#i just gotta be diverse. in what i milk. even if i still love things i have already milked

[daisugababy]

Ok so... the similar scenes with Calzona or Tremmet using BASIC romcom tropes is straight culture too? (Including a knocking on the door scene) And what about Jake's film, a romcom with a gay couple that uses the same tropes? I don't get how you see this gesture as "straight"... what would be an appropriate "gay" gesture in your opinion?

And isn't his change all about wanting to express himself more because Levi is a helpless romantic and doing things that he only worked on his head all this time??? This isn't worshipping Levi, it's doing what he said back in season 15, that Nico wanted to learn that from him. And Levi is changed too, because of Nico, he's more confident!

There is just a way you can tell how a queer story is told by straight people. It's not about using basic tropes/gestures, and how (often) you use them.

It starts with the type of characters they both are. The cute, insecure nerd who gets wooed out of nowhere by the new hot guy.

If that sound familiar then you might've read an amount of self-insert fics or books around that trope. Usually from the pov of the girl who's pining for the hot guy from afar until he notices her and falls for her quirkiness. And there's nothing bad about writing or enjoying that type of story. Read/watch what you enjoy.

But for Grey's, a show that prides itself on their amazing diversity, this falls very flat. Yes, I fell for them in season 15 too, like most of us. However, ever since season 15, there was barely any progression. And especially not for Nico.

And that's because Levi is that self-insert of every fic of that trope.

He's the nerd who talks a lot and has no meaningful male friendships. Like, at all. There was Casey when the B-Team still existed, but did they interact a lot? No. He laughed at Levi putting in contacts and hung out with him once at Joe's. Not to say that no gay guy every has only female friends, but you want to tell me that after realizing he's gay, he did not look up anything about gay culture? That he never tried to even once go to an lgbtq+ meetup/hangout thing just to meet and talk to people like him? Or even if it's just online? You want to tell me that after over two years he still does not have another queer friend other than Taryn? That he has not one gay guy beside Nico in his life to talk to about his queer exprience? He's so out there about being gay, he for sure would go to pride at least once. And there he for sure would make some friends.

But then he'll suddenly becomes besties with Jo out of nowhere, because... plot says Jo needs a friend? Gay best friend trope.

Just like Nico is just the hot guy wooing the nerd. That's all there is to his character tbh. Yes, maybe he is a great surgeon who gets job interviews from everywhere out of thin air and he doesn't know how to talk emotions, but that's all we have on him. Oh, and he speaks Korean.

Their lovestory revolves around Levi. It's always about him and how Nico's actions impact him, not why Nico reacted the way he reacted. Nico's whole part in the relationship is worshipping Levi.

Whenever there is conflict either a) Nico suddenly says he agrees with Levi (we don't know why, bc we followed Levi all-episode long) or b) Levi saw a patient conveiniently have the same problem as he did and applies their solution to their relationship. Not once do we follow Nico's flow of thinking. We don't know why he does or doesn't do the things he does.

We do not know why specifically Nico decided he's suddenly capable of saying ily to Levi or what exactly changed. But we always know why Levi does the things he does, because we followed him and saw his pov during the whole episode.

And why did we see his pov? Because he's the main character in their love story. Nico is just the hot piece of meat that talks occasionally. He's the prop to launch the next storyline that relies on him being the bad guy, because no effort is put into him.

That sudden monologue and honesty during the episode? Absolutely out of character and all just to please viewers that are rooting for Levi. This was not about Nico overcoming his potential emotional trauma that had rendered him unable to express his emotions. It was about making Levi happy. If we saw his process, all of this would be a different story, but we didn't. And we won't. You just can't suddenly let this bomb drop that he overcame his fear of emotional openess with no explaination how he did it and expect people to love it.

This wasn't Nico just following up on what he said a year or two ago. There was no gradual growth for him. We went from 0 to 100 out of nowhere. This was Nico suddenly copying Levi's behaviour in hopes it will fix him and their relationship. We know Nico is a cheesy dude, so the candles were fine, but the whole speech was just a little (a lot) cringy, because we didn't see where the development came from.

Neither Nico or Levi are fully developed characters (anymore). They are there to fill the diversity quota.

I know Grey's is a joke on accuracy in general, but they are still riding the train of DIVERSITY and REALISM by dealing with current events and promoting queer couples as 'Look at us, giving you the rep!'. But none of that stuff is dealt with well or realistically. It's catering to the predominately straight female viewership who wants to see the quirky person they see themselves in to end up with the hot guy that worships them. You gotta decide if you want to be realistic or catering to your audience. But you can't have both and Grey's is the best example of it.

I can't list you 'appropriate gay gestures' as you call them. Because romcom gestures/tropes are universially applicable and a lot of fun with both straight and queer couples alike. But for them to be enjoyable, you have to actually put in the effort in writing your characters/storylines. Which is what Grey's lacks bigtime. Which is why it's just so disappointing to watch as a queer person who hoped to see a nice queer storyline on a show as huge as Grey's. But this story isn't revolutionary or representative of anything besides Levi's coming out.

In regards to Tremmet/Calzona. I mean, have you noticed how all queer couples had to deal with negative reactions from their families to their coming out? Same with Schmico. It's like they only know one storyline to write for queer couples and somehow it gets worse every time. So bad, that they even stuffed one of them back into the closet so they can milk the fear of coming out once more.

[solastia]

Sanctuary | 2

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x F!Reader

Summary: Your bed & breakfast has a new regular...Jeon Jungkook of BTS

You shuffle into your office, still a little sleepy despite having a shower and having a steaming cup of coffee in your hands. You weren’t sure what the cause of it was, but you’d been entirely too restless to sleep well. Too much excitement, perhaps?

You shrug to yourself and sit into your office chair with a loud yawn, ruffling your still damp hair as you power on your laptop. You still hadn’t received any reservations for this week and you were hoping someone would come by for the weekend at least. You had some honeymooners reserved for next week, but that didn’t help you now. An entire week without guests would put a noticeable deficient in the books.

That’s why when you pulled up your check-in program and saw that you’d been booked for the entire week by a single client, you had to verify that you weren’t still asleep. You pinched yourself and cringed at the pain, staring again at the program.

Sure enough, it was all still there. One client, for seven days straight. They’d booked the biggest room upstairs, the only one up there besides your own. What was incredibly strange is that they changed the offered rate. Normally, you were one of the cheapest places in the area and charged $120 a night. Not bad for one of the more expensive areas in Northern California. This person was offering you a deal of $300 per night, along with fees for meals and a hefty “to be discussed” tip if you were to close reservations for anyone else. They were trying to rent the whole place? So probably some celeb going for anonymity by hiding in an unknown B&B.

You shrugged. It wasn’t that crazy, although most local celebs tended to hang out in Carmel rather than around here. And it certainly wouldn’t be the first one you’d hosted, simply the first one that had been so generous. The other two were well-known names and you’d been expecting a hefty tip from them but they’d been surprisingly tight-fisted. One had even tried to argue your nightly fee down in exchange for using the name of your place on his social media. You’d been happy to decline.

While a little more business would be nice, you didn’t want the place overrun. You wanted it small and cozy. Safe, for yourself as well as your guests. The whole purpose of the place was to have somewhere calm and comfortable to escape to.

This person must be especially desperate if they were booking the entire place to be alone. There wasn’t a mention of them bringing any other guests with them. You exhaled noisily and clicked accept, sending them a little welcome email with all the instructions they’d need. You wondered with a self-amused grin if you should start putting a little footnote mentioning that celebrity scandals or drug-filled parties were not allowed on the premises.

You lean back in your chair when you’re done, taking sips of your now luke-warm coffee as you think over everything that you have to do to get ready. According to the form they filled out, they’d be arriving that evening. You kept the house in shape daily so you didn’t have much to do in the way of chores, but you should make a menu for the week, get the fireplace in the room prepped, and hit up a few of your friends for the local event tickets.

Thor comes up and bumps your thigh, reminding you that you still had to take him out.

“I got you, buddy,” you chuckle, standing up with a groan and going to fetch his leash. “We have a long day ahead of us, and then maybe you’ll have a new friend for a bit, huh? You gotta be on your best behavior.”

Thor barks softly and you pretend he’s answering you instead of demanding you hurry the hell up with your shoes. You decide at the last minute to throw on a hoodie too since the temperature was lowering fast. You hiss as you step outside and hope that Thor manages to get his business done fast. But even the chill wasn’t enough to bring down your mood. Today was going to be a great day. You could just feel it in your bones.

****

You had just finished putting another batch of cookies in the oven when you heard someone arrive and ring the little bell you kept on the front desk.

“Good evening! I’ll be right there, but go ahead and shut the door if you want!” You holler from the kitchen as you wash your hands.

You’d left the door open just in case they came around while you were putting around the place, but now that they were here you could finally turn on the heater.

You dry your hands and pat down your shirt and pants as you walk, hoping you didn’t look too casual. Jeans and a flowy blue button-up blouse with matching flats seemed casual yet comfortable. And you were wearing your pearls just in case they were the stuffy sort that would look down on you for not looking at least a little professional.

“Hi, welcome to Sanctuary! I’m -”

“Hey, Noona,” a cheeky-toned voice answered as you turned the corner and entered the foyer.

Your eyebrows fly up as you see the tall figure standing there. “Jungkook?”

He looks...fucking glorious. Black pants that look like they are painted on tucked into those stomper boots he seems to love. Plain black t-shirt tucked into his pants and a blue flannel shirt over that. Sitting next to him is a large black backpack that is easily half as big as him.

He grins cockily and leans against the desk. “They gave me a couple of weeks off so I’m here on vacation. Please take care of me,” he bows with mock formality.

“You’re the one that booked the whole place, right?” you ask, bringing up your computer application to check him in. He leans in way too close and looks over your shoulder as you work.

“Yup! One of the managers did the form though. Did he do everything I asked? Up the rate and made sure you feed me?”

You snort, “Yes, Jungkook. They are paying me an astronomical amount and I have plenty of food. Although, I only went shopping for one normal person. You’ll probably go through it all it two days, so make me a list.”

He chuckled lowly and you shivered, feeling his breath on your ear.

“Well, I’m not eating every meal here. I’m going to go out sometimes, too. Maybe noona can show me some nice places?”

You struggle to hold back a smile. “I’ll see what I can do.”

A shrill beeping started in the kitchen and Jungkook jumped back, looking around curiously.

“Cookies,” you answered the silent question. You finish typing a couple of things in the program than jump up and rush towards the kitchen, amused to notice Jungkook hot on your heels.

You shove your hand in a glove and pull out the pan, your own stomach rumbling a little from the delicious smell of chocolate chip cookies. It probably also didn’t help that in your rush to prepare for your guest you might have forgotten your own meals.

You scoop them onto the wire rack, so focused in the work that you forgot about the other person beside you until his thieving hands begin reaching towards one of the scalding hot cookies. You smack it with the spatula.

“Let it cool,” you order unapologetically, forgetting for a moment he was an actual guest. His sheepish grin assured you that there were no hard feelings. And that he would probably do it again.

“Are you hungry for actual food?”

He nods quickly, helping himself to one of the bar stools at your prep counter.

“Yeah. I ate this morning, but then I had to finish this interview before they’d let me go free. And that means an hour in hair and makeup for five minutes of questions,” he rolls his eyes and props his cheek onto his hand as he watches you.

“Ugh,” you grunt sympathetically. You look around for the menu you’d made for the week and hand it to him. “Look this over, will you? Let me know if there’s anything you don’t like.”

He silently reads your list as you prepare him a plate of cookies and a glass of milk. And maybe you sneak a couple for yourself as well.

Finally, he nods and tosses it over. “It’s good. Maybe add some Korean food if you know how to make any. I noticed there weren’t any restaurants.”

“Yeah, this place isn’t really known for its diverse cuisine. But if you want fifty seafood places, we have you covered.”

He snorts, “Kinda like home.”

You laugh, remembering how many little food carts littered Busan’s beaches.

You place his snack in front of him and he dives in happily, his eyes wide with happiness. You slide into the seat next to him and study him.

“So, Jeon Jungkook. What are your plans for the week? Are you going to stick around the house most of the time or should I maybe find some places for you to visit? I have lots of friends that I can get tickets from.”

He takes a huge gulp of milk and sighs contentedly before he answers. He shrugs, “Mostly around here. This is my time to actually relax. Definitely going to the beach and taking some photos. Other than that, I don’t know.”

“Hmm,” you hum, propping your chin in your hand. “The main attractions out here are all marine-based, so it’s up to you if you want to see any of it or if it’s all just old news to a Busan boy. But we do have the marine sanctuary nearby, there’s whale watching, and I think the butterfly exhibit is still going on. It really depends on how far you’re willing to travel. Monterey has even more things to do.”

He looks almost shy when he glances up at you. “Is it okay if we just stay here tonight?”

Your filthy disgusting mind conjures up all sorts of things hearing a sentence like that coming from Jeon Jungkook’s mouth, but you gulp and hope your voice sounds normal.

“Yup. Of course. It’s your vacation. Most guests don’t even interact this much with me. They just check-in and have meals sent to their room.”

“It’s okay. I like having noona around,” he grins, his eyes crinkling mischievously. Brat.

He looks around suddenly. “Hey, where’s Thor?”

“I usually keep him in my room until I figure out how pet-friendly the guest actually is.”

“You can let him run around, I’m fine,” he grins with excitement and follows behind when you get up and head towards the stairs.

Once you reach the top you can already hear Thor sniffing on the other side. You fling open your bedroom door and let him practically fly towards Jungkook. The man tries to sneak a peek inside before you slam the door shut, not ready to let the international celebrity see your mess.

Instead, you nod towards the room across the hall and gesture with your arm.

“This one is yours.”

He grins softly and walks around peeking at everything, patting the covers of the bed until Thor jumps up. He sits next to him and nods.

“It’s so nice. You did a good job.”

“Thanks,” you grin lopsidedly as you take a quick look around. “I think I did okay too. I’m no interior designer, but I was hoping for homey.”

“It’s relaxing,” he agrees with a nod. “I couldn’t even do this with my own place. I just threw some blankets on the floor and set up my PC. I don’t even think I have proper dishes. I had to eat cereal out of the plastic bag inside,” he giggles.

You shake your head, unsurprised really.

“This TV is pretty big too,” he grunts as he climbs towards the headboard of the bed, then crosses his ankles with a sigh, setting against the plush pillow behind him and playing with the remote. “Do you get all the channels?”

“Yeah,” you nod, standing there awkwardly now as he gets comfortable. You should probably go make dinner now or something, right?

“Oh nice,” he suddenly exclaims exactly, tossing the remote away. “Deadpool is on. Come watch, noona,” he says, patting the spot next to him on the bed.

His eyes are huge and there’s not a single hint on his face that this is a joke. He looks innocent and earnest. Just where was this “shy” Jungkook you’d always heard about?

You shuffle towards the bed and slowly lower yourself onto it, trying your best to avoid actual contact with him. He didn’t seem to approve because he actually scooted closer until his rock hard thigh was pressed right up against yours.

“Get comfortable, noona. I don’t have rabies,” he chuckled, tugging you down a little more until you were sharing a pillow.

Fuck. How was it possible for a man to smell so good, you moaned in your head. Thor - the traitorous bastard - was cuddled in a circle right in between Jungkook’s legs. He looked well on his way to taking a nap.

You focus on the tv, not really watching the movie, and trying instead not to hyperventilate. He was so close and you didn’t know what to do with your hands. You felt like a nervous teenager.

It was probably midway through the movie when you first heard it. A tiny little wheeze. Then, the man next to you felt like he was slipping. You turn and grin when you notice that Jungkook is pretty much out for the count. His head has slipped right onto your shoulder and his mouth is wide open as he sleeps, his nose making a cute little rattle instead of outright snores.

You huff and look around, yawning as the feeling of laying in bed finally begins to catch up with you as well. You hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, so it was understandable. But Jungkook probably didn’t get much sleep on a regular basis, so you’d hate to disturb him now. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to rest your eyes for a little bit. Just until it was time to make dinner.

You give in to the lazy feel of the room and shut your eyes, snuggling into the pillow a little more. You barely noticed when a strong arm flipped you over gently and pulled you closer.

[rein-ette]

Hi!

I was inspired by your asks, so I wanted to hear from you! What do you think of Canada as a country? I had a bit of a Canadian phase long ago and I tried to consume as much literature and history as I could, but reading about a place and living in it are very different experiences, so is there anything you'd like to share about Canada, about the culture or the people? Do you like living there? What are some of your favorites things? How do you survive the winters?

And also, as a character, what do you think of Matt?

(´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

Aaaaaaaaah okay okay *ahem*

If you’re not here for a Ted talk the exit is to your left, have a great day!

I do love Canada very much! I was born and pretty much grew up here, and as I’ve grown older I’ve become more and more grateful for everything that my country has provided for me! I remember my history teacher in high school said once that by being born into the middle class and as a Canadian, you’ve already won the lottery of life. That was not to disparage other countries, but to remind us of how remarkably privileged we are and how much we take for granted.

One of the first things you hear when you ask people what does it mean to Canadian is the word “multicultural.” I find this word realllyyyyyy cringeyyyy and not really reflective of reality, but I suppose it’s a good starting point for more in depth discussion. People often say Canada is a “cultural melting pot”, but the indigenous poet Marilyn Dumont pointed out in her poems that in some ways it’s more of a mosaic — there are many cultures, but they don’t always meld together. To say it’s a melting pot is ignoring the fact that racism and discrimination certainly have and do still exist here.

But I would argue that in some areas it is a “melting pot”, even if I kinda hate that word. I prefer to think of where I live as cultural delta — a place where many mighty tributaries meet as they thunder into the sea. (It is also literally a delta, funnily enough) Here, I grew up absorbing Canadian ideas, studying British history, reading American literature, learning French — but I also grew up listening to Kpop, watching Ghibli, eating rice. When I meet up with friends, we don’t grab a coffee, we grab milk tea. If you ask people here where they would like to visit or live, they will most likely say New York, London, Hong Kong, or Seoul — which tells you a bit about both how powerful and diverse the cultural influences here are.

