#i just came to this realization and could talk about it for hours
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SEVIKA X CAMGIRL!READER !!
finally convincing your girlfriend to join you on your stream you realize later on how much of a mistake that was..
a/n — i didn’t like how this turned out but enjoy ☺️ it has usage of strap on, overstimulation, and kind of in public because your being recorded
three times a week you stream videos for your viewers in the office of the apartment you and sevika share, wearing the most gorgeous and revealing lingerie as always. just a one hour show gaining you about 200 bucks to just do stuff you and your girlfriend do every night for some randos. when you started dating her you had only just started to test the waters of cam shows and hadn’t gone all in yet, so when you told her about your recent hobby she was surprisingly not against it at all. in fact it’s how the two of you started to explore your sexual relationship with each other, trying out stuff you never thought you would do, but being comfortable with anyway because it was just the two of you. eventually you grew into the routine of your streams and wanted sevika to join you, always whining and pouting about wanting her to play with you but she would always decline, saying it was a nuisance.
however when you asked her to at least watch you she said yes, the show lasting a whopping 20 minutes before she told you to turn it off just so she could have her way with you, messing up all your pretty clothes and leaving you with tears in your eyes. you told sevika how you really wanted her to join you, pleading and letting her do anything she wanted to just so that she would agree. and she actually gave in after a couple of weeks of begging as she usually does because she could never resist when it comes to you, talking over it with her and making sure she 100% was okay with it. the two of you decided to do it next week when she came home from work and you would have a new set of lingerie coming in from the mail, courtesy of sevika as per usual!
when the day came you were nervous for some reason when you were putting together your set up, this routine had became normal to you but now that your girlfriend was joining you - your nerves were on 10. and it wasn’t a bad nervous feeling, no you just know what things people suggest to you in your chatbox and you just know how it might make your girlfriend a bit dramatic and jealous. you hear the front door close and your stream is about to start in 15 minutes, giving you enough time to gather yourself. walking out of the office you greet your girlfriend with open arms to give her a hug, “hi baby.” sevika says, kissing your forehead as the two of you rock together side to side at the doorway. “missed you sevi” nodding into her chest you feel a wave of relief rushing through you when your in her arms and all your nerves come down as you take in her scent.
you guys get started in the room, the stream starting as soon as you hit the red button, you look to sevika to see her leaning back on the desk, watching you set up. “go on.” she mouths to you as she puts out the cigarette she had, taking a gulp you turn on your camera to face you, your viewers flooding in going from 10 to 100 in mere minutes.
you greet them as you always do, of course added with the introduction of your special guest. “on tonights show we do have a special guest so get ready..” turning around you motion for sevika to come closer, walking up to the camera with that sway in her hips as she arrives on the screen.
telling your audience all about your girlfriend and what to expect for the stream, “don’t forget to hit the like button and enjoy the show!” you say as you look back to sevika, seeing her sat in the chair of the vanity that your camera is placed on as she watches you, “c’mere and sit down.” she says and you immediately walk to her with a smile, climbing onto her lap. making yourself comfortable while you hold her face seeing how cute she looks looking up at you, examining your face as she always does until you lower your lips to hers, kissing her so deeply and passionately. your girlfriend raises her arms to your ass as she breaths into the kiss, its always crazy how just a quick make out session could make you soaked and needy for her. and in this moment is when sevika realizes why she declined so many times when you asked her to join the stream, it was just the thoughtless “no.” each time but now she knew why.
she didn’t want to share this side of you with anyone, she didn’t want everyone to see how dumb she would make you by only shoving her tongue down your throat. the pathetic pretty sight of you that only she could make you experience was only for her eyes, deciding to make this quick even if it would end with tears. sevika still had her hands gripping the globes of your ass tightly as the puddle in your panties kept getting damper, moans coming from you as you moved on to your girlfriends neck. sucking and making bite marks all over her while sevika looked at the chatbox, people commenting “that’s so hot..” and other lustful thoughts while they watched you did much more than tick sevika off, making her scrunch her face in annoyance. sevika switches back to you taking your jaw in her hands gently, “lets go to the bed yeah?” making you nod your head while you get up from her lap to prop the camera next to the bed. crawling onto the comforter you face sevika at the end of it, lifting your chin up for a kiss as she slides down her boxers to reveal her strap underneath. it was a black dildo that was about 7 inches long with some girth around it, it was always a struggle to take all of it but sevika makes sure all of it fits every time. “get it nice and wet for me like you always do baby” following you with her eyes as you lower your head down, taking the silicon in your hands as you put it to your mouth giving it kisses at the tip.
taking the whole thing into your mouth stretches your jaw open, sevika bucking her hips forward a bit to force it down your throat a bit more, it makes you gag. gripping at your girlfriends thighs as you suck her dick, tears already trickling from your eyes when the rubber reaches as far as it can in your mouth, taking a bit more than half of it. “there you go baby, just like that.. my pretty girl.” that last part is said while she holds your jaw up to face her, your mouth still filled with her dick inside as she slides it out. by this point you have already long forgotten about your stream, which had previously never ever happened to you before, you were always in control when it came to your streams but sevikas presence in itself is enough to cloud your judgement.
that’s how you know end up laying on your back as you grip and pull at the sheets your currently laying on, with sevikas dick pushing deeper and deeper into your cunt. moans overflowing from your mouth as your stomach tenses,your hips rocking back and forth with your girlfriends large hands holding them harshly. your in missionary position and your lingerie is long gone— facing her but avoiding her piercing eyes by squeezing them shut, a series of pleads coming from your mouth. “hngh vika s’too much!” her name falling out your mouth so easily brings a smile to sevikas face every time face. “such a fucking crybaby, relax..” you don’t know how she can tell you to relax when she’s thrusting into you so hard, hitting that same spot repeatedly that she knows makes you go crazy. moving her hand from your hips sevika brings her fingers to your neglected clit, circling the bud crudely when your hands fly to your mouth.
it’s way too much for you and sevika knows that but it’s what makes it all the more fun for her to watch, seeing you struggle and cry because of her hands on you like this. “don’t cover your mouth, let em hear you c’mon” she says pulling your hands from your mouth, tears welling from your eyes as she holds your hands to her stomach with one hand. “know how much i like to hear that pretty voice..” still rubbing at your bud you feel yourself cumming, your face scrunching up and your chest heaving up and down. “m’cumming sev please..” pleading for her to help you get there, sevika rocks into you deeper as your hips flow together. your so soaked that your cunt can be heard loud and clear on the camera, a harsh plap-plap-plap echoing in the room even though the camera is more than a few feet away from the bed, you can’t even imagine what the people in the chat are saying and you honestly couldn’t care at the moment.
you are too focused on how good sevikas making you feel and it almost makes you forget how to breathe but sevika can just tell how close you were. “yeah you gonna cum for us sweet girl? you love it when im deep inside you like this huh..” she says looking at the camera, turning back to see you nodding your head as your eyes go half lidded, feeling the coil in your stomach snapping with the help of sevikas words. legs quivering on her shoulders you coat the black silicon in your slick, a white ring covering the base. you twitch as your back arches off the bed, sevika watching you with praiseful eyes, if she wasn’t so focused on getting her baby to cum she probably would have came herself.
but she’s “kind” enough to let you catch your breath for a couple of seconds before sliding her dick out of your messy pussy, a uttering cry pulled from your throat as you instinctively close your legs from the loss. she pulls your legs to the edge of the bed as she kneels down on the floor, “open your legs.” is said with a impatient tone, waiting for you to defer to what she told you. “mm sevi I can’t! already came just now, I need a break..” instantly feeling your cheeks get hotter as you watch sevikas face, a stare you don’t get too often but when you do, you know that your doing something your not supposed to be doing. “you know im not gonna repeat myself baby..” a quiet whimper coming from you as you do as your told, shyly opening your legs for your girlfriend. she holds your thighs down to your stomach, they already ache and she hadn’t even begun to torture you yet.
