#i hope this reply doesnt come across as rude

[sconesfortea]

Have you looked up what the term “gay panic” means?

Hi, I don't have to look it up, as a queer person, I'm well aware of what 'gay panic' means.

It's not a term we use in England, but I've been aware of it for a long time as I've seen discussion of the phrases flippant use in media multiple times, most recently in Heartstopper, and how upsetting that was for American viewers for whom the term holds a much darker history.

But as you'll see in my post, I distinctly didn't use the term "gay panic" for that exact reason. If you look up "bi panic" you'll see it being used exactly as I used it in my post:

I do apologise if my the wording of that post upset you or anyone though, I had hoped that I'd avoid that by not actually using the words "gay panic".

[suwbuns]

E-DATERS! | catfishing

SYPNOSIS. moving back to korea from america, y/n is excited to reunite with her old friends and make new ones. what she doesnt expect is to find herself reuniting with her “ex-boyfriend” from 10 years ago who she dated over minecraft. what makes things worse? he happens to be her favorite streamer who she has been pinning after for years.

written + screenshots below!

with a random youtube video playing on one monitor and his minecraft browser running on the other, beomgyu briefly glanced at his second screen, scanning the chat log to see if any join message had appeared.

he had been on his computer for almost an entire 24 hours, not that it was different than his normal routine, but what made it different was the fact that he had been waiting specifically for her the whole time. he spent 2 of those hours exploring the world that he hadnt touched ever since the day he had realized that y/n was not coming back, swarmed with past memories and nostalgia that pressured him into wanting to talk to her again.

13 year old beomgyu waited days for her; when his parents were asleep he would secretly sneak down the stairs to the family desktop and when he would get out of school he would rush back home and go straight to his computer, each time logging back into the game to check for any signs that she might’ve been there.

she said she would only be gone for 2 weeks, but for 5 whole months he waited for her.

even til this day, beomgyu had no clue why he cared so much about the girl he never met. a childish online relationship that managed to have such a tight hold on him.

“this is ridiculous” he scoffed at himself, realizing the situation that he was on that had him waiting on her, again.

“all this for a girl, who for all i know, might not even be a girl!” he threw his hands up in the air, growing frustrated, he moved his mouse to click out of the game and possibly never return to it again.

diamondgirl123 has joined the game.

completely freezing in his tracks, his eyes fixated on the join message and read it over and over again. the tight grip that he had on his mouse loosened, yet his cursor had still hovered over the exit button.

diamondgirl123: hey

diamondgirl123: um sorry for leaving so suddenly earlier, i was just startled

diamondgirl123: its been a while tho, how are u?

furrowing his eyebrows, a million thoughts had swarmed him, causing him to feel conflicted about her sudden appearance. he didnt know why he felt such anger and annoyance, after all, didn’t he stay in hopes that she would show up?

he wanted more from her. that out of those years he was left hanging, didn’t he atleast deserve better than that? disregarding her question, his fingers flew across his keyboard to type a response.

gamerboycbg01: yeah, it has.

gamerboycbg01: why show up now lol, you did a good job disappearing.

he anxiously drummed his fingers against the wooden surface of his desk, beginning to overthink if whether or not his reply was too rude and blunt, considering its been a while since they last spoke. before he could type out an apology, a new message appeared from her.

diamondgirl123: im sorry.

diamondgirl123: do you have a social media we can chat on? ill explain everything there

diamondgirl123: it just feels weird to be having a serious conversation over minecraft lol

gamerboycbg01: uh yeah gimme a sec

with the adrenaline running through him and his anger subsiding at her sudden question, beomgyu felt himself panicking at the thought of having to expose his identity. ripping his headset from his ears, beomgyu bolted across the hallway and opened a door abruptly to jeongin in his computer chair. his knees were pulled tightly towards his chest as he sat back, engrossed in whatever k-drama that he had yet to finish.

his head snapped towards the boy who walked through his doorway, rolling his eyes and continuing to fixate his attention on his screen when he realized the culprit of the interruption.

“ever heard of knocking? what if i was—“

“yeah yeah i dont care” beomgyu interrupted. “i need another twitter account, do you still have the password to the account with a decent amount of followers?

“why? are you planning on catfishing some random girl to prove to us that you are capable of being good with women?” he responded, chuckling lightheartedly at the boy. “because im telling you, the only thing youre going to get out of it is your name trending on twitter and 50 thousand lost followers.”

following his snarky remark, jeongin received a slap towards the back of his head, yelping at the sudden pain.

“alright fine!” jeongin frowned, rubbing the back of his head as if it would aid in settling the sensation.

“yeah i still have it. you better change the account name though,” jeongin said, taking beomgyu’s phone out of his hands to type in the account details. “because the last time i used this account, i was catfishing as some 10 year old girl to catch online predators for content.”

beomgyu hummed in response, obtaining his phone back from jeongins grasp. scrolling through the account, beomgyu made a mental note of the things to change, including the dozens of inappropriate tweets before he could send the profile to you.

“do you think you can give me another name with the same initials as me? cbg?”

previous | masterlist | next

taglist. @openingssequence @suburbiataehyung @shinypieceofgarbage @koeuh @captivq @beowmgyu @qluvrv @ikaeryn @whippedforbeomgyu @i8lhee @heyanonymous123 @vanicogh @sulliefimmie @tae-ology @milkycloudtyg @ox1-lovesick @soobsfairy444 @sulliefimmie @jaxavance @peachenle @pokyloky @peachybeom @alpha-mommy69 @fatoompie @ashxxkook @soobsdior @viagumi @rikismiel @luvsoobs

fun fact! jeongin gave the name bogum because park bogum was the lead actor in the kdrama he was watching 😭

a/n. sorry i didnt post yesterday i literally knocked out when i got homeee. but idk if i will continue daily updates we will have to see, also i caNT WRITE FOR SHIT 😭😭😭

[lipglossanon]

new to tumblr and i cant figure out how to reply to comments but i saw ur rant on infinite darkness and wanted to share my opinion aswell (hope this doesnt come across as rude i just love sharing my feelings abt any RE series😭) but i think the ending is a bit debatable since Leon only stopped her from spreading the chip to protect her long term, bc if the word did get out Claire wouldve been targeted by the government and would have to constantly b in danger(just like what he said to Shen May when she mentioned spreading the news.) But then again the ending was subjective and imo very rushed but i think Leon did a good thing bc he was honestly just watching out for Claire. Anyways i wish our wife got more screentime but im praying they make up for that in death island bc i feel like capcom deprives us of claire content and honestly they water down her character arcs alot past re2. GIVE HER SOME LOVEE CAPCOM PLEAASEE

Hi anon! And it’s all good! 👍

And it definitely doesn’t come across as rude!👌 read more as it’s long 🤣

I can see your point, anon. And I thought of that too kinda distantly lol it’s just going off of how I’ve always seen Leon, it just doesn’t make sense for him to withhold info without at least telling Claire why. She’s been in the shit, she would get it but he’s just like ‘nah I don’t think I will ✌️’ and then just does not try to have her understand his reasoning 😤😤

He literally just let her walk away on bad terms for no reason. Idk I just feel like that wouldn’t happen.

And idk if they were trying to do something to lead up to lore down the road with the new remakes (since they’ve scrapped so much already 😒 but that’s another story lmao). But I’m just not vibing with how they treated these characters 🤷‍♀️

And yess!!! Claire Redfield is a certifiable badass and needs to be represented as such!!! 👏 👏 👏😤😤 I am holding out yhe biggest hope that Capcom does Code Veronica and does it well; that game is such a big turning point in how the future games/story went (and introduces so much!). I’m just worried they’re gonna shaft my girl again 😭 😭

[myfictionaldreams]

hi! i’m that asshole anon :/

at the time i really was just very upset about the fics! theres so many people who don't care to grow and change, or dont care if it “glamourizes” that behavior. it was for sure a knee jerk reaction. i definitely should have chosen my words better and could've for sure been kinder. I do want to say that while the dynamics weren't good your writing is FANTASTIC!!! ive seen you on ao3 and your work is sincerely really good.

i'm sorry that my (rude) message made you feel bad, i think you are an amazing writer and I appreciate you coming back with a nicer response than I would've. I really do feel bad.

your smut is done really well, and i’m hiding behind the anon wall because at first it was just bc i have a *tiny* following. but now its because i’m so very ashamed at my behavior. i do agree that that was shitty and I don’t deserve any kindness or good will.

i can see that you’re a growing writer and I do understand how much those kind of comments can be. again you are a good writer. i think maybe reading those felt like such a shock and I should’ve handled it better, maybe come to you in private with respect and after cooling down. i only wrote that to you because I wasn’t seeing disclaimers for the ones that i was talking about (on ao3)

i sincerely apologize, I hope that I didn’t make you feel bad or discourage you in any way. I was far too harsh and I understand that we are all human and none of us are perfect. I wanted to explain my feelings, but not excuse my actions. i wish i had a time machine. and i appreciate you as a writer, and when the time comes I hope you can forgive me <3

Hi! firstly sorry for taking a few days to respond my personal life has been very hectic & also needed to think about what/how to say my response.

Right, firstly i really really appreciate you returning and apologising and understanding that way that you worded the message was wrong etc and it’s clear from this message you do feel bad and understand that it was wrong so I do want to thank you for that.

