#i hope she doesnt feel anything is off. phew

[iamnotmereally]

still dumbfounded djcdhfhvk.

[ramuoto]

TOP 10 MANHWAs

if anything good came out of 2020, it’s my discovery of manhwas. 

well, it’s not like i’ve never read a single manhwa in the past 15+ years but tbh, the ratio of manhwa:manga i consume on a weekly basis has jumped exponentially this year. previously it was like 1:99 and now it’s like 90:10 LMAO. 

so, just to remind myself that the world is still full of good things, i had to make this list. which i will probably edit in the future, if i can be bothered to. :) 

anyhow, this list was not made in any particular order, just whichever came into mind. it’s loooong so be prepared! (I’ve read way more titles than mentioned but just included the ones worth checking out)

for whoever stumbles across this list, i hope some of these resonate with you and i hope they make you as happy as they made me. 

pic credits: https://geekculture.co/geeks-guide-to-transmigration-novels-avoid-death-at-all-costs/

1. Ebony

https://mangadex.org/title/41838/ebony

Bahahah omg he looks evil there! But our dearest archduke is hardly that aww. Soz, I just ripped off the covers of the manhwa cos I can’t find a panel I liked more than another. I mean, this manhwa is a GEM. I can’t even begin to describe this because everything about it blew me away. This is not something you read when you are craving for fluff, or just wanna have something brainless after a hard day at work or if you just wanna have some eye candy lol. This is something you pick up on a weekend, when you have time, because you need those hours to digest, appreciate, clutch your chest, tear a little because you find yourself falling in love with these characters. It doesn’t have any of that cliche isekai, romance, revenge themes going on. It has a solid plot, backed by incredible characters, beautifully woven by the authors and artist with incredible pacing that keeps you on your toes and keeps you looking forward to the next chapter. Maybe I would have been happier if I found it after it was completed lol. HAVE I CONVINCED YOU ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU WANNA READ IT?! like, idk, just go. JUST GO READ IT GDI. 

p.s. it says there romance but naaaaaaah, dont go in with that expectation. :) this story is so much more than that. 

2. Bring the love

https://mangadex.org/title/44472/bring-the-love

This...this!!! THIS MANHWA NEEDS MORE LOVE. If you need a lot of fluff, a little, ok maybe quite a bit of sadness and tragedy, sweet sweet romance, cutie pies, please, look no further!!! Again, pacing, character development are so important to me and this manhwa aces it. I love the 2 MCs very much. And the side characters too. :)

3.  A Stepmother's Märchen

https://mangadex.org/title/39474/a-stepmother-s-m-rchen

When I first read this, i fucking cried. like please don’t ask me why. it’s not like its an absolute tragedy but I was just rooting for the MC so much and I really want for everything to go her way. That’s how much I adore this MC!!! I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU DO NORA! HAHAHHA. okay soz. I need to keep this spoiler-free.

Anyhoo, there is nothing typical about this time travel plot. Sure, she goes back to try to undo the stuff that went wrong but phew, she certainly changed things so much everything that comes her way have made it so her previous experiences can hardly help aaaaaaand that’s what makes it fun! I sometimes wish the pacing could be a little more consistent, and there could be more characters I could love a little more wholeheartedly (so i wont have to be in so much despair when i read this sometimes lol) but omg the art, isn’t it pretty?! I’ve re-read this soooooo many times but the art blows me away all the time. And have I already mentioned how much I love her?! I LOVE YOU SHULI! AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!

4.  Lady Baby

https://mangadex.org/title/34691/lady-baby

I literally LOL-ed when I saw this cover. WHO THE HELL ARE THEY. WHAT LADY BABY?! ehehehe. okay anyway, uhm, this is already incredibly popular. im not sure if i need to elaborate but yes, it’s adorbs!!! i dont think i like the MC as much as i love her family lol. and everyone else who adores her. im looking forward to when they get older. :) actually not really. please stay cute for as long as yall can! but yeah, i do wish the plot can move a lil faster. i want to see more character development in the other kids too COME ON! 

5.  Death Is the Only Ending for the Villainess

https://mangadex.org/title/47754/death-is-the-only-ending-for-the-villainess

am i allowed to reveal how shallow i am rn? like the previous choices were all like ‘wow-deep-plot’, ‘wow-character-development’ and this one i just included cos of AESTHETICS ALONE?! the novel covers are breathtaking!!! the manhwa art is amazing as well. and the harem is great! LOL. as for plot... uhm... it’s alright. it’s pretty engaging and i quite like the MC, she’s smart and independent and i love how she views them all antagonistically at all times HAHAHHA. her past is kinda... weird though and i do wish they’d stop referencing it. cos... girl why do you wanna go back to reality!!! stay here! it’s way more exciting! 

i love the whole isekai/reincarnate/transmigration theme and this is honestly one of the better, not-so-cliche or cheesy ones HA.

6.  Beware of the Villainess!

https://mangadex.org/title/47286/beware-of-the-villainess

do you already see the whole villainess theme?! am i suppose to start feeling embarrassed about my choices?! NO! cos this one is AWESOME!

again, another wildly popular title. for good reasons. it’s hilarious, our MC is as real and candid as it gets and LOOK AT THAT BLUE HAIRED BEAUTY. DO YOU SEE HIM?! IMPLANT HIM INTO YOUR MEMORY NOW!

it’s highly entertaining and breaks all isekai-reincarnation-villainess plot stereotypes. definitely one of the titles i look forward to every week.

7.  Who Made Me a Princess

https://mangadex.org/title/32506/who-made-me-a-princess

what? why did i choose this?

BECAUSE OF CLAUDE OF COURSE. ahahaha. okay aside from the amaaaaaaazing art and the beautiful people, the plot is not too bad. a little extreme at times but it’s interesting enough to keep me going. it’s currently on hiatus though and i was highly annoyed by how the first season ended. (YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? NOTHING.)

i hope the plot can move faster in the next season! and that our dearest MC athanasia can you know, finally be a little more useful... like omg just tell lucas already!!! and tbh girl, no matter which guy you choose, i approve. :D 

8.  The Flower That Was Bloomed by a Cloud

https://mangadex.org/title/37648/the-flower-that-was-bloomed-by-a-cloud

i featured this before, mostly out of frustration HAHAHA. do you see why i chose this cover?! yeah, i support this (unpopular) pairing okay! the other one is doomed!!! no matter what the author is trying to do now!! I DONT SUPPORT IT!!! lol.

anyway, i had to feature this cos the art is unique! and the story is great. :) and i looooooove listening to the ost while i read it. it starts out kinda slow but as the pace picks up, you won’t be able to stop. and you find yourself conflicted at various points. it did win an award for a reason. 

no matter what, i still think dowun is best for her okay. it’s dowun or nothing. he’s devoted to her, we all know that! he just needs to ditch that annoying female guard!!! ok yknw what, maybe nothing is better. :/ *cries*

9.  Solo Leveling

https://mangadex.org/title/31477/solo-leveling

why do i even bother? this manhwa is popular enough. 

the art is great. the MC is great. i use him and his gang as my wallpaper. 

im just not sure i like how this season’s plot is progressing. :/ but i guess it brings us nearer to solving the mystery in the first leg of the manhwa. i just enjoyed the whole part of him leveling up and now that he isn’t really leveling up anymore... idk. am i hoping for more plot shit like bleach (oh wow now u quincy?)... idk man. anywho, no regrets starting on this series and marathon-ing it to death. 

cross fingers the plot picks up and doesnt get too complicated for its own good.

10.  The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up at the Duke's Mansion

https://mangadex.org/title/31606/the-reason-why-raeliana-ended-up-at-the-duke-s-mansion

okay, tbh, by the time i reached 10, i still have like 15 other series i was considering LMAO. i even considered lengthening this top 10 to top 15. but that would just be more of me and my nonsense. so... why did i choose this?

COS I LOVE THE 2 MCs!!! they’re adorable. the plot is again, kinda far-fetched at times (i literally laugh my head off at some parts) but it’s isekai-reincarnation okay! anything is possible in whatever magical crap country you end up in! lol. and i like how straightforward it is... in the sense there’s no 2nd lead. like okay i mean they are there but we all know they have no chance. oops. sorry!

and cos i can’t give up on the other titles i have, imma just list them down, without pictures... cos im tired. HA. 

11. Doctor Elise 

https://mangadex.org/title/29474/doctor-elise 

Kudos to the huge improvement in art style lmao. The good... lovable MCs, engaging plot. The bad... sometimes lengthy, incredulous medical moments (i work in the medical field so i... idk. sometimes this borders on iryu LMAO and i need to remind myself this is romance) otherwise, this is a highly highly entertaining read.

12.  Seduce the Villain's Father

https://mangadex.org/title/46775/seduce-the-villain-s-father

This is another of my ‘father-love’ whims. MC is adorable and ML is handsome. enough said.

13.  The Villainess Lives Twice

https://mangadex.org/title/49644/the-villainess-lives-twice

This is like a lesser version of Ebony and Bring the Love combined HAHAHA. The plot and premise is great and it’s awesome to marathon! I don’t find myself loving the MC as much as I should but the ML is a darling! I just find her a little toooooooo gloomy. Like come on girl, be more spunky! 

14.  The Stereotypical Life of a Reincarnated Lady

https://mangadex.org/title/46790/the-stereotypical-life-of-a-reincarnated-lady

I dont know why I like this so much HAHAHAHA. It hardly has a plot. I just find the MC and ML amusing i guess lol. 

15.  I'm Stanning the Prince

https://mangadex.org/title/45586/i-m-stanning-the-prince

Sometimes I wonder if I should be ranking this higher but I kinda feel this manhwa is trying to achieve too much with an underpowered MC. I love her... but I just don’t like how she’s just a pawn of everyone else and I dont know how she can change this situation of hers. It’s cute though. the MC and ML.  and the ML reminds me so much of american/jap Mackenyu. 

16.  The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass

I HAD TO. the art is so pretty! but girl, dont use the hour glass so much! you look a little too old! i would appreciate it if MC stops basing too much of her moves on the “past” tho like idk you are gonna sound unoriginal soooooon like develop your own thoughts soon okay? <3

17. Inso's Law

ANOTHER ONE. omg. im a lil on the fence regarding this but i like MC too much. and her harem LOL. i dont see where the plot is going either but i just hope for a happy end... ):

18.  Why Are You Doing This, Duke?

HAHAHA. this is sooooo sooooooo cute, i would have ranked it top 15 if it wasnt licensed by tapas tho cos they are a joke. WHY NOT TAPPY GDI. 

19.  Miss Not-So Sidekick

Uh-oh. Is this a top-20 list now? anyway, the MC for this series is GOLD. im not liking where it’s currently heading tho thus the lower ranking.

20.  IRIS - Lady with a Smartphone

omg IVE NEGLECTED THIS FOR TOO LONG. lemme go buy more chapters hahahaha. it’s a tad too lengthy... otherwise i like the MC and yummy ML!

still not enough?

