#i havent made one of these blogs in ages. ive been so nervous about it yall please take it easy on me

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

Hi! Welcome to my blog! I'll try to keep my pinned post fairly short!

My main is @microwavedfishsticks. That's where I like/follow from!

My carrd has my names, pronouns, and all my current f/os! I'll post whenever I make changes to it.

I am 18(Dec. 19)

My tag system for my F/Os(as of right now) is just their name with a heart emoji or few at the end for colors I associate with them!! "Any💘" will be used for posts where it could apply to any of my romantic F/Os. [Check featured tags on my blog under the search option, they will pop up. If you do not know what this means let me know, I won't mind at all clarifying!]

Tags for incorrect(or correct?) Quotes between me and my F/Os will be tagged as "TrueBlogging💌". Most of these are just things I think of off the top of my head or things from our stories/interactions together, but if I ever take some from another person I will add credit. I get such a kick out of incorrect quotes it's a shame I don't do them more often.

All of my art like writings and drawings are tagged with #kaneart

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Please do not talk about F.naf with me, especially p.urple guy and don't show any images. I don't care if you indulge in that stuff or cover your blogs in it, just don't talk about it directly with me in my inbox. You can decorate your house however you'd like, just don't come into my house and try to decorate it like it's yours. I know this is such an oddly particular thing but it spares you from a long story. Though if you really must know I'll share it.

I selfship with a lot of P.ixar C.ars characters. When I talk about them, unless specified otherwise, it is all in a humanized context. Not that there's anything wrong with doing a car s/i x cars, but I do it all as me x humanized character! They're silly humans doing human thingies. If you scroll through my art tag you are bound to find all sorts of my humanized designs for them. I believe I have a post or two where I specified some rough ideas for how they looked(and I did some speed doodles of them which now drive me mad because of how sloppy they look to me. But they are just simple reference points it's. fine.)

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I highly encourage interaction!! Feel free to send in asks or randomly pop in my DMs. I love talking and making friends, regardless of if we know the same media or not! If you want my discord just let me know! :)

Some fun things I really enjoy are my 3DS, Pokemon stuff, playing Cooking Mama, watching lots of Jerma streams, Tomadachi Life, Papa Louie Games, and my favorite color is royal purple! I also really enjoy the color orange a lot, too. I use emojis unironically when messaging and do a lot of keyboard slapping. I also like plants and I use a right amount of exclamation marks.

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I'm just documenting my time with my F/Os<33 do with it as you please. I am good at waffling on about things and I'm using this blog to maximize it, so there may be some hearty tangents here.

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I am not comfortable sharing F/Os, sorry. I am not comfortable with any ships of them, either. (With exception to Grem and Acer, Bob and Darrell, and Sarge and Fillmore). Asides from those exceptions, I please ask that you don't discuss any ships of them with me.

My F/Os are very real to me, they are my partners. I take them very seriously, and I don't want an irl partner as I just prefer to be with my F/Os. What you do with this information is up to you, but it's something very important to me, so I wanted to mention it here.

For the sake of my comfort please DNI if you reblog or engage in doubles who share my F/Os. If that upsets you, then all the more reason to DNI. Regaurdless of how 'silly' it sounds, it really upsets and distresses me.

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MY F/OVEMBER INFO!!

Please read that just so you know how I'll be doing my F/Ovember! It'll be left here through all of Novemeber and if you have any clarifying questions you want to ask totally feel free to! It is just a fun little thing but I am very excited for it and care about it a lot so I am being a little extra silly over it :)

[clumsyclifford]

6, 12, 14, 15, & 21 for the writing asks? -megs 💙

hachi machi okie dokie how many more nonsense rhymes can i say ok that's it great let's go

6. What fic is on your back burner, waiting to be written when you feel your skill matches its potential? answered this one here! i'm SURE there are more though let me check my fic ideas doc (fun fact my fic ideas doc is still called "Malum fic ideas:" from back in the early days of this blog when i was chiefly writing malum because of helen). oh! well. the major league baseball au is still uh, kinda back burner-y. that's another one that i started and then ran face first into a wall known as The Wall of Trying To Realistically Represent A Situation I've Never Been In But Also Include Romance Which Would Not Typically Exist In This Setting So I'm Really Setting Myself Up For Failure Here it's a really annoying wall i know hazel hits it too so i'm just ignoring it for the moment. i also think a castaways fic (the concept, not the song) would be really awesome but tricky because, once again, i've never actually BEEN a castaway, and my knowledge of the topic is pretty heavily based on the book hatchet so like. yeah. i have a lot.

