#i havent had the time to see his interviews so i could have missed out some details maybe

[cerealmonster15]

not 2 be dramatic but also it is my blog where i can ramble about what im feeling whenever i WANT!!! anyway i like. feel like something is fundamentally missing from my entire being or w/e lol. like. i mean there's a very high chance i have adhd which does explain a looooooooot of The Way That I Am and my struggle at doing and focusing on stuff and things and my rapid rotating around short interests in things. but like i also feel like [and maybe this is part of adhd idfk, i havent been Officially Diagnosed just a lot of therapists and friends with adhd all tell me i probs do lol] i just dont feel motivated to do things. and ive been this way i think a lot of my life. i realized a looooong time ago that i was not so motivated by passion but by fear!!!!! fear of failure or whatever!!!

fuckin adding a readmore bc i ended up talking forever lmao

like in school. i got good grades but i never really felt smart exactly. i was able to work really hard and spend a lot of time doing homework and whatever because i feared the consequence of failure. i didnt wanna get bad grades [not even from like a threat from home or anything, i just was afraid of the system lol like i didnt wanna fail and then snowball into ruining everything for my future or w/e. like i've always been kinda 0 to 100 in things like that lolol]

but like i remember going into college like "well i am interested in physics and compsci so i guess ill declare double major til i decide which one id rather do" but i didnt really have a clear goal. physics i dropped first because as much as i like the concept, the classes were still hard and i didnt have any idea of what i'd do with it if i did pursue it. comp sci i at least was like "well i like video games i could do something with that probably" but then i nearly flunked and dropped the class lol. my fault for skipping an intro class bc i was like "Well i learned a lot of the basics in high school" bitch u did not retain any of those basics. anyway i ended up swapping to digital arts under that same "well i like shows and games maybe i can do something with that" and that did ultimately lead me to grad school for game dev and learning what tech art is and all that. and i was employed as one for a lil while!

but then i got let go. and in the midst of a really Hard Time to be unemployd for gamedev bc of the mass layoffs ALSO happening over and over and over and over, so despite the fact that i have some industry experience, i have a significantly harder time even getting interviewed. but a lot of it is my portfolio - unfortunately the nature of the jobs i had didnt really net me much in the way of tangible portfolio work, and a quality / updated portfolio really is what matters in this field

and thats where i hit my problem. i really am not self motivated or like, creative. i dont really have ideas. a lot of my portfolio was school assignments <- stuff i had to do. stuff people told me to do. even now, i sometimes do vfx to help my partner with his solo game hes been making for years, and thats my main portfolio addition source because i need someone to tell me what they want. and then i also struggle to see the vision of that sometimes like ive been SO STUCK on a specific effect im making for the game bc im not understanding the vision and also im not really around other tech artists or vfx artists much anymore. not like in grad school lol. even at my prev job i was the main vfx person so i was kind of on my own floundering around to figure stuff out- and a lot of times i couldnt. there was no senior to guide me if i got stuck.

so when i'm just alone in a vacuum with nothing forcing me to do things i just dont. i LIKE vfx and shaders and even python, but if i dont have a thing where i have to follow specific tasks i just cant think of anything interesting or unique to do myself. even a lot of the python ive learned recently was from a udemy course, which helped a lot bc it was structured with little assignments, explanations i understood in small bursts, and specific projects with specific goals. one of those i did kinda expand on based on what i learned to make a portfolio thing, sort of. it's out of place on my artstation bc it's not really gamedev related at all but its python and it's SOMETHING. python is a tech art skill at least. i can replace it sometime if i have more relevant things but i just dont right now. i dont know what to make. i have no tool ideas, or even if i have a vague idea i just go "i dont really know how id do that" and dont feel motivated enough to figure things out or to make that vague idea even somewhat interesting. vfx i just go "i dont know how to make this look more interesting" and get stuck at unimpressive points if anything. i dont have the designer or passion part of the brain that i kinda need to survive this and it scares me. i like the structure and stability of being employed because someone tells me what they need. i dont know what i'm supposed to do on my own but im supposed to figure it out otherwise my portfolio stays stagnant forever!!!

so many times people will like. have a side project. they learn from those projects. they have a vision they want to see completed and they pick up skills for that thing. my partner is a big example with his game hes making - he could already program but hes learned a lot of the art needed to make it work, because he wanted to see the game made. people have like their comics or animations or games or whatever they do, hobbies, anything that they feel passionate about and i feel like i just lack that passion. scared that i like the idea of doing things more than doing them even if i do enjoy doing the things when i do them, but not enough to like, get myself motivated to lol. if that even makes sense.

like idk. i at least have martial arts - i did aikido in college and i do capoeira now- but it's stuff i can only do bc i have a regular group i pay and go participate in with other people. once i dont have those group settings i dont do it on my own.

ive tried to get myself to learn musical instruments so many times but once i stopped taking lessons for sax or piano bc i got busy with school, i mostly just dropped them. i cant motivate myself enough to practice on my own even tho i did learn enough fundamentals that i probably COULD if i just. cared enough i guess. i always had in the back of my mind that it would be cool, IN THEORY, to draw comics or make a dating sim/visual novel of any flavor, a virtual pet, a farm sim, whatever. but i dont actually have the vision for it. i dont have a story to tell. i'm not motivated enough. ive looked up several times ways i might be able to use python to make a lil tamagotchi project to practice but i just never do!!! maybe i know enough python from the udemy now that i could but would i?? idk!!!

people always say you learn best by just jumping into it. find something fun you want to make or do and then learn as you go. but i dont have passion. im in a vacuum. even with my fics, i still like writing my fics!!! but i slowed down so much on those. because before, i was writing them to share between my friend and me when we were first getting into twst and based off a lot of inside jokes and ideas bouncing off of each other lol. fics, aus, doodles, whatever. and we still talk twst but she isnt caught up to main story anymore and it's not as much of a thing we talk as often or deeply about. i think my doodles got a lot more boring as a result and ive had less ideas. but i do still love the characters so so so so much and i do have fics i want to write... but it slowed down and i dont WANT it to slow down. i get excited over characters and games, and it doesnt really help me in terms of trying to fuckin Get A Job or Learn A Skill or whatever but. like at least it's something. i feel like my doodles got more bland too like i just kinda redoodle the same stiff generic things over and over and over again forever

there are so many things i can just do a little bit of but not enough to be like. impressive. or hireable. or helpful or smart or knowledable or whatever. like i can crochet a little bit. i can sew a LITTLE bit to get some simpler cosplays but nothing fancy. im not motivated enough to push those further to like "make my own clothes" or a more ambitious cosplay even tho i like the base level stuff. i can program a LITTLE in python but cant motivate myself to figure out what to do with it. i used to know a little hlsl and i know some node based shader stuff but not enough to be super deep with it. like more than a non tech artist i guess but not enough to make things that really look all that good 😑 i used to do tech theater in high school, but only really knew the basics of the woodworking and lightbooth stuff, not enough/not kept up with where i could do anything with that now even though i enjoyed it then. i was in chorus in school for like five years in middle/high school and i took some basic piano and saxophone lessons but every time i try to go back to something like that im dusting off the cobwebs. i also have always had huge anxiety so i coudnt ever have considered a performance thing with it anyway. whenever i was in school chorus production musical things i was only in ensemble parts or at the very least singing with a small group of other people because i never had the ambition or desire or bravery to try and stand out lol. i liked being backstage. i started learning to rollerskate but i only ever really got to a point where i could move around without falling over and then as soon as i started capoeira i never touched the skates again. even though it was fun! i studied spanish for years and used to practice with my father but i barely ever do now, even thought i knew enough to go to spain on a school trip we still were in an english comfortable environment and i really could just fumble my way through simple conversations in spanish. i dont keep up with it enough to like, be able to smoothly translate more casual dialogue or whatever and as much as id really love to practice that more, i once again dont have the motivation or drive or even ideas for it. i have a few times thought learning portuguese for capoeira or japanese for just generic enjoyment of japanese games and anime and stuff would be cool but i do. not. stick. with. it.

i do notice lately that the other thing. next to the fear of failure motivation. it is the community thing. i do capoeira not out of fear but because there are other people i go and do it with. i pay for the classes, i enjoy the classes, i do the classes with other people. when i was in school i had other classmates doing the same things with me. when i was in tech theater or chorus clubs i had clubmates. music instrument classes i had the instructor / it was something my mother was paying for me to do / the instructor would give me homework to practice and i had to be able to report to that person the next week so i would have the incentive to do it [another failure thing i guess but still lol]. cosplay i do alone as i make it but then i see other people at cons. i hadnt done new ones in a long time tho because i wasnt going to cons, and the only one i made recently i also had the motivation and deadline of a con coming up that a friend and i were going to go to together and our cosplays connected. theres community. but right now i have no job to worry about failing at, and no coworkers to bounce ideas off of. personal projects are in such a vaccuum i just dont have the motivation or self discipline. even the udemy python thing, some lessons are more interesting than others, and it's general python stuff so rn the recent stuff is like, good dev stuff but not gamedev stuff; but i have learned enough where i probs could take it and run but i dont know how or why or what to do with it!!!

i dont know if im even making a point here i think ive just had these thoughts swirling around my mind and overwhelming me for. well kind of forever LOL

[kyurizeu]

#18 - I missed you. (Im)possibly fate

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Recent - masterlist - next

Warnings: cursing, awkwardness, boring ass convos, bad grammar

Word count: 1,2k

A/n: hello everyone! I’m trying to come back to tumblr tho it really hard because i have no ideas for stories. So help is very much appreciated! I havent proofread this (oops)

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

The week had passed quicker than expected. You hadn’t had any energy or motivation the whole week because your biggest energy source wasn’t there. You were way too scared to go talk to Jungwon as a result of possibly irritating him again, so you decided it would be best if he just thought about it alone. Although it did pass your mind to go talk to him and make him feel bad about being distant, you knew it was unfair; you were in the same situation after all. You felt like he was mad because for the whole week he didn’t send a single message, not even a "gm" or gn," so you were anxious about seeing him again, especially with the same conversation. It would’ve been smarter to text him and get all of the worries out of the way, but before you knew it, it was Thursday morning, and you had to talk the whole thing over again.

Just like your everyday routine, you got ready and left the dorm with your members. The day's schedule was filled with a couple meetings, scheduling, and promotions, and later in the evening, the most important thing was an interview with Jungwon about the song.

You sighed and sat down in the meeting room. You were the first one there, which was definitely not fun. Whoever is the first person to be in the meeting room has to wait for everyone to come separately and stay quiet and awkward when there's only one or two just sitting. So you took out your phone and scrolled on it, afraid to look up when someone entered the meeting room. "Good morning, yn," said Jungwon. You looked up at him, trying to read his facial expression to match his feelings. Oh, hello, Winnie," it was so awkward. You two hadn’t spoken in a week and were a couple; the room atmosphere was so uncomfortable. Should you even call him "babe" anymore, or does he want to break up? You started to fidget with your fingers while overthinking everything until your thoughts were interrupted by him again. "look umh… Things have been a little strange between us the past week, but I just want you to know that I’m not mad or anything." He sat down across the table. "I didn’t text you because I tried to give you space. I realised that it could seem like I’m trying to pressure you to make up your mind." "I did that too." It was still strangely awkward, but you just needed to say something. "Jungwon?" He looked back up at you from his phone. "I missed you so much." Your lips formed a straight line. Jungwon got up and gave you a warm hug, and without a word, you felt so much more comfortable. "I missed you too, sweetie." Just then the meeting room doors opened and more people came in. Jungwon didn’t sit back on his original chair, but now next to you. The meeting started about 3 minutes later.

Okay, so today we have arrangements. We need to plan the meetings, interviews, promotional activities, and the rest of the week so they fit into both Jungwon’s and Yn’s schedules. But first we have the big question. Jungwon and Yn wanted to take it into consideration to let them make their relationship public. What do we do?" Your manager started

Well, um, me and Jungwon took some time thinking about our opinions on it separately." You stated this, and Jungwon nodded next to you.

Okay, so what do you two think?"

"I was thinking about pros and cons for both scenarios. I came to the conclusion that, in my opinion, It’d be better if we went public."

Jungwon finally told me which decision he ended up with.

"Don’t you think that it’s more on the bad side to go public, though? The public is spreading rumours and isn’t making things easy for either of you." His manager spoke up.

"Of course the fact that the public is suspicious and spreading rumours about us isn’t good and would hurt our case, but they have in fact spread them for a while now, meaning that they have become a little normalised, which takes away the problem, plus my fans haven’t sent anything weird to live comments or anything like that, unlike when the rumours started a little over a week ago."

You stared as Jungwon defended his decision, and you couldn’t help but admire the way he was explaining everything. His hands waving in the air made cute gestures, and his brows moved up and down, making him look more convincing. His dimple popped up on his cheek at times when he was talking, and your mind told you to boop it with your finger, but then you heard your name being called out.

O-oh, yes, what?"

"Which choice do you find more smart?"

Oh, yes, well.. I thought about how our future in our careers would go in both directions, and I have to admit that our careers would suffer a little from going public, but then I thought about our future together, which has nothing to do with our careers. I realise that we can survive a little damage, no matter if it’s with our careers or not, or even a lot of damage, when we have each other. I assume also Jungwon’s but especially my career would get a little damage from either situation since being away from Jungwon would take a lot of energy and motivation from me. I learned that this week. I would be able to get through rumours, hate, scandals, and god knows what else if I had Jungwon by my side. So going public Is definitely my choice."

You nodded at your manager after letting your thoughts out, and he gave a quick glance at Jungwon, as did you. He was smiling cutely, and he looked back at you. "Well.. i guess if we can plan the rest of the week in this meeting, i guess that’s what we will do, unless our plans clash with going public. See, we haven’t planned anything where you two would have the opportunity to announce it."

"Well, we don’t have to do some big splashy reveal. We could just go live and tell everyone, or maybe walk hand in hand somewhere and let the news spread."

Ooh, does that mean I can post the cute picture I have of myself in your hoodie?" You turned to your boyfriend, who chuckled in response. "Not the best way to announce this," he said, patting your head, and you fake pouted. "Let’s discuss the reveal when you get better ideas; we need to do a lot more."

And so the meeting ended happily, just as you wanted it to. Jungwon and you walked out of the room, and he pulled you into a big hug again. "The explanation why you wanted to go public was so cute. God, I really do love you," you smirked, looking up at him while you were squished between his arms and chest. He gave you a quick peck, and you two had to leave to do your own work for the day.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Taglist:

@harperwasstaken @strwberrydinosaur @letapostropheesgo @yngwife @chogolei @ddeonmixx @j-wyoung @xiaoderrrr @vivibelov3d @ablackbtsstan @chaechae-23 @vizstars @tlnyjoong @ahnneyong @deobitifull @jungwonnieee @yumilovesloona @ikeu4life @nyxtwixx @s02zjy @choclate32 @soobiverse @maimoirs @gigi-honeyjaes @kimiplx @jakeify @sullkyoons2 @hoonieluv @minnesueng @luvmura

[henbased]

CHARACTER INTERVIEW - JUDE BLANCHARD

tagged by @florbelles to do an age old OC interview that im sure i had been tagged in so many other countless times. so how about i be the one to spring them back around!

no pressure, i have no idea whose done this but if you have but havent for another character... 👀✨. sending them out to @adelaidedrubman @8bitpizzacoupons @unholymilf @fourlittleseedlings @roofgeese @stacispratt @dirtyimbecile @necro-hamster @shallow-gravy @poetikat @strangefable @deputy-morgan-malone @strafethesesinners @turbo-virgins @killyourrdarlingss @thespiral @locustandwildhoney @ishwaris and anyone else who wants to do it! for any fandom just tag me i wanna see 😈

shoutout to stella for letting me completely steal her template #slothliving

the heralds are very curious about the deputy hanging around joseph after the botched arrest. john's been tasked with gathering information.

NAME?

JUDE. jude.

JOHN. full name, if you would?

JUDE. judith.

JOHN. i heard from a certain little mouse that your last name is —

JUDE. nancy, yeah. It’s blanchard.

ARE YOU SINGLE?

JUDE. raises an eyebrow.

JOHN. clicks teeth.

ARE YOU HAPPY?

JUDE. i wouldn’t use that word.

JOHN. what word would you use then?

JUDE. neutral.

ARE YOU ANGRY?

JUDE. depends.

JOHN. on?

JUDE. the hour.

ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED?

JUDE. snorts. i guess.

JOHN. you don’t know?

JUDE. is a dead widow still married?

JOHN. it depends on how long the deceased has —

JUDE. been deceased? guess they wouldn’t be married after 13 years. it really isn’t death do we part then, huh.

BIRTHPLACE?

JUDE. philly.

JOHN. hm.

JUDE. something to say?

JOHN. it just explains a lot.

JUDE. like?

JOHN. would you like to continue?

HAIR COLOR?

JUDE. blonde.

JOHN. dullish blonde.

JUDE. dishwater blonde.

EYE COLOR?

JUDE. brown.

BIRTHDAY?

JUDE. march 13th, 1990.

JOHN. you’re a pisces.

JUDE. isn’t your little creature a scorpion?

JOHN. how do you know my —

JUDE. joseph told me.

MOOD?

JUDE. could be better. could be worse.

JOHN. are you not delighted by my company?

JUDE. laughs.

GENDER?

JUDE. gal.

SUMMER OR WINTER?

JUDE. summer for the weather, winter for the ambiance.

JOHN. the ambiance?

JUDE. i like the quiet.

MORNING OR AFTERNOON?

JUDE. morning, but i hate getting up for it.

— EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.

ARE YOU IN LOVE?

JUDE. hums.

JOHN. (after a beat) if you don’t want to answer, we can —

JUDE. let’s do that.

WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP?

JUDE. laughs. I don’t even remember.

HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART?

JUDE. don’t think so. (a beat) probably.

ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS?

JUDE. that’s an interesting question.

JOHN. are you avoiding answering it, deputy?

JUDE. well, seeing as i haven’t shown up to be a deputy in awhile, guess you could say i am.

JOHN. why is that?

JUDE. cuz i’m busy answering people’s stupid questions.

HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITH IN THE LAST WEEK?

JUDE. laughs. yeah.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER?

JUDE. it was more like a stalker situation.

JOHN. that sounds frightening.

JUDE. yeah. the guy even had his siblings in on it, asking them to try and get in my head. was a whole thing.

JOHN. i'm assuming you got away safely.

JUDE. eh. got me to where i am now.

HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART?

JUDE. you gonna be asking me questions like that you should be treating me to some whiskey.

JOHN. eden’s gate does not endorse drinking alcohol, which you very well should know, and second of all, i do not have anything like that in my —

JUDE. oh fuck off, i won’t tell him. pour us some shots. what’s the next question?

— SIX CHOICES.

LOVE OR LUST?

JUDE. coughs. fuck. uh — 

JOHN. actually, let’s —

JUDE. lust.

LEMONADE OR ICED TEA?

JUDE. iced tea.

CATS OR DOGS?

JUDE. either.

JOHN. you strike me as a cat person.

JUDE. that feels like an insult coming from you.

JOHN. it’s just an observation.

A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS?

JUDE. (silence) i miss — (silence) many regular friends.

WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN?

JUDE. wanna do this one with me?

JOHN. no.

JUDE. (sound of glass clinking) romantic night in.

DAY OR NIGHT?

JUDE. daytime. the feel of sunlight on you. can’t beat it.

— FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS.

BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT?

JUDE. we were all teenagers once.

FALLEN DOWN/UP THE STAIRS?

JUDE. (gags) god this taste like shit.

JOHN. can you please answer —

JUDE. it’s not even a good question, calm down. ‘course i have, i was a teenager once.

WANTED SOMETHING/SOMEONE SO BADLY IT HURT?

JUDE. hums. yeah.

JOHN. pause. is it —

JUDE. it’s hard to explain.

JOHN. how so?

JUDE. it’s complicated.

JOHN. care to elabor—

JUDE. no.

WANTED TO DISAPPEAR?

JUDE. laughs. yeah.

— FOUR PREFERENCES.

SMILE OR EYES?

JUDE. is this almost done with?

JOHN. answer the question.

JUDE. smile.

SHORTER OR TALLER?

JUDE. doesn’t really matter much to me.

JOHN. you are quite on the —

JUDE. shorter side, you’re so funny.

INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION?

JUDE. attraction.

JOHN. quick to answer. are you truly that shallow?

JUDE. yeah.

HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP?

JUDE. what’s the section after this?

JOHN. family.

JUDE. do one with me and i’ll answer the question.

JOHN. no, i already have to edit this, just —

JUDE. so you’re already editing it! i’m pouring two.

JOHN. don’t — you haven’t answered —

JUDE. relationship.

— FAMILY.

DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG?

JUDE. we did.

JOHN. not anymore?

JUDE. nope.

WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A MESSED UP LIFE?

JUDE. (a beat) no.

HAVE YOU EVER RUN AWAY FROM HOME?

JUDE. no.

HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT?

JUDE. no. well, my mom used to tell me to go to the park whenever she got pissed off at me, but i don’t think that’s falls under being kicked out.

JOHN. hmm. did your mother get angry at you a lot?

JUDE. eh, she was just hotheaded and opinionated.

JOHN. and your father, was he around during all this?

JUDE. i’ll answer if you tell me what the duncan’s were like.

— FRIENDS.

DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS?

JUDE. it’s not really a secret, and they’re not really my friend.

JOHN. i’ve never seen you talk to anyone besides joseph.

JUDE. and you. right now.

JOHN. we are not friends.

JUDE. i wasn’t talking about you anyway, moron.

DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS?

JOHN. what kind of insult is moron, anyway? what are you, ten?

JUDE. are you upset over being called a moron?

JOHN. i’m not upset —

WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?

JUDE. don’t have one. wanna be my best friend, john?

JOHN. no.

WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU?

JUDE. do one with me, come on. don’t be a buzzkill, i know you drink.

JOHN. you’re — you — groans. will you promise to answer the rest of them with no complaining?

JUDE. yeah, i swear. 

JOHN. (a beat, sound of glass being set on a surface) there. now, if you would please —

JUDE. (coughs) god, i hate whiskey. joseph does.

JOHN. he does not like whiskey.

JUDE. no, he knows the most about me, you moron.

JOHN. i am not a —

JOSEPH. (muffled) what are you two doing?

(recording stops abruptly)

[louiscassettes]

lucky again interpretation

even though life is too busy at the moment, i wanted to post my interpretation of lucky again because im absolutely obsessed with this song right now and i need to get it out.

overall, to me this song feels like him talking to his younger self, specifically when he was in 1D, how he lost himself but worked towards finding himself and is now back to his true self again.

1st verse: "you give and give until it's gone away, just tell yourself you've got another day" - he starts off with these lines as an allusion to how he presumably gave the most of himself to the band, writing those many songs by pouring out all his emotions till he might've felt emotionally drained but telling himself he has another day to catch his breath, to get a break.

