#i just do always think about that bc i hold the freedom to end relationships if you want to in very high regard

[unearthly-doting]

finding their soulmate: genshin edition.

a/n: i haven't made a post here in a hot second and i honestly apologize about that lol. the motivation to write just hasn't been there but!! here's a small lil genshin post for now. i just spun a wheel to pick who i write but if u want me to write for some of the others then just lmk!!

includes: xiao, kaeya, kujou sara, albedo, tartaglia, and ayato.

warnings: mdni, yandere content, not edited, gn reader, kidnapping, forced relationships, arranged marriage, manipulation, reader injury in both kujou sara's, albedo's and tartaglia's parts, childe stabs you :peace sign:, canon is a very vague concept in my writing more often than not btw, this is kinda cringey </3, the yandere content in albedo's part is actually very mild bc i was restraining myself bc there was a lot i wanted to do w it.

XIAO — never really cared much about finding his soulmate. His entire existence was dedicated to protecting Liyue, even if the nation no longer needed his protection. Besides, with how long he's been around, he just assumed his soulmate was long dead and that he'd never meet them. Though, a small part of him wondered... what was his soulmate like?

And, almost as if the universe had been listening, he ends up meeting you. His soulmate. It wasn't a classic, romantic meeting. He didn't save your life or anything like that. You were just a traveler who decided to stay at the inn.

He didn't think much of you until his eyes met yours and suddenly color was flooding into his world. It made him dizzy, and it stunned him into absolute silence because all he could so was stare at you with wide eyes.

You were clearly going through it as well, because obviously. You just met your fucking soulmate on a damn business trip. What the hell were you supposed to do now? It would be awkward to just... ignore what had happened, right? I mean, he's staring right at you and this was all just very overwhelming.

It was an awkward first meeting, that's for sure.

But during your time at the inn, whenever you were free from work, you spent it with Xiao. He was closed off, clearly keeping his guard up and not letting you get too close. You didn't know the reasons, but you didn't expect him to tell you his entire life story just because you two were apparently bound by the universe.

Honestly, you just assumed he didn't want to be with his soulmate. This didn't upset you. It wouldn't work out, anyway. You're only staying for a few weeks before heading home.

But archons, did Xiao want you. Behind his typical, distant behavior, Xiao was taking note of everything about you. Your interests, your habits, your sleep schedule, your favorite foods and desserts... everything you told him or subconsciously revealed, Xiao was tucking it away in his mind.

He wanted you. He wanted you to stay here, in Liyue, with him. Where you belong. But he didn't know how to express that. He's never been in love before, and it's not like he'll just suddenly become an expert at romance after meeting you.

When it was time for you to leave, he was crushed. He needed you to stay. He needed you by his side. Letters wouldn't be enough to fill the emptiness in your wake if you left. You had to stay.

You will stay.

And when you wake up to find yourself no longer in the inn, and instead in some small home deep within the mountains of Liyue, you're distraught.

Xiao looks genuinely guilty, robbing you of your freedom but... you understand, don't you? You have to understand. He just couldn't let you go. You're his soulmate, you were destined to be with him! You'll love it here, he'll make sure of it.

Just stay.

KAEYA — had always wondered what his soulmate was like ever since he was a child. He would spend hours just staring at the small crescent moon forever stained on his wrist, wondering if and when he'll meet the person with a matching mark.

Of course, as he got older he spent less time thinking about such things, though he did always hold out hope that he might be able to one day meet his soulmate. Little did he know, he's met his soulmate already. Multiple times.

You took over Sara's shifts at the Good Hunter whenever she had other things she needed to focus on, so Kaeya has spoken with you on numerous occasions, he's just never realized you were his soulmate because you keep your wrists covered. He's not one to judge, his wrists aren't visible either.

Him finding out was an accident. You had been handing him his order when your sleeves rolled up a bit, and his gaze just so happened to look at your wrists and he saw the very same crescent moon that was on his.

And for a moment, he froze. He just stared. Long enough that you were starting to feel a little uncomfortable. But before you could awkwardly send him on his way, he was showing you the crescent moon on his wrist as well and thus began your love story.

Or... well... it's what Kaeya had hoped for, but you didn't seem interested in soulmates at all. You didn't want the universe to decide who you were meant to be with, you wanted to make that decision yourself, so you had, to put it simply, bluntly rejected him.

And he gets it! It hurts, sure. He spent his entire life dreaming of this day, and it's not turning out the way he had hoped, but... you guys can be friends, at least, right? No strings attached?

For a while, Kaeya was fine with that. You and he had a really strong friendship. He cared about you, and you cared about him. Though your feelings were platonic, he was holding on to the hope that maybe one day, you'll realize you two were meant to be together.

But it was starting to seem as though that day might never come, because almost a year into your friendship with him, you had told Kaeya that you were thinking about entering the dating scene. He was... not too pleased about that, honestly. It was pretty obvious too, the way his entire mood soured the moment you brought the topic up.

He didn't stand by idly while this happened. Any person he saw you chatting up with romantic intentions would suddenly avoid you like the plague the next time you saw them. Any blind dates would end with you being ghosted. Hell, even some of your friends, the ones who were helping you get dates, were starting to avoid you too. It was so confusing.

But not Kaeya. No, Kaeya was always by your side.

Whenever you needed him, he was there. He always seemed to be able to make time for you. He listened to you vent your frustrations out, never once judging you or telling you that you were being dramatic. He was the only constant in your life these days.

Of course, you were completely oblivious to the fact that he was the cause of all of this. It's not that hard to blackmail people, he's learned. But they didn't deserve you anyway, seeing how easily they gave up on you the moment he approached them.

Maybe... maybe dating Kaeya wouldn't be so bad... I mean, you're the one deciding this, right? The universe isn't having any play in it. This is your decision. Isn't it?

KUJOU SARA — never cared about her soulmate. She knew she had one, you were in every dream she had. She found it to be more of a nuisance than anything else.

Her entire life was dedicated to her training, and to the Raiden Shogun. She neither had the time, nor the interest in searching for her soulmate. Besides, it didn't seem as if you resided in Inazuma. Your clothing was similar what people in Fontaine wear, and Fontaine was far away from Inazuma.

She was confident that she wouldn't be meeting you any time soon, so she never gave you any thought when she was awake. She never made any plans on what she would do if she did, by any chance, meet you. It didn't matter.

And she can't help but regret that, now that you're standing in front of her. If she had known that meeting her soulmate would make her feel like this, as if everything in the world suddenly made sense, then... well... she doesn't know what she would've done, to be honest.

No matter, Sara had no time to entertain you. Your stay in Inazuma was only temporary, so she saw no point in trying to form a bond with you. You, however, seemed to have different plans. She was used to seeing you in her dreams every night, but she was not used to seeing you in her waking moments.

Whenever she wasn't preoccupied with something, you were there to offer her company. It was annoying, and she's sent you away more than once, but that didn't seem to deter you. If anything, you seemed to become more determined each time she brushed you off.

At some point, she had given up on avoiding you. It was easier to just let you stick around. And, the more time she spent with you, the more attached she was becoming. It wasn't smart, she knew that, but could you blame her? You're so... irrevocably you.

Her fondness for you didn't go unnoticed.

Many people in Inazuma treated you with the same respect they treated Sara. You were her soulmate, after all. Should someone insult you, they would in turn be insulting her. Nobody wanted to get on her bad side.

There were, however, a few bad apples.

It should come as no surprise that a target was placed on your back the moment people took notice of Sara's attachment to you. She didn't think she'd have to worry much, because no one would be idiotic enough to actually try and harm you under her watch, but she should've known better.

It happened a few days before you were set to leave Inazuma to return home. A disturbance was going on within the city so Sara wasn't with you when you went on your daily walk just outside of it. It was supposed to be safe, but it wasn't.

Some vagrants had got the jump on you, and you nearly lost your life. You were lucky enough to have been found by some bystanders, but Sara was less than pleased when she heard about this. She had never taken pleasure in killing anyone before, but there was a deep-rooted sense of satisfaction deep within her chest when she watched the lives of those who hurt you fade away.

And as she sat by your side, waiting for you to wake up, she came to a decision. You can't be alone. If you are, you'll get hurt, and she won't be able to protect you. She can't let you leave Inazuma. She knows you'll more than likely hate her for making this decision for you, but if it means she can keep you safe, keep you alive and by her side, then... that hatred is something she'll be willing to bear.

ALBEDO — doesn't have a soulmate. At least, he's not supposed to. He's an artificial being, so it wouldn't make sense for him to have a soulmate. Of course, he does find the concept of soulmates to be intriguing. Who, or what, decides who people are destined to be with? It's a question he hopes to find an answer to.

So he wasn't surprised when he found you passed out in the snow, deep within Dragonspine. He's seen this countless times before, travelers who don't take precautions before trying to brave the deadly cold that comes with being here. He assumed he would just nurse you back to health and you would go on your merry way.

That changed, however, when he was cleaning your wounds and he saw his name inked on your skin, right on your collarbone. In his handwriting, at that. It confused him, because... that would mean that he's your soulmate. But he can't be. And yet, it didn't come off when he tried wiping it off. It was a part of your skin.

This left him with many questions, though none of them got answered when you woke up. You couldn't remember much about yourself, other than your name and a few other details. You didn't even know why you were in Dragonspine, or where you were from. You did hit your head pretty badly, judging from the headwound, so that would explain the amnesia, though he's not sure if it was going to be something temporary or not.

You both decided it would be best to just have you stay here until you were able to recover some of your memories and although Albedo wasn't eager to make friends with you, he was grateful for the company. He was incredibly patient with you too, answering any questions you may have had ranging from a multitude of different topics.

And in return, you helped out as much as you could without overexerting yourself and making your injuries worse. You'd make sure to keep his little lab tidy when he was away. You'd help out with some of his experiments too, if he knew you wouldn't get hurt doing so.

All while trying to figure out how he could possibly be your soulmate. He checked over himself. Four times. Your name was nowhere on his body. So why? Why was his name on yours? As much as he hates to admit it, he thinks he may never get an answer to this mystery.

Though... that's not such a bad thing, he thinks. He finds himself enjoying your company more and more with each passing day, the whole soulmate thing rarely even crossed his mind. At least, until you had asked him why his name was permanently etched into your skin. It was fairly easy to explain everything to you, though he was unable to answer a few of your questions, sadly. Soulmates were still a mystery, after all.

