#i honestly have no clue how much the professors want me to show about it before they offer lab space

[your-god-empress-lavender]

Even more materials science updates:

First (not materials science), i've been far too quiet about the genocide in Gaza. Not that my platform is very big at all or that my shouting with the crowd will make a big difference, but for all that is still human about me, i can't say nothing about the atrocities happening right now. I recommend that anyone who reads this also reads about the genocide presently occurring. I am far from the best source, but i can recommend Al-Jazeera as one of the best official news sources for the goings on in Gaza. There are also countless Gaza residents who are posting their own experiences and lives on practically any social media site if you want a first-hand account of the genocide.

Second (materials science), the 2 weeks or whatever since i last posted, i've done a lot of research with solid-state synthesis and it is working so well. I've achieved so much better results (the particles are so much more diamagnetic that they can be moved around or thrown around through a much thicker plastic sheet (the added thickness helps extra to prove that the effect isn't just from the warping and flexing of the very weak plastic lids i was using to test the material before) and are strongly enough repelled from a magnet that i have a hard time putting them directly on it). The synthesis is far easier as well as i just have to mix all the chemicals in to a bottle 1/3 full with saturated sodium bicarbonate solution, then leave it to sit for like a day, filter off all the sodium rich water, rinse it with water a few more times, then cook it real hot. Just about every run i've done so far has demonstrated far better results than the last which has really lifted up my spirits. The magnesium has helped a lot. Using majority calcium (5Ca, 1Mg), shows improved results over just Ca, using majority magnesium (5Mg, 1Ca), shows even better results, but unfortunately using all magnesium isn't noticeably better than majority magnesium. I tried doping it with a tiny bit of chromium (yay for stealing 5 grains of potassium chromium sulphate from lab) which appeared to help somewhat, then i tried doping with a tiny bit of boric acid which appeared to help even more which was interesting. Unfortunately, due to work and being very sick for the last week, i have only gotten 1-2 trials done with each new formulation and most certainly am not making the batches consistently. I've noticed that some runs dehydrate and turn from blue to dark brown much faster than others, though it's not exactly clear why. It may be due to the calcination process seeing as batches with higher calcium tend to turn far slower and never have i seen it turn more than just a slightly less bright shade of green (calcium carbonate has the highest calcination temperature of anything else in the mix so it would make sense to me). In some of the runs, i terminated the heating process early simply due to time constraints, something i regret doing. The best batches also tend to be the ones that were the darkest, so i have no doubt that the simple act of heating it more/less dramatically changes the results. Given the fact that every single sample i've made with the solid-state/precipitate synthesis has shown far greater stability (i've yet to notice even the slightest decrease in strength from the first batch, made around 2 weeks ago), i may just try heating the lighter samples again to see if it improves their qualities. All in all, i've been very excited to see how this turned out. Given all that we've learned, i'm fairly surprised it worked at all in the liquid stage and i'm betting that the only reason it did was because of some oxygen displacing some of the chlorine, making it (in some tiny amount), into the oxides. I can further say that the material shows no magnetic properties before being heated which as far as i'm concerned is very strong evidence that the material needs the oxides in order to work (or at the very least, carbonates and hydroxides don't let it do whatever the fuck lets it be so diamagnetic). Some runs have been conducted without washing the precipitate first (usually unintentionally), and while they usually do work somewhat, the results are (far) less spectacular, so inclusion of a large quantity of sodium appears to interfere with its working.

Also, i got 500 grams of copper sulphate pentahydrate. That's 2 moles of soluble copper for less than the price of 100 grams of copper chloride (only like 0.75 moles soluble copper). Not that the only consideration is the copper, the sulphate may be significant in that it may react with calcium or otherwise mess with the reactions, but based on some water test strips a friend gave me, it appears most of the sulphate does get taken up by the sodium and does not react with the calcium (fortunately the calcium gets taken up by the carbonate faster, at least while the bicarbonate is in much higher concentrations than the sulphate). Now, it's still unknown how the copper sulphate will react, i still have some of the copper chloride solution and i intend to fully use it up before i switch due to having a shortage of containers to store the dissolved copper.

[jellolegos]

you mentioned that palaeography in hotd can be considered your special interest, yet the only thing i know about it is that it studies writing in historical context

SO please tell me more?? was it high valyrian that sparked the interest? if it was, what moment did? and has grammar changed over the years? does it have an interrelation with cultural events? i will read literally anything you would like to ramble about

genuine curiosity of a linguistics major

and, cannot miss a chance to say, your art is absolutely utterly stunning :)

thank you in advance!

Oh of course! My apologies, I think I may have been misleading, I've mostly been interested in the type of script they are using in the show. Unfortunately I've always been a bit more numerate rather than literate (as I am certain you'll pick up on as you read my writing, it has never been my strong suit) so honestly I haven't a clue about linguistic aspects! But, I believe the creator of the languages in the HotD/GoT universe is actually on here, his blog is: @dedalvs :)

Mostly what I meant by 'Palaeography' is since we have such a lovely opportunity to see book pages in HOTD I've been very much interested in what script model the artist was attempting to imitate.

I, I think like a lot of other hobbyists of niche interests, am always interested to see what gets translated from real life to screen. Just as I'd imagine you're interested in the conlang aspects of HotD! So I've been really interested to see what they're trying to do with the books in HotD. Without futher ado...

Hotd, Palaeography, and a Needlessly Thorough Examination of a Manuscript Page

All manuscripts I talk about here have clickable digitised links, so if you want to take a peep beyond what I talk about, feel free. They are really lovely manuscripts!

Disclaimer before the yapping commences that I am a Pre-Conquest gal and most of what I'll be talking about is Post-Conquest, and also that my research at a graduate/post-graduate level has been more involved with manuscript materiality (which I am again, happy to talk about, just not on this already-overly-wordy ask), rather purely palaeographic pursuits.

I should also say that none of this analysis is significant for any reason relating to the plot; this is just an examination of the prop art!

Also I am definitely NOT an expert in any way, shape, or form, so there are absolutely things I am missing here, there, everywhere... you have been warned.

Onto the yap...

Explaining the Frame

Before I fully get into it I think it is a little bit important to establish why historians study scripts at all. In a modern world, where writing is ubiquitous and literacy rates are high, it can be sometimes hard to understand why scripts are historically consequential (and why Pre-Reaganite/Thatcherite austerity, there were such things as tenured Professors of Palaeography!).

I think the best way to frame this is to use an example:

Above are two paintings. They are depicting the military action and are created with the same tools and by artists living in the same century and a half and in broadly the same geographical location. Now, if I were to say something like 'These are both paintings of military actiom, therefore they are the same', technically I wouldn't be incorrect. But I would be missing a huge component of these pieces!

In other words, just like painting, the form is just as important as the content itself; a scribe does not simply choose to write differently one day to the next but rather scripts, like any other art form, are nuanced and just as worthy of study as the actual text itself. As vehicles of text, how that text is manipulated, displayed and otherwise portrayed, can often tell us (as historians - amateur or not) a great deal about the surrounding historical period.

So something that is important to remember as I describe what is essentially, font analysis, is that the value placed on said font in an academic context is the result of historical weight placed on script that is almost entirely alien to a world where I can easily swap between Arial and Papyrus.

So, what script do they use in the HotD manuscript??

I can tell you its most certainly attempting to imitate a form of textualis. As one of the most profuse (spatially and temporally) script models, I would say it's a great choice. I think it the popular conception of manuscripts (what a manuscript should look like), this is what people would probably choose precisely for that reason! Textualis is/was popular from the thirteenth through the fifteenth centuries across Europe.

MS545 -14thc.

It was developed as a documentary script (aka used for documents, such as charters) but came to be used more often in prestige non-documentary manuscripts (like liturgical volumes, or conceivably, like Nymeria's history).

A charter with the seal intact from Magdalen College, Ox

It comes in different forms called 'grades', what those 'grades' are really depends on which scholar you want to follow. From my teaching, they are precissa, quadrata, semi-quadrata, and rotunda (from highest grade to lowest grade). Without getting into too much detail, different grades of textualis are often determined by the shape of the minims (aka bottom of the letter).

(Clockwise from upper left: Precissa [all letters are terminated neatly at the baseline - MS233 -14thc], Quadrata [all letters have little diamonds at the bottom - MS545 -14thc.] Semi-Quadrata [minims with intermittent attempts at feet - MSStowe17 - 14thc] Rotunda [rounded out minims - MS Add. 2. 263]).

Part of the reason this distinction is made, both between different grades of textualis and also between scripts used for documentary text and those used for non-documentary text is because manuscripts were/are valuable objects. It will obviously take longer for a scribe to diamond off every. single. minim. than it would for them to have letters flow into each other.

Something that is often forgotten in our modern period of relative book ubiquity is that manuscripts were objects subject to market forces as much as they were art pieces or vehicles of text. All things 'manuscript', from the scribes writing it to the pigment and vellum, were subject to various degrees of scarcity and luxury (which is actually what my research is about!). Below is an example of a scribe advertising their different grades of script.

MS e.Mus 198* - 14thc.

A closer look...?

Beyond just going 'yea they kinda look similar!' (deceptively, a lot of what manuscript scholarship is, lol), I can pull out a few things point me in the textualis direction. Let's take a look at the shapes of 'O' 'N' and 'G'. Our 'o' here is distinctively six-sided, which is also present on the main body of the 'g'. The 'n' similarly has a pronounced parallel line shape, with tapering on the curves.

Generally textualis has a very compact look with attention to downstrokes and neat parallel lines creating almost a 'box' effect with the x-height (aka how tall the x's are). I'm not sure how best to explain this but there is a keen dynamism in different parts of the stroke, with drastic differences in width between various parts of the ascenders/descenders in a letterform. The thick and thin elements of a letterform (such as the short corners on the 'o' or the often hairline strokes that connect the upper loop on an 'a' to the bottom loop), are really exaggerated in these scripts in a way you don't see with other earlier or later scripts.

For reference (an oversimplification to be sure, but a helpful one! Note that some of these scripts are geographically restricted, used only in Insular or Continental scribal environs)

^ Here are some real life examples of those same letter forms (L to R - LPL MS209 13thc, LPL MS75 13th c , LPL MS545 14th/15thc,)

While textualis was one of the more popular script models, other scripts were also popular in England at this time (roughly, lol). Anglicana and then Secretary hands rose to prominence, as you can see they look quite a bit different from textualis.

(MS Ashmole 35-15thc.)

These were considered lower grade scripts, used more often for documents as they can be written more quickly (important when you have many things to write!). So if we were able to take a peek at some of those scrolls that are in the Dragonstone Library, maybe we'd be able to find HotD's equivalent.

There is some crossover between these scripts and some sticky stuff about regionality, I know very little beyond surface-level, so I'm just going to point you to the resources I linked at the end.

Am Dipl. Dan LX- 15thc. with some other ones

The broad point is that textualis is most certainly a major mediaeval script, one I believe served as reference for the HotD manuscript, but it was not the only one present during the high middle ages. Now... would this script have been used at all during the succession wars that served as HotD's inspiration...?

Inspiration and Historicity:

If we're going on what scripts would have looked like in the period of the Dance's inspiration (Empress Mathilda), I would say this particular script is a bit late. Textualis reaches its more formalised state beginning at the end of the twelfth century (really, the thirteenth but..), so a little early for Rhaenyra's/Mathilda's 1115. Instead, assuming that this is entirely like our own mediaeval period, we'd be looking at the script that precedes it, called protogothic. Here are some examples:

(MS Digby 83 - 12th c England)

(CC MS 95 -12th c England)

A vernacular hand (aka. non-Latin, here old English), may look a little different. Here's one example, in what I would call Anglo-caroline script. Again, just like our documentary/non-documentary, purpose, and cost factors weigh into the script model chosen for a piece of text, so does the language (although Anglo-caroline was not restricted to vernacular!):

(MS 180, 12th c England)

You can probably see how the more formal textualis is an evolution of protogothic, rendered more professionally as the high middle ages came to pass. There is definitely a lot of interesting discussion about how script models take hold as lay literacy rates increase, as scribal practice begins to move from monasteries and limited courtly settings to 'professional scribes', but I won't get into it here.

The Critique (that no one asked for):

If I had to give an artist who did the HOTD prop a few pointers (my opinion that they definitely didn't ask for + I think they did great overall + mandatory 'script is highly variable, some of these pointers may not apply'), I would say the following:

1. Textualis in the real world, generally but not always, tends to have a two compartment 'a', it retains this from protogothic which in turn stole it from Anglo-caroline. Scripts in England prior to Anglo-caroline (which was a combination Anglo [English/Insular] and caroline [Continental/Carolingian] - see timeline above) more often used single compartment 'a's, so the dual compartment is a bit of a bigger deal.

MS Douce 366- 13thc

2. 'S' letterforms in textualis tend to be very compact. They often come in two shapes, the 'long s' and our more familiar 's' shape. In both forms there is attention to maintaining a compact figure, so when you have an entire page the x-height is strictly adhered to. By having some extra little whirly lines, the page image in the HotD manuscript is less neat overall. One exception tends to be sentence-initial 'S' letterforms, which are exaggerated because they start the sentence.

MS Bodl476- 13thc

Above are three 's' letterforms, spelling 'zacharias. Susci-(tavit-cutoff). We finish 'zacharias' with a familiar s. The next sentence starts with an exaggerated word-initial 's' which is purposefully larger and with significant spurs to signal the start of the sentence. Finally, we also have a 'long' s which looks like an l with an overhang, or an 'f' without the cross. You'll notice that the first 's' does not exceed the height of anything else in the word. Similarly, the 'long' s generally fits with the aspect of the script model, made with a thick downstroke. Only the second 'S', which is the largest, is purposefully flared to start the sentence.

On rewatching, we do get something similar-ish to majuscule letters to start sentences on other pages

It may seem a little silly, but I think the HotD script lacks this same internal logic and the flairs, which aren't technically incorrect, work against the overall appearance of the page, rendering it messier.

3. Some addtl. silly ones: 'i's in textura are not frequently dotted, those marks above letters are abbreviation marks e.g. p(er), domin(us). 'T's are usually crossed at the top rather than the middle until the late mediaeval period (again, carry over from previous scripts). Plausibly, it could look like this one from the lower Rhineland, which is less attached to that compact look overall:

MSDouce 185- 14thc.

But you'll notice a few things. The 'i's are marked with hairline marks (Michelle Brown calls these 'a light serif'), not the big dots we get with the HotD manuscript, and those 't' bars are really pretty high with exception where one letter flows into the next ('noctis' and 'peste' in line 1, 'est' with a long 's' is one I also often see with a high t bar).

A lot of this criticism on the letterforms, which is most certainly very annoying (who really gives a fuck), again just comes down to the fact that all historical scripts had an internal logic to them, and so these tiny tweaks could make the page as a whole look a little better.

4. There appears to be a great deal of space (imo too much) between the lines of text. Vellum is expensive! Even when there is deliberate space left empty in manuscripts, its not generally between the lines of text; the goal is to be relatively economical with your space, keeping significant breaks in text for mostly 1) thematic changes (ends of chapters, verses, etc.) 2) poetry lineation 3) dramatic visual effect.

(MS 52 - 9thc, - notice how space is filled with punctuation and drawn out terminal strokes to keep the diamond shape [dramatic visual effect], MS218 - 10thc. [poetry lineation])

5. Very very annoying but: in my opinion would be very difficult to rip a manuscript the way that Rhaenyra is able to. There is a very good reason why we have so many manuscripts from 1400 years ago, and that is because those things are BEASTS. There's definitely a phenomenon of survivorship bias, but any royal manuscript would be made with a well prepared skin and would be very difficult to tear.

I am aware that the very clear message of the scene is Rhaenyra's disregard for history and norms (literally ripping apart the annals of history with her bare hands), I wonder if we could have the same effect but with Rhaenyra pulling out a pen-knife or the like. She would still be destroying the manuscript, just with the weapons of war rather than with her hands.

Example of embroidery to repair a manuscript (Morgan Library)- Again, absolute beasts compared to modern books.

On manuscript physics...We also see one of the manuscripts have this wild separation between the text block and the spine:

Unlike modern book manufacturing, manuscripts usually have a very solid connection between the text block and the spine. This might be harder to verbalise than it is to show, so...The House of Stopan has lovely videos of the process, which I will be stealing for example here. Pages are sewn together on "cords":

Those cords are then cut short and frayed, then pulled through the book boards (which were usually actual pieces of thin wood, here however he's using a thicker cardboard). They're then glued to the boards.

