#i honest to god dont know whether to tag this as my art or not my art. oh well

[raybotonline]

i havent drawn anything substantial for like a month because i started playing the sims 4 again and it subsequently took over my brain like a parasite. you know how it is with the sims

anyway here's ludovica

[malkaviian]

the unhinged mav drawing posts the day after tomorrow and i've debated a million times whether to let it post or create an account for these type of not-so-sfw drawings

[angstics]

this post about lesbian divas rlly delighted me. it's fun to see this niche topic talked about and expanded on with lots of examples. soooo i compiled all the responses as of 21/09/23 10:30pm EST and put them in a spreadsheet. then ranked them by how much of a diva i consider them lol

first off, the general list. i found 152 unique responses in the replies, tags, and comments. some were only first names so i didnt bother researching into who the poster was talking about. images for ease of viewing:

second... what is a diva?? clarifying where im coming from is important to understand my upcoming opinions. i should make clear that im talking about DIVAS as in DIVA WORSHIP as in LIZA MINNELLI-BARBRA STREISAND-BETTE DAVIS-LADY GAGA etcetera. dykes can see these female celebs as divas as well, but what the original post touches on is the male diva.

this rthko ask explains the diva well. you should also take a look at scholarly articles and books -- divas have been a part of recorded gay culture and esp gay male culture and drag queen culture forever -- the term isnt concrete. rthko says that "there's no real formula" but lists these typical features of a diva:

larger than life -- glam, humor, charisma? would a drag queen impersonate them?

theatrical / proximity to theatre

sexy / horny -- rthko notes here that these arent requirements, citing liza's lack of sexual overtness

strength

niche -- can be popular but not a general crowd-pleaser

gay rights supporter -- before it was cool

now rthko is talking about female divas, even noting the blind spot for bi/lesbian fans and artists. i say you can apply the same features to male celebrities to identify the male divas dykes idolize. i should note that some of the ppl on the list are women or genderqueer. so the list is not entirely male.

another note: im putting so much emphasis on DIVAHOOD because it's SUCH a specific term. not all icons, "weird little guys", "blorbos" are divas. one thing rthko doesn't touch on is how a diva often has a strong sense of self that the devotee can identify and want to emulate -- at the xtreme, leads to drag art. if they dont inspire and amaze, then are they a diva?

lets get into part 3: which of these 152 people / concepts / groups are honest to god divas? you can argue they're all Icons to some extent (the bare minimum being having a lesbian fanbase) but do they have what rthko and i (and gay culture researchers) consider to be the features of a diva?

first thing i did identify those i both recognized and "saw divahood within". ended up with 44:

then i shrunk down the list even further to 18 (again, pure opinion):

then i ranked the 44 more methodically by mapping out the 7 features of the diva:

several important notes:

this ranking is not definite -- though i tried to be fair, considering the limits to what i know, it is subjective

i dont know the histories of some of these people, so i may be missing some things. an inverse example: i know far too much about gerard way, so i had a good idea of how he fit into each feature

some of these i couldnt decide whether i should check or not. al pacino i was esp worried about... couldnt justify checking those boxes the way i can for other people

either way, my findings yielded interesting results! 3 of the most commonly talked about singer-songwriters (bruce, bob, johnny) ranked low. this may indicate that there's other features to the male diva that arent specified or dont apply to females divas / gay male devotees. perhaps defined gender expression, or “voice for lesbians”, or something else.

all of the people with a score of 4 or more can be emulated. "sex" (meaning overt sexuality) is the least common feature, after "theatrical".

though anyone can be a diva to anyone, there's a certain "canon" of who is a diva in gay circles. liza barbra bette gaga. this messy qualitative approach is an attempt to figure that out for dyke divas. i would love to talk about it more.

[mrskreideprinz]

happy new years friends and followers! i remember doing one of these when i first joined fanfic tumblr and i’m feeling nostalgic so i thought i’d make one since it’s been awhile and i have some (positive) things to say!!

okay here goes!! putting everything under a readmore to not clog the dash <3

@tighnarly — hi baby. my princess, cupcake, gum drop, bunny baby <3 i’m so happy and grateful to have you as my future wife and i can’t wait for the day we get married. i know i mostly post about my fictional fav (albedo :p) but you’re truly all i want and need 🫶🏻 everytime i write a fanfic i’m thinking of you and me. every word i write is a love letter to you from me. i know i’m not the best with words but i hope one day you’ll be able to see you the way i see you. trust me when i say you are the most beautiful and kind human i have ever met in my life, and i’m gonna personally fight everyone and anyone who hurts you 😗 anywaysss hehe i love you sunshine 💖🫶🏻

@neuvillettes — bestieeeeeee my bestie from the westie 🫶🏻 i’m so glad we met and connected online bc now we legit our roommates and it’s so fun 😭🤚🏻 like i legit dont know how to tell you how much our friendship means to me. ur fr that one person that just GETS me. you’re so kind and funny and fun to be around, but i also love that ur not afraid to be honest with me, especially when i need that tough love approach. i love you oh so much bestie 💖 oh and thank you for the art tablet i literally am still screaming over it hehe.

@suyacho — my beloved bestie 🫶🏻 there is no one i love rambling about my selfship thots about more than you. i love how i can talk to you about anything and everything 🥹🫶🏻 i especially love how patient and supportive you’ve been of me this year, because it meant the entire world to me. i’m so glad we’re besties and i can’t wait for the day i meet you irl 🫶🏻💖mwah ily bestie hehe me, kaeya, and albedo are smoochin u rn 💖 (platonic)

@auphelia — mootie sweet sweet mootie. it always makes me happy seeing you on the dash, and i especially smile whenever i see u in my tags whether it’s a fic or just a regular old post. i get so giddy whenever i talk to u bc u are fr one cool pal!! i’m so glad we’re mooties! and i have to say i can’t wait to see what more you write because you are very talented 💖

@fleur-de-leap — leap!! i know i am very sporadic with my messages but i legit get so happy to interact with you and even more so when i see/read ur art/writing! you’re so fucking talented in so many ways and every day it truly impresses me! when we made the server together that day it made me SO happy and i get so happy seeing i get messages from you 💖 thank you for being my friend through all these years, truly it’s been a blessing.