"you've lived that life, you just don't see it yet, i see how hard you've worked to be yourself" - current louis telling his younger self that he has lived that superstar life and did the insane level of hard work that superstars do but it might be difficult to see then as it all felt very surreal being in the band and being thrust to this level of fame so fast.

pre chorus: "if you believe a guy is Superman, they're selling tickets at the cinema, whatever gets you through the darkest night, just find the light out in the madness, hold tight" - fav lyrics from the song!! but also, this para sort of stumps me a little. from i could gather, it looks younger louis might've believed some guy is the "saviour" (like how superheroes are supposed to be saving people), so he tries to go see him. but maybe he was wrong (note the use of 'if' and 'whatever', used as a tone of dismissal to that previous belief of the guy being some sort of a true helping hand). or i feel it could also be about how louis likes/d marvel/dc and this para could be referring to how it was so mad being in the band, he found someone who he thought of as superman in his head, just to ground him, even though he probably knew it wasn't true. but he needed that false belief to hold on and get himself through the darkest nights of madness.

chorus: "'cause I'm a hard man to lose, but i figured it out, then made my way back to a life I would choose, we werе lucky once, i could be lucky again" - this feels about how he lost sight of himself as an artist after 1D which was hard for him as up until then he probably had a sense of identity regarding everything he did including songwriting in 1D and leading 1D. louis has also mentioned similar sentiments in many interviews after the 1D hiatus and during walls release. he then goes on tell his younger self that he figured out how to come back to the life he wants (to make the kind of music he wants to, go on tour, play the venues that he wants to, sing his own songs to his fans). he is also telling his younger self that they (current and younger louis) were lucky to have had the opportunity of being in 1D (and thus hard launching his career) but he could also be lucky again (with his solo career to have a similar amount of love from fans). the last line of the chorus makes me sob.

2nd verse: "beforе the world, it got so serious; before the time, it got away from us i'll meet you at the favourite subway stop; we grab some food, then meet the lads for one" - his world got serious as he went from being a high school student in a small town to being in the biggest boy band of the decade. louis felt the time getting away from him, slipping through his fingers as he grew up in the haze of being in the public eye (he has similar themes of being afraid of growing up, of change in other songs and interviews). current louis wants to meet the louis he was (before all of the above happened) at his favourite subway stop to just grab some food, take a breath, and probably meet his childhood buddies for one beer (ties in to how he references pubs and night out with his lads in other songs). (the subway stop might have been a hangout spot with his friends and could have a lot of fun pre-fame memories attached, hence "favourite").

"i'm a hard man to find, but you figured it out and I love you for that look back on a time; i was lucky once, i could be lucky again" - the final two lines are almost identical to the lines in the chorus, but with some changes. current louis seems to assure his younger self that was lost that he figured it out and found himself, for which he loves him (himself?). for me, the last line further solidifies this theory of current and past louis for me as he says "look back on a time" = 1D; AND he finally changes the "WE" to "I" in the line "i was lucky once" as throughout the song it seems to progress through his career. like he started from 1D in verse 1 by giving it all, to feeling lost after the band in verse 2 to reaching this stage where his current and past selves meet. i sort of imagine past him walking through the stages of his life and merging with his current self as a form of self acceptance and acknowledgement of everything he has lived through. and lastly, now that the two are one, he refers to himself, current or past, as just "I" (instead of "we"), saying that since he was lucky once, he could be lucky again.

also, his soft voice in the whole song could be how he is talking gently to his past self who current louis knows how lost he is feeling.

anyways, this was soooo long but yeah. love fitf so much and i literally cannot stop playing ever since it came out!!

[sweet-villain]

Just Let It Be~ J.Q

Anonymous asked:

Hi!! I love ur stories!! They really make me feel something and I appreciate your writing a lot!! I was wondering if you could do a JQ x reader where the reader is part of the cast of House of the Dragon and she and Joseph have been dating for about a little over a year now but they havent made it public yet. The both of them got thrown into fame over night so they’re both like each others comfort person when it comes to handling fame and the anxiety that comes with it. The rest of the cast of house of the dragon like to tease her about him in interviews with saying how much they adore him and how undeniably hot he is without mentioning his name (and the ST cast do the same with reader) but the fans start to grow suspicious of them so they decide to make their first couple appearence together at the dior show in Paris. Her co-star Fabien Frankel is also there, but the crowd goes so wild over them that they both need to protect her from it before she literally gets trampled :)) thank u!!!! Keep up the good work xxx

Author's Note : Thank you so much lovely, that means so much to me <3

" You look a little stressed. When are you seeing your man?" Emma asked as they walked over to you watching you run your fingers through your hair as you let out a sigh. It has been stressful day today with filming and you would be home tomorrow for a couple of days to see Joseph.

Joseph and you have met over a year ago through a mutual friend who thought you two had to meet and you would be perfect for him. As soon as his eyes met yours, he was smitten. You never met someone as beautiful as Joseph.

No one knew that you were dating Joseph, you both liked to keep you love life private. Your cast mates from House Of Dragon and his cast mates from Stranger Things knew all about you and Joseph.

But it doesn't stop them from teasing you from time to time. Same went to Joseph.

" I'll be home tomorrow to see him"

" She can't wait to for a stress relief" Matt, your co star teased as he wiggled his eyebrows up and down with a smirk on his face.

" Leave the poor girl alone, Smith" Fabian says as he wraps around you, " but we all know she won't be getting any sleep" he teased, your cheeks reddened as you pushed him away. He threw his head back laughing with Matt as the two loved to tease you the most about your love life.

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Joseph's head turned at the sound of the door being unlocked, the jingle of your keys brought a smile on his face as he headed out of the kitchen to peek around the corner.

You walked into the share apartment as you rolled your suitcase in leaving it by the door, removing your shoes and putting them with the others by the closet door and hanging up your coat once you have it off.

You set your keys in the little bowl right next to Joseph's keys with your phone on the little table. A small smile lights up on your face seeing the picture next to the key bowl. Joseph was giving you piggy back ride while you were looking at him and he looked at you with a smile on his face.

" Hi love" you heard Joseph greet you as you were two busy staring at the picture. One of your favorite pictures in the apartment of you and your boyfriend. Your head turned seeing he was leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest.

" Hi there" you made your way over to him, he dropped his arms that crossed his chest as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close to him. You lean up brushing your nose against his as you look into his brown beautiful eyes.

" I've missed you" you mumble against his lips, wrapping your arms around his neck and playing with the little hairs at the back of his neck by his hair.

" I've missed you more" he captures your lips with his as they move as one. You have missed the feeling of being in his arms, the feeling of his lips against your own, the way he smiled and looked at you, the way it felt right when he was around and you missed when he told you he loves you.

You pulled away as sniffed the air.

" Are you cooking?" you asked. He nods.

" I wanted to make dinner for you. I know how stressed you must be" you rose your eyebrow at that. You never mentioned it to him how these past few days have been difficult.

" Where did you hear that?" he shyly smiles as he shrugs pulling away. You squinted your eyes at him as you watch him rub the back of his neck with his cheeks turning red.

" I might of texted Fabian.." He shrugs but turns his back as he heads back to the kitchen remembering he was cooking still and it wasn't done. You follow him to the kitchen watching from the door way as he stands besides the stove.

" Fabian?" He nods as he looks over at you briefly before goes back to cooking. " Why Fabian?" He points a spatula at you.

" Because Matt would of asked me about our plans and then would tease me how much you have me wrapped around your finger"

You giggled.

" I would of texted Emma but she would just get Matt in it two and the both of them would never stop"

" Right" you chuckled as you made your way over to him and wrap your arms around him as you laid your head on his back.

" Why don't you go get comfy love? Wash up and everything you need while I finish? I'm almost done, then we can get dinner and we can cuddle in bed? How does that sound?" He asks as he looks at you over his shoulder.

" Sounds perfect just like you" his cheeks paint the color red as he brings one of your hands that were latched around his waist up to his lips, places a kiss on top.

You were perfect.

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" We are here with Emma D'Arcy, Matt Smith, Fabian Frankel and Y/N L/N. Some of the cast members of House Of Dragon" the interview said with her card in her hands as she sits in her chair. You sat in between Fabian and Matt. " How are you doing?"

" Thank you for having us" you say. They all chorus in that they are good and that they were ready for this interview. The interviewer had asked about the show, how everyone was getting a long, tried to get some spoilers and shared laughs.

Then she turns you.

" Y/N, since coming onto the show, you have been such a sensation with your character. You're every where, fans adore you and the press loves you. How does all of this feel?"

" It's wild how overnight everything changed in my life. I'm still not used to all this love, from the fans and from my cast mates who are so sweet and wonderful" you reached over to pat Matt on the chest, he smiles over to you. " I don't think I am ever going to get used to this feeling, it blows my mind how much my life sky rocketed. I can't never thank enough for the support. It brings me to tears and makes me so happy how much people adore me.. thank you.."

Your eyes brim with tears as you talk about it.

" Awe we love you" Fabian says. " You're one of the best" he adds.

You put your hand on your heart as you pout a little.

" Thank you"

The interview asks Matt a couple of questions, laughs with him as she moves to Fabian then to Emma and then to you.

" I got to ask Y/N. Are you single?" Fabian smirks in his chair with his hands folded in his lap. Matt does to as he leans his head on his head, smirking behind his hand. Emma giggles. The interviewer is confused on what's happening.

" No I'm not" you answered.

" She got a hot man in her life" Emma says as they shared a look with you. Your eyes motion for them to not say anything.

" He's quite the looker" Matt jokes, Fabian agrees.

" Such an eye candy" Emma giggles. Your cheeks are beet red as you look down at your lap.

" He's really really really really really really pretty. I adore him so much, he's been my safe place whenever I"m anxious or feeling down. Honestly, he's made me the better person I am today and every day I'm thankful to have someone like my boyfriend by my side through it all" you say when you look back up.

" Awe" Emma gushed putting their hands together hearing you gush over your boyfriend.

" She's in love" Matt and Fabian say together.

" I am" you smile wide, nibbling on your bottom lip.

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Joseph had an interview with Jamie today too, he was a bit busy when you got back to the apartment missing hearing him greet you with a kiss or a hug. That man is your everything.

You had folded some clothes back in your shared closet with Joseph and answered some emails before Joseph walked into your shared bedroom. He wore sunglasses on top of his curls, he wore a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbow with jeans and he wore that shy smile you love whenever he looked at you.

" Hi lovely" he greets you as he opens his arms. His fingers wiggle as he waits for you to walk into his arms and when you do, he buries his head into your hair breathing in your scent. He loves coming home to you and feeling like everything is better.

" How was your interview? you asked as you look up at him. His hand reaches up to brush your hair behind your ears. Immediately your heart flutters at his action.

" It went well, they asked about you" he says. You raise your eyebrow asking him to go on. You were interested in where was this going.

" They asked if I was single and who had happened to capture my heart"

" I hope you didn't say my name. I mean we did agree to not let people know" He nods, his lips ghosting against your forehead.

" Don't worry love, I didn't. Jamie on the other hand had called you that I have a hot girlfriend waiting for me at home. He called you sweet as a cupcake and cute as a button too" He scrunched up his nose because at the time Jamie said this, he felt a green monster knocking.

" Sweet as a cupcake? Where did Jamie get that?" He shrugs, a small frown is on his face which you take notice. Your hands up his cheeks, " You know your the only one I love and want to be with"

He nods.

" Stop frowning and pouting. I was asked about in my interview too"

" Oh?" Joseph title his head to the side a bit as you reach up to remove the sunglasses on top of his head and walk over to the small dresser laying them there with the others.

" Don't worry, I didn't say your name or anything else. Matt, Fabian and Emma had told them how hot my boyfriend is and that I was in love"

He made his way over to you as he wraps his arm around you and puts his head on your shoulder as he kisses it.

" Are you?" you turn to look at him over your shoulder giving him a look like what kind of question is that. He chuckles as he shrugs loving to hear that you love him.

" You know I do. With my whole entire heart and being"

" To the moon and back?"

" To the moon and back"

" Forever?"

" Forever" you nod turning in his arms as you go on your toes to kiss him.

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The fans have been getting suspicion about you and Joseph, they had comment on the photos you post on social media that you were maybe dating Joseph. They had put two and two when Jamie talked about how Joseph had a hot girlfriend at him and your cast members told the interviewer that you had a hot boyfriend at home. It was if those words were clues for them.

Some pictures were posted on the internet of you walking with a man with a baseball cap, and sunglasses covering his eyes. Joseph had done his best to cover up when the two of you went out that date to a small cafe.

You had seen some of his fans and yours with the shirts they were wearing. But no one came up to take pictures or say anything. Later that day, photos of you and Joseph emerged on the internet. But you could not tell it was Joseph.

You had shown Joseph the picture.

" Maybe it's time I get to show the whole world how beautiful my girlfriend is? I want to be able to show you off" he sits besides you on the bed. He takes the phone from your hands and placed it on the small table. Joseph turns back around and takes your hands in his.

" Are you sure? We did agree that we wanted to keep our relationship private" He nods, bringing your hand to his lips and kisses it.

" I know love, but I'm ready for the whole world to know how much I love you. That you're mine, I want to show you off and talk about you without secrets. I'm ready if you are"

" I'm ready too" Joseph's eyes beam with happiness as he tackles you on the bed peppering your face with kisses.

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Flashes of the camera, shocked looks on faces and the yelling was all you heard and saw as you showed up with Joseph in Paris for the Dior show. Your eyes squinted at the lights as you shield yourself from the cameras.

" Love, are you alright?" Joseph asks as he looks down at you, stopping for a moment. He let his assistant know that he needed a moment. You moved your head away from his shoulder to look at his concern eyes.

" I'm okay" you nodded, taking a deep breathe" He laces his fingers through yours as he waits for you until your ready. He can see how you needed a moment to yourself.

A hand places on your back. You turn your head to see the face of your co star and close friend Fabian.

" What are you doing here Fabian?" He stands by your side offering you a small smile.

" I'm here for support, Joseph told me that you were going to be here with him. The both of you were coming out the world"

You turn to look at your boyfriend as he is talking with his assistant, he is leaning down as she whispers something in his ear but his eye lock with yours. They are filled with love and reassurance that it will be okay.

" I love you" you mouth to him. He smiles as he reads your lips.

" I love you more" he mouths to you.

" I'm ready" Joseph laces his fingers with yours and Fabian is behind you as the both of them walk with you. You can hear the screaming, the gasps and the photographers shouting for you to pose with Joseph.

One of your favorites that you did with Joseph was his arm wrapped around you as he looks down at you while you look up at him. His brown eyes are shining with happiness.

You took one with Fabian, but once you were done, Joseph went back to your side as he leans down whispering into your ears.

" Fabian is going to come with us, there are going to be many people love. Hold onto my hand, Fabian will be behind you if anything, everything will be okay" he kisses your cheek as he walks with you, sending Fabian and nod too, as a thank you.

You saw some fans trying to reach Joseph for a photo but they saw you too.

" Y/N! Joseph!"

" Oh my god they are together! I'm so happy!"

" Joseph! Y/N! A picture" Joseph and you both leaned over to take a quick one while you were walking. Fabian's hand falls on your back as he says, " come on, there are more coming."

He looks back to look at the fans rushing to you and Joseph.

Joseph looks back at you to see if you were there following, you were and he sends you a smile as you two continue to walk. Once the both of you found your seats, Fabian is on your other side as he said he would be there making sure your okay.

" Thank you so much for this, for being here and for being here to support us" you tell him. Fabian nods, " I just want to make sure you are okay. I'm here for you"

You turn back to Joseph as he looks around and you reach for your hand to lace your fingers through his.

" Tomorrow, the world will know I'm yours" Josephs look down at you as he leans over to kiss your cheek. His facial hair tickling your cheek causing you to giggle.

" And I'm yours. Whatever the world throws at us, we will do it together"

" Together" you nodded.

[myfanstories]

Adore you

~ Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

A/N: I havent written in about 3 years so I’m a little scared to come back aaa!!! But if I feel comfortable enough I might open my requests again :))

Warnings: smoking, talk about alcohol (if anything is missing please remind me!!)

Requested: no, but its based on a request I saw somewhere

Summary: Joe’s roommate tries to stay out of the media for as long as possible, but what happens when Noah Schnapp accidentally lets her name slip?

It all started with that stupid interview, god that stupid interview….

“Who’s the meanest on set?”

Joe, Natalia, Maya and Joseph all looked at each other, all supporting a thinking face “None of us… or like, never intentionally I guess?” Maya answered, Natalia nodding in agreement “I know who’s the meanest” Joe laughed “She’s not a cast member but” with that he quickly shot a look at the boy sitting next to him “your roommate” Joe laughed while Joseph looked at him in surprise “You think she’s mean?!” “I think she’s an angel and I adore her…. except for when she wakes up from a nap” Joseph winced slightly, tongue sticking out with an amused look on his face thinking back to all the times you yelled at him when he accidentally woke you up from a nap. You even called poor Charlie Heaton ‘Satan’s whore’ once, apologizing over and over again when you were back to your normal, calm self again. He slightly leaned forward in his seat, facing the camera with a guilty look on his face “Sorry roomie, but I have to agree”

Thats what triggered it all. The mystery of the roommate.

Joseph was an aspiring actor who had already made a decent name for himself in his home country but he wanted more, so the next big step… the States. But he quickly figured out that it was quite expensive living there when you’re just starting to make it. So when he came across the little advert paper that was hung up in his favorite coffeeshop that you were looking for a roommate he quickly contacted you and almost 3 years later, you guys were still going strong. You knew he wanted to make it big and supported him every step of the way… but nothing could have prepared the both of you for the fame that would bring your roommate when he got a huge part in the fourth season of Stranger Things.

You stayed in the appartment while Joseph flew to Atlanta to shoot the show, but that didnt stop you from flying out there from time to time just to visit him.

And when you where there he always tried so hard to make you feel welcome and so naturaly, tons of new friendships were formed.

And when the new season finally aired and you started to notice how much the fans took a huge liking not only to the new character Eddie but also to Joseph, the both of you agreed to keep your name and the current living situation out of the public eye. So when Joe mentioned his roommate….you… the fans went crazy trying to figure out who you were

And then came the accidental name and face reveal by Mr Noah Schnapp

* reader’s POV from now on •

Laughter echoed through the room, alcohol and food on the table, music playing in the background and stupid Noah… livestreaming on his goddamn instagram

I took a sip from my red wine, listening to a story Sadie was telling, a smile on my face as I looked around the room. This cast was something else… Joseph used to tell me stories of some of his set experiences where the vibes where just off, where nobody really spoke to anybody, where work was work and nothing else. But this, these were friends for life. I felt a light squeeze on my shoulder and looked up to see Joseph smiling at me “You alright?” He asked and I nodded, returning him a smile. His hand stayed on my shoulder and I put my hand over his, giving it a light squeeze in return “Joseph, Y/N say hi” a camera was suddenly pointed directly to my face, I smiled nicely and waved, thinking nothing of it. Noah always had his phone out, making ridiculous video’s so I thought he was just making another one. But then my heart dropped when I heard him say to his phone “Oh yeah thats Joseph’s roommate” my smile faded as I shot a look at Joseph who’s smile had also dropped “Noah whatcha doing?” He asked “A livestream” he fired back, but realisation quickly hit him as he realised what he just had done “Ooooh nooo….” He dragged his words, panic on its face as he looked at me and Joseph “Its fine, its fine dont worry” I smiled and before I knew it he had moved on to Maya and Millie who where chatting on one of the sofa’s.

The internet loved this. Finally they had a name AND a face. Luckily for me my socials were all private and Joseph was also a very private person so they had a very hard time tracing me

But then the first fan encounters came.

“But do we really need this?” “I need this” “But do we really need it?” Joseph sighed, putting the box of cookies down with a frown “I dont get why you’re upset, arent the 3 other different kinds of biscuits you put in the cart not enough for you?” I argued, an amused smile creeping on my face “But I havent tried those before” he whined and I rolled my eyes at him “A literal child… lets go” he stumbled behind me, dragging his feet clearly upset that he had to put the biscuits back. I stopped in my tracks, dropped my head and turned to him “Okay go get them, I’m gonna check out already” he clapped his hands and turned on his heels back to the aisle to get his goddamn biscuits.

I waited in line until it was my turn to check out but Joseph was nowhere to be seen. The cashier ringed up the last item and I desperately looked around for him… I quickly paid for the groceries and made my way outside to the car. When I went to put my cart away there was still no sign of him and I was ready to go back inside and have his name called through the speakers like I was his goddamn mother when he came walking out the store “Sorry sorry sorry i’m here” I threw up my hands in a questioning matter but he just grabbed my arm and lightly dragged me to the car “what hap-“ “Hi? I’m so sorry to bother you but are u Joseph Quinn??” An excited voice sounded from behind us and he turned around, putting a smile on his face “uh, yes” “Do u mind if we take a quick picture with you?” The girl almost squeeled, looking at him and her friend “uh sure” he let go of my arm and stood in the middle of them, the girl raised her arm to take a picture but clearly the sun was bothering her so I stepped forward “Do I need to take it for you?” I asked and the girl looked at me in surprise “Would you mind?” “No, not at all” I smiled and she gladly handed me the camera. I took a decent amount of pictures from quite a few angles and gave the phone back with a smile “Here you go” “Are you the roommate?” The other girl asked and I looked at Joseph, raising a hand to shield my face from the sun “Uh yeah” I laughed awkwardly, luckily Joseph could feel I wasnt comfortable with this encounter so he spoke up “Yes and our ice cream is probably melting so we should get going! Girls it was lovely to meet you” he hugged them as I climbed into the passengers seat.

I gave them a small wave and a smile as we drove past them and then let out a deep breath “You okay?” Joseph asked after a moment of silence and I just nodded “You sure?” He questioned and I looked at him “Yes Joe, its fine.. I promise”

But it wasnt fine. Not after stupid me went on tiktok that night and most definitely not after I read about 100 comments about myself.

Most of them were nice, saying how lovely I was for offering to take those pictures for those girls but I also quickly discovered how cruel people could actually be.

She looks kinda weird…

I hope they’re not dating on the downlow cuz he for sure can get way better than that

I’m glad to see she’s not a threat to any of us lmao

I was knee deep in the comments of another edit on tiktok when a knock on my door startled me. Putting my phone down I walked up to my bedroom door and opened it, being greeted by a smily Joseph holding out something to me. I looked down to see him holding two cigarettes and I sighed, gladly accepting one. “Thank you” I breathed as he walked into my room. I opened the big window behind my bedframe and sat on the ledge as Joseph sat beside me. Lighting up the cigarette, I inhaled deeply and handed the lighter to Joe who did the same. We sat in silence for a minute before he spoke up “are you okay?” I nodded, frowning “Yeah, yeah why wouldnt I be?” “I dont know, you’ve been awfully quiet since dinner” I blew out a cloud of smoke outside and shrugged “Just tired” I said and he nodded, accepting my answer. “I have to meet my manager tomorrow at 2 but I think i’ll be able to get out of there at 5. Is it okay if we leave around 7?” I gave him a questioning look, not really understanding what he was talking about before I realised “Oh! Oh yeah perfect” we were going to the Harry Styles concert tomorrow. I had been looking forward to it for the past month but with all thats been happening the past couple of days I kinda forgot about it “Great, I think Joe, Maika and Maya will meet us there. Sadie texted me asking if we could pick her up on the way there” “Sound great” I replied quietly and soon we where back to a comfortable silence.

