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neonscandal · 1 year ago

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Parting Gifts

⚠️ CW: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide (Kinda but Not Really), Canonical Minor Character Death (from season 4)

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugo & Izuku Midoriya

Genre: Tragedy/Comedy

Tags: Bakugo Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, Midoriya Izuku Needs a Hug, Bakugo Katsuki-centric, Midoriya Izuku Has a Secret, Midoriya Izuku is Just a Cagey Little Shit, Tragedy/Comedy

Word Count: 6.2K

Status: Complete

Summary: Deku's seen haplessly giving away his prized fanboy possessions which specifically draws Bakugo's concern as he's the only one who knows the true value (sentimental or otherwise) of the things he's parting with. Despite being notoriously bad with emotions, Bakugo confronts him when he feels like there may be a dark ulterior motive.

EXCERPT

“No, I-I wanted you to keep.. it.” The way Deku’s voice seemed to falter, as if he were questioning his resolve, almost drove Katsuki to break his neck and stare the nerd down himself. Surely, most certainly, there was no way he was giving Sonic the Hedgehog a relic from his childhood. Deku’s very own security blanket in the form of an All Might action figure; if one hand was brushing away tears, the other was surely wrapped around that thing. That figurine was in as many pictures as Katsuki in the Midoriya household. Probably more. There was simply no fucking way he’d part with it. Least of all to give it to someone who would dare call it a toy. “You all, you mean a lot to me. I never could have imagined friends like you… even a year ago. I really appreciate you all so much. I just… wanted to make sure you know that.”

“Oh my goodness, Deku! Thank you so much! That’s so sweet of you,” Uraraka squealed energetically. “It’s just like the one I got for Christmas, you didn’t have to do that!”

Katsuki could hear the insufferable shrill of Uraraka’s excitement long before he rounded the corner into the 1A classroom. He honestly didn’t mind her, she was one of very few people in class he found palatable at all. But still, that level of enthusiasm first thing in the morning coupled with the likes of Deku would be grating to anyone. He took extra care to mosey nonchalantly to his desk, hands shoved into his pockets irreverently.

Uraraka stood over Deku’s desk, her back blocking whatever he’d given her from view as Katsuki dropped into his seat. He tried to keep his eyes forward but every ecstatic coo from Uraraka and whatever Deku seemed to be muttering were putting him on edge. “Pink Cheeks.. Round Face.. no, Mochi-? I feel like I used that the other day…” he thought, shaking his head. “Ooh! Haven’t used ‘Kirby’ in a while,” he decided.

“Oi! Kirby! Unless this screeching is some new emergency broadcast system, how about you shutit?” Katsuki snarled, his teeth bared threateningly.

Uraraka was completely unfazed as she whirled around to face her classmate despite his notoriously explosive temper. “Oh, Bakugo! Check it out! I’ve got another All Might plushie!” she giggled, bringing the doll to her chest. “It’s so cool, I just don’t know what to do with him! I guess he can’t exactly twin with the one in my hero costume so I’ll keep this one in my room.”

Katsuki’s face deadpanned. “They aren’t twins, that one is Bronze Age All Might. It’s a totally different costume. Why would he give you that?” Mentally, he berated himself for revealing that he’d been eavesdropping which belied his strict air of indifference. But what the hell was Round Cheeks going to do with a rare artifact like that? Relatively rare. He had one too, after all. Deku and he had gotten them together years ago. The value of them surely exceeded one million yen, especially with the obsessive level of care Deku had when it came to his All Might memorabilia. Given the market, he probably wouldn’t go and buy another one either.

“Oh, uh, I figured Uraraka-san could use some cheering up. We just had a really tough mission a-and-” Deku proffered sheepishly, avoiding the discerning gaze of his childhood friend.

Katsuki’s eyes narrowed coldly, “I don’t give a shit about your work study.”

“Everyone! In your seats, class is about to begin!” Iida advised, inadvertently mediating the situation that seemed to be bubbling up between the 17th and 18th seats.

A deep sigh emanated from the yellow sleeping bag that lay perennially at the front of the class. “Thank you, Class Prez. It appears you’re the only one still standing though,” Aizawa observed as he emerged from his cocoon like a caterpillar who’d decided to say “fuck it” to the whole evolutionary process.

The heat from the blush that crept across Iida’s face could be felt in the back row of the classroom as he wordlessly took his seat.

“It would be illogical to ignore the fact that members of our class have experienced something beyond what mere hero students are meant to brave.” Aizawa was noticeably more bereft in his guidance for the day’s lesson. His words, while vague, were heavy enough to bow the heads of several students. Katsuki couldn’t help but notice that Uraraka, who mere moments ago had sunshine shooting out of her ass, was among those suddenly sullen. Before he could contemplate further, Aizawa continued somberly. “But it is a reality of becoming a Pro Hero. There may come a time, a mission, where everything boils down to life or death. If I’ve done my job correctly, you’ll be able to think rationally about how best to avoid that possibility.”

Katsuki cursed himself for jumping down Deku’s throat knowing all too well what had happened during the Shie Hassaikai sting operation. Kirishima had given him an earful, after all, and Deku was at the very center of it, per usual. There was a large part of him that sort of wished he knew what to say in situations like that. At least when it came to those he liked or respected. He didn’t really have the same flourish for sympathy that the nerd had so it’s not like that interaction could have gone differently. He didn’t want to admit that there was a small part of him that was also a bit jealous. Katsuki had, more or less, survived the same peaks and valleys Deku had. Worse if you count the whole being-kidnapped-by-The-League-of-Losers but that wasn’t quite the same. For all intents and purposes, he wasn’t exactly victorious in that great escape. From certain perspectives, it might have even looked like he needed assistance or saving. And there Deku was, ever the cunning strategist to extend a helping hand. The thought made Katsuki’s palms hot with rage. So, while there wasn’t a soul alive he’d admit this to and, even though he felt a bit like a piece of shit for thinking it… he wished he’d have been involved in the sting operation instead of having his hair brushed obsessively by Denim Head. Even with the casualties incurred, it felt like Deku had another slingshot to propel further ahead of him and practical experience as a hero while he was wasting away in tedium with all his talent.

This would just become another thorny point of contention between them. He made a mental note to throw a stern nod Deku’s way during hero training later that afternoon to broker some sense of acknowledgement of his suffering.

The morning lessons passed unremarkably though it seemed the teachers all had comparable feelings to convey about the mortality of hero work and the importance of preparedness. It felt like a lesson Katsuki didn’t quite have access to which wore on his nerves as the day went on. He’d begun to grind his teeth by the time All Might was making his way clumsily through similar sentiments.

“Surprised today’s lesson came with sound effects. Looks like trainings going to be rough…” Kaminari muttered, eyeing the sparks that had begun to crackle and pop around Katsuki’s hands.

“Better hope you don’t get paired with him, Denks. He’ll make you pay for that,” Sero smiled wryly.

“Not it!” Kaminari fretted, inching away from the ticking time bomb.

“-no longer zygotes, I see fledgling heroes, here,” All Might concluded his speech, the gravitas of his words undermined by the low growl that seemed to be vibrating from one of his pupils. “Ah, with that, pair up, young heroes!”

“Shitty Hair, with me!” Katsuki called, pushing past Deku on his way to the training grounds. “Tch! Move it, Half and Half!”

“Midoriya.”

Katsuki’s jaw clenched at the name. The casual way it fit in Todoroki’s mouth always made Katsuki seethe. Especially when Icy Hot was a massively arrogant prick when he started at UA. Especially to Class 1A, especially to Deku. Somehow, despite defeating Deku, the nerd still managed to break something within him. Something that Katsuki couldn’t coax out of him less than an hour later in the fight that would decide the winner of the sports festival. The decisive ferocity Todoroki had had in his fight against Deku didn’t even flicker when he faced Katsuki. It drove Katsuki up a wall, worse so when he realized that the fire he’d had in his belly morphed, somehow, into affection. The kind that could wrap its arms around his surname without a second thought.

“Todoroki! Did you want to partner up?” Izuku chirped expectantly.

“I suppose. But I thought I should talk to you about the All Might shirt you’d given me. I don’t think that I can accept the gesture.”

“HAH!?” Katsuki briefly broke character to round on the unfurling conversation though he was fortunately far enough away to not draw the attention of either participant. He ignored the shocked look on Kirishima’s tensed face as his two biggest rivals continued.

“I appreciate the thought but also wonder if it will be too small for me.”

“Oh, Todoroki! The shirt isn’t to wear, it’s just kind of… to keep.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand the purpose of a shirt you do not wear.”

One of Katsuki’s eyes became dangerously close to bugging out of his head.

“I-It’s a collectible? The value of the shirt comes from not wearing it. It’s official All Might merch that had a small run of shirts with a print error a few years ago and-and I want you to have it.” Deku smiled feebly.

Katsuki remembered the shirt well. They’d both fundraised (well, asked their moms for the money) to buy the shirts when they initially came out marking the dawn of a new All Might costume. This, of course, was before news of the elusive misprint circulated. They valiantly walked to the store unattended, two freshly minted kindergarteners taking on the world. They just barely survived the frenzy of people swarming the Pro Hero merch shop. They gleefully took their respective shirts to the front counter, carefully paying with exact change just like the hag had prepped them. Their smiles seemed to connect at the cheek and spread from ear to ear. It wasn’t until they got back to Katsuki’s that they realized one shirt had the proud “All Might” blazing across the top left pocket in English whereas the other inexplicably donned the phrase “All Fight”.

Katsuki remembered the way Deku’s face scrunched up right before big, fat tears welled in his eyes as he dragged his stubby fingers across the bold “F” that differentiated the shirt from his own. He was miserable and, for a moment, Katsuki was glad it wasn’t his shirt that was flawed. It wasn’t until days later that news of the misprinted shirts’ circulation hit the fan sites. He had to swallow his jealousy then. The shirt became a point of pride for Deku and hung, unworn, in a garment bag for years. Katsuki never had a reason to look up the value of the shirt beyond that first year but, surely, it outweighed that of the plush Deku had given Uraraka.

“I didn’t realize. Thank you, Midoriya. I will refrain from trying it on.”

The lack of excitement in Todoroki’s voice, the ignorance in acknowledging how grand of a gesture the gift was, all of it almost made Katsuki snap. Rather than launch a violently verbal outburst, he managed to barely suppress an explosion within his enclosed fist.

“Gah! You alright, bro?”

Katsuki was so consumed with the exchange taking place a stone’s throw away, he almost forgot he was still in Kirishima’s presence. He switched gears abruptly, shelving his curiosity and frustration and, instead, channeling his anger for a physical performance that rivaled the effort he put forth during the sports festival.

“Sheesh! You might be the only person who can handle Bakugo in hand to hand, man!” Sero clapped Kirishima on the back just as he released his hardening.

“His Howitzer definitely makes me wonder whether my quirk has a threshold, that’s for sure!” Kirishima laughed. “It’s like he knows I need to test my limits if I’m gonna go Pro! Bro is so manly for that. Now, more than ever, I know I gotta be prepared,” he smiled somberly, pensively studying his fist which still bristled with the remnants of his quirk.

The prattling of his friends didn’t even register as he wiped the sweat from his brow, and angrily made his way to the dorms. Nothing added up. The last thing an overzealous fanboy like Deku would do is part with merch so cavalierly. Even if some act of god were to sway his obsessive fanaticism, Katsuki would think he’d be the reasonable recipient of such keepsakes. For starters, he was there when Deku got most of them. Above all of that, even though he didn’t proudly fly his fanboy flag, Deku was intimately aware of All Might being his favorite hero, his inspiration to become a hero. Where the Uraraka thing could be chalked up to some weird comfort for their shared trauma, Todoroki rode the pine on that mission just like he did, so what gives?

“- I think it’s okay if you’re having a rough time but consider reaching out to the school counselor, ribbit.”

Suddenly aware of his proximity to the source of his ire, Katsuki slowed his gait but only slightly.

“Heh, you might be right, Asu-Tsuyu!” Deku whinced, a nervous hand resting on the back of his head. His shoulders seemed to tense as he looked away from his classmate.

“It just looks like you might not be sleeping, I guess I was just worried. But, you can tell me if I shouldn’t have said something.” Asui croaked, noticing Deku’s discomfort. She chanced a comforting hand but thought better of it just short of his shoulder, letting it hang limply between them. “I was thinking about going after classes too if you wanted to join..” she murmured.

“Yea, I just- Kacchan!”

“Too close,” Katsuki thought, rolling his eyes. “What, nerd?” he scoffed, though the question lacked its usual edge. He sidled up to the two without hastening his pace, his interest piqued by Asui’s gross display of concern.

“I was just thinking about you, actually! D-do you think we could talk later? Maybe after dinner rush?” While Deku’s inflection remained calm, the eyes he flashed Katsuki were pleading. It was a confusing dissonance given Katsuki’s assumption that Deku and Asui were pretty good friends. That and, while Deku was never subtle about his regard for Katsuki, he was also never so bold in requesting his attention or presence.

Katsuki squinted suspiciously at Deku, trying to decide on a response that wouldn’t give away his interest but would also make Deku sweat a bit. After all, this public appeal upset something deep within his gut, it was only right he return the favor. But even the glare that typically graced his face lost steam as he was able to study Deku up close for the first time in a while. His cheeks seemed to be a bit gaunt, not as plush and blushy as they usually were whenever he held his gaze. His eyes were sharply contrasted by puffy, dark circles that seemed to be in a competitive race to see which side would droop to his nose first. His typically unruly curls were.. well, they looked just the same but worse, somehow. “Frogger is right to be concerned…” he determined before responding to Deku distractedly, “yea. Whatever.”

Deku managed a feeble smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes before being called away by some extra.

In his absence, Katsuki’s eyes locked with Asui’s. She also looked slightly worse for wear but only in the sense that her eyes were maybe a bit red and puffy, likely from crying recently. Hell, maybe that’s just what she looked like, Katsuki wouldn’t know the difference. He also wasn’t exactly greatwith feelings. In fact, he couldn’t think of anyone worse than himself for anyone to cry to.

Asui seemed to know this, as well. “Be nice, Bakugo. I don’t think he’s doing well, at all. Don’t make it worse, ribbit.”

“Yea, yea, cry me a river..” he huffed, regretting his phrasing immediately.

Katsuki seemed to be in a daze as he prepared to hit the showers. The look on Deku’s face haunted him. He hadn’t looked in that worse of shape since middle school. He could pinpoint the day, in fact, as it was one that still turned his stomach. Katsuki’s arrogance, his general abrasiveness used to always be laser focused on Deku back then. He almost wished there was a froggy busybody to pull back the reins on him then, too. But his ego went roughly unchecked from the age of four until the UA entrance exams. He could recall only four instances that briefly shook his confidence throughout his adolescence.

One was after a fight with third graders when he was just barely out of kindergarten. He was obviouslyvictorious, but he may have cried a little bit which slightly tarnished the win.

The second time was a stupid spill into a river in front of his minions which he, like, barelyremembered if he was being honest….

The third and fourth times fell on the same day, the day he recalled Deku looking his worst.

He’d spent years by that point scratching away at Deku’s resolve to be a hero, decimating the confidence that dared to stand up to him, time and time again. That day, in all his bravado, with the supportive taunts from lackeys he no longer consorts with, he remembered tossing one of Deku’s carefully curated notebooks into the school pond. A critical hit. That would have been enough but his racing pulse, his blood that always ran a littletoo hot, got carried away and took it a step too far.