However, I really do want to emphasis how difficult these negative/hateful messages make writers feel. This message or any other hate messages I will always remember, particularly when its feedback for things that aren’t intentinal (such as the bdsm dynamic you referred too). Sometimes writing doesn’t always come across how I wanted to in my mind and doesnt mean that it is written with malicious intent. Furthermore, there are ALWAYS warnings on my writing that I do feel like people just half read and don’t fully take into account. Yes, I could have labelled it further to specify that the reader enjoyed to be punished therefore there was pre-agreed consent but as I said, it was one of my very first fanfics so had a lot to learn still.

Again, I really do appreciate your response because every time I reply to a hateful anon, they never come back and I feel like it wasn’t worth the response in the first place so I’m very happy that you’ve actually read my explanation etc and giving me another chance.

Just for future though, for you or ANYONE going to send a message, always do it with kindness and education in mind. It’s hard to see that you have mentioned that you have enjoyed my other work so you know my writing style and still felt that one fic was glamourising something so negative you felt the need to send me a hurtful and patronising message instead of taking a moment to think ‘oh i like the other fics, this one is a bit different maybe i should message just to clarify’ - instead of what was sent in the first place and just assuming that I’m willing to write abusive fics.

But anyway, all is forgiven because I really hate negativity, I hope you are also doing ok, I do believe you are sorry and regret sending the message so everything is absolutely fine, lessons are learnt on both end of this interaction. Sending peace and love ღღ

[silly-zai]

your ocd experience is so valid and youre obviously entitled to your opinions. as someone who has probably a different kind of ocd to you in that it just presents a little differently, kunikida is a character who greatly portrays my experience. i dont think its portrayed very well in the anime but kunikida does have intrusive and obsessive thoughts — his ideals and notebook are him exorcising them. his compulsions are writing and working as a way to ease his anxieties. its very in line with my experience with ocd fjdksh. granted i have autism too so. i get you. i think he has both. i dont mean any disrespect with this ask btw, like you said theyre just hcs and such fjdksh. but yeah i.. wanted to express my take a little. i think its important to consider that other peoples experiences might be different to yours so to generalise a hc based on your own experience can be a little close minded sometimes. i really hope this doesnt come across as rude i did not intend it to fjdksh

Omg ahgahjah ty I was js going off of based on what I'd seen from him bc I'd never rly seen much of the intrusive thoughts in him but ty for telling me I rly appreciate ur perspective

Ik ppl experience it different I didn't mean to like invalidate anyone's experiences r anything i just hadn't rly seen anything that rly struck me as like OCD-like behaviours (idk how to word that better) but maybe I should read back a bit to try see it differently

Thanks idrk how to reply to this properly but I can see what u mean ekakske

[98hong]

No hate but you use a lot of AAVE for a nonblack person. To the point where I thought you were black

wait what seriously?? i avoid even words like lit, bae, simp etc. so i had no idea i was coming across this way, im really sorry about that and i’ll be more careful in the future. can you let me know exactly what things i said that are aave tho so i know not to use it?

[cheekbites-moved]

@lucacrafts replied to your post: idk what the purpose of mystery islands is...

the purpose is finding new villagers & collecting more DIY materials if you’ve exhausted your island for the day, if you want other fruit or flowers you need to trade

mystery islands should be a thing to allow players to obtain All resources, though. that’s what i mean. i don’t see their purpose when they don’t provide you with a genuine variety of resources. not everyone can afford to get nintendo online just to trade with people in animal crossing. especially not in the current situation where people’s income is becoming even more restricted than usual. it’s unfair to bar those people from obtaining foreign resources when mystery islands are a thing & should serve the exact purpose of giving u things u cant get on ur own island.

[nartothelar]

would you consider writing text captions underneath your posts in the future that transcribe your handwriting? its a bit of a struggle for me to read and itd be very helpful. no worries if not, and i hope this doesnt come across as rude!

I have had people voice difficulty in reading my hand writing, so you aren't the only one! Perhaps I can add the captions in the replies of the post?

[mieczyhale]

steve and bucky would celebrate christmas and hanukkah both once they’re finally together and safe again

they love and respect each other, for one thing, and for another.. well, they kind of used to celebrate together as kids - in their own way.

back when they were kids, it wasn’t just steve and sarah spending christmas together. i mean it was, until steve met bucky - bucky with his two parents and his siblings, who quickly inserts himself into steve’s life as if he’d always been there and that includes dropping in for holidays - even if he himself doesn’t celebrate.

a freezing cold evening, steve and sarah bundled up together on the couch (steve significantly the most bundled of course) and they have a tiny tree sitting in the corner - a reject tree, really, that someone had thrown out because of its size and its broken branches (steve’s never identified with a tree before).  bucky and steve had come across it one afternoon on their way home from school. bucky had carried it back to the apartment and stuck it in a flower pot (the plant inside was dead anyway) to keep it standing. 

he had kept an eye out for broken or tossed aside things, pretty things, that he could add to the rogers christmas tree. steve says he doesnt have to of course, the first time he brings in a pocketful of slightly crumpled paper stars, but bucky simply replies “i know” and starts placing them randomly on the little tree. he knows he doesn’t have to, but he wants to. because steve deserves nice things, because steve and his mom both deserve nice things, and bucky is just a kid himself - there isn’t much he can offer, he thinks - but he can do this. 

so steve and sarah have this little tree, decorated with little odds and ends bucky had found over the last two weeks, and for all the sarah works she can’t afford to get her son much - not after buying all the things he needs. she feels a bit bad she could only get him one small gift, but it’s a feeling that passes quickly with how steve’s little face lights up and he thanks her so happily for the stuffed rabbit he clutches close, tells her he loves it, tells her he loves her. she thanks god for giving her the sweetest little boy, and for letting her keep him another year.

there’s a knock on the front door before it opens a little, just enough that bucky pops his head in and asks if he can come in. normally he’d wait after knocking, he did have manners, but it’s so incredibly cold out and he doesn’t want to make the family inside move if they’ve gotten comfortable. steve is even more at risk on nights like this, any warmth he can get even more essential, so just this once he opens the door before getting an answer (he does wait for permission before actually coming in though. he’s not rude)

sarah questions why he’s there, though assures him that it’s not that she minds - bucky is steve’s best friend, and while a little mischievous at times he quickly wormed his way into her heart too - but she worries for the weather (he’s all layered up), if his mother knows where he is (she does). 

bucky holds out two items, almost shy, apologizes that they arent wrapped, he hoped that wasn’t too important to the holiday.

the first thing sarah does, unable to stop herself from smiling, is assure him that wrapping presents is never necessary. the important part is the thought, and the love behind the gift, she says as she takes the gifts from him. one obviously for her, and the other for steve who makes grabby hands until she passes it over with a laugh. bucky stands there, hands folded, bouncing a little on his feet.

he didn’t really have money, so buying anything was out of the question, but he’d gone to his mother for ideas and she’d been a big help. steve and bucky’s moms got along like a house on fire when they ended up in the same room, chatting and laughing like they too had been friends forever. so bucky’s mom goes to her little jewelry box and after a moment pulls out a simple, but pretty, necklace. sarah had complimented her on it before and while she did love it, she thought perhaps sarah would love it more.  inspired by his mom, and finding himself loving the idea of giving steve something of his, bucky picked out his warmest sweater to give the other boy. 

and it was still okay with him. this moment hadn’t changed that somehow, but it did make him feel like he was a part of something else now - something new. to him. something important. not the holiday, not the religion behind it, but these people. this little family. who had welcomed him in and accepted him the first time they met him, who didn’t have a mean bone anywhere between them, who talked about love and their religion because it was a part of them but asked him questions about his own so genuinely, who listened to him no matter what he was saying. 

he watched now as they both took in their gifts with bright smiles, and perhaps teary eyes, and felt warm in a way he hadn’t since leaving his own house. 

his family didn’t celebrate christmas, and that had always been okay with him. they had their own holidays and he loved them. 

sarah who remembered what foods he couldn’t eat and offered him hugs when he was sad, steve who couldn’t get out of bed some days but whose laugh was like sunshine and who wanted to hold his hand while bucky read to him

bucky watched sarah clasp the necklace around her neck carefully, watched steve pull the fluffy sweater over his head - his hair sticking up all over the place afterwards, and the warm feeling stayed. as sarah invited him to stay a bit, to take her spot on the couch and she’d make them all hot cocoa, as he helped steve fix the blankets back over them both, as steve curled up next to him and thanked him - voice soft but eyes intense - and as bucky lightly bonked their heads together like cats, full of some kind of emotion he didn’t know what to do with. but it was good. the warmth grew, and it was good, and bucky hoped he’d helped his best friend have the best christmas he could.

[actualbird]

I like your analysis(es?) so much hh, and apparently my brainworm of the day is the NXX crew getting a flowering cactus called Karla, for some reason. It’s a therapy cactus XD. No other thoughts. - Book

thank you, Book!!! and also wait no get back here and tell me more

KARLA!!! KARLA!!! oh i love her already but please understand that i have so many questions and all those questions have accompanying THOUGHTS oh gosh okay let me just hm wordbarf both those things very messily, you know how i do things

what kind of flowering cactus?

there are so many, afterall.

given that vyn is into botany and gardening, i assume he would have a lot of opinions on this.

actually, ive met a lot of botany hobbyists in my life, and the snobbier ones among them actually HATE cacti (and succulents). theyd say stuff like "oh cacti are the in thing with the millenials these days, theyre the plant people get when they dont know anything about plants."

