'r#not allowed to make new games we need you to just remake oot forever and ever#and that really annoys me because it makes certain games feel disjointed at best and barely-coherent at worst.#i think the best zelda games on the market are the ones where the devs were allowed to really push what they were working with#oot. majora. botw. hell i'd even put minish cap in there#these are games that don't quite follow what was the standard zelda gameplay at their time of release. they were experimental in some way#whether that be with graphics or puzzle mechanics or open-world or the gameplay premise in its entirety. there's something NEW there#and because the devs of those games were given that level of freedom the gameplay really enforces the narrative. everything feels complete#and designed to work together. as opposed to gameplay that feels disjointed or fights against story beats. you know??#so I think that the willingness to allow botw and totk to exist independently from the timeline is good at the very least from a developmen#standpoint because it implies a willingness to. stop making shitty oot remakes and let developers do something interesting.#and yes i do very much fear that the next 20 years of zelda will be shitty BOTW remakes now#in which botw link appears and undergoes the most insane character assassination youve ever seen in your life#but im trying to be optimistic here. if botw/totk can exist outside the timeline then we may no longer be stuck in the remake death loop#and i'm taking eow as a good sign (so far) that we're out of the death loop!! because that game looks NOTHING like botw or oot.#fingers crossed!!#anyway sorry for the game dev rant but tldr timeline good except when it's bad#asks#zelda analysis
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areyoudoingthis Ā· 11 months ago
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I am SO grateful that ed and stede exist as characters exactly as they are. I'm so grateful for these two men who are traumatized and messed up and struggle to even like themselves, who are terrible at communicating, who make enough mistakes between the two of them to fill an entire ocean. I am so grateful to watch them struggle and be seen and be loved and reach out for the things they want and are maybe starting to believe that they deserve. I'm so grateful that the show lets them fall in love and get together exactly as they are, that it doesn't say they need to wait until they've become some unattainably perfect version of themselves before they have permission to have that. i am so grateful for ofmd
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bratbarzal Ā· 4 months ago
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On Your Side (NH13) / Prologue
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Pairing: Nico Hischier x Fem!OC Poppy Jensen
WC: 13k
Chapter Warnings: angst, miscommunication, ghosting? maybe, some cursing, mentions of OC having nephews (gross), being broken up with over a text, allusions to anxiety, my oc being argumentative and avoidant (she's me), and nico also being avoidant and a poor communicator (he's a man) (he's also a capricorn) (sorry capricorns)
Summary:Ā Poppy Jensenā€™s job with the New Jersey Devils was supposed to be her first big step into adulthood - a way to prove to herself and her overbearing parents that she could make her own way in life. She was never supposed to become involved with any of the players. Becoming best friends with their captain was stupid. Getting her heart broken by him was tragic. Getting knocked up with his child was just plainĀ messy.
Series Masterlist
A/N: is a 13k prologue excessive? probably. is the mixture of tenses in this part going to grind your gears? most definitely. am I going to do anything about it? no.
I've never actually published any writing before so go easy on the girl. if I need to tag any warnings just let me know. if you like the fic let me know. if you don't like the fic I beg you I'm having a bad month spare meeeeee.
TW for british english spellings because shock horror I am unfortunately british, get used to u's and s's where you least expect them, I will change my spell check settings for no one!! nico's facebook aunt shenanigans have lit a fire within me today and I was writing a later chapter for this fic and thinking if I don't actually put this out into the world I never will so here we are hi my name is maggie I hope you enjoy
Poppy
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New Years has always been Poppy Jensenā€™s favourite holiday. The dwindling aftermath of Christmas - lights and decorations still hung throughout the city, everyone decked in the hats, scarves and ugly sweaters gifted by distant relatives over the Christmas period, and the six days of limbo usually spent drinking and eating copious amounts of leftovers before the new year, new me resolutions kick in - and experiencing it all in her hometown surrounded by the people she loves the most, there is no other time like it.
This year, she feels like the festive period has been one, long, strung-out horror show.Ā 
Self-inflicted, of course, like all the other tragedies of her life, she does know she only has herself to blame for how pathetic it has turned out.
She had prepared herself for Christmas to be a dud. The one time of the year that she and her family put aside their differences, and this year she had opted out - or, so her mother had dramatically concluded; she actually just had work commitments. But, this would be her first spent alone due to the fact her parents had decided to go and visit her older brother, Oliver, and his family in San Francisco.
They didnā€™t have to fly across the country - Oliver has more than enough money to book his clan on a flight back to his home state, but obviously as the golden child, the Jensenā€™s must bend to his every whim. Of course, Poppy had been invited. Her relationship with her brother wasnā€™t mutually acrimonious, but the aforementioned work commitments got her out of that bore-fest.Ā 
She does love her brother. Sometimes. Christmas, especially - heā€™s a great and expensive gift-giver. And she loves his wife, Kimberley, and their two sons - her nephews, James and Lucas - but spending the holidays with them would have been a lot. Her family is hard work on the best of days, and the only reason Christmas is ever bearable is because her mother hires help, and itā€™s impossible for the stress train to leave the station if Priscilla Jensen is given enough wine early enough in the day to dull her usual wicked demeanour.Ā 
Kimberley, God bless her soul, maintains a sober house, and Poppy, as much as she respects this, would not go anywhere near that train wreck if you paid her a million dollars.
Thereā€™s also the fact that the holidays were invented to unwind, and Poppy somehow always gets lumped on nephew duty. She had long grown out of her boys are gross phase, but lord, do those two try everything in their power to bring it back. She has lost count of the amount of their bodily fluids she has had wiped all over her best clothes over the years. If she had agreed to fly out, she no doubt would have ended up being the one to watch the kids while everyone else had their version of a good time, and so sheā€™d successfully managed to avoid all that with a half-assed promise of visiting at Easter, instead.
Her brother hadnā€™t been too upset - one less place setting at the table for him to worry about - but her mother had been livid, and there was no chance Poppy would live it down without owing her.
God forbid she, as an adult, actually got to choose how to spend her time.
She hadnā€™t actually been completely alone on Christmas, not all day, at least. Her best friend Nia had invited her to eat with her and her dad, but they were hardly putting her in the festive spirit with their constant snipes at each other, and so sheā€™d given herself stomach ache stuffing herself full of corn bread and roasted carrots and dipped out to make it home for the Giants game - because thereā€™s no better tradition than watching your team lose on Christmas Day. At least she wasnā€™t there to watch her dad and brother yell at the TV and get all grumpy for hours after the fact.Ā 
Sheā€™d watched Love Actually with mulled wine in hand and fallen asleep on the couch - waking up in the middle of the night to the muffled sound of her neighbours screaming at each other through the walls.Ā 
Poppy had the 26th off, and spent the day preparing her apartment for New Years, knowing she wouldnā€™t have any other opportunity to get her big clean done. Sheā€™d cleared out half her wardrobe - done several loads of laundry so that she could donate clean clothes to the womenā€™s shelter a few blocks over - rid her kitchen of all the outdated tinned foods in the backs of her cupboards, dusted every surface, vacuumed every floor, colour-coded her bookshelf to look more aesthetically pleasing and then within an hour put it back in alphabetical order - all in a dayā€™s work.Ā 
By the time the 27th rolled around, and she had to return to work, she had tired herself out completely. She had been drained, and the worst part of it all, she didnā€™t even actually need to be there.
Sure, December was a crazy time to work in the NHL, their schedule unrelenting when the season got into full-swing, and the holiday events that Poppyā€™s team had to organise seemed never ending, but she had technically been given limbo-week off. Not that her mother had to know.
The Youth Foundation team had all wrapped up work for the year on the 23rd, and if Poppy was a truly good daughter/sibling/aunt, she would have booked herself on a red-eye after the home win that evening, but the second the opportunity to accept an actual real excuse not to change her plans arose, she took it with open arms. Her guilt of lying to her family diminished, along with her will to live at the fact she had - self-inflicted, as always - put herself down to work her favourite time of the year.
Her career with the New Jersey Devils had started with an internship in her final year of college. She had worked with the digital content department for her first year, quickly being sniped by the Foundation in the middle of her second year and working her way past content creation to helping co-ordinate and run some of the community events.
When her friend Jessica had approached Poppy and begged for her to cover her spot in the department they had started out together in for limbo-week, spending it with the team at their games, she had jumped at the bit. She knew no one else would agree to work last minute after having their time off approved, and was pleased to relay to her mom that she had to prove herself as a team player if she wanted more responsibility at work. It was all in the name of bumping up her performance and getting her name out there, and definitely not avoiding her family and that whole shit-show.
