#i haven't read it in a hot minute and I answered this from memory

[acewitch-writes]

thoughts on the pottermore remus lupin write up?

As a rule, I consider Pottermore to be a sort of grey area of "sub"-canon. I see it as being on par with headcanon, so I take it all with a grain of salt. I pick and choose bits of Pottermore to incorporate into my own HCs.

I do appreciate the way pottermore expanded on Remus' family life, and I especially love the background that includes Lyall being prepared to fend off Albus Dumbledore to protect his son. I'm a sucker for the HC that Remus had good, loving parents. The rest of his life is so rife with suffering and pain, so it's just nice to give Remus something happy to hold onto. I don't mind when Remus doesn't always have great parents in fics, though, because it's not something that was ever explicitly stated in canon. I just hate when folks in this fandom go around repeating the mainstream fanon "Remus was an orphan" or "Remus had shitty parents" as if it is undisputed canon.

I also really like the background on how Lyall and Hope met and the way it ties the whole Lupin family together with Boggarts being the common thread. Lyall saved Hope from a Boggart, and they had a Boggart wedding cake topper! What a cute and quirky family! And then Remus goes on to teach DADA and his first lesson is, you guessed it, BOGGARTS! And then he taught James Potter's son how to defend against Boggarts! I love it so much, the link between Boggarts and fear and Remus' Lycanthropy and the fear/cowardice that burdens Remus as a character and—

I'm going to write a detailed analysis on this someday because I just find it so fascinating.

I'm less fond of the way pottermore retconned R*madora, and the comment that Remus made about how "Sirius got all the women", not simply because I'm not a fan of that ship but also because it willfully goes against the already-established canon trait that Sirius was not interested in girls/dating and paid them little attention. I prefer to read it as Remus feeling jealous/envious of Sirius, of the way he never even had to make an effort because he was just so effortlessly handsome and charming, while Remus felt this immense pressure to be good enough and had to work twice as just to be liked and respected (while also feeling unworthy of these things due to his Lycanthropy).

So yeah, all in all, I consider Pottermore to be above fanon, but not necessarily above well-thought-out and nuanced headcanon.

[soulwrencher]

Hey i just read your fanfic "and still i answer your call when she doesn't answer at all". and i loved it, i wonder if you could maybe make a part 2 if you have time, And if you want too. And ofcourse, you dont have to do it or rush it

hi! thank you sm <3 yes ofc i can, haven't written in a hot minute so;

and still i answer your call when she doesn't answer at all, part 2

pairing: ellie x fem!reader

warnings: toxic relationship, cheating, nsfw, curse words, soft?? ellie but highkey salty, not proofread yet again, lesbian sex <3, and also first time writing smut plsplspls have mercy on me, xoxo

word count: 3,9k

summary: you visit ellie again to thank her for comforting and taking care of you, but things take a different course when your 'girlfriend' texts you. or; ellie eats you out.

as warm tones start to set into the blue sky, february doesn't seem so cold anymore.

all your worries were washed away, all thanks to ellie. after you stormed to her place at the most vile hour, ellie took good care of you, the two of you watched your favourite movies until you fell asleep and she prepared you some breakfast before you had to leave for work. guilt resides in the pits of your gut, your gratefulness has never left the four walls of your mind, it is time you finally thank ellie for everything she has done for you these past few days.

you spent the whole day in bed, sulking away while thoughts of your girlfriend cross your mind. you reach for your phone, no message from her.

as you take steady steps to your closet you realise that there's no turning back now. you've made up your mind, it is over. but you needed good advice from a very good friend, surely ellie would have all the answers to your questions. flicking through all the clothes in your closet, memories of your girlfriend start to occupy your mind. the dress you wore on your first date, the hoodie she bought you on a rainy november day, the graphic tee you wore the first time she made you cry, and all the other clothes that witnessed you being miserable because of her. it had to end, now.

all dressed up now, you wash your face, washing the smudged mascara from yesterday's crying away. lately your emotions have been all over the place but you told yourself it is better to feel them rather than bottling everything up.

ready to leave, you text ellie a simple 'i'm gonna stop by your place' shortly regretting that you didn't text her earlier. but to your luck she replies almost immediately.

'sure, have you eaten?' the words circle your mind. you don't know whether you're impressed by the fact that she answered so quickly or that she potentially knew you haven't eaten a single thing yet.

'no' you reply, slipping your phone into your pocket while fishing out your keys that you mindlessly put in your pockets before locking the door.

you step outside and cold wind is blowing your way. the sky has already lost itself in complete darkness, but the clouds haven't shied away, surrounding the moons light.

ellie is just as nervous as the last time you were here, although now she had something to keep herself busy with: cooking.

keeping it simple, because she's too scared to mess up, but not too boring, ellie doesn't want you to think that she can't cook.

a dilemma she might never escape, because she knows you don't overthink any of your actions towards her. but should she really be thinking about this right now? ellie tries her best to feel somewhat content that you're coming over. however, knowing that she is one-sidedly overthinking her actions, caring for your needs and, well, liking you, she can't help but feel like burning this entire kitchen down instead of cooking a nice meal for the two of you.

"shit," ellie groans as she feels the blade digging into her fingertip. this for sure wasn't part of the cute scenarios she just made up nor was it part of her plan to burn this kitchen down. ellie rushes to find a plaster, a bandage, anything to put on her finger.

the door rings, ellie rushes to the door, heavy footsteps echo and bounce off the stairwell walls. the sound of you felt like a mixture of butterflies and sour lemons in her guts.

and there you stand, right in front of her. something in the fresh evening air must've altered your brain chemistry, because why do you feel her eyes linger? and why do you want them to? your emotional imbalance is surely to blame, you most definitely lack attentiveness and consideration. ellie lightly clearing her throat interrupts your almost driving you to insanity monologue, your eyes now drawn to her body.

has your friend's arms always looked this big? she's just wearing a plain white t-shirt, but you can't seem to stop yourself from tracing the strokes of her tattoo with your eyes. soft hello's were exchanged before ellie offered to take off your jacket. the outfit you picked out today and deemed too light for your own comfort suddenly became ridiculously warm.

"how have you been?" ellie asks, making her way to the kitchen as you awkwardly stand in the hallway trying to cool down.

"better? uh, do you mind if i change?" your voice breaks a little, you lightly chuckle to cover your discomfort.

ellie shakes her head, her whole attention directed towards the plates she's trying to decorate nicely with the food she has just made. truth is, she's trying her hardest not to think about you changing, about your bare, soft skin, about—

"oh my god," it emerges from ellie's bedroom, ripping ellie out of her mildly inappropriate thoughts. she was so sure that she cleaned her room well, even checked multiple times and every corner, what on earth did you find? she fiddles with her hands as she walks towards her bedroom, door slightly open. the auburn haired woman doesn't believe in god, but on this very day, she is making all kinds of prayers, hoping for the best. ellie opens the door and seeing you sit on her bed with your phone in your hand is surprisingly disappointing.

you watch her stand at the doorframe, her arms crossed, flexing her buff arms. you can't ignore her furrowed eyebrows, but when ellie notices the concern written all over your face she mouths a low 'what happened?'

you turn around your phone for ellie to read the text message your girlfriend just sent you.

'hey baby, can we talk? i'm really sorry' ellie reads in her head. she definitely prayed for all the wrong reasons, because this is exponentially worse than anything she feared just a minute ago.

"why are you showing me this?" she asks, her voice low. she's still standing in front of you, looking down on you. her gaze on you makes you feel things you haven't felt in a long time. but your girlfriend just texted you and is apologising for her actions, you need to focus. but something about the way her eyes are locking you in is making it a little harder to breathe.

you take a deep breath, you need oxygen to clear your head.

"well, i came here because i needed advice—" you carefully watch ellie approaching you slowly.

"—i wanted to end things with her but—" you thought you were attentive enough but you're taken aback by ellie's big hands resting on your thighs, her face dangerously close to yours. you steal a small glimpse at her tired eyes piercing you through before continuing. her being so close causes your breath to shorten, you're hoping your all that she can't see your chest lifting.

"—she apologised now, so we're good," you say. ellie's eyes widen in disbelief, slightly tilting her head.

"are you serious?" she scoffs, her eyes shut close before searching for answers in yours. you nod and watch ellie drop her head in disappointment, followed by several scoffs and sighs.

"no you're not," she says under her breath, disappointment slowly spiralling into exasperation. ellie can't tolerate this any longer. whether it is your dumb decisions or your inability to see your worth, she won't take this anymore. and it might be selfish to get angry at you for not seeing her more than just a friend, but she did decide on a whim while cooking that this is the day where she finally tells you. however the manner things are progressing for now seem to be reaching a dead end.

"i have to reply though," you mumble, but ellie's furrowed eyebrows insinuate you to feel insecure about your decision.

"you don't," ellie says, as an auburn hair strand looses itself from her split ponytail. her arm reaches for your phone, but you hold it up by reflex, you didn't expect her to grab for your phone. however, you forget that you're the one sitting and she'd just have to stand up straight to get your phone, so you rapidly throw your back onto the mattress, arms far away, she surely won't be able to get your phone now.

"fuck, you can't be—" ellie hesitates, and you smile triumphantly, until you feel something weighting you down. your eyes widen in realisation, did ellie just climb on top of you? your body's brush now and then against each other while she's trying to reach for your phone. you're about to turn to the side when you feel ellie's strong hands hold your wrist down, making it impossible for you to move. for a minute, you forget why you wanted to turn away as you loose yourself in her sage green eyes. and that's when realisation hits you, you're under her, at the mercy of her big, strong arms. ellie doesn't keep eye contact for long, her eyes are fixated on stealing your phone, your eyes are focused on her jaw line. you're being held down, her knees restricting your upper body from the sides, her chest alarmingly close to your face. your grip around your phone softens, your too distracted by her presence pressing and holding you down.

you hear ellie whisper a 'finally' before you're eye to eye again. ellie was too busy taking your phone away and only notices now how close the two of you are. your chests lightly brush against each other, ellie still pinning you down to the bed. her grip tightens around your wrist as she thinks about the way you're still so caught up with your girlfriend, but the fact that she has your full attention for once overrides all the anger she bottled up. you gulp down and break away from her gaze, looking to the side, where she's holding you down.

"what happened to your finger?" you finally break the silence, earning a low chuckle from ellie. she's breathing right onto your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

you watch ellie's lip move, form words, pressing against each other softly.

"you sure you wanna text your girlfriend?" the last words pull you out of the daze her lips put you in, she surely must've said something important. you need to focus. you have to ignore that your body is screaming to be held, to be touched.

the thought of ellie touching you has never crossed your mind until... now. this very thought makes you want to adjust your lower body, arching your back slightly.

ellie can't help but notice all the movement happening below her. she's never been this close to you. and knowing she has your undivided attention all to herself, she can't hold back any longer.

her chest bumps against yours as she slightly moves up, her hand reaching for your chin, holding it in between her thumb and bandaged index finger. you're forced to hold eye contact with her, her breath tickling your face. your chest doesn't even rise anymore, only falling lower and lower until the movement travels to your lower back.

it's hard to breathe and it's hard to think, you feel your eyes wander from her green eyes to her lips.

"do i have something on my lips?" ellie asks, while looking down on you.

"no?" you're confused, finally pulled out of trance. she tilts your head to the side, at which you sharply inhale.

"you're staring," ellie whispers into your neck, the sensation insinuates you to hold your breath. you see a smile creep up her face from the corner of your eye, your heartbeat must've dropped to your abdomen at this very sight. all your morals and values must have left you on this night, because you want nothing more than ellie. she always directs you to make the right decision, so you want to believe that she will stop you from pursuing your inappropriate thoughts. with your free hand you reach for the hem of ellie's t-shirt, holding onto it desperately.

"ellie," you say out of breath. something about the way you called for her name made her lose it all, the breathlessness, your voice, the feeling of your body under hers.

her narrowed eyes fill with desperation, hunger, and lust. the sight of you underneath her tingles on her fingertips, ready to roam your body.

ellie takes a deep breath, lifting your face by your chin. she observe your lips carefully as she traces the outlines with her thumb.

"can i?" ellie finally asks, her eyes nervously looking for a place to rest on. you look up to her through your lashes, your grip tightening on her t-shirt. she makes you feel so needed, so incredibly wanted. your mind tells you to put an end to this but the feeling growing in between your thighs can't be ignored any longer. you shut your eyes close, then take one more look at ellie.

her arms could hold you up without struggling, her hands look so sturdy, she could touch you just the way you need her to.

sharply inhaling, you nod, and a smile creeps up her face. and you still feel said smile as she presses her lips against yours.

you didn't know that such a gentle kiss left you eager for more, and you find your hands entangled in her hair, frantically holding onto ellie.

the way your hands speak for what's going on on your mind makes ellie's blood rush through her veins, the soft fabric of your top rubbing up against her arm drives her insane as your skin is exposed every now and then.

ellie's hands glide over your body as her lips devour you impatiently. the sensation of her fingertips linger and you can't keep up any longer. she wants more of you, sloppy kisses emphasise that her attention has shifted from your lips to your body.

you can't help but notice her t-shirt riding up every so often, abdomen exposed.

"fuck," ellie groans, your bottom lip tugged in between her teeth. her hands finally have found a place to rest, a little under your chest, cupping your breasts. her gentle eyes meet yours, pressing her lips to a thin line before speaking.

"can i take your shirt off?" ellie's voice is slightly raspy and it's just enough to worsen the pressure in between your thighs. you squeeze them tightly, earning raised eyebrows from ellie.

"only if you take yours off too," you shoot back, because you can't be doing the wrong thing one-sidedly. however, didn't you want to end things with your girlfriend? she was practically an ex by now, you would've told her soon enough.

ellie sits up, her inner thighs pressing against your waist.

"oh? then, take your bra off too," ellie says, as she trails kisses on your neck, hot, slow and wet. you slightly arch your neck while biting down a moan. this is getting too heated for your own comfort and you can see yourself making noises only a few instances away, this needs to stop.

but ellie keeps on sucking, biting and licking your neck, making it impossible to keep quiet. and to make matters worse, she pushes her thigh all the way up against your aching spot, resulting you to softly moan.

"shit, didn't know texting your girlfriend back included moaning for me," ellie spits, the bitter taste of her fury still hasn't left her tongue. you're taken aback by her words but the sensation on your neck is keeping you in a trance you can't break away from. ellie's had enough of waiting, so she switches position with you, making you sit on top of her lap. she lifts your t-shirt, every inch of exposed skin is followed by hungry kisses until the shirt is off of you. you don't necessarily like sitting on top, too many vulnerable spots to be explored. ellie's rough hands glide down the sides of your upper body until they comfortably rest above your hips. her fingers graze over your body making breathing impossible, you feel it all the way down your lower abdomen.

and as if her big sturdy hands roaming over your body wasn't enough, she reaches for your back, undoing your bra with one hand.

you watch her smirk cockily as the straps of your bra fall to the sides, exposing your shoulders, and more importantly your chest. ellie bites down her lip as she cups your breasts, giving them a good, firm squeeze before locking eyes with you.

