#i just dont post about them often because i just know myself i will write a lot just like i do with my hogwarts inquires series

[triglycercule]

if dust takes off his hood and scarf then nobody can recognize him. he has literally no permanent traits that make him recognizable (which actually kinds upsets me because,,,,, there is no physical representation of his character development from sans to dust BUT EAAHHHH whatever,,, we cope with it.) but in like a silly goofy comedic way. it's like perry the playapus ans dr doofenshirmst (incorrect spelling but only by societies standards)

dust with hood down and no scarf

killer: a sans?

he puts on the scarf

horror: a GENOCIDE sans???

the hood goes up

killer: DUST SANS AKA MURDER SANS AKA DUSTTALE SANS FROM HIT AU DUSTTALE?????

horror's skull breaks a second time on the other side from sheer shock

[superconductivebean]

#1364

tonight, in a dream, i was writing a huge essay about how the witcher 3 feels in general and how lousy hl feels put to contrast. should i write it some day

[valtsv]

man i love seeing your art. there is a noticeable improvement with every one of them that i love seeing! i can see the love in all of them! and something i love in particular is that you dont care how 'cringe' any of it might seem (im using the term loosely and not thinking that myself, i just know how people can get sometimes) and i know youve talked a little about struggling with an aspect of a piece but doing your best anyway and being proud of the outcome and thats something i really admire. as a kid and into my early teens id just draw whatever i wanted regardless of how 'good' it was because it brought me joy, but as i got older id stress more and more and the details. this composition is weird, the proportions are wrong, i cant draw a hand to the same skill level as the rest of the work etc etc and it killed the love in creating a bit for me. i often think back to drawing my ocs as a tween where i was covering an eye with hair because i couldnt get them symetrical, or hiding the hands in sleeves and drawing lace for no reason other than it was fun, and missing that joy and freedom. i feel like your art showcases that exact feeling i miss, and everytime you post a drawing i want to just draw my guys doing whatever however for the fun of it again. honestly, your art is very inspiring in that aspect, and its a joy to see you have fun and improve with every piece. thanks :^)

this is such a lovely comment?? i definitely do struggle with the perfectionism you mentioned behind the scenes, but ultimately if i hold myself to standards that are unachievable at my current skill level then i'm never going to get good enough to reach them. and i am having fun and putting all the love i have into my work, so i'm so glad it shows! thank YOU for taking the time to write such a kind and encouraging message <3

[nordidia]

May I request some pain, Raph flavored

Pretty pleaseeeee

i hope i dont sound angry writing this, but please dont send/ask me stuff like this! i've gotten a lot of similar asks like this and this is scary for me but i need to set a boundary!

.

i dont like making "angst" or sad things, i dont make non-happy content for the sake of inflicting pain, and i dont like people assuming/thinking i do! i make it for meaningful emotional impact, i dont want people to tell me how much they like that i "put raph through pain" or assume im appealing to people who like doing that .. it makes me very sad!

i dont make "angst" to purely hurt characters, im making fanart of a character with emotional depth, and to explore the character's reaction to serious matters, and to let people know that theyre not alone, and that struggling can look like many things

some of the most motivating things ive been told by people who like my comics is that it's helped them (and their therapist sometimes!) figure out what was up with them, because i write a lot of things such as ptsd and anxiety and general mental pain to look different than the media portrays. because there really is alot of forms mental issues can take, and not all of them get portrayed, which leaves real people wondering "whats wrong with me" when its right there, just different form!

i think the closest i'll get to making it "just because" is vent art, but that too has meaning. and i will specify when its vent art for that very reason. to say "this isnt necessarily me exploring anything, or canonical, its to make myself feel less alone, and hopefully, the people seeing this as well"

and thats why i make the content i do, its not because i enjoy putting characters i like through bad things,,, in fact, i often hesitate/regret posting because i feel bad about the things i create for the sake of this. but i try to look past it because it can genuinely help a lot of people, and it does help myself too.

i think that assuming i make emotional stuff just for the sake of pain takes away from that.. i try very hard to not over-do sad stuff and i often cut down on it because i dont want to overwhelm people with it, and to prove that i only do the necessities for the sake of healing from the things i put emphasis on

any of the pain i "put them through" is my take on what they've canonically been through, and exploring their reaction and way to deal with the aftermath of that. nothing more,,, nothing less.

ugly things are still worth talking about, especially for the sake of healing growth

this got alot i hope i made sense uhh yeah!! yeah.,, apolocheese!!

TL;DR: i personally make pain for the necessity of healing, not because i think its fun

and now back to our regularly scheduled program

[mimikyuno]

trans representation: my hopes and fears about mizuki5 🏳️‍⚧️

im writing this post so that i can keep a record of all of my current thoughts on the upcoming n25 event, which im fairly certain will come soon (september?). i just. i have a lot of thoughts on this topic and i wanna share them before the event drops.

disclaimer: i am tme, and while i am not cis, i am not transfem.

depiction of transfeminine characters in anime has been quite… how do i even put this into words. trans women are depicted as either a joke, or as an “otokonoko” which for brevity’s sake let’s translate to femboy (i highly recommend on reading on the history of the term though). the trope of “tr*ps” was quite common, and used for comedic effects. i think of ruka from steins;gate, who is clearly a trans woman; she has dysphoria, asks okabe to go back in time so she can be born biologically female etc. yet, her womanhood is never taken seriously. “she’s a dude after all.”

i have already written a small post about the history of the “otokonoko” label and the way trans women consistently get third gendered in the anime scene so i won’t repeat myself. the thing is, many transfem characters i have seen in anime are either uncracked eggs or, when out, are often not taken seriously by the rest of the cast. a lot of transfem characters i know of fall in between being an uncracked egg and being out; these would be the very many “girly boys” who identify as male, while living their lives as women and being happy about passing, while people around them who know about their agab either treat them as men or third-gender them. for example, kuranosuke from kuragehime stays an egg throughout the series. as i mentioned in a previous post, i see makoto from the currently airing senpai wa otokonoko as a closeted trans girl struggling with internalised transphobia. she has dysphoria, is happier and feels like her “real self” when presenting as a girl, displays gender euphoria when she passes, and more. narratively, she is coded as a girl. i havent read the manga, but i know the author drops the ball, and makoto never gets to come out in the series.

i can only think of a handful of trans women who are both out AND are taken seriously within the narrative. for example hana from tokyo godfathers, nao-chan from skip and loafer, or isabella from paradise kiss (iirc). though i have not watched these anime, i know that lily from zombieland saga, alluka from hxh, seiko from lovely complex and shuuichi from wandering son also tick both the “out of the closet” and “taken seriously” categories.

