#i hope this doesn't make you sad but instead helps you reminisce

[bloodfin]

can you feel me longing for you, forever

Air Ghoul/Earth Ghoul, background Dewdrop/Alpha

Rated: M for mature, 18+ only recommended

Word Count: 3.900k

Summary: Air and Earth petitioned the clergy for a kit and have been denied forty seven times. This time, their wish is granted. Features some abbey life, and a lot of tears.

Warnings: kit adoption; mean guy Alpha; Dewdrop is the inter-era bridge; pack feels; angsty/sad with a happy ending; fade to black ending

Author’s Note: from @anotherbananasong storyline about Earth and Air wanting to adopt a kit and being denied by the ministry. Everything changes when the fire nation attacks when Copia becomes Frater

Read on Ao3

"You need to be fully committed to the Project. No distractions."

"You just retired, you should take some time to enjoy it."

"Things are too busy at the moment."

"Everything just calmed down, we can't summon a ghoul right now. Imagine the chaos."

"The ministry's resources are stretched too thin."

"A child, in the catacombs? Absolutely not."

"We don't have space right now, we have to summon new ghouls for the Project."

"We just summoned four new ghouls."

"No."

"No."

"No."

"No."

Air's empty arms ache. The repeated denials feel like a lost dream, a lost future. Grief like that that runs deep. He had clung tightly to the hope that someday Sister would change her mind, but now that she's gone, he can't help but feel like the last shreds of that hope died with her.

Earth is wrapped around him, a low, protective growl rumbling deep in his chest. He holds Air tightly, fighting back his own tears. They'll find a way.

He keeps Air pressed to his chest, reminiscing about when they first mated. When they first decided they wanted a kit. The first time they asked, and the first time they were told no.

Earth's growl grows louder as he thinks of the excuses and yes he knows it's more difficult to summon a kit than an adult. He knows that raising a kit won't be easy. But he wants it, oh does he want it, with Air by his side.

"It will be okay, sweet skybird."

He presses a kiss to Air's forehead, rubs their noses together. Air chokes on a hiccup, let's himself be crushed against Earth. He feels bad, that Earth seems to always be comforting him when he knows he hurts just as deeply. But for now, Air lets himself be held, and lets his emotions run free.

In the room next door, Dew is reclined on Alpha's bed, heart breaking at the sound of Air's muffled sobs mixed with Earth's growling.

"D'ya think Copia knows? That they've been asking to summon a kit?"

Alpha shrugs.

Dew hums, picking at the hem of his shirt.

"Do you... want kits some day?"

"With you?"

It came out colder than intended, and Dew barely has time to mask the hurt that flickers on his face.

"Rainy and I were talking the other day and -"

"Oh, you and Rainy were talking about kits, were you?" 

This time, he meant to sound cruel. 

Dew scoffs and jumps out of the bed, crossing Alpha's room in six steps this time. He has the mind to pause and do up his fly, throwing a face over his shoulder that makes Alpha thankful looks can't kill. 

"Why were you and Rain even -"

"Save it," Dew bites back.

"Where are you going Dew, the whole abbey is asleep already. We'll talk about this is in the morning."

Dew throws open the door and stomps into the hall.

"Maybe try getting your shit together instead."

He doesn't look back when the door slams behind him, pretends not to hear Alpha's frustrated roar. Just marches towards the library, ignoring the unwelcome tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

Dew's footsteps get lighter the further he travels from the catacombs, pausing every now and then to take in the moonlight streaming in through the stained glass windows. Rests at the chapel for a quick prayer for Earth and Air, and to check on Sister's memorial flame.

It's strange, her absence. They had been through a lot together and he, in some ways, misses her. Maybe things could change now that Copia, Frater, runs the clergy.

He doesn't dwell on it too long, opts to leave the chapel as quick as he entered and veers right down a long hallway. The paintings here are poorly lit, making the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He’s never liked this corridor with all its knowing eyes.

He reaches the library and pushes inside, surprised to see a table still occupied. Less surprised when he approaches and realizes it's Copia, hunched over an old manuscript, making notes in a small leatherbound journal.

Dew rubs at his eyes as he approaches, plops himself down in the seat across from him, careful to not disturb his text.

"Hey Papa."

"My ghoul," Copia smiles gently, placing a worn bookmark into the tome before closing it and moving it to the side. "Are you well? It's very late."

Dew isn't quite sure how to answer that, quietly taps his fingers on the table with a shrug instead.

"You spend much time in the catacombs yes? With the Ancient Ones?"

Dew tries not to grimace, just nods yes with a tight lipped smile.

"How is Air doing? He seemed distraught when my mother passed, and I regretfully haven't been able to visit yet."

Dew rolls a few words around on his tongue, trying to find the best way to explain that particular situation.

"He was of course upset to hear that she passed, but, he and Earth had been waiting to hear back about their um... request."

Copia tilts his head.

"Request?"

"Yes, it was denied by the clergy. Again."

"You'll have to forgive me, my ghoul, but what was the request?"

"They would like to adopt a kit."

"Oh!" Copia smiles broadly. "They would make such wonderful parents, eh? Of course, of course. I'll mention it at tomorrow's meeting."

Dew blinks at Copia, jaw dropping towards the table.

"Papa, Frater, they denied their request forty-seven times."

It's Copia's turn to stare now, aghast, squeaking a bit like a mouse.

"F-f-forty seven denials? Why?"

Dew shrugs, picks at the skin around his claws.

"There were always excuses, but they don't like them. Even Secondo tried."

Copia sets his mouth in a tight line.

"Well that's just silly. Let's get them a kit."

"Seriously?"

"Absolutely. The cruelty ends with me. My mother may have been wise about some things, but others. Well. Not so much."

Dew is thankful for the late hour when he scrambles across the table to pull Copia into an extremely undignified hug, pushing his chair back so quickly it crashes to the floor.

"Thank you," he breathes into Copia's neck, letting his tears fall freely. He may not have been around for all forty-seven denials, but he's seen enough of them.

Copia wraps his arms around Dew, apologizing for all the things he didn't know about, but can work towards changing.

When Dew pulls away, he tilts his chin up to meet Copia's eyes.

"If the clergy tries to say no again because 'that's what Sister always said', I'll burn the room down with all of them in it."

Copia can't help but laugh, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

"No, you wouldn't." He pauses, thinking for a second. "Alpha would though."

Dew can't help but agree, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands.

"You're right. He would."

⸸⸸⸸⸸⸸

A gentle knock on the door forces Earth to peel his sticky eyes open, crusting from the tears he shared with Air.

"It's open," he grumbles, pulling Air tight to his chest and burying his face in the crook of his neck.

"Good morning!"

Dewdrop looks a little too chipper, considering they both heard him stomp out of the catacombs and slam every door in his way last night.

Air raises a sleepy brow, silently asking him why in the nine circles they are being disturbed at the unholy hour of ten AM.

"Papa, uh, Frater, would like you to meet him in your common room in twenty minutes."

He's still smiling, and Earth can't help but be a little suspicious.

Dew looks at his feet then, digging his toe into the ground.

"Could you um... could you let Alpha know? I'll go tell River. And Omega, if he's there and not. With... You know."

"Mmn."

He takes that as a verbal affirmative and quickly backs out of their room, alerting the rest of the ancients to the meeting before taking a seat near their hearth. He couldn't bear to miss Copia sharing the good news.

Dew is still smiling when the ghouls begin to file into the room, plopping themselves onto various sofas and chairs. He only scowls when Alpha looks his way, covertly flipping him off while Copia strides in. 

"Good morning my lovelies," he smiles, gently clapping his hands together. He's met with a chorus of half awake greetings, missing the rude face Alpha throws at Dew while his back is turned.

"I've just come from a clergy meeting, and I would like to gather your input on what you all would like for your new den. The ceilings can't be raised here, and I want you all as comfortable as possible, so we are building a new space for you upstairs. You can still come down here if you like. I also need to know what we need for the nursery -"

Earth sits up then, launching himself off of Air's shoulder.

"Nursery?"

His eyes are wide, hand crushing Air's as he waits for Copia to explain. His looks at Dew briefly, catching his smile and tear filled eyes.

"Yes," Copia beams at him. "Your request has been approved. We're going to help you get a kit."

Air slides from the couch and to his knees, tears streaming down his face as he sobs. Earth quickly joins him, holding him tight to his chest.

"You're serious?" he chokes out, a low growl building in the back of his throat.

"If it's what you want, it's okie dokie with me."

"More than anything," Air confirms, and rests his head on Earth's. "We're going to be dads my Earth. It's finally happening."

Dew slips out before he can be pulled into the quickly growing pile, wanting the ancients to enjoy this moment of great joy.

⸸⸸⸸⸸⸸

"We need to plan a baby shower!" Cumulus beams, bouncing on her toes after Dew shared the good news.

"Yes, but the ancients need time to acclimate. Sister kept them locked away for far too long, I don't want to overwhelm them."

Cumulus nods, bouncy white curls falling in her face.

"Of course! We can make cake, does that ever get sent to the catacombs? And Cici and I can help paint, I'm sure Mountain and Swiss can help build. Speaking of I need to go let her know -"

Cumulus drifts off down the hall, chatting to herself about room designs and party plans, eager to welcome the ghouls back into the main halls of the abbey.

"You doing okay?"

Rain's smooth baritone makes Dew jump, turning to face him in surprise.

"Sorry, thought you heard me come in."

"Yeah, I'm so excited for the them -"

"I know. But you were upset last night, and I want to make sure you're actually okay, not just hiding it "

Dewdrop huffs a sigh. He can't hide anything from Rain. No one can, really. Everyone's pretty convinced that whatever ocean vent he crawled out of gave him some quint-level mind reading powers.

"It's... complicated."

Rain nods and gestures towards the couch.

"C'mon. I'll even let you turn on the Hallmark channel, I think they're playing holiday movies already."

Dew grumbles while pulling some popcorn out of a nearby cabinet, trapped between being annoyed about being known and allowing himself to be comforted, a skill matched only by Air. 

⸸⸸⸸⸸⸸

"How soon can we try a summoning?"

Air is practically vibrating in his seat, Earth's hand crushed in his own.

Copia has a stack of notes and paperwork, all the necessary permits to expand the abbey and of course Earth and Air's nursery wishlist.

"I'm afraid I've never summoned a kit before, so it may take a few tries before we are successful."

"We understand."

Air and Earth share a quick glance.

"Frater, we have been begging the clergy to help us with a kit for years. Forty-seven times we were told no. We're ready, whenever you are."

Earth squeezes Air's fingers.

"You're sure, my skybird? I know what this means to you, to us, and I fear if we rush you'll be devastated."

Air turns to his partner, holds his cheek gently with his free hand.

"I will be. But then we can try again. As many times as Frater allows."

Earth's eyes brim with tears, mirroring his mate. They turn back to Copia, smiles full of cautious optimism.

"Yes," Earth agrees. "We're ready." 

⸸⸸⸸⸸⸸

The addition is built rather quickly, ghouls and humans alike eager to bring the ancients out of the catacombs. News of the kit spreads like a wildfire, and soon there are more hands hoisting beams and laying walls than anyone had expected. 

"Which room should face the sun," Copia questions, looking over the layout on his desk. 

"Alpha," Dew answers without hesitation. 

Copia briefly raises a brow before finishing the room assignments, pleased that all the ghouls can now move freely through the abbey. 

"It will take time to lift all of the doorways, but we'll get there."

"Thanks, Papa. Frater." 

"It's fine, my ghoul." Copia wears a gentle, genuine smile. "You know I don't care about the title. Just that you all see me as a friend." 

Dew relaxes again, rests his head on the soft chair. 

"As your friend, and prior Papa, I feel I must tell you that I'm a little concerned about your connection with Alpha." 

Dew's eyes fly open as he scrambles to sit straight in the chair, patting his pocket for his phone. 

"Would you... would you look at that? Oh, Mounty is um. He's, he's calling me so I have to uh, I have to -" 

Dew keeps patting himself for his phone while making his way towards the door, forgetting it on Copia's desk. 

"Dewdrop, you need to talk about this at some point." 

"Dewdrop!"

⸸⸸⸸⸸⸸

While Dew fails at making a smooth exit from Copia's office, Earth and Air are curled up in their nest, the last day they'll spend in the catacombs. 

"I'm a bit nervous to go up there," Air mumbles, fingers playing with Earth's shirt. 

"I know, skybird. But this will be better for your lungs. And even better for our kit." 

"Yes, yes. It will be. What do you think they'll be like?" 

"I think, no matter what, she'll be absolutely perfect." 

Air scrunches his eyebrows. "She? We told Frater we'd be happy to raise any kit that needed a family." 

"I know," Earth smiles, taking Air's hand in his own. "Call it a hunch." 

They share a few kisses before cuddling back into each other, trading guesses on what they think their kit will be like. Their personality, their element. If they'll choose to veil when they get older. What their family will be like, and how it will grow in love. 

So much love. 

So much love, that when the time comes for the summoning, more ghouls are gathered than have ever gathered at a summoning before. 

Dew stands between Alpha and Rain, arms wrapped around himself as Alpha stares into the side of Rain's head. 

"Will you stop," Dew hisses, glaring at his mate. 

"Will you stop?" 

"Me? Stop what, having friends? What is wrong with you -" 

Rain slowly sneaks away from the pair to stand with Mountain and Swiss, letting them bicker until Copia walks into the room. 

His vestments are glittering even in the candlelight, casting shadows onto the stone walls as he checks the candles and offerings. 

"My lovelies," he smiles, gesturing to Earth and Air. "We are gathered this evening to summon a kit for mates Earth and Air, so that may raise them in the ministry family." 

"Do you accept the roles of parents, to guide this young one with love in your hearts?" 

"We do," they say in unison. 

"And do you promise to always be there for them and each other, in good and bad times, to offer your full support and encouragement?" 

"We do." 

"And do you promise to always love this child, no matter who they are now, and who they may find themselves to be in the future?" 

"We do." 

"Then let it be done." 

Copia picks up a black candle and lights it in the north of the room before kneeling in front of Earth and Air. Earth has a small pile of dirt that Air then lifts with his own element, gently swirling the granules around the candle as Copia stands it before them. 

"We open this portal to any kit in search of a loving home, eager to accept them into our arms." 

The portal fizzles to life, and Air's breath hitches. Earth squeezes his hand and Dew reaches towards Alpha, who tightens his own into a fist. Rain glares while Dew frowns, before all eyes return to the swirling portal before them. 

It spins. 

And it spins. 

And it spins. 

Ghouls less close to Earth and Air respectfully begin to shuffle out of the room, and Copia closes the portal by extinguishing the flame while Air's broken whine echoes against the walls. 

"I'm so sorry," he offers with a gentle hand to his shoulder. "But next week is a full moon, eh? We will try again." 

"Thank you Frater," Earth manages, lip trembling. 

They knew. They understood. They talked and talked and talked and openly acknowledged that it might not happen the first time, but all the preparations in the world couldn't have possibly protected their gentle hearts when they were so ready to love whoever came through. 

"It's not a no," Air whispers against Earth's shoulder. "Just a not yet." 

Earth swallows his tears down and wraps himself against Air, his shuddering breath making the ground tremble. 

