#i just have a lot of thoughts about stamp as an adaptation and why it doesn't work for me :

[roserocksrapidly]

Not to complain about tri stamp on main, genuinely NOT trying to bash it, but I really don't like how they handled Vash and Knives relationship :/ . And it's not just bc it's different from the source material. Specifically rn thinking about the arm situation.

Rambling thoughts on why below:

On the surface, it's the same- there's a confrontation between the brothers and it ends with Knives cutting off Vash's arm. But like the implications are so different 😭. In stamp, they argue bc Knives just "protected" Vash by killing some humans, Vash's powers start to go haywire in a fit of protective rage, and Knives takes Vash's arm to keep him from black holing everything. But the manga situation frames it in a much more interesting way to me. They're arguing bc Knives just killed humans to "save" Vash again, BUT

1) these humans did actually hurt Vash. It's not all that unreasonable to retaliate when the evidence of their cruelty is right there in a young Vash chained to a pole in the town square. But Vash would never retaliate bc of his pacifism and the fact that he understands why they have done something cruel. He would get pissed at Knives killing any humans of course, but the pre-established relationship Vash has with these people in particular gives the reader a different picture of WHY Vash chooses pacifism. He's not just "uwu all humans are good", he knows intimately that they can be cruel but he believes strongly in their ability to change-- they're cruel bc they were backed into a corner, that means there's another path forward for them, the cruelty is not inevitable, they all have blank tickets. Meanwhile in stamp, those random scientists were not cruel to Vash. Yeah, scientists as a whole shunned him and spoke bad about him at first, but Vash has a well-established, friendly working relationship by that point. Taking away the immediacy of the cruelty frames Knives as the more mature one who sees past the humans' front to see how they're taking advantage of Vash and it frames Vash as the naive one who must learn why he should protect people instead of turning a blind eye to their cruelty. And like I get why Orange probably did this-- it's a more conventional story beat and gives room to show Vash's development from a naive kid to the wiser hero. But idk I just think this is boring compared to trimax's approach where our expectations for Vash to be the naive hero (like wolfwood's expectations) are slowly chipped away as we learn that Vash is actually a deeply thoughtful, mature person. Much more mature compared to Knives, whose philosophy of killing everything that can hurt you is shown to be deeply childish and naive.

Which leads me to 2) Knives in trimax did not cut off Vash's arm to save or protect him. Even if you can argue stamp Knives did it more to save himself than save Vash, there's still external benefits to keeping Vash from black holing everything uncontrollably lol. But there is NO hiding why manga Knives did it. It was a pure, petty, childish fit of rage. Vash tries to shoot him and Knives is pissed that Vash isn't doing what he wants, that he's standing up to Knives. Vash isn't playing the game how Knives insists it must be played and Knives is a kid who can't regulate his emotions so he lashes out when he doesn't get his way. This is one of the most transparent moments for who Knives is as a person. And I think it's one of the most crucial scenes in the series for showing the main point: that cruelty is childish and cannot bring about a better world and kindness and mercy are the harder road that take real maturity to truly believe in.

Anways, all that being said I don't hate stamp. I can tell that Orange does genuinely have a lot of love for trimax and trigun as a whole and they had to make a lot of simplifying adaptational choices to even conceivably fit the charm of a story as deceptively introspective as trigun into 12 episodes. But still, the places they chose to simplify just don't work for me. I think they make the story much more bland, unfortunately. If I were to watch stamp completely blind, I don't think I would be all that interested in the Vash Knives conflict bc it's a narrative I've seen a hundred times before. And I just think that's a shame, because I could write paragraphs and paragraphs more on how interesting their relationship in the manga is and I wish more people could be exposed to that story.

[lavenderjewels]

JJK chapter 246 thoughts below

Because the official chapter’s translations last week were disappointing in a couple of ways, I read the fan translation. Keeping all my thoughts here until the official one drops!

I loved this chapter a lot! :’)

MEGUMI.

I have been SO confident that yuuji is trying to save megumi since he was taken over that I am unbelievably satisfied, especially after seeing way too many posts that megumi is 100% dead or has no chance. I’ve been slightly bitter at seeing so many theories about Gojo coming back that don’t make sense when it would be a crime if he came back but not Megumi (or Nobara). The only question is whether or not Yuuji will actually be able to save Megumi or if either will die in the process—for my own sake, I’m believing in the power of friendship. Also, I wish there were date/time stamps for the flashbacks, since it’s hard to remember when in the time skip it is.

And LOVE that Yuuji was the one that came up with that plan. Nothing will ever be easy and there’s no way this plan can go right without more death, but that little sliver of hope is fantastic. I can always rely on Yuuji being the “humanity” of the team. Thinking back to when Hana and him off-handedly wondered if Gojo forgot about Megumi during the fight. It’s nice having two people who are invested in saving Megumi when the situation is dire.

Did Choso getting punched x2 straight through the chest and stomach worry me? Yes, but he’s not dead and Yuuji didn’t look devastated, so I’m taking this as a positive that he’s out of the fight for now. If he wasn’t a half curse and it wasn’t so casual, I’d be concerned. Sukuna does NOT like either of the siblings since he’s met both. Very sweet that Yuuji caught him the second Sukuna threw him aside.

The color page (which looks incredible) is fueling my belief that Maki is with Yuuta as help with Kenjaku. That, or the current team is the first round of fighters and they’ll need her soul sword for something last-minute sukuna related, but I just wouldn’t be surprised if the jujutsu high second years stuck together.

Higuuuuuuuurumaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa <3

I love him. “Sukuna found himself completely enthralled—“ same

No really, I’ve adored his character since chapter 159 released and I’m so happy that one of my favorite characters is getting all this. I already have other posts lined up for when the official chapter drops, but I love him.

His conversation with Yuuji was dark, but I love these quiet moments of insight. Such a good chapter for all these tiny character moments with interesting implications.

Despite my disappointment at the trial ending so soon, I like this fight and I think Sukuna does too (for Higuruma). The end pages about Higuruma’s quick learning and adaption to sorcery is exactly what I wanted to see!

(Continuing) Higuruma is essentially a tired lawyer new to sorcery and is not nearly as overpoweringly strong as Gojo, yet the manga states he rivals Gojo in raw talent and adaptability. Realistically, he doesn’t and can’t have that overpowered strength to the degree of Gojo, but I love how that doesn’t diminish the skills he does have and shows how valuable these characters can be (and it’s not JUST talent, but how their mindset around life and sorcery too). They don’t have to be overpowered to have a profound impact and be smart in their fighting.

(Continuing) I remember seeing comments after Gojo died that there was no use because there can’t be a way for the protagonists to defeat Sukuna without a deus ex machina, plot armor, etc. But I hoped the story would lean into the characters’ strengths and have them work together to find a smart way with combined effort to take down Sukuna, rather than Gojo be the magical solution to killing Sukuna and Kenjaku. So this chapter worked in a lot of ways for me.

(Continuing) It’s the same reason why Yuuji turning his role put on him (by others and himself) as a cage/tool into something significant in this fight is very compelling. At a surface level, these characters are much weaker than Sukuna, but I think they genuinely have a chance. Plus, it’s more entertaining to have a team fight in jjk and, despite still heavily incorporating the power system, I find this fight to already be more emotional and investing than the Gojo Sukuna one. Not to be overly negative on that last fight (there’s good moments in it and the fighting itself is fun), but this is what I wanted from JJK!

More people will die at some point. Better not be Choso (Yuki died for him so that had better not go to waste immediately), but could honestly be anyone. I do think there’s going to be a moment where things do end up going right for the protagonist team, but that could be a long time from now. Kusakabe being surprised at himself for his willingness to die to protect Higuruma was??? Adorable??? A duo I never considered, but I need them to survive (unlikely) and interact more now that I’m thinking of how well they’d get along.

Another long review of a jjk chapter, but had a great time with this one! At this point, I mention it weekly, but Sukuna in his original form is beautiful every time I see him and im very happy to have him in that form for this fight.

[langernameohnebedeutung]

Am I the only one who is a little concerned about this obsession with 'body counts' lately?

I know it's easy to say 'well it isn't a re-emergence of any sort, culture has always been obsessed with women being 'pure' and 'chaste' - and we are here in the process of stamping it out! Look how far we've come since 1970s/1950s/1920s/19th century/whatever.' or 'it's just your usual incels balking against change'

And yes! you are right! And I don't have statistics or anything! - But something that alerts me is that we're no longer talking about religious or conservative contexts or specifically misogynistic circles or older people. It is a mainstream discussion and people talk about how you should ask girls for their 'body count' on the first date and if she 'doesn't answer she's for the street' and 'whatever number she says, add x%." - and is really young people regurgitating it - even young girls.

Another hint for me that this is a re-emergence and not just some remnant or something passed own from previous generations is language. I've seen quite a few tiktoks and and insta-reels by non-English speaking teens and early tweens who used the specific English word 'body count' to talk about this - something they wouldn't do if they had gotten this from their parents or grandparents or if it were an organical idea they had come up with on their own. It must have been inspired by other users who produce similar content - and these users were likely inspired by others and so forth. And as someone in her late 20s, I've never heard it used in my social circle and it was never really a big issue for any of us once we got out of puberty.

Personally, I've expected the cultural pendulum to swing back on sex positivity and the deconstruction of virginity for a while now, but I think it is important that a lot of these terms (not just the 'body count' thing) aren't your classic 'the mainstream is afraid of change' kind of backlash. A lot of this talk is coming directly from the red pill manosphere and is strategically being normalised among the youth - and because misogyny is still treated as some 'normal cultural thing' in many contexts, it is something that most young people aren't prepared for and aren't taught to contextualise and cannot identify as rooted in hate.

The obsession with virginity is one of the oldest forms of subjugation because it's so disconnected from any kind of physical reality or moral action. The moment this kind of rhetoric is given any power, any woman can be the most altruistic, morally upstanding, generous best person to ever have walked the earth - but with this tool, you can still ruin her. (The same way that a man can be the most moral upstanding, generous best person to walk the earth and then get mocked for being 'an adult virgin' or something). That's how/why this rhetoric survived for millennia in societies whose entire structure was based on denying women permanent social status - because anyone can do it! You don't need to understand anything to call a woman a slut - you can be the dumbest idiot in your village and still call a professor of quantum-physics a slut if you don't like her (or not do it, if you like her! That is what power is!). You don't need to understand anything about her policies or success-rate to slutshame a politician. You don't need to know her as a person. You don't need to have listened to a single speech of hers or anything.

That's why it always worked so well. Because it allows anyone to mistreat a woman based on nothing to do with her personal convictions, thoughts, or actions. Because anyone can invent and adapt their own standards of when a woman's 'body count' is too high (even: not high enough!) - and even if she's a virgin, you can still say she 'well, look how she dresses' or 'she wears make-up' - or just say she is lying. Because it is absolutely unprovable - that's also a tale as old as time: the moment you start ascribing any value to how much sex a woman has or has had, you can go all medieval and make up the wildest claims and they are given relevance from the power you gave that claim.

And whether it has been used against individual women or against entire cells and movements of women carving out some independence for themselves and detaching themselves or even changing the societies they had no power in, the strengthening of 'purity' rhetoric was a very common response to this because it was a way of denigrating these women without actually being forced to engage with their arguments.

I actually feel a little stupid laying out something that has been said so much more eloquently and in so much more detail on many other occasions by other people and that has been much more thoroughly analysed, but I'm actually worried that because of the sexual liberation of the last one hundred years, we might become blind to how dangerous this kind of rhetoric is for women and how ingrained it is into our culture structurally. But I am really worried watching this - especially bc a lot of similar and related rhetoric: That's not something that has been passed down to these kids from their parents and grandparents or...priest or whatever:

This is incel and MGTOW rhetoric being normalised as memes and jokes. And I see the argument of 'well, if we treat it as a joke and make fun of these dudes, then we're taking power from it'. But these last few years, I've seen so many things start out as jokes - some harmless, some not - that are now being taken 100% serious by a lot of people out there. And virginity-rhetoric is something that is still being taken seriously around the globe by billions of people, so it's not something that will treated as a conspiracy weirdo hocuspocus - but something that is falling on very fertile soil.

[bleachbleachbleach]

For the fanfic ask game! (14) If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick? (and also which medium) (17) What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic? (30) Ask anything! Who is your current favorite character to write?

Fic Writing Meme

(14) If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick? (and also which medium)

I have strongly considered making a graphics package for REVERSE THE BONE that’s just like, all the material culture ephemera Hinamori collected over the course of the Train Job—Kira’s map, packaging and flyers from Iwatobi, a tourism map of East Rukongai complete with stamp rally, the Takenoyu business card… I love that kind of in-universe graphic design, and I’d already made the train tickets. Buuuut if I made more graphics, it would take that time away from writing.