the situation is slightly different in manga. in manga, i have always found more trans representation (both transmasc and transfem). however, before we move on to mizuki, i really want to talk about one of my favourite mangas, namely “love me for who i am”, aka fukaboku (anime adaptation when ;-;). this manga revolves around mogumo, a non binary teen who is struggling to make friends. their classmate, a cis boy, mistakes mogumo for an otokonoko, and invites them to work at the crossdressing cafe that his sister (a trans woman) owns. mogumo is initially upset; they are not a girly boy, they are non binary. mogumo is reassured that the cafe is a place for people to be who they are, and they dont have to identify as an otokonoko to work there. this strikes a nerve with mei, one of the kids working there, who is a closeted trans girl. throughout the manga, these characters all come to be more and more unapologetically themselves. lgbt themes are addressed constantly (they even go to a pride parade!!) and the trans women depicted in this manga are some of the best written ones i have come across. because they are actually acknowledged as women.

the reason why i want to talk about fukaboku before discussing mizuki, is that the 4 kids who work at the cafe cover the spectrum of “crossdressing boys” we usually see in anime, though taking it a step further with mogumo and mei. firstly we have ten-chan. he mostly identifies as a boy. he likes anime and manga and cosplaying, he’s into girls (but also hinted to bi maybe? i need to reread this), and he’s an adorable weirdo. to him, dressing as a girl in the cafe is fun, clothes have no gender to him. then there is sou, who is gay and also identifies with his agab. sou has a boyfriend, and the cafe is the only place where he gets to gush about him and feel accepted. he likes cute clothes but always dresses masculinely outside the cafe. then there’s mogumo. as mentioned, mogumo is non binary. they like cute things, so they sometimes like feminine clothes like the maid uniform they wear at the cafe, but they actually prefer a cute androgynous style (they often wear shorts instead of skirts). lastly, mei (my fave, my daughter, light of my life). at the beginning of the manga, mei is a closeted trans girl. initially, she resents mogumo for rejecting the “girly boy” (otokonko) label that she thought she had to embrace to survive and be who she is. thanks to mogumo’s courage, and the guidance of two older trans women (one of which is the owner of the cafe and the other is her friend, who works in fashion), she finds a more stable sense of herself, and canonically and textually identifies as a girl.

AND NOW, onto mizuki. first things first, i see her as a trans girl. her struggle with her identity, the way she presents, her history of bullying, dysphoria (the covered mirrored), and depression (in middle school, before transitioning), visual metaphors (all the pink and blue symbols, i should make a post about this tbh) all hint at her being trans. i really dont think mizuki is an otokonoko; typically, in anime narrative, when there is an otokonoko, the fact is revealed early on, and the struggles are about being accepted as a boy who dresses like a girl or as a funny gag (tr*p). tbh, i think it wouldnt make sense for mizuki to be an otokono. if she were, her main struggle would be to accept that she wants to dress as a girl. once accepted, the arc should be resolved. and she wouldn’t be scared to say “hey im a boy” when people assume she’s a girl. especially with niigo? they met online when she was still pre-transition, if she was an otokonoko it would have made more sense if niigo thought she was a boy, and then irl saw that she looks like a girl and THAT would have been the obstacle. but that is not the case with mizuki. she is happy in people assuming she is a girl, and is terrified of being outed. that is not in line with the trope of otonoko. in fukaboku, we have two characters who are Actually “girly boys”, ten-chan and sou, and neither are like mizuki at all. they dont present femininely with their family nor at school. mizuki is way more similar to mei, when it comes to gender presentation and identity. characters who are similar to mizuki from other media and who dont identify as girls all share the same trait: they are commonly regarded as eggs.

my hope for mizuki5, is that she gets to come out as trans to ena and the rest of niigo. mizuki being confirmed trans, indirectly or not, would make the most narrative sense, looking at her story, imagery, and the build-up for the reveal. and while i desperately hope this is the case, i am overwhelmed by fear. times are changing in the anime scene, and we got canonically gay and trans characters in similar games (the lesbian couple in d4dj or the trans girl in enstars). however, project sekai is massive in japan, and quite renowned internationally too. and that comes with expectations and pressures. when gundam witch from mercury finished airing, bandai namco had to issue a statement that the relationship between miorine and suletta was “up to interpretation”, despite the fact that the two literally get married. gundam is also a huge franchise, and bandai namco chose to issue a statement that would give them plausible deniability. not only is project sekai huge, but as i previously mentioned, representation of transfeminine characters overwhelmingly labels them as an otokonoko. i think the label of “otokonoko” is very useful when it comes to plausible deniability in media; u can see this character as a closeted trans girl, or as a crossdressing boy. you pleased the transgenders, and you pleased the transphobes. expect, u didnt please us. im gonna say it, i hate the crossdressing boy trope in animanga. in most instances, it’s a way to deny the character their identity, and in others, it’s treated as a means (willingly or not) to perpetrate violent and harmful transmisogynistic jokes and stereotypes. tho i will admit, i love a lot of “otokonoko” characters, tho for my mental health i tend to view as transfem nb or just trans women.

project sekai, with the massive reach it has, has the opportunity to give its audience a canonically transfem character. a character who is a fan favorite, whose story has, so far, been handled with so much love, kindness and understanding. mizuki could become the new standard, she could change the way transfem characters are portrayed in mainstream animanga for real. i know we have to let go of the expectations that queer characters have to verbally and explicitly state their identity for them to be taken seriously by the audience but fr i hope this will be the case for this event. i dont think most people would get it otherwise, and will just keep seeing mizuki as an otokonoko. which is in itself sad; being cishet is such a default, that gay and/or characters who never explicitly come out are either misunderstood or seen as a sign of “queerbaiting” (dont get me started on yuribaiting and how insane some of y’all are calling a show with gay women “yuribait” if they dont kiss or say “I AM A HOMOSEXUAL WOMAN).

mizuki’s and ena’s VAs told us to please be kind and understand the characters in preparation for the upcoming event. i hope they go for it. i really, really do. this could for real be a huge game changer in the industry. i see how project sekai keeps inspiring other shows and games (i should make a post about this too lol), so i hope mizuki won’t be third gendered, or shoved into the otokonoko label. i hope she gets to be herself. a girl. and be accepted as one by ena and the rest of niigo. it could be huge. or it could be a flop. no in between. which is why im both excited and terrified of this event. SEGA pls-

[twistedastrology]

- A Cancer's Appearance -

----------------------------------------------------------

yes i yap a lot about cancers but what do u expect im literally a cancer rising and i hate that everyone gets us wrong as fuck 😕

going orange this time bc i want color in my life rn-

ANYWAY ok so i saw a tiktok last night that was the rising signs and their appearance and Ofc they said cancers often have very soft, rounded features "like the full moon" and generally have very prominent chests and my spindly ass is watching that shit like No.

SO what do cancer placements actually look like!!! Bc i actually went thru the comments and saw a lot of cancer risings not relating and im like OK so it's not just me-

first off, i see ppl saying cancer risings look different compared to cancer suns or other placements and i have never noticed this myself. im not entirely sure why a rising placement would look different from a sun placement but what do i know i could just be an idiot-

ANYWAY-

in my experience, both personal and observational, cancers tend to be very lanky and spindly people-

they might have Slightly softer facial features but not without definition.

being their sister sign, ive noticed heavy capricorn placements tend to have jawlines of the gods, and so do cancers usually, just in a slightly different way.

capricorn bone structures generally look very <. Like very sharp and strong as if they have like no tissue on top of their bones and it's just skull and skin kinda- Cancer bone structures look very???? Not ) but like if < was a just Slightly more rounded- they have more muscle definition in their faces rather than bone definition if that makes sense.

