#i just don’t want to disappoint anyone or myself with the finished product bc this

[someforeignband]

this big bang is not gonna write itself but boy i wish it would (read: i’m frightened by the thought of failing at something i’ve never done before)

[reidgraygubler]

carolina (spencer reid/reader

Title: Carolina

Request: no, but it was written for @spencerreidbingo​

Couple: spencer reid/fem!reader

Category: smut/angst, with a tiny bit of fluff

Content Warning: SEXUAL CONTENT (praise kink, mild-innocence kink, daddy kink, fingering, oral (male & female), penetrative sex, unprotected sex/cream pie, grinding/petting, hairpulling, breathplay, multiple orgasms, possessive kink, orgasm denial), partying, drinking, swearing, large age gap (between two consenting adults), professor/student, post prison!reid, quick mentions of drinks being drugged (but not actually happening) (if I missed anything, please let me know)

Word Count: 9,064

Summary: Spencer thinks his peer is innocent. But little does he not, she’s not as innocent as he thinks.

A/N: it’s based on carolina by harry styles, bc im a sucker for a good harry song. This was written for @spencerreidbingo​ (i’ll have a separate post with more about that). this takes up the breathplay square on my card (pictured below). This is also the first time im writing a blowjob scene, so im really sorry if it’s not good. i also didn’t have a beta for this, so im kinda blindly posting this. and, lastly, this is a lot longer than i intended. i didn’t mean for it to get this long… it’s just a bunch of words my brain wouldn’t stop saying until i wrote it... i seriously hope you all enjoy this. thank you all for the love and support! check out my masterlist!

~*~* THIS DOES CONTAIN 18+ CONTENT!! *~*~

{***}{***}{***}

I kept my eyes low as I stepped into the lecture hall 5 minutes before anyone else. The professor was writing something on the chalkboard, so his back was facing the room. 

“Uh, hello,” I spoked, stepping closer to his desk. He jumped slightly and dropped his chalk at the sound of my voice. I would have expected him to know students would be showing up earlier, considering it was the start of a new semester. And, I honestly would have assumed he was told a new student was coming. That’s not my job. 

“Oh, sorry,” he turned around to face me. I smiled softly, watching

as he bent down to pick up the chalk. I cocked my head to the side, watching his backside as he stood back up. He pushed his hair away from his face. “You must be the new transfer,” he asked, resting the chalk on his desk, beside a pile of pens.

“Yep. That’s me…” I smiled, looking up at his face, keeping myself from further checking him out. I quickly offered my hand and gave him my name. “I know I’m early. I figured I’d get the syllabus from you now instead of after class,” I nodded as I adjusted my grip on my bag. He stared at me for a moment, his eyes lingering on my face and then down my body, and that moment felt like an eternity. I shouldn’t be mad or frustrated with him. I basically did the same thing to him moments ago.

 I cleared my throat to get his attention once again. “The, uh… The syllabus?” I asked as my smile faltered slightly. He looked at me before looking at the pile of papers on his desk before quickly moving.

“Right, right, sorry,” he muttered as he began shuffling through the piles of paper on his desk. “Um, here you are,” he looked back up at me as he handed me a small packet. I looked at it for a moment before looking back up at the teacher.

“Perfect, thank you,” I spoke, my words kind of lingering because he never actually gave me his name. 

“Right, sorry, Spencer. Spencer Reid. I won’t be a drill sergeant about the whole Mr., Dr., Professor. You can call me whatever you want,” he smiled as he placed his hands on the back of his chair. I held back my laughter and the wildly inappropriate joke that I wanted to make.

“Well, Professor Reid,” I smiled as I looked down at my watch, “I better go find a seat before your class starts. I can’t wait to be in your class,” I looked up at him before turning to find a spot. When I sat down, Spencer looked at me with a smile, before going back to writing on the chalkboard. 

I quickly and quietly pulled out my books and pens as the other people in the class filed in and took their seats. Spencer quickly finished writing on the board before turning around to greet the class. And, even as he spoke to the class, and looked around at each of the other students, his eyes always landed on me, lingering for a moment before going elsewhere.

{***}{***}{***}

Five months. Five months into being in Spencer Reid’s class, and I have been suffering. I’m not a new student anymore. But the only friendship I’ve made is with my fucking professor, and there’s a certain level of tension between us. That tension was probably thanks to him staring at me during lectures, and me teasing him while he taught. It wasn’t too bothersome, but I definitely wanted something to happen. Unfortunately for me, I don’t think anything will happen. 

So, can someone please tell me why I invited Spencer over to help me study for a test? It’s a stupid question too, that I already figured out the answer to… I even finished studying for the day, and I’m going to a stupid party. Maybe I could get him to go with… And maybe, just maybe, something could happen.

I nearly jumped when there was a knock on the door. It’s not that I forgot he was coming over. It’s that I was so wrapped up in doing my makeup and forgot what time it was. My mascara almost smudged when I jumped back. Thank God it didn’t smudge too terribly. 

I grabbed my shirt off the counter and threw it on (not bothering to zip it), before running to the front door. I smoothed out my skirt before pulling the door open. And, there stood Spencer. 

“Hope I’m not too late,” he looked down at me and smiled. Although, his smile didn’t stay for too long when he saw what I was wearing. He wasn’t disappointed though, no. He was… He clearly liked what he saw, I’ll just put it that way.

“Oh! Thanks for coming over, but I actually figured it out. I should’ve called you,” I looked up at Spencer as he stepped into my apartment. I struggled to zip the back of my blouse as I walked towards my room. I looked back over my shoulder and noted that Spencer was, indeed, still following me. “Can you zip me up,” I stopped in my tracks before giving up on zipping my blouse. It was a black crop top that paired well with the pale pink tennis skirt. 

“Where… Where exactly are you going tonight? It’s a, uh, it’s a school night,” he asked as he lifted his hands. The cool metal of the zipper pressed against my back, causing a shiver to go through my spine.

“Uh, there’s this party,” I answered, stepping away from him and towards the bathroom, “Thought I’d go,” I looked at him in the mirror. Spencer looked around the bathroom, at the messy mess I had made on my counter. Different pallets of makeup and tools were strewn about, a varying amount of hair care products tossed here and there. It honestly looked like a bathroom of a pageant queen, and not a 20-something-year-old. In my defense, I had to dress to impress someone here in this stupid university. 

“Is that, uh… Is that smart?” Spencer asked, leaning against the door jamb. I looked up at him as I put on some luxurious red lipstick. I smiled as I looked at him.

“I think it is,” I laughed as I picked up something else and turned to look at him, “You wanna come? I wasn’t invited,” I smiled wickedly as I looked at him. His face paled two shades as he looked at me. “Oh, c’mon, Professor, no one will know us there, and I can assure you, no one will even see us,” I looked up at him as I readjusted his tie. He looked down at me before swallowing roughly. 

“I don-”

“I do need a designated driver,” I spoke before cutting him off. I walked past him and towards my room. Part of me wondered what he was thinking as I so rudely rushed past him, or cut him off, or whatever I was doing. I wished I could hear his thoughts. I wondered if they consisted of “The mouth on that girl,” or, “I should punish her for the way she’s acting,” or, my personal favorite, “I should put that mouth to good use,” 

“How old are you again?” Spencer asked once I sat down on my bed. I looked up at him as I slipped my shoes on.

“22,” I smiled and stood up, “Why, is that important?” I smiled as I grabbed my coat and purse.

“Couldn’t remember,” he lied. We both knew he was lying. He even knew that too. Freaking walking computer is what he is. There's no way he conveniently forgot how old I was. “Are you going to be out late?”

“Why? It’s not like you’re my dad or anything?” I laughed, leading him back to the front door of the house. “I don’t plan on being out too late. I know there’s class tomorrow,” I shrugged as I walked towards his car. 

We both stayed silent as he drove with the directions I was quietly giving him. I was pleasantly happy that we were both quiet, but what I hated was the sudden awkward sexual tension that was between us. If he didn’t have this… domineering personality over me there probably wouldn’t be this tension between us.

“Are you going to come with me?” I looked up at him as I unbuckled. He glanced over at me with slight disappointment in his eye. I felt a little bad, but I really wanted to go to this party, I wasn’t going to let my professor’s disappointment stop me. “Please,” I whispered. He sighed before unbuckling himself. I had to force myself to not verbally giggle with excitement before slipping out of the car. Spencer looked down at me as I twisted my hips to swish my skirt. I smiled as I entertained myself. I'm sure if I wasn't watching my skirt, I would have been staring at him, giving myself away. 

“Steps,” Spencer muttered as we got closer to the porch. I looked up at him before looking towards the small staircase. I looked up at Spencer with a smile. He glanced back down at me, a worried crease in his brow. I looked down at my skirt and smoothed it out. I looked at the door as we stood close to it, I contemplated knocking.

  “So, you weren’t invited to this party?” Spencer asked, looking down at me. His voice stopped me from knocking. Instead, I looked up at him and smiled back up at him. He raised an eyebrow as he waited for an answer from me. My smile grew playful as I looked back at the door, raising my fist to knock on it. “No answer?” he asked, still waiting for my answer.

“Oh, please, Professor Reid, I can get into the hottest parties in LA without an invitation,” I smiled at him. That was a little bit of an over-exaggeration. Most college parties I could get into. But not LA parties. Someday though… 

The door swung open, and we were instantly met with loud music blaring through a speaker somewhere in the house. People’s voices and chatter carried all throughout the house, coming through the various rooms and clusters around. “Are you coming in to babysit me? Or, are you going to go back to your car to read the science of the mathematical phenomenon,” I looked up at him, offering my hand to him. I wasn’t exactly sure if that was a real book or not, but I wouldn’t put it past Spencer to read. 

“I’m not babysitting you,” he corrected as he looked down at me with a disappointed look in his eye. I smiled and rolled my eyes. 

“Are you going to come in and watch me drink and party and have fun, Professor… Or, are you going to go back to your car and read your silly little book,” I looked down at my hand, silently telling him to take my hand and come in with me. 

“I, uh, I don’t think it’s exactly in the rules for a professor to party, let alone drink, with their students,” Spencer spoke before looking down at my hand. I dropped my shoulders and looked up at him.

“Fine then… Suit yourself,” I turned around and basically skipped into the house, leaving the door open for him. I made my way towards the loud kitchen and grabbed for a cup and bottle of whatever booze was nearby. I blindly grabbed for a bottle of Grey Goose and dumped it into the cup, no mixer, no chaser. 

“First off,” Spencer’s voice came from beside me. I looked up at him and took a long sip of vodka. “You shouldn’t be taking drinks from people at a party,” he spoke, taking the cup from me. I looked up at him, then the bottle and a new cup. I was only a little annoyed that he took my drink. 

“I… I’m young. I’m not dumb,” I grabbed a new cup and poured more vodka. I looked up at him and offered him a sip. “I know not to drink something given to me by someone I don’t know.” I scoffed before taking another long sip. I cringed a bit at how strong it was.

“Even then someone could slip something into a drink! Even if you did know them!” Spencer exclaimed, causing the surrounding people to turn and look at us. I dropped my shoulders as I looked up at him. 

“If you look around, Spencer, you’re the only person that I know. So unless you’re the one slipping something into my drink… And, as an FBI agent… I don’t think you would,” I cocked my head to my shoulder. Spencer looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “You have more to say,” I added before taking a sip of my drink.

"And, secondly, you're not as innocent as I had originally thought you were," he watched as I brought the cup of straight vodka to my lips. He looked rather unamused with my talent for drinking straight vodka.

"You thought I was innocent?" I asked, nearly sputtering the liquid with my laughter. "Please! I've never been innocent in my entire life!" I shouted over the music. He raised an eyebrow at my statement, and suddenly I had the greatest idea in the world. "But maybe, just for you, I'll be a good girl," I smiled before drinking the rest of my drink in one go. Spencer looked down at me, his lips pressed into a fine as he stared down at me. Ohh, that definitely awoken something in him. I bit back my smile with my offer. Innocent… He thinks I’m innocent. Ha! I honestly don’t remember the last time I was innocent. And, honestly, just for him… I’d be an innocent, good, little girl for Spencer Reid any day, every day even. “I can be your good, innocent little girl,” I smiled at him and cocked my head.

"I don't… I don't think that'd be… appropriate," he spoke, his words very quiet. We both knew that even though it was inappropriate, we both wanted it. We both knew what we wanted to. 

I glanced at him before pouring more drink for myself. "You should learn to pace yourself," he stated and changed the subject. He nervously looked at the bottle of vodka and then around the room at all the other people drinking. Or, he was just looking for a drink that wasn’t booze. Did he actually want to keep me safe, or was I just overreading him?     

"It's a college party, Professor! I'm not going to pace myself!" I shouted just to get his attention back to me. His head shot back down to me. The level of concern on his face only made me feel a little bad, mostly because he was concerned for me. But, he should know… This is a college party.  “Do you want some?” I asked, offering my drink to him again. I held it up to him, close to his lips. His face twisted up as soon as the scent of pure vodka hit his nose.

“No, no thanks,” he held up at hand to block the cup from his face. I pouted before bringing it to my lips. “Do you usually come to parties,” he asked, his eyes darting around the room. Part of me wondered if he wanted to continue that question with “Like this?” But,  I was too busy keeping my eyes on his face, rather than looking around the room like he was. Although, I’m sure he was used to keeping an eye on his surroundings. I’ve never been too worried about it, I probably should… But hey, you only live once. Going to college parties with your 38-year-old professor, and drinking straight vodka, and not really caring about your surroundings proves my point of YOLO.

“If I don’t have class or anything to study for… Yep,” I looked up at him with a sneaky smile. The joke with that was his particular class had a test coming up soon, and I should be studying for it. He knew that too because he just announced the test this morning. Although, he did come to my home, to help me with said test. “But, I wouldn't show up to his class hungover. It’d disappoint him too much. And, he’d care too much about me to even focus on the rest of the class,” I spoke, answering the questions he was thinking. It’s not like I’ve shown up to classes hungover before. Granted, I’ve never shown up to his class drunk or hungover. Mostly because I didn’t want to disappoint him, and only him. Anyone and everyone else can go blow themselves.

“How do you know that?” Spencer asked, looking back at me with furrowed eyebrows. I smiled and stepped closer to him.  

“How do I know what?” I cocked my head to my shoulder. I already knew what he meant by his question, but… I think teasing him and messing with him is fun. And, he knew that too.

“How do you know that you’d disappoint him?” he looked down at me, pressing his chin to his chest to get a better look at me. His hands were away from me, even though I really wanted his hands anywhere on me. I looked over at my hand and the cup I held before bringing it to my lips. I took a long sip, trying to finish the contents in one go. I tossed the cup over my shoulder and looked up at him with a lazy smile.

“Because being hungover, with the slight possibility of still being drunk, would totally disappoint him… And I would hate to disappoint him.” I whispered and shook my head. Spencer looked down at me with something in his eyes, and I loved the way he looked at me. “I told you, Professor, I’d be a good girl for you,” I cocked my head to my shoulder and smiled, “And only for you,”

“You’re drunk,” he pointed out an obvious fake statement. So, I cackled and shook my head.

“I had one drink,” I scoffed and waved off my in the air, “Most definitely not enough to get me drunk,” I flattened his tie out before gripping it tightly, “Like I said, I wouldn’t want to disappoint you,” I smiled before dropping my hand from his tie, “So, why would I show up to your class… Hungover…? I know you’d care… And I know it’d disappoint you. That’s the last thing I want to do to you,”  

Spencer’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed roughly. He quickly looked between me and the room, then back at me, then around the room. I faked a yawn before looking away from him.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom, okay, Professor?” I smoothed out his jacket before turning and leaving him alone in the kitchen. I smiled as I skipped away from him, my skirt swishing with my movement. I secretly hoped he’d follow me. But, a quick glance over my shoulder told me he was still in the kitchen.

However, when I finished my business and left the bathroom, Spencer was leaning against the wall right beside the door. I looked up at him and smiled. 

“Follow me,” he muttered, grasping my wrist and pulling me down the various halls and past multiple groups of people. I giggled the harder his grasp grew on me and the faster he moved. I’m happy people were too busy with themselves to notice a 30-something-year-old man was dragging a 20-something-year-old girl down the hall, to which I can assume was one of the only open bedrooms. Fuck… I hope it's a bedroom. 

He was a man on a mission. Not letting anyone get in his way. The smile that grew on my lips was pure excitement. I couldn’t help it. I’m sure we’re both getting what we wanted… I hope.

I let out an excited yelp when he shoved me into, exactly what I thought, an empty bedroom. I’m surprised he knew that there’d be an empty room. Most of them are occupied, with couples (or more) doing exactly what I hope we’re about to do. Which was fuck each other.

Spencer slammed the door shut, and quickly locked it before pushing me against it. I looked up at him and giggled like a fucking kid in a candy store. Again, I couldn’t help it. 

Spencer was quiet, which led me to be quiet. The air in between us quickly grew hot and tense and thick. I really wanted this to move faster, but I wanted him to be the one in charge. I was willing to let this be slow and let him be in charge. So, when he grabbed both my wrists and held them above my head, I smiled so hard my cheeks began to hurt.

“Tell me what you want,” Spencer’s voice was low and deep as he moved close to me. There was little to no space between us. Which left little to the imagination, for me anyway. 

I looked up at him, with the biggest doe eyes I could muster, silently telling him that I wanted the most, in the entire world, was to be on my knees, with his hand tangled in my hair, and his cock down my throat, or to be fucked so hard that I won’t be able to sit properly for several days. But, I couldn’t be that blunt. You gotta play up to that moment before you get it. I’m sure in the end though, I’ll get both things.

I swallowed roughly, trying to think of what to say, because, like I said, I can’t just be blunt yet. So, when I opened my mouth and words just came out, I was pleasantly surprised with what was said. “You’re old enough to be my father, Professor,” I smiled at him as he pinned me against the door. He pressed his hips against mine to keep me against the surface. I could feel a large bulge against my inner thigh, causing me to shiver. “Does that mean I get to call you daddy,” I whispered as I looked up at him through my eyelashes. He is the one who said I could call him whatever I wanted… And he did just ask me what I wanted, and I guess I wanted to call him ‘Daddy’. There was no guessing about him.

Okay, he wasn't exactly old enough to be my father. But he was a lot older than me. Most 20-something-year-olds aren't sleeping with men 15 years older than them… and most 20-something-year-olds aren't sleeping with their professor… I just wanted an excuse to call him 'Daddy'. And he knew that too. So, if we gave each other an excuse for that to happen, then that was all I needed.