Other than that, I always think of D O N K I in visual terms, because Hitsugaya spends so much of that fic being overstimulated by Worm TVs and weird cups and fast trains and, of course, Don Quijote itself. It’s a fairly melancholy fic, but the visuals that attend it all are so absurd I feel like it would be cool to see in a visual medium that could really play with that contrast. Maybe one of those books where you can pull new elements into the scene via pull tab, or open little doors, or initiate fancy pop-ups! THERE’S A DONKI AT THE END OF THIS BOOK:

(Kyoto May 2023) "That's just the aesthetic of any dollar store" YEAH but you can buy perishable prepared foods inside this one somewhere! (By the socks.)

(17) What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?

I wrote a post-TYBW fic that involved spending a lot of time burying bodies in mass graves, because the only divisions that got mentioned as cremating their dead were the 11th and the 4th. The body burying happened for the ~vibes and because it didn’t occur to me to think about it, and it wasn’t until after writing it that I had the thought that like, oh hm, why wouldn’t everyone be cremated? Because in my mind Japan is a country of cremation. So I assumed for years that the whole fic was based on a flawed premise, and oh well, it’s Soul Society so it does whatever I want it to, I’ll live with that.

But then when writing the Train Fic, I looked up how bodies might be transported, and what kinds of receptacles were used. And I was like, well, it’s really not going to be the same visual if it’s just a bunch of boxes of ashes, lol. But in my reading, I learned that the dominance of cremation in Japan is super recent! Like mid-20th century recent! And my perception otherwise is a very Buddhist bias! After that, I ended up starting research in the Yayoi period and working my way forward, because I figured I’d get the full historical picture and then decide how I wanted to imagine Soul Society’s version of that swathe of history, since I figured 1) lifespan difference might result in some pre-Edo holdovers when it comes to the basics, and 2) Soul Society wasn’t going to have the same socio-historical pressures driving change, so in those instances where they were choosing to model things they did after the Living World, they probably also just cherry-picked whatever they vibed with lol.

Anyhow, this was a cool, short, pretty cute video about ancient burial practices and burial jars!

(30) Ask anything! Who is your current favorite character to write?

HAHA realistically, whoever’s feeling collaborative and is willing to be nice to me. 🥺 But in the extremely *likely* scenario where someone puts a gun to my head and says "you have to write a Bleach fic right now, while we watch, or we shoot you!" I’d probably choose to do it with Matsumoto.

Because she’s patronized one Junrinan confectionary at least one time, and was excited about Orihime’s cooking, and loves shopping and celebrations of all kinds, and learned traditional dance despite obviously not growing up in The Scene, my mind has kind of spun Matsumoto into someone who sees a lot of value in experiencing and learning about different cultures (which in her context primarily means Rukongai districts), and it’s fun to write her interfacing with all these things. She doesn’t seem to have strong ties to the district she came from, necessarily, but I feel like she has strong values around recognizing Rukongai at large as a real place with infinite cultural particularities—particularities she wants to honor and know about—not just a blank slate waypoint.

Closer to canon, she has so many interesting relationships with people all across the board, you can kind of bring her into any situation and she’ll probably have some kind of generative connection to it. I also love that even though she’s open to conversations that might be really difficult OR down to clown, she also has a private core that she doesn’t share, and it can be really fun to play with that dialogism when narrating from her POV. She’s just a really good time all around!

[imanightmarethatlookslikeadream]

THE REMAINERS ( Ghost x Fem! Reader)

Hello everybody! This is my first story on Tumblr; I hope you like it. First of all, I want to say that I have never played COD before, everything here is fictitious, and English is not my native language; I write them by translating. So if I make mistakes, please forgive me. I hope you like the story.

Warning: Guns, harassment, kidnapping, military, psychological violence, lots of drama and tears Warning 2: I named my main character "Serafina" and characterized her as a writer. But it doesn't have to suit you; you can put yourself in its place and adapt it to yourself. I just did it to keep the flow and integrity of the story.

This section is just a brief introduction. I will slowly upload full episodes. Good reading !

You met him five years ago. in Mexico; You met in a remote bar in Cuetzalan. He was standing in the very corner of a group of 6 men. Black jeans, a black sweatshirt and a black skull print ski mask. It was definitely scary. But you couldn't take your eyes off him, you watched him all night. You came with a large group of friends, you were accepted to a university in Spain for a doctorate, and now you were going to take a little vacation and return to the university. Your friends were always talking about something, joking, but you don't remember any of them because your eyes were busy watching this man, who was almost two meters tall, in a remote corner. You wanted to go near him, but frankly, you didn't have the heart to approach such a man. As the night progressed, you continued to drink and your head started to fog up and you couldn't control your thoughts. “How bad can it be?” you said to yourself and stood up. You asked the waiter for a napkin and a pen, the waiter looked at you strangely but gave you what you wanted.

I would love to meet you! ¡Me estás tentando, tipo duro! I don't want to just watch you from afar ;) XOXO - Serafinaaa :)))))

You didn't want to go to their table and handed the napkin to the waiter and told him to give it to the man with a glass of whiskey and this napkin. You scrutinized your every move

The waiter held out the napkin and the glass, He took the napkin,

read it,

and threw it on the table oh, it shouldn't be like this

You made your way to the sink with your shoulders down, you should have washed your face. The toilets were downstairs, you went down, washed your hands and splashed some cold water on your face. You saw him at the top of the stairs as you came out of the bathroom with a wry smile. Tall and skull-stamped balaclava man. Lieutenant Simon Riley. Nicknamed "Ghost".

You and Simon have been together ever since. It was a gift from God to you. You kept your relationship completely confidential for your safety. "I have to protect you," he said. And he promised to always protect you. So what has changed now? Why did he leave you in the hands of a Russian Mafia? Where was the Simon you fell in love with?

Location: A small British Army bunker on the Russian border

Date: September 15

You were in the kitchen in the guest section of the bunker, facing your husband—your child's father—looking into your eyes. You could feel his anger even through his mask. The kitchenette was pretty crowded, the Lieutenant and his crew, you and your little four-month-old girl who was getting more and more grumpy in her arms, a few soldiers in the bunker, and the bunker doctor and psychologist who had been around for the last few days. God bless them if you are up now it was thanks to them. You looked into his eyes and stepped back so he wouldn't come near you. But now you had nowhere to go, you were leaning against the wall. You looked at your little girl first—Lilibeth Riley—my god she was already four months old, but what do you remember about your past four months?

You were kidnapped, it was a few days after giving birth, you were back home and you were waiting for your husband. You last spoke to her two months before the birth. You said, "You have to come home now, Simon, I can't do this without you, I can't hold her in my arms alone" and she promised you, "I will be with you". But he didn't come, you were angry with him, yes, but it was his job and all he could think of was if something had happened to him. What if he was injured or worse, died? No, he wasn't dead, he was in front of you right now, but you were dead.

You had run to the door when Vladmir's men knocked on the door of your house, you thought you had finally arrived, Simon. No one knew about this house but you and Simon. Even Price didn't know. but Vladmir had learned. By turning the handle of the door, you found yourself in the arms of four months of captivity. You still didn't understand how you came to Russia from a house on the British border. How many hours were you unconscious? Your little girl? What had they given him? You still didn't know the answer to these, and you stopped thinking. Vladmir said very simply on the phone, "I want the passwords, lieutenant. I want the codes for the launch missiles within 48 hours, or I'll shoot your daughter in the head and fuck your wife to death."

It was that simple and clear.

You were afraid of what to do, you couldn't even speak. With tears flowing from your eyes, all you could do was whisper to your baby, just a few days old, to shut up. You thought 48 hours, hold on for 48 hours and Simon will save you. He would save you, get you and your daughter out of this mess. 48 hours later a phone rang, your heart raced and your heart started beating in your mouth, you hugged your little girl and said daddy came. Vladmir had picked up the phone immediately, Yes Lieutenant? I hope you realize that the time is up, let's share your choice with me. You were waiting for him to give the passwords or the soldiers would come in, but no, there was no one, a strange male voice was heard on the phone, "Vladmir", you didn't recognize this voice, it didn't belong to anyone from the team.

"We don't share passwords"

What?

"We can't risk the death of millions for one hostage, they're yours, this deal is over"

What?

Simon?

You didn't understand what was happening at that moment. Were you having a heart attack? Probably.

The blood flowing in your body had stopped, and your brain was not working. A voice echoed in your head that he left you here, leaving you and your daughter in Vladmir's hands. You waited; you didn't know how many minutes passed. It would come, it should come. Maybe this phone was a trap; soldiers could come in anytime. but no one came, or the phone rang. Even Vladmir looked at you with pitying eyes when you lifted your head. You sucked your little girl in. It was here. On one side, you have 29 years of life; on the other hand, a week of life with your little girl, and now it was all over.You were waiting for the gunshot. First, your daughter, then you. How did you do this to me, Simon? Why did you leave me? Where are you Simon? You waited, you waited, you waited. You couldn't help but open your eyes Vladmir and his men were looking at you. He grabbed your arm and called out to the man behind you, "close them in a room," and looked at you "every choice has a consequence, and they didn't choose you" yes, they didn't choose you and your little girl. and they left you in the hands of a Russian mafia. "You are now my choice and mine". You wanted to shout kill me. kill me so I can get rid of it, but your little girl? what would they do to her? You didn't say anything; you stared at the ground and kept crying. You continued to cry as a man dragged you by the arm.

Where are you Simon?

Why didn't you save me?

You didn't feel sorry for me; what about your daughter?

How do we get out of this hell?

...........................More Coming Soon!.................................

[angelkittycore]

not to invite discourse but after i've been on tumblr solely for a few months after leaving twitter i've sorta let go of a lot of things that i was vehemently against and my opinion HAS shifted a bit.

(just saying straight away that you're welcome to engage with me on this topic but i am not seeking to incite arguments, fighting, or heated debate whatsoever and you're not likely to get me to change my mind on this. also if you're going to yell at me for using the term monosexuality please shut up and stay in your lane. if your first thought to reading that word is "bisexuals are being homophobic" then you have a biphobia issue.)

so it's not that bi lesbians/gays don't exist, i think their experiences are very much real. it's just the choice of contradictory labels, and the inherent biphobia, lesbiphobia, and taking self-autonomy from both bisexual men and women by attributing our entire bi rights movement to being a product of terf lesbian separatists, that i have a problem with.

terfs/political lesbians/gold star lesbians did spur an exodus of bisexual women from the umbrella of lesbian, but what came after was all us. and i both feel and think that it was a natural evolution of the communities because bisexuality is more than just women who love women and men, it's also men who love men and women. and nonbinary, abinary, trans, cisn't, gnc, and whatever else. (not to say that the last few aren't also included in monosexuality but i'm talking about bisexuality here.)

attributing the fight for our rights and voices to be heard solely to terfs is ahistorical and insulting. the want to be seen as a whole, valid, separate identity and community than both lesbian and gay has absolutely 0 to do with terfism and similarly aligned political bullshit (such as fascism/white supremacy/plain ol transphobia.)

wanting to go back to lesbian being an umbrella term for all lesbians and bi women feels way too traditionalist and downright conservative (in terms of the literal meaning of the word) for the lgbt/queer community. it's not about challenging cishetalloamatonormativity by simply existing or being unapologetically queer in a word that wants to stamp us out violently in this regard, it's wanting to reclaim a space and label that is no longer theirs because they feel entitled to do so.

to me, lgbt/queer progress is about growing and changing, and adapting to the world, and thriving in spite, and despite it all. and not clinging to relics of the past, however recent or not it was. as some examples, the meaning of asexuality has changed from its original coining. same as bisexual, and pansexual has gone through it's fair share of bullshit as well. why can't and why shouldn't lesbian do the same? however i do not feel that a change backwards is a change for the better.

as an another example, lesbian also used to mean homosexual women exclusively attracted to homosexual women but now it includes every flavor of nonbinary you can think of, who may or may not be women, women aligned, or even feminine at all.

lesbian no longer includes bisexuality under it and that should be okay. lesbian is a monosexual label, and that's okay. you do not experience bisexuality by also being attracted to similar/same genders, regardless of binary or nonbinary umbrella. because bisexuality, inherently, means attraction to similar/same AND opposite/different genders. (note, my descriptions here also includes xenogenders, alternative alignment systems, etc. it's up to the individual if they want to be included in any attraction, including lesbian, gay, bisexual+, and straight. grouping a wider group under lesbian attraction just because they are nonbinary is inventing a trinary and misgendering at worst.)

on the reverse, having a preference, however strong, does not make you a lesbian, or a monosexual gay. you are still experiencing bisexuality, you just have a preference. that is all. not everybody is bisexual, and not everybody is monosexual, and that's okay.

