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mollydollyjournals · 3 years

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Everything feels so quiet again. I hate this about being nocturnal. At least during the day more people are around and online and I might have a little interaction. I wonder if I'll ever get my body clock to function on a 24hr schedule. Even as a child and teenager I've always had sleeping problems though. My body clock has always fought against regular timing. I definitely find it easiest when I'm actually excited to get up for something in particular, but that's not all there is to it. Besides that feels like a tall ask right now.

I've been crying a lot recently. I dont usually cry that much at all but the past month maybe, in increasing frequency, and the majority of the past few days, I'm always on the verge of or in tears. I'm on so much prozac I can sometimes feel it pushing me to just smile through it and do something, but I think my mind wins over it when it sees that my 5 minutes of positivity didnt bring luck like everyone says it will. I'm tempted to lower my dose just so I can at least be consistently sad. Part of me hopes I'd get bad enough to SH and do more noticeable stuff so someone will realise how I feel, but part of me knows that's not how itll work and I'll just do those things and feel even worse because I'm still by myself. Most of me feels guilty because that's the dramatic stereotype and nobody likes an attention seeker, but most of me also knows it's not socially acceptable to directly ask for help and support. The times I've said a thing about how bad I feel, very obviously in need of support, i havent got it. So if i did something more, i still wouldnt get it, but I'd just be bothering people even more by letting them see. But then maybe I'd actually get the balls to just end it properly and get it over with. But I also know I'm not someone who'd do something so final without exhausting all options first, which means I'd also say that more directly, and then the same issue applies.

I'm so sick of feeling like this. I feel like such a waste of space and it's the same problem where I need x to do y but I need y to get z and I need z to get x. Whenever I try to force myself to break that cycle alone, I burn out. I feel worse for the fact that I'm doing it alone. I feel like theres no point in achieving any of it if I'm still alone. I did so much growing up by myself and doing way too much and all it got me was a bit more time alive so I could watch everyone else actually live and realise how cut off i was. Last time i had a major breakdown i came out of it over time but i felt worse afterwards than before because of the fact that I'd had to deal with it alone. I felt resentful of all the people who saw me say outright on my social media 'I feel really terrible and I need support/dont think I can deal with this alone/etc' and either said nothing or just briefly acknowledged it then continued on. I didnt really get over it, I just stopped in the same way a baby learns to stop crying eventually if nobody comes. So i came out of the breakdown with the resentful and anxious feeling that i cant really rely on anyone and am truly alone.

Now I'm so much more sensitive. Of course I'm more sensitive. I'm scared this is more permanent mental shit that I wont be able to get rid of. I cant stay like this forever. I never used to be this bad. But I had some outlets at least, and some hope that it might be different at some point. Now it feels like I'm just so worn out and I need to rest and be protected but the longer I go without it the more I need and the more impossible it gets and then I feel like theres no point in trying because theres no way to fix the cycle. Not without some anime-level miracle.

All I can do is drink and hope I get distracted by something else for a while. Hope I get chatty and confident enough to send the first messages and make the first posts, hope the audience happens to be responsive. Hope I come up with some kind of idea that'll keep me busy and entertained.

There was a day a few months ago where I drank a lot over the course of a day, and I started getting really bad palpitations where my heart was stopping for a few seconds at a time and restarting painfully. It especially stopped whenever I lay down and kept still, ie when I was trying to sleep. I thought I was probably going to die in the night so I wrote out a little note on my phone just in case. But I was kind of happy about it. For whatever reason, a few friends had been online and we'd all talked a lot, and I'd had things to do, and we talked about what we were doing throughout that day, and we all screwed around and shitposted, and it was just nice. It didnt feel so much like quarantine as just long distance friends and I felt like if that was gonna be my last day then so be it.

Of course, I didnt die. It turned out my meds needed adjusting so I did that and the palpitations lessened. I kind of wish I did just die. I guess it's morose. But it would have taken the guesswork and worrying out of all this. I'm just so tired. Its not that I dont want to get better and enjoy life. I just dont know if I can. I dont know if theres too much damage been done. I was already a difficult case before the pandemic but it's really fucked me over a lot and brought up a lot of old and new insecurities and I dont know if I'm really able to make the transition to something normal and okay.

My heart palpitations are bad again right now. Today it's because of restricting food. Theres some kind of weak heart trait in my family so I've always had the occasional palpitation, but they get bad sometimes. It's not painful right now, just weak. If I breathe too deeply it loses rhythm. I keep beginning to hyperventilate from anxiety and my heart gets irregular and weird. Of course as I say that I get some pain.

I dont feel like I can eat more though. I did have a meal for dinner. Low calorie, but a meal. So my calories for today weren't super low. One thing that's always consistent about my thing with food etc is the control element. That when everything is bad, I need something to go my way, and this is all I can do. I dont know.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Probably not. But I really want to. I really need to. It only takes small things, small distractions to keep me going. If I can just survive long enough to keep at some things to change my situation, maybe I can get out of this. But if I crack, I drink and binge and do other things that make me feel worse. I dont know. I'm trying to drag myself along but I guess it doesn't look like I'm doing anything at all.

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wincore · 4 years

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IT GETS BETTER WHEN I QUIT (╥_╥) until then i’ll just try my best 2 survive

“are you daring me to ruin my life for 2d men” yes 100% that’s exactly what i am saying. U GETTING 2D MEN BRAINROT... >>>>> ill seriously be waiting for the day 😌😌 atsumu is incredibly irritating u will love him. im going to manifest hq tiktok edits showing up in ur fyp JDJWJSJJ

OMGG i never watched coffee&vanilla but now i know not to so thank u LOL i can’t handle watching cringey dramas!! IM SO EXCITED FOR S2 TOO!! i’m not even a horror fan generally but the storyline was so different and mysterious i was hooked!! should i read the manga?? :o how diff would u say it was from the netflix adaptation?

NOO ME TOO!! watching a whole series takes so much brain power and attention 😭😭 esp when starting something new, sometimes i just don’t have the energy to learn abt new characters/a new world

I LOVE THE PREVIEW IM SO SO EXCITED!! “she wins mostly dw” WHEW!! we cannot have jaehyun winning this we can agree on 😫. LMFAOO WHEN I SAW DONGMIN I WAS LIKE :oooo No way.... no way.. that would hurt so bad for me 🙄🙄 perfect man is ur soulmate and u wont even end up together... goodbye.. (ok jaehyun u r ok as well i guess)

YES I REREAD 19K HDJWJJD IT WAS A POST-FINALS TREAT & U ARE AN ACTUAL AUTHOR!!!! also now im rlly curious abt what runway-taeyong’s yn will be like?!? esp in comparison to runway yn!!! give me crumbs pls

“i cannot picture him pissed off apart from that summer fight </3” STOPPPQJDJ ME TOO??? i think e2l with mark is impossible truly... it just doesnt make sense

“i love this characterization of him!!” IM SO GLAD LOL I WASNT SURE ABT MY WORDING!! sicheng rlly is perfect for these kinds of roles & im PUMPED for ceo sicheng for this very reason 👀👀

U HAD ME AT THEME SONG SINCERITY IS SCARY WTFFF!! “i don’t think i’m cut out to write that” i respect ur decision BUT im sure u are capable!!!! when u feel ready i will b here waiting bc i am in luv with just the vaguest concept of this piece! “so him having strong personality traits makes me go 🤔🤔 that man is overreacting” LMFAOOO NOT EVEN JK I AGREE... its disorienting to see him written as intense/broody when most of the time he’s just kinda has one main mode which is 🙂

YESSS FIC WISE BC OF U!!! im in the same boat abt it not working irl, i think if i had beef with a man i would just never interact with them ever again.... no man is worth the time... we are not gonna beef it out we will just cease to know each other. BUT YES BOTH TROPES WORK BETTER IN FIC LMFAO i love the #pining #hurt/comfort #angsttofluff HSJWJSJ

YESS THATS WHY UR VAMP FIC WAS SO REFRESHING!! BC IT WAS DIFFERENT!! if we simply stop pretending bites r enjoyable i think we can begin 2 reverse the damage that media has done to vampire aus

omg that’s a lot of things to do!! PLS MAKE SURE TO GET ENOUGH REST & EAT WELL TOO!! take care of yourself 🤍🤍🤍

- tata

i just started watching jujutsu kaisen and i might just ruin my life for 2d men once again <3 i feel like i wil have a whirlwind obsessive phase like my 15 year old self again goodbye (also. pls. this atsumu character is appealing to me way too much for someone with god level standards for irl men. every time a 2d man is annoying i go 😍💍👰💒 loml) ALSO OK WTF HOW DID YOU PREDICT THAT I’VE BEEN GETTING A LOT OF HQ TIKTOKS IN MY FYP LATELY LIKE I SCROLLED THROUGH 8 CONSECUTIVE ONES 😭😭😭 TATA DID YOU HIJACK MY FYP

sdjgdjs i’ve only ever watched cringe dramas if the man is good looking (but like only clips in this case) or i need to make fun of it with my friends . i like to indulge in horror when i’m anxious bc it somehow makes it better like 😭 at least i have it better than THOSE guys lmfao <3 but also i don’t like heavy gore ahaha.

some parts of the aib live action i liked WAY better especially bc the actors did so incredibly well portraying the characters (and the 7 of hearts game... bye i took so long coming to terms with it it’s WAY more emotional in the live) and i liked the first game (different in the manga) way more in the live. as for the manga i HATE the ending but also the manga introduces side characters and their stories and i really like that about it! the whole tunnel distance game was actually a side story in the manga and i kind of don’t like them centering the plot too much around arisu (but .. also.. it’s yamazaki kento... and i like that man too much for my dignity..) and also.... i don’t like how they left niragi and aguni’s status undisclosed like that??? like [LIGHT MANGA SPOILERS] they play a very key role in the manga so ?!?! i just hope s2 turns out well netflix i am begging u

ANDSDHSKDJDSL PLS I AM SO SORRY but dongmin is in love with another woman 😔 maybe in some other life. jaehyun is out there being a himbo though so choose carefully what you wish for 🤩 every time jaehyun wins i got mad at myself like no way pilsbury dough boy is winning against miss i know everything

SDHSJD so far lookbook-yn is way more confident and assertive than runway-yn but more in a.. himbo-like way LOL if that makes sense. runway-yn was kind of self conscious and fueled by passion and the need to stand out in their field of work but this yn is more comedic i think lol!! she’s kind of critical and clever in her own way but also she will confidently tell u the wrong directions to the nearest grocery store if u ask bc she thought she knew </3

SDFJGDSJ IT LITERALLY STARTED AS ME DAYDREAMING TO SINCERITY IS SCARY <3 i don’t even have a title yet 🤧 i feel like im favouring this bread man too much but it’s fun to characterize him so <33 i would love for him to be heartbroken and bitter for once 😌 “most of the time he’s just kinda has one main mode which is 🙂” that emoji TOOK ME OUT DSJKDHSD it’s literally him??

men r literally never worth the time </3 either be a lovable himbo or go away 😐 WAIT BC OF ME??? IM STILSLDSHDSKHKDSLJDS ily ❣🌼🌙

why would they make bites to be some sort of sensual thing like literally any other animal biting us for blood would be either horrifying (demon) or just annoying (mosquitoes)

you take care of yourself too!!!!!! hope your job loosens a bit on you and you excel in academics enough to not worry about it 😌 eat well sleep well ily ❤

#tata 💖#anon #answered

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sugakookielix · 4 years

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Hello. Can I please be shipped with a bts member? I am a 5’6 Filipina. I am introverted which means that whenever I am around people I get tired easily. Although when I’m with new people I try to be friendly and socialize but I end up feeling awkward and anxious. With my friends I’m not as crazy as they are but I’m more at ease. I’m pretty chill, quiet, and down to earth but I say and do some weird stuff from time to time. A few of my likes include watching movies, reading books, listening to music, video editing, singing, acting, and sewing. A few of my dislikes include going out, socializing, studying, unnecessary drama, and stupid people (like ignorant and close minded people who fail to educate themselves on the most basic stuff they annoy me so much). My style is pretty basic. I wear graphic tees with jeans and converse most of the time. If I need to wear a jacket I wear one with inside pockets to hold my things because I’m not a fan of purses. My ideal date would be a day at an amusement park and trying out as many rides and games as possible and eating as much as possible. In my group of friends I would be the designated driver when we go out to drink cuz I don’t really enjoy alcohol. I am very clumsy and I trip, fall and break things from time to time and sometimes even hurt myself in the process. I don’t get scared easily so I enjoy watching a lot of horror films and can handle gore pretty well. Although there are time when I get startled but just my shadow or when a person walks in front of me so idk what to make of that. I’m pretty independent and like to do stuff on my own or try to figure something out on my own. I’m don’t really open up to people especially my friends or family. Like if I am not okay or if something is wrong I don’t say anything to anyone and keep it to myself cuz I have trouble trusting people no matter how close they are to me. I sometimes have trouble expressing how I really feel and my reactions to good news can come off as sarcastic when I don’t mean to be. I said I hate going out but at the same time I like to walk around my neighborhood and the park when the whether is nice or sometimes just take a night drive around the area with no ideal destination and just play music. Oml I just realized I long I made this request I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize how much I was typing. Anyways thank you and hope you have a nice day

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Requested by message, requester has chosen to remain anonymous

Who I ship you with:

Yoongi would really enjoy your more introverted and down to earth side. He is quite introverted himself so he would enjoy having a partner who was more calm and mellow. You two prefer to spend your time together in the privacy of your home or his studio rather than going out. There may be times he may want to to accompany him out though if it was an event like an award show but he wouldn’t force you to come knowing you dislike social situations. He would enjoy having you around while he works on new songs so he could have your input. He may even ask you to help him or appear on a track in the background if you are willing to do it. He wouldn’t mind that you are more independent and it made the times the two of you have to be away from each other for promotions easier. However, he does still enjoy attention and would probably feel a bit lonely if you were too distant from him. He is someone who doesn’t have the easiest time with words so the time you spend together and affection is his way of showing he cares. His reaction to you being clumsy would likely depend on his mood. If you were okay and nothing important broke he would probably find it cute. However there could be times he may get worried about you or a bit irritated if something breaks. Yoongi does his best to understand you and let you know that you can trust and be open with him but wont force it. He would also expect the same from you when he was in a bad mood. Since neither of you open up easily things can get a bit rocky at times but he still tries his best to understand and be open minded. Your relationship is very mutual and based more on understanding each other than anything else.

His favorite things about you: Your quiet personality, your clumsiness (when you don’t get hurt), your shared like for music

First date: Yoongi really doesn’t like going out much if he can help it, but if you really wanted to do something like an amusement park then he would. He wants to make a good impression and do something you enjoy so he would be willing to step out of his comfort zone. You may hear some mock complaining from him at first but over time he would actually open up and start to enjoy himself a bit more.

Mini Scenario:

The sun was shining down on you as you made your way to the line for another ride. In one hand you held a small plushie you managed to win at one of the games, the other hand in your pocket. Behind you, Yoongi was following a bit slower and mumbling something about how hot it was as he squinted to see. You turned to face him and rolled your eyes at how dramatic he was being just for the fun of it. Sure it was bright, but it wasn’t even that hot so you weren’t sure why he was whining.

“Yoongi hush, you’ve been complaining the whole time and it isn’t even that hot!” you scolded when he finally stood beside you. His arms were crossed and he looked down at you with a mix between a glare and another expression you couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“It’s hotter than being inside,” he mumbled after a minute. You couldn’t help but scoff at that.

“If you wanted to stay inside you could have just said that you know instead of complaining the whole time.” That caused Yoongi to be quiet and he lowered his head a bit in surrender. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to come here with you, he just would have preferred a more calm and relaxing date instead. Still, he didn’t actually mean any of his complaints and was just joking. Though if you thought he was being serious then he would stop so he didn’t ruin the date for you. You quickly noticed that he had gone silent and sighed, “I didn’t mean it like that Yoongi, just relax and I am sure you’ll have fun. We’ll stay inside next time okay?” He smiled softly and nodded, which caused you to smile as well.

It didn’t take too long for you guys to get to the front of the line since there weren’t too many people at the park currently. You both had taken off on a week day so that you would be able to avoid the usual crowds that came during the evenings and weekends. As you got closer to getting on the ride, you both found yourself looking up at it, watching as it took off with other riders in anticipation. Yoongi wasn’t too scared of thrill rides, and he found he actually enjoyed most of the ones he had been on, but seeing them up close could still be a bit intimidating at times. Especially when you were being strapped into the car and waiting for it to launch.

By the time you guys were ready to leave, you had actually managed to get on all but one of the rides. You had also managed to win a few more things at some of the games so you weren’t going home empty handed either. Yoongi was also carrying a plushie that you decided to give to him so he would have a physical memory of the date as well. The way he flushed when you had given it to him was extremely endearing.

“See, that wasn’t so bad was it?” you asked as the two of you walked to the exit. Yoongi merely shrugged at first, but gave in when he saw the look you were giving him.

“Alright yes that was kind of fun,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck shyly. You rolled your eyes but accepted that his response was the best you would be getting out of him.

“Since you clearly suffered so much on this date,” you said sarcastically, “we’ll stay home and watch movies next week alright?” Eagerly, he smiled and nodded as the two of you said your goodbyes and parted ways, looking forward to the next week.

Hope you like it! Ship requests are OPEN! Please check here before sending a request and please specify which one you want!

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oikiwitooru · 5 years

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➳ 𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 - tanjirō x reader

"Tanjirō, Aoi has told me to give you your clothes. I'll just left them here." the girl points out to the said boy, before putting the clothes down alongside his other two companions. The trio was taking a bath in the Butterfly estate after their successful mission. The girl however, being a demon slayer herself isn't allowed to partake in any missions yet since she was currently injured from her last one. As disappointing as that is,

"Ah- thank you (y/n)!" the voice of the cheery male rang inside the huge bathroom hidden behind the paper walls separating her from them.