I dropped my head to my shoulder to allow him to attack the space on my neck. He dragged his nose across my jawbone before stilling. His lips were just over my neck. As his breathing got heavier, it tickled across my skin. 

“That does have a nice ring to it,” Spencer hummed as he dropped my hands and stepped away from me. I swallowed roughly as I stared at him. I missed having his body pressed against mine, and he knew that. 

I looked at him as I brought my hands to his belt. "I thought you said this wasn't appropriate, Daddy," I whispered as I quickly undid the belt buckle, without looking. I almost couldn’t move fast enough to unbutton and zip his pants. If he wanted me to stop, he would have stopped me by now. “Can I?” I looked up at him, a plea in my eyes.

"You've changed my mind," he muttered, watching me with such close intent, “God, please keep going,” he spoke like if I did stop now he’d probably die. I looked up at him as I slipped my hand into the waistband of his boxers. He hissed as my fingers brushed against his cock. A small smile grew on my lips. 

“Didn’t take much convincing,” I smiled as my fingers wrapped around him. A small groan fell from his lips as I looked up at him. When I pulled my hand away from him not even a moment later, he looked down at me with an alarmed expression on his face. I quickly spat on my palm before sticking my hand down his pants. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted this?” I whispered as I slowly stroked up and down his length. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening. 

“I’ve wanted this since you stepped foot in my classroom,” his voice was low and gravely as he spoke. My breathing picked up a little bit as I looked up at him. 

Okay… Maybe he did know how long I’ve wanted this. Because I also wanted this the second I stepped into his lecture hall. I wanted his cock in my hands and his hand around my throat. It only took-what, five months for this? I’ll make it worth the wait. 

“Does that feel good,” I whispered, carefully picking up speed and adding the slightest bit of pressure in my grip. Spencer’s eyes fluttered shut as he swallowed roughly and nodded. I smiled before pulling my hand away from him, again. I slowly lowered to my knees and kept my eyes on his face. 

Spencer looked down at him as he gently pushed his fingers through my hair. His fingers gripping hard on my roots before pulling hard. I smiled before very slowly pulling down his slacks and boxers in one go. I was only a little bit intimidated by his size, but the excitement I felt went straight to my core. 

I took a deep breath and swallowed roughly before looking up at him. My mouth fell open, and my tongue stuck out, silently telling him that it was okay. Although I don’t really know why I was telling him that it was okay, we both knew what we wanted, and it was only going to take me doing one thing.

I made eye contact with him as I ran my tongue on the side of his cock. Our eye contact didn’t last long, mostly because he let out a moan and dropped his head back. I smiled as I licked across his tip. A sweet and salty taste was on my tongue. 

My jaw fell slack as I carefully took his length into my mouth. I closed my lips around him before slowly bobbing my head, with my tongue swirling around the underside of his cock. I wrapped a hand around what wouldn’t fit into my mouth. And wrapped my free arm around his leg for support.

The sounds of his moans and grunts filled the mostly quiet room. Music, although muffled through the walls and door, could still be heard from outside of our own world behind the door and four walls.

“You were right,” he struggled to speak through groans, “You aren’t as innocent as I thought,” Spencer's hand had a rough hold in my hair as he held me against him. His cock was penetrating my throat, and breathing was beginning to get difficult. My eyes grew wet and tears grew in the corners of my eyes. 

“You’re such a good girl,” he looked down at me as the tears started to roll down my cheeks. I wouldn’t be surprised if my makeup started smudging and I looked like an adolescent raccoon. “You look so pretty with my cock down your throat,” he struggled to let out a coo, before moving his hips closer to my face. 

Everything about this moment, his hand in my hair, the sounds he was making, the way he smelled, being here… Was intoxicating. I’d give anything to be in this moment again. And I’d give anything to get this moment sooner.

 My knees would hate me in the morning, I just know it. I could already sense the dreaded carpet burn before he even started. But, in all honesty, it’d be worth it. Walking into class tomorrow morning, with bruises and day-old wounds on my knees, just to see his expression.

As I began to pick up pace, the sounds Spencer was making started to become more urgent, easily telling me he was close. But, before he could finish, I pulled away from him, crashing into the wall to get away from his grasp. He looked down at me with a mild frustration on his face. I smiled before wiping my chin clean of spit. 

“I guess chivalry is dead. Whatever happened to ladies first?” I asked, my voice a rasp from how raw my throat was. I looked up at him, feeling a certain level of sass grow in my smile. Spencer quickly tucked himself back into his pants before grabbing my hand. 

“Come on, on your feet,” he muttered as he pulled me back up to a standing position. I nearly toppled over into him if he didn’t hold me upright. I looked up at him and smiled. 

“Bed… Now?” I whispered, my tone showing how urgent I was. It’s not that I wanted this over with, it's that I wanted everything to happen to me all at once, and I wanted it to last for a long time. 

Spencer nodded before cupping my face in his hands. He was harsh when he pressed his lips to mine, like his life depended on it, if he did kiss me now the world would end. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he started guiding me towards the bed. And when the edge of the bed hit the back of my legs, he pushed me back onto it. I quickly moved so my head was resting on the pillows. Spencer was quick to take his cardigan off and be over me. 

“You’re not going to fail me, are you,” I joked as he quickly started leaving wet, open-mouthed kisses on my neck. He lifted his head and looked down at me with confusion on his face. “If I’m a bad fuck,”

“If you ask that again, or bring up class while we’re doing this… Then yes,” he muttered as he looked at me. I laughed as I pushed my fingers through his hair. 

“Oh, shut up,” I laughed as I pulled him down to kiss him, again. One of his hands landed on top of my breast, carefully kneading it, causing me to moan into his mouth. 

His hand slowly drifted away from my chest. I pressed my head into the pillow and looked up at him with a smirk. He carefully dragged his fingers up from my chest to the base of my neck, causing me to let out a shaky gasp. I wanted fingers and a hand around my neck, carefully cutting off my airway just right. Suddenly, I never wanted something so badly in my life. Something dark flashed in his eyes as he looked down at me like he knew what I was about to say. 

“Do it… I fucking dare you,” I muttered, placing both my hands around his wrist. My nose twitched as I stared at him. “I said fucking do it,” I spat, pushing his hand down more onto my neck. My words slowly got cut off as the pressure in his hand and fingers tightened around my neck. A moan struggled to escape me, but did eventually fall from my lips. He seemed pretty happy with that.

“Is that good,” his voice was a growl. I looked at him and moaned.

“Harder,” I begged, my voice growing raspier the more I spoke. He smirked before allowing his grip to tighten. His other hand was still sitting on top of my hips, and I could tell where he wanted to put it. I’d be a dirty, rotten liar if I didn’t want his hand up my skirt. In fact, I’d love it if he did more than just his hand. 

Spencer swallowed roughly before finally sneaking a hand up my skirt and resting it on my underwear. My grip around his wrist got tighter as he pushed past my underwear and past my folds. My eyes fluttered closed as another moan was strangled in my throat. 

“You’re so wet,” he purred as he slowly moved a finger around my clit. I looked up at him, as I struggled to swallow roughly. A dark smirk grew on his lips as he watched me struggle for a moment. “Does that feel good,” he asked, mildly mocking me from earlier. His movements picked up speed just a little bit, and my body reacted, well tried to react. 

“Oh, you’re such a good girl,” he looked down at me. His pupils were so blown I could nearly see my reflection in them. ���Another thing you were right about,” he whispered as he slipped a finger into my entrance, and curled it just right. My vision slowly blurred before my eyes rolled into the back of my head. Another moan struggled to escape my throat as Spencer added a second finger. 

My body was on autopilot as I lifted my hand and hit his wrist a few times, telling him that I desperately needed to breathe. When I reopened my eyes, I looked up at him a moment before he removed his hand from my neck. Worry and concern flashed in his eyes as I breathed. Air burned like fire in my lungs as I took a deep breath. As I exhaled a loud moan followed behind, easily telling Spencer and I that I had reached my first orgasm of the night. I just hope there will be more... 

“You did such a good job, Princess,” Spencer whispered as he looked down at me. With his free hand, he brushed the tears away from my cheeks. He carefully withdrew his hand from between my legs and held them up to his face. He looked at them for a moment before placing them in his mouth, sucking and licking them clean. I took a shaky breath and nodded. 

He very sloppily pressed his lips to mine, then on the corner of my lips, and down my jaw, and neck. With one quick movement, a loud rip filled the room, as he tore my shirt off my body. I looked up at him with shock in my eyes. To be fair, that shirt was flimsy, to begin with. I was more worried about leaving my chest so exposed as we left the party. 

“Oh, I’ll give you my sweater,” Spencer muttered before attacking my neck and then down to my collarbones, and over my breasts. I gasped as he wrapped his lips around a nipple.

“Mmm, Daddy,” I whimpered as I shifted under him. I brought my hands back up to his hair, tangling my fingers in the hairs on his neck. When he sensed that I was growing restless (even though he just started), he quickly left wet kisses down the rest of my body

“I like the way that sounds coming from your mouth,” he whispered once he was in between my legs. I looked down at him just as he looked up at me. “Good on your end for wearing such a short skirt,” he smiled before pressing his lips to my inner thigh. A shaky breath tumbled from my lips as I looked at him. “Makes for easier access,” he added before going higher up on my leg.

“You’re not going fast enough,” I whined as he just kept kissing, or licking, or rubbing my inner thighs. It was honestly getting annoying. I kind of felt bad for him. Considering I’ve already cum once, and I got him close but didn’t let him finish. 

“I’m not going fast enough?” Spencer looked up at me. I shot him a scowl as I shifted slightly on the bed. Spencer looked back down the apex of my legs before looping two fingers around the band of my underwear. As soon as I lifted my hips, he pulled my underwear off my body and chucked them to the ground beside the bed. “How’s this for fast enough,” he muttered, mostly to himself, before licking between my folds. A breath of air got caught in my lungs as my hands found their way to his hair, my fingers getting knotted up in his roots. 

“Mhm, Spencer,” I gasped, rolling my hips up at him. He hummed, sending vibrations straight to my core. My legs wrapped around him, my heels digging into his back as my own back arched. 

“Ohh, Daddy, please don’t stop,” I cried, pressing my head into the pillow beneath my head. My fingers pulled hard on his hair, pulling him closer to me. He hummed again as he pushed two fingers back into my entrance. My grip in his hair tightened, and I could feel my grip wanting to loosen. 

My breathing picked up as a familiar feeling grew in my stomach. And all I could say was his name, and the suddenly loved nickname I had for him. He seemed to appreciate my reaction too, because he worked faster. Messy and wet sounds, mixed with my breathy moans and calls of his name filled the room, and my end was near. 

“Fuck,” I shouted as I finally came undone. I could sense if I didn’t pull him away, he’d keep going, and going till I couldn’t take it anymore. And, honestly, that sounds great, but I think that’s for next time. I wanted him in me now. “Spencer, Spencer,” I cried as I tried to pull his head away, but failed so hard.

“Nuh huh,” he hummed, looking up at me. I took a deep breath and pressed my head into the pillow beneath me and threw an arm over my face. “Please, Spencer,” I cried as I bucked my hips at him, “Fuck me, please, fuck me, Daddy,” I moaned. He was going faster than before and was clearly trying to work me to the end faster too. It was hard to breathe, and speak because my words would just get stuck in my throat.  

Although, when I did cum, again, for the third time tonight, Spencer did move away from my legs. He knelt between them, wiping his chin with the back of his hand. My body was shaking lightly as I tried to come down from my high.

“Please,” I whispered, lifting a hand up, trying to reach for his tie. He looked down at me with a smile and raised an eyebrow.

“Please what?”

“Please, Daddy,” I furrowed my eyebrows as I spoke. I could feel my voice becoming a little whiney. Spencer moved so he was hovering over me, his fingers gently brushing hair away from my face.

“Tell me what you want, Princess,” he whispered cupping my face in his hand. I looked up at his face, admiring his lips, and eyes, and nose, and the way his lips had a sheen from when he licked them clean and whatever was leftover from when he was eating me out. 

“Please fuck me, Daddy,” I begged, begged. Spencer smiled before pressing his lips to mine for a moment. He sat up away from me to remove his sweater and shirt. My head was spinning from excitement, I didn’t even notice that he was totally undressed.

Spencer was back between my legs, looking down at me like I truly belonged right here. Or, like I was his to fuck with. Either way it was a good feeling. 

“Ready?” He asked, his voice so low that I could hardly hear it over the bass of the loud music. I rapidly nodded my head, worried my answer was the wrong one. But it wasn’t. I desperately wanted this. Needed. I needed this. 

Spencer hovered over me before putting an opened mouth kiss on my lips. I could hardly breathe as he rubbed the tip of his cock against my clit and entrance. I could feel a moan getting caught in the middle of my throat, my body not being about to handle anymore teasing. Until, he very slowly pushed into me.

“Oh, good girl,” he repeated. Those two words, constantly coming off his tongue. Making me feel good. The praise that I hadn’t heard in such a long time, that I longed for. Part of me wondered if he knew I wanted it. “Has someone not been taking care of you?” he asked, looking down at me. I stared at him, not trusting my own voice. My mind was too distracted with the way I felt, light and airy but at the same time full. So I shook my head.

“No, Daddy,” I whimpered and kept shaking my head. Spencer smiled before pressing his lips to mine. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you now. I’ll take care of you,” he mumbled before moving his hips. It took him a moment to get a perfect rhythm. He lips attached to different spots on my neck, leaving hickies in his wake.

“Spencer,” I whispered as I moved my head closer to my shoulder to let him have more space.

“You feel so good,” he grunted as he moved his hips so he was deeper in me, “You feel so good, and you’re all mine,” he pressed his forehead to mine as he wrapped his arms around my lower back, pulling me closer up to him. My breathing got deep, my chest heaving with each breath I took. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down, closer to my face. 

“Oh, be quiet,” I whispered before putting my lips on his. He smiled before passing his tongue between my lips. A moan fell from my lips, which he seemed to enjoy… Considering it was probably just music to his ears. 

“I’ll only be quiet if you keep making those little noises,” he muttered against my lips. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He smiled again as I knotted my fingers in the hair on the back of his head. 

“Faster,” I breathed out, keeping my eyes on him. Spencer laughed lightly as he picked up the speed. My hips bucked with his, meeting at the right points. “Please,” I whimpered as I threw my head back more into the pillow. He pulled his arm away from my back and brought his hand between our legs, where we met. 

“It’s okay, Little Girl,” Spencer whispered before pressing his lips to the side of my face. I let out a shaky breah and arched my body into his. I couldn’t believe how good I felt. I almost wasn’t sure if it was fair that my professor was better in bed than other men my age. He was more experienced, to be fair. “You can finish, it’s okay,” he kept his voice low. It almost sounded like he was giving me permission.

I nodded my head, breathing heavily through my nose. “Mmm, Spencer,” I moaned, loudy, as my walls fluttered around him and my release came. And a few moments later, Spencer thrusted deep into me with a grunt, filling me with his essence. His body collapsed on top of me whence he finished.

“Fuck,” I muttered, my fingers still tangled in his hair. My limbs were sore and shaking slightly from the rough movements. Spencer laughed lightly, agreeing with my statement. “We can’t sleep here,” I whispered, keeping my eyes on the ceiling above us. I wished we could just sleep here, mostly because I was exhausted after everything we did.

“I know,” Spencer replied as he slowly moved off and away from me. I looked up at him with wide eyes. “You’re messy now,” he muttered as he basically tumbled off the bed. I quickly sat up, just to make sure he was okay. Although I was happy he was okay, I quickly regretted moving as fast as I did. 

“Your sweater,” I mumbled, reaching out towards where his sweater was lying. He looked down at it before picking it up to hand to me. He also grabbed a fistful of tissues and moved to between my legs, again. “Just give me your boxers,” I looked at him as he wiped the insides of my thighs clean. He looked back up at me, still cleaning my legs. 

“I’ll give you a ride home,” he spoke as he tossed the dirty tissues to the trash. He grabbed his slacks and boxers, tossing me his boxers. I slipped them on under my skirt, and then slipped his sweater on. 

“I’d hope so,” I whispered as I stood up. My body wobbled for a second, nearly falling over, before I caught my balance. Spencer looked back at me, looking at how fucked I looked. I mean, I probably looked about the same as him. 

“I’d given you a ride home either way,” he said as he redressed. I looked at him with confusion on my face. Either way? So even if we hadn’t had sex, he would have given me a ride. I asked him and he said yes. So I would hope he’d given me a ride, even if we didn’t fuck.

Once we were both ready to leave this stupid party, that I didn’t even enjoy (well, I did, I was just in a different world), or was even invited to, we walked out. It was as easy as pie. And, since no one really knew either of us were here, I won’t be known as the girl who fucked the professor.

The drive home was quiet. Like, even quieter than the drive here. He didn’t even have the music playing. I wondered if it was my fault, if he was regretting what we had done. If I had known he’d be so regretful, I wouldn’t have wanted to fuck him. But, I guess its too late now. 

When I looked out the window, I realized we were parked outside my apartment building. I looked down at my attire and looked back at Spencer.

“Thanks… Thanks for the ride… And thanks for the sweater. I’ll be sure to give it back to you… Eventually,” I looked up at Spencer as I pulled the door open to leave.

“See you Thursday,” he nodded at me. I looked at him before slamming the door shut. I scoffed before turning to walk up to my home. I couldn’t want to sleep.

{***}{***}{***}

Two weeks. Two weeks since Spencer and I fucked. Okay, not too bad. I don’t regret it, and I’m not afraid to say that. However, I think he might be regretting it. Considering he’d been nothing but ignoring me since the night of the par-Well, I wouldn’t say ignoring me since then. He did fuck me in his office the following Thursday. But, it’s still been two weeks since he last said anything to me. Fuck, I’ve never been so mad.

“Good morning, Professor Reid,” I looked at him as I skipped into his lecture hall. I heard his words begin to greet me back, but fail when he saw what I was wearing. “Best get to my seat. Excited for today’s lesson,” I readjusted the cardigan that hung off my shoulders before turning to go to my seat. 

I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my skull as I walked away from him. Or, was he staring at my ass. Most likely my ass. It was my ass he was staring at. I was wearing a fairly short skirt, so that’s on me. But, I’d do anything to get his attention today. And it would appear I have gotten it. 

His lesson wasn’t actually anything important. It was just revision for the test coming up soon. But, it was obvious he had other things on his mind, and I was very clearly one of them. It was honestly a little distracting if I’m going to be honest.

