#i hope u people like it to whoever reads its ^-^ hehe

[oh-gh0st]

OKKKK since peoplez wanted to read it.... here it is :3 SHINUSHI FIC YEAAAHHH (its under the cut lawl)

A cool breeze drifted about in the summer air as small speckles and cloudy blobs of white were littered across the blue sky. It was neither too hot nor humid to do any activities, resulting in many people out and about today. Families at the parks, couples on afternoon dates… it was a perfect day outside! “1136! 1137! I can still keep going!!” Loud counting sounded throughout the area, followed by the swishing of a baseball bat being swung repeatedly. Jyushimatsu was outside today, adoring his baseball uniform and practicing his batting with his baseball bat at the park in Akatsuka. He had gone out for exercise initially, but as he progressed further, he decided today was nice enough to enjoy it as is. And so, with his 1148th swing, he dropped his bat and leaned back, stretching his body out. He could feel the adrenaline and excitement pumping in him, riling him up with so much energy. “Haaa!! Hustle Hustle! Muscle Muscle!!” He chanted as he stretched, pumping his arms up and down. After finishing stretching and grabbing his bat from off the ground, he strutted back over to the metal bleachers and to his bag, taking a seat on the empty bench. He popped open a water bottle and proceeded to chug it, albeit slowly so as to not make himself throw up. Wiping the sweat from his forehead, Jyushimatsu felt prideful in how much he worked today. Well, at least so far. There were still plenty of hours left in the day, and so much left to do… As he stared up into the sky and watched the clouds drift along, he was pulled from his thoughts as he heard a distant sound. Blinking himself out of his mind, he whipped his head back and forth to find the source of the sound. It sounded like… meowing? He stood up and began to take a step until he felt something brush up against his leg. He finally realized where the sound was coming from… Below him! “Ahh, didn’t see you down there! I almost stepped on you, hehe!” As he looked down to his feet, a black and white longhaired cat had padded up to him. It sniffed his legs and the general area around him before gently rubbing against his calf, purring loudly. Jyushimatsu bent down and let the cat sniff his fingers before allowing him to pet itself. He scratched and stroked the cat’s back, giving it, particularly much attention at the back of its ears. As he squatted and took in the appearance of the cat, he realized it reminded him a lot of someone he knew. It reminded him of his friend, Shinrei. It only dawned upon him further as he looked at the cat’s eyes, identical to Shinrei’s. Blue and black. When Jyushi stood up and went to sit on the bleachers, the cat jumped up and sat next to him, waiting as he fully sat down before climbing into his lap. He smiled down at the kitty in his lap, petting it as it purred loudly in his lap. Mom is going to have a lot of fun with the cat hair later when washing his uniform…

“You remind me of my friend, Shin-chan! You look just like her, as if she was a cat!” He pointed out loud, talking to the cat as if it was a real person. It mewed back in reply. “She likes cats a lot. She has one, too! Her name is Eve… she’s a really nice kitty!!” As he began to ramble on about Shinrei and all things related to her, he could feel himself getting lost in his rambles, the time passing much quicker than he had anticipated. When he realized it, it was almost sunset. “Ah… it’s almost time.” He noted as he looked up to the sky, the sky blue now replaced with gradients of violet, red, magenta, orange, and yellow as the sun began to set. More clouds started to roll in, possibly for a light shower tonight. He took in the atmosphere while the cat from his lap sat up and stretched, yawning as it was stirred from its relaxation in Jyushi’s lap. Padding off of him and down onto the ground, the cat mewled back at him, likely as thanks, and trotted off. “See you later, Mrs. Kitty!” He waved lightly, smiling and bubbly with happiness. Oddly enough, it felt nice to ramble to someone, even if it was a cat. Ichimatsu always told him that cats are smarter than people think, though. So maybe it did want to listen to him… Shinrei did like listening to him talk about his day, too. That’s another thing the cat and Shinrei had in common. Huh… As he got up from the bleachers and stretched, he took mental notes of what else might need to be done. “Hmm… I did baseball, running, exercise… Now onto Shinrei-chan’s place!!” Jyushi clapped his hands together, smiling as he decided his next plans for the day, or rather night. He dusted himself off, removing any cat hair that might be a nuisance, grabbed his bag, and walked to his next destination.

“Aaahhh, Jyushimatsu! You’re covered in cat hair!” Shinrei shouted as she opened her door, seeing Jyushi standing outside of her house. His shirt and pants were littered with little strands of black and white cat hair. She told him to take off his uniform as soon as he got inside, throwing it into the wash to save his mother the trouble of dealing with cat hair all over their place. Throwing on a fresh pair of clothes that he had accidentally left at Shinrei’s before, he relaxed onto her couch with her cat Eve at his side, scratching her head and ears gently. Shinrei was seated next to him, working on an instrumental track for her music. Humming out loud in surprise, Jyushi almost whacked Shinrei in the face with his hands as he remembered the events of today. “Ah! Shinrei-chan! Guess what I saw today!” “Hmm? What'd you see?” “A kitty!! A cat! A cat that looked just like you! It was black and white, had long hair, and even the same colored eyes as you! On the same eyes, too!”

She paused her typing and mouse clicking, looking up at him with a surprised smile. “Really? That’s surprising… are you sure it wasn’t me checking in on you?” Jyushi chuckled to himself at the joke, feeling his cheeks flood with waves of heat as he blushed. “I don’t think so! Was it you, Shin-chan?” She hummed, “No… I was busy with my music today.” “Ah…” Jyushi sighed, looking back at the TV in front of them for a few moments. “Mrs. Kitty was really nice.” “…was she?”

“Yeah! She listened as I talked for hours and hours… she stayed in my lap the whole time!” Jyushimatsu glanced over to Shinrei, locking eyes with her as she looked up from her sewing. “She must’ve been a really nice kitty, then. I’m sure she loved listening to you talk.” As she said this, Jyushi wrapped an arm around Shinrei, pressing them close together, shoulder to shoulder as he rubbed his cheek against hers affectionately. He paused, pressing a light kiss to Shinrei’s cheek before looking at her again, smiling wide. “Yes… she was.”

[thesweetestdevotion]

Hi Stella, I hope you are doing good. May I request you a reading on BTS Kim Taehyung's upcoming songs?

Winter Ahead is releasing on 29 Nov 2024 and White Christmas on 6 Dec 2024.

But more curious about "Winter Ahead" song, like general reading of this song and what would be people's reaction. Will they able to understand the song or meaning of song?

Thank u.

Taehyung Upcoming Music General Reading:

His overall energy:

Dice: 11th House, Scorpio, Moon

Tarot: Seven of Swords Reversed, Three of Wands Reversed, Knight of Cups Reversed, The Hanged Man, King of Pentacles

Just looking at his dice, there is a definite air of introspection and self reflection here. Scorpio and Moon together gives a depth and secretiveness to the realm of the mind and our emotions. There may be some deep emotional themes, maybe a bit somber and deep, or at least the meaning of the music will be. Im not so sure of the sound haha, but its definitely a possibility. The 11th house is the house of our community, friendships and our dreams and higher ambitions. maybe he will reflect on people’s support of him, or on his relationship to the public. Could also be his relationships to his friends and community. Or maybe it’s about general collective themes, like things commonly spoken about during winter time, just the general vibe of the season I guess? But it’s definitely gonna have a deeper meaning, im not sure if even the public will be privy to the actual real intention behind the music, it might be secret to only him/ the people involved, but we may get the hint of what he will be addressing in the songs. I think he also wants to open up?? I just heard that. Maybe he wants to be more vulnerable in a way, but im still getting protective energy so we’ll have to see what he comes up with lol.

Now that tarot… who broke his heart y’all lmaooo. I see he is in an energy of sadness, sacrifice, and disappointment. I think he feels restricted in some way, emotionally. He’s also healing form some sort of betrayal but I can’t be sure of what that entails and I don’t want to ask :p I think he’s also in a more self assured energy because of it, maybe he feels comfortable materially but emotionally he is lacking. He may be leaning on his more earthly side in order to compensate for the loss and sadness, working very hard, investing, making career moves. This energy is sorta sad, i feel that he is in some sort of emotional limbo waiting to let things out. Maybe this artistic pursuit will be the beginning of a healing journey for him.

His intentions vs. Public reactions:

His: The Tower, Justice, Ten of Wands Reversed, Ace of Wands

Okay so maybe he wants to create chaos in a way, I think by letting his emotions out and clearing the air he is hoping to get some sort of revenge (aligns with Scorpio energy of the dice) It’s very Martian, Saturnian, cold, calculated in some way. He’s hurt and this will be him showing that he is hurt. He wants to cause a stir in whoever/whatever hurt him, get his lick back, and move on. I think this is a way for him to unload the many burdens he has been dealing with, he’s letting things out, creatively! It’s inspired a spark of creativity and action in him, maybe this was a swift artistic process, or maybe the decision to do so was swift. Im not sure, but his intentions are definitely to sort of destroy things, in a way. We’ll see what that looks like hehe.

Public’s: King of Swords, Strength Reversed, Three of Swords Reversed, Seven of Cups

I think the public will catch onto this vibe of his, but mostly they will be aware of the healing going on. People may be projecting things onto the music as well, its like they will be overwhelmed and not see it super clearly, they may be swayed by conflicting opinions and theories of the intention/themes of the releases. I think there is also a separation between them and the artist, they really will not clearly understand what is going on, which is good i guess hehe, i don’t think they are meant to. They may feel Taehyung is being vulnerable with them, showing them his soft underbelly. We might see a bunch of people throwing around theories of reasons of why/what the releases are about. I do see a positive perception of the art, but also it will inspire people’s analytical side, they want to figure him out though i don’t think they will.