And when you asked if you could write your name on him so you two could match, he found himself unable to say no. He found himself unable to speak at all, actually, as you wrote your name on his shoulder. You even added a little heart next to it.

But no, Albedo was too busy coming to terms with the feelings he has for you. They weren't new. He's been aware of them for a week or so now, he just never gave it much thought until now. Now, with you so close to him, it was simply impossible to ignore.

And once you pull away, you smile at him and say, "There! Now I'm your soulmate too, right?" And oh.

Oh.

There was no way Albedo was going to let you leave Dragonspine now.

TARTAGLIA — feels a little bad for his soulmate, whoever they are. They can feel his pain, and he can feel theirs. So... they probably hate his guts, considering he's not the most careful person in the world. He pushes himself to his limits and beyond, and his soulmate has no doubt felt every single second of it.

Don't get him wrong, he would love to meet his soulmate. It's been a dream of his since he was a child, always eager to hear the story of how his mom and dad found out they were soulmates. Even as he grew older, the desire never went away. It was just... buried.

And his soulmate just so happened to be you, the significant other of a man who owed the Northland Bank a lot of money. He doesn't normally partake in debt collections, but he didn't have anything better to do so he decided to take this one on. He was going to use you as an example to your husband, though the moment his blade stabbed you, he froze.

He felt the pain. He stabbed you, and he could feel it. Oh fuck, he just stabbed his soulmate. That's definitely not the picturesque first meeting he was hoping for. Probably wouldn't be a good idea to tell his family this either...

Stabbing aside, he was utterly delighted. You, on the other hand, were terrified. Not only did this man just fucking stab you, his expression went from bored to something akin to crazed glee. He stared at you with a hunger that made you want to shy away from his gaze.

He doesn't care that you're already in a relationship with someone else. Not anymore, you're not. You're his, destined by the stars or however the story goes. And if your lover tries to get you back, he'll just kill them. Easy as that. Absolutely nothing will get in the way of him having you.

And he likes that you fight back against him. He especially loves it when you manage to escape. Hell, sometimes he'll even let you go just so he can chase you down again. It sends a thrill through him like no other when he catches you, and you stare at him teary-eyed and out of breath.

You're always so scared that he'll hurt you, but he would never do such a thing. He treats you like you're royalty, spoiling you with a seemingly endless amount of gifts. You're not quite sure how he knows what you like, and you're too hesitant to ask.

Honestly... he'd probably let you stab him. Y'know, he stabbed you, so it's only fair that you get to stab him in turn, right?

You think not. You're very hesitant, staring at him as though he were insane for even proposing such an idea. A part of him was disappointed. He wanted one of the many scars on his body to be from you. But a much larger part can't help but go soft at the sight of you shaking your head, sternly refusing to hurt him.

If he wasn't obsessed with you before, he certainly was now. You're too good. Too kind. He's holding you captive (lovingly, of course) and you refuse to hurt him? You don't even want to pinch him? How adorable.

Why, if he didn't know any better, he'd think that you might care about him.

He was nothing if not stubborn, of course. You might not care about him now, but you will in the future. He'll make sure of it.

After all, he's spent his whole life waiting for you.

AYATO — never had the time to think of his soulmate. He was blessed (or cursed, depending on who you ask) with the ability to see the red strings that tied people together. When he was younger, before having to take on the duties of the Kamisato name, he would always stare at the one tied to his pinkie.

He even has the habit of twirling the red string around his finger whenever he gets stressed. Only behind closed doors, of course. It would probably appear strange to others if they saw.

Meeting his soulmate was something he had always planned out in his head as a child, and when he finally did meet you, it was so... simple. There was nothing magical about it, you had just bumped into him one day when he was out in the city and that's what started all of this.

For you, it was a forgettable encounter, one that would never cross your mind again. For him, it was everything he had been waiting for. Thoma thought it was a bit strange, but he dutifully gathered information about you when Ayato asked it of him. He needed to know everything there was to know about you.

He already knew what he was going to do when he met his soulmate, the only thing left was to actually do it. And you were definitely shocked when Kamisato Ayato himself showed up at your home and asked you to marry him.

You said no, obviously, because why the hell would you agree to marry someone you didn't know? Ayato had planned for this, of course. That's why he had Thoma learn everything about you, so the moment you declined his offer, he just smiled and made a comment about your family. It was very obvious what he was implying.

And even if you aren't close with your family, you can't live with blood on your hands. You were pretty much forced into accepting Ayato's marriage proposal. He was pleased with this outcome, promising to take care of everything himself.

Marrying him meant that you would, unfortunately, have to leave your home and instead live at the Kamisato Estate. Everyone was under the impression that this marriage was one of love and not coercion. You highly doubt that anyone would believe you if you told them the truth, and you were too concerned about what the consequences would be if you did.

Everyone at the estate was nice to you, at least, though the only people allowed to actually get close to you were Ayaka and Thoma.

And when the wedding was over, it was time for your honeymoon. You were not excited about that, but it seemed Celestia itself was on your side during that time because he was too busy to spend time with you.

If he wasn't threatening the lives of your family, you would have made numerous escape attempts by now. Still, you've made it very clear that you hate his guts.

Your hatred is something he detests, though he can't fault you for it. He understands that what he's forced you into is wrong, but in his mind, it was something that had to be done. He's sure that given enough time and space, you'll grow to understand why he did what he did.

And even though you scorn his existence, Ayato looks at you as if you've placed the stars in the sky.

Your strings are forever tied together, so there's no getting out of this. He doesn't plan on ever letting you go. He'd be a terrible husband if he didn't keep you close, wouldn't he?

[beheadeddemon]

I saw the comments you left under some of my posts and I love them. Do you have any more Talia and Brutalia headcanons?

I always do!! And I will be posting tons of hcs as I post my writings and art here down the line. I come up with them on a whim usually so I’ll just say the ones I’ve been pondering lately!

Also, I’m so sorry if I was spamming you 😭 I was scrolling Brutalia tag in the middle of the night and didn’t realize that like half the most recent posts were you!!

To start, I’ve been thinking about the Lazarus pits a lot lately. Especially everything between Talia and Nyssa, and the effects and details of her brainwashing. It is a confusing timeline that I’m trying my hardest to piece together, but it seems like DC has sort of just pushed that to the back of their minds? Which is unfortunate, honestly, because if they wanted a true villain Nyssa would have been the clear answer. Instead, we ended up with evil Talia for seemingly no reason… until that black Pearl stuff showed up, and then also disappeared.

The timeline I’ve pieced together, loosely, is made with an effort to stay as true to canon as possible while also keeping away from the extremely ooc writing. I want to find a way to keep in that brief moment of freedom she had when she was running LexCorp, as well as her journey toward becoming a mother. Which I will detail a bit now, because I love to think of Talia’s relationship with motherhood!

Talia has always loved children dearly. However, the idea of being a mother herself was always sort of scary. She’d lost her own mother when she was young, and never really had a clear example of how to mother a child aside from distant memories. (I can detail my hcs about her relationship with her mother soon as well, bc those are some that I hold close to my heart.)

It wasn’t until she’d been with Bruce for a while and spent enough time around Jason that she began to feel that ‘maternal pang’ so to speak. Jason is such a bright eyed child with so much potential, and each moment she’s spent around him she only seems to like him more and more. Bruce tells her not to spoil him so much but she can’t help it! Her relationship with Bruce and Jason give her a small amount of hope for a more normal life away from the league, though she is not yet at the stage where she would be able to fully leave her father.

When Jason died, it hit her like a truck. She’d distanced herself from Bruce at that time, thinking that her presence would only cause more trouble for them if the rest of the league suspected her of defecting. So she hadn’t gotten the chance to say goodbye, or try to make things right. She brings him back for Bruce’s sake, but for her sake as well. She would have ordered the Jokers head if she could have, but she couldn’t directly cross Bruce in such a way. If Jason’s death would ever be avenged, she knew he’d have to do it himself.

Talia doesn’t just raise him from the dead and train him right away. She spends a long time nursing him back to health, taking baby steps with him. She has some of the best doctors in the world taking care of him, and when he shows the signs of being ready, then she starts his training. She doesn’t train him with hopes that he will be a killing machine. She tries to teach him responsibility, and good judgement. She tries to right the wrongs that have been committed against him as much as she can. And then he’s gone.

This is where the timeline is a bit iffy. I’m wondering if Damian would have been born at that time or not? Would he have been incredibly young? In my head, it does make sense for him to be born by then. Talia distances herself from Bruce and Jason not only for their safety, but because of the series of miscarriages she’d had in her effort to have a child with Bruce. All were kept a secret from him, except the first. She was ashamed and depressed for so long because of it. After a few tries, she’d gotten desperate enough to run back to her father for help. The Lazarus helped her birth Damian, a perfectly healthy baby, finally. But with everything that happened, it felt unfair to return to Bruce with a baby out of nowhere.

I could sit here and ramble about this for hours and hours but I’m unfortunately very busy today. Please stay tuned and I’ll continue with more of these ramblings when I can. Thank you for asking! Please give your opinions on what I’ve written, because none of my hcs are set in stone and I would love to hear if I’ve gotten something completely wrong. Although it should absolutely be noted that the version of Talia I’m writing isn’t directly related to canon. :)

[destinysbounty]

I was gonna put this headcanon in a fic but i probably will never write it so instead im gonna share with all of you. Do with this idea as you wish

The fact that Pixal just up and built herself a new body in season 7 suggests she could have done it at any time, but chose not to. And i refuse to believe Zane and Borg didnt at least offer to give her a body - Zane admitted he preferred having her physical, im sure he at least suggested rebuilding her at one point. As he said in season 8, "The choice has always been yours, Pixal." Which leads me to believe she was the determining factor in her own reconstruction. She chose to stay in Zane's head, and Id like to think her reasons for doing so are similar to her reasons for hiding her identity as Samurai X: self-imposed guilt.

Let me explain.

Think of it like this. Pixal was built to assist, right? Even from the beginning of their relationship, she has been put in several positions of saving, protecting, and looking after Zane. Their first bonding moments involved her repairing him and later rescuing him from a junkyard metal shredder. Just as Zane has an integral need to protect built into the core of his existence, so too does Pixal have an integral need to assist.