So, I was happy when he called the end of class 5 minutes early. Although that excitement was gone the second he called my name to the front to talk. I looked at the ground as I stood by his desk, waiting for the very last person to leave so Spencer and I could have our moment alone.

“What are you doing wearing that?” Spencer asked as soon as it was just us. I tried to ignore the fact that he was trying to take the sweater off me, and made my shoulders drop.

“What? This old thing?” I asked, pulling the cardigan that he let me wear around my body. I looked back at him and smiled. He was not smiling. “You gave it to me,” I scoffed, letting him take it off me without a fight. I watched as he folded it over the back of the chair before turning to face me. 

“I gave it to you so your,” his words began to get jumbled up as he gestured to my boobs, “So you weren’t exposed in front of any-”

“So no one would see what belonged to you?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest. Spencer looked down at me, a flabbergasted look on his face. I smiled and cocked my head to my shoulder.

“I… I never said that,” Spencer shook his head.

“Yeah, but you thought it,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes. Spencer looked down at me. I could tell that he was trying to be the one in charge, kinda like how he was the other night. But it was so, so clear that he couldn’t be in charge. That he wouldn’t be in charge now. That this was just embarrassing to him. Maybe that’s just how our dynamic would work. Out in public, I was the loud one, the one who made everyone think that I was in charge in the bedroom. And, Spencer, in public, was the quiet, shy, nervous one, who was clearly submissive in bed. But in actuality, he was telling me what to do, when and when I can’t cum.

 “Why were you wearing that?” he asked again, his voice pulling me from my very dirty thoughts. I looked up at him and smiled.

“Because you were ignoring me! I needed to get your attention somehow! And then I remembered I still had that,” I smiled at him. I wished I still had his sweater on, because it was actually quite cozy and warm. The look he gave me made me drop my shoulders, suddenly feeling ashamed about the current situation. So, I stared at him, feeling annoyed. More annoyed than I have over the last two weeks. “Do you regret it?” I finally asked, not really knowing if he’d be mad with my question. 

“Pardon me?” He asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked at me. I shook my head and looked down at the ground. “It’s not that I regret it-”

“So you do,” I looked back up at him and dropped my shoulders again. Before Spencer got the chance to say anything, I cut him off, “Oh please, you loved shoving your tongue, and cock, down my throat,” I scoffed before looking at him. The expression on his face flinched slightly as he looked back at me from behind the desk. “I get to… I get to be your good, little girl, your princess for, what, a week? A day? 12 hours? Whenever the fuck you want... And I’m supposed to go back to normal life the next day? And… And pretend that nothing happened!” I stared at him and shook my head. Spencer looked over at the door and back at me. “Thinking it’ll never happen again!” I shouted. I didn’t mean to shout, honest. But I was starting to get angry. He made me feel something like I belonged to someone. And now I don’t feel like that. 

“Will you stop talking for a second,” he muttered before stepping away from me and his desk. He walked over to the door and shut it. I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as he walked back over to me. “I never said you had to pretend as if nothing happened. And I never said that I regret it,” he spoke in a harsh whisper. I looked at him with mild irritation on my face.

“It sure fucking felt like it,” I spat at him. 

“You’re all I think about… Christ, I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you that. I never said you had to forget everything… Because I’ve been having a hard time forgetting it myself.” He looked up at me. I almost refused to look at him, but his voice was so soft that I had to look at him. “I never expected you to forget,” he added. 

“Then why are you acting like it didn’t happen,” I stared at him before swallowing roughly, “You made me feel like I was wanted, that I belonged somewhere, with someone,” I spoke as I stepped closer to him. It was only a little bit closer to him, not as much as I wanted. But he stepped closer to me, making it so we were the closest we had been all day, in one large step. "You remind me of home," I added in a whisper. Spencer smiled and cocked his head to his shoulder.

“You do belong somewhere,” he whispered, resting his hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him, feeling my heart pick up speed, and butterflies appear in my tummy. “And that somewhere is with me,” he brought at hand to my cheek, allowing his thumb to rest on my lower lip. I looked up at him before he pressed his lips to mine. 

I was honestly expecting him to say something else. I don’t know what. But I liked what he said, it made me feel really good. Like, I belonged with him, and nothing could change that.

taglist: @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​, @thebluetint​

[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (03)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It's simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if...Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively;

"A future without you is a world without color."

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, angst, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

SERIES: CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 4

Note: OC is a lawyer but the author knows nothing about law except the three law subjects she took last semester. errors. ah. there will always be errors here bc english isn’t my first language. anyway!!! enjoy!

Jimin wasn't lying when he said you were a mess. This was evident to Jeongguk the second he stepped inside your apartment.

Pile of cardboard boxes and papers were cluttered all over the floor, causing him to feel uneasy. The faint colors visible in his eyes didn't help to calm his nerves. It was as if he suddenly became hypersensitive to his surroundings.

He assumed that your house wasn't really that untidy, but as stated, the colors made it seem like it was untidier.

"Hi there, buddy." Jeongguk forced a smile at the cat glaring at him. He remembered Jimin telling him that your cat was a bitch. The fury pet was making this strange, scary sound. Jeongguk suddenly wished you were here to stop the cat from attacking him.

He wasn't expecting you to lock yourself inside your room the moment you realized that he was your soulmate.

He was so startled by your reaction that his first instinct was to run after you. The thing was, your cat was blocking your bedroom door—stopping him from intruding your personal space. It was obvious that the little animal didn't like the fact that Jeongguk invited himself inside your home.

Jeongguk didn't know why you were hiding from him. In your defense, you were embarrassed. What were you supposed to say to your soulmate? How were you going to explain to him that the reason why you looked like a mess was because of your demanding job?

Being a civil lawyer was exhausting. One second you're negotiating settlement with the other side's attorney, then you would just find yourself filing motions in court and of course, there were many instances where you're standing before the jury and judge to present a case.

Expertise wasn't the only thing necessary in law. You also needed a great amount of empathy so that you could understand your clients. You cared for them a lot; this was why it was such a big deal for you whenever they choose to omit facts.

You hated it when your clients were being dishonest, you didn't need them to be innocent. You only wanted them to tell you the absolute truth so that you could properly defend them. It wasn't like your job was easy. The fact that most people living in your world see in black and white was already a pain in the ass. Earlier this day, you had a client who was suing a businessperson for selling fake whitening products. She claimed that she spent a whopping two thousand dollars to get that fair skin tone. Sadly, it didn't work.

The opposing side asked your client this: how can you say that the products don’t work when you can’t even see colors?

You were shocked to learn this. Your client was subject to a color test for eyes. She said she could see colors when in fact, she couldn't. Actually, the only reason why the vendor sold your client the whitening products was because she also lied to the seller. The latter's rule was that she wouldn't allow people who see in black and white to purchase her products. This was so she could protect her business' image from fraudster like your client.

Things like this often happened in court. The one you encountered were usually easier to resolve, unlike what criminal lawyers face. This, however, didn't mean your job should be taken lightly.

What happened in court today actually took a toll on you. Your boss humiliated you in front of your colleagues, saying that he couldn't believe an experienced lawyer like you would make such rookie mistake. This made you feel like a loser that's why you decided to go home early to rest. You knew you couldn't work when your heart was this heavy.

You ran yourself a bath the moment you reached your apartment. Jimin was bombarding your phone with text messages to remind you that Jeongguk, a friend of his, was going to drop at your place later today since he was interested to be your roommate.

You simply replied 'Yes, I haven't forgotten. Stop pestering me,' to your best friend. Truthfully, Jimin hadn't shut up about this guy named Jeongguk since last week. He kept telling you that he was the perfect replacement for Seulgi, your former roommate.

You just shrugged it off. Honestly, you didn't care if Jeongguk was the perfect roommate or not. At this point, you would take anyone in. You seriously needed someone who could help you with the household chores.

The warm water grazing your skin made you feel sleepy. Before you knew it, you're off to dreamland; however, your little slumber was disrupted by loud knocks coming from your front door.

"Shit!" Your eyes went wide upon realizing that your supposed to be new roommate was already at the door. As if to confirm the horror, your phone rang.

Jimin was calling.

"Where the hell are you? Jeongguk is in front of your door!"

"I know. I'm so sorry! I fell asleep." You got out of the tub, hurriedly putting on your bathrobe.

"Talk to you later!" You ended the voice call, rushing towards the door. Unfortunately, you slipped on the wet floor.

You whined in pain. Luck was truly not on your side today, but instead of getting annoyed, you simply stood up and went your way to the door.

"I'm sorry, I was in the shower. I swear I heard you the first time you knocked, but I was panicking so I slipped down the floor and I..." You were already blabbering right after opening the door. You hadn't seen your future roommate's face because it was easier to lie without looking at someone in the eyes.

You didn't know why you told him you heard his first knock, when in reality, you didn't. You guessed you just hated disappointing people. What happened with your boss today was something you couldn't let to be repeated again. You couldn't bear to irritate another person.

You kept yourself busy as you reasoned out. You ran your hand through your wet hair, eyes widening when you saw your fingers covered in soap suds.

"Oh, my God!" You were panicking again. This time, you finally looked at Jeongguk to see his reaction.

It was like the world stopped.

No. You did not see colors instantly. What you felt was something strange—mystical perhaps. It was just like how they described it in books and movies.

You thought people were exaggerating about what they claimed they felt when they met their soulmates.

Apparently, they were not.

You know the feeling of finally seeing the rainbow after the strong storm? It was like that. Except this was way better. Your young self was probably rejoicing now. Being able to meet and look in your soulmate's eyes was dazzling.

The colors were becoming visible now, it was faint—this was in contrast to the embarrassment you were feeling.

You suddenly became very self-conscious with what you looked like. You were wrong. Your young self wasn't that happy because she wasn't expecting to meet her soulmate like this.

You were aware that you looked awful. The bags under your bloodshot eyes were probably so deep. The soap suds in your hair made you appear ridiculous. The most horrifying of all? You were wearing a bathrobe designed with the face of your favorite cartoon character.

"Uh—"

You ran away, locking yourself in your room before Jeongguk could finish what he was about to say.

Your heart was beating so fast as you stared in the mirror. The disgust you felt intensified. God. You looked horrible. You mentally cursed the brand of the mascara you were wearing. So much for claiming to be smudge proof! Curse yourself too because this wouldn't happen in the first place if you only refrained from crying over your boss' mean words, but it seemed like you never learned. You just scolded yourself from crying easily, but here you were, tears were painting your cheeks once again.

"No..." Your lips quivered. You were stronger than this. You weren't going to ruin your chance with your soulmate.

Determined, you quickly changed into a sage dress. Your hands were trembling because of your new found excitement. You loved colors ever since you were a kid. The fact that you couldn't see them didn't stop you from learning its meaning. You studied good color combination before. You were aware how to aesthetically match the hues. For instance, you knew that you would look ridiculous if you wore a neon green shirt and bright pink jeans. You were always careful in choosing what to wear, so now that you could finally see colors without referring to your color palette generator, you were beyond happy.

When you looked decent enough, you decided to finally face your soulmate. The first thing you saw as you opened your bedroom door was Jeongguk sitting on your couch—this was a very shocking scene. No. You weren't surprised because he was casually plopped down on your sofa, what you didn't expect was to see Miri, your bitch of a cat, to be so comfortable on Jeongguk's lap. Your pet looked at peace; the usual hiss she was making was replaced by a silent purring. Her bambi eyes mirrored your soulmate's same big, doe eyes.

You cleared your throat to get Jeongguk's attention.

"I let myself in, I hope you don't mind." You couldn't decipher what he was feeling. Jeongguk's voice was soft, but there was no hint of emotion there. His expression was also unreadable.

Jeongguk tore his gaze away from you when he realized that you were staring. As if this wasn't already awkward for him, you went on to say something that made him more uncomfortable.

"I've been waiting so long to meet you! Are you going to move in with me now?" You plopped down beside Jeongguk, squeezing your body between him and the arm of your sofa. Miri hissed since she was astounded by your sudden action. Actually, Jeongguk was surprised too. Your couch was pretty spacious; he didn't understand why you had to press yourself beside him.

Jeongguk also didn't know why you sounded so hopeful. The sparks in your eyes caused him to scowl; however, this didn't stop you from speaking your hopeless thoughts.

"We could do a lot of things together! I had planned everything since I was young!" You giggled. You didn't know why you were so comfortable telling him things. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that you two were soulmates.

However Jeongguk was confused with your weird idea of wanting to do all of this romantic stuff with him. The uneasiness he felt couldn't be contained anymore when you abruptly talked about dating—as in dating him.

"Whoa, whoa..." He cut you off, arching his brow and moving away from you. "Slow down, will you? I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh." You blushed, immediately realizing that you had gone too far. "I'm sorry I got carried away. I was just excited to meet you." You couldn't help but beam at him.

Jeongguk continued to raise his brow at you.

"Why? Are you really that desperate to find a roommate?"

It was your turn to raise a brow at him.

"N-No, I just..." You breathed in, unsure of what to say. "I'm just happy to finally meet my soulmate."

"Soulmate?"

You flinched because of the bitterness in his voice. His innocent eyes turned dark, he was glaring at you. Miri was startled once more. She jumped on your lap because she was getting scared of Jeongguk.

"I'm sorry to break it to you, but I don't believe in soulmates." The word 'soulmate' sounded so rough coming from him, making you flinch again.

Many people had told you that you were good at gauging the feelings of other people, this was why your heart skipped a beat when you saw pain and anger crossed Jeongguk's feature. It was as if he was betrayed by someone.

"It's the most absurd thing I've heard in my entire life. Only stupid people believe in soulmates. I mean—" Jeongguk sucked in a breath. He was so annoyed that he didn't even know how to express his thoughts without breaking apart. "It's limiting the possibilities for people. Why am I required to fall in love with someone I barely know? Why should I leave the person I truly love just because a person meant to be the love of my life," he paused, quoting the words love of my life in the air. "Helped me see colors? It's like forcing me to do something I don't—no, I can't do. It's such a burden. Love can't be bought. I refuse to be with people just because they helped me."

There was silence after Jeongguk's long speech of the reasons why he didn't—or as what he claimed—couldn't love you.

Jeongguk wetted his bottom lip. The silence was making him hate himself. He hated himself because he saw the tears forming in your eyes, an obvious sign that you were hurt because of what he said. But most importantly, he hated you.

It was unlikely of him to hate someone he just met—or to simply hate anyone at all, but everything about you was making him mad as hell.

He hated your hopeful eyes, he hated your beliefs, he hated that you were the person hindering him from being with Red.

He knew it was unfair to blame you since Red chose to leave on her own, but he still couldn't help himself because the idea of soulmate was what urged her to leave.

You were Jeongguk's soulmate and for him, it meant nothing. So with a furrowed brow, he stared hard at you as he said this:

"I'm making you choose right now. Either accept me as Jeongguk, your tenant or Jeongguk, your soulmate. But just so you know, I will never stay with you if you treat me like a soulmate."

His word stung, though you were aware that the only way to make him stay was to choose the former option. At least this way, you got to be with your soulmate.

The colors you see were starting to fade away and it was okay...

[ionfusionpunk]

The Bad Batch: IMO

So! I watched the Bad Batch! TL;DR at the end 🙃

Ngl, and please don't bash me for this, but I haven't actually finished TCW? My mom and I are still only a couple episodes into season 1, but we're also trying to watch the episodes in chronological order, not release order, plus we're both busy people, so. Kinda hard. Means I haven't watched Season 7, yet, ergo I haven't watched the episode where we meet the Bad Batch. But like anyone embroiled in this fandom, I still know a fair bit about them/what happens.

I'm a little disappointed that Crosshair is the bad guy. Like, I get he's cranky? And I'm all for angst for any character, but, like. Based off the explanation they give in-show, Wrecker would have been an equally valid choice for the chip sorta working, imo. More valid, even, bc his genetic mutation has less to do with his brain directly in the same way Tech's, Hunter's, and Crosshair's mutations do.

Speaking of Wrecker, the Big Brute act? Nah. Not A Fan. I have multiple relatives on the spectrum (ASD), and I was honestly expecting Wrecker to come across like my brother does? i.e. he understands better if we don't layer our conversation with sarcasm/implications/subtext? But that doesn't make him dum, just less socially... proficient? ept? Smooth as everyone else.

Kay. Now, touching on the whitewashing, since this topic is gonna be everywhere. Look, I absolutely 100% agree that Filoni did us Dirty with how the clones all look. Echo, my poor child, you should have more melanin. Everyone, unless you have specific mutations, should have more melanin. They should also look younger, look more like Temuera, etc. etc. But. I don't stan hate of anyone on this blog, okay? We don't know why the choice to whitewash was made. I don't agree with it, but we shouldn't just hate on Filoni for that. In regards to the BB specifically, yes they could have chosen to alter appearances to be more politically correct. Consider though: identical art style connects BB directly back to TCW; art style makes the character immediately more familiar to younger/older/less involved viewers who otherwise won't have much of an opinion on the Dirty done. Please also consider that someone on the production team may have wanted to do right by our boys but for whatever reason were unable to this or the first time around, and that doesn't automatically make it Filoni's fault. Just... don't judge? Don't hate. There's enough of that in the world that I'll happily settle for disappointment and correcting my art to reflect what I believe the clones should have looked like.

Full disclosure, I in fact created a cis-female clone character a couple months ago. She was part of the Alpha batch and the first female mutation, and the trainers, looking upon her as lesser, took to calling her Omega as an insult. After proving she was very much a BAMF, she chose the name Oma and later became the Alpha trainer of other clones with mutations, including several with different intensities of albanism, vitiligo, neurodivergency, Force sensitivity, etc. I really like her and think she's a cool gal. (I don't have any art of her yet, unfortunately.)

On Omega: I adore her, okay? I love how she was copying Hunter it was so cute - akaskdjhf. And, like, is she Force Sensitive? Oh please oh please oh please let her be.

Now, I've seen some stuff about how another Dirty was done in 'bending over backwards' to make her female when she could have just been trans? Alright, look, I'm not gonna disagree, because you're right, but I also refuse to agree, because look: cloning isn't an exact science, even for the Kaminoans. Look at all the mutations they had. From what I understand (I'm no expert, so don't quote me on this, but also feel free to drop me some resources), it's not impossible, improbable, or unreasonable to assume that amongst alllll the clones created, a small percent didn't mutate female. Assuming that Jango was Near-Human, at least (the Kaminoans could have altered the alien DNA out of the base coding), the clones would have started as female fetuses before the Y-chromosome kicked in, right? That's how that works for us regular humans afaik. On top of that, there are exceptions to that rule, because then you have other mutations like mutations in the SRY gene or variations in the number of the sex chromosomes themselves, etc. Basically what I'm getting at is that there should have been more cis-fem clones, but chances are most of them were decommed or forced to undergo trans therapy (is that what you call it? Idk, I'm sorry, don't mean to offend). Omega most likely wasn't engineered to be female; she probably had extra mutations on top of that to make her more desirable to the Kaminoans to keep around for study (e.g. her Force sensitivity???).

