#i haven't pursued someone while they pursue me as well in like 6 years

[rosecoloredknight]

I know for sure a girl is "courting" me because she told me that just now!?

I don't know how to respond though? I feel like I'm still conflicted with having feelings for someone else whom I have no shot with — but then again, that's okay because there's nothing wrong with that. I have moved on from wanting her in that way, but now I feel bad because I don't think I can be as present in their life anymore if I'm going to try to see how things go with the other girl now. THIS other girl is being open and honest about being interested in me, which I'm totally surprised by, and it's kinda of intriguing.. I think I should give her a chance?

I see it as her giving me a chance and I believe it would be best if I honor and reciprocate that same effort?

I have to acknowledge my feelings for the other person else was one sided and there never was a "what if" scenario or chance; And that's okay.

I already told the girl interested in me that I plan on moving to WA and she was totally okay with that prospect or idea — !!!!!!!

I need to slowwww down.

Okay, whatever happens, I need to understand that being a reply person should not lead my life. I deserve the chance of creating a family/partner to whom I can feel safe with.

As the sun shines above, there is someone for me to love 🖤

[the-moon-files]

YESSSSS I BEG GET INTO THE CULTURAL DIDFERENCES BETWEEN HYLIANS AND HUMANS 🙏🙏

...now ur just sweet talking me 🥰 /lh

Not years, well maybe 1 year-

but i have wanted to ramble desperately to smone, even the tumblr void if i had to, abt humans vs. hylians so much, esp with a guide reader or male reader bc whatdya know im into niche stuff that only u and like 2 other ppl like lmao ¯\(ツ)/¯

Anyway im so shocked, since ur like the third person to be interested in this and wanna hear abt it 🥺 🤲💌 here u go!! Hope u like it <333 👉👈

Sun: Masc!Reader (he/him)

Orbit: Humans are Not Hylians/Humans are Space Orcs AU, Headcanons-ish, long overall but each section is kinda short

Stars: Mostly worldbuilding! you've been warned, don't get mad me for not talking abt the boys too much✌️

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: mild cursing, mentions of private area/joke in the clothing headcanons, & Trigger Warnings: none known.

Please comment if I missed any. /gen

☆

just some quick headcanons bc tbh i haven't given it too much thought, and i feel like I've been able to somewhat get into it in other posts? or maybe im thinking of stuff i have in my drafts idk-

Imma make another list, so buckle up for the short ride lol

Courting periods/dating/marriage

individual/small groups society-based hylians v. large personal groups/large community society-based humans

simpler foods hylians v. complex food humans

clothing modesty/style/relationships with fashion

fighting styles/strategies

entertainment complexity/differences

and language

☆

1st one, not much yet, im also making a separate post bc someone else asked me to talk abt that more 🥺

(tysm for all the enthusiastic asks guys <33)

anyway, basically hylian courting is a lot shorter, think “lesbians with the uhaul” type of energy, like sort of the classical medieval “does thee wish to pursue marriage with this one?” ← how hylians ask u out for the first time lmao

if it helps, they do tend to get to know one another well, talking about morals/kids/life goals/preferred lifestyle/house/etc. pretty clearly and quickly, then using the in between time to sort of stew on that information

id say the total time is sort of something like 6 months? maybe 3/4 if they're really compatible

(so bc i love interpreting video game logic for real world building, I actually blame this on how fast Zelda/link get together in games despite having sometimes never met before that moment lol)

like i said, ill be posting about this later

2nd one!!

pretty basic, just saying we don't really see hylians in big groups, despite the organizations they form, like kingdoms/knights or on a more personal level, towns/families/etc.

(once again, in-game appearances/video game logic translated to real life to draw these conclusions)

like not only are family units pretty small, like nuclear family setup, with like 2 parents and 2 kids, or single parent 1 kid type of situation, but the towns or collections of these families arent very big either

hylians kind of use their government the way it was intended lmao?

like the villages and towns matter more for everyday decisions than the kingdom/royalty, like Zelda would esstientally just be the mayor of Castle Town for those constant decisions,

while occasionally is called on to make decisions like for several towns or like is a natural disaster happens

meanwhile humans are, in comparison, in Way Bigger groups, both on an organization scale, and a personal scale

like u have all these specific branches of government, whereas im sure the population difference doesn't help,

and on a personal level, humans can easily have like multiple parents, lots of siblings, and once u combine that with each parent having family too, and those families like to meet up? All together??

yeah, itd look insane to any hylians (who’s smaller extended family may just make up their own village and that's it)

3. I've touched on this

like the use of spices, syrups, seasonings, etc

but also the complexity of dishes too, like chilling cream and mixing it for awhile to make ice cream, or even just getting ordering a pizza,

that's a lot of processing, like making the dough from flour and other ingredients, to letting it rise, to making the tomato paste, making cheese, then combining those things with any other toppings, all into one dish??

i like to think that hylians have only just started to touch on actual complicated cooking processes (as in BOTW, where they sell flour and salt, so people besides Link/Wild must know what to do with it)

this has the advantage of impressing any hylian with what a “creative genius” you are lol

4. look im just a fan of medieval time periods Links

so i think its funny if the hylians are used to like 4/3 layers and ur over here like, “wym, if i take off my shirt there's nothing underneath?”

one of them gets bold enough to ask, “d-do you not. do you not have undergarments??”

you “just my boxers? like just to cover my di-”

also this makes its easy to seduce people here? LMAO

clothes are def higher quality, after all there's not as many artificial processes or materials interfering,

plus u usually get some sick embroidery on it too!!

5. so like i get it, Link is the main fighter in games

but like, the few times there is a war/army in loz games, there's rlly not a lot of strategy, beyond just finding the enemy and fighting

tho im partial to that hylians/most inhabitants of Hyrule abide by the “lets meet up either literally by inviting each other or just between our territories to fight”

with occasional guerilla warfare (by any means necessary/stealth/ambush attacks/strategy) that's only rlly used either by Demise/Ganon, or by the wilder individuals/races in games

or maybe even the more civilized fighters in an emergency

and so that means by this logic that all of the Chain use kind of wild techniques compared to their race/kingdom lmao

id imagine its not too surprising to also see “every fight is a bar fight if its for my life” from individual travelers, so im sure they're not viewed too crazy (esp when ppl know their the hero that constantly has to deal with guerilla warfare from Ganon)

but its be hilarious to watch the reactions of both the Links realizing they’re in a bigger group that should be using “proper” fighting strategies and seeing the general publics reaction to this absolutely feral, armed to the teeth, trained hylians with their equally wild human lol

LMAO everyone thinks ur the reason they started using the more brutal fighting methods bc ur human, ur a bad influence lol

(humans would use it primarily, esp after we converted to use that method in warfare a couple hundred years ago i think?)

changing course a bit, hylians tend to use weapons (to compensate for difference in strength compared to humans, and since they don't experience/get a lesser version of adrenaline)

while humans tend to equally rely on weapons and our body as a weapon (marital arts/basic self-defense)

6. this is mostly bc the hylians only rlly seem to have the basics of music, books/stories, theater, and art

i have, surprise surprise, another post abt how i think this came to be,

mostly based on how human curiosity is indomitable and insatiable and the endless force that has not yet met its immovable object.

or at least an immovable object they haven't at least poked a little, out of curiosity lol

like we went to space for that reason, we reach the most dangerous corners of our planet (deep underwater/volcanoes) out of sheer curiousity/for the sake of simple knowledge of the thing

so needless to say, curiosity can absolutely drive any field to its limits, including the arts, which is why we can have stained glass, or movies/tv shows, hell, the marvel that is Hatsune Miku lmao

(fully for entertainment, a projection of light and sound, what is essentially magical illusions but u did it hte hard way, to the hylians)

on a different entertainment related note, i don't know if the hylians would be super into sports, or not really at all? mostly bc they have to use their fighting/training against real threats, not the sort of “fake” threats that sports are

but on the other hand i could see people like knights wanting to use their abilities for something other than violence and fighting bc their life or their villages lives depended on it

bet the Links would enjoy it for those reasons especially, what with at least sumo wrestling being a sport or activity for them at some point in history, and practically beg u for any new games to play, or to ref their games, bc whewwww

im sure they could get pretty competitive lol

7. obviously, their mostly influenced by the Japanese language

id almost like to imagine a sort of, if not outright Japanese (like with earlier heroes like Sky) then a sort of English-Japanese hybrid further along the line

sort of like how English has German/Greek/Latin roots and therefore u can see what words or structure comes from where, or even how u can understand a fair amount of basic words when other languages share the same roots (english, pants = spanish, pantalones)

would make for some funny miscommunications

or even better, most hylians liking ur unique accent or the Links love to hear u talk bc of it lol

☆

well the fever has broken, i am now free of the sickness that made me hack this up geez

i hope u got some enjoyment out of these my beloved anon!! esp since u were so nice as to ask abt it <33

hope u guys have a great weekend, look out for some more posts, bc its been great to get some more asks in lately and very motivating,

not to mention i actually have time to write now that my siblings graduated/we’ve moved several states over 💀

so i have reliable internet now too! sheesh :’)

Peace out,

🌙

[beansnpeets]

Hi friends. Personal stuff under the cut, as per usual. I may be asking for dating advice. 😬

How flirt??? How do I make it clear to a man that I would like to Smooch And Stuff Maybe?? Without explicitly telling him??

I would very much not normally ask this kind of thing here, but I do not know who to talk to about it. I already talked to my bestie and she is bolder than I and has more or less told me to just suck it up and tell him, but uh. I don wanna 😵‍💫 because FEAR.

I have been out of the game for so long. The apps were already getting bad when I met Jon more than 6 years ago, but I hear they are Super bad now and I'm not really interested in wasting my time. I already have my eye on SDG, obvs. It would be NICE to do a little dating before I get into something with him, but I already know I am not meeting anyone anytime soon so I may as well just skip that part since it isn't important to me, just could be fun. I am pretty sure he likes me back, but he is being RESPECTFUL and giving me space post-breakup with Jon and I have already been dropping hints at him, but perhaps it's just not clear enough.

I gifted him a photo album with a few photos he had mentioned once he wanted printed out and I hand-wrote a note thanking him for the help moving and letting me be a part of the kennel and I signed it "yours, Blair 💙" and he messaged me afterward "I love it 💙 lol", and said it was a good trade for the collar he gave me for Rollei (he also gave me a hoodie with his new kennel logo on it, which I did not order, he ordered one for me specifically and gifted it to me) and idfk where to go from that. Everything since then has been normal. He DID linger and follow me around a little last weekend when I was there to brush dogs again. We usually end up chatting whenever I am there, it's always been like that from day 1. I have told him stuff I haven't talked with a lot of people about, in terms of my family garbage. He has told me some of his also. He was one of few people I told about Jon before I bought the house. And every time we talked after that he asked me if I had "had the difficult conversation yet" (dumping him).

Anyway, yeah idk how to flirt with this guy. I am getting a failing grade in Flirt I think. I had an opportunity to make a move last time I was there, but I was too chicken to be that bold. Might try next time, but idk if I can get up the nerve.

And here is the tmi/nsfw part pls don't perceive, but I need to get it out.