@shig-a-shig-ah — bestie!!!!! my BESTIEEEE 🥹🫶🏻 i hope u know u mean the entire world to me. i can’t believe we’ve been friends since the beginning of my writing journey, it’s wild! istg ONE DAY BESTIE, ONE DAY we will meet and it will be the best day ever 🥹🫶🏻 ily bestie mwah

@blkladyelle — elle!! my beloved!! it’s so nice whenever i see you on the dash, and i’m always especially happy whenever i get a dm from you! i hope you feel loved and happy this upcoming year and that it holds so much positivity for you. because fuck i need you to have a good year!!! i love you sm and wanted to let you know my dm’s are always open for you 🫶🏻💖

@nc-vb — mootie aka my fellow albedo lover i get so happy whenever i see u interact with me, and i want you to know i’m always rooting for you! you’re writing is so good and honestly you’ve been such a joy to talk to in dm’s, and you’re so easy to talk to. i hope this year good things happen to you, because you truly deserve the world bub 🫶🏻

@4izawas — bestie cas!! i know we just became mutuals but u are legit one of the coolest people on this app! ur writing is fucking god tier and you are legit one of the funniest fuckers i know 😭💖 can’t count the amount of times u’ve made me giggle from something u said 🤭 i’m manifesting that aizawa confesses his love to u this year!!! 💖

if you’re not listed here it’s purely either because i forgot or we didn’t talk too much this year. so, please don’t take it personally if i didn’t include you!! i love all me mooties 🫶🏻💖

[clocks-are-round]

Gonna hit you with a curveball - How about Carolina?

Uhhhhh oh boy. Out of all the characters. For multiple reasons I must ask y’all not to judge me.

fgdsdds YOU ASKED and I am nothing if not honest and oversharing

Why I like them: To be honest, of the MCs she’s probably the one I’m least attached to. I think I started liking her in season 15. Waitwait— I liked her interactions w/ Epsilon I think. IDK, been a minute since I’ve watched the seasons after BGC. Some of the fanart does have me simping, but we’re focusing on canon here and canon face reveal Carolina looked like… 30 minimum (I know she wasn’t but she looked like a mom to me idk), which is still old to me so *shrug*. Season 15-17 was great for Carolina imo. But fandom Carolina is really what won me over. And not just because she’s hot! I mean— FUCK! Can we— Can we change the subject?

Why I don’t: She just felt so… flat? cold? for the longest time. Obviously that changed with time, but I did not care much for her initially.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Facing herself in the Labyrinth was pretty cool. Showed how far she’s come.

Favorite season/movie: Maybe 15? Velocirocktor is the shit.

Favorite line: “Can I sing?” and all those scenes implied. It established her current dynamic with them so well haha

Or the awkward, “Bow chicka bow wow?”

Favorite outfit: Her Halo 4 armor is most aesthetically pleasing to me. As for out of armor in fan drawings, anything that shows off those gorgeous muscles. Tank tops are good.

OTP: This is gonna sound cringey as hell, but since I don’t have a ship with her in the show— one of my characters in upcoming series Queer Canyon. Spinach (pronounced spinahk) is chatty and over the top and works best with someone who tolerates and enjoys that about her while still grounding her to keep her from getting herself into too much trouble. I think they’d be cute as hell together. In my defense, I realized if they met Spinach would fall for her months before I started simping for Carolina art. Carolina is exactly her type and as soon as I realized I started planning a potential crossover that may never see the light of day. (to clarify, in the planned 3 seasons of Queer Canyon they don’t meet the official RvB characters. Different simulation outpost, different freelancers, this is just a fun what-if ship) I am not opposed to Carolina ships though. They’re all pretty cute, I just don’t personally ship any of them I guess? Maybe I’ll pursue a ship in my fanonverse with her eventually, but currently I don’t have one planned.

Brotp: Carolina and Wash. I love their bond and pray it is kept platonic. Would love to see more of Carolina with literally any of the others though.

Head Canon: Carolina’s first name is actually Carolina. Not anything revolutionary but I don’t really have any big headcanons about her right now.

Unpopular opinion: IDK if this unpopular, but I think she has dark hair. Those roots look dark to me.

A wish: To see her interacting with the others more. Feels like she was always either with Epsilon or Wash. I want more dynamics!

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: This is also unpopular, but please don’t officially pair her up with Wash? I don’t care whether she ends up in a straight-passing relationship. I don’t care about Tuckington. I just want their beautiful relationship to stay platonic. But if it does happen, Rooster Teeth… DON’T YOU DARE CONFIRM THEM BEFORE GRIMMONS OR I’M COMING FOR YOUR ASSES*

5 words to best describe them: determined, strong, competitive, tunnel-visioned, protective

My nickname for them: I know everyone calls her Lina, but I always call her Carolina. I’ve tried using the nickname but it just doesn’t feel natural for me personally. My tag for her is //floor is lava undefeated champion

*for legal reasons this is a joke. Also, for personality reasons the most you have to fear is a strongly worded email about how disappointed I am in you.

[flower-zombie-rob]

✨600 followers✨

Wow

Like actually wow oh my god this is insane. I never even imagined getting far enough for ten followers when i started out, let alone 60 times that! Jesus Christ! I mean where did you all come from?? How'd you stumble upon my tumblr and decide it was worth a follow? That amazes me so much like how is this even real!? To be closer to 1000 than 0, what the heck!?

Thank you

Monumentally, thank you. This honestly means so much to me. To see and get compliments on the happiness people get from my art, to know how far ive come and how much ive improved. To see me reach the same kind of numbers as the increadible artists, talented editors, and captivating cosplay bloggers around me. To know i have this many people on my page because of what i make is mad! Though of course, it isnt just me. I couldn't have ever done this at all without the support, love and care that every single one of you has given to my blog. We reached this together and i cannot thank each and every one of you enough for helping us get here. This is a milestone i never im my dreams thought i could reach.

