#i just got a new laptop ! my school bought one just yesterday and gave it to me bc i have a 100% scholarship not to brag or anything
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i love writing
#rasa speaks#i just got a new laptop ! my school bought one just yesterday and gave it to me bc i have a 100% scholarship not to brag or anything#so im gonna be writing more hopefully WOOOO
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Settling In: Elder Sister
Inspired by @i-cant-sing and their Yandere Todoroki Family series
There isn't a clock in your room. There is a bathroom but no clock. You don’t have a phone, but there is a laptop still on the desk. You could look at the time on there, but your curiosity isn’t worth getting out of this bed. The bed itself is absolutely massive, dwarfing you on all sides. You can stretch out and be nowhere near any of the edges. It’s the most comfortable bed you’ve ever slept upon. Knowing what time it is isn’t as important as the comfort this bed provides.
It’s early morning and the sun is just starting to rise. You know that much. Looking out of the window, you see the golden yellow sun illuminating the sky, pushing out the dark, depressing night sky.
It’s a new day, one filled with potential and hope. You aren’t immediately put off by living here. Sure, nothing will replace your parents, but Rei and Enji aren’t bad. They seem to be strict, but so was your last couple of homes. This is an upgrade, truly.
You can hear your door unlock. You turn to it, seeing Rei in the entrance. For a brief moment, you see a golden object much like the sun you were just staring at. Though, you blame it on a trick of the light. The door wasn’t locked; you didn’t lock the door last night.
“Ah, [Y/N].” A shocked expression quickly melts into the warm smile she gave you all of yesterday, “You’re up already. Don’t tell me you’ve been up all night!”
“Oh no.” You move to sit on the side of the bed. Though you had the ability to, you didn’t put the canopy part of your princess bed down. It’s a little babyish for your taste, though you’d never admit it, “I haven’t been up long. The sunrise was really pretty this morning.”
“I know; I saw.” Rei grabs your hands, helping you up and towards your closet, “Maybe I’ll wake you up earlier and we can watch it together.”
“Alright.” It’s your new favorite response. It’s perfect for situations you agree with, but have no other words to say on the matter.
Rei lets go of your hands and you let them fall to the sides of your pale pink nightgown. You didn’t really like this when Rei bought it, but you never said anything. You’ll try to stay in their good graces as long as possible.
“Now, let’s pick you out something to wear today while we go over house rules.”
She does exactly what she says she’s going to do. You appreciate her honesty, even if the clothes aren’t your style and the rule list is something you’ll probably not remember. She’s honest, unlike prior caretakers.
You’re handed a white sweater with bubblegum pink hearts on the elbows. They’re about as big as your fist, with the heart’s point pointing towards your wrists. With how it’s made, you can’t see the hearts. They’re for other people to look at. That’s the epitome of your new wardrobe. You don’t mind it too much.
The matching skirt is pink and pleated, not unlike the cheer skirts the cheerleaders at your old school wore. The white stockings ruin the cheerleader image, but they keep you warm. Every room Rei steps into turns cold. Every room Enji steps into becomes hot. You don’t imagine that Enji is here much, being the number one hero. But Rei is here, possibly all of the time. You’ll need to keep warm around her. Shoes are forgone. You’re probably not leaving the house today.
She leads you towards the vanity. The warm lights are flipped on and you look at yourself in the mirror. Wordlessly, she does your hair. You look yourself in the mirror. This is similar to how your peers used to play with dolls. She does your hair and dresses you up without allowing your input. At least she doesn’t make you stay silent. You’ve already had a home like that.
“Umm… Rei?” You ask tentatively, “What are we going to be doing today?”
“My other daughter is coming around.” Rei replies, smiling at you through the mirror, “She comes around, once a week or so, to check in on me.”
You smile back at her, looking away from yourself and at her reflection, “Alright.”
Rei helps you up out of the vanity’s stool. She leads you to another room. This one is wall to wall windows, near the center of the complex. Waiting there is a conservatively dressed adult, with mid-length, almost completely white hair. Red splotches break through the strands of snowfall colored hair. You’d think it would be a bad dye job, but the family pictures on the wall show a younger her, with the same red splotched, white hair. You like her hair. It’s interesting.
“Mom.” The adult woman pulls Rei in for a hug. When they untangle, she waves at you, “Y/N, right? Call me Fuyumi. Nice to meet you.”
She’s inherited her mother’s smile and cool air radiates from her. Fuyumi looks very much like her mother, except for the bright blue eyes Enji drilled into your soul yesterday. They’re kinder, softer. She doesn’t make you instantly uneasy, like he does.
“Uhh, hi.” You wave back, “Nice to meet you too.”
Rei grabs your arm. Her icy fingers drag you to another soft seat—this time, being this room’s light grey, almost white couch. You wouldn’t want to stain or ruin this. It’s way too nice. Fuyumi sits in an adjacent chair. It looks almost identical to the couch and contrasts with her dark jeans. Rei wears dresses
“I’ll start breakfast.” Rei comments, “Will you be staying for breakfast, Fuyumi?”
“Do you need help?” Fuyumi stands back up almost immediately, “I thought you all would’ve already had breakfast. We could help! You don’t have to do it by yourself.”
Rei laughs lightly, “Oh Fuyumi, you worry too much. As long as you two stay out of the kitchen, I’ll be fine. And besides, you two should get to know each other. I’m sure you’ll love Y/N. It’s impossible not to.”
“Alright…” Fuyumi responds, “If you say so.”
Wordlessly, Rei leaves and Fuyumi sits back down. The sun’s well in the sky now. You can see it through any of the countless windows. This would look cooler, when the weather wasn’t so nice. Though, the sunlight warms the room slightly.
“So... Y/N. How was your first night?” Fuyumi turns to you, smiling once again. Her worried expression with Rei has all but melted away. You don’t know why she’d be so worried about the adult, she seems extremely capable. Maybe it’s age? Or it’s because of something you don’t know about, yet? Anyways, it’s not your place to add.
“Alright.” You decide on answering the question and not asking your own, “I got to watch the sunrise.”
“I did too, back at my place.” Fuyumi comments, “though, it’s not as nice in the city, as it is out here.”
The Todoroki residence is on a massive plot of land. Nothing else is here for miles. If you squint, you could see bits and pieces of Mustafu off in the distance. But nothing is in walking distance, certainly. They almost have you in the middle of nowhere. It’s scenic, that's for sure.
“I like your outfit. It looks adorable.” You fight to scrunch up your nose at the compliment. Adorable. Images of toddlers fill your head. That’s not what you wanted. Though, it’s out of your control anyways, as Rei picked out your outfit this morning.
“Thanks.” Y/N chooses to reply with acceptance and push the conversation forward, “I like your outfit too.”
“You’re too kind.” Fuyumi asks, “So… tell me about you? What do you do for fun.”
You answer her question, only mentioning things that you’ve been able to do this past year. You don’t talk about things you did with your parents. Those are firmly in the past now. They’re dead and the things you did alongside them are too.
Fuyumi never pushes an issue too long and she tries to keep the conversation interesting. You appreciate it. There is never a moment you feel unsafe or insecure. Other homes haven’t been this pleasant. Sure, Enji unnerves you and being dressed like a doll is weird, but everything else is alright. You’re able to overlook it—especially if the rest of your new siblings are like Fuyumi.
#yandere todoroki clan#yandere todoroki family#yandere mha#yandere bnha#yandere#platonic yandere#slowburn tbh#yandere rei todoroki#yandere fuyumi todoroki#bnha#mha#rei todoroki#reader insert#y/n#fuyumi todoroki
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here’s some vampire harry!!!!! pls treat him with the love and respect he deserves <3
“Honey, this is just water under the bridge” Your mother, Joanne, reassured you. She placed a rogue piece of hair behind your ear. You were both sitting on your bed, cuddling like you were 10 years old again. Getting fired, from your dream job for no apparent reason at all has basically broken you. Your mother is trying to reassure you, that it was meant to happen - that everything happens for a reason. You just want your job back.
“We’ll start job hunting again, next week. Ok?” Joanne said, you sighed and rolled over on your sighed. Your mum rubbed your back and took all the dirty cups from your room with her as she left your room.
You tried to sleep, to try and forget everything that had just happened that afternoon. But, your mind was occupied and too busy. So you decided you better start looking for some jobs, even interviews. Even though you still live with your mum, you still need money. Not just for yourself, but your mum too. All the money that comes into the house is coming from you and the jobs you have. You were finally comfortable with money, for the first in your life. But the world just really hated you at the moment.
You walk over your desk and sit down, opening up the second hand laptop you bought yourself for christmas. It’s nothing special like a mac, but it does the job. Once you’re logged in, you open google and type in ‘JOBS IN MY AREA’. You didn’t go to college and you barley passed high school, you’ll be lucky if you even get a job at the local book store.
You needed to stop this, punishing yourself. It’s not your fault, you remind yourself.
Nearly falling asleep at your desk, you decided to head to bed. Tomorrow will be better.
**
Tomorrow is not better. It’s worse than yesterday. You couldn’t even bare to open your laptop after being so disappointed last night. And you’re mum kept trying to reassure you, but you felt responsible for this.
Your mum couldn’t work, she’s not well and she’s in denial about it. She goes to AA meetings and talks with therapists, but she just can’t stay sober. You’ve tried to get her into working, but she manages to fuck it up everytime. Your mum is good mother, she took care of you and did the best she could. But sometimes you just wished she’d just stay sober, for even a week. So you could be a normal 19 year old, go out for drinks and hang out with friends. But you know she’s not a normal mum. And that’s something you just have to live with.
“Morning, love” Joanne said sipping on her ‘tea’. You knew it was alcohol so you gave her a pointed look.
She sighed and poured the drink down the sink. “Good, now go brush your teeth and we can talk” you say pulling your hair up. You mother shook her head and sighed. “I’m the mum here, Y/N. Don’t treat me like i’m the teenager” she said and you laughed. Really? This is how today’s going to go? the universe really hates me, you thought.
“You just hid vodka from me mum” you say and she sighed walking over and kissing your temple. “I’m sorry, ok? I’m trying, lovey” she said and you could tell how hard she was trying to keep together. you nodded and smiled, this was going to be a good day. Bite your tongue, Y/N.
“Yeah, i know. Now go get ready, i need help job hunting” you say and she nodded making her way out of the kitchen and up to her room. You sighed and put the kettle on. You walked into the pantry and took the vodka she had opened and poured it down the sink. Let’s see how long it takes her to notice.
You sat down with your cup of tea and one for your mum, opening up the paper and your laptop.
When your mum came back in, she looked a lot nicer and healthier. The shower did her good.
“So i saw someone looking for an assistant on facebook” Your mum said logging into her facebook on your laptop. You smiled to yourself, she really cared about you. “His name is harry i think, something along the lines of needing someone to sort out his schedule which you’re pretty good at” she said showing you the post. A few, actually a lot, of people had already liked the post and there was people sharing their CVs in the comments begging for a chance. You didn’t have the heart to tell your mum that this person wasn’t going to accept you.
“I mean, you can apply for other jobs but i think it’s perfect for you” She said biting her nip nervously. You nodded smiling in reassurance. “Yeah, it’s perfect mum. Thank you, i’ll try and get an interview. I also found a cleaning job too, so that’s good. Both jobs look like they pay well” you say with a shrug.
Joanne nodded and kissed your temple. “You’ll get a job. Don’t worry about it.”
After sending your CV to multiple possible bosses, you shut your laptop and turn your phone off of silent. Job hunting is a pain in the ass and exhausting, all you can do now is make lunch and hope for the best.
**
You were braiding your mothers hair when you got the call. You were both having a girly night as your mum hadn’t drank a sip of alcohol all day, it was definitely something to celebrate.
“Is this Y/N L/N i’m speaking with?” the voice asked, he sounded so bright and chipper. And he was irish too.
“This is her! how can i help you?” you asked and the man cleared his throat and paused for a second. “I’m offering you a job. the job” he said and you almost dropped your phone. You put it on your leg, on speaker so your mum could hear and you could multitask. You brushed the ends of your mum hair and let out a shaky breath.
“Do i need to come in for an interview?”
“Well, me and the boss would like to get to know you, get a feel of how you work on your own and with help. just like a test run, but if i’m being honest the is yours” he said and you could almost cry. “You’re exactly the kind of person Harry, my boss is looking for Y/N” he said.
“I’m niall by the way, i’m harry’s personal assistant” Niall said and you smiled.
“Well, when can i come in?”
After settling some stuff with Niall, who is kind of your boss too you were free to hang up. your mum squealed and pulled you into the tightest hug ever. “I told you, everything happens for a reason! you were exactly who they were looking for, babe” your mother said caressing your cheeks. You kissed her temple and nodded.
“You’re the best, you know that?” You said and your mum shrugged. “Eh, i’m okay” she giggled, you sat back down on the couch.
“Lay down, mum. We’ve got it sorted now”
You were going in to the offices, or as what niall called STYLES x MALIK, harry styles and zayn malik are both the bosses of the fashion company they both created. They have a headquarters in the states, but they’re just starting up a new headquarters in england, as harry and zayn grew up here and would like to see their families a lot more. Niall basically told you their whole life story over the phone, which you were very thankful for. Saves you the googling.
It was a tuesday morning, when you got the go ahead to pop in. Niall said to look nice, but casual. Like you’re going out for a dinner with your partners family. So you pull out your best high waisted flare jeans, an orange stripped shirt and tucked into your jeans. You topped it off with your lucky platforms and some jewellery. You left your hair natural, and the same with your makeup only some lip gloss and mascara.
“You look beautiful, honey”
“Thanks mum” You grinned pulling her into a hug. You placed your bag over your shoulder and took the car keys from the bowl at the front door. “I’ll be back soon, ok? Go for a walk or something” you say squeezing her hand, before leaving.
20 minutes away from you, is a angry, grumpy vampire. Niall was sat in front of harry, with a grin on his face.
“She’s literally perfect harry” Niall try to reason, but harry was having absolutely none of it. He wanted to rip that blonde son of bitch heart out.
“Niall, i didn’t want her though.” Harry said standing up from his desk, opening up a file and pointing at a picture.
“i wanted her”
Harry was pointing at a girl, blonde hair, blue eyes and great blood. He had tasted her before and worked his magic into getting her an interview - of course, she doesn’t remember him though. But this Y/N girl, he didn’t want her and he never agreed to having her come here today.
“You’ll have to fire her or make up some excuse, fuck i need something” Harry mumbled placing a hand over his eyes, Niall walked over to the fridge in the corner of harrys office he opened it up and took out a bag of blood pouring it in to a small glass. He placed it on the table standing in front of a frustrated vampire.
“She’s really good, Harry. You’ll regret it if you don’t let her do the test run” Niall said before walking to the door. “And she’s hot as fuck” he added leaving the room.
Harry hated being the bad guy, usually he’s a nice person. More lively, a bit like niall. A lot more quiet though, he’s pensive and reads people really well, one of his many talents as a vampire.
Harry was born in 1908, to a wealthy family. He had caring parents, a loving sister and good future a head of him. Until he met liam payne, they met in university decided to work together. The next thing you know, liam had his fangs in harrys neck and he was immortal. The first few years were hard, he was wreck less and did everything possible to get even a drop of blood. He met zayn five years after being turned, and he was sort of like the alpha of their ‘pack’ so to speak. He taught harry all he knew about control and using powers to get what you want, but only when you so desperately need it. They met niall in the 70s, he was freshly turned and needed help. They took him under their wings, and here they are today with a fashion company and a load of money in their pockets.
“What’s all the fuss about?” Zayn asked walking into harrys office with a few files in his hands. Harry huffed and sipped on the blood niall had poured for him. “I’m closed” harry said sitting down on his chair, zayn laughed and shook his head. “You have an interview in 5 minutes, get it together styles” Zayn said and dropped the files on his desk.
“Whether we hire or not, be nice. Her file is there, read it, study it. And keep those fangs to yourself” Zayn warned pointing at harry, then walked out of his office. Harry sighed and opened the file, stopping in his tracks when he saw your face.
You’re beautiful, so fucking beautiful.
He could tell the photo was professionally done, and you definitely had gotten someone to take it in a rush. Your CV is also a mess, but harry thinks it’s endearing. God, you’ve hypnotised him already. Harry could feel your aura through a picture, how the fuck was that even possible?
“She’s here” Niall said through the glass door. Harry nodded and cracked his neck, let’s get this over with then.
He could see niall biting his lip as she walked up, he couldn’t keep it in his pants for 2 seconds.
Niall opened the door and harry watched the girl walk in, her flares and platforms got his attention. She’s perfect. For him. Niall was still checking her out, so harry cleared his throat. Niall smirked and shook his head walking out of the office.
“Take a seat” Harry said and you smiled, sitting down. “I just want to say, i’m really grateful for this opportunity” you say, and harry nearly rolled his eyes. She’s too beautiful for a sob story. “I appreciate it” you say, and harry nodded quickly wanting to move away from anything emotional.
“um, so we don’t need you” He lied and you nearly choked on you own spit. Your eyebrows furrowed and you flushed a bit. Harry could see niall shaking his head. Damn you, super human hearing.
“Don’t need me? Niall said that i was just what you were looking for” you say, not angry just confused. Harry was impressed at how well you could keep your feelings in check, but he could feel how agitated you were becoming.
“Well, he’s wrong” Harry said and closed the file. “Have a nice day” He said with a fake smile. You couldn’t believe this. Fuck this.
“Fuck you” You said grabbing your bag and hoisting it up onto your shoulder. “Woah, Woah, what’s going on in here?” Zayn asked his hands in the air.
“Ask him, thanks for nothing” You say moving to walk out of the office. You needed to get out of here. “Just wait” Zayn called out, you stopped and sighed turning around.
“You’ve got the job” zayn said and your eyes widened in shock. “You start this friday, niall will email you detail. Use this week to treat yourself, on me ok?” Zayn said handing you a 50 dollar note. Who are you to deny money? You nodded and smiled at him. “Thank you” you say and he nodded.
“Don’t disappoint me”
**
You got yourself a coffee on the way home, you were a little overwhelmed and you needed to calm down before you went home to your mum. You just hope she didn’t do anything stupid while you were out.
“Mum, i’m home” you called out handing your bag up on the hanger. You got no response, so you looked around the house. Nothing in the kitchen or bathroom. The only places left are her room and living room.
You walked into the living room, to see your mum passed out on the couch a bottle of wine and an empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table. you sighed “Oh, mum” you said tears welling up in your eyes. “Why do you keep doing this” you mumbled picking up the wine and empty bottle, you put them away and cleaned up the cup. After that, you placed a blanket over her.
“You’ll get better soon, mum. I’ll be able to pay for it. We’ll have everything we’ve ever dreamt of and more” You say, kissing her forehead.
The next couple of days, you were nursing your mother back to health and used the 50 dollars your new boss gave you to by some groceries. Your mother really needed some hangover snacks, and she needed a lot of them. Luckily, you’ve been doing this a lot longer than you should’ve.
“Mum, i’m off to work” You said peaking through her door. She wasn’t talking to you at the moment.
“Alright, there’s medicine on the counter downstairs, snacks and stuff too. There’s no alcohol and no money, so don’t even try” You warned closing her door. God, this was so hard. You wondered how long it would take to be fired from this job.
You arrived early at the office, niall greeted you and took you to your own little office. It was nothing huge, but you absolutely adored it.
“Hey, don’t worry about harry” Niall said and you nodded. “I’m not, don’t worry” you reassured him smiling as you put down your diary.
“Good, well i’ll leave you to it” Niall said and you grinned at him.
“Good luck”
“Why?”
“You’ll need it”
#there will be multiple parts!!#harry styles#vampire!harry styles#vampire!harry#harry styles fluff#harry styles angst#harry styles imagines#harry styles oneshot#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfic#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles headcannon#harry styles concepts#harry styles requests#harry styles asks#harry styles x ofc#harry x you#harry x y/n#harry x reader#harry styles x y/n
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Chapter 3
Synopsis:
You don’t know what it’s like to be free, to make your own choices, and live your own life. For your whole life, your parents have been treating you like a puppet on strings, controlling your life to every single detail, as well as ignoring the fact that you have feelings. Other times, when you disobey their wishes, or speak up about your own opinions, they bash you down with words, in other words, psychological abuse, has led you down the long winded road of depression and anxiety. What happens when you meet a man who’s willing to be your guide out of this terrible downpour? Would you give a shot at happily ever after?
