#i hope this doesnt come across as rude im genuinely just giving you my honest response

[bananannabeth]

@every anon who is sending me questions asking if their relationship with an age gap is healthy:

if you feel insecure enough about the relationship to message me, a total stranger, asking if it’s okay, you’re obviously already doubting that you’re ready for it or that they’re the right person for you to date rn. so don’t do it. just wait. there is literally no need to rush into anything. and if they truly care about you they’ll respect that decision and be happy to wait as well.

[longingfreesia]

mizakai.docx aka “mizael got kicked out and doesnt know what to do with himself now so he goes to kaitos house and kaito is not exactly happy about this”

its not technically “complete” but im pretty much done with it so here it is anyway! its almost 3k words of pure self indulgence

It's around six o'clock in the evening when Mizael comes to pay Kaito an impromptu visit.

If, of course, you can count banging on someones door and yelling their name a "visit," but Kaito was used to "weirdos" at this point.

It's at about the third yell of "KAITO TENJO!" with an addition of "ARE YOU NOT HOME? THIS IS YOUR PLACE OF RESIDENCE, RIGHT? ARE YOU IGNORING ME?" that Kaito finally gets up and goes to the door, albeit groaning lowly the entire way.

He opens the door and Mizael nearly hits him in the face with a fist intended for his door. "Why. Why are you here."

Mizael scoffs. "Don't I have a right to be?"

"No. Not at all." Kaito says, deadpan.

"Well," Mizael starts, and in a rather uncharacteristic fashion stumbles looking for words, as if he was expecting Kaito to go, 'Yes, of course, Mizael, I'm so honored you would come and visit me in my humble abode, graceful and angelic in your beauty as you are,' and eventually settles on "I'm here now, anyway, and you're not about to just dump me out on the street after I came all the way here, are you?"

Kaito contemplates telling him yes, he was, and shutting the door, but decides against it. "Fine." He steps aside and opens the door a bit further, and Mizael immediately strides inside.

It dawns on Kaito that he's not really wearing much. Or, rather, he's not wearing anything particularly heavy. Did a skintight tank and stirrups count as much?

Not that it mattered, as Mizael, being Mizael, didn't seem to notice in the slightest. Instead, he looks around for a moment, and is somewhat confused when there isn't somewhere for him to sit in his immediate vision.

"Is this what it's like here?" He asks, and Kaito is just so, so tired.

"Yes, it is. You're looking at it. That's a ridiculous question." Kaito replies. Mizael looks offended at even the implication that he could've said something "ridiculous," but Kaito continues before he can say anything.

"And if you're trying to say something about my living conditions, I don't care. I wasn't expecting you." It wasn't like it was awful, just a bit messy, what you would call "lived-in." But of course Mizael would find that preposterous, unacceptable, etcetera etcetera.

Mizael turns his nose up at him and finds his way to Kaitos couch, sitting down in it and crossing his legs with an entitled air. Kaito settles down across from him in an old armchair and sighs.

"So, why are you here, really?" He asks.

Mizael simply says, "Do I need a reason to come see you?" and it's so transparent it hurts.

"Did you get kicked out?"

Mizael is taken aback. "Wh- No! Of course not! I just, they-" He takes a slow breath, "I was told, 'Mizael, you need to find a place of your own. You can't live here forever.' As if they know anything, they let Durbe stay there all he wants, what does he do? He's a freeloader! He-" Kaito holds up a hand. Part of him is amazed Mizael hasn't caught on to what was going on at the Kamishiro household, but he leaves it alone.

"So you came to me. You were told you needed to take care of yourself, and you came to me." Kaito can practically feel his exhaustion growing.

"I-" Mizael tries, fails, "I didn't know what else to do."

At least he was honest about that part. Kaito doesn't want to let Mizael stay, not really. However, his slumped shoulders and the mere fact that Mizael is so unable to function on his own makes him feel kinda bad for the guy.

Also, he's not too bad to look at, but telling him that probably wouldn't help.

Kaito hums, stands up. "Alright. You can stay here a while. Don't get too greedy though, I expect you to earn your keep while you're here." He almost laughs at how quickly Mizaels face goes from glee to despair.

"Earn my keep… how exactly?" Mizael asks, the apprehension in his voice obvious from how carefully he picks through his words.

"Not much. Just run errands for us, maybe." Kaito thinks on it a bit more, considers how capable Mizael would be of walking into a grocery store and buying things on a list on his own, and says, "I'd help, sometimes. You just have to try, alright?"

Mizael stares at him for a moment, thinking it through, then nods.

Things are quiet for a while after that, as Kaito starts preparing tea in the kitchen.

Mizael finds that it's not a bad quiet. The subtle sounds of Kaito moving around the kitchen, and the low whine of the kettle is pleasing. He even finds himself becoming somewhat drowsy. He can't really help it.

Suddenly, something occurs to him, and he asks, "Where's Haruto?"

Kaito glances up at him, then back down at his hands. "He's taking a nap. I'm surprised you didn't scare him awake with your racket." Mizael has the decency to look a little guilty.

Not enough to say sorry though, apparently. And not enough to not be incredibly nosy.

