#i honestly don't even know how to cw this because nothing is descript

[cnfrmdkll]

Okay time to talk about Jake’s dating history! going under a cut for length and potentially triggering things while discussing shitty doms and age gaps. 

As always, personals please do not reblog. 

This is applicable for almost all verses. The biggest divergent is the Married verse and the Admiral’s son verse, which I will explain below. 

Jake’s has had far more hook ups, one night stands and fuck buddies than he has had actual relationships. 

In high school. he had two boyfriends who only lasted a couple of months and one that last closer to six months (Bryan). That last relationship is the one that ended with Jake being outed (to the school, community and his parents) because they got caught going at it but one of his boyfriend’s friend. In an effort to save himself from being outed, he threw Jake under the bus and it made his life hell. No matter how progressive the town they lived in was, being thrust into the school spotlight as the gay kid in the mid 2000s was rough. (Jake had already slept with both of his previous boyfriends so he at least didn’t have the extra trauma of it being the first person he slept with who did that to him.)

Then came the grad student (Mason). While Jake did his best to recover from the hell that was the outing, he also found himself seeing (loosely) a guy he met after sneaking into a club. Jake was 18, Mason was 23. Jake was really just expecting a one night stand but they kept meeting up and after a few weeks was the first time that Mason took on a Dom role and really introduced Jake to the concept. While he wasn’t outright abusive to Jake, he absolutely was the type of Dom who got into it to have control over someone else, not because he understood that the Sub is the one who actually has control in the relationship. It lasted a few months before he finally broke it off. 

For the rest of high school and into the first year of college, Jake stuck strictly to hook ups, being very up front about wanting nothing more than mutual releases and it worked out well enough, though he did end up kicking several to the curb for a variety of reasons. 

Sophomore year of college, Jake meet Will, who he initially only wanted for a one night stand but they turned out to have class together so he actually got to know him. They stayed together for the rest of Jake’s time in college (so about 2 1/2 years) and broke up because Jake was going into the Naval Academy and Will was pursuing a civilian career. Over the course of their relationship, they started to incorporate do.m/su.b aspects into things and Jake got to learn what a good Dom was like and how Mason was a pile of red flags disguised as a person. 

At the Academy, Jake met Shane, who he slept with for about a year, simply because the sex was good. They didn’t necessarily get along and Jake really thought he was an asshole but he was good in bed and Jake wasn’t really looking for anything more anyway. 

After that, Jake didn’t maintain any actually relationships, keeping too busy with work to really put in the effort to make anything work. Which leaves him at his currently single state and lowkey wanting to settle down with someone. 

In the Married verse (ft Bradley)

Jake’s dating history stops after Mason. That relationship inadvertently leads to Jake and Bradley getting together a few months later. 

Jake pulling away from his best friends because of his relationship with Mason has both Javy and Bradley worried and them both voicing their concern about the relationship and the fact he hid it from them pulled Jake away from Mason shortly before winter break of Senior year. Once Jake and Bradley get together, they stay together throughout college and get married shortly before they start the Academy. (Technically, they aren't lying on their applications when they say they aren't married because at the time of their applications, they aren't yet married.) 

In the Admiral's Sons verse

Having an openly bisexual father meant Jake was also very open about being gay pretty much from the time he realized he was gay. In high school, he had a few boyfriends, one of whom attempted to be more controlling than anyone liked, leading Jake to break it off. For the most part, he kept things casual in high school, content to not find something serious.

The last few months of high school and into College, he dated Bryan for little over a year before he found out that Bryan was cheating on him by finding him making out with his side piece. In the resulting argument, Jake asked for time and headed back home to Beau's house, unaware of the fact he was being followed. Once they got to the Simpson house, the argument restarted with Jake even more upset by the fact Bryan refused to give him the space he asked for. Beau and Pete overheard the two arguing and intervened. Jake spent the weekend with his dad and sister, who Beau had alerted to what was going on, before heading back to campus, where he did everything he could to avoid Bryan.

After that break up, Jake started to close himself off and didn’t really maintain any relationships for very long. Summer between Sophomore and Junior year of College is when he had his relationship with Mason. It lasted for a few months before he realized how toxic the relationship was and broke it off. Javy and Jess weren’t told until after he broke it off. 

He did still have his relationship with Will but it was for a much shorter period of time (throughout Senior Year of College. They were both aware going in that Jake had every intention of pursuing a Naval career so they knew their time was limited). From there, the rest of his relationship history followed as listed above.

[hoshigray]

I WANT TOJI TO GUIDE ME (like literally almost teach me) HOW TO GIVE HIM HEAD PLZZZZ

Ohhhh, I don't know how tf I'm gonna write this, but here we go!! Hope I did alright on this one hehehe~ *sweats nervously*

Cw: Toji x fem!reader - oral (m! receiving) - it starts off cute but gets dirty, so minors DNI - reader admiring Toji's dick lol - face+throat-fucking (Toji goes at a reasonable pace) - pet names (angel, baby, cutie, sweetie, mama) - heavily detailed descriptions of a blowjob - praise - Toji laughing at you asking him to help bc what are boyfriends for, but you get a laugh out of it too - some humor. Wc: 2.8k

"You okay, kid?"

"Hmm?"

"You look lost in thought about somethin'."

"I do?" He lifts a brow and nods at you. "Oh, it's nothing, Toji, honest." The man looks at you for a few seconds as if he doesn't believe your answer, yet he goes back to watching the television, and the big hand on your shoulder brings you closer to him.

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon, and you and Toji are watching your favorite sitcom on the couch in your living room. But the show wasn't capturing your attention like it usually does. Instead, your mind wandered to other matters. Other...explicit matters.

How explicit? The two of you have been together for a long while now, and you can honestly say things have been going great. For him to be your first serious relationship — plus him being older and more mature than you — it's nice to know that things have been going way smoother than you'd thought in the beginning.

Although things may seem fine, something has been clouding your head recently. This is where explicit matters come into the conversation.

Through all this time together, it just occurred to you that you haven't given Toji head. Scratch that: you've NEVER given a blowjob, period.

It's always been the other way around. Not that you're complaining, because your boyfriend seems to enjoy eating you out. And he's actually good at it! Like, really good at it. Just reminiscing all the moments he's had you turn into jelly with just his scarred lips and relentless tongue is enough to make you go dizzy.

It's a pleasure how attentive he is to you during sex. And you appreciate that he cares for you in that regard...yet you can't help but feel like you're not a good partner in bed with your lack of reciprocity.

And it's not like you don't want to give him head. Because trust, you would've done so already! The real problem is that...you don't know how.

You've watched videos and read articles on how to do it, even practicing on a banana (per your friend's advice). Nevertheless, whenever you wish to initiate; or the opportunity arises, you just freeze on the spot and force yourself to forget about it. It's as if researching and amping yourself up is way easier than the execution.

Though, you can't just let your man be the only person doing the work — sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both parties, damn it! And you're gonna push yourself to have his dick in your mouth one way or the fucking other! But......where the hell do I start!!??

You release a defeated sigh, bringing your hand up to massage your forehead from the endless banter in your brain. And Toji watches you from his peripheral, his brows drawing downward at your display of frustration. "Alright," his gruff voice snaps you back to him as he lowers the TV volume. "What's goin' on in your lil' head, baby?"

You blink at his question. "Hmm? What do you—"

"Aht aht, don't do that with me." His jade eyes harden, and you hold back from finishing whatever you were going to say. "Somethin's wrong, so tell me. I'm over here watchin' this stupid show that you dragged me on to, and you're not even paying attention."

"Hey! It is not stupid," you counterargue, and use his comment to dissuade him from the topic. "You were very invested last week when my favorite character punched the guy she likes for stabbing her in the back! So who are you to—"

"Y/n." It didn't work. Your name was thrown at you with such seriousness that there was no use in trying to distract him. "Tell me what's goin' on. If somethin' is bothering you, don't be scared to come to me about it." He says it sternly, yet he's still gentle with his delivery.

"Toji..." You can only call him by name before he leans forward to kiss your forehead, and it almost melts all your worries away.

"Tell me."

The two of you look at each other for mere seconds, you searching for any sign of uncertainty before confessing your thoughts to him. You sigh once more and lean onto Toji, his hand rubbing on your shoulder — a silent gesture of him giving you all the time you need before confiding with him.

You told him, "Don't laugh, okay?"

He scoffs. "Can't make promises I can't keep, kid." His smile manifests when you shake your head at his shenanigans. "I won't laugh, angel."

When he uses the pet name on you, it seals the deal. It's now or never.

"I was just thinking that...I might need your help with something."

A brow is lifted. "With what?"

"Umm, it's..." Your fingers find each other to fiddle with to keep you busy from the awkward tension. "It's for......y-you know—"

"I don't know."

"I-ahem-I want," you can only gulp to ease the uncomfortable bob in your throat. ".........Iwannagiveyouablowjob."

No words. No movements. Nothing. Only the noise from the TV gives a sense of life to the silence following your confession. Even the big hand on your shoulder chose to remain completely still. And you can feel the slight quiver of your lips start to come to fruition.

Nothing happens until you feel a jolt on the shoulder you're resting on. Your face blooms hot, and your lips can't fight the uncomfortable twinge. Oh, this motherfucker is about to laugh.

"Is...Is that—ahem," A tiny gust of wind exits through his nostrils, trying to extinguish the beginning of a chortle. "Is that what was botherin' you this entire time?"

Now your ears get hot, and all you can think about is how you'll dig a nice big hole for yourself to crawl in later. God, why me??!

"W-Well, I mean, I notice how you're always doing it on me," another jolt from the older man. "And...I just feel like I'm not doing my part." He lifts his hand from your shoulder and rests it on his face. Fits of chuckles silently enter the air. "But I don't know how to....do that kinda stuff. So, I was just wondering—" He starts smacking his thigh, and with the twitch of your eyebrow, you've had enough. "Toji, I swear to Christ, if you don't fucking stop—"

And with that, the floodgates opened. The laughs he was doing a terrible job suppressing wheezed out, his hand covering his eyes while the shit-eating grin was present with laughter seeping out his system. You cover your face with your hands, shielding away from the embarrassment and not letting him hear giggles of your own.

"Oh shit, c'mere ya damn cutie." Toji pulls you in with both arms, caging you so he can place a kiss on your temple. "Pfft, kid, I'm not laughing at you. But goddamn, you looked so fuckin' stressed fr' no reason."

"But it is a reason!" You chuckle under your hands, only prompting your boyfriend to laugh harder. Once he calms down, you explain yourself further. "Toji, I'm serious. We've been together for this long, and it's always been me getting eaten out. I just think it's unfair that I get to feel good and you don't, ya know?"

He snickers. "I'm always feelin' good when I fuck the shit out of you."

"You KNOW that's not the same thing!!" Toji barks a laugh from you yelling at him, and you can't take this anymore. Removing yourself from him, you get up from the couch before you sink further into the internal pool of regret. "Just forget it. This conversation never happened...I'll just go to sleep." And hopefully, die of suffocation from my pillow.

However, before you could step toward your bedroom, Toji quickly caught your wrist. You reluctantly turn to see him looking at you with a playful smirk and soft hooded emerald eyes. "Not so fast there, sweetie." His hand slides down to fully grasp your hand, engulfing it with his size. "Ya know, you're a real cutie when worryin' about me. But don't go thinking you're not making me feel good, because you do with what you got. I woulda found someone else if you didn't." You briefly glare at him, though you know he has a point.