"If you need anything, my lovelies, I'll be in my office preparing for our next attempt. You are loved." 

Alpha opens his mouth and Dew immediately grabs at his shoulder, reaching for his ear. 

“For the love of Satan's taint, if you say anything to either of them right now I will send you back to the pits myself.” 

“When did you grow a backbone,” Alpha scoffs, throwing his hands up in surrender. 

“Shouldn't you know,” Aether starts, “you’re the one always blowing it out.” 

Dew's already pale skin gets paler, wiping his hands down his face. 

“You are all ridiculous and I hate you.” 

He steps away from the others to approach Earth and Air, sitting down in front of them. 

“I'm so sorry.” 

Air looks at him with shining blue eyes, Earth opens his free arm, not lifting his face from his mate's shoulder. 

“Can I hug you?” 

Dew asks so quietly, but Air has always been there for him. He wants to do the same.

Air nods and lifts an arm as well, and Dew quickly climbs between them, wrapping himself around the ancients as best he can. He kicks up his heat and his rusty pur, acting like a living weighted blanket. 

“I kn-know it might not have worked but,” Air hiccups, “but I really hoped it would.”

“I know,” Dew sighs. “It's okay to mourn the loss of this moment.” 

Rain and Mountain appear with a pile of blankets, and Swiss follows shortly with a large stack of pillows. 

“Figured you might not want to go back to your den or the catacombs right now,” Rain offers, wrapping the three ghouls in a large soft blanket. 

The thought of the empty nursery weighs heavy on all of them. 

“Would you like us to go?” 

Mountain gestures at his pack and rest of the Ancient Ones, all standing with clasped hands and solemn expressions. Even Alpha has the sense to look disappointed, though it may have been at the prospect of sleeping on the floor and not in his nest. 

Air and Earth exchange a quick glance at each other. 

“Get in here,” Earth grumbles, and he lets himself and Air be pulled down into a loudly purring pile. 

⸸⸸⸸⸸⸸

They try the next summoning at the peak of the full moon. 

“I'm scared,” Air admits while he wrings his hands together nervously. 

“Me too,” says Earth before taking Air's face in his hands. “But no matter what, we're both here. Together. And nothing can change that.”  

This time, the room is empty, except for them. They appreciated the outpouring of love the last time, but now they want to face the portal by themselves.  

Dew understands, though he can't help pace the hall outside nervously. 

“Would you stop it, the echo is giving me a headache,” Alpha grumbles, crossing his arms as he leans on the wall. 

Dew pauses in front of him, hands on his hips.

“Why did you come with me if you were just going to be a dick?” 

“I… don't know.” 

Dew narrows his eyes at his mate before sitting on the ground across from him, wrapping his arms around his knees. He looks up for a moment when Copia walks by, offering a quiet wish for good luck.

Copia bids his thanks and quietly enters the room. He finds Air and Earth hand in hand at the center, the room laid out exactly as before, except - 

“The candles,” he starts, seeing Earth nod. 

“We hope it's okay but we changed out the ceremonial candles for a few that were more personal.” 

He explains, pointing to each candle as he goes. 

“The red fire candle is from our mating ceremony. The blue water candle was a gift from River when we announced that we were becoming exclusive, to certify our mating bond. The white air candle and green earth candles were from our summonings. And the purple quintessence candle is the same candle that has always been used, as it never burns out.” 

Air takes a small step forward then, offering a black candle to Copia. 

“I think you'll recognize this one.” 

His voice is much tighter than Earth's, his emotions at risk of bubbling to the surface at any moment. Copia nods, takes it with a gentle smile. 

“I think this is a beautiful tribute. We are ready to begin, then?” 

Air and Earth say that they are in unison, sharing a quick smile before Copia begins the ceremony. 

The portal opens, a swirling mix of elemental colors. The three men hold their breath as they watch it spin. 

And spin. 

And spin. 

And just as Air and Earth drop their heads in defeat, Copia's gasp fills them with hope. 

“Look, my lovelies, something is coming through!” 

Earth and Air scramble closer, seeing horns flicker in and out of the portal. They quickly take shape and soon they see the tip of a tail, a leg, an arm. A few more seconds pass and Earth feels the urge to open his arms, to step forward and catch the sweet kit as the portal closes.

They land in his arms softly and a hundred things flash before his eyes, dreams and possibilities and a future he had been so afraid to want, yet wanted like nothing else. He finally lets the tears fall, hitting the ground in big fat drops.

“Earth?”

Air has a gentle hand on his elbow, and he sniffles before turning around with a smile that could illuminate even the darkest corners of the catacombs. He feels their little heart breathing, the rapid rise and fall of their little chest. He holds up their kit, voice thick with emotion.

“It's a girl!”

[remembrancer-of-heresy]

Resistance (Roboute Guilliman, Lorgar)

Summary: Roboute doesn't want to let you go, but he does it… not suspecting that you will end up in the hands of a monster.

Roboute Guilliman/fem!Reader, Lorgar/fem!Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession

Word count: 1192

Song: Muse - Resistance

Roboute turned out cute. It is a pleasure to prescribe him, but very sad. However, Lorgar… oh my ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Roboute immediately singled you out from all the remembrancers. Not for your talent or ability to hold yourself. Not for your courage and especially your beauty. Everything was much simpler. Guilliman remembered how he got bored at one of the official events and began to look around the room. Everyone was engrossed in conversation and art, except for you.

You looked directly at the primarch. Stared openly. The primarch was already ready to prepare for you to approach him. You would try to start a diplomatic conversation or ask to serve him. Or you'll talk endlessly about how great he is. But instead you...

Show your tongue. You made a face.

Roboute couldn't help himself but choke on laughter, barely holding back so as not to attract attention to himself. You just smiled with satisfaction, looking at this picture. And turned away. You continued the conversation with the chronicler.

Guilliman himself sought a meeting with you.

“Your face brightened up my evening. And yet I have to ask why you-” - Roboute hesitated, not knowing how to describe your outburst. The event had already ended and it was deep night. But still he managed to find you in the corridor and be alone with you.

“You looked so sad. I wanted to somehow cheer you up.” - you shrug your shoulders easily as if nothing special had happened. As if you were not standing now with the primarch of the Ultramarines, the son of the Emperor, but with... an ordinary person.

You talked for a long time that evening. And in the following days. Guilliman didn't think he would admit it to himself, but he was fascinated by you. Tarasha would probably be delighted. He immediately remembered how his mother selected brides for him on Macragge even before he met the Emperor. But not a single meeting went well. But you were the exception.

After some time, Roboute invited you aboard his spaceship in hopes of spending more time with you. He had finally found you, no wonder he didn’t want to let you go. But you did not smile at his invitation like other remebrancers. You didn't joke in your style that you would find time for Guilliman in your schedule.

You frowned apologetically.

“Lorgar Aurelian has already invited me. He liked my knowledge of history. So I agreed. This was before I met you. I'm embarrassed to refuse your brother, it would be wrong. And then-"

"I see." - Roboute interrupted you gently. He nodded and you felt relieved from this conversation. - "Everything is fine."

No. Nothing was fine. He wanted to be with you, he wanted you. You so unexpectedly and rapidly burst into his life, colored his existence and reminded him of his humanity. And now you're slipping away. And of all the brothers, of all the primarchs, it was to Lorgar.

Roboute did not like Aurelian. He was weak. All his campaigns were ineffective and he was astonishingly slow to annex worlds to the Imperium. Not to mention the fact that he created conditions for them that suited him, and not the Emperor. His ideal cities were imbued with religiosity. Fanaticism. Old traditions that had to go.

Guilliman did not want to bring down his father's wrath on the inhabitants of the Monarchy. But an order is an order. He was not pleased to see his brother on his knees. But it was his duty. A modicum of pity for Lorgar filled Guilliman's hearts, but it was not enough to make him love his brother. Who now sought to indulge all his father’s words than before.

And still he was not happy. He wanted you to be with him. But the only thing worse than envy was a feeling vaguely reminiscent of fear. Warning. Roboute felt that if you set foot on Lorgar's ship, he would never see you again... but he did not believe in premonitions. And with pain in his hearts, he lets you go.

And his hatred hostility towards Lorgar will only grow stronger.

***

You were almost a goddess to him. He valued remembrances and yet he immediately noticed you. How you spoke with interest about the religion of the ancient peoples of Terra. With what zeal you explained old traditions to yourinterlocutors. They all listened to you with bated breath. You could be a great diplomat with such oratory skills.

But as you later told him, you were more interested in history than real politics. Power over other people's lives was not close to you. Lorgar felt his hearts flutter and his breathing quicken. They saw a different role in you, but you chose a different fate. He was not a warrior either, he was a priest... only he could not refuse the Emperor.

For now.

You were strong in spirit. In your opinion, you were strange. But Aurelian knew you were special. You didn't cry or faint next to the primarch. Didn't feel inspired or awed by his presence. No, you looked straight into his eyes and talked about human existence. About how human destiny is woven. The primarch himself did not notice how fascinated he was by your voice. Sweet and inviting. This is exactly how mortals feel when they open their souls to a preacher. And he wanted to open his soul and body.

“I’m not a believer, don’t think about it” - you make excuses and babble like a servant of the Imperial Truth. False Truth. “But while studying all these stories, I couldn’t help but think about what it would be like... to believe. In part, I even envy the ancient inhabitants of Terra... b-but I certainly don’t strive to believe in gods.”

No, you are striving. You desperately want to let them into your heart, Lorgar knew this. You were simply studying ancient false gods. But he could show you the truth. The primarch could kill for you for the glory of Khorne. Conduct conversations about the existence of the world for the glory of Tzeentch. Grant you eternal life for the glory of Nurgle.... and wallow with you in lust for the glory of Slaanesh.

Squeeze your fragile perfect body in his bulky hands. Hear your voice sing into the Warp. How you open up and lay bare before his eyes like a book. How you record his story, his torment and agony on your skin. The way you kiss his forehead in a motherly gesture. Until you move on your lips like a temptress.

...You are an amazing woman. You cannot be a Chaos Goddess. No. But your thoughts, your vision of the world, your unusual behavior with the primarchs pointed to your originality. You are a saint. And you must bear his word. And you will.

Lorgar feels a shiver run through his body as he sees your eyes blink in surprise when he asked you to become his personal remembrancer. The way your lips part and your chest heaves... Before the primarch opened the soul of Slaanesh, he could not even imagine such a thing as lust. Love? Yes. He felt it for you. But lust... it was a new feeling for him.

And he liked it.

[liesmyth]

the locked tomb holiday exchange rec list

Behold! The good, the magnificent, the sad! The filth and the angst and the feelings! The weird shit that would make TazMuir proud! 💀🎉✨☠️🔥🎊

Here are some favourites from a skim of works posted for @tlt-holiday-exchange, both art and fic. They are MANY and they are JUICY. Find the entire collection HERE, and keep an eye on for authors reveal coming soon!

ART FILLS

A Beautiful Fairy Tale. Wake tells little Bomb a bedtime story but she can't mention a princess without talking about guillotines. Rated T.

Dubious Curiosity. Nona is curious. Nona loves everyone. And Nona wants Cam. (Camilla/Nona) Rated M.

Fingers In Her Mouth. Camilla Hect misses the Warden. Maybe he can lend a helping hand… even in death. (Camilla/hand!Palamedes) Rated M.

just guys being bros. Camilla/Gideon. Gideon touches a boob! A very happy new year to awkward butch lesbians everywhere. Rated T.

Pyrrha Dve Appreciation. Pyrrha & Nona, soft hugs! Rated G.

Stealing Breath. Camilla/Gideon butch-off make-out session. Rated G.

To Shreds, You Say? Pyrrha/Mercymorn/Wake fucking nasty. Rated E.

FIC FILLS

a buried and a burning flame. Coronabeth fucks Gideon's corpse. Rated E.

For all intents and purposes the corpse of the Ninth’s cavalier is a bad lay. That’s all fine, though.

a grave, deep and narrow. Camilla/Palamedes, GtN AU, Character Death, Tape Recorder Conversation Redux. Podfic included! Rated T

Only Lyctors were meant to leave the First House alive. Ianthe insists on bringing Coronabeth; Judith dies of her injuries. Camilla is stranded alone at Canaan House — alone, except for the persistent hallucinations of her necromancer.

affix. Coronabeth/Harrow, humiliation kink, improper use of bones, dom!Harrow, GtN era. rated E.

Cytherea doesn't go to Canaan House AU - Corona overconfidently approaches Harrow in the hopes of exchanging lab keys. Harrow humbles her quickly.

AITA for telling my dad I didn't like my birthday party? Gideon & John, In-Universe Social Media, Character study, Rated T.

I (20F) told my dad (45?M) that I wanted a cool birthday party, but he threw me a terrible birthday party instead. Am I really the asshole for telling him I didn't like it?

and kings shall come out of thy loins. Gideon/Ianthe, crack treated seriously, body horor, SNAKES. Rated M.

Ianthe saves God from the stoma and the River and all she has to show for it are these fucking snubes.

come, dearest heart. Lyctor Palamedes AU, HtN era. Camilla/Palamedes, Pyrrha/Palamedes, Pyrrha/Camilla/Palamedes. Rated E.

In Canaan House, Palamedes Sextus unwillingly ascends to Lyctorhood to put an end to Cytherea the First's rampage. He's left heartbroken, grieving, and terribly, terribly lonely.

Don't Care If You Think I'm Dumb (I Don't Care At All). Gideon/Ianthe, Gideon as Kiriona, Unwholesome Tower Princes Bonding ft. bad sex and retail therapy. Rated E.

The newly christened Kiriona Gaia is not having a good time on the Mithraeum. At least she has Ianthe there to make her worse.

Follow Your Dreams, Never Let Them Die. Gideon/Harrow, Pokemon trainers AU! Rated T.

On her Pokemon Journey, Gideon Nav approaches the mysterious Drearburh City Gym - but something feels oddly familiar.

Gaia's Natural Market. modern AU, retail hell, Harrow/Gideon, Harrow/Ianthe, Gideon/Ianthe. Rated T

RING-A-DING-DING, the Holiday's are here! And nothing says "Give!" like the bounty of the Mother Herself, so come on by to GAIA's Natural Market! Treat your family to a home-cooked meal with only the PUREST of ingredients - all Produce Organic, all Products non-GMO, and all Smiles Authentic and free of Toxins!

Good Girl. Coronabeth/Ianthe, puppyplay, muzzles, rated E.

Coronabeth is Ianthe's big dicked bimbo puppy. Ianthe's into it.

Goodnight, New Rho. Camilla & Nona. Domestic Fluff, Missing Scene. Rated G.

Nona gets a bedtime story. Camilla reminisces about growing up with an older sister. They both sleep well, despite a notable lack of dogs.

In the Empire of the Deeps. Gideon/Nona/Ianthe, Gideon/Ianthe, Pirate AU, monsterfucking-adjacent, Nona is an eldritch sea creature. Rated E.

A chance encounter on the beach. Ianthe is manipulative, Kiriona is sad, and Nona is not as innocent as she seems. Sometimes, you might yearn for one person and meet another one. Sometimes, you have to take what you can get.

just like normal. Ianthe/Coronabeth, Cytherea is also there. Penis in vagina sex, Exhibitionism, Squirting. Rated E.