Special Mentions - Okay, these will be unranked cos I don’t think these are that good but probably still worth a read.

I've Become the Villainous Empress of a Novel - this is new, im looking forward to how it progresses wheeeee.

Lady to Queen - It’s a ruthless manhwa. There was a point i started reading all sorts of sadistic content (i was running out of content i swear) and this was one of the better ones. I appreciate the MC very much. the plot now is a little weird and im a bit wary of the MC’s sister... hopefully the ML can be more useful. he’s pitiful though. but dude come on, dont rely on the wrong gal.

Goodbye, In-law - I’m not sure if i like the current progress buuuuuuut MC and ML are cute so who cares.

The Duchess' 50 Tea Recipes - plot is still engaging. MC and ML are cute. i dont know where the plot is heading towards though. 

A Falling Cohabitation - this is interesting and fun but a lil lengthy.

Light and Shadow - the sequel is out!!! i highly enjoyed this entire series!!! i would have probably ranked it a lil higher if i did this post earlier but too many series have overtaken this in my heart lol.

This Girl Is a Little Wild - is the hiatus ending yet? i would add it back to top 20 if it came back LOL. it’s highly entertaining tho. ML is adorable.

The Duchess With an Empty Soul  - pretty nice. MC and ML are a little boring. i think it can end soon. LMAO.

A Capable Maid - it’s amusing how she gets her powers for all sorts of situations lol. the prince is creepy tbh. and im secretly rooting for the other king hehe.

Beware of the Brothers! - it’s cute and heart-wrenching at the same time! not too sure im digging the latest plot development but okay... i’ll take it. they’re all cuties.

Living as the Tyrant's Older Sister - hehehe. it’s cute. duke is kinda silly but the latest chapter made me squeal!!!

The Evil Lady's Hero  - idk where the plot is going but MC and ML are adorable!!!

The Dragon Next Door - HAHAHA. it’s hilarious.

The Youngest Princess - she’s growing uppppp noooooooooooo

Virtues of the Villainess - ginger is hilarious. i dont see where the plot is going tho... and cant say i like the ML yet. i dont even get to see him much, hello?!

The Justice of Villainous Woman - pretty wholesome... i like the MC! (the ML is fine. no one else to contend with so...) can u end already?! lol.

Amina of the Lamp - hey, what happened to this? it’s pretty inconsistent but i do like the MC and ML... and the art...

The Villain's Savior - this is some sadistic shit. i reserve it for when i feel sadistic. i pretty much wanna see MC happy but idk if she’s making the right choices. :/

I Don't Want to Be Empress! - HAHAHAHA uhm it’s getting interesting. i just want ML to step up more... 

La dolce vita di Adelaide - I FINISHED THIS! and it’s wholesome, feel-good and cute. some parts felt a lil extra but ah whatever.

The Black Haired Princess - plot. move. faster!!! otherwise the MC and ML are pretty cute.

The Abandoned Empress - im a lil on the fence but i know how popular this series is. it started out HORRIBLE. i hated the ML so much. and then i found the green hair boy creepy. like MC, you need better taste in boys. it’s certainly getting more interesting now though. so please, continue to make my money’s worth!!!

Lucia - i. am. not. guilty. of. anything. *smut warning* anyway go read the novel. it’s better. hehehe.

What's Wrong with Secretary Kim - i do not need to elaborate any further. 

Past loves 

I created this section just to remind myself, that what i could like one day, i could hate the next LOL.

The Monster Duchess and Contract Princess - I know this is wildly popular. but i lost interest in it once she grew up. i dont think she’s particularly lovable. soz.

Survive as the Hero's Wife - another popular choice. I find the plot kinda boring now. MC and ML are cute though. 

Sincerely: I Became a Duke's Maid - another popular one. again, boring plot. like cant it end yet? oh you mean we need to wait for the real female lead to show up? dont need luh.

I Am a Child of This House - wow. the plot is shit now. and i do not support the MC and her guard. soz. she’s OVERPOWERED tbh. 

This Is an Obvious Fraudulent Marriage - idk what happened but my enthusiasm for this died.

Charlotte and Her 5 Disciples - i don’t get it. i dont get their obsession for her. 

[dustinnnaaa]

Comic ideass..... @crazyaboutart15 @anto-19-nella-blog

Allie notices that don looks kinda blushed*

Runs up to don *: ok who is it

Don: what?

Allie: who is it?

Don: idk what u mean

Allie: WHO DO YOU LIKE?!

Don: ok ok jeez didnt need to shout like that

Allie: tell me i get desperate in these situations

Don: ur not gonna tell anyone right..?!

Allie: cross my heart hope to die

Don: ok... It-

Linsday: its dei! :)

Don: lin its my place to tell here anyeay where did you come from?

Linsdsy: i saw u blush too and like i said i did it with ray now its ur turn

Allie: sooooooo its dei?

Don: *blushing* yeaah......

Allie: AWWWWW

Linsday: i know right?

Ray: heh they should get married if they love eachother so much

Don: ray! You too? Omg--

*linsday and allie planning the wedding and don is just sat there like wtf*

Dei: guys whats all the racket about

Don: oh you know *getting nervous* just linsday and allie joking around as always

Dei: oh ok well im bored soooo wanna play something

All: sure

All walk off but don stands there a minuite

Don: oh you dont know whats coming your way if u wanna mess around with me ill mess around with you >:D *walks and catches up with the rest*

All are outside)

Allie: sooooo what are we doing

Linsday: no clue

Dei: maybeee like a game weve never played before?

Allie: yeah but what is a game weve never played before?

*all tryna think*

Linsday: oo what about third wheel don

Allie: u do that all the time

Linsday: eh true, what about third wheel ray?

Ray: NO U DO THAT ALL THE TIME ASWELL

linsday: and its never gonna change

Allie: and here we go again :v

Dei: right guys were not thrid wheeling anyone! Lets just stick with a simple game

Ray: yeah lisnday listen to dei

Linsday: fine....

Allie: how bout like someone hides a certain object somewhere and we all have got to go and find it and bring it back

Dei: that doesnt sound bad

Linsday: yea

*dei has told them what she has hidden, she hidden a rope in the forest and the rest are finding it*

Allie in a tree in the middle of the forest*

Allie: you cant see nuthing from up here! Well there was no point of tha-

Allie nearly falls out the tree*

Allie: phew... That was close heh..

*allie gets down looking for the rope still*.

Meanwhile)

Linsday: hi ray

Ray: were suppose to be looking seperatly

Don: yea i cant see any rope

Ray: you too?

*allie scream "ow" after falling over a branch*

The rest hear her and run to try and find her*

Ray: allie!? Where are you?! Are you ok?!

Allie sees ray in the distance* im here! *waves*

*ray sees her and runs to her asking if she is alright and everything*

linsday: my work here is done - 3 -

Allie: i just tripped over a branch and may have fractured my ancle, i mean i am very clumsy... It doesnt help that trees are covering the light of the sky and i cant see anything

Ray: can you get up? *holds his hand out to help*

Allie: yea ill try *grabs rays hand and gets up* thanks ray, im sorry for distracting you from the rope hunt

Don: oh about that, *has the rope in his hands*yeah i found it, it was in that tree

Lin: right should we head back?

Allie: yeah but im gonna take the next round out i need to sit down

(next round and allie is sat there under the tree and starts to fall asleep)

(thats it for now feel free to follow the comic if anyone has anything in mind

[hufflautia]

Hope you’ve had a great day today 💛

funnily enough, i literally just stopped crying. today was a bad day, I don't know 

why but my anxiety was just quite bad today and I was panicking before school started. something happened in my first class and I overthink a lot, so my mind was like, “oh my god why did they write your name last, do they hate me, am I boring, am I forgetful, people are always forgetting about me” and “my teacher doesn't like me, why didn't he respond, I'm embarrassed, why did you have to say what you said??” my English teacher does these “mindfulness” moments in which we sit in silence for a minute and reflect on the day, and I literally started crying. after the minute ended, I just stopped bc I didn't feel like crying anymore, and suddenly my brain said, “ur so fake, ur just acting, why did u stop crying all of a sudden, u just want attention u crave attention ur such a faker!!” also I keep thinking about something that happened years ago with my dad, I don't rlly wanna get into it but I think it would be good if I just say it so that its not jammed in my head. basically, I was really young, like in elementary school; my dad asked me if i wanted to sleep in his room with him, and originally, my mom was sleeping with him and i shared a room with my little brother. however, i was like hmm maybe, and then my dad said, haha ill pay u 5 dollars. at the time, i said YAY OK but now i realized that's so fucking creepy, yall know what its insinuating right?? anyways, i said ok, bc it was just a change from the usual sleep schedule and i liked spending time w my dad, so my mom went to my brothers room (it was a king-sized bed so it was ok, it wasn't a small bed that we had to share or anything like that) and i went to my parents room. basically, what happened was that we went to sleep, and in the middle of the night, (the next part makes me feel so uncomfortable and i feel queasy writing it) my dad slapped my butt really really hard to the point where i woke up and i was like ?????? and then he rubbed it softly immediately afterwards. i didnt know what happened, and i told my sister the day after, and she was confused too. recently i was thinking about it and I'm still confused and a lot more uncomfortable with what happened. here is my theory and i was very upset by it bc no one would want to think things like this- maybe my dad likes hurting women during sex and it was a reflex that night, but once he realized it was me, he tried “soothing me” or some shit by rubbing my butt (i literally hate this, i hate the fact that this happened and i don't like typing it out). no one wants to think about their parents sex life so this was just disgusting to think about. also my brother and mom keep arguing and fighting with each other, and I'm sure i have trauma from hearing my parents argue all the time so i rlly don't like it when they fight. my brother has explosive anger and he literally screams at her, which is very disrespectful; however, she screams at him too and sometimes hurts him, which scares me. I'm not worried about my own safety, I just hate violence i hate abuse, that scares me. so much stuff has happened in my life, and it results in a lot of trauma and other stuff that i don't even know about. i just know im really fucked up, im damaged and it just all felt like crashing down on me today- like everything thats happened, i was feeling anxious for no reason, i was thinking about the past, and i started crying again while watching netflix after school, so i just kept crying and i talked to myself out loud about my day and why i was feeling the way i was. that did help to some extent, and after i did that, i stopped crying, and then my brain said “why do you shut off your crying so easily, you seem fake, you seem like you wanna be sad and cry just so that you can see your pretty little tears drip down ur face like an actress, ur so fake ur so fake ur faking it ur not actually sad”, and the hardest part was that i didnt even object to it bc i didnt feel like anything was real, i felt like i didnt know who i was. i was like ok bitch whatever maybe ur right maybe i am faking it. i dont even know how to explain it, but its like being tired of that nagging and negative voice that you just submit to it, and you say ok whatever sure i am faking it, but in truth, the sadness i was feeling was real and genuine. about 10 min ago, i saw that someone tagged me in a fanfic and while i was reading it, i literally started bawling. i guess it was bc i saw in my email inbox that people had sent me asks, and i was happy bc i thought that maybe the person who sent me the fanfic idea responded back with more details. i was anxious about that before, bc i was thinking, oh god what if they just never respond, what if they just dont care about u anymore. when i saw the asks notifications, i felt a lot of relief bc i thought to myself, oh phew ok people still care about u. when i was crying while reading the fanfic, i couldn't stop crying, it felt endless. i couldn't just stop crying like i had before, and it reminded me of the time when my mom was going out to meet someone that she met on a dating app, and it was in the earlier times when she started doing this; she had gotten involved with some terrible men in the past, men who catfished her and were rlly vulgar and gross. im sure this was somewhere in June, when i had just posted chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series bc when i was freaking out about the date, i wrote about it in my journal and i know that it was somewhere in June bc i wrote something like “mom is going out to meet someone and im nervous, please please please i hope shes ok and careful, im really nervous and scared, no one likes my writing, mom is probably in danger, oh god oh gosh”. it was just a whole bunch of negative and anxious thoughts, including how i was feeling about the whole situation with chapter 1, so that's how i know it was somewhere in June. anyways, basically i was really scared for my mom bc shes had a bad history with online men and i was scared that someone was gonna kill her. i read and listen to a lot of murder mysteries, so my mind was going absolutely wild. i remember on that day, i went to take a shower after writing that entry in the journal, bc showering makes me feel better. when i stepped into the shower i started crying bc i was really scared for her and i was hoping she was safe and ok but i was just feeling so scared so i was crying and i couldn't stop crying. that was the scary part because i just kept bawling and i couldn't stop like i usually do; my brain said ok that's enough, you’ve cried enough, but my heart just kept going on and on and my brain said ok ok jessica holy jesus that's enough and eventually i sucked it up and was kinda ok afterwards but still sad and numb. that was similar to what had happened about 20 min ago. also im sure i was also sad today bc yesterday, my mom talked to me about in-person college visits, and her demeanor was very rushed and controlling. she said, “ok jessica we’re gonna do the college visits, we’re gonna drive there, and your dad is gonna come home for that. tell him that you need to do that, ok? tell him we do the college visits together.” i said that colleges are doing virtual tours, and her facial expression was very strained, she was like “DO NOT TELL HIM THAT. dont tell him that, ok?!” and she was pointing her finger at me and everything. she said, “tell him we’re going to do the physical college tours, which colleges do you wanna visit??” and she kept telling me not to tell him about the virtual tours. it reminded me of whenever she told me to say this or that to my dad over the phone, and i was upset, like oh great ok so dad’s coming home and i dont even wanna see him bc i dont like him that much, and now im gonna have to lie bc dad is probably gonna already know about the virtual tours and im gonna have to pretend that none of the colleges are doing virtual tours. in essence, today was a terrible day. while i was crying my eyes out when reading the fanfic, i wanted to tell something, i wanted to reach out to lee and jolie, but my brain said that i would burden them, im always telling them about stuff that happens (concerning my family or other stuff) and its probably getting too much for them.  my brain said that they wont be able to help anyway, im still gonna have to deal with the stuff im dealing with, and no one can help. that's a sad thought, it seems so helpless and sad. sometimes i overthink the smallest things, and when i see a text from lee and jolie that doesnt seem “right”, i think, oh gosh they hate me now, why did i have to say that?? i usually see my therapist every Thursday, aka today, but we didnt meet this time bc her schedule is becoming busy so now we’re gonna do it every other week, so next week i shall see her. perhaps she can help. 