“Take a swan dive off the roof!” he’d sneered to the uproarious laughter of surrounding NPC’s. He didn’t remember the exact phrase he’d used but he remembered the sentiment. Moreover, while he could distance himself from the words, from the cruelty of them, he couldn’t as easily dismiss the broken look on Deku’s face. It immediately seared itself onto his mind’s eye and made him wish he could swallow the conversation and erase it from the collective memory of those who’d heard it. Even as a bunch of their peers proceeded to praise him, proceeded to glad hand him. He continued the afternoon in their company, anxiously ruminating on what he’d said and wondering if they were enough to push someone over the edge, push Deku over the edge. Surrounded by flunkies, he was isolated by his cowardice at not only saying such things but, also, not being man enough to apologize or brave enough to face Deku to make sure he didn’t take his taunts seriously.

The next hit to his confidence came when that quirkless nerd, raw from having been told to killhimself, still threw himself into harm’s way to save him. Between gasping breaths, Katsuki’s desperate eyes locked with Deku’s fearful ones, both glimmering with tears. Deku was scared but he was there wearing an unbridled grin with no clue what to do next. In that moment, Katsuki recognized Deku, er, Midoriya… to be a better man than he was. A better hero. Because he could overlook Katsuki’s malice, could ignore his own fear, could have nothing to fall back on, and still come to Katsuki’s rescue.

It unnerved Katsuki then. But, when he later became privy to the conversation Deku had had with All Might merely moments before? The fact that Deku could indomitably shake off the hopeless words of their idol while conveniently stranded on a roof…? He shuddered at the memory inadvertently. It stirred the bubbling guilt in Katsuki’s stomach, one he’d not been able to quell in the months since starting at UA. Moreover, the hits to his ego just kept coming while Deku continued to rise above people’s low expectations of him.

They both had come a long way since then. Their relationship had improved by leaps and bounds, typically against Katsuki’s own best efforts. Yet, here he was, reminded of that day just the same. He absently continued with his post training bath, decidedly ignoring those who buzzed around him. Occasionally, he chanced a glance at Deku who, while still visibly withdrawn, stayed in the company of Todoroki and Iida.

As Class 1A trickled into the grand mess hall for dinner, Katsuki was still notably distracted. Even as Kirishima, Kaminari, Sero and Mina could laugh and joke around him, he still felt as though he were on edge. He pushed the food on his plate around aimlessly, Deku’s request to talk after dinner turning over in his head. His behavior had been gnawing away at him all day. It all just felt a bit too much like before. The bob of green hair in the corner of his eye roused him from his reverie.

“Midoriya! This does not appear to be a proper meal! As a growing hero, you must take your health and nutrition seriously!” Iida chastised loudly as he, Deku, Todoroki, Uraraka and Asui made their way to a largely uninhabited table in the cafeteria. There, just within earshot, they sat off in his blind spot.

“Don’t be dramatic, Iida! Deku’s been fine! He’s just been-” Uraraka paused a beat before continuing. “Deku, all you got was rice? You love Lunch Rush’s food… maybe Iida is right.”

“Midoriya. Cold soba is nutritionally balanced and a comfort to eat-“

“Todoroki, no...” Katsuki could practically hear Uraraka shaking her head.

“Heh, guys, I’m fine.. you don’t have to worry about me. I just haven’t felt very hungry lately. There’s reallynothing to worry about.” Deku’s laugh felt hollow but the concerned chatter seemed to dial back.

“Well, Midoriya, in this very hall you once extended an offer to speak if I needed it. At the time, I refused to ask for your help and I frequently regret that lapse in judgement. I hope that you know that I, too, am here for you.”

“We all are, ribbit.”

“I’m FINE!” Deku shot back a bit too defiantly. “I mean.. there’s really nothing to discuss,” he insisted a bit more gently. The shrill uptick in his inflection rubbed Katsuki the wrong way.

“Well… perhaps we can discuss the nature of this toy you’d left at my door, Midoriya. I am unaware of any rules that prohibit them on campus but you did not need to avail yourself to bring it to me.”

“Bakubro, you alright?” Kirishima prodded pulling Katsuki back into his surroundings. Unbeknownst to him, he’d abandoned the show of eating altogether and had begun scowling. He shook off the question, deepening his knit brows, curious as to how Deku would evade the scrutiny of the class president once more.

“It’s not a toy, it’s an action figure, Iida. I just… I thought you’d like it. I, uh, picked it up when I went home to visit my mom yesterday.”

“Ah, I see. From its condition, I was uncertain what to glean. I admire the craftmanship, of course. My brother had several successful lines of merchandise, but I do not believe they hold a candle to some of the more seasoned Professional Heroes. I will return it to your care after dinner.”

“-am I right, Bakubabe?” Ashido’s singsong voice broke Katsuki’s concentration as she playfully draped an arm around his shoulders.

“Some fucking friends.” Katsuki muttered gathering his things to make a hasty exit.

“Woah, no need to be so mean, Kacchan!” Kaminari called after him in jest. “What’s eating him?”

“… Isn’t it obvious?” Ashido sighed.

“All signs point to Midobro…” Kirishima surmised, chancing a glance over at Deku’s table. While his back was to Kirishima’s, the anguish on the faces of those opposite him spoke volumes.

“Oh! Kacchan! You’re still coming by later, right?” Deku called after Katsuki who had already begun fading from view.

“Recognizing Suicidal Behavior”

The words seared themselves on Katsuki’s eyes from his phone as he lay in bed, searching for an answer he couldn’t bring himself to ask Deku himself.

“Individual factors… anxiety disorder…. Relationship factors… history of bullying, lost relationships… socially isolated… ashamed to ask for help. Warning signs.” Katsuki murmured as he scanned the site. “Sad or moody, check. Withdrawing from others, check. Changes in personality, appearance, sleep pattern, check, check, check… experiencing recent trauma…. Making… preparations.”

Anxiety stung at his eyes as a fire welled in his chest, licking at his ears. The grip on his phone tightened as he brought it down to his stomach, his teeth grinding painfully. He forced several deep breaths in and out, in and out. “That dumbass. There’s no way. There’s no fucking way. I’ll kill him.” Katsuki rose with a start and wiped the anguish from his face, angrily.

He threw his door open and stomped his way to Deku’s dorm, ripe for confrontation. His balled fist rapped on the door aggressively. If he could see beyond his anger or his concern, he’d probably be worried the door would give way completely. He could hear shuffling from within the room and waited with bated breath.

“Kacchan! I didn’t expect you so soon!” Deku beamed as he carefully slipped through his slightly ajar door. The light that normally shone in his eyes, dimmed by the state of his sallow face.

Katsuki’s fist hung in the space between them menacingly.

“I just-I had something I’d been wanting to give you...” Deku’s eyes lowered, fully engrossed by the tiles on the floor of the hall.

Katsuki’s eyes narrowed to slits. On one hand, he intrusively thought it was about damn time that the nerd acknowledged him but on the other, he was starkly reminded of what had drawn his anger in the first place.

“I hope you don’t judge me too harshly. I.. had him sign it when he took me on as his successor..” Deku admitted under his breath. He gingerly pulled a trading card secured in a protective cover from his pocket and firmly held two corners between his thumbs tensely as he formally presented it to Katsuki.

“Just what the hell do you think you’re doing, hah!?” Katsuki spat darkly, forcibly pushing the trading card back into Deku’s chest. His fearfully questioning expression finding refuge below his bangs. They’d had twin All Might trading cards for over ten years. They’d received both on the same day, at the same time with a stroke of luck that had failed them through what felt like cases mystery packs until, finally, they both ripped open the limited #1 All Might trading card at the same time. Katsuki recalled the shock and joy that had warmed both their smiles that day. He wondered, if happiness felt like the bright, fiery sun on your face, did Deku’s sadness feel like the absence of that? Like the chill of an abruptly setting sun when you expected a long lazy day? Katsuki never liked the cold.

“Kacchan, I-“

“You think I don’t know what you’re doing!? What you’re planning!? Why the fuck-” his head hung parallel to the ground, fist still lingering in midair. “Is it- is it my fault?” The question pushed passed his lips before he could bite it back.

“I’m not sure- I don’t… think I know what you mean.”

Deku’s voice was soft and muffled in Katsuki’s ears. Could barely be heard above the sound of his own pounding pulse booming in his ears. Yet Katsuki could hear the distress that dripped off of his words. “How dare you worry about me when you couldn’t be bothered to think about me while you were doing all of this!” Katsuki growled, becoming aware of sparse tears that had started to trace their way down his face. Every word felt labored, like they were pushing their way forcibly from the pit of his stomach through his esophagus.

“Kacchan-“

“You think after everything you can just fucking leave!? Just give away your shit and end it all!?” Katsuki’s words steadied sharply behind his gritted teeth.

“No, you’re mistak-” Deku feebly proffered, his hands raised defensively. He looked around the abandoned hallway, hoping no one was in earshot of this desperate conversation. “I don’t-”

“You think I believe you!? You’re not right in the head, never were. And now, giving away everything we collected over the years to those fucking extras. And this!” his head shot up to stare blearily about face to his childhood friend, backhanding the treasured trading card away from him. Katsuki’s voice dropped lower, barely above a rasp. “I.. it’s my fault. Is this my fault?” he whispered hoarsely.

Deku’s eyes widened seeing the tears falling freely from Katsuki’s face. Apprehension sculpted his eyebrows before decisively ushering Katsuki into his room, afraid someone would overhear them. Uncertain what to do next, he stared at Katsuki waiting for inspiration to guide him.

Instead, Katsuki filled the silence with his fears. “You think you can just up and disappear, fade from existence and people wouldn’t care? I wouldn’t… notice?” The distance between them felt thick with Katsuki’s tears. His cheeks and nose burned with an exposed vulnerability he hadn’t felt since the last time Deku had made him feel small and uncertain, powerless, even. He wiped his nose with his forearm, feeling his anger welling up once more by the stupid confusion on Deku’s face.

He lowered his face once more, both fists balled at his sides. “I know I have no right to this or to expect anything between us to change. But there hasn’t been a day where I haven’t regretted the crap I said to you last year… or any year before that. It eats at me, not knowing if, one day, you’d actually act on what I said to you because sometimes this shit is too much and I gave you an idea like that. How can I be a hero if I can say such awful fucking things to someone? I don’t know what you’re going through but I know whatever it is, it’s temporary. I know shit went left on that mission and I don’t know how you feel about it. But I can guess you probably think it’s your fault because you take too much on yourself. Like you could have changed something that Pro Heroes couldn’t even avoid… But I know it wasn’t your fault. I know you did everything you could even before Shitty Hair told me about it...”

Deku’s hands knotted themselves nervously before he sent a hand to quell the blossoming heat on the back of his neck, all the while averting his gaze from Katsuki who stood exposed like a wound.

Incited by the persisting quiet between them, Katsuki continued to wring out the thoughts that plagued him, hoping they’d connect to someone he felt so adrift from. “Ever since we got to UA, nothing’s ever gone the way I thought it would. I couldn’t understand it, it was all supposed to be so easy for me. Instead, you just kept shooting further and further ahead of me and, for the longest time, I fucking resented you for that. Like this was karma for all the fucked up crap I put you through even though that resentment is the same reason I treated you so badly before. Even before we got here, it always felt like you were looking down on me with those stupid eyes. The ones that knew the truth about the shitty things I was capable of and the ones that knew you’d be a hero come hell or high water..”

Katsuki clutched at the collar of his shirt, drawing courage he wasn’t certain he had. “I can’t… I can’t change the shit I said before. But I can apologize, now, De- I-Izuku. And I can tell you I’m not going to let you slip through my fucking fingers like this. You can’t and you better not think you can chicken shit your way out of this. I’ll put you on watch my fucking self if I have to,” he decided defiantly, knowing even this wouldn’t make things between them square.

His eyebrows gathered expectantly waiting for a response, not sure whether he could face his childhood friend. Suddenly uncomfortable with his honesty and uncertain whether Izuku could give him the absolution he needed, his bravado began to take over, “Besides- I can’t be number one if I don’t beat everybody and that means you, too, you shitty nerd. So don’t think you can take the easy way out.”

“Kacchan… I… Did you-? I’m not going to kill myself.” Izuku declared, bewildered by Katsuki’s assertion.

Katsuki could feel one of his eyes twitching angrily. “HAH?” Surely, he didn’t misread the situation. Izuku checked all the despondent boxes complete with giving prized keepsakes to those he considered closest. What else could this be if not a call for help? Was denial normal in the face of confrontation for stuff like this? Maybe he should have gone straight to Aizawa instead of sticking his foot in his mouth… again. His eyes shot up to interrogate Izuku more directly. “You mean to tell me, that all this was….” the question died on his lips, his eyes widening. “Is that? Is that the 10th Anniversary All Might poster that was never released for sale for the public??”

“You shitty fucking nerd.” Katsuki laughed derisively. Both boys sat with their knees tented and their backs against Izuku’s dorm room door staring up at the victorious gaze of their idol hero, All Might.

“I can’t believe you thought I’d kill myself...” Izuku tightly hugged his knees to his chest.

“As if I committed the biggest faux pas here.” Katsuki’s eyes rolled, a disbelieving grin tugging at his upturned lips. “And, naturally, you thought giving away all your other merch would make you feel less guilty.”

“I wanted it so bad, Kacchan. I knew it’s what Sir Nighteye would have wanted…” Izuku nodded, his eyes wide and a bit of dribble pooling at one corner of his mouth.

“You fucking otaku! You couldn’t even wait for the body to get cold before you were doubling back for that poster, huh?” Katsuki’s laugh was harsh and unexpected but, in light of the recent revelation, put Izuku to some semblance of ease.

“I didn’t think it should go to waste…” Izuku’s gaze lowered as his voice dropped off. “Now I can’t bare to look at it, it’s like All Might himself is judging me.”

“Can’t ya just ask the real All Might? I’m sure he’d give you some peace of mind about it.”

“Kacchan, how can I ask the real All Might after what I’ve done? I swear it was like I was in a fugue state. One minute, I’m at the hospital with Mirio, Bubble Girl and Centipeder, and the next I’m in his dark office with this poster rolled under my arm. How can I be a hero after this?” Izuku exasperated, burying his head between his knees.

Katsuki exhaled slowly, lightly throwing his head back as he came to terms with how similar he and Izuku were. Both looked up to All Might in different but not incorrect ways. Both wanted to be number one. Both knew a treasure when they saw it. He snorted, “If I can continue on the path to number one after everything I put you through, I think I can give you the greenlight to still be a hero. We’re not our pasts… even if your past is like.. from yesterday, you little shit.”

“Kacchan!” Izuku groaned. “You’re making it worse!”

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding. If you can promise to stay the course, I can promise to keep your secret.” Katsuki stared sidelong at the ball of regret beside him. He cocked his head waiting for a reluctant response.

“Secret, huh?”

“You’ve kept mine, after all. ‘ts the least I can do.” Katsuki elbowed Izuku playfully, rousing him from his withdrawn position.

“… you know you can let that one go, Kacchan. Maybe I’ve just always known the way you were, but... there’s never been anything you’ve done that’s made you less of a hero to me.” Izuku’s words were muffled by the forearm that still pressed firmly against his mouth.

Katsuki looked away bashfully, his eyes meeting All Might’s. Maybe this was another thing the nerd had that he’d covet. Somehow, seeing the weight of it, the burden of it, put it into perspective. He smiled softly, letting his head lean slackly against the door. "Better to have a rival than a memory."he thought, suddenly grateful to relish in the unspoken familiarity they had even after all this time.

A/N: As inspired by, “Say Yes to Heaven” by Lana Del Rey because I feel like I once saw a tiktok where a Bakugo cosplayer insinuated they’d keep a watchful eye on Deku who’d begun giving away things that were important to him (or maybe that was a just a Mandela effect).