I threw the now finished cigarette out of the window and not long after Joe did the same, he cleared his throat and stood up from the window ledge. He looked at me for a second before reaching out, placing his hand on my cheek “You know you can talk to me right, if something is bothering you” I gently placed my hand on top of his and nodded “I know” we locked eyes for a moment and he smiled, leaning it to give me a kiss on the other cheek before walking out of my room “Goodnight Y/N” he closed the door behind him and I crawled back into bed after closing my window.

I stared at myself in the mirror, adjusting my skirt one last time before sighing “well good enough” I mumbled and grabbed the lipgloss from my desk “Holy Kapow! Damn you look great” I rolled my eyes and laughed as my roommate whistled at me. I turned around and smiled “You dont look too bad yourself Mr Quinn” he did a spin and ended his pose with his hands on his hips, his tongue out of his mouth and a shit eating grin on his face “But! We’re both missing something” He held up his finger and walked to the living room, I followed him and let out a laugh as he held something fluffy in his hands “A boa? Really?” “Hell yeah, I got one for everyone! And in different colors, you get the honor of choosing first darling” Darling.. I quickly shrugged of the shivers down my spine and walked towards him, picking up the light blue one and put it on me “Now thats a sight for sore eyes” I hit his chest playfully and smiled “Come on, Sadie’s waiting on us”

As we met everyone there and got settled - and after the two Joe’s had a discussion about who got the pink Boa - I looked at Joseph who was already smiling at me “What?” I asked and he shrugged “You look cute” a slight blush crept on my cheeks and I quickly started a conversation with Maika.

When Joe first introduced me as his roommate to the rest of the cast they couldnt believe nothing ever happened between us. And I mean sure, the first few months we lived together there was an undeniable amount of sexual tension between us but neither of us acted upon it. It also didnt help when I got a boyfriend and when that said boyfriend cheated on me, all the sexual tension kinda just disappeared over time as he realised I just needed my friend at that time. But sometimes, in moments like these when he says something like that or just even sometimes when he just looks at me.. those feelings come crawling back for just a moment.

The concert was halfway through and we were having the time of our lives, dancing like no one was watching and singing at the top of our lungs. Having famous friends came with a lot of benefits, including getting to have backstage access which meant we were standing behind the barriers with an amazing view but that also meant… standing very close to the fans in the pit.

Sadie was the first person to notice that a couple of them recognised them and told the rest and not long after those fans started to creep a bit closer to us. Luckily for us, they were super nice and Keery suddenly turned to us “Should we go dance with them?” He shouted over the music and Maya shrugged and nodded. Joseph looked at me and I smiled “Go! Go! I’ll wait here” I urged at him as the rest started to leave the safe space of the barrier, but Joseph just took my hand and dragged me along with him in the crowd. The looks on those poor girls faces when they realised who they were dancing with was priceless. As ‘Treat people with kindness’ played we all jumped and danced together like maniacs. Maya was holding hands with one of the fans swaying to the music while Sadie was dancing with another girl. Joseph and Joe were forming a small circle with two other people and dancing around. They motioned for Maika and I to join them and soon we were one big circle, all holding hands, dancing, smiling, laughing. The song came to an end and just as we were catching our breath the next one started playing. The soft beat of Adore you filled my ears and I smiled looking at Joseph who was already making his way towards me, swaying his hips to the beat

“You dont have to say you love me

You dont have to say nothing

You dont have to say you’re mine” he sang loudly, his hands suddenly on my waist as he swayed my body to the music. With a smile from ear to ear I placed my hands on his shoulders. He closed his eyes, throwing his head back, shouting the words in to the air with his hands still on my waist. I giggled and grabbed his face forcing him to look at me as I sang him the words

“You dont have to say you love me

I just wanna tell you something

Lately you’ve been on my mind.. honey”

His hands made their way to the ends of my boa and pulled me closer by it, our faces only inches apart from each other as he cupped my cheeks, the last chorus of the song blasting through the speakers

“I’d walk through fire for you, just let me adore you

Oh honey

Just let me adore you

Like its the only thing i’ll ever do”

We kept eyecontact as he sang the words to me. I was too stunned to speak, my heart racing so hard I thought it might burst out of my chest. We kept eyecontact for another second as the song ended, me being the first one to break it and step away. I soon realised again where we were and felt a panic starting to rise.. this intimate moment we just had wasnt gonna stay so intimate..

And I was right.

My face was everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Tiktok, twitter, instagram, you name it and people where talking about me.

Is roommate the new codeword for secret girlfriend? Joe Quinn spotted getting intimate with infamous roommate

I rolled my eyes at yet another headline I read about us and kept scrolling. As I closed the daily mail article and moved over to tiktok I was already regretting my decision to look at it.

I get it, people are jealous and curious but those comments… those were something else. A single tear slipped down on my cheek, I put my hand of my mouth as I surpressed a sob, fully aware Joe was in the room next to mine. I kept scrolling and scrolling and scrolling through comments, each harsher then the previous one. There were some lovely comments in there as well, but soon I was blind to them, only focussing on the hatefull ones.

Joseph was in his room, answering some work related emails when he suddenly heard his phone buzz next to his laptop. Picking it up, he looked at the phone screen and frowned when he saw the name on his screen. “Hello?” “Joe what the hell??” the voice of your best friend echoing through the phone “Whats wrong?” Joe questioned, a little panic in his voice “Have you seen Y/N today?” she asked and he frowned “I’m pretty sure she’s in her room, do you need her? Why are you calling? You never call me” he asked “But have you seen her?” She questioned again and he thought for a second “I mean no, I knocked on her door an hour ago or so and when she didnt answer I figured she was taking a nap and I did not want to wake up the beast” he laughed but the smile quickly disappeared when he heard your best friends panicked tone “Well I think you should try again” “But whats wrong?” “Joe… your fans..” she trailed of and he heard a sigh “I’m gonna send you some stuff okay, she’s not answering me and I’m getting really worried. People are mean Joseph, fix this.. please. Call me back later okay?” but before he could reply the line was cut and a few seconds later his phone buzzed again. He opened the pictures your best friend had send them, his eyes quickly scanning over the comments and he let out a loud gasp, quickly getting up from his chair and marching to your room

A heavy knock on my door pulled me out of the trance that was my phone “Y/N?” I closed my eyes, tears rolling down my cheeks as I stayed silent, hoping Joseph would just go away “Y/N I’m sorry but i’m coming in” and before I could respond the door opened. I didnt look at him as he entered my room, adverting my gaze to the wall as he sat down next to me. He gently placed his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. I covered my face as I slightly leaned into him “I’m so, so sorry” he whispered and in that moment I just broke down. I sobbed into my hands as his grip got tighter and he softly sushed me. He stayed silent as I cried in his arms for a good minute and heavy tears turned into soft sniffs. When I finally got the courage to look at him, its then when I noticed his own tears on his cheeks “Oh no, dont cry I’m sorry” I wiped down my hands on my blankets before my hands made their way to Joseph’s face “I’m so sorry” he spoke softly as I wiped his tears from his face “Joseph this isnt your fault” “I never meant for this to happen, I promise I will fix this. And I want you to know” he grabbed my hands, squeezing them “I really want you to know, that none of that bullshit is true. You have no idea how beautiful you are, how loving and caring you are.. and those people have no idea what you mean to me” I nodded as a few more tears rolled down my cheek, I was quick to wipe them away and let out a deep breath “I never thought it would be like this, that people would hate me for just living with you” he scoffed “Well let them hate I dont care. They dont know me, they think they know me but they dont. They dont know what we’ve been through together and they most certainly dont know how much I love you” I smiled as we locked eyes, his fingers softly grazing my cheek “Like, I really really love you Y/N” I leaned into his touch, a small blush forming onto my cheeks “I love you too Joe” we stayed in a comfortable silence for a second before I spoke up “Will you stay with me tonight?” He looked surprised and I shrugged “I dont have any self control and I will fall back into that rabbit hole and honestly, I really dont wanna be alone right now” without replying he climbed to the left side of the bed, he softly patted the empty spot next to him and I let out a small giggle. I climbed next to him, making myself comfortable under the blankets as we laid next to each other, face to face. I closed my eyes as I felt gentle fingers running through my hair. I hummed in satisfaction before I heard him speak my name, his voice low. I opened my eyes again, meeting his brown ones “I’m going to kiss you, but if you dont want that just pull away” he whispered, his lips gently meeting mine in the middle. When we finally parted I just gave him a soft smile as I moved closer to him burying my face into his neck, his arms around me and with a big, satisfied smile on my face I finally let sleep consume me.

Joseph’s ears were blessed with the soft but deep breaths of his roommate on his neck. She was fast asleep but he just couldnt shake off the thought that he wanted to do or say something to make things right. He gently took his phone from behind her head, carefull not to wake her up and unlocked it, opening his instagram account. Opening his camera roll he smiled as he selected a few of his favorite pictures with his favorite girl, also adding a video he knew she would beat him up for but he didnt care.

The first picture was a mirror picture of the two of them together on set, him with a big smile on his face and his roommate pouting her lips as she rocked Eddie’s wig.

The second picture was one Jamie took of them on a night out, half smoked cigarette in her mouth and him resting his chin on her head from behind her, hands firmly locked around her waist and her hands on top if his.

The third picture was a picture of her sleeping in one of the tents on set, she looked so peaceful and her hands were crossed as if she was dead. Sadie, Gaten, Keery and Natalia standing over her pretending to cry and mourn for her as if it was her funeral. He quietly chuckled at that memory.

The fourth slide was a video of her, Joseph’s laughter echoing in the background of the video as Y/N cried her eyes out at the sight of Joseph as Eddie on the screen “Why are you crying love?” “Because i’m just so proud of you” she said in between sobs “And stop filming me dickhead” the video cutting of as she slapped the camera.

Then came the last picture. His favorite picture of her ever. Sitting on a hill, surrounded by tiny flowers, eyes closed and a smile of her face while the sun radiated of her skin. He remembered taking that picture of her in the early days they lived together and being mesmerised by her beauty.

He carefully chose his next words, typing it out and rereading it one last time before pressing send. He gently felt her move and quickly threw his phone back to the side. Satisfied, he closed his eyes before giving the girl in his arms one last kiss on the side of her head. He loved her, that he knew and he hoped the world would see that now too.

This girl has been my rock for the past three years. She has seen me at my worst, at my best and everything in between. She is the reason I made it as far as I have, being my number one supporter. She deserves all the love in world and that is what I ask from you guys, to give her love and nothing but love. Thank you Y/N for being my best friend and my favorite person ever. I love you x JQ

[wonderlandleighleigh]

okay hear me out: what if gordon had midge guest host for lenny’s interview but plot twist: they havent spoken since carnegie hall

"My next guest is hot off of a run at Carnegie Hall. He's a very funny man with a lot to say, please welcome Lenny Bruce!"

He steps out, and Midge keeps her smile in place, but her head is screaming because she didn't think it was possible for him to look thinner but here he is, four months after Carnegie Hall. She hadn't had a chance to catch him backstage, an if she had, she's not sure she would have been able to stop herself from sitting on him and force feeding him soup.

The applause is big, though as he settles onto the couch next to the desk.

"Look at you," he grins at her, clearly exhausted. "Behind that desk, it looks good on you, Midge."

"Why thank you," Midge grins at him. "Sometimes Gordon gets tired of all the fame and glory so I get to take over."

"Well, he's got good taste in stand-ins," Lenny tells her. "Doesn't he, everyone?"

The audience cheers, and she waves them off.

"We're here to talk about you," Midge reminds him. "You've got a night at the Apollo this coming Saturday."

"Yes, that's very true," Lenny nods. "I figure if people are willing to come and see me in the middle of a terrible blizzard, Harlem isn't such a big ask."

The audience laughs at that, and Midge smiles at him.

"I hear there's another album coming out soon, too," she says. "Are you excited?"

"I am very excited," he tells her, snapping a finger. "It releases in July., and it's all new material."

"Oh, just in time for my birthday," Midge smirks.

"Then I know what to get you already, that's perfect," Lenny teases. "Sign it, wrap it in a bow, send it special delivery to the Upper West Side."

it gets another laugh. He may look tired and thin, but he's with it. He's sharp and on.

"Your set at Carnegie was truly great," Midge tells him. "I was there that night, folks. This man killed. I mean- not literally. He has enough issues with law enforcement. He doesn't need to add to it."

Lenny laughs with the audience. "Yes, well, I was very surprised to be playing to a packed house in the middle of the worst storm in twenty years."

"I bet the Apollo will be just as great," Midge assures him, before turning to the cameras as the assistant director signals for her to wrap it up. "You can see Lenny this Saturday at the Apollo theater, and he is not to be missed. The new album hits shelves in July. As much as I could sit with you here for the next hour, that's a wrap on for tonight. I want to thank Don Rickles for calling me too skinny - such a compliment - as well as Sam Cooke for the incredible music, and Lenny Bruce!"

The audience applauds him and he nods gratefully.

"I'm Mrs. Maisel, you've been wonderful, that's our show, I'm going to go buy this man a sandwich. Thank you and goodnight!"

Once they're wrapped and the microphones are off, Lenny lifts an eyebrow at her.

"You're going to buy me a sandwich?"

Midge lifts an eyebrow back at him, letting her eyes trail over him.

He deflates a little. "Yeah. I know. It's...I know."

"Are you okay?" Midge asks gently as they start to move backstage.

The trepidation on his face makes her take his hand and lead him into her dressing room, closing the door.

"I got-" he stops and looks down, unable to meet her eyes. "I got busted on a narcotics charge," Lenny admits. "And I got thrown into a state-run treatment place. It was unhelpful. In multiple ways."

Midge nods, gazing at him. "So. All is not well."

He finally meets her eyes guiltily.

She takes a breath and squares her shoulders. "There's leftover brisket at my house."

He opens his mouth to respond, and she lifts her hands.

"I'm not trying to fix you," she insists. "Whatever else I feel about you, you're my friend, and I just want to help you."

Lenny swallows and stays silent for a long moment, and Midge gazes at him openly.

Eventually he relents, nodding.

"A little...a little leftover brisket never hurt anybody," he mutters. "Maybe on some bread. With a little horseradish."

She smiles slowly. "You blow any chance of kissing me by eating horseradish."

"...Maybe I'll skip the horseradish tonight," he concedes.

"Get your coat. Papa will be thrilled."

[witchthewriter]

I had this exact conversation with myself about spike a while back actually. Because Spike was always in my like, top 3 buffy characters and I've watched buffy since I was maybe 13.

Seeing Red is one of those episodes where really, theres not a right or wrong response. If you despise spike, you are entirely correct and valid, no one can disagree really.

Me, I've always leant more towards the side of not forgiving, what he did was heinous, but more just trying to realise. 📢AND A BIG WARNING I DO NOT CONDONE WHAT SPIKE DID IN ANY WAY ITS DISGUSTING AND REPREHENSIBLE AND I AM NOT FOR ONE SECOND PRETENDING TO JUSTIFY IT!📢

Firstly, I will never stop forgetting that joss only put that scene in because he was sick of the popularity spike was getting, and james marsters (and I'm pretty sure sarah michelle Gellar) now has it written into contracts that they will never do another scene like that again, coz it apparently traumatised James and sarah. So a big nice fuck you to joss Whedon 🖕🏻

Secondly, I have always thought of the acts of seeing red as a little out of character for spike, but not entirely out of explanation, let me explain. At this point in the series, Spike has no soul, he is convinced he loves Buffy and the two of them have been in a pretty toxic, run by sex relationship for a while. In my mind, I always used Seeing Red as a catalyst for his soul restoration because he realised probably one of two, if not both things.

1. Without a soul, he is hurting those around him. Look how how shocked he is when buffy kicks him off. He realises that she is hurt, distraught, understandably so, and he realises how evil what hes just done it. A regular old soulless vampire wouldnt have burst out the door and ran off when she started crying, but that I cant fully explain.

2. He could never have buffy 'love' him while hes like this. He is convinced that he adores and loves buffy, whether its true love or vampire selfish love, I think we can all tell (selfish, obviously), and her telling him she would never love someone like him gave him a kick up the ass so to speak.

And obviously then comes into play whether a vampires soulless and souled actions are the actions of one being or two seperate beings (like Angelus and Angel for example, did Angelus kill miss calendar and angel had nothing to do with it or did Angel kill her, do you get me?) Spike, pre-soul was a harmless poet, and honestly I cant speak on post-soul spike because I havent seen buffy season 7 in a long time, but if I remember, hes remorseful. If you see Spike (the soulless vampire) and Spike (the souled vampire) as two beings or one whole, that will also heavily explain your feelings.

But once again, I am not condoning or trying to justify what spike did, its heinous and vile and cruel and disgusting. I'm merely posing a theory for a situation that really should never have even been a thing, but loathing spike as a character after this is something entirely valid and understandable. For this one niche situation it really comes down to your own idea.

Oh my god, I totally agree with everything you're saying. I looked up the episode, saw the interviews and read so many articles.

Joss really did hate that Spike was so popular, and I think I saw in an interview with James, that Joss wanted the audience to stop loving him so much. To make them see that he isn't/wouldn't be a good boyfriend.

I don't know understand why you would want to do that to a character that makes the show so popular?

It's very ... weird? Interesting? Wild? That in season 6 what happens to the characters is based on what the writers themselves have experienced. They said they wanted to show the worst of the characters and Joss had the writers say the worst thing they've done/had done to them and honestly ... why would he ask that of them ??

So I'm anti-joss whedon!!! (Also I love having conversations so if anyone ever wants to chat, I'm ready and waiting 👍

[iloveyoudie]

obv the die-hards have read every scrap of interview and things when it comes to ofmd but i have been sort of rationing myself so i don’t over saturate. i have had the thought, since i’ve watched thseries a few times, that it does exactly the sort of storytelling i like to see in fic - and that i write in fic. and i don’t like to call it ‘fanfic writing’ cause it’s a whole ass show - but it ESSENTIALLY is. the same things that david jenkins is being lauded for are things that some i have seen people give fellow fans a lot of shit for. 

not being time period accurate based on convenience not focusing on grave topics in ways that overwhelm the fiction writing stories that gloss over/ignore/acknowledge-but-dismiss-and-shame homophobia writing gay stories that aren’t coming out stories making things like DISTANCE and TIME completely illogical

i find it a MASSIVE relief to find a fun period gay story that tells it the way I like to see. 

[JENKINS] I guess I really... I get kind of bored. How much pirate can you do? They're going to rob stuff. They're going to steal ships. There's only so many pirate stories you can do.

Which is why i don’t write many casefics for my fic. And why I don’t write what yall call whump. why i dont deeply agonize over the alcoholism and why i treat the personality traits in ways that really just relate to how they interact with one another. the shows are FULL of all of that. full of mysteries (better written than I could write them). they are full of sad character drinking alone moments. how many times does it need to be reiterated? everyone wants something different from their fic and what I want is the missing pieces and the personal interactions we don’t see and copying and pasting the characters into new environments we havent seen before to see how that adjusts their perspective. 

basically im super grateful to see the kind of writing that i like in a show. im super grateful to see the same sort of mental track that i have in a showrunner and how public he is about it. im grateful for him to call his show a rom-com soap opera.. cause thats what i am into and what i like and try to strive for myself. 

it makes my own writing feel less far fetched and less marginalized (and regardless what you know of me, the times that people have been nasty about what i write and have written and how i behave about my own projects IS pretty hurtful and lingering and shitty and no matter how bombastic and ‘over it’ i am - there’s always some shameful whisper in my head). so im just super grateful to feel represented as a WRITER somewhere in the public eye. its pretty wonderful.

[iscribble]

pairing | youtuber!renjun x student!reader genre(s) | fluff, slice of life, strangers to potential lovers, college au word count | 1.8k summary | you’re always the type to be punctual, so it takes you by surprise that you’re willing to give up your time for something else - someone else, rather; a stranger.  author’s note | havent written in so long that i just had to put something out there. im really sorry for being so inactive! :( 

An extended but lonely crack slithers down the bathroom mirror, grazing your reflection on the glass that is opaque with moisture. Through the corner of your eye you perceive one-fourth of the aged, spreading tree outside your apartment whenever the old creaking door swings open with the wind. The quiet—but prominent—plop of the water that leaks through the apertures on the pipe hits your ears, and it is only after a while that you find it fills the little space between your toe and the tip of your shoe. The leak doesn’t bother you though. Neither does the crack, nor the random wind gusts. A yellow lip balm bounces in your palm, cap greasy from applying too much on your finger. You would exchange a mere lip balm for a heat pack, but you put it on anyway. The harsh cracks on your lips are now tucked away underneath a tacky layer of cream, and you find it amusing how easily it wears away. 

You are late, for the first time in months. Nothing really bothers you as much as glancing at the clock and seeing its hands where you least expect them to be.

In your defense, it was an afternoon class. You don’t usually have afternoon classes unless your professor needs to reschedule, which, inevitably, resets your agenda for the rest of the day. You, on the other hand, are not used to rescheduling. So when you can’t feel the warm shaft of sunlight skim across your eyelids, instead, only the feeling of cold air brushing past your skin and the faint sound of your alarm, you jolt awake, guilty of sleeping in. You try not blame yourself though—this doesn’t happen everyday and you are still not used to it. 

The station is disposed with a boring facade and a duller interior. The giant vintage clock shows 15:18. The three seater bench still holds too many people.  There is that man with the navy-coloured down jacket behind the counter, uninterested in the regulars who flock to their respective platforms. These are the same sequences, the same faces, like people are helpless boats going with the current. You scrunch up your nose, admitting you are one of them too. 

You make your way inside the train, opting to sit near no one else. It takes a while for you to settle down, but when you do, you catch someone looking at you. Harbor gray coat, brown hair, black mask. You don’t recognise him anywhere on campus. You think maybe he attends one of the afternoon classes, but you don’t assume further. 

15:29.

You leave the train with a spring in your step, but not out of enthusiasm. The familiar crisp white frontage of the building comes into view, your heart skipping a beat as you think of the worst that could happen upon stepping inside the lecture hall. One strap of your tote slides down your shoulder, and just as you are about to pick it up, the other strap goes loose and drags your bag down with it. A couple of coloured pens roll out, you grumble to yourself and crouch down to stop them from rolling any farther. You fail at this, when you turn around to pick up a blue pen and realise that someone else beat you to it. The stranger from the train. 

“Got it,” he chuckles, and you feel embarrassed. He returns your pen, but his eyes don’t stop at your hands. His gaze lowers a short distance, you’re almost sure he’s looking at the brick road beneath you, but you’re not really sure why. When you stand back up he vaguely shakes his head, like he’s been thinking about something else, but you don’t miss it.  

“Thank you,” you say, too fast that it almost sounds insolent. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he returns with a smile behind his mask. “I’m Renjun, by the way.” He extends his hand for you to shake. What’s he doing? Why's he acting like he’s about to proceed with an interview or something?

You learn that he really does want to “interview” you. “I’m a youtuber,” he informs. It is only then that you realise someone else is standing behind him, occupied with a camera. 

“Oh,” you eventually reply, but nothing else. He waits for the typical “that’s cool!” but you are too quiet, Renjun can practically hear someone making a fuss about her peppermint hot chocolate being too hot in the distance. “Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? It’s for a youtube video.” He speaks up. You say nothing at first. Your fingers that hide underneath the rib-knit cuff curl into a ball. You feel the crack that litters your lower lip flaunt itself, the thick lip balm that conceals it long gone. You seem even more conscious of your worn out shoes that somehow feel damper than they already are. Putting your weight on one leg, you try your best to decline him in the most mannerly way possible. 

