#i honestly dont even know but just roll with it
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bed chem
warnings; uhm sex lol? oral (male and femme recieving) very whorish thoughts, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it pls pls pls), brief mentions of bruising and hickeys, dirty talk. breeding kink if you squint
p. 1 | p. 3
word count; 2295
summary; jj and you have always been able to get along as long as it was in a nice comfy bed. what happens when you start to wonder if your chemistry goes beyond that?
divider by: @bernardsbendystraws
im being so for real when i say id let jj do just about anything he wanted to me.
and im not even being dramatic.
the second i can feel his lips make contact with that spot below my ear and his hands leaving finger prints on my hips, im a goner.
i dont necessarily know what it is about him specifically, and saying its our chemistry feels so icky to say but i dont know how else to describe it.
the way he hooks his thumbs through the belt loops on my shorts? like right now? yea im soaked already.
"mama you've been teasin me all night with that fucking idiot of a date- dont gotta do that baby you just gotta ask me for it."
"jj less talking more tongue."
"yes mama," he smirks up at me from his lap, his lips going back to my neck.
i have to interrupt him because i simply cant keep this shirt on my body. unfortunately i did have my cakes on so he just had to chuckle at them
"jj weve talked about this! they aren't funny!"
"baby theyre boob pancakes for your nipples its always gonna be hilarious."
" 'always' as if youre gonna see them again. how confident."
"sweetheart you say that every time. just let me give the girls some love and enjoy it, yea?" with that he starts peppering kisses all over my chest, his hands pawing at both of them.
"jesus-" the moans that come from my throat are honestly embarrassing but hes just too fucking good at this. he knows every sensitive inch on me.
its like he has me fucking memorized its insane. he feels insane.
and it doesnt help that he loves eye contact. i hate admitting that it flusters me, i dont want him knowing it takes everything in me to keep half of my dignity when he has me like this.
my fingers find the buckle of his belt doing my best to blindly work it off of his waist desperate to get whats under his pants.
im not ashamed to admit that.
"someones eager tonight," he pulls off of my chest with a noisy pop sound, smiling that signature cocky grin that i love to hate. "you gonna tell me what you want?"
i push him back onto the bed so i have easier access to his belt, more so his dick if im being honest.
"i want you to stop talking so i can get your pants off. why dont you work on that shirt for me baby?"
"well since you asked so sweetly," he chuckles throwing off his cut off while helping you get rid of his shorts. "only if you put your shorts on the floor next to mine."
"thats such a weird fucking thing to say jj what the fuck?"
"what? i thought thatd be cute."
"youre so freaking weird," you roll your eyes sliding off your shorts throwing them in whatever direction. they land next to his
jj sits there, head against the pillows watching me. i cant help but feel uneasy, im aware that i have no reason to be uncomfortable and that hes seen me this way plenty of times before but theres something in his eyes that makes me feel like hes drinking in every inch of me and its a but unsettling,
"youre so pretty. cant get enough of ya. ever," he gestures for me to come closer with his fingers before snapping and pointing to his face, "park it pretty mama."
"jj-" i start to interrupt him but he refuses any rebuttal.
"uh uh. weve talked about this. youre gonna sit on my face and im gonna eat it as much as i please. cmon now dont be shy. it doesnt suit you."
blush eats away at your cheeks as you crawl forward closer to his face, gripping the headboard for stability.
"im not shy."
"then act like it baby. now let me taste you, wanna warm you up good for me," and with those last words his arms wrap around my hips and he pulls me down so my weight is on his face.
the second his lips make contact his tongue is READY to work, and let me be clear he knows where the clit is okay? Sucking, licking, even nipping he does it all so fucking good.
all while looking up at me as i use his face like a damn chair.
my hips are desperately trying match the pace of his tongue, i can feel his nose rubbing against my clit giving me the best kind of friction im looking for.
oh my god and when he moans into me?? im done. finished. totaled. i cannot stop the sounds im making.
my legs shake beside his head, and hes staring up at me so smug, so proud of himself like his ability to make me cum was ever in question.
"see? so good for me mama was that so hard?"
i cant even get the words out, still clutching onto the headboard catching my breath. "jj-"
"ive got you dont worry," he picks me up by my waist and twists us so hes now hovering over me. "ill make you feel so good i promise."
"jj- i-" i try to take a deep breath and gather my thoughts, none of them holy obviously. "just gimme a second-"
"awe, someone overstimulated? already?"
i close my eyes and take a deep breath, because yes i do get easily overstimulated. "dont be a dick-"
"i havent even pulled it out yet."
"oh yea? lets see what you've got to say when ive got you all up in my mouth huh? lets find out baby."
i move out from underneath him and lay my head off the edge of the bed, looking at him with an excited glimmer in my eyes and my tongue sticking out.
"holy shit-" i giggle watching jj practically fall off the bed to take his boxers off, fumbling to do so. "are you serious?"
"yea jayj im serious," i say through a few laughs. "now cmere. remember you dont gotta hold back. i can take it."
"oh my god- shit. mama you keep talking like that and im not gonna last."
"i dont wanna talk jj i want your cock in my mouth," and with those final words his boxers drop to the floor. and i can see how ready is, honestly it looks painful. and i wanna make him feel all better.
my hand finds his, pulling him closer to the beds edge. once his length is over my mouth i run my tongue down his shaft, taking him into my hand and pumping what i cant reach.
"you ready for me baby?"
jj doesnt answer, he grabs my hair and tugs my head down further having me open my mouth before stuffing me full.
i can hear the groan he lets out, its guttural. and hot as fuck.
my tongue slides along his length almost asking to pull him in deeper. but he keeps still for a moment, gathering himself so he can continue.
but i know my boy. hes not gonna wait much longer to be inside me and i have no plans on arguing about it.
after a minute his hips buck forward a bit. "you good mama?"
and of course i cant really respond with his dick in my mouth. so naturally i try to take him deeper, urging him to move his hips again.
his grip on my hair tightened as he buried himself as deep as he could and slowly pulling back out.
poor guy is torturing himself! i havent even done anything, and he knows he doesnt have to go this slow.
he keeps his rhythm slow and steady, and i can feel the anticipation in his muscles restricting himself so i give his thigh a quick tap letting him know to pull away.
"jj you okay? you can go faster."
he lets a groan fall from his already pouty lips, "mama i cant handle going faster. need to be in ya when i bust."
i cant help but chuckle at his admission.