When Zane gave her half his heart, he seriously disadvantaged himself in combat. Not only that, but it was his heart being unable to withstand the Golden Power that killed him in the end. Im sure there was at least some small part of Pixal that blamed herself for this. Not just because she might see this as a failure to uphold her reason for existence (helping people) - but also bc maybe if he'd had his whole heart during that fight, maybe if she'd just given it back to him, he might have had a fighting chance. It would have only marginally improved his chances of survival, but that small .003% probability increase is enough to make her blame herself. A probability that small is statistically irrelevant, but she cant help using it as an excuse to blame herself - or perhaps, to give her a rationalization for her survivor's guilt. Because the heart inside her, powering her, is the same heart Zane could have used to defend himself against the Golden Power, and the feeling of it inside her is unbearable.

Then Zane comes back, and she gets scrapped. And Zane forgets everything, and his mind is in shambles, and she has to help him piece himself back together again.

She blames herself for this, blames herself for his death and for the scrambled state of his memories that came as a consequence. So she figures, she caused this, so its her responsibility to help him fix his broken mind. Its her responsibility to assist.

So she stays in his head, where she can hold his memories together and keep his mind from falling apart. She insists she prefers it this way, likes being close to him, but deep down she longs for her physical freedom and hates herself for wanting more than she deserves.

Then Borg is kidnapped. And Zane is nonresponsive. And she has a choice. So she chooses to rebuild herself and leave Zane behind.

And...she feels good. Free. She's...happy about it.

But shes also deeply ashamed. Thinks she doesnt deserve to enjoy the experience of leaving Zane's head. He needs her, she's less useful to him outside his headset...and yet here she is, being Samurai X, having the absolute time of her life. She loves it, and she hates herself for loving it so much.

So out of shame, she tells no one. Shes worried theyll be just as disappointed in her as she is in herself.

And Zane...well, maybe theres a reason the Ninjigma didnt become a problem until after Pixal left his headset. Maybe she was the only thing holding him together, and the moment she left, all his memories started spiraling out of control. Maybe the events of Decoded turned out to be for the best, and allowed Zane to sort through and finish repairing his memories on his own, without relying on Pixal for help.

When Pixal reunites with Zane, shes worried he'll be upset. "Was i more...useful...inside the computer?" But to her surprise and delight, he prefers her in whatever form makes her happiest, not whatever form makes her most useful.

And Pixal, backed by the support of Zane and their friends, flourishes in her new role as Samurai X - not just in an assistive capacity, but exploring and embracing her interests in engineering and tinkering. Things are good, for a while.

But then Zane ends up in the Never Realm. And he comes home, and she learns what happened. She hears what Vex did, how she sabotaged his memories and twisted his own sense of self against him.

Once more, she blames herself. Begins to believe that maybe if she had still been in his headset, she could have prevented all that suffering.

Anyway, Pixal with survivors guilt and a raging hero complex my BELOVED

[favouritefi]

Hi there, I'm here to ask about whether you have thought of the childhoods of Blanky and Peglar in your purror and errebark au? Because they're favorites of mine.

thank you for this q tho im sorry i started out writing about their childhoods but somehow ended up talking about the legal and political worldbuilding in my catboy au through the lens of blanky and peglar's lived experiences? enjoy?

our main cast is largely middle/upper class and this is obviously only a small subsection of the overall cat/dogboy population in england. blanky and peglar are working class and a lot of the really fucked up stuff around adoption don't apply as much here. sure they still don't have legal autonomy and life isnt easy and they still get treated like shit by humans, but there isn't that pressure to be adopted / breed like there is amongst the pedigree-holding cat/dogboys.

blanky is old enough to have lived through legal changes that actually imposed more restrictions on dog/catboy freedoms than ever before. for example, when blanky first joined a crew as a young dogboy and learned to sail and became a whaler, they didnt need to declare the number of non-human crew members and their pedigree status/breed. for a komondor like blanky, this meant he could easily hide the fact he's a dogboy if he just grew out his hair. by the time blanky was a young adult though laws had come into place that required ships to declare this info whenever they reached a british port (bc as empire grows its need to control and manage its citizens and noncitizens and make clear distinctions between those two becomes ever more important) but by then he'd had enough experience under his belt that crews wouldnt turn him away just because of his species. so he had a very interesting and atypical childhood, he wasn't always treated like a dogboy.

peglar had what i think of as a "typical" working class catboy childhood. mid-sized family, working class parents, generally speaking they were getting by but they werent doing well. they could put food on the table, and they loved him, and that was enough. the interesting thing is that his father was a bastard so somewhere in his ancestry is a savannah which might explain his nimbleness and his extra long ears. his father was also a political radical who believed that cat/dogboys should have legal personhood and supported universal male suffrage. peglar was too young to fully absorb those ideas before he left the home and was enrolled in a catboy naval training program, but his naval and military experiences brought him to places where cat/dogboy rights did exist either legally or culturally and so in a strange way him and hickey actually share similar political values, aka if humans get to be people then why shouldn't I? this leads to some spicy hickey x peglar later down the line and also influences his relationship with bridgens in interesting ways.

[pffbts]

Hello hiii so first and foremost you are a great writer 🥺🥺 i dont know but there is something homely about your fics, you make life looks pretty, soft, calming (yeah even when it is heartbreaking) through your fics and i lovEEE IT YOU ALWAYS TUG MY HEART :(( anyways thank you for accepting request!! Can i request something angsty (yeah i live for your angst bcs in a way it is still… soft) but please, happy ending- is this too wide of a request? Do i need to make it even more specific? Actually i would love any angst + happy ending scenarios so i dont have anything specific in mind 😭 any svt members, you can decide~ but if you need something more specific, i will try to suggest one later!! Thank you for writing!! 💖

genre: slice of life; angst; comfort; established relationship.

characters: lee seokmin x gn!reader | support: none.

w.c: 3k

author’s note: apologies first, anon, for the late reply to this sweet ask of yours. i hope after reading this lil fic, you’ll feel warm from inside just like you made me feel with this ask. so because you gave me the freedom to choose a member of my choice, i chose seokmin bc he’s the literally the love of my life & i haven’t written him for so long. i hope that’s okay with you? make sure to stay safe and sound, wherever you are, anon. happy reading!

inspiration: the dream sequence in this fic is real. few months ago, i actually did see seokmin in my dream doing the exact things i’ve written under this cut. and, i remember it vividly that i sat there on my bed feeling like i’m about to cry. it was truly such a happy day for me. i don’t think i’ll ever forget about this dream.

[05:02 PM] [he wished he was the blood in your veins, he never told you he was selfish, he only wanted to steal, steal you away from yourself]

―the cool watermelon that you’ve previously taken out of the fridge and had took your time to cut in almost perfect triangles has now been abandoned next to your sprawled, resting body, upon the open veranda that meets with the green sunlit back garden.

the afternoon sun’s warmth is gentle upon your closed eyes and you know you’ve seen this dream before. 

in this dream that was born out of a late night promise by the one who wears your heart upon him like a keepsake from you, he’s making your favourite egg toast. his cream coloured t-shirt with wrinkles across the edges is facing you and there’s a humming of a tune you hear every so often from him. seconds later, he turns around and places the plate of warm egg toast and coffee in front of you.

seokmin’s eyes adorn pure crescents greeting you a good morning while the rays of sun showers him perfectly from the side making the ends of his jet black bed hair shine in auburn.

one night during the first week of this work trip when seokmin had to be out of country for one month, you stood in the kitchen with an expected guest named loneliness looming upon your shoulders.

in seokmin’s announced absence, you’ve discovered three places where you can still find him lingering. one, the kitchen. second, his side of the closet where his scent stands still like a clock that has ran out of battery and third, the rack next to the bathroom sink where he keeps his own bathroom essentials, most importantly, his after shave lotion. almost every other morning, you would take the thick glass bottle, holding it carefully in both of your palm and open the cap to gather a small sniff of one of your favourite scent in the world.

although among all these three places there is one place that makes you feel more emptier than ever and that is the kitchen. a place where you both would spend hours talking about each of your days, about things that bothers and of all things mundane yet significantly noted down in your minds. it’s a place where you both wind down, let the night fall upon your shoulders and make a home in each other’s hearts.

when seokmin told you about his trip, you thought you’d go back to your takeout days for dinner every night after work but unconsciously, like a habit that has abandoned you, you’ve found yourself coming back home forgetting in buying one. for the past two years, you’ve become so use to the habit of passing by the smell of seokmin’s home cooked delicacies that now it seems like you can never go back to how it was before he walked in the picture where only you existed till now.

you were making for yourself some chow mein for that night’s dinner while the call with him was on the speaker. you’ve realized this a long time ago that seokmin’s voice makes you feel secure in your bones. his warmth and his soul puts you at ease.

at the end of the day, even when you want to be alone in your room, away from all the turmoil of the world, you always like to listen to him even if he’s not always speaking to you. his voice could be travelling through the walls when he’s in the living room talking to his friends or co-workers over phone and you’d halt the action in your hands unknowingly. 

your back will go all relaxed and you’ll exhale soundly staring at the wall just above your eye level with the cotton pad still in-between your thumb and forefinger with which you were previously cleansing the makeup off of your face after a long day at work.

some nights you’d be right by the entrance door returning from giving a visit to your parents and a smile would be automatic on your face when you can hear him being a little too enthusiastic on the other side of the door, singing the karaoke song he has been obsessed with since you have forgotten when.

that night when you told him while you stir fried the chow in the empty house, an empty home that belongs to both you and him, that this isn’t like you and that you cannot believe you’re saying this, a truth which is very universal that you really do sincerely miss him even when you told yourself you’ll not.

you told yourself so because voluntary solitude has always been your friendly neighbor. it helps you by making sure that time flies quickly for you and because it’s so easy to stay connected to people in this day and era, you thought it’ll be in no time that you’ll find seokmin at the doorstep of this shared home.

but it seems solitude has left your side and currently, in its place exist a whole being, a sunlit distraction named lee seokmin.

the man of the hour, who was on the other line, had chuckled softly. usually he would tease but that night, he didn’t. he held the phone close to his mouth and in a gentle voice, he told you that you didn’t have to miss him for long because, “i promise i’ll meet you in your dreams tonight.”

that night he sneaked in through the window of the bedroom like a climber and made himself at home inside your dream. he made you your favourite morning egg toast and a cup of coffee, just the way you like it, strong with no sugar. in your eyes, he became one with the sun that fell upon the breakfast table and when you woke up, in your shared bedroom with seokmin, next to the empty side of the bed, you discovered the sun rays had replaced the warmth that your love leaves behind every morning.

an overwhelming feeling washed over you and your throat tightened up, making you end up crying.