Perhaps the thing most indicative of Canada’s “multiculturalism” and what I am most grateful for, however, is that I grew up here without fear. I didn’t even know the words “chink” or other words existed until I could access the internet. Recently, the beatings of Asian immigrants in the UK and US brought this home for me — how lucky I am to have such a privileged childhood. And I know this kind of privilege is hard won; in my research of WW2 I found that one of the amusement parks that I used to frequent as a child was built on land that once housed a Japanese internment camp. How fragile our lives are!

But enough about the serious stuff. I can’t really answer your question about how to survive winters in Canada lol, except to say that where I am in Canada it is absolutely necessary everyone own at least 3-4 umbrellas. That’s because this side of the Rockies in BC, the temperatures are pretty mild year round — the coldest it gets is usually 0, and the hottest around 25. But, by god, it rains. I did go to Ottawa in the winter though, where it was -13 one day, but honestly? Everything below 0 feels pretty much the same. Once it gets that cold, you can’t even tell anymore. I wore a skirt and tights that day, with a good, thick winter coat. And I survived :D

Besides not being heckled on the street for being Asian, my favourite things about Canada are probably the amazing diversity of good food and how tremendously beautiful the wilderness here is. And I say this as someone who loses her mind when a mosquito flies past (ie. I am not a nature person). You can kinda tell from these photos here, but the trees and water and whatnot here, are like, real. Maybe I just find that amazing because I lived in Tianjin, but it just feels like this is a city built among the trees and the sky and water that was always here, and not a city where humans have brought in nature for our amusement.

Okay, gotta move on to your other questions or I’ll go on forever. As a state I think Canada does a fairly good job of providing for its own people, but I wish we had a greater global influence. A lot of youth especially express the view that Canada is kinda...boring if your career doesn’t have to do with, like, sports, nature, or medicine, and I would tend to agree. We have great universities, but as someone who studies international relations I often wish Canada would like? Do more? On the global scale. The only thing we really have under our name is the UN peacekeeping, which PM Pearson started after the Suez Canal Crisis. I mean, I’ve heard that many people abroad identify Canada with peace and like ofc I’m not complaining about that, but I just wish our history was a little spicier, ya know? We did kick Americas ass that one time in 1812 and that was amazing. No regrets.

So that brings me to Matt. A lot of Canada’s existence has just been dominated by trying to carve a way between the US and the British while not being swallowed by either. Britain gave us the protection and strength and diversification of identity to not be annexed by the US, but at the same time it hobbled Canada’s relation with our only neighbour. One of the very first treaties Canada negotiated alone, if I’m recalling correctly, was a trade contract with the US over fishing (?) in BC and Alaska, where London was like no you can’t and Canada was like uh we gotta make money too, bro. So yes, while I do believe Mattie is just a very loyal person in general, he was also loyal to the empire because he needed to survive. A lot of Canadian identity was solidified around our prompt assistance of England and the sacrifices made in the two world wars, especially the campaigns in the Low Countries and Italy. Essentially, Canada has historically differentiated itself from the US through its loyalty.

Uuuuh just realized that has nothing to do with my opinion of Matt. Um. I like him? He’s real best friend/big brother material, and I do hc him as far more cunning and capable than canon portrays him to be. However, sometimes he’s just...too nice. He doesn’t have that edge that England has that makes me wanna slap him tf up and sob and call him my baby at the same time. Also, as oumaheroes mentioned here, that kind of selflessness can get pretty toxic. After all, by consistently not voicing or examining your own needs, you make it incredibly and unnecessarily frustrating for the people who care about you to help you, and that creates a relationship just as one sided as one where the person is extremely selfish. Actually, now that I think about it, my biggest gripe with Mattie as a character and Canada as a country is in that word: selfless. Without self. Perhaps because Canada is still so young, but it feels a little lost, a little like it doesn’t know quite know yet why it exists.

TLDR: If you’re under 18 or over 60, Canada is the place to be. If, however, you’re like me and wish you could touch a building that’s over 150 years old and maybe visit a square somebody’s been guillotined in, perhaps try someplace else. Personally Portugal’s golden visa is lookin especially tempting lately

[jackedspicer]

OK flapjack is still my favorite show but since im so nostalgic over when i first got into it i gotta like.. step away from it... for a while... because it like, got to a point where fixating on it just made me Sad straightup

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x15 “Peace of Mind”

CAS!!!!! CAS CAS CAS IS THE BESTEST CAS CAS CAS CAS

03:24pm

ALL RIGHT I’M READY

I ACTUALLY SLEPT LAST NIGHT SO I’M NOT CURRENTLY DYING. only, like 40% woozy and 90% drained of energy

LOOKING FORWARD TO SOMETHING WHOLESOME

another steve yockey episode?? screenplay by someone called meghan fitzmartin. sweet

-

all i know about this episode is from a tumblr post that said “cas”, “funny” and “brother in law bonding”, and an instagram post with sam looking like a shady art auctioneer who sells endangered animals on the side

-

03:32

k, got my bean salad, got my magnesium chloride footbath, i am as ready as can be

-

03:33pm

i really hope they name the snake ‘cause i’m posting a fic tomorrow with the snake mentioned and i don’t have a name

-

03:35

“scooby doo matinee”

ehehe

-

03:36

digging the 1950s thing

...but not actually the 1950s?

-

03:37

“.....duuude??? do you.. need help?????”

griffin is the hero of this story and must be protected at all costs

-

03:39

ah the snake is a boy snek?

-

03:41

cas: “i thought you were going to sleep until the cows dragged you home”

dean: “thshsa notdhfsdg n”

 i fucking love everything about this

-

03:47

i still love cas’ car

i hope nothing bad ever happens to it

and i hope we see dean taking care of it the way he takes care of baby, and/or showing cas how to do it

-

03:49

the little 1950s town

reminds me of pee-wee herman tbh

also dear god now i want to write a fic where there’s a town like this except dean and cas are undercover as a gay couple and everyone’s freaking out about it because being queer is ~accepted~ in modern times but it goes against the ~historical aesthetic~ of the town and dean and cas are “faking” except accidentally change the minds of everyone through the legitimacy of their love

-

03:54

cas: “saturday evening post... i look at them sometimes after you fall asleep at night”

/googles that

ooh

also..............if i didn’t ship destiel so damn hard that would be such a perfect sastiel line

“they’re very soothing”

;~; cas and his soothing, stimmy things

i love him i love him i love him

-

03:58

oh maaaaan i love sam and cas but WHAT I WOULDN’T GIVE TO HAVE DEAN AND CAS ON A DATE IN A MILK SHOP

-

03:59

oh the milkshake probably turns people kooky and sam’s gonna turn but cas didn’t drink the milkshake so he’s gonna be fine

edit: damn i got got.  but also yeah cas was fine

-

04:01

did cas say “like a ripe melon ON the sun”?

yes he did

but why

-

04:03

i like that this town seems pretty diverse despite the general view we see nowadays of the 1950s

-

04:04

the way dean shrugs and say “i like bacon”

is so nauseatingly cute

i wanna cry and squish him 

-

04:05

I KNEW HE HAD MICE SOMEWHERE

in my fic the snake makes friends with the mouse jack tries to feed him (the fic is a 14.5k dean/cas smut fic called Measure of Thigh Love and will be posted here tomorrow)

-

04:07

lady: “morals. gotta have morals”

*eyes cas”

“you know”

whAT DOES IT MEAN

does he look like a good boy, an upstanding pillar of the community, definitely not a perpetually confused hot mess in love with a freckly bisexual trashbag

-

04:08

the fact cas so calmly and blankly reads the pornographic letters talking about the guys dick

i just

does anyone even understand how much i love him

every fucking thing he does or says makes me love him more

-

04:12

ANGEL FOOD CAKE & DEVILS’ FOOD CAKE

YEEEEEEEEAH OkaY DEAN

i literally just posted a fic where he eats angel food cake

AND DEAN WILLINGLY BOUGHT CAKE

BISEXUAL DEAN /  DESTIEL ALERT

also?? feeding a snake angel food cake? 10/10 good omens vibe

but also god no THE SNAKE DOESN’T EAT THAT but i love the journey they’re going on to find out what the snake eats

-

04:16

the fact dean panicked that jack was choosing the devil’s cake over the angel one

um

maybe he just liked chocolate

BUT ALSO

PROOF THAT CAKE ALWAYS REPRESENTS SOMETHING

-

04:18

the house lady has an mp3 player / headphones?? maybe she’s the centre of all this

edit: maybe they had pink headphones in the 1950s ????

-

04:19

bird poop all down cas’ car aww

-

04:21

like

i know everyone’s dying and it’s clearly terrible

but also i find the vibe of this town very calming

the clock ding-donging in the background especially, when cas visits mrs smith

also her apron is pretty

-

04:22

cas: “the tall man.......... hair? he has beautiful hair?”

that’s fucking c u t e

if dean heard that he would complain for 6 hours straight and not let it go, ever, and he’d say it’s because he doesn’t like sam’s hair but it’s secretly because he’s jealous, both of sam’s hair and also that cas thinks it’s beautiful

-

04:26

the “hey you’re a woman make me a drink/dinner” thing is highkey irking me though

unsure if that’s the town or just sam

then again he was clearly under the influence the first time he asked for coffee too

-

04:28

cas: “you will snap the hell out of it!!!”

sam: *flinches* “sir, you watch your mouth”

omg

-

04:30

haitch eee double hockey sticks

-

04:34

clearly jack does still have some soul because he cares about the snake

-

04:36

when the light gets his eyes like that he doubles in prettiness

-

04:44pm

THAT PARALLEL TO WHEN CAIN!DEAN DIDN’T STAB CAS

-

04:46

cas: “GOD HAS A BEARD”

-

04:49

cas: “yeah, i told him about the cardigan”

10/10 shoutout to the fact dean and cas talk off screen

-

04:51

“i’ll help you”

oh no is he gonna kill the snake

oh no oh no

-

04:52

oh maaaaaaaaaaan i dunno how i feel about that ending

and thus i don’t know how to feel about any of this

i loved the slowness and the softness of this

and i LOVED seeing so much of cas

but after the ending all my emotions just got steamrollered

i loved that the girl saved the day by overthrowing her abusive father but also not killing him and also giving him a nice ending, so to speak

i love that there was some representation in here even though i never caught anyone’s name besides sam’s “JUSTIN SMITH” and griffin

dean and cas seem to talk in the kitchen a lot which is nice !!!

i dunno i’m just sad about the snake... jack did the right thing maybe? but also i’m bummed out about it

sooo much snake/angel/cake symbolism <3

i’m looking forward to reading metas and stuff about this episode, especially about how the sam+cas stuff is actually dean/cas stuff in disguise, because frankly it kind of looked like it even though i could’t say how at this point i time

i FREAKING LOVE SEEING SAM AND CAS WORK TOGETHER THOUGH. SO MUCH. can only imagine how hard it was for misha and jared to film this though. especially the scene where cas reads the pornographic letters, and when jared is lying on top of misha

cas casually reading porn is the best

cas bringing sam out of hypnotism by relating to him about lost armies was probably my favourite part though

i mean, excluding the bits where dean and cas talk because dfjsdjgfd i love them i can’t help it

10/10 i guess? i can’t think about anything to complain about :P was a pretty good, solid, all-rounder, yay

[iwonderwhenyousleep]

Cinnamon Fudge Birthday Cake

A/N: Happy Valentines Day @nerdyhuntress! I'm your Captain Swan Secret Valentine! I really enjoyed getting to know you the past few days and hope that we can continue to be friends! This is a little story that is set on Emma's first birthday after the S6 finale. I really hope you like you gift! (BTW this is an actual recipe for a real cake, if anyone ever gets the urge to make it. You can find it by googling Land O Lakes Cinnamon Fudge Birthday Cake. It should be the first thing that pops up.)

2 cups all-purpose flour

What the hell does all purpose mean? Can I use it to sharpen my hook?

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa

1 teaspoon baking soda

Soda? Like that bubbly brown drink Henry loves so much?

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 3/4 cups sugar

1/2 cup butter softened

1/3 cup vegetable oil

How does one oil vegetables? At least there are some vegetables in this recipe. My Swan will not get scurvy on my watch.

1 large egg

What makes an egg large?

1 tablespoon vanilla

1 cup buttermilk

Does that mean putting butter into a bottle of milk? Gross.

3/4 cup hot coffee

FILLING & FROSTING

4 (1-ounce) squares semi-sweet baking chocolate

1 pint (2 cups) Heavy Whipping Cream

Heavy? So, I need to weigh all the different creams?

1 tablespoon butter

1 tablespoon light corn syrup

Corn? Like that stuff that got stuck in between my teeth the time Dave grilled last summer?

1/4 cup powdered sugar

1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

STEP 1

Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour 2 (9-inch) cake pans; line bottom of pans with parchment or waxed paper; set aside.

Waxed paper? Do I need to get a candle and drip wax on a paper?

STEP 2

Combine flour, cocoa, baking soda, salt and 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon in bowl; set aside.

STEP 3

Combine sugar, 1/2 cup butter and oil in bowl. Beat at medium speed, scraping bowl often, until creamy. Continue beating, adding egg and vanilla, until well mixed. Gradually add flour mixture alternately with buttermilk and coffee, beating at low speed until well mixed.

STEP 4

Spoon batter evenly into prepared pans. Bake 30-32 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes. Remove from pans. Cool completely. Remove parchment paper.

STEP 5

Combine chocolate, 1/2 cup whipping cream, 1 tablespoon butter and corn syrup in saucepan. Cook over medium heat until chocolate is melted. Refrigerate 1 hour or until thickened.

STEP 6

Beat remaining 1 1/2 cups whipping cream in bowl at high speed until soft peaks form. Add powdered sugar and 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon; continue beating until stiff peaks form.

STEP 7

Place 1 cake layer on serving plate. Spread chocolate mixture over cake layer. Spread 1 cup whipped cream mixture over chocolate mixture. Top with remaining cake layer; frost with remaining whipped cream mixture. Store refrigerated.

When Killian got the idea to make Emma a birthday cake, he thought it wouldn't be quite this complicated. He read and reread the recipe, but after about the tenth time the words stopped meaning anything at all and became lines on the page. First, he'd gone through all the different recipes that Belle had gotten him from the library. There had been the traditional vanilla, triple chocolate, something called carrot cake which confused Killian to no end (why would anyone want a cake to taste like a carrot?), and about a dozen others. Once he saw the recipe for a cake with cinnamon in it, he knew he had to make it for Emma for her birthday.

He wanted to prove to Emma, and the rest of the town, how well he was adjusting to life in Storybrooke. He remembered how to turn on the oven, and where the baking supplies were. He knew how to go grocery shopping for all the ingredients. He'd even arranged for Will Scarlet to get into a bit of "trouble" so the sheriff would have to be out of the house for a few hours while he made his creation.

He'd gone to the grocery store the day before and hidden all of the ingredients in the hardly used tool shed. While he didn't have the greatest track record with keeping things hidden in that particular area, he was hoping that that would be the reason that no one would suspect he had hidden anything out there. When Emma had left, he quickly hung up a banner that happily proclaimed "HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMA!" and inflated the dozen balloons he had picked up, and put the roses he had bought safely far away from where the cooking would be taking place.

All of a sudden, he found himself standing in front of a kitchen table filled with different ingredients and he was baffled. He started to question the resolution he had made to do this by himself. Surely, Granny or someone would be willing to help him. He wanted everything to be perfect for Emma. She deserved a perfect birthday after all of the horrible ones she'd had growing up.

After a minute of staring at the ingredients and looking at the recipe one more time, he moved to the oven and turned it on to what he really hoped was the correct temperature. He grabbed a large bowl from the cabinet where they were kept and became combining the ingredients as the recipe instructed.

After forty minutes, two broken eggs on the floor, a bag of flour spilled in his hair, somehow, and only one burn from the oven, Killian began to rethink his plan again. He was just about to take out his talking phone and call for backup when he heard something outside that made him pause and his heart beat faster. The closing of a car door. Emma was home early.

Without thinking, he ran to the door to prevent her from seeing the complete mess he had made inside.

He slammed the front door shut behind him just as Emma was walking up the driveway. "Swan! You're home early! I mean, you're home!"

He was scrambling and Emma could tell. Killian might have liked to boast that she was an open book to him, but that went two ways. "Did I somehow time travel again?"

"What, love?"

She pointed to his hair and then he remembered that, in his haste, he still had flour covering his hair, turning it gray. "I gotta say, I kind of like it." She tenderly brushed away the flour as best as she could. "What's going on?"

In certain moments, it really hit him how much Emma had grown since he first met her. She knew he was keeping something from her, but she was still looking at him with love and trust. She was totally open with him and that was the greatest gift Killian could ever hope to receive. "Um..." He nervously scratched behind his ear. Emma went to reach for the door handle to let herself into the home, but he quickly pressed his lips to hers in an effort of distraction that quickly got out of hand for the public setting of their front porch.

"Now, why was I here?" Killian asked, dazed by the kiss. Distracted by his own diversion, Killian couldn't stop Emma from walking into the house.

She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the kitchen. The floor was a sticky mess, the counters were coated in a little bit of every single ingredient.

"I'm sorry, love. I had Scarlet fake a call to the sheriff's office so I could have some time alone to make you a proper birthday cake. But, turns out, I am not as skilled at baking as I believed I would be." She had her back to him so he couldn't see her expression. "I just wanted to make this birthday perfect for you."

