#i haven't allowed myself to think about the consequences yet

[doctorwillsolace]

I think a huge part of why I'm so upset is that I truly deluded myself into thinking she might win

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: Sand's First Display of 'Messy' Behaviour

I'll preface this by saying I adore this man, and he's probably been the least problematic individual out of the Self-Proclaimed Friendship Circus. However, what left me with a chill was how Sand behaved when he revealed the affair to Ray.

Since we've been introduced to Sand, I think many of us have been pretty relieved by his largely green flag behaviour (in the midst of a very low bar being set in this group). This has often had me wondering what Sand's wider arc is going to be. The writers are not going to keep his storyline on one setting the whole way through. Therefore it's natural to anticipate we will be given another side to Sand - perhaps a less sympathetic or irrational part of his character. And maybe this was our first inkling into Sand's imperfections. He's also prone to vengeance and acting with an ulterior motive in mind.

Why it left me feeling so uncomfortable is because we haven't seen Sand in this light before. His score card has been pretty blemish-free.

Fuelled by a Vendetta

Nick shared this knowledge with Sand a while ago. However what triggered Sand to do something about it now was his confrontation with Top. We don't yet know what the circumstances were behind Top stealing Sand's ex from him, and how that played out. But it's evidently a sore grudge that Sand still very much holds against him.

Seeing Top again reminded Sand of the information he has at his disposal which could be used to teach Top a lesson. Sand is a very righteous person, and he doesn't think it's fair that someone should ruin his previous relationship, and now get what he wants with Mew as well. He wants Top to be punished. 'You're going to get what's coming to you, just wait'. It's possible that Sand didn't have the resources or means to get back at Top back then. But now he sees an opportunity to do so.

Combined with the fact that Sand has recently discovered that Ray loves Mew, this provides him with the perfect excuse for passing this information on. One, because as an outsider of their group, this can't come directly from him. Two, he knows based on Ray's temperament and his feelings for Mew, he'll be guaranteed to act.

Motivated by Selflessness or Selfishness?

I was originally going to post a deep dive on the scene between Ray and Sand at the bar, but I found myself constantly yo-yoing and ultimately undecided as to whether Sand's intentions were good or bad.

On the one hand, he's sharing this because he knows Ray will reveal the affair and Top will suffer the consequences. Thus, satisfying an act of indirect revenge.

On the other hand, he could also be doing this (as he so claims) due to his sense of righteousness. He just can't bear bad people getting away with bad things. And perhaps he does genuinely see Mew as a innocent victim here, and wants him to expose Top for who he is.

What also had me conflicted is that 'breaking' up Mew and Top doesn't play to Sand's interests. If Sand is romantically invested in Ray, and Mew becomes single again, this would allow Ray to continue pursuing Mew, which means Sand loses out. This is plausible if you're fuelled by unconditional love and a desire to see the person you love be happy. But I'm not entirely convinced that is the case here either.

You can also argue that Sand is 'using' Ray in this instance to achieve his objective, which is very questionable. He knows what a loose cannon Ray can be. Either he didn't think too much about the possible repercussions of how Ray would react, or he didn't care as long as Top got what he deserved. I don't think by any means Sand wishes to cause Ray any harm, but something really primal seemed to drive Sand to do this regardless of how Ray may be affected as the messenger.

So I don't know if I've decided yet. It could be a mix of all the above. This did seem to veer more on petty vengeance under the guise of righteousness. Mainly due to how Sand looks at Ray in that entire scene, which felt slightly manipulative and cold compared to how he usually has been with Ray. Especially when he says, "Mew is lucky though to have you by his side." It's almost with pinpoint precision that Sand triggers an image in Ray, to be the saviour swooping in to protect Mew.

All in all, I found Sand's behaviour this episode to be highly intriguing and unexpected. I saw a clip of First talking at an event recently, where he says something along the lines of 'when you see Sand do this, please forgive him', which implies there will be some further questionable or inexplicable behaviour later on potentially. Hmn.

[bummybonesnov7]

Anyone who still believes spoiled/expired cheese truly is never going to be happy. Believing a person who never

1) had a cousin who NEVER worked on the social media team

2) never had any info

3) just lied about everything for attention and followers.

Don’t believe me? Just hear it straight from the “source”.

But but but ……

Remember she said?

Anon: I'm the anon that said I was frustrated that it felt like they were getting rewarded. I don't actually listen to the other side, in fact, I try to stay in my own corner and behave myself lol. Perhaps I am unaware of the things that have come out in most recent interviews because after the fiasco of the post breakup articles, I tried very hard not to even read them. But to me, it very much seems like the social media account is pandering/baiting that ship. At the very least, I would like there to be consequences for the worst of the things that have happened. Being able to send someone death threats, harass and threaten people online, subject them to CSA against their will and nothing happens...getting away with it is the same as being rewarded, I feel.

Rotten cheese: Again, I understand, I do. But you can’t really run to the authorities and say "buddieBfuckin25 told me to go jump off a building." Especially if they're not even in America. And the social accounts can't be all "buddie bones" because 1, they post for GA and believe it or not, the GA don't even know what Buddie is and if they do, they don't see it and 2, they will never give away the plot because it goes against contracts (and they don't even know it 98% of the time) they are given a list of what they are allowed to post.

Read these articles, anon.

Yet, yourself in your “oops i got caught” moment wrote “Welp, that came put of left fucking field, huh? I don't know why, but there was a last-minute change, and unfortunately, I don't know if it's permanent or not. I do know that all INTERVIEWS and onscreen interactions did not point to this.

PLEASE READ THE ARTICLES. PLEASE. what was Tim’s quote again? Oh

"Look, I think the breakup was premature, but that was by design. For me, the story that I was trying to tell was here's a guy, Tommy. He's not a main character on the show. We haven't done 'Tommy Begins' or something.

But Tommy's a guy who's in a different place in his life than Buck is. And I think what Tommy realizes is exactly what he said, which is, I'm not your last. I'm your first."

Maybe that your own advice and start listening to TIM WHO IS THE SH TELLING YALL. ITS OVER

[secretdiaryofcrowley]

Where we left off:

Nina, purveyor of coffee, whirling into the scene like a thunderstorm, woke our hero from his precious sleep (and a weird dream) to give him - me - another telling-off.

She's quite scary when she's angry. Not demon scary, but most definitely human scary.

"Do you even understand how all of this affects Maggie?" I'm not surprised at the burst of emotion in her voice as she says the name.

"She's been worried sick about you! Trying to write to you, trying to call you, and some days even waiting by your car for you to wake up, so she could make sure you're all right."