While in this instance, Izuku was just really, really sketchy, be aware of the impact you have on others and be mindful of the behavior of those you care about. There are always resources available and someone to speak to.

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acertainmoshke · 2 years ago

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To Die Among the Stars sounds really cool!

I'm so glad you think so because it's the one I'm currently actively trying to write! The general premise is that in a somewhat dystopian future, 20 "volunteers" are taken from places like prisons and hospitals and poor desperate parts of cities as human test subjects for a second try at FTL travel aimed at a distant but supposedly livable planet. The story cycles POV between 4 of these characters. No one expects them to make it - they need their mental health and biometric data on the experience to improve it for next time. I only just got to the part where they actually start flying, so I'm going to include the pasta scene I added for a bit of silliness. At this point they're in the facility where they get a few weeks of training on how to exist in space.

Scene below the cut. (Keep in mind this is my first draft and will be polished later)

Pixel ran their hands across the blue and red counters and the doors beneath them. They were covered with the wavy dent patterns that came from quick-printing. They drifted all the way to the corner before folding onto their knees to look in the nearest cupboard. It was packed full of boxes. They had to squint in the dim light to see them at all, but the pictures on most of them weren’t helpful—people dancing or playing or laughing but not eating.

On the sixth try, they shook the box without looking. It rattled. Peel it open. It was full of small things… Pixel dipped their hand inside to pull one out. It looked like a noodle. That was good, they liked noodles. They popped it in their mouth.

No! Alarm! Not a noodle! It was something dry and too hard to chew. It made a small clinking sound when they spit it on the floor.

There was a soft sound behind them, like talking but too soft for talking. Pixel froze. It was dark and late and they were alone with Wire very far away.

“Sorry. Do you need help?” The voice was still very soft, just on the edge of hearing, but it had a nice little vibration to it that tickled their ears.

One-two-three-breath-turn. They looked back. Behind them was—a robot. An actual robot, not a modded human. And it was beautiful. It looked like the kind of robot toys other children had when Pixel was young, except as big as a person. Its legs and arms were thin jointed rods of metal. Its body was a shiny rounded cylinder, like a pill, but half-hidden behind a bright sweater. Its face was simple with light-up eyes and a fixed smile. Its eyes were glowing a soft red in the dark.

It was probably a programmed assistant for the…whoever they were. Pixel held up the box. “Food?”

The robot buzzed before answering. The sound was nice in their ears. “Yes, but even I know you have to cook pasta before you can eat it.”

Pixel, still kneeling on the shimmery floor, looked at the multiple appliances up on the counter. They looked back at the robot and held out the box.

The robot’s tone changed. They couldn’t read the new tone, but they knew it was different. “I don’t know how. I don’t eat.”

Pixel shrugged at it and got up. They could make mods that let you see in infrared light or meant you could digest not-food things. They could figure this out. They opened the nearest appliance and put the box inside. Closed it again. Squinted at the buttons. None of them had pictures.

The robot’s steps were surprisingly quiet. Pixel looked down. It wasn’t wearing shoes. Padding?

“You can’t read.”

They shook their head.

“I don’t know what I’m doing either, but I can read the buttons. You must be smart to be here for some other useful reason. We’ll figure it out.”

It was nice to be talked to like an adult person by someone other than Wire, even if it was just by a robot. Pixel nodded their agreement. Pointed to the big, long button at the top.

The robot leaned very close to read over their shoulder, but the closeness didn’t hurt. They didn’t feel hot, sticky breath on their neck or the pressure of another body near them. When the robot spoke again, its voice was tuned soft enough that even an inch away Pixel didn’t flinch. “‘Start.’ That seems like the last step. I saw an ad for a pot during my research last year. Pasta needs to get wet before it’s soft enough to eat.”

There was a sink three steps away. Pixel turned the knob and water rushed out loudly, soaking the thin box of noodles. It was slimy now, a feeling that ran up their fingers, through their arm, across their neck, and finally filled their head with an unpleasant feeling of too many popping bubbles. All their thoughts got lost. They threw it back in the cooking machine, desperately wiping their hands on their new clothes, and looked back at the robot.

The robot’s face never changed but its voice did, just a little. “I don’t think that’s right.”

Pixel’s hands twisted hard in their tunic.

“I think figuring this out might mean looking it up.”

#Pixel is autistic and I love them with everything I am #they're the most fun to write #the robot is named Void #and it actually does go by it pronouns #but that was a choice not a robot default #thank you for this!!#to die among the stars #Moshe writes #ask game #writeblr

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jimmycarterghostland · 9 months ago

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Writing multiple point of view fiction: How to give each of your narrators a distinct character voice

My current writing project is a multiple point of view web novel. I've done some research on multiple POV writing, and I am better at it than I was years ago(I hope). So I want to give some tips to aspiring authors, because I don't want you to write horrible multiple POV fiction like I used to do.

1 Before you write multiple POV fiction, you really need to know each of your narrators. Is he or she arrogant? Or are they humble? What are their hobbies? How do they see the world? How old are they? If one of your narrators is a seventy-year-old man, and the other is a five-year-old boy, they shouldn't have the same narrative voice.

Picture a 70-year-old man named Doug. Now let me write something:

Doug walked past the huge building.

Now picture a 5-year-old boy named Tony:

Tony walked past the big building.

See how these two narrators don't read the same? Doug is an old man who referred to the building as huge, while the kid Tony referred to it as big. Doug and Tony don't have the same character voice. Doug has a larger vocabulary. Tony is a young boy who knows less words than the older narrator.

Doug would see two dogs mating and knows that they're breeding. While Tony might see the same thing and thinks they're playing with each other.

When you write multiple POV fiction, give each of your narrators a different vocabulary than the others.

2 Now, let's see how character personalities affect things.

Suppose one of your narrators is an arrogant, narcissistic character. How do you think his narration would read? It might go something like this:

Ricky was a great man, and no one was better than he was. No one would ever be better than Ricky Smith.

Can't you just tell that Ricky is arrogant and thinks so highly of himself? Meanwhile, if Ricky was a more humble person, his narration wouldn't read as arrogantly as the above.

3 What are their hobbies?

Picture Jack, who loves to skateboard:

Finishing the test would be easy for Jack. It would be as easy as doing an ollie.

See how Jack mentions a skateboard trick in his narration? That's another great example of character voice. Jack is a skateboarder, so he mentally thinks about how finishing that test will be as easy as doing an ollie.

Also, a narrator's career can affect his or her character voice. A police officer might use similes involving handcuffs or high-speed police chases.

4 What are their opinions?

Picture a character who hates cats. While a character who loves them might refer to one as "the beautiful cat", the cat-hating character might refer to that same cat as "the stupid cat". Let your narrators' opinions affect their character voice.

5 Insults

One good thing to do when writing multiple POV fiction is give each of your characters an insult only they would use. If one character calls people "fool" a lot, have that word appear in his dialogue and his inner monologue. Something like: Bob punched the fool.

See how Bob doesn't just call people fools, but he refers to someone else as one in his narration?

...

You have to make your narrators unique. You have to know how they think, their life experiences, their hobbies, etc.

One author who has mastered writing multiple POV is George RR Martin. His A Song of Ice and Fire series has unique narrators with their own unique vocabulary. I've read other multiple POV book series, but Martin is the only author I've seen write multiple POV fiction well. He understands his characters, and he does a great job at making their personalities, views of the world, etc. affect the way their chapters read. A Bran chapter definitely doesn't read like a Cersei one, for example. If you need more help with making your narrators each have a distinct character voice, I suggest you read the ASOIAF books and see how Martin distinguishes his narrators from each other.

The tips I made can even be used for writing distinct character voice in general. It could help you with your single POV fiction, if you're writing in that category.

When I was a younger, less skilled writer, I used to do a terrible job at writing multiple POV fiction. I made all my narrators sound the same as the others in my works. It was awful. But I've gotten much better at making my narrators unique. I've gotten better at writing character voice in general.

I want writers to be better, and I want to read better multiple POV fiction, so I hope my tips will help you.

Writing multiple point of view fiction can be hard, but it doesn't have to be. It's never too late to improve your writing. Just remember that.

#writing tips #writing #writing community #multiple pov #multiple pov fiction #fiction #literature #how to write

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findusinaweek · 2 years ago

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Fandom ask game: 4, 6, 16?

Oh! Hi! 4) Mmm. Attack On Titan, off and on. I think any large fandom kinda just sucks to be in through. I'm not really in the fandom. More like hanging off the edge asking "May I please see Ymir and Erwin?".

Fruits Basket fandom in 2007?-2013 as an Akito roleplayer because Akito is a terrible person. I can't deny that. So everyone expects you to roleplay them in their worst moments. But I was more interested in the religious/familial hierarchy roles they fulfill and the gender fuckery from the manga. And most other people in the fandom circles I was in were there from the anime. So...not only was I roleplaying from a different gender, I was roleplaying with entirely different motivations than the others and it made everything rather annoying. I hated their favorite characters and they hated mine (which is fair, Akito and Shigure are terrible people that are meant for each other.). Honestly, anime fandoms in general have been pretty awful. And that brief trip into Homestuck. Oh yeah. The Borderlands fandom. I love more terrible people in those games.

6) The Locked Tomb because it has very visually appealing fanart and everyone keeps selling me on it. But I don't have the mental energy to finish a book.

I'm playing both Disco Elysium and Hades but they are very hard for me to get into gameplay wise. I really like the fandoms though. So I need to actually play the games.

Barbarians but I don't have the energy for subtitles either. I'm just full of mental blocks lately, but things are getting better.

16) Ok, here are some things I'd like to do:

I want to make a smutty Alexidas comic? series of pictures? to this song. I've had it planned out for months. I have the...references. I have time.

On the same note I want to do a comic of Deimos! Alexios and his...child self? to this song. I think it'd be healing?

I want to write the Eruri modern au/record shop au fic that I made a playlist for in 2018.

I want to make a series of Kassandra pictures in AUs.

I want to make a lithograph of Brasidas.

I want to singlehandedly make a sequel to Dream Daddy but it's just a Mary Christiansen and maybe Val but I've already dated a Val and that went badly dating sim. You can date her and she leaves Joseph for you. You live the rest of your days in a happy group with Amanda and Mary's terrifying children and Robert visits often and gets in recovery for alcoholism.

Uh. I want to write a lot more weird little fics for AC Odyssey and apparently they will all have to do with hair.

I want to finish my WIPs.

I want to start the planned depressing yet wholesome Steddie Christmas/holiday fics I had dreamed up.

I want to make some filthy Borderlands stuff. Idk what kinda stuff. I haven't thought that far. Just. Some stuff. Should exist.

I want to make a massive oil painting portrait of Eliot Waugh from the Magicians. Also one of Brasidas. Also one of Kassandra. Also one of Erwin Smith. Also one of Anna Karenina. Also one of...ok my teenage dreams were oil portraitist so that's just...a thing I want to do.

I want to learn how to sew really well and recreate every outfit Villanelle ever wears in Killing Eve.

I want to learn the shanties in AC Odyssey and record myself doing every voice so I can just do harmony with myself.

I want to write a fic to go along with the Alexidas pieta to explain how I feel about Alexios grieving.

I have a lot of dreams.

#Ask game #thanks aeide!#sorry I got carried away

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astrobei · 2 years ago

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hi suni!! 73, 90, and 94 for the writer asks if u feel like it <33

hi parker :^)) i need u to know i tried posting this like 4 times and every time it would not save my answer to the last question so !! FIFTH TIME’S THE CHARM !!

73. how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

oh this is so interesting and one of those things i don’t rly think about while i’m writing bc it just Happens? but now that i’m thinking about it i definitely definitely see things kind of like. acted out in my head !! especially when describing body language and dialogue and stuff like that it’s super helpful and easier than descriptions or prose because i just get this mental picture in my head of the scene and i can like hear the characters talking kind of and i just write down the dialogue/movements/setting as i see it or as it unfolds in my Mind. if that makes sense !! thinking about it i feel like writing is actually more visual than descriptive for me because i really do just see stuff in my head and just describe what i’m picturing and i think the reason why i get so carried away with scenes where there’s a lot of dialogue/movement is because i am but a mere meat vessel that exists for transcribing whatever my Brain sees

90. do you notice your own voice in your writing style?

oh my god yes 100% !! even as someone who finds it hard to objectively perceive their own writing(i can’t for the life of me tell you what i think my style is or anything) but genuinely whenever i write it’s just a stream of my own consciousness and i think it shows !! especially when i write mike and his internal monologue im literally just getting momentarily possessed by his spirit and then word vomiting onto the google doc <3 what’s also funny is that i’ve had 3 different people send me this line from my fake dating fic and say “you” bc i really do just. threaten to hit things with a stick on a daily basis so. short answer: Yes !

94. do you prefer dialogue or description?

ooooh i would say dialogue !! it comes a lot easier to me and that’s where the bulk of my Overwriting problem lies because i just think it’s so much fun !! especially like. silly lighthearted banter and flirting and for building tension and when i’m visualizing a scene in my head the flow of conversation back and forth is a lot easier for me to picture than describing something and it feeling a bit repetitive if that makes sense? plus i feel like the characters’ voices really get to come through !! i love my inner monologue and description of course but dialogue is definitely where i get carried away :^)

#this was so incoherent #so sorry parker #these were so fun tho thaaaaaank u !!#/ask

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paimonial-rage · 2 years ago

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i've never used ff.net before, but i get that feeling of people interacting with your fic from ages ago. i used to write on wattpad and i occasionally get emails of activity. boggles my mind.

i love Sharing A Drink They Call Loneliness. the title itself is already chef's kiss. i mentioned in my tags that reader is a great foil for zhongli. teaching him that a life forgotten is not a life wasted is so interesting, especially for someone who lived for thousands of years and has mentioned concerns of stories being lost to time. there is an ounce of truth in it for a human: just because they are forgotten it didn't mean they didn't live their life wastefully.

kind of jealous at people who can just "hear" characters in their head. i have a lot of difficulty with that but maybe i haven't put enough effort? i can vouch that your dialogue is entertaining, kekek. is there a specific reason why you can't write kaeya?

you're right about vilifying people who have hurt you. life is never that simple as much as we want it to be. not that oversimplification is bad, but oversimplification without acknowledgment of complexities is just wishful thinking--to me. i think that's also the area of mental illness people can't romanticise, so it's rarely talked about even though such mental states and its effects are very real.

you briefly mentioned writing a thoma x reader exploring this theme and i am so down bad for it. i AGREE. i've shared this with my friends but thoma is very lucky he found himself in a loving family. his sense of loyalty can go so wrong in bad hands, and i don't think the kamisatos are that innocent either. i mean, hyv probably want to portray them as such, but fanfiction is transformative work for a reason, haha.

omg 4 goals... i wish you all the best with yae's fic. it's definitely a double-edge sword not having a clear picture of what you're going to write. may 2023 be a year we finish a portion of our wips, haha. -- @milkstore

It just boggles me. Why are people reading fics from so long ago? Are they that deprived of cringe content??? I don’t have any works on Wattpad though… which probably is a good thing. There’s a lesser chance of them being found on a dying site… :’)

And despite whatever I say, Sharing a Drink They Call Loneliness is actually my favorite fic. I love having convos like that with my friends. You’re completely right about reader being a foil. Whenever I see Zhongli, I always felt that like… he needs a friend, one that only knows him as Zhongli, and one that can give a different frank point of view. I’m excited to write the companion piece to that one, But It’s Better Than Drinking Alone. But I’m still trying to work out everything in my head. It takes place after his second character quest.