WOULD VYN BE LIKE THAT, LMAO????? he seems like the type to at least THINK IT.

but also deep down i assume vyn is like "a plant is a plant is a plant" bc among the sweeter botany hobbyists ive met, theyve got this notion that "as long as you help it grow strong through the challenges, u did a good job" WHICH....MAKES ME THINK....VYN THINGS....vyn is not going to admit it, he will never admit it, but hm. what a strange plant. shaped to protect itself yet in need of care all the same.....

ANYWAY if anybody is getting a premeditated-bought cactus for the HXX HQ, you bet that vyn will, one way or another, have some kind of say in what the cactus will be. if it isnt premeditated-bought, he'll definitely have many things to say about the cactus' future care

or does the cactus just kind of appear there? is it brought into the NXX HQ in the dead of the night like jesus in the manger? if that's the case, who brought it?

i think it would be artem. or, well, i think it would be FUNNIEST/PATHETIC-EST if it was artem.

let's just say that a non-NXX and non-MC person decides eyyy, artem, got u a gift, it's a cactus! haha, get it! bc ur a prickly unapproachable dude! and artem is like ".........." BUT LIKE IT'S RUDE NOT TO ACCEPT A GIFT EVEN WITH THE BACKHANDED CRITICISM OF HIS GENERAL STATE OF BEING

so he takes the cactus and like leaves it at NXX HQ because if he brings it to his apartment hes going to get vaguely annoyed by the cactus and what it supposedly represents and he'd want to set it on fire

(sidenote: cacti do not burn well, by the way, ive set some on fire for cacti funerals and sigh, you have to put gasoline on them for a good burn)

anyway he brings the cactus there, leaves it vaguely hoping that the air conditioning will like, kill it (cacti live in the desert, right? so cold...bad?) and then somebody else will go "where the fuck did this dead cactus come from, can we throw it away" and then artem can throw it away (ALONG WITH THE REST OF HIS EMOTIONS. artem...GET HELP....)

but that doesnt happen because get fucked, artem wing

who names it Karla?

naming a plant most often comes from somebody who has gotten VERY ATTACHED TO THAT PLANT. i first thought hmmm maybe it's luke, but then i remembered that luke has this HILARIOUS tendency of making comments about eating MANY ORGANISMS HE COMES ACROSS (ssr shape of you, he threatens to cook and eat goose, chara story ep 1, hes very happy at eating the cooked crabs for their crab crimes, sr aquarium date forgot the name, hes like let's eat seafood SURROUNDED BY HAPPY ALIVE FISH, luke....what the fuck?) so maybe it's not luke and that leaves...

marius von hagen getting attached to a cactus and naming it is SO FUNNY TO ME but also makes me soft. hes the first one who sees the cactus in HQ and is like "who the fuck left this here?" //big data lab googling what it is. "well good thing it's fine with cold temps wouldve died if not, you cant just leave a thing in a place...with no warning....with no help...thats tough....huh, thats tough, isnt it, cactus?"

am i saying that marius von hagen gets attached to the cactus because it vaguely reminds him of his own life story of being pushed into very stressful circumstances and essentially left to fend for himself? yeah. yeah. because im deranged

"the cactus' name is karla," marius says at the next meeting, spraying the cactus with a mist bottle. "be nice to her or else im biting you."

who declares it a "therapy cactus"? aka who realizes that literally EVERYBODY else on the team is, one way or another, projecting themselves and/or their desires onto the PLANT???

luke. luke does. luke has the habit of dissociating and spiraling at any given moment when he encounters anything even ADJACENTLY related to what hes going through (again, sr aquarium date, luke u were just looking at the jellyfish, WHY R U GETTING DEPRESSED PHILOSOPHICAL OVER LIFESPANS???? SIR, GET HELP.....), so like lol he can clock that shit in from a mile away because hes the worst offender of that too

he doesnt bring it up of course. i mean, im sure he thinks about it because it's just the right kind of shithead move to pull just in case the others try to push him around again but mc gets mad at him when he goes agent scary at the rest of the boys so okaaayyyy he'll retaliate against getting dunked on in a more...civil way. so he doesnt bring it up. he also doesnt bring it up because...

well, if it makes them happy, then it makes him happy. thats all that matters to him

"keep making them all happy, yeah?" luke absentmindedly says to the cactus one day. "i heard you guys can live for a hundred years."

the cactus, of course, does not reply.

mc gets very into taking care of karla. pls expect many conversations where the boys are talking about the "cactus" (theyre talking about themselves) and mc is just like "okay im 90% sure this is a metaphor, you guys aint slick, but i like this cactus very much and thats true whether it's a metaphor or not."

all the boys: //PLEADING EMOJI WITH HEARTS

thanks for making me go insane over a cactus, Book. it's 8am here.

[bananannabeth]

@every anon who is sending me questions asking if their relationship with an age gap is healthy:

if you feel insecure enough about the relationship to message me, a total stranger, asking if it’s okay, you’re obviously already doubting that you’re ready for it or that they’re the right person for you to date rn. so don’t do it. just wait. there is literally no need to rush into anything. and if they truly care about you they’ll respect that decision and be happy to wait as well.

[veniteme]

Hunting for Gems

season preview

ash island x reader

prev | next

When Ash Island is forced to participate as a producer for the latest season of Show Me the Money, he knows it won't be easy. But when his partner is you, a rising producer from H1GHR, maybe it won't be as bad as he thought.

2k words

As you stand before the door to the waiting room, heart thudding loudly in your chest, you think back to when the KIFF boys were in your studio eating cake a week ago.

“What am I supposed to do?” you slap Rohan’s arm vigorously as you panic. “How am I supposed to act around him?” The rest of the boys had already left, allowing you to freak out in relative privacy.

You’ve been an avid fan of Ash Island since his days on High School Rapper 2. Once he started releasing music, your infatuation with him only increased. When Jay informed you that you’d be working with him for the entire season of Show Me the Money, your brain immediately worked itself into a frenzy. On one hand, you were excited to meet someone whose music you loved. On the other, how were you expected to function properly next to him with the entire world watching through a camera?

“Okay, first thing you need to do,” Rohan starts, “is stop hitting me! You may be weak, but if you hit me enough it starts to sting okay? And second, just be normal? Act how you usually do.” He makes it sound so easy, as if you won’t die on the spot the moment the two of you make eye contact.

“That is under the assumption that I am able to think with him sitting next to me. And alright, let’s say I am actually capable of saying more than two words in his presence, what if he doesn’t like me? What if he thinks I’m weird or annoying?” You’ll be crushed if this person that you’ve admired for so long decides he doesnt like you.

“Then he’d be a good judge of character?” You hit Rohan even harder. “Ow! Relax, I was just kidding. Look, I’ve known the guy for a couple years now, and he has no right to call someone else weird. Plus, he’s one of the chillest guys I know. You’ll be fine. From what I’ve seen recently, the only time you need to be worried is when the cameras are on.”

“What do you mean?”

-----

While you stood outside the door, Ash is inside, staring nervously at the production crew setting up the cameras. Unlike you, he is not nervous about the two of you meeting. He’s worked with countless artists, featured on so many songs, he is used to interacting with people he didn’t know. What actually scares him is having to be a functioning human being in front of all these cameras.

He’s never done a such a big production like this, never seen so many cameras all pointed at him, capturing his every move. Thinking about all the eyes that will be watching him through that lens gives him anxiety. Normally, he’d be drinking right now to take off a bit of the edge. However, he doesn't think that would help with this cold bad boy image he is already starting to have. On top of being a jerk, the public will then think he was an alcoholic.

Just when he thinks he'll burst from nerves, you decide to walk through the door, a welcome distraction from all the thoughts running through his head.

-----

The first thing you see as you walk in is the production crew. All you are filming today are some short interviews to introduce the producer teams. They’ll be airing it as a teaser for the new season. You bow your head in greeting to the staff as you head to your seat. And that’s when you see him.

The two of you make eye contact, both looking up at the same time. And then you freeze; your brain short-circuits and for a second, all you can do is stare. Ash Island, the guy whose songs take up a good chunk of your playlist, is sitting there, right in front of you.

You break out of your stupor when you hear his voice. “Hey, what’s up?” he says casually. And you realize you’re being incredibly rude to someone who is older and a senior in the industry.

“Hello! I’m Saf. I’m a producer for H1GHR Music,” you introduce yourself officially.  

He chuckles a bit. “Yeah, I know. We’ve seen each other at the H1GHR-Ambition parties.”

“Right,” you say nervously. And you guys had met before, but you didn’t think he’d remember. He was always across the room or on the opposite end of the table, so you two never really interacted. In fact, this is the first time you’ve heard his voice, and not through a song on your phone.  

“So did you want to sit down?” he asks. You’ve just been standing in front of him for a while.  

“Oh!” you immediately take a seat. Now what are you supposed to say? Thankfully, he decides to fill the silence.

“You're friends with Rohan right?” he asks. Not really who you’re thinking about at the moment, but you'll take it.

“Yeah, I am. We're in the same crew,” you explain. “Why, did he say something about me?” you ask, feigning nonchalance. If Rohan said anything remotely embarrassing about you to Ash Island, you were ready to kill him.  

“Oh no, I just remembered him drunk-dialing me last night to wish me luck on the show.” You laughed, making a comment about how dumb Rohan was sometimes. And that’s how the rest of your conversation went until you started shooting, sharing dumb stories about your mutual friend.