Warnings:
big age gap (kinda?)
issues on anxiety
issues on depression (mild)
issues on parental abuse
smut (maybe)
Tag List: @etherealtyjaem , @caratzennie , @johnnysuhnflower , @euphoricchannie , @yeollieseo , @jjhmk , @sherzess , @wonderfulkoreanpop
(lmk if you wanna be on the list)
You’ve been seeing Mr Suh, correction, Johnny, his first name, as per requested by Johnny himself.
“Mr Suh makes me feel older than I already am, you make me feel like a teenager all over again, so you have to call me Johnny. Let me relive my days when I was still a college kid.”
You didn’t mind, things aren’t as awkward between the two of you anymore, Johnny’s been spending time with you, although the two of you never established any sort of labelling towards what this relationship is. You and Johnny only hung out and had meals together, trying out different cuisines, watching movies, even going as far as skipping a day at work to go to the amusement park. He even bought you to an arcade when you told him you haven’t had the chance to venture to one since you were in grade school.
“Why haven’t you ever been to one for so long?” Johnny asked when he finished a round of pinball.
“They said it was a waste of time and that I should spend more time studying,” you said, wondering why Johnny would ask that, isn’t it the same for all the kids?
Whenever you mention your confining life to Johnny, he’d have a faraway look in his eyes, jaw locked in silent rebuke, he doesn’t say anything, he pulls you close, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. He would be quite for almost half an hour before he goes back to regular cheerful Johnny, telling you lame jokes that you would surprisingly find funny.
You didn’t have a phone, since your parents forbid you to have one, the only means of communicating is through your email account on your laptop, and even that you must always bear in mind to delete his mails right after, and take further precaution, you didn’t allow him to initiate the sending.
Johnny wanted to buy you one, but you rejected him promptly, you didn’t want him to spend so much money on you, he already spends lots on taking you out to eat. You gave him the excuse that it was too dangerous, and the consequences of getting caught are severe.
You often questioned your relationship with Johnny, you aren’t dumb, you’ve googled him and saw gossip news portals uploading photos of him and some model going out and about in hotels, but those headlines were months ago, the latest news about him was from his interview with Times magazine.
You never had the guts to ask him, you don’t know what you mean to him. What right do you have to question his whereabouts and what he does? He’ll probably be bored of you after he’s known all of you.
You know you shouldn’t think of Johnny that way, it is mean to assume what he’s thinking, especially how well he’s treating you, but seeing those headlines gives you a sense of insecurity, you keep telling yourself that this won’t last, but the thought of not seeing him again made your hair stand. He’s making you happy, a distraction towards the negativity you face in that house you live in, but for how long?
House. You never called it a home, unless you were telling your boss you were leaving, to prevent anyone from questioning your odd way of describing it. It was never a home to you. To you, a home is a place where you feel happy, safe, and most importantly, loved. The closest you’ve ever felt to having these feelings were your grandma and Joh... No, you don’t love him, and he doesn’t love you. What were you thinking?
You pushed those thoughts away as you opened your laptop to double check the files that you’ve typed out for your parent’s next important meeting that was supposed to be taking place first thing tomorrow. But when you went through your folders, the files were nowhere to be seen. It’s then you realised that the notification that keeps urging you to update the laptop was gone, it wasn’t the first time you updated the laptop and found out some files were missing, so you would never update the laptop at such a crucial time.
You took the laptop out to your father who was watching some news on his phone in the dining area to ask him if he had updated the software without alerting you.
“Yes, I did. What about it?” he asked, annoyance on his face due to the sudden disturbance.
“The files are missing because of the update,” you informed him.
“What files?”
“The files for tomorrow’s meeting, they’re missing,” you told him as you mentally prepared yourself for what’s to come.
“What do you mean missing?! I bet it was because you saved it wrongly again! Your retarded brain never works does it?! Do you know how important those files are?! You always work on them late at night blurry eyed, of course you didn’t save them properly! You could’ve worked on them in the morning before work. but no... You want to ‘exercise’! What a waste of time!” You’re not pretty anyways, what are you doing them for huh?!” Your father shouted, his eyes blazing in rage, his fist slamming onto the glass.
While your father was shouting, your mother was checking the laptop as she complains about how clueless you are. It was like your brain couldn’t take the amount of hurtful words piercing into your mind like daggers, you let out a high pitched scream as tears threatened to fall, your hands covering your ears as your eyes were a blur.
When you could see properly again, you could make up words which sounded like ‘how dare you’ from your father, next thing you registered were the fury in his eyes as he advances on you, hand above his head, ready to hit you. You didn’t know what came over you, but the first thing you did was kicking him away. That’s when a full on fight broke out.
You were filled with rage, your mind wasn’t registering what you were doing. You went into a flight or fight stance and started thrashing and kicking as his hands were holding painfully tight on your wrists after you tried punching him.
Your mom urges the both of you not to fight, her voice barely registering in your head as she sits still on the high chair by the kitchen island, not bothered to even try to cease the fight.
When you finally pushed him away, you ran into your room and locked it. Your chest was heaving from the panic attack that just started, you tried your best to calm yourself down, reminding yourself to breathe, it was suffocating, controlling your breathing as more tears made its way out of your eyes.
When it all stopped, your body succumbed into mental exhaustion, passing out on your bed as the tears finally ceased.
You only woke up for dinner last night, and proceeded to sleep again. Yesterday’s events made you feel numb, other than the pain from the bruises on your arms.
There was a big ugly one on your left upper arm, its colour an ugly shade of green and purple. A few other less serious ones scattered around your lower arms. In other words, you look like a wreck.
You wore a jacket to run even though you were sweating from your previous cardio work outs, feeling a little better after the endorphins in your body kicked in. When you got back, you quickly showered and ate a toast. When you asked for your mother’s phone to remind your boss you were going to take the day off, she told you that weren’t needed at the meeting anymore and that she finished everything last night.
“Just call to say that you’ll be going to work,” she said, not even looking in your direction when she handed you her phone.
But when you called to inform your boss, he told you that he had another part time coming in, and that it was too short of a notice. You said thank you and hung up, but said that you’ll be at work on time today before handing it back to your mother.
You really needed to escape for the day.
You opened the laptop and sent an email to Johnny.
I’m free today. Wanna go out?
You sat on your bed staring at the ceiling as you were sure it was going to be a bit before he replied, but just as you closed your eyes, you heard a distant chime from your laptop.
I’m rushing some stuff at the office today. I’m so sorry, Y/N.
Can I stay in your office? I really wanna get out of the house.
You sounded like a spoiled kid begging for attention, but you really wanted to see him today.
Sure. But you might get bored :) .
I’m leaving the house now :) .
For a 26 year old businessman, he sure loves to use emoticons.
You got changed into jeans and a jacket, you don’t usually wear one if you were going to a secluded area with Johnny, but you had to hide all the marks from last night. You just noticed that they hurt after you accidentally knocked your wrist against something.
You took the bus to the address Johnny wrote down on your diary, it was after one of your dinners together, and he jokingly said that you could always swing by if you wanted, you didn’t know you were going to actually do that.
The bus station wasn’t too far of a walk from his office, since it was just downtown Seoul where the Korea’s financial hub was located.
As you were nearing the office buildings, you stood out like a sore thumb, given the way you were dressed and your age. The people kept giving you stink eyes and sideway glances.
Suh Capital Partners. That was it.
You walked in the rotating doors, only to be greeted by masses of people walking around with smart pads, files, talking on the phone while the assistants take notes. Johnny didn’t mention his company being this big.
You admired the facade of the lobby, it displayed the latest news on a large monitor while futuristic lights hung from the high ceiling, the walls were a perfect balance of steel and wood with a wall of plants filled the wall behind the reception area.
You realised that the people stopped what they were doing before and started looking at you curiously when one of the nicely dressed women from the reception walked up to you.
“Excuse me, miss. May I ask who are you looking for?” the woman asked, her eyes scanning you from top to toe.
You froze at your spot from how cold she sounded, like she didn’t want you around to ruin the aesthetic of the company. You reminded yourself that you weren’t going to see her anytime soon after this and that if you did make a fool of yourself then so be it.
“I’m looking for Mr Suh,” you told her.
She looked taken aback from your answer, but gave you the ugliest sneer when she recovered.
“Miss, this isn’t a school, you can’t just walk in here and demand to see someone without an appointment. Mr Suh is the head of this company, not someone you can just meet without an agreement from him. Please leave this instance,” she said, her tone high pitched enough to gather everyone’s attention, you swore you heard someone laughing a few feet away.
“But...
“That’s my guest, Ms Park.”
You whipped your head back to see Johnny standing behind you. But instead of his usual warm honey eyes, his eyes were a cold and staring daggers into the woman in front of you.
“I’m so sorry, Mr Suh. I’ll get back to my work now,” the woman bowed apologetically, going as far as doing it numerous times.
“I’m going to need a key card for her, Ms Park. Send it up to me when you’re done,” Johnny said, but his eyes were scanning the crowd, his employees immediately went back to what they were doing, the large lobby void of any sound other than people rushing to the lift lobby to escape the scene.
Johnny placed a hand behind your back and guided you to the lift lobby after most of the people have taken the ride up to their respective floors.
“I’m sorry,” you said after the coast was clear.
Johnny’s intimidating stance broke as confusion takes over his face.
“What are you sorry for?” Johnny asked, he should be the one saying sorry.
“I’m such an embarrassment, coming here in my jeans and jacket with a canvas bag, looking like a kid,” you said, fingers nervously tugging the straps of your old bag.
“Hey, hey, hey. Nothing’s wrong with being young and dressing your age. They’re just grumpy from all the work. Don’t take their words into account, and you look great. Perfection as always,” Johnny said reassuringly, hands placed on your shoulder, the warmth of his palms calming you slightly.
“No....
You buried your face into your hands as he patted your head, you sneakily glanced up to see him smiling at you with a toothy grin. But you quickly regained posture as you saw an elevator door open with many pairs of legs.
Johnny wasn’t going in even though the lift was going up, that’s when people in the lift realised it was him, and quickly came out of the lift, saying sorry and greeting Johnny.
Johnny guided you in after the lift was cleared empty. His staff looking at you curiously, you weren’t used to having so many pairs of eyes on you, their curious eyes burning holes into you.
Johnny could sense your anxiousness from the way you were hiding behind his tall figure as the two of you walked into his office, there weren’t many people at that time, given the fact that only direct reports of his business partners came up to hand in documents.
You only felt yourself loosen up a bit after you took a seat on Johnny’s armchair in his huge office, overlooking Seoul’s skyline and the cars that were buzzing about on the roads. The view made you calm down a bit from the journey coming up here.
You felt the chair dip as Johnny took a seat on its armrest, his hands coming up to give your shoulders a nice massage. Johnny smiled at the way your eyes lit up from his comforting touch as you looked back to smile at him, he felt a warm feeling deep in his belly as he takes in your beautiful features and the warmth of your shoulders on his fingertips. But as he puts more pressure onto your shoulders, you wince slightly, which didn’t go unnoticed by him.
“Did your boss at work make you lift heavy stuff again?” Johnny asked, his hands ceased all movements, fearing that he would hurt you again.
You automatically thought of your fight with your father last night, it might be because of the force exerted from when he had pushed you.
“N-no, I just didn’t sleep well last night. I watched a horror movie and had a nightmare,” you lied, not knowing how he would react if you told him the truth.
“Be careful when watching these movies, Y/N. If you went to work and your boss really made you move heavy things today, then you would’ve strain your muscles,” Johnny said, going back to massaging your shoulders, but this time gently applying pressure on that spot, rubbing it in clockwise circles to ease the pain.
“I’m fine, Johnny. Didn’t you have work to rush? I don’t want to keep you away from important matters. And my shoulders feel much better now,” you said, moving away from his hands even though you could’ve let him do that forever, it felt so comforting, borderline addictive.
“Okay, I’ll tend to your shoulders again later.” Johnny said as he lays his head on top of yours, a gesture that he had came up with whenever he wanted to show affection to you without crossing uncharted territories, your heart sped up whenever he does that.
You were just sitting on the couch reading one of your old books when you looked up and saw Johnny frowning at his laptop, you placed your book down and made your way to Johnny.
“Don’t frown like that, you’ll get frown lines when you’ll get older, it’ll spoil your handsome face,” you joked.
Your hands reach out to smooth the creases on his forehead, a smile coming back to Johnny’s face.
“Thank you,” he said, taking your busy hand into his, lightly tracing the area between your thumb and your index finger.
“What’s bothering you?” you asked, unbeknownst to you, your lips were unconsciously set in a pout.
“There’s some documents that are supposed to be sent to my office in Chicago, but the English that’s written here isn’t up to standards, I’m worried the staff there won’t understand what the document is stating. I don’t mind correcting it, but I have other things to tend to as well,” Johnny explained to you.
“Can I take a look at it? I had Cambridge classes for 8 years. Guess it’s finally coming in handy. I mean only if you think I’m capable, I don’t want you to think I’m boasting or anything, I just really wanna help...
“Y/N, sweet, I trust you. Just let me get you a laptop,” he said before dialling to his secretary.
Once Johnny sent the files to that laptop, you started correcting some grammatical errors and replaced some terms that weren’t as professional, when Johnny was done with his meeting, you were done with the documents as well.
“Here, take a look. There might be mistakes,” you said after sending him the files back.
“You were reading ‘me before you’, I think you’re fine, Y/N,” Johnny deadpanned.
“Just take a look, just in case,” you pleaded, doe eyes capturing his heart. Nodding, Johnny smiles, doing as you said.
Johnny scanned through the documents, his eyes lighting up brighter after each sentence, a proud smile making way on his face. When he was done, he pulled you close by the waist, and gave you a warm hug, his head nuzzling into your sweater.
“Thank you so much, sweetheart. I thought I needed to work overtime because of this,” he said, his voice was slightly muffled by the cotton.
“You’re welcome. You can always send me these files when I’m not here, I don’t want you to overwork yourself,” you offered.
“I’m fine, don’t worry. Wanna grab lunch? I can hear your stomach rumbling,” Johnny asked after pulling away, a cheeky glint in his eyes.
You could feel your cheeks heating up in embarrassment, as you hit Johnny’s shoulders lightly for his teasing, a smile creeping up your face.
“No, I’m not...
“Come on, I know this really nice French restaurant around the corner...
“Johnny I have the file you were...
Doyoung stops in his tracks as he sees you and Johnny being so close to each other.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had a guest,” Doyoung apologises, but his eyes were still wide in disbelief.
“Doyoung. This is Y/N. Y/N, Doyoung is one of my business partners, his dad was my dad’s business partner so now it’s his turn,” Johnny introduces his friend to you, telling you a bit of his background.
You gave Doyoung a tiny bow and soft hello, nerves wrecking up at meeting someone you often see on telly whenever their company has a press conference. You could sense an air of discomfort as Doyoung gives you a questioning look.
“You can just put the files on my desk Doyoung. I’ll take a look at them after my lunch break.”
When the evening rolled in, Johnny had to drive you home before your mom questioned your whereabouts.
“I really enjoyed having you by my side today, Y/N,” Johnny said sincerely after pulling up outside the gated area.
“I should be the one thanking you, I can’t believe those snails cost so much, yet you won’t let me pay you back whenever we have meals together,” you retorted, recalling how your eyes almost flew out of their sockets when you stole a glance at the bill.
“Money is not an issue, Y/N. I told you that many times before,” Johnny reminded you.
“I’ll see you on Saturday?” you asked, changing the subject before he offers to buy you a house or something.
“Yeah,” Johnny said, chuckling at how you diverted his attention.
Johnny unlocked the doors of his car, but right before you pulled onto the handle, Johnny pulled your arm, the place where one of the bigger bruises were located at, making you wince at the unexpected pain.
“Y/N I wanted to ask, wait. Are you in pain? Are you hurt? Did I accidentally hurt you?” Johnny asked his eyes wide in worry.
Before you could protest, Johnny pushed up the sleeves of your sweater, revealing the big ugly bruise on your upper arm, and several others that went downwards until your wrist.
You looked up at Johnny, scanning his face that was frozen in shock, eyes not believing what he’s seeing. His fingers gently tracing every bruise, his other hand rotating your arm gently, to see if there’s more.
“Y/N... Who did this to you?” Johnny questioned, but deep down in his gut, he’s sure it’s who he thinks it is.
“No one, Johnny. I just fell down when I woke up,” you said, lying through your teeth, you didn’t want to, but that was your survival instinct whenever someone asks about your parents.
“Don’t lie to me Y/N, it’s them isn’t it? They hit you. Why didn’t you tell me?” Johnny demanded, he questions why you don’t trust him, was he not worthy in your eyes?
“It’s nothing, Johnny. Goodnight,” you said in a breath before turning away.
You quickly got out of his car and ran to your lift lobby, Johnny was following behind you. But before he could step into the premise, you shut the glass door which could only be opened with a security card on him, mouthing the words sorry before you made your way into a lift.
Johnny banged at the door, shouting for you to come back, before the security guards asked him to leave. He could feel a prickle in his heart as he sees the bruises in his head, the image fresh. He felt red hot anger boiling in his heart, he was going to get you out of that horrible place, no matter what it takes.
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the light in your eyes and the dark in your heart.
Word count: 1900+
Warnings: I would say none? It’s a bit mystical, a small bit dark, and there are mentiones of sex.
Author’s note: I’ve reblogged @devilatmydoor Anna’s Ashton x dark academia moodboard yesterday with the tags that it could be a modern day Dorian Gray-ish AU, and after that we started discussing the possibility behind it. I like how it turned out, and I hope it makes Anna happy as well!
Feedback is appreciated!
masterlist.
- - - - -
Ashton Irwin was a mystery.
Hazel eyes stared at you as you gathered your books into a neat stack, making room for the stranger in front of you. The library was quiet and almost empty, yet he insisted to sit with you as you’ve worked on an assignment. A smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, showing off perfect teeth and full lips, and for a moment you were lost in the golden flecks that mixed with the greens and browns. He politely thanked you, his voice like honey, warm and rich, and you were sure he just put a spell on you with those two words.
He lightly tapped his pen against his notebook, scribbling down notes before turning to his laptop, adding a few hundred words to his already lengthy document. You’ve lost your train of thoughts many times during the two hours you’ve spent at the table in the back, and felt your stomach drop when you saw he was ready to leave, knowing you’ll probably never see the beautiful stranger again.
A piece of paper landed on your book, neatly folded into a square, and you saw him give you a smile and a wink as he left the library, bag hoisted up on his shoulder and books under his arm. You slowly opened the note to find a name and a number written down, with a few lines added at the end.
Friday, 2.30 PM.
Café on Campus.
If you’re busy we can reschedule.
Ashton
* * * * *
Ashton Irwin was loved by everyone.
No matter how many times he took you to the coffee shop tucked away in the corner of Campus, there was always an empty table for him, his order already being made the moment he crossed the threshold. He shrugged, saying that it was easy when you were a senior and everyone knew your name, and he made you sit down as he bought you your favourite drink. He gave a charming smile to the girl working the cashier, dropping a dollar or two into the tip jar, and you could see her eyes sparkle and the blush colouring the tip of her ears as Ashton left the counter.
He always had a nice word to the people he ran into, hands in his pockets as he asked them about their latest struggles and how those worked out for them, making plans to catch up later when both had a little more time. Girls praised him for being a gentleman, always the one who looked out for them during parties, making sure they’ve got home safely. Guys told each other what a good sport he was, always ready for a joke or a good prank, how easy it was to get along with him.
Ashton laughed as you’ve asked him about his reputation, breaking a cookie in half and giving you the bigger one, picking on a chocolate chip before plopping it into his mouth.
”Silly girl,” he shook his head, giving you a knowing smile. ”People love you when they know you have something that they want. Don’t forget that.”
* * * * *
Ashton Irwin was gifted.
The senior has been working on his dissertation since freshman year, always finding new topics to incorporate into his magnum opus. You’ve heard people gossiping about his late night library visits, disappearing for weeks to travel up to another place and look through their collection of books, always looking for something new. Ashton had a way with words – not just when he was talking, but also when it was time to understand them. He always had a book with himself, colourful sticky notes peeking out from the pages, marking all the places he wanted to revisit.
His chosen topic surprised you, but soon you’ve learned that there was no one else who has known as much about gods, demons or the devil making pacts with mortal souls throughout the history of classical and modern art. Ashton quoted sections from the Bible without thinking twice, knowing exactly how many times the Devil appeared and made his move on mankind. He made parallels between the gods making deals with mortals in Greek literature and modern men bargaining with Evil himself. He talked about Goethe’s Faust and Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray as someone who has read them a thousand times already; you couldn’t ask a question for which he didn’t have an answer for. Music, paintings, movies – whatever it was, he had it: saved on a playlist, in a folder on his laptop, DVDs lining his shelves, ready to make a new connection regarding all the other art forms.
