#i just dont have enough in me to draw anymore
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waiting for marvel to take you up as their comic artist so that we can have amazing art with cherik official storyline
marvel hire me to draw professor x and magneto making out sloppy style for forty issues straight you will get a BAJILLION dollars i promise
#fave#snap chats#'professor x' what are you a cop. moving on#vjeLKVJEALKV thank you much my friend one can only dream .....#you know whats so funny tho this just reminds me how like. My Number One Cheerleader was my highschool english teacher#she also ran the comic club in case thats relevant. because i was a part of that club OBVIOUSLY#i used to want to be a comic book artist but now i dont but anyway as a part of this club we'd have to draw comics sometimes#and alllll the time my teach would be so happy to get my stuff and she'd always be like#'[Snap] please promise me you'll never give up comics i want to read a comic from you one day' and stuff like that#i think id throw up laughing if i got to email her one day like 'omg hey teach 1.) im not a moody teenager anymore#2.) i got to work for marvel check it out <3' and i have to send her old man yaoi JLVKEJLKAEVJE#FUNNIEST TIMELINE IN THE WORLD I'D ACTUALLY DIE LIKE PLEAAAASSEE THATS ALL I COULD EVER WANT IN LIFE#on the realest note tho i didnt appreciate her enthusiasm enough. i wish i could tell her thank you someday#i think of her a lot whenever im in the dumps about my work she really is one of my biggest motivators#like i guess i COULD just shoot an email. maybe if i actually do something cool with comics or something#i dont even know if she remembers me so it'd just be bizarre wouldnt it#ANYWAYS. sappy story time's over theres a matcha crepe cake with my name on it BYYYYYEEEEE
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student au save me...... save me student au
#alien stage#alnst#ivantill#alnst till#alnst ivan#lazers art#thats what i changed my tag to right#haiiii friends ^_^#i keep not wanting to draw because i dont want to render so i forced myself to just clean my sketches#and not do lineart#so this stuff is messy but yknow is that so wrong??#i never post art anymore and i want to do that more#i have a big ivti wip ive been working on so hopefully i will actually finish it. one day#i really want to im quite proud of it so far#anyways. enough yapping. save me alnst student au#thank you ivan alienstage for reclaiming the fuckass neon green hoodie. very brave of you#that bottom most sketch is so cute im proud of it
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im everything you hate
blood ver
#junko enoshima#mine#um. hi#i just had top surgery and like man i have not been doing much at all since i got back from hospital. mostly just sleeping and scrolling...#but. i have spent leik my five days of recovery so far slowly painting a junko. so have that#sory i dont post much anymore. i do draw quite a lot i guess but i rarely have anything finished that i can post. or looks nice enough#ive been in a weird place with how i engage with public fandom for around a year now too and its been changing my motivation to post things#the danganronpa fandom can be a really cruel place. hence why i've been only showing up when i want to. stay safe out there.#also fuck PLEASE CLICK FOR QUALITY or i kill myself#do not tell me she has a missing finger. i know. i dont care. im going to sleep.#also dont talk to me about the transparency being fucked up I KNOW . 馃憥
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click for better quality!