A piece of leather (or other material), is then draped over and glued to the spine + on the outside of the boards. Those points of elevation on the spine, which I've seen added for purely aesthetic reasons in modern books (such as collector's editions), in manuscripts are actually the leather being smoothed over and shaped to the cords underneath.

The leather/material is prepared specifically so it conforms to the text block beneath. Pieces of thin cardboard or supporting material may be added between the cords on the spine.

If we take a look at this intact 11th c. Greek binding (sorry, only one I could find available!) you can actually still see the cords. In other words, I believe that an entire separation of the text block from the spine wouldn't really be plausible with a high grade manuscript (such as a courtly copy). I am no expert on manuscript manufacture, but within my knowledge of bookmaking, it stood out to me a bit! Happy to be corrected on this one especially :]

MS1175- 11thc

6. If I had to make one final note, so much of the series emphasises the fact that this is 200 years before GoT. There are attempts to archaeise various aspects of the keep and the armour. I would personally choose a script model that is a little older. I think there was probably a choice made about how accessible they wanted the manuscript text to be (so that dweebs like myself could actually read what's on the page), and I think using a slightly older script model like uncial/half-uncial would still reach that benchmark while appearing 'older'.

The Rushworth Gospels- 9thc.

Quite strangely enough Merlin, for all its historical inaccuracy actually does a really good job of hitting most of those notes I mentioned above (two compartment a's, neatly written 's's, etc.). Whether this would've been the actual script model used in Merlin's actual period is a whole different thing... and actually closer to my research interests!

As I mentioned at the beginning, I am not an expert in any sense of the word. For further reading you can check out Guide to Scripts Used in English Writings up to 1500, Cambridge History of the Book in Britain Series, A Guide to Western Historical Scripts from Antiquity to 1600 (although the plates kinda suck ass so beware.. the tragedies of photocopy technology), as really lovely books/series if you are interested! I find them to be very approachable reading for specialists/non-specialists alike and they are written by really the people who actually know about these things.

Scene.

[cyborb]

there have been some asks sitting unanswered in my inbox for an embarrassingly long time so I'm just going to go through and answer a bunch of them at once haha.

Sada and Turo / Paldea

now that the dlc is out I can play around with my own version of paldea's story and the professors (that I may or may not actually talk about), but they won't be in the rainbow rocket stuff with supersymmetry. "officially" at least. maybe I'll draw something for fun, but I don't intend them to actually be in rr like the rest. they're more interesting to me within the story of paldea, especially with the ai aspects and ... other things going on there.

but to the anons who sent me these: those ideas are cool and honestly you should pursue them yourself!

Lusamine

absolutely yes. in the base universe, her "unification" with nihilego kills her pretty quickly. iota lusamine is luckier since her nihilego seems to prefer keeping her around for longer. slow-acting vs fast-acting poisons, I suppose. by the time lusamine is picked up by rr, it's been about 6 months since she became jellyfish. who knows how much time she has left but her mental (and physical) state will continue to deteriorate along the way. an unsurprising consequence of willingly jumping into the mouth of a parasite

possibly? I haven't given that much thought tbh. considering lillie and guzma's proximity to lusamine when she goes motherbeast, they'd both be lucky to make it out alive hahaha. but I could see all three of them trying to help people and pokemon in the UB-overrun world too

honestly, no clue. I don't even think she knows, and she definitely doesn't care. who needs regular pokemon when she's got ultra beasts now! if lillie is still around she might have taken in a few of them herself though.

Other AU stuff

I've actually made a post about team galactic here!

one fun fact about each of them:

maria/mars is giovanni and ariana's first child, and she ran from her home in kanto when she was 16 to become a pokemon trainer and get away from her parents. sorry silver (she hasn't contacted him in a while).

juno/jupiter makes traditional (hisuian) style pokeballs as a hobby despite the fact that they absolutely are not practical to actually use anymore. but they look nice

sterling/saturn helps run the in-universe equivalent of pokemon showdown because he's a nerd. he enjoys simulated battles more than the real thing most of the time

great news: the rainbow rocket invasion all his fault!

by that I mean the choice of the base universe for invasion wasn't entirely arbitrary; rainbow rocket didn't just Show Up and hope this universe had what they wanted. beforehand, someone from rainbow rocket (either giovanni or archer, maybe even colress) scouted things out, and approached faba for information about the general state of the world and necrozma in particular. faba essentially sells out the universe (and aether's work with necrozma) in exchange for the promise of power and whatever tantalizing rewards the rr emissary offers haha. it's possible some of this involves planting a device to let rr come back to the right universe when ready too. what faba is up to when everything is going down in rr is not something that I've thought about, but he definitely gets found out for his actions leading up to it. oops!

unfortunately probably not. the rr stuff is happening on the other side of the planet and I can't think of a situation which might result in them getting to meet up. I'm not enough of an expert on the two of them to say how such a meeting would play out either, but it would definitely be... interesting considering their own universe's version of the other person has been dead for several years.

rose would probably be the least upset about it but cyrus wins the award for most upset (he has control issues). lysandre absolutely would have the most violent response to it though

Compliments

while I'm not going to share the collection of complimentary messages I've gotten over time, I want everyone to know that I really appreciate hearing that you enjoy my ideas and art! it's encouraging and I'm glad people like my pokemon playground hahaha. and that applies to tags too! it's always great to see... I don't always get around to actually answering the stuff in my inbox (whether it's actual questions or otherwise) but rest assured I do see it!

[loopyarts]

Shuuji Kayama character essay The importance of showing nuances and ugly parts of trauma

Shuuji kayama is an interesting character to me because he one of the rare few characters that shows/betrays the nuance and ugly parts of trauma and mental ill and health and it a shame he so misunderstood as a character.

So I going try my best to do him justice while I discuss my interpretation of his character and why it important to show people the messy parts of trauma.

Quick warning they will be spoilers for part 1-5 and whole of the true ending path so you have been warn. Also this topic will contain discussion on child abuse, trauma, depression and implied suicide.

Part 1 The beginning and the pressure’s of being the oldest

Let’s start from the beginning when we are first introduced to Shuuji as character he shown to be bossy and very awkward, he appears to not have the best track record when it comes to being well liked. Even the random students from the beginning of the game has nothing positive to say about Shuuji even in a way make fun of him. If by attention he appears to not the happiest person around in fact he rarely smile in his character portraits and seems to be a very troubled person deep down but we get to that later on.

Another thing that is of importance is his body language though-out the game earlier parts, he’s shown to be very nervous, sensitive and shows high levels of anxiety yet show a lot of concern for others and himself he always putting others before himself even giving takuma weak smiles trying to reassure him that he okay.

Around the the beginning part of part 3 Shuuji is shown not wanting help because he doesn’t want to be a burden and it some doesn’t want because he was told that was for the weak. He often get mildly aggressive at the idea of getting help. Which honestly shows how much detail and care want into betraying his character though-out the game.

Even though he never choose or even wanted to the leader, he was pushed by the others kids into leadership hood because he was the oldest. He takes on the task for the sakes of the others, a common thing with Shuuji is he is very self sacrificing in nature putting other before himself and his own needs. Even if it was not good for Shuuji in the long run mentally yet he still try to be a good leader even he knew he was bad at it and got way to controlling by his overprotective and his own fear of failure plaguing him. It doesn’t help when the others kids are disappointed by Shuuji lack of leadership skills which sadly makes Shuuji even more mentally unsure of himself and even questioning if even useful at all.

Also think people underplay a lot of Shuuji positives traits though out the game. he shown to go out of his way to best of ability even though if it can be sees as minor to some to find food, scout the areas and he was the one to comfort and reassure everyone when they lost professor to the bridge and later on Ryo to the fog. Which Shuuji took pretty hard to because he was one of few people that comforted Ryo and not being able to save him due his own cowardice affect Shuuji mind pretty badly adding more to unfortunate downfall that is to come.

Part 2 Shuuji and his family

Before dive into the deep end, let’s address what going on with Shuuji and why he acts the way he does.

Shuuji home life is very complicated and downright toxic, we are given clues about his home life by Takuma perspective bio on Shuuji who seems to know Shuuji and his father have a very complicated relationship and that’s Shuuji will do anything to try and gets his father approval.

In part 4 Shuuji has a scene with Kaito and has a conversation about his relationship with his sister and siblings in general. This leads into Shuuji talking about how he kinda of jealous of Kaito and Miu  siblings relationship and how close they are as siblings which sadly suggest that Shuuji and his older brother are not very close, although Shuuji holds him to a very high standard saying how amazing his older brother is compared to him but I do think Shuuji low self esteem plays a part in the overprising of his older  brother. However it does seems his older brother is somewhat dismissive of Shuuji problems especially with their father and with him and his older brother not having a somewhat healthy sibling bond but in Shuuji heart maybe he wishes in a what if way that his older brother would protect him from his father and for them to have a healthy sibling relationship.

What worrying is Shuuji tries to defend the mistreatment his Father gives to him and even try to make it seem normal and go out of his way to defend his older brother as well, sadly this very common with abuse victims they often will defend they abuser especially family ones because cutting ties with them means losing the only family they have.

Shuuji father is very calculating person knowing how press Shuuji buttons to make Shuuji appear as the aggressor and downright intimidating putting down his son and lecturing him at every moment he gets as we sees in Shuuji nightmare of him in part 5 beginning. He often neglect and deny Shuuji any praise or affection leading Shuuji to have very low self esteem, anxious having low opinion of himself and unable to really make a decision for himself, he alway need the approval of others or is doing it for others to justify his decision. All because Shuuji father never wanted Shuuji for Shuuji, he wanted a clone of in his eyes his already perfect older son.

We only know so much about his brother but Shuuji father sees his older brother as the golden child and puts Shuuji in the standard of his brother which he brother seems to be unsure of but he might also probably think Shuuji doe not have the ability to be like him, wither is out of care for Shuuji well being or even his own ego we never know.

Even in the prequel stories which came out in early September gives more context on Shuuji life in the real world and how he thinks.

Also credit to @kazarinn for the translation of the text a link to the original post here https://href.li/?https://digi-lab.blog/digimon-survive-recollections/  I hope you don’t mind me using this as apart of my essay also short to @digital-survivor who goes in better depth then I can about the schooling in Japan and why what father asking for Shuuji to do is kinda asking for basically complete perfection at this point check her out she great.

Huh…? Leading a group at an extracurricular camp, you say…?

(There weren’t enough teachers to serve as group leaders, and since I was known for my outstanding performance among the graduating students, they were asking me to help them.)

W-Well, I know I have the highest grades in my year, but leading a camp group is a different story…

(The teacher told me I had a good and reliable sense of leadership for this.)

Leadership… Right, being a group leader would mean…

(It’d be a chance to show off my real skills.)

(Was I thinking about my father at that time? Or my brother?)

Right, I understand. I’ll take on a position as group leader!

(On the other side of the phone line, my teacher was showering me with gratitude, and I could feel something swelling in my chest.)

(That was…yes, it was my own conceited pride swelling up within me.)

(If my father had seen me, he’d probably have scowled at me. If my brother had seen me, he’d probably have mocked me.)

(But that’s not the point. At the time, I didn’t seem to have any sense of caution at all.)

Okay! As a son of the Kayama family, I’ll show you how perfect of a leader I am!

(Not even remotely understanding how much danger my life could be in at camp…)

It not at all pretty and honestly very sad. Knowing Shuuji got the top student in his grades and doing everything he can he get his older brother and especially his father love and attention but he never wanted Shuuji for Shuuji meaning because Shuuji isn’t perfect or what he wants in a son in his mind. He probably will never love Shuuji for who he is which is honestly is heartbreaking I mean he done everything that was asked of him and been a good son and yet sadly people like Shuuji father will never be happy with his efforts because he not perfect, he not like his perfect older brother.

It hurt to know even more that his brother most likely will never take Shuuji out of possible fear for their father so he takes their father side and even does that as way to his life as non conflict driven as possible. So he mocks Shuuji efforts to be perfect/like him although it is not know if out of love or just his ego because he believes Shuuji can’t be him or do what he can do, honestly he’s not wrong. Even if Shuuji did everything right it would never be enough because he unless he gets the best university best everything he be seen as worthless to his father or even seen burden to his more successful older brother.

Part 3  Shuuji and Lopmon

Before we address the elephant or should I say bunny in the room. I think they a misconception on what the partner role in this game are and I think it be wise if I explain how the Digimon and humans work.

In Digimon survive Digimon partner are the other half of the human soul of that said human and have characteristics of they human counter part wither it been showing opposite personalities to similar ones it all depends on the human and what their struggle are with their mind. Even the Shuuji and Lopmon are shown to be very similar if one pay attention to there dialogue and mannerisms within the game. Such as shuttering a lot when nervous or they need for praise and approval of others.

In my mind I always saw Shuuji and Lopmon relationship as a big brother little brother dynamic mostly because it Shuuji basically looking at himself in mirror of when he was younger, weaker more naive and hopeful that his father would finally give him the affection he craves so much which leads to him hating Lopmon because he painfully reminded of how much hates himself and how he was never not good enough for the love and affection of his family.

Since he sees Lopmon as younger version of himself, he tries to fix him/fix himself by becoming more like brother or even worse more like his father. In order to make Lopmon stronger by making him do the impossible or things be done perfectly no mistakes or he’s deem useless, lazy a failure. In a twisted way its like we seeing what Shuuji childhood was probably like being relived by Lopmon.

Another about Lopmon is he probably one of few people to give Shuuji unconditional love which Shuuji is probably not used to being given. The fact he doesn’t know how to react might even think Lopmon is just pitying him, so he goes out of his way tell Lopmon to go away but like a guardian angel Lopmon feels it his duty to protect and help Shuuji no matter how mean spirited he gets.

What interesting is Shuuji is not as harsh to other Digimon mainly if you let him talk to the Digimon children in part 4, he surprisingly very gentle to them and tries his best to get a peaceful solution and even though he hesitated of Jijimon at first he does warm to him a bit. So the problem probably isn’t a hate for Digimon, it most likely because Lopmon is so much like Shuuji that’s it painful for Shuuji to be around him because it like seeing that part of yourself that you don’t like over and over.

Now this doesn’t condone Shuuji actions or the abuse he does to Lopmon but I think that’s the point your not meant to think what Shuuji is doing is right, what he doing is unhealthy he hates himself and Not all trauma responses are healthy and can vary from person to person,  Shuuji kayama is a very traumatised child abuse victim projecting his feelings onto Lopmon in an unhealthy manner since Lopmon is other half of his soul. It can also be taken as a form of self harm to one self in a way he literally hurting himself emotional and mentally though Lopmon who is also him.

But also will say it okay to let your characters do bad things, have unhealthy ways of handling things and make mistakes, What Shuuji does is bad because he handles his trauma in an unhealthy way that does harm to himself as well as Lopmon but doesn’t make him a monster or unworthy of redemption because at end of day he and Lopmon are both victims.

But I noticed something that never brought in question, does Shuuji know what he doing is wrong and harmful to treat Lopmon like that/himself because honestly I don’t think so because he often shown defending his father harsh methods and treatment of him and I think he really does believe that what his father doe work so he copy’s his methods and what he doing for Lopmon is out of love and a deserve to help him be stronger.

However he also rejects Lopmon because he represent Shuuji undesirable traits, even if it does more harm to Shuuji in the long run and if he continues to rejects Lopmon/himself things take a turn for the worse which leads us to the next section.

Part 4 The downfall

Part 5 is where things takes a turn for the worse as we see Shuuji reaches his lowest and most vulnerable even before we entered the sewer it very clear, how much the others kids have lost faith in Shuuji and his ability to lead. Any decisions you make with Takuma will result in the same outcome of leaving Shuuji behind mostly out of worry for him wellbeing but in Shuuji mind it shows how much a burden he is to the others and without thinking rushes ahead of everyone into the sewers.

I do think a lot people underestimate the sheer willpower and tolerance Shuuji has in this part. I mean the he spent a very long time by himself with Lopmon being forced to relive his trauma from his dad over and over feeling alone, scared as Arukenimon poisons his mind with so many illusions while poor Lopmon is powerless to help him.

