#i havent stopped crying after reading this and writing the response so im.

[iloveslllycatss]

## "𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐏𝐀𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘"

𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ! 𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘺 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘴 ! 𝘍𝘖𝘙 𝘔𝘓 𝘏𝘈𝘉𝘐𝘉𝘛𝘐 𝘕𝘈𝘋𝘖𝘖𝘕 @sttarzxx 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬, the paraghraph text and response to it was copy and pasted from me and the dude this happened to me withs chat......... 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ! 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵 2 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧, 𝘋𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘐𝘕𝘚𝘐𝘋𝘌 (𝘫𝘬)

"im gonna do it. im gonna text him."

you were on vc with your best friend. for context, you had a crush. a MASSIVE crush on a boy named robby. you had liked him for 2 years now, the only bad thing? you guys were barely friends. you guys had a class together, and he would always talk to you (hed call u weird when u declared you were spiderman.).. all until you left school for second semester. you hadnt seen robby in about 6 months, but you still liked him (attachment issues go hard). u guys used to text, too. itd mostly be u texting with double chats and him replying in a dry way... but u still liked him AHAHA, so 2 days ago.. you asked your friend for his number...

"hey"

you texted, and he replied right away

"hi"

after that, you guys had texted for 5 minutes, asking things like "hru" or "wyd" until he finally said

"who even are u?"

your eyes widened seeing this, and you were a pussy, so you said

"im f/n (fake name)"

you guys, for another day kept texting back and fourth.. the only thing is, you acted like u didnt have a clue who he was, what he liked, and what he did.

"i do karate, i think its cool to have balance in your life and karate gave me that."

..... you already knew that, but you couldnt help but act like u didnt.

it was like u two havent met eachother. but little did u know, he was observant as fuck.

"you know u remind me of someone, u text the same as her. her name is y/n"

he said, and ur eyes widened. u couldnt believe that he had memorized your texting style. but you were a pussy, so u denied it.

a couple days go by and u guys still text, you overthink everything he says and you were starting to think your friends were getting tired of you ranting ab it to them all the time. there was this one time where u two had been talking, and the convo? it wasnt good. at all.

"k"

he said, and you furrowed ur eyebrows...

"WYM K?? THATS LIKE THE DRIEST MESSAGE EVER"

....

"yeah ik"

...... what? you couldnt believe it. was he bored of u already? were u being too annoying? were u just a bother?

your heart sunk, and u felt ur knees go weak. not weak in a "i just folded" typa way, but in a "im gonna kms" typa way.

your thoughts kept flooding with things like "i just annoyed him" or "he doesnt want to talk to me anymore." and you wanted to cry.

you start to rant ab it to your friends, balling ur eyes out as u do, you were in ur head about it, letting it get to you. your hands trembled as u typed about it to your friends. you had always been insecure about your personality, not wanting ppl to see u as too much or crazy. so u finally replied to him.

"ok"

its been 15 since youve been on delivered (or read, he didnt have read recipts on)

u desperately wanted to talk to him so u sent anotyher message

"hihii"

when he replied, you got so happy u forgot about the fact that you were crying about him the night before. but the thing is, he would leave u on read the whole day, and it stressed u out.

everyone had been telling u to just tell him who u were, and to stop being a pussy. hell, even snap ai wasnt on your side. so u write a paragraph, wanting to send it to him

"hi robby, so ive been feeling kinda bad recently for this and i hope u forgive me and that this doesnt ruin our 'friendship' kinda thing going on, basically i lied ab like a couple things and i feel bad IFDJNEJN so uh im y/n (u guessed right kinda craz) and IK I LIED AB NOT KNOWING B/F/N BUT I FELT LIKE ITD BECOME AWKS and stuff, f/n is my online name since ion give my real name out (and its a nickname my freinds call me), im sorry for acting like i didnt know who u were i was just being a pussy difjejfn but the truth is i asked b/f/n to send me a bunch of (school name) numbers and u was like the only person (other than 2 girls) who texted me back and I DIDNT KNWO IT WASS U AT FIRST but when u told me who u were i didnt know how to keep the 'friendship' going (r we friends??? idek atp) nd ik this is gonna make everything awkward and stuff but uh yeah im really really sorry for lying 2 u and i hope we can still b friends lol (ts up 2 u//im coming back next year too so idk if that helps EKJFNEIJNF)"

SENT !

... you were stressing atp, would he block u? would he be dry? would he ghost u? say "oh ok"? call u weird and tell everyone?

you didnt know how to feel, you wanted to cry. you were in ur head about this whole situation and u couldnt help but overthink. so u turn to your best friends, wanting-- no, needing reassurance. they continue to tell u its okay and that he wont break your heart. but you cant help it, that feeling. that feeling of your heart sinking, the feeling of the lump that forms in your throat, the feeling where you just want to feel better. but you cant. you were paranoid. you were tearing up. but you forced yourself not to cry, u didnt wnat to be a crybaby, but u couldnt help it. the tears had already formed and started to fall, your vision fogging up and your eyelashes wet. you couldnt believe u thought ur lifew could be like a wattpad love story. you were cracking your knuckles and picking at the skin around your cuticles, something u did when u were stressed. you then went to bed, hoping everything would be okay.

the next morning u wake up. the first thing u do is check every other social media and dm before his, you had a feeling he was gonna make u cry (again).

when u finally open the text, your whole expression lights up.

"I mean I suspected it and I am personally fine with the lie you told and yea I can forgive u but as you know I am a dry texter"

you were so happy. u couldnt believe it. you quickly change his contact name back from "oh" to "ROBBYYY! <33" and you smiled so big your jaw started to hurt

maybe there was a chance.

@/ilovesillycats

plz dont copy my work 😞

[sinkableruby]

What are your thoughts on Tsubasa Tiger?

its good 👍

no im just joking imagine if that was the only thing i wrote for this after four and a half months of this sitting in my inbox wouldnt that be so funny like actually

anyway, better late than never!

tsubasa tiger is the ultimate culmination of tsubasa's initial arc. its her finally learning to protect herself, to take responsibility for herself, rejecting her angelic perfection for just being a person.

one of the things i really appreciate about it is that it's from her perspective, not from araragis. her growth is something she has to see through herself, and araragis (probably lessened at this point but id imagine still definitely present) idolization of her isnt the lens we need to see her from. we need to see her humanized and you can't do that so much through his pov, or at least you can't do it as much as you need to. cough cough nisioisin stop writing araragi pov so much cough cough

the OP has an uplifting, inspiring, "i'm going to take charge of my life" vibe. but im absolutely in love with the ED. i'm a sucker for those bittersweet songs that feel like they've captured something so pretty and painful about life and don't shy away from it. and what is tsubasa tiger if not that, taking on everything

the letter scene is wonderful, moving, and i love the visuals for it. there's an extended version (wow!) here, with subtitles and voice acting. it might make you cry be careful! i teared up a little bit

a scene i want to talk about in more detail is at the end, where araragi comes and saves her at the last second. i say saves her but. the series hammers in again and again that no one can really "save" another person. if the person being "saved" doesn't let someone else in, doesn't accept their help, then there's no way for them to be saved. the hanekawa who accepted and sat in everything that came her way just couldn't be saved. it's only because hanekawa fought with kako and decided to save herself first, that she was able to get araragi to save her, that she was able to buy enough time for him to come and save her. it's beautiful, and it makes it more beautiful when she returns the favor later :)

unfortunately this is an anime only discussion of it, and a brief one because its been a while since i wrote that post about neko kuro. i havent read the light novels... id like to read them someday because i'm told theyre very good. did you know she's bisexual. woah she's bisexual i didn't know that. sucks they cut that part out of the anime

[ffsg0jo]

Hii it's the anon who asked about JJK and a hijabi reader and I just read your piece on Gojo and omg MashaAllah it might be one of THE BEST pieces I read!! 🥹🥹

I don't even know where to start!! I was giggling and kicking my feet the whole time! MashaAllah your ideas were so original and creative and you wrote them so nicely and you nailed Gojo's character personality!!

For example it was so creative to talk abt how he would mistake us for doing a cosplay cause of similar experiences he had whilst living in Japan!

Here are other stuff that I just thought were👩‍🍳💋 (sorry it might be long :'))

- the abayas being expensive was too relatable and him buying a whole wardrobe is just soo him!! I loved that part!

- Gojo sweating in a tank top like an immigrant dad was not something I thought I could imagine but here we are. And I love it!!! Also the breezy abaya in summer was so relatable again :)))

The quick fire headcanons were amazing, especially:

- the terrorist jokes, he 100% makes them lmao

- stepping on our abayas on purpose like a child is soo him, especially if he didn't want us to go anywhere or something 😭

- and him having extra pins on his uniform just for us 🥹🥹🥹. I'm usually that friend and having someone else do that for me is justttt 🥰🥰.

Overall, just thank you so so much for taking up my ask, I sent it so quickly after reading your Ramadan work, I even forgot to check if you were taking any requests 😭.

I can't wait to read more!! Also not sure if you write for him, but I was wondering if you could include Sukuna to your list of characters for this? No pressure though!! :)

JazakAllah!!

- ⭐

i've been saving this ask in my ask box for so so long just because i wanted to keep it forever and ever and now i'm scared tumblr's going to delete it by accident. i hope you don't mind me responding to this really really late but i keep coming back to this ask every couple of days because it's just so sweet and i love you so so much.

you genuinely flatter me tooooo much. you're a writer's dream reader fr thank you so much for your kind words and i'm so glad you liked it so much.

i think representation in media is incredibly important and i havent seen that many muslim reader fics so i try to write as many as i can. they don't get a lot of engagement tbh but even if one person reads it and feels seen that's enough for me !!!

stop it you ask is making me giggle again for like the 100th time. every time i read it i feel so giddy and happy. honestly that's the biggets compliment ever. i feel like the way i write characters is a little ooc sometimes but you're so sweet to say that. i really really appreciate and i hope you like sukuna's one (when i eventually get round to finishing it and posting it).

also abayas are too expensive nowadays i could cry seeing some of the prices so now i wear a mixture of farasha abayas and long modest dresses that arent form fitting because they tend to be a lot cheaper.

