#i havent reached the writing stage yet but

[crescencestudio]

Devlog #33 | 07.26.23

Hi everyone!

It's only been a month (per usual) since the last devlog. But it feels like so long ago! Very weird that last devlog I hadn't even released Intertwine yet. But here we are, back with another one!

Before we get into things, I want to extend the biggest thank you to everyone who has played and supported intertwine!

if you havent played yet, here it is. this is me on my knees asking because i am quite proud of it and what our team accomplished in two months!

in the almost month it's been out, we stand at almost 15k total plays and 200+ reviews which is so crazy to me. i never would've expected that kind of reception for our little game and when i say it has been so motivating for alaris!!! u dont even know!!!

thank you again for all the kind words---i know you are all Sick of me talking about it but i don't know how else to express my gratitude <3 it means so much to me ;_;

I wanted to make sure I inserted an official section for it in the Devlog just to really thank you all for the support. But with that, I shall get into the updates!

But not before a quick belated happy birthday to Fenir!

Writing

I posted it earlier this week, but I HAVE!!! THE MOST EXCITING NEWS!!! At least for me.

I FINISHED DRUK'S FIRST DRAFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We all know how long this has been in the making. I've been talking about his route for what feels like an eternity. Evidently, it's Very Normal to experience burnout, struggles with motivation, creative ruts, etc. etc. at this point in development. The initial and final stages of development are easier because your motivation is up. In the beginning, it's like Wow!! This is Fun!! And towards the end, it's like Wow!!! I actually Fckn Made It!!!!

And so the middle part of development, aka the stage I just entered with Druk's route, is the slog.

Now that I've overcome that initial hurdle, while I'm not near the end of development, I do feel like I will have a better handle of progress on the following routes since I have a better set of expectations and tools on how to get through this stage (compared to when I initially started Druk's route, and I was like what are all these Feelings?? Why am I Struggling so much??).

That being said, WE ARE OVER HALFWAY DONE WITH THE SCRIPT! It currently stands at 200k words including the demo, and with how each of the routes have been shaping up, we have about 150k left to go. Wow!!!!! It is crazy to know I've written that much for Alaris, and this feels like such an exciting milestone to know that I'm over halfway there for the script!

We also have just about wrapped up Fenir's developmental edits, so that makes Kayn and Fenir's foundational versions of their routes done (all that would be left at this point is line tweaking and/or revisions based on beta feedback)!! Overall, this was a really exciting month for writing updates, and I'm so happy to feel back on track with Alaris development <3 I also finished my dissertation proposal in case anyone is keeping track of that HEEHOO

Art

Most of my attention for art was (un?)fortunately on Intertwine this month AGAIN. I really had anticipated being able to dive right into Alaris and irl work this month after Otojam ended. But the reception to Intertwine made it so I needed to dedicate some time to "marketing" artwork aka the artwork I like to make when reaching certain milestones of support (e.g., 1k downloads, etc.). Obviously these aren't necessary, but I like to show my thanks and appreciation in some way, and the artwork is what feels best conveys my gratitude.

Because we hit milestones relatively quickly, I ended up having to make those pieces faster than I anticipated prior to release. So I spent the first half of this month mostly on intertwine "promotional/apprecation" artwork. Near the tail end of this month though, I've prioritized Alaris artwork and have made progress on both the Kickstarter physical rewards and some CG sketches!

sneaky peeky of pretty mermay Aisa

Vui continues to hit it out of the park with the backgrounds. Most of them are spoilers at this point. But I do have one that isn't too bad of a spoiler! And because you all have been so supportive and patient with me, I show hehe

vui and his bg mastery: a preview of the dragon springs

The demo mentions dragon springs (I..... think......... LMAO), and here is a preview of what those dragon springs can look like. Wonder what the context will be in which we visit them, teehee! I'm in love with the way Vui brings the fantasy world of Alaris to life. I am so grateful for him ^^

Market Research

My wrist was feeling ~delicate~ this month due to Otojam crunch and then post-release pieces. So I don't have any actual art pieces to showcase this month for market research. I did play Otojam games and started Cupid Parasite (ryuki and allan my beloveds). But crescence's wrist needs to relax LOL. So no art pieces more than necessary for this month!

I will send some love to my besties over at Ravenstar Games though! If you haven't heard, they have a game currently in development called Lost in Limbo. It looks sick as hell, and the team is unbelievable talented and hardworking. This month to celebrate Barbie, they were able to sneak this promotional piece in, even while working on their Master's ((Do you see...... a familiar group of people..... heh))

Alaris x Lost in Limbo x Barbie the collaboration of the century

That's all from me for now. Thank you again for all the support and love on Intertwine! I've truly cherished all the fanwork, reviews, kind messages, etc.

That being said, while it was a bit of a struggle getting back returning to the Alaris world initially (I was literally like what.... was the plot of this again... LMAOsazodujf), it's been so rewarding to return to my OG gang. The intertwine release and return to Alaris work has also been strangely sentimental since it's reminded me how far I've come in the two years I've been in this dev Thang. As always thank you for your continued support (and for supporting Alaris since it's inception when I was a Wee Dev), and I look forward to bringing you more updates in the future <3

See you all next month, and stay safe!

[pikawarrior]

Welp welcome back to my random rambles im just gonna talk bout alot of random stuff mainly my stories so here for go lets hope this is understandable

Story/maybe comic stuff

Turning of the orange | The Strawberry Patch - Old soon to be remade/written stop motion strawberry shortcake zombie movie me and my dad were making when i was in elementary schoolish. We unfortunately didnt make it that far since he had to leave often and for long times cuz work, but recently i found my old tablet with all the pics and my notes so rework time baby. Im about to use all my years of angst/horror writing to fuck these bitches up even more

The Butterfly Effect and It's Consequences | The Phoenix Effect -

The Butterfly Effect is my main rottmnt fanfic series. About my little rottmnt oc's (Ame) life and how the gang adopting them into the family changed everything mostly for the better but the bad things kinda got alot worse. Idk been focusing on the phoenix effect more

The Phoenix Effect is kinda an extension of that. Its basically the same thing but adds the cass apocalypse series into it. Basically how future Ame being there also changes things and how oopies mystics powers are hard to control after being half dead in stasis for about 12 years hope Ame does trys to leave to protect everyone from himself only to get kidnapped putting everyone in worse danger also oopies isnt that the super dangerous alien someone accidentally freed awhile ago

The Future Diary - So i watched The Hot Box's video on the anime future diary and well here we are

Another rottmnt oc thing. Ame obtains a diary from his future self being like "hey so the world is gonna end soon here's how i think you could possibly stop that. Pls dont do this all alone ur like 5" and ame decides to do it all by himself.

Got all eight chapters planned out already with two already at stage two (aka fully written out just needs to be edited and stuff). I just dont know how to use ao3 in this sense or how to tag stuff plus i got anxiety so its just sitting in my notes app

Video stuff cuz yes

Currently working on a few more special videos. On my channel ive technically reached 100 videos (i unlisted alot of old ones/never posted a bunch more so technically i reached that months ago but shhh let me have this) plus i got 135 subs now so celebrations are in order. Idk what to say bout this, am making a video using the ok ko ending song idk the name, one is a fake collab a friend made and another is an original meme a youtube mutual/friend by association made. Plus like so mant mini things for my ocs, Dimension and Watcher are gonna get so much development and cute couple moments.

Also everyone else is gonna go through so much trauma my gods its gonna amazing.

Also ive been trying to like voice things, audio quality sucks cuz im working off of my tablet but like ive voice a few of my own videos (only one posted) and like its so fun i wish i had proper stuff to do this so i can do it more

Other art stuff

I got a toyhou.se (its EnviousDeath), pls enjoy these characters and stuff

Im trying to make my art more mess and chaotic while staying clean? If that makes any sense. Still a lover of doing gacha stuff but am trying to branch out more.

Also btw how do people just idk do social stuff like trade characters, comment, and just aaaa idk what am doing i forgot how to do social stuff and also i never understood how to do this type without being awkward as hell

Character stuff

Watcher - *slaps religious trauma onto them* bitch gets sacrificed. Okay okay so Watcher, wasnt always Watcher. Before they used to be Ena a simple kid who was sent away for reasons i havent thought of yet to a church. Blah blah corruption, Watcher gets sacrificed for not falling in line blah blah they were saved and given a second chance.

Dimension - *slaps alot of anxiety and identity issues onto her* bitch got issues. Same as Watcher, Dimension wasnt always Dimension. Before she was Ellie a poor girl hated by her whole town because of the lies their mother spread about them and their father who had left years ago. She only had one friend, Watcher. Somehow they managed to make contact with each other despite being in different universes. Eventually Dimension snapped and went on a killing spree, slowly ripping apart her world in the process because this wasnt supposed to happen (think spiderverse canon events but different ill explain later) with her world crumbling around her, Dimension messages Ena one last time, not knowing Ena was already long gone, and accepts what they assume to be death only to fall into whats basically the anti void from utmv, gets corrupted and became a villain technically more of a multiversal criminal.

(For time and length reasons im cutting this segment short)

Multiverse stuff

OKAY TIME FOR WORLD BUILDING

How does what happened to Dimension's universe work? The way i explained it is like spiderverse canon events but different, but heres the details. Idk how to explain this but bare with me

Imagine each universe as a game in a folder on a computer. Each game has different code, story, art assets basically all are mostly different.

Most games are coded to have very specific story events and when something goes wrong everything breaks. Like take a spaghetti thing of code that shatters the moment you try to do something like trying to talk with an npc while having a status effect and thats how some of these worlds are like. And Dimension's was very much one of those worlds, and her breaking down like that shattered the code of their world and everything fell apart.

Im too tired to continue but my main multiverse is like one big computer own by a game creator who only sometimes knows how to make a stable game

Feel free to ask about any of what ive just ramblef about am always willing to ramble bout my stuff

[kill0mtr]

25 for your oc verse!

25. best scene you havent yet written, but have an idea for?

context i guess?? seth goes to a seer to ask about his family. a seer (fortune teller thats actually legit, though they are quite vague and sometimes misleading) tells seth that he can find his family in a church down the street, he hasnt seen his family in YEARS, and he KNOWS his bio family is dead, so whats the seer up to?

(under the cut cuz it got long sorry)

seth (element of darkness) goes into a church building. the walls are wooden, with a red-purple carpet adorning the floor. seth is slowly but surely stepping towards where an altar would be, but instead theres a curtain covering the stage (idk what its called... yknow how in a church you go up some stairs and theres the altar and everything??? idk) the curtains a pale purplish blue. he grips the curtains, and tears them back, revealing a man writing something at a desk. the man looks up, and his eyes widens at seth. seth immediately summons shadows around him, getting into defensive.

the man stares at him, before raising his hand in greeting. "hello, are you alright?" seth makes the shadows recede, not realizing he had gone defensive. "im f-fine. i was, uh, told by a seer that my... family, uhm, would be here? who are you? you... are, uhm... well, uh, not who im trying to find." the man chuckles, eyes softening in understanding.

"my name is timothy. this church is now my home, as it was abandoned many years ago. and a seer, you say? you are aware that they mislead you, if they so desire?" timothy, a man in his middle ages with grey in his otherwise thick brown hair, plays with a clock hes working on. seth places his hand together, looking pensive.

"ah...then, uhm... i've been f-fooled? thats... i spent a few coins for that..." timothy looks at him. "how old are you, young man?" "i'll be turning, uhm, 21 in the fall, sir." timothy nods. "you remind me of my daughter. though... she's been missing... for quite a while now. she was quiet, and quite polite... i miss her, but i have not a clue where to start looking."

seth stared at him, memories of a fuzzy childhood coming to the forefront. "your...uhm, daughter? what...what was her name?" timothy paused his fiddling, face scrunching up. "sabrina... she disappeared when she was... oh, god, when she was 13. she... i should've been a better father. it's been 8 years and i never looked for her. i should have. i could have. i had all the time in the world, but..."

timothy paused his monolouge, noticing the pale face on seth. "oh! i apologize, you probably do not want to hear an old man ramble about missing children. you said you were trying to find your family?"