Shuuji bit of self sacrificing himself for the others to megaseadramon could also be seen as a suicide attempt by Shuuji because most suicidal people don’t actually want to die, they want to be saved. What backs this idea up a little is how Arukenimon called Shuuji out for doing it more for himself, to escape his problems which honestly heartbreaking to think of.

By the time the others find him, he very emotional unstable and sadly finally he snaps clouded by rage starts to beats Lopmon up, crying tears of frustration and anger to Lopmon/himself why can’t I/you do anything right, do something actually do something. Shuuji then blinded by his years of suppressed rage and pain yelled at top of his lungs destroy Megaseadramon destroy everything that crosses my path, so I never have to feel pain/hurt or be weak/useless never again.

This triggered Lopmon dark evolution Wendimon born from Shuuji rage and pain a manifestation of his trauma. he destroys Megaseadramon in one blow no control only vengeance and rage he then goes over to Shuuji and without warning consumes him. Drowning him in a sea of his sorrow, regrets as he ‘dies’ in a way that implies metaphorical form of one taking their own life or letting yourself be consumed by your depression and trauma.

I think in some cruel dark twisted way Wendimon was projecting Shuuji from being hurt or feeling pain ever again by having Shuuji inside of him/fused to him as like some type of safety net.

This mess up fusion let us and the other kids hear the pained cries, regrets and fears both Shuuji and Lopmon had been going though and it honestly very sad to have to put the both of them out of there misery’s leaving them died to the fog. Tragedy ending Shuuji and Lopmon story with broken bond never to be resolved.

However, this doesn’t have to be the only end to there story. In the true ending we given a chance to help Shuuji overcome parts of his trauma and help him and Lopmon have a bond, leading to in my honesty option one of most beautiful characters arc I’ve seen in a while.

Part 5 Shuuji journey of self healing and learning to love himself.

In the true ending your given the chance to save both Ryo and Shuuji. With Ryo being very important because he the one to caught on that Shuuji has trauma and is the one to snap Shuuji back into reality by punching him in the face. Which stops Shuuji from hurting Lopmon and gives Ryo time tell Shuuji the truth, no sugarcoating and what he doing to Lopmon is wrong and tells how Lopmon has much has done for him and works so hard. But also let’s him know that he not alone because he has Ryo and the others who care about him and want to help him.

Shuuji looks at the others realising he not alone he has friends who care about him and support him. When he looks back at the bruised Lopmon only to see his younger self within Lopmon. As he realises what he had just done, he became what he most afraid of his father in that moment of his immune rage. He panicked upset at what he had done to Lopmon/himself. Immediately jumping into action as he tries to patch up and heal Lopmon apologising to him telling him how he did nothing way and that it was all his fault.

But then Lopmon asked one question to him, Shuuji was I of used to you. This causes Shuuji breakdowns crying as he praises Lopmon telling him how stronger he is compared to him and how he wanted to praises him for so long. Shuuji giving Lopmon the praise and affection his father never gave given Lopmon/himself the empathy and love he deserves. This lets Lopmon become stronger evolving into Turuiemon and being a symbol of Shuuji of starting to break away from the cycle of abuse and its chains.

For part 6 Shuuji and Lopmon spend time healing and getting to known each other to find they have a lot common to even falling in mud which make me Shuuji might be a little clumsy just like Lopmon. As they both in a way go back to simpler times letting Shuuji in a way feel like a kid and having the freedom to express himself along with Lopmon by his side.

Shuuji journey of redemption is not really about him redemption himself for others no it about him healing from years of abuse and trauma and finally learning to love himself for who he is and trust his own judgment and his decisions without chains of the needs of others approval or needing to justify it being for the sake of others.

Shuuji story is about him learning to love himself even thoughout Lopmon evolutions for example with Antaylamon Shuuji is so happy for Lopmon but believe he that just Lopmon own strength and Shuuji had nothing to do with it. To which Antaylamon correct him by saying that it Shuuji own strength that is able Lopmon to become stronger, telling Shuuji to stop putting himself down believe himself. Saying how proud he is of Shuuji given him praise and affection.

This leads to Lopmon final evolution Cherubimon, Showing how far Shuuji has come as he and Lopmon decide to take the emery by themselves while Takuma finds because he believes in Shuuji judgement. Which leads to Lopmon to evolve into Cherubimon after the fight he tells Shuuji how proud he is of him and how far they come.

Shuuji does admit it was for his own ego, Cherubimon reassure him that it okay to do for himself and his own decision not for dad or his brother or the professor or even for takuma and the others for him and him alone believing in his own judgement. Most importantly himself while it may come off as selfish, sometimes being a little selfish is important make sure your choices are your own and that take care of yourself while caring for others.

In part 11 You have chance to talk character and what they do after the journey is over, Takuma suggests the idea that Shuuji is like a teacher to which Shuuji enjoy the idea of which helps calls back to earlier parts where he and Lopmon are like teacher and student showing Shuuji growth as mentoring figure. Also showing how much he learned from the professor teachings.

Part 12 There’s notable thing because it a parallel to part 5 where Shuuji hurt Lopmon in part 12. This was when all the Digimon were blinded by  Zhuqiaomon hurt and rage by being betrayed by his human, After Takuma get agumon out of trance, Shuuji also try’s to help Lopmon ended getting hurt by Lopmon but he still persist with empathy and trust getting though to Lopmon in the end.

Later on at night in the cafeteria Lopmon asks Takuma if he hurt Shuuji, to which Takuma hesitated to answer but Lopmon already knew the answer because he had a feeling he did. Shuuji the enter the conversation reassuring Lopmon that it okays if fact he argues it’s a good thing because of what happened In part 5 he too hurt Lopmon because of in his own words his immaturity. Even though Lopmon forgave Shuuji in back of his mind he still felt guilt and even wish that Lopmon would just hit him back.

So when he got struck by Lopmon in a way it made them even at least in Shuuji mind. Although Lopmon thinks it a little weird but he just glad that Shuuji is alright and happy, having a even better understand of each other then ever before.

Another thing to note about Shuuji is the theme of found family with him, with the professor playing a mentor/father type figure in his life. The others kids being his friends are also apart of his found family given him the support, love, joy and fun Shuuji wanted from his family and Lopmon his little brother and guardian always making Shuuji is happy and will always by his side and protect him from harm.

Part 6 Ken and Shuuji

I wanted make a quick comparison for these two given how they both abuse there Digimon in way.

They both have big brothers but the main difference is Ken lost his big brother though death and is grieving his lost brother as a child and find himself in the dark ocean and later on the digital world using it as a type of playground to deal with his grief while also treating it like it just a game and the Digimon aren’t real and don’t have feelings. He later realised what he done and reforms into a better person as Digimon adventure 2 goes forward. Also check the show it great and Ken redemption arc is wonderfully done.

With Shuuji it the opposite his older brother is alive and well and he not very close to him and he struggles more with self esteem as well the abuse done by his father, which lead to him projecting his feelings onto Lopmon bullying him as way of coping with his trauma.

Wormmon and Lopmon are interesting comparison as well they both timid gentle creatures who are very loyal to there tamers and stays by there side no matter what dispute they abuse they both put though. Also I will say Ken is more physical abusive to Wormmon while Shuuji is only verbally abusive to Lopmon only getting physical in part 5 when he at his lowest point. Also wormmon doesn’t try to kill Ken and having a child character die literally on screen might be a bit too dark for a children anime to show.

Also Ken has a few advantage compared to Shuuji. First of when it comes to media there is a difference since Shuuji is a game character who unlike Ken is an anime character from a show you can ignore Shuuji though out it since it a game with choices and the player is in control of what they do. While in a show your forced to watch Ken grow as person no ifs or buts about it. Also Ken coming out when the internet was less active might also play a part in why he less hated as a character despite literally committing Digimon slavery and well the Digimon emperor it in the name. By no to Ken love the character but man he does some mess up things in this show.

What also might be holding Shuuji back a bit is well it’s a big ask to put another 30-40 hours into the game just to see Ryo and Shuuji grow as people which understandable not everyone has the time for it but in way it hurts Shuuji as a character to locked him to the true ending, leaving most people having a sour option on him.

Part 7 conclusion and overall thoughts

Overall I think Shuuji is a well written character and I hope I got you at least appreciate his character at a little bit. Now your entitled to dislike or hate Shuuji since he actions can be difficult to watch for some people and if he make you uncomfortable that’s okay but I will say it a shame when he write him off as just an asshole who unredeemable, especially when those people ignore his trauma and the abuse he went though by his father, I think it honestly misses the point.

Yes Shuuji did make mistakes but he takes responsibility and lets himself become a better person. Despite his trauma Shuuji is not a lost cause.

Digimon survive has a theme of forgiving in a yes you did terrible things, and yes you have to take responsibility and accountability for your actions, but you can still become a better person.

These are all my thoughts on Shuuji and I hope enjoy my somewhat clumsy essay ^^’ and I hope have a nice day.

[bugeyedfreaks]

Gonna try as be as concise with this post as I can, since I’m sure you guys know by now that I… can talk way too much about the PPG. 🤣 I had heard about the Powerpuff Girls live action leaked script, but I never took the time to read it for myself. People sent me screencaps of different sections and gave me a summary of what happened, but from all of that, I thought it didn’t sound very good, so I didn’t want to assault my senses with the full thing. A few days ago, the PDF of the script popped up on Tumblr for me as a recommended post, so I thought I should take a deep breath and finally take the plunge.

I’m surprised to report that after FINALLY reading it… I didn’t entirely hate it. Is the writing bad? Yes. Are there way too many pop culture jokes? Yes. Do they make the mistake of giving all the girls ice powers when it’s pretty established canon that Blossom’s the only one with that? YES, and that’s really aggravating. You get glimmers that the writers have seen the show, and kind of get the characters, but only to a certain point that borders on superficial.

However, there’re a lot of cool ideas in the script. I kept reading it thinking, “Ohhh, that’s a cool idea, but I wish they did it [insert different way here].” I even went, “Awww!” at a couple points. Yes. I was weirded out. I liked some of the character interpretations (I’m like 75% on board with Blossom’s character, liked Buttercup and Bubbles’ sisterly chemistry, strangely love the weird take of crazy stardom obsessed Bubbles 😂 and her relationship with the Prof, among many other things!), but I was super thrown off by the pointless (and honestly, unfunny and baffling) “adult” humor and pop culture jokes. Those made NO sense. Like Craig McCracken has said in the past, you don’t mix the girls in with whatever’s like hot or trendy, they’re supposed to be evergreen. Despite this type of humor sucking, it makes me sad to hear that the network interpreted the fans’ response as hating any humor, and are changing it to go into a “serious” direction. I think all it needs is some good original humor not so dependent on references to things (maybe even a healthy dose of puns). PPG usually has a good mix of serious fighting and goofy hijinks, and you could totally do that with a live action series. The characters are fun and funny and it would be fun to keep them that way, just… creatively!

There’s also some OOCness that’s just unforgivable. Of course, you need these characters to have flaws that they’ll overcome throughout the run of the show, but some of the additions were weird, like they didn’t track for who some of the characters are at their core. There was one that I thought was interesting but had lousy execution, and that was the Professor being a greedy stage dad kind of character. It made me sad, but the idea of our usually sweet Professor being secretly evil or doing some shady things on the side WAS kind of intriguing. If they were gonna do that, I would have made it a slow build up to like a season finale, like, “…wait, the good dad licensed his kids out of the money instead of for the good of the town?! Evil all along?!” or something like that. Maybe he was forced into it and went against his own moral code. Could it even have been an avenue to introduce Him? Was he puppeteering the Prof all along?! I dunno. But the way they wrote the Prof how they did just made it seem like they had no clue what they were doing, or who his character is even at a basic level.

I think a lot of the ideas presented (childhood stardom, the struggles of adulthood, privacy, the real world repercussions of fighting, mental health, etc.) are really super intriguing, and my mind is like REELING with a lot of potential that seems wasted and lost. The girls have established personality flaws that they could really build off more from (Blossom with perfectionism and pride, Buttercup with anger and jealousy, Bubbles with sensitivity and naïveté) and in a more meaningful way. Same with the villains, like… some of them are more complex than a casual viewer would think, and it would be cool to see that complexity fleshed out even more.

One thing I would really want them to do is to try to, like… distance the show as much as possible from the original canon cartoon. PPGZ is a good example of successfully creating a PPG-esque show for a specific market and demographic that keeps the spirit of the original show and the general designs while making it CLEAR that it’s its own thing. After what happened with PPG 2016, it might have made fans skittish that this live-action show is meant to somehow “fix” things, or continue the cartoon’s official storyline. It shouldn’t. This needs to be, like, more clearly an alternate universe. Don’t even have the cartoon in it as a gag (I’d say the least I’d put in are the cartoon designs of the girls as like… in-world merch mascots or something, and even then I’m hesitant). If you look at this show as a separate entity that’s only based off the original characters, it might feel a little more palatable. …maybe. 😆

Anyway, I could write SO much more, but that’s… my general take on it. Not great, but not as much of a dumpster fire as I was expecting. I dunno if I’m confident that they’ve been making any meaningful changes to the script. Realistically, at the end of the day, they’re probably viewing it as a way to push merch and make money rather than setting out to do a live action PPG series justice. That’s okay. It is what it is. If they DO want to make it good though, I think at the very least it just needs more thought put into it and to be scrubbed clean of all those garbage pop culture jokes. We’ll see what happens though, but I did at least detect some potential hiding in there. Now if it builds on the potential… that remains to be seen. 🙃

[dreamerinsilico]

for the end of year writing asks: F P O

What stories are you planning for the future?

*vibrates excitedly*

I've got two Sandman fics that are almost done, both Dream/Hob - a slightly silly, very nerdy, very porny kinkmeme fill and a self-indulgent hurt/comfort thing.

I signed up as a prospective author for a Hannibal 'zine recently, and if accepted, I've got a couple of ideas for that. The one that has the most traction, currently, is about Hannibal trying to exorcise his attachment to Will by more creative means than eating him.  (spoiler: it doesn’t work)

Other than that in Hannibal-land, I've got a post-canon longfic that's been sitting for two years that I direly want to get back to and finish, and if and only if I manage that, I've got a Hannibal-Wayward Children series crossover idea I've been percolating for over a year.

(Honestly... I probably ought to just go ahead and publish the little vignette I wrote as kind of a companion piece to the bigger idea. :P It's short, sweet, finished, and actually good. In case anyone following my tumblr actually knows both canons and cares, it's Hannibal's first therapy session with Jack Wolcott.)

What are your pet peeves in other people’s work?

I have several grammatical error pet peeves (lie/lay errors being the foremost, and unfortunately by-far most common, of those), but those just kind of make me sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose, at most. English isn't everyone's first language, and even if it is, the current state of public education in at least my anglophone country leaves much to be desired. Certainly won't ruin a fic for me.

I think the biggest pet peeve otherwise, aside from various "I vehemently disagree with this characterization" sort of things (which I think we all run into at some point), is when a story goes into a lot of depth... or "depth".... about a subject that the author clearly has no clue about, either from practical experience or research. Fics that go into detail about cooking when it's clear the entirety of the author's knowledge of the subject comes from having watched one or two Gordon Ramsay shows. Fics prominently involving characters being college professors where the author knows absolutely nothing about academia from any perspective other than maybe having been a university student at some point. That kind of thing. I'm never going to tell anyone to only write what they know, but like. Either do the research, or handwave it. Don't go into detail and then get every single detail wrong.

Do you believe in outlines? Show us one! 

I do believe in outlines, for anything more complex than one or two scenes! First relatively concise one I found that isn't for something I haven't finished yet below the cut (because it's still kinda long) -

This is pretty condensed, because I wrote it both for myself and to share with @stylishanachronism because we were doing a collaboration for a Pillars of Eternity minibang event. It's for I Recall (stylishanachronism's art embedded <3).

The nutshell version of what this fic is exploring is: In the present-day, in terms of the game's timeline, the protagonist is face-to-face with the trapped soul of her lover from a previous life thousands of years ago. 99% of the fic is about that past life, and how the protagonist unwittingly betrayed the love of her life.

Events timeline

Iovara leaves the missionaries; Nephele is torn, but declines to go with her

Nephele thinks on Iovara often, sometimes struggles with the desire to leave and join

Thaos sends Nephele off to infiltrate, which she is simultaneously sick and overjoyed over.  General intent to fade into the heretics and go dark with Thaos.