Ianthe gives herself a cock, and Corona is increasingly bewildered that she hasn’t been allowed to sit on it yet.

language of its own. Camilla/Palamedes. Worldbuilding, idiots to lovers, pre-canon. Rated T.

Camilla Hect has to do an erotic poetry final.

Masochism Tango. Porn with feelings, knifeplay, vivisection, lyctor-typical everything. Rated E.

Two occasions in which Pyrrha Dve had the pleasure of being under Cytherea's knife, and Mercymorn had the pleasure of Pyrrha Dve.

METHODS OF SUBDUCTION. Judith/Cornabeth, Judith & Varun. Planetary science rizz. Rated M.

Varun the Eater teaches Judith Deuteros how to flirt.

midnight mass. Mercymorn/Cristabel, pre-canon, Character Study. Rated T.

A lifetime before the resurrection and two decades before the apocalypse, a novice nun and a third-year medical student discuss goodness, passion, and salvation at midnight on Christmas morning.

motherhood. Mercymorn uses flesh magic on Wake. Hate sex ensues. Body horror, motherhood as violence, canon compliant. Rated E.

“I will kill you,” you say, with all the placid fervor of a religious convert. When you’re on the edge of real violence, you lose that tense little furrow in your brow—it’s beautiful, really. “Please give me a reason.”

My Love Overflows. Corona/Ianthe, Strap-on, Dirty talk, Impact Play, Hair Pulling, Bladder control. Rated E.

The one in which Corona pisses all over herself at Ianthe's whims.

name and rank. Judith/Coronabeth, Judith & Varun. Judith's failwoman swag! Rated T.

As Judith lies dying, she has nothing but time. Varun the Eater uses it to teach her how to flirt with the Princess. Don’t worry. Varun has got this!

New Rule. Mercymorn/Pyrrha, Ranch AU, stablehand Pyrrha, boss/employee relationship. Rated E.

Never hire stablehands who are too handsome and capable for their own good.

no shade in the shadow of the cross. Cytherea/Mercymorn, angst, fisting, two pillow princesses NOT making it work! Rated E.

Cytherea and Mercymorn have an ill-timed tryst.

per my last email. Camilla/Palamedes. Academia, banter. On peer review and multitasking. Rated M.

“Warden,” she said patiently, “you want me so badly it’s making you stupid."

RISKING OUR LIVES FOR UNIVERSITY HOLE???? 🤯😳 University AU, Team 69. The hole is a basement to be clear! Rated T.

The difficult part of visiting the local haunted house for a feature in the university magazine is not actually the visiting; it’s the writing about it afterwards.

So Messed Up. Ianthe/Coronabeth. Puppy play, collars & leashes, tail plug. Rated E.

Ianthe using her flesh magic to give Corona a big cock for petplay because she loves the idea of her sister being a big dicked bimbo puppy girl who just wants to rut into her.

The Great Gamete Gambit. Camilla & Palamedes, Pre-canon, worldbuilding, sixth house reproductive practices. Rated G.

Palamedes and Camilla have an important package to send, but there's been a heist in the gamete repository! Can the 15-year-old Master Warden and his cavalier crack the case?

The Sextus Scandal. Camilla/Palamedes, Epistolary, Pre-Canon Divergence. Rated E.

Transcripts and documents relating to the disciplinary hearing and subsequent resignation of Master Warden Palamedes Sextus.

Ways to Be Perfect. Babs/Colum Asht, GtN era, Rated M.

When Naberius first glanced across the supper table at Colum Asht, he didn’t immediately get the impression that he was liked.

The end!

Thank you for making it this far. If you enjoyed any of these works, or anything else in the collection, please drop a comment to make our creators feel appreciated <3

[post creators reveal exchange wrap post]

[tothosewholisten]

Forever Healed | TUA insert

Chapter: 05

<<previous chapter | next chapter>>

Masterlist

…

Five and I discussed our new plan on the way back to the academy.

“We need to go back, now.” Five insisted as he paced around his bedroom.

I stood by the door trying to distance myself from the angry teen.

“I know..” I pause. “But you already saw how demanding works. And also you're a kid, of course they didn't take you seriously.”

“Why is this eye so important anyway?” I ask.

He huffs. “Whoever has this eye brings upon the end of the world. I need to figure out who it is.”

Every time Five repeats that the world is ending I try to ignore it. But with the D-day getting closer and closer I realize I need to do a few things on my bucket list.

“We need someone else.” He mutters, breaking me out of my thoughts.

He's right, our story wasn't convincing at all. You need a strong narrative to get information out of suckers. So we need a dramatic person who can play a part.

Suddenly it dawned on me. We need-

..

“You know, I am so thrilled to join your guys' spy mission! It's just like old times.” Klaus reminisced with sappy tears in his eyes.

“I don't think we've ever done this.” Five retorts.

I know that the boy wasn't the most excited about getting help from Klaus but I told him if Klaus puts his mind to it, we're getting that information.

Five and I went over to the dining room where Klaus was snoring on the couch. In his underwear.

At first he wouldn't get up, that was until Five offered him twenty dollars and he bolted upstairs to get ready. We trailed after him back to Five’s room where he was waiting on Five's bed.

I love Klaus but his outfit choices have always been questionable even when we were teens.

“What are you wearing?” I asked disgustedly.

I did not receive an answer because Five heard a noise and peered his head out the door.

An annoyed look on his face appeared when he turned back around to us. “Vanya's here. Klaus hide.” He whispers.

Klaus gets up from the bed and dashes around the room, looking for anywhere that's big enough to fit his lanky body. I point to Five's closet.

He contorts himself to fit inside and closes the door behind him. Just in time too because Vanya walks into the room.

“Thank god, I was worried sick about you two.” She expressed her uneasiness.

I frowned. “Sorry, we left without saying goodbye.” If only I wasn't dragged by that little boy I would've loved to talk to her more.

“No look. I'm the one who should be sorry.” Vanya turns to Five. “Yeah, I was dismissive, and I– I guess I couldn't process what you were saying. And I still can't to be honest.” She stutters out.

I couldn't tell if it was an act but Five’s face turned almost sad. “Maybe you were right to be dismissive.” He says.

I'm not sure where this acting was when we were at Meritech. But I match his hurt look.

“Maybe it wasn't real after all. It felt real. Well like you said, the old man did say time travel could contaminate the mind.” Five continued.

Five is interrupted by a loud crash that comes from the closet. I ran over to stand in front of it trying to distract from the noises Klaus was making as they kept talking.

“Then maybe I'm not the right person for you to be talking to. Look, I used to see someone. A therapist, I could give you her information.” Vanya shares.

Five is quick to feign a smile. “No thanks, but I think I'm just going to get something to eat. It's been a long time since I've had good food.”

Vanya nods and steps back out of the room.

As soon as Five goes back to the door to make sure that she is gone, the warm look on his face disappears and his permanent scowl returns instead.

The closet behind me starts to shake and I take a step away hoping that Klaus doesn't decide to fall on me.

His curled body leaps out of the closet. “That was so… touching!” He trips over fallen junk from the closet. “All that stuff about family and Dad and time. Wow!”

��Will you shut up, she'll hear you.” He yells.

“I'm moist.”

“What the hell Klaus.” I scoot further away from him.

Five takes a moment to look him up and down. “I thought I told you to put on something professional.”

The outfit he put on was a green button-up shirt with frilly red-lined sleeves. Honestly atrocious.

“What? This is my nicest outfit.” Klaus cries.

“Let's go look at the old man's closet,” I suggest pushing Klaus out of the room.

Five groans before following us out.

“As long as I get paid,” Klaus exclaims.

“When the job is done.”

He stops us. “Okay, but just so we're clear on the finer details. I just gotta go into this place and pretend to be your dear old Dad. Correct?”

“Yeah, something like that,” I replied.

“What's our cover story then?”

“What? What are you talking about?” Five gives him a puzzled look.

“I mean, was I really young when I had y/n? Like, 16? Like, young and terribly misguided. Then yada yada some years later you came along, Five.” Klaus rambles putting his hands on his chest.

“Sure.”

“Your mother, that slut.. whoever she was. We met at.. oh! The disco.”

I cackle at Klaus’s backstory but Five couldn't look more concerned.

“Remember that.” The man snaps. “Oh, my god, the sex was amazinggg.”

“What a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain.” Five turns to go down the stairs.

Klaus holds out his pointer like a stern dad. “Don't make me put you into time out.” He yells.

..

“Like I said to your son and daughter?” The same doctor questions us from before.

We arrived at the same part of the building but this time the man had the decency to bring us to his office.

“Yes, these are my children,” Klaus replies affirmatively.

He now had on one of Reginald's many suits; it made him look the part.

“Yeah, can't you tell?” My hand messaging my temple as I throw that in, trying to mask my sarcasm, cause well none of us looked alike.

“Well, like I told your children earlier, any information about the prosthetics we build is strictly confidential.” The man emphasizes each word to us like we are all babies.

Klaus sat in a chair across from the man's desk and I sat in the other, but Five stood up in the middle of us with his hands on the doctor's glass desk. Getting ready for round two of his yelling match.

“Without the client's consent. I simply can't help you.”

“Well, we can't get consent if you don't give us a name.” Five yells.

The doctor looks defeated. “Well, that's not my problem.”

I’m sure Five wished his powers were laser eyes instead of teleportation because of how he was staring at the man so intensely.

“Sorry. Now, there's really nothing more I can do, so–”

Klaus looked up from his lap. “And what about my consent?”

“Excuse me?”

Everyone turns to look at him.

“Who gave you permission… to lay your hands on my son?” Klaus cried.

“What?” Five, the doctor and I all say at once.

“You heard me.”

“I didn't touch your son.” The man states matter of factly.

Klaus slowly gets up from his chair “Oh, really? Well, how did he get that swollen lip then?”

“He doesn't have a swollen-”

The man didn't have time to finish his sentence because Klaus suddenly swung at Five and slapped him in the mouth.

I hide my expression with my palm and watch.

He inhales sharply. “I want it. Name, please. Now.” He slaps his hands onto the doctor's desk.

The man stutters trying to think of something to say. “You're crazy.” He replies.

Klaus fakes a chuckle. “You got no idea.”

He picks up the snow globe on the man's desk. “Peace on earth? That's so sweet.” He reads out loud.

He then smashes the snow globe into his head causing everyone to let out a shriek as it breaks into tiny pieces. I cringe looking at all that blood on his head.

He screams out. “God that hurt.” Water from the snow globe dripped all over his face.

The man doesn't break eye contact with Klaus but hurryingly reaches for the telephone on his desk.

“I'm calling secur– what are you doing?” The man yells out but Klaus takes the telephone right from his sweaty hands.

“There's been an assault… in Mr. Big's office, and we need security, now. Schnell!” Klaus screams into the telephone before slamming it back onto its post.

He sighs. “Now, here's what's gonna happen, Grant.”

“It's… Lance.”

“In about sixty seconds two security guards are gonna burst through that door, and they're gonna see a whole lot of blood and wonder ‘What the hell happened?’ And we're gonna tell them that you… beat the shit out of us!” Klaus rambles.

“While making googly eyes at my young daughter!” He sobs.

Five stares at Klaus admirably.

“You're gonna do great in prison, Grant. Trust me, I've been there. A little piece of chicken like you. Oh my god, you're gonna get passed around like a…” He moves his hips in a circle to make a point.

Then shutters thinking back at old memories. “You're just– you're gonna do great. That's all I'm saying.”

Lance almost cries out looking at all of us. “Jesus, you are a real sick bastard.”

Klaus stares at him blankly. “Thank you.”

He spits out a piece of snow globe glass. The look on Five face is priceless, I'm for one so proud of Klaus right now. He never went Broadway but this was pretty close.

Lance rushes over to a long line of filing cabinets. Searching for the information that will satisfy us. Klaus sat on top of the cabinet making the doctor go even faster, fearing for his life.

“Oh, that's strange.” He says.

“What.” Five ask.

“Uh, the eye. It hasn't been purchased by a client yet.”

Klaus jumps off the cabinet and gets up into Lance's face. “What? What do you mean?” He whispers.

“Well, uh, our logs say that the eye with that serial number… This can't be right. It hasn't even been manufactured yet.” Lance looks up at Five. “Where did you get that eye?”

Five huffs. He walks away from all of us to the elevator and leaves us with Lance.

I grab onto Klaus to move him outside as he blows Lance a smooch before we go into the elevator as well.

We walk out of the building's doors when Five starts to talk again. “Well, this is not good.” He says.

“I was pretty good, though, right? ‘Yeah. What about my consent, bitch?” He laughs.

“Klaus, it doesn't matter.” The boy sighs and we stop walking.

“What? What, what's the big deal with this eye, anyways?” The hurt Klaus asks.

I grab onto the two men to heal them of their injuries before answering for Five who looks like he's about to explode.

“There's someone out there who's going to lose an eye in the next seven days. And they're gonna bring about the end of life on earth as we know it!” I say, rubbing my forehead.

“Yeah, can I get that twenty bucks, like, now, or what?”

I stare at my adopted brother with my brows furrowed. “You're not gonna question what I just said, at all?”

Five steps closer to him. “The apocalypse is coming and all you can think about is getting high?”

“Well, I'm also quite hungry. Tummies a rumblin.” Klaus wiggles his fingers to imitate grumbling.

“You're useless.” Five shakes his head while walking away from the two of us to sit on the building's steps.

“Oh come on, you need to lighten up old man!” Klaus mocks. I move from Klaus to sit near Five and listen to the rest of Klaus’s spiel.

“Hey, you know, I’ve just now realized why you're so uptight. You must be horny as hell!”

Klaus’s laughter is matched by my own as he sits next to us. “That’s not funny Klaus,” I reply still giggling. Five on the other hand wasn’t amused, he looked deep in thought not even staring in our direction.

“All those years by yourself, it's gotta screw with your head, being alone.”

Five concentration breaks, “well.” He starts. “I wasn't alone.” Klaus and I immediately go silent and stare at him.

“Spill,” I say.

“Her name was Delores. We were together for over thirty years.” The small bit of happiness on Five's face was very easy to see.

“Thirty years? Oh, wow!” Klaus chuckles. “God, the longest I've been with someone.. I didn't know for three weeks. And that's only because I was so tired from looking for a place to sleep.”

Klaus went on like that for a good five minutes rambling about his love life and how hard it was not having anywhere to stay. I yawned in desperate need of a break from whatever this was. And it looked like Five was ready to blink away.

I turned to him and signaled that we should leave by nudging my head to the busy road that was right in front of the building. He nods back at me.

“He did make the most fantastic osso buco, though. It was..”

Five takes hold of my sleeve and we blink from the steps into a taxi. “Don’t stop, just keep driving.” Five demands of the panicked driver.

“Hey! Where’d you guys go?” I hear Klaus yell as we drive past him. Five turns to the window and gives Klaus a wave that makes him instantly stand up and try to run over to us.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what about my money?!” He shouts but we’re long gone by then. I would’ve felt bad if this wasn't so funny.

Five was bleak at times and angry, and a lot of other things but he had his fun moments. We missed a lot of time getting to know each other but, this made up for it.