Poppy loves her job, and is more than happy with her career, but she could sing about it until the cows come home and her parents could not care less. They rarely ever acknowledged her successes because her life didnā€™t fit the mould they had set out for her - another reason she hadnā€™t wanted to spend this Christmas hounded with questions of why donā€™t you come work for your dad? Or why didnā€™t you accept the interview Ollie so kindly got for you? She doesnā€™t want a non-sensical, nothing job made up to keep her under her familyā€™s influence. She has forged her own path, one that many dream of in one of the biggest industries in the country, and no matter how much she disappointed her parents in comparison to her lackey brother, she is content with where she is.
She had completely forgotten, however, that the devils played away on the 29th and 30th, and if she was going to be tagging along with the bare-bones limbo week media crew, there was no way in hell she was getting out of joining the teamā€™s New Years celebrations.Ā 
She had done her fair share of dodging team events already this year, and despite the fact she could appease most of her friends within the organisation, there was one person who would not let her off so easy.
This year is Jack Hughesā€™ first year hosting the big Devils New Years party - heā€™d, in her opinion, stupidly volunteered pretty much last minute after the venue the team had booked flooded in November and cancelled their reservation - and he would not let Poppy get out of coming, even if that meant scuppering her own annual tradition of getting shit-faced with her girls in their perfectly planned New Jersey bar crawl.
Sheā€™d done her best work to convince him - had almost sold him on the dream - she and her best friend, Nia, always start at the bar below Niaā€™s apartment in Hoboken, and then dot to the bars closest to their other friends apartments until they end up by Poppyā€™s, which has the perfect little rooftop set up where they get to watch all the fireworks across the Hudson. Itā€™s how sheā€™s spent the holiday every year since she and all her girls turned 21, and it was her favourite day, her favourite way to ring in a new year with her best friends in her favourite place in the world.Ā 
Jackā€™s argument was that he also had a great view across the Hudson from his Jersey City apartment, and that she was less likely to catch hypothermia this year because his view came through floor to ceiling windows and the luxury of central heating.
Sheā€™d tried to argue that she had all intentions of meeting her future husband on her adventures through New Jersey, and he gave the quick rebuttal that he had plenty of single friends she was yet to meet.Ā 
There was no excuse she could give that he couldnā€™t counteract, and so sheā€™d eventually given up with the resolution that when he is 3 drinks deep, Jack Hughes can barely remember his own name, let alone keep tabs on where Poppy is, or if she ever showed up in the first place. She can always just say sheā€™s running late until he stops asking.
And then sheā€™d somehow gotten roped into helping him set up.Ā 
Jack had cornered her on their flight home from Boston, where they had just lost to the Bruins and, all of a sudden, no one was in any kind of mood to party.
ā€œI swear,ā€ he had said, throwing himself down into the vacant seat beside her as she attempted to clear her inbox on the short journey, swiping away messages and storing others to review when work started back up in the next week, ā€œIf I mess up this party, and my name goes down in Devils history tied to the biggest depression session this team have ever seen, Iā€™m holding you personally responsible.ā€
ā€œHow the hell would that be my fault?ā€ She had scoffed, kicking at his feet when he had tried to man-spread next to her and they had quite abruptly knocked knees. The staff seats toward the front of the plane werenā€™t quite as spacious as the player seats further back.
ā€œYou brought some serious negative energy with you on this trip,ā€ he shrugged, reaching for the bag of skittles she had stashed in the pocket on the seat in front of her and stealing a handful, ā€œAnd I canā€™t blame you for us losing, so Iā€™m gonna blame you for constantly trying to abandon my event and making me feel so insecure about it that it turned into a complete bore-fest because I didnā€™t have my literal professional event planner friend to help me set it all up.ā€
Jack Hughes had joined the New Jersey Devils at the same time Poppy had started her internship. There had been some corny ice breaker session for everyone new to the organisation that season, and theyā€™d bonded over their shared love for country music. Heā€™d become dependent on her as a local to the area for recommendations for everything - food, sports bars, coffee, grocery shopping, running routes - and theyā€™d quickly developed a friendship that had lasted them thus far. No fallouts, no drama, no issues. Being friends with Jack is easy.Ā 
Poppy is older by near enough 18 months, and considers him as close to a little brother as she will ever find - annoying, teasing, loud and somewhat of a know-it-all, but he cares deeply, and heā€™s loyal, honest and open with her, and she loves him for it.
ā€œIā€™ve done my part even helping you plan the thing,ā€ she had to snatch the bag back from him before he finished the skittles off, needing the sugar to keep her awake for the quick drive home when they landed. Jack had been on her back about this party since he had first put his name in the hat to host, and she had been gracious, helping him arrange food, drinks, decorations and DJ equipment in the hopes it would lessen the blow that she didnā€™t want to attend. ā€œI didnā€™t bring negative energy.ā€
ā€œDo I have to kidnap you when we deplane or are you gonna come around tomorrow morning and help me?ā€
ā€œKidnap me?ā€ she couldnā€™t help but laugh, casting a quick measured glance over his figure. ā€œReal cute, Jack, youā€™re nothing without your stick.ā€
ā€œI could take you.ā€ He attempted to throw a skittle up into the air and catch it in his mouth, not accounting for the fact they were on a moving, somewhat turbulent plane, and he barely had enough finesse to pull that off on the ground. The candy landed and bounced off his cheekbone, and he watched it fall to the floor with a child-like pout.Ā 
ā€œItā€™s fighting talk like that that would lose you another tooth, Hughesy,ā€ she had threatened in jest.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m a middle child, I donā€™t start fights I canā€™t finish, Popcorn.ā€ He also has a track record of giving Poppy the worst nicknames she has ever heard in her entire 24 years on this Earth. ā€œLukeā€™s already said heā€™ll help me on the kidnapping front, we have a plan.ā€
ā€œYour plan is nothing without incentive, Jack. You come at me with weak threats when you could just offer me something in return.ā€
ā€œLike what?ā€ His eyes narrowed toward her, shuffling in the seat until he was facing her fully.Ā 
ā€œI want to bring Nia.ā€ If she was going to be subjected to this, she was bringing back up - and she had thought this would be a good trade, knowing how protective the boys were of their private events, especially those thrown in their own homes.
Poppy hadnā€™t liked the way his lips curved up immediately, like she had fallen straight into his trap. ā€œDone.ā€ She should have known better. He stood up, edging back into the aisle and sending her a wink. ā€œIā€™ll text you details on when and where I need you. Your hot friend is more than welcome to offer a hand, too.ā€
And that is how Poppy has ended up spending the day of New Years Eve, her favourite day of the year, rushing to set up Jack Hughesā€™ apartment.Ā 
Her first task had been to go round to Jackā€™s and accept the deliveries that came while he and Luke were out picking up the decks for the DJ. Drinks arrived by the crateful, the boxes of paper plates, cups and other table wears took her several trips up and down from Jackā€™s apartment to the building lobby until she broke out in a sweat, and she had done her best to hang all the decorations, her last call being to pick up the bigger decoration delivery from downstairs. Ā 
Poppy, with the help of Lionel, the buildingā€™s concierge, loads the elevator full of decor, ranging from golden helium balloons that spell out ā€˜Happy New Yearā€™ and ā€˜2024ā€™, a large roll that should hopefully unravel to reveal a backdrop for a makeshift photo-booth, as well as a deconstructed balloon arch that gave her PTSD from the amount of events at the Rock sheā€™d had to put them together.
Lionel offers to come up with her to help unload everything upstairs, but the thought of cramming another person in there with all the stuff makes her feel claustrophobic, so she politely declines - though, when the elevator doors open and she bumps face first into a firm chest, her nose smushing against a khaki t-shirt she wishes she had someone else with her to buffer the tension that stiffens her spine.Ā 
A large, calloused hand wraps around her upper arm to steady her, and another reaches out to keep the doors of the elevator from closing in on where she stands. She looks up into eyes swirled with the colour of warm, melted chocolate, and her throat feels just the slightest bit drier than it had 5 seconds ago.
ā€œHey,ā€ Nico Hischierā€™s voice is deep, scratchy like heā€™s just woken up - he probably has given how late the team got in last night - and trickles down in static currents from her ears to the base of Poppyā€™s back.Ā 
She takes a short, startled step back, and gulps down the dryness in her throat before she gives a quick, ā€œHey,ā€ in response. ā€œSorry, Iā€™ll just take a second to unload all of this then the elevator is yours.ā€
ā€œIā€™ll help,ā€ Nico doesnā€™t phrase it as a question, as if knowing she would immediately decline. Not, let me help, or do you need help? Heā€™ll just do it. ā€œYou get everything out and Iā€™ll take it inside?ā€
She nods, despite the voice in the back of her head telling her that heā€™s only helping to get the job done quicker, and be able to get downstairs. She makes a conscious mental effort to drown it out while the two of them work in a silent tandem, her lifting the decorations into the hallway and him towing them down and into Jackā€™s apartment.Ā 
She makes another conscious effort not to watch when he lifts things, the flex of his arms, the rippling muscles of his shoulders.