Reunited!  Yay!

...and then Thaos personally tracks Nephele down.  Whoops.

Shit starts hitting the fan, and Nephele ends up suggesting going to Ossionus due to trusting That Asshole way too much

Iovara is captured by the Inquisition and events play out as we see in the game

Actual scene outline

Establish both directly and indirectly an existing relationship between Iovara and Nephele, and a bit about what that relationship is like.  Iovara tells Nephele what she has discovered, and that she intends to leave.  They part with mutual regret.

Flashbacks to earlier time with Iovara

Flashbacks to background with Thaos

Nephele is sent to infiltrate the heretics.  Flashbacks to angst and indecision in the time since Iovara left.  Emphasis on mixed but mostly-optimistic feelings Nephele has about this situation.

Nephele is brought to Iovara and baldly confesses she was sent as a spy/infiltrator.  Iovara is surprisingly (to everyone except Nephele) okay with this.  They get to be happy for a bit.  Nephele’s still not completely sure about this whole atheism thing, but it makes a scary amount of sense and she’s glad to be where she is.

Thaos pops up personally and makes a go at convincing her that the movement is Le Fucked, but he still cares about dear Iovara, and the only way to really salvage things is going to be getting Iovara’s people to go to Ossionus.

The trap is sprung, and they realize it too late.  Nephele starts going into “holy fuck this is my fault” mode; Iovara verbally slaps her out of it and tells her to live, and to remember.

Epilogue: modern-day Acantha in Sun-In-Shadow, face to face with Iovara’s spirit.  “I remember.”

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

Finding Love (L.F)

Warnings : like one swear word, mentions of divorce, reader doesn’t believe in love

Word Count : 2891

Synopsis : her best friend set her up on 7 dates for a project he called “finding love”, but none of the guys made her heart flutter the way he does. 

“Okay, so there’s just some final questions you have to answer.” I nodded, barely looking at my best friend, thinking about the conversation I had with his professor just a few days prior.

           “I hope Felix’s grade won’t suffer because I didn’t find love with this project.” I told her. “He worked really hard, picking out 7 different guys he thought would compliment me well. And they were all lovely, but Miss, I just don’t believe in love. I tried because I don’t want Felix to fail, but none of them sparked anything in me.”

           “Y/N, Felix’s grade will not suffer just because you didn’t find love, though I don’t think that’s true. Forgive me if I cross a line, but I believe you already found love before this project began, but you’re scared. For you, love has always equaled loss, and this person is someone you could never lose, so you refuse to love them. Think about it for a minute.”

           “Felix is my best friend.” I countered and watched as she smiled.

           “I never said it was him.” I just stared at her, going through her words again. “Think about it, Y/N. Love isn’t as scary as it seems.”

           “Did you enjoy the dates you went on?” I met his eyes, pretending like I was listening the whole time. I nodded and watched as he wrote my answer down. “Let’s go through each of the dates and then continue the rest of the questions.” Again I nodded as Felix set the papers down and focused all his attention on me.

           Chan was the first guy I went on a date with for Felix’s project. He picked me up and I felt comfortable with him as soon as I opened the door. He greeted me with a warm smile and an awkward laugh as he stumbled over his introduction.  

           We ended up at his place, ordering some food and watching dumb romcoms on Netflix. The two of us laughed at the over-the-top cringey moments, and at some point, we fell asleep. I don’t remember falling asleep, I just remember waking up some time later, wrapped up in Chan’s arms with him still asleep.

           It was an enjoyable date, something very lowkey, but there was no spark. It felt more like a hang out than a date.

           “Did you just leave while he was sleeping?” Felix asked with a chuckle.

           “No! Of course not!” I countered, laughing at how ridiculous that would be. “I woke him up and he walked me home.” Felix nodded, urging me to go on.

           Minho was next, and at first he seemed like he’d rather be anywhere else, but he quickly opened up. “I figured since it was a nice day, we could have a picnic.” He told me with a smile as he walked towards the park.

           It was really relaxing. We just sat on the blanket he brought, munching on the food he made while getting to know each other. He told me about his family and his friends, what he was studying, and what he hoped to accomplish in life. If I’m honest, I could listen to Minho talk about his dreams for hours and not get bored.

           When he asked me about myself, it was like I drew a blank. The only stories I could come up with were all about Felix. How we met, how we agreed to attend the same college so we wouldn’t be separated, how he is the only person I’d ever need in my life.

           “You talked about me?”

           “You seem surprised.” I laughed. “You already know you’re my favourite person. Of course I’m going to talk about you.”

           “Look at you being cute.” I felt the heat rise to my cheeks at the compliment, something that didn’t happen with the guys I went on dates with. Sure, they complimented me, and I was flattered, but they didn’t seem to effect me the way Felix does. “Continue!”

           To me, the date with Minho was the most intimate. It’s the one that felt the most like a date. But again, the spark wasn’t there.

           Changbin was the third, and I must say I was surprised. I’ve heard the rumours about him around the school, so when he took me to the planetarium, I was rather surprised. “Felix said you were into astronomy.” I smiled so wide when we got inside and the show began. I spouted off random facts I knew to Changbin who seemed really interested in what I had to say. He listened to every word I said, and even spouted off some of his own facts.

           It was like running into an old friend, someone you haven’t seen in years but missed dearly. We clicked immediately and it felt like finding a safe place. For a minute I wondered if this is what people were talking about when they found their soulmates. But the longer I spent with Changbin, the more I realized that the connection I was feeling was purely platonic, on both ends. He’s definitely someone I see in my future, but only as a friend.

           “Hey, at least we’re getting somewhere!” Felix explained. “For a whole minute you thought he could be it!” I laughed at how excited Felix seemed, but my heart seemed to fall to my stomach. Why was he so focused on me finding love? Why does he seem excited to see if I fell for one of the guys he set me up with? “Keep going! 3 down, 4 to go!” He smiled at me, and I felt butterflies erupt in my stomach. No. No that’s not right. I must have eaten something weird.

           Hyunjin took me to an escape room. I’d always wanted to do one but was always scared. Hyunjin didn’t really give me a choice, telling me I would have loads of fun. So, we went. Unfortunately, he chose one of the hardest rooms they offered, thinking we were smart enough to escape.

           It was fun looking around different rooms, trying to find the clues to escape. He was really easy to work with, and though we didn’t escape, we made it pretty far. We then grabbed some ice cream and just walked around, learning more about each other, and complaining about how difficult the room was. “You know, if I wasn’t so distracted by how pretty you looked, we totally could have escaped!”

           “Oh so you’re saying it’s my fault?” I giggled, taking another bite of my ice cream.

           “It is! But it’s okay, I forgive you.” He smiled as he stole a bite of my ice cream.

           “Yah!” I screamed before quickly stealing a bite from his and sticking my tongue out at him.

           “You’re lucky you’re cute.” We parted ways soon after, but I had a smile on my face the rest of the day. It was really fun and something I wasn’t expecting from these dates.

           “Would you go out with Hyunjin again?” I shook my head and Felix’s wide smile seemed to faulter. “Well moving on then!”

           The date with Jisung was the most cliché, but it was still a lot of fun! We went to the amusement park and spent the day riding all the rides and even trying our hand at the different games. I’m fairly sure I ate my weight in sweets that day, but Jisung didn’t judge, and honestly ate more than I did.

           I was nervous at first, but I was quick to fall out of that and just be myself. Jisung is someone that makes you feel comfortable being whatever kind of person you are.

           As the sun set, we finished the day off on the ferris wheel. Super cliché, but it was really cute how excited he was. So I followed him onto the ferris wheel and took in just how beautiful the amusement park looked at night time, with all the lights on and couples walking around hand in hand.

           He walked me right up to my front door and told me to have a good night. I watched as he walked away out of sight before heading inside. My feet were aching, but I couldn’t stop the smile from forming.

           “Let me guess. Still no spark?”

           “No spark.”

           “Well okay, date number 6!”

           Seungmin took me to the aquarium, and it was so much prettier than I remembered. The last time I was there, my parents took me and my older brother. I remember looking at all the pretty colours, in awe of just how pretty the fish looked.

           This time around, though I was still in awe at how pretty everything was, I was more focused on watching the little kids run around in amazement, wondering if that’s what my brother and I looked like to the adults when we came.

           Seungmin seemed really nervous the whole time, barely saying a word and instead leaving most of the talking up to me. But he didn’t seem annoyed, instead he seemed intrigued by all my stories. He shared a couple of his favourite memories about the aquarium and told me why it was his favourite place. “Let me take a picture of you!” I exclaimed at one point. “To add to your memories at your favourite place.” I think that was the moment I first saw him smile wide. It was so precious, and I would have done almost anything to see it again.

           “Oh so you’ll go to the aquarium with Seungmin but not me!?” Felix pouted and crossed his arms over his chest.

           “Yah! It was your idea that I go on these dates!” He continued to pout. “Okay fine. Let’s go to the aquarium sometime.” He smiled wide, uncrossing his arms and clapping. “You are probably the weirdest person I know.”

           “But you love me!” More than I think both of us realized. “But enough about us, what about date number 7.”

           The date with Jeongin was the most unexpected as he took me to the library. We picked out a book for the other to read, found somewhere secluded to sit, and began to read. At some point, he handed me a headphone, and we listened to music together as we quietly read.

           Every once in a while, he would do or say something that would make me laugh. It’s like he made it his mission to make me laugh as loud as possible and get us kicked out. It worked, by the way. I have no idea what he said, but I couldn’t contain my laughter, and the two of us got kicked out.

           We ended up at a quiet café just down the block and just talked. We talked about the book we were reading, about school, friends, family, past, aspirations for the future. He was the easiest to open up to. He never looked at me with a look of pity, the way others do when they find out my tragic past, and instead made a joke to lighten up the mood.

           I think I spent the longest time with Jeongin. We just kept telling stories and laughing and before we knew it, the barista was coming up to us to tell us they were closing. Neither of us even noticed it was dark out.

           “So it seems like all 7 dates were successful in one way or another.”

           “I suppose you could say that.” His professor’s words kept ringing in my mind. My whole life, I’ve believed love was something just in books and movies. I would see the couples on campus claiming to be in love, just to break up later.

           I watched my parents argue every single day before divorcing. I watched my brother fall head over heels in love with a girl who played with his feelings. A part of me wanted someone to come along and change my views on love. Show me that love can be a beautiful thing. Falling in love was a risk, and I just wanted someone to be worth the risk.

           And as I sat beside my best friend, recounting the seven dates he set me up on, I was hit with the realization that I found my person a long time ago. Felix was the person I turned to when I needed a shoulder to cry on, he was the first person I wanted to tell all good news to. When I pictured my future, he’s right there beside me.

           He was right in front of me this entire time, and I just refused to believe it. As much as I hate to admit it, his professor was right. To me, love has always equaled loss. You love someone, you lose them. Felix is the only person in my life I couldn’t lose. It would be like losing a piece of me.

           “So out of the seven of them, is there someone you’d consider going out with again?” Felix picked up his papers he previously set down on the table, no longer looking at me.

           “No.” I answered simply, completely coming to terms with the fact that I’m in love with my best friend. “They’re great guys, but I think I know someone better.” I smiled, looking down at my hands clasped in my lap.

           “You do?” Suddenly, the project he’s been working so hard on was forgotten. He looked at me, and I looked right back, admiring his soft features. I guess a part of me always knew he was the one for me, it was just waiting for the rest of me to catch up.

           “I do.” I responded, my voice barely above a whisper. “He’s the best person I know. And honestly, he’s the only person I’d consider going on a second date with.”

           “Did you go on a date I didn’t know of?” He asked, looking through all of his notes, trying to see if maybe he had missed something. Maybe he had set you up with 8 people but forgot. But there was only one name in his notes that could be a possible 8th date. A name he wrote down in case one of the others turned down this experiment. A name surrounded by question marks; his own.

           “Why is your name written down?” I asked, pointing at the notes he was looking through. “I think I’d remember going on a date with you.” I giggled, looking up at him.

           “Oh, I was just a back up. In case one of the others fell through.” I nodded, coming to that conclusion myself. But the thought of going on a date with him gave me butterflies.

           “I think for the sake of the experiment, you should see if you could be the one to prove me wrong.” He stared at me with wide eyes, obviously wondering what was going through my head. “I mean, you do know me the best. I think if you tried you could win me over.”

           “The project specifically said 7, Y/N.” I slumped back in my seat.

           “Unfortunate. Well I guess we could go on a date just because.”

           “What?” I let out a small laugh at his bewildered expression before sitting up in my seat, leaning closer to him.

           “I’m asking you out.” The words didn’t seem to register in his brain, so I continued. “I talked to your professor, and she opened my eyes. She told me that for me, love always equaled loss, so I never let myself fall in love, especially with you. Because, you’re the one person I can’t lose.” I watched as his expression changed as the words registered.

           “Are you confessing to me right now?” I chuckled as I nodded.

           “Yeah I am. I’m confessing to you right now, Felix.”

           “Holy shit.” I couldn’t help but let out another laugh. “So you’re telling me that you went on seven different dates with the seven biggest heartthrobs of our school, but you’re in love with me?” I nodded, my confidence slowly fading the longer this conversation continues. Honestly, I’m not sure why I confessed. There’s never been a moment in our years of friendship where I thought Felix could have feelings for me. There was just a part of me screaming to let him know, to confess. “Forget the project, I’m taking you out right now.” He said while throwing his papers over his shoulder.

           “Felix!” I exclaimed while laughing, looking at him now standing.

           “What? I’ve been waiting years for this! The project can wait. Right now, I’m taking the love of my life out on our first date.” I couldn’t help the smile that formed as I took his hand. His project was long forgotten as the two of us went out and did all the things we did as friends, but now there was more hand holding and a lot more kisses.

           Love isn’t as scary as it seems. With the right person, love is beautiful. And though Y/N didn’t find love with the 7 boys I set her up with, she found love. A love that at first terrified her but made her happy at the same time. Falling in love is a risk, but it’s a risk she’s finally willing to take. And as the person she fell in love with, I hereby promise to never make her regret taking that risk.

[notanotherinfjblog]

The types as strangers I wish I had known (version 4)

Previous versions: One, two, three

INTJ: She was the first person to show me kindness in a new place. Moving across the country all alone in the middle of a pandemic is not exactly the ideal start of your first real job. So she took it all on herself to take me by the hand, to organise all the things that I had no clue about. She gave me a little tour around the workplace, recommended me places to eat once the pandemic is over, asked me about how I was settling in, remembered little things I mentioned. She was the only person not working from home when I first arrived and so it was just the two of us. She was quiet and reserved as most people here seem to be, and she was awkward in every way when interacting with me. But she tried so hard and maybe it’s just me projecting, but she said her son was in the very same situation as me right now, and it felt like she tried to help me in the way she couldn’t help her son, like she wanted to take me under her wing, but not make it awkward, and then actually making it slightly awkward in doing so. Her heart just felt warm and so did mine when I said thank you.

ENTJ: Everyone knows the classic character of a self-righteous doctor in a hospital show. You know that one. The one that everyone thinks may be hard-working and clever, but heartless and uncaring and egocentric, but a few episodes down the line you start to see that there is more going on underneath the rude attitude. I’ve always believed this to be a stereotypical depiction that is more of a caricature until I met her. She was a doctor at a hospital I stayed in, and damn, she was just like that. She stormed into the rooms, rolled her eyes at a patient whose German was bad, even though she had a thick accent herself, couldn’t be bothered to commit to polite standards of communication like saying hello or thanks, and she didn’t care to wait for just a second when a nurse was in her way and pushed her aside instead. Especially two young nurses were exasperated with her and complained about her as soon as she stormed out of the room. They really made me feel like I had gotten myself into a hospital show as a patient, it was fantastic. And I have to say, even though this young doctor had all of these flaws, she was the only one that actually talked to the patients and explained what was going on, hell she even talked to that woman’s daughter on the phone for a few minutes because the woman didn’t understand the language. Just like on tv, she may have been rude, but at least she seemed like a good doctor.