“I’m really sorry but I’m actually late to class.”

You can’t see his smile but you know it falters. His glasses droop a little, you see the red marks on the bridge of his nose. “I see.” Is all he says. He looks back at his friend and shrugs. “Thank you, anyways.” Your stomach churns. You don’t want to be the reason he leaves empty handed, yet he is leaving, empty handed and all. Somehow, your concern for punctuality slowly withers away.

“No, wait,” you catch his fingers just before he turns the other way. He winces. Not because of the sudden swell of your voice, but because your hands are a little too cold. You steal a glance at the watch on your wrist. 15:32. Renjun finds your eyes. He doesn’t say it, that your hands are too cold, but he takes them in his own, warming them up. Strangely enough, your whole body heats up at the gesture. 

“Class can wait, whatever. What’d you want to ask me?”

Renjun’s eyes all but light up. He signals for his friend to start filming. “Alright, a few questions about college, I’m going to try and guess your major.”

“Oh, that’s new,” you raise an eyebrow. “Did you come up with the idea?”

“Nah,” Renjun laughs, he brings up a hand to push his hair back. “Just following a trend.”

15:33. You nod. “Alright, go on.”

You notice a few things about Renjun. The way he speaks, like you’ve known each other for a long time. The way his hair isn’t exactly brown, rather russet, a little red. When you look closer into his eyes, you see they match his hair. You wish you could see his lips, see if they’re as cracked as yours, if he puts lip balm on a little too much, but the black mask he wears that almost reaches his eyes tells you it’s too early for that. Perhaps, if he lowers the article just a few inches, you’ll understand that the circles beneath his eyes mean that he’s equally as tired as you. He asks you questions, not rushed, and though you are definitely late to class, you couldn’t bring yourself to care anymore.

“Might have an idea,” he looks to the camera tentatively, then back to you. “Chemistry?”

“You’re good,” your compliment reaches his ears. “How’d you guess?”

Renjun punches the air in glee as if he won the lottery. “Honestly, couldn’t get a single clue from what you said. But I saw your Analytical Chemistry book peeking out from your tote when it fell.” 

“Whoops, my bad.” You share a laugh. 

“And as a thank you for the—” he scrutinizes his watch, “—five minutes I just took from your time, this is for you.” A heat pack. You didn’t know how much you needed one until your hands reach for the item almost immediately.

15:38. You squeeze the pad as heat begins to radiate from it. Renjun’s friend lowers the camera as soon as you’re done filming, and it is then that Renjun seems like he has something else on his mind.

“Uhm,” he half-whispers. You look at him, confused. “Your shoes.”

You know what he means. Your shoes leave ambiguous trails of dirt, just slightly. Renjun notices it though. Your shoes are rather soggy, like they were deliberately dipped in water. Traces of soil scatter the outsole, centimetres up and you’ll see a small patch of fabric, sewn on to cover the hole that’s exposing your toes. You tremble slightly, bringing your right foot behind your left in an attempt to hide it from him. No one has ever pointed it out.

“Oh. They’re old, but, they work.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he scoffs lightly. “Let me buy you new ones.”

“No.” You realise that comes out too abruptly. “Please, that’s really unnecessary.”

15:39.

“You’re late to class,” he reasons with you. “At least let me make it up to you.” The obscure rift on your bottom lip bleeds a little. You like to bite it whenever you feel nervous. Renjun reaches for his phone in the pocket of his ivory trousers and hands it to you. 

“We can go over the details through text,” he subtly looks at his friend, wanting to know if the gesture is okay. “If you don’t mind, of course.”

15:40. You give in. Your fingers are stiff—you realise you’re giving your number to a stranger, so you take some time to secretly ponder over the situation, although you hate to admit Renjun feels more like a new friend. He sends you a message once you give him his phone back just to make sure you get his number. 

“Thank you,” you smile at him. “That’s really kind of you.”

15:41.

You hesitate before a hand comes up to wave at him and his friend, though the heat pack is still crushed between your fingers. Renjun pulls his mask down for the first time, and it would be weird to say you were waiting for it. For his smile. You can perceive through the white fabric whenever it shifts that he is smiling underneath there, but now it’s irrefutable, the evidence that he actually is smiling, and you’re glad that’s the last thing you see before the customary sight moulds into view, once again. 

If someone had told you this morning that you’d be willing to sacrifice your punctuality for a stranger, you’d knock some sense into them. But as you stand before the doors to the lecture hall, phone in your grip as you stare at the cerulean waters you fancy as your lock screen, no, rather, the notification that overlays it “let me know when you’re in class, i feel responsible lol”, the unusual feeling that blooms inside your chest reminds you that you could live a little less orderly and a little more self-willed.

15:43.

You’re thirteen minutes late. Though now, nothing really bothers you as much as not being able to concentrate in class because he’s all you can think about. 

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

hello hi! if ur ever looking for ideas/prompts for spidey stuff i have an idea i've wanted to see but havent really yet: i have a sensory processing disorder so i personally always really connect w spidey when fics talk about him kind of having sensory issues, but they almost always only talk about getting too much sensory input. which is super valid! but a lot of people also have issues w not enough sensory input (i have issues w both! its gotta be a balance). (pt. 1 bc i talk to much)

(pt. 2 bc i talk too much) not having enough sensory input still needs grounding techniques and stuff! i know for me i'll start kind of pulling my hair, scratching too violently, etc. and then my service pup will lick my face to replace harmful sensory cravings with safe ones! i just feel like this might be interesting to see w peter and the avengers trying to give him safer/better sensory input bc it might be cute. totally no pressure though! just thought i'd yell this idea into the void

Oh god never apologize for talking too much! I love this idea, thanks so much for the request. Funny story, as I was reading I was just like...wait not everyone does this??? So...thanks for helping me realize things!

Just Right

Read it on Ao3

Warnings: descriptions of a meltdown, sensory deprivation (kinda), some self-injury

Pairings: none. found family is my shit

Word count: 2667

If you could see Peter’s lab in Stark Tower or the Avengers Compound, you’d wonder if it’s some mad-scientist abomination or a storage room gone crazy.

There are screens upon screens upon screens, little things scattered across almost every available surface, and even ones that aren’t technically available. There are haphazardly balanced books and sheets of metal and overflowing trash cans and more random trinkets scattered around than you can think of. And yet, Peter knows precisely where everything is.

Organized chaos. Entropy. There’s some scientific explanation for it.

Peter works in a state of 'a lot.' There's a reason for that, and a reason it's a bad idea for him to not have that.

If you could see Peter’s lab in Stark Tower or the Avengers Compound, you’d wonder if it’s some mad-scientist abomination or a storage room gone crazy.

There are screens upon screens upon screens, little things scattered across almost every available surface, and even ones that aren’t technically available. There are haphazardly balanced books and sheets of metal and overflowing trash cans and more random trinkets scattered around than you can think of. And yet, Peter knows precisely where everything is.

Organized chaos. Entropy. There’s some scientific explanation for it.

Even Tony, the resident doer-of-so-many-things, is baffled when he walks in to see Peter looking at three separate screens, two sets of earbuds—one in each ear—texting as he calls out things for FRIDAY or KAREN or EDITH to help him with. Sometimes he’s talking to all three at once and texting.

“Kid,” Tony says, coming up behind him and resting a hand on his shoulder, “you know you gotta pay attention to the stuff you’re doing, right?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m doing things!”

Cue an impressive rant that even Tony struggles to keep up with in places, all the while Peter’s fingers fly over his keyboard and beat out rhythms on his crossed legs. He looks up at Tony with a bright smile and sometimes, sometimes Tony wonders what goes on in that head of his.

Because if he’s only seeing the little bits that manage to make their way out of the kid’s mouth…god.

Can you blame him for giving Peter a technological playground? Kid lights up better than an arc reactor.

Tony just shakes his head and says: “Kids these days.”

It’s not an uncommon sight to see Peter doing his work with screens scrolling and music blasting over his earbuds. It drives Steve nuts, his mother-hen instincts trying to make sure Peter’s paying enough attention that he won’t hurt himself.

“I know, I know, Pete,” he laughs when Peter glares at him, “I know you can do it, and I trust you, I’m just…”

Peter softens the smallest bit, dropping his project to scurry over and hug Steve. “I know. You worry.”

Steve smirks, running his hand through Peter’s hair. “Gotta make sure you’re in good enough shape for our walk this weekend.”

“Are we gonna do just the anti-homeless benches or are we doing the ramp bars too?”

“We’ll see how fast we can run, hmm?”

“May wants pictures too.”

“Ah yes, for the Baby’s First Act of Civil Disobedience book.”

“Steve!”

“Nope, that’s what she called it. She sent me a photo.”

Peter’s fine. And Steve told the truth, he does trust Peter. They all do. Kind of a side effect of the whole superhero gig, you learn to trust your people.

Doesn’t necessarily mean you understand them.

It’s been a long day. They’ve had to do some interview with this-or-that news station about their stances on some issue that is ‘complicated on both sides.’ Long enough that even Steve’s—frankly impressive—public service mask is slipping. Natasha gave up trying to masquerade as someone who cared ages ago, glaring daggers at anyone who so much as suggested something unreasonable. Tony shoos the last of the day’s worries out the door as Clint flops down on the sofa.

“Why,” he groans, “did we have to do that?”

“We’re role models,” Steve recites, even as the slump of his shoulders says ‘no’ in every possible way, “it’s our duty.”

“Yeah well, I never signed up to be a fucking role model.”

“Clearly.”

“If you dare tell me off for cursing I swear—“

Bucky just smacks Steve upside the head before he can say anything.

“Ow!”

“Don’t, Stevie,” Bucky warns, “just don’t.”

“Peter?”

Everyone turns around to look at Sam, crouched in front of Peter. He’s hunched over, almost curled up completely in his chair. His curls bounce back and forth, small muttering sounds coming from under them.

“Peter,” Sam calls again, “Peter, can you look at me?”

Peter’s head raises slowly and Sam’s glad for the training he’s had that keeps him from reacting visually. Peter’s face is a mess, thin red lines, and tense muscles everywhere.

“Hey, Pete,” he says softly, “you wanna tell me what’s going on?”

Peter shuffles. “Need something.”

“Okay. You hungry?”

“No. Need something.” He starts beating out a frantic rhythm on his legs, hard enough to make Sam wince. “Something, I gotta—“

“Where are your earbuds, Peter?”

“Counter.”

Tony tosses them their way without even hesitating. Sam hands them to Peter and almost immediately his hands fly to plug them in, jam the buds into his ears. The room waits, no one willing to move until Peter takes a deep breath and his shoulders slump. After a few seconds, he starts tapping his fingers again, this time much less frenzied. Judging by the pattern, it’s probably to the beat of the song.

“…sorry,” he mutters after a few moments, “sorry ‘bout that.”

“Don’t apologize,” Sam says, “you didn’t do anything wrong. You wanna talk about it?”

“Uh…not really, not right now.”

“Okay. Is that a ‘you don’t wanna talk about it at all’ or a ‘you wanna talk about it later?’ Either is fine,” Sam says quickly when Peter shifts nervously, “I just wanna understand a little bit more so we can help.”

“M-maybe later.”

“Sounds good.” Sam stands up. “You want us to leave you alone or are you fine if we hang out?”

“Stay,” Peter says, “please.”

“Sure thing, kid.” Sam makes his way over to the others, shaking his head when a couple of them shoot him curious looks. He glances back over at Peter to see him doing some motion that involves all four of his limbs. It’s…oddly mesmerizing, actually.

“I think he’s doing a music exercise,” Natasha murmurs, “eighth-notes, quarter-notes, half-notes, whole notes.”

Bruce stares at her. “He’s doing what?”

Natasha eases her way onto a stool, her left hand tapping along with Peter’s left. “This hand,” she says, still staring, “taps out every quarter note. One, two, three, four.”

“The right hand,” she says, tapping twice as fast with her right, “does the eighth notes. One-and-two-and-three-and-four-and.”

“Then the feet do…one…three…one…three.” She starts gently tapping her feet in time with Peter’s. “And one…one…one…one…”

Steve just shakes his head slowly. “That’s…complicated.”

“It’s a good way to immerse yourself in music,” Natasha murmurs, smiling slightly, “helped me too.”

“What’s it for?”

“I think our Baby Spider is trying to ground himself.” Natasha gives Peter a smile when he catches her doing the same motions. “And it’s fun.”

His other hand never missing a beat, Peter plucks out one of his earbuds and holds it out to Natasha. She smiles and joins him, sitting by his side and carefully inserting the bud.

“Ooh,” she says softly when she figures out what song it is, “nice choice.”

“Thanks.”

They sit like that as the others bustle around quietly, getting all the interview stuff tucked away and Steve starts the cooking for tonight. He shoos Tony out with a spatula as the genius pouts, quickly picking some innocuous bickering fight that makes Bruce roll his eyes and take the book Thor offers him. Bucky and Sam crash onto a nearby couch, Bucky half-heartedly trying to copy Peter and Natasha for a few moments before laughing and giving up. The dinner passes in relative quiet until Peter sighs and plucks out his earbuds, collapsing onto Natasha’s shoulder.

Natasha barely flinches, reaching up to ruffle Peter’s hair. “Hey there, Baby Spider. You okay?”

“Yeah,” Peter sighs, “sorry.”

“Told you,” Sam says easily, “you got nothing to apologize for.”

“No, I…I should’ve told you.”

“Peter,” Steve chides gently, “you’re allowed to not tell us things if you don’t want to.”

“But it’s also important that I tell you things,” Peter says stubbornly. “It’s not fair to you guys if I don’t tell you what bothers me and then you can’t do anything about it or it takes you by surprise.”

“That’s fair, Peter.” Natasha leans her head onto his. “Do you have something you want to tell us, then?”

“Yeah, I, uh…” Peter twists his fingers together, his teeth worrying his bottom lip. “Actually, uh, do you mind if I…have my earbuds in while I tell you? I’ll—I’ll play it on low volume, I’ll still be able to hear you, I just—“

“Shh,” Natasha hushes, “you don’t need to justify your needs. Go ahead.”

“…thanks.” A few seconds later and Peter visibly relaxes, running his hands through his hair as he sits up. “So, I, uh, I have a sensory processing disorder.”

Most of them nod. He’s not the only one. Bucky and Bruce in particular make some gesture of solidarity.

“But I, um…mine’s weird.”

“Weird how,” Sam asks.

“Uh, you know how most people get overwhelmed from too much sensory input?” When he gets an answering nod, Peter takes a deep breath. “I have, uh, I have the opposite.”

“…yours is triggered by having too little sensory input?”

“Yeah. That’s why I have…all the screens going all the time.”

Tony huffs. “Little bit of an understatement.”

“I-it’s easier for me to think!”

“It’s okay, Pete, I don’t mean anything by it,” Tony says instantly, raising his hands in surrender, “just wanna make sure this old man can still keep up with you, that’s all.”

“He admitted he’s old!” Clint throws his hands up in triumph. “All hail Peter Parker, the One Who Got Tony Stark To Admit He’s Old.”

“Alright, alright,” Thor says when it looks like Tony’s going to throw Steve’s salad across the table at Clint, “that’s enough. Peter,” he says, turning back, “how do we help?”

“H-help?”

“Surely it can’t come as a surprise that we wish to help you,” Thor chuckles, “now come on, out with it.”

“Uh…you did good today,” Peter mumbles, “getting me my earbuds and stuff.”

“Is that what we should do, then?”

“Yeah. Just, um, get me stuff that’ll occupy my sense. Optimal levels of arousal and all that.”

“Does that include physical contact,” Steve asks, “or no?”

“…sometimes? I gotta ask for that though.”

“Thank you for telling me.” Steve smiles and reaches out to squeeze Peter’s hand. “Thank you for telling us. I’m proud of you.”

“Ah, jeez,” Peter mumbles, his cheeks flushing, “do you have to say it like that?”

“Like what,” Steve asks like he obviously doesn’t know.

“Like—like that.”

“Steve, you’re such an asshole.”

“I agree with Bucky.”

“Both of you hush or there’ll be no dessert.”

The cry of protest that goes up around the table is enough to make Steve almost fall out of his chair from laughing too hard.

It’s pretty easy after that. They all keep an eye on Peter during functions where they’ve gotta sit still for long periods of time. Often they’ll hide Peter in the back and one of them will reach down, let Peter play with their hands, or sneak some new piece of tech in for him to tinker with. They always keep his earbuds close by and there’s never a problem if Peter needs his earbuds in while he’s at dinner with them or watching a movie.

Then May texts Tony one day when Peter’s scheduled to come over.

May: Peter’s earbuds broke.

Immediately, Tony sends it out to the others. They’re all on high alert, scouring the floors for where they may have been left, if they’ve got extras Peter can borrow, just for a little, come on Tony, you run a tech empire, what do you mean you don’t have headphones?

They’re all so busy looking that they completely miss Peter’s arrival.

Peter’s been floating ever since he got on the bus. Everything feels like it’s happening behind a whine of static. He’s floating in this weird bubble of a fish tank and he can tell there are things beating on the glass outside but he can’t do anything about them. He’s floating and he hates floating. He can’t feel anything. Can’t feel anything.

Something, something, he needs something.

Does he still have a body? Does it still feel? He doesn’t know as he stumbles down hallways and through doors. The walls don’t feel like anything. His hair catches on a catch and it feels. It sends a zing down his spine and he can feel. So he does it again. Feel. Feel. Feel. Feel.

His nail catches on his cheek as he raises his other hand to his hair and there’s a bright flash that shudders his body. It’s warm. He likes warm. He likes to feel. Feel. Feel. Feel. Feel.

He can’t feel his arms. So he moves to his arms. The flare spreads. Feel. Feel. Feel. Feel.

Where else can he feel?

He should be able to feel everywhere, shouldn’t he?

Feel.

Feel.

Feel.

Feel.

He can’t feel his hands but he can tell his hands are making him feel.

It’s stopped being a word now.

Something tangles in his hand, at least he thinks it does. Something tangles in his other hand. They squeeze. Oh. Oh, he can feel that. He can feel his hands. He can feel…he can feel a lot.

He hears the gentle whine of metal against metal, feels the hardness of a claw in each of his hands. He blinks and looks up.

DUM-E and U are holding his hands, squeezing them gently the way he does to them. When he murmurs their names, DUM-E lets his hand go, leaning down to start stroking his forehead with his claw. Peter watches, trace the parts of DUM-E’s machinery, mapping it out in his head, grounding himself in the expansions of wires.

It’s better now, it is. U still sits there, patiently squeezing his hand, even as DUM-E whistles and chirps. Peter starts mumbling back that he’s fine, thank you, he’s okay now, can DUM-E move a little to the left, please?

“Peter?”

“Uh, h-hi, Fri,” Peter mumbles, “I, uh, guess you should tell them I’m here.”

“They’re on their way, Peter.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course.”

Steve will stumble in first, Natasha hot on his heels. Steve won’t be able to hide his shock at seeing the red lines drawn harshly on Peter’s skin, even as he tries to smile and call out for him. Natasha will look him over and softly ask permission to patch him up a little.

Tony will praise the bots as Sam and Bucky rope Peter into some inane fight that pulls him out of his head. Bruce and Clint will offer him their earbuds as they’re the only two who’ve managed to find some. Thor will offer to carry Peter for a little while.

But for now, Peter will sit here, on the floor of the lab, while the bots kiss his face, and feel.

It’s just right.

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Forty-One, “Finally”

*Gifs are not mine*

Clickable Links:

- *NEW* Becky Magazine Cover from an O.C. Tag Challenge c:

- Masterlist feat. all chapters and Character Surveys

- Inspo tag

- Hecky Playlist

- Read on Wattpad

Warnings: None

Word Count: 10.3k words

Song:  You’re Still The One by Shania Twain, bc duh Just Like Heaven by The Cure (click to listen)

A/N: I am SO excited for you to read this chapter, you’ll soon find out why ;)

                                 SNEAKYYYYYY PEEEEEK

For the fiftieth time in the last two days, I couldn’t be more grateful for how easy things are coming together. I couldn’t be more thankful to have him by my side. It still feels like a dream getting to live this life now, and getting to work with him on the daily, singing Spice Girls amidst stolen cheek kisses.

One puzzle piece at a time, and there’s only one or two pieces left in this puzzle of ours.

"And then my soul saw you and it kind of went ‘Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you.’"

                             - Iain Thomas, ‘I Wrote This For You’

There was truly nothing that could rock the waves I was currently riding, and I couldn’t wait a second longer to do the very thing that would make them even bigger. They had only climbed since telling Asher earlier this evening, and the smile that shared on our faces. 

Skye was sprawled out on the sofa when I opened the door, finding it impossible to hide the grin on my face as I read a text from Harry that had dinged a moment before. 

i havent been this excited for somethin in a long time bug. absolutely cant wait to see u on friday, idk if i can wait that long ;) good luck on ur case with Myles 2moro, you’ll do great Becks xo

“Well, look who has a pep in her step, all of a sudden. I don’t think I’ve seen you smile in days, since Harry’s left. What’s the occasion, Ree?” she teases, surprising me with the simple act of muting an episode of The Great British Bake Off that our nights consist of as of late. 

“I may have had a good day,” I suggest with a shrug of my shoulders as I put my coat away in the closet. 

“Since bloody when? You were in a shitty mood the last time we spoke, having ‘Harry withdrawals,’ or something. I’d say the only reason you could be happy right now is if you’d seen him, which would be impossible seeing he’s in Glasgow for another few days,” she mutters. I observe the look on her face change and how her eyebrows dance along her forehead after I turn around to face her, letting the smile lose. “Wait, he’s still there, isn’t he?” she questions, reaching a hand out as if looking for an answer with her body, too. 

My head shakes from side to side slowly as my lips part to show my teeth, a rarity among my smiles, and the expression dawning on her face tells me she recognizes it too. “He came back today, his case finished early, Skye. And I asked him out on a date!” 

“You didn’t?! Ree, you better not be kidding with me, or I’m gonna be really pissed at you!” she chuckles, feigning intimidation in her voice. Hints of the emotions buzzing around inside of me play across her face, meanwhile, my happiness keeps growing notch after notch. 

I don’t know if I can wait that long either, Harry, cause I can’t remember the last time I was this excited. Thank you so much xxx

“I’m not kidding, Skye, and he said yes! He didn’t even let me finish asking and he said yes!” I exclaim after sending the text I had been typing, feeling her arms come around me in a shock when I look back up. 

“I’m so fucking happy for you, Ree, it’s about bloody time!” she remarks excitedly, almost crushing me in a hug. 

“Me too, I can’t remember the last time I was this happy,” I admit softly, relaxing in her arms, even though part of me wishes they were the arms of somebody else. Only an hour later, and I already miss him. Wow, I’ve got this bad. 

“Did you kiss him at least?!”

“No, I’m waiting for the date, I guess. I looked like proper crap today, I’ve been up so late the last few nights prepping for the case with Myles,” I laugh, pulling away from her smell of peaches and chocolate when my pocket dings. 

