#i just feel like sebastian deserves friends even if he pretends to hate them

[lusthurts]

This fic I'm working on has made me such a Jeff Sterling stan. Did I invent my own personality for him? Yes. Did I manifest an entire friendship and unique dynamic between him and Sebastian that only existed in canon in the form of background shots? Also yes. Do I care? Not even a little bit

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 13, Uncomfortable - Pt. 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, the last straw, arguing, violence, Sexually Explicit Content Minors: GTFO; I don’t serve your kind here (angry/rough PIV, fingering, degradation kink), memories of past CSA, self harm, Bucky really, really fucks up.

Word Count: 4k

Previously On...: Tony sent you a very expensive apology gift.

A/N: Ya’ll are getting this early! Just one thing to say:

I am so, so sorry.

Coincidentally, this is getting posted on the day I'll be coming home from NoLa, so I'll arrive just in time to hear you all say how much you now hate me. Yay. -_-

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @sashaisready @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @doublejeon @pattiemac1

You weren’t sure how long you sat there, lost in the dark colors, the reflection of the moonlight over the water. The sound of the door opening broke through your thoughts, and you turned to see Bucky shuffle into the room. 

“Hey, sweets,” he said, toeing off his boots.

“Hey,” you said without emotion, turning your face back to  the painting.

“Whacha lookin’ at?” he asked, coming to sit next to you on the couch.

“Apology gift from Tony.”

“What’s he apologizing to you for?” God, you couldn’t even muster up the energy to be angry at him.

“Calling out your unhealthy obsession with Jade in front of the team,” you said, voice flat. 

“I do not have an unhealthy obsession with Vix,” Bucky said, annoyance coloring his words. “How many times do I have to tell you there’s nothing going on between the two of us before you start believing me.” 

“Maybe you should stop telling me there’s nothing and start actually acting like there’s nothing,” you said as you stood up. “Because honestly, I’m tired of hearing your empty words.” You began to walk away, but Bucky reached out and grabbed your arm.

“They aren’t empty, Pocket!” he said. His voice wasn’t loud, but it filled the room as if he’d shouted. “It fucking hurts like hell to hear you say that.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” You couldn’t help the sarcasm that oozed from your voice now. “Your feelings are hurt now, so that changes everything. Let me put aside the pain I’ve been dealing with for months to reassure you.” You yanked your hand free from his grasp. “I’m exhausted, Bucky. Nothing is getting better. In fact, things are getting worse, and I keep pretending that I can be okay with things, but you just keep picking her over me, time and time again. I don’t deserve that. Not from someone who’s supposed to love me.”

“Pick her over you? That’s fucking bullshit and you know it,” he said, voice rising.

“Is it?” you asked him. You pointed to the corner where your overnight bags sat waiting for a trip you’d never take. “Is that bullshit, Bucky? Cause we were supposed to be in the Catskills right now, but because that fucking cunt came crying for you, you went running to her and left me sitting here, alone and forgotten. Again.”

“Pocket,” Bucky ran a hand over the back of his neck, a sure sign you were ruffling him. “She needed someone to support her. She’s not like you– she doesn’t–”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Barnes!” you interrupted, shouting now. “I’m trying to tell you that I’m breaking up with you because of her and you still just stand there and defend her!”

Bucky’s face paled and his eyes went wide. “No,” he said, his voice barely audible.

“What?” You weren’t sure you heard him.

“I said ‘no,’” he said, his voice louder, but still soft. “You're not breakin' up with me. Doll, please. I need you. You said you were gonna fight for us, fight for me. That’s what you said!”

“I’m so tired of fighting for you when you’re off fighting for her! I can’t do this anymore, Bucky,” you practically sobbed. “You are fucking destroying me and feel like you just. don’t. care. I can’t just sit here and let it keep happening. You say you need me, but you’ve made it clear time and time again that you don’t give a shit about what I need. Every time I’ve asked you to put a boundary between you and Carthage, you’ve stomped right over it. And I can’t keep living like this. Yesterday was supposed to be a celebration of one of the greatest accomplishments of my career, and she ruined it.”

“It wasn’t her fault she got bad intel!” Bucky shouted.

“Could you just FUCKING STOP?!” you screamed. “Stop defending her! She either royally fucked up or she set them up on purpose! Those are the only two options! Either way, the entire thing was her fault. Rhodey is unconscious– almost died– because of her! She’s got you so wrapped around her fucking finger that you can’t even see it, and I am SO. GOD. DAMNED. OVER. IT! You promised me you’d make it up to me,” you continued shouting at him. “You fucking promised! But as soon as she bats her lashes, your promises don’t mean shit! You keep making excuses, you keep saying you’re sorry, but you keep doing the same fucking thing over and over again, and the only thing your actions are promising is that she means more to you than I do!”

“That’s not true!” he shouted back at you. “You mean more to me than anything!”

“I don’t fucking believe you!” you screamed, your voice going hoarse.

“I’ll fucking prove it to you!” He grabbed your elbows and pulled you to him, kissing you with such force it would have knocked you over if he hadn’t been holding you up. The moment he broke the kiss for air, you slapped him across the face. Only to immediately kiss him again.

Within seconds, you were ripping at each other’s clothes, desperate to feel one another, skin to skin, your tongues battling against each other as though whomever could dominate the kiss could win your fight. Bucky literally tore your shirt in half before you pushed him down onto your bed. Crawling on top of him, you scratched your nails down his chest, hard enough to draw blood.

Bucky hissed into your mouth, reaching down to yank off his pants and boxer briefs. You hastily pulled them down and off his legs before climbing back up to his mouth. Your kisses were passionate, angry and feral, each of you trying to prove a point to the other. 

You felt both of Bucky’s hands grasp the waistband of your jeans and rip them open, sending the button and zipper teeth flying. “Those were my favorite fucking jeans,” you warned.

“I’ll buy you another pair,” he growled, shoving a hand into your panties and finding your clit. You arched your back as he pinched and rolled it between his fingers, the aggression in his movements igniting your blood. You gasped as he shoved two fingers into you while simultaneously flipping you so you were now on your back and he loomed above you.

He pulled his hand from you, leaving you aching and empty. He kissed you as he divested you of what was left of your jeans and your panties. “Taste yourself,” he said, shoving his fingers into your mouth. You sucked on them, savoring the tang of your essence on his skin. Bucky groaned at the sight before pulling his fingers out and kissing you again. 

“You’re mine,” he growled, grabbing at your breasts and roughly kneading the flesh. “Look at me, Pocket. You’re mine.” You turned your head away, not wanting to meet his eyes, but Bucky would have none of it. Gripping your chin tight enough to leave a bruise, he yanked your head back so you were looking him in the eye. “I said, you’re mine.” He entered you then, the force of it nearly splitting you in half. “You’re mine and I’m fucking yours. Forever.”

He pounded into you as if his very life depended on it, and you clutched at his shoulders for dear life. “God, yes, Bucky,” you cried, all your resolve finally leaving you as the pleasure rose within you. “I’m yours, and you’re mine. Only mine. Only fucking mine!”

With a roar, Bucky picked up one of your legs and draped it over his shoulder, the new angle allowing him to hit you deeper as he drove into you. His thrusts were punishing, as though he were trying to see just how deep he could get himself inside of you before you actually broke in two.

"You like that?" he murmured as he rutted his hips into you.

"Fuck, yes, please, Bucky-- just like that," you moaned. He had you close. So, so close. "Keep going."

"Yeah, I thought so, you dirty slut," he grunted.

"What?" you asked, pulling your head back into the pillow so you could stare at him, wide-eyed as he continued to pound relentlessly into you. His words had taken you aback-- this was not something your loving boyfriend had ever said to you before. You dropped one leg from around his waist and tried to pull the other from his shoulder.

"Knew you loved taking my cock. God, you're such a filthy whore for me."

"Bucky, stop." You pushed gently against his chest, but he was already so far gone to his lust that he didn't seem to hear you.

"Such a good fucktoy for me," he grunted, his pace quickening as he neared his release. You felt your breath coming hard and fast now, but not from your impending climax, which had died with his words, but from an oncoming anxiety attack. “You goin’ dumb on me already, like a good little cockslut?”

Flashes of your miserable childhood flickered through your head, the way Darren would call you his "good little money-making whore" after you'd been raped by yet another of his clients, or when he decided to violate you himself, calling you his own personal slut, his special fuck toy.

"Bucky," you shouted, punching him with your fists, desperate now to get him off you, out of you. "Stop! Get off of me! GET OFF OF ME!" You screamed, thrashing at him. You saw the moment your words registered-- his eyes lost their haze of lust and his hips stopped pumping into you.

"Doll?" he asked, looking down on you in confusion. "What's wr--"

"Get off me, get off me, get off me!" you shrieked as you rolled out from under him, your entire body suddenly on fire with shame and disgust. The second your feet hit your bedroom floor, you were reaching for your silk robe, wrapping yourself in it as though the thin fabric could protect you from his words. From him.

"Pocket," Bucky watched your movements, his eyes betraying his bewilderment at your actions. "What's going on? What did I do?"

"Why would you call me that?" you asked, your words coming out in between your desperate gasps for air. "Why would you say those things?"

Bucky sat up, reaching for you, but you moved away from him. "Baby, what things? What did I s--" Realization dawned on him then, and his entire face fell. "Shit. Oh, God. Oh, Pocket. Sweetheart, I am so sorry. I didn't think--"

"Why would you say that, Bucky?" you asked, fighting back the tears that so desperately wanted to break free. "You've never called me a-a-..." you couldn't even get the word out. "How could you do that?"

"Fuck, Baby..." Bucky began, running his hands through his hair in response to your distress, "I never... I thought you'd like it. I should have realized, after Darren..."

"Don't say his name!" You hadn't meant to shout at him, but you were damned if you were going to invite the ghost of your tormentor into the sanctuary of your room. "Please," you cried, "don't say his name."

Bucky got up and tried to wrap his arms around you, but you pulled away, feeling too vile, too dirty, to even let him touch you.

"Sweetheart, please," he began, reaching for you again, "you're shaking. Let me hold you." You shook your head as you moved away from him yet again, trying to steady yourself.

"Where did that even come from, Bucky? Why would you think... What would even make you think that was something I would want?"

Bucky's hand went to rub the back of his neck as he looked up at you from behind his lashes. "I... I heard girls... like that sort of thing. That it turns them on."

"You can't just start it out of nowhere," you cried, "It's something you need to agree on first! You can't just say it without making sure your partner's okay with it! And I can't believe you'd ever think I would be okay with it! God, who even told you that?" You couldn't imagine any of Bucky's friends saying something like that to him; hell, Steve would have a coronary before even suggesting it. Did he read about it in some degrading kink group online?

"I was talking to Vix, and she said--"

"You what?" you spun to face him, your words sharp in your shock.

"Vixen. Jade. I was talking to her during training one time and she said girls like it when guys talk to them like that during sex. Well, she said she likes it. Said it, uh, turns her on."

Your entire body froze as if you'd been doused with ice water. "You were talking to Jade Carthage about sex and what gets her off." Your voice was hard and clipped. It wasn't even a question, just a statement that made your stomach twist, but you had to make sure you had understood him correctly.

"Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bad," Bucky hemmed, "but sweets, I swear, it wasn't like that."

You called for FRIDAY to turn up the lights, no longer wanting to be trapped in the intimacy of the semi-darkness with him.

"It wasn't like that? Then please enlighten me, Bucky, what was it like? Jesus, how did you two even stumble into that conversation in the first place?"

"Baby," Bucky looked frantic as he grabbed his boxer briefs from the floor and tugged them back on, "I don't even remember how we got on the subject. We were sparring and I pinned her and--"

"You had a conversation about sex while you were lying on fucking top of her?" You could barely contain your rage; you were seething, about to vibrate out of your skin with revulsion.

"Honey, it's not that big of a deal, really."

"Not that big of a deal?" you asked, knowing you were about to tread into some very dangerous territory, but needing him to understand you. "So, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I let Steve get on top of me and had him tell me what gets him hard? What makes him come?"

Bucky's jaw tightened immediately at the mention of Steve. "Don't," he growled. "Do not bring him into this. It's completely different."

"It's not, Bucky! It's a thousand times worse! God," you threw your arms above your head as you began to pace in front of your bed. "I can't tell if you're actually this naive or if you think I'm fucking stupid."

"I don't think you're stupid, Pocket," Bucky's voice was quieter now, more restrained. "I... God, I just messed up. I'm an idiot. I didn't think it through and..." He trailed off and slumped onto the edge of the bed, his hands pushed into his hair as he stared down at the floor.

You could see his muscles craving to pull you back into his arms, but he resisted. His eyes flickered to you before darting away again, like looking at you caused him physical pain.

"Do you want to sleep with her? Were you imagining her while you were fucking me?" It was a reckless question to ask--a question that you didn’t want the answer to--but it slipped out before you could stop it.

Bucky's head whipped up, his eyes wide with shock as he stared at you. "What? No!" He stood abruptly, hands outstretched towards you. "Baby, no! God, no! I would never... I can't even believe you'd think... Don't even talk like that."

"But you took her kinks, her turn ons, and you brought them into our bed. You spoke words you knew another woman-- a woman you know I fucking loathe-- wanted to hear, you... you used them on me, knowing my history, and you didn't give a shit about what saying them might do to me!" Your voice was trembling with accusation, your body shaking with tremors of hurt and betrayal.

"No! No, sweetheart... it wasn't like that." He kept repeating himself, his words rushed, his face pale with shock and regret. "I didn't mean to disrespect you like that. I heard her say it and I thought... I mean, she's a woman too, right? So, if she liked it, I thought maybe you..." He trailed off, his expression one of sheer desperation as he tried to find the right words.

"But I'm not her. It wasn’t about pleasing me; it was about using what pleases her." You shook your head harshly, a lump forming in your throat. "You don't even see how wrong that is. And you shouldn't even have been having the conversation with her in the fucking first place!"

"What can I do?" Bucky pleaded, his voice a strained whisper as he raked his fingers through his hair again. His face was etched with pain, regret seeping from every pore of him. "How can I fix this? Tell me how to make it right."

But you were too overcome by anger and heartbreak to think straight. You moved further away from him, wrapping your arms around yourself as if you were trying to shield your heart from further damage.

“What did you tell her?” you asked, but Bucky looked at you with confusion etched across his face. “You said it was a conversation. I’m assuming she didn’t do all the talking. What did you talk about? Did you tell her what gets you off? What you like? Were you sharing intimate details about our sex life with a complete outsider? Did you tell her about your ‘sergeant’ kink?”

He didn’t need to speak for you to read the truth in the expression on his face.

The silence hung in the room, heavy and oppressive, as Bucky fought for words. A nerve twitched in his jaw, the only movement in his otherwise frozen face. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, he finally spoke.

"I... Yes, I did," he admitted, his voice a mere whisper. "I didn't think it through. I didn't mean to... I just..."

His voice trailed off again and he sunk back onto the bed, looking completely defeated. His hands covered his face as if he were desperate to hide himself from your accusing gaze.

“Get out.” You couldn’t even stand to look at him. This was a betrayal beyond anything you’d ever have expected from him. 

Bucky’s head snapped up at your words, his eyes wide with shock. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He just sat there on the edge of the bed, staring at you as though he was seeing you for the first time.

"Get out," you repeated, each word a dagger. "I can't... I can't stand to even look at you right now."

Still, Bucky didn’t move. He just sat there in stunned silence, his face pale and his eyes filled with regret.

"I said get out!" Your voice was shrill, filling the room with a chilling echo that seemed to reverberate through every fiber of your being.

Bucky flinched at your tone, and finally roused himself to his feet. He looked at you one last time, his steel-blue eyes so full of pain that it made your heart ache despite everything. For a moment, it seemed like he might say something else, like he might try to explain, but you’d had enough of his ‘explanations’ for the evening. Hell, maybe for the rest of your life.

Bucky swallowed hard, his eyes filling with a mixture of fear and dread as he nodded slowly. "Okay... yeah," he stammered. "I'll give you some space."

“No. I can’t do this anymore. I’m done, Bucky. This… this is unforgivable. We’re finished.”

"Doll," he breathed, the pet name he had given you sounding like a prayer on his lips, but a curse to your ears. "I love you... I'm sorry. I messed up, I know. But I love you."

“I don’t believe you.” You felt like your heart was being ripped apart as you watched him standing there, consumed by remorse. You had never seen him like this before, his usual charismatic confidence replaced with fearful uncertainty.

“Just go,” you whispered, turning away so you wouldn't have to see the pain in his eyes. You felt a sob rising in your throat, but you held it back, refusing to let it out while he was still there.

With every inch of him screaming resistance, Bucky walked over to the door and hesitated at the threshold. "I'll... I'll do anything to make this right, sweetheart," he promised, his voice choked with emotion. "I'll fix this... We can fix this."

But you remained silent, your back still turned to him as you tried desperately to keep your tears at bay. The sound of the door opening and closing behind him was deafening in its finality.

You wrapped your arms around yourself tighter, suddenly feeling cold. The room was suddenly too big, too empty without Bucky's reassuring presence. You sunk onto the bed, burying your head in your hands as the events of the night washed over you with overwhelming force as you began to sob in earnest.

You weren't even sure what you were angriest about. He’d broken yet another promise and left you waiting, your romantic getaway forgotten so he could be by her side. He'd called you a slut and a whore. He’d discussed your sex life with Jade-- the one woman you hated above all others, and openly discussed her kinks with her, and his own desires in return. He'd forced her kinks on you without your consent.

And then there was the worst part of it all, the bit that made you feel sick and hollow: he'd failed to see what he'd done wrong.

You had thought Bucky knew you better, that he respected you more than this. You'd shared secrets and fears with him, things you'd never shared with anyone else, not even Tony. He knew your past, knew how much trust meant to you - knew how difficult it had been for you to open your vulnerabilities up to something more than just casual sex - and yet he'd violated that trust in such a profound way.

This was just beyond anything else that had come before it. You couldn’t see a way to move forward after this.

Numbly, you began to strip off the sheets from the bed, your hands shaking as you balled them up and threw them into a corner of the room. You couldn't sleep on them now, nor ever again. You couldn't bear the thought of lying down where he'd... where he'd...

Tears started to spill down your cheeks as the reality of what had happened set in. You tried to blink them away, tried to swallow down the lump in your throat. But it was too late. Tears blinded you as you moved through your space on muscle memory alone, grabbing a garbage bag from under the sink in the kitchenette and shoving the offending sheets into it to dispose of later. Boiling them in chlorine wouldn't be able to relieve them of the taint they now carried.

Once the offending sheets were securely bagged and out of sight, you stumbled your way into the bathroom. Turning the shower on as hot as it would go, you stripped from your robe and stepped under the scalding stream from the waterfall shower head.