I know it is quite soon still, after Jon. I was trying to leave Jon for more than a year, though. I was ready to get out a while ago. Um but I am really craving that partnership and companionship that comes with a relationship but also I would reeeeeally appreciate getting laid sometime soon because I haven't for MANY MONTHS and now that I am free from the tension of my ex I am finding I do in fact have a libido. But, again, I ain't meeting anyone here. I don't like bars and there isn't exactly a roaring dating scene for 30+ people in this tiny town. Unless I wanna go after older men, but.....ew.

Like idk where to meet people? There is no recreation here!! And I'm not just chasing SDG because he's around my age, single, a dog person, and convenient. We get along well and I am interested to get to know him and see what this could be. Also VERY attractive man. Ngl. God. The one day I showed up there and he was doing chores with his shirt off and WOWIE I melted. And those hazel eyes 😍😍

But anyway. Um. Yeah. So. I am A Yearning Mess right now and have been super unsure how to deal with it. I am terrified to be too bold, but I am thinking maybe that is the next step here. Idk how much time he is going to give me post-Jon or if he is just going to wait for me to make a move anyway to be respectful. I am tired of chasing men, I would like to be pursued by someone I like just once 😮‍💨

[melishade]

Happiness number 6?

This Dialogue Prompt (Where you are more than welcome to ask about)

From the Beloved Timeline, simply because it felt on the nose. (Paradis has recently acquired the neutral ship and there's a buffer there, so Optimus and Elita are being a little bit intimate in this moment.)

"So...did anyone interesting catch your optic after I was gone?" Optimus paused his buffing of Elita's armor and stared at his conjux in disbelief, while Elita didn't seem bothered by the question.

"That is quite crude, Elita, considering this situation," Optimus proclaimed.

"You forget that I haven't been able to talk to anyone in over 20 years," Elita reminded, "So I'm sorry if my questions seem quite blunt."

Optimus didn't reply to that as he returned to cleaning Elita's arm of the dirt and grime that accumulated over the years.

"You still didn't any my query," Elita remarked.

Optimus let out a sigh. "No."

"No one?" Elita questioned in surprise, "There must have been someone. What about Jazz?"

"Jazz is more of a mentor to me," Optimus explained.

Elita hummed at that. "What about Ratchet? The two of you seemed awfully close, and Ratchet has always admired you."

Optimus thought it over. "...Perhaps."

"Really?" Elita asked.

"Ratchet was someone I grew to trust during the war," Optimus explained, "He is passionate and compassionate. Although he has his own way of showing it. Perhaps if the two of us made it out of the war together, then we might have developed into something more."

"Well that's a relief," Elita smiled, "As long as it wasn't someone like Starscream."

"Elita,"

"It is Starscream," Elita reminded, "The Decepticon is a walking disaster in his own right. It's a miracle that he managed to survive as long as he did."

Elita noticed a small, yet bitter smile on Optimus' face as he continued his work. "There's something you're hiding from me."

Optimus didn't reply to that and merely continued with his work. Elita was annoyed, and immediately put a servo over his own to force him to stop working.

"Optimus," Elita spoke, and the Prime turned his gaze to her and Elita could see the sorrow in his optics.

"Even if I somehow survived the war...I had no real intentions of pursuing another," Optimus confessed to her.

"Why not?" Elita asked him.

"My status," Optimus answered her, "I am certain the people would demand more out of me. Anyone associated with me would be put in danger."

"Conjux endura or not," Elita shrugged, "That is not the real reason."

Optimus turned his gaze to Elita's servo and cradled it gently. "I have never loved anyone the way that I love you...and I failed to protect you. If something like this were to happen again,...I do not know what I would do."

Elita couldn't help but feel moved, yet sorrow for Optimus' explanation. How much had Optimus been holding in? How lonely must he have felt? What burdens has he been carrying to make him feel like he was unworthy of love? Elita raised her servos to cradle Optimus' face, and Elita could feel Optimus sag just a little at her touch.

"Poor little archivist, what burdens and secrets you carry," Elita spoke, "I appreciate you keeping me close to your spark, and treasuring me even as you grieved me. But to hold onto that grief for so long out of fear and letting it hinder you, is a terrible thing to do."

"Elita,"

"You are allowed to feel happiness whether I am here or gone," Elita declared, "You deserve to have a long and peaceful life with the people who care about you. You deserve to have a conjux endura that cares about you. You deserve so much more. So no matter what happens here and now on this strange planet, if one of us goes, we grieve properly, and we find a new form of happiness."

"And if we somehow survive?" Optimus pressed.

Elita smiled a little. "Perhaps...we could become sparkbonded."

Optimus blinked in surprise. "Are you certain?"

"I spent 20 years on this world mourning the loss on our comrades and holding onto the hope that you were still alive. Yes, I am certain." Elita deadpanned.

Optimus nearly laughed at Elita's bluntness before resting his helm against her own. "I promise, Elita."

"Good," Elita closed her optics and smiled.

[chainsawmascara]

TAG GAME TAG GAME TAG GAME TAG GAME, man, i missed these. @hotnerdywizard got me on this. Let's fucking GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

1. Are you named after anyone?

I was named after an actor! Quite a famous one. I won't name him, of course, but i love his work. Renaming myself was a bit of an accident. Someone had to take up the mantle of Prince, as a very short and flamboyant singer, it fits despite the lack of intention.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Excellent question! I was listening to a song about two weeks ago, it came out of nowhere. Spent about half the track crying with not an inkling as to why. I suppose i was overdue, no?

3. Do you have kids?

I do! A little mischief muffin of a young man. Very snuggly, shockingly bright, biggest smile I've ever seen. I adore him. I'd set the world on fire for him.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Cross country! I was Scouted for my refusal to play team sports when i could run laps and get three miles in (this did not prevent the necessity of dodging when dodgeball was the sport - whoopth). I played short stop for a while. Basketball at home, scorekeeping for my first job when i didn't make the team. I was a gymnast for years! Damn good at it, too. One of these days, I'll reteach myself to backflip. Eventually. At some point. Does extreme inline skating count? I was big on that.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

No, I've never been sarcastic in my life. (That was sarcasm.)

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

You can tell a lot about a person by their shoes. I stand by that. General aesthetic, their vibe. The emotion they're hiding in their eyes.

7. What’s your eye colour?

Somewhere between green and yellow depending on the light.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

There's a little of both in any story.

9. Any talents?

Talent can only bring one so far. It's the skills we hone from them. I have quite a number tucked in my back pocket. We haven't the time for the list. Well, we DO, it's more I'll Sound Like An Asshole if i give that laundry list. I may sound like one anyway. Folks tend to view a confident person as arrogant.

10. Where were you born?

Good old Providence. I never leave this city for long, it has my heart. Not to mention that one time i had to drink from a fountain downtown, there's a fountain down city with a superstition to it. Should one drink from it, they never truly leave. I'll die in this city, I'll die happily.

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing - poetry, journaling, journalism. Singing. Running when I'm able. Catching any concert I can. Art of many kinds. Perhaps I'll indulge that today. Reading. Philosophy. Designing. Stand up comedy and spoken word, I'm overdue a return to stage. Gaming. Body surfing and swimming. Rockhounding! Deciphering grave markers. Traveling, with any excuse, often with no notice to anyone until maybe a day prior. There are others, surely, that escape my mind at present. I do Many Things.

12. Do you have any pets?

My beloved bearded dragon, Babs. I'd set the world on fire for him, too.

13. How tall are you?

5 feet of fucking fury and an extra inch of insufferable pretention.

14. Favourite subject in school?

Neuroscience and literature - existentialist and gothic horror to be precise. I was a neuroscience TA, in fact!

15. Dream job?

A dream is what you want to do but still haven't pursued. I've done my dream jobs, I'm still doing most of them. I've always maintained I'd never have a normal job. So far, I've made good on that. If any of you catch me at an office job, kill the imposter on sight.

My dear friend tagged most of the folks i would've! It's up to you, @yolo-swaginz and @kuzupekos , should you find yourselves up to the task.

[pupintransit]

We're at the end of Month 5™️ of the wait. In the same way that August was pretty dull all things considered, September was very much not.

While I still don't have a firm surgery date, on the morning I'm writing this draft I scheduled my pre-surgery consultation with Dr. Brassard. It's set for November 6! Which is yet more waiting but having a date to look forward to is going to make the lead up to it much easier to manage. I'll be taking lots of notes, and i'd be more than happy to share them with everyone after it's all over! I want my experience in getting gender affirming surgery something that i can record for people to reference, so that it can be of use to someone on a similar journey to mine.

Another milestone this month was the fundraiser I started. As you might well be sick of me talking about by now, I launched a GoFundMe at the beginning of this month. Currently it's sitting at $435, which is honestly not too shabby! This could easily be where it fizzles out, but even if I don't get any closer to the $5,000 goal i'm still incredibly grateful for what everyone has given. Most of the donations came from people I know personally, who chose to send what they could to help me with such an important. I'll never be able to fully express what that means to me.

Plus, $435 is in an of itself a tremendous help! That'll cover the lion's share of one the four plane tickets i'll need to purchase, so for that metric alone the campaign has been a great success.

Now, something that comes with the territory of sharing around a fundraiser for a very major and famously queer surgery is that your friends and family are inevitably going to find out. For the more part the response has been overwhelming positive. Old college friends and old coworkers of mine - folks i hadn't seen in years - sent me lovely messages of support and affirmation. A few even donated to the campaign! It was honestly hard to take in right at first, and i still don't fully know how to articulate the joy i feel in that.

Now, all of this seems like pretty excellent news so far sooooo why am i using the header image i am? Well this is the part where the stress comes in. Earlier i said that a lot of folks found out i was transgender and pursuing gender affirming surgery via the campaign i linked to. I figured it was best to let my parents and in-laws know ahead of time, since i didn't want them taken off gaurd. My in-laws were terrific about it. My own parents?

Ehmmmm not so much.

Mom had a very difficult time with the news. I'm not going to get into specific details but, while i haven't been written out of the proverbial will, she's very much against me doing this and will be "praying" that something changes my mind or cancels the surgery. I think (i hope) with time she comes around on it and be more supportive of me, but i can't be sure of that. Truthfully i also can't be too upset at her reaction. This is a major change in one of her children, so it's unreasonable to think she wouldn't have a emotional reaction to it.

I'm a little more concerned about my father. He did not take me being gay well at all. I remember specifically he called my husband my "friend" (complete with quotation marks) for the first few months of our relationship, so i can't imagine he'd take me being transgender or getting a vaginoplasty well either. What isn't helping my nerves is that he plays Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh in their living room as though they were day time talk shows. I'm not being hyperbolic when i say that Shapiro, Walsh, and their ilk want to do trans folks like me harm. Talking with him about this is neither something i'm looking forward to nor have the slightest desire to bring up with him.... but since my mother has almost certainly already told him this is almost certainly going to be inevitable.

My parents don't have to understand why i'm doing this and what it means to me. They just have to accept it as a reality of my life, and respect that it's something that will make my life happier. I want them to know that i've put thought and care into this choice, and just how many professionals i've debriefed with to be sure of my choice, and that my relationship with my husband will withstand the change to my body. If they can't accept it, they don't have to be a part of my life.

Of course, it's much easier to say that about my parents than to believe it.

Anyway i have an appointment with my therapist on friday so he and i will have a lot to talk about.

[ausetkmt]

A therapist shares the 9 things people want most in life: 'Forget everything else'

I spent years in therapy waiting for a therapist to ask me what I want. No one ever did.