"I'm not." How does she even find me? I drive around and park the Bentley in different places every couple of days.

"We KNOW. Do you think none of us has gone through breakup before?"

Well, maybe you have. I certainly haven't. I don't do relationships and I have no idea how to process this. Except for drinking, sleeping and curling up in a little snake ball of pain.

"Of course it's bad. It hurts like hell..."

Worse. Speaking from experience here.

"... and you have every right to be sad and mopey and angry, but stop shutting out your friends. Talk to us! At least let us know where you are and what's going on."

"I don't have friends. Never wanted friends. Completely friendless person, me."

She sighs. "Yes, you're a devil and you're evil, blah blah blah, real man solves his problems on his own. Heard all of that before, except maybe the devil part. But you've got to realize that your actions have consequences for others. You're not alone in this world."

But I am.

I've always been alone. For 6000 years on this godforsaken planet, doing the bidding of my ridiculous headoffice and trying not to go completely insane. Using every excuse to be close to my angel and every excuse not to get too close, so we wouldn't be in trouble. Missing him after every encounter, every meeting, every conversation. Sometimes positively yearning for his presence, but never ever being able to act on it.

Because that's just the way things are.

I was alone the last time I hit rock bottom. Healing one step at a time, slowly piecing myself together after my 33 years of torture. Because I allowed myself to save one human soul and got caught at it. One. Single. Human. Soul.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I never had anyone to talk to because angels are my enemies, demons are my rivals and humans wouldn't be able to shoulder all this bullshit that's been going on with me. And God doesn’t answer to any of us.

And yet, Nina has the nerve to come here, shake me awake and tell me that I'm not alone? That I’m supposed to 'talk about it'? Throw overboard all my harshly earned survival skills because now apparently, I have friends?

No, absolutely not. I don't make 'friends' with other people. It's not something demons - the word is demon, not devil - do. You can stop pretending to care now and walk away.

She doesn’t.

Instead, she throws my very own words back at me. “For once in your life trust somebody!”

~ * ~

More Diary Parts

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21

[artdivadej]

Survivor’s Remorse

Part 9

18+ | PTSD

Part 10

When I awake again, I feel well rested and secure. I'm curled up in a ball around someone who's unnaturally warm. The arms around me tighten a little as I wiggle. Blinking a few times, I see that whoever was my cuddle buddy, didn't have much choice in the matter. My hands were practically inside their vest as I held it in a vice grip.

Oh.

Oh......

Oh shit!

I tilt my head up and see that I am in fact curled up against Peeta's broad chest, his arms wrapped tight around me as we slept.

This was not safe. I could’ve accidentally killed him in my sleep!

"G'mornin" he mumbles with a yawn above my head

I face the consequences of my actions and pull my head from his chest, sliding back a little, not that his arms allowed me to go but so far. His eyes are groggy but trained on my face, inspecting.

"How do you feel?" he hummed

"Rested" I admit "You shouldn't have slept here"

"Not like you gave me much choice there sweetheart" he chuckles looking down to his chest

I follow his gaze and quickly unwrap my nails from the vest. There are even punctures in the fabric where they'd been clutched.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be. I haven't slept that well in a while either" he grins sliding into a sitting position

I follow suit and look around the cellar. I'm nestled between Peeta and Cressida, Katniss is checking Finnick's shoulder over on the boy's pallet. It's still dark out.

"How long was I out for?"

"A full day. Tigress brought more food and news about the fighting. We've started planning what to do from here"

"You should've woken me"

"No. You needed the rest. We can strategize and fill you in later"

"What's been decided?"

"The rebels are in the city. Only a few blocks from here so, they're evacuating. Most will be going to the mayor's mansion tomorrow. That's when we leave" he explains

"We'll put on some disguises and fit in with the others going there. Gale and I will be together. I look enough like you that it'll be a distraction in case someone does figure out who we are"

"You could just let me go first. Even if a mob chases me, it's a Capitol mob. I can outrun and overpower them to buy some time for a distraction" I offer, taking the can Cressida offered me

"No. You and I will be together"

"I'm not going to just throw myself at an angry mob" I sigh

"And how am I supposed to trust that?" he fires back accusingly

"I guess you can't. I can't promise the mutt version of me wouldn't hurt you when the gunfire starts either"

"Exactly. So we go together"

***

Haymitch pats my knee twice.

"Even in 13 you didn't have it easy. Yet, look at you now sweetheart" He smirks gesturing between me and Peeta, whose nose is buried in my hair "A Victor doesn't begin to cover the two of you. Don't let each other go. You'll need one another"

"I guess I'd better go pack" I sigh, not wanting to leave the safety of Peeta's arms. In our home.

I wanted to stay buried in his scent forever. Shielded from a world that had taken all of me and even after I regained myself, or part of, they still demanded more. But my Peeta. My sweet Peeta. He had hands that made everlasting memories of warmth and love for all blessed enough to see his creations. As long as I was with him, I could weather any storm.

***

When we got to the train platform I was practically vibrating with nerves.

It was the same train.

I stop cold in my tracks and just stare at the infernal thing. My carryon bag forgotten at my feet. So many hijacked nights from my days and nights on this very train. Why did it have to be this train?

As I feel myself beginning to drown, warmth envelops me from behind, secure arms wrapped around my waist. His lips and nose are buried in my hair and it calms my palpitating heart.

"They didn't give use separate rooms this time" Peeta informs me

"I think after the maybe-baby bomb, they've given up all pretense of us being pure" I snark, pleased that he threads his fingers through mine and give a squeeze

"Not like we ever followed that rule anyway" He chuckles picking my bag up and slinging it over his broad left shoulder, his right hand still in mine.

I let him lead me into the train towards the north end, close to the nose, where our room would be. We're in between it, in the dining car, that is thankfully not set up like a opulent feast. There's a spread but it's humble. A roasted duck, some venison slices, and rabbit with a bowl of greens for a salad. Peeta must have informed the train staff about my appetite. I wanted a bite of that rabbit now, but I knew I had to get settled first.

"I'm going to find Haymitch. Make sure he's not bullying the staff in the bar car. I promised to keep him behaved until we got there" Peeta rolls his eyes playfully

I wrap my arms around his neck and tuck my face into the column of it, taking a large inhale, trying to commit his security and scent to memory. Rubbing my nose against it, I melted my body to his. He dropped the bag and quickly gathers me up in his arms, always understanding me without a need to hear it.

"I'll be right back. I promise"

"I'm ok. I'll be OK" I repeat to reassure us both

I know that Peeta won't let go before I do, so I reluctantly release him, then take a step back to make sure I don't pull him right back into my arms.

