#hopefully someone posts the differences eventually so i can get a more accurate opinion

[paimonial-rage]

i've never used ff.net before, but i get that feeling of people interacting with your fic from ages ago. i used to write on wattpad and i occasionally get emails of activity. boggles my mind.

i love Sharing A Drink They Call Loneliness. the title itself is already chef's kiss. i mentioned in my tags that reader is a great foil for zhongli. teaching him that a life forgotten is not a life wasted is so interesting, especially for someone who lived for thousands of years and has mentioned concerns of stories being lost to time. there is an ounce of truth in it for a human: just because they are forgotten it didn't mean they didn't live their life wastefully.

kind of jealous at people who can just "hear" characters in their head. i have a lot of difficulty with that but maybe i haven't put enough effort? i can vouch that your dialogue is entertaining, kekek. is there a specific reason why you can't write kaeya?

you're right about vilifying people who have hurt you. life is never that simple as much as we want it to be. not that oversimplification is bad, but oversimplification without acknowledgment of complexities is just wishful thinking--to me. i think that's also the area of mental illness people can't romanticise, so it's rarely talked about even though such mental states and its effects are very real.

you briefly mentioned writing a thoma x reader exploring this theme and i am so down bad for it. i AGREE. i've shared this with my friends but thoma is very lucky he found himself in a loving family. his sense of loyalty can go so wrong in bad hands, and i don't think the kamisatos are that innocent either. i mean, hyv probably want to portray them as such, but fanfiction is transformative work for a reason, haha.

omg 4 goals... i wish you all the best with yae's fic. it's definitely a double-edge sword not having a clear picture of what you're going to write. may 2023 be a year we finish a portion of our wips, haha. -- @milkstore

It just boggles me. Why are people reading fics from so long ago? Are they that deprived of cringe content??? I don’t have any works on Wattpad though… which probably is a good thing. There’s a lesser chance of them being found on a dying site… :’)

And despite whatever I say, Sharing a Drink They Call Loneliness is actually my favorite fic. I love having convos like that with my friends. You’re completely right about reader being a foil. Whenever I see Zhongli, I always felt that like… he needs a friend, one that only knows him as Zhongli, and one that can give a different frank point of view. I’m excited to write the companion piece to that one, But It’s Better Than Drinking Alone. But I’m still trying to work out everything in my head. It takes place after his second character quest.

While I can hear character’s voices in my head, I’m definitely not the best at figuring out how they’ll even respond in the first place. If I know how they’ll respond, I can figure out how they’ll word their response. For Kaeya, I NEVER know how he’ll respond to things. So reading your Kaeya fics, it’s just so fascinating. You write him in a way that has me like, “I WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!!!!” It’s so in character. I love it!

And you’re completely right about the oversimplifying without addressing the complexities. With mental illness too, it’s easy for people to whine about how much it affects them, but it’s rare people look at the effect their mental illness(es) have on others. Or at look at it objectively and not in the eyes of “oh I hate myself so much I’m a burden :’((((((“

For that Thoma story I want to write, you’re completely right. I don’t think the Kamisatos are as innocent as they make them out to be. I feel Ayaka is aware of everything, but Ayato… Have you ever read his line about preferring dogs? I’m sure all of his servants and the Shuumatsuban are extremely loyal, but I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be raised like that. Children naturally want praise and they’ll try their best to achieve it. So to devote their life so loyally only to be treated as nothing better than a dog in the end. And then on top of that for such a favored position of housekeeper and close confidant to be given to a foreigner? I imagine it’d break a person.

And thank you for the best wishes!!! Not having a clear view is killing me. I may write it and then put in a deleted scene…… Idk…. orz DO YOUR BEST TOO.

Answering two asks in this haha

I know right??? People that can write a full story with only a few words… It’s a power that I do not possess. Especially one that has a very satisfying ending and achieves the right level of emotional impact. Even though you deleted your Kaveh fic, I really loved the way you illustrated the reader’s mental state. You didn’t state it clearly, but painted the scene clearly of anxiety-induced stagnancy and how it gets worse the more you stay stagnant.

I really need to do research on romance tho haha. Like… When I first started writing that Zhongli fic, people sent messages wanting there to be romance and I remember sitting there like… “I didn’t write this with romance in mind….” Honestly I have a hard time seeing him pursue a romance with a mortal, let alone any romance in the first place. As of right now, I still am not sure how I want it to end or if I’m capable of having it have a more intimate end. I’ll have to just see where it takes me. orz

And thank you for the offer for beta reading! I actually will take you up on that. I just need to find the time to message you. I swear I have a discord but I always forget to hop on it. I know I said I’d message you a while back, but I still plan on doing it!!!! I just have to get over the fear of sending a message and being like, “Hello, sorry my wips are a tangled mess…. :’))))” I’m just shy lol orz

You mentioned love triangles in your reply to my ask and like… Harems and love triangles are on the same level for me. I will respect your right to torture yourself with harems. LOL I’ve actually lowkey seen a harem irl for myself and like… In love triangles and harems, the person everyone falls in love with are always clueless, but like… THAT JUST AIN’T REALISTIC IRL. Those people know exactly what they’re doing. They just like the attention too much to give it up.

…

That being said… That being said……….. When I see those things happening irl, I don’t really care. I can interact with all of those people just fine. They’re all usually very fun people. But somehow when it is in written format, my brain just explodes and I just, “AAUUUGHGHGHGHGH”

[shihalyfie]

What went down with the DigiFes situation, from the community and translator perspective

I think the events of the last few days have gotten everyone in a huge fuss, and because everything got caught up in a lot of chaotic social media stuff, there’s been a lot of questions about what came from what and who knew what at what time. Fortunately, I happen to be:

Someone who’s a veteran in this fanbase and thus has a small handful of friends in this community, who also have their own friends

Someone who understands a little Japanese (although not as much as others in this community do) and therefore can read things in Japanese myself to some degree without needing someone else to translate it for me

So hopefully I can shed some light on what kinds of things were being discussed, and what was known and not known at what time in this fanbase with all of this.

The most important thing I want to establish is that there was no organized coalition or smear campaign. (Kind of ironic I have to say this when the topic at hand has so much to do with conspiracy theories.) I’m a veteran, I know friends who are veterans, they know other friends who are veterans but don’t know me at all. My friends usually agree with and like the same things I do, and I give them advice and assistance with my skillset when I can, and they return the favor. We pass things along through the grapevine, not through some super-secret club grapevine, just via the nature of social relationships and some Discord servers (multiple; again, not everyone knows each other). So these are my impressions of what happened, based on said grapevine.

How it all started

Konaka’s blog is long. Like, really long. Which is only natural, because he was recapping basically the entire 51 episodes of Tamers in excruciating detail, so no translator in this fanbase would be able to translate all of that and not lose their mind! So for the most part people who couldn’t read Japanese had pretty much given up on reading it (with maybe a few dedicated people using machine translation), and some people who understood Japanese would point out parts they found interesting, but for all intents and purposes it remained untranslated and not super-accessible to the mainstream. (Even the Japanese fanbase itself wasn’t super aware of the blog’s existence.)

So when that first post in May about 9/11 dropped, the people who did read Japanese started going “uh...”

At the time, the DigiFes stage reading hadn't been announced yet. So, in other words, everyone reading it only knew it as, functionally, him namedropping an alt-right YouTuber and praising his observations. The reaction from anyone reading the blog at the time was something along the lines of “disappointed and mildly concerned.” (Note the mildly.)

The posts in June about the Great Reset and the anti-vaccine sentiment were when people keeping an eye on the situation started to get really worried about how far this was going to escalate. At this point, I want to make something clear that may not be apparent to those who weren’t keeping up or who are outside the fanbase: Most of the translators and Japanese-reading people deliberately chose not to be too public about this at this time.

Why?

This is the irony surrounding the fact that said translators are now being accused of trying to further “cancel culture”: cancellation was absolutely not what anyone wanted back then! If anyone wanted to create a smear campaign, 9/11 conspiracies, the Great Reset, and anti-vaccine statements are already more than enough to make a starting case. But at the time, this was a blog that very few people (Japanese or otherwise) knew about, translating it would basically just boost its platform more than it would have had in the first place (which would be counterproductive), and -- well, let’s be real, it’s not hard to imagine that people might get reactionary over it, and people would go nuts. Was there any real benefit that would come out of that? Not really, no.

So at the most, those keeping an eye on it might have vented a bit on their personal accounts, but some even tried to self-censor with “[redacted]” or vagueposting, because this was a matter that needed to be handled with delicacy. Thus, there were “mild rumors through the grapevine” about what was going on, but those who knew were trying to hold back with restraint and mostly inform people quietly in the hopes of this not needing to become some kind of huge social media campaign.

(Also, to be a bit blunt about it, it’s really hard to be in front of someone who loves Tamers and is gushing about it and showing admiration for Konaka, knowing all of this and wanting to say something, but feeling like a jerk if you pop their bubble like “also, he’s probably an alt-right conspiracy theorist now.” Not to say that the ignorance-is-bliss concept is always a good thing, but...)

But since the blog posts in question were discussing the prospect of having his sentiments in fiction, everyone reading them was on edge anticipating what might be in store for DigiFes. The hope was that it might blow over. Hopefully, everything would be in the form of subtle themes with plausible deniability, it would all stay within the realm of “it’s not worth causing a fuss over this,” that would be the end of it, and we’d all move on with our lives.

Unfortunately, “Political Correctness is activating Cancel Culture” isn’t exactly subtle.

DigiFes and the aftermath

I think it’s too easy to assign too much responsibility to the fansub group that was indirectly responsible for breaking the news for all of this, but actually, the truth is, this would have gotten out anyway.

Even when the stream itself was going on, there were Japanese livebloggers, and there were also English speakers who caught on that something was happening with “the Tamers fighting political correctness”. Some hours later, an upload of the stream went live on YouTube, and quite a few people started watching it and caught onto what was going on. If the fansub group that released the now-infamous version hadn’t done it, I’m absolutely certain someone else would have eventually (perhaps in a different language first, but nevertheless). And even before then, information about what the hell was going on was already starting to circulate in broken and incomplete forms. That fansub solidified what was going on, and perhaps accelerated the moment the bomb dropped on everyone, but if it hadn’t been there, it would have happened much more gradually and chaotically.

On top of that, while the use of Western alt-right rhetoric (seriously, please do not try to bring the “injecting Western politics into Japanese media” argument here when all of us are asking him to take the Western politics out) meant that it went over most of the Japanese audience’s heads (hence your answer to “who approved this?”), there was at least one Japanese person who was politically savvy enough to call it out for what it was in disgust. (I’m not linking them here because I’m not dumb enough to fling them in a place where some of you trigger-happy people will go after them.) They didn’t even need to be super in-tune with Western politics to get it; they understood enough to tell that there were some pretty alarming extremist views in there. If they understood that much, it was naturally going to follow that the Western side was definitely going to become aware one way or another.

Even all that aside, at the very least, said fansub is accurate; imagine how much worse this situation would have been if someone else had taken it up and confused things further with a misleading translation, or, worse, deliberately messed with the contents. Basically, this debacle could have easily been a lot worse.

I don’t think anyone expected this to get as big as it did (as in, to the point mainstream anime reporters outside the fanbase picked up on it). There was a similar tri. reading back in 2016, but even a lot of the hardcore fanbase barely remembers it exists! These aren’t even supposed to be canon, either! But when you have that disclaimer at the front, and the contents are really like that, it was probably inevitable for it to become a social media sensation. I mean the contents...sure are a thing.

One thing I should point out about the disclaimer is that it only mentions the program itself. It doesn’t bring up the blog, and it doesn’t bring up who wrote this scenario, just the fact that the program contains alt-right rhetoric and conspiracy theories. Because it does! It’s not even technically praising or condemning the content within, it just says “we don’t agree with it”! What the group did condemn was...approaching staff about it (and especially starting a fight). Because, in the end, that’s what the disclaimer was for: a heads-up about what was in there, and an added reminder that the people translating this are just translating it for the sake of informational purposes. Or, in other words:

It was a content warning. Even without the disclaimer, there were many, many people who would have recognized the contents for what they were and been caught by it unawares, and become upset by it. There were many people who said that they were glad to have that there because it at least gave them some time to mentally prepare for what they were about to be slapped with!

It really, really was a disclaimer. When you have something that level of extremely politically charged stuff, it’s only natural to start suspecting that the translation group had an agenda (official translations tend to get this a lot when content is remotely political). But no, the translation group did their due diligence, even if their opinions were starkly opposed to what was in there.

I was not personally involved in that translation, but I’ll give you this (copy-pasted with permission, from someone who wasn’t technically involved directly in it but was privy to discussions while it was being done):

no we brought up all of those questions like the fact that Yamaki's clearly off his rocker and this isn't supposed to be taken seriously in the first place or that maybe if we're lucky he'll just sound like a fake woke boomer but no matter how you slice it the plot is about him "convincing" the unbelieving Takato and co. into rallying up against the true enemy of Political Correctness and that's just literally the alt-right playbook in a nutshell

the thing even made it to YouTube, we were basically racing against the clock

I mean I really want to say this is plausible deniability but I don’t know how you can get any less subtle than this, this is not something you can mince words

like I really wish we could pass this off as “as long as you don’t know the blog you can take this innocently as political commentary or something” but I honestly don’t think this is something you can take innocently even without context

tbh the Political Correctness part is the most cringeworthy but Yamaki’s rant about fact checkers being evil and all that is probably a lot more worrying when you think about it

tbh I’ve never felt as conflicted about what’s the right thing to do as I do now

So in other words, it was not a reckless decision to just tack on a political label; it was done after a lot of consideration about the consequences to put the label on and what people would think of it with or without context, whether there might be a glimmer of light possibility to try and pass this off as more innocuous as it was, and eventually a determination that, in the end, there was indeed alt-right rhetoric in the program, and should be labeled accordingly.