So I distracted myself with small desires and big obstacles, pursuing some of what mattered to me while holding myself back in countless ways. I attached myself more to burdens than possibilities.

Finally, tired of feeling stuck, I became a psychotherapist to better understand the human experience. Based on my 10 years of practicing, I've found that there are nine things people want most in life — forget everything else:

1. To be loved

Love can be abstract and it can be concrete. It can be the act of snuggling. Saying the words "I love you." Or not saying the words but knowing they're felt. It's about showing up and comforting people. Or allowing them to help us.

But even when we have loving relationships, we can get so familiar with it that we forget to notice. Allow for some enchantment and fondness. What's small can still matter.

2. To be understood

When people's opinions of us clash with how we want to be seen, we feel alienated and isolated. But to be understood by others, we must first understand ourselves.

Think of your signature, the mark that makes you who you are, both internally and what you show the world. Wherever you go, whatever you do, there's a thread of continuity.

Never stop thinking about what it means to be you. It's a lifelong pursuit.

3. To have power

There are times when the desire for power is beautiful and life enhancing. But when our longing for power is an attempt to compensate for a lifelong deficit, we can zigzag between swelling visions of glory and crashing despair.

Embrace flexibility and moderation. Power isn't about control over others; it is about authenticity and authority. Stepping into your power can be your way of claiming adulthood and taking responsibility for your choices.

4. To have (and give) attention

"I haven't looked into my children's eyes for a very, very long time," one person confided to me at a moment of deep discovery. "I've been so angry at life, I forgot to notice this beautiful creature I created."

More and more, noticing her children helped her feel less wounded. Attending to them in a deep, attuned way healed something for her. By really seeing, she felt less deprived.

To feel more fulfilled, make a point of concentrating on an activity or topic that matters to someone you love.

5. To have freedom

For a teenager, freedom might mean not having a curfew. For an adult, it might mean setting your own work hours.

Ask yourself what kind of freedom you want. The freedom we pursued when we were 20 isn't necessarily the same freedom that's available at 60. Adjust the terms and conditions of your commitments.

6. To create

If you insist, you can have creative moments every day just by observing and being curious.

Express yourself imperfectly. Change your point of view about an issue. Take in something new and let out something personal. Experience something fresh.

7. To belong

At times, you might feel alienated and at odds. But if you can feel comfortable in being all that you are, you can experience not belonging with more ease, even with delight at times.

It's about being secure in all that you are, even the awkward, clumsy, oddball moments — especially those moments! If you're just trying to fit in, you will miss out on truly belonging.

8. To win

"I'm delighted with myself. I did brilliantly. Well done, me. I see that I'm skilled at doing this, and I have done an excellent job," a 55-year-old once said to me. "This feels like a win."

Consider what "winning" means to you. The definition changes and the rules vary. Honor your successes, however small.

9. To connect

[bettermiya]

Hellooo if it's okay id like to request a haikyuu matchup pls- (don't mind my awkward communication skills btw)

General stuff

Im female (she/her), 17 years old, relatively short (160cm, idk what that is in feet Im European :,)) maybe 5'3??)), my parents are from West Asia (Turkey) but I was born in a german speaking country so somehow i can speak 6 languages now-

Personality

One will realize pretty fast that I am in fact not normal lmao- i'm a bit weird but i'm living for it. I'd describe myself as rather introverted though I'm not shy or timid. I just like to relax and take things slow. I'm pretty easy to talk to if I do say so myself and laid-back as well. I'm also funny apparently (my friend's opinion. Lazy too but we don't talk about that HA-)

Interests/Hobbies

If you couldn't already tell by my ability to speak a lot of languages I am really interested in them. I love to learn new stuff and expand my knowledge in general- I also LOVE listening to music (my earphones are my bebes) and sometimes drawing is pretty tempting as well. Idk why but designing/ decorating is something I tend to enjoy doing even though I don't realize it. Gardening is also a hobby of mine.

Just a few more smaller facts- My love language is quality time and I'm not overly experienced when it comes to relationships. I tend to be drawn to ppl that are open and know what they want. Confidence and loyalty are a big factor.

Thank you in case my request gets accepted <33 bye byeee~

Tsukishima Kei is surprised that he would be fascinated with you!

He's not an easy guy. The type who would retaliate with a sharp tongue before letting anyone in, but you've managed to get past his defenses. It's a combination of not pushing his limits and having the intellect to study languages, which is such a difficult subject. Tsukishima is a person who relentlessly pursues knowledge even if he hides it under such a cool façade. If he discovers that you, as unassuming as you are, can assist him in some way? Even his pride cannot keep him from asking for your assistance while his eyes are downcast, and he tugs at his fingers.

Why not? His demands are straightforward and specific. You start assisting him with his request, but you never expected to catch so much attention for it. You're beginning to see that other girls are drawn to Tsukishima by his good looks without knowing about the twisted personality hidden beneath. His interactions with Hinata and Kageyama, two of his volleyball club teammates, demonstrate his cruelty. A sharp word. A biting laugh. A taunt. Tentatively, you asked him about his personality, and he answers:

( “What gives me the right to be cruel to you? You haven't done anything, and you're helping me.” It could be a trick of the light, but he appears to be blushing into the crook of his arm.  )

His meanness, however, is directed at anyone who might criticize you. Those girls' attentions turn negative. He can easily exploit each of their insecurities. This one is far too ugly, this one is far too stupid, and this one is far too pathetic. It doesn’t matter where in the social hierarchy they are because Tsukishima is an ever-loyal attack dog. He’ll take all the heat if it means they’ll leave you alone.

One day, a girl who used to blush pretty when he was close had splashed water in his face. He didn't even blink. You dragged him to the back of the gymnasium and asked Tsukishima why he was willing to go so far for you.

This is too much.

( “You're a moron. I thought you were smarter than this… Why would someone be so protective? Because they like the other person.” )

[thewolfisawake]

I posted 193 times in 2022

That's 14 more posts than 2021!

127 posts created (66%)

66 posts reblogged (34%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@rpmemes-galore

@arcxnumvitae

@mostly-sentence-starters

@annicon

@rp-meme-central

I tagged 156 of my posts in 2022

Only 19% of my posts had no tags

#wolfatrest - 16 posts

#answered - 11 posts

#open - 10 posts

#arcxnumvitae - 8 posts

#hunter and executioner - 7 posts

#baring fangs with a rabbit's heart - 6 posts

#the beta hunter - 5 posts

#strawberryxdreams - 5 posts

#the bad luck charm - 5 posts

#cxrsedsouls - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 73 characters

#of course he would just casually drink while looking at a bar fight go on

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Aspis

Send me the name of one of my Muses you want to learn more about, and I’ll ramble about them.

My boy! (something goes wrong) My boy! (Father help--)

Now that that's out the way. Aspis has held the place for like...my favorite to torment for years. Like even Samir and Artemis are way less time than I've ruminated on all the ways that it could go wrong for this boy. There's stuff I haven't even written on the blog or chats because it's just my special brand of fucked up and/or extreme self-indulgence. And I apologize in advance because this probably the most rambling and least cohesive of the ones I have written.

The fact there are so many bad ends I've concocted just tells me Aspis is hanging onto his sanity by a thread. One that is frayed and staying with hopes and prayers. He is also one of the biggest proof that bonds are the way to go if someone for some reason wants to save my muse. Like he is the biggest derailment of his original plot. Like to the point, I'm almost going to toss the original plot. And this is not a complaint! I'm genuinely intrigued as to how one can, essentially, have their fate changed.

That being said, I have given enough ambiguous plot points to have any number of weird things go on for him. Namely his strong spiritual power, being from a supposedly long dead family line, and his sketchy adolescence. Like it sounds like a lot of things but the point for me is to give possibilities, not all of them would ever be pursued but it gives the opportunity.

Like with the spiritual power, there's so many things. From seeing some interesting things while a lot of the world will not notice. As well as stuff like possession, probably a good sacrifice to some gateway to hell (thanks for that F.atal F.rame), and of course interactions with the dead. All are things that could be fun to explore and because Aspis is inexperienced with this power, just...room for either funnies or really sad things because he doesn't know a better way.

His family line has had all sorts of things associated with them but because of their nature, it's not clear what's true and what's legend. And as it's pretty much also lost itself, Aspis doesn't know what they are either. The funniest thought I had about it was if there was some long lived being that was like ‘hey, your family said they’d do x or I have a score to settle from y years ago.’ Cliché but I do love those ones. 

There’s also the idea that his family were ‘beloved’ for some reason. I have thought about if this ‘affection’ is...not quite good. The most specific was like some angelic-like being that wanted a songbird...because their musical talent is the only thing that I can admit is canon amongst them (there are several muses from the same bloodline as Aspis but they’re separated by like...centuries). There has also been the consideration that someone in his family had ended up being ‘blessed’ by the god of destruction, currently going by Noctis, which showing up now for Aspis turns into more of curse. And considering he’s already cursed, really blows.

His dubious adolescence is probably the most recent development but one I’m rather fond of because it gives opportunity to meet other muses of dubious background. And it could be friendship, could be mentorship, could be ‘oh god, I stole from them. Fu--’ anything goes. And it just ends up being almost comical because his friends think he’s just sweet and good and how ever could he end up with anything seedy? Aspis is just a nice contradiction like that. And this was between his training to become a hunter so there is the question of how he had time...and really it just goes with his surprisingly self-destructive being. 

I’m not sure if it was ever made known to others but Aspis had an insane workaholic-like time frame for years between his cadet years and becoming good friends with his coworkers in the European branch of the Bastion. Like since he was unsupervised anyway, he spent that time basically getting money to get him a better start for his hunter career equipment wise and training himself...unconventionally in the process. And when he did get licensed, he spent so much time making up for failed assignments with others so that he didn’t fall behind. Think like...black company sort of overtime, that’s what Aspis was up to.

Okay I gotta stop somewhere or I’ll spend all night on like....all the terrible stuff that is up with this boy. I know certain people will be like ‘let him rest’ and I am like ‘tell him that!’ 

6 notes - Posted March 12, 2022

#4

Not me sprinting onto here so I can say ‘Happy Birthday’ to my sunshine boy before the day ends. 

6 notes - Posted March 28, 2022

#3

meals: how many meals does my muse eat a day? what do they generally consist of? Arty

"...huh, I don't really keep count to be honest," Artemis admitted, "I eat when I'm able. So it could be as many as five and as little as none. Right now...it's whenever I feel like it so at least twice? Maybe? And what that consists of, whatever I have or can make. I'm not picky and it's not like I can't go to a shop and buy something. Or forage if I needed to."

6 notes - Posted February 13, 2022

#2

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Percy demanded from above, “that’s history you’re destroying!”

6 notes - Posted July 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

You never realize how much you miss having a long bathroom mirror until you wear cute clothes and can't find a way to show that off.

12 notes - Posted March 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[fashournalist]

Conquering the Crown: Who Will Be The Next Miss Universe Philippines 2021?

Are you ready, Universe?

Tomorrow, the next Miss Universe Philippines will be crowned in Bohol, and I'd like to share my bets with you (as well as my thoughts on more candidates other than my Top 6. :)

But first, I have to admit I do have a bias for Cavite, Aklan, and Laguna because

1) Cavite is my birthplace and where I spent the first 16 years of my life;

2) Aklan is where my five dear brothers are from;

3) Laguna is where I spent seven eventful years as a UPLB student.