ā€œIs that the last of it?ā€ He asks, gesturing to the rolled up backdrop leaning on the side of the elevator and propping it open.Ā 
ā€œYeah, but I got it,ā€ Poppy gives a tight smile, lifting the roll but staying in place so the doors donā€™t close behind her and she doesnā€™t get stuck any longer in Nicoā€™s presence on her own. ā€œThanks for helping.ā€
There used to be a time she couldnā€™t get enough of being around Nico, but those days are long gone.There is a permanent frigidity between them now - itā€™s been there since the summer just gone - and sheā€™s overstimulated enough having spent her morning being Jackā€™s lackey while he no doubt slacks off with his brother grabbing brunch out. Her patience is beyond wearing thin, and so the last thing she needs is prolonged contact with the Devils captain where she will no doubt end up blowing up and making everything worse.
No one wants to ring in the new year with an almighty fallout.
She canā€™t help the frown that befalls her features when he makes no effort to occupy the elevator. He makes no effort to do anything, only looking at Poppy with a pensive pout. ā€œJack said I should come help you out.ā€
Of course he did, she thinks.
For the past four months, Jack Hughes has been acting like itā€™s his greater purpose in life to bring Nico and Poppy back together - like the demise of their friendship was the greatest personal inconvenience he has ever faced in his life.Ā 
He has orchestrated one too many ā€˜accidentalā€™ run-ins just like this one, and Poppy isnā€™t going to entertain his childish games any longer.
Nico doesnā€™t want to be her friend - she knows this for a fact - so Jackā€™s schemes are becoming a waste of everyoneā€™s time.
ā€œIā€™m alright, Niaā€™s on her way, you donā€™t have to hang around.ā€
Nia was due at Jackā€™s apartment two hours ago, but is no doubt still asleep after she was out last night for her pre-New Years celebrations. Sheā€™ll come over soon enough, though, and so Poppy doesnā€™t feel entirely deflated to turn down help she actually might currently need.
ā€œI donā€™t mind waiting until she gets here.ā€ Nico shrugs, again not giving her a natural opportunity to say no. He nods towards the apartment, gesturing for Poppy to start making her way over. ā€œWe both know she wonā€™t take the stairs.ā€
Something about the way he so casually recalls information about her best friend plucks at her nerves, just a little, reflective of the part of their lives they had once shared with each other like it was nothing, but she shrugs it off, beginning to head towards the apartment with the roll tucked under her arm.
ā€œI thought New Years was your favourite holiday?ā€ He asks once theyā€™re both inside, the sound of the door clicking shut behind him and somewhat trapping her in his presence echoing throughout the room. He doesnā€™t allow for any kind of prolonged silence between the two of them. If Nico Hischier is good at anything, itā€™s getting people to talk to him.
Itā€™s not entirely that she doesnā€™t want to talk to him.
She does.
Sheā€™s wanted to talk to him every day for the past 4 months that they hadnā€™t talked - has been craving even mundane, casual conversation about the weather or traffic on the way into work, but now, as he yet again indifferently recollects such personal details about her as if they have remained close, she begins to feel uneasy.
ā€œIt is,ā€ she gives a half-hearted, dismissive response.Ā 
ā€œThen why are you all grumpy?ā€
ā€œIā€™m not.ā€ She frowns, eyebrows furrowing and arms crossing as she turns to face him, the lie tasting bitter on her tongue. Ā 
Sheā€™s not trying to be difficult. Or maybe she is. She is in a particularly bad mood, but she had thought sheā€™d done a good job at masking it. Heā€™d been around her all of 2 minutes and saw right through her.Ā 
ā€œJack said youā€™ve been off all morning.ā€
Like he cares, she thinks, her mood souring further at the fact he doesnā€™t see through her or even care at all, heā€™s here at the request of someone else. Following up on his duties as a captain and fulfilling a favour for one of his actual friends.
Embarrassment floods the pit of her stomach, and rears its ugly head in the form of her biting tone when she replies, ā€œJackā€™s been out all morning, how would he know?ā€
ā€œHe left you to do all this on your own?ā€ Nico frowns, gesturing around to the half-way set up apartment. All thatā€™s left to do aside from put up the decorations sheā€™s just lugged up is set up the food and drinks, and Poppy figured she could leave that task to Jack so that it all remained fresher for longer.Ā 
ā€œI do this kind of thing for a living, remember?ā€
She cringes inwardly at the venom in her voice, turning away from him with a huff and missing the way his posture deflates.Ā 
ā€œYou run events, Poppy, youā€™re not an assistant.ā€ She can hear his heavy footsteps follow as she moves to set up the photo-booth area. ā€œIf Iā€™d known he had you running after him all morning, Iā€™d have-,ā€
ā€œCalled someone else to come help me so you could carry on avoiding me?ā€
She really is wound up now. Jack bailing on her to do God-knows what while she sets up his party had been one thing - there was a rational part of her brain that would tell her there would no doubt be hiccups in trying to source a bunch of DJ equipment in New Jersey on New Years Eve and he hadnā€™t actually bailed - and she could write off Niaā€™s disappearance due to the fact Poppy had sprung the plans on her last minute when she got home and called her last night, and she was bound to show up at some point. But Nico implying she is letting Jack walk all over her and needs anyoneā€™s help to get through setting up a basic party is downright offensive. At least, in her stressed out state, it is - and so she canā€™t find it within herself to bite her tongue about their situation any longer.
If it drives him away and brings back her solitude to finish setting up without him occupying any precious mind space, so be it.
She almost forgets a key fact about the man before her. He doesnā€™t give up so easily.
ā€œIā€™m not avoiding you.ā€ He bites back, stepping into her space and helping her lift the backdrop roll to fit into the brackets she had set up earlier when the structure for the booth had arrived. ā€œI would have come to help you, myself, Poppy.ā€
She wishes he would stop saying her name.Ā 
4 months of radio silence and heā€™s thrown it at her like a dagger twice in the span of 30 seconds, the way his it rolls of his tongue in a low, smooth rasp scratching an itch she didnā€™t know she had, and now she canā€™t shake it.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m fine,ā€ she huffs, reaching as far as she can and pressing until she hears the brackets click into place. At the brief noise, Nico catches on to what he needs to do at his side and manages to click it into place, barely lifting his arms. She moves into the middle of the structure, pulling at the velcro tab holding the roll together until it cascades to the floor and unveils the backdrop in its entirety.Ā 
ā€œWhat else needs doing?ā€ He asks, his tone gentler this time.
ā€œNothing,ā€ she mutters, winding the velcro in between her fingers to occupy them, before moving to pass him and make her way to the next task on her list. Itā€™s only small things now. Arranging the balloons, setting up the arch, clearing table space for the equipment when Jack finally arrives home. ā€œYou can go, Iā€™ve got it.ā€
ā€œMohn,ā€ Nico sighs lowly, warm hand clasping around her forearm as she attempts to pass, holding her in place beside him.Ā 
She really wishes he wouldnā€™t call her that.
If Jack is the prince of childish monikers that make her insides curl, Nico is the king of making her melt.
The nickname takes her straight back to the days before the waves of the summer break washed their friendship away. The times where heā€™d give her a ride home from the Prudential Center after work, whispering a, ā€œGoodnight, Mohn,ā€ in her ear as they hugged goodbye over the centre console in the front of his car. The times sheā€™d meet up with the team to celebrate a win at their favourite bar, and heā€™d throw a never-casual, ā€œLooking good, Mohn,ā€ her way with an appreciative once-over.Ā 
And it takes her even further back to when they had met, and sheā€™d first offered her name.
ā€œIā€™ll be interning with the content team, my name is Poppy,ā€ she had offered a bright smile, reaching her hand out for him to shake, and making sure to keep a firm grip, just like her father had taught her, when he places his hand in hers. As she had done since she was a child, it was instinctual to follow up with, ā€œLike the flower.ā€
ā€œMohnblume,ā€ he had uttered, a smile so deep his cheeks dimpled into deep valleys.
ā€œHuh?ā€ She had been only a little bit caught out by the way his eyes shone, forgetting her manners as her head tilted to the side in confusion.
ā€œPoppy flower, thatā€™s what it is in my language.ā€
ā€œOh,ā€ she had exclaimed, furrowed brows raising, a soft flush warming her cheeks, ā€œPretty!ā€
ā€œVery.ā€
She had convinced herself for a long time that it was just his way of remembering - an aid in blurring the lines between the two languages that, especially back then, he often found himself mixed up in. And then, after a while, using it seemed to bring a protected familiarity between them - like an inside joke - and heā€™d use it less in front of others and more in the times it was just the two of them.