"Go. Before I change my mind" I growl giving his hard chest a small shove that doesn't even make him budge

"You're a bossy little thing today" Peeta teases before throwing his hands up in surrender and taking long, quick strides to find Haymitch in the other car.

I take a steadying breath, scoop the bag up and walk into the compartment. When I step inside, my breath catches and sweat breaks out over my cool skin, terror seizing me tight. That bed. I walk over to it with legs of lead, running my fingers over the silken sheets covering the mattress. Even the colors of the sheets were the same. Then the door opens and in he walks.

Mean Peeta. 

My cheek throbs, a memory so viciously clear, knocks the wind out of me. I feel the haze taking over and I can't fight against the overwhelming fear. It's threatening to pull me under and I can't make sense of where I am anymore as my breath comes out in heavy pants. Pupils receded to miniscule slits, hands twitching with the need to fight back at the mist forming the Visage that is Mean Peeta. His slow stride towards me, distaste tilting his lips as his too bright eyes look me over with boredom.

He was here. How did he get here!

No!

I roar loudly and throw a lamp that'd been sitting on the dresser at him, refusing to let him near me ever again. He ducks the lamp and smirks at me condescendingly. I wasn't caged anymore. I'd rip his damn throat out.

Where was my Sweet Peeta?!

[vole-mon-amour]

Going with Minthara and her plan is truly something else.

My Durge broke a Vengeance oat as soon as I pointed the grove on her map.

Wyll left immediately, wasn't even at the camp when I came back.

Karlach left as soon as I entered the goblin's party (and Dammon was killed by Minthara, which is another yikes moment.)

Gale hates me and himself and wanted to leave, but I convinced him not to. Gale going "...and I participated" like... Yeah? You did? You could've left? Or does the mechanics of the game do not allow the character to leave if they're in your party? Either way, he blames my DUrge.

I haven't saved Halsin and haven't even met him. I just didn't enter the prison room and went straight for the slaughter, so Halsin hasn't appeared just yet. Maybe later, I don't know, but I fucking miss him and his voice.

Minthara's sex scene is very nice and horny (she literally sits on a dragonborns' face), but then she tries to kill you just like Lae'zel (btw, in this run I saved her but didn't invite her to the camp. So no idea where she is.)

Shadowheart is simply drunk and doesn't really care and thinks that the ambush was meh and that a child could've done it.

Astarion rejected my DUrge with "I'm flattered, but I think not. I have standards." The approval was negatively neutral. Like? He seems in the elevated mood because the wine is way better and he really doesn't mind the killing, but what's the point when there's no Astarion romance? Maybe I should've went full into killing and doing everything to earn his approval, IDK. At the beginning I still tried to help the tieflings and look where that got me. (Sure, on my first playthrough I spent WAY more time exploring the map before the party happened & I was still struggling getting Astarion's approval until I figured it out and the romance happened. But to have that approval for the romance without exploring the map much? Yeah, I should have probably went full on with killings, hmm.) UPD: Oh, and Astarion hasn't tried to bite me even ONCE, which I find incredibly weird. I can't use his bite either cause its not showing.

Zevlor screaming that I betrayed them and watching all those spiders and goblins attacking the tieflings... :/

And all the time I was forcing myself to choose all those options that come with Minthara bc I'm curious what all fuss is about, but I don't think I enjoy it very much. The tieflings were frightened and didn't fight back. It really IS like slaughtering children (Shadowheart's words) & I felt awful about it.

It's obvious that Larian wants you to go with the good path. Sure, they give you the option to go this path, but the consequences are awful.

And to play the entire game just to see what comes out of romancing Minthara and from trusting the Absolute? I'm sure that nothing good. I'm surprised the sun is still shining tbh. With the slaughter and the betrayal that happened at the grove, the shadowcurse should just spread on those lands, too.

Like, going with the same choices (Saving Halsin, helping Karlach, Wyll etc) is boring, but going with this path? Yiiiikes. Maybe I'll just look it up on YouTube. I want new achievements, but I'm not ready to explore the map all over again & I'm not sure if there are any for the choices you make with Minthara.

Oh, AND the game offers you the dragonborn for DUrge by default, yet many options as you answer Minthara are, "There was no honor in this" or "I did not enjoy that." So they want you to resist the urge? And kill Minthara and save everybody?

[halichor]

14, 17, 19, 23, 43, 45

hope that's not too many!

Hooo boy this is gonna be really long, so I'll just hide everything under the cut 🥹

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory.

Kastor(ias), also known as one of Driadis' parents! I'm not sure how to summarize their backstory without typing up a whole ass essay with footnotes pointing to the world building, but here goes! I'll literally just type up their backstory to keep things short.

Kastorias, the youngest child of King Kainesdaer and Queen Iodra of Kannar, grew up alongside Malagdaer, an orphaned Danaeira child the royal family had taken in during a visit to Laeces. They were more than just siblings; they were companions, their bond forged over shared lessons, quiet conversations, and unspoken understandings. As they grew, Kastor’s affection for Malagdaer deepened, shifting from a sibling's love to something more complicated, something Kastor kept hidden. But when war broke out between Kannar and Laeces, everything changed. Kastor lost their older brother, Malthior, and then their parents in quick succession, leaving them to shoulder the kingdom's future alone. Their grief was overwhelming, but the weight of leadership didn’t allow for the luxury of mourning.

Amidst the chaos of war, Malagdaer fought bravely alongside Kastor, yet tragedy struck when Malagdaer was killed in battle by the crown princess of Laeces. Kastor, already broken by the loss of their family, spiraled into an uncontrollable rage. Their grief, raw and all-consuming, spilled over into the battlefield, and for a moment, Kastor lost themselves in the violence. Though the war eventually ended, the price was steep, and victory felt like nothing more than a hollow echo of what had been. Kastor, now king, was left with nothing but the crushing weight of the lives they had lost.

17. Any OC OTPs?

I'm a multishipper, so I guess not? I like coming up with 4389123 AUs and shipping them with my own or friends' OCs, so I don't really have any OTPs hahaha

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

All of them tbh Vyonna! I haven't talked/posted about her anywhere yet, but I did post about her partner (Haelenne)... Once. Anyway, I wrote her as a way to explore certain negative aspects of myself (while also facing the consequences of her actions haha) and amping them up to eleven. Gloomy, pessimistic, and morally grey-leaning-to-black as she is, Vyonna was made not to be likable, but relatable in a messed up way for me. The only difference, maybe, is that she has no filter and evolves from being a people-pleaser to someone who gives no fucks about what others think anymore. She may come off as edgy from the way I summarized her character here, but y'all would just have to trust me when I say that they're definitely more to her than just being awful.