"Yeah, I know. But I want to do more. You always take good care of me, so...I wanna do the same for you." And Toji knows you're serious about this. It doesn't matter if you can't look directly at him because of your bashfulness; your words are sincere. God, you looked so cute it drove him crazy.

He sighs quietly with a smirk, his thumb making circles on the back of your palm. "Well, if you're really sure about putting y'r mouth on my dick," and before you could fully process his words, the older man spreads his legs for your eyes to observe. And the first thing that corrupts your vision is the outline of his erect cock, the tent prominent through his dark sweatpants. "Looks like ya got yourself a lesson. Up for it?"

You gawk at his erection for three extra seconds before you look at your boyfriend and give him a nod for confirmation. Seems like your plans of suffocation and dying in a hole have been postponed to another day.

Toji grins hard, his teeth peeking through under his scar, and then he points to the floor with his chin. As instructed, you kneel between his legs.

He pulls down the waistband of his sweatpants, freeing his cock from the clothed prison for you. And you're in awe with the sight before you. Of course, you've known his girth to be immense. You've had the damn thing inside you, for God's sake. But now, seeing his length so close, it's hard to believe you had him before. You can take note of every dent and vein of his shaft, how they structure all the way down to the base, and the pinkish-red color of the tip. It all overwhelms you and makes you second-guess what you're about to do...and the throbbing sensation down south flourishes.

"Like what ya see down there, angel?" The heat on your face worsens when you glance up and see Toji sneering down at you, and a hand comes down to massage your cheeks. "Try lickin' it first."

You gulp before following his suggestion, opening your mouth for your tongue to flick on the frenulum of his cock. You can hear him moan from the action, so you proceed and lap around the head of his cock until you feel adventurous enough to take his glans in your mouth. Toji groans from the wet walls of your mouth, and your teeth brushing against his glans makes his body jerk. "Hmmm, be careful with y'r teeth, baby. Relax that jaw and puff those cheeks a bit fr' me."

His comments are taken wholeheartedly, making sure everything goes right for him. Your cheeks go hollow for you to suck his cockhead and take in a few more of his length, his hums of pleasure egging you on. It goes well until the tip hits your uvula, resulting in your gag reflex. And Toji is quick to gently pull you from him, your saliva coating his dick.

"Woah there, sweetie. Don't forget to breathe." He coaxes while you cough. Your eyes start to water as you gasp for air to even your breathing. "We can stop now, don't want you chokin' on— Aisssh!!."

He's unable to finish his sentence when your hand strokes his cock, paired with kisses to the underside of his shaft. "No, I can keep going." You look at him with half-lidded eyes, having the man twinge his lips upward.

"Alright, then we're gonna go slow, okay? No rush." He aligns his cock to your lips, waiting for re-entry. "I'll push, and you breathe."

You give him a nod to signal you're ready, and your mouth agape to take in his returning limb. Toji brings your head in while you remind yourself to breathe, but your body jolts when you feel the tip come almost close to your uvula again. "Relax, mama, relax. Keep taking deep breaths fr' me." He coos at you, and you do as he says. Breathe in, breathe out. Once you slowly move, Toji aids you by gently pushing the back of your head toward him. And a wave of astonishment and relief hits you when you manage to have his dick hit the back of your throat.

"There ya go, cutie." He smirks at you, aware of your tiny display of giddiness. "Now, try goin' at your own pace."

With a few bobs up and down, slowly but surely, you get used to having Toji's cock in your oral cavity, going at your own tempo and enjoying yourself with this. Your movements are filled with confidence, and you whimper every time you try to go as far as you can but not too crazy.

And Toji loves every second of it. Your moans vibrate the walls around his cock, and it turns him on even more when he peers down to see you suck on him so deliciously. Spit covers your lips the more you take him in your mouth, and he groans when he feels your hands stroking him and kneading his balls (something you've learned to do from the articles you've read). "So good...Hmmph! So fucking good..." It's been a long time since Toji's been given a blowjob, and it feels so good to have you — his sweet thing — do it for him.

But then a thought pops into his mind, and the pleasure in his body churns into a different path of want and need. "Sweetie." Your eyes flutter up at him when he calls you, stopping midway through. "Wanna go a lil' further than this?" It takes a moment for you to register, but you give a curt nod with a hum on his dick, which he can only assume is a "yes."

"I'm gonna stand up, okay? So keep taking deep breaths and follow my lead." You don't answer, only gaze at him as you mentally prepare yourself. Toji rests a hand at the rear of your head as he gets up from the couch, keeping you still on his cock in hopes you don't choke. Now he's standing upright, and his sweatpants slide down to his sturdy thighs. He places both his hands on each side of your head. "I'm gonna start moving slowly, 'kay baby?"

And so he does, unhurriedly pushing his shaft into you, and your hands find purchase on his thighs as he does so. His dick that once stopped at the back of your throat eventually finds its way deeper within, and you're senses are clouded with his smell when your nose and mouth meet his pelvis. It all feels so overwhelming that tears start to form.

Toji lets you adjust to all of him for a while, grinding his hips on your lips to fully accommodate his whole girth, prompting more muffled mewls from you. He ruts his hips at your face when he notes your steady breathing. Gradually, every inch of his cock sinks into your mouth. Your head starts to pound as you enter a haze.

The pace of his thrusts eventually goes faster and faster by the minute, and the tears finally come down with every jab to your throat. Saliva runs down your chin with the smack of his balls, the head bullying your insides with the erratic rhythm. Your nails form scratch marks on his thighs from all the stimulation you're going through, but you'd be lying to yourself if you said you didn't feel so fucking good. Having your boyfriend's pelvis smack on your face on par with the sounds of you sucking him off felt like fire to your eardrums. So hot but so electrifying the more you indulge yourself.

As for the older man fucking the hell out of your face? Oh, how he missed this. It's been so long since he stuck his dick on such a pretty mouth. And your throat's tight, velvety walls have him rutting for more. He knew this would make his thirst return, and now he was sure an addiction would form from this. But right now, he can feel the surge of his orgasm arise, and his brows crease with a guttural groan as he thrusts into your face with harsh motions.

"Shit, ahhhhh shit, shit," It's so close, almost there. "Gonna cum, mama, gonna—Mmmm! Haaah, oh fuck, oh fuckin' Christ!" Through his moans of pleasure, Toji releases his load down your throat. And you're in no other position than to just take it, whimpering blissfully onto his length as he gives you a few more ruts to your face.

When he's done experiencing his ecstatic high, the older man withdraws himself from you. Your throat and mouth become empty except for his essence that you swallow. Strands of spit and come connect your wet face to him for a crude yet intimate moment before they break out.

He pulls up his sweatpants and drops down to wipe your pretty face with his hand. "So? Was I a good teacher?"

[theamberfist]

Like Father, Like Child | Part 4 | Alastor x Exorcist! Reader

Familial! Alastor + Exorcist! Adopted Child! Reader

Description: When an angry mob comes knocking at the hotel's door, Alastor is more than prepared to defend his kid. And, as it turns out, so is said kid.

(Notes: CW Alastor, mentions of murder, fallen angels) (gender neutral reader) (reader is Alastor's adopted child from when they were alive) (Final part of Like Father, Like Child)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

You blinked, letting what you'd just witnessed on TV sink in. Not only did all of hell know you, an exorcist, was here now, but it seemed an entire angry mob had gathered under the command of that TV-headed demon to come and kill you. Amazing.

"...Maybe they'll lose interest before they get here?" Angel Dust said, reminding you that he was still there sitting beside you. On your other side, Vaggie didn't seem to think that outcome was very likely with the worried expression on her face. 

"I'll go warn Charlie." She decided finally, getting up from the couch and leaving the room before you could even say anything else.

"Angel," you spoke, turning to the spider-like demon with a serious tone now, "Tell me honestly; how bad is it?" You weren't familiar with the sinners in hell so you really weren't sure how brutal they could be about things like this yet. Would they really kill you just because they'd found out you were a fallen exorcist? 

There was a bang at the door, followed up by a series muffled shouts. You winced at the sound, realizing your time was likely up now and that the mob had arrived. "On a scale of one to ten?" Angel asked and you nodded, turning back to him eagerly as you hoped he'd reassure you, "an eleven." So much for reassurance. 

"I'm so dead," You groaned, pulling your knees up and burying your face in them. You didn't have much time to dwell on your fast-approaching demise, though, because another familiar voice spoke behind you. 

"Nonsense, darling!" It was Alastor, and the second you heard him you snapped up, looking over at the deer-like overlord. "If that pathetic mob of sinners think they can break into this hotel and harm one of its guests, they clearly need to be taught a lesson." he didn't add the unspoken fact that that resident was also his kid, but he didn't need to; you knew it was the main reason he seemed so upset.

"Since when have you cared about any of us?" Angel asked in confusion, pointing to you, "They just got here, like, ten minutes ago!"

"All the more reason to ensure they're left alone!" Your dad replied as he straightened his bow-tie and then began heading for the front door. 

"W-wait, what are you going to do?" You asked, calling after him. He paused for just a brief moment, glancing your way with the sinister smile you'd come to expect from him now. 

"Nothing they won't have deserved." And with that, he seemed to blink right out of sight and the sounds of screaming outside became louder. Only, now, they weren't screams demanding you to come out; they were screams of pain as the sinners begged him to stop whatever he was doing. 

Your jaw dropped as you stayed frozen on the couch. You weren't sure what to do. Angel seemed to notice your concern because he just waved the situation off. 

"Eh, don't worry, toots." He told you, turning back to the TV, which was playing his favorite show again. "I know you're an angel and all, but smiles has killed plenty of people so this is nothing new. Trust me, it ain't your problem." He had expected you to give up and turn back to the TV too, but instead, you stood from the couch and headed for the nearest set of stairs, determined to see just what your dad was doing with the screaming sinners outside. 

"Hey, where ya going?" Angel called, "You'll miss the finale!"

"Record it for me!" You called before running up the stairs as fast as you could. Angel sighed but shrugged as he hit the record button and then continued watching his show. 

Meanwhile, you finally made it as high-up as the stairs would allow, reaching a balcony somewhere on the second floor. There, you looked out at the carnage your dad was currently causing. He'd grown a lot bigger than he was inside the hotel before and black tentacles extended from his body, grabbing various sinners and tossing them into his mouth to eat. The sight was more than a little terrifying, but at the same time, you wanted to follow after him.

Even if your dad was a know killer, and even if you were supposed to have been an angel, something inside you didn't want to make him do this alone. You wanted to help; especially since you knew he was out there killing people for your sake. 

But as a former angel, shouldn't you have known better than to fall to your own murderous urges? You'd been dealing with them all your life and afterlife so you couldn't give in now. 

"Fallen angel?" A voice to your right spoke suddenly and you practically jumped out of your skin, turning to see...Lucifer? It was undoubtedly the king of hell; sitting and drinking tea out of what looked like a duck-themed cup as he gazed at Alastor's actions. Remembering the story of what happened to him, you couldn't help but relate a bit as you finally relaxed and then nodded.

"...Yeah." You turned to look back at your dad, who had now grabbed a huge group of sinners and was biting their heads off like it was candy. Your face scrunched in disgust at the sight but Lucifer seemed either unbothered by it or too bothered to be bothered anymore. "And I'm assuming you know him?" He asked, pointing to your dad. You nodded awkwardly. 