I WILL DIE ON THE IMMIGRANT DAD GOJO HILL. IT DOESNT FIT HIS CHARACTER AT ALL AND IT'S STUPID I KNOW BUT I WILL DIE ON THAT HILL IT'S REAL TO ME !!!!!

ughh yes i love you for being that friends. backbone of our society for real !!!

honestly please feel free to send in any more requests you have, they can be literally about anything and i'd be more than happy to do it.

icl i was halfway through megumi's and i started wring sukuna's and nanami's but then i got caught up in writing other things that i suddenly got inspiration for. and the way i write is i have to focus on one thing at a time but i will hopefully post them soon inshaAllah. i was thinking of splitting sukuna into two parts as well, like true form heian era sukuna and a modern era sukuna too. but yeahh inshaAllah soon !!!

im so sorry to keep you waiting for a response and i hope you don't hate me ;-; i really really wanted to keep this ask forever but it's fine i have a screenshot of it anyways hehehehehe so i can read it back time to time.

i appreciate you sending an ask in so so much and genuinely you've made so many of my days by sending this in. thank you so so much and i hope you have a wonderful day inshaAllah. also wa iyakki my love and sukuna looks so good lmaooo. that's brother suleiman fr fr

wishing you the very very best and i hope you're taking care and staying safe inshaAllah <333

also here's a picture of mufti abdul ghaffur

[ibolyafagyi]

also crying cuz why didnt i submit my student film to that first film anim festival? a year and a half ago. suddenly my distrust in my own work is so painful. i havent drawn anything that i felt had weight since i finished tech school. i simply did not do anything with it bc i was afraid of adulthood. i even stopped ani altogether and focused instead of painting, partly to not even think about the opportunities that im throwing out the window.

ive had so little appreciation for my stuff in the context of communities and other people... i wish i pushed more. i wish i wish i wish. i wish i had people. its so hard. its no wonder its all so hard like this. its no wonder i feel stupid and empty and useless and cant draw even like i used to, let alone improve my stuff. cuz thats whats happening, ive kept waiting for my breakthrough and level up but this time its different, i just dont have any fuel left for making anything.

and im already thinking about how im gonna throw away my uni degree after im done with it, the very thing ive been working hard on since my last boat jump (and will for another 1,5 yrs). i do anything for a year or 2 at school and then im just tired of it. why are you like this! trying so hard and burning out so early. just before you would have any real rewards for your efforts.

i already feel this familiar emptiness, that okay i can understand and translate this text, i can read the literature and write an essay (/i can draw shit), im even good at it, but whats all this good for? its useless bc its me, im useless bc ill never do anything w this skill that im in the process of training. training for so long everyday w the expectation to do good, bc this is my purpose this is my "job" to do right now, but inside my motivation is withering away bc im giving up on using that skill bc i dont trust i can be an adult and do things in real life for real. of course i feel like shit. and my opportunities slip by bc i dont care enough for myself and my skills and values to grab them.

is it cuz everything is so easy for me and i dont ever have to do anything? i dont have to worry abt budgeting and groceries and cooking and cleaning and i have just abt no obligations or responsibilities for anything, anyone, not even myself. outside of doing good at school. i have no weight in this life. im overworrying bc i have no weight to comfortably push me down.

[queenangst]

1/? Hey Annie. You don't know me, but I just wanna say that finding you and your writing was a huge turning point for me. Before I found you, I never really followed any writers outside of ao3. You were the first writer I wanted to know more about. I fell in love with your writing, and when I saw you had a Tumblr, I followed you. It was a slow process for me, but following you opened me up a lot more to the fandom. You made me realize that creators aren't these unreachable entities.

They're people just like me. I started interacting with you through anon asks. I joined your discord (but I lurk alsjdlahd). I started following a lot more creators and interacting with them as well. My comments on ao3 hold a lot more meaning for me now because I'm more connected with the authors. I've been having a lot of fun. I even wrote my first fanfic. And it's all been because of you. I mean it when I say you're a huge inspiration to me.

I read your writing and sometimes I just have to stop and marvel at it. I remember a few(?) months back you posted a fic snippet on your Tumblr, but not on ao3. (Although you recently posted it as ch 4 of angst assortment). Anyway, I remember reading it and genuinely just wondering how anyone can write so well. It's funny too because I remember reaching the end of it, and seeing your tags say that you weren't really vibing with it. And I was like WHAT she didn't vibe with it!?

This was so GOOD!! THIS: "Fear deals him a blow to his gut, followed by a real fist" AND THIS: "Hizashi’s name fills the curve of his mouth" These are literally only three paragraphs in and they made me stop because, wow, what a beautiful way to phrase what could otherwise be mundane. You could've said like "Aizawa called Hizashi's name" or something but NO, HIS NAME FILLED THE CURVE OF HIS MOUTH I--- I loved this.

Idk if these are the best examples to show what I'm trying to say, but you have a way of writing that's just so... poetic. And I remember thinking that I would've missed that gem if I hadn't followed you on Tumblr. Listen, I know I've rambled, and you don't have to answer this ask cuz I know it's long as hell. I just wanted you to see this so I could say thank you. Thank you for writing. Thank you for sharing. And I can't thank you enough for inspiring me to write.

It's something I've always thought about doing but you were the one who gave me the courage to finally do it. And it's crazy that you're not even aware of the impact you had on me. I understand that sometimes it might feel like your work isn't reaching people. But it is. It's reaching. And it's changing people. And I'm so grateful for your writing, and just as importantly, for you. For your kindness and your humor, and every other part of you that you share with us. Thank you, Annie.

i- okay there’s- it’s a lot. in a good way but this is a lot and i’m sorry i couldn’t get back earlier but every time i looked at it i pretty much started crying so i’m trying to put together a coherent response now. 

nonnie, first of all- thank you. thank you thank you thank you, because this is something i really, really needed to hear someone tell me. 

i think it’s very easy for me as a person and as a creator to look at the things i’m making and to put them up and feel like i’m shouting into a void. i think it’s very difficult for me to understand how much i’m reaching people, the ways i could impact even one person. partly because i don’t see it. partly because i don’t let myself, because i can’t imagine that i could really reach anyone, putting pieces of me out there and thinking no one could ever feel my work as deeply as i do. or as much. 

and i will never really understand. i can only ever view my work as myself, as a creator, and i can never experience my work for the first time the way my audience does. 

it’s so hard for me to conceptualize, especially on the internet, that there are real people who are reading my fics and real people who love them and enjoy them and laugh and cry and wonder. 

everything you’re saying, everything you’re telling me - it’s bridging a gap. i think. i didn’t know you engaged with me and my work that way. i didn’t know someone could do that. i didn’t know i could do that. and it is extremely humbling and heartfelt, and it makes me so incredibly touched that i can reach you, and inspire you. a lot of times, esp with social media, it can feel like we’re all passing trains catching each other through the windows, and you might never meet or never interact beyond a certain point, and behind those windows are very real people who have thoughts and emotions. we see each other for a second but it could be a second that changes... a lot.

i create and i create and i create and i never stop and i’m always waiting and wondering and asking myself. sometimes i need that reminder too. thank you for that. thank you for telling me. thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me these asks, to express to me what you feel, what connection we have because it really really means a lot. more than you know. i’ve been struggling a lot, especially very recently, with this idea, and wrapping myself in my work. 

and i have a specific way of writing, too. a style i’ve developed that’s become mine, but like i said - i don’t experience it the same way. when i write about a name filling the curve of a mouth it is just something i’ve written, a way i have learned to describe things. but you sharing that made me stop for a moment and think that those things that i have gotten used to can be beautiful to other people who are reading them. 

i hope you are doing well. i hope you are reading this. and i hope you know that by sending me this you got a message across that was both wonderful and unimaginable for me to hear. 

please don’t stop making things. you’re doing great, and i’m very proud of you for that. please continue to use fandom as a place of happiness. please continue to reach out to creators, to the people who inspire you - because you reached me, you’re reaching me, and it was something i needed deeply and desperately. i’ve been crying the entire time writing this response. 

thank you. if there’s anything i can get across - thank you. thank you. 

[idk3453]

Mafia

Chapter 7

Mafia chapter 7 

You Can Run But You Cant Hide...

Hey guys!! sorry chapter 7 took so long to write, had a little bit of writer's block, along with some projects I needed to do for my class. But here is chapter 7! I am currently writing chapters 8 and 9! If you are new to the series Hi and welcome, those who are coming back, Hi and welcome back!.

Now, here it is Mafia chapter 7

If you havent read the chapters dont worry I will link it down below!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6

Synopsis: Elvis Presley, the notorious mafia leader of Memphis, Tennessee has the town on its feet. Fear, power, money, and women surround him and his Memphis mafia. But what happens when one day you stumble into his world? And he makes you fall in love with him? 

Elvis POV: 

I dont know what happened, one minute I was showing off my girl Y/N to my mafia, then the next Im tackling Lamar to the ground. It all happened in the blink of an eye. 

“Elvis stop!” “Let him go!” said Jerry

Each punch I threw connected with Lamars face. 

“That's enough Elvis, look what you're doing!” Jerry continued to yell. 

In a desperate attempt to reduce injuries to his face, Lamar used his arms as a shield, blocking my punches as best he could.  Blood stained my white shirt along with Lamar's face.

Feeling my arms being pulled away from Lamar, I kept trying to break free. kicking my legs every which way.

“Let me go! he needs to learn his place!” I yelled trashing and trying to remove myself from their grip on me.

“Elvis, I’m sorry!” Said Lamar. 

“Elvis, calm down, look at what you did!’ For god sakes Y/N is terrified!” 

The mention of her name snapped me back to reality. 

“Y/N!, Y/N, baby where are you?” 

“Shes gone Elvis, I had one of the men take her to your room. You should have seen her, she was shaking like a leaf!” said Jerry. 

“God damnit!” Slamming the wall with my hands. My hands were covered with Lamar's blood.

“I didn’t want her to get scared of me” running my hand through my hair. It’s a habit I formed when I become either anxious or upset. 

“Well, congratulations EP, you fucking just did!” said Jerry sarcastically. 

Looking at the scene I caused, Lamar's bloody face, crying repeating the words I'm sorry E, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry. I slowly backed away from my men and said “Imma head upstairs to check on her” “Jer, take Lamar to the nurse, I’ll see him in a bit” 

“Will do” 

And with that I quickly made my way up the stairs. 

Jogging, I got up to the top floor, the black padded doors greet me, but not the way I wanted them to. Slowly, I grabbed the door handles, and sweat dripped from my forehead. "What if I scared her for good." "how am I going to get y/n to trust me if she is scared of me." sighing I slowly turned the handle to open the doors to my room. 

“Y/N?” I said 

I waited for a response, but when nothing came after a few seconds I inched my head closer to my room.

"Y/N," I said again as I looked further into the room, I spotted her huddled in a corner, her knees to her face.

"way to fucking go, Elvis she hates you now," my conscious told me. those last three words haunting me "She hates you". shaking the feeling out of my head, I inched my way closer to her.

“Baby? I know this looks bad, but I did it for a good reason” I said. 

“Lamar needed to know his place, and he crossed the line making that comment.” 

I said making my way closer to her, Y/N still didn’t move nor look up. 

“Baby, please look at me”  nothing

“I didn’t mean to scare you” nothing again, y/n hasn't moved an inch.

“I Just have a bad temper” "My temper tend to get the best of me little"

I got as close to Y/N as I could. kneeling down in front of her, I pushed a few hair strands back. Trying my best to have her at least look at me. I don’t want her to think I’m some monster. 

“Baby, please look at me” 

"I'm terribly sorry" "It wont happen again, I promise"

"Like hell it wont", I muttered under my breath

Y/N started to look up at me, slowly lifting her head up from her knees. 

“That’s it baby, please look at me” 

As she slowly lifted her head up, I was so distracted that I didn’t notice her right hand, holding a vase. Y/N smashes it to the side of my head. 

Knocking me down on the ground, I tried to compose myself. Processing what just happened.

I looked up from where I was and saw she was running towards the doors.

“Come back here!” I yelled Blood dripped from my forehead. But the adrenaline was enough to pull me up and get me to my feet. running as fast as I could to stop her. Y/N was dashing past the door, making it down the stairs. Exiting the front door, out of Graceland and out of my reach.

“Fuck!” I said punching the wall thus creating a small hole in it. 

“JERRY!, LARRY!, CHARLIE!” I NEED YALL HERE NOW!” I yelled, my head pounding every which way.

They all ran from where they were to come find me. 

“EP what’s wrong?!” “Is there trouble?!” Said Charlie 

“Jerry starts the car, Y/N escaped,” I said almost breathlessly. "God damn that blow was hard." clutching onto the side of my forehead pulling my hand away, I saw a few drops of blood on them.

“Shit!, E how?!” said Larry

Annoyed I looked up from where I was starting at and said “DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST DO AS I SAY!” 

And with that, my men left and started to get the car ready. Quickly making my way down the stairs I winced as the effects of the adrenaline started to wear off. 

I finally made it past the stairs and reached the front doors of Graceland.