-----

SHOW ME THE MONEY SEASON X

Team ASH ISLAND x SAF Q&A

The two are seated side-by-side in front of the camera. Ash Island is looking quite stiff and uncomfortable, while Saf has an easy smile on her face.

Please introduce yourselves.

After a glance at Ash Island, Saf begins her introduction with a bow.

Saf: Hello, everyone. My name is Saf, I’m a producer for H1GHR Music.

Following her lead, it seems Ash Island takes his first breath since the camera started rolling.

Ash Island: Hi, guys. I’m Ash Island from Ambition Musik.

Did you two know each other before the show?

Saf: Well, of course I don’t think there’s anyone interested in Korean hip hop right now that doesn’t know Ash Island. But we’ve also seen each other in passing at events and parties and such. This is my first time really talking to him though.

As she talks, Ash Island appears to loosen up just the slightest. He directs his gaze to Saf when he speaks.

Ash Island: [to Saf] You… can just call me Ash.

Saf looks at him in surprise, her cheeks just the slightest shade darker, undetectable to most.

-----

“WHY DID THEY EDIT IT LIKE THAT?” Rohan’s obnoxious laughter in the background is only furthering your agitation.

“Come on,” Rohan lets out between spurts of laughter. “That had nothing to do with the editing. Don’t tell me that wasn’t exactly how it felt when he looked at you.”

Unable to refute his claim, all you say is “Whatever.”

“Did they have to put in the romantic background music and CGI cherry blossoms though?” you complain.

Ignoring your best friend’s following fit of laughter, you begrudgingly hit play once again.

-----

“Duuuuude I didn’t realize you were so smooth!”

“Our Bition Baby is all grown up!”

“You can just call me Ash,” Changmo repeats in a sickeningly sweet voice.

“What are you guys talking about?” Ash asks, only slightly annoyed that his labelmates had interrupted his studio time. He wasn’t making much progress today anyway.

“Did you not watch the Show Me previews last night?” Hash Swan asks.

“No, I thought I’d avoid the embarrassment of seeing myself on national TV,” Ash replies. He was there when it happened, he didn’t need reminders of how awkward he was on camera.

“Alright, you have to watch this,” Leellamarz says, pulling up the reposted video on Youtube.

-----

You guys are the youngest producer team in the history of the show. Do you feel pressured by this fact?

Saf: [to Ash] Do you want me to answer this one?

He looks at her and nods wordlessly. She smiles at him in return before addressing the camera.

Saf: Of course, working next to such big names and artists can be quite intimidating. But I think as long as we put out work that we can be proud of, I will be satisfied.

Saf: But I would appreciate it if the viewers would look kindly upon us as it is our first time on this show. I’m kind of a wimp; I think I’d be pretty hurt if I saw we were receiving hate comments.

Saf’s smile indicates she’s only joking, and the production team can be heard laughing behind camera.

Ash: I doubt anyone in their right mind would send you hate.

Saf: Why not?

Ash: All you do is sit and smile and release music. What could anyone possibly say about you?

Saf: …I’ll take that as a compliment.

Ash: It was one.

-----

“I hope you know that if you break her heart,” Changmo starts, “I’m petitioning to kick you out of the company. I am NOT risking losing an invite to AOMG-H1GHR parties because of you.”

Ash rolls his eyes. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, dude. Glad to know you have so much faith in me. But also, chill out. I haven’t even done anything yet.”

“Yet? So you are planning on making a move?” Hash Swan questions. Ash sighs. Why are these guys reading so much into everything he says?

“No, I am not making a move, I barely know her,” Ash refutes. “She’s just a producer that I will be working with for the next couple months.” That day was the first time he’d ever talked to you. There is no reason to get excited about anything just yet, even if he does think you have a nice smile.

“Come on, Ash. She’s not just a producer,” Leellamarz points out. Ash is a bit wary of where he’s going with this-

“She’s a very cute producer.” -and rightfully so. Ash really can’t catch a break with these guys. They all burst out laughing, and Changmo gives Leella a high-five.

“Whatever,” Ash mutters. “Why the sudden interest in my love life anyway?”

“Wow, you’re not even gonna try and deny that you think she’s cute?” Hash asks. This guy is way too observant.

“I have eyes. How am I supposed to not think she’s cute?” Ash says bluntly.

“You know, contrary to what you may believe, not everybody has to find her cute,” Changmo says, mostly just to tease him. “Maybe she’s just not my type,” he shrugs.

“Yeah, that’s because she’s actually nice,” Ash retorts. “And we all know that isn’t your type.”

“That’s never been your type either, Ash, so why the sudden change of heart?” Leella asks.

“Maybe I’m looking for a change of pace,” Ash says with a noncommittal shrug. This is all hypothetical anyway. It’s not like he’s planning on asking you out or anything. He just thinks you’re cute, there is no reason for the guys to make such a big deal out of it.

“Yeah, well be careful. You’re going to make some very scary people mad if you mess around with her,” Changmo warns.

“Please, the H1GHR guys are like literally the nicest guys on the planet. I think I’m safe,” Ash says.

“That’s not who I’d be worried about if I were you.”

-----

a/n: let me know what you think!! was the official show part too short? are there parts that sound weird/awkward? first time writing full fics so i'm always open to feedback!

[brelione]

Endgame(Kiara Carrera X Reader)

Request:with kie with a like super rich kook SO and bringing them to meet the rest of the pogues and they all expect to hate them but then not

Kiara had never liked you.Well, she had never reallly met you.She kind of just assumed you were a bitch.You were what Sarah Cameron thought she was, you came from a ridiculously rich family.

Your mother was a brain surgeon and your father was a famous actor so that obviously meant that you were ridiculously rich.Kie had done a lot of research on you, finding your name on your fathers wikipedia page and from there finding your blog where you posted videos of him behind the scenes and personal interviews with him on your youtube channel.

She was up for 16 hours straight watching all of your videos, memorising your intro song.You had a good one million subscribers, posting a lot of blogs and videos showing things that you had found on the beach.She would blush and giggle at your little comments.

 “Hey, beautiful people!Its your bitch and today im gonna show you guys my new surf board because my old one got broke on an accident.I mean, my wrist also broke so if you were gonna comment on it, trust me.I definitely noticed.So before I get into this video I just want to talk about mental health really quickly.”You paused to take in a quick breath, speaking a bit too fast.

Theres a new suicide game and its getting across social media really quick so please do me a favor and stay safe.It doesnt matter what the problem is now, its only temporary and suicide is a permanent solution.I linked some suicide hotlines and free therapy sources in the description so please just keep yourselves healthy and happy for me, okay?Okay, cool.”You licked your lips, calming down from the quick rant.

“Also drink some fucking water!Its hot out and I almost passed out the other day and make sure you get a snack because this video is already fifteen minutes long and im probably gonna be ranting for another hour.”You grinned at the camera.

Kiara bit into a carrot stick, her knees on her chest as she sat in the recliner of her living room. “Watching another documentary?”Her mother asked, noticing that her daughter hadnt moved in hours.Kie shrugged, focusing on you as you dropped your surfboard. “This is exactly how I broke the first one-fuck!”You laughed, picking it back up.

Eventually the boys started to spam her phone, interrupting her binge watching.She left her house with a sigh, walking out to the dock and waiting for the pogues.Thats when she heard your voice.It was quiet as you walked, wearing white jeans and a light blue button up shirt.

 “So you guys always ask me to show you the beach that I find all of my seashells at so thats what we’re-”You paused, looking over to Kiara.She quickly looked away, pretending to be busy on your phone. “Sorry guys, I just saw a really pretty girl.”You whispered to your phone, continuing your walk.

From there she finally worked up the courage to talk to you.She couldnt simply message you on instagram, you had hundreds of thousands of followers so her dm would get lost with all the others.

So she found her prettiest outfit and walked to your house, knocking on the door.You looked at her through the camera of your doorbell, knowing that you had seen her before.You set down your lap top as you were editing, going to answer the door. 

“Hi...um...hi.”She laughed, not planning on getting this far. “Hi, um...what’s up?”You cringed at your words. “Nothing much.I just live a block away and I just thought id say hi...im sorry.”She laughed again, becoming more anxious.

 “Its fine!So um...I dont know, do you wanna maybe hang out sometime?”You asked, leaning against your doorway.She licked her lips, trying her best not to blush. “Yeah, yeah ok.Um...could I get your number?”She asked, holding her phone.

You nodded, giving her your phone number and telling her to text you whenever.Once the door was closed and she had left you were a squealing mess on your couch, recording. 

“So you guys know that pretty girl I was talking about that I saw?Yeah so I just got her number and im low key freaking out-oh god lets just hope she doesnt watch my channel!”You laughed before finishing the editing process, uploading it to youtube.

Kiara got the notification while she was washing her face, watching the video and absolutely losing her mind.She buried her face in her pillow, squealing before deciding to text you.

Unknown number:hey!Its Kiara.Do you wanna hang out tomorrow?

You smiled, letting out a sigh.You screenshotted it, knowing that it would be fun to look back at in the future.

You:Sounds good!Do you want to come over and we can get coffee or lunch or something?

Kie:Okay!!12?

You:Works for me :)

Kie:Okay!

