#i inevitably forget to say goodnight to them and so then I get worried/feel guilty about what if they don’t make it to tomorrow because of

[bi-panic-at-the-disco]

wait a second is feeling guilty over not saying goodnight to your family before you go to bed because you feel like bad things will happen to them not a normal feeling/thought?

[bloodypapercut]

something missing (g.w. x reader)

request from @lilyydfg : Hey! Can you please write about reader trying to make george (her boyfriend) feel better and get out of depression after Fred's death? :)

tw: this is heavily centred around feelings of being numb, dejected and hopeless.there are mentions of death and slight mentions of the battle (blood and injuries but not much). please don’t read this if it’ll dampen your mood and if you do read please do so with caution. <3 stay safe lovebugs 

(requests are open)

word count : 2.1k 

    It had been months, but the initial shock never seemed to fade away. It plagued both of them horrifically, but George never fully recovered. The memories repeated themselves in his head, while he slept, worked, ate, laughed, cried, drank, and walked. They were intrusive, relentless, vivid, and unforgiving, they consumed every second of his life, so much so that guilt clawed at the back of his throat. The thought that he got to experience all the things they had promised to do together without his other half left him overwhelmed with grief. Why was it that he got to see the business they had worked so hard for thrive, why did he get to be in a relationship with plans for the future, why did he get to hug his mother and father at the burrow, why did he get to laugh alongside his siblings while Fred was gone, buried in the ground? It didn’t sit right with him, it wasn’t fair.

-----

   After the hours of screaming, crumbling walls, peril, the bodies of those they loved limp and battered on the stone floors, bloody hands, and frantic running they returned home. The silence smothered them, it was inevitable. They were shattered. They couldn’t process what had really happened, surely none of it was real. Fred was just missing, it was the wrong body they saw laying there with a lazy smile still etched on his face, Fred was just playing a cruel prank. They told themselves anything but the truth because deluding yourself feels better than facing what’s really in front of you. It wasn’t until they had finished getting ready for bed that it struck them. They followed the routine that they’d had for years on instinct, brush their teeth, wash their faces, get changed, rush to Fred’s room to say goodnight, but when they found his room empty and undisturbed it became clear that he was really gone. Fred, the loving, goofy, sometimes obnoxious but always kind redhead, the reliable older brother, the loyal best friend, the free-spirited stranger was gone, forever. There would be no more shared birthdays, family photos with his cheerful grin, knitted jumpers with a large golden F laying around, ear-piercing singing, and raucous laughter followed by rushed footsteps. It was all gone, in a matter of a few hours. It was there where George broke the silence, more like shattered it. His sobs were violent and agonizing, his pain was palpable. As he sunk to his knees he hugged Y/N’s legs, clinging onto anything that would ground him. His body shook against her calves and his tears were pooling on the hardwood floor, leaving a puddle where his reflection stared back at him. He aguishly looked back at himself, he hated what he saw, it was just a reminder of what was missing.

“I’m sorry, I need to be alone right now.” He made haste to rush to his office and lock the door. She rushed after him, trailing behind his footsteps but as the door shut in her face and the smashing of frames, ripping of paper, and choked sobs resonated through the door it was clear that that’s what he really needed.  

-----

For months George kept to himself, he seldom spoke of anything that he didn’t need to. He was reserved and feeble, avoiding interacting with people and finishing what he needed to do before heading straight to bed. It was unusual, to say the least, in his mind, there was no George without Fred. A part of him died that day, and it will never come back. He was numb, devoid of any genuine emotions. At any mention of Fred, he’d freeze up and immediately leave the room, if he saw something that reminded him of his older brother he’d snatch it and throw it into a box that he kept hidden under the bed. It was heartbreaking to see someone so vivid and bright suddenly solemn and burnt out. It was shattering to see George force himself to forget about the existence of his best friend to avoid the harsh sting of reality.