Hissing as the water hit your body, you let yourself succumb to your emotions. You reached for your loofah and began scrubbing at your skin, doing everything in your power to wash away the intense feeling of shame that had permeated deep under your dermis. You scrubbed until your skin was red, until it was raw and cracked and bleeding, but it offered you no relief.

The sensations were familiar, the burning heat, the stinging of newly torn flesh. It had been so long since you had felt the need to ritually cleanse yourself like this, you had desperately hoped you'd finally found yourself beyond the need to do so, but just a few words from Bucky's mouth had sent you reeling backwards, back to being that worthless, vile, used up girl that no number of college degrees, fancy company titles, or board-approved computer programs could fully erase. It was in your DNA, and you couldn't escape it. You scrubbed and scrubbed until time had lost meaning.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[darlingdesiredelicious]

"Then why DON'T you hate me? Are you so... delusional that you believe I can be anything like the person I was when I was manipulating you?" It makes it all the more frustrating that Sebastian simply cannot move on from him, and despise him like everyone else. Fighting with him and letting him get a couple of deserved licks in made far more sense than... whatever this was.

"Listen... nothing you suggested will help you, Sebastian. You must learn to hate me, and then you must seek as best a life for yourself as possible. Mayhap I am simply bringing ruin to your life again... mayhap it would be best if you and I never saw each other again. I was a fool to show my face. It's... making this messier." And he liked messes... when they didn't involve himself.

"You never had to be... nice." Nice was oversimplifying it, really. "You never- Why did you put in all the effort? I mean... unless you were playing with your food? I don't understand it." He huffed. "It wasn't as though I was the only person there. It was The Mermaid for hells' sake. I wasn't even drunk when you found me. I wasn't the only person who came alone- I was stupid, but there were easier targets, surely?"

"You didn't have to be patient. Was it a challenge? Was that fun? You act as though kindness is as bad for you as the sun is. Like it makes you ill. You took my virginity. All of it, in a night, and you were... so good to me... and if I caught you in your own mind, I stopped everything, because it wasn't fun if you weren't really... there..." The more he thought about it, the more he worried his conclusion was falling apart. Still, Astarion must've been miserable trying to court him. At any point, he could've changed targets. Maybe Astarion wouldn't have even been remembered in all the chaos of the night. So, why didn't he get bored? Why didn't he get frustrated? Sebastian may have been naive and awful with people, but he had a keen sense for realizing, at least, if someone was upset and needed a friend.

"This isn't a game to me, Astarion. I'm not like you. My feelings are real and I can't paint over them like you can. Things like love and hate are not just things you can will yourself into feeling. Not for me, anyway. I-" Oh. Oh no, he said it. The word...

"Forget I said anything. Everyone else had different stories about you, shorter ones, crueler ones. The way mine felt like a perfect fairytale- and it wasn't really perfect. The times we had to slow down. The times you had to coach me through. Even right now, you're trying to help me, aren't you? At what point does it stop being for pretend?"

"I could pretend to hate you for years and years and decades, and it never becomes real. I guess it's different for you. Maybe you can trick yourself. Maybe you can care about someone for as long as you need to, and then destroy that part of you forever when you don't."

"You... remembered my name..." He took a shaky breath. "Thousands of people- You remembered me..."

[angeli-marco-writes]

Hi there! Congratz on 200 followers! I came across your T-Swift post and I couldn’t resist! Could you do “Don’t You” with Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, or Tom Hiddleston? I’ll leave it up to you (: please and thank you!

A/N - Thanks for the request! I chose Tom Hiddleston... I think he fits this really well. I hope you enjoy :) I do not know Tom Hiddleston, nor do I claim to. I don't own the song lyrics used, all credits to owners.

Warnings - none.

My heart stops when I see him. The steady beat halts, no longer pumping, and yet blood still roars in my ears. After all this time, and I see him here... I knew I'd run into him somewhere, I just wasn't expecting this. I’m staring, I realise after a moment, and I don’t mean to, but it’s been a while. A long while.

I sling my bag over my shoulder and shutter the tears from my eyes, repeating two words to myself like a mantra, “Don’t you,” a warning to myself and to him. I’m out on the promenade a moment later, cold air hitting me like a brick wall and finally allowing fresh air into my aching lungs.

That's when his cologne hits me and I feel the familiar weight of his hand on my shoulder, the warmth seeping into my body, my rigidity melting, rendering me helpless to whatever he may say.

"Y/n?" A smile breaks over his face. "Are you okay, darling? How have you been?"

The platonic 'darling' breaks my heart a little more... But God, his voice is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. Tom's signature woody cologne infects my senses, and has my knees trembling. The worst thing about this is the beautiful new piece on his arm, legs to her armpits and effortlessly windswept blonde hair. I heard she's nothing like me, and this is just the picture perfect proof.

"Yeah! I'm great. Sorry, didn't see you there," I respond sheepishly, instinctively scratching the back of my neck.

"Yeah, of course. I just saw you hurry out and, you know..." he trails off, "but this is my partner, Lauren."

"Hey," she beams at me, a faux-saccharine quality to her voice.

"Lovely to meet you," I say, and turn to Tom, "I'm sure she'll make you happy."

His smile dims, the stars in his eyes fading along with my melancholy words. Good, I think. You deserve this.

"So how did the two of you meet?"

"It's a really funny story, actually. So I was back in Cambridge..." he starts.

I'm not listening, too lost in my own thoughts. I'm not even sure why I asked, other than basic courtesy.

Sometimes, I really wish that I could hate him. It'd make my life a damn sight easier, because then my chest wouldn't feel like someone was taking a sledgehammer to it every minute he pops back into my thoughts, curly auburn hair and glasses and pretty jumpers all combined. I've tried to hate him, I've really tried, but that's something I can't do.

My heart knows what the truth is.

"That's lovely," I tell them, offering them a forced smile, "I must be getting off though."

Don't you smile at me and ask me how I've been.

"Yes! Us too," Lauren says, "it was nice to meet you."

"You too."

"We'll have to meet up soon," Tom says.

"Yeah, sure. Just text me," I say, and take one last look at him, at the angles of his face, the soft smile that always seems to grace his lips, his eyes so full of life, his tall stature... I remember him as though I'll never see him again.

"I've missed you," he tells me.

Don't tell me you've missed me if you don't want me again, I want to scream at him. You don't know how much I feel I love you too. But he won't feel the same, not anymore, so I keep my mouth shut, and nod faintly.

With tears in my eyes, I walk out of here tonight, try and go on with my life—the one that'll never be the same without him in it.

"Y/N," he calls after me, and the next moment, I can feel his calloused fingertips working their way into my clenched fist. "We're still friends, right?"

I nod mutely, not trusting my own voice with my throat in turmoil, because I won't want to pretend. We can never be friends.

"I know you," he implores before I can turn away, "tell me what's wrong, please."

Before I can help myself or bite my tongue, I'm blurting the words out and setting the tears free, alleviating the ache in my heart with eight simple words. I swore I wouldn't do this.

"I love you, still. So why don't you?"

[piratewithvigor]

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool 

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously. 

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged. 

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Quarantine: A Love Story{1}

Chris Evans x Reader Mini Series

Warning: Cursing, Plot, Angst, Tiny Bit of Slow Burn

Words: 4.9k

Note: Okay, so this ask/request came in and I was all prepped to write it as a one shot, but I had so many separate ideas that sprang to mind for it and from it. As of right now, I am going to play this one by ear. Hell, I might just keep writing it as long as we’re all in our quarantine/self-isolation. So, it might be one part every week, or I might change it. I honestly have no idea, so let’s start with calling it a mini-series and see where it goes. Thank you anon for the request, hope it’s cool I tweak, twist and stretch this out. I hope you guys enjoy this. Thank you for reading as always!!! ❤️❤️ 