"you're tits look so fucking perfect," she groans, letting the palm of her hand brush against your hard nipples while ellie feels your hips tilt to the back at the touch of your skin, back arched for a moment only. she then pinches them and teases you even more, so you try to stop her and you reach out for her hand. however, you mistakenly grab her tattooed forearm, grasping it firmly to push her away from you. ellie chuckles at your unfortunate attempt to break away from her.

"you want them inside of you?" she teases, while breathing hot air onto your nipples. your eyes widen in surprise, when have you implied that? you suddenly feel heat creep up your neck, panic written all over your face. in response, ellie points to the forearm you've been digging your nails into.

"oh," you say, rapidly drawing your hands in.

"no, it's fine," she says while putting your arms around her, lifting you slightly up to lay you on her bed. her fingers are hooked on your waistband while taking your pants off. you've never seen anyone look this hot taking pants off, loose hair strands covering her face, you can't tell her facial expression.

all you see is her muscular shoulders and arms flexing while she undresses you.

you realise that wearing grey underwear will be the death of you as you hear ellie laugh lowly. you sense her blowing hot air against your clit, oh god is she a tease, you think to yourself.

"so fucking wet and i haven't even touched you? would love to hear your girlfriend's opinion on this," ellie scoffs, while observing the hot mess you are.

"ellie, for fucks sake i'm—"

"you're what?" eyebrows raised, hands resting on your thighs. you take a deep breath. talking about this while you're about to do it is not just incredibly anticlimactic but also immensely nerve wrecking. her eyes are like a ticking bomb, the longer you keep her waiting the more the disappointment grows, her gentle eyes turning tired.

"i'm ending things with her," you finally say.

"you surely will after today," ellie responds, her fingertip firmly pressing on your clit, only fabric separating her from your skin.

you gasp and your stomach rises almost immediately at the pressure you feel, causing you to squeeze your thighs tightly together. however, ellie slips her rough hand in between them, mouthing an 'open' towards your direction which you deemed useless since ellie opened your legs forcibly on her own. she holds one of your thighs down while pulling your underwear to the side, exposing your throbbing, wet clit. she holds two fingers out, gliding them over you to moisturise them before sliding them inside of you. the sensation of her fingers inside of you causes you to arch your back, throw back your head and dig your nails into her scalp.

"easy, love," she whispers, her fingers curved inside of you. ellie starts off slow, with every thrust you exhale shortly, until they turn into soft moans. her unexpectedly breathing against your clit makes you go insane, you feel the sensation give you goosebumps all over you body.

your body leaves ellie mesmerised, the way you move at her touch worsens her need to keep you all to herself, to devour you. she never imagined you to be this gorgeous, this attractive. she wants more of you and desperately wants the taste of you on her tongue. and not a second later, ellie made up her mind, she adjusts herself and pulls your panties further to the side, having full view of you.

"gorgeous," she mutters before crashing onto your clit, letting her tongue slowly slide to the top before making her way back down again. you pull at her hair in reaction, your other hand gripping her bed sheets. ellie moves the tip of her tongue up and down before tugging your clit in between her lips softly, sucking it in.

your moans become shaky and her sucking becomes more intense. you feel your whole body tense up as she presses her parted lips lightly around you, her tongue slowly flicking your clit inside of her mouth. she then lets go of you, you hold your breath.

you're numbed by the sensation and can't tell what's going on, you either feel her fingers pump inside of you or her tongue absolutely devouring you. you can't keep up any longer and ellie doesn't even leave space for a moment to breathe or think, you only feel, and that deeply.

all you hear are the wet noises you make against ellie's tongue and her grunts that unexpectedly turn you on. nails digging into her hair, back arched to the ceiling and your mind so far gone that all your responses to ellie's teasing questions are mindless moans, you feel her push even harder inside of you, causing you to jolt. ellie grins onto your clit as she notices your throbbing take on a slow, rhythmic pace, your insides clasping around her fingers in said rhythm. your hips move in circles, you desperately want to come, you've never felt this good.

and ellie keeps her thrusts consistent, just as the movement of her tongue, only increasing the speed of it. the taste of you sends her to another dimension, she already knows that this will leave her hungry for more. and so your back shoots up, forcing your hip all the way down and clutching around ellie's fingers, a sharp, but loud moan escaping your mouth. content with her work, ellie plants a kiss on your clit, your body shuddering in response. she slowly removes her fingers, your body shivers once more.

you're still in a haze, but ellie hovering over you pulls you out of it, her glistening lips are mesmerising. you see her lose strands sticking to her forehead, a few pearls of sweat on her well built arms. ellie observes your eyes, the way you look so gorgeous in the dimmed light worries her that she might do more.

"good job," she whispers into your neck, goosebumps spreading across your skin. you mutter a 'thank you' which makes you realise you're thanking her for all the wrong reasons. she lays down beside you and holds her right arm out, suggesting you to rest your head on it. you scoot closer, watching her chest rise and fall as she breathes.

"thank you for... the past few days," you say quietly into her chest. ellie scoffs shortly, raises her right arm to the back of your head and pats you. only now you notice that she has taken her shirt off, you don't recall that happening but you surely don't mind the view. you then feel ellie reach out for something, your phone in her hand.

"now text your girlfriend back and make sure to let her know that i'm here."

a/n: hello sorry for taking so long to update, was busy with exams, i was on renee rapp's concert as well (she's so attractive oh god) and yes. enjoy my first attempt at smut :)

[dre6ming]

Christmas tree shopping

The delicate beginning rush

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Austin Butler x singer/actress fem reader

Warnings: smut, sex, explicit content, mentions of blood, crying, bad family relationships, fluff

Word count: ~3000

Plot: Christmas tree shopping puts a small dent into your heart considering the past, so when Austin asks that you do it together, you have some holdbacks.

I love Christmas! And that's that. I've always loved it, ever since I could understand the concept of it. I adore the buzz of the crowd searching for gifts, the smell of Christmas foods, the decorations, the songs, the movies. I mean you'd have to have a big lump of coal for a heart to not like Christmas. But with all my love for this time of the year, this year I'm just not feeling it.

As I walk the crowed streets of New York all on my own, with my big fluffy scarf covering most of my face, I look around at the stores wondering where I could go next, dreading going home, where Austin waits for me so we can go Christmas tree shopping. When he proposed the idea that we go together, I just nodded and smiled, but in my heart a big hole was being uncovered. I used to go Christmas tree shopping with my dad, some of my favorite memories with him, are of us choosing a tree, setting it up in the living room and decorating it together. Those were some of the best hours in the whole year. But then the divorce happened right before Christmas, no one bought a Christmas tree, I didn't even bother decorating that year, I stayed over at Timmy's house, then the year after that, was mine and Austin's first Christmas together, but he was with his family and I went again to Timmy's house.

This year though, he wants us to have a Christmas together together. He suggested that we spend it over at his LA home, but Christmas is supposed to be cold and wet and snowy, not sunny and hot, so we are going to have a small party at my apartment on the 25th, until then he wants all the Christmas stuff to be done. Which I'm more than happy to do, but I was hoping we'd get a fake tree from Amazon or something.

I feel my phone vibrate in the pocket of my coat and I know I can't ignore him, or he will get worried, so I sigh, taking the phone out and answering the call. "Hi, Aus! I'm still looking at a few shops, they've got really nice things out here, I bought some stuff." I lie, having not bought even a single thing. "Don't worry darling, I was just checking in, what do you say, I come get you with the car and then we go to the Christmas tree market?" He asks so sweetly, it hurts my heart. "Um actually I don't know, I don't think I'm gonna be much longer, so just wait for me back at the apartment." I hate the anticipation of the disappointment in his voice. "That's fine Y/n, just be safe, I love you!" I close my eyes and rub my temple with my free hand, feeling a headache creep it's way to me. "Love you too!" I cut the call short and keep walking, smiling as I spot the rusty old sign from Frank's record store.

As I enter the smell of cinnamon and chocolate, hits me, soft jazz playing in the background. The store looks empty today, except for Frank, sitting behind the counter, reading a book. As the door bell rings he looks up from his book and smiles at me, getting up to come hug me. "Hey kid, haven't seen you in a hot minute. Though I've heard plenty of you. I never knew fruitcake makes you sick" he laughs, referencing my latest album, a Christmas ep called fruitcake. "Very funny!" I giggle, unwrapping the scarf from my neck and undoing some of the buttons on my coat.

"Well I've been busy, but I'm home for the holidays." I say, looking around, skimming through some of the new records he has in store. "Hm I bet you're busy, touring arenas and all. Hey kid look what I have here." Frank says as he goes to the back and brings out a mysterious vinyl. "It's a first edition. A mix done on vinyl in the 90's, all your favorites are on here." He explains, replacing the vinyl he had one with the new one he brought. "Last Christmas I have you my heart.." the song starts playing and I start singing along.

"Want some hot cocoa?" Frank asks, putting the closed sign on the door, as I take of my coat to be a bit more comfortable. "Of course I want some, extra-" "-Whipping cream, I know" he finishes my sentence, making both of us laugh. As Frank goes to make the hot cocoa, I take my phone out and text Austin.

Me

Hey, something came up, I'm over at Roxy's place. Can we reschedule?

Austin

Sure, hope everything is alright. Love you 💜🧶

Me

Ofc, love you too

I hate lying to him, but I just don't feel like having a therapy session right now. "Hmm perfect!" I smile taking the cup from Frank and drinking some of the delicious hot beverage. "So any big plans for Christmas this year?" He asks, and I start telling him all about the dinner me and Austin are hosting for friends and family.

Before I knew it I had spent a few good hours over at Frank's store and then I had to call Matt to come get me with the car and drive me back home, as it had gone dark outside. So now I'm in the elevator, watching the buttons of each floor light up, until we get to number 10. I walk in and the whole place is quiet, no sight of Austin or any cats, so I guess that he must be sleeping. Tiptoeing to my room I find Austin sleeping on the bed with Simba and William cuddled up to him. Walking into the closet I try to make as little sound as possible and I start to take off my clothes.

I feel a pair of arms wrap around me and I let out a small scream, startled for a moment. "Shh it's me" Austin whispers against my ear, kissing down my neck, I lean into him and reach my hand back, to comb through his thick hair. "It's ok.." I moan as he sucks the skin right above my collarbone. His hands travel down my abdomen and unbutton my jeans, his right hand sliding down between my legs, into my underwear. "Austin.." I sigh, putting all my weight on him. "Shh, don't talk." Austin says

He's skilled fingers work me like magic, his left arm tight around my waist holding me up, as he plugs a finger into me. I gasp, fisting his hair, as he moves slowly inside me. "Shh no talking." He repeats, after I try to moan his name again. This is something we've never done before, he usually likes me talking during sex, and he encourages me to be vocal, but this time he wants me to be quiet.

I'm lost in my train of thought and don't realize the moment he pulls his hand away and picks me up, taking me to the bed. "Aus?" I ask concerned as he removes my jeans but not my panties. He looks at me, but there's no tenderness like before, he looks mad? "No talking." Is all he says, as he takes off his clothes and puts on a condom, getting on top of me. "Aus baby, is something wrong?" I ask touching his face. A faint smile crosses his face and a glimmer of something sweet shows up in his eyes. My heart beats at a thousand miles per hour and I'm aroused as ever, but something is off.

"Nothings wrong, I just want to feel you." He says, kissing me, his hands going back to their ministrations. We move in sink and I reach behind me to unclasp my bra. Austin's hands go immediately to my breasts, kneading and pinching my nipples. "Fuck!" He grunts as I sneak my hand down and pump his cock, touching his tip to my covered pussy, wishing right now there was no thin layer of cotton between us.

"Please!" I beg as his head nudges at my wet pussy, brushing against my clit, sending electric shocks up my spine. "Fucking hell!" Austin curses, guiding his hand between us, to push my panties to the side, quickly sliding into me. I wince in pain, as he usually takes his time opening me up, but this time he seems to be in a hurry. His lips find mine and he swallows my whimpers. When he's all the way in, he stills and waits for me to give him the ok to move. After a few moments of sitting like this conjoined, with my legs around his waist, my hand in his hair and his around my waist, something changes, something in him, he starts feeling warm and soft, unlike the cold stiff feeling he was giving me before, it's like he melts into me.

His hands moves up my body, wrapping tightly around me. "I'm sorry!" He says in a broken voice. "It's ok, doesn't hurt anymore, please move." I say caressing his cheek, encouraging him to pull his hips back. When his pelvis meets mine again, fireworks sparkle behind my closed eyelids. Austin starts a slow pace, each time going deeper and deeper if that were possible. The room is filled my muffled moans and skin slapping noises, as both of us feel closer and closer to the sweet release. "Shit Austin, I need more, please!" I beg arching my back to give him a new angle.

Austin groans in my ear and picks up the pace, placing one hand behind my head on the pillow and the other on my clit, rubbing slow circles. "I love you! I love you so much!" I say, feeling closer to my orgasm, my walls spasm around hid twitching cock. "Fuck!" His voice sound strangled and he moves faster, sloppier. "I love you I love you Iloveyou!" I say over and over again and over again. He keeps his moves fast and rhythmic, I curl my toes and pull on his hair, my orgasm wrecking through my body, tingling head to toe. Austin keeps moving until I feel him tens and he cums moaning into my shoulder.

We sit a few minutes tangled together, breathing in sink, his heart thudding against my chest. The  without a word, Austin pulls out, leaving me empty, getting up and going to the bathroom. I'm left staring at the ceiling, wondering what this whole experience was just weird. I sit up in bed and wrap myself in my fluffy robe, getting up, going to the kitchen to drink some water.

I keep thinking what just happened, I can't imagine what must have happened to make Austin act like this. It's not that the sex didn't feel good, it did, but it felt like he was somewhere else, or at lest trying to be somewhere else. "Are you hungry ?" I jump at Austin's voice, dropping the glass of water on the floor. Without thinking I try to reach for the broom, to clean this up, but I step on a shard of glass. "Aw, fuck fuck!" I let out, holding onto the counter, lifting my leg up to see if the cut is bad. It's only a small shard, so the cut is barely a graze, but blood is already coming out of it. "Don't move!" Austin warns, walking around the broken glass and water, coming next to me. He puts both hands on my waist and lifts me up on the counter, the going to clean the mess I made.

We sit in silence, as he cleans and I feel the blood dripping down my foot. When he's done, he goes away and I start thinking if he just left me here, which I know is stupid, but my brain can't stop making weird scenarios up. "Show me your leg!" Austin says, kneeling down in front of me, cleaning my wound and putting a bandage over it. "All done!"