(should also note that comphet doesn't make a lesbian bisexual.. that's comphet.)

anyway tl;dr i think the language, terms, and labels you use you justify your valid experiences is.. not great, to put it politely, lol. i think your insistence that you should be able to call yourself bisexual or a lesbian when you're the other has problems stemming from misunderstanding both labels and attractions, and misunderstanding what exactly nonbinary is. i've also seen definitions of bisexual lesbians that say they are bisexual because they are also attracted to trans women which is.. do i have to say it?

anyway bisexual is not a dirty word or attraction. bi is beautiful, and the convoluted ways people try to get out of identifying as bisexual or solely as bisexual (if they are allo) is internal biphobia, which is not something to celebrate or be proud of. you should work through it.

[phoeebsbuffay]

Imagine you are seduced by Lord Vader, eventually being catapulted into the Dark Force as his empress…

Warnings: smut and fluffy; unburnt Vader.

Recommendations: this is (loosely) based on Cobra Starship's "Good Girls Go Bad."

***

Somehow your innocence survives the fall of Republic and the rise of Empire. You content yourself in adapting from one side to another, the only concern is finding you job.

You are an orphan and lost many of your friends to the war. A deep and overshadowed part of you blames the Jedis for this: had they not been corrupted by their vanity, the Siths would have never come so far.

But this is not something you overthink about it. Life is what it is and all you wanna do is spend your life without finding trouble.

However, trouble inevitable comes to you. The day where you are off to the market, a guard of the Empire stops you by and discovers you have no documents.

“What do you mean?” You ask him, stupefied. “I am registered in the Empire yes. Why, I’m a legal citizen.”

And that’s how it begins. Next thing you see, you spend at least a whole month trying to prove the bureaucrats that you are not a liar or worse, a spy for the rebels.

“Look, all I wanna do is live my life without causing trouble ok?” But then you bluntly add. “By the way, since you have given me so much a headache in the last thirty days, could you give me a job?”

The captain H/N looks at you with disdain at your blunt request. Paradoxically, however, he conceeds you a job. You have to clean the ships.

“All right, if it’s worth good credits, I’m in.”

“Hey, do you wanna a job or not?”

“I still have dignity, my man.”

And there you are. Finding yourself a new job, eh? It’s not that difficult…

***

Vader is watching you, in between bewilderment and perplexity because, apparently, you had no idea who Darth Vader is and why people around the ship fears him so.

His eyes linger in your appearance: your hair is black but with shades in blue and red; your face is oval and your eyes possess some lividness that he’s never seen in anyone before. They are colored blue, the same shade that once colored his.

Vader swallows when noticing that. You stamp innocence and he hates it because some part of you reminds him of his old self. He breathes in, unwillingly to be seen.

He notices your hair is tied in a pony tail, though a few locks come to your forehead. His eyes linger again at the color that paints your lips. Red. Such strange choice.

He then notices your curves, which makes him aroused. Vader hasn’t felt like this for a long time. A sly smirk crosses his lips at the thought of you, completely bared before his eyes, begging for him. Not out of fear, but out of desire.

His breath hitches. He stops watching you for now. For his own sake.

***

It’s Friday night and the corridors of this great grey ship are empty. Your hands are begin to callous as a result of wetting the cloth and rubbing against the window in order to remove the dirt.

Sometimes you wonder if you didn’t deserve more. It’s when a man hidden beneath a dark cape comes close. You don’t pay him much attention until the two of you are engaged in a conversation.

“Feeling unsatisfied with your task?”

His voice gives a hint that he is not a good person, or someone with good vibes, but did you really care? He couldn’t be different from others who came accross you—all of them a victim of your fists.

“Not really”, you tell him. “I am just tired.”

“Wouldn’t you like to find something else to do?”

“Nah. I’m fine with the credits I get. They pay me enough.”

There’s silence. Vader is still baffled by how you do not recognize him at all. Perhaps he should force his signature upon you, but part of him is amused by this.

“Perhaps you should be promoted. You have a lot more guts than many men I know.”

You chuckle softly.

“You are kind, sir. But I’m good with what I have.”

Vader doesn’t like the answer. However, something about you prevents from you suffering a bad destiny. If only you knew…

“I insist. Your dedication should be better paid. It’s Friday night, and yet here we are.”

He steps closer to you. His breathing is slow, patient even. You feel it, you hear it. It gives you chills. Slowly, you turn your head to face his. You look into his yellow eyes. You forget how to breathe.

He is devilishly handsome, pure tentation. Damnation itself. But the barely look makes you wet. Vader feels it and presses you against the wall.

“What’s it I see in you, Y/N?”

How does he know your name? But you find yourself spreading your legs. His hand, methalic, runs over your thighs and rests right in the between them, not forcing any entrance upon it. He makes small circles, smirking as you squirm lightly.

“Fear?“ he whispers. “Do you fear me?”

“No.” You speak bluntly. “Who are you? And what are you doing to me?”

The two of you lock your gazes. You are invited to get to know him, just as the same he is to you. Usually, you are not the one to give in so easily but his power is alluring.

He presses your body against the wall. His hand slowly unzips your pants. You find yourself barely breathing again, butterflies going on your stomach. You don’t realize you are in silence until your mouth parts and you moan loudly. Because he inserts his hand on you.

“Hmm. The power I have over you is alluring.” He smirks at you, sensing his own arousal pulling against his leather pants. “Corrupting you has made me greedy.”

He whispers against your ear as he stimulates you. He knows you are a damsel in every single meaning of the word, hence why he said what he said. You used to think you’d have no interest in men or anything related to intercourse because wars took away any hopes you had of forming a family. But now as you are about to come so uneasily, you find out this stranger you desire has taken away your repressed feelings.

“Come to me, Y/N.”

And you did. Willingly so. It is when you recognize him. His hard features are softened when his lips look for yours. As you kiss him, you come to know this is not anyone. It’s Anakin Skywalker, the chosen Jedi who descended into darkness. And you just fell for him.

***

But you wake up panting. How can this be a dream? No. No. But you feel yourself wet, your nipples hard. Damned you are.

You decide to have a cold shower. It helps you to let go of that strange dream. You dress yourself for the job, going earlier than usual. Its 5 in the morning when you get there.

“Y/N”, the captain of the guards is surprised to see you. “A bit early don’t you think?”

“Keeping my mind and my body occupied is a good way to myself defy”, you smile as he chuckles at you. You do enjoy making people laugh. “It is what it is.”

And you walk in. You are about to begin your day, however, when you sense that breathing. The very same one of your dreams. Oh fuck. You pitch yourself. You are not dreaming.

The figure in dark cape steps into your direction. You can’t see his face, though weirdly enough you are familiar with him.

“Y/N”, he greets you. “You are early today.”

“How’d you know that?” You hear yourself saying.

Lord Vader chuckles.

“I’m a very observing individual, attentive to details.”

You swallow and lower your eyes. He moves closer, eyeing you intently. You feel exposed under his linger gaze. Especially when he says:

“I hope you’ve slept well”, earning you a blush.

You try to excuse yourself from him. But Vader does not let you. Instead he asks you a deadly question:

“Is this what you want? To be a cleaner all your life? You have ambitions, Y/N. Why don’t you bring them to me?”

Vader is entertained by the mix of your fear and defiance that conflict you. He tempts you, and you know it. But so far you resist it. This is only the beginning. The game is not over yet. So he leaves you free for your work. So far.

***

The next day, he visits you again. You somehow expect that… and somehow there is a part of you who is eager to see him. You wonder whether you’ll ever see him in trouble, an idea you are only entertaining when he steps inside the room you are cleaning.

“I am not one easily into trouble so I am rescued, Y/N.” So says Vader, but you detect an amusement in his voice.

You turn at him, emboldened as you say:

“Looks to me you want to be rescued from yourself. Otherwise why’d you be here?”

You test yourself and as Vader uses the Force to grip around your neck, thus impending the air going through it, you gasp. But somehow you don’t fear him. You hate his actions. This misleads Vader into thinking you are prompted to darkness. Perhaps you are, or perhaps you are more complex than you think.

The next thing you know he presses you again the wall. You dare to remove his cape and you gasp in surprise when seeing his handsome features. Vader laughs at your surprise.

“What? You were expecting differently?”

“Yes, my lord.”

How can you feel so bold before a man who inspires fear and hate everywhere? Yet, you know there’s more than this. But your thoughts are interrupted when you find yourself caressing his cheeks before moving down to his neck.

“I was a man once”, Vader confides you, mesmerized by your beauty and boldness. You don’t know what you are doing by locking gazes with him, but damn you enjoy it.

Your hand slips right to his pants. You are tired of playing this game, and you put your hand right into it. Vader’s breath hitches—the only sign that tells you he’s enjoying.

“You are more than a man”, you tell him, your voice melting with pleasure when holding his erect member for the first time.

How weird this connection between the two of you. His eyes never leave yours and you feel your body reacting to him almost instinctively.

“Down.” He commands you. “On your knees, Y/N.”

And you obey. You wait for his orders, you are but his subject. Vader smirks as he overpowers you. And you ever so eager to please him do not take any more time than using your mouth to do so.

He watches as he corrupts you, a sensation that only highlights the pleasure you give him. He feels you, not physically but mentally as well. It’s been a while he’s been so captured by someone…

Vader pushes away this thought out of his mind. I am in control here. The goodness in her will disappear.

He forgets about it when he reaches the climax and you swallow the warm seed that goes right into your throat. You feel hypnotized. But in fact because you’ve never felt desired before gives you a new empowerment feeling.

“Be mine”, you don’t ask him. You command him.

Vader smirks.

There change is coming. He knows it, he feels it. Right there where both of you are, he removes your clothes. Vader watches aroused as you feel so comfortable in your skin, spreading your legs at him.

Fuck. He’s trapped in you.

And you know it well because you smirk at him. You take his hand and place over your neck. There’s little need for words. He complies to you. He steps forward and lifts both legs around his waste all the while he kisses your neck. A smirk twitches in the corner of his lips as you respond him eagerly.

His lips burn your skin all the while his fingers run right into the between of your legs. You react like he expects you to: noisy and melting. It does not take much of a time before he begins the act of fornication.

“You are mine”, somehow it is ironic how his sense of possessiveness appeases his dark side. Breaking the hypnotic sensation that envolves both of you, you realize the complexity of Vader’s character.

It softs your heart. It makes him human before his eyes. All these games you both have been playing show a deeper meaning that goes beyond the temptation of corrupting your soul.

“I am, my lord.” You tell him gleefully. “I am indeed. As you are mine

You beam when his lips clash into yours. You are surprised to feel his gentleness in thrusting you, aware this is your first time. How he claims you is far from what you imagined. It’s even better.

“My empress”, he whispers against your lips.

He knows he wins the game, but as your moans echo loudly in that room, Vader also knows he lost. He may have brought you to his side, the dark side, but you are also the one who rescued him from the depths of his darkness.

***

“All hail Y/N!” You smirk when being introduced by all those men. Dressed in a long black dress with few details in red, your hair is braided and you feel yourself every inch the empress you are.

With Palpatine gone, the empire is your husband’s. And yours.

The taste for power is like a poison. You enjoy it even though it’s deadly. But somehow… you remain good. Not entirely bad.

When looking back at Vader, you feel the designs of your hearts have been aligned all the time. You step to where he is after your coronation ends and kiss his lips.

“I love you, my darling.”

In moments like these, he’s vulnerable and gentle. Not the cruel tyrant the circumstances force him to be. He smiles at you.

“And I, you.”

The two of you lock loving gazes before he engulfs you in his embrace, possessive as always. Possessive like you want him to be. Possessive…just exactly like you are.

And you both smile to each other because you know it.

[baiwu-jinji]

do you think season 2 of the tgcf donghua will ever be released? (btw thank you so much for all your really insightful thoughts and translations!!)

Hi! Thank you for your kind words! I honestly don’t know and there’s no news from the tgcf donghua production team yet. But as we often say nowadays, no news is the best news; maybe it’s best for the donghua production team to lie low atm, and maybe they’ll be able to slip under the censorship radar…

Before I go on with this answer, I’d like to say sorry about all the doom and gloom on my blog lately, I realize that China isn’t the only country in trouble. What I’m about to say will be more of that doom and gloom so skip it if you want guys :)

There’s a reason why censorship is getting stricter on all fronts recently in China, and I’ll very briefly explain. Right now the Chinese economy is collapsing, the local governments are going bankrupt, there’s increasing social unrest, and all this is happening while Xi Jinping is seeking his third term as president, but Xi is meeting resistance within the party so there’s a lot of infighting going on atm in the higher circles of the CCP. While the whole country is in chaos, the government finds it all the more necessary to maintain social stability so they double down on the crackdown on anything that’s too distracting or anyone who’s too loud, and the entertainment industry is one of the main targets.