INTP: My university department held a conference and I was responsible for making sure that all these professors and PhD students didn’t die from their coffee cravings, so I spent most of my time running around with giant coffee cans. And I have to admit, among all the scientists that were roaming the halls, I couldn’t help but stare at him. He was a PhD student from the Netherlands and there was just something about him that did not fit in. You know how professors are often a bit eccentric or strange by normal standards (which explains why we had to explain to an unspeakable amount of them how a coffee can works), so you’d imagine he’d fit right in. But he didn’t. He was his own universe. While everyone was networking, he was studying the research posters in silence. Not because he was too shy, he seemed very comfortable in his own skin. He just didn’t seem to care all that much about other people. I got to listen to a few talks and as he sat in front of me, I saw him play a video game. At an international conference. With professors and colleagues sitting behind him. And he still managed to ask intelligent questions about the talk afterwards. No idea how. Part of me wished I could have talked to him, not because he was cute though he was, but rather because I really could not tell you what kind of person he was. Was he a good person? A bad one? Probably something in-between. But I don’t think my opinion would have fazed him all that much, since to me, he seemed like the kind of person that valued his own opinion on himself the most, and I think that’s a good thing that he’s got there.

ENTP: I had just moved to a different city in a completely different part of the country, and I had just gotten back from my first walk around town. Sounds exciting, but I got back to this unfamiliar flat that I was supposed to call home now and I was panicking. So I stepped out on the balcony hoping the cold air and the stars above could calm my nerves. But it wasn‘t them that did. I stood there in the dark and saw an elderly couple in the parking lot. The woman was in a very similar mental state as me. She was running around their car and was talking about all the things they still had to take care of and things they‘d need, but had forgotten, and her voice got higher and shakier with every word. And then her husband just went and hugged her. She kissed him goodbye three times and every time she did, he let out a little laugh, calm and gentle. He pat her on the back and said that everything was going to be okay, that they would see each other again tomorrow. She kissed him goodbye one last time before she drove away, and I stood there alone in the dark and thanked the universe that I was there at the right time to hear this old man‘s words. For some reason he always seems to appear every time I‘m feeling low and strikes up a little chat with me. And every time he leaves, I have already forgotten what I was sad about.

INFJ: I think everyone pursuing an academic career has this one hero, this one scientist that lit the spark in their heart to dedicate their life to science just like them. I know I have one. So when I started an internship at his lab with one of his colleagues, I didn‘t really expect to meet him. I had seen him around once in a while, yes, but who was I to approach a stranger to tell him what his work meant to me? But then came the plenary meeting that was meant to get more people of the lab to get to know one another - and he approached me. He sat down next to me, asked me about my academic past and future, asked about my current project with his colleague. And I still can‘t believe it. Only a little girl singing in the church choir who is suddenly approached by Beyoncé can hope to imagine what it felt like. He was an internationally renowned scientist, he would have had every reason to look down on the rest of us. Many of them certainly do. But here he was, talking to a little intern from abroad. He was such a genuinely nice person, was sweet and slightly awkward, he even mirrored my weird head nodding that I always do when all the words have left me. He felt like a kindred spirit. I didn‘t tell him what these few minutes talking to him meant to me though part of me wishes that I did, yet still he invited me to the meetings of his research team even though I was not a part of it. And when I came and sat down, he turned around, smiled at me and turned away again, and I can‘t tell you how insane it feels that all of this actually happened.

ENFJ: I’ve written about him before and I will write about him forever. I remember the day our eyes first met in that crowded school corridor almost half of my life ago. I don’t know why neither of us could look away that day, why neither of us could ever look away again from this day on. Somehow our eyes always found each other. I remember the snowy day at the train station so many years later, how he stood there alone in the cold and how he slowly walked towards me, his eyes glued to his feet that abruptly stopped right next to mine. And yet he stayed silent. As did I. So we stood there for an hour waiting for our train, quickly averting our eyes every time they came close to meeting. I remember him looking back at me over his shoulder once we got off the train. He seemed quite flustered that I was about to find out that he had parked his car right next to mine and so he fled. Both of us kept parking our cars next to each other, even when we didn’t see each other for months. But I could never follow him out. He was my own personal mystery. I spent countless nights staring at the ceiling wondering what it was, this strange thing that was going on between us, this little secret that we shared, and I wondered who he really was inside, not who he pretended to be in front of his friends. He was like an island in their midst, always a bit detached, always tucked away behind a smile. Soon twelve years will have passed and still we’ve never spoken a word, but somehow these dark brown eyes still feel more familiar than my own, these eyes that always seemed to look right into my soul. I could have stared at them my whole life. I honestly have no idea what it is that is tying me to him, what it is that I felt back then and what I’m feeling right now. Maybe I’ll never know. I haven’t seen him in three years, but I know our paths will cross again some day. I can feel it in my bones. This story is not over yet. Maybe then we’ll finally be ready to meet properly. Maybe then we’ll finally be able to speak. 

INFP: I happened to stand at the window when I saw the new postman approach our letterbox, and so I watched him throw letters and magazines inside - and stop. He moved his head closer to the box and a frown appeared on his face. He backed off, wanted to leave, came back again and didn’t seem to know what he was supposed to do. So he rang the doorbell. As I opened the door, there he was, shy and with slight panic in his eyes. “I’m so sorry”, he said. “There is a sign on your letterbox that you don’t want advertisements, but I saw that too late and I had already thrown it in. I’m terribly sorry. I can’t get it out of the box and so I thought, I should ask if that’s alright.” And my heart just went awwww, that’s adorable. I smiled at him and told him that it was absolutely fine. He seemed so relieved. So he went away and I closed the door.

ENFP: This is for the man with the kind, but heartbreakingly sad eyes who sometimes sits in front of the train station silently begging for money. This is for the grandparents who spent their train ride trying to teach their little grandchildren the numbers from one to five. This is for the old woman who always kneels down in the middle of the train station with her forehead pressed to the ground, keeping still for hours, enduring the devastation of thousands of people passing by without stopping. This is for the woman who knelt down next to a homeless man, who took his hand and asked how she could help him. This is for the man who made faces at the little boy sitting next to him on the train to make him laugh. This is for the anger I felt when I saw the distraught face of a 10-year-old boy coming out of the movie „1917“ at the cinema with his father. This is for the happy little puppy who lives next to the bakery where I usually grab my lunch. This is for the twenty people who decided to all speak a foreign language during a meeting with each other just because I was there too, a total stranger they had never even seen before who is bad at their native language. This is for the creep that asked me in the middle of the street at night to accompany him. This is for the two teenagers who went to buy sandwiches and coffee for a homeless woman. This is for the families I often see sitting at the train stations, sometimes with a baby in their arms, holding a sign saying „Syrian family. We are hungry, help us please.“ This is for the man who yelled at his girlfriend because she gave them some money. This is for the people who play music during everyone‘s morning commute on the train. This is for all the people who approached me speaking in French and started to laugh when I apologised for not being very good at it. This is for Paris, in all its beauty and all its ugliness. This is for humanity, in all its beauty and ugliness.

ISTJ: He was sitting alone on the train, looking out of the window while listening to something with headphones. He was a tall guy in his mid-20s, one with a full beard, long brown hair in a neat ponytail, and a t-shirt of some rock band that I had never heard of. So, I was sitting there, three meters away, minding my own business, when I suddenly heard a giggle. The entire car of the train had been quiet all this time as it usually is, so I looked up and saw this guy trying to contain his laughter. He pressed the lips together, scratched his nose in order to inconspicuously cover his mouth. I don’t know where this sudden burst of laughter came from. Maybe he was listening to an audio book and reached a funny part. Maybe he was listening to a voice message of a funny friend. Maybe he just had a very amusing thought, I don’t know. But I’ve always had a soft spot for people who randomly start laughing in public and get embarrassed about it cause it’s always, always adorable.

ESTJ: She was a PhD student at my university and she was the one who mainly organised the conference that the above mentioned INTP was attending, too. And even though she didn‘t get tired of complaining about how much work this all was, how typical it was of her boss to volunteer to hold the conference at our university and then not lifting a single finger, she was like a fish in the water, not out of it. She observed everything and everyone, immediately recognised little problems or things that could become a problem, she was constantly running around checking everything, and she kept so many things in mind, it was impressive. One of the attendees sat in a wheelchair and as soon as she noticed, she made us rebuild the entire cafeteria immediately so that everything was reachable for her. And in all the running around, all the obligatory smalltalk, all the stress, she still found the time to stand with us student helpers and joke around.

ISFJ: It was 6pm on a Friday afternoon when all of Paris was trying to get home in the middle of a train strike, so the trains that did run were even more crowded than usual. I did not enjoy sharing 5 square metres with almost 40 other people. But then he entered the train and stood right next to me, leaning against the doors without moving, looking like an intellectual in gangster clothes. We were surrounded by noise of people talking and of rails screaming, by strangers breathing onto our skin, and he just stood there unfazed by it all. He radiated calmness like I‘ve never seen anyone do before. Soon it reached me too, filled me up and left no place for any distress or anxiety. He was like an island in the storm that grew and grew and grew until all of the 40 people around him were safe. I felt safe. I don‘t think he has even the faintest clue about how special he is, but I feel like it has been a privilege to have crossed paths with him.

ESFJ: Did you ever meet someone who, on first glance, looks like the perfect example of a jock, just a short guy with bigger arms than he’s tall? But then you look again, take a closer look at him and you realise that his face has goodness written all over it. He may be horribly bad at grammar for a linguistics student and he may be a bit too sensitive for his own good, but he never made it a secret of how much of a sweetheart he really is. And in situations like these, when he talks about how emotional he got as a tutor when his student told him about a dying grandfather because he felt responsible for the student’s wellbeing, in situations like these, when he approaches my friend after a class to apologise for his harsh criticism of her presentation and to tell her that he didn’t mean it that way, to which she gets all confused because she didn’t take the slightest offence to anything he has ever said in his entire life and he mumbles that he may have to stop beating himself up about stuff like this, I just want to give him a hug and never let go. 

ISTP: I saw her on the metro during rush hour in Paris, and I immediately noticed her to be different. Everyone else always only stares at their phones or into space, everyone else always look like a tired zombie. She was not a zombie. She was leaning against the doors, shaking her leg in the rhythm of the music she was listening to. She was short and skinny, and not even her punk boots could hide that, but there was such a confidence shining out of her, a confidence in who she was that made her look like a giant. She looked like she‘s probably had it rather rough in life, but it didn‘t break her. She rose to the adversity, rose in spite of it all. She seemed to be capable of so many things. Intelligent enough to go into science if she ever wanted to, vicious enough to end someone who ever dared to cross her, warm enough to love deeply and with all her heart if she let it.

ESTP: It was a hot day and far hotter than a September afternoon ever should be. I was stuck in a traffic jam in the city, melting in my car as were so many others, waiting for that red light to finally turn green. And then he came, a young guy in an ugly shirt and with a hat on his head. He started to cross the street, but then stopped right there in the middle. And he started to juggle. In the middle of a traffic jam on a Friday afternoon, he juggled. Just before his green light turned to red, he bowed down to the cars a few times, and then jumped to the sidewalk and left. Thanks, mate, you enigmatic juggling traffic hero.

ISFP: I met him at a wedding. He was a bald man in his 70s with thick horn glasses and probably the most intimidating person I’ve ever met. Not because he was mean, but because he was so confident in himself and so observant. His gaze constantly changed direction. He took everything in that happened around him, he didn’t miss a single thing that was going on, and still he was calm and sure of himself that everyone at our table felt like they had to impress him in some way. Just by looking at him you knew he must have lived an extraordinary life and he really did. He liked talking about himself. He talked about living in the American desert, on a mediterranean island, in a Buddhist monastery, and on a cruise ship. He talked about the smell of the desert at night, about the taste of oranges picked from a tree. He talked about the people he met, about professors and musicians, about cooks and monks. He talked about how much his village loved him. But he also liked listening to others talk about their own lives. It was obvious that he treated life as an experience, as a journey that cannot be planned or imagined, only lived. When we said goodbye, he looked me right in the eye and told me that he thinks it’s great what I’m doing with my life and that he’s looking forward to meeting me again some day. It felt a bit like receiving praise from a deity. 

ESFP: He was a nurse in the accident and emergency department at the hospital and the first person to talk to me while I was waiting in front of an examination room. He was only passing by with a colleague, but he stopped the conversation when he saw me and put his hand on my shoulder. “Aw, sugarmouse, what happened to you?”, was the first thing he said to me. You know, if an unknown man in his 50s is coming towards you and calls you “sugarmouse”, you’re usually not exactly happy, but he was just an overwhelmingly non-threatening guy that called all of the nurses and doctors by kitschy nicknames and radiated warmth wherever he went. He had noticed that I was nervous, and so he came to me and tried to gently put my mind at ease and I was really grateful for it.

[jayoctodot]

The Silent Patient vs The Maidens

I will start by saying that I understand the appeal of these novels as page-turners. They are easy to read and if you want a twisty reveal at the end, you will probably be entertained and satisfied. That being said, I am SO CONFUSED by the near-universal adoration of The Silent Patient and the reasonably positive reception of The Maidens. The weaknesses of the two are strikingly similar, as well, which doesn’t give me much hope of seeing improvement from this guy, though I am intrigued to see whether he keeps repeating the same (apparently successful!!) patterns. These books were at least super fun to hate.

(For context, I read The Maidens for a bookclub I'm in, because several of the members had read and loved The Silent Patient, and one of them gave me a copy of the latter to read on my own time. I loathed The Maidens and then read The SP for comparative purposes. And because I'm a masochist, apparently.)

SPOILER WARNING! Do not read on unless you've finished both books (or unless you care not for spoilers). Sorry if it gets a bit shouty.

Here are the similar weaknesses I noticed in both:

PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGY

-> Weirdly similar “group therapy” scenes early on where a cartoonishly unstable patient arrives late, disrupts the meeting by throwing something into the middle of the circle, and is asked to join the group after the therapist(s) speechify on the importance of boundaries (HA! None of these therapists would know an appropriate boundary if it kicked them in the ass) and debate whether to “allow” the patient to join. Both scenes are so transparent in their design to establish the credibility/legitimacy of the narrators as therapists, but instead both Theo and Mariana come off as super patronizing. The protagonists are less and less believable as therapists at the stories progress (though at least Theo’s incompetence is explained away by the “twist” at the end; Mariana, on the other hand, is confronted in the opening pages of the novel by a patient who has self-harmed PRETTY extensively, and rather than ensure he get proper medical attention, she essentially throws him a first aid kit and tosses him out the door so she can pour herself a glass of wine and call her niece... and it devolves from there).

-> Ongoing insistence throughout the narrative that one’s childhood trauma entirely explains the warped/dysfunctional way a character behaves or views the world, which is why the books go out of their way to give EVERY potentially violent character a traumatic childhood; when Theo insists that no one ever became an abuser who hadn’t been abused themselves, I wanted to throw the book across the room. (That is a MYTH, SIR. GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR ARMCHAIR PSYCHOLOGY.)

-> Female murderers whose pathology boils down to “history of depression” and “traumatized by a male loved one/family member.” Because, as we all know, depression + abuse = murderer!

-> The “therapy” depicted in both books is laughable and so so unrealistic, mostly because neither narrators function as therapists so much as incompetent detectives, obsessively pursuing a case they have no place pursuing (or skill to pursue - both just happen across every clue mostly by way of clunky conversation with all the people who can provide precisely the snippet of info to send them along to the next person, and the next… until all is revealed in a tired, cliched “twist”). Their constant Psych 101 asides were so tiresome and weirdly dated (also, the constant harping on countertransference got so ridiculous that at one point during "therapy" Theo literally attributes his headache and a particular emotion he feels to Alicia, as though the contents of her head are being broadcast directly into his mind... and I'm PRETTY SURE that's not how it works???)

CHARACTERS

-> Psychotherapist narrators with abusive fathers and pretensions of being Sherlock Holmes, which results in both characters crossing ALL KINDS of ethical lines as they invade the personal lives of everyone even tangentially connected to their cases (and, in Theo's case, violate all kinds of patient confidentiality. Yeah, yeah, by the end, that's the least of his offenses, but before you get there, it's baffling that NO ONE is calling him out on this).

-> All female characters are either elderly with hilariously bad advice, monstrous hulking brutes, or beautiful bitches (except for ~MARIANA~, who is Bella Swan-esque in her unawareness of her own attractiveness, despite multiple men trying to get with her almost immediately after meeting her. I'm so tired of beautiful female characters being oblivious to their own hotness. Are we meant to believe all mirrors and male attention have escaped their notice? If it’s to make them “relatable,” this tactic really fails with me).