“First kisses aren’t something you plan, Ree, they just happen out of nowhere. The sooner, the better.” 

“I guess you’re right,” I confess with a smile stuck to my lips. “We’ll just see what happens.”

+

Happiness and its synonyms still fill me to the brim an hour later, and whilst my thumbs flit across the screen of my phone. Her words stare back at me, and unbeknownst to me how, I wish I could see her again already. My footsteps wander down the main hallway, and before I know what I’m doing, I arrive at her door. Low and behold, it’s closed and my heart sinks into my chest when I find darkness waiting behind it. 

miss u already bug xoxo

My words are whisked off to her, and soon my legs are entering the doorway of a certain somebody’s office, although not the one I was hoping for.

“It’s about time you made your rounds and came to say hi to me. Should I feel offended I’m the last one on your list?” Myles teases from behind his desk with a grin lining his lips. 

“Oh, shuddup. Did Becks leave already fer tha night?” I question, letting my shoulder fall to the door frame as I watch the small ‘delivered’ appear under my blue text. 

“Yeah, I ran into her about twenty minutes ago in the break room when she was clocking out. What, didn’t you already see her?”

“Ya, she was me first visitor. I was jus’ hopin’ t’ see her ‘gain,” I shrug, well aware of the terrible job I’m doing of hiding the one hundred watt smile I’m wearing. 

“And does that have anything to do with you blinding me with that smile of yours?” he inquires, raising a sandy blonde eyebrow at me. 

“Maybe it has sumthin’ t’ do with me havin’ a date with her on Friday, as of an hour ago,” I reveal casually with a shrug of my shoulders, feeling the smile grow larger somehow. 

“Fucking finally,” Myles chimes with happiness spreading across his face, and I nod quickly. 

“I know, ‘s all finally comin’ t’getha fer us.”

+

It would be accurate to say that I was still in utter disbelief after yesterday, and rehashing it all to Skye the second I got home only made it all seem more real, and even better. Then again, that was an understatement, because I had been waiting for this for years. I had been waiting to feel this way for too long, and to be able to say and think that I have a date with Harry tomorrow. An actual, proper date. Several times, I cursed myself for not making the date on Thursday night, tonight, because although I had waited painstakingly for five days, another two felt like twenty years.

It was even bittersweet coming to work the next day and not seeing him there, confusing the habits and expectations I had come to know. I still had to finish up the case with Myles that he would finish arguing, with my help, for the next two days. I tried to think of it that way, that the date would be even better after finishing that case, and in a way, signifying my return to Harry. God, it was all too perfect, but it would be even more so if I didn’t have to wait another bloody day, well actually two, to see him. Yesterday wasn’t long enough, but when I think about it, no length of time ever is with him and that’s how I know I’m in trouble.

Also, that I’m walking right into one of my dreams.

+

After a morning spent in court starting off the case, I was back at the firm with Myles after lunch to work on it some more. He had given me more time to myself to work on my own than Harry had, but I preferred it that way. Harry was right, Myles was good to me, and I did learn a lot from him, but it wasn’t the same as being with Harry. Nothing has ever and never will be the same as being with him, certainly not. Also, the whole Family and Interpersonal side of court was depressing as fuck, I found out. The topic littered Harry and I’s conversations the last almost week, resulting in me taking after him and deciding to stay far away from it for now. 

I’m reminded of him everywhere I go, and it definitely makes trying to get my work done all the more difficult. I see his face in the succulent sat at the corner of my desk, behind my office chair where he would lean over me to help me on my laptop, on my sofa where he opened his birthday presents with explosive happiness, and in the reflection on the tall window where I now stand in the same spot as on his birthday when he hugged me against his front with a kiss to my head. A day later, and it all still feels so surreal to me, and I’m not mad about it. I appreciate its distracting qualities, leaving me to not worry as much about what the hell I’m going to wear tomorrow, and messing things up. Skye’s already picked out five outfits for me by now, I’m sure, but I was at a loss last night when I perused my closet. The pressure to impress somebody I’ve already met a hundred times, feels even greater than my second interview I had at the firm, and I tell myself I don’t know why, even though I do.

I want to wear the right thing, and feel beautiful. More than that, I don’t want to mess things up between us, again, no matter how stupid that sounds. No matter how premature it is to worry about right now.

With the happiest of sighs, I wander over to my bookshelf that now sits a dozen law books, gifts from Harry, Skye, Robbie, my dad, and Asher. Perhaps my favorite, to no surprise, is the Lawyer’s Dictionary that Harry got me. It has a section for all of the law jargon, another on many important laws, and lastly finishes with a guide for working the courtroom. I was just getting on my tippy toes to grab it when I feel a pair of arms surround my chest and pull me against theirs. 

“Hiya, brat,” a voice teases, tickling my neck. 

“Harry!” I exclaim with surprise, grabbing hold of his forearms. “Why do you love to scare me so much?”

“I dunno, ‘s fun, and coz yer a brat, so ya deserve it,” he giggles, and finally I relent and do too as I turn around to face him. 

“I am not a brat!” I argue, finding his flushed stubbly cheeks, taking a second to get used to the thick stubble covering them now. 

“Ya are, I reckon, couldn’t even wake me up last night t’ finish tha rest o’ tha FRIENDS episode on FaceTime, jus’ kept watchin’ along without me. If that doesn’t make ya a brat, then I dunno what does,” he tuts, clucking his tongue as he shakes his head at me. My giggles grow into a hearty chuckle as his folded hands settle at the small of my back. 

“Harry Edward!” I scoff, swatting at his chest once again hidden by his Northface coat, matching his black skinny jeans. 

“Hey, ya betta watch that hand o’ yers, bug, and that mouth too.”

“I’m not a brat,” I whine, all facial features falling into a pout that immediately grabs his attention. 

“Rebecca Ann, don’t even start with me. Put that bloody pout away befo’ ya regret it,” he insists, pointing his eyes at me with the smallest of smirks peeking through on his lips. It wins him over and soon his dimples accompany his deep laugh. “Stop, yer not a brat, bug, ‘m jus’ teasin’ ya. Y’know that. Jus’ can’t believe it didn’t even take a week fer ya t’ skip ahead o’ me in our show.”

“The episode was already three quarters of the way over!” I protest, earning a good finger wag at me. I fight back and push against his chest. “And I didn’t want to wake you up, you were so tired.”

“No, it was not! It was only half way through and ya couldn’t even wake me up! How rude o’ my Becks t’ be makin’ up excuses.” 

“Stop being mean to me,” I pout again, beginning to turn away with my arms crossed over my chest. 

“Hey, ‘m jus’ givin' ya a hard time, bug, y’know that. Yer neva a brat, and even if ya are, yer my brat,” Harry hums warmly, the honey returning to his voice in full force as he catches me around the middle with his arms once again. I can’t remember the last time I heard his voice absent of the honey, though. I don’t ever want to. “I wouldn’t want ya any otha way.”

“I knew you were only joking.”

“You li’l liar!” he laughs against my temple and mine joins his ever so contagious one. “Y’know, ‘ve always loved how ya neva take me shit and how ya can dish it right back, Becks.”

“Of course, I figured out at  the very beginning that I wouldn’t get by without it.”

“That’s me girl,” he coos, bringing me forth and round to find his gentle green eyes once more. They smile at me with a sparkle to them I haven’t had the pleasure to know before. I’ve yet to see him look at anybody this way, and I wonder if I have my own special look in my eyes for him, too. If I do, it was born long ago. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you had said you were going to take it easy until Monday, since your case got done early,” I wonder aloud, unsure of what to do with my hands until they venture to his coat’s zipper on their own, pulling it up and down distractedly. 

“I was, until My’ roped me into a partner meetin’ t’day, and I wanted t’ see a special sumbody,” he sighs with an accented roll of his eyes at first, and then they dish out their dazzle on me. “But that’s it, and ‘m off afta that. I hafta do a li’l work fer my case afta finishin’ it, but it’ll only take ten minutes tops. Then laundry, cleanin’, and tha like at home before grocery shoppin’. Only jus’ now got outta bed, tha bloody jetlag.”

“Ah, I see. The work of a lawyer never ends, it seems,” I comment and he nods above me, eyes watching my every move closely. “God, if I knew you’d be here today I would have tried a little harder when I got dressed this morning,” I laugh nervously, my eyes falling to his crimson button-up peeking out from his coat, decorated with gray flowers and foliage. 

“Ya don’t even hafta try and ya look gorgeous, Becks. Promise,” Harry disagrees, the molasses pouring out from his words and into my heart, pushing the very last chip away. Just like that, I’m all his again, but I think it happened long before this and I didn’t know. Daring a look up at him, the dimples couldn’t be deeper in his cheeks as his sunshine smile radiates onto me, the pad of his thumb rough against my cheek. “I sure missed seein’ that smile, ‘s me favourite.” 

My anxiousness carries away with the sunshine, and I’m left with red cheeks and a smile that makes them hurt. It almost pains me to look into his bright sunny eyes, but I wouldn’t want to be looking anywhere else. Finally, I let myself look and with that, I let him in a little further and start to let go. 

“You’re really laying it on thick,” I jest harmlessly with a smile, dragging my finger down the seam of his chest where the two sides of the fabric meet in red cloth buttons. 

“Ya, coz I finally can,” he grins, and the warmth spreading across my body in tingly waves finds an outlet in a soft laugh of mine. 

Anxious yes, but ever so happy while his hand spreads out flush against my back, fingertips moving lazily. I’ve already pinched myself once or twice today wondering if this is all a dream, and shocked that I could ever be this happy. There were so many times I doubted the existence of it and its possibility, and everything it had to do with having this with Harry. Predictably, an electronic twinkle interrupts our conversation, and I’m confused to find him lifting his wrist. 

“Woah, look at the fancy lawyer,” I tease, his already colossal smile growing taller as he flicks a finger across his shiny new Apple watch. “That must have cost a pretty penny.”

“Ya, and My’ dished out e’ry last cent,” he titters, pressing his palm to the shiny surface rounded by space grey edges, returning his eyes and hands to me. “It was his birthday present t’ me, sayin’ that I should be mo’ organized at me age, or sumthin’.”

“Talk about brutal honesty right there.”

“Don’t go bloody agreein’ with him now!” Harry scoffs, but his mouth open in disgust is no more, lined by joyous lips that soon attack my cheeks in kisses. 

“No, no, no!” I beg aloud in shrieks when his quick fingers dance along my ribs, sending jolts of electricity across my body. More exclamations and pleas escape them before I say the magic words, “Harry Edward!” 

“What d’ya want, hmm, Rebecca Ann?” he asks breathlessly, that adorable breathy laugh falling off of his glossy cherry lips. 

“I think you like saying my full name too much,” I contend, giving up and falling into the sage green abyss of his eyes for the hundredth time, or more. 

“Maybe I do. Maybe I like it,” he shrugs mischievously, that smirk glued to his lips that pull me in. 

“Do you like it, the watch?”

“Ya, ‘s nice. I thought ‘d told ya ‘bout it, sorry. Reckon it has helped me t’ stay organized. Speakin’ of, me meetin’ ‘s inna few, so I hafta take off, bug,” he croons with disapproving lips, his bottom lip soon jutting out from the top. 

“Harry Styles, don’t you even!” I threaten rather weakly, the sounds of happiness leaving my lips doing a good job of that. 

“Oh, and what if I don’t? Hmmm, Rebecca Holte, jus’ what will ya do ‘bout it?” Harry returns, wiggling an eyebrow at me that makes my chest rumble with harder laughter. 

“I’ll just have to stop you, but I don’t know how just yet.”

A devilish smirk is born on his lips before my eyes, and soon leaves my view while his face escapes to the crook of my neck, his voice soon tickling my skin, “Lawyers gotta be quick on their feet, bug. Reckon I can think o’ a way ya can make these lips stop poutin’, maybe ya can try it on me t’morro’ afta our date,” he hums against my neck, knitting up his sentence with a whisper of a kiss below my ear.

I feel like a fricken sixteen-year-old all over again, and I’m loving every second. 

“You better get going to your meeting, before you’re late, Harry,” I giggle uncontrollably,  sure that my face is blotchy with red all over because of what he just said. My suspicion is confirmed when he lifts his head of moused curls to look me in the eyes again, and the glint in them tells me so. I feel like I can read him even better now, all because he’s letting me. 

“‘s alright, they expect me t’ be late by now, ‘s a given,” he insists with a comedic shrug of his shoulders, hands wandering away from my back and to our sides where they invite my hands into his. 

“Will you stop and say goodbye this time?”

“‘Course, bug. ‘m sorry I missed ya yestaday, ya had already left afta I had made me rounds,” he assures me, receiving a quiet ‘it’s okay’ from me. 

“Try not to fall asleep at your meeting today,” I joke, watching his eyes roll into the back of his head briefly before he scoops me into his arms for a squeeze. 

“I won’t if ya promise not t’ be a brat anymo’ and skip ahead in our show.”

“Get lost and go to your meeting already!” I laugh, shoving him away by his chest, observant of his mouth relaxing into a disbelieving ‘O’. His laugh echoes mine quickly, only disrupted when my hand comes to his cheek to plant my lips on his other for a few seconds longer than necessary. “I’m so glad you’re back, Harry.”

“So am I, Becks, so bloody much,” he echoes, holding my hands a little tighter in his, even bringing one to his lips for a kiss. “Good luck on yer case, love, for tha thousandth time. ‘m so proud o’ you.”

With that, he leaves me in a puddle of my own surreal emotions, disappearing from my office with a look over his shoulder wearing that smirk. That very smirk I want so desperately to kiss off those cherry lips already. Tomorrow, I think, if I can make it until then. Just one more day.

+

I had been struggling with finishing this last part, or rather redoing it, for too long now. When my eyes again strayig to the violet clock, I was surprised to find that it had been almost an hour, and I hadn’t gotten much further. With my head in my hands, I sigh as feelings battle to be felt within my insides. After today’s argument, Myles and I had to shift our approach, and I still wasn’t sure of how to do that. He had been helping me, of course, but I still felt so lost. It doesn’t help that he’s currently caught up in the partner’s meeting that Harry is also at, and Jennings who is but isn’t a partner. I still don’t get it, even though Harry explained it to me a few times. The next time he does, I’ll have to remember to ask him to dumb it down for me. 

Even after pouring over our shared notes in Google Docs, and my several law books strewn across my desk, I’m at a loss for what to do.

I wish more than anything that it was already five pm tomorrow, and that the only thing I have to think about is my date with Harry. I still don’t know what the hell to wear, or to do with my hair, or how heavy to go with my makeup. 

“Why tha long face, bug?” somebody pipes up, pulling me away from my immersive thoughts. Blinking hard, I tear my eyes away from the laptop screen and look over to the door, but I don’t lift my tired head from my propped fist. 

“I don’t know what to do for my argument.”

“Still? Why didn’t ya jus’ ask, Becks?” Harry hums with an inviting smile, pressing the door to come just shy of closing. 

I shrug my shoulders with a heavy exhale, scrolling through what I have so far, quickly realizing how embarrassing it’ll be to show him. I can’t exit out quickly enough, hearing his footsteps arrive behind me. 

“Hey, what d’ya think yer doin’?” he teases when I switch tabs, quickly feeling the weight of his hand on top of mine, dragging the mouse along. “Don’t be nervous, love, ‘m here t’ help. Always am,” he coos softly, a hand settling on my adjacent shoulder, earning me an encouraging squeeze. 

“It’s embarrassing, Harry. I’ve been sitting here for over an hour trying to figure out what to do, and I have next to nothing to show for it.”

“Relax, ‘s only yer first official case yer arguin’. Don’t be so hard on yerself, Becks. It sounds like ya need a break, bug,” he insists, sending sparks along my left arm as he rubs stripes along the skin. It’s not long before I hear a familiar laugh and slowly, Harry’s dancing figure comes into view. “Yo ‘ll tell ya what I want, what I really, really want. So tell me what ya want, what ya really, really want,” he belts out, his phone blasting the song cupped in his hand. 

“Oh my God,” I sigh with an accidental laugh, my head falling into my hands. I’m too curious though, and so I peek out from behind my spread fingers to watch him sing passionately with his eyes closed while breaking out some amusing dance moves. “Please, stop,” I chuckle, but I’m sure he also hears the lie in my voice. 

“‘m not stoppin’.”

“Please, Harry. You’re going to make me die from secondhand embarrassment,” I confess into my hands, feeling brave and letting my fingers fall down to below my eyes. Mistakenly, his catch mine and they fly back up to cover my eyes, or for the most part. 

“Rebecca Ann, ‘m not stoppin’ ‘til ya come and join me.”

“Then you’re going to be there for a while,” I say with a shrug of my shoulders, certain of one thing and that’s the smile claiming my lips, and the forgotten document staring at me. I’m too preoccupied with the silly, dancing man in front of my eyes, and how somehow this makes me love him all the more. 

“Becks,” he insists, in between singing along to the song very badly. Oh no, I think as his steps near me once again. Before I know it, I’m staring into darkness as his breath tickles the back of my neck. 

“Stop,” I beg with laughs interjected among my pleas. They grow into near shouts and exclamations when his singing is accompanied by his fingers dancing across my sides, and along the slopes of my neck. “Harry!” I almost yell, and when my laughs couldn’t hurt my belly more, it all ceases. Only the singing remains and is joined by his stubbly cheek against my temple, and his arms coiled around my shoulders. “If ya wanna be my lova, ya gotta get with my friends.”

“Make it last forever, friendship never ends,” I continue for him, giggles heard at the end when his nose tickles the corner of my sensitive neck. 

“There’s me happy Becks, ‘m glad I found her ‘gain,” Harry coos, leaving a kiss on my temple before he helps me to tackle my argument. 

Five days did and didn’t feel very long when I think about it now, with his arms wrapped around me as his voice tickles my ear. Too easily, I can remember his absence over those long days, and how effortlessly they felt far longer. I barely survived with his texts and phone calls alone, and it hurts to think that if it hadn’t been for his case finishing early, I’d still be sitting here in my office all in my lonesome. 

Those thoughts are yanked away - thank God - when his voice brings me back, spewing legal mumbo jumbo that luckily nowadays I can understand, but I couldn’t have always said that. Harry makes quick work of what would be my best route to take and how I do that, and for the fiftieth time in the last two days, I couldn’t be more grateful for how easy things are coming together. I couldn’t be more thankful to have him by my side. It still feels like a dream getting to live this life now, and getting to work with him on the daily, singing Spice Girls amidst stolen cheek kisses.

One puzzle piece at a time, and there’s only one or two pieces left in this puzzle of ours.

+

The murmur of voices assaults my ears when I walk through the door, and feel my vision tugged towards the ceiling decorated with chandeliers. A song by Frank Sinatra floats around the entryway, hardly calming my overactive nerves, despite it being a favorite of my late grandpa’s. When I finally reach the host’s stand, the nerves topple out with my words, jumbling them.

“Reservation for H-Harry Styles, please,” I tell the towering, dark haired man. After a few moments tapping away on the kiosk, he grabs two menus and leads me through a maze of linen covered tables sat under the glow of the several chandeliers. 

I try to hide my disappointment when he leads me to an empty, round table, leaving with a few words about my server being with me soon. Another feeling bubbles up inside me, forcing itself to join all of the others mixed together within me. I had a feeling I was too early, I think silently as I shrug off my long pea coat to hang over my chair. Skye’s wishes of good luck and ‘lots of snogging’ float back to me, filling my sad cheeks with another wash of pink. ‘No, you aren’t driving yourself, I’m dropping you off so then you can get a ride home with him, and lay a big one on him when he walks you up,’ she had insisted, but the anxiousness years in the making is doing a good job of making me doubt myself tonight. 

My attention drifts to my phone that is silent with no new messages, but I still check our conversation. The last message was from him:

see u in half an hour for our date bug :) xxx

My thumb scrolls through our previous messages, straying to last night’s that brings a smile to my face. 

I have no idea what to wear tomorrow :/ 

meant it when i said u look beautiful in anything Becks ;) help what should i wear ? xx

I might be a little impartial to that gray suit you wore to my class lecture that one time ;) 

noted ;) i may especially love the color red on u if u wanna know 

Noted ;) Question....

shoot, love 

Skye was gonna drop me off tonight on her way to her boyfriend’s …. Would a ride home be too much to ask?

course not Becks. anytime u need a ride im here. id love to give u a ride home. perfect we can jam 2 some spice girls in the car then ;) 

I can’t wait

neither can i bug :) 

My reminiscing is interrupted when my eyes fall to my outfit of choice, tugging up the scoop neck that Skye insisted wasn’t ‘too slutty.’ Now, I’m not so sure about it, and I can’t decide if I wish he’d show up already, or if I’m not ready. Those thoughts are stolen away when the texts disappear on my phone, his smiling face claiming the screen with a jingle. 

“Hello?” I answer with a gulp, trying to hide the anxious tremble in my voice. I can’t help it, my eyes dart to my wrist, noticing it’s already 6:05 pm.

“Hi, bug. ‘m sorry but tha traffic ‘s horrendous and ‘m afraid ‘ll be late gettin’ t’ tha restaurant. E’rybody else ‘s comin’ home from work too,” Harry explains from the other side, a weird sound taking over his voice. Yeah, we’re not too good at this pretending thing anymore, are we? I can hear the nerves in his voice, probably just like he can hear them in mine. 

“Oh, it’s okay, Harry. I don’t mind at all, just be careful driving,” I respond, feeling a sense of relief at knowing where he is. I know he never would, but it squashes the tiny voice inside of me saying he wasn’t ever going to show up. 

“‘Course I will, love. Thanks fer understandin’. Reckon ‘ll be there in ten. Are ya there already?” he responds, just the sound of his voice doing wonders at calming me down. The only thing that could take it all away is a hug, one of his.

“Yeah, I just sat down.”

“Mmmm, d’ya mind scopin’ out tha menu while yer there? I won’t be too long, we can order once I get there, if that’s alright,” he asks, the sound of traffic sneaking into our phone call for a second. Then, I hear him sigh ‘finally’ and the subsequent thrum of the motor.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you soon then, careful driving.”

“I can’t wait t’ see you, Becks,” he hums before hanging up, leaving me sitting across from an empty chair that I can’t stop picturing him sitting in. 

This is really happening.

Finally.

+

The sound of her voice rings in my ears, and does nothing to stop the anxious shakes coursing throughout my body. Curses fall under my breath as I honk at somebody who pulls out right in front of me, making me slam on my brakes. With a sigh, I turn on my indicator before making my turn.

Pulling my keys from the ignition drenches my surroundings in silence, and reminds me of my heart beating wildly within my chest. Looking up, the decorative windows of the restaurant appear before me in shrouded light. She’s somewhere in there . . waiting for me.

Get it together, Harry. You can do this.

My eyes drift to the rear view mirror and I card my fingers through my hair until it looks decent enough. That’s as good as it’s going to get, I almost mutter while smoothing down my blazer underneath my coat. The bone chilling February night nips at my face once my feet touch the tarmac. Streetlights cast glows all around me, as well as the headlights of several cars. The thumping within my chest grows louder and faster as my feet near the door, and then the stand where a manicured man waits.

“Hi. I made a reservation unda the name ‘Harry Styles’,” I tell him, immediately casting my eyes to the tables within view, searching for her dark chocolate locks. 