"sabrina. sabrina umbrud?" seth shakily asked, taking a step forward. "how... how did you know her last name? not just her last name, but mine as well. who are you?!" timothy reached for a screwdriver, eyes trained on seth's face.

"because, uh... i... i am... well, wow, this is..." seth fumbled over his words, looking around like the words would physically appear if he did. after a moment, seth blurted out, "do you know what transgender means?"

timothy looked bewildered, before his face morphed into understanding. "oh. is... are you implying what i think you are?"

seth nods quickly, shame creeping into his face. "i- yeah, i mean i- y'know, the hormones kind of changed my face, and i totally forgot about you, which, y'know, i REALLY shouldn't forget my own adoptive father, and-"

a hug interrupted him.

"i'm not sure i believe this, fully. but if this is real, and you are to be my... son. then... i'm sorry, i never looked for you. i... are you still- what should i call you?"

"seth. hi."

"seth... it's a nice name. i guess that seer was correct, after all."

-

ermm. i have no idea how to write characters. or if thats like, organic??? also this kinda turned into an actual story, oops

[fluffyheretic]

i dont think anyone remembers this but a good while ago i mentioned on here my desire to make a dragon dating sim. i didnt have any details or anything but i surprisingly got a few ppl showing support

for some reason i just felt like throwing out there that i didnt forget abt it. im working on it just incredibly slowly bc school and depression are kicking my ass lol but. slow and steady wins the race?

i have some general ideas, the setup, character personalities and some designs (but no names bc im so bad at those, theyll come eventually i just gotta make sure theyre Perfect lol)

i could talk abt it a lil more but yeah mostly i just had the sudden urge to say. thats a thing still! lol! hopefully i have something more substantial to share sooner than later

[fizzingwizard]

today fizz’s workplace drama unexpectedly reached a fever pitch

so morning meetings used to be a time where we got updates for the week, found out which kids were absent, and coordinated stuff with each other. but this year, and especially this autumn, I have started to dread them because the “updates” are always like this:

coworker A is out sick and we have no one to cover for her

here is a new assignment

and another new assignment

also because coworker A is out we will be redoing the day’s schedule and you are all losing at least 30 min of prep time

also also... here’s another new assignment

what they never do say in these meetings: we realize we’ve put way too much on your plates even for a normal day, let alone when we’re understaffed and overworked, so we’re going to give you more time for X and nix Y completely!

yeah. pretty much this is how it is every day.

soooo what happened is at todays meeting, I was actually feeling ok, been dealing with colds all autumn but am finally feeling like my normal self and had energy etc. so that’s why I’m surprised this happened today of all times, but I guess the stress has been building and building...

so, first, one of our team leads is out and we don’t know who’s gonna fill in for her, so the kids in her class might get juggled into the rest of our classes. then there’s an announcement that, for our big winter performance, teachers will also be doing a skit. each grade will make a skit and perform it before the kids performances.

everyone: ok sounds good

me: not to be a downer but who is going to watch the kids while we’re performing? we are not having help from the sister school this year so it would only be the other grade’s teachers with all 80 of our students while the performing grade’s teachers are on stage

leader: its ok we’ll figure it out

me: also when are we going to make these skits? most of us havent even completed the kids performances yet.

leader: we will discuss it at the meeting on friday

me: okay but just to point out, friday is november 19. november is almost over. the performance is less than three weeks away.

coworkers: ...

me: usually by this time of year we have a completed script and set guide, notices about costumes went out at the beginning of the month, and we’re getting ready for our first rehearsal at the performance venue. we have barely begun any of that. by the way when are we having the rehearsal?

leader: we are not having a rehearsal.

so this is when i start to lose my shit yall...

me: no rehearsal?? but how are we going to know timing - what props needs to go out, what goes in what order, who says what when, and how helpers should help the performing classes? not to mention by not even going once our kids (1-3 years old) will be completely unfamiliar with the venue. and then we’re going to add a teacher’s performance and not practice how it fits in with the kids’ performances to make sure everything goes smoothly?

coworkers: ....

me: look I might be the only one feeling this way -

coworkers: (EMPHATICALLY) no you are not the only one

me: - but this just seems unrealistic to me. in the time between now and the performance we have 5 separate event days where we cant even practice in our classes for the play. so that’s three weeks minus five days to get everything ready, and we are only getting 15-30 min of prep randomly assigned during the day. when are we practicing this teacher skit together, let alone writing it? please we are so busy and understaffed we dont need more stress we need stress taken away

leader: but we are required to have the teacher skit (lol we werent required last year, thanks covid, we also randomly weren’t required this year for the summer performance, just all of sudden now it’s essential...)

initially all i meant to say was “are we sure this is realistic?” i never meant to go off with a laundry list of obstacles. it really isn’t even about the teacher skit. that’s a minor thing - we could probably half-ass it and no one would notice.

this is about the fact that all year, management has just kept stacking more and more on our plates and taken nothing away to compensate. they are even acting like rules which didnt exist before covid DID exist and refuse to go back to the way things were even if there’s no need for the rule anymore (not because covid isn’t still a thing to worry about, but because they are NOT worrying about it, and these were bad rules that were just for show in the first place and did nothing to prevent sickness).

this is about how they have continued on like nothing is the matter even though we were already understaffed to begin with and last month one of our coworkers quit so we have been perpetually short a teacher since then. this also puts that coworker’s class under ratio. i dont know what the law is - the ratio is being managed by always having a sub in her place - which is fine - but the trouble is very often that sub is not a teacher, they are office staff. it’s not about licensing because that’s not a requirement for our level, but it is about familiarity with the routine, the kids, and uh, also kind of about caring about quality control...

the office staff are great dont get me wrong but they are not teachers. plus they have their own work to do so they often can’t stay the whole day and switch out with someone else halfway through which causes issues. like today, we had three teachers switching between three classrooms and none of them were sure where they were supposed to be, which caused a hallway traffic jam and me standing in the bathroom with 15 kids.

and this is about how we dont get the break/prep time that is in our contracts ever, and when we mention it are told “You get more than so-and-so at the other school.” and also got told in one wonderful training session “if you are having trouble completing all your assignments, that means your have poor time management skills.” LOL LOL LOL

everyone i know at this job busts their ass day in day out. for preschool wages. and we’re blamed for kids getting hurt or work not being completed, as if the real problem is we have way too much paperwork, and the building is NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN. that is my honest feeling. like. i know its japan, but its 80 kids under 4 basically in a hallway. the reason they get hurt half the time is there are too many of them in one space and they cant play without kicking each other in the head by accident. tell me what teachers are supposed to do, use a magic spell to make the room larger on the inside only???

and i am so exhausted all the time. my one coworker is a leader and leaders have been given an exceptional amount of assignments and meetings this year compared to others. i hardly see her after class time. my other coworker is part time. because she’s part time, she gets less break time, so she is always on supervision duty. they are both great coworkers but i am just left with so much of the classroom work to do on my own, and so little time to do it.

i am still not taking regular breaks. lately i go get my phone and take it with me to do prep. if im on the computer, i browse my phone while waiting for the slow ass computers to finally load fucking google, lol. that’s my break: five minutes waiting for the school computers to warm up.

so anyway. while i was giving this impromptu speech my voice started to shake. i was like holy hell what am i getting so emotional for?? and i had to apologize “sorry i didnt mean to get emotional” because that was not at all my intention. im only glad i didnt cry (tho i have come very close to crying at least three times this year).

but at one point i was just going “this is too much, we’re all saying were fine but it’s not fine, it’s too much” and that is pretty dramatic

like it’s hard to remember how dramatic i was, because i felt weirdly fine while it was going on. my voice was shaking but inside i wasn’t feeling anything but just kinda blah. it was weird. so i actually went around the day normally and forgot about the morning until after the kids went to nap and other coworkers came and talked to me about the morning meeting.

coworker a: im glad you spoke up, someone needed to

coworker b: i get it. i never say anything because i figure no one will listen

coworker c (my co-teacher): im so sorry that you’ve had to do so much lately. we are hiring a new teacher so hopefully that will help get things back to normal.

which, that will def be nice, to have another permanent teacher. but first she has to be trained so she won’t be on board officially till jan at the earliest. and then she’ll still be a newbie. and regardless. even with a full staff, my opinion is we have too much too do. so. there’s that.

at least im encouraged that my coworkers didnt seem put off by what i said and seem to support me. im mildly embarrassed but not as much as i think i would have been just because this has been simmering for so long and i just feel like i dont care what management has to say, im just right, this is too much and something has got to give. always a dangerous way to feel which is why i never complained before but i guess that whole “sudden teacher skit addition/ no dress rehearsal” bit just surprised it out of me.

i could go on and on and on but i already have lots of times on this blog.

i will say my co-teacher was noticeably nicer than usual to me today - not that she isn’t normally nice, she is great, but she was paying more attention to me and whether i needed help with things. the communication in my class between teachers imo has taken a bit of downward curve this autumn. we all get along and work together well, but it’s another price of how insanely busy we’ve been, we just dont have the energy to talk to each other on top of dealing with the kids’ behavior. we dont even see each other outside of class time because of those schedule differences.

and that connects with what for me is the bottom line: i like it when i have good communication with my coworkers. i like it when my kids can enjoy the crafts and activities we do and not rush through them. i like when i can take a child having a behavior issue aside and calmly work it out with them, and not make them have to wait until i’m not covered in poo or something before i can address it. that is a good classroom which can do those things. right now we manage it some of the time, because we really do love these kids, but not all of the time. despite our best efforts.

i was this close to applying for a new job last week. have thought about it often this year but always im like “what if im unreasonable. what if nowhere else is any better.” because overall i like so many things about my current job. i absolutely would not want to leave if just a few things were different.

but those things are not going to change and at this point i am really feeling like its time to move on.

my school considers itself high quality but i do not feel like we are quality right now. and all it would take to get things at least reasonably back to normal would be loosening the reins just a little - canceling one of the minor events, for instance, or decreasing the number of extracurriculars, or taking on fewer students... preferably only as many as can comfortably all be in the tiny school building at once.

but these things are not going to happen because apparently “doing everything by the book even at the expense of kids and teachers well being” is of paramount importance. also parents pay for those extracurriculars, cant get rid of those! and more students means more tuition and we need their money as long as we’re still in ratio!

lol lol lol.

ps i think ratios should be adjusted based on the size of the school. 1:6 in a large classroom is not the same as 1:6 in a cardboard box. but maybe im just batshit.

[uwua3]

Hello! Sunflowers hold a really special meaning for me so when i read the "sunflower dreams" My heart was so happy!! I havent felt this happy in a long time since quarantine started so thank you for taking the time to write it! It really made my day. If i could request a kazunari x reader where they're both artists that would be amazing. Maybe the reader can be a famous anonymous art influencer? Its up to you! Again thank you so much for writing "sunflower dreams" 💜

i’m so happy i could make you smile ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) it’s messages like these that absolutely make my day! thank you so much for taking your time to even read it, i’m glad to know it touched your heart ♡ i hope you have a good rest of your day—please know all of a3! love you vvv much!!! ｀･ω･)9 i hope this makes your heart happy just like before! thank you, anon, for everything

summary: every time you fell in love, you made a new art piece

author’s note: please smile from this absolutely soft and endearing kazunari fluff! in times like these where negativity is all around us, it’s good to take a break and purposely give yourself happiness. i hope this is a light in your day and makes you experience all the goodness of love! ♡ — concept based on “to all the boys i’ve loved before”

word count: 3,389

music: i like me better – lauv

to everyone i’ve loved before.

