#i havent had consistent therapy in over 18 months i think at this point | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

figuringouthowtobehere · 4 years ago

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please dont reblog this

i dont have many ppl to talk to. so here i am, screaming into the void that is my tumblr again.

im mostly posting this because im alone. im really really fucking alone. and im hoping i might, idfk, make a solid, trustable connection from tumblr??? idfk. im alone in the world.

please dont reblog this

cw family issues, su*cidality, abandonment, abuse, childhood abuse, trauma, being alone in the world

i have no one to go to. my entire life since i was a baby all ive ever been able to do is survive at the skin of my teeth. and here i am, 20, breathing, trying so fucking hard to live and, idk if im succeeding. im doing my film shit which is cool but. im alone. im on my own. im alone in the world. i never had parents. like, obviously i had parents, but they were never parents, dyou know what i mean? like the people who genetically made me were around but they were abusing me or just being awful or refusing to listen to me about what i needed from them, from their parenthood.

i had a conversation with my mom yesterday (after two days of not being able to get a hold of her and really really needing to) and i was basically just like ‘why cant you be my mom’ and she was like ‘i am your mom’ and i was like ‘well, yeah, but youre not--you cant--you dont mother me. and you dont mother me in the ways i need you to.’ and she was like ‘what does that look like to you?’ and i said ‘someone who i can turn to, always, someone who has my back no matter what, someone who respects me and what i need and who listens to me and trusts my experience and, yeah, someone who i can turn to always’ and she said ‘i mean i can talk with you on the phone, i can tell you what i think you should do, i can try to give you advice from my experience, but as far as someone having your back 24/7 always, i cant do that’ and we ended up talking about how im an adult now - and she was talking about it in the sense of ‘youre a grown man now, you dont need your mom like that anymore’ - and im like ‘ya, i am basically a grown man but i still need my mom. i still need parents.’ and i think im gonna end up cutting contact with her again because its too hard to simultaneously grieve her not being the mom i need and also talk to her. if im not talking to her then i can deal with the idea that i dont have a mother, that i dont have parents and i probably never will.

ive never really had people. i never really had friends when i was a child and i dont really have friends now. maybe its cause im trans, maybe its cause im autistic, maybe its cause im mixed, i dont know, but generally people in the world dont like me or it takes them a long time to not hate me. it doesnt matter why right now the point is i never had people (like, a support system) and i dont now.

so yeah im pretty seriously thinking about killing myself (or, trying to anyway). i dont wanna die but ive spent my whole life trying to just. be a person. and find contentment. and everything in my life ends up going awful or causing me a lot of trouble at some point or another. ive come to expect it. whenever anything happens in my life im just like ‘when will this go wrong. how long will it take this time.’ and im alone. im just fucking on my own. and i know theres lots of people who are and have been more alone than i am/have been and i admire these people so fucking much like GO YOU!! YOUFUCKING DID IT!!! HELL YEAH! im so proud of u. for real, i have so much respect for all yall reading this who have made it through shit and made it through being alone in the world. you fucking got this. youre doing it. good fucking job!!!!! ✨ but then. idk ig it doesnt take away from this being incredibly fucking difficult for me. pretty much everything in my life was fucked from birth to age 18 and now over half of everything in my life is fucked. which is better, for sure, but its still. ive never had a chance. idk it just seems to me like it doesnt matter. i can try and try and do all the therapies and take all the psych meds a psychiatrist might give me and i can meditate all the time. it just seems like im Doomed. (WOW i sound dumb and childish) like ik logically this is probably incorrect, that im not actually just.. doomed but thats how it feels. whenever a good thing happens im just waiting for it to collapse on me. and usually it does in way or another. generally not because of anything ive done or havent done, it just ends up being shit.

and then. ive never had anyone. i dont have anyone. im alone in the world. like its not that im ignoring people i do have or choosing to omit them from my mind right now. i have a singular friend in the place where i live; my other two friends both live in the states. i live with someone who was a support for me until like last ... july or so, i think, who now makes me feel like shit (they arent being malicious its just a bunch of issues in our relationship. theres more on that in stuff ive posted before, if you feel like digging through my posts for a while go ahead and youll find more on that) and i have like 5% (out of 100%) trust for them. i have a therapist who i see once a week and ik shes invested in me, but thats her job. and i cant just call her whenever i want. i have several people for film stuff but theyre either just casual pals and then colleagues or just colleagues. i know a lot of people, who dont really show any investment in me as a person or their relationship with me and who i dont really click well with. and thats it.

and im so. im so in love with Film. all of it. (not The Film Industry obviously.) im so fucking in love with it. the only real concrete reason that i wont end up killing myself in the next like month or two is because Film. and i just. need. people. i need parents. or something. fuck.