Thank you for sticking with me through my progression, my improvement, ive grown up with you guys supporting and helping me. To those who stuck here and saw me improve, i thank you so much for everything youve helped me achieve. To new bloggers or those with little followers, take it from me, dont ever give up on it. Whether you have no followers, 10, 50 or even 100 there will be people that discover you and stick by you to watch your progression. People to admire your talent and people to support your passions so dont give up on it, i didnt think id be anywhere near this number, but here i am making a 600 follower milestone post! Gosh!

Thank you. Now usually with these kinds of post i go through and tag every one of the 600 followers, but im going to be seriously honest with you and say that i dont think i can! I'd be making a very long list of names, a lot of drafts, and god knows how much time it would take! So for this one i think im sticking with just a big thank you and bless you all for the love and support. i love you all, stay strong, be you, happy pride month, thank you.

❤💙💚💛��🖤

P.s: to anyone that read this far, i will be holding an art raffle for this!

[pizzahutchan124]

Do you see this pic? I Took it on the 3rd of April to show that I've been saving money since last year. I only recently cashed that in two weeks from today. It came out to $106 subtotal.

I would've updated abour this earlier but.... truth be told I'm dipping my toes into plenty of lakes, rivers, ponds and oceans with seemingly little to show for it at the moment. I'm running an art blog now, and I'm building both a financial and artistic portfolio. I'm getting tons of leads on job opportunities in both social services and backstage tech work, which means I gotta revise my resume to fit the position titles as well as follow up with the respective hiring staff. My extended family is always checking up on me, making sure me and the folks I live with are ok (they're all sweet like that.) Ultimately I would like to craft and create more art, whether that be in writing, yarn crafting, sewing, woodworking or experimenting with traditional and digital drawing. Of course, that means I have to renovate my space so that it flows with a creative and productive atmosphere while maintaining a cozy yet friendly living environment for me and my loved ones.

You dunno what that means? Yea, neither do I. I'm figuring it out as I go, but it gets hard when the people closest to you want results NOW. NOW NOW NOW. Otherwise you're a fookin lazy good-fer-nothing, haha. I got so many irons on the fire right now it's not even funny....

On top of all of that, I dont know what to do with this blog. Ive been doing research here & there and the people in the big leagues say that you gotta stick with ONE topic and/or interest so that not only your blog remains consistent, but your followers know what to expect from you thus remaining engaged on your platform. That's some quality advice for growing a wider audience, but heres the thing- I can't be asked to just dwindle down my posts towards a single topic. Maybe that worked for my ancestors in the past but I'm lucky enough to live in a First world country that encourages free thinking provided that it doesnt limit anyone elses liberties. This is a space where I can explore multiple options, opinions, pathways and idealogies, even the shitty ones if I were as bold as I used to be. In short .....

I AM A MULTI-FACETED HUMAN BEEEEEEEAN.

I used to be a self proclaimed potato; however, things change with time. So do people- we become remixes of what we used to be. Sometimes we become better people for it. Sometimes we don't. And that's ok, so long as we're honest with ourselves about what we're doing to hinder our progress in this lifetime. I think I'm making strides in being more reflective and introspective in that aspect.

Im not sure what this means for the long term future of this blog. I originally made this during a time in my life when the internet was filled with opportunity and promises of a better life. Since then I've become more aware of how the world works and thereby more cynical to the beliefs I once held as a 16 y/o 𝓭𝓲𝓼𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼𝓮 𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓱𝓾𝓼𝓲𝓪𝓼𝓽. I'll just continue to post things that are informative to my needs and likes and hope that it'll reach the people it's meant for. Unfortunately that means I gotta work on trimming the fat on this blog. I've made side blogs for this reason, but havent gotten around to utilizing them. That's gonna be a big project for me at some point down the line. Only God knows when I'll get around to it.

Here they are if you wanna browse through them-

a Blog filled with master posts, references and tutorials on stuff

another blog filled with fanart from some amazing folks

Based on the actions I'm currently taking, I can see myself absolutely vibing within the next 5 years.

You can expect me to reblog posts on my main fandoms (mainly yugioh, pokémon and hazbin hotel/helluva boss), commentary on our society at large (uh oh, OPINIONS 😱 so scary), theories and lore based on the fandom(s) I'm in. Ngl I also become enamored with 2d characters from time to time so perhaps I'll get around to making character analysis posts. That's a big MAYBE tho. I'll also post about Cooking, economics, Psychology, personality archetypes and certain spiritual concepts like feng shui, the different kinds of astrology, mythos from different religions (Buddhism, Catholicism, etc), productivity and/or life hacks. I'm also a slut for tropes, Hence the #Tropes tag I made 😁

And finally, I will be making more original content irregularly from when "the motivation strikes me" to "when I feel my ideas/drawing/writings/musings aren't complete hot dog water."

See you in the next post maybe

[dyxnamicart]

my stupid highschool oneshot thing

look im not a writer, (I used to be when I was fourteen, haven’t done it since then so ya know, you dont use it you lose it lmao)

Anyways this has been highly requested that I post it, im a bit mad because its not exactly how I wish their dynamic was, I’m not great at writing banter (or anything i’m an artist now plewse) but ya know Also DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction, it in no way reflects real life Dan and Phil (In fact my au switches up their personalities a fair bit) and do not tag them okAY P E O P L E They dont wanna see it and I dont want them to see it (Even if this isnt a particularly shippy piece lmao people are getting very angsty as of late) I also don’t have an editor so sorry for any mistakes  Anyway here ya go heathens 

Dan didn’t notice the opposing teams jock barrelling towards him, not until his leg had swept under his own, causing him to fly through the air, ball no longer in his possession. 