“She couldn’t have gone far,” I told myself. Graceland is in a secluded area, there’s no way she could have gone far. 

“Beep!” “Beep!” “You ready E?” Yelled Jerry 

“Yeah!Let's go find her! 

And with that, Jerry revved up the engine of my Cadillac Eldorado, me getting into the passenger seat, Larry and Charlie in the back seat, and Jerry as Driver. Jerry backs up the car harshly, and looking at rear view mirror, Graceland began to become farther and farther from our reach. And now it is off to find where my little runway has gone too.

"You can run, but you cant hide," I said silently as the hunt to find Y/N was on.

What do we think yall!

What do you think is gonna happen in chapter 8 and 9!

I wanna hear your thoughts.

Thank you @erutluve for the pics for the Mafia Fan Fics! I love them so much!

Thank you to @erutluv, @plasticfantasticl0ver and @natipooxx

I can't wait for y'all to read the next chapters! Stay tuned!

[books-and-dragons]

pegoryu (pre-established) post-interrogation hurt/comfort fic. has mentions of nightmares, trauma, and implied physical assault. unedited and for that i big apologise in advance

___________

okay!!! so this fic has been sitting in my drafts for months (lol what else is knew i know, shush i’m getting to the point) and i was supposed to post it on ao3 at the same time as i did a couple of others, however never got around to it bc it needed editing and im too lazy for that

likelihood is, i will edit and post to ao3 at some point, but it needs some BIG rennovations and i just can’t be arsed atm

so yeah, apologies for the shoddy writing in advance xoxo

but for now, i wanted to post it on here. today. as a sign of goodwill for the year to come. (ie. i own p5r, still havent played it, need to play it, and hope posting this will kick me into gear)

so, hope you enjoy!! and lmao if not it’ll just get buried as i start to revive this blog so,...win win?

In the first few nights since the interrogation, Ryuji stayed awake, listening to the fragile shudders of Akira’s breath in the night. So sensitive to every breath of air restricted by broken ribs, Ryuji hadn’t needed to look across the room, to gaze at the beaten figure on the bed, to know how his face was contorted in pain- unmasked in sleep.

He refused to so much as close his eyes until Akira’s breathing levelled out, still shuddering and restricted by pain, but deep enough to assure him that Akira was asleep. Only then, Ryuji allowed himself to rest.

Nobody else stayed the night. They lingered until the last train, crowded around the attic bedroom, gaze worriedly resting on Akira until the final second, where they’d leave with the accompanying chime of Leblanc’s door closing. But not Ryuji.

Ryuji, who had refused to leave Akira’s side since the moment he’d returned to their arms, beaten and drugged up, hardly coherent, but so relievingly and perfectly alive.

Akira hadn’t been alone since, Ryuji ensured that much. Torn over so much as going across the road for a bath, he couldn’t leave the other boy alone- something pulled at him to never let that happen, a pit of fear in the bottom of his stomach that pulled at his every nerve.

Maybe it had something to do with the nightmares, the visions of Akira lying broken on cold tile, at the mercilessly unrelenting hands of the police, the images of Akira lying dead, blood pooling from his head, the way the images seemed to haunt him even when awake- but there was no point reading into it. It wasn’t important, especially not now.

What mattered was that when he woke up, breath haggard and skin shining with sweat under the light of outdoor streetlamps, Akira never woke. Wasn’t even perturbed. 

Ryuji tried to be thankful for it, tried not to think about why Akira was suddenly such a deep sleeper. Ignored the puncture wounds on his neck, the bottle of painkillers by his bedside. Akira was resting, and that was enough.

Even if it didn’t make sense that, when morning rose, the dark circles under Akira’s eyes had grown. That he tried to muffle pained yawns behind bandaged hands, and begged for more coffee- even though Takemi had put him on a temporary ban.

Because Ryuji had seen him sleeping, watched the rise and fall of his chest as Ryuji reminded himself that Akira was alive and safe, it was the sight that lulled him back to sleep from a nightmare. So why did Akira always look so tired?

He tried not to let his growing concern show, there was already so much to be worried about, he didn’t want to add another. Especially not when it could be nothing but his own annoying thoughts.

It wasn’t until the next night, after a particularly painful and thorough visit from Takemi earlier that day, that Ryuji started to reconsider.

Blearily opening his eyes to the dark lighting of the attic, Ryuji didn’t need a clock to know it was well into the middle of the night, and that he’d been woken up from his sleep, again.

But it was weird. There was none of the usual constricting fear, the blind panic- he’d hardly even started seeing the figure of a beaten Akira surrounded by shadow, let alone begun imagining the worst. 

About to blame it on the lumpy and painful springs of the couch and try to fall back asleep, Ryuji caught it. Quiet, as if muffled by something, but just loud enough to penetrate through the silence in the attic and reach Ryuji: crying.

No. Not crying.

Sobbing.

Ice burning in his stomach, he carefully lifted the blanket and rose, wary of creaking springs and the sound of rustling fabric, towards the shaking figure on the bed.

His voice was barely above a whisper, carrying clearly and softly through the silence as he carefully extended an arm, not touching, only hovering, “Akira?”

The responding flinch broke Ryuji’s heart all the more, as a head rose from under the covers, bloodshot eyes wide and darting around the room in panic, hair wildly askew. 

Moving as slowly as he dared, Ryuji sat at the side of the bed, “Hey, it’s okay, it’s only me.”

As the mattress shifted under him, Akira froze. Muscles tight and unyielding, back as ramrod straight as his broken ribs would allow, the entire body braced for something Ryuji didn’t even want to think about. His gaze was distant, somewhere far away from Leblanc, from the blond sat right beside him.

It reminded Ryuji of his Ma, in the months after the divorce. Curled up together on the dingy bed, they’d cling to each other so tight even in sleep, waking up in the morning sweaty and sometimes a little uncomfortable, never minding because they woke feeling completely safe. But there were the nights when his Ma’s screams would wake him in the early hours, recoiling and shaking even in her sleep. Ryuji would sit upright and watch over her until sunrise, would try to pull her from the memories he knew haunted her. Haunted them both.

Looking at Akira, the striking familiarity of the situation made him want to hurl.

He didn’t move, no matter how strong the urge was to reach out and console his hurting best friend. Instead, he kept his voice quiet, just audible above the laboured sobs, and waited.

“You’re okay, Akira. You’re safe, I’m not goin’ anywhere, alright? You’ve got me, it’s okay-”

Slowly, the frantic scanning of the room stopped. Staring at the artificial yellow light that bathed Leblanc’s street, following it into the shadows of the attic, where dark figures seemed to fade away. The flash of blond in his vision, perfectly still, aside from the hushed mutterings leaving chapped lips.

Akira focused on that sound. It felt safe.

As Ryuji uttered soft words of reassurance, he watched the tension slowly leave Akira’s body. Shoulders slightly slouched, jaw unclenched, his lip was bleeding- but he could worry about that later. All that mattered was the softening of Akira’s lines, as he slowly came back to Ryuji.

Delicately as he dared, he reached out. Hand brushing against bruised skin, careful not to as much as press on the marred areas. For a moment, there was no response. He waited, watching the panic continue to leave until, slightly trembling, Akira’s hand interlaced with his own.

“Ryuji?” The hazed look in his eyes was clearing, staring at Ryuji with a newly discovered relief, which was quickly overtaken by shame, “Shit- I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up, just go back to sleep I’m fine-”

“Hey no, no man it’s okay, really-” Feeling Akira begin to pull away, Ryuji let his thumb run over the back of his hand, determinedly meeting Akira’s gaze, “I don’t mind.”

Akira opened his mouth, ready to retort and insist, but found himself silenced by the look in the other boy’s eyes. Ryuji’s hand was warm, and for a moment Akira forgot there were even any injuries there at all, thumb tracing over them with such a delicate touch he hadn’t known the blond to have possessed.

Staring into Ryuji’s eyes, he wondered at how they were always so open and unguarded, never with anything to hide- a true reflection of his best friend, passionate and honest to a fault. It was something Akira had often envied, that ability to always be his true self, to freely display his emotions. 

He almost took that back now, staring back into deep brown eyes. Eyes which so clearly reflected hurt and worry.

The raw concern so honestly displayed to him that, just in this moment, Akira decided he would allow himself to be vulnerable. Just this one time. Knowing that, as they had done for each other so many times before, Ryuji would never judge.

Hesitantly, Akira pulled his hand out of Ryuji’s and, ignoring the concerned look he got in return, allowed his hand to trace higher, around his forearm, pulling him closer with a silent plea.

As always, Ryuji understood.

Carefully reaching out, Ryuji wrapped his arms around Akira, pulling him to his chest. His touch is firm, but cautious of the bruising and bandages decorating Akira’s abdomen. Even then, careful as he was, the occasional shift sent twinges of pain up Akira’s spine. And yet, he found he didn’t mind- not when he was so surrounded by warmth and comfort and the steady beat of Ryuji’s heart just audible through his chest, that for a minute Akira feels like he can just forget-

Somehow, Ryuji shifts so they’re leaning against the back wall, Akira’s head resting high on Ryuji’s chest, ear pressed to his left side. Logically, Ryuji supposed now would be a good time to ask about what just happened, about the dark circles under Akira’s eyes and the fear still lingering when he caught sight of shadows in the room- but there would be other opportunities. When Akira wasn’t so damn exhausted and clinging to Ryuji like he’s the final lifeline holding Akira together. When neither of them would be waking up in the middle of the night, a frenzied mess, and worrying about suspicious strangers in public and carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.

Yeah, there would be other times to talk. But for now, Ryuji would stay with Akira and listen as his breathing mellowed out into deep breaths, as his grip on the blond weakened and he cuddled closer still, lost to the throes of sleep.

Ryuji will stay with him until the sun rises.

Neither of them were plagued by nightmares for the rest of the night.

[yanagiin]

CANCER

cancer- my chemical romance (covered by 21pilots)

relationship: tsukishima kei x reader

synopsis: she had cancer but he was oblivious to the signs. his last words?

warning: angst, illness, death, swearing, cheating

i don’t know the symptoms for cancer and this is my first fic so pls forgive me for any mistakes

“you have cancer.”

it’s been a week. a week shes known she was sick. sitting on her desk, her face buried into her arms, looking off to the side.

“how do i tell him?”

“tell me what?” y/n visibly flinches at the sudden voice of her boyfriend, kei.

“oh nothing!” she says w a fake smile. how is she supposed to tell him. what was she supposed to tell him. that her hair was falling out? that she was potentially dying? he just shakes off her unusual behavior and sits across from her.

“so are you gonna come by practice later?” he asks her.

“ah i can’t I have uhhh” she trails off, “grocery shopping to do for my mom!” truth is she had a doctors appointment, but he didn’t have to know. she didn’t want to be a burden. since when did she do grocery shopping the tall blonde thought.

this suspicious behavior has become a daily thing, he noticed that she would run off right as the last school bell rings. until one day he saw her get in a car with another guy. so that’s why huh?

hey kei wanna go mall later?

sent at 1:47

said boy stares at the text from his girlfriend. he knew she was cheating so why not have some fun right?

sure

y/n arrives at the mall and she sees girls swarming her boyfriend. she pouts, but doesn’t get jealous as she trusts he won’t do such thing. she waits till the girls leave to approach him. tsukishima has a smirk evident on his face.

“where do you wanna go?”

“can we go to the costumes and cosmetics first?” she says with a smile. the morning of she witnesses the hair already falling out faster than she expected. he shrugs and mentally grins to himself as he sees her smile dropping at his blunt response.

“why do you need wigs? need new hair to look pretty?” his words stung her but she hid her expression.