    He dealt with all of the pain alone. Whenever he’d wake up in a cold sweat he’d rush out of the room, refusing to look Y/N in the eye. Every nightmare was kept to himself, only to fester in his subconscious. At any offer of consolation or guidance he’d simply shake his head and walk away or offer a hopeless “no,” “I don’t care,” “what difference does it make,” or “I don’t want your help” as he kept his head down. No one knew what he was thinking, no one knew how he was. He remained stoic, afraid that once he confronts his fears that it will all become too real.

    It wasn’t until one night when one of his nightmares felt a little too hostile. It was the kind that plucked at any sense of security you thought you had and left you bare and vulnerable. His chest was weighed down and his breathing was labored. The erratic rise and fall sent the bed into light vibrations.

“Georgie, are you okay?” He remained silent and stared vacantly at the illuminated lamp resting on the vanity across the room. The tears in his eyes and remnants from where they rolled off his cheeks glimmered in the dull glow. She took his silence as a sign that he needed to be alone like he always wanted to be. An ache grew in her chest but she knew he wanted to be alone. She shrugged the blanket off of her legs and kissed his cheek lightly while stroking rogue tendrils of hair off his forehead.

“Do you wanna be alone, love?” She smiled warmly and wrapped her robe around her shoulders, preparing herself to leave the room.

“Stay, please, I can’t do this alone anymore.” The grip on her wrist was relieving and her heart swelled at the thought that George was taking the next step, ready to face what had been haunting him for so long. He continued to cry leaning into her embrace and letting his arms wrap around her waist. His head was against her chest, and she felt his tears soaking through her jumper. Her hand danced up and down the expanse of his back, reminding him that he wasn’t alone, that she was there and always will be.

“Let it out Georgie, it’s okay, you’re so strong. Just let it out.” The hold around her waist got tighter and he released all the emotions he had been holding in for so long. His sobs were haunting and lingered in the air. After a couple of minutes, his weeping decrescendoed but didn’t seize. He looked up into her eyes, worried that he was unloading too much onto her by divulging all the feelings he tried to keep so secure.

“Tell me whatever you’re comfortable telling me, it’s okay. I’m here George, you’re not alone.”

“Before the battle, we were sitting in the garden. The gnomes were running around, they didn’t bother nipping at our ankles like they always do, even they knew how horrible things had become. We were against the fence and he told me,” George paused abruptly and swallowed forcefully, “he told me that it was unlikely that both of us would make it out. I remember laughing and throwing grass at him, but Y/N he knew, we both knew, I was just too scared to admit it. We promised each other that no matter what, we’d seize the days that followed, even if one of us didn’t survive, but how could I go on without him? He died that day for me, he saved me. And even though he made me promise, I just couldn't. I felt so guilty. Every time I find myself smiling or laughing or even being happy in the smallest ways it always reminds me that Fred would never experience it with me. He will never see his first gray hair, or see his children run around the yard, or see how many people loved the things he invented. It’s so crazy to think that when we drank that aging potion in year 6, that that was the only time I’d ever get to see him all old and wrinkly.”

    He became silent as she traced shapes on the expanse of his back and dragged her fingertips along his forearms. Tears slowly welled in his eyes once more with the same urgency streamed down his face. Gently Y/N lifted his head and held it tenderly in her hands, his tears were kissed away by her cushiony lips.

“I really miss him. Not a day goes by where I’m not tortured by his absence. I feel horrible that I’m doing the very thing I swore I wouldn't do, but memories of him haunt me...and I’m letting them. Every time I hear his name or see anything that reminds me of him, it makes me so,” he paused, his hands rubbing at his red eyes in a frantic state, “so fucking angry, so mad and scared and confused and hurt and sick. I feel everything that he always managed to rid me of, but now that he’s gone it’s just so different. I just wish that he’d barge in like he always used to, but he’s gone, and I can’t accept that, I don’t want to.” His sobs echoed throughout the room once again, the unabating raw emotion seeping through every cough and gasp for air. His grip on the ends of Y/N’s jumper was fervent and desperate.

“You don’t have to forget about him.”

“I don’t want to, but it hurts so much because all I’m reminded of is what’s missing when he isn’t around,” he paused and as he did an ignominious expression painted over his face, “Merlin, Y/N I’m so sorry for dragging you into all of this, I’m being so selfish. I must be such a burden.”