In fact it all flew by in a matter of seconds. Dan didn’t really have time to process exactly what was happening until he felt the shock of pain that travelled up his wrist and down his arm as he landed heavily onto it, crying out as he rolled once or twice before coming to a stop… He couldn’t really tell. There was a whistle blow, but the bustling around him seemed dull in comparison to the loudness of the pain in his wrist. 

He hissed as he was righted, pulled up and put steadily on his feet, being ushered to the benches, it only felt like five minutes before the game was back on course, bar Dan to be left on the sides, a few claps on the back from his teammates as he let his head come down from the spinning it was doing. 

The nurse on staff did a pretty shoddy job of bandaging, but to her credit she did ask if he wanted an ambulance. If his dad knew an ambulance was called because he hurt his wrist... he didn’t even want to imagine the searing look of disappointment he would receive. 

So he just declined. 

The game was one of the final ones of the season, they were playing against the local private school, which had a surprisingly amount of suspiciously beefed up kids, though with private school money Dan wasn’t surprised they probably had some ins with the law and extra ‘help’. 

He really wanted to play in the final, in fact his coach had even been considering him for the team, not that Dan was amazing at football, but he wasn’t the worst. He was passable at best, probably why his parents weren’t here right now to witness the semi, something he supposes he should be counting his lucky stars for now he had an injury as mediocre as a sprained wrist, but now there was a nagging pull in his gut of his own disappointment. 

He waited out the game on the bench, figuring he should at least be there for his team for the results, even with a sprained wrist he didn’t want to run away without at least talking to a few of his mates afterwards. 

-

Phil didn’t see the tumble. 

He was perched up in the bleachers, trying to ignore the way the mild and darkening sky had began to stew whipping winds that tore right through the threads in his sweater, by sketching insurmountable things he could see. 

He didn’t usually go to games, not only was it not his scene, but he would either end up insanely bored or find his eyes following Dan Howell’s god damn limber body. But this was the semis, and he totally wasn’t here to occasionally glance at a certain panting number 91, he at least wanted to show his support for the school. It wasn’t his fault this game was boring and his sketchbook looked far more inviting. 

He only looked up when there was a big murmur and gasps coming from the crowd around him, and he couldn’t see who it was at first, but there was a boy sprawled on the ground. 

It didn’t take long to figure out it was Dan, and his eyebrows furrowed deeply, closing his sketchbook and shoving it into his bag. He ended up walking down a few rows in the bleachers, just trying to see if the daft idiot was okay, and he sat down again much closer. The nurse did an awful job at bandaging his hand, he could see that from here, and he would have to fix it after the game. Well.. he didn’t have to, of course, but he figured Howell was too much of an airhead to fix it properly and as much as the other grated on him he at least wanted him to be comfortable. 

When it came to the end of the game, Phil’s school lost, and there was a brief celebration for the other school as they paraded off the field, while Dan’s team just huddled around to talk to the coach and then walk to the locker rooms, obviously trying to act casual even if they had essentially just been eliminated from the finals. 

Looking around, a lot of the families and students were milling out, many of them disappointed by the outcome of the game.  

This was their star team, and there had been a surprisingly large turnout for the event, to have it all end this anticlimactically felt a bit wrong, if he was being honest, even if sports definitely weren’t his thing. 

Phil headed down towards the locker rooms, some of the boys were already heading out, chatting and bumping into each other as they walked. Boys were talking, over half of them shirtless. He tried to avoid looking at them, while Phil had come to terms with his sexuality internally, he wasn’t out to his school, despite the obvious digs lots of the jocks and ‘cool kids’ would make. He wasn’t exactly subtle. 

Dan hadn’t noticed him, he was sitting on a bench and chatting to a teammate, but some of the boys closer to the entrance had. 

“Ay! It’s Danny’s little bitch, what’s new Lester?” A boy Phil knew as Jason laughed, throwing an arm around his shoulders, leaning heavily on him. 

Phil grunted, and shoved him off. “I’m not anyone’s bitch. Especially not Howell’s.” 

There was an ‘oo’ that rippled through the boys, and it was safe to say that Dan had noticed him. He furrowed his eyebrows, and stood up. 

“A teacher told me to help Dan.. carry his stuff with his hand like that.” He faltered off, because that half baked excuse really did make him sound like someone’s bitch. But by this point people were beginning to lose interest and ended up either packing up to leave or going back to chatting amongst themselves about a hot girl or something Phil honestly couldn’t care less about. 

Phil walked towards Dan, throwing on a mastered look of indifference and annoyance.

“What are you doing back here?” The brunette sighed deeply, running his good hand through his hair. “As if I don’t already get clowned on enough from seeing you during actual school hours.” He said dryly. 

Phil rolled his eyes. “I saw that sad excuse for a nurse ‘wrap’ your hand. I’ve seen children under the age of 4 wrap toilet paper around themselves better.” 

Dan groaned as he fell back to his sitting position on the bench. “Good deed Lester huh? You aren’t a guardian angel you know.” 

“Are you going to turn down actual help with that wrist, Howell. Seriously.” He dropped his bag on the ground, and knelt down, ignoring the few whistles he got from the people still in the room. 

Dan rolled his eyes as he looked down at Phil, arched eyebrow and holding his injured wrist with his hand, like he didn’t trust him. “Fine.” He sighed, setting his hand down on his leg, looking down at Phil with a suspicious and unless he was imagining it, flushed face. 

Phil carefully lifted the brunettes injured hand, frowning at the small pang of guilt he felt when Dan hissed in a sharp breath, quiet, as if being a little louder would shatter his reputation in one fell swoop. 

By now the locker room had basically emptied out, Dan’s mates sauntered away, hefting their heavy gym bags over their shoulders as their voices echoed down the hallway and slowly faded into the cool night air. 

Dan and Phil sat in silence for a few moments as Phil examined the bandage. Dan seemed to relax a little, and he allowed the feeling of calm to wash over them now there was no eyes examining their every move. The indifference and hostility seemed to drain from the air.

He didn’t know if it was the late night game or the lack of people, but he felt as though he was back before highschool, back before their fall out. Before their life became a series of quips and tension seeping into the fond memories he once had for the boy in front of him. 