🌻🎨 miyoshi kazunari

you created art every time you had a crush so intense, you didn’t know what else to do

no matter how big or small it was, or how long or short it lasted, love is love. even if it was a random stranger you’d never see again or someone you knew for a lifetime, love is love

therefore, there was no exact total. because even if you didn’t remember every single person you’ve made art for, you clearly remembered what it was like experiencing the euphoria of love. the phenomenon of your heart selflessly beating for someone else. the attack of getting hit by cupid’s arrow out of no where. the rush of emotions unlike any other

love was everywhere and you made sure to create something that was a memory of it. that was when you decided to practice art after being unable to recall a person’s face a moment too long

it was your form of a love letter. a picture spoke a thousand words you couldn’t write, and art was the perfect way to convey that. online for everyone to see were your love letters in art form: portraits of everyone you’ve loved

you fell in love again and again, a new art piece posted soon over the years of your life. under the username, to-everyone-ive-loved, a lifelong project was in the works for all of social media to see

unknown to the rest of the world, you were the artist behind the blog “to-everyone-ive-loved” who created portraits from memory

but, you didn’t mean to fall in love with another artist as well

all it took was one comment and you were theirs

it was one of your most recent posts, a finished piece on a stranger you saw. you found yourself in veludo way, the ideal street to find people you’d never forget. after witnessing a sudden street act, only one actor caught your eye that day

you didn’t know his name, but you didn’t need to. you were in love

you immediately rushed home without a second thought, the inspiration and creativity infectious after watching him perform. something about his energy was wildly entertaining and bizarre, like a modern pop song as a person. he was effortlessly trendy, popular, and charismatic just from the few minutes you saw him

the moment he stood up on that street corner like it was a stage, all eyes were on him and he knew it. as you sketched into the day, you remembered the small details clearly. dirty blonde hair with no dark roots in sight, glittering green eyes, wide welcoming smile. he had the face of an actor, that’s for sure

when you posted it right after finishing, you didn’t expect any major attention. on average, your posts got 100 likes or so. while it was an impressive feat, nothing could’ve prepared you for that one comment

kaz-PIKO: i’m in love with your art ♡

as your popularity and fame grew before your very eyes, you clicked on his profile and realized it was him. the actor you had seen earlier at veludo way

you didn’t know what happened, but all you knew was you couldn’t forget this one person, miyoshi kazunari, no matter how hard you tried

no matter where you went, you couldn’t draw anyone else except that boy named kazunari. after scrolling through his entire instablam account, you found out he was an actor for mankai company’s summer troupe. he was a star in his own right, with a stage presence like the spotlight was constantly on him and a heart of gold

this was the first time you ever got so caught up on someone that they didn’t leave your mind. hours became days, and days began becoming a week before you let yourself follow him back

everyone you had ever drawn had never recognized themselves before. it was all because a follower connected the visual similarities between your art and kazunari’s unique traits that kazunari knew you had seen him before

if only he wasn’t a social media influencer with followers reaching the hundreds of thousands. at least, his popularity attracted attention to your profile...

this was a problem, however. because if you couldn’t draw anyone else, what could you do? once again, you stalked kazunari’s blog once again like it was a habit

it was never really a rule to make one love letter per person, but you never had wanted to make another for the same person. until, now

video after video. picture after picture. story after story. you could see kazunari’s face even when you closed your eyes. what about him made you daydream about him constantly? was it his charming voice that could make anyone stop and stare? his intricate piercings that were different every day? his ability to make you feel at home? whatever it was (or maybe it was an accumulation of everything and more), you had to draw kazunari again

when you posted it, you typically didn’t add more to the caption than the date and time. except this time, you felt like all your rules were being broken over someone who had no idea who you were

to-everyone-ive-loved-before: XX/XX/20 (3:33 A.M.) — social butterfly

you watched it upload. it was a piece you had never done before. glowing butterflies of all colors surrounded the center of the masterpiece, a smiling kazunari

hopefully, this would solve whatever feelings you were having and the world would go back to normal. you’d move on, fall in love with someone else, and repeat

it didn’t work, because some time later, you woke up to a comment that made you feel the butterflies in your stomach

kaz-PIKO: like a butterfly, i’ll fly to you, wherever you are~ ☆

and for some reason, you wanted kazunari to find you

you had never felt so motivated to draw before. however, your muse was the same. a beautiful boy named miyoshi kazunari who was slowly capturing your heart without even knowing it. you watched the pages in your sketchbook lessen and lessen. the corners of assignments and napkins and anything in between was covered in doodles. if there was a writing instrument in your hand, something related to kazunari would come out of it

it was a fascination. a fixiation, even. you had only seen one performance before falling in love. was it because kazunari responded that it made you feel like you had a chance?

you wouldn’t admit it, but it was becoming embarrassing with how much you were staring at the few unread messages from kazunari in your dm box. they came in right after you had followed him back, and more arrived when you posted the “social butterfly” piece

what was stopping you from talking to your muse? you knew the answer without thinking: what if these feelings were real?

obsessions and crushes come and go, but... love, love stayed. there wasn’t any possibility you could love someone from afar without knowing anything about them, right?

but, then again... you did know some things about kazunari. you knew kazunari was the best actor of all time, with expressions and gestures the equivalent of art. kazunari was art—in every single way possible. everything about him made you want to draw and draw and draw

you only drew kazunari for a certain time, no matter which stranger crossed your path. people you knew you would’ve sketched simply became passer-bys, and it was all because of kazunari’s sunny smile that you were in love. or, what you thought was love

the more you thought about kazunari’s unread dms, the more you wondered what this was. why did kazunari make you so happy? was this truly the first time you were experiencing... a crush?!

for the first time since that street act, you found yourself in veludo way. while half of you was hoping you’d randomly bump into summer troupe’s moodmaker, the other half was petrified about how kazunari was a real person. a very much popular, recognizable person

it was the weekend, and the burden of university projects was telling you to go back and focus. yet, with a sketchbook in one hand and a pencil tucked behind your ear, you were very much prepared to draw to your heart’s content

as you tried to flip to a clean page, you heard something that made your heart flutter. despite the noise and busy atmosphere of veludo, a distinct laugh was audible above the crowd. when you looked up, your eyes barely registered a deep blue jacket before walking straight into the person

you nearly tumbled to the ground before two hands steadied you, a surprised “whoa!” leaving their mouth before being followed by a gentle laugh. the usual embarrassment didn’t set in until you went to go thank the person, only to stop

oh my god. you had just bumped into miyoshi kazunari, your muse for the past month or so

kazunari grinned, even though it faltered slightly at your wide-eyed expression and awkward silence. he didn’t seem to mind as he adjusted his black top hat, pocketing his phone and confidently meeting your gaze

“i’m so sorry~! i hope you’re okay, i’m kazunari!” kazunari introduced and you realized he didn’t know you were behind to-everyone-ive-loved-before. you quickly adjusted yourself, pretending as if this wasn’t the highlight of your entire week

when you introduced yourself, kazunari’s eyes sparkled with interest as he easily led you into conversation. despite being a bit of a socially awkward artist who preferred being alone over anything else, kazunari was... comfortable. you didn’t feel self-conscious of how you acted, because he readily accepted how you were with a smile

was he like this was everyone or... did he find you to be a work of art, too?

standing off to the side, you finally noticed several members of mankai were advertising their latest play. bright, aesthetically pleasing flyers were being handed out to everyone walking by, and you seemed to look a moment too long before kazunari followed your gaze and suddenly snapped his fingers

“oh! are you interested in theatre?” you really weren’t, but you nodded anyways just to see kazunari’s excitement. he pardoned himself for a moment just to snatch a flyer, returning to show it off with a proud smile

“please come to mankai company’s summer performance!” kazunari’s smile sparkled and before he looked around to see if anyone was watching, he winked. kazunari covered the side of his face that was facing his troupe members, pretending as if you two were sharing some big secret

“plus, i’ll be there. if you come, i’ll make sure to do my very best~” kazunari bargained, even though you already knew he was already planning on wowing the audience with his charisma. you took in his genuine want to impress you and the butterflies came back

“i’ll come.” you agreed without even checking the date or reading anything. now all of you just wanted more & more opportunities as the person kazunari was surprisingly interested in, not as the artist who was basically in love with him

agreeing right away was worth it when kazunari shot you a grateful, blinding smile in return. you stumbled over your words with how taken back you were, but asked anyways, “do you like flowers?”

kazunari’s eyes softened for a moment, his usual energy suddenly gone before returning. he seemed genuinely moved by your question, and you wondered how many flowers it’d take to see him smile again like that

“i do, especially if they’re from you.”

“what kind?”

someone called kazunari’s name, insisting they were going to be late for practice. kazunari shouted back an agreement by telling them to go ahead first, before putting all his attention on you once again

“hibiscus.” meaning delicate beauty

before kazunari could ask for your socials, with his hand already reaching for his phone, you cut him off, hoping your voice wasn’t off

“next week. 7 P.M., mankai theatre. i’ll be there, front row.” you promised and took off, rushing off with a wave as kazunari stared after you for a second before waving back enthusiastically

as you left, kazunari was about to leave before he noticed something on the ground. it was a plain sketchbook, unassuming at first but it was nearly bursting at the binding with how many pages there were

when kazunari picked it up, he was about to flip to the first page before mankai called his name again, impatient this time. kazunari held onto the book and sent one last glance towards your direction before disappearing, hurrying to make sure the director wouldn’t penalize him for being the reason everyone was late

when you arrived home, you instinctually reached for the pencil behind your ear. at the same time, you put your hand in your bag, attempting to feel the familiar edges of your sketchbook

then, after turning your bag inside out and finding nothing, you collapsed onto your desk chair with shock and disbelief

you lost your sketchbook in veludo way the moment you met kazunari. what if he had it?

you drew another piece and stared at your screen, wondering if you should post it. it was kazunari once again with a yellow hibiscus flower behind his ear, the same gentle smile you couldn’t perfectly capture gracing his lips

you typed the caption and backspaced before settling on something that only you and him would know

to-everyone-ive-loved-before: XX/XX/20 (8:01 P.M.) — delicate beauty

you hesitated before deleting the post a second after. maybe, you’d keep some artwork to yourself

kazunari had the sketchbook open next to his bedside, his phone in his hands and your profile open. he could recognize your art style a mile away, and the moment he saw the first sketch after practice, he couldn’t believe it

did this explain why he felt such a natural attraction to you? when you bumped into him, kazunari swore he could see the sparks flying. you made him feel like he was falling in love and you only proved him right when you two talked earlier. he wanted to know everything about you, he wanted to see you again

was this what love at first sight felt like? kazunari giddily typed a message over and over again, the unread messages of his filling his screen

kaz-PIKO: heya!! ★>d(,,･ε´-,,)⌒☆ just wanted to say i LOVE your art fr!!! we should totes collab, you know???

kaz-PIKO: thanks for drawing me btw :0 does this mean you live near veludo? let’s meet up!!!

kaz-PIKO: ,,, i don’t usually say this but, that social butterfly piece was breathtaking. you must really like me, huh? (･ω<)☆ jk haha

kaz-PIKO: no but really, it’s beautiful. thank you, honestly. it made my day, you make me happy ♡

kaz-PIKO: you must be really beautiful, too. i would want to draw you as well. lmk if ur up for that haha

kazunari read back his previous messages, all of them delivered but unopened. he realized how... how open he already was with the anonymous faceless artist, despite never interacting with them

now that he knew what you looked like, it only reassured his intuition that he was rightfully head over heels for you

kazunari typed something before deleting it, closing out of instablam and throwing his phone somewhere on his bed

kaz-PIKO: i was right, you are beautiful. i may have fallen in love, too

some things were better left unsaid. after all, you two had until next week to figure everything out

for the rest of the week, all you and kazunari did were think about the other person. a small part of you was afraid kazunari wasn’t the dream boy you imagined, but he was much more. you noticed he started posting more often and turned his notifications, wanting to be one of the first to see his practice videos and university selfies

you didn’t post any of the art you made of kazunari, making it the longest you hadn’t posted ever. kazunari couldn’t help but refresh your account every now and then, hoping he’d see his face again, as selfish as it was. kazunari wouldn’t know how’d he feel if he saw someone else had your heart

the longer time went on, the more you were certain. every fascination you had with someone was temporary, and you remembered the feeling rather than the person. but, with kazunari, you liked him for who he was. everything kazunari made you feel was new and exciting, but even when that went away, you still liked him

kazunari was your first crush, for real

kazunari liked making people like him. so, your online confession through art wasn’t exactly a surprise. but, yours was different. it was earnest, honest, and everything he didn’t know he was needing

kazunari looked through your sketchbook again and again, tracing over the notes you wrote in the margins and admiring your skill

kazunari liked you, and he was certain he would’ve still liked you even if you weren’t to-everyone-ive-loved-before

when showtime arrived, kazunari was oddly nervous. peeking from behind the red curtain, kazunari could already see you were one of the first sitting front row, just like you said. he had practiced his lines a thousand times and summer was fully prepared, why was he nervous?