I think a lot of you already know that some Chinese fans are boycotting the tgcf audio drama (I explained it here). Well they got what they want because the first episode of the audio drama suddenly got taken down and the airing of the second episode is postponed because of “technical issues”. As people pointed out on Weibo, what we’re worried about is that the real reason for the postponement might be that the audio drama is running into troubles with censorship. I actually saw some fans who hate the audio drama on Weibo celebrating this, and to me it’s just profoundly sad. It’s like they’re passengers on a sinking ship but they aren’t aware of it at all, instead they’re busy celebrating one of the chefs who cooks bad food at the ship’s canteen getting sacked. A lot of mxtx fans in the Chinese fandom are really young and I don’t think they realize the seriousness of the situation.

Anyway it’s really frustrating because we have a lot of talent in the entertainment industry and the Chinese entertainment industry could be flourishing, but it’s being stamped out by the government. The only thing we can do right now is to support the authors and creators. So if you want, go support the danmei writers on JJWXC and the manhua/donghua/audio drama/live action adaptations that have already come out.

[oneshotnewbie]

Loves the story about being Amelia younger sister. Can this came to my mind could you pretty please make this a reality lol. So the reader is Amelia and dereks younger sister ( obviously lol) and she gets sick. But she doesn’t want them to know because they will overreact. So without her telling them that she is sick she ends up getting worse and ends up in the hospital, just for Amelia and Derek to find out . Does that make sense. This came to me late at night lol. Thank you:)

For a few days your well being in your body had been lost. From an initial exhaustion and fatigue, for which you had perceived stress as the main cause to slightly stinging in the chest and body aches that you only stamped as tiredness of the last week, there was a lot going at university; lectures until late in the evening, answering 80 quiz questions daily on top of your homework so that you don't forget what you have learned and the tests you had to write in what felt like every subject you could possibly have.

It was almost midnight when you started to finish up your work. You were the only one in this house, at least you thought so, who was still awake to do things that had no time to be postponed.

"You look pale," did you hear your sisters voice and startled for a second out of shock before you looked at the clock for the 10th time this minute and slowly began to collect the papers and pens from the brown coffee table."Is everything okay?"

You just nodded a 'yes', not even bothering to talk out of feeling sick, and got up from your chair to pile up the papers in the back of the table when a wave of dizziness caught up with you and you used your hands to support yourself. "Just totally stressed." you mumbled as you felt a worrying glance and a hand on your back.

Slowly your vision returned to normal, you picked up your things into your arms and turned to Amelia who was standing right behind you. With an attempted smile, you squeezed past her and walked up the stairs. "I'm good."

Before you went to bed, you stole a pill from the bathroom cabinet and disappeared. -It is just a little cold- you thought.

---

"Y/N Shepard, 22 years young." the paramedic called as soon as the doors were opened from the ambulance and he pulled out the stretcher and got out himself. "According to first responders, she passed out while she was about to order a coffee.. Mild sinus tachycardia, blood pressure is low. Temperature is 102,38°F"

You became conscious before the ambulance arrived, but the people around you didn't agree to let you go and wanted to have you examined and now you were here, the attempt to escape from the mess was unsuccessful.

A little confused, you looked around and saw the faces of Owen and Meredith. Almost immediately, before the blonde could even say something, you cut her out. "Don't tell Amy and Derek."

She stroked your hair and looked at you confused and worried. She didn't understood why you wanted to keep your ambulance arrival a secret from your siblings. Even if she had a medical confidentiality obligation towards her patients, she had to tell her sister in law and husband. They were your family.

She nodded to Owen and he understood immediately that he should beep both of them on their pagers. As soon as he disappeared, Meredith pushed you into one of the examination rooms and started to look you up and down.

"Why don't you want the two of them to know?" she asked cautiously while placing some adhesive stickers on your chest and hanging you on a machine. "You know exactly how they are as soon as I am sick. Overprotective - and that is annoying. I am not a little kid anymore."

She stopped moving and looked at you. Her hands found their way onto your shoulder and squeezed them once just before she sat down in front of you and looked deep into your eyes. "They are your siblings, Y/N. Be glad that you have someone who cares about you."

She stopped for a short time and looked at your heart rate on the monitor before turning to you a little worried, adapting a blood pressure cuff on your arm, waiting for the results to show up on her chart. "You have cardiac arrhythmia. Have you had a cold lately?"

"No, I've just been pretty tired and exhausted. I also had a slight sting in my chest once in a while but thought it came from my stomach; I haven't been eating particularly well lately."

---

"What were you thinking by not telling us that you are not feeling well? You don't have three doctors at your home around the clock for nothing!" said Derek a little louder, his face flashed red like a tomato.

When he got the news, he immediately ran down to the emergency room, fearing the worst. He was pissed of when he saw you lying there and he was even angrier when he had to hear every information from Meredith that she had found out and what she suspected. "And that's exactly why I didn't want you to know. You always overdo it!"

"Y/N, heart muscle inflammation is not a joke! If you had carried off the crap and hadn't passed out in the cafe, it could all have been worse than just a few needle sticks and a comfortable hospital bed!" he shouted in disbelief as his hands clenched into a fist and the knuckles were already turning white at the strength of his nervousness which he underpinned by pacing back and forth in front of your bed.

He didn't understand how you wanted to become a doctor but couldn't listen to your own body. It was impossible for him to understand how you could let it get this far. Derek asked for an answer, but you didn't feel like arguing with him anymore so you just stood silent; you were too tired and exhausted to continue this discussion.

You knew it was a fatal mistake, but you couldn't change and jump back in time either.

Just before Derek wanted to let his anger run free again, Amelia, who had previously been quiet, had stood in front of him and gave him an urgent look and some slight knocks on his now crossed arms. "You go now and calm down. The shouting doesn't help anyone here and I don't think the whole hospital has to know our family issues." he bit his lip and looked between you and your sister before he disappeared, but not without slamming the door behind him.

Startled, you let yourself fall back on the pillow, put your arm over your forehead and closed your eyes. You knew you messed up big time. "I'm sorry, Amelia."

"You should have told us, then you might not be here and have to stay for observation." she said calmly, unlike your brother and started moving towards the side of your bed where Amelia sat down on the chair that was already standing next to it and gently stroked the back of your head.

Amelia understood why you hadn't said anything, she had gone through the same with him too. But on the other hand, she could understand Derek. It also hurt her that you hadn't mentioned anything and that you didn't let her help you. "From now on, no more secrets, understand? I don't want to have this horrible feeling in my stomach when I get a message like that ever again. When you are in pain then let one of us know, regardless of whether you think it is a cramped muscle or not."

"You are so over caring." you said annoyed and rolled your eyes.

You knew it was in their nature to react like that, but as a young adult you couldn't understand that exactly this small gesture showed how important you were to a person. You just found it annoying.

"At some point in your life, you will think back to that moment and judge it completely different. Maybe we are far too caring now, later you will perhaps be grateful to us for it and understand why we do this." she sighed.

"We do this because we love you and we don't ever want to lose you."

[crinkle-eyed-boo]

I was tagged by @disgruntledkittenface and @laynefaire to share five fics of mine that I really like. Thank you!!! I was telling Maggie that I had been hesitant to do this meme since I really only have...five fics when you exclude time stamps folded into series, but then SHE was like “You always have things to say about them, so why SHOULDN’T you do it?” And you know what? She’s right. So here you go. My five fics.  

Own the Scars (144K)

Louis has never felt like he was good enough: for his stepdad, for his life-long best friend, for the life he's supposed to want. After an accident that nearly costs him his life, Louis' parents send him to rehab where he’s forced to face his demons. On the long and difficult road to recovery, Louis must confront the truths he’s been avoiding about his future, his relationships, and his sense of self-worth. Because before he can love anyone else, he’s got to learn how to love himself first.

Looking back, I can’t believe I had the guts to post THIS after being a lurker in the fandom for years, both because of the length and the subject matter. Rehab! Tomlinshaw! Slow burn Larry! It was GUTSY. I had only JUST started actively interacting with the fandom in the six months before I published. Absolutely no one knew me. I was incredibly lucky to meet people who had bigger followings when I went to Harry’s show at the Ryman and they boosted my fic posts and got the story out there. None of them are overly active in the fandom still, but they eternally have my gratitude. I posted this one in CHUNKS, if you can believe it. I did it to try and organically build an audience for the fic, and of course, for the drama. 

Finally, this fic wouldn’t exist if Maggie hadn’t said “Yes” when I asked her if she thought I could turn this screenplay I had written back in college into a Larry fic. Thank you for showing me how to write in the present tense, Marshmallow. I never want to write without you. 

There’s Such a Lot of World to See (125K) 

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?” Harry asks, thumbing at Louis’ hip. “Like what?” Louis asks breathlessly. “Like you’ve seen a ghost or summat,” Harry muses. “You did it all the time the other day and you did it just now.” Louis swallows hard, studying him intently. “You remind me of someone,” Louis says softly, tucking a curl behind Harry’s ear. “Someone I lost.”

Louis has seen a great many things throughout his travels in time and space, but only one he can’t explain: He keeps meeting the same boy, who says the same thing to him each time. The boy should be impossible.

Maybe he is.

A love story that defies the boundaries of space and time. Doctor Who AU.

To this day, I can’t believe I wrote this in six months, right after publishing OTS. For me, this one is the very definition of writing the fic YOU want to read. I adore this fic. I re-read it recently and CRIED even though I fucking wrote it. Doctor!Louis is probably my favorite Louis I’ve ever written. I am forever proud of all the action scenes and how alive they feel. Louis literally coming regeneration energy in the smut scene is something I consider part of my writing legacy. I know this one requires a big buy-in right away, but I’ve been so proud of how many non-Doctor Who fans have taken a chance on this one. Here I am, once again, begging you to give this one a shot if you haven’t. 

Let Our Hearts Collide (76K)

When Harry, a lonely transit worker, saves the life of the handsome commuter he's been secretly pining for, an innocent mistake results in Liam Payne's family believing that Harry is engaged to their son. In the Paynes, Harry finds the big family he's always longed for...and a love he never saw coming.

A While You Were Sleeping AU

I think my favorite thing about adaptation is that you get to dig deeper on themes that already exist in the movie/TV show but the script doesn’t allow time to fully explore them. While You Were Sleeping is not just a love story, it’s a story about finding your family and Let Our Hearts Collide became a story about pulling yourself up out of the darkest of times. I’ll always be grateful for the amount of emotional labor Maggie put into this one as we explored Harry’s sense of grief and loneliness. This one taught ME a lot, and this Harry is 100% my favorite Harry I’ve ever written. 

No Bunny But You (13K) 

“So you saw the bunnies then?” Harry clarifies, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Yeah, those were a bit of a surprise,” Liam huffs. “I mean, they definitely weren’t part of what we commissioned from him, but they’re kind of cute, right?” Harry sputters a laugh. “What?” Liam asks, the furrow in his brow deepening. “They are cute little bunnies!” “Cute little bunnies that are fucking,” Harry snickers. “What?” Liam gasps. “Liam,” Harry says, trying to school his face into a serious expression. “Those bunnies are fucking.”

A slow Monday night behind the bar turns into something else entirely thanks to a new mural and a new customer.

I was SO BLOCKED after finishing Let Our Hearts Collide until I saw this mural on the bar around the corner from my office at the time and the fic practically wrote itself. It’s fun, it’s sexy, and I still can’t believe Harry liked it so much he designed all of his tour merch around it. ;-) 

Mine Would Be You (114K) 

Louis returns to New York City five years after he left it – and the love of his life – behind. He didn't intend to see Harry again, but fate has a funny way of pulling them together, whether they like it or not. After making a begrudging truce, they both start to wonder: Would it be so bad if history repeated itself?

There’s not much to say about this one that I haven’t said before. Mine Would Be You was a true labor of love, and it taught me that if you have a story to tell, it will make its way out of you eventually. I came up with the concept in my mid 20s but think I wasn’t ready to write this one until I had lived a little bit more, had my heart broken a little (a lot) more, and come to terms with my own artistic journey, as someone who always dreamed of making it as an actor, and as someone who gave up that dream because that’s how life goes sometimes. It’s a story I couldn’t have written without making peace with my 25 year old self. It’s a story that I could not have written without the lessons I had learned from all the stories I had written before it. It’s a story that, in my heart of hearts, I believe ended up manifesting my current job. Sometimes, I still feel like I’m recovering from writing this one, 2 years later. I gave everything I have to this fic, and I’m just so fucking grateful that it comes through on the page. 