"Yeah...We're related," You admitted reluctantly. You weren't sure why Alastor had been hesitant to tell everyone about you being his kid, but maybe it was to avoid a situation like the one you were in right now. 

"Yeesh," Lucifer replied as he took another sip of his tea, "That's gotta be rough. No wonder you feel from heaven too."  You paused at that; surprised by how he wasn't even questioning you.

"What am I...Supposed to do now?" You asked after a second. Lucifer froze, glancing back at you in surprise. 

"You're asking me?"

"I guess." You admitted with a shrug, "You fell once too, didn't you?" After a moment he nodded, setting his cup down on the table. 

"Whatever you want, I suppose." He told you, "I always wanted human souls to have free will, which is how we ended up in this shithole in the first place." He stood, leaning against the balcony as the sounds of more screams filled the air from the Radio Demon's actions, "You can try to get back into heaven or just...Exist." He seemed pretty deflated as he leaned half his body over the railing now; practically falling off.

Still, you considered his words. Do whatever you wanted, huh? 

You'd tried to avoid killing, no matter how much you wanted to, for your entire life. Now, you were dead and you'd already killed countless sinners for the 'greater good,' and permanently, at that. You'd ended up in hell already, so it wasn't like anything mattered anymore.

So what did you want to do? 

You paused, contemplating the question for a moment before finally coming to a decision. You turned back to the king of hell with a bright smile once your mind was made up. "Thanks, Lucifer." His expression seemed to soften at that and a smile even made its way onto his face.

"No problem," he told you genuinely, "I'm always happy to help a young sinner and-" He cut himself off when you turned and jumped right off the hotel balcony into the bloodshed. From there, you seemed to instinctively figure out whatever powers you might have had, either from being an angel or being fallen, and began assisting Alastor in killing off the crowd of demons around the building. "-enable their murderous behavior..." Lucifer finished his sentence with a regretful sigh. Why did he even bother with these sinners again?

Meanwhile, you felt more exhilarated than you'd been since before you died. It turned out you had some sort of light-related power. You could shoot small beams of white light from your hands, blasting holes right through sinners like a laser. It probably wouldn't kill them permanently, but the memory and pain would be enough to stop them from ever coming after you again.

Being down there and fighting sinners was one of the most natural moments you'd experienced in a while. You supposed it came from being the child of a literal overlord, but it couldn't have been more fun. Alastor seemed to notice your presence on the impromptu battlefield now too because one of his tentacles gently reached down, picked you up, and then placed you on his giant shoulder. 

"It seems the power of a former exorcist is quite useful, isn't it, darling?" He asked before throwing another five sinners into his mouth. 

"Sure is!" You replied with a smile that rivaled even your dad's, "I can see why you became an overlord now; this is the best!" Alastor's own grin only widened at that; pride swelling in his chest. Most of the sinners were gone now thanks to both his power and your angelic laser beams, but there was one still nearby that caught his attention. 

Vox attempted to scramble away but wasn't fast enough; being plucked from the ground by Alastor's hand. He hadn't even needed a tentacle to grab the TV demon and now he simply held him by the back of his shirt for the both of you to see. 

"Now, this is who brought this crowd here today." He informed you, even though you already knew. Alastor glanced at you, still on his shoulder. "Would you care to do the honors?" 

You brightened at that, immediately nodding. "I'd love to!" Alastor cackled, turning back to the terrified Vox.

"Let it be known," he said, "That this is what happens when you mess with the Radio Demon or his child!" Alastor was more than aware of the fact that there were likely cameras on you three right now, figuring what better way to announce his relation to you? With that out of the way, you shot a laser beam at Vox, melting through his body and then his head, ensuring it would be a long time before he finally regenerated. 

Once you were done, Alastor turned and chucked Vox's temporarily-dead body across the entirety of Pentagram City; you weren't even sure where it ended up landing. 

Your dad began to shrink back to his normal size now, gently placing you on the ground nearby to ensure you didn't get hurt. Once he was back to normal, he turned to you with the widest smile. 

"Very well done, my dear!" He exclaimed with nothing but pride, "I didn't think you had it in you, but it seems we'll make a hellish overlord out of you yet!" You laughed as his hand gently ruffled your hair, feeling all the anger and grief you'd once held towards him melt away. It seemed embracing your murderous tendencies really had done wonders for your emotional state. 

"Thanks, dad." You replied, hugging the deer-like demon for the first time in many years. His smile somehow widened even more as he pulled you closer, ignoring the surprised looks of the hotel guests, who'd come out now to see if the fight was over. 

"Dad?!" Angel repeated in shock. Meanwhile, Charlie and Vaggie were too stunned to speak. Cherry seemed to not know what to think of it, Nifty was beyond touched by the scene, and Husk couldn't even be surprised by any of Alastor's actions anymore. 

"Would you call this...A reverse redemption?" Lucifer asked, leaning over to his own daughter and feeling slightly responsible for the horror he'd just released upon hell through you. She didn't reply but you and Alastor both turned back to the hotel now, heading over to the group as if this was the most casual situation.

"Now, how about I make some jambalaya?" Alastor suggested as your eyes immediately lit up. 

"That was my favorite when I was alive!"

"It sure was!" Alastor agreed, tapping your head with his radio-cane as you smiled. As you walked past the rest of the hotel guests, they all remained frozen in shock. 

"Is this ever not gonna be weird?" Angel asked no one in particular. He hadn't expected to receive a response, but then you called from inside.

"Probably not!" After that, all that followed was the sound of yours and your father's combined laughter.

Like father, like child. 

……….

Tags for those who requested: @avitute @deadgirldreaming

[itsawhumpsideblog]

The Safehouse, pt. 10

CW: for institutionalized slavery, mentions of abuse, treatment of people as things, description of injuries

Advice from the Box Boy Liberation Movement:

Explaining to rescuees that they have been rescued is often a more complicated task than you might expect. Some rescuees quickly grasp that they are no longer held under the control of another person and are excited to begin the work of "taking ownership" of themselves. Others struggle to understand what freedom means for them. They may be ambivalent about the changes this signals and, because of the brainwashing inherent in their training, may not know how to exert control over their circumstances. They may even interpret "free" to mean that they are no longer wanted, have failed in their assigned roles, or are personally worthless. Reassure them and continue to provide a high degree of structure for these rescuees.

That first night, Tim slept lightly in the chair next to Francis. He was used to this from nights on call at the hospital and got as much rest as he ever had there, which was to say, just a sufficiency. He had assured Angie that he could take care of things and, once he added a promise to wake her if she was needed, she went back to her room.

After the bath and medicine had brought his fever back to a manageable temperature, Francis slept deeply, almost desperately, through the rest of the night. With Francis asleep, Mikey's anxiety ebbed slightly away and he, too, was at last able to close his eyes without jerking awake to ensure that Francis was still in bed and breathing.

The next morning, Tim woke and stretched and looked around the bright little room. Mikey was propped up on the pillows, twitching and frowning in his sleep, but Francis was lying very still and composed beneath the comforter that Tim had drawn over him the night before. His chest rose and fell very slightly as he breathed and there was an unhealthy flush over his cheekbones, but he otherwise looked almost as if he had been posed there and instructed not to move.

Thinking of the training and abuse that must have gone into instilling this amount of self-control in Francis, even when he was clearly in pain, made Tim's heart ache. He didn't realize that he was staring until Francis' eyes slowly slid open and he gave a confused look around the room, his gaze pausing on Mikey and then on Tim. He looked like he had questions, but said nothing.

"Good morning," Tim said quietly, just to break the silence. He reached over and put a hand on Francis' head; his heart gave another pang when Francis closed his eyes for just a moment before opening them again and lying rigid, as if at attention, until Tim shifted in his chair.

"Do you think you can drink some water?" Tim asked.

"Yes, Master." Francis spoke in a dry, weak voice and then cleared his throat. Tim slid a hand under his head and lifted it to help him drink, then settled him back on the pillow and put the cup down.

"Open your mouth, please?" Tim asked. Francis did so, automatically and obediently, and Tim slid the thermometer under his tongue. The two of them waited quietly for the result and Tim said, "Better than last night. Not great, but better." He could practically feel Francis watching him, as if he was waiting for an emotion to reflect back. "I think you'd better stay in bed today, or on the couch if you want some company. Honestly, given..." he waved vaguely, "all of this, you're probably going to be laid up for a while. But don't worry, we'll take good care of you." He smiled and received a wan, eager-to-please smile in return.

"Good morning, you two," Angie's voice said from the doorway, and at her voice, Mikey yawned, tried instinctively to stretch, and woke up with a silent cry of pain that showed on his face, although he still had not made a sound.

"Whoa, careful there!" Angie hurried over to put a hand on his upper back and brace his arm as he sat up. His face twisted in pain at the movement, but he gritted his teeth through it and was soon upright. Angie sat down next to him and patted his back as he took deep breaths, evidently waiting for the pain to subside.

"How's it going this morning, Francis?" she asked.

"This Pet is in working condition, Mistress." Tim's gut twisted at the words. Francis' voice was dry and quiet and every word clearly represented effort. Francis was by no means "in working condition". Tim laid a hand on Francis' forehead and stroked his bangs back, hoping the gesture was as comforting as he meant it to be.

"Working condition or not," he said, trying to sound relaxed, "I think he's got some recovery still ahead of him. Your fever's down," he added, trying to make a point to speak directly to Francis, "but we'll need to make sure you take your medicine on time so it stays that way."

"Yes, Master." It seemed to cost him a great effort to speak.

"And at some point, maybe this afternoon, we'll put more antibiotic cream on and change your bandages. But I think that'll be all the excitement you need for today! And anyway, Angie and I will worry about the schedule, so you just try to relax and we'll take good care of you."

Across the room, Angie had stood and opened the top drawer of the dresser, fully stocked with clothes in a variety of sizes so that new rescuees would have something to wear until the safehouse staff was able to get their sizes and begin helping them put together a wardrobe.

"Mikey," Angie said, "Would you like to get dressed for the day? I'll help you and then maybe we can go downstairs." He nodded, as she had expected he would, but he did not stand up.

"How does this look?" she asked, pulling out a blue t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. "It should be comfortable, but do you like it? I think these are probably your size, but we can try something else, if not."

Mikey still hadn't moved and now he was staring in her direction, although Angie noticed that his eyes didn't actually rest on her face. She pulled out another shirt. "Or would you like this one? Either is fine- you're allowed to want things, here. And have opinions."

Still the rescuee did not move. He was holding himself very still and very tense and suddenly he tore his gaze away from her and locked eyes desperately with Francis. Come to think of it, Angie realized that Francis looked nervous as well. Her stomach sank and she tried to remember what their training materials had said.

According to the training, they were supposed to give their rescuees choices- small ones- as soon and as often as possible, although they didn't need to make choosing a power struggle. If rescuees didn't want to choose, it was okay not to make them, but it was best to continue presenting them with choices to help them learn about the concept.

"This Pet- that Pet- wants you to know that he will wear whatever you like, Mistress," Francis said. "He has been trained properly and he will do as he is told. As we both will, Mistress." Mikey nodded, a little frantically, as if begging her to believe him. His eyes were wide and his face taut with worry.