“So where to now?” I ask.

“I am going to run, uh an errand. I'm dropping you off at the academy.”

“Sounds good to me.” I smile. I needed this break to rest today. It was exhausting. “Our adventures have been fun, we should do it again.”

He turns to me, “Oh yeah?”

I hum in response.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

The sky turned a vibrant shade of dark blue by the time we reached a familiar street, we were almost at the academy. I kinda wanted to join Five on his errand but I didn't say anything.

I paid the taxi driver the spare tens in my pocket for not freaking out and reminded myself that I'd pay Klaus tomorrow too. And walked up to the doors of the Umbrella Academy.

“Goodnight Five!” I call out as I open the front door. But I walked in before hearing his response, only hearing the sound of the taxi driving away.

..

I found myself in a spot I always went to when I needed to escape my ‘father’. It was a storage closet-like room that had a tiny balcony where Ben and I would hang out in the late hours of the night.

But now I was by myself and Ben was nowhere to be found. So I lit a cigarette and stared at the night sky. It’s a bad habit that I picked up during all my time with Klaus, It did help me calm my nerves though.

“Y/n?”

I turned around to see Alison in the doorway. A frown was painted on her beautiful face.

“It's good to see you, I didn't expect you to still be here.” She expressed while sitting down next to me.

“Me neither but I had a busy day chasing around a fifty-something-year-old. Thought I'd stay just to see what else happened around here. Or the truth could be I just kinda missed it around here, I'm not sure.”

Alison nodded. “I'm glad you're here, we haven’t really talked at all I've just been so busy with trying to get in touch with Claire and-“

I briefly cut her off. “Yeah, is everything okay with that?”

“My ex-husband, Patrick is trying to make it seem like I don’t care about this court stuff. Since I'm missing a session of mandated therapy.” She huffs.

“Can I have a cigarette?”

I reached into my black jacket pocket and pulled out the pack. Half of it was already empty but I just bought it before I came here, I guess I need more.

“Wouldn't the court recognize that as like, certain circumstances?” I ask.

“Yes! That’s what I tried to tell him. But he won't listen at all.” Alison groaned, holding the now-lit cigarette.

I smirk. “He sounds like an ass.”

“You don’t even know,” we both shared a good laugh.

“But,” she says while laughing. “What’s been going on with you? I know that's very broad because we haven’t seen each other since my wedding but, have you been doing anything new?”

I look forward to the pitch-black sky. “Yeah uhm, not much,”

Alison thinks for a moment, “Oh! I know. Whatever happened to your boyfriend? The guy you brought to my wedding.”

I froze, my mouth slightly open and the cigarette I held between my lips fell to the balcony floor. “Oh him..”

“Did something happen Y/n?”

“No no, we just broke up I guess.”

Alison grabs onto my hand, squeezing me tightly. “I'm so sorry.” She says.

It’s not that I forgot about my ex, no I couldn’t. I just liked to pretend that he was a part of my childhood nothing more. But in reality, we only broke up about half a year ago.

“We didn’t have the best relationship,” I told her. “He wasn't the nicest guy but I stayed. We were on and off but I officially broke up with him a couple of months ago.”

She fiddled with her curly hair. “I would’ve never been able to tell, he just seemed so nice at the time. I thought you guys were the perfect match. Y/n I'm so sorry, forget I brought him up.”

“It’s okay, I mean you didn't know,” I reassured the woman.

“If you need anything I'm always here for you, you know? I don’t think we were ever the closet but. I'm here for you.” Alison states.

I wasn't sure how to respond, this was all so surreal. Telling someone how I felt was like a boulder being lifted off my chest. I was comfortable enough to do it again.

“Thank you, Alison, I appreciate you.” I grinned

“Miss Alison, are you up here?” Pogo's voice called out. The ape walked into the room as dapper as ever in his suit. “Ah, Miss Y/n you’re up here too good.”

“I was looking for you.” He said to Alison.

We quickly put out our cigarettes and turned our attention to Pogo.

“How did you, uh.. How’d you know I was up here?” She asked.

“Well it wasn't hard, this is where you two would always come when you were upset. I remember it, yes.” He nodded.

I didn’t know that Alison would come here too. All of our childhood I felt myself slightly put up against her when really we couldn’t be more alike.

“Who told you I was.. Luther.” She sighs.

“It was Miss Vanya. She called to make sure you were okay.”

“What happened?” I blurt out.

Alison stretches her legs by walking around the room. “I said some pretty

unkind things to her earlier.”

Pogo shook his head. “She’s your sister. She knows you didn't mean it.”

“Doubt it” Alison scoffs. “She doesn't know anything about me, which is fine because I don’t know shit about here either.”

That was the downside of all of us branching out, we never stayed in touch. If I had moved to a different state I would’ve never known how Klaus was doing and how I could help him. How different my life could’ve been, I mean what if I didn't come to the funeral? Life would’ve died without me having the slightest clue.

“Language”

Alison chuckles at his humor. “Sorry.”

Afraid of just sitting there, I cut into their conversation. “It has been a while since we’ve lived under the same roof, you know?”

They both agree with my sentiment.

“Almost thirteen years,” Pogo said

“Wow,” Alison and I both remark.

“How did you do it? Also in this big house for so long?” I ask.

“Well, one grows used to things, even if sometimes.. one shouldn’t.” He replies, the sadness evident in his voice.

I should’ve visited him, I'm an adult, Reginald can’t scare me anymore and no one was here. I was so close to them but still, I never wanted to come back without a reason. This place was my home for many years, yes, but it wasn’t my first home.

Pogo senses that we’re both down in the dumps. “You two should come with me. I want to show you something. It might just cheer you up,” he says.

..

We followed Pogo downstairs into one of the mansion's many rooms. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen this room before. The hallway was dark with only a few orange lights that barely helped see anything.

The tiny room was filled with rows of old TVs and controls with glowing buttons. Most of the tvs were black but there were a few Pogo must've turned on. Then he went into a box and pulled out a tape. He placed it into the TV closest to him.

The tape played old security camera recordings of us as kids, probably around thirteen from what we looked like. It would’ve been creepy if it didn't make me sad, these memories are some of the good times at the academy that I ignored because of all the bad.

Alison and I gawked at the footage. We sat in two chairs that were in front of the TVs as Pogo talked to us from behind. “Your father stopped recording years ago. But I still come here from time to time. When I'm missing you kids.” He said.

Alison was the first to speak. “Pogo, this is..” she sighs. “Most families have home movies to look back on. We have surveillance footage.”

“I hoped it might cheer you up.”

I laugh. “This definitely does.”

Previous to the new tape Pogo just put in, some of the other TVs had more footage. My eyes drifted from screen to screen soaking up all the cute moments.

“Oh my god look how little we were,” Alison tells me.

One screen was Alison and I in her room trying on Grace’s clothes. “Ohh, I remember this,” I said.

And Alison turns to see the one I'm looking at. “This was so fun! Mom always had the best clothes.” She exclaimed.

Grace's dresses were obviously too big for us, but that didn't stop us. Her clothes were modeled after old housewives of a different time and might look strange and out of date to others. But we loved them.

I moved to another screen of me, Ben and Klaus talking. We were sitting on one of the main staircases. I wish I could freeze time to that moment forever, just the three of us again.

Alison follows where my sad eyes are staring. “I miss him so much.” She said upsetly.

“Me too” I whisper.

The screen next to that was of Vanya, playing her violin alone. You could hear the sound of us children in the background and Alison’s voice while she played by herself. It was the heartbreaking reality of our childhood.

“Why didn't we include her? I mean if anyone ever treated Claire like that, I can’t even imagine.” Alison wonders.

“You were children, Miss Alison,” Pogo replies.

“Yeah.. but I'm not anymore and neither is she.”

Pogo straightens up like he’s getting ready to head out. “If you two aren’t in a hurry. There’s more tapes in that cabinet.” He nudges his head to a large cabinet overflowing with tapes with all different labels.

The man drops the key into my hand. “Make sure to lock up when you're done, things have been disappearing lately. These are too important to lose.”

I tell him I will and Pogo heads back out through the door. But before he leaves he gives us one more look. I turn back towards the screens and rethink back to those happier days.

Alison stands up to go over to the cabinet, she picks up a similar-looking tape. But above the box, there was a rusty tape. The label was gone and it looked scratched up.

“What’s that?” I ask. She opens it and slides it into a screen.

“I don’t know but I guess we're gonna see.” She hits rewind and it starts to buffer before playing. The video was harder to make out than all the other black-and-white films. Alison and I both leaned in and once my eyes focused it was clear what was going on.

“Oh god, Dad.”

…

Aug 14 update:

If you'd like to be added to the tag list for rest of the series (starts at chapter 10) say taglist in the comments!

[brokenchainsforgedbonds]

[lost characters as crane wives characters. lets go]

[jack shepherd - know how]

[fundamentally a song about anxiety and not being able to move on, feeling trapped and resistant to let things change even when it should be for the better. jack can't move on, it's a fundamental driver of the story, he always feels like he can't be done with anything.]

[kate austen - easier]

[ive talked about this before but. its literally her. girl who feels like she cant ever find peace staying in one place. girl who just wants to settle down but can never find a way to cure that aching in her chest to move.]

[john locke - new discovery]

[john felt like he was stuck, a sad old man with nothing to live for, just going through the motions without purpose. so, he searches for something to give him meaning, but even when he finds it in the island, he feels like he has to keep pushing and keep forcing on to preserve that sense of purpose, because he has to be moving towards something, or else it was all for nothing.]

[james "sawyer" ford - ancient history]

[okay i really love this one. ancient history's so james core its about a traumatic past that you can't help but let color your existence. like james, the singer feels defined by what's happened to them because of how much it still hurts them. he tries to move on, but he's trapped in cycles.]

[sayid jarrah - the wolf]

[well someone sure thinks they're a monster. the singer of the wolf sees themself as something dangerous and violent, something that will inevitably hurt the people they care about. both the singer & sayid feel like they're trapped in cycles that just hurt themself and others.]

[hugo "hurley" reyes - volta]

[very much a song about mental health. specifically it's about improving, finally deciding to do something about what you've been through. fundamentally volta's a song about hope & making a change for yourself in a way that's super reminiscent of hurley.]

[sun-hwa & jin-soo kwon - curses]

[okay yes i know all the rest of the characters got their own separate songs and all but 1. sun & jin's arcs are so heavily defined by each other in a way unique to them, and 2. curses is so incredibly them i dont want to pass it up. the two struggle to find the words for each other, to be open about what weighs on them and their secrets, to the point it nearly destroys their relationship. but, in the end, the two still stay together, they still try to improve their relationship.]

[charlie pace - the garden]

[the garden is in large part a song about catholic guilt. need i say more? it doesn't matter because i will. charlie feels incredibly guilty over his past and his actions, but struggles to respond to that guilt, instead stewing in self-hate and fear.]

[claire littleton - here i am]

[claire forever feels abandoned. in her flashbacks and by people on the island, she is always left behind by the people she cares about, until she feels like her loneliness is forcd to define her in season 6.]

[desmond hume - little soldiers]

[little soldiers is extremely despen coded. desmond insists that he cares about penny, but fears that after everything, he's hurt her too bad. and yet, him and penny still try, they still put in the work to improve and stay together.]

[aight thats all i can fit for now ill add a part two in a bit]

[wishdonttell]

Hi! I'd like to request some HC of Königs fave food pls! Like the dishes he used to eat when he was young and the memories associated with them, and his current faves as an adult :D thanks!

HIHI! Thank you for the request and sorry for the wait my school messed up my registration and my teacher doesn't believe in giving me paperwork so it has been a mess lol! But THIS WAS SO CUTE AHHH!

König can usually deal with the poor acquitted food he's giving in his service, but when he was stationed in America seeing even the American-core version of his home-cook food had him salivating

On his way back home he decided to visit his mother and stay a night or two. she was over the moon at her big baby staying and decided to treat him to a feast.

His mother had some sweet savory Kaiserschmarrn left over for König. He sat there eating some, just melting into the couch with a happy contempt face, He wish he could eat this every day even though it was a bit sweet.

He remembers the first time his Oma made some after he had a rough day in 1st grade. He was sobbing and she picked him up sat him on her lap and gave him some, shushing the crying boy.

That shows he feels now like that little boy, but instead of crying from sadness, it was out of fondness. He kissed his mother's cheek as he retreats to his childhood room, it still looks the same as the last time he visit.

When it came to morning time his mother knocked on the door before coming in with a tray, she sat at the end of the bed as he handed him the food.

it was Apfelradln- he looked in shock. mainly cause he hasn't asked for these since freshman year of school. these were his favorite but he use to get made fun of cause it was "childish" to wanna eat healthy apparently to teens- teens are very scary- he shivered thinking about it.

His mother ate one with him as she reminisced over how he came home one day and told her to never make them again, but when she made it for his little cousins, he would always steal some before securing away.

König couldn't help the embarrassment crept up onto his face, but if he be fair he had a fragile ego back then and sometimes still do.

His mother told him to get dressed so they can go shopping for lunch and dinner, and she'll make him anything.

His ears perked up like a puppy. He hated shopping, but how can he say no to his mother? He got dressed and put on a black medical mask before following his mother into town.

As they bought the ingredients for his favorite comfort food, his mother smiled in delight at how her son truly hasn't changed much, but grew so much.

She couldn't help but tease Konig and asked him when he gonna get a s/o and he couldn't help the cough that came out as he avoided her eyes. She laughed softly before continuing to check out which König refused to let her pay.

On the way back she allowed König to help cook the meal, I mean it was more like König trying to make his mother do the least amount of work, even telling her to go watch tv and he'll handle the hard stuff- nothing is a hard sweetheart...

Once he finished though they are rewarded with some hot and steamy Käsespätzle. He smiled as he made his mother's plate first and then his bring it to his mother as they sat and ate together.

His mother could help herself though but let out a little comment

"so Käsespätzle wasn't emberassing or lame as a kid but Apfelradln was"

She giggled to herself as König groaned and enjoyed his cheesy Käsespätzle.

he kissed his mother's check as he retreated to bed again after spending the rest of the day with her. He smiled as his belly was full and his heart swelled with love.

He couldn't wait to come back on his next break.

Sorry about the wait! but I truly hope you enjoyed it!!

[bluegekk0]

I hope you have a Happy New Year and I offer you a slightly angsty Pale Nightmare headcannon I have based on your latest art.

Grimm was obviously torn about PK disappearance. He was in denial and lashed out. He ends up slightly having an obsession with King Idols when visiting Hallownest, hoping that PK will maybe come back. Anything of PK's likeness breaks him. When Ghost comes around, Grimm tries not to break as they are so similar to their father. He keeps it together until the first dance as Grimm keeps on seeing his face during the dance. After the Grimmkins left, Grimm kneeled down and cried into a confused Ghost(who doesn't know PK is their father at this point, or that they remind Grimm of his old love interest). Then obviously when Grimm sees Hornet, he also breaks down. But then when PK returns he just embraces him and doesn't let go for a while.

Now I remember in a few asks that Hornet and Grimms reunion wasn't as emotional as Pk and Grimm. And I also remember that your depiction of Grimm keeps his emotions in check.