While I can hear character’s voices in my head, I’m definitely not the best at figuring out how they’ll even respond in the first place. If I know how they’ll respond, I can figure out how they’ll word their response. For Kaeya, I NEVER know how he’ll respond to things. So reading your Kaeya fics, it’s just so fascinating. You write him in a way that has me like, “I WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!!!!” It’s so in character. I love it!

And you’re completely right about the oversimplifying without addressing the complexities. With mental illness too, it’s easy for people to whine about how much it affects them, but it’s rare people look at the effect their mental illness(es) have on others. Or at look at it objectively and not in the eyes of “oh I hate myself so much I’m a burden :’((((((“

For that Thoma story I want to write, you’re completely right. I don’t think the Kamisatos are as innocent as they make them out to be. I feel Ayaka is aware of everything, but Ayato… Have you ever read his line about preferring dogs? I’m sure all of his servants and the Shuumatsuban are extremely loyal, but I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be raised like that. Children naturally want praise and they’ll try their best to achieve it. So to devote their life so loyally only to be treated as nothing better than a dog in the end. And then on top of that for such a favored position of housekeeper and close confidant to be given to a foreigner? I imagine it’d break a person.

And thank you for the best wishes!!! Not having a clear view is killing me. I may write it and then put in a deleted scene…… Idk…. orz DO YOUR BEST TOO.

Answering two asks in this haha

I know right??? People that can write a full story with only a few words… It’s a power that I do not possess. Especially one that has a very satisfying ending and achieves the right level of emotional impact. Even though you deleted your Kaveh fic, I really loved the way you illustrated the reader’s mental state. You didn’t state it clearly, but painted the scene clearly of anxiety-induced stagnancy and how it gets worse the more you stay stagnant.

I really need to do research on romance tho haha. Like… When I first started writing that Zhongli fic, people sent messages wanting there to be romance and I remember sitting there like… “I didn’t write this with romance in mind….” Honestly I have a hard time seeing him pursue a romance with a mortal, let alone any romance in the first place. As of right now, I still am not sure how I want it to end or if I’m capable of having it have a more intimate end. I’ll have to just see where it takes me. orz

And thank you for the offer for beta reading! I actually will take you up on that. I just need to find the time to message you. I swear I have a discord but I always forget to hop on it. I know I said I’d message you a while back, but I still plan on doing it!!!! I just have to get over the fear of sending a message and being like, “Hello, sorry my wips are a tangled mess…. :’))))” I’m just shy lol orz

You mentioned love triangles in your reply to my ask and like… Harems and love triangles are on the same level for me. I will respect your right to torture yourself with harems. LOL I’ve actually lowkey seen a harem irl for myself and like… In love triangles and harems, the person everyone falls in love with are always clueless, but like… THAT JUST AIN’T REALISTIC IRL. Those people know exactly what they’re doing. They just like the attention too much to give it up.

…

That being said… That being said……….. When I see those things happening irl, I don’t really care. I can interact with all of those people just fine. They’re all usually very fun people. But somehow when it is in written format, my brain just explodes and I just, “AAUUUGHGHGHGHGH”

#anon #ask #this took so long aaaaaa #also i forgot to mention that i saw the same tweet and was like #'oh thank god i'm not the only one'#i heard that in the other translations he's not as harsh though so like.......#hopefully someone posts the differences eventually so i can get a more accurate opinion

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catboy-jaebeom · 2 years ago

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I posted 9,513 times in 2022

That's 6,262 more posts than 2021!

41 posts created (0%)

9,472 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

lefluff

@eyes-of-simha

@meant-to-be-a-hero

@arel-o-imladris

@iforgotmyurl

I tagged 7,353 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#got7 - 778 posts

#positivity - 740 posts

#!!! - 662 posts

#writing ideas - 613 posts

#writing references - 550 posts

#art - 454 posts

#cats - 289 posts

#queer stuff - 277 posts

#bitter millennial blogging - 250 posts

#hübsche menschen - 226 posts

Longest Tag: 124 characters

#🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸

My Top Posts in 2022:

week two of #got7revival: fave era

visually: JayB's Piercing Era

this was the first look and the first couple of pictures I've ever seen of Jaebeom, and although I wasn't present yet when it happened, mentally I'm still there and I cannot wait for him to maybe at least get his nose pierced again. YOU GUYS WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAS HAPPENED!! I've seen the posts of non-ahgase asking who the "piercing guy in GOT7" was, and I wish I had already been a kpop fan at that time, but alas. ( the long hair is a very pretty bonus, too!! )

See the full post

10 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

week one of #got7revival: bias & wrecker

bias: Jaebeom & Youngjae

jaebeom was the first member of GOT7 I found while looking for faceclaims for my fantasy novel about one and a half years ago ( march 2021 ) ; he got me and a friend into kpop and the rest is history. I love this weird cat guy ( affectionate ) with his twin moles and the utter passion and leadership he always brings to the table. I also adore that he talks about his depression and anxiety so relatively openly. he wouldn't need to, and yet he does, and I respect that a lot. it makes even me feel better about myself, and I thought I had a really good grip on mine.

once I knew the members and had gotten familiar with their character and all, I started gravitating towards youngjae as well. I sometimes wonder whether he wouldn't have been my ( actual / only ) bias in GOT7 if a) jaebeom wasn't so very special to me that it feels wrong to switch biases, and b) I had already known the members when I had gotten into GOT7, or if GOT7 hadn't been my very first group and I had already been much more familiar with how groups worked and all that. he's 97 percent shy, innocent maknae, and 3 percent a wicked minx who nobody can be mad at and I love that for him.

the bottom line is that I bias them both and they seem to be okay with having shared custody, if you wanna call it that. I'm calling it that now.

btw, I always consider those people the bias that I have a soft spot for, who I relate to on a personality level, who make me feel all warm and cozy when I watch them do their thing — and the wrecker is the one that just wrecks me with their visuals or voice or whatever it is. I can't look at them for long because that's overwhelming because they're so v attractive ( not saying my biases aren't, but the wreckers just take a bat and swing it at me, while the biases just don't cause that reaction in my brain ) idk, I hope this makes sense, but I've heard people describe biases as the ones that are in "first place" and the wreckers are trying to dethrone them and that's just not my definition of it. kakdif no hate tho! just wanted to explain that.

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14 notes - Posted October 11, 2022

not to be a nerd on main about this, but we should stop transcribing 형 / 누나 and 오빠* / 언니 as bro / sis. linguistically they have very different connotations and it's kinda driving me up a wall as someone who's very invested and interested in languages, like, I do realize that especially casual watchers of like kdramas, who just started getting into them after Netflix or whomever added a bunch of them to their library, don't really care and that's totally fine with me! it's a considerably small thing, and if you just wanna watch something without diving into the language or culture or anything, then you're totally free to, that's valid, honestly

just. that's not what those words mean, connotation-wise and every time I read "bro!" or "sis!" in Netflix's or even YT's subtitles I die a bit inside.

obviously I'm not Korean and if anyone who speaks the language well / lives in Korea and is well familiar with when those are used, wants to weigh in, feel absolutely free to!

but to break it down briefly, those are honorifics attached to a person's name if they're older than you, but not, like, significantly. older students, older colleagues at work if you're a bit more friendly with them, friends, and ( your actual ) siblings. they are normal and do not immediately imply you view the other person as a sort of sibling from another parent.

yes, they do basically translate to "older brother" / "older sister", but transcribing it with "bro" and "sis" respectively has an entirely different impact than what they are actually supposed to infer. it's a polite suffix, that can in certain situations also imply trust or a more intimate relationship, because otherwise ( especially outside of a school context ) you'd use 씨 ( shee ) after their name. just that nobody especially in a school context does that because they use 형 ( hyeong / hyung ) / 누나 ( noona ) and 오빠* ( oppa ) / 언니 ( eonnie / unnie ) — former is used by males and latter by females, both times to address an older 'brother' / an older 'sister' respectively — either alone or after their name.

the companion piece is adding 아 or 야 (-a for names with a consonant at the end or -ya for those with a vowel ) to the names of people younger than you ( or those you're close with ) — and for example in All Of Us Are Dead they do that all the time and it's not transcribed by cutesy-fying their names is it now. they just put their names into the subtitles and move on.

I personally think it'd be much better to simply use you in any other sentence and if some character yells 형! across the room in distress, to transcribe it with the other character's name for emphasis. that's for me personally the closest, connotation-wise.

or, you know, have hyeong / noona / eunnie / oppa* in the transcript / subtitles in italics and explain it with some translator annotation the first time it appears alone. but that's generally an issue with subtitles on such platforms I feel. they remove words when creating the subtitles and leave out such nuances because gods forbid they'd force casual viewers to pause the show to read the annotations akskdkf. either way,

tl;dr they don't use teen slang in kdramas all the time even if the subtitles would have you believe otherwise and it's probably a problem that stems from companies thinking they can't "bother" their customers with having to pause to read, but I think that's simply taking away important context to a depicted story and I'd really like it to stop, thank you.

*oppa is a bit special because it is also used as a sort of term of endearment by women towards their boyfriends, or like, when they flirt with them pre-relationship, so it can also imply a romantic interest, be mindful of that. but I'd assume then it'd be transcribed with some sort of babe or honey or something.

14 notes - Posted March 4, 2022

week three of #got7revival: fave choreo

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35 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

can't believe my dear friend Jonathan is so polite he didn't even get angry when his host simply destroyed his shaving mirror, the only working mirror in the whole castle, especially after he didn't see him in said mirror, like, I get you are finally seeming to catch up but Jonathan pls catch up faster, I'm begging

36 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#my 2022 tumblr year in review #got7 #dracula daily #languages #neonlight posties #was leafmiilk #I'm not surprised about got7 being so far up my tag list kwkdkfkskd #and yes I untagged someone from the most reblogged list don't ask about it

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zhenjun · 4 years ago

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white people, your cosplay is yellowface

Content warning: images of yellowface that may be upsetting below

Note: I have made the decision to remove the images of modern-day cosplayers. I stand by my initial choice to include them, as I believe actually seeing images of modern cosplay side by side with “real” yellowface was essential to understanding the point. However, this post has gotten much more attention than I ever anticipated. I had, at the time of making it, fewer than 30 followers.

In addition to harassment from sockpuppet accounts, assertions that my opinion on racism is less important because I am in the diaspora, misinterpretation about what this post was initially about (several people claimed cultural appropriation), threats to report and suspend me, and, apparently, discussion on twitter, for my own mental health, I am taking these images down.

I will no longer be responding to criticism or questions on the post, but I will happily answer DMs or asks on the subject. If you disrespect this or try to start more discourse, you are getting blocked, not because I want to silence your voice, but because I am a real person who can choose not to engage with people for reasons as seemingly unfair as my mental health and not wanting to continue filling my blog with the same post that honestly is upsetting for me to look at (as I already stated within the post).

If you have been blocked by me it is either due to disrespect and/or some form of unrelated drama due to how I like to interact with fandoms (i.e. ships like Ch*ngxian, Xu*xiao), not because I am trying to silence you. As I have so few followers, I am sure you can make your own post and gain even more traction than I did.

If you are white, please stop cosplaying MDZS/TGCF characters. It often looks like/is yellowface, and honestly there’s no way to respectfully do it when these media are based so heavily on Chinese culture. I’ll try to sum up why these fandoms need to be more mindful. You can find links and citations at the bottom that read best on my desktop blog theme.

The goal of yellow face in the past wasn’t always to look “authentically Asian;” white directors, actors, set designers, and playwrights set out to use what pieces of East Asian culture they found most inspiring, fun, cool, violent, or backward. Sometimes, white people had "good" intentions" with their use of yellowface and were not "trying" to demean our cultures, but the practice itself did so regardless.

To summarize, white people of the past did yellowface to erase our identities, take aspects of our culture that they liked, or ridicule us. Most modern-day cosplayers are doing the first two.

Below are examples of early Hollywood yellowface and modern-day theater, as well as modern-day cosplay:

[Previously pictured was a white Xie Lian cosplayer who was very receptive after seeing this post and has since removed these images from their social media. If you happen upon any of their cosplay or other social media, please do not send them any hate.]

As you can see actress Katharine Hepburn in “Dragon Seed”[1][2] is in very traditionally inspired Chinese clothing. The previously pictured Xie Lian cosplayer was in a similar hat and wearing white robes. They both had some sort of eye makeup; Katharine Hepburn darkened her hair for the role while the cosplayer was wearing a dark-brown/black wig.

Of note, the character Katharine Hepburn plays in "Dragon Seed" is supposed to be positive; an adaption from (white) author Pearl S. Buck's novel about a brave Chinese woman who stands up to Japanese imperialism. Like modern day cosplayers of Chinese media, just because the white people creating this film did not intend to be harmful does not change that it was yellowface and racist.

[Previously pictured was a before and after picture of a white Xue Yang cosplayer with blue eyes, brown hair, half of which was dyed blonde in the before image. In the after, they were wearing a long black wig, heavy eye makeup, newly shaped and darkened eyebrows, and robes made to emulate CQL in warm lighting]

Here are before and after pictures of actress Katharine Hepburn in 1944[3] and, previously, was a white Xue Yang cosplayer in 2020. Both had altered their eyes and eyebrows as well as donned black wigs or darkened hair.

[Previously pictured was a Jiang Yanli cosplayer in a black wig and robes meant to emulate the donghua]

Yellowface does not always involve modification to the eyes. In these two images, neither Mary Pickford in Madame Butterfly[4] nor the previously shown modern Jiang Yanli cosplayer have done anything noticeable to shape their eyes. They were, however, both wearing black wigs with traditionally inspired outfits. Jiang Yanli wore a modified version of Tang Dynasty fashion.[5]

[previously pictured was an image of a Wei Wuxian cosplayer with face powdered white and rouge around the eyes. Their eyes were still blue as the Madame Butterfly’s were on the left, and they were wearing a long black wig as well as robes designed to emulate his. This image has been replaced and amended with an additional example of modern theater; the production of The Mikado where one actor is wearing a black wig, the other a Japanese inspired hat, and both are wearing Japanese robes]

The final comparison was an example of a stage actress from the 2015 Fargo-Moorehead Opera production for Madame Butterfly[6] on the left (the earlier movie is an adaptation of the play). [This image was previously erroneously attributed to the Knoxville Opera which faced backlash for their production as they had an all-white cast depicting actors in yellowface in 2019.][7]

Honestly, these images just had a strange similarity to me so that’s why I chose to put these two together. Most importantly, was the similarity in makeup, hair, and East Asian clothing. Though the image is not there any longer, but just google Mo Xuanyu cosplays and ask yourself, if you didn’t know the fandom, would you be able to spot the difference of which one is supposed to be worse?

The new image is just another example of modern yellowface in theater, where the actors do not necessarily wear extensive eye makeup to emulate East Asians but, much like modern cosplayers, nonetheless are trying to look like the Asian characters they play in a Seattle production of The Mikado.[8]

As you can see, it’s pretty sad and disturbing to see how the rise of East Asian media is creating a new modern wave of yellowface. I think white people tend to think that black/brown/yellowface is only about darkening the skin, but that is just not what many depictions of yellowface have been for East and Southeast Asian people.

I know a lot of people recognize this is wrong and I appreciate those of you that do, but if you didn’t recognize the past parallels, please read up on the links below! Researching this was honestly triggering and emotionally taxing and caused a mild breakdown, so if you clown on this post you’re getting blocked.

Despite the post losing effectiveness to an extent from taking down the modern day photos, I suggest a quick google search of cosplays from the series during/after reading this. And if you don't agree with me, feel free to block and don't send more hate to me! I'm not trying to get into fights. I just wanna feel like I have a semi-safe space in the fandom but if this annoys you, it's better to just block me.