Years down the line from hearing it for the first time, and months down the line from hearing it for the last, her heart still thumps the same erratic beat at the sound.
Nicoā€™s eyes still shine the same way when he looks down at her, and she fights every fibre of her being not to think too much about it. Or not to think about the touch of his hand on her arm, still holding her in place, the two of them closer than they have been in a long time, now.
Itā€™s painfully easy to forget the months of distance after only seconds in his immediate company - to wipe from her memory the reason for her reticence and to push down the stubborn desire to push him away.
Her lips part to speak, and she doesnā€™t know if sheā€™s about to turn him down or take him in, because another voice fills the apartment before any words get the chance to spill out.
ā€œI come bearing gifts!ā€ A sing-song lull breaks the silence as her best friend makes her presence known, entering the apartment with a drinks carrier in one hand, and a to-go back over the other wrist.Ā 
Poppy steps away, shaking Nicoā€™s grip from her arm, and turns to give Nia her full attention, hoping that she is either too hungover or too focused on herself to see or care about the obvious tension between her and the captain. She manages to bite her tongue from letting a Thank God slip out, and makes her way over to retrieve a much needed drink.
ā€œThey were out of chai so I got you an iced tea,ā€ Nia holds out the drink to Poppy, and then the to go bag, ā€œAnd half a cinnamon roll.ā€
ā€œHalf?ā€
ā€œWhat? I was hungry too.ā€ Nia scoffs, turning her attention to the brooding presence on the other side of the room. ā€œSorry, Nico, I didnā€™t know youā€™d be here.ā€
ā€œWould you have only eaten a third if you did?ā€ He trials a joke, and when Poppy sneaks a peak back toward him, he looks apprehensive - scratching at the nape of his neck as if anticipating a bad reaction to his attempt at lighthearted humour.
ā€œIā€™m sure Poppy doesnā€™t mind sharing if youā€™re starving,ā€ Nia makes her way to the bar set up by the kitchen, placing her own cup down and shrugging off her purse beside it.Ā 
ā€œI wouldnā€™t dream of depriving her of half a cinnamon roll.ā€ While his words are directed to her best friend, Nico looks at Poppy with a wistful smile, and she can practically see the memory of an old shared routine wash over his eyes.Ā 
A weekly ritual of meeting by the PATH station close to both of their apartments on a free morning for a run, and then catching breakfast to go and grab a juice or a smoothie for the walk home - abandoned just like all the other little traditions they once had together.
Nico and Poppy had been close, before. Closer than she is to Jack, now - closer than sheā€™s been to anyone else on the team, ever. So close that Nico knows her best friend enough to joke around with a familiar ease; so close that theyā€™d even hung out as a three before, back when the girls shared an apartment in Poppyā€™s first year with the Devils, and he had been the only person that Nia had ever been happy to share her childhood friend with.Ā 
And now, Poppy stands between them in a silence so uncomfortable she feels like the room is shaking.
She hasnā€™t talked to Nico in months, and hasnā€™t talked about him in just as long, but she knows Nia can read her like a book.Ā 
The girls had grown up together - been through everything side by side, pinky fingers intertwined with an eternal promise of friendship and understanding. The demise of relationships, friendship group implosions, familial hardships, Niaā€™s goth phase, the time Poppy wrecked her hair dying it a vibrant cherry-red because her high school crush said Ariana Grande was hot - she still shudders thinking of how her hair glowed red in any direct light for years in the aftermath. Through middle school, high school, college, and all the way up until now, the pair know each other inside out.
So Poppy knows that Nia knows something happened.
Nia knows that Poppy hadnā€™t been able to go a day without bringing up the Swiss Captain before the summer, and then all of a sudden, she didnā€™t mention him at all. But she also knows her friend well enough and loves her too much not to have pressed on an open wound.
ā€œIt looks insane in here, Pop,ā€ Nia gawks at the set up around her, every corner of the open plan layout of Jackā€™s large apartment decked out with decor and party amenities. ā€œDo you guys go this hard every year?ā€
ā€œDepends whoā€™s hosting,ā€ Nico shrugs, knowing when it had been his turn the year before, his event had been much more lowkey. Poppy had seen the pictures, had been sent an abundance of wish you were here snapchats around midnight from the Captain himself. Jack has a thing about his reputation that wonā€™t let him even consider doing anything lowkey. ā€œI forgot this would be your first year coming.ā€
ā€œOh, weā€™re not coming.ā€ Poppy covers her mouth as she speaks around a bite of her food, unable to wait until sheā€™d finished her mouthful due to the immediate urge to shut him down once again.
ā€œYouā€™re not?ā€ He almost sounds disappointed. She doesnā€™t dare check for the furrow of his thick eyebrows or the pout of his lips. ā€œJack said heā€™d convinced you.ā€
A flash of anxiety shoots across her chest at the thought of him considering her attendance. Had he asked Jack? Had he mentioned her specifically - pushed him to convince her? Or had Jack just brought it up in an offhanded comment?
ā€œI just agreed to get him off my back about it.ā€ Her choice of words is only slightly intended to hurt. She and Nico were no longer friends - she hadnā€™t been the one to make that decision. Despite that fact, she tries to suppress the guilt clawing at the base of her throat at the wash of understanding that passes over his features. A solemn nod, gaze bouncing to the floor, lips pressed together. ā€œWe have plans with our friends.ā€
ā€œActually,ā€ Niaā€™s voice captures both their attention swiftly - Poppyā€™s head whipping around in subtle alarm and Nicoā€™s in anticipation. ā€œBlakeā€™s flight back from Arizona got cancelled, and Kelsey bailed on me last night because she got Covid of all things over Christmas.ā€
ā€œWhat about Emma?ā€ Poppy asks, hoping and praying their hermit friend has all of a sudden grown some stellar social skills and agreed to carry on their tradition for the sake of Poppyā€™s sanity.
ā€œShe double booked with her boyfriend, and heā€™s a huge drip I donā€™t really wanna hang out with those two all night.ā€ God damn Emma and her tool of a boyfriend, Poppy thinks. ā€œAt least if we come here, weā€™re still close enough to your place we can make it back for fireworks on the roof.ā€
ā€œWe get a great view of them from this building,ā€ Nico makes his presence known again, attempting to offer a solution. ā€œIf you didnā€™t want to walk back home so late.ā€
ā€œSee, Pop,ā€ Nia claps her hands together with a grin, ā€œWe get to come to a cool party, donā€™t have to worry about creeps following us around all night, and still get to hold on to tradition. Win, win, win if you ask me!ā€
ā€œRight,ā€ Poppy sighs, knowing now that Nia has her heart set on the plan, thereā€™s nothing she can do about it. Any persistence on her part would be too obvious. ā€œFine.ā€
ā€œAwesome! Whatā€™s left to do?ā€
Poppy eyes Nico, knowing sheā€™d told him only a few minutes ago that there was nothing left. ā€œJust need to clear a table for the equipment Jackā€™s getting,ā€
ā€œWhich one?ā€ Nia asks, making her way over with her iced tea in hand once Poppy points toward the table in the corner by the wall-to-wall window. ā€œAre you helping or just standing around looking pretty?ā€Ā 
Nicoā€™s cheeks flush, a subtle warmth arising to his skin, and he gives a bashful chuckle.
Poppy feels a little nauseous, and itā€™s not from the sickly sweet half of a pastry sheā€™s just forced down.
Niaā€™s eyes flicker between the two of them like sheā€™s at a grand slam, and her lips twist to hide a smile.
ā€œI actually need to head out,ā€ he says, gaze darting quickly to Poppy before turning to her best friend, ā€œI have some things I need to do before tonight. It was good to see you, though, Nia.ā€
Nia hums around the straw of her drink, giving a dismissive wave. ā€œYou too, see you later!ā€
Nico begins towards the door to the apartment, and just before he passes Poppy, he stops. He doesnā€™t reach for her this time, doesnā€™t step too close, but she can feel his presence regardless. And every hair on her body stands to attention like sheā€™s been shocked by static when he says, lowly, ā€œIā€™ll see you tonight, Mohn.ā€
She can only nod in response, not trusting her voice to speak, not trusting her eyes to look into his and be able to look away.Ā 
After he departs, there are a few minutes of an ear-piercing silence. Poppy can hear every movement Nia makes, from the slurp of her drink, to the manner in which she throws things around with little care for where they end up. And louder than anything, she hears the violent thud of her heartbeat in her own ears.
ā€œSo,ā€ Nia drags out when Poppy joins her at the almost empty table. ā€œWhat the fuck was that?ā€
ā€œWhat was what?ā€ Poppy and Nia have known each other fifteen years, she doesnā€™t know why she hopelessly thought that would work.