When she turned around, Emma had a big smile on her face. "I am torn between wanting to laugh at the comedy of this mess, and hug you because this might be one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. And you yourself have done some unbelievably sweet things." Apparently, she decided to go with a combination of the two because she flung her arms around him and he could feel her laughter shaking her body where it was pressed against his. "I love you." She said when the laughter had stopped.

"I love you, too." He responded.

They broke apart and Emma insisted on helping Killian finish the cake. While he wouldn't let her do any of the actual work, he did let her instruct him while seated in one of the kitchen chairs and after he got her a hot cocoa with cinnamon. It went much more smoothly with Emma helping and the kitchen was soon filled with the smell of chocolate baking. They may have made some extra frosting for other purposes, but most of it did end up on the cake.

Later that night, they met up with everyone else at Granny's with the cake in tow. Granny gave them a somewhat dirty look at bringing their own food into her diner, but Emma soon explained and Granny had a piece herself after dinner.

For the first time in her life, Emma Swan had a perfect birthday, surrounded by family and loved ones.

Baking a cake together became a tradition for birthdays in the Swan-Jones household, and every time someone would have a birthday, the kitchen would be filled with the smell of sweets baking and the sounds of love and laughter.

[averageagenderjoe]

Hey.

If you defend JK Rowling, you kind of suck.

You’re allowed to like her books—I get it. I know good literature when I see it, and while I was never a huge fan of the books myself, really, I did get some joy out of them, and I have friends and family who grew up with the books and loved the characters and the story. So long as you acknowledge what the author has said and done, and acknowledge that the book DOES have it’s problems, you’re free to enjoy it, really. And I mean, you kind of suck, but I don’t hate you or anything, because I believe you just don’t understand something that’s happening, and a lack of understanding doesn’t mean you are a bad person.

ANd the reason JK Rowling is facing so much backlash isn’t because she said that sex is real or whatever, and that saying that has offended trans people. Sex IS real—it just doesn’t decide our gender. I have never met a trans person who says that sex isn’t real, we know sex is real, for the love of god.

I could make a mile long list of shit she’s done that’s pissed me off. Her books lack diversity—in a beloved series that’s been praised for years and years, I never saw myself in any of the characters. I never saw myself at Hogwarts—the only gay character was an old man who hooked up with a bad man in his youth, but none of that was ever really mentioned except outside of the continuity. Even if Dumbledore is gay in canon, I would have preferred seeing that IN THE FUCKING BOOKS instead of in one of JKR’s tweets. And she has no excuse, really—sure, maybe the original books, but when making new books and movies, with ample opportunity to be able to make queer characters, and all you really see is Dumbledore saying they were “closer than brothers?” Queer baiting at it’s finest. And she seemed to think that was enough. She acts like she knows shit about the LGBTQ+ community, but when trans people say they found something offensive, she doesn’t think to apologize. People got offended over something that was offensive, and she—as a cis woman—didn’t believe she was in the wrong. Tried to act like whatever she knows makes it okay that she’s offended actual trans people. I cannot get over that.

JKR’s made millions after milking the series this long, writing a story about love and shit, when she’s a woman who seems to be fueled by a hatred towards men—comparing woman towards hens and men towards coyotes, I want to say? And said you couldn’t let one into a pen or whatever even if they identified as a hen, in the context of trans woman and how she didn’t believe they should be allowed into woman’s prisons, because what if they raped the woman or something. Because trans women are just men, disguised as women? Because trans women are supposed to actually be men just wearing what they want and calling themselves what they want, not like they actually ARE what they say. That’s not even mentioning how, while women can easily be the victim of violence, trans women are just as likely to be victims of the same sort of violence? Because obviously, you gotta protect the cis women from the trans woman by sending her to a prison full of men, when their very existence is political and heavily debated and they are just as, if not more, vulnerable?

And don’t get me started about the love potions in Harry Potter and how they were just sold—like it was no it deal when one of the main antagonists was literally born because his mother raped a man under the influence of a love potion? But they’re sold, like it’s no big deal. And there’s jokes about them being used and shit?

And how Draco Malfoy was literally a kid surrounded by toxic influences that greatly influenced him and that lead to him being this irredeemable villain of a character, instead of a kid who had clearly made mistakes but could grow from them if given the opportunity? And Snape is viewed as a tragic, lovely character when he’s really more of an idealized Nazi who believed he was entitled to a woman and was horrible to her son when he was a grown ass man? And that wouldn’t bother me so much, (and maybe it’s not so much of the author, as it is the fandom, I don’t really know) like, show a character who did absolutely awful things in the past, but in the present tries to be a good person, and is still mourning the woman he fell in love with? I would have preferred a character who knew that, in his past, he was terrible and was trying to be better, even if he was struggling with the being better part.

And as someone who’s come from an abusive home, it felt a lot to me like Harry Potter’s own abusive home was played for laughs, but maybe that’s just me. And no, Aunt Petunia’s mentioning how she lost a sister or whatever doesn’t make it any better, because even if she’s grieving her sister, she treated her sister’s son, her NEPHEW like shit.

How come an author who wrote a series that was supposed to be about magic and love says things that seem so filled with hate and why will you defend her? I’m not saying that JKR’s a horrible person, really—it’s that she should be apologizing for the shit she says, it’s that she faces backlash and she, with countless followers on Twitter and a zillion dollars in her bank account, claims she’s being censored. And people, watching others wanting more diversity, not pleased with simply being told that Dumbledore and Grindleward DEFINITELY had a sexual aspect in their relationship, and a bunch of straight people seem to think that’s enough somehow.

I don’t ask for perfection from JKR—but effort would be nice. Admitting when you are wrong would be nice. And this isn’t about DIFFERING OPINIONS—trans people fucking exist. Biology is a complicated thing, and choosing to reduce people to their genitalia is just faking stupid—you aren’t a woman or a man or both or neither because of your body. Being trans isn’t about your sex, its about gender which is an entirely different thing.

My existence is not an opinion that might differ from yours. My indentity doesn’t get to be an opinion. The rights I get for my identity aren’t just DIFFERING OPINIONS.

Anyway, if there’s some information in here that I got wrong, feel free to point it out (I mean, if I said something about JKR’s tweets or whatever that wasn’t quite what she said, or if you have a different take on a part of the books, or something similar. I do’t want to hear that you think trans-issues is a matter of opinion and that JKR’s not transphobic or anything, especially if you’re cis.

[yoyo-inspace]

Happy 20th, Stargate SG-1

I was thinking about whether or not I should write something, or if I should simply keep on reblogging amazing gifsets and tributes for a little while before going to bed and calling it a day.

But it kept nagging me, and I can’t stand the thought of letting this go without at least having said something. Can’t let this day just slip by.

Of course I had to write something. 

It’s not every day one of your favorite shows turns 20. 

It’s hard for me to pick an absolute favorite show, but I think I’ve got it down to two. Doctor Who is pretty obvious, and most people I know wouldn’t be surprised. I think Stargate SG-1 would actually be a bit weirder for them to hear. But it’s the truth. This gem of a science-fiction action series is one of my favorite shows of all time. 

I don’t remember when I first started to watch Stargate. It’s one of those shows that was always on tv when I was a child. Or at least it feels like that (it still does. Literally every time I turn on the right channel, it’s there). I’m 21, so I wasn’t there from its inception. But my dad was. And he LOVES Stargate. 

I actually think that he showed me the movie first. We both share a love of science fiction (I probably got it from him), and I remember seeing that very very early (we’re talking maybe 6 or 7 years old). I think the subtitle was Danish.

Anyway, my dad usually sat watching reruns, or occasionally the new season, of Stargate SG1 late in the evenings in our living room. I don’t remember why, but I started sneaking down, hiding behind a bookcase, and trying to watch the show along with him. Of course, I was soon discovered, and he asked me to watch it with him. 

It became a Thing. Every other night, I would go down, make some sandwiches (and sometimes there’d be candy!) and pour a glass of milk and sit down in the sofa and watch Stargate SG1. I didn’t really watch it chronologically at first. I popped in whenever I was at my dad’s place and he’d explain to me if anything important had happened. The only moment out of these that I remember clearly enough was when I one day asked “Wait, what happened to Daniel? Who’s the new guy?” and found out that Daniel had died a few episodes prior. My heart was crushed! (I warmed to Jonas though). 

Of course, he came back. Because Daniel always comes back. (Lucky me, to finally find a favorite who always comes back.)

(Seriously though, Daniel was my first fictional crush. Which I’ve never gotten over.)

After a while, my dad started buying the DVDs, and we instead sat down and watched the show chronologically, which I’ve done many times over since. On my own, trying to get friends into it, trying to get my sister to watch it (which took time), etc. We also started watching Stargate Atlantis together, which was on tv on Fridays. Sci-fi Fridays. Even if I later have watched the show over and over, it was still Our Thing.

Which might seem odd to many, but it was very important to me. I’ve had a bit of a complicated relationship with my dad, to say the least. Sometimes I doubt if he’s capable of having an uncomplicated relationship with people (than again, who can do that?). But anyway, those Stargate evenings were, most of the time, a break from that. From arguments, from awkwardness, from temper tantrums. They were just there. And that was so important to me.

Now I’ve talked about one aspect of why this show is my favorite, and it’s a highly subjective reason at that. But it’s one reason of many, even if its very personally important.

I grew up with this show, and through that, I’ve grown up with these characters. More than any other show I’ve ever watched, it feels like I know these characters. They do feel like friends to me, as clichéd as that sounds. Friends and family. Their journeys, friendships and struggles means so much to me, because I’ve connected to them all throughout my life. And I think there are some absolutely wonderful characters on this show.

I think Stargate sets itself apart from other similar sci-fi shows. I mean, it’s not the most diverse (though Sam is an AMAZING female character for this sort of thing). It’s not always the most well-written. But it has such heart. It’s a militaristic show, sure, but at its heart, it’s about friendship and family and learning. It’s a militaristic sci-fi show that has such high hopes for humanity, and for the cooperation between peoples and species. Daniel’s idealism is treated as naive sometimes, but it’s also treated as exactly that - ideal. It has a core message that’s about being kind, about how humanity can learn new things, search for knowledge, and that it is what sets us apart. I love those kind of uplifting stories. And the actors and crew members behind this show put so much effort into it, and it shows. Sam Carter wouldn’t be half the amazing character she is without Amanda Tapping. Teal’c wouldn’t have his charm without Chris Judge.

And of course, the show doesn’t take itself seriously at all. I mean, yes, it can get serious, that’s not what I meant. But it has no problem mocking itself, making fun of itself, playing with expected tropes, playing with stereotypes. It knows so well how to have fun with what it is. It’s self-aware. It wants to make you laugh and it succeeds because they’re laughing along with you. And when it gets serious, you know its because they’ve really earned it. O’Neill has made me laugh and O’Neill has made me cry, and it always felt just as genuin. 

It’s not perfect, but in the end, it does what I think sci-fi does best, and that’s trying to tell us something about ourselves. It told me many things about myself, I know that. And it spawned wonderful spin-offs and audio dramas and books and comics and a fanbase that’s still going strong ten years after the show’s cancellation. Fans who are amazing and kind and who get such a warm welcome from the fantastic actors behind it. 

So, this has been my rambling about why this silly 10 season sci-fi show means so much to me, and yet I feel like I haven’t been able to say even half of the reasons it matters to me. Gotta save that for another time then. I’ve gotten enough sappiness for today. But I can’t help it, I love this show. I love the fans. I love the actors and the spin-offs (don’t know what to think about Origins yet, unsure about the era, but I’m excited for new Stargate stuff, always!). 

Got to finish of by saying that my heart has probably never beat as fast as those two days about a year apart when I got to talk to two of those actors who’s meant so much to me throughout my life, and my face has probably never been so red and I’ve probably never mumbled and rambled as much. But they were super graceful and amazing people, dealing with me, and I love them all the more for it. (My face is just a huge smile in these pictures and it looks WEIRD but I have to deal with it and I will still treasure them SO MUCH)

Thank you, Stargate SG-1. Happy 20th anniversary. 

[alexanderwrites]

Thoughts Roundup - Twin Peaks: The Return, Part 10

“Laura Is The One”

After the wild, nuts-to-the-wall freakout that was Part 8, Parts 9 & 10 have returned us to a more conventional mode of storytelling - it should be noted that “conventional” is used here very loosely, and that by episodic TV standards, these episodes are still pretty nuts-to-the-wall. Maybe part 8 pushed its nuts THROUGH the wall whereas 9 & 10 just gently press the nuts up against the wall. Maybe I should drop this analogy altogether and get into what was a slow, ruminative but intensely powerful hour of TV. (Also - I didn’t do a write up last week because i’m stupid and forgot).

. The violence against women in this episode can’t be ignored. It’s right there, front and centre. We start with Horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE Richard Horne being his horrible self and killing (or at least brutally attacking, she seemed to still be breathing) a witness to his earlier hit and run, before we move on to Amanda Seyfried’s Becky, who is viciously attacked by her ALSO HORRIBLE boyfriend. The trifecta is completed when Richard heads to his Grandma’s for a vicious, intrusive robbery. There is commentary on violence towards women here: when Robert Knepper’s Rodney is accidentally swatted in the face by Candie, it leaves a small mark, but no harm is really done. She is beside herself the rest of the scene, wailing and crying and overridden with guilt and fear. She feels genuine sorrow - contrast this with Richard’s nonchalance towards his violence against women and we start to get a look at how disparately different victims of violence are treated. 

The violence on display is as much about our perception of gender roles and their function within narratives as it is about highlighting how HORRIBLE these characters are. Having said that, it would be nice to see more female characters with a little more agency in the foreground. I do wish we had some more diversity when it came to leading women in the show (not to mention the almost non-existence of women of colour in the show) to counter-balance the violence against them. I believe the characters ARE there, but due to the unimaginably huge roster of characters, a lot of them are shuffled to the back. It’s a shame because you know what? I could watch an entire hour of Jane Adams’ Constance. She’s such a charmingly funny and unique character, and every time she turns up I hope she’ll get more than a few lines. Diane is similarly fascinating, but because of the narrative structure (and this and last week’s revelations), she’s being kept at arm’s length. A great character again, but I hope she isn’t absent in future episodes like she was tonight. Luckily we have Janey-E (Naomi Watts is just the greatest of all time and I won’t hear any arguments against it) as a prominent character, and she is a fascinatingly complex one, as she swings from being weirdly performative to achingly sincere. It’s easy to list a whole bunch of other great female characters, but I suppose what I wish is that they were more central to the plot in a positive way. Twin Peaks couldn’t be Twin Peaks without violence. It’s one of the things that the show is fundamentally about, and furthermore, how we react to, or DON’T react to that violence. But I don’t know that we need three scenes of it in one episode to highlight that. Then again, discomfort was probably the intent. We’re meant to feel like something deeply wrong is happening, and if that’s the intention then this episode succeeded. 

. I talked about that more than I expected, so moving on! Nadine got the moment of the night for me when her Silent Drape Runner store was revealed. Get it, girl!! I adore Nadine, the absolute weirdo. I dearly, dearly hope we get more of her over the next 8 episodes. It’s almost impossible to see how she could tie in to the central story which is a shame because she’s one of the most fun people to watch on the show. 

. The scenes with Cooper were a mix of hilarious and tragic, as they tend to be. It is both understandable and unfathomable how Janey-E could find him attractive - on the one hand, the doctor’s scene reveals how scarily in shape he is. No one’s blaming her for checking him out. On the other hand....come on. You’re attracted to the guy who drinks coffee like it’s a sippy cup of ribena? It’s a funny notion, but also a little sad because it makes you realise how starved for warmth and affection she probably is, as anyone would be. Him, too. Their sex scene is initially pretty funny because of Kyle Maclachlan’s fucking expressions (literally). Man, he has proven himself to have adept comic skills this year - as well as pretty much every other acting skill known to the profession. But as they lie together afterwards, it feels poignant again. It’s another reminder of how close yet far away our Coop is, and as much as I want him to find himself, I want Janey-E to be happy and find herself, too. She’s been put through some shit, having unwittingly married a non-human doppelganger manufactured by an evil entity who has escaped from another dimension. That’s a lot for one person. Plus she’s named Janey-E. How unlucky can one person be?

. I sort of liked the stuff with Jim Belushi and Robert Knepper. They give a couple of very intense and solid performances, but the problem for me was that it’s another complex storyline being introduced so deep into the series. If it’s one that lasts a few episodes - fine. But i’d almost like to see their part wrapped up - or advanced dramatically - by next week, mainly because there are more interesting threads the one these two linger on. I want more Doppelcoop. I want the Bookhouse Boys heading to the black lodge. I want more Patrick Fischler rather than the guys he gives orders to. It’s hard to judge from episode to episode which assortment of characters you’ll get, and it’s starting to feel like this series’ logline should’ve adapted an existing catchphrase: “Twin Peaks is like a box of Gormonbozias: You never know what creamed corn nightmare you’re gonna get”. I personally am happy with whatever assortment we get, but getting Belushi and Knepper’s characters is like getting a pretty nice plain milk chocolate when I could be getting a delicious hazelnut deluxe. It’s not bad at all, just...perfectly fine. 

. When it comes to Diane and her relationship with Doppelcoop, i’m utterly intrigued and utterly uninterested in guessing where it’ll go. There will be a million theories floating out there about how and why they’re in contact, but i’d rather just watch the story play out rather than guess ahead. It’s a very cool development though, and Cole’s vision of Laura at the door was completely disarming and haunting. Again, I don’t really want to guess ahead at how Laura will play into the following episodes, but we know she will. That’s enough for me. I’ve been browsing the Twin Peaks reddit lately (I know...I know) and i’ve gotta admit i’m waring very thin from it. Not EVERYTHING is a thing, guys. I’m beginning to think all the fan theories are detracting from the story, when really i’d rather just experience the ride. We can’t outsmart Frost and Lynch and they’ll tell us what they want and in the manner they want to. And anyway, more interesting than a tenuous “it’s all set in another dimension and i have proof!” theory is something that put maybe the biggest smile on my face yet: ALBERT ON A DATE!!! With CONSTANCE!! How utterly delightful. I guess he’s got over his love of Harry Truman, then. 

