#i haven’t felt great physically today & im feeling too tired to do much else tonight i think

[spidrboots]

when his smile is so wide it takes up the entirety of his big stupid head . . . . . . . . . . <3

[shinsoussimp]

can i request keigo with a fem s/o who's parents are emotionally and mentally abusive? 🥺

a/n: of course anon! i also want to say that you’re not alone. i’m going through a similar situation and i know it’s hard. but you’ll get though this. just because it’s not physical doesn’t mean it’s not valid. if you are able, reach out to get help because nobody deserves to be treated this way. just know that your chosen family will be there for you. if you haven’t found your chosen family yet, you will. i promise. 

a/n: for context, hawks is a little bit younger in this. like college aged before he becomes a pro. this ended up being the longest thing i’ve written on this blog but i hope you still like it :D

TW: mental/emotional abuse, graphic language 

Hawks when his girlfriend’s parents are emotionally abusive

the times you spent with your boyfriend keigo were always the most peaceful. he made you feel safe and loved. which is not something you felt often. and the times where you had to go back to your own house were the worst, ever. that meant that you were going back to people that constantly beat you down. no matter how hard you tried you were never enough for them. but you were too nervous to tell keigo about everything was happening. even though at some times it was pretty obvious.

“are you sure i can’t stay over tonight?” you ask softly not so subtly trying to escape your own house for the night.

“im sorry baby girl but i have to wake so early tomorrow for training.. how about this, after class i’ll swing by your place and we can go get ice cream.” you smile and nod trying to hide the nervousness at the thought of going back home. of course ice cream with keigo is amazing, but you just really needed to be with him tonight. but because you didn’t want to inconvenience him you dropped it. after a couple more hours you were on your way back home. once you walk in the door you see your parents sitting on the couch in the living room, waiting for you. great.

“well look who decided to show up.” your dad looks up from his book narrowing his eyes at you. “care to explain what you were doing out so late?”

“i was back before curfew.” you mumble checking the time again just to make sure, you definitely were back on time.

“since when was it okay to talk to your father like that?” you mom snaps standing up and crossing her arms in frustration.

“talk to him like what?” you ask softly careful that there was no attitude in your tone. but no matter how hard you tried they always heard some.

“we’ve had enough of your behavior you ungrateful little bitch!” you try to not let their words affect you as you put your keys in the bowl by the door and walk over to the kitchen to get a drink of water.

“i bet she was out whoring around.” your dad scoffs. okay that stung. but you refuse to let them see how they were affecting you. you didn’t want to give them that satisfaction. 

“if i knew our daughter would turn out like this i would have never had her..” your mom sits back down with a huff. you gulp down your water and rush to your room. right as the door shuts, a choked sob escapes. you lay down on your bed as tears rush down your cheeks, blurring your vision. looking down at your phone you pull up keigo’s contact.

“i have to wake up so early tomorrow for training..” his voice rings in your head as you turn your phone back off. you can’t text him now, he’s probably asleep. and you wouldn’t want to be the reason that he’s tired in the morning. so you hug your pillow and cry until you feel your eyelids get heavy. you don’t even bother to change into pajamas before passing out.

the next morning your alarm blares forcing you to wake up. you groan and stretch your arms above your head. but right then you realize that your morning of peace you usually had would be gone. your parents had the day off work. you quickly get ready for class and walk over to the kitchen to look for something to eat.

“you really have the audacity to show your face after storming off like such a brat last night?” 

“i’m sorry.” you mumble as you grab a granola bar, shoving it in your bag. you mom scoffs and walks back into her room. great way to start your day. but luckily that’s the only comment made before you grab your keys and head off to class.

you walk into the lecture hall surrounded by half asleep students complaining about having to be there. but you always find yourself thankful that you were there and not at home. but today your mind drifts back to the awful words you have heard recently making it hard for you to focus. before you know it the bell rings. now it’s time for the guessing game. your parents have the day off, but will you be lucky enough that they decided to go out and do something? or will you see their cars when you pull into the driveway. sadly it was the latter. you pull your keys out of the ignition and trudge up to the front door. once you open it you hear screaming. great, they were fighting with each other today too. the only thing keeping you sane at the moment was that you got to go out with keigo today. after changing into better clothes and fixing your hair, you stand in front of your parents waiting for them to notice you, and once they do, they scoff and roll their eyes.