You ran your finger down the spine of a torn copy of Dorian Gray in his room, the once golden words now barely readable as you’ve asked why he was so obsessed with the pact between gods and humans.
”I’ve made a deal with the Devil,” he shrugged when you cocked an eyebrow at him, grabbing your hand and pulling you to his chest. ”I’ve sold my soul for immortality.”
You rolled your eyes and let him kiss you, his lips tasting bitter like coffee, and sweet like ambrosia.
* * * * *
Ashton Irwin was beautiful.
You’ve never seen someone as handsome as your boyfriend – and no, you weren’t exaggerating. You found that you were not the only one who got lost in his shining eyes or his charming smile. People stopped and stared at him on the street, complimenting his features, comparing him to statues and paintings, asking if he was a model or maybe an angel. Ashton laughed and wrapped his arm around your waist, telling them that beauty was temporary, and that there are much more important things in the world before leading you away.
Yet you needed to agree with them – you’ve thought it was just the love and admiration talking, your budding romance and the excitement of a new relationship. But Ashton always seemed like he was perfectly put together by God himself. Your fingers curled into his silky soft hair, eyes locked on his, trying to name all the colours that made up his curious gaze, lips full and jaw chiselled, arms strong and skin warm against yours. You soon found out about his love for tattoos, but it took you some time to explore all of the different inks painting his skin, every one of them having a story for another night when you’ve made love.
He curled his arm around you, pulling you to his side, blissed out from your shared pleasure. Your fingers tangled into his necklace, playing with the medal before lightly running your fingertip over his nipple, down on his ribs to the tattoo on his side, tracing the fine lines of the inking.
”Do you ever fear death? Dying before your time is up? Staying forever young.”
”I crave it,” he whispered, making you look up at him, but he quickly flashed you a soft smile. ”But not since I’ve found you.”
* * * * *
Ashton Irwin was dangerous.
You wanted to think that it was a joke, a well put together prank to make fun of a naïve freshman. But Ashton wasn’t laughing, his eyes dark and serious as he waited for your reaction. His classmates jokingly called him Dorian Gray, and you’ve thought it was just a play on his obsession with death and immortality, but you found that they’ve been right. Even if they didn’t know just how right they have been.
”You did sell your soul to the Devil,” you couldn’t believe the words that left your mouth, but deep inside you knew they were true.
”And I’ve been trying to get it back ever since,” he moved closer, making you step back until your body hit the shelf behind you. ”Are you scared of me?”
”Should I?” you felt your throat dry up, words stuck in your mouth as he leaned his forehead against yours.
”Silly girl,” he brushed his thumb down your cheek, stroking a lock of hair behind your ear. ”You should be terrified.”
”You’re looking for a solution,” you slowly put the pieces together, and he just nodded, both of you understanding the other. ”How old are you?”
”I don’t even remember myself,” he smiled sadly, fingers cradling your jaw. ”Maybe a few hundred years.”
”Are you lonely?” you tugged on the hem of his shirt, and he took it as an invitation, moving closer to your body.
”Not when I’m with you,” Ashton shook his head. ”You make me feel like I’m free of this curse.”
The sounds of your pleasure echoed in the empty library building, the night quiet and dark around you as you’ve lost yourself in each other, Ashton’s arms tightly wrapped around you as he moaned and grunted, and you took all of him – all his pleasure, all his hurt and sadness, every little confession he whispered in your ear. He was sweaty and out of breath as he curled up in your lap, head resting on your thigh as you played with his hair, both of you knowing that this was probably the end. You knew that when the morning comes he will go back to his books and tales, looking for the one thing that could make this all right. He knew that you will probably stick around until the end of the semester, transferring to another school so you don’t to have deal with the hubris he has brought upon himself.
”You know– I’ve seen a flat down on Main Street,” you lightly tugged on his curling hair, and he slowly looked up at you. ”It’s up for rent.”
”Are you sure about it?” something flashed in his eyes, a glimmer of hope as you’ve nodded, making a smile tug at the corner of his mouth.
* * * * *
Ashton Irwin was free.
His heart was bursting with love whenever he opened the door to your shared apartment, finding you in the kitchen making dinner, or curled up on the couch under a blanket, his old copy of Dorian Gray lying on the floor next to you, your finger still stuck between the pages. He always checked where you were at, reading a few paragraphs before marking your page and putting it on the coffee table, running his fingers down your cheek to wake you.
Ashton couldn’t remember the last time he felt alive. But with you tucked against his side as the two of you watched a movie or walked around the city when everyone else was already asleep – that is when he truly felt free. He promised himself he will stop trying, and start living, working on being the best version of Ashton, the one he thought you deserved. He didn’t want to think about what will happen in a few years, how are you going to explain to people that he stopped aging a hundred or so years ago. He just wanted to be happy, even if it only felt like a moment in the long life that still awaited him.
On the morning of your graduation day Ashton climbed back into bed next to you, bouncing on the mattress as he tried to wake you. You sleepily blinked up at him, ready to give him a dirty look for making you get up so early – and that is when you saw it. A lock of grey hair hung over his forehead, making his smile brighter than the sun. You wrapped your arms around his neck, tugging him closer to kiss him, wrapping the stray curl around your finger.
”You’ve never looked more beautiful,” you whispered on his lips, and you felt Ashton blush, burrowing closer to you.
He’s never felt more beautiful or loved than that morning. He was alive. He was free.
- - - - -
@mymindwide @loveroflrh @sadistmichael @notinthesameguey @babylonashton @talkfastromance4 @dead-and-golden @fuckyeah5sostakemehome @karajaynetoday @devilatmydoor @myloverboyash @sexgodashton
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My laptop is currently updating, so while I have that working in the background, I wanted to share a series of six short, mostly-opera-inspired autobiographical narratives/prose poems I wrote last April and May:
I would kill to have some wine right now.
There is a bottle of red wine sitting on the kitchen counter. My father bought it when he went to the store the other day─ don’t ask me what day it was, I don’t remember, the days already blend together as is─ and I have considered pouring even just a little bit into a glass and downing it.
And then proceeding to throw the glass against the wall and shatter it.
I’ve been contemplating doing that a lot lately.
True, I would kill to have some wine, but if I did go ahead and pour even just a little bit into a glass, and down it, and possibly then proceed to throw the glass against the wall and shatter it, I would most likely be killed before I had the chance to kill.
Kill or be killed. We are all trying our very best to do neither these days, but it happens anyway.
I am sixteen years old. As I start writing this, I am nine days away from turning seventeen. For me, alcohol consumption is thus not only not approved by the Parents, but also illegal. But then again, so is voting blue in the 2020 US Presidential election. That is also something neither approved by the Parents nor legal for me. But I digress.
Thirty-one, twenty-nine, thirty-one again, sixteen now, that makes sixty, ninety-one, one hundred and seven days since I watched one of my classmates get drunk at a New Year’s Eve party. She downed a whole bottle of peach wine (I didn’t even know that was a thing) and looked at me with her red eyes and silver-sequined halter top and curly dark brown hair in a high ponytail. You’re more beautiful than Jesus she told me and you’ll go to the moon on a rocketship. I laughed.
I laugh when something’s so unexpected I can’t do anything else. I laughed when I first heard Notre Dame Cathedral had caught fire because it seemed so ludicrous that I couldn’t do anything else. Notre Dame on fire? You can’t be serious, it can’t be serious.
It was serious.
I’m not sure if she was.
A little part of me wishes she were.
When I was in sixth grade, I told the same girl I thought her hair was luscious. Sixth-grade me didn’t know the word had a sexual connotation; the girl did and was offended.
Maybe a little part of me did know, somehow.
***
As I write this next part, I am working on a paper about state-sponsored censorship. I have picked this topic because it is a fascinating topic, it fits the requirements for the paper─ write about a major global problem─, and because I feel censored myself.
Expressing anything that conflicts with the Parents’ thoughts and opinions is strictly forbidden. If you are different, you are ostracized. I am different, so I am ostracized.
I am too proud, too strong to succumb. But it still hurts.
As I write this, I am listening to Act IV of Rossini’s Guillaume Tell, an opera about liberation, appropriate for both me and my paper. At this moment, Hedwige is calling on God, ‘the hope of the hopeless’, to save her husband and break the yoke of oppression that binds Switzerland.
It’s very nice, and the sentiment is good and true, and it works for her and Mathilde and Jemmy and the Swiss women, but it does not work for me. I lost my faith a long time ago. Ironically, it is French grand opéra, the genre to which Guillaume Tell belongs, that is partially responsible for my loss of faith.
It was impossible for me to watch Verdi’s Don Carlos for the first time in eighth grade and Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots in tenth and not be horrified by the things people do in the name of religion, to kill people senselessly just because they believe slightly differently than them─ even their own daughters (as is the finale of Les Huguenots).
How can a good God allow such things?
Do I realize these works are fictional? Yes. But do I know they are based on history, on real events? Yes.
“These things are meant to happen; they are all in God’s plan.” Well, can God just not find another way to make what’s meant to happen happen? I cannot believe in a God that allows these things to happen. To say that an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-good God who can allow such things exists is a lie.
***
Now that Guillaume Tell is over, I am listening to another grand opéra, Les vepres siciliennes, albeit in its Italian version, I vespri siciliani. Another opera about occupation and liberation, but a liberation that comes at a horrible cost: the entire French ruling class is massacred by the Sicilians at the end of the opera.
If I didn’t care, I would stage my own personal ‘massacre’: I would turn my back, walk out the front door with the possessions I most needed to survive on my own, and never come back.
But I do care. They may not care, but I do.
One of my greatest curses is that I care about what I care about too much. My heart is too deep to not care.
There are some battles that are not worth being fought.
If a massacre is your only recourse to accomplish something, perhaps you should not do that thing. Or, at least try to find another way.
Right now, I am at the beginning of Act III, at Monforte’s aria “In braccio alle dovizie”. In the original French, it’s called “Au sein de la puissance”. At the breast of power.
Monforte is the hated French governor of Sicily, the revolutionaries’ primary target. When he sings this, he has just learned that one of the main revolutionaries, Arrigo, is his long-lost illegitimate son.
By rape.
‘The breast of power’ indeed.
Just like with a massacre, if rape is your only recourse to accomplish something, perhaps you should not do that thing either.
Just a thought.
I’m a woman. What do I know, in the eyes of many out there?
One of my friends said that Verdi gave Monforte his just deserts, but also overly beautiful music. “He couldn’t help it, though, not when his Dad Music Instincts were activated.”
I feel guilty listening to the aria, even though it is truly a beautiful piece and the recording I’m listening to─ a 1989 recording from the Teatro alla Scala, with Giorgio Zancanaro as Monforte─ is absolutely gorgeous.
Can we separate the music from the character, the art from the artist? I do not know. Everyone has something utterly heinous to someone else. Once we stop separating the art from the artist, where do we begin again? And yet, I do not want to support people who do horrible things to others.
Perhaps it is all relative.
Perhaps everything is.
Perhaps nothing is absolute at all.
That frightens me.
***
Today is Rome’s 2,773rd birthday. As a six-year Latin student and future classics and history double-major, this is cause for celebration.
If things were normal and I were at school, my Latin teacher would bring birthday cake for all the Latin students, and we’d eat it and sing “Felix dies natalis, Roma”. Happy Birthday, Rome.
But things are not normal, and I’m at home multitasking between this and a presentation script for that paper, and still listening to I vespri siciliani.
Now I’m at the end of Act IV. Everyone is celebrating the impending marriage of Arrigo to Duchess Elena, one of the Sicilian revolutionary leaders. Sicilian and French, united at last. Everything is set to work out.
But there’s still Giovanni da Procida, the other major revolutionary leader, who is hellbent on revenge. He sees this wedding as the perfect opportunity to strike down the French once and for all.
And thus, the massacre.
Everything can be set to work out, but there is always something that comes up. A massacre, a pandemic, a set of internal troubles that bring a proud empire to its ruin.
Now I’m in Act V, at Elena’s bolero ‘Merce, dilette amiche’. She has no idea about Procida’s plans; she’s just excited to marry Arrigo and bring peace to her beloved Sicily at last. I think I’m going to change operas again after this is over; the act is rather uneven (though I still very much like it) and I would prefer not to listen to everything falling apart today.
I debate listening to Berlioz’s Les Troyens, the closest thing to an opera about the founding of Rome and a masterpiece itself. But there is still too much about collateral damage for my tastes today: one kingdom falls and another loses its benevolent queen, all in the name of a supposedly greater destiny. And that’s just based on the first third of the Aeneid. I wrote an essay about that first third once for English class, using that thesis; my English teacher said it was one of the best essays he’d ever read. But I digress.
After a quick refresher on the synopsis, I decide to change styles and go with a story from the heyday of the Roman Empire: Handel’s Agrippina. Lots of plotting, but everyone gets what they want in the end and it ends happily for all. No collateral damage here. I am weary of that.
Sometimes I feel like collateral damage.
It’s tough to remember that you’re the master of your own story, not just a side character or a scapegoat in so many others’.
Everyone in this opera knows they’re the masters. That’s the problem. But it ultimately works out.
I want nothing more than for it to work out for me. It hasn’t yet.
But I have a feeling it will.
***
I got maybe halfway through the first act of Agrippina yesterday. I love Baroque opera, but I guess only in small doses.
No matter.
Today I’m listening to the beginning of Act II of Verdi’s Don Carlo. This is the fourth time in a row I’ve listened to it.
I read John Green’s Turtles All The Way Down recently. The main character frequently finds herself stuck in ‘thought spirals’, where she keeps thinking more and more about the same thing. I have those too, although I tend to picture my mind more as a bullet train: it always moves hundreds of miles an hour, faster than I can control, from one thought to the next. I constantly find myself retracing the figurative map of my mind to figure out what I was thinking about, what I need to remember but simply cannot. And it’s like my mind keeps returning to the same stations a lot; these are my equivalent to the spirals.
This opera, this moment, is one of my frequent stations.
Make that five times in a row now. This will be the last, I promise myself.
In this scene, a group of monks chant, praying for the rest of the dead Emperor Charles V, whom, I note with a smile, was himself a character in one of Verdi’s earliest operas, Ernani. In that opera, he sings an aria where he confronts his destiny as the next Holy Roman Emperor. My legacy will live throughout the ages, he sings.
Including in two different Verdi operas.
But there I go again on another bullet-train route.
The monks are singing now, their stark minor-major shifts making me feel as if I am there, in the cloister of San Yuste or in any of the great cathedrals of Spain, looking up into the vaults of the ceiling, of heaven itself, seemingly. The only lights come from candles in my mental picture, and I gaze up, my head uncovered, my mind only partially spellbound, more by the visual beauty and the history than by any religious feeling.
I am a heathen.
I have only been inside a Catholic church once, when I was fourteen; it was an impromptu side trip during a school-sponsored tour of colleges in St. Louis. One of the chaperones said the Cathedral Basilica had can’t-miss art, and thus managed to get a large section of the attendees to come with her.
She was right. It was one of the most beautiful places I’d ever seen. And that was all I thought.
Okay, that’s a lie. I did wonder what it would be like to be able to have faith again, to be able to kneel in one of the pews, and pray, and believe, as my ancestors have done before me; after all, if religion were something you inherited in your blood, then I would be half-Catholic.
But I cannot kneel and pray and believe.
In this scene, one of the monks claims that Charles V fell because he was too proud, because he believed that he was greater than God. If a god exists, I do not claim to be greater than them. I am not perfect, not by a long shot.
He did not die because he did not believe in God. He died because everyone dies, even those who are supposedly the greatest of us.
God alone is great, the monk proclaims. I do not, cannot believe that. We are all great to begin with, but some of us are led to believe we are not.
We are the masters. I must remember that.
And I realize that I have let it play a sixth time.
Sometimes I am not the master of my own mind.
***
The sixth time was the last.
Now I am at the end of the act, listening to the showdown between Filippo II, King of Spain, and Rodrigo, Marquis di Posa. Filippo is the guardian of the way things are; Verdi called Rodrigo an anachronism, and indeed, he was the only principal character who never existed.
Rodrigo, he said, was at least two centuries ahead of his time.
I don’t know what exactly Verdi’s feelings were about this, but personally, I do not think this is a bad thing. Progressivism is often progressivism in any age.
At any rate, Rodrigo, who has recently returned from Spanish-held Flanders, has taken his chance─ a rare private meeting with the King, who is confused as to why Rodrigo has never approached him for favors like all the other courtiers─ to confront him about the horrific conditions of Flanders and its people. Give them liberty, he pleads.
No. I have given them the same peace I have given Spain.
A horrible peace!, Rodrigo fires back. The peace of the tomb!
We should not have to suffer until death.
Let history not say of you, “He was a Nero.” A murderer of innocents, a torturer of the defenseless, an occupier, a denier of liberty─ perhaps the greatest torture of all.
I once watched a video in which a director said, “To live in an occupied country is to live only half a life.” I would say that to live in an occupied country, or even any place where you cannot be free, cannot live fully as yourself, is not even that. It is to barely live at all. It is to merely have a beating heart and breath.
To live in spite of this, to simply be as you wish, is the ultimate act of defiance.
#notyouraveragejulie writes#(or rather reads old writing)#writing#poetry#poems#prose poems#autobiographical narratives#life in the time of COVID#opera#opera tag#censorship#freedom#also the author would like to note that this was written *before* she saw Agrippina and loved it so those comments aren't 100% accurate now
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Something Old, Something New (Crystal x Gigi Fanfic) - Chapter 9
AO3 Link
[A/N: I just love this Gigi look so much I had to include it here. ^_^]
Synopsis: Crystal finds an enchanting jewelry box from the antique shop. Day by day, she discovers different journal entries hidden inside the box. Where is it coming from? What exactly is the music box? Most importantly, who is G?
Chapter Nine - Your Smile
The teenage girl found herself confounded at the information she just read. Gigi. 1959. Gigi. 1959. Those were the thoughts that echoed in her mind as she stared at her laptop screen. How is that even possible? She read the whole article, looking at the pictures of newspaper articles about the art contest. She also saw some pictures during the competition, even a picture of the winner. Her hands scrambled its way through her desk, looking at the letter and the photograph that Gigi sent her.
“Smith Memorial Art Contest had been held every fall for almost a decade in honor of Doctor Charles Smith. It was mostly dominated by men for the first few years of the competition. However, a female student from the small county of St. Clair, Illinois broke the record in 1959.”
Crystal spent the night thinking of the possibility of Gigi living her life back in the 50’s. Questions consumed her mind that she forgot to congratulate the girl or greet her good night. She woke up feeling tired, dark circles under her eyes.
School and her school works weren’t able to help distract her from the revelation she just discovered the night before. It hadn’t left her mind since the last evening. She sat by her desk, staring at the picture of Gigi beside the drawing she made of them few weeks prior. Suddenly, the jewelry box started playing music, telling her that the other girl sent her a letter which she decided to read the next morning.
The letter from Gigi suddenly felt surreal. The thoughts of the other girl coming from a different era remained unbelievable for her. It didn’t feel right, but it wasn’t wrong either.
She found herself lost in her thoughts as she stared at the drawing of them on the side of her mirror. Slowly, things started to patch together, as if like slowly completing a puzzle. Gigi’s handwriting, her choice of words or clothes or the way she sent her those old photographs. It never occurred to her why she did not ask her of her phone number or anyway she can contact her online but it all made sense. She couldn’t. It was because she was from a different time than Crystal.
The next afternoon, Crystal found herself walking towards the thrift shop that her friend Jackie owned. She was greeted with a welcoming smile from the owner.
“Miss Crystal, how are you?” Jackie spoke as she put some trinkets on the shelves. “There is a new batch of sweaters that arrived yesterday. It’s just back there.”
“Do you still have that painting?” The teenager walked over the art section, scanning the place for the art piece that she had her eyes on the last time she went to the store.
“Which one? There are a lot of paintings there.”
“The portrait of a girl. It’s this smiling girl.”
It took her a few minutes before she spotted the painting. A big smile flashed on her face as she recognized the portrait that Gigi painted. Her fingers slightly stroked the edges, running her thumb on the signature on the lower corner of the artwork. It definitely was Gigi’s work.
Crystal left the shop feeling triumphant and excited as she take home the portrait that Gigi made. The memory of that dream when she met the scarlet-haired girl, the one when the other girl showed her a sketch of the two of them together. However, the reality of them being separated by time haunted her as she made her way home.
