#i just dont know how to feel
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I was talking to this person. Nothing romantic or anything, just getting to know them. Then, I noticed they started replying later and later, and the conversations were more one-sided, like I was putting in more effort. And it finally came out that they had gone on a date, with a possibility of a second date a few days previous. And I was happy for them. Like that's what friends are for, right?!
Well, I guess we weren't friends after all. Guess who got left alone again?!
Like, i don't understand. . .
Our conversations were nothing but friendly. No flirting or anything. So why? I'm so confused.
Am I truly not worth the effort? Am I just meant to be alone?!
This is the second time I opened myself up, even in a friendly way, to start putting myself out there, and this is the second time (back to fuckin back) that I've been brushed off to the side and pushed to the back. . .
Like, don't i deserve friends?
Were we not friends?!
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He responded.
#first communication from my father ive had in 29 years#and it was an apology#saying he loved me#and talking about his addiction#hes been sober for five years now#and i dont know how to feel and i dont know what to do#it just feels too late#the damage has been done#im already ruined#he says he didnt want me around that environment#but then stepdad number 2 was an addict as well#who stole my debit card and tried to strangle me#i just dont know how to feel#like my whole script has to be rewritten#ignore me#sky speaks
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Why didn't you inherit my rage?
#why are you more like him?#transformers one#transformers#megatron wins custody au#megatron#bumblebee#b 127#something about megatron and bumblebee makes me draw crazy stuff bro#be nice btws... i dont know how to paint and this is my first time rendering metal#i was lowkey just making stuff up LOOOL#i actually had a lot of fun making this#fun fact the title of the drawing was just I HATE YOU in all caps twice because i already had another one LOOOL:FLGMD#im feel like the dany devito video abt rendering now#“oh my god... i get it...”#me when im boerd so i jam my thumb into my sons throat and rip out his voice box
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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wonder if they know what he's on about
#my art#hina.sketch#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fanart#jjk#itadori yuuji#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#i continue 2 push the boundaries of how little of sukuna i can draw while proceeding 2 tag him anyway#i wont b stopped idc#wont tag the catoru tho dgfhsjg#another yuuji centric sheet wuawww who r u and what have u done w known megumi main tumblr user hinamie i hear u say#and 2 that i say i rly dont know whats happening idk if its the march 20th around the corner of it all but im in a yuuji mood#i know im only 3 sheets in but theyre alr growing on me#i alr feel myself slowly becoming less precious abt placement and how clean my lines are which was th whole point so ! yay :D#also posing is coming a lot easier bc theres not so much pressure on making sure i have perfect anatomy#and theres not even anything dictating tht i need 2 have interesting poses 2 begin with . i cld do a whole sheet of 3/4 busts facing left#nothing is stopping me#it is rly nice 2 just let loose#i love this pen but maybe next time i can try an assortment and see what happens
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this place is so fruity
#ive had this in my drafts for MONTHS#im not really that confident in how the pose looks so I settled on stopping here#I wish I got to see them interact more but it was so exciting to see Franziska being nicer and a little conscientious since the last game#i knw the main idea in the games is to help ppl we barely know and go thru all this trouble than just dismiss it bc we dont think#its worth the effort but theres also the way this shapes how characters interact and develop relationships with each other#even though i know maya and franziska are like strangers to each other given how theyve barely talked to each other in canon#using what the game tells me abt them and thinking abt how they would interact in a believable way than what they already have#is something i really appreciate abt the ace attorney series. in canon these guys only ever have a reason to interact bc of#circumstances that force them to. canon is a suggestion to me and if smth fanon feels believable to me i could not care less#aa#ace attorney#doodles#my art#myart#franmaya#maya fey#franziska von karma
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Reversed Robins
Damian: Tired, exasperated, responsible eldest who tries not to show his amusement at his brothers' antics. (*cough* the mom friend *cough*). Doesn't murder out of respect for Bruce. Has tea with Alfred weekly to bemoan the fact that they are the only ones in this damn family with self-preservation instincts.
Tim: The definition of teenage angst. Killed the Joker, which was never traced back to him. (Damian's rather proud of him for it, especially the planning and skill required to hide it, though he'd never admit that to Bruce). Works with the Bats a lot and is usually on pretty good terms with them, just avoids Batman. Is Oracle's favorite.