ā€œDonā€™t play dumb,ā€ Nia scoffs, ā€œYou and Captain Sexy,ā€
ā€œThere is no me and Nico,ā€
ā€œBut you know who Iā€™m asking about,ā€ she scoffs like sheā€™s caught her best friend out, and then adds, with a suggestive wiggle of her brows, ā€œSo you do think heā€™s sexy?ā€
ā€œWhat are you, twelve?ā€ Poppy rolls her eyes, ā€œHeā€™s the only captain weā€™ve been in a room with, pretty obvious who you were referring to.ā€
ā€œAdmit it, Poppy, I saw the two of you when I came in, you totally wanna jump his bones, you have for as long as youā€™ve known him.ā€
ā€œWeā€™re not having this conversation, Ni.ā€
ā€œThe hell we arenā€™t!ā€ Nia grabs her best friend by the shoulders, ā€œIā€™ve bitten my tongue for months, Pop, watching you mope around and get all glum whenever work is brought up. I couldnā€™t get you to shut up about the guy before, what the hell happened between you two?ā€
ā€œNothing happened!ā€
ā€œIt totally did!ā€ Nia can spy the aversion Poppy is attempting from miles off. ā€œDonā€™t tell me you two finally hooked up and you didnā€™t fill me in,ā€
ā€œHe has a girlfriend, Nia.ā€
The way Poppy says it is like a period to a sentence. End of conversation. End of speculation. It doesnā€™t matter what they had been before, or what they are now. It doesnā€™t matter what she feels. There is no her and Nico because he is someone elseā€™s. Thatā€™s the crux of it.
ā€œSince when?ā€ Nia frowns.Ā 
ā€œSince the summer just gone.ā€
And there it is. Understanding washes over the face of her best friend, and Poppy has to force herself to look away.Ā 
Heā€™d maybe been with her before that, too, but Poppy doesnā€™t actually know the entire timeline of it.
All she does know is that heā€™d come back from Switzerland with a drop dead gorgeous model hanging off of his arm, and he no longer had a use for Poppy in his life.
She knows other little bits, that sheā€™d sourced from parts of conversations with others, or potential social media sleuthing that she will never admit to even with a gun to her head.
Talia, a model from somewhere close to home back in Europe, and Nico had hit it off at some festival when heā€™d gone back to Switzerland for his break. Heā€™d very quickly and very clearly become smitten with her. Poppy had seen as much with her plastered all over his private stories and even posted on his private instagram feed.
By the time he came back to New Jersey for pre-season training camp, she was tagging along to team gatherings, heā€™d take her on his morning runs, grabbing breakfast together, heā€™d pick her up every day after work so he could no longer drive Poppy home, not that heā€™d ever attempted to explain any of that to her. She was at every home game, was his plus one to every event, and Poppy and Nicoā€™s friendship had fizzled out so much that she sometimes feels like the whole thing had been a fantasy, or a figment of her imagination. Something sheā€™d misunderstood, miscalculating every interaction they had ever shared and assuming they meant the same to him as they did to her.
They didnā€™t.
She doesnā€™t think any of it would have hurt her so much if heā€™d have let her down easy. A sorry for bailing on you the first time sheā€™d text him if he wanted to meet up for their weekly run and heā€™d left her on read would have lessened the blow. He could have been straight up with an I just want to focus on my relationship right now. That would have been the decent thing to do, but heā€™d just dropped her, instead. Didnā€™t come around her office for lunch, didnā€™t text her after training when one of the guys said something stupid and he thought it might make her laugh. Heā€™d cut her off from the intimate parts of his life - ghosted her, even - and all she could find it in herself to do anymore was miss him.
Sheā€™d made attempts to bring him around, at first. Tried speaking to him at work, tried texting, but after a few weeks of staring at the delivered sign at the bottom of their message thread, she had given up. It still taunts her every time she opens it up to delete the entire thing and move on like he clearly has - erasing all the inside jokes and times they had confided in one another like they meant ever meant anything in the first place.
She can count on her hand the amount of times they had spoken since the summer. Work related, entirely. A good game here and a have you seen whoever? there. Today is the first indication in months that they had ever been anything more than two people who worked in the same organisation. Friends of friends, co-workers, barely acquaintances.
Not people who know each otherā€™s favourite holidays and are chummy with each otherā€™s friends.
ā€œIā€™m sorry, Poppy,ā€ Nia frowns, ā€œI didnā€™t know.ā€
ā€œDoesnā€™t matter,ā€ she shrugs, attempting nonchalance despite the stinging in the back of her throat. ā€œLetā€™s finish here so we can go get ready.ā€
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Nico
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Nico Hischier isnā€™t the biggest fan of New Years Eve. He isnā€™t really a fan of the festive period, at all. He isnā€™t a scrooge by any means. He can appreciate the coming together of people and the celebration of the year just gone, and the one starting fresh - but ever since he moved from Switzerland and started his career in the NHL, the holiday period has felt unnecessarily long.
His schedule is jam packed - games up until the 23rd, starting again after Christmas on the 27th, and again after New Years on the 3rd - and there arenā€™t enough consecutive days together to celebrate in the way others get to do this time of year.Ā 
He knows he has to make do with the fact - a small price to pay for living his dream - and his teammates help, all sharing in their sacrifices and trying to make the best out of a bad deal. But he canā€™t help but feel a lack. A lack of tradition, a lack of family being around, a lack of normalcy.
He remembers the holidays as a child, spending time at home with his parents and his siblings, having two weeks at home for his winter break and getting to spend his days doing whatever he pleased. As someone who moved overseas at such a young age, he looks back on those times fondly.Ā 
But now, living at least 8 hours away from the rest of his family, this time of year only serves to remind him of the isolation that creeps up on him like a bad cold.
It starts at the beginning of the month, the sniffly nose period of the bug, when chatter starts around whoā€™s doing what for Christmas. Decorations go up, parties are planned, names are passed around in a hat for Secret Santa, and discussions begin around who is managing to go where.Ā 
Next comes the tickle in his throat - the last game before Christmas, where the team all depart and separate with temporary goodbyes as those who have family nearby all get to go home - their parents arranging home cooked extravaganza meals, reuniting with their siblings, exchanging gifts - and Nico, for the 5th year running, feels like a bit part in someone elseā€™s festivities as he and a few of the other European guys all bustle into the dining room of whoever is willing to accommodate them for the day.Ā 
Then comes the rest, the sneezing, the coughing, the lethargy, in the period between Christmas and New Years, when everyone is reeling off the back of their celebrations and looking forward to ringing in the next year with a big party.Ā 
Nico had thought this year might have been better. He had been in a relationship, there were parts of the holidays he could tweak and adopt into his circumstances - exchanging gifts with a loved one, bringing her along to Christmas dinner at Jesper and Nicoleā€™s place, and not having to feel like a third wheel or like he had to shrink to fit at the kiddieā€™s table.Ā 
Heā€™d even tried to start his own holiday traditions with Talia, his girlfriend. Heā€™d booked an overnight stay at a fancy hotel on the Upper East Side in the middle in the month on one of the rare occasions heā€™d had two consecutive days with no game or other commitments - despite how hectic his schedule had been. Heā€™d taken her Christmas shopping down Fifth Avenue like sheā€™d talked so much about how sheā€™d wanted to do ever since she came out to New Jersey with him after the summer. Heā€™d taken her ice skating, away from the Rock so that it didnā€™t feel like work, they had bought and decorated the tree in his apartment together, heā€™d brought her along to every team holiday event.
And on the day of their home game against Anaheim on the 17th, just a few days after their trip into Manhattan, in the middle of the third period, she had unceremoniously dumped him with an Iā€™m just not feeling this anymore. Over text. As she was already at the airport preparing to fly back to Munich to spend the holidays with her family. He had slumped into his locker after their brutal 5-1 defeat and couldnā€™t believe what he was reading.
Nico wanted to be angry. As he read the text, he could picture any other person throwing and smashing things. Calling her up and demanding an explanation - because it was clear she hadnā€™t been feeling it for longer than she let on, considering she was about to board a no doubt fully booked flight across the Atlantic in the eleventh hour.Ā 
But there was too large of a part of him that just felt relieved.
Talia was great.
He had met her properly in the summer when he had gone home to Switzerland, but theyā€™d had mutual friends long before. Heā€™d liked a couple of her instagram pictures here, she had responded to a few of his stories there, and then they had been formally introduced at a friendā€™s party.
Things with her were easy, at first. Nico wasnā€™t looking for anything serious, and she had ticked all of the right boxes. She was good company, always down to do whatever he was doing with whoever he wanted to do it with. She recognised that summer was the only time of the year he truly had to himself, and she let him take the reins on how he wanted to spend it.