12. Where do you commonly find inspiration for your stories? everywhere! i saw in your answer you said you hear song lyrics and think they'd make good fic titles, i do EXACTLY the same thing (hence the doc "good lyrics for titles"). one day ill make that doc into a prompt list and post it on here and just fuck myself over. previously ive gotten some inspiration from movies but i shortly after completing baby driver au i realized that was a fluke and that in general i am pretty bad at making fics out of movie plots because i am very bad at remembering salient details about movies in the order that they happen. like i started a robin hood (2018) au but barely got anywhere with it because i realized i had never actually understood the plot well enough to write it. i would say the things that inspire me the most are songs (we know i loooove a songfic, mostly bc they make the job so easy by just laying out the plot and vibe for me) and also things that happen to me and feelings i have about those things. unfortunately many of my experiences are not universal (hello jewish summer camp) which may be part of why i've had so much trouble coming up with ideas lately. but as soon as i'm back at school i get the feeling i'll be doing fine again.

14. Share a few sentences of what you’re currently working on? what AM i currently working on? technically speaking i'm kinda sorta working on two things but one of them just doesn't have a good snippet and i don't wanna do a Reveal yet so ill give you this one instead, from a fic i might never even post:

“Oh, I meant to tell you, my mum called earlier, she asked if you’re okay.” Ashton’s mum always asks if Luke is okay. Exactly that way, is Luke doing okay?, like Luke gives off some kind of not-doing-okay vibe. He suspects it’s a leftover instinct from his and Ashton’s mutual breakdown a few years back, but honestly, he’s doing better now. It’s sweet of her to ask, but she could just ask about him the same way she asks about Michael and Calum. How’s Luke? would be fine.

“I am great,” Luke says. “How’s she? Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she’s okay,” Ashton says. “She’s started taking Harry to look at some universities.” He pauses. “University. You know? What the fuck?”

“No way,” Luke says, and tries to work out if he’s meant to be surprised by that. He can’t remember how old Harry is. Clearly almost uni-age. Ashton’s told him this a million times, but Luke can’t keep track when the answer keeps changing. He doesn’t want Ashton to think he’s forgotten, so he just says, “That’s insane.”

15. What are some of your favorite tropes to write? Do they match the ones you read? answered this one here as well! i've managed to get unbelievably long-winded answering every single one of these questions so far so i won't write another answer for this one

21. Do you have any stories you’ve written completely but never posted? Why? Please tell us about them? yes!! i have a handful. let me hunt them down. okay final answer, i have five!

one is an au based on the prompt "we’re at a party and someone asks what your type is and you describe me perfectly while staring right at me” which i never posted because i wrote it a while ago and honestly i don't think it's good enough to post. also i kinda don't like the background character i made jack barakat. i could edit it. but. ehh

one is a fic that is set in the daydream jalex fic 'verse, but the only way it's relevant to that 'verse is because it has ace!jack, and it's highly personal and probably the most projection-heavy fic i've ever written and i never posted it because i'm nervous to be Known like that lol

one is technically emo lashton, but not actually set in the emo lashton 'verse that i've created, and that one is ALSO one of the most projection-heavy fics i've ever written. it's usually the fics that are full of projection but in a specific way that i think isn't really relatable that i write but don't end up posting. it's a good fic honestly i wouldn't be against posting it i just never have. also partially because i'm between two titles for that fic lol

one is.......something that was originally going to be set in a different fic universe (for a fic i havent posted or finished writing lol), but now i don't know if it will necessarily fit in that 'verse, so it's kind of its own very short but complete thing. i never posted it because (1) it's super short, less than 1k, and i don't like to post stuff that short, and also (2) just in case it DOES fit the fic 'verse, i don't wanna give away the ending, lmao

and lastly there's a fic i wrote in an excited haze when sam and meghna and i made the ssf and the aces plans, which is like, ot4 meeting but they're all internet friends. guess what inspired that. i'll never post it because it really wasn't written with the intention of posting it, i sent it to sam and meghna and they were the only people i wanted to read it and they have so <3

writing asks

[crocyoota]

OK A) pls sleep soon !!! but b) SAME !! men r so scary i cannot ,,,, i cant even talk to them at this point its like,,, im generally not good with talking to people bc selective mutism is a bitch and its kicking me in the ass BUT ALSO men are doubly scary ?? like i rmb i have a male tutor once,, and i just,,, couldn’t take it i quit after like 2 mths ?? like i thought if i forced myself to go through it i cld “break” the trauma ? but i just had mental breakdowns lolol and made the trauma woRSE !! anw if u figure out how to get over this pls contact me asap thank youu and C) how do u peel a garlic also d) HELLO we havent talked in a while but i am still lurking on your blog please sleep sOON !! - pomegranate 💖💕✨

POMMY,,,,OMG HOW IVE MISSED U ITS SO SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM U AGAIN ILY

Also I TOTALLY get it!! I feel the same way about one on one situations w men and romantic situations!! I get REALLY awkward when it’s just me and some guy unless I really know them well. Tbh I’d rather just not talk to them??