With that being said i don’t think this release is for the fans to be honest, whatever his true intentions are its between him and the people who he truly wants to impact, whoever those people are, I wont to delve into it and honestly i don’t really care to either, his privacy is important (don’t ask me about it, i will disregard you). I think the release will be fun, a cool refreshing vibe, maybe a little messy hehe. I hope we all enjoy it and i wish him the best!

Hope y’all like this one! Xxx

[creamyparfait]

I've been writing for as long as I can remember actually! Although I used to, I currently don't have a specific socmed acc where I put my writings because they're usually self indulgent, or crafted only for specific people to see, and I'm not looking for an audience

But it does come in handy when I want to express the depth of my emotions. Idk my pen has always been better at talking than I am, but I hope that doesn't make my words any less sincere

I'm glad you liked it hehe <33 wanted to describe your writing the way I see it so that you'd doubt yourself less. Love you so much dove (⁠/⁠^⁠-⁠^⁠(⁠^⁠ ⁠^)⁠/

Also looking forward to your Sona's new outfit!! And I won't say no to that too. I'm always up for cuddles

-🎀

you’ve got an amazing skill baby!! im the same with drawing, lately though id started to slip away from it, i forced myself to draw things i wouldnt, forced myself even though i wasnt posting anywhere that it should be palatable to other people, i saw them as so disgusting that i wanted to do nothing with them, and then i was like okay this isnt working out, lets try writing again and see if that helps with drawing

lo and behold, it did! i stopped repressing myself creatively and all the answers i was looking for about my art came to me so quickly, i needed to stop repressing my creativity and let it run through, is post it wherever i wanted and whoever likes it likes it, as long as i like what i do i cant ask for more of myself

i love you so much too, lately i’ve been feeling better about my writing thanks to you<3 if people read it, surely its worth something..

we’ll do much more than cuddle if i ever get my hands on you, u know that right?

[elysianslove]

cheering you up ; haikyuu boys

synopsis; different ways the haikyuu boys care for you and cheer you up when you’re sad

pairings; karasuno x reader, nekoma x reader, aoba johsai x reader, fukurodani x reader, shiratorizawa x reader, inarizaki x reader

genre; fluff

warnings; none probably a bunch of mistakes lmfao

note; i had to repost this like 3 times rip. anyways, im sorry for not adding inarizaki on my last one jbshds but they’re here now!!

karasuno ━━

sugawara koshi; i definitely think he's so in tune with you, and your emotions. he learns your cues very well, and knows every little thing about you that there is to learn. if you're having a bad day, he'll notice right away. he won't comment on it though. all he'll do is these little things to try to cheer you up, but it's going to be very subtle. he'll let u rest ur head on his shoulder, run his fingers through ur hair. he'll sneakily buy u ur favorite snack. doesn't bring anything up until you do. ends the day with cuddles and a chick flick.

sawamura daichi; he notices but he doesn't really know how to react. not because he doesn't know what to do, but because he doesn't want to trigger you or deepen your sadness in any way. he's very careful with you. if it's something throughout the day, he's very quiet and tender with you, just silently lets you rest your head against his chest and rubs your back/arm tenderly. as you're walking home he asks if you want to talk about it, and reminds you that it's good to, but it's also okay if you don't want to.

nishinoya yuu; not a single sad moment with mr noya here. seriously you cannot breathe. ok but in all honesty, when you're sad. he's sad. sends you memes, and you'll be laughing at them with tears streaming down your face because you don't really know what you're feeling anymore. he does a lot of tiktok trends with you, any of the couple ones. grabs your faces and ,,, smooch all over. until you have no choice but to laugh. if you want to cry even more, he'll watch the notebook and the vow a thousand times over, and be a sobbing mess next to you. just don't tell the guys okay? <3

kageyama tobio; he's so.   bad. at this please help him. like he can tell ur sad, bc he's v good at reading people. but like. what the fuck is he supposed to do. anyways. when u two get to be alone and he kinda notices how quiet you are, he just nudges you slightly, and pulls you to him. it's easier to talk to you, he's calmer, when he can't directly look at you. when he feels you start to shake in his arms, feels the wet tears down your cheeks as you start to sob in his arms, his heart kinda breaks. all he can do is hold you, but it's what you need. and he'll listen too, if that's what you need as well.

tsukishima kei; i think he notices, but doesn't bring it up at all. the way he goes about it is he'll tease you to try and bring a smile on your face. because this is tsukki, and you know him well enough, you know the truth behind his jabs, enough to appreciate them. if it doesn't work, he'll just start to make fun of people in front of you, pointing random people out with you and just being like "wanna bet on what's making their relationship fall apart" this sadist i stg. like suga, he subtly makes you feel better until you yourself approach him about whatever's upsetting. actually gives 10/10 advice bc he's v honest.

asahi azumane; he's so empathetic oh my god bruh. notices immediately. "baby what's got u so upset" w a big pout on his face and when u just mumble "nothin" so low he barely catches it and instead throw yourself into his arms, he gives you a big, certified asahi bear hug. doesn't leave your side at all. constantly mutters sweet nothings and encouragements. if you do the bare minimum like make it through class he'll meet you after and be all "im so proud of my pretty baby". cuddles all day. all night. he's not very good at advice but he is the best listener !!! so attentive and you'll feel a huge weight lifted.

tanaka ryunosuke; "aight who do i need to jump" type beat. u love him so much though. that one sentence and sentiment already has you feeling better. immediately hugs you so tight, borderline suffocating you. "wanna ditch school". 100% willing to do so. he doesn't really know whether to approach it with distracting you or facing the obstacle head-on, but he finds a middle ground. eats your feelings out with you. saeko pulls out the embarrassing ryu pictures and suddenly you don't know why you were ever sad.

hinata shoyo; is really oblivious for a bit tbh. when he first meets you at the start of the day and his hyperactive self is greeted by your duller, sadder self, he doesn't think much of it. it's when you don't react to him or interact with him the way you usually would that he starts to notice you being off. he's actually super straightforward about it, and approaches you with some of your favorite snack that he bribed ukai to give him for free and just "wanna tell me whats up, baby?" he's so, so easy to talk to. immediately you're venting. and he listens to intently, gives stupidly good advice. it's like such simple approaches to your problem but?? it works. anyways you love him.

yamaguchi tadashi; will be super worried about what he could do to make it better, and kinda just tries to feed you as much positive energy as he can. once he's comfortable with people, he becomes really chatty, so i see him talking your ear off with the biggest smile on his face that you have no choice but to kind of ? mimic it? he just radiates goodness and sweetness that it shifts your own energy. he on some witchcraft shit on god. anyways when he walks you home or something, he'll just stop for a min and avoid your eyes when he says "ik u dont feel the best, but i dont want you to have to hide that from me, okay?" stan tadashi <3

nekoma ━━

kuroo tetsurō; drops everything. i mean it. i genuinely think kuroo would be such a good boyfriend that he'll sense it and text u as ur getting ready for school and be like "are u sad i feel like ur sad". you dont really wanna worry him and you'll just reassure him ur fine but he's already at your front door in — not his school uniform. insists the two of you take the day off saying "its fine babe im super smart". you two will spend the whole day just simply existing, talking when needed, he listens to you if you vent, and tries to come up with as many options of solutions for you so you don't feel weighed down. he'll make sure you eat even if you don't have an appetite, and will try to make u do something productive bc in a lotta cases, it could help you feel a lil better yk :)

kozume kenma; i pretend i do not see it — kozume kenma (2020). jbwjwks im jk. he's like tsukki in the sense that he will never address it, and he doesn't outwardly approach you about it. if it's just an off day for you, and you also happen to not have school, you'll go over to his house, hoping to feel a little bit better when you see him. "can i have a kiss, sunshine" to which he responds "why." you just go "im sad" and he gives u a big smooch. he'll have you lay on his lap while he plays his games, occasionally just sneaking in a peak at you to make sure you're okay. he'll ask if you wanna play to get your mind off things for a while. eventually, when things wind down a bit, he'll just mutter "yk i love you, yeah?" and that lights up your world hehe

haiba lev; as soon as he notices you're sad he just ☹️. he picks out a small flower and as soon as he sees you, he just tucks it by your ear, and smile so brightly and youll just be like "oh my god lev please stop being so cute". he won't really know what to do tbh, but the way he's so lost makes it so heartwarming and it honestly cheers you up all on its own. he just. "would a kiss make it better" and if you nod he'll just start kissing all over your face so softly, until he finally kisses your lips. when he pulls away he asks "again?" with a cute smile and if you nod he'll just kiss you over and over again. very simple way of cheering you up, and very foolproof tbh.

yaku morisuke; i think throughout the day, he might pester you a little bit about telling him what was wrong, but after you keep insisting you're fine, he relents, and decides that maybe giving you your own time and space to open up to him is better. he tries not to act differently in that sense, but he finds himself being a little more soft spoken, and gentler with you. i just had this image flash in my brain of you resting your head on a desk, head turned to the right, and then yaku comes and sits to your right, putting his head on the desk and facing you. and just. "hi :)" your heart melts. he kisses your forehead softly and tells you you're wonderful, in case you've forgotten. if, or when, you do open up to him, he'll be very eager to listen, and ready to fight off whoever upset you.