Now it was Angie's turn to exchange a look with Tim. She set the clothes back down and nodded in the direction of the door. Ignoring for the moment the nervous looks that Francis and Mikey were wearing, they stepped outside the room to confer.

"I think we ought to tell them," Angie said. Tim bit his lip and looked conflicted.

"I don't disagree, but... I guess I was hoping to wait until Francis was stronger, you know? Apparently it can be quite a shock. I don't want to, like, set them back or hurt them or anything."

"I know. If they were in better shape, it would be easier, at least I think it would, but-"

"Yeah."

"We're scaring them, though," Angie pointed out and Tim nodded. She had a definite point there. "They know we're weird- I mean by their standards- and they don't understand why we're not what they were expecting. And it's like they kept saying in training- Francis and Mikey obviously come from places where the- the owners or whatever we're calling them were really strict, but to them that also means they knew what the boundaries were and what they were supposed to do, literally all the time. And we keep asking them to, like, sit on the furniture and rest while they can see us working, and it's freaking them out."

"Yeah," Tim said again. He sighed. "I don't want to freak them out by dropping all this information on them right away while they're still settling in, but maybe we're making it worse? Because it seems like they think they have to guess, or that we're testing them. And we're not, but we can't even tell them that and expect them to believe it because they have no background for what's actually going on here."

"I think we're talking ourselves into doing it," Angie said. She looked back to the room where, as far as she could tell, neither of the Pets had moved a muscle.

"Let's get this over with," Tim said. He looked very nervous all of a sudden and Angie gave him a tight smile and patted his shoulder as they headed back into the room.

Two pairs of eyes followed them from the minute they entered the doorway as Tim took his place in the chair beside Francis and Angie sat down on the foot of Mikey's bed.

"Everything's okay," Tim said, looking from one of them to the other and trying to seem relaxed. "There's nothing wrong. But we wanted to talk to the two of you and sort of- explain why-"

"Why everything here is a little weird," Angie put in. "Obviously, Tim and I are... kind of different. And there's a reason for that."

Francis was having a hard time wrapping his mind around what Master and Mistress were saying. Obviously they were unusual, he had noticed that, but he had assumed they were simply very casual Pet owners who wanted some cute or handsome companionship and didn't care if he and Mikey could perform tasks. It was uncommon but not unheard of.

But now, if he understood them correctly, they were saying that they were not, in fact, his Master and Mistress- or Mikey's, either. They were saying that he was not owned by anybody now. This made no sense until Mistress phrased it differently- "You own yourselves," she had said.

Francis stared straight up at the bottom of the upper bunk, his head whirling with shock, never mind the fever. He turned the phrase over and over in his mind. What would it be like to own himself? Could he give himself permission to sit on the couch? Would he be able to... Francis searched his memory frantically for a list of things people could do that he had not been allowed.

Eat just because he was hungry.

Wear clothing that was warm enough, no matter how it looked.

Cut his hair.

Speak without permission.

Sleep until he woke up naturally.

As Francis thought about it, a sense of sudden, thrilling possibility washed over him and he found that his hands were shaking. Then he realized that he was smiling.

Across the room, Mikey sat very still on the bed. He, too, heard the words as if they were bouncing around the inside of his head. Mistress said she didn't own him. He wasn't her Guard Dog, wasn't her Pet, wasn't hers at all.

They didn't want him. This seemed almost impossible and completely at odds with their behavior. After all, they had given him food and took care of his arm and... they had even given him a name! And now he was not wanted.

Mikey began making his own list, of things he had done wrong. Maybe if he could find the reason they thought he was a bad boy, he could fix whatever it was and they would consent to keep him, even though he was useless and they didn't really want him there. He had to figure out what he had done, because if they put him out, he felt sure he would not survive long. Not with his hands too broken to work or even scavenge, and his shoulder, that he could barely move...

Was that it? Was it his broken shoulder that offended them? Perhaps he was more defective than they had anticipated and they weren't interested in fixing him up.

Or maybe... maybe they had tried to fix him and he had not been properly cooperative and grateful. They had cut his shirt away and given him a sling to hold his arm in- stupid, broken, useless arm that made him cringe in pain and how could they possibly want to look at that? They probably thought he was afraid and who would want a frightened Guard Dog? And he hadn't even thanked them.

They were right. He was a bad boy.

Tim and Angie were all but holding their breath as they watched the rescuees process what must be an overwhelming amount of information. Privately, Tim worried that Francis would faint; he had gone very pale and his eyes widened as he listened to them. His breath came in gasps, as if he was having a panic attack, which perhaps he was.

While Tim focused on Francis, Angie heard a sniffling sound from somewhere on her left. She turned to check on Mikey and realized with horror that he was absolutely frozen, tears pouring silently down his face.

"Hey, Mikey, it's okay," she said, trying her best to sound comforting. Her hand hovered behind his back, but she was afraid to bring it down, even gently, and risk hurting him. "It really is. I promise, it's going to be okay."

The realization that Mikey was taking the news badly seemed to rouse Francis from his shocked reverie. "Mistress," he said shyly, "This Pet- that Pet- does not seem to understand. He believes he has displeased you and you are getting rid of him."

"Mikey, do you think that?" Angie sounded horrified. "Do you think we meant we're getting-" she almost couldn't say it. "That we- don't want you? Or we're upset with you?"

Mikey did not react. He was trying to stop this crying, that should have been trained out of him. No wonder they didn't want him. No wonder. How could they want him now?

"Mikey, it's not like that," Angie said. "Francis, do you know- is there anything we can tell him to help him understand?"

"This Pet thinks it will help him to know that he is not being put outside or sent for retraining. That Pet is worried that he is not wanted and that it is his fault." Francis' voice was very solemn now. He had switched focus from his own thoughts to someone else's needs almost seamlessly. How many times had that happened before, Angie wondered?

She decided to be bold and set her hand lightly on Mikey's back, rubbing soft, slow circles, hoping her hand was far enough from his shoulder that he wouldn't be frightened. She took another risk and issued an order.

"Mikey, look at me, please," she said, gentle but firm. His training overrode all else and he turned until he could see her face clearly.

"We are not sending you away. Do you understand?" There was a long pause, and even though there was not yet any indication that he did understand, Angie kept going.

"You are not going to be re-trained. You are not going to be sent outside. You will stay here with us, inside, and we will take care of you. Understand?"

This time, something must have gotten through, because his head dipped in a faint nod.

"Good boy," she said, giving him the warmest smile she could muster and reaching up to smooth his bristly hair.

The words had slowly penetrated through the fog of Mikey's panic. Not sending you away. Not sent outside. With us. And, most importantly, Good boy. The ringing in his ears was quieter now and he could feel a warm, gentle hand on his back. He sneaked a look to his right and found that it was Mistress, rubbing his back and smiling encouragingly at him.

"I won't let anything bad happen to you, Mikey," she said. Promised. "You have a home here, with us. You're doing a good job and you're going to be okay."

Finally, Mikey nodded. He didn't quite believe it, but he thought that with a little practice, he might learn to. Besides, Mistress had said he was, actually, a good boy and surely she would know.

Next time: Francis and Mikey begin adjusting to a new life.

Master List

Let me know if you'd like to be added to the tag list! Also, I deeply enjoy reading your tags and comments, so thank you for that!

Tag list: @pigeonwhumps, @cepheusgalaxy, @i-eat-worlds

[limeade-l3sbian]

CW WARNING, DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF HARM

when I was in high school I cut for two years. and it genuinely felt "good" (at the time). the pain was minimal compared to these abrupt rushes of release i would feel raking my dull, house key across my skin until i broke skin. i didn't care that using this dirty key infected my cuts and made them hurt later and I didn't care that i had to wear a sweater in california heat. it felt great and even when it didn't, i kept doing it because i knew eventually the "good" feeling would come back the next time i did it.

i actually liked the look of my arms. i liked to see all the scars, i liked the blood. i liked the sting when my arm touched things. that's something i never even told my mom who had to deal with this. i liked cutting, i really did. it didn't fix shit, but it alleviated me for however long i could manage before the pain outweighed the pleasure and i finally stopped.

i stopped because people began to notice and kept a stricter eye on me. i took medicine. went to therapy. and all that good stuff, and now you wouldn't even know i cut by looking at my arms (woohoo!).

but the intervention that was taken was completely unwelcomed. i hated that my school was calling me in now and again and making me assure them that i wouldn't hurt myself. i hated the psych doctor who wouldn't let me immediately go home after my 5150. because the ppl who should've cared, honestly, just didn't. they "cared", but they did nothing about it. coming home from the hospital as a minor, i was immediately left home alone for hours. i knew my family loved me but to me, it was like "they don't understand how dire this is".

it's a terrible feeling, and i have a great deal of sympathy and care for those who went through it and who are actively going through it. i wrote all this just to say that even if the ppl who should give a shit, don't? you do it for yourself. you take care of you. remove yourself from your own body and imagine if this was someone else. why does everyone else deserve peace and grace except you? in the most secular way possible, i say that your body really is a temple. you can decorate it how you want but there is no good in harming the very structure itself.

idk i saw something about self harm a few minutes ago and wanted to share. there is worth to your temple, and there is a woman of worth in your reflection. nothing so damaging is easily conquered, but it's hard to go to war when you're already wounded. pls give yourself the peace you deserve. please.

[wigglebox]

I am sad that CMP’s first outing has gotten such a negative immediate reaction 😞 I hope they can weather the storm.

[i vented sorry]

Yeah, I was very sad yesterday seeing everyone do that. Especially the secondhand embaressment. This is this production company's first big thing, in the SPN universe, and when you have the actor of that universe suddenly turn producer to make more content — folks were going to write articles and the twitter descriptions it's just like —

I feel like the fandom showed its ass yesterday. No one is saying folks have to be jazzed but the reaction, in my opinion, was childish and very rude. Many things that the fandom told each other over the last several months, telling each other how much we trust Jensen with anything SPN related, how much we began to understand his respect for the material etc etc just flew out the window as soon as folks saw 'John Winchester'.

Folks I thought of as rational thinkers, level headed, not dramarific or one for over reactions for SPN things over the years were very quick to get morose, negative, and bemoan the fact this isn't a continuation with destiel attatched to it. There were also the concerns over trying to paint John as a "good man", which, there's no way to make that assumption with any facts behind it. It's just emotions replacing facts in my opinion.

It's like the article was published, people blinked, and forgot everything.

It takes two seconds of thought to understand where this is coming from, what may come of it, and what benefits it'd have to both CMP and to just the SPN universe in general.

But some people wanted to get memes out, wanted to get the quip out, wanted to get the viral tweet or tumblr post, wanted to sit on their rockers and just complain.

I understand some of the criticisms, and they are founded — after the content begins and you actually see something amiss with it.

Right now however, there is no content to judge. You have nothing. It's just emotions being presented as facts in folks' heads which led to SUCH an embaressing twitter blurb being written — I honestly wanted to cry when I read that.

There was no reason for that reaction. Not the caution, but the meanness that came from some fans.

I'm chalking it up to old bitter fans, new bitter fans, fans who don't know who Robbie is, fans who still for some reason think Jensen is a homophobe, fans who wanted to be "right" and were embaressed when they weren't ("right" being "oooh they're going to come out with a continuation as their first SPN project").

I will admit myself when I first saw it I went "wait... what?"