"Are you mad at me?" I ask at the same time as he speaks and he blushes, looking the other way, avoiding my eyes. "Where were you today?" He asks and as I open my mouth to answer he interrupts me. "Don't lie, Roxy came over, thinking you were here." I sigh and jump off from the counter, ignoring the pain in my leg. I wobble a little bit, despite my best effort, so Austin puts his hands up around me, ready to catch me if anything were to happen. I look him up and down, thinking about what I could say, I could just tell him the truth, but I haven't really told him much about mine and my dad's relationship. He waits patiently for me to answer and the way his arms are still around me, like waiting for a hug, makes me want to melt right into him, but I choose the childish part of me, pushing him away and walking past him.

"Did something happen?" His voice sounds like an echo and for a moment I feel like he didn't even speak and it was all my imagination. I turn around slowly, looking at his face, his eyes are read, teary. "Aus-"

"I know you weren't at Roxy's place, you didn't answer your phone, you were out shopping all day and yet, came back with no bags or nothing." Austin's hands are shaking, so I walk up to him slowly, taking his hands in mine, but he takes a step back, pulling away, which breaks my heart. "Can we sit down? I can explain everything." He shakes his head and I close my eyes taking a deep breath, preparing for the things I'm about to say.

"I was at Franks store, I did go out to buy somethings, but my head was somewhere else so I didn't get anything, just walked around." I start saying and he fiddles around with his hands. "Why?"

"I wanted to go Christmas tree shopping, but it just it hurt to much. I haven't gone shopping with anyone other than my dad, it was our thing, but I'm no longer a part of his life and it's, it's like slowly learning how to breathe again." His face saddens more, but this time, the sadness is pointed my way, and I appreciate his empathy, but I'd like if he'd stop. "I'm sorry I really am, it's just been hard on me to.." my voice breaks down and I lick my lips, tasting the salt of my tears.

Austin closes the distance between and hugs me tight. "You should have told me, I'm sorry, we don't have to go if you don't feel like it, baby" he says rubbing my back, holding me close to him. "I think if you go with me , I could do it. " he chuckles, kissing the top of my head and we stand hugging for a moment.

"Aus?" I ask softly something still on my mind. "Yeah?" "Is something wrong, you felt a little cold, you know, earlier." I feel him stiffen a bit, so I wiggle out of his arms to look up at him. "Well I was worried about you and my sister told me that she and the kids are down with some virus and can’t make it to Christmas, so I was just filled to the brim with worry." I smile at him, touching his hair lightly, placing some flyaway hairs back. "Oh my baby, want some hot cocoa? And how about we bake something?" I say, walking back to the kitchen counter and getting things ready for a feel better night. "Your butter cookies? With orange?" He asks puppy eyed, making me giggle. "Well I did just buy some oranges yesterday, so why even ask?" I say putting milk on the stove to warm up and already measuring the right amount of flour and sugar.

Between finishing the hot cocoa and adding the flour to the dough, someone decided to start a fight with flour, so we're now laughing, picking flour from our hair, as the cookies rise. "You're such a child." I chuckle, wiping his nose. "I just couldn't help myself" he shrugs, smirking at me.

The next morning we wake up as late as we can and now we're enjoying a shower together. His hands wash my skin tenderly, massaging all the stiff spots. "I don't think I'll ever get bored of washing your hair!" He admits, bubbling the shampoo between his hands, then applying it to my hair. "Well I'll never get bored of you washing my hair, so lucky for you!"

After what must have been the slowest start of day in months, we finally enter the Christmas tree market, hand in hand. Being here does feel weird without my dad, but not as bad as I thought. Austin squeezes my hand three times and that calms me a bit, so I take a deep breath, looking at all the trees. "Can we get a huge one?" I ask already having my eye on one. "I was thinking smaller, but whatever you want." He says, looking the opposite way the trees that are way too small for my liking. "How about two trees?" I suggest, smiling at him.

"Honey I don't think we'll fit in the elevator with this." Austin says, as he pull down the tree that's almost twice his height, from the roof of my heel. Driving around New York with this on top of the car was of course something out of a comedy. "So up the stairs?" I ask hoping he'd say "no"

"I think so." He sighs, looking with dread at the staircase door. "Ok then.." I say defeated, locking the car and getting ready to help him.

Around the 2nd floor it feels like I'm dying, we decided that best way was for me to go up pulling and him pushing form down. "I think we're going somewhere." I encourage, already cursing myself for not going to the gym enough. Austin laughs, form somewhere behind the tree branches. "Yeah the North Pole!" He jokes

On the 10th floor we  stop at the door of the apartment, him in better shape than me, but still just as tired. "You have no idea how lucky you are I love you!" Austin says, kissing my cheek. "I love you too!"

"Is it straight?" Austin asks from under the tree, trying to place it in the tree stand. "A little to the left!" I instruct. "My left? Or your left?" He asks, out of breath. "Mine, ugh no, yours. I don't know, can you get out of from there?" I ask and he comes to sit next to me. The tree is still very much crooked, but I think I like it this way. "I think I like it this way!" Austin says, rubbing my back. I snuggle into his side and stand on my tippy toes to kiss him. "I think I agree!"

"I think I love you!" He says, picking me up and spinning me around. "Did you notice that you kinda picked a tree looking like me and I picked one looking like you?" Austin jokes again, but as I look at the two Christmas trees, now realizing that the very obvious height difference does resemble the one me and Austin have between us. "I think we just did the funniest thing." I admit, going to the boxes on the floor and taking an ornament out, placing it in the smaller tree Austin chose. "Merry Christmas, y/n! I love you!" Austin says, placing and ornament in the tree I picked. "Merry Christmas Austin, I love you too!"

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[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 17, "Dead Uncles and Vegetables", Part I

I have little to no recollection of what happens in this episode except that it involves Luke's dead uncle (duh), which probably means it's filler. Glorious, glorious filler. And I can be free to be SILLY! This one will be silly. Read my reviews of all previous episodes here. The episode opens with Lorela growing irritated as she listens to an excessive amount of answering machine messages left by her mother. Oh, but when Dean does it, its cute?

I feel like I should put this screen capture in my pocket for later use, it might come in handy.

Oh Michel, how I've missed you.

I hope this is one of those episodes where everything is calm and I can just bask in references to outdated technology. Luke calls Lorelai at work because his uncle his dead and he needs to book the inn.

She found 9 available rooms that quickly, business must be slow.

"Today's Desserts" haven't changed in 2 years.

Haven't seen this guy in a while.

Sure, it's bad customer service, but I think Luke should tell more people to shut up. The citizens of Stars Hollow need to be humbled. Where's Jess to help juggle all those orders? Is a little bit of child labor too much to ask for?

I love how Stars Hollow in general is always behind techology wise (I'm not convinced they even have dial up internet yet) but Luke is always even further back. While the citizens are enamored with this new technology called a "cellular phone" Luke has banished them from his establishment and hasn't even caught up to "cordless landline" yet.

Okay, but Luke asking you if you know how to make coffee is a reasonable question. You are in here every morning, afternoon and night where Luke makes your coffee for you. I never see you brew it at home.

The answer to this question is always "Upstairs, jerking off."

If Jess should be at school, then why aren't you at school? Just sayin.

Rory dared to go upstairs alone to look for Jess and Lorelai didn't follow behind her and lasso her with the Rope of Sexual Abstinence? What is the urgent and pressing business that Rory needs to discuss with Jess? Why does she sound, idk, angry? This is puzzling.

Whoa, mama! He looks smoking hot here! His hair is gorgeous and that shirt looks great on him! I'm a slut for rolled up sleeves! I have no memory of this whatsoever. What a nice surprise.

Listen Rory, I like you, but like, why don't YOU get a job? Luke is the Kingpin of Teenage Labor. He's employed Jess, Lane, Zac, and April and he's even had his own girlfriends pitch in and wait tables. He wouldn't be against employing his future stepdaughter.

Rory never worked a paid job in high school except supposedly, working at the Inn in season 1, which I don't believe was a real thing.

Blah blah, she's focusing on academics, blah blah.

Love the bright orange dildo lamp complete with balls.

"I'll be down in a minute, the Spice Channell just unscrambled for a few seconds and I thought I saw a booby."

"I was just about to take my pants off." "Just assume that Jeannie's going to get Major Healey out of whatever scrape he's in." I've never seen that porno. #IDreamOfWeeny #ICreamOnJeannie #OkayOkay #IllStop

TOMATOS SIGN! MY BELOVED! I MISSED YOU! Lorelai's shirt says "For good luck rub my tummy." Lorelai accuses Kirk of hoarding packets of sweeteners to bring home, as if Luke didn't just offer Lorelai a gigantic no strings attached loan some episodes back and he couldn't afford to lose a few sugar packets. Jess emerges from upstairs with Rory close behind him after being out of sight and alone with her for several minutes and for once Lorelai doesn't seem all that concerned that Jess could have been having 2 minutes of raw unprotected sex with her daughter. Remember when she said Christopher got her pregnant in under 10 minutes (lmaaaao, what a sick burn) so she can't leave Rory and Jess unsupervised?

She's even being suspciously nice to him. Huh. Weird. Oh, right, Teach me Tonight is coming up so she's just conserving her energy.

Jess says Rory is gonna break his neck and Rory replies at least it's not his arm.

J: "I need my arm for jerking off." How many masturbation jokes can I fit into one post?

To be continued.

[literaticat]

Why do agents like phone calls so much? It seems unique to that profession, I don't see that much phone enthusiasm from other industry people. I feel like from a logical standpoint email is much more efficient if you pitch something or talk about edits or something since you've got an overview and don't have to remember it all?

??? do they ???

I don't think agents particularly "like phone calls" much more than any other group of people does -- some like them, some are indifferent, some loathe them I'm sure. Some editors like them, some are indifferent, some loathe them I'm sure.

(And some editors -- not many, but SOME -- are ghosts on email and the only way of possibly getting hold of them is by phone. The same is also probably true of some agents! Not many, but some!)

Anything important that really you need to remember or reference again in the future will come via email. If anything is discussed in a call that requires further action, it should be memorialized in a follow-up email -- and if anyone ever calls you and says "I'd like to offer BLAH BLAH NUMBERS NUMBERS BLAH" (which happens to me quite often!) -- you just say, "Great, can you send that via email! Thanks!"

Personally, aside from weekly scheduled zoom agency meetings which I am not counting in this assessment -- I spend maybe 15-30 minutes per week on the phone, max. If there is the occasional week where I have an hour long call, there are also many weeks where I have no calls at all. I think the same is probably true of many agents.

On the flip side, I could spend easily five hours a day JUST doing email. Not reading manuscripts or contracts, not looking at royalty statements or editing or answering Tumblr questions -- JUST answering and sending email after email after blessed email. (I usually DON'T do it for five hours at a time, because I also do all those other things, but I COULD, and I still wouldn't be done, because it's never-ending.)

The only (ONLY) time I need to have a call or zoom with an author is before I offer to sign somebody -- "The Call" as writers call it -- so that they can get to know me, I can get to know them, and any questions they might have can be answered, etc.

SOME authors, it might surprise you to know, actually do really prefer to call or zoom to have "what's next" chats, and that's fine, I'm happy to do that if they want to, particularly if we haven't touched base in a while, so they can catch me up on whatever they are doing, and vice versa. It can definitely be helpful if you are workshopping ideas or something, because actually, that is an interactive and iterative process. If you are telling me about what your next project is, and I can ask questions and have a real-time conversation about it, and you are expressing your enthusiasm to me -- that might be more effective than a dry paragraph in an email, yanno? Enthusiasm is contagious! (But again, if anything important happens, or there are action items, that's what a follow-up email is for!)

That being said, not every author wants to do that, and that's absolutely fine, too. Aside from The Call and When A Client Asks For A Call, the only time I would ever want to have a call with an author or an editor is A) if it is something sensitive that I don't feel comfortable writing down for some reason, like, I need your social security number, or I need to tell you about a piece of HOT GOSSIP -- OR B) if it truly would be much faster than an email -- like we are having a back-and-forth conversation that needs to be finished quickly, and just picking up the phone and asking the three questions for ten seconds and getting the answers RIGHT THEN is easier than waiting for each of us to type, etc etc. Like please, let me get back some of my day from the tyranny of my inbox and just ask this in real time, thank you.

Finally: Any phone enthusiasm you think literary agents possess is, I promise, absolutely ECLIPSED by the passion that Hollywood people have for the phone. They LOVE to call anyone and everyone, ALL THE LIVE-LONG DAY, including after hours in NY because they are in LA and forget about the time difference. For something, for nothing, for any reason or no reason at all. IF they email, they tend to be extremely brief to the point of uselessness, because, no doubt, they are emailing from their phones in their cars while stuck in traffic. IT'S A NIGHTMARE, ACTUALLY.

[bookwyrminspiration]

re: your tags on a recent answer sayingabout reading stellarlune that stellarlune is only your second hated bc legacy is worse

i haven't read legacy in a hot minute so *chinhands* wanna tell me more?

i don't remember anything important from it except the whole Alvar thing (which, honestly, you're telling me the Neverseen had a method to completely wipe a guy's brain only to perfectly restore it with a certain trigger, and nobody talked about it again??) And I somewhat remember the trolls? great-aunt Luzia Vacker put a troll farm on her property for some reason i don't remember, then for some reason moved away from it and left it on the property out of her control? Wack

oh and i do remember being wildly annoyed by the ending, where sophie spends like twelve books up to this point vocally refuting the matchmaking system and not wanting to do it, but then she turns around and does it after all?? (and okay, i can admit that she probably did it bc she really loves fitz and like, if he'll only accept her if the matchmakers allowed it, then perhaps through the power of love it'll work out for her? but it doesn't, so she and fitz have to make hard decisions about their lives.) So yeah actually give me your matchmaking/legacy ending thoughts too!