yamamoto taketora; this man is angry. like properly. "who the FUCK put a frown on my baby's face. speak the fuck up. i won't hurt you. ill just mutilate you." if you tell him that it's no one, and that you're just upset, he'll be so confused but he'll just nod and be like "okay. okay. do you want a hug?" and he'll hug you so tight. he'll admit that he doesn't like seeing you like this, and that he'll do anything to make it better. at first he's very cautious, but then he just lightbulb moment and as soon as you get home he'll be like "karaoke night babyyyyy" and then. no more sad.

aoba johsai ━━

oikawa tōru; very. perceptive. he greets you normally, even if he notices something's off, because he won't want to worsen anything. you meet him right before he has practice after school, and he'll just cup your face, lifting them to brush at your hair, and you just sigh. "my baby's had a long day, yeah?" he'll be very gentle and careful with you, i'm sure. he gives you a kiss, smiling softly into it, and reassuring you that you're much too strong to let a single bad day destroy you like this. he meets you later that night with a lotta ice cream and you two just binge watch any reality show you could find, shit talking the actors together. he himself is terrible at talking about his feelings this dumbass >:( so he understands if you don't want to yk? will encourage u to vent it out though. expect terrible, makes no sense advice

iwaizumi hajime; he kinda like. gets mad? when you continue to be upset and not speak about it? he's not mad at you! he's just. mad. this is iwa okay. anyways. he won't bring it up mostly, only being slightly more affectionate, especially in his hand holding, which is super gentle already as it is. when he invites you over, that's when he actually starts to talk to you about it. he lets you know that there's nothing worse than seeing you like this and not knowing what to do, and that he wants you to be able to talk to him. about anything. even if you think it's stupid. he'll listen, and tell you that it's not stupid if it's making you upset. he cooks for you <33333 then bakes with you <33333 you feel a lot lighter at the end of the night tbh

hanamaki takahiro; (he's so annoying i love him). as soon as he sees you upset he makes it his mission throughout the day to cheer you up in any possible way. spams your phone while you're class with ten thousand wholesome memes. sends you pick up lines. when he meets you in between classes he just yells out "how's my favorite person in the entire world!" and kisses you so wholly in the middle of the school hallway lmfao. while he's walking you home, takes a longer route and purposely, he passes by your favorite store/bakery/ice cream parlor. buys u ur favorite, and pretends to be shocked when you give him a piece. late at night, he'll facetime you, wondering how you're feeling, asking if you needed to talk about it. whether you do or you don't, you two will fall asleep facetiming.

matsukawa issei; the minute he sees you he's like "whats wrong". no hi or anything. he has like this frown on his face, which seems off bc it's rare to see a frown on issei's face, and he just tucks your chin in his palm gently and stares at your pout. "you good, baby?" he can tell you're not, but he wants you to be able to tell him on your own. sticks by your side the entire day, and nobody really mentions it. he talks to you as if it were a normal day, but his voice has a softer edge. he's not distracting you, per se. he's more, talking to fill the space while giving you your own space to think. once you're alone, he'll just drag you to the nearest comfy surface, flop down, and pull you on top of him. if you even try to resist or ask whats going on he'll just "nap and cuddles first." and when u sleep a lil bit of ur sadness away, he'll just let you talk it out as he continues to hold you <333

fukurodani ━━

bokuto kōtarō; just as empathetic as asahi, if not more. he really does feel it all with you. yk sympathy pains that partners get when women get contractions? bokuto is that partner. with bokuto, i feel like he'd never make you feel like you couldn't just straight up text him "im sad" and feel bad about it. if you ever do that, he'll immediately call, not even bothering with a text. if he can't come over, he stays with you until you've cried your heart out and then laughing until you can't breathe. if he can go over, he smothers you with love. repeatedly says "you know i love you, yeah? you know how grateful i am for you?" and in between kisses "im so lucky. so, so lucky."

akaashi keiji; i feel like as soon as akaashi notices you're down, or you're slightly off, he just grabs your hand and squeezes, forcing you to stop spacing out and focus on him for a second. if you're with a lot of people around you, he'll lean close to you and ask if you wanna go home. he'll be so soft and gentle and understanding, making up some excuse on the spot on why the two of you have to leave. if you're alone, he'll grab your hand and kind of tug you towards him, silently asking you to come into his arms, where you yourself know you feel safest. as soon as you're in the comfort of your home together, he'll like run you a bath and slip into it with you, just holding you until the water grows cold and the droplets on your skin are from your own tears. he'll wait it out, just holding you as reassurance, then make sure nothing's stopping you from spilling everything to him.

konoha akinori; when he first notices, he kinda deflates. like. who would wanna see their s/o like that? his smile is gentler when he greets you, and he's so soft with you. he grabs a pen and lifts your palm up, quickly scribbling down in his unique handwriting "i love you :) <3" on your skin, whispering for you not to wash it off until the end of the day. it is weirdly motivating tbh. as soon as the two of you are alone, he says it to you, face to face, an expected look on his face as if to ask "you know that, yeah?". puts on a movie to tune out the rest of the world, and holds you close to him as it drags on. he'll give advice if you're asking for it, but he's a better listener than anything else.

shiratorizawa ━━

ushijima wakatoshi; does not notice. in all honesty, he expects you to approach him whenever you have an issue or if you're upset. he's kinda like ? so confused when you're so down and really unresponsive, until he starts to notice how touchy you are. like you're leaning more into his touch, holding onto his hand like it's your lifeline, stealing his vbc jacket because it smells like him. is very straightforward, and will just ask you if you're okay as he walks/drives you home. kinda just stops in front of your house and presses a kiss to your forehead, then pulling you into a hug. "please don't be upset." he won't tell you that it kills him, but you can sense the unsaid words. he urges you to keep his jacket when he notices how safe it makes you feel. greets you the next morning with a new cactus in a pot hehe.

semi eita; is very cuddly once he notices. you'll sit at a table in school and he'll be sitting next to you, but he just pulls you into him and lets you rest your head on his chest, mumbling softly into your hair "i know you're sad and it's okay." he doesn't say anything else, just holds you there with a few kisses in between until he has to let go. late at night, if your thoughts are still keeping you up, he'll be up too, worrying, and will text you at 3 am if u wanna sneak out to meet him. takes you to the park and lays on the grass with you, picking out stars and constellations in the sky, with a soft soundtrack playing from his phone next to the two of you. he makes you feel secure enough to be sad even if you have all the blessings in the world, and makes sure you know that he'll always be there for you, even at 3 in the morning.

satori tendō; cheers you up by making you forget literally everything. replaces the sadness in your brain with just pure serotonin in any way he can think of. he'll take you to an amusement park, get ice cream with you, take you to the carnival in town, to the park, to the beach, to the pool, take you up to his house's rooftop. literally anything. and then he'll say something like "life's too short to spend it being sad over anything, darling." he's so understanding, and if you're frustrated or something he'll tell you to let it out by like wrestling him or some shit. exhausts you so much and you're filled to the brim with dopamine. he makes sure you're always happy, never seeing a dull moment in your relationship with him.

goshiki tsutomu; freaks out. plain and simple lmfao. but once he like grounds himself, he just softly comes up to you and asks you if you wanna talk about it, or if there's anything he can do. if yes, he'll break his leg running to go do it. if no, he'll just sit with you in silence, leaning over to hold your hand, talking to you about volleyball and his aspirations and how well he's improving. he's better at distracting you than helping you face your issues, mainly because he stresses out about giving the wrong advice or somehow making you sadder. he'll take a lot of pictures of you together on snapchat random filters to try and cheer you up, then later on in the night he'll send them to you and be like "look how cute we are ugh what a power couple" i love this dorkhabsjsks

shirabu kenjirō; i think he definitely notices, but keeps it to himself. he’d maybe think he’s imagining things and that you’re okay, so he’d go about his day normally. he doesn’t see you after school, and that’s when he puts two and two together and realizes yeah maybe you are sad. so he texts you, and texts you, and texts you, and gets no reply, so he just. comes over. unannounced. uninvited. just straight vibes. he’s already ordered your favorite take out, and already settling in bed with you under the cover with the lights dimmed and some chick flick playing in the background. gives the b e s t advice because he’s so blunt. like he will tell you if you’re overreacting, but you’re still his s/o, so he’d like wince as he says it. that’s all the sympathy you’re getting <3 but his bluntness will shock you into laughing hehe

inarizaki ━━

miya atsumu; usually, with atsumu, you’re always experiencing loud days. your relationship is all fun and flirty and suave and cool. but when he notices you’re sad, he goes quiet. like. eerily so. immediately pulls you aside somewhere private if you’re at a public place like school or something, and with his hands in yours he asks you if you’re okay. yk that thing where ur on the verge of tears and someone asks you if you’re okay and you just burst. yeah <3. his heart absolutely breaks and he just pulls you into a hug, resting your head on his chest and wrapping his arms around your neck. he just holds you there, even if you’re missing class/your friends are worried. he’ll stay with you until your tears have dried up, until you yourself let go.

miya osamu; i don’t see osamu as someone that loves pda. i feel like he’d be a more lowkey kinda guy. but if you’re sad, that gets thrown out the window. he doesn’t really in the moment, and won’t think too much when he pulls you close to his side and just wraps an arm around your waist/shoulder. yeah he’ll get looks but he can feel you trembling and shaking from holding back tears so yk, priorities. he’ll definitely stress eat with you. takes you literally anywhere and feeds you as you rant to him with tears streaming down your face and he’s just nodding sympathetically as he stuffs your mouth one bite after the other. romance is beautiful

suna rinatarō; when he notices you’re sad, his first response is alright what the fuck who messed up. he immediately blames someone else, and if he’s right, he’ll only get really agitated. just giving everyone the side eye from where you can’t see as he walks the two of you, your hand in his tight. if it’s not someone specific, he’ll just hum thoughtfully and then nod, before pulling you away somewhere private and just sitting you down and saying “talk.” very, very good listener. i can’t stress this enough. as you’re speaking he’s already thinking of a million different ways to help you solve your problem. walks with you as he traces your hands and just quietly tells you all the solutions.