before he went on, kazunari ignored the urgency of the mankai staff and quickly texted a message to your profile, hoping you’d at least see the notification this time

kaz-PIKO: i like you, too

(when you felt your phone buzz, you quickly silenced it)

the show moved you to a standing ovation, just like everyone else in the audience. as summer walked out to bow and express their gratitude, you watched kazunari’s eyes search for yours as he tilted his head towards backstage. you nodded, knowing you’d do anything to see this kazunari. actor kazunari, who was on cloud 9 with his performance and glowing from praise

you wanted to see, to experience, to draw, all versions of kazunari

after the applause, you looked around backstage before feeling a hand on your arm, the feeling reminiscent of the first time you bumped into kazunari

“you came.” kazunari breathlessly stated, as if he was surprised. before he could say anything else, you presented him with a bouquet of hibiscus flowers. the same shade of yellow you drew him with

“of course, i wanted to see you again.” you honestly admitted, knowing it made you flustered. kazunari carefully took the flowers before grinning, gently placing then beneath his chin. he looked like a vision, you wish you could’ve asked him to stand still so you could capture this moment forever

“i wanted to see you, too.” kazunari softly said, all the energy of being on stage gone. it was tranquil and peaceful, like you two were the only people in the entire theatre

kazunari took a moment to admire you before realizing something, taking something from behind him and presenting it to you. it was your sketchbook on the bottom, but a smaller version was on top of it, signed in silver sharpie. kazunari’s signature was glittering like his eyes as you took it

“next time, let’s draw together.”

kazunari’s sketchbook was filled with you. anything from small doodles to encouraging messages was found inside, with tens of post-it notes of just thoughts about you. kazunari’s art was colorful and extremely out of the box compared to his usual traditional style. it made you smile

kazunari watched you flip through it, already knowing this was the greatest act of love he could’ve declared this early on. he anticipated for you to reach the end

when you landed on the last page, you saw a note

do you want go on a date with me?

“next time, respond to my dms! that way i don’t have to write everything~!” kazunari teased and you two shared a laugh, knowing everything was going to be okay

“yes.”

“yes...?”

“yes, i’ll respond to your dms. and yes, i’ll go on a date with you.”

eventually, you ended up closing your blog for good. your last post was a picture of you and kazunari, with one caption

to-everyone-ive-loved-before: XX/XX/20 (3:33 P.M.) — to the one boy i love now, i love you

kaz-PIKO: i love you, too ♡

[zontiky]

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry. 

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

[youssefguedira]

Aaah I've been absolutely living for your zelda au posts!!! I want to know everything- there's too much I can't think of where to start!!! I'm gready for absolutely any more details you want to want to share!!! (also, thank you so much for puttling those posts out in the world- your writing is just amazing and beautiful and you're just fab)

anon this is so sweet i wasn't sure anyone was actually paying attention to that au bc it's uh. pretty specific to me personally. so it's really nice to hear that someone is actually reading them and enjoying them!!!!! so, here are some thoughts i have about how nicolo gets the master sword because this is one of the things ive been thinking about recently. along with how they actually get together romantically but i'm not going to tell you that i would like to keep some things a surprise. i also am putting it under a cut bc it got long:

- i know there's no triforce in breath of the wild but i don't care this is my zelda au and i'll do what i want. for non-zelda fans, the triforce is basically the ultimate power, usually split into three pieces, which are courage power and wisdom. princess zelda holds the triforce of wisdom, ganon holds power, and link holds courage. so in this case yusuf's got wisdom (well. not yet) and nicolo has courage.

- i know in botw link got the master sword when he was like 12 but again i'll do what i want. i still havent finalised how old they are yet but theyre not 17.

- so onto what actually happens. at this point, they don't know who has been chosen to be the hero. nicolo has already been assigned as yusuf's bodyguard, the divine beast pilots have been chosen and are currently staying at hyrule castle, and nicolo and yusuf are just about reaching the friends stage.

- so. one morning yusuf wakes up to find nicolo at his door looking a more than a little bit freaked out. yusuf is, you know, worried about this, and nicolo shows him the mark of the triforce on the back of his hand, which appeared during the night after a weirdly vivid dream he had about a forest and a sword in a stone pedestal.

- (now as a quick side note - while in the zelda games the triforce always just looks glowy and gold and cool on the back of link's hand, nicolo's mark looks like a burn mark or a brand. this is because one of the main points in this au is that the triforce/being chosen is a burden more than anything else. it is unwanted. it is stressful. it often results in painful death. the zelda games occasionally hint at this but they're made for children 7+ so don't go into it. i, however, very much do. the triforce can be considered both a blessing and a curse, as it grants you abilities but also forces you to fulfil a destiny you may never have wanted. yusuf's feelings on it are complicated but he mostly considers it to be a curse. we don't see nicolo's feelings on it directly as the first part is written from yusuf's point of view but i will tell you that he has a complicated relationship with it too. this will be hinted at in part 2 but that is... also complicated bc reasons. this was not a quick side note at all. oops)

- that aside, yusuf knows exactly what the mark means, of course. because when his mother died and his father got weird about training he made it a point to learn as much about all of this stuff to try and figure out how to access the sealing power. it didn't work, but this does mean he knows what it means

- so, he takes nicolo to see his father, because he's not quite sure what else to do. long story short they organise a journey to the lost woods, where the master sword is. i probably won't actually call it the master sword within the fic but i'm referring to it that way here. (for non zelda fans: the master sword is the only weapon that can harm calamity ganon. at least in this au, because technically anything can harm ganon in botw but again i do what i want) the champions go along because i like them.

- another important detail in this is that while the mark of the triforce means nicolo is the one destined to wield the master sword, but that does not automatically make him worthy of it. the master sword stands as a test. if you try to pull it from the stone and you are not worthy, you just straight up die. again with the idea of destiny being a curse i feel like i mention that a lot. (it's a test of courage, see: you have to be willing to try anyway, despite knowing you could die. you must also be like kind and not evil or whatever)

- nicolo's not going to die (yet) but you know. nobody knows that. so understandably it's a little stressful. yusuf maybe tries to talk him out of doing it or something idk yet. perhaps tries to call it off when he sees nicolo in pain. but nicolo does get the sword in the end

- and yusuf has... complicated feelings about this. because you see he has been training for years, and he has achieved nothing, and now nicolo has the master sword. in yusuf's eyes, he is everything he is supposed to be, and yusuf is still a failure. (his father also says something like "finally, we are making progress" because yusuf's father is kind of a jerk)

- he gets a little withdrawn after this but then nicolo comes to find him after he doesn't see him at dinner (with cake. this actually happens on two separate occasions in the fic because i have a lot of thoughts and feelings about nicolo acts of service di genova and food as an expression of love) and they like. talk and stuff

- this is an important stage in their relationship tho because before they have been pretty formal with each other and almost-friends but not quite there and this is what moves them past that stage. yusuf is finally able to actually talk to someone. so is nicolo. i am not describing all of it because i do want to leave some things as a vague surprise but yeah

- so that's how nicolo gets the master sword

[sunkissedchldrecon]

🌻 FEEDBACK TIME HOOOORAAAAY 🌻

helloooo hellooooo 🥳✨ thank you so much to answered my ask games and i'm so happy to know it ✨✌️

for chan's gif : thats no need 😎 yes you know right, he really suits with that black hair! *i mean eventhough he oftenly changes his hair colors, but the black one make more impact on him💞" idk how to describe it, i find on God's Menu era, he really catch my eyes 👀 we know that he is charismatic ✅ cute ✅ also sexy *OMG* ✅ but with his black hair, its give him more positive impact on those aspects 🖐️ let's manifest chan will have black hair again on another comeback 🕯️🙏

*yo mr.bangchan i hope you can read this ahahaha*

• now i'm curious, is chan your bias if you like skz?

i would say yes. on the first era, i mean hellevator era, my bias was hyunjin. but after the time goes by idk chan has something who can attract me to get know more about him?? i luv how charismatic, open minded yet talented he is! and he also a libra and yeah i think it made me more get attract to him 🐺🤍 how about you? are we sharing the same bias on skz?

• the way that changbin comes in on both songs is wild, but with thunderous?? let me just say i'm happy it's a part of the fan chat because it's well deserved 💀

yo! you right. i think thunderous might be his era. we know when changbin spitted his rap, that holds power. but on thunderous, i think it made the song more alive *the reason i'm addict with this song honestly caused of changbinnie's rap 🖐️🤫*

anyway thank you so much for saying happy birthday to me 😺 thats a kind of youuuuu✨

and let's we talk about the feedback of your reading :

🍱 𝗚𝗢𝗗'𝗦 𝗠𝗘𝗡𝗨

• your passion is addicting. you're the type of person that goes after whatever they want. you will find a way to persue your dreams and have them come to fruition.

you right T____T i feel passionate if i have a dream. and right now i feel on the crossroads and maybe on the dark phase, that make me feel dream is just a sweet word. but after know it, i think i need to believe in myself again like theres nothing i can do❤️ i hope i can find the way *and may God clear and lead my path* to reach that beautiful dream✨🌻 love to see this word.

• i would say you might be good at manifestation, but the energy of this reading seems like you just snatch what you what so you don't even have to manifest if that makes sense lol.

i havent reach what i want cause of my own mistakes and lack of support, even have big problems on my reality too. and to know it, i wish i can gain more power to manifest good things in my life 💞 thank you, these words assure me to reach and being brave to know another side of me better.

• this makes people want to be friends with you because you may encourage them to do the same.

oh yes i think i can resonate with it. thanks God to know people love my support. because i believe, we are talented in our way and may they can reach what they deserve.

⚡️𝗧𝗛𝗨𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥𝗢𝗨𝗦

• people envy you because of the opportunities and luck that come to you.

oh seriously T___T even my ownself honestly always envy with people's luck and how their opportunities. it was fun to know we get envy on each other 😅

• they're jealous of your confidence and the way you uphold yourself. they're also envious because you don't let others' perception of you keep you from being successful.

OMG this word boost my confidence. because i always see myself on low point, but maybe i havent yet reach this stage. but i believe one day i will and show 'em like "this is me"

*yeah "this is me song" suddenly played in my head*

overall, i love your reading and feeling thankful because i can see myself on another perspective ✨🖐️ love the way you represent it to make it clear and good for people to read. may universe bless you always 🌻 nice to know you, and have a nice day!

*clap clap* 👏

lemme end this feedback with this cutie wolf channie 🐺❤️

p.s : i'm really sorry for this long writing and thank you for said my username is *cough* cute 🙈

ty for both chan pics you put in here 😭ily forever and ever because of it

black hair just hits different on him, but you know what other color does? BLONDE! we almost got it after the orange faded but div. one took it from us 😭😭

i actually have four skz biases, and chan is in fact one of them (he's a recent addition). also, don't ever feel bad about leaving long feedback!! it helps me a lot, and i like knowing what all resonated and what didn't! i'm happy you enjoyed, and i wish you well in your future endeavors 💛💛

[randomoranges]

one day i will sit down like a normal person and write things in a semblance of order. until then here’s the part 3 of a thing i havent even started yet, but the other 2 parts are like - associated in theme only and nothing else. but yall know how it is, you cater to the fic that wants to cooperate first and such.

anyways, this idea’s been lurking in the back of my head for a bit now and i like softs and i need softs. 

so voilà, softs.

Relationship Status: conjoint

20XX

 They’re out and about, enjoying a rather pleasant day, when they stop for an obligatory ice cream at one of Étienne’s favourite places. It’s after they’re both seated and the ice cream half finished, that a stranger approaches them, who turns out to be one of Étienne’s friends.