"You like tea? I never took you as the type." Mizael asks. Kaito doesn't want to think about the implications of that.

"I don't, really. I prefer coffee. You seem like 'the type,' though. So." Kaito pours out the kettle.

"Then why do you have it?"

Kaito shrugs. "Droite and Haruto like it, too."

The small clicks of porcelain setting on the counter stop after a time, and Kaito brings a dish back to the table between them with two cups on it.

Mizael feels almost flattered.

Mizael is surprised somewhat at how nice they are. They're rather pretty, in fact, and he tells Kaito this, but he doesn’t seem to care. He tries the tea itself, and the warmth and surprising sweetness of it is comforting. He can taste honey in it. How odd.

Kaito doesn't seem interested in talking, rather, seeming quite content in just leaning back with his eyes closed and his cup between his hands. Mizael suddenly feels very uncomfortable. It stays like that for a long while.

Kaito eventually gets up to go and wake up Haruto for dinner, and Mizael takes this as an opportunity to look around.

It's not a terribly fancy place. It's decent enough and nothing more, and somehow, that makes it feel like a home. Mizael finds that's an odd feeling, feeling like he's in a home, but doesn't pay it too much mind.

Kaito doesn't come back for a long time. He supposes it's because he's explaining to Haruto that Mizael will be living with them for a while. Which brings up a sort of terrifying idea, just how long is he going to be here-

"Mizael." Kaito says, and Mizaels head snaps up to look at him. "This would be the first time you've properly met Haruto, wouldn't it?" Mizael thinks on it, and nods.

"Well. Haruto, you probably remember Mizael, right? I know some… complications happened before, but he's," Mizael can tell he's struggling to come up with a word, but he quickly recovers, "a friend of mine, now. In any case, you two have to get used to each other." He smiles a bit, a soft expression that is almost unnerving to Mizael in the sheer unfamiliarity of it. "Although, I know Mizael is a real handful sometimes." Mizael wants to protest, but Haruto giggles at the statement and something in his heart flutters. Maybe not this time.

He stands up from his seat, trying his best to maintain an approachable face. He's told sometimes he has a resting expression that looks kind of scary. It would be bad, probably, if he scared Kaitos little brother as his first impression.

"Hello, Haruto." He crouches down to meet Haruto at eye level. For a genuinely frightening moment, Haruto simply stares at him with his big, wide eyes, and Mizael thinks that Haruto hates him, will never forgive him for what he-

Haruto smiles, and says "Hello, Mizael!" and something about it makes his eyes prickle.

He holds his hand out apprehensively, looks up at Kaito, and Kaito nods to give him the O.K. He lightly ruffles Harutos hair and says, "Nice to meet you. I hope we can get along." And gives his best attempt at a friendly smile. It seems to work, because Kaito isn't throttling him, and that's usually a good sign.

HERES THE BIG TIMESKIP BECAUSE IM IMPATIENT.

Mizael can't help but notice how skinny Kaito is.

He's trying his best not to stare, but- He can see so many of Kaitos bones through his skin, the bumps of his spine, his shoulder blades, even some of his ribs, when he's bent over or stretched-

Mizael wonders why his body is like that. Why his skin seems stretched taut over his bones, why his veins showed through it- though it'd be rude to ask, wouldn't it?

He wonders how it feels. His mouth works faster than his brain, and he blurts that out.

"…What?" Kaito turns his head to look at him, not quite turning all the way around. His face has a mixture of confusion and what looks to be the start of revulsion on it, and Mizael is afraid.

"I. I was just, thinking about your body." Okay, bad start. Judging by Kaitos face, he agreed. "It's just. Are you alright? You don't look healthy." The expression on Kaitos face grows. He was only making this worse for himself, wasn't he? But he didn't understand why.

Kaito stares at him. His brow is furrowed and his nose is crinkled up but at least it's more confusion, now. "I hear enough of that from Gauche and Droite. I don’t need it from you, too."

Mizael is only more confused. Wouldn't he want to know? "But, why? Do you let yourself look like that, I mean. Shouldn't you care about what your body looks like? I… have heard of how you feel, sometimes, and I think that'd help-"

"Shut it." Kaito snaps. Mizael does as he's told.

"Mizael." Kaito says firmly, and it makes Mizael look Kaito in the eyes and a bit too afraid to look elsewhere.

"I'm dying, Mizael. There's no getting around that." He falls back onto his bed, and sighs. "I came to terms with that a long time ago. When you're quite literally killing yourself for the sake of someone you love, you kind of stop caring about physical appearances. Is that clear?"

Mizael isn't sure what to do with this.

"I- Ah." Suddenly, anywhere is better to look at than Kaitos face. "Yes, I understand. I'm sorry for prying."

Kaito interrupts him with, "No, no, I- fuck." He falls back onto the bed. "That was. Bad. I'm sorry. It's just-" He runs his hands over his face.

"I'm, tired. I'm sorry for that. It was unnecessary." He takes a long breath. "I'm just sick of hearing about it." Kaito is staring up at the ceiling, and Mizael somewhat regrets opening his mouth.

In a sort of desperate grasp for something to distract from the whole thing, Mizael says, "May I?"

