#i just feel super bad because my trousers also came apart in a way that couldn't be fixed and i bought a new pair

[ginkovskij]

another bad day let's go!!

i don't mind discomfort* but my shoes came apart at the seams so i had to buy a new pair and they are the same type as my old ones (that i dismissed after eight years of service because they had genuine holes in the leather) but they really don't flatter my always bad look and they weren't cheap but i needed them but it was a big expense i wasn't expecting to have right now but it was kinda necessary but now i am running down a semi-suicidal spiral

[jungshookz]

the need for speed(dating); pjm

➺ pairing; park jimin x reader

➺ genre; sfw!! fluff!! y/n’s a goofball!! jimin’s into that!! featuring sommelier!hobi but before he finds his y/n,.. and also bartender!tae!! 

➺ wordcount; 5.7k

➺ summary; hoseok tricks y/n into attending a speed-dating event and (unsurprisingly) it doesn’t go down so well... then things gets a little better, thanks to the handsome stranger sitting at the bar. 

➺ what to expect; “please tell me you didn’t lure me here with the prospect of spaghetti and meatballs just to get me to take part in a speed-dating event for sad, single people.”

                                        »»————-　♡　————-««

“oh my god, what’s the rush?!” you stumble over your feet as hoseok continues to drag you along with him, “seriously, you need to slow down because i’m going to twist an ankle if you make me walk any faster-”

“we’re late for our reservation because you couldn’t decide on what top to wear-” hoseok scoffs and picks up his pace, your eyes widening for a split second when you actually almost fall flat on your face

“hey, i just wanted to wear something nice because you said that the place we were going to was a nice place- if you didn’t raise the standards, then i wouldn’t have raised the standards either!”

“less talking, more walking!”

you’re really not sure what possessed hoseok to want to go to a fancy restaurant tonight

pizza hut’s doing this triple treat box thing for the holidays and you suggested getting that because you get three main courses in one big box

what’s not to like?!

you weren’t even aware that hoseok had made reservations until earlier today 

he just sprung it on you that you guys were eating at a restaurant and not at the apartment tonight anD he told you to dress up nicely because of some dress-code 

“is this the part where you tell me you’ve actually been in love with me this entire time?” you joke as the two of you approach the restaurant, your eyes immediately picking up the romantic lighting coming from inside, “need i remind you, our ‘let’s get married if we don’t find anyone’ deal expires when we turn thirty, and i’m definitely not-”

“i’m not confessing my undying love for you tonight, y/n-” hoseok rolls his eyes playfully, the two of you joining the queue, “i just wanted to eat something that wasn’t fast food for once, you know?”

“you’re telling me the pizza hut triple treat box didn’t sound one bit tempting?”

hoseok pauses 

“…we’ll do that next week.”

heh

“plus, uh, you said that you wanted spaghetti and meatballs or something, right? i looked up where to find the city’s best spaghetti and meatballs, and this place came up as one of the results!” hoseok chirps, though you’re barely paying attention to him because you’ve just taken notice of one of the signs sitting by the entrance

“hey, look at that-” you point to the wooden sign before snorting to yourself, “there’s a speed-dating event taking place here tonight. i can’t wait to watch sad, single people get nervous and twitchy while talking to other sad, single people. do you think if we asked nicely, they could move us to a table where we can eavesdrop on everyone’s conversations??”

“yeah, our table is… a lot closer to the event than you think.” hoseok mutters off to the side before shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers

“what’s that supposed to mean?” you turn to look at him, your brows knitting together in suspicion when he avoids your gaze and starts whistling a happy little tune to himself

…

…

oh my god

“hoseok,” you clear your throat quietly, hoseok’s eyes widening in alert when he notices you take a tiny step away from him, “please tell me you didn’t lure me here with the prospect of spaghetti and meatballs just to get me to take part in a speed-dating event for sad, single people.”

“well, i…” hoseok swallows, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat

he flashes you a sheepish smile to confirm your answer

NO

“do they- do they even have spaghetti and meatballs on the menu??” you gawk, taking several steps back so you can look up at the name of the restaurant

le petit paris

oh god

this whole thing was a set-up

everything is a lie!  

this place is french

“this place is FRENCH!” you gasp, bringing a hand up to your chest in shock at this outright betrayal, “you tricked me, you slimy-” you spin around on your heels to walk back to the car, “i’m going home! no, first i’m going to get the triple treat- actually, i can’t finish that all on my own so- i’m going home, and i’m going to order that fancy ham and cheese sandwich from that one deli-”

“the fancy ham and- that’s a croque monsieur, y/n, that’s french!” hoseok snaps, “will you get back here?? you can’t go home because i’m the one who drove us here-”

“i don’t care!” you exclaim, standing at the edge of the sidewalk before looking to see if there are any taxis nearby that you can wave down, “i’m going home!”

“oh, c’mon-” hoseok gives the rest of the strangers in line an apologetic smile before rushing over to grab you before you can make an escape, “will you relax and please just-”

“hoseok, i am not doing this- are you kidding me?? you know how i feel about dating-” 

“i know, i know!” hoseok waves his arms, “but- just- you haven’t been out on any dates since you and seokjin broke up a year and a half ago...”

you immediately clam up at the mention of seokjin and you feel your entire face flush

it’s true

you haven’t made any efforts to go out and meet new people since you split with seokjin (sure, it was a mutual breakup, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less when he came to pick up his box of belongings at your apartment)

“and every time i tried to set you up on a blind date, you said that you weren’t ready for that yet- which, by the way, is obviously totally understandable, but-”

“but what?! there shouldn’t be a but!” you cross your arms, “all i have to say is that i’m not ready, and that should be enough of a reason to not trick me like this-”

“you use the breakup as an excuse to get out of everything, y/n!” hoseok exasperates, “remember when i asked you if you wanted to come to one of my wine-tasting courses? do you remember what you said to me?”

(“oh, you know… i would love to watch you do you thing at your… super fancy wine and cheese tasting thing, but i… i’m still grieving over the breakup! i’m, like, still devastated. super devastated. i’m in a very sensitive state, so i don’t think it’d be a good idea for me to leave my apartment, like, at all-”)

“…touché.” you mutter, reaching up to scratch the back of your neck

for the record, you felt really bad about not going to support hoseok at his fancy sommelier thing as soon as you hung up but you made up for it by going to his next one!

“plus, you look really pretty tonight and it would be a complete and utter shame to let that go to waste!” hoseok gestures to your outfit, “your ass looks great in these jeans, your legs look great in these heels, your boobs look fantastic-”

“okay, i think i get the point-”

“and you know i love hanging out with you, but… sometimes i wanna go out on dates too, you know?” he sighs, his shoulders drooping a little, “like, we can’t spend every weekend together-”

“i know that!” you frown, “you can just tell me that you have a date and can’t hang out, don’t make it sound like i’m forcing you to spend time with me-”

“i know, but i would feel bad about leaving you at home while i’m out with a potential romantic partner-”

“okay, you know what?” you raise both your hands before shaking your head, “fine. i will… i will do this one thing for you. i’m just glad we’re doing it together! because it would be awful if i went in there alone-” 

the smile drops from your face when hoseok has the audacity to press his lips together and look away from you again

“oh my- are you serious?? you’re not even doing this?? a second ago you were talking about finding your potential romantic partner!” 

“sure, but i wanna find them organically!” hoseok shrugs before scrunching his nose, “plus, i think speed dating is tacky.”

“wha-” you gawk, immediately spinning back around, “well, in that case, the only way you’re getting me in that restaurant is if you drag my cold, dead body-”

                                           »»————-　♡　————-««

“okay, if you need me, i’ll be sitting, like, right over there where you can still see me so it’ll sort of feel like we’re in this together-“ hoseok smooths the name sticker onto your shirt before giving it a pat, “but i saw a warm goat cheese puff pastry thing on the menu and i’m going to be helping myself to a big ol’ serving of that-”

“i hate you.” you interrupt, staring at hoseok blankly

“oh, you don’t mean that…” he coos, reaching up to fix a couple strands of your hair, “you’ll see! you’re going to have so much fu-”

“i hate you. and the burgundy button-up that you’re wearing looks awful on you.”

hey!

you said this was your favourite shirt on him!!!

“okay, well-” hoseok looks down at his (beautiful) top before frowning, “now you’re just trying to hurt me-”

“please don’t make me do this.” you whisper, hoseok looking up to see your eyes beginning to water, “i really don’t think i can do this.”

oh boy 

hoseok stays silent for a second as he watches your eyes beginning to well up with moRe tears 

“hey- i know it’s scary, y/n. i know.” hoseok shushes, immediately pulling a handkerchief out from his pocket to dab away your tears, “i know that it’s intimidating to... you know, throw yourself back out there after not having done this for so long, but… you have to at least try, you know?” he pulls away and gives your shoulders a reassuring squeeze, “look- if you really, really don’t wanna do this, we can just enjoy a nice meal together at this super nice restaurant that we definitely can’t afford… but do you think you can at least give it a try? please?”

“i…” you trail off, turning to look over your shoulder at the group of other sad, single people

okay

well

you suppose it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try

it’s been a year and a half!!

and if you’re going to start somewherE, you might as well start at an event that’s dedicated to helping you find love

“fine.” you sniffle, looking down and adjusting the sleeves of your blouse, “but i saw truffle fries on the menu and you’re buying two orders of that for takeout-“

“deal!” hoseok chirps, spinning you around before gently nudging you towards the group of strangers, “remember to smile! and to not talk about seokjin! ooh, and to not make any weird jokes that could scare a potential suitor away!”

“go away, you’re being embarrassing-” you hiss quietly, stepping down to enter the… pit?

you’re not sure what to call this part of the restaurant

it’s the area where hosts usually ask customers to wait while they set up a table for them 

whatever this place is called, you’re just glad that there’s a bar here because you’re definitely going to need a boost of liquid courage

the lighting is nice and dim which is great because you’re pretty sure your eyeliner is already starting to smudge from almost bursting into tears a second ago

you stand awkwardly by the stairs as you take in the scene before you

…

you haven’t even been here ten seconds and you already want to leave

what makes things worse is the fact that this isn’t one of those regular speed dating ones where you’re set up with a person and then after the timer goes off you move to the next table

no

this is one of those free, go-with-the-flow speed dating events where you just go up to anyone you want and spark up a conversation and hopefully find someone who can match your energy

and since you came late, it seems as though everyone’s already found someone else to talk to

great!

you’re the only sad, single person in this room of sad, single, but paired-up people

you look back out to the main area of the restaurant to see hoseok chatting it up with one of the waitresses

she giggles as she shakes her head, writing something down on her notepad

it seems like he’s having a good time out there

…you hope he chokes on his goat cheese pastries.

okay

what you need to do is just go for it, you know?

like, don’t even think about anything

just go up to anyone and say hello, and then you’ll wing it from that point

you wipe your clammy hands down on the back of your jeans as you make your way towards the centre of the room, looking around for anyone… who isn’t… talking to anyone… else…

ah!

you reach up to pinch your own cheeks in an attempt to loosen up your face muscles before forcing a bright smile on your face

you can do this

easy peasy!

saying hello isn’t hard

“hilo!” you greet, tapping the guy on the shoulder to get his attention

oh

never mind

turns out saying hello brings some of its own challenges

“i mean- hi.” you clear your throat, already feeling heat trickling up your chest, “sorry. i didn’t know if i wanted to say hi or if i wanted to say hello, and i guess my brain kinda just jumbled the two together-”

“hello,” he cuts you off before offering you a stiff smile, “that’s alright. i was actually in the middle of a conversation, if you don’t mind-” he points to over his shoulder at the girl standing in front of him and your eyes widen in surprise

whoopsies

“oh, gosh! i- um, i’m so sorry!” you take a small step back before raising both your hands up, “i’m sorry, i didn’t see her over your broad shoulders, so- o-oh, that wasn’t- that wasn’t me hitting on you or anything, by the way, that was just, like- your broad shoulders were just a general observation-“ you chuckle, shooting him two finger guns, “okay, yeah. you guys can go ahead and… do your thang…” you press your lips together tightly when he turns back around, focusing his attention back on his date

alright

no problem!

it’s fine

“not embarrassing at all…” you murmur lowly as you step backwards, jolting when you accidentally bump into someone

!

you whip around quickly to apologize but you don’t get a chance to because suddenly there’s a champagne flute and a dirty plate being shoved into your hands

“wha-”

“a refill would be awesome,” the brunette smiles at you, “moët and chandon, please.”