The result was that, of course, everything broke out on social media, chaos burst out, a lot of hearts were unfortunately broken, and a lot of alt-righters started invading spaces accusing people of proving him right with cancel culture. Ironically, my personal observation is that, while there were exceptions, most people in the actual fanbase did honor the requests to not harass people about it, and this may actually be the most solidarity I’ve ever seen from the Digimon fanbase in my life, which is saying a lot considering how we usually tend to be a drama magnet most of the time. The ones who were actually directly messaging him were his newfound supporters locking down on offering him “support against people trying to cancel him” (I think they were more heartbroken and upset at him than anything...), and most of the harassment came from alt-righters not even in the fanbase, namesearching and sending harassing, accusatory messages to anyone involved for as much as expressing mild dismay. (You want to talk about harassment and being attacked for having an opinion? Pot, meet kettle.)

This leads us back to the question of the blog: if you’ll remember, I just said that the fansub in question did not bring it up at all. That’s because, at the beginning, there was no intention to bring it up if it wasn’t necessary; this was not intended as a smear campaign. The warning was attached to the DigiFes program because it was about the DigiFes program. But the resulting chaos had a lot of people bring up the blog because it better contextualized what was going on, and discussion led to people looking it up themselves and posting fragments of it on social media, sometimes even using machine translate.

Ultimately, that’s the reason this document was released: it was the same reason as the fansub being released at the time it was, which was “if it hadn’t been released, the alternative was watching things get disseminated more slowly and chaotically.” I will say outright that I was one of the people who got to lay eyes on that document before it was publicly released (and even helped out with some advice here and there); it’s no secret that it was being quietly passed around as an internal memo prior to the outbreak. The original version of the document had a request to not post it on public social media because of the chaos it would cause, and while I don’t know how many people got to see it before it was released, I’m under the impression that it was enough people that I was quite surprised everyone who saw it respected that request.

Why does the document contain a ton of analysis and debunking on top of just the translations? Well, when you’re translating those blog posts, you’re technically giving it a bigger platform (which was one of the reasons it was originally considered better to not post it publicly). Since the document exists primarily to inform people, especially about why certain things that may seem innocuous actually have wider context behind them, it’s going to need to contain an analysis like that.

The summary

There were a lot of decisions involved by a lot of different people through all parts of this ordeal. I think it’s fair to criticize whether they were the right decisions in retrospect or whether certain things should have been done slightly differently (including my small role in this), but nevertheless, it was one where the risks involved were thought through and taken into account in every step of the situation, with a desire to avoid chaos, or at least prevent it from getting too much worse. When you have contents like this, a controversy honestly is inevitable -- how on earth are you going to be able to put contents like Yamaki reciting off all the typical alt-right YouTuber talking points and ending in Political Correctness activating Cancel Culture and not expect that to make a stir at some point? -- and so, in the end, this wasn’t so much a conscious attempt at stirring the pot as much as it was the dam finally breaking, and a desire to keep it from spilling over too much. Nobody coordinated this! I think everyone just really hates drama.

Knowing all the steps and thoughts that went on behind all of this, I think being reactionary or accusatory for clout is the last thing anyone involved wanted to be. Considering just how many of these steps above could have easily been made into exposure, from the posts all the way back in May and June to the internal memo document that was made to keep friends quietly informed but could have been leaked to the public with only one bad actor, there was an active, common desire among people who didn’t even know each other to try and minimize the potential damage as much as possible. When you look at the situation now, of course it looks awful and hardly like something that came out of “trying to minimize damage”, but in reality there’s only so much you can do when the contents really are like that, and I personally believe everyone involved was doing what they thought was their best option as the situation kept changing.

I can’t speak for anyone else, especially since I don’t even know most of the people involved, and I didn’t have much of a role in all of this, but I think everyone involved, myself and my friends and everyone who’d been keeping tabs on this situation for months, has been going through a lot of heartbreak and conflict over what to do next, so please understand that there was a lot of thought put into all of it, and that it really was a difficult situation no matter how you look at it.

[lady-griffin]

ANIME SPECULATION

As I brought up in an earlier post (x), one issue I have with the anime is that I feel at times it can lack dynamic tension and certain scenes can feel passive.

BUT I think there is a good chance that the anime might be doing some of it on purpose.

There are certain scenes in the Manga and Light Novels that while the anime  also has them as well, it doesn’t really show what the Manga/Light Novels emphasize, particularly when it comes to certain characters.

SPOILERS BELOW SPOILERS BELOW SPOILERS BELOW

Out of all the characters in the anime, I think it’s safe to say that Geordo has been lacking the dynamic feel that he had in both the Manga and Light Novels.

Which has felt weird to me.

Geordo is a dynamic character and we often see the Real Geordo in regards to Katarina or just underneath the surface when interacting with his friends/rivals. His frustration, jealousy, annoyance...etc.

He’s not the perfect fairytale prince people assume him to be. But for the most part in the anime, we haven’t really seen much of a contradiction to that idea.

We haven’t seen the Black-Hearted Prince that the anime has brought up more than once (because the LN/Manga also brings it up).

I first wondered if this was because the anime lacks the same dramatic/emotional tension the Manga/LN have. But that didn’t make sense to me…or I guess, I hope it’s not true.

But due to the recent episode “I Had Fun Over Summer Vacation,” I am now considering something different.

Due to how the anime changed a significant scene with Sirius.

During the summer vacation Katarina runs into the Sirius at a ball, when she asks him if there’s anyone he’s interested in – he coldly and angrily responds to her. It scares Katarina, but he’s quickly back to his ‘normal self’ – so Katarina wonders if what she saw was really what she saw.

In the anime, Sirius doesn’t respond to Katarina like that at all. AT ALL. Their conversation is brisk and he doeshave an angry expression after Katarina leaves, but Sirius doesn’t lose his mask for even a second.

Which was surprising to me.

That scene (LN/Manga) is really the first scene that showed any sign that he had any capacity for animosity towards anyone, let alone Katarina, which eventually leads to the climatic confrontation.

On the other hand, though, it’s pretty obvious in the Manga/LN that Sirius or as we later learn, Raphael is the ‘bad guy’, and that scene is that one big indicator (if not the only).

I like the anime is still keeping things under wraps.

Because now (hopefully) when the characters express surprise that Sirius/Raphael is the one behind the attacks on Katarina, we the audience can relate to them and feel that surprise along with them.

I also really like the red herring aspect to Sirius in the anime, so far. There’s no indication he’s plotting any dark shit, but instead it comes across that he too is falling for Katarina (which technically is also true).

In the Manga and Light Novel, it isn’t really so much of a surprise that Sirius plays a much larger part than we thought or is the one behind things, once it’s indicated someone is behind everything. 

The real surprise, is how dark his story actually is. I’m still not over that shock of the transition of Funny/Happy Reverse-Harem story to HUMAN SACRIFICE. 

There’s also the red herring of the noble girls, standing afar from Sirius.

At first glance, it looks like these girls are planning something against Raphael or even Katarina.

It appears as though these girls are emitting some dark energy themselves. Or that it’s just a style-choice by the anime (it’s not, but I like that it could be ignored as just that).

Which is excellent in my opinion. The anime is building these girls about to be the main villains, but they are just the red herring to the real threat of Raphael. 

I just really like that the anime is building up to that. 

The anime isn’t showing the darker, tenser scenes of Raphael (that are in the LN/Manga) before he’s revealed to be who he is. Allowing for the big reveal to be a surprise and far more dramatic (I’m presuming).

Which brings us back to Geordo. 

Geordo has been pretty passive in his expressions and even commentary – especially in comparison to the Manga and Light Novels. 

For example, we don’t really get the shaded or heated arguments between him and Keith – that Katarina is oblivious to.

But because of the change in Raphael’s scene in the most recent episode, I got to thinking that maybe the anime is presenting Geordo that way because that’s how the majority of people see Geordo (in the world) as it is how he presents himself.

They don’t notice that Black-Hearted aspect of him, because he simply doesn’t display it.

And if that’s the case, then my interest is certainly piqued.

Because there are two scenes where Geordo’s emotions are the most important when it comes to him outwardly expressing them and him abandoning his Fairytale Prince mask (so to speak).

The Accusation Scene and The Infirmary Scene

In both scenes, Geordo is furious that people are trying to hurt Katarina or have succeeded in doing so.  

So, if what I think is happening, then I am very interested in those two scenes.

In the Manga and Light Novels, more or less they say (or imply) that seeing Geordo outwardly expressing his emotions or his persona slipping, is surprising to see. But it’s not.

Or more accurately, it’s not really surprising for the reader – because we’ve been seeing glimpses of it and even got a full tour, with his POV chapter in the first Novel.

But I wonder for the anime, instead of just telling us it’s a surprise to see Geordo lose control of his emotions and or his collected demeanor, we actually get to experience it firsthand.

Show over tell.

In the anime, we do still get a clear sense of the frustration laying underneath Geordo’s surface when he’s cockblocked by his rivals, but he still has his mask up. Possibly because as much as he’s frustrated, he’s not truly angry– like he would be if someone actually hurt Katarina.

If this is what the anime is doing, then the Accusation and Infirmary Scenes, when Geordo’s emotions are really out on display will definitely have an impact – because we haven’t seen that side of Geordo in the anime as of yet.

So, him outwardly expressing his anger will not exactly be a surprise, but hopefully will have the same impact for both the audience and characters.

I’m also, kind of, basing this speculation off this one screenshot.

This also makes me cautiously optimistic about the Bully Accusation Scene.

There is a lot I love about that scene in general (including some personal shit that gets me teary), but one thing I love is that Keith and Geordo are FURIOUS.

The two characters that Katarina had grown the closest two and formed pretty powerful bonds with, are also the same two people she is most scared of…in regards to their roles in her catastrophic endings.

BUT LOOK HOW MAD THESE TWO ARE

The idea that these two could ever harm or feel negatively towards Katarina (in this timeline) truly feels the most outlandish it has ever felt during this one scene.

Which I love the contrast, because this is the first time we’ve really seen the two pissed off and scary, so you would think that it does indicate some truth to what Katarina’s fears. BUT the only reason they are like this, is because of how much these two both love and adore Katarina. 

I would love to the anime to really emphasize how truly scary Keith and Geordo are when it comes to anyone going after Katarina.

Geordo because of his Fairytale Prince Persona and Keith, because well Keith is such a big sweetheart.

Also, there might a build up to Geordo losing his cool and collected demeanor.

There’s frustration underneath his pleasant surface when he’s interacting with his friends/rival, but there’s no reason for him to lose his composure. Geordo still believes he’s in control (so to speak).

Then in the Accusation Scene, he could very well still comes across calm and collected, while still being pissed and it showing. A scary ice-cold anger as Geordo’s still in control. 

Then, when Katarina is actually physically in danger, he loses control and punches the wall out in anger, because he wasn’t there to protect the person he cares most about. Despite everything he’s done, he wasn’t there when Katarina needed him. 

That’s my hope at least.

Now, maybe I’m giving the anime too much credit or maybe I’m projecting (unfairly) my own thoughts on what I think “should happen.”

But, nonetheless, I think it would be very smart  if the more passive Geordo in the anime is all for the sake of having impactful moments when Geordo is truly angry/upset. 

So, that’s my theory/speculation as where the anime might be going. 

[scoundrels-in-love]

Ship wars

What a theme! There’s definitely been great many essays written about it and I am not sure what fresh and interesting take I can offer, but well, let’s try to organize some thoughts.

I think Ship Wars hail from the very fundamental way that people in large groups grow very confident that their truth is the only one that matters and that they have right to bully anyone out of theirs.

It is natural that different people care for different ships and different dynamics. It’s completely alright, to have the canon OTPs and to find these rareships created by maybe few sentences exchanged, based only on the potential what these two could have. It’s unavoidable that someone will think their interpretation of the character is more accurate than someone else’s - and they might even be right in a way. Such as they are paying attention to a nuance another group isn’t (and they might be missing out on some other) because of their unique perspective. It’s okay to just go hogwild and project wildly and run with a fanon or personal headcanons you love.

The problem comes when you decide to be hurtful and righteous about it, instead of accepting the other opinions, headcanons, projections and ships also have right to exist. That there will never be One Unique take and, gasp, even if there was, it might not be yours. Even if stuff goes canon, because as we all know, writers aren’t infallible.

I am not going to lie and pretend that I am not a snob about some ships, downright frustrated about some concepts that are prelevant in some of my fandoms or that I find some ships unpalatable, problematic or some such.

In fact, sometimes it is born from the way some people treat their favorites, going on offense even if there’s no negativity towards them, or how aggressive they are towards actors and so forth, which completely poisons my view of the ship and shippers alike over time.

Yes, I am a salty, opinionated bitch. But I know where to express it and where not to. If I talk about my opinion with likely minded individuals, don’t go to send anon hate or write meta that puts down another ship and then slap it in specific tags, I think it is within my right.

I think that when people are too caught up in their own passionate dislike of some ship and try to support their own, it can be actually harmful to themselves/their side of fandom as well, because it basically reduced the ship to the ship war, dragging your own content through mud of bitterness and annoyance.

I have been in a situation where I ship one ship and some old time mutuals ship an absolute NOTP and the absolute effort to find my ship content that doesn’t bash on their ship or character involved in it, to reblog was an absolute mine field. Exhausting. Annoying. Eventually enough to actually make me stop engaging with my OTPs content, because I was too tired of the negativity and the sifting through to not accidentally be a dick to my mutual (even if I agreed with some of the takes, in private).

I think the mob mentality that takes over people when ship wars arise is quite, quite scary as it would be in any other case and when it’s a widely known fandom with people all over the world, throwing their weight behind it... It can be absolutely horrifying and showing the worst people can do. It’s not pretty and I don’t think there’s universal advice to stop it. There will always be people who just Have To Do It Like This and they will find another person like that and grow in numbers, emboldened.

So, if you’re growing tired of it all, just try to curate your social media experience with what you block, who you follow or don’t. Find people to talk with about things you think in earnest, maybe post a carefully tagged rant or two if you must about your take on character or ship without going out of your way to bash other characters or ships to find more likely minded individuals. And, in the end, even if you fundamentally disagree about some things in a TV show or a book, it doesn’t actually mean you always have to throw the whole person (friend) out.