***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

~~~~~~~~~~~

-Pre-Quarantine, Friendmas, December 2019-

  “Hey, hey, hey Y/N in the house!”

 You rounded the corner with two bottles in hand. Once everyone saw you, they began cheering. Most of them rushed you, pulling you in for hugs and kisses. You smiled and chatted with them all.

“You look great!” Tara shouted above the music as she admired your skirt, thigh high stockings and ankle boots.

 “Thank you, Tara,” you squealed while giving her air kisses. “I come bearing the gift of alcohol!!” Those near you cheered their approval.

 You walked further inside the room that was lite up with Christmas lights. December twenty-fourth and fifth were for the families but December twenty-sixth was for the friends. This was the third annual Friendmas celebration, the day your group of friends got together to open presents, eat, drink and be merry.

 From the corner of your eye you saw Scott’s brother, Chris. He was sitting by the Christmas tree nursing a beer and staring at the lights as they danced. Your eyes scanned his body and took in his outfit. He always dressed so damn fresh and his hair was always perfect. Chris looked away from the tree over to you and you saw his jaw clench tightly. Nervousness overtook you and you took a breath. He sure could be intimidating, you thought. Chris’ eyes lingered on you for a few more moments. Just when you’d built up the nerve to go over to him, he looked away and back to the Christmas tree. So much for that, you thought.

From a few months after meeting him through Scott and interacting in the group of friends that he was included in you could have sworn he hated you. When you spoke he was always short with his responses. They were either one word or dull. When he looked at you it wasn’t for more than a few seconds and every time he looked at you his jaw was always clenched as if the mere sight of you pissed him off worse than his role in Not Another Teen Movie. You couldn’t understand it.

 “You okay?” Scott placed his hand on your shoulder as he stood beside you. You looked from Chris and to Scott with a wistful smile before you answered.

 “Yeah. Let’s eat,” you responded before walking off.

 Friendmas was a hit. The food was delicious, the conversation was fun, the presents were great. Everyone had a good time and that included Chris from the looks of him as he interacted with your friends. He spoke to everyone, well everyone but you. He always looked happy, well that was until he looked your way. He even danced with quite a few people, excluding you. You tried not to feel offended but deep down you were. You didn’t know why he hated you.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~

 -Pre-Quarantine, New Year’s Eve, January 2020-

  You were dressed to kill and more than ready to show just what a fine piece of ass you were. After climbing out of the Lyft your phone rang.

 “Hello?”

 “Y/N, where are you? You’re going to miss countdown,” Scott shouted into your ear.

 “Scott it’s not even eleven forty-five. I’m outside, I just got out of the car.”

“Finally, give them the code and they’ll let you in.”

 You walked to the four security guards. All of them turned and gave you the once over.

 “Diplomatic Relations.” It made you feel half like a loser and half like a spy. The guards nodded, opened the door for you and allowed you to pass.

 Once you walked inside you handed off your coat to the girl there that was checking them and stepped to the railing to watch what was happening down below. The space was filled with those who made it to Boston for Chris’ New Years Eve Bash. You recognized a few of his celebrity friends, men and women alike. Everyone was dressed to the nines and definitely cutting lose. From the top of the balcony you saw where Scott was. Just behind him was Chris sitting with Tara, nursing another drink. He looked up and looked at you. His eyes slowly raked over your body. From where you were standing you couldn’t make out the expression on his face. When his eyes met yours again you could make out the clench of his jaw.

 “You’ve got to be kidding me.” You felt your phone go off and checked it.

 MSG Scott: If you’ve posed long enough then maybe come down here where we are. Only if you’ve posed like Cleopatra long enough.

 You snorted and rolled your eyes. Scott always had the flair for the dramatic, maybe that was why you became such good friends so fast after reconnecting almost two years ago. Slowly you walked down the steps and made your way through the crowd. Before you got to your friends a hand gripped your wrist turning you to them. You came face to face with Sebastian Stan. He had a smile on his face, but even under the ever changing over head lights you could tell he’d had a lot to drink.

 “It’s Y/N, right?”

 “That’s right.”

 He smiled as he nodded and gave you a quick once over. “Wow, what an outfit.”

 “You like it?” You spun around to give him the full view. He smiled and rubbed his jaw as he gawked at you.

 “I like it very much. I can see why he’s so conflicted,” Sebastian muttered. You barely caught it but you caught it.

 “Excuse me? What? Who?”

 Sebastian only smiled before he zipped his lips and walked away disappearing in the crowd. You were confused by what he meant and not sure you’d even heard him right. Over the music you heard your name being shouted and you turned to continue your path to your friends. Once in the VIP are they were you greeted them all with hugs and cheek kisses. When you got to Chris he gave you a quick shoulder hug as you pressed your cheek to his. When you did that you could have sworn you heard a groan before he pulled away and sat back down. It sounded as if he was disgusted, or in pain.

 “You look hot, Y/N.” Scott’s partner complimented.

 “Thank you!”

 “He’s right, girl that dress is going to be the talk of the night,” Tara slid in. You smiled and laughed feeling embarrassment flush you.

 “Don’t be embarrassed. Embrace it, you’re hot! Right Chris,” Scott pressed further. Chris looked away from the crowd and back to you as if he hadn’t been listening.

 “What?”

 “Y/N, she’s hot right!” Scott’s partner had a wide smile on his face as he stood there expectantly. Chris looked at you and quickly looked over your outfit. You saw the scrunch of his nose, the clench of his jaw and the look that washed across his face as if he tasted something sour or rancid.

 “Eh, I guess.” With that he walked away and disappeared in the crowd. You stood there stunned. He’d managed to diss you while agreeing to a compliment. You were stunned.

 The remainder of the night was spent with you drinking way more than you should have and dancing like you had no worries. Every song that played you danced to. You didn’t care if it was Hip Hop, R&B, Pop or Country. As long as the beat was good you could twerk to it. No matter where you were in the room you could see Chris and every time you looked at him you felt salty and that salty feeling fueled your party marathon. You refused to pay him any attention, no matter how many girls he flirted with and no matter how frisky that got. You pretended not to care but for some reason, you cared the ball in the pit of your stomach said you did.

 By the time the countdown hit you were more than a little lit. You shouted down numbers beside your friends and a drink in hand ready to toast to the new year.

 “Five, Four, Three, Two, One! Happy New Year! Woooooooo!”

 You threw your hands in the air and cheered along with everyone else. Those who were there with partners kissed and embraced. You knocked back your drink and turned to go to the bar for another. You raised your glass as you got there and slid onto the stool. It was cold under your thighs thanks to your short skirt, but you didn’t mind. A few feet away you saw Chris and Sebastian talking. You rolled your eyes, crossed your legs and turned away as you waited for your drink. After a few seconds you could feel his eyes on you and it made you more than a little uneasy.

 “I’ve been watching you all night. I couldn’t help but notice you didn’t get a new year’s kiss.” You looked to you right and took in the tall brown skinned hottie before you. He looked familiar but you couldn’t tell where you’d seen him from.

 “What’s it to you?” He smiled and you saw the dimples in his cheeks and you couldn’t help but smile.

 “It’s bad luck to go into the new year without a kiss,” he informed. That was a pretty good line, you thought.

 “Let me guess, you’d like to give me the good luck I so deserve.” He opened his arms and shrugged giving you an even better view. He was muscular and dressed nicely. You thought about his offer and found no reason against it.

 “I prefer to know the name of men I put my lips on.” Again, he smiled then licked his lips.

 “Charles.”

 “Let’s see what luck you bring Charles.”

 You turned to him and uncrossed your legs giving him a slim opening to come closer. When Charles stepped into the space you gave he bent and claimed your lips. What started as a sweet, innocent kiss quickly took off once you released he could kiss. Charles placed his hand on your exposed thigh and teased your tongue. Holy shit, you thought.

 Before the kiss ended, Charles nibbled your bottom lip then pulled back. You were utterly stunned. He was literally tall, dark and handsome and could kiss like no one’s business. When you looked at him again he smirked telling you he knew just what a quadruple threat he was.

 “So tell me, what kind of luck did I bring?”

 “The best kind, but I might need more to carry me through the year.” He smiled and nodded. From behind him you saw Sebastian and Chris watching. The look on Chris’ face was one that was not amused. His jaw was clenched and eyes steely cold. You didn’t think anything of it though. After downing your drunk, you nodded to Charles as you stood and walked away.

 You rang in New Year’s with a bang that night, courtesy of Charles.

  -Pre-Quarantine, Valentine’s Day-AKA: Single’s Awareness Day, February 2020-

  “Cheers!”

 Everyone hit their glasses together before they downed their drinks. After you finished the remainder of the dessert before you. You moaned loving the taste of caramel and the fruity flavors. Once the plate was empty you licked the fork clean.

 “Uh, really Y/N?” You realized all eyes were on you.

 “What!?”

 “It’s done,” Scott declared.

 “I know, it’s just so damn good.”

 “Or maybe you were imagining it was something else,” Scott teased. Your jaw dropped and everyone around you broke out in squeals and chuckles.

 “Wow Scott, just wow.” You reached for the bottle of champagne and refilled your glass.

 “What? I didn’t say anything wrong. Why are you even here? It’s called single’s awareness day. You’re not even single.”

 “Says the man who’s booed up as he speaks,” you countered giving him a cocky look.

 “Where is your boyfriend?”

 “He is not my boyfriend thank you very much.”

 “Oh so the fact that he’s been hanging around since New Years and you see him almost every weekend at your place and you going to his place in New York to get the D just doesn’t mean anything?” Your eyes bugged out. He really just shouted you out.

 “Wow Scott, just spill all the tea.” You stood and began to walk away.

 “I didn’t even spill a fifth of the tea. I can definitely spill more, like the fact he sends you flowers every other day with a note complimenting something about you. Or even the fact that he treats you like a queen, or what about the fact that he stays down south until you’ve come at least three times?”

 You gasped and turned to Scott with wide eyes. You were surprised he was spilling all your business. Everyone else was overjoyed, you could tell from their excited giggles and claps. From behind him, you saw Chris still at the table drinking champagne. He looked annoyed but you couldn’t really tell because all you had was a side profile.

 “Okay Scott enough tea.”

 “No, spill some more,” Tara encouraged.

 “You are not even right, T.” Everyone laughed as you sat in front of the TV more than ready to watch the movie.

 “Can we watch this movie already and stop talking about my personal life?”

 Chris approached the group one hand holding a fresh bottle of champagne and the other his glass.

 “Yes can we? We didn’t come here to hear how Y/N is getting some rando’s D,” Chris muttered as he took a seat. For some reason the way he said that rubbed you the wrong way, but you didn’t reply.

 The movie was some rom/com that wasn’t half bad but completely cliché. Usually the group of you took joy in mocking it. It was tradition. This year was no different, you all laughed and cringed at the movie. Every time you looked at Chris he was silent, he wasn’t bashing or laughing, he looked as if he were miles away wrapped up in his thoughts. When you managed to look away and back to the movie your eyes always found their way back to Chris. On one glance your eyes met and for a second you thought he looked sad, but you couldn’t understand why. As quickly as the look appeared, it disappeared before he looked away and clenched his jaw. You wanted to throw the bowl of popcorn you held. You were tired of it, so you got up and began cleaning up. It wasn’t your house, but you didn’t care, cleaning helped distract you.

 “What’re you doing?”

 “Why does your brother hate me?” It popped out, you didn’t mean to ask it.

 “What? He doesn’t hate you,” Scott corrected.

 “Uh, yeah he does. Have you not noticed?”

 “Y/N, Chris doesn’t hate you. Why would he hate you?”

 “I don’t know, he doesn’t even know me. I’ve never done anything to him,” you explained.

 “Exactly, so why?”

 “Who knows. All I know is I get the vibe he doesn’t like me. Remember his comment New Years?”

 “I’ve told you, you’re reading way too much into it. He was drunk.”

 Scott continued to protest and shoot down every exhibit you pointed to in order to show his brother didn’t like you. He offered a reasonable explanation to everything you said. By the end of the debate, you were still uneasy. It really was bugging you. From the corner of your eye you saw Chris looking over with a blank look on his face then he abruptly stood and walked off.

  -March 2020, 11:00AM-

 MSG Scott: Where are you?

MSG: Home.

MSG Scott: Why aren’t you on your way over here?

MSG: I told you Scott, I’m not coming.

MSG Scott: What! Of course you are, this is serious. People are dying.

MSG: I know it’s serious Scott. I am good where I am.

MSG Scott: Come on, it won’t be the same without you.

MSG: It’ll be fine. We’ll text and you have your boo with you.

MSG Scott: So bring Charles, the more the merrier.

MSG: Charles is stuck in New York. He said he doesn’t want to put me at risk since he thinks he’s been exposed.

MSG Scott: So you’re going to quarantine alone?

MSG: Yep. I’m gonna take a nap, later.

 You were serious. You were not leaving your house. This virus was no joke. You tried to fall asleep but every few minutes you tossed and turned. No matter how you tried, you just couldn’t find a comfortable spot. Ten minutes later you were still tossing and turning and about to give up all together. You heard your doorbell and a bang at the door. You tried to ignore it but the ringing soon became obnoxious and persistent. Rolling your eyes you flung the covers off of you and stomped downstairs. When you opened the door there was Scott.

 “Pack your stuff come on,” he said barging inside.

 “Scott, what are you doing here?”

 “You’re coming, there’s nothing to debate.”

 “What!? No, I told you. I am not going.”

 “Y/N, you know for mental health purposes, it’s better if you weren’t alone. We’re all going to be together there, it’s a good distance away from the hustle of the city, it’ll be good. He has enough room. Let’s go.”

 “Scott no. He doesn’t like me. Why would I encroach where I am not wanted?”

 “Oh my god, he brought up if you weren’t coming. He’s why I’m here.”

 That shocked you and had you looking confused as fuck. “What do you mean?”

 “He sent me to get you.”

 You couldn’t believe that. “You’re lying.”

 “No. I swear. Can we stop wasting time? We have a lot to get done before that curfew goes into effect.”

 Scott walked away and began walking to your bedroom as you stood there still shocked. You couldn’t believe he’d invited you and sent Scott to get you. What game was he playing? Was this pity? Was it him playing nice because of the seriousness of the pandemic? You didn’t know.

 After an hour of packing as if the world would end, you and Scott piled your bags into the car and went on your way. The drive to Chris’ house close to the shore was insane. People were acting as if this was the end of days. You saw more than a handful of people carrying an obscene amount of toilet paper. It never seized to amaze you the ability of humankind to spin out of control in the face of uncertainty. After forty minutes, you arrived to Chris’ house and dropped off your bags before you were off again, this time for groceries and supplies.

  -Six Hours Later-

  “So—what’s the plan?”

 “Quarantine and chill,” Scott blurted out. His partner cheered from inside the house.

 “I cannot with the two of you,” you said while rolling your eyes. You continued to pack away the mountain of groceries that the three of you’d bought over the last six hours. Or should you say fought for over the last six hours.

 “I can’t believe what’s going on, this is insane,” you added. Scott and Zach both nodded.

 In a matter of weeks the world and its operations had been turned upside down. The state of Massachusetts was now on quarantine and ordered inside for isolation in order to slow the spread of the virus.

 “So quarantine and chill with the Evans’,” you announced.

 “Why do you sound so scared? My mom loves you.”

 “I know, just—are you sure this isn’t weird?” Scott and Zach looked at each other obviously confused.

 “It’s not weird. You’re being weird.”

 Before you could respond a few cars rolled up the graveled driveway and parked. Out of the cars bounded adults, children and Dodger. Dodger ran to you and leapt up to you. Happily you dropped to your knees to scratch behind his ear and give him the nuzzles he deserved.

 “Hi Dodger, oh who’s a good boy. You are, yes you are!” Dodger excitedly licked over your face making you giggle. He was the cutest thing.Thanks to the lengthy amounts of time Chris worked, Scott was the one to watch Dodger most times and you’d formed a close bond because of how much time you spent with Scott.

 When you looked up there Chris stood holding several bags with a soft smile on his lips.

 “Hey, you made it.” His voice was low and gruff.

 “Uh, hi, yeah.” Chris nodded and walked inside. Like the obedient boy he was Dodger scurried in behind him.

 “Y/N.” You spun around and saw Chris and Scott’s mother, Lisa. Your smile was wide as you stood to face her.

 “It’s great to see you sweetheart. I’m so glad you came.” She hugged you tightly. It was a hug only a mother could give.

 “Yes, I’m here.”

 “We’re glad. How successful were you guys at the store? It was a madhouse for us,” Carly said.

 “Oh my god it was insane. We literally almost had a fight in the liquor store,” you responded.

 “By we, she means her,” Zach blurted out.

 “There was some guy trying to take the last case of whiskey.”

 “Oh please tell me he wasn’t successful,” Shana’s boyfriend groaned.

 “Nope. I grabbed it, ran to the register and guarded it with my life.”

 They all rang out in laughter. They thought you were kidding, you weren’t.

 “Thank god for that, but we’d rather have you over the whiskey,” Lisa expressed with a rub to your back before she walked inside. As Shana and Carly passed they kissed your cheek and as the kids ran by they each gave you a quick hug.

 The next hour or so was spent bringing in a ludicrous amount of food from the cars to then thoroughly wipe off with Clorox and Lysol wipes to then bring into the house for packing out. When you thought about it, there were quite a few mouths to feed so the amount of food made sense. Chris busied himself with Dodger and the kids in the back. You could hear the happy screams and laughter and it made you smile. Every time you’d seen him in uncle mode it warmed your heart. He was good with kids. He’d make a good dad one day, you thought.

 Once you finished everyone scattered to find their rooms. They all knew where they were going to be but you had no clue. Slowly you wandered peeking into different rooms trying to find where your bags were. Every room you went into you found someone from the Evans clan and your bags missing. After checking the last room in sight and coming up empty, you sighed and stood there.

 “Lost?” Before you turned you expected him to have a frown on his face with his jaw clenched. When you turned you were only half right, the frown was missing.

 “Uh, no, maybe. I um—I was trying to find my bags. Scott and I dropped them off before we went shopping.”

 Chris nodded. “Yeah, I saw them and moved them to your room.”

 “Oh, okay. Uh, can you point me to it?” Chris didn’t speak right away instead his jaws clenched and unclenched a few times before he flared his nose.

 “I’ll show you,” he said just before he turned and began walking.

 “You don’t have to. You can just tell me. I’m sure I can find it.”

 “You’re a guest, what kind of host would I be if I just pointed and made you find it. Come on, I’ll show you.” He continued walking down the hall leading you down the stairs. Glumly you followed behind him as he led you god knows where. When he walked through the downstairs to the back of the house you began to wonder just where he put you. He probably put me in the shed, you thought.

 Chris opened the French doors at the back of the house and walked out toward the pool. After a few moments the pool house came into view. It was more like a mini version of the big house. Chris walked around the pool and to the doors. When he opened it he held it open for you to walk in first.

 When you did it was the perfectly decorated seaside cottage. It was bathed in periwinkle and cool whites with the hint of straw. The first thought was who’d decorated it and if it was a woman. Your second thought was why he’d put you here instead one of the rooms in the house. According to Scott there would have been enough rooms for everyone.

 “I thought it would be a good idea to give you your own space incase being around everyone else was too much. They can be a lot especially when you throw in the kids. It becomes a madhouse,” Chris explained.

 Though he explained you still felt a way. The explanation was not enough. You plastered a smile on your face and turned to him.

 “It’s great. Thank you.” Chris studied you a few moments then nodded.

 “You’re free to go anywhere you want, my house is yours.”

 Again, you nodded and kept the smile pasted on. Chris nodded once and turned to walk out. When he did he shut the door behind him leaving you in the open concept pool house. Your thoughts were all over the place. The more you walked around and took in the décor the more you wondered who did all of this. It was beautifully done and gave off the feel of down to earth comfort.

 When you made it to the bedroom you found your bags in a corner. You busied yourself with unpacking your things. If there was one thing you hated it was living out of a suitcase and from how the news was speaking, this quarantine could be going on for weeks. After you unpacked your things in the drawers, closet and bathroom you took a quick shower before getting dressed again to join the others for dinner. You thought not to but you knew Lisa or Scott would come to drag you inside.

 As you approached the house doors you took a few breaths and walked inside and toward the dining room. You could hear voices in a room off to the side and it made you slow down.

 “You put her in the pool house, Chris?” Scott sounded annoyed.

 “Yeah. I thought she’d be more comfortable there.”

 “She’d be more comfortable, or you’d be more comfortable?”

 “She would. I don’t even know what that means,” Chris responded.

 The silence fell between them for a few seconds before Scott spoke again.

 “Did you think that by doing that you maybe hurt her feelings as you’ve been doing since you met her?”

 Your stomach fell. Scott was going to tell him that you thought he hated you.

 “Hurt her feelings? Scott, it’s no big deal. She has more room to herself. It wasn’t meant as anything. I was being a good host,” Chris assured. You didn’t know if he was being truthful or delivering his line like the professional actor he was.