However, these biases aren't the sole reason I'm rooting for these representatives. I believe Victoria Velasquez Vincent, Leren Bautista, and Christelle Abello are really among the best candidates of this year's batch! VVV is actually my top one, followed by Katrina Dimaranan, Maureen Wroblewitz, and Ayn Bernos.

One of the smartest and most eloquent candidates of this batch, Victoria Velasquez Vincent from Cavite has emerged as the Interview Challenge winner, and rightly so. But she caught my attention even before that phase; her Runway Challenge was really impressive as well. As a heritage conservationist and architect, she's committed to solving environmental problems across the globe.

I really wish the winner would be a pure Filipino, but it so happened that VVV impressed me the most. She's half-Irish and half-Filipino, raised in New Zealand.

Now this one's a powerhouse. A pageant veteran, model, actress, and television host, I think (and thousands of others think, too) Katrina Dimaranan from Taguig is the most prepared of them all. She was appointed as USA's Miss Supranational 2018 and finished as 1st Runner Up at the world stage. She was also one of the title holders way back in Binibining Pilipinas 2012.

Kat's charming, authentic personality captivates anyone watching her or listening to her voice. You can see this through the way she nailed the challenges. And though she grew up in the US, she is a pure Filipina.

This woman needs no introduction--Maureen Wroblewitz, the winner of Asia's Next Top Model Season 5. Born in Saudi Arabia, she's a half-Filipina, half-German model and actress who is now representing Pangasinan as she fights for the crown. She has emerged as the Casting Challenge winner, but aside from that, all the results of the other challenges prove how excellent and enthralling she is as a model. Her intelligence can also be seen with every answer she delivers during Q&As.

The most inspiring candidate of all, Ayn Bernos of San Juan, proves that barriers can be broken and stereotypes can be shattered. Proudly standing at 5'3 with morena skin, Ayn represents the majority of Filipino people who are not influenced by foreign blood. I've closely followed her journey from the day she submitted her pageant application, and I'm so happy for her every step of the way. Her millions of followers on TikTok surely feel the same. We feel seen, we feel represented, we feel inspired to also reach for our dreams--no matter how impossible they may seem.

Ayn is a natural Filipina beauty, and she glowed further as she embarked on the road to the crown. Her wit, intelligence, and cheerful personality radiate in every appearance she makes, whether it's an interview or a commercial special by some of MUPH's sponsors.

With enchanting eyes, a driven attitude, and several beauty pageant titles under her belt, Leren Mae Bautista of Laguna is one of the most prepared candidates to represent the nation at the Miss Universe pageant this December.

I started knowing her through the tarpaulins in LB eight years ago. I was still in college, and Leren just won the crown of Miss Los Banos. She conquered the Binibining Laguna title as well. Since then, I knew this classic Filipina beauty and brain would one day captivate the world. Years later, she has placed as a 2nd Runner Up in Miss Globe 2019 and won in other pageants, too. Today, she's aiming for the universe and we all know she's ready.

Armed with an unstoppable grit, this dreamer put her life in the US on pause to once again fight for the crown of Miss Universe. Christelle Abello of Aklan has placed in the top 16 of last year's MUPH, and she has come back stronger this time around. Though she wasn't part of the Top 7 in the Interview Challenge, I think she's one of the most fluent and confident candidates.

Although she was born in America, she embodies the beauty of a real Filipina. I have to mention that I'm not a fan of her evening gown's design, but she still carried it well.

So there, now you know my Top 6! :) They've been my Top 6 for several weeks now, but this doesn't mean I'm not impressed by other candidates.

Michele Angela Okol of Siargao Island nailed the Preliminary Interviews! I haven't watched all the interviews since the KTX pass is just too expensive for me, but I was able to see a few on YouTube. And of them all, Michele's answers were the best. She was certain with her answers. Ingrid "Sam" Santamaria of Paranaque and Chela Grace Falconer of Misamis Oriental are some of the smartest and most fluent candidates as well. Sam placed second in the Interview Challenge.

The Filipina beauty of Janela Cuaton of Albay, Maria Corazon Abalos of Mandaluyong, Mirjan Hipolito of Angeles City, Simone Nadine Bornilla of Marinduque, and Princess Krista Singh of Pasig are some of the most outstanding in their batch. But I think the most outstanding beauty of all, is Jasmine Umali of Manila. She's like a living Mulan, or Barbie. And all these phenomenal women are smart and graceful, too!

Anyhow, if Gianne Asuncion of Cagayan Province wasn't diagnosed with COVID-19, for sure she would make it here and she'd be one of my bets. I hope she comes back next year, same with Maica Cabling Martinez of Nueva Ecija, who didn't make it in this year's Top 30.

You might be wondering why I haven't mentioned Steffi Rose Aberasturi of Cebu Province yet.

Honestly, I can't deny she's gorgeous from head to toe, well-prepared, talented, and confident, but I just cannot stomach supporting someone who supports Rodrigo Duterte. If she wins tomorrow, I will not bash her--I can see why she's one of the frontrunners--but I just cannot see myself rooting for her because of her political stance :( If she was not a DDS though, she would easily be one of my top bets, maybe my top 4 or top 5.

Steffi carries every outfit effortlessly, and her beauty can go from sweet and endearing to regal and fierce. I wish, before the national elections, her eyes would be opened to the atrocities of Duterte's war on drugs. (I also find Bea Luigi Gomez beautiful, but she said during the preliminary interview that the government is doing well. So, I'm afraid she might be a DDS, too. I hope not)

I know, people tell us to separate the pageant from political views, but the thing is, when a DDS gains more influence, they can influence voters to support Duterte, too. That's a real danger our country can no longer afford.

As for Kisses Delavin of Masbate, I'm inspired by her drive to pursue her dreams, not letting bashers stop her. But I just cannot see her wearing the crown, sorry :( I'm not a basher, I acknowledge she is beautiful, sweet, talented, kind, and smart. But I just don't see the fierce, palaban aura that we all need in a Miss Universe candidate. Never thought being baby-faced could be a disadvantage.

But anyway, if Ayn is slaying while breaking barriers and stereotypes, why can't Kisses, right? Kisses did well in every interview she handled. Although, I really didn't like her runway challenge where her hands were stuck on her waist. Good thing her walk improved in the swimsuit competition. Despite getting bashed and doubted, she fights with courage and passion, and that's something we can all learn from--whether we're part of Kissables or not.

Who will win tomorrow? I just can't wait to find out :)

I really wish I have the budget for a KTX pass so I could watch the coronation night in real-time. Sigh. That's 600 pesos! I'd rather spend it on samgyup. HAHA my love for food beats my love for pageants, even when I once dreamt to be Miss Universe myself lol.

How about you, guys? Who are your favorites? Who are your bets? Comment down below :) (wow youtube lang? haha)

Regardless of who wins, let's support her way to the crown. :) Go, proudly raise the Philippine flag, Miss Universe PH 2021!

PS. Photos came from Miss Universe Philippines' page, Philippine Star, and PeoPlaid. And I thank MS Paint because that's where I combined some of the photos haha.

[hvilested]

Infatuation Is a Temporary Illusion: How to Escape the Pain

LucyJul 14, 2020

As a neuroscientist, I am fascinated by infatuation; it's such a strong, mysterious phenomenon, yet is entirely scientifically-explainable.

This Too Shall Pass

I will start this by saying that however deep and impossible your situation feels, you will leave this infatuated state. There will be a day when you can think about this special person without any type of pain or passion. You will remember how strongly you felt towards them while they didn't have the same feelings for you, and it will seem completely crazy that you were so stuck in limerence.

Albeit cliché, the concept that time is the only thing that will make you feel less magnetically drawn to someone who you cannot be with is true. You cannot magic away these feelings, because they are a strong illusion created by chemicals in your brain. Over time, your neurobiology will balance out again and this person, who is acting as a potent stimulus, will no longer inspire the same physiological response in you. Thinking about your situation scientifically helps, as it steers you away from thinking in terms of romance and delusion.

What Is an Infatuation?

Are you currently struggling with huge, incredibly deep feelings for someone that you will never be with? We use the term 'infatuation' (also limerence) to describe the state of being utterly enamored by and obsessed with someone; it is the wildest thing that a human can experience in the sober, baseline state. The invisible pull that you feel will seem so novel and colossal in strength that, if experiencing infatuation for the first time, you will be certain that you will 'never feel this again', and that this person is 'the one'. After all, your body and mind react so strongly and surely to them that it is impossible to imagine a life worth living that doesn't have them at the center of it. This is not the case, as you will experience several infatuations in your life if you are prone to them.

Due to differing genetics and brain chemistry, some people are more prone to entering limerence than others; in fact, some will never experience this roller coaster of euphoria and insecurity. Unrequited crushes are normal and not too much of an issue; unrequited infatuation not only encompasses incredibly powerful attraction, admiration and a general feeling of 'love' towards the subject, but is also agonizing and depressive by nature.

If the infatuated cannot be with the person that they desire, they will likely enter a deep depression and will feel completely out of order for weeks or months, until the feelings fade or they gain closure. Irrational thoughts and misery normally accompany this rollercoaster experience, as well as physical symptoms such as elevated libido and lack of appetite (due to an excess of dopamine in the brain).

Is It a Normal Crush or an Infatuation?

You may wonder how we can define things as vague and fluid as romantic feelings. However, the line between a healthy crush and a problematic infatuation is not as thin as it seems. Crushes can be unwanted and painful, bringing ups and downs into our lives, but a true infatuation blows a crush out of the water. If deeply infatuated with someone that you cannot be with, you will think irrational thoughts such as 'I want to die - X isn't in my life and everything else makes me miserable'.

These thoughts are falsehoods, for the world is so open that you will definitely encounter other people (as well as places, music and even fashion trends) that you find fascinating.

If you are simply experiencing a romantic crush, you will find the person very appealing and may intensely want to date them, but there will be less feeling than there is in limerence - less hormonal influence, less joy, and less crying. The highs will be less euphoric, sure, but the lows will not be nearly as crushing as those experienced in the limerent state.

The difference between a crush and an infatuation is that the former allows you to enjoy the warm feelings and be in control of your emotions, while the latter is extremely unhealthy and causes the sufferer a lot of pain if they cannot be with the person they desire. A crush may feel very strong and you may want to act differently to charm the subject of your feelings, but it will never be as delusional., destructive and fantasy-based as a true infatuation is.

So, how does one differentiate between the two? In short, if you feel so distraught that you cannot be with the person that you are googling for solutions, crying before bed and upon waking, losing interest in activities that you normally love, struggling to imagine a future without the person in your life, you are definitely infatuated and not crushing. If you treat this emotional conundrum as if it were a drug addiction, you will stop feeling this way in a matter of weeks or months.

Why Do People Become Infatuated in the First Place?

Most people go through their lives organically forming healthy 'crushes'; even when not actively seeking a partner, they will encounter a few people a year that will grab their attention and seem irresistible. After all, this is biologically advantageous; we are mammals and are meant to pursue, and eventually reproduce with, those that we deem physically and emotionally intriguing.