"oh baby. shouldve just said somethin. how you want me?"
i love making his eyes roll to the back of is head. but not like that weird anime shit. you know what i mean?
jj jumps back onto the mattress, back against the headboard patting his lap. "you know i want the girls all up in my face sweetheart. cmon and give me a good ride."
"yes captain," did i always say that jokingly? of course. did he always take it seriously? absolutely.
i climb over his lap, letting my knees rest against the bed sheets.
"youre still on the pill mama? or you still like the idea of me puttin a baby in ya" he looks up at me with pleading eyes, praying i am because he knows that means ill let him in bare. so fucking pussy whipped. i love it.
"jj you wouldn't be in this bed with me if i wasnt, now are you clean?" i have to ignore the baby comment because yea i really really really do.
"if you really believed i wasnt you wouldve have just tried to suck out my soul."
he does technically have a point there. "cant think straight when youre just standing there you know that jj. cmon are you clean or not?"
"youre the only one for me sweetheart. hop on, please. im beggin ya. need you so bad mama its killin me."
"'s gonna be a tight fit. 'm already so swollen down there."
"jesus," his head falls to rest on my chest and its like he all of a sudden remembers i have tits. peppering kisses all over my chest before wrapping his mouth over my nipple as i line him up. "baby you dont even know what youre saying. what its doin to me. got me so worked up im not gonna last long."
"good thing too because neither am i."
letting my weight lower onto him we moan out in unison, grabbing the hairs at the nape of his neck i hold tight as i let the sting of his size settle.
i do adjust rather quickly, seeing as hes been inside me plenty times before.
rocking my hips to start slow, i press small kisses on his hair as his grip on my hips tightens. part of me hopes i have little finger tip bruises tomorrow. they always show through my swimsuits. jj cant get enough of them.
"shit baby i need more.. cmon you can take it. its alright im not goin no where. give it to me."
fuck does he know how to talk me through it.
i raise myself a little only to leave a small drop, increasing the pace with each bounce. because holy shit he just hits that spot every damn time. sometimes i legit wonder if his dick was made for me.
then i roll my eyes at how fucking whipped i sound.
"yeaaa thats it mama. you keep that up, just how ya like it," thats the last thing he says before his thumbs starts toying with my clit and his mouth is once against attached to one of my breasts.
jjs the only guy that ive ever told that i need something else when hes inside me. never once made me feel insecure or guilty about it. in fact, i kind think he loves that he gets to play with me more.
"holy shit- jay- jay im close... you there baby?"
i can feel him nod against me so i move faster, harder, whatever i can do to chase that high im so desperately close to. and i can tell hes close to, hes got a little twitch whenever hes almost there and it feel soooo fucking good. takes me right over the edge.
"yeaaa gorgeous thats it. want me to fill you up? want me to make you my real mama?"
my head buries itself in his neck, covering it in small kisses to muffle my moans as i finish all over him.
and he's not close behind, thrusting up to meet me as i ride out mine, finishing just moments after me and i can feel him covering my insides.
and dammit if i dont wanna feel this way forever.
"so fucking good mama. made just for me i swear..." he mumbles against my chest leaving little hickeys as he catches his breath.
after a minute of just holding onto each other he slowly lowers me to the bed knowing that my legs feel like jelly.
he presses a kiss to my cheek before headed to the bathroom and grabbing us a wet washcloth. he rubs it over my thighs and my stomach and neck before cleaning me up carefully, knowing it helps me cool off afterwards.
"thank you jayj... always so sweet."
"shucks mama dont worry about it, you know ill always take care of you."
after cleaning the both of us up he grabs his muscle tank he was wearing before handing it to me so i can have some coverage while i sleep.
"want me to go out on the couch?" he wondered. always so thoughtful.
"dont be stupid. climb on in big boy."
his stupid sleepy smile is so freakin cute, i hate it.
"night jj."
"night sweetheart. love ya."
i know he says it every time. every night in fact. so why when he tells me that does it put a pit in my stomach?
and just like that, with his arms around me, hes peacefully asleep and im wide awake wondering what the fuck im doing.
#fic recs <3#dic recs <3#jj maybank need you by my side#mdni#my writing <3#jj maybank fics#jj maybank smut#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank#short n sweet
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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive
ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is
#snap chats#i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets#on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone#so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll#ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla#i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others#i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr#i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things#evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least#but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs#with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO#again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything#come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent#also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL#god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull#my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny#cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character#i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This#like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her#honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there#just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this
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serendipity of me sometimes wondering how my portrayal would've been like had i stuck strictly to canon's rules in regards to the curse(tm) and dark vanished as soon as daisuke's love became mutual with somebody but then all of dai's ship partners would get stuck with him sighing to himself like. all the time. forever
#*・゚⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#what is he without his inner domineering goth ojou-sama drama queen honestly#i know he'd cope just like daiki or alternatively daisuke just. would take even LONGER to ever confess or open up to others#bc he wouldn't want dark to go away#id hope all the muns would beat me with empty cardboard toilet paper rolls#daisuke turning so depressed in the 2nd ln without dark or towa arc feeling the same etc etc sugisaki herself saying shed be so lonely#once dnangel was finished and dark d*ed waaaaaa cries cries cries#tsun vc my fav canon divergence for rp is everybody gets weird bf bird polycule forever instead of ^^^^^^^ any of that#dark's stupid phantom of the opera erik ass is coming with us everybody's going to hold his hand#pry him OUT of the ABYSS he keeps trying to plunge himself into as penance. it's not absolution it's just isolation!!!#even if not especially amongst the niwa family members he's loveddd dont let him go away....#ok. im sleepy. i did stuff today tho#gn!!! hope any muts staying up have a nice time ✨✨
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hello long vent / kinda updates ( in tags for both ) & also i love you all sm
#life is hard man#i cant socialize for shit#i appreciate everyone whose been reaching out to me and stuff#i wanna clarify my lack of responses is due to the mess that is my life rn#but also im autistic as hell and bad at messaging#tbh#i just have lots of trauma / problems there so communication is really difficult for me#and i am not sure how to navigate it#im doing my best but it is so hard#im not good at messaging back or knowing what to say etc#its been really hard#im an anxious mess most days#and its honestly not getting better its getting worse#i have lots of untreated mental stuff going on#managed to do a screening yesterday so the ball is rolling but its slow & im out of time#rn my partner + friends & wrestling are whats getting me through this#like aside from my cat and a junk drawer full of small things thats about what i got#and life is not very kind to me / us#feels like its working against us actively tbh#and theres some family stuff that went down thats intense#after my nightmare day at all out. i learned a lot more about my place in my family that i didnt really wanna learn rn#so i am. a mess#all my problems are literally so severe i cannot function. i cant do tasks. i cant think. i literally have panic attacks over everything#anxiety attacks that last whole days or hours cause my skin just stays shaking and wrong#my ocd is unbearable#and i cant leave my house really anymore#and select moments i can but. i dont even have those anymore really#i wish i could explain the mess of how bad im doing and also express the gratitude for the people still around#or the people checking in#i am trying to! i am still trying.