-> All characters of color are shallow, cartoonish side characters, and most of them are depicted as unsympathetic minor antagonists (the Sikh Chief Inspector in The Maidens continuously drinks tea from an ever-present thermos, and his only other notable characteristic is his instant dislike of Mariana, whom he VERY RIGHTLY warns to stay out of the investigation that she is VERY MUCH compromising… the Caribbean manager of the Grove is universally disliked by her staff for enforcing stricter safety regulations at the bafflingly poorly run mental institution, because HOW DARE SHE. There's a very clear vibe that we're supposed to dislike these characters and share the protagonists' indignation, but honestly Sangha/Stephanie were completely in the right for trying to shut down their wildly inappropriate investigations).

-> "Working class" characters (or basically anyone excluded from the comfortably upper-crust, educated main cadre of characters) are few and far between in both stories, but when they show up, he depicts them as such caricatures. We got Elsie the pathologically lying housekeeper in the Maidens, who is enticed to share her bullshit with cake, and then a TOOTHLESS LEPRECHAUN DEALING DRUGS UNDER A BRIDGE in the SP. I kid you not, a man described as having the body of a child, the face of Father Time, and no front teeth, emerges from beneath a bridge and offers to sell Theo some "grass." I was dyinggg.

-> There are no characters to root for. Anywhere. Partly because they’re all so thinly drawn — and because we’re clearly supposed to view almost ALL of them as potential suspects, so they’re ALL weird, creepy, or incompetent in some way.

-> The flimsiest of flimsy motives, both for the narrators and the murderers. Theo fully would have gotten away with his involvement in the murder if he hadn't gone out of his way to work at the Grove and "treat" Alicia and his justification for doing so is pretty weak; his rapid descent into stalking and murder fantasy and his random ass decision to "expose" Alicia's husband as a cheater with a spur-of-the-moment home invasion and staged attempted homicide is ONLY justified if the reader hand waves it away as WELP, HE'S CRAZY, I GUESS (after all, he DID have an abusive father and a history of mental illness, and in Michaelides novels, that's ALL YOU NEED to become a violent psycho). I guess we're lucky Mariana didn't also start dropping bodies (because the logic of his fictional universe says she should definitely be a murderer by now... maybe that'll be his Maidens sequel?). But she especially had NO reason to randomly turn detective - and she kept trying to justify it by saying she needed to re-enter the world or that Sebastian would want her to (??), even though she had no background in criminal psychology... or even a particular fondness for mysteries (really, I would've accepted ANYTHING to explain her dogged obsession with the case. WHY were Sebastian and Zoe so certain she would insert herself into the investigation just because one of Zoe's friends was the first victim? WHY?). As for Zoe and Alicia, their motives are mere suggestions: they were both abused and manipulated, and voila! Slippery slope to murder.

WRITING STYLE

-> Incessant allusions to Greek tragedy and myth, apparently to provide a sophisticated gloss over the bare-bones writing style, which opts more for telling than showing and frequently indulges in hilariously bizarre analogies. Credit where credit is due — the references to Greek myth are less clunky in the SP, and I liked learning about the Alcestis play/myth, which I hadn’t heard of before - but OMG the entire characterization of Fosca, who we are meant to believe is a professor of Greek tragedy at one of the most respected universities on the planet, is just absurd. His "lecture" on the liminal in Greek tragedy is essentially the Wikipedia page on the Eleusinian Mysteries capped off with some Hallmark-card carpe diem crap. The lecture hall responds with raucous applause, clearly never having heard such vague genius bullshit before.

-> Super clunky and amateurish narrative device of interludes written by another character; Sebastian’s letter reads like a mashup of Dexter monologues and Clarice’s memory of the screaming sheep, but by FAR the worse offender is Alicia’s diary, where we’re supposed to believe she painstakingly recorded ENTIRE CONVERSATIONS, BEAT-BY-BEAT DIALOGUE, even when she’s just been DRUGGED TO THE GILLS with morphine and has mere moments of consciousness left… and even before that, she literally takes the time to write “He's trying the windows and doors! ...Someone’s inside! Someone’s inside the house! ETC ETC” when she thinks her stalker has broken in downstairs. WHO DOES THAT?)

-> Speaking of dialogue, the dialogue is so bad. Based on his bio, Michaelides got a degree in screenwriting, which makes his terrible dialogue even more baffling.

-> HILARIOUSLY rendered voyeur scenes where the narrators spy on couples having sex. Such unintentionally awkward descriptions. First we had Kathy’s climax sounds through the trees and then the bowler hat carefully placed on a tombstone before the gatekeeper plows a student. Again, I died.

PLOT/"TWIST"

-> The CONSTANT red herrings make for such an exhausting read. Michaelides drops anvils with almost every character that are so obviously meant to designate them as suspects in our minds. There is absolutely no subtlety in his misdirections.

-> The “crossover” scene between the SP and The Maidens makes no sense - when in the timeline does Mariana’s story overlap with Theo’s? They confer just before Theo starts working at the Grove, obviously (though Mariana appears to be the one who alerts Theo to the job opening there? Whereas in the SP, Theo has been obsessively tracking Alicia since the murder and had already planned to apply to work there?), but then are we supposed to believe that while Theo has been psychotically pursuing his warped quest to “help” Alicia, he’s also been diligently treating Zoe, so invested in her case that he repeatedly reaches out to Mariana to get her to visit Zoe and even writes Mariana a lengthy letter to convince her to do so??? And then a couple days after The Maidens ends, Theo is arrested???

-> But the thing I really did hate the most is how Michaelides treats his female murderers (who are both also victims themselves) as mere means to deploy a “twist”; there’s no moment spared to encourage our sympathy for Zoe, who was groomed and manipulated by the only trusted father figure in her life, and even after spending a decent amount of time getting to know Alicia via her ridiculous diary, where it’s so apparent that she’s been demeaned, objectified, manipulated, gaslit, and/or used by EVERY man in her life, she’s sent packing to spend the rest of her days in a coma… HOW much more satisfying would it have been for her to succeed in exposing Theo and reclaiming her voice? But no, she basically rolls over when he comes to finish her off (SPEAKING OF — ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THERE ARE NO SECURITY CAMERAS IN THIS INSTITUTE FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE????), writes one last diary entry, and drifts off forever. And then a couple pages of nothing later, the story is over. GOODNIGHT, ALICIA!

Both books kept me rolling throughout (by which I mean eye-rolling but also rotfl). Maybe I will check out his next effort — I’m morbidly curious what he’ll turn out. It does leave me wondering whether I should give up on thriller novels entirely, though. Are many of the weaknesses of these novels just characteristic of the genre? Maybe I'm just holding these books to unfair standards? I'm mostly only familiar with thriller films — many of which I think are amazing — but maybe you can get away with more in a film than you can in a novel.

...I really only intended to write a handful of bullet points, but more and more kept coming to mind as I wrote, to the point where subheadings became necessary. Whoopsie.

[thetimelordbatgirl]

I'm just astounded by MoM. And not in a good way. When Martin Scorsese said what he did I disagreed with him at the time. But now I don't. The MCU is a spectacle, and no longer an entertaining one. It's been losing artistic integrity for a while and now I'd say it's gone completely. I made a list of my top 10 favorite superhero movies and only 2 MCU films are on that list and they're both from Phase 1. I still love the characters which is why this hurts so much.

It went from actually trying with its characters and plots to just....fanservice and trying to appeal to certain audiences, isolating others in the process. Like, you telling me people who wanna see Doctor Strange wanna see Wanda The Movie??? No, they here for Doctor Strange, but trailers and leaks keep including Wanda as if she's important, and even imply she's....SOMEHOW in the right to say to Strange, "I become the enemy....that doesn't seem fair", like.....no, beyond fair to consider her an enemy at this rate, and what would her being included as an enemy do for Strange much beyond Evil Wanda??? Keep in mind, reshoots mean Benedict Cumberbatch has no clue what Strange's arc even is.....so MCU has basically fucked over their film to appeal to people who somehow think a girlboss character is a good character to have. Also should be noted the films lightwashed Miss America....but MCU would rather lightwash then be accurate really.

And Multiverse of Madness is falling to MCUs ongoing problem: constant need to bring in other characters or cameos, like Professor X....again, RIP X-Men tags soon, and the rumored other cameos and such are all just fanservice really in a bid to get people to watch, the same problem with No Way Home suddenly being multiverse and the same problem that ruined Loki in the end....beside the girlboss character that is Sylvie, and Wandavision ruined any chances Wanda had at a good character.....the only good thing so far in Phase Four is Shang Chi, everything else is meh or bad and the bad ones are somehow ALL multiverse connected. And its clear the MCU is chasing for Endgame levels of success, given how for NWH and even MoM now, they saying it'll be Endgame levels.....but like, Endgame was also shit, so like, says a-lot really about the MCUs goals currently. Plus the MCUs need to CONNECT everything is slowly destroying it, as come on, who wants to watch hours of films just to understand the latest one?? Let alone TV shows now??? And now they seem to be connecting What if...? to the new film, so BETTER WATCH THAT TOO- like, its going to tire everyone out eventually, if its not already.

Honestly, yeah, same....I love some of the characters still, and I still wanna see some of the newer stuff like Wakanda Forever and maybe Love And Thunder and despite my problems with her in MoM, I still enjoyed Wanda up until W/V, then my love for her disappeared really as her character took a dive basically to hell, but outside of that, MCU really has become tiring.....its saying a-lot that I finally felt some joy in Phase Four with Shang Chi, but felt nothing with everything else.

[sidespart]

For the fake fic title, if you're still doing it: Why do you hate me? (I honestly don't know where I came up with this lol)

X-Men AU!!! Found Family + Anxceit friendship. TW: child soldiers, child endangerment, abuse etc

(So typical X-men universe set up: some people are born with the X gene, which typically triggers during puberty, giving that person a mutation which normally results in cool powers. Many people hate mutants for their differences (/ bad press of people using their mutant powers for the evilz) and so most mutants live in hiding. The Xavier Institute is a school set up by an extremely powerful mutant which seeks to provide a safe space for young mutants to learn to manage their powers, get a regular education and hopes to see peace between humanity and mutant kind. The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants is a group of mutants who believe humans will never let mutant live in peace and do various anti-human, pro-mutant vaguely terrorist-y actions (there’s like a billion version of the x-men and these details may not be correct for all the versions all of the time because comics but this is the vague idea))

ANYWAY PLOT - Containment breach at the Super Secret Child Soldier Lab (SSCSL) - Subject VII has escaped. Subject VII is only 6-7 years old but his mutations were artificially triggered much younger than is normal. He can warp reality and create very sophisticated illusions, but has very limited control over his powers.

Cut too - Virgil and Dee, a couple of teenage mutants living on the street. They find a little boy with a buzzcut wandering around The Bad Part Of Town and Virgil immediately decides they need to adopt/help him (Dee makes more of a fuss about how this is not their responsibility and the kids barely even talking and do you know how hard I work just to keep you and now you wanna add another mouth to feed?? Huhh?? but obviously does not actually say no) (Dee is like. Barely any older than Virgil he’s just dramatic). 

Naturally, just as the three of them have had time to bond, the SSCSL and other assorted bad guys show up to try and take VII back. There’s a big fight, Virgil and Dee have a lot more experience with flight and would probably have ended up dead if the X-men (Patton and Logan) hadn't shown up to save them. 

But they lose VII.

Patton and Logan take them back to the Xavier institute to recuperate and offer to let them stay. They can go to school there, get some training and help the X-men track down VII and the whole SSCSL. Virgil says yes, Dee says no.

(So, reasoning - Virgil's mutation developed when he was 12. It was not pleasant. Various students at his school were injured and the media set up a which hunt for the mutant that caused the chaos. Virgil ran away from home because he was worried about the backlash on his family and about hurting anyone else again. So to him, this school full of mutants who can help him control his power, can offer him stability and a return to normal structures and routines, who are promising to help him get in contact with his parents if and when he’s ready?? This is like every fantasy he’s ever had come true

Unlike the other characters, Dee’s primary mutation is physical. He was born with it, its very obvious and its resulted in him being rejected for most of his life. He bounced around increasingly disturbing foster homes before running away when he was very young, so most of his memories are of living on the streets and surviving on his own. So, to him, number one: all adults are inherently untrustworthy idiots and number two: stay at a school? where they expect him to have a curfew? and, what - write essays? follow all their random arbitrary rules? rely on them for food and heat and all that shit? Completely ludicrous.)

It doesn't occur to either of them that the other one isn't going to agree with them. The resulting argument is epic and cruel, both hurling accusations at the other (Ungrateful /controlling are two of the big ones..) and both basically feeling hateful and 100% betrayed. Dee leaves and although they look for him, he’s got a lifetime experience of hiding and they cant find him.

CUT TO - 5 years later. Virgil is a (semi) well adjusted 19 year old junior X-men. He’s still a bit withdrawn, but is very close with Patton and Logan. He’s still holding out hope of finding VII one day and still firmly pretending he’s not listing out for any possible news of Dee (there were rumours some years ago of him joining the brother hood of evil mutants but then it all went quiet) who he, of course, hates for his betrayal. 

BUT THEN - mysterious knocking at the door in the night. Dee, now wearing a hat and cape and calling himself Janus, has returned. And he’s brought with him a little boy with a buzzcut and a tattoo of XXII on his foot.

Janus and Virgil need to put aside their resentment and work together to help XXII, who really does not seem interested in helping them, and hopefully use any clues he can give them about the SSCSL to track down VII. But that's difficult when they’re both still struggling with their own trauma and have no idea how to reconnect - both of them want to ask why do you hate me but are a bit too scared of the answer. ...

This already got way to long so mutant power/ extra back story descriptions under cut!

Patton - 22/27 years old. An extremely powerful telepath/empath. It takes him serious concentration and focus to not hear peoples thoughts and its almost impossible to not feel their feelings. Some people dislike him because of this as they feel he's spying on them. Grew up in the Xavier institute and 100% believes in and is committed to the future where humans and mutants live in harmony. Has pretty limited life experience in the real world. Sometimes floats. (inspired by professor X)

Logan - 21/26 years old. Fires destructive laser beams from his eyes. Was in a car accident when he was younger leaving him with permanent but apparently harmless brain damage - until his mutation developed and he slowly realised that no matter how much he trained he just couldn't control his power. Has to wear specialised eye guards at all times to keep himself from accidentally destroying everything around him. Had big plans to go to university and was angry at his mutation for a long time for getting in the way of that. Eventually enrolled online and is now a very dedicated teacher at the Institute. (inspired by cyclops) 

Janus - 15(?) / 20(?) His primary mutation is  lizard/snake like scales over most of his body, but especially the left side. Has oversized fangs, and yellow eye and a short lizard tail. His secondary mutation makes him immune to almost any sort of mental based mutation (so Logan could still knock him on his ass with his lasers, but Patton cant sense anything form him and Virgil cant whammy him). Spent a lot of his life on his own and got by being sneaky, cunning and charming. Initially took Virgil in because he saw that his powers could be useful for keeping them both safe, but eventually Virgil became his first real friend.

Virgil - 14/19. Shadow manipulation and ‘draining’. Virgil can make himself (and with practice, people he touches) literally disappear into the shadows. He can also direct shadows as powerful energy ‘blasts’, but in order to do so he has to drain any surrounding living things of their energy. When his mutation first developed  he took out half of the school hall where his exam was being held, leaving 15 students in a coma. (inspired by rouge/shadow cat)

VII - 6? / 11? Reality warping/illusion powers. One of the institutes first successful subjects. He was able to escape by changing the wall of his cell into a door. He finds it hard to talk but can project his ideas as lifelike illusions who can talk for him. One of his best is the image a handsome grown up Prince and he will often use this Illusion as an avatar to communicate. When he was 6 he did have some hazy memories of outside the SSCSL and expressed a desire to go home. Current status is unknown. 

XXI - 7.  Illusion powers  (reality warping has been removed from the program by his time as subjects proved too difficult to control). Has no memories of outside the institute and is extremely uncooperative with his new captors/guardians. He does not understand the affection they’re trying to show him and lashes out a lot, often by creating a lot of extremely disturbing and graphic illusions. Bites. 

[lunarastrobabe]

Leon Kennedy x F!Reader: The Missing Piece (Pt 2)

“Leon, come on, let’s go out. We haven’t spent time together in so long.” You groaned, holding his hand and trying to pull him from the couch where he was sitting, working on some reports from the previous outbreak you both had survived. Yet again. 