Having said this, I will clarify that your sexual orientation is totally unimportant in your ability to develop all-consuming, raging feelings for someone. This level of feeling is just as prevalent between people of the same gender as it is between those of opposite genders. However, we are wired to pursue, bond with and care for other human beings for the sole reason of reproduction and the survival of our species. If someone is infatuated with someone of the same gender, they will experience the same concoction of erratic emotions as a straight person. Neurochemical changes will temporarily dominate your life regardless of the perceived likelihood of the passing on of your genes.

infatuations

Rupi Kaur

What to Do? Understand That Your Feelings Are Scientifically-Explainable and Never Permanent

The wild array of feelings that come along with any form of attraction may seem intangible and wondrous, but they are caused by altered levels of different neurotransmitters. Focusing on the science behind such a strong human experience is crucial in dealing with the pain that it can cause you.

Reject dwelling in the infatuation too much. It's incredibly tempting to spend hours writing and lamenting about the subject of your "love", only to enter an even more heightened state of delusion. Even if this isn't your first infatuation and you saw that you got over your last one, remember that, naturally, you will be convinced that this person is the one and that you are ruining your life by missing out on being with them.This is nonsense and is your brain tricking you!

The best way to avoid falling into this nauseating, fantasy-driven loop of obsessing and fantasising and despairing is to understand the science behind this crazy human experience.

It is also incredibly comforting to know that unrequited infatuation very rarely lasts for more than 6-8 months, and often will fizzle out incredibly suddenly and much earlier than this. This is because infatuation is neither logical nor grounded at all. It is so, so ephemeral by nature; one day you will look back at this period of your life and it will seem like a wild but distant dream. Trust me on that one.

However, to break this person-addiction habit and ensure you never, ever cry over unrequited love again, you'll need to dig very deep and be committed to recovery. Your external world is a mere reflection of your beliefs and what you allow to imprint itself into your subconscious mind. By meeting your psychological needs healthily and treating unhealed wounds, you will become completely, 100% immune to infatuation/limerence. Potential partners will sparkle to you, make your heart sing and you'll be able to transition into real relationships with them instead of you manifesting unrequited love and crying spells. I promise you this.

infatuations

Feeling Something Intensely Doesn't Mean It's Permanent

Don't get confused and think that, just because you feel such strong passion for this person, your feelings will 'last forever' and you will 'never get over them'. For some reason, when us humans experience something intense or profound, we do what no other animals do and we introduce a poignant aspect of eternality to the situation. It's a huge logical fallacy to think 'I feel strongly about X, hence I will ALWAYS feel this way', yet we all do it. Our tragic flaw is, in many ways, that we are aware of time and the future and cannot simply live in the moment and deal with whatever strong feelings we are experiencing as they come and go.

If you think about, a large part of your pain is that you feel that you won't ever have a happy, fulfilled, exciting life without this individual. After all, they've inspired so much energy in you and you haven't felt this way with anyone else before. The truth is that, no, your infatuation will not last long and will certainly not be permanent.

Infatuation has a shelf-life because it is based in the fantasy and reality cannot maintain it. It is such idealisation and irrationality that, once the real world creeps in and you become aware that your feelings are unfounded and inappropriate, they will naturally dissipate. It is for this reason that couples who feel 'infatuated' often become bored after around 6 months. They aren't experiencing that surge of initial attraction or the wondrous mystery that their partner made them feel when they first met, because they were simply infatuated then and didn't really know their partner.

What Does It Mean If You're Prone To Infatuation?

Being a neuroscientist, my attention has been drawn to the fact that those of us who fall into infatuations are 1. prone to this state (experience it over and over again until they learn precisely how to treat the root cause, even if each "episode" feels novel and "different this time"), and 2. we are people who feel things very intensely.

Now, I am aware that virtually every single person on this planet feels certain things strongly and irrationally, but a limerence really is at the top of the scale in terms of intensity, especially since mental illness is usually thrown into the mix. Nearly every single person who I have seen who has fallen into a deep infatuation has been on the spectrum for severe depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder (BPD) or OCD (meaning, they could obtain a psychiatric diagnosis for one of these illnesses).

I don't want to scare you; I am a firm believer that we all sit on spectrums for most mental health conditions, and that there should be no fear or taboo enshrouding this type of information. Many of us could be diagnosed with different things and obtain certain psychiatric labels, but I don't think we should strive to do this unless our mental health is affecting our quality of life extremely negatively. However, I do have to tell you: infatuation at its worst is not neurotypical.

If you tend to live your life emptily, only motivated and made to feel emotion by unobtainable people who you think can make everything okay, then you are most probably mentally ill (by society's definition, at least). If your self-esteem was moderately high and you were mainly mentally healthy (no depressive episodes, no propensity to obsession, no episodes of mania) then it is highly unlikely that you would fall into an illusion so controlling as infatuation.

As I have mentioned and will continue mentioning in this article, infatuation is a deceitful trick. It's your brain's way of latching onto something that could, in theory, make you happy and take away all your troubles. For this reason, if you are infatuated with someone, you are not happy with your current life. You might want to tell me "I am happy and confident, this person is just so special/beautiful that I need them", but that statement would be yet another dopamine-driven delusion.

If you are prone to infatuation/limerence:

you have a lot of love to give to people, whether platonic or romantic (this is a blessing). I suggest that you utilise this in the healthiest possible way and focus on solidifying strong, platonic friendships. You won't feel the high of infatuation and attraction, but you won't experience the horrible lows either, and you will be immensely satisfied because you'll form close bonds and feel understood by people who want to be in your life for genuine reasons, other than desire.

as mentioned above, you are probably mentally ill in some way, and could most likely be diagnosed with OCD, depression, anxiety, BPD, or bipolar disorder. Don't let this scare you. A diagnosis would just be putting a label on what you've felt your entire life.

you will fall into more of these miserable infatuations if you do not treat the root-cause, which is unmet psychological needs and limiting beliefs regarding yourself and your worth. Don't let them shape your months and years, and don't let your life be a string of feelings for different people with you making no advancements in your own life. Even if you don't feel sound enough on a psychological level, force yourself to make friends, to exercise, to work and to read books. You'll be pleasantly surprised at how quickly you actually make new brain pathways and *escape* this hell.

you're very prone to fantasising about ideas, people and concepts that could, in theory, help you "escape" the current life or situation that you are in. Use this to your advantage - it just means that your brain is prone to creating dopaminergic pathways to motivate you. Currently, you're motivated to get this person into your life, but you can use this mental tactic to enjoy other things intensely, like academics, hobbies, pets etc. Become obsessed with another country, and make it your mission to learn the language fluently and move there within the next 8 years. Grab onto something other than a person that sparks your interest and get you thinking "my life would be amazing IF ...", whether it be the idea of gaining muscle at the gym, redecorating your house or writing a novel. Some would advise against this, but I have evidence to prove that it's a healthy way to cope with a propensity to idolising people. Hobbies/pets/languages/exercise won't turn you limerent, so obsess over them instead.

unless you work hard on yourself to recover from this susceptibility to falling hard and selflessly for people, your partners will never be on the same page as you. They will never love you as fiercely as you "love" them, because they will never be consumed by someone in the way that people consume and fill your existence. This may fill you with sadness but is reality; the fact that you have developed the behavioural pattern of limerence isn't their problem, nor is it something that many people will relate to. Wishing for someone to fall for you in this lovesick, bittersweet way is going to align you with reactive, toxic people who are generally unstable and enmesh with you too quickly.

the best comes last: you can become immune to infatuation/limerence! You'll need to do a lot of research on how to attack your subconscious mind and alter your brain's fundamental wirings, but it's surprisingly simpler than it sounds and the only path to complete emotional freedom.

infatuations

Rupi Kaur

Yes, This Is Just One of Your Many Phases!

Live in the moment and deal with any false, irrational thoughts like 'this will last forever'. Every time you think that, correct yourself and remember that you're feeling something very strong and unpleasant, but that's all it is and in no way does this equate to any form of permanence.

You can feel things strongly without them lasting forever! I don't know why we, as humans, struggle with this idea so much. There are so many sensory afflictions that come and go. For example, think of a terrible illness where you're vomiting constantly and can barely walk. You feel like you're never going to feel well again, but days later, you bounce back. The illness is just a faint memory that doesn't even inspire much emotion in you. Similarly, sometimes we come across music that we love and then can barely stand to hear it a month later.

We, as humans, go through many phases in our life. Phases are definitely valid life experiences, but find comfort in their ephemerality! This boy or girl is a phase in your life, albeit an intense one. One day, you will look back and associate them with whatever music you're currently listening to, the clothes you're currently wearing and the way that you feel. That is because those aspects of your life are also a phase. This person won't make your heart skip forever. If you take one thing from this article, let it be that. You won't believe me now, but there will come a time when you don't care who they date, and their name won't even stand out to you in a list. Human emotions are weird, huh?

Remember: You Love Your Brain's Chemicals, Not This Person

Unless you are experiencing a healthy crush within reality (just attraction and the feeling of connection), your infatuation is a result of an unhealthy dopamine reward circuit that your brain has essentially created as a survival mechanism. You are so depressed/unfulfilled/lonely that your brain knows that real life isn't offering much for you in terms of incentive to live, so it creates its own happiness in order to temporarily relieve you from unhappiness, nihilism and lack of focus.

Infatuation is the brain making its own fun through a 'fantasy bond'. Your brain provides you with a sugary high full of wonder and hope and promises for the future, and then when real life doesn't follow the illusion (e.g. when the person unsurprisingly doesn't devote their entire life to you because they have their own life/feelings), you will experience the consequent crash. There is a duality to every strong psychological experience, and what goes up always comes down.

Mocking yourself slightly and realising that your brain is 'glitching' in this way is imperative. Tell yourself, "I love dopamine, not him/her!". If the attraction wasn't there, and you knew their personality inside out, would you still 'need' them? It's almost impossible that you would. You might love them in a genuine, affectionate way, just like some elderly couples love each other after years of commitment, but it wouldn't be delightful and euphoric, nor would it be what you're craving now.

Find comfort in the above. If you find yourself thinking "I've met him at the wrong point in my life, we could have grown old together etc." remember that the romance wouldn't feel like this for more than a few months anyway. Yes, maybe if you had met this man in 5 years time you'd date and then marry him and be happy (in the stable sense of the word, with no thrill), but the truth is that that's not even what you want. You want to be able to act on the passionate feelings that you currently have, and for those to last forever, which is why the supposed "missed connection" is so tragic and hard for you to cope with. The thing is, as I've explained, the sheer concept of living with them forever and feeling this way with them forever is a fairytale that your brain has created.

In short: your brain has messed up here, and is misunderstanding the situation. We are animals at the end of the day, and our bodies function to promote survival, often not bothering about our feelings. If your life is lacking authenticity, excitement and motivation, your brain may work to ensure the survival of your genes by creating its own goals. Don't listen to everything that your mind is telling you and try not to crave the highs that it is offering you!

Neuroscience: What Causes Infatuation?

Understanding the science behind this turbulent experience is crucial, and is the only way to think practically without being nihilistic and numbing yourself to your feelings. This area of neuroscience is fascinating, as it deals with human experiences that seem so spiritual and magical that it's hard to believe that they are caused and controlled by relatively simple chemicals. However, a handful of neurotransmitters control all aspects of your mood and mental health, and therefore can explain every thought and motive that an infatuation will cause you to experience.