aran ojiro; oh my god as a boyfriend he ticks all the boxes. he’s great at communicating, always satisfies your needs, is trustworthy and trusts you. the list goes on. immediately knows when you’re off/sad, and just smiles softly as he takes your hand, kissing your knuckles and saying, “let’s go home, yeah?” at home, he makes you some calming tea, probably pulls out some cookies or brownies or biscuits (that HE made but we’re not gonna get into that) and just listens as you talk, whether it’s about why you’re sad or just in general. gives you honest advice, but also a lil biased bc he loves you hehe <3

[sinfulforrest]

This has been in the works for a while, but this is Maple! It'll be an oc I'll doodle either being nasty, or getting nasty stuff done to it (by a certain gross plant man). More info about it is under the cut~! It's quite a lot, so be warned xD

Maple is essentially a walking talking plant creature (I like to call it a Flytrap hehe) and it's been alive for quite some time! It can't die by normal means, because it will regrow parts of its body that are damaged or removed, but doing so will drain a lot of its energy, which...is bad. The only way to kill it is to burn it alive, as leaving even a single cell of its body will cause it to grow back and at that point it would be craving food. It typically eats by consuming a lot of water and sunlight, which is why it's so tanned, but every month or so it needs something a little more...nutritious...

It needs flesh.

If it doesn't eat any kind of flesh for a while, it becomes feral and loses itself, turning into a monster. Its sclera turns black, the flowers on its vines fully bloom to reveal two extra mouths, covered in thorny teeth, and its face will disfigure as its skin rips to reveal layers of shark-like teeth. It will consume any meat it can find- human or animal alike. it hates the idea of hurting humans like the rest of its kind, however, and does its best to indulge in big chunks of animal meat every now and again. It's prone to being rather gluttonous, and holds food as a very important thing to it, and is an easy way to win Maple over.

Maple gradually moved from a settlement of its people and closer to human towns and cities because of its curiosity about humans, and a part of it loves interacting with humans that it meets! However, it is often prone to extreme pangs of nervousness and anxiety as it fears being discovered as a monster. Most people think that Maple is some kind of peppy cosplayer though, so it rolls with that and is able to hide in plain sight.

If somebody were to find out Maple's secret it would stay with whoever found it out, not daring to leave them out of fear of the person telling to world that creatures like it exist, even though Maple could easily kill them due to it's size and stature. Depending on the person, it would either be submissive and would do whatever it took to get on the person's good side, or it would steal away the person to it's forest to take care of them and keep them away from others. It wouldn't want to eat them, but it is certainly not gonna let them go.

It wouldn't want to hurt the person, but if it came to that nightmare scenario, Maple would begrudgingly hurt a captive in order to keep the person under it's control, though it would feel extreme guilt over it. Due to not understanding human love, it would eventually start thinking that (depending on the situation that it's in) its loyalty to a person, or it's willingness to keep a person with it is out of the human concept of "love", and not knowing any better, would stay with that person until they died, or it ended up being killed for good, claiming that it's doing that out of love.

This is all the info I have for Maple so far, and if you read this far I hope you found this interesting, and thank you very very much! >u<

[hangingfromchandeliers]

hey sanne i hope youre doing well! i saw ur post abt u finishing an entire book in a day (congrats btw) and i was wondering if u have any tips on how to improve ur reading stamina? like is there more to it than just reading consistently? because im currently at the 10 pages per day stage and id like to finish dracula by the end of this year cjdjdjdkdk (if u dont have any tips thats fine too im just curious abt how u made it!) have a nice day 💗

nita 💕💕 i love youuu! thank you! i think a huge part that you cannot underestimate when it comes to reading for long stretches of time is your emotional well being. if you’re stressed and anxious it’s gonna be harder to focus so just in general taking good care of yourself (regular showers, meals, bedtimes, exercise etc) helps so much. i know that sounds a bit preachy.. but i think thats why people have this “i was a gifted kid but now im ruined and i cant do anything” mentality. of course you could read finish a book in two days as a kid because you didnt have all the worries you have now. so taking care of yourself as if you were your own parent is the first big step to being able to read more in a shorter period of time. you gotta be in the right place mentally to be able to enjoy reading

ill make a bullet point list of some more concrete tips that arent so abstract hehe

turn off your phone and computer. i swear im the worst with this if i have my phone next to me while i read i start randomly checking the time/tumblr/my emails. its okay to let your eyes wander and to put your book down for a while to just let your mind run for a bit. but for me checking my phone always disrupts my flow

read around the house. read in the living room/the kitchen/while you’re taking a bath. anywhere thats not your usual comfortable space where you chill on social media. for me it helps a lot to get out of my desk chair and sit on the couch downstairs. ive even read that it helps people to stand up and walk around while reading?

plan breaks, and try to do something that doesnt involve your brain during those breaks. when i finished that 500 page book in one day i took breaks to make meals, do the dishes, and to go for a walk. do something with your hands or something that involves physical exercise

read about what other people think of the book or read a short summary. this may just be me but going in completely blind doesnt always work for me. its like my brain doesnt have anything to hold onto those first 40 pages and it helps to have prior information so im familiar with the setting. i usually try to avoid spoilers but if im reading classics its not really a big deal for me.

start off with novels that are written in a vocabulary that you fully understand. you can build up to big titles as you read more often. archaic language isnt necessarily a sign of profoundness or intelligence. and if you do start with classics i suggest horror or thriller novels because they cant afford to be tedious! they gotta build tension! you’re almost always in safe hands with those

pick a set time to read. i always read before bedtime! sometimes i only get through 20 pages before i pass out but it creates a routine. and its also better for your brain not to look at your phone before you go to sleep so reading for a bit solves that for me

be proud! share your process with people! reading shouldnt be a solitary experience. post about the books you read and passages you liked and look up reviews that other people wrote. find youtube essays about your favourite books. tell other people that youve been reading more!

don’t be hard on yourself. some days its easier to read than others. some days you get distracted and you have to read the same page 3 times over, and other days its so easy its like youre having coffee with a friend and the book is telling you its story. your head cant always be fully focused so put that book down if you feel like you’re giving yourself a headache

ultimate powerful secret tip: read along with an audiobook. i do this when i NEED to read something usually for uni and i need to force myself to focus. you get all the inflections, jokes, and extra flavour added to the characters from whoever reads the audiobook that you may sometimes read over when you’re not fully focused, and you can’t zone out! because the audiobook keeps going! it helps me a lot especially when i read plays. its great too to visually see how long it will take for you to finish the book on a screen. you can always drop the audiobook halfway and just finish the book yourself if you feel like it.

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Upcoming Requests

As I promised, I’m popping on to post a list of all my requests I’m doing. I know I have asks and messages, but I’m not going to go through them right now, but I appreciate all your support everyone. I’m not tagging people who requested until it’s posted because most of these are anons. Please like and reblog this, just so others are aware of what I’m doing, and comment which pieces you’re looking forward to the most! It’s a LONG list, so I’m adding a read more option. I’m not posting these in any order, that’s just how they’re listed. 

Also check out my writing challenge in my bio!

Requests: 

Bellamy Blake: 

Can you do a Bellamy x reader? which takes place in season 3 with the chips that take away their pain. The reader is going through something and wants to take it but Bellamy stops them? Love your writing and don’t care about the haters! 

Hi! It’s me again. I’ve got this BellamyxReader idea where the reader has become more and more reckless, and when she kills someone she doesn’t even flinch. Everyone’s worried, especially Bellamy. When they get to restrain chipped-Raven and they’re taking shifts to check on her. While it’s the reader’s turn, Raven says something that makes her snap. I have 2 ideas for the end: either the readers goes out and points a gun to her head or she points it to Raven. Either way, Bellamy stops her. (I was thinking that maybe no one knows about it and that the reader’s been keeping it under control with the meds Kane managed to give her before she was sent to earth with the 100 (maybe she could be Kane’s daughter).Then, when Jaha started chipping everyone, ALIE ordered someone to steal her meds and she didn’t really want to tell anyone about the missing meds. She started to go through the maniac phase of it, and people around her (Bellamy, Clarke) started to notice that something was off Then, coming back to my original request lol, Raven told her that they stole their meds to mess with her and you can connect it with the rest of my other request)

Hi there, I was wondering if i could request an angsty/fluffy S5 Bellamy fic based on the song “Hesitate” by the Jonas Brothers? Thank you ☺❤

Is it possible to get a bellamy one-shot or something based on the song “I hate you, I love you” by gnash and olivia o’brien? I’m not really picky (at all) by what the plot is, but I feel like it’s a good song to write a fic about, thanks girlie 💜 ~ Posted!

Okay soooo I have this on my mind for aawhile!Are you able to do a Bellamy Blake x plus size (if you want) reader imagine based on the song “Don’t wanna fall in love” by KYLE… if you want though!

Hi! I have a request What about a Bellamy x Reader based on the song Happy Pills by Weathers?