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

This question held me up at gunpoint hsdfjksf

Long hair? Wavy sometimes? WHITE hair? Darker skin tones? I also like them tall, since I'm not hahaha. Those are the only things I could recall at the top of my head, but maybe y'all noticed more stuff I didn't realize 🙈

45. A character you no longer use?

Oh, a lot to be honest? My Novus Dei OCs up to the present are the only ones I actively draw/write about, but I got a whole universe worth of OCs that existed back then that were more on sci-fi stuff, though my earliest OCs were Victorian-era based and involved a ton of demons from the Ars Goetia. Guess what series I was obsessed with during that time?

[kuunibal]

Please don’t worry about how quickly you respond—I truly don’t mind at all. After all, I’m the one reaching out, so if anyone should be worrying, it’s me, haha. One of my friends takes even longer to reply, if that makes you feel better.

The word was “lak” (I think? My memory is questionable). They explained to me that it’s meant to be a derogatory slang term in the country I’m currently living in. I’m not sure if it’s used worldwide, though, haha.

Gaslighting myself happens when I need to take action but can’t. I use self-deception, convincing myself to push through tasks or meet goals. I’m tricking myself into believing something that isn’t entirely true to make progress—like thinking, “if I don’t do this, certain consequences, such as this and that, will happen,” when in reality, that’s not true at all.

Dexter’s habit of avoiding conflict is relatable. The poor man truly needs people who understand him without him needing to explain himself—which made his brother’s death particularly difficult for me—at least initially? I think he’d stay guarded at first, but over time, he’d start opening up once he realised that his vulnerability won’t be judged as harshly as he fears. I also find his subtle—well, subtle in a sociopathic sense—love for his sister to be really admirable.

I also thought his brother died too quickly, though I wasn’t entirely surprised. Dexter was caught between choosing him or his sister, and in the end, he deliberately chose his sister. One could see that as selfless, perhaps. He had the opportunity to build a life with someone who truly understood him, yet he chose his sister instead. But was it really selflessness? Or was it simply a reflection of the affection he felt for her, which he didn’t seem to have for his brother? It’s a very complicated matter, I think.

And yes, I finished watching Arcane! Well, first of all, I actually really thought Viktor was dead at the end of Act II, so I was surprised and delighted to see him return in Act III. I found his character development a tad amusing because he has an unhealthy amount of parallels to my favourite character from BSD, which made me predict almost anything he did and what happened to him. The Powder/Vi/Vander plotline was very heartbreaking—they deserved so much better. I liked Jayce’s heroism, and I liked the parallel universe aspect. Did you notice the intro always slightly changing, by the way? I would’ve skipped it after watching it once if my brother didn’t force me to watch it every single time, hahaha.

Somehow, the series began as a political and social dilemma, grappling with issues of power and inequality, but eventually evolved into a blend of witches, mages, alchemy, and magic-infused technology. All mixed in a pot—and somehow, it worked.

Interesting, I do believe "lak" is a regional slang term (Germany, if memory serves me right?), but now I am curious about the definition.

I imagine having false consequences as an incentive would be stressful, seeing how you utilise fear as your primary motivating force. Perhaps motivating yourself with a reward rather than a perceived punishment would be less emotionally taxing, assuming you haven't tried that already?

I believe there are many reasons why Dexter killed his brother, and it definitely is complicated. Dexter almost threw 20+ years of the Code away and told Brian, "Yes. I’m ready to join you. But I won’t kill Deb. I’m very fond of her. Perhaps if Brian was a little less possessive and allowed her to live, he and Dexter could have run off together being Murder Brothers. Dexter loved his sister, but he was very nearly willing to leave her until Brian forced Dexter's hand and ultimately prioritised his own vision over Dexter's wants by attempting to kill her himself (twice, for that matter), essentially trying taking away Dexter's ability to choose any other option but him.

I think Dexter did hold affection for Brian, seeing how he was upset that he "had" to kill him and held no enjoyment in the act the way he did with his usual victims. It even bothered him so much that he had difficulty killing people after. Dexter wanted to be free so bad, but he also cared about Debra. His brother's conditions were too black and white, and Dexter ultimately could not fully embrace his true self with him if it meant killing her.

Yes, Arcane is a uniquely beautiful and incredibly well-made show. I have been forcing my coworkers to watch it. I didn't notice the intro changing (I skipped it after watching it once as well), but I saw comparison videos of all of the hidden shots. There are so many details, Easter eggs, and story even with background characters who don't have dialogue. I am both inconsolable about the ending and in awe. I don't know how familiar you are with the characters outside of Arcane, but there is an endearing official short story League of Legends has for Viktor.

[crownmemes]

Pretentious & Poetic Sentences, Vol. 3

(Pretentious sentences from various sources for muses that like to speak in grandiose sentences. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"What is existence but the absorption of and the reaction to the data that the universe presents?"

"I can provide several solutions for removing blood. Sadly, none of them can remove the stain of murder from one's soul."

"All turns to art in the artist's hand."

"Neither innocence nor vigilance may be protection against the howling heart of evil."

"A man digs a hole, he risks falling into it."

"I have a vision of myself without this job, disappearing down emotional dark tunnels. I need something to hold me to the world."

"You're like me. You don't just see the everyday, the banal. Human beings running about this planet thinking everything they do matters and has meaning. You see the underneath."

"I know you're not just running. I know you're not just trying to escape."

"We're all fish eating other fish. I'd rather be swimming with the biggest one."

"People in the dark are quite different, aren't they?"

"You're the most dangerous man alive. Not because you believe in your actions, but because you believe these actions are all which life allows you."

"The journey from vice to evil is but a step."

"The fiercest enemy is the man who has nothing left to lose."

"A dream is an answer to a question we haven't yet figured out how to ask."

"It's not places which are evil, it's people."

"Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it."

"Is it possible to truly know another person? Is it even a worthwhile pursuit?"

"Without the capacity for pain, we can't feel the hurt we inflict."

"Regret is an inevitable consequence of life."

"Sometimes you have to bite the orange in order to peel it."

"Sometimes the only sane response to an insane world is insanity."

"On one level or another, we all want to kill our father."

"If you look too hard, you can go mad, but if you continue to look, you become liberated."

"Did you really think you could call up the Devil and ask him to behave?"

"Nature abhors normality."

"What are you asking for? Mercy or forgiveness?"

