#i have…. zero control ty & goodbye

[hootsifer]

im still setting it up and she’ll be low activity but *cough* @lilacblight *cough*

[meowzfordayz]

hey hey could i request zenitsu with a g/n shy and insecure reader? hurt/comfort with fluff !! ty

Hii. Ty for your request! 💝 I def leaned more into the comfort/fluff than the hurt, but I'm overall content w/ how I wrote this. 😁

Author’s Note: my DMs are always open to anyone and everyone feeling lowkey/highkey shitty.

shy/insecure

Agatsuma Zenitsu x Reader

Word Count: ~1,200

CW: explicit language, traumatic references

~faqs~

Shy

Zenitsu isn’t really canonically shy

#will you marry me ?? after what, 5 seconds ?? #darling desperate boi lmao

But he’s certainly cowardly (don’t come at me — Ik he’s working on it! 🥺)

So having a shy partner wouldn’t feel entirely foreign to him

(the first time you ever properly smiled at him, he basically evaporated)

*poof* 🤗

You never explicitly tell him, “Oh btw I’m shy.”

It’s just something he naturally adjusts to (similar to how he gradually adjusts somewhat to Inosuke’s lack of shyness 😂)

First and foremost, he always goes out of his way to introduce you as his 🥰partner🥰 to literally everyone

—Stopping by a ramen stall for a quick lunch?

“Hello! My wonderful partner and I would like to order blah blah blah.”

Only slightly embarrassing 🥲

Also encourages you to order for yourself, but happily takes charge if you’re feeling overwhelmed

—Run into someone from either of your pasts?

“Did you know [y/n] and I are partners now? Aren’t I lucky?”

If he wasn’t so 🤩, then you’d smack him endearingly, ofc

He can’t help it !! He’s your hype man !! 24/7 !!

And super proud of himself for getting to be your partner

—Even on missions ffs this man’ll still mention you

If you’re together? “Demon! 😡 Before I decapitate you! Isn’t [y/n] incredible? 😃 *gestures to you* They’re my partner. Aren’t they so cuuute? 😃 If you say they’re cute, then I’ll make this painless maybe. 😃”

If he’s solo? “Can we get this over with? 😒 I miss my partner. 😞” Thunder Breathing, first form…

Second, he’s attentive of your cues (nonverbal and verbal), and is mindful about both letting you take the reins and stepping in

—Hanging out in a group setting?

He’s your, “What was that, [y/n]?” person

Chuckles-at-your-witty-jokes/remarks person

Your, “Ooh tell us more?!” person

Patiently supports you throughout the entirety of group activities/conversations, and gives zero fucks if anyone snickers at his doting behavior

Recognizes when you begin fidgeting, glancing at possible escape routes

And is an expert at polite, “Oops, we’ve gotta go!” goodbyes

Overall, he approaches your shyness intimately and thoughtfully

—Doesn’t want or need, let alone expect, you to change for anybody; but is 1,000% your #1 fan if you decide to change anything for yourself

“Can I order for us next time?” “Absolutely!” and then he’ll listen to you, practice w/ you, hold your hand — whatever nurtures your security

—Checks in w/ you constantly: “How are you feeling?” and “Is this okay?” and “I’m here for you.”

“I’m here for you,” is one of his favorites bc it conveys that you’re in control as well as subtly reminding you that he’s got your back ~just in case

—This is cliche af and kinda related to an aforementioned point, but he just… accepts and loves you as you are

Speaks a plethora of “languages” to reassure you that he’s as enamored w/ your shyness as he is w/ the rest of you

Poking your nervously flushed cheeks

Pecking your forehead when you anxiously lower your chin

Complimenting you when you ramble about your new outfit, “Does it fit alright?” Perfect “How does it look?” Stunning

Content in times of silence, trusting you aren’t necessarily mad or sad — just feeling quieter, and he respects that

He respects you 💗

Insecure

Ooh ooh ooh

What happens when an insecure person falls in love w/ an insecure person?

In the real world, it can backfire horribly 💀

But this is the lovely, idealistic world of #author makes the rules !! 😇

So you and Zenitsu inspire, motivate, and build each other up

Feeling disappointed in yourself?

He catches on immediately: can tell w/ the most fleeting of glances when something’s off

—Sometimes you’re open, self deprecation flowing desperately, despairingly, from your quivering mouth: “I’m so weak, so useless, so hopeless.”

He doesn’t interrupt bc he cherishes your vulnerability (even as it saddens, confuses him)

“How can you be weak when you’re here? Breathing, persisting, hurting? Hurting isn’t weak — it’s living, and living isn’t easy. You’re strong, [y/n].”

“I know it’s hard waking up to the faces you’ve lost, the memories you’ve let down. But [y/n], you’re also waking up to the faces you’ve saved, and I swear, I promise. Your memories are proud of you.”

“I’m sorry you feel hopeless, [y/n]. Is there anything I could do? Anything I could say? I understand if it isn’t enough right now, but I want you to know that you’ve got me. My hope is yours. I am yours.”

—Sometimes you’re closed, the almost indiscernible, involuntary curving of your body into itself the only hint of your distress

He doesn’t press, question, or hover

He simply reaches for your hand, your shoulder, your cheek; gripping, squeezing, caressing softly; murmuring, “Tomorrow will come, and you will be as magnificent as you are today.”

Feeling uncertain about your appearance?

—When you’re explicit about your intrusive thoughts, he counters logically, reasonably, firmly

Never invalidates your feelings; never confirms your intrusions

Doesn’t slather on shallow remarks like, “But you’re so pretty!” or, “Shut up, how could you think that?”, bc he knows your thoughts are far from shallow: they’re genuine, soul deep, with no quick fixes

Doesn’t agree w/ you either tho, bc—not that he would ever communicate it like this, but—you’re just so wrong: your body is his favorite temple, your smile his favorite prayer, the sound of your voice his favorite pastime, how you move, how you glow, how you express and dress yourself

In his opinion, you have a singular appearance — beautiful

—When you’re silent, erratically checking and picking, “Nobody’ll notice.” He does

But he doesn’t pounce, berate, or assume

He’ll try increasing physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation

He’ll go through all five love languages, carefully, slowly, figuring out which one you need most

“Thank you,” you whisper, without elaboration

“I love you,” he whispers, knowing exactly why

Overall, he approaches your insecurities appropriately and consistently

—Doesn’t love bomb (definition from Cosmopolitan: excessive attention, admiration, and affection with the goal to make the recipient feel dependent and obligated to that person) you when you’re down

—Doesn’t ignore you when you’re up

—Makes ample time to just talk: to ask you, “How are you physically?” and, “How are you mentally?” and, “How are you emotionally?”

Perhaps this degree of maturity seems ooc for Zenitsu, but I wholeheartedly believe in his desire to be a loving, reliable partner, and maturity is vital for that

There’s def a time and a place for “childish” play!

Like surprise piggy back rides, racing to the market, and blowing bubbles

Youthfulness is scintillating, enthralling, important

And guess what? 😉

Maturity and youthfulness can coexist ☺️

P.S. Those last two sentences were not intended to be condescending or sarcastic !! 😅 I just wanted to emphasize that Zenitsu can totally still be his whining, sniffling, absolute baby 😌 self and be a healthy, communicative partner

[amwritingmeta]

15x20: New Beginnings

I’d like to speak of the cause and effect of the ending.

I agree that the execution could’ve been skewered just a tiny bit and it would’ve made the overall impression more palatable, but assuming production was at the very least hampered by COVID restrictions, we know that this wasn’t actually Dabb’s final vision. It’s what we’ve got, though, and it still leaves us with a lot of tying up of narrative threads. 

How?

We have a final image of Dean and Sam together and I understand why this is irksome and why it feels regressive. Here’s why I think it actually isn’t:

Dark Side of the Moon tells us that Dean and Sam are most definitely not soulmates meant to share a Heaven. Dean’s memories are focused on Sam while Sam’s memories are completely devoid of Dean. Dean also needs to find Sam (and is helped to do so by Cas). Ie. they brothers are not in a shared Heaven, the way Jimmy and Amelia and Mary and John are highlighted to be.

We also know that Heaven’s system is basically a prison for the mind of the souls of those who have died, right? You get stuck in your best memories. This is simply Heaven’s idea of benevolence, because Heaven, and the angels, have never understood how much choice and free will matter to humanity.

So. No matter how much Dean and Sam succeeded in saving the world throughout our narrative, they were still always headed for forced separation and this prison for their minds and being filed away behind one of those white doors, in essence ceasing to exist, and the point of all their trials and tribulations would have been what? Living a long and happy life, only to die and go to what Dean wouldn’t have chosen for himself with a gun to his head? Eternally brainwashed into thinking he’s content? 

Can you think of anything more horrible to be waiting at the end of their road?

So the point to this ending we got is, to me, gloriously clear and it’s this:

The journeys of these men, throughout this entire narrative, made the new Heaven possible. 

This new Heaven, where there’s freedom of choice and endless possibility for exploration. Where human souls are now granted an afterlife worth actually living, where everyone can reconnect with the people they’ve cared about, the people they’ve loved. 

(Buddhists have six Heavens and believe life exists on multiple planes meaning when you die you simply transcend to the next plane where there’s more living to be done) (Swedish children’s author Astrid Lindgren explored the death of two brothers through sacrifice and illness in her novel The Brothers Lionheart and in the mythology of this book the first Heaven one enters just after death is called Nangijala, and once you die in Nangijala you move onto Nangilima and so on) (etc.) 

What we get in the Supernatural mythos is that there’s no more prison for the mind. No more only soulmates get a shared Heaven: ie. family genuinely doesn’t end in blood.

So look at what this means for the entire structure of our narrative and our character journeys -->

The Road 

If Dean and Sam hadn’t been codependent, they wouldn’t have made those bad choices that brought Cas into the narrative. 

If Cas hadn’t been influenced by Dean to rebel and start making bad choices of his own, he never would’ve made Heaven fall apart by trying to stitch it together and teach angels free will and stepping into a leader role he wasn’t quite ready for, and he wouldn’t have begun on the journey that brought him right to the moment when he expressed his need of bringing back a win for Dean, and for himself.

That win, turns out, was Jack. 

Cas’ faith in Jack, Cas fighting for Jack, Cas feeling responsible and stepping into the Good Father Figure in order to keep his promise to Kelly and protect Jack was what led to Cas making a bad deal with the Empty, but that bad deal also left Cas with the opportunity to save Dean’s life when death was threatening to break down that door and kill them both.

The remarkable truth that’s added to this moment is that Cas’ journey has brought him to a place in his progression where he’s no longer afraid of his feelings, he’s no longer questioning them or thinking they mean a weakness he shouldn’t let define him, because he realises that what he needs isn’t Dean to love him back for that love to be real, to be valuable and valid. His fear of alienating Dean through loving him is the lie. That’s where his happiness stems from, him recognising and finally embracing this truth. 

Because the love he feels isn’t a weakness. It never was: it’s his strength. It’s always guided him, even when he didn’t realise it.

And the strength of it lets him tell Dean exactly how he sees him and that he loves him, and opening up to and being honest with himself is what allows Cas to integrate with his shadow. The Empty takes him, but Cas is at peace, because he no longer fears and avoids his unconscious, he no longer needs to engage in suppression and repression of his emotions, and so his shadow no longer holds any sway over him, which is a fact given to us by how Cas’ ending in this narrative means him being free of the Empty. 

A freedom that never would have been granted, never would have been possible, without his faith in, his fighting for and his protection of Jack.

Cas’ words to Dean makes Dean begin his final steps into integration as well, meaning Cas’ declaration of love directly affects the outcome of the fight against Chuck, because Dean wants Cas back, but it’s not everything he’s focused on, since it shouldn’t be everything he’s focused on. 

It can’t be, since there are bigger fish to fry, and because of Cas’ view of him, Dean is opening up to his true self, to trust, to having faith in himself, which allows for a letting go of the need for control and thinking it’s all on him and everything is his responsibility or everyone dies. 

Thanks to this, we get Dean in teamwork mode with Sam and Jack, the three of them together figuring out how to manipulate Michael into bringing Chuck to them in order for Jack to de-power him. 

Dean’s integration is complete, and given to us through the symbology of his inner child (Jack) sucking the power out of his shadow (Chuck) and is then underlined by the ego (Dean) telling his de-powered shadow that it’s to be forgotten. Dean’s shadow, which has fed on and also fuelled the need in Dean for repression and suppression, no longer holds any sway over him. 

And Dean’s understanding and embracing of his true identity is highlighted by how he refuses to kill Chuck. 

Because that’s not who Dean is: he’s not a killer. He’s internalised Cas’ view of him. Cas’ truth making way for Dean’s own truth to shine a light. 

Dean is done with self-denial. And self-destruction. 

Which is what 15x20 is all about: that lack of self-destruction and the finality of goodbye.

Because Dean being shown to accept the finality of the loss of Cas has such direct bearing on Dean’s ability to accept the finality of saying goodbye to his brother.

The Greatest Love Story Ever Told

All of this, all of it, is because of and thanks to Cas’ LOVE for Dean. 

Thanks to the moment that allowed Cas to express it and to SEE Dean for who he truly is. 

Thanks to the moment of Cas’ integration we get Dean integrating.

And it’s so beautiful that it’s the loss of Cas this time that allows for Dean to do this, because he’s always plummeted into despair without Cas. His progression has slowed to a crawl without Cas in the narrative. His entire sense of self, his entire source of faith in anything, being drained out of him. 

This has been romantic and lovely and fabulous, but it’s also so unhealthy. 

Dean being shown to mourn, to want Cas back, to expect Cas at the end of that phone call, only for him to move away from the need and want to have Cas back, recognising that it’s possible Cas’ return is now an improbability and choosing to look to the future, because now he’s feeling worthy of a future, this is such an important detail for the love story to move from profound bond territory...

(where Cas used the bond forged by Heaven as an excuse for why he kept hanging around Dean) (Dean was his charge, his mission, he was meant to protect him) (a view shattered by Hester in S8) (and properly dismantled by the human!Cas arc) (at least the way I see it because that’s where Cas got that love he feels brought into actual stark relay like oh fuck I’m in love with him)

...to the healthy, selfless, loving side to that bond, which isn’t about self-deception, miscommunication and fear, but about blowing all of that apart, letting feelings flow freely, opening up to the truth of them, the strength of them, and these two men being able to finally free themselves of all those past doubts by embracing their true identities.

I realise there’s frustration that we only got part-textual Destiel. I felt it too. But I never expected canon Destiel. I hoped and wished, but up until Cas’ declaration of love, I questioned whether the studio would be onboard, and it turns out they weren’t okay with making SPN an overtly queer narrative. Was Cas’ declaration of love baiting or BYG? I hope my meta reading in this post will tell you how little I feel it was.

So then. Letting go of the initial shock of it all, I’m leaning on what I did expect: the love story so strongly highlighted in the subtext that we were all left with zero doubt that we’d been seeing it there for a reason.

Subtext is part of the text. For any writer worth their salt, subtext is more important than the surface text. Text without subtext is flat and dull. The text we’ve been dealing with for fifteen years has always had layers upon layers.

These final three episodes, as I’ve already pulled on above, brings it in spades and our subtext tells us plainly:

Dean Winchester is in love with Castiel, just as much as Castiel is in love with him. 

How does it tell us this plainly?