Would you be willing to do a Bell x Reader based on the song ALARM by Anne-Marie? Maybe something in season 1, but you can decide a different season if it’s easier☺

Your song fics are so goooddddd! Can you PLEASE do one based on If the World was Ending? Its by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels. Can it be a lot of angst and maybe a cute ending if it works? Thank you!!!!!

Hi!! I love your work! I was wondering if you could write a Bellamy x reader based on the song Hot Girl Bummer by blackbear! Thank you ❤️ have a nice day!

Could you maybe do something Season 1 Bellamy where he's tough and lets everybody "do whatever the hell they want" but he's bossier to you and you're a rebellious spirit but he's actually being hard on you because he really really likes you and he doesn't want anything to happen to you (he's bossy in a roundabout way so he makes sure you get dinner and are safe and stuff) and maybe something happens and she gets hurt cause she's mad at him and he admits his feelings for her? Sassy and sweet?

Sirius Black: 

hello! can i request an imagine in which reader is Lucius’ little sister, so she has a bad reputation among the marauders, but on their last year, her and Sirius are supposed to work on a project together so they start spending more time together and he realises that she’s not like her family at all, so they start developing feelings for each other? maybe they even kiss in the end? hehe. thanks!

Hey sweets! I was wondering if I could request a oneshot with young!Sirius please? Something with a lot of mutual pining? Also if the reader could be in Ravenclaw that would be really nice :) Thanks anyways 💓

can i request an extremely fluffy (floof upon floof) and wholesome fic with sirius? :’) thank you

Could you please write a Sirius x reader where the reader is a Gryffindor but is very quiet and cold and Sirius tries to get closer to her?

Hey! I saw that your requests for the marauders were open. I would like to request a Sirius oneshot where he has a crush on reader who is super sassy and will not give him time of the day. He is a bit sad and so maybe James takes it upon himself to get them together? Maybe as a bonus they help July get together too? Thankyou 😍

Hey! How are you? Thanks to Seira I discovered you were writing for the marauders! So I was thinking could you right something on the marauders (Sirius x reader) were it’s full moon and they’re in the muggle world. Moony is stuck in the middle of a village, there is a lot of muggle around him so the reader (who is an animagus too since she’s a marauder) save him but finish hurt by a villager so Sirius protect her and carry her away? I hope it’s understandable and sorry if my English is bad :) 

Barry Allen: 

Hiii! One last request before you close them! Maybe a Barry Allen x reader where the reader has got “dark” powers? I picture her like Billie Eilish in her music video “Bury a Friend”. I don’t know if I explained it clearly 😂

James Potter: 

I really love your works on Harry Potter (basically marauders) Can I request 14, 16, 18, 23, 28 for James Potter. Can reader be Remus' twin sister, a Gryffindor? I I would be really happy to read it. Also if possible can you make a happy ending for it? I trust you can write a perfect fic! Thank you:) (are you still open to this kind of requests?)~ Posted! 

could u maybe work on a lil james potter fic (cus ur reqs for him are open)? one where he's trying so hard to get a girl in the quidditch team (but she's bolder than he is so she tells him she'll only join if he goes on a date w her) i thought it'd be pretty cool... thank u 

I don't know if you are taking one shot requests but if you are, I would like to request a James Potter x reader (different houses, not specified) where they enter a Hogwarts Couples Baking Challenge and they're just having fun. Thanks!

Remus Lupin: 

Hi!!! Could I get a gender neutral!reader x Remus?? Something with mutual pining maybe?? Also I would love if the reader is in hufflepuff!! Thank you!!!

Hey! Can I request a oneshot with Remus where he likes reader who is Lily's best friend and us smarter than her too and is also a prefect? He asks for her help to study and accidentally confesses his feelings at the same time/or confesses during one of their prefect rounds? Thankyou!

can i request some angst for younger remus where it's a couple days after the full moon and he looks for the reader so they can cuddle (they're already dating) and he finds them kissing another guy, and he asks reader why and the readers like "i dont want you anymore, i love this guy, blah blah blah" and he's heart broken but later somehow reader's friend finds out the guy gave them a love potion and fixes it, and reader has to try to explain to Remus that it's what happened but he doesn't (1/2) believe her, and it's all angsty because he's mad at her but in the end he understands or something like that, and i am SO sorry that this is so long, and i love love love your writing~ Posted!

John Murphy: 

 I think 18 by 1D would be such a cute song for Murphy! I saw your requests were open for him (THANK GOD because your writing is incredible!) and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind? Thanks love!

John Murphy with a reader that got her arm or leg or both taken on earth and it’s about her recovering and John helping her. If you can’t do John then sorry for bothering!!

Undecided: 

I wasn't going to ask this because I already requested something (believe me when I say I read the moment I knew lots of times already), but just trying it won't hurt me, right? (right? 😭) I need something based on lover of mine by 5sos it can be bellamy, sirius, james, remus or bucky, whoever you think would fit better. thank you for putting up with my shit 🤧 love you tons - 🍑 (Undecided because I haven’t figured out who to write for yet, I think it might be Bucky)

So this is hella randombut can u do a eli goree x reader ship. Eli played wells on the 100 and mad dog on riverdale btw. Anyway can it be were your also famous actor and played in the 100 and riverdale ect and u guys are playing a game on the jimy falon show and your picking random QUITIONS from a dec of cards abd most of them are things having to fo with ur friend ship (u guys are like bestfriends and everybody ships u2) reader picks random card that says I asked you out would you say yes? (Undecided because my requests aren’t open for Eli and I’ve never written for an actor before, but I kinda wanna write this despite my requests not for him. So idk yet. Question: If I do write this, do you Eli to say yes? and do you want them together? No promises on writing it, but send me an ask and let me know please.)

[heartau]

Oooh you went to Neocity right? I’d love to hear descriptions of the boys in the words of a writer 🥰

omg this sounds fun !!! ok before i start this i just wanna say this is from what i personally saw when i saw them live. i was relatively close to the stage, enough to make eye contact and to be waved at, so i’ll do my best!!

taeyong: seeing him in real life was a little surreal because he looks exactly how he does in pictures and videos which is already jarring because he’s already really beautiful through those. he has really big, expressive eyes and the warmest smile; every time he would look at the audience he’d have this small smile that looked like pride. it was really really heartwarming to see. he has such a calming, relaxed and cute aura durings ments but once he started to perform... whew! his head also really big, honestly a lot of their heads were really big in real life which is adorable idjdjddk, but yeah!! i made eye contact with him a number of times and you would think his gaze would be intimidating but it really really wasnt! the only word i can describe the feeling i got from him is motherly :(

johnny: first and foremost, i do not believe that he’s 6’1... that man is gigantic. his proportions are so good, his leg to chest ratio is so... [chef’s kiss]. what you see of him in videos is truly what he is in real life, he’s so goofy and funny and lively and he always encouraged other members to do their thing as well. he’s honestly so hilarious too which makes me sad because it makes me feel like we’d get along really well if i knew him personally ... man i just wanna be his bff. but yeah he’s really tall, like towering over the other members tall; even taller than jungwoo, who was surprisingly tall as well. maybe it’s just me because i’m really short. he also has a small face in real life, but at the same time his features are so expressive that you dont even realize it haha. but yeah he’s just a happy, talented, gentle giant.

jungwoo: if i could describe jungwoo in one word it would be cherub-like. he literally has the softest features ever and he moves so gracefully, he literally glowed on stage and it was kinda shocking really. he was also really tall omg, like i was expecting it anyways since i knew that he’s around 6ft, but like... he’s REALLY tall. he has the SOFTEST, most honey-like voice but he speaks with so much confidence, it’s so so so cute and made me so happy. he also has really fluffy hair, like even from my seat i could see how soft and light his hair was; every movement he made that night just made his hair whip around really easily, like even if it was bleached you really couldn’t tell because his hair didn’t look fried at all. all in all jungwoo was truly angel-like and very graceful.

taeil: oh man taeil is beautiful on screen and through pictures already but in person he glows 100x more. he has really, really pretty skin that made him shine under the spotlight and his jawline is REALLY sharp omg. he’s also really short (which i was expecting... probably still taller than me though) and has a big head hehe. he’s also one of the members that had a really calming, nurturing energy, during the ments he would literally have heart eyes full of pride when he’d look at the audience, it was really really heartwarming. a GOOD butt. also his vocals are so, so, sooo good and very stable - there was one point (i think it was back 2 u(?) i can’t remember anything from that night other than my videos) where he used his headvoice for the highnote and not falsetto and it floored me - i’m a classically trained vocalist so you bet i freaked out in the audience. but yeah, taeil is just really calming and nurturing and REALLY funny too :(

yuta: yuta honestly shocked me because although i knew that he’s baby from interviews and other clips, i was still somehow intimidated by him, but when i saw them live he really stomped on my intimidation. he literally has the most fresh, most positive, most genuinely kind energy i’ve literally ever felt :( he had the biggest smile throughout the night, every time i’d look at him he’d just be grinning from ear to ear. “healing smile” doesn’t even come close to describing how GOOD his smile is in real life. he’s also short, something i really wasn’t expecting, like a good 2nd or 3rd shortest - really really REALLY funny too and a REALLY good dancer, i got some of his freestyle dance on camera and every time i watch it, i’m floored bc he hits every beat on the spot. i made eye contact with him at one point and i remember feeling just so happy and at peace, like... he’s not intimidating at all... he’s just a happy boy :(

mark: ohh mark... i see mark as a childhood friend so when he came out on stage i literally felt tears spring in my eyes. i live in vancouver and saw them in vancouver so i feel like that kinda intensified it a bit more as well. he is SOOOOOO undeniably funny its crazy, throughout the night i’d just be laughing at things he’d say (that were intended to be humourous ofc). his head also really big omg it was kinda jarring, and taller than i expected. his stage presence is so good, everytime they’d perform my eyes would sometimes land on him, literally SO good. honestly, when i walked into that venue i was expecting him to cry which i feared for because when someone cries, then i cry, but he didn’t!! although after the concert ended, when they were saying their goodbyes, they left mark alone to say his own goodbyes and when he was doing so, his voice kinda cracked before he did this bow and his eyes were a little glossy and i got SO SCARED because i didn’t wanna cry rkdndkdndk but yeah :( im proud of mark and you can tell that he holds pride in what he does as well!