She had met them in the Natagumo mountain where she was also given the same tasks as other disappearing demon slayers had. She can't deny the fact that she was terrified, many of her co-slayers, even friends didn't return after their quest. She was slightly anxious she won't also return back.

But apparently, she had a strong will and determination which a trait everyone admires from her, she isn't that strong, nor too weak either. as a Tsuchinoto she was belittled by her relatives. Apparently her family has been appointing slayers upon slayers for generations now, and all of them achieved the Kinoto even the Kinoe rank after 2-3 years of being a member.

The girl however was a part of the organization for almost 3 years now, but she had never not even once promoted from her Tsuchinoto rank. Now that she's 15 years old the thought was really suffocating her, to the point of hating herself for not being good enough.

But the certain red hair boy had managed to see right through that and comforted her in a way she wouldn't expect someone who just met her, would.

"It's not how strong, how powerful you are. But how much you could contribute to assure the success of something."

it was refreshing to hear those words come from someone else's mouth rather than the usual words that pierce her like sharp knives.

seeing his genuine smile, his caring nature, his kindness in general just gives her this ray of hope, this blissful feeling she'll never know she needed.

She couldn't even believe that someone like him actually exist in this cruel world. his overall existence seems like a dream inside the dream itself. It hurts her how kind this boy can get despite all the hardships and pain he's been through at such young age. She couldn't bear to even think about how much he had endure at this point. The thought simply pains her.

She prepared to walk out of the room when she caught the familiar pair of hanafuda make-shift earrings resting against a clean towel. The glassy exterior of the cards wont go unnoticed against the warm light of the room. Inspecting even closer, they look pretty worn out, like it was passed down per generations. The thought intrigues her. It must be really important for the burgundy-haired male.

She was walking down the open hall, ready to take a good nap after her much needed bath, when she came across Tanjirō who just happens to finish his bath and is currently drying his hair using a spare towel in hand. He's clad in white robes and his hair which was usually slicked back was down, gently tickling his eyebrows and barely covering his iconic scar.

"Ah, (y/n)... You're still awake?" he asks walking even closer to acknowledge her before giving her a polite smile.

She managed a small nod in return, too distracted at the way how the male looks different with a different hair style to the point that it made her cheeks heat up in a flustered manner.

"The night's colder than usual. Glad there's a hot spring nearby." Tanjirou opened up, chuckling as he slowly roll up the used towel in his hands, his eyes looking up towards the sky dusted with ivory stars, providing a serene atmosphere.

He inhaled before turning his head to gaze back at her.

"I'm actually looking forward to work with you on missions though.." he admitted, a smile never leaving his face.

her heart warmed up at the thought that Tanjirō felt the same way, she couldn't even be more grateful. "I was thinking about that too actually." She admitted back in return, fidgeting with her hands in sudden nervousness.

The male hummed in response, inhaling the cold evening air before letting out a tinkling of laughter that made her confused.

"Why?"

He shook his head slightly, before turning to look back at her again,

"it's just that... your smell.."

at this, her whole face went red with embarrassment. "Wh-what do you mean by that?" She knows about Tanjirō's keen sense of smell, both in a sense that it made her somehow weary of the boy. She almost felt the need to smell herself in case she somehow smelt bad even though she just finished taking a warm bath.

However the burgundy-haired male only laugh heartily at this, finding her reaction amusing.

"d-do I smell bad?" she felt the need to ask.

"N-No, that's now what I meant." he reasoned out in between his gentle chuckling which droves the poor girl even more flustered than ever.

After a while he finally calmed down, releasing a small sigh before finally turning back to look back at her, his eyes held genuine sincerity which (y/n) always finds compelling.

"it's just that... now that you just took a bath-your smell still lingers in the air. It won't go unnoticed." he points out,

"was it a bad thing?"

he laughed, "no, no. it isn't. This isn't any new actually, I've always encountered this numerous times before..." he explained, sighing gently before rubbing a palm against his nape.

"But, I was impressed that among all the other scent here, yours stood out the most... Don't get me wrong," he smiled "It's a comforting scent, it reminds me of so many things, like the first bloom of flowers on spring field, lavenders. Even the warmth of morning sunshine... It's a very distinct scent... almost like home..I like it." his eyes held a distant gleam in them as he spoke ever so casually.

If it's possible to grew even more redder, she'll probably be as red as a ripe tomato.

"..r-really..?"

"hmm."

"Ah! by the way..."

Amidst her flustered mess, the male however, was still oblivious about it. He took something from the small bag he was holding, as he fished it out, it was his pair of earrings.

He turn to her with a big smile, "turns out I have to put them on again before I go to sleep..."

"Can you help me?"

without any hesitation, she immediately obliged.

The male gave both the pair before scooting even closer, instantly making her poor heart thump uncontrollably from her chest.

The closeness isn't helping, she felt like she'll faint.

Why did this boy even had this kind of effect on her?

She gently use her thumb and index finger to lift up his earlobe slightly in order to insert the small stem, before finally securing it with the clasp that comes with it. It was pretty much easy, but her slightly shaking fingers isn't making things any better.

"The right one is finished." she claimed, before moving onto the opposite side to do the other ear.

The male however was uncharacteristically silent, she peered over slightly to take a look. And she noticed how his face scrunched up slightly to show uneasiness.

With this she instantly grew worried, "Did I hurt you?" she asks, panic was etched across her face at the thought of hurting the boy.

But the male immediately shook his head no, denying her thoughts. "n-no, it's not like that..." he reasoned, a slight chuckle leaving his lips.

"t-then.."

"Apparently, I never had anyone put these on me aside from the first time I bear this... I always put it my own after I took baths." he explained even further.

"But now that I experience it with someone else's help... I realized how ticklish I was when they put it on me back then...and I still does as of now." he admitted, an embarrassed hue etched itself across his cheeks, mirroring the girl's.

"well... do you want me to continue putting the other one? Or you'll do it instead?"

"No, it's okay. I didn't mean to offend you in any way. It's alright." he assured her, giving her a gentle smile in return.

She proceeds to done the same to his other ear, even though she can feel the male tensed up slightly from the slightest of her touch.

"It's finished."

Tanjirō released a sigh of relief before turning to look at her once again, beaming a huge smile.

"Thanks for the help, (y/n)! I really appreciate it."

"No problem."

"Now we should head to our quarters now. It's getting late, and you need your much needed rest of course!" Tanjirō reminded, putting his hands against his hips to further deepen his point.

she laughed slightly at this before agreeing with the boy. "Yes, I will sleep well. "

"Well then, good night (y/n)!"

"you too." he bids her goodbye with a smile etched across his lips as he sauntered off to his room.

what an adorable boy.

#kimetsu no yaiba #demonslayer #tanjirokamado #tanjiro #gamabokosquad #kny #kimetsunoyaiba #gonpachirokamaboko #vanillashakelle #xreader #reader

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banghyung · 6 years

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happy (f)

word count - 1.5k

warnings - fluff, tsundere!sunwoo

member - Sunwoo of The Boyz

request - “can u do a tsundere sunwoo fluff where the shy reader and him both wont admit they like eachother and in the end they kiss or something idk asdfgkl i love ur work and love cliche anime shit oof”

a/n - ahhhh thank you so much! I thought this would be a good scenario to try a new style, I hope you like it! :D

sunwoo?

yeah, you know sunwoo

everyone knows sunwoo

most know him as that hot guy that walks around school with a resting bitch face

you know him as that hot guy that sulks in the corner of music comp

what you don’t know is that he’s actually the softest bean

he had to bribe his friends with a month’s worth of food so that they wouldn’t blow his cover

“I just wanna be edgy foR ONCE”

“Sunwoo you cry watching romance movies”

“and when you see cute pictures of animals”

“and-”

“THE WHOLE SCHOOL DOESN’T NEED TO KNOW THAT”

hyunjae and eric still laugh when they see him walk through the halls like he owns the place

sunwoo, ya know the hardass that he is, oftentimes comes home and guSHES over you

“hYUNGs Y/N was wearing the cutest outfit today I walked into class and almost started yelling”

“you mean like you’re yelling now?”

“shut up eric no one asked you”

despite how much you made him melt inside

he always kept up his dark, mysterious persona

and no matter how hot you thought he was

you were always too shy to talk to him

besides he has the whole school drooling after him, why would your attention in particular be anything special

you stopped any feelings from growing for that reason

until

you’re walking home after getting off work late one night when you hear a familiar voice coming from an alley

“come here kitty kitty, i just want to pet you”

out of sheer curiosity, you peeked your head into the alleyway

and who did you find?

none other than Mr. Edgy himself, Kim Sunwoo

“stop running away from me I just want tO LOVE YOU”

“Sunwoo?”

he whipped his head around, scaring the cat more and causing it to leave various gashes in sunwoo’s exposed arm before running away

“oh my god are you okay??” you ran up to him and held his arm gently in your hands as you looked at the various cuts

sunwoo, speechless, just kinda looked at you like :O

“wow it got you pretty good”

edgywoo finally came back to his senses and pulled his arm out of your grip

“yeah i’m !!! fine!!!”

you’ve never heard a more forced laugh in your entire life

“right,,,,,,,,,well i live close by why don’t you just come with me and I can clean your arm up because it’s bleeding pretty bad”

sunwoo, still staring at you only a little, only noticed the blood dripping down his arm after you said something

cue hardass!sunwoo jumping around in panic

“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IM BLEEDING WHAT THE FU-”

only calms down when you put your hands on his shoulders

“come on”

you grab his hand and start pulling him in the direction of where you live

sunwoo just trailed along, his jaw practically dragging on the ground as he looked down at your hand holding his

he was speechless the entire walk to your apartment

even after you let go of his hand

he tried to pull himself together

but for some reason his heart was beating really fast and his mouth was dry???

you chalk it up to he’s in shock because he obviously doesn’t know how to handle the sight of blood

so when you reach your door and he still hasn’t said a word, you’re worried he’s about to pass out

you pull him into the apartment and quickly push him into the bathroom

the entire time you’re scolding yourself because you were supposed to clean yesterday after class

but instead you took a nap

and NOW look

there was a hot guy in your apartment

along with the 2 weeks worth of clutter that you put off because of studying

anyways,,

you closed the toilet and sat him down, grabbing your first aid kit from under the sink

as you start to clean up his arm you attempt to make small talk to keep your mind from hanging on the fact that THE hottest boy on earth was currently in your bathroom

“so why exactly did you think that chasing a stray cat was a good idea?”

he sucked in a breath harshly as your cloth ran over the wound

“i just,,,,,,wanted to pet it”

you nodded in understanding as you finished cleaning his arm

“there, all done.”

you both stood up and you walked him towards the door, sunwoo finally being able to think clearly enough to once again to resume his edgy persona

“i guess i’ll see you monday then” you said as he walked out of your apartment

he nodded before muttering a soft “thanks” and walking off

leaving you with a heart doing backflips and the sudden urge to clean your apartment from top to bottom

as the weekend passed you grew more and more anxious for monday

what were you supposed to do???

ignore him and pretend like nothing happened?

make a joke about possible rabies and risk getting hit??

???????

you settled on a happy medium

if sunwoo noticed your existence in any way - you would respond

if he didn’t - then it was just another school day

although, you were a little disappointed when you were walking out of music comp and he hadn’t even spared a glance in your direction

resigned to your fate, you realized that it was just another one-sided crush

and you forgot about it

until you were leaving work late once again

and stumbled across a stray sunwoo hovering awkwardly in the same alley way that had brought you together before

“are you looking for that cat again?” you asked, catching him by surprise

“no. i was out walking and remembered this was about the time you got off work the other day and i didn’t want you to walk home by yourself”

you tried to control the incessant fluttering of your heart

but couldn’t help the blush that spread on your cheeks

you were just thankful that it was nighttime

“oh,,,,,uh thank you”

you walked home in silence once again, but you were grateful for the company

you hated walking alone in the dark

after you reached your apartment building you muttered a quick thank you to sunwoo before going to head inside

“wait”

at his words, you turned back around

“give me your phone number”

you looked at him in shock, your jaw dropping slightly as you fumbled around for your phone

you handed it to him so he could put his number in

your mouth was suddenly really dry for some reason and you couldn’t quite get words out

after he had put his number in and texted himself from your phone he handed it back

“text me whenever you have to work late, I’ll walk you home.”

and then he left

leaving you wheezing on the stairs

but this was the routine you fell into

sunwoo met you by the alley every night that you had to work late and walked you home

but he would still barely acknowledge your existence in school

you found comfort in this, though

and walking home with sunwoo became the highlight of your week

you were looking forward to it the entire time that you closed up at your job

finally yelling a “I’m heading out” to your boss after all of the work was done

walking out, you opened your phone to see that sunwoo had texted you

‘something came up. be safe walking home’

you sighed and shoved your phone in your pocket

disappointment crept its way up your throat as you thought about how stupid you were for catching feelings for a guy that was still so out of your league

tears were almost

ALMOST

about to spill as you reached your apartment building

you grabbed for the door handle as you heard someone yell your name from behind you

you turned around, seeing sunwoo run towards you

“Sunwoo?? what the hell are you doing???”

when he finally reached you he bent over, trying to catch his breath

“i’m sorry that i couldnt walk you home” he began after he finally regained control of his breathing

you looked down at your feet

“its okay-”

you were interrupted by sunwoo yelling “I like you a lot”

you looked up at him, dumbfounded

“you,,,,,,what?”

“i like you a lot. I have for a while, actually. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

you laughed in shock, causing sunwoo to look at you in amusement

“you,,, WHAT?” you laughed out

he stepped closer to you

“I like you. You’re the cutest person i’ve ever seen in my whole life. From the way your eyebrows scrunch when you concentrate in class to the way that you always stare at the sky like it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen when I walk you home, you make my heart do this really weird thing and at first I thought it was anxiety but my friend Sangyeon told me I was stupid and then I realized that its just because I like you, a lot.”

You stared at him, taken aback by his sudden confession.

“I like you too.”

“you,, what”

“We’re not doing this again-”

you were interrupted by sunwoo pressing his lips against yours

“You don’t know how happy that makes me,” he whispered against you

You smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him again.

“You don’t know how happy you make me.”

#mine #request #banghyung.txt #the boyz sunwoo #kim sunwoo #sunwoo imagines #the boyz imagines #kpop imagines #the boyz scenario #sunwoo fluff #the boyz fluff #kpop fluff #kpop tsundere

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autorobotcollectorx · 5 years

Text

Another Furby Fandom Issue

Hey everyone i want to address a few things and i have been holding out on doing this because i am just so sick of this hate and drama against me.I am going to discuss some personal happenings in my life since i don’t think there is any other way of defending myself unless i am %100 truthful on why these things happen.I’m going to address my sales first then the harassment.

TRIGGER WARNING : Talk about suicidal feelings and actions(no gory detail but implied) Mental Health,Child Abuse Neglect,Depression,Sexual abuse.

I am selling some furbies and at good prices at that because i want people who can’t afford furbies to have a chance of owning some.I have explained to people or atleast tried to explain why shipments are late or photos are as well.Here are some answers to questions and concerns people might have had.

Why is my shipment taking so long? Sometimes i ship next day and sometimes i cannot.This is due to my lack of mobility since i am not able to drive i don’t have a say in what time of day i do go out and by then the post office is closed.I also can’t spare the money to use uber because i don’t have a job and am unable to work. My fiance comes to see me everyday but he usually gets off at 8:00pm and by then all the post offices are closed.So usually we set up a day i can go out and ship the items.Please don’t forget about my shipping days i have no problem discussing that with you.A few people who also had delays were due to me being hospitalized(I made up other excuses because i did not want to put emotional baggage on these people)These amazing people were very kind to me and got their furbies shipped to then when i could.Due to my living conditions i get very depressed and yes suicidal and i had hurt myself that time pretty badly.I hurt myself allot in non physical ways but that time was different and i am driven to such feelings often.

There was also a problem i got with one of my costumers when he sent a payment and i was getting so many payments for furbies that i did not notice his until a week later when he contacted me asking if i had sent the furby yet.It really got me anxious that something like that slipped by me and i hope he has no hard feelings for that.Things like this also happen because allot does slip my mind when i am under allot of stress.

Does My Furby Work?Is It In Good Condition? If this question crosses your mind please ask for me to test the furby and to take outdoor photos i have no issue doing that.Please never be afraid to ask for a refund if the furby you got is not what you wanted upon arrival.No one has contacted me after but it seems like a person was not pleased with the quality of a furby they got from me?Yet they NEVER contacted me again so i assumed the transaction was a success.You have to remember furbies are over twenty years old and unless they are fresh out of the box most will not be in mint condition that is out of my control.The furby i sold i had named Dusty and was bought from a smokers home i just had not got around to washing him.

I Don’t Feel Comfortable Buying Using Friends And Family!! If this is the case please state that up front i have no issue taking payments threw goods and services.I have been scolded for it and now i am not accepting payments unless its threw goods and services from now on i did not realize i was causing an issue and i am sorry if i made anyone feel uneasy.I had paypal accounts in the past where the money was held for two weeks not even using ebay and this happened.I try to get furbs out to people as soon as i can and i sometimes worry that i will upset someone.

You Lie About What You Use The Money For This is the furthest from the truth!I have needed money for several different things at different times like everyone who makes money will do.Once i had it that i needed money for a con and why should that be a bad thing?I hardly go anywhere and cons don’t happen often for me.I am allowed to treat myself sometimes its none of you’re concern if i use my money to get a furby or a coffee even though most of my money goes to getting food for me and my animals.

I’m sorry if i have cause any issues to anyone nothing i have done was to spite anyone,anger anyone or to scam people.

IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHING TO ADD PLEASE PM ME AND I WILL ADDRESS IT!!

You REALLY wanna know why i need the money?!

Currently i am trying to save $500 or more to get out of a household that is toxic for me.Thats not much money to many but i am solely selling furbies because i have ran out of personal items that have value to sell.My living environment is currently living in a small room with hardly any space little to no air conditioning and called a slob because i am unable to clean the mess my parakeets make.They don’t have a vacuum and my parakeets eat these small seeds that when they fly around their cage the husks of the shells fly out of the cage and onto the carpet.This room is also full of my grandmothers items because they are hoarders (in their own words).As well as all the drama causing me to be so depressed that i have had no motivation to clean.I am misgendered on a daily basis and told “Oh but you are too pretty to be a boy” and more inappropriately comments on my female chest and body.Told to shave and how much better i would look as a girl.As well as told i am fat because i have stretch marks and how i need to eat less.I have PCOS and since i have lived here i have lost over fifty pounds because i usually (If i am lucky) eat once a day or twice.Things such as an avacado and a noodle pack.Thats why i am so stressed on money that and i need to keep my animals fed and healthy usually putting them before myself.

Since i have been living here my family has stolen $400 i made by selling an aibo that was special to me,my phone was stolen and one of my most therapeutic pets was taken,I was then told i killed him and gas lighted for about a month in a half about what i had done even though in reality my mother had stolen him from me.She was upset because i had made some friends and was out at the park with them.It was easy because i have no lock on my door or privacy.I ended up stealing him back and i had the cops called on me.My narcissistic mother and abusive step dad came over to defend my mom saying i stole their animal and since i was ftm the cops (which i already had issues with before because of my identity) had me hand over my snake and taken to a mental hospital.While demanding i hand my snake to my mom i started to cry and shake my snake was VERY underweight and sick looking and i was afraid for his safety.When my step dad saw me crying he started laughing at me loudly then whispered to my mother who was smiling over at me as well and saying out loud “I love you” to me.When i was trying to explain more to the cop he said “If you don’t give them back their snake i will arrest you” while he put his hand on his belt near the gun.(if you want to hear the story in more detail i can send you a link)

I have always been told since i was a child that i am an issue and that i am taking up space,now i am an adult and i am always made to feel like i am not welcomed anywhere i live and that i need to leave or will be kicked out.This is currently the case where i live and again i feel like i am a burden on everyone i associate with.If i am kicked out now i would have to live with a “friend” of mines again and have no choice but to let him use me again.This first time this happened when i was nineteen he was forty eight and had no wheres to go and i had no other option other then to go to him or rid myself so i wont cause anymore inconvenience.I come from a broken family and narcissistic parents so being an outcast is nothing i am not use to but still makes me want to hurt myself and hate myself more.I was always the black sheep,escape goat and nothing i did was good enough or mattered to my mother.The reason i am unable to drive is because of the physical abuse i faced as a child and denial of medical care after the fact.I just want to fit in and for people to like me.

Not to mention i have childhood schizophrenia and sometimes don’t respond correctly to people or situations.

I just wish i felt welcomed in a community for once.All i have going for me right now that helps me is the furby and furry fandom.Furbies make me calm and feel safe because they remind me of my childhood before my mother changed and before i lived with my abusive step dad.I know i may seem childish but i’m not sure what to tell you i am the way i am because of my upbringing and sometimes doing silly things,using ^^,uwu,ect collecting and carrying a furby with me when i am in public makes me just feel a little bit more okay.Just feels like everyone is working against me and wants me gone like everyone else has.

Please if anything please stop sending me asks such as “Please leave you are so toxic” “just reported you~” and others calling me an idiot,stupid,scammer,ect.This is not what i joined the fandom for and you should really be shamed for treating me like this over simple mistakes that i did not even mean to make.Can everyone just please leave me alone if you have nothing nice to say keep it to yourself.

I HATE that i have to talk about all of this but i just want to get away from my family and i wanted to start a new life offline and online with people who like the same things i do because i have never had that kind of acceptance in a community in my life.I want to be with my fiance and safe from myself and my family.I want to be a good person and be here for people and treat people right.Funny thing the things i have said are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my abuse and neglect i rather not spill everything.

I am sick of defending myself at every turn here is what happened if you missed it. https://autorobotcollectorx.tumblr.com/post/186489467324/i-saw-the-post-reblogged-from-autorobotcollectorx

Again PM me if you have a complaint instead of re-blogging this and causing me further stress i really can’t handle more right now. I might as well sell all my furbies and rid myself at thispoint.

Edit: 5am and still awake..well guess i wont be sleeping tonight either.I slept good last night but the night before i did not sleep either.I’m just a restless hungry mess.

#depression #suicidal #furby discourse #furby drama #ftm #transgender

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celestialallstars · 5 years

Text

Episode #1: “This cast, fuck me, fuck them.” - Rhys

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Ok so my pregame thoughts. It seems like there are a lot of contenders that were threats in their original seasons just based off of placements. I’m really gonna try to use this to my advantage because in my season, I don’t think I was very threatening. Unfortunately I’ll miss the cast reveal, but I’m hoping that doesn’t put me in a bad spot. This game is gonna be tough, but I know I can do it. At least make merge. You need small goals in order to achieve bigger ones. Cast assessment coming up next :)

Y'all I am ANXIOUS! I've had a bad run recently and for the most part I never really care that much. But if I flop on this season I'll die of sadness. Okay but for real, I want to do well this season and idk what kind of people I'm going to be up against, and I couldn't even get my intro to send like i'm such a joke. Ugh y'all how can I be this stressed already.

Just roughly 2 hours before we're gonna really dive into the thick of things. There are so many things I wanna say and so many things I'm just beyond excited about. I really think this is gonna be a Top Tier Season.

I'm vowing to make the most of my stay no matter how long or short. I'm gonna try to drive the pessimist in my mind away and do my best to avoid being that early boot just because I'm a previous winner. Y'all better watch out!

This is gonna be FuCkInG LiT!!!

Getting ready for this season, I'm honored tbh. I feel like it's my first fully-legit-no-strings-attached All-Stars appearance. I was on EMBB All-Stars, but only because I was an alternate for Jake and he decided to be a host instead. Being invited back on my merits exclusively feels amazing, I just hope I can live up to my own expectations in this game and take home the win.

Hi I’m super excited to be brought back to play this game. I’m gonna play maybe a little harder but I’m hoping to keep my gameplay very similar to last season cause it did me well I just need to not freak out. I’m really looking forward to seeing who I’m playing with and I know this season will be fun.

So. This cast, fuck me, fuck them. Like they all seem so much more capable than me. Like bitch bye.

My tribe honestly idk yet. They seem cool, haven’t talked to most of them yet. So I’ll get back on that.

The only person I’m not happy is cast is Michael. Bitch hated me for no reason last season. So bitch best watch his back cause I’m bringing this hatred back this season.

Also one world can fuck off

So I am meeting everyone and honestly so far this is a nice group. A mixture of old faces like Zach and Loris and new ones like everyone else! Everybody is radical, but I am gonna try and give it a short moment before giving an assessment. Having that said, im gonna get dragged and murdered by this cast....call the police.

Hi so the game has just started and I feel like already so much has happened it has been intense. This cast? stacked. One world? intense. Me? crying.

This entire cast is so iconic and so loved I honestly don't know how to feel rn I am scared as all hell but I'm ready to fight for my fucking life. I'm also quite glad for the one world because I love the idea of being able to socialise with EVERYONE since that's such a strong point of my game for me considering I'm horrific in challenges. I just really hope I can pull things off this season and actually have someone like me and prove that I am in fact worthy of an all star title.

Being on call with people from the one world chat is honestly so fun and I can tell this is going to be a great season and we're literally only like 2.5 hours in. I really wanna make it to the end so I can experience it in it's fully glory.

amazingly, i don't think me being an admin is going to be to a problem??? i wanna thank you three beauts for giving me a wonderful tribe. i love matt, bodhi's hilarious, alyssa intimidates me but she's cute and i love allying strong women, tobi forced me to keysmash, and mo and karthik are kind of blase but its ONLY NIGHT ONE. all in all, think i can survive on this tribe. just get me to merge baby i cannot go premerge in this org if annas not gonna play then I CANT LET US DOWN

So we've officially landed in this ORG, and immediately smacked in the face with a flaccid twist that is One World. So instead of trying to balance 6 relationships I have to balance 20. I'm of course already a mess trying to keep track of it all.

Bodhi and I already have an instant F2, we'll see how that works out given we aren't even on the same tribes. Meanwhile I'm already in love with Bryce as a person and trying to possible Corral all the winners together. Obviously we need to make sure the Winners make it to merge.

I think on my tribe specifically I'm probably getting along best with Mitch, I think Rhys has a similar sense of humor as me but he went to bed too early for me to figure out more. There's a ton more sweet people on the other tribes too I just don't have time to delve into all of them, nor do I have enough substance to any of them to develop opinions anyway.

I have an idea as far as connections go for this tribe but I'm not sure yet if it is strong. Loris is sleeping though I did talk with everyone else. I have a feeling Chloe/Zach would be safest but also that Chloe/Michael might be together. Regardless I think I'll be sticking with Zach if I can help that. Drew seems nice too and Sharky seems it too. Not sure how things will go but I do have to be smart since I would be the easy choice as winner if we lose. I'm gonna be optimistic about it all though :) as for the people on other tribes I'll get to them later. This is going to be fun!

________________________________________________________________

Now that I can see the actual twist (am dummy) I have to try and make some alliances between and in the tribes. I mean making one with the winners shouldn't be too hard but I am gonna want something with a few member here and there from each. I think things are about to get much difficult because I can tell lot of these people are more familiar with each other with their histories and I am just like "hi..." so I def need to wedge myself on in there some way..I've got my work cut out for me

HI ASDDASJKLASDLJK I was so nervous but like.. I feel my victory coming.. I'm pulling my weight in the challenge I think and our tribe's pretty cool!! It's all stars.. so like.. it's no surprise that I like everyone. Sharky seems to be busy so like.. if we lose that could be a good scapegoat.. ALSO?? i was on the blog and i was like wow jones' fairy drawing is so pretty.. so i hovered over it and accidentally clicked it.. and.. i found my legacy advantage again ADSALKDKLJASKLD. and anna said to make sure you search the blog to learn about people and i didnt even see that......... im so lucky :)

So this is so exciting. I’m trying to get to know everyone. Theres one person i was effy about on my tribe and that was Jared. But he’s been talking to me and been nice. But i still have my eyes 👀 on him. Its been nice catching up with Bryce. And been talking to Mitch Rhys and Kori. I hope i can get myself in a good social position where even if im not in their alliance, that im not someone they want to take out. But this time im gunna use my bonds to my advance and hopefully it gets me to the end.

Hi i don't really know what to say right now I just know I wanted to put down some thoughts. So far I'm so fucking in love with this entire cast I'm pretty sure I've spoken to every single person in one way or another which is great, I love to see people fully invested into a season they're playing. I also really love this first challenge, although scavenger hunts stress me the fuck out because i find so many items are so hard to find, I'm just hoping my tribe can pull out a win for us and I'm sure they will cause they're all so iconic and I love them all with my whole heart already.

So I've spoken more to people thusfar and like currently I'm speaking more to people I've spoken to before which like isn't great, because i hate relying on past relations. Like i am speaking to others who are new, its just a bit awkward. So lets push by that and hopefully they aint boring af.

Well so far I've gotten a few items on my list done. Progress is slow but steady. I'm a bit worried about this tribe given it seems like all of us being on at the same time might be unlikely. (That and we're halfway through and only 2 of us have added items to our list.)

I might just be too uptight though, we'll probably be fine. I haven't gotten to talk with people today as much as I wanted as a result of balancing the other ORG and this one as well as apartment hunting and scavenging. I'm beginning to think I planned poorly and have too much on my plate at the moment...

BUT I WILL PERSEVERE! YES SIR'RE I WILL!

CAST ASSESSMENT TIMEEEE Let me start with Orfero Chris- So chris is someone who I think can either go really far as an UTR threat like he did his first season, or be an early boot. I think him and I have a similar playstyle, but he is much more poetic and structured. I am really looking forward to play with him again! We dominated in afvv and im glad he won, but I won't let that happen again. He's too good. ioris- Honestly I see ioris as more of a goat. Maybe that's false perception, but I could easily see him latching onto someone for the long haul and not being respected later on. As of now, I don't think I would work with ioris, but if the situation arises, I wont hesitate. Drew H- OK I LOVE DREW FIRST OF ALL. I am actually SUPER excited that we are finally playing a game together. I really want to work with him, but unfortunately I think he is too threatening to the point where he wont make it far. Michael- Ok so this was definitely a wildcard. I think Michael is someone to watch out for. I don't know how he'll fair in this game, knowing that people recognize his gameplay. He could either go mid merge or permerge, but I dont think he has a shot at winning. Sharky- Sharky is someone I'm unfamilar with, and for that reason alone, I am guessing he makes it deep by flying UTR while winning challenges. Zach- Zach is another sneaky player. I really would love to work with him after our relationship in emvv4 where I voted him out at f10. He is definitely not someone to brush under the rug though, because he is also very threating. I predict a mid merge boot for Zach. Clohie- I personally don't see Clohie as much of a threat, but I hope she proves me wrong. We have had limited discussion, but I can tell she is here to play. I predict she will make FTC this time, but only time will tell

Alignments: For Orfero, I can see Chris ioris and Zach on one side, Michael Drew H and Sharky on the other with Clohie in the middle

Tuatha Kori- I've been itching to play an org with kori too and im glad we are on the same tribe because i know how well he can perform in challenges. He is probably my closest ally right now, so I really hope he gets far. My prediction is early merge for him. Rhys- Rhys seems so sweet. We havent had much conversation due to timezone issues, but I'd love to work with Rhys. He is super charming and I think he can go far! My prediction for rise is late merge. Maynor- Maynor is probably the person most difficult to talk to. I have discussed with Kori and he says that his weakest relationships are with Maynor and Jared, so i think its telling that maynor might be an early boot. Jared- I think jared is super cool and he's been a player I have to watch VERY carefully. I do see myself working with him because our convos have been good so far, but I feel like he can be a good talker. We'll see how it turns out but i predict Jared being a premerge boot. He claimed to be a crackhead in confessionals though so we'll see :). Stephen Z- Man i really wish I had better conversations with him!! I think he is super cool, but he does not seem to remember who I am. If our convos improve like I hope they will, I could see Stephen going early merge. Bryce- I really like bryce too but he is soooo unpredictable and sketchy. I think his cast reveal intro shed bad light on him to other players too, but I know from experience. I see bryce being a premerge boot, but I hope he proves me wrong. I just dont feel like I can fully trust him.

Alignments: For Tuatha, I see myself aligning closely with Kori and Jared. I dont know what the dynamics would be, but I feel like Maynor is already on the outs.

Cyrena Mo- I LOVE MO SO MUCH. What a gem. I met him in TS Montenegro and he considered me one of his closest allies and saved me from elimination at f9 only for me to vote him out at f8. I still feel bad but im hoping we can mend our relationship and go far together. I actually do think he could make a deep run and definitely get to finale by laying low. Tobi- Tobi and I in games USUALLY don't end up on the same sides. That being said, I'd love to work with Tobi and I hope he makes merge unlike in emvvas. Matt- Matt is another mystery for me. On one hand, I know he is not only a host favorite but a fan favorite as well, but on the other I dont really know what he brings to the table. Another wildcard for me that I see going early merge. Jack- Jack and I have a history for sure LOL. It feels like we play every game together. I think Jack is a super nice person, and I'd love to work with him again. We dont really mesh on a personal level which makes it difficult, but I learned my lesson of trying to avoid Jack in emvvas (he got me out) Bodhi- I've seen bodhi around a bit, and can be the hero or the villain. He is quirky in a good way. I see bodhi as being the comical relief that goes mid merge for being too likeable. Alyssa- honestly alyssa seems kind of annoying. I dont want to speak too soon but i dont get good vibes from her. I think she might be an early boot on her tribe. but i truly hope im wrong about her. Karthik- I know karthik from em and i really think he could make a loyal ally. His win was well deserved but i dont necessarily think he is a threat. My predicition for him is still prejury because of his timezone. It's unpredictable when he has power and when he doesnt.

Alignments: For Cyrena, I see Mo Alyssa Tobi in one alliance and Matt Jack and Bodhi in another with Karthik out of the loop.

I'm excited to see how accurate my predicition are! I didnt bother including a winner because i still think its too early to tell. Game ON!

Wow a discord call this early in the game!! Strategy? Nope! It's... Alyssa explaining tarot cards to me. Gotta do what you can for social game ig (its ok now we're talking about romcoms)

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iz me beech

what a gift, hi im mo. a dumb bottom who treats himself like shit so no one else does.

IM AN ALL STAR ISNT THAT INSANE. I cannot express how excited I am to be playing this game, plus I fucking love this cast. Like my tribe? Fantastic.

Alyssa - The sister I always wanted. I love her she’s so great.

Matt - New good friend and probably who I’m closest to at the moment I get happy when he gets online cus he gets me and my shit.

Jack - He can rap and he’s nice, what an icon.

Rhys - SUCH A SWEETHEART, I’m so excited to play with him again.

Karthik - Also super sweet, he seems like a genuine guy and I’m looking forward to playing with him.

Tobi - I love that I get to play with him again we haven’t talked all too much but we’ve talked a bit. (I definitely have my guard up around him just cus of something he did in Muxloe)

Bodhi - Kinda inactive unfortunately but he seems nice.

Mo - Dumb bitch.