Jason and Dick: Adorable small little cinnamon rolls with a side of violent, murderous rage. They feed off of each others' chaotic energy. Have a competition every week to see who can get Damian and Tim to pick them up more (Tim counts for more points because as much as Damian would like to pretend otherwise, he always caves to the puppy eyes, but Tim doesn't usually). Are basically best friends.
#reverse robins#damian wayne#tim drake#jason todd#dick grayson#bruce is so done#batfamily#the robins#im sorry guys i dont know how stephs story would go here feel free to add her if u get ideas#i meant to make this just the robins but also add duke and cass if u want
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infinitely funnier visuals in my head, likely because they werent subject to my actual skill level in art
#he read space facts book and found out the sun is a star and nearly got them all killed#dont ask how they didnt notice sooner i ignored that for comedic value#i dont know how to communicate that the sun is supposed to be out in the second panel#well i do but i didnt feel like coloring#i had this awesome visual earlier i was like “im gonna like color and shade in a painting style and its gonna look awesome”#and then i realized i dont know how to do any of that#so here we are#i read requiem and made like a mental plan in my head of what their home looks like and have not been able to fix it since#im too tired to tag more and i want this out of my sight before i start despising it for realsies#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#uzi doorman#murder drones n#serial designation n#murder drones v#serial designation v#nuvi#violentbitingbiscuits#i love me some nuvi. favorite ship right now#second place is jessa but like i dont know how to draw humans so itll be a while before ya see that#oh i forgot#murder drones cyn#if im being totally honest this entire thing was just an excuse to draw uzi in that second panel
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growing up together
#hilda#hilda the series#twig#hilda netflix#ooouughhh this gave me so many happy feelings while drawing#i also dont know how to design clothes so i just chucked older hilda in comic johannas fit in tmk#she also gave herself her mums haircut :]
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she had a family that loved her
#its been so long has always belonged to cassidy#cassidy fnaf#fnaf#no im never forgiving the fnaf fandom#for only portraying her as mean and angry#and demonizing her#she's just a kid :(#please give her more than just “Im so mad”#i know thats all she has in the games#but i dont care#when has canon ever stopped people from getting creative#and giving more personality to someone#i (kind of) do like the idea of her getting so caught up in her anger that's all she starts to feel#but i think showing how she felt before that would be really cool#i never see her portrayed as just. sad and missing her family
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don't you want to be a cult leader? - danyal al ghul au
this is mostly a joke post but i thought it was funny and had to share so--
his first mistake was, obviously, inheriting his father's inability to see an injustice and stand still. -- actually, danyal's first mistake was his lair being so big. a mountainous island with a large temple in the center resembling his old home in Nanda Parbat? With sprawling foliage and rivers and streams and waterfalls galore? What was he going to do with all that space? Let it go to waste? He had plants there! Native trees of the ghost zone growing from the soil! He couldn't let it all be left unchecked!
So naturally after helping a fellow teenage assassin ghost -- who he later learns is named Akihiko, -- from Walker of all people, he sent them over to hang low at his lair until it was safe enough for them to wander around the Zone. Walker couldn't get through Danyal's astrofield if his life depended on it, and trust him -- he's tried. Danny was clearing out debris from his stupid transport vans for weeks.
Honestly it wasn't so bad, he and Aki really quickly became fast friends and Danny loves having a sparring partner close to his level again -- he hasn't had this much fun fighting since he left the League. Aki was very dedicated and levelheaded, the both of them clicked really well because of it.
Nonono, the real trouble began after Danyal met some long-passed League members and allowed them to come join his island as well. Apparently they had made a few enemies of the zone, and maybe Danyal still felt some loyalty to the League. He couldn't just let them be left to rot. Their zealotry could be overlooked so long as they kept it contained and helped him take care of his island.
And it.. snowballs from there? He meets a teen squire aptly calling himself Ambroise -- whether that was his living name or not is yet to be seen -- who died during feudal france, who is just about as dramatic and passionate as every french stereotype makes them out to be. He calls Danyal "my moon and great muse" -- which is both flattering and little uncomfortable, but Danyal's grown up in the League as the Grandson of the Demon Head, he is used to mild worship. he passes it off as nothing more, nothing less. -- and while his energy is overwhelming on the worst of days, he helps Danny draw out of his shell more in ways that Sam and Tucker still struggle with.