^ to help u understand what im yapping abt, im bringing local 99% capricorn man awsten knight (lead singer of the band waterparks) to the table.

this motherfucker is so capricorn it's not even funny- he's got not 1, not 2 but SIX capricorn placements in his fucking chart- sun, mercury, mars, uranus, neptune and north node-

and unfortunately no face reveal yet but u gotta trust me when i say i look just fucking like him and i have 0 capricorn placements and like 0.5 earth placements in general.

i look like awsten if he was like a twinge more rounded like a TWINGE- i got the same sharpness right it's just like?? HAHAHAH it's like sharp corners of wood sanded down that's the difference- like sanded just enough so they're a little more rounded out but they're still pretty sharp edges u know what im saying-

(waterparks is an amazing band btw should totally check them out if u havent already they're in my top 3 all-time fav bands along with bad omens and korn)

and i have another topic abt cancers brewing in my head rn that ill have to write abt in a separate post but i dont think cancers are actually the crab i think they're the spiders- ill put an arachnophobia warning on that post bc ill probably put multiple spider images But i say that for several reasons-

one such being that most spiders are Very Spindly!!!!! they're 90% limbs!!! and the cancer placements that i know are Usually also 90% limbs, there being some exceptions ofc as always-

me personally ive always been extremely tall and lanky, i am indeed 99% limbs and for a while until i gained more muscle, looked malnourished 💔 (someone accused me of having anorexia at one point, that's a story for another day tho- i do actually have an eating disorder but not anorexia)

this could also be because im extremely mercury dominant but ive seen people say that mercurians are Short which makes absolutely NO sense to me at all- ill do a post on that at some point 💔💔

but i also consider cancers to be neptune ruled instead of moon ruled, and to me, neptunians would be very spindly.

all this to say that in my experience, cancers are not rounded or large chested, they tend to be very lanky, small-chested actually, potentially tall, and have very defined eyes for some reason or another-

in my case i have the most dark purple bags under my eyes you will ever see in your entire life (i got a sleep disorder that makes me legitimately nocturnal 🙏😔), and you can see like every emotion im experiencing in my eyes very easily IF u know me well enough (which my mom is the only one who can genuinely see everything)

i also have a REAL bad case of resting bitch face AND crazy eyes, which the crazy eyes i think are boosted by my mars conjunct asc and my uranus trine asc 🙏🙏🙏

one thing the tiktok said though that did make sense a little was "cancers are usually the spitting image of their mother, like copy + paste"

i dont think it's just the mother i think it's whichever parent you're closest to, but i Am a direct copy paste of my mom in both appearance and everything else tbh- and she's a cap rising + aries sun/mercury/venus- and we both have mars in cancer, but that's her only cancer placement so 🤔

once again this is my personal experience so if this checks out, god bless, n if it doesn't my bad i tried 🙏😔

plenty more cancer content to come i fear because there is So much that so many ppl get wrong about them 😕

[sorrowandchartreuse]

A writer's guide to describing passing out

Because i just passed out (again) and the second thing i thought of upon waking up was that glazed donut no mark save it for your art post, here is a list of what you could use when writing about characters passing out:

Beforehand:

you're going to feel really, really lightheaded. for me, that's what starts it all off. it's going to feel like when you stand up too fast, but it never goes away. your head doesn't clear

eventually, that lightheadedness feeds into a tv static sort of fuzziness. your head is whirring, almost. it's like a really drawn out buzz. you feel it in your forehead, in your jaw, in your ears.

your mouth starts to get thick, too. that tv static moves in there. your teeth start to feel fuzzy, especially the front and back ones.

by now, youre shaking and your limbs are heavy. at this point, i know to sit down, but it depends on your characters! is this regular enough of an occurance for them to know to sit? are they going to reach out to another character because they know what's going on? or are they going to reach out because they don't know what's going on? do their knees buckle and they fall while all alone?

it's all very disorienting at this point in the process. you have enough sense to form thoughts, but they're not all that coherent. words? not going to be that coherent either

During:

you can't pinpoint the exact moment you pass out. at least, i can't.

when you're passed out, there can be certain degrees to alertness. for example, i've had times where it feels like years pass but it's only a few seconds. i've had it feel almost like im in a really foggy dream. i've had times where i dont remember anything from it. most recently, i didn't remember passing out itself, but i remembered waking myself up from it. it was a very conscious struggle, where i knew i was passed out and i needed to wake up now

does your character remain somewhat alert? do they enter a dream-like haze? what's waiting for them there? i've seen faces and shapes there.

i personally can't feel when someone is touching me while i'm passed out, regardless of degree of alertness

do they know that being passed out is Just Not Right? do they wake themselves up?

Afterward:

you pee. that's just the deal. your bladder is going to release. i know this is not romantic, but like man thats just what happens.

peeing, like most things, could hold a plot point. who cleans your character up? or if they're on their own, how do they clean themselves up?

youre also drenched in sweat. just absolutely sopping in sweat. passing out loves the release of excess body fluids. its sexy like that

mention sweat on their neck, their forehead, their hair pressed down by it. do they wipe it off? do they have the strength to? if they don't, does someone else?

your face will have no color. describe this, but don't stop at the face. your character's lips will also be drained of it.

you will be wobbly. standing up, even sitting up, is going to involve a lot of shaking.

when you first talk, it won't be loud (fuzzy tongue, remember?) so it takes a couple tries to get what you want to say out. or if you do get it out right away, it surfaces extremely weak

it's important after you pass out to get fluids in you. not just water, but orange juice, cocoa, anything that will get you awake again. who gives this to your character? if there are multiple characters present when your character passes out, who won't leave their side and who runs to get something for them to drink, knowing it will help them?

your hands will shake lifting anything

it takes 3-5 minutes for me to regain color again

it takes about 5-10 minutes for me to feel normal again, but this likely depends on the person and how often passing out occurs for them

Please keep in mind this is based soley on my own experiences! also please feel free to add on! i hope this helps!

[drdemonprince]

Any chance you'd expand on the hank hill trans guy post? (Sorry, best indicator I could come up with.) The concept interests me as I decidedly know my maleness, yet don't feel impeded by for the most part, any male gendered norms/boxes. I am fairly masculine, though I rarely use those kinds terms to describe myself. I have found I often do stray outside of what society pushed for me when I transitioned, yet I again do not feel it has taken from my right to maleness whatsoever. I am just me, who happens to be male. I have had friends try and suggest I am NB adjacent but I do not feel this way whatsoever. I feel more people are outliers to gender expectation than we care to admit and it's disappointing the way cis-people deny that. Hope this wasn't too long winded, I value your writing and perspective, and wanted to hear more of your thoughts on this.