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sits. hi. so like. just like elara im gonna do a countdown to when i can play my legacy because yall CRAZY if you think im willing it to someone else... uh...WAIT.. I JUST REALISED... I THINK I COULD'VE SAVED BIG Z WITH MY LEGACY?? if only i knew he was going... sorry big z... you wont read this.. anyways. ok so. it is final 21. so. 15 (or 8 i guess...) people need to be voted out before i can play it.. i can DO IT. and this time i am not telling a SOUL about it. like. NO ONE.. and the beauty of the legacy is that people shouldn't really even suspect it exists.. heehee!

ANYWAYS! let's talk about the game. so. my tribe is a mess. i love zach and chloe... chris is a king.. i played elara with drew h and he's a babe so there's that. michael king. and sharky hasnt been on much because he's busy which is like awful timing n i feel bad especially if we lose because i think he might go? :-(

as for the other tribes.. bryce asked to be allies i said shure. i love rhys.. thats all bye

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UPDATE!! i love BODHI!!!!!!!!!!!! like..... wow. hes such a king. no words at all.

Our tribe has lots of stuff done on our sheet. I hope we are able to get it done. I hope we can win immunity, first tribal will suck.

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Omg. 3 minutes until sheets are locked. Im kind of nervous. I really want us to be immune.

My tribe mates- Rhys: he is amazing and i feel like we get along pretty well. We have been talking. Mitch: also very nice. Was the first person to message me and i really like him. Kori: we talked a bit. Is someone i need to talk to more. Bryce: my marmoreal f3. ❤️ Jared: amazing guy and really like talking to him. Would work with him. Stephen: the person i least have talked to but i need to talk to more.

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I’m am extemely excited that we won immunity. It gives me more time to talk and bond with these people. Im really liking my tribe. I hope we can keep winning immunity. (Knocks on wood)

We won! Yas! It's unfortunate that we couldn't snatch the reward, but we came close and I think that counts for something.

Chloe and Drew definitely carried the Orfeo tribe to their reward, meanwhile Karth practically killed Cyrena himself. I'm pretty happy being that perfectly middle score on my tribe. High enough to be a contributor, low enough to like not be a threat for try-harding or something.

I'm gonna hopefully take this time to get to bond with people more. Chloe and I are getting married apparently which is cute. She's honestly pretty sweet so I'm already a hardcore stan.

Gonna enjoy the time off, and see what this idol system is about. Maybe I'll get lucky this season.

i am OVERWHELMED like ok so most the cast i feel like doesnt like me. my tribe has ppl who arent super active (this is literally marmoreal flash backs) kori is so.. much idk JKFADSHFKJ like he just is rly.. there! jared is my new fave i love that man so much we are going so far KNOW that. rhys.. an angel i LOVE him i just get him and he gets me. maynor? doesnt reply idk its off. stephen.. not here. mitch? ignores me for long time. so ya that sucks but wooh jared and rhys! also LOVE chloe, loris, zach, maybe tobi!!!

YAAAAAAAAS safety is so important right nowwwww, having safety is crucial bc I wanna keep my friends in this game and keep building bridges. I also have a little advantage to help me search for the idol and nobody needs to know about it except me so hopefully soon I’ll have an idol in my back pocket!

The first few days of this game have been fun. I always enjoy getting to know a new tribe of people. Still, all of these people are essentially new to me. I've been in VL's with Kori and Mitch, and I helped host Jared in Wakea, but playing with people is a totally different ballgame. Still these 3 are probably the relationships I'm most interested in investing time in right now.

As for people off of my tribe, I feel pretty good about my old Komnata castmates. Alyssa, Zach and Karth all worked well with me in the pre-merge and I can definitely see myself working with them here as well. Chris is also my BFF I would literally die for him. Jack is also someone I know well and I know he's a good ally, but we're also playing another ORG together at this very moment (SBBB7) and I just made a move there knowing he wouldn't approve of it, so that's something I have to keep in mind as well. I think as long as I can set myself up well on this current tribe, I could be in it for the long hall!

Looking at the challenge results, it looks really bad for my bro Karth. It's gonna suck if he goes first because we instantly connected back in Komnata, but hey, I don't think I have the clout to save him here. It's the first tribal council and there's no basement to hide in this time.

Today is gonna be a big day though. Before Cyrena goes to Tribal Council, I'm planning to reach out to Mitch and Kori about formally becoming allies. Just like my first season, I'll use the idol search as my opening statement!

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SO lots to discuss. First off, we got fucking demolished in immunity. Fucking embarassing. Matt Alyssa and I showed tf up with 100+, and Mo and Bodhi weren't far behind. Tobi did not have a good showing but FUCKING. KARTHIK. TWO POINTS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That's disgraceful this is god damn all stars you're a WINNER and you give 2 god damn 1 point submissions. Get the fuck out of my tribe. He should be the easiest first boot in history but of course everyone wants to pussyfoot around for the first 12-18 hours of tribal and not throw out a name. But there's no avoiding this. He's inactive, he has a bad timezone comparatively, and he did diddly poo in the challenge. He's. Gone.

Luckily I find myself with 2 quick alliances right out the shoot, a trio with Alyssa and Matt and a duo with Bodhi. I found myself gravitating to these 4 a lot the first couple days, Mo and Tobi are a bit quieter so I like these 3 allies for me moving forward. Sidenote, BoJack has got to be the greatest alliance name in Celestial history. I'd go back and look to compare but I'm lazy.

One World is still kicking my ass, a lot of people want to talk to me and I don't have the energy for it but damn it I guess I have no other choice, I can't just not respond to them.

Ok so fucking karthik made an alliance with Me, Mo, Matt. And spilled his heart out to us. But we left him on read and now he’s super lonely. Hopefully he doesn’t have an idol or whatever.

Also this game started!! I’m very busy with school but I have things to say. I’m close with some people from before, I really like Loris and Tobi and Alyssa. I’m feeling pretty good about my position right now.

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Fuck yeah, not first boot!!! Although I would’ve loved to win as were so close, but can blame that on my tribe mates cause me and Bryce pulled through.

So right now, my closest ally I feel like would be Bryce. Primarily cause were on the same tribe and then I speak to him most on our tribe, and most of the other cast. Then would be jarred, so I want to make hopefully an alliance between them, maybe another, just to confirm my spot in the tribe.

Feel like my main goal is to make connection, as it seems like everyone else has some with other people. So like if it comes to me someone they don’t know, against someone they've player with before just looks bad for me. So I’m trying to make up with Michael, just so that’s one less target in my back.

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Also I talk to Zach a lot. But don’t trust him at all. We have been “dating” since the cast reveal. But he asked Mo to be in a showmance too?! Plus Bryce said he talks to zach the most but Bryce wasn’t in who Zach talks to the most.

This sounds like Tween drama but it’s so much more.

Am I being flirted with?????????

https://youtu.be/GBCr-tAsKTc

My slow self. In regards to the other castmates- I didnt realize how much I talked to the members of Tuatha. Bryce, Rhys, Kori all are red but I've probably done most of my talking with Jared and Stephen who I really wanna get together with at some point. I've reached out to other people like Jack and Alyssa and Mo. I may be forgetting some people but I'm just gonna keep talking up a storm with everybody! If I had to pick my closest people so far, it definitely would be Jared, Stephen, Zach, and Michael.. stay tuned!

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I FLOPPED at this challenge hard. Drew and Sharky I am sorry for sharing you peeps on the low for being MIA when I was here and performed worse! I am happy we won though because I like my entire tribe and honestly I see a lot of good from them! And so the game begins!

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I am just putting gears in motion! I've made it clear with Stephen, Kori, and Jared I want to work with them. I want to get a cross tribe alliance going and it seems Tuatha is my in though I have to see about other people. As for Orfeo...I talked with Zach on starting a majority alliance with Chloe and Loris, we'll see how it goes and if it is legitimate but I definitely hope I can trust Michael enough to keep him. I still am gonna not get comfortable because I can see myself being targeted but yeah

https://youtu.be/ia3DTwLWMi8

So we’re going to tribal... and honestly I’m terrified bc I was one of the poorer performers in the challenge but the thing is that Karthik got a whole ass 2 in the challenge... a challenge where you get 8/9 points for drinking water... so I would think he’d be the easy vote but everyone was SUPER quiet yesterday and no one wanted to give names but today is looking a bit better but I swear if I go home over karthik.... I. will. call. out. all. of. them. Not only was his score tragic but I don’t think he’s been social at all... people from other tribes think that karthik is definitely going so maybe I’m just crazy paranoid for no reason but idk I’ll have to talk wayyyy more to everyone just to be sure

well here is my first real confessional of the game! Sorry its late been busy.

So firstly my tribe is like super cute. I'm glad i don't know everyone cause then i would be worried, plus i do genuinely like getting to know new people so that is definitely a yay moment. I am also really liking this cast, though more wahmen would be nice but this is all stars, we r not casting wahmen for the sake of it. - anna jane 2k19.

The first challenge? selfie scavenger. a classic if i have seen one. a surprisingly difficult one at that but im glad how well i performed. top scorer on my tribe so i'm really glad about that and how I will be perceived as an asset for a while at least (we will see how that pans out longer down the line). but yay go me! Unforunately, we lost though so like UGH.

During immunity i approached alyssa and jack about a trio, who could control the tribe as i knew we would be high scorers and i genuinely like the two of them. also made sense becuase i sense we are the 3 most active. Karthik, who scored only 2 in the challenge, is probs the target due to inactivity LOL. tobi and mo i also like, but bodhi remains a mystery to me. might be a timezone thing idk but still. a tad worrying that i dont know him as well as i would like.

One World does my head in but im trying to talk to everyone. i've learnt though i need to make connections on my tribe first and foremost as they r the ones who vote, not people on other tribes. god i do hate one world tho. i want to be napping, not messaging people

think im gonna be in an alliance?? on day 3? is this a joke? literally winning................... wow....

I usually make videos but today I am lazy so hello. So One World is ass because I don't want to talk to everyone but these people are crackheads so like I guess. Uhhhhh I'm in an alliance with Jack and Matt because I adore them both greatly. Mo is on my tribe which is so nice because we have played together before and he has such fun energy and is just a ray of sunshine so I'm very happy (although he makes me nervous cuz the last game we played together I killed him for no reason basically.... But I don't think he's the vengeful type). Tobi makes me nervous because I think he is a social king and I mean like... Idk I guess there are a lot of very social players which makes me nervous that I would be pushed out for maybe not being as social? Idk if that makes sense.

But anyway Karthik is also on my tribe and I was like OF COURSE. Because this is the man from my season who I cursed out via DR video for flipping on me LOL He is a sweetie though. I recently looked and saw he was rooting for me a lil in a game I was in which is really nice of him, especially seeing as I didn't vote him to win our season. I think he's going to be first boot. He was on vacation this weekend somewhere where there's no wifi (that's what he told me) and only sent in two things for the scavenger hunt, dooming us to a first tribal. I feel somewhat bad but have told people on my tribe that if not for Komnata's twist of the season he would've been out pre-merge easily because his overarching challenge performance is not great. So basically just reiterating to people that I'm not so sure that this was a fluke and overall I think it's probably just best for us to cut him.

Yeah that's it. I have so much crackhead energy from the games I've been playing as of late I feel like I majorly need to chill the fuck out. Here's to praying.

so everyone’s kinda agreed on voting out karthik due to him only scoring two points so I’m like ok cool i’m down but then karthik made an alliance chat with bodhi, matt and myself asking to be saved and

https://i.imgur.com/AxCzqxd.gif?noredirect

Sooo im making this last minute confessional to tell ya that I THINK im in a good spot. Im sharing my idol guesses with Stephen Z and Jared which is helping me build trust with them. I also have mutual trust with Kori. Maynor and Rhys are kind of boring tbh so hopefully they go soon. Bryce and I never seem to have good conversations so idk where his head is at. IM JUST HAPPY THAT MY CURSE OF ALWAYS GOING TO THE FIRST TRIBAL IS FINALLY LIFTED. I WONT BE FIRST BOOT YAHOO

Short and sweet, glad to be back, beast moded another selfie scavenger hunt. Got a good tribe, I think, couple of good friends, couple new people, at least one I think obvious boot should it come to that, but here's hoping it won't. Not a lot of players from my season so hopefully there won't be too much bad blood coming into this. Shoutout to Chloe Bryce and Tobi who are apparently contractually obligated to be in every fucking game I play on Facebook and associated communities for the rest of my life. 21 people is a lot to get through so I'm just hoping for merge, then we can go from there.

Well let's give confessing on my phone a try.

So far I feel like I've been making decent strides conversing with everybody. It's kinda weird how much I like everyone on this season. Its gonna make being a snake harder but I cant afford to blind myself I'll have to do whatever I'll have to do to hopefully win again.

I've made a sort of trio deal with Bryce and Chris as we're all former winners. I'd have included Kavish but we're all predicting he's more than likely the first boot alarm Tina. I'm growing closer to Zach and Clohie on the outer tribes. Also obviously still have my Bodhi connection. I'm talking with just about everyone a bit. Though I cant shake the feeling there is someone I've missed.

I am concerned not being in any sort of majority alliance on my tribe, so if we do lose that's worrisome but still not being the first boot is a huge relief for me, and hopefully there is only good for me going forward. (I say as 4 people probably plot my demise.)

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Karthik is voted out 5-1-1.

#episode #shinebright

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swellwriting · 6 years

Text

A Silent Devotee Part Eleven- Aftermath

Part Eleven- Aftermath

Draco Malfoy x Reader

Warnings: None, a tad of angst, Draco being sad and then a bit of an idiot ...so the usual.

Word Count: 2.1k Series Masterlist Part Twelve

After the news spread that Dumbledore was dead a lot of students left Hogwarts, angry and scared parents came to collect their kids and bring them home where they deemed it to be safe, in reality there was no safe place. Hogwarts used to be considered the safest place but now that Dumbledore was gone that was no longer true.

You feared for your friends, especially the ones who weren’t purebloods, they had a target on their backs with the rising of the Death Eaters and Voldemort. A lot of non purebloods were pulled from Hogwarts, simply because there blood status was a known thing at Hogwarts, it was like leaving them in a trap for Voldemort to come easily collect.

A lot of people went into hiding too, scared to be seen although attendance at Hogwarts was now made obligatory by the Ministry. If you didn't send your child to Hogwarts it would be seen as an act of rebellion against the Ministry, putting yet another target on your back. You were pureblood, which did not necessarily mean you were perfectly safe but it did mean you were safer than most. You decided to say at Hogwarts, at least for the funeral like most did your parents wouldn’t dare let you stay home you thought.

After the funeral service you were sat waiting for the others with Hermione. You expected Harry to hate you, blame you, but he knew where your heart lied and what happened was simply out of everybody's control. He didn’t mention anything of that night again.

“Y/N, we are leaving after this, you know.” Hermione admitted to you sadly.

“Well I assumed you would, and Harry. But where will you go, where is there safe to hide?” You questioned thinking of a place free from Death Eaters, maybe Canada.

“We aren't running away? Have you met us!” She half joked.

“I guess I wasn't thinking, I just...just be careful I know you guys are planning something. Not the type to stay here and follow rules, whatever you’re doing good luck. If you need anything just ask.”

“We can ask Y/N for help or Y/N and Draco?” She teased but was sort of serious.

“You can trust me, we aren't one person, I have a mind of my own.”

“Yeah a mind that's madly in love and would do anything to protect Draco.”

“Hey, I’d do the same for you.” You admitted honestly.

“I know you would, that's why you’re so likable, so much love and kindness and you have no fear of running out, you give and give, I just hope Draco doesn't take too much from you.” She said placing a hand over yours caringly.

“He won’t, don't worry about me. I will be fine here I don't have quite as big of a target on my back.” Hermione stood up as the others walked towards you, grief written on their faces, deep in thought.

Before they reached you she whispered so they wouldn't hear. “Is that why you’re sleeping with a Death Eater, for safety?” She smiled but only so you could see and raised an eyebrow , you couldn't laugh or yell or argue, you just let your mouth drop and tried to yell at her with your eyes, she just looked away and took Ron's hand walking ahead of you.

The whole group stopped and talked about anything else, trying to get their minds off what just took place. Molly Weasley started talking about the upcoming wedding of Fleur and Bill, although Bill was injured the other night it was still happening.

“You kids are all still coming yes?” Molly asked as cheerily as she could.

“Yeah mum we will be there.” Ron answered in a monotone voice and continued his conversation with his friends.

“You can come too dear!” Molly said to you even though she barely knew you, just wanting to include everybody.

“She could come but her date can’t.” Ron said flatly, not meaning to be rude but after Draco poisoned Ron you didn't expect them to get along any better, even if it was an accident. Molly made a “tsk” noise at her sons comment.

“That’s okay, we will just send flowers.” You smiled sweetly.

“We don't want Malfoy flowers.” Ron said, in a more playful tone, just trying to push your buttons.

“Well it’s not your wedding now is it?” You teased back and Hermione blushed lightly, probably imagining the scenario in her head.

Ron just rolled his eyes and they all said their goodbyes.

You got back to your room, the hallways were mostly empty instead of filled with light, there was pain and sorrow hanging in the air like a thick fog that weighed down on your heart. The paintings seemed less lively and the school a little less magical without Dumbledore. Classes and exams were cancelled and postponed until they decided what they would do so you waited around for Draco to come see you again, you weren't even sure where Snape took him when they left.

You woke up to the feeling of someone tapping your shoulder lightly, as if they almost didn't want to wake you. Opening your eyes you saw Draco and didn't hesitate to move back and pull him into bed with you, no need to even cast a silencing spell, all your roommates had left.

You laid there in silence as he placed his face in the crook of your neck, your t shirt was low collared so his face was directly against your skin, you immediately felt hot tears trickle down your neck and felt Draco sob, his whole body shaking in your arms.

“I...I just…” He tried mumbling, wanting to speak all the words of sorrow, fear and regret that were pounding against his skull. You just cooed in his ear “Shhh.” You whispered rubbing his back soothingly and pulling him closer squeezing him against you, you knew he liked that.