“why don’t you just tell him?” y/n’s brother said standing at the door way.

“i just want to enjoy the rest of my time with him w/out.”

“but-” he was cut off by his sister walking past him and shutting the door.

“want to walk me home?” she asked. he replied with a shrug, heading towards her house. they got to her driveway when he saw the same car. the same car she got in with another guy.

“oh no he’s still here...” she says with fear when she saw that her brother’s car still in the driveway. fear that he might expose her secret. tsukishima looks at her with disgust, but she was to worried to notice. “you can just drop me here i can get to the door fine! bye kei! love you” she says running to her front door.

it’s been a week, more hair has fallen out, she had gotten permission to wear hats and her hoods from the faculties as they knew about her condition. but her boyfriend has surprisingly not noticed but someone did. his best friend, yamaguchi tadashi.

“are you okay y/n-chan?” the freckled boy asked with a worried visage.

“I’m going to tell you something, but you can’t tell anyone. not even kei” she trusted the boy as if he was her brother. “I have cancer.”

two months ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. but in the last two weeks, tsukishima became more distant. she became worried and went to his practice after school.

“is kei here?” everyone stared at her as if she has grown a third head. hinata then walks up and says something that made her heart drop.

“oh he just left with his girlfriend, who are you?” of course they didn’t know about her. she never went to his practices, she was too busy with her appointments.

“ah okay. sorry for the interruption!” she bows and takes her leave to look for her boyfriend. but stops when she sees the blonde making out and groping a girl from class 1-5. watching as they touch eachother as if they can’t be disrupted by anything. her eyes filling with tears and anger. she walks up to her boyfriend and punch him square on the jaw.

“ow! WHAT THE FUCK” he shifts his attention to his girlfriend that is shaking her hand to rid the pain. the commotion caused the team to come out of the gym. “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING YOU SLUT?” he yells at her. she was taken aback. slut? “YEAH DONT THINK I HAVENT SEEN YOU SNEAK AROUND WITH THAT BOY TOY OF YOURS?!”

his insults being cutoff with a slap. the sound resonates through the wind. “FUCK YOU TSUKISHIMA KEI!” with that she runs off to the direction of her house. yamaguchi then steps up.

“ARE YOU FUCKING DUMB?!? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” punching the blond once again and grabbing his collar to bring his face close.

“IM DUMB?! SHES THE WHORE WHO FUCKING CHEATED!”

“SHES NOT CHEATING! GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN SKULL! SHE HAS CANCER, BUT YOURE TO DAMN BLIND TO SEE THE SIGNS! SHE COULDNT GO TO OUR PRACTICES BECAUSE HER APPOINTMENTS. DID YOU EVEN NOTICE HER HAIR FALLING OUT? SHE STARTED WEARING HATS AND WIGS BECAUSE YOU CALLED HER UGLY FOR BUYING WIGS! BUT NO. YOU DIDNT NOTICE BECAUSE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS BUSY FUCKING OTHER GIRLS TO NOTICE.”

by this point, the rest of the boys are pulling them apart.

“w-what?” the blond was appalled. she had cancer? the wigs, the hats, coughs and hacks. it made sense now. “b-bu-but who was that guy she rides with?”

“her fucking brother who came back from the states to see her!” yamaguchi shakes the boys off him and starts walking away.

tsukishima starts sprinting to the direction of her house. why didn’t she tell him? how would he have known if she didn’t tell him?

he comes to a stop, when he sees an ambulance drive off from her house. the tall boy knocks on the door to see her mom open the door. “where’s y/n?” her mother starts crying. and he knew.

“let’s go to the hospital” he looks to see y/n’s brother heading down stairs with a coat. the blond nods and gets in the car with the h/c hair male.

“she didn’t want to tell you yanno? she wanted to enjoy the time she had left with you.” the car ride was silent. when they got to the hospital, the two men quickly jumps out and heads to the front desk. as they entered they saw her fragile figure barely holding on. her lips are chapped. her color is fading fast.

it’s been hours when they’ve arrived, she still hasn’t woken up. tsukishima looks at the time and realizes visiting hours are almost over.

“I’ll be back, okay?” leaning over to give her forehead a peck and exits out the door.

but he never went back, he couldn’t stand the view of seeing her so delicate, so pale, so tired. it’s been weeks since he has last seen her. but he remembered that all she wanted was to spend time with him.

putting on his shoes he gets up and heads to the hospital. he arrives at the front desk and requests to visit y/n. he was met with the most dreaded words he never knew he would ever be met with.

“im sorry sir, but it says that she didn’t make it” the lady at the front said.

the day of the rosary came, he didn’t want to face the fact that she was actually gone. tsukishima enters her house and passes the strawberry shortcake he has brought to her mother. in the middle of the rosary he walks up to y/n’s room.

her room was decorated with anime posters and many plants. there was a cork board on the wall, photos of all their dates and her friends. on her desk was a framed selfie of their trip to tokyo. tsukishima resting his chin on her shoulder pouting while she holds up a peace sign with a big smile on her face. next to the picture we’re two dinosaurs. one is a brachiosaurus and the other is a triceratops. she would always say that the two toys were them and always kept the two together.

he picks up the framed picture and takes out the picture. he wanted to remember her. as he was taking out the photo a note slips out. he glances down at the note and read aloud,

“hi kei bae!! if you’re reading this you wanted to keep the photo right? anyways im writing this just in case anything happens to me. oh yeah i have cancer! ta da!! yeah yeah it’s not a good thing but hey, I wanted to spend all my time with you. so pls grab the picture with this and the box under my bed. there should be more photos for you. well i guess this is it. sayonara kei. ♡

-love y/n

he grabs the box under her bed to see all the photos she has take throughout their relationship. what broke him the most was a dinosaur post-it note on the bottom. it read “i love you my dino boy<3”

he never got to say goodbye, he was scared for the closure. he wanted her warmth, her soft lips against his, her angelic laughs, his shoulder to lean on. she was always there for him. his last words to her was not “i love you” or “see you later” he just wanted to hold her in his arms one last time. holding the pictures in his arms, crying his eyes out.

“sayonara y/n♡”

[farfromtommy]

no matter what (chris evans x daughter!reader) request

not my gif

request: Chris Evans scenario where his daugther comes out as bisexual? ❤️ Thank you, take care! 🥰

a/n: reader is about 17 in this! it is a reader insert!!! not everyone has an experience like this is fiction so please keep that in mind!  a long authors note at the end. jus me talking about feelings. i put a lil grey’s anatomy moment in there if anyone spots it :)

warnings: coming out to parent, overwhelming fluff 

word count: 1,300

masterlist

add yourself to my taglist! 

You were comfortable with who you were. You had learned to accept the way you were genetically wired. There was always that hesitation to tell anyone about your sexual orientation since everyone knew who your dad was. Only the people closest to you had known about you bisexual, but that short list of people didn’t include your dad.

He would accept you, you were sure of it. Your Uncle Scott had come out when he was just a little bit older than you were now. But maybe it was different for you? It was his brother coming out to him, not his flesh and blood. You are his kid, the most important person in his life. Could he think differently of you? This moment had been put off long enough. Something sparked a fire inside you and you convinced yourself that it was time to come out.

You sat at the kitchen table, staring at your hands in your lap for what seemed like hours until you heard the garage opening, the soft hum of Chris’s car, and your heart dropping to the pit of your stomach. You considered abandoning this mission, saving it for when you thought it out more, bolting up the stairs to your room before he could come inside. But the door being pulled open and the garage closing stopped those thoughts immediately.

Please be in a bad mood so I have an excuse to abort this mission, you thought to yourself before Chris walked into the kitchen.

“Hey, peanut! What are you doing here? I thought you’d be having your girl’s night with Jordan and Eliza.” He greeted you cheerfully, a surprised look on his face. He bent down and gave Dodger a greeting and moved further into the house.

Shit. Good mood. Guess there’s no backing out now.

“Jordan had something come up. She couldn’t have us over so we just canceled.” You said, resting your elbow on the table, propping your head up.

Every Friday you had a girl’s day after school with your best friends Jordan and Eliza. You drove to Jordan’s house together and ordered take out and watched movies or whatever random thing you could come up with. You had asked for a raincheck on girl’s night so you could do this.

“That’s a bummer. Looks like you're stuck with your old man tonight, peanut. Should we order some take out and veg out on the couch? I kinda feel like Chinese food.” He walked over to the drawer with take out menus and searched for the one he was wanted.

“Yeah, dad, whatever you want.” You hesitated before speaking again. “Before we do, can I talk to you about something? It’s kinda important.” You said, placing your hands in your lap and looking down at them. Chris turned around and saw you shying away from him.

He made his way to the kitchen table and grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to you. He pulled yours so your knees were touching and so he could grab your hands as a comfort. You were acting the same way you did when you told him about you getting your period in middle school, and when your asshole history teacher gave you a detention for mouthing off sophomore year. You acted this way when you were scared to say something, but needed your dad.

“Yeah baby, what’s up?” He said quietly, and non invasively. His heart started to pound a little faster, scared of what could have his baby so closed off and afraid.

“Before you start freaking out, I’m not pregnant and I didn’t kill anyone. Let’s just get that out of the way.” You cleared up, knowing what was probably going through his head. You chuckled at the breath of relief he let out at your statement. He exaggerated wiping sweat off his forehead and leaned back in his chair. He kept his eyes on you, raising an eyebrow to single you to keep talking.

“So I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for a while and uh, haven’t had the guts to say it. But today I felt like it was now or never so I just really hope you can understand me and what I’m about to say. I’m bisexual. And I’ve known for a couple of years now, maybe since the beginning of high school. But I know how you feel about it but I hope that me being your daughter doesn’t change your feelings about it or about me. I really love you and it is so important for you to know since it’s such a big part of who I am. I’ve hated feeling like I needed to keep it from you, but I’m finally ready for you to know. I’m gonna stop talking so you can talk.” You wiped a few tears that fell from your eyes and looked at Chris, trying to gauge his reaction.

He stood up after a few seconds and pulled you up with him. He grabbed your face and just looked at you.

“I just have one question for you.” He started. You sucked in a breath and nodded your head. “Are you still the person I raised you to be? Are you still the Y/N Evans I knew yesterday?” He asked. Tears filled your e/c eyes again as you saw his blue ones start to water up.

“Yes.” You whispered. He let out a watery chuckle and fat tears fell down his cheeks. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he lifted you off the ground, hugging each other as you’ve never before. You could feel his tears soaking into your shirt like yours were soaking his.

“I love you so much, Y/N. Nothing could ever change that. Ever.” You heard him say. You squeezed your arms tighter around his neck in response and kept crying. “I’m so proud of you.” He whispered into your ear. He set you down slowly on the ground, not letting go until you were ready.

“I love you, dad.” You said once he set you down and you sat down in your chairs again. He grabbed your hand and kissed the back of it, smiling at you. Dodger got up from his place on the floor and made his way towards you, sensing that you could use a little love. He rested his chin on your knee and you scratched the spot you knew he loved. He licked your hand as you pulled it away and just stared at you. “I love you too, bubba.” You whispered.

“I love you so much, Y/N. You know that there is nothing you can do that will ever change the way I feel about you, right? I will never think any differently of you. You could’ve told me anything, and I’d still love you the way I did before you told me. I’d sit at home raising a baby while you finished school. I’d bury a body for you. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” Chris said.

“I’m not planning on having a baby anytime soon, so don’t worry about that. But my history teacher from sophomore year is still giving me problems, so that’s good to know.” You smirked and he leaned back and let out a laugh.