thank you for this ask, it seemed so out of the blue bc no one rlly sends asks like this anymore. while writing this, i literally thought to myself, shes like an angel sent from heaven

[1heartfanfics]

Could you maybe do one where dean has the stomach flu but doesnt want to tell sam so he keeps driving until he cant hide it anymore? (Sam and dean just brothers, not romanticly. Luke maybe season 1 so dean doesnt want to bother sam with being sick bc of whats going on)

Dean fought against a wince as his stomach gurgled angrily for like the hundredth time in the past hour. It had started as some minor discomfort after he’d eaten his usual bacon cheeseburger for lunch, but that happened sometimes when they were on the road. Now, however, it was a full blown upset stomach, and Dean was not about it. 

Thankfully, Sam was sleeping, or at least resting his eyes, so Dean took a few moments to rub gently at his stomach, hoping to settle it. 

“Oof,” he grimaced, feeling how bloated he was over the waistband of his jeans. Dean realized he was probably in for a long day though. The sweat starting to gather on his forehead and the bitter taste in his mouth told him that this was more than an under cooked hamburger. 

Dean made it about another twenty minutes before the gurgling turned to churning and discomfort turned to nausea. He knew he was going to puke, probably sooner rather than later. So he pulled off the highway and drove up to the pump at a gas station. 

He hopped out and put the pump in, even though baby didn’t really need filling up, she still had about half a tank. But Sam would be suspicious otherwise. Dean leaned down to see if Sam was still asleep in the passenger seat, but the movement put too much pressure on his bloated stomach, which sent his lunch flying up into his mouth.

“Shit,” he cursed, hand coming up to cover his mouth as he hurried into the gas station and quickly darted into the men’s room. He thanked his lucky stars that it was a one person bathroom, and that no one was in it. He’d no sooner locked the door and taken two steps that the bacon cheeseburger was flying out of his mouth and into the toilet. He braced his hands on his knees as another heave tore through him, bringing up more. 

After one more mouthful and a few dry heaves he felt safe enough to straighten up, although he had to lean against the wall for support, his legs were shaking. He took a few deep breaths, then stumbled over the sink to splash some water on his face. 

Dean cringed when he saw himself in the mirror. His face was pale and sallow, definitely sick looking. There’s no way he was gonna get past Sam without an interrogation. He patted his cheeks, hoping to get some color back in them, but it didn’t really help. Sighing, he exited the bathroom to find Sam leaning against the wall looking sleepy. 

“You alright Sammy?” he asked, trying to hide the tremor in his voice.

“Hmph, yeah,” he grunted, covering a yawn with his hand as he walked into the bathroom. Phew, close one. 

Dean bought a a bag of trail mix, two waters, a bottle of pepto, a can of sprite, and some antacids before heading back out to the car. He quickly took some of the medicine and a few swigs of the sprite, then stowed them in the backseat under one of his coats. 

“Here,” Dean said when Sam got back in the car, tossing him one of the bottles of water and the trail mix. 

“Oh, thanks,” Sam said, seeming a little more awake now. “Why’d we stop? I figured we’d have another couple hours of gas left.”

“Eh, we still had about a quarter tank but I was dying of thirst man. That burger was so salty,” Dean shrugged, putting the car in drive and pulling back onto the highway. He turned the radio back on and cranked the volume up a bit to cover up any noises his stomach made and prayed that he could make it a few hours.

They’d only been driving for about 15 minutes when Dean’s stomach started feeling iffy again. It was sloshing around inside of him, making him feel like he needed to burp. He was afraid that something besides just air would come out if he did though. 

A bump in the road forced a belch up from Dean’s tumultuous stomach. He glanced over at Sam, who didn’t say anything, but Dean could tell he was watching him. When it happened again a few minutes later Sam raised an eyebrow, but still, said nothing. 

His stomach let out a particularly long gurgle, punctuated by a cramping feeling, that brought up another burp. Dean brought a hand to rest on his stomach, he couldn’t help it. He really didn’t feel good. He rubbed his hand back and forth, forgetting about Sam for just a moment as the pressure did kind of help.

“You feeling okay?” Sam asked, pulling him from his thoughts. 

“Yeah, fine,” Dean said, but his sentence was followed by a particularly queasy sounding burp which he muffled into his hand.

“Your stomach hurts doesn’t it?” Sam stated, rather than asked.

“It’s not a big deal,” Dean sighed, realizing he’d been found out. 

“Oh yeah? Is that why you were throwing up at the gas station? And why you have antacids and sprite in the backseat?” Sam asked, giving him one of his bitchfaces. 

“How did you know that?” Dean asked.

“Because I know you Dean. I’ve been watching you my whole life. And I’m sure that you just didn’t want to worry me, but that’s bullshit because I’m already worried. So pull over and let me drive,” Sam said sternly.

“Sam, I’m fine,” Dean protested.

“Dean, pull this car over right now or I swear I’m gonna start talking about that greasy cheeseburger you had for lunch and-”

“Okay, okay,” Dean quickly retreated, admitting defeat as his stomach flip flopped from the mention of the burger. 

He pulled over and got out, leaning over to gag a few times before he was sure that he wasn’t actually going to throw up again. He felt a hand on his back and another grabbing onto his shoulder to hold him up. He hadn’t realized he’d been shaking. 

“You good for now?” Sam asked quietly.

“Mhm,” he grunted, letting Sam lead him around to the passenger side. He sat down heavily, feeling so exhausted suddenly. 

“Alright, your sprite is in the cup holder, try a few sips of that. And here’s the other water bottle. Oh, and there’s a few plastic bags in the glove compartment if you need them, but if you start feeling queasy just tell me and I’ll stop okay?” Sam said softly, patting Dean’s shoulder.

“Mmkay, thanks Sammy,” Dean muttered, feeling his cheeks burning. He wasn’t used to being taken care of. He’d always been the one taking care of Sam, and then he’d just been alone for so long. Or with Dad, who sure as hell wouldn’t ever take care of him when he was sick. 

Dean slid a hand up under his shirt to rub at his stomach as Sam started the car and pulled back onto the highway. He muffled another belch and groaned, this was going to be one long, shitty drive. 

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ upd8 2020-01-17

Alright, morningblogging yesterday’s 2020-01-17 upd8 to Homestuck^2 let’s go!  Spoiler-free again.  I kinda don’t want even the next chapter names image-spoiled above the cut anymore so I’m going to have to figure out WHAT to put above the cut in these liveblog posts for visual reinforcement... a unique silly icon?  Going back once I’m done with the upd8 and posting something non-spoilery but weird-looking out of context?

Eh, can’t be assed.  Just know that after this I’m going to pony up for the Patreon commentary and skim it for anything plot-useful to y’all (in a separate post).  Let’s get started.

Okay, what’s next:  Any bonuses?  Oh, none!  Phew.  Unless those are coming faster too and just staggered differently, which would mean I gotta overcome my irrational pre-Homestuck-reading anxiety even MORE often.  :T

No Homestuck you don’t GET to ask how my-- ah, right.  :P

(FYI, HS^2 has been good to my emotions so far, quite a balm for the epilogues, so once I START reading I’m usually fine; but after being hurt so badly how could I possibly convince my lizard brain to trust it until it’s right in front of me?  Seriously, just hearing that the upd8 has landed messes me up a bit until I come fix it by reading w/ y’all here.)

Okay, so whose feelings?  As much as I’ve been waiting for Jade, I hope this isn’t about Jade.