Her hands dropped on her side, the teenager walked on a field of green grass, her fingers touching the flowers surrounding her. She continued her stroll until she arrived on a clearing, a small lake at the end of her view. There, she saw a young lady, sitting down while reading a thin booklet. She moved closer towards the picnic area when she saw the same portrait she just bought from Jackie’s thrift shop.
“Finally.” The young lady let out a soft sigh as she put down her book before standing up and wrapping her arms around Crystal. “You made me worry. I am glad you are here now. I missed you.”
Crystal remained quiet as she sat down beside Gigi, looking inside the picnic basket as she tried to distract herself from looking at the other girl.
“Are you all right? Is something wrong, Crys?” Gigi’s soft voice echoed in Crystal’s ears. She looked up at the girl and gave her a small smile.
“No no. I’m fine. Congratulations on winning, by the way. I’m sorry I was just busy with school works so I had no time to send you a letter. I got caught up with everything.” The teenager tried to liven up her voice but she knew what she said was a lie. In fact, she was trying to avoid Gigi after the information she learned.
“Oh, no problem and thank you! I brought it here with me today. I was planning on giving it to you in reality. I just didn’t know how. Maybe you can send me your address and I’ll gift it to you!”
“No need.”
“What do you mean? I want to give it to you as a gift.” A hint of disappointment was heard from Gigi’s voice as her sweet smile turned into a frown.
“I… I actually just bought the painting. Your painting.” Crystal whispered in a low voice, not expecting Gigi to actually hear it.
“Bought it? But it’s not for sale… and how?”
Crystal picked up the frame and a faint smile crept on her face as she stared at Gigi’s artwork. “You did really incredible on this one, Geege. I love it very much.”
As if what she heard earlier was nothing, Gigi’s frown slowly shaped into one of her honey-dipped smiles. She was fascinated and thankful that Crystal loved her work. “Thank you. It’s actually you, in that painting. Your smile is my happiness.”
The corner of Crystal’s lips formed a bigger smile then dropped after hearing Gigi’s words. The young lady must’ve noticed the change in her mood. She put her hand on top of Crystal’s hand which the teenager pulled away in an instant.
“Crys, darling, what’s wrong?”
Silence filled the area as the teenager slowly put down the painting. She turned to look at the lake in front of them, staring at the vast horizon. It was getting a bit dark but they both didn’t mind. They were focused on just the two of them, sitting there by the lake.
“Everything. Everything’s wrong.”
The look of confusion painted on Gigi’s face as she took Crystal’s hand once more. She caressed it softly, trying to comfort the other girl. “W-what do you mean?” Her voice slightly cracked as she gazed at her.
“I think we should stop from here.”
“Stop? Crystal, I am deeply confused with everything you are telling me right now.”
“We can’t go on anymore. We have to stop this delusion. We have to stop writing to each other. We have to… end this.” Crystal’s voice broke off as she shared her sentiments to the scarlet-haired girl in front of her.
“W-what do you mean? Why? How can we stop now?”
“I don’t know. I just know that we should cut ties.”
“No. I can’t not be with you.”
Crystal covered her face in frustration as she faced the other girl. “But you have to. We can’t go on like this.”
“But I like you.”
The sudden confession from Gigi caught the teenager by surprise. She did not know what to feel as the hearing someone liked her that way especially that it was Gigi. For the first time, Crystal wanted to wake up from her dreams. She could not believe what the scarlet-haired girl had uttered and the fact that she didn’t want to tell her the truth face to face made it more difficult for her.
“No. I’m sorry, Geege.” She took a deep breathe before she continued. “We… we can’t be together.”
“What do you mean? I know it’s the 50’s and people would frown upon us. However, we don’t have to listen to them. We can be together. We’ll fight… for us.” The young lady took Crystal’s hand with her both hands but the other removed it from her grip right away.
“Do… do you not like to be with me, Crystal? I thought our date the other time went well. I thought you would have feelings for me too.”
“That’s not the problem.”
“Then what is?”
The teenager picked up the portrait and the corner of her lips showed a small, sad smile. Her eyes darted on Gigi who was wiping her tears.
“Thank you for bringing this here and wanting to give this to me. But I saw it from a thrift shop, the same place I bought your jewelry box from. And I bought it.” She took another deep breath before continuing. “We can’t be together. You said it’s the 50’s but no, it’s not. It’s 2019 already. We are years apart. We can’t be together.”
Crystal saw Gigi’s lips moving as if saying something but everything slowly became blurry. She was hearing no sounds, except the sound of someone weeping. As she touched her own cheeks, she noticed them being wet. When she opened her eyes, she was back in her room, tears flowing down her face. She looked around and saw the portrait that the other girl painted of her. A slight pain was felt on her chest as she felt more sadness inside. It reminded her of last night’s dream.
#rpdr fanfiction#crygi#crystal x gigi#gigi x crystal#crystal methyd#gigi goode#crygi fanfiction#jackie cox#lesbian au#rpdr s12#fantasy#letters#SOSN Crygi
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Survey #308
“you don’t need treats, and you don’t need tricks, and you don’t need me.”
Middle name? Marie. Or Marie Catherine, if we're technical, but as someone who loooong left Catholicism and never even agreed with many aspects of it in the first place, I don't like to include it. If you're confused, there's a ceremony called Confirmation, and while I honestly don't even remember the details of it, you adopt the name of a saint you want to stand for, kinda. I chose Catherine just because I liked the name outta my other options. Democrat/republican/other? I classify myself as Independent because I really don't relate well enough to either, but I do know I'm becoming more and more liberal with time. Do you dress according to your mood? My mood? No. I dress with what I feel like wearing at that time, but my actual mood has nothing to do with it. Are you good at doing hair/make up? No. Are you always worried or stressed about something? 24/7, my friend. Can you swim? Yeah. Are you afraid of needles? I don't like them, but I'm not afraid of them. How many kids do you want? Zero. Long/short nails? I keep mine short. Do you like wearing hats? No. Does mall Santa Clauses or Easter bunnies freak you out? Nah, I loved seeing Santa as a kid. :') Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am RIDICULOUSLY clumsy. Do you like when a guy picks you up in his arms? In concept, but I ain't easy to pick up anymore lmao. Do you like hairless cats? I do!! Females, anyway, for... obvious reasons lol. Not having fur makes some things waaay too ~obvious~ otherwise. I would love a sphynx. Do you like the color yellow? No; it's actually one of my most disliked colors. Have you ever seen a cat have a hairball? Yeah. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? Not by a dentist, no, just by myself as a kid when I was losing my baby teeth. When someone says don’t look do you look? It depends on why they're telling me to not look. Have you ever played spin the bottle? No. If you had to name three important details about you, what would you say? I'm a very emotional person, I need a lot of "me" time, and to be aware of my social anxiety so not every interaction I have is perceived as just a dumpster fire. What are your three biggest insecurities? My creativity, my goddamn body, and my lack of social skills. If you could write anonymous letters to three people, who would you send it to and what would you say? Ummm. I can only think of people I miss and don't WANT to be anonymous... Favorite photo of yourself? A senior prom picture I don't have anymore. I looked so, so happy and fuck my low self-esteem, gorgeous. Who are you disappointed with right now? I'm like, permanently disappointed in myself lol. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? No. My minimum is 21. What question do you hate to answer? "Are you a virgin?" because it's just a confusing answer. It doesn't sound like one at all, but trust me on this. The subject of sex just makes me uncomfortable anyway, so even if I was confident in the answer, I wouldn't want to talk about it. What’s your most listened to song? I don't have a way of actually finding that out, but I'd say I've been listening to "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli quite a lot lately. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? I mean, I don't know. It would depend on what was going on in my life and head at the time. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? A nice car for Mom. She's had the same shitty car for yeeeeeaaaaarrrrrssssss now because she just can't afford a new one; hell, this one was free. A dance friend hit a deer, so the front of the car is messed up, and she bought a new one, but because the car itself was still functional, she gave it to my mom. Mom is so loved at the studio. The car just has various issues by this point, like trouble starting, accelerating, it's bumpy, etc., so it's way past time for a new one. Do you like licorice? NOOOOOOOOOO that's a big 'ole "ew." Have you ever visited your country’s capital city? No, but I've seen it from a distance when riding up to NY. When was the last time you were outdoors for over an hour? WOW. I couldn't even try to guess. What is the shortest amount of time you’ve lived somewhere? The house I was born into. I actually don't know how long Mom and Dad lived there, but I was only in that house as a very little baby. I have zero memories of it. What’s your favorite kind of mint? (Peppermint/wintergreen/spearmint/etc.) ... There's a difference? lol I guess peppermint? What was the last thing to frustrate you? I wanted to draw yesterday, but I didn't know what to draw to even get started. Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party? No. Did any of your family members serve in WWII? I don't believe so? Well... maybe my grampa did? I don't remember. What’s your favorite kind of salad? Gimme an Olive Garden salad and I will deadass eat the whole bowl. Are you more realistic or idealistic? I'd say I'm more realistic with most things. Are you currently borrowing something from someone? No. Is anyone currently borrowing anything from you? No. What is your last name’s heritage/country of origin? Ireland. When did you last buy a new pair of shoes? What kind? I got new flipflops a year or so back because my old Rainbows were so worn out and blackened my feet. Have you ever experienced culture shock while traveling? If so, where? No. Are you able to see the stars at night where you live? I actually haven't checked since moving here. We're in the suburbs though, so it's questionable. Do you include your middle initial in your signature? Not unless it's required, usually. I think. When's the last time I physically signed anything, anyway? What brand of computer do you have? It's an Acer Nitro. What operating system does that computer run? Windows 10. What’s the oldest piece of clothing that you still own and wear? I don't really know, given how much my weight has fluctuated. Went drastically up, went down, now it's back up. .-. I still own a handful of shirts I want to "shrink back into" from late HS and early college times, but yeah, I don't know if I'll actually achieve that. Is the area in which you live flat, hilly, or mountainous? Flat as my ass. What is your significant other or best friend’s ring tone? No one on my phone has a "special" ringtone. Where do you keep your hair brush? There's a comb I use in a drawer in the bathroom. Which pair of shoes have you owned the longest? Multiple pairs of Converse, also from high school. When’s the last time you were sick at the same time as someone else? I'm very happy to say I don't even recall the last time I was sick. My immune system is the fuckin GOAT. What did you have for breakfast this morning? A pb&j. We've got very little rn, but thankfully Mom's picking up our Wal-Mart order today. Last time you were in pain? If I'm standing, you can bet my legs hurt, so. What color is your mom’s hair? It's growing back totally gray now. Is that also your hair color? Well, no, I'm only 25. Do you watch any daily vloggers on YouTube? Who? No. I watch people who vlog occasionally, but not regularly. It's gotta be people I'm very into to really be interested in vlogs. What room of your house do you usually do your surveys in? Sigh, I'm always in my bedroom. Really hoping Mom and I muster up the motivation to clean up the extra room soon to turn it into my "dayroom" or "office," if you will. What do you put on your tacos? I hate tacos. What is your favorite stuffed animal and where did you get it? I have a bittersweet connection to the adorable plush meerkat Jason gave me for Valentine's our first year together; I always slept with it when we were together by apart, and for a year or so after the breakup. It was a source of comfort for me, so I'm really fond of it. Fella's fur is so worn out and matted down with age and lots of love. He's on my dresser now, towards the front of all my plushies. Last thing you hung up on your wall? My Illidan poster, I believe. Do you have a full length mirror? Yeah, on the back of my door. Is it currently raining? No, finally. It's been raining for like a fuckin week, it seems like. It's finally a clear day. It's nice to hear birds outside. Does anyone you live with talk in their sleep? Does this happen often? I'M the one doing the talking/screaming in my sleep. Thanks, nightmares. When was the last time you cried, or felt tearful? I'm not positive, but I know I had a pretty rough PTSD night not too long ago where I teared up. Did you wake up with a song stuck in your head today? What was it? Ohhh yes; I've been listening to Mother Mother's "Ghosting" on repeat because it's jammed up there. When was the last time you used moisturiser or lotion of some kind? Not too long ago on my hands. They get dry this time of year, and besides, I wash my hands a lot nowadays especially. What was the last thing you owned, that was accidentally broken or damaged? Were you able to get it fixed? My laptop, and yes. Tell me about the last dream you recall having. Was it weird, amusing, etc. So this is pretty wild. I know I had a nightmare last night, but I don't remember it; the night before, however, I had a nightmare about a possibly rabid and ginormous rat (I mean like, smaller dog sized) in the house and trying to bite me. It was SUPER weird, because I was actually afraid of it, yet I absolutely adore rats in real life. What was the last video you watched on YouTube? I've really gotten into John Wolfe (a let's player) lately, and I'm going through his The Evil Within playthrough. Do your parents use any social media at all? My mom has a Facebook, and hilariously, Dad has a Snapchat to talk with my sister Nicole. He has no clue what he's doing with it and it's adorable, haha. Mom also has a Twitter, but she doesn't use it. Is there anyone in your life who regularly asks how your day has been? Regularly, no. I've always been that person, especially in the WoW guild I'm in. I'm very close and comfortable with them and ask how everyone's doing any time I log on. Lovely people who give me some social interaction every day. Tell me something positive about the day you've had. It's still early, but once again, it's pretty and bright outside. Why do you prefer Facebook over MySpace, because I know you do? Ha, you'd be incorrect. MySpace was more personal, so I actually preferred it. But it's obviously long-dead, so I just settle with Facebook. Have you read the Pretty Little Liars series? No. My sister looooves it, though. What product do you use to moisturize your lips? I don't remember, actually... It's in my purse somewhere. When did you start using Xanga? I never have. Be honest, do you judge people on their appearance? Judge, I don't think so. I can make assumptions like everyone else, but I'm not gonna think someone is beneath me just by their attire. Do you know anyone who does not like The Beatles? Me. At least, most songs. "Hey Jude" is good, but everyone agrees with that, haha. Did you have a friend in middle school that you’re now enemies with in high school? I'm long since out of HS. I had a middle school friend who I disconnected with following a fight in high school, but we weren't "enemies," and we reunited our senior year anyway. Aaaaand we're not friends anymore once again lmao. What is one thing you hope your children don’t inherit from you? If I hypothetically wanted kids, God knows I'd hope they wouldn't have my psychological issues. Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? It'd be nice, anyway. What type of foundation do you wear? None. Who’s the most controlling person you know? Someone I'm no longer friends with, partially because of this. Do males look good in skinny jeans? Yep. Are you for or against guyliner? Ugggghhhhh guyliner makes me weak in the knees. How many jobs have you had? Where do you currently work? Three; nowhere. Who did you last hit? Um, nobody??? What way of self-care do you enjoy the most and what feels more like an obligation? I enjoy my alone time on the computer as the best self-care, especially after being social all day; I don't, however, enjoy the act of performing hygiene care. I still do it, it's just not fun. The feeling afterwards is great, though. Have you ever tried specific diet plans or fads? What made you do it and how did it turn out for you? I was briefly using NutriSystem, which didn't work for me. I hated too much of the food. More recently I stuck with flexible dieting and calorie counting for a while, but I drifted from it when I still lost no fucking weight in like a month. I want to get back to it, though... oh, and intermittent fasting. I don't think it really worked for me yet again, even though I did it correctly, but that and the aforementioned flexible dieting is all I feel like I can handle. I guess I just have to give it longer. Do you know anyone who has been directly affected by COVID-19 e.g. testing positive, losing a loved one, or their job due to the pandemic? Too many people I know have had it or had someone they loved die because of it. Take this shit seriously. Is there a kind of music you only prefer listening to during specific type of activities that you otherwise wouldn’t enjoy under normal circumstances (e.g. EDM while doing sports or instrumental music while studying, etc.)? No; I have to actually enjoy the music. If you had to start a YouTube channel and motivations/skills/resources/any other inhibiting factors weren’t an issue, what would it be about? Either animal (preferrably reptiles) education or let's plays, ig. Has anything ever happened to you that if you told someone about, they would think you’re making it up? I don't believe so. What travel destination or popular spot have you been to that you found overrated? What about a lesser known place that you thought was a hidden gem? I really don't know; I haven't traveled nearly enough for this.
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1021
survey by lets-make-surveys
1 - Do you have cats? Tell me about them. No. My sister used to have a cat, but Arlee passed away last April, I think a day or two before my birthday.
2 - Do you have an open fire in your house? Would you like one? Idk what that is, but it doesn’t sound appealing as I live in a tropical country as it is. More heat would just be uncomfortable.
3 - Are you a fan of making things cosy? What kind of things do you do to make your home feel cosy and snug? Cozy is nice, of course, but I wouldn’t always invest in them. I’d want my own place to have scented candles and fluffy pillows and blankets, but those three things are probably enough for me. I don’t really need fairy lights or oil diffusers or whatever.
4 - Do you still buy DVD’s or do you just use Netflix? Netflix. The last time I received a DVD was around...2013 maybe? when my mom gave me a DVD of Gone with the Wind for Christmas. I haven’t sought them out since, since everything is now online anyway.
5 - What kind of games console(s) do you have? What kind of games are your favourite? I grew up around video games but of all the people in my family who enjoys them, I was and am literally the only one who was never any good. I learned to be content with just watching my dad and cousins from the side, haha. Anyway, at home we’re currently using the PS3, PS4, and Switch.
6 - What was the last thing you had to drink? Water.
7 - Do you like things to be colour-coordinated or does it not bother you? Not for absolutely everything, but sure. My notes, back when I was still in school, were always color-coordinated. Also, when my parents asked me to reorganize their closets when I was younger, I liked fixing their clothes according to color too.
8 - Are you a big reader? Do you own many books that you’ve not gotten around to reading yet? I used to be, as a kid. Everyone called me bookworm and I embraced that title, haha. Then I got depressed and that never went away and everything got busy in life, and I was just slowly unable to finish books that I kept buying until I stopped reading altogether. I definitely have a number of books that are still unfinished to this day.
9 - Are you a fan of scented candles? What kind of scent(s) do you like? Mmm no, but I can see the appeal. I’d love to try buying one or two one of these days. They’d probably be perfect for Friday evenings after a work week.
10 - Do you believe that black cats are bad luck? No. I don’t believe in symbols like that. It’s also so frustrating hearing that black cats are still among the least-adopted animals in my country, because it only means people continue to believe in that ridiculous mindset.
11 - What’s your favourite breed of dog? Have you ever owned that breed before? Every breed is my favorite, except for, honestly, chihuahuas and pugs.
12 - Do you have laundry that needs to be done right now? No.
13 - Who or what was the last thing you shouted at? My family was playing Pictionary during the blackout yesterday and that was just a lot of constant yelling, lol
14 - Is there anything in your home that needs repairing or replacing? One of our electric fans broke a few months ago and we have a couple of leaks in the ceiling of our dining room which make it inconvenient whenever it rains. One of the lightbulbs in the kitchen is also close to going out, but I think my dad has already bought a replacement bulb for it.
15 - What kind of phone do you have? Do you use it often? iPhone 8. I’ve definitely been using it a lot recently. My depression for the last two or so months has made me reliant on background noise, so I have YouTube Autoplay all day long. I’m starting to see the effects on the battery hahaha, but it’s okay as I plan to get a new phone once I can finally afford a monthly plan.
16 - Who was the last person you spoke to on video chat? I was on video call with Angel and our HR supervisor on our first day last Monday.
17 - When was the last time you took any medication? Is this something you have to do regularly? I think it was a Biogesic for my headache, which is the only kind of pill I ever take anyway. No, I only pop one whenever I feel my temples start to throb, which isn’t too often.
18 - Where do you keep your shoes when you’re not wearing them? We have a storage space under the stairs, where our shoe rack also is. All my shoes are on there as we’re not allowed to bring any shoes upstairs (welcome to Asian homes, hahaha).
19 - Is your room/home generally clean and tidy? How long would you say you spent on housework each day? It’s clean. I don’t move around in here much except to sit at my desk to work and then sleep at the end of the day, so. As for housework, my mom’s a total control freak when it comes to chores, so even though I always want to help she wants things done her way, the steps of which only she knows.
20 - If you could have any snack in the world right now, what would you pick? What about a drink to go with it? I don’t have any particular craving right now, actually...maybe sushi? Deep fried maki sounds great rn. Just water would be fine.
21 - What’s everyone else in your household doing right now? Dad drove out for his work and my mom tagged along. No clue what my siblings are doing downstairs as I haven’t showed myself today so far.
22 - What was the last new item you bought for your home? (something like curtains or furniture, not something unique for you like clothes). Mom bought new plates as she felt like replacing the plate set we’ve had and been using since first moving here in ‘08. She also got a new tornado mop after the old one broke.