“What? Angel, no no please don’t think that. I’m here because I love you, and I care for you. Never apologize for having feelings, you’re allowed to and it’s not something to be ashamed of. I’m not here because I have to be, I’m here because I want to, and because you deserve every ounce of love this world has to offer. Okay? Look, I know it’s easier said than done but you truly don’t have to forget him if you don’t want to, you just have to learn to understand what you’re feeling and to act accordingly. I’m here to help you with whatever you think is best. That’s all I want for you, that’s what Fred would want too. So tell me what you want help with, and I’ll be there every single step of the way. Anything to help you, you’re not alone.”

    The room seemed a little less daunting from George’s point of view. Upon hearing the words she uttered so softly and so passionately he felt at ease, and for the first time in a long time without guilt. A new cloak of warmth draped over his shoulders, he didn’t know what to make of it but as he looked up at Y/N and around the cozy room he realized it was acceptance and relief. He quickly summoned the box he kept as his contemptible secret for months. It sat comfortably in front of him on the duvet, it’s presence was overt and consuming, but for once George was okay with that. For once he let the box serve as a reminder of his brother’s presence, not as something to smother it.

    They spent the next hours slowly inspecting each piece in the box, smiling and reminiscing on the memories. It felt like Fred’s presence was flooding back, bringing more color and liveliness to their seemingly dull world. After hours of sitting close together, George let out a yawn and ruffled his hair.

“I’ll run a bath and then we can sleep, okay?” He nodded and Y/N headed to the bathroom, and within minutes she beckoned George to come in. Gingerly he rid himself of his clothes and sat down in the bath, leaning his head against Y/N’s warm chest. She soaked a sponge in the water and slowly dragged it across his tense shoulders, the water cascading down his ridged and freckled back. The sound of the water falling back into the bath and their steady breathing created a peaceful symphony in the room.

“I love you, angel, thank you.”

“I love you too Georgie, I know you’d do the same for me.”

[smolbeandrabbles]

Stay Here Tonight - Gerry x Reader (Mississippi Grind)

100 Sentence Challenge Request @mandy23b​ @happyskywhale​ @wltz-bby​ #MendoTagSquad (If it works this way I’ll keep it in mind for future! Sorry guys! Tumblr is a mess!)

Gerry + 6 - ‘I need a place to stay’  Not that I ever looked for an excuse to use this gif but @zsaszette78​ gave me one 😁 Thank you for requesting! Author’s Note: Gerry has once again not survived being the subject matter of projection and ...well I guess self reflection?  I don’t know what it is about him that makes it so easy? But it get’s you and me some good content! And here we are!  

Goodnight n Go - Ariana Grande Disclaimer: Mississippi Grind and characters not mine / lyrics not mine / gif not

Premise: When Gerry comes to your town to catch up with Curtis, there’s nothing he would like more than to pay you a visit. When it becomes a little too late in the evening, you seize an opportunity...

Words: 1870

Warnings: Small swears

______ Tell me why you gotta look at me that way You know what it does to me So baby, what you tryna say? Oh, why'd you have to be so cute? It's impossible to ignore you, ah Why must you make me laugh so much? It's bad enough we get along so well Just say goodnight and go One of these days You'll miss your train and come stay with me (It's always say goodnight and go) We'll have drinks and talk about things And any excuse to stay awake with you And you'd sleep here, I'd sleep there But then the heating may be down again (At my convenience) We'd be good, we'd be great together I know how you want it, baby, just like this Know you're thinking' 'bout it, baby, just one kiss While you're lookin' at 'em, baby, read my lips I know what you want, but you can't have this

---

It wasn’t very often that Gerry came to visit you. Not because he didn’t want to - rather, both of you were often busy. But, Curtis was back in town and Gerry had driven up here to catch up with his good friend. It’d been a little while since their jaunt across the Mississippi to win big, so they had a lot of catching up to do. Still Gerry had called you, before he even had it solidly booked with Curtis, joyful:

“Y/N!” “Gerry-!” You couldn’t help smiling, it was so good to hear his voice. You caught up on the phone often. And it wasn’t to say you hadn’t met up a few times. You both liked each other - that much was obvious. But it was distance. And he’d all but admitted that himself. So it’d never really gone anywhere - one day it’d work, you were sure. One day Gerry would admit to himself that it didn’t matter... heck you had a friend living in NYC in a long-distance relationship with someone in LA. It might have been a drive from him to you, but it was pretty much next door in comparison to that. “It’s good to hear from you!” You said like you didn’t end up in 4-hour conversations, staying up nearly all night when you really should know better, every time one of you called. The way he laughed every time you said it making your cheeks pink, “It’s great to hear your voice, Y/N…! Guess what? I’m coming to you! I don’t know when yet, I’ll keep you updated! But Curtis is in town so, I’m gonna head up to see him. It’d be awesome to see you again, too.” “Well when you have a firm date let me know - I’ll be free.” “You sure?! I mean, I don’t want you waiting around for me to figure this out with him...” “Gerry, honey, I’d clear my calendar for you, you know that.” He very nearly giggled, “Yeah... yeah I guess I do.”

So he did keep you updated as to when Curtis finalised the date, and then promised that as soon as he had finished there, he’d come see you. As you might expect, the two of them hung out nearly all day and well into the evening. You guessed they had way more to catch up on, considering they hadn’t seen each other since the trip ended - before you finally received a knock on the door. Which you opened probably a little more enthusiastically than you should have. “Hey!” “Hey! Y/N!!” Gerry lit up immediately and accepted your hug with a bashful little smile, “How you doing?” “Good-! Great! So much better!” That bashful look was now accompanied by a light blush in the knowledge that it was him that’d caused it. “That’s nice to hear...” He followed you back into your house and you offered him a drink “Coffee, is probably a good idea.” “He’s not had you out at casinos, has he?” Considering how well Gerry was doing, the last thing you wanted was for Curtis to drag him back. “Oh, no, no! Seeing the sights.” You scoffed at that, as if there were any around here. “Would you like something to eat, sweetie?” “Oh! No! You don’t need to, thank you! We did go to a restaurant.”  You nodded, glad that Curtis was at least taking care of him. You would have found the guy and slapped him if he’d taken Gerry anywhere near a table.

**                                                                  

You sat and held hands as you talked, like you were in love. Because you were - it was everything but a relationship. In reality you had barely spent enough time with him to say such a thing. But you’d talked SO often, and for so long that you knew him and he knew you. Maybe better than anyone else, he was so easy to talk to – you’d told Gerry things you’d never said to another soul. It didn’t seem like such a strange thing to say that you were in love...

You just wished something would happen that could allow him to see that it’d all work out.

It was funny how as soon as you thought that his eyes flicked to your clock. The conversation was long from over, but he gasped in shock. “Is that the time-!?” You glanced over your shoulder; very nearly midnight. “Oh! God I... I gotta get...” Gerry faltered and you turned back to him, “You’re crazy if you think I’m going to let you drive all the way back at midnight! It’s Saturday, you don’t need to work tomorrow, right? His eyes made their way back to yours and they were wide. “It’s so late!” Gerry covered his face for a moment, hand slipping from yours for the first time since he’d placed it there upon his realisation, “Oh shit! I have nowhere to stay!” His exhale was hard; “…I need a place to stay.” You sat in stunned silence for a minute - because if ever the chance to do something was staring you right in the face, it was now. And you realised you had to say something before he got the bright idea to check into a hotel and you missed it.

Taking his hands back in yours, you gave him your sweetest smile, “Gerry, it’s okay, you can stay here.” His eyes somehow got wider, and he spluttered through his reply; “Oh-! No, no! I wouldn’t want to trouble you-!” “You’ve seen the hotels around here right? I wouldn’t trust ‘em. And I’d be worried.” You gave him your best pleading look. Gerry blushed again, but his smile was adorable as he warmed a little to the idea. “Well, I wouldn’t want that.” “Mhm... I mean it would be the couch, as a sofa bed but it’s better than-” “Y/N...” He pulled your hand and kissed your knuckles delicately enough to have you blushing along with him, “it’s okay. I’ll be fine - I can survive on a couch for a night!”