later, that morning, you cried again in the kitchen but didn’t call him. the kitchen reminds you more of him than anything else does. it is where his love fills you to your heart’s brim so it was no better antidote to calm you down.

you didn’t get up right away from your bed like you usually do when you wake up. instead, you sat on your knees upon your side of the bed and leaned down upon his side of the bed. you placed your cheek against the warm bed sheet and as the sun fell upon your eyes, you closed them from making you go blind and rubbed the warmth from the bed sheets upon your cheek.

he was here, you told yourself, nobody ever promised to see me in my dream and kept it so thoroughly.

since that night of promise, seokmin has kept on appearing like this and it’s always the same dream and you realized that you can never get bored of the same cycle of events.

even now that you’re drifting mellow in your subconscious mind, in the corridors of your dreamland, you can smell the coffee in the air and as your vision clears painfully slowly, you figure out his outline – the same old wrinkly cream coloured t-shirt and the curls upon his head all ruffled, asking for you to dig the tips of your finger into them.

only one more night, you said to yourself convincingly, and he will come back home tomorrow.

it was what he had informed you of two nights ago. his voice was a bit hoarse and it seemed the meeting that he previously had made him do most of the talking but he still made sure to let you know of his arrival because he knew you missed him just as much he does.

you wanted to sleep all through this afternoon and night, not waking up at all, until you can feel his presence next morning in this home so that your chest starts to stop feeling so hollow.

seokmin usually does both when he returns home after work. first, he rings the bell and then, unlocks the door himself before you can meet him in the middle at the doorway but that is possible only if you’re home before him during weekdays and on weekends, when it’s your off days.

although this afternoon due to certain intentions, he skips over the first step. he only unlocks the door and prays in his head that you’d be asleep because it’s saturday and usually, most weekend afternoons, you’d be napping after reading a book or watching an animated film.

seokmin trusted his instincts and stepped inside the soundless home. his heart was beating louder than it was planned but nevertheless, with faint footsteps, he walked into the living room and it took him no effort to find you submerged under the orange hue of the drowning sun.

placing the bag of grocery he bought while returning upon the kitchen aisle, seokmin takes some long careful strides and squats in silence next to you, eyes wandering to the abandoned plate full of watermelons.

he smiles and touches the ends of your hair that’s spread out carelessly upon the wooden floor. he doesn’t wake you up. instead, he takes the plate and puts it inside the fridge.

he decides that he needs a nice warm bath and a quick clean shave. maybe when he’s out all fresh and his body is letting go of the jetlag, he’ll take some bite of that watermelon because it looked like, even though you’re not good with kitchen knives, you took your time cutting the chilled watermelon in almost perfect triangles.

seokmin leaves you undisturbed upon the open veranda, covering your legs with a shawl he found clean in the laundry basket and steps inside the bath. he shaves the stubble that was growing around his chin and rubs the after shaving lotion upon the shaved area.

almost half an hour later when he steps out of the bath after drying his hair with a towel that is now resting upon his neck, he gets back into the kitchen and takes out the plate of watermelons he had previously put inside, picking one piece to take a bite and to savor the cooling effect it leaves throughout his body.

he takes the plate and closes the distance between you and him. seokmin settles himself down next to your sleeping self feeling himself somehow becoming one with you under the gradient of the sun that bids another farewell.

he turns his head around to his right and tenderly observes your sleeping face. his eyes follow the mellow ups and downs of your chest. without much thought, he leans in and gently rubs the tip of his nose against your cheek  just to check how much he has missed having you next to him and your scent, the wind that flows against all his edges.  

he cannot for the life of him wake you up when you look so serene because he realized it’s a privilege to see a person who is stationed so permanently in his heart sleeping like as if, finally, their world is at peace. after all the running and fighting with not just the way of this world but also with yourself, he can see you finally resting and accepting.

it’s a scene that countless painters have painted for centuries only because they knew that there’s always something new to discover when they look at someone they love – both things that the other person hides and things they place in front of the painter’s eyes.

although seokmin can neither draw or paint, he has his memory and in his memory, there are walls where now this scene joins many other paintings with you as the subject.

seokmin stretches his legs to release the fatigue in them and reaches for another piece of watermelon as he sits there waiting for the break of your dawn. he waits patiently for your eyes to be on him after a month long of estrangement.

as the dream started fading into a black infinite canvas, your conscious senses started coming up to the surface. squeezing your eyes, you fought with sleep and in the air, you smelt the strong, tantalizing smell of seokmin’s after shaving lotion. you felt yourself losing.

you thought it is impossible because you know seokmin is not supposed to be here and so this might be your brain trying to trick you. either way, you didn’t understand the point of this trick. you furrowed your brows and opened your eyes.

“are you not cold?” your eyes follow the euphonious voice that you can recognize even in a room full of people. they settle upon the calming presence of the man next to you for long.

“am i dreaming?” your voice that was supposed to sound like you’re in doubt sounded croaky as you had just stepped out of your sleepy state.

you noticed seokmin holding a piece of watermelon in his hand. he takes a bite into it and shakes his head and you can see him visibly beam at you. he seems amused by your reaction as he waits for your further words.

as for you, your eyebrows start climbing up your forehead while your eyes goes wide in astonishment, “you’re really here?”

“you must be dreaming too much of me to think that i’m not real right now,” seokmin declared in a convincing tone to which you thought, how did he know?

“weren’t you supposed to come tomorrow?”

“oh, that.” seokmin chuckled, “i lied because i wanted to surprise you.”

“so you did not ring the bell too?”

seokmin hummed back a no. he was very much into finishing up what seemed like his third piece of watermelon.

“god, i cannot believe this. so? how long have i been sleeping?”

“maybe more than an hour. i returned an hour ago.”

“and, why didn’t you wake me up?”

“because i wanted to look at you.”

“i’m not an artifact in a museum, min, you’re funny.”

seokmin laughs at your words and now completely turns around to face you. neither of you say anything and stay as it is in silence. there was nothing to break that silence until the man in front of you put down the hard layer of the melon he has just finished and shuffles around to lay down next to you.

you take half of the shawl that was covering you and place it upon his chest.

“i’m real. see?” seokmin tells you before pulling you close to him as if he knows that you might think of all this happenings as a dream. he holds you tightly against himself and you move to place half of your body upon him.

you tugged your lower lip in, suppressing an overflowing smile as you place a palm upon his cheek, “yes. yes, i see you and i missed you.”

“i missed you too. i even miss you now. i cannot wait to cling onto you until you get sick of me.” seokmin states his wish as he places one of his palm behind your head and pulls you in so that he can nuzzle at the crook of your neck.

“nah, i don’t think that’s happening this soon,” you reply as both of you burst into a fit of giggles, two chests vibrating against each other as each of you feel the warmth, the heart beats and the weight of each other in your arms.

minutes later after a long hug, seokmin unwraps himself from your arms and tells you that you’ll catch a cold like this if you stay this close to the open veranda right now as today’s evening has already welcomed itself at home.

you look at the sky and realize that it is indeed the truth. darkness has fallen and today, it seems like the moon resemblances the shape of seokmin’s eyes when he smiles.

seokmin gets up from the wooden floorboard and lets you take your time to get out of your drowsy state of body. walking into the bedroom, he brings out a hoodie for you and as he watches you wear it upon your t-shirt to warm you up, he offers to make tonight’s dinner.

“that’s one good thing about you being back home. now i don’t have to ponder over what to eat for dinner.” ….and also not be lonely while putting a single plate upon the dinner table to eat because you were not there, you thought to yourself.

it makes you puzzled sometimes how even two years ago you were happy enough to just be back home at your place and eat whatever for the night because you were so used to being on your own but now, you cannot recognize those parts of you in yourself anymore.

you’re too used to it now. the love that seokmin puts in your coffee every morning without you asking for it. so much that now you don’t know where to put it all down in words. you’ve forgotten when seokmin has come and added his golden yellow to your palette of dull blue.

presently, under this blue and yellow gradient coloured sky, what can you call this love? a feeling that can only be equivalent to the stream flowing or the rain drizzling? like coffee, you drink it down and offer to wash the dishes because you want to stay longer. because, it seems like you’re always dreaming since he has walked into your life with a suitcase in hand.

“i cannot believe i’m saying this, min, but i was getting sick of eating takeouts.” you tell him as you follow him into the kitchen. you watch seokmin taking out the vegetables he bought, “i was dying to have a nice dinner made by you.” you conclude not knowing what else to say.

“that’s why i’m here now - to spoil you rotten, sleepyhead. now freshen up, we’ll watch this one movie i found while we eat.” seokmin takes hold of your hand and as your knuckles get buried under the heat of his large palm, you realize that no other part of your body can ever be as warm as the space in-between your and his hand. 

welcome home, you tell yourself, it’s been hard, right?

fin.

[raeflora]

Hi, I think you're a GG fan too, I'm wondering about something. For example, it was obvious that she loved Chuck when she was with Dan and Louis, but Chuck acted like he completely forgot about Blair with Eva and Raina, so it seems like it casts a shadow over his love for CB, what do you think? He said to blair 4×4 "eva changed me" or make a room for raina on Valentine day. "You're sacred to me"

I know He loved blair the most. But If it couldn't happen with Blair, he was ready for other alternatives.

hi!! yes I'm v much a gg fan sksfjkdk so ur in the right place 💕💕 so I don't think he exactly forgot about blair with eva or raina. with eva he ultimately wasn't his true self, yes he claimed she changed him but it wasn't really him, he became henry prince and it was more that he had the freedom to become the kind of man he felt was more worthy of having a good life than it being just eva's impact, and that after everything that happened he didn't want to be himself anymore. I think with eva he was trying to be something he's not, and actually his relationship with blair enabled him to be more open and affectionate as he was romantic and loving with her. also after eva leaves he doesn't really think of her much. yes that's why he starts the war with blair but as she pointed out he was still clinging onto his henry prince dream which wasn't what he truly wanted and that simple life wouldn't have really been sustainable for him, and he's actually the one to say I love you first to blair in 4x09 so he forgot about eva and his revenge plan pretty quickly bc blair's the one he truly loves. him calling raina sacred always felt ooc to me, I think he did like her but I don't think they could've lasted long. at the time she was kind of what blair was aspiring to be and, as chair put their relationship on hold purely so blair could become powerful in her own right, I think she was a good fit for chuck and blair did feel threatened by her bc of this. however, he still openly schemes with blair and mentions her plan so he hasn't forgotten her, rather he's found someone who he needs to seduce for his business to continue and ends up having an actual connection with. that being said, he knows raina's temporary and he clearly doesn't envisage a long term future with her bc he knows blair's still around. aside from one or two lines where he's kinda annoyed at nate for dating her so soon he doesn't actually seem to have a problem with it and moves on from her quickly, much like his initial anger over eva leaving fades quite quickly. the only times he ever actually tries to move on from blair are when it's what he thinks she wants or needs, and even while she's with dan he's still technically waiting for her to sort herself out so they can finally be together. 5x24 is the only time he says he needs to move on with his life without her, and that's only bc he's sick of waiting while she's with dan. he waits for a year for her only for her to jerk him around, and obviously he can't put his life on hold for her forever. I wanna take a minute to say that the idea of blair being able to date who she wants while chuck has to wait is so unfair, bc she's stringing him along when she knows who she really wants to be with. I think that although chuck could have been with an alternative woman he ultimately wouldn't have wanted anyone else as much as blair, and he wouldn't have been as happy