“Right this way,” he replies, waving a hand to follow him and I do. He leads me past several tables, empty and occupied, and almost gets me lost in the process.

The last thing I feel is lost when my eyes finally find her.

“Thank you. I-I got it from here,” I tell him hurriedly, holding a hand out that brings us both to a halt. He walks away after a short ‘you’re welcome,’ leaving me there, right where I want to be.

I don’t remember the smile reaching my ears or my heart quieting within my chest as I watch her flip through the menu thirty feet away from me. The prettiest red dress dons her long body, falling just underneath her collarbones and draped over the curve of her shoulders. Her hair falls in dark, natural waves, almost hiding the round opal sitting above the scoop of scarlet fabric. A tingling sensation blankets my body from head to toe, and the image of Becks sitting there waiting for me is burned into my mind.

It feels like I’m meeting her again for the first time, but I’m not. This feels like a new first time, and I know it’s one I won’t ever forget, much like the very first time I laid my eyes upon her. 

It felt like a Monday. For the bloody life of me, I couldn’t remember if it was one at the moment. Is it Monday? I’m not sure, but with the way things were going today, it sure felt like one. The copier had a jam, I forgot the first lunch I’ve made in years at home, and my girlfriend had been annoying the fuck out of me this morning. To top it all off, I had applicants being interviewed today to fill the position of my personal assistant, ever since the last one bolted. She didn’t last more than two weeks, a big surprise. 

Pete had been blowing up my phone for the last ten minutes, and I finally had had enough. Without an announcement or a knock, I stride into his office, fully intent on finding out what the hell he wants. 

“I’m a little busy, if you haven’t noticed,” he retorts over the head of dark chestnut locks sat in front of him. Presumably, one of the new applicants for my personal assistant. Hmm. 

“Well, ya kept ringin’ me bloody phone, Pete. So, what tha hell d’ya want?” I insist, throwing up a hand that falls to my thigh with a loud slap. 

Suddenly, I wish the quiet little thing would turn around, and give me a look at her. Shy, she is, it seems. There she sits, tucked away into her little shell, dressed to impress in a dark dress. 

“I’m in the middle of an interview!” he exclaims, certainly making a good first impression with the applicant. It makes me wonder for the tenth time why I bother having him do the interviews, but then I remember that I don’t really give a fuck, as long as I don’t have to do them. 

“What fer, huh?” I tease, instantly getting a snappy response from Pete about it being for me, as if I didn’t already know. But, I did, and am only doing this to bother him even more. 

“Ooo, ‘s it now? Ya get me a good one? Huh, Pete?” I grin, taking a step forward as a hand in my pocket plays with the tiny, metal guitar attached to my key ring. Sticking my head out as I move forward, my eyes dance across her head, and her profile that soon comes into view. “Hullo, love. Gonna be me new one, are ya? Petey here says I can’t keep one fer tha life o’ me, so here he ‘s interviewin’ me anotha one. How’s she doin’ so far, Petey? Think she’s a winna?” I joke aloud, knowing full well the effect my words have on the both of them. 

My subsequent introduction falls from my lips after a retort from Pete, and then the stranger finally turns to look me in the eyes. I rack my brain, trying to put a name to her face from a prior conversation with Pete. Or was it going over her resume when it came in the other day? I can’t remember which, and I blame it on her captivating baby blue eyes, as well as the intoxicating smile that greets my own. Words float from her lips and grace my ears for the very first time, and I knew immediately that she was something else. 

“Hi, my name is Becky. Becky Holte.”

Little did I know how drastically she would change my life, sometimes I thought for the worse, but ultimately for the better. The better, always. I had no way of knowing at that very moment, how many times she would come to save me.

My Becks.

+

The sound of homemade ravioli filled with chicken and three kinds of cheese is almost making my mouth water. It also makes me wonder when Harry will finally be here, and habitually, my eyes lift to look for him. To my surprise, I find him standing a ways away with the sweetest smile stuck to his lips. 

“Hiya, Becks. Sorry ‘m late. Ya look . . absolutely gorgeous, by tha way,” he comments once he’s within a few steps of the table. He reaches across to squeeze my arm before sitting down across from me, a blush pinching his cheeks. 

“Thank you, Harry. I uh, like the suit you went with, you look very handsome in it. Good choice,” I return, failing to not focus on the fast thrumming deep inside of me. 

“Ya, a certain sumbody said it was their favourite on me, so I couldn’t disappoint,” he grins with a shrug, unfastening the button at his waist, exposing the satiny black button-up hidden underneath. 

“Good, I’m glad you didn’t,” I smile, sure of the warmth he can see filling my cheeks, because I can see it mirrored in his own. “I like that you kept the stubble.”

“Why thank you,” he comments, once again rubbing it with his thumb and forefinger, and like before, making me all the more jealous. “I trimmed it up a li’l bit, figured I betta.” 

“Oh, I hope you keep it. I think I prefer you with it.”

“D’ya now, Becks?” he teases with a lift of his eyebrows, his tousled curls almost tickling his forehead, but just barely. “‘ll hafta rememba that,” he smiles, and more than ever, it’s incredibly contagious. My cheeks are starting to hurt from smiling by now, but I don’t even mind. 

“The um,” I begin nervously, my eyes falling to the elegant paper menu opened in front of me. It pains me to look away from him and the sunshine emanating from his smile, but it’s not so bad when I feel his chelsea boot knock against my heel, remaining there against the back of my ankle. “Chicken ravioli sounds good, as well as the margherita pizza, and Cacio e Pepe. Lots of good choices for dessert, too.”

“Mmm, they all sound good, love. Thanks fer lookin’ fer us,” he muses aloud, head bent down to peer at the menu when I glance over to him. 

His habit returns and his bottom lip is caught between his teeth, and somehow, it makes my smile grow bigger. I didn’t think that was possible, but here I am with aching cheeks. I nudge his foot with mine and he looks up with a question on his face, soon relaxing into a sparkling smile. That effervescent look in his eyes from the other day returns, and if I hadn’t known it already, I truly could look into his eyes for the rest of eternity. The dimples haven’t left his cheeks since he arrived, and his raspberry lips beg at me from across the table. 

“Let’s give it a try then,” he remarks, closing his menu without breaking our eye contact. The words dipped in honey flow from his lips and tickle something inside me, and I want more than anything to hear another meaning in them. His foot nudging at mine in return only makes me give in to it, and so does his wink. 

Our server arrives at our table shortly, and I thank God for the champagne she pours into tall flutes, not taking the edge off fast enough. A conversation blossoms between us about his case, and then mine with Myles. 

“Ya did great by tha way. Congrats on tha win, Becks, ‘m so fookin’ proud o’ you,” Harry grins adamantly, sweetness pouring off of his words that come out with a shake of his head. 

“Thank you so much, Harry. Wait, how’d you know we won it? I was just going to tell you,” I ask with furrowed brows, and receive a measly shrug of his shoulders in return. The look on his face, as if a revelation is threatening to burst from his lips, teases at me until it abates when the server brings us waters and we order. 

“So so bloody proud o’ you t’day, Becks,” he whispers as she pulls out her notepad and a pen. Possibilities blossom within my mind after he sends me a coy wink and knocks his foot against mine again. It doesn’t leave my own throughout the rest of our time there, during our meal and the laughs we share over glasses of champagne, and a plate of Tiramisu that I somehow let him share with me.

+

“I knew it! You were there today, sitting in the gallery, weren’t you?!” I exclaim, mumbling a short ‘thank you’ when he opens the car door for me. 

“Maybe,” Harry shrugs casually, walking around the front of the car as I fall onto the leather seat. 

“Harry Styles!” I nearly shout, if it weren’t for my voice dissolving into a giggle as he slides behind the steering wheel next to me. 

“What? I had some stuff t’ do at tha courts, so I may have popped in fer a mo’,” he explains. 

“Sure,” is all I say as I pull the seat belt across my chest. 

“Hush, and play some music, bug. Here,” he insists, handing me his grey iPhone that looks normal sized in his hand, and then gigantic in mine. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to watch?”

“Coz o’ that right there, Becks. Yer nervous ‘bout it right now afta tha fact, imagine how ya woulda been if ‘d told ya I was comin’ befo’ yer argument t’day,” he returns, pressing buttons on the dash and soon, waves of hot air greet my cold body. 

“I guess you’re right.”

“‘m what? I didn’t catch that,” Harry jests, cupping his ear. A scoff flies from my lips and I playfully swat his shoulder. “Hey, watch it. ‘m drivin’.”

“You haven’t even switched gears, so shut up,” I laugh, catching the eye roll he thinks I don’t see. “I see that eye roll, Styles, you better watch it.”

“You betta watch it, Becks. Betta pick a good Spice Girls song too, ‘m payin’ attention,” he jokes, soon his fingers diving into my side. A laugh escapes me unwillingly, and yanks my eyes over to his giggling lips. 

His name leaves mine in a near shriek, and after a blink, his tickling fingers are gone and lacing between mine. The dark flecks in his sage green eyes catch under the overhead light before it turns off automatically. He gives my hand a good squeeze as his eyes melt into mine, and a zing of electricity runs up my fingers and then my arm. The smile falling into his cheeks mirrors the one that’s been glued to my lips all night, and now grows higher and higher. I return the squeeze just as he looks to his mirrors, the click of the doors locking when he shifts to Reverse. 

It almost hurts to look away, but so many other feelings and thoughts are occupying me as my eyes fall to his phone. Disbelief washes over me as his long, ringed fingers sit between mine. It only grows when he lifts our intertwined hands up and over the middle console, to sit on his warm thigh.

An uninvited wave of pain hits me when I spot familiar sad songs amongst his music library, like the familiar ‘When She Loved Me’ that could make any Toy Story fan weep within seconds of hearing it. It intensifies when my eyes run over the songs Before You Go, Wish You Were Here, Say You Won’t Let Go, and With or Without You. Chancing a glance over at him, he stares straight ahead into the dark night, and a bittersweetness greets me. I try not to let it in, and the realization that perhaps those lost seven months were hell for him too, as were those five days apart. 

“Find it? I have Spice World on there sumwhere. I know I have loads o’ shit on there, sorry,” he comments, turning his head to check his left before pulling onto the busy road. 

“Y-Yeah,” I stutter, looking back to his expansive music library spanning from the 50’s to current music. His thumb drawing circles onto my knuckles brushes some of the sadness away as I bring up the album he speaks of. 

“Bloody hell, why ya choosin’ tha sad one, Becks?” he titters, glancing over to me when we come to a stop at a light. His smile shining back at me whisks away the last drops of the sadness, but hints of it remain with me, begging to be felt. I shrug my shoulders as the beginning lyrics of ‘Too Much’ fills the car, and I only turn it up louder. “I get t’ pick tha next song, if yer playin’ sad stuff. Bloody rubbish you are at pickin’ songs,” he sighs jokingly with a shake of his head, curls tickling his ears and the nape of his neck. 

“I am not!” 

“‘Kay, brat, keep talkin’,” he snickers, earning another scoff from me that he answers with a harder laugh. I cast my eyes to the window with an exaggerated whimper, soon hearing his profuse apologies. “‘m kiddin’, Becks, bloody hell. I already know ya have a good taste in music from all o’ our talks. I like this song too, jus’ thought ya’d go fer some happy songs, seein’ tha . . occasion and e’rythin’. Hey.” 

I answer him with my eyes returning to him, finding his wink before he looks back to traffic, and with my thumb coasting back and forth across his smooth skin. I listen to the lyrics, feeling another squeeze of my hand from him before I change the song. 

“Hey, don’t change it befo’ ‘s done!” he exclaims, and I just laugh, watching his shocked lips soon do the same. 

“Then stop complaining,” I argue, catching another roll of his eyes as the car slows to a stop in front of another light. Joy buds on my lips as the surprise unfolds on his features, meanwhile his eyes crinkle, the dimples fall deeper, and his raspberry lips thin out as a smile consumes his face. 

“I knew ya were sumthin’ special,” he notes aloud with a shake of his head, a giggle emanating from his joyous smile, right before he joins me to sing along to Shania Twain’s ‘Man, I Feel Like A Woman.’ 

His fingers laced between mine continue to send my heart into overdrive as we belt out the song between contagious laughs, and then another crowd favourite, ‘You’re Still The One.’ This one gets me and sometimes throughout the song, I can’t get myself to look at him with the sincerity held in the lyrics. As well as the words that hit too close to home. 

Finally, I can’t stand it anymore, and my eyes drift over to his at the end of the song, finding that his are already on mine. “‘m so glad we made it. Look how far we’ve come, my baby,” Harry finishes with his eyes dancing upon me with that smile dripping with molasses. As if his hand squeezing mine periodically throughout the song wasn’t already making me want to cry, now I really could. I return the gesture before looking out the window, blinking back the arriving tears from my eyes as those lasting words sing inside of my head. 

Yeah, we finally made it, Harry. Belatedly, but finally.

+

“‘s been years since ‘ve been here, hasn’t changed much tho’,” Harry remarks softly, only a few steps away from my door. 

“Yeah, the inside looks bout the same too.”

“‘m sure. Maybe I could see fer meself one o’ these days,” he remarks aloud, and when my eyes drag over to his nervously, I answer him with a nod. 

“I’d like that.”

“Me too,” he coos, rubbing the pad of his thumb along the back of my hand. A shy smile nudges at the edge of my lips as he stands in front of me, my right hand still safe within his. “Well, I had a wondaful time t’night, thanks again.”

“You’re welcome, and thank you too. I had a lot of fun . . with you.”

“So did I, bug. ‘ll um, text you later then?” Harry says, clearing his throat awkwardly, his bottom lip soon returning to its nervous spot. 

“Y-yeah, sounds good,” I mumble quietly, eyes falling to my hand that he drops. The absence of his warmth against mine feels very strange now, having been holding hands for the entire drive and subsequent walk up to my apartment. 

“Night, Becks.”

“Goodnight, Harry, careful driving,” is the last thing I say before slipping behind my door, finding Skye perched on the sofa. The monotonous, forced words echo in my ears and my eyes fall to the floor, disappointment flooding every inch of me. 

“So, how’d it go?! Did you finally fucking kiss him?!” she shouts the second the door meets its frame. 

“No,” I admit between shy lips, the steps I take seeming as if they’re from somebody else’s body, not mine. The entire last five minutes feels like somebody else had lived them, not me. No, it can’t end like that. “Not yet, anyways,” I rush, ignoring my shoes I already toed off, spinning around and ripping open the door. “Harry, wait!” I exclaim, finding his surprised expression waiting in front of the lift. 

“What?” he asks, eyebrows bent into a questioning mess. 

“I-I forgot something,” I manage, the words spilling out in a heap while he closes the distance between us, stopping right in front of me. Right where I need him. 

“Forgot what, bug? Did ya forget yer shoes in me car?” he titters, the fluorescent glow overhead picking out the few blonde hairs in his stubble. 

“No . . something else,” I finally admit, taking a step when there aren’t any left. 

The dimples remain set into his cheeks while his eyes fall to my lips and mine raise to his. His facial hair is prickly and dense under the pad of my thumb, and his coveted bottom lip is warm and pillowy. The golden hue of his olive green irises fills my mind when my lips finally meet his, and at last, I find his bottom lip between my own. His sweet giggle sounds against my lips as my fingers get lost in his buttery curls. I come to echo it when his hands shock me with their coldness against my hips, pulling me closer to him. One strays to the back of my head as his lips move against mine, the word ‘finally’ repeating incessantly within my mind. His barely there beard is scratchy against my skin, contrasting to the smooth tip of his nose grazing my cheek. The cinnamon and cocoa powder from the Tiramisu cake tickles my taste buds while his spicy vanilla smell covers me like a blanket. Zings shoot across my palm pressed to his smiling cheek, his facial hair prickly against the sensitive skin. 

Not feeling like what was actually mere seconds later, air fills my lungs when we pull away at the same time, sharp inhales filling the air. Quickly, his sweet giggle joins it, and ropes one of my own in. The tip of his nose leaves trails on my cheek as his forehead falls onto mine. 

“Ya have no idea how long ‘ve waited fer that,” Harry rasps, his warm breath dancing across my lips. His own press a whisper of a kiss to mine briefly, although after that, now I’m sure it could never be long enough. 

“I think I do know,” I mumble, my hand straying to his chin where I brush the tip of my thumb against the flesh of his bottom lip. 

“‘m sorry it took us so long, bug.”

“It’s okay, we’re here now. Finally,” I tell him and he nods, the twinkle in his eye bright as can be. For the first time, I let myself melt and lose myself in the greens of his eyes. Something I have wanted to do ever since the very first time I looked into his green eyes and knew I was fucked. 

“Yes, we are. And look at you, Becks. Ya beat me t' tha first date and tha first kiss,” he smirks with a decadent laugh adorning his words. I can’t help but join him while I twirl a ringlet of his hair around the tip of my finger against the back of his neck. 

“Oh, it’s okay, Harry. You got the first hand hold, and the first Shania Twain car duet.”

A roll of his miraculous eyes accompanies his continuing laugh, “Ya, well, so did you, but I got tha more romantic one,” he insists, words welcomed by my surprised scoff. 

“Wait, you don’t find ‘Man, I Feel Like A Woman’ romantic?!” I nearly exclaim in faux disbelief, my voice softening into a giggle quickly. 

“Only when you sing it, bug,” Harry smiles, thumbing circles into the small of my back. 

“Wait, you got tha first handhold, brat. Rememba, when I visited you at yer old work that day? Bloody hell, you beat me t’ all tha good ones, Becks. No fair,” he snickers with a sigh to his words, the two contrasting the other. I suffice my response with an obligatory nod, feeling my heart just now starting to settle into a regular beat. “Becks, there’s so many things ‘ve wanted t’ say t’ you, and now, I finally can.”

“I think I know how you feel.” 

“First thing ‘ll say ‘s I get tha second date and tha second kiss,” Harry contends with a smirk held in his eyes. 

“Oh, really?” I giggle and he soon nods. He quiets the laugh beginning on my lips with his own giddy ones, my lips molding against his effortlessly. Thoughts blossom quickly within my mind, including why I waited so fucking long to kiss him. If I’d known all of these years how wonderful it feels to kiss him, I never would have waited this long. Our kisses are slow although hurried, our lips searching for the other’s desperately, and somehow perfectly. Years overdue, and it couldn’t feel any more perfect. 

“Fookin’ hell, I jus’ wanna keep kissin’ you, Becks. Dunno if I can stop,” he chuckles, brushing his nose against mine softly. Shockingly, his eyes are even more gorgeous from this view, and I didn’t think that was possible. Evidently, anything is. 

“You don’t have to,” I laugh and he shrugs his shoulders while his eyebrows mimic the expression, his giggle soon vibrating against my tingling lips. 

“We have loads o’ lost time t’ make up fer,” he notes aloud. 

“Yes, we do. A couple years, give or take.”

“Mmmhmm, yer right there, li’l one. Fook, there were so many times I wanted t’ kiss ya ova the years,” he sighs with a sad shake of his head. His dimple is soft under my fingertip, hidden under the warm brunette facial hair. 

“Then kiss me.”

Too soon, his lips leave mine after a short peck, but I press at the back of his curls and envelope his laugh with my lips. My name falls from him in a delighted whisper before one more kiss. Our laughs grow louder only to be muffled, although weakly, when a figure walks by into their nearby apartment. My face runs to the crook of his neck, my very favorite song dancing along my ears as he holds me against him. 

“Nothing to see here, sir,” I joke, and the warmth filling my insides grows at the sound of his happiness. 

“No, I rememba I got tha first handhold that night we went out fer drinks tha first time. Tha night with tha Purple Hazes and all those shots,” Harry insists from above me, and I give him the funniest look when I come out of hiding. 

“You’re still going on about that?” I ask in near disbelief, watching his curls move when he nods his head, dipping to meet my lips with his for a slow kiss. 

“I don’t want this night to end,” I hum against the strawberry color of his decadent mouth. 

“Neither do I, Becks. ‘ve been waitin’ fer it fer so long,” he agrees, the wispiness of his eyelashes ghostlike against my forehead. 

“It’s getting late, and Skye is probably dying to hear how tonight went.”

“Ya betta go and tell tha poor girl then,” he responds, pulling my eyes towards his that sit just a moment away, sending all of the sunshine in my direction. 

“That’s okay?”

“‘Course. I may or may not ring Myles on tha way home t’ tell him all ‘bout it,” he shrugs with a telling lilt to his sing-song voice. The only sound that leaves my lips is an amused laugh that he echoes, and I know that he feels the same way.

At last, I know after over two years that he feels the same way, through and through. 

“We’ll figure out sumthin’ fer this weekend t’getha, sound good?”

“Yeah, sounds great, Harry,” I agree slowly and he nods ever so slightly, leaving kisses starting from my temple and down my cheek. 

“G’night, bug.”

“Night, Harry. Drive careful,” I tell him and once again, he answers me with a nod. 

“I promise, babe.”

“Goodnight,” I almost whisper, the very last breath of the word stolen away by his lips. I wouldn’t want it any other way, I barely am able to think as his lips massage mine between his. His neck is fiery beneath my palms and I’m sure mine is likened to it underneath his fingertips, surges of electricity passing below my skin. The skin is balmy against my blushing cheek when my arms come around his middle, surprising us both with a long hug, before I pull away first. 

“Night, my Becks,” he murmurs against my lips, a shiver running down my spine when he leaves with a final squeeze to my hand. If that didn’t do it, the song flowing from his humming lips sparks memories behind my eyes, but I still can’t figure out where it’s from. But, I know that I have plenty of time to figure it out, and to get all of the kisses that I want from him. 

Fucking finally.

[banghyung]

and they were roommates (s)

word count - 3k

warnings - parties, drinking, minimal drunken smut scenes, alcohol, fingering

member - Hongjoong of ATEEZ

request - “Can I request a tsundere Hongjoong (ATEEZ) angst/fluff.” and “Hey can you write smut with Hongjoong from ATEEZ?”

a/n - ok so i know that being turned on doesn’t sober you up, but let’s just pretend that in the world where you’re best friends with san and share an apartment with hongjoong that being turned on does in fact sober you up ok thanks :) ngl the angst is a little,,,, weird?? just because i knew i wanted the scene of them yelling at each other but when i went to go write it i realized that they didn’t really have much of a reason to yell at each other so i just kinda pulled something out of my ass. also,,, i know this was supposed to be posted monday but i went a little overboard with it since i was combining the two requests :))) p.s i have an interview in approx 10 hours,,, its about 5 am,,,,, and i havent slept yet soo wish me luck

You weren’t sure what you were signing up for when you agreed to share an apartment with a friend of a friend that you had never met until a few days before he moved in. What you were sure of, however, was that you were in desperate need of someone to split the rent with, and how bad could they be if you had mutual friends? You convinced yourself that, at worst, they would be messy, loud, and way too outgoing for your tastes - at best, clean, friendly, and just the right amount of social anxiety to spruce everything up. What you got? Kim Hongjoong.

“Come on,” your mutual friend, San, urged, “he can’t be that bad to live with.”

“It’s not that he’s bad to live with,” you explained, “I just don’t know how to take him.” San raised his eyebrows suggestively. “Oh come on, you know that’s not what I meant.”