I actually do remember this one guy I had class with who I thought was really cool, but he was like 7 years older than me and like...made it clear he had no intentions besides being friends with me (he called me a baby once when he figured out my age and always called me love,,,🥺 but like it was never weird he was just genuinely sweet and never expected anything from me)....so that’s a random positive experience I guess.

BUT LIKE still I cannot?? Trust men who like romantically...it’s a dumb bias but like I cannot control it I get SUPER shaky and nervous I am just a mess...🚶i lowkey just wanna cry. I’ve talked about it (sparingly) with friends and they’ve just advised me to “get out more” or “work on myself” but like? Idk how man. And just getting out more doesn’t work...it’s these niche situations that make me like that yknow?? It’s like I wish I could control it but I just can’t :( I’m just like u, these situations just make the trauma seem worse...

but I hope!! One day it gets better for us!!! Through therapy or whatever!!!

also the proper way to peel garlic is to crush it under your knife! That way the peel just comes right off 😺�� I’ve been peeling garlic like a dummy this whole time by painstakingly peeling it....smh

[archivedatl]

AP web exclusive: All Time Low tour diary

Posted by Scott Heisel on 08-Dec-06 @ 04:43 PM

Last month, Baltimore pop-punkers All Time Low took to the road with Sugarcult for a series of shows on the West Coast. Here's some of what they saw, in words and pictures. Learn more at www.alltimelow.com.