"There's no Heaven. There's no soul. There's just rot, and there's just decay."

"I sometimes feel we have no control over what our eyes decide to see or not to see."

"Tell me, did you pay in money or blood?"

"Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for."

"Men can never be free because they're weak, corrupt, worthless, and restless."

"The way I see it, we're just animals fulfilling a biological imperative."

"It's been said that the fear of the unknown is an irrational response to the excesses of the imagination."

"When a frog eats a fly, it's not murder. It just is."

"Don't unlock doors you're not prepared to go through. "

"Control the board. Know which men to sacrifice and when."

"You can't ask the truth of a man who trades in lies."

"Is it the fate of the innocent to suffer?"

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

Ok so I was gonna go more in-depth about the timeline and try to figure some things out, but I got a little sidetracked and time got away from me so I might continue this later but for now I need to go to bed. Please enjoy this infodump about the apocalypse in Moth Wizard (my post-apocalyptic fantasy setting) and the origin of magic.

(Content warning: war, religion, death, extinction)

When exactly canon diverges from our timeline is not determined yet since I've currently placed the apocalypse really taking off "sometime in the near future" and I don't know how much of the bad stuff may or may not happen in real life. We live in scary times. Ideally I'd keep it "in the near future" for a while though, like I don't know when (if ever) I'll actually Make The Show, but I'd like for it to still be in the future when I do. It would make the "this could happen to our world" part of the "this could happen to our world and while you individually cannot save us from it, it is entirely in the hands of humans to stop it and turn things around before then" message of the apocalypse, y'know, still apply.

As I mentioned recently in a very excited tag ramble, the apocalypse has several components. I think the main ones are war, climate change, and similar corporate greed consequences like pollution, unsustainable hunting, and destruction of habitats. All of it is human in origin. This is important to me, because if it weren't humans, then it would be Hashem (G-d), and He promised never to do that again after Noah and his family survived the flood. What Hashem did was give humanity the magic that allowed them to survive (and which now fills their world with wizards).

I like to think of this as kind of an inverse of the story of Noah. Hashem did not raise the tides, it was man, and man did not create the means by which life was able to live on, it was Hashem. Are we even now? Probably not, I wouldn't claim to know whether "being even" is even an applicable concept, but I do think that this event thousands of years later changed something forever. A circle has been closed. Life on Earth will never be the same.

I'll uh, definitely consult a rabbi about this at some point though, because I'm mostly making stuff up that sounds right and fits what I have in mind for their world. I'd like to make sure it's at least not actively contradicting anything.

Anyway, so we have the nearish future timeline deviation, I hope, where everything gets worse, billions of people die in world war III and countless species go extinct. Every single country on the planet is either at war or caught in the crossfire. If not for the gift of magic, it would have been the END end of life. How long after this does the story take place? I haven't decided. It's hard to put an accurate number to things.

Let's say hypothetically, magic is introduced in the year 5800, nice round number in the nearish future (a bit over 15 years).

As I've mentioned before, the first people to discover magic were kids probably aged 12-17, because of how the magic system works. To use magic, you need to try and truly believe in it, recklessly, and I don't think anyone is better at recklessly believing in undiscovered magic than teens, speaking as a former teen myself. Too young and the line between make-believe and reality won't be the right shape, too old and they'll have lost faith in undiscovered mysteries. Teens inhabit the sweet spot where the world seems just strange enough that maybe if you really really tried, you could fly.

And suddenly one day, the teens were right.

Sidenote but what I really love about this part of the magic system is that it comes with built-in explanations for why small children are not blowing up cars on accident (it has to be fully intentional and separate from playing pretend), and why not everyone uses it enough to call themselves a wizard (it's hard to believe recklessly and intentionally enough), AND gives good excuse for why anyone desperate enough could do it in a burst of emotion (recklessness is easy if you have nothing left to lose, the exact boundaries of possibility don't seem so important anymore). It's great.

It takes a while for people to believe the kids who discover magic. Obviously this footage going viral on TikTok is faked, and now there's a whole trend about pretending magic is real. And anyone who tries while under the impression that it's fake will of course fail, they don't believe at all. But the news don't have to spread via social media, it's much easier to show people in person. And do you believe it when you see a flying car on the news? You thought this was a reliable source, why would they buy into this obviously fake nonsense? And then you meet your 11-year-old cousin who claims she can make animals talk. You don't believe her, of course, until she points to a squirrel and the squirrel addresses you by name. The world is already in chaos, and now this?

Within a year, I think, it is generally understood that magic does exist. The exact mechanics are still unclear and everyone has their own interpretation, but the fact that some people are genuinely able to do things that until a year ago were definitely impossible is hard to deny now.

Somehow, magic seems to favor saving lives over taking them. This is not actually because magic itself has morals, but because it favors vulnerability and cannot be controlled the way guns can be controlled. Governments try and inevitably fail to create magical armies. You simply can't command someone to use magic. They would need to raise such soldiers from children surrounded by cultish propaganda in order to control their faith to such an extent, which of course they do to all their citizens, that's how they ever got anyone to kill another human on command, but they didn't have the foresight to include "you will be a wizard" in their programming starting 10 years ago. And now they won't get the chance. Their time is about to come to an end.

Oceans rise. Nations fall. The world we know dies screaming.

[vacantgodling]

does anyone else find working on side projects easier?

like, between the titular and barely talked about rn donut wip and now my current hyperfixation on btaf, it feels like its easier to sprint working on projects that i am emotionally invested in slightly less than my main projects that i've been pouring years of blood sweat and tears.

i think for me it also has to do with my interests evolving as i get older; donut wip came at a time where i was finally allowing myself to get into horror, and btaf has been heavily influenced by my goth lit reading kick for the past year and some change

but somehow, i find it easier to think less about the consequences of what i'm writing and getting it out easier when its not a project i love to absolute death. the projects i love to death i agonize about getting right and working until they're versions i'm satisified with. they tend to exist in a permanent planning and brain rot state.

but with stuff like donut wip--i got through FIFTEEN chapters before i got burnt out of writing and i got through those chapters in literally a week. the entire outline was done in a day. i was SPRINTING that damn novel--and i have yet to recover tm but it would be realtively easy for me to pick back up and write if i decided to anytime soon (but with btaf invading my brain i doubt it).

btaf i haven't written as quickly (bc pacing urself is important LMAO) but like. i've made WAAAAY more headway than i have on some of my other wips. full outline/draft 1 finished and working on a longer outline/draft 2 as we speak.

but i think it in part has to do with the fact that those books are set in universes with monumentally less worldbuilding. the projects i adore (paramour & tcol) are HEAVY worldbuilding endeavors so that's in part what slows them down. but not that i mind, i love those wips. but its kinda like. good lord lol.

so like, this is a semi rhetorical question, but i wonder if anyone else notices that their side projects are just easier to push through

[gwemmieee]

I've realized that I have a very complex relationship with gossip. Unique to most, but not so unique to any trans woman with autism. Not even that unique to any non-trans woman with autism. My relationship with gossip is somewhat dominated by the destructive consequences of abusers who falsely claim to be advancing the plight of women, almost as much as it is dominated by the empowerment of solidarity between women.