. I really thought we were going to get Audrey this episode, as we inch closer and closer towards her through her horrible bastard son. Seeing more of Johnny this season has been a surprise, but from what happens to him tonight, not a pleasant one. It is fully heartbreaking watching him try to wriggle out of his restraints to rescue his Mum, and a pretty solid metaphor for so many of the male characters on the show: When a woman is being hurt, the men are impotent to help. For Johnny, it’s understandable that he can’t, the poor guy. But for the other men? It’s not that they can’t, it’s that they won’t. Harry Dean Stanton’s Carl plays a lovely old folk song outside his trailer, looking briefly torn up when he sees a mug go flying through a trailer window, the sound of a furious male voice growling from inside. Does he go and intervene? He doesn’t. And he’s a ‘good guy’, right? I re-watched Blue Velvet again yesterday, and was blown away by how full of shit Jeffery Beaumont’s good-guy image is. Like Carl, when he sees Dorothy’s attack, he doesn’t step in. He just watches. This seems to be a recurring theme with Lynch: those who see violence against women stand by and allow it to happen. And there ARE Carls everywhere, who’d rather say “That’s sad but not my business” than stand up and help. What happens to the Woman who witnesses evil (ie Richard’s hit and run) and tries to report it? She’s destroyed by a Man. God, it’s heartbreaking. The layers of commentary get deeper even as I write this, and I realise things about this episode I hadn’t thought of. I think part 10 is the most troubling and divisive, yet most fiercely critical yet. 

. And then, we get a surprise I truly wasn’t expecting: more of The Log Lady. Maybe the most iconic, important and wise character on the entire show, leading us onwards through the dark night. God bless the log lady, and god bless Catherine Coulson. Every word she speaks is fraught with such pain and feeling, and it’d be a fucking sin for us to not cherish every word of it. I found myself listening to her words just as Hawk does - with eyes almost closed, in utter silence, revering them and their power. At the centre of this Season, underneath it all, the real heroes are Hawk and The Log Lady. It is so nice, so utterly refreshing to have such a pure moment of goodness and beauty, and for it to be between a Woman written with true agency and a Native American Man who has risen to protect his town - two beautiful souls who are stepping in to save the day that the white dudes have repeatedly fucked right up. It’s a gorgeous scene, and it segues into a road house performance that is easily my favourite of the year so far. Rebekah Del Rio’s performance of No Stars (No surprises, it was co-written by David Lynch) is haunting and it feels like a turning point for the series - from here on in, the darkness in the woods around Twin Peaks is out in full force. Perhaps this is why the episode is so aggressive. I left this terrific episode feeling unsettled and troubled - and that’s exactly how we’re supposed to feel. There’s a bad moon rising over Twin Peaks. 

“But in these days the glow is dying. What will be in the darkness that remains?”

[badgerkick0-blog]

The Best Cinnamon Rolls Cheryl’s Famous Recipe – with step-by-step tutorial and tons of tips

This recipe for the best cinnamon rolls EVER will make you rethink who you are and every cinnamon roll recipe you’ve ever made! They are so light, so fluffy, and so amazing!

Well, today is a big, BIG day. 

Several weeks ago, I quickly mentioned (in this Friday Thoughts post) that I had found “the cinnamon roll recipe to end all cinnamon roll recipes” and I asked if you had room in your heart for one more cinnamon roll recipe? Haha. Hundreds of you responded saying: uh, hello, are you crazy, BRING IT ON! While the other two of you said: don’t need another cinnamon roll recipe, thankyouverymuch. 

I’ve been buried under requests for this recipe ever since. You’ve emailed. You’ve commented. You’ve found my personal Instagram account and stalked me there to ask for it. You’ve begged. You’ve pleaded. You’ve called. You’ve emailed and commented and asked again. 🙂

Although I had already made the recipe several times when I mentioned it that Friday, I wanted to make it several more times and take lots and lots of pictures in order to make sure I could provide the most foolproof recipe and preempt any troubleshooting. In total, I’ve made this best-ever cinnamon roll recipe at least nine times since my friend, Cheryl, gave it to me mid-December. 

Speaking of Cheryl, I gotta give this lady all the credit. She’s the source of the greatest cinnamon roll recipe of all time! And she’s adorable (and so nice). 

So is her husband. That’s him, Jean (pronounced John), making his other-worldly artisan bread. He’s a master bread baker. And Cheryl is one of the most accomplished, gourmet cooks and home bakers I’ve ever met. Like, she takes everything totally next level (they had us over for a Mediterranean-inspired dinner and I could barely eat, I was so in awe at the amazing spread). And these cinnamon rolls are no exception. Thank you, Cheryl! And thanks for letting me share the love with everybody about this recipe!

One of the most common phrases I’ve heard over the last couple weeks as you’ve requested this recipe is: I don’t know how they can be better than Gloria’s cinnamon rolls*, but I’m willing to try! (*Or these vanilla pudding cinnamon rolls or these Yukon gold cinnamon rolls.)

And trust me, I thought the same thing! The backstory is important here. So let me explain really quickly. At a church activity mid-December, I won an innocent-looking disposable square pan of cinnamon rolls as a Bunco prize. I’m wired to never turn down a pan of cinnamon rolls. When I found out Cheryl had made them, I was even more excited. I had no choice but to dig in right then and there even though the dice were still rolling.  I was stunned. How could a cinnamon roll be this light and fluffy? This amazing? I mean, I don’t want to brag, but I already make a ridiculously great cinnamon roll, but these were totally beyond deliciousness, and I began to doubt everything I thought I knew about cinnamon rolls.

I cornered Cheryl in the hallway to ask if she’d be willing to share the recipe after several of us women basically ate the whole pan and unanimously agreed: these cinnamon rolls = lifechanging. I had to whip my phone out faster than an old western gunslinger because Cheryl started rattling off the recipe by memory and I wanted to type in every detail. In my mind, I had already decided that if the ingredient lineup and method was basically the same as the other beloved cinnamon roll recipes on my site, I’d just chalk it up to the fact that Cheryl had a magic cinnamon roll touch. I’d be sad for a minute that I was missing this magical cinnamon roll making gene, but I probably wouldn’t need or use a recipe that was a similar variation to others I make all the time. 

But. That wasn’t the case at all. As she gave me the recipe, I realized this was a cinnamon roll game changer and unlike any cinnamon roll recipe I’d made before. Because the amount of variation was so great, I knew I could (and needed to) post it to stand alongside the other great cinnamon roll recipes in my archives. 

And because the ingredients and mixing method and dough texture are unlike other cinnamon roll doughs I’ve made, the resulting cinnamon rolls are lighter in texture and much fluffier. You don’t have to take just my word for it either. I’ve already said before that Brian is the resident cinnamon roll snob. He doesn’t like it when I mess with a good thing, and he already loved the cinnamon roll recipes I’ve posted before. But even he agrees 100% that these are the best cinnamon rolls I’ve ever made.

I even dared make them for my Aunt Marilyn (who introduced me to Gloria’s recipe years ago!), Uncle Dan and cousin Lydia, who take “cinnamon roll snob” to a whole new level. Dan almost didn’t try them because he’s so loyal to Gloria’s recipe. After eating, analyzing, eating, and analyzing (that’s what I make you do if you come to my house), Lydia said they were “way better than any other recipe,” Marilyn admitted they were “absolutely incredible,” and Dan conceded that although he’d never say they were better than Gloria’s recipe, they were “definitely on the same level.” I’ve given so many of these cinnamon rolls away as I’ve tested the recipe; every single person has honestly raved over them (and I don’t think they are just saying that, because I’ve instructed all my friends that we can’t be friends unless they give me honest feedback on food I shove in their face.)

Phew! So there’s the background. I know some of you may not care about all that. But for those of you that have been loyal MKC readers and have fallen in love with any other cinnamon roll recipe on my site, you know that it is important to me to give you an explanation for why I’m posting yet another recipe for something I’ve already declared the best! 

Here’s my ultimate disclaimer though:

If you have a cinnamon roll recipe that you love and have already deemed BEST EVER, stick with it! No need to change things now! I already know that this recipe may not be for everyone; the world was meant to be a cinnamon roll diverse place. However, if you love to try new recipes, have been looking for the cinnamon roll to end all cinnamon rolls, or you just want to expand your baking horizons, I think you are going to love this one. 

Let’s get into the nitty gritty! 

For this recipe, you can use a stand mixer or mix it by hand because it doesn’t require much kneading and the dough is not super stiff and hard to work with. I have recently been using this Danish dough hook aff. link (that one of you recommended!) for hand-mixed yeast doughs and it is a game changer.

I’ve made this cinnamon roll recipe in my Bosch Universal mixer aff. link and my KitchenAid stand mixer aff. link for testing purposes; I’ll always choose my Bosch for bread making because it’s superior at that kind of task, but a Kitchen Aid will do the job, too. Here’s a quick look at the comparison between these two stand mixers, if you are interested. This recipe doubles GREAT in the Bosch (haven’t tried a double batch in the KitchenAid).

Add 1/2 cup granulated sugar and 1/2 cup neutral-flavored oil to the mixer and pour in the 2 cups scalded milk. 

What is scalded milk? It’s basically milk that’s been heated to just below a boil – doing so changes the protein structure in the milk (none of which I really understand). But what I do know is that the reason many yeast dough recipes calls for scalded milk is because it makes the bread/rolls lighter and fluffier! So do it!

I take the easy way out and microwave the milk for this recipe in a microwave-safe liquid measuring cup. Every microwave will vary, but I heat it for 2-minute increments until little bubbles start to form around the edges and it is steaming. You can do this on the stovetop, too. And yes, I’ve let it go too long and it actually boils, and no, I don’t start over, and yes, the rolls still turn out great (just be aware that boiling milk will foam and rise and most likely spill over so if it does, you’ll want to make sure you have a full 2 cups of hot milk to work with). 

Let the milk/oil/sugar mixture rest for 15 minutes or so until the mixture is warm and not blistery hot. Add in the 4 cups all-purpose flour (I always use unbleached all-purpose) and then sprinkle the 1 tablespoon instant yeast on top of the flour. See the recipe below for how to substitute active dry yeast for the instant yeast. 

If you’ve been a tad bit impatient like me and maybe, possibly, perhaps didn’t let the milk mixture cool off for the full 15 minutes, make sure the yeast is added on top of the flour so it isn’t incorporated straight into the hot milk. 

Start mixing! The dough will be much wetter than a normal cinnamon roll dough. Don’t panic. Things will come together, I promise. 

Mix until no dry streaks remain, scraping down the sides of the bowl if needed. 

Now cover the bowl and let the wet dough (we’ll call it a sponge) rise until puffy and a little bubbly. This takes about 45 minutes to an hour in my kitchen. You can see a noticeable difference as the sponge has had time to rest and rise. 

To the sponge, add 3/4 cup flour, 1/2 teaspoon baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, and 1 1/2 teaspoons salt.

Start mixing again. The dough doesn’t need to be kneaded, necessarily, but you definitely want to let it mix to fully incorporate all the dry ingredients. It will start out rough and shaggy looking but it will come together. 

After about a minute of mixing, it should form a mass of dough that has smoothed out a bit (doesn’t look as rough and spiky). This dough is very soft! Resist the urge to add more flour. As long as it isn’t leaving lots of wet dough residue on the sides of the bowl, it should be ok. 

If you are making the dough in a KitchenAid mixer, I suggest starting with the paddle attachment and moving to the dough hook after adding the last addition of flour, baking powder and baking soda. I find it’s harder to get clean sides of the bowl with this recipe when using the KitchenAid based on the shape of the dough hook and bowl, just try to avoid adding more flour unless it is just so sticky it is impossible to work with. Grease your hands with cooking spray and gather it into a smooth ball before deciding whether to add more flour.

The dough may leave some doughy bits of residue on your fingers or hands, but if you grab a small piece, you should be able to roll it into a somewhat sticky ball. Over flouring this dough will be the death of a great cinnamon roll, so persevere through a bit of stickiness if you can! 

Pile the dough into a lightly greased bowl or container. You can see how soft and stretchy the dough is below. 

Let the dough rise until doubled. The exact time will depend on the warmth of your kitchen, but it takes right about an hour to an hour and a half in my kitchen. I use these handy measured food storage containers for dough rising and about a million other things aff. link. If you live near a Standard Restaurant Supply store (or other restaurant supply store), you can pick them up in various sizes for less than the price on Amazon, FYI. 

Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured counter (I use about 2-3 tablespoons flour) and roll out to about 12X18-inches. Pictured below is my favorite inexpensive and super awesome rolling pin – I have the 13 2/5-inch one aff. link. The size of the rectangle doesn’t have to be exact. I go for this size because it gives several spirals in the cinnamon roll, but if you like your cinnamon rolls puffier, roll the dough into a smaller rectangle so it is thicker. Spread the dough evenly with 8-12 tablespoons butter and sprinkle with cinnamon and brown sugar (I use about 3/4 cup brown sugar + 1 tablespoon cinnamon – Cheryl recommends adding cardamom to the sugar, too, which is delicious). 

Favorite cinnamon = Penzey’s signature cinnamon blend (totally unsponsored but the only cinnamon I use)

Start rolling these bad boys up! Roll tightly without lifting and stretching the dough up and over. If the dough is stretched while rolling, the rolls may have a tendency to shrink while baking. Once rolled, pinch the edge lightly to seal and pat the roll into an even thickness. My rolled up cinnamon roll log usually ends up being about 20 inches long. 

As a quick sidenote, I get this question a lot:

Why do cinnamon rolls shrink and gap while baking? 

That is a great question. And one that has kept me up many a night. In my intense cinnamon roll research, I’ve found it can be due to a variety of things. 1) Stretching and pulling on the dough while rolling into a log (like I mentioned above). When I’ve stretched too much during this part of the process, I’ve noticed that the cinnamon rolls can shrink and gap while baking. 2) Too much butter and/or cinnamon and sugar filling. While baking, the sugar and butter melt (into that glorious buttery/sugary gooeyness), and if the sugar filling is really thick, that leaves a lot more opportunity for gapping after the rolls bake and cool. 3) Rolling the dough too thin. While this may mean less cinnamony spirals, a thicker cinnamon roll rectangle is going to gap less while baking. 4) Letting the cinnamon rolls rise too long before baking. Doing this can cause the cinnamon rolls to deflate slightly in the oven and shrink as they cool. 5) Cramming too many cinnamon rolls into a pan that is too small. When I’ve done this, the rolls press together too much while rising and then fall back and shrink while baking/cooling.

Ok, moving on. Now it’s time to cut the log into rolls! I cut the log in half first. And then I cut each half in half again. And lastly, I cut each of those fourths into thirds. Confused? Haha. It’s easier than it sounds. This inexpensive serrated knife aff. link is my go-to for cutting cinnamon rolls because it doesn’t crush the dough while cutting, but you can use unflavored dental floss or thread. 

My preference is to use a half sheet pan for these rolls (the recipe makes 12 large cinnamon rolls). 

These rolls need room to rise and I’ve learned the hard way that putting them in too small of a pan means they won’t be nearly as fluffy and delicious. Below is a picture of this same recipe (all 12 rolls) baking in a 9X13-inch pan. You can see how close they are together before they’ve even risen. And on the right, after baking, they’ve gapped a lot in the middle and the sides are burned/middles are doughy.

So make sure you give the rolls at least an inch in between so they can breathe and have room to live. You can certainly roll the dough into a large rectangle and make 15-16 rolls out of the batch, instead of 12. If they are smaller, they’ll probably fit in a 9X13-inch pan + an 8X8-inch pan just fine. 

If you are making these to give away, I’ve found rolling them per the recipe (and getting 12 rolls out of the batch) and putting four rolls into an 8X8-inch pan is about perfect for baking smaller batches. Just the right amount of space to bake up fluffy and perfect. Here’s an example of a cinnamon roll baked in a square pan with three other rolls. Get a load of that fluffiness! It’s the perfect size of cinnamon roll if you ask me.

Once the rolls are placed on the baking pan, let them rise until very puffy and touching lightly on most sides (they may not be double in size, but close). 

Bake the rolls at 350 degrees for 18-22 minutes (add time if needed). If you have convection bake, using that setting will help the rolls bake through to the center more quickly, but standard bake is fine, too.

While the rolls bake, make the frosting. You can frost them warm, or let the rolls cool a bit. I like to hit middle ground and frost while they are still just slightly warm so some of the frosting melts down into all the nooks and crannies but still stays a bit solidly soft on top.

Speaking of frosting, I’ve made a lot of cinnamon roll frostings over the years, and the icing I posted with these Yukon gold cinnamon rolls is hands down my favorite. It is the cinnamon roll icing I’ve been searching for my whole life. The delicate, creamy flavor (without an overpowering cream cheese presence) is the best, best, best. You can use various extracts to flavor it – maple, if that’s your thing (yum) or vanilla. 

Lately, with the price of pure vanilla sky high, I’ve been experimenting more with emulsions (scary word that in this case just means flavoring). And wow, this butter vanilla emulsion aff. link adds the most insane yumminess to the cinnamon roll frosting. Kind of gives it a buttery sugar cookie vibe. In.the.frosting. It’s crazy good. And it’s only six bucks a bottle.

Incidentally as a sidenote, my 14-year old made these super soft chocolate chip cookies for a youth activity last week and used that butter vanilla emulsion in place of the vanilla extract and people were apparently saying they’d never had a cookie that tasted so amazing and wanted to know the secret. Emulsions! Haha. 

And since we’re talking random bits of knowledge here, rolling things out on a lightly floured counter is one of my least favorite things to do in the history of ever because of the gummy mess it can leave while wiping up. That is, until I figured out my handy dandy bench knife/scraper aff. link could eliminate the hassle. I use this scraper for so many things, but scraping up floury, cinnamon roll gunk off my counter is one of the reasons it has earned its way into favorite tool status. 