But I got over it, I sat down with myself, and gave a minute of thought to it to understand 1) why we're starting with this 2) what can come of it and 3) what are the good things we're already seeing like Robbie Thompson being involved.

I'm not saying I'm better than others who had their reservations, because this fandom did get put through the wringer last November and a few times before that. I understand the hesitancy. I understand the caution.

But what I did not understand were the trending comments that put Jensen and Dee on blast. I did not understand people complaining to them. I did not understand people celebrating that the twitter blurb made us look like idiots.

Sorry I really lost myself in all of that. I'm really tired, I've been awake since 3 a.m. and had no sleep lol.

To answer your thing: I think Jensen and Dee will actually weather it.

Because even though I just said what I said, the ball is actually in their court, and I do believe they'll do some magic. Bad press around a series only sticks around if it is, in fact, a bad series.

It took less than a night talking about the potential of the show not from only me but from several others as well for other fans to pause and maybe give this a cautious optimism.

Imagine if this series comes and it is something amazing (which, I think it will be good. yes yes CW this and CW that but whatever. It is what it is).

I think we as a fandom forget that SPN means just as much to Jensen as it does to us (most of us — some of "fans" are still extremely bitter or just weird and don't actually watch or care about the show and only want to criticize so... idk what they are doing here).

And it's in that care, in watching the last two years of interviews of him talking about a continuation, him voicing his excitement in 2018 over wanting to help tell the Wayward Sister story, his "I have Dean", his insistence that nothing stays dead on SPN, his overall love and devotion for the show, for the crew, for the cast that I personally think he will 1) push through this and show us just what he can do and 2) prove the trust we had in him was justified.

And I do trust him, and Dee, and Robbie, and everyone else involved in making this. I think their drive is going to push through this weirdly annoying reaction that spawned.

Their love and passion and respect for the material I think will give us something very special, and I think they know that as well!

Never forget:

[badmusejail]

Rules

Migrating to a ~mobile friendly page~

I'm very much a 'you do your thing, I do my thing' type of gal, so, don't stop me from doing my thing and I won't stop you from doing your thing, alright?

Other than that, I don’t ask much, really just the basics.

Mun:  Jessica / Roz / Donut, 28, EST.

Your Responsibilities:

Please softblock (block and then unblock) if you decide to no longer interact with me.

Please do not godmod or metagame.

Please have a rules and about page.  I’m unlikely to follow back if you do not.

Honestly the rest of this page is just more about how I operate than anything.

Multimuse specific rules:

It’s totally fine if you’re only here for one muse!  Just let me know so I don’t try to tetris together interactions you don’t have any interest in.

You’re more than welcome to specify a muse or leave it up to me–I don’t mind.

Promos:

If I’ve reblogged your promo, I’ve already read your rules.  But I’m leaving the choice to follow up to you.

Dash Commentary:

Sometimes I like to just have fun with whatever’s currently happening on the dash, or have two of my characters have conversations with each other.

These interactions are non-canon to threads.  Think of them like omakes, or actors stepping off stage to commentate outside of the story.

You are more than welcome to jump in on any of these interactions!  As long as you acknowledge that it will have no impact on any “serious” interactions.  

Ask Memes:  

You’re encouraged to send them.

However, you’ll likely only see IC ones from me once we have some sort of established relationship between two characters.

You’re more than welcome to continue any ask you’ve sent.  I literally cannot be assed to move incoming asks to a new post -- but don’t take this to mean I don’t want you to respond.  You’re more than welcome to move it to a new post if you want to respond--or just reblog it, and I’ll move it next time.  XKit Rewritten can now trim asks! So I'll probably just reblog asks and you're welcome to do the same.

Tagging:

Undertale content will be tagged with undertale cw.  Please let me know if there’s any other catch-alls you need. Please note that I generally don't tag generic AUs of Gaster with this tag, as he's basically an OC at that point. If just seeing his name bothers you, I'd recommend blocking his entire tag.

I do tag other triggers with the same pattern, but I tend to reserve it for explicit descriptions rather than passing mentions.

All characters have a specific tag that all of their content will be tagged with--if there’s any particular character you don’t like, you’re welcome to blacklist that tag. 

I don’t need anything tagged but I do prefer a nsfw tag, specifically for visual nudity.

Fandoms:

Honestly even though many of my muses are from a certain canon, I'm much more prone to writing generic verses.

I will still write within Undertale, ATLA, or Pokemon, but those tend to require more plotting.

This has nothing to do with these fandoms -- just that I tend to take... unconventional turns with my muses and don't always mesh with the common interpretation.

Almost all of my muses have generic fantasy, modern, and sci-fi verses.

The one except to this are my BLEACH muses, who are pretty much only written within BLEACH.

I don't have any carpet bans on specific fandoms -- you're welcome to hang around regardless of where your muse is from.

Content:

I LOVE crossovers!  If you’re totally enamored with a character (on my side, or yours) we can probably find a way to make it work!  That being said, if I’m unfamiliar with your fandom, I’m going to leave it up to you to figure out how to interact.  

I’ll write just about any genre--fluff, horror, romance, dystopian, drama, angst.  Perfectly fine with gore and torture threads.  Super intense stuff will get bonked to Discord or an 18+ sideblog, though.

I don’t generally list content I don’t engage with because I believe it always requires a critical mind on an individual basis, but the line is non-consensual (where consensual is defined as being between two sentient adults) sex.  I don’t mind if your muse has it in their backstory or if it comes up indirectly, but I have no interest in writing my muses explicitly in that situation. 

I do not take faceclaims for my muses.  Every icon of a muse is either the actor that canonically portrayed them, the muse as they canonically appear in games / cartoons / etc., or hand drawn to be that muse.  This isn’t an attack on faceclaims!  You’re more than welcome to use them, but it does mean that I will not use a different set of icons if you don’t like the actor, and I will not use animated icons for live actors or live actors for animated icons.  I don’t have issues with mixing styles in a thread but if you’d prefer me to not use icons (for any reason at all, not just the ones outlined above) just let me know.

Most of my canon muses are close to what you would see in canon, but with a few twists. I don't see the point in rehashing what's been done -- I like to do something new.

Interactions:

If I follow you on any of your blogs, consider us mutuals on all of your blogs.  If you have a muse on another blog you’d like to interact with, go for it!  This applies to multimuses, too--if you have a specific character you want to throw at mine, go for it.  I can’t promise it’ll work out but I’ll usually at least try.  

I’ll usually give most blogs a chance, regardless of what character, fandom, faceclaim they are–even if I don’t follow back.  If I don't follow back, though, it'll be on you to initiate interaction.

That said, I do still reserve the right to not interact with someone.

The more threads we have, the merrier.

I honestly work best once I have a general dynamic to work with, even if it’s as simple as ‘friends’ or ‘don’t like each other.’  

Personals are welcome.

You’re more than welcome to like / reblog content or memes.  But check with my partner first!

Drama

I’m not inclined to reblog callouts, but I do take all allegations very seriously and engage with them with a critical mind.

On the rare case that I do reblog a callout, it will be tagged appropriately with an abundance of tags.

You’re more than welcome to inform me of potentially problematic behavior from the people I interact with, but do not expect me to blindly accept the allegations.

And on that note, even if I do reblog a callout, I never expect you to blindly agree with it. It's just a matter of me thinking its important enough for my mutuals to be aware of. I will never tell you that you can't interact with someone or what conclusions you should make about them.

Account & General.

If you notice a similarity to lesserlovedlovelies, it’s because AOL nuked the email associated with that account so I just moved here.

I will only send passwords after you follow me.

I'm shy as fuck but actively working to do better. If you see this, just popping in and saying hi makes a world of difference!

I don't, in general, take mains or exclusives. I want to write with everyone, including duplicates. Though admittedly I'm less likely to follow first if you write a or with a duplicate of my muse >//<

I think this is good enough for now, but I do have a RULES tag that has other various important information if you’re looking for something specific.  

[homosociallyyours]

I usually anticipate the drama, but people’s reaction to the RS article really caught me off guard this time. I read in full before excerpts were being posted and when I finished I thought “Wow this is a really nice article!” Harry said a lot of interesting stuff, like the public relationships bit, his commentary on my policeman and gay sex, etc. So when I came online and saw how angry some people were I wondered if we’d read different articles lmao Honestly, I still don’t know for certain what is it that they’re so mad about. Also it’s so funny how these people like to say this is all promo for “Olivia’s movie” like….y’all do know that Harry is the male lead of said movie right? So this promo is for him also right? And even when she doesn’t mention the sex scenes (which y’all claimed was the big problem) she’s still wrong? On that note, I’m even more excited for DWD now after hearing what she said about the Harry x Chris Pine scene. Can’t wait to see Babygirlrry go insane on camera! Anyways, sending you love Megan x

HIIIII

I wanted to answer this yesterday but knew I needed to type the response and wasn't able to get my computer out, so I'm a day late! I rambled a bit so I put some behind a cut. Likely some unpopular opinions here, so cw for that.

Anywayyyyy, YES! To all of it!!

My initial takeaway was that the article was pretty good (I enjoyed it)-- relatively interesting, but also the same sort of thing that we always get bc that's the nature of the celeb profile in a magazine. The goal is 1) sell magazines, 2) get the magazine and celeb trending, 3) up the general public's exposure to the artist and their projects (get those trending if at all possible). It did all those things very well-- maybe not in the way I would've wanted as a fan, but as an already devoted fan (who is not a Rolling Stone reader) I'm not exactly the target audience.

If things like this were truly done in service of fans like me (I don't wanna say us bc idk how many people agree here), we would've gotten an interview where Harry talked about architecture and art and the last three books he's read. But what would be the point? Sure, the cover/s would sell magazines, but the gp wouldn't be talking about the profile. There's so much that's going on that isn't fan focused, and I think it really adds to the frustration-- mine too, in a way! I hate seeing people who know nothing about Harry talking shit on him bc they saw an out of context quote. BUT, I think I get the general *why* of doing it.

ALSO! I fully agree with you re: Olivia, that there's nothing she could say (or perhaps not say) that wouldn't be immediately vilified when it comes to DWD or Harry. The truth is that there actually is buzz about this movie-- not the same type of buzz that's circulating with MP, because it's a very different sort of movie --and having it brought up in the article will likely contribute to that buzz and get more people talking about it. It's just. How it goes?

That said, I'm almost certainly not going to be able to watch DWD because it looks too scary for me! BUT I might? And you're right, that scene makes me !! because I think one thing that Harry excels at is committing to going full tilt, and that kind of moment is deeply compelling to me as an amateur actor/performer (the description makes me hope for a moment like Meryl Streep screaming at the dinner table in Big Little Lies, even the thought of which gives me chills).

[bigskydreaming]

A good description. For my part, I don't like talking about it because of my own experiences. I can, however, see Batman, a story where nearly every memorable villain and even the protagonist himself is a Svengali, could attract a disproportionate number of rape apologists, though fandom is full of them. (Oh, hey, that's the other thing with Jason. Talia.)

Ugh I’m so sorry to hear you can relate, and I totally understand not wanting to talk about it. I have no idea what your particular situation is, obviously, but I also want to reiterate since its been awhile since I’ve mentioned this part.....I don’t feel any like....basically, my choice to talk about this stuff is simply put, MY choice, made for my own reasons, that aren’t a reflection on any other survivor. There are a million and one reasons NOT to come forward, or to struggle with it or not to be open about what happened to us, and none of them are a reflection on any of us, but rather the position it puts us in.