“oh, i’m not a-”

“oh, of course!” she gasps, reaching into her purse and pulling out a dollar bill, “here you go…” she narrows her eyes as she looks at your name tag, “y/n! lovely service. you’re doing a great job, girlfriend. it’s hard workers like you who make up the backbone of our society.”

“thank… you?” you stand frozen in shock when she tucks the folded bill into the shoulder of your blouse

this blouse was $200 and apparently it makes you look like a server so that’s definitely money well-spent

but also, who in their right mind would think a restaurant server would be wearing a square-necked, puffy sleeved blouse as part of their uniform?!

and why would a waiter have the exact same name sticker as everyone else participating in this speed-dating event??

“excuse me… pardon me…” you mutter as you elbow your way through the crowd, holding the dish and the glass up a little higher so you don’t get any crumbs or anything on anyone’s clothes

“oh, could you take this for me, please?”

“and this, too!”

“no, i-” you stop in your tracks when a plate is stacked on top of the one you’re already holding and you fight back the urge to let out a speechless laugh, “okay, sure, i’ll even drive you people home at the end of the night-”

to be fair, when you’re holding a dish and a glass like that, it does kind of make you look like a waiter so you can’t really blame everyone for thinking that you’re here to serve them

by the time you make your way to the bar, you’re balancing five little plates in one hand and you have four champagne flute stems held upside down and pinched in between your fingers

you let out a huff as you set everything down in the sink behind the bar, being careful not to drop and break anything

you dust your hands off, looking out towards the restaurant to see hoseok happily picking at a charcuterie board while swirling a glass of wine in his other hand

that sick, twisted bastard

…and your blouse now has a splotch of creamy white sauce on it, which is just fantastic, isn’t it?

not only do you look like a waiter, now you look like a perverted waiter!

“oh, come on…” you groan quietly, grabbing a napkin and wetting it with your tongue before reaching down to rub at it, “i just had this dry-cleaned a couple of days ago…”

so far this has been a living nightmare

but at least you got a dollar out of it!

...she could’ve given you a more generous tip, but it is what it is. 

“i feel like scrubbing it just makes it worse, no?” you hear a voice a couple feet away from you and you look up while continuing to rub at the stain

“that’s true, but i feel like dabbing it gently really doesn’t-“ you choke over your own words when your brain finally catches up to your eyes

handsome

handsome handsome handsome handsome handsome

holy handsome

the stranger tilts his head slightly, the corners of his pretty mouth pulling up into a lopsided smile, “really doesn’t…?”

“does- doesn’t, um…” you look down at the stain on your blouse as you feel your brain working overtime to spit out an answer, “doesn’t… do the thing.”

“do the thing. hm. that’s a fair point.” he hums, bringing his glass up to his mouth for a sip

you feel your heart skip a beat when you take in his pretty side profile... from the smooth, straight slope of his nose... to his pink, pillowy lips

oh, wow 

maybe there’s still some hope that this event won’t turn out to be too bad 

you stand up a little straighter when it hits you that this is your chance

this is your chance to stop being a waiter and start being a fellow speed-dater!!

“what are you drinking?” you ask, sitting down on the stool next to him before folding your arms up on the counter, “i could use a drink.”

“a gimlet.”

“a- a giblet? like… from chicken?” you frown, looking at the contents of his glass, “you’re drinking chicken giblets??”

he chokes on his sip and sets his glass down quickly before reaching up to wipe at his mouth with a napkin, turning to look at you with a smile, “no, silly. not giblet. gimlet. it’s gin, simple syrup, and lime juice.”

yeah

that makes more sense

“oh-” you snort, bringing a hand up to cover your mouth a little, “sorry. i heard giblet. but a gimlet sounds really good.”

“can i get one for you?” he asks, already raising his hand to get the bartender’s attention

“that would be nice, yes.” quickly letting out a breath when he turns to talk to the bartender

so far, so good!

you didn’t weird him out with your gimlet-giblet thing, which is a good sign

you cross one leg over the other, pausing for a second before switching legs

you hate sitting on bar stools because you can never find a comfortable position on them…

at the end of the night you’re always left with one butt cheek on the stool and one hanging oFF the stool

you settle on crossing your right leg over your left, nodding to yourself before folding your hands over your lap

this is a natural looking position, right??

you just don’t want to look like a dumbass in front of the very attractive giblet man

“everything okay?”

you look up to see that he’s turned back to face you, one arm propped up on the counter with his jaw resting against his fist

“oh! yeah.” you wave him off, “sorry… i just haven’t done this in a long time, that’s all.”

“what? sitting on a bar stool?” he jokes, the sound of his giggle immediately giving you a spurt of newfound energy, “are you enjoying yourself so far?”

“me?” you purse your lips in thought before scrunching your nose, “eh. i don’t think so. everyone thought i was one of the waiters, so i haven’t been able to really spark up any conversations because i’ve been busy collecting dirty plates and empty glasses- which reminds me, i’m pretty sure there are like, three people waiting for me to bring them champagne…“ you trail off, turning to look over your shoulder to see if there are any angry customers glaring you down

“yeah, i saw…” the stranger chuckles, “for the record, you’re actually pretty good at balancing plates! i probably would’ve dropped them all.”

“the only thing that kept me from dropping them all was the reminder that i’d probably have to pay for the damage done.”

“very, very true! and the bill would’ve been sky-high because this place is pretty fancy.”

“i know!!” you gasp, “and you can tell it’s fancy because you can pay someone else to park your car for you. like- valets are just- you know. fancy.”

“fancy.” he mimics, his knee bumping against yours as he shifts in his stool, “so, do you go to speed-dating events often?”

“oh, no.” you pause to thank the bartender as he sets down your drink on a coaster, “this is actually the first time i’ve ever been to one of these things. i didn’t even wanna come here in the first place, but my friend forced me to because he thinks i should get back into the game or whatever considering i broke up with my boyfriend, like, a year and a half ago-”

don’t make any weird jokes! don’t talk about seokjin!

hoseok’s words from earlier tonight suddenly echo in your head and you feel your cheeks grow pink

your giblet joke was pretty weird

and you just mentioned your ex-boyfriend

two for two!

you quickly take a sip of your drink before you blurt anything else out

ooh!

this is actually pretty nice 

“the, uh, the gimlet is good!” you hum, “i like the lime.”

“mhm, it’s my favourite drink.” he smiles, reaching over to gently clink his glass against yours before taking his own sip, “so your friend forced you to come and you’re not having a good time? that’s pretty rough.”

“yeah, well...” you sigh, “speed-dating is just the worst, you know? like… okay, if the hosts had set this up, like, where you get five minutes to talk to someone and then when the timer goes off, you move to the next table-”

“oh, yeah-”

“yeah, exactly- if it was like that, it probably would’ve been better, because that way no one gets left out!” you scoff, “but this freestyle just-talk-to-whoever-you-want-to type speed-dating is frankly ineffective and totally stupid, in my opinion. whoever organised this thing probably had one too many gimlets while they were planning it out…” you giggle, shaking your head, “also, i feel like organising a speed-dating event during the holidays is a little sad, you know? like… well, it’s not as bad as hosting one on valentine’s day or something, but doing it during christmas seems a little awkward, and, like… taking advantage and leeching onto sad, single people.”

“i see where you’re coming from- you know, i was at a valentine’s day one earlier this year and i’m pretty sure most of the people there were just looking to bone each other and not to make a real connection.”

“well, when you say it like that, it seems like speed-dating events are just a gateway drug into full-blown orgies-”

you bite back a grin when he chokes on his drink again before throwing his head back in laughter

wow!

this is going great!!!

you’re definitely going to have to thank hoseok if this thing with giblet man works out

of course, you should probably noT keep calling him giblet man if you want it to work out

his actual name is a crucial piece of information if you’re planning on asking him out on a proper date

“oh, by the way-” you clear your throat, “i never got your na-”

“hold on, before you say anything else, i just have to do something really quickly-” he holds his finger up to stop you before turning and getting up off the stool, your brows furrowing in confusion when he picks up the microphone sitting on the stool on the other side of him

huh

that’s a little weird

who brings a microphone to a speed-dating event?

bursting into song while everyone’s trying to have conversations with each other seems like a questionable thing to d-

“i hope everyone’s having a good time so far!” he announces, the music lowering a little bit as he continues to speak, “i just wanted to chime in and remind everyone to write down the names of whoever you’re interested in seeing again- there should be notepads and pens sitting on each of the tables…”

…

…

…

oh

oh no

oh dear GOD

you spin back around to face the bar, immediately slapping a hand over your mouth to suppress a scream of mortification when you realise that you just talked trash about the host of this event while talking to the host of the event

no wonder he didn’t have a name sticker!!! 

he didn’t even stop you! he just let you go on and on and on-

i need to get the hell out of here

you need to leave the crime scene immediately!!!!!

you down the rest of your drink before hopping off the stool, reaching up to rip your name sticker off and crumpling it up before tossing it to the side

of course 

of course this would happen to you!

out of all the people in the world, of course this would happen to you!

that’s it

you’re never going to do this again

in fact, you’re just never going to leave the apartment ever again

you’re just going to rot in your apartment and die alone, which sounds like a pretty good option to you

you should think about leaving the country while you’re at it 

you head straight for hoseok and you’re walking so quickly that your hair is practically whipping behind you

“hey! we’re leaving now-“ you hiss, grabbing hoseok’s arm and giving him a yank, “c’mon, up and at ‘em-”

“woah, woah-” hoseok smacks your hand away from him as he looks up at you incredulously, “what happened?? i just placed an order for your fries and they won’t be ready for a couple more minute-”

“screw the fries!” you duck down a little as you look towards the pit, “i just humiliated myself in front of a very attractive man and i would like to leave before i embarrass myself further-”

“well, what did you even do??” hoseok asks, scrambling to pull his credit card out of his wallet before raising an arm to flag a waiter down, “what happened??”

“oh my god, you don’t even wanna know-” you shake your head, “first, i went up to someone who was already talking to someone and i said hilo because i didn’t know if i wanted to say hi or hello and it came out as hilo- and, anyways, he basically ignored me so then i bumped into someone else and she thought i was one of the waiters which doesn’t even make any sense because i?? i’m not dressed like a waiter! i have a name sticker too!” you point to your chest before realising that you’d ripped it off a second ago, “well, i had one- okay, and then- and then this really cute guy started talking to me as i was wiping my shirt-”

“you stained your new blouse??” hoseok gawks, leaning back a little to inspect your shirt, “you just got it cleaned a couple of days ago!”

oh yeah

that’s a stain

...a very questionable looking stain-

“it was an accident-!” you groan quietly, “so, the cute guy- he started talking to me and we were having a really nice conversation- i slipped up a couple of times and made some weird jokes anD sort of brought up seokjin but-”

“oh my god, y/n-” hoseok mutters, pausing to take the chip reader from the waitress (in your panicked, rambley state, you don’t notice the way he winks at her and her girlish reaction to that)

“-somehow we started talking about speed-dating events and i just went into a rant about how tacky they are and how much i hate them a-and how much this one in particular sucked- and the next thing i know, he’s picking up a microphone and-”

“will you just get to the point?” hoseok gets up from his seat, pulling his jacket from the back of the chair

“i trash-talked the host in front of his own event!” you whine, feeling the urge to burst into tears for the second time tonight

“oh, jesus, okay-” hoseok laughs uncomfortably as the two of you hurry to get the hell out of here, “maybe you need to find someone organically too… and maybe we’ll avoid speed-dating for a while…”

“i told you we should’ve gone home!” you shiver as you step out into the cold, instinctively wrapping your arms tight around yourself

you decided not to bring a coat because you wanted to show off your pretty blouse but now you wish you’d brought one just to a) keep you warm AND b) hide your definitely-not-cum-stained waiter blouse

“this sucks! and i didn’t even get my truffle fries-!” you groan loudly, your voice dissipating into the air

“alright, shakespeare, take it down a notch-” hoseok reaches over to give you a pat on the back, “also, if you were willing to wait-”

“hey, hold on!” you stop in your tracks when you hear a familiar voice call out and you whip around to see the man you just embarrassed yourself in front of, “y/n!”

great!

and now he knows your name, too! 