i think part of this is probably the long-term ramifications of ongoing childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse and never really having good, consistent support cause id be surprised if that didnt fuck with my brain (and, yk, untreated severe childhood brain damage from tbis beginning at less than a year old). but it doesnt really matter does it. ive been through the shit time and again and its not like anyone has appeared and been like ‘hello, i see you never had parents, this is who i am, would you like to get to know each other for a while and maybe i could be your mom?’ cause thats literally what i need. i need parents. like i know theres a thing of ‘if you didnt have parents then you cant undo that damage’ but like idk. if someone has a bunch of unhealed broken bones that got broken years ago that are now causing them a lot of pain you wouldnt just be like ‘sorry, i see youre in trouble from this shit, but because it happened years ago theres nothing we can do’ cause there is??? i forget how i was gonna say this before but like. i didnt have parents. with the ‘parents’ i had its a scientific anomaly i lived past age three. i refuse to believe that having Good Parents and a Good Support System now would do nothing for me. cause it would.

im also facing impending homelessness due to a) welfare/disability programs not giving you enough to live off and b) not having a roommate/not having support systems/not having people. so that doesnt help.

i dont know how to do this. im on my own. im doing all i can. ive reached out to everyone i feel like i could reach out to and. im on my own.

help. i guess. idk what that means but im, once again, at an incredibly fucking AWFUL point in my life and i need help. i doubt anyone will be able to but. if youre able to then. idk. do something. ik that i sound desperate and pitiful and i literally dont care at all because i literally am desperate for support and i literally am at - ANOTHER - extremely low point in my life and its pitiful. im cringing at myself actually posting this because its like ‘you think youre actually find what you need via a tumblr post? where are you? cause thats not real life dude’ but i dont fucking have people to talk to (as you have already understood 🙃) and im tired and tired and tired and tired.

if you took the time to read this i thank you and i hope ur day is going vvv well

please dont reblog this!!

#childhood abuse tw #tw #tw alone in the world #suicide tw #please dont reblog this #no rb #homelessness tw

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spookyenemyperson-blog · 6 years ago

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Eckley Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80727

"Eckley Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80727

Eckley Colorado Cheap car insurance quotes zip 80727

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Ive been doing quite alot of online quotes with comparison websites lately and I have noticed some of the insurers with the cheapest prices have disappeared... is this because I have done this loads of times? Or am I blacklisted. Im just worried as my insurance this year was 2300 and I will not be able to afford that again! It is only this high due the age of being 19. And also I have tried to go onto elepahant, admiral and even diamond to do quotes on there websites but i got a message appear saying I had to ring them as they were unable to do a quote for me online""

What car would cost more to insure?

A used 2003, 2005 Mercedes Benz C230 or a New Mitsubishi Lancer? im a teen and yes i kno insurance is expensive and so thats why im asking b4 i get a car.""

Car insurance...?

I am thinking about buying a 1999 ford fiesta sometime. I have opted for a 5 door car rather than a 3 door car. I have heard of some people paying up to 3k per year for insurance. How much difference roughly in terms of would having 5 doors make in stead of 3? And what would be the difference rouughly between insuring a car with a 1.8 diesel engine than something like a 1.4 diesel engine? I want to get a car when I have passed my driving test.

Insurance and meds HELP Please?

Any advice would be helpful first my story I have meds that cost $1000 every month. I need insurance I have not had insurance since Peach-care about 3 years ago My job offers insurance for $2.50 a week my jobs insurance covers everything but my meds I get my meds for free with a prescription saving program I only make around $900 a month If I get my company insurance I no longer qualify for my free med program Any advice? I miss Peach-care they covered $100% of everything for only a few dollars. Is their any insurance that would cover 100% of my meds and dental, vision etc for no more than $100 a month?""

How much does a california speeding ticket and no insurance will cost?

My friend jst bought a car from sacramento and i was driving it since it was manual he was jst learning and i was speeding in the freeway on a 70 went 86 and i got pulled over .. with no insurance since we were going to transfer hes old insurance in hes old car to this new one toyota xrs 06... how much will it cost me for the ticket and the no insurance please help me i have no idea what to do ?

How do I get insurance for my new car?

Ok so I've been in the market for a new car and I've pretty much decided on a Honda Civic. I'm trading in the car that I currently have insurance for. Obviously you have to have insurance to drive off of the lot in your new car..So do I have to get all new insurance for my new car? How do I do that when I don't even have the vin or anything? Or does my current insurance count? Please help! Thanks

Why does the insurance cost more for a higher litre engine?

I know a higher litre engine can obtain more air and fuel in its cylinders but why does this change the insurance price , is it because faster cars have higher litre engines""

Advice on teen car insurance ?