 Étienne is quick to greet them with the usual hug and before he can get lost in playing catch up, he stops to make introductions, so that Edward won’t be excluded from this impromptu meeting.

 “Ed, this is my friend, Noah, Noah, lui c’est mon conjoint, Édouard.”

 Noah approaches to shake his hand and Edward’s mind stutters to a stop, but luckily, some back up part of it manages to say hello and return the handshake. With that taken care of, Edward’s mind plays the word conjoint over and over on a loop until it’s all he hears. Étienne doesn’t notice, busy chatting with Noah, until the other leaves and Étienne takes back his seat.

 Edward remains quiet, lost in his own thoughts, his ice cream slowly melting in its cup. It takes Étienne a while, but eventually he notices that Edward isn’t himself and turns with curious and slightly worried green eyes.

 “Everything okay?” He asks and Edward nods even though his mind shouts NO! – but, now is not the time to bring this up and really, he’s not even fully sure there’s anything to bring up anyways.

 Étienne doesn’t look convinced, but he lets it slide for now. Once they’re done, they head off to their next destination and Edward tries to go through the paces even though his mind is still reeling.

 It’s – unexpected. He had no expected it. Never, in a million years, would he have ever thought that Étienne, of all people, would have referred to him by that. He has no idea how he feels about it either and that’s the real problem. He’s been taken by surprise and – he’s not sure how to react properly.

 Eventually, they make it back home and Étienne lets Edward stew for a moment, while he replenishes Mercury’s food bowl and changes her water. Only after, once the laundry is started and the dishwasher is running does he take a seat next to Edward and confront him about whatever it is that’s been bothering it.

 “It’s nothing,” Edward says again, because – really, it’s not as if Étienne has insulted him.

 “Edward, don’t lie to my face. You’ve been quiet all the way back. Spill, what’s eating you?” He asks again and after so long of knowing him, it’s hard to pretend anymore.

 Edward sighs and looks away. He is annoyed that Étienne can’t let it go and annoyed at himself for reacting like this.

 “I can’t apologise and stop making you upset if I don’t know what I did wrong to upset you.” Étienne’s voice is small and if it wavers a little at the end, Edward wants to kick himself for it.

 He also wants to laugh. Of course, Étienne would assume he’d done something wrong, when he did anything but that. There may come a day when Étienne’s first instinct won’t be to think that he necessarily did something wrong, but clearly, today is not that day.

 “It’s not – you didn’t – I mean,” He tries to start but can’t find the words. They jumble and fight and instead, he lets out a frustrated groan. This is ridiculous. He’s a grown man. He and Étienne have known each other for lifetimes and have been together for ages. And yet.

 “You introduced me as your conjoint.” He finally manages to say, avoiding looking at Étienne, afraid he’s going to break his heart or that Étienne will think he’s ridiculous.

 He knows he is. He doesn’t need Étienne to confirm it as well.

 “What? When?”

 If anything, Étienne looks just as confused.

 “With Noah!” He doesn’t mean to get upset, but his tone of voice indicates otherwise. After all that and Étienne hadn’t even realised? Or remembered? Really?

 Étienne is silent for a moment and then gasps, apologetic and embarrassed, “Oh! Shit – sorry! I didn’t mean to!”

 And that – makes even less sense than any explanation Étienne could have ever given him.

 “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 This time, it’s Étienne who lets out a frustrated little sigh of his own and passes a hand through his curly locks.

 “It was an honest mistake, I swear. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that. I mean – I was thinking about it and I wanted to like, talk to you about it, but then we never got around to it and it was fine!” He sounds a little shrill and nervous, but Edward supposes it’s to be expected. This is all very new, after all and they’ve never been the model students when it comes to discussing their relationship. They’ve gotten better, sure, but the status quo has been a comfort zone of theirs and anything that could rock the boat has been avoided ad nauseam. “And then I was still thinking about it and Noah showed up and it just – slipped.” He shrugs, apologetic and nervous smile ever present on his face and once more, another situation has created out of – nothing really.

 “I’m sorry if it upset you, that wasn’t my goal and I don’t ever have to use the word on you ever again either.”

 “No, it’s fine – I don’t mind; it just took me by surprise and I guess I would’ve preferred a heads up, that’s all.” Again, he’s been called worse and he knows, really, that Étienne meant him no harm. After all, it was just a status word, really. There was nothing bad about it. It is just – very official. And – long lasting.

 Étienne smiles and reaches for his hand, lacing their fingers together and the action is familiar enough that it grounds Edward. It’ll still take him a moment to wrap his head around it, but he knows he’ll get there with time.

 “Just to make sure – you’re serious about this though?” He’s annoyed that there’s still a small part of him that fears this is all a clever joke, but he supposes that at this point it’s just part of his personality. There’s always some part of him, small as it may be, that doesn’t seem to want to get with the program and makes him worry until he gets clarification.

 Étienne, thankfully, knows this and gives his hand a gentle squeeze, “Of course; I mean – we’ve been together for a million years, even in the second edition and the term boyfriend sounds so – early stages. I mean, we don’t need labels and I’m not looking for one either, so I can use literally any other word you’d prefer, but I wanted an upgrade, I guess,” He laughs softly at his own joke and it warms even Edward’s heart.

 He’s quiet for a while, weighing the word and any other option he could use instead. It astounds him really, that after all these years they’re at this point. If anyone would have told him that first time he’d gone to bed with Étienne that they’d one day be here, sitting in Étienne’s living room, discussing relationship statuses, he would have never believed it. For starters, it wasn’t something they’d been after and afterwards, it had seemed like the last thing Étienne would ever offer him.

 And now they’re here. More than boyfriends. Partners, really, and Edward supposes they’ve been that for a while now. He knows, just like his relationship with Calvin, that this is something he wants. Long term. Even when Étienne drives him mad. But he loves him. Faults and madness alike.

 “No, it’s fine – I like it. Just give me a moment to catch my breath and it’ll be fine.”

 Étienne beams and leans over to peck his cheek, “Okay then – and, for the record, if you don’t want me to tell all my friends either, it’s fine. It can be just our thing too.”

 Edward ponders this as well. He feels as though they’ve spent most of their relationship keeping it on the down low. At first, he’d still been in the closet and had been afraid of being caught, so to say. Then, things had been new and fragile, so they hadn’t really said anything. But now...

 “How about this; I’d rather you not put it in all caps on a status update on social media, but if we run into friends of yours and you need to introduce me, I don’t mind.”

 “Don’t worry about that – that’s not my style, but got it,” Étienne slides closer and manages to barnacle himself around Edward, pulling him in for a hug, “Glad that’s settled though,” He sighs, content with the world, and let’s himself be held by Edward, who sits back and rubs his partner’s back.

 And – isn’t that a lovely thing to think; his partner.

 FIN

[cosmosrival]

👀 Does Kama like to peg Ash? 👀

u know what... ? u know what ?

KamAsh headcanons (AND NSFW HEADCANONS) time!!!!!! i don’t care anymore i had fun writing the kama*master ones 

so have these !!!!! might also become a character analysis and trivia because i cannot stay consistent when im talking about them !!!!

reminder bfore i start: ITS FINAL ASCENSION KAMA. NOT THE OTHERS. 

ok we’re good now

i think kama tops by default in every relationship they’re in, but their true strength resides in the fact that they are vers. and i believe that ash is ALSO vers. because flustered kama is a luxury and super cute and delicious and BECAUSE YOU WOULDNT LET YOUR GOD OF LOVE TOP YOU ???? ARE YOU SURE ??? YOU WOULDNT LET URSELF BE PAMPERED BY UR GOD ? ARE U REALLY SURE ?

ash is very cute because he’s gap moe, his respect for parvati shows that he’s not just a rage machine and can very much think normally like ur regular gold hearted delinquent anime boy !!!! god i Love him... anyway, i think he respects kama enough to look out for them and worship them like a proper God!! i believe that ash would call kama things like ‘your divinity’, ‘your grace’ (and if u have some jp knowledge, i think he’d add “-sama” to their name) because they... are god? (i think arjuna and karna also call them like this !! polite mahabharatan warriors are good boys)

since ash never married in the epic, i like to think that it’s because he was very much focused on his duty and ALSO because his participation in the war was out of loyalty towards king dhritarashtra and hastinapur so he was... perhaps planning on getting married once the war Ends ??? HE WAS OUT THERE FIGHTING !!!!!!! but we all know what happened to him (sheds a tear) 

anyway i think he’d be a bit of a masochist. (the room falls silent and you all look at me)

SORRY THAT WAS VERY HARDCORE ALL OF A SUDDEN but hear me out, FIRST OF ALL this man was able to endure an immortality curse until lord krishna eventually decided to free him so he’d join the throne and SECOND OF ALL, in his interlude he speaks of looking for ways to repent because he regrets what he’s done. and since we’re kinky over here, i’m gonna throw gentle femdom in the mix bc i think it fits them and its cute. especially because kama is literally the best person he could apologize to. and the only person who’d make his repentance pleasurable (because its their mcfreakin talent !!!!!) even if it technically wasnt his fault, i think his need to atone would just... overpower that and he’ll want to do anything kama wants, just to earn a crumb of forgiveness (without being desperate about it because... HES GOT AN EGO STILL, COME ON)

i like to think that he’s tried to apologize properly before... in a tense moment when they’re both more calm and alone. but kama stopped him because it’d just make things worse. if kama loses the need to have a grudge, will they even be useful as a servant anymore ? would they forgive themself for being so lenient ? forgiving their murderer’s protégé when they havent even had proper revenge ? kamadeva might have been a benevolent god before, but now they’re a lot more malicious (mara...) and this pointless anger would just make them look like an idiot (because servant shiva doesnt exist (YET?)). and i think ashwatthama would understand. 

so he won’t say the words “i’m sorry” because it’d just hurt them. 

THO WILL HE STOP LOOKING OUT FOR THEM AND SPOILING THEM ? no he will not

kama would find him interesting because he’s perfect bullying fodder but as i said before, it doesn’t work on ash. HE’S A WARRIOR ??? A CURSED IMMORTAL ? DO U THINK THAT PETTY PRANKS LIKE THE ONES KAMA DOES WOULD AFFECT HIM ? “are you bored ?” he asks while they’re trying to surprise him from behind and jumpscare him, without even turning to face them. kama groans in defeat.

SEDUCTION DOESNT WORK ON HIM EITHER AND THATS SO FUNNY but thats where it becomes subtle, he grows attached to them because they’ve gotten used to eachother’s presence (and strength in battle... small things like that). love can be born out of simple things!! blatant bimbo seduction doesn’t work on him but when he comes to wake kama up, and they’re too lazy to get up or float and groggily order him to lean forward so they can hold onto his shoulders so he’ll lift them up when he straightens himself is...

he’d find it cute. they’re cute. when they reach the cafeteria it’s still quite early and he already knows what they like to eat and get their plate ready for them while they’re waking up and yawning. god... they’re cute... its so subtle and cute...

......ok time to be horny !!! (TOMATOES GET FLUNG AT ME)

i think that they’d reach this stage after a while, when kama just gives up on bothering him cuz he’s annoyingly strong (and ganesha is more fun to bother anyway) and since they’re around eachother very often, kama would grow comfortable around him. same for ashwatthaman ! they’re very nice to be around when they’re calm and just chillin. 

the only teasing kama hasn’t tried on him is being openly horny and come onto him, asking him things about himself. and ash revealing that he’s never done these sorts of things before (HES A LIL MAD CUZ ITS EMBARRASSING ... DAMN... !!!), i think it’d give kama ideas. I MLAUGHING TYPING THIS BC I DIDNT THINK OF HOW THEY’D COAX HIM INTO GETTING NAUGHTY YET AND IT SOUNDS LIKE A BAD PORN INTRO AHHHHHHHHHHH

ok yeah like i said i didnt think of the coaxing yet but knowing ash, kama could turn it into a competition and make fun of him a little and he’s ready to go. arrogant dummy. 

he’s polite but his arrogance is a charm point because he’ll def want to prove himself to the god of carnal love. imagine kama’s reaction when he actually outfucks them.