Cas is finally able to integrate because he opens up to the truth he’s carried with him for so long: his love for Dean. Unconditional. He no longer needs Dean to say it back, to validate the emotion, Cas is realising that happiness in the feeling itself, in acknowledging it and allowing it free rein. Cas moves into making peace with himself, for himself.

Now, we know Cas loves Dean because, well, declared, but why is it plain that Dean loves Cas back?

Firstly, because of the episode being entirely structured around people in love losing one half. That’s as much of an in-our-faces use of mirroring as underlining of the subtextual love story that we’ve ever gotten from Berens. 

Even stronger than the mirroring, for me, is the fact that Cas’ love for Dean allows Dean to finally move into integration. 

Cas’ words infuse Dean with a sense of self-worth that immediately paves way for him beginning to have all that faith in himself that Cas has always represented to him. The build from 15x18 through to 15x20 is like a gentle moving away from Cas being the external source of Dean’s faith, to Cas’ love and expressed faith revealing Dean’s internal source of faith in himself.

A source which has been suppressed and repressed out of a whole layer of different fears, which have in turn brought on the belief that a toxic masculinity armour was necessary for survival and that all feelings are weaknesses, but because of Cas’ faith in him, because of Cas’ expressed love, Dean is able to no longer need an external source of faith, because he’s now internalised and embraced the truth of what makes him who he is.

Just like Cas is shown to do, we’re given Dean recognising that the love he feels isn’t a weakness, but a strength, because Cas’ words is about Dean’s capacity for LOVE. It’s this love that takes away Chuck’s ability to tell Dean who he is. 

No one can tell you who you are -- you choose who to be. 

For his entire life, right up until that moment in that room with Cas, facing death (literally) all Dean can see himself as is someone who can do nothing and who knows nothing except how to give into his anger (he’s never been able to control it because he’s never recognised the source of it) and find something to kill.

This view of himself has been constantly whispered to him and reinforced by his unconscious, his Shadow-side, who’s kept Dean thinking that he doesn’t have good things last for him, ever, so he can’t have love in his life or a future to look forward to, because he doesn’t deserve it. A perpetual emotional roundabout where his Shadow-side has stayed in complete control.

One might argue this has always been the source of Dean’s anger: his inability to dare open up to his true identity that has kept the toxic masculinity armour in place, kept the performance up, kept him more often than not lying even to himself of who he is and who he wants to be, because he never felt there was a choice in the matter. 

Truly allowing himself to recognise and feel all that longing for love that’s been like a tight ball in his chest always, meant giving into weakness meant getting Sammy killed or himself or both of them meant failure.

But the only way to beat back and conquer our Shadow-side is by recognising and accepting our flaws and no longer feeling unworthy because of them.

That’s what Cas’ words and his love does for Dean. 

That’s right there in the subtext: Dean, even in the moments before certain death, being unable to open up to the truth of who he is and what really drives him; Dean needing his external source of faith, this man that he’s loved for a long time, to tell him that how he sees himself is wrong, to afford him a different view of himself, to bring the truth to light so that Dean can finally feel worthy it, because Dean couldn’t beat his Shadow back on his own, his dark view of himself was much too ingrained for that.

It had to be Cas. The narrative tells us it always had to be Cas. And so it is Cas who saves Dean from himself. And saves Dean’s life. And saves Dean from having to spend his afterlife in a prison of the mind.

Love wins.

And Cas only ever entered the narrative due to Dean’s need to Protect Sammy at all costs, because that has always been such a huge identity marker for Dean, his entire self-understanding and sense of self tied to whether he can keep his brother alive and out of harms way, which, as he grows up, then translates itself into Dean’s enormous capacity for selflessness and caring about others. 

His core trait was never weapon, it was shield. It was protector. Stemming directly from all that love he carries around and can’t allow himself to feel because it means weakness and that means death and that means he’s failed and is worthless and around it has always gone.

And would always have gone, too. If not for Cas.

Love fucking WINS.

I mean. DAMN! It’s so gorgeous.

(this angle still holds even if Dean in any way was ever meant to actually reciprocate in that scene, because it’s made so clear to us how Cas never expects Dean to say it back) (if Dean is meant to say it back and the love story is meant to be textual that would be mind-blowing head-exploding joyful news) (but it doesn’t change the subtextual move away from unhealthy holding on to healthy letting go) (the textual would only ever strengthen the fact that we have subtextual confirmation) 

But what about...?

Yeah, but what about that ending then? What about the last twenty minutes? What about all the focus on the brothers? 

Was the execution of the finale perfect? No, I wouldn’t say it was, but I could see, when I watched the finale again on the 21st, that there was efforts made to make something good enough. Something geared toward tying our narrative up as best as possible with the means presented to Dabb. 

I understand why people feel stuff is missing.

Because stuff is missing. Dabb told us they had to change the ending, that they were supposed to have a whole lot of people back to populate Dean’s Heaven. Found family galore. Misha said the same thing. They couldn’t (I’m not going to speculate on why, it’s just clear that they couldn’t) and so the ending had to be modified. To me that’s fairly plain in how it’s structured.

Did they have to focus so hard on the brothers?

Well... given the restrictions, I think this was the only way to end this narrative, because the story has always been centred on these two brothers and the bad choices and sacrifices they’ve made, and the blood, sweat and tears they’ve shed in order to remain together.

Their absolute inability to let the other go actually kick-started their onscreen journey.

Because this is a story about dependency, and letting go of that dependency to make way for a healthy, equal coexisting; which is what, to me, that final shot is all about.

Should Cas and Jack have been there? Sure! There will always be stuff missing from the final two eps that I’ll wonder about. Like, if Cas was never meant to be in the story (as per Misha he was but let’s say for argument’s sake) then why didn’t Dean just ask, very calmly, in 15x19 of Jack our New God: “What about Cas?” and then Jack our New God could’ve answered gently, but plainly: “He’s at peace.” Simple. Why didn’t we get an establishing of Eileen as Sam���s wife? And it would’ve helped so much to have Charlie and Stevie reestablished in the visual narrative as alive, however plain it is to me that Jack will have brought them back with everyone else who were away-ed by Chuck.

Sure, there could’ve been more.

But what I love about that final shot of the brothers is this canonical fact:

It would not have been possible without Cas. 

Cas learning and growing and integrating to the point that he knows exactly how to fix the home he’s broken more than once, and how to bring free will, at long last, to Heaven, to the benefit of humanity.

And Dean’s little sideways smile (his “I want this smile”) when Cas is mentioned, when he realises that Heaven is different thanks to Cas, well, isn’t that just the darnedest thing? 

*forever headcanon that Dean was expecting to see Cas again somewhere somehow he just didn’t know when and now... here Cas is* 

When Cas went, it took a little time to adjust, but Dean let go of Cas and didn’t make a deal and didn’t go crazy or self-destructive, there was no nosediving into depression, because Cas’ words made those types of coping mechanisms no longer necessary. 

Dean drinks and indulges at the start of 15x19 because he’s still processing, but by 15x20 Cas’ words have been fully internalised, Dean has integrated, and he’s looking to the future. Set on living, because otherwise he’d render Cas’ sacrifice meaningless.

Dean’s death has zero blaze and glory to it. He didn’t expect this day to be the day. But it is. And he accepts it. And because he does, because he’s open and honest with his brother, because he tells Sam all the words he needs Sam to carry with him, gives Sam all the faith in himself that Cas left Dean with, he’s brought to a Heaven that has been readied for him by the love of his life. 

Cas is right there. And he’s been waiting. And he’s used his time well, because Heaven is now the afterlife that Dean deserves. The ultimate salvation. Love and happiness and companionship and LOVE LOVE LOVE. Forever.

If that isn’t the biggest reward for the both of them after everything they’ve been through, I don’t even know what is!

Sam arriving is a given, but I have to say I genuinely do not see Sam as living his life in pain and grief. He’s happy. He loves his kid. He’s a good father. Just like Dean was, and Bobby, and Cas. All the Good Father figures threaded through 15x20. And this narrative has been about these two brothers. It ending on them together, at peace, feels fitting. 

Yeah, but shouldn’t Dean have gotten to live his life?

Sure, this is my interpretation 100%, but Dean’s death feels softly ironic and fitting because it is unexpected. 

I can’t hit on this enough: there’s no blaze and glory.

Dean was ready to make the most of life, but through accepting death and accepting separation from Sam, Dean is brought into the same moment Cas was brought into, a moment of recognising what’s important, where Dean opens up fully to vulnerability and hands over his trust and faith in that Sam will be fine without him, which pushes Sam into the same integration that Cas’ words afforded Dean. Voicing trust and faith will do that for a person.

And Sam’s arc was always dependent, narratively, on the progression of Dean’s arc, so it makes a lot of narrative sense that this needed to happen for Sam to get pushed out of the nest and forced into having proper faith in himself. Because there’s no other choice. 

He’s left doing what he has to and it results in a balance between that family life he’s always wanted (foreshadowed in 15x01) and staying aware of and raising his son to be aware of the reality of their world, given to us via the tattoo on Dean Jr.’s wrist. (oofta I wish he’d had a different name but since everything had to be done in the visual narrative it’s the easiest way to connect us with Dean still being present in Sam’s life so I get it)

There’s also that romantic in me that feels as though Dean is greatly rewarded for all his suffering and struggles, for all those years of living his life in fear and feeling as though he doesn’t matter by not only bringing him into a Heaven he made possible, but by reuniting him with the love of his life and this time they’re equally immortal, equally made of light, equally eternal, equally integrated and balanced and ready to accept all that love and happiness.

That just makes me fucking happy. For them both.

Bring on the New Beginnings

The fact that the narrative has opened itself up to being interpreted as somehow glorifying death or saying that happiness can only be found in death is distressing, but I hope that the threads I’ve pulled on here gives enough of a basis for me to say how I truly feel like this is simplifying why the choice was made for Dean to die.

It’s not about happiness only being found in death. 

It’s not about devaluing living your life, it’s about the idea, the soft hope, even the narrative promise that death, for our characters, not for humanity as a whole, but for these specific men, who have always avoided it and made bad deals and feared separation and been brought into a crisis of identity (Dean because he doesn’t know who he is without Protect Sammy as purpose and Sam because he genuinely and continuously seem convinced that he can’t hunt without Dean to lead the way) whenever death has touched them have now reached a point where the separation is an accepted part of life.

And this acceptance is rewarded: because the separation isn’t forever.

Death is not the end. It makes way for new beginnings. For all three of TFW. Actually all four, because of course Jack is included in this endgame.

There’s a transformation that takes place, thanks to them integrating. They get to transcend what’s come before and move onto the next plane of existence together. 

Together.

TFW 3.0!

Death on this show has always been about a moment of rebirth, of entering a different leg of their journeys.  

I don’t find it out of place at all that the ultimate moment of death for our characters mean just that. 

Not an ending, but a new beginning.

In conclusion

Could there have been more? As said, yes. Absolutely yes. But I doubt Dabb isn’t aware of that. I don’t think this is the ending he originally intended. It might have been a brothers focused ending, because I think Dean was always meant to die and go to Heaven, but Dean’s Heaven was meant to be a celebration of found family. 

The subtext of this narrative is what I’ve been reading and what I’ve been hooked on for four years, and what I’ll continue to be hooked on for the rest of my life, I’m fairly sure. I wish it could be celebrated, the way it always has been, the way we’ve always known to look deeper.

I hoped Supernatural would turn out to be a vehicle for overt representation. I always hoped that, and believe that was what the writers wanted. The fact that we didn’t get overt bisexual Dean and Destiel as unquestionable canon was distressing to me too and I’ll always think of this ending as a missed opportunity and I wish the CW would learn and fucking do better already. 

I understand the frustration, I understand the anger, I just wish we could all look at the richness of this ending and everything it says about the narrative, about our subtext, about our love story, about our character journeys, and lean into the treasury of it.

And omfg we got Cas as canonically queer. 

We got a main character on our show that is overt representation, on a journey towards a moment where he gets to express love and hope and clarity and this in turn moving through and enabling the integration of Dean and ultimately of Sam as well.

Truth begetting truth. Happiness begetting happiness. And love saving the day.

So, my friends, I will say this: saying that all the writing is bad, or claiming that there’s no depth, nothing to pull on, that it all just plain sucked, that doesn’t quite cut it. These three final episodes, just as any episode ever of this goddamn show, contain all of those layers and layers, especially when looked at together and certainly when taken into the context of the show as a whole.

And yes, you are, of course, more than welcome to your own interpretation! 

To finish I’ll quote Bruce Almighty: 

Lovelovelovelovelovelovelove!! 

[jeranasblog]

1000 Dollar

Rating: E

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/ Steve Rogers

Summary: Camboy Steve does a huge mistake and meets with one of his viewers, Bucky, who isn't only the most handsome man Steve had ever seen, but also the most dangerous person in New York. If Steve could only resist his charm.

Check tags on Ao3 (Camboy/ Mob boss AU)

Read on Ao3

1000 Dollar? Steve choked when he saw the amount of money ‘CallMeDaddy’ had donated a few seconds ago. It must have looked bizarre. He had just deepthroated his favorite dildo, four inches long with a slight curve to the right, without even coughing once and the only evidence of his hard work had been a tear that ran down his chin. But a simple donation was enough for him to lose it and he choked on air. Amazing.

 “I think you made a mistake, Daddy.” Steve was a good boy, he would send the money back if the man had accidentally added a zero too much, but the amused comment of ‘CallMeDaddy’ freaked him out even more. 

 Don’t worry your pretty little head, Sugar. Just ride your black toy and I’ll give you another thousand.

And Steve, the selfless boy that he was, obeyed immediately and moaned when he felt the tip of the black toy breaching his rim. The chat was going crazy. Messages were flying in, a few obscene, a few lovely, and Steve smiled while he let out the loudest moan of the day so far. It might have even been his donator’s username, but the pleasure of being stretched open clouded his mind. 

 Steve felt wanted. He loved the attention of others, loved their filthy comments and encouraging messages, but what he loved even more was the money. There was no shame in being a camboy, especially because his job paid extraordinary well, and Steve enjoyed every second of it. It was people like ‘CallMeDaddy’ that made his job even more fun.

 Exactly as promised, the man sent him more money, and Steve’s eyes rolled back when he heard the incoming donation sound. The thought of being wanted made his body burn and he whimpered when the next thrust hit his sweet spot full force. He definitely had to thank the man properly. 

 Although Steve would love to go on, he pulled out the dildo reluctantly and turned around until he was kneeling in front of the camera, his knees spread. It was too early to come just yet, so he forced his body to calm down and focused on his chat again. 

 So beautiful, Sugar. Such a greedy little boy. Feel free to moan Bucky when you come.

 Bucky, huh. There was something about ‘CallMeDaddy’ that drew Steve in. It might have been the money, but there was more, a certain self-confident attitude that made his legs shake and his hole twitch. In his imagination, the man was huge, broad shoulders and a confident smirk, everything Steve was crazy for. 

 When Steve closed his eyes he could almost imagine Bucky was the only one in the chat, watching him intrigued while Steve squirmed on the bed. Suddenly, he wanted the man so badly that he sobbed about the feeling of being empty and fumbled blindly for the toy to press it back in. Don’t get him wrong, Steve was a needy bottom, but today he craved it even more, crying out Bucky’s name when the plastic tip grazed his sweet spot. 