I could talk some about purity culture here, but I feel like much smarter people have spoken a lot better about these topics, so I will refrain, but it is a thing that also links back to ship wars, with this self acclaimed ‘moral superiority’ mentality that often comes with some shippers and ships. Things that make ship wars turn personal on some people.

Essentially, TL;DR is to not be a shitty person and let other people ship what they ship and vent your salt with people in private, if it really gets on your nerves so much and, hopefully, the other people will stick to their spaces as well. But in the end, ship wars are inevitable, so just do your part in not being casualty to them if you can.

Also, this is written at 1am so some errors in my logic or otherwise might occur.

Send me ☕️ for a rant on topic of your choice?<3

[thejustmaiden]

The Sesshomaru F*cks Debacle

Hey, fellow Inuyasha fans! How we feeling?? I imagine a lot of us are doing quite fabulously after the recent news we got about the sequel coming out this Fall, "Hanyou No Yashahime." So if it wasn't obvious already, I want to take the time to discuss the topic of- you guessed it- Sesshomaru. Go figure! 

***THIS IS A REPOST OF MY ORIGINAL BLOG THAT DISAPPEARED FROM THE TAGS. PICS/GIFS HAVE BEEN REMOVED TO HOPEFULLY REPAIR THAT.***

Let's be real, as much as probably (and literally lol) all of us have viewed him as "daddy material" at some point or another during our teens, Sesshomaru being physically intimate with another being, much less a human, is difficult to conjure up in our minds. And there's nothing wrong with that, per se, as sex and romance doesn't come so easily to some as it does to others. Then again, that's not to say a romantic relationship is completely impossible or unattainable for him either. 

I, for one, am not a huge fan of the idea of Sesshomaru siring children of his own. Granted, adopting/protecting children and other small companions is kinda his thing (I saw one user even describe him as a 'walking daycare' 🤣), and maybe it'll just take some getting used to, but all in all it's not entirely unfathomable to picture him having biological children. Though I'd be lying if I said I still didn't prefer he just took these two twin half-demon girls in and under his wing instead, like he did Rin. However, seeing as that's unlikely the case since the two girls resemble him in some fashion, the chances of that coming true are slim, which must mean that Sesshomaru did in fact bone some lucky lady. That's not to say I don't acknowledge that there's still a chance these kids aren't truly his but we'll see! 

Which leads me to the real reason behind this blog! I'd like to address in-depth why I and so many other Inuyasha fans consider shipping S*ssrin as wrong and why it makes a lot of us extremely uncomfortable. 

BUT FIRST BEFORE I FORGET, I want to give a little unofficial disclaimer by stating that this blog isn't intended to upset certain fans regarding my stance on the controversial ship. Thus I will not tag it under that ship name, and I suggest others who agree with me to do the same in any of their future posts. 

Because let's not forget that the most important thing is that we're all fans here. We fell in love with this story and hold its beloved characters close to our hearts for a reason. And that still counts even if you're returning to this fandom a decade later. So please, let's try and remember that and be civil towards one another. Putting people down by attacking and insulting others in real life really doesn't make us any better than them. I REPEAT, please do not engage in this post unless you plan to be kind and respectful of others who may have a differing opinion than you. There's never a need to be ugly towards another human being. That goes for all shippers and fans of Sesshomaru in general. Thank you in advance for your understanding and compliance. 😊

Again, none of these comments are aimed at being inflammatory towards those fans who have a different approach to this pairing. If any of you are reading this now, please keep that in mind before deciding to participate in any discourse with me and other antis. 

Okay, let me go ahead and list a few of the main arguments fans of this particular ship use to support them together. Then I'll give my reasons why those aren't enough to justify their relationship turning romantic:

1. Rin will be an adult before they get romantically involved

2. Sesshomaru didn't raise her and therefore isn't her father; he was never like a father to her in the first place

3. Sesshomaru hasn't been grooming her, not then and not now. Besides, it was Rin's choice first.

4. Age difference shouldn't matter when you look at other relationships in the series (InuKag, Koga x Ayame, etc.)

5. It was always going to be canon because the drama CDs exist

 These are the main points I'm seeing around. Now let's dissect them, shall we? These are my direct responses- I'll try to keep them short and concise. Fyi: Jk! I'm lying, that never happens. 😆

1. Rin may be an adult, but from our standpoint that doesn't make much of a difference. It doesn't matter because it's all about how her relationship with Sesshomaru started off and how it continued onwards. From that moment, it was basically established from the get-go that their relationship resembles that of one a young girl shares with an older man who winds up becoming her guardian. She initiated it by trying to bring him food while he was injured, and he reciprocated by deciding to bring her back to life that fateful day. 

Of course we're all happy that he did, because he's a better demon for it and a similar thing could be said about her! Therefore you must understand that fans against this pairing find it very hard to grasp the notion of a budding romance here when we look at their history. For us, it's synonymous to imagining a father eventually falling in love with his daughter or someone else who reminds him of a daughter, and vice versa. But let's just say he's not a father to her like many of you claim and more like, say a modern-day babysitter. Isn't it still bizarre to you that a young girl could fall in love with the man who looked after her and cared for her at that age, maybe even played games with? One day or on multiple occasions he even sees her naked because she had an accident and got hurt so she needed help changing or something. I admit it's more realistic that it was Jaken if anyone who'd be in charge of this, but why does it really matter who was tasked with what? Sesshomaru may have not been around all the time but that doesn't mean he's any less involved or invested in Rin's general care and well-being. So it's that thought alone that keeps many of us from even contemplating a romance forming between them. Whether he hardly interacted with her over the years or not is irrelevant, because it's clear to me that they have both formed a strong enough bond that constitutes calling them family. I highly doubt he ever even planned to keep Rin in his company as long as he did. But it happened, and whether you want to admit it or not, meeting her changed his life. Meaning Rin was never just some girl he traveled with or hardly knew. Despite his feigned indifference and stoic ways at times, I'm pretty sure we can all agree that Rin grew on him and was the first person to really influence him in a way that helped soften and open up that heart of his in a way nobody ever had before. One's significance to any given person isn't solely measured by the quantity of time spent alongside that person but by the quality of how that time was spent with said person. It's safe to say that in the case of Sesshomaru and Rin, they definitely fall under that category. 

2. Fair if you don't view Sesshomaru as Rin's father, but you must acknowledge that he did fill some father figure-like role to her at the very least. Or let's just call him her vassal if you think that's a more accurate description. Also, can I just quickly stress again that it doesn't matter how long she spent by his side or whether she spent more time in the village or not, because he still ended up playing a major part in her childhood as an adult male role model. Regardless of the title you give him, it still stands that although he may not be her official adoptive father, he is LIKE A FATHER. There really is no point in denying that, because their dynamic exudes one of a father-daughter. I guarantee you that any outsider looking in would agree that if not her father then at the very least he embodies a male relative of some kind. Honestly, the details of their relationship dynamic specific to this show (regional/period differences, human vs. demon culture, etc.), don't really matter here. Why? Because one can assume that the general consensus here is that a large percentage of fans perceive their connection as a familial one. Yes, most would unanimously agree that Rin and Sesshomaru, along with Jaken and Ah-Un, are a FAMILY. 

If she had first met him as an adult, then we'd possibly have a very different story here. The point of the matter is that he didn't, so that should be where this discussion ends. Unfortunately, for many, it's not. The bottom line is that a child he knew and cared for should never be someone he begins to view in a romantic light. I don't care how many years have passed (or that to demons years are like days or some less inconsequential length of time), and how much she's matured or how specific marriage customs were back then (if they're no longer appropriate now then why are we still condoning these backward practices?). Rin should NEVER have the desire to be sexually attracted to this father figure she's always looked to and trusted to protect her. Maybe it's vastly different from a demon's perspective (even though still unjustifiable in my opinion), but as a human, Rin's feelings towards Sesshomaru wouldn't and shouldn't suddenly change towards him and in such a drastic manner mind you. Yeah, maybe she used to have an innocent crush on him, but I'd like to think our smart and compassionate little Rin would learn that was simply because she was a child who didn't know any better. Besides, growing up with Kaede and around other humans I'd like to think she fell in love with another human sometime over the course of all those years. It only makes sense, right? Don't you think that's part of why Sesshomaru left her there in the first place? He wished for her to experience what it was like to live a normal human life, falling in love and marriage both being a key part of that. If I were Sesshomaru, I'd be deeply troubled if I started to develop feelings for a little girl I once protected and kept in my company for quite an extended period of time, which was at least a year from what I understand. (Pls correct me if I'm wrong because I gather it may have been longer.) 

3. Apparently in the manga and the Final Act, we see Sesshomaru still visits the village to check on Rin from time to time. He even brings her gifts, such as beautiful and luxurious kimonos. I recently learned from another Tumblr post that kimonos are what older men gift in order to sort of earn their favor with these young ladies, AKA they're wooing them. If that is indeed true, then that would mean he's basically grooming her and has been for however long she's lived there in the village but potentially even longer. To put it nicely, he's courting her. If this was another young lady (maybe not an adult perhaps but still of marrying age) who he DIDN'T assist in raising, then I could possibly get on board with this.

The thing is, it's far from that with them two if you consider everything they've gone through and endured together! Because he not only met her as a young girl but he got to know her first as a young girl, and she became one of his traveling companions all while she was only a young girl!!! Their bond will always be defined by that time when she was just a young girl, and nothing can or should change that he will always see her in that same light. Kinda like how our parents or other family members from older generations tell us that they'll always see us as their babies. So the fact that her time spent with Sesshomaru is constantly compared to her time spent in the village shouldn't apply here. Don't we all know this already? That we can can come across someone in our lifetime and maybe the time with them is short-lived, but that doesn't make it any less significant or those people any less special. Sesshomaru made an impact on her as much as she did on him, that much we know is true. Sure, it was years ago, but that's not something you ever forget. Sometimes when you look at loved ones you haven't seen in a while, there are just certain memories you have of them from over the years that will come rushing back to you without fail and that you will always cherish no matter what. I'd like to believe that when Rin looks at Sesshomaru and he looks at her, that they can both look back fondly on their times traveling together. This explains why I'm really struggling here to picture how anyone could sleep with someone they used to treat as their guardian/father/ward/daughter/what have you. So someday and somehow, this person just stops viewing them that way, is that it? I mean, how does this work exactly? It's not like you can just flip off a switch and forget everything from your past with this person, ya know? Unless you have your memory wiped, what I'm understanding is that S*ssrin shippers approve of the idea of these two characters KNOWING that they are or used to be like practically FAMILY to each other, yet agree that these two characters in question still have the capacity not to mention desire to pursue HAVING SEX with each other anyway. Do I got that all right? Did I miss anything?  

Originally I provided two examples of fan art I found to help put what I'm trying to say here into better perspective, but since they've been removed, just type in "Sesshomaru and Rin" on Google and you'll find plenty of examples of what I'm talking about here- and no, it's not S*ssrin images. I realize Sesshomaru has never been the touchy-feely sorta guy like it's depicted in some of the fan art, but that doesn't necessarily diminish the affection he feels and attachment he has towards Rin. He just has a different way of expressing his love is all, even if he doesn't outwardly show it. The real question here is, can you really look at sweet pictures of an adult comforting a child who's been under his care for a significant amount of time and then suddenly be like, "oh man, I can't wait till they bang!" I'm sorry, to each their own, but you gotta admit why we must find that creepy. 

4. Regarding Inuyasha and Kagome's relationship, we need to remember that he didn't age after all those years stuck to that tree. And besides, demons age differently so this is a pretty unfair comparison. This isn't the best example, but think about how a cat's lifespan works. 10 years in (indoor) cat years is like 56 in human years. So technically in demon years, Inuyasha is physically and emotionally compatible with a human around Kagome's age. Hell, even though he's over a hundred years older, Kagome is still a whole lot more mature than he probably ever will be! 😂 (Psst! We still love you, Inuyasha! 💋)

Now as for Koga and Ayame, this also isn't comparable to Sesshomaru and Rin. Koga met Ayame one night, only not to see her ever again until she was older and of age. After rescuing her on that night when she was only a girl, he gives her a piggyback ride and you can tell he just wants to cheer her up when he mentions her being his wife someday. (And boy, did that work wonders on Ayame!) Then they gaze at this stunning lunar rainbow together, which I think is quite rare judging by looks of it. This is not an attempt to defend this proposal- if we can even really call it that- but all I'm saying is that I don't think even Koga knows what overcame him in that moment. Fast forward to present-day when they cross paths again, and Ayame still remembers his so-called promise, but guess who doesn't right away? Yep, our man Koga! It takes a quite a while for it to come back to him, too. This further proves my point that something beyond Koga and his power possessed him to say all those things to a little Ayame for some reason. Maybe you can call it destiny, or maybe it was some special kind of magic caused by the lunar rainbow, Idk! All I know is that they do end up together in the Final Act and that it wasn't until they met as two consenting wolf-demons that they really grew to know each other and coincidentally- or maybe not so coincidentally- fall in love.

 5. From what I understand, it appears these drama CDs are some kind of satire which doesn't equate to canon. Perhaps Rumiko did not debunk them but she also didn't confirm they're true either. I'm hearing conflicting reports, however, and her involvement in them is questionable. Like her name is supposedly on the cover or something? But then I've also heard that she has spoken out against this ship. From the sounds of it, there is enough evidence- or lack thereof rather- to conclude that fans cannot use this as proof enough for their ship already being or soon-to-be canon. 