donghyuck: MAN... donghyuck literally has the most beautiful skin i’ve ever seen. i know i’ve said this before but he glows, like he literally glows, fullsun is an appropriate nickname for him. he emitted nothing else but cute, happy, mischeviohs energy during ments but once he started performing his vibe changed so drastically it was crazy - especially during wake up and baby don’t like it. there was one part during baby don’t like it when he pressed his forehead against taeil’s and when i tell you how much i lost it because i wasn’t expecting it... oh man. i also see donghyuck as a best friend; i was born a week before he was and our natal charts are exactly the same save for our moons, so seeing him rip it up on stage was so so soo good it made me so proud :( i made eye contact with him somewhere during summer 127?? I WAS SO HAPPY AFTER like it was refreshing omg i sound so silly but im telling the truth iddndkjd he’s also shockingly tall as well, around mark’s height, maybe even taller, and REALLY long legs. like a good 90% of his body was made of leg didjdjdjd but yeah donghyuck is just... he’s really the sun and he was meant to perform.

doyoung: i will start this off by saying; i left that venue as a doyoungzen. doyoung... whew... he also shocked me because through videos and pictures i was NEVER intimidated by him at all, i honestly genuinely always just saw him as cute baby but man oh man. you know when you just KNOW that someone’s rich by the way they hold themselves? that’s doyoung... he’s really regal-like and holds himself really gracefully, like a strict prince type. he intimidated me SO much that night (in the best way possible... sexy intimidation... dont worry) like his energy was just so... intense. i made eye contact with him a number of times and when i tell you how SMALL i felt just from meeting his eyes... my goodness. he has really broad shoulders and a tiny waist, also really tall, small-ish head. his features are REALLY sharp like it’s crazy, i really have no other way to explain it. he also has really pretty hands, nimble-looking fingers. he was really adorable during ments and at one point kept hopping which was so CUTE but even then... man. his energy is just really intense. i ended up making him one of my ults after i left the venue.

jaehyun: deep inhale... so. jaehyun. honestly its kinda silly because i can remember so many details from the other members but i feel like once it comes to jaehyun i’m at a loss of words because of how in SHOCK i was to see him up close bc as you all know he’s my ultimate bias, it was my three years with him a few weeks ago. but gosh... jaehyun... i really can’t see the whole “cold prince” image they give him bc he’s so chill and relaxed? ok wow a few memories are coming to mind now; he has a really big head, which i was expecting because i’ve seen people talk about how big his head is but yeah it’s big but it’s CUTE he’s just a little bobblehead :( i made so much eye contact with him that night too and god like. i got some of those moments on camera and you can see through the videos how i’d just FREEZE every time we jefkenfkd he’s just... really chill, really relaxed, let the other members do their thing, but at the same time really silly and had this aura of confidence which was really nice. a lil shorter than i expected omg but his skin was reeallllyyyy nice and he’s very pale irl omg. he waved at me and my friend at the end of the show and i also got it on video and like... every time i watch it its just so surreal cuz like ... 😭 LIKE WHAT NOW how am i supposed to live the rest of my life now knowing i reached my peak at neocity like .... bruh

all in all these boys are just so talented and have the best stage presence ever, and they’re super SUPER interactive with the fans. beingin the crowd during touch and replay was just so... nice :( it was truly one of the happiest moments in my life and i hope that they come back soon !!! i also hope that the next time i see them, winwin is part of 127 again as well :( and lastly, i also hope that whoever is reading this sees them in the future as well bc u deserve it!!!

[pffbts]

It was my first kdrama :((( and I went on watching it over and over again because it was so FUCKIN BEAUTIFUL

GURL THAT`S MY FIRST HISTORICAL DRAMA AND A BITCH IN LOVE WITH ONE AND ONLY LEE JOONGI. 

(sorry the rant is lil bit long…)

i mean…sadly, he`s 17 years older than me (can you hear me crying? i`m legit wailing? i want to perish away and never come back.) BUT that doesn`t stop me from loving and adoring him. ALSO BABE, HIS EYES. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? there were legit some scenes in Scarlet Heart: Ryeo where there was no dialogue and it was only HIS FREAKING EYES WHICH MADE ME SOB. AM I WHIPPED, YES?

i don`t know man. i finished the drama last night and all i want to say that whoever said that this drama wasn`t up to the mark. SHUT THE FUCK UP, THAT THING IS BRUTALLY BEAUTIFUL. ALSO THE GODDAMN OSTS?? WHO ARE WE KIDDING?? i`ve never encountered a film/drama/anime or anything like that where ALL THE SONGS AND BGM ARE MINDBLOWING. this is a first for me.

i mean..i understand from what perspective people say that this drama didn`t do much well in S. Korea. you see, the thing is that usually K-dramas (as much as i`ve seen people say) the starting starts with a BLAST but ends up becoming rusty and dragful but THIS DRAMA CAUGHT PEOPLE`S ATTENTION IN ITS LAST 6-5 EPISODES. also, as much as i love IU, her character annoyed me quite a few times. LIKE GURL WHY THE FUCK DON`T YOU TRUST WANG SO, THAT MAN WAS READY TO PROTECT YOU AT ANY COST. at the end, he was the only one who truly believed in her (apart from Baek Ha too. i had faith in Jung but he disappointed me. he`s partly the reason why Hae Soo`s health deteriorated because she couldn`t see Wang So for the last time.)

but honestly, the last episode tore my heart. especially the last scene where Go Jin aka Hae Soo reads that Wang So was a wise and good king (that picture when it was being painted, So told the painter that he wants the viewer to see the real him as if he is face to face with him)…but then there’s the scene where he`s just standing alone in front of the palace and she breaks down saying sorry for leaving him alone. I WANTED TO RIP MY HEART FROM MY CHEST AND THROW AWAY OUT OF MY WINDOW. and then! it completely shifts to the past era where Wang So removes the makeup and reveals his true face and says that he`ll find Soo if she`s from a different world.

I`M SAD. I`M SO SAD. 

i don`t usually watch much k-dramas. i`m more into anime and Ghibli films. the only dramas that i`ve watched are of Ji Chang Wook`s (i didn`t watch Empress Ki because i don`t like historical dramas much) and because i love ASTRO, i support Eunwoo`s dramas, that`s it. i think now that i`ve seen Lee Joon-ki`s work, i`ll watch his dramas too (i already watched Virgin Snow today hehe)

also this drama made me realize that historical dramas can either be the best or like the worst. for me, this was THE BEST after Healer (JCW`s). this drama already told me from the first few episodes that i`ll be suffering from this stinging pain inside my chest but i still continued and honestly, though i regret making myself depressed, i am happy. I`M HAPPY TO SEE THIS DRAMA.

p.s thank you so much baby for talking to me. i`m sorry for rambling like a fool here…i just couldn`t help it. please excuse me if you can.

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 9: “Break Down Everything I’ve Built” - Jennet

JENNET

not to be rude but i hate this cast.... me winning immunity didnt even matter bc my bestie got booted tf...

(a little later)

feeling alone, im not even on a tribe anymore. im alone now not furcifer calumma or brookesia, just jennet

(after eating rice)

i know i sound dramatic asf but ffft i was so uneasy starting this game and i didnt feel comfortable or didnt feel excited to play until i started playing with ethan so i guess i relied too much on him but its like... now what?? where do i go from here? like sam, sammy, jones, and mikey voted to keep him so its like... here i am with low numbers again

(after taking a dip in the ocean)

immunity doesnt feel so good when ur number one ally gets sent home...