“oh, god.” you turn back around, picking up your pace at the sight of hoseok’s car, “c’mon, let’s go-”

“you can’t just ignore him, he’s literally calling for you-!” hoseok grabs the back of your shoulders to stop you before turning you around, “i’m gonna wait in the car- and you better not mess up what looks to be a second chance-”

“hos-!” you don’t get a chance to turn and run after hoseok because the next thing you know-

“hey! you left your name sticker at the ball, cinderella.” mr. gimlet jogs up to you, unfurling his fist to reveal your sad, crumpled name-tag

“you came out just to bring me garbage?” you joke weakly, feeling completely drained from the events of tonight, “how romantic.”

“it’s, um, jimin, by the way.” he clears his throat, standing up straight, “that’s my name.”

“jimin.” you nod, testing the feel of his name coming out of your mouth 

jimin 

hm

you like it :-)

“i was going to tell you but when i turned around, you disappeared-” 

“well, yeah, because like-” you pause, “you’re not mad?”

“what?” he frowns, “why would i be mad?”

“because i… said all of that stuff?” you reach up to scratch the back of your head, “about… you know… stuff.”

“everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, y/n.” jimin smiles, offering you a boyish grin, “you’re a real goofball, you know that? you ran away because you thought i would be mad that you didn’t like the speed-dating event i was hosting?”

“yeah, i, uh… i full-on sprinted out of there…” you chuckle nervously, uncrumpling your name-sticker just so you have something to do with your hands, “ah, i’m sorry. i just- well, you know, i… haven’t really… done stuff like this in a while, so…”

“well,” jimin clears his throat, taking a step forward before plucking the sticker from your twitchy fingers, “you’re welcome to talk about how much you hate dates while we’re out on our date.”

“yeah, i- wait, o-our date?” you quickly look up at him before blinking owlishly, “are you- you want to take me out on a date?”

jimin smooths your sticker flat out on his palm before flipping it around to show you his number that he scribbled onto the back

he wants to take you out on a date?

...

jimin wants to take you out on a date!!!!!!!!

“of course i do!” he states as if it’s the most obvious thing in the entire world before handing the sticker back to you, “we can get wasted on giblets and you can help me plan out my next super-tacky speed-dating event.”

“oh, god-” you feel your face flush as you shake your head furiously, “i’m... so sorry...” 

“y/n, it’s fine-” jimin laughs, reaching over to hook a finger under your chin to get you to look up at him, “so... what do you say?” 

after everything that took place tonight you were sure you’d be leaving the restaurant with nothing but hoseok and two orders of truffle fries

but no!!!

here you are, being asked out by a very cute boy while his number sits right in the palm of your hand 

...this is what they’d call a christmas miracle, right?

christmas with cee 2020 masterlist

🎁what would you like from ceenta this year? 🎁

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Hi! I was raised in church in a very traumatic environment where the gender binary defined how I was expected to behave and perform in pretty much every context. This summer, after a lot of therapy, I finally came to terms with the damage that this has done. I think I am still processing a lot of it? I told a couple close family members who asked if I was “trying to prove something,” which really hurt. Once I explained, they were supportive…but it was kind of a brutal process that involved a lot of me crying and a lot of them being weirded out. I tried labels, but none of them seemed to fit exactly. All I can say is, I’m a woman, but I’m a human first and I enjoy more masculine-coded AND more feminine-coded performance esp. thru clothing. My therapist and my GNC friends assure me that this is fine and I do not need labels, but it’s hard because sometimes I show up to church in my Tintin haircut and my baggy trousers and button-up and men’s loafers, and other days I show up in a super cute dress, and I always sit alone and see all these nuclear families and… I don’t know. I guess I don’t know if this is just me? I don’t identify as non-binary, but I think I could say I’m an “androgynous woman”? I’m just confused. And lonely. Any thoughts would be helpful because growing up there was no space for how I feel except to be a horrible unnatural sinner and now, as an adult, I’m not condemned, but there’s just this sort of…silence…?

Aw dear, I really feel for you as you go through these feelings of loneliness and people's lack of understanding.

Since you're asking whether all of this is "just you," I can tell you — it's definitely not just you! I relate to a lot of what you're talking about; and I can think of friends of mine + people whose stories I've heard who would also relate.

My childhood experience with church & faith weren't as flat-out traumatic and stifling as yours, from the sound of it, but there were messages I absorbed there that do still impact me today; that have taken me years to pull apart so that I could build something new and more life-giving. Even if you're in a better place now, the pain of your childhood church is real.

Same with the pain of your family members' first response — even if they're more supportive now, that pain lasts. When I remember how some of my family and friends responded to me first coming out to them as nonbinary, my gut still twists and my spirit aches. 

In all of this, I'm really glad you've got a therapist with whom you can process that trauma! I will offer the hopeful note that as time passes and good experiences build up, more healing comes — the good doesn't erase the bad, but it does tilt the balance in favor of the good. Pain won't be the last word; there is so much joy to come as you find more support, more community.

For me, every time my parents refer to me with the correct pronouns without any trouble, a little piece of my heart slots back into place. When I visit my new home church and am greeted by people of all genders and sexualities who love me and my wife dearly, my experience of the word “church” moves from being more about isolation and fear to being more about connection and love. 

For you, maybe an example of a moment like this will be a family member casually complimenting one of your more masculine outfits; or glimpsing another gender nonconforming person in the pews.

I wonder, are there any ways you can cultivate moments of healing in your life? For instance, you might pray about exploring some LGBT-affirming churches, places where you won’t be surrounded solely by “nuclear” families but families and connections of all kinds, and other gender nonconforming people like you — not to replace your current church, necessarily, but to supplement it. You could attend one church one week, another the next, etc. (Here’s a post where I discuss how to find an affirming church.)

_______

Not to talk too much about myself lol, but I do want to share one specific experience I had a couple years back. I was back in my hometown, and decided to visit my home church, because there’s so much I loved about it once, and because it’s Catholic and I miss a lot about Catholic mass. 

When I was there, and settled somewhere in the back of the very crowded church, I looked around and couldn’t recognize any kin among the other churchgoers. Among those very gender conforming people, those families of one man, one woman, and some kids with boys in pants and girls in dresses, I felt Alone. I felt like i stuck out like a sore thumb, too; it was hard to convince myself that no, it’s not true that “everybody’s staring at you.” It was so hard to let go of the feeling that I was being judged — even though no one said a thing to me or even did more than glance my way.

And when the purpose of worship in church is to worship God in community, that sense of isolation is quite an obstacle!!

One thing that helped me get through that Mass (and other services like it over the years since I started dressing in “GNC” ways) was imagining that some of the people around me might be Like Me — but still closeted, either still unaware of their difference or else hyper-aware of it but not ready to live it out openly yet. 

Maybe the child pouting in the pew in front of me had to be wrestled into their pretty dress that morning, demanding to know why they couldn’t wear pants like their brother. Maybe they’ll see me and realize, oh! i’m not the only one! and when i’m older, i will be free to dress myself, to be myself!

Maybe a middle schooler, or even someone decades older than me, will see me and be — amazed — or encouraged — or emboldened — because here is someone living into non-conformity in a way they can’t, or aren’t ready to do!

Maybe a homophobic family member — a parent, a sibling, an aunt — of someone who has come out will see my genderqueer self approach the alter, hands folded with palms outward to receive the Body of Christ. Maybe they’ll see the priest place that host in my palm, not denying me because of how I look; maybe they’ll see me place it reverently on my tongue — and they’ll see that I do not drop dead, struck down by God for my impudence — and maybe...maybe...maybe their heart will open just a crack to the idea that one can be queer/LGBT/gnc and a person of faith, beloved by God.

When I can imagine myself as an agent of God’s good news as I sit there scared and alone among all those “normal” people, I feel courageous enough to stay, to worship, to receive God. ...I have no clue if imagining that will help you, or if that’s just me, but yeah. When i feel i stick out like a sore thumb in church, i try to transform my fear of that into part of how i might live out God’s love.

___

Another thing about my visit to my childhood church: when the feelings overwhelmed me; when I just couldn’t connect to the other people in the pews, so that I felt like i was worshipping all alone instead of jointly with them — i did eventually leave the pew, to go sit with my Mother Mary. 

The church has a statue of her, of Maria Della Strada, or Mary of the Wayside, in one corner, with votive candles you can light and a kneeler so you can pray before her. I sat on the kneeler in that quiet little corner and asked her to join me in worship, so that I was worshipping God in community even when I didn’t feel like part of the community of the other people physically there. 

I wrote a poem about that experience (and took a couple photos haha) that you can see here. 

___

Well. This got long, and I don’t even know if any of it will even help you at all! But if nothing else, know that you aren’t alone in what you’re feeling; that who you are and how you like to express yourself is not only valid but even holy — a beautiful example of the diversity in God’s image, of how Jesus calls us not to be “conformed to the world” and all its norms, “but transformed” (Romans 12:2). 

If anyone else has advice, or encouragement, or solidarity for anon, please do share! 

[indigobackfire]

26 and 30 for aspen and Diego!! -thimblerigshuffle

Thanks @thimblerigshuffle <3 <3

30) Who is embarrassed when they have to wear their glasses and who thinks they look super cute?

Aspen would definitely be embarrassed because she most certainly spent several years mocking Indigo and her glasses lovingly ofc. But then Diego would be all loving brushing her hair behind her ear, going "What's the shame in wanting to see the world clearer?" "Don't worry, we'll still be kissing eyes closed."

26) Who kissed first?

Aspen kissed Diego first. Given this opportunity, I'll try and write it 🙈 (damn is longer than I intended oops) (takes place in y6 during winter).

“Blimey, it’s dreich out here! Is this really a good idea?” Aspen asks.

Diego marches through the crisp cold air of the training grounds with confidence and excitement as if he was under the spring sun, not even his thick sweaters seemed to limit his movement. Aspen on the other hand kept her steps short on the sheet of snow and herself retracted under her two layers of sweatshirts and her chunkiest Slytherin scarf.

“Have I ever had a bad idea? Don’t answer.”

“Ya ken we can use the dueling club room.”

“It’s occupied.”

“Ugh! What about the Dragon Club?”

“They don’t appreciate my dueling very much over there since Indigo and I smashed the place. We apologized, fixed the mess up, but they’re not the most forgiving kind, unfortunately.” He turns around and holds a stance, signaling for her to stay in place, about three meters apart. “Besides, I want to duel you here!”

“But why!? It’s like two degrees right now!”

“You think a dark wizard would invite you in for a fight? ‘Oh, please, the weather is dreadful, let’s move this inside.’ I want you to get used to dueling under adverse circumstances. And with that attitude, I can’t help but wonder, are you even a Scotswoman?”

“Wow, now you—” She unwraps her scarf letting it loose around her neck, if he hadn’t such a pretty face she would’ve walked straight to him and shoved her wand in his eye. “Now you’ve offended my honour!”

“Ready your wand then!”

But Aspen wasn’t prepared, he shoots an Incendio that misses her for a hair’s distance.

“Diego!”

He smirks opening his arms. “Thought you might want a little heat.”

She shouts an Immobulus his way, but he ducks and sends an Expelliarmus making her wand fly over her head, falling behind her. Now, if she could stop and focus on something instead of her numb fingers or how her nose felt like it was about to fall off, she would’ve remembered his lesson on how to act in case a wand was lost, but her mind was still reacting to her body and instead of lowering to the ground, she tries to go after it on foot… on a straight line. He only gives her the time to pick her wand up before shouting, “Stupefy!”

She falls hard on her back and is left too embarrassed and angry to even get up. He walks to her. “What have I told you about turning your back to your opponent, Aspenita?”

“Is the duellers worst sin.”

“I even gave you a leeway, in a serious duel you wouldn’t even have time to process where the spell came from, you would be dead or worse.”

“Or worse…” She sits up. “Ah, great, my trousers are soaked! And my hair full of grass.”

“That’s what you get for not paying attention.”

She rolls her eyes. “Oh, ugh—”

He furrows. “What’s wrong?”

“Uh, I think... ah, could ye…” And as he gets nearer, she pulls him by the ankle dropping him to the ground on his stomach. She’s cackling. “A new dueling rule for your playbook, Dieguito!”

He makes a both perplexed and impressed face to her, and as he kneels to try and advance towards her, she throws herself over him to get him back down, and with the weight of her torso, holding his arms back by his wrists, manages to keep him down.