> ==>

Ah fuck, we’re finally with the Pursuit Crew.  Bracing myself.  That means we get to see probably sleeping Jade ( :C ), full-swing DaveKat (approving nod), the first canon onscreen look at masculine-mode Roxy (<3), a probably pretty pissed off Kanaya (possibly either the feelings target, the one Saying How Are Your Feelings, or both), and uh... did they drag Callie along?  Or leave her back there with her meta freakout?  Probably left her back there, but... hm.

Let me turn up the brightness on this screen to sear these next pages into my retinas.  (Also, it feels odd to still be using a four-person “==>” for these, although if Jade is still asleep the numbers might fit on both ends... :c )

> ==>

I don’t think Dad is in the spacefaring business, so this is probably one of Jake’s shittier spaceship designs.

> ==>

...well that’s a touch disturbing.  Is that a Jade-occupied bed or are those just pillows?

Oh what the fresh fanfic’y heck is this command.

> i enter.

Okay that’s great.  I got a kick out of that.

JADE [in calliope red]: the prince’s power grows.

--but that’s not.  That explains the narrative command text, it’s alt!callie talking through a still conked-out Jade.  Please let her wake up between speak-throughs, please tell me you’ve learned that trick??  I already know you’re gonna pull an “oh she was asleep pretty much all of those THREE YEARS OF TRAVEL” thing on me and that’s hard fucking enough to deal with.

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST!

He’s actually using the full curse correctly, huh?

...These commands.  Guess part of the puzzle is how much alt!Callie is being typically morbid and how much she might actually be wising up enough to get a kick out of this.

> the knight of blood falls.

DAVE: dude can you chill for like even a single fucking second DAVE: also are you ok

Has CallieJade chilled for even a single second this entire trip??  Is he asking just if Karkat’s okay or Jade too???

--yeah I’m overblowing things out of nervousness.  Just wait and see a bit, boots.

Alt!Callie has at least learned to be more of a smartass:

> karkat is characteristically appreciative of the alarm call.

Shirt trade Karkat, nice.  And uh, Jade’s dress sure is a... dress.  Hm.

(Did alt!Callie alchemize adjustments to did she just luck out to have a red-symbol’d Bec belt and accent leggings?  I’d prefer the former, because as much as it would be acceptable within Homestuck proper, using the transition between the epilogues and this new-author’d work to just HAPPEN to give her a fitting outfit without an excuse via providence is kind of lazy.)

KARKAT: OH, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR OVERREACTING A LITTLE WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND "POSSESSED JADE" BUSTS INTO MY RESPITEBLOCK AT 5 AM! KARKAT: NEXT TIME I’LL JUST PULL THE COVERS BACK AND LET HER CLIMB IN! JADE: i am uninterested in that scenario. KARKAT: GREAT! POSSESSED JADE ISN’T EVEN HORNY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

...please let that mean he’s not used to her being possessed all the time and she wakes up sometimes.  PLEASE.

DAVE: but im pretty sure i locked that door JADE: i unlocked it with my mind. DAVE: fuck KARKAT: FANTASTIC. JADE: the prince’s powers are growing, but so are mine.

Dave, I’m pretty sure regular-ass no-Green-Sun Space powers can flip a few lock tumblers too.  (--though, I guess from context this was a Jakeship technolock.  Confirmation on the ship’s bad taste in design.  --I think I’m foggily remembering it said in the Epilogues that they took one of Jake’s ships just like Dirk did, too... man, being depressed so much by the Epilogues sure took a lot out of my ability to recall them decently.)

KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T FLOAT AROUND LIKE A CREEPY PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AS IT IS?

God DAMN IT she’s been asleep and possessed the whole fucking time.

> sleep is abandoned, coffee sought.

More obligatory DaveKat being cute, somehow only emphasized by the embarrassing glowing-with-power observer who doesn’t really get any of it.

Ah, here we go:

> the rogue is also awake.

Oh huh.  Cool!

Hero outfit, understated...  her his choice of heart-shades color-coded to stand out from Dave more to avoid further mistaken identity cases.  Works well!  (Holy shit I only JUST remembered at the end to go back and correctly gender Roxy as him, that was close. I blame the epilogues for a lack of visual reinforcement; I shouldn’t have as much trouble soon enough.  Seriously, I don’t remember ANYTHING without visual reinforcement, I think that’s why I remember so much of Homestuck proper so clearly.)

KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US! ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess ROXY: it be like that

ilu roxy.

I missed Roxy so much, you guys.  I need more of him remarking on all this crazy shit if I’m gonna stay sane though all this.  (And I need more of him and AWAKE JADE kicking ass independently or together if I’m going to continue to believe there’s justice in the world.)

> ==>

We rarely saw Rose drinking anything but the rare coffee in canon, but I think Kanaya would have gotten her plenty into tea, yes.  Or at the very least, wanting the aesthetic of drinking tea with Kanaya would have gotten Rose into tea even if it never crossed Kanaya’s mind to try the stuff.

ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances" > the prince is contemplated for a moment in silence.

FUCK, Dirk can see the narrative all the way out here???  No wonder alt!Callie’s forced to have possession turned on 24/7.  That’s fucking disappointing.  How the hell are we going to get any proper Jade time with THAT hanging over our heads?  She’d only be able to do anything when Dirk’s knocked out, and maybe not even THEN!

I was virtually promised more of actual non-asleep Jade getting shit done in HS^2.  Now there’s an even longer wait on it than I expected.  This sucks.

(EDIT: BOY did I misread that link line. Thinking “is contemplated” meant is sitting contemplating, when it meant "is being contemplated by everyone here". That was dumb of me.)

*clicks that next link*

Oh my goodness, Roxy joined the Bird Hair Crew.  It makes him look like a fucking asshole but I kind of love it.

KARKAT: IS THERE MILK?

I can’t believe Karkat is okay with drinking milk.  --yes, culturally Trolls are more comfortable with animal excretions than we are, but you would’ve thought years of railing against Equius would have purged any tolerance the idea of milk from his psyche.

I guess Dave introduced him to cereal, and it was all over from there.

DAVE: this is more like a castle DAVE: a castle of idk DAVE: twenty something ennui

Sounds like a relatable mood.  Especially considering Dirk probably decided to conquer reality out of almost nothing but twenty-something ennui.

Alright.  You aren’t going to turn Kanaya into an alcoholic or anything on us are you?

> the knight of time seeks a sylph...

--this is the shittiest shipboard starship aesthetic.

> ...and finds her, momentarily.

WOW that looks fucking depressed.  :(

> ==>

...okay you know what?  Never mind.  That outfit has wrapped straight back around into Trying Too Hard and is now hilarious.

DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

Why do you think the epilogues upset us so much?  We thought we’d won free of that bullshit.

> ==>

Oh jesus christ that’s the most depressingly sad I’ve ever seen Kanaya drawn.  :C

--Karkat got you to watch Serendipity?  That’s amazing, Dave.

KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

Fuck.

Y’know how little showing these two in love and actually HAPPY together we’ve seen in this entire comic and its subworks?  Despite them having spent at least a few happy years together we only saw in tiny screenclips?  And how Candy alluded super hard that they most likely couldn’t get that in this real timeline where shit’s going down?

Seriously, FUCK.  You could at least pretend to give us some hope, here.

Oh no, don’t ask for the nursery story, Dave.  Unless it turns out to be a funny one or a Rose twist on an old story or something.  Which it probably is, I should stop worrying.

> ==>

KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost DAVE: flower DAVE: like a plant KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave DAVE: right KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

Dirk you PIECE OF SHIT did you rewrite the narrative of the fucking STORIES SHE TOLD CHILDREN?!??  Does the fact that alt!Callie is only in the present mean he can rewrite ANY past event we didn’t literally SEE???  FUCK you.  Seriously fuck all of this.

Please tell me she was kidding just then, or realizes there’s fucking something wrong with what she’s saying and getting angry or.

(EDIT: shoutyourporpoise replied: "Hey, idk If you picked up on this, but the 'nursery story' Rose told to the wigglers is just The Little Prince, which is maybe a BIT early for them to read, but I don't think that's a case of Dirk changing the narrative; its just Rose being Too Adult as usual." Oh, damn, I didn't even CATCH that it was that story. That makes all of this a lot more forgivable, even if pretty unforgivably leaning into the fiction that Dirk used to brainwash and kidnap her. Maybe that's exactly why it worked -- fiction, a story so blazed into the public consciousness? Hm. Thanks, shoutyourporpoise.)

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

Mother fuck I’m even going to have to see our protagonists warped by Dirk when they’re ostensibly FULLY SHIELDED aren’t I.  There’s only so much of that I would be able to take, you know.

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

Hm.  Well, it being a product of Rose’s ascension instead of Dirk’s is possibly a more charitable take, with Ultimate Rose projecting the delusion enforced on her backward, visible to past Rose’s Sight when she isn’t paying attention and thus paving the way for Dirk to paradoxically exploit that “ideal” as something Lighty and Important and “Perfect”.  I still don’t fucking like it though.

> ==>

DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

Yyyep.

DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

Pffff.

DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

--Which is kind of going to have to change, right?  She’s got some other cosmic purpose ready to change her a little more than she changed pre-human-troll-meetup, you’d think.

> ==>

Cute as hell.

> ==>

KANAYA: How Are Your Feelings

There’s the title drop.  I’d think Dave’s doing pretty well, considering?  Still fucked over by Dirk betraying and tricking Rose away who he’s been close with all his life, but.

> ==>

DAVE: except sometimes your best friend disappears and your other best friend goes into a ghost coma and your third best friend fucks off to space with your dad DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit

Ah... yeah.  A little worse than my casual list, huh?  Forgot that Jade vanishing into a possession-coma for THREE FUCKING YEARS is going to be hard on people inside the comic too, fuck.

DAVE: maybe it was naive to think that a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society

I was honestly surprised they TRIED to run society at all.  Jasp even just highlighted a big reason why not in the bonuses.

DAVE: cool how earth c existed for centuries then we show up and manage to ruin society in seven fucking years

:(

Well, the trolls got THEIR lesson on why they didn’t deserve to rule over their new universe like gods; I guess some of y’all needed that lesson too?

DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass

True.

Dammit, Dave didn’t feel like he could just be Some Guy even on Earth C.  :(

> ==>

...don’t think I’ve forgotten that nursery story, though.  I don’t want to think that it was something that ACTUALLY past happened, especially not without manipulation.  Like maybe past Rose was foreseeing the false purpose that Dirk wrote for her or the like, a cooperative misunderstanding between the two instead of Dirk or Rose literally reaching back in time.

> meanwhile...

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN ASKING? HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT FINE. KARKAT: ARE ANY OF US? ARE YOU? ROXY: not rly KARKAT: EXACTLY.

:(

--Oh right.  I remember that Callie and Roxy were going reasonably steady in Meat even though it was only alluded to, she didn’t freak out and stay awol or what have you.  That’s good to remember.  But it means Roxy deliberately left her behind to go on this dangerous quest, for years.  :C

KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

Oh, SHIT.  I should have read one line further.  They DID bring her.  Alt!Callie being here too must really FUCK with her.  ...maybe she can actually learn to accept that alternate way her life might’ve played out, though?