[dballzposting]

okay so you said you haven't finished GT? but i have to know if you've seen the GT OVA. bc it takes place like 100 years later, and Pan is there. and unless Gohan had another kid, we KNOW she was in a relationship and had a kid. This is a fact.

there are NO photos of this person, or of her kid, or of her grandkid. None in the house. she does not bring them up at ALL.

which honestly is just very in character for her to me? She is one who focuses on what she has. on her future. like she'll acknowledge the past (which she does in the special) but she doesn't live in it.

im sorry you've literally never talked about Pan before on this blog but I've been thinking about it recently. in her introduction in GT, she wants a boyfriend, but it seems more like a status symbol for her than a romantic desire. But she occasionally talks about people who are together in a way that implies it's Very Important to her, which combined leads me to think she cares about it in the context of 'people who are romantic should care for each other' i.e. it's less about the romantic aspect than it is about the bond. because she comes from a HEAVILY family-oriented family.

idk where im going with this my brain turned off. but pan never talks about her husband or wife. and it made me think too hard. do you think it was too painful and she hid it all away? she outlived everyone. even her grandkid. do you think she gave so much of her heart that she had to hide it to cope?

Hi i dont know what OVA stands for. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THE MOIVE? A Hero's Legacy? Yeah I've never seen it.

Why is she so old?

The creators probably just didn't want to go too far out on any limbs and start designing her a spouse or a child so maybe thats why ... But I like your version better

I actually have totally posted about Pan before. Last spring I was thinking about her quite a bit actually .. The only major thouhgt that ever came to fruition as I recall was an exceedingly long post about her that even I have not reread since. I will fetch it

Found it

She's so real for prioritizing that bond ... I always felt like she wanted a BF at the beginning of GT becasue A.) she is a maturing girl .. allow her to follow her nature ..... And B.) Becasue she's trying to seem more grown (another thing that kids her age tend to do and it makes sense that we see her do it a lot becasue her parents seem very strict in GT, she is just DESPERATE for her freedom and the power to be responsible for herself!) But yeah she's a kid venturing out into the world, her wanting a BF at that young age does not contradict at all with the idea that she may end up someone without romance but with a priority for interpersonal bonds.

HER GRANDKID DIED IN THAT MOVIE ? I don't believe you. Also that's too sad to think that she is all emotionally-armored and is holding unto the pain. I want to believe that she has the grace to let it go...

This is so fucked up.

Here's a screenshot of Pan she's so quirky <3

[a-master-procrastinator]

New characters! (bc I don't have self-control)

(really wish zabraks could have more grayish skin color in game. and more hairstyles)

While I was writing an answer to a question involving Kerstes I tried to figure out her future, including if she'd have a partner or not. And answer quickly became 'yes', I just needed to decide who it would be. I had different ideas, but in the end settled down for just making a new character.

Born in nobility, Kaali never quite liked it - she always felt like her whole life has been chosen and planned for her (even when her parents tried to encourage her to do something she had shown interest in), and so at the age of 18 she left to live on her own.

She tried different paths, and after some time ended up trying bounty hunting, and found that she's pretty decent at it. Listening to a lot of gossip while growing up taught her how to find useful information among rumors, and self-defense training, paired with lessons she took from the guards when the parents didn't know, meant Kaali can hold her own in a fight.

At some point, the young mercenary tried to claim a bounty on Kerstes' head. Not out of malice, she simply wanted the money (and maybe a little adventure), and this bounty offered more credits than others. She, of course, failed, and the only reason she wasn't killed is that Kerstes wanted to know who put the bounty on her head. Kaali didn't know, but stuck around to help find the client in exchange for her life.

During the search, they got along pretty well, bonded over some stuff (for example, both growing up as nobility and wanting more freedom), and overall enjoyed each other's company (to Kerstes' surprise). By the time they found and dealt with the client, Kaali liked working with Kerstes and wouldn't mind doing that again, so she gave the Sith a way to contact her if needed.

And Kerstes did contact her shortly after surviving an assassination attempt. She hired Kaali to track Draahg (not to kill, she wouldn't stand a chance), and the mercenary agreed. She tracked him to Belsavis, where he set up a trap, and tried to warn Kerstes about it, but was caught and knocked out. Aftter he was dealt with, Kaali decided to travel with Kerstes to see her revenge through.

(I'm still deciding exactly how their relationship develops from there, so it's very rough, but I wanted to share)

And the second character is Anstinur, a Sith Lord who decides to help the Alliance and provide them the information on multiple Imperial operations, specifically those that Darth Nox is involved in.

This part will include some spoilers for 6.0 and any story after that, so be warned.

Since I'm now 100% sure that Jett's Alliance isn't going to side with either Republic or Sith Empire after Iokath and instead deals with other neutral factions, certain in-game events are not going the same way (for example, the Alliance isn't involved at all in preparations or the attack on the Meridian Complex in Onslaught). However, it seems that whatever is going to happen with Malgus' plan, it involves both the faction that captured him (in this legacy, it's the Sith Empire) and the Alliance, since they are the ones dealing with Heta (and she's now included in that plan), so I wanted to have a way for the Alliance to get the intel from the Sith.

As I said, in this verse the Sith Empire manages to capture Malgus, and now they are trying to understand his plan and stop it. Specifically, Auletta, as a member of the Dark Council, is heavily involved in this, and since Sith Empire and Alliance aren't working together, all intel about this is out of Alliance's reach. They didn't even think that Malgus was that big of a threat until their meeting with the Voss leaders.

Enter Anstinur, a Sith Lord who is respected for his contribution to the war effort in the second and third Great Galactic wars. Being on the front lines and witnessing imperial victories and losses firsthand, he understands the need for change, and he's been approving Acina's reforms. He also understands that Darth Nox is not embracing those changes sincerely, and her ambition and hunger for power are dangerous for the Empire. Anstinur suspects that she will claim all the glory from stopping Malgus and use it to challenge the authority of Empress Acina, so he reaches out to the Alliance, hoping that with his help they will be able to stop Malgus first. He's extremely careful with what information he shares (bc Auletta could track that), but in the end his intel gives the Alliance an edge.

(of course I need to see how the story goes in the game, so for now I'm waiting for future story updates, but I'm thinking about alternatives)

But there is more to his despise of Auletta than just disagreeing with her ways, it's more personal. See, at some point she pretty much ruined Emperor's Wrath's life, who just happens to be Anstinur's sister. His family put a lot of effort and risked a lot to make sure that Iressa would become a Sith despite her upbringing. They were very proud when she was named Emperor's Wrath, and to see all her successes stripped away because of Darth Nox was devastating. And Astinur wasn't going to let it go just like this.

[dykefever]

Okayyyy I finished tsasog and without further ado here is me simping:

God I missed your wolfstar the UST, the chemistry is unparalleled. I need my wolfstar pathetic and intense and pining mutually right off the bat and you delivered. Don't think I didn't see Remus's reaction when he caught sight of Sirius in his church that first time!

Ok some of my fave metaphors (not incl. religious) that have stuck with me: spit watermelon seed for Lola. Holding a cherry pit under his tongue waiting for Remus. That whole description of James in the last chapter omg.

Having never watched Fleabag bc of the triggers, to me, the way you described missing your dead friend, and what it felt like for Sirius right after she died-- it's accurate. All of it. Thank you for treating it tenderly and honestly. It made me feel less crazy tbh.

Ok onto the Hot Priest bit. Again, only you and only wolfstar will have me buying into The Hot Priest (like yes, Sirius, Get On Your Knees for Remus where you belong. The fingers on his tongue, like he is receiving the Eucharist, the Body of Christ, only hello it's the body of Remus John Lupin). I weirdly grew up with a brand of priest where being hot was part of their whole thing to like "attract people to God" but then like try being fifteen and in confession and having to tell said priest you let your bf touch your boobs shit got weird.

ON THAT NOTE. I am FERAL for all the religious/sacrilegious metaphors and perversions and commentary. I already talked about Sirius receiving "communion," but Sirius crucifying himself on a FIRE ESCAPE with his pathetic love for Remus? Perfect. If you ever need a beta for that shit PLEASE let me put my catholic education to werk. I once wrote a metaphor comparing a sex facial to the baptism of Jesus in the river jordan. I got a lifetime of knowledge.

I'll end with this: Remus, after he leaves the church and goes to Sirius and professes his love-- that experience was beautifully depicted. Remus saying that religion is a source of goodness and truth and peace, and if you aren't experiencing that, then it's not what you are meant to be doing: SO TRUE. And then there's that feeling of freedom and happiness and joy you have when you are brave enough to truly follow your path, even if it means giving up an identity and a life and a truth you once believed. It's terrifying but exhilarating once you make it to the other side. But yeah, that idea of bone-deep, constant "suffering," as Remus called it, while staying in the church, and then realizing that that is not what church or God or love should actually feel like- that is the *only* way a truly devout person will ever have the strength to walk away from it. You nailed it.