Yeah, well so many things all get conflated by gender labels, and it's all so personal, you know? Masculinity does not have to mean maleness, and a person's gender identity might be a reflection of some innate quality they experience themselves as having, or a general summary of their tendencies, or their desired presentation, or their sense of affinity with other people, or an interpersonal tool, or something they just go along with because it was given to them by society, or any other number of things.

I think my recent substack piece on detransition goes into this pretty well, and I have an upcoming piece of what @pastimperfection calls "bilateral dysphoria" that comes out next week that delves into it too.

I think I mostly saw taking on a male identity as a means to an end more than any kind of innate reflection of who I was, though I did feel an affinity with effeminate men for a lot of reasons. I think I also discounted how much I have in common with my fellow nonbinary people of all stripes, because that identity became so strongly associated with being an annoying type of queer person that everybody else just wrote off as ultimately being their assigned gender at birth anyway no matter how much they protested. it doesn't help that 'nonbinary' is a catchall term for literally thousands if not millions of very distinct experiences and desires.

transitioning gave me control over how i was perceived, finally, but hormones are a throttle that only go in one very specific direction, and you don't really have all that much control over which changes kick in at which times and what people will make of you once you do start registering to them as some identity other than what you were first saddled with. it's an incredible gift to be able to toggle that throttle. but it's limited, not because medical transition isn't incredible and needed for so many, but because there is no escaping the goddamned binary cissexist logic that influences everything about how people treat you, how you navigate institutions, who finds you desirable and what they want out of you, and so much else.

if you're able to cast a lot of the external societal bullshit aside and feel strong in your maleness, maybe you're stronger than me or maybe our orientation to these things is just different, i don't know. i was never all that sensitive to feedback that i was doing the whole being-a-woman-thing all that wrong. i reveled in violating those rules to an extent. succeeding at being a woman despite my best attempts was what felt super dysphoric. and now i guess im succeeding at being a man, insofar as im always read as one, and it feels just as uncomfortable and objectifying and false. i thought that with manhood i could probably just grit my teeth and deal with it, but i'm finding that i can't.

ive always been very open that for me, gender is a thing I Do, and i guess to those who know me well it wouldnt be surprising to hear that i have gotten tired of Doing Being a Man and dont feel like playing that particular gendered game anymore. I tend to get bored of things! and find the flaws in things. and find my comfort in being fault-finding and contrarian and not being a joiner. and thats okay. i learned a lot along the way. not having to try any more is a huge relief. i can just do whatever. and know actively that people will more often than not be wrong in what they make of me.

maybe it was natural feeling for you to decidely 'know' your maleness without a care for masculine standards because that is the right identity for you! and maybe i only feel secure in the "not knowing" realm and in letting go of what people think of me or finding any kind of tidy categorization for it because that's the right spot for me. for now. until i find a new interesting way to be unhappy and striving for more and different again. :) that's just part of being alive, for me.

[melobin]

“i love all 7 not just one” yet ur so dismissive abt a certain member which clearly isn’t loving all 7 goofy ass. no wonder ur friends with ninona 🤣 both y’all r ot6ers

me when i’m onto nothing the fact you can sit and assume you know how i genuinely feel about ot7 riize is crazy to me. you can continue to think what you want to because i can assure you both ninona and i do not gaf !! im far past the point of caring if people think i negatively of me over the situation with seunghan !! i know i love seunghan ! my friends know it too ! i do not gaf if random people on the internet think differently bc frankly why should i ? i run a smut blog girl im just here to talk about cock 99% of the time 😭

if i’m being completely honest here. i feel like people seem to struggle to grasp the concept that people handle things in their own ways. i’m a very sensitive and emotional person and over the years ive been trying to deal with that in a way where i don’t get hurt so easily. i’ve been dealing with severe anxiety for years i have chronic depression if i sat and thought about seunghan’s hiatus every day i would be completely miserable and worried and that’s not how i want to be i want to be okay i want to feel okay.

grief has never been something i ever get too emotional over it just doesn’t happen, of course it’s sad to not see him there but the way i handle things doesn’t mean i dislike him in anyway shape or form and i’m frankly quite tired of having to explain myself about this. at the end of the day, if seunghan returns it’ll be one of the best things to happen, it’ll make me incredibly happy, i don’t talk about my emotions often but if you want the truth there it is. if he, god forbid, ends up being removed from riize then it will hurt me and i will be upset. i’d rather spend his hiatus in a middle group of knowing there’s realistically a 50/50 chance of him returning and him not rather than sitting and getting my hopes up only to be hurt and upset after.

the way i deal with this hiatus is for my own benefit and my own sanity, i don’t want to be sad all the time, i just barely made it out of a depressive episode and i know if i sat and dwelled on him being on hiatus then i probably wouldn’t have made it out of it. the way i treat the other 6 members is the same way i treat seunghan, i feel the same way about them all, it’s just not as simple to show that when he’s not in gifs or videos or photos.

writing about him is not as easy because i haven’t seen him for months and as time has gone by the other 6 have become more visibly comfortable and free on camera and we never got to see that with him. i love writing for him, his porn plot fic is one of my favourite fics ive written and im always happy to write for him. i just tend to write more for sungchan and eunseok because those are the members i am more sexually attracted to, im a slut man idk what you want me to say. people rarely send asks about seunghan, they’re mainly about sungchan and anton and there’s nothing i can do about that. if people send asks about him, i answer them? if they don’t then i dont, i can’t answer something that isn’t there.

i don’t mean to post such a long rant but frankly i’m just tired of having to say the same thing over and over. no, i don’t care if you think badly of me over it, i don’t care for people who think they know how i feel about something and act as if their opinion is the be all end all. so thank you for sending this so i could freely express my feelings about this.

and DAWG leave ninona out of this as well !!! she expressed why she doesn’t write for him and i touched on my own feelings about writing for seunghan. i never once viewed her in a negative way, she’s one of the funniest people ive had the pleasure of befriending and no, she doesn’t hate seunghan either !

[edupiii]

The other night I went on a tangent to my friends about the music in Murder Drones and how it’s hard to compare the albums since they are each amazing in their own ways. Despite this, my friend insisted that I compare them, so I did. After writing everything out, she said I should post it so that’s what’s happening!

Welcome to an informal essay about the music in Murder Drones

In this essay, I will be going over the 4 albums created by A.J Dispirito and the strengths within each album. This essay is to show that the music between the albums is unable to be compared to one another as they are all astounding and work wonders for the atmosphere of the overall show.

Feel free to disagree with me and let me know your thoughts!