Awwwh thats so sad omg... Yeah I definitely think he was very prone to breaking down during that time. Though in his case there was no crying involved - with the way his eyes work, he's not capable of crying. And he never changed his body to make it possible since he's very adamant about keeping his emotions to himself and not showing vulnerability.

Instead, he would distance himself from others. His breakdowns were very quiet, and it would be difficult to tell it's even happening. The only clues were him not speaking at all, his hands clenched in a fist and slightly shaking, and his eyes looking very detached from reality, like he's not fully there. Though if asked about it, he would react in a pretty dismissive fashion, telling you to mind your own business, and then leaving to separate himself from others and suffer alone.

I really like the idea of him keeping certain objects that remind him of FPK. Maybe not a King's Idol, insteadI had this really adorable (and cheesy) idea of FPK giving him a little music box locket that he made, as a sign of his gratitude for Grimm always being there for him. Of course at that time it was framed as a gift from a friend to a friend (though it's very likely that FPK did do it out of subconscious feelings for him that were slowly emerging as time went on), but Grimm held it close to his heart ever since. The idea is obviously inspired by Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean, I'm not even going to pretend otherwise, I listened to his theme while thinking about Grimm for far longer than i'd like to admit. But I just really really love it. The mental image of Grimm holding it in his hand as he visits the ruins of the palace again and again, slowly losing hope that FPK will return. Him listening to the quiet tune in his moments of solitude, reminiscing of the time they spent together, and yearning for a reunion that may never happen... It's just perfect. and FPK's reaction to seeing it again after his return, realizing that Grimm kept it the entire time, and that his worries that he forgot about him had no ground to stand on after all... Augh I love thinking about it.

But back to the ask. Ghost definitely reminded him of FPK, which hit him very hard. Arriving in Hallownest for the ritual was very difficult for him in the first place, and if it wasn't for Hornet showing up to ask for help with Holly, he'd leave as soon as the ritual was finished. I'm not sure whether he actually did perform the dance with Ghost in the AU, I'm leaning towards the ritual being interrupted very early, but if it did happen then yeah, he would most certainly need a moment to himself afterwards. A very long one. though I can't see him breaking down in front of Ghost, i think he'd just excuse them and leave.

Now, seeing Hornet hit him even harder. Yes, Ghost was also the child of his love, but Hornet was the one he formed a bond with in her childhood. She was the little spider that could have been his daughter that he raised with FPK if they got together earlier, or at least that was a scenario he liked to imagine. So seeing her now, after all those years, knowing that he failed to be there for her when she needed it, it would be painful for him. And above all, she was his closest link to FPK, and a reminder of his lost love that he also wasn't there for. Though once again he wouldn't show it in front of her, and only mentioned it later down the line.

For all those years of FPK's absence Grimm was a broken mess, though he was good enough at hiding it that most of those around him didn't even realize. Well, they did notice his outbursts of anger that were far more common than they used to, but most of them probably figured it was just him having a bad day. And even if it was just over 30 years, which to a being like him is almost nothing, it certainly felt like eternity (it being such a short period relatively to his age also meant that he didn't get much time to actually process his grief). All those decades that he could've spent with his beloved Wyrm, one that was seemingly gone forever, all lost because he took things too slow and failed to be there when FPK needed him most. It's no wonder that their reunion was probably the first time he just let his emotions go free, not hiding anything and finally showing how vulnerable he truly felt. And it's why he continues to be more emotionally open in front of him to this day.

FPK really is everything to him. Is it healthy? No, probably not. But it makes sense that he would be so obsessively attached to him. And that's why i love them, they would die and kill for each other without hesitation, they're the annoying couple that won't get their hands off of one another for a second, and they're polar opposites in many ways which means they complete each other. But what connects them is that they were both lonely for most of their life, and it's that loneliness they experienced that makes them unable to imagine a reality where they're not together. It took them far too long to confess their feelings for each other, but that slow burn just makes them even more engaging to me. I just love them so much. Even if they're corny as hell

[not-that-n]

A few days ago I was awake at 2 am against my will, engaging in activities typical to that hour, mostly crying and feeling miserable with myself.

I grab my phone and open youtube, lacking the will to get out of my bed and go to my laptop, where I would usually do it. I'm not exactly sure what I was trying to do, mostly just have some noise in the background to either distract myself or add a bit of spice to the crying, who knows.

It doesn't really matter the reason, because whatever plan I had was interrupted by the first two video recommendations. The first one, a title-less, thumbnail-less video by an account called "Don't Worry", followed immediately by a video only a couple minutes long, with the thumbnail of a silhouette of person sitting, with the title "The Day You Killed Yourself ".

I'm not exactly sure why, but that peculiar combination made for a surprisingly disturbing image, like if somehow the algorithm was sending a message to me, in particular, "don't worry, some day you will kill yourself " or something like that. Of course I'm aware that there's no ghost or supernatural phenomena, or at least I hope so, in my phone to send prophetic messages through Youtube recommendations, but still it made for quite the upsetting experience, probably mostly because of my already altered emotional state.

I decide to check both videos, mostly to make sure it actually isn't some sort of secret message sent by phone ghosts, partly out of curiosity.

The first was one of those internet checkpoint videos, where people just vent and talk to each other, collectively journaling a specific experience or the progress they made. It reminded me of first stumbling into what I assume was the first video of this archetype, it was 2020, or maybe 2021 or 22, I don't remember but I do remember being an angry and sad teenager, which feels weird considering that was, at least 2 years ago, at most only 4 years ago. I remember writing about just how much everything seemed hopeless, meaningless. I leave the video, I don't need such a thing as a checkpoint, the other one looked more interesting anyways.

The second video was a song, the number of lyrics could be counted with a single hand, yet it was surprisingly succinct in its message and surprisingly effective in the feeling it delivered. A person, grieving a lost loved one who took their own life. But the content of the song in itself wasn't the experience I want to talk in here, it was, instead, the feelings it managed to bring out of the people that heard it.

The comment section was a cacophony of grief, some were reminiscing about their attempts, others were giving eulogies to the people they lost, some told others that life gets better, others that it didn't. Some were anthems of conviction, bittersweet notes in the grim chorus about the resilience involved in surviving the battle against mental health, others just told their experience, hopefully finding solace in the company of another one's experience.

It was a poem, in the indescribable way all the poems are. Such a recollection of the human experience, of the reactions people have against struggle. People with old, healed scars screaming in the same void as freshly opened wounds.

One comment was a personal story, I don't remember the details but I do remember the husk of a conversation that happened in the responses. It was half a chain, mentioning and talking to someone who either deleted the account or every message involved. People were asking if this unseen person was fine, if they needed help. I do not know how the conversation ended, I do not know what happened to the person that apparently needed the help. I hope they are fine, but I'll never know.

I had a similar experience, once in a time frame as vague as the one previously described with the internet checkpoint. On an instagram comment section, someone with a king crimson profile picture was talking about their mental health struggles, talking about their plans to end it all. By the time I saw the comment, it would have already happened. I asked if they were fine. I was left without an answer. I hope they are doing well today, whoever they are, whatever they went through.

I don't feel the need to vent or scream to the internet void in hope of an answer anymore, I say that well aware of how long this, for lack of a better description, rant is. But there was a time, during that vague timeframe I barely remember anymore, were I did leave comments in search of help, feeling miserable but not knowing how to ask, I have been that unseen person that deleted their account, their fate left unknown. Yet I'm alive, not doing well but so much better than I once was, my fate is not yet written and I hope same applies to everyone in those comment sections, I hope they all find solace in the common grief, I hope they find some peace in a better life, I hope that the storm was indeed just passing through them and that now they are all fine, I know that is not the case for everyone, but when left without any evidence of what could have happened to them, the one last thing I have is hope. I just hope they are doing fine.

[casspurrjoybell-31]

The Consort's Will - Chapter 2 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Finn

It's Leo.

My gaze quickly studies his similar features that have changed so much.

The clean-shaven, well-dressed professor almost looks like a completely different person.

Just like myself, where he was lean before, he is overly thin now.

His lips are beyond chapped.

Various dirt marks cover the majority of his high cheek bones.

A thick, scraggly beard now lines his jaw, too, indicating that he hasn't had the chance to shave in quite some time.

"Leo," I whisper aloud.

The name sounds foreign on my lips.

Over the past few months, a multitude of emotions have surfaced regarding this man but never once were they discussed in Brayden's presence.

A faint film of tears coats the surface of Leo's light eyes.

Despite Brayden standing dangerously close to my side, Leo lunges forward and wraps his arms around my shoulders.

The impact stirs up his scent into the cold air.

Most of it is reminiscent of dirt and pungent laundry but underneath the layers of grime I can smell that it's still him.

His scent is still there.

I swallow hard as I process the myriad of emotions flooding through me.

Everything from anger to relief inundates my senses and I tentatively reach up to hug him in return.

Brayden stiffens beside me.

To my surprise, however, he doesn't push Leo away.

He simply stands beside me until I peel myself from Leo's embrace.

A few tears melt away the dirt on his face and drop down to the bottom of his chin.

Out of habit I glance around the three of us and lower my voice.

"Is there anyone else with you?"

The sudden realization sinks in that somehow, some way, Leo found Brayden and me in this desolate town in the north.

There's no way he could travel fast enough to keep up with us.

And even if he could, Brayden would have sensed him.

"I'm alone," Leo says with a ragged breath.

"I promise."

"Then why are you here?"

Leo takes a small step back and runs a hand down his worn face.

"Because I want to help you."

I slowly turn my gaze to Brayden whose expression is dripping with disdain.

He raises his brow slightly, his face silently asking if I can believe the nerve of this guy.

If I wasn't so rattled with nerves I might laugh.

Instead I take a step back and nod for him to explain further.

Leo adjusts the small backpack around his shoulders and sways slightly beneath his weight.

A sliver of guilt swells within me at the sight.

Months ago I might have offered him to sit in the tent so we could continue our discussion.

After being betrayed by Fiona, however, my level of trust has plummeted.

I promised myself I'd never become jaded.

But maybe I already am.

"I supported this war," Leo begins softly.

"Because I believed in my heart that humans deserved their freedom. I was so blinded by that belief that I didn't realize my view of vampires was becoming unjust. Just like humans, vampires aren't all evil."

His gaze flickers over to Brayden whose expression remains unchanging.

I can't say I blame him.

Before the war began, Leo was one of the extremists who viewed the entire vampire species as vile.

Unneeded.

Unwanted.

He even went so far as to extract poison in the hopes to destroy as many vampires as possible.

His message to those standing behind him became lost in the shuffle, though.

It stopped being about the freedom of humans and it morphed into the destruction of immortals.

Needless to say, Brayden isn't particularly fond of him.

To make matters worse, Leo and I were a pseudo-couple before the war began.

That's just icing on the cake of contempt.

"You said you wanted to help us," I say slowly.

"Now tell us how."

Leo's light eyes stare into mine.

There's so much sadness in them.

So much regret.

The last time I looked into his eyes this closely was the night I saved Fiona.

It's a moment that burned into my memory because in that moment I realized that somewhere inside of me I still wanted him.

How is it possible so much has changed since then?

"I've been wearing night goggles," Leo explains.

"And have been wearing a scent masker so Brayden couldn't detected me. But I've stayed close enough to follow the two of you. I have wanted to make my presence known sooner than.... well, now. But I didn't know how."

"You didn't answer the question," Brayden says evenly.

Leo scratches at his scraggly beard and nods, dropping his gaze to the frozen earth beneath his feet.

A puff of air pushes past his chapped lips.

It creates a halo of frozen air around his mouth.

"I left the camp shortly after Fiona returned," he explains slowly.

"She announced that you two were planning on finding the Secondaries. Now they're trying to find them, too."

My blood runs thin at the thought of Fiona and Mark finding the Secondary population before us.

What if they already have?

We'd be walking in to a trap.

"They'll just continue to destroy and brainwash," Leo continues.

"And I just. I couldn't make them see reason. So I left and promised myself I wouldn't stop until I found you."

Leo swallows hard and raises his gaze to meet mine again.

This time when our eyes collide, I'm taken back to a year ago when I walked into his classroom for the first time.

Kelly and Fiona flanked my sides as we traveled through the college auditorium.

It was our first day of history class and I was bored before it even began.

But then Professor Adams walked to the front of the classroom.

He was wearing a form-fitting blue suit with a silver tie that shimmered every time he moved.

He perused the classroom, glancing at all the new people trying to find their choice of seat.

Somewhere during his search his eyes fell on me.

I shamelessly held his gaze and in that moment he took my breath away.

Brayden hums under his breath.

"Or we could just kill you."

Leo almost seems to be expecting this response.

He swallows down whatever response is ready to fly from his lips.

I've never known him to be able to keep from speaking what's on his mind but this time he does.

Maybe it's because he knows his life is on the line.

Even though Brayden's suggestion is a bit extreme, it's not without warrant.

For months Leo was on the side of the enemy.

He was the enemy.

Sure, the two of us have a past but we both parted ways knowing where the other stood.

"He saved me once," I whisper under my breath.

"We should do the same for him."

Brayden grunts.

"He saved you as a means to an end, human. It was all a part of the plan to get the woman to spy on us."

Leo's head snaps up and a hint of pink nips at the tips of his ghostly pale cheeks.

"I had no idea about their plan," he argues and the passion I once remember in his voice shows itself for a brief moment.

"I saved Finn because I knew what Mark would do. What he will do if he gets his hands on him."

Brayden narrows his gaze at the rebuttal.

The three of us stand in silence but only two of us create small puffs of chilled air every time we breathe.

Eventually Brayden leans forward and closes the distance between him and Leo.

"This is your one and only chance," he warns and his voice drops to a menacing whisper.

"Prove yourself useful."

[kselavie]

🔔🎁 Merry Christmas @antspaul !!! 🎁🔔  

[holyghostbws]

Based on this request: Can you write something about the Reader breaking up with Brad for walking away from the reader without realizing it?

like, i want something where she breaks up with him and he gets really bad, doesn't cut his hair, doesn't shave his mustache, doesn't leave the house and drinks a lot

but in the end they come back and he gets better with her help, she cuts his hair and shaves and helps him shower and he looks at her sad but cute and says something like "I don't deserve you take care of me"

i drove you away ; bws ⛈

People say there’s different stages when going through a break up, Brad had successfully skipped the part of denial. He knew there was no getting back together, he knew he fucked up and hurt her beyond words, but in his mind it was the right thing to do. Why would he keep a relationship he knew was destined to failure? Brad couldn’t give y/n what she needed, he was too afraid it might end badly again, and the only one losing would be him. Again. He already knew how it would go: he would start falling for her, he would let himself be vulnerable, when he least expected, he would realize he was madly, deeply, in love with her. Big mistake, because not long after, she would leave. Just like everyone else had done before. But what could be the reason this time? Maybe she would get bored, maybe she decided she didn’t really love him, maybe she found someone new, someone better.