lowering her head down, sevika laps at your soaked cunt, slurping and licking up stripes to your clit. you can’t even attempt to keep your moans to yourself, gripping at the sheets below you as you cry’s fill the room, your babbling to her about how it’s too much while your legs quiver and hesitate to close on sevikas head. “so fucking wet..this is all for me huh baby?” she says as she thrust her fingers into your hole, already soaked from the strap that was deep inside you just moments ago. leaving you panting as she holds your thighs down to the bed, licking up all your slick as if she hadn’t eaten for days, the sight alone was more than enough to make you overwhelmed as you feel yourself cumming again. “vika, vika sevika- please m’cumming again!” you hiccup, gripping at the dark brunettes hair, uncontrollably grinding your messy cunt against sevikas face trying to chase that sweet relief. she rolls her tongue against your clit while leaving trails of praise every time she comes up to kiss at your thigh or look at you, with her focus fixated completely on you as your legs shake around her head, squeezing your teary eyes shut with a cry. “taste so sweet..” is whispered as sevika gets up from in between your legs to give you a kiss on your forehead, “did so good for me baby.” you hear from her, walking over to your camera set up. in the midst of all this you completely forgot you were even filming, your head way up in the clouds of pleasure and you were completely embarrassed. you watch as she grumbles to the camera and signs off of it, walking back to you with a smile. sitting on the edge of the bed with her hand cupping your face while her thumb rubs across the soft flesh of your cheek, “do you usually make 1k everytime you stream? I didn’t know I was missing out on miss celebrity over here.” she says with a chuckle and your just laying there with shocked eyes, you never made that amount of money before for a show, in fact you just barely started to make 200. “and I love you baby but im never doing this again.” your girlfriend says with her stern tone as usual ending with a kiss on your forehead, nodding to her, you knew you were definitely gonna make her do this again.
#sevika x reader <3#sevika x reader#sevika smut#sevika arcane#sevika#I didn’t know how to end this tbh#ok so this is buns but I wanted to get smth out while I work on the logan plinks and my requests 😓😓😓#bear with me#arcane
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triggered
jana x oc
warnings: oc is going through a breakup
get it the fuck together jaz. lock. in.
staring into the mirror, i study every aspect of my face. my curls flow down my back. my face is beat to perfection. the jewelry i have on costs more than my rent.
i should be ecstatic.
i'm living every girls dream.
there are 5000 people outside this bathroom door, chanting my name, waiting for me to give them memories they'll die with.
and yet i'm in here, staring at myself, fighting the urge to say fuck this shit and go home.
my phone dings, and i ignore it, thinking it's my manager, telling me i need to haul ass and get on stage.
but then it dings again.
holly never texts twice.
i pull out my phone and it's paige.
i forgot she's here.
paigey be you. be great.
oh fuck her for that.
now i have to go on.
with a sigh, and a quick tune up in the mirror, i open the door, march to the stage entrance and wait for my que.
the music starts and i walk with all the confidence i can muster and smile at the deafening screams of my name.
jazmin! jazmin! jazmin!
paige is front and center, with all her teammates and azzi.
i used to be the number one pazzi shipper. i fought for this relationship to happen. i practically shoved paige out of the closet myself so that she and azzi could be together.
and now here they are with my face on their shirts and holding each other in their arms and i want to throw up.
not because i don't want them together, but because seeing that makes the loneliness in my chest seem bigger.
i don't even really miss her. i just miss having someone to call at 3 am when i can't sleep. i miss having someone to call first when i get news. i miss having someone to hold.
i guess you could say i miss being in a relationship, rather than the person i was in a relationship with.
"hey guys !" i yell into the mic, and everyone screams. "thank you all for coming out today, i love you all so much!" the crowd is deafening. "i wanna give special shout out to my sister, paige and the other members of the UCONN womens basketball team for being hear today!" the camera pans to paige and the girls, and i do a double take when i see a girl around my age, towering over everyone else. "i love you paigey!" the crowd goes wild.
the concert began and i used my show to work through all the mixed emotions i was feeling, bringing my audience with me through them.
we danced during my verse on my type. laughed during b.s. . cried during none of your concern.
and after an hour and 30 minutes of singing, dancing, crying, and yapping between songs, the concert was over.
and i could a breathe again.
until i was bombarded by my 6'1 sister and her ginormous friends.
everyone told me how amazing i look and sound and how they listen to my music everyday. these are things i hear everyday so i say the same response i say everyday.
"thank you so much."
"aye we're boutta go to a club, you trynna roll with us?" paige asked, rubbing her hands together and looking at her girlfriend, who i'm just now realizing is wearing a semi-skimpy outfit.
so is everyone else, actually.
and now they're looking at me like i can't say no.
so i don't.
"uh yeah!" i chuckle uncomfortably. "just let me change real quick."
*luh time skip*
i'm actually glad i came out.
we got a section. bottles galore. music is booming.
the vibes are actually immaculate. i'm two shots in and kk is twerking in my lap as big boogie talks about taking caramel colored baddie to poundtown. we vibing for real.
i've learned the beautiful girl from earlier is named jana. she doesn't really talk, and i guess she'd too young to drink because she's been babysitting ginger ale all night.
"i'm gonna go get a bottle of casamingo!" i annouce, bouncing up from the counch and stomping down the stair of our section.
when i reach the bar, i pay the bartender and wait for my bottle. but while i'm waiting i hear my name being called and i assume it's a fan, so i turn around with a huge smile, only to be slapped in the face with the sight of my ex-girlfriend, kristen.
she looks exactly the same as she did three weeks ago when we broke up. and for some reason that pisses me off. it makes my blood boil and my breath quicken.
i'm ripped out of my trance when i hear the dj yell, "WE GOT JAZMIN INNA HOUSE!!!"
fuck. he's gonna make me sing.
"COME UP AND GIVE SOMETHING GIRL!" he shouts and everyone screams in agreement.
in a daze, i walk to the stage and grab the mic.
everyone chants,
freestyle freestyle freestyle
and then the dj, who i'm beginning to really fucking hate, plays a beat i've never heard before, leaving me not knowing what the fuck to do.
i look to our section, and see my sister with her phone up, recording. i see azzi giving me thumbs up like the sweetheart she is. i see kk clapping and cheering with everyone else.
i see jana, with a look of fear in her eyes.
like she can tell that i'm freaking fuck out, so she is too.
but i can't go out like this.
so i catch the beat, and sing whatever comes to mind.
saying everything that's been on my mind for weeks now.
"go figure you were the trigger you brought me to an obstructed view when you knew the picture was bigger who am i kiddin? knew from the beginnin you'd ruin everything you do it everytime you are my enemy, you are no friend of mine, muhfucka"
the crowd is loving it, swaying their flashlights to the music. paige looks so proud of me. she knows how i've been struggling since everything happened so i think she knows what a release this is.
i look over to kristen who looks delectable, like always and it's pissing me off because the sex was great, but everything else sucked. but it's been so fucking long and i know that if i had 5 minutes to talk to her earlier i would have been back at square one in that toxic cycle of fucking and making up.
"wanna fuck you right now i just turned the light out know and you know when the sun go down that's when it would all go down been a minute been a while ain't let nobody hit since you hit it i know you always know what to do with it but ain't no me and you without you in it damn i'm boutta burn this bitch down think i need to lie down cause i'm not trynna wild out now. but right now..."
i think of the screaming matches. the broken phone. the hole in my wall.
"don't know what i'm capable of might fuck around and go crazy on cuz might fuck around have to pay me in blood this ain't the way that you want it might catch a case in this bitch don't let m catch you face t face in this bitch trying my hardest not to disrespect you but after what you did, man what you expect? you muhfucka"
i find jana in the crowd because her face is so calming to me, and i don't know why. her eyes are closed and she's just vibing with a small smile on her face.
she's not recording or anything, she's just enjoying the moment, and that warms my heart.
"trynna let the time fly trynna let the time go by trynna let the time heal all trynna let the time kill all of our memories all you meant to me all that's history i'll calm down eventually fall back into me maybe i'm overeacting baby i don't know what happened you know all of my bad habits you know it's hard for me to control that shit man cuz when i get mad i get big mad shoulda never did that, get back in my bag in my feelings i'm a bad lil bitch and uh-"
i look back to kristen, who's wearing a pained expression on her face.
good.
she know it's about her.