I'd love to! However, you did just describe the plot of Flashback, not Legacy, so I'll try to cover both of them briefly

Flashback I'm mostly neutral on--I do enjoy the sophitz before Shannon started their forced crash (in Legacy, part of the reason I dislike it), and exploring Tam's potential with shadowflux is lovely since I love him. Few clarifications: Luzia made a secret alliance with the trolls to hide their hive, since it's their biggest vulnerability; she moved away because she needed more space. Apparently during that time, Luzia helped with experiments on them--but the hive left there was closed on their side, so Luzia wasn't part of the most recent batch; my guess is she thought it was inactive and abandoned, otherwise she wouldn't let the new Vackers live there

But yes, I was incredibly underwhelmed by its ending. Coming out of books where the cliffhanger is her entire family's been kidnapped, Alvar's lost his memories, her being ineligible for a pairing system I don't care about as the final reveal is like...ok. and? but, I do acknowledge this is entirely biased by my aromanticism and relationship anarchy. I simply don't give a shit. sophie, however, does. so I understand why from her pov that's a massive bombshell, and very stressful. i'm just not the audience for that reveal

unfortunately for me, that ending sets up a major part of the next book, which is why Legacy is my least favorite. I want to be very upfront and say my least favorite. this is my ranking based on my personal interests and enjoyment, it's absolutely fine if you (general) like Legacy. this is incredibly biased and opinionated

OKAY, so. I simply cannot get myself to care about Sophie's relationship woes, and they're not even written true to the characters! That thing I said about a forced crash? It's like as soon as they got together, Shannon decided the loss of hidden crush drama was too much, and she immediately sabotaged them to make up for it. This post gives a good example, adding a fake time crunch to make it seem more important and blaming Fitz. And the thing about Fitz being like "you wouldn't want to not find your parents, right?" when one of the first trust exercises they did together she told him directly she didn't want to because she thought she'd hate them. And they didn't brush past it! They talked about it a little! But of course now he's conveniently forgotten

If it was compelling, I could accept their demise. But it's not! It feels like drama for drama's sake, and it's just frustrating to read. With the seven books we spent building up to them, imploding everything about them in one book without any pay off is like...why. Just why. and it comprises SO MUCH of the story! Sophie's always thinking about it, prioritizing it, worrying about it, and I! am not here for that. Which is entirely a personal preference thing. i've been in a qpr for years, relationship anarchy is my normal, and it's just so...exhausting? reading her thoughts about how her life is going to be ruined and everyone's going to hate her. first of all, that's clearly an overreaction and I'm not believing this tension for a second. second, boo fucking hoo. you're atypical. join the club and stop moaning about how it sucks to be us. she's on a learning/acceptance curve, I know, but that doesn't make it fun to hear that kind of rhetoric--especially since I'm fairly certain Shannon wrote this without that in mind at all

I am aware I'm being mean to Sophie. I can logically understand all her beliefs and actions, and I know they're suited to her, her background, her values, and where she is in life right now. on a technical level, I get it. that doesn't mean emotionally I enjoy it, even if there's a reason to it all. it's simply a part of the story I, as an aromantic person, dislike. and that is my experience and opinion, I am in no way speaking for others.

so to summarize: I hate how the characters were handles and how sophie thinks of matchmaking in Legacy, and those things were a significant portion of the book, so I don't like it in general. personally. my very biased and emotionally driven opinion :)

[sarahsmi13s]

tell me all! <3

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

X: A character you enjoy making suffer?

seb!! hi! ❤❤❤

B:

none of the stand alone fics currently up have happened to me but i do have one in the works about my experience in college

however...

coach grant in action pt 2 (HC) was based on my senior year softball season, more specifically the ball getting hit foul but the called it a home run... absolute bs

we didn't win state but we did go from district (champs) to regionals (runner ups) to state (lost the second round)

F:

this is a snip from Picture Perfect Tattoos (highly recommended read 😉)

As you wrote little notes down, Bradley noticed a polaroid photo sitting on your desk. He picked it up and looked at it.

It was a photo of you on, what looked like, a dorm bed. You had less tattoos than you do now, but you look more or less the same.

“That was when I was in college, those were the days.” He could hear the fond smile before he looked up and saw it. “You look beautiful.” He watched the blush creep up your cheeks before smirking and looking back at the photo.

His cocky smile turned into a soft smile as he remembered his father. “My dad loved polaroids, he said they capture natural beauty in its purest form, that they memorialized a moment in a way no digital camera ever could. I couldn’t tell you how many polaroids he had of him and Mav up in the sky, or of me when I was barely walking, or of my mom when she was mid laugh.”

Tears had stung your eyes a little as Rooster confided in you.

You wrote down ‘polaroid’ and circled it. This was something you felt needed to be in the tattoo.

I love having Rooster talk about his dad. And polaroids have always been a part of Bradley's life.

and this is a set up for this

You went to your desk to grab the fresh, clean roll of cling wrap and cut off a piece to wrap around his arm. “I’ll make sure you take proper care of that,” you said, going back to your desk.

That’s when you noticed it.

Finn had managed to find your old polaroid on your desk and snapped a beautiful moment of you and Bradley as you tattooed him.

You were tattooing him and he had obviously said something that made you laugh. Your head was thrown back and Bradley had this look of pure adoration on his face as he looked at you. “You look like your mom there,” he pointed out over your shoulder. You glanced back at him and then the photo, “And you look like your dad.”

You would take that photo home and put it in the album you had right in between a photo of your parents and a photo of his parents.

Honestly that piece was so fun to write and if you every need some Bradley fluff, it's got quiet a bit

K:

the angstiest thing is definitely a four way tie between:

Hesistation Duckie (a series) Find Piece in the Changing Colors Natural Disasters

and maybe I love you, Cowboy but that being angst was an accident 😅

T:

I don't think there are tropes I can't stand or don't like

I think I just have to be in a mood for a particular trope (if that make sense)

and there is a big possibility that I haven't been exposed to every trope so I don't really know if there's one I just will not read

but i'm willing to try anything once

X:

Now this may come as a shock to everyone...

but Jake Seresin...

most of my angst is centered around him because you have to force the man to show emotion

and out of like "ocs" or readers in my series

Duckie Bradshaw hasn't had a break in HOT minute

thank you so so much for your ask seb! these were fun to answer! love ya babes *mwah* ❤❤❤

ask me!

[purpleyoonn]

i haven’t been on in a hot minute because life is overwhelming. but i see you have so many new fics that i need to get started on!!! omg so excited to read more from you.

update on me: my mom and i are going through my grandmothers things finally. it’s very… surreal at times. cause it’s just like “wow she’s really gone”. but also i’m learning more about my grandmother and i thought i knew a lot about her. and also classes are taking a toll. i’m in three different writing courses: contemporary art history (it’s a lot of academic writing), fiction, and creative nonfiction. plus two arts: print media and a print making class. i mean don’t get me wrong i’m actually loving my classes but i am so overwhelmed. the course work is exhausting and ugghhh. on top of everything depression has started to try and kick in which is so not fun. i was doing so well too 😭

anyway, i hope you are having a good day and you have a restful weekend!! it’s been storming all day today which has made my little depressed spell worse 🥴 i’ve missed escaping through your writing so i’m glad to be back!! -✍🏻

to be honest, I think I haven't answered this ask yet because im kind of jealous. im so happy that you got to actually go through your grandmothers things and be able to cherish those memories.

I didn't get that with my mother, unfortunately. when she passed, my grandmother, before my sisters and I could even like, actually come to terms with my moms passing, went through everything, claiming it was all hers or something she had given my mom. we didn't get any jewelry or clothes or anything. we were "saved" by my moms boyfriend who had kept her bag of things from when she was in the hospital the night-ish before. so I got the necklace my mom wore for years, adding additions on as time went by, my older sister got her favorite sweatshirt, and my younger sister got her favorite blanket. that is literally all we have left of our mom. besides her ashes.

im so happy that classes are going good though! I wish I could have taken more art classes in college, but I tend to think differently than my teachers and have almost had beef with every art teacher ive ever had. I have a love of using pen and ink as a medium, and I love sketching. I also have gotten into painting.

fun fact, ive never taken a creative writing course...like ever. I don't like being told what to do, and in being told to write like a poem or a non fiction piece, I would have rather gouged my eyes out. I also didn't like that I would be judged on my writing and graded on if I "fit the criteria" assigned to me. like its a creative writing course why am I being graded on my creativity??

I hope you like the new stories/chapters ive put out and im sorry I didn't answer this sooner🥺

[whoiskt]

2022 draws to a close... it is time now... the questions...

1: What did you do in 2022 that you’d never done before?

WENT TO THE OCEAN!!! BABEY WE FINALLY MADE IT!

Also wrote a TV pilot script which has altered the course of my future in ways that are yet to be determined....

I did some other things, of course, but nothing as big as those. Like, I went to the renaissance faire, and tried hot pot, poisoned myself with mold. Just a tastes of some firsts.

2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I made... so many. It was too much. 

Read 10 books--- Yeah, I technically have started and failed to complete many books. This does include Dracula -_- I’m so bad at finishing things. I’m trying to finish one before New Years.

Go to an event I wouldn’t normally attend--- I mean, I did go to the ren faire... so I want to count this.

Run a mile in less than 12 minutes outdoors--- I didn’t try lmao once it was warm enough to run outdoors I had completely forgotten.

Apply for at least 4 jobs a week----

I was trying to film a second a day too and that ended in... February. 

Yeah, anyways, I don’t know. I got to be more reasonable.

3: Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nay! Least you count all the girlies at work.

4: Did anyone close to you die?

Nay!

5: What countries did you visit?

I’m still working on that ok?

6: What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022?

Watch as KT chooses “career” for the fourth year in a row... Honestly, no. I’m going to say a feeling of community. That’s what I really want.

7: What dates from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I will probably forget everything. I still remember the queen died on the 8th of September. I don’t know why I remember that but I doubt it will last.

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Writing the script. I mean, it has changed a bit, and will continue to, but it was a big step in this journey I’m on. And as you know, I rarely finish things I start, so this was a big deal. Even if it never sees the light of day.

I read it to my family at Christmas and my oldest bro-in-law told me to keep making it because he likes it.... HUGE compliment coming from him.

I have also written the outlines for several other episodes for this not-real TV show of mine. I think I’m up to 5 outlines, in addition to the script. So, yeah. Even if it never gets to TV I might make it into a webcomic. Like, I'll make a pact that if I haven't gotten it made by the time I'm 30, I'll start making it into a webcomic instead.

Plus, I’ve been working a lot on my portfolio. I need to finish that up in January and then I’ll be applying for grad school! Scary but exciting. 

9: What was your biggest failure?

My biggest failure of the year was probably whenever I applied and interviewed for that broadcasting job. I was really bummed that I didn’t get the job because of the following reasons:

1) It was “the perfect” job for me, I was perfectly qualified and it was in the perfect place, as close as I could get to my “dream job” without leaving the state.

2) There was three (3!) openings. The odds should have been in my favor

3) I knew someone who was already working there. Just embarrassing to me like, ok, so he knows I didn’t get the position. We went to school together our resumes were VERY similar ya know? How did I not get it?

But my biggest failure did lead me to self-reflect. The job search the last few years has been so hard. Getting this rejection was a very big “I can’t do this anymore” moment, so I was thinking, what has brought me satisfaction in all this? The answer was the TV show I write in my notes app.

And because I believe in that enough, I guess I’m going to go do that now instead. Either way, it’s been really fucking nice since then to have just completely given up on the job search. Just so nice.

10: Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes, first I was sick... idk some time in Spring. Then I drank mold and became poisoned that way, so that was fun. And this last week I’ve had a stomach bug so wooo! I look forward to being well again.

11: What was the best thing you bought?

I bought the new tablet. It is really nice. But it would really only be useable thanks to Will, letting me borrow his computer all the time these days. 

12: Whose behavior merited celebration?

I respect all my friends for their behavior and growth or dealing with challenges. It was tough ages 18-24 dealing with losing friends, but now the people I choose to surround myself never worry me, or shock me, or even come close to disgusting me. That’s not something I could have said when I was younger (sadly). But now all my friends are super solid and I am proud to know them.

13: Whose behavior made you appalled?

I don’t know... sometimes my coworkers do stuff but I wouldn’t call it outright appalling? At worst it’s petty drama or bootlicking. But I’m very good at leaving things at work so I don’t care.

14: Where did most of your money go?

They keep increasing the gd rent grrrrr

15: What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The ocean and the beach and the accompanying aura was really cool. I was so excited in general for summer and warm weather, which I think I’m just thinking about because I want it really bad right now. 

Chainsaw Man anime! It’s been great showing it to Will, now he knows who tf I’m talking about.

16: What song will always remind you of 2022?

I really don’t listen to pop songs anymore but on our drive to the east coast we discovered Brick + Motar which has become a staple in our home, so pretty much all their songs.

17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?

I’m probably in all ways about the same. This is what I talk about when I say all the last few years have been a blur because things really don’t get better or worse they just stay the same.

18: What do you wish you’d done more of?

Focusing on finishing things I started. Running theme here, I know, lmao

19: What do you wish you’d done less of?

Play stupid little games on my phone. I seriously get addicted to these things.

20: How did you spend Christmas?

Went home. It was really brief this year. I'll make sure my visit next year is an extended stay.

21: Did you fall in love in 2022?

Never stopped.

22: What was your favorite TV program?

Some things I enjoyed this year: Severance, What We Do in the Shadows, Arcane, Chainsaw Man, Spy x Family, Jojo Part 6, Bee and Puppycat: Lazy in Space, Fringe, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Gravity Falls, and many docs.

23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nah.

24: What was the best book you read?

I have been and should be finished reading “The Song of Achilles” soon. I enjoy it because before I played Hades, and as a former greek mythology kid, I hadn’t heard of Patroclus, and I enjoy learning more about him..

25: What was your greatest musical discovery?

I did a lot of musical discovery this year. Like, more than usual, probably not a lot compared to most people. First off, I discovered Of Montreal (not from Montreal sus) TV on the Radio, and of course my Spotify top song of the year: “Heart It Races” by Architecture in Helsinki (I have yet to listen to a single other song of theirs because I just know nothing can top this).

Will discovered Brick + Mortar, and Fish in a Birdcage, which I have coveted.

I have also enjoyed That Handsome Devil and Spoon. Although there is more diving to do with them.

26: What did you want and get?

New drawing tablet. 

27: What did you want and not get?

New laptop. My tastes are just too expensive and so I ended up using the money for other things.

28: What was your favorite film of this year?

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE!

29: What one thing that made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Writing things for myself and then reading them off to Will. Oh, yeah, my TV show has a fan! Just greenlight me baby!

30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2022?

Visions from higher powers. But mostly I don’t wear pants at home. I’m not wearing pants as I write this.

31: What kept you sane?

Socializing. Going outside. Going for walks. Music. My notes app.

32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I don’t care about celebrities but I do care about Aki Hayakawa.

33: What political issue stirred you the most?

I lost rights this year so..... oof.

34: Who did you miss?

My kitty cat. 

35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022.

I learned not to compromise on quality of life? Life is filled with dreams. You gotta follow the string of satisfaction. 

It’s easy to get caught up in a stream of “well I have to do this, and then that, and then I’ll be happy.” Which is pretty much how I have lived my life up to this point. I went to college because I thought it was a step to happiness. I wasn’t happy while doing it. I should have done something else, I think. It was unhappy times. 

Like, I don’t really like my job, it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life, or even a year more, but it’s something I can do now, while pursuing other things that DO satisfy me... and THAT’S the satisfaction I have in my life. Before, it was just a step while I waited for something better. But I realize that’s not a good way to live life.

36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

[thesinglesjukebox]

FEIN & ATL JACOB - "LUNA"

And with this, our second month being BACK!BACK!BACK!! concludes. See you in April, and let us know in the comments if there's a song you'd like us to cover!