Finally, I'd like to end on this note where I'll be addressing ethics in entertainment. When it comes to our choice of entertainment, there's always a level of escapism implied, sometimes so much that we project ourselves onto certain characters. Delving into a fantasy world like that of Inuyasha can really help some people better cope with real life problems, but it's all about striking the right balance, as each individual has different wants and needs. The thing is there's only so much escapism one can allow in a fictional world before basic morals from our own world begin to take precedence. I can always enjoy some good fantasy, but it's not long until I start to reflect on how I personally relate what entertainment I'm currently absorbed in to real life. It's inevitable really. For example, if certain relationships portrayed on screen conflict with strong opinions I've adopted on a sensitive topic, especially those that take children into account, then I feel it's my responsibility to speak out against any media that even remotely promotes it. Yes, even if it's just fiction. Because art imitates life, right? (And yes, sometimes the other way around.) So in other words, our stories should mirror our way of life to some degree. History has seen its fair share of ugly events and traditions we are surely ashamed of but that we've hopefully learned our lessons from. Most societies nowadays seriously frown upon or condemn stuff like pedophilia, child grooming, or anything of the sort. Of course it doesn't help that we see still see these kinds of issues glossed over so much that we've become desensitized to them in many respects.

The thing is we cannot allow this way too common older-man-dotes-on-young-girl trope (or anything resembling it) to continue to be glorified or romanticized. It matters not that feudal Japan was a drastically different time to be alive and that this was the norm back then, or even that this remains a popular ship in Japan. All it comes down to is if whether we would currently tolerate such acts and behaviors were we to witness them in real life. If your answer is 'no', then it should be 'no' in every respect. If you deem it acceptable just because it's fiction, then I'm sorry to say, but you're going to have to answer to a lot of people. No surprise there, that goes for all fandoms. I guarantee you it's not just the people who personally identify as victims who have serious qualms with this ship either, because you don't necessarily need to have bad experiences of your own in order sympathize and see where a lot of these people are coming from. And no, just because I'm unhappy with the possibility of S*ssrin going canon does not mean I'm whining or that I'm attempting to spread negativity about this series before it's even out. Remember, fans have the right to be critical of whatever content it is they're watching/reading, and if they demand something in the storytelling be represented better, then of course they can challenge that. After all, none of us should feel like "canceling" the content we love is our only hope to fixing a story. That's not how it ever should be. Fans are fed up, and can you really blame them? Nah, we can strive to do better in this area, plus it's not like there isn't always room for improvement. So let's please be more vigilant about how the content we consume translates to reality, in addition to being mindful of how it can directly correlate to real life problems for ourselves as well as others around us.  

That's a wrap, y'all!! I hope you enjoyed what I had to offer on this topic, and here's hoping I actually contributed something new to this conversation! I'm aware that that's unlikely the case for us fans who've been living in this tag the past couple days (like me lol), but I'd like to believe I put my own spin on it and it was still worth your while. 😉 

P.S. Overall, I remain optimistic about the new show! So are there any friendly Inuyasha group chats on Tumblr I can join? If so, please do invite me! I need to obsess about this sequel even more than I already am, EEEK!!!

[thesearchforspirk]

I think what I’m trying to get at through these posts and my naturally long, tangential wording, is that when one is creating art, one really only has so much control. 

I’m talking about when you’re creating anything; painting a picture, writing a book, making a show/film, etc. There’s a story that wants to be told here, and it may not always end up being the story one originally had in their head. 

It gets even more complicated when it comes to entertainment, as the process of making a show or a film involves a lot of different folks putting their fingers in the same pie (for lack of a better wording, oy...). The creator has one idea, the script writer has another, the director has one of their own, the actors have theirs, the producers have some too and so on and so on and so forth. 

There’s also something very cool and magical that happens when actors are finally filming/performing a scene, and I’m speaking as someone who both acts and directs. The actors assume their characters, then the chemistry comes forth in whatever shape or form it will take between the people at hand. This isn’t something that the writers, directors, producers or even actors can entirely anticipate.  

Small example; I acted in a music video awhile back in which I was just one of the background dancers/extras in a group of about 30 other actors. We went into the project with certain expectations of what to do from the director, but as he was thankfully a very ‘go with the flow’ type, that vision began to change as we all got to know each other and the chemistry came forth. The musician and I ended up getting a long well, for instance, so we ended up having more scenes singing at/reacting to each other than what was originally planned because the chemistry was natural and translated well to the end product. In fact, A LOT changed from the original blueprint of that video to the end product, based entirely on how the group ended up interacting with each other in-character.  

What I’m trying to say is, it’s a fallacy to say that just because you worked on a thing and had a certain idea/interpretation of the script that your opinion is the last and final word on the project as a whole. Art is more dynamic, more nuanced than one person’s opinion, whether they contributed to the piece directly or not. Even if Shatner claimed that there was definitively no romantic subtext between Kirk and Spock doesn’t mean there wasn’t, that his chemistry with Nimoy in-character didn’t translate to something that ended up looking a whole lot like romantic love in the final product. 

James Kirk is a full-fledged character with his own biases, values, thoughts, feelings, etc, a whole ass person an actor puts on like a costume and brings to life. Jim says and does what Jim would say and do when he is in the driver’s seat. 50+ years later, Shatner says what he thinks is right, but that’s not necessarily an accurate reflection of the character he brought forth (again) 50+ years ago.  

Hopefully that all makes sense, as this is just an aimless ramble of off-the-cuff thinky thoughts, but I’m hoping to eventually edit these thoughts into a more streamlined dialogue about subtext, chemistry, and the changes a story goes through in the production process (and, of course, how that relates to early queer representation in media). 

[joh-gaming]

Why is this affecting me so much?

This is probably going to be an incredibly long post, one that I don’t expect many would read but that I feel I have to write. If not for Epic to read it at some point, then for myself, to remember this and why this game was so important.

I will have a lot of personal opinions, unfair comparisons and highly critical comments in those comparisons that may or may not be accurate. There will also be speculation as there’s more going on than what they’ve been willing to say.

If you care, then please, click on Keep Reading to continue.

How did I learn about it?

Honestly, I have no idea and that’s an issue that lead to its current situation. This is what I remember hearing back then. Paragon is a new game by Epic Games, creators of the Gears of War series (which I’m not really a fan of) and the Unreal Engine (which has always fascinated me) It was going to be a MOBA (which I hate, don’t like any MOBAs except Paragon but I’m getting ahead of myself here)

Clearly the above isn’t enough to get me to try it, on the contrary. So what was it, I must have seen something that made me think, this is worth a try. As great as that announce trailer was, none of the heroes in it speak to me, not even Sparrow whom ended up as my first mastered character and the one I own the most skins for. It wasn’t a gameranx before you buy thing which to this day I haven’t seen nor plan to, nor Angry Joe’s first look which again, I have no interest in watching. I’m not being critical of those channels, it’s just that I already experienced the game, most if not all of its iterations, so I really don’t care what they had to say about it.

Well... funny enough it was Overwatch the reason I gave Paragon a try. While Paragon is relatively older than Overwatch, it was in closed beta for the first few months. After trying, and falling in love with Overwatch’s beta, I felt the need to fill that void but with another, hopefully similar game. Then I saw the announcement of Paragon’s own free open beta weekend

I don’t remember if I took part on it or not, the next thing I wrote of Paragon after that was Digital Foundry’s graphic comparison of the game on PC and PS4 vanilla (at the time, the only PS4 there was) praising how a console game let you use mouse and keyboard.

Now, going back to Overwatch for a second, there are a few things you should know. 1. I have a friend that is part of the Overwatch team 2. I bought the game myself, no free keys and it was the PS4 version 3. I didn’t have enough money to buy it at launch, I ended up buying it late June or mid July, can’t remember and it’s not THAT important right now. 4. I tend to prefer cartoon like graphics as they are pretty much timeless

With that being said, this was my first impressions on Paragon, having tasted Overwatch.

“I feel really bad for the artists working on Paragon. Clearly a lot of effort was put into the design and modeling of the characters but good God they're so damn boring. The maps are also bleh with a palette that doesn't help things at all. Animations feel like over a decade old with awkward jump and run. I will be surprised if this game is actually successful 'cause it's a MOBA and what's the most important part of a MOBA? The damn heroes.“

I’ve been wrong before, but this is probably the top one. The map in question is what we now call Legacy. After spending a long time in super colorful maps in Overwatch, I found myself in this semi realistic map with ruins and a jungle that looked old and boring. Movement was too slow and I’m not sure what I was talking about with the animations, maybe they were bugged at the time ‘cause Paragon’s animations are impressive. Some of the best work in gaming.

Needless to say, I had a rocky start with Paragon, mostly because I didn’t understand it. I don’t know how long I tried it before I deleted it but that’s what I ended up doing. I got frustrated and instead of doing research I just quit.

So, going back to Overwatch for another second, how long was my honeymoon after I bought it? It lasted for about a month, after that I started seeing all the issues the game had and has (most of them are still there) especially on consoles. Broken heroes, Play of the game that encourages nonsense, the “scoreboard” that highlights the wrong things, lack of content, lack of heroes, easily exploitable on certain maps, etc. So I guess, thanks to Overwatch, not only did I dare to try Paragon, but fell in love with it. (btw, I did check, bought Overwatch mid June and by mid July I was sick of it, only made worse in August trying to get the limited time skins I wanted) And that’s not even talking about how Overwatch popularized Loot Boxes (yes, they have existed for a long long time, they just made it seem OK in a full priced game, ‘cause it was $60 on console)

Now, I couldn’t find this anywhere but I remember I returned to Paragon when Lt. Belica was announced. Gave it another go but again, failed to understand the character and gameplay. I will get more into the true problem for new people later on, but for now let’s go with why did I delete the game a second time. Well, it wasn’t out of frustration this time, rather than HDD space on my PS4. At the time it didn’t support external HDD. When did I return in a more permanent manner? When Countess came out.

She became my main for a while, which is funny ‘cause part of her kit was taken from the hero that would completely grab me forever. I started understanding the design decisions of the characters and the graphics, I got past the part where they wouldn’t last a few years, I was wrong about that too. I think they found the right balance between realistic and somewhat cartoonish to make the graphics last. That and they weren’t shy on retouching characters later on.

On November 2016 I said this

“Now I have a better understanding of the game, mind you that if I were to read about it I MAY learn it faster, but I prefer to learn from my own mistakes rather than trying to play like someone else that is probably more skilled. I can accomplish a similar standard just playing with things that work for me rather than what is "optimal". Or that word that gets on my nerves, the META. Fucking meta...” 

Funny, I still agree on that.

Paragon growing on me

I’m going to quote myself again, but I’m going to edit said quote for context purposes, not trying to say something different than I said before. For instance, the post was made with a video that I won’t include here, so anything mentioning the video is out of context.

“The more I play Paragon, the more I like it, but at the same time the more I notice its problems. Paragon currently has 24 heroes with a new one added every 3 weeks. Only has one map and one game mode, but it's free and high quality so no complaints here. However if you're like me, you tend to pick certain characters based mostly on looks not on play style. This is one of the biggest issues in Paragon and even Smite for that matter. The character design in Paragon is on point but at the same time it’s dull and boring.

You have your human characters, your robots and your beasts. They decided to go with a semi realistic look for the game instead of doing the cartoon like design from popular and unpopular  MOBAs. Which is fine I guess, you want to differentiate yourself, especially when now everyone that does it is instantly going with "an Overwatch look". On PS4 they had to lower the graphics quite a bit.

Paragon has a hero limit since launch and you can't switch heroes of course. The character selection process is completely random (I was the first to pick this time by pure luck) there are no rules for this other than what common courtesy SHOULD dictate. Personally, even if I get to pick first, let's say if the third player selects Countess before I do, I consider that a priority so I leave Countess open for him. You should learn how to play at least 4 characters. Game actually wants you to learn five characters, that's why you get 5 deck slots by default.

I prefer to play Countess, but I'm better with Sparrow and already have experience with Belica. That being said, the whole mastery system induces people to rage quit when the character they wanted gets picked by someone else. It starts off fine, but eventually leveling up your character becomes a chore and a grind.”

This was still back in November 2016.

On December 2016, I had this to say about the game

“There were a few things keeping the game from being as good as it could be. One of them being the learning curve. This wasn't your go in spray and pray your way to victory while you press a button to get a highlight at the end of the match to feel great about your awesomeness. No, in Paragon you needed to learn a lot about the mechanics, you had to build your character from scratch, and you had to find a way to balance your build to be ready for what's to come. It was amazingly refreshing to be honest. Sure it took me some time to like it, mostly 'cause I still feel the graphics aren't what they should be and the characters, while having an interesting design, they lack a palette that makes them unique.”

“This past Tuesday, Epic Games decided to upload Monolith. Basically Paragon is now a whole different game. Taking into account player feedback, mostly for how slow the game was, they applied a lot of changes to the mechanics of the game. Some of the changes would have been enough in the Legacy map to make the game nearly perfect, but no. Monolith is a smaller map than Legacy, character speed is improved but then it creates other issues when you fight other heroes. Certain classes are now having a tougher time. You gain less card power, forcing you to stay on the map longer rather than going back to base to level up. That in theory would be great if you weren't so fucking weak for half of the game. So what are people doing to combat this? They basically have the same builds. Build for attack speed and power, then some life steal and you're good to go. It's boring now, it's more like a shooter. “

I ended up that paragraph with something I regret and therefore won’t repeat. Even if it didn’t happen... I didn’t uninstall the game and have no plans to do so. Not even after it’s gone (unless it keeps affecting my health, more on that later)

“The simplification of Paragon, as a whole, made it more accessible to regular players, you know your regular multiplayer bro. So it's kind of funny to see the rage quitters because the early game is so painfully slow (in terms of levels) and how easy it is to die when you don't understand how minions and towers work. They changed more things in Paragon than what Massive changed in The Division. Paragon is like a different game, one that doesn't require you to be as smart as before. You now stack attack and go play. That's why I'm a little disappointed with the update. Thankfully they are listening to the feedback so perhaps they can find a middle ground between this version and the previous one, because both have great ideas, they just need to remove the bad ones. A match in Paragon is still more fun than a match in Overwatch though.” 