On a final note, to end this with my Writer Brain, I would love to see them portray the side-affects of their mutations. Just - chef's kiss.

TL;DR: Dirties were done. Wrecker isn't stupid. Crosshair probably wasn't the best choice for villain, though Angst is Life and is Good. Whitewashing is a problem, but I am Aware of it and can keep myself from making the same mistakes while still enjoying SW content. And while it would have been nice to see a trans clone character, it's okay that Omega isn't, because the choice actually makes sense bc of Science. Have a lovely day :)

[lysiso]

hi how are u :D any thoughts to share

im doing pretty okay :) and yes a few my brain is always full with stuff OR nothing at all theres no in between so get reaaaaaaddyy :D

I bought moldavite and i have it for two days now ik thats like nothing its only two days right but tbh i dont feel that much and was disappointed but its only two daaays also i really do think my life's on its way to be turnt upside down like i cant explain how i know but i mean it in a good way i feel like the coming few years are going go be so transformational. Why am i (are we) not able to see or meet aliens? i would LOVE to meet a kind nice friendly benevolent alien!!! How did humanity's "intelligence" get so far to the point of it being self destructive? isn't it weird like we came from lil fish in the sea.. to blabla... to blabla.. to homo sapiens... we became so intelligent that we invented all this stuff like technology and all that and yet we NEVER learn from history, ALWAYS repeat the same mistakes and are literally KILLING the earth and other people like isn't that crazy we've become so far... just to be our own destruction thats absolutely bonkers... Why am i so awkward around thid guy from work sure i may have a teeny tiny crush on him but damn get ur shit together right lmao.. WHY is it that when i mention it's been a while since i've smoked weed people offer to go to their place and i can have some but like.. no i want weed either for myself or for me and my friends like why do people suggest that i can come over if i want i barely know u, we are just colleagues why would i wanna get high w u idk u like that... also ur double my age you weird ass man why are u even offering. More importantly why isnt my CRUSH offering... sad... i miss weed, i miss hanging out w friends, i miss being extra w makeup and outfits, i truly hope corona wont be too bad next fall bc i got big ass travel plans (im so excited abt this wtf!!!!) and i really hope i can actually go to the countries i want.... it's literally my dream. Why is banana and chocolate such a good combo? Cote d'or is the BEST chocolate ever oh my GOD it's superior. Brooklyn 99 is so funny and so good. I say i dont have a phone/social media addiction but im literally on it the entire ffin day and it's keeping me from being productive. I hate when people talk abt body positivity but then make fat people feel guilty abt wanting to lose weight or actually losing weight. I want someone to *** ** *** so bad i've been so ***** ******. I should rly start attack on titan it looks really cool, i should finish kakegurui first tho. I really wonder if someone, anyone ever had a crush on me like literally aaaaanyone?? I cant wait to go TRAVEL NEXT YEAAAAAR. Why is my best friend so fucking bad at texting... like tbh some ppl are so ffin dry over text and they always always say "yeah lmao im rly bad at texting" like bitch wym how?????? u got all the emojis and u know popular vine/tiktok memes so???????? use them????? I would love some red wine rn. I love music, but i rly don't get how like.. earbuds work i truly dont like wym the music is transfered through little wires like how like what even is music? is it also made out of 0s and 1s i truly dont get it ALSO what the FUCK is wifi and other wireless tech? like how does that WORK??? i'm like starting to think we got the whole technology thing from aliens. People who don't believe that there's other life out there are so weird.. u cant possibly start to imagine how big this galaxy is let alone th universe and u dont think there's any other life out there?? dumb. omggg i. love. any. potato. dish. yuuuuuum!! I miss Gina in b99. I have quite a few mutuals on here that i've been following for YEARS i wish i could send them all a hug. I simply don't get how you could be okay with being such a shitty person that ur a BILLIONAIRE but u dont give to others.... i wonder why people even WANT to have so much money like... up to a certain extent sure like i do believe money Can make up happy but at a certain point u already have everything u want so literally why not.. save people from dying on the streets like this is so weird. I loveeeeee this tomato-basil bread i once made i cant forget it it tasted like... pizza bread omg yum

[swtchaeos]

Atots Final Overall Thoughts

I have had a few days to think and breathe after finishing the show so i'm back to write my "whole serie overall" section because it does deserve one so i can come back on some stuff and add more. I've taken a few notes through the days when i remembered particular elements i wanted to discuss in this. It will be long, i will try my best to make it feel organized but i can't promise it will be mostly because my thoughts are messy. This won't probably be chronological as the past reactions were but i'll try my best to make it make somewhat sense, if not well excuse me.

I'll get started with production, location and everything scenery related that needs to be adressed, that i really haven't talked about much before (my apologies). All the production choices on location were so beautifully made and it's part of the view series that just get you to completely dive in into that world just from scenery. The Pha Pun Dao village and all those chosen locations like the Pha Pun Dao Hill or the waterfall, as it becomes a place of growth for Tian and a place he can call home, it becomes for the viewer a place they get attached to. Those roads, the school, the hill, the waterfall, all feel by the end of the show places you know and feel the warmth of. So many shots of the village are engraved into my brain because of how beautiful they were. The view from the hill just takes your breath away and makes you feel small and amazed at the beauty of the world when you are just watching on a laptop screen on your couch or bed. I've dived into that little village world, got attached to the people and to the place itself and by the end of it, when Tian left, it felt like i was leaving that place i had never been in and still somehow felt sad i wouldn't get to see that again. Every part of it felt really genuine and you can see through it the intend of the producers, directors and overall the work of all the team through the shots and atmosphere of the show. Did it make me want to go there ? Yes. Will i end up going ? Probably not. Will i make up for it by making sure i have at least one looking up at the stars, counting them and talking date in my lifetime ? (yes it's close enough to me) Absolutely (once i find anyone up for it).

I feel like going on from the village and scenery i have to know acknowledge characters and actors starting with talking once again about Tian's character development. If there is one thing i have been pleasantly surprised with, it's Tian's growth and journey. It's a journey to self-worth, happiness, forgiveness in himself and i'm certain that reflects and parallels to Mix's actor journey given it was his acting debut. I have spoken plenty of time about his growth, the way he acknowledged his feelings and doubts, made sure to express them and was able to find happiness, prosperity and good health (especially mental health) through the love and unity of that place he's able to call home by the end of the show. I have to admit i really wasn't sure about his character at the beginning of the show but the way they handled his development and growth made it worth the wait.

Phupha on the other hand still has stuff to work on. You can feel he'll still have to learn and grow within himself to be able to find a middle ground between his words and his actions. Despite everything, the last episode still showed him protective of himself and the people he cares for, which isn't bad but still showed contradictions between what he was saying and the way he was acting. I got less attached to the character of Phupha than of Tian's because of the way it's written. There are things about his personality and actions i don't particularly agree with but it doesn't make him awful. Phupha's character has depth and is hard to understand. We have seen that from the misunderstanding going on, but he didn't really have the opportunity to grow and evolve his mindset in the serie meaning he stayed true to himself even at the end, which really contrasts with how much of a development Tian got.

Going onto Phutian as a couple. Those two definitely have chemistry, there is no doubt. If you've read all my reactions you know how much i talked about the cliché aspect of their relation at the very beginning. The passing out and getting caught in the arms of the other, the intense stares that go on for way too long, the coming up behind the other to help him do something (tie the mosquito net here) or the "hold me tight" moment on the motorbike, honestly starting with all those romance clichés i was genuinely scared about being able to acknowledge their relation as cute and genuine when most we were fed was romance clichés. But those two genuinely developped a bond and had chemistry through the playful "fights" and smirks, or heartfelt conversations, their chemistry doesn’t come from those romance drama clichés but it was more them aside of that that really convinced me there was more to it. Despite the whole "it's my duty" drama, it was obvious that they both care for each other but that Phupha's ways of expressing are more intricate which added to the communication issues make the whole ups and downs of their relationship. What would have been great though is giving more dimension and acknowledging the differences in their love languages. You can clearly see the characters have different love languages and that Phupha's is the root of his tendency to protect himself as well as protecting people around him. This was more subtle and i feel implied but it's also a source of confusion and what brought conflict to Phutian's relationship and did not really get resolved.

I want to quickly mention how much i appreciate that Tian's growth and happiness did not come entirely from Phupha but more from the place and everyone he was surrounded by, as well as himself. I hate the whole dependance trope so i was happy it wasn't huge part of that, as much as side characters tried to push it onto the couple.

As i'm talking Phutian but props need to be given to EarthMix for bringing them to life the way they did. The chemistry between them was splendid. Also i'll touch on it now because i'm talking acting skills but those damn eyeshift and microexpressions were everything. When, during the first episodes, i was very much not convinced by the intense stares, i found them more and more endearing by the end of it because of Phutian's eyeshifts when staring at each other. Those made me feel both so single and warmed my heart very much. I said it in the reactions but i'm not one to notice people's eyes especially not first thing. But those eyeshifts made it so that my attention was brought to their eyes and as much as i don't believe in the "i could see it in their eyes" a lot was conveyed through those.

If i was to talk about all characters in details in that show i’d still be here in 10k words and i don’t think that’s great so i’ll just say that the whole cast was amazing, so good and that no i don’t forgive Dr. Nam.

Briefly, I need to mention my villain origin story : not even one acknowledgement of Phupha, Yod, Rang and Dr. Nam that they knew about Torfun’s death to the village. I would guess they did it "off screen" in a way if it was a real village but for the show not to get that acknowledgment was to me a big deal. Tian acknowledged his mistake of not saying it and payed the price for it even holding too much responsibility on himself. Both Phupha and Tian made that mistake here of not telling anyone, out of fear and love, out of fear then love. And not once, not once are we seeing Phupha acknowledge he made the mistake too. Thats probably one of the reasons i hold disappointment on the growth of Phupha’s character. Tian miscommunicated bc of his view of himself, his self worth being at its lowest in reason to the responsibility of the death he felt, that’s understandable. Phupha didn’t act on Tian’s words right away saying he knew too because of that added factor of feeling betrayed, and learning the man he loves "killed" the woman he sees as a sister, that’s understandable. I also completely get that Phupha and the three others didn’t tell the village right away, as they were grieving, holding onto one’s shoulder the responsibility of announcing a family member’s death (basically family) is a lot. But not giving Phupha a redemption arc in the eyes of the village and for Tian, feels to me like a treason. I know i’m only saying Phupha in here but i also am not forgetting the implication of Rang, Yod and Dr. Nam. Just one scene. That’s all i was asking for. One scene of redemption to make people understand that they all made mistakes.

Going back to stuff i talked about before because it needs to be brought up again, BGM and OST. Phenomenal. It played such a huge part in the show. And not only the OST or the music that’s part of the story. That BGM all throughout the show was splendid and i can genuinely say it’s probably what made me fall for the show. I know, bold statement there because seeing how long this post is getting, there is a lot that is amazingly done in that show. The music was just THAT great.

As for predictability that i touched upon in past reactions it wasn’t that bad that i knew everything that was gonna happen in the show, i’m not that much of a psychic to guess the whole story. But with what you are given throughout the show, it is quite easy to figure out the way the show is heading. I made numerous calls (out loud to myself, while watching, what about it) and maybe one wasn’t right. Out of the whole show. Maybe i have watched too many shows, am able to catch on hints quickly or maybe it’s cause in the back of my head i knew i was gonna write-react to it so stayed really focused. All in all it was slightly predictable and i’m pretty sure the producers and writers give loads of hints and details so that the story makes sense. Overall yes, i was able to guess a lot of how it would unravel which as someone that loves being right made me happy. But i do also like when shows are slightly less predictable so that he catches me off guard.

Also the substory/sidestory was amazing.

i’ll wrap things up here i think i said a lot. Was the best show ever written ? Certainly not (sorry). Do i still find some stuff wrong about it ? Sadly yes. But do i think it’s a great step and still liked it ? Absolutely.

It was different. It is a step in the right direction, away from the toxicity in relationships, awful plot lines and underlying homophobia. I’ve said it plenty of times before but this show was so human-like which made it so touching especially when you’re a human with a lot of empathy. The emotions, the mistakes, the self-worth,... so much you can relate and get attached to. I like to sigh about communication issues but i can’t deny it’s such a human thing and engraved in our society trait not to communicate enough or correctly. But seeing a show showcasing growth and progress in communicating is what i want to see. Stuff is lacking yes but so much is great that it can’t go un-ackowledged. So overall, would i recommend a tale of thousand stars ? Definitely.

And Oli, thank you.

[funkyfatbabe]

i really wanted to do this makeup questionnaire!! you could say i was tagged by @cacupid (but not really dshjka) so here i am 🥰🥰🥰

What foundation/concealer do you use? 

currently i dont use a concealer bc i havent found one i like and i feel like concealer generally looks a bit cakey on me since i like light coverage, but i use the Too Faced Born this Way Foundation in the shades snow and cloud (mixed together) although i’m thinking of looking into the new Fenty Pro Filt’r Hydrating Longwear Foundation since I know they have my shade (tried the matte formula) and I would rather support Fenty than Too Faced! Not gonna try it till ive used up all of my BTW though 🥰

What do you think of fake eyelashes?

i think they can look super pretty! but i also dont like using them myself bc i have deepset eyes and they generally cover all my eyeshadow ! i will use them if im doing a campy / editorial sort of look but im so bad at applying them its barely worth it sometimes fhadsjfak 

What makeup tools do you use in makeup application?

I use mainly a brush set i got from BH cosmetics which are great quality as well as some Ecotools brushes i got from Coles. i also use a cheap makeup sponge i got from kmart bc it does the job and its ridiculous to spend $30 on a sponge that is no different than cheaper sponges!! 

What makeup do you currently wear every day?

i don’t wear makeup everyday but when i do and its not like a ~special~ look i generally use no primer (besides moisturiser), the foundation I mentioned set with my Australis HD Translucent Loose Setting Powder which I’ve only just started using and i like it so far, really finely milled! for my brows i use my Rimmel Wonder’full Brow Gel in 003 Dark Brown since it darkens my brows perfectly bc if I do it too much I look like a neanderthal lmao (love that deep set eye prominent brow bone combo). For eye shadow I generally use my Anastasia Beverly Hills Norvina palette or my BH Cosmetics Love Signs palette followed by my Elf H2O Proof Eyeliner Pen (not the greatest eyeliner but since i only do wings and dont fully line my eye it works for me!) I then curl my lashes and apply the Benefit Roller Lash Mascara (the sample sizes last so long). If I’m doing blush it’ll be my Revlon Insta Blush Stick in Nude Kiss or Maybelline Fit Me blush in Rose! Finally i’ll generally use one of my NYX Soft Matte Lip Creams since I find them super comfy and set with Morphe Continuous Setting Mist!!

What do you think of makeup?

I enjoy makeup as a way to express myself creatively since i suck at traditional art lol but i also think it can be dangerous and that the current insta glam makeup that is trendy now is dangerous - no one can look that perfect!!! i also think it fosters self esteem issues with much of the marketing bc thats how they make money, by shaming people!! i also hate when im expected to wear makeup i think its a problem when it gets to that point where someone has literal anxiety about being bare faced, like it can really be traumatic ! also the trend of having tons of makeup i mean that shits expensive and you really dont need that much, it shouldnt be normalised AGH. i also hate how a lot of brands sexualise their products which theyre promoting to young girls !! its disgusting!!! dont call your mascara better than sex or your blush orgasm i get so heated over this, they shouldnt think to use makeup to make them ~sexy~ theyre young girls this makeup makes them look like theyre in their 20s they shouldnt be worrying about their appearance in this way theyre kids AGH

  What cosmetic products have you always wanted to try but still haven’t?

I really wanna try some colourpop products, nothing in particular but i hear their quality is great for the price and if that doesnt draw me in idk what does!

How often do you shop for makeup?

not very often, i usually buy makeup if i need to replace a staple in my routine, or if i see a palette i really like and am in the financial position to buy it / can’t dupe it with my current collection

Who are your favorite bloggers/vloggers?

i LOVE Smokey Glow and Nisipisa, they’re great if youre looking into makeup with a critical anti-consumerism eye

Do you like multifunctional products like lip and cheek stains?

yes! i use my cream blushes for lip stains sometimes and they look very nice 

Do you subscribe to any beauty boxes?

nope! idk if there are any in australia and id rather just buy stuff i want than buy random things that i might not even like

Favourite recent beauty buy?

probably my Sugarpill Fun Size palette! the colours are so unique, but i was rly disappointed in the shade Twitch it under-performed compared to the rest :(

All-time favourite beauty item?

probably my BTW Foundation bc it was the only foundation I’ve ever used that doesn’t sink into my pores and cling to my dry patches

Any beauty brands you won’t support?

Jeffree Star Cosmetics, Kat Von D, Kylie Cosmetics, KKW Beauty, most influencer brands, Huda Beauty, Limecrime, Morphe (when I finish my setting mist I won’t be buying again)

I tag anyone who wants to do this! i dont really know anyone on here so just go for it  💖 sorry that this doesnt make heaps of sense i struggled putting my thoughts into words haha

[pr0sciutt0]

just gonna answer some more anons about the plus size reader stuff below the cut so i don’t clog up the dashboards of all of u lovely followers and then regular service will resume!!!!

Anonymous said to pr0sciutt0:Yay!! Im so excited! Thank you for being willing to write for poc! Readers and im excited to read the fic you linked! As a plus size girl myself, Whenever I read fics where the reader is I cant help but feel more confident about the parts of me Im self conscious about. Also im so glad you write with us in mind ❤️❤️ and Ive got even more admiration for your work! That anon must not realize most fics are small figure based 🙄 im sure they can get over it. They were being rude.

representation is important!!! i have life experience of writing for characters with dysphoria and chubby characters and lots of others so seeing them represented makes me feel happy, and i’m glad i can do something for other ppl too!! just pls remember that i am white and i may very well fuck up so pls do not be afraid to call me out!!! <3 

Anonymous said to pr0sciutt0:Oh geez, there's plenty of reader fics I don't read because they don't apply to me (like of a specific gender or sexuality) but I just skip them and move on. There's still plenty of stuff out there! I also don't like going into detail about Reader's physical appearance, unless, like you said it's specifically asked for.

bird meme “i am uncomfortable when we are not about me???”. i like to write vague stuff so as many people can connect to it as possible! that’s why if i get an ask that’s very obviously for someone’s o/c or whatever i prefer not to answer it bc i want my content to be enjoyable for lots of people!!!