So there you have it! Have we covered everything? I think so! If you’ve made it this far (without skimming), you deserve a major award. 

If you have any additional questions, ask away in the comments and I’ll respond as quickly as I can. I am SO excited for you to get your hands on this recipe and let me know what you think! Enough talking, go make some cinnamon rolls!

One Year Ago: Healthy Yogurt Oat Blueberry or Chocolate Chip! Muffins Two Years Ago: 7-Minute Spaghetti Squash Instant Pot/Pressure Cooker Three Years Ago: Perfect Roasted Vegetables 5 Simple Tips Four Years Ago: White Chocolate Oatmeal Craisin Coconut Cookies Five Years Ago: Light Lemon and Spinach Spaghetti

Yield: 12 large cinnamon rolls

Prep Time: 25 minutes

Cook Time: 20 minutes

Additional Time: 3 hours

Total Time: 3 hours 45 minutes

Ingredients

Sponge:

1/2 cup (3.75 ounces) granulated sugar

1/2 cup neutral-flavored oil

2 cups milk, scalded (heat to just below a boil)

4 cups (20 ounces) all-purpose flour (I use unbleached)

1 tablespoon instant yeast (see note for active dry yeast)

Dough:

3/4 cup (3.75 ounces) all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

Filling:

8-12 tablespoons butter, softened

3/4 cup (5.5 ounces) packed light brown sugar

1 tablespoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon cardamom (optional but delicious)

Icing:

2 ounces cream cheese, softened

8 tablespoons (1 stick, 4 ounces) butter, softened

Pinch salt

2 tablespoons milk or heavy cream

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 3/4 cups (7 ounces) powdered sugar

Instructions

In the bowl of a stand mixer (or in a bowl to mix by hand), add the sugar and oil. Pour in the scalded milk and mix. Let the mixture sit for 15 minutes or so until it is warm but not blazing hot.

Add the 4 cups flour and sprinkle the yeast on top of the flour. Mix until no dry streaks remain and scrape down the sides of the bowl if needed. The dough will be loose and wet-looking. Cover the bowl and let the sponge rest until puffy and doubled, 45 minutes to 1 hour, depending on the warmth of your kitchen.

Add the remaining 3/4 cup flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Mix until the flour is completely incorporated and the dough looks smooth instead of rough and shaggy. It may not necessarily clean the sides of the bowl but it should for a pretty cohesive mass. Add additional flour only if it is too sticky to handle or a small piece of dough won't form a ball in your hands (it's ok if it leaves some doughy residue on your fingers).

Scrape the dough into a lightly greased bowl or container, cover, and let rise until doubled, about an hour.

On a lightly floured counter (I use about 2-3 tablespoons flour), roll or pat the dough into about a 18X12-inch rectangle. Spread the softened butter evenly across the top. Combine the brown sugar and cinnamon (and cardamom, if using) in a bowl and sprinkle evenly across the top of the butter. Pat down very lightly.

Starting with one long end, start rolling the rectangle into a log without pulling and stretching on the dough (but still rolling as tightly as possible). Roll the seam to the bottom and pat the log into an even thickness - it should be about 20 inches long or so at this point.

Cut the log into 12 even pieces. Place the rolls on a parchment-lined half sheet pan, tucking the loose end of the roll underneath, if you want. The rolls should be about an inch apart so they have room to rise. Cover with lightly greased plastic wrap and let rise until noticeably puffy and almost doubled, about an hour.

Bake at 350 degrees F for 18-25 minutes until lightly golden and baked through. Let cool until warm before frosting.

For the frosting, add the cream cheese and butter to a medium bowl. Whip with a handheld (or stand) mixer until creamy. Add the salt, milk or cream, and vanilla. Mix again. Add the powdered sugar and whip until light and creamy.

Spread the slightly warm rolls evenly with the icing. Serve immediately or let cool completely and serve at room temperature (or warm lightly before serving).

Notes

If you only have active dry yeast, proof the same amount of yeast in a couple tablespoons of warm water and a pinch of sugar until the mixture bubbles and foams, 3-4 minutes. Add it to the recipe per the instructions (when the instant yeast is added).

This recipe doubles great (I've only doubled it in my Bosch mixer, not the KitchenAid).

Usually with a yeast dough recipe, I give a big ol' lecture about going by the texture and feel of the dough vs the exact flour amount. With this recipe, the flour amount is important - the dough will probably be softer and slightly stickier than you may be used to - try not to add additional flour. Use the pictures and details in the post to get an idea of how the dough should look and feel. Add additional flour a little at a time only if the dough is too sticky to work with.

Just like Gloria's recipe, these baked cinnamon rolls freeze amazingly well. After they've been frosted and cooled, I'll scoop the rolls one by one into a quart-size ziploc bag, seal and freeze. It gets a little messy with the frosting, but once they are lightly warmed, no one notices - they taste as fresh as the day they were made! It helps to take them out of the bag still frozen and then microwave for a minute or so on 50% power until warm and gooey.

Recipe Source: adapted slightly from a recipe from my friend, Cheryl R (cut the recipe down to smaller size, changed up the mixing method just a little)

Disclaimer: I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Posted on January 21, 2019 by Mel

Source: https://www.melskitchencafe.com/the-best-cinnamon-rolls/

[beebuddyreviews-blog]

Title: Here in the Afterglow // Author: fondleeds (@fondleeds) // Rating: Not Rated // Words: 88,649 // Chapters: 3/3 AU // Completed: 12/8/16

Official Summary: “If you hadn’t noticed, I don’t have many friends,” Louis whispers, the blossom of insecurity in his stomach unfurling and clawing its way into his throat.

Harry is silent for a long time, and then he speaks; a soft, slow uncurl that makes Louis’ stomach shake. “I’ll be your friend.”

-

1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

Green’s Review: This fanfiction begins with the election of Harvey Milk and itt features an honest portrayal of the attitudes of that period. Louis is a closeted high school soccer player, Harry is new to town, and the two of them form a quick bond. Full review under the cut.

Fondleeds has written a few other fics for the Louis/Harry fandom including, I Could Dream All Night and a Rhythm in Rush. She is a diverse author with an incredible ability to depict and incite emotion and she continued this ability in Here in the Afterglow.

Here in the Afterglow is a shining star in a sea of Louis/Harry fanfiction. It captures your attention from the first sentence and does not let it go for three chapters. Fondleeds presents the issue of homophobia in the 1970’s in a raw and honest way. She creates characters that inspire anger, but also hope because you want to see them rise above their prejudices. The title is a great homage to the end of the fic when everything seems to fall into place for these two boys. They do get to sit in the afterglow of their experiences.

Here in the Afterglow is around 88,000 words. It is not an incredibly lengthy fic and yet it achieves just as much, if not more, as you would expect from a 150,000-word fic. Fondleeds manages to create well-rounded characters with understandable motives and a lot of depth. The characters are not just the villains and the good guys – there is much more to every single one of them. Louis is charismatic, as usual, and incredibly loyal to his friends and to his mom. He internalizes most of his struggles and wants to make everyone happy even if that is impeding his own happiness. Harry is a loveable and genuine kid who you begin rooting for as soon as he steps into the story. He and Louis together is something truly beautiful. They become best friends before anything else, care for each other deeply, and offer copious amounts of support to one another. This portrayal of them is one of the most vulnerable I have ever read and I wanted more than anything for them to have their happy ending.

Some villains of the story are Stan – it was interesting to see him in this light, Harry’s mother – who is not Anne, and Jimmy – an actual piece of trash. Stan’s character was very hard for me to reconcile with. He was the character I was rooting for and sadly, he does end up disappointing you. Harry’s mother, Lisa, is another character that I was hoping would surprise me and I think there is hope for her later. A few years past when this story ends, I think she could end up surprising them. In this story I was glad she wasn’t Anne and I think that was a perfect decision on the author’s part because I could never see Anne pulling half of what Lisa did.

Jimmy was always the bad guy and I am glad he got what was coming to him. One of the most powerful moments of the fic for me was when Louis enacted a little revenge on Jimmy. “I came back,” it actually sent chills down my spine and I fist pumped the air. I don’t know if I have ever been as proud of a fictional character as I was of Louis in that moment. I won’t spoil anything for the readers but it was a moving and beautiful moment.

One of my favorite types of fic is slow burn. I literally live and breathe for good slow burn fics. I’m pretty picky though, and I have a limit for how long the “slow burn” portion of the fic can last before it just becomes ridiculous. Here in the Afterglow was the perfect amount of build-up. The pacing was so solid throughout the entire story. No part of Harry and Louis’ relationship seemed rushed or too slow. It was the perfect amount of time between every stage of their relationship. AND THE TENSION. Jesus. It was brilliant. Honestly. I’ll include one of my favorite parts of the fic here, warnings for recreational drug use:

“Fuck, that’s smooth,” Louis says as he exhales, following Harry and leaning back against the tree.

Harry giggles, and his cheek is almost mushed up against the trunk, eyes bright. “Thought you didn’t do ‘this’ a lot.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis inhales again, sticky and sweet. When he exhales, lips wet, he catches

Harry’s eyes. They’re dark in the hazy light. “Doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s good and what’s shit.”

“I like your mouth,” Harry says suddenly, and Louis blinks, pulling back.

“What?” He says, too sharp, too bitter.

“I like the way you talk,” Harry says, lips quirking. “I like your words.”

“You don’t even know me,” Louis says. Harry holds his hand out and Louis passes the joint over, careful not to brush their skin together.

“I want to,” Harry says. “Gotta make friends, don’t I?”

“I suppose,” Louis says indifferently.

“Everyone else is…dull,” Harry says with a wave of his hand, like he’s explaining some great revelation.

“Oh?” Louis splutters a laugh. “We’re a dull bunch are we, down in Post Falls?”

“Everyone else,” Harry repeats with a purposed smile.

Their chemistry is so tangible and brilliant, even in this short preview. Their ability to work off each other just continues to improve as the story goes on. These two characters were perfectly crafted for each other. Here is another quote from a point in the story that I was very excited to get to:

But then Harry lifts a hand, his smooth, delicate hand, and runs a long finger down Louis’ cheek, coming to rest just by the hinge of his jaw. Louis stutters out a breath, gravitating closer, his eyes threatening to flutter closed as Harry touches him.

Harry rests their foreheads together gently, his thumb coming to rub at his jaw, his hand cupping the back of his neck and head. Louis’ body is covered in goosebumps, every inch of him shaking like a leaf, so nervous, so unused to this sort of touch.

I am completely here for characters being soft with each other and Louis and Harry are so incredibly soft in this scene. I think it was the perfect way for them to reach this point of their story.

Another thing I appreciated about this fic was that they bonded over great music as well. The author clearly did a lot of background research on the artists and the albums of that time and it was an amazing addition to her storytelling.

The only thing I have to say I was unsure of in this fic were the parallels between Harry’s back-story and Louis coming into himself. I do understand the reason the author took it into that territory but I’m not 100% behind it. I think she portrayed both of the instances perfectly and was able to get the desperation and hurt across amazingly, but it just didn’t completely work for me. Still, I understand the decision and I still support this beautiful fic. I recommend it to anyone in the fandom who needs a fresh story that is very well written and has well-rounded, compelling characters.

Finally, would you recommend it to Blue: Blue loves her fluff fic. She reads angst but it is usually per my suggestion – except for the Sweet Home Alabama fic, which she forced on me. However, she also loves fics that are well written and I know she would love this portrayal of Louis and Harry. Therefore, yes I would recommend it to her and warn her that the fic is a lot of angst but it’s not pointless and it does end. The ending is very happy and full of hope.

READ IT BLUE.

I have linked to the fic in the title at the top of this post. You can find the author on Tumblr at fondleeds. We always suggest that you leave the author comments and kudos because positive feedback is important! I hope that you have enjoyed my first review. If you have any comments or suggestions feel free to message me!

-GREEN.

[found--family]

Original Flavour Charlie (but since the-ep-that-shall-not-be-named it’s gotta be Rowena)

Dean (it would be a tie between him and Cas except Cas is not technically male ;)

Cas (oh, there we go)

Crowley (no demon could ever top him - except Demon Dean)

12.12 Stuck In The Middle With You (gimme all the homage eps)

Season 7. All dick jokes aside, the cartoonish-creep-factor of the Leviathan was a little too rubber-mask-ridiculous-horror for my liking especially after the angst of Season 6. I did like Frank though, and we got Charlie out of it, and Amnesiac!Cas made those last few eps worth all the previous bullshit of the season. (I’d also omit the whole Amelia/Sam dreamscape nonsense of Season 8 ‘cos whateventhefuckwasthat.)

I’m gonna execute my Free Will card here and say all of them and any time I want because if I can’t physically watch them I can still let them play out in my mind’s eye - or write them out (maybe add in a little extra Destiel..)

Not sure what episode but I’d stay Anonymous and sneak love notes into Dean’s jacket and Cas’ trenchcoat pocket and sign them from each other. (Then I’d grab my popcorn and watch it all play out)

Demon. I’d work my way up to Crossroads Demon just so I could get the teleporting power. Then I’d team up with some humans and become a hunter. (The red eyes are also worth the rung up the ladder)

Don’t Even Suggest That Incest Equals Love

Context..? All of them. Separate, or together. Sastiel friendship. Destiel love. Team Free Will family feels. 

Misha. We could just do errands - post a letter, go on a milk run - but it would be fun and life-affirming because Misha; he’s just one of those people who makes you feel glad to be alive. 

I mean.. you say it like it’s impossible for the show to raise the dead but they’ve brought back everyone at least once.. That being said, Missouri. Her death was kinda pointless and cruel and why bring her back just to kill her off? Plus, she should’ve guest-starred years ago. She’s one of the very few who can out-sass Dean and I would barter a piece of my soul to see her interact with Cas.

(see above ^ ) plus also: Dean fixing up and riding (frequently) one of the vintage motorbikes in the bunker’s garage. Also, do away with the Queerbaiting. And more physical diversity for guest characters and new season regulars (I’m being blinded by all the whiteness dammit). 

I don’t remember pre-season 4 feels, and Seasons 4 and 5 had various eps. But definitely 6.20 and 6.21 because Cas and Dean were glassy-eyed so naturally I was glassy-eyed (and then they spilled over).

Charlie. I kind of didn’t let it hurt because I knew they would bring her back somehow. I mean, I didn’t think they were really gonna let some southern white frankenfreak brutally murder the only LGBT character/main female ally/sweetest badass nerd on the show.. OH. ಥ_ಥ

..I’m so glad the world is ending. *sips scotch* (in context; it was brilliant)

For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this. (the moment I set sail on The Good Ship Destiel tbh)

8.23 when Sam confides in Dean how much he feels he has failed him and Dean makes it clear how much Sam means to him. And on the flipside: 12.22 when Sam lead the hunters to fight the British Invaders and Dean was so damn proud. (there’s multiple in every season ofc but those two stand out in my mind)

From the dead: Crowley + Eileen. From the not-yet-dead: Chuck/God.

Fave: the introduction of the Angels in Season 4 and how they were indeed scarier than demons. Least-Fave: Amelia/Sam; the Leviathans (and no Cas); the regurgitation of Lucifer; the Frankfreaks; the British Bastards’ backstory + mindset; Mary’s whole thing in Apoc!World with Jack. (there’s more but I don’t wanna dwell on the negatives too much)

Lucifer should’ve stayed dead seasons ago (and please don’t dwell on his vessel’s storyline for too long in s14). Also The Angels (as a species): let them go extinct and find another way to save Heaven/make better Angels (NOT Cas though - he must LIVE!). Also Demons. They’re annoying. They’ve been annoying since Season 7/8 tbh. (Ruby and Meg and Crowley were good. The rest are whiny bitches who need to get off my screen now please and thankyou) 

Early Days.. gotta think.. 2.22: the Hellgate opening, John reappearing for a mo, Dean killing Yellow Eyes with The Colt (immortal gif-worthy moment), the impending doom of that cliffhanger which turned out to be anti-climatic in Season 3 but its whatever. (probably a bunch of eps from earlier in Season 2 and then Season 1 but I’d have to re-watch)

To Dean: It’s 2018; embrace your beautiful bi-self. To Sam: Did you know the bunker has a doggy-door? To Cas: Dean was a mess when Luci killed you. Settle in. I have a story to tell..

That’s an essay of a question right there. In short: The characters, the melding of themes, the premise, and the potential for it to go absolutely anywhere - and it did not disappoint:

It’s funny awesome 'cos it’s true :3

Supernatural Related Asks

Favorite female character?

Favorite male character?

Favorite angel?

Favorite demon?

Favorite episode?

If you could rewrite one season, which one would it be? Why?

If you could only watch one season for the rest of your life, what season would it be?

If you could write yourself into one episode, would you? What episode?

What supernatural being would you be?

Wincest, Destiel, or neither?

Sam, Dean, or Cas?

If you could spend the day with one cast member, who would it be? What would you do?

You can bring back one character. Who is it?

Would you ever sell your soul for something/someone? If so, what/who?

What is the first episode that ever made you cry? (if any)

What character death hurt you the most?

Favorite Crowley line?

Favorite Cas line?

Favorite brothers scene?

What side character would you like to see again? 

Favorite and least favorite storyline?

Character you’d gladly kill off?

Favorite pre-s4 episode?

What would you tell each member of Team Free Will if you had the chance to speak to them?

What made you fall in love with Supernatural?

[marleneeats]

Zuly, The Queen of Alfajores

What better way to celebrate sunny day in San Francisco with freshly baked alfajores?

Alfajor(es) is enjoyed all over Central and South America such as Peru, Argentina, and Uruguay and has many versions. I have never known or even tried alfajores before, and I fell in love right at first bite! The melt-in-your-mouth dulce de leche (a milk-based caramel) that is sandwiched between tender and crumbly cookies. Who would not drool at that?