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Arlecchino discourse is really awkward because both sides are so convinced they are right and that the other side just lacks media literacy but 9 times out of 10 the take in question is also wrong and it leaves me scratching my head a little bit….
#fuzzy rambles#like either they are like ‘no she is bad and doesnt care for the kids at all’ or its ‘she is good actually and does care for the kids’#and for me its like… damn…. its actually a little more complicated than that but ok ig#saw someone say she doesnt care for freminet or lynette she just uses them as pawns for lyney to be her heir#which is so incorrect on almost every level#it’s basically a self report that they dont know freminet or lynettes relationship with arlecchino#like i think we can agree raising child solider is problematic or whatever while not painting everything she does as master manipulation#like the things ppl claim are just her 5000 level iq manipulation… rolling my eyes it doesnt even make sense#but at the same time she obviously isnt a saint who has everyones best interests in mind because they are still childe soliders#even tho things got better when she took control there is still a lot of cultish and cruel behaviors the kids get drilled into them#tho honestly the whole fatui is like that look at any of the recurits who arent from the orphanage and they are equally brainwashed#if not us than who or whatever (girl who thinks about what happened in the chasm and want to eat drywall)#idk. dont yall have parents? like u can love and care for a child and still suck as a parent#you can try to not become ur abusive mother and still turn into a monster of sorts#ignore the childe instead of child its literally muscle memory how embarrassing
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working on my first dnd character and. i didn't think it would be this hard?? am i overthinking it????
#our dm helped me roll the stats and figure out skills and the rest#but i basically have no idea about this character. like no backstory or motivation or even a name or a vague visual idea#and usually when i create ocs that just sorta happens but now im just???? girl who are you????#also im incredibly nervous about the game. i dont wanna fuck anything up but i know i will#not even getting into the fact that historically i dont do well in improvisational situations#(read: every time i was forced to do impro roleplay game as part of sume stupid team building exercise i ended up panicking)#so honestly idk what i expect from this#but ive been wanting to play for years and im so lucky i found a group so i should do my best#which rolls back up to. i dont wnat to fuck it up#aaaaaaaahh#my posts
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i havent even read enough gl to justify the feelings and emotions i have about kyle i just have the lovers heart and also something wrong with me. and my projection. in my mind he's just like me. and he would have loved college vending machine frozen cheeseburger and heating it up in the microwave at 1 in the morning because he was bored and didn't want to work on a drawing assignment on 20" x 30" paper that was due tomorrow in his freshman year. he would have loved going to the club to push off finals work that's creating the worst stress known to man in his brain. and he would love to annoy the fuck out of his roommate when high and avoiding homework on a saturday.
#IN MY MIND HE'S JUST LIKE ME and i understand why he dropped out of art school also.#i need to get back to my readings but im too into thinking about the couple dozen issues i have read#and then going i wonder what he was like in college. and the answer is definitely fucking annoying.#if i knew him i know we would be not arguing in art history class. i would be saying his takes are stupid outside of class during break.#and he would go i dont know how somoene can defend british utilitarian furniture so vehemently and try to liken it to bauhaus design#our arguments would also stem from having very different art history and therefore philosophy education. his background would be from a pro#who would focus on european canon as per usual while my prof was coming from the perspective of someone with a phd in asian art history#and a curriculum based mostly around exploring and investigating non euro art work and how movements like modernism and#post modernism functioned in other continents.#this is such a main blog post but idont care. EVERYONE HAS TO KNOW HOW I PROJECT AND INTERACT WITH HIM IN MY MIND#he would also hate how i argue for art even i dont care about by approaching it at the philosophical angle.#'how do you like this it's barely even art. or it is art. but it's a boring cop out for suckers. honestly.'#'the thing is i dont like it. i just think you need to expand your world views and stop being close minded. youre limiting yourself.'#you might go eiffel what are you basing this on? the answer is vaguely remembered panels in my mind plus generally taste opinions of his i#can gleam from what art references they give him within issues.#it would also be funny bc like. he has a background in design... he's just stubborn and snobby i think when it then comes to the realm of#fine arts. i think his opinions and how they operate in regards to design + illustration + non gallery art are probably quite different#but i cant lie. from the singular 'i dont wanna be some loser who shows up with a blank canvas to a gallery' panel i remember someone talki#about in a post i have used it to create a variety of thoughts i think he could have had.#and the answer is the opinions of someone definitely a little annoying in art school. with a pretty standard traditional training#and background that stems from euo+american art history and sensibilities that inform how he interacts with art. which is very normal#but i think it's funny to view him as someone i would probably roll my eyes at for some comments he would be making.#and it gets funnier with how he acts generally as a person.#kyle you cant be this snobby when you are drawing pin ups of your work crush in your home studio...#good lord this got so long i have a problem. hi. sorry to my new follower your kyle posting made me go ha ha kyle. i like that guy.#static.soundz#back issues box#< it might as well go there bc i blabbed way too hard and too much. sorry. overtaken by an entity in my mind
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name some canonically nonbinary characters why dont you