“Does the snow feel good?” She says between teeth, pressing him down on the icy grass with her own body.

He struggles to free his wrists from her grip. “When did you get that strong?”

“Barnaby’s my best friend… or was, ah dinnae ken. I might’ve lost a couple of brain cells, but at least I put on some muscle. By seventh year I’ll be just as ripped.”

“Has Indigo and him… resolved their issues? Whatever they are.”

Aspen crosses her fingers and rests her chin on his chest, she can feel his heartbeat under her hands. “He refuses to tell me what’s wrong and she’s out acting like everything’s fine when it’s not. So no, they haven’t resolved a thing.”

“Barnaby still shows up for our fortnightly training but he’s usually quiet. Very strange for Barnaby, but on the other side, he’s never had a better performance before.”

“It breaks my heart to see them apart…If there was a pair that made me believe in true love, it was them.”

“Then there’s Phoenix and Ismelda—”

She holds his face. “Now, you stop. It’s frustrating enough the stuff with Indie and Barney, and now there’s also those two idiots—”

He holds her hands away from his face. “Ugh, your hands feel like ice needles!”

“And how are yours warm!? Bastard!”

He laughs making his chest vibrate against hers. “I’m always pipping hot, dear.”

“Blergh!”

Still holding her hands, he nears it to his mouth and blows hot breaths on them, her eyes focused on the plump of his lips, all the while her stomach flutters with snowflake-like butterflies. “And what about you?”

She blinks. “What about me?”

“Your relative’s hearts are breaking like glass, but how’s yours?”

She swallows hard. “You really asking me this? Seriously?”

He holds her hands against his lips, his voice comes as if a whisper. “I wanna know if I still hold possession of your heart.”

She drops her head to his chest. “I don’t wanna give you something you can’t hold… but it’s not like you don’t already have it.”

“Indigo asked patience of me and I’m attending to her request cause I too want what’s best for you. I’m still earning her trust in this regard. You’re too young and I might’ve not given the best examples in the past.”

“Too young my arse! You’re barely two years older.” She scoops up until they’re nose to nose, and the air in Diego’s lungs feels rarer. “I’m no bairn, Diego, I ken I want to be with ye, why isn’t that enough?”

“I love you too much to screw this up with haste.”

She opens up a smile with joy blossoming in her chest. “You… you love me?”

“Why you think I haven’t even looked the way of another girl? I’ll wait for you, the time I have to wait. Because there’ll come a time it won’t be an option to wait, we both know that.”

At the same time the weight of the world left her shoulders, a hot burden grew in her chest — laying as they were, even encapsulated in freezing air and with soaked bottoms, she couldn’t stop her blushing cheeks, the redness spreading to her whole face, speechless, leaving Diego to wonder if she was okay.

But before he could ask, she presses her lips against his and he doesn’t feel like breathing anymore or existing beyond the encounter of their mouths. He takes her scarf in handfuls and opens his mouth for her tongue, mindless about her still freezing hands on his neck. The kiss isn’t sloppy but is desperate, considering how long their wait had been, every second of it had to be made up for in this right moment.

It’s her to pull away first with burning lungs while he fishes for another and another feel of her lips — she still had a lot to learn about kissing with passion and he’d be more than willing to teach her. She stops for a moment to admire the redness her kiss left on his lips and smirks.

“You might be patient, but I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait to do this.”

He runs his thumb over her lips, tracing her skin discolorations. “Who am I to deny you of your wishes?” His stare makes her feel as if she won’t ever be as solid as she is under his eyes. “Aspen, you have me, my kisses and my victories and my dreams and all my love. I’m all yours.”

She gives him another soft kiss. “And I’m no different.”

He smiles. “And I don’t wanna ruin our moment, but I’ll get a frostbite on my buttcheeks if I don’t get up now.”

“Oh, sorry, love.” She releases him and helps him up. She looks around the training grounds, empty unless for the training dummies on the corner white with frost. She chuckles. “Damn, we didn’t duel at all.”

“I’ll make an exception just today, cause I feel like my ass is about to fall off and because I won’t be able to stupefy this pretty face. For today.”

She wraps an arm around his waist as they make their way back inside. “Perhaps I better find myself a new dueling partner…”

He looks down at her with a smile. “Never.”

[riversofmars]

I’m suuuper sorry to bother you but I really love your 13/river fics and I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind writing me a super fluffy thing. I have a really shitty week and i just came out to my apparently super homophobic family and could do with a little fluff 💖

Dearest Anon, I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time, please, if you’d like to talk just drop me a message! In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the fluffy short. I just went with the first thing that came to my mind so I hope you like it! I will be writing something else for you because you have also inadvertently given me an idea for my next bigger project! I will just have to write one last chapter for my WIP... else I’ll have a lot of unhappy readers. Mustn’t get distracted by the new shiny thing lol!!

Anyway, hope you like this!

Rating G

Ship: River/Thirteen

Wordcount: 1400

----

River took a sip of her tea and rubbed her tired eyes. It was getting late and she was developing one hell of a headache. Teaching had sounded like such a nice idea at the time. No-one had told her about how tedious and infuriating essay marking was. It took all of her self control not to rip up the essay she had just finished grading. She growled to herself and leant back in her office chair. She had probably reached her limit for today, it was about time she replaced her tea with wine and called it a night. Since taking up teaching at Luna she had been living on campus. It hardly made sense to rent a house when she spent most of her time on campus or away on an expedition somewhere. The real estate market on the moon was hell anyway. It didn’t take her long to get to her apartment. It was a decent size and private so as far as university accommodation goes it was, a real treat. 

She noticed that something was wrong the moment she turned onto the corridor to her apartment. Usually, it was dead quiet around here this time of night but there was the distinct sound of banging and crashing up ahead. The next clue was the odd smell of something burning. The final giveaway  was the fact that her door was slightly ajar as she went up to it. River - being River - was obviously prepared for all sorts of situations and happened to carry a gun in her briefcase. Just in case. So she armed herself and slowly pushed the door open. What she found was chaos, there was smoke everywhere. The noise was definitely coming from the kitchen, as was the smoke. She couldn't help but wonder if she had left the stove on but then she remembered she had never even used it. She lived on wine and take away or simply went out for dinner a lot. She snuck around the corner and lowered her gun, judging the situation to be less dangerous than anticipated. 

What she found was a petite blonde huffing and puffing furiously whisking something on the stove that did not look appetising at all. She was trying to deal with several pans at the same time that all threatened to boil over or catch fire. There were several smoking pots in the sink and all sorts of stuff covering the kitchen sides and floor.

“Care to explain what you’re doing to my kitchen?“ River couldn’t help but sound amused. She knew she should be taking the situation more seriously, a stranger had broken into her flat, but the scene before her was just too ridiculous to describe. The woman spun around in shock, she hadn’t noticed her coming in. 

“You’re early!“ She exclaimed. 

“Early?“ River raised her eyebrows, that was not the response she had expected. 

“You should have been at least another half hour with all those essays.“

“I finished early, I couldn’t take any more of the stupid.“ River replied not even sure why she was answering her. “Mind out for your…“ She started saying when she noticed the other woman had gotten her coat stuck under a pan and it was catching fire. 

“Oh no, not my new coat!!“ The woman exclaimed and shrugged it off and threw it on the floor to stamp out the flames. In that moment, the smoke all around the room overwhelmed the fire alarm system and it started drowning the kitchen in water, soaking both women along with putting the cooking crisis to a stop. 

“You have got to be kidding me.“ River groaned in annoyance, as if her day hadn't been bad enough. “What are you even doing?“ She asked when the fire suppression system stopped spraying them at last. 

“Cooking, I was gonna surprise you with dinner but you know, I never cook so…“ The blonde gave an awkward smile while River just shook her impressive head of hair like a wet dog. River frowned, she felt like she was missing something and it was staring her right in the face. Who was this woman? Why was she looking at her like they had known each other forever, why had she just walked into her flat and was going to make dinner.

“You don’t say…“ River eyed the mess.  

“Admittedly, maybe I’m not the domestic goddess I’d imagined I might be. Still getting to know myself. Worth a shot.“ River just stared at her, the answer was right there but just out of reach. She was still getting to know herself. It couldn’t be… could it? But why not? Probably just wishful thinking… or was it? The odd fashion sense, the chaotic energy. “Surprise sweetie, I’m home.“ The blonde grinned amused at seeing River’s confusion.

“No.“ River exclaimed. 

“Yes.“ The Doctor grinned at her wife.

“Shut up.“ 

“Okay, rude.“ 

“I mean… wow.“ River looked her over not quite believing it.

“You like it?“ The Doctor asked giving a twirl. 

“I mean, I’ve only seen the face.“ River smirked. With that, the Doctor was fed up of talking, she crossed the kitchen in seconds and jumped into her wive’s arms. River spun her around and held her close. The Doctor buried her face in her neck, her wet hair tickling her nose, River held her up with ease. 

“I’ve missed you so much.“ The Doctor mumbled into her hair. 

“And I you, my love.“ River replied softy and walked them over to the kitchen side. Her wife was light but she wasn’t going to hold her up forever so she sat her down on the kitchen surface where there was space. River stepped in between her legs and took her face in her hands. She studied her features and looked into her eyes, they were older than she had ever seen them. 

“Is it a bit weird for you?“ The Doctor asked feeling a bit nervous when River just looked at her and didn’t say anything.

“No…“ River smiled a little. “That’s certainly not the word I’d use…“ She leaned forward and pressed her lips to hers in a soft kiss. The Doctor smiled against her lips feeling a sense of relief, she hadn’t even realised she had been worried right until this moment. She realised it was silly now. She leaned into her and River pulled her a little closer as they kissed. “I do have one concern…“ 

“What’s that?“ The Doctor asked feeling a wave of concern.

“I’m worried you will catch a cold if you stay in these wet clothes.“ River smirked pulling her braces down and the Doctor mouthed a silent “Oh“ raising her eyebrows. “You could catch your death.“ River winked and pushed her hands under her t-shirt.

“Well, that would be unfortunate. I’ve only just regenerated.“ The Doctor chuckled blushing a little as River pulled her shirt off. 

“And what a fine regeneration it is, too.“ River complimented brushing her fingertips down her sternum to her flat stomach to the waistband of her trousers. The Doctor bit her bottom lip, instinctively moving her hips forward, being a woman was different in many ways she hadn’t even thought about initially. So this was yet another exciting lesson as she decided to just trusted her body and her instincts. “Are you travelling by yourself Doctor? You know I don’t like it when you’re alone…“ River mused as she kissed the side of her neck. 

“No I’ve got my Fam…“ The Doctor answered arching her neck a little. 

“Your Fam?“ River repeated in amusement. 

“Ryan, Yaz and Graham, you’d like them.“

“What did you tell them you’d be doing?“ River smirked as she unbuttoned her wife’s trousers. 

“I may have sent them twelve hours into the future…“ The Doctor confessed with a little laugh. 

“Doctor!“ River exclaimed in pretend shock giving her thigh a little slap. 

“What? I wanted some alone time with my wife.“ The Doctor retorted with a cheeky smile. 

“So we’ve got twelve hours?“ River confirmed in a sultry tone.

“Got all night.“ The Doctor nodded as she felt her heart beats quicken. 

“Good.“ River grinned and lifted her off the side with great enthusiasm carrying her out of the kitchen towards the bedroom. “You do realise you’ll be cleaning all that up.“ She commented as they left the kitchen behind. 

“I figured as much.“ The Doctor laughed. 

[eternaleve]

I’ve spent the course of COVID lockdown cycling through hyperfixations while also trying to engage in some much needed therapy (lolsob), and I’ve been essentially encouraging myself to try and do more things I can enjoy without feeling shame. Anyway, that’s a short way of saying I decided to blog about all the music videos of Depeche Mode for reasons of science.

The science is that my basic premise is that most of the videos are pretty bad in ways that I find to be pretty strange. Full disclosure is that I spent my teen years being a huge Cure fan and there’s an overlap there? Of songs with very niche high-concept ideas that don’t necessarily map onto a model of popular music but found mainstream success in the rise of new wave music in the wake of the collapse of first wave punk and amplified by the creation of music videos and music video TV. And I owned all the Cure music videos and played them on my iPod Nano because I was a very strange child. But to get back to my central thesis, many of The Cure’s videos are very stylised and fun and memorable in ways that are good. And yet, despite existing in the same sphere and having an overlap of fans, the music videos for Depeche Mode mostly stay bad until the end of the eighties, a fact I will prove by watching them all.