Anonymous said to pr0sciutt0:Ive read your terzetto fic about a million times and even though its about a chubby reader you still dont describe the body THAT much like???? Anon just say you're fatphobic and move on

and its like. specifically THAT chapter. the body praise self-conscious chapter. i havent reviewed the others in a while so there might be more bigger readers but like, not all of them?! i try not to over-describe even for plus size reader’s bodies bc people carry their weights and stuff so differently! haz and i wear the same size in clothes but we carry our weight differently in different places so we look different!! i want people to Relate!!

jojotrashcan said to pr0sciutt0:Nat!! I just want to thank you for including a chubby reader in your works! As a certified fat gal (tm) it’s hard to identify with works of fiction, and it’s nice finally having something that reflects my body type! So just like a huge thank you from me! You know this already but I love and appreciate all you do for this community, and it always disappoints me to see someone send hate to some one who works so hard for us! Keep your chin up b/c I appreciate seeing diverse fiction!

i love u!!!! idk if i’ve mentioned before but what i want to do when i eventually Get Better At Not Letting My Mental Illness is work in a publishing house, specifically a YA imprint bc i’d like to make a push for more diverse heroines in ya lit!!! (i also wanna WRITE diverse ya heroines but u feel me, one thing at a time)

Anonymous said to pr0sciutt0:So God forbid someone write for different body types and races I low key just glaze over some fics cause you can tell who it's for even just with little hints of the body or skin type. Can't a girl a plus size girl be loved too by her fictional favorites :(

no . . . fat people . . . MUST BE UNHAPPY. ONLY WAY. 

bubbleu said to pr0sciutt0:Let also include the fact that if in most even kdramas , anime, or any type of tv show or movie if it's a big girl she usually ends up having to lose weight for guys to even like her or even look her way so how dare people be inclusive in fics for fictional people you do you boo I'm happy you're writing for anyone literally fuck that puto

these people are not happy that i’m like a size 18 and my fictional boyfriends still love me. its SO RARE to find a fat gal character where her desire to lose weight isn’t a driving character force. and its always always always framed as a good thing. nobody addresses the original body dislike and just says “WOW IM SO GLAD YOURE NOT FAT ANYMORE” like that isnt gonna leave a lasting scar on the person’s psyche i just

Anonymous said to pr0sciutt0:F the hater, all my big ladies deserve to fantasize about their hot JoJo spouses too!

this is a BODY POSITIVE space. chubby gals and guys and nonbinary pals. skinny gals and guys and nonbinary pals! hyper femme, hyper masc, androgynous, ones with body hair or traditionally ugly features or visible disabilities or scarring or anything - ur jojo spouses love u

Anonymous said to pr0sciutt0:Anon mad that fat people enjoy stuff smh

local anon unhappy that they have found one fic that is not about them

babyybitchhh said to pr0sciutt0:Anon is an entitled ass and I implore you not to let that message get to you. As you said, mentally replacing words to better match your own physical descriptors is super easy but considering that you’re writing these scenarios for free, no one has the right to complain anyway.Like, at the end of the day its still YOUR writing even if your fulfilling a request and the author will always have final say on the finished product. Consider only writing chubby/fat reader from now on tbh ; )

i am pretty much usually imagining a chubby reader or a reader who looks like me. thats why i do it!!!! i honestly just cant imagine going into another writer’s ask and being like “hey you have given me this piece of backstory about this fic you wrote and i HATE IT, IMMEDIATELY DENOUNCE IT???

[b4ku-h03]

scary movie (bakugou x fem!reader)

A/N: Is this idea original at all? no. I’ve never actually written anything before, and I had the thought of what would happen if bkgo’s quirk accidentally went off when he held hands with someone, bc feelings are hard so he’d just get nervous and sweaty, which would make him more nervous and more sweaty and then..... the inevitable. anyway this is literally the first thing ive ever written and i didn’t know how to end it so here we are! if this is bad plz forgive me lol

Warning: Swearing

“Hey Kacchan!” Midoriya called out to Bakugou, who was headed to the elevators from the kitchen to catch some early shut eye on a Friday night.

“We’re all gonna watch a really scary ghost movie, do you wanna join us?”

Some of the residents at the Heights Alliance dorm had spread out the couches and pillows in the common area in front of the TV, ready for a movie night.

“We’re bonding!” Uraraka gleefully exclaimed.

“Tch.” Bakugou scoffed, glancing at who was present in the current company. Deku, Uraraka, Kaminari, Ashido, Kirishima, Sero and Jirou. A bunch of nerds that he was not in the mood to tolerate.

Kaminari looked over the back of the couch from his spot on the floor, “Cmon Bakugou, I heard this movie’s supposed to be pretty scary! None of that baby jump scare stuff.”

Bakugou shoved his hands in his pockets, annoyed that these people had the nerve to interrupt his peaceful Friday night.

“Hell no, I have much better things to do than hang out with you losers.” Bakugou continued on to the elevator, when the door dinged open before he could press the “up” button.

The elevator doors opened to reveal you, dressed in your comfy pajama shorts and a tank top. You were holding four empty water glasses that you had been hoarding in your room.

“Oh!” Your cheeks flushed from suddenly being face to face with the blond. “Um.... don’t mind me!” You slid past him, embarrassed that you were caught doing the empty cup walk-of-shame by the hot-headed boy.

Bakugou watched you head to the kitchen, hesitating a moment to take in your figure in your skimpy pajamas. “Tch.” He scoffed again, remembering his goal of sleeping for the rest of the weekend, and headed into the elevator.

“Hey (Y/N)!” Midoriya called out. “Do you wanna watch a scary movie with us?”

Bakugou suddenly stopped in his tracks and stepped back out of the elevator.

You set your glasses in the sink and walked over to the group settling in to their seats. “What kind of scary movie?” You perked up now that you were no longer carrying anything.

“A really scary ghost movie. Plus we’re watching the director’s cut that they couldn’t show in theaters! I heard there’s so much blood in it, it made one of the cast members throw up!” Kirishima said, raising a fist in the air in excitement.

“Oh... well, I was gonna go to sleep but...” you trailed off.

Ashido scooted over on the small love seat she was sitting on, “Here, (Y/N),” she patted the empty cushion on her right. “You can come sit with me and we’ll be scared together!”

You reluctantly agreed and sat down. It could be fun, even though scary movies really got to you. You had an overactive imagination and scary imagery in movies stuck with you for a long time, continuing to freak you out long after you finished watching said movie.

Kaminari was sitting on the floor in front of your and Ashido’s couch, in between the two sets of legs. “If you guys get too scared, you can just grab on to me and I’ll protect you!” Kaminari flexed, trying his hardest to look cool.

Suddenly Bakugou walked into the living room and smacked Kaminari in the head. “You can’t protect anyone, you Pikachu reject.” He pushed Kaminari over to the side, plopping down and stealing his seat next to your legs on the floor.

“Uhh Kacchan, I thought you didn’t want to watch with us?” Midoriya looked over at Uraraka, both confused about what made Bakugou change his mind.

“Y’all convinced me, so this movie better not suck or you’ll owe me for wasting my Friday night.” There was a slight blush in his cheeks as he adjusted in his seat and accidentally bumped into your legs hanging off the couch. You didn’t want to piss off Bakugou by accidentally bumping him one too many times, so you pulled your legs up under yourself, although you could still feel the warmth emanating off his body due to the close proximity.

Everyone started to settle in as Jirou and Sero tried to fix the old DVD player that was giving them issues. Midoriya watched Bakugou closely, realizing exactly what changed his mind. He had to tell Uraraka, but didn’t wanna draw any attention to the two of you.

He started typing out a text,

Deku: Ochako!!! Kacchan changed his mind bc of (Y/N) being here!! Look at him, he even went out of his way to sit near her!!”

Ochako: omg I think you’re right Deku. Tho I didn’t think Bakugou was even capable of having romantic feelings towards anyone

Deku: I mean same but deep down I think he’s a nice guy. He clearly wants to sit with her, should we do something??

Uraraka looked back up at the two of you, where Ashido was talking to you about her latest trip to the mall. Bakugou sat at your feet glaring angrily into space. She looked back at Midoriya and motioned towards Ashido. The couch you and her were sitting on was only big enough for two people. She pulled up her phone again and opened up her text conversation with Ashido.

Ochako: Mina!!!! Get off that couch and sit with us instead

Ashido’s phone dinged, and she stopped mid-story to check the text message. You weren’t really listening too intently anyway. It was too distracting sitting this close to Bakugou. He made you feel so nervous and quiet, even though compared to how he treated everyone else, he was very kind and calm with you. Plus he was really cool, and talented, and super cute... but you could never tell him that. His rough exterior and harsh personality made it impossible for someone like you to talk to him.

Ashido read her text from Uraraka, and looked up at her and Midoriya. “Huh? What?” Uraraka and Midoriya were silently motioning to you and Bakugou, trying their best to not capture your attention too. Ashido looked to Bakugou, who let out an over the top yawn, and stretched his arms up over his head, accidentally bumping your legs again. His face flushed as he quickly pulled his arms down and crossed them again. Ashido then glanced back to you, you were covering your face with your hand to hide the blush from the little physical contact you had just had with the boy.

She looked at Midoriya and Uraraka again, and mouthed an excited “oh my god” at them.

Mina: wow they’re pathetic lmao

Ochako: I know!!

Mina: what should I say?

Ochako: Just get up and say you’re gonna sit with us and offer Bakugou your seat!!! Nonchalantly though plz!!! Don’t embarrass them!!!

Ashido stood up suddenly and got off the couch, getting your attention again. “Um,” she hesitated, looking at you and glancing at Bakugou, who was pretending not to listen. “(Y/N), I’m gonna go sit on the bigger couch with Midoriya and Ochako.”

You looked at her, confused. “Oh, okay. That’s fine.” You smiled softly. Ashido looked to Bakugou, who had slightly turned his head towards her.

“Bakugou, you can have my seat if you’d like.” She winked at you and walked away towards the other couch. A sigh of relief came from Midoriya and Uraraka. 

A wave of fear rushed through you as you realized what was happening. Ashido sat down next to Uraraka, and Bakugou continued to sit on the floor. What felt like the longest minute in the world passed, and Bakugou stood up and scoffed. “The floor was uncomfortable anyway.”

He sat down on the small couch next to you, sitting as close to the arm rest as he possibly could, resting his arm on it and leaning his head into his palm. You also embarrassedly scooted farther away from him so as not to bother him, since he seemed to want to keep his distance.

“We’ve just about got the DVD player working! Now that I’ve gotten Sero to stop trying to use his tape to fix everything.” Jirou announced to the rest of the group. Sero whined, “Hey, my tape fixes ~most~ things. Ya can’t blame a guy for trying.”

Bakugou reluctantly turned his head towards you, looking at you with lidded and bored eyes. “So um... do you... like scary movies?” He hesitated a lot between words, his tone low and almost nervous, it seemed. For once he didn’t sound annoyed or angry.

You smiled at him, hoping your face didn’t noticeably twitch from how nervous you were while talking to him. “Yes and no, I like watching scary movies, but I hate being scared. Do you like these kind of movies?”

Bakugou rolled his eyes, “I don’t like any movies. They’re a big waste of two hours that could be used to do something productive.” He glanced at you to gauge your reaction, which seemed disappointed. You didn’t know what else to make of this conversation since he already seemed in a bad mood. His expression softened a little, “if you don’t like being scared, why be stupid and watch the damn movie in the first place?”

You shrugged, looking down at your hands in your lap. “I guess I like the excitement of it, if that makes sense. Even though I’ll probably cover my eyes during the really scary parts, and try to bring myself back to reality, ya know?” Bakugou looked at your hands, you were nervously twiddling your fingers.

“Well,” he lowered his voice, speaking in a calm tone, making sure only you could hear him, “even though it’s stupid as hell, if you get that scared and need help getting yourself back to reality, you can... grab my hand or something. And then you’ll realize how dumb it is to be scared of something that’s not real.” He sounded annoyed by the end of his sentence, but you could tell the sentiment was still there. His face flushed a little, and he looked away from you.

“Okay, it’s ready! Someone turn off the lights! Jirou had finally fixed the DVD player and started the movie. The opening credits started, and everyone stopped talking amongst themselves.

You didn’t respond to Bakugou, you were too surprised by his kind offer. When the lights turned off, you could see him in the light coming from the TV. He had relaxed a little in his seat. In fact, he looked like he might’ve scooted a tiny bit closer to you. You let yourself relax a little too, and turned your attention to the movie.

The movie you were watching did a really great job at setting up the scary atmosphere, and everyone seemed incredibly sucked into the story. But you were having trouble focusing. Every time Bakugou shifted in his seat, he ended up moving closer to you, bit by bit. He smelled like firewood and caramel, and he had so much warmth coming off of him, most likely from his quirk. You were generally always cold, but just from sitting next to him, you felt at a comfortably warm temperature. His right hand sat lazily on the seat between the two of you, so it seemed like he was sticking by his offer. The thought of grabbing his hand made your stomach knot, even if it was supposed to make you feel better. You didn’t have to make it weird, you were sure he meant it as a regular old nice gesture, with no ulterior motives. You didn’t know what was scarier, the movie, or the thought of holding Bakugou’s hand.

As the movie went on, you had started to get sucked in and forgot all about the boy sitting next to you. The music in the movie was building up into something that was clearly a jump scare. Every person in the room watching sat tensely and silently, anticipating the scare.

“AHHHHHH!” The protagonist of the movie screamed as a horrifying ghost popped up on the screen, making every single person watching jump and scream as well. Even Bakugou jumped in his seat a little. The scare really got you, you covered your eyes with one hand and then without thinking, you quickly grabbed hard onto Bakugou’s right hand. He looked over at you in surprise as you were leaning into him and holding onto his hand, trying not to look at the ghost that was on the screen. He smirked a little at how pathetic you looked, and then he finally took a moment to appreciate your presence. You smelled good, sweet like vanilla, and he couldn’t help but feel intoxicated by the smell. He started to grow nervous, realizing that he had never been this close to you before. As you continued to hold his hand, he could feel it getting sweatier by the second.

He tried not to pay attention to how gross and sweaty his hand must’ve felt to you, but that only made him more nervous and even more sweaty. As the sweat and nerves built up higher and higher, his heartbeat got faster and faster, he started to lose control of his emotions when...

*BOOM*

A small explosion caused everyone in the room to turn around, surprised by the sound and sudden smell of smoke.

When everyone found the source of the explosion, they saw you and Bakugou sitting very close to each other, with you holding your wrist and coughing, your hand blackened by the soot, and Bakugou’s right hand smoking. The look of fear on his face was a tell all, as everyone slowly realized what just happened.

“Ow...” you lightly exclaimed, shaking the pain from your hand, the small explosion in your hand came as more of a shock rather than real pain.

Bakugou looked around at everybody that were all still staring at the two of you, and then he looked to you in a panic, unsure of how to play this off, but also worried that he had hurt you when he accidentally let his quirk off.

“Bakugou...” Kirishima broke the silence amongst the group, “Were you two... holding hands...?”

Bakugou, in a panic, reacted the way everyone expected him to, he stood up on the couch with an accusatory finger pointed at everyone.

“SO WHAT IF WE WERE, ASSHOLES? NEWS FLASH, I’M A NICE GUY AND WAS COMFORTING HER IN HER TIME OF NEED!!” He pointed his finger at you, and you smiled nervously at your classmates. Bakugou pointed his finger back to everyone else. “YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT??!! FUCK YOU” Bakugou was nearly breathing fire with how red and embarrassed he was, but he would not let that get in the way of his pride.

Bakugou jumped over the back of the couch and headed once again towards the elevators, refusing to make eye contact with anyone “This movie sucks anyway, now I’M GOING TO BED, YA LOSERS” he screamed, fuming as he walked away.

Once Bakugou had left the room, everyone relaxed a little in their seats. “Um...” you started, smiling at everyone again, “back to the movie?” Ashido, Uraraka and Midoriya sighed, “That’s the last time I do any favors for Bakugou.” Ashido huffed.

Everyone muttered to themselves as Jirou pressed play on the movie again. Everyone’s attention was back on the movie and away from you, which finally gave you a chance to breathe.

Your phone dinged, and you checked to see who had texted you,

K. Bakugou 📛: hope that didn’t hurt your hand too badly... Lmk if you want me to make it up to you later. GOOD NIGHT

You giggled to yourself at the aggression from his text.

(Y/N): Okee, next time I hold your hand, be sure to wipe it off first :)

You sent the text, and another moment passed before your phone went off again.

K. Bakugou 📛: OK WHATEVER GOOD NIGHT

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself through the rest of the movie, so much that you didn’t even notice anymore that it was supposed to be scary.

[summertime-children]

WIP Challenge

Tagged by @kikithedeceiver​ (thanks~)

Tagging: @starspatter​, @cookiehoodie​ and Meli if she ever sees this bc I want a snippet of all her unwritten knkd fics (?) (and if any writer out there needs a nudge to share their WIPs, feel tagged!)

Challenge: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

I’ll do what what Kiki did and post titles of my WIPs with comments and short fragments of them? I’ll share here only my kagepro WIPs (so basically kidokano/Kano ones lol). A little warning before we start: it’s going to be very long lol bc I can’t finish fics to save a live and I have... lots of ideas, plus I never get to talk about them >.> Also they’re going to be getting gradually worse bc I’ll go from newest to ancient-est. (Full disclosure tho, those aren’t raw quotes from my WIPs bc some had so visible grammar errors, I just had to fix them + I always put notes in my works, like every second word lol) Here we go.

Listen

Comment: This is the freshiest one, I was writing bits of it merely the day before, and because of that I still naively believe I will finish and post it soon, so I won’t say anything more about it.

”I want you to understand. You… need to know there’s so much to love about you!”

“Haha like what?” he laughed with bitter sounding laugh, something that must had slipped as it was followed by a face she had occasion to see only a few times- a face of regret. Regret of choosing wrong words, wrong mask to put on or forgetting to put her at all.

Different ways to say it

Comment: Just a short fluff where Kano’s snarky bottomness is showing lol

“You should’ve asked ‘Can you kiss me?’ instead.”

Kano is dumbfounded for a few seconds before he snorts.