(after polishing the immunity necklace)

realizing that tonight ive been on the wrong side of both of votes so now im... reevaluating my position in this game. i have to break down everything ive built and start over and see who i can really trust right now

JONES

https://youtu.be/GY0DufoCyLE (after live night)

LOVELIS

So today's been way more eventful! I've had a great conversation with Jennet finally & got caught up on all the live night stuff, thought it was just a live competition that I wasn't able to attend but then I woke up to Ethan being gone LMAO but oh well! I've been targeted the past two rounds but I'm still here so I've just gotta work my options as best I can, and right now I do wanna with with Jessica the most. Apparently Shane put in a lot of work to keep me during live night & I'm thankful but earlier when I tried to talk to him he wouldn't divert from that point & it was a little awkward.. like idk what you want me to do about that... so today's mostly been catching up with the people who I haven't heard much from like Jake, Lindsay etc and seeing where their heads are at, I need to be more involved in something big if I'm gonna be seen as a potential winner should I make it to the end so I'm definitely not shy of jumping ship from Sharon and tryna make something better for myself with the people that voted for me hehe.. 😳😈

JENNET

looking at the memory wall and im feeling very: vulnerable

LINDSAY

12/19 - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Q_KxHilwOebD8G3D8JAZsOMKdgsxFp-b/view?usp=sharing

JESSICA

I know in my last confessional I said I was close with Ethan. After I wrote that, I realized that he was a lot closer with other people than he was with me. Lindsay accidentally added him to an alliance chat and I expected him to freak out in my DMs (or at the very least ask me about it!) since we're supposed to be such good allies. But he didn't say anything! Shane said that he did get an Ethan freakout so I was like hmm... noted. Ethan likes Shane more than me so I am okay to vote him out a lot earlier than I was planning. Ethan also left out a LOT of information about the idols when we talked about them so I instantly knew at merge that he was hiding things from me. When we did that round robin conversation thing, I got Shane early on (I think he was the third person I talked to?) and he pitched voting Ethan which made a lot of sense to me. Plus I was a little worried Ethan could have had the Furcifer idol since he found that Brookesia one so fast. I figured if we were going to make a big move, that was the time to do it because if anyone was suspicious I could just pretend the whirlwind nature of the round was the reason they didn't know what happened. Speaking of idols!!! I'm 95% sure that Furcifer idol is in Sam's pocket. Shane had a vote extort power which he could play on anyone; it would force them to either reveal their entire voting history to this mysterious person OR they would have to give up their vote and sit out of immunity. I guess the vote part isn't public but the immunity part was and for some reason, Sam chose to not reveal his voting history. To Shane and Daisy, who don't know how the idols worked, this is a weird choice. But to me there's only one reason someone doesn't want their voting history revealed and it's because they didn't vote at a tribal which means they have an idol. Shane originally wanted to play the power on Mikey which I strongly did not want because 1) I already know how Mikey has voted and 2) I was pretty sure Mikey didn't have an idol so it's unlikely there was a tribal he didn't vote in and 3) If Mikey asked me about it, I didn't want to lie but I also didn't want to expose Shane. The question is.... does Sam's idol still work? If I had found the idol when I knew there was an easy boot on my team (he has to have found it before Pennino left), then I would have gambled as long as I could have to get the idol to work. My guess is Sam's idol goes until... f7? Maybe f6 or f5. Pennino probably left 3-1, not 4-1, but Sam's missing vote didn't matter because it was unanimous and wasn't read. For this round, right now everyone is probably voting Lovelis. It's the easy vote because he isn't here but personally I don't want to do that. Everyone says Lovelis is inactive but he isn't inactive to me and as far as I know, he is not going to flip on me and thinks I've been looking out for him. Which I have been! Also Lovelis cannot have an idol unless he somehow got the merge one. So to me it's like.... why not take out someone like Sam who (probably) has an idol? Or at least get him paranoid enough so he plays it. He seems like the kind of player who could easily stab me in the back so I'd like to get him before he gets me. Right now my tightest alliance is with Shane/Daisy, though I definitely talk about the game with Shane the most. However I also have good relationships with Lovelis, Sammy, and Mikey. I think Jennet and I are getting along well because as far as I know, I was the first one who told them Ethan's name was going around last time when everyone else seemed too afraid to tell them. They were not into that plan at all but I'm glad that I was honest with them because I don't want that to be a closed relationship at all! They also don’t seem to have a tonne of connections so they’re someone I'd like to keep close. And then Jones/Lindsay/Jake are people who I'm still getting to know but I do trust them.... a bit. I don't see that alliance of 6 lasting long term however I don't mind trying to stick with it to get Sam out before it disintegrates. I also think Shane is coming across as a threat which is great to me. I hope people don't think we're close because I really want to keep that relationship hidden. My entire game is about having everyone think they're my #1 (or at least my #2 or #3) so that they are less likely to leak things I tell them, less likely to vote for me, and more likely to look out for me. Information is power so I try to be in a position where I'll get as much of it as I can. So far it is working! I think. This is truly an essay

(a little later)

Oh also I never get episode titles in games so here are some: "Any way you slice it, it's Survivor madness!" "What a night, what a vote" "Please don't invite me to your messy party" "Social game is on 0!" "Survivor brings out the worst in you" "I'm a chameleon" Some of those are things other people said in other games but... oh well!

JENNET

apparently lovelis is rallying the troops to get them to vote for me bc i voted him out over madison... babe we NEVER spoke, and i spoke to madison ALOT why would i not vote u ? tf... its getting weird

JESSICA

LMAO IGNORE THAT LAST CONFESSIONAL That is not how the advantage works at ALL I now totally understand why Sam rejected it That’s so funny that we really read it that wrong.............. I love reading and comprehending the words that I read Still don’t know where that last idol is but this is so funny.

JENNET

so right now the only people i can trust are sammy, sam, jones, and mikey. i want to trust jake but hes in an alliance with jones, lindsay, daisy, shane, and jessica that he didnt tell me about. jones is playing double agent right now and the only reason i dont find that sketch is bc she told us info that she didnt need to. i will say me and jake had a convo about how we dont trust how shady lindsay has been and we wont target her until most of the og brookesia members are gone. im very scared right now but also very angry

(a little later)

had plans for this vote but sam got his vote taken away. im waiting to see what pops off at tribal/ the few hours before tribal before i can try to get the little band of misfits to settle on who to target first. so far its daisy and shane, i’ll try to sneak lindsay in but honestly i want daisy gone first bc shes hosted me and seen how i play and thats too much of an advantage. she’s dangerous to me and my game

JAKE

https://youtu.be/nZPMXTthz9Q yes I'm becoming paranoid and what?? say it to her face

JENNET

my dream boot order after this round (if lovelis is who goes): daisy shane jessica lindsay and then everything else can fold around itself but ideally jake is next to go

LINDSAY

videos r still uploading but here's my quick tea for this episode: feels way too easy to vote lovelis, keep expecting things to blwo up bc lovelis is throwing jennet's name out there. game way too quiet. shit aint right but i aint know whats wrong. i may be paranoid

JENNET

:ETHAN: ❤️ :JENNET: hours

SAMMY

so I feel like so much happened in this round? let's recap the live night and dive into our thoughts and feelings about where we are right now. So starting off after Madison is voted out, the plan throughout the day was to just vote out whoever stayed out of Madison/Lovelis, right? Okay so I go into this live event thinking that's the plan...not sweating...just chilling right? right okay so I get to talking to people and then I get in a chat with daisy who is my 3rd phone call? Then I hear of this plan to get rid of Ethan?? In my head I was like...blinks...okay so why are we doing this like what is the point y'all are being too complicated. So fast forward Ethan goes home. Then Jones lets me know there was a separate group made before tribal of Jake/Shane/Jones/Jess/Lindsay. Apparently all the people who voted Ethan? This actually pisses me off not gonna lie because I opened the door for a conversation hinting that I knew of a group to daisy/jess/Jake and none of them spilled to me. So I caught them in a lie and it lets me know that they are serious about that group of people and that alliance means something. I thought I was close to daisy and I thought she considered me her #1 ally but the info I have been getting really makes me trust her less. She was working on the idol/bridge with like so many other players which makes sense to how she was able to find so many powers. I feel used. She is close to Shane and it is obvious. I also 100% feel as if the Ethan plan was made before tribal or at least mentioned as an idea. I don't like the vibes I am getting from them and something has to change soon or I am gonna be finding myself in a rough patch. I told Jones about Daisy's powers to let Jones know that Daisy pretty much lied to Daisy about the street car ladies (sorry daisy I still love u but in the moment I felt used because I know ur bridge group is on like the late 30s and you didn't tell me). Daisy is playing the middle and I need to separate myself from her or at least break her and Shane up. She is using Shane as a shield. Also I was added to the justice league alliance and its so cute (Jones, Jennet, Mikey, Me, Sam) I love this group but I will say Sam is my weakest connection and I don't really have much trust in him? Hoping that will change in these upcoming rounds tho. Also, I told Jones about my vote block that lasts until final 5 which we could use to our advantage later in the game. I will be holding onto that as long as possible. The last major update other than me feeling somewhat left out of this "group" would be that Jess asked if I would be down to make a group after the vote of her/Jake/me/mikey which I would actually very much enjoy. Okay that is my longest confessional yet. I hope you enjoy. As of right now my top two allies are Jones/Mikey....Lowest on my trust rankings are Shane and Lindsay.

JENNET

lovelis dming me saying we should get out mikey pfftttt

DAISY

https://youtu.be/mz2Fg_Kvyqo

SAM

https://youtu.be/J81hUWIy6dg

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-dymdy5vjtHdwsY3JSTnovwaSRLvuzQt

JESSICA

me: lovelis will be a jury vote for me! me: nvm!!!! Not sure why being rude to people and attacking them is your strategy on the way out... but you do you!

LOVELIS

I think I mentioned chaos in my previous confessional and I think I just did that so you know what.. I'm content LMAO. I pulled out pretty much all the cards I had left to play this round and if it wasn't enough despite being carried the past two tribals.. then so be it. This has been such a fun past couple days and it's fun to just let loose and see what happens!