#1------------------------------------------------------------ Ooohooo So last night we celebrated two awesome occasions...well 3 since matt's molars finally grew in...anyways yesterday was Haloween and our first night of our tour with Sugarcult. I must say, it is pretty strange touring with a band who I spent the better years of my middle school life watching on MTV. Regardless of where this band has been, it definetly didn't eff with their personalities. They were all super nice to us and each came up and introduced themselves. The show went pretty well but it wasn't a good judgement of our the whole tour is going to be because Sugarcult didn't even headline, the Eagles Of Death Metal did, and the tickets for $25 on Haloween night :) I'm sorry but I would never go to a show if those were the circumstances...I'd be out expanding my collection of holiday treats. Tonight the 'real' tour begins so we will see how it goes. We are playing Washington State University in Pullman Washington. We haven't done too many college shows, so this should be interesting...anyways before we got on the road a couple days ago we were couped up in Ben Harper's (formely of yellowcard, now in amber pacific) house/studio in long beach, CA working on our new CD :). We demoed some hot licks that were going to send over to our producer matt squire so that he can put in some input. I heard my blogs are going to be posted on the Alternative Press website for this tour, so if that's the case then...helll yeah! Well I just woke up from sleeping in the van so I am gonna walk out into the freezing streets of Pullman, WA crack my back and grab some Qudoba. Much Love, Jack --jbstar #2------------------------------------------------------------ Yoo dooodds, So I'm gonna update you guys on the passed couple shows...on Wednsday we played Washington State University. Those kids are freaking crazy! Everyone seemed to be having a good time and we made some awesome new friends. I cannot stress enough, how cool the Sugarcult guys are. Which is really cool because I have been listening to those guys since 6th grade! Anyways before we played, matt thought it would be a good idea to have a fork and knife fight backstage...yeah it turned pretty ugly and we should have some footage online soon enough. That night we partied at 'The Christmas House'. Lets just say that I'm pretty sure alex made out with a dog...I really miss Hit The Lights :( Anways...we played Seattle after the college show and it was offf the hoooook. Everyone in the room was dancing and it got pretty redic. As soon as we told them the alex/dog story they went nuts. We met up with the Pink Spiders that night. We were nervous about that because we've heard some stuff...but for real those guys are the shit. There all super nice and we have no complaints about them. We have yet to tour with a band who we don't get along with (fingers crossed). We also heard that we may be doing a few shows with Cobra Starship in Dec, if that happends that would be sick. I'll keep you guys updated. Someone made us a bucket of the craziest donuts ive ever seen at the portland show last night!! They were reallly good. Sorry for the lack of pics, I'll make sure my next post has more, its just hard to take good pics on a sidekick :). Talk to you guys soon!!Jacko #3------------------------------------------------------------ Yo Babaayyss, Last nights show was off the hook! I love playing at The Boardwalk in orangevale calii. The crowd was as wild as usual and a bunch of kids were singing along. A lot of the same kids who saw us there on the Amber Pacific tour came back. Its always cool to see so many familiar faces,,,cough cough hint hint nudge...you get the idea folks! The next couple shows should be interesting...reno and vegas. I wont be able to gamble but at least ill be able to look at a lot of lights. We all have family comming out, so that should be exciting. I havent seen my brother and sister in ages and i know their gonna be wasted so that means they will be even more friendly :) Also Meg n Dia join up in vegas which is sick, SO SIKED FOR THAT!!! We met them on warped and their super nice. anyways i think its time, i go to In and Out because after this tour im not going to be able to go back for a while :( im going to eat there everyday twice a day until we leave Arizona. Ive attached pics from our set on the Epitaph stage at this years Bamboozle Left and also some pics of our acoustic set the 2nd day! Thanks to everyone who watched us either/both days :) love you peace peace n a bottle o' hair grease, jack #4------------------------------------------------------------ Wow...vegas has to be one of the strangest places on this earth. First of all we showed up in Reno (shity city) only to find that only sugarcults crew was there and the show probably wasnt going on. We were welcomed by a hooker in a pink tanktop and no teeth asking if we had any shirts we could give her...Thankfully we have power windows and middle fingers. Thankfully zack was asleep or he might have took her up on some of her offers...he's getting desperate you know..just kidding! Anyways we decided to hang out with sugarcults crew for a little then start the drive to vegas early since it was 8 house. We got to go over the Hoover Damn which was sweet. It's seriously Vegas Vacation all over again! Anyways, we got to vegas around midnight and it was a fantastic site! My bro and sis were staying at the MGM so thats where i headed. Rian to the Excalibur, Alex and Matt to the Venecian and Zack to the Luxor. We all split up and hung out with our fam for the evening. My brother took me around vegas and boyyy was it interesting. I was approached by numerous drunk people. It was basically like an Ocean City, Maryland for older people. It's just a place for adults to drink, walk around drunk, act like teenagers and maybe gamble a bit here n' there. it was Akward to say the least. Anyways the next day was the show at the House Of Blues at Mandalay Bay...probably one of the nicest venues we have ever played. We introduced ourselves to the Meg n Dia folks and got to know our new tour mates as we shared a dressing room. We soon found they are awesome people and they share a love for getting wild! The show was pretty cool, and the crowd was big. It was weird though because the merch was not in the venue, it was in the cassino haha. Anyways Vegas was an experience we wont forget, and I cant wait till we go there again. I hope the next time we go, were 21...actually nevermind because that would be three years :)stay rad, Jack #5------------------------------------------------------------ Lame! Tonight was our last show on the Sugarcult Tour featuring The Pink Spiders and Meg n Dia :( Damone will be taking our place on this great lineup. I am jelous that they get to join up! Anyways we made some lifetime friends on this tour and it was a great experience for everyone. Every single show was amazing and the fans never let us down. Traveling to bumfuck arizona and hearing a couple hundred kids sing your song is the coolest feeling ever. Sugarcult was very warming towards us and their personalities suprised the shit out of me. they were such cool guys and even when zack was sick they made him soup and gave him Emergen-C. WHO DOES THAT !?!? Thats like something my mom does...so in a way Sugarcult are our parents. They actually reffered to us as their younger brothers on stage. At the last show of the tour in Little Rock, Arkansas us and Meg n Dia ran on stage during "Bouncing Off the Walls" and started bouncing around and took over Tim's Guitar n Mic, Marko's (my twin) guitar and Airens Bass. It was so fun to bro down with a band that ive been listening to since middle school haha. Alex also got to soundcheck with sugarcult at Texas AM College because tim was at the hospital taking care of his sickness (i think he had a nasty cold). It was so crazy to see alex soundcheck with a band who for the past few years have held a special spot on my ipod and in my cd player :) I attached a pic of him sound-checking for fun. At the end of the show we said our goodbyes and gave our hugs. This is'nt the end of these friendships though, only the beggining...now we head home to write a new cd. Catch us on the road in the northeast in december when we head out with Cobra Starship! Stay safe, Jack