Chris stood up, placing a kiss on your forehead and went back to look at the take out menus he had pulled out. “So Chinese is okay with you?” He waved the menu from your favorite restaurant in the air.

“Chinese is good, I’ll have my usual. I need to call Uncle Scott, just come get me from my room when it’s here.” You said, running up the stairs.

“This better be the first time he’s hearing about this! If he found out before I did you’re sleeping outside for a week!” He called out after you. You snickered to yourself knowing the first person you told was Scott.

---

a/n: okay so im going to be the first to admit that i weeped writing this because i wish everyone could have an experience like this when coming out to their parents/family. i still havent come out to anyone in my personal life. my best friend kinda knows??? i always talk about being attracted to women but i’ve never explicitly said i am bisexual. being on this platform i feel like i can be who i am without the fear of not being welcomed. my family is very nonsupportive of the lgbtq+ community, so i havent come out to anyone in my family. this is like therapy LMAO. but anon, i hope you like this. and to anyone reading this if you’re struggling with your sexual orientation or with coming out, i hope this. brings you a little bit of joy. thank you for reading sorry this was a little rant and longwinded.

[gottlem]

‘let me go’ but like angsty lemyanka maybe if lemon is moving back to nyc from toronto 💔

here u go ! the most angsty thing i have ever written and will probably ever write. i havent proofread it bc its late, im tired and i got a bit carried away and ended up writing 1.7k words so.... yeah. hope u like it ! <3

“let me go”

Lemon and Priyanka were clearly in love. Everyone knew it, everyone could see. Deep down, they both knew that they were, but no matter how many times they ended up in eachothers beds, it just never came up. Because if it did, well, Lemon’s not too sure what would happen. But it would be a lot, maybe too much. So she decided to stick with friends with benefits, nothing more, and it worked. For a while. Until she didn’t know what counted as overstepping anymore and calling Priyanka her friend just felt like a lie, even though it wasn’t, not really. But the ‘not really’ part is what fucked her up. 

Lemon could only deal with so much. She had her walls, they were strong and tall and Priyanka was the only one who could get through, but they just didn’t feel like they were protecting her anymore. One day, she feared they would become a little too high, a little too unstable, and crush her. And she didn’t want Priyanka to have to deal with that. 

She had already made the decision to move back to New York before she even admitted it to herself. She tended to listen to her brain over her heart - you’re less likely to get hurt that way. Somehow, this time round she couldn't quite tell which part she was listening to, but before she knew it, she was on the phone to her friend Jan asking for a place to stay. 

Jan was more than happy, albeit a little concerned, for Lemon to live with her for a bit, claiming she could use the company and the help with rent. It was a win-win situation. Though, was Lemon winning? She wasn’t so sure, she was however very stubborn and once she had made her mind up, there was no going back. It would be nice to see her New York friends again, they hadn’t fallen out of touch but things are always harder when you’re so far apart. Besides, she needed a change of scenery, she missed walking the streets of the city that never sleeps. 

The real reason behind her decision was Priyanka. She didn’t tell anyone about it but Jan, knowing she would need at least some form of support once the train arrived. She just couldn’t bear to keep up with whatever their current situation was, but also she wasn’t sure she had the courage to talk about her real feelings, so the only option she could see was to just run away. They could keep in contact, a couple of texts and maybe a bi-weekly phone call, and Lemon could find some other girl to fall in love with and then she would be over her. 

She didn’t know how to be in love, and even if Priyanka could show her, she didn’t know if she was ready, if she was prepared. Because love was scary. Commitment, too. It’s not that Lemon was scared they would end up breaking up, she was scared that they would never break up. She was still young, and while some people long to find the love of their life early on, Lemon found herself staring at hers right in the face and it just felt too overwhelming. 

She had started hinting to Priyanka that she missed her New York friends about a month before she planned to be leaving. Priyanka would suggest a week’s visit, and Lemon would just shrug it off.  She just didn’t want it to come out of the blue when she finally told her that she'd be moving. And yet, all her hints didn’t stop Priyanka from being surprised. 

It was dark out, and the pair lay not so comfortably in Lemon’s bed. It was too hot but neither had the energy to do anything about it, so they stayed there in silence, Lemon slowly building up the courage to speak. 

“Hey, Pri?” She barely recognised her own voice, hating the crack that came out when she started speaking. Priyanka hummed in response, turning her head to face Lemon’s, eyes trained on the side of Lemon’s head as the yellow haired girl stared blankly at the ceiling. Eye contact would be too much, she didn’t want to see Priyanka’s face when she told her. 

“I’m moving back to New York.”

Silence. 

More silence.

Then, the shuffling of covers and creaks of floorboards as Priyanka grabbed her stuff and left. Somehow Lemon didn’t register any of it until the door had shut behind her. She closed her eyes and went to sleep.

The next day, Priyanka showed up at her door again, not too long after the sun rose. She looked tired, but Lemon said nothing because she probably looked the same.

“Sorry for just, leaving. I, uh, I was pissed off? I think?” Lemon’s jaw dropped.

“I’m sorry, you were pissed? At me? Priyanka, I get that I could have told you sooner but don’t pretend like telling you would have made me change my mind.”

“Wouldn’t it? Why are you moving anyway? When are you moving?”

“I miss my friends. I miss New York. I need a change, a get-away. I leave in two weeks”

“Jesus Christ,” Priyanka almost stomped past Lemon, sitting on the couch with an angry thud.  “You’re telling me, you move to New York in two weeks, because you miss your friends, and I am only just finding out now? That is bullshit, Lemon”

Of all of the reactions Lemon anticipated, this was not one of them. They never argued. They always poked fun, never too serious, always having a good time. But this was new. Lemon didn’t even know how to argue with Priyanka. She didn’t even know how she was supposed to react to hearing her full name, and the way she said it too. Lemon couldn’t quite place a finger on how Priyanka was feeling, not used to not being able to read her like an open book, and she fucking hated it. But if Pri wanted to argue, then they were going to argue. Lemon didn’t make this decision on whim, she needed to do this, she needed to move, she didn’t have a choice. 

“God, Priyanka, do I need to tell you everything? It’s not like I’m your fucking girlfriend!” She regretted saying it the second it came out of her mouth, no matter how true it was. They avoided the word ‘girlfriend’ like the plague, but apparently this was the line that needed to be crossed to have this discussion.

“No, you don’t need to tell me everything, but if you’re moving to New York? Yeah, maybe tell me. Maybe mention it before you have to leave in two weeks, for fucks sake, Lem”

She had stopped shouting, her voice sounding a bit more tired and defeated that angry. Things were complicated. Lemon thought running away would be the easiest option. And maybe she was right. Maybe the easiest option was still hard, but it was too late to change her mind now. The damage had been done, and now Priyanka knew that she would be getting on the train in two weeks time, and they didn’t know when they’d see eachother again after that.

They spent all day talking. Avoiding direct eye contact, getting goosebumps every time their hands accidentally touched. Unsaid ‘I love you’s floated around them, taunting them every time Lemon went over her excuse for moving. They hid behind sad smiles and even sadder eyes, but never managed to actually surface, not like they ever did anyways. 

They pretended like nothing happened the next day. Instead, they opted to make the most of the last week and a bit left they had together, refusing to mention the fact that time was slipping, or how much they would be lost without each other. Lemon spent her nights on the phone to Jan, planning logistics, but mostly trying not to cry about how she was leaving the woman who was quite possibly her soulmate in another country for however long without telling her how she feels.

Her final day in Toronto came round after what felt like a short eternity. She was only slightly ready. Her yellow suitcase rolled next to her and she drowned out the noise of the train station with her earphones on full volume. A coffee warmed her shaking hands as she waited for the train she was obnoxiously early for. Not long past before she felt someone sit down next to her and place a hand on her shoulder, startling her from the daze she had managed to force herself into.

Of fucking course it was Priyanka. And of course she was looking at Lemon with tears threatening to shed. Lemon placed her hand in Priyanka’s after taking out her earphones, and gave it a small squeeze.

“I don’t want you to go” Lemon wished she could kiss her and say she didn’t want to go either. But she couldn't because she would be lying. She wanted to go. She loved Priyanka, and Priyanka loved her. They both knew it, without it being said. But Lemon just wasn’t ready. 

“I know. I’ll miss you” Priyanka shook her head and tears began to fall down her cheeks, one by one then all at once. 

“God, Lem, what went wrong? Do I have to fucking beg you to stay or something? I don’t understand why you have to move all the way to New York, I don’t know what I’m even supposed to do without you here”

Lemon refused to cry. She absolutely refused. When she felt the back of her eyes stinging with tears, she simply shook her head and pushed them back. Not now. Not in front of Pri.

She took her other hand, and looked Priyanka in the eyes, inching in closer and closer. 

“Pri, I’m going, and it’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna be fine, and you’re gonna be fine, okay love? It’s time to just… let me go.”

Lemon released her hands and stood up, the action followed by Priyanka, who gave her a bone crushing hug, still crying. When she finally let go, she gave her a small kiss on the top of her head, and Lemon had to hold back her tears for the millionth time within the past five minutes. They looked at each other for just a moment, once again opting to not say anything, despite it being their final chance. Lemon gave a small nod, as if in response to the silence, before turning away and walking to her platform. She didn’t look behind her. And if she stopped holding back her waterfall of tears the second she faced the other way, she could hide that from Priyanka too.

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[gracereadstoomanybooks]

answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

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QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!

[willykappymarnsmatts]

Wrong Direction: Chapter 2 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

“I just got off the phone with Max,” it's been two weeks since I've moved into Will’s place, my stuff still in boxes all over the apartment.

“Oh?’ William responds, tossing me a smoothie from the fridge as we get ready to go to practice. I still go to sleep in tears and wake up with puffy eyes, but Willy makes me feel like everythings going to be okay, if not today then someday soon. “How is he?”

“Good,” I tell him, scratching at the back of my neck, refusing to look up at him knowing what comes next. “He asked me to come stay with him. Well, he didn't ask. He's kinda forcing me.”

“Oh,” Will says. He turns around and faces me with a look on his face of a mix of betrayal and hurt, and it makes me want to burst into tears. “Um, well, are you gonna go?”

“I have to, babe. He's my brother, and he said that if I don't come by myself he'll pack my things for me the next time he comes to Toronto.” I feel bad, but I do miss Max.

Willy just frowns at me. “When are you leaving?”

“Uh, tomorrow. He said he'd buy me a plane ticket.”

“To Montreal?! I could drive you!”

“I know, its okay. He’s the one paying so I don't really care honestly. Don't we have to get going?’

“Yeah,” he giggles, glancing at the watch on his wrist.

On our way to the arena, I take deep breaths to try to calm my racing heart and shaking hands. Seeing Kasperi this often still hurts just as bad as seeing him in bed with that girl. But the whole situation has given me a lot of inspiration for a new song that i've been working on, bouncing ideas off of Will day and night.

He notices my agitation and reaches over to grab my hand. “After this, you won't ever have to see him or me ever again.”

“Hey, don't say that,” I pout. “I'll be back and i'll move back in with you, if you let me, in a couple months. I just need a break from Toronto. Everything I know is laced with memories of him. I can't even enjoy your games because he's there.”

Will nods without looking away from the road. “You're always welcome at my place. We’re all still really pissed at him, you know. Mitch hasn't spoken to him since that night, and you know how Mitch is. Auston doesn't even look at him, and Zach’s only talking to him because he feels bad that everyone is making every effort to ignore him but me. The whole fucking team loves you, Y/N. Oh, and Derms took a slapshot at his ankle the other night and he had to sit out for an entire period.”

My eyes are brimmed with tears and I have to look up at the ceiling of the car to keep them from spilling over. “Can you let the guys know i'm leaving? I'll obviously talk to them, but I don't want to be the one to break the news to them.”