“Why do you play, when you end up hurting yourself like this?” His question was genuine, none of the concealed fire that was usually behind his voice when he talked to Dan. 

Phil used his other hand to unroll the bandage. He had seen the first aid kit it came from, the contents being the single bandage, two band aids and a single cotton swab. Not the most ideal for a sport like this, hands on and physical, but their school wasn’t really known for their state of the art resources. 

Dan looked unsure of whether or not he should give a witty response or answer seriously. In the end he seemed too exhausted to spit out a clever one liner. So he opted for the truth. 

“I don’t know..” Dan huffed a breath out of his nose, like he was out of practice with talking about his emotions. “The guys are cool.. people like a jock you know?” He pauses for a moment, like he was struggling with whether or not he wanted to continue. “And I kind of want my dad to be proud of me? You know my dad. I want him to think.. I’m one of the lads. One of the boys.. not a royal screw up son.” He snorted, good hand rubbing the back of his neck like he was trying to play off his words as ridiculous. 

But Phil didn’t laugh. 

“Proud of you?” He repeated, slightly quieter as he slowly started to wind the bandage around Dan’s stiff wrist. 

Dan shrugged, looking away and seemingly focusing on a spot far across the room, like he was trying to be anywhere but here, talking to a friend who had been distanced by time and change. 

But Phil remembers, he remembers his curly brown hair bouncing around when he was excited, when he was jumping around playing cops and robbers, he remembers his loud and boisterous laugh and the way his cheeks dimpled and filled with colour. He remembers a time when he knew the boy in front of him more then he knew anyone in the world. When he thought Dan was his forever friend and that nothing would ever change that. 

Guess something changed. 

“You know I’m proud of you,” He continued, not looking up from bandaging. He could feel Dan’s eyes on him now, he could feel the incredulous and doubtful eyes bore into his skin, see into his soul. He didn’t seem to have expected an actual answer in response. “I’m proud of you when I see you play piano. When I see your eyes light up and when you lose yourself in the keys. When you recite dumb Shakespearen poetry and when you are on stage commanding the spotlight, when the only person who matters is you. That’s what I’m proud of. That’s what makes me think, THIS is Dan Howell. THIS is who he is meant to be. Not a shallow jock with a sharp tongue and attitude. I’m proud of the real you.”

He clipped the bandage pin on the end of the roll, now safely locked on Dan’s wrist, and he went to pull his hand away but was stopped by a hand placed over his. 

Dan’s eyes were how he remembered, not in way they were for the past two years, glazed over as he tried to cram his way into a puzzle he didn’t fit into, but filled with an unfathomable tenderness and something he couldn’t quite put his finger on 

They didn’t need to exchange words, the soft smile Dan gave him spoke a thousand words, making up for time that felt lost before now. 

He stood up, finally dropping Phil’s hand and grabbing his jacket off the bench. “Come on, I’ll walk you home.” 

-

Their silence was welcoming as they walked down the hall towards the exit. The last few years had been full of quips and jabs, fast insults and banter that sometimes toed the line as not quite friendly. This silence, it was new, but it felt right. Dan couldn’t quite understand, but there was a shift that felt comfortable. 

Dan had known Phil a long time, longer then anyone in this god forsaken school. He was quiet and reserved and he enjoyed painting and drawing. He was creative, and he didn’t care what people thought of him. He was unapologetically himself, and that was something that he only wished he could be. 

For the longest time it was him and Phil. Dan and Phil against the world, playing Mario cart and watching shitty movies, always at each other’s houses like they belonged together. 

Then high school happened.

The desire to fit in hit Dan like a ton of bricks. While Phil was content to remain a Mario kart loving geek, Dan couldn’t stand being the butt of the joke. He couldn’t stand his dad being disappointed whenever he brought Phil home to do something nerdy. As the years went by it became a sort of crutch for him and Phil to make snide remarks at each other as they passed in the halls, glaring across the halls and that’s how it stayed. 

Don’t get him wrong, he loved to see Phil riled up. He loved to see his eyebrows furrow together and his eyes roll. His arms crossed and his posture unimpressed. If anything that was his favourite part, the way his voice flooded with heat and passion, as he stared at him with the intensity of a bonfire. He loved to tease him and play his surprisingly short temper like a fiddle.

But he wasn’t attracted to him. No way. Phil wasn’t a pretty girl. He did NOT find his eyes pretty and the way his hair sometimes fell into his eyes and his hands didn’t itch to run his hands through it. 

He was straight. He had to be. 

His heart dropped a little, and he couldn’t explain why, but he looked over at Phil, who was walking beside him. 

They were outside now, and it was raining, not too heavily but enough to get you fairly wet. Despite the fact Phil was wearing a sweater and long overalls, he could see him shiver, the fabric of the sweater probably allowed the biting wind to nip tight through it.

He shrugged off his jacket, and gently wrapped it around Phil’s shoulders, forcing them to stop momentarily. The street light cast a soft light over them, and his eyes met the other boys, and for a moment they stared at each other, Dan watching as raindrop followed the contours of Phil’s face, a drop following his cheekbone and the slope of his jaw. 

He coughed, rubbing the back of his neck again as he started walking. “Okay okay, lets get you home, Lester.” 

“Are you sure you aren’t cold?” Phil enquires inquisitively as he sped walked a bit to catch up with him. 

He shrugged. “Still running on adrenaline I guess.” It was a lie, he was slightly cold. But it felt right, and he continued to walk with him in silence. 

Phil was holding the jacket around himself as they approached his house, and they stopped just under the porch, the light flickering on to illuminate his face. 

Dan stuffed his good hand in his pocket, and he clicked his tongue as Phil went to shrug off the jacket to give back. “Nah, wash it first, don’t want your nerd germs on my clothes.” Despite the insult, he found himself smiling warmly, and Phil too just chuckled. 

“Alright, I’ll give it to you on Monday or something, Howell.” 