As I was giving myself a treat on a hot Saturday in a fairly new ice cream shop called Garden Creamery in the Mission, I noticed a small pop-up table inside, showcasing different colors of cookie sandwiches. I asked a friend to buy me the matcha (green tea) flavor one while I queued for the ice cream. I noticed the cookies, which real name is alfajores, catch the attention of other people in the line as well.

Top to bottom: matcha, ube, and traditional alfajores. Photo by Marlene.

I chatted with Zuleika Alvarez, or Zuly, at her pop-up the week after and asked her to share more about her journey on becoming the queen of alfajores. 

Marlene: I have never known alfajores before, what is it and where is it originated?

Zuly: They originate from Peru, Argentina, and Cuba. I am Cuban, but they sort of have a different kind of name. They are soft, delicate cookies with smooth and satiny texture. The creamy dulce de leche holds the cookies together.

  Marlene: What starts you to sell alfajores?

Zuly: My family is from Cuba and I grew up with dulce de leche, eating it out of the can and putting it on a cracker. I started baking random things, then one day I just thought I am going to try alfajores because it is not very popular here and is very hard to make. A lot of prep work and labor. It took me a while to perfect it. I started in a little kitchen with tiny oven, three cookie sandwiches at a time! I was giving them away to my friends during my visits and had them try and give comments on my baking.

  I am slowly growing the business and doing the pop-ups. Those were out of the blue! I was not expecting it. I was having dinner with a friend and she invited me to her friend’s ice cream shop (Garden Creamery). Then she told me to do a pop-up in her shop. By the time, I was only selling the traditional ones at my family restaurant. That was when I started doing the different flavors. It is such a new aspiration for me. I did not even like baking. I was more of a cook. My dad is a chef and started his own restaurant in 1982. He was a big inspiration and influence but also being raised by grandmother, she showed me her amazing cooking and baking skills.

  Marlene: What makes your alfajores different than the others?

Zuly: I started with the traditional one, and only just recently I made the matcha, ube, and guava. Matcha has become a thing so I thought I would give it a try. I would say my favorite out of the four would be matcha! Alfajores are usually very thin but I was like “No man, I am going to make these suckers really nice and fat”. I want the inside to be full, giving a little bit more dulce de leche than the usual one. I also wanted to offer something vegan too, like the vegan chocolate chip cookies.

Table setting of Zuly’s Goodies. Photo by Marlene.

Marlene: How did you come up with the different flavors?

Zuly: Ninety percent of my friends are actually Filipino and no one else is doing ube flavor. My friends are my cheerleaders in life. They give me ideas and inspirations as well as feedbacks. I have also been drinking matcha since 2007 and I love it! I used to work retail and I needed energy. So I went to Teavana in Sacramento and the lady said I should try matcha because I was very tired. I felt energized and I like all the beautiful benefits. I love things that are traditional. I wanted to offer something different too. People come to you to look for something fun and specific. You have to stand out.

Photo by Marlene.

Marlene: What kind of matcha do you use? I tried your matcha alfajores last week and it was really tasty!

Zuly: I used My Mix n Matcha for everything, including my drinks. Their matcha is premium quality. There is culinary quality, which is below, but I wanted my cookies to be bright in colors with great taste. I mean, you gotta taste the matcha! I use really good, high-end products and good butter. Everything is handmade by me.

Photo by Marlene.

Marlene: Are you thinking of opening up your own store one day? Or even expanding your menu?

Zuly: These pop-ups are so that I can eventually create my own little store, something small where I can serve coffee and tea and cookies. That is really the goal to have a brick-and-mortar store. But for now I will just be doing the pop-ups so I can financially get there. I would love to have it in San Francisco, because it is very diverse and I love different cultures the city has. Also, everybody is out and walking. It is just awesome!

 For the menu, I think I am going to stick to alfajores but I am working on another alfajores recipe but I have not said anything yet. It is still a secret. It is going to be really cool! I will also be doing gluten free because a lot of people here are gluten free and vegan. I have not done vegan alfajores yet because it is kind of hard to find the filling that stays. But I am trying to make everything for everyone.

  It is important that you bake with passion and joy. I hope I will be doing this my whole life! My soul has always been searching for something and I never thought I would be baking but it is something that lights up my life. I am just excited and happy to bake, it brings me joy. Baked goods sweeten people’s lives. Sweet life, that is what I want to provide people with.

Zuly (middle) and her supportive friends. Photo by Marlene.

After chatting with her, I was very much inspired by her energy and ambition in her career. She rules the kingdom of Alfajorians very well in keeping their stomachs full and pleased. I hope we readers will find our joy and passion too! Or any of you who has, continue to inspire other people and bring the best outcome every day.

Check out her Instagram profile and keep an eye out for her next pop-up! They sell fast!

[santaprofit5-blog]

Our Favorite Feature Stories of 2018

[Photographs: Clay Williams, Vicky Wasik, Jennifer Burns Bright, Adam Kuban, Max Falkowitz]

For most of our readers, the feature stories on Serious Eats aren't the biggest draw—some who know us strictly for our recipes probably don't even realize we publish anything else. But when we looked back at all the features we produced this year, we were struck by both their number and their variety, and it was gratifying (especially for the feature editors among us!) to watch as the whole staff pored over the list and everyone rushed to call dibs on their favorites.

Granted, a "feature" on Serious Eats can mean a lot of very different things: a guide to a particular ingredient, or category of ingredient, or cuisine; an exploration of an odd American regional food or the history behind an iconic international one; an interview from our Obsessed series; a personal essay; a reported investigation of a segment of the food industry.

What we hope these all have in common is that readers will get from them not just what they were expecting when they clicked on the title, but more—we want our personal essays to be personal, but also teach something; we want our guides and other service-oriented pieces to be informative, but also buoyed by a strong voice and sense of humor.

Whatever category they fall into, the features described below are the ones that most resonated with the Serious Eats staff in 2018. We were fascinated by, among other things, the winding and sometimes bizarre history of soy milk in the US, the care and labor that go into making a traditional Japanese breakfast, the baking ingredients we absolutely needed to add to our (apparently understocked) pantries, and a glimpse into the mind of a veteran brewmaster. After you've read this list, we hope you'll find yourself similarly hooked.

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

If you know me, you know that I consider BraveTart to be nothing less than a bible. It's the first baking cookbook I've ever made multiple recipes from, and the only baking cookbook I've ever given as a gift. Every anecdote, brownie, cake, and homemade Oreo provides insight into Stella's soul and genius. And the more I learn, the more I want to learn, which is why I love this post about the pantry items Stella considers essential for baking. Knowing the exact ingredients she uses has definitely given my baking an edge, and when I combine those ingredients with her can't-fail recipes, I know I can achieve the very best version of everything I make. In Stella we trust! —Ariel Kanter, director of commerce strategy and editorial

The Baker's Pantry: All the Staples You Need to Make Amazing Desserts »

[Photograph: Clay Williams]

In the early years of Serious Eats' existence, pizza was a large part of the site's bread and butter, except that instead of bread and butter, it was bread and tomato sauce and cheese. The editors and writers of old SE covered 'za so exhaustively for so many years that, at a certain point, it felt like there wasn't much left to say. After you've written nearly every conceivable recipe, explored every significant pizza joint nationwide (plus thousands of pretty insignificant ones) in more passionate depth than any other publication could ever hope to, and basically written the book on the subject, what else is there?

That's largely why there's been so much less pizza coverage on SE in recent years—the archives speak for themselves. But that's also why it thrilled me to see pizza come roaring back in this great two-part series about pizza in one of its meccas, New York City. Written by Ed, with major assists from pizza experts Adam Kuban and Scott Wiener, the first part (linked below) catches us up to 2018 after several years of Serious Silence on pizza, while the second is a perfectly curated list of some of the very best places to grab a slice citywide. —Daniel Gritzer, managing culinary director

State of the Slice, Part 1 »

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

This isn't exactly a typical feature story, but by the time I'd finished reading, I'd gained much more of an understanding of how to assemble a Japanese breakfast. Sho takes readers to his grandmother's breakfast table in Japan before breaking down the significance of the meal, one component at a time. His writing is funny and warm, and it makes you feel as if a close friend is standing by to assist when this breakfast turns out to be much more complicated than you'd anticipated. —Elazar Sontag, editorial assistant

How to Make a Japanese Breakfast »

[Photograph: Max Falkowitz]

Mezcal is hands down my favorite liquor—I just love the smoky layer it adds to any cocktail. Reading about how painstakingly difficult it is to produce and distill mezcal made me fall that much more in love with the spirit itself. Max takes us through the entire journey, from the agave plant to how mezcaleros capture the smokiness that I adore so much. This very thorough and admirable mezcal bible makes me want to hop on the next flight to Oaxaca. —Grace Chen, office manager and associate podcast producer

The Spirit of Mexico: A Guide to Mezcal »

[Photograph: Jennifer Burns Bright]

As much as I love oysters, my previous knowledge of them sadly didn't extend much beyond "they taste good and sometimes make pearls." Jennifer's article has changed that for me (or brought me out of my shell?). After reading the story of the Olympia oyster and the immense effort it takes to get them on your plate, I'm now deep-diving into the world of bivalves. Their history is fascinating, but I'm mostly grateful for their comeback, because it's now the oyster I look for on any raw-bar menu. —Joel Russo, video producer

This Small West Coast Oyster Is Making a Big Comeback »

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

There is no argument that New York has one of the richest and most ethnically diverse food scenes in the world. This practical list makes global fare (hello, Cuban-Chinese!) accessible on a budget. I keep it bookmarked on my phone as a cheat sheet for casual nights out, when the answer to “Where do you want to eat?” is “I don’t know, but it’s gotta be good and cheap.” —Maggie Lee, UX designer

15 Under $15: Great Bites in NYC That Won't Break the Bank »

[Photograph: Chris Low]

The idea for Becky Selengut's entertaining and informative guide to the Pacific razor clam was originally hatched by Sho, who never met a mollusk he didn't like. But when I took editing responsibilities on it, it became my baby, and though it required a fair amount of coaxing into being—including coordinating a West Coast–based clamming/photography excursion, carried out at twilight, and waiting months on a shipment of live Pacific razor clams to our New York office so Daniel could test out Becky's shucking directions—it felt like a huge triumph when it was finally finished and published.

Okay, maybe my toil isn't enough of a reason for you to read this article, so here are a few real ones: To me, it represents a combination of practical guidance and instruction, "I didn't know that!" fun facts, and personal investment by the author that's ideal in a feature story. Reading it, you understand not only that Becky is an expert at gathering and cooking with these clams, but also that she loves this subject matter. Even if you'll never eat a Pacific razor in your life, it's a joy to read, especially when paired with Chris Low's lovely, moody photos of that evening clamming expedition in the PNW. —Miranda Kaplan, senior editor

Fat, Ugly, and Delicious: A Guide to the Pacific Razor Clam »

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

In a totally different vein from the Pacific razor clam guide, Nadia Berenstein's story on soy milk's journey from a symbol of technological progress, to a health food for religious zealots and hippie environmentalists, to international success and semi-acceptance by the American mainstream, is a great, quirky ride. It's hard not to love a serious food history in which farting emerges as a major theme. —Miranda Kaplan, senior editor

A Brief History of Soy Milk, the Future Food of Yesterday »

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

When Tabitha Blankenbiller pitched us a story about cooking from the American Girl doll cookbooks, I was immediately sold. One of my male counterparts, however, who grew up so far removed from the exorbitant price and captivating realism of the American Girl doll "experience" that he wasn't even sure what American Girl dolls were, was skeptical, to say the least.

I think it speaks volumes that we both wound up enthusiastic about the finished piece, which captures the peculiar zeitgeist of the American Girl doll generation with remarkable accuracy and a cutting humor. It's an irreverent bit of writing that will nonetheless resonate with anyone who has something to feel nostalgic and complicated about. I'll admit that the opportunity to spend a full day of my job building a teeny-tiny kitchen and grooming American Girl dolls for our epic photo shoot was something of a bonus. —Niki Achitoff-Gray, executive managing editor

The Great American Girl Doll Cook-Off »

[Photograph: Adam Kuban]

I really enjoyed Sho's Obsessed interview with Slice founder Adam Kuban. As a pizza-loving Serious Eater, I'm certainly the target audience for this interview, but beyond that, I find Adam's story admirable: He's turned his obsession into businesses, twice (and he's still working at it). —Paul Cline, VP of product

Obsessed: Slicemeister Adam Kuban Deep-Dishes on His Pizza Dreams »

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

I am so happy that amaro has gone mainstream. It used to be really hard to find here in the States, but not anymore. This piece is a great introduction to the perfect digestif, and gives a good rundown of the big-name amari on the market. —Sasha Marx, senior culinary editor

Amari 101: Your Guide to Italy’s Essential Bittersweet Liqueurs »

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Sherry is one of those things folks are always trying to pair with dessert, but despite my background as a pastry chef, I don't know my way around sherry well enough to offer up any meaningful suggestions. Getting to know the various styles and sweetness levels was tremendously helpful in bettering my understanding of how to pair sherries with dessert in a way that will offer the best complement or contrast, rather than hitting all the sugar-sweet notes. —Stella Parks, pastry wizard

Sherry 101: An Introduction to the Hippest Old-Person Drink Around »

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

My path to the discovery of good beer was similar to Garrett Oliver's, in that I drank swill all through college before a revelatory experience opened my eyes shortly thereafter. I became acquainted with the wider world of interesting beer while working as a server at Teresa's Next Door in Wayne, Pennsylvania (a 2018 James Beard Award semifinalist for Outstanding Bar Program). The restaurant had an exhaustive beer list, and I was forced (*ahem*) to taste every beer that rotated through the taps, discovering the complexities and nuance that defined the brewing world beyond Budweiser. Everyone at the restaurant, including me, owned a copy of Oliver's canonical The Brewmaster's Table to learn about styles of beer and how they pair with food.

So I was very excited when Sho's Obsessed interview with this great brewmaster popped up, and the read did not disappoint. The dude is smart as hell and really knows his craft. He speaks so well about the past, present, and future of brewing and his own personal experience, but you can tell he's also brimming with insightful commentary on much more. Oliver's keen mind makes for a fascinating profile—my favorite Obsessed interview of the year. Now, off to find the cut material... —Tim Aikens, front-end developer

Obsessed: Garrett Oliver on Brewing Better Beer »

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

A pretty well-known fact about me around the Serious Eats office is that I love pasta. It's even my spirit food in my masthead photo. Every single Italian recipe that Daniel has made has been photographed (and, most likely, devoured) by yours truly. This comprehensive list not only reminds me of all the tasty bowls of pasta I've eaten, but actually gives me the confidence that I can cook a lot of them on my own! —Vicky Wasik, visual director

The Essential Steps to Mastering Italian Cuisine »

[Illustration: Misha Zadeh]

I admire this piece by Porochista Khakpour immensely, and I feel very lucky for having had the opportunity to work with her. Khakpour is an accomplished novelist and memoirist—her most recent book, Sick, was published this year—and I could read her writing on any subject. While her Nowruz piece is nominally concerned with how meaningful the Persian New Year is for her, what I find so appealing about it is that it is ultimately about how being Iranian is an essential part of her American identity, which I believe is a particularly valuable bit of insight in light of the conversations taking place across the country about immigration. —Sho Spaeth, features editor

A Time of Plenty: Celebrating Nowruz in America »

[Illustration: Tram Nguyen]

I really love the way Mithila Phadke writes, not just about the food in this piece but in general. I think this piece illustrates the range of her voice, and how it can be used to talk about both weighty and light things. What I most like about this piece, though, is that while much of the focus is on her grandmother's cooking and, of course, on her loss, it also manages to deftly underscore how little is understood of the vast and varied cuisine of the Indian subcontinent, even (and especially!) by those who grew up there. I grew up in New Delhi, and I found it incredibly edifying; I hope you all do, too. —Sho Spaeth, features editor

Ajji's Cooking: Preserving an Unsung Cuisine »

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

D. Gritzer's guide to mortars and pestles has everything I like about our service-oriented features. First of all, it goes deep—way deep. Who knew how many kinds of mortars and pestles there were, from every corner of the world: Japanese, Mexican, Thai, and Mediterranean ones, just for starters? Plus, there's plenty of history in the post, all of it engagingly presented to the reader. Finally, Daniel explains in one word what a mortar and pestle does better than more modern inventions: it crushes. Just like Daniel's story does. —Ed Levine, founder

How to Pick the Best Mortar and Pestle »

[Photograph: Jai Williams]

Interest in Lao cuisine appears to be quietly but steadily building across the United States. If, like me, you're naturally curious about it, or if you suddenly find yourself seated before a Lao menu, whip out this fun primer so you can discern muu haeng from siin haeng and learn what goes best with jaew bong. —John Mattia, video editor

A Guide to the Essential Dishes of Laos »

[Illustration: Annelise Capossela]

As a reformed picky eater, I identified so strongly with Irina's story. There's a lot of flexing in food media about the babies of chefs and writers who will eat anything put in front of them because they're the kids of good eaters. But I find the image of Irina's son eating two mac and cheese sandwiches a lot more compelling than those overdone flexes: It speaks to discernment, judgment, and developing your tastes on your own time. —Kristina Bornholtz, social media editor

The Kid Is All Right: In Defense of Picky Eating »

This post may contain links to Amazon or other partners; your purchases via these links can benefit Serious Eats. Read more about our affiliate linking policy.

Source: https://www.seriouseats.com/roundups/favorite-features-2018

[ecotone99]

[SF] Consider For A Moment AKA Ring Any Bells for You? ©Popeye Le Pew – Now and Forevermore

Contains profanity and references to religion

(with the humblest of apologies to John Malkovich)

​

It was somewhere out on Riverside

By the El Royale Hotel

When a stranger appeared in a cloud of smoke

I thought I knew him all too well…

Excerpt from: In the Garden of Allah, ©Don Henley et al.