It turned out, she didn’t want to leave, he did. And now Brad couldn’t find himself anywhere else, not when all he wanted was her. He was an open wound and every time something reminded him of her, it was like putting salt, the flesh of his skin would feel like burning, his heart would fall into the void in a loop. Brad couldn’t see past his insecurities, he had been hurt a lot before and felt foolish because once again, there he was, giving love one more chance, hoping and praying this time would be different, a part of him telling him that she was not like the others, that y/n did cared for him, but there was no use.

He tried to cover the pain with alcohol, at least feeling numb distracted him from reminiscing. Everyone around him knew, it was hard not to. He stopped hanging out with friends, instead, he stayed at home all day in his pajamas, drinking and drowning in self-pity, not even bothering in showering or shaving; he stopped writing music too, not even sad melodies would come up, he didn’t have the strength to write or even think about anything else but her; he rejected calls from everyone —including his mother—, invitations to events and parties. He secluded himself in his own world and no one seemed to be able to get him out of it.

Everyone around him knew, they knew this break up was very different from the others —not that he’s had a lot of meaningful relationships, but still—, it was heart wrenching, it was consuming him and it broke his friends’ heart to see him like this.

One night, his closest friends decided to surprise him with a hang out. They had no intention on getting him out of the house —that had been proved and tried endless times with no result—, instead, they tried a different approach by just being with him, trying to get him to talk, “maybe it will make him feel better”, James said to the group and they agreed.

“You want some whiskey?” Brad offered to his friends, lifting up the almost empty bottle.

“You barely have any whiskey left to share, mate” Tristan tried to joke.

“Nah, I’m good. There’s more in the cupboard” Brad shrugged his shoulders while he poured himself a drink and drowned it in one sip. His friends looked at each other worried when he started pouring another one just seconds after the first.

“Maybe you should go easy on the drink…” James said, unsure of what to do. Brad scoffed but didn’t listen, and started to take out the other bottle, along with more alcohol.

“You sure you don’t want?” He asked his friends again.

“You got beer?” Connor asked, giving up, thinking that maybe if he drank with him, Brad would open up.

“Sure” Brad opened the fridge and handed him a bottle. Tristan and Alex also took a bottle.

“When was the last time you showered? You’re starting to smell” Alex said, again, trying to joke.

“Yeah dude, you also need a haircut” Tristan joined.

“And to shave. That mustache isn’t a cute look” Connor added. They were trying to lighten up the mood but they achieved the opposite.

“Fuck off, I’m fine” Brad bickered. He had a mirror, he knew he looked awful, he know he should start moving on, but he couldn’t.

“Leave him, everyone has a process” James intervened.

“Thank you” Brad answered, lifting his new found bottle of beer as a thank you and took a sip.

“But I don’t think part of the process should be mixing all kinds of alcohol, mate.” James said shyly.

“Pff, bullshit” Brad groaned, “I really am fine, stop worrying, you’re annoying as fuck.”

“It’s just that this is not you, we want our friend back.” Tristan said, putting a hand on Brad’s shoulder.

“I’m here, I’m here”, he said, although he knew it wasn’t true. He wasn’t there, he wasn’t anywhere. He wasn’t himself anymore.

Eventually, his friends left and he stood alone in his living room once again, flashbacks of happier times playing inside of his mind. Times when the room was filled with laughter, when love felt so real it was almost tangible. He could almost feel her again, her arms around him, her lips kissing his face, her voice telling him it would all be okay. He broke down and after a while fell asleep on the couch, remembering and dreaming of what he had lost.

⛈

There he was once again, standing outside the door he knew too well. He had seen that door a million times before, seen it in summer, in winter, night and day. He never cared about that goddamn door, but this time… this time he cared. That door was the only thing separating him from the love of his life. That door was an opportunity and a weapon at the same time, knocking on it could end him, breaking his heart for the last time, or it could save him, it could start glueing the pieces of his broken heart back together.

The past few months had been rough for him —to say the least—, he had a hard time adjusting to a life without her, in which he failed miserably, but he had to try one last time. He had to stop being a coward, stop being afraid of love. All this time he had been caged inside his fears, inside his own mind that he lost the one thing that he did right. Brad didn’t knew if y/n would care that he came back, he didn’t even knew what to say once they were face to face, he was full of regrets and the only thing he knew was that he missed her. He really was trying, he just hoped she knew. So he almost knocked. It was the best he could do. He really almost knocked, he tried real hard, he was just seconds away, his hand made a fist that almost touched the wooden door. Almost.

It shouldn’t be this hard to knock on someone’s door, but for Brad it was, because at the last moment, he knew he couldn’t bear with losing her again, so he stopped. He didn’t have it in him to look at her face again and not break down before she could even say something like “go away, I hate you.” He was saving himself the hurt. It was for the best.

What Brad didn’t know though, was that behind that door she was waiting for him. She was waiting for him to knock on her door, to tell her that he was sorry and that he loved her, just like all the times he had been at her door. That moment never came, she just stood there looking at her phone screen, watching him through the security camera and waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Waiting for nothing.

She was tired of it. It had been weeks of Brad coming to her house, just standing outside but never daring to knock on the door, she had watched him all those times. She knew Brad all too well, she knew he must be thinking that she hated him, so after a while, she figured it was her turn to knock on his door now. It took her about a week to pick up the courage and drive to his place but when she did, she knew there was no going back.

Brad couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw her standing there, at his door. He thought maybe it was an hallucination from all the alcohol he had been drinking, it was his mind playing him dirty. He even sobered up a little bit because of the shock of having y/n in front of him again after months and months of craving it.

“Y/n?” It sounded more like a question than a sentence, the words hardly coming out of his mouth, barely above a whisper.

“Hi” She spoke softly, almost whispering too.

“What are you doing here?”

I miss you, she wanted to say, but all that came out was: “Just wanted to know how you doing.”

“I’m doing fine, thank you” He replied politely, “How about you?”

“I’m doing good.” She peaked behind his shoulder, just to find his apartment completely trashed and looked at him with pity. When he realized, the tried to cover the view his body, but it was too late, now she knew too that he was a mess. “Can I come in?” This wasn’t part of her plan —she didn’t have one—, she was just following her heart at this point. And her heart wanted him.

He didn’t answered, instead he just moved out of the way, trying hard not to grab her and beg for forgiveness, because begging for another chance was the only thing he could think about.

“How you doing?” She asked again, this time looking at him straight in the eye, realizing that the brightness that once distinguished Brad’s eyes was no longer there, in its place, there was sadness and regret. Dark circles decorating his puppy eyes.

“I-I…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence, he was already sobbing and crying. His worst case scenario was happening, him breaking down in front of her with no apparent reason. He hated crying, he hated feeling vulnerable, but that’s what happens when you keep bottling up your emotions for three months straight, drinking them up.

Y/n didn’t move at first, she was taken back by the sudden reaction, but it didn’t take long until she was on her knees beside Brad, hugging him, caressing his hair and face, doing nothing but holding him. It didn’t make Brad feel better, actually, he felt worse. She didn’t have to do what she was doing, but still, there she was.

“I’m so sorry” Brad sobbed over and over. She knew he meant it more than anything.

“Shh, don’t be” Y/n whispered, not letting go of him, running her fingers through his curls, hoping it would help calm him down. “Want me to run you a bath? Maybe it helps you calm down a little bit, plus it seems like you need one” She offered, smiling a little.

Brad stayed quiet but nodded after a few seconds, suddenly feeling self-conscious because he and his flat looked like shit. There were bottles of alcohol scattered around the floor along with other trash, the floor was dirty, the sofa and table weren’t even in their place. He was equally as trashed, he hadn’t shave or cut his hair in three months, so there was a lot of extra hair in him, his eyes looked small because of the dark circles, his face was pale and he was thinner.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” She smiled and caressed his cheek once more before leaving, Brad couldn’t help but close his eyes for a second.

Y/n knew her way through Brad’s apartment, after all, she had spent countless days and nights there. She turned on the bath, making sure the water’s temperature was just right before going back to the living room and founding Brad exactly where she left him.

“Come, it’s ready.” She offered him her hand and guided him, not dropping his hand. In the bathroom, she helped him undress, taking sight in how his ribs were showing because of the weight loss and then making him enter the bath tub. She didn’t ask, she just started putting shampoo on her hand and washing his hair, taking her time to massage his head, playing with the few curls left. When she was done, she opened the cabinet and took out everything she needed to help him shave. “You won’t need the mustache, believe me” She told him but he didn’t answered, he just stared at her with adoration and something she couldn’t quite decipher. She took her time to help him shave too, carefully putting on the shaving cream and leaving it there for a moment before cleaning it with a razor and a towel. Both of them were enjoying the moment, they didn’t need to talk, their presence was enough and the looks they exchanged every now and then told everything. They missed each other.

“I don’t deserve you take care of me. Why are you doing this?” Brad finally talked, his eyes almost tearing up, looking at her with remorse. She looked away and sighed.

“I’m going to let you finish and get dressed, when you’re done I’ll be waiting in the living room and then we can talk, okay?” Her eyes looked for his briefly before she stood up.

“Yes.”

While Brad finished, she managed to cook something for him with the few things he had left in the fridge and started to clean up a little bit.

Brad was feeling more at peace just by hearing the faint sound of her making movement in his living room. He felt ridiculous for breaking down in front of her but reminded himself that if he wanted to be worthy of her love he needed to stop being so guarded, real love is about letting yourself be vulnerable with your partner. He finally understood what he needed to do, he was finally willing to put everything at risk for her, it didn’t mattered anymore if he got hurt, he would give anything, or everything just to spend one more night by her side. So he took a deep breath and started walking towards the living room.

“Hey, are you feeling better?” She asked kindly, “I made you a little something to eat and some tea.”

His heart melted.

“Thank you. I can’t remember when was the last time I had a decent meal.” He answered sincerely. Y/n smiled sweetly at him, she could tell he was already feeling better and was in a lighter mood. “You didn’t have to clean up this place, you know? It’s my mess, I’ll fix it.”

“Oh I know, I just got tired of waiting for you to do it.” Y/n replied. She wasn’t talking about the salon, she was talking about their relationship.

“I’m sorry.” Brad said, his gaze falling to his lap.

“I know you are. I watched you stand outside my door for 20 minutes every three days for three weeks straight.”

He blushed at the sudden revelation, feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

“You saw me?” He asked.

“Yep.”

“Every day?”

“Yep.”

“And still you never opened the door? Never mind, it would’ve been worse, I didn’t know what to say then, I don’t know what to say now.”

“I was waiting for you to knock.” She simply answered and with just one look Brad knew she wasn’t only waiting for a knock on her door.

“I know I owe you more than an apology.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“Yes, I do.” He took a sip of his tea.

“No, you started to walk away from me, I figured you didn’t want me anymore, you didn’t give an explanation then, so I left. You don’t need to explain it now, it doesn’t matter anymore.” He could hear his heart break when she said that, it doesn’t matter anymore was what he feared the most. He was too late.

“It matters to me” he whispered, “you’re the one thing that matters the most to me, always have been.”

“It didn’t seem like it.”

“I know…” He couldn’t look her in the eye, “I know I was wrong, I know I fucked up and hurt you. You didn’t deserve any of that, I was afraid of falling again and it turning bad for me. I love you way too much, I knew it would break me for good if you left.”

“So you left first.” She said, finally understanding what had happened when they broke up.

“Yeah, I know I drove you away and trust me, there’s not a single day I don’t regret that choice. If I could do it all over, I would chose you breaking my heart every single day for the rest of my life if it meant I could have you.”

“Don’t say things you don’t mean.” She sobbed.

“I do mean it. I don’t want anyone else, ever. I want to wake up and find you by my side, I want you to be the person I come home to, I want to be vulnerable with you, I want to share all my insecurities, all of me with you. There’s nothing I want more than that, and I would give it all up for you.” He said, his eyes searching for hers, his body moving closer to hers, his hands holding hers.

She shaked her head. She didn’t trust him.

“It’s so easy to say it.” Y/n replied.

“Yeah, let me show you” Brad pleaded, “I won’t let you down. Not again. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy.”

By this moment, both of them were in tears. Y/n didn’t dare to look at him yet, because she knew once she saw his eyes sparkling with hope and adoration, she was done.

“I love you.” He whispered and took her inside his arms. Just by hugging her he felt as if the pieces were coming back together, as if she had never left. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

She raised her eyes and found a pair of deep brown eyes already staring, brighter than the Milky Way, so she slowly leaned over, brushing her lips with his and then crashing them together.

[snealeth]

For as much as Total Drama All-Stars is hated, and I'll admit a lot of it is for good reason, there's something I don't see anybody talk about. Like, ever. Mostly because it doesn't really fix any of the problems most people have, but I still believe it should be appreciated, because I think All-Stars has a certain something to it that I believe it does better then the entire rest of the series. And that something?

Shot composition. Because, seriously, the animation of All-Stars is really impressive, but in a way where I don't believe it's the animation itself that got an upgrade. It seems roughly the same as it was in previous seasons, even possibly a little rougher then usual. No, I credit the collective storyboarders, because the best part about All-Stars' visuals is that every single scene is composed in a really solid way that often make for interesting shots and help pretty heavily in showing whatever is needed to show the story.

My favorite example of the sheer amount of effort that goes to the shot-by-shot editing of All-Stars is Lightning's boney island scene in Evil Dread. The scene begins with a bolt of lightning in the sky, and then pans down to Lightning glaring downwards. Then cut to Lightning on a rock in the lake with a stick in his hand.

This shot specifically is pretty solid. It's very wide with a lot of empty space, and that, along with the previous tight shot of Lightning, allows the audience to focus on what's important- Lightning himself. Additionally, while Lightning's pose isn't immediately clear as to what he's doing, it is a very strong pose visually and it's obvious that whatever he's doing he's about to use a lot of force with that stick. It's almost reminiscent of some sort of canine, which fits well with Lightning's character, to the point that you'd be able to tell who Lightning is just by the pose. And the problem of it not being super clear is rectified by the fact that the shot doesn't hold for very long, and the next shot- a fish swimming into the foreground- adds in the necessary context and makes it obvious that Lightning is fishing. In a way, what I gather to be, an unorthodox way- hitting fish with a stick and hope they land on the beach. That fits Lightning's incompetency, his ego that he'll end up doing it, and, later on, his athleticism, as he proves that he can actually do it. Quick cut to the fish jumping out of the water, Lightning hitting the fish, and another cut to a dragged out shot of the fish being thrown into the air and falling to the beach. The shot is dragged out to really sell the impact of the stick, and that sells how strong Lightning actually is. Lightning brags about it, but he is caught off guard by the goose. And we are also caught off guard by the goose, because instead of cutting to another shot, the bird flies right into the current shot.

It's a neat technique to surprise the audience, since they would not expect the shot to be interrupted by the bird. But since it is, it's a neat way of allowing the audience to feel more invested in the story. And I don't think many scenes before this season really focused this much on the whole visual part of the medium. It looked pretty, and some shots were nice, but there wasn't as much thought and attention put into every shot like this. And there's a lot more examples I can bring up. The slow dragging out of the first scene with Camcody in Saving Private Leechball as the audience stews in the uncomfortableness of Sierra just looking at Cameron. The angle of Gwen walking away from the bridge showing how long of a walk it is in Moon Madness. This shot from You Regatta Be Kidding Me.