2017, a roller coaster of emotions

Last year alone Paragon went through at least 3 big changes. Many think these changes lead to its current downfall but I don’t agree. In a community corner video (I may edit this if I find it again) they said (a bit arrogantly I may add) that Legacy won’t ever come back. Keep in mind that while at first I was one of those that felt betrayed by the changes Monolith brought to the game, I was still playing and having fun. Originally the thought was, “we don’t want to split the community” and at the time I agreed. But looking back I failed to see the same thing they missed, the community was already divided. Bringing Legacy as a mode, or a more strategic version while Monolith would be more fast paced wouldn’t be bad.

Look at Smite and Overwatch, both games that wouldn’t want to have a split community, now their games have plenty of modes. Keeps players in because if they tire of one thing they could test another ‘cause at the end of the day, it’s the heroes that will keep you coming back. So it wasn’t the changes, more like a pinch of arrogance and a lack of modes. The player retention they later complained about, was of two folds, lack of ranked mode and a poor tutorial.

What made Paragon different and special, besides the heroes I will come to love even more than those in other games, was the card system. You’ll find videos from ‘tubers that are now jumping to conclusions just to talk about the closure of a game they never even heard of. You’ll hear them say something about it being pay to win with buying cards and what not, which funny enough was true in 2016, nobody said anything about it then, but all of that was removed when they added the card crafting system so long ago that I don’t even remember when that was implemented.

Building a deck was crucial to success in Paragon, just as much as understanding minions, towers, your role, buffs, rotations and kills. For most of the 2 years, the jungle was crucial too, that was changed in one of the latest patches. Some say for the worse, I’m not too sure it was. If it was simplification they were after, then the current jungle makes the jungler job easier to understand. Farm, get some levels and skills, then go help the lanes. True that had it been a mode in Monolith with Legacy being the more strategic match, it would have been better received, or at least that’s my perception.

People don’t like to feel dumb, even less to realize they actually are. If what I’m writing here makes me sound dumb, then perhaps I am, but it doesn’t matter as this post has nothing but my sincerest thoughts on the matter, even if I’m trashing Overwatch along the way. I think Paragon was a great game, unique in a sea of MOBAs, that people just failed to understand and that the developers didn’t support correctly.

Was Fortnite the issue?

Epic Games is often accused of doing popular things then scrapping them, fad chasers is what they call them. Paragon started when MOBAs were a big thing, just like Fortnite started when Minecraft was a thing. Sure at the time you had Cliffy B on board so he wanted a gritty and scary thing in Fortnite. Fortnite was one of those games that went through development hell, a game that if not by PUBG catching fire (see what I did there) and they being able to rip it off, it would have crashed and burned by now. Fortnite was sold as an Early Access game

I clearly bought into Fortnite’s Early Access, hence the screenshot of the banner unlocked. What made me buy Fortnite when I knew it wasn’t done? If there’s one thing I learned from playing Paragon, is that Epic will change everything trying to find the best system for the gameplay. I wanted to be a part of that too, I wanted to see the game change and grow (keep that expression in mind) over time. I also wanted to thank Epic for Paragon, so I thought this would be the best way to do so.

I was aware of Fortnite before I knew anything about Paragon, I mean like I said, it’s one of those games that went through development hell. I was watching one of their livestreams when they were giving away keys to almost everyone, they didn’t give me one (at the time it was a PC only game) so I never got the chance to try it myself. Over time I stopped paying attention to it as I never got a key, nor even acknowledgement that I wrote them asking for one. Why was I interested in Fortnite? Well, obviously the cartoon graphics as I mentioned before, then there’s the whole building thing which I enjoy a lot (main reason why I like Fallout 4) and Orcs Must Die 2 is one of my favorite Tower Defense games. (Keep that game in mind too)

If I had known that everything they said about working on developing what is now a mode (Save the World) was a lie, I would never have wasted money on Fortnite. The game is as incomplete now as it was on launch. Sure they have had events but almost every resource is going into the Battle Royale mode. Again proving that they are indeed fad chasers. If you feel like I’m wrong here, that it was a logical business decision and that justifies whatever you’ve spent on Fortnite, then fine, that’s what you think. But personally, I can’t recommend anyone to spend money on ANY Epic Games game from now on. This will sound like Blackmail and maybe it sort of is, but I do mean this, if Paragon is completely closed (as in I can’t play it in any way, shape or form) to me, I don’t see myself giving EG money again in the future. I don’t just say things like that and change my mind when it’s convenient, I haven’t bought an EA game since they burned me with SimCity 2013.

The Heroes of Paragon

Paragon has a bunch of great heroes, my favorite hero would come out in May 2017. That would be Phase. I’d say it was love at first sight but it wasn’t, it was love at first try. Before Phase there was Aurora, a controlled type character that had the looks and mobility, not to mention damage output. I often play range roles or control types, while Aurora was melee, I felt she has more mobility than Countess plus her control abilities were great to set up team attacks. I never thought a support would be far more interesting to me.

Phase’s kit was amazing, actually it was too good to the point where she broke the game for some people. One thing is a good support, another is a support good at everything. Good at healing, dealing damage and controlling the enemy. She got nerfed a couple of times, with her healing being affected the most, she’s still my main. For whatever reason, Phase felt like a part of the Phantom Thieves in Persona 5. Granted that after reading her lore I completely understand why that was the case, but the fact that I thought about it without reading it says a lot about the work put into the character itself

There are so many nuances in her animations, even her new launch pad animation. While not as involved or defining as most of the characters’, it still feels like a Phase launch. Her relationship with Shinbi was explored later, it was interesting but it didn’t change what I thought the character was like. She is the character I’ll miss the most, but don’t think she’s the only character I like a lot.

1. Countess 2. Aurora 3. Lt. Belica 4. Sparrow 5. Dekker 6. Serath 7. Morigesh 8. Zinx 9. Drongo 10. Wraith 11. Yin 12. Gadget 13. Muriel 14. Twinblast 15. Murdock 16. Shinbi

I will miss all of them. There are a few I haven’t even tried.

The greatest game I couldn’t play

From September 19, 2017 to January 9 2018, I didn’t have internet access. Hurricane Maria had destroyed our infrastructure leaving many of us in a terrible situation. Originally I was OK, I was prepared for around 2 months of no power, let alone net access. My house held fine (or so it did at first) and my family was OK. Then it started, the following days it started raining what felt like non stop and the damage Maria did, was now evident. Water was pouring in, my things were getting damaged, first I lost my bed, then my desk, well to cut to the point, I pretty much lost my house. I don’t have the money to fix it and with the situation my country is in, I don’t think it’s even worth it.

All I kept thinking about was, man I wish I could play Paragon again. Sounds silly but everyone has something that helps them disconnect from whatever terrible reality they are in. For nearly 4 months that’s all I wanted to do. Late October I moved to my brother’s house, it had power, water would come later but at least it had power. I started playing some games to avoid thinking of what I lost and had yet to lose, as I couldn’t save everything important. Nothing clicked, all I wanted was to play Paragon. I would watch my captures of my game time, over and over and the “music video” I did of my first coop match playing her

I missed the October event, I wanted that mummy Yin skin. I almost missed the winter event skins, got net back right when they extended the event 1 more week, so I was able to buy Morigesh and Aurora’s skins. Those weren’t the last skins I bought, no. The last skin I bought was the Panda skin for Phase. The day before they announced that Paragon would close.

So you see, the answer to my first question, why is this affecting me so much? well, after losing my house and some of my things, the game I wanted to play the most is going away too. It breaks my heart, I saw Paragon from almost every stage in development, highs and lows I loved playing it, I still do. There are terrible games that somehow are still up (Day Z comes to mind) yet this amazing game that is making so many people cry, it’s going away. Or is it?

Were we lied to?

It all points to yes, something happened that they can’t talk about. In their open letter they said

Here inside Epic, we’re talking about the future of Paragon in pretty much the same terms as you’re talking about it. The core challenge is that, of new players who try Paragon, only a small number continue to play regularly after a month. Though Paragon has evolved, no iteration has yet achieved that magical combination of ingredients that make for a sustainable game. (As an aside, the problem isn’t marketing or how to make money with Paragon. We have good ideas that would solve those problems if we can find a way to make Paragon grow.) 

So, if the problem wasn’t marketing (which btw it was, it wasn’t even promoted 1/5 of what Fortnite has been) nor making money with it, the problem was making it worth the effort. At least that’s my opinion. Fortnite success came over night, so it was an easy decision to ditch their less popular game even though it is their superior product. But is that even the case here? While Paragon is going to close for us, in China it started its closed beta

What the flying fuck is going on here?

It’s hard not to feel betrayed, it’s hard not to wish Epic Games failure (I try not to) but nothing is harder than seeing a great game close, with some relatively true explanation but no real logic behind it. Closing Paragon, even if it was to make development on Fortnite easier, is a mistake. Leave it in life support until you can come up with better ideas for it. The rank mode they were working on was never implemented in Paragon, instead it was moved to Fortnite. So don’t tell me you did everything for the game, it died because you didn’t support it Epic. It died because you killed it not because we left, I never left. As the final months are quickly going by, and I try to enjoy my final moments with it, in an analogy I rather not say, I feel myself getting sick. I get this massive headaches now, Paragon may have nothing to do with it but coincidentally, they come after playing a few matches. It hurts to know it’ll be gone and that I won’t be Phase anymore.

On the other side, I hope Epic Games have realized that Fortnite is more of a platform than a game. Quickly being able to transform itself from tower defense building game to a battle royale with building elements. I mentioned Orc Must Die series, well their latest game was one of the many MOBA attempts that kind of failed. They had to add the classic gameplay that made them popular in order to keep their fans, because they were bleeding players like crazy. Now, the current version has plenty of modes, kept the MOBA, (EDIT: They removed the MOBA mode) added the classic and created a few more. Fortnite can be Paragonized if they wanted to, they could even add some of the Paragon characters to Fortnite, I would gladly pay for Phase.

Soldier Class

1. Belica 2. Murdock

Constructor Class

1. Terra 2. Greystone

Outlander Class

1. Phase 2. Twinblast

Ninja Class

1. Shinbi 2. Kwang

And clearly, I’m not the only one that thinks that’s doable. naastika.deviantart.com

Final thoughts

I may be angry and disappointed, and I do mean it, that if I can’t play Paragon or Phase (mostly Phase) any more, that I truly won’t support any more Epic Games games, but I do appreciate the rare opportunity to play such an amazing game. I’m too old to like video games for the gamey aspects of it, I prefer the media side of it, the opportunities it offers as a story telling device that surpasses books and movies. I started my gaming on the Atari 2600, I’m done with jumping around for hours or shooting for no reason. It is extremely rare for me to get attached to a game with no narrative, and the fact that Paragon pulled this off, speaks to the talent working on the game.

Thank you for Paragon, and fuck you if you do close it.

[drealyn22]

No Roads Where We’re Going

Chapter 9 Author’s Notes

Because of the length of Chapter 9, I’ve moved a lot of my author’s notes to Tumblr. 

The notes included with Chapter 9 on Fanfiction.net are an abbreviated version. The full version is below.

Also - I am changing the rating on "No Roads Where We’re Going” from T to M for language and violence. That means if you're used to finding it in a default search, you will now have to adjust the search filter to include M ratings.

SPOILERS AHEAD! (Duh.)

Additional Author’s Notes

“What in the heck was this author thinking?”

I have to admit, I bit off more than I could chew with this chapter. There are a lot of personal interactions here, some of them very emotional, and that’s always challenging to write. I had to take a few steps back on multiple occasions. There were times when I just needed to not look at it for a while so I could come back with fresh eyes. Hopefully readers enjoyed this chapter, and all of my effort wasn’t in vain.

I consistently underestimate how many words it will take to describe certain scenes in any meaningful detail, or I get overly descriptive and then I have to decide which details to cut. Typically it’s a back-and-forth game throughout the development of the chapter. Funny thing is, I have big chunks of future chapters already written. You’d think that would make it easier to start a new chapter… just plug in the chunks and fill in the gaps, right? As it turns out… no, it just doesn’t work that way. It does help, but it doesn’t make writing the connective tissue any easier. This will probably get worse as the story progresses because the complexity is increasing. Looking ahead, I can see a few chapters in particular that will be a big challenge.

After all was said and done, this chapter clocked in at around 14,800 words, not including author’s notes. Ridiculous, right?

Could I have split this into two chapters? Yes and no. “No Roads Where We’re Going” is laid out with a particular structure and timeline. Splitting this chapter in two would have blown that. This chapter was always intended to be three parts - 1.) Fuu training and finding her way with Jin, 2.) The conflict between Fuu and Mugen that forces him to examine his own motives, and 3.) Fuu training with Jin, with Mugen slowly becoming involved and eventually supporting Fuu. That’s where this chapter’s title, “Converge,” comes from.

Starting in Chapter 8, “Dissonance,” the three characters’ points of view start to diverge and become discordant, then they slowly converge back to a single point where everyone agrees and understands the importance of what they’re doing. They go through conflict and they find resolution.

For this to happen, all three of them have to understand that they need each other. 

Developing an emotional bond with someone comes with personal risk. It requires self-sacrifice. We all try to support the people around us in the way we think is best, but that doesn’t necessarily align with what someone actually needs. You have to learn how to support someone selflessly, in the way they need to be supported, even if that puts you in a vulnerable position. That means you have to trust someone else with your vulnerability, and that person has to be responsible with it so your trust isn’t broken. It requires effort and participation, and equal amounts of give and take.

Trust doesn’t come easily, especially if you’ve been burned before. It can be a source of fear and anxiety, and even anger. Relationships fall apart because of this. Not just romantic relationships, but platonic and familial relationships as well. Sometimes it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle, and it can easily become destructive if both partners aren’t willing to support each other fully.

Mugen, Jin, and Fuu need to learn this lesson.

For Jin and Fuu, this happens right at the start of Chapter 9. They made a clear agreement at the end of the last chapter, and now they’re both holding up their end of the bargain. 