the perched king / tigerstar I
#my art#do not copy trace or steal#tigerclaw#tigerstar#warriors#warrior cats#wc art#waca#UHHHHH squints i havent posted fanart in a while i think those are all of my tags#DO YOU KNOW HOW GOOD IT FEELS TO HAVE A LITTLE TIME TO DO A LEGIT PIECE LIKE THIS. oh my god its wonderful#im experiencing a calm before the storm because this is the week before finals#I PROMISE ILL GET BACK TO DOING THE STARCLAN GAMES SOON I JUST NEED TO SURVIVE FINALS AND THEN I DONT HAVE SCHOOL TO JUGGLE WITH WORK#ANYMORE ABJLHBKHDFBG#I SPENT THE ENTIRE LIKE 2 HOURS WORKING ON THIS LISTENING TO THE HUNGER GAMES MOCKINGJAY AUDIOBOOK im. GOOD GOD. im hurting#the movies dont do hardly enough justice to how awful the things the characters go through are#recovering peeta makes me so :( i love him so bad#still got four hours left of the audio book and its really nice since i can listen to it while working#i love drawing tigerclawstar so much i think hes one of the warrior cats ever#for a while a couple years ago if i wanted to draw a wc character i would only draw him but i dont think i ever posted ANY of it
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Be nice
late addition. existentialism
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home24uck#dirk strider#self#sona#selfship#admin draws#fanart#TTAC#platonic self ship#is this. oc x canon? i have no idea how to tag#is it selfship if its just like. friends. two blokes who hang out an ddo fuckall#idk. its fun though. id say its a guilty pleasure but its not i dont have enough shame anymore#edit. big thanks to puccalamb for reminding me of the platonic selfship tag 馃槶#anyways they hang out. mostly stand there looking weird and talk a lot of nonsense about a wide variety of topics#their discussions are a nightmare also like imagine if dirk had a conversational partner that has adhd and loves to yap about ethics n shit#theyd be insufferable. talk until they literally dehydrate themselves#and every so often one of them will be like dare you to do x act of violence and the other will haggle it up or down#usually down because. i mean. you always start high#thats just haggling 101#anyways this is what ive been doing lately. and prepping a shitty little dirkjake lyricstuck#and passing a biochem exam as that 1 drawing suggests. ok bye#ttac
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btw in case anybody's wondering what i've been working on as of late i've mostly been redesigning this guy for the 4th time because sometimes good ideas are bad
#he wears biker gear now 馃憤 the level of detail is murdering me in real life but it looks cool#atbb#karma#not art-tagging or main-tagging this bc its a wip#but i'll still leave rbs open for a bit bc i don't plan to post any finished redesigns until a good bit in the future#oh yea im gonna be redesigning like the entire atbb crew btw . i wanna Fix them all now that i have the skills of someone older than 14#as shown here by karma no longer being a skinny rectangle with a head the size of a prized pumpkin#and the fact that i'm not nearly as scared of actually drawing wrinkles in clothes anymore lmao#i was planning to start drawing the new refs after i finished the whole ebony thing#but my brain decided to go on strike until i drew a different character and after 4 months i had to give in to demand 馃様#i'll get back to that hopefully soon enough once i get back into the groove of drawing but for now i'm focused on Hellish Details#pro tip never design a character with biker gear it looks sick but you'll be in pain the entire time#especially if u try to make the collar accurate. dont ever ever make the collar of a leather jacket accurate just trust me on this one#anyway thats all for now i will disappear for another ten thousand years
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fuck it. making a poll for my homies who also commit biting/picking crimes
#banebabbles#bane poll#orally fixated fidgeters unite#cw picking#i have no idea what else to tag this as. forgive me#in spirit there's an option that is just specifically the little callous you develop on your finger where your drawing utensils rest#but yeah. man. god. you know nothing is safe from me#my heels are a disaster pls dont look at them#been trying v hard the last couple years to reduce how much ive picked at them but it's difficult lol#im not a nail-biter anymore so that's good but the trade off is that i never have nails still#bc i just clip them if they start getting long enough haha#still it works best!#my lips and fingertips remain unsafe tho#used to chew on my cheek meat a lot more when i was younger but ive mostly stopped that#scabs... aw man.... depends. but usually um. not safe from me alas#SORRY TO EVERYONE. I KNOW THIS IS KINDA GROSS#but lol this is how it be sometimes
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HELP I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING HELP!!! HELP!!!!! its not don yet,,,,,, eoaugh. shoutout to like the 20 coloring/rendering tips and tutorial videos i watched you all did NOTHING to help. GOD. how hard is is to get a tutorial and help for something that actually ISNT naturally intuitive to me???