KARKAT: THE REALLY FUCKED UP THING IS I MIGHT BE THE MOST OKAY OUT OF ALL OF US, WHICH IS HOW YOU KNOW SHIT HAS REALLY GONE GLOBES UP.

Quite true.

ROXY: ur kinda an intense dude anybody ever tell u that KARKAT: NO.

Pff.

> ==>

KARKAT: AGAINST PRETTY MUCH ALL ODDS, AND DESPITE ME NOT DESERVING ANY OF IT, I ENDED UP GETTING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I WANTED. KARKAT: OVER AND OVER AGAIN. KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

Well, if you want to blame Lord English for instance... we never saw Caliborn and Karkat interact much, but the parallels between the two were drawn so severely that Caliborn was basically the idealized, multiverse-threatening Ultimate Kismesis that he’d always dreamed of.  And operated against him without him even ever quite realizing it.

If a level of “respect” went from Caliborn to Karkat, too, from his Lord-Englishy vision nigh-omnipresent, then this outcome isn’t very surprising at all.

> ==>

(I don’t quite feel I get why Roxy shifted to this exasperated-Dave expression, but I get logically that he’d been waiting for Karkat to make a breakfast choice... Homestuck proper rarely pulled a “last line said corresponds to next-panel’s expression” without either leaving the conversation blank or having the NEXT lines of the conversation reinforce it, to prevent this inelegant misunderstanding.  Andrew was really damned talented in getting his point across visually, in that regard.  Just like, that careful visual intent delivery.)

Alright, I guess that’s it for this short upd8!  Meeting the pursuit crew was both more and less difficult than I expected.  Hopefully I get desensitized a bit as the characters continue to feel semi-almost-sorta-fine.

I have NO idea how this group is gonna work as a proper crew when we get to whatever weird other-players’ session this shit is going down in, though.

[johnmarstoned]

Can I request Arthur Morganxf!reader where she is Dutch's sister and is same age as Arthur if not a year younger and she falls for him, but Arthur always shoots her down, not because he doesnt like her but because of Dutch? But she's a sassy bitch and doesnt care about what anyone says, not Dutch, Hosea, or Arthur himself? She knows what she wants and goes for it.

:D - Did you reach into my soul and pull this request out? Because I fucking love this. 

Dutch has a habit for treating everyone like he’s their father, and I suppose that’s part of his appeal, to most everyone else in the gang. To me, though, it’s mostly an annoyance, because there’s nothing quite like being the ‘baby’ sister of the leader of an outlaw gang to make you feel like folks are walking on eggshells around you, especially when he acts like more of a father than a brother to me as well.

I love him, I do, but he’s made it so on those nights where everyone’s drunk and jolly, arms around shoulders, ladies on laps, I’m treated like a leper, because everyone knows what happened to Sean that time he’d been caught with his hand on my ass: ear ringing for a week, imprint of Dutch’s ring on his cheek.

It’s annoying that he quite forgets how alike we are: we know what we want, we know our own minds, and yet he’s perfectly happy to parade around with every woman he takes a shine to, and I have to keep a friendly distance from every feller in camp lest I become a Van der Linde despoiled.

And it’d be less of a problem, if it was just Sean and Javier flirting a little when they think they can get away with it - I have no problem shutting them down.

No, Dutch’s unspoken rule about the men in the gang steering clear of me as any kind of romantic prospect bothers me only when it comes to Arthur.

I know, from talking to them, that most every woman in the camp has felt a little something for him at one time or another, and it’s not just because he’s so damn handsome, (he is). He’s got this way about him, something that’s hard to put my finger on.

He’s kind, sure, but lots of men are kind, and respectful, but lots of men are that way too. No, Arthur just has something, maybe it’s that promise of more hiding under that tough, broad-chested surface that nobody gets to see, maybe it’s seeing him chew on the end of his pen while thinking of just the right words to put in his journal, maybe it’s something more primal than that, the basic fact that there is nothing and no one he couldn’t protect me from if need be.

“Miss.” Arthur tips his hat at me when he walks by, and I’m staring at him, embarrassingly, and smile and nod at him before getting back to patching a hole in one of my blouses. But I have to glance up when he walks away - he is some kind of man.

“Careful, there, don’t think Dutch hasn’t been noticing your quiet conversations with him, and those glances.” I hadn’t seen Hosea had been looking at me, sat on the other side of the table in the middle of camp, until he speaks. I don’t like feeling annoyed with him, he’s been more of a father to me than even Dutch, at times, but it’s rather irritating to be made to feel like some blushing virgin flower to be protected when I’ve been as involved in the outlaw lifestyle as the rest of them. When I’ve had my share of men they outside this group. 

I sigh, and set down my darning needle, tuck some curly black hairs behind my ear that are making my nose itch.

“Dutch notices everything.” I say. “‘Cept that his little sister is a grown woman who can make her own decisions.”

“Ain’t just about you.” Hosea says. “Arthur’s his right hand man, practically his son, what do you think it would do to the gang if you and he…” He trails off, and I fight the urge to just say the work ‘fuck.’ “Were intimate.”

“Well, I would hope that he would be pleased of me spending my time with a good man that he knows he can trust, but that would be wishful thinking now, wouldn’t it?” I stand, because I’ve no desire to fight with Hosea, and look over at where Arthur is saddling up his horse. “We’ll speak later, Hosea.” And I leave a small tap on his shoulder so he knows I’m not too angry.

If there’s anything that makes me want to do something, it’s being told that I can’t. So I cross the camp to Arthur.

“Whereabouts are you going?” I ask, conversationally. He looks up at me a little surprised, like I’ve crept up on him, but recovers quick.

“Just into town for a few things. Something you need? ‘Cause Pearson’s already given me a list as long as my arm I’m sure I could add to.” He says, and shoves a piece of paper into his satchel.

“You want some company?” I ask, and purse my lips, hoping I don’t sound too over-eager, which I rather am. It’s easier to talk to Arthur when we’re alone, when he’s not worried about doing the wrong thing or attracting too much attention.

“Sure,” he says quickly, and clears his throat as if to cover it, “assumin’ you ain’t got nothin’ on round here.”

“No, I-”

“She has actually.” Dutch’s voice always cuts through deep, and can make her feel like a child with her hand in the cookie jar. “Got some planning to do for a job I’ve got ruminatin’ on.”

I turn around, and suspect he’s crept up on me as soon as he saw where I was headed, arms crossed and looking serious. Goddamn omniscient, I swear.

“Now, Dutch?” I say, skeptically, crossing my arms myself. People have said we look like twins when we face each other down like this, even though he has a good few years on me.

“Yes, now.” He says, and that would be enough for anyone else to follow him on his heels and do as told. But I’m not anyone, I’m not his subordinate, I’m his sister.

“Not to worry, miss.” Arthur says lightly, clearly not wanting to get in the middle of it, and climbing up onto his horse. “Perfectly fine on my own.”

“That’s as may be.” I say, in a tone that tells him he should not set off just yet. “But I’ve been stuck in camp since we arrived and I want to get out for a little bit, can’t scope out the town if I’ve never been, can I, Dutch?”

He’s looking at me with a deep frown, but I know he won’t come right out and say what he’s worried about, that he doesn’t want Arthur and I alone.

“We ain’t gonna be long, Dutch.” Arthur says from behind me, and I’m surprised at him somewhat backing me up for once.

He sighs and looks at me. “Fine, I suppose it can wait.”

“Good.” I say with an overly sweet smile. “Kieran, fetch me my horse would ya?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He says brightly and I watch Dutch look at me firmly a long moment before walking away.

“Phew, you two.” Arthur chuckles nervously, tapping the neck of his horse gently.

“He’s a demanding ass.” I say, and thank Kieran when he hands me the reins, conspicuously pretending he hadn’t heard what I’d just said.

Arthur chuckles roughly, and we set off after I’ve mounted up. “Only person round here with the gall to call Dutch van der Linde an ass.”

“Well, I’m allowed, and he is.” I smile, and we head out at a steady pace, arriving in Valentine in no time.

We get what we need from the general store, load it up on our horses, and I try and fail to convince him to stop at the saloon for a drink or two. It hurts a little bit, to be kept at an arms length like that, but I can’t blame him too much. He’s loyal to the end, and loyalty apparently includes doing nothing untoward with your mentor’s sister.

To save their legs, we walk the laden horses back for a bit, it’s a nice day, and we have the luxury of taking our time. Arthur has his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and has draped his jacket over his horse. He runs a hand through his hair to keep it off his face.

Lord, he is going to kill me, and I don’t even know if he looks at me like that at all.

“Do you think I’m pretty, Arthur?” I ask, it tumbles out of my mouth before I can even consider it. I swear he blushes, and he rubs the back of his neck and stumbles over his words, seeming to have trouble looking at me.

“Of course… Any man would look at you and say - not that I been lookin’ at you - just…”

“Ah, forget it.” I grumble, and shake my head a little. “I’m sorry I asked, I’m not trying to embarrass you.”

“No, I know.” He lets out a long breath and looks at me then. “I do think you’re pretty, you’re very pretty.”

“Okay.” I nod, almost wanting to drop the subject because I’m a little red in the cheeks now. But I don’t think I can, because I have to at least know if he even could think about me the way I do about him.

“Sorry if I’ve given you the impression you ain’t.” He says, as we trudge on. “It’s just, you know Dutch…”

“Dutch, Dutch, Dutch.” I repeat, a little bitterly. “Always Dutch, isn’t it?”

“You what?” Arthur looks up at me, confused.

Frustrated, I stop walking.

“I’m my own person, you know? I’m not just a part of Dutch. I have my own thoughts and feelings and wants.”

“I know that.” He says, looking taken aback at this sudden outpouring from me, steadying his horse to stop too.

“No, you don’t, none of you do.” I say. “I’m not even a woman to any of you I’m just a girl.”

“That ain’t true.” Arthur says firmly, and shakes his head, putting his hands on his hips and looking at the ground. “You’re a woman, alright, a whole lot of woman. That’s the problem.”

My heart starts to race a little bit and I put my hands on my hips myself, I am not backing down from this conversation now - even if we are in the middle of a road anyone could come riding down at any moment.

“Why’s that a problem?”

He scratches the back of his neck again. “You know why.”

“No, I don’t.” I say, stubbornly, crossing my arms.

He sighs and takes his cigarettes from his back pocket. “Let’s get off the damn road if we’re gonna talk, shall we?” He says, and puts one his mouth before offering me one, which I take.

We pull our horses just off to the road side, next to a couple of trees, and Arthur leans against one, lighting his cigarette then gesturing me forward to light mine.

“You know how difficult it’s been to be around you all day for years and keep ahold of myself?” He says. “You ain’t just pretty, you’re goddamn gorgeous, you’re the only woman ‘round there I’d even think about touchin’, and I can’t.”