"i'm triggered, when i see your face triggered when i hear your name triggered, i am not okay you need to stay out my what triggered when i hear your name triggered i am not okay you need to stay out my way."
and then it's over, and the crowd cheers, and i hurry off the stage, back to my section where my friends all hug me and tell me that it was beautiful.
and when the crowd settles, and i've taken another shot, because i felt entirely too sober, someone taps me on my shoulder.
it's jana.
"can i get your number?"
"huh?" i ask confused as to why she'd want my number.
"uh..." she looks around for a second. "i just wanna pay you back for the bottle."
jana hasn't been drinking.. why would she need to pa-
a light bulb goes off in my head and it all come together.
"here." i hold my phone to hers and our contacts share to each other.
am i ready for this?
probably not.
but.... we gotta start somewhere right?
niyah speaks lawd they got me writing a seriessss
taglist: @patscorner @riyahtheballer @mattslolita @thaatdigitaldiary @janaelalfysblunt @mrsengstler @kmoneymartini @sageworld
@darkskinchristiandiorpostergirl @justliketoreadsowhat @pboogerswbb @pb524830 @dnftpn @sierrale8ne @ohbueckers @mrsarnold @wbbgetsmewetter @paigesbabygirl @ch12334
@pppaaiiiggggeeeeee @uwupaige @paigeluvvr @colorthecosmos444 @authentic-girl03 @makethemhoesmad
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guys, wanna see the commission I wrote for @nshtn !!!!
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Summary: After a long day at the lab, Wesker comes home with a terrible migraine, and you run him a bath to help him feel better :) Warnings: Some slight Yandere themes and possessive behavior, but for the most part this is pure, SFW fluff!
Wesker never would have called himself an “obsessive” man before. Driven, focused, compulsive even, sure. But never obsessive. He wasn’t quite sure when that changed, but he knew that at some point it had. And it had everything to do with you.
Today had been long. It wasn’t often he left you in your shared home alone, but he knew he was on thin ice after the last time you had been to the lab with him. He spent hours coaxing you back into his arms after you saw the true nature of his research, and realized he wasn’t the do-gooder looking for cures that you thought he was. If you had seen what he was working on today, you would have been packing your bags for sure.
Not that you would ever actually be able to leave him. No, he was sure that you both knew that you were in far far too deep for that. But, you being complacent in your imprisonment situation made things a lot easier, for all parties involved. He preferred you that way, anyways. Your love had always been so much sweeter when freely given.
Still, a part of him had wished he had dragged you with him to the lab today anyway, if for no other reason than because your presence just made the day easier. He could feel the tension headache forming at the back of his skull. A soft sigh of relief left him as he entered the home he made for you. He shrugged off his jacket and kicked off his heavy boots, more suited for a battlefield than they ever were for lab work.
He wasn’t shocked when you didn’t come to greet him. Your reaction to his work with the plaga had been…less than ideal. He expected you’d be cold to him for the next few days while you processed it all. Still, he felt your absence acutely in the silence, and it set him on edge. He was used to you talking about, well anything really as you took each other's coats off and made your way to the shower to wash the day off. It had become one of the comforts he didn’t even realize was a comfort until it was gone. His fingers twitched with the need to grab. pull. hold you.
This headache was quickly becoming a migraine. He decided to just call the day here and head to the bedroom, hoping to find you there, and crash for the night. He rubbed his eyes from under his sunglasses as he opened the door, struggling not to flinch at even the soft light of the bedroom.
“Al?” your sweet, soft, voice called and instantly he felt his shoulders relax- even if it was just for a fraction of a second.
He removed his hand from his eyes and gave you a soft smile. You looked so adorable, curled up in his blankets, reading one of the books he bought you, in the bed you shared with him. Safe, was the primary word that came to mind. “Good evening Dearheart, I trust that you had a good day?” he asked.
You ignored him. “What time is it?” You asked as you checked the alarm clock on your nightstand. It was only 3:30. “You’re home early.” You noted. It wasn’t like him to ever leave work early.
He nodded in acknowledgement, not even really bothering to change out of his work clothes before collapsing into the bed. Not like he worked with any samples today. “I wasn’t feeling well, so I left early,” He explained.
He suppressed a smile as you placed your cool hand against his forehead, checking for a fever. “You don’t feel warm,” you muttered, “Another migraine?”
“Heading that way.” He said, pulling you against his chest. You didn’t fight him. You were good like that. He closed his eyes as he focused on your breathing, and the steady thrum of your heartbeat against his own. The world was slowly starting to feel right again. Having you by his side, safe in his arms, was the only way he could feel human whole these days. His soul craved you, and no matter how much he may resent that fact, there was no changing it now.
You nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck, and looked at him through your eyelashes. “You smell like the lab.” You pointed out.
He gave a humorless huff of a laugh. “No doubt. I’ve been in it all day.” He muttered, closing his eyes to try and block out lowlights of the lamps in your bedroom. You hummed and patted his chest, silently requesting to be released.
He held you tighter. No, he wasn’t ready to let you go yet. He just got you back, and you couldn’t even give him five minutes? Ungrateful little-
“Al.” You said softly, patting him again, “I’d like to get up.” He held back a growl. He wanted to tell you no, but…your voice was so soft, and tender. And he knew you still weren’t happy with him. He was trying to sew you back to his side with a very delicate thread, and he had to be careful where he pulled.
So he sighed as he let you go, scowling softly as you got up. He didn’t open his eyes, but he did notice you turn off the lamp for him, and listened as you padded into the ensuite bathroom.
🧬🧬🧬
“Al…” your soft voice cut through the darkness. How long had it been? Had he fallen asleep? “Albert.” You said a bit more forcefully this time, placing a gentle hand on him
“Yes Dearheart?” He finally said, not removing the arm from over his eyes. When did it get there?
“I, uh…I ran you a bath.” You whispered.
He lifted his arm and finally looked at you. Someone took off his sunglasses, he noted. “Did you now?” He asked as he sat up.
“Mmhm” you nodded as you led him to the bathroom. The fresh scent of a douglas fir hit him as he walked in, followed by the realization that the bathroom was only lit with your candles. Fine by him, overhead lights were his enemy at the moment. He stretched out his neck to try and relieve some of the tension there, and as he did you moved to start undoing the buttons of his shirt.
Albert made no move to stop you. He’d always liked when you undressed him. He smirked as you undid his belt, a familiar smirk you knew all too well, joined by a small chuckle.
You couldn’t help the flush that came to your cheeks. “Shush.” you reprimanded.
He returned it with a condescending smile. “I didn’t say anything.” He pointed out.
“You didn’t need to.” You giggled softly as you finished undressing him. Wesker gave your face a loving caress before going and sinking down into the lush bubbles of the warm bath. He was taken a bit by surprise by the jets being on, but quickly came to appreciate them as they started to work the stress knots out of his back.
He didn’t hide his near lascivious grin as he watched you undress. He knew the big bath tub was worth the extra money. His eyes followed even your smallest movement as you got yourself ready for the bath, and lowered yourself into the water next to him. Migraine or not, Albert was quick to pull you close to him, kissing your neck and grinning into your skin at your soft giggle.
Your hands naturally found his hair, carding it in a way that almost seems like muscle memory. His face was still in the crook of your neck as he dragged his teeth over the seemingly permanent bruise he left there. Any time it started to fade, he’d sink his canines into you again, revealing in the way you gasped maybe a little bit too much. It was a sacred ritual for him, as well as an idle pass time. He adored the way you looked covered in his marks, the evidence of his presence in your life almost impossible to ignore.
You hissed a little as his teeth found their home in your neck. He held you tighter, delighting in the way you squirmed as he suckled on the delicate skin there. He pulled back to admire his work, only letting up once he was satisfied that his mark wasn’t going anywhere. Ever the perfectionist.
“Oh, I almost forgot!” You muttered, moving over to the other side of the bath and to the basket of products you kept there, “I wanted you to try this.” You said as you held up a jar.
Albert took a second to read the container in your hand in the dim candle light, his cat-like eyes doing a lot of the heavy lifting here. “A face mask?” He asked, voice unamused.
You nodded, “A hydrating face mask.” You clarified for him.
“And why would I need that?” He questioned. Despite what one might think, Wesker wasn’t big on the whole “self care” thing. He took care of himself of course, but just washing his face at night felt like a more than adequate skin care routine.