HISTORY, Casting White People in Asian Roles Goes Back Centuries[↩︎]︎

Youtube, Dragon Seed (1944) Trailer [↩︎]︎

NBC News, 'Correcting Yellowface': One Woman's Project to Fix Whitewashing[↩︎]︎

IMDB[↩︎]

Stony Brook University, The Influence of Chang-An Culture to Korea and Japan: Cultural Diffusion in the Glorious Age of Tang Dynasty[↩︎]

Howard Sherman, Yellowface Bait-And-Switch With ‘Madama Butterfly’ In Fargo[↩︎]︎

OnStage Blog, Knoxville Opera Forgets It's 2019 and Opts for Yellowface for "Madame Butterfly"[↩︎]︎

Seattle Times, The yellowface of “The Mikado” in your face[↩︎]︎

#mdzs #tgcf #the untamed #racism #madame butterfly #dragon seed #❁#yellowface #when I describe the behavior in the note please do not assume it is about you if you've interacted with me #there are probably dozens of people I've interacted with who I may have already blocked etc.

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bobohu4eva · 4 years ago

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Pink Lace - Bonus

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: College AU, stripper AU, fluff, smut

Summary: Baekhyun decides to surprise you with an expensive new dress, so you make sure to give him his money’s worth

Word count: 4.7k

Warnings: smut - slight sugar daddy themes, sex with no condom, aftercare, it’s pretty fluffy tbh

Tag list: @smolbeanmika @leave-me-in-the-summertime @totallynerdstuff @bbhmystar @nana-banana @kimyhappy @thegreatandi @geniusloey @deligxt @bbhyun506 @lovebuginlove @bellamendoza @baekyeonoreo @bobohumyonlyboo @wooya1224 @strawbaeri-s @xiuweetbbh @bbhile

Masterlist

“Oh my god, that is gorgeous.”

“You want it? I’ll buy it for you, as an early Christmas gift, and to celebrate the semester ending and me not losing my job.” Baekhyun said as he smiled down at you, one hand snugly laced through your own as the two of you strolled down the street, window shopping. You had stopped in front of a display for a particularly beautiful dress.

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s way too expensive.” It was true, it was expensive. Baekhyun lived quite close to a high end shopping neighborhood with lots of fancy restaurants and designer outlets, where the two of you could now finally walk around in the open for the first time, since the semester had ended just a day earlier.

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow, “How many times do I have to remind you, money is not a problem.”

“No I know, I just feel bad, that’s still a lot of money, at least to me.”

As you said it you kept staring at the dress. It was perfect. You also knew it must cost at least as much as a month of your rent (which Baekhyun also paid) judging by the store window it was in.

“The way you’re staring at it is just making me want to buy it for you more you know.”

With that you pouted and turned around, away from the window and pulled him away with you.

He chuckled, but looked back, making a mental note of the exact dress and store.

It was lovely, finally being able to go out together like this. So far, most times when you and Baekhyun would see each other it would be at his home, where you would sometimes stay for days at a time even. It was nice, but actually being able to go out and eat at a restaurant together, or go on a walk, was new and felt amazing.

To celebrate not getting caught dating while you were still his student, he’d taken you out on a nice dinner at a small Italian restaurant with only two tables, where you’d been served at least 5 different courses, each more amazing than the last. The wine had been amazing as well, leaving the two of you giggling in each other's arms as you slowly walked back towards his home.

“This is nice.” You hummed as you leaned your head against his shoulder, closing your eyes and letting him pull you along.

“Going out like this?”

You nodded slowly into his shoulder, feeling the soft haze of the wine and the soft glow of the streetlights soothing your senses, along with Baekhyun’s touch. It was surprising to you how openly affectionate he’d been, always needing to touch you somehow, whether it was a hand on your waist, or holding your own. He liked to press soft kisses to your cheeks and forehead as well, not caring at all who might see. You never stopped him either, relishing in the feeling of finally being able to do this without having to worry about getting him in trouble.

“I like it too, I can finally show the world that you’re mine.”

You let out a small laugh and the two of you kept walking until you once again reached his home. He gave you one of his hoodies to change into before the two of you fell into bed together, limbs tangling together until you both dozed off.

Things had become incredibly comfortable with him. You truly felt like you could tell him anything, and any time you were struggling he always gave you the best advice, unsurprising considering his job. Being around him was so easy, and even after spending days on end together, you wouldn’t get sick of him. He was like a second home to you, warm and reliable.

You always fell asleep quickly when he was there with you, and you knew he slept better when you were there too. He bestowed you with a sense of coziness and repose that you’d never experienced with a man before, and you knew that your presence brought him great comfort as well. Even on nights like this one when you wouldn’t have sex, just holding each other was more than enough.

The sex had only gotten better as well. Baekhyun had already far outdone the few men you’d been with in the past in his first night with you, but the more he got to know your body the better it got even. He had every inch of you memorized and knew exactly where to touch you, how to touch you, and what to say while he did it to make you feel like you were losing control, but in the best of ways. You simply let him take you along for the ride as he commanded your body as if it was an extension of himself, and it was euphoric.

The next morning Baekhyun drove you back home since you had some errands you needed to take care of. You went about your day, and in the afternoon when you finally returned home and walked into your room you saw an unfamiliar box sitting on your bed.

You opened it to find that inside was the dress from the night before that you’d seen and fallen in love with in the store window.

A small gasp left you. He’d seriously gone and bought it. Up until now you had only let him pay your rent and buy you food. It was a first to be receiving such an expensive gift from him since you’d started dating and despite how much you loved the dress you still couldn’t help feeling guilty.

You snapped a picture and texted it to him followed by several question marks.

Baekhyun: (4:37pm) Don’t try it on until I can see too!

You dialed his number and to your relief he picked up right away.

“Baekhyun I can’t accept this, you have to bring it back.”

“I thought you might say that so I got rid of the receipt. It’s yours, you really seemed to like it and I do too so bought it because I wanted to see you in it and I knew you’d like it. And you told me gifts were okay!”

You sighed. You technically had said that.

“Okay, but I’m impatient I wanna try it on already.”

“I’ll be there in ten.”

He hung up before you could respond, so you made yourself comfortable on the couch in the living room as you waited for him.

Eventually you heard a knock on the door and opened it to see your boyfriend looking back at you with an excited look on his face.

The dress was nothing modest. It was short and tight, hugging your body in all the right ways and the silky fabric shimmered beautifully. The color complimented your skin tone perfectly and as you looked at yourself in the mirror, smoothing down the fabric, you had to admit, you loved it on you. It fit surprisingly well and showed off your assets wonderfully. There was no doubt in your mind that as soon as Baekhyun would see you, he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off you. You were starting to understand more and more why he’d been so keen on seeing you in it, despite the price tag.

You sat yourself on your bed, crossing your legs and leaning back, before calling for him to come in.

When he walked into the room he was silent for a good long moment as his eyes ran up and down your body, before walking closer to where you were seated to pull you up off the bed.

“Do a spin for me?”

You happily obliged, slowly turning to give him the view he was looking for. Once you were facing him again you couldn’t help but blush with the way he was looking at you, a wide grin on his face and his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

“Worth every penny.” You heard him say softly. “So fucking pretty.”

“How much was it?”

You still felt guilty. It was beautiful, and it was clear to you how happy he was to see you wearing it but in the back of your mind, you couldn’t help asking yourself how much it had really cost him, if it was really worth whatever ridiculous number it might’ve been, just for some fabric that you’d likely only wear a few times anyway.

“Don’t worry about that.” He murmured as his hand made its way from your shoulder, down your arm, eventually resting on your waist. His eyes had moved up from your body to scan over your face as you looked back at him.

Despite his constant reassurance, money was still a subject that made you a bit uncomfortable. You’d never had a lot of it growing up and things like designer clothes always seemed too outrageously priced to even consider buying. To spend that amount of money on something so non-essential was still crazy to you, and the fact that he did it so casually for you felt foreign no matter how much you tried to rationalize it. You just couldn’t help the guilt that pulled at your heartstrings.

“You look so beautiful, why does your face still look sad? Do you not like it anymore?” He said, voice full of concern. His slender fingers found your chin, tilting it back up to look at him after your eyes had drifted down to the floor.

You shook your head. Of course you loved it, it was gorgeous and fit you perfectly. Hell, it was probably the nicest thing you’d ever seen yourself in. It was your guilt that had you fidgeting and averting his gaze.

“It’s just a lot of money, I’ve never owned something like this and I can’t help feeling like it’s too much, I’m sorry. It is beautiful though, even more so than I remember.”

“All that matters to me now, is that you like it. I already bought it, that can’t be undone, and I wouldn’t want it to be anyway. As long as I get to see my beautiful girlfriend smiling looking this pretty, I’m happy.”

He was doing it again. He was looking at you with that smile that could break through every layer of your soul and warm you from the inside no matter how down you might be. The amount of love and affection in his eyes brought a small smile to your lips that you couldn’t fight even if you tried.

“You know I love you, right?” He said as his smile widened in response to your own.

You nodded, “And I love you too.”

He pulled you in for a kiss and you easily let him. He’d gotten to know you even better and always knew what to do or say to relieve whatever worries it might be that you were having. The way he spoke was full of maturity and understanding and he was attentive when it came to your emotions as well, being able to read you exceptionally well. Sometimes he’d figure out what you were feeling before you even truly understood your own emotions. He knew both your body and mind like the back of his hand.

“I wish I could at least repay you somehow.” You whispered as you pulled back from his lips.

He raised an eyebrow and took a step back so his eyes could roam across your body again. “I can think of a few ways...”

You quickly caught on to what he was saying. If you couldn’t already see it on his face, his hand made it crystal clear when it reached up and rested on your chest, thumb running over the bare skin of your cleavage.

It was funny to you that after he’d been so adamant about not being your sugar daddy or anything like that, here you were, in an expensive dress he’d bought, with him asking for sex as a form of repayment. A few months earlier you never would’ve allowed this to happen, but after having spent more time together and knowing how pure his intentions were you couldn’t find it in yourself to really care.

Finally you decided that if he wanted to buy you pretty dresses, just to be able to take them off of you, you’d let him. He looked like he was on cloud 9 as he pulled you closer, keeping one hand on your chest as the other rested over your ass. There was no way in hell you would deny him this.

“You want to take it off me?”

He nodded, “Not yet, though, you look too good like this.”

When he sat down on the edge of your bed with his legs spread and pulled his belt off, you knew what he had in mind. You positioned yourself between his legs and sat on your knees, so you were on eye level with where you knew he wanted you. As you started to work on the button of his jeans, you could feel how hard he already was.

Again and again it surprised you how easily you could turn him on. You thought that because he was a bit older than most guys you’d dated that his sex drive would be lower, but that was definitely not the case. It was higher than yours, but you didn’t mind since he was good at getting you in the mood even when you were tired or stressed. It would happen regularly that he would wake you up during some ungodly hour of the night with a boner digging into your ass. He simply insisted that it was your fault and that he couldn’t help himself. As horny as he was, nine times out of ten you would gladly allow him to have you too. Especially when he was so good at pleasuring you.

Once you were able to get a hand into the waistband of his jeans, you palmed him through his underwear and he let out a groan as he leaned back on the bed.

“You like the dress this much?” You asked with a smirk and reached into his boxers, wrapping your hand around his already very hard dick.

“Yes” he sighed, eyes closed, lips slightly parted, as he leaned back in his elbows before opening his eyes again to look at you. “Fuck.”

Once you freed him from the confines of his boxers you leaned in to place an open mouthed kiss on his tip, licking up the pre cum that had started to gather.

“Don’t tease.” He groaned and your eyes looked up to meet with his, giving you a good look at his already very blissed-out expression.

When you finally slid him all the way into your mouth you noticed his head fall back and heard the delightful moan that slipped from his lips.

You always appreciated how vocal he was in bed. Whether it was dirty talk, cursing, moaning, or a combination of the three, he was usually making some sort of noise. You hadn’t come across a guy like that before and getting to hear his reactions to you was always a confidence boost. As much as he was able to get you riled up, you could get him just as weak for you as well. To hear him panting and moaning due to your actions turned you on more that you’d admit as well.

With his moans egging you on you started to bob your head up and down, feeling how he’d hit the back of your throat with every movement. When you looked up at his face you found his lip caught between his teeth, and beads of sweat rolling down his temples.

A strand of hair fell in your face and once he opened his eyes to see he moved one hand to gently gather your hair to hold it back.

“God, you look so good like this. So perfect. Feels so fucking good.”

You knew how weak it made him to see you like this, with your lips wrapped around him. He moved your mouth almost as much as he loved your pussy. Almost.

His grip on your hair tightened and he pulled your mouth off of him.

“Stand up for me.”

You did as he asked and stood back up between his legs. He sat up and his hands found your waist, running up and down the sides of the dress before reaching around back to find the zipper.

He slowly pulled it all the way down and you let the dress slip off you, pooling at your feet leaving you in only your underwear since it wasn’t convenient to wear a bra with.

You didn’t think it was possible for you to ever get used to the way he looked at your body. Ever since you’d met him at the club he always had a special way of looking at you. The way his eyes sparked when they met your bare skin was unlike anything you’d experienced with another man. The more you’d gotten used to sleeping with him, the more impossible it became to be shy with him when he looked at you like that.

You bit your lip to try to conceal your smile when he pulled his shirt over his head, showing you his smooth, toned torso. Although he wasn’t particularly large or muscular, he was slender with just the right amount of definition to still make your mouth water.

Before you could react his arm was hooked around your waist and he pulled you down on top of him. You let out a surprised squeal which he muffled with a kiss and next thing you knew you were being rolled onto your back as he laid himself between your legs.

You felt the fabric of his jeans against your thighs and decided they needed to go. As much as you loved sex with him he could be quite impatient, often only shoving his pants down just enough to be able to fill you, not wanting to bother with taking them all the way off.

luckily for you, today when you tugged at the fabric and let out a whine and he got the idea, rolling off you to pull them off leaving him completely bare.

He quickly found his way back between your spread legs, this time with his tip nudging at the wet spot on your underwear.

"Please" You begged, not exactly sure what you were asking for, just needing something to relieve the fire that was burning in the pit of your stomach.

"Please what?" He asked, moving a hand downwards to feel the soaked fabric with his fingers.

Instead of answering his question you let out a slur of incomprehensible curses and pleas when his finger started to rub over your clit through the soaked fabric.

“I’m gonna have to start buying you new underwear too if you keep ruining them like this.” He said as he smirked, relishing just how turned on he had you.

“Take them off already.” You finally breathed out between moans, but he was enjoying himself too much to give in so easily.

“Hmm, I wonder just how wet I can make you.”

You let out another whine when he still didn’t give you what you wanted, still only touching you through the wet fabric, but now with more pressure. One hand made its way to your chest, kneading and pinching at the sensitive flesh as his mouth covered the other side, sucking purple marks onto the soft skin before finally taking your sensitive bud between his lips.

You could feel even more moisture pooling beneath the fabric, making it even wetter and you knew he could feel it too. The wet spot was growing and you so desperately wanted him to finally take it off of you to touch you for real.

Eventually Baekhyun became too impatient himself and stopped fighting the urge, pulling the soaked fabric aside to run a finger through your folds, feeling the moisture on his fingertips.

“Completely soaked.” He whispered before pulling your last remaining pieces of clothing off your body and spreading your thighs for him to see what was waiting for him between them.

When his thumb ran over your clit he could see you clench and unclench, making more liquid drip out of you.

“God your pussy is so perfect. Always so tight as so wet. So fucking good for me.”