HONESTLY ? I BELIEVE HIS WARRIOR STAMINA WOULD JUST BE INCREASED ONCE HE BECAME A SERVANT. AND KAMA WAS NEVER A WARRIOR theyre a lavish and lazy god.

BUT THEIR EGO IS WOUNDED and their shocked reaction is cute and ash wants to keep holding them for a little longer

their sessions genuinely feel like hatefucking at first since they’re both weirdly competitive like that but then, guilt hits and kama feels like an idiot because they just came onto someone thats supposedly their enemy??? and they’re a bit distant in the aftermath, they almost... look a little shy. 

ashwatthaman isnt beating himself over it as much as they are tho. it felt good, he got to see a new side of them he never thought he’d get to see so intimately and... he outfucked God :) SO HE IS PROUD. but looking at them lying there, breathless and looking all sad worries him. so i can see him leaning forward and spooning them, holding their hand and kissing their fingers and it’s such a soft gesture, kama stutters and asks “Where.. where did you learn to do that.” and seeing their reaction, Ash blushes as well and explains that he saw his father kiss his mom’s hand once???? AND ITS... SUCH A CUTE AND OBVIOUS REASON. kama feels dumb for asking but it makes them chuckle. 

and i think seeing someone who constantly looks so tired and depressed, have a genuine little chuckle would melt ash right there. i think he’ll want to see more. 

AND FROM THAT POINT ON, i think kama would also get used to this... intimacy they start to share. when he wraps his arms around them he always hugs them in this protective way, as if he wanted to shield them from something. and when he holds them like that, they always feel the need to wrap their legs around his waist, hide their face against his neck and Allow him to cuddle them.

they both have an ego u know aha. so if u openly ask them about eachother, they’ll get embarrassed and shut u down. IT’S... IT’S NOT LIKE THAT (sweats)

it is. it is like That. 

ANYWAY THEYRE BOTH VERY VERSATILE and ash is pretty much into everything kama could teach him about. like i said earlier, he’s also fine with being manhandled, mostly the feeling of kama’s nails gently pressing against his skin, or being bit. i think he’d be into getting a lil feral.

a mutual once said that sexually liberated ashwatthama is hot as hell and i feel it in my bones.... kama coming onto him after a particularily short mission that got ash angry but not enough to let out some steam --> they get pounded into the mattress and they live for it because riling him up when he’s like that is actually really fun.

OBSESSED WITH THE BOTH OF THEM SLOWLY SEEING IT AS A GAME AFTER A WHILE... 

OH ash bottoming is also very cute. his first times would be awkward but kama is a pro at this anyways and i’m finally going to answer ur ask: YEAH HE GETS PEGGED !!!!! he finds out how excited he gets when kama calls him a good boy !!! and he never knew that he was into these sorts of things but holy shit it feels nice.

when kama gives him his first blowjob he almost loses his mind

what i really love about kama is that they can see how tense he gets, even if he’s having a great time, and i know they’d teach him how to relax. EVEN WHEN THEY’RE RIDING HIM, they’ll massage his pecs and his shoulders, set the pace and squeeze down on him just to hear him moan. stare at his surprised little face because he didn’t know he could make THAT kind of nois e ? ? ? ? ?

HE’S EMBARRASSED but he doesn’t want them to stop

OH YEAH i wanna come back on the whole masochist thing (I GET SNIPED), him getting repentance and being punished through sex is both very liberating and hot as hell, especially when it’s kama. ashwatthaman moaning ‘your divinity’ like it’s a prayer is also hot as hell !!!!!!! IDK i just think that they can both get very intense, and also last a while, until they’re thoroughly SPENT.

...and leave room for softness. kama gently brushing his wet hair behind his ear, leaving him breathless and a little shy. they then lean in to kiss him and he immediately melts into their touch. but then they bite his lip. and he ... he Likes it but he could almost pout.

time to get a little angsty (i lock gazes with you) i think that after a long while of sharing such a relationship, ash would almost say The Forbidden Words in a daze. and kama deeply kisses him so he stays quiet. and they’re just staring at eachother, until kama tells him that he’s not allowed to say it. and if he does, it’ll almost be a betrayal towards shiva AND themself. they’ve grown impossibly close but neither of them can say Those Words because they both feel like they’ll break something.

also bc they both have huge egos.

but i think that deep down they really want to say them. 

another variant of this is kama wanting to make him admit it, have him say Those Words. but because of his blessing and respect towards lord shiva, he cannot. both because of the guilt and that it’d end up feeling like a lie, even if his touches, his kisses and the way he looks at kama screams otherwise.

BUT REE WHAT ARE THE FORBIDDEN WORDS

"I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" Hercules (1997).

is this enough of a clue ;;);)););;;))))))) HAAHA

THEY HAVE SO MANY LAYERS TO THEM ITS UNREAL

anyway shower sex hot !! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i also think that them mutually jerking eachother off is hot as all hell and ONCE AGAIN, flustered ash who doesn’t know what he’s doing (at first) is cute !!!! cute !!

ashwatthaman LEARNING from kama is also a big fave. they’re abt to bathe in kama’s luxurious bathtub they had master buy for them and they’re removing their earrings and he silently leans forward and bites their ear and suddenly their face is red. god. huge dummy god of love. i love them soooo much its unreal

THEIR DYNAMIC IS BASICALLY.. I WONT SAY IM IN LOVE but still look at eachother like they’re newlyweds everytime they get intimate and (sheds a tear) i think theyre super married

GOOD GOD .......BODY WORSHIP IS SOMETHING THEYRE BOTH HEAVILY INTO ALSO. both giving and receiving, even if kama is a lot less obvious about it and a lot more smug.

oh, i think ash would be the loudest between the two !! THIS ONE WAS OBVIOUS. hearing him like that would also coax kama into making more noise as well so its win-win 

ok to be honest i think i should draw porn of them being soft like... THERES DETAILS I HAVE IN MIND THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO WRITE DOWN IN THE HEADCANON FORMAT and i’m too nervous about writing fics (looks away) but i have things to draw.

ANYWAY I THINK THIS GOT VERY LONG ????????? SO IM GONNA STOP HERE. IF U MADE IT THIS FAR: THANK U FOR LISTENING TO MY BRAINWORM !!!! 

[coffeeinthelibrary]

Writing the sentence "it only lasts a few thousand years" really puts everything into perspective. Yeah sure I once tripped whilst walking and almost got run over but the shortest stage of the life cycle of a star is only a few thousand years.

Stars last so long that they havent even reached their last stage of life yet (a black dwarf) because the universe isnt old enough to contain one.

Honestly we should all just like an have fun because you know what we're here for 100 years max and that's nothing. You wanna ask someone out? Do it. You arent happy with your life? Make a change. You want to go back to uni to get a different degree? Go for it. We're here for a good time, not a long time. Let the stars be the ones that get stressed.

[subarashiet]

lifes been weird and sad , got so much stuff i wanna say dont even know if thats the right subred to but here goes.i m 18 , from Greece , first year in Uni and life is not the way i want it to bei live on my own , rent is being paid by mom and her husband , month pocket money given by dad and by my part time jobat some point in high school i understood that our school years were our most carefree years , tho only now do i really understand itman this post is gonna cramp my fingers shouldve used the pcused to hang out a lot till 2nd year of high school then in 3rd year cause of me studying more i was hanging out less , used to have around 4groups of ppl to hang around then only one , cliche but i wasnt anyone special in school , gotta mention i went to a music middle-high school , only highlights i remember are in 2th-3rd grade trading blows with a girl (think she was 5th grade) ,3rd grade kissing a girl in her cheek then running away from the boy-horde coming after me , 4th grade trading blows with a 6th grader ,6th grade punching a guy for calling names my little sis (we good now see him out we talk he a nice dud) , 9th grade a girl i had a chance with but fucked it up big time , 9th grade breaking a cello almost getting expelled ,12th grade playing bass at a concert in Thessaloniki with a music group of my schooldidnt really have many close friends but there were some from school and other places you can call closer friends , but now even with them i ve started to fade away which i cannot bear but i m the type of giving up and not trying until i m lategot laboratory this morning and this is gonna take a while hope i can get some sleepfeels weird using reddit to express my thoughts i even find it a bit cringy talking to myself but oh welli wanted to visit a physiatrist because i ve been so mentally tired that i think i might have crippling sadness xD but i tried to arrange that back in July-August pre my 18th bday so she said a parent was required to be present so i just kept all the stuff to myselfi was learning classic guitar from 1st grade to 8th still play to this day , in music school i kinda learned h2p electric but didnt practice enough to be able to play good , also know some pianobeen listening to post rock and mostly fate music these past 10 monthssucker for good anime tho i ve been out of it lately havent even finished my summer ones , oregairu has a nice ending from what i got spoiled fromanyway thing is i am sad most of the time , i try not to show it cause i like the stereotype of being the strong guy that everyone can depend on and almost never see being emotional and also like the cool tempered guy type , tho lately i ve been craving a lot of attention that i drop the act of the calm n cool sometimesthings with my parents didnt go to well these past years , only now i can say that we ve finally kinda calmed down , mom and dad started falling out of it around 8th grade cause lots of fighting , big sis kindof took the role of mother while on her teen years , feels like she had it much worse than me10th grade sis leaves home to go elsewhere to start studies for uni , i m left with ma and lil sis back homethen i understand that i have to be there for my little sis which also got in my school that year (3kids-3years difference each) so i tried to assume the role of the big brother but she was closer to her older sister than me , i was closer to my older sister as well , feels like i was doing my lil sis wrong but i cpould relate more to big sis and could chat with her more about stufflil sis didnt open up to me a lot even to this day , she has been a lot more comfortable with me through the years i think cause she told me something important recently , kinda feelsbadman tho cause i wanted to be closer to her and i kinda tried but i think not hard enough cause she didnt seem to get any closer , cried once about it in front of my mother which was the absoluteliest worst cause i didnt want her to see me being fragile jesustho even now that i m not home i talk to her play some among us tried making her start xenoverse 2 that didnt go farhave some friends from school , we would only go all together at internet cafes , but mostly 4 of em would go out togetherin my school i had some friends from scouts tooi have an insta , used to post "cool" pics kinda stopped cause i like looking cool in front of others but i havent been in the mood to try in around a year nowused to be in some conservatory guitar groups with some other kids there , with one girl from there i used to be quite in touch until recently that i stopped seeing her for some reasons maybe i ll explain l8rwe had fun and i really mean it , we used to go on trips to play songs on different cities and stages , our group became kinda known the 2-3 good active years we were active , it still is but these years were the originals , now there are other peoplefucking christ its 2:27started playing in that group with the originals in 2017 till 2019 , we were kids from different ages going from 6th to 10th graders but i didnt understand the different in our ages until recently that i found one of the guys from the group in my cityanother closer friend is a guy from my school , met him in grade 7 still talk to him , used to sit together most of the years pretty neat guy , peculiar character but really interesting kind smart and hard workingman why couldnt my teen years be like shirou from fsn that would be awesomehad entrance exams 4-5 months ago , didnt really go as planned , shooted for Corfu didnt get in cause rather than 15 i got 10 in my last exam so i m still in my city , tho i live alone and go to my local uni insteadJuly 2019 i moved out of my old house moved in with ma and her husband with my sis , stayed there till september then till june-july 2020 i was living with my fathertbh i decided to write this post after watching a vid of Korone talking about Okayu thinking that i ve never been in an actual relationship and that i eould want to experience that but dont know where to start from , losing weight ? becoming outgoing again ? learn how to talk to girls ?i started watching anime back in 2015 on my 3ds i remember watching dubbed Inazuma Elevensince like 2 weeks ago i reached 201 anime completedok i ll stop here for tonight cause i got online uni classes tmrw i keep stimestamps for whenever i finally post this -Tuesday 3/11/2020 02:41used to be around 85-90kg in 12th grade , put on around 20-28 kilos since March 2020 , managed to lose 8-10 kilos in the summer but i m still around 30kilos up from the normal amount based on my height , got a subscription to a gym jan2019 but only managed to get into it for a short period on spring 2019 then autumn 2019 then lost motivation and let go , since March2020 i ve been doing some weights at home , tho when i look at myself in the mirror it doesnt really change how bad i feel about my body , i think my old motivation used to be a girl i used to have a crush on but not surethings with my parents werent all that great and i was mentally better when i would talk with them , they are openminded af and supportive too but puberty makes you see stuff differently like everyone is against you like the world is against you (last one might be true dunno yet) , living on my own now seems to be a bit better but as our Greek ancestors used to say theres no good without bad and the bad in this scenario is that its lonely as fuck , having lived for 18 years with my family it really hits a weird spot , everything feels lonelier now with the virus spreading around not being able to see others as much as we used to , uni doesnt feel nice , many people dont pay attention and its like the second half of 12th grade all over againgot my monthly money 4days ago , went from 200 to 9.28 quickly , when i have money i spend when i dont i m stingy , mostly like to build computers , watch lots of Linus , Paul , Kyle , Jay etc. most of my money goes to buying stuff about computers food , used to give lots of money to internet cafes when i used to hang out with the guys from school , not anymorewith the start of uni we all met new friends even i but i still feel like i am drifting apart day by day , stopped talking to my old girl friend cause i was kinda done with her attitude , called me some names i didnt appreciate because i put up with her attitude , most of the time in her own world , only would really pay attention and try to change herself when it was something she cared about , one of them wasnt her character , but to give the goods of her she was a good friend dont know if i can say she still is a friend or just someone i know , she helped me even with the girl i had a crush on , was really fun on trips with the guitar group , all in all a fun person , thing is i stopped texting her and telling her to go out cause it was 80% me trying and the other 20% her and i think that proved right when i stopped talking to her cause i thought she will see that i m not talking to her she ll think somethings wrong she ll message me to go out and have fun , send me a happy bday message posted some pics of me , didnt send me anything else after , stopped talking to her around the start of October , if i hadnt asked her something about her uni and if it wasnt my bday i dont think we wouldve talked in all of october . last saturday i was working in the area she lives in my city decided to call her sometimes didnt answer tried to suprise her and see how she is by going to her house , noone answered maybe they were on a trip idk , but it feels weird man , in the first half of the year me and a common friend of her and me went out one night , ended up being the bad guy to make her understand that she did something wrong that night , after she left i was left with our common friend talked about stuff and mostly her and i expressed myself , i knew that coming summer me and her would end up at different places so i wanted to tell her all the wrongs with her so that she could finally understand what i ve been putting up against and make her understand that she HAS to pay attention to people around her and that she will meet new people and that she ll have to be careful about her character , used to have a bit of crush on her back in 7th grade , can kinda understand why that went . On the other hand i didnt want to part ways with her with our last words being me ranting , one thing brought the other and she wont be going to her uni's city until early 2021 so i managed to go out with her some more in the summer and september . kinda feels bad to see that almost noone remembered my bday cause i remember in cram school when someone had their bday they would get a fucking cake , dont mistake me i got one , from my ma my two sisters and my moms husband , thing is i wanted to have something happen with friends , nothing happend , around 4 people remembered my bday and the others just send me some happy bday messages after seeing posts from the girl i m talking about .also heres a good song to listen to while reading stuff on reddit Sorrow from FSN by MN64 cant post links from what i understandgonna stop here for now might edit later -Tuesday 3/11/2020 15:15thing is reddit is not the right place to get help and i need a friend but it seems i cant get any from my friends , even my other friend the guy i used to sit with in all middle-high school he has drifted apart , talking more with other of his friends doing other stuff etc , that one time i needed to talk to him he said i ll call you in a while , waitied 1 and a half hour then asked him why he didnt call he said he forgot (i think) , feelsbadmananyway i dont think i m gonna keep editing this i ranted enough , gonna leave the post up for a day or so in case anyone wants to add anything then taking it down -Tuesday 3/11/2020 23:58