You moved back to him. “Because they feel nice,” You explained, “And it’s not a crime to do something just because it’s fun every once in a while.” He found your word choice near comical, all things considered. As if he had ever cared about what the law said before. Still, He closed his eyes, letting you gently apply the mask with your fingers.
He wasn’t expecting the coldness of it, but, it wasn’t entirely unwelcome either. The scent of what could only be described as “clean” mixed with the fir of the candles and the lavender of the bubbles, and Wesker slowly came to the realization that his jaw was unclenched. Now, he had always been a man of science, but some small, secret part of him was sure you had cast some sort of spell to make that miracle happen.
Or, maybe it was just the way you lovingly applied the mask that made it happen. The tips of your bare fingers gliding over the apples of his cheeks and down his nose. You even earned a little huff (That you were reasonably sure was supposed to be a laugh) from him as you booped the tip of his nose.
He heard the soft tap of the container being put to the side, and felt you move behind him. “Now what?” He muttered, careful not to move his mouth too much and disrupt your work, as he leaned back into you.
“Now we wait.” You informed him. Joy. Despite how often he found himself doing it, Wesker had never been a fan of waiting. He was willing to do it to reach his goals, and could in many ways even be described as a “patient” man. Still didn’t mean it was one of his favorite activities.
He nearly jumped when he felt the warm water cascading over his hair. He hadn’t heard you pick up the cup to do so, but he definitely heard you chuckling now. “Sorry,” You said, though anyone could tell you were most definitely not sorry, “I should have warned you.”
He gave an annoyed hum in response, leaning back into you. He was much more prepared for the water this time, and even found himself relaxing as you wet his hair. He heard the soft click of a shampoo bottle opening, followed by the feeling of you working your fingers into his hair. A soft, contented sigh left him as you massaged his scalp. He’d never admit it outloud, or even to himself for that matter, but the feeling of your hands in his hair would always be his favorite feeling in the world.
He tried to remember the last time he felt safe enough with someone to let their hands get this close to his neck while he had his eyes closed. Maybe William? And even then, it was mostly just that he trusted Birkin not to kill him while he slept. If he woke up to his hands in his hair, well…for one that would have been a very awkward conversation to have with Annette, but beyond that he probably would have punched him on reflex alone.
He had never felt the need to keep his guard up that high around you though. You had always been so gentle, so sweet. A soft bunny that had no idea it was playing with ravenous wolves. Perfect for him to model the “comfort” action off of, for lack of better phrasing. He wasn’t sure when it changed. It happened when he wasn’t looking, it went from just another experiment to something more.
He felt that twinge in his chest again. The one he only got when he thought of you. The all too familiar and uncomfortable contraction that reminded him that no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, to run away from the fact, he still had a human heart. A human heart that beat in time with yours, for yours. A human heart that was always more yours than it ever was his.
You were rinsing the shampoo out of his hair now, careful to make sure you got all of it out. His eyes were still closed. “No one’s ever washed my hair before.” He muttered.
“Yeah, that's not shocking to me,” you said, already working the conditioner into his hair, “All things considered.” It was more of an observation to himself, but- he did say it outloud- so he shouldn’t have been shocked by your commentary. He’d never been particularly open about his childhood with you. Mostly because he couldn’t bear the horrified, heart broken look in your eyes when he told you some of the lighter stories. Still, with the little information you had it didn’t take a giant leap of logic to figure out that Albert had spent his younger years isolated. Alone.
Touch starved. Maybe that was why he always leaned into your touch, even the slightest graze. Why he insisted you be in his lap at all possible times. Why he could never really let you be that far away from him.
Why he got jealous of any of the other researchers you spoke to. Why he had to know your location at all times, beyond just “wanting to make sure you’re safe.” Why you had become his own personal chew toy, covered in more “love bites” than you could ever hope to cover. Maybe he was just touch starved and making up for lost time.
His hand found your thigh, giving it a light squeeze. You were both shocked it took him this long to do so. You flinched a little as you felt his nails did into the tender skin, but knew better than to say anything at this point. Wesker's love had always come blood soaked and tinged with pain. You were fairly sure it was the only way he really knew how to love.
His grip loosened before doing any real damage though, so progress was being made on that front. It was just a slow process. While you waited for the conditioner to set in his hair, you grabbed one of the soft rags from the towel bar, wetting it before gently wiping the mask away. He raised a hand to rub his cheek when you were done. You were right, his skin did feel noticeably softer.
Or maybe it was just the placebo effect. Who knows. He opened his eyes slowly, smiling as he saw yours looking back down at him. “Hello Gorgeous.” he hummed to you, smile growing as he watched your face warm up.
“Hey Handsome.” You replied, brushing a stray hair out of his face, “Close your eyes again.” You instructed. For once he did as you said without a fuss, letting you rinse the conditioner out of his hair. “Are you feeling any better?” You asked softly.
He has almost forgotten about the migraine entirely. “Much.” He confirmed, looking back up at you. Normally, he preferred you in his arms. But, he could get used to the inverse too. “Some days I feel like I don’t deserve you, my Dearheart.” He mused, taking your wrist and bringing it to his lips for a kiss. He relished how flustered you got as he did so. He always knew exactly what to say or do to get you worked up, and it was a sight that never got old for him.
“Come on Al, don’t say that.” You shook your head at him, “We both know that’s not true.”
His grin only got wider. He loved it when you played his game with him. You both knew the thought that he wasn’t absolutely entitled to you had never once crossed his mind, let alone the thought that he might not deserve you. But, you’d both hide behind the nicer interpretation of your words. “Will you be staying in the bedroom with me tonight?” he asked.
He didn’t have to put any emphasis on the “with me” for you to feel it. You had slipped off to sleep in the guest room last night after he had fallen asleep. An act of defiance that he would normally never let slide, purposefully ignored. He knew you were struggling with what you had seen in the lab, and had learned from you to give space when things such as this happened.
But you both knew he was tired of giving space. And it hadn’t even been a full twenty four hours yet. You were quiet for a moment, before you nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be in there with you tonight.”
“All night?” He didn’t mean for there to be that much edge to his voice, but after a long day he was done masking.
You nodded again. “All night.”
He smiled, reaching up and pulling you down for a quick kiss. “That's my good Bunny.” He praised, eliciting a delightful smile from you. You were still his, no matter what you had seen in that lab. You’d always be his, the red string of fate tangled and twisted around your necks, keeping you together no matter the circumstances.
The water had gone tepid, and the froth of the bubbles had long since dissipated. He stood, holding out a hand to help you up. The bath was drained in favor of a quick shower, mostly to rinse away any remaining suds. As you stepped out, he wrapped a warm fluffy towel around you, a tender act that you returned in kind.
You brushed his hair, telling him it was part of the “full princess treatment.” He allowed it, if for no other reason than it was yet another reason for you to play with his hair. He insisted on brushing yours as well, saying you deserved the “full princess treatment” just as much as he did. And yes, it was a thinly veiled excuse to play with your hair.
Relieved from the migraine, the two of you were able to indulge in a movie to continue winding down for the night. He still insisted on cooking, being very vigilant of your diet. Nutrition was important, and he was a pretty good cook all things considered. He happily made your favorite before settling in to watch…
Whatever it was you put on. Honestly, he wasn’t really paying attention. He was far more occupied with the adorable pet on his lap, showering you with kisses and affection. Wesker was a fair man, he returned the treatment given to him. To the best of his ability. And he was more than happy to lavish you with his attention and praise. He didn’t realize just how much he missed you today until now.
He wasn’t going to do that again. If today had been any indication, even when you were scared of him, you still wanted to take care of him. Perhaps he had underestimated your tolerance for his work. Maybe you just needed to see more of it. Build up a tolerance via exposure. You’d come to see things his way eventually. You’d have to.
Before you knew it, he was holding impossibly close, against his chest, in bed, as if he was scared that if he let up you might disappear. A not impossible outcome, considering the night before. He buried his nose in your hair, getting lost in the familiar scent as he seemed to hold you just a little bit tighter. “I adore you, Dearheart.” He finally mumbled to you.
“I love you too, Al.” you promised, reaching out and turning off the lamp for the night.