 Usually, Steve followed the chat closely, trying to focus on the suggestions of his viewers during getting off. He moaned their names, shifted his body when they asked for it, and gave them the best view possible. Today, however, Steve saw nothing but Daddy’s comments standing out of the blur of his chat and he lost his control how he usually only lost it outside of his streams. 

 I’ve never seen you so wrecked before, Sugar. Am I doing this to you? Is my money making your pretty little cock leak and your hungry hole throb? Spread your legs for me, Sugar. Show me how beautiful you look when you come. 

 To Steve’s own embarrassment, this was it. He came screaming, crying out Bucky’s name mixed with praises of how good his Daddy felt inside of him. His body was twitching for minutes and he was close to passing out. Steve was used to coming back to himself quickly after an orgasm, so he could say goodbye to his viewers and shut down the stream, but today he had to force himself to get up already. 

 His outro was shaky, he stared at the camera with a blissed-out expression and a dopey smile while he thanked all of them for their time and money. When the cam was finally turned off, Steve fell back on the mattress, not even caring that he laid in his own spunk. There was something about ‘CallMeDaddy’ that could get pretty dangerous. 

 ~*~

 Steve lasted twelve hours before he sent Bucky the first private message. It would have been even less, but after the mind-blowing orgasm, he had slept eight hours straight, and now he was exceptionally rested. He wasn’t really sure if Bucky would reply, but it was worth a shot.

 SweetBoy: Hey, Bucky. I just wanna say ty for the money again :)

 Immediately after he had pressed send, Steve got nervous. What if Bucky didn’t want to message him? What if he only wanted to watch him during his streams? But his worries were unnecessary because the reply came not even ten minutes later.

 CallMeDaddy: Hey, Sugar. You’re welcome. Your performance was extraordinary yesterday. Tell me, did you think about Daddy when you came on your cute little toy?

 Even though Steve was used to filthy comments, he still blushed. There was just something about Bucky that made him feel like a bashful virgin and he could feel his cock twitch when he thought about the other man. Deciding Bucky had earned a treat, Steve opened his camera and took a picture of himself, pouting and blushing in lingerie. He pressed send before he could change his mind. 

 CallMeDaddy: Oh, Sugar. Is this just for me? Am I the only one seeing this picture?

 SweetBoy: Only you, Daddy <3

 CallMeDaddy: God, you drive me crazy, Steve. I want to meet you and fuck you in my bed until you’re screaming on my cock. Imagine what it would feel like, squirming on a real cock instead of your plastic ones.

 Oh, god. Steve could feel his erection growing at rapid speed and he whimpered at the thought of being alone in his apartment, empty and yearning for a man he didn’t know. His behavior was reckless, he shouldn’t even talk to his viewers in private, but his sanity was washed away by the need to be claimed. Still, there was nothing that could justify his next action.

 SweetSugar: Do you live close to New York, Bucky? Do you want to meet me someday?

 As soon as he read the message again, Steve paled. He hadn’t only asked a stranger to meet him, he had also told him the city he lived in. His hands started to sweat and he tried to delete the message before Bucky would see it, but no such luck. The man was faster. 

 CallMeDaddy: I feel honored that you offer to meet me, Sugar, but you should be more careful on the internet. Not everyone respects your wishes and limits. Still, I can’t say no to the offer. I’m dreaming about meeting you for weeks, Stevie. What do you think about meeting me at the Italian restaurant on the corner of 5th and 57th? 

 He could still back out. He could just apologize, thank Bucky for his money and tell him his behavior had been reckless, but Steve had always been too naive. Blended by arousal, attraction and the simple need to be wanted, he signed his potential downfall.

 SweetSugar: Can I meet you there tomorrow 7pm?

 CallMeDaddy: I would be honored, Sugar. I’ll wear a red tie. 

 What had he done?

 ~*~

 The restaurant Bucky had suggested wasn’t hard to find. From the outside, it looked pretty normal, maybe a little fancier than Steve was used to. He looked down, insecure about his chosen clothes. Sure, the blue pants hugged his ass deliciously and the white shirt showed off his lean body, but he didn’t wear a tie or a suit jacket. Before he could second guess his clothes, or even second guess the whole meeting, Steve opened the door. 

 As soon as he opened the door, Steve’s nervousness came back full force. He had expected a busy restaurant on a Friday evening, but there was only a single table in the middle of the room. Two men with heavy guns stood on the corner of the room while a third man sat on one of the two chairs next to the table. He smiled gently at Steve. 

 Steve had never seen a man more beautiful in his entire life. He had a handsome face, a strong jawline, and eyes so piercingly blue that Steve’s legs started to tremble. His body was packed with tons of tons of solid muscles, straining the black suit that he wore. Everything of the man screamed dominance and Steve had to fight the urge to fall to his knees. His gaze wandered lower, over the blood-red tie down to the thick thighs and the bulge in the middle of his pants. Was the man hard? 

 Steve shook his head to get his sanity back, but every time his gaze fell onto the man’s lap, Steve saw himself bouncing on it. Wasn’t he concerned about anything a few seconds before?

 “Before you panic, Sugar, let me explain.” Definitely Bucky. “Do you know my complete name?” Steve shook his head, still distracted from the view in front of him. “My name is James Buchanan Barnes, but my friends call me Bucky.”

James Buchanan Barnes. There was something familiar about it and Steve needed a second before his eyes widened in shock. Oh god, he was alone in a room with the head of New York’s mafia. The panic from before couldn’t be compared with the fear he felt now. He should have known that meeting with a stranger who watched his stream and donated tons of money wasn’t a good idea, but there was nothing he could do now besides run. He took a step back, slowly, hoping Bucky wouldn’t notice, but of course, the Mob boss did.

 “Steve, please don’t run. I won’t hurt you. Just take a seat.”

 Whatever his mother had taught Steve, self-preservation wasn’t it. He was drawn in by the man’s command, his head nodding automatically while his legs brought him closer to the dangerous man. He took a seat, wide-eyed and scared, but nevertheless, he didn’t run. 

 “I don’t hurt anyone who doesn’t hurt my family first,” Bucky told him with a smile and even though Steve had nothing but his word, he visibly relaxed.  “I’ve watched your stream for months, Sugar. Seeing such a beautiful and delicate thing made me want more, Steve. I could have taken you months ago, but I didn’t want to validate your trust.”

 Steve swallowed and nodded slowly. That made sense, but he still wasn’t sure if being in the same room with New York’s mob boss was a good idea. Still, there was something about Bucky that pulled him in and he couldn’t run. On the contrary, he had to force himself not to climb in Bucky’s lap. 

 “What do you wanna eat, Sugar?” Bucky asked and pushed the menu closer to him. Steve picked it up reluctantly and opened the first page, only to realize that the words blurred in front of his eyes. He couldn’t concentrate on food right now.

 “Can you order?” Steve’s voice was still shaking a little, but it was stronger than he had dreaded. 

 A pleased smile spread on Bucky’s face and Steve could see a hungry spark in the man’s eyes. Fuck, he hadn’t thought about the submissive aspect of the question and now he got paid back with an aroused Mob boss and his own twitching cock in his tight pants. Steve blushed. 

 “Oh, Sugar,” Bucky purred while he licked his lips. “Don’t do this to me. I want to get to know you, want to take your fear away and not fuck you in the middle of a restaurant.” Steve blushed even more. “Lovely.”

 You know what? Screw it. Steve decided just in this moment, that would make the best out of the situation. Bucky didn’t make any attempts to kill him and even if he’d change his mind, Steve couldn’t stop him anyway. The mobster was friendly, attentive, and head-spinning hot and it would be a shame if Steve would pass the opportunity to get a good fuck. Regardless of whose cock he was riding in the end. 

 So Steve played nice, trying to forget that the man in front of him was the most dangerous person in New York. He enjoyed the meal, enjoyed the conversation, and to his own horror, Steve realized that spending time with the Mob boss was quite fun. Steve talked about his friend and his mother, his college classes and his job. Bucky, on the other hand, talked about his childhood and everything he wanted to do to Steve in bed. They didn’t mention Bucky’s job once and after some time had passed, Steve saw him as nothing but a beautiful man. His cock was almost constantly throbbing in his pants. 

 ~*~

 When the dessert came, Steve was already pleasantly full, but he couldn’t resist the homemade vanilla ice cream Bucky had ordered for him. It was delicious, melting on his tongue and Steve couldn’t stop the small moan that escaped him. He looked up, spoon still in his mouth, hoping that Bucky hadn't noticed but the burning gaze was proof enough. 

 “Do you do this on purpose, Sugar?” Bucky growled, his hands clenched to fists. “If you wanna get fucked, tell Daddy and stop sucking on your spoon like a little whore.”

 God. How did Bucky know humiliation got him going? The little moan turned into a choked sob and suddenly, Steve was squirming on his chair. He hadn’t wanted to rile the man up with his little stunt, but now that he saw the raw hunger in Bucky’s eyes, he didn’t want to hold back either. Just like during his streams, Steve lost his insecurities and only his neediness stayed behind.

 “Daddy, I feel so empty without something in my hole. Can you please help me? I need it.”

 Bucky growled ferally. He pushed back his chair, stood up, and longed over the table, lifting Steve into his arms. Steve squealed in surprise and wrapped his arms around Bucky’s broad shoulders, his legs crossing behind the muscular back. Fuck, there was a huge bulge pressing against his ass. Steve whimpered when he realized Bucky hadn’t even been hard when Steve had ogled his pants earlier. It was way bigger. Whatever he had expected, the reality was a pleasant surprise. 

 Steve moaned and wiggled on Bucky’s arms, his body rubbing against the other man’s cock. It felt so good, and Steve couldn’t think about anything else than the thick cock, splitting him open. Maybe he would be allowed to ride him? Or maybe Bucky would put him on all fours, fuck him like the eager little whore Steve was.

 “Sugar, stop moving,” Bucky’s voice was deep but firm, leaving Steve no other option than to obey. “I’m so close to taking you on the table. Let me get you out of here.”

 Knowing that Bucky was losing it because of him made Steve preen in happiness. Some grinding, a few heated gazes and New York’s most dangerous man could only think about burying himself inside of Steve. The feeling was heady and Steve forced his body to stay still. He wanted to show Bucky he was worth it, wanted to show him that he could be a good buy, even though his hole was crying for his Daddy.

 “Daddy.” 

 Steve couldn’t stop the word from coming out and he hid his face against Bucky’s shoulder afterward. This couldn’t be true, he couldn’t be that easy, even though Bucky was his walking fantasy. Every rational thought, every ounce of self-preservation, and every little doubt was washed away, replaced by an urgent need that made him go with Bucky voluntarily. 

 He didn’t protest when Bucky carried him to a fancy car, black with bulletproof glass; he didn’t protest when a driver took them to an unfamiliar location. Fuck, Steve didn’t even try to argue when Bucky pulled him out of the car in front of the biggest mansion Steve had ever seen. Instead, he clung to Bucky’s chest, whimpering while Bucky walked upstairs, opening the door to an extravagant bedroom. 

 When Bucky let him down in the middle of a huge four-poster bed, Steve’s head finally started to clear a little and his doubts came back full force. What was he doing here? Bucky was a criminal and he had rubbed himself all over the man like a needy little whore. Looks aren't everything and even though it was easy to talk to Bucky, they hadn’t even talked about his job yet. What was such a rich man even wanting from Steve?

 Bucky seemed to sense his distress. “Hey, Steve.” Although he was still hard as a rock in his pants, the urgency disappeared and he pulled the distressed blonde on his lap. “Have you changed your mind? That’s fine. Nothing has to happen today.”

 There was no guarantee that Bucky spoke the truth, so Steve watched him disbelieving, trying not to show how much the innocent touch soothed him. Sitting on Bucky’s lap felt amazing, protective and anchoring, but it made him forget that the man was the real threat here.

 “What do you wanna do to me?”

 Bucky chuckled slightly and pressed an innocent kiss on Steve’s hair. “Everything you allow me, Sugar. I can force you on your knees, eat your tight little hole until you’re screaming. I can fuck you open slowly, show you something bigger than the toys you’re experimenting with. But I can also cuddle you in my lap and watch TV. It’s up to you, Sugar.”

 Steve hesitated. The truth is, he wanted to be fucked. Slowly, he started to believe that Buck wouldn't kill him. Whatever the man did during work, he wouldn’t kill innocent little twinks, but Steve felt bad about wanting it so much. He had always been a needy person, there was a reason he had started streaming a few years back, but the desire had never been so overwhelming as it was with Bucky. What if he would lose himself in it?

 “Let’s make a deal, Sugar. You can always back out, all right? Just say ‘red’ and I’ll stop everything we’re doing. What do you think?”

 Steve nodded slowly. Yes, that would work. Bucky had already shown that he would stop, even when his own pleasure was neglected, and Steve trusted himself enough to safeword if Bucky went too far. The smile he got in return for his trust was beautiful and finally, Steve’s doubts shut down for the evening. He could ponder about his decision again tomorrow.

 Bucky pulled him closer so their chests touched. His hand wandered over Steve’s body, caressing his arms, his back, his shoulders until it was finally tangled in the blonde’s hair. Steve moaned when a firm grip forced his head to fall back, and he moaned again when wet lips touched his for the first time. 

 In movies, first kisses were romantic, chaste and sweet, a symbol of how much two people cared for each other, but Steve’s reality was the complete opposite. Bucky’s lips were rough, sucking on Steve’s and he felt a nibble of teeth on his lower lip, coaxing him to open his mouth. As soon as Steve gave him permission to come in, Bucky took over.

 He plundered every inch of Steve’s mouth, biting, sucking, and bruising his lips until they were swollen, glistening with their shared spit. It was no nice kiss, it was punishing and dominant, a sign of Bucky’s control over him and Steve loved nothing more than giving in, letting the man take over.

 His cock was twitching in his tight pants every time Bucky bit on his lips and he moaned from the obscene noises that they made. Bucky was still gripping his hair, was still forcing Steve to take him and when a hand on his jaw forced Steve to stay still, the first pathetic whine left his lips. 

 The sound was fueling Bucky’s arousal even more and Steve could feel him twitch against his ass. “God, Sugar, you’re so needy,” Bucky said after he’d pulled back reluctantly, leaving Steve’s lips glistening and his eyes rolling back in a fucked out expression. “Such a cock hungry little whore. Come on, baby. Take off your clothes. Show Daddy what he’s working with.” 

 Steve whimpered when he climbed off of Bucky’s lap, his pants already halfway undone. He couldn’t wait to be close to the man again, eager for anything Bucky would give him, but when he had taken his pants and shirt off, Bucky stopped him from stripping completely. 

 “Do you want to kill me?” Bucky’s gaze was fixed on the pastel blue panties that barely covered Steve’s crotch and he opened his own zipper, pulling out the huge erection Steve had only felt before. “Look at me, look at what you’re responsible for.”

 Bucky didn't even need to ask him because Steve was staring at his cock anyway. It was a vision, so much bigger than Steve’s, with an angry red tip that screamed for someone to lick on it. Steve didn’t even hear anymore that he was moaning, he didn’t even notice that he started to drool, eager to get a share of this beautiful cock, wherever Bucky would let him. 

 “Please, Daddy. Please, make me take it. Stretch me, Daddy. I need you in my hole.” 

 A chuckle echoed through the room and Steve could see Bucky smirk. “Sugar, don’t you think it’s too big for you? Taking it completely at your first try?”