Hope this ask isn't too unhinged but like what is the point of fandom if you cant pull shit like this amirite? Thank you for sharing your writing-- you are doing the lord's work. xxooo

hello hello!!!! i love this ask definitely not too unhinged thank you for all ur lovely words :-) and thank you for including the bits from the last ask i somehow deleted 😭😭

i actually can’t write r/s without UST and like intense amounts of pathetic pining it just doesn’t make sense to me thank you for seeing my vision and loving it!! i’m really honoured you read this work despite it having some triggering material for you - and then also feeling i honoured the events that happen and treated it well. whenever i write difficult topics (grief, mental health struggles, unhealthy relationships etc) im always trying to approach it with care and honesty and vulnerability! drawing from what i know and how i think that character would also react to these events. but yeah thank you :-) particularly irt religion which i have some knowledge of but not hugely, i actually ended up doing a lot of research and like reading priest’s experiences in the church and why they chose the profession etc and then why some leave. and i’m glad the last part resonated because religion isn’t inherently evil or bad and i didn’t want r to be like i don’t want any of it! but to actually connect with his faith again to realise that the way he was practicing and engaging with his religion was no longer healthy and no longer the best way to like connect with it and god!!

and damn i wish i had gotten you on board for the religious metaphors 😭 you would have taken it the next level aidjfjw but thank you so much for all these lovely words!!!! just loved reading all this :-) xxxx

[marshmallowprotection]

You know the whole thing about Saeran forgiving the people who hurt him and that includes his parents, people seemed so upset by that. But it’s like it’s so complex?

Like as someone with a mother who hit me a lot and was constantly tired in the past. I can’t find it in myself to hate her. I love that the choi twins differ that way. That Saeyoung makes it a point to say it doesn’t forgive them and he’s not shamed for it. But Saeran says he forgives them and isn’t shamed for it either. It’s just how the both of them chose to cope and move on. I find myself relating to Saeran bc of this.

There’s always shows and movies where an abusive parent to child relationship is shown and we see built up resentment which is valid. Those are all valid, hating the people who hurt you and even deciding to put them in a ✨retirement home✨ is valid. But I love my mom so much. We didn’t have a lot and she was disabled living off welfare and social security. And I was always a very sensitive kid. So she didn’t have patience for it or the burdens of life were crippling. She took that out on me as a result. I feel like parental relationships are so complex. I hold grudges against her obviously, a part of me is very angry because of what happened to me resulted. I can’t help but have so much love for her. And I think no one acknowledges that kind of complexity. I felt seen during Saeran’s AE. I never tell anyone this because I get upset if people tell me “wow your mom was a piece of shit” or “she’s a bad mom” like even if that’s technically true, don’t talk bad about my mom 😐 unless someone’s my family I don’t want anyone’s two cents on how I should feel about her.

I love that fact Saeran cried for her, and I found what he said so important. How yeah he was horribly and severely abused, but she’s his mom and after Saeyoung left, she was all he had. And since the difference between SE Saeran and GE Saeran being that one had the choice to escape Mint Eye the choice to seek his own freedom and happiness, the other was forcibly removed and then put in a hospital (even if it was for the best and Saeyoung was out of options). So I found it important that Saeran said regarding how she died, “I never wanted to lose her like that.”

He was never even given a choice to leave his abusive mom. She was just gone one day. They didn’t even find a body. I’m sure he felt lonely and empty, at that moment his mom disappeared without a trace just like Saeyoung did. And he never had the chance to even process his grief, bc for some people a loss is a loss.

I never wanna seem like those type of people who are like “oh but she’s your mother wym you hate her” every victim’s feelings towards those who hurt them are valid. But it never sat right with me that people passed judgment on Saeran for deciding to forgive her. Or saw it as bad writing. Felt hypocritical to me. Like there’s a right way to heal from abuse and Saeran did it “wrong”. It’s not like forgiveness means everything is all water under the bridge.

Basically, if you choose to forgive those that hurt you and that will help you heal? Good on you. If you choose to resent those that hurt you and that will help you heal? That’s just as good too.

I love the choi twins!

You hit the nail on the head. This is personal and circumstantial. As a victim of abuse, you are the only person that gets to decide how you handle your life and the complexities of whatever choice you make in regard to how you feel about your abuser. It's important you make an informed choice based on what you know about yourself.

If you need to talk to other people and spend days, months, years, etc, figuring out what to do? That's perfectly all right, but at the end of the day, you need to be the one that decides how you're going to handle your feelings about the person(s) who abused you. You are also not confined to the choice you make.

If something changes going forward and you feel differently, you are allowed to react that way. If you know you're never going to change your mind, that's also okay. You are the one that knows you the best. Do not let anybody detract from what you know deep inside your heart. There is no right or wrong way to handle this situation.

There is only the choice you make with what feels right for you. What's right for you may not be right for another person and that’s okay.

I don't think anybody should judge Saeran or Saeyoung. They decided what they wanted to do and everybody should respect that choice. It doesn't have to be the choice you make, but they did what was right for them. Frankly, I am so happy that the two of them got to decide what felt right.

There's a reason why you get a good ending by helping Saeran confront his father as opposed to letting Rika handle him. For him to be able to reach the best amount of peace, he needs to confront all of them and find forgiveness in his heart in some capacity. I've gone over the many kinds of forgiveness because there is no single type. He got what he needed. 

Anon, I hope you know you’re not wrong for doing what was right for you. I don't think you're naive and I don't think you're foolish. You know what's right for you and you know how to keep yourself safe. If you know in your heart that the complicated feelings you have are okay, that's all that matters.

When your abuser is a parent, of course, you feel complicated. Society teaches us that we are supposed to love our parents as much as they're supposed to love us. Many abusers had good days and bad days, and that makes it even more complicated for you to come to terms with the fact that they hurt you. Some had a black-and-white situation where their parents weren’t good all the time, and I hope they know they’re justified in feeling what they need to feel, too.

Instead of shaming people or making them feel bad for the decisions that they make to come to terms with what they suffered, we should all be supporting each other and respecting our personal choices. Just because somebody chooses to do something different than you doesn't mean that they're wrong in doing so. You are allowed to have your feelings and they are allowed to have theirs.

As long as you respect and care for each other as fellow survivors of abuse, that's what matters. 

I have my own feelings about the abuse I've suffered. I don't forgive. But, I've been allowed to make that choice and nobody makes me feel bad for it. Nobody should make people who choose to forgive feel ashamed of doing so, however. I find it admirable that there are people that can lighten the load on their hearts by choosing to find some form of forgiveness to find peace. Peace for me won't come through forgiveness. But I salute those that find it in their hearts. 

[beatsboy]

7.5.24 day 12 of romanticizing my life until i love myself again

brat in the street

found an old song on a sheet of paper written before my egg cracked. revealing

fuck you, you’re not my king, it ends. funny that my first single is literally “(i’m your) king” and it’s about my breakup

used my uber eats for the first time in like a year and it came with my deadname. amazing

tested positive for covid after rushing out of my house to go pick up my friend’s dog i’m taking care of while they’re out of town, thinking i was just coming down with a cold (there was no human interaction in this exchange)

after driving/walking from 10am til 1pm essentially i came home, feeling like shit, and decided to take a covid test, and here we are

i miss tb so much when i get sick. i miss the way they would make me soup, tea, bring it to me in bed. how we’d watch studio ghibli movies and pretend it wasn’t sunny outside so i would feel less trapped indoors. i miss the way they never cared that i was sick in the way i do, in the way that i’m afraid of getting sick (partially because i’m immunocompromised, but i was v paranoid even before i found that out). they’d just cuddle me, hold me, take care of me, and do chores in between while i was sleeping during the day

and i was always so upset. why? just because i got sick. because i couldn’t do things. in the last year of our relationship, i remember getting covid before fluid, being so upset i couldn’t prep and work and get money for the show. when i got covid the first time, in the first year of our relationship, i was so upset i couldn’t be there for cori, and yet, i was given a chance, to just be taken care of and do nothing else. realizing now, that that was the only time i’ve ever really had that, other than zeke (hs boyfriend lmao do not have to redact his name bc i know he will never see this), and i regret not cherishing it in the moment, instead being so angry at the illness in my body stopping me

i know i crave tb and grow weaker in this breakup (it’s been over a year since we broke up sort of, but we spent all last summer being in and out of it, broken up but not very well), in september it will have been a year since they moved out. since it was really real. it wasn’t real before then. we kept trying to go back to us, to see the changes in action, but every time we tried to put them in action, after seeing ourselves be able to do it on our own, the work, the healthy behaviors, we would just fall into the same cycles. and by september, i was done. i was done trying, working. i was exhausted. we almost spent $3000 on couples therapy. we were 26! i know now, all we needed was space and independence, and to work on our own respective traumas. and then there is the question if i want to be with this person at all, beyond codependency, beyond the linger, beyond the rumination, beyond the addiction

i know, that after a breakup, you spend so long in the ruminating phase, as they’re calling it these days. or, at least i do. i spent 4 out of 5 years of my flirtationship with my ex, jb, ruminating, pining, and thinking that someday we would end up together. of course, i dated other people, fucked other people, but i was never over him. not even when i dated kc, my girlfriend after college. not even then had i really gotten over him. and then, one day i did, like magic, and everything changed. i hate to give credit to him, and it wasn’t just him of course, it was going no contact with my father (and dating jb was very much an instance of wow i dated my dad), allowed me a freedom i had never known before. the awareness of being perceived by that kind of man was holding me back so much more than i would have liked to thought. my idea of myself revolved around what i thought both those men would find impressive (dad) or attractive (jb), and most of the time both in my ex’s case.

i never had that fear with tb. i never worried about them finding me attractive or impressive. i never worried about how they would perceive me. i changed in front of their eyes, and there were some hard conversations along the way (i.e. do you like men or do you just like me, because if you’re not legit sexually attracted to men you can’t be attracted to me) and i watched them change, too. but, by the end of our relationship, i was a completely different person. i act like i changed so much from 2020 to the end of 2021, and i did. i shaved my head, i tattooed my face, i did things i didn’t even know existed, i also got very addicted to cocaine. and tb met me in that era, when i was a femme karaoke queen who was in the middle of the most succession ass family drama they’ve ever heard in real life. and they just, loved me. and they watched me grow and change, soften and harden, break down and rebuild myself. reinvent myself. again.

but i remember also, when i had to buy myself flowers. when i had to choose all our date nights. when i became so in charge for some reason. and they would do things for me, anything i asked, but eventually, they never did things i didn’t ask for. i asked for a lot, i know. things were unbalanced, in both directions

i think about “king” my song from our breakup. it was all about ownership. love is not belonging to someone, i know that now, that’s just how i was taught. i don’t want to love like a king, i don’t even want to live like one. it sounds so lonely, and i am already feeling a bit too much of that at the moment.

i know this is a lung disease but finally broke down and smoked some weed to help me sleep, and maybe eat something. it’s hard to eat without it, and i don’t have a lot of food at home right now (will probably have to really give in and instacart tomorrow)

tb offered to come bring me groceries even though they’re working for the next 7 days basically. why can’t i just let them love me

i need it

i want it

[ariannasenvolant]

Moving On

The story I started for my creative writing class, but never submitted bc it felt too much like my diary & I wanted to move on from giving this trauma attention lol: however, i fw the writing

She stares at me soullessly. Her red hair, parted into two pigtails, with blue ribbons on the ends. The bright smile stays fixed upon her face and she doesn't blink once. Sitting across the kitchen table, I stare back, a bitter taste in my mouth; what does she have to smile about?