Him and Aki butt heads a lot, but the two seem to hold the other in at least some positive regard, so Danny doesn't worry too much about them fighting while he's gone. It only becomes a mild issue when Aki also begins calling Danny "my moon". It's a little sweet, so Danyal brushes it off.
Then he takes in a troupe of ghosts some time after he defeats Pariah Dark and they begin calling him "great one" just as the yetis do in the far frozen. This is where he meets the twins -- a pair of sibling ghosts who call themselves Trixie and Missy (short for Trick and Mislead) -- who aren't quite as passionate as Ambroise but more energetic than Aki. Eventually they also start calling Danyal "my moon" and attach themselves to his hip, even within the living. They like to hide in his shadow and cause trouble for the rest of the students. He makes sure they don't hurt anyone.
He's pretty sure Aki is jealous, same with Ambroise, but he can't be too certain other than the fact that they become much more lingering (re: clingy) whenever he visits the island.. Something he's trying to do much more often these days due to the increasing amount of people living there now. Since when did he become so popular?
Then there's Pēnelópeia from the Greater Athens, who ran away from home and joined his Island after he ran into her while she was being chased by Skulker -- and he's pretty sure the reason was because of her chimeric appearance. Her strange eyes and mismatched wings and lion's tail and talons. She assimilates into his friend group very easily, she gets along well with Ambroise and Trixie and Danny usually finds the three of them climbing the trees to pluck the most fruit from the top. They can fly and he knows it, but they prefer to climb.
Then finally there's silent poet Akkara who comes from ancient mesopotamia, who gets along most with Aki -- which is no surprise there considering their similar personality dispositions. he watches Aki and Danyal fight each other and leaves comments on this or that that he notices. He writes Danyal poems on clay tablets and leaves them by his room.
They're one big mismatched group of outcasts, and Danny's got the other ghosts on his island to tend to, because they're living on his island and he wants to be hospitable even if he struggles with that. But he spends the most of his time with them.
Sam and Tucker are making fun of him. Tucker jokingly tells him 'careful Danny, at this rate you're gonna start a cult'. Danny really wishes he had taken that joke more seriously.
He just. keeps. collecting people. Wayward souls lost in the zone, looking for shelter or refuge from something or other -- whether that be another hostile ghost, or a past afterlife, or just a purpose. Danyal finds them, he takes them in, offers them a place on his island until they are ready to leave. Many seldom do. He's not complaining -- he has the space, and it feels like it's only ever growing.
His close friends, his "inner circle" as he's heard the others call them, keep insistently calling him "my moon". He starts calling them his stars, because then it only feels fair. They're his stars, this is his constellation. It becomes a thing; little star halos begin forming behind their heads, picking them out from the rest. He loves them so much, it's hard to place. Sam and Tucker are also his stars, but they reside in the living realm, they're his tie to Life. Meanwhile, his friends here know what it's like to be dead, and sometimes its nice to relate.
Those living on his island keep calling him "Great One" and he's beginning to notice zealotry in their care for his island. He really, deeply appreciates it. His close friends gain nicknames -- as his stars, it's only natural for him to pick them out from the cluster in the skies. Akihiko, his Sirius and bright star. Trix and Missy, Castor and Pollux, the twins and troublemakers. Ambroise, his zealous Antares and close friend. Penelopeia, chimeric and loyal Vega. And Akkara, his Arcturus and strength.
It's ridiculous how long it takes for him to notice; he is, of course, a deadly trained assassin. He is meant to be observant -- and normally he is! But somehow this becomes a blind spot. One that becomes too big to be dealt with by the time he realizes it.
He should've noticed when Aki, his Sirius, stood beside him one day while Danyal looked over his island and saw the sprawling spirits carrying on about their afterlife and bowing to him as they saw him, and said: "I looked down into the depths when I met you; I couldn't measure it." They aren't one for flowing prose, it took him so off guard he was silent for over a minute before he finally spoke.
Danyal should've recognized devotion for what it is, and yet he didn't. He should've recognized it when Antares began spouting praises about him, crowing about his radiance and resplendence to the heavens. He just brushed it off as Ambroise being Ambroise. He should've recognized it when Trix and Missy nearly broke Dash's leg after he knocked Danyal's books out of his hands, he excused it as them being protective. Of them coming from times where such violence may have been customary -- after all, that's what he used to be like. What he was still like, sometimes, when his emotions nearly got the better of him.