[bocchikurosawa]

I was tagged by @euthymiclurker to do this thing, thanks lol

I tag from the people i think havent been tagged already @nikoni and uhh, idk, maybe you, the one who is reading this right now

1. What takes up too much of your time? Studying basically, and if im in like my free time, vidyagames and anime

2. What makes your day better? Sleeping a lot, watching anime and just inactivity in general

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? My doctor gifted me some meds i needed just because he wanted to get rid of some medical samples

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? Uhh, i never thinked of it, so idk

5. Are you good at giving advice? I try, but i never find the words to make good advice

6. Do you have a mental illness? Last time i checked i was diagnosed with anxiety, but it has been a long time since ive gone to a psychologist, i should tho

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? I think not

8. What musician inspires you the most? No one

9. Have you ever fallen in love? Twice, the problem is since idk what to do when i fall in love i just kinda suffernot knowing what to do and not trying to do anything since i dont expect anything anyways

10. What’s your dream date? Going to eat somewhere special and then walk over a park, or maybe just stay at home and watch movies under a cover in winter while drinking hot cocoa, i imagine thet must feel nice lol

11. What do others notice about you? I tend to be nervous about every academic stuff that happens, and maybe that i fall sleep like everyday in classes and nothing can stop me

12. What’s an annoying habit you have? I tend to evade people even if i dont want to, involuntarily. I tend to think pessimistically. And maybe bouncing my leg, but that annoys some other people, not me

13. Do you still talk to your first love? I cant if i havent had one

14. How many exes do you have? zerooo~

15. How many songs are in your playlist? A lot maybe? i never counted them, i just add them to an unique playlist and hope i will find that song later by luck

16. What instruments can you play? Triangle maybe? I was never good with musical instrument, i should have gone for arts in highschool lol

17. What do you have the most pictures of? Notes of classes ive fallen asleep from my classmates, memes and anime grills

18. Where would you like to go before you die? Europe (any country basically) to visit historical places, national parks in the south of Chile or maybe japan because im a weeb.

19. What’s your zodiac? Leo

20. Do you relate to it? Not at all, its hard for me to be sociable even when i want

21. What is happiness to you? Uhh, idk, maybe having friends and enjoying the things i do, i never tought of this really lol

22. Are you going through anything right now? Take a wild guess

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? Trying to study engineering for 3 years and not enjoying life at all during that time having no friends and no motivation to study

24. What’s your favorite store? Theres a cheese store somewhere in this hell city, its nice

25. What’s your opinion about abortion? Pro without restrictions

26. Do you keep a bucket list? Not really lol, maybe experiencing love? finishing my career at least? finding some self-esteem? idk

27. Do you have a favorite album? Not really lol, i never group songs by albums, i just go with whatever order i found the song

28. What do you want for your birthday? Money, maybe a book, idk

29. What are people’s first impressions of you? Intelligent

30. What age do you seem according to most people? Like 20-22

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? On my nightstand next to my bed

32. What word do you say the most?  Uhh, i dont know, ehh, maybe, ugh, i think

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 26-27

34. What’s the youngest you would date? 22

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? Doctor, basically because im studying for that

36. What’s your favorite music genre? Funk, Disco, Rock and OST from series and vidyagames. After that it comes anime music lol

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? I would be good even if i just happen to live in the south of Chile lol, but if i had to choose another country anything but Chile and EEUU lol. Canada and northern europe seems like good places tho lol

38. What is your current favorite song? “He barrido el Sol“ by “Los Tres“.

39. How long have you had this blog for? I have no idea, but it is definetively since before than 2015

40. What are you excited for? September holidays, some animes and series, maybe even some vidyagames

41. Are you a better talker or listener? Listener i think

42. What was the last productive thing you did? I was studying before i started doing this

43. What do you want for Christmas? Idk really lol, something nice i guess? i never expect anything to recieve as a present lol

44. What class do you get the best grades in? I have basically 1 giant class every semester, so i guess semiology it is

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 5? -2 right now because im sleepy

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years? I hope that finally practicing as a doctor finally lol

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? Like 1,5 years ago lol, it wasnt fun actually

48. What age do you want to get married? I have no hope for that, but idk, maybe before 35? 40?

49. What career did you want to have as a child? Gardener, teacher, scientist, a lot really lol

50. What do you crave right now? Sleep for the love of god

[cassiejade]

**2018 READING STATS**

  Number Of Books You Read

200

Number of Re-Reads

6

Genre You Read The Most

fantasy by far, followed by contemporary

1. Best Book You Read In 2018?

Omg, there were so many, Fellowship of the Ring, Kingdom of Ash, Tower of Dawn, Obsidio, Two Dark Reigns, My Plain Jane. SO MANY! I CANT DO THIS QUESTION

2. Book You Were Excited About & Thought You Were Going To Love More But Didn’t?

War Storm by Victoria Aveyard. I loved Kings Cage and was really looking forward to War Storm but ultimately was very disappointed.