Jin has to trust Fuu to put her whole self into training so he can be assured that what he’s teaching her will make her safe and not reckless. She has to trust him to guide her down the right path, even if it what he asks her to do is scary for her, and even if she has to spend most of her day taking a professional beating. That was their agreement. “You show me that you’re dedicated, and I will dedicate myself in return.” They are constantly reassuring one another by showing mutual trust, love, and respect. At the end of the day, they’re still friends, and Jin is still Fuu’s Onii-chan (big brother).

Mugen and Jin trust each other more now than they did before. They each recognize that they want basically the same thing: for Fuu to be protected, and hopefully happy. They converge on this, even though their ideas about how to achieve it are different. 

The agreement they make is one of sacrifice. “Fuu is the priority, even if you have to leave me behind to get her to safety.” There’s also a mutual emotion that remains unspoken. “If I see you go down, it’s going to hurt me, and it’s going to be difficult to leave you behind, because you’re my friend. But I’ll do it because you asked me to.” 

Through all of this, they’re finding out that they know each other really well. Emotional shit makes them both uncomfortable in general, but they’re open enough with each other to talk about it anyway. They care about each other, and they both know that when it counts, they’ll have each other’s backs. They’re still awkward when they have that little bonding moment, but what can you expect? It’s Mugen and Jin.

Fuu and Mugen are a different story. Both Fuu and Mugen have clear expectations in their relationships with Jin, but with each other, nothing is clear - although it’s getting there, little by little. 

Mugen has serious trust issues. For the most part, Fuu doesn’t. She keeps trying to trust Mugen, but he keeps confusing her, mainly because he’s confused himself. 

He knows without a doubt that he loves Fuu, but he still doesn’t know what to do with that. He’s freaked out by the fact that he needs her, and he’s scared of his own vulnerability. Those are two things he’s spent his entire life avoiding like the plague. He has to learn to trust Fuu with his vulnerability, and he also has to trust her like Jin does, to know that she can handle herself and that she’ll be okay in the long run. He also has to learn to trust himself and embrace his new emotions. He can’t get away with compartmentalizing anymore. 

After Jin sets him straight, and Fuu kicks his ass, he knows he was wrong. When he sits down with Fuu at the end of the chapter and apologizes to her, he’s finally putting his trust in her, and he’s letting her know that she can put her faith in him.

In the end, all three of them have reached a point of understanding, and they’ve all become closer. They’re even physically closer, sitting and resting peacefully together for the first time in quite a while.

Japanese words used in this chapter

You can find definitions of these words on my Tumblr (username Drealyn22) in a post called "No Roads Where We're Going Glossary." It’s even got pictures!

Dojo, engawa, gakusei, geta, gi, hakama, kata, katana, kimono, obi, Onii-chan, ronin, samurai, sensei, tachi, tanto, wakizashi, yumi

Onii-chan (お兄ちゃん): Older brother, or big brother.

Ichi, ni, san, shi (一, 二, 三, 四): One, two, three, four.

Before anyone gripes at me for using Japanese numbers, consider this: in martial arts dojos all over the world, students are taught to count their exercises in Japanese. The fact that you can walk into a dojo in the U.S. and hear Japanese being used was justification enough for me to use it here.

Martial Arts

I looked at tantojutsu, aikido, bujutsu, kendo, and some modern self-defense techniques for women. There are some great videos on YouTube, and I’ve posted a few of them on Tumblr.

I wanted the details of Fuu’s training to be at least somewhat grounded in reality even if it’s not completely accurate.

The most unrealistic part of this is that Fuu is learning so much so fast. No dojo master would ever inundate a brand new student with so many advanced techniques. Fuu is definitely getting a crash course. If Jin were teaching her in a structured setting alongside other students, I don’t think he would condone this at all. But they’re not in a structured setting - they’re out on their own, living one day at a time. He knows they could be attacked at any time, and Fuu needs to be ready. 

It’s also extremely dangerous to use a tanto against a katana. You know that saying, “Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight?” Yeah… you don’t want to bring a knife to a sword fight either. But the tanto is Fuu’s only weapon. It’s not optimal, but she has to work with the resources that are presently available to her.

Jin and Fuu

The first thing he imparts is mental awareness and a sense of purpose. That means, know who you are, know why you’re doing this, and know the right way to do it.

Keep in mind, those first two things Jin discovered because of Fuu, during their journey to find the sunflower samurai. He’s taking the lessons he learned from her, and helping her to rediscover them in herself.

Fuu has always known who she is, but because of their demanding circumstances, she’s lost her way a little bit, and she’s definitely lacking purpose. So far, her only reason for being on this journey is basic survival. That’s not enough to live by, and Jin knows it from experience. He wants Fuu to identify her most important goals, and choose a path that will help her reach them so she’ll remain invested and determined to keep going.

Karyuudo

We see a different side of Karyuudo in this chapter.  He expresses some opinions about society and a person’s character, he remembers his father and wonders what he would think of him now, and he identifies with Fuu in a number of ways. He possesses emotions and a degree of empathy and sentimentality.

He has always paid close attention to behavior, thought processes, and relationships. He wants to get inside the heads of his prey. Now that they’re not going anywhere for a while, he has an opportunity to watch their interactions more closely.

Mugen’s Dream / Experiences of the Past

He followed Fuu for a while after they split up last time. There’s a little bit of a backstory there, but that will come up in a later chapter, so I won’t spoil it for you.

The question is, when he followed her and “protected” her, did he do it for Fuu, or did he do it for himself? His dream is revealing here. As much as he thinks he’s protecting Fuu, he’s also unloading his own rage, and in a way, trying to clear his guilty conscience. It was mostly selfish on his part, and in his dream, he knows it. If he really wanted Fuu to feel protected, he should’ve reached out to her. Instead, he tried to ease his own anxiety, and then he moved on.

This method of coping with his stress was only partially effective. After he leaves Fuu alone, years go by and he doesn’t feel any better. That’s why, back in Chapter 1, he ultimately ends up at Ikitsuki Island burning down the church, and why, when he sees Fuu for the first time in Chapter 2, he’s hard-wired to protect her, even from her own emotional torment, which he feels at least partially responsible for.

Fuugen: The Kiss

I touched on a few different running themes:

1.) Fuu’s growing empowerment. I’ve known for a long time now that Fuu would make the first move. She’s taking the initiative. In so many fics, when Mugen and Fuu kiss, it’s Fuu’s first time, Mugen takes the lead, and it’s this big discovery moment told almost entirely through Fuu’s perspective. I wanted to turn that on its head.

2.) Mugen’s emotional development. He’s desperate for Fuu to stay with him. In past chapters, he hasn’t been able to sleep if she’s not close by. Now he’s injured, he can’t walk, he’s stuck in this house, he’s having dreams about Fuu being in danger, and to top it off, he knows he hurt her feelings when he wouldn’t open up to her about his pain. He doesn’t want to be alone, and he’s afraid that she’s going to leave. If she does, he knows it’s his own fault. He’s more vulnerable than ever before, and it scares him. He doesn’t like feeling that way.

During the kiss, I wanted Mugen’s perspective to matter just as much as Fuu’s - maybe even more so. If Fuu is taking the lead, that puts Mugen on the receiving end, and I wanted the reader to get a glimpse of what that’s like for him. 

3.) Always moving forward. Unlike other fics, I’m not going to have Mugen draw comparisons between Fuu and the dozens of prostitutes he’s been with, and I’m not going to have Fuu be all innocent and awkward as if she has no clue what she’s doing. I make no claims as to whether this is Fuu’s first kiss or not. For me that’s irrelevant. Mugen and Fuu are two ordinary people falling in love. I want that to be the focus, not whatever experiences they’ve each had in the past.

I didn’t want to shortchange the build up. This is just my personal opinion, but when you kiss someone for the first time, new discoveries happen before the kiss does. These discoveries are shared between two people, and it happens whether you’ve kissed someone else in the past or not.

When your faces are close together, a new type of intimacy comes into being, and with it, a new sense of curiosity. You’re looking more closely than you’ve ever looked before, and you notice little details that you missed up until that moment. Even the things you thought you knew, or things that seemed ordinary before - they look a little different and a little more interesting when you’re up close. You want to see and touch, and experience.

That’s what I was going for in the moments leading up to the kiss.

Fuugen: The Fight

What goes up must come down.

Something I’ve learned multiple times in my life is that the people you love the most are the ones who can tear you down in the most devastating way. They know your weaknesses, and they know how to hit you where it really hurts. It feels horrible when the person you put on a pedestal decides to treat you like dirt.

Fuu can see that Mugen has feelings and motives that he’s not sharing, and she wants answers. Problem is, there are some answers Mugen doesn’t have, and others he’s too inept to communicate. Fuu doesn’t understand why he can’t just say what he feels and what he wants. (Spit it out already!) The only explanation she can come up with is that he’s afraid, and too stubborn to admit it. She’s right. He’s scared shitless and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

There’s a basis for this in the series. Mugen’s been alone since early childhood. Everyone he’s known has betrayed him in one way or another, and consequently, he doesn’t trust anyone. In his memories when he’s close to death, we see that he may have trusted Koza at some point in the past, but she and Mukuro betrayed him. The Roman Album says that he was betrayed over and over again. Sara points out that his anger and sadness stem from never being loved by anyone.

This helps to explain why Mugen is so afraid to let Fuu in, why he’s freaked out by the fact that he actually does need her, and why it hurts him so much when she walks away.

Fuu Takes It Too Far... But She’s Not Wrong

Fuu calling Mugen a murderer... yikes. “Over the line, Smokey!” (I’ll give a virtual high-five to anyone who knows that movie reference.)

I think that, as fans of the series and Fuugen lovers, we tend to forget just how evil Mugen really is... or was. In Misguided Miscreants, Mukuro tells us that Mugen has killed a lot of people, and we see in Mugen’s memories that his life was very violent and lonely. He was not a good guy. 

In the series, Mugen is generally pretty open and straightforward about who he is and what he’s all about, but he’s still guarded when it comes to his past. (Not too different from Jin in that respect.) He gets seriously angry when Mukuro brings up his past in front of Fuu and Jin. He doesn’t want his violent past to define him as a person, yet he always lives with the idea that it already has.

Fuu has the power to bring out Mugen’s lighter side. She sees the potential for him to be good. He has trouble seeing it in himself, but if she believes it, he’ll try to believe it too.

If Fuu stops seeing Mugen’s potential, and only sees the evil inside him, then that’s all he is, and all he can ever be. It’s the very same thought that already lingers in the back of his mind - the thought that he will forever be defined by what he was.

Later on, even though Fuu apologizes and says she didn’t mean it, Mugen admits that it’s true. Internally, he worries that if he told Fuu all the details, she might be afraid of him and she might not want him anymore.

Fuu still sees the good in him and she will still love him. She only cares about what kind of person he is right now, and what kind of person he’s trying to be in the future. Mugen actually takes a moment to appreciate this.

Jin the Security Blanket

Fuu latches onto Jin like a child, and he patiently lets her do it. All she has to do is call him her big brother, and he automatically falls into the role. He loves Fuu like a sister, and he enjoys caring for her. For the most part, he comforts her just by being Jin. He doesn’t have to do anything special. He has a nice soothing voice and a stabilizing presence, and he won’t pry by asking questions. That’s all Fuu needs.

I thought it would be funny if Jin’s favorite childhood stories were about history, something intellectual that can be analyzed, rather than fairy tales or other children’s stories. Even as a child, he was fascinated by military strategy and the concept of a worthy lord.

Another minor note about Jin’s story - Fuu asked him to tell her something about his family, and he went for a century-old history lesson instead of talking about his actual family. He could’ve talked about his parents, or siblings (if he had any), or other direct relatives. There are still some things he keeps locked away. 

He’s not alone.

Mugen and Jin’s Talk

Jin understands something Mugen doesn’t, and he goes so far as to talk about his emotional experience with Shino to get Mugen to realize it. 

Mugen is driven to protect what he loves, and his compulsion is so overwhelming that he’s not seeing or considering anything else. He’s so tangled up inside that he doesn’t realize what’s going on. He thinks he needs to protect Fuu, but a large part of his motivation is selfish. He already feels like he was negligent by allowing Fuu to get hurt on Ikitsuki Island. He feels shame for not helping her after that (the scene from his dream). He’s also having a crisis over the whole concept of being attached to Fuu. He’s never needed anyone before. There’s a lot at stake for him, but a lot of it is self-inflicted. 

Jin’s message to Mugen is, you’re in love, and love makes you vulnerable. You need to accept that, and acknowledge that it’s clouding your judgment. You’re not doing yourself any favors here. Learn to let go and trust the people around you. 

Jin knows this because of his love for Shino. It’s a big deal for him to talk about this. In general, Jin doesn’t talk about his emotions. The fact that he does it here is a testament to how much he cares for his friends. He’s willing to bring down one of his own walls in order to get Mugen to drop one of his.

Jin also knows it because of his love for Fuu. He dealt with that a little bit in the previous chapter. He doesn’t mention this to Mugen, but Mugen calls him out on it anyway. That’s the point when they really start to reach a shared understanding.

After that, they just keep getting more open with each other, talking about gooey feelings and other emotional shit that both of them normally avoid. It only lasts until their affections are focused on each other, for the tiny fraction of a second that it happens. 

Of course they missed each other. By this point in the story, we all know that, right? Fuu knows it. Mugen and Jin even know it, but they’ve never expressed it openly. Fortunately they’ve become close enough as friends that they don’t need words to express it - thank goodness, because that would be seriously awkward, and just plain weird (in their minds). They’re grown men, for shit’s sake. In their world, men shouldn’t get sentimental. That’s for women and pansies.

Mugen’s Participation & Apology

Jin tells Mugen that he believes Fuu is capable of learning to fight, but Mugen won’t believe it until he sees it for himself. He’s skeptical at first, but after watching her for a few days, he thinks maybe she’s competent enough that she might succeed if given a few pointers. But it’s not until Fuu kicks his ass that he really has to eat his own words.

When Mugen apologizes: some readers will see this as being seriously out of character. I see it as a point of growth. He knows he hurt Fuu, and he now sees that he was wrong. He also knows that Fuu wants to understand how he feels, and he let her down when he wasn’t able to express himself. He puts a great deal of effort into explaining why he didn’t want her to fight, and why he’s now changed his mind. All of this is a big step forward for him.