Can you tell that I am bored because i have lost my job and my mental health is making me fixate on strange shit currently because that is absolutely the case right now

Speak & Spell

Dreaming of Me (Feb 1981)

The single art is really lovely - the red/yellow contrast is very striking against the white, and I really love the design. Hey remember when people used to go out and buy singles and you would appreciate them and the work that went into them? I don’t think I’ve bought a physical single since I was about sixteen. I used to buy them from the Woolworths music department because it was cheap and all my friends worked there, so they had a pretty lenient attitude about what exactly constituted paying for things. Woolworths policy of only hiring teenagers is probably what destroyed their business.

Anyway, Dreaming of Me did not chart super well, getting to number 57 and having no official music video - or actually getting onto the album. It wasn’t included on Speak & Spell in the UK until the 2006 re-release. So, there was no music video for me to look at…

Apart from this video I found from local TV in 1981 to promote the song. It’s a maybe-music video. Because music videos had only been around for about six years and MTV didn’t exist until later in the same year, my guess is that Mute Records were pretty cautious about putting money into a medium that might cost more than they would get in publicity. That’s only a guess. I don’t have a crystal ball for forty years ago. 

Anyway, here are some children recording music.

If i was 19 and someone offered me a recording contract I would have taken it without thinking (like i took on all those student loans without thinking through any consequences wompwomp) but now I am nearly thirty I watch this and think, ‘These children shouldn’t be outside unaccompanied’. The passage of time has made a fool of me.

They go bowling and play Space Invaders which, hey, still sounds like a great night out to me, but I’m guessing that because this is very clearly aimed at teenagers the TV producers didn’t want to encourage teen drinking by showing them performing a gig at a club night.

I call it high fashion. The all-grey really sells it.

This reminds me so much of a advice column in teen magazines - when they’d have problems set out in a little faux-comic strip of still photos? ‘My best friend stole and read my diary’ ‘My crush found out about how I feel and now he’s going out with my best friend’, that sort of thing. That is also a classic carpet pattern. I think my grandma’s living room had that carpet. 

The video is very naive! It’s the sort of thing we would all see now on Youtube from bands just starting out and it is wild to me that this went out on TV. It’s very un-glossy and normal, the stuff that bands put out on YouTube now because of DIYness.

New Life (June 1981)

This is also a really great piece of single art. It’s very bold and striking - it would definitely be the standout record in a sea of other 7’’ released the same week. It also doesn’t particularly match the tone of the single but eh, it looks pretty cool. New Life did much better than Dreaming of Me and got up to number 11 in the UK singles chart. Still no official music video, but the charting meant that the band got onto Top of The Pops! ToTP was cancelled when I was a wee baby teen, because the BBC decided to stop caring about yoof viewership and promoting music was circling the drain everywhere as streaming hit, but it was the place to promote music so was definitely a sign that You Had Made It.

So, last video was silly and made by children, but now they’re wearing see-through mesh shirts, leather trousers, and leather hats with a design that I am a little bit dubious about. I grew up on the oi/punk scene and let me tell you about how many first wave punks wear iconography of bad regimes for faux edginess reasons because I met a LOT of them in my time.

Oh boy do i have thoughts about that hat. It also looks like a Leather Daddy hat which, well, let’s leave that thought to one side. Most ToTP performances were lipsynced. Playing things live would sound weird in the studio, be picked up strangely by the audio equipment and the cameras, so 99% of performances were mimed to the single. Now, some acts would deliberately play up to the pretence and refuse to act like they were doing anything that corresponded to the song - The Jam, The Communards, and The Cure are literally the first examples that come to mind who would just… not do anything close to pretending it was real. 

This is not that. It is very earnest and awkward and serious, which sort of makes it very sweet.

Just Can’t Get Enough (September 1981)

Right, that is shibari, isn’t it? I’m not blind, am I? It’s a very striking image that 99.9% of people would not recognise other than being a striking black and white image. 

I don’t think I can overstate how… innocent, in a way, this point of time was? As in the general level of knowledge about non-conventional stuff in the wider public at large. As in my mother, an almost teen at this point, saw George Michael walking with his boyfriend in central London and had no idea he was gay until he came out. It’s actually the widest cultural gulf I can think of between her teen years and my teen years because I was very aware of queer people from a young age.

Anyway, moving on, I feel like it bears repeating that this song fucking slaps. It’s the last single to be written by Vince Clarke and the last single until 2006 to be written by someone other than Martin Gore. This is one of those songs that just works on every level. Can you imagine coming up with this for the first album of your band? That blows my mind. It’s so overpoweringly good that it was probably for the best that it was saved for last - coming out the gate with a guaranteed fucking banger was been the nail in the coffin for a lot of other eighties synth/electronica bands. They scored a huge hit and then nothing after that managed to be as good or meet the hype. Depeche Mode had built up a far bit of radio play and interest before dropping this which turned out to be very good in the long run!

This got to number 8 on the UK charts and the first to get a music video! It is the only one with Vince Clarke. Full disclosure in that I had this song on my iPod through downloading the video to my computer (that’s how we got songs without using stuff that would give us viruses because i got a ton using bearshare for rare cure demos) and I remember watching the video, all of sixteen years old, and thinking, ‘Man, all these people look so grown up, compared to me, I can’t wait to be an adult!’.

Twelve years have changed my view, somewhat.

Look at this little baby man. Were you in one of my A Level classes - as in, ones that I have taught, not ones that I have been in.

Vince Clarke, however, has had a significant glow up in the six months and now looks like he is the bouncer in a leather bar. This is the One Adult in the room.

Ahh, I see it’s Open Mic Night at the local leather bar. You know what I was saying about how teens in the eighties tended to be significantly more naive about what we might call certain signifiers? Because what this outfit says to me, a queer woman in 2020, is susbstanitally different than to my mum and her friends watching this when it first came out. She would read this as ‘This is totally rebellious and cool!’ while I go ‘Someone just joined the university kink club and spent all their bursary’.

I don’t remember the member of Blazin’ Squad that wore a slave harness. (Now, there’s a reference that shows my age. A Blazin’ Squad reference in the year of Our Lord 2020. Hoooo boy.)

I read somewhere (that I can’t find now because, of course I can’t) that these are the band’s girlfriends and I always remembered that because it made me think, lol, same. One of my closest friends is the Head of London, so she’s in every band in London and if she’s not in yours yet give her time, and my partner was in a locally successful metal/hardcore band for about a decade and being connected with any sort of band means you will be helping out hugely behind the scene constantly. I have held lights, moved speakers, picked up instruments, been in music videos, and have bought tearaway trousers and glowsticks for gigs. You get called in to help all the time which is a lot of fun, so that fact always just stuck with me. It also makes sense financially because then you don’t have to hire any professional backing dancers, you can rely on people who will happily do it for free (while looking pretty rad while doing it!).

Anyway, the band look like those generic raiders that you run into when randomly walking across the map in a Fallout game.

I love awkward choreography in music videos. It feeds me.

Filming a night out provides A) Great footage and B) Can be done for limited overheads, leaving more money to be put into promotion. 

I always like seeing this sort of footage in music videos. I tend to see a lot of it, given the DIY punk scene, and it always charms me. I am easy to please. And all those women have the most amazing eye makeup that makes me super jealous because it all looks so good.

That hat is on point. This looks like a still image for some sort of cyberpunk big band style swing revival that, sadly, lives only in my dreams.

It took me so goddamn long to screenshot this shot probably because i was also blasting dream nails whoops

Anyway those are my reactions to Speak & Spell’s one solitary music video with some other things thrown in and this took me way too long. I make myself laugh though, that’s the main thing. I will do A Broken Frame… at some point. I think I have a bunch of vinyl for A Broken Frame? My mum actually bought all the singles for that album and I stole most of her collection years ago. I will have to search and see what I can find.

[almondeyes-biased]

Can you do a neighbour!jacksongot7 where you guys always see eachother around the building and have mutual friends but never really talk. but one day, he sees that you need help with building new furniture and offers to help and you guys have a nice long conversation. after that, you guys are closer and eventually date? THANK U

Of course, here you go❤️ I am so sorry for not writing and uploading this earlier 🙏🏻 I hope you like this a lot! Also, I changed a bit the part of "long conversation" for... scientific reasons 😌 ENJOY ❤️

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Pairing: Jackson Wang x reader

Genre:fluff, neighbor!au

Warnings:none really, just some good ol'fluff ahead ❤️

Your life had never been anything out of the ordinary, just waking up, grabbing coffee, heading to the office you were currently working part time to earn some more money until you’d be over with your post graduate degree, then studying, and some evenings of the week there were some night outs with friends from work and uni. Nothing more, nothing less. Nothing could actually disturb the boring course of things every day. No one was around to do so, anyway.

Well, almost no one. Cause there was Jackson. 

Jackson had been your neighbor for more time than you could think, and recently, at one of your nights out at the local café he was seemingly working at, you found out you even had common friends. You spoke here and there, exchanging hellos at mornings and wishes at celebrations. You even had coffee together at his apartment right next door that day you got locked out of your apartment and waited for the specialist to come and change the lock, but other than that nothing. You just had that typical neighbor relationship.

So the days passed with you behind your large university books and your laptop, along with some decoration magazines, as you decided you wanted to change the decoration to your apartment, for actually the millionth time that year as you got bored of everything really quickly, and add another library to your living room, no matter if there were already three of them. Books were never enough for you, and this was not going to change now. 

And the day came when your new library arrived, and you were super excited. You thanked the boys that climbed the stairs with the huge package on their backs and, paying, you unpacked the parts and started building it. 

It was harder than you remembered, dammit. Almost one hour had passed, you had already beaten your hand multiple times with the little hammer you used, and scratched it even more, and all you had come through was the sides and the first shelf. You sighed, poured a glass of cold water and changed your shirt because it was drenched in pure sweat. You had to take a break. You opened the windows in the house for fresh air and got out to the balcony to get some yourself. It was some hours past noon, and the sun had already started setting, as it was almost 6. The whole city was at your feet, as your apartment was in the most central part of it. It was the third city you had moved into during your (age) years, and this was the one you liked the most. 

Caught up in your thoughts and daydreaming, you never noticed the figure standing at the balcony next to yours, gazing at your and smiling.

“Hey,” a familiar voice got you out of your thoughts. You turned around and came face to face with Jackson.

“Hi!” you cheered. “I didn’t see you there.”

“I noticed. How are you?” he asked, kindly as always – another reason to have you smiling that day.

“All good, nothing new. University, work, home and then all over again.”

“Anything breathtaking taking place in your life?”

“If you wanna know about the literature book I am currently reading, then yeah, but if not, actually no,” you answered, making him laugh.

“Where do you put all these books of yours? You don’t know how many times I have counted that I have stepped into you carrying new books to your apartment,” Jackson said, and now it was your time to laugh.

“Sometimes I wonder too. But hey, with four libraries in the house you can never lose. In fact, I might have actually ordered a new one and trying to build it.”

“Right now? Do you need help?” he asked caringly.

“No need to, I don’t want to put you in trouble…”

“But I want to. I’ll be there in seconds.”

And with that he disappeared. No more than 10 seconds passed, and your door bell rang.

“Show me. But before we start, please put some music on.”

You smiled, chose a chill playlist from your spotify account and started working. After another half an hour, the library was all built up and placed where you indicated. You sighed and looked at him.

“Thank you so much, I think I would have still been trying to get this over with.”

“No need to, my pleasure. It was even a reason to have a little chat, it’s been a long time since we last caught up. How’s everything, how’s your degree courses going?” he asked with a smile.

“Oh it’s good actually, I will be finished by the end of the year I guess. Then I’ll try to find a work on what I have studied,” you answered. “You? How’s work? Anything new?”

“You know, good old same stuff, everyday work, serving, noisy clients, but still I like it. I get to spend time around what I like - that being coffee. It also gives me much time to do other stuff I like, home or not.” Jackson’s voice sounded steady. And it came in complete opposition with your heart, that all out of a sudden had started beating fast, with that familiar feeling growing in the pit of your stomach. How come you never had noticed the way his eyes curled up when he was speaking, the way his lips formed a little smile even when it wasn’t his intention to smile? How he cutely tilted his head the left while talking, or how his hands were always gesturing towards whomever it was that he was speaking to. He was really handsome, being a little taller than you, with a firm body and strong gaze, the type of guy you would turn your gaze towards on the street.