I'm 18, from Ontario and have had my G2 for over a year now. I was in a deathly car accident in january on the highway because of really bad weather conditions, I'm lucky to be okay. The cop didn't charge me because the weather was so bad and there were a number of car accidents that week. However the insurance company faulted me because I spun out first. Its been 2 months and my dad has done nothing but complain about his car being wrecked. He blames me 100% for the accident even though I hit black ice and there was nothing I could do, and he wasn't even there... For my 18th birthday my grandad (his dad) is giving me $10,000 for a car. My dad is making him wait to give it to me and he won't take me car shopping ! And when I do get one he's not putting me under his insurance ! I have to insure my own car at 18 with only a part time job. Is this unfair? Not being able to drive has been a huge hassel. What are the cheapest cars to insure ? I can drive standard so there's no limitations. What's the best insurance companies ? How much do you think it would be ? Also I'm going to college in Florida next year on an athletic scholarship so what is insurance like down there ?""

What is the best insurance company to go through for motorcycle insurance?

If I lie to my insurance company about who lives with me is that considered insurance fraud?

I have a relative who lied about who lived with her on her insurance application even though it does not affect her insurance and I was just wondering would that still be considered insurance fraud.

What steps are needed to obtain a license to sale Insurance in the State of California?

I have a college degree, but just had a baby and I'm looking to obtain a license to sale Insurance for when my son gets older so I can have a flexible schedule. What is the process in the State of California to obtain a license to sale Insurance? (car insurance, business insurance, home insurance, etc.) Is there a seperate license for each kind of insurance? or does one license cover all of them? Also, what are the steps to obtain a license? Any information would be great! (also, how long is the process of obtaining a license?)""

Registered my private car reg with DVLA but insurance companies can't find it?

I bought a private plate for my car and have registered it with DVLA and received my new tax disc. My new V5 arrived today but when going to change my car reg online with my insurance company .. they dont find my car reg and basically put a new quote through for my car and it increases my insurance premium. The company i am with is Quote Me Happy and is an online company i tried to run a new insurance quote through Go Compare and it doesnt find my car reg? What's going on and what can i do? I want to put my new private plate on as soon as possible ... :(

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Insurance rate?

Hi, in the summer i'll be driving soon. Can anybody tell me how much I would have to pay to be insured for 6 months by Farmers? I'm 17, and I'm not eligible for the Good Student discount. I heard that my insurance rate would be cheaper if my parents add me to their policy. I'll probably be driving a 1990-1997 Mazda Miata MX-5. Also, what's a good, cheap auto insurance company do you guys recommend for teenagers?""

Quick insurance quotes with no personal info?

Hi, I'm doing some research into what I want my first car to be. I've narrowed it down to the original Golf GTI, original Mini Cooper S and the Peugeot 205 GTI. I love all these cars but I need to insure them for a 17year old boy. I am a careful driver but you know how expensive insurance is. I live in the UK and want a quick insurance quote without having to put in all my details such as where I live. Any websites that can let me do this? Thanks!""

A question about car insurance?

I am 18 and i just got my G.E.D. and I'm looking for a job. I do not have a drivers license so i was wondering how much will it cost me for car insurance per month when i get it.

What's the best car insurance?

im looking for a car insurance that's cheap (affordable) so which one is the best one? That covers what the DVM ask for

Average Insurance Cost For Pest Control Business?

On Average What Is The Cost Of Insurance Of A Pest Control Business In Florida?? Thanks.

What is the cheapest/best home insurance right now?

my home insurance just went up from roughly $800 to $1300 a year! Is their a better, more affordable one out there? Thanks""

Do insurance companies look into your driving record?

When getting an auto insurance quote they ask if you have any major violations. Do they only know if u tell them, or will they eventually find out of u lie?""

Cancelling car insurance?

I currently have car insurance through State Farm and I pay $318 a month. I looked into 21 Century insurance and the quote says I will be paying about $180 a month. My current insurance expires June 11th but my next bill is due May 25th. How do I go about buying/cancelling insurance? I would like to cancel State Farm by May 20th and begin my new insurance that day so I won't have to pay those crazy premiums anymore.

What kind of car details will lower the cost of insurance?

I have to buy a car and the insurance will be costing more than the actual car. Some factors I can't change like the fact it will be my first year with a full GB licence, my gender, age, where I park it, etc. But when considering the car I will buy, what factors might lower my insurance costs? Keeping in mind my price range for the car is 450-900 pounds, - what makes/models are hardest/easiest to break into? - what security devices would make a difference to the cost of my insurance, and how much would they cost? - what year of car is considered to be built more securely than in the past? (harder to break into...I understand older cars are easier to break into, but what is the general cut-off line of old ?) - style or colour of car? - any other factors?""