Murder Drones Pilot Mini-Album

The pilots album could be considered the weakest of the 4. It doesn’t have that many tracks that are reused throughout the other episodes. BUT- it is very strong as it has “Murder Brings” which is the trailer song for the pilot and it’s kind of a banger. I find it not as good as “Eternal Dream” “BITE ME” and “FOREVER” but it’s still super fucking good. In the first album we also have “Click”, “Gin Rummy”, “UZI THE DRONE KILLER” and “Goth Girl Anime Lover VS Wholesome Killer Boy” which are all very good songs that get you hyped for fight scenes. There are a few more mellow songs in the pilot’s album, making it not stand out as much. Despite that, it is also the very album that brought us the iconic Murder Drones theme music, which has been a staple in all future songs throughout the series. It’s not looked at as much as the other albums but it worked for the pilot and that’s all it really needed to do. It was good and is still good.

Murder Drones Volume 1

Next is the first official MD album. Once again, it can be overlooked like the pilots soundtrack since it doesn’t have super gut punchy, kick assy music. HOWEVER- it has a very eerie tone to it since it’s going over the second episode (with the Eldritch J monster) and it takes place in Dolls Room which is scary as fuck. It also gives us a few really good adrenaline pumping songs like “Aaaaahhh”. The song Bathtub” is in this album and it is spooky and intense which I love! Classic horror vibes. We also get “Uuugghhh” in this album which is possibly one of my favourites since it keeps going from energetic to spooky and I find that really funny for some reason (also the scenes this song was used for is hilarious). “Get Prommed” and “The Knife Dance” are INCREDIBLY ICONIC and have that addicting saxophone in it along with lots of grove. I really like “Spooky Flashback? oooooo” since it gives us a first look at the Elliot Manor and what kind of music we will be hearing in the 5th episode. Mind you, it’s not as good as the songs in the 5th episode but for foreshadowing, I think it works beautifully as it just gives us a small idea of what the manor was like for N, V and J. I think the first album is often overlooked but just like the pilot album, it has some wicked shit in it that you can’t ignore.

Murder Drones Volume 2

The second album I think might be my favourite because of the music used for the Elliot Manor flashbacks. There’s something so saddening and cold yet cheerful about them that I just cant shake and I adore them. It’s most definitely the soft piano that does it for me. Im a whore for soft piano music. We also have “Falling…For You??”, “Gentle” and “huggie wuggies” which PULL on my heart strings. The mellow music in this album is so well done and make me weep like a small child. DONT GET ME STARTED ON ETERNAL DREAM- I could write an entirely different essay just on that song alone and its relation to V’s entire character, however, I’m pretty sure that has already been done by many more qualified people than myself so you may go read those.

Then we’ve got the scary music in this album, which is a HUGE leap forward compared to the pilots album and the first album. Songs like “Solver Uzi”, “Heh, Nothing Personal Kid”, “SENTINEL 000D”, “…wow…ok THATS Pretty Dark” “literally just noise (your favourite)” and “Earth” are all phenomenal songs that give the spooks and scares. They are eerie and are drenched in anticipation for what is going to happen next. They give so much emphasis on the danger that these characters are in and can make you feel the same way. They freak you out and that is their job. Personal bias to the second album but it is phenomenal. I feel like people might not listen to the softer music in it which I totally understand, but I love it a lot.

Murder Drones Volume 3

And finally, we have the third album.

To start off, this shit goes incredibly hard with its scary stuff. They injected some sort of chemical into this album. I think it might be the chimes and whispers and church music. They added more eerie sounds in this album and I LOVE IT so much. The album starts STRONG with “When you forget to pray” which is so scary and gross and eerie, I love her. It fit the church scene so well and the song itself is disgustingly horrendous with its churchy vibes yet it makes them sound anything but holy. “Callback Ping”, “Absolute Solver” “…Hey guys, just wanted to say what’s up” and “……run” are TERRIFYING! nothing more can be said about those other than that. They scare the shit out of me and I can’t deal with that. Im pretty sure there is screaming in these ones as well, so that adds to the charm of spook. “Die Mad” is a bit spooky but it GOES SO HARD. UNREASONABLY HARD. But then it gets all soft and sad and makes me weep.

Speaking of weeping; “Hang Out?” and “Falling With You” MAKE ME WANNA KILL MYSELF. YHEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AAGUUUUUGHHHH-

And finally, the kick ass shit in this album is probably what defines it from the others. Each album has eeriness to them or a few songs that get you pumped; but this album? We’ve got “Eternal DESTROYER” 3 different versions of “BITE ME”, “…Uzi and N: The Drone Killers”, and “YOU’RE FREAKIN’ GROUNDED” which all are such good fighting songs and get you hyped up. They are the songs that get YOU wanting to kick ass, and I love it.

Like the others, there is a few mellow songs in this album, but not a ton. “FOREVER”, “ur aight”, and “haha yea dude, that’s sick” are all very good songs since they take place during scenes of walking or talking, not really any big action. Despite that they are all chillish and are incredibly catchy, they all still carry that eerie feeling that something isn’t right and that’s perfect for the series since we continuously know that something isn’t right.

In conclusion, all 4 of the albums created for the Murder Drones series are incredible in different ways. They each have strengths as well as songs that stand out. I wouldn’t say that one is better than the other since they all have songs that fit the episodes that they premiered in. A.J Dispirito has been very consistent with the quality of their music produced throughout the shows run time, keeping a balance of action, eerie, sweet and scary. I think that music for this series may be difficult to make since there’s so many jumps from goofy to scary to cute and so on. You can definitely see Dispirito’s improvment in their work throughout the series, but every song they’ve created has been excellent.

[evereverest2]

@ofthemorningstars commented on my q&a post and i wanted to make a general little post for ALL of you aspiring writers.

i’ve talked to people who wanted to start writing many times before, who have said to me “your writing is so good, and i wish i could do it like you”. i always say the same thing to them:

cut bc this is long lol

the number one first thing you need to know when you start writing is that it has to be yours. it is a world entirely your own, of your design, your unique and wonderful imagination, and it must make YOU happy. don’t compare urself to me, dont compare urself to tolstoy, don’t compare urself to shakespeare. the things you make can only be made by you, even if they’re inspired by something else, even if they’re fanfic. every story, movie, song, painting, etc. is derivative of something else, that’s just bc there’s so many talented humans. that doesn’t mean they aren’t unique creations on their own. that doesn’t mean you’re copying someone.

the biggest roadblock to writing—and any art really—is your own mind. you will kill urself with negativity, telling urself that it isn’t good enough, that it is awkward, that it is derivative, that it does not deserve to be read. i struggle with that all the time, but generally that’s to my own standards and not another authors. this is what i mean when u say u can’t compare urself—

YOU HAVE SO MUCH CREATIVITY TO OFFER THE WORLD.