“Baekhyun please.” You begged, reaching for his dick to try and speed things up, but he was having a great time seeing you become more and more desperate for him and didn’t want it to stop quite yet.

Instead of giving you what he wanted, he moved back over you, kissing your neck as his hand got to work on your clit.

He’d gotten to know your body so well, it took less than a minute before you were shaking and crying out his name as your orgasm came over you.

Baekhyun had grown very fond of this arrangement. After a few weeks together he’d began insisting on making you come at least once before fucking you, since he said it made you even tighter and wetter, and he liked to see your face while it happened. Usually you appreciated it, but on days like today when he would tease you so ruthlessly you almost wished he would just get on with it and fill you. However you also knew that after being deprived for so long, it would feel even better once he finally did give you his dick.

Once your breathing slowly started to even out again and you were no longer shaking, you felt his tip slip between your soaked folds, bumping against your clit. Your hands tangled themselves into his soft hair, bringing his face down to yours for a kiss.

He pulled away, trailing kisses down the side of your neck before whispering in your ear, “Turn around for me, sweetheart.”

You did as you were told and arched your back, sticking your ass up in the air for him.

With one knee planted on either side of your hips he pulled your ass up and into position. Before leaning over you, sucking a ‪mark onto the skin of your shoulder before sinking himself into you with one smooth thrust.

You gasped and buried your head into the pillow beneath you to muffle the lewd moans that were tumbling from your lips, but he quickly wrapped a hand around your neck to pull your face out of the sheets.

“Don’t try to hide those beautiful sounds from me baby.”

He slowly pulled himself out of you, only to fully sheath himself back inside, setting a brutal pace.

After a few moments of going on like that, he decided he wanted more. An arm was wrapping itself around your waist once again, this time bringing you upright so he could snake an arm around to squeeze your breasts as well while he kept drilling in and out of you.

His teeth dug into the side of your neck, sucking and biting at the skin there before moving to your earlobe.

The feeling was completely overwhelming, as usual. Once he was inside you, there was no more rational thought, the only thing filling your head being your own pleasure and the sound of your combined moans and curses as they echoed throughout the room.

He took your body and commanded it in a way that left you little more than a weak, desperate, panting mess, completely at his disposal. When you were wrapped around him, you belonged to him completely, and trusted him to do whatever he wanted with you.

When his other hand moved between your legs to flick at your sensitive bud once again, you knew you were close to falling apart. The feeling of his dick rubbing against your walls so perfectly, his hand on your chest, and the other between your legs, was too much. You were quickly unraveling again, this time with much more intensity than the first. Only now, even when you were quivering and moaning and clearly overly sensitive, he didn’t stop.

“You can give me one more, come on baby. You can do it.”

His hips started snapping up into you with even greater force as his hand sped up too. If it hadn’t been for the arm tightly wrapped around you, holding you against him, you definitely would’ve collapsed by now.

“T-too much.” You cried out, but he knew not to listen. Unless you spoke your agreed upon safe word, he knew you’d be able to take it.

You could feel the sweat making your back stick to his chest, and the hand that had been on your chest was now too occupied with keeping you upright, since he knew there was no way you could stay upright on your own. His thrusts only picked up in speed and force but they were growing inconsistent as well, a sign that he was close.

“God, fuck.” He breathed into your ear, because of how tightly you were squeezing around him due to your over sensitivity. “You feel so good like this. Let me feel you, one more time.”

And after a few more hard thrusts you gave him what he wanted, going completely limp in his arms as he pushed into you a couple more times before reaching his own peak too.

Your mind went completely blank and vision went white as the last orgasm hit you like a bus, leaving you moaning incoherent curses combined with his name. To your relief you felt his warm cum fill you only seconds later, with a broken cry that sounded somewhat like your name leaving his lips as it happened.

Your mind was still empty when the arm around your torso let go, and you fell forward onto the bed. There was no strength left in your body, completely spent after all he’d done to you. You were slowly becoming aware of the layer of sweat that covered your body, as well as the sticky mess that coated your inner thighs, but you didn’t have the energy to care, you just closed your eyes and let the warm fuzzy feeling sweep over your brain in the usual post-orgasmic haze. Only this time, it was even more intense than usual from how many times he’d pushed you over that edge.

“Baby, you can’t fall asleep it’s not even 7 yet.” You heard Baekhyun whisper softly from somewhere above you, but you didn’t respond, mind still too hazy to form words.

Instead of bothering you any further, Baekhyun simply started to rub your back the way he had on your first night together, causing you to hum at the pleasant feeling of his hands working the sore muscles.

After a few minutes of enjoying the little massage he was giving you, you felt him lean over you to speak into your ear.

“I love you.” He whispered before pressing a soft kiss to the nape of your neck.

“Hmmm, I love you too.” You mumbled, finally getting some words to leave your tired body. But those were easy words, ones you didn’t need to think too hard about since they flowed off of your lips so naturally when you were with him.

“Come on baby, let’s get you cleaned up.” He spoke softly before grabbing one of your shoulders and turning you onto your back. Your eyes remained closed when you felt him slip two arms beneath you, lifting you up off the bed. You let your head rest against his still damp chest as he carried you into your bathroom, turning on the water to let it heat up.

“Darling, can you stand for me?” He asked and you nodded. Slowly and carefully you felt him put you down, and you wrapped both arms around his waist, leaning against his chest.

He chuckled and stroked your hair. “I really wore you out today, huh?”

You nodded again, and he pulled you into the shower with him to get the both of you clean.

As he carefully cleaned your tired body for you, a small smile spread across his lips.

He couldn’t help but think that the dress had been the best thing he’d bought in a while, and he couldn’t wait to buy you many, many, more.

#baekhyun #exo #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun smut #exo fluff #exo smut #baekhyun fanfic #exo fanfic #baekhyun fic #exo fic

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peppermintbee · 4 years ago

Text

OMORI’s poor writing (Part 2)

Once again, if you are a big fan of OMORI, this review is not for you. Treasure this game, love it, recommend it, make fan art, buy the merch, do what you will with it. I am not here to take OMORI away from anyone. Based on the overwhelmingly positive reviews on Steam, I know that my opinion is in the minority.

However, just as the fans have the right to praise the game, I have the right to examine it, criticize it, and explain why it failed to provide a compelling experience. This is second part of my review where I will tackle OMORI’s problematic themes and disrespectful appropriation of mental health.

[ See Part 1: Plot Writing Lies ]

(Note: I use “OMORI” in all-caps for the game title, and “Omori” in title case for the character name.)

Spoilers and criticism below.

Part 2: OMORI’s message is mishandled and distasteful

OMORI provides a warning that it depicts scenes of depression, anxiety, and suicide. Because the game includes these scenes, I assumed these mental health issues are presented in a way that is meaningful and respectful.

However, that is not the case.

Despite having depictions of such, this game is not really about depression, anxiety, or even suicide. It’s about committing a horrible crime, lying about it, and getting over the guilt.

1. Suicide as a game mechanic

Suicidal thoughts are intrusive, terrifying, and painful. As well as ending the victim's life, suicide wreaks havoc on the lives of those who once knew them. It is often a taboo topic, but discussing such matters is an important step to understanding and preventing it. Video games are a medium well suited to approaching such dark topics.

Unfortunately, OMORI does not handle the topic of suicide well at all.

First, suicide is written as a unavoidable game mechanic that seems to have been included for shallow reasons such as aesthetic and shock value. To leave Sunny’s headspace and wake up, you--as a player--must direct him to stab himself in the stomach.

But why? It’s not like waking up involves some sort of major sacrifice. In fact, waking up is something that is more or less unavoidable. Reality should be something that snatches Sunny away from his headspace against his will, perhaps as an encroaching darkness that Sunny can run from, but never truly escape. But instead, facing reality is something you are forced to opt into in the most needlessly violent way possible.

Forcing you--as a player--to literally commit suicide just to wake up from a dream is a pointless, distasteful, and disrespectful action that sets a precedent for suicide not being taken seriously in this game. (And it isn’t.)

In the black space, Omori is pressured to kill a cat. In that scene, regardless of your choice, you are forced to kill yourself. However, the act of stabbing yourself has been seen so many times at that point that it has completely lost any impact. Who cares about suicide when it’s been reduced to just a means of travel?

Lastly, if you fail to defeat the final boss, Sunny commits suicide in the real world. However, this is not a cutscene, it is once again something that you--as a player--are forced to do to progress. Putting these actions in the hands of a player is not as meaningful as the writer seems to believe, because there are no other options to progress. Any weight in making that decision is lost to resignation; a frustrated sigh of “Well, okay, fine. I guess I have to click Z here.” You are then rewarded with a SLAPPING pop song and a psychedelic cutscene of Sunny falling to his death. It’s tasteless to its core and appropriates the deaths of every suicidal person as a quirky, shallow “bad end.”

(Seriously, this is how the writer decided to depict a child taking his own life.)

youtube

2. Sunny/Omori is a poor presentation of depression

Sunny/Omori does not smile. Even in past photographs before The Incident, he still is not smiling. The contrast between Sunny and his friends stands out like a sore thumb, so I assumed this was the writer’s attempt to show that Sunny is dealing with depression, where he can’t be happy even in happy situations.

Of course, if that were the case it would be inaccurate since depressed people do smile and do hide their true feelings. They are often dismissed with, “You can’t be depressed, I saw you smiling once.” However, I was willing to let Sunny’s chronic frown slide because sometimes you have to oversimplify an idea to get your point across.

Much to my surprise, there is NO evidence of Sunny having depression before The Incident and there is very little indication of him having depression throughout the game either. The evidence of this is that while looking at a family portrait, Sunny comments that he's never liked to smile. Since he's a a baby in this portrait, this goes to show that his not smiling is simply a preference -- a quirky character trait that makes him stand out so that you feel an emotion during the true ending when he finally smiles.

Everything in the game seems to point to him being pretty happy and well adjusted up until he killed Mari. Then, even after he killed Mari, he pretty much looks and behaves the same way. Wouldn’t it be more jarring and tragic if you saw Sunny was happy in the past, but depressed now?

Which leads me to my next point...

3. Sunny and Basil are not depressed, they’re guilty (and for good reason)

In the book I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t), Brené Brown explains the difference between feeling guilt and shame.

Guilt means: “I did something bad.” Shame means: “I am something bad.”

Guilt, when attributed to bad behavior, is actually a healthy emotion. It means that you have a sense of right and wrong, that you empathize with those you’ve hurt, and it motivates you to make things right.

Shame is an unhealthy emotion. It arrests growth, destroys self-esteem, causes poor decision making, isolates you from your loved ones, and is directly correlated with anxiety and depression.

OMORI should be a game about overcoming shame. All the right set pieces are there. Sunny’s walled himself off, his sister (allegedly) committed suicide, and he seems to be struggling with lifelong depression. However, this all falls apart, when it’s revealed that he killed his sister and staged her death as a suicide to escape blame (with Basil’s help). He DID do something bad. It’s not shame, it’s literally guilt.

All at once, OMORI stops being a game about recovering from grief and depression and becomes a game that demands the player to sympathize with a killer and liar who is hiding from his crimes. Because he and Basil feel bad about what they did, Sunny and Basil are presented as greater victims than their actual victim.

4. OMORI asks you empathize with villains (with ZERO self awareness)

Games where you are playing a character with a guilty conscience has been told before, but where OMORI really fails is that Sunny is not truly held accountable for what he did to others. Instead, the game focuses on HIS pain: since killing his sister he’s been isolated, he’s having nightmares, and he’s suicidal.

The plot of the game is focused on helping Sunny forgive himself for ruining other people’s lives. The writing barely acknowledges how his friends/family feel about what he did. When his victims’ pain IS addressed, it’s either used to further victimize Sunny (ie: isn’t it sad for him that he made his friends so sad?) or it’s used to reassure the player that Sunny’s victims have forgiven him (or will forgive him).

In fact, the game holds Mari responsible for her own death, citing that her "perfectionism" must have been what pushed Sunny to attack her. OMORI presents Mari, through headspace, as someone who accepted death gracefully and wants Sunny to live a happy life. She is never given her own voice and nothing in the game suggests she is capable of feeling bitter over her death and postmortem desecration. She plays the role of the Madonna archetype--and the perfect victim--allowing the player to empathize entirely with Sunny while accepting that Mari brought everything on herself.

[Mari suggesting that Sunny acting out his aggression on her was her fault.]

The climax of this game is NOT Sunny telling the truth to his friends. The climax is Sunny defeating his guilt and forgiving himself. We know this because the story does not even show how his friends respond to his confession, because-- once again-- what’s most important thing is resolving Sunny’s pain, not the pain he has caused others. (Though the game does heavily imply that his friends will forgive him.)

[Pictured: the boys shedding their guilt is the true happy ending ]

Imagine, for a moment, if this game was about an abuser, who caused immense pain to someone and got away with it. Then, the whole game was about how they felt bad for the abuse they caused, and-- as a player-- you help them forgive THEMSELF for their past abuse. Then, in the last few seconds of the game, they either apologize to their victim or kill themself. The victim’s response is not shown because it is not important.

This is the plot of OMORI, except with a bunch of excuses thrown on top to make it more palatable. Sunny and Basil are just soooo cute and sad. Killing Mari was an accident. Stringing her body up like a piñata was a juvenile mistake. The boys feel SO BAD that they want to kill themselves. And because suicide is so tragic, you-- as an audience-- are manipulated into empathizing them.

5. In OMORI, suicide is used as a cheap ploy for sympathy

As I mentioned before, suicide is horrible and tragic. People struggling with suicidal ideation need help, support, and respect. That said, let’s make one thing clear: being suicidal does not automatically make someone a good person. There are plenty of examples of criminals who kill themselves to escape the penalty or guilt for something they did. It is so common in the news that I don’t think I have to list out examples.

In bad endings, Sunny and Basil’s suicides are 100% motivated by guilt for their very real crimes. Now, it should be stated, Sunny and Basil do not deserve to die. And because suicide is such an extreme, permanent end for those two boys, we-- as players-- are invested in preventing that tragic end at all costs.

However, the looming threat of suicide is used as leverage to force the audience to dismiss the severity of what Sunny and Basil did. As I’ve said before, the plot of the game is about soothing and alleviating Sunny’s guilt and stopping him from killing himself as opposed to making things right.

The worst thing is, this tactic actually works. The threat of suicide is so strong, it has distracted many players from the truth that this story is about sympathizing with a boy who has killed his sister, with little regard for those his actions have affected (see point #4).

It’s terrible because suicide is such a serious topic worthy of discussion, but when used as little more than pity-bait, it twists your perception of what the characters did and silences those who try to criticize how this game handles such topics.

6. Mari's suicide being fake is a terrible twist

Lastly, by revealing Mari’s “suicide” as an accidental death, OMORI misses an opportunity to tell a much more powerful story. In the first half of this game, when Mari is thought to have committed suicide at the young age of 15, is a sobering moment. That tragedy is something very real.

If Mari had killed herself as opposed to being killed, Sunny isolating himself after his sister takes her own life is realistic. Mari’s death coming as a surprise is also realistic; how often have we heard people saying that they never knew someone was suffering? That they seemed like such a happy person?

Losing a loved one to suicide does not just cause horrible grief, but crippling shame as well. Those left behind will blame themselves, tormented by thoughts of how they could have saved them, how they would do anything to get them back. That shame can follow you forever, haunting you like a ghost, threatening you with the same fate. Overcoming that grief and shame is no simple task, and I truly thought OMORI was going to be about grappling with grief and letting go of survivor guilt.