She would go on hikes with him, would lounge around in the sun if wanted, go to parties, go to festivals, join him on little weekend trips to Ibiza or Mallorca. And she was a great release when his training had picked up. She would work around his schedule. Heā€™d invite her round to his apartment and he had enjoyed spending time doing nothing with her after a long day at the gym or at the rink.
She had slotted so perfectly into that version of his life that he gave very little thought into inviting her into the rest of it.Ā 
She was beautiful, sociable, charismatic - and then she became hard work.
When summer was over, and he invited her to spend some time back in New Jersey, she didnā€™t quite grasp how much things would need to change. She constantly wanted to have plans. Wanted to go to parties, wanted to go out, be around other people, take little trips - and he had tried to accommodate her the best he could, but he didnā€™t have the time for himself, let alone for another person, to be doing things all the time. He had tried to tell her as much, and she said she was okay with it, said as long as he was present with her, she could settle for not doing the things they had in the summer, but she expected too much from him.Ā 
She wanted Nicoā€™s attention at all hours of the day, weaving herself into every aspect of his routine. He wanted to run? She would go with him, could really use the fresh air. He wanted to do some solo training at the gym? She had been meaning to work on her lifting. He couldnā€™t go to the grocery store - could barely even go to work without her wanting to be there. His phone would blow up whenever they were apart, and if he didnā€™t text her back straight away, sheā€™d become cold - making him feel guilty and grovel for her forgiveness.
Talia was fun, until she wasnā€™t. Until she was exhausting, and Nico couldnā€™t keep up with her any longer.Ā 
She didnā€™t give him the grace to have an off day. He was tired, he was struggling, and when the season kicked into full swing, and the teamā€™s schedule was packed, he became unable to juggle it all.
His work was suffering, his star was dimming, his body ached and his performance dipped - both in his professional and personal life.Ā 
And so, after the detonation of their relationship, a break up text felt a little like a wake up call.
Talia had contributed so much to the deterioration of normalcy in his life, that Nico was still trying to piece back together his routine 2 weeks later.Ā 
His holiday period this year had been spent in a haze - and it wasnā€™t for the reason everyone thought. He had caught the pitiful glances sent his way over the dinner table at Christmas, had seen the way the couples in the room tried to spare him of their PDA whenever he was around, and he could have told them it was okay. He was okay. But there was a large part of him that was trying to figure that out, still.
He had known he wasnā€™t heartbroken. He wasnā€™t shooting off texts to Talia and begging for her to come back. Heā€™d already boxed up what little belongings she had left behind and was going to ship them internationally after the New Year had passed. He had deleted, not archived, all their photos on his private socials, and had even deleted most of them from his phone. He wasnā€™t in pieces over the fact she had ended things.
But he knew something still wasnā€™t right.
At first, he had thought it was work related. Their worst week of the season had happened just before Christmas - 3 losses at home in the span of 5 days - and he thought that could be the reason for his slump. Then, they won against Detroit and he still felt off.
Then, he thought he had been anxious about Christmas - about showing up on his own, having to explain his breakup to everyone not quite caught up on the news yet, and he would have to wallow in that same old feeling of watching everyone else enjoy the holidays. But Jesper and Nicole had thrown together a pretty nice day for the guys. The food was great, the company was great, and heā€™d gone back to his apartment that night with a feeling of relief - like heā€™d been dreading something for so long only for him to have genuinely enjoyed himself.
And finally, as if being thrust into a freezing cold ice bath, realisation had washed over him on the morning of the teamā€™s final home game of the year against Columbus.Ā 
He had been walking through the back offices of the Prudential Centre when he had stumbled upon a conversation, and had heard Poppy Jensenā€™s voice for the first time in what felt like forever.
ā€œIā€™m just kinda beat, to be honest, J,ā€ she had said in response to a question Nico hadnā€™t caught. He had thought no one would be around, most of the Foundation staff having the week off, and hadnā€™t expected to come across anyone on his venture to the best vending machine in the building. The Foundation offices were often frequented by kids, and had an assortment of candies throughout their machines instead of the protein bars or rice cakes elsewhere in the staff areas. At the sound of her voice, he had come to an immediate halt, peaking around the corner where he could see into her office. She was moving some things into a box on her desk and Jack Hughes was reclining in the chair in front of it that once had been claimed by Nico as his own. ā€œIā€™m all social interaction-ed out, the holidays have kinda beat me to a pulp, I donā€™t think I could keep up with you guys, Iā€™m sorry.ā€
Nico watches as she swats at his feet when he tries to kick them up onto her desk, and canā€™t quite see the crease between her brows as she frowns at their mutual friend, but can remember how it used to form all the same. ā€œYouā€™re such a bullshitter,ā€ Jack had scoffed, clearly pre-empting the stapler Poppy would throw at him, managing to catch it with ease.Ā 
ā€œYou canā€™t call me a bullshitter in my own office,ā€ she gawked, ā€œYou donā€™t see me marching out onto the ice and calling you an attention whore.ā€
Jack had thrown the stapler straight back. She caught it all the same, and dropped it into the box.
ā€œYou havenā€™t hung out with us in forever!ā€
ā€œWe hung out at the Toy Drive like 2 weeks ago!ā€ There had been two toy drive events organised by the Foundation in different parts of town, and, as he had long become accustomed to, Nico had been put on the one separate to the event Poppy was working. It had been fun, but when heā€™d checked the social posts the next day and seen the pictures posted of the other team - all smiles between them, a slightly blurry Poppy in the near background of all of Jackā€™s pictures to indicate how close they had been throughout the event - he had felt like heā€™d missed out on something.
ā€œThat was work, it doesnā€™t count, Popsicle.ā€ Nico could hear the roll of Jackā€™s eyes.
ā€œYeah, well some of us donā€™t consider helping underprivileged children and spreading Christmas spirit ā€˜workā€™, Jack.ā€ Poppy had used air quotes to emphasise her sarcasm, and a fond warmth had spread throughout Nicoā€™s chest at hearing her hold her own against someone as brazenly wise as Jack Hughes. ā€œI thought we were hanging out, having fun, improving our community together. You should really check your ego!ā€
ā€œI sh-,ā€ Jack had managed to cut himself off, no doubt realising how loud he had gotten. ā€œYouā€™re the one whoā€™s been avoiding the whole team all year, ā€˜cause youā€™re hung up on-,ā€
The door to Poppyā€™s office had slammed closed before Nico had a chance to hear the end of his teammateā€™s sentence. Their voices had been muffled after that, and shame had started to creep up on Nico at the fact heā€™d been eavesdropping on a private conversation.
Heā€™d foregone the snacks he originally snuck off in search of, and returned back to the locker room to get ready for his practice skate.Ā 
For the first time in a long time, when Jack arrived and threw himself down on the bench beside him, Nico had wanted him to bring her up.
In the months prior, he would freeze up at the mention of Poppy Jensen, not wanting to face the reality of his dwindling connection to someone who had once been such a huge part of his life. He had other focuses - namely, Talia - and reflecting on what had once been between the two of them did not serve any kind of good purpose. It opened him up to uncomfortable conversations that he wasnā€™t willing to have, uncomfortable realisations he couldnā€™t quite come to terms with, and he had been too comfortable avoiding any kind of confrontation around it.
But in the short time between witnessing the conversation between Jack and Poppy, and getting ready for the teamā€™s morning practice, too many questions had been swirling around his mind, and he needed answers.
Why was Poppy packing up her desk?
Why was she avoiding hanging out with the team?
What was she so hung up on? Had something happened?
Heā€™d spent so long avoiding even thinking about her, that he all of a sudden felt like heā€™d missed everything.
Luckily for him, Jack Hughes needed little to no prompting for his blabbermouth nature to prevail.
ā€œYou know, for someone whoā€™s literal job it is to lead us as a Captain, youā€™ve done terribly at warning me just how stressful this whole New Years thing is,ā€ Jack had huffed as he began changing into his practice gear.