“Well, what do you mean? Do you not get along?”

“That’s the thing - I don’t know.”

“How do you… not know… if someone doesn’t like you,” San asked incredulously. 

“He just,” you flailed your hands around, not quite sure how to word what you were trying to say. 

“Oh yeah, no, I completely understand. He just,” San mocked, moving his hands in a similar fashion.

You glared at your friend, who laughed and continued to sip on the milkshake sitting in front of him. “He just, locks himself in his room constantly, which is fine I mean to each their own - but whenever I try and talk to him he either acts like I just bored him so much that he lost 5 years off of his lifespan or he just blinks at me like I’m speaking another language. I don’t think he dislikes me, and I don’t dislike him, but…”

“But you just don’t know how to take him.”

“Exactly!”

“I mean have you considered that what you’re saying is either so boring that you really are depleting his life force and/or saying something so stupid that he really does think you’re talking in another language?”

“Please, for the love of everything good in the universe, please remind me why I’m friends with you?”

“Because your life would be boring without me.” San winked. “But, I do have a class starting in, about 2 minutes ago so I better get going,” he said, getting up from his seat as if he has all the time in the world, “I’ll talk to you later, sweet cheeks.” 

“Hope you don’t trip on your way!”

“I’ll do it just for you, honey bunches.” You smiled and rolled your eyes. Pulling your phone out of your pocket, you checked the time and noticed that you were almost late for your daily nap, an appointment you couldn’t afford to miss at this point in the semester. You quickly picked up your bag and began the trek home.

Walking into your apartment, you hung your keys on the rack and immediately ran to your room - not in fear of seeing your roommate, but in excitement of seeing your bed. 

“Hello gorgeous,” you spoke as you flopped down onto your mattress, “I’ve missed you.”

“Do you normally talk to your bed like its your lover,” you heard a voice ask. 

You whipped around, sitting up quickly as you realized who was standing in the doorway. Your mouth hung in an ‘o’ shape, starstruck by the fact that he was even talking to you, nonetheless how casual his statement was. 

“I see I walked in on a very important milestone in your relationship, I’ll leave you to it, then,” Hongjoong said as he began to walk away.

You sat there for a few minutes after he walked away, your mind reeling. Months into your cohabitation and the first words he speaks to you are after hearing you gush over your bed. As expected, you though, I am an Idiot. 

The commotion, or lack thereof, left you thoroughly confused. So confused that your nap time had come and passed, and you were still laying on your back, staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out what you possibly could have done to make this man act so coldly towards you. Was it something you said when he first moved in? Were you too strict about cleanliness before even allowing him a chance to get settled? Did you unknowingly interrupt something that he was doing in his bedroom and he just held a secret grudge against you for it? Maybe he has a girlfriend and the fact that he’s rooming with you is causing problems with their relationship. Maybe San had hyped you up too much and Hongjoong found himself very disappointed in the person that he now has to live with until the end of the leasing contract. Maybe - you didn’t know. You were sure that you had given Hongjoong no reason to dislike you. Most of the cleaning that he did - he just did, without you having to ask him. The only words you’ve spoken to him are greetings when you see him around the flat or inquiring as to whether or not he would be going to some event held by your mutual friends, as far as you knew you were never harsh or short with him, but yet he looks at you like you’re some kind of alien species. 

“Whatever,” you mumble to yourself. “Let him be this way, I could be a much worse roommate.” You finally rolled out of bed, the grumbling of your stomach the only thing keeping you from just calling it a night, and head into the kitchen. Of course, who else would you see but Mr. Judgemental, as you had decided to call him, sitting at the table with his nose buried in a book while he shovels cereal into his mouth.

Hongjoong looks up for just a second, long enough to make eye contact before looking back at his book. You steeled yourself, ready to be the cold, hard bitch you had just convinced yourself that you were. You opened your mouth, ready to start a fight, when instead you asked, “Are you going to that party San and Yunho are planning?” Hongjoong shrugged, not taking his eyes off of his book. “If you decide to go maybe we could carpool, or something. Ya know, saving the environment and all.”

“I’ll let you know,” he replied abruptly, quickly putting an end to the conversation. 

“Alright,” you said awkwardly as you grab a box of cereal out of the cupboard. “Well, have a good night.” And with that you all but sprinted back into the safety of your room, only a box of cereal in hand. 

Three days later and you were still rolling in self hatred over your multiple awkward encounters with Hongjoong. However, as the party that San and Yunho promised would be an “absolute rager” started in a little less than four hours, you were bound and determined to turn your luck around.

“What I need,” you said to yourself as you walked to your closet, “is a good fuck.” 

You nodded to yourself, a small smile growing on your lips in anticipation of the possibilities that the night might hold. You moved over to your phone, pressing play on your favorite playlist and dancing across your room. The words of your favorite song fall out of your lips as you glide across the floor while, unbeknownst to you, your smile is mirrored on the face of your roommate as he stops shortly in front of your door and gazes upon your lightheartedness. 

“You’re here,” San yells excitedly as you walk through the door, throwing his arms around you in a common drunk-San manner. Hongjoong had turned down your second offer of giving him a ride to the party, explaining that he wasn’t feeling up to the party scene, except in fewer words. You wrapped your arms around your best friend, telling him of your plan for the night. 

San’s eyes lit up. “Alright then, we have work to do. Let’s go!” He grabbed your hand, pulling you to the dance floor, or the area where people seemed to be dancing. You looked warily at the people that were packed into the room, pressed against one another and spilling alcohol everywhere. “Oh stop worrying. Here, drink this.” San handed you his cup and you took a swig, your eyes watering as you struggled to swallow the disgusting liquid.

“Are you drinking straight vodka,” you asked, your throat on fire.

“No,” San yelled back, “it’s gay vodka! Have some more!”

You rolled your eyes despite the smile growing on your face, taking one more swig before handing the cup back to San. He downed the rest of the drink before grabbing your hand once more, pulling you into the throng of partygoers. 

The amazing thing about parties is that reality is never quite what it seems - what feels like hours could be only minutes, and what feels like minutes have been hours. That’s how you feel when you unlock your phone for the first time since arriving and read the time: 2:38 AM. You groan inwardly, the night was escaping you and you had yet to find someone to give you what you needed. Thinking you weren’t drunk enough, you move towards the kitchen, getting into the hidden cabinet where San hides his favorite alcohol. Forgoing a cup, you pour the equivalent of at least 5 shots of vodka right down your throat and turn back to the crowd. 

You weren’t sure when it started, but all you were aware of was someone’s lips drunkenly crashing into your own. You opened your eyes slightly, wondering if you had somehow made a grave mistake and wound up kissing San. The good news: you weren’t kissing San. The bad news: you definitely recognized the man who was feverishly kissing you, but you couldn’t place from where. Knowing you were too drunk to think properly, you threw yourself back into the kiss - wrapping your arms around the stranger’s neck and pulling him closer to you. 

He pressed his body up against yours, pinning you to the wall as his hands moved to grab hold of your hips and pull them to his own. Your breath hitched as you felt his length against you, the anticipation of what was to come slowly pulling you out of your drunken stupor. His hands were desperate as they ran up your sides, and yours found themselves entangled in his hair. 

As the kiss grew in intensity, you found yourself searching for some type of friction, and rolled your hips against his in your search. A strangled groan escaped him as he pushed you back against the wall, his lips moving to your neck and leaving wet kisses down your skin. You reached down, placing your hand against his growing bulge and stroking his length through his jeans.

Another broken groan escaped his mouth as he whispered in your ear, “Two can play at that game.” You felt his hands slide down the sides of your thighs before moving towards your heat. The man, whose identity you still were not sure of, pushed your skirt up onto your stomach, revealing the lacy underwear that you had worn for this exact occasion. He moved his head from the crook of your neck, where it had fallen as you continued to try and rub him through his jeans, as he looked down at you. “Delicious.”

Your eyes shot open at his words, and you quickly looked down at his jeans. Your hands flew to the button, desperate to rid him of the material when you felt his fingers gently ghost over you. You bit your lip in frustration as your eyes fluttered shut once more, and you heard the man laugh breathily. “I wish I could see you like this all the time,” he whispered in your ear as he lightly traced his fingers along your thighs, inching closer to where you were desperate to have him touch, but not getting close enough. “You look so adorable all desperate and worked up, I wouldn’t mind seeing this every day.” 

Having enough of his teasing, your hand flew back to his hardened bulge, his pants unbuttoned but unmoved. You pushed his pants down his hips just enough to slip your hand into his boxers. He gasped loudly as you made contact with his throbbing member, and his fingers immediately pushed aside the barely-fabric of your panties and his thumb began rubbing circles onto your clit. Your eyes rolled back as he pushed a finger into you, his thumb never stopping. Your hand, which had started to haphazardly jerk him off, stuttered as your knees grew weak. 

“If I knew it was this easy to get you wet I would have done this ages ago baby girl,” the man groaned, his voice hitching every few words due to your actions on his length. He pushed another finger into you, and a deep moan left your mouth. Your free hand wrapped around the man’s shoulders, pulling him closer to you. 

“Do you like that?” You nodded quickly, biting your lip to keep endless moans from spilling out. “No, no, no. Let me hear you.” He moved his free hand up to your mouth and pulled your lip from between your teeth, before pressing his lips against yours. He began moving his hand faster to match your rhythm and he drank up every single noise you made. 

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight. Let’s just go home, hmm?” 

It was then that you realized, you recognized that voice. Your eyes flew open as you went to confirm your suspicions and suddenly wished it was San that you were kissing. There, with his fingers still working magic inside of you, and your hand still jerking him off, was Kim Hongjoong.

To say that the next week was tense would be an understatement. I mean, you regained your bearings in your best friends bathroom with your hands down your roommate’s pants and his down yours. And you didn’t even get to orgasm! You both tried to avoid each other as much as possible - which wasn’t an unusual thing for the household, but now under much different circumstances.

It was going into the second week of avoidance when you finally lost your patience. You walked into the kitchen, wanting an actual meal after days of eating nothing but snacks in an effort to stay locked in your room as much as possible, and saw Hongjoong standing at the counter, preparing his own food. You quickly turned around, ready to head back to your room, when you changed your mind. 

“No,” you said.

“No?” Hongjoong’s voice sounded utterly uninterested, but still teasing.

“No. This is my apartment, too. I’m not going to hide in my room until the lease is up just because you decided to shove your hands down my pants.” You turned and opened a cabinet, studying its contents.

“I did what?” Hongjoong turned towards you, looking at you like you were insane. “As far as I remember, I was just kissing you until you decided to start… to start rubbing on me!”

“Fuck you, I was drunk! I didn’t know what I was doing!”

“You think I wasn’t?”

“How the fuck should I know? I’m not your fucking nanny. And from the way you were moving I’m pretty sure you did know what the fuck you were doing.” After realizing what you just said, and pretty much admitting that Hongjoong was the source of the best fingering you had ever received, you felt your face heat up.

“I-” Hongjoong started, his mouth opening, and closing, as he struggled to find what to say in response. “I genuinely don’t even know how to respond to that.”

“Good, then just shut the fuck up!”

“I don’t know what kind of fucked up victim complex you have going on here, but like you said, I live here, too. I’m not going to put up with you yelling at me like I’m a child just because you’re frustrated that I could’ve given you the best orgasm of your life and you decided to freak out instead. Maybe you should go buy a vibrator or something, I hear their good for people who enjoy the sticks up their asses.”

“Speaking of asses,” you said, turning to face him. “You can kiss mine.”

“Fuck you. I will.”

“Fine.” You didn’t realize how close you had gotten, until you could feel his breath fan over your face. He looked down at you, not a sign of any emotion on his face, before grabbing your cheeks in his hands and pressing his lips against yours. You froze, unsure of how to react to the situation. After a few milliseconds of internal debate, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and kissed back. Hongjoong pushed you against the counter, his arms wrapping around you and trying to bring you as close to his body as he possibly could. It was minutes before you finally broke apart, the need for air outweighing the feeling of the kiss. 

“You know,” he whispered against your lips, “that was the stupidest fight I’ve ever had with anybody.”

You laughed airily before nodding your head in agreement. “You know, in the past 30 minutes you’ve spoken more to me than you have since you moved in. I really thought you hated me.”

He pulled his head away from you to look down at you incredulously. “I never hated you. Honestly, I’ve always thought you were so beautiful, from the day that San introduced us a couple days before I moved in. But you had a guy over the day after I moved in, so I took that as your way of saying that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me, and that I was just here to split the bills.”

It was your turn to look up at Hongjoong with disbelief written in your eyes. “So you’re telling me this entire time I could’ve been having amazing orgasms and not feeling awkward in my own home if I would’ve just clarified that I wasn’t implying anything with that one night stand?”

“Well, the blame is partially mine, too. I was definitely being oversensitive, there was no reason for me to act the way I have these past couple of months. But-”

“But?”

“But, I’m not a ‘no strings attached’ kind of person.”

“What do you mean?”

“Either you get the annoying, clingy side of me along with the amazing orgasms, or none of it.”

“Well,” you said, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I suppose I wouldn’t mind that 2-for-1 deal.”

Hongjoong smiled down at you before picking you up and carrying you to your room. “Now,” he began, “how about I give you that fuck you’ve been needing?”

Your face immediately warmed. “You heard me?”

“Absolutely, it was adorable. Now, should we begin?”

[alaina-achilles]

ii

challenge one

((sorry for the kinda short fic haha, I’m getting crazy busy with assignment deadlines smh. anyways thanks for the nice rp anna @arin-schreave. and love our rps as usual ana!! @itssara-oc @itzelbm-oc ))

The etiquette lesson was… uneventful. And I certainly was not ready to be thrown on so much information so early in the morning. Especially with an empty stomach. Luckily I’ve got that covered and ate a packet of oreos in my room before going out. And I’m also lucky I know most of the basics thanks to the gatherings my sisters and I are often forced to attend. My maids were really nice and they did my hair nicely and I opted for a simple and formal dress for the interview.

The interview.

I sigh as I think about it. To be honest, I’m quite… nervous. I've had many interviews in my life before and my mom has certainly prepared me well for each and every one of them. It’s not the cameras that worry me - I’ve had a few interviews with them before on my book and career… It’s the prince. I’m so used to knowing the interviewee well (by doing my research, of course) that I often know just what to say to please them and make them like me. But I know none of that about the prince.

I sigh and bite my lip and turn around to walk to the food when I see the girl I was hoping to see for the entire morning.

“Hey!” I say as a way of greeting. My friend looks up, sees me and immediately smiles.

“Achi!” I smile at the sound of my new nickname. Sara quickly pulls me into a hug. “that quick etiquette class was something…” she lowers her voice. “I'm sure I wasn't the only one who can feel the tense atmosphere.”

“I know what you mean... I’m glad I already know the basics... how are we supposed to learn all of that in one go” I agree with her, shaking my head as I feel sorry for those who have never learnt any of that before. We talk more about the class and decide to start piling food onto my plate. I hope nobody heard my stomach growl.

“You know I'm so tempted to ask to switch seats but I know it probably won't be the best idea.” Sara says as we groan about how far each other are.

I giggle at the thought of Sara asking another girl to switch seats. “yeah, i guess it’ll be a good chance for us to meet new people…” I frown as I stress about how I haven’t actually met anyone else yet. “Have you met any other girls yet?”

Sara chuckles. “I guess you can say that.” She cocks her head to the side and sighs “I've said a few words to some of them but I'm not sure anyone clicked with me like you. How about you?”

I smile at her words. “yeahh I havent really too…” I say with a shake of my head as I think of how I spent the whole night talking to my sisters instead of socializing. I turn to the drink selection and widen my eyes in awe. “I never knew there are SO many types of milk!”

“Ah milk something I wish I could drink but I'm lactose in tolerant” Sara replies with a giggle. “Anyway look at all the food. I'm just hoping to enjoy my time here!” She smiles, but for some reason, it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I don't feel like I'll last one. First of all the prince isn't in my opinion really aware that this is a selection, he has 35 girls hoping to ask for his hand in marriage. Second of all, as someone who was once thinking of marrying the so called love of my life I know he's not completely over his ex, and third there is going to be a lot of drama.”

I cock my head to the side as I think about her words, not expecting that. “Yeah I know what you mean... The prince doesn't seem happy at all.” I sigh. “I honestly don't know what to do with the interview later... hopefully he’ll find someone he can love and be happy about”

She shrugs in response. “I don't know how I'll introduce myself. I could smile and lie or tell him what I really think.” She bites her lip. “I really do hope he finds someone among these girls to make him happy. Or at least someone who would even remotely fall in love with him despite possibly being a rebound. Anyway, do you know who's gonna be at your table? Anyone you wanna be friends with?”

I nod at her words. “That’s true... I think I’d give him one chance, the interview, to see who he really is…” I say with a smile. Sometimes I forget that this selection goes both ways too. I’m not the only one who has to be liked by the prince. “I’m not sure but I think Itzel’s on my table... I haven't met her yet but she was sitting near me during the etiquette class so yeah. You?”

“I wish I could but I myself am in a similar situation as him. And I feel awful I took a place of someone who would have tried harder. Or at least wanted this. Anyways, I'll be cheering for you!!” She says with a smile. “What kind of vibes does she give? She seems cold and intimidating to me. Jen and Andromeda, and a couple more. They seems nice. I just hope I'll be able to make small talk.”

I thank her with a smile. “And I hope you also find the one you love and loves you back... “ I pause as I think about her question. “Itzel... I don’t know, she seems like a bit cool and we didn't say much just now. Hopefully some good food will cheer her up!”

We continue chatting about Itzel and other stuff as we continue to fill our plate. We finally decide to finish our conversation to go and enjoy our food after a short while. I tell her good luck with finding new friends.

She nods and gives me thumbs up. “I will try my best, Achi.” For some reason, I feel like she’s acting a bit off, but I brush it off as nerves from the interview. But as we walk away, I turn back around and mouth “thanks bun” to which she smiles in response. I sigh and look at my plate of food happily as I walk back to my table.

“Hi, Itzel, right?” I say to the girl near me.

She smiles politely, nodding in acknowledgement. “Hello and you are correct, I am Itzel.” She hums in thought as she looks at me. “I am trying hard to remember names and faces, I am bad at this so I am sorry for not quite knowing. I believe your name starts with an A, right?”

I brighten up at her guess. “Yup!! I’m Alaina!” I look at my plate. “How’s the food?” Food is always a good topic to start off.

She chuckles. “Well, it's a pleasure to meet you Alaina. It is delicious. There's quite a few things that are new to me so I'm very happy right now.. You'll enjoy the food very much. Are you excited to meet the Prince after this?”

I smile at her reply and take a bite of my food and widen my eyes. “this IS good!!” I laugh. “ I am! And also quite nervous”

We continue to talk more and I learn that Itzel is into neuroscience.

“Wow neurology and neuroscience... I did a few psychology courses in uni and I struggled so badly with the neuro stuff.” I tell her truthfully with a laugh. “You are one brave girl for wanting to do that.”

Itzel turns out to be super nice as we get to know each other. She also helped calm my nerves as we finished our lovely breakfast. I make a mental note to tell Sara about it.

“Anyway, let your other friend know I'm not THAT bad. I could see her shake every time she looked at me.” Itzel tells me as we stand up, seeming to have read my mind.  

“I definitely will!! And good luck on your interview with the prince!” I tell her with a laugh. She smiles and wishes the same to me and soon we are ushered into a waiting room. I look around to find Sara, but can’t see her as I scan the room a few times. I shake my head, she’s probably touching up in the bathroom. I sigh and before I can even choose a new girl to talk to, I’m called into the room.

I take a deep breath and hold my head high like Mom always tells us to as I step into the room filled with cameras. I smile at the cameras and try to keep my walking natural and elegant.

You can do this.

And if all goes wrong, blame your sister. She caused all of this anyways.

I hide my smile at the silly thought and turn my focus to the gorgeous guy that is the prince. While I may not know the prince well, one thing I know for sure. He is definitely good-looking. Despite the lack of a er genuine smile. He must not have been taught acting in his education. I think with a giggle as I keep my smile intact. I don’t miss him looking at my name tag. And I guess, he also didn’t take the time to learn our names.

“Good morning, Lady Alaina, please have a seat.” He says formally, motioning to the sofa.

“Good morning, your highness.” I say with a smile before pausing in slight anxiety. Do I curtsy or…? I decide to quickly bob into one before sitting down hastily. I can instantly hear my mom’s voice in my head.

Be professional, Alaina. Stop with the fidgeting nonsense. You’re a lady, Alaina. And don’t ever drop that smile. You know that’s one of your best physical traits.

Prince Arin sits down next to me gracefully and angles his body towards me. “How are you doing this morning?”

A simple and straight-forward question.

I place my hand on my lap as my mom has taught me to since I was a little kid. “I’m good. I met some of the other girls and that was quite interesting-” I answer. “And also what you’ve been doing the whole morning.” I add with a laugh. “How’s yours?”

He nods at me. “It’s going well, thank you. Did you sleep well?” I vaguely remember some random guy saying their morning had been bad but now that they’ve met me, theirs is perfect. I almost laugh at the memory.

Focus, Alaina.

“I didn't sleep for very long as I was busy talking to my sisters.” I tell him truthfully as I smile fondly at the thought of my sisters. “But the sleep is good, the bed is really comfy!”

He nods. “I’m glad you were able to speak with them. Big changes can be difficult.” His eyes go to the cameras then back to me. I wonder what is he thinking. Does he wish for them to be gone like I do? I wonder if he is different when away from the cameras. I catch myself almost frowning at the thought but quickly smooths my face back to the perfect smile. “Which province are you from?”

“Atlin.” Then I decide to try to make him smile. My friends laugh a lot at this alliteration. “Alaina Achilles of Atlin.”

He does not smile. “And what do you do in Atlin?” I almost frown again as I realize how factual his questions are. All of them should be written in my profile or something…

Maybe it’s all just for the cameras.

“I just got my degree and was in the process of finding a job. I ended up deciding to give writer another try.”

He nods again. “What kind of writing do you do?”

“Fiction…” I look a bit embarrassed as I think about my published book that I’m not very proud of. It was definitely not my best work. I sigh and lower my voice so that only he can hear. “Okay fine, y’all prolly have had people stalked us thoroughly so no point in hiding this... “ I say then louder “I wrote and published a book a few years ago.”

He does not just nod at this! “Oh.” He pauses as his head bobs. “What kind of book? I didn’t read your files so I’m not up to speed on your accomplishments.”

Guess the questions aren’t just for the cameras then.

I almost scoff at his choice of words. “Accomplishments” make this really sound like a job interview. Perhaps it is, in a way. So instead I act surprised and look down as I realize I have to tell him about my book in front of cameras. Not like the media doesn’t know about this already. “it’s a um teen romance…”

“I haven’t read any books from that genre but I’m sure it must be wonderful. Being published is an accomplishment.”

Accomplishment.

“It’s not... it’s a cheesy book written by a sixteen year old…” I peeks at him through my eyelashes. “I’m sure you’re gonna laugh if u ever came across it.”

And for the first time, he actually shakes his head instead of nodding it. “I tend to stick to non fiction so I think you’re safe.” He finishes with a weird expression that looks suspiciously like a ghost of a smile. I soften as I realize how much this is bugging him as it’s bugging me and decide to laugh it off to ease the tension.