Piercing into her unwavering eyes, I'm suddenly back there. Spiraling. Losing my screws. Turning gray, blue, red, green. I'm sobbing on the floor. Throwing a tantrum, no better than any three-year-old who won't get their way. I'm lighting the room with my grief. So bright, you dare not open your eyes. You feel the pain behind your lids and one peek of desperation, the light consumes you and my shit becomes your shit and even though you're the cause of my grief, I am the one feeling it and you don't want to be a part of it because you're. Done. with. Me.

I close my eyes, accepting the warmth of tears forming. When I open them again, she asks me, “why are you doing this again?” Before I answer, her face crumples before me and my sister is throwing her and her fixed smile in the trash, along with the crumbs of the Wendy's fries at the bottom of the bag.

“Why so long?” my sister asks.

I quickly blink away my tears and leave for my room without saying a word.

The memory of my past love replays in my head and the word freedom sits on the tip of my tongue and for some odd reason, a word as such empowers me. I just want to be free. Free mind.

It's been eight months since my ex and I broke up. Eight months, and if I think about it enough, the emotions arise as if it was just today we ended things. I've been in love before, and heartbreak always follows, but this particular ex has become a part of my blood. I love myself as though she is still loving me, as she was the one who taught me love.

Moving on is not an easy process. But I realized nothing in this life comes easy. Lustful encounters with strangers, the fleeting excitement and euphoria is all I have to compare to her new girlfriend. I wonder what she is doing now, as I am writing about her.

When we broke up, I went to the beach alone. The vastness of the ocean reminded me of how small I was and how small my misery was. A woman approached me and she told me I looked depressed. I confided in her and we stood by the edge of the water together looking out. The water kissed our feet and she told me “I need you to be strong.” Her words, words of a momentary stranger kept me afloat for a while.

Not too long after her, a man with a kid approached me. He asked for my number, but I told him I just got out of a relationship. He told me to move on. As though moving on is something easy like turning the page in a book. I laughed at the irony of an option making itself present in front of me, that there's “plenty fish in the sea” yet I was not hungry at all.

Journaling and listening to music were my only two forms of escape. I’d do each mindlessly. No thoughts in my head. It was either words on a paper keeping me company or Popcaan’s voice on “Silence” reminding me to keep “my heart clean, filled with love.” Despite the present feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and sadness deep within my being, my soul, detached from the situation, only wanted love to prevail. For the time being however, I was numb.

My third week single I went to a film festival and met a man. We talked for hours and by the next day we were having sex, and by the end of the week he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I said yes because I needed the distraction. I was his girlfriend for two months and rebounding was hard because I didn’t want to admit he was a rebound and that I was using him. I would compare his love to her love, and I was wrong to think that a man could love me how I, as a woman, would want to be loved. It was nice to have someone hold my feelings when I couldn’t hold them myself though. I knew I wasn’t shit when I met his best friend, and he engaged my mind more than my boyfriend did, and I didn’t mind flirting with him. Our relationships' end was inevitable but I'm beyond grateful for the light he offered in the darkest spaces of my life.

It's been eight months since breaking up and I'm now understanding how to be alone for the hundredth time. I'm taking an edible and practicing self-discipline. I'm not looking you up on your social medias and I stopped smoking for two months. Can you tell I'm proud of myself? It's also recording YouTube videos, deleting other social media, beefing with a past fling on Tumblr, taking my brother to swimming class, taking shrooms with my friends to then isolate myself, isolating myself and writing this. It's spending less time thinking about you and my idea of you in my head and more time thinking about my identity, Dr. Sebi, and how I'm going to travel. The next book I'm going to read and the homework I still have to do. It's finding pieces of you in pockets of my life and having a good cry before standing up and realizing the love is still there, yet I'm no longer there in that place.

The woman I met at the beach told me that true love never leaves you & I'm befriending time in hopes of a calm sea and warmer days.

[librarygf]

Same anon as a sec ago: can you turn your wisdom to the godawful “galager” prison reunion scene? Help me make sense of Ian’s rxn to Mickey? Bc it honestly makes me hate him, and you seem to have levels of empathy and insight that I cannot access.

okay i just spent ages scrolling through my blog to find the place where i’ve talked about it before, so here is that, and here are some other s6 thoughts. but to reiterate i have a couple of thoughts about it. 1) i do think it’s mostly an occasion of the writers being dicks but 2) if i still had to analyze it as a character moment, here are some notes:

a) i think that ian did want to visit him and that if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have gone, because he has a job and money and didn’t need that fifty bucks. telling mickey he got paid is a dick move, but i get the impression that although it mellows mickey a little, mickey also understands all that enough to know that it’s just the excuse he’s using to have done something that at least part of him wants to do anyway. at least that’s what i gather from mickey hearing the paid me and still asking if ian will wait etc. (also ian telling svetlana that he’s done with that part of his life is clearly a lie, because the moment he’s in front of mickey he acts decidedly Not Done)

b) i think the context of ian’s other scenes is important, and makes it interesting, because ian spends the first episodes of s6 at everyone’s throats, ready to murder fiona, lip and sean, but with mickey he’s not angry. instead he’s quiet, looking down, and clearly finding the whole thing very difficult. at the same time, him laughing after no it’s fucking not, is practically the only time we see real life slip through in him. but then he wipes it off quickly, and to me the whole scene actually sets up what he’s doing in s6 pretty nicely, by showing how deeply sad he still is about mickey, how he likes him and loves him, and how he’s (selfishly) trying to compartmentalize the whole thing away 

c) it’s my personal headcanon that while mickey sees going down as something he did for ian, ian really doesn’t, because although mickey’s other stints in the joint have been related to him too, he's never loved it before. instead i can easily imagine him finding it pretty dumb that mickey’s locked up (what good does it do him for mickey to torture or almost kill sammi and get locked up for it, and to involve his fourteen-year-old sister in it?), which can explain why he doesn’t feel indebted to mickey for it

d) in the end, when ian says he’ll wait, i think it’s true. obviously not in the sense that he stays celibate or doesn’t date, and maybe not even consciously, but i think that when you watch the seasons and listen to ian in the s6 scene with mandy, telling her that he misses mickey but caleb is good while it lasts, it becomes obvious that he’s not getting long-term, deeply-in-love serious with anyone else, and that a part of him is waiting for mickey to get out, at which point he’ll be ready to drop everything for him (which in s7 he does). this is supported by the speed with which he’s like marriage, kids, retirement once he has mickey with him again

[bangtangalicious]

what would fmf!jk do if oc didn’t listen to jk and actually dated someone and ended up falling in love, how far would jk go to get her back?

so lets say you fall in love with taehyung bc he’s such a sweetheart in this. i hope you like this anon <3

tw: jealousy, possessive behavior, toxic fuckboy mentalities, fuckboy!jungkook, manipulation, implied smut, angst (sorry lmaoooo), heartbreak, selfpity, sabotage, poor taehyung rip, implied slut shaming (this part of the fuck me forever au)

weeks after hearing the news that you and taehyung were actually now dating, jungkook would find himself at the bar every night, drinking away the pain and throwing himself at others. he’d fuck two or three people a night, but his mind was always full of you. he was sick of you. no. he missed you.

he’d see you and taehyung around campus being all cute together. taehyung kissing your forehead, making you laugh, holding you in his arms the way jungkook used to

he’d sweat it off at the gym, pounding into the punching bag like there was no tomorrow. he couldn’t sit around and let you slip away from him. not any longer.

he’d hit you up, hellbent on doing whatever he needed to sabotage your relationship before he loses you for good. he’d text you asking to meet, showing up at your place when taehyungs not around. he’d want to try to drive a wedge between the two of you

he knew youd tell taehyung youd been spending time with him. he wanted you to. because he knew taehyung would advise you not to see him. to cut him out of your life.

and that was the key. jungkook would start putting the idea in your head that taehyung himself was overly possessive, not wanting you to spend time with your own best friend—how ridiculous ! 

jungkook knew all your deepest insecurities, and would exploit them to the fullest in order to to make you doubt taehyung’s commitment to you. 

he'd point out whenever other girls would talk to him. whenever taehyung would say he was too busy to see you. it would become the bane of his existence, making sure to catch taehyung slipping whenever he possibly could. he'd fill your head with wrong notions, reminding you all the reasons you felt you were undeserving of someone loving you.

then he'd recommend breaking up with him.

in the meantime he'd go around telling all your mutual friends that you still sleep with him even though you claim to be dating taehyung

taehyung may not believe it, but everyone else does. 

eventually they would start judging taehyung for being complacent or naive. saying that you’re taking advantage of him and getting away with cheating on him because you’re just that hot

despite how hard taehyung tries, it would eventually get to his head. he would blow up at you accidentally one day and you would start to think that maybe jungkook was right about taehyung being possessive. you weren't used to being in a relationship either. so you’d dump him then and there

jungkook would be overjoyed when you tell him, calling him in a mess of tears. he'd come over right away and take full advantage of your heartbreak & vulnerability. hold you tight. be the friend you knew and loved. the one you needed. 

sssh baby its okay. im here now aren’t i? everything will be okay. i got you.

you’d realize just how close he is, your lips would draw into him like a magnet. he’d make sure you kissed him first.

you’d want to give him everything, let him take complete control so that you could feel numb.

let me take away the pain baby. i can make it all go away. let me treat you right.

jungkook would then begin to fuck you sweetly. with care. getting into your emotional mind. filling you with love & adoration. making you feel wanted. making you feel beautiful. 

he has no idea what he’s missing out on. you’re a fucking goddess y/n. you’re the hottest girl in the entire world. you drive me crazy.

you realize that no matter how hard you tried to deny it you still had feelings for jungkook. you always would. 

this would overwhelm jungkook. he loves you too. but he’s afraid. afraid he’ll mess up and you’ll leave him. afraid that you’ll hurt him, get bored of him before he gets bored of you. he likes having to chase you. he likes the freedom of having you only when he’d like. he can’t be tied down, he can’t! its suffocating to think about. he doesn’t want what you and taehyung had.

he'd panic internally, but decide to entertain your feelings for the night if it would keep you this eager to please him and let him rail you repeatedly, all night long. however he wants.

god im fucking in love with you baby. i love you so much 

as he would push his cock deep inside you. he’d promise you love. friendship. the knowing comfort that you’d never ever be alone—you always had him. he was yours as long as you were his. 

you’re mine. all mine. don’t ever let anyone touch you again except me. im the only one. tell me im the only one. show me how much you need me.

he would fuck you over. and over. and over again. lips glued to one another. never parting as he pumped you full of his cum until you couldn’t even move. 

such a good fucking girl. so perfect for me. wanna fuck you just like this for the rest of my life

in the morning taehyung would show up begging for you to give him another chance. jungkook would answer the door in nothing but his boxers, telling taehyung everything he needed to know. 

once he would leave jungkook would grab your phone and block taehyungs number. he didn’t want to risk the two of you communicating and fixing your relationship.

he’d lie down, thinking about his actions as he watches you sleep. he couldn’t do it. he just couldn’t do it. he’d blink back tears of frustration, hating himself more for stealing something good from you—his best friend—for his own selfish needs. 

he wasn’t good enough for you. you deserved better. he recalled with a pang in his heart all the promises he made made while making love to you for so long last night. he was rotten, and he knew it. 

so when you you woke up. 

he was gone. 

a/n: basically he’d manage to get you back but then he would leave bc. he’s an asshole. IM SORRY HAAHAHA. theres a happy ending in the works ok dw. 