3. Most surprising (in a good way or bad way) book you read?

Iron Gold by Pierce Brown, Morningstar was amazing so many things happened and I was pretty excited about this. Then I started it, and my enthusiasm dwindled with every page. I was very surprised by a long of things that happened and my disappointment was also surprising.

4. Book You “Pushed” The Most People To Read (And They Did)?

American Gods by Neil Gaiman

5. Best series you started in 2018? Best Sequel of 2018? Best Series Ender of 2018?

Start: Mistborn Sequel: Godsgrave Ender: Kingdom of Ash

6. Favorite new author you discovered in 2018?

Brandon Sanderson, I read the Mistborn trilogy and Warbreaker by him and Ive since bought 6 more books by him to read this year, its gonna be the year of Sanderson and feels.

7. Best book from a genre you don’t typically read/was out of your comfort zone?

I don’t usually read adult paranormal romance and I only read one last year so I’m going with the Darkest Night by Gena Showalter

8. Most action-packed/thrilling/unputdownable book of the year?

Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J Maas

9. Book You Read In 2018 That You Would Be MOST Likely To Re-Read Next Year?

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid, I loved this so much.

10. Favorite cover of a book you read in 2018?

Girl Made of Stars by Ashley Herring Blake This cover is stunning.

11. Most memorable character of 2018?

Kvothe from the Name of the Wind

12. Most beautifully written book read in 2018?

Beasts of Extraordinary Circumstance by Ruth Emmie Lang

13. Most Thought-Provoking/ Life-Changing Book of 2018?

Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys

14. Book you can’t believe you waited UNTIL 2018 to finally read?

The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien

15. Favorite Passage/Quote From A Book You Read In 2018?

“In an age of information, we chose to live in ignorance,”

16. Shortest & Longest Book You Read In 2018?

My Shortest book was Opal by Maggie Stiefvater at 38 pages My Longest Book was It by Stephen King at 1,156 pages

17. Book That Shocked You The Most

Little Monsters by Kara Thomas

18. OTP* OF THE YEAR (you will go down with this ship!)

I don’t think I have one

19. Favorite Non-Romantic Relationship Of The Year

The friendships Amanda makes in If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo

20. Favorite Book You Read in 2018 From An Author You’ve Read Previously

Voyager by Diana Gabaldon

21. Best Book You Read In 2018 That You Read Based SOLELY On A Recommendation From Somebody Else/Peer Pressure/Bookstagram, Etc.

Sadie by Courtney Summers

22. Newest fictional crush from a book you read in 2018?

I don’t think I have any

23. Best 2018 debut you read?

Sky in the Deep by Adrienne Young

24. Best Worldbuilding/Most Vivid Setting You Read This Year?

The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden, Arden writes amazing atmosphere.

25. Book That Put A Smile On Your Face/Was The Most FUN To Read?

Josh and Hazels Guide to Not Dating, I loved Hazel and the humor was everything.

26. Book That Made You Cry Or Nearly Cry in 2018?

Obsidio by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff

27. Hidden Gem Of The Year?

The Kings Traitor by Jeff Wheeler, I loved this prequel trilogy, it’s setting up a King Arthur retelling that I’m excited to get into.

28. Book That Crushed Your Soul?

Hero of Ages by Brandon Sanderson

29. Most Unique Book You Read In 2018?

Warbreaker by Brandon Sanderson, that magic system is something that I still think about.

30. Book That Made You The Most Mad (doesn’t necessarily mean you didn’t like it)?

Maybe Now by Colleen Hoover. First of all, the story easily could have ended in 5 different spots, I also hated the actual ending since it kind of reminded me of the ending for Beautiful Disaster. I’m really nervous to reread Maybe Someday because this just made me hate everything.

  1. New favorite book blog/Bookstagram/Youtube channel you discovered in 2018?

I don’t think I really discovered anyone new on youtube but I’ve been really loving PeruseProjects videos, I don’t think I’ve missed one and it always makes my day to see her upload a reading vlog.