 Steve couldn’t do anything but stare at Bucky wide-eyed. The man’s doubts hurt and he felt himself tearing up. Did his Daddy think he couldn’t take it? Steve could, he was the best boy, a perfect boy and he could damn well take his Daddy when he wanted to. He felt ridiculous when a tear ran down his chin, but he couldn’t stop feeling rejected. 

 “Daddy?” His voice wavered and finally, Bucky seemed to notice that something was wrong.

 “Oh, Sugar, what happened?” He pulled Steve onto his lap until the blonde was sobbing against his shoulder. “Tell Daddy what made you upset.”

 Steve lowered his gaze, ashamed of his needy behavior. Here he was, sitting in Bucky’s lap and crying because the man thought he couldn’t take his cock. It was pathetic, but the hurt felt so real that Steve couldn’t stop the tears.

 “I can t-take you, I promise.” His voice was high-pitched and thin. “I p-promise, Daddy. I’ve taken so many toys. I swear it will fit.”

 Realization flickered in Bucky’s eyes and a dark expression took over his face. Steve had never seen such hunger before, but instead of running, he surrendered himself to it. 

 “I’m sorry I’ve hurt your feelings, Sugar.” Bucky didn’t sound apologetic but turned on. “You’re a good boy, I haven’t thought. Just do Daddy a favor and turn onto your stomach. Show Daddy that you’re right.”

 Steve preened with Bucky’s words and he scrambled to obey, hurrying to roll on his stomach. His face was pressed into the mattress while he raised his ass into the air, presenting his most vulnerable part for his Daddy’s gaze. Determination to show his Daddy how strong he could be, how good, filled him and he let his hands wander behind his back, pulling his panties to one side and revealing his tight hole that was gagging for Bucky’s touch. 

 If there had been any self-control left, Bucky lost it at least by now. Seeing the tight pucker of his beautiful boy the first time without a screen between them, made him go feral and before he could even process what he was doing, Bucky had already fetched the lube he stored in his night drawer and slicked up his finger. Steve was begging beautifully for it, squirming although he hadn’t even been touched yet. 

 The first finger that nudged against his tight little rim made Steve cry in satisfaction. He shuddered and squirmed, forcing himself not to push back on the finger. His Daddy hadn’t allowed him to move yet, and he would hold back as long as he could. His obedience got rewarded with the first finger that breached him open. 

 It went smoothly. Steve was used to relaxing his hole and he concentrated on the sensation of being filled. He was wordlessly begging for more, clenching around the slick finger and encouraging Bucky to give him more, to give him everything. Thankfully, Bucky gave him too immediately, stretching him and preparing him for his Daddy’s cock. 

 Steve whimpered and moaned, sobbed around his Daddy’s digits, and pleaded with him to go deeper. The arousal in his body was fueled by Bucky’s encouraging noises and gentle praise. You look so good, Sugar. You open up so easily. Look how well you take it, Steve. 

 His panties were probably ruined by now, dripping with the slick Bucky spread between his legs, but Steve couldn’t care less. He whined like a whore, begging for one more finger, for one more inch. 

 When Bucky was four fingers in, Steve’s pink little rim stretched obscenely around the intruders, Steve was close to losing it. He couldn’t stand it anymore. Bucky moved inside of him, grazing his sweet spot once in a while, but it wasn’t enough; it wasn’t his cock. 

 “Please, Daddy. It hurts. I need your cock. ‘s not enough. Gimme your cock, I can take it.”

 Bucky roared and before Steve couldn’t even bat an eye, he was turned around, his Daddy onto him. He could hear when the fabric of his panties tore and a second later he felt something big nudging against his rim. Finally. He sobbed with the thought of being fucked soon and he quickly pulled his legs against his chest. 

 “Open up for me, Sugar,” Bucky growled while he pressed the tip of his thick cock against Steve’s hole. “I know you can take it. Let me in. Let Daddy claim you properly.”

 Just a little more pressure, a little bit more lube, and when Bucky tried to enter him the next time, his tip plopped in. Steve went limp. He had been needy the whole afternoon, empty, hurting and gagging for it and he can’t even remember how often he had cried for Bucky’s cock today. But the minute he finally got what he craved, Steve was floating. 

 Everything was numb, everything but the thick cock thank sunk into him, opening him up inch by inch. Steve had never been so full before, and even though it burned, even though his abused hole throbbed in pain, Steve had never been so happy before. Here, split open on his Daddy’s cock, was nothing but pleasure. 

 “Look at you, baby,” Bucky cooed while Steve struggled to take in the words. “Such an eager little slut, begging and screaming for me, but once you’re stuffed, you go all sweet on me. You’re a cockstupid little thing, Stevie.”

 Yes. Steve nodded, the pleasure too overwhelming to form words. He basked in the feeling of being stuffed full, happy to die like this. Bucky was moving over him, his cock thrusting in and out of Steve’s abused rim and Steve never wanted it to stop. This was what he had always craved when he rode his toys alone in the bedroom, watched by countless strangers. Someone else to take over his pleasure.

 Steve knew both of them wouldn’t last long, Bucky’s cock was already twitching inside of him and the knowledge that such a powerful man was gone for him, made his walls clench even tighter around the thick cock. When Bucky hit his sweet spot multiple times in a row, Steve heard a distant scream, only to realize it had been himself. Tears were running down his face and he could do nothing but hold on while Bucky claimed his body. 

 The orgasm came slowly, without a hand on his leaking cock. It was the most intense orgasm Steve had ever had and his vision blurred when the wave hit him full force. It was too much, too much pleasure, too much stretch, too much Bucky, but at the same time, it was just right. His muscles clenched around the thick cock, begging for something to fill him up. 

 He had earned this, he had earned Bucky stuffing him full and when the first splash of the man’s seed painted his insides, Steve grinned dopily. He was a good boy, he had made his Daddy come. 

 “You’re perfect, Stevie. I couldn’t have imagined it. First boy to take me at the first try.” The words made Steve preen. “Your little hole is sore, baby.”

 Steve only grunted. He didn’t care about it, didn’t care that his Daddy had fucked him sore. On the contrary, he loved the reminder of Bucky’s lust. 

 Bucky turned him until he laid on his stomach, spreading his cheeks to get a good look at his abused hole. He trailed a finger over the edge, pressing slightly until his come was running down Steve’s thighs. The vision made him groan. 

 “Oh, Sugar. I don’t think I can stay away for long. It looks so pretty, all red and swollen.”

 The thought should have made Steve run, but Bucky’s endless hunger was soothing something inside of him. Steve was wanted, and if Bucky wanted to fuck him again, he could certainly take it. There were no doubts, all of them fucked out by the most handsome man Steve had ever seen. 

 He could only hope that he wouldn’t regret it the next day.

[jj-lynn21]

A Hemlock Grove Halloween Ch. 4: The Party

 ch 1:  It happened again , Ch. 2 Bromance , Ch. 3: The power within

@loomiz @dragsraksllib @super-pink-a-palouza @skarsgard-lover @skarsgardsslut​ @eliza123sworld​ @goblincxnt​ @taintedglass​ @grandpa-sweaters​​​ @waywardtigersandwich​ @lanaelectraheart2019  

Warnings:  smut, angst, fear, religious taboos,

“You look so hot in that costume.” Roman ran his hands down herr backside. “Are you sure you are up to this party?”

“Since guests have started filling are home, we should probably go through with it.” His princess in a vulgar tight pregnant nun costume laughed.

“I mean it, Princess.” Roman licked his lips as he ogled her sexiness. “If you need to rest tonight that is perfectly fine.”

She glided her hand down his body. “Father, may I confess to you I maybe sinning tonight?” Her hand stopped to cover the bulge in his pants. “And you know my favorite sin is lust.” 

He took a deep heavy breath and let it out with a groan. “I get it. You’re fine. “You’re horny. Confess all your sins my child. Break for me.”  

She pushed him against the bedroom wall. Roman quickly undid his belt and pants. They dropped to the floor with his boxers. He stepped out of them as he turned her to face the wall. He kissed her shoulder. Bit at her hear lobe.

“You bring out such carnal desires in me, Princess.”

“I know.” She smirked.

As they fuck upstairs guests were mingling barely able to hear each other let alone the couple upstairs as the Smashing Pumpkins blared Zero. Food and drinks were being passed out by the extra staff Roman hired. Everyone was wondering when their host and hostess would make their entrance. An hour later Roman and his girl appeared at the top of the stairs. All attention turned to them even the band stopped playing.  

“Good evening guests.” Roman nodded as he descended the stairs with his girl. “Music, party, have some fun.”  

The band starts playing Ava Adore. An older gentleman dressed as a Pimp taps Roman on the shoulder. Roman looks him up and down then huffs. He walks away from the man to dance with Princess.

“It is starting.” Roman glared around the room as he swayed with his girl. “The vulture all wants a piece of me.”

“Isn’t that part of what these parties are for, Roman?” She reminded him softly. “At least this year it is a little more fun.”

“You’re right.”  

Roman kissed her as Corgan sang:

It's you that I adore You'll always be my whore You'll be a mother to my child And a child to my heart We must never be apart We must never be apart

Letha arrived with Peter dressed as a hideous monster. She held him on a leash attached to a collar around his neck. They looked around and took purple cocktails that were being passed out.  

When Roman saw them his eyes bugged out. He rustled over to them. “You got to be fucking kidding me?”

“Evening, Roman.” Letha smiled showing jacked fake teeth. “Nice Halloween party.

“What the fuck is these S & M shit with my cousin, Peter?”  

“Don’t look at me.” He looked to Letha. “It was her idea. She did the make-up and everything. A little outrageous isn’t it?”

Princess rubs Roman’s back. “I think you two have the best costume so far. Is it like a Beauty and the Beast theme?”

“I’m the Queen of Hell and he is my demon lover.” Letha giggled.

“Yeah, I am her willing slave demon lover.” Peter grinned proudly.  

Princess laughed. Roman just shook his head in disgust. Cher walked in with her family from the campfire. They glanced around the room. Everyone stared at them. Mostly because they looked like they could be a medieval gang of vampires with their pale skin wearing dress cloths of that time period.  

“That is more of an outfit than any other woman here.” The man dressed as a criminal’s eyes linger on her chest. “But it makes your tits stand at attention.  Do you want...”

She grabbed his throat. “Where is Roman Godfrey.”

He let out a gurgling choke as he pointed to Roman still talking to Peter and Letha.  She tossed him to the side like a rag doll. Then started walking towards her intended subject.

The guy on the floor murmured hoarsely, “Fucking hot whore.”

A guy dressed as a condemn scurries to Roman’s side putting his hand on Roman’s should. “What do you think of my costume.”

Roman glares at him. “Get off me Dick.  Your costume is to on the nose. It fucking sucks. You’re a fuck cock named Richard dress as a rubber. No fucking imagination. Your fired.”

The guy bursted into tears and left the party.

“Now why did you have to do that to him, Roman.” His girl shook her head.

“He was a complete waste of company money.” Roman smirked. “He was getting fired before he showed up in that costume.”

Cher grabbed Roman’s shoulder spinning him to look at her. “Did you kill Ty.”

“Of course.” Roman smirked. “I told you that was the plan if he went close to my Princess. He attacked her in a store. He is dead.”

“Are you sure?” She darted her eyes around the room like she was watching her back.  

“Yeah, decapitation and burning.” Roman green eyes tried to meet hers.

“And throwing this party is how you take care of Greg too?” She reminded Roman of Ty’s accomplice.  

“Shiiiit!” Roman and Peter said in unison.  

Letha and Princess looked at them. Cher and her group kept looking around the room.  

“You had to have an invite on your phone to get in here tonight.” Roman assured them all. “I only emailed those that work here. Which included you as of last night. There is no way he is getting in here.”

Cher sneered. “Dumbass, he can easily manipulate anyone or just kill someone from your precious White Tower and use their phone to get in tonight.”

Peter slapped the back of Roman’s head. “Why didn’t you realize that?”

“You were there when they told us about both guys.” Roman slapped him back. “Why didn’t you remember this was not over.”

“Both of you stop.” Princess stood between them. “Let’s just keep our eyes peeled for this other guy. The more people here the more protected I will be. I will just stick close to Roman even if I have to go upstairs to pee which I do right now. Really bad.”

“I gotcha, Princess.” He took her hand to head upstairs. “Everyone else keep your eye out for Greg.”

“Who the Hell is Greg.” Letha asked when Roman and Princess had walked away.  

Princess tore up the stair as her bladder seemed about to bust. Roman kept right up going right in with her and locking the door. When she sat it felt like Niagara Fall as she went. Roman stood against the sink with his arms crossed.

“I don’t think you should talk to anyone you don’t know downstairs.” Roman thought out loud. “Even if the person says they are Dave from accounting, but you can’t see their face.”

“Why the fuck would I talk to Dave.” She rolled her eyes. “I know he is great at balancing the books, but he is the most boring human being I have ever met.”

“I agree.” Roman chuckled. “I was just using the name as an example.”

The couples and Cher with her group were on the look out all night. Roman still made some business deals with his girl right by his side. They had the band choose the best costume. They Chose Letha and Peter. There were some grumbled that of course his cousin and best friend won. But those complaints were out of Roman’s ear shot so the people thought.  

Roman did not really give a damn what people thought. They would try to kiss his ass anyway. The guests bid their farewells right as the clock struck midnight. There seemed to be no sign of Greg. Roman thanked The Smashing Pumpkins for playing. He even gave Corgan a bonus before he left.  

“I guess we will take off too.” Peter stood by the door as Letha tugged at the chain. “Unless you want us sticking around?”  

“I for one am glad nothing to crazy happened at your party, Roman.” Letha tugged at her man again. She knew deep down he was loving every moment of being her captive. “You two stay safe.”

Roman watched his friend maybe feeling a little jealous of Letha having that much control over him. “Cher, and her brood are going to patrol all night outside. I will keep us safe in here.”  

The friends all hug saying their final goodbyes. Then Roman and Princess headed upstairs while the help clean up the party quickly. Roman stripped to get in a hot shower while his girl peed before she took her clothes off to join him.

“Maybe he went home to Vegas when Ty was killed.” She suggested as she leaned her head back for Roman to wash her hair.  

Roman’s fingers massaged the shampoo through her hair. “Maybe.” He gentle rinsed it using the handheld shower head. Then he put conditioner in and combed it out. “Do you still have a dagger in your nightstand?”

“Of course.” She felt relaxed and safe with him even in such a vulnerable position.  

“You should put it under your Pillow.” Roman rinsed the cream rinse. He put scented bodywash on a pink puff and began to wash her down.

“Alright.” She mused. “Are you going to put the axe under the bed?”

“Yeah.” Roman said as he rinsed her off. Then he started washing his hair. “Are you warm enough? I don’t really want you to go to our bedroom without me.”

“I’m fine right here with you.” She smiled at him. “Do you want me to wash your back?”

“Sure.” He handed her the yellow puff with his scented wash on it.  

She took a deep sniff of the scent that belong to her man before washing his back. It was musky with a hint of vanilla.  

He snuggled his girl in a giant fluffy towel before wrapping a towel around his waist. “My family cozy enough?” He cooed.

“Yes, Daddy we are warm, safe and cozy.” She giggled.

“Has our little rascal been active tonight?” He gets her nightie slipping it over her head.

“This bundle was quiet, which only means they will probably be up doing a conga dance through the night.” She patted her stomach with a smile as she sat on the bed.