 “I see through you brother,” Scott said before he walked out the door with Chris behind him. You pretended to just have walked in and looked between the brothers. Scott smiled warmly while Chris looked you over once and walked off.

 You had no idea what that was about. Dinner was delicious, Lisa always made amazing food. You’d been invited to family dinners before and how close they were always made you smile. You admired their connection and always had a good time just watching and listening to them. Tonight was no different. They spoke and laughed nonstop. Chris was a different person around his family. He came out of his quiet shell and talked--a lot. You listened to the stories he told and when his face lit up from laughter you felt butterflies in your stomach. His laugh was infectious, and you were beginning to love it more and more.

 After dinner before the kids were sent off to bed, everyone watched TV and snacked, it was the perfect end to a long day. You sat by Carly and Shanna and whispered and laughed with them. From the day Scott introduced you to them there was an instant connection and they always made you feel welcomed no matter what. When one in the morning rolled around the adults began making their way to bed.

 “Who has breakfast duty tomorrow?”

 All eyes fell to Lisa. She must have known it because she smiled widely. “Fine all my children, I can do breakfast.”

 “Thanks mom,” they all said in unison. You smiled.

 “Good night everyone, thank you for--,” you began before they all made a collective loud buzzer sound.

 “Shut up Y/N, you know we love you. There is nowhere else we’d rather you be,” Scott said making you smirk before you full on smiled. Chris caught your eye, he was also smirking. That’s a first you thought just before he clenched his jaw. And we’re back, you thought again before you walked to the French doors in the back.

 It was a felony for a bed to be this comfortable. You moaned and stretched in the king-sized bed. it felt incredible. From the window beside the bed you could see the moon shining in and that was the last sight before you finally managed to sleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[denimbex1986]

A Note On The Mistreatment & Bullying Of Sebastian Stan

@infinitecrime: Sebastian has never, ever said that he doesn't make mistakes, that he always gets everything right, that he has 0 ignorance or areas he could improve, or that all criticism of him in the world is simply mindless hate. In fact, quite the opposite. Throughout his entire career he's been uncommonly engaged with his fans, open to criticism, and commited to learning and getting better. He's consistently reminded us that he isn't perfect, he's human, and he makes mistakes.

He's still yet to directly call out the people who are making his life a living hell, but has, in recent interviews, hinted at how the toxic behaviour of the fanbase has been getting to him - particularly the hypersensitivity of fans who willfully dissect his every word to find something to bash him with, and will twist everything he does to be negative. It's ironic that his point has been proven tenfold by people picking apart his words and trying to make even his basic acknowledgement of what you have all being doing to him for the last year problematic. If you heard him taking about bullies and harassment and thought "hey, he's aiming that at me!", then I don't know what to tell you. Why do you see yourself in that description?

He's allowed to be affected by literally years of abuse and harassment. He's allowed to be upset by intense stalking and leaking of his home address (twice!) and phone number. He's allowed to be disturbed by people sending his friends and loved ones vile racist, xenophobic and misogynistic abuse on a daily basis and pretending that's somehow social justice. He's allowed to have a reaction to death threats, rape threats and countless messages telling him to kill himself. He's allowed to want freedom to make his own choices about his personal life without consulting a bunch of random kids. He's allowed to show human emotion and not want his life dissected and controlled by a mob of total strangers. He's allowed to react to near daily attempts to end his career and/or life over often made up or exaggerated bad faith accusations. He's allowed to call the people who have openly admitted their goal is "to bully him off the internet" what they are: bullies. And he is more than allowed to fucking stand up for himself and call out bullies and stalkers. He has a right to defend himself, to call out the abuse, and to be angry or sad about it. And he's been far more polite and indirect about all this than any of you deserve.

He's not "playing the victim". He is the victim. The only person who has had tangible harm done to them is him. Not you. He hasn't done anything to you. He hasn't sent you death threats, told you to kill yourself, or abused or stalked you. You cannot police the way he reacts or criticise him for struggling mentally after you've subjected him to a 3000 on 1, year long, 24/7 beat down. Relentlessly harassing someone and then mocking or criticising them for daring to react to it is such a typical abuse tactic I genuinely can't understand how you don't see what you are and what you're doing to another human being. You're not making the world a better place or achieving anything at all. You're not the good guy. You're no one's saviour.

The post above is HUGELY Important. Not just lately, as a result of the hatred, vitriol and crap Seb has had directed at him in recent days, but more generally. Some people forget that Seb is actually human - he has thoughts and feelings just like everyone else and it utterly appalls me the way some individuals have completely disregarded this fact. He has spent more than a decade in the spotlight - closer to two as a whole - and had to tolerate people giving him shit over various things on and off for years. 

Now, I’m all for people calling him out on inappropriate comments he’s made/things he’s done etc., but it must be noted he HAS apologized for most of these instances. What I don’t - and what no-one should support or condone - is people continuing to criticize him not just for such things he’s apologized for, and constantly dragging them back up, sometimes even years later, just to cast him in a bad light or in an attempt to “cancel” him, but in general; things like criticizing his projects and the way he looks etc. Nor should anyone support or partake in such appalling, disrespectful actions and behaviours such as stalking him or leaking his address and I’m sickened by the fact that some people have in fact done this. 

To think Seb - particularly as someone who has spoken time and time again about suffering with anxiety - wasn’t ever going to be or isn’t affected by any of this is utterly insane. If things like this were to happen to us, there is NO WAY we wouldn’t be affected, negatively, by it, so it is unfair to think or assume that Seb is or would be any different. He has every right to call the people who make his life miserable, particularly the scores of people who seem to take so much pride in tearing him down and criticizing him online bullies because that is exactly what they are. 

People have said he’s been wrong in the past few days to in some way hint at or address the actions of some people/their intrusion/obsession with him and constant barrages of hatred etc. in his recent interviews. NO. HE’S NOT. He’s used and is using the platform he has to get a message across - just as those who spout and direct shit at him do - that he is aware of what people are saying and doing, and that it does affect and is affecting him. The fact he’s done it so politely is testament to his character, and as @infinitecrime says above, such politeness is far more than the bullies and haters deserve. 

The fact of the matter is Seb is and will forever be a far better person than any of those who find pleasure in causing him harm; emotional, mental or otherwise. He is a person who brings pleasure to the lives of millions of people, not only through his work, but through his kind heart and his compassion. He has had and continues to have an ultimately positive impact on this world and for that he should be very proud. The same cannot and should not be said for those who find joy in bringing and causing him pain.

[tabriscadash]

I was asked this on my old blog right as I set about transitioning to this one, so...

The first character I ever fell in love with: for DA:O, dare I say Daveth? What can I say -- I irrationally got incredibly attached to him. otherwise, DEFINITELY Morrigan, and I have crystal clear memories of my first run through Lothering and looking at Morrigan like 😍 the whole time. For DA:2/E, Carver -- unless you count Anders & Justice since I knew of them from Awakening beforehand, in which case probably Justice. For DA:I, it’s a toss-up between Vivienne or Cole -- I technically liked Cole first but SPECIFICALLY in the supporting material (Asunder), and didn’t vibe with him anywhere near as much in the game, AND I got him as a companion after I got Vivienne, so probably Vivienne.

A character that I used to love/like, but now do not: for DA:O, I guess Oghren? I never loved him, but I liked the idea of him because I really liked the dwarves/Orzammar side of DA’s worldbuilding -- but he’s such an unlikeable character that I just.. don’t vibe with him at all. I debate recruiting him every single time now, and I don’t think I ever do his personal quest (in the base game OR Awakening). for DA:2/E, I don’t really have anyone that fits -- but I REALLY wanted to like Merrill and Aveline more than I did, and especially in Aveline’s case, I can’t stand her and genuinely think she’s the unintended, secret Big Bad of the whole game. for DA:I, probably Cole, bc I was really into the idea of a little walking-corpse serial killer animated by a spirit as per the book, but that’s not really the vibe in DA:I, and combined with the somewhat patronising/ableist language and how significantly he is infantilised (including by the fandom) I just got put off him. I do still like him, but not as much.

A ship that I used to love/like, but now do not: for DA:O, I don’t really have one? I guess see my DA:I answer, lol... for DA:2/E, has to be Anders - I don’t think he’s OOC in 2, but I think his writing does so little with him and he feels v. reductive. Where his relationship could be SO interesting and angsty, it instead is written in a really dull and/or cringey way. It would have been nice to see Anders more like the Anders of Awakening near the beginning of the game (rather than random, infrequent and questionably rare snippets), and then see the progression of his relationship with Justice as the game went on -- I want more interesting abominations, PLEASE. for DA:I, listen I cannot express to you HOW EXCITED I was for my planned Lavellan to romance Sera… also I used to be way more tolerant of Cullen x Amell/Surana ships because, like, hey dark ships are fun, right? But since Cullen’s ~wholesome whitewash~ in DA:I, and his fandom clamouring to absolve him of any wrongdoing ever.. it’s boring to me.

My ultimate favourite character™: for DA:O, probably Sten? or Morrigan. They’re both fantastic, and also are significant comfort chars for me. for DA:2/3, honestly, probably my own Hawke -- I feel so hugely proud of her, and can’t imagine I’d enjoy the game anywhere near as much had I not played it as my Hawke. If not her, maybe Sebastian or Carver? for DA:I, I really love Vivienne, as well as Blackwall, and Solas is a great character even if I probably would not say I liked him.

Prettiest character: for DA:O, we all know it’s Zevran. for DA:2/E, I think Aveline -- although her aggressively bland colour-scheme lets her down in a major way (although I respect her dedication to all orange all day every day). There’s just something about her arms -- very Abby from TLOU:2. for DA:I, maybe Josephine? Ser Barris is very pretty, too...

My most hated character: for DA:O, I really didn’t like Alistair, Wynne and Oghren, and of my companions - Oghren is probably my least favourite. He’s vulgar and also profoundly uninteresting. for DA:2/E, it has to be Aveline. There’s just something about ineptitude and a complete, wilful refusal to take accountability for your actions that I can’t stand. It would be okay if it was an intentional character flaw, but the game/narrative treats her like she’s lawful good and it really annoys me. for DA:I, maybe Iron Bull? He was a huge disappointment for me. I also really dislike Sera, Cassandra, and Varric. I’m so sick of Varric - I never want to see him again.

My OTP: for DA:O, I really loved Zevran’s romance -- but I am also very amused by the fact that Leliana got to ‘love’ status with Kallian accidentally, AND I got the ‘love’ glitch for Justice (👀) and Velanna. I do sometimes wonder about an AU where Kallian is forced to make a politically expedient marriage with Nathaniel Howe for diplomatic reasons in order to consolidate her position as Arlessa, and it being an entirely platonic arrangement (it’s not like anyone expects an heir from an infertile Grey Warden) -- and maybe Zev and Nate kiss sometimes, who knows? I also LOVE my Darkspawn Chronicles AU where Kallian and Nelaros are a happy, married couple each hiding their skills with weapons from each other like dumb, cute sweethearts. They shelter Zevran when he fails to kill Alistair and a poly couple evolves. for DA:2/E, I love the IDEA of a Seb romance that isn’t so strictly conditional around the structures that abused him -- he should be allowed to love, chastely or otherwise, but free from the Chantry OR his position as prince/heir. I’d LOVE to actually have a romance with him where you can actually challenge the abuse he’s experienced. for DA:I, Malika doesn’t have a canon romance (although I think when I replay, I’m going to romance Josephine!) but I think Blackwall has an amazing romance. Solas’ is also iconic, it must be said. 

My NOTP: for DA:O, I really dislike Alistair in a shipping capacity; he’s immature and says a lot of misogynistic shit and I don’t think he’s the worst for it, but I don’t really vibe with shipping him, having played the game as a female city elf. for DA:2/E, I wouldn’t say I have one, particularly? although I really dislike Aveline’s relationship with her husband simply because it seems incredibly inappropriate, given that they work together and she has power over him -- and because I dislike her, generally, I don’t feel inclined to do something nice for her. for DA:I, I suppose Sera/Lavellan -- although I’m not AGAINST it, it just really isn’t for me, having attempted it. I also don’t really vibe with Dorian x Iron Bull. Something abt the way the game handled BDSM and their relationship banter specifically I don’t really like.

Favourite episode quest: for DA:O, probs Orzammar/the Deep Roads. I really love the dwarven lore! and, of course, Fort Drakon is really funny, even though it’s not canon in my game iirc. for DA:2/E, maybe the murder mystery with the serial killer, where ultimately Leandra dies? I also really enjoyed all the companion quests. for DA:I, The Descent (just, all of it, lmao) and everything to do with the Avvar. Crestwood also BANGED.

Saddest death: for DA:O, it’s frankly a fucking INJUSTICE that Shianni gets murdered if you make her Bann of the Alienage -- the idea of that happening whilst Kallian is in Amaranthine and unable to protect her :( genuinely very upsetting. I go back and forth on who is made Bann, tbf, so idk how canonical it is: I think maybe Cyrion would get it, but I’m also endeared to Soris holding the position, with Shianni as Hahren. for DA:2/E, Bethany. I wish both twins had had the chance to reach Kirkwall :(. Let Leandra die instead. for DA:I, maybe not the saddest death, but the most memorable for me was that one sleeping dragon in the Hissing Wastes.. leave her alone. Stay out of a womans’ business.

Favourite season game: DA:O!

Least favourite season game: DA:I.

Character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but I hate: for DA:O, Alistair. I cannot deal with his complacency and hypocrisy. for DA:2, I really disliked Merrill but I honestly cannot remember why. DEFINITELY Varric -- I hated how the game forces you to be his best friend, and if you’re low approval, you have to endure these pointless pissy little comments with this little anti-dwarf centrist pissant. After the expedition, I literally have no reason to put up with him, and I NEVER take him out. I hate that he plays the same role in DA:I, too. for DA:I, the Iron Bull was hugely disappointing, and I also really don’t vibe with Cassandra. She just seems very wishy-washy and complacent and hypocritical, and many of her comments about other cultures seem snide for literally no reason other than bigotry. 

My ‘you’re a piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: for DA:O, lbr probably Sten. Mans is gonna launch a HORRIFYING invasion in the next game iirc and frankly, I’m ok with it. Just wanna see that big bastard again ❤🥵. for DA:2/E, I LOVE Gamlen, ok? for DA:I, I am not sure if I have one.

My ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: for DA:O, if any of you so much as LOOK at Velanna wrong, it’s hands. That includes Bioware. I also feel incredibly protective of and sad for Morrigan. for DA:2/E, probably Sebastian -- I feel so sad for him, and so frustrated by the limitations with the game. for DA:I, I’m honestly not sure.. maybe Josephine? I don’t really feel this way about Sera, but I do think she deserves better from the game and its writing, and also from fandom: there are valid criticisms of her, but the hate she gets is not proportional to any valid issues with her -- and gee, I wonder why that is.

My ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: for DA:O, I did use to find Cullen x Surana/Amell intriguing as a dark ship -- I actually hc that Neria Surana is actually Nelaros’ sister, and have dabbled with it as a dark ship. I also am interested in Loghain/Alistair - which each pretends the other is someone else. Alistair is wooby, hate ships are, in general, fun -- so long as we acknowledge that they are, indeed, unhealthy ships. for DA:2/E, I kind of feel like Sebastian romances are, invariably, kind of dark... and, similarly, Anders romances -- especially with certain red Hawkes, The way it ends is, invariably, bordering on fucked up. ALSO Hawkecest is weird and wonderful: GET WITH IT. 

My ‘they’re kind of cute, and I lowkey ship them, but I’m not too invested’ ship: for DA:O, I joked about Velanna x Leliana once and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it ever since… Velanna x Sigrun is also something that can be so personal. Ariane x Finn is adorable and are paid DUST by Bioware AND fandom. I actually am really into Anora x Nathaniel & NO I will NOT explain myself; it’s a crackship but it’s MY crackship. for DA:2/E, Isabela x Fenris is super cute, but I don’t pay enough attention to them to really have super committed thoughts & feelings on them. for DA:I, Blackwall x Josephine is cute as a background ship; I also think Maryden x Cole is sweet.

[beclynn-herondale]

Inside TMI Gang's diaries part 3 - 2/2 for CoG

Clary: Dear diary, so what can I say a lot has happened, me and Sebastian went to find Ragnor and instead found. Magnus, he pretended to be Ragnor. And Sebastian kissed me and it felt wrong, but also he took me to the place where the Fairchild manor use to be, he took me to a burned down manor, and everything felt wrong. Anyway me and Jace also made the Wayland Manor collapse and figured out my father was torturing am angel. Jace is also mad at me so yay.

*Later*

So um... Where do I begin, a lot has happened Idris was attacked, Max... Is dead and the Lightwoods are in pieces, Jace wrote me a love letter and ran off to go after Valentine and get himself killed most likely, Izzy I think probably still doesn't like me, my mom's back but I am mad at her, and she informed me that Jace isn't my brother and now all I can think about is how I want to tell him. Now we are preparing for the next battle so gotta make a rune brb.

*Later, later*

So my father was trying to raise the angel to destroy all the Downworlders, right, so um he killed Jace and I kinda replaced his name in the sand with mine and I used the wish to bring Jace back but like what will people think, oh well, I'd do again if it meant to have him back, safe and alive, to get to love him and make him happy, though idk does he still want me? either way I'd do it again. Also I can't wait to get back to new york and get some COFFEE!, but also please don't let Jace not love me anymore.

Jace: Dear diary, you'll find me in a bad spot at this moment, things have fallen apart, Hodge is dead but I don't feel much for him, Max was killed and I can't help but blame myself, after all it is my fault. The manor where I grew up collapsed and while I knew it was my childhood home, it also felt freeing watching it all fall apart, like watching the bad memories in that place being crushed, like seeing that you can heal. But as I am watching Clary sleep, I know I won't get the chance to ever heal myself, I love her but will never have a future with her, and I have to go after my father and stop him, I know where my journey ends and I always knew it would never be a happy ending for me. So I'll write her a letter and leave with her, I'll tell her all my feelings and let her know what she means to me. I know Izzy and Alec will understand in time. And I probably won't be coming back.

*Later*

So I died but was brought back, I also fought Clary's creepy brother and my father is dead, I feel empty in so many ways, apparently my actual parents were Stephen and Céline Herondale, which would mean Imogen was my grandmother, I don't know what people want me to say or do, I don't even know who I am anymore. Amatis gave me a box with stuff that belonged to my father in it, but I don't know this man, and I know nothing about my mother, I am sitting here looking through it but what am I supposed to feel? I am sitting here thinking about how Clary asked for me of all the things she could have had but maybe she didn't actually want me now, maybe she felt she owed me and that was it, I wouldn't blame her, but I love her, I love her more than anything, I want to see her so bad, she always knows what to say to me and how to comfort me, I miss her. We are also going back to new york soon and thankfully the news that I am apparently a Herondale hasn't gotten to far out yet and hopefully I'll be gone before it does, I don't want to see the stares or hear the whispers. And I'll be back to my room and my blades.

Alec: Dear diary, I write to you today with mixed feelings, of loss and gain, Max is gone and it's all my fault, I spent so much time trying to protect Jace and Izzy that I forgot Max needed protecting too, me and Magnus are a thing now I think, but I can't help but feel guilty because I shouldn't have something so great when I failed to protect my baby brother. Mom and Dad probably will hate me now and Izzy is too shocked and upset for anything honestly, she blames herself but it really isn't her fault. Jace ran off and if I lose him too I don't know if I'll be able to go on like I use to.

*Later*

Somehow our gang is still alive, i have no idea why or how but we are, the pain and hurt and grief is still strong but we will have to carry on. Jace is a Herondale and honestly I don't know how to feel, but he must be so conflicted, I am giving him space cause I know that's what he needs right now. Izzy is hanging with Simon who got her to get out of her room and maybe there will be some friendship between them, me and Magnus are apparently going on a trip and it is what I need, I can't be around at the moment with everybody staring and grieving. And I think everyone needs some space right now, hopefully we'll all be able to get through it, hopefully me and Magnus will be together.

Magnus: Dear diary, there is much to say but no time for it, the Shadowhunters are at war, not surprised, Alec asked me why I never called him back in the middle of a fight, honestly this man, but also he kissed me in front of people in the accords hall which is all I needed him to do to tell me he is serious, although he has also lost so much and I can only hope for the strength he'll need to get through it, we are going to war but Biscuit has made a rune to unite Shadowhunters and Downworlders, honestly this girl is gonna surprise the Clave in many ways and cause so much chaos, I can't wait to see it.