Kaito lets his head fall toward Mizael and glares at him sideways. "May you what."

"Feel. Your body. Or, your bones, I suppose." Mizael doesn't even finish his sentence before Kaito is jolting up in the bed.

"Please, specify." He says, voice sounding like cold rocks and Mizael realizes that he didn't choose his wording very well.

"Well, I was… looking at you, as you were undressing. And, your bones, they show through your skin. In fact, it's as if you don't have any muscle there." He ignores the way Kaitos eyebrow twitches. "I… think it's interesting."

Kaito pauses. "Interesting?" He asks, and seems willing to forgive the absurdity of Mizaels request if just for a moment.

"Well… Yes." Mizael starts, "Your bones are odd. And the fact they show through your skin, it's odd."

Kaito seems almost interested, himself. "How so?"

"Well, for one thing- It doesn't usually do that, does it? Well, no, of course it doesn't, Alit and Durbe aren't like that. Your whole body exudes this feeling of tiredness, and I suppose that'd be accurate, wouldn't it?"

Kaito chuckles, a strange noise coming from him. Perhaps incited by the fact Mizael seemed to be rambling to himself, now. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Right. So-" Mizael pauses, bringing a knuckle to his lips, "Are your bones different from other humans'?"

"Good question." Kaito says, stretching. "I definitely know my body is, at this point."

"I want to see."

"Do you, now?" Kaito has an expression that Mizael feels he probably shouldn't be reading as condescending, but he does nonetheless.

"Yes. Besides, I've never really gotten to explore a human body. I know Barians aren't too different, but at the same time… They really are. It's intriguing."

"So, you want to inspect my body to see how it's different?"

"Have I not made that clear?"

Kaito scoffs. "No, I guess you have. Just making sure."

He finally takes his shirt and folds it up, but simply puts it on the nightstand. Mizael finds it curious, but doesn't say anything.

He stands in front of where Mizael is sitting, hands on his hips. "So, what exactly do you want to see?"

Mizael finds that, even though he's assuming the same cold, intimidating posture as he usually does, without the coat and the stern glare- he's not that scary.

In fact, looking at him like this makes him seem almost frail, but Mizael knows better than to think that. He knows that Kaito is anything but.

"I'd like to see your back." He says, matter-of-factly, but for some reason it causes Kaitos lips to twitch.

"Alright. But that's awkward like this. Come get on the bed." Kaito says. The way he says it is so plain. Although, Mizael thinks he shouldn't be surprised.

He does as he's told and follows Kaito to his bed. Kaito sits on the edge and Mizael settles somewhere in the middle. Kaito leans over, letting his arms rest on his legs. Mizael takes it as an invitation.

The first thing he notices is how Kaito flinches, just barely, when Mizaels fingers meet his back. He seems to be fine after that, though.

The next thing he notices is that his eyes are closed. He's breathing slowly, seeming to be trying to fall asleep sitting up. Like he was taking it as he would a doctors touch inspecting him for injury. It's somewhat odd. Mizael wonders why he would react like that.

He runs two fingers down his ribs, slowing briefly on the dip between each one.

"Can you move your arms?" He asks, upon finding something curious.

Kaito turns his head to shoot Mizael an odd look, but obliges, moving his shoulders in small, slow circles. Mizael is glad he understands the concept of research, and isn't bothered by it-

Or, at least, he hopes that's how it is. In any case, he can see Kaitos shoulder-blades moving underneath his skin, and it's weird.

Kaito is wondering whether Mizael even realizes him, exploring Kaitos body as he is could possibly be viewed as something far more than scientific. Knowing him, he might not, but Mizael is confusing and no one could see them anyway.

Needless to say, Mizaels hands are soft and graceful, and the way he runs his hands full-palm over Kaitos shoulders and biceps is kind of nice, it's relaxing, and, and he's missed soft almost loving touch-

Mizael murmurs something about "Galaxy-Eyes" among many other mumblings, and Kaito opens his eyes.

"Hm? Did you say something?" Kaito asks, turning his head just enough to catch Mizaels face, and Mizael seems to snap out of a daze.

"Did I?" His expression fades into something a bit more distressed as he realizes. "Ah. You heard that?"

"Yes, I did. What were you talking about?"

"I," Mizael stares at Kaitos back for a bit, and then, touching the bumps of Kaitos spine as he says it, "Your body is very strong."

Kaito smirks, turns his head back to face forward so Mizael can't see his face. "Is that so? Not what I'd use to describe it."

Mizael nods, despite the fact Kaito can't see. "Yes. Despite the fact you've tortured it the way you have, it still feels strong." A pause, "You still feel powerful, despite having been through so much." A smile creeps onto his face, faint, but there. "I was thinking that your Galaxy-Eyes reflects that, in a way."

"She does?"

"Yes. Though in what way, I'm not sure I could tell you. It's… not something I can put into words, I think."

Kaito thinks it over for a moment. "Thank you. I appreciate it, really." His voice is gentle, which is definitely not something Mizael is used to hearing when Kaito's speaking to him.

and heres where it cuts off because i dont know how to end things and i dont know where to take this from here. sorry about that