Roman knelt to place a kiss on her tummy. “Okay, little one, Let Mommy get some sleep tonight” A tiny foot appeared as if in protest. Then the other tiny appendage kicked.  

“I think someone is protesting you.” She laughed.  

Roman shook his head standing up. “I am going to get the Axe. You relax.”

“Hell no.” She squealed. “There is no way I am letting you go downstairs alone. You get the axe, and I will check to make sure the door is locked.”

Roman put up his hand in defeat. “All right, we both go.”

They crept downstairs. The place looked neat and tidy. There was only the glow of a  night light illuminating the scene. She quickly checked the door. It was locked. Roman was only a foot away or less getting the Axe from the locked cabinet.  

Someone stepped out of the shadows. Princess gasped rush as much as she could to Roman’s side. The baby was kicking like crazy as she fretted. Roman held the axe up in one hand. His other protectively blocking his girl.  

The shadow stepped into the light. She looked at them. They look at her.

“I’m sorry if I frightened you both.” Their live-in housekeeper walked across the room to the kitchen.

They took a breath. But they laughed as they went up to bed.  

“I guess we are both a bit jumpy.”  

“Yeah.” Princess lowered herself to the bed to try to find a comfortable spot.

Roman laid down putting the axe under the edge of the bed so he could reach it quickly just in case. He swung his arm around her hip. His hand rested on her belly. Her hand over his.  Baby Godfrey settled enough for Princess to doze off to sleep. For a few hours at least.  

Hours later the baby woke her with what felt like a punch to a kidney and a kick to the ribs. “Ugh, Roman.” She took the hand on her side and brought it closer for comfort.”

“Be right there.” Roman yelled from the bathroom.

She shrieked grabbing the dagger. Her attacker had a dagger of his own. As he attempted to slit her open wide, she plunged the dagger in his eye. He rolled off the bed screaming. She sat on the side of the bed as the killer was shocked she was able to fight back. Roman rushed in hearing the commotion.  

The man raised his dagger again trying to stand, blood gushing from his eye. Princess grabbed the axe from under the bed and decapitated the would-be killer. She dropped the weapon breathing heavily.

“Was that Greg?” She looked at Roman who ran to her side.

“Yes, that was him.”  Roman held her. “I guess it’s true. Don’t fuck with a mommy protecting her baby.”

[fics-in-a-bottlepost]

The wishing well

Just a quite stort fic (<1000 words) for inbetween because I was bored for some time yesterday and this came out.

Enjolras becomes a wittness of someone stealing money from a fountain.

have fun?

The sun had just started to go down when Enjolras had left his flat to go for a walk, enjoying the warm, late summer breeze. He wanders mindlessly for quite some time and the street lanterns have long ago turned on when he passes a fountain.

The place is almost empty, except for a young man in a dark hoodie, his face and hair hidden.

A man that is currently reaching into the water and pulling shiny, round things out once in a while, looking through them and then throwing them into a pouch before starting over.

„Dude, are you stealing money from a wish fountain?“ Enjolras blurts out before he can control himself.

The young man’s eyes are wide as he stares at Enjolras for a moment before he slips into the shadows of a nearby alley.

 Enjolras sprints after him but the man is gone before he reaches the next corner.

  It’s a week later and Enjolras has almost forgotten about the thief as he passes some shops on his way home from a friend’s house, tying his shoulder long haid back into a bun.

 „You! You’re the guy!“ someone suddenly points at him and then moves towards him. The person is quite small, has red hair, is barefoot and wearing a pink t-shirt and bloomers with flowers in all colors on it.

 „I’m who?“ Enjolras asks politely and slowly lowers his arms.

 „My friend has been looking for you,“ the person opposite him babbles.

 Enjolras raises an eyebrow. „How do you know he means me?“

 The man… or woman, Enjolras isn’t quite sure, pulls a crumpled paper from the pocket of their flowered bloomers and unfolds it, showing Enjolras a copy of a pretty realistic sketch of himself

 „The fuck?“ Enjolras blurts out.

 „Please come with me, he’s been going on everyone’s nerves for days“

 For some reason, Enjolras agrees and suddenly finds himself walking with a companion through some alleys.

 „I’m Jehan by the way.“ Jehan says.

 Enjolras almost feels bad to say out loud: „Sorry if I ask but… are you a man or a woman?“

 „It’s good that you ask instead of assuming. I’m neither. My pronouns are they/them, „ Jehan smiles and strolls alongside the blond.

 „I’m Enjolras…He/Him. Nice to meet you Jehan, „ Enjolras says and they do their best to shake hands while walking.

  „Taire! Found your man“ Jehan calls out once they leave the alley and head for a building.

 ‚Taire‘, who is sitting on the stone stairs in front of some art museum playing guitar, looks up. He is dressed in a green hoodie with tight, black jeans and he grins before he moves towards them, the guitar now hanging upside down on his back.

 He gestures wildly and Jehan signs back while Enjolras just stares.

 „He’s mostly mute“ Jehan mumbles before getting crushed in a hug by his friend. Then, the smallest introduces them: „Enjolras, Grantaire, Grantaire, Enjolras.“

 R and Enj shake hands before Jehan says his goodbye. „I’ve promised Bahorel, Joly and Feuilly to make some bread with them,“ they says, pats Enjolras shoulder and hugs R before running off.

  „Why were you looking for me when I was a witness of your theft?“ Enjolras asks and crosses his arms, raising an eyebrow in addition.

 Grantaire just smiles and nodds, then shows him to follow along. Enjolras does, even though he’s not sure if he shouldn’t run for his life instead.

 When they reach the Charles-de-Gaulle square, they are swarmed with tourists within a minute and Enjolras, who’s starting to panic because of the mass of people, looses Grantaire for a moment before someone grabs his hand and pulls him out of the crowd, sitting him down some feet away. R is kneeling in front of Enjolras and signing, mouthing „I’m so sorry“ over and over again.

 „It’s okay“ Enjolras nodds after a while. „Where are we going?“

 Grantaire looks around and then points at an alley nearby before making a sign for „well“

 „To the wish fountain?“ Enjolras guesses after a while.

 Grantaire nodds and holds out a hand. Enjolras stares at it for a while, then takes it and let’s the brunette lead him around the crowd and then through the alley.

 The sun has gone down now and fireworks explode in the sky coming from the Arc de Triomphe de l’Étoile, celebrating ist 300 hundred somewhat anniversary.

 Grantaire sets his guitar down, leaning it against the wall of the fountain and then removes a leather pouch from his waist. Opening it and holding it out to Enjolras, showing a bunch of coins. Then he shows five and zero with the other hand before grabbing a hand of money and dropping it into the water, repeating that motion until the pouch is empty.

 No, almost empty. He hands Enjolras a coin and takes the other, smiling at the blond. They stand next to each other and throw the coins over their shoulder.

 Then, they sit down on the wall and Grantaire grabs his guitar, pulling a few strings mindlessly. Enjolras watches him and waits until Grantaire catches his look. The brunett is asking without words but Enjolras can see it in his eyes. „What did you wish for?“ they say.

 „I wish the pretty boy would speak to me.“ Enjolras smiles as the first raindrops fall on his head and arms. Grantaire stares at him for a while and so they just look at each other while the rain starts to increase, slowly creating puddles in potholes.

 „I wish the Angel would let me take him out of the rain and to a coffeeshop right now.“

Grantaires voice is hoarse and quite deep and Enjolras smiles and nodds, letting Grantaire grab his hand and leading him away.

[blurry-fics]

Milkshakes: Part Three

Pairing: high school!Tyler Joseph x Reader

Warnings: Angst, family drama and arguments

Word Count: 2613

Request: Heyy could you maybe write part 3 of Milkshakes on the Tyler imagines one? That would be so cool :)

Author’s Note: As the title says, this is the third part of the milkshakes series! I recommend you read part one and part two first, but keep in mind I wrote them awhile ago so they’re formatted a little differently than the stuff I write now. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one! :) (picture credit)

“The guests are going to be here in ten minutes! Are you going to be ready?” your mom called from outside the door.

“Hold on,” you groaned in the direction of your phone. “Yeah, I’ll be ready!”

“You’re wearing something nice, right?”

You rolled your eyes, “Yes, Mom.”

“Perfect. Thank you, sweetheart.”

You waited until you heard her footsteps in the hall downstairs before saying anything.

“Sorry about that.”

“No worries. Who’s coming over?” Tyler’s voice crackled as it came through your phone’s speakers. Ever since you had gotten your phone back a few days ago, you had been calling him every chance you got. You liked listening to his voice.

“She didn’t tell me, but I’m guessing it’s my aunt and uncle and their kids. They’re over here all the time.”

“Does that mean the plan is off?”

While stuck at home without your phone, you had spent a lot of time debating if you wanted to tell your mom about your new relationship with Tyler. It hadn’t been easy to come to a decision, but you ultimately decided you wanted to tell her sooner rather than later. You already knew that you wouldn’t let anything come between the two of you, so you might as well get it out in the open before you slipped up or told her out of anger. That would also mean you could tell Tyler’s family, who you knew would support the two of you no matter what. Maybe Kelly and Chris could even change your mom’s opinion about Tyler.

“No, they shouldn’t be over here too long. What if you come over at five? My family should be gone by then and if all goes well, you can stay for dinner.”

“Ok, I think I can make that work.”

“You sound nervous,” you said as you fixed a couple loose strands of hair.

“Listen, Y/N, it’s not really a secret that your mom doesn’t like me and I don’t want to be the reason you get in trouble again.”

“It’s going to be ok, Ty. I’m making the decision to do this and I’ll face whatever consequence she gives me. I would never blame you for whatever she does.”

“I trust you.”

The doorbell rang and Percy immediately ran up to your bedroom door, barking up a storm. You quickly walked over and scooped him up, scratching at his ears to get him to calm down again. Your heart sunk when you realized you would have to say goodbye to Tyler and go down to see the guests.

“They’re early,” you sighed, turning the phone off speaker and bringing it to your ear. “I need to go.”

“That’s alright. I’ll see you at five.”

“Ok. You can text me when you’re getting close, but I probably won’t be able to answer. You know how my mom is with phones.”

“Yes, I’m quite familiar,” Tyler laughed.

“Ok, see you later.”

“Good luck.”

You said one final goodbye before hanging up and slipping your phone into the pocket of your jeans. Percy was wriggling ferociously in your arms, eager to get downstairs and sniff the guests. After taking a few seconds to do a last minute check of your appearance, you set him down and opened your bedroom door. He took off down the stairs before you even had a chance to shut the door again.

“There she is!” your mom said as you started to walk down the stairs. “I was wondering when you were going to join us.”

You looked up with a smile, expecting to see your family members sitting with your parents in the sitting room. Your smile immediately faded away when you saw who it actually was. Sitting on the couch was Dave and his son, Matthew, the boy your mom had tried to set you up with at the charity dinner. They smiled at you as you walked into the sitting room.

“Sorry, had to finish up a phone call,” you said as you took a seat on the couch next to your dad, which was also conveniently close to Matthew. Your mom shot you a look for the phone call comment, but you only smiled.

“Y/N, I’m sure you remember my coworker Dave and his son, Matthew.”

“Of course I do. It’s nice to see you again,” you said. Your mom seemed pleased.

“It’s nice to see you too,” Dave smiled.

“You look nice,” Matthew added.

“Thank you.”

“We thought it would be nice for you and Matthew to have a chance to get to know one another better,” your mom chimed in. “It seemed like you two got along well at the charity dinner.”

He wasn’t the only one you had been getting along well with.

“Why don’t you tell them about yourself, Y/N?” you dad said, giving you a little nudge with his elbow. Your stomach flipped; he was usually on your side in these situations.

“Oh, um, well, I don’t really know what there is to say,” you laughed nervously.

“Of course you do,” your mom smiled.

“I mean, I’m a high school student, obviously. I like space a lot, you know, like stargazing and stuff? Also music. I have a lot of friends who are in the school band and one of my close friends actually writes music sometimes.” You could feel your mom’s eyes burning into the side of your head. “I don’t play anything myself, but I just enjoy the process and listening, obviously.”

“What do you listen to?” Matthew asked. He had mentioned playing piano, like Tyler.

“All sorts of stuff. It’s kind of hard to define,” you laughed.

“Yeah, I get that. I’m the same way,” he smiled. Maybe he wouldn’t be so bad… as a friend.

“Maybe you could play some music for Y/N sometime,” Dave said.

“That would be nice,” you said, putting on a polite smile. You would rather do anything else..

“What about your writing, Y/N?” your dad added.

“Oh, yeah, I do a lot of writing.”

“Original?” Matthew asked.

“Um, yeah. Mostly just short stories though, I haven’t worked up the courage to write a novel or anything.”

“Maybe I could read it sometime,” he said. You barely held back a laugh, not even Tyler was allowed to read most of the stuff you wrote and he was your best friend… boyfriend.

But nobody knew that yet.

“Maybe,” you smiled.

You were relieved when your dad started a conversation with Dave about something other than you and Matthew. Now that the attention was off you for a little while, you called Percy over and invited him into your lap. It was taking a lot of self control to not just reach into your pocket and grab your phone to text Tyler, but sending him a couple of texts wasn’t worth an hour long lecture from your mom.

Instead, you would count down the minutes until they finally left.

This was not going to end well.

It was nearly five and you were still sitting in the living room with Dave and Matthew with absolutely zero indication that they would be leaving anytime soon. Your dad and Dave had been going on about cars for at least twenty minutes now, and your mom had already invited the two of them to stay for dinner. They had accepted, of course.

Your feet were tapping against the carpet at lightning speeds, only releasing a fraction of the tension that you were feeling. There had been numerous times where you had tried to excuse yourself for a second so that you could text Tyler to call the whole plan off, but each time your mom had some counter for why you needed to stay exactly where you were. You hadn’t gotten off the couch for almost two hours now.

“Is there something outside?” your mom asked, drawing your attention away from the window.

“Just looking,” you said, forcing a smile. Tyler would be showing up any minute, and you still had no idea what you were going to do when he got here.

“So, Matthew, what do you plan to do after high school?” your mom asked.

Matthew started to talk about his plans to be an engineer, but your attention was quickly pulled away by the sound of Tyler’s truck pulling up against the curb. Your body immediately tensed as you listened for the sound of his car door.

“What about you, Y/N?” Dave asked.

“What?”

“What do you plan to do after high school?”

“Oh, well, I-”

Ding dong.

“Who is that?” your mom said, looking towards the door.

“I’ll get it,” you said, quickly setting Percy to the side and standing up.

“No, no, I’ll get it,” your dad said, putting a hand on your arm.

“It’s fine, Dad. I can-”

“Y/N.”

“Ok,” you sighed, sitting back down on the couch. Percy was happy to curl up on your legs again.

You held your breath as you waited for your dad to open the door. It was better him than your mom, but you were sure that he would still be less than pleased with Tyler crashing your little get together.

“Tyler!” he said, sending a chill down your spine. “I wasn’t expecting you. Why don’t you come in?”

Your mom shot you a look that conveyed every single emotion she was feeling. You turned away from her, feeling your face getting hot under her gaze.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize I was interrupting something.”

Tyler walked into the entryway, carrying a bouquet of flowers in his hand. He looked to you with wide eyes, silently asking you what was going on. You opened your mouth, but quickly closed it again.

“No worries! What brings you over here?” your dad asked, resting a hand on his back.