Instead, Mari didn’t commit suicide, her life was cut short by her brother. Then, her body was staged as a suicide, forever changing how her family and friends perceived her. Her hanging body did not represent a devastating loss of life and horror of teen depression, but instead is a cheap twist that represents Sunny’s guilt for killing her and tampering with her corpse.

Conclusion:

As I’ve mentioned before OMORI has a lot of potential. The set pieces of a depressed kid who escapes to a dream world to cope with his unresolved trauma is one that had the makings to be very meaningful. However, it fumbles these issues, creating a sloppy plot that results in a problematic message. It’s baffling that this even happened, especially considering the length of time this was in development.

#omori #omori hate #review #words #the more I analyze it the worse this game gets #suicide cw #omori spoilers

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kuroosweakness · 4 years ago

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main masterlist pt. 2 here:

this is pt. 2 of everything i’ve written! this is organized by chronological order and is updated about every three-five days :)

⇢ pt 1

general:

toxic things the haikyuu boys might do

haikyuu boys apologizing for the toxic things they did

haikyuu boys and random annoying things they might do

haikyuu boys reacting to “i need to get my clothes back from my ex”

akaashi and kuroo when their s/o compliments another guy

suna, sakusa, osamu being away from their s/o for two weeks

haikyuu boys and your relationship with them based on pinterest pictures pt. 1

-> pt. 2

-> pt. 3

-> pt. 4

the type of boyfriend to:

requested:

atsumu, osamu, kita, suna when they forget their lunch and their s/o visits them

aone, fukunaga, and shirabu with a really huggy s/o on her period

kageyama, ushijima, and hoshiumi when their s/o is scared of thunder because it reminds of them of their parents’ yelling

sakusa, ushijima, and akaashi comforting their s/o after a nightmare

iwaizumi when his s/o wants him to lay on their stomach

oikawa, sugawara, and atsumu comfort hcs

tsukishima, oikawa, and sugawara with a s/o who has a toxic friend and feels powerless

kageyama, ushijima, and hoshiumi when their s/o is scared of thunder because it reminds of them of their parents’ yelling

sakusa, ushijima, and akaashi comforting their s/o after a nightmare

iwaizumi when his s/o wants him to lay on their stomach

oikawa, sugawara, and atsumu comfort hcs

tsukishima, oikawa, and sugawara with a s/o who has a toxic friend and feels powerless

iwaizumi, akaashi, tsukishima comfort hcs

tsukishima, yamaguchi, sugawara when their s/o has a school stress related panic attack

kuroo, kenma, and oikawa comforting their chubby s/o who feels insecure

akaashi when his s/o has a nightmare from a horror movie

how bokuto, yamaguchi, and kenma act around their crush

aone, asahi, and kenma crushing on dancer y/n

atsumu, iwaizumi, and daichi when their s/o has an anxiety attack

tsukishima, bokuto, and tanaka reassuring their s/o that they’re pretty

tsukishima, koganegawa, ennoshita when their s/o feels numb

bokuto when his s/o’s car breaks down

akaashi, sugawara, oikawa when their s/o has a panic/anxiety attack

akaashi, aone, and sugawara comforting their s/o

tsukishima, ennoshita, and oikawa with a s/o who has an inferiority complex

tsukishima when his s/o is in pain but won’t let him touch their wrist

kenma, tsukishima, daichi, bokuto, and lev falling for their new manager

sugawara and yamaguchi with an s/o who has auditory processing disorder

sugawara, kenma, and akaashi with a s/o who has depression

sugawara and kuroo with a s/o who’s insecure about their face

tsukishima when his extroverted s/o lets out her bottled emotions

bokuto and oikawa with a svicidal s/o

bokuto comfort hcs

tsukishima with a s/o who is prone to panic attacks and stresses easily

akaashi, sugawara, oikawa, and kuroo telling their s/o to slow down in school work and rest

kuroo, osamu, and sakusa when their s/o who has emetophobia is feeling nauseous

iwaizumi, suna, osamu with a s/o who’s reluctant of asking people for help when needed

kenma helping his s/o overcome difficult situations

sugawara comforting hcs with his tall gf

kuroo, atsumu, iwaizumi with a s/o who has a differently abled younger sibling

sakusa and osamu with a tall gf

tsukishima, lev, and ushijima with a s/o who shakes really bad when they get nervous

akaashi and kita helping a s/o who gets anxious with panic attacks when doing schoolwork

tsukishima and tendou comforting s/o who’s having a hard time

tsukishima, akaashi, kita, and osamu comforting s/o who got a bad grade even though they put in a lot of effort

tendou, bokuto, and akaashi with a s/o who has adhd and tics/stims

kuroo, akaashi, osamu, and kita comforting their s/o crying over not having motivation anymore

kuroo, sugawara, and akaashi comforting their s/o when they lose motivation to do school work because they don’t understand

tsukishima, lev, and goshiki comforting their s/o struggling with home life

akaashi, sakusa, and suna with a short s/o

sakusa and kenma helping out their s/o when they’re having a panic attack at a family dinner

sakusa, kenma, tsukishima comforting their s/o who feels insecure and compares themselves to pretty friends/models

akaashi, tsukishima, and sakusa comforting s/o who’s going through a depressive episode

akaashi and bokuto comforting s/o whose dad just got diagnosed with cancer

karasuno’s reaction to tsukki and his bf on a date

tsukishima, kenma, and nishinoya finding s/o’s fresh self-harm scars

tsukishima, iwaizumi, and yamaguchi with an s/o whose parent just got diagnosed with cancer

kuroo, bokuto, tsukishima, and osamu comforting their s/o over a loved one’s death

sakusa, matsukawa, iwaizumi when their s/o’s parents fat shames her before a holiday meal

sugawara, kuroo, and oikawa comforting their s/o who’s having flashbacks

sakusa, tendou, and kuroo comforting their s/o who’s sitting on the ground with a blanket wrapped around them, staring into nothing with tears in their eyes

tendou, kuroo, and bokuto with a s/o who has borderline personality disorder

sakusa’s gf on her period comfort hcs

sakusa, tendou, and kuroo with a s/o who has bipolar 2 disorder

atsumu, kita, and oikawa comforting their s/o who’s traumatized from horror movies

iwaizumi’s s/o comes out as asexual

tendou comfort hcs

kenma when his s/o has migraines

iwaizumi unknowingly trigger his s/o’s eating disorder

~~~

fukurodani, shiratorizawa, aoba johsai, and nekoma with a child-like fem!manager

gaming date with kenma

kuroo, kenma, and suna when their s/o’s parents are divorcing

oikawa, bokuto, nishinoya, and akaashi with a s/o with scars

atsumu, suna, and iwaizumi when they talk in a baby voice without knowing their s/o is filming

atsumu and suna with a s/o who’s a fine arts student

akaashi, atsumu, and kenma when their s/o doesn’t say “i love you” back

haikyuu characters reacting to girlfriend liking yaoi

when his s/o loses the will to live: sugawara koshi

with a moody s/o: lev, tsukishima, oikawa

~~~

with a s/o who gets a lot of confessions from others: osamu, atsumu, suna

comforting his s/o from family fights: lev, sugawara, aone

with a clingy s/o : kuroo, oikawa, bokuto, tsukishima

with a female s/o who’s really similar to kenma: sugawara

drunk hcs: tendou, kuroo, and kita

domestic life drabbles: osamu, akaashi

with a s/o who gets a lot of confessions from others : ushijima, daichi, kuroo

kuroo dating their third-year manager who has a soft spot for lev

karasuno’s manager who won’t hesitate to verbally murder them but cannot be mad at nishinoya and hinata

comforting s/o from drawbacks: kuroo tetsurou

comforting s/o who’s freaking out over finals and major projects: oikawa, sugawara, atsumu

kuroo, kenma, bokuto, and akaashi as a squad comforting y/n and cheering her up

s/o having a hard time: tsukishima, kenma, suna

~~~ dec. 12th - dec. 14th

s/o has an anxiety attack in front of him: terushima

s/o recovering from an eating disorder and is starting to count calories again: tsukishima, kenma

with a tall s/o who can be really clingy and touch deprived: nishinoya

with a s/o who gets a lot of confessions from others: oikawa, iwaizumi

helping his s/o who has trouble dealing with their self-harm addiction: tsukishima, akaashi, bokuto

with a jealous s/o: tsukishima, lev, oikawa

coming out to his team with his male s/o who is also on the team: kuroo, bokuto

comforting his s/o who is stressed out about finals: tsukishima, sakusa, suna

with an epileptic s/o who has a seizure while hanging out: tendou, koganegawa, and goshiki

when a short and pretty stranger asks him to take something from the top shelf: suna, koganegawa, lev

with a s/o who gets a lot of confessions from others: semi, kenma, bokuto

with a s/o who has gen z humor: tendou satori

“my boyfriend is coming” tiktok trend: kageyama, kuroo, tendou

with a s/o with body hair: oikawa, akaashi, kuroo

~~~ dec. 14th - dec. 21st

when his pretty and quiet s/o wants his attention: atsumu, sakusa, tsukishima

comforting his s/o going through an extremely hard time with an absent/uncaring father figure: sakusa, oikawa, ushijima

with a s/o with body hair: kageyama, kenma, osamu

reassuring his s/o that they’re not annoying and that they deserve love: kuroo, daichi, sugawara

kiyoko with a chubby s/o who is insecure and feels like they need to change themselves for her

how the teams would react to finding out about their adorable manager’s traumatic past: karasuno, fukurodani, shiratorizawa, nekoma, inarizaki, aoba johsai

s/o who is stressed while on their period: suna, sakusa

comforting his s/o who yearns for love and affection but feels like they don’t deserve love: kuroo, akaashi, suna

comforting s/o having a mental breakdown because of school and other problems: ushijima, bokuto, aone

s/o stops walking to see how far they go without noticing that they’re not following anymore: tiktok trend

with a s/o who gets a lot of confessions from others: kageyama, sakusa

comforting s/o who feels undeserving of love and extremely lonely: tendou

play fighting with his s/o and accidentally kicking her in her nono square, which leads to having to get stitches: tendou, suna, osamu

s/o who was an archaeologist who brought little rock/dino bones sand bricks: sakusa, atsumu

with a s/o who’s just like him: tendou satori

aoba johsai’s reaction to kyotani’s baby gf

osamu’s girlfriend seeing his black hair for the first time

comforting s/o who easily gets anxiety and panic attacks: akaashi, kuroo, tsukishima

with a mellow s/o who’s presence puts him at ease: iwaizumi, aone, and konoha

s/o who is always listening to music with him: kuroo tetsurou

with a s/o who relapsed into schizophrenia: yamaguchi tadashi

when he gets a lot of confessions (how his s/o reacts): osamu, atsumu, suna

s/o who got a septum piercing: kuroo, oikawa, akaashi

cuddling with his s/o while using visual triggers: tsukki, tanaka, kuroo

with a s/o who often dyes their hair funky colors: iwaizumi, kuroo

helping his s/o who has trouble dealing with their self-harm addiction: kuroo, sugawara, suna

s/o recovering from a restrictive eating disorder: kuroo tetsurou

inarizaki children with kita and his girlfriend singing

with a s/o who gets a lot of confessions from others: sugawara, tendou, akaashi

timeskip! tsukishima coming home after a long day at the museum

reacting to his s/o singing “love talk” by wayv: akaashi, tsukishima, kenma, kageyama

acoustic guitarist s/o sings to him: yamaguchi, kenma, sugawara

which haikyuu characters would get jealous when their s/o simps for other anime boys

~~~ dec. 24th - dec. 26th

s/o who’s a kpop idol: akaashi, kenma, sakusa

tucking s/o in for bed: osamu, kuroo, bokuto

when his s/o curses in their native language: oikawa, bokuto, iwaizumi

haikyuu characters having a kpop idol s/o and how they’ll react to sasaengs

~~~ dec. 27th - dec. 31st

little domestic things the haikyuu boys will do

just mean yet soft suna headcanons <33

when they catch their s/o self-harming in the changing room before/after a game: oikawa, iwaizumi, kuroo

playing rock-paper-scissors with him: atsumu, bokuto, kenma

haikyuu boys dating someone with duality (sweet, kind/ confident, flirty)

when he’s being very affectionate and cuddly with his s/o: atsumu, kageyama

s/o who takes off her clothes when she is asleep without realizing it: akaashi keiji

teaching his s/o how to slow dance: suna, kunimi, akaashi

random bf suna headcanons

hq boys’ reacting to coming home to their s/o having an otter (escaped from the zoo)

s/o who’s usually stoic, cold, and shy but is sweet to him: sugawara, akaashi, oikawa

looking after a worn out s/o: kuroo, ushijima, asahi

with a s/o who gets very clingy and affectionate when sleepy: tsukishima kei

with a s/o who is sad from losing one of their close friends: kuroo, akaashi, tsukishima

pov: it’s [9:14pm] and you’re his s/o. what are he doing right now?

haikyuu boys reacting to their s/o bawling their eyes out over a movie

#haikyuu masterlist

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anonymous-tals · 3 years ago

Text

Oops, I projected my mental health issues onto a fictional character that is similar to me. Time to write fanfiction, I guess!

TW: Eating Disorders. If you are struggling or are in recovery from an eating disorder, here’s a big ol’ trigger warning. There are no numbers or specifics about anything but it does center around Brad Bakshi of the show Mythic Quest struggling with his eating disorder.

This is not in an attempt to glamorize eating disorders(not that I wrote anything that would but just in case someone misinterprets this). Eating disorders are not cute or quirky. They are serious illnesses that lead to death. If you are struggling with an eating disorder, you deserve recovery. Please reach out for help to a trusted adult.

National Eating Disorder Association 1-800-931-2237

One last trigger warning for eating disorders before we begin! I hope the writing isn’t trash. If you have any critiques, feel free to comment them. I hope you enjoy the story(if this is cringey, future me, you have permission to murder me right now):

Brad’s eyes opened, squinting as he tried to adjust to the harsh lights. He looked around the room, confused as to where he was. After a couple of seconds, he identified the room as a hospital room. There was a lady sitting on a chair by the door reading a book. Adjusting himself, Brad slowly sat up, his head aching as he did. The lady perked up as she noticed Brad had awakened.

“Oh! You’re awake!”, she said, calmly, putting down her book.

“Where-Where am I?”, said Brad.

“You’re in the hospital, sir.” Brad looked around the room. The walls were a cool green. Typical nature photos shuffled through on a tv that was mounted on the wall in front of his bed as it waited to be used. There was a thin door that he guessed was either a bathroom or a closet. Brown cupboards lined the walls. He moved his arm only to notice there was a tube attached to it.

“What the hell happened?”, he thought. The previous day, or what he presumed to be the previous day, had been foggy. Well, pretty much everyday lately had been a blur.

“I’m going to go tell a nurse you’re awake so we can do weights and vitals.” A pang of fear struck him at the sound of the word weight. Someone else was going to see what he weighed. His thoughts were racing.

“Just take a deep breath.”, he thought. He tried to calm himself down by looking around the room. He noticed there was a card on the counter beneath the cabinets. Curiosity got the best of him and he stood up. Stars popped into his vision and he steadied himself before making his way to the counter. The tube was just barely long enough for him to reach it. The cover read, ‘Get well soon!’. Brad walked back to the hospital bed and sat on the edge of the mattress. “I wonder who it’s from?”, he thought, opening the card. “I can’t believe you are in the hospital! You appeared so healthy. Get well, soon, motu.”

“Brad Bakshi?”, a nurse called from the doorway. He looked up, tossing the card into a trash can by the bed. The lady who had been sitting in the room with him walked in and sat down again, opening her book. “Hello, I’m Amanda Armstrong and I’ll be your nurse today. Do you know why you’re here?”, she said.