Before you got to say anything, his phone suddenly rang. He looked at you, and then reached for his cellphone in his pocket.

“Sorry, I have to get this, it’s my brother. See you another time, yes? Don’t disappear again,” he said and winked, then got out of your door.

   ~*~

Three days had passed, and you hadn’t seen Jackson again. He was probably caught up with work and stuff, you’d think. But still it was a bad feeling. You know, that feeling you have when you miss someone, even though there is literally just a wall separating you. 

It was just another regular day of waking up, taking coffee, staying inside to study cause you didn’t have any lessons at uni, eating and now, early afternoon, resting listening to music. You sighed, looking at the clock. It was just 4 in the afternoon, and you really felt like doing nothing. Suddenly, an idea crossed your mind. You quickly shoved it away, but it came back immediately. And you just got off the couch, got dressed in a pair of plain black jeans, a white sleeveless shirt, slipped in your converse all stars, grabbed your keys and walked out the door, to the café Jackson was working.

Walking in, the strong smell of freshly grounded coffee hit you right away. You smiled. No other smell could calm you down the way this one could. And there he was. In a black shirt and black trousers, a n apron tied around his waist, Jackson was serving two clients while softly humming at the song that was currently playing on the stereo. When he saw you, his face lit up. He smiled, and you nodded that you would be sitting on the table right across the bar. From there, you could observe him best. His firm arms, the way they were moving around like coffee was art and he was the painter, the way he greeted every one that was walking into the café and the big smile that would offer to them, his soft and a little raspy voice when he was singing to his favorite songs on the radio, it all gave you a heart-warming feeling and a sense that you couldn’t simply shove away. 

You smiled when he approached you and sat en face of you. 

“Hey,” he said. “What a beautiful surprise.”

You smiled.

“Well, I didn’t see you around these days and I thought I would come and say hi,” you said and he nodded.

“Nice one…You know, I’ve been wanting to invite you over after the weekend but I never got the chance, got caught up with the café and stuff,” he said.

“Actually, I never thanked you for helping me the other day, and I was wondering if...Well, if you wanted to go and  get some coffee or ice cream, some day that you won’t have much work?” you asked him with your heart beating louder than ever. This was the first time you were taking such a step, and you didn’t know how to comport yourself.

His smile and the excitement in his eyes calmed you down almost immediately.

“You ask just the perfect time, the day after tomorrow I have a day off we could use! But hey, you’ve been for coffee with me. How about…I don’t know, maybe go and get some drinks, maybe a cocktail would sound more…Interesting?” he proposed, and you nodded.

“Yeah, I…I would love that. So, Friday afternoon it is?”

“Does nine sound good?”

“Sounds perfect.”

“I’ll come and pick you up, it’s not much distance anyway,” he said and you laughed. He softly bit down his lower lip and looked at you with something in his eyes you would translate into excitement suppressed into hesitation.

“So, it’s a date?”

“It’s a date.”

[sonipanda]

Let’s change it up a little, and review a bodysuit. It has been some time since I have done a review on one, and I am super excited to dress this one up for a party look. There is no way I would be able to wear this to work…

This gorgeous piece was gifted from my Amazon Wishlist.

The Spec

Colour: Black 

Size: Small

Materials: Polyester, Spandex

Price: £18.99

Website: Amazon – SEBOWEL Women Sexy Sheer Mesh Rhinestone Bodysuit Club Party Leotard Tops

My Outfit

I paired this bodysuit with my satin cargo trousers and added some heels to it. I was a little unsure whether to go for plain and simple, or if I pair up with my gladiator pearl statement sandals.

My Deets

Bodysuit: Sebowel (off Amazon)

Bottoms: Zara

Heels: Both off Amazon

    The Review

From The Website: Women Sexy Sheer Mesh Rhinestone Studded Bodysuit Club Party Long Sleeve Leotard Tops Blouse

Sexy Sheer Bustier Body Embellished with Rhinestones All Over Polyester, Spandex Body Blouse Slim Fit Long Sleeves LRD-LC32211-2-black-s Thong Bottom with Snap-button Gusset Closure Fashion and Unique Design Makes You Charming and Sexy Care instructions: Hand washable / do not bleach / dry

  The Packaging: the bodysuit came as shown below. It was wrapped in a plastic wallet bag with no labels or anything. I examined it to make sure that there was no damage or anything missing before I went ahead with the review.

  Getting It On: now there are a few ways you can get into this bodysuit, and I like that. You had the back zip and the popper button closure at the bottom so you don’t have to struggle to get it on. As this is quite stretchy and not a full bodycon fit, I was able to slip into it easily.

  The Front & Back: let me start off with the front. It has diamantes scattered all over the body; both back, front and arms. This stops when it reaches the waist (around the belly button area) on the back and front.

I like how this isn’t too sheer on the body, so this can be worn during the day as well as the evening. I also like how it is a good quality material; nothing too cheap and a piece that doesn’t irritate the skin or feel like it will snag or rip easily.

The back has the zip, which works from the top of the neck to low-back so you have a lot of room to get in and out of the bodysuit.

The neck also has the diamante finish to it and is around 1 inch in height. You can still par up necklaces or long earrings with this without it looking too much.

There is no cuffing on the sleeves, which I would have liked. Nevertheless, it also means I can push it up and create other styles.

  Around The Waist / Closing:  so I added an image of the model wearing it from the website, and I can say this is not a thong back. It is just like the front; it sits on the tushy but only half covers it.

As you can see below, this isn’t shaped to my body at all, so there is room if you are a duo size or like that extra bit of stretch in your clothing.

The buttons are also pretty good and strong, and do not come apart easily either. I have tried some where you button it, and it just undoes itself whilst you’re walking.

I will also note that this does not irritate or scratch your private areas; speaking from experience I have had some where I’m not wearing hosiery and because the stitching was really bad, I have had the button piece scratch me and leave marks. It was so uncomfortable and in the end, I had to undo it and sew on another piece!

  My Thoughts?

I have to say I really do like this bodysuit; it’s super fun, sexy and I love that it isn’t too sheer either. It fits nicely and there is a nice amount of stretch in it too! Totally recommend it!

SEBOWEL Mesh Rhinestone Bodysuit Let's change it up a little, and review a bodysuit. It has been some time since I have done a review on one, and I am super excited to dress this one up for a party look.

[richardpooleimagines]

Imagine celebrating your birthday with [the Saint Marie gang and] Richard! (part 2/2)

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A/N: so here it finally is and damn it took me too long to post it, my bad. also i find the world’s lack of images & gifs of starlit beaches disturbing

Part two of the original request by the super awesome @cake-and-umbrellas!!!!!!! 

Pairing: Detective Inspector Richard Poole x reader

Warnings: Richard rants for like 200 minutes, fluffy kisses (oh dear), sand (dw it’s unmentioned)

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Back at the Shack, Richard opened the passenger door for you and when he held out his arm without a word you took it and cocked your head to the side in question. He hadn't said anything for the entire car ride.

Needless to say you gasped when he opened the front door and you were drenched in the beautiful orange glow of hundreds of little fairy lights, hung from the ceiling and wrapped around the tree that grew through the middle of his living room. Your grasp tightened on his arm as you looked up at him, near to tears, "What's going on Richard?"

He smiled softly. Finally, after a long day and a night of partying with your friends at Catherine's, it was near midnight and he finally had you right where he wanted you: so close to being in his arms so he could tell you how much he loved and appreciated you. 

"Shhhh," he put a finger to his lips and untangled his arm from yours, taking off his suit jacket, tie, rolling up his sleeves, and undoing the first few buttons. As he did this you watched him curiously, your cheeks tinted rouge (trying not to pass out from the sheer masculine appeal that Richard was exuding with his rolled up sleeves and few undone buttons). What was going on?

His silent answer came when he held out his hand and led you slowly out to the porch and then onto the sand along the starlit beach.

Forearms linked and fingers woven together, it was lovely to feel the contact usually not felt when he had his sleeves rolled down and suit jacket on. He hoped you didn't notice how his skin was searing where it was pressed against yours, contrasting with the cool salty sea breeze that whipped around you both. His blood was running hot because even after all this time together, your laugh and smile and eyes and everything you did made his heart flip somersaults.

Aglow with bright moonlight, you walked along for a ways. When you stopped, you could hear Richard take a deep breath - you were holding yours- and release a heavy sigh, before he turned to you and took both your hands in his. Your birthday was becoming more and more magical every minute you spent with him, and you were on the verge of dizzy with how romantic this all was.

"I'm sorry," he said.

His words took you by surprise as you froze in horror and furrowed your brows, your heart having leapt to your throat. You could see Richard's face contort into confusion with your sudden change of expression.

"You're breaking up with -"

"-What? No? No! No of course not," he looked at you, incredulous.

"Oh thank god," you let out a rush of air.

Taking a second to relax and giving you a moment to release the sheer panic you just experienced, he gazed at you apologetically. His hands were warm and gentle around yours, and you stared back at him in awe, you loved him so much. "What are you sorry for then?"

"I - I, well," he began, "I wanted tonight to be special, because it was your birthday."

You giggled and shook your head, "It was special, Richard, everyone was so wonderful."

"No, I mean I wanted to make tonight special for you. I had quite a bit planned out..." he sighed and looked away at the nearby waves, "I'm sorry that sounds terribly selfish of me."

You were stunned, Richard was grumpy the whole night because he wanted to spend your birthday evening alone? Oh, your precious, sweet, well-meaning, absolutely dense Detective Inspector. You grinned broadly, blushing, "No, you did make it special for me, by being there. ...And for being with me," you added.

"Oh!" he let go of your hands, "that reminds me!" fumbling in his trouser pocket he pulled out a small, long rectangular box. Your eyes widened and you could feel your head beginning to spin. "I got you something."

"You didn't have to-"

"No, I did," he handed it to you, blushing. "I hope you like it. It was my great-grandmother's. I got my mother to send it by priority mail. To be honest I was shocked it actually arrived."

Opening the box, you felt the tears beginning to well up. It was a simple but elegant, beautiful, beautiful wristwatch with a black band. It looked very vintage and very well taken care of. "It's gorgeous!" You were trembling and your heart was racing as he offered to help you put it on.  He was close enough then that when his warm breath fanned your cheeks and fingertips lightly brushed your wind-chilled skin it sent shivers all over you. And when he finished and didn't step back, you let your eyes roam over all of him, appreciating the slightly disheveled, vulnerable, unprofessional, entirely whole-hearted and kind Richard that no one else except you was allowed to see.

"I know it sounds cheesy," he paused and rubbed the back of his neck, "But you ground me. And you complete me. And to be fair, you make solving cases a lot easier since you - well you are the best part of my day and a lot of my stress is gone when I see you - well that is besides being able to have a lovely cool shower when it's ridiculously hot outside ... but then again even those sometimes don't go according to plan because of Harry thinking it's okay to sneak up on me in there - so I suppose when you weigh all of the cons of being on this godforsaken tropical island, you truly are the best part of my day. And don't even get me started on my not being able to have a decent conversation with anyone of Camille, Dwayne or Fidel, or Catherine for that matter. And they probably think that it's okay to - wait I hope they didn't make you...No they couldn't possibly have," he briefly interrupted this thought to wave it off and shake his head, then he continued, too nervous to stop, "Did you know I was going to cook you dinner? It was going to be one of those lovely, traditional, good British dishes. I mean I'm not the best at cooking, but I thought you'd have liked to help me. We could've worked it out together. And then after we were going to watch any movie you wanted. And I even bought some of those desserts you love. I know it wasn't a cake but we could've blown out some candles anyway. I'm sorry that-"

You grabbed his shirt collar and kissed him, shutting up his directionless ranting. He froze, hands mid-air. But you didn't shy away and just as suddenly as he had tensed, he completely relaxed against your lips and returned it with a joy that sent happy warmth flooding through you. The fireworks were bursting from your head to your toes and you reveled in how soft and gentle his mouth was against yours.

When you finally pulled away, it was because humans still needed oxygen to survive. He held you in his arms, they'd slid around your waist and yours around his broad shoulders, during the kiss.

You could've stayed like that for eternity, drowning in each other's souls. He let out a shaky breath, "Wow," his emerald eyes were wide with happy surprise. "You can't imagine how long I've dreamt of that," he whispered confidentially.