*Later*

We are all pretty much are alive, many were lost but we won the war, if you can call it a win. Me and Alec will be going on a trip, I hope maybe it will help him cope a little, Shadowhunters aren't known for grieving too long, but I think it would do good for them to grieve longer for their lost. Jace is a Herondale and now everything makes much more sense as to why he is the way he is, he has a journey ahead of him though and I can only imagine what he must be feeling, Isabelle I have much respect for and I hope she'll find the comfort she needs in the ones who care for her, Simon Lewis is a brave boy and deserves more credit than people give him, Biscuit is the bravest and I wish her well on her journey to becoming a Shadowhunter, although I don't think Jocelyn will be pleased. I am heading back to new york after the party tonight to deliver the news of Ragnor's death to Catarina and Raphael, and to catch up on some stuff before me and Alec leave, I still wonder if it is all over though.

Izzy: Dear diary, I don't know what to say, so much is lost and I don't know what to do, it's the first time in my life I have felt this lost, it's all my fault that Max is dead, I should have protected him, I never should have trusted that piece of trash Sebastian, if I could kill him I would and if I get the chance I will, Hodge is dead as well but honestly don't care. Simon came to see me and comforted me, he is the only one who didn't say that I need to be strong or that it will get better, he just held me and said it's gonna hurt for a while but your aren't alone, and that's all I needed. And Jace ran off, I wasn't gonna follow him cause I respected his decision but I can't let him die thinking there's something wrong with him or that Clary is his sister, he deserves to know.

*Later*

Sebastian is dead and I am happy about that, many were lost but not my loved ones, I thank the angel for that, Jace is a Herondale and I don't know what he'll do but I won't let people take him, he's my brother, him and Clary can finally be together and I wish them happiness, if the two idiots would realize that they still want each other lol sometimes I wonder about my brothers, Alec is with Magnus now and all I can say is finally. I'll see where things with Simon goes and I actually kinda hope it goes somewhere, but I'll never say that out loud. I still blame myself for Max but I got to keep going, I know he'd want me to.

Simon: Dear diary, my prison friend turned out to be Hodge and he is dead now, idk how to feel, I almost burned tho, at least I was saved, that Sebastian killed Max and I feel terrible for the Lightwoods, Izzy is a wreck and I comforted her after everything, Clary and Jace aren't siblings and I am happy to hear that, it means they won't be suffering anymore and the angst will stop but Jace ran off and he may not come back so maybe it will be worse, Jocelyn is awake and idk what will happen when we get back but I don't think Clary plans to stop being a Shadowhunter, also speaking of my badass best friend, she made an alliance rune, and put the mark of cain on me she feels terrible about that last one but I asked her for a reason, it will all be okay.

*Later*

Everything is okay, thank God, mostly everyone is alive and we can go back to somewhat normal life, tho I don't know how they expect the Lightwoods to, Jace is a Herondale and I guess that's basically a kinda Royal Shadowhunter family? Idk, Clary and Jace appear to be okay, they walked up to us holding hands and it seems they worked things out, I am happy for them. Things with Izzy may be going somewhere but also things with Maia are going somewhere, idk what to do but it may end terribly, Magnus and Alec are a thing now and that's good, I just want to get back to new york and out of here.

Sebastian: Dear diary, these dumbasses have no idea who I really am, father said they wouldn't but I thought maybe they were smarter, especially Jace, you were raised by father as well you pathetic boy, but I guess you fell in love which is exactly what father told you not to do, although he is punishing you for it and trying to get back control over by making you believe Clary is your sister and making you think you are a monster, I am enjoying the show, honestly maybe you'll end yourself that would be fun to watch, although I'd like to kill you myself, after all you were always father's favorite and I would love to see father's face when I kill you, I hope you know I will kill you if I can.

*later*

Well apparently I am dead.

Church: Dear Cat diary, the idiots all lived except the kid, I feel bad he had so much more life to live, the Herondale figured out he was a Herondale congratulations Dum dum, maybe his tragic love will end now that he knows, also Jem seriously I miss you and still want you to save me. Magnus and Alec are together now and it's about damn fucking time, Isabelle is gonna be Isabelle, I feel that Simon kid will be around more now, Clary will probably be a Shadowhunter now, so much fucking happened and honestly the Shadowhunters need to get their shit together. Valentine may be dead but the stuff he caused isn't, there is much to be rebuilt, I just hope the drama is over, I am getting to old for this shit. Jem again I miss you and you are the only other intelligent one, end my suffering please!, Also I want some tuna, I'm gonna go find that Herondale to get me some.

(again not my best but the others will be better, I can't wait to continue, hopefully you enjoy these)

[kitcat47universe]

Broken Heart

Warnings: I have a sad life right now and I am just trying to release some stress

A/N: Please understand it's just the ramblings of my broken life. I have anxiety so it's a bit chaotic.

As I sit here thinking about all that I want to say. I’ve been pushing away from writing as this makes my heart ache more than I’d like it to. It's more, I want to let out what is floating around in my head for me. I grew up knowing I was nothing. I was never going to be considered beautiful, smart, or even wanted. The whole of the world told me so, as did most of my family and most everyone I knew. The rest just didn’t care enough to even bother with me. I just believed them because I had lost all my hope. How do you have hope when it's just a big empty place and no light ever reaches you. My anxiety and PTSD are not really my friends, but they are the biggest voices I hear. They have made me something different in this world we live in.

I was four when I knew movies were not real. Fiction was a made-up world. A four-year-old telling a grown woman that it was ok during a scary movie because I knew it was pretend and she was jumping scared. I don’t know if that’s sad or incredible. I’m leaning towards sad mostly. How can I have such insight at four?

I can remember by the time I was eight I knew without question that a superhero would never save me even though I needed one. I was never going to be enough to be worth saving. I had already been physical and sexually abused and I was well on my way to being completely emotionally broken. (I remember being told to just get over it. That's super helpful.) I coped by letting myself get hurt in one way because it meant that I wasn’t hurt far worse in other ways. I never learned how to properly cope with everything that was thrown at me. Even my immediate family wasn’t really a safe place for me. Yet, I had a sliver of hope that maybe I was wrong. That hope died by the time I was fourteen. I lost myself and my heart.

I finished growing up with no idea what I needed and the only escape I had was going to the movies. I always wanted to see the big action adventure or superhero movies as no one can hear you cry over the loud explosions. No one can see you in pain in the dark. If you still have tears at the end of a horror movie you can blame it on the movie and not a bad life. When the big hero saves their love, I always knew that was never me. I would never be loved like that.

That changed the day I first saw Captain America in any movie. Something about the character seemed so different. I looked up the character and learned there were movies just for him. So off I went to see what was different. That was harder as I didn't any streaming service and buying anything that wasn't a need, well it was problematic. (Ok I admit it I was raising a kid on little to nothing. I know it's sad, but it happens.) I knew not even two minutes in that I was going to have my heart ripped from my chest and this was going to hurt. I watched a little Steve Rogers get beat up and his best friend keep him alive in the end. I was speechless. Every soft spot I could have for a character was playing out on that screen.

My favorite thing any actor can do is make me see the character and not the actor. I was watching Steve not Chris Evans and I was watching Bucky not Sebastian Stan. I hated it. I hated that my heart was going to be broken. I hated that I watched Bucky die. I hated that Steve crashed the plane. I felt like I was watching a part of me ripped out and killed. Like I was watching my own heart stopped beating in front of my eyes. I wanted it to be over. I knew why it hit so hard for me and yet I didn’t want to admit it. Admitting it would make it oh so more real.

I looked up the actors to see if maybe they were just really good and not great people. I was wrong, oh so very wrong. These two men are truly kind and wonderful. I don’t know if they had been directed telling them to act this way or if it was all their own choices. I really want to know. I doubt I will ever know.

Back to that first time watching them. All I wanted was for there to be no Captain America movies and I had only seen the one. (It would a couple of years before I had the nerve to watch any of the other films.) There on that big screen was my hope and I hated it.

These to incredible actors had given the world the one person I ever truly let it. The one I had lost years before. I saw him in how Steve was a “good man not a perfect soldier.” I saw him in the way Bucky always believed in Steve. I saw him in how Steve went after Bucky. I saw him in how Bucky wouldn’t leave Steve behind. I saw him in how Bucky walked and tilted is hat. I saw him in the good shot that Bucky is. I saw him in how they both broke some of the rules but never gave up. I saw him in the captain’s uniform that Steve wore. I saw him in them. It absolutely broke my heart. How could they give him back to me and take him away from me again? The only person I have no doubts about. The one person I know loved me unconditionally and fought for me. I one person I could always count on. I mean always.

They gave me back my granddad. He was a WWII Army Air Corp captain. He flew B-52 bombers over Europe. My favorite photo that I have is him in his dress uniform. Just like Steve's uniform. It makes my heart flutter when I see that uniform on screen. I am a complete softie for WWII soldiers in their dress uniforms.

Losing him was not something I could ever have been ready for, and it hurts to this day. This last decade has been the hardest for me. The last year and half left me feeling about as needed and loved as the worst people in history. I haven’t felt like a mom anymore. I haven’t felt like I was needed even by child anymore. I have felt like the world was telling me that I didn’t deserve to breathe anymore. I hurt so much. I feel just beyond alone.

What would I give to just have one more day with my granddad? Just one more day. And still I as much as I hate having my heart ripped out, I still could never ever have them undo what they did. I could never bare the pain of completely losing what my granddad was. I find so strange that it took two separate good men to give the world what my granddad was. In all the movies about soldiers I have ever seen never have I come across what my granddad was and is. The world can see him like I did. Not physically like since he wasn’t built like a demigod, but at least his heart and some of his soul. He was what grounded me and gave me a safe place. I’ll never know if he was still here how different I would have been. He would have given me my first flying lesson if I wanted to be a pilot. He would have encouraged me and told me I could do this even when I don’t believe. He would make sure I saw what he saw in me.

I know that I will never be able to meet either Chris Evans or Sebastian Stan. Could never afford to and plus I'm already invisible in this world. I wish they could know what they gave me and that he is still here in what they did with Steve and Bucky. I will always believe in these two. Not the superheroes but the good men with good hearts. I will always think of these two actors as great men because they gave me my granddad back just for a little while.

On a side note, I have seen all the Marvel movies thanks to my kid having a true love for all things superhero and space.

If you read this far thanks. Ummm, please know that I serious adore Steve and Bucky. They are as close as I can get to believing in any kind of hero right now.

[chaosride]

A Divine Appointment (x7)

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

“Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.” ― Garrison Keillor

Fenris hadn’t expected much to come of Rosalyn’s offer to teach him to read. He should have, as the children had all been proven stubborn and relentless when it came to something they decided they needed to do. So determined, it turned out, that Rosalyn bothered Anders until he caved and appeared on his doorstep just after dinner one evening with his entire herd of children.

“Yes?” Fenris asked.

“Fenris, I’m really sorry but Ros-”

“You haven’t come to me for a lesson so I’m coming to you. I even brought a book,” Rosalyn told him seriously.

He nodded after a moment even as he glanced at Anders.

“Don’t worry, I know you’re not a daycare, if it’s alright for Ros to stay for a bit for your lesson, I can come get her in a bit. If not it’s fine she was just, uh, very insistent.”

“It’s alright, you may come in.”

Fenris stepped back to allow space for Rosalyn to trot inside. Cahir cooed from Anders’ arms and reached for him, and the other children peered at him from behind the healer with expectant looks.

“Thank you Fenris, I’ll come back to get her in an hour or two, c’mon guys,” Anders told him before he began the arduous task of herding the children away.

Fenris didn’t what possessed him to but he called out, “Mage, you can all come in. I have plenty of rooms, Ros and I can do our lesson in my room.”

“Are you sure?”

“Get in here already,” Fenris groused.

The children made the decision for Anders and crowded into the vestibule with excited shouts and general chatter. Once Anders stepped through Fenris shut the door behind him.

“Thanks, Fenris,” the mage told him.

Fenris didn’t answer him, instead taking Cahir from Anders when the boy reached for him. Anders let the toddler go with no complaints, but the enamored look on the healer’s handsome face made something in Fenris’ chest clench. Fenris knew the look was likely directed at the boy in his arms but it was nice to pretend. He bounced Cahir in his arms to hear him laugh and led them into the open main hall of the mansion.

“Whoa, this place is huge!” Tanner said, looking around with huge eyes.

“Do you live here with other people?” Bree asked him,

“No, it’s just me.”

“Oh, don’t you get lonely?”

“... Sometimes,” Fenris told her. “Ros, my room is this way, we can do our lesson out here. Mage, feel free to move anything or use anything that is out here, let me know if they need anything.”

“Do you want me to take Cahir?”

“I can handle him, if he gets fussy I’ll bring him to you.”

“Oh- alright, thanks Fenris.”

Rosalyn was a patient teacher, and it made the lesson go quickly. Fenris had worried it would be embarrassing or beyond him even with someone willing to teach him. It was easier since he already had a firm grasp on the language, and Fenris was just glad to recognise at least a few common words in written form.

“Why do you call the healer mage?” she asked him quietly, towards the end of their lesson.

Fenris looked up from the paper he was using to practice writing his name on. She was intently staring at the page she had been spelling out names for him to practice along with his own on. Her pale brows were drawn together and she had stopped writing midword.

“He is one.”

“It’s dangerous though. If the wrong person heard you they would come for him. Do you… not like ta because he’s a mage?”

“Has he said that?”

“No, not… not out loud. It just makes him sad, I can tell."

"I have reason to distrust mages, they have hurt me very much in the past.”

“Was it the healer?”

“No, but it is not that simple. Mages can be dangerous, they have a lot of power. Anders… is not just Anders.”

“Oh, you mean Justice? I know some people are scared of him because he’s a spirit but he’s nice. He scares away mean people in the clinic who bother ta, but he’s never hurt any of them. He always seems… upset at the possibility of having to,” she told him. “You think mages are dangerous but you haven’t turned ta in?”

“It would upset our friends very much. I am from Tevinter, where blood magic is commonplace. I was suspicious at first, is all. But he has proven himself, we are… friends I suppose.”

Ros nodded slowly, considering the information.

“Why do you ask? There is no danger of me turning him in, if that was your worry.”

“I’m a mage too,” Rosalyn whispered. “I was afraid you would hate me and not want me around anymore if you knew.”

Fenris smiled at her, and found he was unable to be afraid of her. She was just a girl still, unsure and hesitant, and being a mage didn’t make her someone different than who she had been before.

“Well then you have nothing to fear. I could not hate you. Just promise me you won’t practice blood magic or make a deal with a demon.”

Rosalyn giggled. “Yes, da, I promise.”

“Then we’re fine,” he promised her.

Fenris found he meant it. Ros was a mage but she was just a child who had no committed no wrongs against him. He couldn’t find it in his heart to see her any differently than he had before; as one of his kids. They may have been Anders’ to everyone else but Fenris had come to accept they were his too, at least partially.

Now if he could only stop yearning for Anders to be his as well. He wanted to get used to having people fill his home, for there to be noise and joy and light someplace Danarius had wrought only demons and shadows and ashes. It was not a wish he had put too much credence in until he saw it so tantalizingly close today.

Maybe he was deserving of a family after all. It was getting easier and easier to believe that.

Even so he didn’t give voice to the thought of offering for them to stay the night as he saw the healer and his ducklings out that night. Fenris could offer a thousand reasons why it was better than returning to Darktown; he had plenty of rooms and beds, the children would have more room to run, he had a better desk for Anders to sit and write at, he had a table they would all fit around to sit at meals. He couldn’t find the breath to do so though, sure that Anders would rather be anywhere else. The mage was only around because of the kids. That was the truth of Fenris’ situation.

---

Anders wished he was better at speaking to Fenris. He had considered asking if he had eaten dinner or wanted company for the evening but hadn’t wanted to overstep his bounds. While Fenris had certainly softened towards Anders, the healer knew it had everything to do with the children and nothing to do with him as a person. Fenris hated him on principle which as much as Anders hated he could understand. Even if a templar fought alongside Hawke and had promised to not harm him, Anders wouldn’t be able to trust them. Anders hadn’t considered it a problem either, but seeing Fenris with the children and being around him without arguing had affected the mage in ways he couldn’t have predicted.

He had always noticed how attractive the warrior was but had found any desire tempered by his abhorrence of anything magic and his penchant for disregarding Anders’ safety to call him things such mage and abomination so openly. In retrospect, the healer saw that Fenris likely didn’t realize how much danger he had put Anders in with such words. He had not seen how insipid the chantry doctrine against magic ran, how many were willing to go running to the templars. Or simply corner mages with pitchforks and torches and take care of problems themselves. Where Fenris had come from, he would have been punished severely for speaking to a mage that way- the thought was mind boggling to Anders.

In the beginning of them knowing each other, Anders had been bitter that Fenris didn’t see how similar they were. But now he also knew that he had undermined a lot of what Fenris suffered in Tevinter. He had said and done a lot of things that he knew Fenris could never see past. He couldn’t even blame the elf really either, just be grateful he was kind to the kids and hadn’t tried to have them removed from his care.

Not that it would matter if he did or not. Anders knew that Sebastian was already starting to whisper about it in their friend group, once he had found out that Anders was taking care of the children. It was one of the things Isabela had given him a heads up about during their overnight trip to Sundermount.

The other thing she had warned him about had to do with Delilah, and he was still debating on how to handle that situation. But he knew he had to, tonight when she got home from her shift. Because she would be home, and Isabela had overheard saying she didn’t feel safe staying in her bunk at the Rose anymore. Of course, Anders didn’t mind her feeling at home in the clinic but if she didn’t feel safe at the Rose then they needed to find her another job or remove the problem.

Isabela had agreed with him and lowly informed him that if he got the names of whoever was bothering Delilah they wouldn’t be a problem any more. The healer didn’t want to really consider what being considered an enemy by Isabela felt like but he knew it surely wasn’t pleasant.

So when Delilah got home that evening, Anders made tea like he always did. Delilah chatted some about her day, and he told her some of what the kids had gotten into that day and how the clinic had been. He almost didn’t bring it up, unwilling to disrupt their peaceful nightly tradition but he couldn’t just leave it be.

“Delilah, I know you’ve been hiding some injuries after work, and that there’s another reason for you not staying there anymore,” he began carefully. “I enjoy having you here at night, I just… if someone is bothering you at work, someone should know. If you know their names, I can make sure they won’t bother you again.”

Raelnor, when challenged about things he was hiding, had been angry at Anders for trying to involve himself. Anders had worried about Delilah distancing herself from him or telling him to leave it alone. Instead she offered him a sad smile and shook her head.

“Thank you, ta. It’s very sweet of you but it’s not just a pushy client. Some of the more seasoned girls aren’t happy about how many requests I get and they are just being catty. It’ll blow over,” she said. “Much nicer to come home every night anyway.”

“Have you looked for work somewhere else?”

“I know what you must think, me working in a brothel, but it is an honest living and it pays well enough.”

“It is an honest living, but I’ve worked in brothels. It’s not an easy job, and I just want… I want you to know that just because it’s work you know doesn’t mean it’s all you can do. If you aren’t happy there, don’t just weather it and hope it gets better.”

“You’ve worked in brothels?”

“One or two, years ago. I was hired on as a healer but I had enough people ask about me that they decided I should take on a few clients. I was an apostate and they usually housed me. Wasn’t in a position to complain, and I hadn’t learned yet that saying no was something I was allowed to do. In that respect at least.”

Delilah nodded, and stared into the fire with her dark brow furrowed.

“Even if I did want to work somewhere else, no one’s hiring Fereldans. And brothel work is all I’ve done…”

“Let me ask around, but you read and write well, you’re organized and calm under pressure. You have more talents than you realize.”

“A change of pace might be nice. Plus it would mean that I don’t have to tell Sam no every week when he asks me out again . He’s nice enough but really cannot take a hint. But the other girls all say he’ll move on soon, apparently it’s a pattern with him,” she said before carrying on the conversation without a hiccup, quelling Anders’ fears with ease.