#toy txt post#those 'name 10 female characters' posts got me rolling my eyes again. just ultimate performative bullshit huh#its giving i think picking a favorite blorbo os activism. by shipping an appropriate amount of femslash in a way that is genuine#but not overbearing or that might be fetishizing! and im not forgetting the characters for the ships not like those nasty m/m shippers!#and by doing this i will reinstate abortion rights. with my Feminist Tastes. im putting words in ppls mouths and being petty but good god#like everyday this shits on my dash. can you all just start blocking the annyoing misogynist m/m shippers you dislike then?#'dont name a male character you just call babygirl' are you normal about trans headcanons? im sure im SURE you are getting the most#annoying fuckers in the world in your notes just calling male characters babygirl without it being a trans headcanon but i have seen so#many posts of this flavor now. are you consuming media correctly? are you consuming the correct media correctly? are you doing it right?#are you meeting your ship quota? are you caring about the characters outside of their ships enough? are you shipping the characters of#color the right amount the right ways to the right characters but not too much cos that might be fetishy? are you headcanoning them aspec?#are YOU aspec? we'll give you a begrudging pass for headcanoning marginalized characters as Aspec MAYBE but dont get too annoyed about#seeing ships and you have to be so polite about everyone equating aspec headcanons with infantilization with no thought to the irony that#in doing so theyre infantilizing aspecs. its honestly 50/50 if you get a pass to headcanon a character as aspec. but we will talk about#doing so as a one to one example of writing the character out of the way of your ship. you and i are not the same. name ten female#characters. name 5 of their albums and recite all the lyrics from memory. produce 5 pieces of heartfelt fic or fanart to prove your genuine#love of the character. are you going to be normal about it if someone names a cano ically male character they headcanon as a trans fem?#or will you start on some shit about how that doesnt count cos shes not a real girl? or do you know better than to say that bc that would#be genuinely shitty. are you doing it right? are you doing it right? are you doing it right? prove your fandom activism to me. write a#feminist retelling of the narrative. what if i name 10 female characters that im headcanoning as transmasc or nonbinary and calling them#babygirl? are you doing it right? am i doing it right yet? am i performing fan engagement correctly?#am i correctly engaging with fan content? is this going to please your algorithm? but not too much. just a little spicy. a little punk. but#not so much i get banned from the platform. for fandom. am i doing it right? are you shipping Pure and Wholesome Ships?#are you Cool and Edgy? do you only ship characters that hate each other that kill each other that are siblings that are problematic? have#you gone so far the other way you think youre cool to scoff at those silly tiktok puritans who only ship pure ships? you wont even think#about a show if its Politically correct you want it to call you a slur. cos youre tough and cool not like those mentally weak uncritical#tiktok puriteens. are you winning son? are you winning? are you having fun yet? are you doing it right? pass my gauntlet#are you a fake nerd girl? name five obscure comics characters to prove youre a real fan. do you hate women? are you winning?#are you winning at correctly engaging with media content? do you get a sticker? is there a sticker for naming 10 female characters? what#about 20. do you completly write off media with Less Women? put your money where your mouth is then. ship the girls in fast and furious
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i have an exam tomorrow but i know my brain won't know rest until i post this. anyway i just looked up the lyrics to 超度我/set me free by floruitshow and i just. have to inflict this song onto other people it is so robits
(real quick one thing i will say is please listen to the song, i once described floruitshow as 'the perfect combination of classically trained and a little bit insane' and this song is 100% that vibe. like i cant promise you'll like it but i can promise that it probably won't sound like anything else you've heard before)
Also I'll only be translating the verses because the chorus is literally lines straight from the Diamond Sutra and explaining those is above my paygrade
(Verse 1)
来不及 There's no time left 最后一句想你来不及让你知道 No time left to say to you my last 'I miss you' 再也回不去 We can't ever return 那个有彩虹出现的下午 to that afternoon when the rainbow appeared 再也感受不到你温度 I won't ever feel your warmth again 如果你留我在梦里 If you left me in my dreams 我会放弃呼吸 I can give up my breath 请 超度我 Please, set me free
VR-LA during/after MR-SN's death?? reflecting on all the things he never got to say, all the things they never got to do because they never got enough time together, 'i can give up my breath' all that time VR-LA spent alone on that empty ship fighting the thoughts of leaving it all behind.. (yells)
(Verse 2)
对不起 I'm sorry 不经意就在你的影子里活下去 It's so easy to live on in your shadow 我不在意 But I don't mind 不过是白日梦里一瞬息 It's nothing but a moment in a daydream 为何还起念动心 Why does my heart still stir? 怪你名字太熟悉 It's all because your name is too familiar 当我是一花一叶一春木 if I pretend I were a flower, a leaf, a spring sapling 可否回到世界之初 Can I return to the beginning of it all? 请 超度我 Please, set me free
Y'all wanna talk about how VR-LA's still not over MR-SN. or how he spends s2-s3 haunted by his old crew ('live on in your shadow' owwww). 'a moment in a daydream' VR-LA seeing MR-SN in overclock... being stuck in the horrible horrible headspace of the Zuggtemoy curse and finding comfort in this snippet of the captain he can barely remember.. 'your name is too familiar' i mean just look at the wish speech! he says it better than i ever could, it's getting the old crew's names from maxim that really sets VR-LA off on this whole journey to find them because even after the everything just their names is enough for him to remember how much he loved and still loves them!! augh
(Outro)
我的执念 万千千千 My obsessions, hundreds and thousands 放不下地 放不下天 I can't let go of the earth, I can't let go of the sky 我把红线折折剪剪 I cut and fold at the red strings 落入凡间镜重圆 I fall to the mortal realm to seek reunion
Again, y'all wanna talk about how VR-LA's still not over MR-SN. but also the last two lines as being MR-SN's POV, the 'red strings' being a reference to the red strings of fate (strings that tie lovers/soulmates together... aaa), MR-SN (or well, Mystra, I guess) literally defying fate so that they can meet again. 镜重圆 here is likely referring to 破镜重圆, a phrase that directly translates to "mending a broken mirror" and basically refers to couples (generally romantic) reconciling/reuniting after a breakup/some kind of separation which... i mean yeah thats literally just 3.7 huh. MR-SN coming back from the dead to give VR-LA closure and catharsis. anyway i'm gonna go lie on the floor now