Again, I don’t know your situation or what gender you might be or anything else, and this isn’t at all because your ask made me feel defensive or anything like that. This is just something I’ve wanted to put into words for awhile now seems relevant today, and here’s as good a place as any to put it down:

For myself, being a male survivor....like, there’s never really been any getting around the existence of that kinda, idk, caveat that not many male survivors come forward. Sure, we all see the posts and tweets reminding “remember, men can be raped too!” But that’s not the same thing as men sharing their stories and experiences the way far more women have come forward. And that’s why I ultimately began talking about my own experiences in order to express how I felt about my own positioning in society and how as a survivor I interact and am interacted with by others. Because frankly, there wasn’t anywhere else I could really look to in order to see others talking or sharing about similar things and see myself reflected in what they were saying or the experiences they were describing. So, if I couldn’t find what I felt I needed or could have benefited from, I figured at least I could put it out there in case anyone else who could relate could benefit from mine.

Except, ultimately I’ve come to feel that I honestly don’t believe its that men just flat out don’t come forward with their stories or experiences, its that even when we do, we’re rarely signal boosted - as you can kinda see from the fact that I can post the most inane shit and get it to a thousand notes, but in the five plus years I’ve been making posts about this subject, I’m lucky if I can get a single post on the topic to double digits as far as notes go.

People just flat out are a combination of uncomfortable with the novelty of actual discussions about and around male survivors as well as being not really sure how to talk about it because we’ve never really developed the tools for it.

And to be 100% clear, this has NOTHING to do with female survivors, as a point of comparison or ANYTHING else. It drives me up a fucking WALL when people try and compare and contrast even just how much men being raped is talked about vs women being raped, no matter WHAT their reasons are, because I promise people, I PROMISE - NO survivor, of any gender, has EVER benefitted from being pitted against other survivors to ANY degree. Its not a zero sum game and it doesn’t help male survivors to pull shit like “well at least female survivors are acknowledged” because a) eww, and b) nobody asked anyone to say that on our behalf, and c) hyper-visibility isn’t a privilege (or whatever the best parallel to that might be, I’m not trying to appropriate an anti-blackness specific term so much as its the closest comparison I have at the moment for something that isn’t even a matter of marginalized identities but rather marginalized experiences) and d) its COMPLETELY beside the point and actually misses the point by a WIDE margin.

Because what I’ve come to realize over the years, from my own experiences and talking and sharing with survivors of all genders and demographics and walks of life, is that first off....nobody really needs the reminder that hey, men can be raped too. We see it happen all throughout entertainment and other aspects of society, its not an experience that’s hidden away from the light, its just not ever really CALLED what it is, or followed up on, and talked about.

Like Dick Grayson isn’t a statistical outlier in media. Take Horrible Bosses, a summer blockbuster comedy a few years back with a cast of fairly big name comedians, and whose running B plot throughout the whole movie was Jennifer Aniston’s character wanting to rape her employee, Charlie Day’s character. Not only was this not objectionable to audiences in any sizable way, not only did this never really get called out as wtf by critics and reviews, the movie was successful enough to warrant a sequel with even BIGGER names in its cast, like Christopher Pine, and the continuation of the Aniston’s character trying to rape Charlie Day’s subplot. With zero awareness. And its not like that’s the only movie. There’s plenty more I could name.

Or then you’ve got television, where like, take Riverdale, a well-promoted, well known CW show....whose first few episodes featured the lead character Archie in a sexual relationship with his much older female teacher. Except not really a relationship, because that’s textbook, no debate, literal statutory rape.....that ended with Archie’s character being condemned for it as though he were on equal footing with the teacher, who ultimately left town, and it never really acknowledged that he was literally a victim of statutory rape, that any teacher who does that is not an equal partner but a predator. I stopped watching the show for a lot of reasons by like the fourth episode, but I see enough gifs on tumblr to know that several seasons later, this left little enough impact that some kind of Archie-goes-to-jail plotline has resulted in more memes and jokes about prison rape than I can count, and zero awareness that people are compounding jokes about a character who is literally already an unacknowledged survivor.

That’s one. Or you can take Once Upon A Time, a popular ABC show of multiple seasons, and the running subplot where Robin Hood’s character is raped by the Wicked Witch literally the same way Dick was by Mirage in the comics. She shapeshifts into Maid Marian, who ends up dead, and has ‘sex’ with Robin Hood (no, she rapes him) and ends up pregnant. Not only is this never really called what it is, later on, other characters LITERALLY CHEW HIM OUT for objecting to this baby being left in the care of her mother, aka his rapist, and for ‘not being willing to give her the benefit of the doubt/let her change’ as though him not wanting to co-parent with his rapist is no different from any of the show’s other dubious redemption storylines....except for the fact that this particular part of her redemption arc isn’t ever really one she actually needs redeeming for, because nobody ever fucking points out that she literally raped him and he was her victim. Fast forward to the end of the series, Robin Hood’s been dead for seasons, the Wicked Witch is happily redeemed and has a loving wholesome relationship with her daughter, named after Robin Hood like they were some kind of loving, happy family instead of a rapist, her victim, and the child that was born of it.

Or you can take Grimm, a fairly successful NBC show of multiple seasons WHICH LITERALLY DID THE EXACT SAME THING. The main character Nick was raped in season two by the antagonist of the time, who shape shifted into his wife and had ‘sex’ with him, with him not realizing the truth until later on, by which point she’s pregnant with his child. Fast forward to the end of the show, not only was this never really called what it was, his wife’s character was killed off seasons earlier and he is now, get this, ‘happily’ in a romantic and sexual longterm relationship with his rapist (who he by now knows exactly what she did do and what happened between them and just.....got over it without ever actually like, reacting to it)....and oh yeah, not only are they raising the child born of it together, they’ve had a second child since then.

Anyone ever hear much outcry about the male rapes in these shows? And again, like Horrible Bosses, tip of the iceberg. There’s a LOT more shows I could name, just like there are movies.

Or take comics. Its not even just Dick Grayson that’s a survivor. Or Bruce. Or Jason as you pointed out, which......I know a lot of people ignore both Morrison AND Winick’s take on Talia in order to not write her as the rapist she is in their stories, which I can totally understand as she was a well-established character of color for long before either of them got their hands on her and its perfectly valid for people not to want to have to write her as being tarnished as a rapist because two different writers wrote her that way....without.....either of them ever really acknowledging that was literally how they were writing her. I myself write her as a character of complicated and often dubious morality, but never a rapist, for that reason and many others, but its definitely there. And even in a fandom that has never lacked for acknowledgment of Dick being a survivor whose rapists were women.....a LOT of people still romanticize Jason’s ‘relationship’ with Talia as being something other than a grown woman taking advantage of a minor in an extremely vulnerable and compromised state.....with a TON of other takes out there about the two of them, in posts and fics alike, where its somehow danced around or outright called something other than “that time Talia raped Jason in the comics.”

But its not just the Batbooks. Its like how I’ve mentioned in the past, Garth Ennis wrote into one of his storylines that Kyle Rayner was raped when he went to Gotham one time.....not to make it a plot point, but to use it as a JOKE. Or take Marvel comics, Bobby Drake, one of my other all-time favorite characters....who is also a rape survivor of multiple occasions, without it ever acknowledged as such. Like, he was briefly in a relationship with Mystique, who turned out to have entered the relationship under false pretenses, shocking, and who used having sex with him to depower him and take him out of the upcoming fight between the X-Men and the Marauders, which...we don’t have time to unpack all that right now. But fast forward about a year later, and Bobby has since gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend Opal Tanaka.....who, it turns out, is actually just Mystique in disguise, having sex with him again without it ever being called rape since he was consenting to sex with Opal, not the woman who slept with him that one time just to make sure he was helpless to stop a whole lot of people from getting killed. But hey, forget about Mystique! How about that time Chuck Austen wrote him ‘having sex’ with an empath who was EXPLICITLY noted in the narrative as using her powers to manipulate his emotions to even WANT to have sex with her in the first place, and when an issue later it comes out she’s married and her husband starts beating up Bobby for ‘sleeping with his wife’ all the other characters present, all of them friends and teammates of his, condemn Bobby for this without it ever being acknowledged that he was literally manipulated into it by a superpower and he was the victim.

Again. Tip. Of. The. Iceberg.

But you see what I mean? Male rape isn’t an outlier and it isn’t an unknown....its everywhere! Its just.....never called that, really, and never really talked about, even by people who normally would, except for the fact that I don’t think we as a society have ever really forced ourselves to FIND a way to talk about it, because of the fact that like.....the very notion of it threatens and undermines the essence of the patriarchal beliefs that are hammered into us all from day one. Even when we know the patriarchy is crap, we still have so much ingrained in us from early childhood that stuff like this, which is a blatant symptom of it even if not one aimed primarily at disadvantaging women.....like, it slips under the radar because its never fully called out or spotlighted in loud enough or widely enough ways to keep us from overlooking how much its impacted our POVs.

Blatantly put, the patriarchy and sexism RELIES on the idea that men are somehow more powerful/stronger/whatthefuckever than women. And male victims - of abuse as well as rape, though definitely rape.....like, even just a widespread awareness of our existence is enough to kinda destabilize that belief that is so foundational to the patriarchy its DEPENDENT on it being upheld as unassailable truth.

Because if forced to acknowledge that men are just as vulnerable to even something like rape as anyone else in the ‘right’ situations or dynamics, it forces confrontation with the reality that no matter what the patriarchy has claimed for as long as its existed.....men aren’t inherently any more powerful, or stronger, or resistant to harm/humiliation/VICTIMIZATION as anyone else.

And the patriarchy flat out can’t afford that confrontation, so it can’t afford to acknowledge male survivors.

Again, just want to be beyond clear - nowhere here am I okay with making this about a compare and contrast between the experiences and interactions society has with male survivors and around male rape, and the same with female survivors and rape. Because I mean, we all should be more than aware that society as a whole sucks at the acknowledgment, addressing and handling of rape in any context, in any of the ways it comes up as a topic, in terms of any survivor who comes forward no matter who or when or how.....like. We suck at this topic, and at any and all discussions about this topic. Period. Flat out. So when I say the patriarchy can’t afford to acknowledge male survivors, I am in no way aiming to diminish the reality that it does just as fucking an abyssmal job at acknowledging and responding to female survivors....the point here is not the poor reception any and all survivors receive to disclosing their experiences in our society, but rather the specific why of this when it comes to male survivors just as the particular subject of focus here.

And again, like, my only credentials here are just like. My life experiences, lol. I’m not trying to claim anything more or other than that, make no mistake. I’m a literal college drop out, this is not the result of comprehensive studies or vetted by the scientific method. This is literally just “like, my opinion, man” and makes no pretenses at being other than that. Its just the conclusions I’ve formed over the years and why, completely anecdotal and not aiming to be any kind of authoritative or expert viewpoint with my personal take here. Largely because I haven’t really found anywhere that I feel the conversation has proceeded enough in earnest that its even at a point that would ALLOW for that yet. So this is all more just.....my feel of things, and why, as just kinda idk, hopefully a starting point for further ACTUAL exploration of all this. My attempts at starting the kind of conversation I feel we need to be having in order to be at all productive instead of just constantly spinning around in circles, which is what it so often feels like.