My throat dries at his confession, my neck feels hot. But there’s still that holding back, and I can’t stand it.

“Oh, please.” I say impatiently, and he looks at me in surprise. “I know you, Arthur Morgan, there isn’t any ‘can’t’ with you. You can do anything you damn well please.”

He’s looking at me, looking like he wants to say something but isn’t really sure what.

“So, it’s fine if you don’t want me, but don’t give me this ‘can’t’ horseshit, you could have had me any time you wanted.” I say, and lord knows I’m glad my mother isn’t around anymore to hear me talking like this. The cigarette goes wasted, I don’t really want it, I throw it down and crush it.

His own cigarette hangs out of his mouth, he looks the definition of dumbstruck.

“I could?” He says, and I sigh and look up to the heavens, almost laughing, looking for some kind of deity to help me with this fool.

“Of course you could have, you big idiot, you don’t see me looking at you? Making any excuse to be around you? You rebuff me every time.” I hold out my hands like it’s obvious.

“Only ‘cause it weren’t a good idea for me to be around you so much, not ‘cause I thought you was… Interested, in me.”

And that was something I had never considered, that he didn’t even know I wanted him, I thought it had been obvious as the nose on my face, it was plain to everyone else. My heart is beating hard, and I feel a little rush, like I’ve just ridden away from a back heist on my horse.

“Well, ya know now.” I say simply, with a shrug. “So?”

“So… what?” He looks at me with trepidation, hands on his belt.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” It’s a challenge, the way I say it - I mean it to be.

Arthur just looks at me for a long moment, like he’s trying to figure something out, and I worry, just for a moment, that he’s going to get on his horse and ride full tilt back to camp. But I should know him better than that by now, to think he’d be scared away by a woman being perfectly clear with him about how she feels.

That’s why I like him so much. 

He clears the distance between us in a couple of strides and gathers me up by the waist, kisses me breathless. I have to stand on my tiptoes, I hold onto his broad shoulders like I’m going to fall over if I don’t. I might fall over if I don’t.

“Christ.” He sets me down so I’m flat on my feet but doesn’t let me go. “I am a dead man walking.”

“I won’t tell anyone.” I kiss him again, and I enjoy the little sound he hums into my mouth, and the way his big hands circle my hips and pull me tight.

“He’s gonna find out.” He mumbles when we pull apart again, but he doesn’t sound like he cares about that too terribly much.

“I can handle him, don’t worry.” I push my hands into the back of his hair, because I can’t resist feeling if it’s as soft between my fingers as I’ve always imagined.

“Good, ‘cause I don’t think I can go back to self-restraint now I’ve kissed ya.” He smiles at me a little shyly, and I fight the urge to drag him into some thicker trees and do a lot more than kissing. “Fool as I may be for it.”

I peck his lips again. “We’re outlaws, Arthur, save self-restraint for proper gentlemen.”

[shes-fast-like-me]

⭐️ :) -RavagingValiance

ok fuck wow. “heaven ‘n’ back” is literally my favourite thing i’ve written so far, and it was completely on a whim

also this got way longer than i intended it to, hope ya dont mind

i wanted to write something cute for lifetane because ever since i started shipping it enough to write for it, i’ve been writing heavy angst. then everything changed when i heard the first released song of chase atlantic’s “phases” album askjajsbja

here’s where my influence came from: the album’s cover is very heavily pink, and hearing the song “her” played over the picture of that pretty album cover? honest to god inspired this fic. i’m not kidding

i didn’t link the song to lifetane at first (now i do) but just. the image of them, somewhere high up, with a pink background, stuck in my mind for ages and ages until i just forced myself to write it. around the same time, the music vid came out for “her” and at the end of it they teased “heaven and back” and here, ladies and gents, is where the title comes from. neither song has anything to do with the fic lyric-wise. it’s purely because of the Aesthetic

but alright here’s the good bits: why is it written the way it is? well let’s start with the colours. lots of pinks, i made sure when posting it that it sounded exactly the way i envisioned it. i heavily associate lifeline with pink, and i thought since i’m making everything else pink, the emphasis is going to be pink. all the pink lines (”pretty pink, like the sky as it set” and “pink was starting to become his new favourite colour”) where not planned but the second i thought of them i was like “oh that’s brilliant”. the whole emphasis on pink and how it reminds octavio of ajay is just 👌 exactly what i wanted this fic to convey. everything is pink becus his whole world has become pink thanks to her

as for the heaven comparisons? well once i got the title down, i realised i need to somehow link it with the fic. this also however tied in with my personal headcanon that octavio grew up in a family that was predominantly catholic christian. i don’t think he really believes it anymore though, however once something has been drilled into your whole life, it’s kinda hard to get out of your head. plus, when you meet someone as kind and beautiful as ajay it’s hard not to make angel comparisons uwu

“he didn’t know what Heaven felt like but this was probably a damn good comparison” is probably my biggest galaxy brain moment ever. i thought of this line and just had to fit it in. i like that it implies that octavio wants to go to heaven but isnt sure if he will, but hey at least he’s got this moment instead right? idk it’s just pretty neat of me, not to brag

i just rlly like the way it all flows together. i like how i got octane’s characterization fairly close (if i say so myself) to canon (the whole craving adrenaline and no fear of death thing) even with having little to work off (this was written a while ago). i made it real sappy cus i wanted it to be real sappy. i feel like octavio’s a dork and doesnt know what to do with himself half the time she flirts with him.

phew, so that’s all i’ve got. sorry that i rambled so much but i probably wont get this opportunity again so i’m gonna let it all out now lmao. hope this didn’t bore you lol

[tumblunni]

MMMMMMore monster rancher! The chronicles of Jade being AMAZING AND GREAT and me HOPING SHE NEVER DIES!

* i’m so happy my baby is finally succeeding at battles aaaaa im so sorry you had such a bad start, jade! thanks for putting up with me!

* I just got a random event about the AGIMA president mr not-a-toupee offering Zest a job as a monster battle official. But he refused cos ‘ugh, Aroma cant handle the ranch without me’ Like.. dude... she is LITERALLY the only one doing work around here. She’s the one being my assistant character while you sit there just being a grumpy gus to everyone who ever loves you! >_< I take back what i said about you having a cute nerd character design! i hope he eventually does take the job, yknow? it sucks that he’s sacrificing his own career out of a sense of overprotectiveness to his sister. And that he’s so emotionally stunted that he cant even explain it properly to her without coming off like an absolute asshole. I think taking this job would probably be a very enriching experience for him! And I’m doing my best to teach Aroma how to be a good monster rancher, so I’m sure she’ll be fine. I’d actually love if she cameo’d in a later game or something as a secret super boss, like how Holly did in MR2!

* AWW YEAH JADE!! I love how after so long of struggling to even get one hit in, she’s suddenly able to stop struggling! i buffed her up so much so she could deal one hit KOs with that one move, and now she’s able to more reliably do one move, its really paying off. She even one hit KO’d another golem! O_O

* Jade managed to beat the B-Rank cup!!! I didnt think we’d even have enough time to get this far!! Oh phew, this means she can become a tutor when she retires. I just have to make sure to keep an eye on her and register for the tutor thing when it looks like her time is running out. Hell, I might even be able to beat the last few ranks and finish the whole game with my first monster! Jade is just that amazing!!!! Please stay forever, Jade!!!

* We just got invited to the three continent meet! I wonder if this means there will be cameos from Colt and Holly again? And we also got an invitation match to unlock more rare monsters and stuff! EVERYBODY IS EXCITED TO MEET JADE

* ilu jade

* sweet gentle rock child

* a casual cameo from Glados

* Jade reached the end of her time right after winning the Rank S tournement :) Thank you Jade... I love you lots, okay?

* However it seems like the GBA games have actually removed monster death, or at least softened it. Instead of getting a death scene, you just get a ‘your monster has reached its limit, it should go into retirement’. And then you can actually continue playing, you just get 0 points from training now and are stuck with the stats you achieved previously. I dunno if this means I can continue entering tournements with her, though? I might just let her rest every week til another tournement appears, and find out. But I’d feel guilty making her do tournements now, but still I know I couldnt beat the three continent meet if i had to raise a new monster now. It was really bad timing!! If possible, Jade, could you hang on long enough to meet Colt and Holly? You don’t have to win, even! I just want you to meet the nice assistants from the previous games, cos I’m so proud of you. GOD DAMN WHY DO I ALWAYS GET SO ATTATCHED TO MY MONSTERS

* YEAH, YOU CAN Man, thats kinda... completely broken??? I mean, I guess the idea is that cos you cant raise your stats higher you wont be able to progress anyway. But most of the time when i play, my monster never even gets a chance to reach its limit in the tournement. Dying before having the chance to play S-rank is usually my ultimate doom. i think if Jade can just keep on existing forever then i could eventually get lucky and beat all the tourneys, even without getting maxed out attack stat. SHES JUST SO AWESOME, YKNOW?? but it would be cruel to keep her working beyond her limit, even if the game lets me do it, it would just feel mean. I’m just gonna keep her here til the three continent meet. And I feel guilty enough even doing that... And i mean.. it would be kinda lame if I beat the game on the first try! This way I can raise another monster to aim for those final two ranks! And JAde can sit in the background of the tutor screen and smile :) I WILL MAKE YOU PROUD, MY CHILLLLLLLDDD

* Daww, shopkeeper Crow has a crush on the league receptionist! She was looking for cold medicine and he was really nice and helped her find the right medicine for free, and generally everyone was like ‘wtf where did mr grumpy go’ I hope there’s more random events with Crow, I wanna know more about him!

* A funny random event of Aroma suddenly NOT BICKERING WITH ZEST *dun dun dunnn* Right after Crow giving away free merchandise! Zest must think the world is coming to an end XD It was hilarious, but also I’m a bit grumpy at not-a-toupee man cos apparantly he told Aroma nobody would ever want to marry her unless she acted more submissive. Wtf dude, stfu with your stupid gender roles! Also.. like.. Aroma isnt even a tomboy character?? This is the first Ive even heard of her being ‘not ladylike’! She dresses eight times more femininely than every other assistant in the series, and I mean she doesnt act rough and tumble or hate cute things or anything?? Is she JUST supposed to be the ‘tomboy’ because she’s very self confident and doesnt take her brother’s bullshit? Am i supposed to be sympathising with mr jerk brother??? Funny event, but makes me think way too much about wtf the writers were thinking about this poor character... LITERALLY HER ONLY FLAW IS THAT HER CHARACTER DESIGN IS LAZY LEAVE HER ALONE HER PERSONALITY IS BEST SHE’S MY CHILD EVERYONE IS MY CHILD

* also its weird how inconsistant the translation is? There’s a lot of flaws and 90% of it is really flat and emotionless literal translation. But then this one event suddenly actually managed to keep good humour and wordplay! And her dialogue being overly formal WAS ACTUALLY A JOKE, when half of the game is usually that way! And they actually got text formatting right! THEY MADE A JOKE ABOUT TEXT FORMATTING!! I wish I’d taken a video of it, holy shit. Congratulations whoever translated these three paragraphs!