[vanilla-dot-95]

1 - 85. Do all of them 😈

Fams.....whoever sent this you better read it all AND INBOX ME WHO YOU ARE 😂😭 my head hurts and I'm drunk so I hope you didn't expect good answers 1. Are looks important in a relationship?To me not really2. Are relationships ever worth it?In a sense yes, it teaches you what you want or don't want3. Are you a virgin?I am a child of God 😇🙏🏽 🤥 4. Are you in a relationship?Not at the moment5. Are you in love?😷yuckkyyyyy6. Are you single this year?Mhm7. Can you commit to one person?110% yes8. Describe your crushWeeellllllll, she's typing out these answers rn 9. Describe your perfect mateJust......love me and respect me that's it 10. Do you believe in love at first sight?When I see a big, round, fat........pizza sure why not?11. Do you ever want to get married?Yes 12. Do you forgive betrayal?Nope 13. Do you get jealous easily?Answered this already14. Do you have a crush on anyone?☺15. Do you have any piercings?Yes16. Do you have any tattoos?No17. Do you like kissing in public?Fuck no20. Do you shower every day?Yes21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?I'm an airhead I don't even pay attention sometimes, you'll have to really let me know tbh22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?I would hope so 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?I can last an eternity 24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?Don't jinx it !25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?Mmmmmm, maybe26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?Yes27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?No28. Have you ever been cheated on?Yup 🍺29. Have you ever cheated on someone?Hell naaaa30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?Haven't considered tbh.....goood question 31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?Yes , yes I have32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?Nope 33. Have you ever had sex with a man?😷😷😷😷😷😷😷34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?Hehe, yes 35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?......yes36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?Ew no 37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?Nope 38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?Yes, loool 39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?Yea40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?Nope41. Have you had sex so far this year?Have you?! Spill the tea bitch ☕️☕️☕️☕️42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?Lmao like couple minutes 43. How long was your longest relationship?1 year44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?Girlfriends ummmmmmm, hmmm 🤔45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?Zero46. How many times did you have sex last year?Once again bitch spill 👏🏽that 👏🏽tea 👏🏽honey 👏🏽yaassss👏🏽47. How old are you?2248. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?Cooool49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?Her charming personality (me) and stunning good looks (me)50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?Nope nopie nope 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?I'll let u know when I find someone who's worth that much52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?Yes, because we weren't on the same page 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?Not that I know of 54. Is there someone you will never forget?Mhm 55. Share a relationship story.Don't really have any good ones that I remember56. State 8 facts about your bodyThis is starting to turn into a mf essay lorrddttttt k: 1. I'm average height 2. I have naturally wavey to curly hair3. I walk perfectly fine but my friends say my knees look like they're buckling 😂4. My arms knock over pretty much anything in its path 5. I have a serious face half the time but I promise I'm a marshmallow 6. My nose twitches at times when I get nervous 7. Idk man can't think of anything else.57. Things you want to say to an exSincerely from the bottom of my cold cold heart, fuck you and fuck the bitch that tore us apart 🍺🍺🍺🍺58. What are five ways to win your heart?1. Be respectful 2. Be polite3. Bring me flowers 4. Take me somewhere when I'm feeling moody5. Give me attention like I would for you59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)Ugh, just go look at my avi maaannnnn, I'm too lazy 60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?I've dated someone 7 years older than me before.....61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?Their laugh62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?Buy me food 63. What is your definition of “having sex”?👅👉🏽👌🏽 64. What is your definition of cheating?Kissing another girl, flirting with another girl, sex with another girl65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?I'm too horny for this rn 66. What is your favourite roleplay?Omgggggg 67. What is your idea of the perfect date?Answered this 68. What is your sexual orientation?LESBOOOOOOOO BIG OL LEZZIE 69. What turns you off?ANSWERED 70. What turns you on?ANSWERED 71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?Lmaaaoooo it's making me wet just thinking about it.....72. What words do you like to hear during sex?😩😩😩 73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?Bring me roses 🌹 74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?Mmmm, nice hair? 75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?Buy me a cute purse and a new eyeshadow palette 76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?Brought them food and some booze after a rough day at work77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?Sometimes people like to cross the line and it's kinda scary78. What’s your dirtiest secret?Dirty huh? I once played in dirt at school and my mom was so mad my jeans were so dirty after omg.....79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?I had GOOD REASON TO BE, and turns out my suspicions were 100% RIGHT. 80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?Couple days ago to my mom 81. Who are five people you find attractive?1. Amber Liu (forever my crush I really hope she's gay 😍😍)2. Moniece wifey on love and hip hop good lord she struck gold cuz she is finnneeeee 😍 3. *cough* me 4. Angie Lopez, dear god save me (saw her on untold stories of the er in that police uniform 😍😩)5. Me , once again me 😁82. Who is the last person you hugged?My little brooooo83. Who was your first kiss with?This girl who used to hang out with me when I was realllyyy young.84. Why did your last relationship fail?No trust85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?Already have so, yeah. Will I ever again? Maybe.

[rhyglizzy]

ok i always step onto tumblr and look around to make sure i’m really alone so i can post whatever i want bc i literally have no mutuals and none of my friends use tumblr and posts get buried so easily when they’re not tagged or u don’t use common tags or whatever and i tag my stuff so i can look back later fondly and be like haha this is how i felt a long long time ago :) but anyway im boutta post my mans bc... iwgsilhb... idk... inbiarroasikifmtkwli i guess but like i’ve always said even about yuck!, the feelings i have toward whoever i like are tciegtfl and i feel like your personal definition can change as you discover the true depths that you are able to feel different things, soooo THIS??? definitely the closest i’ve ever been and what’s funny but also like... gives me hope i guess?? is that i literally cilamtilhrn so if that’s possible??? bro move lmaooo y’all better not say nothing to me when i lose my mf mind bc if ilhamtiad i WILL be clinically insane like i don’t think my heart can beat any faster or i can smile any more bc of someone else like... if it gets better than this i will NEVER wanna die like wtf i been thinking earth is the real hell lately but man iweut... that switch will flip so fast and i’ll think it’s heaven like nothing can be better wtf aaaaa i can’t believe this turned into a tangent like this all because i wanted to avoid saying i love him bc that would be dumb but like... as seriously stupid as it sounds if this ain’t it then idk what is bc i can only define love as the strongest feelings i’ve ever had for someone and this is that soooo 🤪 just for kicks i’ll say it lol I LOVE HIM BITCH!!! idk it just feels weird to say when u know it’s not reciprocated 😔 so hopefully it is soon. i was gonna say one day but i wanna keep a tone of optimism and certainty so instead of questioning if i’m gonna question when 😌 but fr god pls i know i need to focus on bettering myself to make myself like me before i try to make someone else like me but ughhh wait NO this is my own fault i need to make myself into a person worth being around before i question why someone isn’t in my life duh bitch :) i’m working on it. also, while i’ve got a long post going that nobody is gonna read, (FUTURE ME IF YOURE READING THIS ESPECIALLYYYYY IF YOU HAVE A S/O,, PLEASE STOP HERE LMAOOOO) i wanna say that i do also feel kind of dumb for wanting to better myself so that someone else will like me, but at the same time i feel like that’s a totally natural and common way that people think and behave. like i should and DO want to be better so that i’m happy with myself but like the thing that would make me be hmmmm happiest with myself is being someone who’s worthy of the love of someone else if that makes sense. and i’m not talking about changing myself to fit someone’s mold for their dream girl. but i think the part i feel has a negative connotation is that i’m ALSO not trying to become “who i want to be” independently and THEN finding somebody who loves me for me after i’ve already become a fully realized person who is worthy of love. like is it so bad to love somebody and aspire to be someone who they would love?? like i feel like that’s the foundation, wanting to make the other person happy. but i think my drawback is that i like him for who he already is/who i see him as at least and... after seeing what i’m viewing as a fully realized person and finding out what they like and wanting to be that... i’d feel like i manufactured myself for them and they might like me but like... at what cost?? my whole personality and all my good traits were developed with the thought in mind that i want them to like me. and that would suck so i REALLY do want to become a version of myself that I!! really like and then hopefully he likes me but ALSO i do think it’s part of loving someone for you to want to grow with them and for them and

(FUTURE ME IF YOU WANNA KEEP READING START AGAIN HERE LMAOOO HEY BITCH ITS YOUR DUMB YOUNGER SELF WHATS CRACKIN) the text block got too long haha but i think one of the biggest reasons i like him so much (aside from the fact that he’s a source of genuine happiness and i don’t get a lot of those hehe) is that he really makes me wanna be a better person somehow like i literally am so inspired to improve myself and live a better life and idk if that’s so that i can “become likeable” like i said earlier or if that’s because he really just inspires me idek how to explain why he just does :3 i do wuv him just a little bit, just like as a human :) he is great ugh a true angel on earth. but again one of my mental blocks is that i don’t think i can be the same for him so what do i have to offer!! like that’s something that i feel validates and invalidates my desire to be with him at a same time (haha wait every time i type that word i’m like ;) lol) because my lurve comes from him making me happy and inspiring me to be better andddd if i can’t reciprocate that same happiness or inspiration or something else idk, then why would he like me??? like the one thing i’m certain i can offer is making someone feel unconditionally loved and deeply admired and like someone truly believes they’re a gift to this planet because that!! is how!! i feel!! and i make sure to convey that, but i don’t know if that’s enough to at least start a relationship, it’s definitely a stepping stone to maintaining one but i just highly doubt we would meet and he would be like “wow this bitch worships me i should date her” like no so obviously being interesting and fun and beneficial to someone’s quality of life are my GOALS. i just view that in a couple different ways, the negative one being that i would be building myself to earn someone’s love which i kinda don’t even wanna believe but at the same time i think it’s kinda normal, and the positive way i view it is that love is one of my aspirations in life and regardless of whether they overlap with the desires of a potential s/o, i really do have my own genuine goals and hopes for myself and the development of my personality so that i can reach the two goals of self love and falling in love with someone and having them be in love with me too :) and i think i’m gonna stick to that positive energy and keep working on it :) next time i look at a pic of him i’m prolly gon cry now bc wtf