You were anxious the whole night, trying to figure out what to wear.You couldnt decide, posting a poll on your instagram.They decided that you’d be wearing a dark green romper and sandals.You went to bed early since you’d have to wake up before afternoon, heart pounding.

When you woke up it was eleven and you were already behind, hopping in the shower quickly, drying your hair and brushing it, trying to get it to a soft texture.You didnt want to look like you were trying too hard, deciding not to use all of the hair products you’d usually put in your hair before a meeting or a date.

You got into your outfit quickly, pinning your pin back with bobby pins so you could moisturize your face, grabbing your box of beads and parting your hair.You braided the two groups of hair that framed your face, intertwining the beads along the way, securing it with an elastic.

You sighed, twisting a golden flower ring onto your pinkie before going down stairs to sit in your large living room, waiting for Kiara.Your doorbell alerted you to motion outside, getting excited when you saw Kiara walking up to your front door.

She was wearing a pink tube top, light washed jeans with her hair half up and half down, bracelets hugging her wrists.You got up, answering the door the second she rung the bell. “Hi.”You smiled, phone in your pocket.

 “Hi.”She smiled back, looking up and down at you.The two of you got into your car, you driving as you started your drive to a cafe. “So how are you?”You asked, realising you knew nothing about her. “Im good, what about you?”She asked, hands in her lap. “I was up all night editing which obviously sucked but you know, it is what it is.”You replied, biting your lip.

She smiled, knowing she’d end up watching the video. “Editing what?Like an edits account on instagram?”She asked, cringing at how stupid it sounded.You shook your head, slowing down once you got to the main road, searching for a parking spot.

 “No, I have a youtube channel.I kind of just post random shit and hope for the best.”You answered, pulling up next to the cafe.She nodded, turning to look at you. “That’s cool, what kind of stuff do you post?”She asked, resting her chain against her palm.

You bit your lip, glancing over at the cafe. “I post a lot of interviews and random videos of my dad and sometimes he’ll take me to a set with him and i’ll take videos with the cast.I got to meet Scarlet Johannson so thats cool.”You replied, unbuckling your seatbelt.She grinned.

 “Thats fucking awesome-were they in a movie together?”She asked, wanting to hear you talk more. “A show thats coming to Netflix soon, its kind of like a murder mystery meets greek mythology and my dad plays Zeus.We should watch it together.”You answered.

The car was cool but you felt hot, probably because her eyes were focused on you.She nodded, liking the idea of hanging out with you more. “That’d be awesome.”The two of you went inside, the barista grinning at you.

She had always liked you and liked showing up in your vlogs when you came in to get your coffee with boba.She looked to the unknown girl beside you, a small pout on her face. “What can I get for you ladies?”She asked, already preparing your coffee. 

“What do you want, Kie?”You asked, moving aside so she could see the menu. “Uhhh….whats a green frappe?”She asked, squinting at the menu. “Oh-its like a blended matcha latte with like mint and vanilla.It's really good.”You explained.

The two of you sat with your drinks, Kiara laughing as you stabbed the boba bubbles at the bottom of your cup. “You know whats cool?These straws are made of hemp plastic so its-”She cut you off before you could finish.

 “Biodegradable?”She asked.You nodded, glad someone finally knew what you were talking about. “Yeah!And the company is awesome, they have like 10% of sales going to help the Amazon rain forests and another 10% going to help clean the ocean.”You smiled, taking a sip of coffee.

The afternoon had ended with the two of you on the beach, taking photos of eachother discretely while you finished your drinks, searching for sea glass and watching the sun set.Kiara was freaking out on the inside, knowing that she was pretty much dating a celebrity.

It didnt take long after that first day for her to start showing up in your videos.You held your camera as you two walked down the beach, her hand holding yours and twirling you every once in a while, flashing a smile to the camera. 

“So we’re currently on our way to a place that Kie will not tell me about because shes rude.”You spoke, turning the camera to face you.Kiara simply laughed, placing her chin on your shoulder. “Uh...no its because im good at planning surprises.”She answered, grinning when you gasped.

Two surfboards were on the sand along with a blanket and a basket full of fruits, veggies and sandwiches.You cut the camera, giggling and pulling her into a kiss. “Love you.”She grinned, giggling.

 “Love you too.”You replied, looking down at the boards.It didnt take long for the two of you to be in only your swimsuits, grabbing the boards and heading towards the water.You clipped the camera to your board, making sure it was secure before stating to film, catching a few good waves on camera before focusing more on Kie.

 “There she is, showing off for you guys.”You zoomed in on Kiara as she rode the wave, twisting her body to get a beautiful spin on the dark blue wave.She disappeared under the water, resurfacing with a smile and hair on her face, swimming towards you.

 “Did you see that?”She asked, a proud smirk tugging at her lips.You nodded. “How could I miss it?”You asked, earning an eye roll from your girlfriend. “Shut up.”She splashed you, letting out a loud laugh when you splashed back at her.

Turning off the camera, laying on your stomachs against your boards, holding hands so you wouldnt drift away from eachother.It was heaven. “So...ive been thinking lately.”She started, a nervous look on her face.

You raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue. “And I think I want you to meet my friends.”She tapped her fingernails against your surfboard, waiting anxiously for your answer.She had told the boys all about you.

About how you had a huge following on youtube, how your dad was an actor and how you lived in the biggest house on figure eight.She had tried her best to tell them that you werent like the others, that you were fantastic and humble.

But of course they didnt believer her and ‘would believe it when they saw it’.She knew that if she didnt end up introducing you to them sooner or later that she’d lost the chance to introduce you at all.

You nodded, considering it. “Yeah, okay.When?”You asked, hoping you’d at least have time to think about this. “Tomorrow.”She replied, wincing when you let out a small shout. “Tomorrow?Shit-Kie, im not ready!”You exclaimed, covering your mouth when you realised how loud you had been. 

“Babe, chill.Let me pick out your outfit and it’ll be fine.”She insisted.You gave in, the two of you paddling back to the sand, wrapping up in your towels and sitting on the blanket, eating some cutie oranges.

She spent the night at your house, holding on tight to you even though the two of you were in a king sized bed and she had more than enough space to spread out like a starfish.

The morning came too fast, Kiara raiding your closet for something appropriate for the occasion, pleased when she came across a black bathing suit and a yellow shirt along with some jeans, tossing them at you. 

“Babe, you gotta get up.”She told you, already dressed and ready to go.You groaned, finally getting up a few minutes later, slowly changing and not even bothering to pick up your pajamas.You were still sore from last night, stretching your limbs as you pulled the jeans up your body.The boys were spamming her phone, making her annoyed.

Dumb Blonde:Where are you guys

God:Are you bringing them with you

Trash Rat:Dont bring them with you 

Trash Rat:The place is a mess

Trash Rat:Kie

Trash Rat:Kiara

Trash Rat:Kiara Madelyn Klark Carrera

God:Where are you guys

Dumb Blonde:Wait are they the one with the dad that was in that one movie

She ignored their texts, turning off her notifications and sending you a quick smile, promising to get you an iced coffee on the way.You were half asleep in the passengers seat until she handed you a french vanilla iced coffee, slowly becoming awake.

By the time you had finished your coffee she had pulled into John.B’s drive way, hand on your thigh in attempts to calm you down. “You’re gonna be fine, babe.Everyone likes you, they just havent met you yet.”She grinned, getting out of the car.

You squeezed her hand, following her into the house.The boys were all sitting on the couch, looking up once the two of you had entered.JJ immediately looked you up and down, raising an eyebrow.You felt a bit insecure, trying to figure out what he thought of you.

 “This is (Y/N).(Y/N), these are the boys.Thats John.B, thats JJ and thats Pope.”She pointed to each of the boys.The tension in the room was ridiculous until Kiara pulled you into her lap, the boys looking between eachother. “So whats it like having a movie star as a dad?”JJ asked, the first one to speak up.

You bit your bottom lip, pulling at the skin on your hands. “umm...its really cool sometimes.Chris Hemsworth is a family friend so thats cool but like...I cant go anywhere with him when he’s home without getting followed around and there was this one teenage girl stalking him once and she was climbing our house and was watching me sleep.”You answered, relieved when you heard Pope chuckle. 

“Wait, actually?Thats so scary.”He replied, the two of you beginning to calm down a bit.You, John.B and JJ were all conversating about Chris Hemsworth, all of them asking a lot of questions.

 “Wait-who else have you met from the Avengers?”John.B asked. “I met Scarlet Johanson and Chris Evans.”You replied.Kiara smacked your leg. “You met Christ Evans and never told me?”She asked, outraged.

You rolled your eyes, pulling out your phone to show them the vlog that Chris had made an appearance in.Kiara was just confused as to why she had never seen it before you informed her that it was private. 

“Ew-ignore my face.Just wait a few seconds.”You told them, the phone between the circle that had ended up forming. “Oh my god!Its Chris Evans!”JJ shouted, staring at the phone.Chris had leaned over your shoulder, saying a quick ‘hello’ to the camera before Scarlet stole it from you. 

“This is Scarlet Johannson and I have decided to take over my new role as (Y/N)’s mom.Im sorry (Y/M/N) but they’re mine now.”She smiled.Her hair had been dyed a light blonde, red lipstick and light eyeshadow.

You had been freaking out the whole time. “Wait-will you ever see her again?”JJ asked.You hummed, sure that she’d be making an appearance for a Christmas Party. “Can you tell her I love her, please?”He asked, face red. “She reaches my vlogs-do you guys want to be in one?”You offered, remembering that you had your camera in your bag.