“No.”, Brad replied, shortly.

“Well, you were brought here by…”, she looked down at a clipboard she was holding. “...Ian Grimm? Does that name sound familiar?”

“Yes, he’s my boss.” Brad kept his voice calm but his heart was starting to quicken. Memories from the day previous began to surface.

“Well, he said you had fainted while walking up a flight of stairs.” Brad’s calm demeanor cracked as the memories flooded back.

“Oh...yah. I remember that.”

“Yes, well, you got a concussion. Thankfully, it isn’t too bad.”

“When will I be getting out?”, Brad said, shaking away his feelings of anxiety.

“Well, let’s take your vitals first and then we can discuss that. Come with me.” Brad followed Amanda out into the hall. They didn’t walk for long but the environment made him feel uneasy. There was something surreal about it. Or maybe it was the fact that he felt a little light headed that made everything feel a bit off. “We’ll be in here.”, said Amanda, opening the door. Brad entered the room, surveying his surroundings. It looked like a typical room for check-ups. Amanda made her way to the computer sitting on the desk and started logging in and opening a file. “Ok, let’s do your vitals. I’m going to ask you to lay down and stay still, please!” She walked over to the wall where a weird machine stood. “I’m just going to put this on your arm, if you’d roll up your sleeve for me.” Brad rolled up his sleeve and she velcroed what appeared to be something relating to blood pressure. “Ok, I’m going to need you to answer honestly. Have you had any feelings of depression or sadness?”

“Excuse me?”, said Brad, startled, sitting up.

“Please lay down, Mr.Bakshi. Begrudgingly, Brad lay down.

“Why on earth are you asking me this?”, said Brad, frustrated.

“Well…”, she hesitated. “Ok, I’m going to be direct with you here. Your boss reported that you hadn’t been eating much and you have been appearing to be quite fatigued and dizzy. Right now, we’re doing your vitals to see what we’ll need to do.”

“Are you implying that I have an eating disorder? I’ll tell you right now that I don’t.”

“Well, the lanugo is telling a different story. Now, please, let’s go through the questions.” The nurse asked the questions while doing the vitals despite Brad giving short, passive aggressive answers.

“Ok, time for weight and height.” Brad's heart quickened.

“Do we have to?”

“I’m going to have you turn around. You won’t even see it!” He stepped onto the scale as he tried to hide his growing panic.

“You fat idiot. If you restricted more, maybe you wouldn’t be so anxious right now. You wouldn’t even be here, I bet! You fat, stupid, fatty-”

“Ok, you can step off!” The nurse's voice interrupted his thoughts and he stepped off the scale. Ok, let’s do your height.

She measured his height and then went over the computer and input the information.

“Ok. So, here’s what we’ve got going on here, Mr.Bakshi. Your vitals are showing symptoms of anorexia and so is your BMI.”

“BMI is garbage.”, Brad said dismissively.

“Well, that doesn’t disregard any of the other information. I can’t force you to do anything since you’re an adult but I would highly suggest going into inpatient care.”

“For the last time, I don’t have an eating disorder! Sorry, I care about my health! I thought losing weight was a good thing!” The nurse sighed before closing out of the tabs on the computer.

“Well, you can think it over during the next couple days. You’ll need to stay here to make sure your head is okay.” Rolling his eyes, Brad scoffed.

“Fine, whatever. My decision won’t change, though!”

They headed back to the room and Brad sat down on his bed. He stared at the tv. It had just faded to a picture of a monarch butterfly on a purple flower. His gaze travelled across the room until it fell onto the card he had thrown in the trash can.

“I bet I wouldn’t even get diagnosed with anything. I’m too fat. I need to be thinner. I’m not even that bad. I need to be that bad, though.” Just then, a sharp knock on the door halted his thoughts in their tracks. Brad looked up to see David standing at the doorway with a balloon and a gift bag.

“Great, just what I needed.”, said Brad, sarcastically.

“Nice to see you too, Brad.” Brad rolled his eyes in response. “The office was really worried about you! You sure took a tumble. Anyways, here’s a balloon! And a gift! Courtesy of your friends at the office!”

“Interesting. I didn’t consider you guys as friends.”, Brad replied coldly.

“What do you want me to say, then? Huh? Courtesy of everyone you annoy and pester?” Brad looked away, not responding. He was finding it harder and harder to keep his emotions hidden underneath.

“Listen, David. I don’t care about you guys and you guys don’t care about me and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“I’m sorry we’re decent enough human beings to care about other people.”

“Pshh, you don’t care about me. You just want to feel good about yourselves so you can feel like you’re a decent human being. So you can stop pretending you care about me because you don’t, ok? No one does.” His emotions were slipping through. He could feel his eyes welling up but he wouldn’t allow the tears to fall.

“Come on, Brad. Of course people care about you! Your brother for example! He’s a great guy! He threw you that awesome birthday party, remember?” Brad sat still, not responding. “Earth to Brad, anyone in there?”, David said, giving a small laugh.

“Shut up!” Brad shouted loudly, causing David to wince. “My brother is a horrible person. He has gone out of his way to ruin my life. In fact, he is ruining my life right now.” His voice cracked as a tear broke through.

“Brad, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize-”

“Just leave, ok? Please just leave.” Brad’s heart began to beat faster. “You idiot.”, he thought. “You let him see that you’re weak. You are weak. You’re just a fat, weak, pussy.” His breathing was getting quicker and quicker. The room started to spin. It felt like everything was happening all at once. Just then, he felt a hand on each of his shoulders.

“Take a deep breath, ok?”, said David. Brad hesitated before taking a deep breath in and letting it out. “In, 2, 3, 4. Out, 2, 3, 4. In, 2-” Slowly Brad began to calm down. He opened his eyes, not even realizing that he had closed them. “Better?”, asked David, taking a step back. Brad looked towards the window, avoiding eye contact, wiping the tears from his face. He tried to think of something witty to say but he was too tired. They were both quiet for a bit before David broke the silence. “Well, I have to go but I-”

“Stay. Please.” Brad didn’t break eye contact with the window.

“I...I guess I could stay.” David pulled up the chair that the lady had been in earlier. They sat there in silence for a while before David grabbed the remote for the TV. “Are you good with me putting something on?” Brad stayed quiet. “I’ll take that as a yes!” He scrolled through the small selection of movies before choosing something and relaxing into his chair.

…

They sat there for a while. Movies played while David talked about what had happened at the office that day. Poppy and Ian created an obstacle course to see who was better. Not better at one specific thing. Just better in general. Brad didn’t respond but every once in a while, a small smile would crack through.

“Well, it’s getting late so I think I should actually get going.”, David said, standing up and started walking out the door. Just before he left, Brad spoke.

“Thank you...for staying and all.” He, once again, wasn’t making eye contact.

“Of course, man. It’s no big deal!” There was a pause before Brad spoke again.

“They want me to do an inpatient program.”

“Oh? For…” David trailed off.

“Yah…” Brad started fidgeting with the corner of the blanket on the bed. “I don’t know what to do. Whether I should go or not.”

“Well, I’d say you should do what you think would benefit you best.”, said David, taking a couple steps towards him. Brad was silent.

“...Thanks, David.”

David gave a small wave as he walked out the door. Brad sat there awake for a while, unable to sleep. He sat there, listening to the sounds of the hospital through the door. A woman, presumably a nurse, poked her head in the room. “Would you like to order dinner?” Brad shook his head and the nurse left. He then spotted the gift bag that David had brought. He picked it up and removed the tissue paper stuffed in at the top. Inside there was a pig plush and a card. The plushy was adorable and very soft. He pet the pig plush, enjoying the soothing texture, before placing it in his lap and moving onto the card. It was your typical get better soon card. On the inside, there were either signatures or little get well messages from everyone. It seemed like the pig plush was Jo’s idea. Brad leaned over and placed the card on the side table next to his bed. He looked at it for a minute before grabbing the pig, getting under the covers and falling asleep.

#brad bakshi #brad bakshi fanfic #is this cringey? i can't tell.#mythic quest fanfic #mythic quest

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erenenthusiast · 4 years ago

Text

Brief explanation:

Isayama once said that Mikasa is a character who 'expresses herself via actions and facial expressions quite a lot. I sometimes feel that that's why a lot of her personal story gets overlooked - because she's not loud about it, and nor is anyone else. She's one of the most reticent characters in the manga and, more importantly, deliberately written that way. It's intentional on Isayama's part for Mikasa to mostly 'express herself via actions and facial expressions', and so, as difficult as it might be to follow, that's mostly how her personal journey is told.

Mikasa’s flaw

In a 2016 interview, Isayama said: 'Mikasa's growth probably involves separation from Eren'. People generally stop at that and go from there - they either believe that Mikasa can't grow as a person unless Eren stops being important to her, or that a Mikasa who isn't separated from Eren (emotionally, mentally, or physically) is inherently a flawed character. Isayama's explanation of the 'separation' he means is never usually discussed, even though he actually does go on to clarify it: 'Mikasa's growth probably involves separation from Eren. By separation, I mean she might be able to return to that ordinary girl that she used to be in childhood'. If the all-important 'separation' for her growth is about Mikasa returning to the 'ordinary girl she used to be, it's worth asking what isn't ordinary about the girl Mikasa became, and when that change happened. And once that 'non-ordinary' quality about Mikasa becomes apparent, it can be identified as Mikasa's flaw; the deficiency in her character that we can expect her to overcome.

Mikasa loving someone or wanting to protect them isn't in itself a flaw. It's a fairly ordinary, reasonable thing, and it's something plenty of other characters already display in the story: Franz wants to protect Hanna; Ymir, Historia, Eren, Mikasa; Kenny, Uri; Levi, Erwin, and so on ad infinitum. There's a reason that Mikasa's love for and general protectiveness towards Eren never changes. It's because it's not something she was ever meant to 'grow past or 'get over'. It was never her flaw.

The flaw is her fear.

Mikasa's overprotectiveness of Eren is what isn't 'ordinary, because it's connected to her deep, abiding fear of loss. Her desire to constantly stay by him is pitiful because, above all else, it represents her fear and her mistrust of the world. And it's why her 'separation' from him is about more than Mikasa's Fear.

This fear Mikasa has for Eren begins at a very particular point in the story which we build up to from here:

Mikasa and Eren's first significant spat is over his wanting to join the SC. She thinks it's too dangerous, and her fear is understandable. Our first view of the SC's return is cuts and blood and gore, and we - and Mikasa - watch a mother receive the paltry remains of her son:

Cuts and blood and gore are already how Mikasa lost one family:

And it's what Eren puts himself in danger of by going out into the world with the SC. Mikasa is afraid of losing him to the violence of the world, and she sees that fear reflected in Carla.

Mikasa has already seen how Moses' mother lost her son. And if, like Moses, Eren goes beyond the Walls with the SC, Carla might also eventually find herself holding nothing of her son but a single hand. So Mikasa makes her a promise:

But it wasn't Eren she needed to worry about after all.

This is the point at which Mikasa's fear begins.

Because all she has left from the carnage is Eren, Mikasa will never let happen to him what happened to her parents and to Carla. She is his protector. That is a role that she's chosen, and, to some extent, been given. This protection is built on her love for Eren, but also powerfully informed by her fear of the world; the world which hurts, maims, and kills people. The result of this fear is Mikasa's inability to trust anyone or anything with Eren, not even himself. She believes that she is the only one who can stop bad things from happening to Eren; that if she's not there, he will die.

So when Mikasa is pushed into a situation where she thinks Eren will be in danger, she prioritises Eren. Other considerations are pushed aside in favour of her one true goal: making sure she's there to keep him alive. But in the world of the SC, Mikasa is challenged on that immediately. Not just by Eren, but also by what happens in Trost. Mikasa saves innocent citizens from Reeves' greed and cruelty, and from titans.

Mikasa being confronted with things that are more important than always being with Eren happens fairly often to her. She also pretty consistently allows space for these 'other things, sometimes to her own surprise. The first time she's made to realise this about herself is in the Female Titan arc, when Levi points out that maybe she had 'selfish desires' for which she wanted to kill Annie.

That whole incident with Levi in Chapter 30 is significant for Mikasa's development in a few different ways.

1. When Levi says they'll focus on one objective and that won't include outright killing Annie, Mikasa's one objection is: 'How many of our comrades has she murdered?' Mikasa has no problem being straightforward with Levi. If her first and only consideration was Eren, she'd voice it. She'd even get away with it, because they all need Eren at this point. But instead, she reveals that she has a separate, personal desire: avenging their dead. Mikasa wants to kill Annie for her own reasons.

2. Levi states that their goal is to retrieve Eren. He gives himself the main role of 'slash[ing] away' at the titan, meaning that he will be the one to actually save Eren, who is in the titan's mouth. And he gives Mikasa the job of distracting Annie. Mikasa accepts a secondary role in a plan that is specifically to rescue Eren.

3. And when she does break from the plan, it's not so she can go and get Eren herself. Mikasa risks the objective of the mission - and Levi, and Eren - by going in for the kill. Mikasa risks the plan to save Eren by acting on her own desire to kill Annie.

Two important shifts take place here for Mikasa. One, she entrusts Eren to someone else, as demonstrated by her action of allowing Levi to take the lead. Two, her focus stops being, even for a short while, Eren - as confirmed by her facial expression when Levi challenges her on it, because she doesn't seem to immediately realise she's even capable of that:

The objective was: Forget killing the Titan. Rescue Eren. And Mikasa, for no matter how short a time, lost sight of that.

The fearful, overprotective aspect of Mikasa's relationship with Eren is beginning to change, because her relationship with the rest of her world is beginning to change. With his rescue of Eren in the forest, Levi proves to Mikasa that other people are just as capable of protecting Eren as she is. And if she happens to take her mind off Eren for a bit, it doesn't mean he'll die.

This is where the 'separation' begins. Mikasa starts to accept distance between herself and Eren; the distance of being able to trust others with him, of not needing to constantly be with him and personally oversee his safety. And it leads to this watershed moment in the Uprising arc:

Mikasa. Whilst Eren has been kidnapped. And all they know is that he's inside a coffin with some random undertaker at some random inn. Maybe.

In Chapter 4, Mikasa couldn't handle Eren being in a different part of the city from her during a mission because of how afraid she was that he'd die without her. In Chapter 30, she let Levi take the lead on getting Eren back, and was shocked when she realised that, even for an instant, she'd prioritised something else over him. In Chapter 57, Eren's been kidnapped, no one's been certain for two days about where he is or what's happening to him, and Mikasa is, well, as pictured above.

The debilitating fear that used to tie Mikasa to Eren is gone for good. She's finally let Eren go, and discovered that it doesn't mean she'll lose him.

Mikasa's separation from Eren = her beginning to trust the rest of the world not to stab him in the chest, almost behead him, or eat him alive whilst she's not there. It's good for her because it means she stops being so terrified that she'll lose Eren, not because it means she'll stop loving him or wanting him to be safe.

My perspective on Mikasa is that she's not a very obvious character when it comes to development, and so she sometimes appears static. And because so much of her drive is Eren, a lot of fans look to her relationship with Eren to change for proof that she's somehow developed. But Mikasa's obstacle, her personal flaw, isn't Eren himself, and never has been. Her flaw has always been her deep and debilitating fear about losing the people she loves - Eren and Armin - and her inability to put trust on them. But with the series proceeding it changes. It's good for her because it means she stops being so terrified that she'll lose Eren, not because it means she'll stop loving him or wanting him to be safe. And she reached that point of separation a long time ago in the manga.

#mikasa #aot #attack on titan #snk #eren #mikasa ackerman #eremika

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