 *** You didn’t sleep. Heck, you couldn’t sleep. You’d just about manage to stop thinking for long enough to forget that you weren’t meant to be thinking on the fact that Gerry was asleep on your couch, and then your heart started beating on overdrive again. It was so unreal to you that this was actually happening. Even though he was downstairs and you were here, all you could think about was running down there and wrapping him in your arms. What it might feel like to have his around you. Well – you knew what that felt like, he’d hugged you before. In this context, though? You let your mind run away with you, and suddenly it was going from getting kisses and cuddles, to what would it be like for him to lie beside you and hold you every night, to thoughts not so innocent at all – which you almost slapped yourself for, before the inevitable dressing in white scenario popped into your head. The dream indeed. You just about managed to halt yourself firmly there. Hell, you weren’t in a relationship yet, you couldn’t start thinking about walking down an aisle to him. Your eyebrows furrowed at your own thoughts for a moment – and you realised that you felt incredibly guilty for him, for these thoughts running around your head. Maybe you wanted him too much. That’d cause problems of its own. You took a deep breath to calm yourself, attempting to close your eyes again, no – best to bury all that. If you wanted it to become a reality, you couldn’t think on it, or risk forcing it to happen too fast. ** You must have got a little bit of sleep because the next thing you knew it was light outside. Although your alarm clock alerted you to the fact that it was still the small hours of the morning. You stayed in bed, unable to get yourself to drift off again you didn’t want to rise and wake him already. Eventually you found tossing and turning up here was no good – and it would be more practical for you to just start your day. And the day didn’t start much better than with your favourite hot drink. You tried to keep quiet and to yourself in the kitchen until you heard him shuffling around, turning instinctively at the sound of his yawn and groan through his stretch. You couldn’t help but smile, turning your coffee maker on; you knew how to make his favourite by now. You knocked on the living room door before you entered to see him curled up on the sofa rubbing his eyes sleepily. “Morning.” You’d never heard his morning voice, and right now it was giving you the good kind of shivers. “Good morning, I’ve put coffee on…” You smiled sweetly, “Did you sleep well?” “Yeah! Comfiest couch I think I’ve ever slept on!” You both laughed, before Gerry returned your question, “Did you sleep well?” “Uh, I’ve had better evenings but – I’ll be fine. I’m just glad you’re okay. You’ve got a long drive home…”  You paused, unsure of what to say next – a little unusual considering the relationship you shared. Before you giggled nervously, feeling yourself blush, “Right-! Coffee-!” You skipped back into your kitchen and he called after you; “Y/N!” “Mhm??” “I could always drive back a little later if you wanted to do anything today?” You bit your lips together and resisted punching the air in celebration; “Y-Yeah! That’d be nice!” You collected Gerry’s cup and walked back to him, holding it out. “That should make the morning better!” “Oh I dunno, you’re here aren’t ya?” You only laughed again, clasping your hands in front of yourself to watch him; once again you found yourself unable to think of anything to say. You had probably done this to yourself by overthinking last night. Just another reason you shouldn’t have. Gerry took a too hot gulp of coffee that he didn’t mind and set his cup down, hand outstretched to you. “What?” “C’mere.” “Gerry?” “I can’t watch you stand around staring at me, c’mere!” You were a little unsure as you took his hand, but he pulled you down into the comforter with him and wound his arms around you, nuzzling your face for a moment. “There, better, right?” You knew you were bright red – but beaming. And looking into his eyes you had to admit he was right, “Much.” “That’s what I thought.” Gerry smiled himself, pressing a kiss gently to your forehead, “Now, about today…” So you sat cuddled up on your couch with coffee and discussed what you were going to do for the rest of the day. It felt good to be in his arms; comfortable to be the way you were right now. Maybe this was how you were meant to be together – how things were supposed to be between you right now. You found yourself suddenly smiling – if that were true, then you had to enjoy this while you had it. Dreaming was for later; reality was good right now. All that mattered, all you knew, was that you couldn’t lose this.