1. Dopamine is the 'pleasure chemical', and relates to euphoria, addiction and craving. It can also inspire goal-based behaviour, e.g. wanting to save money to plan an elaborate trip, or, more relevantly, wanting that "perfect life" with someone you have recently met where you two are alone and free, revelling in each other's happiness. When you first fall into infatuation and you cannot imagine happiness with anyone else but this individual, it is dopamine acting... and boy, is dopamine a powerful neurotransmitter! It gives us momentum in life and quite literally drives humanity, but in the case of infatuation, it is a delightful yet dangerous substance.

When noradrenaline is also released, the two neurotransmitters can undergo a reaction and produce not only an elated mood, but also focused attention, hyper-activity and loss of appetite. All of these changes can be witnessed in the "lovesick"; you develop tunnel vision during these biochemical changes. You are greatly inspired by anything to do with the other person, and bored at the rest of the world, for it all seems so dull compared to the object of your passion. While noradrenaline is a neurotransmitter and adrenaline a hormone, the two contribute synergistically to a racing heart and the novel excitement associated with love.

2. Serotonin is low when you are infatuated, which is counterintuitive, as high levels of serotonin are also commonly associated with "lovey-dovey" feelings. In fact, taking ecstasy causes a great release of this neurotransmitter, and depression is caused by low levels of it. However, the infatuated brain shows the same low serotonin levels as someone with OCD, which explains the obsessive nature of infatuation, and hence why you should avoid romanticizing your state and realize that you are essentially mentally ill while in the throes of this level of passion.

3. Adrenaline activates stress responses in the body, and is involved with the physiological signs of infatuation. It activates the levels of other hormones like cortisol, which all activate the sympathetic nervous system in a cascade-like manner, causing trembling, sweating and an increased heart rate.

4. Oxytocin is released during intimate acts, cuddling and other forms of close, trust-based contact. It is slightly different to the others, as it does not directly cause "infatuation". In other words, it does not contribute to the insanely powerful passion that one feels while infatuated. Rather, it adds to the experience by increasing the sweet feelings of trust and fondness. For this reason, it is also extremely important in relationships after the infatuation and hence the craving (caused by dopamine) wears off. If the people in the relationship do not possess adequate amounts of oxytocin (and vasopressin), it is unlikely that the relationship will last once they have passed through the drugged-up stage of infatuation and are suddenly aware of each other's flaws.

I urge you to think about the science behind your feelings, as it will help you rationalise what you feel. Allow yourself to cry but don't let yourself romanticise this 'missed connection', because it was never there in the first place. Your neurobiology has temporarily gone awry and taken control of your feelings, but this level of misery cannot and will not last.

[writingasawayofliving]

     ACCEPTANCE AND LETTING GO!

                       BY: ELIZON CAMANGYAN

    Michelle is a sweet, lovely, and intelligent young lady with a brother named John lester . They are extremely close, and he is her savior, especially when they are children. Her brother is very protective of her and will not allow any boys to talk to her. Her parents advised us to keep an eye out for each other because they are happy together. Both of them were free of favoritism. Until this strange sensation, everything was perfect and amazing; everything was shifting, and nothing was in its proper place.

  Brother, can we go home together later? Yes, youngest, I promise we'll go together. OK brother, thank you very much, and by the way, brother, , my classmates have arrived. Guys, krisan, Joanna, and Arjelyn John Lester is my older brother. As a result, we went first. Later on.  Michelle is your older brother, by the way. I like him because he's cute, but he's also tall.

   By the way, do you guys have a creative writing assignment? Concerning essay writing. Yes, I have already done so. But I'll take the lead because my brother and I are currently on our way home together.

  Where are you, brother? It's 6 p.m., and you haven't returned. I've texted and called hundreds of times, but you haven't returned my calls or texts. Hey, you haven't picked me up yet, and by the way, my name is Alfred, and I'd like to be with you. Anyway, I appreciate it. It's night, you're certain. Now let's get started. Okay.

  Thank you, Alfred,  I'm sorry, youngest, but since I did it, I'm going to forget to bring you together a lot. I have to complete it. I'll be ahead of the two of you. Thank you, sir. We'll talk again tomorrow! Thank you once more.

  What was the man's reason for delivering you? You might simply take a taxi. Wow, you said you'd bring me along. I waited for school for a few hours. My older brother, John Lester, did not show up. It's fortunate that Alfred joined me so that I can return home. Did you consider me? If only I had returned home. I'm sorry, I won't do it again, just don't get in Alfred's car. Sorry as well, buddy.

Brother I'll just be seeing my classmates. Okay, Michelle . Can you guys assist me? My older brother's birthday is on Saturday, and I'd like to surprise him. Hello, Michelle. Oh my gosh, Michelle, who is he? On the other side, the attractive. Since my brother  forgot to pick me up, he was the one who delivered me last night. Have you eaten, Alfred? If you want to be with us? I'm finished now. And if you aren't done yet. And if you're starving. Are you starving? Let's get some food. Oh my god Michelle, your brother has arrived; why is he with you, Youngest? I warned you not to speak with him.

   Let us have a discussion outside. What exactly is it that we're doing wrong, Michelle? I'll say thank him for driving me home. Alfred likes you, don't you see? What is it about that place that makes it so bad? If he enjoys my company. He is a gentleman. Okay, you manage your own affairs. You're not interested in hearing what I'm saying. Sorry!

   Guys, please assist me; tomorrow is my brother's birthday. I need to catch him off guard. Come along with me to the festival mall to purchase a gift. Okay, we'll meet you at the festival mall. Guys, let's get

2 / 3

started. Thank you. Let's go, I'm going to buy him a Gucci three-piece of t-shirts, Please join me in my quest. Okay, that's it. Michelle What is the age of your older brother? Tomorrow is his 22nd birthday. Oh my god He is accompanied by a lovely lady. She is attractive and tall. She is a transgender woman, not a girl . But you're implying that your brother is bisexual? I don’t know.  I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way when my brother is dating someone else. Why am I so envious? This is incorrect.

   Michelle, you've arrived. What have you been up to? Have you had your meal yet? Where did you come from, brother? Computer shop I'm just curious as to why. Because I saw you with your hands still held by a lady. What is the name of that girl? Is she your girlfriend at the moment? Or But it's possible that you won't take me home with you because someone else has brought you something. Brother, speak up so I can figure out what's wrong with me.

   You're curious as to why this is. Michelle, I love you more than my sister, and I regard you as such. So I'm  jealous every time you and Alfred are together. I just want to be with you. I really want you to be thinking all the time! I'm just interested in you. Is it possible for you to give it to me? Perhaps it isn't because I am your brother. I'm sorry, but I have the same feelings about you. I was envious when I first saw you, girl. Brother, I adore you as well.

    I'm currently planning for a surprise for my brother. John Lester, have a wonderful birthday!!! You have now reached the age of 22. I wish good health and have lived a long time.

   Brother how If they know dad and mom our relationship what will we do. What we children should know. Dad, Michelle and I are official couple . Don't you know what you're thinking. You're siblings. But dad we love. We love each other. Dad what is happening to you. Brother, dad can't breathe, call an ambulance. Hurry up,

   Dad died of heart disease a few months ago. I told my brother that we should call it quits on our relationship.  I don't want us to come to a halt. Michelle, I will always love you. When you forget me, I'm going to commit suicide. I can't bear the thought of losing you to me. Michelle, don't abandon me. There are a lot of people who don't like our friendship. We are brothers, and Dad is right. We would be dissatisfied.

   Mom, I'm sorry for what my brother and I did, but I think I just need to avoid my brother for a while so he forgets about me. Michelle, I know it's difficult for you to make the decision, but have you decided to go to America to pursue your studies? I'm not upset with your relationship with your older brother, but the two of you are going to have a difficult time. So, as long as you're happy, I'll back you up.

   I cried my way to church because I was in such a mess. I was at a loss for what to do. When I leave here, I hope my brother John Lester understands why I’m going. Why are you crying, Michelle?  You dry your face with this handkerchief. You're aware. If you’re having trouble, they say  that “the road to true happiness is one of acceptance and letting go”.

   I spoke with my older brother once more to make him realize that our relationship was not working. To persuade him that our relationship is only temporary. Thank you, Michelle, for reminding me that someone loves me no matter how I feel. Thank you for being there for me at all times. I adore you, my little one. When you leave for America, I hope you are cautious. Never, ever forget. Yes, take care of Mom here, brother. I love you!

    After a few years, I received no news from my older brother, and I moved to America, where I married. To tell you the truth, it was my husband who gave me the handkerchief. Yes, Alfred, I am glad I married him, and we have two sons together.

[mykpopwire]

interview: WOOSOO returns as solo singer ‘Because of You’

1.     How have you been, what are you occupied with lately?  

I’ve wrapped up my group’s activities and now I’m quite busy preparing for my solo album.

Since it’s the first time I’m showing music in my own style, I wanted to try various things and challenge myself. I’ve been making songs that I always thought of while working as a producer. I also took a new challenge by composing and writing the OST of a Korean drama.

I’m also enjoying leisure life that I had not been able to enjoy before, such as café tour, famous restaurant tour, etc. 

2.     It has been around 8 months since your last song release, how do you feel?

‘Because of You’ has a very different style from the previous song ‘The Rain’ (비가 내리면). Actually, ‘The Rain’ was made for MASC, so rather than saying it’s my solo work, it felt more like an extension of MASC. I think I’m making my first step as solo artist WOOSOO through ‘Because of You’.

I was very excited while preparing for this song and I’m very much looking forward to being able to show my music to the public with WOOSOO’s first solo.

3.     Please tell us about the song, ‘Because of You’. What do you want to share the most through this song?

‘Because of You’ is a song that blends the excitement of love with the R&B and soul feeling. It’s a song that expresses a heart fluttering feeling that something good will happen.

I think this song goes well with the upcoming spring.

Through this song, I wanted to appeal to the public that a singer called WOOSOO can do this type of music, and I wanted to share that my strengths and charms fit well with various music.

4.     Can you share interesting moments while shooting for the music video?

While filming for the music video, the producer and I were thinking “what kind of video would be good” and we decided that a pop-like live video would suit the most. The natural and friendly feeling.

The filming was held at an outdoor location, but since it was on the weekend, there’s so many people. Haha

A lot of people might have thought we were doing a performance, quite several people sat in front of us. They sat in groups, watched and listened, and they also took videos as if it was such a real performance.

In the middle of the video there are scenes where people pass by, but to pursue the naturalness feeling, there are many scenes where people pass by that we included without editing. I think it'll be fun to find those scenes. Hahaha

5.     What attracted you to music career and what made you decide to be a singer?

I like singing since I was young, and I like to stand in front of people and take the lead in doing something. When I was younger, I used to sing in school, on the streets, just everywhere I could. Since I couldn’t neglect my studies, I built my dreams by participating in singing contests and competitions and I was at my happiest when I sang in front of other people.

I’ve always had a lot of friends because I’ve always been sociable, but apart from that, I’ve always loved the eyes of the people watching the stage when I’m singing in the contests. So, I decided to become a singer.

6.     You have recently made your name as a composer and lyricist, what is the hardest challenge you face while writing a song?

I always have a lot of worries when it comes to work that requires creativity.

I’ve thoughts like, “I have to create something new”, “How do I express this through image directing”, “What would suit me well”.

I’ve started the music that I like through this solo, but I’m always concern about how much the public would like my music, and whether I can make music that many people can relate to with honest stories.