Will nods. “Of course.” he smiles at me then and looks away from the road for a split second to wipe away a tear.

•••

I sit in the third row to watch the boys’ practice and try to continue writing, but the yelling and pucks hitting the boards constantly is distracting, so eventually I give up and watch them skate. During a water break, I catch myself watching Kasperi. All he does is take a few deep breaths, but watching him like this, as if nothing ever happened, makes my heart shatter. Before I can look away, he looks up at me and I watch his entire face fall. He stares at me and I stare back. He studies me, as if to memorize me. I can't look away, and he refuses to skate away. He continues forward, until he's at the boards and we’re a few feet away from each other. Neither of us can pretend we weren't looking at each other. He stops, and so does my heart. And we just watch each other. Just stare. My heart is breaking with every moment that passes, and my stomach hurts, because he was my everything.

A whistle blows. Kasperi whips his head around. The sounds of the rink come back into my ears, and we’re both taken out of the world where we were the only two people who existed. He skates away, glancing back at me once before never looking back at me again.

•••

“Y/N,” Willy says as soon as I answer his facetime call. I've been in Montreal with Max for about two months and I released my song about a week ago. Wills is driving back from practice, which is when he gives me a rundown on how “incredible” he was and how he's gonna kick ass at the next game. But today he looks anything but confident, his forehead a mass of worry lines and his mouth turned down into a frown.

“Y/N, your song is saved on my playlist, and I got the aux this morning. After practice, it came on. Most of us were singing, and I glanced at Kap, and he was just sitting there in his stall. He wasn't moving. Just staring straight ahead.”

I sit up. “Woah, slow down. I thought Kasperi and I were finished.” When I moved away, after the day at the rink, Will told me that Kasperi stopped seeming to care. He was out with a different girl every two days, bringing random girls home every day of the weekend. It still hurts, but it hurt more to realize that our entire relationship meant nothing to him. But if Will is telling the truth, which I don't doubt he is, it makes everything a whole lot more confusing.

“I thought so too, but listen. I think that it was your voice at first, Y/N. He hasn't heard your voice in months. And then he heard the rest of the song, he listened without moving, and as soon as it ended he got up, in just his slides and shorts, and fucking left the room.”

I'm silent, letting Will talk. “The rest of us didn't know what to do, so I tried to follow him. I found him in the weights room, and he was in tears.” Will flicks on the turn signal and turns onto his street, then glances at his phone to see if he should continue the story. I nod at him, holding my breath to keep from breaking down at the thought of Kasperi.

“I went to him and sat with him, and he just cried. I haven't seen him cry since he thought I was getting promoted to the bigs and he wasn't. But he was sobbing. So I sat with him, and eventually he calmed down enough to choke out that he misses you. He told me the girls were a front, and that he hasn't been able to sleep ever since that night. And, Y/N, I dont think he's lying. His eyes always have huge bags under them and he's so shaky. So I asked him why he did it, but he didn't have an answer. He said he missed you and he felt like you didn't love him anymore because you were always out doing stuff for your album, but I told him that was bullshit and he said he knew it. He told me he can't breathe without, and that he hates that he hurt you. So I told him to talk to you, and he said he'd try to text you later today.”

“Damn,” I respond, not sure how to feel. “I want to love him again, but I don't know if I can trust him.”

“You don't have to. He knows he hurt you, and that he has to work to get you back, but I am asking you to please just try to talk to him, because fuck, Y/N, if there’s a such thing as soulmates, it’s you guys. You're both in so much pain. Take your time, keep your walls up, but just talk to him.”

“Okay. Okay, fine.”

“Thank you, beautiful best friend. I'm home now, so I'll call you back in a couple hours?”

“Yeah, that’s cool. See ya.”

He ends the call and I'm left in silence. Then my phone dings with a text notification in my hand, and my heart picks up speed. I know exactly who it is, and I don't want to look at it, not right away, so I throw it across the couch with a pillow on top of it.

I put my head in my hands and try to slow my speeding heart by taking a few deep breaths. “Fuck!” I yell, then silently thank Max for going out a few hours ago. I wipe my face with my hands and sit straight up.

I stare at the pillow my phone is sitting under, knowing without ever checking that there is a text from Kasperi Kapanen waiting for me. My phone dings again and my heart jumps. I stand up and rip my phone from under the pillow.

‘wrong direction huh’

‘i miss u’

I cover my mouth with my hand and my eyes brim with tears. I sit back slowly onto the couch and read over the messages two, three, four more times before unlocking my phone and tapping on the text bar.

‘Dang, how'd u know it was abt u?’

I smile slightly as I type out the message and hold my breath when I hit send. I don't have to wait even a second before the three bubbles come up on the screen.

‘no idea’

‘ig im just tht good’

I laugh and type out another response.

‘Imyt. How r u?’

I bite my lip when the text bubbles come up, and a few seconds later his response comes.

‘could be better tbh. can’t sleep @ the apt nymore so i spend the nites b4 games @ 1 of the guys places’

My breath catches at the words. Then another message pops up.

‘im so sry 4 everything’

I bite my lip and close my eyes, taking a breath.

‘Thx. I havent stopped thinking abt u’

‘me neither’

I take another deep breath. Kasperi was my favourite person, my person, for so long. It's scary how easily we can fall back into simple, comfortable conversation, as if nothing ever happened. So I decide to be straight up and honest with him, and if he really does still care about me, he’ll understand.

‘U broke me, Kasperi. I never thought tht u would hurt me, and u literally broke me. I miss u more than nything and it hurts so bad to b without u, but seeing u in bed with another girl, tht broke me. It felt like our whole relationship was built on lies, and tht u never actually cared abt me. So yeah, i cant stop thinking abt u, and i want to b able to love you again, but u broke my trust and idk if ill ever trust u like i did before.’

I hit send and feel like I'm going to be sick. Everything I type I’ve told Will and all the other guys, but after the day I left the apartment, I never spoke to Kasperi about anything. The three bubbles come up on the screen and I hold my breath, then they disappear. They come up and disappear a couple more times, until a message finally pops up on the screen.

‘i wish i could take back everything i ever did 2 hurt u, but ik its not tht ez. i rly do want 2 fix this, tho. would u b down to ft l8r?’

I can't breathe, but I manage to type out a response without screaming.

‘Sure. Just text me when ur ready’

I take a deep breath and click my phone off. I'm about to get up when my phone dings again. I glance at the message and it makes my chest feel like it's going to explode.

‘ok i will <3’

I smile down at the screen and go to plug in my phone so it's charged when Kasperi wants to call. I really don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again, but the least I can do is give him a chance to apologize. He's already broken me so badly, even if he lets me down again nothing will compare to the amount of hurt I’ve already felt.

[redrabbitspod]

happiness?

first, i wanted to start by thanking dan for allowing me to post this. for a while, i wondered if i even should. but, a lot of you have been asking about me, my upbringing, and who the fuck i am. i think this is, in part, due to my team interview and rumor. i have to admit, not all of the rumors are wrong, but i wanted to come completely clean and after a long time of thinking and a big change in my life, i decided why the fuck not?  maybe, i told myself, it would help some of you. i hope it does. 

but, it is personal and it does mean a lot to me. if i’m being honest, it also makes me feel a bit vulnerable. however, after taking quite a few L’s for rrp, dan agreed, so here we are. 

where are we? here. the fuck does that mean? i don’t exactly know, but i’m going to fuckin wing it.

so, here goes. let’s start from the top. (art by me)*

QUICK OOC! THIS IS A CHAPTER! CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT SETH’S TIME IN MIAMI AND MORE OF WHAT HE TALKS ABOUT UNDER THE CUT 

*BloodyDamnit: it’s my art. but we like to think Seth is an artist :)

vvvvvvvvvvv

my name is seth gordon, i’m 31 years old and 1 of 7 sons. i’m smack in the middle and i severely suffered from middle child syndrome.

31 years ago, i was born in rural alabama to a white, military father and a black, hard-as-rocks mother. i had your typical, strict military upbringing. my dad was hard on us from the jump and refused to acknowledge the fact that at the time, he had 4 black sons (to have 3 more). i still don’t think he realizes that to this day, he raised 7 black men to hate themselves, but that’s not what this post is really about. i can write an entire critical essay on how much my fathers obliviousness to race and racism ruined my and my brothers psyches, but anyway. 

growing up in the deep south, meant we encountered racism every single day. a lot of it was severe and ultimately, barely acknowledged. to my dad, we were white (which was odd in itself because he was ostracized by everyone around him for marrying my mom) - to my mom, we were hers, but undeniably black. to her family, we were mixed. it was confusing in the household, to say the least. 

while we were accosted at school, bullied, and harassed, my dad had the usual macho-man response of ‘punch ‘em back’ and ‘none of my sons will get beat by some scrawny kids’. if you didn’t punch back, then you were a pussy. 

i, was a pussy. (for many things, but we’ll get there)

my mom, on the other hand, tried her best - bless her fuckin heart. when he wasn’t home, she’d do her best to remind us what we looked like, what we were, and that people wont ever treat us right. she wasn’t wrong, not there, not in that town. 

what was ironic about it all, was while she was trying to get us to understand that being black wasn’t wrong, that it was something to be aware of, yes, but also to be proud - being ‘queer’ was out of the question. 

to start, i was a sensitive kid. that alone was enough to have my older brothers mock me, call me names. when i cried, it got worse. i vividly remember my dad gripping my arm, shaking me, and getting in my face to ‘stop crying like a girl’. i was called queer, i was called fag, i was ostracised by my family - all for crying, all for being ‘sensitive’. i was 6? 7? i was young. a child. 

i learned early. 

as i got older, all the homophobia i’d encountered from my family assuming, made me hate myself for more than just being black, but being whatever i was, too. as i started realizing that boys looked just as good as girls, i became the worst version of myself possible and when my parents divorced, it only festered. 

middle child, remember that? when my dad left, my mom was the only income. she had 7 kids, 7 boys to take care of. my youngest brother was a toddler, my oldest a junior in high school. the older kids were tasked with taking care of the youngest and while my older brothers were working, succeeding in school, making sure the youngest succeeded too, i was left somewhere in between. i was a menace. i created problems in every single fuckin way i could. i wanted attention, i wanted love, i wanted someone to take care of me, too. but i was in middle school and deemed able to take care of myself, so i did. 

i continued to, even as my older brothers went off to college and pursued careers, and i was the last to take care of the kids. i put my mom through the ringer and i had no real prospects. i was getting into fights, smoking weed every day, getting involved with girls, partying, drinking. my second oldest brother pulled me over at the beginning of my senior year and told me that i needed to get out.

he thought it would help - to be away from family, away from my dad, away from the toxicity i’d grown to only know. for a long time, i thought he was stupid. so stupid to think that someone like me, someone with my temperament, my habits, my ability to seek out trouble in every fuckin way i could, should be trusted on my own at college. 

turns out, it was the best advice he could’ve ever given me. 

because i was accepted to psu on a hope and a fuckin prayer. 

i get more into my time at psu here*. it details my drug abuse, my addictions, my severe homophobia, and my path to accepting myself as a bi man. i don’t really feel comfortable explaining that all here, on this public page. but if you would like to read more, you can click the link.* 

anyway, all of that was thanks to wymack and surprisingly, minyard as well. they helped me realize that i could get better, i could be better, that i could overcome the thick fog id lost myself in. 

which brings me to here, today. 

the title of this post is happiness? i asked myself wtf happiness was for the majority of my life. after my undergrad, i questioned if i was happy, every single day. i still do, sometimes. 