Delilah was independent and had a good head on her shoulders but Anders still considered her his daughter, as much as Raelnor or the younger kids. She was always trying to look after him in turn too, and he vowed he would do anything he could to make her life easier.

Even if it meant begging Aveline for help finding her a safe job.

---

It was beyond late when Fenris woke to pounding on the door. He had stumbled to the door, already hauling his greatsword into place at his back with only one gauntlet on. The other still hung haphazardly from his pouch where he had tied it the day before. His breastplate wasn’t sitting right, the buckles tightened too hastily but he would fix it when he had time he decided when the knocking reached a fever pitch.

He ripped the door open, expecting to stumble directly into a gang fight Hawke had brought literally to his doorstep. Instead he found Rosalyn there, in her nightgown and shivering in the early morning air.

She didn’t give him time to question and snagged his wrist, pulling him out of the vestibule of the mansion with more force than he thought she had in her lithe body. Rosalyn was frantic, nearly falling in her scramble to get him moving.

“The healer needs help, please da, I know you don’t like mages much but the templars are there now and they already hurt him bad,” she begged. “It’s my fault, please , help him.”

She didn’t need to say anything else. Where before Fenris hadn’t been fully awake and baffled by her being there, the icy dread that curled around his spine woke him up. They practically ran through Hightown and Lowtown towards Darktown. Fenris adjusted his armor as they moved and tugged his gauntlet into place. His mind spun with all the ways the worst could have already happened, all the ways this night could end in heartbreak.

Every single situation grew a thousand times darker in his mind as they burst through Darktown and were met with the sound of a rattling cry. It was the loudest Fenris had ever heard a child cry, and could only be Cat who was squalling. He would recognize it anywhere.

The noise spurred him on so much that he nearly tripped over Tanner standing guard over Bree and Cahir, hunched between the wall and the ramshackle wooden stairs Fenris had come down.

“They’re still in there,” Tanner rushed out as soon as he recognized Fenris. “They took Cat because he tried to protect her, da you have to do something.”

Fenris nodded.

“Ros, stay here,” he ordered before the sound of running footsteps drew nearer to the stairs, coming towards the clinic.

Fenris drew his sword, sure they were about to be set upon by templar reinforcements but it was their own. Delilah, Raelnor, Varric, and Isabela tumbled down the stairs in a hectic tangle.

“Rae, Delilah, look after the kids, we’ll get Anders,” Fenris promised.

Together the warrior and two rogues approached the wreckage that had been made of the clinic. The lock Donnic had gotten had indeed been strong, so much that the templars had kicked the door, new frame and all, clean out of the rotting wood of the surrounding wall.

As they got closer, Fenris was able to distinguish some of the commotion coming from within that had been overpowered by the sheer volume of Cat’s bawling. The girl was loud when excited, shrieking and chattering, but when she was scared it was on another level. Fenris marveled a little at her lung capacity as her wailing seemed to make the walls around them shake with the force of it. What it was drowning out was worse and made all the hair on Fenris’ body stand on end and his brands to flare to life without his permission.

He couldn’t make out what Anders was actually saying because it was muffled, only that his voice was hoarse and pleading. The answering laughter was clear as a bell and nothing short of spiteful.

“We had a little tip off healer, some of us remember you from Kinloch. I was thinking that we would leave you locked in that thing just while we got you to the Circle but I really enjoy you begging.”

There was a chorus of laughter and hurled taunts. The sound Anders made was one of a wounded, cornered animal. Fenris couldn’t breathe around his heart in his throat but Varric had motioned for them to not rush in so they stilled out of sight.

“We need to get Cat out before anything,” he whispered. “The kid’s so damn loud I can’t even tell where she is in there.”

“I’ll get her,” Isabela told him. “But you have to cover me to get her out.”

Fenris only half listened to them as the templar from before began talking again. He seemed to be their ringleader, which meant all the others were likely crowding him for the show. Fenris only prayed he wasn’t the one holding Cat.

“I had a feeling you wouldn’t like the dark much. Or tight spaces. Looks like I was right. It might have been overkill to use a smite and magebane but I heard from a little birdy that you’re slightly allergic to magebane. I wasn't sure if that made it more or less effective, better safe than sorry.” Another wave of laughter. “I hope you aren’t too uncomfortable. I think we’ll stay here a while. Just in case we can root out any other apostates who may come looking for you. A few hours in there isn’t much compared to that year in solitary, and certainly nothing like what I’m going to do to you once we get you back to the Circle. I like your fire so much we may even see about waiting to put you on the Tranquil list. No one will even know where you are or who you are, you’d be a nice pet if you learned to behave.”

The sob Anders gave was so soft that Fenris barely heard it, but the way his voice caught and rasped when the mage spoke broke his heart.

“Please, do whatever you want, just let her go. She’s just a baby. Please.”

“Isabela,” Fenris murmured, already straightening. “Get Cat and get out. Varric, cover her and then fall back and look after the children. I will handle the rest.”

“Broody, there’s like twenty of them-” Varric was cut off by Isabela’s hand on his shoulder.

“I’m with you, Fen. Let’s kill these bitches,” she whispered. “Nothing would have stopped him anyway,” he heard her mutter to the dwarf but it was drowned out by the white hot rage that roared like a spreading fire in his head.

Fenris rushed the group, slicing effortlessly through the chatty templar. His blood fell in a crimson shower on his cohorts and there was a stunned moment of indecision on their part. Isabela used it to her advantage and plucked Cat from the templar who had been holding her by her chubby little arm.

By the time they had turned to pursue the pirate, arrows had begun raining down on them and Fenris cut down the rest with sweeping swings from his sword. It was over in what felt like moments; one second there had been a battalion of templars crowded into the clinic, and the next there were only bodies and blood.

Fenris turned to set about freeing the mage now that the threat had been eliminated and Cat was seen to safety. He choked on his own breath when he processed where they had been keeping Anders subdued. Fenris’ vision had tunneled to the templars so much that he hadn’t registered it. Now that he did, he wished he had not ended their lives so quickly. It was too merciful for them.

It was a sturdy chest, larger than some, and wrapped in thick chains. The four lines of glistening bood clinging to the wood said that even injured Anders had fought like a cat being put in a bag to be drowned against being put into it. Without the clamor of bodies or his own blood pounding in his ears Fenris could hear how hard Anders was panting and how he whimpered with each exhale.

Fenris’ hands turned desperate on the lock until he finally phased his hand into and ripped it apart from within. He felt the sharp shards of metal tear through his palm but all he cared about was getting Anders out and calmed down. The chain fell away at his jerking. When Fenris lifted the lid, Anders didn't uncurl, his long arms braced around his head still.

“Please, no more, I won’t run again, please,” the mage whispered.

“Anders,” Fenris said, his voice choked with horror, “I’m here, it’s just me. You’re safe with me.”

Golden eyes blinked up at him and fluttered at the light, glazed over and sluggish. The fingers of one hand were smashed almost beyond recognition and his face was a bloody mess. But he was breathing and there was no raised sun of tranquility on the freckled skin of his forehead. He was the most beautiful thing Fenris had ever seen.

“Fenris,” the healer sighed, the word drenched in relief.

Fenris helped him out, catching Anders when his knee gave out and making comforting noises when the mage tried to apologize. All the cots had been destroyed so Fenris closed the chest and eased Anders to lean against it.

“Where are you hurt?”

Anders shook his head weakly. “Not bad, the kids?”

This man , Fenris thought fondly.

“They’re okay. Isabela got Cat, they’re all okay. Even if it’s not bad, let me bandage it.”

“Just bruises. They definitely broke my… hand. Maybe just a few fingers but feels like my whole hand. Maybe my wrist,” Anders said. His speech was still slow and his eyes wouldn’t focus. “Mainly it's the magebane.”

“Ta?” a trembling voice called from just outside the clinic.

“I’m alright, love,” Anders answered. His voice was still raspy and weak, like he had been screaming for hours.

“Come get your things,” Fenris told them when the entire lot of them came in. He felt Anders go rigid against his side where he had slouched. For a tense moment no one moved until Fenris cleared his throat. “ Now, ” he said firmly.

The children all scrambled to comply. All except Rosalyn, who hesitated, looking between Anders and Fenris nervously. Finally she crept over and hugged Anders carefully.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put you in danger. I understand if we can’t stay with you anymore.”

Anders blinked at her and opened his mouth to reply. Fenris could practically see the wheels struggling to turn in his mind, moving like machinery coated in honey.

“You are all coming to the mansion. Someone needs to pack Anders’ things for me, can you do that Ros?”

She nodded and scurried away, evidently at ease.

“You’re not taking the kids away from me,” Anders said mainly to himself.

Still Fenris answered him, “No, I am not.”

“Why? Why are you helping me, and why are you okay with them being with me. You hate mages, you hate me-”

“I don’t.”

Anders looked up at him, a perplexed furrow between his brows. Fenris didn’t know what possessed him to but he ducked down and pressed a chaste kiss to Anders’ mouth. Anders looked surprised and he leaned after Fenris when the elf  pulled away.

“I really don’t,” he admitted softly.

“Will you do that again later? I will definitely think this was all a fever dream.”

“I will, as many times as you would like,” Fenris assured, amazed that it was truthful. He would kiss Anders as many times as the mage wanted once they were away from here. ”I heard them say they gave you magebane but that you have a bad reaction to it. Is there anything I can do?”

Anders shook his head. “It makes other mages a little woozy at worst but it… makes me really out of it and sick to my stomach. All I can do now is let it run its course.”

Fenris brushed his hair back from his tired face.

“Then let’s get you home so you may rest.”

(please leave kudos and comments here! ♥)

[steveandbucky]

I don’t understand if ur serious when u say that you’re anti fatws (esp bucky) lol???? for real?

yeah i think he’s not bucky. OOC. and like, not for stupid shit, but when it comes to stuff that matters. i always thought bucky has a solid moral compass (similar to steves). i mean just from what we’ve seen in canon, idk if this is just my own intrepratations, but anyway, i don’t agree with his actions, i dont agree with him asking sam to put his safety on the line with the ‘you helped steve with the accords i think you should help me’ ok bucky you were taken in as a refugee by an untouchable nation, sam was put into a supermax prison steve had to break him out of, and then was on the run as a fugitive for two years. the absolute NERVE.

and like, the man he breaks out of prison is z*mo? really? that’s his ABUSER. i don’t understand why no one else seems upset by this. that’s not bucky. OOC. if he wanted any help from z*mo, he could have asked for him to help from behind the bars he very much deserves to be behind. if he refused to help, oh well, too bad, buh bye. i dont understand who thought this was a good idea. are we forgetting z*mo intentionally triggered bucky into going into his winter soldier programming, which resulted in bucky killing again? the thing he did not want to do? he literally says, over and over again, ‘i dont do that anymore’ and ‘i dont want to kill anyone’ and ‘(resigned) wheres the fight’.

im not gonna describe *that scene* that triggered me very badly, if you dont know what im talking about im sorry but i cannot physically write the words. but im very very upset at the writers for a throwaway line that implies past sexual abuse* knowing FULL well the majority of their demographic who like bucky/identify with him are in fact women/afab, and like, going by the statistics alone, would find something like this 1. triggering and 2. a slap in the face. just, for why? what purpose did that line serve, actually? was it necessary? for plot progession? (*though, i maintain, z*mo doesnt know shit, he’s being a dick bc thats half his personality, and talking shit bc thats the other half of his personality). but yeah. one of the major reasons i dont like whoever it was that writes bucky in this show.

another thing, the obsession with the shield? putting all that blame onto sam? i mean... i understand he’s upset about being abandoned by his best friend (and arguably only friend, i guess?) but like. shut up about the shield. shut up about the shield!!! where’s the ‘the little guy from brooklyn, im following him’ like bucky never gave a shit about captain america. whats going on through his head actually? bc like.. if there’s things he’s not saying, we won’t fucking know about them, will we?

i honestly dont know what the writers are doing, i don’t know whether they’re completely misunderstanding his characer, or trying to foreshadow bucky going to the dark side, or whats going on. bc at this point he looks more like an antagonist at the very least, if not outright villain.

the only accurate bucky content i have seen so far is like, him and sam acting like a married couple, him making nerdy references, and the flashback scene in wakanda which is the only time i have seen sebastian stan actually acting.

i don’t know who this fool is, but it’s not bucky.

as for the show in general, im not liking what im seeing, and no i dont need to watch it to form an opinion. not gonna put myself through however many hours of mediocre content. i never had high hopes about it, but this half-assed storyline with the flag smashers (clearly a poor attempt at portraying antifas as the enemy), the super soldier serum, the dollar store captain america, z*mo??? why is he even here????

sam not having enough of the spotlight...in his own goddamn show... like. idk. i think he deserved something of his own. a better storyline. something that’s about *him*, his life, his struggles. with bucky as his sidekick. sam, pretending to be too sensible to run into crazy shit, bucky, resigned, being dragged along, being sam’s wingman, his support. *thats* their dynamic. from what i have seen about sam’s scenes, he seems to be more or less in character, imo, but i just... feel like he’s being sidelined. in his own show.

THE THERAPY/THERAPIST. I hate EVERYTHING about it. from her demeanor, attitude towards her client, not addressing him by his preferred name, her judgmental tone/statements, her belittling/dismissing bucky’s pain, her ‘rules’ and just. everything. everything. for ONCE i would like to see an ACCURATE portrayal of therapy in media. because it’s the opposite. the exact opposite of this. there’s a long thread from twitter i reblogged that goes more into detail, but i think like, it’s one of those things that really piss me off. therapy is about creating a safe space, putting your patients comfort first, listening, empathising, not judging, not mocking, not disrespecting, helping your patient open up, help them recover and make progress at their own pace. i mean. its so disgusting to see this. i’ve never had professional psychologist training, not as part of my degree or anything else, and i wrote a fic with steve going to therapy that’s 100% better than this bullshit we’re being served (and at the time i wrote the fic, i had never been to therapy, only counselling, which is very different). how come? why cant they, with their budget and their resources, their ability to conduct extensive research and even hire consultants, not do a better job with this part of the show? disappointing. truly.

maybe i don’t know exactly what’s going on, plotwise, or whatever, but like, if i dont like what i’m seeing, why would i invest more time to find out more about the show? the mcu has been steadily declining since 2016, lets be real. civil war, infinity war, endgame... this was all an absolute shitshow. fatws can only do so much with the canon they are being given to work with, without outright retconning everything, but even so... it’s weak. i always thought the writers wouldnt be able to write anything thats half as good as the stuff fans come up with and... i think i was right.

thanks for the question.

[hoodwinkd1]

the stars that shine - Ch 3

Ch 2 here.

Chapter 3: I was sixteen when suddenly

“Excuse me, esteemed guests,” the herald called out. “A toast, from Queen Mother Georgina.”

The room silenced quickly, people putting down their dessert forks and picking up their flutes.

Hollin watched his mother rise, fixing her skirts and simpering at the crowd. “My dearest friends, thank you all so much for joining us for such a wonderful evening to celebrate Adarlan’s future.”

They couldn’t all be her dearest friends, could they? Considering Hollin didn’t recognize over half the faces, he highly doubted it.

“The fall harvest has produced more bounty than anyone predicted, so tonight is to celebrate the hard work of our farmers and all those who financially support them.” She paused for a moment, allowing light applause to flutter through the room.

He caught Dorian’s eye. Although the King looked engaged and supportive externally, Hollin could read the boredom oozing from him. They shared a look, both thinking that this dinner couldn’t celebrate farmers if none had been invited.

“And of course,” Georgina continued. “Tonight is celebrating my son as well. Happy birthday, Hollin. May this year provide even more success for you and the kingdom.”

She raised her glass against his, then sat down.

“Thank you,” he muttered, taking a large sip of champagne. “The dinner is...lovely.”

His mother preened. “Oh, of course my dear. Anything for your sixteenth.” She sighed and drank half her glass. “I cannot believe how grown up the two of you are. I remember, oh it feels like yesterday, when you first rode a horse--”

Her closest courtiers leaned in to hear the story, right as Hollin tuned her voice out. Only one glass, and he could sneak off while pretending to “work the room.”

Luckily, Dorian jumped in as soon as the story ended with him falling on a stable boy. “Hollin, would you join me? I spotted some people I should greet.”

His brother had been more supportive than usual in the past two year. After Hollin had begun his training, with a mortifying first lesson, Dorian had quietly stepped in to help. Although the two of them lacked the easy conversation between many siblings, they had come to some sort of arrangement. Hollin could find Dorian whenever he felt overwhelmed, without fearing judgment or scorn.

“Do you think she’s ever met a farmer?” Hollin wondered, as they navigated past tables. “Actually spoken to one before?”

Dorian chuckled. “I always forget how sheltered she’s been as Queen. Even during the damn war, Mother was too far away to interact with any soldiers or common people.”

“So was I.” The words flew out of Hollin’s mouth before he could think.

Dorian stopped walking. “What? You were a child.” He turned his head sharply. “Hollin, you can’t possibly feel guilty for-”

“Your Highnesses!” A family approached them. Hollin recognized the parents as Ladies Bernice and Nerissa Finnick, who oversaw much of the sea commerce in Rifthold, leading three of their children towards the princes.

Nerissa reached out a deep bronze hand. “Excuse the interruption. If you have a moment, Your Majesty, I would like to request a meeting for next week.”

Dorian took her hand and smiled warmly. “Of course. Hollin, have you met the Finnicks yet?”

Maybe his brother didn’t have his back all the time.

“Yes, Anya and I have had some classes together.” He nodded at the middle daughter.

Anya stepped forward as the adults began some boring conversation. “These are my brothers, Galen and Sebastian.”

“Nice to meet you,” Hollin responded, shaking both of their hands. He hated the formality these parties required, since most of his peers treated him quite casually in other settings. “Are you enjoying the evening?”

Galen smiled. “The food was excellent, so I can’t complain.” Hollin had to glance up to look at him, the whole family annoying tall, tan, and beautiful.

“Have you heard any news from Terrasen?” Anya asked. “From Evangeline?”

He wasn’t sure how to answer her question, whether she simply meant to further the conversation or if she wanted a certain piece of information. “Nothing...particular, but the royal family seems to be doing well.”

“Ah, well. I’ve written to her a few times, but she hadn’t mentioned any plans to return. We all miss her so much,” Anya sighed.

Oh. Apparently everyone on this damn planet loved Evangeline and expected them to be best friends.

“I’m sure she knows she’s welcome here anytime.” Hollin took a step back. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a few more guests to greet.”

He was lying, of course. Hollin snuck into the kitchens as soon as he maneuvered past prying eyes, content to finish the evening with another round of dessert and absolutely no more niceties.

---

Thick snow layered Orynth, as it always did in late winter, but the dining room inside the palace was downright toasty. Evangeline’s gaze kept catching on the massive window across from her, the white powder falling down in countless patterns and twists.

“Excuse me, Queen speaking!” Aelin called out, tapping a knife against her champagne flute to command everyone’s attention. “I’d like to make a toast.”

Evangeline started at the interruption, turning away from the snowfall, as Lysandra rolled her eyes from the seat next to her. “Just keep it brief, Galanthynius. Today isn’t about you.”

Aelin pouted for a moment, garnering laughs from the table, then shrugged her shoulders. “Fair point.” The two women shared a grin before she turned to face the larger group.

“Today is about two of my favorite people,” she began. “Lysandra and Evangeline, I am incredibly happy that we all came together to celebrate such happy news.”

Aedion leaned across the table and caught Rowan’s eye. “‘Two of my favorite people’ and we aren’t even included? Pure misandry,” he muttered. The silver-haired Fae chuckled lightly.

“Exactly,” Aelin shot back. “Now hush, male. Eva, even with the most chaotic group of parental figures, has managed to grow into one of the kindest, wisest, and most genuine young women I have ever met. I hope this year brings you joy and fancy jewelry, both of which you deserve plenty of. Happy sixteenth birthday, my darling.”

Evangeline blew her aunt a kiss. She couldn’t put into words what this entire evening meant to her, how unbelievable it was that the Queen and King of Terrasen hosted her birthday dinner. She glanced down the table, smiling at all of the family and friends that looked at her with such love in their eyes.

“Lys,” Aelin continued. “My best friend. You took care of me, and so many other people in this room, when we needed it most, giving you more than enough practice for this next chapter in your life. I think I might actually be more excited than Aedion for this baby.”

Aedion leaned back in his chair. “Not possibly, cousin.”