23 - Do you have a favourite mug to drink out of? Does your favourite change depending on what you’re going to be drinking? Yeah I used to love my color-changing mug with the wi-fi design, but now I’ve been using my mom’s Starbucks copper mug the most. As for the second question, no it doesn’t work that way for me. I’ll drink anything in my current favorite mug.
24 - What are five things you like to have within arms reach when you’re sat on the computer or settled down to watch TV? Phone, laptop charger, a hairtie, a blanket, and the cleaning cloth for my glasses.
25 - When doing surveys, do you have a certain routine or anything, or do you just sit and do them whenever and whatever? I don’t have a ~routine per se but I do have a few traditions, so to speak:
I prefer a cup of coffee to accompany me while taking them though I don’t always follow this, like now.
If I’m taking surveys in public, like at a coffee shop, I zoom out my Chrome to around 67% so that no one could see what I’m doing.
I try to check out Bzoink everyday for new survey leads, but sometimes Tumblr will be filled with good surveys (like now - there are so many good ones floating around on here recently??? I’m so not complaining) and I keep track of them by liking those survey posts to take in the future.
I generally avoid bolding surveys, but when I do take one I prefer to actually answer each item, so that it doesn’t end too quickly for me.
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Reylo Coffee Shop AU
"You know," she heard her best friend Rose say. "As a barista, I feel like I should tell you that you look like you could use more coffee. But as your best friend, I feel obligated to tell you that maybe you just need some sleep."
Rey groaned as she straightened up from leaning against her open textbook at her table. "It's not like I can sleep in my dorm room. My roommate is the worst." Giving up on studying, she packed up all her supplies as she started into a rant. "She got this new boyfriend, and he basically lives in our dorm now. I barely want to study with a stranger in the room, I definitely don't want to sleep with him around. And do you know what my roommate said when I talked to her about it? She had the nerve to tell me that I'm just jealous." She slammed her textbook and looked to Rose for encouragement. "Can you believe that?"
She was met with pursed lips from Rose. "So I'm not saying what she's doing is fine, cause it isn't, but are you sure that none of this hostility is coming from just a little bit of jealousy?"
"I am not jealous."
Rose raised her hands in defense. "All I'm saying is that you also seemed a bit touchy like this when Finn and I started dating."
Rey rolled her eyes harder than she ever had. "You guys met here. At a coffee shop. Do you know how cliche that is? Who actually meets their soulmate in a coffee shop?"
"Technically we met in freshmen biology. I just didn't work up the nerve to ask him out until he started coming here everyday for coffee."
"I have not had enough caffeine for this conversation," Rey said massaging her temples.
"I'm not making you anymore coffee," Rose warned, getting to her feet. "One sec, I've got another customer."
Rey's eyes followed Rose back to the counter, and she sat up a little straighter when she saw the waiting customer. A well-dressed man stood at the counter and gave a small smile as Rose took his order. Maybe it was just a result of all the relationship talk, but Rey couldn't help but notice that he was insanely attractive. He had dark wavy hair and dark eyes that swam with hidden depths of mystery. And he was tall. Rey was rather tall herself for a female, but this man would've towered over her still. Even though a counter separated them, she could see that the top of Rose's head didn't even reach his shoulders.
Rey immediately felt self-conscious of her hair, which was pulling up in the world's messiest bun, and of her shirt which may or may not have had more than one coffee stain on it. Her gaze didn't stray from the man, but he never looked her way. He simply waited for his coffee, and he left as soon as Rose handed it to him.
Rose returned to Rey's table a minute later taking off her apron as she sat. "And that is officially the end of my shift."
"Who was that guy?" Rey asked with a one track mind.
"Why?"
"Just curious," Rey shrugged.
Rose chuckled. "I don't really know except that his name is Ben. He's been coming in every day for about two weeks now to get coffee. And you've been sitting at this table studying for about two weeks now. But I guess you just now noticed him?"
"Ben, huh?" she asked, her mind drifting. "And you said he comes in here everyday?"
"Yeah... What are you planning?"
"Absolutely nothing."
*****
"Are you wearing mascara?" Rose asked incredulously the next day.
"Maybe," Rey said coyly as she dropped her backpack on the ground at her table.
"Who are you trying to impress? Is it about that guy you were asking me about yesterday?"
"Can't a girl just feel like looking nice just for herself?" Rey asked as she pulled out her laptop.
"Well of course a girl can. But you never do."
Rey may or may not have put a little bit of extra effort into her appearance when getting dressed this morning. She put on a subtle layer of makeup, although obviously not subtle enough, wore a nice black blouse, her best jeans, tall boots, and even wore her hair half down. But it's not like she was trying to impress anyone. Nobody but Rose paid attention to her anyway.
"I just felt like changing things up today. Don't overthink it."
Rose narrowed her eyes as she returned back to work. One peppermint mocha latte later, Ben walked in the door. Rey stared over the top of her laptop as she pretended to be writing her research paper. Once again though, he got his coffee and left without even looking in her direction.
She frowned slightly as he walked out. It was fine. She wasn't upset. It's not like she'd been expecting anything. Only people like Rose got cutesy love stories in coffee shops, and Rey's life certainly wasn't a fairy tale.
When Rose's shift ended and she came to sit, Rey didn't hesitate before speaking. "So his name is Ben Solo."
"What? No middle name. I'm disappointed." Rose laughed.
Rey glared. "His full name is Benjamin Lucas Solo. Now may I finish?"
"There's more?" Rose sighed as Rey's glare intensified. "Of course you may finish."
"He's a senior in his final semester here. He's graduating a semester early in case you were wondering. He's a political science major with a minor in literature. His mom is Leia Organa and his dad is Han Solo! And that means his uncle is Luke Skywalker!"
Rose raised an eyebrow. "Should I know who any of those people are?"
Rey groaned. "Leia Organa is only one of the most influential senators of this generation. and Both Han Solo and Luke Skywalker are famous war heroes. Han with the Air Force and Luke with the Army. Come on, Rose. And I thought I lived under a rock having grown up in an orphanage."
"Okay, okay," Rose said. "So he's related to pretty important people. How did you even find any of this out?"
Rey waved a hand. "The internet knows everything."
"But how did you..." Rose trailed off and shook her head. "Never mind. I don't wanna know. So what are you gonna do with all this information?"
Rey sighed. "Nothing. There's nothing do with it."
"You know, you could just try talking to him. He seems nice enough."
"He probably doesn't want to talk to me. He's related to so many important people, and I'm just some random nobody."
"Well, you never know until you try."
Days passed and Rey continued to dress nice to stare as Ben came to get coffee only to leave without speaking to her. One day she was almost certain that he looked at her, but that's about all she had to show for her efforts.
On the last day of finals, the last day she could see him before he graduated and left forever, Rey had an idea. As soon as she got to Starbucks, she walked up to the counter where Rose worked.
"Grande peppermint mocha latte?" she asked with a knowing smile.
"No," Rey said firmly. "Well, yes. But also no."
Rose scrunched up her eyebrows. "I'm confused. Do you want one or not?"
"I do. But I was also wondering, do you know what Ben's order is?"
"Of course." Rose smiled. "He orders a black coffee everyday."
"What?" Rey scrunched her nose. "Why? Why come to Starbucks and just order a black coffee? Wouldn't it be cheaper to just buy a Keurig?"
"Maybe," Rose shrugged. "But he said this gives him an excuse to see someone everyday." She sent Rey a pointed look.
She blanched. "You don't think he means me, do you?"
"Look around. Who else is in here everyday?"
"Then why hasn't he ever spoken to me?"
Rose let out an exasperated sigh. "Why haven't you ever talked to him? You both are assuming the other doesn't want to know you."
"Okay, okay." Rey took a deep breath. "I'm going to buy his coffee today. When he comes in to order just point him in my direction."
"I can do that."
Fifteen minutes later, Ben walked in and Rey felt her stomach flip. What if she made a huge mistake? As he walked up to the counter and talked with Rose, Rey honestly felt like running for the door. She watched Rose hand him his coffee and point in her direction, and she braced herself for the inevitable.
He walked over to her table with a small smile. He gestured to the empty seat across from her. "May I?"
"Of course," Rey forced herself to smile instead of showing the anxiety she felt.
"So you're the one who bought my coffee today." His voice was a low rumble that somehow seemed to make him even more attractive.
"Oh yeah," Rey tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I see you in here everyday, and I've been meaning to introduce myself but I never got the chance, so I figured this was just as good a way as any."
"Do you know who my parents are?" he asked.
"I do, but that's not why I wanted meet you."
"Really?" He seemed genuinely shocked. "That's usually the only reason people talk to me. They see me as their gateway to fame."
"Well I promise that's not me," she said. "I just think you look like a really nice guy is all." And you're super cute so if you wanted to marry me that'd be cool too, she added in her head.
"You're Rey, right?" he asked.
Her jaw hung open for a moment. He knew who she was already. He knew her name. "That would be me."
He smiled. "I've read some of your research papers the university published. If you could actually manage to create the technology you proposed that could change the world."
Now her jaw was definitely hanging open. "No way! You actually read those papers? The department made a big deal out of publishing them but I didn't think anyone would even look at them."
He laughed. "Well I read them. And I'll admit, it made me a little curious about the girl who wrote them so I may have done a little research on you."
"And learned that I come to this Starbucks to study literally every single day?"
"I may have noticed that."
Rey laughed now. "So do you have big plans for after graduation?"
He shook his head. "Not really. I want to go into politics like my mom obviously, but my dad's still bugging me to become a pilot. And my uncle has always wanted me to join the army. Did you know that my uncle made me do an army military camp with him one summer in high school?" He laughed. "Worst summer of my life."
"Really? Was it really that bad?"
"Oh it was the worst. I told him I was going to burn the place down to save other children from having to go through what I did."
Rey burst into laughter. "I'm assuming you didn't actually burn it down."
"No, but I came close."
"Okay, but seriously, you've gotta have some kind of a plan for what you're about to do with your life."
"I do," he relented. "But my goals are more long term. The short term goal is to get to know you outside of this coffee shop."
Rey gave a small laugh. "You're just messing with me now."
He shook his head. "I'm not. Here." He passed a napkin over to her with his messy scrawl on it. "It's my phone number. I'm hoping you'll get good use out of it. Being the son of national heroes means you're actually pretty lonely most of the time."
Rey smiled broadly as she took the napkin. "Well you're not alone anymore."
Ben smiled back. "And neither are you."
#reylo#coffee shop au#star wars#rey#ben solo#kylo ren#tros#rise of skywalker#reylo au#oneshot#bendemption
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Snk:Mafia!Omegaverse : Chap 16
Chapter 16 : Visits
The Alpha woke him up around noon for lunch:
-“You need to eat sweetheart.”
-“I'm not very hungry...”
-“Just do me a favor. You need to eat and rest if you want to come with me tomorrow.”
Eren straightened up :
-“All right.”
The meal was more relaxed than the day before. They talked a little more and it was Eren who asked questions. Needless to say, he was happy that Levi answered him sincerely, well, he hoped it was sincere:
-“I have to go to work. If you need anything, use the beeper. All right?”
-“Ok.”
The Omega hadn't forgiven the mobster, but he was willing to give him a chance to redeem himself and take him back to his sister... It was worth a try. But he wasn't gonna make it easy for Levi. The Alpha was going to have to work hard to make things better between them. Eren still enjoyed the caress on his cheek that the mobster gave him before he left the apartment. The Omega did the dishes and went to take a shower. He stayed for a long time under the shower while savouring the feeling of plenitude which ran through him. Things would soon get better. All was not lost.
The rest of the morning was fairly quiet and dotted with naps on the soft sofa in the living room. His anxiety attack this morning had exhausted him deeply. In fact, the totality of the last events had exhausted him. In between naps, he played the console game and ate what he wanted from the fridge. He didn't care that it wasn't right to eat all day, he just wanted to keep busy. And food was a wonderful occupation.
It was 8:00 pm when Levi got back to the apartment. Eren was in his pajamas, sitting on the couch with a book in his hand and a blanket around him:
-“Are you okay?”
-“Hm, hm," confirmed the youngest while continuing his reading.”
The part he was reading was very interesting and he didn't want to stop right away:
-“Are you cold?”
-“A little.”
The Alpha returned to the elevator and turned up the heat in the apartment by a few degrees:
-“You should feel better in a little while.”
-“Thank you.”
-“Actually, I stopped by your place today.”
The young man closed his book and quickly turned to the mob:
-“Did you stop by my place?”
-“Yes. And I brought you this.”
The Alpha handed him a box that he had no trouble recognizing. It was his "special heat" box. Eren ran up to Levi and ripped the box from his hands and made him blush from ear to ear:
-“Thank you.”
-“You're welcome. I know they won't arrive until next month, but I thought you'd be reassured to know you have plenty to do in advance.”
-“Thank you.”
The Omega ran to his room and sat on his bed with his precious box. He opened it cautiously to see that everything he needed was there. But there was something more. A flat rectangle surrounded by a cloth. He unfolded it slowly and tears immediately came to his eyes. These were the two photos he had always kept on his bedside table; a photo of his family and a photo of him with Mikasa and Armin. He put the two frames on his bedside table, put his box in one of the drawers and took a deep breath to contain his tears. Then he joins Levi downstairs. The Alpha was sitting at his desk and playing on his laptop keyboard:
-“... Thanks for the photos.”
-“You're welcome. I thought you'd appreciate having a memento of your family and friends.”
Friends... Jean! :
-“Is... Is Jean okay?”
The mobster finally lifted his head from his screen:
-“Sure. Why?”
Eren bit the inside of his cheek:
-“Because I... I asked him about the Omega protection system...”
-“And he didn't tell you. -And he didn't tell you. He didn't make that mistake. And if there's no mistake, there's no punishment. So your friend is fine. I mean... he's sad about your death, like everyone else, but other than that, he's fine.”
In a way, that reassures the Omega. He should have worried about John earlier, but he'd been too busy worrying about his own life:
-“Tomorrow morning I'll come and wake you up early so you can follow me. As you don't have the official uniform yet, I'll ask you to wear the most elegant thing you have in your wardrobe.”
-“Right... when you say early, that is?”
-“6 o'clock for a 7 o'clock departure.”
It reminded him a bit of his tea room schedule:
-“So, I'm going to bed. -I'm going to bed. Good night, Levi.”
-“Good night Eren.”
The young man wasted no time and went up to his room. He threw himself on his bed and watched the city lights from the bay window. He was looking forward to tomorrow. He was going to learn more about Levi's work. He just hoped it would be a good experience and not another reason to be afraid of the Alpha. Eren wrapped himself in his sheets and closed his eyes, he would see tomorrow.
Eren woke up feeling something caressing his cheek. He grunted before he could hardly open his eyes. It was Levi's fingers touching his skin with tenderness:
-“It’s time to wake up sleeping beauty. We have to leave here in 15 minutes.”
-“Ok. Ok.”
-“Good. I'll wait for you downstairs.”
The Alpha left the room immediately afterwards. Eren rubbed his eyes before stretching out and leaving the warmth of his sheets. He took a quick wash before standing in front of his wardrobe. Levi had told him to wear clothes that were as classy as possible, but he hadn't bought anything like that... He took a pair of black jeans and a white shirt and crossed his fingers that Levi was satisfied. The Omega came down the stairs making as little noise as possible and headed towards the kitchen. Levi sat there, a cup of tea in his hand, facing a plate of scrambled eggs. When the older man raised his head to look at Eren, he didn't say anything, just detailed him from head to toe. Eren began to twist his fingers in anguish and lowered his shoulders a little:
-“I don't have a suit, so... I put this on.”
-“We'll go buy you one later. In the meantime, this will do. Sit down and eat. The eggs are still warm.”
The young man sat down in front of his host and began to eat. Levi was a really good cook, there was no doubt about it.
After breakfast, the duo went to the elevator. Levi used his access badge to unlock the machine. The descent was quiet and a bit scary for the Omega, but he tried to stay as calm as possible. Levi got out of the elevator first and headed immediately to his office. He used his badge again and opened the door. The Alpha invited Eren in first and he obeyed. He stopped in the center of the room and waited for Levi to join him. The mobster closed the door behind him and moved to his office:
-“Come here.”
The young man joined Levi and watched what he was doing on his computer. He was checking his e-mails and from what he was reading, the mob was running his club... A feeling of disappointment took hold of the Omega. He expected anything but that. He didn't know why, but disappointment overtook him. Silence fell in the office. Neither of them spoke for a long time:
-“You know. The mafia aspect of the movies is wrong. We don't spend our time doing secret meetings, murders and other illegal trafficking. We also have our business to run and that doesn't mean we need to kill for it. But if that's what you want to see, I can show you how Survey Corps works.”
Eren almost dislocated his head so quickly he turned it around:
-“Really?”
Levi took his eyes off his computer to look at the Omega at his side and arch an eyebrow:
-“I want to know what I'm involved in, Levi.”
-“All right. I'll take you back to the starting point as soon as I'm done dealing with this.”
-“And how long is that gonna take?”
The Alpha smiled an amused smile:
-“Impatient?”
-“Curious.”
Eren's immediate response made Levi smile a little more:
-“I'll try to make it quick then.”
The mobster turned his attention to his computer while the young man kept staring at it. He remembered what Levi had told him yesterday; he was going to try to control himself so as not to hurt him. Eren thought he could do it. After all, if he couldn't control himself, he would have marked him yesterday in the halls of Erwin's mansion. But despite their proximity and his excitement, Levi hadn't. He had been able to keep him in control of his inner Alpha so as not to hurt him. Just for that alone, the young man was willing to give him a chance. And that started with letting him understand the new environment around him.
Eren was startled when he heard Levi's voice again:
-“We're moving.”
Levi stood up from his desk and held out his hand to the Omega. The young man didn't hesitate a second before taking it. He blushed up to his ears when he saw that Levi didn't let go of his hand, but simply pulled it out after him. The young man didn't try to let go of the mobster's hand either. He appreciated the gentle warmth that emanated from his palm and came to warm his own. Eren didn't know why Levi's touch was still pleasant to him despite all that had happened. He'd have to tell Hanji about it.
The duo went to the private garage under the club and climbed into Levi's car. Levi grabbed his phone and called someone:
-“We're on our way to School.”
And he hung up:
-“Once you're there, you don't talk to anyone and you don't look anyone in the eyes.”
-“Why?”
-“Because that might be considered a challenge and you'd get yourself killed.”
-“All right.”
-“You stay close to me.”
-“All right.”
Eren had to hang on to his seat because Levi was driving fast and dry. The young man was never happier than when he put his feet on the ground. The building they were parked in front of was the very cliche of the gym. But they didn't enter through the front door, but through the back door after the two guys guarding the door recognized Levi and hurried to open it.
The young man was surprised to find himself in front of a reception counter held by a very (too) muscular man:
-“Mr. Ackerman.”
Levi simply nodded his head before pointing to the door on the right:
-“This is Mike's desk.”
Then the mobster pulled Eren towards the left door, this one gave on a small vestibule with two doors:
-“On the right are the women's locker rooms and on the left are the men's locker rooms.”
They went out the left door. There were metal lockers and an enclosed shower area. The duo went through the locker room to push the next door and they came to a large gym. The first part of the large room was full of sports equipment. The second part of the room was organized around a ring and a space covered with sports mats. At the back of the room was a large steel door:
-“The door at the back is the access to the target practice area.”
Eren swallowed up seeing all those people practicing. And those in the ring and on the mats were not soft on each other. And their looks weren't exactly... classic either. The young man couldn't help but hide a little behind Levi. No doubt the Alpha must have been pleased that Eren sought protection and safety near him. But he didn't show it:
-“This is where Mike trains new recruits for the Survey Corps. The classic gym at the front of the building serves as a front and brings us money. I try to come and train as often as I can but I don't always have the time. Luckily my job keeps me in shape, whether I train or not.”
The slightly amused tone he took to finish his sentence made the young man wince. The latter tensed up as he felt a breath on the back of his neck:
-“Here's a delicate scent I'd know anywhere...”
Levi turned around slowly:
-“How many times do we have to tell you not to sniff people, Mike?”
-“I can't resist a perfect sniff.”
-“Well, I'm gonna have to bite your nose off.”
Eren curled up on himself as Levi released pheromones to wipe Mike's amused smile from his lips. They looked at each other for a long time before the blonde laughed:
-“All right. Very good. I would enjoy his scent as discreetly as possible. What can I do for you?”
-“I want to show Eren how we work.”