______________________________________________________________________________
A/N: AHHSDFHCDHIUHDVHV9UPAH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY!!!!!!!!! Thank you, so so much for commissioning me to do this, it has in fact, made me smile bunches! I just love writing for my lil Weskee.
Bonus! The song that has the lyric the fic was named for: Human Zoo - Aphrodite, Your Electric Sexiness ft. Will Wood (Animated Lyric Video)
#albert wesker#resident evil#albert wesker x reader#wesker x reader#albert wesker fluff#wesker x reader fluff#resident evil fluff
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"Always."
lando norris x gn!bf!reader
notes: I haven’t written since 2019, so bear with me. I’ve found myself thinking about a little blurb for Lando recently (actually a lot of ideas, but this one is sticking with me more than the others at the moment).
For some context, Lando’s been receiving a huge amount of hate online (and in-person) recently. I haven’t been a fan for that long—I got into F1 this summer, in 2024—but I’ve grown to care about him. I was there for Lando losing the championship, and while I think we all knew it would come to this (Max winning felt inevitable) but I’m proud of Lando for pushing so hard this entire year.
Still, with all the hate directed at him, I’m seeing a new side of him, and I’m learning that he’s a person with feelings like anyone else. I can tell he doesn’t always have the highest opinion of himself and tends to take the blame for anything that goes wrong during his races. What struck me about this is how much I relate to it. I blame myself for things out of my control or when I mess up. What sucks with Lando is that his small, human errors are what so many people focus on to criticize him—whether it’s why he didn’t win the championship or why they think he’s a bad person (which he absolutely isn’t).
The inspiration for this came from an interview he did after the Brazilian GP. At that point, everyone knew it was almost mathematically impossible for Lando to win the championship, and he talked about struggling in the aftermath: “I literally couldn’t sleep for the first two days…So I did like, what, 36-40 hours straight. So that probably made everything worse. When you’re tired, you’re more moody, and that kind of thing…I was just sat at home alone. It probably would have been better if I had been with my friends. But they don’t live in Monaco. They also have lives and are busy doing other things. And I’m a big overthinker, so like the whole flight home, the whole week, it just played over and over in my head. What could I have done differently? Why did I do that? Why did I not do this? You start thinking of all the scenarios that you kind of blame yourself for, why it’s now not possible, that kind of thing. And yeah, because I overthink and I struggle with that kind of thing, that took a bigger toll in the days after. It wasn’t an easy time.”
And I keep on finding myself wishing someone could have been there for him in person, so that he was okay. So, I wrote this. The reader in this is dating Lando but is written as a gender-neutral character that uses They/Them pronouns. The reader also has a service dog, a Bernese Mountain Dog named Thunder, to help with their own depression and anxiety (I’m not an expert on service dogs, so this many not be 100% accurate).
They woke up that early morning to the sunlight shining on their face, streaming in from the window outside. The bliss of sleep clung to them as they lay there, cocooned in warmth, the covers snug around their body. They stretched lazily, blinking their eyes open.
Instinctively, they turned to look beside them—only to find the space next to them empty. It’s too early in the morning to be anywhere else but in bed, even for training, they thought. Lando should still be here.
The realization pulled them out of their sleepy haze. The past couple of days had been not kind to Lando. They knew that he had a tendency to keep his feelings bottled up and beat himself up over his perceived failures. They understood that feeling all too well—the guilt, the constant sense of disappointment, the nagging thought that were never good enough. They had wrestled with those feelings since they were a child.
It wasn’t something that had an easy fix. If they had found the answer, they would have shared it with Lando years ago. But they had learned that the best way to fight those thoughts wasn’t isolation. Talking to someone, writing feelings down, even simple positive affirmations—thought they might sound silly—could help push back against the negative spiral. They had told Lando this countless times.
But Lando had a problem with not wanting to “inconvenience” anyone with his emotions. No matter how many times they reassured him that they were always there for him, he struggled to let himself. They didn’t blame him—it was human to struggle against your own mind.
What made everything worse was the constant online hate. Every little mistake or sarcastic comment from Lando seemed to turn into an avalanche of criticism. They remembered the first time they’d seen him like a hateful comment about himself on Instagram—the little heart next to a cruel statement, paired with note: “Creator liked this.” It had broken their heart. How could the Lando they loved ever believe such awful things about himself?
After Brazil, it had been clear that he wasn’t okay. He’d barely spoken since coming home, choosing instead to himself. They had given him space, hoping he’d find a way to process his feelings. But by the second morning, when he still hadn’t come to bed—almost forty hours after returning home—they knew they couldn’t stand by any longer.
That morning, they rose slowly from the bed, a plan beginning to form in their mind. Lanod needed someone to step in—someone to remind him he didn’t have to face his struggles alone. They were determined to be that person for him. They couldn’t take it anymore, seeing the person they loved so badly, punishing himself over his ‘failures.’
The first step was to confirm where he was. Grabbing their phone, they opened Twitch and navigated to Max’s stream. After a few moments of watching, they heard Lando’s voice—tired, strained, but unmistakably his. He was joking with Max, his words clipped, like he was holding himself together with sheer willpower. It was enough to break their heart. They opened their messages with Max.
Thunder's Owner
Lan’s streaming with you rn?
Sent at 7:48 AM.
After a few seconds, Max replied.
Maximilian
Yeah he’s on voice-only.
Sent at 7:50 AM.
Gonna do something about him?
Sent at 7:50 AM.
Max knew. Of course he did. He probably heard the exhaustion in Lando’s voice, the edge self-loathing that came with overthinking. They typed back quickly:
Thunder's Owner
Yeah
Sent 7:52 AM.
Going to unplug his setup and drag him out of there.
Sent 7:52 AM.
Maximilian
Lol.
Sent 7:52 AM.
I’ll keep an eye out for when he disappears.
Sent 7:53 AM.
Thunder's Owner
Thx
Sent 7:54 AM.
They quietly made their way to Lando’s gaming room and eased the door open. Lando sat at his desk, controller in hand, headset clamped over messy curls. He looked worn down, his shoulders slumped as he focused on the screen. His voice through, muted put playful, as he bantered with Max.
For a moment, they just watched him. Even now, he was handsome, but the tiredness in his expression made their chest ache. He deserved rest. He deserved to feel okay. And he wasn’t going to get that by sitting here punishing himself.
As soon as Lando died in-game and leaned back in his chair, they seized the opportunity. They crossed the room, catching his attention when they came into view.
“Why’re you—” Lando began, frowning, but they didn’t let him finish. Reaching down, they unplugged everything from the wall.
“What the hell—” he exclaimed, spinning around in his chair.
“No,” they said firmly, cutting him off. “I’m not you hurt yourself anymore. Get up.”
Lando blinked, clearly taken aback. “You can’t just do that!” he protested, but they were already tugging gently at him arm, urging him out of his chair.
“Angel, what are you—”
“No,” they repeated, their voice steady. “Get up,”
Lando hesitated for a moment before letting out a resigned sigh and standing. They took his hand, leading him out of the gaming room and down the hall to the living room. He didn’t resist, but he followed like a man in a daze. Once they reached the couch, they turned to him. “Sit,” they said, pointing at the cushions. Lando raised an eyebrow, opening his mouth to argue, but they shook their head. “Stay.”
They turned to Thunder, who had been waiting for them in the hallway, and told him, “Thunder, guard,” while pointing at Lando.
The dog immediately moved into position, standing alert in front of the couch. Lando’s eyes widened slightly as Thunder fixed him with an unblinking stare. He shifted as if to get up, but Thunder’s stance didn’t waver.
“Jeez, I wasn’t going to get up,” he mumbled to Thunder, but Thunder just sat there and watched him until he fully relaxed back into the couch.
The thought ran through Lando’s head, how he had honestly forgotten how menacing his own dog could look. He knew Thunder was trained, saw reminders of it daily with how he interacted with his partner, but he was still shocked at how trained Thunder really was at that moment.
Thunder was still staring at him when he pulled out his phone from his pocket, opening up his texts with Max.
LN
I was just dragged out of my gaming room and told to sit on the couch and like a dog.
Sent at 8:05 AM.
Not against it, but how tf did they get so determined?
Sent at 8:05 AM.
Thunder’s watching me right now.
Sent at 8:06 AM.
I forgot how menacing he could be.
Sent at 8:06 AM.