Who hasn’t done this already? @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @greenfeelings @absoloutenonsense​ @twopoppies​ @indiaalphawhiskey​ sorry if you have and I just haven’t seen it! 

[camcorderrevival]

i still havent watched any of the mike flanagan movies but ive heard a lot of stuff about how hes doing a bad job at adapting classics... as someone who isnt familiar with the source material, what do u think is the biggest issue with his adaptations?

I've only watched his adaptation of THoHH so it's a sort of limited viewpoint.

But my big issue with that production, and others big issue from what I've seen, is that it's so far removed from the source material that there's no point in calling it an adaptation. It essentially just takes a few character names and the name of the house and then proceeds to tell a completely different story. I wouldn't even call it fanfic-adjacent because he doesn't appear to like the book enough to do it justice.

Everything that makes Hill House horror, everything that makes it a brilliant novel is stripped back and thrown away. The novel sort of hinges on the unanswered, some of the closing lines are: "In the unending, crashing second before the car hurled into the tree she thought clearly, Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Why don’t they stop me?" And that's where I find the horror comes from, there's no closure for the characters, Nell dies and that's it, they go home with no mention of what they saw.

The supernatural in Jackson's novel also goes unanswered. Most events are just suggested, with no clear explanation being given to them. Whether what happens is due to ghosts or something else is largely up for debate. Flanagan's adaptation just stamps in some ghosts and calls it a day. There's little to no engagement with the novel's use of the unknown.

Flanagan's adaptation shies away from so many of the novel's key aspects, so alongside ditching most of plot, he also disregards everything impactful about Jackson's writing.

Jackson's novel asks the question: what's wrong with Nell?, and then proceeds to leave it up in the air, no one knows whats wrong with Nell, whether she's a victim of torment or possession or whether she's just ill, why she's doing this, the characters don't find out. Flanagan essentially answers: ghosts. And then proceeds to give a family (that doesn't exist in the book) closure that, for me, detracts from the horror of the events they go through.

Also, on that note about the family, the weird change in dynamic does him no favours in my eyes, the book centres around a group of strangers, they build their relationships over the story's course, pushed together by the happenings within the house. Nell and Theodora particularly suffer in the sense that their relationship in the book can be read as one of mutual attraction. Again from the closing scenes of the book "I thought you weren’t going to say good-by to me,” she said. “Oh, Nellie, my Nell—be happy; please be happy. Don’t really forget me; someday things really will be all right again, and you’ll write me letters and I’ll answer and we’ll visit each other and we’ll have fun talking over the crazy things we did and saw and heard in Hill House—oh, Nellie! I thought you weren’t going to say good-by to me.”

This is a kind of messy explanation but what I'm saying is that they're not really adaptations, and framing them as such is almost insulting to the source materials. I've seen other peoples critiques that centre more on technical aspects but I don't study film so I'm sort of limited in that aspect.

[jayeray-twst]

How He Shows You Affection: Cater Diamond

Warnings: None all fluff!

He Takes Pictures of You

“Say strawberry!” Cater ordered with a toothy grin, as he snagged you around the waist and pulled you close, pressing your cheeks together with his arm extended out, holding his phone.

Several months of dating meant you were now quick enough on the draw to smile at the camera for the first snap of the shutter and were even quicker to turn your face to the side, pressing an affectionate kiss to your boyfriend’s cheek before he managed to hit the button again.

“Babe!” he whined a playful lilt to his voice that probably would’ve fooled most, but you saw right through it to the faint blush on his cheeks and the warm look in his eyes.

Cater always got a little flustered when you did little things like that to catch him off guard, which was only fair in your opinion considering how much he did it to you. Your boyfriend had enjoyed flustering you, and gone out of his way to tease, and flirt just to see if he could.

“Let me see?” you asked, making grabby hands at his phone. He immediately passed it over without complaint, pulling you into his arms and resting his chin on your shoulder so he could see the screen too as you looked at the photos he’d taken.

The first was pretty cute, with wide beaming smiles on both your faces, but the second one definitely stole the show. As per usual, even when caught off guard Cater managed to take the picture at the perfect moment, just as your lips brushed his cheek. His eyes were wide with surprise and there was the beginnings of a blush on his cheeks.

“Cute,” you cooed, pleased with the way it had come out, “You going to post that on MagiCam?”

“You know me so well,” he teased, giving you an affectionate squeeze around the middle before accepting his phone back, “We really take the best pictures together babe!”

“If you say so,” you told him lightly.

“I do say so!” he informed you, one hand still holding you to him as his clever fingers tapped away at the screen of his phone one handed, “You’re so photogenic it should be against the rules!”

You huffed in affectionate amusement. Honestly you were pretty sure the only reason you came out looking half so good in all the photos Cater took of the two of you was because he had an eye for it. Cater’s ability with a camera was exemplary, enough to put professionals to shame in your own opinion and frankly you were more than a little flattered that his favorite subject seemed to be you.

His timeline on MagiCam was full to the bursting of pictures of you, doing everything and anything under the sun, almost all of them candid or taken with only a split second’s notice and yet somehow you looked good in all of them. Not only that, but all the pictures were tagged with flattering words about how amazing you looked and how blessed he was to have you and to be your boyfriend.

Looking at it never failed to make you feel warm inside. MagiCam was a huge part of Cater’s life, and when it came to his content you were front and center. It was like his entire timeline was a testament, his own unspoken way of showing his devotion to you more eloquent than any words could ever be. After all if a picture was worth a thousand words than Cater had written entire epochs on how much he adored you.

“Alright all uploaded!” he cheered, pulling you from your fond thoughts and twirling you around in his arms with a bright laugh, “Now that, that’s done we should probably go check up on the A-Deuce combo. They’re supposed to be painting the roses, but knowing the two of them…”

You laughed in agreement and let him drag you off to go check on Heartslabyul’s two most troublesome first years, feeling immensely fond of your boyfriend.

Later when you were scrolling through your own social media you weren’t surprised to find the picture of the two of you from earlier beaming smiles at the camera, tagged with mushy cute things like #loveofmylife, #smilebabe, #aren’twecute?. However the picture of you kissing his cheek was missing.

You fully intended to ask him about it the next day, right up until you caught sight of his phone again. The picture was there both in his background and as his lock screen staring you in the face. You honestly couldn’t do anything in the face of that besides melt and give your sweet boyfriend an affectionate kiss, feeling completely and utterly adored.

He Tells You (And Only You)

Cater was the kind of guy who flirted with everyone, so at times it could be hard to take his words seriously. Compliments like beautiful, wonderful, and precious were a dime a dozen, and not limited to just you either. His whole personality seemed to be exuberant, extroverted and friendly, the kind of guy who had friends everywhere because he had no trouble making friends. He felt almost unreal with how perfect he was.

There were times, especially at the beginning of your relationship that it had made you incredibly insecure. Cater was popular, both through MagiCam and just in general, and you had no idea why he’d want to be with you of all people when it seemed like he could have anyone he wanted. In the face of your worries his words almost felt insincere, shallow and hollow, as if he didn’t really mean them because he said them to everyone he met.

However, the longer you were with him the more you realized something incredibly important. Despite the compliments that fell from his lips at the drop of a hat Cater never, ever used the word love. Sure there was an implication of love, as he said things like “I adore this’ or ‘I’m wild about that’. He said ‘I’m captivated’ or ‘I’m infatuated’ or ‘I’m enthralled’ but never ever ‘I’m in love.’

It was like the words were anathema to him, almost as if he couldn’t bring himself to say it at all. It was then you realized, slowly but surely that a lot of the face he showed to the world was a carefully crafted mask. Just as you’d suspected no one could be quite that perfect, happy and friendly all the time.

Cater got frustrated, anxious and annoyed just as anyone else did, he was just much better at hiding it. There was also a pretty vicious side to him, one that could hurl lethal insults wrapped in so many honeyed words that only those who were looking for it or really paying attention to him noticed.

Funnily enough this actually made you relax. It humanized him, and made him seem more relatable rather than the near perfect being he’d seemed before. Once you realized how much he was hiding you carefully did your best be worthy of his trust, so he could have a safe place to rest. After all keeping up a cheerful mask at all times sounded utterly exhausting to you no matter how good he was at it.

Slowly but surely, he’d begun to let his walls down, coming to you when he had a rough day, sitting in silence with you, cuddling with you, enjoying quiet little moments that you once would’ve thought he’d hate. Instead Cater seemed to relish these stolen moments with you, and as you began to truly see each other for who you were rather than the face you both showed the world you finally got to hear it.

Love. A word he admitted he hadn’t quite believed in and so had never bothered to say. A word he felt was trite and meaningless because of how often it was said over every little thing. A word you’d managed to change his mind about, one that was special and intimate and meant only for the two of you.

“I love you,” you murmured to your boyfriend as the two of you lay cuddled together on his bed, curled up and quietly watching movies together on his laptop. It was something you didn’t say nearly as often these days, as you’d slowly adapted to Cater’s way of thinking that saying it about too many things cheapened the meaning in a lot of ways.

“I love you too,” he assured you, equally quiet, his normal exuberance set aside in placed of utmost sincerity, the words so real and rare on his tongue that you had no choice but to believe them.

He’d only ever said them to you, only ever planned to say them to you, a word that was meant for you and you alone, a little piece of his heart with your name stamped clearly in ownership. It was a privilege you savored and treated with the utmost care, it was the very least you could do to prove your own affections for your boyfriend who cared so very much.

He Makes Things For You

“How do I look?” you asked your boyfriend shyly as you emerged from the dressing room.

Normally trying on clothes with Cater was a lot of fun. Even if you didn’t enjoy shopping all that much Cater made it into an experience. He had an extremely good eye for what would look good on someone and what wouldn’t. and put a lot of interesting things together. He was also perceptive enough to know what would make you uncomfortable and what wouldn’t, and work within your comfort zone.

It made him the idea shopping partner, and lots of fun, especially since he was more than happy to try on anything you asked for him as well. Honestly it was a bit unfair just how good Cater looked in pretty much everything. There were a few times you’d purposefully tried to pick silly things and yet, whether it was sheer force of personality or because he was simply that handsome he always seemed to look good. Still it was fun to try, and the two of you always had a good time together, laughing and teasing joyfully, and you almost never left empty handed.

This however was different. Cater had always had an eye for fashion, and had occasionally dabbled in making his own clothing. However, he’d never really taken it all too seriously before, despite the fact that perfectionist Riddle recognized his talent and had let him design the outfits for when they had to dress up for unbirthday parties.

Despite that, it had never occurred to you that Cater might want to try designing something for you. However he’d apparently wanted to do just that, as he’d shyly approached you with the suggestion when you’d complimented some of his work. That in itself had let you know how very important this was to him. Cater was never shy, so the fact that he’d been so hesitant to ask said a lot.

Which was of course why you’d agreed without a moment’s hesitation. Honestly even if he hadn’t been so shy about it you would’ve said yes. Cater knew your style inside and out and you trusted him more than words could say.

Your trust turned out to be well founded, and the outfit he’d made for you was utter perfection. It was done in colors that flattered your skin, eyes and hair, and had a cut that flattered your figure. You weren’t sure you’d ever felt so simultaneously beautiful and comfortable before. You absolutely loved it, you just hoped Cater loved it too.

“You look beautiful,” Cater told you, quick on the mark as ever with a compliment as he hopped up from the couch he’d been waiting on, “But then again you always do.”

You huffed at that, but didn’t protest as he circled around you, holding still so he could view you from all angles.

“Do you like it?” he asked, once he reached your front again, uncharacteristically shy again.

“Cater are you kidding I love it!” you told him fiercely, not willing to let any sort of insecurity stand.

“Pretty sure you’d have to say that even if it was ugly babe,” Cater told you a little wryly.

“I wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings,” you conceded, unwilling to lie, especially when you knew how much Cater valued honesty, but also unwilling to back down, “But in this case I’m definitely not exaggerating! Have you seen me?!”

You twirled in front of him arms spread for emphasis, “I look amazing! I feel amazing which, as you’ve told me, is just as if not more important! If you don’t believe me we can march right over to Pomefiore and get Vil. I’m sure you’d believe him!”

“No need for that,” Cater told you with a huff of amusement, his eyes warm and full of affection as he gently tugged you to him, his warm hands clasping your elbows as he peered into your eyes, “You really do like it babe?”

“I really, really do,” you answered him, with all the sincerity you could muster, “So much so I might just have to wear it every day. I’m not sure my other clothes could ever compare.”

“No need to go that far,” he insisted, though the bright look in his eyes belied the words, “I can always make you more.”

“So long as it doesn’t put you out,” you replied, “I’d love to wear your clothes Cater, anywhere anytime.”