“Well it’s actually called “the bad boy ruined my project” so I’m not really worried. Do you like reading?”

“I do, if I can find the time. Your book sounds like something my sister would enjoy.” He looks a teeny bit more relaxed as we talk about something less er formal.

I nod. “Well, then I’ll recommend it to her when I see her. Any favorite genres?”

“I’ll read mostly anything.” I almost roll my eyes at his answer that tells me nothing about him. He glances over at his watch then looks back to me. “Thank you for speaking with me this morning, Lady Alaina, it’s been a pleasure.” He says as he stands up.  “I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay.”

I instantly nod and stand up as well, relieved that this is finally over. “Thank you for your time, your highness. The pleasure’s mine.” I tell him with a smile as I awkwardly bob another curtsy. “You too.” I say as he just looks at me without any expression at all. I hold back a sigh and smile at the cameras again and give them a little wave as I walk back out of the room.

I take a deep breath the moment I step out of my room. I really need to talk to someone. That interview was… nothing that I ever had before. I think about going back into the waiting room, but I really am not in the mood of making small talk with other girls. So I decide to go back into my room. Since I’m one of the first few girls to have finished the interview, the halls should be nice and quiet.

As I walk up the stairs to my room, I hear a bit of hushing and then a closing of a door followed by the sound of the door locking. I ignore the sound as I walk past the first two rooms to my room. As I walk past Sara’s room. I pause. There seems to be someone else in the room with her… But I know for sure, she isn’t due to have her interview until later…

I shake my head and decide she has probably met a new friend. Despite myself, I can’t help but feel a bit sad. Even Sara’s making new friends, probably someone she enjoys the company of over me since I haven’t been to her room before. What am I doing here? I ask myself as I walk into my own room and unzip my dress.

Not bothering to pull my dress off, I reach for my phone and call my sisters.

[m0etenchandon]

I think you need to be punished, Ben (Reader x Ben Hardy)

Summary: Ben has been slacking around the house and Y/N is not having it so she decides to tie him to the bed and make him think twice before doing it again

Authors note: I was debating doing this with Joe, but I feel like Ben would be an even bigger sub if given the chance. Also, OMG, thank you for all the response and love on “A game of beer pong”. It´s honestly so overwhelming, and I cant thank you enough. Im sorry i havent replied to your comments but this is my side blog and Im terrifyed that the many people from irl that follow me on main will figure out how much of a hoe i really am on here

Pairing: Reader x Ben Hardy

Warnings: SMUT (pure filth), sub!ben, being tied to the bed, overstimulation, cumming in pants, unprotected sex (reader on birth control). 18+!

Word count: 2.9 K

Masterlist

You and Ben always had an agreement that when it comes to household chores, you would both contribute equally. However, he had recently been slacking in that department. Bowls of cereal in the sink, not bothering to throw his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, and coincidentally never being home when it was time to dust and vacuum. Obviously, he had a lot going on with awards season and interviews, but it wasn’t like he was never home either. He had plenty of time when you were off to your day-time job, but there was never dinner on the table or an empty dishwasher when you walked through that door. Most of the time he spent playing videogames online with Joe.

After slumping down onto the sofa after dinner, which you again had to cook, Ben went to pull you into his side. You however were mildly annoyed and sat back onto the other side of the couch.

“Is there something wrong, Y/N?”

“Nah, its nothing. I’m just having a rough day”

“Want to talk about it?”

You shook your head, knowing deep down that you were overreacting. Ben was so caring and attentive to your needs, he always listened when you complained. It was just that this was getting on your nerves, and you didn’t even know why.

“I know something I can do that will cheer you up, you know”. He had a smirk on his face as he inched closer. You didn’t push him away, always being a sucker for those kissable lips. You looked from them to his green eyes, then down to his lips again. Leaning in to give him a kiss, you closed your eyes. His lips moved slowly against yours, but the kiss didn’t last long. Ben left kisses at the corner of your mouth, your jaw, just under your ear, before moving down to your neck. He found your sweet spot, knowing fully where it was after two years of being together. Small moans left your mouth as he sucked gently, ever so slightly running his teeth over the sensitive spot as you pulled on the short hair at the nape of his neck.

Satisfied with his work, he pulled away and looked at you while caressing your cheek.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it, love?”

“Mmm, yes. Later, I promise”

You were still very much enjoying his sweet touching and little kisses, but there was still some annoyance left in your body. Normally, Ben would be quite dominating in bed, never letting you get the upper hand. However, there was something about having him a whimpering mess underneath you that made your heartbeat rise and wetness forming in your panties. You had never dared to speak your mind, but now he definitely needed to be punished.

“Actually, can we try something new today?”, you asked running a ringer down his shirt. His muscles tensed under your touch sending electric bolts straight to your core.

“Sure, anything for you my love”. He was back to kissing your neck earning a satisfied hum from the bottom of your throat. You stood up and held your hand out to him, beckoning him to come with you to the bedroom. Ben couldn’t keep his hands of you, clearly excited to hear what you had planned. His hands roamed your hips, over your boobs and across your thighs as you moved up the stairs to the master bedroom.

“What did you have in mind then miss Y/L/N”, he teased when you came to a halt at the end of your bed.

“Well, I was thinking that maybe I could be in charge this time”. He visibly gulped as you ran your hands over his chest and down his abs, stopping right before you reached the waistline of his sweatpants. It was your turn to nip at his neck, leaving small bites along his collarbones as well.

“Fuck, I won’t be able to keep my hands off you. You know that”. Ben tried to grab onto your waist, but you were quick to pull his hands away. He let out a low whimper. You already had him around your little finger.

“I know, I have a solution for that”

You walked over to your closet and pulled out the box that was stored into the very back. Pulling out a pair of handcuffs along with some ropes, you could practically hear Bens heartbeat going up. You also pulled out one of the vibrators that he had used on you countless of times. Smiling at the memory of the last time he had made you cum 5 times in a row with it, you walked over to him again. You put the vibrator and the ropes down on the dresser but dangled the handcuffs from your pinky.

“I think it’s your time to try these”, you teased. He slowly nodded staring at you, his eyes growing several shades darker. His breath was deep and fast, and you could already see a slight bulge in his pants. Your fingers ghosted along his waistline before tugging at his t-shirt. He lifted his arms and let you pull it off him. You bit your lip at the sight of him in front of you, never getting used to the way his muscles tensed, the lines disappearing into his pants and the little trail of hair leading way to his favorite body part.

Pushing him onto the bed, you started to crawl up his body. Settling on straddling his stomach, you grabbed one of his hands and put it inside one of the cuffs. Next, you slid it through one of the poles of the head board of the bed before locking his other hand into place.

“Is this okay baby? Do you remember our safe word?”

“Y-yes, fuck this is so hot. Please touch me”, he begged. Simply smirking at how desperate he already sounded, you let your lips fall to his neck again. Now that he was unable to touch you, you sucked harshly onto the skin just below his ear knowing it drove him crazy. His hips bucked into thin air and moans left his mouth. You giggled and let your lips fall on top of his. He kissed back with lust and neediness in the way his tongue made its way into your mouth. You, however, were not having it and pulled away. He tried to stretch his neck and kiss you again, but you had already moved down towards his chest. You left kisses across his collarbones and down towards his defined pecks. Leaving small kisses next to his nipples, whines fell from his mouth. Never having tried to touch his nipples before during sex, you decided to nip at them gently, earning loud moans from your boyfriend. He was completely wrecked, and you hadn’t even got to the fun part yet.

“Fuck, b-babe. P-p-please, touch me. Do s-something”, he whimpered. You started to kiss down his stomach, going between his abs. Once you reached his happy trail, you let your tongue lick small kitten licks down towards his pants. His bulge poked your chest as you bent down and Ben thrusted his up, desperate for some sort of pressure on his aching cock.

“Now Ben, you need to be a good boy and not move for me okay?”

He frantically nodded as you grabbed the ropes from the bed side table. You tied each of his legs to a bed post before moving off the bed yourself. While Bens eyes were all over you hot like a fire, you started removing pieces of clothing. Making sure to sway your hips a little extra, you shimmied out of your skinny jeans before pulling off your jumper. Now that the only clothing that covered you were a bra and panties, you crawled over to him on the bed. You settled yourself over his crotch earning a whimper from him. You were driving him insane with every movement and you were enjoying every second.

“You’ve been a very bad boy lately, Benny. Leaving dirty dishes in the sink, dirty socks on the bathroom floor, driving me insane. You know I hate when its messy in the house, yet you still sit on the couch playing video games with Joe all day”

You had started moving your hips over his hard length and he was looking at you with a pleading look in his eyes.

“I think you need to be punished, don’t you baby?”

“Please, I-I swear I will pick up the slack. Just please, fuck, t-touch me. I’m so hard it hu-urts”

“But I am touching you baby” you cooed.

“Naughty boys don’t deserve to be sucked off. Its either this or nothing”

He let out a long whine, tugging at the handcuffs. Loving the effect you had on him, you moved your hips harder. His cock was pulsating through the fabrics separating the two of you, profanities leaving his mouth. He had never been this hard in his life and it turned you on like crazy. Wetness had seeped through your panties and onto his sweat pants, forming a wet patch just above the tip of his bulge. Ben looked down to where you were rubbing yourself against him and moaned at the sight.

“You want me to stop baby?”

“N-No please don’t. Fuck, I think I’m gonna c-cum Y/N”

“Yeah? Are you gonna cum in your pants like a horny teenager? Gonna cum from me just rubbing my wet pussy all over your crotch, baby?”

His eyes had closed, and the rest of his face was red and sweaty from the contact with his cock. Determined to get him to cum, you scraped you nails down his chest. He was a whimpering mess underneath you, desperately trying to buck his hips up towards yours to get some more friction. He was at the very edge when you leant down to whisper in his ear.

“Be a good boy and cum for me. I know you want to, baby. Maybe then I will let you fuck me. Do you want that, baby? Want my warm, tight pussy around your aching cock? Want to feel my walls clench around me as you make me cum. Your cock always makes me cum so hard?”

That was all it took. Ben screamed out your name as he came. Tears were threatening to leave his eyes as he rode out his orgasm. You placed a few kisses on his chest before moving to get off of him. The patch on his crotch that was once just your wetness was now accompanied by another much darker one. Bens chest was moving up and down at a rapid pace as he tried to regain his breath.

“I can´t believe you just made me cum my pants”, Ben said still breathless. He was so embarrassed.

“Oh, I think it was really hot. So hot in fact that I´m literally dripping”. You got off the bed and slid your panties off before unclasping your bra. Ben was pleading to touch you, his eyes darker than ever. You moved up his body, placing your pussy just out of the reach of his tongue. He pulled at his restraints, desperately wanting to taste you. He could see how wet you were for him.

“Please let me taste you, love. You always taste so fucking good”

“Hmm, I don’t know if you deserve it yet”, you teased. You moved forward a bit so that his tongue could barely touch your clit, making you shudder at the contact, before moving back.

“You like that, baby?”

“Yes, please Y/N, I need more”

You moved a forward a bit further, this time enough for him to drag his tongue through your folds. He pushed his tongue into you as far as he could go and lapped up all your juices. You completely forgot who was in charge as he started sucking at your clit, slightly grazing his teeth over the sensitive nub. You were rocking against his mouth chasing your high. He was moaning against your heat, sending shivers up your spine. You abruptly pulled away from him earning a whine from Ben. His chin and mouth were glistening with your juices and it took all you had to not sit right back down on his pretty face.

“I need you inside me, Ben”

“Y/N shit, I can’t, I’m too sensitive”

Ignoring his pleas, you tugged his pants and boxers as far down his legs as they would go while still being tied to the bed posts. His cock was still wet from cum and he was half-hard.

“You sure, baby? I really need it, and by the looks of it, you want it too”. You traced a finger over the prominent vein on his shaft, making him shiver. His cock started to stir. You had him completely under your spell as you lent down and kitten licked at the cum around his tip. It was all too much for Ben, who was tossing and turning on the bed. Taking his tip into your mouth and sucking lightly, his hips bucked up making his cock hit the back of your throat. You immediately let him slip out of your mouth.

“I just told you naughty boys don’t get sucked off, and yet you push your big cock right down my throat”

“Babe, I’m so s-sorry”

“I think you should show me how sorry you are by letting me ride you. Don’t you think that is a good idea, baby”

“Shit, please, I’m too sensitive”

You reminded him to use the safe word if it was too much, before lining him up with your entrance. All the teasing had got you all riled up and you were so wet he slipped in with no resistance. You kept eye contact with your boyfriend as you slid down onto his hard cock. Tears were pricking at his eyes as he bottomed you out. He was so sensitive, yet it felt so good he didn’t want you to stop. You took a minute to get used to his big cock, before lifting your hips and quickly slamming back down again. Ben was a moaning mess underneath you as you picked up the pace. You lent down to press a kiss to his mouth, but he immediately deepened it, craving the intimacy. Your orgasm was slowly creeping up on you, feeling the pit in your stomach grow tighter. His lips left yours, the kissing taking too much of his energy. He whispered sorry´s into your ear as you let your head fall onto his chest. You could tell he was close as his breathing became uneven.

“Are you gonna cum for me again, baby”

“Fuck, yes Y/N. It f-feels so g-good”

You grabbed the neglected vibrator from the bed side table and placed it against your clit. You were so riled up that it pushed you right towards the edge. Bens eyes nearly popped out of his eye socket at the sight before him. He threw his head back in ecstasy as he came, you follow shortly behind when you felt hot ropes of his cum coat your walls. You clenched around him as you came down, riding out your own and his orgasm. He was so sensitive by this point that a tear actually escaped his eye. A yelp left his mouth as he slipped out of you, the friction being too much for him. Leaning down to him, you kissed away the tears on his cheek before giving his lips a soft kiss. You unlocked his handcuffs as well as the ropes tying his feet. His arms immediately wrapped around you as you put your head on his chest.

“You okay?”, you asked tracing small circles on his chest. He kissed the top of your head.

“Yeah, it was just a lot. In a good way though. And I’m sorry for being lazy around the house. Seriously, I´ll do better. I promise, love”

“It’s okay. Besides, I´ll just have to punish you again if you don’t pick up your slack”, you smirked as you looked up at him. A flash of panic swept his features before they softened.

“Hmm, I did enjoy this whole scenario, but I think that next time you should be the one that’s tied up”

“Do you now? Don’t know if I dare after what I just put you through. You might be revengeful”

“You´ll just have to find out, won´t you”, he teased leaning down to give you a quick kiss.

“Maybe I´ll just abstain from sex and I won´t have to worry about that”

“Yeah, and that will last for about 2 days before you can’t say no to this anymore” he gestured at his torso and then down to his cock.

“You’re so full of yourself”, you pushed his chest laughing.

“I´m not wrong though, and you know it, love”

“I know.. it’s a curse really”

“Sure it is, it’s hard having orgasms every night”

“You´re such a wanker, Ben”

“But I´m your wanker”, he pulled you so close you could barely breathe. You laughed and pushed him away from you.

“You´re lucky you’re cute or I would have kicked you out of my bed right now”

“You know you love me”

“Unfortunately, I do, you dork”

“I love you too, Y/N”, Ben said, placing a sloppy kiss to your lips. You smiled against him and kissed him back.

Part 2

Masterlist

[shirts181]

Random life vent

I remember being really happy as a kid/teenager, everything was awesome, always had friends and family around and did cool stuff, didn’t overthink about anything just lived my life as it came day by day. Not anymore. Before i dive into this, there’s going to be so many things im going to miss or havent remembered thats probably vital or important in relation to what im saying and as im re-reading over it ill realise i havent added something so yeah just a heads up, im a guy in his mid 20′s, majority of this my friends now dont even know about and i couldnt even imagine trying to explain all this shit to somebody i know, i guess thats why im here lol, i want to add and not sure if its related to how i turned out or not but growing up i was always on the shy side, wasn’t super shy but like when i would do shit like do a class presentation by myself id always go red and blush and sometimes get teary, not that i was sad or upset, id just get fucking teary like a dickhead lol, would use my hands when i talked and just overall looked like a nervous wreck. I was comfy around friends and family, could do whatever, didnt really care, if anything i felt like an extrovert around them, but when it came to being in situations i didnt know anybody, i plainly would just say nothing, not make an effort to really engage in conversation, just lay back and wait for that situation to be over til i was with my friends. If somebody approached me id obviously talk to them and whatever but rarely would i be the person initiating anything like that, was a bit of a idiot like that growing up lol. I’ve always been the person who wanted everyone to be happy, i was always oblivious to how other people like my friends had family or whatever issues growing up and the REAL impact it has on them, like divorced parents or they dont know their mum or dad or whatever that stuff, i knew people with depression and anxiety growing up and i was always open to talk to people about it, i LOVED being the friend to speak to if anybody was feeling like shit or wanted to vent, it made me feel really appreciated and id been given this trust to listen to what they have to say, like i might be able to make them feel better about what they had to say regardless of if i could properly help/change their circumstances and problems, but maybe put a smile on their face and make them laugh and let them know it’ll be ok without even being sure if it would, but i never would say that and 100% know it would be ok, but by saying that it might just give them some hope that things CAN be ok and they then believe it can change for the better. From the age of 16 i was super self conscious, i cared what people thought of me, not that im a super ugly guy or had anything dramatically wrong looks wise or how i was, but more so for me maybe like saying something and somebody over hearing it and me being like “oh fuck i should of said that” because it might sound bad or like having pimples (probably same as every teenager ever lol) or a bad hair day (literally) kinda thing. I cared how people portrayed me, i wanted everyone to know i was just average person who just wanted everybody to be happy, i made conscious decisions on what i said to who and where i said it, clothes i would wear depending on where i was going and who might see me, that stuff was like a necessity in my life, i wasn’t like ocd about that stuff because sometimes id be in situations where i know id be judged but still followed through, but something about me just fuckinggggg hated having somebody look at me a certain way and portray me differently to who i really am. I just re-read that and holy shit lol i sound like an idiot the way i’ve said what i’ve said, this is another thing about me maybe saying something and not accurately making it out to sound how i intend it to sound. Whatever rofl, now the real shit. I got diagnosed by a psych with anxiety when i was 18, this was the beginning of my mental downfall from then to this day. About 6-7 months of solid anxiety i could barely leave my house, was scared for no fucking reason, dont even know why, all i remember is my heart beating like crazy and feeling like i was going to pass out or whatever. This would happen mainly in social situations during and before even seeing others/doing things. I would work myself up to the point of crying, getting hives/being itchy everywhere on my body, nervously shaking and visually just looking terrified. I couldn’t drive properly because i’d get panic attacks and id feel like im about to pass out and i cant escape cos im trapped inside a car, traffic was the worst especially when i was alone, there was numerous times that i fucking cried in my car before and after id pull over to relax myself, how stupid is this shit? Why does this happen to people, how does this shit happen to ME, i dont even get why this all is even happening, im not an unhealthy person by any means so im not sick and didnt have symptoms of any illness, wtf is going on. How the fuck do i get over this, ended up seeing a psych because i had no idea wtf was wrong with me, bring in my diagnosis of having anxiety. While i was at home, i would hardcore grind out games on my computer, it made me feel normal and not like absolute shit, dont know why but at the time thats all that made me not feel like absolute shit and scared of being outside in the world. I took pills for this, tried to be active by exercising, playing sport and making an effort and forcing myself out of the house. At the start it was absolute torture, i didn’t ever think i’d get over this, it was that bad. I was on medication, couldn’t tell you what one because i just dont remember and never payed attention to medication names etc. Fast forward 6-7 months, i am actually feeling ok, i apply for jobs, go to job interviews with ease, im actually feeling really good like im making improvements in my life and progressing correctly by taking the next step, something i wouldn’t of thought of doing months earlier. I ended up getting a job and it was like a weight off my shoulders, i was excited, my parents were super happy with me for how far that i had come, i felt good as, potentially like im on track to success in living my life and being able to feel good again. As i got this job i was confident in going out and felt like i could properly just do shit, like i could be me again. This lasted about 15 months, i was ok to drive, i NEVER had a panic attack during this 15 months, i felt good af, when i drove i would even laugh at myself be like “why tf was i panicking? why was i such an idiot and getting worried over shit that cant and wont effect me and make me feel scared? why would i care about those things”, even in like social situations same thing, it was great. It all started to come back, slowly it like bloody crept its way back to being bad, but at this stage i was in denial, i was like na i can get over this i dont need to see anybody, but realistically i probably needed to. To this day i’ve never seen a psych about it, for the last 4-5 years ive almost just adapted to knowing im going to have panic attacks and feel like shit, iv learnt to cope and deal with it myself, the thought of me taking pills for this again scares me, why would i want to take pills to get better again when once i feel good, come off them, id get back into this state of mind and feel anxious again, and then repeat, why the fuck, seriously, why the fuck would i put myself into this potential scenario, i say potential because its a possibility, but thats not a risk im willing to take, people get addicted to this shit, ultimately what im trying to say is i dont want to be that person that gets reliant on taking pills to just having a functioning mind that doesnt make me feel scared and afraid, why cant i just shake this off? is there something im not doing? wtf is the cure to this shit? i know its not the pills because i dont want to become reliant on medications to make me happy. Im pretty convinced im depressed too, iv had serious thoughts about suicide, but i dont think im somebody who could actually commit to it, and if i was, i would probably make the decision to speak to somebody, but im stuck in a mindset where im not going to die from it, but i feel like shit all the time, i dont want meds, i dont know how to fix where im at pretty much, theres things that have happened to me the last couple years which have convinced me im a bad partner in a relationship, not for things i do but for what i unintentionally didnt do, im not a fulfilling boyfriend, ive either never obviously met the right girl for me or im just not fit to be a boyfriend, and thats what i think, how can somebody commit to me but im to stressed and worried about how my commitment to them might not be enough? the constant worry of not being a good boyfriend, when all i really want is for everything to be ok and happy, not that if things arent good or happy that thats a bad thing, i totally understand not everything is perfect and there are shit things that happen to people or in the world thats always going to happen, but i feel like, mainly with my last ex girlfriend, i felt like i was in a competition half the time to compete and get reassurance i was being a good boyfriend because i didnt know anything else, i was locked into this relationship i felt i couldnt escape, i so badly wanted out but was sucked into the mindset that if i left id have nothing and couldnt be with anybody because shes the only one who would be with me cos she already is, how the fuck do i overcome this, how do i get out? Its been a year since she ended up breaking up with me and pretty much for those reasons, i wasn’t up to par with her standards, i wasnt her dream boyfriend, for somebody who accepted my past issues with anxiety and letting her in on all my personal shit, if somebody who i thought cared for me leaves me, how could i ever convince or even get another girl to be with me knowing i have this weight and baggage of being a potential let down and not being able to be the person she needs me to be?  Writing all this i thought id feel better but i kinda still feel like shit. I weighed up deleting this, i had it all highlighted ready to backspace and alt f4 this but fuck it i might regret not posting this, i guess thats why im here anyway. If you read all this sorry for the random bullshit, i re-read it and i sidetracked myself hard from what i was originally going to say but im kinda tired and was literally just typing anything that came to my mind andddd yeeeeaaaahhh.. peace