*Picture attached.*
Lol.
Sent at 8:06 AM.
Max (The 1st One)
He’s like ‘try me, I dare you’
Sent at 8:06 AM.
LN
Yeah, I don’t particularly want to try him
Sent at 8:07 AM.
Max (The 1st One)
Lol.
Sent at 8:07 AM.
They told me before they did it
Sent at 8:07 AM.
I just let them. Lol.
Sent at 8:07 AM.
LN
Helpful. What if they were trying to kill me?
Sent at 8:08 AM.
They wouldn’t have had to if you kept doing what you were doing.
Sent at 8:09 AM.
Lando’s let out a quiet sigh, Max’s words sinking in. He glanced at Thunder, who hadn’t moved, and felt a pang of guilt. He’d pushed himself too far again, and this time it had clearly worried his partner.
A few minutes later, his partner walked back into their living room. He thought they looked beautiful, wearing one of his old t-shirts and a pair of boxers. They were entirely focused on the bowl they were carrying, and only looked up when they got close enough to hand it to him. He gently took the bowl, looked into it and saw it was one of his prep meals. While not his favorite breakfast, he knew he just needed to eat first, so he started taking bites.
He glanced up every so often, and each time he did, his partner was just sitting there and watching him eat. Lando almost chuckled at his own thought that they looked just like Thunder when watching him, and he smiled into his bowl at the thought. His partner didn’t see his smile, but he continued to eat until he had finished the bowl.
When he was done eating, he set the bowl down, and his partner again pulled him up by the crook of his arm. He just let them do so, having a thought of what was going to happen next.
His partner led them both down the hallway to their bedroom, and opened the door, leading him to sit on their bed, then they turned around and went to close their blinds and draw their black-out curtains to cover up the sunlight from the window. They had turned on their bedside lamp earlier, and the soft orange glow of the lamp permeated the room. They walked past him again, going to close the door after letting Thunder in, then they walked back to their side of the bed, and pulled him to lie down against them.
As he settled against their chest, he felt a bit odd, it being a bit of a difference to feel how much he was loved by them. How much they cared for him. And he finally spoke again, “Thank you.”
“Always, Lan. Always.” They replied, pressing a kiss to his hair.
And for the first time in days, he let himself sleep.
author's note: got inspired to actually write something for once...ty @koalapastries for the inspiration (unknowing inspiration but ty) (also sorry for using your layout outline
comments & reblogs appreciated
and i made the dividers :)
#formula 1 x gn reader#formula 1 x male reader#formula 1 x reader#f1 x reader#f1 x gn!reader#lando norris x reader#lando norris#lando x reader#lando x you#f1 x you
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Thinking about the fact that the reason why Crowley changes styles so much, as opposed to Aziraphale, is because he loves everything humans do. He is so full of love that every new thing excites him. And while Aziraphale might perceive that as his nature being fickle, that he can move on faster, it is anything but that. Crowley is so devoted to humanity that she tries to blend in with every era shes in, to find love in every new thing humanity has to offer her. Crowley doesnt love too little; she loves in abundance in a world that has rarely ever loved her back the same way.
#i just came to this realization and could talk about it for hours#not saying aziraphales love is lesser by the way#its just different#and thats what they dont seem to understand (yet)#crowley is a being of love through and through…#aziraphale#crowley#good omens#good omens theory#good omens season 2#gomens#not art
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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A Cooking Egg by T.S. Eliot
En l'an trentiesme de mon aage Que toutes mes hontes j'ay beues
Pipit sate upright in her chair Some distance from where I was sitting; Views of the Oxford Colleges Lay on the table, with the knitting.
Daguerreotypes and silhouettes, Her grandfather and great great aunts, Supported on the mantelpiece An Invitation to the Dance.
. . . . .
I shall not want Honour in Heaven For I shall meet Sir Philip Sidney And have talk with Coriolanus And other heroes of that kidney.
I shall not want Capital in Heaven For I shall meet Sir Alfred Mond: We two shall lie together, lapt In a five per cent Exchequer Bond.
I shall not want Society in Heaven, Lucretia Borgia shall be my Bride; Her anecdotes will be more amusing Than Pipit's experience could provide.
I shall not want Pipit in Heaven: Madame Blavatsky will instruct me In the Seven Sacred Trances; Piccarda de Donati will conduct me …
. . . . .
But where is the penny world I bought To eat with Pipit behind the screen? The red-eyed scavengers are creeping From Kentish Town and Golder's Green;
Where are the eagles and the trumpets?
Buried beneath some snow-deep Alps. Over buttered scones and crumpets Weeping, weeping multitudes Droop in a hundred A.B.C.'s.
#this poem is from the same era as prufrock but isn’t as well known#it's a shame because i could talk about it for hours#once you've read and explicated it within a framework of literary & historical & biographical context you can have fun interpreting it#sometimes i'll read it with trans goggles on#works like syncing dark side of the moon to the wizard of oz#it's not just about the title--the narrator is somebody who is indefinitely postponing transition. the inanity of hatching into a dull bird#he is assuring himself that when he dies none of it will matter. he won't feel ugly or lonely or bored or stupid#but the dismissal of pipit and her simplicity pivots into the bittersweet realization that he's given her up for nothing.#that he was happiest before he came to think of her as vulgar & resented himself for wanting her#the world will end all the same and all he'll ever have is joylessness and the absence of pipit#t.s. eliot#poetry#i read much of the night and go south in the winter
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i must say i did not expect getting a chronic illness diagnosed would be of any help, i thought it wouldn't matter since ive already had it unknowingly for 2 years, but it's actually quite helpful... I suddenly can hardly remember the feeling of having moments where I can't do anything because of my fibromyalgia, which is nice☺️☺️ Without it it feels I can be more optimistic.
But at the same time I can't help but feel the dread of having to take antidepressants for the rest of my life so i can get close to functioning like a normal person. I am quite dependant on them to go through the day without pain and be able to sleep properly. Something about that makes me feel a bit lonely😓😓
#i talk!!!#this one is. a bit of a downer as well as positive#like mostly the effects have been positive antidepressants really do help me a lot#it made me realize heavily that my previous lifestyle was. completely abnormal and I just convinced myself it wasnt#Ive also been able to take things more calmly since I'm now conscious stress is what causes pain to flare up#but at the same time im hit with the dread that im reliant on meds to function and will be for the rest of my life😓😓#it only came to me right now because i forgot to take my anti depressants when i woke up#so the brief hours where i wasnt under its influence i felt weak in pain and with an awful headache#and something about the concept of me being reliant on meds otherwise I'll feel that way makes me really sad#i wish being normal was a thing i could achieve without meds#fibromyalgia
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#not 2 be like. negative but i just kinda got hit hard by the way my relationship w my best friend has changed#dont get me wrong i understand that her girlfriend will be super important to her esp bc she lives across the world and is only physically#here for another 2 or so weeks#but my best friend just got back from a trip to another city to see an artist she loves and as she came in i got up to go see her and ask hl#how it was but she was in her room w her gf before i could and thats fine i get it and like she hasnt done anything wrong i can not#emphasize that enough like i hold no bitter feelings to her she is excited to talk to her gf understandably#it just hit me that like. oh yeah. i have no one else that i go to about literally anything but she does#and its less ab her so much as its. its just hitting me that i dont really have? friends?#i have one or two people but like. i only have One Person thats my go to fave person always tell them everything#and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be#and that i think is just like a part of growing up#i dont have a partner i dont have someone my life is intrinsically linked to#like a best friend is great but its not. relationships are placed to a higher level you know like its jusy more important#and i just. ive nevr Had a partner really. unless u count a like 2 month thing when i was 12 which i dont count#not to be depresso but i am just not the kind of person that people want or desire#and thats been the case long before i came out as trans but its extra complicated now since i dont. Fully pass#idk not 2 sound sad i just wanna be loved#and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls#and then never actually get told anything myself. not just ab things shes excited for but just in general#we were meant to go to a house viewing together a few days ago and it was only half an hour before it was happening when no one else was#home that i messaged them to check in and they were like oh yeah we're not going we have this and this going on#which like. fine whatever but i dont drive and getting anywhere fast is hard so it just. was stressful#but it just seems like i am constantly out of the loop. everyone i live with is in a relationship w each other and i am just here#in every aspect of my life i am Just There and im tired of it#not to sound desperate or needy but i just would like to. be noticed? or feel prioritized? or even wanted#idk this is. i just needed to rant i think im emotional bc my hormones r a bit wack#im due for my testosterone shot in a few days but i dont have the money or time to go to the doctors lately so its being pushed back#a few weeks and its just. i think its messing w me a bit#i mean i feel this way literally all the time but just the like. the being upset and emotional and posting ab it i think is bc of that#idk i needed to get it out idk it this will stay up or not