“I invited him,” you said, stepping in so that Tyler didn’t have to scramble for an answer. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize our guests were staying for dinner.”

“And the flowers?” your mom asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Just a gift,” Tyler nodded.

“Well, it seems like we should be going,” Dave said, standing up. “It seems we’ve overstayed our welcome and we don’t want to interrupt… whatever is happening here.”

Your parents immediately started to try and mend the situation, but you slid past Matthew and grabbed Tyler’s hand, bringing him upstairs and away from everyone. There was some apologizing of your own that you needed to do.

“What was that all about?” Tyler asked once you were in the safety of your room. He gently set the flowers down on your dresser. “I thought you said they would be gone!”

“I thought they would,” you answered, pacing the length of your room. “I’m so sorry, Tyler. I wanted to warn you not to come, but my mom wouldn’t let me leave the room and then my dad insisted on answering the door. I never would have intentionally put you in a situation like that.”

Tyler was quiet for a moment, running his hands through his hair. “It’s ok. I’m just… embarrassed.”

“I’m really sorry.”

Tyler held his arms out and you wasted no time in embracing him. It felt nice to be close to him, especially when it meant that he wasn’t upset with you. You gave him a gentle kiss, just as an added apology.

“Are we still going to go through with the plan?”

“I have no idea.”

Downstairs, you heard the front door close. Not even a few seconds later, a pair of footsteps came stomping up the stairs and stopped right in front of your room. You quickly stepped away from Tyler and silently waved at him to get him to move away from you, just in time for your mom to swing the door open.

“Tyler, do you mind giving us a moment?” your mom smiled. You were sure you could see tiny little flames in her pupils.

“Yeah, I’ll be downstairs.”

Tyler carefully stepped past your mom and out into the hall. You listened for his footsteps to make it down the stairs, but your mom closed your bedroom door before he even made it to the landing. She had never looked so angry before.

“What was that all about?” she asked, nearly yelling but not loud enough for anyone else to hear.

“What was what about?”

“Tyler! What on earth is he doing here?”

“I invited him over here to hang out.”

“When you knew we had guests over?”

“I had no idea they were going to stay that long!” you said, throwing a hand into the air. “And besides, what good was going to come out of it anyway?”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, your father and I are trying to set you up with Matthew!”

“And who says I want to be with Matthew?”

“It doesn’t matter what you want!”

“See? This is exactly my problem!” you said, putting your fingers at your temples. “You’re so wrapped up in what you want for me that you don’t even see how unhappy you’re making me!”

“I’m your mother and I know what’s best!”

“No you don’t! Otherwise you would have seen a long time ago that Tyler is what’s best for me!”

Your mom looked taken aback by your statement. It took you a moment to realize what you had said. Just as you had feared, you had revealed your relationship in a moment of anger.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that Tyler and I are together, whether you like it or not.”

Your mom pressed her lips together until they turned white. You stood frozen in place, waiting for her to say something. Anything.

“Well?” you asked.

“Well what?” she snapped.

“Do you have anything to say?”

“No.”

“Alright.”

You brushed past her and walked downstairs. Tyler was sitting on the couch in the sitting room, your dad nowhere to be seen. He could be informed about your relationship later, as long as your mom didn’t get to him first. Right now, you needed to step away from the situation.

“Do you want to take Percy on a walk with me?” you asked.

“Is everything ok?”

“No.”

“Ok.”

Tyler stood up and got Percy on his leash while you laced up your shoes. By the time you left the house, your mom still hadn’t come downstairs.

“I told her,” you said, taking hold of Tyler’s hand. He squeezed it gently. “I didn’t mean to, but she was making me so angry that it just kind of slipped out.”

“You told her about us?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry… again. I know we were going to do it together.”

“It’s ok. If it needed to be said, then it needed to be said.”

Percy stopped and started to sniff around at some flowers. You took the advantage of not walking to step closer to Tyler and lean on his shoulder.

“I guess.”

“Did she say anything?”

“No, I think she was just trying to process what I had told her. I’m sure we’ll have some long winded discussion about it tonight once she’s sorted through all her feelings.”

“Hey, at least the hard part is over now.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” you said as Percy started to walk again. “And at the end of the day, you’re still my boyfriend.”

“That’s the important part, right?”

“Exactly.”

You turned and gave Tyler a kiss, already feeling better about the entire situation with his reassurance. Although you would still be stuck with your mom for another few years, if all went to plan then you would be with Tyler for a lifetime, and that was what really mattered.

[tsuki-chibi]

Fictober Day 3: Now? Now you listen to me?

“What do you think?” Marinette asked, holding the two fabrics up for inspection. She was genuinely torn. Her money was only going to stretch so far, but she was in love with both and having a hell of a time deciding.

“Umm... they’re both nice?” Adrien said uncertainly, seemingly startled at being asked.

Marinette frowned at him. “Come on. I want your honest opinion.” She knee Adrien didn’t like design, but he was perfectly capable of helping her decide.

“Well...” Adrien looked at the two fabrics thoughtfully. “I guess... I think I like this color better. It would bring out your eyes.” He touched the pale blue fabric.

“O-oh? You think?” Marinette said, flushing slightly.

“The pink is nice too,” Adrien added quickly.

“No, you’re right. I’ll go with the blue,” Marinette said, turning to put the pink one down. She couldn’t help giving it a wistful pat goodbye. Maybe, if she was lucky, it would still be here when she got her allowance next week.

She smiled at Adrien and walked up front to pay. Along with the blue fabric, she’d also selected some new buttons, two different colored threads, and green fabric paint. The cost wasn’t too bad, though her wallet was significantly lighter when she emerged outside.

Adrien wasn’t there. Marinette looked around in confusion - she could’ve sworn he’d come out here to wait for her - only to see him coming out of the shop a minute later. He was carrying a bag. Her eyes zeroed in on it, and the glint of pink material inside, instantly.

“What is that?” she said, putting her hands on her hips.

He pasted on an innocent look. “What’s what?” he asked, handing her the bag.

“Adrien! You didn’t have to buy this for me,” Marinette said. Sure enough, it was the pink fabric she’d been coveting - and tucked underneath was a sheath of both the green fabric she’d looked at earlier and some white lace she had been eyeing.

“But you liked all of it, and you’re going to make something amazing. Why shouldn’t you have it?” Adrien asked reasonably, looking at her with such earnestness that the lecture on Marinette’s tongue died a quick death.

“Thank you,” she said instead. “But I’m going to pay for our food.”

“Okay,” Adrien agreed with an easy smile, falling into step beside her.

He was too generous. Not just with his money, but with everything. It worried Marinette in ways she couldn’t put words to. Adrien had such a kind heart, and it would be too easy for someone to break it even if they didn’t mean to.

She sighed and smiled back. “So where should we go to eat?”

Adrien shrugged. “I was hoping you’d have a recommendation. I don’t get the chance to eat out a lot.”

“Let’s just walk and see what we find,” Marinette suggested. “I like window shopping. Sometimes you can find the best things... like that.”

She pointed to a store window. Adrien followed her gaze and saw that she was pointing to a bookbag. The words ‘Now? Now you listen to me?’ were stenciled across the front of it. Other merchandise in the window had similar wording and designs, but the bookbag made Marinette laugh.

“I have a friend who that would be perfect for,” she said fondly.

“Why? He doesn’t listen to you?” Adrien asked, looking at her curiously.

“Oh, he listens... but sometimes not until he absolutely has to,” Marinette said, smiling to herself as she remembered their last akuma attack. Chat had gotten them both dunked in the Seine. Sometimes his bad luck was a lot to handle, but she would never give him up.

“I can appreciate that. Sometimes some people just think they know it all,” Adrien said.

Marinette was a little offended until she saw the glint in his eyes and realized he was teasing her. The realization simultaenously flustered and warmed her. She really liked the idea that Adrien trusted her enough to tease.

“Maybe those people really do know it all and other people just aren’t smart enough to realize that,” Marinette said, sticking her nose in the air.

Adrien laughed. “Yeah, I’m paws-itively sure that’s the answer.”

She gave him a sly look and a smirk. “I’m just that claw-ver.”

“You like puns?” Adrien exclaimed, looking like Christmas had come early. His green eyes lit up with excitement and Marinette giggled.

“Yeah, sometimes,” she said. In the middle of an akuma battle? Not so much. When she was in a good mood? Well... “My dad loves puns too. I kind of grew up hearing them.”

“My dad hates puns,” Adrien told her as they kept walking. “Like, considers them the lowest form of humor. He gets mad when I let one slip.”

“That’s very un-fur-tunate,” Marinette said. The more she heard about Gabriel Agreste, the further he slid from the pedestal in her mind. He just seemed like such a stern, unforgiving, cold man. How could someone like that have a son as wonderful as Adrien?

“Right?!” Adrien said. “Puns are purr-ty great if you ask me. People always have a reaction to them, whether it’s laughing or groaning. I love that.”

“Well, Alya hates puns too. So I’d be careful how much you pun around her,” Marinette said. “I’m not sure about Nino.”

“He’s gotten used to them,” Adrien said with a mischievous grin.

“Poor Nino,” Marinette said.

Adrien shrugged. “If I have to put up with all the details about his and Alya’s dates, he has to suffer my sense of humor.”

“Ugh, I feel you. Too much detail!” Marinette said, making an X with her arms. “If I have to listen to Alya talk about what a great cat-ch Nino is again, I’m gonna fur-get myself and litter-ally go hiss-terical.”

She was proud of herself for cramming four puns into one sentence until she caught sight of Adrien’s face. His expression was damn near worshipful, and Marinette found herself blushing again.

Honestly, Chat was a bad influence. He was the reason she had so many cat puns running through her brain. When you heard them enough, you couldn’t help but start to remember them. At this rate, she was actually going to have to thank that silly cat.

“You’re incredible,” Adrien said, softly but seriously, and Marinette’s blush deepened.

“Food!” she blurted out.

“What?”

“Food. At the café. There?” She pointed over his shoulder and Adrien turned to look. Marinette took the ten seconds during which he was distracted to try and wrestle herself back under some degree of control.

“Oh! Yeah, it looks good. You wanna try there?” he asked, looking back at her.

Marinette nodded. “Yeah, let’s,” she said, face still warm. Maybe a cold drink would help to cool her off.

[easilydistractedbyfanfic]

Facing Your Demons - Season 6 Character Speculation: Raven

I know - we’re about to go into ep 10 of S6, and including that one, there’s only 4 more to go. But this season has been honestly crap for character speculation, IMHO, because so much is happening that seems like it’s for plot purposes rather than actual character motivation. I could go on about that but in this post, I’m trying to do something else. FYI - this post contains spoilers for all of Season 6 so far. 

In mid-May, I did a character spec for Murphy, found here. It hasn’t come 100% true but it’s not been completely false either. But I never could write one for Raven because her storyline has just been... a mess, frankly. A bleepin’ mess. But that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped thinking about it at any time. 

With regard to Facing Your Demons, Raven has been dealing with this theme since 6x01. Her fast involvement with Shaw is part of it, and I wrote about that here and here. She comments in one of the first scenes about how Monty and Harper “left us” - Raven has always felt left behind by the ones she loves. It’s a fear of hers, it’s absolutely a demon. I think she feels at this point that it’s a punishment towards her specifically, and part of what makes her think she can’t be happy/doesn’t deserve happiness. Her mother basically abandoned her, Finn chose someone else over Raven and then abandoned her in death, Sinclair left her, Wick went up in smoke, Clarke said she would choose Raven first but then doesn’t (resulting in feelings of abandonment), Abby abandons her by choosing the drugs instead, Shaw abandons her by dying, so do Monty & Harper, and even to an extent Spacekru abandons her when they go to the ground in S5 without Raven even though this is what Raven intends. (Ah, but Murphy doesn’t abandon her and in fact is one of the only people to ever tell her “I’ve got this” rather than “you’ve got this”, which is what everyone tells Raven because they rely on her so much... but that’s another meta). 

So abandonment is a really big deal to Raven, it’s why she’s lashing out so much this season. But I feel like we finally saw a turning point when Raven chose to prevent Abby from taking the Zero-G spacewalk in 6x08. She’s still angry with Abby (understandably IMHO), but she’s not going to let Abby die even though she doesn’t agree with what Abby is doing. This is Raven both taking back control AND facing a demon - she literally says so “I couldn’t save my mother but I can save you.” Doesn’t get much clearer than that! Raven is actively healing a part of her past trauma (from her mother) by action she’s taking now (saving Abby).  

Also, Raven makes a clear stand this season when she says she wouldn’t murder anyone to bring back someone she loves. This is maybe not that important to anyone else because it’s just a moral judgment that Raven is making, but to RAVEN this is an important decision because she’s acknowledging in her own mind that despite her losses, no matter how big they felt to HER, there are some lines she won’t cross. This is another aspect of taking back control, Raven is CHOOSING who she wants to be. 

To me, Raven has been existing in the pain side of the “I don’t choose pain, I choose life” situation she had to make in S4. Maybe this was not consciously on her part, but she’s been wallowing in the ramifications of S5 to at least 6x08, IMHO. But she’s coming back around to herself via the examples I’ve already given, AND when she made the choice to let Abby go to Kane to say goodbye, even though this was against Kane’s wishes, angered Indra AND it’s not like Raven is thrilled with Abby right now and was just being nice. This actually super fits in with Face Your Demons, because tying in to that is how Raven didn’t get to say goodbye to Finn. She’s giving Abby the thing she herself needed, again actively healing a part of her past trauma by action she’s taking now. 

So what could come next? Well if I had my way, Raven would continue facing her demons which would allow for healing from past events and give her back some agency and also reassurance that she is not just loved but worthy of being happy. This is t100 though so you all know I don’t have much faith in THAT! But... what if... all props to @jarleene for bringing up this possibility during a chat, because the more I think about it, the more I wish we could see it. We know Murphy is going to be tied to a pole in the very near future, his life probably threatened. Who does that remind you of? Oh, was Finn tied to a pole? And Raven could do nothing to save him, had to watch him be killed in front of her? What if Raven could heal some of that past trauma by being able to save Murphy? Shipping aside, Spacekru is family - Finn was family to Raven, Murphy is family too. If she can save Murphy, she heals part of her own past trauma. AND he can heal part of his own too because no one came to rescue him from the Grounders, no one came to rescue him when he was hung. Murphy is not used to being rescued/feeling worthy of that type of sacrifice. But if someone in his family rescues him from the Primes, this goes a long way towards making him feel worthy and also forgiven, which is something he needs. 

It’s probably too neat, tidy and logical for t100 though, so maybe I ought not get my hopes up! Anyway, I have a lot of thoughts about how most of the characters are stepping into someone else’s shoes from S1. I keep meaning to put that into a meta, but a small example is how I think Raven is mirroring Murphy’s anger and lashing out in S1, and how Murphy is mirroring Bellamy’s S1 arc of being out for himself/his own goals and kind of chaotic. 

Of course, I could be grasping at straws and what’s really going on is poor characterization due to plot and new writers who don’t “know” these characters over 5 seasons or who care more about sci-fi than whether the characters would actually act in this way.... Regardless, sticking with FACE YOUR DEMONS, we are actually seeing some of that onscreen and I hope that for my two faves, it might result in something good for a change. 

Yeah, I’m not holding my breath! LOL!

[girls-love-girls1200]

36. Rosé x Reader •Winning•

Fingers numb from the harsh January cold, you attempted to tie your bright yellow shoelaces, huffing as your extremities didn’t seem to be cooperating in the sub zero temperature.