The Beta turned his attention to the young man who tried to hide behind Levi despite their height difference:
-“Eren, I'm glad to see you safe. Welcome to The School. This is where we train our new Erwin-approved recruits. Here they learn the basics of combat before being sent to the area they have an interest and skill in, their training continues there. Would you like to begin your training?”
The Omega stiffened but he had no time to answer:
-“He's not here for that and he doesn't need it. My team and I take care of his security.”
Mike smiled mischievously:
-“I'm happy for you.”
-“Shut up, Mike.”
Levi began to growl while taking a step towards Beta. Eren squealed, crushed again by the Alpha's dominance. If Levi's latent pheromones were exciting to him, when he used them to dominate his surroundings, they crushed him and frightened him:
-“Levi…”
The latter immediately stopped scolding and turned to the young man. The anxiety was visible in his eyes:
-“What's wrong? You are trembling.”
Eren didn't realize it, but he was shaking. He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to calm down, but Levi's pheromones were still filling the air too much. He barely refrained from sighing with pleasure as he smelled the soothing pheromones. Levi, sensing an Omega in distress, had instinctively begun to release soothing and comforting pheromones :
-“Let’s go outside and get some air.”
The Alpha slipped one hand on Eren's lower back and guided him to the door:
-“See you both soon”, Mike threw at them as they passed.
To which Levi replied with a middle finger.
Once out in the parking lot at the back of The School, Eren took a deep breath. The fresh air did him good. He felt a hand on the back of his neck and applied light caresses:
-“Do you feel better?”
-“Yes... Thank you.”
-“What happened?”
-“Your pheromones. I can pretty much handle your latent pheromones. But when you voluntarily release them to dominate others, I... I can't. They're so... strong.
-“We're going to have to work on that. If I'm gonna show you what I do, you're gonna have to put up with my pheromones because I can't always get you out.”
-“... OK.”
Eren wasn't 100% sure he really wanted to voluntarily confront Levi's pheromones, but he might have the opportunity not to... :
-“Do you want to go on or do you want to go home?”
-“Who are we going to see? -Who are we going to see?”
-“Hanji.”
-“I should be able to make it.”
-“Right.”
The Alpha opened the passenger side door so the younger one could take a seat.
The ride was silent, which allowed Eren to calm down. Today's demonstration of dominance reinforced his instinct in his choice of Alpha. And the young man was surprised once again to think that with Levi, he and their cubs would be safe. The Omega shook his head sharply, he must not have been thinking about that:
-“You mustn't touch anything once you're at "The Fabrik".”
-“Why not?”
-“Because Hanji's in charge of Survey Corps drug trafficking. She develops them, produces them, and distributes them to her dealers for sale. So we're not gonna get you high with powder or rainbow tablets.”
-“Ho... I see.”
-“She's also developing medical treatments for Omegas.”
-“Sorry?”
-“You heard me.”
The young man was shocked. Medicine and science had long since stopped studying Omegas because they were too few in number and represented an unprofitable investment. It had been shown that their organism could tolerate the Betas medicines quite well, so it had been decided to give them this. On the other hand, the Alphas' bodies did not react to the Betas treatments. And since they were a significant and valuable population in today's society, studies were still being done on them and treatments had been developed just for them. Eren knew that the drugs had little effect on him so most of the time he suffered in silence, especially during his heat. If Levi was telling the truth, Hanji was a real ray of hope for Eren and many Omegas:
-“Is that true?”
-“It started a few years ago. I don't understand much when she talks to me about her work, but maybe you'll understand something.”
Eren found it very difficult to hold on to them until they reached their destination. He had so many questions to ask Hanji.
The car stopped in front of a white gate with a security shed on each side, each housing two security guards. Levi simply lowered his window to show his face to the security guard closest to him. The guard nodded his head and waved the gate open. The car drove to the building's parking lot and the Alpha turned off the engine. Levi got out of the vehicle and Eren did the same. He looked up at the blue letters that adorned the top of the main door "Zoe's Laboratory":
-“Are you coming?”
The Omega joined Levi and they went through the sliding door together. They were greeted by a man in his forties, a red-haired man with big brown eyes:
-“Mr Ackerman, welcome. How can I help you?”
-“Contact Hanji and tell her that Eren and I are waiting for her downstairs.”
-“Yes, sir. Please wait a few moments.”
Levi turned his heels and fell on one of the sofas in the lobby, not far from the reception desk. Eren didn't imitate him. He preferred to stand and observe everything that was going on around him. Everything was in light tones and everything was clean. Levi was almost an intruder in his black suit. It wasn't long before the young man heard the characteristic sound of an elevator arriving at its destination and then heard the sound of hurried footsteps:
-“Eren !”
The Omega had just enough time to turn around before being suffocated by a bear hug:
-“Hello to you too, Hanji.”
The Beta put her hands on his cheeks and examined him from every angle:
-“How do you feel?”
-“I'm fine. And you?”
-“I'm fine.”
She turned to Levi, who was still on the couch with his phone in his hand:
-“What's going on?”
-“He's introducing me to Survey Corps.”
She looked at him suspiciously:
-“Wait... Levi Ackerman, the Survey Corps icicle, is your guide?”
-“Eh... Yes?”
She slowly turned to the Alpha, who was staring at her:
-“Woha. That's... Interesting.
-“You're giving him the tour, or am I?”, Levi scolded.
-“I'll get it.”
The trio headed for one of the elevators and Hanji used her badge to activate their ascent:
-“I'll give you a tour of our research labs first.”
-“Are you really working on omega treatments?”
-“For Alphas, too. But yes, I have a branch that specializes in Omegas. The Omegas in our protection network are always happy to let me take some blood, slick or tissue samples from them to further my research. The data I have collected has enabled me to identify interesting targets for treatments and we are in the process of modifying the treatments for Betas so that they will be effective for you. We have almost completed trials for a painkiller, and I am confident that we will be able to make it available on the market by the end of next year. The data we are studying helps us to better understand how you function, especially in hot weather. We need to understand if we want to be able to help you through this difficult monthly period.”
Eren was filled with gratitude. Finally someone was interested in the fate of the Omegas. He wanted to take Hanji in his arms to express his gratitude:
-“Thank you Hanji... Thank you.”
-“You're welcome. ”
Hanji showed him the labs and explained what each team was doing. They arrived at the first door where Hanji had to identify herself. Then they entered an airlock where she had to confirm her identity and they were decontaminated. When the airlock door opened, they found themselves in a large clean room with many production machines:
-“Welcome to "The Fabrik", Eren. We outsource the production of Betas medicines here. We have a production line in preparation for our own medicines when they are authorized for sale. They are packaged in its large bubbles to ensure sterility of the processes. You have to go through decontamination airlocks and wear a specific suit. The finished products come out of the sterility bubble through further decontamination and are immediately injected into the last series of machines that pack them and lower them into the storage shed that is connected to the loading docks. If we took the stairs behind the door you see at the back, we would reach the hangar and the docks.”
The young man was impressed but didn't really see how the Beta was involved in drugs:
-“The last part of the visit is behind this door.”
Hanji had to confirm her identity twice before she could open the door. Behind it was another production line, but it was not kept in a sterile bubble:
-“This is our only production line for recreational substances. It leads to a different part of the storage shed and the crates are not the same to avoid confusion.”
Levi had to pull Eren after him when Hanji left the site through a door to their right, after many more identifications. They ended up in a corridor with two doors on the right and two on the left:
-“Here are the two new drug development labs as well as the offices of the teams working there.”
They went through the door at the other end of the hallway and found themselves in the great hall that led back to the medical research laboratories and the main elevator :
-“There you go. The most important thing is here. On the ground floor are simply the administrative offices and mine and access to the storage shed and the docks. Nothing too exciting. Do you have any questions?”
-“Is it drug money that pays for your Omega research?”
-“In part, yes.”
Eren was shocked, he was happy to know that someone was trying to find treatments for Omegas, but he wasn't sure he liked that the money for this research came from drug trafficking... Hanji put her hand on his shoulder:
-“Try not to think too much about it. The two areas are completely separate and nothing moves from one group to the other in terms of materials and biological resources.”
The young man ends up gently nodding his head:
-“All right.”
-“May I have a sample of you?”
Eren didn't have time to respond that Levi was pushing Hanji away:
-“Levi!”
-“You're not touching him.”
The young man grabbed the Alpha's arm, pulled it to him, and flooded him with soothing pheromones:
-“Calm down”, he whispered.
Levi simply scolded Hanji as a warning:
-“How sweet you are...”
Omega's got the mob in check again:
-“What kind of samples do you need?”
Masterlist
© 2019 - Happy Umbrellla - All Rights Reserved for this text. No reposting and/or modifying of any form on any media is allowed. No translations allowed.
#mafia au#mafia au snk#omegaverse#omegaverse snk#attack on titan#levi ackerman#eren jaeger#levi x eren#ereri fanfic#ereri#snk au#omega eren#alpha levi
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My Amazing
Summary: You struggle to say goodbye to the man who raised you. ENDGAME SPOILERS!!
Parings: Father figure!Tony Stark x reader, father figure!Steve Rogers x reader
Notes: In this, the reader is an unknown alien who Tony found on the streets as a baby. She does not develop her powers until her body reaches a certain age so that’s why she doesn’t have powers in the flash backs. And to avoid any confusion, the last flashback is right after Civil War. Hopefully, you can enjoy. Endgame killed me. Also, Ugo is pronounced You-go.
Warnings: Endgame Spoilers (But it’s now allowed because the spoiler ban is lifted), major character death, angst, violence.
Tony collapsed after watching Thanos fade away. His body heavy and his mind a muck. The burn had disappeared and was now replaced with numbness, his body slowly going into shut down. He could hear Peter’s voice, but he couldn’t see him. Not properly. He struggled to breathe and tried to keep his eyes wide open. But the tiredness was fighting him back.
“Oh god.” Steve mumbled as he watched the kid cry as Tony glanced around. The burns had taken over half his face and all of the right side of his torso. His chest aches as he thought of you.
Pepper slowly pulled Peter away from Tony and a loud boom rumbled through the sky.
Everyone turned around to see you land on the ground, wisps of black energy fading around you and your eyes calming back to their usual colour, wide with worry and confusion.
“Who is it? What’s happened?” You spoke, rushed. Bucky and Sam hung their heads and Strange slowly stepped aside.
Steve standing with his back to you and Pepper kneeling in front of Tony, who was breathing heavily.
You gasped as you felt a pang in your chest. “No.” You whispered out, voice shaky.
You rushed forward, pushing passed everyone to get to Tony.
You kneeled in front of him next to Pepper. His eyes caught your face. They filled with tears and he took another painful breath.
Your vision blurred as your tears filled your eyes and you grasped his left hand.
“Tony...” You whimpered out. “It’s gonna be okay.” You smiled at him softly as you looked into his eyes. Eyes that had grown so familiar to you as you grew up.
“June!” You heard Tony’s voice call after you. You giggle and ran as fast as your young legs could carry you. At the age of 3, but your body telling everyone you were 8, you tore your way through the tower hallways, holding Tony’s helmet tightly in your arms.
You were too busy focusing on running away from Tony that you paid little attention to the fact someone could be coming around the corner. You turned and collided straight into Steve Rogers’ legs.
“Woah, hey there.” Steve flinched as he felt you bash into his knee and fall back on your butt.
“Owie.” You mumbled and looked up at him, your eyes filling with tears very fast.
Steve’s face filled with panic. “Oh no, no, no. Hey it’s okay.” He quickly moved to lift you into his arms. You huffed in a breath as you tried not to cry, but your butt was sore and you were startled at the fact that you ran into this colossal man.
You sat on his hip and rubbed your eyes, balancing the Iron Man helmet on Steve’s shoulder.
Tony came jogging into view and scrunched up his face.
“What did you do to her?”
Steve looked at him, offended.
“She ran into me. I didn’t mean to make her cry.”
“Well, you did.” Tony scolded as he gently pulled you from Steve’s arms and grabbed his helmet.
“Wasn’t she much smaller last week?” Steve frowned, confused at your growth rate.
“Yeah. It must’ve been her birthday yesterday because when I woke up in the morning she’d aged five years.” Tony shrugged and lifted his helmet. “I told you you couldn’t play with this, that’s why I bought you that big play house.”
“Sorry.” You pouted at him. Tears filling your eyes again.
Tony sighed and smiled. “It’s okay, honey. I know you like the daddy’s toys. Let’s find you one that’s not active, huh? How does that sound?” Tony asked you and you beamed at him, nodding eagerly.
“You still can’t find out her birthday?” Steve asks Tony as they turn to walk towards the garage in Tony’s Malibu home.
“Nope. Not when she grows, like five years every other day.” Tony let you down and you rushed through the sliding doors and straight towards his suits. J.A.R.V.I.S and the other machines rushing to turn off any possible weapons before you got your hands on them.
“I want to hold off on blood tests as long as I can.” Tony said as they stood in the doorway and watched you.
“Why’s that?” Steve frowned.
Tony looked at Steve with concerned eyes. “She tripped over outside yesterday and scraped her knee.” Tony paused for a second, thinking about how your eyes welled up with tears again as you held your knee. “She healed almost straight away. But her blood is green.”
Steve’s eyebrows shoot up. “Green?”
Tony nodded and looked back at you as you reached up to grab at Dum-E. You cackled as the machine lifted you off your feet slightly.
“So I’m guessing whatever left her in that alley wasn’t human.” Tony sighed.
Steve also sighed as he remember Tony walking into a team meeting with a new born baby in his arms and a distressed expression. He’d heard you crying from his car and picked you up from amongst many trash bags.
They could not find any parent or record of you being born and Natasha and Pepper had taken to you so fast that they suggested the best way to protect you was to have you with them. Now, they are finding out that you were from another world, it complicated things a bit.
“Anyways, are you able to babysit tomorrow? I’m having a date night.” Tony asked him.
You were now showing the body of a 15 year old girl, though now only at the ripe age of 5. Your body was changing and you were becoming hormonal. Tony was also starting to worry for your life. He didn’t know how long it would take until you would become immobile.
You were currently sitting on sitting at your laptop, browsing through whatever you could find when Tony knocked on your door.
“Hey, hey.” He chirped before entering your room. He had a basket with a blanket over it tucked under his arm.
You turned in your chair to look at him. “What’s up?”
Tony shrugged. “Nothing. Just wanted to see what you’re doin’. Maybe annoy you a bit.”
You raised an eyebrow at him and eyed the blanket. “What’s in the basket?”
“Oh this?” He gestured to it as if he didn’t realise he was carrying it. “Hmm, I don’t know. Something I just...” He placed the basket on your bed. “I picked up and thought of you.” He pulled the blanket off the reveal a tiny, white puppy.
You gasp and kneel down beside the bed. The puppy moved slowly and shook as it’s brown eyes looked up at you.
“You finally caved and got a puppy?” You softly brushed your hand across its small head.
“Found him last night. He was wondering around the forest area near the facility. He was cold and alone so I brought him in.” He said.
You glanced up at him with happy eyes.
“You have been asking me for a puppy for two years now. And after the whole Ultron thing.” He paused and sat on your bed. “I thought a new addition wouldn’t be so bad after all.” He smiled down at you.
“Are you going to enrol me in school next?” You gave him a wide grin.
“Yeah sure. I’ll send a teenager to kindergarten. That’ll happen.” Tony rolled his eyes and jumped off you head, heading towards your door.
You chuckled and looked back at the puppy.
“He’s gonna need a name.” Tony pointed to the puppy and looked at you.
You put a finger to your chin and acted to think. “Hm, maybe Ultron? Ulysses? I like the ‘U’ names.” Tony scoffed at you.
“Now you’re just been cheeky.” Tony huffed and smiled at you.
You had definitely grown to adapt his humour.
“Ugo.” You said.
Tony raised his eyebrows. “I just gave you a puppy and now you’re telling me to go? Rude.”
You giggled. “No, silly. His name, Ugo.” You got up and crushed him in a hug. “Thank you, Tony.”
Tony smiled down at you and rubbed your back. “No problem, kiddo.”
You stood in front of the mirror, trying to squeeze yourself into a shirt you had only bought last week. You had gone to bed a C cup. Now it’s like your breasts have doubled in size and all of your clothing was not going to cover it.
“Natasha!” You screamed. “Natasha!”
You sighed. “F.R.I.D.A.Y, can you please tell Nat that I need her.”
“They are on their way, Ms Stark.” The A.I. responded.
You scrunched your face in confusion. “They?”
Just as you asked, your door burst open. You yelped, startled. There stood Tony, Steve and Natasha. Tony slapped his hand to his eyes fast and Steve turned away quickly. You, basically bare chested, screamed at them, covering your chest before diving behind your bed.
“What are you doing?!” You scolded the men.
“You were screaming!” Tony said from the doorway, eyes still covered.
“I said Natasha!” You popped your head up from your bed and glared at them. “Get out!” You flung a pillow at the door and Nat quickly closed it, locking you both in your room. Tony sighed from his spot and Steve looked at him, red in the face.
“That was not something I expected to come so soon.” Steve said.
“This means I’m going to have to have the talk with her.” Tony said. Steve shot his head up and frowned. “Well she’s obviously grown some more, she’s becoming a woman very fast so the boys will be at her feet.”
“If she doesn’t punch them first I’m pretty sure you’ll do it for her.” Steve huffed and crossed his arms.
The door opened again and the men prepared to cover their eyes again before Natasha stepped out.
“We are gonna need to go shopping.”
Ugo growled at the closed door. You shifted on your feet with spatula held firmly in your grip. Thumps and clanks approached the door and Ugo arched his back ready to attack.
The door was shoved open and Ugo barked at the intruder. Tony stumble through the door, battered and bruised.
“Oh my god, Tony.” You dropped the spatula and stroked your dogs head easing him, before rushing to Tony.
He breathed heavily, his arc reactor was broken and dull. His eye sporting a new shiner and a few cuts over his cheek.
“I thought you were going to help him?” You said, helping him pull off his suit.
“That fucker killed my parents.” He let out, half whisper, half sob.
“Steve?!” Your eyes widened in shock and confusion.
“No, his murderer friend.” Tony’s brown eyes teared up even more and his face contorted into one of pain. Emotional pain.
You pulled him to your chest and hugged him tight. His shoulders shook as he finally let out all the pent up emotions he had built up over the years since their death. And you stayed with him, because he had once done it for you when you found out the meat on your burger was cow.
Ugo whimpered near you and laid down in front of Tony.
“It’s over.” Tony rasped our. “The Avengers are done. I can’t continue with this.”
“It’s okay. I’m with you.” You grabbed his hand. “Always.”
He smiled sadly and leaned forward to kiss your forehead.
Pepper placed her hand on his chest, over his reactor. “It’s okay. We’re gonna be okay.” She smiled at him warmly. “You can rest now.”
Tony’s eyes flickered between you two.
“I’ll always be with you, dad.” You uttered out.
You watch as his face twitched as you called him dad. You take a shaky breath before you kiss him on the cheek.
You felt him slack against you and Pepper.
As you watched the life leave his eyes you felt your heart leave your chest. It fell to your stomach as you watch the man who raised you die in front of you, for everyone around you.
You don’t feel Pepper pull you from him until she had you standing. A sob escaped your throat and you felt his presence leave you. Pepper turned you pulled you into her arms. You cried. A loud cry left you and racked over everyone standing and watching the scene. The sound of your cry making it real. Your sorrow was spreading through everyone and they watched as Pepper tried to console you.
Your body shook violently in her arms. Steve walked up behind Pepper and put a hand on her shoulder, offering to take you. She nodded quickly and softly passed you to his arms, where you visibly relaxed slightly. Your crying still continued but you did it silently and clutched his uniform, burying your head in his chest. The warrior in you now gone, with the life of your father.
Part 2
#avengers#tony stark#ironman#endgame spoilers#marvel#tony stark x reader#captain america#steve rogers x reader#marvel cinematic universe#angst#black widow#bucky barnes#hawkeye#hulk#death#thanos#avengers endgame#father figure tony stark#mcu#pepper potts x reader#game of thrones#character death#endgame has made me emotional so i made this#thank you
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First Day of School (College AU)
Summary: you just moved to college and making friends isn’t as hard as you were expecting.
pairing: Bucky x reader
word count: 2066
warnings: light smut (18+ readers only please)
a/n: my submission for @sovietghoststories congrats again on the 3k! As always I love reading your thoughts and feedback
“Y/N?"
You turned at the sound of your name being called. A girl with long red hair stood in the doorway to your dorm room smiling at you. She held out her hand and took a step closer.
"I’m Wanda, your new roommate. Do you need help unpacking? I got here yesterday so I’m already good to go.” She looked around your room at the four boxes that sat on your bed.