#rolling with difficulty#rwd starship#vr la rwd#im so. jahsfksjhdfkjh#my ears are kinda bad (read: auditory processing issues) so like.. for a lot of cpop songs with more poetic? fancy? lyrics#i tend to like just add them to my playlist even if i dont actually know what the lyrics are#esp since i listen to a lot of gufeng/'historical style' cpop because i like that genre's sound but the lyrics are EXTRA incomprehensible#so basically i had this song in my playlist for like.. about a year but i was never 100% on what the lyrics are#so yeah i looked up the lyrics today and uh. felt like i got hit by a train#funnily enough i now have a floruitshow song for all my robit favs! WHY DO THEY MAKE SUCH GOOD ROBIT MUSIC#set me free = VR-LA; him = MR-SN; how can i make you stay = maxim#considering im already making an animatic for him (and made a little animation snippet for how can i make you stay) its honestly like..#kinda.. tempting to just round out the trinity. like if i can make one animatic how hard can 2 more be? (famous last words)#also because like with the september patreon reward im even more convinced that how can i make you stay is just the maxim song of all time#its just that the diamod sutra chorus on this one kinda. complicates matters#and also because i saw an INCREDIBLE genshin animatic of this song on bilibili once and it HAUNTS me#i dont play genshin anymore i dont even like xiao it's just one of those things were like#the artistic merit on display is so impressive i have to respect the project on skill level alone#its *so good* like i cant fuckin. not even surpass i cant get anywhere *near* that. what the fuck??#intellectually i know thats not how art works but. hnnnGGG#its that animatic and noir (the other one)'s stultifer cantus mv thats like#on a tier list of all the animatics ive seen in my life theyre on the 'lose your fuckin mind beautiful' tier#Spotify
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last post ended up deleting my tags so im continuing them here
#but.#even after all the time i had aparti still went back at 16#i traveled across the country just to see her again#and it fucking sucked#she ripped that wound right back open#which . felt so weird because she WANTED me to come#she made all the plans#honestly the train trip there was nice#i got to experience a lot of cool things#but the second i got there. it was . one of the worst times of my life#just nonstop#and now ive finally been away for awhile again#but i still miss her#& i dont know why#but it also doesnt help the only gf i have ever had did the same type of thing LMAO//.... i .. i just cannot win#maybe it's just my roll#say all these nice things n then immediately flip#she would make me hang out w her friends n talk me up n then. cheat on me with them with me there#& then get upset when i cried or tried to break up w her LMAO...#like. she wasnt poly or anything she was actually against it#but the worst part is how openly & loudly she'd love me right before it. so now i never know who is telling the truth. i never feel safe#but anyway. again. i stayed#over n over again id try to break up w her but then i loved her & so when she got upset n threaten to kms id flip n stay#n she'd do it again#until eventually she broke up w me n left me so fuckd up im not gonna lie JHVAJH#she still tried to stay friends after that n i tried#but then i started sobbing mid card game & it was very embarrassing top 10 worst things i have done#but i just. all i want is to be a good person. i want to be someone good & loving but i feel like im such a jealous monster#even if i dont let myself show it n try to ignore it bc i dont want to hurt anyone or be this awful it;s still here. just. permeating.#what if i feel too much what if ill never know when someone is genuine what if im just an evil obsessive freak n everyone i love hates me
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thinking about the time i was criticizing a male fantasy author for not including many female characters (and all but one were incredibly generic) and people were really like "be nice to the author, he's said he doesn't know many women in real life :/" like. yeah i can tell
#mine#delete later#cause im not trying to start shit#it was on tiktok so like all of that tracks lmao. i dont know if that's even true but if so. INSANE.#idk what made me think of this#but my dude if youre in your 40s thats not an excuse#tbh i feel like the book in question would have been completely forgettable and id just kind of roll my eyes and move on#if not for the fact that people whose taste i trust!!!!! recommended it!!!!#like what the fuck. the betrayal#like im still driving myself crazy thinking about it years later and trying to figure out what i'm missing#honestly could not say if the rest of the book was good bc imo the way the narration treated the female characters was too distracting#'this one is Mom. that's her whole personality.'#'this one is the hot older woman but she likes me anyway bc im the specialest smartest boy in school.#it's weird cause there's barely any women at this school anyway. she even tried to seduce me but im too in love with Main Love Interest'#'this one is the Main Love Interest and she's so pretty and sexy everyone wants to be with her. she has a tragic secret past#she wont tell me why but we cant be together and she also spends most of the book seducing other men. But I Know She Doesnt Mean It#i will learn her secret and wear her down so we can be together because we vibed pretty well a few years ago'#and then there's the cRaZy OnE#and that's it. those are the only female characters#apparently the last one has gotten her own book. maybe that's what people praise this guy for? but i am not willing to give it a chance lol#p****** r******* meet me in the pit
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why is no one talking about how horse ranch adds beer and wine brewing??????????????
#my homestead ass freaked out when i saw this#also the candle making!!!#i was sleeping on horse ranch#i only bought it for the build and cas items#bc i dont like horses and dont have sims who have horses besides my aot save#and i thought the sheep and goats were just npc uninteractable items#i didnt know they were FREERANGE PETS?#and theyre soooooooooo cute#honestly theyre my favorite part of the game at the moment#everytime my sim is outside theyre bouncing around and pawing at her legs and being silly and rolling over#they even follow her off the lot (with reason. they dont go off into the woods with you which is great)#and the world is so big too?#one of the bigger worlds we've gotten lately#people are SLEEPING on horse ranch.#sims 4#the cas is soooooo so cute too#it feels so nostalgic and familiar#people around me wear this stuff!!!!!!
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IF LORE UPDATES APPLIED TO PEOPLE I WOULDVE JUST GOTTEN ONE OF MY HAPPIEST LORE UPDATES TODAY