2. Favorite post you wrote in 2018?

Moxie Book Review I still think about this book frequently and I still really like this review/only review of 2018

3. Favorite bookish related photo you took in 2018?

4. Best bookish event that you participated in (author signings, festivals, virtual events,  etc.)?

The summer round of the Biannual Bibliothon, I had so much fun participating and I read so much!

5. Best moment of bookish/blogging life in 2018?

I got nothing

6. Most challenging thing about blogging or your reading life this year?

I think it would be trying to gather my thoughts and actually being vocal with them. That’s something I’m going to try to work on more in 2019, posting opinions and just trying to use my voice more.

7. Most Popular Post This Year On Your Blog (whether it be by comments or views)?

January 2018 Wrap Up: aka my best reading month ever

8. Post You Wished Got A Little More Love?

I kinda wish my NaNo updates got some more love

9. Best bookish discovery (book related sites, bookstores, etc.)?

*shakes head*

10.  Did you complete any reading challenges or goals that you had set for yourself at the beginning of this year?

Yes, I completed my Goodreads goal and I’m so happy about that!

  1. One Book You Didn’t Get To In 2018 But Will Be Your Number 1 Priority in 2019?

My top priority was Muse of Nightmares and I already read that one just a few days ago, now it’ll be Skyward by Brandon Sanderson

2. Book You Are Most Anticipating For 2019 (non-debut)?

On the Come Up by Angie Thomas

3. 2019 Debut You Are Most Anticipating?

Again but Better by Christine Riccio

4. Series Ending/A Sequel You Are Most Anticipating in 2019?

Darkdawn by Jay Kristoff

5. One Thing You Hope To Accomplish Or Do In Your Reading/Blogging Life In 2019?

I really want to post more quality content and maybe get 350 subscribers.

6. A 2019 Release You’ve Already Read & Recommend To Everyone (if applicable):

I haven’t read a 2019 release yet. I need to get on that. If I had to predict a book I would say Slayer by Kiersten White.

2018 End of the Year Book survey **2018 READING STATS** Number Of Books You Read 200 Number of Re-Reads 6 Genre You Read The Most���

[flockofdoves]

i dont really know why im posting this on my public blog instead of privately or probably even more sensibly with people i care about (although i just feel so alienated, i’ve become good friends with people in college and i love them a lot but i’m not sure despite how open some people have encouraged me to be, if my relationships are close enough to talk about this kinds of stuff seriously, which might be a weird concern because i overshare all the time but i just always feel really guilty for it) i guess i mind less about people hearing this and more about burdening anyone in specific, idk!!

but yeah ive just been really emotional this week, or really ive had the same range of emotions as usual but ive just been crying a lot again. i used to cry almost every day and have like weekly panic attacks in high school when my relationship with my parents was really toxic and i was harassed every day at school my senior year, but since freshman year after my dad was diagnosed and then my nana passed away and then my dad passed away too for the most part i’ve just been holding in so much and i’m finally starting to let that out this past month or so but in really weird ways where i’ll burst out sobbing even in public over the stupidest shit

and thats started to happen multiple times a week as of this past week and its made me realize how i feel alone all over again. i have one person at university i would consider to genuinely be a close friend even if he may not consider me a best friend, i’m not sure, but we only see each other around every other week when we actually plan to hang out because we’re no longer in any of the same classes or dorms or anything. beyond that i feel most comfortable with people from work, and consider many of them to be my friends, but recently some of my co-managers have been speaking out about how they feel unwelcome in our work environment and it can feel cliquey and it makes me so upset that i didn’t pick up the cues that shouldve made me realize that, i feel like i’m not doing my part and if i am misinterpreting my relationships with my coworkers, then maybe they dont even consider me as much of a friend as i do them.

and then ive started to get closer with a few people ive only really talked to since school started and they really all are just such wonderful people and i want to get to know them better but i worry the way i’m opening up to them is disproportionate and unfair to them but i really don’t know how to navigate this all.

