#i hope i didn’t overdo it on the stuffy talk? or underdo it?

[sunsetsnz]

reassurance

summary: seph is having a hard time with the flu, and jonathan is there to console him through a particularly rough moment.

notes: sfw, some swearing. there isn’t actually much snz in this (technically two?) but there is plenty of illness/whump/comfort if you’re into that <3

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Seph reaches for his water bottle in its usual place on the nightstand to attempt a sip. He winces. The cool water is momentarily soothing, but with his inflamed throat and swollen lymph nodes, swallowing is torture.

He's curled up in a miserable ball of infection in his own bed, head pounding with dull congestion, stuffed up to hell and back, shivers and aches running through him like tremors before an earthquake. He hasn't had the flu in quite a few years, and it's hitting him like a fucking train.

The arm nestled around his shoulders belongs to one Jonathan Dempsey, who’s watching this with quiet concern and trying his best to be subtle about it. His slightly bushy brows furrow when Seph swallows and whimpers, visibly in pain. His free hand reaches up to tuck a stray braid behind Seph's ear.

“I'm sorry, I know it hurts…”

Seph’s heart sinks in his chest. He feels so utterly pathetic right now he could cry, but he doesn’t want to look ridiculous in front of Jonathan.

“It’s dot your fault,” he croaks. Fuck, talking really hurts too.

They've been trying to watch a shared comfort movie in bed with the lights dimmed, at Seph's request, because anything bright physically hurts. Except it's not helping much tonight…nothing seems to be. His head is swimming too much to concentrate, he's shivering and sweating and nothing feels comfortable no matter what position he's in. He just feels…absolutely wretched and useless.

“I know,” Jonathan murmurs. “I just wish I could do more for you.”

With a weak sigh, Seph buries his aching face in his boyfriend’s fisherman sweater. It’s about the only thing bringing him any kind of comfort right now. Jonathan hugs him to his chest, rubbing his nose on the fuzzy sections of hair where each twist braid begins.

Seph loves having such a human pillow for a boyfriend, always wearing soft clothes and down to cuddle…but being touched and held in this state is reminding him just how gross and repulsive he looks and feels. It’s not the first time Jonathan has seen Seph ill, but he’s never been this bad in front of him before.

The irony of all this is not lost on Seph, either. He’s fully aware of how stupid these feelings are, considering his own kink, and how into Jonathan’s sneezes, allergies and colds he always is. It’s certainly never put him off. But he still can’t help the way he feels about himself, and it makes him feel even more pathetic.

The truth is that he honestly doesn't really want anyone to see or perceive him like this…even Jonathan. Especially Jonathan.

Yet here he is, lying in his partner's arms, snotting and breathing his contagiousness all over him. Shame and disgust begin to bubble up inside him as he thinks about how disgusted by him Jonathan probably is right now.

He starts to pull away from the embrace, and is met with a perplexed look.

“What's wrong?”

“I—” Seph's voice catches dangerously. Wearily he closes his eyes, knowing he has no strength to keep his emotions at bay right now but still trying to fight it anyway. “I just—”

Sitting up further, Jonathan nods for him to go on.

“I feel disgustig,” he eventually chokes out, hot tears pricking his eyes.

Jonathan looks confused again for a fraction of a second. When he realises that Seph means it literally, his face falls. “Wait, what?” He reaches out, touching Seph's knee. “You’re not! Oh, Seph, of course you're not.”

Humiliated by his own vulnerability, Seph turns away from him. “I'b sorry. You shouldd't even be anywhere near be right now...”

“Please don’t say that.”

“Sittig here, breathig all over you…it's gross. I'll make you sick, too.”

Shaking his head, Jonathan frowns. “You know I don't care about that.”

Back still turned, Seph's shoulders slump, voice cracking as the first of a stream of tears spills over and escapes down his cheek. “Well I do.”

Jonathan's entire being softens. Taking a second to pause the movie, he turns his full attention back to him with gentle determination. “Babe, look at me.”

For a moment, the only response he gets is a sniffle.

“Please…”

Wiping his eyes, Seph reluctantly half-turns his body to face him again. His warm brown skin tone is almost ashen, nose running helplessly, teardrops clinging to his eyelashes. He looks so miserable, it's breaking Jonathan's heart.

“You are not disgusting, Seph. Not at all,” Jonathan urges softly, cupping his damp cheek in his palm and brushing away a stray tear with his thumb. “I don't think that, and I'm not letting you believe that either, not for one second. If you don't want me to touch you, that's completely okay, but if it's because you think I'm grossed out, then you're astronomically wrong.”

Seph briefly meets his eyes, a shaky breath escaping his parted lips. “You're dot just sayig that?”

“I'm not.” Leaning in, Jonathan presses their foreheads together, their noses, their lips. “I love you, no matter what condition you're in.”

This seems to be exactly what Seph needed to hear, because his eyes flutter closed with an exhausted sigh. Wordlessly his fingers wrap around Jonathan's wrist, another tear streaking down his cheek.

Jonathan smiles gently, closing his eyes with him. “It's okay to be sick, y'know. It's okay to feel shitty. You're not superhuman, and nobody expects you to be. Least of all me.” He presses a kiss to Seph's burning forehead, murmuring against his skin. “You helped me feel less embarrassed and gross about the things that are out of my control — I'm gonna do the same for you.”

Seph simply nods, letting Jonathan hold him while he calms down, which is answer enough for Jonathan.

As emotions begin to wind down, he reaches for the handkerchief that lives in his pocket and dutifully dabs at his lover's tear-stained face and leaking nostrils. The motion seems to stir up Seph’s oversensitive nose, though, because his breath starts to hitch.

“Heh—heh—!”

Quickly Jonathan clamps the handkerchief over the twitching nose before him, right as Seph explodes into a messy double sneeze.

“—yyISSHUHH! T’ISSCHH-uhhh…”

Jonathan cringes as Seph clutches at his throat in pain once more, shuddering and sighing. Gently he mops his nose for him a second time. “There you go.”

Finally, after allowing himself back into Jonathan's arms and having pressed play on the movie once again, Seph finds his words.

“Sorry for beig such a mess,” he muffles, curling against his chest. Breaking down like that was embarrassing…but he can work on being more okay with that, after he recovers from this nasty flu. Despite the humiliation, it did feel good to let it out to Jonathan and to feel so safe and comforted in return. If it had to happen in front of anyone, he's really glad it was him.

A soft hum comes from atop his head, where Jonathan's chin rests gently. “No more apologising, okay?”

For the first time tonight, Seph's mouth quirks up into the tiniest of smiles. “Okay.”

“Good.” He can't see Jonathan's expression, but he can hear the smile in his voice too. “And no more talking for a while. I can hear how much it hurts to talk, so…rest your throat, love.”

Nodding against his chest, Seph murmurs sleepily in agreement.

“One last thig,” he whispers, reaching up to grasp Jonathan's hand in his own.

“Mm?”

There are many words floating around Seph’s tired mind, all of the sentiments he wishes he could adequately express sitting on the tip of his tongue: Thank you. I'm sorry. I don't deserve you. But he settles on the most important one, the only one that truly encompasses everything he wants to tell him.

“…I really love you.”

He feels Jonathan pull back just a little, and looks up to see that half-grin of his that feels like a patch of warm sunshine all on its own. It's not going to cure him tonight, but it sure isn't hurting.

“I love you too. And I'm not going anywhere.”