Motorcycle insurance requirements in KY?

My son is financing a motorcycle through HSHB. If he gets full coverage its $1000 a year. If he gets just liability is $400 a year. The dealer says he doesn't have to get anything but Liability in Kentucky. He has extended 36 month warranty plan. His bike cost $4000. My son wants to get just liability. My question is will he have any coverage if someone steals his bike if he doesn't have full coverage?

What penalities will I get having invalid car insurance?

Two nights ago police stopped me when I was delivering food and checked my insurance details. I had insurance for social purpose only. They told me to change my insurance to business insurance and they let me go with warning. Last night same guys stopped me again and again they checked my car and found me delivering food. Luckily they let me go again but they reported of the offense. What will happen now? will I get points or fine or what?

What is the normal procedure for a car accident without insurance?

3 weeks ago I hit a womans car in Sydney with my friends 4WD. I did not have any insurance on my side and now the woman's insurance wants me to pay for the damage. They gave me a call saying the damage was AU$ 5760 but if I would pay AU$ 2900 in the next 4 weeks that would be it for me. Now Insurance companies are not known to be humanitarian organisations so why would they let me get away with less money? I also talked to an Australian friend today who said the woman's insurance would have to give me three quotes on how much the repair of the car would be before they start doing anythin. Being a traveller I feel like the Insurance company tries to take advantage of my minimum knowledge of Insurance issues. So could someone please explain me the usual procedure for something like this?

What is the cheapest Auto insurance I can get?

I'm 23, just got my license, i have a Honda civic year 2002, I live in Illinois.""

Dispute Car insurance claim estimate - Tiny paint mark

I lightly bumped the car in front of me and left a tiny red mark from my license plate. When I got out of the car I could rub the paint off with my finger, but I could tell the other driver was uncomfortable with me touching his car so I stopped. He said he wasnt going to file a claim but he did and the estimate for fixing his car was $641 Dollars!!!!!! Since this is over the $500 limit my insurance has for no penalty, if i do not pay this out of pocket my insurance will go up by $250 a year for 6 years. WHAT CAN I DO? I want to dispute this because there is no way it would cost that much to rub the red paint off. Thanks in advance!""

Insurance for teens ?

I just recently got my g2 and I was just wondering if I can drive with out insurance and if not what are the consequences if I get caught by the police. And can I drive on the highway with out the assistance of an experienced driver. Btw I live in Ontario, Canada.""

How many percentage in texas citizens buy life insurance?

how many people in texas buy life insurance.

What is the cheapest car to insure for a 17 year old?

me and my Dad would like to know how much car insurance would be for a 17 year old and what would be the cheapest car. Now... I know theres no such thing as cheap car insurance but here's the details... I have already been on the road for a year (moped) I am doing my test in July (I'm not 17 yet but we just want some rough estimates) I will be insured on my dads insurance as a second driver (It's not fraud, its perfectly legal because its an option on most car insurance websites) Thanks so much for the help, George.""

Does driving school affect insurance rates when over 21 in Massachusetts?

I am 21 and have never held a drivers license before. I would like to get it now, but I do not want to take the classroom portion of driving school, just the road lessons. However, my father would add me to his insurance plan since I'm still living with him until I complete college and grad school. He is worried about insurance rates being too high without driving school. Would this affect my insurance rates since I am over 21?""

How much does COBRA insurance coverage cost?

I know that it can cost 102% of whatever the company pays for the insurance on a group plan, but I want to know what people have actually paid for their continued insurance under COBRA. Real figures from the past year are appreciated.""

How much is the average car insurance per month?

Ok so im 18 years old, i still live with my parents and im looking to get a car. SO how much would insurance be per month? I plan to get the car in my name so i am wondering if i can get the insurance in my name or will i go under my parents insurance? My parents don't have a car at the moment so if i get my own car under my name can i get insurance in my name even though im still living with them?""

Hu is the cheapest car insurance for dr10?

Best public health insurance plan in nyc?

I've been traveling after college and won't go back to school for another year. I've been volunteering only and haven't worked for over a year. I don't qualify for ...show more

Are we going to have to have a secondary health insurance to insure against the newly sky-high deductibles?

Traveling medical insurance prices?

how much do i have to pay for medical insurance if i'm traveling from Toronto to Barbados on a trip medical insurance.

Can I drive my sons car under my own (fully comp) insurance?

My son's car is registered to our home address, and he is currently away. His is cheaper to run so I want to use it (with his permission). He has third party only insurance but I am fully comp on my own car. My insurance states I can drive any other car with the owners permission, but does his insurance level, or the fact it is registered at my own address affect this?""

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