They all agreed, excited as you took out your camera, Kiara holding onto you. “So Kiara introduced me to her friends today and JJ has a special message for Scarlet.”You grinned, pointing the camera towards him. “Marry me, please.”He winked, giggling.

Pope flashed a peace sign at the camera, John.B sticking out his tongue and doing finger guns. “This is John.B and this is Pope, and then we have Kie as always.”You pointed the camera at her.She bit her lip, winking at the camera and making you laugh.

 “Oh my god- what is this vlog.”You shook your head, turning off the camera.When you had posted the vlog that night you were spammed with comments demanding JJ’s instagram and of course you had to give the people what they wanted.

JJ was more than happy to have a ton of pretty girls hyping him up in his comments, Pope getting a lot of attention as well.Scarlet had made sure to let you know that she had watched it and to tell JJ that he was too young for her but she was flattered by the offer.But then your instagram was being spammed.You were being tagged in dozens of edits of you and Kie along with one of you and JJ.But the comments on that one were so funny.

Kieand(Y/N)4life:bruh no

(Y/N)officialfanpage:no <3

(Y/N)officialfanpage:Kiara and them are meant to be bb

Kiara(Y/L/N):Kiara and them are meant to be buddy

KIEANDYNAREENDGAME:uhhh isnt it confirmed that Kiara and (Y/N) are dating?

“They’re catching on.”You told Kie, sitting down on the bed and showing her all the things you were tagged in.She grinned, telling you to post and make it official. “You sure?”You asked.She nodded, fixing her hair as you got ready to take a photo, kissing her cheek. She bit her lip, watching you type.

We are endgame.

@poguestyleskye  @jjtheangel @lovelyelinor @messuhp  @outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee  @on-socks-off  @abbiesthings @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @i-love-scott-mccall​

[arthurflecksgirl]

Subway scene /Arthurs POV

The subway is moving forwards, while everything inside of me is standing still. Frozen. Numb even. The numbness takes over me, except for the real bad headache. I shouldnt have done that. Hurting myself. But sometimes I just cant help it. Sometimes the sadness turns into anger and I dont want to hurt anyone, so I punish myself instead of anyone else. Instead of the people that hurt me all my life. I just sit there and take it, and try to cry my eyes out afterwards, but I cant even do that. Not a tear.

Silence. At least on the outside. Inside of me silence doesnt excist.

I don`t say much. I would love to talk a lot actually, but I gave it up when I realized that people won`t listen anyway. I prefer to write in my jornal nowdays. Its saver for me. My journal can`t missunderstand me. At least I hope so.

But yeah… if only they would give me the chance to explain myself. They would notice that I`m a good guy.  But they won`t. To them it doesnt matter how big my heart is or that is filled with lonelyness. I do write my jokes for OTHER people. To make them happy. To be seen as someone who want to spread positivity. But they remain unheard. My jokes are only scribbles in my journal. At least up until now. I`ve got the feeling that change is about to come. Like….I can feel soemthing growing inside of me. Not sure what it is though. Its just a gut feeling but trusting my feelings is another story...

I look outside the window. Graffitys on the dirty surface cover half of my reflection. Half of my face, a blurr. Funny because thats how I feel right now. I notice how worn out my face must seem to others. A sad eyed clown, abandoned from the rest of the world. I can`t smile for anyone today. Not after Hoyt fired me. How could I ever tell my mum when I get home? I just told her that she shouldt worry about money, or me. That my stand ups are ready for the big clubs. And now I got nothing left.  Not even my job, which I loved. Mum and I didnt had much money but it was enough to get us through. What now? She`ll be so dissappointed in me. I wanted make her proud. I wanted her to watch her son up on the stage, thinkng “I`m so proud of him. He really made it. ” But all she is going to say now is “Oh happy. I guess you just weren`t funny enough”.

I turn around and face the seats, trying to get eye contact with a lady. I crave human connection so much. It would feel so good if she would just look me in the eye for a second. It would be like a proof that I am here and people notice. But she doesnt. Maybe she`s too caught up in her own thoughts. Maybe she questions her own existence just like me.

The doors open, she gets up and leaves. A deep sigh is escaping my painted lips. Three guys are getting in, talking about a girl they danced with. The conversation caughts my attention. Sounds like they were at a dance club or something. I`ve never been at one, so I try to hear all the details about how a normal guy would manage to make out with a girl. I really could need some good advice, but after only a few seconds I realize that the guys must be drunk. One of them claims that the girl was in love with him, while his buddy says it aint true. Nothing to learn here.

It is now that I realized that there is a pretty girl sitting across me. “Want some french fries?” one of the drunk guys asks her and the way he does so makes me feel uncomfortable.  Him trying to get her attention feels wrong.

“Helloooo?” .

“No, thank you” The girl seems annoyed. “They`re real good!”  he says, before he starts throwing the food at her.  “C`mon” the other one says “He`s being nice to you”.

The girl just wants to read her book. Why would they even bother her? I have never been on a date before but this sure isnt how I woud treat a woman. I would try to be a gentleman. To become a beautiful memory which she writes down in her diary when the day is done. I want to become a romanic page in a womans diary. A poem. A lover.

I take a look at the cover of what she is reading. Alice in wonderland. I like that. Alice knew how to create a world of her own. Reality couldnt bother her anymore. But her dream world did. I guess there is just no way to escape your own mind.

I get nervous, noticing that she makes eye contact with me. I was longing for eye contact just minutes ago but now that this pretty girl looks right at me I`m sweating.  I guess she wants me to say something to them. To step in and tell them to leave her the fuck alone. The friendly clown looks like he could help her out. And I want to. I want to stop them so bad. I want to get up to those guys and tell them to fuck off. To leave the girl alone with her book, Alice and her imagination. But my body won`t let me. I am frozen. My legs won`t move. I`m just sitting there. What kinda man am I, to not help her out? Just a sad clown on the subway. Nothing more. All I wanna do is cry.

And there it comes….. hmmm... haha. I shake my head. No. please not now. Not in front of a pretty girl and some bullies. This is bad. I`m in deep shit now.  I can`t hold it back. The pain. The urge to cry, to shout out. To scream.

The laughter. Its making its way up my throath again. I want it to stop! At the same time there is something inside of me that acually thinks that this is funny. Those drunk idiots trying to impress a girl by throwing french fries at her and I`m actually hoping to learn something here when they came in. What a joke.

I can tell  by their dirty looks that I already caught attention . The wrong kinda attention. the kind of attention I`ve never asked for. Leave me alone to cry.

“Is something funny, asshole?” his voice is hurting me. I try to tell him that he should ignore my laughter by gestures, but he doesnt get it. I guess the girl is scared of me now which makes it all so much worse.. She passes me by,disappearing, as the guys throws stuff at her “Bitch!”

Hahahahhahahah. I reach the point of pain right now. My throath feels sore from trying to hold it back.  My heart tired from asking myself why I am still laughing.

And just as the pain starts to spread its fire on my insides, the guy comes up to me, starting to sing. I know that song. I know it well.  “Isnt it rich? Are we a pair? Me here at last on the ground. You in mid air. Send in the clowns.”

A chalkboard.  Chairs. That smell. My teacher looking at me like i´m a freak. Fists. And more fists.

With every step he comes closer I get flashbacks from getting bullied at scool. The look in his face. in his eyes. I know that kinda look. He`s a fucking bully. And I`m his victim.  Nothing new I know. But that song…it really gets me. I love Frank Sinatra. His music means so much to me. It hurts that this guy is using it against me like a weapon.

“Isnt it bliss. Dont you appprove? One who keeps tearing around, one who cant move?”

Yeah….thats right……hahahahhaah I CANT move while you are dancing around like an idiot. Hurting me. Do you have any idea how much you are hurting me? Look at my face. I´m hurt. I`m in pain. But people never notice and you keep on dancing. You`re the one who is laughing. Not me. I`m crying while I have to listen to your terrible interpretation of Send in the clowns.  You can`t even carry a fucking tune!!!!

“Send in the cloooooowwwnnnsss” he sings, his eyes focused on me in a disgusting way, while the other one is sitting down next to me. I feel intimitated as he grabs my Carnival wig, exposing my real hair , while I cant stop laughing with pain in my eyes. Not the wig. Please not the wig. I need it. I cant afford another one and I have to find a new job as a clown soon.

“There ought to be CLOOOOOOOWWWWNNSSS…..” the first one looks at me in anger, the second one putting my wig on, laughing right into my face. I can smell the alcohol in his breath. The way he laughs at me. So rude. Just like back in scool. I`m back in scool. This is a nightmare.  Why would they want to hurt me? Don`t they realize I just want to be left alone?  I wish they would go away. Why is no one else around? But I guess I dont deserve someone saving me. I wasnt even able to hold them back from annoying the girl.

“So tell us buddy. Whats so fuckin funny?”

“Nothing!”. Finally my chance to explain myself.

Hahahhahahah “I have….I have a condition” I try to catch my breath. Its so hard to breathe, so hard to talk between the laughs. My hand reaches for the card. I  have to read it out loud, so they know.

Its too late.

“I´ll tell you what you have, asshole” he replies, grabbing my bag. I try to get it back, but the other is fast, holding me back. Grabbing me violently from behind, while the first one tries to attack me. I cant belive this is happenening.