Your boyfriend gave you one of his rare soft smiles, tugging you into his arms and just holding you, clearly grateful for what you’d said. You hugged back, quietly scheming to yourself determined to help Cater realize how talented he was. He deserved it, but in the mean time you would simply savor how much he clearly loved and trusted you, letting you be his first real model. You really couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend than Cater Diamond and you were now even more determined to make sure he knew just how much you adored him in return.

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[daisybeewrites]

July — d.j.

for @dreamcxtcherr ‘s 3k writing challenge. congrats lena!!

word count: 1.8k

warnings: mention of car crash/death, mention of alcohol consumption, daisy cries, i think thats it lmk if not!!

ship: R x daisy johnson

okay y’all… first ever anggstttttt!!! i’m way too excited about it. if you want a fully immersive experience, i recommend listening to july by noah cyrus slowed + reverb

(gif uncredited on pinterest (ugh, i hate that. credit a gif if you use it!! im trying to find the owner)) update — found owner

It was another mission. Another nightmarish fire-fight where you almost lost a limb, almost lost a friend, almost lost your life. Twenty-four hours later and you’re back home, safe.

Well, as safe as you can be when your engagement is on the verge of breaking off.

You stare at the simple ring on your left hand. White gold band, a tiny amethyst set to the left of a diamond. There was a nearly identical one lying next to the sink, the only difference being the switched places of the glittering gems.

You know she didn’t do it purposefully. You had both been exhausted after what was supposed to be an in-and-out mission turned into a hostage situation. Daisy did what she always did as soon as you were home — take off her gauntlets, wash her hands in the sink, grab a snack, and hop into a steaming shower.

But you still can’t stop yourself from staring at it, eyes fixed, hands shaking, breath held and mind racing.

You used to join her. You would wash each other’s hair, ease each other’s sore muscles with delicate touches on tender purple-black bruises. She would lean into you, letting you braid her hair and falling asleep in your arms, drifting into a deep slumber. It was intimate, lovely; it was normal and perfect.

Taking a sip of your room-temperature beer, you slide off the cool granite of the kitchen island. You had a new routine after missions now, you just had to get used to it.

You hear the shower shut off, bare feet pad into your cosy bedroom, and the door shut with a loud creak. The minute squeak of the mattress tells you that Daisy flopped into bed.

A ghost of a smile lights your face. It looks more like a grimace, you think, as you check your distorted reflection in the green glass of your beer bottle. Chucking the empty bottle in the recycling, you run a hand through your dirty, salty hair. The comfy sweats you changed into an hour ago would need to be washed, the dirt still adorning your skin rubbing off on the black material. You exhale before heading down the hall towards the bathroom.

The tiled room is filled with steam, the mirror fogged up so that only a blurry outline of your silhouette could be seen. You are unrecognizable.

How fitting.

The quick, cold shower you take does nothing to ease your mind or body. You wipe the mirror in a circle, taking out a first aid kit.

With all your cuts bandaged and the proper creams Jemma had snuck to you and Daisy applied to your fresh bruises, you headed into the hallway in your towel.

Daisy is standing in the kitchen, lilac lounge shorts you bought her last Christmas showing off her tanned and scarred legs. She looks warm and soft, a very different Daisy than the superhero who had broken a mob boss’ legs just hours before. Her hair is wet and in braids. You frown. You always braid her hair.

If she hears you, she doesn’t turn around, so you take a moment to admire her. Ten seconds, that’s all you give yourself. It was a stressful mission, if you stare too long she might snap. From the back, you can’t see the dark circles you know are there, but you can see the tension in her shoulders and the slight tilt of her head as she ponders what to eat.

You say nothing as you go to the bedroom to change. You find a black pair of SHIELD sweats and an old, holey t-shirt you vaguely remember stealing from Fitz. A presence at the doorway catches your attention.

“Hi,” Daisy says tentatively. Your breath caught in your throat, your lungs holding the air captive until Daisy spoke again.

“I missed you.”

Your eyes widened. Maybe tonight wouldn’t end with one of you on the couch, clutching a six pack while the other cried as quietly as possible, tucked into cold, lonely sheets.

“Braiding my hair, I mean,” She clarified. Her fingers twisted together, rigid posture giving away her nerves.

The air felt humid, as if the open window had suddenly sucked all the AC out and let the mid-summer heat in. Your memory flashes to the last time you and Daisy had a normal, happy conversation.

The edges are fuzzy, but the pure joy in Daisy’s chocolate eyes is clear. Fairy lights strung haphazardly around the living room, a movie playing in the background, your lips on hers. Blankets make a ceiling over your head that shut out the rest of the world, this moment was only for you two. You played with the thin metal band on her ring finger, she ran her hands through her hair. Her matching ring scratched your scalp lightly. You both smile as you pull away. You whisper childhood stories, laugh at the funny parts and offer melancholic smiles at the not-so-lighthearted parts. You were happy.

That night you got the call — Lincoln Campbell, yours and Daisy’s best friend, had wrapped his car around a telephone pole coming off of a long shift at the hospital. His blood alcohol was almost .40.

Eggshells littered the house from the time you got back from the funeral. One wrong word, Daisy would snap and spend hours punching a bag until her fingers bled. You would fill those hours with whatever was closer — wine or your car keys. You pulled yourself out of your head, realizing you should answer her.

“I missed it, too,” You breathed.

Daisy made a small, unintelligible noise before collapsing against the door frame. You froze for only a second, your mind racing through possibilities. Was she bleeding internally? Was it her back again? Did she get shot and not notice until now?

You leap over to her, catching her as she crumbles to the hardwood floor.

A quiet sob wracks her chest. Your hands hover over her slouched back, unsure how to comfort her. At this moment, Daisy feels foreign. Her sudden vulnerability alerts you to how she’s been holding her emotions in for god knows how long.

“Daisy…” You start, hesitantly.

Daisy hiccups loudly, another wave of tears washing over her.

“Tell me to leave, I’ll pack my bags,” Daisy cried, “But I don’t, I-I don’t want to lose you!”

Burning tears gather on your lash line, threatening to fall at her words. You never could stand to see Daisy cry.

Your brows furrow slightly in confusion before you realize what Daisy is talking about. After Lincoln’s death, you two had fought increasingly more often until Daisy locked herself away or spent the night at May’s, and you went for drives until your car ran on empty. On those nights, bottles of wine disappeared from the cabinet without a trace.

Daisy sits up, stamping down her sobs, seemingly resigning herself to the fact that you aren’t going to say anything. Her trembling lip and red eyes pierce your heart. The astronomical distance between you two seems atomic now. You reach out quicker than lightning, shushing her cries and rubbing her back.

“Do you want to go?” You asked after a while. Your knees dig uncomfortably into the floor, your shoulder hurts from the ridges in the doorframe.

Daisy sniffles, her hair falling into her face as she looks away. You crane your neck down, carefully tucking her hair behind her ear.

“You know I’m afraid of change, I guess that’s why we’ve stayed the same,” You sigh, your chest constricting and squeezing the broken glass pieces of your heart.

You take a deep breath, steeling yourself to continue, “But if you want to find a new life, someone who loves you better than I do, darling, I understand.”

Daisy is still frozen, stare burning holes in the floor. You’re glad that the two of you are at home, the poly-tectic adaptive materials hidden between the walls keeping the house from collapsing. By the slight groan of the foundation, you can imagine Daisy could bring down a mountain with the amount of pain she’s in.

Which can only mean one thing.

“I’m not enough,” You stated. It wasn’t a question. You glance down, a glint in the low light cast from the lamp on the bedside table catching your eye. She has her ring on…

Daisy finally, finally shakes her head ‘no’. You let go of a breath, guilt building every second that passes. She isn’t happy. You shouldn’t be happy that she’s staying.

“Feels like a lifetime, we’ve been trying to get by while we’re dying inside,” You say, gently.

Daisy snaps her eyes to yours, a desperation in them you recognize as grief.

“So much of the past year has been consumed by grief. We never took time off, we never talked about it. I’ve done a lot of things wrong, loving you being one,” She whispers.

You nod, there is no denying that you each had a part in getting to where you are now. Delicately, you grab her hand. She squeezes it, a rush of small vibrations traveling up your arm. Your chest flutters at the familiar affection.

“So have I,” You assure her. She gradually falls towards you, exhausted. You let her rest her head on your shoulder, her breath evening out as her arms wrap around you. You feel hot tears flow down your face, fall onto her hair. Slowly, you pull Daisy closer to you.

Hours later, the sun peeks over the top of the mountain range in the distance. You had adjusted the two of you sometime around two a.m., no longer able to feel your legs from how the floor cut off your circulation.

Sometime around three, you had gathered the courage to move Daisy to the bed, trying hard not to wake her. She had only turned over and not let go of your hand.

You haven’t slept at all tonight, thoughts spinning until you force yourself to pause and count to ten, only to repeat the pattern.

You know what you have to do. You know what’s best for the both of you. You’ll leave, pack your bags and find a place to stay until you can scrape up enough money to rent an apartment. You’ll go to therapy, learn to live without Lincoln, without Daisy. Eventually, Daisy will heal, too. You both have the team at your backs, no matter what happens. She would be okay.

But you know you won’t. The fear of losing Daisy, of losing your life, your home, yourself stops you. You can’t move on. You can’t move forward.

You know that the big changes it takes to heal could cost you Daisy. So, you stay the same. You give into fear. You’ll never be enough, never love Daisy right, never quite heal fully — and neither will Daisy. But you still stay.

You’ll always stay the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ahhhh how was it? did you love it? any feedback? want more? put any thoughts/feelings/questions/concerns in the comments or my ask box!! i really enjoyed writing this and i hope you enjoyed reading it even more!!

<<3

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

Trauma Bonding

(The writer here refers to an ex but this applies to familial relationships as well.)

You may feel pretty crazy over there in your trauma bonded trance for someone who mistreated you, but know there are people actually eating dirt out there and making more sense than some of the well-meaning advice I heard while I was getting over various forms of heartbreak.

We are told to stop fixating, face the fear of moving on, focus on yourself, and that time heals all wounds. When in fact, the symptoms of a traumatic reaction to a trauma bond make these very things feel nearly impossible.

What’s more, when taken in the context of trauma bonding, prolonged grief over the loss of a relationship is far from irrational, even when that relationship was a toxic one. If you feel more stunned and immobilized as time wears on, this is the reaction of your organism actually working to protect you from a perceived, ongoing threat.

You are not “crazy”.

Your body’s physiological state is just trying to communicate with you in a way that you may not quite understand yet.

There are people all over the world who experience cravings for dirt or clay. This is called geophagy and clearly sounds so insane that people feel ashamed to admit their cravings. Yet research has found that these cravings may indicate a lack in bodily mineral content or may function as the body’s protective response to pathogens in pregnant women or children. The content of dirt or clay may serve as a protective barrier in the stomach.

What may FEEL mentally and physiologically irrational, actually makes sense. This does not mean that anemic people should make themselves a nice dirt snack with their coffee this afternoon. It does mean that feeling estranged, ashamed, and ignoring the REALITY of the craving, without looking further into what it indicates, will never resolve their organism’s unmet need.

What is trauma bonding?

I only started to understand trauma bonding when I stopped feeling ashamed and started trusting my body’s own physiological messengers.

Breaking a trauma bond can feel agonizing. What’s the point of trying to accept the reality of a toxic relationship, go no contact, and try to move on with your life when you only feel worse as time wears on?

Breaking a trauma bond comes with intense withdrawal symptoms, flashbacks, cravings for the toxic person, compulsive thoughts about what happened, and an anxious state that may make you feel like you are going backward, without abate.

This is going to sound counterintuitive at first, but these very symptoms are confirmation that staying away from the toxic relationship is absolutely imperative to your health. This is because trauma resides as a physiological response to a perceived threat. Your organism knows and reacts, at the core, gut, and instinctual level, when a person or situation is harmful.

And while you may be fully consciously aware NOW that you are no longer in the relationship, your body is still registering an ongoing threat. This is manifesting in symptoms that certainly make you feel like you are going “crazy” — or maybe even make you feel as if you were never meant to stay away in the first place.

But all this DOES NOT mean that your body is trying to indicate to you that you are forever cosmically tied to that dirtbag who mistreated you, used you, and broke your heart. It means that the trauma that may have occurred before the relationship, during the relationship, and when the relationship ended, continues to live inside of you. It continues to live as a memory and echo that has no orientation to time and place.

You are feeling this way because, physiologically, you still don’t feel safe.

You will NOT be the person who longs for the person who mistreated you forever. But it’s going to be hard to get there if your strategy is to grit your teeth, brace yourself, and steel even more energy in trying to fight your body’s frantic physiological responses to the trauma in the trauma bond, through sheer will, when you are already frozen in emergency mode.