#FUCK YEAH WE GOT MY FIRST EVER MURAL LOOKING SICK AS SHIT SO FAR#TORTUGA AS BIG AS ME AND DETAILED ENOUGH THAT STRANGERS COMPLIMENTED IT MY BELOVED#HUGE SHOUTOUT TO THE GUY DRIVING BY THAT ROLLED DOWN THEIR WINDOW AND SHOUTED “dude that’s amazing!” AS THEY PASSED#CAME OUT AS TRANS TO MY AUNT THAT IM PAINTING THE MURAL FOR AND SHE IS NOW OFFICIALLY MY FIRST BLOOD RELATIVE TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF ME OUT TH#GATE#HER ONLY THINGS WERE THAT SHE WASNT GONNA BE PERFECT ABOUT MY PRONOUNS AND THAT SHE WISHED ID COME OUT TO HER SOONER SO I WOULDNT HAVE#GOTTEN ATTACHED TO A NAME THAT I DIDNT REALIZE WAS LINKED TO MY REALLY SHITTY BIO DAD AND WANTED TO COME UP WITH A GENDER NEUTRAL NICKNAME#FOR ME THAT WOULD WORK NO MATTER WHAT I IDENTIFY AS FROM HERE ON OUT AND WORKS AROUND PEOPLE IM NOT OUT TO#AND SHE GAVE ME A CHAMORRAN NICKNAME!!!! A SIDE OF MY HERITAGE THAT I DONT GET TO CONNECT TO A TON!!! SHES GONNA CALL ME TAKKA (WE MESSED#WITH THE SPELLING OF “TOCA” A BIT TO SOUND LIKE “TALK-A” SO WE CAN MAKE JOKES ABOUT HOW I TALK A LOT IT HAS BEEN SO FUCKING FUNNY SO FAR I#LOVE IT)#AND SHES GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO MAKE KELAGUEN (A CHAMORRAN DISH) SOMETIME#AND SHE GAVE ME AN OVERSIZED SHIRT THAT BASICALLY SAYS FUCK T-MOBILE#AND TOLD ME SHE LOVED ME NO MATTER WHAT AND TOLD ME THAT SHE LOVED HOW I PRIORITIZED KINDNESS ABOVE ALL ELSE AND I GOT TO TELL HER ABOUT HO#I THINK KINDNESS AND CRUELTY ARE TRAITS BEYOND GENDER AND SEXUALITY AND THAT I WANT TO BECOME THE ADULT I NEEDED AS A KID AND THAT I NEEDED#SOMEONE KIND THAT FREELY GAVE HUGS AND TOLD A LOT OF SILLY JOKES AND WAS FORGIVING WHEN IT COUNTED AND THAT WHEN I GROW OLD WHETHER IM AN#OLD MAN OR OLD WOMAN OR OLD SOMETHING ELSE I WANNA BE A GEEZER THAT LIVES ACROSS THE STREET THAT YOU CAN PLAY CARDS WITH ANYTIME AND#SAVES YOU CHOCOLATE BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU LIKE IT AND I WANNA BE THE TYPE OF KIND MAN LITTLE GIRLS GROW UP HOPING ARE REAL AND LABELS ARE#CLOTHES THAT SOMETIMES FIT A MONTH OR FIT FOREVER BUT WHAT MATTERS IS THAT THEYRE COMFY IN THE MOMENT AND THAT I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY AND I#LOVE PEOPLE FOR THEIR PERSONALITY AND IM WEIRD ABOUT KISSING BUT I HAVE MY PARTNERS BACK AND THAT MATTERS MORE TO US AND WERE HAPPY#AND I TOLD HER WHAT IM PLANNING ON MY NAME TO BE WHEN IM AN ADULT AND SHE LIKED MY IDEA FOR MY NEW SURNAME#AND WE SANG TO SONGS TOGETHER AND BITCHED ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND AND DID A LITTLE JIG IN THE STREET AND LAUGHED TOGETHER AND SHE WAS SO HAPPY#BECAUSE OF THE TURTLE IM PAINTING HER AND BECAUSE I TRUST HER AND IM SO HAPPY BECAUSE BOTH OF THOSE ARE WORKING OUT AND THIS EVENING WAS A#PERFECT SUMMER EVENING TO BE ALIVE. THIS MAY HAVE HAPPENED ON MY PERIOD BUT WHAT THE FUCK EVER THE GOOD OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. THERE IS BEAUTY#IN THE WORLD IF YOU KNOW WHERE TO LOOK. THERE IS BEAUTY IN BEING TRANS AND BEING SAFE WITH YOUR AUNT AND TALKING TO HER HONESTLY ABOUT YOUR#HOPES FOR THE FUTURE WITH YOUR BODY AND YOUR GENDER. THERE IS BEAUTY IN MAKING SILLY POSES WITH YOUR MURAL IN PROGRESS WITH YOUR AUNT AS TH#PHOTOGRAPHER. THERE IS BEAUTY IN LISTENING TO NOSTALGIC MUSIC WITH YOUR AUNT THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY MAKE FUN OF YOU FOR LIKING#THERE IS BEAUTY IN WEARING YOUR BANGS UP IN A STUPID PINEAPPLE PONYTAIL SO IT DOESNT FALL IN YOUR EYES AND WEARING CLOTHES YOU DONT CARE#ABOUT AND GRINNING AND LAUGHING AND SINGING MORE ENTHUSIASTICALLY AND GENUINELY THAN YOU HAVE IN A LONG TIME. THERE IS BEAUTY IN CLEANING#PAINT BRUSHES AND MEASURING CUPS IN HER KINDA BROKEN SINK AND MEOWING AT HER CAT AND THANKING HER FOR HELPING YOU CLEAN UP THE PAINTS SHE
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Sigh. It begins (being forced to see the worst aro hcs I've ever seen in my life because ppl have a talent for finding the absolute worst characters to be their token aro hc)
#rat rambles#hey pros of oni. no fandom to make shitty aro hcs#cause like you just know ppl would roll out their aro jackie fanart and Id have to delete my blog#and like normally with shitty aro hcs for things I like its not even that I don't share the hc just that I dont trust allo ppl#but jackie isnt even aro to me shes allo as fuck#I could dig some arospec olivia tho#Im also an enjoyer of aro joshua and aro otto#anyways time to block the wx tag but like for realsies Im not dealing with this shit#anyways happy pride months. Im going to spend most of it being the evil homophobic acearo that they warned you abt <3#I jest I will be trying to enjoy it on my own time I just hate fandom culture and ppl having shit takes#honestly be glad I don't touch sekai tags anymore or Id start posting some real unreadable shit#its so hard being an aromantic person who hcs mafuyu as aromantic and romance repulsed because they're just like me fr#because god damn would that be a red flag to me if it were anyone else's hc lol#oh also does a little dance kanade is unlabeled as hell and no one can convince me otherwise#anyways I should make some dst pride art but its abby and walter in their aromantic echo chamber arguing with everyone that love isn't real#like I've said before its me healing my inner child who had too much of an anxiety disorder to be the obnoxious aro kid I couldve been#I bet both of them are like a wall to argue with but in different ways#walter will do the age old strat of just stating his points over and over again like it makes them right#and abby will do the 'prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt or you're automatically wrong' approach#because theyre both lil bastard kids who drive ppl around them crazy when they feel like it#wendy is also a bit of a wall but more in the sense that he will just plain refuse to believe things that he doesnt want to believe#because his coping mechanism is trying to wallow in his misery in hopes that it'll start to hurt less if he expects the worst#and I think if you tried to correct his stupid emo quotes he'd get all pissy abt it since its not abt accuracy it's abt his shitty coping
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dealer!chris n innocent!bff!reader who eventually have sex ...
☆ . . . chris is so so sweet <3 gently coaxes you into believing that it's okay. that it wont ruin your guys' friendship at all, even though he knows once he hits he'll want to come right back. he'll be damned if he lets his best friend go fuck some other guy.
☆ . . . chris ends up taking your virginity when hes high. you were slightly tipsy from a few drinks, crawling all over his lap and giggling like some puppy. he couldn't exactly help the hard-on he got, y'know? hes a man. you couldnt blame him.
☆ . . . the two of you were just talking, truthfully. after chris had finally managed to get you to loosen up a little you were so smiley and squirmy, accidentally rubbing against his cock without even realizing. tipsy giggles left your lips every second he said something, his mind feeling all fuzzy and not quite there.