you all know me as happy-go-lucky seth; the memester; the goofy guy that is in all actuality, older than the majority of tfn, but treated like the younger brother. maybe, some of you see me as immature. maybe, you think im lying about my age, or that i really am just a happy fuckin guy. 

i am happy, most of the time; so long as im distracted, working, partying, playing music, or helping my friends. but thats really all it is. i need to be busy, in order to forget how unhappy i find myself, sometimes. 

that is, until now. 

relationships are weird - hard to explain. but for me, finding someone i found complete comfort in became important, it became a blessing and i’m not even slightly religious. but that’s what this feels like. 

as many of you know, i’m in a relationship now and maybe im just honeymooning, but by fuck im happy. i havent been able to find solace in quiet for over a decade, full self-acceptance in a lifetime, until i truly met him.

none of you have to know his name, or who he is. but it was in meeting him, someone so like myself with similar struggles and experiences, that i was able to realize that i can love myself. that i have the ability to be proud of who i fucking am, and that i can drop the fucking facade of happiness and actually be happy. 

maybe it’s sappy. 

sounds like it. 

feels like it. 

it is. 

but it was in meeting him, that i learned to have real pride, with no lingering hate dancing around the back of my mind. it was in meeting him, that i learned to accept all aspects of myself and make sure everyone felt just as good as i do.

people like me have the ability to grow. they have the ability to overcome and learn from past mistakes. i was a horrible fucking person for the majority of my life. most of the people i knew wouldn’t even recognize who i am now. doesnt matter that i was a kid, or in college and overcoming grief and ingrained self-hate. i grew, i overcame. i found people that care about me, accept me for the man i am today.

i wish i met them sooner. i wish i’d listened to them sooner. maybe i could've avoided hurting people i hadn’t meant to hurt. 

maybe i could’ve avoided hurting myself, for this long. 

but im finally here and that feels good to say. i found happiness. 

im happy. 

- seth

ooc: * = links to the chapter, where seth goes more into detail with his college experiences, addiction, and past relationships. 

[ruiyuki-archives]

Star Tear AU - Alt. Timeline: Todoroki ver. [Part 1]

This is an AU I wrote on the todomomo discord server eons ago. Anything posted to this blog will be transcripts of old original work and not really edited, save for formatting. I have no guarantees if I will ever finish these AUs either so these will only be kept as an archive.

Original transcript posted to tdmm discord: Aug 2020

Momo ver. Alternate timeline: Todo ver. Part 1 || Todo ver. Part 2 || Todo ver. Part 3

Star tears in which Todoroki falls for Momo first.

shortly after the exam with Aizawa he doesn’t know what he’s feeling but just admires her strength and quick thinking

and him hanging out with Deku and Iida at lunch means Todo hears all the nice and good things Momo does when she and Iida to discuss class prez stuff

which intensifies this ??admiration?? and respect more

and he just?? Holds onto those feelings unable to figure out what they are until idk maybe holidays where 1A and 1B throw that holiday hotpot party

and Momos really cute lookin’ in that Santa hat she made with the festive turtleneck

and so that feeling inside Todo grows into something more??? bc "oh shit she cute".... and Todo’s blushing while looking at her from afar. Probably.

so Todo talks to Fuyumi abt it and Fuyumi’s like: “I think you like her Shouto”

and he writes to his mom abt it and Rei's like: “she sounds like a lovely girl Shouto”

and he texts Natsuo abt it and Natsu's like: “aw little bro has a crush”

but all the while this is happening, Momo's gotten closer with Iida over class prez stuff and hero stuff and everyone in 1A (read: mina and hagakure) think iimomo might be a thing???

ofc Momo denies it and making excuses politely like "no no ofc not we're being responsible class prez and vice prez" but she’s kinda stuttery while doing so, so no one buys it

and no ones brave enough to ask Iida except Ochako but he gives some straight laced answer like "i admire her work ethic and respect her as a hero and vice prez" but he also has some tint of blush across his cheeks

so idk fast forward to graduation where Todo's been holding onto these feelings for Momo since first year and iimomo is still very very likely

so its all cherry blossom petals flying around and congratulatory celebrations

and when Todo sees Momo amongst the sakura trees smiling like he's never seen before (bc they're finally officially heroes!!) he thinks she’s beautiful

but just as he's about to approach her, Iida approaches her and Todo can see she's blushing and he knows its really not good to eavesdrop on one of his best friends and the girl he likes

But... he's curious.

or so he lies to himself.

Ofc what he hears isnt what he ever wants to,,,,

cuz Iida just confessed to her.

and she feels the same.

and a star tear slips from Todo's eye as he walks away.

he stops mid step as he touches his cheek bc he didnt even realize he was crying

but what are these tears??? What’s happening?? He's never had these before bc even though Todo is an emotional crier, he doesn’t cry that often.. only when he is completely overwhelmed with emotion

so he has this dumbfounded expression staring at his fingers as these star tears are twinkling out of his eyes catching sunlight and sakura petals

until he hears "Youre a fucking idiot" from a few steps away

Bakugou. 

(Baku really likes eavesdropping ok its not the first time lol)

Baku: theyre called star tears.

Todo: You know what these are?

Baku: it happens when you like someone and that person doesnt like you back, idiot.

Todo: ... oh.

Baku: get that shit sorted or you'll go blind

(And for those who are curious, yes maaaayyybe Bakugou has a case of the stars in this timeline too, that’s how he knows. To whom? I'll let you decide bc honestly, I just want todobaku brotp bonding over unrequited love)

so now Todo thinks he might be fucked. One of his best friends confessed to the girl he likes too and she likes him back and now Todo has this disease that might make him go blind and might get in the way of heroing (which they've all secured post graduation positions by now) and what can he do about it?

nothing, says the doctor he sees. The disease is not curable and the only way to stop it is to have your feelings returned else you'll go colour blind and then completely blind, so he's told.

ya he's really fucked.

maybe its a good thing then, that he doesnt cry often. It makes it easier to ice over these feelings, freeze them in time with the memories of U.A.; of his last congratulations to her and her smile at the end of the ceremony an hour after he overheard that confession

maybe its another good thing that right after graduation, everyone went off to their own positions as side kicks with agencies across japan, focusing on heroing

but its 3 months after graduation that Iida tells Deku and Todoroki that he is seeing Momo when they meet up every Friday to catch up

its 6 months after graduation that its publicly announced in Hero Magazine that Ingenium and Creati are dating

its 9 months after graduation that he sees Iida and Momo attending the Hero Association's rising stars gala as a couple and are seated at the same table as them

(Bakugou is scowling at him across the table.)

Todo tries. He really does. To be happy for them.

but he's angry at himself that he can't be happy for them. That it saddens him to see Momo glowing under the ballroom lights but its not himself to make her shine like that, its Iida. That he sees she is the one to make Iida genuinely happy in the way his eyes light up when he smiles at her.

and all three times Todo goes home, lies down alone in his room, an arm slung across his forehead as the star tears leak from his eyes.

he starts to lose seeing colour at 12 months.

after 24 months he needs glasses for colour correction (and ironically gets a sponsorship with the brand. The fashion magazines print headlines for weeks "Hot-Cold Hero Shouto Fall Fashion! See page 7 spread for his newest spotted specks and turtle necks")

at 36 months Iida breaks the news. Iida's gonna propose to Yaoyorozu and wants him, Deku, and his brother to be his groomsmen

she said yes.

and a part of Todo washes away with the star tears flooding him room and twinkling against the tatami.

he tries to stay out of the wedding planning as much as possible. He'll go to the tuxedo fittings as requested and still keep up hearing the updates when seeing Iida and Deku for their weekly get together on Friday nights. 

But for anything involving Momo's presence, there will always be a "sorry i have a mission that week", "sorry im visiting my mom", "sorry Endeavor needs to see me about the agency"

... all excuses Bakugou knows, but the others pay no mind. They are rising heroes near the top of the billboard by now

month 48. Wedding day.

she's stunning. Gorgeous. A near goddess walking down the aisle on her big day.

but she's not walking down for him. No its for iida.

there was the ceremony, the cheers, the congratulations, the reception. Fairy lights around the dance floor and along the walls, champagne glittering after the sound of a cork

Todoroki stands off to against the wall as the night dies down, a glass in hand, watching the newly weds grace the dance floor.

someone slides up beside him, he feels the presence. Bakugou.

"She's beautiful isnt she?"

"Yeah."

. . .

a star tear falls from Todoroki's eyes, twinkle hidden among the fairy lights and champagne glitter.

she's beautiful, but maybe its a good thing I can't see

somebody said: what if she knows everything that had happened and the reason why he couldn't continue his career is bc of her?

me: ok you’re asking for it

Momo, 3 months pregnant with iimomo baby, announces with Iida the news to their friends

the soon to be parents want to choose godparents for the baby so Iida gets to choose the baby’s godmother and Momo gets to choose the godfather

and ofc along with the announcement Momo asks Todoroki to be the kid’s godfather

he can’t say no to her.

the same week later Todo and Momo's agencies are requested to deal with this one villain case while Ingenium's agency deals with another in another town (later turns out the cases were connected)

small talk, civil, very professional between Momo and Todo when they’re in the debriefing

at this point Todo's pretty much completely blind and uses some special contact lenses from Hatsume to help "see"

but the contact lenses can only do so much as to detect light movement and shadows and it reallllllllly doesnt work well when he's using his fire 

so Todo already had tossed around the idea of running away to the mountains like Roy did in the FMA 2003 ending, "mysteriously" retiring bc really his vision cannot keep up

until this last mission with Momo

and really its been nearly a decade now since they last worked together side by side (not since U.A. he thinks).. so just let the blind man be selfish one last time

and so smth smth missiom happens, Todo and Momo fighting side by side

but Momo senses there’s something off with Todo's movements? His reflexes are slower.. it doesnt seem like he's prediciting the opponents moves like he used to.. he's more so reacting and retaliating than attacking..

she chalks it up to that they havent fought side by side in a long time and his style must’ve changed and really, she doesnt know him anymore... not like she used to

smth smth 3 months pregnant Momo gets hurt, knocked unconscious for a bit

Todo saves her

and when she comes to, while Todo's holding her, star tears fall onto her cheek from Todo's eyes. 

She's shocked. Reaches up to gently graze a finger tip at his left cheek.

"Todoroki-san, these are?"

and again its like Todo didnt realize he was crying. He jerks away from her hand and brushes her off with "its nothing”. Changes the subject with "are you ok?"

Momo: yes.. i think so

Todo: and the baby?

Momo, sitting up: we're ok I think

Todo, moving away: good

the mission concludes and they meet up with Ingenium’s group to wrap up the two ends. Todo slips away before Iida and Momo and approach him

theres no activity from Todoroki for the next month

neither Iida, Deku or anyone else in 1A know where he went except the Hero Association's vague comment on "Hot Cold Hero Shouto has taken a sudden indefinite hiatus"

(Only Todo’s family knows and Endeavor asked the Association to say "hiatus" instead of "retirement" bc Enji wants to believe in his son making a comeback. He didnt stop Shouto from taking off)

and ofc Momo upon hearing this is so confused??? Her last mission with him was the last time she saw him and he was crying. Why was he crying? Strange star tears twinkling and landing on her cheeks? What even is that phenomenon?

its too many questions and ofc Momo's gonna investigate. For the sake of her friend.

so she digs up all the texts she can find on star tears. Internet search all the possibilities. Consults the doctors at the hospital. Even asks Tenya if Todoroki has been acting strangely during their weekly catch ups.

but Tenya tells her Todoroki hasnt been the the meet ups since after their wedding

so she asks anyone in their pro hero circle of associates she can think of. Tsukiyomi, Burnin', heros from his agency, anyone she can think of that has worked with Todoroki before and could comment on his behaviour

no body knows. No body noticed anything different either. Sure there were some off days but the Hot Cold Hero Shouto was always on his game being one of the top 3 heroes on the billboard charts

she searches and searches, splitting time interviewing colleagues and researching the possible star tears phenomenon

until eventually her search takes her to...