I just think there's a lot of really good scenes visually in All-Stars, and the fact that nobody talks about it, because Total Drama has not really been known for it's amazing animation, is kind of sad. There should be more discussion about it, because there's a lot of potential in analyzing all of these scenes and how they work in their attempt to emotionally affect the viewer.

[yostresswritinggirl]

It's so frustrating (as a writer) how Albedo's whole character is just- full of opportunities and writing ideas?! It's like part fan-service and part freaking fanfiction prompts hnghng. Let me demonstrate—

Love Potion #9

Inspired from Albedo's Story IV and V:

"Your final assignment: show me the truth and the meaning of this world."

"I hope I'm not overthinking things. When parents tell their children of 'the meaning of this world...' They must mean living a happy life, right?"

[Albedo in his pursuit of answers to finish the last task left by his master seeks out You, the most efficient and trusted member of the Investigation Team, in helping him understand the meaning of Life and Happiness among those of Soil.]

As a master in identifying patterns and logic, he only finds it suitable to ask for your mind and companionship in this strange chapter of his 'research.'

"When you speak of being in love, what symptoms does a person feel during that emotion?" Those teal eyes stare with a burning curiosity, as your nervous glimmering ones force itself away —

"Like, heart palpitations, stomach pain, shortness of breath, and uhm light-headedness and dizziness. To name a few."

"That sounds like symptoms of a disease... or even loathing-"

"No!"

Impressions on the Snow

Excerpts from Albedo's Story III, IV, V and Voiceline:

When It Snows... Master...

"His master was not his birth mother, but Albedo has no doubt that his life stems from her nonetheless."

"Albedo has no memory of any blood relations. From birth, he was already adventuring deep within domains with his master."

"Albedo once led a simple and contented existence. It was a life free of considerations, but dull in its monotony. His purpose centered on accompanying his teacher, executing her orders, and meeting her expectations."

Many question the Chief Alchemist's lifestyle and routine of spending days away from public eye and human interaction. But lately it has become more worrisome when Albedo suddenly felt a calling in Dragonspine where he spends days alone in the freezing blizzard. How can such a man find solace in this icy wasteland with the ever looming fear of a frozen death?

You'd think he'd spend every second of his time there dedicated to another one of his research, but contrary to that, the Kreideprinz often finds himself dazed and silent, unmoving and reminiscing.

In snowflakes and shivers, he finds solace to a life abandoned and forgotten.

"I may be called Kreideprinz, but my knowledge and title came from another far better than mine. A true genuis. Traveller, do you wish to hear the tale of my master, (Y/N) Rhinedottir?"

Citrinitas - Before the End

Albedo's appearance within the city of freedom was that of a bursting bubble, sudden and quick, fleeting. And he knows when his duties and research are over, like a bubble, he too shall make his leave.

He established alchemy and named it after Mondstadt, so it is only fair and wise of him to make sure that the arts will not fall and disappear with him. And thus he looks upon his most trusted assistants and students, with the glaring absence of Timaeus.

"The Trials of the next Chief Alchemist shall commence between you two, Sucrose and (Y/N). For upon my inevitable retirement in the future, one of you shall precede me and carry on as the new master."

In other words: A series about the trials of being the next master alchemist; a soft rivalry between the two simps (Sucrose and You) w/o Timaeus because he doesn't have what it takes. Sad.

Hints of a love triangle, angst, friendly rivalry, alchemical bullshit and spoilers. We don't hurt Sucrose here, Sucrose is good girl.

I'm gonna cry, I wrote and formatted and made all these dividers instead of working on my character and my school requirements huhu, not a good premonition for the new year.

Anyways this feels like a self-indulgent post and there are no promises if I'd even finish them all. I do need help on what to start on first.

tl;dr Albedo precious, precious boyo. And we simp for him. Maybe too much.

[laurensxox]

Fandom :: The Arcana

Pairing :: Julian Devorak x Reader (Not Apprentice)

Requested? :: no

Warning/s :: Julian's Route (Upright) and New Tale Spoilers, Named Apprentice, Female Reader, Chronic Illness, Swearing, Author is projecting their longing

Genre :: Angst

Summary :: Julian spends the night reminiscing over childhood memories and longing to go back to the past where he was in Nevivon again, playing as carefree as one can be with the one person he truly cared about other than his younger sister

Author's Note :: Stark, if you're reading this, I'm fighting you for this dramatic, self-sacrificing dumbdumb-

Song Inspiration :: Talking to the Moon by Bruno Mars

Portia's Cottage :: Just After Sundown

A chuckle left the auburn haired man as he watches Pasha relay stories of their childhood to their friends, informing them of how they were raised by a group of grandmothers and how their parents actually perished from a shipwreck caused by a rather strong storm. Mazelinka quickly add in how much of a troublemaker the two of them has become as the years pass by, didn't even waste the chance to tell them about the tooth fairy situation which caused Julian to go beet red in mild embarassment. Their friends were in no need to know that story!

Shaking his head, he let a more genuine smile form on his face. As embarrassed as he is right now, he was happy to see everyone laughing jovially without the fear of Lucio's plans with the Devil weighing on their shoulders. A warm sensation forms in his chest as he tries to hold in his laughter as Pasha nearly slips on her feet with her excitement to share their history. It was nice to be able to just laugh and and thrive in the positive energy inside the cottage! Even Muriel, their very introverted friend, seems to be relaxed as he lets Allen (Apprentice) braid his hair using flower stems while Asra leans on his side.

Looking at the trio and sensing the strong forming bond between Pasha and the Countess, Julian couldn't help the small pang of longing swell somewhere within himself. He couldn't stop his mind from pushing forward memories he tried to bury and lock away.

"Ilya, help! I'm slipping!"

"Don't worry, I'll catch you!"

The longing pang quickly turned to pain as the memories rushes back to the surface. He could feel his hand start to tremble as the formerly locked away memories barrels it's way to the front of his mind. Jumbled memories of playing tag and tending to scraped knees should have made him feel fond but it makes feel nothing but longing. Longing for a time and companionship he knows he'll never be able to have again.

Taking a deep breath, he hadn't noticed that he had closed his eyes until he opened them. With him being occupied with trying to stir himself away from the path of self-loathing once again, he hadn't noticed how quiet the cottage had gotten, its other residents looking at him with concerned eyes. Not even the Familiars scattered in the room made a noise.

He forced a laugh to ease the sudden change of atmosphere in the cottage, hoping it sounded convincing enough to clear the concern away from his family and friends' eyes. While he has come to terms that it's okay to ask and receive help instead of keeping things to himself, he still struggles with it. And it was obvious with the way he tries to act like he was okay, that he wasn't just bombarded with memories he doesn't want to remember.

"What is with that look, my dear friends? I am perfectly well, no worries!" he exclaimed, giving them his usual smirk and raised eyebrow, internally hoping it'll be enough to convince them that there was nothing to be concerned about. "There is nothing in this world that this handsome and smart devil can't handle!" His little comment about himself seems to be the right thing to say as his friends immediately rolled their eyes in fond exasperation. Although, by the look of his sister and honorary grandmother, he guessed that they have seen right through him and he can already see his funeral-

He gave a small sigh and let a small weary look replace his earlier expression, "I'll just head outside to take in a quick breath of fresh air," he said as he quickly exited the cottage before his two family member could say anything. Knowing that they'll probably just follow right after him, he quickly made his way away from the cottage and into the hedge maze by the palace gardens. It took him a while to get to the center but he was relieved to see it empty. Consul Valerius has taken to drinking his usual wine there in this time so he was quite happy to see that for once, the Consul broke his routine. He needed to be alone right now.

Taking a seat in one of the chairs surrounding a rounded table, he crossed his arms on the table and used it to rest his head upon. Taking another deep breath to calm his racing heart, he closed his eyes.

Maybe he needs to stop locking away these memories, he has only done so before due to his need to focus on finding the cure for the plague and then having to focus to not get caught by the patrolling palace guards when he was still a wanted convict. The memories and the longing for his childhood best friend used to be a big distraction for him while he was still working under Valdemar.

He didn't need to do any of those anymore... So maybe...

The soft rapid footsteps echoed in the small forest near the town of Nevivon, followed by the childish giggling of two children. Both children wore a tattered white sheet of cloth, the corners wrapped around their necks in a way that resembles that of a cape. Whilst in their heads rests crudely made paper crowns.

Young Julian and his best friend, (Y/N), were already considered too old for these kind of games by some of the grandmas and fellow children but the two gave them no mind, choosing to continue living in their fantasy world until they were truly too old for it.

The two children stopped once they have reached the center of the forest where a small meadow hides in. It was decorated by dozens of wild flowers and the breeze were always refreshing. The two has deemed this as their spot when they had first found it years ago, back when they were much younger.

They call the meadow as their kingdom, where they are the rulers, side by side as King and Queen. The wild flowers are their loyal subjects and sometimes, when Pasha joins them, she acts as their ambassador.

Young Julian kneeled as they reach the very center that they always keep clean, it was their designated throne room. The young boy carefully plucked a blue hued flower from the ground, he didn't know what kind of flower it was but it was pretty, a perfect gift for his 'Queen'

As if mocking the reminiscing man, right across from him and innocently clinging to the hedge wall was the very same flower that he had picked back then. He didn't know if he wants to sneer at it or be fond of it. He wished he has a glass of Salty Bitters right now, maybe he should have headed to Rowdy Raven instead of here.

"Would you have approved of the man that I have become, (Y/N)?" he whispered as he stares at the flower, as if it would miraculously turn into his childhood friend and answer him. Maybe that was possible? Allen did transform him into Asra back then, would the illusion work on a plant as well? But then again, that will be all it'll ever be. Just an illusion.

The grandmas all exchanged fond gazes as they watch their resident troublemakers sing songs with all their heart, their love for the dramatic was very much obvious at that moment.

Little Portia was banging on pots like drums by the sidelines, sometimes singing some lines as well when prompted by either her older brother or the girl she was starting to see as her older sister.

He stood up from his place and started to make his way out of maze. He wasn't going to go back in the cottage nor was he in any hurry, he just felt too restless to stay sitted in one place. He has gotten used to always moving around with all his running from guards and fighting a Major Arcana. But before he went back to trying to find his way in the maze, he stopped in front of the flower that he has been staring at.

It was a small flower with 6 petals that looks blue and violet at the same time, the bud in the middle was light green in color and it was the only flower growing in the hedge. From what Julian remembers, these flowers grow in bundles. So to see one so alone, well, it didn't help the growing hole inside him.

Gently plucking the flower like he did so in his childhood, he observed the flower a little more before making his way back into maze, taking the small flower with him. Surely, the Countess would not mind him plucking such a small wild flower, now would she?

Julian looked up from his book as he felt something soft being places om his hair, looking up, he saw (Y/N) placing what looks to be a bunch of flowers weaved together in a circlet manner on top of his head. Something similar on her own head as well.

"What are you doing, peanut?" he asked the girl, gently closing his book and waiting for the other to finish adjusting the flowers. He had taken to calling her 'Peanut' after he had caught her trying to sneakily take the peanuts in the communal pantry. He didn't snitch to the grandmas, of course.

"Just adjusting your flower crown, bum-bum" she answered, making small more adjustments before appearing satisfied that the flower crown both looks good and will surely stay on her friend's head when they begin to trek their way home later.

The Doctor surprisingly got out pretty easy, definitely faster than when he was first trying to get to the heart of the maze. Looking down at the flower, he let a sad smile adorn his face.

"I suppose even after all these years, you're still my lucky charm, huh, (Y/N)?" he mumbled under his breath, giving the one of the petals a small kiss before continuing to walk.

He didn't really have a destination, the palace grounds was vast and there are still some areas of it that he hasn't been to. Maybe a little exploring wouldn't hurt? He hopes Pasha wouldn't get too worried if he takes too long to get back to her cottage, he does often find himself in troubling situations.

"You know what? I wouldn't even ask how you manage to be in this situation." (Y/N) said, crossing her arms as she narrows her eyes at the boy dangling before her.

Julian had, at that moment, managed to get himself tangled in the vines surrounding the branches of the tree. Truth be told, he was trying to climb the tree in order to get fresh fruits for his sister and best friend. But when he finally managed to get on a branch, a crow suddenly flew out of its nest and caused him to go off balance, fortunately being caught by the vines, no matter how tangled up he got.

He wouldn't tell her that though, lord knows she wouldn't let him live it down.

"Why, my dear peanut, I was just trying to see how strong these vines are and if they would make a good rope!" It was honestly a good excuse for him, but apprently not good enough for (Y/N) as she just raised her eyebrow at him, clearly not believing him.

After a good bit of exploring, he manages to find himself near the fountains where he saw the trio couple making their way back to the palace. Were they on their way home already? How long has he been outside? Shaking his head, he called for their attention and made his way to them.

"Going home already?" he asked, raising a brow as he observes the many colorful flowers adoring Muriel's hair. It was quite a new look on the tall man but it surprisingly suits him. Seeing his friend give him a narrowed look, he moved his gaze to the two magicians.

"Yeah, I'm feeling quite a bit tired already and Asra wanted to do a quick inventory of the stocks we have left in the shop" Allen explained, moving to lightly keep their wild green hair out of their sight. It was getting a little long, they might need a cut soon. "Though, we don't plan to stay there for the whole night, just a quick inventory and dinner then straight to Muri's where we'll sleep for tonight" the apprentice added, giving the taller doctor a smile.

"I see, I see! Well, don't let me hold you back for any longer, have a safe walk home!" he exclaimed, moving to walk further before he was stopped by a gentle grip on his wrist. Turning back, he saw that it was Allen who held him back. He could see the concern swirling in their green eyes but the smile never faltered away from their face. "Yes, dear?" he asked.

"You know you can talk to us if there's something bothering you, right? You don't have to if you're not comfortable but just remember that we're here, okay?" Moved by their words, Julian pulled them into a sideway hug and let out a genuine laugh. He was so lucky to have his friends. Sometimes he still thinks he doesn't deserve them but he knew to keep it to himself for now. He didn't fancy sitting through another lecture session about his self worth by his sister again.

"Aw, Allen, don't you worry about lil 'ol me! I'm quite alright now!" That was a lie, he was far from alright, but his friend doesn't need to know that. "I may talk to Pasha and Mazelinka about it so no need to worry that cute little head of yours" That seemed to settle the Apprentice as they pulled away from the hug and gave his arm one last pat before moving to stand between their partners.

"You should do that now before Portia wears a hole in her carpet with how much she's pacing when we left" Asra said before he and the other two gave the auburn haired man one last wave and left.

Deciding to do as his magician friend said, he started his way back to his sister's cottage. Earlier was such a good day, it wouldn't do to plague his sister with worries and sour up the light mood. He already did that earlier before he walked out, best not make it worse.

Looking up at the dark sky, he smiled as he admires the scattered stars. It was a beautiful night, the full moon was giving the world such a soft look and it made things seem so peaceful. It made him feel like he was back to laying in the meadow near Nevivon. Like he was laying next to... Next to...

He wasn't able to wipe away his tears before they begun to fall down his cheeks. A sob fought its way out of his throat as he falls to a crouch.