waaa waaa lineart hard 馃ズ馃ズ waaa waaa sketching hard!!! ok man how about you struggle with figuring out basic color palettes (color is my absolute worst element of art ive yet to even improve on. this backfired on me i shouldve done more coloring pages when i was younger)
#ok but after like 30 minutes of fighting with the colors i do really like the color scheme i did with this..... like#i tried to keep everything desaturated. but also yellow warmish toned#yellow is supposed to be joyful happy yippee but this is NOT a good moment (for killer at least)#so i desaturated it. idk if that got the intended look but i wanted it to be a bit of like a twisted feeling moment#and then the red against the black of his dt vomit is like to show a contrast between the yellow#which could be calming if it was just left on its own to portray intensity and pain and yadayada#can you tell i love color psychology. can you tell. but i cant even apply any of the stuff ive learned at all#I HATE COLOR I HATE TEXTURE!!!! I HAVE ART OPPS AND THOSE TWO ELEMENTS ARE THE OPPS BRO#im glad i chose killer's as first since compared to horror's and dust's in this series his is the most normal ish#i dont know how to improve this anymore but i'll figure something out i guess idk.... art man#i think i deserve to eat a poundcake to congratulate myself for this. at least i got colors down#the tutorial lady said i should figure out color palette and placement first on the piece#and then i should do the actual thing afterwards and kinda clean things up after i figured everything out#worst feeling when you understand a concept in your head but you can't depict it on paper UGH#i have no idea how to draw buttercups btw. in fact any flower. i cannot draw nature#maaaaan i suck ass at this art shit bro i should just give up#nooo noooo..... lifelessly reanimates my disappointed body...... ink would be sad if i gave up#that stupid little skeleton is lucky he's a cool enough concept of a character to motivate me. thank you ink........#tricule rant
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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i know i only posted like. 2 pieces of red dead art so far. but what you don't know/understand is that i have a folder full of just random bullshit ive been frantically drawing on a daily basis for the past weeks + a bajillion more wips in store because i've been trying so damn hard to pace myself as well as still being cautiously anxious of alienating my followers
#i promise guys i pinkie pinkie prommie ill be posting more dmc still#and if you dont give a shit at all about red dead there'll be more of my usual shit soon enough too#i just. have a Problem#(and his name is john mars#as my friends have so eloquently said unfortunately i have Nero'd him#anyone who knows me will understand what that means and the subsequent gravity of the situation#also i know i shouldnt worry so much. like im the first who'll follow artists no matter what fandom even if ive completely lost the plot#and dont even know at all anymore what the source is theyre drawing for HOWEVER#i also have a Problem /neg#where i find it incredibly hard to post for reasons unknown to me#like it took me years to get comfortable posting my art online because theres some part of my gut that just#freezes up when i try to put it on the internet#and over time i overcame that barrier HOWEVER my brain is a dumb animal#and apparently seems to think that 'ok with posting art' thing only applies to dmc related stuff#like theres this Fear that grips me when i think of posting/sharing anything non dmc#it is not founded in reality or based on any rational thought/reason#in short. be patient w me brain machine broke but im SO unwell for these cowboys it is simply absurd to not post the fruits of this disease
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Well I will say something good abt this job that I haven't had at my other jobs is that the owners let us sit down and do whatever we want when there's nothing to do. I don't miss crouching on the floor behind the freezer when my legs hurt so the cameras won't see me
#txt#its nice to not have to hide my phone when they walk by and just stare off into space when theres no customers#esp bc on sundays hardly anyone comes in#so i usually bring books or manga to read bc i dont have anyone to talk to lmfao#sometimes i bring my ipad to draw but i had this whole thing where my boss tried to commission me#and i freaked out bc i hate my art and am not nearly good enough for comms#he forgot tho so its ok#so i dont wanna draw in front of him anymore ToT esp bc he had never actually seen my art
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im actually really worried that im not that interested in &j anymore like ivd been having a hard time writing about it and talking about it online and i mean i talk about it a lot irl but idk like people have been knowing more than me and im starting to feel so incredibly inferior that it's hard for me to enjoy it