Bakugou.

Of course.

Momo, pleading: please Bakugou, you know something about him dont you?

Bakugou, who at this point had been very careful trying not to get cornered knowing her investigation: save it pony tail, you’re about to have a baby. Go have people harass you about that brat in your oven instead of harassing other people

Momo, nearly begging: please. You and I both know he's strong and a good hero that would not suddenly retire. Whatever he is doing, he might need help.. please tell me Bakugou.

... theres something about pregnant women that you cant say no to.

Bakugou, relenting: tch. The half ass is somewhere in Yokohama

and thats all she needs nearly running waddling (as fast as a pregnant woman could) out the door

Bakugou, calling out after her, still reluctant: when find that half ass, i suggest you throw him a gift. Literally. Throw it at him. He deserves it.

she finds him along the port, watching the sunset in Yokohama (its really not that hard to find someone with heterochromia and two tone hair in a city, especially if youre a hero that knows what methods heroes will use to go incognito)

and for some inkling of a feeling, Momo takes Bakugou's advice. She has a carton of strawberry milk in hand.

Momo, a few feet away from him: Todoroki-san, it's been a while.

Todo, turning his head in her direction: Yaoyorozu...?

Momo, sadly smiling: the sunset is beautiful here isnt it?

Todo, brows furrowing: .. sure. Yaoyorozu what are you doing here--

Momo, interrupting him: --i brought some snacks. Strawberry milk, you liked this while we were in school right? Catch.

she tosses it at him.

he tries to reach out.

But he'es completely off. And misses

Momo, sad: Todoroki-san. You're blind, arent you?

Todo, guilty: ah.

Momo, tearing up: will you please tell me?

he still can say no to her and confesses his story

and when he's finished telling the tale of star tears, the stars above are twinkling too

she's crying and choking and sobbing through tears and its intensified by baby Iida with pregnancy hormones

But the last thing she manages to croak out at the very least is still wholly her

She apologizes

“Im so sorry Todoroki- san. I cant love you that way.”

“I know.”

END NOTES:

red is the last color Todoroki wanted to lose because it reminds him of Momo

during missions, as long as he could see her, “that’s ok” he thought. she is the only one he sees in color. that is okay with him

to him, Momo is his shining star. And there’s something tragically poetic of him losing his sight to the stars if its for his shining star Momo

He leaves the last stars in a tiny little jar like those paper stars as a gift for her with just the words on a note "goodbye Momo" the day after she finds him in Yokohama

Momo has the jar of stars forever on her bedside and looks at them with this melancholy expression. Baby Iida grows up and asks mom: "what is that jar of stars?" 

Momo responds: "a gift from someone that was blinded by love"

Bakugou in this timeline had a case of star tears too but I'd like to think he got his feelings requited so he never went blind to contrast Todo

So thats why Baku is (begrudgingly) sympathetic to Todo cuz he thinks: “that could’ve been me”

The ending shot of a blind Todoroki in a dark room, all alone, eyes closed, thinking back to Momo's shining smile from UA surrounded by star light with a sad smile on his face and it fades to black

> archives masterpost

[marvxlousqueen]

Warren Worthington- Jealous

by @billyhargovesgurl- Hi Eve 💕I have prompt idea!! about an angsty warren bc the reader is crushing on a guy and is telling warren about how hot she thinks he is and warren hates the guy bc he’s in love with her but won’t tell her and she asks what his problem is then in a heated argument his feelings come out and she feels the same and it’s all passion and angst??? Btw I say this all the time but GIRLL I love ur writing!!!! I hope this prompt is okay 💕💕

word count: 1.4 K

warnings: language, not proof read, lowkey shitty bc i havent written in like a month??

A/N: i used peter maximoff as the reader’s crush bc peter is a cutie and i love evan peters so it was easy to write !! also i have to reuse warren gifs now bc i write for him sm just fyi (whoops sorry not sorry!!) also!! this is going to get angsty bc just a few days ago i got shot down by a guy so the energy is transferring into this!! also i hope this fic is okay bc i didn’t really know how to write it w her crushing on a guy but also liking warren so just bear w me ily

ALSO I’M SORRY I DIDN'T WRITE FOR LIKE A MONTH IM SO SORRY AHHH BUT I’M BACK NOW!! 

“He has a really good music taste too, like we listen to a lot of the same stuff, which is great because it gives us something to talk about, you know?”

Warren nodded along at what (Y/n) was saying, not truly registering her words like he usually would. Warren would usually hang onto every word she said and even pray for more details just so he could hear her voice for another second, but now all he wanted her to do was shut up. He needed her to shut up about Peter Maximoff. 

Turns out, (Y/n) had quite the attraction to the older boy. Warren wasn’t sure why she even liked him. He couldn’t stand Peter- he was too hyper, too talkative, just too annoying in general. Warren knew so many guys who it would be reasonable for (Y/n) to like, but why Maximoff?

For the past week all Warren had heard from (Y/n) is “Peter-” this and “Peter-” that, Warren was sick of it. 

“Also I was talking to him about some movies that are coming out this weekend, like I was trying to hint that I wanted to go to one with him, but I’m not sure he really got the message so then-”

Warren stood up from their lunch table without a word, pushing past other students to exit the cafeteria. 

(Y/n)’s eyes followed him out, eyebrows furrowing. What the fuck? He just stood up, she thought. What the fuck?

(Y/n) looked back at her food, still confused as to why her best friend would suddenly ditch her with no explanation. Figuring he just needed to cool off, (Y/n) moved towards Peter and Kurt’s table, taking a seat in front of the speedster. 

Warren slammed the door of his room making the shelves on his wall shake. He dropped onto his bed, burying his head in his pillow. Warren knew he was acting like a baby, but he couldn’t help it. 

(Y/n) was the first person to accept him at the school, not being scared of him after the whole apocalypse thing. She had sat with him at lunch, helped him with classwork, and even stuck up for him when others tried to put him down. 

She was amazing and Warren couldn’t stand hearing her fawn over Peter. 

After lunch (Y/n) made her way towards Warren’s room, hoping he would still want to train with her like usual. (She did not want to go through the awkwardness of finding a new training partner for the day, especially since this late in the year everyone already had a partner). 

(Y/n) knocked on his door and waited for a response. “Warren? You in there?” 

Warren stopped his movements, quietly pulling his blanket over him as if it would hide his embarrassment from the girl on the other side of the door. 

(Y/n) knocked once more, “Training starts soon so.. I hope I see you there.”

Warren let out a breath as he heard her leave back down the hallway. 

Stop being such a baby, he thought to himself. Warren dragged himself out of bed a few minutes later and flew himself over to the training room. 

Walking into the gym he saw (Y/n) making conversation with Peter. Warren’s ears started burning in frustration, why does she like him? Why doesn’t she like me? What’s wrong with me?

Warren’s anger suddenly turned to sadness and he felt his heart sink as he watched her place a hand on his arm, laughing at something he said.

Warren’s wings drooped and his throat started to tighten as his thoughts spiraled. 

She’s going to date him and then she won’t even want to be friends with me anymore, he thought. Why would she want anything to do with me if she has him? 

He walked over to the bleachers to put down his bag and water. Hearing footsteps behind him, he froze. 

“Hey.. are you okay? Kinda just ditched me back at lunch.”

Warren stayed facing away from her, knowing if he saw her he might take his anger out on her, something he did not want to do. He nodded and continued searching through his bag to look busy, secretly hoping she would walk away.

(Y/n) nodded slowly, not believing him. “Are you sure? Because if you’re mad about something just tell me. I don’t want you upset.”

“I’m fine.”

“Well you don’t sound fine.”

Warren whipped around, tired of hearing her nag at him, knowing he might expose his feelings for her if she kepting pestering him. “I said I’m fucking fine, okay? Just shut up!”

(Y/n)’s eyes widened as she jumped back a bit at his tone. “O-okay..” Her eyes moved to look at her feet, avoiding Warren’s face, which was red from boembarrassmentent and frustration. 

With a gust of wind suddenly Peter was by (Y/n)’s side. “Hey- I heard yelling, what’s wrong?”

“Oh fuck off, Maximoff!”

Peter wrapped his arm around (Y/n) before looking up at Warren, who was still standing on the first bleacher. “What’s your problem, bro?”

Warren didn’t answer, too focused on the way his arm was draped over (Y/n)’s shoulder, the way his used to before her crush on Peter.

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” Warren tried to calm himself down, not wanting to give Peter another reason to need to be close enough to (Y/n) to comfort her. 

(Y/n) whispered something to Peter as Warren climbed down from the bleachers. The speedster ran off to the other side of the gym where the other students were doing warm up stretches. 

“Do... Do you still want to train together?”

Warren faced her, swallowing the lump in his throat at the thought of losing that time with her. 

You can’t, he thought, if you get that close to her you’ll make a move and ruin everything. 

“No, I don’t want to train with you.”

He saw (Y/n)’s face turn red as she stared up at him. “Oh.. okay yeah, yeah that’s fine.. that’s.. cool.” 

Warren wasn’t sure how to respond so he stood there in silence before noticing her eyes starting to get watery. 

“Why are you crying?”

She wiped at her eyes quickly before turning away, heading towards the door leaving the gym, not giving him another word. 

Warren took off after her, “Wait, (Y/n)! What’s wrong!” 

Halfway out the door, Warren was stopped by Peter. 

“Don’t go after her if you’re just going to be a dick again.”

Warren pushed Peter’s hands off of him, “I’m not the one being a dick, okay? You need to fuck off.”

Peter raised his eyebrows, “You’re not being a dick to her? Who’s the one who just made her cry because it wasn’t me so-”

Warren pushed past Peter, flying over to the student dorm building. 

He knocked on (Y/n)’s door, waiting for a response. He heard some shuffling before the door opened. 

“Warren-”

“I’m sorry, (Y/n). I’m so so sorry.” Warren wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight, afraid to let go and lose her. “I was being a jealous dick and I’m really sorry and I never want to see you cry again.”

“You were jealous?” Even though her voice was muffled from being pressed against her shoulder he could still understand what she asked.

“No! I mean no, why would I be jealous?”

(Y/n) pulled back from him, feeling cold without his warm arms around her. “I was hoping you would be..”

“You what?”

(Y/n) looked down at her feet, eyes burning again as she thought about how stupid her idea was. “I just thought if I was talking about Peter a lot I could tell if you liked me, but then I guess I took it too far and you don’t even want to be friends now so that’s just my fucking fault and I’m sorry.”

“Wait-what-”

“I know you said you didn’t want to be training partners anymore, but I hope we can still be friends because I really care about you and I’m sorry I was acting so fucking stupid with Peter and-”

Warren covered her mouth with his hand. “You don’t like Peter?”

(Y/n) shook her head, eyes on the floor again. 

“You just wanted to see if I got jealous?”

She nodded slowly. 

“So.. you like me?”

She nodded even slower this time, eyes closed as if it would shield her from embarrassment. 

“I- I like you too.. and it worked I was totally jealous of Peter.”

(Y/n)’s eyes snapped open as Warren’s words met her ears. She pulled his hand away, holding onto it instead. 

“So- what does this mean?”

Warren squeezed her hand, “I hope it means I can kiss you right now.”

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