YOU.

you are amazing. everything you create is special. i could never write what you write, and you could never write what i write. we are humans who grow up in vastly different lives, with experiences that shape the way we think and create and inspire. we have different opinions, relationships, and memories that will shine through in our individual works.

when we write, we leave the unique and beautiful pieces of ourselves in the text.

and you need to remember that.

the second thing i tell people to focus on is time.

i’m gonna expose myself on main here and show you a snippet of a fanfic i wrote when i was 13

yeah that’s fucking embarrassing. what an introduction bro. people totally get tattoos when they’re 15.

the point being that you don’t start writing like a wizard day one. this excerpt was about a year into my writing and i was a middle schooler. you look at that and you wouldn’t expect the author of little monster.

so if writing is something you want to do and you’re passionate for, even as a hobby, you need to sit down and do that often. VERY often. serious and even average authors write EVERY DAY. even if it’s just one sentence. writing is an easily accessible hobby that has a HIGH ceiling for “being good” at it and an even tougher path to the professional level. anyone can write, and everyone does. whether those are emails or smutty fanfics, it’s just a fact of life. if it’s something you want to improve at, take it seriously. so many people write a few stories and call it day, saying they suck and they’ll never improve. well, i’ll tell you now, you’ll never feel good about your writing until you take it seriously.

and if it’s casual for u, that’s totally fine! i won’t tell u that u HAVE to write everyday. not even i do that !! (though it is most days). but that doesn’t mean it’s something you don’t have to work on. imagine if you wanted to learn an instrument— if you only learned a few songs, if you only practice once in a blue moon, would you call urself a musician? even if u never wanted to join a band, would you call yourself a guitarist because you learned four chords?

you’ll never be happy with ur art unless u practice. and it will suck, i assure you. but you need to be patient. you have to be bad first to be good.

so, in summation of all these things i’ve learned both on my own and in studying creative writing, i’ll leave you with this (and i know this post is a fucking mess lmao)

you are the most special and unique person in the world, because only you can tell the stories in your head. just give yourself the time and patience to get there.

i believe in you.

[a-killer-obsession]

Wanna say real quick if you're a fanfic writer and you're looking at my page like "ohhh they hit 500 followers so fast and they have a upload schedule and post twice a week, maybe i have to post twice a week to get followers" - Stop

This turned into a whole guide for newbies so more under the cut

Please do not use me as an example! Im disabled and unemployed which means i have time to write two chapters a week, please do not put that sort of pressure on yourself!!! I only let myself have a upload schedule because i keep a small backlog of chapters, meaning i have some buffer if my health is bad or i get writers block, and as yall saw recently i will take a break if i loose that backlog. If i was forcing myself to write two chapters a week on a strict deadline i would absolutely loose my shit and probably burn out very quickly. And to be entirely honest, I haven't seen much difference in follower growth now that I have a schedule versus when I was just posting whenever I remembered to. I really don't think a schedule makes a huge difference, I just like having one because it gives me some sense of routine now that I'm unemployed.

What im trying to say, especially if you're new to posting fanfics, is please dont stress yourself out by thinking you need a strict schedule for anyone to like your fic or follow you. You shouldn't be writing for followers anyway, write for yourself! Write because YOU want to write. And if you fall out of love with that writing, dont feel like you need to force it just to make others happy! When i get burnt out writing Wavelengths, I keep going because *I* want to get to the ending, I've been excited to write it for months. Its another reason i dont start writing new long forms until i have a generic plan of where im going, which is something i highly recommend. Having a chapter you're excited to write really helps when you're trying to find motivation.

While I have you here, let me lay down some general tips for new fanfic writers, especially for those who post on tumblr:

Write because you want to write. Don't ever feel like you need to cater to someone else, that's a sure fire way to get burn out

If you do get burn out: don't worry about it, either it'll pass or it won't. Maybe you'll drop that idea all together and move to something new. Don't sweat it, write what makes you happy. Forcing yourself will only make it worse and it'll show in your writing. Writing fanfics is a hobby, it should be FUN. Sure someone might come across your fic years from now and be sad that it's not complete but they'll probably only be sad for a few days at most and then they'll forget about it. Its not a big deal. Who knows, maybe you'll find inspiration years down the line and make someone's day by randomly updating after years of hiatus. It happens 🤷

Dont worry about how much engagement your fic gets. I know absolutely incredible fics that get barely any engagement, and some frankly hard reads that have a ridiculous amount. Its all just dumb luck really. Again - write because you want to

Don't sweat typos too bad. I recommend finishing your chapter/one shot, giving it a day or so, and THEN come back to proof read. I find doing this gives me fresh eyes and I often find a lot of ways to improve the chapter while I'm fixing typos. If you accidentally leave typos in there, don't worry too much. As long as it makes enough sense for people to understand what you meant, people will still read it. Just look at the first few chapters of Wavelengths for example, they're riddled with typos from swapping from 3rd to 1st person, but people still read them (I'LL FIX THEM SOON I PROMISE LMAO)

Don't worry about being cringe. Cringe is dead, make your characters as self inserty and over powered as you want. CRINGE IS DEAD. If you think its fun to write powers and tropes that you're worried will be cringe, fuck it, write it anyway. As long as YOU have fun writing it. Do you know how many "whoops accidental pregnancy" trope fics I've written? Every single one of my long forms has either had it, or planned to, because I like that trope! I don't care if its cringe, I will continue to get my characters knocked up

Some quick accessibility things:

Please left align your fic! I've seen people posting center and right aligned because it "looks cool". These alignments should be used sparingly! As well as things like italics and different fonts/font sizes/colours! They should be used to highlight small sections only! Otherwise they can make it very difficult for people with reading difficulties to read!

If you're posting on tumblr:

Make sure the majority of your fic uses the default black font. Some people set the whole thing to a different font or the "small" font or a different colour and I literally can't read them, and it makes me so sad! I'm sure I'm not the only one with this issue! Its okay to use other fonts for things like headers and descriptions, but for the bulk of your fic use the default! Theres a graphic designer out there somewhere who spent a long time picking the best font for the body text on this website for a reason!

If your fic is longer than a few paragraphs, use the READ MORE function!!! Either cut under a description or the first few paragraphs so people get a preview of your fic. You may think it's silly to hide most of your fic, but if someone, especially on mobile, comes across your fic automatically trimmed on the fyp, and likes your stuff, and they go to your account to see more and have to scroll for a million years just to get past your newest post, they're quickly going to give up trying to read your other stuff. Using the read more function makes it easy for people to browse your blog and check out more of your works!! It also makes it more likely people will reblog for the same reason.

Along the same lines: have a masterlist. This can be as simple as a pinned post where you add a link every time you post something new. This makes it super easy for people to check out more of your work!

If you have a long form/multi chapter I also recommend going to the previous chapter and adding a "next chapter" link when you post the next one. Not 100% needed though, if you have a masterlist that can be enough on its own, people just appreciate having that next chapter link for binge reading. PUT IT AT THE BOTTOM PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING. I hate when I finish a chapter and have to scroll for a million years to get to the top for the link

Feel absolutely free to use the way I format my fics and masterlist as example, but like I said, it can literally be just as simple as a list of links. I recommend listing the links at bare minimum as the title of the fic, and the pairing people can expect (including if its nsfw is a good idea too)

Speaking of NSFW: if your work isn't suitable for minors please make that clear! Even just a 'minors DNI' at the start of the post is good! If you wanna get fancy there are lots of creators who make lovely 18+/minors dni banners you can use for free, just google it and plenty will come up. If you're not adding a cut before the NSFW content then make sure you mark the post as for mature audiences (idk how you do it on the computer because I'm mostly a mobile user but on mobile you can find it bottom right, the icon with the two people). Not appropriately censoring your posts can result in tumblr restricting and possibly banning your account.