Since taking this new chance in this new less transphobic world to realize and broadcast that I am a woman, I have been given access to this rich inner world of gossip, and it has drastically and instantly changed my life for the better. It has allowed me to hope that anyone else will ever treat me like a human being, which has taught me how to treat myself like a human being for the first time.

I have always been someone who is in the trenches, directly facing many of the struggles of girlhood and womanhood, as well as celebrating many of its beauties and strengths, but I have not always been someone who had any clue that any of it was related to womanhood at all.

That was because I was not allowed into the world of gossip.

I had no blood family in that world--they were all too misogynistic and preoccupied with a religious level of all-encompassing shame. When it came to anyone else, I was seen for my appearance in a very bioessentialist way; for my frames of reference that had been thrust upon me without my consent and without a full picture of any other frames of reference to counterbalance; for my autism and my imperfect skills in making sure I'm accurately heard on who I am and what my intentions are. I was constantly deemed someone who is not entitled to, deserving of, or safe with, the privilege of gossip.

Instead, I was left with the scraps; people who do demonize gossip or who misuse it to be abusive; and ultimately between those people and loneliness, I chose loneliness. Because those people felt just like being lonely, and at least if I stayed away from those people, I could be more in touch with myself as a result.

My life could have become so much more fulfilling and fair so much sooner… if I had ever been given a chance to choose. To show who I am instead of being told I'm someone else and gatekept over it. I think the most traumatizing thing about my past experience with gossip, that I had before coming out as a woman, is that I was either ignored when I had my own gossip about abuse and pain, or I was adamantly kept out of real access to anyone else's genuine gossip, or I was taken advantage of in my faith in people and was led to believe that I was a welcome member of the community--while they openly refused to let me in on any gossip at all, to the point that I was deeply scared they might gossip negatively about me, too. (And in many cases, I would find out later that they did, even though I hadn't abused or coerced or been mean or dismissive to anyone. It was simply down to bioessentialism, homophobia, and especially ableism.)

That is really hard to process alongside the fact that, now that I am finally welcome into the world of gossip, gossip truly has transformed for me from this secret underworld that I was made to be afraid of to this empowering interconnected international network that helps me thrive. To this day, thanks to lingering trauma, I still have an instinctive fear of people who are especially eager to shit talk someone who I haven't had any reason to suspect is an abuser. And yet I also retain my lifelong instinct to look up to people who gleefully celebrate gossip, and to give them a chance in good faith. But, thanks to continuous traumatic experiences, I also have a very real knowledgeset, mask, and careful approach, because a large chunk of people who engage in gossip are, in fact, extremely ableist, and dangerous to interact with as an autistic person. Even if those people truly agree that I am a woman, and let me in on their gossip--the danger to letting them start to see more of me* is so great that they might just take that recognition of womanhood and access to gossip away from me, and not just for themselves but throughout every community I'm in that they have influence over. I've noticed that would even still be a problem if I was a cis woman--it's an autism struggle. It's also a much deeper problem as a trans woman, because the potential for and the consequences of my personhood being denied are much much greater. But also, it was my continued unconscious attempts to enter their world anyway, that got me here. It was the gradual inch by inch that, very rarely, exceptional women barely let me in a little bit more and educated me a little bit when they actually listened to me gossiping about my own abusers. Even while my misogynistic biological mom passionately demonized and rejected my attempts to gossip, attempted to control them, and kept me isolated. (She demonized a lot of other feminine things, too. There is something huge that I suspect about her these days in retrospect.)

It's almost as if my entire life is meant to reinforce the moral that bioessentialism is evil. I believe in the collective attempts by trans folks and our allies to redefine what womanhood is, so that people like me are more easily welcomed in, and abusers and bigots are not. And I believe in gossip as an essential tool of womanhood, that we must not tolerate misuse of.

*I carefully worded this. I would have phrased it as "the danger to letting them get to know me," but that wouldn't be accurate, as people like this never actually want to get to know me--they latch onto the first excuse they can find, however delusional, inaccurate, or bigoted, to brand me as dangerous, and once they've found it, they will voluntarily opt not to ever really know me at all.

[icdrawings]

Corpse puppet au

By @sketchquill

Chapter 7

🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

Gold's pov

I tried searching for Wally everywhere but couldn't find him "oh Wally where could you have gone?" I whispered, I walked through the empty streets "meow" I was startled before turning around to see my cat "Rascal were you following me?" I questioned before he nuzzled my dress "you silly kitty" I picked him up and started to walk noticing that the place had become familiar.

I kept following the alley, I came to a door and realized where it led to, giving it a gently push showed the bar where Wally and l danced. I looked around hoping to see him but nothing, only a coffin piano, I placed Rascal down making my way over to the piano. Taking a seat I thought of Coin and what he would have done to cheer me up, with that in mind, I started to play the same song he taught me, letting me make it my own.

I played as my mind became bombarded with so many thoughts and memories of my siblings and I, papa, my life being the money bin for my aunt and uncle, and Wally, everything. I was lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice that someone was sitting next to me until we reached out for the same piano key. I turned to see Wally, so many things came to my mind, trying to make me say something but I couldn't, I felt pathetic in front of him. He lifted his hand to wipe my tears away that I had unknowingly shed before steering me back to the piano. He played a piece of a beautiful melody, I understood what he wanted and started to play as well. Playing with someone brought so many memories of joy, it made me feel loved but sharing my song with Wally as he did the same I felt as if I have been in love with him for years and with those thoughts I couldn't help but smile and blush consequently it made Wally smile too leading to our music becoming one.

A gasp was heard from Wally as his hand detached from his arm and crawled on my arm to my shoulder before it started dancing making me giggle "pardon my enthusiasm" Wally said a bit embarrassed but I gently held his detached hand and gestured for his arm which he allowed for me to reattach his hand "well I find your enthusiasm wonderful" I said before I let go, the smile I once had slowly falling into a frown as I looked away feeling once again the guilt creeping in.

💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍

Wally's pov

I came into the bar to be alone but heard music 'must be Barnaby working on his piano again' since Barnaby used to be a musician when he was alive he used to travel to learn different instruments before he died in a storm so he was never able to learn the piano before I came along, we became best friends through piano so I would often hear him playing alone but I haven't taught him that song nor do I know it which spiked up my curiosity as I took some quiet steps

I took a peak to see none other than Gold playing, I didn't even know that they played at all actually I don't really know anything about them at all which made me think of the argument we had, how Gold reacted, they were timid and more quiet allowing me to express myself, I cried and yet they didn't but their faces looked like it was about too.

Then I started to think back to when we were on the surface, they kept away from that other man and immediately came to me, in fact I never let them explain what happened

As I thought of this I didn't realize that I started to make my way over to Gold before i sat down next to them seeing that they didn't respond. I reached out to play a key the same time they did, they realized I was there. They started to cry, it made me sad to see them cry so I gently wiped them away making Gold surprised. I then started to play my part while Gold started to play theirs

We started to smile when my hand went to climb Gold and started to dance. They giggled making me embarrassed "pardon my enthusiasm" I said "well I find your enthusiasm wonderful" they said before reattaching my hand as I noticed that their smile was fading. I knew we needed to talk "Gold" I spoke first but they stayed quiet but looked at me "I... would like to hear your side of the story" I said as I turned to them as I did the same "I was... originally in an arranged marriage" I was stunned "so the man I saw" I spoke shocked "... was my spouse... Howdy" they continued "The day I was in the woods was the first day I met Howdy" this made me jealous "was he... 'nice'" I said through my teeth "yes he was... But the marriage was forced upon us" they responded "then what about our marriage" I asked "it was... surprising yes but it didn't feel forced" they said "then why go see him" I asked a bit rude "I wanted to tell him about what was happening but then he" they want quiet

"he what?..." I asked stern

"he... confessed" Gold said quiet but loud enough for me to hear "WHAT?!?!" I shouted startling Gold making them tear up a bit "oh, oh I'm sorry, shhhh" I gently rub their face to calm them down "sorry please continue" I continued rubbing their face "okay... I was going to reject him when you came to get me" they said which shocked me "you were... going to reject him?" I asked in disbelief "yes with him it felt forced that I would just have to learn to love him but... with you it doesn't... it felt natural, it felt, it feels real" Gold started to blush and tried to look away but I gently forced them to look back at me

"then why lie to me?" I asked quietly "I didn't mean for it to be a lie, I did tell papa about you and he said yes to meeting you" they said which got me excited but I had to stay focused and allow them to continue "I went to Howdy because even if we only met once I could tell that he's a good person, he deserves to know why I left and that he should go off and find someone else that would love him in ways that I couldn't because..."

I push our foreheads together keeping eye contact

"because?" I said teasingly "because I am... yours" Gold said making us both blush "as I am yours" as we sealed those words with a kiss

----------------------------------------------------------

[prince-liest]

ARO/ACE NAVELGAZING

Now that I've unlocked the final square on my ell gee bee tee bingo card, I've begun to wonder how much of my gender thing is sourced in being an aroace thing. I find that despite being 27 years old, being called "girl" has never actually quite bothered me, but the word "woman" in relation to myself is so viscerally unappealing that I can't find any way in my imagination to comfortable with it. I've noticed that about myself before, but I've never really thought about it overmuch, and now I'm wondering if it is because "adult woman" is a status that is just inextricably connected with being an object of sexuality and romance in my mind for messy societal misogyny reasons.

I've always identified extensively with robot/android/AI characters - Breq from Imperial Radch, Murderbot from the Murderbot Diaries, Connor from Detroit: Become Human - and I used to think that it was, in fact, the gender thing.

But the other thing all of those characters have in common is that they're not canonically subjects of romance or sexuality and, in fact, in some cases are explicitly portrayed as finding those things repugnant. Further introspection also reminds me that I've found similar comfortable relatability in female characters who aren't inhuman in any way, but also aren't involved in romance in any major way. Archivist Wasp comes to mind, and so does Baru Cormorant (who is very notably a lesbian, which is an active threat to her existence, but did not feel to me like she ever had a romance so much as she had close, complicated, painfully unromantic yet codependent relationships that she then destroyed - though I haven't read the third book).

In those cases of female protagonists who aren't involved in romance, they are significantly more relatable than non-romantic male protagonists because non-romantic male protagonists still feel very male to me. Society and media don't usually hinge male characters' masculinity on their romantic and sexual experiences in the same way that feels like a default for female characters. And in comparison, female characters that aren't involved in romance still experience the societal consequences of being female, which are important to my ability to relate to a character. And in the meanwhile, separating them from any romance feels like it de-sexes them in the narrative, in a way. I get that I'm reading a female character, but I don't feel like I'm reading about a woman because woman is something that has been drilled into my head as "object of sexualization and romance."

Despite the lack of discomfort, "girl" is still not a word I identify with strongly. Rather, it feels more like a safe mask, particularly since most of the people who use it are people who I do in fact have to mask with. But it's a comfortable mask. It's not one that I mind. In contrast, any time someone calls me a "woman" it makes me want to crawl out of my fucking skin. On the other hand, being called "boy" was outright delightful as a kid. On the third mutant hand presumably growing out of my rib cage, I strongly identify with the term "lesbian" because I feel like it encompasses many of my experiences, ranging from misogyny to compulsory heterosexuality. It just also turns out that the discomfort I feel at someone being interested in me isn't restricted just to men.

Coming to the realization of the aroace thing feels freeing in the sense that I no longer feel like I have to seek and perform romance that I have no interest in, and that I'm allowed to continue being comfortable in my skin without ever wanting a romantic partner. However, it does also certainly highlight how strongly I value my platonic friends and makes me wish that deep platonic relationships and non-sexual closeness were more normalized in society. I've spent a long time mentally prodding my feelings about closeness with people with a stick (particularly the way that they are sometimes very hot-and-cold), and I think a lot of it comes from the fact that I do in fact really value closeness and intimacy, but that on top of having strict personal limits, I am also just extremely put off by this perpetual undercurrent of anxious concern that what if someone thinks this is not platonic.