[5.75]

Julian Axelrod: There comes a time in every young producer's career where they attempt to become A Name: not a Jack Antonoff-style brand, but a more achievable lifestyle of equal billing on collabs, feature-filled solo albums, and festival slots that feel like DJ sets that feel like mid-career retrospectives. ATL Jacob sounds like a name you'd save in your phone after a one-night stand, but he's attempting to become a household name. And like Metro Boomin before him, he's diversifying his portfolio by expanding into international waters. Feid has been attempting a similar breakthrough for nearly a decade, so you'd think this shared hunger would translate into an electric collaboration. Instead, it feels more like a competent brand expansion. Jacob's busy drums and flickering synths split the difference between Tainy and Owl City, while Feid's lovelorn croon seeps into the empty space of the beat like Justin Bieber in his Jack Ü/Major Lazer era. It's not terribly exciting, but maybe it's working: four hours before I wrote this, Spotify published a "This Is ATL Jacob" playlist. That's called name recognition, baby. [6]

Nortey Dowuona: ATL JAKE ATL JAKE TURN INTO A TIGER STOP MAKING FOOD UNIVERSE TOTE BAG REGGAETON PLS [3]

TA Inskeep: Not sure what makes this autotuned reggaeton single so different, why this has become the global smash that others haven't. It's perfectly serviceable and perfectly average. ATL Jacob's beat sounds like a preset, while Feid comes across as a baby Bunny, perhaps without the personality. Maybe that's the answer? [5]

Ian Mathers: "Luna" does what feels like just one thing the whole time but manages to make it a virtue. It helps that the singer sells the performance like a steady undertow of yearning. [7]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Sad sexy, as in looking hot while being sad? Or sexy sad, as in performing heartbreak so tenderly it’s attractive?  [7]

Katherine St. Asaph: A pleasant bit of droning sweetness, the kind of thing that Drake has attempted dozens of times but that his inherent Drakeness prevents him from pulling off. [5]

Leah Isobel: Feid's sad-robot-boy vibrato gives this open desert of a reggaeton track a pleasantly mournful, posthuman sheen; it's a mode that always works for me. There should really be another minute or so of [wordless outro vocalizing] to drive home the indulgent drama. [7]

Taylor Alatorre: The extravagant presence of ATL Jacob makes this seem even more like the product of someone who wants to feel sad, who wants to luxuriate in the recollection of a recent breakup because of the sense of profundity it brings, or because mucking around in our lucid memories is more fun and safe than stumbling through the unstructured present. That’s pretty relatable, even if most of us aren’t able to call up the “WAIT FOR U” producer to help make those feelings manifest. [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[anothershittydiaryblog]

My ex called...

My ex (who we'll call Zo) called me last night. I'm currently spending time with Sunshine at their home and the time I've spend here has been so relaxing. I've spent my days under warm blankets and drinking hot tea. Watching the sunrise and rain fall. The gloom of this state has me hooked honestly. I don't want to admit it but I want to move out here. I just don't want anyone to think its because Sunshine lives out here... But that would be the icing on the cake.

Just after Sunshine got home from work, while they were in the shower and after I had started cooking dinner, Zo calls me on Facebook Messenger of all apps. He called to tell me that he was going to be making a dangerous drive to work and if something happened to him on the way he wanted me to know that he loves me.

I was thrown for a fucking loop. I haven't heard from him in about a week or two. Not since he left my apartment crying after (regrettably) having sex. We had been trying to do some "will they wont they" "friends with benefits" thing but he's still not over the breakup and I'm still not over the events that proceeded the breakup.

I guess I owe you guys (aka the negative four people who's reading this) an explanation. It's a long one so I'll make that a whole post on its own. I may schedule it to come out before this one so there's more context. (meta)

Every time I hear from Zo, he can't help but tell me how much he misses me and how much worse his life is without me. He's always apologizing for what he did but, he doesn't even truly know what all he did. If you would have asked me two weeks ago if I truly wanted him out of my life I may not have been able to give an honest answer, but now, I'm sure I don't want him around.

His phone call genuinely scared me. It felt like what happened that night was about to happen all over again. I thought he was calling me giving me a heads up that he was planning on hurting himself. All these painful memories started rushing back in. Every word, every tear, every hole in the drywall flooded my memory.

I told Sunshine that Zo called and I know they could tell something was wrong. They kept asking me if I was ok or if I need some space. They could see that I was in distress and was looking for some way to help me feel better. I feel like an asshole every time I say that I'm fine when I'm really not. Like I'm denying us an opportunity for honesty. We're not even officially in a relationship but how can I expect them to want one when I can't bring myself to admit when I'm not ok.

I even started getting pissy and emotional. They didn't deserve that. Sunshine asked me why my voice sounded like I was choking up when talking and I didn't even realize that I was. I was. I was definitely (rather successfully) holding back tears. Even after getting called out I didn't open up. I kept saying I'm fine and kept trying to hide my obvious signs of anxiety.

My voice was straining. I was rubbing my legs excessively. I even had to pee every ten minutes. I was staring off into space thinking about nothing. (I think I do that when I'm trying to repress a memory.) I couldn't even finish the seared tuna steaks I cooked for dinner because I got nauseous.

Sunshine, who doesn't even watch TV, suggested I watch something. Adventure Time has been my comfort show since the breakup. I'm already on season eight. If you've watched the show you'll know that it's not nearly as light hearted at this point in the series. Finn apologizing to Flame Princess nearly made me cry. And watching him acknowledge that he's encountered a great amount of loss to a singing hole in the ground hit harder than I expected. I found myself after a few episodes just zoning out while Adventure Time played. I just turned off the tv and went to bed with Sunshine who proceeded to drape a weighted blanket over me. I needed that.

I don't deserve them...

[amazing-spiderling]

So for the two ask games: 3,12, 17, 21, 36, 49 for murderdock and 4, 9, 13, 23, 27, 31, 35, 44 for Gwen, then 🧭, ♻️, 🤔, ❤️!

I think I already answered all of those WIP asks (and honestly, I don't have that many going at a time) so I'll answer the character asks!

MURDERDOCK:

3. Obscure headcanon

The Hand tried to diversify their portfolio by breaking into the entertainment industry, starting in Japan with musical groups. Matt had a short-lived stint as a solo artist but the project was eventually scrapped. He still misses it sometimes. Nobody knows about this until Foggy finds a beat up CD case in used music store one day and spends a full minute gawking at the familiar brooding face on the cover.

12. Crack headcanon

I just think it would be funny if he was a vegetarian. I don't even know that I consider this a headcanon, it would just be funny if the guy going around murdering people with his sword cane ate a lot of tofu.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

I've made a few playlists over the years, but a song I haven't had a chance to put on one yet is "Promiseland" by Mika

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)

Robbi Rodriguez has art of him with a martini glass on his IG and I decided it was an appletini not because he likes the flavor but because he's committed to the bit. In the privacy of his own home, I see him as an unsweetened hot green tea kind of guy

36. Their favorite season

Winter. There's less people around, the snow helps muffle the sound and things smell less when they're cold.

49. Favorite toy as a child

Gwen Stacy (65 I presume)

4. Favorite line

"But if the only way I can help is with my fists -- then I've already lost. I have to try a different way. I have to know I tried."

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character

I read Spider-Verse before it was cool (JKJK I mean before the first movie because I was deep in my Spider-Man era) and there's a part in the story where a lot of the main Spider-People split up into pairs to go and visit other universes to recruit more heroes/ ward off the Inheritors etc. Gwen ends up in a world where Peter Parker has become the Goblin, going down a path not too dissimilar from her own Peter's. This Peter also ends up dying in her arms, but she shows a great deal of compassion and understanding towards him and I think that was the moment that really made me want to check out her series. (Which had been written at the time I read that comic, but didn't exist when it had been written, which I think speaks to how good of a job that one scene did at developing a character who had literally just been invented.)

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done

Not dumbest in that it was a conscious decision she made, but her complete misreading of the emotions of her friends (Peter's obvious crush on her, MJ's annoyance at Gwen's missing Peter's crush on her, MJ's jealousy and motivation for creating the band in general) sort of stretches the limit of general obliviousness, especially since she CAN read people when she's trying to.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?

Backstage sweat and like... raspberry body spray from the drugstore

27. Their guilty pleasure

I'm low-key obsessed with Dollar Dog and I love that for Gwen. I wouldn't say she felt guilty about it before it became a hipster nightclub but she sure does now. I hope it fell out of fashion and Mr. Alby got to run it again.

31. If the had a tumblr what would it look like?

She stayed up late one night picking out some cool colors, hot pink, purple, something very chillwave, and like a very heavily filtered landscape photo of the city to go at the top- she posted semi-regularly for a month and a half and then forgot about it.

35. Their idea of a perfect day

She gets to sleep through most of it, but wakes up and finds out that her dad has invited her over for brunch and she's got time to make it and pick up juice on the way.

44. Their happiest memory

Probably something like a middle school holiday spent with her parents and the Parker family. Before things got complicated. She understands now that the roots of her larger problems were always there, but she can appreciate the comfort her innocence afforded her back then.

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Hi! This isn't on the fic writer ask game, but I'd been meaning to ask you for a while and this reminded me. I've been reading (more like binging/devouring lol) everlark fics for about a year now, after re-reading it last spring. I'm wondering if you have any fics to recommend that you remember really liking that might be more "off the beaten path/hidden gems" for someone like me. (1/2)

Like it's less likely I'd have come across them on rec lists or old tumblr posts. For example, I read and loved FML by opacity after I stumbled on an old post of yours recommending it. Not saying stories weren't popular when published, just maybe less likely I'd come across them now. No worries about answering if you can't think of any, but I'm always looking for new-to-me stories/authors now that I've read so many. Thanks! :) (2/2)

****

Hey, love! I'm so sorry it took me awhile to answer this one. I have a crap memory when it comes to things like this, especially since I used to read so much more fic than I do now. But! I managed to think up a few fics and writers that might interest you but you're sadly less likely to see their names here abouts on tumblr within the past two years. My apologies if I'm repeating some of the same recommendations that were on that post you referred to here or if they are ones you've already explored.

@everlarkbirthdaydrabbles This was a project run by @peetabreadgirl, @xerxia31, and @burkygirl. The pieces on it are written by a range of writers who were active several years ago. Some of the names may be familiar, others not so much. They ran it for a whole year, maybe two(?), but it's been a hot minute since the blog was active and I am not sure that everything on there got transferred to ao3 or ff. So Happy Reading!

While you're at it, here are their individual ao3 accounts. They all have a lot of great stuff to read, and they often collaborated on pieces together so odds are good that if you enjoy one of them as writers, you'll love all three.

I highly recommend The Night Belongs to Lovers and The One from Burky.

From xerxia check out For Unto Us and Your Mark on My Soul, both of which are two of my personal faves from her. I also have her fic Flashover on my To Read list. Sadly have not yet had a chance to tuck into it yet.

I'm also going to mention a piece that burky and xerxia wrote together -- The Biggest Fan -- because it is not only squish your cheeks adorable but it is also a fantastic ode to the fandom and some of the fanfiction writers at the time it was written, but I will confess shamelessly that this is not an unselfish recommendation as yours truly (and one of my stories) makes a kind of cameo appearance in it as does @mega-aulover hehehe.

And here is peetabreadgirl's ao3. Personally, I recommend Lost and Found and Writer's Block, but again, there are a lot of excellent fics to choose from her as well.

Another writer who I absolutely love love LOVE, and if you haven't checked out her Everlark, you definitely should. @deinde-prandium. Here is her AO3. In my opinion, you can't go wrong with any of her stuff.

Hurry Hard is *chef's kiss* and I gotta give a shoutout for two of my all time fave drabbles ever, In the Background and The Murder Game. Before you finish scouring her page, read Video Relay/Lost in Translation and pester her for an update.

One more excellent Everlark writer to check out is @peetaspikelets. Ao3 here. Her fic Wanted is one of my all time faves asdafsdhsklgfdkjsngsl. So good. Unf.

[bookwyrminspiration]

hi quil! got another question about sophie's parents since your answer to the last ask inspired me: do you think there might have been another option for william and emma after the events of Nightfall?

i don't really like how they were treated by the plot and had basically no way to deal with their trauma, considering that emotions can remain even after memories are Washed, and i have the (probably unsupported by plot) wish that they should have been allowed to choose whether they wanted to have their memories washed or to try to deal with all their trauma whilst keeping the Lost Cities a secret. I know Amy didn't get captured and tortured, but they gave her the choice to keep her memories and she was like twelve, so i feel like her parents should have been given the choice and were also better able to deal with it all.

(not to mention, i feel like it'd be easier to keep a secret as a family instead of Amy having to spend literally the rest of her life being unable to tell her parents about her secret sister)

Oh and a disclaimer, i haven't read nightfall in a hot minute so maybe i've forgotten some plot points!

Hello again! I don't think you've forgotten anything crucial, that was pretty much what happened. However, I don't think--and this is just my personal opinion and conclusions--there's really anything major that could be changed because of time constraints.

It was unfair to Emma and William on a number of levels, taken care of by others who presumed to know what was best for them when they hadn't been trusted with that responsibility by the two. But her human parents have already served their purpose in the story; they raised Sophie, gave a view of her human life, and they were left behind. We don't need more from them, and anything else that does involve them is going to be purely for the emotional, personal benefits of a select few characters.

It would be an intense, involved process for our main character, and most of all take time. And that time wouldn't connect to the rest of the plot and world. Her human parents aren't connected or involved in anything enough on any tangible level to make the massive diversion from the rest of the world worth it. We can't just take a break from the rest of the series, and trying to balance the two would just make it more difficult to write rather than choosing one or the other. You can only split your focus between so much, and the Fosters would want more time, I think.

If this was a real situation? Yeah, I do think there's better options that actually involve the Fosters, considering their input and dealing with the trauma they faced. Perhaps letting them keep the secret, finding some way to work out Sophie being between worlds, letting them know Sophie as she wants to know them, any number of things. But that doesn't happen overnight and there just isn't enough connection to everything else to justify taking that time out of the middle of the series; it's purely for their relationship and benefit--which is important, but just not enough.

I do think this is the kind of thing that could be postponed to the end of the series and then revisited though, because once all the big conflict is over, there's all the time in the world (provided Sophie/her family doesn't perish). We could have one of those ambiguous ending scenes where the Neverseen has been defeated, she's got herself a little sorted out, and she knocks on the door to her family's home and introduces herself or something.

They don't need to be completely eradicated from the story forever, but I think the time they'd take is most plausibly addressed after the series. I think it's a constraint of storytelling, and that if this were a real life situation then we could change it. But again! This is my personal opinion and how I think it would work/not work!