A delicate chuckle from above distracted you from the impossible task, you smiled at your teammate, a red beanie on her head, the varsity jacket zipped up to her chin, cheeks bright red.

“Are you making fun of me Rosé?”

Her smile spread even wider after hearing your voice, she kneeled in front of you, chocolate eyes leveling with your own.

“Not at all Speedy, in fact I was actually planning on helping you.”

Her gloved hands patted your shaky ones out of the way before tying your laces in a swift motion, your heart thumping hard at the small distance between your faces.

“Y/SN should I get you a godamn babysitter while we’re at it?”

Coach’s incredibly loud voice made your bones tremble as you pulled away from Rosé and jumped to your feat in a millisecond.

“No Sir that will not be necessary!”

The older girl chuckled at your antiques as she moved to her center midfielder position, fixing the captain band on her arm, she winked at you with a soft smile that made your stomach twist.

The whistle blew and Rosé whizzed passed you as practice begun.

Your legs felt like bricks as you walked out into the empty parking lot, it was dark already, the only illumination coming from the busy street next to the field.

Putting one headphone in your ear and fixing the sports bag your brother had gotten you for your last birthday, you started the thirty minute walk home.

Your soul left your body as a strong hand suddenly grabbed your shoulder, a high pitched scream tumbling out of your mouth.

You turned around to be met with your captain’s familiar smirk,

“What the fuck is your problem Chaeyoung!?”

Her smile was wiped off her face as you roughly pushed her away, hands connecting with her chest,

“That was not fucking funny.”

Your voice came out shaky from the sudden fear induced adrenaline rush. This girl was trying to kill you,

“I’m sorry Y/N I didn’t think you would freak out so much, I’m an idiot, forgive me?”

Her sad puppy dog eyes felt like a stab wound to your chest and you had already forgiven her for scaring the living shit out of you.

“I just wanted to force you in my car and give you a ride home, I hate the thought of you walking alone around here in the dark.”

Your body tingled at her words and her mischievous smile as you let her grab your freezing hand, squeezing it in between hers, trying to warm you up.

“Let me take you home please Speedy.”

A small smile on her face, she pulled you closer, strong arms wrapping around you, her light fragrance filling your senses.

“Just this once Chipmunk.”

“So, are you nervous about tomorrow?”

The lifts home after practice had now become a routine, everytime you walked into practice and didn’t see the older girl joking around with the team a strange sadness bloomed in the pit of your stomach, you couldn’t deny the feelings that had slowly developed into a huge stinking crush.

“Yes, I mean there’s gonna be so many scouts in the crowd and the only chance I have to get out of this town is if they offer me a scholarship.”

Rosé’s stare kept switching between the road and your face, eyes falling to your lips, hands tightening around the steering wheel in a failed attempt to keep her racing heart at bay.

“Honestly Speedy, you’re the best forward our school has ever seen, you do things on the pitch that I can’t even describe.”

Her hand reached over the gearshift and gently grasped your thigh, “All you have to do is keep your grades up and I am sure the sponsors and scouts are gonna come knocking at your door.”

You felt your heart in your throat as she kept her hand in place, muscles tensing under her soft touch.

The street lights illuminated her delicate lineaments, her eyes twinkling,

“Thanks Chaeyoung, that means a lot to me.”

You mean a lot to me.

The moment lasted shorter than ever as the car came to a stop in front of your house.

You sat in silence a few seconds longer, not wanting to leave just yet.

“Are your parents coming to the game tomorrow?”

No.

“Yeah, I think so.”

She could tell you were lying, but Rosé had to remind herself she was just your team captain, not your girlfriend so it was really none of her business, yet she wanted to help you so bad.

She bit down on her tongue as you bid your goodbyes and left the car.

Her stare fixated on your form until you were behind the door of the big empty house, and as she drove off your fragrance remained in the speeding vehicle, thoughts of you filling her mind.

“Listen up team!”

The rowdy changing room quieted down as soon as coaches’ voice filled the space, you took a long sip out of your energy drink as your gaze fixated on the floor, unaware of another pair of eyes on your back.

“We’re drawing 1-1 girls, but I know we can do better than the shit your showing me out there.”

I could be playing so much better.

“I need you to forget about whatever is on your mind during the second half okay?

Be the team I know you can be and kick their damn asses!”

The warning whistle brought you out of your trance as you jumped to your feet, chucking the empty bottle to the other side of the room, adrenaline running through your veins.

Coach stopped you right before entering the field,

“Hey Y/N, show me what you got alright? I know I’m a little harsh on you but it’s because I know you can be pure excellence.”

His deep voice drilled into your head, honest eyes calming you down significantly, “I’m proud of you kiddo, now go score me a goal Champ.”

His strong hand patted your back a little to hard before roughly pushing you onto the field.

Oxygen flowed into your nose, down your windpipe, straight to your lungs before coming out again from your mouth.

That was the only thing you focused on as you ran across the mid field line, caressing the ball with your feet, your eyes seeing a pattern form in front of you.

Lifting your head you made a swift pass to your dear captain before sprinting even faster towards the penalty area, Rosé understood perfectly as she sent the ball flying towards you.

It was a perfect pass, although your chances were looking pretty bad due to the two well built girls running towards you at full speed.

Breathe.

You lifted your head as you were inches away from one of the girls, faking a left you managed to tap the ball between her legs, sprinting past her you recovered it and smoothly dribbled past the second girl.

With the perfect opening you shot the ball straight into the left top corner, the goalie didn’t even have a chance as it soared to the back of the net.

Your eyes widened at the sight, joy overtaking your senses, but something felt out of place as a strong stinging feeling spread through your ankle, you were swept off your feet, the night sky being the only thing you saw as your back hit the ground at full force, oxygen leaving your lungs harshly.

Your ears were ringing, all you could hear were screams, your ankle was burning like the deepest pit in hell, you shut your eyes tight trying to control your breathing.

Rosé had witnessed the whole thing, the ball was already in the net when the second mountain you had dribbled past came sliding directly towards your ankle, a smirk on her face when she got up on her feet perfectly fine while you were on the ground, not moving.

Rage flowed through her veins, ready to knock the stupid girl to the ground but another teammate beat her to it shoving her in the chest with force.

The crowd was going insane, the referee struggled to keep the girls from beating each other up as more kept joining in the mess.

Rosé snapped out of it as she saw the emergency services running onto the field, coach was already by your side, panic in his eyes.

In a second she was kneeling next to you, her hands holding yours tightly,

“Hey, hey I’m here Y/N, open your eyes hun please.”

Rosé eyes filled with tears as a strangled sob left your mouth,

“I can’t breathe, I can’t...”

Her hands didn’t leave yours as you were being lifted onto the gourney, “You’re going to be okay Speedy, I promise.”

Her voice came out shaky, she couldn’t take in your current state,

“I... I have to, to finish...”

Coach showed up in your line of view, worry etched on his face, “The only thing you have to do is get to the damn hospital Y/N, we’ll finish this game up and come by straight after it.”

He grabbed Rosé, separating her from you as you got carried away, her eyes fixed on you until you were out of sight.

The fighting had died down after the girl that caused this mess was sent off and a few yellow cards were given.

She rested her hands on her knees, head dipping as she tried to calm her breathing.

You were gonna be okay.

The whistle blew and the game started from where it left off with a worried Rosé leading her team.

“It’s not broken is it?”

Your feet dangling off the hospital bed, you stared at your doctor with hopeful eyes.

“No Y/N it’s not broken, just try not to put too much wait on it for the next three to four weeks.”

His stern voice reminded of your dad, who still had to show up to sign you out.

“So that means no soccer?”

A small smile broke out on his face, “That means no soccer for three weeks.”

A light knock interrupted your conversation, the older man opening the door to reveal a disheveled looking Rosé on the other side, a huge smile spread on your lips as you saw her.

“Chipmunk, did we win?”

Something seemed to click inside of Rosé’s chest as she saw you there, sitting on the clean bed, a huge smile on your lips and a bandaged ankle.

She marched towards you, not even giving you time to react as her soft lips pressed against yours, the surprise soon being replaced by this warm feeling in your belly as you moved your lips against hers.

You both pulled away, with short breath, foreheads pressed together, eyes closed. “We won Speedy, we won.”

[lesbenoits]

merry late secret santa!

working title: that kaider fluff thing for secret santa

word count: 4008

author’s notes: oops this is late and not very good but i hope u enjoy this incredibly cheesy kaider fic with zero (0) plot! for reference, they’re both human, cinder still has a metal arm and leg due to an actual hovercraft accident, iko is human and is great, and cinder is 20 and kai is 22. happy holidays @kindasortaameyzing  !!

The world was soft around the pair, the edges of their vision blurring. They could be asleep, were it not for Cinder’s fingers tracing designs on his bare chest, flowers and stars and swirls, tying the earth and the sky together with her fingertips. Her body was molded against his, the fine sheets draped across his waist and her body. She brushed her thumb across the freckle just below his collarbone, pressing against it for a moment. Kai’s hand moved against her shoulder, drawing her closer. Cinder presses up against him willingly, burying her face against him.

They stayed like that for a long time, his arm around her, their bodies pressed together like they had been made that way, two halves of a whole. Her legs tangled with his, his soul tangled with hers. She hummed against his shoulder, tapping her fingers gently.

“Kai,” she said finally, her voice soft, content, “what do you think it’d be like if we weren’t… us?”

A crease appeared between his brows. “What do you mean?”

“I just mean… what if I wasn’t the lost Lunar princess, just a normal Earthen girl? And you weren’t the crown prince, just Kai. Where do you think we’d be?”

“Hmmm,” he contemplated. “I mean, I’ve thought about it before, I guess. Abstractly. I think we’d be us, just a little bit of a different us. You know?”

“Yeah.”

A pregnant moment passed, the faint rise and fall of their breathing the only noise to pass through the room.

“Why do you ask?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Just wondering.”

He hummed gently, considering. “It might have been easier, but I like this us.”

“Me too.”

“You should sleep, darling.”

“Yeah,” she echoed. “You too.”

“Mmmhmmm. Goodnight, love.”

She pressed a kiss to his shoulder before closing her eyes, her head on his chest, letting the rise and fall of his breathing lull her to sleep.

*~*~*

Cinder wiped a greasy, gloved hand across her forehead, attempting to unstick a chunk of her hair from her face. Stars, it was hot.

“You know that doing that doesn’t actually make you any cleaner,” the girl propped up on the workbench behind Cinder’s counter pointed out. “The grease is just on your face now.”

An exasperated sigh escaped Cinder, but a smile curled across her lips despite herself. “I’m a mechanic, Iko. I’m supposed to get dirty.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Iko waved her hand dismissively. “I’m just saying! What if, like, a celebrity walked in here?”

Cinder snorted. “Right. Who’s going to walk in, the prince?”

“You never know!”

“Uh-huh. Hey, hand me that wrench, will you?”

Iko passed the wrench to Cinder without complaint. “You are the best mechanic in New Beijing. Not the cleanest, but definitely the best.”

“Hey!” Cinder laughed indignantly, throwing an extra bolt at her friend, who ducked it, grinning unashamedly.

“Sunken to throwing things, have we?”

“Well, I’d have you know —”

Someone behind the pair cleared their throat, and they instantly quieted.

“Excuse me — so sorry to interrupt, but is this Linh Cinder’s?”

The voice belonged to a young man, maybe a year or two older than Cinder, with shiny hair and almost perfect features. His dark brown eyes were ringed by long, dark lashes and his hair stuck up a bit in the back, but he managed to make it look endearing. His lips were pink and pouty, wearing an apologetic smile. All this with a child balanced on his hip, the little girl smiling toothily, hair braided into two stubby pigtails.

If Cinder could have gotten any warmer, she would have. “Um, yes, this is she.”

“Oh, hi! Nice to meet you.” He extended his free hand.

“Um.” Cinder glanced down at her grease-stained gloves. She pulled one off gingerly, shaking his hand. His palm was warm and dry, his grip friendly.

“Hi!” The little girl exclaimed. “I’m four.”

Cinder gave her a little wave. “Hi. I’m twenty.”

“That’s so old!”

“Lei, be nice!”

Cinder laughed gently. “That’s okay. What can I do for you?”

“Well, when Lei was little, she had a nanny android? Kind of? Thing is, it was a really old model, and now it’s stopped working. I called the company, and they just said to replace it, which would usually make sense, but Nainsi has a bunch of recordings and pictures from when Lei was little, and, well, you know.” He leaned in closer. “Government secrets.” Cinder’s eyes widened, and he broke his serious facade, laughing. “I’m kidding. It’s pure sentimentality.”

“Usually I would recommend replacing the model if it’s that old, but in this case, I can see what I can do. I’d probably have to see the physical model to be able to do anything, though,” Cinder replied. “Can you bring it in?”

“Yeah! I’ll have to check my schedule, but I can probably bring her in in a few days,” he replied, beaming. “Thanks so much!”

Cinder offered him a small smile. “No problem. Just bring her in during my work hours, and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Great. I really appreciate it. Looking forward to seeing you again.” He shifted, lifting Lei higher on his hip. “Say goodbye, kiddo!”

“Bye!”

Cinder waved her fingers at the little girl and her toothy smile. “Bye.”

He waved again and left Cinder’s shop, Lei on his hip. She sank against the counter, smiling against her will.

“Oh my stars, Cinder!” Iko spoke suddenly, having been silent throughout their entire exchange.

“What?”

“He was so cute! Don’t you think so? And,” she added, “he was clearly into you.”

Cinder’s ears grew red. “What? No. I mean, like, objectively he wasn’t horrible, but he wasn’t — and anyway, he definitely wasn’t flirting with me. He has a kid; he’s probably taken or married or something. So.”

Iko raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow. “Did you see a wedding ring?”

She furrowed her eyebrows, trying to remember whether or not there had been a wedding band on the warm hand she had shaken. “I don’t remember. Maybe not, but I’m not sure.”

“Well, I noticed, and he wasn’t. So he isn’t married. Plus, he’s pretty young. She might not even be his kid.” Iko cocked her head. “She was really adorable, though.”

Cinder hummed her agreement. “Yeah, she was.”

“Anyway, you can just ask when he comes back.”

“What? No! Iko, how could I possibly phrase that? It’d be so unprofessional.”

“Cinder. Since when has this place been professional. Like, ten minutes ago you hit a girl’s portscreen against the counter to see if that would fix it.”

Cinder huffed indignantly. “And it did!”

“Okay, true. But you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Cinder blew a piece of hair out of her face. “I’m still not asking him, though.”

“I can do it for you. ‘Oh, tall, dark, and beautiful stranger! Would you happen to be taken? Because you see, my friend here with the grease stain on her forehead is totally into you and would like to take you home and help you get some of that parental stress ou-ouut!’” The pitch of Iko’s voice rose several octaves as she ducked the screw Cinder threw at her.”

“You are not saying that. And just because I think he’s attractive doesn’t mean I want to jump into his bed,” Cinder said.

“That could have hurt me!” Iko protested. “Oh, and you admit he’s attractive?”

Cinder spluttered, her ears and cheeks heating up.

*~*~*

Two days later, the tall, dark and — yes, Iko — beautiful stranger and his daughter were back, this time with a large, non-functioning android in tow. He set the heavy, pear-shaped body on the counter, wiping a slight sheen of sweat off of his forehead. Iko, who had insisted on sticking around for the days he might come back, sat on the workbench Cinder didn’t use.