ā€œI did nothing but warn you,ā€ Nico responded, ā€œYou called me Mr Grumpy Pants and told me I was just afraid your party was gonna be better than mine.ā€
ā€œYeah, well, you should have insisted, itā€™s stressing me out.ā€
ā€œYouā€™ll be fine,ā€ Nico scoffed, running a hand through the mess of his hair and leaning back into his locker. He watched Jackā€™s jittery movements as he shrugged on his pads, and felt the need to reassure his friend. ā€œEveryoneā€™s looking forward to it. As long as thereā€™s plenty to drink and decent music, people will have a good time.ā€
ā€œNot everyone,ā€ Jack grumbled, ā€œI canā€™t even get Poppy to come and she loves parties.ā€
So thatā€™s what they had been talking about.Ā 
Poppy did love parties, but Nico couldnā€™t remember the last time he had seen her at one.Ā 
ā€œPoppy has a New Years ritual, she didnā€™t come to mine, either, I wouldnā€™t beat yourself up about it.ā€ Nico shrugged, despite the wave of a memory that washed over him of him doing exactly that when she hadnā€™t showed up last year. Heā€™d had to restrain himself from leaving his own party - spent the night texting her updates on what everyone had been doing, snap-chatting her pictures in the hopes it would entice her the few blocks over from her apartment building. Heā€™d only been consoled by the text heā€™d received just after the clock had struck midnight, settling for the pride in knowing he had been one of the first to get a Happy New Years message from her - knowing it wasnā€™t just a mass text she would have copy-and-pasted to everyone else, and had been personalised to him with a bunch of perfectly curated emojis and exclamation marks after his name.
Nico didnā€™t see Jackā€™s stiffened posture at the way he had so nonchalantly mentioned her for the first time in forever. Didnā€™t see the side eye, or the pensive twist of his mouth as he carefully considered his next words like he was about to step through a minefield.
ā€œIā€™m gonna keep trying,ā€ he had sat back down on the bench beside Nico to put on his skates, ā€œIā€™m definitely her favourite, sheā€™s been helping me organise the whole thing, I donā€™t think it will take much to convince her.ā€
Nico tried not to show any kind of reaction to Jack being Poppyā€™s favourite, or at the thought of how much time they must be spending together to organise such an event. A part of him knew he was only saying it to rattle him. ā€œCutting it a little fine, arenā€™t you? New Years is in a couple days, and the guys from the Foundation arenā€™t even around this week, are they?ā€
ā€œSheā€™s covering someone on content until January, I said Iā€™d drive her home after the game and me and Lukey can double down on it. And if we canā€™t get it done tonight, sheā€™s coming on the road with us at the end of the week. Iā€™ve got plenty of time.ā€
ā€œOh,ā€ Nico was thankful for how Jack had leaned over to tie his skates up, because he wasnā€™t entirely sure heā€™d been able to mask whatever had flooded over him at the revelation that his teammate would be driving Poppy home.
That was his thing. He was pretty sure his passenger seat was still positioned to her liking despite how long it had been since sheā€™d sat in it. He was still working his way through the stash of smiley face air fresheners she had stashed in his glove compartment. He still felt like he was forgetting something every time he left the parking lot and she wasnā€™t sat beside him, chatting his ear off about some of the kids she had worked with in the day.
ā€œMaybe you should ask her?ā€
Nicoā€™s eyes shot over to meet Jackā€™s in alarm. ā€œMe?ā€
ā€œYeah, the more people that ask, the more she might feel like sheā€™s missing out. Flash her those cute dimples, how could she possibly say no?ā€
ā€œI think Iā€™m the last person thatā€™s gonna convince Poppy to come, Jack.ā€ Nico had tried to be nonchalant about it, but he had come across so painfully uncomfortable that he could feel the hair on his arms stand, not liking the ache that spread through his chest at the statement.Ā 
There was once upon a time that cheering Poppy Jensen up had been a large part of his routine. Even small acts, like bringing her a coffee on a busy day, where he knew she wouldnā€™t take a break to go get one herself, and knew how much she disliked the stuff from the pot in her office. Sending her texts from across the room when there were big organisation meetings and he could see her chewing at her fingernails at the vast amounts of information being spewed about. Tagging her in cute animal videos heā€™d come across on TikTok when he was across the country on a roadie and on a different timezone - sheā€™d wake up to them sometimes, and heā€™d wake up to her response.
ā€œRight, I forgot you two arenā€™t friends anymore.ā€
ā€œIs that what she said?ā€ Nico had swallowed down the hurt at the thought of her coming to that conclusion - vocalising it to someone and finalising the decision before he had any chance to do anything about it.
He couldnā€™t really blame her, though - heā€™d had plenty of chances.
Nico could feel himself beginning to spiral, words swirling around his head like a tornado of realisation and guilt.Ā 
Arenā€™t friends anymore.
Avoiding the whole team all year.
Jack is driving her home.
Heā€™s her favourite.
Arenā€™t friends anymore.
Shit.
He didnā€™t even take in Jackā€™s response to his question. As much as he wanted to know the answer, he couldnā€™t bear to hear it.Ā 
Nico couldnā€™t face up to what he had truly lost.
It wasnā€™t his girlfriend of five months, who had dumped him over text during the most wonderful time of the year. It wasnā€™t a few games, that, sure, it had sucked that they had been beat, but in retrospect, the team had had a pretty decent start to the season, and shouldnā€™t have had his back up that much.Ā 
Nico had lost someone who had, at one point, been the most important person in his life.Ā 
The person he would usually have gone to to help him through the other stuff - the breakups, the losses, the stress, the anxiety - the crushing weight that had been pressing down on his chest since he had left for Switzerland at the beginning of summer.Ā 
Nico and Poppy used to work around each other like a beautifully choreographed, well-rehearsed dance. She always knew when he was overwhelmed or exhausted, he always knew when she was stressed or upset, and they both knew how to pick the other back up.Ā 
They hadnā€™t even fallen out of sync when theyā€™d stopped talking to each other, only this time, they were moving around each other. If Nico entered a room, Poppy would leave. If she knew he was going to be at a team party, sheā€™d make up an excuse not to go. If someone mentioned Poppy in casual conversation, Nico would quickly change the subject. All of it had been subconscious, on his part, at least.
It had been so easy after such a prolonged distance between the two of them to move when she pushed, to watch when she ran, like he had grown into his part in their relationship akin to repelling magnets, always moving away from one another.
It had been so easy that he hadnā€™t even really realised what was happening - lost and handicapped by a thick fog clouding his thoughts and his judgement. Heā€™d let their once blooming friendship wither and die, and for what?
As he had watched Jack waddle out of the locker room for their practice session, muttering a dismissive, ā€œWhatever, Iā€™ll figure it out,ā€ to his Captain, it was like he had been awakened into full consciousness.Ā 
Nico had thought that his turmoil had started with the holiday period. Had thought the ache of homesickness had swirled in with the grief that came with the loss of his relationship, and the shame his poor performances on the ice had thrown upon him. But it had started long before that. He hadnā€™t been himself since heā€™d returned from his summer break. Before that, even.
Without realising that he had lost her, Nico had spent the last few months subconsciously mourning his friendship with Poppy - the crushing weight of that grief consuming him to a point that he felt lost with no way out, and had expressed it in a bunch of misguided ways.
He reached into his bag to retrieve where he had stashed his cellphone, scrolling through his Messages app until he stumbled across Poppyā€™s name. The last text had been sent in September, by her, and he had never responded - had never even opened it, the blue dot to the left of their message thread taunting him with chirps of how awful he had been to ignore it.
Poppy: Hey, can we talk? I miss you.
How late is too late to reply to a text like that? He could only hope she still felt the same way.
Turns out, 4 months might be too late.
Nico has drafted an embarrassing amount of messages to Poppy over the days since that conversation in the locker room.
His notes app has a whole folder dedicated to her. Bullet pointed lists, random memories that made him think of her, structured essays that laid out a timeline of their friendship, and all the mistakes he would need to beg for her forgiveness for.Ā 
Heā€™d tried sending a message when he had got back to his apartment after the game against Columbus, feeling a rush of confidence from the adrenaline of their OT win, his high had soon dwindled when he was alone. He sat staring at all the different iterations of an apology he could offer, and had even chickened out of the final draft of a very simple but hopefully effective, ā€˜Hey.ā€™
He knew he was overthinking it. A conversation starter would at the very least open the door for the apology, and all he needed to do was talk to her in some way - but that turned out to be easier said than done.
She wasnā€™t in her office when heā€™d gone to seek her out at work the next day, and when he realised she was probably in the content and media offices, he felt like he would be cornering her if he sought her out in front of anyone else. When the weight of how far removed they now were from each otherā€™s lives dawned on him, a text felt too informal, and so the paragraphs sat untouched in his notes. The weather hadnā€™t been too great, so he couldnā€™t try and intercept her on the running route he knew all too well, and even attempting to orchestrate a seemingly random encounter outside of work seemed too creepy so stopping by the cafe around the corner from her apartment in the hopes sheā€™d be there grabbing a latte was off the cards.Ā 
Heā€™d seen her on the plane to Ottawa, having to pass her seat to get to the team section at the back, but he had a few people boarding behind him, and she had her eyes cast toward her cell, headphones on and typing intently to somebody, he couldnā€™t even offer her a friendly smile to try and warm her up to the possibility of a conversation.