“I missed this, I missed you so much.” He cried and cried, you just said comforting things back to him.

He started trying to talk about what happened but you shushed him yet again, insisting sleep was more important. It took a while too, longer than usual for his breaths to become less labored and for his tears to dry up. You stayed awake until you felt him still against you then followed him into a peaceful slumber, a dream world hopefully full of life and magic and no death or death eaters to be exact. You slept in late that morning, didn't actually get up until you both decided lunch was needed.

You walked through the halls hand in hand, also holding his upper arm to show him extra support, peppering his cheeks with kisses every now and then. You wanted him to know that although everything changed, your feelings and opinion of him had never faltered nor would they ever. At breakfast the tables seemed so empty compared to usual, still lots of students but the gaps were there and they screamed something's different, something's wrong. Students were also not sat according to house, you took the opportunity to drag Draco to an empty spot of the Hufflepuff table.

“So, where did you go?” You asked between mouthfuls of food, you and Draco were quite comfortable around each other now, he still tried to act proper sometimes but you assumed that was from being raised in a household like his. You were raised to have manners, yes, but you also had a few older siblings, and there was a polite and proper sort of madness in your house. Pureblood families were expected to act a certain way and hold a specific standard. Your family was like the perfect mix of the craziness of the Weasley’s and the order of the Malfoy’s.

“I went home, had to talk to a bunch of Death Eaters, my Aunt, but not Voldemort, Snape said he would talk to him and they sent me back here before anyone noticed I was gone and got suspicious.”

“I noticed you were gone.” You said smiling cheekily.

“Well I would hope so, did you go to the funeral?” Draco asked quietly wishing he could have gone too, with you.

“Yeah, went with your favorite people too, it was sad yet nice. I even got invited to a Weasley wedding but declined, would rather spend some time with you.”

“Or the invitation did not extend to me.” He said looking up at you from his food, a playful smile on his face.

“Well you did poison-”

“That was a mistake!” he defended.

“The intent was there.” You teased smiling back at him. Draco never smiled as much as he did around you, like he was trying to mimic yours but his was never as toothy as yours was. He loved your toothy smile though.

“Anyways, I saw my mum.”

“How did that go?”

“Good. Good. She was all proud of me for being so strong and that's when I finally got to tell her about you.”

“Ah of course, the source of your strength.”

“You say that jokingly but it’s true, and she wants to meet you, like really wants to. She is very excited and I think she will like you a lot.”

“Well then I’d like to meet her too.” You smiled.

“Good, not anytime soon though so you don't have to worry.”

“Why not anytime soon?”

“Because it’s almost summer, exams were to be this week although I don't see that happening and then the week after that we go home.” Draco shrugged like that explained anything.

“Am I not going to see you over the summer?” You asked timidly.

“Well we don't have a train taking us places so I don't see how you could.”

“Draco I live like 15 minutes away from you.”

“Walking?”

“Yes you idiot!”

“Well how was I supposed to know that?” He asked as a blush rose to his cheeks, he had no idea you lived so close to him for so long.

“I don't know, I knew where you lived, but I guess Malfoy Manor is well known in the area compared to my house.”

“You live in Wiltshire?”

“Yes Draco, you aren't the only one who lives there.”

“Where though?”

“Big house, looks good on the outside not quite as good on the inside, actually probably better now since most of my siblings are gone.”

“Siblings?”

“Yes Draco, I have an older sister and two older brother, only my one brother lives at home now but he might be gone now who knows.” You shrugged.

He frowned probably upset he knew so little about you and maybe a bit scared of the idea of you having older brothers who would judge your relationship with him. He hadn't even thought about meeting your parents and how anxious that made him. It was bad enough seeing students judge your relationship but family was so much worse if they didn't like him.

“Sorry we were so involved in school, the plan and each other to ever talk about dumb things like the bullying I endured as a child from my older brothers and how my older sister was like a second mom, but in a good way.” You said smiling, realizing you hadn't told any of them about Draco, or anything about school at all really.

“So we can spend like all summer together?” He said smiling taking a bite from his food.

“Well, I spend most of my summer learning new things but i'm sure I can fit you in there.”

“Summer inst for learning.”

“We both spent out last summer learning new skills so you might want to rethink that,”

“Against my will.” He argued pointing his fork towards you, you just smiled in response.

“I'm gonna miss you he said kissing your forehead before you parents arrived to pick you up.”

“I just need a few days to catch up with my family see my friends maybe, then I’ll come see you.”

“Write me a letter the night before, actually write one every night and update me on things.”

“So do I walk the fifteen minutes and hand deliver it or by owl?”

“Owls fine, and you better use that blue paper and gold wax.”

“To bring back memories of how we first met! How cute, I didn't know you were so sentimental.”

“Oh shut up, I meant so I know which one is for me. Maybe a bit of that sentimental stuff to.” He said trying to hide his face from you placing his chin on your head and kissing it once more before he let go of your hand and walked away not turning back to look at you because if he had, he didn't think he’d be able to leave.

TAG LIST: @alwxadria345 @as-faraway-as-possible @dumpster-charlie @sinfulmango @bennie-badeend @fandomsxo @babyplutoszx2 @marelicarter

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 6 years

Text

Girl Back Home (Jimin x You x Jungkook) // Chapter 1

MASTERLIST

Jeon Jungkook looks up to the clear blue sky as he inhaled the fresh air. Its been quite some time since they were given a long break. He immediately chose to go back home the moment his manager released their schedule. Jungkook misses his family, and his beloved hometown. Living in the big city is amazing, but at some point, he just miss the simplicity of his home town. Jimin who will usually come back home with him decide to stay in the city for a few more weeks, asking Jungkook to proceed with going home first. He didnt know what his hyung is up to, nor does he care. He is finally back home, and that is what matters.

Its nice waking up to the delicious smell of his mother's cooking instead of the normal take out he and the boys will usually have. Its good to know that he can laze around all day doing nothing if he choose to do so, instead of being force to comply to a pack schedule where he sometimes couldnt even find the time to pee. Dont get him wrong, he loves what he do. He loves being an idol. He loves the fact that he can share his love for music, singing and dancing with million others. He loves interacting with fans who keeps on cheering him on. But everyone needs a break sometimes. And being back home is exactly the kind of break that Jungkook needed.

Jungkook decided to take a walk by the seaside today. An advantage of living in a town located by the beach. Its peaceful and quite empty as its not yet tourist season and Jungkook planned to use it to his full advantage by enjoying every second of the sea as much as he can. He can rest assured that he wont be mobbed by fans here since most people from his hometown doesnt know who he is and the other half who does just doesnt care. That is a different feeling that he can only have here in his hometown, and never in the city.

As he sat down by the seaside, letting his bare feet touch the waves that is crashing the white sand, a huge furry golden retriever came running towards him, tounge playfully out, yapping happily and without warning, jumped on him, making him fall back onto the sand. Jungkook laughs as the dog keeps on licking his face and nuzzled his neck as he keeps on rubbing the dog's thick fur.

"Cusco! Dont do that! That is not someone we know!" A voice filled with panic makes Jungkook turn around to see a girl running towards them. The dog immediately jumped off Jungkook and ran towards the girl's direction, nuzzling her legs.

"I am so sorry. He is always too friendly for his own good. Are you okay? I hope he didnt hurt you," she rambled on, eyeing Jungkook up and down, trying to see any evidence of him hurting. Jungkook laughs and shakes his head.

"No. I'm perfectly fine. I dont mind really. Your dog is very cute. I wish I can have one just like him," he smile. The girl seems to relax a little at his friendly greeting.

"Oh... thank you. But I'm still really sorry," she fiddled with her hands, not knowing what to do. "Why didnt you?" Jungkook looks at her, confused. "Have one? A dog I mean,"

"Oh," Jungkook nodded his head, finally understanding her question. "I dont live here anymore. Urm I mean, my family still does and I came back from time to time but I work in the city so I dont really have the space or time for a dog," he explained. The girl nodded.

"Oh. No wonder I havent seen you around before. I walked Cusco by this beach everyday and I know mostly everyone from this area. I thought Cusco just mauled a tourist! That would have been bad!" she laughs. Jungkook smile as he looks at her. This is the kind of girls that he always prefer. The easy going, happy go lucky girls. Not like the ones he met in the city or the other girls in the industry who is always uptight and care too much about the image they hold. Its boring and superficial and Jungkook is sick of it. He wants to meet someone real. Someone who can hold a decent and fun conversation. Someone he can be friends with.

"You walked him on this beach everyday?"

"Its a her actually," she smile and motioned towards her dog who is now happily chasing the waves. "And yes,"

"Ah. No wonder she's attracted to me then. All female does," Jungkook winked and instead of blushing like Jungkook assumed the girl would do, because come on, who wouldnt swoon when Jeon Jungkook winked at them?, she gives a loud laugh.

"You are funny," she smile after her laughter died down. "Oh well, I should go. Sorry to disturb your peaceful day," she bowed and motioned for Cusco to follow her as she starts to walk away. Jungkook immediately hate the idea of letting such a refreshing girl go. After all, she is the first interaction he had outside of his family since he came back a few days ago. Jungkook is usually akward around girls, but there's just something about this girl and her dog that heavily attracts Jungkook to her, making all akwardness disappeared. After all, there is nothing wrong with making new friends, right?

"Wait!" Jungkook called out making her turned around. "Urm, since I dont really have anyone else to hung out with anyway and I live just near this beach, why dont I walk Cusco with you every day?" he suggested, hoping the girl wont find him weird. "I swear I'm not a serial killer or anything. You can even come over to my house and meet my mom. She will tell you that I am a good son, and definitely not a serial killer or a mass murderer," he quickly added when he saw the girl is looking weirdly at him. At his strange and bold explanation, the girl laughs.

"Okay. I would love too. And no, I never thought you are a serial killer. I think Cusco would know if you are one," she giggled. Jungkook smile at her, showing his bunny teeth.

"Great. Now we are officially friends, thanks to Cusco," he looked down at the dog and ruffled its head making her bark happily. "I love her. She is such a happy dog,"

"Well, I made sure she has nothing not to be happy about. Life is full of ups and downs but we shouldnt live in sadness right?" she rubbed Cusco's head lovingly, making Jungkook nod and ponders on her words.

"I'm Jeon Jungkook by the way," Jungkook held out his hand as a greeting, looking to see if there is any sign of recognition of who he is in her face.

"I'm Y/N. Nice to meet you Jeon Jungkook," she nodded and smile, not showing any sign of knowing who he is. Without realizing, Jungkook let out a deep breath that he didnt even know he held, anxious to know if she knows him and if she is only being friendly to him because of who he is. Cusco starts to bark around happily, pushing his head on Jungkook's arms, asking for some affection. As Jungkook reached out to rub the dog's head, he knows that this break is going to be the best one yet, he can already tell.

"Well Y/N, would you like to come over to my house and meet my mom? I mean not to ask her if I'm a serial killer, but maybe for tea and dinner? She is a pretty good cook," Y/N laughs again.

"Well, if you insist, then I would love to,"

The rest of the week passed by quickly as Jungkook is having so much fun with Y/N. They always start their day with breakfast that Jungkook's mother had insisted on making, forcing Y/N to come over and eat every morning before they can move on to walk Cusco by the beach. They will run along the beach, barefooted, playing with the water and splashing each other while Cusco will run and bark happily by their side. After lunch time, Y/N will usually sent Cusco back home and take Jungkook out to the places that even he didnt know existed in his hometown.

"That's because you didnt come back often enough!" Y/N said one day when Jungkook claimed he never knew his hometown has so many interesting and beautiful places as they were sitting on a huge rock on a hill by the sea, facing the sunset. They swing their legs happily over the cliff as they enjoy the beautiful sun which is slowly fading, giving way to the dark night sky. Jungkook turned to look at Y/N as she said that and he took in her face.

To most people, she probably just looks like an ordinary girl. Brown eyes and long dark hair with a petite frame. But to Jungkook who had spent almost every day with her for almost a month, Y/N is nothing but ordinary. She is everything but.

"Maybe now I will have a good enough reason to come back home more often," Jungkook whispered so softly, he is sure Y/N didnt hear him as she just turns and smile at him, throwing pebbles into the sea as the wind blows her free hair all over her face.

Jungkook smile and know that this is the best view he could have ever asked for, and its all because of this girl he met back at home.

/////

Jungkook knows everything is just too good to be true when his mother woke him up one day, notifying him that his managers are waiting for him downstairs. With sleepy eyes he walked down the stairs to see two of his managers sitting at the dining table, looking stern.

"Good morning Jungkook. I believe you are having a nice break?" Jungkook rubbed his eyes and stare at the two. Did they come here just to ask about how he's enjoying his day?

"Ye..yeah. You can say that," he answered, short and simple, wishing they will just go straight to the point.

"Oh, we know," one of the manager replied and look at the other. "Do you know what news is currently circulating in Seoul right now Jungkook?"

"No. Not really. I dont really keep myself updated with tabloids when I'm on a break. I tend to keep away from them, you know that," he shakes his head.

"Well, let me enlighten you then," the manager took out a pile of newspaper and tabloid magazines that is folded neatly on his lap.

"BTS' Jungkook secret girlfriend," he placed the paper on the table.

"Jeon Jungkook's hometown sweetheart," he placed another one.

"Jungkook is back home to see his girl!" he threw another one to the pile.

"Sweetest couple alert: Jeon Jungkook is in love with a girl back home?" he stacked another.

"Is Jungkook married to his hometown sweetheart?" Jungkook's eyes widen at that.

"Yeah. The headlines gets more creative from here," the manager said as he placed the rest of the pile on the table, not bothering to read them anymore. "I think you get the idea of what they are saying right?" Jungkook nodded.

"Hyung, I-"

"Save it Jeon Jungkook. You should know better! You know you should always be aware even when you are on a break! All eyes are always on you and your hyungs. You know that!" Jungkook lowered his gaze. He admits its his fault, but how can he not spend time with Y/N?

"What am I supposed to do now?" he ask in a small voice, understanding how much trouble he is in. Jungkook seldom creates a problem, but when he does, he sure gives his manager something to think about. The manager sighed.

"Alright. We have discussed this with the other management team. The way we see it, you only have two choices. Either you stop seeing her altogether and release an official statement to the media that she is just some fan who is obsessed with you and you are just entertaining her," Jungkook eyes widen and shakes his head. There is no way he could do that to Y/N. She dont even know who he is. He is not going to taint her name as a crazy fangirl just to save his own ass. "Or... you can ask her..."

"Pretend to be my girlfriend," Jungkook is currently standing in front of Y/N's house, nervously telling her what happened and what his manager had suggested. Now Y/N is crossing her arms across her chest, feet tapping and is looking at him as if he's grown two heads. "Please?" Jungkook pleaded.

"Wait. Let me get this straight. You are actually an internationally well known popular idol and now some papparazi has taken our photos together and is telling everyone that I am your girlfriend and the only choice you have to save your career is either to stop seeing me altogether and say that I'm a crazy fangirl or I have to pretend to be your girlfriend?" Y/N summarized everything in one breath, leaving Jungkook with mouth slightly opened.

"Wow. That's just... wow. But yeah. That's basically it,"

"Okay you are crazy," Y/N raised her hands. "I knew you couldnt just be some normal stranger lounging on the beach," she sighed. "I knew it..."

"Dont say that," Jungkook lowered his gaze, hurt by Y/N's words. "Being an idol is just my job. I'm still just the Jungkook that you know," Jungkook's voice is laced with sadness.

"Yeah, a job that dictates your life. And apparently mine," she huffed. She stayed silent for a while, contemplating her choices. "So I think you can just go ahead with plan A. Tell everyone I'm just a crazy fan and stop seeing me, okay? Okay goodbye Jeon Jungkook, nice knowing you!" Y/N quickly stepped back into her house and tries to close the door as fast as she could but is stopped by Jungkook.

"No! I wont do that," Jungkook gritted his teeth. "How could you even suggest that? That is not even an option! Doesnt the last month we spent together meant anything to you?" Y/N sighed at Jungkook's sad face. It was never her intention to hurt Jungkook's feelings. He is a great guy but she really dont want to be involved in this. She just wants to go back to her quiet life. Living day in and day out with her dog, drama free, patiently waiting for his return. Y/N immediately pushed all thoughts of him aside and focused back to Jungkook.

"Of course it does Jungkook. Our friendship meant a lot to me.But you dont understand, its hard for me to pretend to be your girlfriend," she lowered her gaze, trying to think of the best way to inform Jungkook of her situation. "I really cant pretend to be your girlfriend, because I'm... I'm ma-"

"Please?" Jungkook cutted her off. "I promise you wont feel anything different than when you were hanging out with me. And its only for a few months. And you get to go to Seoul, for free!" Jungkook tried to plead his case. To be honest, he really wants Y/N to say yes. He really wants her to come to Seoul with him. Being a part of his life there, and not just stayed as the girl he knew back home. It also doesnt help the fact that having Y/N to be his pretend girlfriend excites him a little. Y/N ponders on her options for a while. Jungkook has been a great friend to her, maybe she could help him just this one time.

"You promise it wont be long?"

"No. I promise. Only a few months and we will annouce the break up. I will even let you be the one who breaks up with me and you can tell everyone how much of an asshole boyfriend I am," he grins. Y/N smile back at his teasing.

"Deal,"

/////

"So I heard you went back home and get yourself a little girlfriend?" Taehyung's voice filled the room. Jungkook is currently on speaker wirh the rest of his hyungs, who is all already back in the dorms. Jungkook chuckled as he toss his clothes inside his luggage. Packing is always a hassle, but he cant wait to go back this time.

"Way to go maknae!" Hoseok chimmed in.

"Is she pretty? We didnt read the news yet," Jimin questioned.