* Still waiting for the three continent match to show up... I’m worried now that maybe it doesnt appear if your monster is retirement age? So I’m waiting for nothing? In the meanwhile, Jade won two invitation matches to unlock monsters. the codes to get Zan and Joker are 98%SPEED and I forgot the code for Joker. But it seems you can redo the matches to get the codes again.

* JADE GAVE ME A PRESENT I FEEL BLESSED AAAAA I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS THOUGH LOOK AT THIS WEIRD COMPLICATED ITEM LOOK AT HOW SMART SHE IS FOR MAKING IT MY BABBBBYYYYYY

[ashethehedgehog]

Saw your fic recs! Did you see that Halves of a Whole FINALLY updated! What are your thoughts on a fem! Yugi? I admit I'm curious about how they'll portray tue character.

Yeah I did!!! I hope it was a relief for the author and that they’re doing okay! Long breaks from fics often means life is hard and motivation is low, which sucks : ( Hopefully its lookin’ up for them tho! Now, I haven’t been current with the chapters of that fic for a while now tho, I think I read up to chapter three or four before I dropped off for a bit, and then just never remembered to come back to it. To be fair, I read a lot of fic, and I also have several I write at the same time, so getting time to slot everything in is phew, a mess, lemme tell ya.

SO not sure how well I could give my thoughts on the fic, since not much actually happened in what I had read, but I’ll be going back to it soon to check out the progress on the story! 

As a general sense, I’d say I’m not really a fan of fem!Yugi, mainly because some of the portrayals of it I’ve seen give off some bad vibes (to me at least). I guess I don’t understand why he needs to be changed into a girl for some stories? Like is it important to how the plot goes down that he needs to be a girl? I feel like with a convincing reason I could get behind it (I’ve read a few, and some have had pleasant stories!). Also sometimes I get that vibe that its done to slot Yugi into the ‘innocent super femme’ stereotype (which also makes me upset because innocent and ‘cant do anything without relying on someone else’ tropes of girls need to die too augh), where he already gets quite a lot of of ‘innocent virgin doe eyed boy’ as it is. Noooooot that there is anything wrong with someone wanting to portray that, if they wished to, I should clarify. I’m all for ppl writing what they love, and if people really love the ‘innocent Yugi and possessive/arrogant Atem’ tropes, then like go for it. I’m not a fan, but then I have my own representations I know a lot of people wouldn’t agree with, and I don’t care cause that’s how I, personally, like to portray the characters. So each to their own u know, do what makes u happy!

BUT, that said, fem!Yugi can most certainly be done in a convincing and nice way, but the thing I think is it needs a lot more work put in to make it so, since it deviates from the norm, and to shake off the bad stereotypes that come with it. There is a lot of baggage there sadly, but people have the power to spin amazing stuff even with content that has such set ways to it! (think about how cool some versions of fairytales get and how they go away from the Disnye-esque versions!!!) That’s how I’d view it at least, but then I sit in my AU sandbox all day worldbuilding away and don’t really get into the tropes ygo often favours, so I’m not sure how much of a shared opinion that would be. 

in terms of how Halves of a Whole tackles it, I would have no idea! I’ve only read a few scenes with Yugi in it, and she barely interacted with anyone (to my memory, this was like over a year ago tho so its a bit choppy), so I couldn’t get a good idea of how she’d be around Atem, whether she stands up for herself and doesnt back down, or if she’s more meek Season Zero style Yugi (I think Halves of a Whole was a bit of a rewrite for S0/ the ygo story so maybe the later possibly? Don’t hold me to that tho I COULD be mixing it up with something else) Either way, I can’t really say my opinion on the matter since I havent read enough to form an understanding for how the author chose to portray Yugi in their fic, and commenting otherwise now would be a disservice to the story. I’ll be reading it soon tho, so feel free to come back if you really did want my extended, rambly opinion on it, although if I ended up not liking the representation as much, I don’t like being negative about other ppl’s works, so I won’t be writing anything if that’s the case! If I don’t like something in a fic, I just ignore it and move on. Hopefully that answers ur question! If not shoot me another ask and I’ll clarify more ahaha :’’’D

[survivedeathvalley]

EPISODE 1 - “TIME FOR SOME BRO AND TELL” - GIRUGA MESH

I am so excited to be competing! Everyone seems like such nice people and I can't wait to play in the challenges and do my very best!

Mattie is such a Basic Bitch(TM) and it's killing me. Like I'm not that great of an actress, I am a superb liar but I am a shitty actress. Why? because humor is the only thing that keeps me from going insane and I made Mattie such a basic bitch that she can't use any of my "quirks" or fun thoughts and theories. And now Mattie just mentioned death by dehydration, motherfucker! I am so going to be first boot it's not even funny. UwU

I just wanna talk about my feelings about being on the neutral tribe... I do consider myself on the Chaotic Neutral/Chaotic Good side of things. The chaos comes from my crazy emotions. I'm a Pisces so I'm sensitive and emotional. Also I'm actually kinda happy about being on a tribe of 6 people. I NATURALLY gravitate towards Bianca. I know who Paul is cause he slipped up in the tribe chat. So I feel good :)

OK SO i said i was retired but i adore logan and i wanna see what i can do without my baggage of the past that fukt me in ts all stars so phew. the people on my team seem chill, idk why but for some reason i get the feeling that theyre younger than me which doesnt make sense since im only 20 but anyway. I know that i type very specially and use phrases a lot so its gonna be hard to stop doing that bc if any of these people know me at all its gonna be a dead giveaway! 

So I've spent all day at Disney World today and I finally get back to the hotel and come online to speak to my tribe.  No one has talked to me one on one yet so... yeah,  no idea.  I said in the main chat I just got off work and I checked online to see Chick-fil-a's hours to make sure my story checked out too. :* We'll see what happens, on to figuring out this challenge!

First off: When I read this... Confess your sins, your dirty-dirty bad bads, your evil twisted thoughts here. It made me think of the dialogue in a bad porno. http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lthhgjZ1xY1qg39ewo1_500.gif Second off: I do quite enjoy the concept of this alias season. I like the idea of going into the game as a fresh face with a fresh personality and playing along with other people that I don't have any idea of. It kind of rekindles the fun that I have when I get to play in seasons with newbies. http://mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/excited-baby.gif Then, of course, I remember that these are not newbies so some of that fire loses a little oxygen. https://media.giphy.com/media/BmMU3LOfNMMeI/giphy.gif But, I'll try to convince myself that we're all playing for the first time. 

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So far I've noticed a few things about my tribemates. I don't think anything can be applied specifically to the individual given that I haven't really reached a stage to call people out... but, some of them are hung up on the fact that this a catfish season. When messaging them they tell me that it's awkward and when I tell them that the dog in my profile picture is my dog Donut they ask if it is "for real". I'm trying to play up this characters of Jenny for them because I thought that was the goal and I need these people to get on board. https://media.giphy.com/media/KGHtHISczyhHO/giphy.gif

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Wow, that last bit probably makes me come off as quite the rude person. Yikes! I need to get over myself a little. I get that easing ones self into a new situation can be challenging... sooo I'll give them a shot while continuing to respond to any and all questions and comments as Jenny would. http://replygif.net/i/440.gif

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So far I think my favorite people are Tanner, Kai, and Adelaide. I'd like to think I'd enjoy Wash as well but they went to bed shortly after starting communication with me. I don't think (so far as I know and god I hope not) that anyone has come up with a plan to ally yet so I'm just going to continue chatting to get my feelers in those waters. http://media1.giphy.com/media/BqHng2hpjOUdW/giphy.gif

Hopefully Jenny will appear charming enough to begin allying with these people. She needs some throats to slit later down the road and can only start to burn the bridges once she's built them - unfortunately!

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Alright, so I wanted to show my excitement at this game because I've played a real-life version called Tsuro with my friends where you are dragons and I'm hugely board game obsessed... but that's nowhere in Jenny's character and I don't feel like making any content about her up unless I absolutely have to! https://uberflip.cdntwrk.com/files/aHViPTIxOCZjbWQ9aXRlbWVkaXRvcmltYWdlJmZpbGVuYW1lPWl0ZW1lZGl0b3JpbWFnZV81NmQ4NDkzNzFjM2I0LmdpZiZ2ZXJzaW9uPTAwMDAmc2lnPTIxMTE0OTVlM2I1Y2M2NWVlYjMzOTE3OTcyMDExZmI0 Also, I was being truthful when I said the challenge is hard... like, I guess I'm having some difficulties processing the path or something because I keep crashing absurdly early. I'm hoping that by tomorrow when others have played it they will be able to talk me through getting a decent score so our tribe doesn't have to go and I won't have to face the possibility of being first boot (which is likely).

Ok! So basically, Kat just asked me for an alliance??? It's legit night one like chill, but obviously I ain't gunna turn down an ally so i'll play along. I was like "OMG YAHHH I NEVER HAVE ALLIES ON SURVIVOR ORGS" hopefully that makes her think im like a 100% on board... in realist im like 40% on board. It's SHADee as FUCK to try and propose an alliance so early... Also, Giruga (or whatever) is legit annoying as fuck. I think ever sentence he has said thus far has the word "bro" in it? Like can you not be annoying as fuck for no reason... I get it is an alias season, but they dont give you no free pass to be as obnoxious as possible. Praying we win this challenge... hopefully get first because I could totally use a reward with possibility of an advantage in the game. GIMME THAT IDOL. If we do happen to lose I cant wait for the ugly bro culture of Giruga to be the first boot this season deserves.

Honestly I love my tribe and everyone seem so nice  Not knowing who people really are is kinda crazy but I'll get use to it. 

That challenge was crazy and I'm glad it's almost over with. 

I'm bored so I'm just gonna... make another confessional. What does this alias twist mean to me? I wanna be able to make the most of it and be able to play the game I'm never capable of playing as my real self. As who am actually am I suck at seperating emotion and strategy so I'm gonna try to be as emotionless as possible, which I actually think will be easy considering idk who anyone is....... except 2 people perhaps. Anyway time to flop at this challenge xoxox give me a good edit please

i'm typing like gabby bc i don't wanna get out of practice. why is it that the only person that talks to me is misty? bianca i c that u're on and you don't respond to me you're the first person im gonna target. i swear i've sent a 'hey' message to every1 on my tribe and the only one that responded was MISTY.  then marco or whatever his name is hasn't even accepted my friend request yet... i see how it is.

Later...

I mean I figured we didn't do fantastic but losing by over half.... sucks.  a lot.  Misty and uh.... someone else just called Marco out for not accepting anyones friend request... maybe that means we can vote him out this round to ensure I stay. :) 

https://youtu.be/NSE7BsDWti0

https://youtu.be/mn4vdHFOM88

I forgot we were the Titus tribe but then I realized we got 2nd so I am very proud of my tribe! We did it yay!

So we just got 2nd and are immune this week I'm so happy. Whoever gets voted out will be crazy bc no one wants to be first boot but the weakest should go!