Finally, and this one is oddly specific to people who use google docs, but you can use a copy of this google doc to automatically add all the html to your writing so you can just copy and paste it into tumblr or AO3, instead of having to manually fix all the formatting. Do not just copy and paste AO3 html into tumblr, for some reason it has major issues with italics and will cause you a major headache. Just use the linked doc, its a super time saver, I've been using it for ages now

Okay thanks for reading bye

[whumpster-dumpster]

(this ask ended up getting much more rambly than expected haha)

hello, i love your blog and whump in general and i would like to try and get involved in the community.

thing is, i feel really weird/embarrassed for liking whump (even before i knew the term). like ashamed i guess? (im not sure how to put it into words exactly). so i dont want to tell any of my irl freinds that im into it/put it on my main since some of my irl freinds follow my main.

and i do draw and i used to write but i dont really know how to draw/write whump yk? (though i have written whumpy things before, when i was like 10, they were really shit though by virtue of me being a 10 year old) and i feel too shy to put any of my work out into the internet for all to see, espcially my writing because i havent actually written prose fiction in. years. i have played dnd (and my campaigns do tend to get pretty whumpy) but i dont think the experiance of roleplaying it really translates well to the internet?

so i was wondering if you have any tips for 1 getting involved in the whump community and 2 managing feeling embarrased about liking whump

Here's an equally rambly answer! First off, welcome to the community! You're definitely not alone in liking it or in feeling embarrassed about liking it. A lot of us, myself included, have our moments where we feel weird for our interest.

I can't tell you how to get over that because I still feel embarrassed sometimes but pinpointing your reasons for liking it can make it easier to explain if someone inquires. Is it the aesthetic? The drama, the adrenaline? The character development? Is it a coping mechanism? A kink? We've got community members whose reasoning is all across the spectrum. Understanding your reason can be reassuring and help it make sense.

As for the shyness, a lot of us make side blogs for whump content, so it can be a little more isolated/private if we feel awkward about IRL/main blog followers seeing. If your art style is easily recognizable as yours, that might not be the best solution but also remember you don't have to post what you draw (or write.) You can create whump content just for you (and if you decide you do eventually want to post some, that will have served as good practice.)

There are whump prompt lists coming out all the time that can be used for art or writing if you don't know what you want to make. You should look up the whump wheel, it's a fun one!

Re: getting more involved in the community: believe it or not, there are whump roleplayers floating around in the tags pretty often! They'd probably enjoy another roleplay partner on the scene! Beyond that, liking people's posts, reblogging them to that side blog if you decide to make it, coming into their inboxes to say you enjoy their content, sending in prompts if whump fic writers are asking for some, posting prompts of your own if there's a type of whump content you notice lacking and want to inspire someone to explore...There are monthly whump events happening all the time too if you want to participate or just reblog to help promote them. You could also ask if another whump artist wants to do an art trade with you. Those are some of the best ways to dive in!

I hope that was helpful. Have fun!

[sout999]

adhd talk

the third truly unsung project alongside my film and dissertation was the weird amount of targeted effort i had to put into Completing Anything Big As A Neurodivergent Person Whose Brain Is A Crazy Off The Rails Train Staffed and Patronised Entirely By Multiple Exact Copies Of The Squirrel From Ice Age

which is a description like 99/100 people reading this can relate to, but i think a sentiment i see less often and therefore feel kind of stupid and stubborn and lonesome about is "adhd is innate but is also exasperated by hectic lifestyle/modern instant gratification machines so if i fix my habits around those i can cure myself forever". which is silly and wrong but also i feel abit disconnected from adhd social media culture and cant cope just relating to it (which is all it seems to be sometimes) but learning to harness or tame it to do the things that are really important to me

i felt really cringe tbh having to look up youtube videos of HARVARD STUDENT REVEALS PRO STUDY TRICK and then narrowing it down to specifically adhd-focused study videos and keeping a planner and setting aside specific time to study studying and practising anti-academic meltdown journaling techniques and reading fucking atomic habits but i really didn't want to contribute to my abhorrent academic record following me all through undergrad. in fact i wish i had done this sooner but i was not self aware enough to consider the fact

probably the best change i made was severely cutting down or being mindful of social media time, i don't backread my tl anymore and have more moments of awareness when i find myself dumbly scrolling and realize i dont want to be doing this, and then wondering what i actually Do want to be doing. i keep a book nearby to read, and have also swapped a lot of social media time to sketching-off-pinterest time. reading about the psychology behind social media apps is also super interesting, although i always feel like a paranoid wacko conspiracy theorist talking about it. stuff like how negativity and judgemental behaviour is good for engagement (and therefore ad revenue), and how if all posts on your tl were interesting you wouldn't be as addicted to social media as you are, therefore microblogging employs a slot machine/gacha system where you "roll" for posts by logging on and hope to get a good one. it's a little full on but the more i think of it as a revolting and evil machine the more incentive i have to do something else with my time ^q^

a harder thing to do was, in the late stages of the project, the real crunch time month, avoid everything that could become a huge hyperfixation, and then eventually even minor distractions or fixations. because i know if i got super obsessed with something i'd just be up posting about it or drawing fanart. i had to bar myself from persona 3 remake and elden ring dlc and all these other shiny new releases, and the mobile games i was playing... i look forward to catching up on them now. i took up reading books a lot more because unfortunately thats just not as exciting. in the last month of film work i stopped listening to music on my computer so i wouldnt get drawing or animation ideas to distract me from film work. as of writing this i havent listened to music in like 40 days guys 😱 at the same time i am the kind of person who needs background noise to work, so i have:

watched novum's four hour hereditary video essay three times

watched novum's seven hour midsomar video essay three times

watched that one five hour bojack horseman retrospective twice

listened to audiobooks of the Britney Spears biography, Jennette McCurdy biography, three Playboy Bunny biographies (i was on some sort of lady bopgraphy kick i guess), and a few fiction books

rewatched all of bojack horseman

started on House MD and got a few seasons in before i finished the project, amazingly the perfect show to look away from bc of all the medical stuff, how many lumbar punctures do you need to show like seriously

honorable mention to the learned skill of communication and being honest and picking your battles and killing your darlings which is a larger part of managing mental illness than i cared to admit but one of the hardest ones because it involved confronting things and making big painful drastic changes and then having to tell the faculty about them. sometimes i'd be stuck on a piece of animation work for weeks/months, then go back and change the underlying idea to one i'm actually passionate about, and do the animation work in one day using newly found magical hyperfocus passion power. it's crazy! but being able to be confident about taking those steps rather than keeping on with what you're "supposed" to do went a long way.

i very much look forward to listening to a music and playing some video games properly now and being pulverized like a small victorian child from the sheer amount of fun i'm having. i'd say it was all worth it and a fun experiment in channeling the magical humours of passion and boredom and i hope it will help me with future projects too. i Am super burnt out though x__ x thanks for reading and for all your support up until now!