However, in his mind, he wants to say a lot more. He just can’t figure out how to articulate himself. He wants to tell her that he loves her. He really does, but it still scares him. The best he can do is show her he cares by holding onto her. It’s enough for now.

What Fuu Learned from Mugen and Jin

Both of the guys give Fuu some fighting advice. Mugen tells her to use her surroundings, improvise if necessary, and use the element of surprise. Jin won’t be expecting her to try something different, and that’s why it’s going to work.

Jin tells her to analyze what Mugen is doing, look for a weakness and exploit it. He also advocates for using Mugen’s injury against him, which is not very honorable, but it’s pragmatic. It’s in Fuu’s best interest to prove herself to Mugen, and if that’s how she has to do it, then so be it.

They both help to boost Fuu’s confidence. She’s learned a few new tricks, and she knows now that she has what it takes.

When Fuu Beats Jin

She says, “Suck on that, pretty boy!”

That line was inspired by the movie Mean Girls. I love Janis Ian.

Karyuudo and Kaibutsu

This is the first time Kaibutsu has spoken, and the first time he hasn’t been dressed in his red samurai armor. As it turns out, he’s actually quite talkative.

He’s acting sort of casual about this whole thing. It’s taking too long. He wants to get to the next phase of the mission so he can do his part. He even mouths off to Karyuudo a little bit, but when Karyuudo gives an order, he takes it without question.

So there’s a degree of familiarity between them, but Kaibutsu is definitely Karyuudo’s subordinate.

Karyuudo is more serious. Fuu reminds him of… someone or something. We never find out because Kaibutsu shuts him down, causing him to suppress the memory and any feelings attached to it. This is the second time in this chapter he’s displayed emotions.

Mugen and Jin’s Lack of Awareness of Karyuudo

One reviewer made a comment about it being strange that Mugen and Jin are unaware of Karyuudo’s presence in this chapter. I want to explain why - and I welcome any comments or suggestions on how I might improve this.

With Mugen being out of commission, Jin has taken on permanent guard duty. He’s been sitting outside every night, watching and listening. The same is true for his walks with Fuu to the hot spring. He knows that they’re probably not alone, but he hasn’t seen any obvious signs to prove it.  As the reader, you only get hints of Jin’s concern. Maybe that’s part of the problem. Perhaps I could’ve described this more explicitly so you’d know that Jin’s not completely oblivious to the potential danger. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

In previous chapters, they haven’t been able to detect Karyuudo’s presence unless he wants them to, so it’s not unusual that they can’t see him now.

Karyuudo doesn’t want to be seen. This is a chance for him to observe the trio in a different setting, compared to what he would normally see when they’re traveling. There’s no point in trying to intimidate them right now. It’s not like they can quickly flee the scene, with Mugen not able to move very fast. It wouldn’t give Karyuudo any new information.

The other piece is that I needed Mugen, Jin, and Fuu to feel secure enough in their safety to be able to stay at the cabin for a while. If Karyuudo did try to spook them, they would be forced to leave, and many of the events in the chapter wouldn’t be able to happen, at least not in the way I had planned. If they became aware of Karyuudo’s presence, it would have taken focus away from those events, and taken the plot in a different direction.

The only thing that could really come of that, is that they’d be limping through the woods again, and/or attacked again while Mugen is still injured. That already happened in Chapter 8. I suppose Mugen’s condition could worsen if he’s not able to heal properly before traveling again, and that could lead to a few other developments, but that’s not the direction I have planned.

In the next chapter, as Jin is walking to the village, he will be thinking about how odd it is that he hasn’t seen any signs of the man in the mask. In addition, the masked man will return to the forefront by making his presence known again in a much more obvious way.

I hope that explains what I was thinking when I wrote this chapter. I can see how it would seem weird that Jin hasn’t detected Karyuudo. I’m considering going back to Chapter 9 and adding more detail to show that Jin’s been watching, and that he thinks it’s strange and even frustrating that the man in the mask hasn’t shown himself in all this time.

What do you think? Would it be worthwhile to add more detail to Chapter 9 to clarify what’s happening?

History: Takeda Shingen

Jin started to tell Fuu a story about the brilliant military strategy of Takeda Shingen, but Fuu fell asleep before he got to the good part. I thought I’d share the meat of that story, for those of you interested in history.

Takeda Shingen was widely feared and respected as a military warlord. The Takeda army was huge. Under his leadership, the Takeda greatly expanded their territory by defeating many of their rivals.

Although we like to think of samurai as honorable men who carried a katana and wakizashi everywhere they went, that wasn’t the case for most of Japan’s history. That didn’t come about until the Edo period. Prior to that, during the Sengoku period, around the mid-late 16th century, the weapons of choice for the samurai were yumi (bow) and spears. They did use swords, but never as a primary weapon, and when they did, they used tachi more so than katana.

What would typically happen in battle (and this is an over-simplification) was that each army would be made up of a combination of mounted samurai, and foot soldiers who were usually peasants and farmers by profession. We’re talking thousands, maybe even tens of thousands of men (and occasionally some women).

For the most part, they all carried yumi. Both sides would fire at each other from a distance. When they advanced closer, the yumi were pretty useless. For one thing, yumi are the longest bows in the world. They’re huge, generally between 7 and 8 feet long by today’s measurements (the basic size and design of the yumi hasn’t changed much since the 16th and 17th centuries). Samurai needed to hand their yumi off to their attendants, who marched alongside them, then they would pull out their swords and fight in a big melee brawl. They might remain on horseback, or they might be forced to dismount. At that point, it was basically one-on-one combat.  You’d fight against one guy, kill him, and move on to the next guy.

Takeda Shingen was famous for a strategy known as the cavalry charge. He converted his mounted archers into lancers. The foot soldiers still carried yumi, but the samurai on horseback carried spears. They would ride in formation and charge against the enemy in waves. When they advanced on their opponents, they were able to remain mounted, leveraging the long reach of the spear. Then it wasn’t so much of a one-on-one fight, because they just plowed through the enemy’s ranks as a group. The enemy archers were not at all prepared for this strategy, and they were easily defeated. This became the trademark of the Takeda army, and one of the reasons why the Takeda were so feared in battle.

That’s where Jin’s story would have ended. Nobody wants to talk about the impending downfall of their own clan, but I figured some readers might actually be interested in this part, so I’m including it just for fun.

The Fall of the Takeda Clan

Unfortunately, after Shingen’s death, his son Takeda Katsuyori attempted to use the cavalry charge at the Battle of Nagashino in 1575 against the combined forces of Tokugawa Ieyasu (who would later become shogun) and Oda Nobunaga. It was a colossal failure.

Oda Nobunaga used Portuguese firearms - a matchlock rifle that the Japanese called tanegashima, named for the island where the Portuguese shipwrecked while carrying a load of these guns in their cargo. Some of the Japanese daimyo copied the design and produced their own rifles. (In the series, remember the so-called Francisco Xavier III and his guns? Those were a fictionalized version of the Portuguese-inspired design of early Japanese firearms.)

It didn’t require a lot of training to use these weapons, so Nobunaga could use peasants and farmers, and save his samurai for other duties. Some sources say that he had as many as 3000 rifles, in addition to 10,000 foot soldiers with yumi. Meanwhile, Katsuyori’s cavalry was made up of all samurai, plus some foot soldiers in the infantry.

Nobunaga was one of the first people in the world known to have used the strategy of volley fire. His men would be organized in groups. One group would fire off a round, then reload while another group fired. He also used archers. Arrows traveled farther than bullets, and yumi were faster to use - no reload time required. So a combination of the two was very effective.

Ieyasu and Nobunaga positioned their men behind a set of wooden palisades, on the far side of a river. When Katsuyori sent his cavalry, the river slowed them way down and many of them were wiped out before they ever made contact with the enemy soldiers. Most of those that made it across the river were stopped at the palisades. Nobunaga had spearmen waiting who could reach out from inside the palisades to strike down the few Takeda samurai who actually made it all the way there.

Between the use of firearms and the way he positioned and organized his men, Nobunaga’s strategy rendered the cavalry charge totally ineffective. Katsuyori was soundly defeated, losing two-thirds of his forces and many of his best generals.

After that, the Takeda clan started falling apart. Katsuyori had lost most of his best samurai in the battle, and two of his relatives defected to the Tokugawa/Nobunaga faction. People questioned his ability to lead, and most of his followers abandoned him. The clan was destroyed, and Katsuyori, his wife, and his son all committed seppuku - ritual suicide.

Poor Katsuyori. He’ll forever be remembered as the guy whose failure destroyed the mighty Takeda clan.

This provides a bit more context for the Mizuno brothers back in Chapter 7. Hideki talked about Jin’s clan having been defeated and scattered to the wind 100 years earlier. This was how it happened.

That’s all, folks! Thanks for reading!

[aion-rsa]

How Love, Victor Accurately Portrays The American LGBTQ Experience

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This article contains spoilers for Love, Victor season 2.

When it was announced that the iconic 2018 rom-com Love, Simon would receive a spinoff TV series, many worried it wouldn’t be able to find its own unique portrayal of sexual orientation awakening. In the hands of thoughtful showrunners Isaac Aptaker and Elizabeth Berger and the endearing lead performance from Michael Cimino, Love, Victor is able to cast a wide net of LGBTQ perspectives for the audience to learn and connect to. 

That’s why Hulu’s teen romance series has developed a niche, but rabid fanbase in the past year. As an audience, getting to follow along with Victor Salazar (the aforementioned Cimino) on his journey has been an honest and raw reflection of so many viewers’ experiences with their own sexuality. With the second season having premiered on June 11, excitement has been building to see where the title character goes now that he has a boyfriend and has come out of the closet to his family. 

No piece of media can ever be an all-encompassing overview of one group’s experience, but this show has really turned into a unique survey of the gay landscape, from sexual questioning, to sexual awakening, self-acceptance, and finally learning to live in a world where others don’t respond well to you being your true self. 

There are many stereotypes in media about what it means to be gay, and too often they depict a white, upper-middle class character with family and friends who have no qualms about queerness. The happy-go-lucky approach does not show outsiders just how tumultuous and heartbreaking it often is to grapple with being non-straight. Love, Victor engages the viewer and invites them to learn about a wide variety of LGBTQ struggles. Victor is Latino, lower-middle class, Catholic, and dealing with the upsides and downsides of being a gay man who skews more masculine than feminine. 

Victor has internalized homophobia throughout the first season, taking awhile to figure out that it is indeed okay to like men, no matter what his conservative Latinx parents have taught him in the past. When he reveals his sexuality to his mom and dad in the second season, the audience is treated to the juxtaposition of the parents’ differing reactions. Victor’s father has an easy time putting his love for his son ahead of his ingrained value system; Victor’s mother has a much harder time grappling with whether to put her religion or her son first, but the payoff in that journey is something to behold (and will make you cry). This decision from the writers gives the show a way to relate to the widest array of watchers in the target audience, and shows that love can trump bigotry if you have a decent heart and adore your family. 

Arguably the most tasteful analysis the show pulls off is its depiction of the limbo you are placed in as a gay person, particularly a gay man, where you are stuck between two different worlds based off of your gender expressions. Victor is traditionally masculine, one of the stars of his high school basketball team, yet his teammates feel uncomfortable with him in the locker room. For those who think this type of homophobia is an outdated trope, take a peek at any of the comments on social media at the beginning of Pride celebrations when any male sports teams lend their support to the equality movement. To a sizable portion of the population, being gay is still synonamous with being less masculine, and Victor feels the pain of his being outcasted from the guys he hoops with in a very raw way. 

He then quits the team in the third episode of the second season, only to be poked fun of for being a “former, straight-acting jock” by his boyfriend’s gay friends. In one of the most revelatory lines in the whole series, Victor asks his teammate Andrew (played by Mason Gooding), an eventual ally, what is the perfect amount of gay to satisfy everyone? Too gay to play sports and not gay enough to hang out with more traditionally queer folk, where exactly is he supposed to turn to find his true family? This question is the most daring one that Love, Victor asks of its audience. The show expects you to examine your own opinions on gender norms and expressions regardless of sexual orientation, and teaches everyone that there is no one way to structure your identity. Victor as a character is a canvas for a myriad of interests and personalities, demonstrating the diversity of the Western LGBTQ+ experience. 

This variety is also dissected in what is likely to be the most controversial storyline of the latter half of season 2, when new character Rahim (played by Anthony Keyvan), a closeted classmate of Victor’s, reaches out for some support. As Victor’s relationship with Benji (played by George Sear) starts to go awry, Rahim becomes a confidant, a close friend, and possibly something much more than that. The love triangle that develops as the finale closes will irk many viewers, but that might be in line with the writers’ intentions.

Benji represents many of the privileges that exist in pop culture with gay men: white, rich, and possessing socially liberal parents, he doesn’t fully understand many of the hardships in Victor’s life. On the other hand, Rahim is an Iranian Muslim, with enough flamboyance to match well with much of Victor’s traditional machismo. They are kindred spirits in many ways, and all of their different gayness meshes in a way that is aptly described by Rahim as “magical”. Comparing and contrasting a mixed race relationship (white person with a racial-minority person) with one where both parties are non-white gives the audience a lot to chew on. All of the intricacies of race, gender expression, and sexuality intertwine when Victor and Rahim are together, forcing the narrative to dig deeper and making the show something truly special.

The sheer amount of side characters and the short runtime (each episode clocks in at around 30 minutes each) leaves some stories feeling a little rushed, which would be one of the only flaws in the show’s exploration of teenage sexuality. With the time that is given, you don’t always get the full picture on the peripheral of the main plot, but relationships like Victor and his best friend, Felix, and the bond that he shares with his ex-girlfriend, Mia, are also valuable to the portrayal of a gay man’s inner circle.