[yagamiluvr]

heyyy i was wondering if you could do a head cannon on how the aot boys feel about being a virgin and like not knowing what to do if that makes sense lmao

of course!! thank you for the request, i hope what i've written is sufficient!! enjoy! <3

CONTENT WARNING: nsfw/smut, swearing, fem-bodied reader, also lowkey kind of crack?? idk there's funny elements to it at certain points HAHA FEATURING: armin, eren, erwin, jean, levi

VIRGIN!AOT BOYS (various characters x reader headcanons)

ARMIN

the poor boy is so scared LMAO

the last thing he wants is to be judged by you, and he's afraid you'll think lesser of him when you find out he's a virgin :(

it takes him a bit to muster up the courage to tell you

but of course you're obviously incredibly understanding

he shyly asks you if you could guide him/show him how to pleasure you

all he wants is to make you feel good, so he's heavily dependent on you to show him what you want

once he gets into the swing of things, he's literally a god in the sheets like holy sHIT-

he's so grateful to you for being so gentle with him, and he's especially grateful that you let him lose his virginity to you <33

EREN

if there's anything bigger than this man's desire for freedom (LMAO), it's his fat ego

and he's not about to just admit he's a virgin

in his mind, HE'S supposed to be the strong manly man in the relationship, and him being a virgin almost makes him feel... weak??

yasss we stan the toxic masculinity 😍😍😍 /s

BUT ANYWAY

once you two start to get intimate, he kinda just assumes he can pull off acting like he knows what he's doing

he does not

"fuck, baby... does that feel good?"

"eren, you're missing my clit entirely."

"huh? the fuck you mean i'm missing it?"

he never straight up admits he's never had sex before, but he ends up revealing he's "not too experienced" all while trying to maintain a confident nature

once you give him guidepoints, though, he quickly takes charge

and good lord is he good at it

ERWIN

erwin has nothing to hide from you

he isn't ashamed to let you know he's a virgin, and he trusts you a lot so he knows you won't be judgmental

he's very honest with you, too. he doesn't like to sugarcoat things!

he's afraid of hurting you, so the first time you two have sex, he asks you to take charge <3 bc who doesn't love a bit of subby erwin?

he lets you show him the ropes; what you like, what you don't, your kinks, etc.

erwin gladly lets you ride him, and after a moment of getting adjusted, he starts thrusting into you as you bounce on his cock

he gives you lots of kisses wherever he can reach you. your face, your neck, your chest - nowhere goes untouched

he purposely holds back from cumming until you do. he wants his first time to be meaningful, and he feels that hitting his orgasm along with you would be a wonderful way to feel more connected with you

JEAN

jean, like erwin, isn't ashamed of being a virgin. however, he's more afraid of asking for help on how to do things. he wants nothing more than to make you feel cherished during sex, but he's afraid he'll look stupid for not knowing :(

takes on the role of a softer dom

his main goal is to pleasure you as much as possible, and he feels that doing most of the work while letting you relax is the best way to go about it

he's INCREDIBLY scared of accidentally hurting you, but he powers through his fears and decides to just get on with it

since he's inexperienced, he kinda just experiments with different ways of making you feel good

for example, the first time he eats you out, he tries out various techniques. kitten licks, sucking on your clit, fingering you simultaneously - he tests every method he can think of until you both find the one that feels best for you

he's also ALWAYS asking for consent to do things - he won't ever make any advances without your full permission

overall so caring and cute <3

LEVI

to be honest, levi isn't really self-conscious about the fact he hasn't lost his virginity yet

his excuse for it is that being captain of the survey corps takes up all his free time, so sex is never at the forefront of his mind

that is, until you both start dating

levi's never been comfortable with the idea of intimacy unless he really trusts the person, and after a while of your relationship, it's no secret that you fit the bill

before you two ever get intimate, he stops you before you can go any further and reveals to you that he's never done this sort of thing before

communication is key!! he asks you what you're okay with and what you aren't, as well as telling you his boundaries and things he'd like to try

levi believes sex is incredibly important and should be treated as such, which is why he wants to be extra sure that the experience will be good for the both of you, especially considering it's his first time ever

for the most part, he does well at pleasuring you. occasionally you'll have to give him a few gentle pointers here and there, but he gets the hang of things pretty quick

despite his inexperience, he's really good in bed, and that's no exaggeration. he deadass gives you the best orgasms you've had in your life, making you cum over and over again

he just makes it look so easy

[yesimwriting]

Hi! Could I request a story or headcanons with Kirigan and a female reader? They are couple and reader do small cute things for our General to make him feel loved and appreciated? She is a good and kind person and even though she knows what he's doing/done bad things but loves him anyway? We all know he's a villain but we love our Alexander 🖤 Thank you! And If you don't feel like writing it, it's okay! Have a good night/day! 😊

a/n ahh excited for this one bc ive been THINKING about cute things that could be done bc yes he's brooding and evil but also loves the idea of not being alone and having someone care about them despite it all (even though he'd never admit it loll)

also the person that requested this seems so nice,, the gif was very cute :))

----

- ok first off i think it needs to be said that a relationship with Kirigan/the Darkling would have SO MANY ups and downs that getting to the point of being officially together would take so LONG--lots of resentful pining on both ends 

- mainly bc youre like ‘i hate that his eyes are so warm, he’s literally evil’ and he’s like ‘stop looking at her like that, she’s too good to understand what you have to do, and even if she could care about you despite that, she’s a distraction’

- He also lowkey can’t stand you bc of how much he likes you. It makes him feel weak, and you’re just so good that it’s infuriating because he just can’t get himself to believe it. Especially when you don’t shy away from him. 

- but both of you are SIMPS first and foremost, so slowly you and both start to ease up. You both end up getting tired of resisting what you want so you slowly start to allow small things.

- a veryyy slippery slope bc hand brushes turn into hand holding which turns into the occasional hug which turns into more open pining and then before you know it it’s weird if you two aren’t sleeping in the same bed like a married couple. 

- i feel like he wouldn’t have an ‘official relationship’ talk or at the very least, he wouldn’t initiate one. When he has to think about how he feels about you, labels make him flighty bc he likes the freedom of being able to use the feelings of others for personal gain without directly hurting you (he’d never want to cheat bc he doesn’t want the way you look at him to change) but when he thinks of his relationship with you, he doesn’t feel trapped,, 

- you two never start liking each other the way normal couples do,, you’re always snarky but still affectionate. You’ll make a joke about how his late nights working serve him right for scheming so much while he crawls into bed, but you’ll make the joke while pulling him to your chest and combing your fingers through his hair. He’ll tease you about your goodness while tracing idle pattens into your skin. 

- anyways i feel like a relationship with the darkling would definitely be intense,, but like an intense unspoken thing. The closest he ever comes to saying anything about a relationship is when he randomly says something that’s really romantic for NO REASON,, literally always out of normal 

- you’ll be half asleep or waiting for him to react to a story you’re telling him about and he’ll just say something about how he doesn’t understand how he went so long without you or that you’re the only good thing he believes in and then moves on like it’s nothing. 

- anywayss,, i kinda rambled but the complexities of the relationship are important to understanding how you cheer him up. 

- Kirigan is definitely has a thing for gentle, casual touch. He’s an amplifier so he’s used to seeing touch as more than just touch. He always has to look at it tactfully, thinking of what he’s giving. 

- so sometimes, if he’s clearly upset over something, the best thing you can do for him is squeeze his hand or run your fingertips against his bare back. You know he’s furious when he vaguely attempts to resist your reach for him. He always takes it back after,, but it’s not personal. It’s that you soften him so much and when he’s that angry he wants to hold onto it. 

- Speaking of softness, most of your attempts to comfort him are extremlyyy soft so normally you wait to try to comfort him until you’re alone. You’ll normally notice his mood shift the second he enters the room, but you know to wait. 

- sometimes the way you ‘comfort’ him when he seems upset in public, you’ll give him a look that offers so much. It offers silent support (even though you rarely agree with what he wants), it offers to provide him an excuse if he needs to leave, it offers so much warmth that for a moment he forgets the coldness around him

- I think sometimes the best thing you can offer him is your presence, especially if your views don’t align. You’ll just sit/lay with him, holding hands or resting on each other. 

- Sometimes though, he finds a lot of comfort in your voice. You can always tell when he wants you to speak because he’ll ask you questions until you either end up telling him about your day or reading to him. 

- If he’s the emotional kind of upset, like the really touchy, burring his face in the crook of your neck, upset--you’ll comfort him by telling him how much you care about him. He also seems to ease when you remind him that you’re not going anywhere,, no matter what. 

- remember earlier how i said the relationship would be intense and start through mutual, unwanted pining? i think its bc he’s so focused on his goals he’d only let himself be ‘distracted’ if he just couldn’t deny you as the one, bright, comforting thing he has and at one point he just couldn’t deny it anymore

- so a lot of what you do for him centers on letting him soak up your presence bc its his favorite escape