Dan saluted as he turned to walk away, and he could feel Phil staring through his back as he walked back into the rain. They were only a street apart, but he knew that was going to be one long walk. 

[slut-for-fandoms]

Paint me yours (kth x reader) PART 1

Pairings: Artist!Taehyung x reader

Genre: smut, fluff, angst (in the following chapters) 

Summary:  You are an art college student who struggles with finances. Until one day, on an exhibition of the arising artist Kim Taehyung, when the same boy offers you a job as his model. Would it be just a simple job or would it complicate your life in ways you have never thought it would?

Warnings: none in this one (perhaps my bad writing and lots of mistakes?) 

A/N: So here is the first chapter. I really don’t know what to think about it as i haven’t written anything in more than a year (so sorry guys but now I am back, yey) I really do hope you like it and please let me know what you think and whether you would like to be tagged in the series ♥ Enjoy 

Euphoria. Excitement. Happiness. Exaltation. A complete symphony of colors and emotions. Blue, purple, violet, azure - blended in such a way that glues you to the masterpiece. At places it seems unfinished, raw, as though the creator has been in a hurry. But at the same time it is so detailed that you wonder how long it took him to create it. It represents a woman, or to be more precise, a young girl. Long hair composed with ochre, amber, honey and a hint of gold, covers half of her pale face. Her lips are the perfect combination of red, cheery, wine and auburn. An orderly chaos of colors.

While everything seems just as raw painting, the most capturing features are the eyes. They are so detailed and express the condition of the girl. The sparks that make her look tangible grabs you on a roller coaster of thoughts and feelings and somehow makes you even experience the same state.  I move to the next painting.

Sadness. Affliction. Pain. Torment. The contrast between the used shades is much deeper. Pale yet dark. The more I look at it, the more it captivates me. All of the creations I saw were beyond amazing, complete masterpieces but this one… This one is different. One look and I got this strange feeling in my guts when we anticipate something bad, something that might hurt us.

The background is composed of dark shades, while the girl is sculpted of the pale range of colors. Again, the most detailed parts are the eyes. You get the feeling as if a soul was trapped inside the drawn girl that shows how much she suffers. The more you contemplate, the more you assume that the darkness around her represents the cruel world, while the bright yet shaded colors shows how fragile and broken she is. Is it from the world? What destroyed her? Who made her look like a shattered vase which parts are no longer going to form its beautiful shape?

Holding my glass of champagne I took some steps back and sat on the settee opposite the painting. Thanks god it wasn’t that low as they use to be in other galleries. I crossed my legs which caused the hem of my black dress to roll up slightly. As an art student, I tend to visit many exhibitions in order to get inspiration, gain knowledge of the new and unorthodox styles and improve mine. I can’t say I am complaining as we are given free access to any kind of such events. This is beyond amazing as now I am contemplating the art of one of the rising artists – Kim Taehyung. Honestly, I have never seen him but the critics consider him the new Van Gogh and now I understand why.

When I came I was so uneven about it, all the people here were rich and classy and I, a broken student with a cheap dress borrowed from her friend, had no place here. Everything was out of my league and I felt like garbage disfiguring this place.

“You seem really immersed into the picture.”, someone chucked, bringing me out of my thoughts. I looked up and saw man in golden suit and two glasses of champagne in his hands. His smile was so bright, genuine, that it made me blush slightly, “May I?”, he titled his head towards the settee as if asking if it was free.

“Ye- yeah, of course”, I stuttered and put a lock of fallen hair behind my ear.

His smile grew bigger and he took the free seat next to me.

“Here.”, he gave me one of the glasses. I looked up at him confused, “I saw that you have already finished yours so…”, I looked at my glass which was empty. I might have stayed there for a way longer time that I have thought. I left the glass on the floor next to the settee.

“Thank you.”, I gave him a smile, although inside I was feeling embarrassed, “Very fond of you.”, I said after taking the offered glass.

“Well, I just wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I have left such a beautiful lady sitting here by her side. The champagne was just an excuse to approach you.”, I bit my lip and tried to hide myself due to the blush that crept on my face.

“You are even more appealing when blushing.”, okay, I have never believed I could become so red but here I am.

“Please, stop.”, I stuttered through the smile that just grew bigger on my face.

“Why?”, he tilted his head and asked me with that sweet smirk still placed on his face, his eyes never leaving my figure, “you don’t like honest people?”, as a response I chuckled and tried to gain my dignity and look at him. Why was I such a blushing mess around this… stranger…a handsome stranger?

“It is just that you are the first one to approach me this evening.”, a slight feeling of sadness made my stomach turn as I recall the events, pardon, the lack of them from this night. I started playing with my hands as something as pity overwhelmed me.

“Well-”, his deep baritone voice made me look at him. This time he was facing the painting in front of us which gave me the opportunity to survey him. Soft pink lips, sweet roundy nose, medium long light eyelashes. Skin in the color of bronze and a golden suit that make him look like a god. Aristocratic hands with long fingers, adorned with rings. The way he is holding the glass gives you the thoughts that a prince is sitting oppose you, “It is their lose.”, he states after locking his eyes with mine. And then I’m completely lost. They are just like the sad girls’ in the paintings – full of emotions. I see the same spark that leads directly to his soul. It captivates you. There is love, care, tenderness that make my heart skips a beat. But also you can spot something wild and intriguing. An abyss of feelings kept locked deep inside.

He took a sip of his champagne which caught my attention and made me break the eye contact. How could such a simple action as drinking makes me wanna grab the brushes and paint this gorgeous creature on the canvas?

“I can’t say I am complaining of that.”, I followed his movements and took a taste of my drink, “They seem like they are here only for talking. All of them are just chit-chatting and just at times spare a glance at the paintings. It – It just looks like a gathering of the rich and bitchy class.”, suddenly he burst into laughing. Oh that sound… It was like a soft melody for my years I could listen to all day. It was so infectious and addicting.

“What?”, I asked confused but with a smile plastered on my face.