"It doesnt matter. We are not dating for real!" Jungkook remind his excited hyungs. "But yeah, she's very pretty. Beautiful in fact. Smart and funny too,"

"Ohhh, sounds like you want to date her for real!" Jin's voice filled the room, together with teasing laughter from the others.

"Shut up hyung!"

"Ohhh, are you blushing?" Taehyung continue to tease.

"I think he does like her for real!" Hoseok squealed. "Did a girl from back home finally managed to make the impenetrable golden maknae fell in love?"

"Okay shut up guys," Jungkook has never felt so grateful for Namjoon's interruption. "When are you coming back Jungkook?"

"Tomorrow. We are taking the evening flight,"

"You are flying together with her right?"

"Yup. We are going to let people see us together at the airport, acting all cute and couply, bound for Seoul and we will announce our relationship officially next week,"

"Okay. Stick to the plan and dont do anything else stupid maknae," Namjoon warned.

"And dont make out in public either!" Taehyung's teasing voice filled the speaker and Jungkook heard a smack and an 'ow hyung' before the line was cut off. He is pretty sure that is the sound of Yoongi smacking Taehyung right across his head. Jungkook shakes his head and laughs. His hyungs are weird and annoying but he misses them. He cant wait to see them tomorrow and of course, to introduce Y/N to them.

He just cant wait.

/////

"Are you nervous? Excited? Scared?" Jungkook asked Y/N as their flight landed at the airport.

"A little bit of everything," she admitted. Her first time in Seoul and she has to be the girlfriend to someone well known. What has her life become? "Why do you seem so excited?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Dont worry. I'll be there with you at every step of the way," Jungkook smile an held her hands. "And I am excited. I'm coming back with my girlfriend, why shouldnt I be?" he winked making Y/N rolled her eyes. "Here, wear this," Jungkook shoved Y/N a pair of sunglasses and a black face mask, which Y/N donned quickly. Jungkook pulled his on and grabbed her hands.

"Ready?" she just nodded. "Lets go,"

The airport was filled to the brim with screaming fans. As hard as they try to keep their schedule a secret, fans will always somehow found out their whereabout. With the help of security, they managed to safely entered the black van that will take them back to the dorm.

"Wow, I really didnt know you were this popular," Y/N peeked through the van's curtain to see the fan girls still screaming, cameras clicking, some are even crying.

"You really live under the rocks Y/N. How can you not heard of us?" Y/N rolled her eyes again and ignore Jungkook's self proclaimed popularity, although she now understands why Jungkook is so cocky sometimes.

"I think I got about 20 death threats in that 20 second walk towards the car alone," she chuckled.

"Dont worry, I'm your boyfriend. I will protect you my love," Jungkook held her hands and placed it in his lap, turning to look and smile at her.

And for the first fime since they met, Y/N blushed.

/////

"Hey hyung, we are here!" Jungkook screamed out once he opened the dorm's door, one hand still tightly holding Y/N's nervous hand.

"Are you sure they will be okay with me?" Y/N eyes flickered around the dorm, anxiously looking to see if the boys are here, feeling extremely nervous. "What if they think I tricked you into this?"

"Dont worry Y/N. They will love you. And they wont think that. They know for a fact that I screwed up and you are helping me. They couldnt be more grateful for that," Jungkook smile at her, trying to ease her nervousness. Their conversation was cut off with the the sounds of footsteps approaching their way.

"Hey Kookie. Welcome home-" Jimin is the first one to come out from his room and stops immediately when he saw Jungkook standing in front of Y/N, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Hey hyung! This is my girlfriend, Y-"

"Y/N," Jimin finshed the sentence, eyes looking past Jungkook's smiling face and looking straight into the face he will recognize anywhere, at Y/N who is looking back at him with wide surprised eyes.

"Ji...Jimin,"

A/N: The first chapter of a new series. Comments ARE WELCOMED!

#bts #bts jungkook #bts fanfic #bts scenario #bts fiction #bangtan #bangtan boys #bangtan seonyeondan #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook scenario #bts jimin #park jimin #jimin scenario #kpop #kpop scenario

105 notes · View notes

tumblunni · 6 years

Text

Aaa im so full of poke hype and lovv! <3

I feel like maybe doodling my kid self, for some reason?? Like embrace the nostalg and also show some love to that awkward lil kid who didnt really know who they were yet. Its interesting how much i've changed over the years!

Hell i might even draw personas of myself dressed as all the protags from all the different generations? But they'd be mostly the same for like the first 20 years, just me getting real tall and fat lol. I had almost floor length hair for SO LONG it felt really freeing to chop it all off and i never went back! I think i kept it cos it was loke.. Camoflage? The only 'girly' thing i had so i could pretend to myself that i was straight and cis. Plus a literal shield cos i could be 90% hair and just one eye poking out XD So yeah it'd be funny looking at me over time, its just this girly-looking kid getting increasingly more macho outfits and increasingly more girly hair and increasingly more socially anxious, until within the space of 18-25 i suddenly have this giant self discovery freedom explosion and change completely! Its funny how if anything i look less masculine now? Like im way more comfortable with the fact that i'm someone in between genders, and its not a binary of having to be something i'm not just to escape some other thing i'm not. Its also kinda funny how these gender roles felt so restrictive when i was crammed into one of them, yet dressing with both at once seems just as freeing as having neither. Tho still no matter how i dress i always get misgendered one way or another since non-binary acceptance is still far from the norm. But still im so much more me than i've ever been before, and its great to look back so i can realize how far i've come!

So lol maybe i'll just draw old kid me playing "her" first pokemon game, and leave out the next decade and a half of the same thing but taller. And i could just draw current me in a few different attempts at a pokemon outfit? Like when i did my sprite edits i just did me in my usual outfit i wear IRL, now im thinking maybe i shoulda designed a wish fullfillment ideal gym leader costume or something? Tho im too lazy to start the sprite edit project all over again with this new design lol. Oh and maybe also draw my pokemon go outfit? I dont wear it all the time but i had a fun lil look i wore the other day that i ended up laughing at cos i accidentalky wore all blue even tho i picked Team Valor! Now i wanna wear it all the time lol. Oo and maybe cosplay as my fave characters? If i cant afford to do it IRL i can at least draw it!

So yeh in summary somehow i feel really confident in my identity today and i wanna draw pics of me. Mild ego time!!! Or rather just wishing i could fly back in time and motivate my kid self by showing them that they woukd actually have the freedom to be themself some day. I dont even really think of it as "I used to be a girl" but just that i was always feeling this way and didnt know the words for it, or that other people felt the same way and it wasnt an 'abomination against god'. And for some reason playing a gane with selectable genders really helped me let out some of my feelings during that confused childhood of absolute repression. "I just pick a random gender each time cos it doesnt really matter right? Doesnt everyone just pick the one with the outfit they'd rather wear?" I absolutely knew that was a lame excuse and none of these other kids actually felt that way, but at least it kept people from suspecting i had queer reasons for my queer actions. In a time where i didnt even know what queer meant except that it was Somehow Bad. Gah, this is why sex education needs to be inclusive! Even when i was old enough to learn about straight sex i apparantly wasnt old enough to learn about gay and trans people! Let alone asexuality lol... Man it was a whole nother mess to be dealing with an anomolous lack of sexual attraction at the same time as i was repressing something everyone told me was 'inherantly too dirty for teenagers to know about'. For so long i was just told that crossdressing was 'a sick fetish men have for wearing women's underwear' not just.. A woman is a woman and is telling you she's a woman and you wont listen to her. And for some reason they always obsessed with MTF trans folk in these sensationalist hate sermons, i guess because 'a man who gets off on dressing like a woman' just sounds like the more disgusting version when youre a sexist homophobic transphobic piece of shit throwing your bigotry at children. And at the same time also aphobic and telling me i need surgery on my genitals if i dont want sex. Mannnn kids those days.. i really hope kids these days have it better! I hope everyone who dealt with that shit managed to find love and support eventually, even if its still a damn crime they had it denied to them during their most important childhood years. The whole concept of 'an innocent carefree childhood' is so unknown to me, its ironic people claim they want to keep "lgbt politics" away from children in order to preserve that innocent childhood...

Aaaaanyway im rambling lol! In summary pokemon was one of my only coping methods during that childhood and the only small way i could pretend someone accepted me. Even if it was just by whispering no when the professor said 'are you a boy or a girl' and being happy at the little genderless mons like magnemite or the legendaries. I dont think i would have ever realized it was actually POSSIBLE and had words for the complex dysphoria i was feeling, if i hadnt played this dumb lil series of games.

Anyway thats probably also why i never had any attatchment to gen 1 despite being born right as the first wave of pokemania was coming out. The memories i have of those times are complex. Im just excited to revisit kanto as a new and happy person and maybe make new memories! I already barely remembered actual Yellow compared to FRLG, it was kind of a trip to play it on virtual console and remember all the tiny bits of sexist writing that games used to have during that era. It was like 'whoa i never noticed this was wrong as a kid, this finally explains why it made me uncomfortable!' Also the gameplay was glitchy and the plot nonexistant and the translation rudimentary and limited. And the mons weren't very good and i prefer pretty much every other generation and especially Garbodor and Vanillite, dammit!

Ok im going offtopic again

So yeah like i said im happy that Let's Go has managed to make me hype even thougj i didnt enjoy kanto the first time around! And its good how much it represents my journey out of that shitty childhood so now i can revisit it and pretend this is my first time and None Of That Happened, Thanks

So anyway bunni draws past self. And gets emotional. And rambles for hours in a dumb post.

Ok bye

#why so many words

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redrobin-detective · 6 years

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The Long Way Around 19

And so begins the second act of the story. We got Izuku to the hero course but now what? I’m sure you all know but things are gonna get shaken up. Also introducing one of my favorite bnha characters and by far my favorite character to write in this story. Enjoy!

AO3

Chapter Nineteen: Bizarre! A Mentor Appears!

Izuku thinks he's finally settling into 1-A. It's now the end of his first week here and, so far, things have been going pretty well.

First off, he's finally learned which classroom to walk in, having accidently walked to 1-C a couple of times on accident. But he's also gotten pretty close with some of the people in his class. He and Uraraka clicked almost immediately, but he's also become friendly with Kirishima, As-Tsuyu, Iida and Todoroki. Since that first day, Kacchan has pretty much ignored him unless he was trying to get Izuku to fight him again.

Izuku misses his friends in 1-C, misses the easy comfort he'd developed with them but he's glad he's fitting in here well. Besides, it's not like he doesn't see them anymore and they still text all the time.

Still, despite the warm welcoming, Izuku can't help but feel like an outsider, not just because he's new but because he's quirkless. While he hasn't had any really bad interactions like in middle school, he knows that some of the others are doubtful of his capabilities. He's held up so far in the training sessions but he still feels like he needs to prove himself somehow.

Izuku knows most of them mean well when they go easy on him during exercises but it still it frustrates him. He didn't get to this spot for being weak and he hates that people still treat him as such. Sometimes it amazes him just how close-minded people can be, as if their way is the only way. During those interactions, he steels himself and makes notes for the future.

When he's a hero, he's going to put a stop to this kind of injustice.

"Midoriya," Izuku turns away from his conversation with Uraraka to look over at Aizawa-sensei. "Come here for a moment, I need to speak with you in the hall." Izuku stands up, convinced all at once that he was going to be thrown out of the class. He's only been here a week, he couldn't have screwed up that badly-

"You're not in trouble but it pertains to your upcoming week." Izuku sighs with relief as he follows his teacher into the hallway. His heart speeds up, as always, when he sees All Might standing there too. The hero looks a bit uncomfortable.

"Is something the matter? Can I help?" Izuku asks before he can shove the words back in his mouth. Idiot. What could he possibly do to help the Number One Hero? All Might chuckles and gives Izuku a quick hair ruffle.

"No Young Midoriya, there's nothing wrong but I appreciate the sentiment. That good heart of yours is the finest quality in any hero," All Might says. If Izuku was killed right now in some sort of freak accident, he could die happy.

"Moving on," Aizawa-sensei says dully. "I'll get right to it, you got a nomination earlier this morning even though you technically weren't eligible." Izuku's mouth drops open, a nomination? For him? "It's last minute but everything is in order. You were supposed to spend your internship week with me bringing you up to the level of your classmates. However, given this development, I thought I'd give you the option."

"I'll do it," Izuku answers quickly the moment his teacher finishes speaking.

"You don't even know who nominated you yet." All Might says with amusement but still that hidden touch of discomfort Izuku can't place his finger on.

"I know but I still want to do it," Izuku pleads. "Even though I'm in the hero course I have to work two, maybe three, times as hard as everyone else just to keep up and I'm already so far behind. The fact that someone bothered to sponsor me at all is incredible and I have to take this opportunity."

"I still need to find time to catch you up," Aizawa-sensei says with a sigh.

"Can't I come after my internship? It's only in the day and I know you work primarily at night," his teachers look at him. "I can forgo sleep for a week, it's not like I haven't done it before." A nearly manic grin spreads on Aizawa-sensei's face and he looks like he's about to say yes when All Might interrupts.

"I think what your teacher is trying to say is that while we admire your dedication, we certainly don't want you to go to such exhausting lengths." All Might says with a grin. "If you truly intend to take this internship then we shall simply have to find another time to train you."

"I do, I mean, intend to take this. I'm sorry if this upsets your plans, Sensei, but I need to start moving forward instead of just catching up."

"I kind of figured you'd say that," Aizawa-sensei nods. "Alright, I'll get it set up. You'll be leaving with the other students Monday morning. I'll be explaining the details in homeroom so pay attention. All Might knows your sponsor so I'll leave it to him, just be back in your seat before the final bell." Sensei says as he shuffles back into classroom.

"So you know who sponsored me?" Izuku asks, turning to look up at his hero.

"A-ah, yes, I do," All Might says, clearing his throat several times. Izuku begins to wonder what kind of person his sponsor could be to make All Might of all people anxious.

"His name is Gran Torino, he's a pro hero from the old days and he's been long since retired. He taught at Yuuei for one year and was, in fact, my homeroom teacher. He's a very good teacher and a skilled hero." Izuku is getting very concerned with how nervous All Might looks, is he actually shaking? "But he's very tough and has no patience for failure; you'll learn a lot I'm sure but you need to be careful around him."

"I-I will, sir!" Izuku squeaks as he imagines a tall, menacing man with a terrifying quirk. "Uh, since you know him, do you know why he picked me of all people?"

"O-oh, well I'm sure he saw your potential and wanted to help foster your growth. Now you best get back inside so you don't miss anything, you've got a big week coming up." Toshinori says, smiling down at his student. "I'm not sure of your normal exercise routine but try not to do anything strenuous over the weekend. This internship will require all your strength and skill."

"Yes, I understand, All Might, I wont let you down," Young Midoriya says with an earnest expression. "I'll tell you know how it goes when I get back!" The boy says with a final wave before disappearing back into his classroom and sliding the door shut. Toshinori lets out a deep breath and quickly makes his way down the hall, hoping to make it back to the teacher's lounge before he reverts back to his true form.

No one had been more surprised than him when Young Midoriya got a last minute nomination and from his old mentor of all people. He'd nearly keeled over right there. The boy has only been in the hero system for about a day which means Torino had been waiting for him to be put up.

None of the other teachers had actually expected the quirkless student to get nominated so it was quite the surprise. It had been the gossip among the staff this morning, who Gran Torino was and what he wanted with Young Midoriya. But Toshinori is the only one who actually knows the man and he's more than certain that Torino had a very specific reason for sponsoring the boy...

Toshinori enters the teacher's lounge, thankfully empty at this time and powers down with a sigh. It's getting tougher to remain in his All Might form. The strain of One For All is starting to be too much for his broken boy. He coughs into his handkerchief and stumbles over to the couch where he can hopefully rest for a little bit before his afternoon class or some world-ending disaster, whatever comes first. Toshinori is just getting comfortable when his phone buzzes in his pocket.

"Goddammit," he mutters, fishing it out. "Hello?" he croaks as another cough hits him.

"You sound like hell," a gravely old voice says and just like that Toshinori is 15 again, getting his lunch beaten out of him. A strangled gasp escapes his throat as he violently sits up before dissolving into another coughing fit. How long has it been since he's heard that voice? Years for certain but Gran Torino sounds just as commanding as he did back in the day. "At least pass on your power before you kick the bucket."

"Why are you-" he hesitates, "wait, this is about Young Midoriya, your sponsorship, right?"

"No, I'm calling about the dry cleaning, of course I'm calling about the boy, you idiot! The internships start next week and I haven't heard diddly squat from the school."

"You just turned in the form this morning." Toshinori says, his annoyance partially outweighing his anxiety. "We just got around to confirming it with the young man not five minutes ago."

"Well that's your problem for not making the kid available until the last second," Torino snaps. "And more to the point, it's your damn fault for making me come out of retirement to do this in the first place!"

"I-"

"I know you Toshinori. I probably know you better than anyone in that uppity school," Torino barrels on ahead. "I knew the second I saw that boy beating on Endeavor's kid that you'd be considering him as your successor. Hell, I'm surprised you haven't offered it up already." Torino pauses, "you haven't have ya?"

"No, but the situation is complicated," Toshinori says, leaning back and rubbing his temple with one hand. "I will admit I've given it some thought but everyone in Japan knows he doesn't have a quirk now. He can't just develop a power like mine out of nowhere, it'd be too suspicious." He pauses and thinks of Young Midoriya's resolute face when he'd first confessed his quirklessness. "Besides, the young man has come far on his own. He's proud of his accomplishments and I don't know if he would even accept."

"I don't remember you being such a coward back in the day," Torino taunts. "Those are minor details that can be worked around and you know it. You're just too scared to give up your power and admit that your time as the Number One is almost up." The truthful statement hangs heavily in the air. "Look, that's why I nominated the kid. I'll check him out since you keep putting it off and see if the kid has the stones to handle One for All. You two knuckleheads can work out the rest."