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The number one thing that sucks about me making aus is that they are so intrinsically linked with the playlists I make for them, like,,,, I really feel like ur not getting the whole experience if ur not also listening to the playlist for all the stuff I don't know how to draw in a way that makes sense/dose it justice
#trash rambles#yes im realizing that this is silly for sonic aus but yall..... i put a little bit too much of myself in every story i write regardless if#the characters are from my own imagination#like i dont think yall understand just how much i wish people would ask me about specific songs in my playlists#not even just the au ones tbh#im just saying you dont make a 30 hour playlist for your favorite character without songs that dont make sense to other people#yes im talking about how ptolemaea is on the mephiles playlist and how i could ramble about why for hours#and im also talking about the ghost au playlist bc its like 90% vibes and ghost love songs and then 10% lore songs and tbh all the lore#songs sound really blatant and obvious to me but im biased bc i came up with the lore lol#im just SAYIGN#i wish i was better at telling stories#idk#part of the reason i havent updated/worked on knights honor in over a year is bc even though i have this and the next few chapters thought#out i have no actual idea where the story is going and i dont know how ill end it if i do#bleh ok ill stop rambling now
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i think i've finally come to understand why i'm so bad at communicating with friends 👍 at one point or another i've thought i was in love with every single person i've ever been friends with (for the most part, at least) because i don't expect other people to like me. OBVIOUSLY this is not true but platonic feelings are not dissimilar to romantic ones (baseline they're the same: you want to love and be loved by someone) but i always end up realizing that i'm not in love with them, just that they matter to me very much and i wouldn't know what do to w/o their presence in my life. BUT this brings me to facet number 2 of my awful communication skills: i hate it when things Get Real. i find myself retreating any time it seems like Something Could Change in my day-to-day life due to them being around and "forcing" the change. i run away from talking to one of my only irl friends on almost a daily basis bc i dread the idea of having to do anything she might want me to do. i think, at the end of the day, my problem might just be that i don't want to change... ANYWAYS
#i actually think the funniest example of this comes from the irl guy friend i think i actually DO have romantic feelings for#i never used to have feelings for him but i always kind of nursed the idea of such a thing (as i said i think i could be in love with most#friends before i realize i'm not - but with him specifically i never had a moment where i realized i... wasn't?) also my previously#aforementioned irl friend kind of insinuated he might have feelings for me or we might end up with one another and now every time i think#abt him i think about THAT so.#anyways a few years ago he came by my house and picked me up and we got ice cream and talked for hours bc we have a lot in common#and he actually manages to keep in contact with me despite how hard it is (how hard i make it) to talk to me on a consistent basis lol#like we don't talk a LOT but he's also the one who convinced me to contact my former other irl best friend that i hadn't talked to in 6 yrs#anyways back to what i was talking abt from a few years ago... it was 4 yrs ago at this point but after the ice cream - i got a job#and we talked a lot - he took me and my irl bff out but she had a HUGE fight with her bf and he tracked her down and it was. a disaster#but after that they made up (lucikly she broke up with him not too long after lmao) but me and him were put in the middle of it#and anyways we went to the mall with the annoying couple LMAO but we broke off and it was just... really nice to be with him?#and then we went to walmart and rented a movie and went back to my irl's apartment and i tried to dye his hair in her bathroom LMAO#and it just felt really natural to be close to him and whatnot. we really get along and i really don't dislike him and i'm not NOT into him#but yeah anyways a few days later he messaged me and asked if he could pick me up from work but i told him no because at that point i was.#afraid. because i had a dream that i had kissed hik and he turned into rick sanchez and drowned LMFAOOO IT SOUNDS RETARDED BUT.#like i think the point of the dream was that if i showed him that i had some kind of feelings for him he would change or die or disappear?#i always assume the worst. but yeah the dream literally put me off so bad that i cut contact with him for almost 2 years#because i was afraid of him and i was afraid of my life changing#idk. maybe i should give it a try now. i'm still scared but you never know.#i at least wanna say 'thanks' for him convincing me to message my friend from 6 years ago so 🤷♀️ who knows
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my mom sitting there nodding along to my very emotional retelling of how i was chased by my classmate (actually my crush but she doesn't have to know that) who kept shoving a dead lizard in my face in ninth grade
#tp#might sound silly now but i genuinely felt like i was about to die from the stress of it#i hated him after that#he deliberately did that because i told them i was scared of lizards#had the gulls to laugh at me losing my absolute shit too that bastard#laugh as i shove the stick higher up your ass then how bout it#i could have grabbed a chair and given him a high five with it on his face#but being the bigger person i am i just cried in the bathroom afterwards bye 🚶🚶#and then i realized i was being bullied 😭😭 took me a while to clock that#i cant believe i used to like him im so done actually#comparing him and the guy im now very much enamoured by ... the difference is in the actions#god he bought me overpriced coffee at ten in the night outside bc he thought i could need company#and he was RIGHT goddamn it that guy#'i didnt know if you liked it with sugar or not so i brought two just in case' are you shitting me you're an angel#walked me around and talked me out of feeling like utter shit for two whole hours god im falling for my quote unquote therapist friend#i havent seen him for four five months im going through withdrawal#and then when we were back at the hotel and i stayed up reading a book at the lobby he came down and said he would sit with me#and he would stay awake just in case because he noticed a creep at our floor im going to fucking SOB#and obviously i couldnt make him stay up for me so i said okay i would go back to my room so he wouldnt have to worry#AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID???#he made sure i entered my room and closed the door safe and sound before going back down the hallway to his ⁉️⁉️#DO YOU NOT SEE HOW PERFECT HE IS
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asshole commenter didnt reply to my thing so. ????? guess they just decided to leave it at that????
#speculation nation#i'd like to think me pointing out both the objective falsehoods they were saying#as well as laying out in detail how i came to my own interpretations of akechi's character#(albeit in an abridged way. i could ramble for Hours on analysis of his character. and have. lol.)#maybe this made them reconsider replying???#like Perhaps realizing they werent exactly in the right here#like ya kno different interpretations happen. if u wanna assume akechi's an irredeemable monster i cant stop you#i just cant get over the fucking. 'wakaba was uncommonly saintly for a single mother in japan'#& saying for sae that 'he constantly belittles or tricks into giving him food while plotting to kill her and pin it on the Thieves'#literally what are you TALKING about?????????#aside from the objective incorrect claim that he was plotting to kill her & frame the phantom thieves for it#he's a teenager??? like???? yea he's obnoxious puppydog eyes about it but he's literally a teen & she's an adult#there's no 'tricking' her into buying food for him lmao. she's an intelligent woman and she can tell if she's being 'tricked'#this is literally just her teenage coworker mooching off her for food. it's not that weird.#& belittling her?? he makes One kinda snide comment about 'stress being the enemy of beauty' but it's One line#and not even that big of a deal. she just brushes it off. other than that he really shows constant respect for her#talking to her. listening to her opinions. he's really more gracious with her than he is with Most people#honestly that whole comment was just like. What the fuck are you Talking about#'i do like akechi as a character' 'you have to interpret his backstory in the most favorable light for him to be anything other than#a deeply monstrous man.' like Geeze agree to disagree. also are you sure you like him#bc you sound really angry about him actually#like GEEZE i never said he was a good person. he's done a lot of awful shit & has a rude and bitchy personality#but there are good qualities to him too. and he loves so deeply that it corrupted him (in his pursuit for revenge for his mom)#(which is. at its core. anger due to how things happened with her. born from LOVE for her. see the theme here?)#anyways im gonna just let it rest after this (assuming they dont reply again) bc i dont wanna exhaust myself#i was just utterly astounded by how badly they misinterpreted like Every facet of his character. like. Ok.