People having romantic interest in me is very stressful and frequently makes me aggressively disinclined to be around that person at all, and I have not always handled that well in the past. I actually recently had someone (cishet, unfamiliar with the term) say that the very concept of being aro/ace sounds like a code word for "intimacy issues." Which sucks! I didn't see that statement coming and had a difficult time explaining how incredibly not-uncomfortable I am with intimacy. If I had any desire for sexual or romantic intimacy, it would not be even remotely anxiety-inducing to acquire. Source: Been there, done that, it was gross. I am very full of love. I would just like it to be platonic. The wires simply don't run in the direction of romance for me and I want people to stop assuming that they do whenever I do express fondness.

Shout out to the one friend I have that actually did have a crush on me but never acted on it because she picked up what I was putting down before I realized what I was putting down, pfft. She is the best. I can't wait to further irrevocably integrate myself into her life and babysit her future children.

Anyway, I'm gonna go bury myself in another several dozen Hank & Connor fucked up found family fics and also continue to emotionally identify with robots because that is how I see myself emotionally, which I am very comfortable with.

[5-trans-aliens-in-a-trench-coat]

At school whenever I try to actually stick up for myself or my friends pr so.ething I believe in, I always get the same fucking response and I'm tired of it.

It's always"oh my god [insert given name here] just don't "

Like, they always expect the same thing. I feel like im not allowed to have an opinion because I'm just being "a teacher's pet" or "annoying" or "a pick-me" or "a pretty little princess"

I will fully admit that I am a teacher's pet, and annoying, but I dont think what I have to say should be discounted because of that. Also, I am not a fucking pick me or a "princess". Don't fucking go there.

It's just really pissed me off because it's happened for years now. Like, this may just prove what they're saying, but it made me cry today. It's really fucking unfair that someone who actually gives a shit is immediately shut down and made to feel terrible about himself just because she is worse about controlling my hormones in a building full of other people with hormones. It's fucking stupid.

And anyway, there are people who do the same shit I do and nobody says anything to their face. Why do people think they cansay this shit to my face and not have any consequences because im about to fucking break and i don't care at this point.

When they need me to be broken then I'm "perfect" and "trying too hard" but when I have to be perfect then I'm "not as good as I think I am" or "some random emo"(not saying being emo or whatever is a bad thing, but they mean it as an insult)

I don't really care what most people say, but it really hurt me today because the person who said it used to be my friend. I actually trusted them and I didn't realize until then how much of an asshole they actually were. Like, I haven't been friends with them for a while because of some other shit, but I didn't fully hit me until then.

This all happened because of bullshit drama that I'm not even a part of. Over a fucking SWEATSHIRT. If you make two people cry over a fucking sweatshirt that nobody was making a big deal about, then that your fucking problem.

Today I really noticed how much people actually hate me there. I don't know how I didn't notice before. People don't even know my name, and yet they hate me specifically.

What the hell.

Edit: okay. Yeah. I do sound like a perfect little pick me straight rich white girl with no problems. Goddamn. I fucking hate myself.

[sionisjaune]

Quite a while ago @12romy tagged me in this, but I didn't get around to it until now

How many works do you have on AO3?

21. Sixteen are F1 RPF and the rest are Captive Prince.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

101,102 words! I just passed the 100k mark last week with my recent work and I am very proud of myself! Additionally, I also posted more than 50k this year alone (with more on the way), which is more than double what I posted last year.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just F1 at the moment. I see myself continuing to write in this fandom for a while. I used to write Captive Prince fic.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

feedback on low latency (maxiel wip) 2. heist au part 1 3. girl!seb/christian 4. mafia carlando 5. sebchal influencer au

This is a pretty terrible representation of my fic imo, but these are all older works so it does make sense.

5. Do you responds to comments? Why or why not?

Always! If I haven't responded, I do intend to get around to it. I appreciate comments SO MUCH and I love to gab about my own fic.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have been told that the ending of the ships that go sailing (heist au part 2) was upsetting. Although as the author who knows what happens next, I don't find it to be particularly upsetting. I think that soft rock star (baby's first rpf) is decently angsty because of Lewis's sort of resigned hopelessness towards his continuing relationship with Nico, despite Nico getting engaged. Although I would argue it's still a pro brocedes fic, I also make the argument that the dynamic brocedes has going on is not good for Lewis.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Tell me why this is so hard to answer??? I am going to say the slimy moonlit riverbed canopied with devastated clouds. This is my extremely optimistic post Barcelona 2023 brocedes fic, and it ends with Lewis waking up to Nico having cooked him breakfast. To me the ending is extremely hopeful and romantic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet and hopefully not ever.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

YES. I use sex scenes to shore up or to explore emotional beats. Sex scenes are also a great way to work through relationship dynamics. I like my sex scenes to be super embodied and dynamic, and I like to be specific about where limbs are, what position participants are in etc. My general philosophy is to have a good "push and pull" between participants so that the dynamic doesn't get boring. This is also why you'll probably never see me write a straight up dom/sub dynamic. I just don't know how to write that type of scene.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've ever written?

Not really. If fusions count, then my craziest is a Kitchen Nightmares and Captive Prince fusion fic.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but someone asked recently, and I'm still thinking on it. I thought I would be okay with translations, but lately I've been thinking about the potential consequences of allowing someone else to control your work. I have a hard time with betaing, for example, because I can't stand to have my work be read in a state that it could be misinterpreted!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I have to credit a lot of my fic to discussions in the dms. I'm sort of working on a fic that was chat ficced to me so compellingly that I had to write it. Does that count?

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

Lewis/Nico! This should come as no surprise. It is absolutely no contest with this one.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I would love to be able to dig into any of the max/daniel wips in my gdocs, but I have terminal brocedes brainworms right now and am not currently able to write anything other than them. Sigh. It is so hard being a brocedes endgamer.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have been told lately that my writing is vibey and cinematic, and I would mostly agree! Imagery is very important to me insofar as cultivating the mood of the fic. I also think I make good, evocative verb choices.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Sometimes I struggle to write non-explicit fic. The PWP format is awesome, but its a bit of a crutch for me. I also have no idea how to write time passing other than by simply ending the scene and starting a new one, or how to introduce sudden events other than by writing "Suddenly, [x happens]".

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Usually unnecessary, and a huge pain for readers if translations are only included in the notes. If used sparingly and intentionally, this can have a cool effect, but only if you take into account that your readers are probably not going to bother translating the dialogue.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I used to write self-insert Batman fic on Wattpad (lol). If we pretend my fanfic-writing career started on AO3, then Captive Prince.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Absolutely no contest. It's the slimy moonlit riverbed canopied with devastated clouds. I said a lot of what I wanted to say about brocedes in this one, and I got a lot of wonderful comments that make me think other readers feel the same!!!

I've seen a lot of mutuals do this one already, but if you made it down here and want to say I tagged you, go ahead!