its making me realize i dont think my avoidant personality disorder shit ever actually improved for the most part, it was just that my two best friends, shannon and burke, and my girlfriend, jacqueline, have been a constant in my life for so long now that my constant anxieties about my relationships with others and my interactions didn’t feel as prominent because at least logically i knew i could rely on them

and of course i can, i love all three of them so much and they have been for me through so much, but since college i don’t get to see shannon every day and burke multiple times a month, when we catch up its wonderful, and i’m sure its all natural to how long term friendships work, but not having them here physically sometimes makes me feel a bit more lonely, because regardless of how many seemingly positive interactions i have with someone who isn’t them or who i’ve met in the past couple years, based on experience i can never have the reassurance that i have with them that they have explicitly given me throughout the years for ages after where i currently stand in all my irl friendships, and who knows how much of that all is mutual even now we’re those newer friendships are at. and even jacqueline, who i try to talk to as much as possible, this past year has been so emotionally draining that i’ve slipped into not talking at least once a day like we used to and i feel like i dont have nearly as much time as i want to be spending with her having fun. and for all three of them i worry i just am not there for them like i want to be.

and just specifically with romantic stuff it makes me so upset i’ve only ever got to visit jacqueline irl once, which was almost a year ago now, and that most of that memory even though i loved the short time we had i also associate with my dads health turning even worse because his legs becoming paralyzed while me and my mom were in oklahoma of course meant that we cut the trip short because of course we wanted to make sure my dad was safe and okay.

and yeah just after crying again today, my new friends hugging me was really nice, but when i went into my room right afterward i burst out sobbing, and i have no idea how to recover from this or comfort myself effectively, i only know how to sleep it off and feel like shit when i wake up halfway through the next day. so now thats why i’m writing this to vent and have been for like the past 45 minutes and still havent really gotten to all of it. i don’t know how to comfort myself but i know right now i just really wish i had someone that could just lie down with me and comfort me, maybe even a bit romantically.

and i feel really goofy for saying that, i get really self conscious about how immature i feel compared to so many people my age, sometimes i think its in part an autism thing but also i know other autistics at my university who aren’t like this so i really don’t have a decent excuse but like . i’ve never even done that with someone.

me and jacqueline only got to see each other essentially a day before i suddenly needed to go back to ohio, we were both so nervous, we took a while to even hold hands, and that day and a half we saw each other i had my first kiss, and later my last kiss i’ve had since. both of those and the ones in between being just a peck on the lips. i’m not complaining about that, i don’t think we should’ve rushed our pace, but i think it goes to show how lost i feel in navigating this all if even after knowing her so well and dating her for over 2 years at that point, i froze so much.

i’m comfortable with jacqueline with stuff like that because she’s expressed shes in a similar boat, and i really appreciate that understanding. i think its wonderful how we’ve been together for almost 3 years now, but also thinking about that is wild. i was in such a different place back then, i don’t think i really knew what dating someone or being in a relationship entailed. i’m happy with how we go about our relationship, but also i get really lost when comparing how i define and go about romantic things versus most people i’ve met in college. i’ve never been in a relationship with anyone but her, and i’ve never been in a relationship that wasn’t long distance. i love her and i wish she were closer so maybe we could begin to figure that out together. also ive had a lot of casual crushes on girls at college in the past couple years and i think it would be really nice to explore that too, but honestly i have no idea how to go about that and its so daunting to try to think about so i just resign it as unrealistic unless something extremely significant changes within the next few years, and then i’ll be really pathetic for not knowing anything as a fucking 23 year old maybe in grad school or something. and so i just get to feeling more lonely and having more anxiety about my interactions and relationships with others.

i know its a common thing apparently for lgbt people to be “late bloomers” but im surrounded by so many lgbt people who are so far ahead of me with relationship stuff, and i don’t think i’ve met a single lgbt person in college besides myself who is quite this inexperienced/naive/etc.

i dont know how i’m ever supposed to learn this stuff at this rate, even if i feel slightly less bad about stuff like my appearance and personality nowadays (or more like, i know i look weird but i care less now because i dont care enough any more to try changing my appearance over it, and then i’m still terrible with communication and social cues and oversharing and all my weird shit etc etc etc but i guess at least i try to be compassionate and that must at least be somewhat noticeable if other people sometimes remark on it), even if people are fine with that and find me interesting enough, i really don’t see how almost any girl who got that far would then find it worth it to deal with how fucking stunted i am in that regard. like thats just not fair to have to have someone guide me around so much because i just have no idea what to do and no idea How to figure that out.

so yeah im just . having a rough time im very emotional and expressing it physically (which while somewhat cathartic after feeling so empty, also makes me feel worse because the context in which i last was like this is not one i want to dwell on now that my dad has passed and ive been in the process of forgiveness) and i have so much love for so many people but also i feel so so so so so lost and alone and stunted and i really just don’t know how to begin working on that and its really embarrassing to admit.