“Right.” he begins with a playful grin “Let me fix that. Can you, Kido Tsubomi, the fierce leader of Mekakushi Dan, my girlfriend, my sun, my stars, the love of my life, the love of my thousands other lives, do me an absolute honor and light up my da-“

He didn’t even manage to finish before he felt the pair of soft lips landed on his, catching his words.

New chapter

Comment: Won’t say much about it because it’s supposed to be a gift for certain someone~ But here’s a little sneak peek 👀

That was weird. They never really talked about having any pets. They talked about having kids (as much as stating that they want to make a family together during several separate occasions counts), but the topic of having pets was never brought up and in a timespan of living together and even moreso of living alone together, they already had plenty of opportunities to get one. And yet Kano always knew that when Kido pictured their future family together there was also present a small ball of fur waving its tail and he could see it in her eyes at that moment more visibly than ever.

GrimReaper!Kido x Vampire!Kano

Comment: I was very disappointed with the knkd fanwork of that one Halloween art, so I decided to write something that would satisfy me (with no success so far rip).

The black figure that merged with the ubiquitous dark hanged up the big scythe they were holding on the wall, among the collection of similar but different in sizes scythes, proceeded to take off their shoes (but then put them quickly back on, changing their mind as soon as their feet met with the concrete) and pulled off the black hood of their cloak to reveal the long green hair, something that finally stood out in the darkness, before walking deeper into the room.

I can’t wait to fall in love with you

Comment: Inspired by well, that one sentence that is in the title and lowkey (?) by Meli’s lovely fic~ It’s the kind of fic that I myself call “(not) soulmates au”. It revolves around the idea that after so many timelines of falling in love with each other, they’re just bound to fall in love again... Even when they don’t remember their past lives...

“Oh man, I can’t wait to fall in love with you.” Kido turned her gaze towards the blond lying next to her on the couch. Her widened from being taken aback by his statement eyes met his golden, cat-like ones, tinted with the strange warm spark that she could feel she had yearn for a very long time. It lasted only a second though because soon her brows furrowed and her gaze dropped from those well-too-familiar (given the circumstances) eyes to her hands.

Two cats

Comment: Set in the sort of the au where they never died? On one winter day Kano takes stray cat to his house to take care of. It’s solely Kano fic btw.

Forgetting for a moment about his own advice (why he should had kept repeating it in his head) he looked over his shoulder to see if his stalker was still there and in that moment their gazes lock. “Crap.” He couldn’t help but think ‘curiosity killed the cat’ as a pair of similar eyes to his stared back at him.

hbd kido

Comment: Product of my procrastination. (As you may tell, I have a problem with it). One year I was slightly~ more productive and was kinda disappointed that I didn’t manage to write Christmas fic. So then I thought that I could save some time and write this fic where Kido has joint Birthday-NewYear party with Christmas decorations still lying around (including mistletoe *cough cough*) just in time for KidoKano Day killing not two, but even four birds with one stone. It’s sort of high school au btw.

“Hi.” The boy tried again. His face was embellished with wide grin and slightly flashed cheeks and in his hand she noticed a can of beer. Oh no.

“Hi, Kano.” She said with disinclination. It wasn’t like she didn’t like the guy. Even more, in the normal situation, like average day in the school, she would find a conversation with him a nice or refreshing thing. He was one of a few people that actually knew about her existence and despite her previous prejudice he turned out to be a pretty nice guy.

Christmas Event

Comment: I’m not sure what Christmas event that was for lol.

For Kano it was this time of a year when his Mother would stay home the whole day instead of going to work and she would be more kind to him. Though he wouldn’t call it exactly this way (it’s not like he felt she wasn’t kind to him normally after all), but she was definitely more forgiving.

Affectionate meme Requests

Comment: Requested for the writing meme in the year 2016. Keeps it as a reminder of how big loser I am (?) (just what this post manages to do so far lol) The prompt was “love bite” >.>

From her spot she couldn’t see him quite clear, due to the still turned off lights, so it was only up to her imagination to decide whether he recollected his mask or not. Maybe it was the second after all, because excluding two golden eyes that shone at her there were two bright spots that stood out in the dark, both marked on his skin.

M!KidoKano

Comment: It was supposed to be male!Kido x Kano fic and yeah... I’m emberassed about it tbh. Like, by the fact I wanted to write it itself. Idk now I find it rather weird to genderbend only one person from the pairing, especially in the fic and for that reason I won’t share fragment from it. Sadly it’s one of my better written pieces lol and going back to it I see I made male!Kido no differnt from the regular Kido... which makes it a good genderbend I guess, but also completely unnecessary.

Angsty Kano fic

Comment: I have no idea lol There’s almost nothing written there.

Even Greater Fear

Comment: Despite what title may suggest it’s more fluffy than angsty. KanoKido family fluff where Kano gets anxious about how happy he is now and that he might someday lose it too. Featuring my knkd fankids, Naoki and Reika.   

“Mom, dad is sad!” announced Reika with reproach. This she wasn’t expecting.

“What?” Tsubomi asked out of surprise and was followed by a low groan coming from behind the couch that could belong only to her beloved husband.  

“No, I’m not.”  She watched how the expressions of her children slowly changed from the ones of concern to the ones of disappointment and disgust.

“And he’s denying it.”

Inverted

Comment: Silly engagement scenario. If I ever finish that, it'll be my comedic genius’ peak I swear (?)  

He was clearly getting more nervous, the longer the searching wasn’t bringing any results. He let go of Kido’s hand and got his another one to help him search for whatever was supposed to be in that pocket. However, after a while his movements completely stopped and with some kind of dread in the eyes he whispered under his breath, “It’s gone.”

Time

Comment: Angsty setomary fic I wanted to write for SetoMary Spring (anyone remember that?) 

When she moved out to her new family the first thing she noticed was that time has significantly slowed down. Oddly, somehow it did accelerate at the same time. It was hard to explain and she herself couldn’t understand the feeling nor did she give it much consideration, but for the first period of living in that new world, new pace of that very activity- living- has struck her.

One in a million

Comment: An actual soulmates au (with the variation of the red thread concept). It’s way too ambitious for me lol (starting with the fact that it’s supposed to be multi-chapter story). I won’t share a fragment of it bc not much’s written and bc tbh there would be spoilers, in case I ever do post it. I could write about the concept in a seperate post though because I did a lot of world-building for it. (A lot for me, ok?)

Clear and present

Comment: Ghost AU. Baby Kano hides one time in the abandoned, partly burned mantion and that’s where he meets the ghost of (scary) green-haired teenage girl he befriends. Somehow got inspired by that anthology comic? Also I would listen to this song while attempting to write it lol. Not much was written though.

What I didn’t

Comment: This one’s rare. My only attempt at writing harutaka fanfic. (Funnily enough last safe was on kidokano day?... many years ago.)  In the manga Takane was pretty excited to give Haruka a present for his birthday, but he had an attack and was hospitalized so she didn’t and it wasn’t said (?) if she ever gave it to him later. So my idea for this fic was that she didn’t and how she was now trying to give it to him after three years. Took huge inspiration from this song: {x}

She didn’t have to wait long until there were heard slow, but at the same time hurried footsteps behind the door and soon it was followed by the sound of doors being unlocked. The doors before her opened revealing the light-brown-haired boy wearing excited smile and slightly oversized green sweater with embroidered reindeer. And one of these was just the warmest thing in this cold winter world.

Sneeze like a kitten

Comment: Inspired by one line from Gravity Falls lol It was just another thing I wanted to add to list of similarities between Kano and cats and I’m sure it would bring Kido joy too ;3 But as much as I still find this idea cute it is so awkwardly written lol. I kinda appreciate that it’s from Rin’s POV and that I tried using kinda fancier English for that reason (as fancy as I knew back then lol), but I guess first person fics will always sound weird. It’s set in a different route I guess where they sort of met before the orphanage.

Soon I noticed all her glances seemed to be directed at small boy with blond hair sitting alone on the bench, a little away from the playground. At first I was fairly surprised, not understanding why this particular boy had become her spot of interest, but giving more attentive look at the boy made me instantly realize reasons of her intent glances.

Connection

Comment: I have almost nothing written there and I barely remember it, but from what I can see it must be my original idea for the “formal event” prompt from the very first kanokido week. I... think it was sort of an au where they never died and they met at some sort of fancy party held by Kido’s parents where Kano was a waiter.

Oof that’s all (I mean all from the folder on my pc, but I won’t be getting into that). For a fair portion of it, I gotta objectively say there’s absolutely zero chance of me ever finishing them, but then (aside from the freshest ones that I still have on my mind) revisiting all those WIPs made me really want to revive some of them owo (some I would have to completely re-write tho OTL)

[seoulscenarios]

Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo?

Genre: light angsty fluff, high school au, female reader insert

Member(s): Stray Kids’ Minho (ft. Jisung and the lads)

Word count: 2991

Warnings: light swearing, light pda at the end

Summary: you and Minho had been best friends since you could walk but it seems only you had developed a crush on him. Will a late class and a small two man production of Romeo and Juliet change his mind or does he really not like you? Featuring the rest of the crackheads with their leader, Han Jisung, love is in the air at school and a certain someone is just oblivious to it.

Authors note: based off the following request “All time fav cliché best friends to lovers with Minho (stray kids) angsty fluff where reader (preferably female) thinks her love is one sided, but turns out it’s not. Good ending”. I hope this is something to what you wanted and sorry it’s not heavy on the angst pls enjoy !!

-You and Minho had een best friends for years and you always had the tiniest crush on Minho but it escalated a lot over the summer as Minho glowed UP

-Wow u are whipped

-However whipped as you are for him he never seemed to reciprocate it

-Ever

-You even went out with on valentine’s day 3 (three?!) years in a row but his thick skull didn’t acknowledge it and just thought it was another friends doing friends things

-So, you moved on

-I mean he’s your best friend you can’t let your crush get in the way of things

-You were there for him whenever he argued with his parents or friends, he was stressed about school or failed a test and uwu

-You’re just the bestest of friends and everyone is jealous (tho most think you are dating)

-So,,,,,

-You guys always hang out in school together bc you’re in the same friendship group

-And youre in most of the same classes, so you normally walk together

-WELL

-Minho managed to make the BOTH of you late to ur first class bc his dumb ass slept through his alarm and u had to basically drag him out of bed lmao

-So u rock up late for class

-Ur teacher is NOT impressed

-So as a punishment they give u a script of a play and told to learn it by next week

-U groan when u see the title of the play

-Romeo and Juliet

- Oh no

-This won’t end well

-You glance at Minho to see if he has any reaction bc,,,,, hello ur dying on the inside and probably the outside and you can hear Jisung and felix trying to hold in their laughs at u

-(you make a mental note to beat their asses later)

-And Minho

-Is very unfazed as he flicks through the script

-Ur kinda disappointed

-I mean it’s not fair how you’re a literal MESS trying not to let the floor swallow u up in embarrassment tbh

-So,, the two of you practice outside of class at ur guys’ house and you can’t help but notice how utterly unfazed he was by this whole ordeal

-Ur both literally reciting the most well-known love story on this planet and yet,,,,, nothing

-Not an ounce of feeling that he likes you

-I mean,,, he’s not a bad actor and his romeo makes u SWOON but honestly you swoon for irl Minho not just romeo Minho

-As you stutter over some of the lovey-dovey lines u hear Minho laugh a little and tells u to redo it

-his little shit

-After a week of practice, you guys are ready to perform this goddamn piece

-I may add that ur teacher only gave you the condensed version and not the whole play

-It just so happens that the condensed version only focuses on romeo and juliet’s love

-Bc English teachers amirite?

-So the two of you turn up to class ON TIME this week, not wanting to get ur ass beat again

-And ur just the tiniest bit nervous bc !!!! hello !!!! ur performing with ur crush !!!!

-U glance over at ur seatmate Jisung who gives u a big thumbs up

-BREATHE Y/N

-Everything is going well, u don’t stutter and Minho is just the perfect romeo

-Until the final scene I may add

-As you lay “dying” as Juliet, Minho runs onto the scene and spots u laying down

-He walks up to u and goes to kneel

-BUT

-Before you both knew it, he stumbled

-And fell

-Right

-On

-Top

-Of

-You

-Lips centimetres apart from each other

-OWO what’s this

-U swear the whole class are holding their breaths and can hear ur damn heartbeat

-U stare at Minho in shock for what must have been a minute

-Neither one of you tearing ur eyes apart from the other

-It wasn’t until you hear ur teacher cough slightly that the two of you snap out of it and Minho pulls away

-He finishes the scene off with no problem and honestly,,,, u don’t even register it’s over until Minho offers his hand to help you stand up

-You grab it, flushing a hella lot bc,,,,, u nearly kissed ur crush in front of ur whole class RIP

-Ur teacher was impressed with u guys and let you off the next assignment ur class had (if only u were aware of this then u would hear the whole class esp Jisung groan)

-As u go back to ur seat,,, ur eyes drift back to Minho and ur thoughts go back to that last scene and his lips……

-“yah Y/N ! u and minho were so close I swear you were gonna kiss you shoulda seen ur face!!!!! I thought for real that Minho was just gonna plant one on you !”

-Smh Jisung

-Poor baby,,, u just sit in shock trying to concentrate

-Hint: it doesn’t work

-Ur plagued with thoughts of Minho for the rest of the day,,,,, I mean you already were but now it’s like sensory overload but with Minho

-But u know he doesn’t like you

-Lmao why would he

-He surely would’ve spoken to you about by now esp after that near kiss in class

-But this dumbass is still oblivious

-School ends and ur trying to forget about the near kiss

-But in this, you forget that Minho has a habit of walking you home

-So there he is

-Leaning on your locker waiting for you to turn up

-YOU SWOON BC NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT HOT IN SCHOOL UNIFORM FOR PETE’S SAKE

-His blazer was off, shirt sleeves rolled up, blonde hair tousled and wavy (ladies, imagine Minho like this I’m crying)

-U feel ur heart literally stutter

-I swear that’s a medical condition Y/N

-“Let’s stop by the convenience store, my treat” he smiles down at you as he moves out the way so u can get to ur locker

-Dude,,,,, u need to stop before I melt into the floor

-“Uhhhh I can’t I have,,,,,, a study session at the library gotta work on some literature stuff u know ahaha”

-Minho frowns but doesn’t react massively

-Secretly he thinks its hella cute that ur tryna avoid him but that’s for another time

-“Okay, don’t study too hard and I’ll treat you another time. Text me when you get home”

-UWU

-Anyone who overhears this would be like wow 10/10 relationship goals tbh

-U however, a self-proclaimed dumbass, don’t dwell on it too much

-You guys tend to grab food after school together

-ANYWAYS

-Minho pulls you in for a hug before leaving

-Oof ur heart is stuttering again

-How you made it to the library for ur study session is a wonder tbh

-25 minutes later finds you groaning into ur books cursing minho’s name

-That’s when u realise 2 things, 1) that wow ur a FOOL bc there is no literature homework bc of ur work from earlier and 2) Minho is very bad for your health and u gotta avoid him for ur own sake

-U walk into school with this resolve

-It doesn’t work

-Minho is in practically every single one of ur classes

-So u practically have to run from each class to avoid him

-Which leaves Minho very confused

-He doesn’t walk with anyone else from class or treat them like he does to you

-Which makes Jisung very jealous,,, bc why can’t Minho treat him like this

-Little did you know Minho has a PHAT crush on you and Jisung is PLAGUED by the both of u gushing about the other

-Jisung is MEDITATING

-So when you start avoiding him even more Minho is extremely put out bc what does he do now who does he spend time with now

-(jeongin: we’re still here hyung!!!)

-Being the good friend he is, he gives u space but is still v sad about it

-And honestly, ur sad too bc as much as you love spending time with Jisung,,,,,, he’s no Minho lmao

-One night after school Minho is kicking round the football field with the others and that’s when he realises

-He’d much rather spend his time with you

-It’s not that he doesn’t love his friends, he just happens to love you even more

-But how can he reach out to you when ur avoiding him still

-Jisung notices how glazed over Minho’s eyes and knows

-*cracks knuckles* it’s time

-Jisung sends Minho home telling him to grow some chest hair n text u lmao

-Minho does go home but does not text you bc he’s just a nervous boy

-Jisung to the lads: “now he’s gone, we gotta make a plan for the two lovebirds they’re so BLIND I’m sick of it I might just confess to Minho myself”

-Chan: “……….”

-Jisung: “that was a joke old man, let’s focus pls ladies”

-So the plan

-Was it an elaborate one?

-Definitely not

-Lmao have u seen these kids they’re a bunch of crackheads

-Baso,,,, they’re just following the classic let’s text them separately to meet up as a front but SIKE it’s just the two of you alone

-Fool proof right?

-Somehow it is???

-Shocking??

-The two of you don’t expect anything is going on

-So it’s the weekend when the plan is put into action

-It’s been 17 days since you last spoke to Minho not that you had been counting haahaha okay yesyouhaveitsnotlikeyoumisshimoranything

-You wake up to a text from Jisung saying that him, felix, hyunjin, and changbin were going for ice cream and whether you wanted to go

-Which duh??? Ice cream???

-U needed it so you dragged yourself out of bed to get ready

-Little did you know that Minho too had received a text from Woojin saying that him and the others (a.k.a the family,,,,, Woojin, chan, seungmin and jeongin) were going for ice cream

-And Minho wasn’t passing up the chance esp when there was a high probability that chan would pay lmao

-*in the master gc of getting Minho and Y/N together*

-Jisung: excellent

-So 1pm rolls by and ur there at the ice cream parlour waiting for the others to rock up

-U go to order bc honestly boys take so long to get ready istg

-As you give ur order a voice behind goes “and a matcha ice cream as well please”

-U FREEZE

-Why of all the ppl to turn up

-It’s the one ur trying to avoid

-U turn to face him

-“Minho?”

-“Y/N?”

-Felix, somewhere: beYONCE?

-Ur in shock bc 1) why is here? 2) who allowed him to look so good in white ripped jeans ur DYING HERE 3) where is everyone else?

-That’s when u realise

-Jisung is a snake and ur friendship is over

-Y/N is taking applications for a new friend who isn’t called Han Jisung thank you

-Ur heart is stuttering bc Minho looks so boyfriend ur not okay

-Safe to say those 17 days did NOTHING in swaying your crush on him

-“Is that all?” oh yikes yeah this isn’t a drama scene Y/N where ur crush confesses to u, someone has to pay at this point and the queue behind the two of u is getting impatient lmao

-You whip around blushing “uh yeah that’s everything” u reply stuttering and trying to whip out ur card

-Before you can, Minho’s arm stretches out in front of u and taps the machine in front of you

-Istg u feel butterflies in ur stomach at Minho being in such close contact with u

-U can feel the heat radiating on ur back

-You get ur ice cream and u go to leave the shop but Minho grabs your arm

-U turn to him questioningly to be met with slightly hurt eyes

-Did I do that to him?