"I-I appreciate it," Toshinori replies softly.

"Yeah well you better, always gotta clean up your messes for you." The older man sighs. "So the kid's coming Monday, right?"

"Young Midoriya insisted. We'll have the paperwork in by the end of the day."

"Make sure you do," Torino says while the phone crackles with movement. "Damn, I guess I should clean this place up a bit if a kid's gonna be here. Should probably fix up your old room too so he's got somewhere to crash once I'm through beating on him."

"Don't go too hard on him, you hear?" Toshinori says but there's a light smile on his face as he imagines Young Midoriya collapsing in the same broken down room he'd used a very long time ago.

"Well I'm not going to see if he's good enough by tiptoeing around him," Torino grumbles. "But don't worry, he'll come back to you in one piece."

"That's all I can ask I guess," Toshinori mutters. "Thanks again," he says weakly until he's unable to suppress the urge any longer. "You know, it's not just the fear of losing my power that makes me hesitant. I'm just- this was her power. I need to do this right. I screwed up so many things in my life but I can't screw this up. I'm afraid I'll make the wrong choice and ruin everything she stood for."

"Stop being stupid, Toshinori it doesn't suit you," Torino says dismissively. "This isn't something you can know, like a math equation or something. This is something you gotta feel. You were a mess when Shimura found you but she saw something in you and turned you into a hero. Sometimes you gotta trust your gut and make a leap of faith."

He clears his throat, "look, I gotta go. I'll call you in a few days with my thoughts on the kid."

"Okay and, even if this doesn't work out, it was nice talking to you. It's uh been awhile," Toshinori mutters awkwardly.

"Yeah, because you've been too busy out there killing yourself. Take care, Toshinori." Torino says sharply before abruptly hanging up. Despite the rudeness, Toshinori couldn't help but smile. After all these years and the old goat still hasn't changed. Young Midoriya is certainly in for a rough couple of days. The thought brings him back to the reality of the situation as he lays back down and watches the fan spin lazily overhead.

By complete accident, he's stumbled upon a boy who feels right in a way none of Nighteye's other choices have. Despite his deliberate feet dragging, the more he interacts with the boy, the more certain he is that Young Midoriya has what it takes to be a worthy successor. It seems so sudden for such an important choice to be thrust upon him like this. But then he thinks of his happenstance first meeting with Nana and smiles.

He's run into Young Midoriya several times over the last year before he even noticed him. Toshinori can't help but think that this might be fate smacking him over the head. He can't help but wonder if some things were meant to be.

XxX

"You've all got your costumes?" Aizawa-sensei asks in his normal, dry way. "Don't lose them, don't wear them in public without your sponsor and don't embarrass the school. Have a good week, I guess." Tenya look down at the case containing his armor. Since hearing about his brother's injury, all he can feel is a deep emptiness in his chest. He holds the case tightly in his hand. Hopefully he'll be able to fix that this week.

"Iida," he turns to see Uraraka, Midoriya and Todoroki standing there looking sympathetic. The whole class has been treating him delicately ever since the incident. Only Midoriya and Uraraka have been brave enough to try and get him to talk but Tenya always tried to allay their fears. Apparently he hasn't been entirely successful.

"Good luck with your internship," Midoriya says with a shy smile. "I know I sound like a broken record but we're here for you if you need someone to talk to. We are uh kind of..." he trails off and looks awkwardly down at his case. "You-you have my number, if you ever need me during the week." Uraraka nods emphatically while Todoroki just stands there and watches him thoughtfully.

While there have been numerous changes in the class dynamic since Midoriya arrived, Todoroki has by far changed the most. Where previously he was closed off and didn't interact with anyone, he's now more engaged, especially with Midoriya. Considering that Midoriya gave him some pretty significant injuries during the Festival, Todoroki can usually be found hanging around the quirkless boy. Anyone in the class who dares to whisper about Midoriya's ability to be a hero will find themselves on the receiving end of a very cold look from the boy. Uraraka thinks it's a sign of love but Tenya thinks there might be more to it than that.

"I appreciate it, all of you, and I will keep that in mind should I ever need it." Tenya says, faking a friendly smile to soothe their worries. They had their own internships to worry about and, besides, this had nothing to do with them. This is personal. He sees Uraraka and Midoriya wander away with a final wave but Todoroki remains, looking like he's trying to figure something out.

"You're going to Hosu, right?" Todoroki says softly.

"That is correct," Tenya says sharply. Did Todoroki figure out him out? Would he tell Sensei? "And you're working at your father's agency, are you not?"

"I am," the other boy nods. "He's hoping to track down the Hero Killer this week. I might run into you since the villain was last spotted there." Tenya winces but Todoroki isn't done yet. "You should take Midoriya up on his offer to talk; he's very perceptive and kind. I think he can help you."

"I appreciate it but really I am fine," Tenya says tensely. "I must say I'm surprised at your attitude towards Midoriya given his condition. I admire his resolve greatly but I must admit I still have my doubts on his capabilities." Instead of the glare Tenya had expected from his frank assessment, intended to distract Todoroki, he merely looks confused.

"You fought him too, didn't you see it?" Todoroki questions. "He's undoubtedly skilled with his martial arts but there's something about the way Midoriya treats people, the way he fights. I can't describe it other than to say, despite the battle, he made me feel safe for the first time in a long while."

"No, I guess I didn't," Tenya responds slowly, not sure what to make of the strange comment. He looks up at the train schedule. "I'm afraid I really must be going. My train will be arriving momentarily. I wish you luck during your internship." Todoroki stares at him intensely for a moment longer.

"You too Iida, be careful and don't do anything you'll regret." Todoroki says before walking away, his footsteps silent in the noise of the crowd. Todoroki means well but he can't understand what Tenya is feeling right now. He hates to disappoint him, and everyone else, but nothing is going to stop him from avenging his brother.

He turns and walks towards his train, going with open eyes into whatever awaits him in Hosu.

XxX

Izuku knocks on the door to the creepy, abandoned looking building where, supposedly, his mentor will be waiting. He'd spent a good portion of his weekend trying to find any information on Gran Torino, the man who taught at Yuuei for just one year and, even years later, still scared the pants off of All Might. He knocks again and it echoes listlessly. Strange.

He tries the door and finds it open. Izuku frowns, there's something not right about this situation. He pulls out his new bō, courtesy of Hatsume, and has it ready by his side as he enters the building. "H-hello? I'm uh, I'm a student from Yuuei's Hero course? You uh nominated me?"

He takes a few steps in and freezes, there's an old man lying in a puddle of what looks to be blood on the floor. His natural urge is to scream but he clamps that down and focuses. Izuku's staff is whipped out to it's full length as he quickly assesses the area for the person who'd done this before racing forward. There's still a chance the man may be alive and Izuku knows some basic first aid, that should be enough until the ambulance arrives-

"I'm alive!" the old man yells, lifting his head up suddenly and this time Izuku does actually scream because what the hell is happening. Izuku had whipped his staff around unconsciously until it's right in the old man's face. He should probably move that. "Who are you?" the old man asks as he shakily gets to his feet, seemingly unconcerned with Izuku and the weapon aimed at him. If this is a joke by his teachers, Izuku is going to be furious.

"I'm Midoriya Izuku," he says, feeling annoyed that he may have just wasted his time and optimism, again. "I'm looking for Gran Torino? He's a hero who sponsored me, I was told to meet him at this address."

"What?" the old man asks, holding his hand to his ear. "You're going to have to speak up, sonny. Are you a friend of Toshinori's?" Izuku takes a deep breath and leans down to the older man's level. No matter what's going on, he can't bring himself to be rude to such a sweet, old man.

"I said-" Izuku finds a small but powerful fist in his face. He's thrown back a bit before he brings his staff up to defend but the old man has already moved, perching on a couch on the far side of the room. Izuku rolls his jaw, that was a good punch from someone who couldn't stand a minute ago. Was that all an act? "Gran Torino, I presume?"

"You're not as dumb as you look and believe me, you looked pretty dumb there for a minute." Gran Torino says in a gravely voice, all traces of earlier confusion gone as his wrinkled face becomes hard. Faster than Izuku can follow, the man is speeding forward and kicks his foot right into Izuku's face, forcing him to ground. "Are you sure Yuuei sent the right boy? I asked for the kid who fought all the way to second place in the Sports Festival."

"And I asked for a mentor who would treat me with respect and not resort to stupid tricks so I guess no one is getting what they want today." Izuku says, wiping the dirt from his face as he sits up because he's annoyed and excited and terrified all at once.

"Oh ho, testy aren't we? Yeah, I yanked your chain a little bit," the old man grins and it reminds Izuku of his master. "So what are you going to do about it, boy? Come at me and show me what you showed those kids you fought." Izuku smiles back as he settles into his stance, his bō ready in front of him. Gran Torino has some sort of speed quirk. Whatever it is, it's not something Izuku will be fast enough to keep up with but he might be able to predict where the man will go.

Gran Torino rushes forward again, Izuku grits his teeth as he tries to aim his staff at the incoming projectile but Torino dodges midair and plants both feet into Izuku's gut before using him to jump off. He stumbles backwards, only staying upright by using his bō to stabilize him.

Izuku watches Torino continue to bounce around the walls like a pinball. There'd been a jet of air when Torino had pushed off him so it seems like a propulsion quirk which gave the man speed, mobility and impressive force. He'd have a hard time defending against such a versatile quirk.

The next time the hero speeds his way, Izuku is able to duck, but his staff doesn't even come close when he tries to strike the hero. This is pathetic, he can't even land a single hit on a man old enough to be his grandfather. Torino lands above his doorway and sneers down at Izuku.

"Not as easy as the Sports Festival, is it kid? That's because all of your opponents, save the kid with the explosions, were going easy on you on account of you being quirkess. You got potential all right but you're not going to get anywhere at Yuuei or in the real world if people keep pulling their punches. Since they weren't taking proper care of you, I figured it was up to me."

Yes, this is exactly what he was looking for. Someone who would look at him and not see someone who needed to be protected but someone who had the opportunity to be powerful in his own way. He'd almost gotten used to being coddled that the blunt approach is like a breath of fresh air. So this is the man who taught All Might.

"Please give me everything you've got, sir." Izuku says seriously, calculating in his head his advantages and how he can use them. "Because I'm certainly going to."

"Oh you'll come to regret those words," Torino says, jumping off the wall with such speed, it cracked. So clearly he's not concerned with collateral damage to his home. Good to know. The man bounces past him in a way meant more to intimate than hurt, Izuku doesn't even bother trying to hit him. He's too busy trying to focus on Gran Torino's movements, the time he needs to cross the room and how to predict his next location when he ricochets off of Izuku's back. Torino lands on the his microwave, smashing it to bits.

"Come on kid, I know you can do better than this. You tore through Endeavor's kid and gave that explosion brat a run for his money. Show me that you're worth my time." The man demands, speeding forward again. Izuku is tired of constantly being on the defensive so he plants his staff on the ground and jumps up to meet Torino in the air with his fist ready to greet him. But the hero has more mobility than he'd anticipated and course corrects midair to slam Izuku hard into the floor before bouncing around some more.

How is he supposed to land a hit when he moves faster than Izuku can think? He frowns, Iida is faster than Izuku, probably faster than Gran Torino too, and Izuku was able to beat him. And he did it not by being strong but by being smart and a bit sneaky. He gets back to his feet while his sponsor continues to whirl around like a blur.

Torino comes around again and it looks like he's tired of using Izuku as a springboard as his hand is outstretched, ready to drive him into the floor again.

Izuku is able to dodge and, now that he's got a better approximation of the other's speed, he brings his staff up to the point where he knows Gran Torino will be and swings. For a second, Izuku dares to think it will connect but instead the man bats the bō out of his way. Izuku grunts in aggravation as he falls back into his stance. He's getting closer though and that's something.

"You're intelligent and you've got a good ability to predict but that will only get you so far." Torino shouts from the other side of the room. He's right, all he's doing is reacting now, he needs to go on the offensive. Izuku spies the couch in the middle of the room and a hesitant plan comes to mind. He dashes under the couch and waits a second or two. "You think a real villain will give you the opportunity to hide and collect your thoughts? Well you're-"

Torino had been in the upper left corner ceiling when Izuku had gotten under his couch, assuming he didn't change his trajectory, Izuku knows exactly where he's going to be. Once he hears the man jump off the wall, Izuku rolls out from under the couch and readied himself. He likes to imagine that's surprise on the old man's face as Izuku swings his staff in his direction.

Everyone always thinks the quirkless kid is trying to hide, why do they never guess he's manipulating their expectations? There's something very satisfying about the way the bō slams into Torino's side, directing him off course. The man still lands fairly gracefully on floor a short distance away.

"Using your opponent's perception of your weakness against them, that's good." Torino says with a dry grin he as he rubs at his side. "All Might sure as hell didn't teach you that trick."

"Well when I'm as strong as All Might then I'll worry about fighting fair," Izuku retorts.

"Ha!" the old man barks. "Alright put that staff down, kid, we're done for now. You're off to a good start but you've got a long way to go if you wanna go pro."

"I know sir, that's why I'm here." Izuku says relaxing only slightly, if Torino come at him again, he'll be ready. "I'm already at a massive disadvantage being quirkless, I need to be twice as skilled just to keep up."

"At least you understand the stakes," Torino nods. "You have a very long day ahead of you, brat. First, I'm going to tell you exactly what you did wrong just now and how to do better next time."

"And after that?" Izuku asks.

"Why, you're going to show me I wasn't wrong in sponsoring Yuuei's first quirkless hero." Gran Torino says with a toothy grin that promises an afternoon of insults and pain. Izuku can't wait.

It's late, very late, by the time Izuku is directed to a dirty, dust covered spare bedroom in Gran Torino's home. He's sore all over and he's pretty sure he's going to look like he got jumped by a gang tomorrow but he feels good. The pain feels like progress after too long of standing still.

He collapses on the bed which smells like dirt and sweat. Doesn't matter, too tired. Gran Torino says tomorrow is going to be twice as hard as today so he needs to be well rested so he's at least halfway prepared. He's on the cusp of unconsciousness when he notices an unread message on his phone.

Glowstick: How's it goin? U r at ur internship right?

Izuku smiles, he's missed them. Their concern even though he's not in their class anymore means a lot

MightyBoy: Yea, I'm so tired

IcyHot: This was the hero no one's ever heard of, right?

MightyBoy: Gran Torino, yeah, he's, Izuku searches for the right word, something else

Vampira: But is he helping?

MightyBoy: He's not going easy on me

MightyBoy: I finally feel like I'm moving forward

MindController: That's good

MightyBoy: Btw Shinsou, I talked to my homeroom teacher

MightyBoy: Since he's not working with me this week he said he might stop by ur class and check u out

MightyBoy: I wore him down with how there's unappreciated talent in 1-C

MindController: You did what now

Glowstick: I CAN'T LOSE HITOSHI TOO!1!1

Izuku snickers to himself as the chat explodes. The pleasant buzzing of his phone beneath him, reminiscent of so many nights spend this past term staying up late and texting with his friends. It's comforting to know that the more things change, the more things stay the same. Izuku is tempted to check in on a few of his friends in 1-A but it's late and they're probably tired from their own internships.

He's still worried about Iida, the other boy hadn't seemed right when they'd said goodbye at the train station but he doesn't feel right texting him out of the blue. They've only been classmates a week and he's not sure it's his place to butt into Iida's personal issues. Eventually, even these thoughts can't keep awake any longer and he drifts off, his phone still buzzing warmly in his hand.

#fic: The Long Way Around #boku no hero academia #bnha fics

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etherealskeletons · 4 years

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every single drug addict flocks to my dad as soon as they see him i swear to god

i dont wanna seem like a huge fucking dick or anything but i hate it and wish they would leave him/us alone bc my dad will literally put these strangers first and will drop everything in his power to help them

and i feel BAD for them ofc and i realize it makes me sound like a huge fuckin asshole to be like please dont give them your time/money!! it sucks and its a terrible disease and i hope that they get the help that they need, but i hate that my dad always seems to get roped into driving them to their drug dealers house and give them money “for pizza” or have them work around the house “for pizza money” like i just!! i dont feel safe having them around i dont like it and i tell him htis but hes always like “I cant help it im a humanitarian i feel bad for them, these druggie old men are like my sons :(( lol ur so funny when ur mad”

i end up worrying a lot when hes gone dropping them off who fuckin knows where bc idk if these guys are desperate enough to mug him or if he ends up in the wrong place/time and gets caught in some crossfire and hes like ohh thats just ur anxiety talking that prolly wont happen you think too much in extremes these guys that i barely know seem harmless but i just fhfhbh!!!!! HATE it i hate it i hate it. i feel like if he were to die i have no choice but to die myself because i feel like i habe no one and i have no real life skills or any idea on how to live/be an adult and i would feel like a piece of me died and idk how to live like that idkidkidk

i just dont wanna get wrapped up in druggie weirdos again i already spent nearly my entire life around them. i had to watch my mom nod off on the couch and pawn my shit for drugs and get dragged into her drug therapy appointments and be around her creepy friends. i watched as my relatives dug through my stuff and my grandparents stuff for drug money [or theyd jus go into my grandmothers medicine drawer and steal her pain killers to get high] my dad knows all this too bc he lived through it too like its nothing NEW and he knows its not good to enable them and he knows how anxious i get around these guys and how i dont like that hes ignoring his own wellbeing to try and take care of others

and maybe im more frustrated/upset about it bc he admitted that he was pretty negligent to me growing up and how hes super sorry about how he raised me. i ALWAYS felt like hes always cared about other people more than me and cared for everyone elses well being more than his own and my well being theres always some excuse and he ends up laughing when im upset bc its funny but then he does his own sob story like “WELL i never said i was a perfect person, i have mental illness too yknow!!” and starts crying and then i feel like im becoming my mother because all she ever did was make me feel guilty and bad and made me cry all the time and i feel like im becoming her anytime im mad nad i hate it i hate it i hate that im anything like her

but my GOD LIKE I FUCKIN KNOW YOURE MENTALLY ILL ive lived iwth you my ENTIRE LIFE and im pretty sure you and everyone else in this cursed family passed some fucking mental issues to me. and i want YOU TO GO TO THERAPY and WORK ON YOURSELF and actually do it instead of going i know i know ur right i know i should im going to start bettering myself bc i dont like to see you all worked up but then you dont!!!!!! you dont and we go through this all over again where i feel like im gonna fucking scream and throw up because im so anxious that you might die sooner rather than later because you dont take care of yourself and you hang around sketchy people!!!!!!

its just extremely frustrating watching someone you care about, who already has a lot of problems, completely ignore themself and throw money they should be putting on themself to some doe-eyed drug addicted old men

i feel like complete shit complaining about this

#💀.txt #diary

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felixeslee · 7 years

Text

92 q tag

hello this tag is highkey irrelevant now but it’s been in my drafts for ages so !! laskdgjasodigjsaldkgasodigjasdg which is why i wont b tagging anyone bc im so late but !! yeah !! ok !! !!!!!!!!!1111!!! lets !! go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tagged by @hyuunjins @hyunjinh @straykiz and @dae-hwee from my w1 blog (lmaoo hi pindi this is sarah!! AIddgsdfk if youre aware of this blog but hope its ok if i do it here alskdg )

rules: once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged.