[ladyinbl00d]

ever since i started interacting with you that day in march i felt a small understanding.

like someone knew me.

i dont feel that often with people.

but it was the fact that you wrote tybalt x reader fanfiction made me go “huh.. maybe someone likes him as much as i did.”

so i shooted my shot and i interacted.

“you should write more of him for me.!!”

interacted.

i put up a small mask and interacted.

i had shown one part of myself that most know me as because i had no idea how itd be like if you were to interact with me back.

you did.

and so i felt that understanding feeling again.

it was small,

at first.

then i started to interact more.

more.

i scared at first that youd think i was weird or even annoying.

thats how everyone sees me anyway so why would you see that in me aswell?

i knew i had to find that feeling of being understood in you.

i didnt let that stop me.

my brain clicked into my head.

my heart was pounding into my flesh.

interacting.

its only interacting davi.

the hushed voices in my mind werent on my side.

they told me you would be bitter.

maybe even think i was annoying.

weird.

“there is no feeling of understanding davi.

youre just crazy.

sick into the head.

theres no one like you here in this pathetic little world.

youre all alone.

its just you.

youre crazy.”

i was the one who had to clamp my ears and shout.

pleading for them to stop.

pleading for them to allow me to feel this feeling i was infact feeling with you.

but the voices kept giggling.

oh how finally they stopped.

i giggled too.

voices are funny.

i opened tumblr and hit the dm button.

it was then when i first dmed you.

i did that?

i did that.?

i?

did?

that?

I???

DID???

THAT???

“theyre sooo gonna hate you davi

whyd you do that.”

i ignored them.

i dont ever do that the voices.

eventually i posted that writing.

it was then when the feeling was back.

but stronger.

you like cannibalism too?

you even like my writing?

huh..?

it was then i had realized maybe my mind wasnt so sick and twisted like how the voices and those around me said it was.

but i wasnt too sure.

eventually it was brought up in our dms.

the feeling.

you like cannibalism too.

you think about cannibalism too.

you write the same stuff i do.

you have a lot of the same feelings i do.

you dissociate like me.

the feeling cracked.

i felt it completely.

for the first time in awhile i felt it.

i felt understood.

no ones ever understood me like that.

they dont even know me.

how could they.

theyre assuming.

humans are always fucking assuming.

since that day in march.

i felt understood by you,

myla.

i still do,

myla.

and i know i may suck at showing that i understand you and hope in somewhat i do the same for you and if i dont thats okay, i just wanted you to know that.

even when i cant express why.

even through this,

and even in general.

i just want you to know that.

-davi👍🏻

[the-s1lly-corner]

I very much loved what you wrote for my ask makes me happy in my tummy.

Here's another ask hope it's not a lot for you how about a reader who's looks like those circus carousel horses, Being all pretty and sparkly with the TADC crew or just caine if you want light work!

♡Sleep well♡

U(•ㅅ•)U

TADC cast x reader who is a carousel horse!

that post sillyness (meltdown) slump is really hitting, but i feel bad for not answering requests yesterday... think i might answer one or two today, and perhaps write some stuff for myself in between doing the stuff i need to get done today apolocheese if this is a little shorter than usual </3 admin is still a lil WAAAAAAA and theyre on a time crunch (writing on computer today, but it needs to restart soon for an update)

CAINE:

oh i just know hes going to be going crazy over this, its not often that you get circus themed members around in the digital circus, so hes so hyped to have someone who can at least somewhat fit into that (admin must admit, they know next to nothing about carousels). probably makes themed IHA based around you and your whole thing; whatever that might mean... if youre shiny and/or reflective i just know hes going to pretend to check himself out in your reflections, does it usually to get a laugh out of you if youre having a bad day. gives you loads of new accessories and such

POMNI:

very shiny very pretty. i think pomni would like shiny things, but that might be self projection. kind of looks at you with that huge eyed look she got when she saw her door and/or her reflection in the pilot. looks but doesnt touch because she doesnt want to breach any boundaries. you can easily carry her, probably. shes tiny... though you will have to ask her and warn her before you just decide to pick her up since i dont think she would be cool with you just treating her like some house cat (snorts). subconsciously messes with your hair/mane when you two are hugging/snuggling each other

RAGATHA:

makes her own accessories to give to you. she thinks youre really pretty! very well crafted stuff, me thinks. offers to do your hair and tail (if you have one) every now and then! perhaps even offers to polish you up in hard to reach spots such as your back! generally very nice and lets you know that she thinks youre pretty... bonus if you have some sort of music ambience that plays around you most of the time that tends to reflect your mood, she ends up using that as a little indicator of how youre feeling.... perhaps you two slow dance together to one of your songs.... ponders

JAX:

originally i was going to say he jokes about wanting to ride you but then i realized how that sounded and i am not about that life (i say as i still put it in the post because it aint that serious) but you know, because youre a horse? but also while i was writing caines part, i mention that he checks his reflection if youre... well reflective... i feel like jax would do the same thing, but be more obnoxious about it... like im talking hes fully leaning into it, cleaning the gaps in between his teeth, slicking his ears back. the works, you know? probably snags your ribbons and such every now and then so youre forced to talk to him, he thinks its funny even if its kind of a dick move, but its.. jax, are we really surprised?

KINGER:

similar to pomni i can kind of see kinger also liking shiny stuff but i think this time its just the admin self projecting. probably collects little trinkets he finds that remind him of you and gifts them to you. pretty combs, ribbons, rocks, ect. i think its sweet, basically saying "hey, i thought about you!" you know? sometimes you let him stroke your hair when hes stressed out, works like a charm. revisiting the musical ambience idea, you tend to play the general music that plays during carousel rides, but every now and then it turns into a softer and calmer tune, and that does wonders for kinger after a long and hard day... shrugs

ZOOBLE:

as mean as it sounds you are kind of the opposite of the things like find interest in, since admin hcs that zooble is into the macabre and spooky, you know? but thats not to say that they dont like you! quite the contrary, actually! they have an understanding that you didnt choose this body.. thinks... ooo imagine how funny it would be if youre this really pretty horse with pretty music but you share the same interests as them... i dont now i always liked that trope. cute/innocent character being into scary stuff, intimidating/unconventionally cute character being into sweet and cute stuff.. thinks... sometimes helps you style yourself if youre interested in a new look

GANGLE:

also thinks youre very pretty! probably has made drawings of you and gifted them to you! sometimes redoes the ribbons you wear in your hair and as accessories. very good at making bows and such! might even sometimes help you with your makeup, if you wear any + if its able to be taken off... since, you know... digital bodies and stuff... hmm.. not many thoughts for gangle, at least not any unique ones that havent been said already in general/in this post... apologies gangle nation admin just struggles to write her