[nanaminokanojo]

BLOOM | Sukuna X You | Part 1/3

CHARACTERS: Sukuna X You | Gojo Satoru | Geto Suguru | Shoko Ieiri | Maki | Fushiguro Toji | Baby Megumi | Megumi's Mom (OC) CHAPTER COUNT: 1/3 WORD COUNT: 8900+ GENRE: romance | fluff | slight angst | (eventual) smut | ooc sukuna | female reader CHAPTER TRIGGER WARNING: profanity/strong language | alcohol use | cigarette smoking | age gap | unhealthy simping XD SPOILERS: N/A

collection masterlist

one two three | Bloom Masterlist

His hair was the color of cherry blossoms, that's the first thing you noticed. It was the softest shade of pink, easy on the eyes, reminding you of the tendrils of filtered rays of the sun lightly touching the edges of clouds very early in the morning. Or your favorite angora wool sweater.

The man stole your attention from the book you were reading when you chanced a look from your periphery just to check who sat on the stool beside your usual spot on the bar – the seat at the very end by the wall. Your planned glance turned into a furtive stare at the sight of him from his candy-floss-hued hair, the rippling muscles hidden under his white oxford shirt and the array of tattoos that peeked through his neatly folded sleeves. And boy, since when did men smell like vanilla and spring while also exuding such a virile scent?

A smile tugged at the corners of your mouth at the thought, internally shaking your head at your behavior. You should not be staring at people, and though you weren't exactly ogling him, you were still observing him enough to associate him with your favorite article of winter clothing.

"Hey. The usual for you?" you heard Maki, the bar owner, ask, giving you the idea that the man was a regular. How you haven't spotted him before was a mystery.

If it was already hard concentrating on the novel you were reading, you've completely forgotten about it when you heard him say, "Make that single-malt." It's either the gates of hell opened at the sudden heat you felt on your skin at the sound of his voice or the gates of heaven did with how delicious it sounded in your ear, thick like honey and deep with a distinct ring to it. It got you wondering what his mother craved for when she was pregnant with him, and your brain said, "Greek gods," when you lifted your eyes from the current page you were reading and briefly exchanged looks with him as he shifted his line of vision from Maki to you.

You turned your eyes back to your book, making it seem like you were just absently looking about, but in reality, it took herculean effort to wrench your gaze from him. In that brief meeting of your eyes, the features of his face registered in your head like a bar code scanner, etching itself in your mind like a white-hot brand. He wasn't shockingly handsome, but he was beautiful in his own right with those intense eyes that reminded you of drowning pools and the rugged yet refined planes of his face. It was as if an artist painted him in passionate anger, slowly fell in love with the piece and began redefining his features with gentler strokes.

You turned the page of your book despite not getting any reading done. Well, it has been the case for a considerable amount of minutes now, but you tried anyway, furiously staring down at the new page but not comprehending anything. Your eyes kept scanning the same sentence over and over again but it was not sinking in at all.

"Excuse me, miss," that deep voice you've already developed a strange affection for assaulted your senses again, making your head snap up to the direction it was coming from. Hell, you think you'll do its owner's bidding just hearing it at the rate you were going, reacting automatically as if you were programmed with a voice prompt or something.

You were about to look at him but Maki caught your attention as she pushed the smoothie you ordered towards you, placing it precisely in front of you on the hardwood surface with her fingers. She arched a brow at you, causing you to stiffen on your seat.

You've been coming to the quiet little bar since you grew old enough to drink. In fact, you considered it your regular watering hole, going there whenever you can even in the day as it doubled as a gastro-pub. You've already come to know the staff who reserved the spot for you every single time you told them you were coming, particularly the tough but very lovable Maki. She's basically a friend now, and you knew you were acting off if she was giving you odd looks.

"Thanks, Maki," you said just in time, even managing to smile. She just shook her head at you before walking away to tend to another client.

"I have to know what book you are reading," the person beside you said just as you began sipping on your drink, which, you've noted, was a cherry blossom tea smoothie that reminded you of him.

You let go of the straw between your lips, swallowing hard. Turning your attention to him, you found him sitting sideways, chin propped on the heel of his palm as he regarded you. "Huh?" was all you could manage to say to him.

A slow, crooked smile etched itself across his mouth, the action appearing sensuous with the gradual way his expressions changed. "That book," he said for your benefit. "May I know what it is about?"

You just blinked, still questioning yourself if he was addressing you.

"If you're that engrossed about it, it must be great," he said. "Mind telling me the title?"

"Book?" you asked dumbly. He was really frying your brain.

He pointed at the book you were holding with his lips, protruding them slightly before smiling again. Jesus, you loved the way he smiled. The gesture didn't belong there when you've already thought he was the smirking, grinning-devil type. It was too soft a gesture, but then again his hair was shell-pink – a contradiction to his stridently brawny features.

"Oh." Despite yourself, you found yourself chuckling. "I'm sorry, I was distracted."

"Not by the book, I hope."

You looked away, smiling to yourself as you closed the object in question and slid it over to him. When you looked at him, you were surprised to see him actually reading the synopsis at the back, interest flickering in his dark eyes. You were already expecting him to just read the title, probably the author, too, thinking he was just flirting with you judging by his last words. But he was actually reading it.

"It's about an architect," he stated. "He must be mind-blowingly awesome if you're too transfixed on his story."

"No, Howard Roark is mostly a recalcitrant bastard who breaks rules here and there, doesn't cooperate or collaborate and is stone-faced about most anything."

"But it's what you like about him," he supplied.

You nodded. "He’s a breath of fresh air in a world governed by stuffy archaic principles. The spring to a long, stagnant winter of conformity. I'm in love with him." Noticing the look of amusement on his face, you were quick to add, "What?"

"Nothing." His smile didn't waver though. "Are you an architect, too?"

"Too?" you repeated with inflection then tilted your head. "Ah, you're an architect, huh?"

"Guilty."

"Any projects of note?" you asked, tilting your head in wonder when he seemed flustered. "What is it?"

He shook his head slowly. "You're very straightforward."

At that, you grinned. "Should I take you out to dinner before I get that information?" You sipped leisurely at your smoothie, glad that you throw him off as much as he flusters you.

"You don't have to," he found himself answering anyway. "But I work for a firm, so they get most of the credit. We built that new hotel at Shinjuku."

"Eh? Didn't pin you for a baroque kind of guy."

"You know..." He was all ears now judging by how he leaned closer to you. He leveled his expression to yours then. "So, what kind of guy did you think I am?"

There it is, you thought, the smirk you've been waiting for. Without giving it much thought, you said, "The Howard Roark type, of course."

***

"You seriously don't remember, do you?"

It wasn't that you didn't. You simply had no idea how you got home, considering how you ended up all smashed after enjoying too many margaritas after your smoothie. You seriously just didn't know certain things. You didn't know what happened after you reached your limit. And out of all the things you know you should not have missed, you didn't know his name.

You were sitting on the kitchen counter, nursing a headache, trying to fill in every bit of information your friends were trying to leech out of you in your addled state. You've been expecting it - the great inquisition - especially after you returned in a state lesser than they've been expecting, unconscious, according to the collective stories of your roommates, when you told them you were just stepping out to get some reading done. And on a school night, no less. Very atypical of you indeed.

"What should I be remembering?" you responded to Ieiri. You weren't exactly fond of her worrisome nature although you knew she was just watching your back especially since she has been rather disapproving of your escapades with these guys you somewhat dated back then. You appreciated it, but it didn't mean you liked it.

"Oh, I don't know, Y/N. Strawberry blond? Tats? Drives a Jeep? Ring any bells?" she said, jogging your memory. "He came knocking at two in the morning, carrying you in his arms. I mean he was hot according to Satoru, but do you even know the guy?"

“Cherry blossom,” you absently corrected the color Ieiri mentioned.

“Huh?”

“Him, I remember.” You smiled at the thought, not hiding your delight from them. You were sure they were just annoyed that they weren't in on the action since Satoru, your other friend and roommate, who seem nonexistent recently, was the one who interacted with the man you met and supposedly brought you back to the house you rented with all of them. And Satoru doesn't know basic decorum to actually ask what the man’s name was. "Howard."

"Howard?" Suguru, another one of your friends who was in the literature department as you were, asked. "Howard Roark?" He knew the reference, obviously. You forced him to read the book before it even became one of your study materials.

You nodded enthusiastically. "He's an architect."

"He didn't look like a 'Howard,' apparently," Ieiri said.

"That name is from her favorite book," Suguru supplied, his dark eyes shifting to you as he tucked some stray strands of his long, raven locks which were currently tied in a half-up. "So your guy's an architect, too."

"That, but he isn't 'my guy' and I don't know what his name is."

He grinned then. "If you're openly calling him by the name of the character you claim to be in love with, I'm assuming..."

"No!" Ieiri gasped.

You laughed despite the action making your head hurt. You were still hungover after all, but you didn't mind, not when you knew you had a good night. Probably a great night to allow yourself to be hammered like you have been. You only ever drank to your fill when the company is great and when you were in a jovial mood.

"It's nothing like that. He just feels like spring time. Looks like it, too." You waved your hands in front of you for emphasis. Still, your expressions said otherwise.

You weren't in love with the man because you didn't believe in mushy things like love at first sight, but you knew you liked him, just that you weren't getting your hopes up cause there's a chance you might not see him ever again, assuming your meeting was something transient like the blossoms his hair made you think of. Even if he was a regular at Maki's, if your schedules didn't coincide with one another, it would not be easy to meet. You've been coming to the same bar for years and yet, you've only ever seen him that time. You never really know.

But then, you got your answer pretty quickly.

From: Satoru

See you at 7 tomorrow night. Same place.

That’s how Satoru's message read, sent late the previous night. You almost forgot about the agreement you’ve had with him to get unlimited barbecue after sleeping the rest of the day but you made it out just in time. It was something you did with all three of your friends as a way to bond with them individually.

You glanced at the clock on your phone, feeling the stares of the restaurant staff on you. Well, you’ve been there for more than an hour waiting for him. One hour and thirteen minutes to be precise. All you’ve ordered so far was a glass of lemonade and you were able to finish that in the first half hour, sitting on a table for two when evidently, you were alone. All your texts were ignored and your calls were always being redirected to voicemail.

“Where the fuck are you, Gojo Satoru?” you asked him in one of your messages, hissing low into your phone just so the other diners would not be offended by your words. You got a message another twenty minutes later, the sound of your phone almost making you jump from your seat. However, when you looked at it, it was from an unknown number.

You were about to check the message when one of the waitresses came to your table, pad and pen on the ready. She’s always the one who served you whenever you and your friends would go there for a dose of beef and pork fat, and she has always been nice to you.

“Not to be nosy but I think your friend isn’t coming.”

You nodded, grimacing. “Tell me about it.”

“The boss has been giving you the stink eye, too.”

Looking over the counter, you saw the elderly man really looking at you. He looked away when you met his eyes, muttering to himself. You knew how the owner could get, but you simply loved going there since their food is good and the service is just the same. You smiled ruefully at the woman before you. “I’ll have a sukiyaki set and warm sake, please. Thank you.”

“Would that be all?”

“Yeah.”

“Coming right up.” She flashed you a bright smile before disappearing into the back rooms.

You almost forgot the message you saw earlier, but then, your phone lit up again with that familiar tone. The new message was from the same number.

From: Unknown

How are you?

From: Unknown

I hope you’re okay.

You frowned, not having the slightest clue as to who could be texting you.

From: You

Who is this?

Your order came but there was no response from the mystery texter or Satoru. You felt pathetic looking at your phone every once in a while as you ate and drank. Normally, you wouldn’t even have given anybody, including your best friends, the time of the day, making you wait for longer than an hour without as much as a message. You don’t ever wait for people over the agreed meeting time. You hated it with passion. And you were already thinking of ways to make Satoru pay.

You were about to eat a mouthful of beef when you heard the chair across you being dragged back. Your eyes flicked to the direction, and to your utter shock, you almost dropped your chopsticks if it weren’t for the hand that reached out and held onto your hand, securing the utensils.

Once again, you were sitting on your usual spot at the bar, eyes clashing with those intense ones owned by the pink-haired guy who apparently drove a charcoal grey Jeep and reminded you of spring, the same one who drove you home the other night.

“Careful,” he said, his scent assaulting your senses.

A lump formed in your throat, making you unable to form proper words, so you settled for putting down the chopsticks. You folded your hands together on your lap, recovering from your consternation before you finally looked at him, unable to help it but grin. He looked different that day, more laid back in a white baseball cap mussing his candy-floss hair down, a loose-fitting shirt in the same hue and jeans. He looked so fresh, you felt the air around you cool down considerably.

“How did you…” you hesitated and shook you head. “Hello.”

He broke into that crooked smile. “Crazy how the moment you sent the message, I saw you through the glass walls while I drove past.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but closed it again, not quite knowing how to react to it when suddenly, the first part of his statement registered in your mind. “Wait, message?” You picked up your phone, showing him the messages. “This is you?”

He nodded slowly. “Looks like you’re doing great.” He regarded the bottle of sake on the table. “I had to get your number to check up on you. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Y-yeah, I mean, no, not at all. Thank you by the way.” You chuckled, saving his number and naming him Spring God in your contacts. “I wasn’t really expecting you to bring me home.”

“I got your address from your driving license.” He grinned then. “I thought of taking you back to my place, but I didn’t know how that would sit with you.”

Who says chivalry was dead? “I’m sorry for acting crazy, if I did anyway." You chuckled. "I don't remember…and for having to bring me all the way to the house.”

“It’s fine. It was lovely meeting Satoru.”

At that, your face flushed red. You winced. “I’m sorry for whatever he did while I was out of it.” He could be crazy at times, and you wouldn't be surprised if he did something untoward.

He shook his head, letting out a slight chuckle. “He was very nice to me, don’t worry.” He furrowed his brows then. “I also got your name. Y/N. I don’t know if you forgot to tell me or you just didn’t trust me enough, but I’d like to think it’s the former since you didn’t seem to think twice about getting wasted with me like you did.”

You deliberately didn’t tell him your name, but he was making it sound a little nicer. It wasn’t really something you planned on doing again, meeting him, but somehow, he found you. You shook you head, coming clean. “If you put it that way, okay, but really, I thought it was better if you didn’t know.”

“Hmm. Why is that?”

You found it endearing that he tilted his head a bit to the side when he asked the question. Your lips curled upwards at the corner. “I just never thought I’d meet you again.”

“That would be unfortunate.”

You laughed awkwardly at his remark. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way.”

“I’m not offended.”

“Okay.”

You requested for another order of barbecue for him. He declined but you insisted. “Come on. My treat for your act of kindness.” You snickered. “Besides, my supposed date bailed.”

“Date?”

Sighing, you said, “Well, not really. Satoru. We agreed to meet here over an hour ago but he hasn’t been answering my messages or calls. Something probably came up.”

He eyed you thoughtfully. “If you don't mind me asking, is he your...?"