Stay with me. I’ll explain.

We look into trauma bonding as a way to explain, romanticize, and decode the characteristics of a relationship that feels or once felt so precious.

Here’s the gut-punch that usually gets lost —when you’re in a trauma bond, and the bond “breaks,” the trauma remains.

If you’re a cookie in an Oreo and the other cookie leaves, guess who is stuck with what seems like even more trauma filling than you started with?

This “trauma filling” can help to explain why your mind, body, and soul are registering a frenetic, obsessive, red level, emergency breaker craving for a toxic ex, toxic relationship, or situation.

The Trauma Bond

The reason for this hyper-aroused-anxiety-trance lies in some part to the nature of trauma bonding itself. Trauma bonds are formed when your organism registers that you are in danger.

According to “The Betrayal Bond,” a book written by Patrick Carnes, who developed this concept, “trauma bonds are the dysfunctional attachments that occur in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation. Trauma bonds occur when we are bonding to the very person who is the source of danger, fear, and exploitation.” They involve seduction, betrayal, and high intensity.

They also involve a seemingly endless sense of helplessness and hopelessness. Carnes wrote, “This type of bonding does not facilitate recovery and resilience but rather undermines those very qualities within us.”

Throughout the relationship, your organism assessed the threat and continuously mobilized energy for you to fight or flee. Yet the trauma in trauma bonding creates a cyclical, repetitive cycle that contains your ability to protect yourself, trust yourself, feel your body’s physiological reactions or evolve out of your current state, even when your partner is gone.

Instead of fighting or fleeing, you remain frozen and clinging with an “insane level of loyalty, to an impossible, unresolvable, toxic, overwhelming, or cosmically doomed bond.” A person chained to this type of bond “disbelieves the obvious and accepts the impossible.”

The following are some signs of trauma bonding, which I’ve adapted from Carnes:

• When you continue to be fixated on people who hurt you and who are no longer in your life.

• When you crave contact with someone who has hurt you and who you know will cause you more pain.

• When you continue to revolve around people who you know are taking advantage of you or exploiting you.

• When you are committed to remaining loyal to someone who has betrayed you, even though their actions indicate few signs of change.

• When you are desperate to be understood, validated, or needed by those who have indicated they do not care about you.

• When you go to great lengths to continue to help, caretake, or consider people who have been destructive to you.

These types of relationships capitalize on old wounds and previous traumas.

As a bigger and separate topic, there are a lot of reasons for why we may be vulnerable to trauma bonding, to begin with, including a deep desire to heal a prior hurt. We do this by subconsciously recreating the prior situation, down to the very exploitative, dangerous, or shameful elements that existed in the prior trauma. Down to the type of toxic, emotionally unavailable, or developmentally stunted person in the prior situation.

The reasons why we get into these types of bonds, the reasons we stay, and the reasons why we can’t let them go are interrelated, and at least one thing remains the same: our body stores these memories physiologically, without a time or date stamp. The memories can make us feel like we are in an endless cycle of trauma and pain, with or without the relationship.

The Trauma

Trauma is a big concept, that lives on much developing academic ground. I’m no expert, and what I’m saying is informed by the work of trauma researchers Peter Levine, Bessel van der Kolk, and Patrick Carnes, but this is simply my interpretation.

Viewing your seemingly irrational reactions to heartbreak through a trauma-informed lens will reduce some part of the shame that comes with continuing to live in a body that is suspended in a hyper-aroused and frenetic state long after we are told that we should be over a relationship or situation.

There are different kinds of trauma. Some are the types of trauma we are typically aware of —responses to natural disasters, war, abuse, genocide, and other atrocities. We associate those traumas with the development of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which has helped to explain how victims survive in dire circumstances, including why the victims end up turning against themselves and becoming loyal to the abuser, as in the case of Stockholm Syndrome.

Understanding trauma begins when you remove judgment from the equation about the degree of atrocity that must exist in order to define trauma as trauma. There are other aspects of trauma, such as those that involve the body’s response to betrayal, childhood experiences, and interpersonal relationship trauma. A traumatic reaction is a completely subjective thing. There are more possible situations/origins of trauma than there are people.

Trauma lives inside the body as a physiological state. It will be easier to become aware of the manifestation of this state and to give it credibility if you realize that trauma can occur in the absence of abusers, victimizers, and overtly dire situations. You can have a traumatic reaction to anything or anyone that your body perceives as a threat, including a break in attachment with even the most well-meaning, non-intentionally insidious, but emotionally empty people.

Peter Levine has defined trauma as “Any experience which stuns us like a bolt out of the blue; it overwhelms us, leaving us altered and disconnected from our bodies.” It is difficult to access coping mechanisms while in this overwhelmed state. This reaction can become more intense when the relational trauma occurs for long periods of time, with intermittent reinforcement, and when it is layered on top of relational trauma that occurred in childhood.

The stunned shock of anything that your body perceives as a threat, including a betrayal or a breakup, can live inside of us as a physiological state, even when we are not in present danger — when we are out of the breakup, moved out, and presumably moved on. Our bodies are engaged in a survival response even when out of the danger — which manifests itself as a freeze state that makes all the negative emotions you felt while in the relationship freeze within you as well.

What is this? Why does this happen?

The Freeze State.

It happens as a result of a completely natural human reaction to a potentially threatening situation. Peter Levine has explained how trauma develops in his book, “Waking the Tiger.” When faced with perceived danger or challenge, we become energetically aroused, mobilized, and poised to pounce, respond, and defend. This is the reason why weaklings are able to lift cars in order to rescue children. Our bodies were built to generate tremendous energy and appropriately constrict it so that it can be released. So we can fight or flee from threats for our very survival. When the energy is released, there is a tremendous sense of relief and somatic calm. There is no trauma. The situation makes sense to us because we witnessed our bodies working with us to resolve a threat.

So what happens to this tremendous, do-or-die energy isn’t released? When we feel we cannot fight or flee, as in the case of a trauma bond, there isn’t a discharge of this energy.

Instead, we hard stop freeze. Unlike other animals, our more highly evolved neocortex prevents an instinctual response of releasing this energy anyway, when the freeze state ends. Without the release, our body constricts this incredible bundle of energy and contains it in our nervous system. We are suspended in a highly mobilized emergency alert state, hypervigilant, and brimming with energy that our body now has to shift around, negotiate, and safety-valve slowly expel through adaptations that make us feel like we are experiencing an anxiety reaction. This too, is our body working for us, to prevent a nervous system meltdown.

This is trauma.

An example of this is when you brace yourself during the impact of a car accident and later find yourself completely motionless, your knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel, adrenaline coursing through you, heart rate is racing, breathing heavily, with almost no memory of the event.

Why won’t our “smarter” brain allow us to discharge this energy during the freeze state? Again, your body is trying its best to protect you. When that tremendous force of arousal energy is first triggered, it makes us feel up to the task, positive, and intensely alive. When the release is thwarted and is instead subsumed inwardly, we associate the energy with intensely negative emotions.

All those feelings and all the energy that you might have expelled during the relationship in a fight or flight response — all the anger, the shame, and the fear — now reside within you and may feel like are directed TOWARD you.

Our “smarter” brain attempts to protect us by negotiating these emotions within our circuitry because it believes that this work will protect us from experience sheer terror of the release. We fear releasing them because the energy itself is so strongly associated with danger, betrayal, and fear. You are now the home of negative energy that was never meant to be yours.

What does this have to do with your inability to let go of a toxic relationship?

Why does all of this slow you down when it comes to commonplace advice like “stop fixating, face the fear of moving on, and focus on yourself?”

Breaking trauma bonds.

The reason it feels like you can’t “break” a traumatic bond is because you are still suffering from your body’s adaptations to all of this chaotic, negative energy that is now stored inside. These very adaptations cause you to constantly review what happened, to fixate, to refrain from feeling fear and grief, and to obsess about the relationship.

• Anxiety.

The nervous system experiences trauma as a body feeling. In other words, your hyper-alert state lives on as symptoms that can be perceived as anxiety: increased heart rate, tension, agitation, flashbacks, shudders, muscle soreness, and racing thoughts.

All of this anxiety can feel unfair. We know it’s normal to feel grief over the loss of a relationship, but the hope is that we will feel some sense of relief once we get the courage to let go of someone we loved, but who we know is toxic, narcissistic, or emotionally unavailable. Hang on. Your body is communicating to you that internally, you still feel as if you are in danger. Because this anxiety state is so closely associated with the trauma bond, this may feel like a craving for your ex and the trauma bond, when it is in fact, a frantic message to stay away.

• Helplessness.

When exposed to personal trauma, the part of the brain that processes information, puts things into context, and communicates to you in narrative form shuts down. You are suspended in emergency activation mode, but without an ability to cope with the stress.

This is why no contact is so important. When exposed to anything that reminds you of your former partner, your nervous system triggers energy to communicate the presence of a threat but prevents you from consciously putting that threat into the context of what is occurring here and now.

In this state, it can feel hard to learn new things or assimilate information.

This is why it can feel like such a gut punch to see your ex or hear about his or her life, even after time has passed and you are sure “you got this.” It can leave you feeling helpless and hopeless.

Trauma bonds don’t “heal with time” because trauma doesn’t have a sense of time. Don’t expect to never feel triggered. Feeling triggered does not mean that you are “back to square one” when it comes to processing. It means that you are experiencing traumatic anxiety, which once again makes you feel like you are frozen and immobilized. This can lead you to feel depressed even though the current stressor is no longer around. Don’t lose hope. Even the smallest bit of awareness of what is actually occurring will help you to unfreeze out of this state, and this will get more automatic and manageable the more you increase this awareness.

• Flashbacks.

Because you are not able to put your physiological distress into a time and place context, you are not able to consciously recognize that the traumatic event happened in the past. This causes confusion between past trauma and current stressors. Your body, behind the scenes, may be experiencing today’s stressful day as a flashback to the past, as if the trauma has returned.

Life goes on after a trauma bond. Other people and situations will stress you out and trigger anxious feelings that you will subconsciously associate with the trauma bond. This is why stressful days and subsequent disappointments make you feel like you are missing the trauma bond more intensely.

Trauma is like a trance. It makes you less aware of your current state, your bodily sensations, and your feelings. When you start to feel more safe, grounded, and present, you will slowly become more aware of when these flashbacks occur. You will feel less entranced and more able to untangle your prior distress from what is currently happening in your life.

• Trauma repetition review.

After an animal goes into fight, flight, or freeze and releases all the energy its nervous system conjured to get out of a dangerous situation, the animal goes into a review state. The point of this is to figure out what happened and to learn from the experience. Trauma bonded humans also go into this state, except the review occurs in a highly aroused and anxious state, because the energy from the experience has not been released.

This is why it is so difficult to stop fixating on what occurred, why you are experiencing obsessive thoughts, replaying old scripts, and why you feel abandoned and rejected long after a traumatic break has occurred. You are processing the trauma bond while you are still in a stressed and hyperaroused state.

This is why talking about trauma, rehashing the situation with your friends, and recycling anger doesn’t make you feel better and only further retraumatizes you. It may feel like you lost something important because you can’t let go of compulsively thinking about the trauma bond. This repetitive rehashing is healthy and normal, but only when conducted when you are out of an anxiety state and feeling grounded, safe, and present.

The antidote to compulsive rehashing is to remember that trauma lives inside the body, as a physiological state. Once activated, it shuts down your ability to process information. There’s nothing wrong with trying to figure out what happened, but know that doing so in this triggered state may make you feel like you need to return to the trauma bond.

• Hypervigilance.

Hypervigilance is the inevitable result of all of this hyperarousal. In trying to make sense of how you are feeling, your body actively searches for the source of the threat, even when one cannot be found. This drive can feel like a fixation to scan for the source, even though what you may just be reacting to is your own internal arousal. This gets repetitive and compulsive.

Your body remembers the trauma bond. It remembers how it felt and who was around. Even out of the relationship, a trauma bonded person may still feel threatened by a memory of the past when dealing with a current stressor. Your brain scans for a source of the threat. Your brain lands on the emotionally charged memory and image of someone associated with the trauma bond. You may feel plagued by images of your ex-partner, but this is only because your body remembers this person as a source of threat, not because you need to run back to this person.

All of these symptoms occur because your nervous system is suspended in a hyper-aroused state, searching for new danger, and attempting to protect you.

The key to releasing the trauma bond is to remind yourself, carefully, with compassion, and with consistency that you are no longer in danger and that you are now safe.

– This, first and foremost, has to be true. If you are still in any way involved in a trauma bond, then you are not safe. It may feel like you’ve hacked it and you are over it and you are ready for contact or another round, but your physiological systems will likely tell you otherwise.