“I have to get this report finished [Y/N], you know that.” He rubbed his eyes, feeling tired and drained, he had been cooped up in the apartment all week and he needed to get some sun. 

“Come on baby, you gotta get out sometime.” You slumped into the spot next to him on the couch, slinging an arm around him. You planted a kiss to his soft scratchy cheek, which made a smile appear on his face. He closed his laptop and slid it off his lap and onto the oak coffee table, moving into a comfortable position. 

“Okay, okay, fine,” He let out a chuckle and looked at you through his bangs that covered his beautiful eyes. You moved his hair out of his sight and they sparkled at you, feeling a wave of love hit you every time he looked at you. “Where is it you want to go?” He asked, sinking into your touch and leaving a kiss on the palm of your hand. 

“I was thinking we could go get some coffee and then go for a walk on the beach. Considering how sunny and warm it is today.” You said, smiling at him as he pulled you closer, breathing in his natural scent and his minty breath. 

“Sounds like a great idea, love,” He planted a kiss to your lips before tapping your legs to get up. “Let’s get going.” He got out of the crease that he left in the couch and grabbed his wallet and his keys, sliding on his shoes. He always looked so handsome even if he did look exhausted from not getting much sleep. Nevertheless, he always made time for you. 

The car ride to the coffee shop was full of laughs, smiles and sneaky kisses at the red lights. Pulling up to the cafe getting a huge whiff of coffee, sweet pastries and the flowers that surrounded the building. Pushing the door open, letting the little bell go off at the top of the door, you went to go figure out your order, Leon definitely needed some serious caffeine.  

“I’m just going to use the bathroom,” He said, kissing your cheek and giving you his wallet. “Order whatever you want, I’m paying.” He left with a smile on his face, flicking the hair from his eyes. 

Just as you were about to order yours and Leon’s drinks, you noticed someone or something tap your shoulder. It wasn’t Leon, you shook off the thought that it could’ve been a zombie or a licker, remembering your past with Leon in Raccoon City. ‘You’re being stupid [Y/N]. Zombie’s don’t tap your shoulder like humans do. They eat you instead.’ You thought to yourself, giggling at the little comment in your head. Turning around you see a guy, he had dark hair that was spiked up with a ridiculous amount of wax, he was tall, handsome, very tanned from the sunshine and had hazel coloured eyes. 

“Can I help you?” You asked kindly, wondering why a random stranger wanted to talk to you, but you thought, ‘maybe he’s just being polite’. 

“Sorry, you’re [Y/N], right?” He said pointing to you, a smile on his face. You nodded in response, “Yes, that’s me. But, who are you?” You giggled nervously, noticing the awkward tension between you two was unbearable. 

“It’s me, Derek, from high school remember? We used to cause chaos together with the professors.” Your mind had that light bulb moment, because of the suppressed memories from Raccoon City and the events leading after that that you had went through, you completely forgot about your crazy teen years and your old friends. This guy. Oh man, this guy was the ultimate popular jock, all the girls fell for him, honestly, you can’t even imagine how many girls he has slept with. He always seemed to love the attention he got from women, because of his good looks, his tanned skin from being in California for so long, the swimmers body. He was never your type, too predictable. Instead you were just close friends. Ish. 

“Oh my god, hi! How are you?” You asked surprised and giving him a hug, a hug that lingered for too long, then pulling back to look at you. 

“I’m-I’m great! It’s been a long time! You want to go sit down and catch up?” He gestured to an empty booth near the window. 

“Sure! I just gotta wait for Leon to come back.” You said pointing over to the bathroom not realising Leon was standing behind you, watching you and your friend talk. From a distance he raised an eyebrow wondering who was chatting up his girl. Shoving his hand in his jean pockets walking over and snaking an arm around your waist pulling you close, a little tighter than usual, but you thought nothing of it. His eyes narrowed at the tanned man, a couple years older than you. Jealousy was already filling his body, burning sensation in his chest. 

“Oh hey you,” You smiled looking up at Leon. “This is Derek, an old friend from high school.” You said introducing them to each other. You could tell they didn’t like each other already, the tension could be cut with a knife through butter. Leon wasn’t known for competing for a woman, but when it came to you, he gets protective, he gets jealous and it’s sometimes infuriating because when you get jealous about him and Ada’s past, he just brushes it under the rug. 

“Hi sweetheart,” Leon planted a kiss on your lips then turned to your friend who was watching, trying not to laugh. “Hello. Derek.” He said gritting through his teeth in a fake smile. Derek just smiled, giving you his new phone number. “Call me sometime, it’ll be fun.” He winked and said goodbye to you, ignoring Leon as if he wasn’t there. You took the piece of paper sliding it into your back pocket. Leon looked pissed off, his shoulders raised. The waitress calling you over for your coffee’s, you noticed Leon looked uncomfortable, something was bothering him and you didn’t have a clue what the problem was. You just assumed it was his exhaustion catching up with him. Sighing you passed him his drink and took a sip of your own, the toffee flavour hitting your tongue giving you a sweet sensational feeling. 

“Is everything ok Leon?” You asked, taking his hand in yours, his hand was clenched into a fist but relaxed it when you touched his skin, his shoulders lowering. Pulling him to an empty booth you sat down, crossing your legs over you turned your body to face his. He wasn’t good at expressing his feelings, especially when it was something so petty. 

“Mmhm.” He mumbled, his leg bouncing up and down, sipping his coffee but not looking at you. 

“Leon, baby, what is it?” You leaned forward to see if he’d look at you. He exhaled slowly, letting out a deep breath. 

“It’s him.” He said hoping you’d realise who he was talking about. Your brows furrowed in confusion. He rarely showed jealousy unless it was someone who he really had a huge problem with. 

“Derek?” You leaned back in the booth, taking another sip of coffee with a surprise look on your face, peering at him over the coffee cup. 

He shrugged, “Maybe ..” in a quiet tone, scratching the back of his neck, hoping you wouldn’t get mad. You cleared your throat, a little irritated, only because a year ago, you and Leon had split up for a while because Ada was still in the picture. 

“Oh Leon, I-, seriously?” You groaned. “He’s just an old friend, nothing happened in the past with me and Derek, and even if it did, it’s old news.” Hoping to reassure him and calm him down. It didn’t work. Luckily no one could hear you two speaking due to the loud, but fun music from the speakers in the shop. 

“I saw the way he looked at you,” He spoke quietly, swirling the coffee around with a little wooden stick. “I mean, that wink he gave you too?” He rolled his eyes. Now he knew how you felt with Ada and his history with her. You felt bad for him, you felt sympathy for him, he just wants to be loved, truly loved. 

“Alright,” you sighed, you wanted to cut him some slack, he has been under a lot of stress and it’s not his fault he’s a little worried. “I can understand how it makes you feel, remember when I felt that way with you and Ada?” You reached your hand up to his face and softly stroked his stubbly cheek. Your touch always make him weak at the knees. His heart skipping a beat every time you touched him. “But I can promise you, I wasn’t even going to call him. Why would I want to regain a friendship with somebody who only wants to get into my panties?” You laughed a little. 

“That’s how you met me isn’t it?” Letting out a small laugh with a smirk forming on his face. 

“Mmkay, I see your point. But I fell in love with you, there’s a difference. And you’re always my number one.” Pushing his bangs out of his eyes. A pink, rosy, colour appeared on his cheeks. 

“I love you too.” He put his large hand on your thigh and caressed the fabric of your jeans with his thumb, pulling you closer to his body and put his left arm around your shoulders. 

“So, what kind of panties are you wearing today?” He whispered in your ear. 

You were very lucky to have him. 

[dragonsaredorks]

Big Hero 6 Sorting

Hello!! I recently re-watched Big Hero 6 so I thought I would sort some of the characters!

Tadashi Hamada - Badger Bird

Tadashi is very clearly a Loyalist. He doesn't have any ideals. His main Cause is helping people who are hurt (need-basing). The dude creates a nurse-robot to help people. How much more Badger (+ bird sec) can you get? Tadashi also has a community he's a part of: his friend group at college.

Bird secondary, his whole thing is building things and he builds the Ultimate Tool by creating Baymax. The scene where he runs straight into the burning building seems like Lion sec, but the context makes me think that's just his Badger primary. "There is a person in need who needs help, it's my job to help them." (Honestly, self-sacrificing reads as even more Badger primary to me.) He could be a Lion with a Bird model with more context. (The trying again and again + just running into danger still kind of says Lion to me.) For example, if he learned the building things from someone. But the movie doesn't go too much into that, so I'm going to assume building and using tools is natural to him. Bird secondary.

Baymax - Badger, Bird

Baymax is basically a condensed version of Tadashi. (Which makes sense considering Tadashi built him to achieve his life-goal lmao). He's a universal Badger so he cares about All People and need-bases.

Bird secondary. He analyzes people by scanning for injuries and then uses whatever the best tool is to treat them. He has tons of medical knowledge collected in his hard drive.

Hiro Hamada - Snake, Bird (Lion primary model)

Hiro is a Snake primary through and through. He starts out looking like a Glory Hound Lion, but when in crisis he appears much more Snake to me. Hiro's grief makes him rely on his Lion model, he shoves those feelings about Tadashi's death down deep and finds a Cause. Protecting the city and stopping the masked-villian who stole his microbots. But his breaking point, when he wants to literally murder Calaghan? What does it take for him to stop? To change his mind? Baymax showing him those clips of Tadashi. Showing him that that's not what his brother wanted. (It wasn't about his actions being wrong in the way it would have been for a Lion.) That's a parallel between Hiro and Callaghan. Both are seeking revenge for the deaths of their loved ones, the difference is that Hiro has Baymax to remind him of Todashi's Cause. Also how Hiro tries to change Callaghan's mind is so Snake. "Is this what Abigail would have wanted?" Not "this is wrong," like a Lion or "you'll hurt people," like a Badger. At the end I think he still has that Lion model, "I'm going to help a lot of people (Lion Cause) like my brother wanted (Snake primary)."

This movie is a Bird secondary jackpot lol. (What else can you expect from a movie about a bunch of tech-nerds (affectionate)). Hiro is yet another Bird secondary. He builds things and then uses them to accomplish his goals. The microbots, Baymax's super suit, Hiro even turns his friends into tools by making them super heros.

Professor Callaghan - Snake Bird

As Fred says, "this is a revenge story." Callaghan's motiv for doing things is to get revenge for the death of his daughter, Abigail. He probably had a Bird primary model he lived in when creating his theories, but he drops that once his daughter "dies."

Bird secondary, he's yet another inventor. He steals Hiro's microbots to use as tools to build a portal. The man also creates a plan (bird) to get revenge.

Hiro and Callaghan sharing a sorting is why they communicate so well. Callaghan is crucial in convincing Hiro to join the Science University. He knows exactly how to catch his interest. Likewise, Hiro is great at understanding Callaghan. He almost manages to convince him to stop his revenge-mission until Alistair Krei speaks up and sparks Callaghan's anger again.

Best guesses on the rest of the squad: (heavily based off Vibes)

Go-go - Double Lion

Honey Lemon - Double Bird

Fred - Lion Snake

Wasabi - no idea what primary (genuinely no clue lol), Bird sec (such a loud bird sec)

[princeoftheroses]

Tagged by @kidont-play-with-fire

Thank you!

I don't know who to tag so I'm just going to tag all of my mutuals that I can think of. If you don't want to do it then please disregard this I don't want to annoy you guys haha @nastronde @ninezeros @puppycoded @catcoded @lemmint + anybody who wants to this.

The tag game is under the cut:

Favorite color: Orange, yellow, and brown! I am also fond of purple. I know that those are a lot of colors, but it depends on the situation which one I like the most.

Currently Reading: Okay, this is going to be a long list.

For myself in my spare time, I am reading The Prestige by Christopher Priest. You might know that title because there is a 2006 movie based on it directed by Chris Nolan starring Batman and Wolverine, but the book is decently different though they have the same starting premise of rival magicians in the Victorian age, and a few other similarities. It's pretty good, I like it a lot! I wish I had more time to finish it.

Also in my spare time I am reading the fourth Warrior Cats book, Rising Storm by Erin Hunter, but I haven't gotten very far in it.

I'm reading three more books for school, as I am a English Lit major. For Western Lit to the Renaissance, I am reading Homer's The Odyssey, which I am not fond of but whatever it's okay classic Greek Literature... I just am so tired of Ancient Greece so I have a bias against it haha but that's a me problem I guess

For Women's Lit I am reading The Life and Loves of a She-Devil by Fey Weldon, which I REALLY don't like... Maybe it'll get better as I go on, and maybe I'd like it more if I wasn't reading it for a class under this specific professor, but I don't know. I just despise it. You're supposed to analyze the way the gender roles of society has affected the protagonist and how she felt like she needed to be a good wife and mother, while at the same time slut shaming her husband's mistress all the time and basically calling her a whore like damn. And most of her revenge is at her husband's mistress instead of her husband which really rubs me the wrong way, like she's an ass but I think the man who slept with you to prove a point and never was faithful to you is way worse. And also the protagonist thinks breaking out of being a wife/mother means traumatizing her children! Fun. Anyway it's okay if I hate this novel because the next novel we're reading for this class will be The Color Purple by Alice Walker which is one of my favorite novels ever so I am looking forward to that.

And for Latine Lit in America I am reading Halsey Street by Naima Coster. It's a really good, interesting, and enlightening read. It's largely about family and gentrification, and whenever it's about those things I think it is a very compelling read, but whenever it shifts to "narrator wants to fuck her landlord a white married man" I get bored. Still a good read (so far) though I am really criticizing it!

Last Song: Yellow by Yoh Kamiyama

Last Movie: Honestly I have absolutely no clue. My last show was Bojack Horseman so I am going to go with that. I want to go on a Ghibli marathon soon though if I find the time.

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: Sweet!!!!!!! Occasionally savory though. Never really spicy.

Currently Working On: Making my new apartment dorm looking pretty, putting up postcards on the wall, reading for class, and if I ever get free time I want to continue working on my writing WIPS, the current major ones being "the Prince and the Maskmaker" and "the Hand of the White Rose" but I really don't think I'll have much time to do them until Winter Break.

I don't know who to tag so I'm just going to tag all of my mutuals that I can think of. If you don't want to do it then please disregard this I don't want to annoy you guys haha @nastronde @ninezeros @puppycoded @catcoded

[twistedsin]

Professor Peacock in the Kitchen with...

Twisted Halloween Event: Vil Schoenheit 

Costume: Peacock 

Rather than making it a literal bird costume, I went in a Clue direction where each character is based on a color. You are Inspector Indigo. 

I also totally feel like Vil would throw a murder mystery party.  

Vil stood over the dead sleeping body of Silver lying on the floor at his feet. He was dressed in a suit, the pants and jacket were a peacock blue. The lapel was layered with peacock feathers, and there were also a few on the wrists and the cuffs of his pants. His shirt was a light brown, with a deep green vest and a teal blue color shift scarf that had a golden peacock pin that resembled the look of the bird on his throne. His usual purple hair dye was a darker blue, and his eye shadow an expert blend of all the cool shades on his costume with lips tinted violet. 

“Does everyone understand the instructions?" A brief pause. Deuce in the back started to raise his hand but Vil simply continued on. "Good.” Vil wasn’t keen on repeating himself anyway.  “Now it’s time to investigate. I suggest you pair off. Inspector Indigo is already my partner.” There was a disappointed sigh amongst most of the other guests who had been hoping to have you as a partner and spend some time alone with you in the dark hallways of Pomefiore. 

It caught you off guard that Vil would pick you. Maybe it was because you had been showing good detective work with helping out the overblot incidents and having to figure out your way through and entirely different world? It didn't totally matter, you were thrilled regardless knowing it meant you got to have some alone time with Vil. Also being paired with the host of a murder mystery party probably had some benefits. Or would make you the next victim. 

“Well then, Inspector Indigo, where would you like to investigate first.” Vil asked, moving to your side as most of the others started heading off on their own. 

“Oh well hm…” You opened your notebook and began thumbing through the pages. “Let’s go to the kitchen” 

Vil looked unimpressed with your choice. 

“Well it’s just that, it’s probably the room with the most knives and th-those are good weapons so it seems like the most obvious place to check."