He should've noticed it when the people living on his island followed his word like gospel, looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky. When his friends gifted him a shawl with the moon phases delicately embroidered into it, with silver, shimmering thread and moving stars lovingly stitched into it. Their constellations seen clear as day in the dark fabric. When he found small shrines dedicated to him -- but they lacked any image of him beyond stones carved to look like moons, so he ignored it. When the religious imagery began popping up.
He really, really should've noticed it when a bunch of cultists accidentally summoned Antares, and Antares had turned to him when he arrived and called them heretics. But he was so centered on the fact that they had kidnapped one of his stars, that he hadn't paid much attention to what Ambroise had said.
Sages say that faith is blind, they should also say faith in you is even blinder.
It really only hits him one afternoon while he's sitting in Sam's room studying with Tucker, Missy and Trixie lounging at his feet, Aki sat on his right, Penelopeia braiding his hair, Ambroise draped against him, and Akkara lurking over him. Its one of the rare few times they're all in one room together.
It hits him like a bolt of lightning. He looks up from his textbook. "Oh Ancients," he says in no amounting shock. Everyone looks up to him.
"I've become my grandfather."
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc au#dp x dc au#dpxdc prompt#ive been playing cult of the lamb recently and you can tell#anyways i thought this was funny to think about. its specifically danyal al ghul bc that makes it even funnier#tfw you accidentally become a cult leader. rip to you danny you have a cult following#not at ALL an accurate depiction of a cult but i still think its funny. innaccurate cult depictions. ur in too deep to change it now danno#sam and tucker: hey dude... this is a cult | danny still learning how to People: what. no. these are all my friends and refugees.#his inner circle are all Insane about him they just show it in different ways. Sirius is as equally zealous as the rest they just don't#show it as much. which has mistakenly convinced danyal that they are the more logical one. no danny. they would kill for you#danny: i am being hospitable | sam: you created a cult | danny: i am being hosPITABLE#i dont like ghost king aus but i love danny being in positions of power it just has to feel earned. 'accidental kingdom acquisition' is my#favorite trope it just has to be done correctly. 🫵 build that bitch up with your bare hands and not realize until its too late you fool#'becoming a world power by accident and im in too deep to back out now'#danyal. a raised assassin (has no threshold for normal behavior): *sees utter devotion towards him* yeah this is fine and normal.#danyal: yk i dont see this ending horribly. *goes and collects more followers* yeah this is totally cool. welcome to the constellation#danyal: *saves a few people and houses them in his lair* (everyone liked that [to a worrying degree actually])#his inner circle: my moon! | danny: my stars :]#danny: ive become my grandfather. | danny: ... | danny: idk how to feel about that honestly.#those poor cultists that kidnapped antares were subjected to a 3hr tangent about 'the radiance of the Moon and his resplendent generosity'#before danyal found him and got him home. who were the cultists summoning? who knows! but they got Objectively the Worst out of the#constellation to summon by accident. actually they're all bad there's no picking who. they're all various amounts of Unhinged Danny just#Never Realizes It because he is also Unhinged and thinks some of this shit is normal.#like yeah thats totally normal behavior he has no questions whatsoever. this seems like Typical People Stuff.