#im in this group chaf and im the only one there that doesnt live in new york snf doesnt know any og them irl and theyall know more and see#it a lot and know about the swing order and i dont and ive been feeling so bad about it and it's been so hard for me and then i have friends#that are clearlv better at fandom in general than me so theyre better at characterisation so if i get criticisrd i just feel Terrible and i#havent properly wtitten in ages caude ive been so worried about my characterisation cause a friend very gently criticised me on my character#isation like 2 months ago and i really look up to this person so now i just cant Do anything#and also the thing that they eere pointing out wad more anothrr friend's thing that i didn't even Like much but if someone talks enough i#can be persuaded to anything and also because im just terrified do i#'ll go along with literally anything just because i dont want poeple to hate me#and it's ruining my enjoyment and i mean i made an au and i was hoping that that would make it so that i could maybe write again but nobody#carrd so now i judt cant#i feel so broken right now#also people that were meant to be &j friends are now friend friends and i mean thats Fine#but i cant! handle it!!!#i cant talk about other things unless it's My other things#and i especially cant talk about five nights at freddy's because i used to be hyperfixated on that so now that im.not i just cant! talk abou#t it! or hear about it!!!#not to mention that that game fucking destroyed my life when i was 9 because everyone liked it but i didn't know what it eas anf they wouldn#t explain so now i judt CANT hear about it!!!!!!#i cant do it i cant. do this#i miss when it brought me so much joy but now i hate talking about it online and i cant do it anymore#i can't pretend to care i can't keep being an &j blog even though i do love it!!!! but i feel so insecure and inferior that i just cant!!!!!#i hate this so mcuh im sorry i needrd to get this out#i dont have anything interesting to say anymore and i mean there's also just like. the whole being autistic thing and not wanting peopel to#judge me for my interests which they have my whole life and now it's too much and i cant care this much anymore. i just can't#i dont have anything to contribute either i cant draw and i can't write anymore and i just dont know what to do#sorry
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#periodical life updates#eurgh. hiiii im so tired just got home from the family gathering thing im. exhausted hkjfh. and i still gotta draw the eca#still gonna be quiet for a while sorry gang <3 anyway lets not talk about any of that hdkjf ARTFIGHT THEME REVEAL!!#you'll never guess which team jace ''kellystar321'' starlight is choosing for seafoam vs stardust hfjkh#*gestures at my oc list* but also. what if i dont CARE anymore hfjkhf obviously i want to draw for people! its my favorite part! but like.#GODDD i dont care about my ocs anymore!! :') ive always been more of a fandom guy i dont... /want/ art of my ocs?#like yeah obviously agent my beloved! alexandria my beloved! eca has a whole daily blog! but my actual interest in them is sooo low.#there's so many people on artfight who LOVE their ocs like their children. their ocs are their blorbos!! but my ocs are like nothing to me?#i like fandom characters :'0 i would not be as excited to see art of my characters as someone else would be who actually likes their ocs!!#people should focus more on drawing art for people who CARE about their ocs. because if /I/ don't care about my oc and /YOU/ don't care#about my ocs then WHOS FLYING THE PLANE HJFSD no but theres ZERO ENJOYMENT coming out of it you get me? it doesnt make sense to draw for me#BUT ALSO. for silly ''i dont like seeing them all greyed out/hidden :('' reasons i dont want to archive them and hide them from everyone#/BUT ALSO./ i DON'T WANT ART OF THEM. ATTACK SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE. SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT THEIR CHARACTERS hfjkfh urgh.#like hey sorry i dont? care enough about the guys i made up? can you draw reader or kim k!tsuragi instead? thank you. hdjhfg;;;#also ive been. so tired :'> how much will i even be able to do this year? every year i gain more targets to attack because i keep meeting-#new friends all the time. i have some people from lgbt club im attacking this year! my stickmin friends. avm friends. my hell gang hkhg#my hlvrai friends and my longtime mutuals and MY BUREAU OF BALANCE GANG... not to mention revenges from last year :'>#its a lot. and im so tired;;; so. im not sure. i'd still like to join for my 8th year of artfight but damb. i dunno. :'> <3#okay thats all GOTTA DRAW AN ECA GOODBYE I LOVE YOU!!