Somewhere in the depths of an emphatically Acheronian dream it spoke:

“Let me put it in terms that even you, notwithstanding your anorectic human capacity for discernment, may grasp. Consider for a moment a scenario something like this: Somewhere in the warp and weft of the space/time continuum, some cosmic sick-fuck entity... envision a pasty-skinned, frighteningly overweight, greasy-haired slacker-type who hasn’t bathed or changed his food-stained T-shirt and track pants for a couple of weeks and smells so rank his dog steers well clear of him… a degenerate knuckle-dragging exemplification of moral atrophy who, to the misfortune of anything under his dominion, possess a certain degree of omnipotence… (someone like you perhaps? Minus the omnipotence).

Somewhere in the warp and weft of the space/time continuum this error of empyrean phylogeny eventually gets utterly and totally bored with pulling its theoretical wire and decides to write a new program. It creates something uniquely their own and for their exclusive amusement, something to hopefully stem the never-ending tsunami of their ennui... if only just for a metaphysical moment. It conjures up a perfect little mise en scene out in the back forty of what you refer to as the Milky Way... in a simple, modest but nonetheless nifty solar system with a curious collection of satellites circling a pulsating power-plant which keeps them all alive... gives one of those planets an interior dynamo which generates a magnetic field to deflect the radiation put out by that pulsating power-plant so it won't be burned to crisp... covers two thirds of that planet with vast oceans teaming with nigh incomprehensible varieties of life which (and this is of the utmost importance to you, dear reader), hosts a blue/green pottage of photosynthetic phytoplankton... whips up and shapes the land-masses into majestic towering mountains and lush fecund valleys, Brobdingnagian tall-grass-covered steppes, breathtaking canyon panoramas and gently rolling verdant hills... fills this planet with a fantastical assortment of lifeforms, virtually uncountable in number and diversity… all existing within the harmonic perfection of a wholly self-sustaining system. Some would call it... Paradise!!! And some have. That annotated book of fairy tales you humans call The Bible refers to it as The Garden of Eden. Ring any bells for you? But then that execrable empyrean entity, being the sick-fuck that it is, figures it’ll make things a little more interesting on that beautiful blue and green ball circling the Sun by adding a jolt of adrenaline to the whole equation. It gives half of the creatures on that planet a taste for oozing blood and still warm, quivering flesh... it programs the one half to hunt, kill and devour whatever it can run down of the other half, while that other half is programmed to do everything in its power to avoid such a fate. BOO-YEAH!!!! And just like that “Paradise” is transformed into a barbarous and terrifying place for those hunted and eaten... their lives become one of constant heart-pounding horror punctuated by a hideous and sanguinary death… not a particularly pretty picture is it? Sure fun to watch all the action though! But being so easily bored, our sick-fuck cosmic joy-stick pilot cranks-up the entertainment factor another couple of notches and introduces yet another life-form... a quasi-cretinous beast possessing a large brain but an oh so tiny intelligence and a sequence in its DNA making and forever keeping it violent, arrogant, paranoid, fearful and best of all, totally and abjectly insane... and then our fat, foul-smelling and regrettably omnipotent sick-fuck vulgarian of an entity leans back in its Cosmic Barcalounger, reaches for a fistful of Hosetess Twinklies, cracks another can of Diet CokaPepsi Cola and, with a stream of drool slowly marking a path down its pimply unshaven double chin, watches with a dolt-like smirk as those naked, upright insane apes really fuck that beautiful little blue-green planet up... but good!!!!! So-ah... sleep well little human.”

‘No! No, not again! Jeezuz, not again! … Huh? What? Where… where am… I? I? Oh yeah, I remember… oh fuck, that freakin dream again! I gotta get a little more sleep… just a little longer… I’ll explain it all after a bit more shut-eye…’

And... sometime later...

‘OK, OK… I'm awake now… sort of. So… guess you wanna know what's goin on huh? OK then, here it is. But pay attention cuz I'm only gonna tell ya this once…’

That dream…? The one woke me up earlier? That was the dream I first had one night, after a hefty lower-colon cleansing dinner of habañero-slathered burritos and many, many beers… so many beers… and thought little of the next morning, once I struggled to reach the surface through my leaden hangover and regained what might possibly pass for consciousness… I mean, bizarre dreams often do occur subsequent to a massive Mexican alimentary trial-by-fire such as the one in which I like to indulge from time to time.

That first time I had the dream, I came-to bathed in a cold sweat, smelling like the floor of a 99¢ taco-joint that had been mopped with stale Tecate and feeling like a gang of Lincoln Heights homies had done the Jarabe Tapatío on my head (for anyone not familiar with the home of Acapulco Gold’s colourful culture, that would be the Mexican Hat Dance). Or maybe in my head. A perfectly normal morning-after after one of my frequent Friday night-befores. I was lying there wondering who the Hell had filled my mouth with extra-spicy sawdust when the dancing homies decided now was a good time to have street-fight in my guts. I jumped up and hit the floor running, reaching the Temple of Release with not a second to spare and sent Ruben and the Jets back down south of the border. It was a damned close call though, let me tell you. I won’t bother you with the sordid details but suffice to say that yes its true, Mexican food, like firewood does heat you twice. Ooh-whee, does it ever!

After fifteen or so minutes of squatting on (or more like clinging to) the throne, panting like a whipped and winded greyhound, the second searing sting of the hot pepper lash let-up enough so that I could walk again. Sort of. I pulled myself up and shuffled ever so gingerly over to the medicine cabinet for a deep pull on the trusty bottle of Pepto-B I keep on hand for those colonic seismic aftershocks that always follow the initial eruption. Jesus but that stuff tastes gawd-awful! Comes as a rude jolt every time. But it works like a hot-damn to settle a squeamish belly and it sure rinsed the searing hot sawdust out of my throat right-quick. I knocked the bottle back and drained it, catching myself just in time from going back too far and hitting the tiles. Straightening up again, I caught sight of my face in the mirror. Now I’ll be the first to admit it ain't a pretty face at the best of times, and this was definitely not the best of times, but it wasn’t the face that not even a mother could love staring back at me that shocked me to my very depths. Don’t I wish. No, it was when I looked into those bloodshot beady little eyes which my genes have cursed me with that I remembered the dream… in minute detail and with crystal clarity, a clarity that I never ever expected to experience again, not since alcohol and recreational drugs became my constant companions back at the tender age of twelve, or maybe eleven. A cold shiver raced up my spine and back down again, stopping regrettably short of the blast-furnace door between my butt-cheeks, and I had to grip the side of the sink to steady myself.

“Sleep well little human”… those final four words the voice in the dream had spoken… chilling words… they seemed to hang there suspended in the putrid air of the bathroom as I stood staring into those bloodshot eyes staring back at me from the mirror. Those eyes blinked hard a couple of times, but precise focus was still slightly beyond their capability for the moment. Fuck it I scowled as I splashed cold water over my face, it was only a goddamned dream and went to the kitchen to crack my first hangover-chasing brewski of the day. Only a goddamned dream I thought as I downed that beer and reached for another. Maybe I should ease-up on them habañeros next time…

But then, much to my increasing dismay, I had the exact same dream every night for the next month. The same freakin dream, each and every night! Same voice telling me the same story, ending with “Sleep well little human”… each and every night! Even after all I had for dinner was a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of milk! (I do like to play it safe on occasion.) But each and every night for a month…? The same dream…? I started to wonder… exactly what the fuck is going on here. Hey, who wouldn’t? Each and every night? For a month? Had I ever been in full possession of my sanity I might’ve wondered if my grip on said sanity had begun to loosen, but after so many years of free-falling into substance-abuse, there wasn’t much left to wonder about.

Unless I happened to pass-out, which to be honest is getting to be the case more often than I care to admit, hitting the sack soon developed into a tense finale to my day. Night after night I tossed and turned and chewed my lip raw waiting to slide into a fitful slumber, knowing what would inevitably go through my tortured mind as I slept. And then, just like that, I stopped having the dream… went to sleep one night and it didn’t come. Woke up refreshed and well-rested and even made a slew of life-changing promises to myself I knew I’d never keep. Man was I relieved. I slept like a baby night after night, no more of that snide voice sounding like John Malkovich telling me things I DID NOT want to hear. NOT! EVER! Over… finally!

I shouldn’t have been so quick to jump to conclusions. Yeah well, wishful thinking always has been a cheap and easy form of entertainment for me, eh?

After a week or so, the dreams started up again. Well, not exactly the same dream as before, more like a continuation of the first one, as in chapter two of God only knows how many, but it was sort of the same dream, if you catch my drift… same snide John Malkovich voice telling me things I DID NOT want to hear. I could almost picture the prick’s sneer and that look in his eyes that says, “You are an utterly worthless piece of dog-shit. Fuck off and die.” That look… nobody can do that look like Malkovich. I don't even think the guy’s acting when he does that. Chapter two goes something like this:

“You have in fact been set-up, suckered as it were, by a sick-fuck cosmic entity with too much idle time on its hands and nothing better to do than to create something to torment… You and the rest of the pathetic creatures in the world in which you live! Its sad, its sick, but its true. An incontrovertible fact. I suppose you just may find a modest degree of solace in the knowledge that its all beyond your control… that the world is as it is, with or without your presence or contribution. But any solace you may cling to must surely evaporate with the realization that the miserable state of affairs on your pitiful little planet is like a thirty metre monster wave carrying you inexorably forward and that you can do about as much or as little to stop that wave as can a dead fish floating belly-up on the surface of the ocean. All you can do is float there and wait till some seagull swoops down and makes a meal of you, reduces you to your component parts in its gut and shits out what's left of you.

But I suppose I'm being a bit harsh. I mean you are nothing more or less than a victim: the victim of some sick-fuck cosmic entity with too much idle time on its hands, aren’t you? You and your cohabitants of Planet Earth. You are all being used, and I don't mean for just the entertainment value of watching you all squirm either. Did you know that you are in fact being farmed for the fear you produce? I'm not joking, it’s true. Fear, as you may or may not know, is a boundlessly powerful form of energy. What's more, it’s a renewable resource to boot. And its absurdly simple to generate in you creatures. You are afraid of everything, some of you of even your own shadows. You're all programmed to fear, fear, fear… incessantly so. Haven’t you ever wondered why that is? Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret: the capacity to fear is built right into the DNA of all living organisms on your planet, with the exception of some viruses that don't have their own DNA. A bit of a glitch in the system. Oh and also those rare individuals who have no fear, but they're genetic mutations. Another glitch. You cannot and never will overcome your fear: fear is as intrinsic a part of you as is everything else about you. And for certain interested parties in the vast endless cosmos, that's a good thing, because as I pointed out, fear is a source of energy. It drives things out there beyond the stars, things of which you, with your infinitesimal intelligence cannot even begin to conceive. As such, the fear you produce without end is not left to waste. Oh no. You are in fact being milked for your fear as surely as a barn-full of dairy cows are milked daily for the creamy white liquid you pour over your morning helping of Colonel Crunch.

In the simplest of terms, the fear you produce is siphoned off by a mechanism known to you humans as the moon. The moon, as you are aware (or perhaps not), has a light side and a dark side. The light side, being the side which always faces the earth, collects the fear while the dark side beams it to the outer planets of your solar system, which are nothing other than relay stations. Those relay stations then send your fear on to an assortment of cosmic fear-farmers who use it to fuel those… those…lets just call them engines, which they employ for purposes you cannot even begin to grasp. It’s a fairly complex system, but it has to be in order to process the humongous volumes of fear produced by you beings non-stop. So, for certain interested parties in the vast and endless cosmos, your planet is an extremely valuable commodity and those parties see to it that nothing ever occurs to hinder, obstruct or eliminate that energy source, regardless of how diligently and repeatedly you try to off yourselves and the planet you inhabit.

I imagine it must warm the very cockles of your heart knowing that, in spite of how utterly contemptible you terrestrial life-forms truly are, you do actually serve a purpose other than for merely an entertainment factor.

But, try as you may, you will never ever be allowed to destroy yourselves and your planet. Not completely or permanently at any rate. Oh sure, you're heading there at this very moment, toward destroying yourselves, and at a tremendous speed I might add. But though it is now a foregone conclusion that all life as you know it on your planet will soon be gone, let us not make hasty or unfounded assumptions. Lets focus on those five key words, life as you know it, shall we? Only life as you know it, not life itself will soon meet its end at the filthy un-washed hands of you humans yourselves.

Though your lovely little blue and green marble hurtling through space will presently resemble one of those charcoal briquettes with which you people like to ruin a perfectly good cut of meat, say within fifty years max, it’ll all start over again soon enough. Relatively speaking. And sooner than you may suspect. This fear-factory you call home has done so innumerable times and will continue to do so for all eternity. It will probably surprise you to hear it but what you creatures so preposterously refer to as civilization has come and gone on your little planet time and time again. The whole shit-heap goes poof and then gradually rebuilds itself. Happens every 100,000 years or so, give or take a few. Don't believe it? I understand, you are chumps after all and insane, crazier than a pack of shit-house rats, n’est-ce pas? But consider for a moment: by your measuring the planet is 6.5 billion years old. Lets say it took all of 5 billion years for complex life systems to appear and establish themselves, that then means the world as you know it could very well have come and gone 15,000 times. That's right, 15,000 times. A sobering thought is it not? Even for a piss-tank such as you. What!!!? You thought you were the first? You really want to believe that don't you? Just as some of you want to believe that this God of yours created the world and everything on it a mere 6,000 years ago. Don't flatter yourself: you are as dumb a fuck as the entity that created your world is a sick-fuck, you know that? And you know what else? Every single one of those 15,000 times you got snuffed? Save for two occasions, none other than you yourselves were the responsible party. Talk about a bunch of brats breaking their toys! You creatures are a riot… in every sense of the word.

But the best part of all is the fact that you humans call this sick-fuck cosmic entity who wrote the program within which you find yourselves God!!! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo… that's rich! You’ve all convinced yourselves and each other that this GOD is to be worshipped, obeyed and feared! Feared…? Absolutely. Obeyed? You have no other options. Obedience is embedded in your DNA as is fear, about which I have just enlightened you. But worship? How could you and why would you worship something like your creator? And that's creator with a small ‘C’ by the way. Well, the lot of you are insane after all, irreversibly so, so that could just explain it. And what's more, you are all pieces of dog-shit, though not entirely worthless. The best thing that you could do for yourselves is to fuck off and die, each and every one of you. The sooner the better. Sleep well little human.”

It got so I couldn’t bear to watch another Malkovich film. Every time I saw his face, with that sneering mouth and fuck off and die expression, my nerves started to do the shimmies… bad. I was expecting the dude on the screen to look straight at me and start talking to me like the voice in my dreams. I just couldn’t take it anymore. So no more Malkovich films for me. Sorry John, its nothing personal. I mean you sure have made some stinkers in your time, haven’t you? Hell, who in your line of work hasn’t, eh? But all in all, I think you're a damned fine actor, way better than most of those sub-normal man-bun hacks who figure they’re some kind of particularly gifted thespian. As if they even know what the fuck that means

But its those dreams John, if you could just stay the fuck out of my dreams, I could maybe reconsider... Like... fuhgedabowdit, ya know?

submitted by /u/PopeyeLePew [link] [comments] via Blogger http://bit.ly/2JkQIgf

[japanheart88-blog]

The Best Cinnamon Rolls Cheryl’s Famous Recipe – with step-by-step tutorial and tons of tips

This recipe for the best cinnamon rolls EVER will make you rethink who you are and every cinnamon roll recipe you’ve ever made! They are so light, so fluffy, and so amazing!

Well, today is a big, BIG day. 

Several weeks ago, I quickly mentioned (in this Friday Thoughts post) that I had found “the cinnamon roll recipe to end all cinnamon roll recipes” and I asked if you had room in your heart for one more cinnamon roll recipe? Haha. Hundreds of you responded saying: uh, hello, are you crazy, BRING IT ON! While the other two of you said: don’t need another cinnamon roll recipe, thankyouverymuch. 

I’ve been buried under requests for this recipe ever since. You’ve emailed. You’ve commented. You’ve found my personal Instagram account and stalked me there to ask for it. You’ve begged. You’ve pleaded. You’ve called. You’ve emailed and commented and asked again. 🙂

Although I had already made the recipe several times when I mentioned it that Friday, I wanted to make it several more times and take lots and lots of pictures in order to make sure I could provide the most foolproof recipe and preempt any troubleshooting. In total, I’ve made this best-ever cinnamon roll recipe at least nine times since my friend, Cheryl, gave it to me mid-December. 

Speaking of Cheryl, I gotta give this lady all the credit. She’s the source of the greatest cinnamon roll recipe of all time! And she’s adorable (and so nice). 

So is her husband. That’s him, Jean (pronounced John), making his other-worldly artisan bread. He’s a master bread baker. And Cheryl is one of the most accomplished, gourmet cooks and home bakers I’ve ever met. Like, she takes everything totally next level (they had us over for a Mediterranean-inspired dinner and I could barely eat, I was so in awe at the amazing spread). And these cinnamon rolls are no exception. Thank you, Cheryl! And thanks for letting me share the love with everybody about this recipe!

One of the most common phrases I’ve heard over the last couple weeks as you’ve requested this recipe is: I don’t know how they can be better than Gloria’s cinnamon rolls*, but I’m willing to try! (*Or these vanilla pudding cinnamon rolls or these Yukon gold cinnamon rolls.)