Victor and Felix (played by Anthony Turpel) are a beacon of hope that a gay man and straight man can remain as tight after the coming out process as they were before. There is no sexual tension and absolutely no insecurities from Felix that Victor may come on to him; the latter issue is one of the preeminent reasons so many queer people have for holding off on being themselves, as they don’t want their friends to view them any differently than before (I, for instance, had an aunt who dropped one of her longest friendships when she found out the woman was a lesbian). They talk about their sex lives, go to each other for relationship advice, and just have a whole lot of fun; they’re bros (or bone brothers, according to Felix). Victor and Felix do not represent the majority of gay/straight friends, rather they portray the idyllic potential of this scenario in a world that will hopefully become fully comfortable with it some day soon.

As the first season came to a close, Mia (played by Rachel Hilson) is heartbroken after Victor cheats on her in the process of figuring out his sexuality and the showing of her forgiveness in the second season is one of the highlights of the series. Gay men keeping their friendships with ex-girlfriends after coming out is a common stereotype, but it’s rarely shown with such tenderness as in this series. The Victor/Mia bond demonstrates the ways platonic love can be so powerful it can confuse those engaged in it. This makes figuring out one’s sexuality even more confusing for many in the LGBTQ community, and the interpretation of this trope is very warm as seen in these two characters.

When making a TV show that represents a group of people who have been traditionally discriminated against, it is not enough for the characters to simply exist; these folks need to be a reflection of the society that they are fictionalizing. Unfortunately, depictions of the LGBTQ community on screen have long been restricted to one-dimensional sidekicks (the Gay Best Friend trope, examined perfectly here by The Take)  and cheap stereotypes (Carol on Friends was used to insult Ross’s masculinity, insinuating that he turned her lesbian because he wasn’t man enough for her). 

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In Love, Victor, the core discussion around how masculinity, conservative social norms, and the gay experience can merge into one lifestyle is extremely compelling for a myriad of reasons, not the least being that parents of children who look, act, and behave just like Victor can see how normal all of this is. Being gay is so much more than who you are attracted too; sexuality relates to every sector of a person’s life and how they are perceived by the society around them. No other show on TV right now can claim to be as aware of all of these topics, all while making you laugh, cry, and think. Victor says in the second episode of season 2 that he hopes to inspire someone else to be themselves one day; he’s surely already done that tenfold. 

All 10 episodes of Love, Victor season 2 are available to stream on Hulu now.

The post How Love, Victor Accurately Portrays The American LGBTQ Experience appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3gvFrsC

[abadamshere-blog]

Bilingualism

Hey guys! Today, I am reaching out to the bilingual community, or whoever is interested in bilingualism! I knew bilingualism was a good topic of debate but I didn’t know so many people had different views on it. Some people think it actually makes people more intelligent or creative (which would be awesome if that’s actually true) and then others think it actually decreases functions is your brain (how crazy does that sound?!), so why even bother? Then we always have those people who don’t have an opinion or just think neutrally. Their opinion is that it does neither help or hurt...so there’s that. Now, hopefully all of you reading this have an opinion on it and knows what it is but just in case you don’t, according to the handy dandy google dictionary, is fluency in or use of two languages. What’s cool is that you can be bilingual in a couple different ways. First off, even if you have only a little bit of proficiency, you could be considered bilingual, and of course it goes all the way up to being an almost-native speaker. Also, bilingualism can be classified as multiple combinations. You could be be bilingual in speaking but not reading or writing or vice versa, which I don’t know about y’all, but I think it pretty nifty. And as many of you may know, the best time to get started teaching or expressing another language is a cute little baby. Yes, babies are soooo cute and eventually, they will knowledge to take over the world if they start being bilingual. Only not really. Let’s move on to the next topic please, I feel like I am boring you guys… Alright, so now I’m gonna delve into why people think it enhances your brain. One reason and a very great one at that, is since you have 2 languages in your brain, it makes it think a little more than someone might if there was only, say, 1 language. I mean, come on, how cool would it be to have 2 or more languages in your brain and be more intelligent? This process of making the brain think more, challenges it to process more information and does more work each and everyday. Maybe the brain sings “work, work, work, work, work” by Rihanna. Maybe not. I don’t know. Anyways, aside from being a more brainy person, your future jobs and companies are looking for people with unique traits and bilingualism is definitely one of them. Bilinguists hold many, many opportunities. A big factor that affects how good of a bilingual you are (is that even a term I can use?), is the environment you grew up in or around. If you are constantly around other bilingual people and use both of the languages the same amount, you will adapt to each language better than if you focused on one more than the other. Some other random reasons why being bilingualism can be helpful is because it makes you think more quickly, brainstorm more easily, and come up with better ideas or think of things you may not have thought of before. We can thank our brain for this because since we already are differentiating between two languages so quickly, your brain is like “Oh, bro, let me do other things just as fast as this.. just watch me!” I hope this information is not obvious for you guys...I’m trying to help form an opinion for you guys. Sorry if I’m sucking. But, you know, this one cool dude named John Jacobs said that, “When matched by quartiles for I.Q., the bilinguals still scored higher on the creativity tests. Bilinguals scored better, comparatively, on non-verbal tests than one the verbal. The bilingual children have a significantly higher I.Q. than the monolinguals in spite of the verbal orientation of the I.Q. tests used” (Jacobs and Pierce 503). This is a study that pretty much proves some bilingual people are more intelligent in some areas. Hmm. Interesting. If you’re still reading this, thanks. ALOT. So, I guess I’m gonna start explaining the next perspective which may not be as supported but it still exists. This is the view that being bilingual can decrease levels of intelligence or creativity. These people also think that it doesn’t give you any advantages in life. WTF!? I’m not saying it’s wrong, but...I’ll let you guys decide that. There is another cool dude named Rafael Diaz that found some myths people believe and they are totally crazy. Here is a summary of these myths: Kids will suffer retardation if taught at an early age, will not get the same content mastery as their peers, they will not reach an okay level of their native or target language, or that they won’t have any interaction with either of the ethnic groups of the languages (Diaz 24). I’m not sure if those are true but I guess he’d have to come up with those somehow. These could have been the results of poorly planned experiments or someone fooling around and messing up the results in a certain area. Whether these are true or not, the peeps who believe these having evidence and sources to back themselves up. There are also other factors that affect how bilingualism may decrease functionality is whether you are a rich boy or not. If you were of a wealthy family compared to poor, you were more likely to succeed. Many people teach differently and how the students react to these is how they will come to accurate conclusions. Ah, finally. You are all probably thinking “Wow, I’m so happy this post is almost over-- it’s so long. I’M SORRY. I HAD TO GET MY POINT ACROSS. Anyways, let’s get back to the post so this can be over with. There is one final perspective and that is where people have no opinion on this or they think that being bilingual doesn’t do anything, like no harm or no good. I can see this view...mainly because they just don’t think it’s a big deal and it doesn’t do much so why waste time? It gets stressful and both groups, teachers and students, will get frustrated and give up. No one wants that happening so they just might not even try. This results is no one benefiting from trying to teach or learn bilingually. Maybe if they try, they will end up not speaking either language correctly or getting them mixed up even.  Maybe each language gets in the way of another one and stops you from learning any other languages. No bueno. (Haha, get it? I used Spanish in an English paper. Yeah, okay. Let’s get back to the paper.). These views may come up out of fear but I believe anyone can power through and overcome anything if they really wanna try. In order to meet all the needs and wants of people, we can come to a conclusion and do something that works for everybody. Yay, teamwork! We can perform a study on an amount of people who would count as the majority and see what the results are. The other views will have to accept whatever the results of the experiment. So, yeah, this post is over! I hope y’all enjoyed this and be looking out for more of my blog posts!  I also hope this formed an opinion for you guys and lets you see some different viewpoints. Thank guys! (P.S. I guess I’ve gotta give those dudes that I mentioned earlier some credit for their work for helping me in mine.

Also, here is a bilingual song (Spanish and English) to just let you see what it's like and how cool bilingualism really is!

Ed Sheeran- Shape of you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HImSwqyx9Ao

                      Diaz, Rafael M. “Thought and Two Languages: The Impact of Bilingualism of Cognitive Development.” Review of research in Education; vol. 10, 1983, pp. 23-54. American Educational Research Association, http://www.jstor.org/stable/1167134. Accessed 3 Dec 2017.

Jacobs, John F. and Pierce, Marnell L. “Bilingualism and Creativity.” Elementary English;vol. 43, no. 5, May 1966, pp. 499-503. National Council of Teachers of English, http://www.jstor.org/stable/41386031. Accessed 3 Dec 2017.

[trillian8]

“Finding the Sun”--New Beginnings and Groundhog Day

Hi. I’m Sara.

(*takes anxiety-ridden inhale & exhale*)

Let’s Do This . . . .

I’ve never been one for flashy displays, or really calling attention to myself in any manner, so you can imagine I have had little to no use for social media like this. Maybe it was watching too much Twilight Zone as a kid, being warrey of intrusive technology. More than likely I figured that no one has ever really wanted to hear my thoughts so far in my 28 years of existence, why would that change? Best just surf the vast Inter-Web in silence, enjoy from the shadows.

Then came Groundhog Day: The Musical

I first heard of it while watching  The Late Show with Stephen Colbert absentmindedly one night. Andy Karl (who I would eventually come to know and love as the insanely talented lead of the production) was one of the guests, and while he was charming and engaging, my main take-away was . . .”Why?”

Why would someone make a Musical out of Groundhog Day? What crazy random thought process would lead someone to put music to that story? How would that even work?

Slightly intrigued, I made a mental note to look it up sometime, then went about my business, paying it no mind.

I wouldn’t think of it again till a month or so later when I caught the tail-end of the Tony’s. While too late to see their performance, just being reminded of it’s existence through the Best Actor & Musical awards inspired me to try and get more info. It wasn’t long until I come upon the soundtrack on YouTube.

Being the weirdo I am, the 1st song I listen to was “Day 2”. I’m a big fan of characters being put into odd situations--Sci-fi, Fantasy, the Supernatural, you name it--and the “Oh God, What’s Happening?!” reaction tends to be among my favorite parts, and since I was already familiar with the story, I started there. And . . .I thought it was pretty neat! The tempo had a nice pace, the melody was hummable, and I loved hearing Phil trying to rationalize with his “List O’ Possibilities” . Moving on to “Day 3” heightened my interest more with the distorted melody over Phil’s distressed cries.

Then came “Stuck”, and I found that my heart was no longer my own.

The song was so clever, funny, intricate, and insanely catchy with a hint of sad desperation as Phil is grasping at straws. I adored it. I started it over again, and then proceed to replay it a few times just trying to get more of the lyrics before moving on.

“One Day” and “Hope” just made it official--This show was my life now-my new Pop Culture focus.

I can’t accurately describe how wonderful it felt to fall in love with a media property again. While there are plenty of things that I like and enjoy, Groundhog Day was something else, something that touched me at my core. I went back to the beginning and cycled through the tracks, absorbing the hilarious, heartfelt, fun, smart, sorrowful, and enlightening arrangements like I was breathing. I would spend those 76 mins trying to construct the show in my mind, knowing that my job (Teacher’s Aid at a Special Needs School) and my location (Florida) would more than likely keep me from ever seeing it in person. But it wasn’t enough-I needed more.

So I ventured out in search of the fandom.

I’ve always considered the sharing of ideas, theories, and opinions to be one of the best things about consuming different media. To take a group of people and have them all come to different conclusions after watching, reading, or listening to the same thing has been a constant point of fascination for me. I love seeing all the varied creative endeavors that one thing  can inspire, and the relationships it can bring together. I believe that Fandom, at it’s core, is a perfect example of the interconnected-ness and imagination of the human spirit.

The Groundhog Day Fandom did not disappoint. In fact, it exceeded expectations greatly by being so close-nit, creative, and passionate. There were theories and cordial discussions as far as the eye could see with such detailed and sweet fan-art. And while still in the growing stages, the fanficiton archive has stories that are just as thought provoking and soul-enriching as the show itself. Though small, it left quite an impact on me. For the first time, actually engaging instead of watching from the sidelines was a strong desire.

Once I finally came across the illustrious “Boot”, it became more clear what drew me to this show, what touched me so deeply. I felt very much like Phil, years of isolation had made me tired and distrusting of those around me (though, I’d like to think I’m not as big of an asshole-being at least to courteous others). I have been living each day as interchangeable pieces of nothingness, the same old-same old. It all seemed set in stone, that this is all I should ever hope to have.

But this show emphatically says “Suck my Balls!” to that kind of thinking. Nothing is forever, everyone has a chance to learn and grow into new people. That if you work at it, even just a little bit at a time, the world will seem like a brand new place. I also love the notion that changing your outlook and position in life has just as much to do with the people around you as it does with yourself. Once Phil is able to let people in, get close to him, he is able to let go of a lot of his hang-ups in favor of filling that void with the positive feelings of connecting with and ultimately helping others. Then he is able to have relationships built on mutual respect and truth. This is a paradigm we all aspire to, and the good people of Punx., PA give us the hope that it’s possible.

So, to make a long post short (readers-”too late” :) ), I like to wholeheartedly, and with much adoration, thank the creators, actors, and all the behind the scenes crew on crafting a truly magical piece of theater. I hope that although this show’s life is being criminally and drastically cut short, you know the true impact your work left on the people who saw it and the hordes of people still to come. I’m holding on to the dream that most, if not all of you, will be involved in the tour and that we are able to grow the production’s popularity-- grass-roots style :)

I also want to thank the Fandom, or “Small Fandom USA” as it has come to be known, for being so open and welcoming and providing such wonderfully interesting writings & art work to consume.

(* With a special shout-out to @itsqueermrmarvin for not being creeped out by some random weirdo joining in on your live-streams. Those are so much fun and gave me the final push I needed to join Fandom proper! *)

Taking a page out of the GHD playbook, I intend to use this blog to engage more with the world and to improve my writings (My ultimate goal-could you tell? ;p). Hopefully I can keep things fun & engaging. And I promise to try to be less long-winded in the future

“Tomorrow, there will be Sun! And if not tomorrow, perhaps the day after . . .”