“Didn’t I already hush you?” Aelin scrunched her nose. Evangeline held back a giggle at their dynamic. “Anyway, I can’t wait to force Adara to befriend your child, just so we all have another excuse to spend time together. Cheers to these two beautiful women.”

“Cheers!” The whole table cried out, glasses clinking and liquid sloshing.

Lysandra tapped her glass of sparkling juice against Evangeline’s. “I’m a bit sad that you get to drink alcohol while I can't. I always imagined sneaking you liquor on a ladies’ night.”

Aedion put down his juice as well. The couple had agreed that if Lys couldn’t drink, neither of them could. “I always wanted to take her to one of the taverns in Rifthold. Watch little Eva drink her first ale while taking men for all their worth in cards.”

“I’m not that good,” Evangeline laughed. “And anyway, this is a very classy way to have my first, proper glass of alcohol.”

“Proper?” Rowan interjected, bouncing the crown princess on his leg. “Does that mean you’ve had an improper drink before?”

Aelin gasped. “My devious little angel”

“No!” Evangeline scrunched her nose. “I just meant, first drink beyond accidental sips and tasting it from your glasses. You’re all horrible.”

Aedion shrugged. “My first drink was when I was fourteen. Stepped off the battlefield and took a very large sip of something disgusting.”

Lysandra patted his knee affectionately. “That’s a terrible story. We probably all had bad experiences during our first time.”

“First time? Lys, you make it sound like something dirty,” Aelin teased. “My first time was quite romantic-”

“Really? Bringing him up at a nice dinner?” Rowan drawled. “In front of our child?”

Evangeline finally stopped trying to hold back her laughter and huge smile. She would miss this family, miss the ease and joy that came with every conversation during her next round of travels.

----

Evangeline all but threw herself onto the lavish bed, too exhausted to even consider taking a bath, though she most definitely needed one. Banjali might be the loveliest city she had ever seen, if not remarkably warm in the early springtime.

She had a week left in Eyllwe, with most of that time spent travelling. Aelin had pulled her aside before her visit, and asked her if she would be prepared for a visit to Calaculla to demonstrate Terrasen’s grief for the horrors committed there. Evangeline, of course, agreed to the detour.

As if to make up for the depressing finish to her stay, the Ytgers’ had ensured her time in the capital city was as happy as possible. The younger crown prince in particular put in the most time and effort to show her around the city. Evangeline didn’t mind, not when Deji was nice enough to look at.

She sat up at the sound of a sharp knock. “Time for dinner,” Fenrys announced from the other side.

“I haven’t had any time to change!” Evangeline protested, scrambling towards the vanity, eyes widening in shock at the state of her hair. “I thought we had an hour!”

She didn’t love that this trip was chaperoned, but Lysandra and Aedion had insisted. The ship would travel past Skulls Bay, a place where Aelin had apparently made more enemies than friends.

“We would have had an hour, if you didn’t stop for cake on the walk back.” Fenrys opened the door carefully. “Can I come into the sitting room?”

“Ugh!” Evangeline huffed, pulling her hair out of its braids. She walked over to the entrance of her bedchamber and slammed the door between them shut. “I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes.”

She could hear him pacing around. “If we get any snide remarks for being late, I’m tattling on you to Aedion.”

Evangeline stuck her tongue out, although he couldn’t see her. She didn’t have time for a proper reply.

Seventeen minutes later, the two of them walked down to one of the smaller dining rooms. The Queen stood at the entrance, looking impeccable as always. Evangeline looked...passable, clothed in a fresh, crimson dress and golden hair somewhat brushed.

“Hello, Your Majesty,” she greeted. “I hope we aren’t late.”

The Queen waved her off. “Tonight is a rather small affair, do not fret. Lord Fenrys, I hope you don’t mind that we planned on separating the children from the adults tonight? The boys have a couple friends with them and they do hate it when we eavesdrop.”

Fenrys puffed his chest a bit at the use of his title. “Perfectly fine by me. Assuming you can handle yourself, Lady Evangeline?”

“Of course,” she responded, her polite tone at odds with the elbow she shoved into his side when the Queen turned to lead them in.

Kharis, the elder prince, walked up to them. “Good evening. May I escort you in?” He offered up his arm, which Evangeline took with one last wave to the adults.

He steered her towards another door that he opened to reveal a room with a much smaller table. She was met with four pairs of eyes, only one of which she recognized.

“This is Lady Evangeline, from Terrasen,” Kharis announced.

“Oh please, just Eva,” she insisted. “Pleased to meet you.”

One of the girls stepped forward. “I’m Athaliah, and these are my siblings, Jethro and Phebe.”

They all took their seats then, and luckily, conversation flowed easily. The three of them were not nobility, but their grandmother had served with the Queen’s father. Evangeline didn’t quite understand how he had managed to get his daughter on the throne after an alleged rebellion against the former King, but she didn’t think it polite to ask.

Phebe and Deji seemed to have some special connection, joking on a level that suggested intimacy. Evangeline forced herself to feel any sort of disappointment at their banter. Even if she thought he had flirted with her, nothing actually happened.

“Would you like a drink?” The boy of her thoughts interrupted the conversation Evangeline was currently having with Athaliah. “We nicked some spiced wine.”

“That sounds lovely,” she replied. Deji handed her a glass, seating himself next to her on the couch.

“Where will you go next?” Athaliah asked, continuing on. “Back to Terrasen?”

Evangeline nodded. “My ward, Lord Darrow, is expecting me back in a few weeks. We have some additional time, but quite honestly, I’m excited to sleep in a familiar bed again.”

“Our accommodations aren’t good enough for you?” Deji teased.

Evangeline scrunched her nose at him. “Of course not! But I am unaccustomed to this heat so early in the year.”

Jethro called for his sister, the others beginning to play a card game of sorts. She left them alone on the couches, Evangeline scrambling for something to keep the conversation going.

“Can I show you something?” he asked.

Perfect. “How far is this ‘something’?” Evangeline brought the glass to her lips, enjoying the slow buzz of the wine.

Deji stood, holding out his free hand. “Not far. I wouldn’t dare make you walk for too long in this heat.”

She followed him out of the room, down the hall, and towards a large balcony that she hadn’t noticed before. He held open the opaque doors, gesturing for her to step out first.

Evangeline let out a small gasp at the view. From this angle, the ocean seemed endless, and the moon looked close enough to touch. Large, swaying trees framed the water’s edge. The entire scene glittered with starlight, more real than a painting, yet more beautiful than real life.

“This is...unbelievable.”

Deji leaned against the stone railing. “It’s my favorite view, especially at night. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t see and hear the ocean most days.”

Evangeline joined him on the railing. “You might have ruined me as well. I’ll miss this dearly back home.”

They glanced over each other at the same time, bringing a heated blush to her face. His skin was too dark to show it, but she prayed she wasn’t alone in this feeling.

“Can I kiss you?” she blurted out, then immediately covered her mouth with her free hand. Oh gods, she might as well fling herself from the balcony now. Evangeline wanted to blame the wine, but truthfully, one drink hadn’t clouded her judgement at all. “I’m so sorry, that was--”

Deji cut her off, grabbing her hand gently and holding it in his own. “I was afraid you were going to make me ask you.”

He leaned in then, pressing his lips against hers. Evangeline’s eyes fluttered shut, experimentally deepening the kiss and moving her mouth against his.

It was sweet, if not a bit clumsy and filled with nervous giggling. Everything a first kiss should be.

----

Dorian found him in the training ring, one morning. Hollin wanted to get reacquainted with walking up earlier, now that spring had arrived and the afternoons would soon be too warm for exercise.

"Do you need something?" he huffed, talking a second to chug some water. The endurance circuit was quite honestly kicking his ass.

His brother shrugged. "I feel bad that I didn't warn you last time, so I'm telling you in advance now. Evangeline and Fenrys Moonbeam will be staying in the palace for a few days on their way back from Eyllwe, arriving in one week."

Hollin spun on his heel, pretending to grab a towel to keep his face hidden. "It's a bit last minute for royal guests, isn't it?"

Dorian sighed. "They're dear friends, not courtiers. Perhaps we could do a more casual dinner, allow you the chance to get to know both of them better. I'm sure Fenrys would offer to train you a bit as well."

"Is that the purpose behind their visit? Give me training with a feared Fae warrior?" Hollin didn't cover the sarcasm in his tone.

"No, I believe Eva wanted to see her friends here, something she doesn't regularly get a chance to do. Are you done with the questions?"

"Yes. Fine. Whatever." He pushed himself up, abandoning the towel. A bath would do nicely for his aching muscles. "Add the required events to my schedule."

Dorian mumbled something under his breath, but thankfully turned to leave. Right before he re-entered the main hallway, he called out: "It wouldn't hurt you to have friends!"

"I have two!" Hollin called back. "Who needs more than that?"

[earnestly-endlessly]

Can i request Cherik fic rec of collage au? Pretty please? Extra cookie points if it’s long fic

Thank you for the request anon! I am so sorry how late this is, but I hope that this list will give you plenty of new fics to read and enjoy!! 

College/University Cherik AU 

** Where they’re both college/university students**

A Road Trip to Pennsylvania – Aainiouu

Summary: For a year Charles has nurtured the biggest and most embarrassing crush known to man towards Erik. They are friends and roommates and when Erik asks Charles to accompany him to home on Thanksgiving of course Charles goes.

Of kittens and teacups and love – Ren

Summary: Modern AU in which Charles and Erik are flatmates. Charles studies psychology and likes tea and chess and keeps bringing home stray kittens, and Erik lets him because he's maybe perhaps a little bit sort of in love with him.

Love Medley – ikeracity

Summary: Charles and Erik have been friends and roommates for two years. They've also, coincidentally, been in love with each other for two years. Neither of them has ever had the courage to admit it to the other, but Erik's new friendship with Magda and an untimely accident forces them to confront their feelings once and for all.

it was a red scarf semester – ikeracity

Summary: When Erik makes a bet that he can get into Charles Xavier's pants before the semester ends, he doesn't expect Charles to resist quite so much. And he doesn't expect Charles to change everything he thought he knew about mutants, friendship, and love.

Can You Feel My Heart – FuryRed

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr hates Charles Xavier.It’s as true as the words written on the wall in the bathroom at the university that Erik attends. Erik sees them one day- accompanied by a crude drawing of Erik and Charles glaring at each other- and recognises the truth of the sentence, and smiles.

He hates Charles. Probably…

Enemies With Benefits – bettysofia

Summary: Casual sex with your sworn enemy gets tricky once feelings get involved.

CMUniverse - Pookaseraph

Summary: A series of fics that star Tony, Charles, and Erik (and probably some others as the idea expands) at Carnegie Mellon University. Some are AU of each other, don't use logic.

Math Reasons - pearl_o, pocky_slash

Summary: "Mom says Erik always knows what he wants, it just sometimes takes him a little while to actually realize it," Ruth said.

Charles fell in love with Erik the first night they met, the first week of freshman year. Two years of friendship, adventures, arguments, hijinks, secrets, and summer visits later, Erik is starting to catch up.

Still Life with Cookies – stlkrchck

Summary: It wasn't fair that he only wanted Erik to draw him when Erik wanted to listen to him talk about how unfair the lack of emphasis that tenure committees placed on teaching ability was and tuck him into the hat and scarf and mittens that he wore even though it wasn’t properly cold yet and kiss his gorgeous, ridiculously red mouth and make out with Charles on the bed that he'd apparently wedged between the window and "pipes of some sort, don't ask me why there are pipes in my room, Erik," in his tiny dorm room.

Or: Charles is a nude model, and Erik is an art student.

The Pretender – Clocks

Summary: Charles is sick of having his best friend Erik drop to one knee and fake-propose to him in restaurants, just to score a free dessert. He doesn’t know which is worse: the complete embarrassment, or the likelihood that Erik doesn’t mean a word of it.

That time the System didn’t work – bluexlily

Summary: "pick each other up from bad dates" au

They had stablished The System a long, long time ago.

Since they became each other’s roommate, actually, and realized that they had more in common than their home state and decided they should be friends.

Whenever he or Charles is on a date, they send a first message after meeting the prospected boyfriend.

Accidentally Welcome to the Rest of Your Lives - Kianspo

Summary: Non-powered college AU. Erik and Charles have nothing in common until they end up having sex at someone's party. They don't have much in common after that, either, but find each other a hard habit to quit.

A Study in Advanced Lecherism - orphan_account

Summary: Charles has this thing he does when he's drunk. He gets completely lecherous. For some reason, that really pisses Erik off. Who knew?

Learning Curve – pocky_slash

Summary: (Non-powered college AU) Erik takes a trip back to campus to visit a despondent Charles and does his best to offer comfort.

Charles Does Not Buy a Shamwow - Madneto

Summary: Charles and Erik are spending the first few days of their university's winter break alone at Erik's mother's house. Then, Erik's mother decides to come home early unannounced... while Erik and Charles are naked on the living room couch.

5 Times Charles Had Nothing to Say and 1 Time He Did – BadLuckBlueEyes

Summary: Charles Xavier usually has a lot to say. But sometimes he doesn't and that's nice too. (Written for the prompt: Erik befriending and falling in love with mute!Charles)

Five Useful Signs When Dating Charles Xavier (a down under remix) – letosatie

Summary: Erik meets a fascinating mute boy and rapidly discovers sign language is useful.

Home Together (The Finding Our Way Remix) – significantowl

Summary: Erik is not the sort of person other students strike up conversations with. His expression, his posture, every part of his manner say: Don’t talk to me. I don’t want to talk to you. But none of that stops the boy ahead of him in line with the collapsible white cane, and nothing can stop Erik from falling for him, like it or not.

The Wall (a.k.a.  Erik Lensherr) – fkbunnyclub

Summary: Charles doesn't really want to have a crush on the cute stoic senior who keeps dropping by the library where he works who also has a pregnant girlfriend. Or so he thinks.

Building a fire – dedkake

Summary: Erik wishes he were in law school instead of med school, because then he would be researching the legal remedies for the doubtless thousands of violations his apartment building's slumlord owner, Sebastian Shaw, has perpetrated on his tenants.

On the bright side, maybe he can finally coax his bizarrely oblivious roommate, Charles into sharing his bed, or curling up together on the couch under many blankets. Purely for surviving the night, of course.

April Showers – ikeracity

Summary: Walking home in the dark in a rainstorm is not Charles' idea of a pleasant night. Of course, the stranger with the umbrella who offers to walk him home makes the experience infinitely more agreeable.

Alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei – Darksknight

Summary: “My mother has expressed that if I come dateless, I will be assigned one, to put it lightly. So, you see... well, I have a favor to ask. Erik, darling. Will you be my pretend boyfriend?"

Erik thinks it over for a second. "... No."

Mutant House at Dead Kings College – mabyn

Summary: When it comes to romance, Charles has terrible timing.

Best of Enemies – Black_Betty

Summary: Student and mutant rights activist Erik Lehnsherr is furious when the college newspaper chooses to interview his opponent Charles Xavier instead of him.

He's mad because of the politics of the thing. It nothing to do with how hot Charles looks in the picture accompanying the article.

Seriously.

The Luck You’re Born With – Lynds

Summary: College AU. Erik thinks Charles Xavier is an arrogant, rich brat, whose only redeeming quality is his intellect. Charles never disputes this image. Then through an accident Erik finds out that Charles has been long cut off from his family and is essentially a single parent to a ten-year-old Raven.

Like Roses and Wine – Schwoozie

Summary: Charles is not what you would call a “sports person” - but the promise of free kisses after the game, especially with one Erik Lensherr playing midfield, is a temptation Charles can't resist.

Every Song I Know – Fengirl88

Summary: “Erik,” Janos says wearily, “you had amazing sex with this guy. He obviously really likes you. You have, what, a month, six weeks left? You can spend it moping and hiding and worrying you're going to run into him. Or you can call him, have a good time, and figure out where you go from there.”

Erik groans. It's what he wants to do, so much it scares him.

[or, the one where Erik and Charles meet and fall in love as exchange students, break up, and meet again by chance seven years later]

Argue me tender, argue me true – Wild_Imagination

Summary: “You’re having your bad-boy crisis with seven years of delay, Charles.”

“Why must he spit out those hateful, misanthropic, science-free, separatist ideas of his with a face like that!”

Charles and Erik attend the same college, and they never, ever agree on anything. But that's fine, because Charles can't stand him. No, really.

Simultaneity – TurtleTotem

Summary: Trying to deliver roses to his girlfriend, Erik knocks on the wrong door -- but Charles is so happy to get them, how can Erik possibly tell him the truth? Love, lies and exhaustion follow as Erik tries to keep boyfriend and girlfriend happy and, most importantly, unaware of each other!

**Where one of them is a college/university student**

in the moonlight, on a joy ride – scarlettblush

Summary: Librarian AU. Charles is the young librarian and Erik is the college student who is completely besotted with him.

Mutually Beneficial Transaction – Pookaseraph

Summary: In his sophomore year at Columbia University, Erik, feeling slowly strangled by his mounting college debt, places an add on a sugar daddies website. He doesn't know exactly what to expect from it, but when he's contacted by a man named Charles who seems less creepy than the other people who have responded to his profile, he decides to give it a shot. Charles is nothing like what he expected, and Erik finds himself slowly falling in love with his sugar daddy while trying to find out exactly what caused this amazing guy to buy his emotional and sexual intimacy when he clearly deserves so much more than that.

Authority kink – aesc, Subtilior

Summary: “You’re going to be in your room, on Skype with full video, when I call you tonight, at … nine o’clock sharp, your time.”

Tonight.

Erik, a proud and surly graduate student, keeps his deepest, darkest desires under tight control. Charles, his genetics professor, keeps handcuffs on his copy of the university handbook. You can see where this is going.

An Ideal Grace – afrocurl, nekosmuse

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a visiting professor at Columbia University, as well as an acclaimed and award winning poet. Charles Xavier is a lead researcher with the Genetics Department who is well on his way to tenure. But what happens when Charles has to cancel a class because half his students abandon him in favour of a mysterious new English Lit professor? Naturally he ends up sitting in in the class, where Professor Lehnsherr mistakes him for a student. It's really too bad Erik has such a strict policy against dating students. It's also too bad Erik doesn't seem to know how to use Google.

Note: This is not technically a university/college AU, but I’ll let it slide because it’s one of the best cherik fics out there and for the majority of the fic Charles is in Erik’s class (even though, unbeknownst to Erik, he’s a professor as well).

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

This isn’t about French homework, is it? ( Sebastian Bach X Rachel Bolan)

A/N: This is for @boraxisme​ because we deserve more Skid Row fic content! this is a  HIGHSCHOOL AU

Summary : Rachel Bolan might have a crush on Sebastian Bach, and maybe Sebastian likes him back, but what happens when Dave and Scotti convince him to help them and Rachel with their French homeworks? 

(side Scotti x Dave)

Maybe somebody could say that was not a very good idea, but could you blame Sebastian?

He knew it could have been a prank, but honestly when he saw Rachel Bolan’s friends, aka his crush, inviting him to have lunch with them, he was ready to take the risk

He was still the new kid for most of the school, living in the USA for almost 5 months now, and even if he made friends easily and was far from being a shy guy, the pretty boy with the nose chain always made him feel weird things in his stomach. He shared math class together but he never managed to talk to him, maybe also because Rachel seemed very reserved and intimidating.

“C’mon blond, don’t be shy!” Scotti said, waving his hand. Scotti shared science class with him and he was a very cool guy, they get along pretty well.

While Sebastian was walking towards their table, Rachel tried his best to look interested in the food he was eating. It was frustrating how much that boy made him feel nervous and happy at the same time. He never had a problem with approaching girls, even if he was very reserved, but Sebastian always seemed to take all his coherent thoughts out of his brain.

Sebastian sat right in front of Rachel, as Scotti and another guy named Dave were not-so subtly kicking their friend under the table. The blond guy lift his gaze only for a minute, but as soon as he looked at Rachel’s face a little hidden by his hair, he felt butterflies in his stomach, and he decided that the food was the most interesting thing right now.

Even if his attention was somewhere else, he could still hear very clearly Scotti and Dave whispering very loudly that Rachel’s crush has shown up. And wow, Sebastian had never seen somebody blush so hard as Rachel was doing at that moment. He didn’t know if it was for the embarrassment of somebody thinking he could have a crush on the blond or because he really liked him (but that was not true, right? It was too good to be true!).

“So, Sebastian right? We wanted to ask a favor : Scotti, Rachel, Rob and I need to do a project for French class and well since you’re Canadian we thought you could help us a little with it. Can you do that?” Dave asked, as he kept looking at Scotti for some unknown reasons.

“I’m not the best at French but I guess I can help?” He said unsure, scratching his neck.

Honestly Seb should have been smarter, he should have known that it was very unlikely for those guys to take French class, but c’mon he would have spent time with Rachel! Who was he going to turn that offer down?

“Cool! Let’s see at 5pm at Rob’s house, alright? I’ll write his address down for you.” Scotti added and scribbled down on a napkin something, then handed it to Sebastian.

They still had 10 minutes left, so he ate his food and tried his best to listen to the boys talking about their crazy antics, but his eyes were dropping to Rachel’s face every minute. Sebastian could help but find him very beautiful and also so mysterious.