"Really?" you mumbled, flushed, raising your eyebrows.

"Is it my birthday or yours?"

You giggled and rolled your eyes.

He frowned slightly, "I'm sorry for having made you go out of your way to do that. I ought to have kissed you instead. It's just that I -"

So you cut him off by kissing him again sweetly. He made no protest. In fact his grasp around you tightened and one of his hands slid up your waist into your hair to deepen the kiss eagerly. Your racing heart fluttered and you tangled your fingers in his short brown locks.

Breaking apart you stared at each other, breathless, and entirely head over heels in love,"Come on, let's go back inside, it's only midnight. We still have lots of time to do all of what you planned. I'm also willing to accept your apologies for my supposedly absolutely no good horrible birthday in the form of your kisses, Detective Inspector Poole."

He grinned, red from ear to ear, "Gladly, my love."

[hamilkilo]

Herc's Four Sets of Corsets and More

Prompt: "That's awesome! Could I request a poly!Hamilsqaud where the reader is a brit and is new to New York and meets Herc in his shop maybe? and he asks her out and he really likes her so he takes her to meet the guys and tells her abt the relationship and she's obvs cool with it and some fluff at the end. Thank you so much !! Sorry if this doesn't make sense!!"

Prompt: requested by @foxqmulder

Pairing: Starts out Hercules Mulligan X Reader, develops into Poly!Hamilsquad X Reader

TW: PG swearing, klutziness, insecurities, fluff??? Second hand embarrassment??? Cute fluff???

A/N: Sorry this one took a bit longer than usual! I’m sorry! I had work! I hope this is to your satisfaction! I tried my best! I hope you enjoy it! Thank you so much for all of the love and support! I love y'all! Also, if you have anything you’d like me to trigger, please let me know! I want you to feel safe when reading my work!

Word Count: 5094


You weren't sure how you'd ended up in the small shop on the corner of downtown, but there you were. It was a rustic, Victorian looking shop, and it just sort of called to you. You'd always been into that kind of stuff, the flowy tops and elegant skirts.

You were out on the town trying to find yourself. You'd left your home country to find yourself, after all. You'd left your small town in Britain for the big, bustling town of New York City. You'd wanted a change, and you could feel the possibility of new here. You needed something new. You'd been here for over a month now, and aside from hectic, you felt the same. You still felt like you didn't know who you were. So you were out on the town, walking the city, searching for pieces that made sense. Seeing this shop just made sense.

Considering that you had enough money to leave your country, you weren't poor. You weren't the Queen of England either though. When you entered the quaint shop, you immediately knew it was out of your price range. Everything was elegant and hand crafted. There were vibrant colors and unique buttons, and you could feel your energy surge. Everything in this store just made you so happy! There was a men's section full of tunics, trousers, riding gloves, and even elegant boots. You were completely blown away.

"Welcome to Herc's Four Sets of Corsets and More, how are you today?" A voice chimed from behind a wall of fabric, and you jumped. You peeked over the rack and blushed. For some reason, you'd expected some little, old white lady to be running the store, but this was no little, old white lady. Oh no. This was a tall drink of damn son.

He was focused on sewing another dress, his large, dark fingers delicately pulling at the fabric, his tongue poked out of his mouth in concentration. He had a bandana over his head, little, black curls peaking out from beneath it. And he had muscles for miles. Damn. This guy could rip you in half with his bare hands, and you'd thank him for it.

You couldn't help but stare at him, and he must've noticed because he quickly looked up. You almost fell over in shock, and his eyes widened.

"H-hi!" You stuttered awkwardly, quickly ducking and trying your best to walk away as fast as you could. Good job. You managed to embarrass yourself in front of another hot guy. A plus!

"Wait! Can I help you find something?" He called out, and you wanted to die right there. Even his voice was hot!

"N-no! That's fine! You stay over there, and I'm gonna go over here, and, uh, just look!" You replied nervously, glancing over your shoulder to see him peering over a rack of clothes at you. Unluckily for you, you were too busy gawking at him to notice the manikin in front of you. You toppled straight into it, and ended up on top. You managed to knock one of its arms off, and you cut your hand on the exposed joint. Of course. You quickly pulled your hand away from the beautiful material it was dressed in so that you didn't ruin it with your blood.

"Shit! Ma'am, are you alright?" He came up beside you and just kind of stared. You were a disaster. You were straddling an elegant manikin in your casual yoga pants and loose fitting five dollar Walmart top. Your hand was bleeding, your face was redder than a tomato, and you had managed to completely embarrass yourself in front of a super hot boy.

"I'm so sorry!" You finally cried out as your blood dripped onto the wood floor. Your hand was throbbing, and the dislocated arm of the manikin kind of freaked you out.

"What are you sorry for? I startled you!" He argued, before he realized you were still on top of the manikin and offered you a hand to help you up. You stared at his outstretched hand for a minute, then carefully took it. He helped you up, and you quickly pulled your hand away.

"Look," you said as your eyes darted for an exit. You needed to get out before you embarrassed yourself further, "I'll pay for any damage I've caused-"

"What? No! That's ridiculous! It was my fault-" As soon as he declined, you made a mad dash for the door.

"I left my cab running!" You called out before you high tailed it out of the store and down the street. You'd found who you were. You were an embarrassing klutz that shouldn't go out in public.




It had been a few months since you'd moved to New York City, and you'd managed to make friends. One of your friends was a girl that had an apartment across the hall from yours. She was around your age, and her name was Peggy. You'd met when she found you sitting outside your apartment one night in nothing but a t shirt and underwear because you'd somehow managed to lock yourself out. She laughed at you before she helped you pick the lock. You'd invited her in for a drink that night and ended up swapping bad relationship stories until two in the morning.

Peggy had insisted that you spend the Saturday out, and she showed you around the city. She took you to her favorite coffee house: the Mudhouse Cafe, her favorite lunch venue: McAlisters, and a few of her favorite boutiques like Shaila's and the Starlighter's. You'd each accumulated a few bags along the way, and you were about to head back, when Peggy's face lit up, and she dragged you down the street.

"Y/N! I just remembered that Hercules's shop just opened a few months ago, and I promised I'd come by to see it! Come with me! I'm sure you'll love it!" You couldn't protest; she looked so excited. So you scurried behind her in your kitten heels and frilly, blue romper.

Then, you saw it. "Peggy," you began, trying to pull away from your friend, and to no avail, "Peggy, I can't go in there-"

"Why not? Don't tell me you believe in premonitions, Y/N!" She teased, and much to your horror, she pulled you up the stairs and into the shop. The little bell went off and sealed your fate. You hung your head. So this was how it ended.

"Herc!" Peggy called out as she let go of your hand and began to explore the shop. This was your chance. You couldn't leave; the bell would alert Peggy. You had to hide. You ventured around the shop, then you spotted a small staircase hidden out of the way. You made your way over to it, and your kitten heels quietly tapped as you made your way up. There was an open door at the top, and you went straight in. Right away, you knew you'd explored too far. This wasn't an extension of the shop; this was someone's private living space. What had you done?! You turned your way to quickly retreat when you heard a door open.

"Peggy, is that you?" A voice asked, and you froze. "Wait, who are you?!"

You didn't turn around, you just froze, starring down the staircase.

"Herc?" You heard Peggy call again from downstairs.

"Oh!" You exclaimed, taking a slow step towards the staircase, "My friend is calling me, so I guess I've gotta go! Bye!" And you went to dash down the stairs, but his laugh caught you off guard.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that your name was Herc, too!" He chortled for a bit, and you slowly turned to look at him. He had his head thrown back in a laugh, but that wasn't what caught your eye. He had a towel slung across his hips, beads of water tracing down his well defined chest.

"Wait a minute!" He suddenly exclaimed, and your eyes snapped back up to his. "You're the girl that tackled my manikin!"

"Um..." you felt a heat tracing over your neck and up your cheeks. "What?" Your voice cracked. "Me? Tackle a manikin? N-never! That sounds like something a football player would do! And I," you paused for emphasis, "would never dream of being a football player! I mean, I've never even seen a match before! How many points is a free throw? I don't know!"

You couldn't stop rambling as you looked anywhere but at him. Once again, you were embarrassing yourself.

"Whoa, calm down. I don't bite, I promise," he said with a kind smile, and you took a deep breath. "Look, let me get dressed, and then I'll show you around my shop, okay?"

You bit your lip, unsure, then nodded. Before he could say anything else, you took off down the stairs. Right as you rounded the corner, you found Peggy.

"Y/N! Have you found Herc anywhere?" She asked you, and you pointed up the stairs. She gave you an incredulous look.

"He, uh, he'll be down in just a minute," you mumbled, still shook from your encounter.

"Okay? Anyways, what do you think? Isn't it all just wonderful! He's so good at this!" She held a red dress up to her body and swayed with a smile.

You heard footsteps on the stairs and quickly looked up to see Herc, dressed, coming down the stairs with a wide smile on his face.

"I didn't think you'd actually hang around!" He exclaimed when he saw you, then his eyes shifted to your friend.

"Pegs! What a surprise!" He quickly pulled her into a hug, and they both laughed. "What brings you by?"

"Oh, I just wanted to see you! Everything is so amazing in here! You're so talented, Herc!" She squealed, then she noticed the way Herc's eyes curiously darted to you. "This is my friend, Y/N! She lives across the hall from me!"

"Oh! Is this the neighbor that-" You didn't miss how Peggy shot him a look, and you felt your cheeks burn. Good to know that Peggy told him stuff about you. She'd definitely hear about this later.

"Anyways," he cleared his throat, "A tour around the store!" He offered the crook of his elbow to Peggy, and she took it. Then he offered the other to you. You eyed him suspiciously before you complied, and he gave you another grin.

He led you around the store, gushing about his prized pieces that you couldn't help but admire, and you found yourself picking up a few articles along the way. Eventually, Peggy had piled a few dresses into your arms as well.

"So, tell me about yourself, Y/N," he began as he walked the both of you around the store, and you felt your cheeks turn bright red.

"Uh, what do you want to know?"

He shrugged and looked down at you with a soft smile. "I dunno, what do you do in your free time?"

"You mean when I'm not tackling manikins?" You joked, and you saw Peggy's face light up in understanding. Great. They both had talked about you at some point. "Well, uh, I paint. I'm no Bob Ross, but I do try. I like to read a lot... what about you?"

You didn't like talking about yourself. You still weren't sure about who you were, after all.

"You're looking at it!" Herc joked, and you laughed. "That, and I pick up manikins that get knocked over."

You rolled your eyes. "It's not like I did it on purpose!" You could feel yourself coming out of your shell to this guy. "I mean, this really cute guy caught me staring at him, and I just had to get away before I totally mortified myself-"

"Did you just call me cute?" He asked with a smirk, and your heart stuttered. Oh no. Did you?

"What? No! Of course not! What I said was 'really cube guy.' Jeez, get your hearing checked," you muttered, knowing that he clearly heard you say "cute."

He grinned at you, "You know, it's okay. I think you're a really 'cube' girl, too."

You looked at the ground, trying to hide the smile creeping its way onto your face.

"Aww, look at you two!" Peggy exclaimed, "Too cute!"

You rolled your eyes and quickly let go of Herc's arm. You followed him to the till and watched Peggy pay first. She whispered a few things to him, occasionally glancing your way, then giggling. She was probably embarrassing you again. Then, you paid.

"Hey, this one's on sale," he informed you as he scanned a pretty, purple dress Peggy had picked out for you.

"Really?" You asked, excited about spending less money.

"Yeah, it's free! And it comes with a free coffee date!" He offered, and you bit your lip to keep from smiling.

"No, you don't have to-" you began, feeling guilty that he wanted to do something nice for you.

"No, really, I want to!" He exclaimed as he bagged the clothes. You scanned your card, unsure what else to do. When the receipt printed, he scrawled his number across it.

"Y/N, I think you're pretty cool, even if you do tackle manikins in your free time."

You smiled shyly, head over heels. You couldn't believe that after the amount you'd embarrassed yourself, he still wanted to see you.

"Thanks," you whispered as you grabbed the receipt and followed Peggy out.

As soon as you were down the street, she turned to you squealing. "You are going on that date!"