"Very well." With a sigh Vil turned and began leading you to the kitchen. 

🦚

When they two of your arrived, everything seemed normal. Pots hung from the ceiling, all knives were in the block, everything clean and in its place. "Everything looks normal..." You ponder, entering and beginning to count the items and inspecting them. 

"Just because it looks normal doesn't mean nothing has been tampered with. Plenty of the guests are quite diligent and would be sure to have left little to no trace." Vil began looking around himself, making notes with his Peacock tailfeather pen that matched his outfit.

You began going through the drawers, all of them. "Potato." You felt Vil pressing against you from behind, his hands resting on either side of you trapping you against the counter beneath him. "Are you really going to go through everything piece by piece?" 

You shivered slightly from the feeling of his breath on the back of your neck. "W-well,"  You had thought it was a good plan, but maybe he had another idea. Suddenly you were getting nervous, he was so close and well rather intimidating usually. You gulped and slowly turned yourself around to face him.

"It will take to long for too little result, Inspector." His face was so close to yours, his breath smelled nice too. "There are more pressing things that need to be investigated. Wouldn't you agree?" The end of his pen caressed your cheek and rested over your mouth as you opened it to answer. "For example, I want to know why you haven't complimented my look yet. Do you not like my costume"

You shook your head frantically, "N-no.. It's just.. I..." 

"Use your words, quit sputtering."

You took a deep breath, "You were busy when I arrived, I didn't want to bother you with yet another compliment. I'm sure you had already gotten a lot. I really do like your outfit Vil. You look beautiful, as usual." Oh wait that could be misconstrued. Maybe that wasn't what he wanted to hear. It wasn't quite what you felt. "I-I just mean.. you're always beautiful! And you're e-even more beautiful with the dif-ferent colors. It suits you, I-I'm sure that anything would lo- hm!" 

You find yourself unable to talk as Vil's lips press onto yours. He holds a moment, tongue grazing over your bottom lip before pulling away with a soft breath. "You started stuttering again. It seems your tongue needs to be exercised more." 

Did he just, kiss you. You were in shock. The Vil Schoenheit just kissed you. You felt like you could faint. The counter was doing a lot of work to keep you up right.  And what was this about your mouth, tongue. What now were you supposed to answer him? Honestly if you attempted words right now they would only be a stutter. 

Vil had just been admiring your face, the confusion in your eyes and blush on your cheeks. It was like he could hear you screaming internally. He hoped to soon have you screaming out loud for him, but before that he needed you at least share what you thought, "Did you enjoy that?"

"Y-yes!" You pipped up quickly nodding extensively until his hand rested on your cheek to still your head. 

"Good. Would you like me to do it again?"

"Like now?" You do not know why those were the next words out of your mouth instead of screaming yes. You wanted to smack your head on something. His expression flattened at your question, so dense. "Ahaha.. that was a stupid question..." You continued awkwardly, "Yes. Please kiss me again."

Rather than answer Vil just pushed his lips to yours once again. It still felt surreal, but each time he pulled away for a quick breath before returning the contact made you a bit more relaxed. Finally you pressed back into his kisses. You weren't the most knowledgeable about this activity but he was setting a very good example. Soon he had lifted you onto the counter, his hands resting on your thighs with your arms wrapped around his neck. Pressed against each other as his tongue slipped between your lips and ran along your own.

You let out a small squeak as his teeth grazed your tongue. You could feel Vil's lips curving into a smirk at that. So, you tried to be bold back and gave a light nip to his bottom lip. His had squeezed your thigh and a grunt escaped his lips, which was much more of a reaction than you expected. 

After that, Vil's kisses got a lot more hungry. He wasn't afraid to use his teeth or stick his tongue in your mouth and using it every way he could. Your fingers remained around his neck, running through his hair. It was so soft and silky, as much as you wanted your fingers tangled in it they always slid out smooth as can be. His hands slid up your thighs and gripped your hips tugging you closer. With him pressed between your legs you could feel his growing erection, especially when he started grinding his hips against you. Your breath hitched at the feeling, your grip in his hair tightened leading to Vil gasp.

"I wish I could be inside you right now." He grunted, long elegant fingers fiddled with the edge of your clothing. "But this isn't the best time or place. I still have a party going on after all." You had forgotten about that, even as he was talking you just wanted to keep kissing him. He gave you a few more before smacking his hips against yours.

"A-ah! Vil~"

He smirked at your little cry, "I can't carry on like this though, it's very distracting and quite uncomfortable."

"I'll help, I can help..." Your lust-hazed eyes drifted down to the bulge in his peacock colored pants, staring until his hand gripped your chin turning it up to look back at him. His thumb grazed over your bottom lip. Your eyes meet his letting him know exactly what you were wanting to do as you took his thumb into your mouth sucking softly. "Good answer, darling. Now get on your knees."  

You both moved quickly. You slid off the counter and set yourself up on your knees before him. Vil dropped his pants and pulled out his cock. He moaned softly stroking it a few times, leaving you practically drooling at the sight.  "Tap my leg, twice if you need to stop. Try not to make a mess." His free hand gripped the counter for stability as he lead his cock to your mouth. 

You didn't even think to tease him, just instantly wanting to taste him you engulfed the head in your mouth. Sucking lightly and swirling your tongue around to get a good taste. It wasn't a good taste but not quite bad either. You eased yourself into it, taking the time before taking more in. You were sure to breath through your nose, sucking quickly. Vil's breathing quickly grew ragged, his hips moving ever so slightly just to keep up friction. 

The occasional noises that escaped him were music to your ears, and spurred you on to delve deeper, to please him more. You made sure to pay attention to your actions along with his reaction. "Use your hands too." His hand left the counter and took your hand leading it to the base of his cock where your mouth wouldn't be reaching. "Mmm, there. Very good." His hand rested back now on your head. You began to move your hand, twisting it around the shaft and squeezing. Your head continuing to bob up and down on his dick. It was an almost hypnotizing action with how rhymic the motions were and Vil's sweet moans. You let out a moan yourself starting to enjoy the taste and feel and just the thought of you pleasing him. Wondering what his cum would taste like.

Either you were getting better or he was getting closer as his noises seemed to be getting louder. More moans between his gasps, his hand dragging into your hair. You let out another moan at his touch. 

"You're doing well, hah~ You better swallow it all." His head rolled back along his shoulders, "No mess remember." His grip tightened in your hair. You groaned against his cock as the easiest form of agreement and the sensation of him tugging your hair. Your moans became more frequent as your movements increased. You wanted to make him happy, you wanted to know you pleased him and you wanted his cum down your throat. 

You could feel his dick start to pulse just before he let out a loud scream as he unloaded into you. There wasn't much room to move with his grip on your hair and did your best to keep swallowing down his cum until his grip slacked and he pulled himself out of you. 

"I heard a scream." "I think it came from this way."  "Let's go check it out!" 

You heard some voices in the distance, then footsteps. Were others coming? They couldn't see you like this, or Vil. What would people think? But what could you do? You were still recovering trying to catch your breath. Thankfully Vil was a bit more oriented. He tugged up his pants and grabbed you by the arm and pulled you beneath the floor boards into a secret passage. He closed the trap door just before the other entered, gazing at an empty room.

Now that you were safe, Vil properly adjusted himself, making sure his look was at its usual state of perfection. "Are you alright?" He asked, wrapping an arm around you so your could lean on him. "You did wonderfully. Didn't spill at all either." 

You smiled, "Really? I'm glad... I didn't get a good taste of your cum though" 

"Maybe next time." His lips pressed against your forehead. Your heart fluttered at the idea of being able to do something like this with Vil again. 

Vil fluffed his peacock jacket and straightened the pin on his scarf. "Now I believe there is still a murder that needs investigating."

[iscribble]

pairing | youtuber!renjun x student!reader genre(s) | fluff, slice of life, strangers to potential lovers, college au word count | 1.8k summary | you’re always the type to be punctual, so it takes you by surprise that you’re willing to give up your time for something else - someone else, rather; a stranger.  author’s note | havent written in so long that i just had to put something out there. im really sorry for being so inactive! :( 

An extended but lonely crack slithers down the bathroom mirror, grazing your reflection on the glass that is opaque with moisture. Through the corner of your eye you perceive one-fourth of the aged, spreading tree outside your apartment whenever the old creaking door swings open with the wind. The quiet—but prominent—plop of the water that leaks through the apertures on the pipe hits your ears, and it is only after a while that you find it fills the little space between your toe and the tip of your shoe. The leak doesn’t bother you though. Neither does the crack, nor the random wind gusts. A yellow lip balm bounces in your palm, cap greasy from applying too much on your finger. You would exchange a mere lip balm for a heat pack, but you put it on anyway. The harsh cracks on your lips are now tucked away underneath a tacky layer of cream, and you find it amusing how easily it wears away. 

You are late, for the first time in months. Nothing really bothers you as much as glancing at the clock and seeing its hands where you least expect them to be.

In your defense, it was an afternoon class. You don’t usually have afternoon classes unless your professor needs to reschedule, which, inevitably, resets your agenda for the rest of the day. You, on the other hand, are not used to rescheduling. So when you can’t feel the warm shaft of sunlight skim across your eyelids, instead, only the feeling of cold air brushing past your skin and the faint sound of your alarm, you jolt awake, guilty of sleeping in. You try not blame yourself though—this doesn’t happen everyday and you are still not used to it. 

The station is disposed with a boring facade and a duller interior. The giant vintage clock shows 15:18. The three seater bench still holds too many people.  There is that man with the navy-coloured down jacket behind the counter, uninterested in the regulars who flock to their respective platforms. These are the same sequences, the same faces, like people are helpless boats going with the current. You scrunch up your nose, admitting you are one of them too. 

You make your way inside the train, opting to sit near no one else. It takes a while for you to settle down, but when you do, you catch someone looking at you. Harbor gray coat, brown hair, black mask. You don’t recognise him anywhere on campus. You think maybe he attends one of the afternoon classes, but you don’t assume further. 

15:29.

You leave the train with a spring in your step, but not out of enthusiasm. The familiar crisp white frontage of the building comes into view, your heart skipping a beat as you think of the worst that could happen upon stepping inside the lecture hall. One strap of your tote slides down your shoulder, and just as you are about to pick it up, the other strap goes loose and drags your bag down with it. A couple of coloured pens roll out, you grumble to yourself and crouch down to stop them from rolling any farther. You fail at this, when you turn around to pick up a blue pen and realise that someone else beat you to it. The stranger from the train. 

“Got it,” he chuckles, and you feel embarrassed. He returns your pen, but his eyes don’t stop at your hands. His gaze lowers a short distance, you’re almost sure he’s looking at the brick road beneath you, but you’re not really sure why. When you stand back up he vaguely shakes his head, like he’s been thinking about something else, but you don’t miss it.  

“Thank you,” you say, too fast that it almost sounds insolent. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he returns with a smile behind his mask. “I’m Renjun, by the way.” He extends his hand for you to shake. What’s he doing? Why's he acting like he’s about to proceed with an interview or something?

You learn that he really does want to “interview” you. “I’m a youtuber,” he informs. It is only then that you realise someone else is standing behind him, occupied with a camera. 

“Oh,” you eventually reply, but nothing else. He waits for the typical “that’s cool!” but you are too quiet, Renjun can practically hear someone making a fuss about her peppermint hot chocolate being too hot in the distance. “Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? It’s for a youtube video.” He speaks up. You say nothing at first. Your fingers that hide underneath the rib-knit cuff curl into a ball. You feel the crack that litters your lower lip flaunt itself, the thick lip balm that conceals it long gone. You seem even more conscious of your worn out shoes that somehow feel damper than they already are. Putting your weight on one leg, you try your best to decline him in the most mannerly way possible. 

“I’m really sorry but I’m actually late to class.”

You can’t see his smile but you know it falters. His glasses droop a little, you see the red marks on the bridge of his nose. “I see.” Is all he says. He looks back at his friend and shrugs. “Thank you, anyways.” Your stomach churns. You don’t want to be the reason he leaves empty handed, yet he is leaving, empty handed and all. Somehow, your concern for punctuality slowly withers away.

“No, wait,” you catch his fingers just before he turns the other way. He winces. Not because of the sudden swell of your voice, but because your hands are a little too cold. You steal a glance at the watch on your wrist. 15:32. Renjun finds your eyes. He doesn’t say it, that your hands are too cold, but he takes them in his own, warming them up. Strangely enough, your whole body heats up at the gesture. 

“Class can wait, whatever. What’d you want to ask me?”

Renjun’s eyes all but light up. He signals for his friend to start filming. “Alright, a few questions about college, I’m going to try and guess your major.”

“Oh, that’s new,” you raise an eyebrow. “Did you come up with the idea?”

“Nah,” Renjun laughs, he brings up a hand to push his hair back. “Just following a trend.”

15:33. You nod. “Alright, go on.”

You notice a few things about Renjun. The way he speaks, like you’ve known each other for a long time. The way his hair isn’t exactly brown, rather russet, a little red. When you look closer into his eyes, you see they match his hair. You wish you could see his lips, see if they’re as cracked as yours, if he puts lip balm on a little too much, but the black mask he wears that almost reaches his eyes tells you it’s too early for that. Perhaps, if he lowers the article just a few inches, you’ll understand that the circles beneath his eyes mean that he’s equally as tired as you. He asks you questions, not rushed, and though you are definitely late to class, you couldn’t bring yourself to care anymore.

“Might have an idea,” he looks to the camera tentatively, then back to you. “Chemistry?”

“You’re good,” your compliment reaches his ears. “How’d you guess?”

Renjun punches the air in glee as if he won the lottery. “Honestly, couldn’t get a single clue from what you said. But I saw your Analytical Chemistry book peeking out from your tote when it fell.” 

“Whoops, my bad.” You share a laugh. 

“And as a thank you for the—” he scrutinizes his watch, “—five minutes I just took from your time, this is for you.” A heat pack. You didn’t know how much you needed one until your hands reach for the item almost immediately.

15:38. You squeeze the pad as heat begins to radiate from it. Renjun’s friend lowers the camera as soon as you’re done filming, and it is then that Renjun seems like he has something else on his mind.

“Uhm,” he half-whispers. You look at him, confused. “Your shoes.”

You know what he means. Your shoes leave ambiguous trails of dirt, just slightly. Renjun notices it though. Your shoes are rather soggy, like they were deliberately dipped in water. Traces of soil scatter the outsole, centimetres up and you’ll see a small patch of fabric, sewn on to cover the hole that’s exposing your toes. You tremble slightly, bringing your right foot behind your left in an attempt to hide it from him. No one has ever pointed it out.

“Oh. They’re old, but, they work.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he scoffs lightly. “Let me buy you new ones.”

“No.” You realise that comes out too abruptly. “Please, that’s really unnecessary.”

15:39.

“You’re late to class,” he reasons with you. “At least let me make it up to you.” The obscure rift on your bottom lip bleeds a little. You like to bite it whenever you feel nervous. Renjun reaches for his phone in the pocket of his ivory trousers and hands it to you. 

“We can go over the details through text,” he subtly looks at his friend, wanting to know if the gesture is okay. “If you don’t mind, of course.”

15:40. You give in. Your fingers are stiff—you realise you’re giving your number to a stranger, so you take some time to secretly ponder over the situation, although you hate to admit Renjun feels more like a new friend. He sends you a message once you give him his phone back just to make sure you get his number. 

“Thank you,” you smile at him. “That’s really kind of you.”

15:41.

You hesitate before a hand comes up to wave at him and his friend, though the heat pack is still crushed between your fingers. Renjun pulls his mask down for the first time, and it would be weird to say you were waiting for it. For his smile. You can perceive through the white fabric whenever it shifts that he is smiling underneath there, but now it’s irrefutable, the evidence that he actually is smiling, and you’re glad that’s the last thing you see before the customary sight moulds into view, once again. 

If someone had told you this morning that you’d be willing to sacrifice your punctuality for a stranger, you’d knock some sense into them. But as you stand before the doors to the lecture hall, phone in your grip as you stare at the cerulean waters you fancy as your lock screen, no, rather, the notification that overlays it “let me know when you’re in class, i feel responsible lol”, the unusual feeling that blooms inside your chest reminds you that you could live a little less orderly and a little more self-willed.

15:43.

You’re thirteen minutes late. Though now, nothing really bothers you as much as not being able to concentrate in class because he’s all you can think about.