You shook her hand giving her a smile in return. “It’s nice to meet you. Uh, that’s ok I was planning on doing it later. I wanted to find out exactly where your classes were before it got too dark.” You paused when her face fell in disappointment. “Do you know where the campus bar is? You wanna meet there in a bit and hang out?"
Wanda smiled and nodded and you made plans to meet up with her later for a drink. She seemed nice and you had a feeling the two of you were going to be friends. You grabbed your purse from the desk in your room and dug through it to find your headphones and class schedule. You dodged people running in and out of the little apartments as they all talked and laughed excitedly with their friends.
The warm autumn air washed over you as soon as you walked outside and you breathed in the sweet smell of decaying leaves. The sun was bright but hung low in the sky and was almost at the tree line as you set out over the residence grounds towards the cluster of buildings. You got halfway over the field when you could hear shouting over your music but assumed it was more people shouting to their friends so you didn’t pay too much attention to it. Until something hit you in the back of the head.
You pulled out your headphones rubbing your head and looked around to see what had hit you. Lying on the ground at your feet was a purple frisbee.
"Sorry about that!” Someone called to you. “We tried to get your attention but I guess you didn’t hear us.”
You looked up to see a guy jogging towards you. His hair was tied back into a small bun and he was thin but still muscular. “That’s alright, I should’ve been paying more attention.” You bent down to pick up the frisbee and waited for him to reach you so you could give it back, not wanting to embarrass yourself by failing to throw it properly. When he got close enough you handed the frisbee over and he immediately tuned to throw it back to his friends, but instead of jogging back to join them, he turned to face you again and looked you up and down.
“I haven’t seen you here before, did you just get here?"
You could only stare at him. He was at least 6 feet tall and his blue eyes held yours for longer than was necessary. You nodded, "uh- yeah. Today.”
It looked like he was about to say something until his friends interrupted him. “Hey Bucky! You playin’ or what?” He only laughed and shook his head and you looked over his shoulder to see two other guys. One of them said something and the other clutched his chest with his head thrown back in laughter.
“I’m sure I’ll see you around.” He gave you a small wave before turning to jog back over to his friends.
A small smile crept over your face as you put your headphones back in and continued your walk to the school. It didn’t take long for you to find where your classes were so you decided to take a lap of the school before going to the campus bar cleverly called The Last Class. When you stepped back outside the sun had set now and a chill was in the air. You crossed your arms tightly across your chest as you hurried to the bar since the light cardigan wasn’t enough to keep out the cold.
You found Wanda sitting at the bar talking to the bartender and she smiled when she saw you. You ordered a cider and leaned your back against the counter as you watched people talk and laugh and drink. Your thoughts went back to earlier when you met Bucky and your breath hitched at the memory of his eyes on you.
“Hey, do you know of a guy named Bucky?” You asked suddenly taking a swig of your drink.
Wanda shook her head, “is he cute?"
You laughed, "that’s an understatement.” A blush crept up your face and you struggled to hide your smile at the memory of how he looked at you.
“Ooh if I didn’t know any better I’d think you might have a crush!” Wanda giggled. “Not even here a full day and you’re already crushing on someone.”
“I never said I have a crush!” You said dramatically. “All I said was that he’s kinda hot.” You shrugged. You weren’t really planning on getting involved with anyone while you were here, but you’d be lying if you said you didn't want to see him again.
You turned back to watch the crowd and your stomach flipped when a familiar face entered the bar. “Shit,” you muttered to yourself and turned around to face away from the door.
Wanda’s smile disappeared at your reaction and she looked around the bar expecting some sign of trouble. “What is it?”
“It’s him, it’s Bucky…by the door.” You shift nervously from foot to foot as you drink more of you cider.
She turns her head and smiles. “Hair in a bun? With the body of a god?” She asks and you can only nod, still drinking from your glass. “He looks like the kind of guy you hate until he’s inside you. Then you can’t get enough,” she never takes her eyes off of him. “And he’s coming this way.”
You choked on your drink at her words and shot her a panicked look but couldn’t do much else when his voice reached you.
“I knew we’d be seeing each other again!” Bucky came to stand on your other side grinning at you. “I wasn’t really expect it to be so soon though, not that I’m complaining."
You give a nervous laugh. "It’s a pretty small campus so that seems inevitable.” You winced at your words and went back to drinking, but he laughed.
“Yeah. I’m Bucky by the way.” He held out his hand and you shook it.
“Y/N. And this is Wanda my roommate.” Wanda smiled at him and shook his hand too.
You spent most of the time at the bar talking to Bucky, even though you promised Wanda you’d hang out with her. But when you look around for her you find her a few feet away talking to a guy who calls himself “The Vision”. You think his actual name is Jarvis but you’re not entirely sure.
Bucky bought you another cider and by the time you finish it you’re feeling good. You felt more comfortable talking to him and the two of you had moved to a small table in the corner when the bar got too crowded for you to hear each other. You’re half way through your third drink when Bucky leans forward on the table and fixes you with a piercing stare. His blue eyes framed but strands of brown hair that has fallen from the bun still tied at the back of his head.
“So I’m just gonna put it out there: I like you.”
Your brain stutters to a halt at his words and you can only stare back at him.
“You’re really cool and I think you’re pretty. You wanna get outta here?”
You keep staring at him for another few seconds. There is nothing you would like more than to leave with Bucky at this very moment but you don’t want to leave Wanda at the bar even if it does look like she’s having fun on her own, so you jump to my feet and back away from him. “Give me a sec,” you weave your way through the crowd of people and find Wanda still talking to Vision.
“Can I talk to you for a sec?” you gently pulled her by the elbow to get her attention and apologized for interrupting.
“What’s up?” she asked taking a sip of her cocktail.
You glance back at Bucky who’s still sitting at the table waiting for you. “So I know I said that this would be a night for us to hang out and get to know each other, but Bucky asked if I wanted to leave with him. I can tell him no if you want me to so that we can hang out.”
Wanda looked over her shoulder at Bucky then glanced back to see Vision doing something on his phone. She smiled at him and turned her smile on you. “Y/N we’re roommates, we’ll have all year to get to know each other and become friends go have fun.” She grabbed both your shoulders and turned you around pushing you back towards Bucky. “And tell how it goes tomorrow!” she calls after you. You smiled to yourself and made your way back to the table.
“So what did you have in mind?” you asked as soon as you reached him. Bucky smiled at you and jumped up taking you by the hand.
He leads you out of the bar back towards the residents buildings. “You wanna go to yours or mine?” he asked wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close.
“I still need to get my room put together so yours is probably the best option.”
You get into the elevator and as soon as the doors close Bucky has you pressed up against the wall, his warm lips are on yours in seconds and you lose yourself in the kiss. Your world spins when he pulls you body against his and runs his hand through your hair. When the elevator dings and the doors open you reluctantly break the kiss he pulls you further down the hall to his dorm room.
You reach his door but he hesitates before unlocking it. “We’ll need to be quiet, my roommate, Sam, went to bed early, but he’s a pretty heavy sleeper so it shouldn’t be a problem.” He then unlocks the door and steps aside for you to enter. As soon as you enter you see that his dorm is exactly the same as yours. You step into the small kitchen, which only consists of a fridge, microwave, sink, and hot plate, and three doors lead off to the bathroom, Bucky’s room and his roommate’s room.
Bucky pulls you along to his door and opens that one for you as well. You briefly examine the room and find that he too has has brought very little to the school with him. A laptop and binders sit on the desk in the corner and a single grey poster with a large red star in the middle hangs on the wall above the bed. You don’t know what the poster is supposed to be of and at the moment you really don’t care because Bucky’s hands are on you again and this time they’re making their way under your shirt.
He quickly pulls it up and over your head and drops it to the floor as he’s walking you backwards towards his bed. You fall backwards onto the mattress and pull him down with you so that he’s lying beside you trailing kisses along your jaw. The rest of your clothes and his soon join your shirt on the floor and you gasp as his hands and lips explore your bare skin.
You pull at his hair and he grips your hips with both hands. Soon there’s the crinkle of a condom wrapper and he’s buried deep inside you, moving against you with a power and rhythm you had only read about in books. Before long the pleasure of your orgasms wash over both of you and you lie there in silence, side by side sweaty and panting. Only one thought crosses you mind as you sleepily smile at Bucky. Wanda was right. And you don’t think you could ever get enough.
#sovietghoststories3k#Bucky x reader#college au#wanda maximoff#sam wilson#Steve Rogers#James Buchanan Barnes#Bucky Barnes fanfic
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Unexpected
Orc x OC Multipart Fic - Part 1
Coming to university was a different experience than I thought, overall it was great. I had been going to my local college for some time until I got enough scholarship money to attend wherever I wanted. My friend Aria, had managed to convince me to come to her.
"Yes! I knew you'd come, I already told you about my roommate, bitch." She mumbled the last part.
"Yes, I remember, so you're living in the co-ed dorms right?" I asked her.
"No, considering I'm not a freshman anymore, I'm finally able to rent out one of the houses they have on campus. I asked the two dudes that were my bunkies to move in with me. It's like 5 bedrooms in the house so we all can have our own room."
She informed me on a lot of stuff as she helped me take my things in my room. I guess because they were orcs, everything was bigger, which I was glad about. She told me about how the two males orcs in the other rooms are really nice, and sometimes she hangs out with them. The great thing about this university is that no classes take place on Saturday or Sunday. Looking at my class schedule, most of my classes are in the morning, I'm not complaining about that.
"Oh Sky come here, this is one of the dudes I was telling you about. Skylar this is Orlov, O this is Skylar." She introduced us.
We shook hands, and they got to talking about class.
"What are you majoring in Skylar?" Orlov asked me.
"Umm, Biochemistry." I said.
"Oh, that's what Nick is studying, you two may get along." He said.
"Where is Nick?" Aria asked.
"At study hall, although I don't get why he goes there when no one else studies with him, he just sits there." He said.
I let them talk and I headed back to my room and pulled out my laptop, checking to see if I had any surveys to complete. That's one of the ways I try to get a little extra money. It was already a little late in the day. Aria came to my room and told me that they ordered some pizza. I ate then went back to my room, not really socializing that night.
I went to sleep, but I heard Orlov playing the game all that night. I was used to hearing that type of noise, so I went to sleep fairly okay.
When I woke up the next morning, no one else was up yet. I bought some groceries yesterday while me and Aria was bringing my stuff to the university. So I found everything I need and started to make breakfast for everyone.
Considering the fact that Aria and I have been friends for a pretty long time, I know how much orcs eat. I turned the oven on and made the bacon and sausage. I already had the coffee pot on, I was glad It was one with two pots. I made coffee on one side and tea on the other. Once I started to hear movement coming down the stairs I started on the eggs.
"Oh man, breakfast is being made." I heard a gruff voice, it was Orlov.
"Yeah, morning. How do you like your eggs?" I asked him.
"However is fine, same as Nick. He should be down soon. Aria is still sleep." He yawned and sat at the island.
I continued to cook and I heard someone else come down, Aria this time.
"I'm surprised you're up." I looked over my shoulder.
"And miss your breakfast, I think NOT." She stood beside me.
"Where's Nick?" She asked.
"He's upstairs, I thought he was going to be down before you." Orlov said.
They continued talking and I made the plates, we took them to the living room when Nick finally came downstairs.
"Hey man, what took you so long? Your plate is in the microwave, come on hurry up." Orlov said.
He didn't really seem to be that focused on what he was saying but he came into the living room with his plate.
"Nick this is my friend I was telling you about, Skylar." Aria said.
"Nikolai, but everyone calls me Nick. You got here yesterday, yes?" He asked me.
"Yup." I said.
The TV was on, but you couldn't hear it over Nick and Orlov talking. That's when Aria turned to me, and started talking.
"So, because I knew you were coming back, I got us some studio time for about an hour and a half." She told me.
"That's great, but I feel a 'but' coming." I said.
"Yeah, it's at 8 tonight." She said.
"Oh, that's fine, my first class isn't until 9." I told her.
"Oh god, you have that early bird schedule too, you and Nick are TERRIBLE." She said.
"Hey, Nick!" Aria called out.
"What's up?" He said.
"You mind taking Skylar to class with you, I'm pretty sure you guys have the same schedule." Aria rolled her eyes playfully.
"You're a biochem major?" He asked me.
"Yup." I said.
"Let me look at your schedule later." He told me.
"Sure thing." Then me and Aria get back to talking about dance.
I'm not sure how long we were in the living room talking, but Nick was the first to leave, talking about how he had to go meet up with his girlfriend. I got everyone plates and Orlov helped me clean them up. I heard Orlov say something about playing the game some more.
"Hey, you mind if I join you?" I asked him.
"What, to play?" He asked.
"Yeah." He looked at me in disbelief.
"Okay." He said.
I walked to his room, and it wasn't as messy as I'd thought it would be, he had a little sitting area to sit down.
"I planned on playing Fortnite a bit, but I'll put on Black Ops for your sake." He said.
We played multiplayer for a bit, then he switched it over to Blackout.
"You're pretty good at this." He looked over at me.
"I used to play all the time, I'm a little rusty." I say.
"I typically play with Nick, but I think I may need another controller." He said.
"Or I could by my own TV and console, that way we can just play like that, without having to compromise too much screen space." I said.
"Yeah, Nick has his own, but it depends on what we're playing, we just play in the same room." He said.
"Yeah, I get that." I say.
We played a few more games until I left the room and made me something to eat. I just made a sandwich, and drank the last bit of my tea from this morning.
Aria came in with some shopping bags, and I already knew what it was.
"Bitch, no you didn't." I looked at her laughing.
"If I get any time with you in the studio, AND if we get to record, bitch we gonna look good. Plus I picked you up your regular class attire in the school spirit." She said.
I followed her up to her room and she dumped all the clothes out on her bed.
Most of it was strappy tops and bottoms, our typical stuff we wear in videos. She showed me the sweatshirts and joggers she got me with the school mascot on them. Purple and gold, with the tiger mascot. She gave me every variation of color and style of sweatshirts and sweaters that were in the school shop.
"You do too much, but thank you." I gave her a hug.
I took the stuff back to my room and put it in the dresser.
It was nearing the time for our studio time, so I took a very quick shower and but on some jean shorts, fishnets, a black strappy sports bra and a white cropped hoodie. I finished the look with my black heels that looked like combat boots. I had my hair in box braids, so I just put them into a high ponytail with a struggle. Last minute, I put on my shade of dark red liquid lipstick and left to go to Aria's room.
"Let's go bitch." I said.
"YES BITCH! Snatching all the wigs tonight." She said.
She had on some white short shorts, and a red halter crop top with matching heels. I had my bag packed with a frozen bottle of water and two different sized towels, as well as some baby wipes.
We headed out and we walked to the studio and we checked in and got to the studio. She had her camera with her, and she lived streamed us dancing. She often posted videos on her YouTube, which is her main source of income outside of her parents. We just went over all the old dances we knew, and decided that the next time we come to the studio we'll create something new.
When you only have an hour and a half for studio time, it goes by really quick. By the time we were finished, we were sweating, but not drenched in sweat.
"It feels good being back in the studio." I tell her as we walked back to the house.
"Yes, it always feels good, especially dancing with you." She said.
"What do you want to eat when we get in?" I asked her.
"If you're cooking, it doesn’t matter." She said.
We walked to the house, to hear two orcs upstairs yelling, playing the game.
"I'm going to ask them if they ate yet." I told her.
I went upstairs, and followed the curses and grunting.
"Hey guys, do burgers and fries sound good?" I asked them.
They both turned their heads quickly towards me, but only Orlov replied.
"Yeah, thanks." He said.
I laughed at them and went to my room, taking a shower and cleaning my face. I put on some leggings and a tank top.
I went to the kitchen and started cooking. It didn't take too long to cook, so I made everyone plate. I figured Orlov and Nick weren't going to come down, so I took them their plates.
"Oh man, you're an angel." Orlov said as he took a bite.
"Haha, no problem." I said as I closed the door.
I went to Aria's room to watch some YouTube before I crashed for the night.
//Masterlist//
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something wrong in the village
Chapter 4/5: numbers Beta: @candanandphilnot Rating: T Warnings: Read on ao3
Summary: Fiona Lester has a secret. Dan Howell thinks they hate each other. Dan meets an online friend and comes to realize something important about himself while juggling a changing relationship with his parents, friends, and Fiona.
~~~ previous chapter ~~~ next chapter ~~~
The first thing Dan did upon waking up the next morning, after slapping the alarm on his phone, was to crawl out of bed and blearily stagger his way to his desk. He felt a bit like death warmed over. He’d stayed up late last night - or early in the morning, depending on how he looked at it - even though he knew it was a bad idea. That one message to Phil had sparked an entire conversation, though. The deepest one they had had so far. Dan felt like his most repressed emotions had been scooped out of him and laid bare before an empathetic almost-stranger sort-of-best-friend.
Upon sprawling sleepily in his desk chair, Dan typed in his computer password and brought up the chat on the cheesy ‘FRIENDS’ website. He could see the last few messages exchanged between him and Phil, but scrolled up further to glance over some of the others. 2 a.m. sleep-drunk messages were terrifying to look back on, but these didn’t seem so horrible.
it’s not like a solid thing, read one of Phil’s messages, and below it, Dan’s reply.
yeah but i’ve only ever felt like that toward guys and like one or two girls. idk. is there even a label for that?
You don’t have to have a label unless it feels right. i mean I say i’m gay because i want to but you don’t have to
idk, Dan had simply replied, and even now, in the sun-glare of early morning, he still didn’t know. He scrolled back to the bottom of the chat, to the most recent messages.
i’m so tired i should probably sleep lol, Dan had typed.
Yeah it’s a school night! rip to us. There had been a long wait between that and his next message, where Dan had just stared at the laptop screen and been unable to think of anything original to say, but then Phil had added going to sleep now i guess lol. gn!
night, Dan had somehow managed to type without any spelling mistakes induced by his tired fingers, and then he had staggered to bed.
There was a new message waiting from Phil, time-stamped only a few minutes earlier. He’d probably just gotten up for school too.
hey i just thought it’d be cool to text if you want? so we can message when we’re not just home :) you don’t have to if you don’t want! but if you do, my number is 01184 80222.
Dan rubbed his eyes, trying to smear out the sleep, before reading it again. cool, he replied. He read it one more time. “Oh,” he said out loud.
He reacted instinctively, crossing the room to find his phone again and unlocking it. It took him less than a minute to save the number under a new contact that he called “phil the fellow nerd.” He looked between his phone and the open webpage on his computer, and then he closed out the browser on his laptop. It would be easier this way, now.
He tapped on the message icon by Phil’s new contact and hesitated before slowly typing out a message. hey it’s me, internet stalker dan :)
With that, Dan shoved his phone deep into his pocket, tugged on his shoes, and headed out. He made it halfway outside before he realized he was still wearing his pyjamas. Today was going to be just...great.
~~~
“Hey, dude! What’s up!” To emphasize the greeting, Sam offered Dan a hearty punch.
“Ow,” said Dan mildly. He rubbed his shoulder and took another bite of his sandwich. “It’s...not up.”
Sam laughed and threw himself into the seat next to Dan, digging into his own lacklustre cafeteria meal. “Ready for that test today?”
Dan and Sam did not have any classes together. Dan also had no test today.
“Sure,” Dan agreed.
The clatter of the lunchroom was almost a dull roar today. It still felt heavy, oppressive noise pressing into Dan’s ears and against the mild headache that he was once again nursing. He probably should have grabbed a painkiller from his bathroom this morning, but he’d been a little rushed after his attempt at heading to school in his nightclothes. Now that would have been a nightmare.
Another guy seated himself across from Dan, briefly glancing up and giving Dan a cursory nod. Dan chewed a bite of his sandwich and returned the nod.
“So, had a cool ride here this morning,” said Sam around an open mouthful of something that looked like mashed potatoes or glue. It looked more like the latter. “My board’s got a loose wheel though, gotta get that fixed.”
Dan took a loud slurp from his water bottle. “Yep,” he said.
“Talked to Johnathan too,” continued Sam, undeterred by Dan’s clear disinterest. “He went out with that girl Sam or whatever her name was and they hooked up in the…”
Dan set down his sandwich, tuned out Sam, and pulled his phone from his pocket. A new message from “phil the fellow nerd” was waiting for him, and a subconscious smile pulled at his lips as he clicked on it. This was his first message from Phil.
hi, internet stalker dan. This is pretty convenient, totally not messaging in class right now
Dan huffed a laugh and wiped his fingers on his trousers to remove any extra sandwich crumbs before replying. don’t message in class you nutter, you’ll get caught and then who will i talk to?
my teacher :D replied Phil instantly. i’m sure you’ll get along great.
ew.