[semiotextiana]

how did you approach transitioning? ive started but i feel like im not making any progress at all

i mean im still trying and learning and have definitely not figured it out but i think the most important thing is to really view and embrace it as an ongoing process. i also expected immediate (visible) changes in the beginning because i was simply so desperate for change which is very normal but over time you will definitely learn that it really is a huge lesson on patience. and i was really euphoric and impatiently optimistic when i started but things take time, a lot of time. and theres no need to let that discourage you from believing in the process and in yourself. even if the euphoria fades and you go through phases where yoz feel like youre stagnating. youre never stagnating. try to remind yourself how far youve come already. puberty takes years and transitioning definitely isnt faster. idk if youre just referring to hrt but as far as that goes just trust that things will change, immensely and fundamentally, but it might not be as immediately visible as you‘d want it to be. i look back on pics from pre hrt now and there is a huge difference but i didnt necessarily perceive that change over the months as it was happening. but its there and other people and you yourself will feel and see it even if you cant pin point it. try to feel good about it being a long process. it means things are always changing and thats beautiful<3 processes like fat redistribution and breast growth are year long developments and they cant be generalized for everyone. try to be patient, the changes will definitely come, but at their own pace and if you expect fast results youre just putting yourself under a lot of pressure for something thats out of your control. i struggle with this too because the world simply doesnt give you the time to like "catch up" on your body and on everyone else lol. there is no finish line for transitioning so dont try to constantly remind yourself that you havent reached your goal yet. there are changes occurring in your body every second and you will get closer and closer to naturally being and feeling like yourself. i remember one of the most beautiful effects of hrt was after some weeks/months when i felt this kind of shift in my brain and i just felt relieved from something i couldnt even remember but it just felt like some kind of knot and inner war i was fighting was dissolved to some extent. i just felt so much calmer, so much more centered and so much more like myself and i was like yeah this is how my brain should be. as far as other transitioning measures go the first thing i did was laser hair removal, months before i even started hrt and that has been life changing. and ive been seeing a therapist every week for over a year now which has helped me personally immensely with everything. i really needed to work through and overcome a lot of self doubts and deeply ingrained insecurity before i felt confident enough to start physically transitioning and thankfully i had a therapist ive been really happy with. but yeah. the general advice i have really is: have patience and trust that things are going to turn out the way you want them to turn out because they simply will, even if you cant feel or see it immediately. it takes time but its worth it and youre on the right track. just keep going, youre moving in the right direction and it can only go upwards from here <3 sorry for typing out this insanely long novel, i hope theres useful inputs for you in there, it also felt good to write down for myself <3 oh!! and try not to compare yourself to other people all the time. which is obviously a reflex and hard to turn off but everyone is at different stages in their life and just because youre only starting now doesnt mean youll never "arrive" as much as other people seem to have arrived<3

[joonyverse]

The President - Baekhyun (EXO) (Part 4)

Summary: Being the youngest Minister is not easy, especially when it seems like the whole world is trying to go against you. Proving yourself is proven to be a difficult thing. But things had to get even more tangled when dark pasts are coming out, and truths are being unveiled

A/N: OHYMYGOD! IM SO SO SO SORRY FOR THE VERY LONG DUE UPDATE! I’ve seen your messages too, and THANK YOU for the loves and support! I just finished my exam early this month and I admit that perhaps I’ve been procrastinate a lot hjjh, this chapter doesn’t really involve lots of bh x reader moments, but i hope you guys enjoy it? ;-; im so sorry i havent write in so long, so im in the process of getting use to it all over again...

Genre: Drama, romance, fluff, angst

Warning: Age-gap (10 years), some curses, bad english, grammar error, unedited

notes: yln = your last name, yfn = your full name

masterlist

Byun Baekhyun x Female Readers

If you’re uncomfortable with age-gap relationship, please just scroll through it

Flashes of images went through your vision. Sounds of children crying and screaming filling your head. The heat from the fire, it feels like it’s gonna burn your skin. All of those feels so close yet so far. It goes so slow yet so fast. The images and sensation overwhelm you to no end.

And suddenly, it’s all stopped. The images of bus on fire, the children screaming, it’s like everything is just in the background and a white noise. 

Instead, you saw a little girl looking around feeling helpless and devastated. You can see her screaming weakly for help. Tears were streaming down her face. Her little arms keep shaking the man beside her, trying to wake him up. She keeps asking for the man to wake up yet the man shows no sign of it. Every once in a while, she weakly screams for help to people around her, and really you tried. You tried to reach for her, yet you can’t. It’s like you weren’t even there. Desperately, you tried to reach for other people to help the poor little girl to no avail. Everyone were busy. With everything in you, you run to her. Run to her despite no moves were being made. 

Until finally, you saw two hands reaching for her. Holding her and taking her away. You see her trying hard to get out of the grasp, reaching for the man that still laying still. She cried even harder. And suddenly, it’s like you were being picked up from underwater, her voice sounds clear to you. “Please help my dad! Dad! Dad!” she screams.

And suddenly, something exploded, right before your eyes. You want to scream, screaming for help. But you can’t It’s like something is blocking your voice cord from doing so. Until your visions went white and it turns to black.

A faint sound of beeping in certain type of rhythm caught your hearings. Sounds of people in rush too. And suddenly, you can feel the stiffness of your body.

You tried to move your fingers, a simple move that seems very difficult at the moment. Slowly, you opened your eyes. Blinding light of the room immediately greeting you, making you frown and closed your eyes again, trying to get used to the bright light.

The smell of some kind of chemical hit your smelling bud. You stare at your surrounding, taking it all in, trying to remember what had happened.

Suddenly the door to your room opened. Your eyes shoot at the intruder.

“Oh? You’ve wake up” Mina said to you as she entered the room.

You sighed and rubbed your eyes slowly. “What happened?” You asked, your voice hoarse and your throat feels dry.

Mina hands you a glass of water, that you gladly accept.

“You don’t remember?” Mina asked as she took a seat beside you.

“Only fragments? I can only remember the smell of gasoline and fire and the heat” you said.

“You and your impulsiveness... you were face to face with an almost death situation” Mina said while shaking her head. “You helped those kids in the bus” she added.

Slowly, the memories start coming back. Your eyes widened in realization.

“Those kids, they’re all saved right?” You said, panic starts to kicking in.

Mina held your arms, trying to calm you down. But the stare she gave you, it held so many meanings that you know so well.

“8 casualties...” Mina said, her voice getting quieter.

You froze in your bed. Despite knowing you can’t do anything about them, guilts till eating you alive, making you feel somehow responsible about it. 

“Nothing you can do y/n, you tried your best, nothing you can do,” Mina explained in the most comforting way she could.

“What about the others? And the man?” You asked.

“Fortunately, they survived, some got serious burn, but most are just light wounds, the man is also alright” Mina explained. “Listen, I’m gonna tell the doctor you woke up okay?” She asked which earned a light nod from you.

The doctor came into your room with two nurses by his side. Checking up on you. Fortunately, nothing serious happened, you just inhale too much carbon monoxide and other chemicals that you don’t bother to remember. Even more fortunate, he said they can discharge you in three days if your health keep improving like the estimation.

You are just glad that you can escape this place and dive more into the job.

Suddenly you got reminded of the vision, or dream, that you saw. Something about it makes you feel distraught. Something about it makes you feel a missing part in you. Trying to ignore them, you decide to turn on your phone, diving into the internet to see what’s up and what have you missed.

As soon as the phone turned on, so many notifications came up, most of them are friends, plenty from family. Your mom missed called you once, and honestly speaking, it’s not surprising.

One message though, particularly caught your eyes. It’s the most recent one. From your mom. 

“I knew there’ll always be something to be disappointed for from you” was written across the screen.

Your heart can’t help but clench. It shouldn’t bother you, it shouldn’t bother you when it had happen for so many times that you should have get used to it by now but you don’t.

You immediately come up to the internet though, wondering what makes your mom send you such message.

“Minister of Transportation and Communication is Faking Her Heroic Action?” 

Was written on big sized fonts. An article that finally beat the ‘President and Minister are dating’ article. 