---

4/16 down! Thank you so much for reading! 💙

[sunnyrollins]

❝ i’m glad we met. ❞ - love & friendship starter sentences for Rollisi, I need it for science, please

“I’m glad we met.”

As she tucked the oversized button down into her jeans, breathing in the comfortingly familiar scent that now wrapped around her, Amanda couldn’t help but feel a pang of something she couldn’t quite place in the pit of her stomach.

She was happy for him. Of course she was. She had seen how hard he worked to get to where he was. She’d been the first one he wrapped up into an excited squeeze when he got the news that he’d passed the bar. But a part of her - the selfish part, she’d imagined - was subconsciously dreading the fact that things were going to change. 

They had to.

The District Attorney’s office was a different world than the precinct, and the last thing she wanted was to see a world of loopholes and conviction rates turn him into someone he wasn’t.

She swallowed the tightness in her throat, and she let out a silent huff of irritation at her own swell of emotion. Maybe she shouldn’t have had that last Heineken after all; she always did tend to lose her perspective when alcohol entered the equation.

Finally, with another shake of her head, she flicked off the light and stepped out of the bathroom.

“Thanks for the assist,” she said once she emerged back into the living room. She folded up her own beer-stained shirt and placed it on top of her bag. “Didn’t think your going away party was gonna get wild enough for spilled drinks.”

Carisi, who had been busy brewing a pot of coffee while she changed, turned to look at her at the sound of her voice, his own words dying on his tongue. God, something about the way she looked wearing his dress shirt - the long sleeves rolled up to her elbows and the collar falling loosely around her shoulders - had his head spinning. 

Or maybe that was just from the alcohol.

“Yeah…anytime,” he assured her once he regained his bearings. “You know how cops are. We don’t party often but when we do…” He chuckled, but she could only offer a slightly sad smile in response. “What?”

“Nothing,” she shook her head. “I’m just gonna miss nights like these.”

His gaze softened, and he no longer held the same playful tone when he spoke again. “Hey…Rollins…come on-”

“No, no, no…stop,” she cut him off with a half-hearted chuckle and a dismissive wave of her hand before he could say anything else. “I shouldn’tve said anything.”

She wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to say, but judging by the soft, almost guilty look in his eyes, she knew it was going to be something either entire too sentimental or entirely too optimistic. She hadn’t been looking for an “I’ll miss you too” out of pity, or a “nothing’s going to change” that she knew he believed despite it being impossible. At the end of the day, there was nothing to say about it anyway. Change was a part of life. She’d changed partners before and she knew she would inevitably change them again in the future.  

But he was still looking at her like that. Like the way she’d look at Frannie when she’d go out of town for a few days and leave her behind.

“Carisi…stop.”

He held his hands up in a playful surrender at her words. 

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to.” She assured him with an equally playful smile when another lingering silence settled between them, and she stifled an almost performative yawn as she glanced down at her watch. “I should probably get home though. Al took the girls for the night but he’s on the morning shift tomorrow so I’ve gotta pick them up early.”

“That’s uh…nice of him to take Jesse too,” Carisi commented.

Amanda’s eyebrows raised curiously before she responded with an amused chuckle. “Don’t worry…Uncle Sonny’s still her favorite,” she assured him, “but he treats her the same way he treats Billie and she really like him so…”

“That’s a good thing,” he finished for her. “I know Declan’s not around so…it’s good that she’s got someone.”

Well it’s not like she doesn’t have you.

She bit the words back before she could actually say them aloud. Something about it just seemed too…intimate. 

There was a point in time where things got entirely too domestic - with him coming over to cook dinner for them and rock Jesse to sleep like she was his own - and she had subtly tried to distance herself just enough to not make it obvious once she realized. He treated her too much like something more than a co-worker or even a friend, and the last thing that she wanted to do was lead him on for the sake of home-cooked meals and a father figure for her daughter.

But instead of saying any of that, or even hinting at it, she simply nodded in agreement and checked her watch again.