And trust me, I thought the same thing! The backstory is important here. So let me explain really quickly. At a church activity mid-December, I won an innocent-looking disposable square pan of cinnamon rolls as a Bunco prize. I’m wired to never turn down a pan of cinnamon rolls. When I found out Cheryl had made them, I was even more excited. I had no choice but to dig in right then and there even though the dice were still rolling.  I was stunned. How could a cinnamon roll be this light and fluffy? This amazing? I mean, I don’t want to brag, but I already make a ridiculously great cinnamon roll, but these were totally beyond deliciousness, and I began to doubt everything I thought I knew about cinnamon rolls.

I cornered Cheryl in the hallway to ask if she’d be willing to share the recipe after several of us women basically ate the whole pan and unanimously agreed: these cinnamon rolls = lifechanging. I had to whip my phone out faster than an old western gunslinger because Cheryl started rattling off the recipe by memory and I wanted to type in every detail. In my mind, I had already decided that if the ingredient lineup and method was basically the same as the other beloved cinnamon roll recipes on my site, I’d just chalk it up to the fact that Cheryl had a magic cinnamon roll touch. I’d be sad for a minute that I was missing this magical cinnamon roll making gene, but I probably wouldn’t need or use a recipe that was a similar variation to others I make all the time. 

But. That wasn’t the case at all. As she gave me the recipe, I realized this was a cinnamon roll game changer and unlike any cinnamon roll recipe I’d made before. Because the amount of variation was so great, I knew I could (and needed to) post it to stand alongside the other great cinnamon roll recipes in my archives. 

And because the ingredients and mixing method and dough texture are unlike other cinnamon roll doughs I’ve made, the resulting cinnamon rolls are lighter in texture and much fluffier. You don’t have to take just my word for it either. I’ve already said before that Brian is the resident cinnamon roll snob. He doesn’t like it when I mess with a good thing, and he already loved the cinnamon roll recipes I’ve posted before. But even he agrees 100% that these are the best cinnamon rolls I’ve ever made.

I even dared make them for my Aunt Marilyn (who introduced me to Gloria’s recipe years ago!), Uncle Dan and cousin Lydia, who take “cinnamon roll snob” to a whole new level. Dan almost didn’t try them because he’s so loyal to Gloria’s recipe. After eating, analyzing, eating, and analyzing (that’s what I make you do if you come to my house), Lydia said they were “way better than any other recipe,” Marilyn admitted they were “absolutely incredible,” and Dan conceded that although he’d never say they were better than Gloria’s recipe, they were “definitely on the same level.” I’ve given so many of these cinnamon rolls away as I’ve tested the recipe; every single person has honestly raved over them (and I don’t think they are just saying that, because I’ve instructed all my friends that we can’t be friends unless they give me honest feedback on food I shove in their face.)

Phew! So there’s the background. I know some of you may not care about all that. But for those of you that have been loyal MKC readers and have fallen in love with any other cinnamon roll recipe on my site, you know that it is important to me to give you an explanation for why I’m posting yet another recipe for something I’ve already declared the best! 

Here’s my ultimate disclaimer though:

If you have a cinnamon roll recipe that you love and have already deemed BEST EVER, stick with it! No need to change things now! I already know that this recipe may not be for everyone; the world was meant to be a cinnamon roll diverse place. However, if you love to try new recipes, have been looking for the cinnamon roll to end all cinnamon rolls, or you just want to expand your baking horizons, I think you are going to love this one. 

Let’s get into the nitty gritty! 

For this recipe, you can use a stand mixer or mix it by hand because it doesn’t require much kneading and the dough is not super stiff and hard to work with. I have recently been using this Danish dough hook aff. link (that one of you recommended!) for hand-mixed yeast doughs and it is a game changer.

I’ve made this cinnamon roll recipe in my Bosch Universal mixer aff. link and my KitchenAid stand mixer aff. link for testing purposes; I’ll always choose my Bosch for bread making because it’s superior at that kind of task, but a Kitchen Aid will do the job, too. Here’s a quick look at the comparison between these two stand mixers, if you are interested. This recipe doubles GREAT in the Bosch (haven’t tried a double batch in the KitchenAid).

Add 1/2 cup granulated sugar and 1/2 cup neutral-flavored oil to the mixer and pour in the 2 cups scalded milk. 

What is scalded milk? It’s basically milk that’s been heated to just below a boil – doing so changes the protein structure in the milk (none of which I really understand). But what I do know is that the reason many yeast dough recipes calls for scalded milk is because it makes the bread/rolls lighter and fluffier! So do it!

I take the easy way out and microwave the milk for this recipe in a microwave-safe liquid measuring cup. Every microwave will vary, but I heat it for 2-minute increments until little bubbles start to form around the edges and it is steaming. You can do this on the stovetop, too. And yes, I’ve let it go too long and it actually boils, and no, I don’t start over, and yes, the rolls still turn out great (just be aware that boiling milk will foam and rise and most likely spill over so if it does, you’ll want to make sure you have a full 2 cups of hot milk to work with). 

Let the milk/oil/sugar mixture rest for 15 minutes or so until the mixture is warm and not blistery hot. Add in the 4 cups all-purpose flour (I always use unbleached all-purpose) and then sprinkle the 1 tablespoon instant yeast on top of the flour. See the recipe below for how to substitute active dry yeast for the instant yeast. 

If you’ve been a tad bit impatient like me and maybe, possibly, perhaps didn’t let the milk mixture cool off for the full 15 minutes, make sure the yeast is added on top of the flour so it isn’t incorporated straight into the hot milk. 

Start mixing! The dough will be much wetter than a normal cinnamon roll dough. Don’t panic. Things will come together, I promise. 

Mix until no dry streaks remain, scraping down the sides of the bowl if needed. 

Now cover the bowl and let the wet dough (we’ll call it a sponge) rise until puffy and a little bubbly. This takes about 45 minutes to an hour in my kitchen. You can see a noticeable difference as the sponge has had time to rest and rise. 

To the sponge, add 3/4 cup flour, 1/2 teaspoon baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, and 1 1/2 teaspoons salt.

Start mixing again. The dough doesn’t need to be kneaded, necessarily, but you definitely want to let it mix to fully incorporate all the dry ingredients. It will start out rough and shaggy looking but it will come together. 

After about a minute of mixing, it should form a mass of dough that has smoothed out a bit (doesn’t look as rough and spiky). This dough is very soft! Resist the urge to add more flour. As long as it isn’t leaving lots of wet dough residue on the sides of the bowl, it should be ok. 

If you are making the dough in a KitchenAid mixer, I suggest starting with the paddle attachment and moving to the dough hook after adding the last addition of flour, baking powder and baking soda. I find it’s harder to get clean sides of the bowl with this recipe when using the KitchenAid based on the shape of the dough hook and bowl, just try to avoid adding more flour unless it is just so sticky it is impossible to work with. Grease your hands with cooking spray and gather it into a smooth ball before deciding whether to add more flour.

The dough may leave some doughy bits of residue on your fingers or hands, but if you grab a small piece, you should be able to roll it into a somewhat sticky ball. Over flouring this dough will be the death of a great cinnamon roll, so persevere through a bit of stickiness if you can! 

Pile the dough into a lightly greased bowl or container. You can see how soft and stretchy the dough is below. 

Let the dough rise until doubled. The exact time will depend on the warmth of your kitchen, but it takes right about an hour to an hour and a half in my kitchen. I use these handy measured food storage containers for dough rising and about a million other things aff. link. If you live near a Standard Restaurant Supply store (or other restaurant supply store), you can pick them up in various sizes for less than the price on Amazon, FYI. 

Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured counter (I use about 2-3 tablespoons flour) and roll out to about 12X18-inches. Pictured below is my favorite inexpensive and super awesome rolling pin – I have the 13 2/5-inch one aff. link. The size of the rectangle doesn’t have to be exact. I go for this size because it gives several spirals in the cinnamon roll, but if you like your cinnamon rolls puffier, roll the dough into a smaller rectangle so it is thicker. Spread the dough evenly with 8-12 tablespoons butter and sprinkle with cinnamon and brown sugar (I use about 3/4 cup brown sugar + 1 tablespoon cinnamon – Cheryl recommends adding cardamom to the sugar, too, which is delicious). 

Favorite cinnamon = Penzey’s signature cinnamon blend (totally unsponsored but the only cinnamon I use)

Start rolling these bad boys up! Roll tightly without lifting and stretching the dough up and over. If the dough is stretched while rolling, the rolls may have a tendency to shrink while baking. Once rolled, pinch the edge lightly to seal and pat the roll into an even thickness. My rolled up cinnamon roll log usually ends up being about 20 inches long. 

As a quick sidenote, I get this question a lot:

Why do cinnamon rolls shrink and gap while baking? 

That is a great question. And one that has kept me up many a night. In my intense cinnamon roll research, I’ve found it can be due to a variety of things. 1) Stretching and pulling on the dough while rolling into a log (like I mentioned above). When I’ve stretched too much during this part of the process, I’ve noticed that the cinnamon rolls can shrink and gap while baking. 2) Too much butter and/or cinnamon and sugar filling. While baking, the sugar and butter melt (into that glorious buttery/sugary gooeyness), and if the sugar filling is really thick, that leaves a lot more opportunity for gapping after the rolls bake and cool. 3) Rolling the dough too thin. While this may mean less cinnamony spirals, a thicker cinnamon roll rectangle is going to gap less while baking. 4) Letting the cinnamon rolls rise too long before baking. Doing this can cause the cinnamon rolls to deflate slightly in the oven and shrink as they cool. 5) Cramming too many cinnamon rolls into a pan that is too small. When I’ve done this, the rolls press together too much while rising and then fall back and shrink while baking/cooling.

Ok, moving on. Now it’s time to cut the log into rolls! I cut the log in half first. And then I cut each half in half again. And lastly, I cut each of those fourths into thirds. Confused? Haha. It’s easier than it sounds. This inexpensive serrated knife aff. link is my go-to for cutting cinnamon rolls because it doesn’t crush the dough while cutting, but you can use unflavored dental floss or thread. 

My preference is to use a half sheet pan for these rolls (the recipe makes 12 large cinnamon rolls). 

These rolls need room to rise and I’ve learned the hard way that putting them in too small of a pan means they won’t be nearly as fluffy and delicious. Below is a picture of this same recipe (all 12 rolls) baking in a 9X13-inch pan. You can see how close they are together before they’ve even risen. And on the right, after baking, they’ve gapped a lot in the middle and the sides are burned/middles are doughy.

So make sure you give the rolls at least an inch in between so they can breathe and have room to live. You can certainly roll the dough into a large rectangle and make 15-16 rolls out of the batch, instead of 12. If they are smaller, they’ll probably fit in a 9X13-inch pan + an 8X8-inch pan just fine. 

If you are making these to give away, I’ve found rolling them per the recipe (and getting 12 rolls out of the batch) and putting four rolls into an 8X8-inch pan is about perfect for baking smaller batches. Just the right amount of space to bake up fluffy and perfect. Here’s an example of a cinnamon roll baked in a square pan with three other rolls. Get a load of that fluffiness! It’s the perfect size of cinnamon roll if you ask me.

Once the rolls are placed on the baking pan, let them rise until very puffy and touching lightly on most sides (they may not be double in size, but close). 

Bake the rolls at 350 degrees for 18-22 minutes (add time if needed). If you have convection bake, using that setting will help the rolls bake through to the center more quickly, but standard bake is fine, too.

While the rolls bake, make the frosting. You can frost them warm, or let the rolls cool a bit. I like to hit middle ground and frost while they are still just slightly warm so some of the frosting melts down into all the nooks and crannies but still stays a bit solidly soft on top.

Speaking of frosting, I’ve made a lot of cinnamon roll frostings over the years, and the icing I posted with these Yukon gold cinnamon rolls is hands down my favorite. It is the cinnamon roll icing I’ve been searching for my whole life. The delicate, creamy flavor (without an overpowering cream cheese presence) is the best, best, best. You can use various extracts to flavor it – maple, if that’s your thing (yum) or vanilla. 

Lately, with the price of pure vanilla sky high, I’ve been experimenting more with emulsions (scary word that in this case just means flavoring). And wow, this butter vanilla emulsion aff. link adds the most insane yumminess to the cinnamon roll frosting. Kind of gives it a buttery sugar cookie vibe. In.the.frosting. It’s crazy good. And it’s only six bucks a bottle.

Incidentally as a sidenote, my 14-year old made these super soft chocolate chip cookies for a youth activity last week and used that butter vanilla emulsion in place of the vanilla extract and people were apparently saying they’d never had a cookie that tasted so amazing and wanted to know the secret. Emulsions! Haha. 

And since we’re talking random bits of knowledge here, rolling things out on a lightly floured counter is one of my least favorite things to do in the history of ever because of the gummy mess it can leave while wiping up. That is, until I figured out my handy dandy bench knife/scraper aff. link could eliminate the hassle. I use this scraper for so many things, but scraping up floury, cinnamon roll gunk off my counter is one of the reasons it has earned its way into favorite tool status. 

So there you have it! Have we covered everything? I think so! If you’ve made it this far (without skimming), you deserve a major award. 

If you have any additional questions, ask away in the comments and I’ll respond as quickly as I can. I am SO excited for you to get your hands on this recipe and let me know what you think! Enough talking, go make some cinnamon rolls!

One Year Ago: Healthy Yogurt Oat Blueberry or Chocolate Chip! Muffins Two Years Ago: 7-Minute Spaghetti Squash Instant Pot/Pressure Cooker Three Years Ago: Perfect Roasted Vegetables 5 Simple Tips Four Years Ago: White Chocolate Oatmeal Craisin Coconut Cookies Five Years Ago: Light Lemon and Spinach Spaghetti

Yield: 12 large cinnamon rolls

Prep Time: 25 minutes

Cook Time: 20 minutes

Additional Time: 3 hours

Total Time: 3 hours 45 minutes

Ingredients

Sponge:

1/2 cup (3.75 ounces) granulated sugar

1/2 cup neutral-flavored oil

2 cups milk, scalded (heat to just below a boil)

4 cups (20 ounces) all-purpose flour (I use unbleached)

1 tablespoon instant yeast (see note for active dry yeast)

Dough:

3/4 cup (3.75 ounces) all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

Filling:

8-12 tablespoons butter, softened

3/4 cup (5.5 ounces) packed light brown sugar

1 tablespoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon cardamom (optional but delicious)

Icing:

2 ounces cream cheese, softened

8 tablespoons (1 stick, 4 ounces) butter, softened

Pinch salt

2 tablespoons milk or heavy cream

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 3/4 cups (7 ounces) powdered sugar

Instructions

In the bowl of a stand mixer (or in a bowl to mix by hand), add the sugar and oil. Pour in the scalded milk and mix. Let the mixture sit for 15 minutes or so until it is warm but not blazing hot.

Add the 4 cups flour and sprinkle the yeast on top of the flour. Mix until no dry streaks remain and scrape down the sides of the bowl if needed. The dough will be loose and wet-looking. Cover the bowl and let the sponge rest until puffy and doubled, 45 minutes to 1 hour, depending on the warmth of your kitchen.

Add the remaining 3/4 cup flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Mix until the flour is completely incorporated and the dough looks smooth instead of rough and shaggy. It may not necessarily clean the sides of the bowl but it should for a pretty cohesive mass. Add additional flour only if it is too sticky to handle or a small piece of dough won't form a ball in your hands (it's ok if it leaves some doughy residue on your fingers).

Scrape the dough into a lightly greased bowl or container, cover, and let rise until doubled, about an hour.

On a lightly floured counter (I use about 2-3 tablespoons flour), roll or pat the dough into about a 18X12-inch rectangle. Spread the softened butter evenly across the top. Combine the brown sugar and cinnamon (and cardamom, if using) in a bowl and sprinkle evenly across the top of the butter. Pat down very lightly.

Starting with one long end, start rolling the rectangle into a log without pulling and stretching on the dough (but still rolling as tightly as possible). Roll the seam to the bottom and pat the log into an even thickness - it should be about 20 inches long or so at this point.

Cut the log into 12 even pieces. Place the rolls on a parchment-lined half sheet pan, tucking the loose end of the roll underneath, if you want. The rolls should be about an inch apart so they have room to rise. Cover with lightly greased plastic wrap and let rise until noticeably puffy and almost doubled, about an hour.

Bake at 350 degrees F for 18-25 minutes until lightly golden and baked through. Let cool until warm before frosting.

For the frosting, add the cream cheese and butter to a medium bowl. Whip with a handheld (or stand) mixer until creamy. Add the salt, milk or cream, and vanilla. Mix again. Add the powdered sugar and whip until light and creamy.

Spread the slightly warm rolls evenly with the icing. Serve immediately or let cool completely and serve at room temperature (or warm lightly before serving).

Notes

If you only have active dry yeast, proof the same amount of yeast in a couple tablespoons of warm water and a pinch of sugar until the mixture bubbles and foams, 3-4 minutes. Add it to the recipe per the instructions (when the instant yeast is added).

This recipe doubles great (I've only doubled it in my Bosch mixer, not the KitchenAid).

Usually with a yeast dough recipe, I give a big ol' lecture about going by the texture and feel of the dough vs the exact flour amount. With this recipe, the flour amount is important - the dough will probably be softer and slightly stickier than you may be used to - try not to add additional flour. Use the pictures and details in the post to get an idea of how the dough should look and feel. Add additional flour a little at a time only if the dough is too sticky to work with.

Just like Gloria's recipe, these baked cinnamon rolls freeze amazingly well. After they've been frosted and cooled, I'll scoop the rolls one by one into a quart-size ziploc bag, seal and freeze. It gets a little messy with the frosting, but once they are lightly warmed, no one notices - they taste as fresh as the day they were made! It helps to take them out of the bag still frozen and then microwave for a minute or so on 50% power until warm and gooey.

Recipe Source: adapted slightly from a recipe from my friend, Cheryl R (cut the recipe down to smaller size, changed up the mixing method just a little)

Disclaimer: I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Posted on January 21, 2019 by Mel

Source: https://www.melskitchencafe.com/the-best-cinnamon-rolls/