So when I say I think the patriarchy can’t honestly AFFORD to acknowledge male survivors specifically, I’m not positing some grand conspiracy or active cover-up.

Because nothing like that is even necessary.

Its built into the framework of the system itself. Its not that I believe anyone goes out of their way to “hide” male survivors from anyone, I’m saying there’s no need. Because its been so ingrained into us from such a young age and in so many ways, most of us never even think to question whether anything is even being hidden, or if its just as simple as, well men don’t really come forward, because their pride and self-esteem is so impacted by what happened to them, due to the expectations heaped on men by the patriarchy.

Its kinda stunning, actually. Even while ACKNOWLEDGING that the patriarchy does impact male survivors in ways as well, we’re kinda....led away from the ACTUAL ways and ACTUAL reasons why....because despite literally calling the patriarchy out as the bad guy in this way, it still manages to weasel itself out of this confrontation by virtue of the fact that you can’t ever really effectively address a problem when you’re being misdirected to a tangent that’s not really the REAL problem that needs addressing.

So personally, I’m of the belief that its not that men just don’t ever really come forward. Its that even when some do, like myself, we can scream our heads off for years and it just echoes into the void, because its not being heard in the ways we need to be heard in order to effectively....signalboost our stories and experiences and needs. Much like I just mentioned above, its misdirection......everybody’s too focused on addressing an issue that doesn’t actually NEED solving (ie, reminding everyone/promoting awareness that men too, CAN be raped), and thus at least feeling productive, feeling like they’re contributing to tackling the problem.....that meanwhile, the ACTUAL problem (men CAN be raped too, and are, and here are men talking about it only for the signal to get lost and fizzle out rather than get boosted)....it flies right under the radar.

Because in line with what I said earlier about how it does no good to compare our experiences, both in terms of assault and our lives in the aftermath, with women survivors - its because its apples and oranges.

Rape isn’t a gendered issue, because it can happen to anyone of any gender, at any time....its situational. Dependent on context. Rape culture, however, IS a gendered issue.

Because rape culture, how our society INTERACTS with the very idea of abuse and rape and its victims and perpetrators....spills out entirely from that core foundation of the patriarchy and sexism, and thus much like those things themselves, how it affects women survivors is always going to be totally different from how it affects men who are survivors. Our experiences are not interchangeable - that has nothing to do with being better or worse, more publicized or less, etc, etc. They just....manifest different ways. The cause of our trauma-related problems might be the same thing, but the problems it creates for us are not, and none of us can ever really benefit from it being treated as a one size fits all kinda deal, nor is it to our benefit to treat it like there’s only so much conversation about the topic available to go around.

What I mean here is, like I said, the patriarchy at the foundation of our society can’t afford for it to be widely acknowledged that men can be victimized too.

But it can’t actually stop this from happening, given that its basis for saying it never happens is an inherent uneven-ness that only exists because it made it exist, not because like....we’re innately born uneven.

So....it had to come up with a narrative, a response, for when men DID step forward and say hey, I too was abused. I was raped. Etc.

And it did.

As a result, a lot of women don’t come forward because they fear not being believed, with reason. And this is true for a lot of men as well, just as the following is true for a lot of women too....

Which is that IMO the bigger reason/more immediate reason a lot of men don’t come forward, is that our concern isn’t so much that we won’t be believed....

Its that we will be believed, but rather than this getting us the help we need or the justice we ask for, it only ever really creates more problems for us, due to the patriarchy’s go-to fix-it job for this situation:

Paint the male victim as being not so much a victim as a victimizer-in-training.

See, the lie that men are innately more powerful, stronger, more ‘deserving’ of being in charge can’t afford the admittance than men are also vulnerable, can be victimized, taken advantage of.....

But it CAN afford the idea that men can be abused/raped/etc with this going on to eventually result in us becoming abusers/rapists/victimizers ourselves in the future, as long as THIS is kept the clear focus and emphasis of the narrative.

Because after all, there’s nothing in the idea that we all inevitably take out our pain (whatever it may come from) on others that contradicts the idea that we’re stronger, more powerful, etc.

And its not like the patriarchy and its supporters give a shit if this throws even other men under the bus, because the only thing institutions and systems of power actually care about is POWER.

They’re not our friend, even if in a different life, we could have ended up wielding more of that power than we do in this one. Even if we do in other aspects of our lives gain social and other forms of power more easily/with less obstacles than other people.

They only care what we can do for them, to spread that power, perpetuate it, preserve it....so just like white supremacy will happily screw over poor white people and America doesn’t give a shit about its prison population and the LGBTQ+ community so often ignores the issues of its members of color and so on.....the patriarchy is more than willing to make male survivors from any and all groups and communities take the hit it has no intention of taking by letting it be confirmed its built on sand and bullshit.

So just as much as we’re ingrained from early childhood with the idea that men can’t be victimized the way others can, the linked lesson we’re taught is that men who have been hurt badly or in certain ways will almost certainly end up hurting others.....

With the implicit acknowledgment that there was just an admittance that we can be hurt badly/in certain ways ending up just swiftly glossed over. As the focus is instead kept on the harm done to our hypothetical future victims.

Because the easiest way to keep someone from being sympathetic, is to give people someone else to sympathize with MORE. To give people reason to feel a person doesn’t even deserve your sympathy in the first place.

And so now think about not how often we see men victimized by abuse and rape in media, or how often we see men portrayed as survivors and yes, victims of these things.....

Think instead of how often in media we see men who victimize others, who are the antagonists, the villains, the serial killer/rapist/abuser of the week.......and with it offhandedly being dropped into a scene and then never really focused on again, that these men were almost always said to have been abused or raped or victimized in the past....and this is the REASON for why they all ended up doing what they did.

Suddenly, the numbers go up, don’t they? The second you think about it from THAT angle?

Its just....the reason that angle literally exists to the extent it does in society and the messages we’re fed, the entertainment we’re given.....is because that’s the POINT.

Because its natural for us not to think of any of those men as victims when by the time we find that part out, we’ve already internalized our view of them as victimizers, and solidly put our sympathies with their victims in the present. Because what was done to them in the past doesn’t excuse what they do to others in the present. Being hurt doesn’t give you carte blanche to hurt others. We all know this. Hence....WHY IT WORKS.

Except, this isn’t actually a reflection of reality. The myth of the perpetual cycle of abuse is just that, a myth. Oh, it happens, certainly. With men, with women, quite probably more often with men than women, not much doubt about that....

But its not that it happens, we’re told. That’s not the issue here.

Its that we’re pretty much told it ALWAYS happens. Its always GOING to happen. That there’s no real point in sympathizing with a male victim who is most likely going to end up victimizing someone else in the future and thus he’s not really gonna deserve your sympathy at that point, will he? Which makes him not really worth wasting it on him in the first place. Makes it easy to come up with something to focus on more instead of his story or experiences, something just as deserving of your focus or sympathy, but that you’re less likely to end up regretting in the future like you would if a male survivor you sympathized with now ends up in the news five years down the line for having hurt someone else.

Because over centuries and generations the idea of male survivors at all has been cultivated into having this almost mythic quality, there’s just enough subtle feeling of wrongness around the very idea of it, like, that it just doesn’t quite make sense...that it ends up being almost a relief to give our minds a reason, an explanation for why they don’t have to come up with a way to adjust the paradigm there, to make room for that idea, realign a worldview into one where there’s a specific spot for male survivors much like any other subject that needs focusing on or evaluating for whatever reason.

And this point, this conclusion that no matter how tragic what happened to make a male survivor was, it will only ever ultimately end up in the same spot, with him later on passing along the harm, a warped kind of paying it forward....this is hammered home over and over. We see it everywhere, without even often realizing what it is we’re seeing and internalizing, like with the examples I cited of all the times men are raped in entertainment without it being called that. Its the flip side of that....the times that men are raped in entertainment with it being called that, but swiftly moved past that to introduce the reason not to care that that’s what it was we just saw.

And thus throughout several seasons of Law & Order: SVU we’ve had male survivors, usually teens, who at first seemed eminently sympathetic for what had been done to them.....but who by the end of the episodes, ended up becoming school shooters exacting revenge on their bullies. Or ended up killing the coach who raped them in high school and then went on to rape a dozen others. Or in the last scene of the episode is found kneeling over their abusive father’s corpse with blood on their hands and the detectives standing over them in sadness that now they had to take the boy they thought was the victim away to jail as the victimizer he didn’t have to end up becoming.

Except.....he only becomes that because they make the choice to write him becoming it! Every single time!

Like in 13 Reasons Why, where another male survivor ends up....another school shooter. Or in Criminal Minds, where pretty much every single killer throughout the series ended up with a backstory of abuse and rape and victimization as a child, making it ‘all the more tragic’ and with the protagonists often literally using the phrase “almost like the guy never had a chance.”

Well no, they didn’t. Not when it was written to BE that way.

And then we see the idea root and take hold in audiences. And spread and perpetuated. Validated.

Its why I hate the woobification thing in fandoms, where fans of (white) villain characters fill in their backstory for themselves with all the REASONS they are the way they are, and with the reasons never being that they’re just a sadistic entitled asshole, but because they were hurt. They were abused as a child, they were raped offscreen, the heroes said mean things about them in the burn book once and that’s why they just had to kill the hero’s whole family, see.

And everything comes full circle.....not only is it that all male victims are destined to end up victimizers....its equally true that all male victimizers must have once been male victims. Even if we didn’t see it onscreen or on the page.

Except, and why I loathe that fandom tendency.....

THAT NARRATIVE IS NOT AN INEVITABILITY AND NEVER WAS! The end point and point of origin presented there are NOT innately set in stone!

And all that does is just validate and accept as truth the LIE that patriarchal society puts forth in order to play smoke and mirrors with this one specific facet of human experiences that innately possesses the potential to destabilize the lie at the very rock bottom foundation of everything the patriarchy’s ever built at everyone else’s expense. The reason it offers up for why its not only allowable, its for the best that we look elsewhere from any male victims that actually step forward and say hey, can you all listen to me for a second, I want to tell you what happened to me.

And the fun irony of THIS aspect of things is if you think this woobification fandom thing benefits male survivors as a whole in some way or another, like the tendency of fans to find even villainous victimizers sympathetic means that they can and do sympathize just as much with actual male victims.....I’m fairly certain it doesn’t.

See, because with villains in fandom......this retroactive sympathy for imagined past traumas happens to only the characters that fandom has already decided they liked DESPITE the awful things they’ve done. Its made up to be used as an excuse instead of an explanation....

And like we all know damn well, even if we don’t always admit it or like to acknowledge it....

Explanations are not actually excuses. The harm you do can not be wiped away by the harm done to you.

So, because that’s still inside of us, our awareness of that, even if its ignored on the surface while defending hot white villains or whatever.....it doesn’t actually give anyone reason to ignore the narrative our society constructs around actual male survivors who it encourages people to condemn or ignore on the basis of purely hypothetical FUTURE abuses or wrongdoings.

And after all, you can’t actually decide you can look past the harms a person enacts and still view them as sympathetic if....you don’t actually know yet what those harms are going to end up being and thus whether you can make your peace with them, can you?

You just know that harms WILL be done, so....might as well err on the side of caution and assume they won’t be forgivable when deciding here and now to be thrifty with sympathies and spread any actionable effort taken on behalf of survivors in areas where those sympathies are more likely to be put to better use.