“I couldn’t have said it more correctly. I’ve met everybody in the gallery and yet you are the only one contemplating the works.”

“Isn’t that what we are supposed to do on an exhibition? But apart from that, these paintings, these masterpieces…”, I took a breath like looking at the sad girl opposite me, “they are captivating. There is life in them, there is soul. Undoubtedly the artist is one of the best I’ve ever come across. Many have the ability to draw, few have the talent to create a masterpiece, something that makes you stop and think. And these here, they indeed convey more than a hundred words.”

“And where do you think that comes from?”, he asks me in that deep voice of his. I turn my attention back on him to see the man already looking at me with a stern expression showing nothing.

“The ability to make a painting live?”, he nodded his head in agreement, “Pain.”

“Pain?”

“Pain. It is always the pain. Why do you think the greatest artists are those who have suffered the most?  Sadness, sorrow, ache, agony… they are different than the other feelings. When something good happens to you, you are happy for a short moment. Usually those moments tends to be forgotten way easier than the moments that our soul was in pain. It is just that the affliction we bottle inside us ruins us in the end. The knots in our stomach, the suffocating feeling in our chest… they are tormenting us and we all need a way to express them somehow, to try to get them out of us. And the answer is always the art. It doesn’t matter whether it would be with a brush or a pen in our hands, if we are going to compose a poem, song or just draw something.  We just want the pain away. For its tight fist around our hearts to weaken, for its dark thoughts to leave us at peace at night, for the tears to stop rolling down and choke us.”, I paused in order to take a sip of my champagne, feeling his eyes following my movements, “That is one of the reasons why I like this one so much.”, I continued pointing at the work before us, “It look as if not only the model had been sad, but also the artist.”, when I turned around he had a sad smile on his face. For a moment I saw the abyss – full of sorrow and regret, pain and affliction.

“You can’t be more right.”, and once again, as he looked up, the door to his soul closed with that stern expression, “That is why I don’t know whether I like this work or not.”

“It recalls a bad event?”

“It recalls the day I painted her.”

My eyes were so wide that surely they were going to pop out of my head. I opened my mouth, then close it, then opened it again. I was so shocked that I could say nothing.

“I still remember how heartbroken she was.”

“You- you are the artist?”, my voice raised an octave higher and I cursed myself.

“Surprised?”, he asked smiling at my shocked expression.

“You just caught me off guard.”

And then the rest of the night kind of slips my mind. I don’t really know how long we’d been talking through various topics. Whatever felt like hours had only been half an hour once I saw the watch on my hand.

“Unfortunately, as a host, I need to make a speech. It was nice to meet you -”

“(Y/N)!”, answering I took his hand as he helped me get up from the settee.

“(Y/N).”, he said tasting my name and I could not miss the way his tongue rolled and the deep voice that sent shivers down my spine, “A beautiful name for a way more gorgeous girl.”

“Why are you trying to make my blush so hard?”, I asked trying to hide my face.

“I don’t know. I just like it.”, he shrugged with a smile, “Can I ask you something, (Y/N)?”, is it just me or he just lowered his voice on purpose while saying my name.

“O-Of course.”, out of nervousness I started playing with my own hands which only made his smirk grow bigger.

“Would you like to be my model, darling?”

[emotio-nality]

eleven questions game

thank you thank you to the lovely @s-yr ​!!

rules: answer eleven questions, make up eleven questions, and tag eleven people

what are your fav animals?

i adore elephants and bees and lil kitties and pups omg theyre so cute!! like, even though im kinda scared of dogs, i do adore them. but yes, bees, hell yeah theyre so cute, just buzzing along, making the world a better place, doing their best, i love them what are your fav subjects/ area of focus in study????

i really really enjoy ancient history and art,, i think those are two of my favourite subjects atm. and im enjoying german too, although im starting to lose motivation for it, which is kinda disheartening, but hopefully i can pick my motivation up again, along with my grades hahaha who are your fav artists?

oh my gosh, this question is so difficult L but ahhh lets see, ofc the classic van gogh bc lets be honest, ive adored his works for so long. also love john william waterhouse, his paintings are so enchanting and yeah, i cant think of anyone else at the moment though ahh

who are your fav music artists?

Oh boy, of course Lana Del Rey is one of them, you can’t expect me to not mention her hahaha. atm im also really digging Tunde Olaniran, LANY, (I only recently found her but shes incredible) Ivy Sole, and there are a whole heap more that I cant think of at the moment who is your fav internet personality/celeb?

tbh im so out of the whole internet personality thing and i don’t know all too many celebrities, so im just gonna say either lana del rey or amandla stenberg or rowan blanchard bc theyre really important and vocal about issues in the world and its really important esp due to the political cimate at the moment how would you want to be described as?

i would really love to be described as the girl who is really friendly and nice to people and also perhaps the one who makes people smile or has good taste in music or whatever hahaha, tbh if people are talking about me, i don’t really mind what they say, as long as its not something horrible or fake how would you describe yourself?

id describe myself as someone who is still learning to be their best self. switching to third person bc why not but yeah okay, id say that nadya was someone who is extremely clumsy, god she needs to learn how to exist without walking into a door or tripping over air, a hopeless romantic who is always in the mood for something hella cheesy, romance is good okay, love is nice, and yeahh? what is your fav social media platform? why?

im gonna say either instagram or tumblr. instagram bc i love seeing all my friends post stuff and looking good and all that, and tumblr bc i feel like i have the freedom to post what i want without the judgement or concern of any of my friends. which sounds weird i know, but yknow, it is what it is who has been an important influence in your life?

to be completely honest, im going to say my english teacher and the english hod at my school, because i feel like both of them have pushed me in directions i wouldn’t really have gone if it wasn’t for their nudging and in some cases forcing me into certain situations, bc its actually really helped me to grow as a person and into what and who i am right now, even though a lot of it wasn’t exactly massive, t was all kinda big for me what do you look for in potential love interests?

kindness!!!! for real this is so important to me, as well as respect for your decisions and actions and beliefs, bc they could just as easily slam everything you do and make you feel like shit  and that’s just so horrible. but yeah, kindness, respect, intellect, and humour! (also a side note is that they don’t support trump or any assholes like that) how/what do you want to be remembered as/for?

kinda don’t really mind if i don’t get remembered for anything, but i would like to be part of something that leaves a lasting positive impact on people and the world. super simple, but im not really a complex girl 

okey dokey, so my eleven questions are:

1. if there were only three things you could take with you to a new country, what would you take? (the essentials such as money and clothes are already packed)

2. what is the one thing you regret most in your life?