– When you start to feel triggered, remind yourself of where you are in time and space. You may be experiencing a physiological memory of the past that makes you feel as if you are re-experiencing the trauma. Trauma robs you of your ability to stay in the present. It drops you in a trance and prevents you from recognizing what you are feeling — both emotionally and physiologically. There are many ways of grounding, including yoga, breath work, meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, among so many others. Once you get committed to healing, you will seek and find endless sources of information and relief in these. The key is to begin. Yoga will not release your trauma bond. Going for a hike will not make flashbacks and obsessive thoughts go away. These things may, however, bring you more awareness to your sensations and feelings, which will help you stay in the present when you feel yourself becoming taken over in a trauma bonded trance.

– Become emotionally available to yourself. The way to release a trauma bond is to very slowly and compassionately separate the amount of fear, that you may not even know you feel, about your negative emotions from the negative emotions themselves. These negative emotions are stored inside of you because your body internalized them, instead of using the energy of these emotions to flee or fight. They are not yours. These emotions are not your anger or your shame. You are safe now. You no longer need them. But you need a really safe base in yourself, your enviornment, and others in order to slowly release these. Be kind to yourself. It’s not easy to let go.

– A symptom of being trauma bonded is an intense desire to inform the person who hurt you about your healing. Don’t do that. It will only entrench you further. Your stored negative energy is not your own, but it’s not your ex’s either. It may feel like you have to “place” it somewhere, but this will not get rid of it, and you will only re-traumatize yourself. You can’t put it somewhere else. You can replace it with the knowledge this energy is no longer necessary to protect you, because you are safe now.

Trauma-bonded people are usually the foremost experts on their exes. In order to survive, they can discern mood changes from small facial movements, sideways grunts, or the way a person is standing. Start becoming this aware of yourself.

Start noticing what triggers you, when you are feeling hyper-vigilant, when you are reviewing or processing the relationship in a stressed out state. Start noticing when your flashbacks occur. You may find that they are actually occurring in response to current life stressors.

In becoming aware of this, you may find that there are other toxic people and situations in your current life that you can let go of in order to feel more safe. When other toxic bonds fall away, you may feel more ready to be yourself. When you feel more ready to be yourself, you may become even less ashamed and more emotionally aware. You can start to recognize which thoughts and emotions aren’t yours.

When you separate these, you will feel even more safe. Becoming more self-aware is work with a huge payoff, and you’re already so good doing it with everyone but yourself.

When you separate the past from the present, you will start to have more fun in the present. You will solve the present problems better. You will start to feel more like yourself again. You are safe now, and soon…

You will be free.

This post was written by Natasha Adamo team member, Irena.

https://natashaadamo.com/trauma-bonding/

[supertunanana]

Re: your reply → "Honestly, if anything, Jinkook has given me more pause to explore my Jikook perceptions."

I'm just curious! Lol, care to expand?

Lol, I can give it a try, this is very vague in my brain and in no way a fully formed opinion or even observation. It could be a weird fluke. But I'm an extroverted thinker, so it always helps me to talk it out a little (hence why I reply so much to your stuff, sorry if that ever comes off as annoying or me being self-indulgent. I'll admit it's probably a little of the latter, but it really helps me think and clarify my own thoughts and I truly appreciate your patience with me as I do so).

I've been paying more attention to Jinkook of late (though in no way do I side-eye them; there's a very clear definition to their bond, for me, in that Jin practically raised him, but it's so endearing to see so much of Jin reflected in Kookie BECAUSE he raised him. I truly adore their relationship).

But, in paying more attention to them, I've noticed that Kookie does similar, neutral (sometimes odd) actions with Jin that he does with Jimin (hand holding, playful touching, kissing random body parts, etc). The neutrality of the action, however, is eventually discarded and the action is shaped into a specific vibe based on how the OTHER person reacts to it.

Like, when JK kissed Jin's shin in that one photoshoot... random, weird, but neutral, in that JK has done similar weird things to his other hyungs. There is no definition to this action, it sort of hangs there. BUT, Jin reacts by screeching and being grossed out by it and suddenly it becomes defined as brotherly and playful. Jin sets the tone. We, the viewer, now know how to contextualize the original action. Plus, our interpretations seem to be further confirmed by JK reflecting this same brotherly/playful feeling back (he chomps at Jin, laughs, shoves him, makes the same joke, mocks him, whatever).

Now, if JK did something similar to Jimin, which he has (but not exactly - and I don't count Rose Bowl because the context of that was very different), Jimin reacts by being shy, by blushing, by dropping his voice into a playfully flirty tone, by playfully shoving him, by pouting, etc. He doesn't shriek, he doesn't get grossed out or shove JK away, he doesn't define the "neutral" action in the same way as Jin. He makes it more "other", more pause to give it the old side-eye. BUT, AGAIN, JK reinforces this interpretation as being valid by matching Jimin's giggle, his flirty tone, his playful shoving, whatever.

Does this make sense?

it's just interesting to me because on the face of it, JK does a lot of odd shit to all of his hyungs and his intention behind it is hard to interpret. But we're given shape to it by how THEY interpret it, context clues, if you will. And then the old stamp of approval that that is an acceptable interpretation of his intention by JK himself in how he reflects their behavior. If he wasn't ok with Jin being mock grossed out or Jimin being flirty, he could easily act offended or stop instead he behaves the same way back.

And I guess where this all has been leading is to me wondering about JK's adaptability to his hyung's vibes and needs and what that means in his relationships with them all. And how this affects how we, the viewer, interprets these relationships. IDK. It's a jumble and just the beginnings of a thought and I think I have a head cold, so I'm sorry if this doesn't make a lick of sense. My head is VERY congested right now, lol. Please feel to expand or theorize with me. I always appreciate your input! <3

[richincolor]

Learning About the Present Through Our Past

There are people who would say that students in the U.S. do not get a comprehensive education when it comes to history. So how can we understand our present and work toward our future without a clear view of our past? There may be some schools or teachers who are doing an excellent job, but in many cases we still have a very long way to go. This makes access to thorough and accurate accounts all the more important for young readers. Here are two recent books that could help fill in some gaps.

Revolution in Our Time: The Black Panther Party's Promise to the People by Kekla Magoon [available Sept. 28] (Review copy provided by Candlewick)

Publisher summary: In this comprehensive, inspiring, and all-too-relevant history of the Black Panther Party, Kekla Magoon introduces readers to the Panthers’ community activism, grounded in the concept of self-defense, which taught Black Americans how to protect and support themselves in a country that treated them like second-class citizens. For too long the Panthers’ story has been a footnote to the civil rights movement rather than what it was: a revolutionary socialist movement that drew thousands of members—mostly women—and became the target of one of the most sustained repression efforts ever made by the U.S. government against its own citizens.

Revolution in Our Time puts the Panthers in the proper context of Black American history, from the first arrival of enslaved people to the Black Lives Matter movement of today. Kekla Magoon’s eye-opening work invites a new generation of readers grappling with injustices in the United States to learn from the Panthers’ history and courage, inspiring them to take their own place in the ongoing fight for justice.

A few thoughts: Aside from the middle grade book One Crazy Summer by Rita Williams-Garcia and Kekla Magoon's own teen novels The Rock and the River and Fire in the Streets, not much literature exists for young readers featuring the Black Panthers. That was why I was very excited to see this available for teens, but I think adults will also appreciate it. Revolution in Our Time begins with one of the events that brought the Panthers to national attention, but also goes back hundreds of years explaining many actions and events in history that led to that moment. Readers can see how the organization came together, shaped their collective identity, and got to work.

It's a very comprehensive look at the members and their day-to-day activities, victories, losses, and the many challenges they ran up against. It also includes a look into the many instances of governmental opposition. The Panthers were strong and did want to be seen that way, but their opponents painted them as violent and dangerous and that image is the only picture that many folks still hold in their memories. Here people can see a much more complete and accurate view.

The actual details and the stories are awesome by themselves, but the way that Magoon connects the past to our present makes this an incredibly powerful work. The final sections of the book are a call to action. The Black Panthers' average age was 19. Young people can do amazing things. There's a lot to learn by looking at the past and there's so much potential and opportunity for young people to make change happen today.

From a Whisper to a Rallying Cry: The Killing of Vincent Chin and the Trial that Galvanized the Asian American Movement by Paula Yoo Norton Young Readers

Publisher summary: America in 1982: Japanese car companies are on the rise and believed to be putting U.S. autoworkers out of their jobs. Anti–Asian American sentiment simmers, especially in Detroit. A bar fight turns fatal, leaving a Chinese American man, Vincent Chin, beaten to death at the hands of two white men, autoworker Ronald Ebens and his stepson, Michael Nitz.

Paula Yoo has crafted a searing examination of the killing and the trial and verdicts that followed. When Ebens and Nitz pled guilty to manslaughter and received only a $3,000 fine and three years’ probation, the lenient sentence sparked outrage. The protests that followed led to a federal civil rights trial—the first involving a crime against an Asian American—and galvanized what came to be known as the Asian American movement.

Extensively researched from court transcripts, contemporary news accounts, and in-person interviews with key participants, From a Whisper to a Rallying Cry is a suspenseful, nuanced, and authoritative portrait of a pivotal moment in civil rights history, and a man who became a symbol against hatred and racism.

A few thoughts: It's clear that Paula Yoo did an incredible amount of research and she carefully unraveled many layers of this complicated story. Vincent Chin was brutally killed and though to some it may seem like an isolated event, it happened during a time when there was increasing anti-Asian sentiment brewing. Yoo takes the time to explain many things that had happened contributing to the creation of this environment. She uses the personal history of Vincent's family and even goes back through U.S. history as a whole to see the threads of hatred and racism that had been there over time.

The narrative includes many people involved in the case and explores their lives and actions--and where possible--their motivations. Seeing Vincent's friends and family up close makes the loss very difficult to witness even just via the page.

A powerful aspect of this book is seeing the way people pulled together and spoke up. They formed Asian American advocacy organizations and some aspects of the justice system were even changed as a result of the work done around Vincent's case. Unfortunately, this book is very timely. It was published during a time of rising violence and racism against people of Asian descent in the U.S. Yoo shows readers that our present has come about because of our past, but our past can also inform and inspire us.

Here are links to a few more YA nonfiction history books that we've featured in the past:

An Indigenous Peoples' History of the United States for Young People by Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz adapted by Debbie Reese and Jean Mendoza

We Are Not Yet Equal: Understanding Our Racial Divide by Carol Anderson and Tonya Bolden

Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You by Jason Reynolds & Ibram X. Kendi

A Few Red Drops: The Chicago Race Riot of 1919 by Claire Hartfield

Courage Has No Color: The True Story of the Triple Nickles by Tanya Stone

Infinite Hope: A Black Artist's Journey from WWII to Peace by Ashley Bryan

They Called Us Enemy by George Takei, Justin Eisinger, Steven Scott, & Harmony Becker

Pipestone: My Life in an Indian Boarding School by Adam Fortunate Eagle

Darkroom: A Memoir in Black and White by Lila Quintero Weaver

The March graphic novel series books 1-3 by John Lewis with Andrew Aydin and artist Nate Powell

In addition to books written specifically for the YA market, there are also some fantastic historical picture books for children, teens, and even adults. Here are a few that are exceptional:

Unspeakable: The Tulsa Race Massacre by Carole Boston Weatherford illustrated by Floyd Cooper

Queen of Physics: How Wu Chien Shiung Helped Unlock the Secrets of the Atom by Teresa Robeson illustrated by Rebecca Huang

Freedom in Congo Square by Carole Boston Weatherford and R. Gregory Christie

I Am Not a Number by Jenny Kay Dupuis and Kathy Kacer illustrated by Gillian Newland

Twenty-two Cents: Muhammad Yunus and the Village Bank by Paula Yoo illustrated by Jamel Akib

Separate is Never Equal: Sylvia Mendez & Her Family's Fight for Desegregation by Duncan Tonatiuh

The Book Itch: Freedom, Truth & Harlem's Greatest Bookstore by Vaunda Micheaux Nelson illustrated by R. Gregory Christie

Fry Bread: A Native American Family Tradition by Kevin Noble Mailland illustrated by Juana Martinez-Neal

Paper Son: The Inspiring Story of Tyrus Hong, Immigrant and Artist by Julie Leung illustrated by Chris Sasaki

A Day for Rememberin': Inspired by the True Events of the First Memorial Day by Leah Henderson illustrated by Floyd Cooper

Overground Railroad by Lesa Cline-Ransome and James Ransome

Soldier for Equality: José de la Luz Sáenz and the Great War by Duncan Tonatiuh

If you are aware of other books we should watch for, please let us know.