When Sebastian was not looking, it was Rachel’s turn to, even if still hated how the blond made him feel, he had to admit it was so nice to look at his gorgeous face every other minute.

The brown haired boy was so caught up to not noticed that now Sebastian was looking at him until their eyes met. And oh boy, Rachel felt fireworks in his stomach and warmth all over his chest, but quickly looked away, too embarrassed. Yet again, he enjoyed that feeling, deep down.

Seb was so grateful that the bell rang, because he was pretty sure that he was blushing. He didn’t know how the other boy felt, but he got totally lost into those eyes so warm and sweet, and he felt those familiar butterflies floating in his stomach.

They all split and went to their classes. Sebastian really hoped those hours were about to pass very fast ‘cause he couldn’t wait to spend some time with his new friends and get to know them. Totally it was not because of being close to Rachel.

Absolutely not.

---

At 5pm Sebastian was stalling in front of Rob’s house. His hands were sweaty, and he felt excited and nervous at the same time, so many questions floating in his mind : what if is it a prank? What if I make a fool out of myself by doing something wrong with him?

Ignoring all the questions, he rang the doorbell and soon after Rob appeared, a smile on his face.

“Hey Sebastian, you’re here! Come in, they are all waiting for you!” He said so excited, and led him into the living room.

However, he just found Rachel there, sitting with his legs crossed on the couch. Maybe Sebastian’s heart skipped a bit at the sight, but he would never admit it.

“Are not Scotti and Dave here yet?” He asked, trying his best to sound confident.

“They are upstairs, watching a movie. I’m uhm… they’ve not been 100% honest with you!” Rachel replied, looking down.

“Is all of this a prank?” The blond felt very stupid to have believed them, and also disappointed.

“No no. I mean they said the truth, someone needs your help in French, but it is just me!” The other boy quickly added.

“Then why didn’t you say it right away, at the cafeteria?”

“Because…. I can’t talk with you. I’m usually so okay with talking and making friends, but near you I shut down and freaking blush. And I don’t know why!” Rachel almost sounded angry, but he was just very frustrated.

“Well, I feel the same with you. You’re so badass and intimidating, you look like a freaking rockstar! But I promise you don’t need to feel like that with me, I’m just a big dumbass!” Sebastian said with a laugh.

“And the same goes for me. I think we should start studying, because I get distracted pretty easily.” Rachel smiled. “Especially with you near me” He wanted to add.

The blond really thought that he melted because of that smile, but that was only the beginning. Rachel made a little cute smile every time he pronounced right a very difficult word, and Sebastian tried his best to not look like he was about to melt or squeal.

Despite both of them hating the school, the two boys managed to study for a whole hour, maybe because they both pretended to be focused, while in reality they were looking at the other every five minutes, just to turn around to not get caught.

“Man I think it is enough French for today, do you fancy a beer? Rob managed to hide some in the fridge, so his parents wouldn’t have busted him.”

Sebastian simply nodded and Rachel reappeared soon after with two beers in his hands. He handed him one, and the blond really wished to not be that cliché, but he swore to God, he felt little sparkles in his heart as they touched.

They talked about general things, trying to get to know each other better. Rachel asked him about life in Canada and why he moved in the US, while the other boy asked him about his future and his life there.

“I wanna be a musician, dude. You know, playing bass in a punk band while fans scream at you! That sounds so awesome.” He answered with a huge smile, putting his empty bottle on the ground, and placing his hand on Sebastian’s one.

He was caught off guard, but he decided to intertwined their fingers, he didn’t know if he did it because of the alcohol or because he wanted to be brave. They stopped talking, Sebastian occasionally sipping his beer, and just enjoyed their presence. It felt so nice and good, the blond really wished Rachel couldn’t hear his heart beating fast, on the other hand Rachel hoped Sebastian couldn’t do the same with him.

Their little moment was interrupted by Rob, who bored because his favorite cartoon was over, he started to talk to the two boys. However ,he was too excited and invested in telling the story and eating his ice cream , to notice that his friend were holding hands, so they decided to stay like that.

“Hey, you guys started to drink already, that’s not fair!” Scotti said, coming downstairs.

The two boys quickly disentangled their hands, still Dave looked at the suspiciously.

“What do you have on your neck Scotti? It looks like a bruise.” Rob said innocently, still eating his ice cream.

“Yeah man it almost looks like a hick…”

“Hey, why don’t we play truth and dare?” Dave chimed in, interrupting Rachel.

“There was something going on. So he was not the only one with a huge crush for someone!” Sebastian thought.

Rob was immediately excited at the idea of playing, so he quickly grabbed the other beers, and he told everybody to sit in circle on the floor. Sebastian, Scotti and Rachel looked a bit confused, but they did as they were told.

“Since it is your house, I think we should start from you, Rob. Truth or dare?” Dave said.

“Uhm… dare!”

“Well I dare you to eat a pickle covered in mustard.”

Rob looked horrified, while all the other guys made disgusted faces.

“Ugh that’s gross. You know that I almost puke when I smell or eat mustard!” The boy protested.

“A dare is a dare. You can’t chicken out, you gotta do it.” Rachel said, firmly.

“Do you think he is going to vomit for real?” Sebastian asked the boy next to him, not very fond of the idea of seeing someone puking.

“ Nah, he’s a tough boy. Besides I think you’ve seen worse in your life, Blondie.”

“I bet you also have seen some nasty things, Rachie.” He was actually very surprised by his bravery.

Rachel looked at him and smirked. The tension was high but before he could get any closer to him, Rob came back with a covered in mayo pickle, and quickly put it in his mouth.

Long story short, he coughed and made a disgusted face, but he didn’t puke.

“So Scotti, truth or dare?” Rob questioned.

“Lay me with your best dare, man!” Scotti shoot back, sipping his drink.

“I dare you to do a lap dance on Snake.” Rachel smirked, while Scotti became as pale as a ghost.

Sebastian noticed that Dave he was more excited than scary at the idea.

Scotti awkwardly sat on Snake’s lap, while Rob put a CD on. The room was blasted with “Pour Some Sugar On Me”, and the brown haired man tried his best to dance as smoothly as possible, while Dave kept his gaze anywhere but the other boy.

“Scotti seems too good to be his first time!” The blond said, getting closer to Rachel.

“Well, when you enjoy who you are dancing on, it’s easier! I swear to God they are two idiots in love. But what do you know about lap dance, Sebby?”

He was a very surprised by the nickname Rachel gave him, but he still managed to let slip a little smile on his face, as he cheeks got a little warmer. The other boy noticed that, and kept staring at him intensely.

However before he could have said anything their friends had already finished, looking quite embarrassed but also happy at the same time.

“Wow that was steamy, I didn’t know Scotti had moves like that!” Rachel commented.

“Don’t laugh so much Bolan!” Scotti shoot back, a little embarrassed.

“It’s my turn I guess. I choose truth!” Dave said, as everybody groaned.

“You’re so freaking boring Snake!” Rob said.

“So tell us, do you have a crush on anybody in particular?” Scotti questioned quietly.

The other boy face went pale, as he started to stammer nervously.

“Ehm… no. Yeah, I don’t have any crush and I know this makes me a “virgin” or whatever but yeah. You can laugh as much as you want.”

Rachel looked at Sebastian, shooting him a “that’s bullshit” look, on the other end Scotti seemed quite disappointed.

“C’mon man don’t lie, it’s like saying that Rachel is not a very attractive guy with that piercing!” Sebastian exclaimed and suddenly the brown haired guy was really interested in playing with his nose chain.

“I-I… well I have a crush on someone… he is a guy and… fuck! I like Scotti, okay? I think he is amazing and I’m scared because I’ve never been with a guy before, let alone my best friend, so I don’t want to screw things up.”

Scotti smiled and hugged tighter his friend.

“I like you too, dickhead. But I think you already noticed that, we will have a talk in a more private place, without those idiots!” He linked his hand with Dave.

“Isn’t it beautiful when two lovers her together? Wish someone could do that to me!” Sebastian said dramatically.

“Are you waiting for me, darling?” Rachel said, wrinkling his eyebrows.

“Hey you two lovebirds, it’s Sebastian’s turn. Truth or dare?” Rob asked, still smiling. Rachel instead started blushing.

“Dare! I’m not lame like Snake!” The blond said, after some contemplation.

Dave gave him the middle finger, then he whispered something in Rob’s ear.

“Okay, I dare you to kiss the most attractive boy in this room!”

Sebastian was in absolute panic, at least internally. What was he supposed to do? Kissing Rachel and maybe face rejection and insults, or chicken out and then give the brunette the idea that he was not attracted? He seemed interested in him, but what if he just flirts like that with everybody?

You know what, fuck that! You only live once.

He turned his face to Rachel, gently cupped his face and kissed him in a sweet but also firm way. He was very surprised when the other boy kissed him back, his nose chain tickling Sebastian’s cheek, his lips still had a taste of beer on them.

They could have stayed like that for hours, but the door’s unlocking made me jump apart.

“Fuck! My parents are here. I promise them you would be out when they came back. Oh shit, the beers!” Rob said, quickly putting the bottles in the trash.

All the boys managed to get out of the back door, right before they heard Rob’s parents.

Scotti and Dave, still holding hands, said goodbye and walked down the street. Sebastian and Rachel hesitated for a moment, then they parted ways.

“See you tomorrow, Sebby.”

“You too, Sophia Loren!”

“ Wait really? Sophia Loren?!” Rachel asked confused.

“Rachel is a girl’s name, anyway. So that’s fitting!” The blond replied with a laugh.

---

The next day

Sebastian felt a light tapping on his shoulder. He turned around from his locker, and meet Rachel’s brown eyes.

“Can we talk in private for a minute?” He questioned, trying to sound confident.

The other boy was confused and a bit scared, but nonetheless he led him to the toilets. He just hoped that the previous day’s events were not all a prank.

“Did you really mean it? Our kiss, the most attractive guy thing. Did you mean that?” Sebastian was surprised to see Rachel being somewhat scared.

“I did, I do! I-I guess I’ve always had kinda of a crush on you.” He admitted and Rachel smiled.

A wonderful smile that made the blond’s heart melt and beat fast at the same time.

“Good, because I do too.”

“You still own me a truth or a dare!” Sebastian blurted out, as he remembered of the day before.

“I choose dare.”

“ I dare you to come to a date with me, next Saturday.”

“That’s not even a dare! And I’d love to!” Rachel said with a smirk, linking his hand with Sebastian’s one.

They got out of the bathroom, still holding hand, until they had to slip ways to go to their class. Before he entered the classroom for science class, Rachel gave him a quick peck on the cheek.  

As soon as he got in, he spotted Scotti flashing him a big smile, with another weird purple bruise on his other side of his neck.

“Such lovebirds!” He snorted.

“Shut up, I can still see your hickey!” He said with a laugh.

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 76

~*~Sebastian~*~

Will texted they had picked up the food and were on their way, no more than ten minutes out. Emma wiped down the table while I pulled out beers. She was closest so she got the door. Will hugged her, looking at me strangely, then brought the food toward the table. The women hugged and stood there talking while the door closed.

Will glanced over his shoulder and almost whispered at me, “Did you do that to her hair?”

I smiled.

“Practice more.” He started pulling things out of the bag. “And don’t let her go outside like that.”

“Stop it, Will.” Alissa pulled me into a hug.

“No offense, Pippi Longstocking. I mean, Emma.”

Emma made a face, “I don’t know who that is.”

“Don’t look it up.” Will looked at me, “Want me to teach you to French braid your girlfriend’s hair?”

“Shut up and I hate you.” Truth was, yes, I think that would be easier than her trying to teach me. Partly because she’d be doing it backward and I wouldn’t know what was going on. Partly because there was a high probability of the effort being aborted and the whole thing just being foreplay.

I was being a good boy with chicken and roast vegetables. Meanwhile, Emma had a ridiculously juicy medium-rare hamburger and fries. Emma and I both made obscene noises with our first bites. She covered her mouth and looked across the table at our guests. "We didn't eat dinner last night."

Will smirked, "We had an amazing standing rib roast with the family."

We traded stories of our evenings and Alissa filled us all in on what happened after Emma and I went home. It sounded like we'd missed a crazy after-party, but we had our own good time. We stayed talking at the table after the food was gone and I'd fetched another round of beers.

"You offered to get cocaine for your girlfriend who went to rehab for cocaine?"

I laughed, looking at one of my best friends. "In hindsight, not my best idea."

He was looking at me like I was an idiot. Shaking his head, he shifted his attention to Emma, "How long have you been sober?"

"I have no idea." I put my hand on the chair behind Emma, barely touching her. Emma made a face and looked like she was searching. "May 2007. I was sixteen."

Alissa did the math, "Twelve years."

"I never kept track because I didn't have a problem. My parents did not believe me. I was the captain of the Varsity Volleyball team. We had random drug tests. The only time I used during the season was if we had a long break. That's not addiction it's recreation."

"And you never used again?"

She shook her head, "When I got home, I was peeing in cups daily and didn't want to go back to the facility. It was a rule at Ed's and it would have wrecked me to disappoint him. We practiced year-round in college. Jimmy barely even drank. When we broke up and I moved in with Eli and Angie I really wanted to. But..." she shrugged with a smile and a sigh, "That wouldn't have been recreation or a none too original way to say fuck you to a boyfriend who cheated on me. Seemed like a slippery slope. Then it'd just been so long I wasn't interested."

I wanted to ask. "Had Keaton pulled out coke, would you have?"

She nodded, "Probably. That would have fallen under recreation. It would have been fun."

"At the risk of sounding very old."

The three of us looked at Will and said, "Too Late."

He flipped all of us off, "Emma, what you chose to do is up to you. I think an after-party with your musician friends may feel comfortable, maybe too comfortable. There'd be a risk of overdoing and you don't have a tolerance or any idea how you'll react."

I lifted my beer to my lips, "Good point". It’s ludicrous to think I wouldn't have been watching for just that.  Actually, it’s not. I was pretty stoned.

Emma barely glanced at me when she got up and went around the table to get to Will. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheek, "Thank you. For asking, and caring, and warning."

Will thought she was kidding. "It's been twelve years. It'll be like the first time."

She moved back, keeping her arms around his neck, "I'm being serious. Thank you. That was very sweet."

"Oh, you're welcome." He hugged her and said something that made her smile. Will rolled his eyes and smirked at me, which I knew was directed at me and not at the interaction between him and Emma. He was smiling nicely before Emma sat down. He looked at me, "Where's your laptop?"

Hell, if I know. I had it yesterday while Emma was shopping. I looked over at the table in front of the couch. Nope.

"On the chair in the office." Emma pointed toward the room.

"Thank you." I pulled on one of her braids before I went to get it.

Will pulled up a Google doc with links and notes to about a dozen places from Maldives to Bora Bora. I nixed any place with a flight over eight hours. I was traveling a lot in the next month and didn’t want to start a vacation with another long flight. We narrowed it down to three places for a variety of reasons that included too many mosquitoes and a lack of lizards. Emma liked lizards. Will, Emma, and I picked different islands, so Alissa was the final vote. She voted with me, but no one was upset with the result. The villa on Turks and Caicos had five bedrooms (one more than we needed), a pool, and a private beach. Perfect.

An hour Later Will's travel agent had us booked in and on a non-stop four-hour flight.

We updated Will's travel doc with all the information and started adding things to do. He shared the doc with all four couples, so we could add and comment. Not that we'd be joined at the hip for the whole trip, but some things were more fun in a group.

A few hours and many laughs later Will and Alissa headed home. I leaned against the door, hooking Emma around the waist, pulling her in tight. I liked how she was with my friends and was excited to have her with more of them on an island. More importantly, I liked how I was with her and my friends. I can tell the difference. I’m relaxed and everything that goes with feeling relaxed.

Right this second with Emma's body fitted against mine I was not quite as relaxed. I put my hand on the back of her neck and brought her to my mouth. Kissing her. Claiming her. Finally, letting her go. "I need to finish up some stuff from yesterday. Maybe two hours?" I said it in the form of a question hoping she'd not be angry.

She nodded quickly, "Ok." She pointed down the hall. “I'm going to finish my laundry and make the bed."

"No, we'll do that later."

"Don't be silly." She went to her toes and kissed me. "Will it bother you if I practice?"

"No, I've got a few things to watch. I'll have on headphones."

"See you in a bit." She ran her fingers down my chest letting them drift away before touching my cock. Tease. I loved her little smile as she wiggled her nosey fingers at me. "I love you."

"Love you." So damn sexy.

I made myself walk to the couch before I followed her down the hallway. Focus. Focus. Focus.

I did well for an hour and forty-five minutes when Emma came back into the room. She sat in the chair diagonal and started to read. She is doing nothing to distract me, which I find very distracting. Her ignoring me is sexier than if she was stripping. I’m sure that says something about me. For one, I’m a liar. Her stripping would be much sexier.

One hour and fifty minutes. I crooked my finger, patted the cushion next to me, and lifted my arm. Emma uncurled her legs slowly and moved next to me, settling with her back against me. She went back to reading. I pretended to pay attention to the laptop on my lap instead of the woman I wanted there.

One hour and fifty-three minutes. I ran my fingers along the skin above the collar of her t-shirt. Emma shifted a little where my fingers were on her breast. I could feel the thinness of her bra and limited my touch to the swell above.

One hour and fifty-seven minutes. I have given up restricting my exploration. I’ve decided it's time to make the decision between my fingers and my mouth a more difficult one. Her stiffening nipple approved.

Two hours. I moved her enough to allow me to put my laptop on the table. My headphones too. I pulled her over my thigh, between my legs. Cradling her in my arms, I rubbed my nose against hers before kissing her.

"Are you finished?"

I moved my hand between her legs, keeping my touch light. Barely skating over her shorts. "Enough. How was practice?"

"Fine. Laundry done too."

"Good." I kissed her, deeper and longer this time. My touch intensified.

Emma spread her legs, moving one foot to the floor, and pressing herself into my hand. "Are you finished too?"

"Not even close." I smiled, "Oh, you mean work. Yes, done with work."

"So, it's playtime?"

I felt my eyes and smile widen, "It is playtime." I pulled the tie on her shorts and wiggled my fingers into her panties. “I worked hard for two hours. I deserve a reward." I dipped a finger inside her then started circling her clit.

She curled her hips into my touch. "This is your reward."

"You bet." I licked the middle of her top lip. "I get to watch you come."

She closed her eyes and laid her head against my shoulder. "I'm going to relax and let you enjoy your reward."

"Mmm, ok."

Relaxation didn't last long. A combination of light fingering and finger fucking had her squirming, biting her lip, and licking them. I couldn't resist. Didn't want to. When I kissed her, her hand went to the back of my head and kept me where I had to keep kissing her. It wasn't a hardship and I didn’t fight.

I had to hold on tight to her squirmy body. Hard to tell which she liked better. By the time she was close, and I could tell when she was close, I was slamming into her pretty hard. In the end, it was the finger fucking that pushed her over. She ripped herself away from the kiss and shattered in my arms.

I watched.

Emma laid her head back on my shoulder. "Well."

I leaned in and kissed her chest, "Next time I ask if you want my fingers or my mouth it might be a harder decision."

She looked at me, eyes and mouth wide open, "Did I bruise your ego? Was this some sort of revenge finger banging?"

"No, but that sounds fun."

She laughed, "It does, doesn’t it?"

I lifted her over my other leg and crawled out from under her leg. "Stay here. Take off your pants."

I should have planned ahead. Emma had stashed condoms around her place. I need to do that. I had made a plan though. It involved going to find her in either the laundry room or in my bedroom, separating her from her clothes, and making love to her. Wasn't working out that way.

I had my clothes off and the condom on by the time I was halfway down the hall. I stopped dead in my tracks as soon as I saw her stretched out on my couch one leg hooked over the back of the couch the other foot on the floor. I know, I know, I know, I've seen it all before and up much closer. It doesn't matter. Beautiful woman spread out, legs wide, on my couch, with the sunlight just starting to fade. I hope to hell that never gets old and always knocks the breath out of me for a few seconds. I took a moment to enjoy the view. Emma saw me and smiled. That took my breath away too.

I knelt on the couch, kissing her ankle, and running my hand down her leg. By the time my hand was between her legs, my cock was there and I guided myself inside her. She felt incredible. Wet. Tight. Warm. Half a dozen slow strokes later I laid over her, supporting myself on my elbows. The feel of Emma's fingers on my waist almost burned, the warmth sinking into me. She held onto me, her grip tightening when I hit just the right spot. This was good, but not what I wanted, how I wanted to come. I pulled out and sat back on the couch, taking her hand to pull her over me. Emma straddled my legs and immediately took me back inside her. It was my turn to hold her waist. She braced herself with her hands on my shoulders. The apartment was silent except for the sounds of us.

Emma rode me slow and easy until both of us needed more. She picked up the pace and I guided her harder. Her kissing my neck was what triggered my orgasm. I held her down on me and as soon as I could I laid Emma back down on the couch, going down on her to finish what we'd started. It didn't take long for her to be holding onto my arm and breaking the silence with my name.

We spent the rest of the night curled up on the couch watching a movie. We laughed, kissed, and fed each other popcorn. I don't remember the last time I had such a good simple night.