3. if you could do any five things before you died, regardless of cost, what would they be?

4. what colour would your name be?

5. if you had a superpower of your choice, what would you choose and why?

6. what is your favourite movie, and without giving away any spoilers, why is it your favourite?

7. if you could only eat four things for the rest of your life, what would they be and why?

8. who was the last person you said ‘i love you’ to (whether in text or in person)

9. what are your top five songs at the moment?

10. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? or been confessed to?

11. what do you love most about yourself? (please dont just say that there is nothing you like about yourself)

eleven people: @aqueerhedgehog @theowlqueenie @tomorrown3verdies @honeybee-fuzz @nephelei @communityoutcast @alacritatis @rebel-dandelion @lookalike5516 @patheticelizabeth (its okay if you dont want to do this! please dont feel pressured to if you dont want to. also if you havent been tagged, but want to do this, please feel free to say that I tagged you 😊)

[ellrond]

Fave Thomas headcanons, pls.

sorry for the late reply!! this has been in my inbox for like a week but i wanted to give it the attention it deserves!! 

also i dont know if you’re asking for fandom headcanons that ive noticed or my own, but seeing as how i havent seen that many (none actually really spring to mind if im honest) this will just be an incomplete list of my own thomas headcanons unless otherwise stated

(disclaimer: of course it’s very difficult to have an original thought these days, and if you’ve seen these headcanons anywhere else, know i’m not trying to pass someone else’s idea off as my own, it just so happens that i have come to a certain conclusion that another person has, without me even seeing their posts. two people can have the same ideas without ever having any sort of interaction or seeing their posts alright alright glad we got that sorted)

fandom headcanons that r great and i fully endorse 

thomas is gay. he absolutely adores miranda and they share a sex life (whether that be through group sex, mutual masturbation, or straight up one on one sexual activity) but he is a homosexual man

thomas is a top. this one the fandom seems to be agreed on. bottom thomas?? i dont know her

he doesnt like wearing his wig much it is itchy 

my own headcanons

during elections he cast his votes for the Whigs rather than the Tories and should he have ever stood for office in the lower house would have done so as a Whig (the less right-wing of the two political parties during this period of British history) but believed party politics were dangerous and detrimental to the greater good of the country. He saw the dangers of the laizze-faire attitude the Whigs had and their sometimes aggressive anti-Catholicism disturbed him although sometimes the way he has been raised means he lets anti-Catholicism come into his line of thinking (as seen when things get heated with him and pops). That being said, he was, perhaps unsurprisingly, a royalist and had Tory tenancies (I think it’s safe to assume there was little love in Alfred Hamilton for liberalism, and I’m sure Thomas was raised a Tory) in that regard. Thomas was born very close to the time of the Glorious Revolution and with his family being an old aristocratic one, conservatism, in one form or another, would have been in his very bones.

tl;dr ^^ he’s a liberal who dislikes party politics and subscribes to ideologies from both sides of parliament 

he’s a genuine believer in God and in Christ. He knows his scripture (he must be quoting the bible more than hes saying his own original thoughts in the show probably gfgdgfd) and Christ is important to him. He bases his life around Christ’s teachings - that’s why he’s so kind and so concerned with forgiveness and redemption and hope. He rejects the violence and hatred found in other parts of the Bible and has a great love for the gospels instead and finds his strength in Christ’s words about love and kindness and charity and forgiveness. He believes that to be a good Christian one must above all else be kind. He also highly values the lesson of the Good Samaritan (surprise surprise said no one ever) and reminds himself daily to never judge someone else for the life choices and decisions. 

his mother was just as bad as his father. I’ve seen people suggest that thomas’ mother must have been an angel to balance out the devil of alfred for thomas to have turned out so good and im calling bullshit. someone with two mean-spirited and cruel parents can absolutely be wonderful people, and in thomas’ case i believe it was the distance of his parents and their disdain and judgement of the world and unkindness that made thomas quite the opposite. he saw the mistakes they were making and learned from them. 

we know he went to eton. he deffo started kissing boys at the age of 13 or 14. he’s been a heartbreaker since teenagehood. 

he’s around 30-35 when we see him in 1705 (less a headcanon and more a lazy estimation similar to ones hundreds of other people have made) 

he enjoys sex a lot. he’s had a number of sexual partners most of whom were of the same social standing as he and he’s been in love before he meets james. he’s never loved anyone like james though. he believes james is his soulmate

he is caught between thoroughly enjoying high society life with all of its frills - the fashion, the music, the art, the luxurious houses and exuberant interiors - and feeling guilty about being so rich whilst others have so little in comparison. he’s not perfect, and so he lets himself enjoy the glamour of aristocratic europe without trying to give it too much thought. 

it’s canon he’s a Big Thinker and was homies with other Big Thinkers (he probs fucked half of the enlightenment giants but thats for anotehr time) and I Think he’d spend a lot of time Thinking about Big Things you know like ??? would educating the masses be a good thing?? child labour, huh whats that all about is that worth it?? why are some people entitled to more simply because of who they were born as? and what even IS class? and other big questions politics and sociology and criminology and philosophy and economics and history students spend £9k a year thinking about lmao (tag urself im tragic politics student still cryin over the overlooked work engles did for yrs n yrs oh fred you was done so bad i lovE YOU) 

crazy horny boy have james wear a butt plug during dinners with alfred lmao oh tomhas you wild thing