☆ . . . the topic of sex came up. chris isnt sure how, or why. "you've never been fucked?" "no..? s'that a problem?." "no, no.. jus', you're missin' out." chris is chuckling and staring at you like he wants to devour you, and you completely miss it. "m'parents always told me to wait until marriage" and he nearly starts cooing at you with how adorable you sound, tugging you closer as his hands cup your cheeks.
☆ . . . fast forward and he's lazily grinding up against you with his hands planted firmly on your hips to help you roll them against his clothed dick. "ohh, i know.. feels good? huh?" the prettiest little whines are sounding from your lips that have been bitten raw, eyes glancing down to where you repeatedly hump against your best friend. "chris..." his name sounds so good in that whiny tone, said in a low mewl as you grasp at his shoulders.
☆ . . . you dont know fully why you feel like this, all hot and eager for chris to continue helping you rut against him. then again, it isn't all sunshines and rainbows for him either. chris is fighting back the urge to bust in his pants, holding you close and letting your body move slowly on its own.
☆ . . . soon enough, he's breathing heavy as his cock strains against his jeans. staring at your nervous face as you tug your panties down and he has to stop himself from grabbing you and sitting you down on his dick until his tip hits your cervix. he knows it'll hurt. and chris just happens to be so kind to his best friend, he's letting you sit down in his lap with both of your legs thrown across his.
☆ . . . your head leans back, his chin resting on top of your head as he sinks his middle finger into your cunt. "fuck, oh.. look at you. s'cute, baby" "chris.." you just sound so pathetic to him, as he hushed you gently. his other hand is wrapped around your stomach, holding you close and keeping your thrashing to a minimum.
☆ . . . your gasp turns into a moan when chris eases another finger in, the squelching sound of your own cunt echoing in your ears—making heat spread up your neck to your face. it just feels so... weird. your hips twitched gently and yoh didn't miss the chuckle that sounded from your best friends mouth, his free hand sliding up gently to squeeze at your tits.
☆ . . . when you start shifting around more and your hand grabs at chris' wrist to try and slow the sensations down, he knows you're close. a soft hush comes from him as he continues with his ministrations, ignoring the way you whine and cry about how you feel weird. "jus' let it happen. s'not a bad thing, baby.. c'mon, cum for me. theere you go" the wave of pleasure that washes over you is almost heavenly, your body tensing then going slack a few seconds after, lips parted in heavy gasps of air.
☆ . . . you think you would be done honestly, until chris is tapping the side of your hip with two of his fingers. "up, c'mon. gotta help me now" and when you shakily lift yourself up from his lap, you hear the sound of a belt buckle and fabric being slid off skin. chris' hands are looping around your stomach gently to pull you back—ordering you gently to close your eyes. "trust me, i got you. you trust me, right?"
☆ . . . of course you trust chris.. which is why your eyes fall shut—letting the brunette pull you back and sink you down slowly onto his dick. except your eyes fly open the second his tip is nudging into your entrance, a shaky gasp falling from you as your hands grip at his wrists. "chris.. that—that hurts, y'know." except he ignores you, clicking his tongue in his mouth and slowly sinking you down further. maybe he should've stretched you out a little more, but god, he was so hard to the point it hurt.
☆ . . . once chris is fully sheathed inside you, he lets you adjust for as long as you need. he knows he's big, and he knows you've never had sex. you were gulping in big gasps of air like you were dying, even though it was fine... chris' hands rub comfortingly up and down your sides, rolling his eyes at how dramatic you were. "s'kay kid.. stop doin' that," "no, i feel full..."
☆ . . . when chris was finally able to move without you throwing a fit over how much it hurt or something, he's thrusting up gently and cursing under his breath. you've turned around just so you could hide your head in his shoulder if needed, and you do—burying your head into the crook of his neck and letting his hair tickle your skin.
☆ . . . chris isn't sure how long it's been but when you squeeze around him he knows you're cumming without you having to say it, and he almost busts his own load right then and there. biting down on his lower lip, he urges you off him when he's sure your orgasm had washed over you—shoving your shoulders down to get you on your knees between his legs.
☆ . . . chris knows you aren't on birth control or anything, so he opts for a quick lesson teaching you how to bob your head up and down his length until he cums over your pretty lil' face. surprisingly, for someone who's never sucked dick before, you were damn good at it. fitting whatever you could in your mouth and then wrapping your hands around whatever else was left, just like chris had told you.
☆ . . . he isn't the best at aftercare. you guys took a shower and he seemed so awkward, because normally the girl he just banged would be out the door in a few minutes. but you're his best friend, so he just pats the bed and you two watch a movie or something. cuddling always felt too intimate for him, never been one to initiate it or entertain it.
☆ . . . you don't complain much. sure, it would've been nice. well, it would've been really nice, but you were a little too scared to ask chris to hold you like you guys were dating. were you two dating now? probably not. you've never really seen chris with the same girl for more than three days straight, and he's told you a bunch how he hates labels. huh. so why is that pit of longing still stuck in your chest?
—
ur girl wrote this with a vicious nosebleed. i lowk need to write for matt more so some stuff for him is comin soon hopefully !!! after i finish all the reqs i got tho
@conspiracy-ash @sturniolosfavkayleigh @lvrsturniolo @st7rnioioss @meatballlover10 @ashlishes @ferdzom @55sturn @chriseatingmeoutin4k @unknvhx
©eph3merall 2024
#ᶻz eph3merall#ೀ dealer!chris#ೀ innocent!bff!reader#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo drabble#chris sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x reader#the sturniolo triplets#the sturniolos#sturniolo triplets#sturniolos#sturniolo smut
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secret - Chris Sturniolo
summary: chris wants to keep your relationship a secret from the fans, which means he is never around as much as he should be. this sparks an argument, where chris suggests that you 'should just leave.'
contains: angst, cocky!chris, crying, fluff, yelling, comforting.
----------------------≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫----------------———
i lay in chris and i's bed, wrapped up comfortably in the thick sheets.
my head snaps up to look at chris as he swings open the door, he walks inside the room wearing a white tanktop and some black sweatpants.
"just gonna go film." he says vaguely before walking out of the room,
"chris- can i come!?" i call out,
"y/n, no. we talked about this" chris sighs, i get up out of bed and walk towards him,
"please- i don't have to be in it, i just haven't seen you for like a week." i say softly, chris shakes his head, practically discarding me.