-Yes u fool

-“Sit with me. Please?”

-How can you refuse that

-……………

-It’s so awkward

-“Are you okay? Why are you avoiding me? Did something happen? Just let me know if you’re okay?”

-Owo my heart

-“uh,, no nothing’s happening….. I’m just busy u know??? Hahaaha school is really kicking my ass”

-Minho just nods and takes a spoonful of ice cream so u do the same

-“Just let me know if I can help you in anyway, I’m always here for you. Don’t suffer alone, I hate seeing you so down?”

-………….

-…………

-Honestly,,,,, u just about melt at this

-Putting ur spoon down and u look at him

-Now or never, Y/N

-“Okay…. I’ll let you know what’s the real problem. It’s you, mr lee Minho.”

-Minho is SHOCKED why is he the problem

-“uhhhhhh”

-“Please let me finish or else I’ll never have the courage to do this again. You have no right to be stealing my heart yet again by nearly kissing me in the middle of class. Do you know how embarrassing that was, I really just wanted to kiss you and I would’ve combusted if you did but you didn’t which made it worse. Why didn’t you kiss me? I’ve literally been sending you signals for nearly two years, and that’s saying something because I saw you in your awkward teen phase and still liked you, and you haven’t even responded. So I avoided you because my heart keeps stuttering whenever I’m near you I’m surprised you can’t hear it. I mean you’re so hot I just wanna kiss you, especially since that day all I can think about is your lips as you were SO close to me this is the worst time to confess but I really like you Lee Minho.”

-And breathe Y/N

-And Minho is no better

-How dare his crush confess before he can smh

-He sits in shocked silence trying to process this information

-You, however, are dying

-That’s it, he’s not replying he doesn’t like you Y/N LEAVE

-So u try to

-But as you stand up so does Minho

-And his hand shoots out to grab your shirt and he just plants one on you ????? in the middle of a damn ice cream parlour?????

-UWU

-Ur in shock

-The man of your dreams,,,,, kissing you ???? more likely than you think ??? so u kiss him back ??? ofc u do how could you not

-It tastes of matcha and strawberry ice cream and something,,, so inherently Minho u just wanna keep kissing him tbh

-Y’all break apart and honestly,, you sit back down in shock

-“That…. Was some confession Y/N”

-“Shut up!”

-“Hey, it’s okay babe. I like you too. Sorry my confession isn’t as grand as yours but,,,, I like you and always have done”

-….

-Oh

-“So please, Y/N, be my girlfriend” his hand stretches across the table nervously

-You smile as u see his hand creep across the table and you reach for him, intertwining your fingers

-He smiles back even bigger and pulls you out of the shop

-You guys had a lot of time to make up for ajbfaiubsag

-So,,, Monday rocks around and you walk to school with Minho this time, rather than mooching in with headphones in

-You guys walk to your normal spot before school starts and Minho is telling you some story about Felix, Changbin and Hyunjin when u hear a scream and lots of wolf whistles

-Spoiler: it’s Jisung and the lads

-“YOU OWE ME MONEY I TOLD YOU THIS PLAN WOULD WORK THEY’RE HOLDING HANDS! I AM THE DOCTOR OF LOVE, HAN JISUNG”

-You laugh as you take a seat next to him as chan grumbles about his wallet being drained AGAIN by his kids’ appetites

-As the hollering quietened down Jisung taps ur shoulder

-“Sooo, you guys are official now? After years of pining ???”

-Rather than deigning Jisung with a worded response a wicked plan forms in ur head

-You tapped Minho’s shoulder to divert his attention from Seungmin

-As he faced you, you grabbed his tie and pulled him in for a kiss

-He was a little shocked at how brazen you were bc hello this is school and these are ur friends but honestly,,, he freaking LOVED it

-He smiled into the kiss and one hand rested on your waist as the other rested on your jaw pulling you deeper into the kiss

-“there ARE CHILDREN HERE OH MY GOD” u heard chan yell distantly

-You couldn’t help but break apart from Minho, laughing as you catch chan covering jeongin’s eyes in distress

-You turned back to Jisung

-“Does that answer your question?”

[brokenhayatim]

exhale

idk how long this is gonna be but it goes a little something like this. you ever been so afraid of failing that you just procrastinate and avoid for so long? each day you tell yourself you’ll finally suck it up and push through but the fear and anxiety are almost so paralyzing you don’t even wanna go near the task.

i’s just been months..like maybe even five at this rate. i tell myself to start the clock the day i graduated but i know the truth. the last year-ish was my idkwhatimdoingwithmylifeohmygod era and i just thought i passed it with a bit more advice and options. but it’s like it was all almost pretty bubbles and they just popped so long ago that i’m lost and confused and afraid and nervous and all of that is so ridiculous, it embarrasses me. i’m not really that lazy but i say it to try and explain alot, i think. or i say that i’m just relaxing or something, when i know everyday my thoughts are always on this same thing and never being good enough to get through the rut. it wasnt till i was on a walk, voice memo-ing a friend and the anxiety just peeked through a bit and i was hearing my own thoughts aloud like ....thats true? and i’m told to not be afraid and to just let whatever happens happen if it’s best for me and i know that but i also dont?

everyday i constantly think about deleting every single social media app i’m on bc i feel this heavy weight of uselessness and incompetence. why couldn’t i have learned things like this person or been more out there like that person?what’s wrong with me? and i begin to rationalize it with my childhood and how i was raised and it never is fulfilling. it’s constantly not enough, nothing about me is. i’m not creative at all and what i can do, so many can do better and so why would anyone actually pick me? even the things and issues i’m passionate about, what do i really know? even my knowledge seems so below average and it’s confusing and stressful. i feel like if someone asked me a question about anything right now that i’ve just forgotten everything important and couldn’t even articulate a proper response. and i wanted to be an activist??? since i have to interview for jobs online now bc the pandemic it’s made me so nervous. i feel most in my element during in person interviews and i say that as someone that’s also awkward and nervous in the room. but i’m more anxious of the constant string of rejections i know i’m gonna receive now bc i can barely speak english and there’s nothing special about me at all. at least in person, i can smile and make it less weird. and i connect so much better that way, which loosens me up .000009% more. it’s really babyish i guess bc everyone is adjusting and i’m just not. and i thought i was with everything but i guess i really wasnt. and coming home everytime makes me fall back into this person i dont like ad i get so sluggish (my sister says its the trauma) and i dont know bc one day she’s waking up in florida and being a good semi productive human and the next she’s back in new york and its many low days and nerves. honestly the way this house sucks the life out of me, i dont even think i’d be good at any remote job. it’s kinda the reason half my brain is pushing the dead part bc i want to leave. be more self-sufficient and alone again. but where and how, you know? obvs im gonna need a job for that. it’s just this domino effect and i’m scared to push the first one and it’s annoying and i hate it goddaammit.  the moment i came home, i just have always felt unworthy and other to my family. like they don;t care, like they’re not proud, like i’ve done nothing these past years and that’s my fault for not being an open book like the rest.

i’m gonna have to edit this bc i will not remember 87 months worth of pandemic thoughts into this post right now but. i tell myself i came home and decided to take a break for a bit, or focused on my health and appointments, but really..i dont know. i think i say it to justify all these hollow days of disappointment, which it never does. i’m afraid to ask for help or even a nice job recommendation from my last employer bc all i can think about is that it’s been months and what have i been doing this whole time? and i think they’ll ask that or think ??? now ??? and i get in my head. i know its not illogical and the worst anyone can say is no and yada yada but ugh this is why i hate my mind and just overthinking ... or not thinking?? who knows. i’m constantly letting myself down but .., i dont want anyone to know that. does that make sense. maybe i have this need to be superficial and make my life seem so nice and good and right bc i never see myself as that and i worry of people’s opinions and crave affirmations. 

the first appt i had coming home was my neurosurgeon one and my dad and him sort of just had this rushed timeline in their heads of how i would go into the ER one day soon and bam its done. i didnt wanna think about that so i tried to focus on my job stuff .. then got stressed so i just started scheduling the appointments i needed. then stopped and did more work stuff. then the secretary called me like ???? u havent done these exams yet and i was like yeah uhhh. bc when i do them it’s one step closer to doing the surgery and i know i want the surgery i’m just getting in my head again and don’t want it to be now. my sister told me to make sure i let her know when i choose a date and i was like mhm i wanna finish the job stuff and get my life sorted first and she was just ???? what ?? this is clearly more important. but here’s the kicker. i went on a walk the other day and just cried coming to terms with it all bc honestly i still dream of not making it out alive and a part of me thinks, at least if i did this one thing right and found a job and all that, that it would okay what happens next. like at least i was successful in that one thing. i think about how unworthy and unproud i am of myself and for months now, just felt like this would be a beautifully cowardice way out. and i think about the after, and cant even imagine strong devastation and sorrow. is that strange? like i expect everyone to just go on. bc i’m a simple buffer with no real purpose left. i walk and think about dreams and hopes and what i would miss and just one thing that make me call this entire fantasy completely insane and i just draw blank. so i cry because, of course. this fantasy isn’t new either, since last year i’ve been speaking to my therapist and writing about it. we would speak of suicide and i always respond like that’s a huge no bc of my religion but i say, i think about if something went wrong and that was it, how i want it to be like that. take the pressure, take the blame, take it all off me in a way. and some days i’m scared that i’ll wake up in the hospital bed after and be in pain and coddled and annoyed by the attention i’m only getting bc of that pain. and i dont want you to be here just because of the pain but i feel like you’re here only because of that. that you came, that you’re seeing me, that you care only because of it. so what am i without it? just back to nothing? the headaches were lonely but i feel less lonely with this diagnosis, like i have something good about me, worthy about me. something that makes me important to someone, even if it’s the neurologist that wants my money. to be real, i dont even think i care about the pain leaving as much as the fact that i can’t label myself as this person with chronic pain. like even if i was cured and oo lala all better, a part of me would still want to have this neuro condition. like ?? i was thinking: imagine beating cancer and feeling better but wanting to say .. and then realized the key difference. with that you survive, you are survivor. even if it’s gone that who you are. when this leaves me, i’m nothing and i’ll just go back to being nothing. no one says u survived brain surgery or survived a brain condition. it’s just done and forgotten. there’s nothing exciting about my life other than my mri visits i swear. i decided to do the surgery bc it would be stupid of me not to, and i’m still holding back, still unsure of even a set month. i just know i didnt want to follow covid rules of 1 visitor bc i know it would be one of my parents and i would jump out the window myself. but covid isnt rlly going away so is that the best excuse i have? i havent thought past these appointments and its almost like im doing it all for the wrong reasons, like enjoying it rather than wanting it to help me. i dont know.

unrelated but a song that always makes me cry and is actually the song i was listening to when i had that panic attack on the plane: finally by james arthur around 2:30. always brings out the hollowness in me hm.

**** i’m coming back to this but i got all my plaguing thoughts outish so

[whyshanti]

twenty nineteen. periodt.

i genuinely felt the need to write this because i was bored i have not written anything in a really long time. but mostly because there’s only a few who might read this and not care afterwards. it sucks to not be able to do something that i used to enjoy for quite a while. but here i am!

a lot of thoughts to unburden and a lot of unspoken feelings to unpack. let’s get to it, bih.

1. this year felt like it was dragging on. i wanted it to end asap.

so this year, i actually had A LOT of time. where did it go? 

to: movies, series, anime, music, watching youtube videos, breakdowns, feeling stuck & paralyzed,  academics, reading articles about pop culture & mainstream shit, going out with friends, chatting random ppl at night bc i thought i could trust them (and some of them, i can), and etc.

but on a more serious note, i really was more into the world of media, of both mainstream and indie worlds. i still can’t believe i got through this semester when i have been doing these things unrelated to uni. some ppl are also baffled by this activity log that i have. 

point is: i felt like a walking zombie. probably looked like one as well. there is this routine that i have to do and i got really sick of myself. i didn’t have the motivation to strive more. i was always either sleeping (at least for the first half of the year) or watching. it all feels lifeless. the latter part of the year, my body clock was wrecked. i did not like the weather during daytime. at all. i slept during the day when i did not have classes then i was awake at night. but i try to get as much sleep as i can because my health is declining. i think.

also this year felt like it had 3 sequels. unnecessary, boring, full-of-jump-scares type of sequels. fuck.

2. feeling anxious and chill at the same time.

the only thing that made me feel chill at the latter part of the year is the fact that this shit... like all these shitty things we’ve been doing... will pass anyway. 

i don’t know if it’s because of the new system that was implemented but it definitely feels like the stress levels were high only during exam weeks. for real. i am grateful to have THAT kind of “stress privilege (??)” but i also wish i was stressing over something that gives me LIFE. i know i’m studying for something that will actually help me provide something for myself and for my family but my soul (oh crap here’s where things get cheesy) screams i should do something else. 

my friend always tells me to chill but i couldn’t because there’s always that nagging thought that i have to do something productive everyday. i think it stems from past disappointments, failed expectations from ppl close to me, and just basically feeling like a failure. i’m a frantic mess who somehow has the time to do unnecessary things. wish the energy was put into finishing acads on time or earlier, but here we are. think they meant that i should be chill with mysef. to be kind to myself. to not panic and breathe.

another thing is that there’s a load of information shoved in my head that really paralyzes me to act on something.

3. leaving behind the things i’ve outgrown.

it’s so funny how i’ve met few new people this year who i already treasure only to have quite a number of people to walk out of my life.

it’s not really surprising to me. i think we all wanted it to happen anyway. i’m just happy that things kind of subtly fell apart for things to make more sense. the feeling is kind of like how a misplaced puzzle piece is put into its rightful place. finally, i don’t have to force myself and i think the feelings are mutual. anyway, this year was a revelation in itself despite how dragging the pacing felt. love how the gunk went out and i see now what i’ve been blind to. chuck the deuce! definitely a thank u, next moment.

4. meeting new people, unexpected unions.

i definitely did not expect to form connections and be reunited with some of my old friends this year. also witnessed deepened friendships. 

there’s always this thing where i put my energy on a high level when i’m meeting new people just to seem decent and happy then slowly revealing how tired, sad, and boring i can be. then there’s that fear of losing people’s interest in me or people not becoming excited to talk to me about... anything really. never thought i’d have this fear of losing certain people in my life. i want to detach myself from that and from people themselves too (in a healthy way ofc). 

i’ve never ever felt like i could lose people in an instant. there’s that thing where i worry if i’m too much or i’m lacking for people. so i appreciate people who let me know if i’m crossing the line or if i’m doing something that completely annoys them because i really want to be part of people’s lives, meaningfully and genuinely. a good one. i don’t want to half-ass my relationships with other people and i seek loving relationships that thrive and inspire where it doesn’t only get good at the start but is continually progressing even when we don’t see each other often. it’s fascinating how as we get older, we see how relationships are not as simple as we think they are but really are simple at the same time. we have different goals, we are at different stages in our lives, we are facing shit that nobody else seems to understand and things that don’t seem to end, and we can only hope that our mere presence and emotionally available hearts will listen to whatever the other person has to unburden. 

to somehow let them know that they don’t need permission to rest and to do things that they are afraid of pursuing. 

4a. discovering new artists.

AURORA: the most underrated artist for sure. watched every interview/video/set because she is that bitch. her SONGS, man. i swear. she is that ethereal fairy from the forest. her fucking voice just draws me in. she deserved a better role in frozen 2 tho. she needs to be a lead in a musical animated movie. idc idc i said what i said.

beabadoobee: fucking rockstar, reviving the 90s grunge music and looks.

Billie Eilish: a badass. hate how she still stans bieber tho. 

5. daydreaming of a new life.

you don’t know how many times i’ve been dreaming to have a big house. 

it’s time. we really need a new house. i’m not, as what the kids say, vibing with this old house anymore. this is what i wish to leave behind as soon as possible. how do i even get the MONEY to afford it? i’m just hoping for a miracle to happen, you know. i really wish my family gets to be in a better home soon.

i think if u know me, u might have caught me spacing out a few times. 

idk why this always happens. it’s so rude to the person speaking to me but my mind literally drifts off to another planet. it’s not that they’re boring. i just can’t help it. i feel like shit thinking about how many times it has happened to me. 

sometimes, i dream of being this whole new different person. 

someone who is better than who i am. someone who is good at something and is passionate about the things she does. there are a lot of things i am interested in doing but i don’t have the courage to actually do it. idk why i always turn into a statue when i think of things that i wanna do.

6. God.

it’s been a long time. i have lost contact with You but You are always there to patch things up for me. every effin’ time. i cry everytime.

it must be because i was raised in a christian setting. that’s why i always think it’s You who’s working behind the scenes. but still i am grateful.

saved me from certain people.

saved me this semester.

saved me from pulling worthless all-nighters.

provided me financially esp when i thought i had nothing.

prevented a severe acid reflux situation.

gave me new friends.

did literally so many things that saved me from bad situations and people in general like WHO DOES THAT??

7. a life without a plan.

this is literally what i wanted to happen. not carelessly but like where i don’t have to worry about what to do next. just let things be and go with the flow. the first half of this year, i really did not think things through as i normally would and i let plans fall just to enjoy what was in front of me. be at ease and be present during that time. and i did. it was a peaceful, cheery time tbh.

8. every day i wanted to start over just to get over a lot of things.

9. i missed a lot of ppl.

10. i wanted to be held. not by a certain someone. not romantically. but by anyone close to me. *plays i’m with you by avril lavigne*

sometimes we all just need a long hug. that’s all. and it’d be nice to hear more stories from people. :)

11. not everybody will reciprocate the same energy that i send out to them and it’s okay.

this bummed me out. felt like an effin’ loser but i’ve learned that people have businesses to do. life doesn’t always happen the way we want it to.

12. this the final year of college. just finish it already, dumbass. 

13. why can’t i just be kathryn bernardo or AURORA for like a month or a year? i promise i will not ruin their careers lmao.

14. i want to make major changes in my stupid life but money is an issue.