🌙 LAST

Drink: the water that I drank this morning!! Aka around 12 hrs ago asdgasdgoij pls stay hydrated kids

Text Message: i texted my brother if he knew where my dad was lol,,,,,,, sldkjgaosidgj

Phone Call: CALLED MY BROTHER BC HE WASNT RESPONDING MY TEXTS,,,,, he also didn’t pick up ldskgjsoidgjsldkgsjdg

Song you listened to: Goodbye My Love by Aileeeee <3 lovv

Time you cried: TODAY ,,,, i was getting super anxious bc i didn’t know where my dad was ??? he was supposed to pick me up but he forgot abt me until like an hr later… sldkgjaosidgj

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: no :00 lmao i’ve never dated… ever alskdjgaoijsdf

Kissed someone and regretted it: i havent had my first kiss yet HEH

Lost someone special: unfortunately, yes :(

Been depressed: sdgksjadoiglskdfosdijgalskdfaosdigjaksdgoaisdjf idk

Been drunk and thrown up: lmao i’ve never drank ,,, at all,,,, the smell of alchohol scares me,,,,, evn my little brother has had a sip once and he’s 5 yrs younger LMAO ,,, but im a noob and don’t wanna try sldkgjosidjgs

🌙 IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: yay yes yeslgkdgsdf

Fallen out of love: i dont think i’ve ever evn been in love…. Sdlgksjdoigj

Met someone who changed you: yes,,,,,,,,,

Found out who your true friends are: uhhhh idk aslkdgjaosidjf i honestly can never tell when someone’s being a fake friend so!!!!!! Idk honestly lmao

Found out someone was talking about you: i did ! but it wasn’t for anything bad or anything……… they just criticized me behind my back?? But i agreed w their criticism so alsdkjgaosidgj

🌙 GENERAL

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: ummm,,,, like 4?? We r mutuals evn though none of them r actually kpop blogs,,,, so i always feel guilty spamminig their aesthetic feed w my screaming tags and annoying shit LMAO but i lov them <3

Do you have any pets?: NO :”( I WANT A DOGGO THO …. REALLY BAD…..

Do you want to change your name?: uhhh ik so many sarahs its not evn funny and my last name is hella basic too????? Theres 3 ppl that share my first+last name in my school alone….. So maybe i’d change it to my chinese name (yue) ?? also bc it sounds more sophisticated,, and i lov anything that makes me sound smarter than the reality of my dumb self LOL

What time did you wake up this morning: LOL so my alarm rings at 6:40 but i get out of bed at 7:10 SLDGKJSODIF … and i need to get out of the house by 7:20 lsdkgsdoig

What were you doing last night: physics and apush :SLDGJOSIDFJ the 2 most dreaded classes UGH

Something you cannot wait for: DINNER .. i love me some gud dinner

Have you ever talked to a person named tom?: thomas jefferson my mAN

What’s getting on your nerves right now: when it’s so heckin cold i can’t concentrate + i hate taking notes when it’s cold??? Bc then my hands r like half numb and it HURTS WHEN I TAKE NOTES sldkgsoidjf ALSO WHEN I DRAW ,,,,, STIFF FINGERS R THE WORST WHEN DRAWING

Blood type: i think a????????????

Nickname: my most common ones r swisso + salad (i promise these make sense in context LOL )

Relationship status: return NullPointerException; //im a cs person,,, dont judge

Zodiac sign: capricorn!

Pronouns: she + her

Favorite show: i dont watch many shows but i love watching a gud studio ghibli movie when im feelin down

College: this QUESTION LSDKGJSODIGJ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i wanna go to college but will any accept me ??!?!

Hair colour: its naturally black but it’s currently dyed ombre from black → brown !!!!!!

Do you have a crush on someone: i havent had a legit crush in 3 yrs lmao…….

What do you like about yourself: the fact that im a deep sleeper. Idk how light sleepers function omg like wouldn’t u wake up to like,,,,, everything??! :((( that makes me sad bc u hav no idea how much i lov a nice long undisturbed slumber

🌙 FIRSTS

First surgery: okAY so like i've had 2 procedures done on my eyes lmaooo like (1) when i was a smol beb of like 1 yr old i rolled off my bed aaaannnnddd the corner of my eye hit the edge of the sharp corner of the bedside table!!! and then y1ke$ things got ugly loll (((yes, i wuz dum + clumsy since the day i popped from the womb))) its all stitched up now and i hav a tinie tinie scar aslkdgs okay and (2) there was something weird abt my tearducts LOL so u know when u get sad nd stuff ur nose gets runny and u sniff a lot??? well like that wasn't the case for me bc the passage way from my eyes to my nose was completely blocked off,,,,, which resulted in me lookin like i was full blown cryin like every 2 seconds... like if i kept my eyes open for too long my eyes would get watery and tears would flow out LMAO ,,,, i looked like i just never stopped crying,,, but it was just my eyes were just ALWAYS WATERING sdlgjsdif damn u have no idea after the procedure i was like 'do ppl live like this??? not having to wipe tears every 0.2 sec??? oh my god,,, i am livin THE LIFE'

First piercing: i hav no piercings!!! Bc stabbing holes thru myself scares me sdlkjgsoidg but i love the way earrings look tho so ://///

First sport you joined: dance or gymnastics???? I dont rly remember

First vacation: CHINA prob????

First pair of sneakers: i think sketchers LMAO ,,, the big thing

🌙 RIGHT NOW

Eating: nothing!!!!!

I’m about to: do som sketches for my AP art class

Listening to: my dad sing som old chinese folk stuff behind me LOL

Want kids: i already adopted all 9 members of stray kids tho ??? idk if im ready for more atm

Get married: LOL This question just reminded me of smol story from my childhood: so like i used to b rly close w these 3 other kids,,,, one other girl and 2 guys,,, and our parents were all rly tight too,, and our four families would just go camping together and it was rly :’’D fun and so we all made a pact that I would marry one of the guys and the other girl would marry the other guy and we’d all go camping together forever but then KINDERGARTEN HIT,,,, we moved schools and yeah im still rly close w the girl but i miss the 4 of us dkgjsodigjsdlkgsdf LOL

Career: waterbottle 🌙

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: eyes? Eh idk i just never rly considered lips ?? LOL

Hugs or kisses: hugs? I dont hav experience w kisses so sldkgjsoidgjsd yike syikes yikes

Shorter or taller: TALLER

Troublemaker or hesitant: uhhhhh neither??? Like i just want someone playful + extroverted bc im quite introverted,,,,,,,,,, so if he was hesitant we’d just b super awkward and quiet,,, and i don’t like getting involved w sketchy troublemaker shit either LOL ,,,

Older or younger: as long as they r in the same school grade level,,,, and i guess 1-2 yrs older is okaY? But lowkey freaks me out if too old

Romantic or spontaneous: sldkgjsoidfj both? Like i lov someone who is unpredictable and spontaneous,,,, but on the other hand im lowkey a helpless romantic lasdkgjaoisdjf

Sensitive or loud: both i guess too??? Its good to have someone understanding and sensitive but also someone who knows how to have fun :)

Hookup or relationship: hookups,,,,,,,, just dont make sense to me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i get attached to someone p easily so even if i dont plan on being attached,,,, i’d probably get attached :(

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: YIKES no

Drank hard liquor: nO

Lost contacts/glasses: UH I HATE THIS BUT YES…..

Sex on first date: yikes * (6.02 *10^23) adkgaosidjgaslkdf no thaNK you

Broken someone’s heart: i dont know,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i might’ve but maybe im just not aware ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but on a sidenote i think my old comupter science teacher gets a migrain everytime he sees me LOLLLLLL sdlgjsoidgjsldf

Been arrested: no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :0

Turned someone down: yeah lmao i kinda feel bad tho bc they were all good ppl,,,, lskjgosidjf but thankfully im still good friends and pretty tight w all of them ~

🌙 DO YOU BELIEVE

In yourself: ocassionally i try to :’’D

Miracles: lol yes

Love at first sight: i used to ? but not anymore,,,, like i believe u can be attracted to someone at first sight ?? but i feel like love cannot be attained thru visual contact only asldgjoasidjalsdg

#sarah: tag #LMAO sry for the random stories here nd there #and i wrote this like 2 weeks ago so yeah .l LMAO #thank u all for tagging me i luh u all <333 #lSDKGJOSDIGJSDG

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anislandintime · 4 years

Text

I think to quit and exit is the only way left, the only way out.

Life has let me down again and each time when I have told myself it cant be worse than this, life has taken it up as a challenge and proven me wrong. Things have been just getting worse and worse. It feels like life is just laughing at me. I feel ridiculed by life.

When GF came to meet SB, it felt so nice. She had taken a bus during the pandemic travelling for 15-16 hrs just to meet him. They were meeting for the first time. Her plan was to stay for a week but ended up staying for three weeks. They had a good time. When she arrived SB told her that he decided to give their relationship a chance only after I suggested him to give it a chance and let his guards down. Both thanked me greatly. Well, while I am happy for them, I dont understand why things had to just go wrong for me in the relationship I pursued in a similar fashion?

UB came to stay with us for a night when K’s roommate’s parents were in town. That night over a long conversation he mentioned of how J’s toxic friendship had affected him deeply and its impact was seen in eroded ability to trust and connect with people. All of this, he said, changed only when K came into his life.

Life, please tell me why do you give solution and liberation to all except me? I am unable to tell how the narcissistic abuse of ND has crippled me from within. I neither get a healing touch nor do I find a shoulder to cry on. Worse, I dont even find words to explain what is happening to me. I continue to suffer in silence with absolutely no hope of recovering ever.

UB also got the job, that I too had applied for. I was instrumental in him finally getting into this stream. Now he has gotten the job I am desperately in need of. He too was aiming for it. But given his cultural capital he could have opted for another job and he had the luxury to stretch his hand and leg in those directions, which I clearly dont have. But he wants a life of comfort. Hence he is seeking this one. It is isnt crime to seek comfort. But what is a life of comfort and ease for him is my hope for a sustainable life for I do not have the cultural capital to reach out to anything else. I think I am going to be bankrupt soon, with no job in hand and no projects coming my way.

SG texted saying she and ID are getting married next month. When I saw the text, I literally jumped off my seat and gave a punch in the air. I can never forget how SG had wept uncontrollably by the sea one evening recollecting how her extended family had beaten her, her parents and her sisters when they found out that her eldest sister was dating a Christian. The memories of it haunted her every time she thought of telling her parents about ID. But now, she says her parents and sister are fully supportive of her and she doesnt care what the extended family thinks. She sounded very happy and I am happy for her.

Such news make me unbelievably happy. But at night when I finally switch off all the lights and try going to sleep... There is only one question which comes down like a lightening and strikes me hard. WHY DOESNT ANYTHING GOOD HAPPEN TO ME EVER? WHY LOVE IS SO ELUSIVE? WHY PROFESSIONAL SUCCESS OR SUCCESS IN RELATIONSHIP PERPETUALLY ABSENT IN MY LIFE?

Mother is unwell. Father is unwell. The times when Mother was hospitalized drained me out completely. I dont know how will I manage all this, with no support- physically and even emotionally- and also with no income. To add to these, my own mental health is collapsing. The severe damage caused by ND’s narcissistic abuse has made me perpetually nervous, anxious and also feel perpetually threatened. By what, from whom- no clarity. But I constantly feel I am under threat and I am about to be attacked. I feel severely insecure and unsafe. The abuse has left me in a state where I am unable to trust anyone and I feel disconnect from everything and everyone. All of these has made it difficult for me to even speak of what I am going through, to friends or even to strangers. I cant trust anyone anymore. I feel uneasy throughout. Is this what they call as PTSD? I dont know. What did I do to deserve all these? All I did was love this girl and see only goodness in her. And it turns out that she only abused me, manipulated me, exploited me and even without me realizing it, fractured my soul and destroyed me. She even had the audacity to repeatedly text me asking how my mother is doing. Wonder where she got to know about it from. I wouldnt be surprised if AN was the source of news for her. That idiot of a friend who took pleasure in turning my pain, my suffering into a spectacle- something to derive entertainment from! How foolish of me to have trusted him for so long as a friend! Was it him or was it AG? I dont know. I dont know who to trust anymore. Why did ND repeatedly text me? Even call me! She also sent a mail. I did not bother replying to the texts or even the mail. Did not answer the calls. I did not want to have any form of communication with her, especially after that accusatory mail she sent when I shared with her a paper, which I thought would be useful to her. She made it sound like I was being intrusive and pushy and also unwelcome. Later she doesnt mind repeatedly texting me, calling me. Had I called or even texted her, she would have brought down the sky screaming and shouting and unleashing violence on me. But when she does it, it is to be perceived as an act of kindness and concern. Even if it is done just so that she can convince herself that she is kind and concerned and not because she actually has any concern. What a performative life she leads; where she lies to herself and believes in her own lies! She is more interested in coming across as a good human than becoming a good human. When I did not reply to her texts or mails and when I did not answer her calls, she made AS- her friend- call me, text me. When his father was unwell earlier in the year, I used to check up on his father’s health condition often and also extend my moral support to him. And he chooses to become a ‘flying monkey’ to a narcissist? Or may be he doesnt know of the ways in which his friend caused hurt and wound to me and the core of my being. I abruptly ended the conversation when he called me from an unknown number. I did not return the call as I promised. He texted me later on. I replied to it after a day or two. He doesnt bother replying to that. But then ND calls me. I dont know why after some days I felt I was holding grudge like ND does and in order to be not like ND, I decided to reply to her mail and I did. She doesnt bother to reply to that. Probably she was satisfied knowing that the person who she wronged and damaged, doesnt mind replying to her; which helps her showcase the world and make herself believe that she isnt a bad person and more importantly she has control over the people she has abused also. So no reply. She persistently called and texted to make herself believe that she is not ignored, not neglected. Once she gets to know that the other person, though wronged and hurt by her, still writes back to her, she is more than happy; her ego is boosted and she goes back to her silence, her way of showing her power and her control. She constantly says how abusive her father is. I dont know him but from whatever I know of him through her, I must say that if at all he endorses his way of being, then he must be super proud of her daughter for she has outsmarted him in becoming abusive, toxic, exploitative and harmful. If at all ND rejects her father’s ways of being, then she must also be disgusted by herself and must not forgive herself ever because she has been no less to her father in being abusive, toxic and exploitative. I replied to her mail not because I wanted to strike a conversation but because I did not want to become like her. So, I also wrote her a mail after few days when TV news spoke of floods in her ancestral town. Immediately she texted me on WhatsApp, in an extremely friendly tone. I replied to that in a cold tone because I did not know how she would react. When I replied in a friendly manner to her query about my mother’s health, she went silent. When I had earlier replied elaborately to her mail spelling out how SN had plagiarized her thoughts, my long mail expressing solidarity and offering understanding was responded to with silence and later an accusatory mail! Even when in July she called wanting to clear things and sort things, when I spelled out what hurt me, she not just swung sword of words at me but also made it sound like I was the one causing hurt and told me that her therapist had advised her to stay away from me, as if I was the one hurting her! Any way, after telling me that she wants to disconnect from me, she texted me within an hour asking if she can check on me once in a while. When I responded to that in a friendly manner, saying we should probably together meet a therapist as suggested by her, she replied in an extremely hurtful way and arrogant way saying her ONLY problem in life was me! After that she blocked me on WhatsApp. Every time I have tried to be friendly with her she only attacks and accuses. Her constant flips and backflips are mindfucking and toxic. I dont know how to deal with her, nor do I know how to heal from the aftereffects of the trauma she caused... and also, I dont know how to deal with the love and compassion I still have for her somewhere deep inside of me. I hate myself for this.

Life, please be kind to me and end your relation with me this very night. I do not wish to wake up tomorrow morning. Please leave me. I wont hold you accountable at the door of death. But I beg you, please let me die and leave me. I am done. I am tired. All I sought in my entire life was some genuine love and some real deep connections. Even that was not made available to me, even if in a small percentage. I certainly deserved a better life. But it is okay, I wont complain. Now, I want to take the exit door and leave. I am tired. This pain, this loneliness, this suffering... all are just unbearable now. Death, please do not be like life. Please embrace me. Hold me in your arms and take me with you. Tonight.

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