And yeah, all of this plays into why I focus so much on certain aspects of Dick’s narratives, and they usually AREN’T the rapes themselves.

Because for me, for many other male survivors I know......

Acknowledging those happened, examining how he felt when those happened....its not the biggest issue. Just like in our own lives, having it acknowledged or known what was done to us, having to face how it made us feel....that’s not really our primary concern.

Its what happens AFTER that.

How people view us and treat us AFTER their initial sympathies, whatever they are, dry up - which, we’re given reason to believe, they always inevitably will.

Because it isn’t all that different from what I frequently complain of happening with Dick in fandom, and hell, its WHY it bothers me so much, because its literally been a recurrent theme throughout my life:

The most widely acknowledged male survivor in comics, just also happens to coincidentally be....

The character most often spun as having a wicked temper, being almost irrationally angry at times, with his temper being likened to things like an eruption, an earthquake, a NATURAL DISASTER....something to be avoided at all costs, something the other characters fear, with good reason, but also impossible to avoid, because its too intrinsic to his nature. Its an inevitability. Dick Grayson WILL erupt or explode again at some point, and its going to be ugly. Like he’s a time bomb.

Even though....as I frequently go in depth on.....Dick’s never actually been shown as having particularly poor self-control either on just its own merits or specifically in comparison to others. He doesn’t really actually HAVE a track record of taking out his own hurts on others. On giving people REASON to be afraid of his temper even while they continue to take no responsibility for giving him reasons to be angry at all.

Its why I so often emphasize the discrepancy between the fact that whatever someone’s own personal character preferences, the FACT remains that Dick Grayson is the character in this family that most often bears the BRUNT of everyone ELSE’S anger.......just as the fact equally remains that Dick Grayson is still ultimately the character most often singled out in posts and headcanons and fanfics as unleashing his temper on others in unjustifable ways and usually without actual provocation.

None of this is a coincidence to me.

Its how we see over and over again that its okay for Dick Grayson to be angry FOR others, ON others’ behalf....its just when he’s angry FOR HIMSELF, for being taken advantage of, ignored, walked all over or mistreated....that’s when his anger is unjustified. Irrational.

Dangerous.

Or you guys know that one fanon about how Dick forces his hugs on his siblings, and his displays of physical affection are often unwanted, and thus violations?

Yeah, that one hits me right in the Issues too, because again, that’s not remotely supported by anything in canon....there has NEVER been an instance of Dick’s family asking him to cut it our or feeling like......IMPOSED upon because he likes to hug his family.

Its not to say people can’t feel that way about even well-meaning displays of physical affection that aren’t cleared with them first....

Its that this is something that people had to DECIDE to make a thing with Dick and his family. To actually craft the narrative that the many-times victim of unwanted touching was effectively violating his family’s wishes and boundaries every time he hugs them without being asked or invited to.

With that number being however many times a writer wants to write him doing when highlighting it as a violation.

And is this a thing we really see with any other character? Is my question there. How often do you see literally any other character being chewed out or resented for....hugging?

Just the one character most known for giving physical affection freely with his FAMILY and close friends.....

Who just so happens to also be the one character most often the guy who has his bodily autonomy violated.

The canon rape survivor has literally had HUGS weaponzed against him.

With the end result being.....every time he does it, every time this pings on a reader’s radar as Bad and Unwelcome....the linked takeaway is its one more reason for that reader to then ask themselves....well if he doesn’t care whether other people want him touching them, why should I care when he doesn’t want people touching him either?

Which ultimately just winds up another form of: why should I feel bad if bad things happened to someone who isn’t really that great of a person?

See what I mean?

Its all connected. Its not me getting frustrated with a bunch of different random things, its all the same thing at the end of the day, all so often traceable back to the same places.

I couldn’t untangle myself from so much of this and how it impacts me and my view of things even if I wanted to, to such an extent that in the end, want really has very little to do with it.

(And uh, you think those bug the shit out of me, let me tell you about just the very SIGHT of all those fics where Dick the widely acknowledged, perhaps best known male rape victim in comics.....is a rapist himself. Because yeah....even if people like to keep their incest light and fluffy or sweet instead of predatory, to someone who is y’know, personally familiar with all of this, Dick and ANY of his younger brothers is never going to appear as anything BUT predatory. As yet one more time where the linear journey of a male survivor all the way to the final evolution into male predator is born out and treated as so matter-of-fact, so inevitable, it hardly warrants noting as anything especially obscene or gross to write about a character famous for his survivor status. And its not like Dick is actually the only character in the franchise I like, so its not like its any better when its Jason painted as the aggressor in a fic, for instance....and while I will always be hugely critical of how Bruce is written as abusive in canon, that’s a wildly different thing from sexually preying on his sons so again, seeing him as his own sons’ rapists is yet again more upsetting than most people would think without connecting Bruce’s own status as a canon rape survivor, whether we like that story or not.....and plugging it into again, this pre-programmed route traveling from survivor to predator, over and over again. Victim to victimizer. Like clockwork.)

Anyway, my point is not to harp on this but rather to just lay it out there in this way. And how it plays into so much of my own personal approach to dealing with all of this when it comes up.......because the simple fact is I have to, there is no opt-out lol, and it comes up a lot, in large part because its so easy t reframe as being something else that most people who don’t have direct experience being directly impacted by all of this in its various myriad expressions are understandably not going to see it pinging on their radar and getting logged into their awareness the way it always does in mine.

*Shrugs* It is what it is. Its there. Avoiding it has never done me any favors, so.......as I so often demonstrate in a variety of degrees of Hmm Probably Coulda Done That Better, lol, I try and deal with things head-on and adjust as needed.

Easier said than done, not always pulled off, never any guarantee that I’m going about things the right way, just that like.....

There’s problems that need addressing that stem from all of this, and I know where mine lie and put a lot, a LOT of effort into addressing them and keeping an eye on them and not letting them get the better of me.

But the flipside of paying that close attention and that much means I’m also keenly aware of when and where I couldn’t take responsibility even if I wanted to, because the responsibility literally just isn’t mine to take....because yeah, I live in a society but guess what, so does everyone else, and its the same damn society, so  at the end of the day, no matter HOW well or not I go about handling the matter of my rapes and their overall impact and shaping of my life.....that’s just me handling the rape part of things.

The rape culture? And how THAT affects and informs every survivor’s life in whatever way it does going forward?

That’s kinda.....only ever going to be improved upon or not, on like....a cultural scale. That’s a society thing. Not a survivor thing.

Because we are all shaped by our cultures, every aspect of our cultures, and this one is unfortunately no different. But, its shaped by us too.

But to actually shape it INTO something, or more accurately, to shape it into LESS of what it is, blunt some of its edges, lessen some of its ability to do harm to survivors, to compound the harm already done.....

Something like THAT requires intent. Conscious effort.

And intent requires like....first being able to SEE what problems need addressing.

And that’s kiiiiinda the whole point of survivors coming forward when so rarely, so MINUTELY does it EVER result in actionable justice for that individual survivor.

And I don’t for a second believe a single one ever believes or assumes otherwise.

Cuz its super not fun. It never like......I don’t fucking know how it looks to other people, tbh, because I’ve literally been a survivor since before I even really knew that I was being abused or molested, that there was something I was surviving....but trust me, I’ve thought about it, I’ve wondered, and I don’t know if like, people think a survivor ‘telling their story’ is somehow an equivalent of like, getting a book deal or something, there’s the attention it brings after all, and isn’t there that saying that no publicity is bad publicity.....

LOL. Yeah. Umm. Just saying, if you don’t have personal experience as a survivor having come forward or shared openly about your experiences, let me refer you to another saying as counterpoint: Don’t believe everything you hear.

Cuz that’s definitely not one anyone else ever forgets when ‘listening’ to any of us.

Anyway, wrapping this up by bringing it back to like.....my extremely evident mood and irration of this past week.....this is ALL connected, this is ALL part and parcel of every single time this comes up as an issue for me and its never less of one at one time than it is at another, its never a little easier this time because this reason or that....its always the same damn frustration every single time. Stuff like this doesn’t get doled out in manageable portions, its all or nothing. Its either a problem right this current second or its not, and if its not, that’s only until the next time its a problem again, likely sooner rather than later.

And that’s the part that makes me talk about this as much as I do, and get as frustrated as I do when people just do not seem to get.....

I don’t have an off switch on this matter because there IS no off switch for me. The times I get frustrated and vent about this stuff are actually only at MOST a TENTH of how often it rears its head for me to deal with.....the times my reactions or responses boil over into public view, into something you guys see, or ‘have to deal with’ are literally just the times where there is no keeping a lid on it because the pot was already full to start with.

And so it really. Epically. Beyoooooond doesn’t help matters, when despite being the only male survivor I’m aware of being consistently vocal on the matter in the only fandom I know of where a prominant male character is almost universally acknowledged as a survivor....

I usually only ever hear the response:

“Mmmmmm, I’m not really sure what makes you think there’s a problem here and that it has anything to do with us, when see, I don’t agree, and I don’t really see why you think your opinion on the matter of how this particular character is written about and viewed and depicted interacting with others and how fandom interacts with him, is like.....of any kind of real relevance? This is just like....your opinion, man.”

Me: ........have I ever claimed for a second it wasn’t? Didn’t I use those exact words at least once in all of this already?

fahsklhfaklhflakfhalffha

Cuz for the record, ultimately, that’s what this all boils down to. I’ve wanted to post about this stuff for awhile now, but make no mistake:

It literally is all just my opinion? Formed of my own personal experiences and the conclusions I’ve taken away from them. Laid out as fully and extensively as I can manage, specifically SO people can take all of that into context when deciding for themselves how much weight or not to GIVE my opinion......

In which case, y’know, the experiences I have with this matter and how they correlate to these opinions, like, have contextual relevance and seem necessary to include.

Its NOT because I’m trying to use them to browbeat everyone into agreeing with me because I think I’m the only one whose opinion matters here, lol.

No. Just that like....it DOES matter? And its kinda exhausting when people act like all of this is arbitrary and abstract to me, that its some kind of superiority complex or me moralizing from a pulpit or some shit when I’m literally saying none of it is abstract or arbitrary to me, and the louder I say that, the more people THEN say “oh so basically your opinion is the only one that matters here unless we disclose the same kind of experiences or background huh?”

*headdesk*

I just.....it seems my stance is either born of self-righteousness and nothing personal whatsoever....unless I make enough of a fuss about how that’s NOT true, in which case my stance is that apparently I think I’m the only one who is allowed to have an opinion here because I’ve made such a point about it being personal.

But its definitely not that people are just determined to invalidate anything I have to say on this subject one way or another, right?

Anyway.

So all of that’s like...whatever that was. Make of it what you guys will, but I do hope that at least for some people whom it might be a new perspective or new information to, you’ll consider asking why is it that in a fandom that prominently features a canon male survivor whose survivorhood is so frequently denoted as a key and critical part of his character....someone like me, who is frequently cited as a resource on many, many other kinds of meta about Dick Grayson......seems to have more people interested in discouraging me from ever expounding on my own experiences in this matter and any correlations I see between those and Dick’s experiences and narratives, than there are people interested in like......utilizing me as the freaking resource on male survivor experiences and viewpoints that I’ve literally been out here offering to be from day one....specifically BECAUSE of how rarely men are viewed as coming forward and being open about our shit here.

*Shrugs*

Just food for thought.