15. the stars are below the sky now.

the state of the environment is the same as of our minds. polluted and overloaded with gibberish to the point that we get scared of doing one thing at a time and where we also don’t throw away the unnecessary baggage/s. 

we’re so intent on doing things all at the same time. finishing everything in one sitting. being productive became an addiction and it scared me how i was becoming affected by this. there’s this constant thought that we collectively share which is to do something by every day and it only adds up to people’s anxiety and depression. social media definitely made us aware of mental illnesses/disorders but then it became a trend. people self-diagnose themselves and end up with the wrong treatment. some people use it as a tool to get followers and... ugh it’s all a mess. i hope people get the right treatment/s AND/or professional help because if they don’t, they’ll lose themselves. i mean... just look at the sky. there’s literally no sign of a star now if u live in the city. we’ve lost sight of what should guide us. we are unconsciously following a false light thru our devices. 

i’m not good at analogies or at explaining things as u can tell. but moving on...

this hyper self-awareness that i have gained from social media has its advantages but is also distracting me from living my best life. i didn’t realize that i was making my own christmas lights inside my seemingly dark mind when really... it’s just clouded by all this information that’s coming in fast and has affected who i am and certain areas of my life. i’ve almost forgotten this and i’ve come to believe again that there’s always an ever-present light and it will take time to get used to its brightness once my mind gets clearer by the day. hopefully, it will.

anyway, CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL AND WE NEED TO SAVE EARTH. 

16. men are trash. 

17. the people who i should avoid always looks odd or unpleasant and has bad energy. i know shit when i sense one. 

18. i’m not happy with my life and with who i am but i’ll work with what i’ve got.

life gives u a mirror and shits on your face. sheesh.

for some reason, i can’t forget what my adviser told me during my 4th year of high school. she told me “it seems like you’re a person full of regrets” and every time i have a cryfest, i think of that. idk why. (never underestimate the power of a few words, folks). you know how like in flow charts, u encounter decision points? the diamond shapes? i think i always decide no and end up with the worst consequence and then there’s no more starting over. 

i don’t think i understand flow charts well. ugh. 

i can’t come up with a cool transition to me having insecurities so let’s say i did!

some people’s beauty, inspiring. but others just make you feel like shit.

i really want to explore my feminine side more because i was more masculine when i was younger. i’m not gentle, i’m a bit aggressive. and it just doesn’t fit with who i want to be. idk why. and also, it’s fun (!!!). you get a taste of what it’s like and it’s so EMPOWERING at least for the short experience that i had. but can make me feel very conscious of my entire being and i just end up wearing cartoony disguises. ironic but BABY STEPS. when i think about it, there’s really no black or white answer whether this or that is feminine or masculine.  

self-love is not a 5-step process. 

it is continuous improvement of oneself to the point where you don’t give a fuck about what they say. i really envy the ones who are comfortable in their own skin, who are totally embracing their flaws. they just bloom. some people just look like them. like it’s SO THEM. unmistakably them. and i think if everyone had that, we would not have standards anymore.

oh, to live in a time where individuality is encouraged but is also discouraged when not lived up to its standards. hurray.

19. this year was the year of mindless decisions. periodt.

20. hoping that the new year, 2020, will be the year of CLARITY where i know who i really am, embracing it, and where i will not be taking anymore of anyone’s bullshit. where i know where i stand in my relationships with other people and vice versa. there will be intentional but meaningful endings that will pave the way for blossoming beginnings. 

let’s hope it unfolds the way it should be. for the better.

bonus: nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. everyone’s just going with the flow. be yourself.

note: this is a compilation of thoughts, informally. thank u.

[thelustinlimbo]

Okayyy so this is my review of my favorite morphe brushes I just got and tried! Tbh I really wasn’t sure what to expect with morphe, I looked through countless reviews and videos, looked up pictures and negative rants. So I was kinda expecting the worst but hoping for the best? I picked out a bunch of brushes that were reviewed countless times through youtubers, and then some that just caught my eye and felt like I needed to try them out. I was super worried that the negative reviews were right and I just wasted a bunch of money on a bunch of garbage, I’m always skeptical with “YouTube” brands because of past bad experiences. So for a while I just put myself in the mindset of “if I don’t see and try it in a store or in person I don’t want to waste money on it”. I’ve kinda been bored with makeup and not into for the past year or so, like it became not fun for me and I just stopped buying and trying new products as much as I had before bc what was the point? I just restocked what I needed, mainly bought skin care, and sometimes tried new things but they didn’t excite me. I missed the joy makeup gave me before so I felt like I needed to “redo” my collection to hopefully fall back in love with my favorite hobby, the brushes I had were all old and idk I just felt like my makeup was blah bc of it, so I finally decided to give morphe a try since they have a huge selection of inexpensive raved about brushes!! I’m honestly SO surprised with the quality!!! I thought out of the almost 60 brushes that I purchased I would really like and use maybe 10 tops, I thought I would be disappointed in a bunch of them and just use the ones I really like, but oh my god!! I swear I haven’t been this excited about a purchase in soooo long! Every brush I bought had a purpose I can think of and use for, even the ones that I initially was like eh or what the hell can I use this for?? Ended up my favorites!! (Mainly eye and brow brushes which I will show in the review) the brushes are all super soft and just great quality over all, idk if they just improved over the years or people were just being negative but I don’t know why anyone would trash talk these inexpensive high quality brushes.. Anywayssss.. So here is a round up of my favorites so far!!

E43 - is just basically a smaller E3 but today I used it for my cleaning up my under eye setting powder and then I grabbed it again to apply my highlighter very soft, and just feels like a high end brush.

E3 - I used it for a slight contour, I don’t like harsh contours on cheeks but this picked up the product just enough and the shape of it reallyyyyy just added the right amount of product in the right places!

E4 - a simple blush brush, but it’s so soft and picked up a small amount of product and applied the blush flawlessly to my face so it got a rank in fave face brushes so far!

E8 - I looooove small chubby round brushes, they are perfect for creating an “airbrush effect” in larger pore areas, I don’t really have large pores but when I use brushes like this to blend out foundation and powder around my nose/cheek area it creates just a smooth flawless finish and I have been needing a replacement for a Sephora brush I had for years that started losing its density and amazingness. This is a great cheaper alternative that is just as good!!

E41 - I have never applied my bronzer to my face so perfectly and quickly as I did with this brush, it picked up just the right amount of bronzer without creating the orange face look, applied it without scratching my face or leaving behind a bunch of fall out like a sorta similar sigma brush I have does!! Looove it!!!

M439 - I feel like every youtuber/reviewer/Mua and their mother has this brush and raved about it so I had to pick it up and try it out for myself. It really does live up to its expectations!! It gives a super full coverage even with a medium/light coverage foundation, I don’t always like to have fullllll coverage but when I do this brush will do the job! It does kinda suck up a lot of product, but not as bad as some other similar brushes I have. It’s super soft and you will have a even full coverage on in like 10 seconds with this brush.

M528 - I think I applied my Laura mercier secret brightening powder with this one, I can’t remember what I did with this brush but I threw it into my love pile and it doesn’t have any colored product on it so I think I just applied the powder with it. It’s super soft and can my used as a highlighter, or setting brush! E - 18 if you have smaller almond shaped eyes like me YOU NEED THIS BRUSH and also the M501, and E36 but I’ll get into those in a bit, the E18 is absolutely perfect for applying a crease color into small spaces, it picks up as little or as much product as you need and is just a must have brush.

M250-0 - OHHHH myyyyy godddd!!! The eyeliner brush I have been searching for but never found, I always came close but it was either to thick, had stray little hairs, was too long, or too stiff, something was always slightly justttt off with other liner brushes. They were good, they did the job, but they didn’t make it as easy as this one did!!! I haven’t had this even winged liner in like two years I swear lmao. I always have one eye perfect and the other one is it’s less perfect twin, or they both just looked like shit and I eventually came to except the fact that a super amazing winged eyeliner was just not gonna be in my life, untillllll this beauty came in the mail today😭 it’s. Just. Perfect. I completed a winged simple cat eye that was as even as humanly possible for me in the shortest amount of time it ever took me to do it, idk if I was just running on adrenaline from finding a perfect liner brush or bc my eyeliner looked amaze on the one eye I did first lol.

M213 - You also need this in your life, trust me. If you are sloppy in your eye makeup technique or just want something to really tightly apply shadow to your lower lash line effortlessly, then you need this brush. Don’t even doubt it just buy it. Also for some reason it looks really big in the picture above but it’s a super tiny little smudger with soft bristles but it isn’t flimsy. Just try it, you will see.

M575 - when I first saw this brush I felt indifferent about it, it kinda looked too long to be a good blending brush, I usually liked “fluffier” blending brushes and this one looked to long and slender, but wow.. for my eye shape it was the perfect “precision” blender! You know how with fluffy blending brushes shadow tends to kinda go all over your eye? And if you have smaller eyes like me it starts looking sloppy really quick, but this really helped blend and diffuse color ONLY where I wanted it! Surprisingly amazing!

M501 - okay… This brush is the brush out of alllll the brushes I kinda took one look at and was like?? “What the hell am I going to use this for?? Maybe highlight?? Idk?” It’s really oddly shaped, tapered, slim, slender, weird… Looks like a useless little highlight brush if your really particular about where you want to place high light or if you’re gonna be doing an infants highlight lol. For some reason I grabbed this weird little brush and started using it as an eye blender and was SHOCKED it’s like this brush was made for my eyes, it diffused my crease color so perfectly, the tapered part went into my crease and just idk, it was magical. I blended carelessly throughout my eye and it just created the perfect eye look!! The problem I always have with blending my shadow is that I get a dark color too far into my inner eye, creating like a Natalie Portman from the swan lake ballerina movie effect if that makes sense, I hate the way that looks on me and this brush just effortlessly blended without dragging color into my inner eye corner. I feel like I have a difficult eye shape and I hate doing shadow bc of it. But not anymore 😍 M432 - this is a basic flat square brush, it's great for the waterline but I used it to shape up my brows and it did a great job! It's the perfect density and size to sculpt brows without adding a crazy amount of product to the area, it's a must have in a makeup collection especially if brows are your least favorite makeup application like mine, my brows annoy me and a good brow day for me is rare because I have a giant scar through one which always makes the shape of it different then the other one. But today I'm having an amazing brow day and it took me half the time it normally would to do my brows with my new brushes :D M224 - another staple!! I had a Mac one that I used for years but it was starting to look raggedy, I use these brushes on days I have a blemish I need to cover and apply a bit more product, to sometimes apply foundation to my face before going in with a beauty blender, to shape brows, to apply a concealer from a pot to my under eye. I use these types of brushes as like product picker uppers and packers, it's like a forgotten brush that is very useful but not as talked about by me because it's boring but very much needed in a makeup lovers collection! This one has synthetic bristles and is overall really well made, I was expecting this one to be a super cheapie garbage brush, but it's up to par with my Mac one when it was in its prime days lol. M160-1/16 - another brush I saw and was like this kinda looks terrible.. The bristles seemed to long and soft to use for brows, but I tried it today and it's wonderful for creating a softer brow look!!! Like wow, it picks up a little bit of product so if you're heavy handed with brows like me it's a MUSTTTTT it applied my favorite brow powder to my brows and I swear it made my powder work and look better then ever, I used it in the front part of my brows and it's just gonna be an everyday staple for brows. M413 - I feel like I judged all the brow brushes to harshly when I first opened my package, I thought these were gonna be the crappy brushes of my entire order which was fine with me because they were the cheapest so not too much lost I thought. This brushes bristles are FIRM like super firm.. And kinda long. Immediately I thought that it was gonna scratch my skin and pick up way too much product.. I tried it gently, and applied my powder to my scar and wow this brush is def a favorite, I just have to be light handed when applying! But it picked up product and applied it right where you put it, I then brushed and diffused the color with the spoolie. My brows look so refined but natural in combination with the M160-1/16 brush, I used the M413 towards the ends and middle. I think this brush is also great for people who like bolder brows bc of how easy it is to shape and apply product with it. Andddd lastly, for not at least! G20 - this brush is great for packing on shadow! It works great for my eye shape. I mean there's not much to really say about it other then it does its job! I also like the gunmetal color, I got a few brushes from gunmetal collection but haven't tried them out yet. The bristles are soft, the shape is perfect, the size is great. It can also be used as a concealer brush for blemishes. Overall I'm super happy with my order and I think it's money well spent!! Sorry about the longgg post but I tried to sum up my favorites so far as best as I can. I haven't washed these brushes yet so I don't know how they shed or how they are after washing but I'll keep all you updated!:)

[creylune]

uhhh sort of latter half of 2016 recap and update i suppose (kinda negative)

i haven’t really drawn properly (not even sketching or doodling) in about two weeks since after coming back from taiwan i’ve just been really pooped and drained and finding it very difficult to get out of bed or stop playing video games. i’d start thinking about the future while lying in bed and start sobbing uncontrollably bc then my mind would wander to thoughts of coming out to my parents or never getting married and disappointing them. i managed to stop gaming for 75% of my waking hours a few days ago which is at least progress (mostly because i realized i have to go back to school in less than a week and i wasted a week in my room gaming instead of meeting up with high school/local friends). 

first quarter of college wasn’t all that stellar and i definitely spent a fair amount of time every other week sobbing or crying for no specific reason other than feeling lonely/wanting a hug/feeling shitty in general. i don’t mesh well with too many people so i actually didn’t talk to anyone other than a barista and cashier on the second to last day of finals (i pulled an all nighter in the library...i completely lost my appetite for over 24 hours and had to force myself to get up and eat lunch at 3-4pm). first quarter was just bad lol (it had its positives but i was more sad than happy)

i hope with 2017 comes more opportunities that i won’t pull away from, baby steps to getting back the confidence i had in high school, and an improvement in sleep schedule bc it actually got worse in college for no good reason LOL. i’ve also been mulling it over the past 3 months and i’m pretty certain i have mild-moderate depression, so i’m aiming to make an appointment at the university health center to get some...peace of mind, i guess? i can’t find the right phrase rn but i think getting a diagnosis would be helpful for me. not sure if i’m in need of meds because the depressive states usually hit hard during breaks or when weather is cold/gloomy (ironically i love cold/gloomy weather) and most of the time i’m not miserable. school just really worsens it. 

i have two overdue secret santas i have to finish... it’s been really hard to focus and motivate myself to get productive even though i want to be productive. each day just passes by and then i find myself sitting at my desk or lying in bed and it’s 2am and i’m like ‘oh... it’s too late now i’ll wake up early and try again tomorrow’ and then i get up at 11:30am and can’t bring myself to get out of bed until 1pm or if my dad starts screaming at me. then we go out to practice driving/do some errand and then i just lie around in my room from 4pm-11pm or later...it’s been like this for the past couple of days...

my time in taiwan was really nice and fun though!! it’s just that. when i came home i lost all my energy and excitement about anything fml

[swiss-army-romance]

Every question with a four in it >:o

>:O

under a cut bc Way Too Long and also mild spoilers for Sowing Season and Momentum (space au)

4. What time of the day/night do you like to write?

MORNINGS... the earlier the better. on weekends i usually get up around 6, drink a pot of coffee, and then write until noon. its my Most Productive Time

14. What is the arc for this character (redemption, etc.)? 

ok bc you didnt give me a character >:0 i’m just gonna tell you that in sowing season Gabe goes through a like downward spiral/redemption arc over the course of the whole story and it’s... Gonna Be Good.

24. Do you outline?

YES i can’t not!!! Or, I guess I don’t really for the short fics I’ve written, but even then I usually have sort of a sequence of events/rough idea before i start. but for long fics i have to do such a like regimented outline that has a solid beginning and end and at least the important beats in the middle before i can even think about writing. (i do deviate from outlines tho.. the summer of like outline is way different than the final product lol)

34. A scene/paragraph you wrote that you’re proud of:

From Momentum: 

Shortly after they’d brought James aboard - nearly five years ago, though it seemed both much more recent and, improbably, like the crew had never existed without him - they had assumed these same positions, Ray perched uncomfortably on the examination table and James, preternaturally calm, in front of him. The scar Ray had from the Brunswick air raid extended from the nape of his neck, down around the right side of his ribcage, and terminated in a starfish imprint of points near his hip. He had been eleven years old then, and the scar tissue had split and stretched as he grew, becoming uglier and uglier, no longer the shiny pink of new skin but instead a clotted splash of whitish grey.

James had asked him to take off his shirt, and had asked him if it was a chemical burn - it wasn’t - and hadn’t asked him anything else about the raid, for which he was intensely thankful. For the first six months he was on the crew, James had routinely applied a thick salve that smelled strongly medicinal and also, curiously, of lemongrass. To Ray’s quiet disappointment his scar hadn’t disappeared, but it no longer felt so tight, no longer itched at any shift in the atmosphere. It was a bizarre intimacy he had shared with no one else, and now, watching James prepare to examine this new burn, he felt guilt and hope and a queasy kind of gratitude, to have someone he trusted so much, who knew how to look after him. 

40. Chapter you’re most proud of in this verse?

The only chaptered thing I’m doing rn is Sowing Season, and I think the chapter I’m most proud of so far is actually still chapter 4... I like. That flashback was my baby, I done wrote it all myself over several months, like... blood sweat & tears (mainly tears) went into it and i think it turned out real good,

41. Chapter that was the most fun to write in this verse?

There’s a chapter in Sowing Season that hasn’t happened yet but I think is scheduled to be like... Actually let me check. Chapter ten. What I have written for it so far is like... Was very fun to write. 

42 - 43 and 49 are all like character-specific and don’t lend themselves well to my shit so I’m Skipping Them

44. have you shared your outline with anyone? if so, what did they think of it?

Oh I mean... I’ve shared the Momentum outline with a couple people and the general consensus is like. Pleased and then extremely upset. So...

45. Anyone you share excerpts with?

YES LIKE ANYBODY WHO WILL LISTEN LMAO I LOVE ATTENTION... youve gotten like half of Momentum from me, jess has gotten a little bit, also jess usually gets paragraphs of whatever i’m writing while i’m writing it, like. i’ll pick the paragraph i know will most thoroughly wreck them and just copy/paste it in chat, yknow. like a good pal

46. Story with the most kudos (AO3)?

EASILY Summer of Like. my most popular fic by a wide margin.

47. Story with the most comments?

Also Summer of Like, tho I think Kings Among Runaways is a p close second.

48. A happy future moment you’ve written/have planned for this ship? (will post under read more for spoilers)

This is like... part of the eventual van days project i want to write but won’t get around to finishing for like ages, there’s a scene sort of towards the end where Gerard is trying (and failing, in that moment) to get sober and Ray makes him a grilled cheese sandwich and like. Ok i’m not portraying it well but i’m obsessed w the subtext of the moment, with gerard being allowed to behave badly and to still feel secure in the fact that he is loved, intensely, not in spite of his flaws but like in a way that entirely accepts them. whatever