7.     What aspect of your music do you want people to focus on?

In addition to the image that I’ve shown as a group member, I’d like people to focus on how diverse and challenging the singer WOOSOO is as a solo artist. How talented I am in making good music that the public can feel happy when they listen to my songs, sympathize with sadness, and feel the joy and sorrow.

But this time, I metaphorically expressed the excitement of spring and the feelings of love.

8.     What impression do you think you give when you first meet someone?

When I was promoting as a team, just by looking at me without having any conversations, lots of people think I’m scary, difficult and edgy person. I think the reason was because since I hold the pillar in the position of a leader who takes care of many members, I thought more of the team rather of my own self. But once we started talking, they said I’m friendly and humorous.

Nowadays, I heard a lot of things like, “You’re friendlier than others” and “I want to befriend you”.

I tend to pursue natural things. For example, I prefer small shops in the neighborhood rather than large supermarkets.

That’s why I enjoy doing internet broadcast. There, I love to talk to people comfortably like a friend, not as an artist or entertainer.

9.     You have been actively communicating with your fans through social media and online live apps, what is the first thing that you would you like to do when you can meet with your fans face-to-face?

I want to say thank you and hug all the fans who waited for me. It was such a short time, but a lot of things happened over the years.

There are more people who waited for WOOSOO than I thought. It’ll be great to have a performance with my fans, but I’m thinking having a face-to-face talk with them over delicious meal would be great as well.

And of course, it’d be great to share my new challenges and music with all of you!

There are still many fans that I haven't met, I want to meet fans from various countries.

10.  What is your proudest and happiest moment as a singer?

My happiest moment as a singer is that there are fans who listen to my music.

“I gained strength through your music”, “I’m WOOSOO’s long-time fan”, “He’s a great singer”, when I hear those kinds of words, it really makes me very happy.

If there is at least one fan who loves my music and supports me, I’ll do my best until the end.

11.  What if you can achieve another dream other than music?

I have a lot of interest in fashion, so I thought about being a fashion designer, and I think it's good to have a job where I can deal with people because I like meeting people.

Recently, my dream is to open a small cafe and meet various people to communicate and create a fun space. (It's a secret that I'm recently learning to make bread~ haha)

12.  If you could snap your fingers and instantly make the world better, what would you do?

I think the most difficult thing right now is that many people around the world are suffering from health and psychological anxiety caused by the virus.

Many people are having a hard time, losing their jobs. Korean singers are having a hard time too, I want to get rid of the virus right away. I want to go back to the days when there was no Corona.

I'm praying and hoping to meet a lot of fans again.

13.  To the people who just got to know WOOSOO, what is the best way for them to get to know you better?

I upload photos and videos about my daily life on Instagram. YouTube is not up yet, but I'm going to start soon, to do covers or various music for many people. I'm making lots of efforts to meet many fans.

Usually, they can get to know me through live broadcast on the Internet. But I haven't been able to do it recently because I'm busy. But I'm going to communicate with many people through internet broadcasts again soon. (Of course, I like doing games broadcasts too. Haha)

For those who got to know me for the first time, to know which group I was part of, what kind of show I did, I hope you’ll watch all the shows available on YouTube!!

14.  Any projects that your fans can look forward to in the near future?

My plan now is to release a new album every month. Once the Corona is over and we can travel just like before, I want to let you listen to variety of songs. But in the meantime, I’m planning to release many songs.

15.  Lastly, can you say a few words to your fans? 

Thank you so much for waiting for me for a long time. I’ll be back with better music in the future.

Watch Because of You here!

Don’t forget to like and follow My K-Pop Wire for more K-Pop interviews, events, debut and comeback updates!

Instagram: mykpopwire

Facebook: My K-pop Wire

Twitter: @mykpopwire

Connect with WOOSOO!

Twitter: @wys1989

Instagram: w_youngsoo

Youtube: WooSoo

[ziracona]

Could you elaborate on that Gordon fan theory about him being an inside mole? I haven't heard of it before and it sounds intriguing. Plus ever since the small reference to him on the memorial in ILM, I've been wondering what your thoughts were on how he ended up

Oof, okay, buckle up. This will be the abridged version but that’s still gonna be long. (Don’t read if you want to avoid spoilers for the Saw franchise).

So, in Saw, Gordon is a fkn anomaly to most of the fanbase. Becuase he has a wildly solidified character. You watch Gordon & Adam both go through three different character arcs back to back, and trauma bond, and the second to last scene in Saw is this fkn devestating & beautiful one where—let me back up. So. Quick Saw summary. Two people wake up chained by the ankle to pipes in a small nasty abandoned bathroom with a corpse on the floor between them. They’re each left a tape recorder which tells them why they’ve been targeted (Gordon because he doesn’t value life enough which is evidenced by...? — real reason is he’s literally just the unfortunate Doctor who told John he had Cancer, and John Kramer is that petty of a stupid bitch. & Adam is grabbed becuase...Literally he didn’t even bump into John Kramer or something. The guy took him because he’s a starving early 20s kid who is a photographer, and John thinks his occupation & he are pathetic. I’m not joking. Or exaggerating. This is quite literally the given reason for torturing & killing Adam being fine to John). Anyway, Gordon’s wife and like 7 year old daughter have been kidnapped and are being held at gunpoint. Gordon is told that if he finds a way to murder Adam by six (poor Fkn Adam is 6 feet away & hears this whole tape) on the clock, they and he go free. Adam is told if he can stay alive until after six, he wins and can go free.

They spend then the remaineder of Saw trying, like you’d hope good, decent, or even medium or somewhat shitty people would, to help each other escape, rather than Gordon trying to kill Adam at all. They attempt to fake Adam’s death & fail bc they didn’t realize their shackles were wired & they could be zapped, which makes playing dead really hard. Initially they are frustrated by each other, especially Gordon, who is an adult & levelheaded, by Adam who is young and jouvenile and freaking out & being a pain at first, but they bond through attempting to escape & to figure out what’s happened to them, and also learn more truth about each other. Meanwhile you also get backstory on Jigsaw & the case, and follow Detective Tapp’s story through a few investigated murders, the loss of his partner, and to where he is following Gordon, whom he is convinced is Jigsaw, now. Back in the bathroom, Adam and Gordon reach 6 on the clock, and Gordon gets a phone call where the man holding his wife at gunpoint makes her tell him he failed his game & now she and their daughter have to die. His wife bites the man’s hand, and they fight, but all Gordon hears is screaming in his wife and child’s voices and gunshots, and he has a mental breakdown believing they’re being murdered on the other end of the phone. Then is electrocuted. Adam flips out and tries to throw small stones at Gordon’s body to wake him up, terrified he’s dead, and succeeds. Adam is overcome with relief, but Gordon has a full mental breakdown, almost having died and believing his family is dead, then swapping immediately to denial and convincing himself it’s not too late and he can still save them. Adam tries desperately to apologize and calm him down, then to in horror talk him into stopping while he watched Gordon begin to saw off his foot (Adam was given a saw for this purpose too, but his broke early on before they realized the saws were meant for their feet instead of the chains). Gordon does not stop, and Adam watches in horror as he cuts off his foot, crawls to the gun the dead body on the floor has been holding, and puts the one bullet he was given into it. He tells Adam while crying and breaking down that he’s sorry but he has to die he has to save his family. Adam begs him not to shoot, but he does.

Meanwhile, Bc he’s staking out Gordon’s home, Tapp hears shots, runs in, and is able to chase off the killer and save Gordon’s wife and daughter. He pursues the killer to the meat packing plan, where he is ambushed, struggles, and then is shot in the stomach and left for dead. The man, Zepp, makes it to the bathroom where Gordon tries to shoot him with the bow empty gun & screams at him for what he did to his family, who he still believes are dead, then breaks down crying again. Zepp takes out a gun and tells him he failed to kill Adam by 6, so he has to die. Gordon asks hopeless why, and he tells him those are the rules, then goes to shoot him while Gordon tries to shut his eyes and brace for death. Adam, who is not dead, grabs Zepp’s feet and drags him down in a surprise attack, rips the toilet bowl lid off the toilet, and beats him to death with it, saving Gordon, who watches in shock and then crawls over and puts a hand on his shoulder and gets him to stop beating the dead corpse. Adam is wounded & criying because gunshot wounds fkn hurt, & Gordon tries to comfort him. Tells him it’s just a flesh wound—it’s his shoulder—he’ll be okay. Just keep pressure on it. He has to go get help. Adam begs him not to leave him alone in the bathroom, but Gordon says he has to or he’s going to bleed to death (which is incredibly visually apparent). Adam tries to keep him, then watches him crawl and pleads for him to wait and asks if they’re going to be okay? Gordon tells him “I wouldn’t lie to you.” and gives him a reassuring smile while half dead and crawls out to look for help. Adam is left alone and searches Zepp’s corpse for keys to his shackle, then finds a tape exactly like his & Gordon’s. He plays it, and realizes to his horror this man Zepp was another victim, not Jigsaw. He was poisoned and told to kidnap Gordon’s family & shoot them both & Gordon if Gordon lost to earn an antidote, or just accept death and refuse to participate. While the tape plays, the corpse in the room with them stands up, and Adam realizes to overwhelming horror it has been alive the whole time, and it is Jigsaw, who wanted a front row seat to their torture, suffering, and death. He tries to grab Zepp’s gun & shooot him, but Jigsaw/John electrocutes him w a remote (the shackles are wired) and leaves, congratulating him on winning & telling him where his key is (it got flushed down a drain when Adam woke up, which John no doubt planned), then telling him “Game Over” and locking him alone in the bathroom because John’s a fake ass piece of shit who doesn’t even keep his promises & let the winners go.

The end scene between Adam and Gordon is phenomenal & heart wrenching (Saw is an amazing character piece of a film, & the first film is the reason it became a modern horror staple! Watch here if you’re curious! :’-]

While Gordon does eventually, under extreme duress, shoot Adam, he never wants to kill him, and they are definitely close by the end of the film (which is clear both from the way they treat each other, and their more decisive actions, like Adam risking his life to save Gordon after being shot by him & never seeking recompense for the gunshot, Gordon trying to help Adam & comfort him as well as get help for them both). This is the central relationship of Saw 1, and it’s really well done.

Then, in Saw 2, there’s just no mention of Gordon going back to save Adam. We wonder what happened, until Amanda & Danny stumble to the bathroom form Saw 1 & you are greeted by Adam’s decaying corpse still chained there. It’s later revealed that Gordon escaped the bathroom, cauterized his wound on a hot pipe because he knew he was going to die otherwise, then passed out from pain. John found him and took him to his workshop, where he nursed him back to health & gave him a prosthetic leg, before convincing him to join the team.

Understandably, this did not sit well with any of the Saw fandom. We fight about all kinds of stuff, but the one thing I’ve like, never seen disagreement on, is that it makes no fkn sense for Gordon to betray Adam like that after how close they were, and it makes even less sense he’d willingly join the man who super tried to murder his wife and kid. If it wasn’t for Tapp and Adam, Gordon, his wife, and his child would be dead now. John endangered all 3 intentionally, and did not save or spare any of them.

Still with me? So. Because of that, people started digging. Now, out of Jigsaw’s apprentices, Gordon is the only one who never takes a very active roll. He did not run games or kidnap people. Becuase he was a doctor, John called him in to do medical work for tests, such as sewing a key into the eye of the man from the cold open to Saw II. The only active work he takes is catching Hoffman at the end of Saw 3D & locking him in the basement, which John asked him to do if Hoffman killed Jill (which Hoffman does). This together with Gordon’s character led to a massive fan theory. Let me try to break it down.