I cant use my arms. This is worse than being handcuffed. I kick the guy in front of me. Kinda shocked I was able to make a move.

“We got a kicker, huh?” he says. “Hold him steady, hold him steady” he screams, right fore he punshes me right in the face ,so hard that the other one lets go of me. The next thing I feel is hitting the ground. Hard.  Lying there with a sharp pain that makes its way althrouh my body. I lie on my right side. My ribs hurt´. My head is pounding, hands  touching the dirty ground, trying to figure out if this is really happening ? I cant move. Freezemode is taking over. . I just cant do anything but take it like a good, little boy.

I`m a kid. Just a kid again. And its dark. And I dont know where I am. Or what day it is.

“Stay down,freak!“

Happy

Freak

Arthur, my name is Arthur.

They kick me in the back.Harder. All three of them now.  

For a moment I am afraid they will kick me to death. Three guys and some clown, paralyzed on the floor? I could definitaly die in here and no one will ever know. I`m not afarid of dying. But this isnt how I want to go. Not on the floor. Not while getting kicked by some assholes. They would step over my dead body and I would remain invisible..I cant let them do this to me. Not again.

Is this my inner voice talking? The one I used to feel lately? Is this the blurry part of my reflection?

I feel my left  arm moving and  remember the gun. The fucking gun Randall gave to me. The weapon that brought me nothing but trouble. Maybe this thing will be good for something eventually. Maybe it will save my life. Well Randall. Sorry for ruin your plan.

Those guys will get what they deserve now.

Bang! Bang!

That was fast. One is already on the ground.

Bang! Bang!

I never thought it could be so easy to defend yourself.

The other one is hitting the subway door.

There is blood but  no time to take a look at it. The third one tries to run away as I fire the gun one more time. I only caught his leg. He`s liping, as I grab my stuff, trying to catch my breath. To get my thoughts straight. The gun in my hand. God. there is a gun in my hand. Still. For a brief moment I seem to lose all orientation. Did i just killed someone? What should I do now? What about the third one? My mind is all over the place.

Breathe, Arthur. Breathe. I have a lump in my throath. Not sure if from the laughing or from the panic.

The sound of the guy banging against the subway door awakens me from my thoughts. The door opens and he tries to get away. But he won`t. I`m a fast runner and he can barely walk. I have to finish this now. Just one more guy. I have to bring this to an end. One more shot. He falls to the ground.

How does it feel there, on the dirty ground? Can you taste the concrete? Because I did.

Can you feel the cold against your aching bones? Well, I did. And it was crawling up its way on my insides.

You killed me first.

Every single one of you bullies.

You killed my hopes and dreams.

My innocence.

This is what you finally get.

Do you see me now?

Can you feel, that I am real?

Because I am.

And so is this gun.

I ran up close to him as he screams, trying to crawl closer to the stairs.

No one heard MY whimpers when I thought I was  almost dying in the alley.

I fire the gun. Bang Bang Bang. Until there are no bullets left. Until he doesnt move anymore.

Freeze mode, huh? How does it feel?

One who keeps tearing around. One who cant move.

And then… silence.

Exept the noise in my ears. I take a short look at the body lying in front of me. He really is dead. Huh. . Kinda surprising what a gun can do.

I press my hand against my ears. That noise.  I hope there will be music again, soon.

I take a look around. No one is there. Time to grab my stuff and get gone.

I ran up the stairs as fast as I can and  feel myself changing with every step I take, with every short breath I become something.

There is a glow inside, as I run into an unknown desitination, my shadow ahead of myself

[bookofmirth]

wanderlustlastsforever replied to your post “Why do people hate Elucien together but love Nessian? Nessian is more...”

Cassian hasnt treated Nesta like crap? "I dont know why your sisters love you," Cassian. Cassian "i'll ignore in my family's Xmas.party but follow you out and harras you for ignoring me", Cassian "i'll pull my hand away from yours because Mor is here". Cassian, the 500 year old warrior that cant seemingly phatom 23 year old Nesta needing more help than his nagging and flirting. Who is sending her to a camp full of mysogonist assholes that hate women

He helps Feyre kick Nesta put of the only place she knows in all of Phrythian, because why? She doesnt work with the perfect inner circle.right away like Elain did? Because she doesnt work? But neither does anyone else there. Also what is she supposed to do being clinically depressed, in a country she doesnt know, full of people she grew up thinking they were monsters. The whole idea that Nesta is a bitch just because is so dumb

I hope you don’t mind me posting this, I wanted to respond but comments are too short! And all of this is why I love Nesta as a character. I wouldn’t want to be her friend in real life, but she’s so interesting and relatable (for me, in terms of how she treats herself), and even if nessian isn’t my favorite ship, all of this is why I’m excited for the next book.

I think a lot of these are fair points, but some need context. They aren’t kicking her out of Velaris because she doesn’t get along with them. Nesta needs legit help, an intervention, someone needs to at least try to kick her out of this self-harming spiral she’s found herself in. Feyre was enabling her by paying her bills, and everyone else was enabling her by looking the other way. They could not have let her go on the way she was. I’m not saying you did this, but I really don’t understand the criticism of how they handled the end of acofas. If anything, Feyre & Co. should be criticized for enabling Nesta and letting her isolate. Not for what they do later. 

So yeah, she’s depressed and self-harming and has been on the verge of doing so for years! The events of acowar just tipped her over the threshold. And now the people who she’s treated like crap their whole lives are supposed to fawn all over her? That hasn’t worked before, and it won’t work now. She’s not just a bitch for no reason (anyone who can argue that, have you actually read the books?), but people she’s hurt are justifiably angry. 

I’m not sure who doesn’t work in Velaris. We’ve seen Elain helping out with household tasks, Feyre and Rhys have political stuff going on, and Mor, Az, and Cassian have always had specific jobs. Maybe it feels that way because we tend to see them in more relaxed moments in acofas? Even if Elain is just contributing by doing domestic labor, that’s still a form of work that tends to be undervalued.

Cassian saying he doesn’t know why his sisters love her is a really shit thing to say. I’m definitely not arguing that he’s been an angel in this, but I do think that his flittering and nagging is his way of trying to get people to feel better, to distract them. Think of when he teased Rhys after the mating bond. Lots of his interactions with Feyre. It’s just that with Nesta, that tactic doesn’t work, so it comes across as... inappropriate. Nesta doesn’t buy the BS that Cassian normally sells, so it startles him, and then when he doesn’t just brush her off for her rudeness, that probably startles her. They don’t know how to deal with each other because their usual tactics (Nesta: abrasiveness, Cassian: teasing) don’t work on each other. They are used to getting specific reactions (Nesta: people leave her alone, Cassian: various things, I think he’s more open to people in general), but don’t react that way with each other. 

None of this is to justify their behavior towards each other. But when I think of how Nesta and Cassian treat each other, it’s always with Cassian trying to make an effort, while Nesta never bothers. Then he gets upset, which... I understand. This is all a really long way of saying: it feels weird to quantify how people have treated one another, to say that one has been worse than the other, and I don’t want it to feel like a list of who comes out on top as the bigger asshole. That wasn’t really what I intended to say! Especially when there are so many other circumstances to consider. 

[handonshipper]

A Twist Through TIme: Chapter Two

Stefan continued walking with Klaus and then entered Gloria's bar once they arrived. He looked over at the witch, who was working on a solution. Or rather faking working on a solution as she tried to figure out what she wanted to know.

Klaus walked in the bar, his gaze immediately falling on the witch. He didn’t hesitate before walking over to her. “Have you found anything yet? Or must I use other...methods in order to motivate you?” He questioned with a smirk on his lips.

"I'm doing the best I can" Gloria said, looking at him. "These things take time." Her head then turned to the front door as the tribrid walked in. She could easily sense her power. "And who are you?" She asked, straightening up, eyeing the girl warily.

Hope swallowed a little as she ran into her dad yet again. "Hope" she said simply.

"Now this one radiates power. More than I've ever seen" Gloria said, looking at her curiously and cautiously.

Hope glanced between Klaus and Gloria. "I should go" she said, looking at the two and taking a step back.

Klaus had been close to threatening the witch. He was already feared before, but now that he broke his curse, he was ten times more powerful. However, He frowned as he listened the words exchanged when Hppe entered the bar. “Not so fast.” He smirked taking a step towards Hope. “And here I thought you were just a useless young girl. It appears I was wrong. Tell me, what exactly are you?” He hadn’t been able to tell when they first met, and he usually could. Which now concerned him considering the witch seemed so cautious of her. More than with Klaus himself it would seem.

"It doesnt matter what I am" Hope said, looking at him as she tightened her grip on the sketchbook she was holding, trying to keep her emotions under control

“Oh I believe it does.” Klaus said smugly. “Especially when I consider the way you are acting right now. So very nervous.” He smirked keeping his eyes locked on hers. “I do recommend you tell me willingly. If I have to make you, I cannot guarantee it will be pretty. Though I suppose it will be much more enjoyable for me and my friend Stefan here.”

"I'm a witch" Hope said. It was 33% true anyways. 50% if you exclude the vampire side she has yet to trigger. She couldnt say she was

Gloria looked at her doubtfully. She had connections to the other side. To a couple witches at least. And none of which were saying anything but that they could sense the girl was an abomination.