So, not only does Kat approach me as an alliance, but i just got approached by William and Layla, too? Damn I cant believe im winning this game :))) Anyway, supposedly Kat and William are ORG newbies? Not sure if that is a lie, but that doesnt shrink their targets by any means... Also thank the fucking survivor gods this Bro bitch aint on our tribe for the next 20 hours!!!! I hope he burns in the Devil's butthole along with his meninst culture.

So UMMMM I'm gonna just spearhead this plan to get Marco out cause he hasn't spoken... at all. I'm not afraid to take control of my tribe at this point cause the inacts gotta go. Mattie/Gabby are both pretty active so I wanna work with them. Bianca's my goddess so I wanna work with her too. It sucks she got removed or else I would've formed a majority with them. Rn I'm telling everyone "If you watch out for me I'll do the same for you blah blah blah" and making deals w/ everyone because that's how I play! Let's hope it works out xoxoxo

okay, i've been trying to be a super sleuth to figure out these identities...  I really think that Misty is really Nic.  Misty is from Georgia and Nic is from Georgia, and I think they are from around the same area.  Nic knows that I am from Georgia and now he knows that Gabby is from Georgia too so I hope he doesn't put it together, I think that I'm typing differently enough and I lowkey think he believes that whoever is behind Gabby really works at chick fil a because I've been doing my homework. I'm not sure who Mattie is yet, but I'm having a hard time NOT mentioning how much I love Glee because then I think people would obviously know who I am- or they would think that I'm Ashley Sarah, but Mattie was talking about Scream Queens and I desperately wanted to say I LOVE LEA MICHELE but I kept my cool. I lowkey think that Mattie might be Pippa though, they remind me of each other.   Everyone else....?  I still have no idea. 

Not much has happened so far. I've talked to a few people but nothing has really moved forward. I was happy to go to the devil's hole, although I didn't end up finding anything. I'm glad I got a chance to meet people from the other tribes though. It was interesting to find out that they have people who haven't even spoken in tribe chat yet? That's crazy. Also it's fun to try to guess who's who. I mean, it's possible I don't even already know the people on my tribe, but it's still fun to try to figure out who they could be. I haven't really gotten there yet. Although I wonder if Alex Raine is a bit new to the community because he's a comp beast, yet he's showing it and making it obvious and making himself a target. I don't know, he seems cool and we've talked a bit, but come merge that could be tricky for him. In terms of alliances, there aren't any yet that I'm really aware of, but Jenny and Alex are the only ones I've talked to that much and I'd be happy to work with them, despite being a little nervous that Alex is a target. He's nice and hopefully his social game is as good as his physical.

aaaaa  i got 378 score   aaaa

Bye I'm going home today...  I'm shook at how fast this game started and I saw in the tribe chat that people were complaining that I hadn't added anyone yet but I didn't get any contact requests from any of them either hm!! Anyway unless I can pull myself out of the dirt somehow I'm totally screwed right now... im an easy target bc I was not here the first day and easy targets are always just easy to vote out the first week rip...

Nothing really. I haven't acted on my plans of being an aggressive player this season, so maybe I'll adapt and get a new strategy going later. Good luck to me

Right now I feel like a mess because I keep forgetting to check skype and missing important stuff. But right now the general consensus according to Misty is to vote out Marco because he literally does not exist and hasn't added any of us. I love a good first round flop. I feel like if I start showing my fabulous personality I could have a good shot at surviving if we go to tribal again, however people might be weary of me now that I've gone to the Devil's Hole, even though I got nothing. Rob wouldn't even let me keep the rock. :'(

I can't believe I'm pippa 

these bitches are so bland and boring BYE

Why did I make Kat so happy and grammatically correct all the time I'm so used to keyboard smashing like jsjsjahajak. I literally cringe every time I add an exclamation point like pls... settle down... I regret this so much nnnn. Anyways- The people I'm closest to rn are Dianna and William because we have an alliance. I'm also good with Giruga, but that's probably because he's such a talkative person-- and so is Dianna. It's really important for me to show my worth to these people so they don't target me because social players run the early premerge. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of that so far. I'm also playing it off like this is my first time playing an org, which will make me seem less threatening. I don't really know if that'll play off since we're all catfish, but I figure the more utr I am right now the better. 

Well, I can't get into my Paul account so I'm probably being voted out. Peace ✌️ 

EP 1 EDGIC

http://prntscr.com/f4zaus

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 10: “Did I really win or is it an alternative win?” - Logan [ PART I ]

matt exposing the dynamics of the game to me is my kink

most of it i already know but i just play dumb

also, apparently people know me and mj are close? so... yikes. i need new allies

I honestly don't know what the hell happened today other than it really sucks to go to two tribals, but I'm laughing because:

[2017-01-25 11:35:37 PM] Owen (Myanmar Host): apparnelty gage told the vl upon arrival that the alliance of u me and logan is "taking over the game" :~) oh we did that huh

And I really almost voted Owen out tonight. If this is a real thing....

ALRIGHT serious update time. Chronologically since the reward:

(-) Both my tribes won. Hell yeah. And thank god Steffen is only around on one tribe, because PHEW. (-) Neither adventure led to anything good, and one actually led to a disadvantage which I immediately shared with my tribes. I'm curious as to how I could be disadvantaged on a list comp. (-) The good news is that between MJ and myself, we've officially concluded that Mars is tapped out. There's nothing left there unless taking a different pair of sunglasses at the start gives something different, and I'm not convinced. (-) Carson and I collaborated as well, as did Steffen and I. Both went to Mercury and guessed at SPF numbers. This is going to be so much random guesswork and process of elimination. I'll be impressed if it's gone any time soon. (-) Like an IDIOT, I totally spaced on telling Kait and she wasted her adventure going to Mars. Dammit. I need to get better at looping her in on things. (-) I called with Lydia yesterday just to soothe her nerves before the vote. We talked politics and board games and it was a super chill and mellow call. One thing we didn't especially discuss is game, and I think it did both of us some good. Turned out her fears were totally unfounded too, which is great. (-) RIP Gage? It's a shame because I like the dude quite a bit, but it's not like we spoke very much. (-) Everyone going to tribal again two rounds after the first is too stressful. Eep. (-) As soon as that came out, Matt came to me saying he knows I'm his target. Which... is a weird way to play that. Why tackle me in an immediately aggressive tone rather than try and continue construction on the half-built bridge? (-) Anyway, he goes on to tell me that this game is all about cliques and it's not meant to be 'Friendvivor.' Super clever. I'm not sure it's about cliques so much as it is about who works well with each other. If it were that simple, Lydia and Kait probably would have taken a million shots at each other by now. (-) But... he made a point about Jakey being the obvious target and about how it wouldn't be in my best interests to get Matt out. He makes a lot of sense. Matt's not gunning for me. It makes more sense for MJ to keep Jake than it does for me, and that's why MJ is the one pushing the Matt idea. Hm. (-) I'm worried for Ruthie on Andaman. She seems like the obvious round-delayed revolving-door boot. I don't like it, but I mean... who else am I going to vote? Not Steffen. As wishy washy as he is, he doesn't seem inclined to vote me out any time soon. And he's super pleasant to talk with when he's not hemming and hawing. Not Lydia or Jack for obvious reasons. Not Kait because duh. Not Carson because he's proven to be an even better ally than I'd anticipated. Ruthie fits into the Steffen category quite a bit, but she also wanted to keep Jake last round. And I know she's against Wes and MJ and Kait, three people who are in my corner. (-) Ugh. I don't like booting Ruthie again. She's the kind of person I'd love to see win if I couldn't. But strategically, our games have been at odds since the Wes vote. I'm trying to find a reason why it makes sense for me to keep her, and the only reasons that come up are applicable to everyone else on the tribe. Friendly. Fun to have around. Not likely targeting me any time soon (?). So I'm not gonna be the one to throw out the name. I need to bide my time and wait until it's beneficial for me to say a name again. Right now, I'm best served to keep my hopes up high, head down low. (-) God, imagine ANOTHER "lol we wouldn't send every tribe to tribal Ryan's not that evil! BUYBACK COMP!" bit. I'd die. (-) Super bummed to read about the VL leaks this morning. Who really wins from affecting the integrity of the game like that? There's plenty of information to process within the game without making the conscious decision to go outside it to gather more.

tl;dr: I like people, I'm dumb for not sharing adventure clues with my close ally, calling with Lydia is fun, targets are Jakey on Thotse and Ruthie on Andaman. Time to go to work.

Oh, and this list comp has always and will always suck mega donkey balls.

I said Thotse. I meant Kabru. Old habits die hard. #megara tribe is still best tribe

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I AM KAIT ON HER OTHER TRIBE HAVING SO MANY FINAL 2 DEALS THAT SHE COULDN'T SUBMIT A LIST! I HOPE THEY SEND HER PACKING, I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T RANK HER LAST HOW STUPID AM I? 

Kait I love you, I really do but I am going to be so salty if I get out before you. <3

Pat is my favorite thing about this game. 

as nice as it is to float, my name is bound to come up, and it has, from what pat tells me.

most likely, its ruthie going home on andaman, but i REALLY dont want that because she doesnt deserve it and i already feel bad for voting her.

also me and ruthie are just raging about how cliquey this season is

i feel like im about to Get Got™

I'm trying to make Andaman feel paranoid by telling them all to vote for me.  HOPEFULLY this will work and they will think I have an idol and my life will be spared.  This is either really genius or really stupid but I can't wait to see it all play out!  

Pat is legit my favorite person on Andaman though and I'm more than likely going to be voting him out so... we'll see. I'll probably be down to one life but I love little miracles <3

I really want to trust Jimmy/Jenn for this next vote but I'm awful nervous. I'm kinda half tempted to pull out the idol just to direct votes off me in case Owen has an idol. Apparently Jenn spoke with him to tell him he's leaving in game B which sucks because now if he has an idol he'd most likely play it in game A, which would send me home if he votes me, unless he'd like to revenge boot Jenn. I'm scared yet again that my time has come. I don't think Jimmy would lie to me though, but maybe I should push to shift the votes towards Logan should an idol appear...

also it looks like Matt will be "leaving" but I think he has sourced an idol which is great! Rooting for him all the way. 

[1/27/17, 8:54:15 PM] Ruthie: Who should I vote for on Andaman, why is no one suggesting names? D: [1/27/17, 8:55:24 PM] carson (tibet host): Idk people probably think you have an idol when you say to vote you so theyre scared sdjlsjkd [1/27/17, 8:58:06 PM] Ruthie: LOL I wish I had an idol. [1/27/17, 8:58:26 PM] Ruthie: Everyone is still voting for me right?

ESSSSSSSS.  The fact that this may work? Yes. <3 

i have a REALLY bad feeling about this tribal, and honestly, im just hoping i stay in both games.

if matt votes me like ruthie is saying and then plays an idol, im fucked. SO! i might throw a vote somewhere, who knows.

Hmm.