“It was found that maybe the Minister is faking her heroic action for publicity purpose, and even, staged the whole scenario”

You can’t even believe what you’re reading with your own two eyes. Who was in their right mind and heart to write such things? 8 people died and they said it’s all a scheme?

“We hope sincerely the President will give thoughts on replacing his Minister, or perhaps, Lover”

You scoffed. You can feel the anger is one step away from crossing your limit. You felt tears are building in your eyes. You felt thankful at Mina for leaving the room at that time. You felt so ridiculed. You haven’t even work properly, yet people are already accusing you of such things. They just… haven’t seen what you capable of.

You see that the rest of article are just sub-writing that article. The comments are mostly curses and death wishes. This is one hell of a tough start for you, you’ve realized.

Mina who was just entering the room can’t help but notice the frown on your face. Gently, she took the phone from your hold. Your hands instinctively reach up for it. 

“I’m not finished!” You whined at her.

“Rest, we don’t need this kind of negativity while on recovery” Mina said as she put your phone on the bedside table, a little bit further than your reach.

The knock on the door stole both of your attentions. Both of your heads shot up at it.

“A guest?” You asked.

“No one really saying anything about visiting except your family” Mina said, as she gave you a slight shrug.

Mina walked towards the door and opened it. Her eyes are furrowed in confusion. “Mr. Lee?” She called out.

“There’s a card and a basket of fruits from the President” Mr Lee said with his monotonous tone before he handed said things to Mina.

Mina muttered a small thank you before she closed the door and walked back towards you. 

She handed you the card and left the basket on your bedside table.

“Who was that?” You asked while slowly opening the card.

“Oh? He was Mr. Byun’s chauffeur” Mina answered despite the lack attention from you since your eyes were already on the card.

A simple “Get well soon” was written on the card. You can’t help but scoffed and rolled your eyes. You appreciate the effort he gave though. But still, it’s a classic and textbook kind of kindness, and for some reason, it kind of annoyed you.

“I’m his minister for goddamn sake...” you muttered under your breath. Of course that was heard by Mina, which earned a chuckle from her.

You felt unfairly treated. You are still his minister no matter how many things had happened between you both in a matter of days. You should be treated with respect, and yet... he doesn’t even bother. Not that you care.

Reaching for the TV remote, you turn it on. Continuously changing the channel, nothing in particular caught your eyes. When suddenly you came across a headline. 

“Minister’s Fake Heroic Action” 

You scoffed. Feeling absolutely ridiculed. But you can’t lie that it’s actually caught your attention. And so you turn up the volume, curiosity picking in on what those people had to say.

What caught your attention more was the statement the president himself about to make.

“So far, we’ve been informed by the medical team that Minister y/l/n got minor injuries but thankfully nothing serious” Baekhyun said into the mic, his voice and expression was stern. “I can assure you that we will get to the bottom of this incident, together with Miss Y/l/n,  we will solve this case” he added.

For some reason Baekhyun mentioning your name bring a slight smile to your day. It feels good in some way having someone to be on your side, trusting you, when it feels like the whole world doesn’t.

People was crowding the hospital’s entrance as it was the day you got discharged. Questions were asked here and there, of course all asking about what had happened in the incident. It was difficult to walk to enter your car when people keep pushing towards you to get closer, despite the securities surrounding you. After successfully entering the car, Mina kindly handled the situation, and you can’t be more thankful to her.

“Where to, Ma’am?” Your chauffeur asked.

“The president’s residence please”

His house was… well he’s a president, his house is just what you expect. A grand scale you could say, especially for someone who lives alone. Black, white, and grey are the colors that seem to decorate the house that feels more like a castle you would say. The smell of teakwood hit the smelling sense as soon as you stepped in. His housekeepers greeting whoever the guests that came to his house. A hint smell of some dishes entering your nose too, probably came from the dining room that’s not very far from the entrance. The man probably get hungry as soon as he finished work and enter the comfort of his house you thought.

“Ah, Miss y/l/n” Baekhyun said as he greeted you. “My cooks made us some foods to talk over with, would you like to eat?” He offered.

You gave him a small smile, alas not genuine. “Sure thing, Mr. Byun” you said, accepting his offer. Truth be told, you were hungry for some real food, not some bland hospital food.

You stepped into his dining room. As expected, his cook was there, greeting you with a smile. “Nice meeting you, Ma’am” his cook said. Your eyebrow raised in wonder. The image of warm homemade food come into your vision. You can’t help but gulping. You really can’t wait to devour them all. The smell of cream soup, truffle, and some other herbs filling your smelling sense.

Baekhyun who seems to notice your hunger state can’t help but chuckle. He might has some rivalry going on with you, but staring at the woman who usually keep her emotions covered and buried inside, and always seem to be calm, suddenly looking like a starve woman who hasn’t ate for years, it was an amusing sight.

“Please sit down, you can eat” Baekhyun said, with a slight tease in his tone.

You got embarrassed at the fact you can’t hide your hunger. Slight blush creeping up your cheeks. You chuckled. “I’m sorry, hospital foods were terrible” you said.

“Oh, I know very well, Miss y/l/n” Baekhyun said, his voice sounded a little bit solemn, hinting at something that you can’t pinpoint.

“So, why did you ask me to come sir?” You asked as you sit down, with Baekhyun following afterwards.

“I have something to discuss with you miss Y/l/n” He answered as he picked up his spoon. “It’s about the incident” he added.

You swallowed your food, which by the way tastes amazing, you almost moan from the taste itself, before answering him. “Don’t worry, I’ll get into it sir” you reassured.

“It’s not about that” he said as soon as you finished your sentences. Your head instantly shot up at him. He looked somewhat distressed, and you can see him trying to hide it. “I’m going to form a special team for it” he added.

His voice somewhat have this very serious tone. You knew this was a serious situation, but something in his voice, it’s like there’s something that he’s hiding from you. “With all due respect sir, I think my team back at my office can handle this well” you said carefully, tip-toeing around eggshells. 

You can see his frown from your seat despite him still having his head down at his food. “Y/n, listen to me for this one and obey me, I don’t want to argue about this, we’re going to make a special team, that’s it” he said. The wrinkles on his forehead showed the distress he’s going through.

Honestly, you wanted to go against his order, knowing very well that this is something that you and your team can handle, and the fact this might be your chance to prove yourself, you won’t miss that chance. But you knew very well that he has something to hide, and honestly, for some reason you kind of pitied him.

“Right” you said simply. “So, what do you want me to do about it? Do you want me to gather people or?”

“Come here again tomorrow, 8pm”

[winterwindsingsanditcriess]

Hadestown Thoughts

July 3, 2019, 2pm matinee

I say thoughts like this won't be completely positive

Also totally incoherent, you've been warned

The main cast were all on, no understudies

The show was honestly just really amazing

Eva's voice is just incredible

Orpheus is so awkward!! But really endearing and there was so much chemistry between him and Eurydice that developed over just two songs

Eurydice is a really interesting and clearly very layered character, who seems to be very cynical but really likes and is drawn to Orpheus's enthusiastic positivity and optimism

Hermes narrating the story was just really fun in the first act and it's easy to tell why André won the Tony

Amber as Persephone was just outstanding

Livin' it up on top was really fun!!! You almost forget it's a tragedy

All I've ever known is a really pretty song, and theres just so much chemistry between them its heartbreaking

Like if you weren't already emotionally invested in Orpheus and Eurydice's love you are now

Then it's Way Down Hadestown which is one is of the best songs

Orpheus continues to work on his song to bring the world, especially the seasons, back into alignment

Next song ft. Hades and Persephone's relationship issues and Eurydice trying to find food and continue to have faith in Orpheus, while Orpheus keeps trying to write his song

Which also causes relationship issues btw

Patrick Page's voice....... yes

Also I havent mentioned the fates yet, but they were (like everything in this show) insanely amazing

Like even despite the fact that they're working against the characters you love, they are still really awesome and entertaining

So that's my long winded way of saying When the Chips Are Down, as well as the end if Gone, I'm Gone was just incredible

And then you have Wait for Me, which probably got the loudest applause of the whole show

And rightfully so, it was outstanding, Reeve is so talented

Also the set expanded, lights everywhere, it was magnificent

Hearing Reeve's falsetto notes contrasting with Patrick's true base voice in the show in person just gives me emotions and I literally can't go more into detail than that

Honestly, everyone in the main cast has such a unique voice that really gives another aspect to their character it's really cool

Back on track, Why We Build The Wall was very powerful and an interesting way to end the first act

Eurydice shows up during the song, signs papers, and the act ends

Real quick: The lightning design?? Was incredible?? Throughout the entire production??? Like holy shit???

And the circle thing that goes up and down in center stage that I don't know the name of, forgive me, was a really neat way to show moving between the two worlds

So act two starts and Persephone gets her solo number which is fun, Amber Gray is an icon

Now it's Way Down Hadestown Reprise and Eurydice realizes she messed up big time

Her acting is spectacular

Flowers. Just Flowers

Eva is an incredible actress and just killed it

Like it was my favorite song before but holy shit!!!!!

I have nothing really to add just!!!! It was heartbreakingly gorgeous

And fortunately Orpheus is there pretty quick which is good

He tries to get her to leave with him but she can't which is an unfortunate turn of events

Orpheus gets beat up and the Fates sing Nothing Changes which was beautiful but quite sad tbh

Orpheus slowly gets the workers to start questioning stuff and standing up for themselves in If It's True which is a really good song

But it's bad news for Hades

Hades and Persephone song a song together and pretty much every moment the two of them have together for the rest of the show gives me emotions

Persephone tries to get through to Hades and fails and I just wanna die I love them so much

Next Chant Reprise (I was kinda sad that they cut Persephone's verse tbh)

But the added workers lyrics are really cool and honestly make up for it

Also the choreography and blocking stood out to me as just really good??

I mean the choreo/blocking for the entire show is incredible but it was just something else right then idk why

Orpheus starts singing his song with the old melody which freaks Hades out but Persephone convinces him to let Orpheus finish

Also Hermes repeatedly encouraging Orpheus throughout the show was really sweet honestly

It seems like the first part of Epic III was a really old song (and also different that the nytw version) but the second part seems to just be Orpheus talking directly to Hades (and is a lot more familiar)

It actually gets through to Hades and Persephone is like a mix of surprised and relieved and thrilled, and again, emotions

But the song does just as Orpheus said it would and it brought the seasons back and the world into sync

Hades and Persephone dance and ~emotions~

Have I mentioned I love them cuz HOLY SHIT

Eurydice and Orpheus sing Promises and it's so clear that Eurydice has so much faith in Orpheus as well as in Hades letting them go and ahhhh

They ask to leave and Hades says I don't know which prompts Word to the Wise

With the advice from the Fates, Hades decides to let them go as long as they pass the trial

He seems almost sad about it tho, like there's an added layer of emotions to His Kiss The Riot that it didn't have for me just listening to the soundtrack

Wait For Me reprise was just really good

Eva's belt is perfection

Again, Hermes and Orpheus's relationship is just really cute but also hurts me at the end

Hermes tells Orpheus the news and also that it isn't a trick

The staging for Doubt Comes In was fucking killer

The song repeatedly gave me chills

It was all dark with a few lights and you could just feel everything Orpheus was feeling

You know the rest, Orpheus almost makes it to the end, the staircase lit up signifying that, and at the last moment he looks back

"Its you" "..........It's me"

Eurydice descends back into hadestown via circle platform thingy

Orpheus tries to reach her at the last second but is too late

Road to Hell reprise and Hermes is narrating

It's revealed to be like a loop cuz they're singing it again and again

Which is really fucking depressing like hooray they're doomed to fail for eternity that's fun I didn't need my heart anyway

All sarcasm aside it's a really powerful ending

Bows happen and then Persephone sings Raise a Cup which is honestly a really cool moment like the audience is still standing up and it's honestly the perfect way to end the show

Final thoughts: the show just really feels perfected. Ig that's the benefit of it having been in the works for over a decade, but everything, even the smallest thing, just seems like the best it could possibly be which is really magnificent and it's really something to have been able to experience it