Klaus frowned at the answer. He could tell there was more to it. What that could be, he wasn’t sure. But he knew he would find out. “A witch. Excellent. In that case maybe you two can possibly find a solution to my problem.” He suggested though it was clear it wasn’t up to them. He needed to make more hybrids, and he didn’t care who he had to force or threaten so long as he got what he wanted.

Hope sighed in irritation. She really didnt want to have to stop her dad. But she also didnt want to risk compromising the future.. but if she just did the same as the witch, it wouldnt compromise anything yet. Whereas making a scene and attacking her father would. She needed to come up with a plan. "Fine. I'll hold off my plans to try to figure out the spell that sent me here to help you figure out your problem"

she said as she put the sketchbook and pencils (which she had bought to help calm herself)down on a table in the bar and walked over to the witch.

Stefan was watching Hope curiously , a bit worried about what she would find, but he didnt show it. Instead he went closer to the witches. "Do you know who we are?" He asked her, wanting to hear the truth, merely out of curiosity.

Hope looked at him before looking over at Klaus, ignoring the question. "What exactly are we supposed to be doing?" She asked

"She needs Rebekah if you want her to be able to help me find the necklace" Gloria told Klaus.

"There you two are" Rebekah said, walking inside Gloria's bar. "You left me. Rude, both of you. And who is this?" Her gaze was on Hope now. "A snack for the two of you?"

"Shes a witch. Powerful one apparently. Klaus wants to see if she can find the necklace" Stefan filled her in as he walked over to the bar, pouring himself a drink.

Hope straightened herself as she looked at Rebekah. "I'm Hope" she introduced herself.

“Yes well, you were being quite the pain dear sister.” Klaus retorted with a sarcastic smile on his lips, momentarily forgetting about Hope. It wasn’t until Rebekah questioned her existence that he remembered she was there. “Right. She somehow ended up in Stefan’s apartment. Apparently another witch quote, “blasted” her in there. If such a thing is even possible.” He said rolling his eyes as he clearly still didn’t fully believe her story. “Frankly if she cannot find the necklace either then I truly will wish she was a snack.” He snorted. “Come to think of it I am getting a bit peckish. What do you say we go find someone to drain once we are finished with this?” He asked looking at Stefan as his lips shaped into a smirk.

"Mmm. I could use a snack" Stefan said with a grin as he downed his glass

"Come on. Let's get this over with" Rebekah whined impatiently, holding her hand out to Hope. "I want my bloody necklace"

Hope looked up at her aunt Rebekah before taking her hand gently and closing her eyes, trying to sense something like she has been requested. Suddenly, she caught a glimpse of a girl that looked like Bonnie Bennett. Younger version. She listened and heard Stefan's name. The pieces fell together about what was exactly going on. She kept her eyes closed for a moment longer.

"Do you have anything?" Stefan asked. "Or are you useless as well?"

Hope kept her eyes closed for an extra moment. She let go of Rebekah, opening her eyes quickly. She placed a quick and whispered sleeping spell both on Gloria and Stefan before standing up as the two collapsed unwillingly.

Klaus had been watching intently as Hope tried to find the necklace he needed. When she opened her eyes, he was about to question her himself but Stefan beat him to it. He soon blinked in surprise however when Stefan suddenly collapsed. “What is this? What have you done to him?” He asked threateningly as he now glared at Hope. He didn’t do anything yet, but the wrong answer would very well end with her dead.

"I put them under a sleeping spell. Neither of them are on your side. I heard some girls talking about Stefan. Yes I know who you both are. Which means, chances are, he knows exactly where the necklace is. And as for the witch, Gloria, if I can figure this all out in a matter of seconds, she should have been able to as well. Clearly she doesnt want you to have the necklace either" Hope explained, looking at her dad. "Look, if I was against you, wouldnt I have done it to you instead?" She reasoned

Klaus was silent for a few minutes, simply letting that sink in. He wasn’t surprised about Gloria, seeing as he appeared to be an abomination to all witches. Even his own mother. And he never did trust her. But Stefan...that one did surprise him. And if he was honest, it even hurt him. He considered him his friend. Yet it turns out this whole time he had merely been humoring him. But of course he refused to let any of that pain show.

“Alright. Fine. Then tell me where the necklace is. If you aren’t against me as you in fact say.”

"Mystic Falls" Hope replied, looking at him. "Neither will wake up until I remove the spell"

"Well, you're coming with us" Rebekah said. "Just in case you are lying."

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Klaus mumbled mainly to himself. Of course Stefan didn’t want him poking around in Mystic Falls. Not where his precious friends were. He didn’t think the young witch was lying, but he couldn’t afford to take any chances. “Alright. Mystic Falls it is. Come on then...what was your name again?”

Hope sighed softly, wishing she could just be left out of it. She didnt know how much she could take. "My name is Hope" she said for the third time.

Rebekah picked up Stefan easily. "What do we do with him, Nik? He lied to us, assuming the witch is telling the truth"

“Right. Hope. Strange name.” Klaus mumbled thoughtfully before being snapped out of it by Rebekah. His gaze fell on Stefan’s collapsed form. Anger flashed in his eyes for a moment before it quickly disappeared. “We leave him. Clearly he was attempting to protect one of his less than worthy friends. I say we leave him with the knowledge that doing so, will only result in me possibly murdering them all.”

He smirked at the thought. “Slowly and painfully.”

Hope sighed softly as Rebekah dropped Stefan in a booth before stabbing him in the gut as payback. She tore her gaze away, hating how this was happening to him. That it was her fault because she couldnt just go along with things. "So does that mean you want me to wake him up?" the tribrid questioned, looking at him.

Klaus thought about it for a moment. His lips curled upwards as a thought came to mind. “Yes actually. I have the perfect plan for our traitor.” He said and took a seat at the booth across from Stefan. “Go on.” Hope sighed softly at that and woke up Stefan before turning away and grabbing her sketchbook.

Stefan's eyes slowly opened, and he pushed himself up and groaned at the feeling of wood in his stomach. He pulled it out painfully and tossed it to the ground. "What happened?

Klaus smirked as he looked at Stefan, hiding away any type of hurt emotions just like he was used to doing by now. “Oh I can tell you what happened. However you already know. You betrayed me. And whilst normally punishment for such a thing is death, I have something far, far worse.”

"What are you talking about?" Stefan questioned, looking confused.

"Drop the act. The person with the necklace was discussing you. And the necklace is in Mystic Falls. So chances are you know exactly who has it. Yet you didnt tell him" Hope said.

Klaus’ smirk widened a little as he listened to Hope. He had to admit he could get used to having someone actually being on his side for once. This girl just met him and yet she was already defending him far more than his siblings ever did. “Which means you were protecting them the entire time and this whole, you are now on my side thing was nothing but a ruse.” He looked directly into Stefan’s eyes then. “See, typically I would have ripped your heart out by now. However, I think my arrangement is far better. I am going to go to Mystic Falls. You are going to stay here until I tell you you are allowed to return.” He said, speaking each word slowly as he compelled him. “Which, if we’re honest, will be once I rip the heart out of whoever has the necklace.” He grinned.

Stefan felt the compulsion sinking in. His inability to move. To leave. "Klaus, dont do this" he said, looking at him, worry obvious in his eyes

Hope sighed softly and sat down, thinking of how much she had already changed things. For all she knew, she was already on the path to erasing her whole existence. To erasing the twins from being born. Her heart sank, and she swallowed hard. "What about making him come with us but having his humanity off and under your control completely? Once the humanity comes back, the guilt about whatever he does comes back hard" Hope suggested casually as she poured herself some water and took a sip

Klaus openly glared at Stefan, hating the plea that left his lips. He betrayed him and then he had the nerve to beg him not to act on his anger? “You pretended to be on my side and now you have the audacity to ask me to have mercy?” He questioned, clearly prepared to say more. Though of course then he heard Hope and instantly he smiled in satisfaction. He liked this girl, whoever she was. “What a wonderful idea, Hope. Not only will the outcome be the same, but now I get to personally witness his guilt. I have to say I love the way you think.” He smirked once more. “Very well. Change of plans. We are following Hope’s idea.”

Hope felt guilty, but she knew it had to be done. It was what had happened last time. Things were going to have to happen right. Even if she hated it. Besides, Stefan did betray her father. But still.... he did die for the town. She finished her drink and watched.

Stefan's heart sank at that, already dreading it and what would happen to Elena because of this. He just hoped Damon and Bonnie and Caroline would be able to protect her.

Klaus smirked in satisfaction as he observed Stefan’s expression. “Come on then. I want to get to Mystic Falls as soon as possible.” After all, the faster he found the necklace, the faster he could figure out why his hybrids weren’t surviving.

Stefan got up out of the booth, already dreading what was to come. He didnt say anything. There was no point. He couldnt pretend anymore. Klaus was about to learn the truth about Elena. And there was nothing he could do to stop it. Rebekah put down her glass, fighting her instinct to hurt Stefan again. His betrayal hurt her because she still loved him. "Come on" she told Hope before leading her out of the bar. Hope followed Rebekah, holding her sketchbook close to her as they made their way to where their vehicle was. She looked over at the blonde before looking away.

Klaus headed out, his mind only thinking of what everything would be like once he had his hybrids. He would truly be invincible. “I am curious to see who it was you were protecting.” He smirked as he glanced over at Stefan. “More than that, I suppose I’m curious what it will be like for you when I kill whoever it is. Or perhaps you should be the one to do it hm? Yes. That sounds like a better idea.”