“Ooh,” said Sam. He leaned toward Dan, eyes bright as he tried to sneak a glimpse of Dan’s phone. Nonplussed, Dan tilted the phone away from him, waiting for a response. “Who’re you texting, Danny boy? Finally got a bird to talk to you?”
“Yeah, it’s your mum,” Dan retorted. The boy across from him slapped the table and laughed.
Sam snorted. “Sure, mate, have your secrets.” He chomped into another bite of the glue-like substance that coated his spoon.
dw class is almost over anyway, about to head to my next class, popped up a new message from Phil, and as if on cue, the bell on the wall of the lunchroom shrilled loudly with its obnoxious warning to head to class.
Dan climbed to his feet, shrugging his backpack over his shoulder. He collected his trash with one hand, typing out a reply to Phil with the other. omw to class right now. english, gross.
Somehow, this felt easier than anything Dan had ever done before. Messaging Phil wasn’t something that he dreaded, unlike literally any time Sam the self-proclaimed surfer tried to strike up a “bro” conversation. Even that nod with the guy sitting across from him had wearied Dan. These brief messages from Phil seemed to somehow have the opposite effect. Reading them felt more like a breath of fresh air or a sip of cold, soothing water than the draining outcome of most conversations. Maybe it was that they were just words on a screen, but Dan didn’t think so. Dan thought he might feel the same if Phil was standing in front of him right now.
He dumped his trash in the bin by the doors and headed to class, fingers rapid on his screen as he walked. Sam went with him, but Dan ignored the stream of chatter that was directed toward him. He navigated around other students with ease, making his way to the door of his class within a few minutes of leaving the lunchroom.
i have english now too lol, read the last message from Phil. gtg now though, talk to you l8er
the fact that you actually just typed ‘l8er’ disgusts me, Dan informed Phil. No reply came, but Dan had a feeling that Phil had seen the message anyway. good luck in class, Dan added, then slipped his phone into his pocket.
“ - so I gave her my least favourite banana,” Sam was saying, and he laughed uproariously at his own uninteresting story he had just been relating to Dan.
Dan was about ninety-five percent sure that he had heard this story before. He hadn’t listened those times, either. He stepped out of the way of a passing student and gazed through the open door to his English classroom. A few people were still milling inside, so Dan resolved to wait until they left. He had no interest in starting a class before he actually had to join.
“Yeah, so guess I’ll see you later!” said Sam. He socked Dan in the shoulder again, which Dan did nothing but wince against. He had probably developed actual muscles from the daily punches.
“See you,” he said, more apathetically than he had even planned to be.
“Cool, I’ll - oh damn,” breathed Sam, and Dan’s attention was snagged. He hadn’t heard that tone since last month when Johnathan’s wealthy grandfather had bought him a cherry red sports car for his sixteenth birthday and Johnathan had driven it up in front of school to show it off to the groups of girls that hung outside after school. He had gotten a flat tyre the next day and hadn’t driven it to school since, but the appreciation from his friends had been enormously gratifying so he gave quite a few of them rides to and from his oversized house and the ice cream parlour down the road. Dan had not been one of those friends.
“Dude,” said Sam, still in that same voice. He punched Dan in the shoulder again, but it was half-hearted as he stared down the hallway. “Look.”
Dan was already following his gaze. He felt his own jaw fall slack as he took in the sight moving down the hallway toward him.
It was Fiona. She was different, though. She moved with rare ease through the sparse crowd in the hallway. Her shoulders were square, confidence evident in her posture as she strode toward Dan and their shared classroom. This clear self-assurance wasn’t the only change, though. There was an obvious change from only yesterday, where her disdainful stare had bored through Dan in the bathroom encounter. Her long, flowing dark locks were shorn. Instead of the usual cascading hair toppling past her shoulders, she had shaved the sides of her head and the top was styled only a few inches short, ruffled into a playful quiff.
Something burned hot in Dan’s chest. He swallowed harshly, unable to tear his gaze from the new hairstyle. It suited her almost unfairly, the short sides of the cut highlighting her sharp cheekbones and sloped jawline. Her eyebrows were still that pale brown hue, arched evenly over her cool blue eyes. Said eyebrows narrowed harshly as her gaze snagged on Dan. Her lip curled as she drew closer, but she didn’t speak a word to him.
“Hey,” said Sam, unaware or uncaring of the crystal contempt obvious in her expression. “Cool cut, my dude. You look hot!” He nudged Dan, elbow digging harshly into Dan’s ribs. Dan didn’t notice, still staring unblinkingly at Fiona. “Doesn’t she look hot?”
“Hot,” Dan repeated without really thinking about it. Fiona didn’t seem to hear him, as she cast Sam a slightly less contemptuous look.
“Thanks,” she said.
Sam beamed. “Sure!” he said. “So you’re a lesbian now?”
Sam was a fucking dumbass.
Fiona’s gaze slid back to Dan, scalding him with obvious scorn as if he was the one who had asked the question. “No,” she said, gaze boring into him, “I definitely like guys,” and with that, she swept past both of them and into the classroom, ignoring the other students still inside. Dan dreaded having to follow her inside.
“She’s totally gay,” Sam confidently informed Dan.
Dan punched Sam in the shoulder.
~~~
Dan was drawing a random person. He was definitely drawing someone random. The quick strokes of his pencil over the sketching pad were casual and brief, etching out nothing more than the portrait of a sharp-cheekboned, slope-jawed, dark-haired, narrow-eyed person - “Fuck,” said Dan aloud, his pencil pausing over the paper.
“I’m sorry?” asked his teacher.
Dan blinked and glanced up. Ah, yes. He was in English class. His teacher stared him down, the marker in her hand hovering above the board. “Um,” he said. “I just...remembered an assignment I need to work on.” He offered a tight-lipped smile, which was returned with obvious gritted teeth by his teacher. For as much as she cared about him talking in class, she never paid attention to what he was constantly drawing.
“Like I was saying,” she said, turning back to the board, “we’re going to be going over these lines of poetry and…”
Sighing, but quietly, Dan frowned down at his sketchbook. He flipped to a new piece of paper and lowered the pencil to it, but hesitated to start. He could hear a scoff from Fiona in the seat behind him, and yet no kick was offered to his seat. She hadn’t started anything since their suspension, but she’d at least slipped him some cutting insults when the teacher’s back was turned. Now, he got nothing but huffs.
Dan tried again, this time an ambiguous sketch of a teenager sprawled across a bench. He grew the outlines of long, lanky limbs, a very male torso and lower appendages, and slender calves and feet. Once he got to the face, his pencil moved without his permission, detailing the long nose, sharp eyes, and arched eyebrows of - Fiona.
Motherfucker.
Dan was tempted to rip out the page, but that would draw too much attention, so he just angrily folded over the page to a fresh paper and dropped his pencil on his desk.
Bzzz. His phone vibrated briefly with a notification, warm against his leg where he’d tucked it when he sat down. Dan tried to ignore it, but it buzzed again a moment later. And then again. At least it wasn’t loud enough for anyone to hear, not even Fiona, who had keen ears and was right behind him.
Well. He couldn’t draw anything, if Fiona’s face was going to invade everything he worked on, so he might as well. He watched the teacher, but her back was still turned as he slipped careful fingers beneath his thigh to slip his phone out. He placed it atop his sketchbook and half-closed the book over it. It was extremely unsubtle, but at least his teacher wouldn’t immediately be able to tell what he was doing. He still kept an eye on her as he swiped at his phone, though.
Three messages from Phil were waiting for him.
Bored
booored
dan entertain me
Dan had to physically force himself not to laugh as he painstakingly typed out a reply. what, i’m in class. i can’t just leave to talk to you
Only a few seconds passed before a reply popped up. Lame. don’t you know that’s your sole purpose for existence, to talk to me?
This was terrifying, Dan decided, but it was fantastic. He and Phil had talked so much before and after school, whenever Dan could get his hands on his computer, but now they could actually talk in class.
besides, I’m in class too, came in another message from Phil. living life on the edge, that’s me
if you get caught i’m going to laugh at you
I am the sneak master I would never get caught, Phil replied confidently.
“Excuse me!” barked their teacher from the front of the room. “Are you on your phone in class?”
Dan carefully did not react, letting his fingers slip away from his phone and slowly lifting his eyes to stare at her with a level gaze. He could still see the glare of the phone out of the corner of his eye, lighting up the pale pages of his sketchbook that were drooping over it.
But she wasn’t looking at him. She crossed the length of the room in a quick dozen strides, pausing next to Dan’s desk to stare behind him. “Miss Fiona,” she said sternly. “You know the rules.”
“Sorry,” said Fiona, in the most insincere tone Dan had ever heard in his life. The teacher apparently accepted it though, as she just nodded.
“Put it away. If I see it again, I’ll confiscate it until the rest of class.” With that, she turned and made her way back to the board.
Dan finally breathed. He couldn’t dare keep texting Phil now, since his teacher would be on high alert for the rest of class. He spared a quick glance at his phone, though, but didn’t see anything from Phil. Maybe the other boy had finally realized the danger of texting in class. Dan snuck the phone from his sketchbook to its original place beneath his thigh.
Although he waited for it, no other messages buzzed the phone against his leg for the rest of class.
~~~
Dan’s morning had been rushed, obviously, but there were four items he had not let himself forget. They were currently crammed into the bottom of his backpack. He’d left his English textbook - it hadn’t even been needed this class, anyway - at home so they could fit. They rattled together, quietly but still noticeable, as he slowly climbed to his feet.
He’d been sitting on this toilet for the past thirty minutes after his last class. Dozens of other students had come in and out of the bathroom since then, but the rush had slowed to a trickle and now it was finally empty as everyone left school for the day.
Dan’s ass was fully numb at this point, so he kicked his legs out in ways that probably would have looked hilarious if anyone had seen him as he ducked out of the stall and made his way across the room. He locked the door and reached high above one of the sinks to crack open the tiny window that led outside, and then he took a moment to take a breath and glance around the room. It still smelled heavily of piss and the five stalls, three sinks, and two urinals were still varying shades of ugly grey, matching the walls.
His phone chirped in his pocket. He’d taken it off vibrate once he left class, and had spent most of his time hiding in the stall earlier by texting Phil. Just the usual, mundane, hilarious, witty messages that left Dan feeling like a weight had been dragged from his chest. But that was beside the point.
Just got home, said Phil’s most recent text when Dan dug his phone from his pocket and glanced at it. time for homework :(
ha, good luck, Dan replied. He put the phone back and then shook out his arms, brushing his thumbs over his fingers anxiously. He was going to do this.
Hoisting his backpack into one of the sinks, he unzipped it and rifled briefly to the bottom before he found what he was looking for. It was a cold metal can, decorated with bright smears of colour and a solid grey lid. It rattled when he shook it. He placed it on the floor next to the wall that was violent with marker sketches, then dug a few more similar cans from his backpack. Each one had a differently coloured lid, one with pink, one blue, and the last one white.
Dan took a step back and glanced over the wall. The cans before it were full of potential, something fierce and proud inside of them ready to be released. The wall was ugly now, black scars of marker marrings its dull grey paint, the occasional splash of colour where someone had discovered a coloured marker in their bag. And there was that tiny trans flag, its bright colours muted by the slurs and graphic art scrawled around it.
If Dan was caught once he picked up one of those cans, he wouldn’t be suspended. He’d be expelled. The danger of it felt valuable. Adrenaline already sang through his veins, although he had yet to start.
Hauling in another deep breath, he let his chest expand and relax with the strength of it, and then he reached down and snagged the grey can of paint.
He began.
~~~ previous chapter ~~~ next chapter ~~~
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They can hear you
Picture: mustang by SAM JI on Dribbble
Don't let the title fool you.
————————————————–
As soon as he was sixteen, old enough to start working, he found a job. It didn’t matter what the job was, it only mattered that the pay was good. As a high school student, he worked after school which was good because he hated being home. If you can call it home. He lived with his father in a crappy neighbourhood and in a shitty apartment.
Since his mother died his father started using drugs, that was eight years ago.
His father worked as a night security guard at a warehouse and spent his whole paycheck on the rent for the apartment, bills and drugs. Until he started working after school they rarely had any real food. He grew up on junk food and anything he could steal from grocery stores. Now that he had a job, he started buying food but set aside most of his money so that he could leave when he finished high school. He needed enough money to leave and make a fresh start, to make a new life for himself. This apartment, to him, was just a place to eat, shower and sleep, nothing more.
He hated his father, he hated that the drugs were more important to him than his own son. ‘ Two more years, I’ll have enough money, I’ll finish high school, I’ll be eighteen and I’ll be rid of this place finally. ’ The thoughts went through his mind as he grabbed an old camera. It was one of the old cameras that used film tape to take pictures. He opened the back side of the camera, the part for the film tape, and put money in it. It was the place where he hid the money that he put aside from his father so his father wouldn’t use it to buy drugs. This was the last place his father would look because he didn’t even know he had it.
Graduation day came and he walked into the apartment he lived in his whole life up till now, for the last time. He packed his clothes and his belongings, taking the money he put aside, looked at his room, for the last time, and walked out, for the last time. A week ago he made arrangements. He rented a small apartment on the other side of the city, as far away from this place as he could, and found a new job close to his new apartment.
The apartment he rented was small but it was enough for him. It had a room that served as a living room and a bedroom, a TV, a kitchen and a bathroom. He liked his new job and the pay cowered his living expenses like rent and food. There was even money to put aside for rainy days or to buy something he liked like a computer or a laptop, if he saved money for a few months.
He worked hard and he worked overtime every chance he got. After a year he saved enough money and bought a new phone and a laptop. The Internet was included in the rent so he spent his free time watching action movies. Action movies were his favorite. He never had a chance to go to the cinema or watch the new action movies on the internet because his father spent all of his money on drugs. They didn’t even have internet in that shitty apartment.
People he worked with were nice to him, he even made some friends. One night they asked him to go out with them after work, just to hang out and have a few drinks. They took him to a pub, ordered beer and food. After a long time he was having fun. After his third beer, he got up to go to the bathroom. As he was moving through the crowded pub a girl bumped into him spilling half of her glass of beer on him.
“I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” She said over and over again.
“It’s ok. No worries. It was my fault.” He said trying to calm her down.
She looked at him. ‘ She is so beautiful! ’ The thought ran through his head as he just stared back at her.
“I’m sorry. Let me help you clean up.” She said putting her half empty glass on the bar.
He just stood there with his shirt and his pants drenched with beer, still staring at her with his mouth slightly open, overwhelmed by her beauty. The bartender gave her a rag, she walked over to him, grabbed his hand and started to lead him to the bathrooms. He followed her still staring at her, speechless.
They reached the area where the bathrooms were. There were fewer people there and it was quieter. She started to clean the beer off of his hands and tried to soak up the beer from his shirt. “I’m really sorry for spilling beer on you.” She looked up at his face with an apologetic look on her face. “There was this big guy that pushed me and I lost my balance. It was an accident.”
“I…” Speechless he just stared at her beautiful blue eyes ‘ She is so beautiful. I have to say something or she’ll think I’m some kind of a weirdo ’. He quickly said “Don’t worry, it was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention. I’m sorry you spilled your beer. Can I buy you a new one?”
A small smile appeared on her face. “No.” She said. His heart sank. “It was my fault. I’ll buy you a beer as an apology for spilling beer on you and ruining your clothes. If you will let me.”
This time a small smile appeared on his face.
They walked over to the bar, returned the rag to the bartender, ordered beer and started talking. The name of the beautiful girl that left him speechless was Emma. They talked for the rest of the night, they stayed even after his colleagues from work left, and had fun. The pub was closing but he didn’t want this night to end. He didn’t want to stop talking to Emma, he felt that if she left now he will never see her again.
Emma took her phone, looked at him and said “Gimme your phone number.”
“I…It’s…” She took him by surprise ‘ Why is she asking me for my phone number? She is so out of my league. ’ He thought but gave her his phone number. Emma called the number and his phone started ringing.
“Now you have my number. Call me anytime you want to hang out, just don’t spill beer on me.” She said laughing. They finished drinking their beers, said goodbye and parted ways. Walking home all he could think about was Emma, she was the most beautiful woman he ever saw and she gave him her phone number. He felt so happy.
Next few days he thought about Emma all the time, trying to decide if he should call her or not. ‘ What if I call her and she says no? What should I do then? ’ He never felt this way about a girl before and didn’t know what to do ‘ What if she says yes? ’ He was worried that he’ll only do something wrong if he calls her. ‘ I need to think this through. I don’t wanna drive her away .’
The next day his phone rang, it was Emma. He started panicking but answered the phone. “Hi Emma.”
“Hi! You doing something tonight?” Emma asked.
“I was gonna watch a movie at home. Nothing special.” He answered ‘ You idiot! I should have said I was doing nothing! ’
“A movie? Can I watch it with you?”
‘ She wants to watch it with me, at my place? ’ She caught him off guard “Yeah, sure. I’ll text you my address.” He was starting to get nervous, it started to show in his voice.
“Is it ok if I come around eight?”
“Yeah, no problem. I’ll see you then.” He tried so hard to hide the nervousness in his voice. As soon as he was done with his job he hurried to the grocery store, bought juice, beer, wine, food, all kinds of snacks and ran home. He wasn’t a tidy person, his apartment was a mess, but he had two hours to clean up before Emma came.
It was eight o’clock and Emma wasn’t here. ‘She probably won’t come. She is probably messing with me. No. She’s probably just late, maybe I didn’t give her the right address. Maybe she can’t find my apartment. ’ His thoughts were a mess. He started to panic. The doorbell rang. ‘ Ohhh…She’s here! ’ As he opened the door he saw Emma, he stopped panicking, smiled and invited her in.
In the morning he was laying on the bed, next to Emma, recalling last night’s events over and over in his head. It was the best night of his life so far. He couldn’t believe he would ever be so happy. Who could have thought? Yesterday morning he was happy that he was going to watch a new action movie and that now he is happy that Emma is sleeping next to him, wearing one of his T-shirts, her arm resting on his chest.
That first night they spent together started a relationship between them that lasted for years. They fell in love and at one point started living together. Emma taught him how to drive, because his father never did, he passed the driving test and got his driving license. His love of action movies was now equal to his love of cars. Emma always teased him and joked around that he would rather sleep in a car than in a bed and that he would rather watch action movies than see her naked. He loved that about her, she knew how to make him laugh, so beautiful and funny, he still thought he didn’t deserve her.
One day he was driving, two dozen roses and a small box with a ring inside it on the passenger seat beside him, hurrying to get home before Emma. They were together for four years now, he loved her and he knew she loved him, it was the right time. He wanted to get everything ready at home so that, when Emma opens the door, he catches her off guard and asks her to marry him. He didn’t want to do this in public, he didn’t like it when people did that. For him, this was an intimate thing that he wanted to share only with the person he loved, with Emma.
His mind, occupied wit planning the proposal, didn’t see that a van drive through a red light as he was driving through the intersection. The van crashed into the front part of his car, into the driver’s side of the car.
Thoughts in his head were a bit blurry. He was in a car, driving really fast. There was a car chasing him. ‘ Where am I? What’s going on? Why is that car chasing me? ’ He didn’t understand he got into this situation. He looked around the car. It wasn’t his car, it was his favorite Mustang, he always talked about how he’s gonna buy it one day, but it was so expensive he could only dream about owning it. The car chasing him was also a sports car like the ones from the action movies he watched. ‘ Are they chasing me because my father owns money to a drug dealer and they found out he had a son? Do they want money for his drugs from me? ’ Whoever was in the car that was chasing him started shooting at him. ‘ These guys mean business! ’ He thought and started driving faster trying to lose them. The chase continued.
Emma was sitting in a chair beside a hospital bed in which he was lying in a coma. She was leaning against the bed, holding his right hand, a ring on her finger, recounting the action movie she saw yesterday to him. She was telling him about this epic chase scene where the good guy was driving a Mustang, his favorite model he always wanted, and how he was trying to lose the car that was chasing him, hoping that he will hear her. Hoping that hearing a loved one’s voice, her voice, talking about the two things he loved the most, action movies and cars, would be enough to make him hear her and make him wake up.
For two weeks Emma sat beside him holding his hand, recounting the scenes from his favorite movies and telling him about his favorite cars. One evening she fell asleep leaning on his bed, holding his hand when something woke her up.
Emma felt him squeeze her hand. She looked up at his face and saw him looking back ad her.
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Thanks for reading :)
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