Fast forward to a week later, and you were sat in a coffee shop in the dress Peggy had picked out at Herc's shop, and you were drumming your nails on the table nervously. Why'd you let her talk you into this? What if you did something stupid, like accidentally dump coffee all over him? You would die. You would just catch on fire and die.

"Hey, Y/N! I'm so glad you came!" Herc's voice boomed as he slid into the chair across from you. You looked up, shocked, and stared at him. You would never get tired of looking at him.

"Hi," you squeaked before you took a quick sip from your straw.

"So what have you been up to?" He asked you as he leaned forward on the table and watched you drink your coffee.

"Well, I have a job," you began, "I write articles in a paper."

“That's neat! If you don't mind me asking, did you just get a job, or...?"

You shook your head with a smile, "No, I actually just moved here from Britain a few months ago. I was looking for, well, it's going to sound pretty stupid, but I was trying to find myself."

You looked down at the table, feeling dumb, but you felt his eyes on you. "Well, did you?"

You looked up at him, "What?"

"Did you find yourself?" He asked you, and you bit your lip.

"I dunno," you admitted.

"It must've been hard, to leave your family and everything behind," he murmured to you, chin resting on his hand, gaze resting on you.

You shook your head, "Not really. I mean, we argued a lot. They weren't happy with my choices."

Herc took your hand in his, "Hey, don't worry. You don't need them to approve, okay? You don't live for them, you live for yourself! My parents were appalled when I turned to fashion. They said I'd never make it, and now I have my own shop!"

You could feel his passion spreading. It was contagious. A smile took over your face, "Exactly! Who needs them! I'm going to be fine without them! I always have been! And I'm going to make it just to prove them wrong!"

"Atta girl!" He exclaimed, and you high fived him.

"Good riddance! I'll be whoever I wanna be here!" You took another sip of your coffee, and Herc smiled.

"You remind me of someone," he murmured, and you whirled your eyebrow.

"Are they cute?" You inquired, and he laughed, shaking his head.

"Ridiculously," he informed you, "They have the same spirit you do."

"I think it's only because you inspire them," you shrugged it off, and he laughed.

"That's funny, because usually, they inspire me," he paused, "you inspire me."

You snorted, "I inspire you? To do what? Tackle some manikins? Completely embarrass yourself?"

When he didn't reply, you glanced up at him. He was watching you with eyebrows drawn in concentration and thought. "No, to live free. You left behind everything to find yourself. You embarrass yourself, sure. We all do. But you're able to joke about it, and you're cute when you do it."

You blushed and shook your head, hiding behind your hair. "You give me too much credit."

"You don't give yourself enough," he countered, and you covered your mouth to hide a smile. You weren't used to people being this kind to you.

"So tell me more about this person I remind you of," you quickly changed the subject, and his eyes lit up.

"He's the best. He actually works at one of the local news stations. He's tight with Mr. Washington, the big lawyer guy. He always has an opinion on something. He cares so much about everything; it's amazing! He's unafraid to stand up for what he cares about! He defends what he loves with passion... He stood up to my parents when they were badgering me about my interest in fashion. They said I'd never make it, and now I have my own shop!"

You felt your heart sink. "If I didn't know any better, Herc, I'd say you're in love."

He quickly looked up at you, a small smile in place, "You're right, Y/N. I am."

You felt bitterness strangling you. For some reason, you wanted to cry. You felt so stupid. "Then why'd you ask me on a date? And flirt with me in your shop?"

His smile faltered, and he reached for your hand, but you pulled it into your lap, "Because you're cute, and I like you."

You held back the hurt that was coursing through you, "I'm more than cute, you know."

"I know! Ugh, Alex would be so much better at this! I want to get to know you better! Please, give me a chance!"

"I'm not a home wrecker, Herc!" You angrily informed him, and he laughed.

"Who said anything about a home wrecker? Look, Y/N. I'm in an open relationship. Please, just give me a chance?" His eyes shined with sincerity, and you bit your lip.

"Fine, but if I get jumped by a jealous girlfriend, I'm out," you warned. For some reason, he found this hilarious, and he laughed for a good five minutes.

"No jealous girlfriends, I promise."




You'd gone on a few dates with him so far, each of them inexplicably normal. You'd even managed to refrain from embarrassing yourself. However, the thought of a jealous girlfriend still haunted you.

This time, Herc had taken you to a quaint, Italian restaurant. You couldn't not ask anymore.

"So, I want to know more about your open relationship," you finally demanded over breadsticks. He folded his menu and placed it in front of him before he looked up at you. You figured that you were at a good place in the relationship to ask. "I'm ready to know. I want to take the next step. I'm really into you, Herc, so I want to know what I'm getting into here."

He nodded in understanding. "I wanted to get to know you before I pulled you into this. I was actually planning to talk to you about it tonight." He rubbed the back of his neck before he tugged on his beanie. "I said before that I have an open relationship... Well, that's the easy way of explaining it, although it's not entirely accurate."

You opened your mouth to scold him, but he held up his finger. "I'm polyamorous," he explained. "I have three other boyfriends, all of which I love dearly and equally. You remind me of one of them, actually... Alex. There's Alex, John, and Laf... I've talked to them about you, a lot..."You felt yourself blush, and he grinned at you. "You said that you want to take the next step, well, I'd like you to meet them. I think they'll like you... What I'm trying to say, is, I think I want another person in the relationship."

He stared at you, waiting for a response, but you only stared at him. He wanted you to... be the fifth member of a relationship? This blew your mind. Now, give yourself some credit. You came from a small town. You'd never really fancied the idea that there could be more than two people in a relationship. It made sense to you now that you thought about it, though. You'd never been one for a relationship, how could you handle four other people??? You could barely date Herc!

"Wow," you finally said, "That's a lot to take in..."

"Do you have any questions???" He asked hesitantly, and you squinted, thinking.

"How would a dinner work?"

He chuckled, "Well, we'd just get a bigger table, really. It sounds strange, but it really just works itself out."

You nodded. That made sense. You did come down here to find yourself, remember? You wanted to figure yourself out. In order to do so, you had to try new things, and this was definitely new. "Sure."

He broke out into a huge grin. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," you shrugged again, "Why not? Look at me, everyone loves me!" You joked, and he laughed.

"They'll love you!"




You had called Peggy over in a complete crisis. You couldn't figure out what to wear. You were a mess. If they didn't like you, would you still be able to see Herc? How did this even work?

Peggy quickly dressed you in the purple dress Herc had given to you, and she helped you with your makeup.

"What if they don't like me?" You had voiced to her, and she immediately scoffed.

"Don't be so insecure, Y/N! It's not a good look on you!" She swatted your arm. "Don't worry, I've grown up with those idiots. They'll love you! I'm just more worried as to whether you'll love them!"

She had rushed you out the door and to the cab, which whisked you away to Herc's shop. The bell dinged when you entered, and you slowly went up to Herc's living space. You could hear laughter coming from inside, and you blanched. Then, you reminded yourself that if you embarrassed yourself, you could always move back to Britain and never see any of them ever again.

You went inside, quietly shrugging off your jacket and hanging it on the rack. You walked towards the kitchen, where the chatter was coming from.

"-and I accidentally called 'im an 'at mongler because I couldn't remember any good insults in English!" A man with a French accent shouted, and a chorus of laughter erupted.

"Yo, Herc, when's this girl you told us about showing?" Another voice suddenly asked, and you froze.

"Yeah, you talk her up, and then you hide her from us?" Another voice taunted, and you heard someone sigh.

"I didn't want to spook her. I told you about our first meeting! I didn't want to scare her off!" He sighed, and you heard a few of them chuckle. You bit your lip. You felt guilty that he felt like he had to hide his relationship so that you wouldn't run. "Don't come on too strong when she gets here, okay? I don't want her to feel pressured-"

"Herc, if she's as great as you say, she'll accept you as you are. Enough with this nonsense! Let's drink!" One of the guys exclaimed, and a round of shouts joined him. You figured now was the perfect time to enter. You jumped into the room with a shout before you snatched a beer from the counter and threw it back like the rest of them. The shortest one shouted in surprise, then started giggling as you downed the entire can.

When you finished, you put the can down and looked up sheepishly. "Hi, my name's Y/N, and I'm from Britain. How are you?"

Your voice was sweet and shy; it was a sharp contrast to how you'd just introduced yourself. This caused an uproar of laughter, and you watched, half concerned.

"I'm very well tonight, mon ange," a voice finally said, and you looked over at a tall, slender man who leaned against the counter. His curly hair was pulled up into a bun, and he was wearing casual jeans and an American flag hoodie. "'Ercules told us that you were different, but 'e didn't do you justice."

You blushed, suddenly embarrassed by your compulsive actions. "Yeah!" The shortest one added. "I'm Alex, and I'm not one to be surprised, but I didn't see you coming. That was awesome!"

"You mean I didn't horrify you guys?" You inquired shyly, peaking up from beneath your lashes.

"Of course not!" The other one spoke. "I'm John, by the way. Remember it, 'cause you'll be moaning it later tonight-"

"John!" Herc scolded, and he grinned at you like the Cheshire Cat. "Ignore him, he's had too much to drink-"

"Have not!" He argued before he downed another beer, which Alex quickly took from him.

"Anyways," Herc took your hand and led you to the table, which was immaculately set. "Dinner's ready."

Herc brought over a few separate dishes and placed them on the table as the boys joined you. You'd hoped that you'd be seated by Herc, but you found yourself between Lafayette and John. You knew it was Laf because he was the only one with the French accent. That, and Hercules loved to show you cute pictures of his boyfriends.

"So, how'd you meet Herc?" John inquired as you scooped yourself some mashed potatoes.

"Uh, I'm fairly certain Herc already told you that," you muttered, cheeks flailing.

"He did, but I want to hear your side," he smirked up at you, and you passed him the potatoes. The boys all seemed to lean in, ready to hear what you had to say.

"Well, I went by his shop..."




You were somehow surprised when Herc asked you on another date with his boyfriends. The last date hadn't gone horribly wrong, although, you had dropped the bowl of mashed potatoes into John's lap, and he may have jokingly suggested that you clean it up... and not with the napkins. You'd managed to embarrass yourself once again, but they still ended up liking you. Maybe they thought you were just some free entertainment. After the second date as a group, you'd gotten their numbers. John had drunk texted you at two in the morning, mentioning something about bagels. Alex would occasionally send you political memes he found funny. Lafayette would send you cute texts in French. That was probably because you'd gotten a little too drunk the first date, encouraged by John, and had messily spoken basic level French to him.

You'd been on several dates since then, growing more and more comfortable with the boys. Peggy had felt it necessary to wait up in your apartment with wine after every date for the saucy details. She spilled her wine all over the floor most nights from laughing too hard at how clumsy you were.

Tonight was the first night that you were staying over... At the house they shared. Herc had his own space above the shop, sure, but the boys had their own house that Herc usually stayed at, and they'd given you the key.

You hadn't really planned it. The date had just gone really well. You'd left the theatre making out with Lafayette, and John's hands pulling at your jacket as he kissed your neck. Alex and Herc had also locked lips beside you. Herc drove home, his hand resting on Alex's leg, as you continued your hot make out sesh with the other two in the back. Somehow, you made it to the house with most of your outfit in tact. You were quick to move inside, where things got heated, but before you got down to do the dirty, you stopped. You weren't ready to go all the way with five boys... you hadn't even gone all the way with Herc. You were still new to this. You didn't want to screw it up.

"I'm sorry," you had said as you went to grab your coat, but Laf caught your hand.

"Don't be sorry, mon ange," he had purred to you, "We understand, and we don't want you to do anything you aren't ready for. Please, stay the night?"

You bit your lip, but when Laf ran his hands down your shoulders, you were quick to comply.

You had made out with each of them some more, then John had carried you to bed. They didn't pressure you. They just got you a spare tooth brush and some of Alex's clothes to sleep in. They tucked you in and filled in around you. Herc was beside Lafayette, then Alex was next to Laf, and you were between Alex and John. Laf reached over Alex to hold your hand, while Alex ran his fingers through your hair, and John traced patterns on your skin.

"Welcome to the group," Alex whispered before he kissed your forehead, and you smiled.

"We knew you belonged with us from the moment you let loose a battle cry and downed an entire beer," John giggled from behind you before he planted a kiss to your neck.

It had been almost a year since you'd left England, and you could happily say that you had found yourself in these boys. You had found a job that made you happy, people that made you happy, and a version of you that made you happy.

"You complete me."