“what do you want?” your dad snaps. you sigh and look down at your feet mustering up enough courage to speak.

“i-i’m going out..” even though you expected it, it still made you jump when your dad slammed his fist on the table.

“are you kidding me?!” your mom screams. “everything we do for you and this is how you repay us? by going out to see that little fuckbuddy of yours?!” but little did you know that the “little fuckbuddy” was standing outside the front door with a bundle of roses in his hands. and the window was open.

“you’re disgusting y/n. i thought we raised you better than this.” your dad spat out.

“he’s my boyfriend.” you try to defend yourself but you cringe at how small your voice sounds.

“y/n, no he’s not. even if he says he is, nobody would want to be with you for any longer than like a month.” your mom says with a sickeningly condescending voice. and by now, keigo has heard enough. he can’t even stop himself from banging his fist so hard on the door that he would be worried it might break if he wasn’t so angry. you jump at the sound and turn to look at the door. you didn’t realize he was here, but now you’re just praying that he didn’t hear anything. your parents put on their facade as the loving parents that they are far from and walk towards the door.

“you must be keigo! we’ve heard so much about you.” you mom smiles.

“only good things!” your dad reaches his hand out to shake his and keigo scoffs.

“wow if i hadn’t heard everything before this i would probably believe that this is how you actually act.” his words shock all three of you. 

“excuse me?” you dad questions, a bit of the regular anger evident in his voice starting to peek through.

“y/n get over here.” keigo says with soft eyes. you immediately walk towards him but your mom’s arm across your chest stops you.

“she’s not going anywhere.” you mom says with a clenched jaw.

“i suggest you get your hands off her before i call the police.” keigo raises his eyebrow, trying his best to keep a calm demeanor. the arm moves out of your way and you move to stand next to keigo. 

“you disgust me. i hope one day you can see how much you fucked up by treating y/n this way. and the fact that a childless student like me can see that this is no way to raise a kid, meanwhile you two think it’s okay, shows how fucked you are in the head.” keigo places his hand on the small of your back and leads you to his car. he opens the door for you and puts your seatbelt on. you sit there still trying to figure out what just happened. he quickly drives away but stops the car again once he’s around the corner. he runs over to your side and opens the door. his hands cupping your face and wiping tears that you didn’t even realized had fallen down your cheeks.

“did they ever hit you?” his eyes, full of panic, roam your body and face. you shake your head and he sighs, pulling you into a tight hug.

“i don’t want you going back there. they don’t deserve to have someone as amazing as you in their presence.” you pull away and look down at your lap.

“kei i don’t really have anywhere else to go.”

“are you kidding? you’ll obviously be staying with me.” he smiles softly but the smiles drops when you shake your head. 

“i don’t want to get in the way..”  you say softly and his expression changes to one of pain. his eyes well up with tears when he remembers his words from the night before.

“i have to wake up so early tomorrow for training..”

“baby i’m so sorry. i’m so so sorry. i didn’t mean it like that you’re never in the way, i promise.” he’s mentally slapping himself because if only he realized what was going on sooner. maybe he could have kept you from getting hurt more. you look at him, able to tell exactly what he was thinking.

“it’s okay kei, you had no way of knowing.” he pulls you into another hug and runs his fingers up and down your back.

“you’re staying with me, okay? we’ll figure out how to get all of your stuff later. no one’s ever going to treat you like that again.” tears start streaming down your cheeks again and you nod. after a few minutes you pull away wiping the tears from his face as he does the same for you.

“can we go get ice cream?” you ask softly.

“yes baby girl,” he chuckles “let’s go get ice cream.”

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.