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#tag talk#vent#wow okay so turns out my psychiatrist didn't ghost me she just put in the med refills without telling me#so I was waiting for her to message me back like a fucking idiot because expecting professional communication is apparently too much#I genuinely think I might cry I'm so fucking... not even mad. just incredibly let down#the autistic realization that you do in fact have to do everything yourself because you can't trust anyone to give you the support you need#you have to put in the extra work constantly just to survive because the environment is so incredibly hostile without even meaning to be#I didn't know I needed to check my prescriptions again. I didn't realize she would just add a refill without telling me.#the thought never crossed my mind. so I accepted my fate and experienced three weeks of hell#and I'm such a fucking doormat that the strongest word I could use to describe it to her was “interesting”.#I laughed and brushed it off like it was nothing because I was too afraid to say “I went through hell and you're responsible”#and I know my best option is to just suck it up and go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared to#I'm so fucking scared of going back on. getting it in my system. and then somehow getting cut off again#scared of relying on anything but myself because I know it'll just let me down again#I genuinely felt the worst I've ever felt. not just physically. my brain was on fire.#my brain was burning and all I knew to do was endure the pain without saying anything.#because I didn't know that I should follow up. I didn't know how to navigate the system. and I suffered for it.#self advocacy is so necessary but it's so fucking difficult and scary#and I laugh and joke and pretend to be this confident easy-going careless persona when I'm really not#I'm fucking terrified of bothering people or upsetting them.#I had a whole grand speech in my head about how I would hold her accountable for this mistake#and then the moment came and all I could do was laugh it off out of fear.#and all I can do is cry about it and feel like a fucking failure#I know I should go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared I don't want to feel like that ever again#I lost who I was. I lost my sense of self. my body stopped working in any of the ways it's supposed to#I've only just now come out of emergency power mode and I'm terrified of it happening to me again#I've been sleeping a ton recently. I'll wake up really early in the morning and then work on going back to sleep#my body is a machine and I've learned the proper input codes to make myself go to sleep#but I'm back to depression napping for 12-16 hours. entering recovery mode and trying to fix the damage I've experienced#I keep having really bad nightmares though. I know I need the sleep so I put up with it but it sucks so fucking much
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Simon hated the tapping out ceremony. Ever since he first had to partake in one, he despised it. With no family and very few friends, he was usually the last on the field, waiting until one of his superiors would tap him out. But he couldn’t skip them either.
So there he was. The sun was beating down on the hundreds of soldiers lined up in neat little rows, standing at attention while they waited for their loved ones. And they came quickly. One soldier after the other was tapped out by their parents, siblings, spouse, and sometimes even children. But he stayed still, watching the happy reunions out of the corner of his eyes. Watching the tears and hugs and kisses. He envied the others; he was jealous of what they had, and he didn’t. But Simon had always been good at following orders, so he didn’t move, barely even blinked as he was surrounded by happiness, while he drowned in his own sorrow.
After an hour, there was only one other soldier left. Simon had barely interacted with him, but he knew his face. And just when Simon thought he wouldn’t be the only one without someone to tap him out this time, a crowd of eight people moved toward the soldier. At the front was an older-looking woman, her brown hair streaked with grey and lines on her face, indicating her age. Around her were people of all ages and genders.
“My son!” The woman let out a sob as she finally threw her arms around the soldier’s neck, causing the man to chuckle, as he hugged her back. “I missed you too, mama.”
One by one, he talked to the people surrounding him, hugged them, and kissed them. Simon couldn’t help but watch, bile rising in his throat as jealousy threatened to overtake him. And as he watched, he couldn’t help but imagine himself in the soldier’s stead. Surrounded by a happy, loud, and loving family. People who were happy to see him. Nowadays, the only people he could call family were the guys from the 141, and they were away on a mission. Still, in his mind, the scene played out. His mother, smiling, rushing toward him. Followed by his brother and his wife, carrying his nephew.
The daydream was interrupted by someone walking toward him. He expected it to be his superior, there to finally release him from the nightmare. But it wasn’t.
A young woman took timid steps in his direction. Her eyes, bright but filled with sadness. Not her own sadness, though, it was sadness she felt for him. He didn’t react, didn’t move, didn’t blink. She came to a stop in front of him, gazing up with a frown.
“Is someone coming?” Simon hesitated before giving an almost invisible shake of his head. She gasped, it was quiet and he barely heard it, but he felt it. In every bone, he felt her sadness and the sorrow she carried for him. Slowly, as if not to startle him, she lifted her hand, until it was inches away from his chest. “Is…is this okay?” When he gave a slight nod, she gently pressed her hand against his chest, finally tapping him out.
A breath he didn’t realize he had been holding escaped him as he finally turned to properly look at the woman. She was still gazing up at him, a soft smile now replacing the frown on her face.
“Thank you.” She nodded in response before glancing back at her family. When she looked back at Simon, she looked determined. “We’re going out to eat dinner if you’d like to join us?” Simon was about to decline when someone called out to him.
“Oi! Ghost!” He looked up and saw the soldier, now facing him, an arm wrapped around his mother’s shoulder. “Let’s go; my mom says dinner’s on us!” Without waiting for a response, he turned around and started walking toward the car park, his entire family in tow. Simon kept looking after him until a soft, small hand slipped into his own. He glanced down and found the woman smiling up at him.
“Come, my mom doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.” And with those words, the woman gently led him to follow her family.
Part 2
A/N: This will be a two-parter. I hope you liked it!
#ghost#ghost x reader#ghost fanfiction#ghost cod#cod#cod fanfiction#cod x reader#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley fanfiction#simon riley#ghost simon riley#simon riley x reader#simon ghost x reader#fanfiction#angst
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Time-in
Kinich is not the most humble guy when it comes to setting hours to Ajaw's timeout and Ajaw hates it to the core. He hates it so much that he counts every single second until he can leave that stupid place and Kinich knows it, which is why he almost always prepares to have the pixelated dinosaur flying around him, screaming how reliefed he is to be out again... but not when he's fucking you.
Kinich is raw. He'll fuck you for hours in many kind of positions until he's made sure that your are full of him without emiting a single, clear moan. It's all whispers of praise and hums done inside his throat. It's not because he doesn't enjoy that kind of activity, he actually enjoys it like you're gonna die tomorrow, after all, he even manages to lose track of time, no matter how perfect he is with timing.
"Ahhh!!! Feels so good to be out aga-" Little Ajaw suddenly popped out from Kinich's back very excited to be out, but before he could start doing little 'celebration' dance where he’d just twerk his buttocks around, the scene and sounds below him made his whole tiny body freeze, to a point where half his forehead was blue due to the shock.
"A-Ajaw..?!" You moaned his name out in despair, using all the strength you had left to try angling your intimate body parts away from Ajaw's big eyes, but you can’t ‘un-view’ things unfortunately.
Kinich didn't even realize Ajaw's presence at first, so he got confused when you said that and turned to his back him right away, already ready to act tough on the poor dinosaur who was witnessing raw human breeding.
"Leave." Kinich scolded him with an annoyed voice tone, trying to censor your body from him by hugging you closer to his chest, but not a single muscle of his face moved as he did so, neither did he stop thrusting your swollen cunt, going back at staring at your pathetic sex face as soon as he was done ordering the pixel around.
Ajaw's jaw trembled some times, probably trying to find something to respond, but the view he was witnessing of his servant’s dick being so roughly inserted in such an angelic and modest woman like you to a point where you were all naked and broken into a hungry slut with sweaty hair, a creampie in your belly and so many marks of bites, hickeys and handprints all over you done by Kinich, was making him so uncomfortable that he just flew back to his timeout zone. Yes, he went to timeout on his own just because he was that uncomfortable. Just the fact that his servant knew what sex in the first place bothered him! You and Kinich seemed so modest talking to each other that in his eyes you two would never be able to do such carnal activity, especially a kinky one.
"K-Kinich! S-Slow down-! I-I just came, please!"
Were the last words he heard from Tevyat before he was back to his little pixelated jungle realm.
Silly little thought about Kinich before I finish my actual next post 😋
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin smut#smut#kinich x reader#genshin kinich#kinich#natlan#k'uhul ajaw#genshin ajaw
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