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pvp civ nation...... this aint much but pls take my contribution for this series bc im going insane i love hate this man so much get him out of my head
#pvp civilization#pvp civ#I'LL MAKE A PROPER ONE I SWEARR I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MYSYSTEM FIRST#if it turns out he gets a bad ending in ep 6 i dont think i'll be ok like#he deserves a good ending . or a villain arc at least. he deserves to go batshit crazy after how everyone treated him#ALSOO the chekovs gun video journal device thing?? The excessive 4th wall breaking?#Is it just me or does jt feel like evbo is gonna lose his memory/already lost his memory and was sent to the wood sword lvl with tabi#or like . Idk?? It feels kind of truman show ish. Well maybe not that but its just the vibe im getting w the way that everyone has their-#-own secrets. How the diamond swords seems to know who evbo n tabi is. How princezam knows about the diamond swords#and then theres also parrot whos just?? Weird overall?? Idk whats going on w him but i need to know his backstory wdym u think evbo will-#-hate you if he knows what you did??#ANYWAY BACK TO THE VIDEO JOURNAL AND POTENTIAL MEMORY LOSS.#I dont want jt to go that way (mostly bc i dont want to see evbo suffer more than he already did) but it rlly does seem like its heading to#that direction w the way that it also has become a way to narrate what he went through (ie when the ep shows his attempts to beat the-#gold sword lvl but hes narrating it from the future. from his video journal. where he already beat the lvl)#im going insane#Wait also what i meant by the truman show vibe in relation to the excessive 4th wall breaks it makes it sound like pvp civ is just a -#simulation#wait i just remembered its the matrix not that mb umm#anyways.#empty chattering#kokotehart
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it sure is unadulterated loathing and nothing else
#cabbage draws#wicked#gelphie#gaylinda upland caught thirsting while in their loathing stage#lmaooooo#loathing her cause how dare she reduce her to a bumbling mess#ksksksksk#i really think glinda increasingly became annoyed and angry at her because of the flutters in her chest and its new!#she doesnt know what that feeling is but shes feeling angry so its probably it#shenshen and pfanee side eyes each other as glinda complains#girl youre talking too much about her and citing specific shit no one would notice but someone who has a crush#anyways#for my art oversharing#i did an artist study of elphaba cause i dont have exp in drawing poc#i did this one study of just one artist while planning on doing more but then i just... got it#its so weird like how you draw the face just clicked for me like last week and now its snowballing#amazing
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horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago
#I DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT KNOWWWWW#when i say damn thats crazy its bc i DO think its crazy i think a lot of things are crazy. like how birds have cloacas#or the way ppl draw a five pointed star in different ways and everyone assumes their way of doing it is how everyone does it#my brother is not letting me live this down btw he literally shouted at me like HOW DID YOU LIVE THIS LONG AND NOT PICK UP ON THAT#IDK!!! IDK I THOUGHT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE USED TO EXPRESS GENUINE SHOCK??????#he says its my delivery that makes it sound insincere bc i say it in a monotonous voice which when i think abt it YEAH....#THAT DOES MAKE IT LOOK KINDA BAD IN HINDSIGHT.....#and then i told him i keep a list of phrases that tickle my brain so i can remember to use them in conversation and apparently#most ppl dont do that bc he was like ???? stop doing that??? just let the conversation flow naturally it sounds fake>????#idk man i feel like if i did that and blurted out 'i forgot people find stuff like underwear arousing for some reason' instead of#smth like 'i wonder what kind of ppl find this kind of stuff the bees knees' like i normally do. it would. not go so well.#ALSO THE FLOW CHARTS ARENT NORMAL? i make flow charts before i call the bank or smth so i know what to say#its not just to blend in its also so i dont waste ppls time going uhhhhh as i think of how i put smth into words#its called stalling for time and i dont care if i have to say smth like thats just how the cookie crumbles if it gives me#5 more seconds to process whatever the fuck someone said without letting them think im not paying attention#doodles#diary#sona#puppysona#comics
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data ghost tessa is an extremely fun idea
#shoving her into uzis mindscape too. its a whole party in there#i dont actually know how to dance or what dancing looks like i just copied one of the poses i think#i dunno man i just felt like drawing. its four in the morning and i cant sleep#something something halloween spirit#im too tired to think of anything else to say#art#murder drones#murder drones cyn#murder drones flesha#murder drones tessa#one day ill feel comfortable drawing non shadow tessa. not today though
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hi clover die trophy
heavily inspired by @pepperpepi s art of them !
#bit of context this is mostly silly happy joyous but i kinda put some clover angst into that#cuz i was just thinking abt how her luck probably extends on artistic things as well somehow#n we know her luck can make her turn out well in photos regardless of anything#so she would possibly never be able to know whether shed actually be good at creative hobbies if it werent for her luck#n on top of that she would also make insecure sore losers like trophy feel rlly bitter n threatened over her natural talent#which isnt rlly her fault at all but i think she would feel like it is#so after discovering using her luck to make a good photo for trophy backfired what clover does#is just use her butterly friends to give him smth to photograph himself which i think would be cool#since i think her powers dont extend onto butterflies ? so every picture of those butterflies wouldn't magically turn out amazing i mean#kinda yapping um whatever#inanimate insanity#ii#clover ii#ii clover#trophy ii#ii trophy#osc#osc art#art tag
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