Between their win against the Senators, and their loss against the Bruins the next day, there wasnā€™t much time, or energy, really, to seek her out, and so heā€™d had to press the breaks, but as they flew back to New Jersey from Boston, a panic had started to swirl within his chest.
Nico knew he couldnā€™t enter a new year without clearing the air, and so time was well and truly running out. He again had seen her on the plane, and when he had plucked up the courage to get up and go sit with her, Jack had beaten him to it. When the plane had landed, and the team bus had driven them all back to the Rock, the Hughes brothers had both walked her to her car to see her off for the evening.Ā 
For someone who had been not-so-subtly trying to initiate a reunion between Nico and Poppy for so long, Jack Hughes sure knew how to get in the way. But, he was easy to forgive - especially when Nico had woken up to his texts late this morning.
Jack: need ur help
Jack: urgently
Jack: wake up dude
Nico: Iā€™m not driving anywhere for you
Jack: not asking u to
Jack: u will like this I promise šŸ˜Œ
Nico: what do you want?
Jack: need u to keep Poppy company
Jack: sheā€™s in my apartment and she seemed off when she got here
Jack: been on her own for a few hours
Jack: so sheā€™s grumpy šŸ‘ŽšŸ»šŸ‘ŽšŸ»šŸ‘ŽšŸ» šŸ‘¹šŸ‘¹
Nico: doubt I can change the grumpy part
Nico: especially if youā€™ve left her alone for hours
Jack: donā€™t need to
Jack: ur a grump too
Jack: will cancel each other out šŸ‘šŸ»šŸ‘šŸ»šŸ˜‡šŸ˜‡
Jack: u going down or no?
Nico: fine
Jack: Iā€™ll be back in 1 hr :)
Jack: love u cap šŸ˜š
Nico: šŸ™„
And that was how Nico had found himself trudging down to Jackā€™s apartment, hopeful at the dream of a bridged gap between him and Poppy, and quickly disappointed by the reality.
She had been cold, rightfully so, and had made it clear as day she didnā€™t want anything to do with him. She had shrunk into herself, backing away from him any time he got too close,Ā  defecting to a state of avoidance - gaze dropping to the floor, declining his offers to help her, making assumptions she was in his way, as if the thought of him seeking her out had become an entirely alien concept.
He couldnā€™t blame her for how she was being with him. It had been his fault things had collapsed between them - heā€™d come to that conclusion with the vast amounts of evidence piled up in his phone storage the past couple of days, but it didnā€™t make it hurt any less to see her like this - or to feel an actual, tangible resistance when he had tried to insist on being around. She didnā€™t want him around, that much was obvious, and it was starting to feel like it was to late to fix what he had so royally screwed up between the two of them.Ā 
The once well-oiled machine that was their friendship was now clunky, clattering, dying a slow death with parts that were now obsolete.
But that didnā€™t change how much he wanted it to work. His parents had once told him when he was growing up that nothing was beyond repair, and if he wanted something fixed enough, he would figure out a way.
They had been talking about a model train he, his father and his brother had made when he was very young. The company that made the sets had gone bust, and they no longer sold the individual parts anymore - so when his sister had stumbled over something in the garage back home, knocked a box, and the once pristine collectable train had tumbled out and ended up cracked and chipped, he had been heartbroken. He and Nina had filled in the chips with wood filler, and touched it up with her nail polish, and it wasnā€™t the same but in a way it was better - a new sentiment attached with a memory of bonding with his sibling.Ā 
The same thing could apply to his friendship with Poppy. Maybe they couldnā€™t go back to what they were - maybe they could be better.
And, when Poppy had made one too many attempts to push him away - when he had taken a hold of her after she had tried to move past him, dismissing him and his desire to help her, once again - a fire reignited within him. A spark of hope flickered at the familiarity that had flashed across her face as he referred to her in an endearment he hadnā€™t let himself use in so long.
In that moment - hand wrapped around her arm, just above her elbow, the skin soft and warm, close enough to smell the all too familiar cloud of vanilla-coconut scent that followed her, and her eyes locked on his - he had seen a crack in her armour.
He had seen an element of want - wanting to reconcile, wanting to fix things, wanting him in her life in the way he had been those months ago - and in a mirror of his own emotions, he had seen trepidation.
They wanted the same things, had the same fears, had the same end goal.
And when the unforeseen interruption of her best friend arriving startled her back into her withdrawn persona, he had realised something else.
Niaā€™s contrasting attitude toward Nico - open, friendly, familiar - had opened his eyes to the fact that Poppy hadnā€™t told her best friend about the demise of her friendship with Nico.Ā 
And that, as much as it needed unpacking entirely, was Nicoā€™s backdoor entry into the high security vault of Poppyā€™s good graces.Ā 
Thankfully for him, Niaā€™s obliviousness to their tension had worked entirely in his favour. He tried not to look too much into Poppyā€™s attempted avoidance of spending the evening in his presence, despite her other plans falling apart. Tried to shoulder the blows of her sly digs at them not being friends anymore. Tried to ignore the pang in his heart at Poppyā€™s best friend being the one to throw flirty jibes his way, and not her.Ā 
A determination had begun to brew within him - swirling, bubbling, steaming - and it was going to push him to finally bridge the gap he had forced between them.
His first success was her agreeing to come to the party, and he could easily build on that momentum.
Nico and Poppy were going to be friends again by midnight, he would figure out a way.
> Chapter One
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fairyofshampgyu Ā· 30 days ago
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GUYS THE CONCEPT PHOTIS IM DEAD OMFG SOFHDU!*%%^ I LOVE TJEM SO FUCKING KUCH THEYRE SO PRETTY OMFG OMG OMG OMG šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ā˜¹ļøā˜¹ļøā˜¹ļøā˜¹ļøā˜¹ļøā˜¹ļøā˜¹ļøā˜¹ļøā˜¹ļøā˜¹ļøā˜¹ļø
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buglaur Ā· 1 year ago
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this is kit, please commission some art from them on social bunny šŸ™
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thekittyokat Ā· 6 months ago
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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inkskinned Ā· 2 years ago
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this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.
it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?
it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.
as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.
on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.
and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.
and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.
as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.
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charmac Ā· 2 months ago
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How are you feeling about S17? I'm getting reaaal worried that it's going to be terrible. No Glenn in the writers room? A crossover episode?? Rob's gradual transformation into pondslime??? Help
Pondslime šŸ˜­Lmfao
I'm feeling more than fine about 17, really truly. I don't think anyone should be worried at all.
I think sometimes my interactions with Glenn come off a little more serious or abrasive than they really happened in real life (because we have to shout due to how loud it is in the bars), and my immediate transcription is just to get people *information*, which really doesn't convey tone.
For example, reporting that Glenn said "you don't want to know" in response to me asking for any teasers (as to plots this season) was met with a lot of "oh so this season is gonna suck" on Twitter, and that could not be further than the truth (sorry to the people I split-react blocked for saying that lol). In hindsight I get the reaction, because written out it's a response that can be easily misinterpreted and reads as potentially concerning, but know that when Glenn said "you don't want to know" he looked like this:
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And when I was genuinely just asking for script information (regarding writers of individual scripts after he mentioned they had broken already) and mentioned Nina (Inflates) and Ross (DTAMHD), he gushed about both of them and then said, transcribed word for word, "It's been a good room, I'll say this it's been a great room. It's been an all-star room, it's been...like, breaking the stories this year has been really fun. [Me: Yeah?] Yeah. [That's great, that is great to hear.] It's been really fun."
So the idea of "no Glenn in the writers room" is really much more akin to Season 16 than 13/14. He was there to break stories (meaning he was in the room when they were brainstorming plot ideas and when they settled on which plots would be turned into scripts) but Rob and Charlie are taking the brunt of writing their (RCG's) scripts because of Sirens. This is the same thing that happened with The Gang Goes Bowling. Glenn's name is on the script, but Rob and Charlie wrote the majority of it while Glenn was shooting Blackberry. (I remember originally being convinced it was a mistake Glenn was listed as a writer for Bowling, lmfao). And Glenn is definitely still contributing, will be on revisions for the non-RCG scripts, and will classically change or improv whatever he thinks is best for Dennis when he's on set (see: the Risk E. Rats script).
Also, I know the crossover is concerning to a lot of people just given the nature of it, but as of what we know right now it's only on Abbott, so it's really just as if this season's The Gang Cracks the Liberty Bell or The Janitor Always Mops Twice took place on a different show instead of ours...
I promise promise promise Glenn was clearly holding his tongue for good things coming up, and Friday night very much restored my confidence that Season 17 will be good. (But..if you don't think Glenn has good contributions to Sunny or understands the agenda, then sorry this response probably sucks lmfao)
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