"My what?"

"Your boyfriend…maybe."

You chuckled at the thought, but then you realized you didn't even know his name. "I don't really tell strangers about things like that," you teased.

“Okay, but I thought we’re past being strangers.” He smirked then and you swore you felt your stomach flip.

“We’re in the getting-to-know-each-other phase,” you told him with a laugh, acceding. "Since I didn't tell you my name, I didn't expect you to tell me yours. Plus I didn't ask, so may I have yours?"

"Sukuna," he said. "Ryomen Sukuna."

"Su-ku-na," you repeated, liking the feel of the syllables as they rolled out of your tongue. Finally, the person you've gotten so fond of in just a short time had a name. You didn't know what his name meant but it seemed to match him well regardless of how arbitrary it was to his person. You couldn't think of any better name though. "I like your name. It's pretty." You smiled brightly at him then. "And no, Satoru is not my boyfriend."

Ryomen Sukuna was an absolute puzzle to you. How he could look so badass and pretty much intimidating with his strapping physique and inked skin – throw in the multiple piercings on his left ear which you were noticing or the first time – while also pulling off all these adorable little actuations was a quandary to you. Tall, solidly built men like him should not be reminding you of soft, cute things, but the moment he blinked in confusion, you knew you couldn't get enough of it.

"Nobody ever said that about my name, but thanks," he returned in that deep voice after a moment's pause. And was that a dusting of roses over his cheeks? The surprises you were getting from this man was endless. He really was such a breath of fresh air, so far from the usual stereotypes.

Your face seemed to be perpetually pulled into a smile whenever you were around him, and you didn't think you were doing a good job suppressing the urge to be beaming like an idiot around him. "So, anyway, what made you think that blue-eyed idiot is my boyfriend?" you asked, changing the topic.

"Well, he was a bit hostile at first when he took you from me, making me explain things but then started apologizing after. He told me you could be a handful when inebriated..." He let his voice trail off as if letting you chew on his words.

"You agree with him." It wasn't a question.

"Yes." Sukuna pretended to frown. "He also calls you 'his princess'."

You threw your head back, covering your eyes momentarily in embarrassment. "Now I wish you met Ieiri and Suguru instead," proceeding to explain that the nickname was something akin to what a father would call his precious daughter.

"He was rather intimidating, but I guess he's just looking out for you."

"He's still not off the hook for standing me up," you quipped, "But you finding him intimidating is funny."

"Why?"

You scoffed, gesturing over to him. "I think you can snap him in two if you wished, too."

"He was scary," Sukuna insisted.

"He's harmless...most of the time, but yeah, he’s rather protective. That’s one of my dads for you."

He laughed then. "There's nothing scarier than a fiercely protective friend…or a doting father. I can't muscle my way out of that for sure."

"Ah, then you'll find Ieiri scarier."

The night pretty much went well and ended on a good note. Sukuna did most of the talking for the rest of the night. You learned he was six years older than you at twenty nine, one of the head architects at the firm he worked for, has a love-hate relationship with his job cause he wants to draw portraits instead, was a delinquent when he was younger but got away with things cause he was a straight-A student, loved dogs so much that he cries when they die in movies, was closer to his mom, got his tattoos on a sudden whim, and was pretty much a sweet, charming genuine person which contrasted his appearance. What you see isn't what you get. That just isn't how it worked with him.

You loved it when he talked. It was rather entertaining as he had a way of telling stories which made you feel like you were actually there when it happened. Eventually, you forgot the reason why you were at the restaurant in the first place. It was as if you went there for the purpose of meeting Sukuna himself. Satoru was all but forgotten as you dissolved into carefree laughter and playful banters, and you felt at ease and more like yourself around him, pretty much like when you were with your three favorite people in the world.

“It’s not really that funny,” Sukuna told you, watching you laugh heartily at that one episode in his freshmen year when he made a mistake of going on a date with the wrong girl who happened to have the same name as his supposed date. You continued to laugh as if he didn’t say anything.

“It’s just crazy that both of them were there at the same time. I mean, what were the odds?”

He parked by the sidewalk in front of your house, killing the engine. “That’s the reason why I have never agreed to a single blind date ever again.” He pulled the key out of the ignition, glancing at the direction of your house. “We’re here.”

Your laughter died down when you followed the direction of his gaze. The lights were off except for the one lighting up the porch of the house you shared with your friends. You returned your gaze to him then. “Thanks for driving me home. Again.”

“I enjoyed your company. It’s the least I can do.”

You smiled warmly at him, reaching over to give him a chaste kiss on the cheek when he suddenly turned his head a fraction towards you. That minute change made your lips end up against his instead. He was surprised at first and remained immobile against you, but when you pulled away, he chased you back, connecting your mouths, his lips feeling soft and warm yet emitting that air of dominance as it coaxed yours to move in sync with his. You were kissing him back in no time, but you immediately caught yourself and withdrew, utterly flustered.

Your heart thudded heavily as he held you in his intense gaze, his tongue slowly running over his lower lip, making you even more mentally incapacitated. It made you want to just pull him back to you and covet those lips with yours again. You snapped out of it though. You already knew he was capable of hot-wiring and hijacking your brain.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” you told him when you were able to form words again.

Sukuna looked at you from under his lashes, smiling slightly. “I’m not.”

Taken aback, you chuckled nervously. “No?”

He shook his head, reached over and ruffled your hair a bit. “Go inside. It’s late.” You nodded and disembarked from the car while he leaned on the steering wheel, watching you. You were already on the pavement, about to close the door, when he spoke again. “Can I come see you again?”

“Sure,” you said without thinking. “Good night, Sukuna.” Man, you just loved saying his name.

“Bye, Y/N. Good night.”

He drove away while you made your way towards your doorstep. Your fingers flew to your lips once you were standing on your porch, smiling to yourself at the realization of having kissed him. Shaking your head, you fished for the keys from your pocket and entered the house, not quite remembering how you got to your room, but you slept that night with pleasant dreams of running your fingers through pink locks of hair.

***

"I'm really sorry. Something came up and my phone died."

You acceded. It wasn’t as if Satoru did something so big. You went to the outdoor kiosks near the parking lot by the football grounds to catch up on some reading while Satoru ate and told you bits of his past few days, since he got held up at their family estate. Having such a traditional, high-ranking family in the country sure had its downsides, and you weren't about to make him even more agitated than he already was. He had it difficult, you knew that, and you weren’t about to be petty over him not coming to your supposed bonding time. He may be happy-go-lucky but you felt tension simmering just under the surface when you squeezed his hand in assurance.

Suguru and Ieiri followed shortly after Satoru fetched you from class, also surprised to see him there. "So, you finally decided to show up," the former said.

"Don't ask," Satoru said.

"Wasn't planning to," Suguru scoffed, his attention shifting to you. “What are you working on anyway?” he asked, flipping the file you were reading haphazardly to peer through the contents.

“I’m making an analysis report on ‘The Romantic Manifesto’.” you answered, looking up from the notes you were writing when your eyes suddenly strayed over his shoulder. You almost did a double-take, glancing at Suguru before returning your line of vision at the spot beyond where he sat.

“It’s due…” your voice trailed off when you realized just what, or rather who, you were looking at. You weren’t so sure whether what you were seeing was real or a mirage, a very familiar, specific and detailed one, but then, you figured it was the former when the person smirked and cocked his head to the side, beckoning you over to where he leaned against his grey Jeep as he raised a cup of what looked like cherry blossom tea.

Suguru arched a brow at you, looking behind him but not really noticing the object of your distraction. “Hey, you okay?”

Ieiri followed the direction of your gaze and nudged you when she saw who you were looking at. "Is that your Howard? Damn, girl. He’s sizzling."

You nodded, but at that same moment, you rose from the table without any explanation, your feet immediately leading you towards the outdoor carpark. When you were within earshot, you said, “What are you doing here?”

You stopped a few feet from him, glancing behind you to where the others had already turned their heads to follow the path you took, flashing you shit-eating grins. It wouldn’t surprise you anymore if they had pieced together who the person was before you. They claimed to be your ‘parents’ but acted like children at times.

“I brought you tea.” Sukuna walked towards you, standing so close that you forgot how to breathe for a few seconds as you inhaled his scent and took in his appearance, looking immaculate in a plain white shirt and faded jeans, but your brain only seemed to register those lips and the memory of how they felt against yours.

You shook your head, snapping out of your trance, mentally cursing at yourself. “Hi.” You exhaled loudly, trying hard not to smile like an idiot while you absently twirled your hair on your finger, suddenly seeing the world through a pinkish filter. "How do you keep finding me?"

Sukuna's smile dropped. “Did I come at an inconvenient time?” he asked gently, trying hard not to sound miffed, but he obviously was taken aback by your words.

“No.” You shook your head, placing a hand over your forehead. You finally smiled at him, letting out a choked snicker. “No, Sukuna. It’s good to see you. It’s just that I wasn’t expecting to see you here. And you didn't really tell me you were coming.”

He grinned at you then but he still appeared unsure, placing a hand behind his neck. “Right.”

You flashed him a helpless look. “Please don’t look at me like that. I’m just really surprised.”

“Hmm." He moved closer to you, wrapping your hand around the transparent disposable cup. His proximity was affecting you in ways you couldn't admit out loud. "Are you happy to see me, too?"

"Too? So, you're happy to see me?"

"Always."

That's it. You're done for. Trying to avoid his intense gaze and escaping his scrutiny, you glanced over your shoulder to find everyone on your table observing you blatantly. Satoru raised a thumb at you while Ieiri was giggling with Suguru.

"Are those your friends?" Sukuna commented, his minty breath fanning against the side of your face which made you turn a little too quickly to face him again only to be confronted by his face leaning towards yours, mere centimeters away.

“Y-yeah.” You leaned a bit backwards but he moved forward. “That they are.” You stepped backwards again, nearly faltering on your feet, but you immediately gained your balance when he grabbed you by the arm, steadying you.

"Are you alright?" Sukuna asked, looking at you with concern written all over his face which morphed into wonder when you said, "Yeah, you're just overwhelming."

"Huh?"

"I can't think properly when I'm around you," you stated casually, your expressions not giving anything away as per usual. You arched a brow at him when he did the same. "You hot-wire my brain."

"I know what you mean." He smirked despite his confusion. "Is that good or bad?"

You eyed him thoughtfully, biting on your lower lip. "Good for you, bad for me. You can probably tell me to eat dirt and I'd do it in a heartbeat."

He chuckled, looking at you tenderly. "You're too honest."

"To a fault," you agreed, "Suguru tells me all the time. Wanna meet them?"

He ruffled your hair. "Sure."

***

While you weren't exactly expecting to see Sukuna again after the night you met, he became of constant presence around you. You have gone out with him several times over the course of two months. He was a busy person and you also had your priorities, but he always makes you feel special whenever you two would be out and about, behaving like such a gentleman opening and closing doors for you, naturally shifting closer to traffic while you walked, bringing an extra jacket in case you felt cold or a larger umbrella so you don't get wet, bringing you your favorite tea whenever he could.

He picked you up from school for lunch twice, making the most of the hour, and one time, you brought him lunch at work when he suddenly canceled on you, saying he was swamped with work. He sounded really upset so you decided to go to him instead. You brought Suguru with you as a buffer, but Sukuna's colleagues still teased him. He was different in the office – gruff and strict which fitted him more – but he still beamed at you happily when you brought him food, not caring who saw.

Apart from the brief phone calls, you two never really texted. It wasn't really your thing and he didn't like it either, so it could go days on end without you saying anything to each other, but when you do get a chance to speak, it would always be like picking up on where you've left off. He has only ever sent you two messages. One to remind you to take good care of yourself because he was going to be away for a while and another one a week later asking if you wanted to go out with him that coming Friday night.

"Your timing's off," you told him over the phone. You really wanted to say yes, but, "Ieiri, the boys and I are going out that night. Gang tradition."

"Some other time then?"

"Sure."

You hung up after a few more exchanges of words, getting started on reading some notes when Ieiri entered the kitchen. "Was that Howard?"

"Yeah. He's inviting me to go out on Friday, but I already said yes to clubbing with you guys."

She grinned cheekily, wrapping an arm around you as she poked you on the cheek. At times, it feels like Satoru was rubbing off on her. "Are you sure you don't want to ditch us for the hot architect?"

"Hot architect –" You snickered. "Did you just say that?"

"I was supposed to say 'sugar daddy,' literally and figuratively. Sugar and his cotton candy hair. Get it?"

You narrowed your eyes at her, shaking your head. It was supposed to be amusing, but when Ieiri says it, it just sounds weird. "Can I read in peace now?"

She left you alone, but laughed at your expense.

Friday couldn't have rolled around fast enough and you headed out with your friends at the club owned by a friend of yours, prepared to party in a pair of tight-fitting jeans, a crop top and your hair hanging about in wavy layers. You were already expecting the place to be cramped as hell given the day of the week so much so that Suguru had to hold onto you tightly so as not to lose you when you entered until you found the area you had reserved for the night. It was for good measure too since the place was drenched in purple, blue and green laser lights which were disorienting at first. And so, your night began as such.

You were in the middle of dancing, only pausing when you had to down your nth shot for the night when your eyes suddenly strayed to the bar area at the elevated part of the club adjacent to the the leather seats. You looked away but returned your gaze towards said direction when you realized this very familiar guy was looking at you. He was watching you as you danced and let loose, a ghost of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

You craned your neck, looking back and thinking the guy looked a lot like Sukuna, but then he couldn’t be. He was engaged elsewhere, still you continued to ogle him until you were pretty sure it wasn’t the same person. But the longer you looked, the more it was being proven to you that it was him.

That lopsided smile drew itself across his lips, seeing as how you were doubting yourself about his identity. There was no mistaking that look on his face, the way his dark eyes seemed to sparkle whenever he smiled even if the action didn't belong there.

“Sukuna?” you mouthed his name and he nodded, motioning for you to come over with his head. It had been a solid ten days since you last saw him, and for some reason, your heart raced at the thought of seeing him there.

Without saying a word to the people you were with, you squeezed yourself through the crowd, your feet carrying to the upstairs bar, to Sukuna. It took you a while to traverse the space between you, and when you finally stood before him, all you could do was smile up at him, taking in the soft look about him as he regarded you which were at odds to those fiery eyes that had the capability to turn into bright orbs of light when he beamed down at you.

“Hello, Y/N. Once again, fate has brought you to me,” he said rather dramatically, a smirk drawing itself across his pretty mouth.

Laughter escaped your throat, unable to say anything when you realized that you actually missed him, missed looking at him. Unable to help it, you stood on your toes and reached out to touch his hair, the action surprising the both of you. He eyed you, his expressions that of a half-smile and a look of confusion while you retracted your hands as quickly as you felt his soft locks with your fingertips, wincing at the realization of what you were doing.