“Alright. Let me walk you downstairs,” Carisi said when he noticed the subconscious gesture.

“No…don’t worry about it. Your coffee’s gonna burn,” she reminded him. “But, if you’re not too busy you should stop by during the week. The girls’ll wanna see you, and I’m sure you’re gonna want your shirt back.”

“I’m not worried about the shirt,” he said with a laugh, “but I’ll stop by.”

She smiled, but before she could say goodnight and turn to walk out the door, she took a step closer to him instead, wrapping him up into a tight, constricting hug. He felt a little stiff at first - probably due to being taken by surprise, she imagined - but it didn’t take long for him to relax and return the affection.

“You were the best partner I could’ve asked for,” she told him. When she unravelled her arms from around him, she pulled away only slightly to look at him with a serious sincerity behind her gaze. “These past few years have been a lot, and I know I wouldn’tve gotten through them without you.”

“Come on, Amanda. You-”

“Shh,” she hushed him with a laugh before he could make the comment she knew was coming about her being a great mom, or about her not giving herself enough credit. Her eyes rolled light-heartedly and she grasped his shoulders, her hands smoothing absentmindedly down his arms. “I’m just saying I’m glad we met.”

He looked at her intently, and he couldn’t help but notice that she wasn’t shifting her gaze away with a light-hearted comment like she had in the past. Instead, her eyelids fluttered just slightly…subtly enough that he wouldn’t have noticed had they not been in such close proximity. If he didn’t know any better - he thought - he’d swear she was waiting for him to…

He stopped the thought from breaching his consciousness before it could come to fruition. No…of course she wasn’t.

Was she?

God, he wished she was just say something. Or turn away. Or anything that would have given him a direct answer.

But she didn’t, and despite every rational bone in his body telling him to stop…that he was misreading the situation completely and was only going to make things between them irreparably strained…he closed the short distance between them.

Admittedly, he was shocked when she didn’t immediately jerk away from the feeling of his lips against hers. Instead, her hand grasped the front of his shirt to pull herself closer to him, and her head tilted just slightly to deepen what had previously been just a cautious peck.

She wanted to blame this on the fact that they had been drinking, but deep down she knew just how many nights she had spent lying awake after he’d left her apartment, forcing herself not to think about what would have happened if she had been bold enough to kiss him goodnight when she could swear his eyes had lingered on her lips just a moment longer than they should have. And when she finally broke the kiss, she wasn’t sure whether it was to catch her breath or to stop herself from making a mistake that she knew she could never take back. 

“Sonny,” she breathed out the familiar name in a whisper against his lips, and she searched for the right thing to say before finally allowing her eyes to flutter open to meet his. “I…I’m sorry.”

“For what?” He asked, his hand moving to brush a lock of hair away from her eyes. “You have no idea how long-”

“I do. Believe me I do,” she assured him before he could complete the thought. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t know he had feelings for her, after all, and she had a feeling that he’d thought about this moment just as often as she had. “But what’s about to happen here…it can’t happen.” The hurt in his expression was evident, and a sudden rush of unexplained tears pricked sharply at the corners of her eyes before she stubbornly blinked them back and allowed her voice to drop back into a whisper. “I can’t give you what you want.”

It was the painful truth, but she knew that he needed to hear it. He wanted a happily ever after. He wanted forever. But she had been burned too many times…hurt by too many different men. She knew that he had feelings for her, but she had to wonder if those feelings were for an idealized vision that she would never be able to truly achieve.

His fingers stroked the side of her face in a gentle caress, and he could hear her breath hitch just slightly in response before he responded in a whisper of his own.

“Just give me tonight.”

Every part of her knew that she should reject the suggestion. That she should let him down easy and hope that they’d been drinking enough to forget all about it within the next few days. But no one else had ever kissed her like she was the only person they ever wanted to kiss again. And she wanted this. Selfishly, perhaps, but she did.

And in that split second where things could have gone either way, she made the self-proclaimed selfish choice to pull him into another kiss that wordlessly conveyed her decision, and allowed herself…just for the night…to drift into bliss with him.