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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life would be so much prettier if only there was an easy way to get a binder here
#i talk#vent in tags#screaming big shirts and sport bras arent enough anymore#like. even if they were easy to get. i dunno how will it be with my parents.#mom knows but isn't that supportive she just tries to gaslight me into thinking that its just stupid and doesn't make sense#dad. well. i prefer that my dad stays not knowing.#siblings i think they know but idk i never talked abt it with them properly#i just. i grow more desperated each day. and i hate it. at least now i stay more at home so i dont need to bind too often.#idk. maybe its depression or smth cuz i've been having too many negative thoughts lately.#drawing helps at least i like drawing sm#lay rants
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god I know this is like The Wrong Stance on AI. I know its not about whether the art is Real and Human or If It Has A Soul and how a lot of the arguments against it are the same bullshit arguments people made against digital art like I Know. I Knowwww. but god, I'm really sorry, not to post like one of those annoying poetry bloggers I cant stand (yall are valid, live your truth, theres nothing wrong with what you post I'm just a petty bitch who hates poetry. unless I dont hate it.)
But theres just something about the way AI art will almost certainly never be able to mimic the exact way my pencil leaves an indentation in the paper, the way some of the lines I can never fully erase cause I pressed too hard, theyll have to at least train them to draw with a physical pencil first, and sure, they could train it to draw with a pencil and even erase the exact same piece I drew, line for line, on a piece of paper with a robot arm powered by AI, but they can't replicate. idk. the lineage of lefty bitches in my family, and the way I grew up going through school with my entire left arm silver with graphite, from doodling on my schoolwork. not yet anyway. but I guess I do live for the day we make the ai sentient enough that we can traumatize it by giving it homework after kneecapping its executive functions so it copes by drawing a big tiddy lobster monster. sure
#toy txt post#reblogs OFF i dont trust yall to be normal with this one i do NOT want it getting notes#i posted part of this before in a chat to a friend but im feeling it again. so#i havent drawn my big tiddy lobster bitch in awhile i should draw her again#also yea SORRY im sure this is The Wrong Feeling To Have About AI but also sometimes im a little grateful that i dont think my style is#smth a lot of the ppl coding ai to make art find to be worth trying to replicate except maybe as like a fake progress shot on a piece#which is smth i used to be really insecure about. how unfinished all my art looks bc it isnt to the point i cant fucking watch#like speedpaints and shit bc i just start feeling stupidly insecure about all the points in the video where I Would Have Stopped and been#like. im not touching it anymore i dont want to ruin it#and ive been insecure about my inability to really do digital art with like a stylus and shit like the way i do it with a pencil#and i know that is just me needing to Practice it but being too frustrated by it#anyway i know its just a Tool and its Fine and the problem is the art theft and the labor problems of it but liiiiiiike#i just.#im sure there will be unique things and usages of ai as a tool and i genuinely hope that ppl can figure out a way to make one that isnr#isnt* just full of stolen content bc theres unique fuckin shit about like digital art programs u can write stupid poetry that you hate#about it. or stupid poetry that i hate. cos im the poetry hater. listen. i cant stress this enough: its fine. youre fine. keep posting your#poetry and reblogging shit that speaks to you. im just a Bitch okay Ignore Me#i should go draw bokrae like. eating a computer about this#the real reason for that graphics card shortage was bokrae ate them all when she was in the mood for a crunchy snack
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