At that, he laughed heartily, stealing your hand and pressing it over the side of his head. “Go ahead. I don’t mind you touching me,” he told you, staring into your eyes that you felt like all the air in the room was gone.

You blinked at him, processing what he said and joined in his mirth. “You're here!” You shook your head when it dawned to you that you were stating the obvious. “I’m sorry. How are you, Sukuna?”

“Pink?” he offered and chuckled at his own joke which made your face heat up. “Kidding. I’m great. I missed you these past days. How are you?”

“You did?” You felt your insides melting at his statement, made worse when he nodded to confirm it. “I’m fine. Great. Where have you disappeared to anyway?”

He snickered a your question. “Madrid.”

Your jaw dropped. “As in Spain?”

He nodded. “Had to do something there.”

“Uh-huh.” His words were rather obscure, but you didn’t want to encroach on his private life.

“What are the odds that we’re at the same club?”

“The owner is a friend,” you answered, smiling awkwardly as you glanced at the direction of your friends on the dance floor. You saw all of them looking at you. Suguru winked at you, giving you the thumbs up, making you laugh at his silliness.

“The gang’s all here, I see.”

“What?” You faced Sukuna, finding him leaning close beside you against the metal balustrade. Just then, a waiter passed by holding a whole tray of shots, and before you could duck, he grabbed you by the waist so that you were leaning against him with no quantifiable space between your bodies. Your eyes widened in shock and you froze, your thoughts clouded by the familiar smell of rain in a bamboo forest during Maytime. “T-thanks…”

He hummed in response to your gratitude, but he didn’t let you go. “I didn’t know you enjoyed places like this, too.”

“Why is that?” you asked, feigning ignorance to how close you two were.

"I never pinned you for the party animal type. I kinda developed a fondness for that quiet, nerdy girl sitting at the corner of the pub."

"Not exactly. I prefer Maki's place to be honest but coming here once in a while doesn't hurt. Especially with those three." You frowned slightly at him then as you thought of something. “So, why didn’t you approach me?” You motioned towards the dancefloor. “I'm sure the three-headed monster won't mind if you joined us. You alone?”

“Yes, sweetheart, but aren't you supposed to be hanging out with them?" You grabbed his arm before he could refuse you and started leading him towards where the others were.

However, he had other plans in mind. Again, he hooked an arm around your waist until your back was leaning against him. You eyed him sideways, startled by his actions, but unable to counteract it anyway as you’re just stunned speechless all the while. “You can go back to them, Y/N, but I don’t think I should go with you.”

You turned around, gently easing away from his hold. “Why not? They already know you, and they like you.”

"Are you sure? I don't want to be a party pooper.” He leaned towards you, tilting his head to the side while his lower lip slightly jutted out.

"What are you talking about?” You rolled your eyes at him then snickered.

He eyed you seriously then. “Just in case this is a friends-only affair?”

“Satoru already ruined that by bringing his girls into the mix.” You laughed at him when you saw him hesitate. “Come on, Sukuna. Join us. For me?” You showed him your best impression of puppy-dog eyes. “Pretty please?”

When you saw that he wasn’t budging, you changed your argument. “Fine. Dance with me then.” You didn’t give him any time to contradict you as you took him by the hand and dragged him to the dancefloor.

He was just standing still, looking uncomfortable as you started to groove to the beat, so you took his arms and started moving them until he was moving on his own, finally breaking into that smile. He looked too awkward that you wanted to laugh but decided against it, simply raising your hands and feeling the music.

“Aren’t you having fun?” you asked him as you were bobbing your head to the bass.

“I am!” he answered above the music.

“You don’t look like you’re having fun. Are you shy?” You chuckled openly at that.

“No.”

“You don’t dance?”

“I can dance.”

You giggled. “Then show me what you’ve got!”

Without a warning, he started moving in sync with you, taking your hands in his and finally letting loose in such a graceful manner as you both got into the beat and started waving and swaying against one another, his hands slowly running at your sides in sensual rhythms that got you reeling in excitement. You almost forgot that you were with other people as you danced with him. It was fun and it felt good to be that carefree, not minding your friends, drinks flowing in nonstop.

Soon, the group you’ve left joined you and Sukuna. They all greeted him excitedly while the boys exchanged high-fives with him as they were dancing. Satoru and the two girls who were with him also joined in and somewhere along that, Suguru offered everyone cigarettes, and you gladly took one when you saw Sukuna taking one as well. You didn’t really smoke on a regular basis but you didn’t exactly shy away from the so-called cancer sticks.

After taking another shot, you pulled Sukuna out of the dancefloor, hollering at the others as you raised your cigarette, signaling where you were going in case they wanted to come with. You made your way to the smoking area at the veranda situated at the back of the building with the older male in tow. You were pretty much buzzed, calming down from the high you had while dancing, grinning wide as the cool night air met you, making your lungs expand as you breathed in.

Sukuna watched you as he took his place against the banister, following him shortly as you produced a lighter from your pocket, something that you always carried just in case.

“You smoke?” he asked, toying with his own battered stick, twirling it around his long fingers.

“Sometimes,” you admitted, watching his reaction. “And you?”

“Not really.”

“You took one anyway.” You wedged the item in question between your lips and raised the lighter, but before you could light it, it was pulled out from your mouth and the next thing you knew, Sukuna was kissing you, his lips pressed against yours as he pulled you closer by the hips which he seemed to have a fixation for since you came up to him. It was a soft yet urgent kiss that cajoled you to respond, and not long after, your lips were submissive clouds moving to the will of the wind that was his luscious mouth.

Like the first time you felt his lips against yours, electricity ran through your body as if he was touching you elsewhere apart from your mouth. It was driving you off the edge of sanity, and you knew you’d probably jump off a cliff for the male. He grinned at your dazed state when your eyes met after he finally pulled away, showing you the cigarette that was supposed to be between your lips before he unceremoniously laid claim to them.

“You’re going to ruin your lips by smoking. I’m keeping this,” he told you.

You were too mesmerized with the tingling feeling in your mouth while your eyes stayed glued to his as you blinked slowly, your mind and heart racing at a thousand miles per second. “W-why would you do that?” you stammered, feeling your throat go so dry that you had to drag the words out.

“Apart from the fact that it’s terribly unhealthy, it ruins your sense of smell and taste.” He waved the cigarette in front of you before shoving it into the pocket of his jeans. “Scientific fact.”

You couldn’t quite process what he was saying. You were asking why he kissed you, but he misunderstood. “Are you going to taser me with your lips every single time I’m about to smoke?”

“Taser…” He chuckled and narrowed his eyes at you. “I might just if it means these dangerous things don’t touch your pretty mouth.”

“What the –” You didn’t know if you would be scandalized by what he said or if you were going to laugh. The latter won and you tittered. “That’s a good one.”

“I mean it, Y/N.”

Boldness engulfed your whole thought process as you stepped closer to him, looking straight into his eyes. “And if I insist on it? Placing dangerous things in my pretty mouth? What are you going to do then?”

He, too, leaned forward, eyes flicking to your lips. “Then I guess I just have to keep your mouth too busy to even think about smoking again,” he whispered to you, his breath hitting your lips.

You smirked at him then. “I guess I just have to make sure you aren’t around if I do feel like smoking.”

He pouted. You burst out laughing.

You reached over and pinched both of his cheeks. “You’re so adorable.”

Sukuna swatted your hands away, but smiled nonetheless. "You're the only one who says I'm adorable."

"You are. You just don't know it."

“Okay then. If you say so.” He tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear then, your skin tingling where he touched you. “Are you busy tomorrow?”

“Not really.”

“Good. I wanna do something for you.”

You eyed him questioningly. “Hmm. What?”

“That’s a surprise.”

It was already around two in the morning when everyone had the unanimous decision to leave the club which was still packed. You, too, were getting tired especially after Ieiri ended up hammered and Satoru was emptying his guts through his mouth. Suguru was a bit drunk, too, but he was trying his best to help you take care of them. Sukuna had been very nice all night, even helping you load Satoru and Ieiri into the backseat of Suguru’s car.

“Would you like me to drive you home?” he asked you after shutting the door to the backseat.

“No, I’m gonna be fine. Besides, I can’t just leave Suguru to deal with them both.” You motioned to his Jeep. “You should go ahead, too.”

Sukuna grimaced as he nodded. “I guess that would be for the best. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay. You take good care now.”

“You, too, sweetheart.” He stepped forward and pulled you against him, hugging you, enveloping you in his warmth and that scent you loved profusely. “It’s really great seeing you tonight.”

You returned the gesture, smiling up at him as you tried to compose yourself. “It’s great seeing you, too.” You stood on your toes and pecked him on the cheek before giving him a gentle shove towards the car. “See you, Sukuna.”

He waved at you then boarded the car. You watched as it disappeared down the street before turning away to enter the club to get Suguru who was left to settle the bills. You found him seated on one of the couches, finding your way easily since the crowd thinned a bit.

“You okay, dude?” you asked when you reached him. He was pale and he looked like he was going to throw up anytime. “Do you need to go to the restroom?”

He shook his head. “Just get me out of here.”

You chuckled, leading him faster out of the club. You sat him down on passenger side and soothed his back, asking after him again as you started the engine. He said he was fine, laughing when he caught a glimpse of the two who were already passed out on the backseat with Satoru lying on Ieiri’s lap while her head was lolling limply to the side.

The drive was rather short without much cars on the road, but Suguru was still able to squeeze in a conversation, and of all the topics he could broach, it had to be about Sukuna.

“I thought Sukuna will be driving you home,” he began, glancing at you.

“He offered, but I can’t just leave you.”

“That would have been okay.” He glanced at the rearview mirror then, checking on the two, you could only guess. He could be such a mother hen at times. “I think he’s cool.”

“Mhmm.”

“And he’s really good-looking,” Suguru threw in with a chuckle. “Just date already.”

You chuckled. “Why don’t you date him instead?”

“Don’t you want to try it out with him?”

“He hasn’t even asked me to date him.”

“Yeah, but he already kissed you –”

“How did you know about that?” you demanded, mortified. Your cheeks were heating up again at the memory of it.

“Well, you’re in a public place.” He laughed. “So, it’s bound to end in dating anyway.”

“Not necessarily.” You turned sideways to look at him. “He’s older after all, not that I see the age gap as a problem. But you know, he might just be passing time.”

“He obviously likes you. If you date him, it’s a win-win situation. You like him, too, you just don’t know it.”

You scoffed. “How can you say that?”

He blew a raspberry. Typical Suguru behavior. “You can be yourself around him. You’re all smiley face around him, too. I saw you. You can’t lie to me.”

“Really now?”

“Yeah. You look your best that way. And don’t ever think you are just a pastime. I’ll kill him if he treats you as such.” He smiled knowingly at you. “Besides, you should date properly. Enough with your flings with stupid boys in campus.”

“Okay, dad.” You sighed, trying to contain your excitement. “I do like him though. He’s so nice to me.”

Suguru reached over patting you on the shoulder. “Ah! My daughter is a grown-woman.”

You swatted at his hand, laughing at his antics.

-end of part 1-

If you're curious who Howard Roark is, he's one of my fave literary characters from Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead." He's excellently made. That's it.

Can architect!sukuna please call me "sweetheart," too?

If you want to be included in the tag list, please DM me :) I'll be posting every week (or I'll try to anyway). Someone remind me to post the next chapters please?

Additional notes are available in the masterlist, particularly on the reasons why I wrote some things the way I did. I don't know what I'm trying to prove there, but haha!

Thank you so much for reading. Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated! Hope you enjoyed it.

© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI'S JUJUTSU KAISEN. [20210618]

PHOTO/IMAGE/GIF/FANART SOURCES FULLY CREDITED TO THE RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

[corancoranthemagicalman]

💜 for the ask game 💖😂🔁

💙💙💙💙

💖 A drabble that made you want 100K more words

Alright, uhm. Tall order since there are so many. I'm in a Discord where every other weekend we all make drabbles, but not everyone posts their drabbles to external sites. Diddly darn. And I can't find my tabbed drabbles on Tumblr since Tumblr is allergic to tagging.

But typically, Cas-centric ones or ones that explore a specific character's internal monologue and how that might be an unreliable narration is something I'm always a sucker for. If I find one of the ones I'm internalizing, I'll send it your way.

😂 A fic that made you laugh out loud

PBFTTT! Here's a few!

From Hobbiton With Love by Dimity Blue (Arnie)

Bilbo writes James Bond-esque fics post-Taking of Erebor and Everyone Lives.

between friends (and the occasional lover) by sepulchralsymphonies

Dwalin takes care of things (and sometimes people take care of Dwalin)

A Minor Misunderstanding by jezebel_rising

This is perhaps the crackiest fic I have read since like, 2014—aside from that Our Flag Means Death fic that I will spare you from since I don't know if you've watched the show yet—but both are utterly hilarious. In TEARS. I can't even DESCRIBE this one.

Psittaciformes by tiamatv

I will always rec this one. So sweet and fun. Dean POV.

Aaand I think I'll end it there. I'd have to refresh on my SPN fics since it's been a hot minute, and most of the bookmarks are big feels or sappy ones. But the Hobbit fics are GUT-BUSTING. WHY ARE TOLKIEN FANS THE FUNNIEST OF US ALL? Also I have a few more Our Flag Means Death fics I could add, but again I'm not sure if you've started the show yet and I have to cut down this answer SOMEHOW I guess before it just becomes me ranting about all of my bookmarks!

🔁 A fic you’ve re-read several times

Psittaciformes listed above is definitely one I go back to a lot. And there's a few SPN ones I've gone back to.

Always Together, Eternally Apart by EmiliaOagi

IT'S LADYHAWKE OKAY IT'S A DAMN GOOD LADYHAWKE AU.

Biological Imperatives (Or Not) by tiamatv 

Tiamatv always goes on my SPN-centric fic rec's twice. This one is I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW it's A/B/O but it's done in a way that's almost a satire on the genre? It's just fun and refreshing and treats the trope as a setting rather than the entire basis of the story.

All's Fair In Love And War by sobsicles

My first sobsicles read. Beautiful. Iconic.

(they'll never break) the shape we take by auroralynches (teresavampa)

An empty rescue where when Dean makes Cas recall a memory it shapes the space around them. Really cool concepts with the benefit of Fixing It.

Epistolary by tiamatv

Kidding forgot this tia fic has to go on every rec too. What it says on the tin.

i will charm every heart, in his crown i will sway by vtforpedro

This Hobbit fic I read like three times in two days trying to really read it in one setting to construct a comment, and I STILL haven't commented on it because every time I go to reread it I'm like, "I'm too tired to give this the comment it deserves." Boutta go APE and just leave a heart comment every time I reread it.

I'll wrap it there I guess. This is already getting long, and these are just the first that come to mind for these answers @-@. Thanks for the ask, lovely!

Fic Rec Ask Meme!