"i see you every week, ill be gone for about two hours okay?" chris says blankly,
i feel my face grow hot with embarrassment, i feel like im practically begging for chris to want me, even though im his girlfriend. anger courses through my body, pushing me to my breaking point.
"why- why do you not care about me- or anything i have to say!" i raise my voice, pointing my fingers at chris's chest as i glare my eyes.
"you don't scare me y/n." chris chuckles, bringing my finger down from his chest.
"proves my fucking point! right there--!" i yell, chris just stares at me with a smug smile on his face.
"we agreed to keep us a secret-" chris starts, but i cut him off
"we both agreed to keep us a secret from your fans, not everyone else you've ever known! yes- i get it your fans will be mad but you're- your'e-" my voice breaks as i turn away from him
"don't be acting all pissy because i have a job and you don't." he raises his voice at me,
"excuse you?" i almost laugh,
"yeah, get a grip y/n, honestly." chris sighs, grabbing his phone and going to walk out.
"don't fucking leave-" i shout, "you're a horrible person chris-" i say, holding back floods of tears.
"maybe you're just being a sensitive little bitch?" chris says, the regret is prominent on his face as soon as those words leave his mouth.
"you're being- so mean-" my voice breaks, tears rolling down my flushed face.
"then leave- i'm actually done with you're bullshit, please leave." chris raises his voice.
i look up at him, "actually-?" i say through loud sobs,
he hesitates for a second before speaking, "i- i dont know- if you can handle me being popular then leave-"
"your ego is incredible you asshole-" i squeeze out, walking past him.
he grabs my chin and stops me in my tracks, his large hand clasped tight around my small chin. "excuse me?" he looks down at me,
"i'm going to find nick." i sigh loudly,
"no you're not." chris states,
"i thought we were done?" i say with a loud cry, i wipe my tears away quickly.
suddenly matt peeks his head through the door, "everything okay in here?" matt asks with concern clear on his face
“fuck off matt, genuinely.” chris raises his voice,
“dude, you’re making her cry-“ matt points out, his eyes locking with mine.
“and it’s none of your business, fuck off!” chris yells shakily at matt,
matt walks into the room angrily, pushing chris’s shoulder. chris let’s go of my chin, discarding me.
“you want my girl now?” chris almost laughs as he approaches matt,
“she’s literally like my little sister and i’ve known her my whole life- so god forbid i ask if she’s okay after i hear you scream at her through the walls!” matt grows angry,
“y/n can’t understand that the fans can’t know about me and her, that’s literally it- she’s just being ignorant, like always.” chris speaks as though i’m not here,
“sort your shit out chris.” matt mutters, pushing chris backwards before walking out of the room.
“i- i think i’m gonna go to matt’s room.” i whisper, barely audible.
“yeah- go fuck him while you’re at it.” chris says with a petty tone,
i let out a frustrated sigh before pushing his shoulder back with an angry sob.
“pathetic.” chris scoffs, “do it harder-“ he taunts,
i storm out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me with a loud bang.
i swing open the door to matt’s room, he’s sat at the edge of his bed on his phone.
“matt-“ i sniffle, matt looks up at me before standing up,
“hey- hey you okay?” matt asks frantically, his voice soft.
“i think chris just broke up with me-“ my voice breaks, matt wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a hug.
“i’m sure he didn’t, he’s just upset right now, you think?” matt whispers into my hair,
i nod, “you can stay in my room tonight, i’ll get the spare mattress.” he suggests, i nod as tears continue to pour down my face.
“i hate him- ihatehimihatehimihatehim.” i sob, matt rubs my back,
“no you don’t, arguments are normal, it happens.” matt sighs.
“i do- hes so mean to me!” i bury my face into my hands.
“shh- sh it’s okay.” matt says, “are you in your pyjamas?” matt asks,
i nod, “okay- then let’s get out the mattress and you can get to sleep.” matt states.
he lets me go before tugging out the matress from under his bed, he throws a couple of blankets and pillows on it before handing me his pug stuffed animal,
“you want this for tonight?” matt asks with a small laugh, i grab the small pug stuffed animal before flopping down on the mattress on the floor.
matt’s always been like a big brother for me, he’s always cared about me so much.
matt bends down and covers me in the blankets, tucking me in. “try have a good sleep okay?” matt whispers, i nod with a small ‘thank you’.
————-
4:23am
i stir awake slowly, i sit up off the matress and look over at matt who’s fast asleep on the bed beside me.
i stand up before stumbling over to the door swiftly, the need to go to the bathroom is overwhelming.
i slowly creak open matt’s door and step out into the corridor.
my footsteps slap against the cold wood as i yawn loudly
i swing open the door to the bathroom, and i’m met with him.
chris.
he’s sitting on the edge of the bathtub, scrolling on his phone. i turn on the warm light which illuminates the small bathroom.
“oh-“ i whisper, spinning back around and reaching for the door handle.
“no- no please come back-“ chris’s voice wobbles.
he’s wearing spider-man pyjama shorts, the same ones that i teased him for a couple weeks ago.
he’s got a thin white shirt on and his brunette hair is messed up completely, his eyes are bloodshot and swollen along with his puffy lips and pink cheeks.
he stands up, looking down at me. i can see the gears in his brain physically spinning as he tries to think of what to say.
“i-i’m sorry i’m still here- i was gonna pack up in the morning.” i break the silence with a couple deep breaths.
chris’s face drops, he buries his face into his hands with a shake of his head.
“i- i didn’t mean that- i was just so caught up in the heat of the moment and i really- really- don’t want to loose you.” chris starts, his eyes watering
“and i’m so sorry for taking you for granted. i love you more than anything, i love you more than anything ever.” chris’s voice breaks loudly, he goes silent as his body jolts up and down.
“are you crying?” i ask softly, he nods.
i don’t say anything, just wrapping my arms around him, he hugs me back weakly.
he buries his head into my shoulder, his soft hair covers half my face.
“and- i’m sorry for crying i just- don’t want you to think i’m only crying for sympathy i just feel really upset.” chris clarifies, i laugh softly,
“i know sweetheart,” i sigh,
“and— and- you don’t have to forgive me- ever— i said proper mean stuff to you.” chris’s voice trembles,
“i forgive you, i just want my old chris back, yeah?” i rub his back,
“you will get that- forever-“ chris sniffs.
we stand in the cold of the bathroom, his arms holding me tightly now, as though he’s afraid to let me go.
i stroke his hair lightly with my manicured nails,
“chris- i don’t mean to ruin this moment but i really really need to pee- that’s why i came in here—“
-
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