Fuck, he wants to go back. He really really wants to go back-

Julian observed the wide sky and the many stars on them, it was a beautiful night and the night breeze was cold and as he lays on the equally cool grass of the meadow, it soothes his heated skin. It made him sigh in contentment, what more could he want?

Looking at his left, he smiled as he sees his sleeping sister. The little girl had decided to join them that night in their nightly star gazing but it didn't take long before she fell asleep, not used to staying up later than her bedtime. He'll have to carry her home later on.

The sight on his right took his breath away. Blush rushed to his face as he seems to see his best friend in a completely different light.

There, laying beside him, was (Y/N). The moonlight was softly hitting her face, and it made her (eye color) so much more brighter like gems, like the stars that littered the dark sky above them. Her laugh as she continues to talk about the astrology that she learned from Mazelinka, sounds like soothing bells to his ears.

Since when has his peanut became this... pretty?

He longs to be in her arms again, he longs to hear her voice again. No doubt it would still sound like music to his ears. He wants to make flower crowns again, he wants to play king and queen again, he wants to stargaze with her again, he wants to sneakily steal cookies, hangout by the hot springs, pick flowers for the grandmas, share lessons with Lilinka, he wants to...

He really wants to see her again.

Julian sat on her bed by her side, his hand gently holding her weaker and much fragile one, her illness eating away her strength. Her ring finger still holds the flower ring he had made earlier that week, it was already wilting but the girl refuses to take it off.

"I made up my mind." he said, breaking the solemn silence in the room. It made the other look at him curiously, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I'll take the offer to study medicine in Prakra" he explained, finally looking at his best friend and secretly, the girl who has his heart in her gentle grip for he doesn't think his bestfriend could ever be harsh, other than when she's twisting his ear for getting in trouble without her

But he can't, he knew he can't. She probably hates him, gotten word of his 'crimes' and no longer sees him as her best friend. But as a murderer, a plague doctor who assisted his superior on experimenting to dying plague victims in search of the cure.

She probably already has a family of her own now, has 3 children like she once said she wanted. Probably has a nice spouse that always makes her laugh and will never hurt her. A spouse that doesn't have their sins still haunting them in every step and breath they take.

"You're leaving me?" the pain in her voice was clear, she was hurt at the thought. They had planned to wait for her to be cured before they decide to go out of their hometown to travel, to study medicine like they always dreamed of.

"Not for long, I know we planned to study together but..." He took a deep breath, "I'm doing this for you, (Y/N), I want to study now for you"

Silence filled the room once again.

Julian clutched up at his coat, the place right over his heart where it hurts the most. He had completely fallen to his knees, tears continues to drip down to the ground from his eyes, his other hand gripping the ground.

Whispered apologies leaving his mouth over and over again.

"Promise me you'll come back? That you won't forget about me?"

Julian stared at his love's dull but hopeful (eye color) orbs, hisbhand momentarily leaving hers to gently caress her cheek.

"I'm so sorry... (Y/N), I'm so sorry..."

"I promise"

"I broke our promise... I'm so sorry, my love..."

[...]

Meanwhile, in the same meadow of Julian's memories, sits a much grown up version of the girl in his memories. Body trembling as sobs come right after one another, clutching a bundle of those same blue wildflowers to her chest. Her eyes tightly shut as tears falls to the ground of her childhood. The girl looked up, staring at the same moon that Julian was previously admiring.

"Where are you, Ilya? I thought you'll come back... You promised... You promised..."

Anyone interested in a reunion sequel? 👀

My apologies if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, I just woke up when I finished this lol

Anyways, I hope you all liked this! Let me know what you think, don't be shy! 💙

[vermillioncrown]

what's your favorite soup to make?

i have a top 5 soups to make (which doesn't form a perfect circle in the venn diagram w top 5 soups to ingest), if made to choose absolute favorite it would make the other soups cry and i don't want that

- western chicken soup

necessary: carrots, onions, celery, chicken thighs, salt, pepper, water, oil

fun: dill, parsley, lemongrass, ginger, a carb

starting off with a very simple, cost-efficient boy. mirepoix base (onion, celery, carrots), brown them in oil + salt + black pepper, then throw in bone-in chicken thighs w skin, cover w water, let simmer.

easy to jazz up if you want to get extravagant: give the chicken a bit of browning on the skin and underside first before putting in the mirepoix mix, add dill + fresh parsley + lemongrass + ginger, eat w noodles or rice, get less sad

backstory: from my undergrad crush's roommate, who taught me this for tutoring him in intro to programming (as in i was simping for this guy enough for him to outsource me to tutor his friends). great cook/bartender, horrible coder, hope he found a better major

- bastardized provençal garlic soup

necessary: garlic, sage, olive oil, butter, salt, pepper, water, egg

fun: potatoes, bread

this one has more steps. grab a big tub of pre-peeled garlic from the asian supermarket (or peel it all yourself, you masochist), and some fresh sage.

chop up a shitton of garlic, heat butter/flavorful oil, cook garlic in it, after a few minutes (make sure you have enough oil that you're not crisping the garlic instead) toss sage in. let the sage bring its flavor, then add water. the garlic + sage makes a very umami base that's reminiscent of a nice chicken broth.

because i'm an enemy of the french (according to all my int'l friends), i add diced potatoes so there's substance. be generous w the salt and pepper, potato absorbs a lot of flavor. as things finish boiling, either crush the garlic into paste and mix into the soup or leave it, fish out the sage so you don't eat bitter leaves

finish by serving w raw egg + beaten w olive oil + tempered w soup (it should be a nice, milky soup, not eggdrop), eat w bread.

backstory: "aigo bouido" was mentioned in pkmn x/y, in hotel richissime of lumiose city. a google search later while starving in my apartment, decided "why not"

(speaking of pkmn, i was done from day 1 w xy. paid no attention, got through it against my will (only bc i loved my chespin and wanted an aegislash), and when the big bad said "i will destroy kalos" i wanted to help)

(prissy uni student gary oak was almost enough to make up for my suffering)

- cantonese borscht

expensive bc of the oxtail (you can just use a big cut of roast w/o bone, but holy fuck you are missing out if you don't use oxtail itself)

http://yireservation.com/recipes/cantonese-hong-kong-style-borscht/ <- can't go wrong w this recipe, love things that are just "throw everything into pot and cook"

backstory: i was meh about this in childhood bc i preferred soup bones w lots of marrow. it's a very cha chaan teng (hk-style cafe) flavor, and when i moved across the country w no access to that style of eatery and home, it is the simplest way to capture it

- slavic borscht

https://www.eatingwell.com/recipe/252414/borscht-with-beef/

my added suggestions are: - use canned beets. it will save you time and frustration, and use the beetwater in the can to make your broth - buy the jar 'better than boullion' beef paste + the beetwater to make the broth (also, it's easier to keep and use than canned/carton broth) - let it cool a bit and add salt to taste. salt (judicious use of it) will bring out the other flavors - can eat cold, puree the soup without mushrooms and beef first and add them back in (or without the meat and shrooms)

backstory: the intersection of me playing the ace attorney series obsessively + having a hungarian roommate in undergrad made me mad curious about this pink soup, and she was down to teach me. great for your digestive health. like... really great

- bittermelon pork bone soup

necessary: pork spare ribs, dried or frozen mussels/oysters, dried soybeans, bittermelon, chicken broth, ginger, salt, water

if you hate the fishy stink of mussels and oysters, you can prob substitute w dried shiitake. or if you are a fancy rich bitch, try dried scallop (but at that point why are you doing that? use it to make fried rice!)

rinse the dried soybeans and then soak them for at least an hr.

if the mussels/oysters are dried, also rinse and soak.

chop up pork ribs into smaller chunks. salt it generously, mash around, let sit for 10-20 mins in a pot. boil water at the same time, then pour it over the ribs when it's done salting. turn on the heat and keep it at a boil for about 1-3 mins.

remove from heat, drain the pork into a sieve, use cold water to wash the meat and bones. you want the extra gunk and myoglobin out (it's not blood), use your hands and get in there. let rest.

prep your bittermelon by chopping in half like a loaf of sandwich baguette. use a spoon or knife to dig out the spongy white part, all the way down to the green rind. then chop into smaller sections.

chop a thumb-size knob of ginger, you don't need to remove the skin. slice the knob into actual slices.

start boiling the broth, put the meat and ginger in. reduce to simmer, add the soaked soybeans and sea meat, and then the bittermelon. once it's all cooked through, salt to taste, eat w rice

backstory: it's the chinese kid way to fucking hate bittermelon. and then at some time between the age of 21-30 an internal switch flips and it becomes acceptable. idk i got used to bitter stuff (black coffee, dandelion greens, chicories) so it's actually a refreshing flavor now

[innranrae]

🌈 Under the Colorful Sky

A/N: a rewrite of yoimiya's story quest ending and the ending sakujirou and keisuke deserved (ノ_<。) i got so emotionally involved with these two, the ending was so heartbreaking i just wanted to see them together (sob)

￫ pairing(s): Sakujirou/Keisuke

￫ word count: 1.2k

￫ cw: pining! regret! tears!

￫ ao3

🎆

Having beaten the officers from the Tenryou Commission that blocked the way to Keisuke and Sakujirou, the traveler, Paimon, and Yoimyia ran towards the men before it was too late.

"But your return says that you finally came around to my point of view, doesn't it?"

An unknown voice sounded, but it could only belong to the Imatani couple's son, Keisuke.

With the little hope Yoimiya had left, she decided to hide behind a rock that blocked them from view. Aether and Paimon followed her judgment and peaked their heads to look at them.

Half of Sakujirou's body laid on the sandy shore, one hand supporting his weight and the other holding his chest, visibly injured from dueling his old friend.

"Whatever you say," Sakujirou said defeated, staring at the ground.

"You will return with me to the Tenryou Commission to await your sentencing," Keisuke sounded confident.

However, his actions betrayed his words. He only stood there for some time with his arms crossed instead of apprehending the man. Aether sensed that something wasn’t right.

He stopped Yoimiya from barging into the scene, and raised a finger to his lips, urging her to stay quiet.

Reminiscing of the times he had lived with his childhood friend, Keisuke's memories overwhelmed him. He wanted to say what was on his mind but something kept him from doing so, and he didn’t know what exactly to say either.

His body moved on its own, crouching awkwardly before Sakujirou, who looked at him in surprise.

Keisuke kept his eyes low, afraid of making eye contact. But he finally let out the simple words that he had already failed to say once,

“I don’t want you to leave.”

Yet, he wanted to say another phrase. A phrase he had never considered telling anyone in his life before and even after meeting Sakujirou.

He wanted to declare “I love you”.

Keisuke doubted the depth of his feelings for his friend for a very long time. He didn’t want to acknowledge them, but seeing him in that state, defeated and hopeless, stripped of his freedom, he finally gave in to those neglected emotions.

He couldn’t watch the man he loved suffer.

But couldn’t watch him slip through his fingers either, not again.

The thought of feeling the same anguish and regret of those earlier days terrified Keisuke.

Helping Sakujirou into a sitting position, Keisuke couldn’t hold in his tears anymore. Chewing on the words, his lips opened and closed many times.

"Keisuke..." Sakujirou was taken aback, conflicted if he should start speaking despite his reluctance.

He cupped Keisuke's face, wiping the few escaping tears, "My return to Inazuma doesn't mean that I changed my beliefs. Seeing the vast lands and experiencing the diverse cultures the world had to offer was an experience I'll forever cherish, and I do not regret it. I came back because... I felt empty without you. At that time when we had that argument, I ran away instead of confronting my real feelings for you and I'm still afraid of your response."

Keisuke finally raised his eyes to meet Sakujirou's. He wasn't the only one crying.

A wild thought popped into Keisuke's head, maybe what he meant was exactly what he thought he meant. Maybe Sakujirou was saying he loved him as well, but that was too good to be true, right?

"What I am trying to say is that I can't live without you. I want you by my side..." Sakujirou's cheeks reddened as he averted his gaze bashfully. Still, if it weren't to be said now, he wouldn't have another chance to do so, "I'm in love with you."

A few feet from there, Aether nodded knowingly. On the flip side, Paimon and Yoimiya were shocked at the outcome, mouth wide open.

"Guys, I don't think we should be watching, this seems too personal," Aether felt a sudden wave of embarrassment.

"No, no, no. What if- What if he doesn't let Sakujirou go?!" Yoimiya countered, trying her best to sound convincing, but truth be told, she was just extremely invested in the couple's story.

Keisuke's tears now freely dropped. However, not from sadness, but relief.

The years after his beloved set off were filled with sorrow and dismay. But now, all the burden that weighed down on him had been lifted.

He scrupulously embraced Sakujirou, finally feeling the warmth of the person he longed for the most. "I love you too, Sakujirou. I feel the same way as you! When I heard of your return, I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to see you so badly I sent officers to every corner of Inazuma to find you, I'm so sorry for the pain I caused you..."

"It's okay now," Sakujirou said between sobs, "I can't put to words the joy I feel at this moment..."

Keisuke parted from the embrace and straightened his face, suddenly recalling something, "Sakujirou, not only for that I am sorry, but for not understanding and dismissing your beliefs. I do worship the Raiden Shogun and I joined the Tenryou Commission to serve her. But now, my role is to forcefully take people's visions, seize people who break the decree, bringing immeasurable pain to the people... I don't want to do that, not anymore."

"Keisuke..." Sakujirou felt his heart break.

"The seasons may change and the years pass, but if I am with you, these factors don't mean anything. The Shogun desires eternity, and so do I. YOU are my eternity, Sakujirou. It doesn't matter where you go from here, I just ask that you allow me to be with you."

It was Sakujirou's turn to jump into the other's arms. Joy felt like it was flowing through his veins, the empty feeling inside his heart was now foreign to him.

With both of their smiles gleaming under the moonlight, the trio that watched the whole scene unfold from afar finally decided to leave, getting ready to watch the fireworks.

Yoimiya was more than excited to set off the fireworks Sakujirou had commissioned her to make previously, trying her best not to think how she ought to be the one to, not only explain to the Tenryou Commission about Keisuke's whereabouts, but also his parents.

When Sakujirou first asked for those specific fireworks, he wouldn't even dream of his wish of watching those fireworks with Keisuke that night coming true. Yet, the situation was even better.

Setting the boat afloat, the two men got on it, rowing the boat a few times before coming to a stop upon the loud noise behind them.

The murky skies of the land of eternity had been let up, the fireworks show started. Colorful beams of light filled the sky one after the other, leaving falling sparks as they ascended and exploded.

Sakujirou and Keisuke watched them rise, their eyes sparkling at the same rate as the sky. Side by side, fingers intertwined, resting on the wooden bench of the small boat. That instant, they felt the urge to see each other's faces on that timeless passing moment.

The coldness of the night and sea was compressed by the warmth they felt as the distance between them closed little by little.

Under the fireworks that night, Keisuke and Sakujirou proved their love for one another, sealing it with their first kiss.

The first of many to come.

—

After the fireworks show, Paimon spoke about the meanings of fireworks to people. As for Kouchi who built the boat, it was friendship and for Keisuke's parents, their engagement.

"And for Keisuke and Sakujirou, they were commemorating, hmm..."

Aether pondered with Paimon, but after some thought, he gave a simple answer.

"Love."