After Saw 1, Gordon joins a support group for Jigsaw game survivors, and returns to his family. We get very little info about him period until Saw 3D though. However! Pre Saw 1, Jigsaw basically never lost, the cops never even got close. Suddenly after Saw 1, the entire gang falls apart, starting with Amanda and John, then finally Hoffman & Jill. In Saw 3, it’s revealed Amanda went back to the bathroom to kill Adam when he survived his test. She promises she’s there to help him when he wakes up scared and half dead in the dark, and then puts a plastic bag over his head and smothers him while he fights. This lead to a fan theory that Gordon went back to save Adam once he could (able to walk & not being shadowed by Jigsaw), but was too late, and decided to take revenge very carefully. However, Amanda has a shit track record of thinking she killed someone & not checking for a pulse (see Eric Matthews, who she thought she beat to death), so the even more popular theory is that Adam was not dead by the time Gordon got to him, and Gordon saved him and replaced his corpse with another. This theory is backed by the fact that Adam was shot in the shoulder, but when the body is seen in other films, it is both too decayed to be recognizable, and the gunshot wound is in the stomach (where Tapp was shot). Furthermore, when Amanda & Danny find Zepp and “Adam”’s bodies in Saw 2, Zepp, who was already partially bald, still has hair, yet Adam’s corpse is completely bald. The shackle is also on the wrong foot now, which would indicate it was removed and then replaced by someone in a hurry. Now, obviously it’s possible this was just a continuity error, but given that Saw usually has a good track record with continuity (and uses them a lot for big reveals), that gives more weight than usual to the theory.

So, this led to the idea that Gordon was able to either save Adam, or at least remove his body & bury it, replaced it with a fake (possibly Tapp? but considering the bodies wouldn’t be decayed enough for the skin to be missed if he did it when Adam was alive or in decent preserve even, and Tapp is considerably taller, I’d assume he, as a doctor, didn’t have too much trouble stealing a John Doe cadaver from the hospital) corpse in Adam’s clothes, then agreed to help Jigsaw becuase he was smart enough to know if he didn’t play along, John would kill him (he would, and has. He never lets people with dangerous information go). John also tends to have failsafes in place, like “if Gordon betrays me, kill his daughter” kind of stuff, so the theory is Gordon played along to keep his family safe, instead of going to the cops, since he knew at least Hoffman worked for Jigsaw already, and there might be more plants, and did his best to engineer the breakdown and eventual demises of the whole team from Saw 1 on. (Was the one who gave Hoffman the idea to threaten Amanda or the info to do it, intentionally failed to protect Jill from Hoffman to have an easy excuse to kill/see both dead, etc). Makes double sense if Adam was alive, becuase if Gordon revealed himself as mole, first thing Jigsaw & co would check is what else he messed with, and they knew he was close to Adam.

There’s a lot more details to it, but that’s the short version. Most people I know in the Saw fandom ascribe to it in a weird kind of “Look I know it’s probably just inconsistent character writing and in that case fuck Gordon he can go to hell, but since I truly don’t believe Saw 1 Lawrence Gordon would do this & there’s enough evidence for reasonable doubt, I choose to believe the convoluted theory that makes him make sense & also means Adam could maybe be alive” way. Including me. If Gordon really decides he has no issue with John after what he did to him, his baby girl, Adam, and his poor wife, joins him willingly & helps, then he’s as bad as Amanda & Hoffman & fuck that guy. But since the characterization doesn’t match /at all/ & there’s never an explanation given, & fan theory makes more sense, I tend to think of Gordon as if the fan theory is right? Although if you don’t & thus hate Gordon, 100% respect. I just cannot watch Saw 1 & believe Lawrence would join up for any reason but revenge & long con to keep family safe. I mean, he tried to kill a /friend/ to save his family. You’re really going to try to convince me the man who cut off his own foot by hand to try to save his wife and daughter would ever be cool with or forgive the man who tried to execute them for no reason? Uhhh, to quote Dr. Gordon himself,

I mean.

💁🏻‍♀️ You can’t convince me the man this hellbent on destroying the man who was threatening his family did not make him pay, and just decided to be pals. You can’t. It’s inconsistent writing. :’-] anyway, there’s other info too—one of the disguised figures who helps Lawrence take out Hoffman is the exact height Adam was, the plastic bag from Amanda is gone & the corpse in a different position, etc—been like 2 years so I don’t even remember it all, but it’s very fascinating. & that’s the short yet somehow still too long version of the Gordon theory I definitely did not proof read at all for which I apologize! It’s more convincing than I write it I swear I am just exhausted. :’-] But yeah, most saw fans ascribe to it, which is why we all seem to still like Gordon, and he’s so often shipped with Adam, both of which would probably otherwise seem massively confusing. Hope it helps!

(Oh! & in ILM, since i ascribe to that theory, I wrote him that way. Failed to save Adam, buried his body, then took slow, careful revenge on Jigsaw & co. to keep his family safe. Knows there are deaths he is not blameless for becuase of that, and is full of guilt over wondering if going to the police wouldn’t have saved people, even if he had understandable doubts & reasons for what he did. Is especially guilty for Adam’s death. Seeks to make reparations slowly his own way. [tho also soemtimes secretive characters lie to me until it becomes necessary for me to know, so it’s possible Gordon saved Adam & is hiding it, but given the whole gang is dead, I don’t know why he still would be, so I think ILM verse all he could do was bury the body]).

[tangerinegod]

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

[paulinesherrera]

How to maintain positivity in life

Happiness is relative to diverse individuals as we all live and ponder differently, but amidst circumstances, we can always be positive --may it be in facing a problem, making a decision, or by just simply living our everyday lives. Optimism holds power as it keeps us intact and steadfast as we go through in life, but it takes a lot of courage and folds of experiences in order to drill this power as it is not just a hobby to do, but a lifestyle to live by.

These 10 personal guidelines on how to maintain positivity in life pretty much worked for me in my years of existence that have inspired numbers of people that I encountered:

1. Divide your priorities

This is one of the best ways to stimulate yourself as to the things that you should focus on rather than to delve with unnecessary circumstances. Priorities usually include your family, friends, education, organizations, work, spiritual matters, and especially yourself, that provides clarity of direction as to where your goal is dedicated. These priorities insinuate psychological division that what needs to be accomplished or solved with this priority does not interfere with your other priorities to avoid mental breakdown.

This is where I apply the cabinet method: cabinet has divisions or what we call as drawers. These drawers signify your priorities in life, and the clothes that belong in that specific drawer needs to be organized as to where it's suppose to be --these clothes signify our goals. In order to attain that positivity as regards our priorities, we should dedicate our goals to that certain priority just as how a clothing belongs to a particular drawer so that it's easy to pick things up in case things go wrong. One of the best examples is that if you have a problem with your friend, you should not pass the burden to your workmates so that your priorities won't get affected as a whole. Try to set your priorities, divide them, and get things done respectively.

2. Write it down

In order to keep track with all of your tasks, whether it be vital or not, you should write it down or make a to do list for it gives mental security that you will not forget those tasks even if you get distracted with certain events. For as long as those tasks are written down, you know for a fact that it should be accomplished. You are 42% more likely to reach your goals when you write them down. It is better that the list can be seen than just existing within our head. Aside from tasks, you should also write your priorities, things that you are grateful for, things that think about, or even notes during a meeting or discussion because it keeps you focused and refrains your brain to forget because seeing those thoughts written down gives you that sense of possession that those are the things that happened, are happening, or will happen in your own life.

3. Know when to speak and act

There is a time for everything --in order not to regret things that we have done, we should think of it a hundred times before we do it. Being a highly positive person creates vision in their minds about the consequences of a definite decision before they enforce it. You should contemplate if that action or words will benefit the both of you, and if it could solve a problem rather than to make it worse. Just fight for what is good and right, and you will be fine.

4. Appreciate the littlest things

Being grateful and kind to the littlest of things will make you appreciate the bigger ones later on. Positive people have the biggest heart for simple joys whether it be animate or inanimate such as finding pleasure in the laughter of a baby, on the sound of the chirping birds in the morning, the smell of new books and fresh brewed coffee, a stranger opening up a door for you, and catching up with a friend that you haven't seen for a while. It opens the window of our minds to a wider horizon of discernment and not limiting ourselves to things that we are only expecting. Additionally, how much does it cost to appreciate and say the word "thank you"? I think none.

5. Design your life

Remember that you are the CEO of your life and you have the freedom to personalize your company --choosing the people you're connecting with, cutting ties to those who do not contribute to your inner peace, setting your own timeframe as to when you're planning to achieve your goals, wearing the style of clothing that makes you comfortable regardless of what the society might say about you, pursuing the college degree of your choice, as long as it would benefit your whole well-being. Declutter negativities. Do not let other people control you. You are you, so be you.

6. Connect with real people

Regardless of age or social status try to talk to real people over coffee, dinner, or phone calls. Trust me when I say that it expands your perspective about life in general, and it makes you more matured to understand several state of affairs. It is important to surround yourself with life mentors and life partners to educate you in times that you feel astray. It also gives you that sense of validation that your thoughts and experiences are valued. It's just amusing to have someone that knows how you've been and how you're going through in life. Likewise, oblige yourself to be an inspiration to those around you; help people, give them your insights and advices because the easiest way to master something is by teaching it.

7. A clean space optimizes clean mind

Why is it more conducive to study in a coffee shop, in a library, or some place serene? It is because your brain adapts what your environment looks like and it keeps you more focused on the task at hand. This does not suggest that you should always go out to do something, but this proposes to organize your workspace in order make it a favorable space to get things done. It also limits the panic of where to find things because you know where you've placed them.

8. Give some time doing what you love

Being a positive person does not entail to have a schedule full of work --it might also be of help to allot a time to be alone and do things that satisfy you and make you happy such as going to salon, making an artwork, writing a poem, reading a book, shopping in malls, listening to music, going to the gym, or cooking a new recipe. It gives you a sense of fulfillment that you are not just surviving to live, but living a life you choose to live. Needless to say, but you should take a time out with yourself sometimes.

9. Always be prepared

It is better to be prepared than to be a nuisance when the day comes. Whether it be during a crisis, a surprise quiz, an unexpected visitor, or even a sudden invitation to a party, it is best to have something saved up. This also includes preparing ahead of time like organizing the things that you will be needing for the next day so as to learn the significance of punctuality.

10. Tell it to Him

This is by far the most efficient way to be positive in life –meditate. Listen to worship songs and pray to God about things that made you grateful, things that bother you, things that you’re praying for, and things that you’re sorry for. Believe that everything happens for a reason —and that is His reason. Tell Him everything as if He is your virtual best friend. With this, you know that He is just right there, guiding you, so that you do not have to worry for He is always with you and will succeed with you.

Keep in mind that there are several ways on how to be positive in life depending on what works for you. I know for a fact that some people may have a hard time instilling optimism based from their past, their personality, or their environment, but go ahead and attempt to train your mindset on how to be positive because as it does not transpire overnight, it will never happen lest you start. Take time and believe in yourself that you can. Make it a routine to be positive until it becomes a habit, then eventually, you might not notice that it has already become your lifestyle.

Keepsafe! Love, pau. ♥️

Disclaimer: Attached photo not mine.