“Hey,” he said, a bit out of breath. “I swear she’s heavier than she looks. I’m not that weak. But she’s here, as promised.”

“Thanks. Oh, wow, she is old,” Cinder replied, already examining the android on her counter. “Where did you find her?”

He laughed sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah. I don’t know, actually. I think my sister got her second-hand somewhere a few years ago.”

“I haven’t seen this model in years,” Cinder commented, opening the control panel on the android’s back with a tiny screwdriver.

“Do you think you can fix her?”

“Yeah. I mean, I can’t make any promises, but if I run a few diagnostics, that’ll probably reveal the problem. With older models like this, it’s usually the issue of newer software being run on old tech.”

“Huh.” He furrowed his brows. “That’s weird. I don’t think she’s been used in about three years or so.”

“Hmm.” Cinder fiddled with a few wires in the control panel, poking at a shiny chip in the back. “Do you have a few minutes? I can take her to the back and run a few tests if you have a minute.”

“Yeah, no problem.” He leaned up against the counter. “Thank you.”

“Sure.” She heaved the android over her shoulder, pulling it into the back room to plug her into one of the machines back there.

“Hi,” Cinder heard Iko say, “I’m Iko, Cinder’s friend. And you are?”

Cinder held back the urge to roll her eyes. Iko.

“Oh, I’m Kai,” he replied. “Nice to meet you.”

Kai. A good name, Iko would have said. Nice, a bit older, but in an attractive, old film way.

“Likewise. Your daughter isn’t with you today? She was adorable!”

“Oh, she’s not mine. Well, kind of. She’s my sister’s, technically, but she’s not really in the picture much anymore, and I was around, so, you know.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss; I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay, how could you have? And she’s not dead; she’s just not really around. Life happens.” His voice got a little tighter, and Cinder’s chest constricted, hoping Iko would get the hint.

She apparently did, as she didn’t press. “Well, she’s adorable. Lei, was it?”

Kai laughed, a sound he made often, and one Cinder enjoyed. “Yeah. She’s a handful, sometimes, but she’s adorable.”

“Mhmm. She really is. Looks like you, too!”

“Thanks. We get that a lot, actually.”

Iko giggled. “I’m sure you do.”  

Iko, what are you doing?

“Anyway,” Iko continued, speaking louder this time. “It’s just you and her, then?” Her voice was loud, and tone pointed, and Cinder flushed.

A slightly uncomfortable chuckle. “For now, yeah. It’s just her and me. I don’t mind, though,” he added on hastily. “She’s… she’s my world, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it. She seems like she’s just the sweetest. Cinder, back in there, she actually --”

Shit. Cinder twisted the last two wires together, then burst through the curtain separating her workroom from the rest of the shop. “I’m back, sorry! Iko, thanks for entertaining my customer,” she said, elbowing her friend in the side.

“Yes, we were just getting to know each other a bit,” Kai said, running a hand through his adorably messy hair as he shifted his weight against the counter.

Cinder bit her lip. “That might be good because I’m not totally sure I can fix this in the next half hour or so. Some of the wirings are pretty ancient and rusty. It’s fixable, don’t worry,” she interjected as Kai’s expression fell, “but it might take me a few hours. Um, if you give me a number I can reach you at I can let you know when she’s ready?”

“That sounds great. Here,” Kai said, pulling out his portscreen, “this is the best number to reach me at.”

“Great,” Cinder echoed. Great? Isn’t that what he just said? Stars, she needed to get a grip. He was just an attractive customer. Who she just exchanged numbers with. For business purposes. It was strictly business, even if he had beautiful, dark eyes she could just about melt in, and continued to do that casual-yet-sexy lean against her counter, which was more than a little distracting. And he was single. Probably. Her beautiful, single customer. Who first met her when she had grease smeared across her forehead.

He opened his mouth a little, then shut it, a small smile spreading across his cheeks. What a smile it was. “Just, uh -- thanks so much. From both Lei and me. I’ll see you soon?”

“No problem. Yup. See you.”

“I’ll look forward to it.”

Look forward to it. He’ll look forward to it.

*~*~*

“Cinder, this is the fourth time he’s come in with a broken portscreen that isn’t actually broken. He’s clearly into you,” Iko said through a mouthful of instant noodles.

“Or maybe he’s just really bad with technology.”

“Cinder.”

The pair congregated on Cinder’s couch for their weekly gossip-slash-binge-web-series-slash-eat-until-they-couldn’t-move session. Usually, they tried to cook actual food, but Cinder had a backlog of orders and repairs to do, not to mention attempting to find a college in New Beijing that offered a good engineering program and wasn’t, like, ridiculously expensive, and still allowed her time to keep regular hours at her shop. Her head started hurting just thinking about it. The point was, they were eating instant noodles cooked in Cinder’s microwave tonight.

She took a bite of her noodles, chewed, and swallowed. “See,” she pointed out, “even if I did like him, which I’m not saying I do, he’s my customer. Like, we message each other sometimes, but it’s always out work stuff. How do I break that barrier?”

Iko cocked her head to the side. “Are you serious? He’d be fucking overjoyed if you texted him to say hey. Or you could just ask him out. Skip the rest of the awkward flirting stuff. Seriously, this is like high school all over again. You like him; he likes you. That should be enough. You guys are adults, dammit!” She stabbed her noodles definitively. “Ask that boy out.”

Cinder mumbled protests into her noodles. “Yeah, yeah. Want to not talk about boys and watch trashy reality television instead?”

“Always.”

*~*~*

“Did your portscreen break again?”

“Um…. no?” Kai gave her a sheepish smile, holding out a small silver square. “It was my holoscreen projector remote this time. I can’t get it to work.”

Cinder raised an eyebrow. “Did you try changing the batteries?”

“Oh, oops! No, that must be it. Thanks again.”

“No problem.”

He didn’t move, just stood there, awkwardly running a hand through his hair.

“Um, so --” Kai began.

“No, wait --” Cinder interrupted.

“My portscreen hasn’t actually been broken --”

“I’ve wanted to say this for a while --”

“I just wanted to see you --”

“I really like you and, um --”

“Would you go out with me?” they finished together.

For a moment Cinder stared at him, and he stared back. The corner of Cinder’s mouth twitched up, and they burst out laughing, doubling over as peals of mirth washed over them. The moment one would begin to sober, they would look at one another and begin all over again.

*~*~*

The lanterns and twinkly lights strung up around the market gave off a pinkish glow, coating the night with an ethereal luminance. The couple flitted around the festival, stopping to admire handmade jewelry or, in Cinder’s case, a booth full of tech. “Look!” she’d exclaimed, holding up a tiny, robotic bee. “It’s so clever! All the little wires and look, this bit must have taken so much coding!” She trailed off as she noticed Kai staring at her, cheeks pink with excitement over the mechanical creature. “What?” she asked, covering half of her face self-consciously.

“You… you’re just… wow.” His eyes were wide and lips slightly parted as he stared at him and oh, stars, she wanted to kiss him.

She ducked her head in embarrassment and pulled him along to the next booth, leaving the model bee behind, although the urge lingered.

Cinder wasn’t totally sure when they had started holding hands -- it was sometime after the hot chocolate but before the juggling performance -- but there they sat, Cinder gingerly resting her head on Kai’s shoulder with his hand in hers, watching a musical trio perform an acoustic version of a popular song she couldn’t quite place. A few couples, mostly older people, slow danced on the makeshift dance floor in front of them (the makeshift dance floor being the dirt in front of the performers, illuminated by the lights strung above). His thumb moved gently over her hand, and she was content to stay like that forever.

Her date, apparently, was not. “C’mere,” he said, pulling her to her feet. “Let’s go dance.”

“Oh -- no,” Cinder protested. “I’m a mechanic. I don’t know how to dance.”

“It’s fine,” he assured her. “Nobody does. Just kinda sway with the music.”

“I -- oh, all right.” She allowed Kai to lead her to an unoccupied corner of the dance floor.

“First you put your hands around my neck like so, and I put my arms around your waist.” With this he placed his hand gently around her waist, pulling her a bit closer. “Then you move a bit closer,” he whispered, “and you dance.”

“Sway, you mean?”

“Mhmm. Who knows how to dance?”

“It’s overrated. This is… this is nice.”

“I agree.”

They stood like that, spinning slowly and gently swaying side to side, Cinder’s hands on his shoulder and his hands on her waist -- which were, by the way, gentle and soft and yet still burning into Cinder’s sides because it was him. They chatted quietly for a few songs, careful not to disturb the other couples -- oh, stars, was she thinking of them as a couple? -- before settling into comfortable silence. Once Cinder worked up the courage, she laid her head on his chest. Kai instantly pulled her closer, resting his chin on top of her head.

A new group of performers took to the stage in the dying twilight, this band playing softer, instrumental music. There were no words, but Cinder felt this music stirring something inside of her. Or maybe that was how close Kai was holding her, his hands on her waist and his lips were so close and his eyes and oh, stars, he was going to be the death of her.

“Cinder?” he breathed, his voice soft, soft below the music.

“Yes?”

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

“So do it.”

Looking back, Cinder wasn’t totally sure who moved first, but she knew that she went on her tiptoes to reach him and his eyes closed and his hands moved from her waist to cup her face. The kiss was so tender, searing into her soul as his lips moved against hers with the music all around them. They broke apart, a little breathless, but smiling nonetheless. Kai smiled that shy smile again, the one from the first day they’d met, and Cinder rose up to kiss him again, this kiss shorter, more symbolic than anything.

Kai was the one to break the silence, but Cinder wasn’t entirely sure whether or not his mumbling was intentional or not.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“Oh, it’s stupid.” He flushed. “I said that I’m glad you’re not an old man. Like, when someone recommended you as the best mechanic New Beijing, I imagined a grumpy old man with a bad back, not… you, you know? I’m sure glad you’re you.”

Cinder ducked her head before smiling up at him again.

“Me too. I’m glad too.”

*~*~*

“Kai. Kai. Are you okay?”

Kai glanced up from his portscreen for the fourteenth time, checking for any new messages. Dark half-moon circles hung under his eyes, betraying his exhaustion. He rested his head in his hands across the table from Cinder. “Yeah, I’m fine, just -- you know Lei’s mother? My sister?”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “Not personally, but you’ve mentioned her, yeah. Why?”

Kai sighed. “You know how she left Lei to go to Europe? She’s still there, apparently, and she got into a hover crash. There was a drunk driver, I think. They found my name in her portscreen, and they called me and she’s in the hospital. She’s fine, like, she’s going to make it and everything, but she had to have a blood transfusion, and she’s going to be there for awhile and just -- I don’t know.” He broke off, burying his face in his hands. “We don’t really speak, but she’s still my sister, you know? And I just -- I need to see her. To make sure she’s all right and has a place to stay and she’s not always the most responsible person, so I’m just worried.”

“Oh, Kai. When did you find out?”

“Just this morning. And I can’t go, because there’s no one I trust whose around to watch Lei for five days or so, so I’m stuck here. While my sister is almost comatose in the hospital in fucking Europe.”

Cinder grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. Her mind whirred, mentally going through her schedule and Lei’s and four days, she had four days, she had as many days as Kai needed. “I can watch Lei, if you want. I understand if you don’t want to leave her, but if she doesn’t mind hanging out in the shop with me… she’s more than welcome to stay with me. Or I can stay in your apartment, if she’d be more comfortable. It doesn’t matter to me.”

Kai’s eyes widened in gratitude. “You’d do that? Just for a few days? Are you sure? That would be amazing. Honestly. So amazing.”

“Yeah, of course,” Cinder said. “I like Lei, she’s great. And I spend enough time around her already; it’d be no trouble at all. Seriously.”

“Cinder, I cannot thank you enough. And Lei seriously adores you; she’d love spending a few days with you. Just -- thank you so much. Thank you.”

She squeezed his hands, smiling tenderly. “Of course. No problem. Go to your sister. I’ve got this.”

*~*~*

“Okay, I’m about to say something really cheesy,” Kai warned her.

Cinder propped herself up on her elbow to look at his face. “Go for it.”

“This is seriously like a fairytale. Like an old Hallmark movie or -- I don’t know. It just feels like a fairytale or something.”

She laughed, gently pushing against his side. “A fairytale, huh? Does that make you Prince Charming?”

“Excuse you; I’d make a great Prince Charming. I could totally pull off a horse and crown and… what do princes wear? I don’t know, but I could pull it off. Ride in and save the princess from aliens or something.”

“I am no damsel in distress.”

Kai laughed. “Definitely not. You’re, like, a badass princess, but people don’t know you’re a princess. A long lost princess posing as a mechanic, and a good mechanic too. Then I, the extremely handsome prince --” Cinder rolled her eyes in endearing exasperation at this “-- would come into your shop one day and totally fall in love with you at first sight. Then we’d have a long and complicated adventure story, and you would definitely save me from aliens at least once.”

“I like this reality, but that’s really sweet.” She pressed a kiss to his lips before burrowing under the blankets once again.

“I like this reality too. I wouldn’t want any other one.”

“Mmm. Me either.”

Cinder like this, liked pressing a kiss to his beloved and gently bitten lip, liked walking with Lei between them, holding their hands, liked coming home from class or work and being greeted with a kiss, liked going on double dates and being cheesy together, liked staying up late on weekends after Lei was in bed to binge their favorite web series and eat fast food, liked kissing his lips and collarbones and stomach and all of him, liked falling asleep pressed against him with Lei fast asleep in the other room.

She didn’t need daring rescues or royalty or aliens because him, Kai -- that was all she wanted. In any reality.

[band-blogging]

Could you do one for tøp / Tyler Joseph? Where the reader (his gf) is struggling with anxiety / panic attacks and hasn't told him about it. The reader is at a show of his and the crowd gets to the reader and she breaks down and Tyler goes to comfort the reader?

Breathe in…breathe out….breathe in….breathe out…

Don’t cry. Don’t cry don’t cry don’t crydon’tcrydon’tcrydon’tcry.

It’s a lot harder then you’re telling yourself it is. So much harder.

Tyler invited you to one of his concerts for the first time since you started dating two months ago and you probably should have told him about your anxiety, but you decided that you wanted the honeymoon phase to last longer then it should have.

And you thought…you knew that telling Tyler you have anxiety would ruin that because he would see you as someone that he has to take care of, or someone that he has to deal with. You would be a burden to him and nothing else because you have panic attacks more often then you like to let on.

They’re usually triggered by something that you can pinpoint, and you do your best to avoid that particular trigger in the future. Concerts are no exception.

There’s a reason you’ve only been to two concerts in your life. The first was when you were fifteen and your family dragged you to see your sister’s favorite band and the second you are currently attending, doing your best to support your boyfriend. You really don’t want to screw this up, but your anxiety has done that to relationships before.

“Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days…when our mamas sang us to sleep but now we’re stressed out.”

You do your best to focus on the lyrics, trying to sing along with Tyler, but the words get caught in your throat and end up coming out as a choked sob, your hand flying to your mouth as you cry into your palm.

The breathing exercises that you had looked up online all come to you at once, and you single out the one that seems to work most of the time. You begin breathing deeply, counting the breaths in your head, your eyes closed, and it works.

But the music is so loud and everyone is screaming and oh god, why is everyone touching me?

You have to leave. You have to get out and run and never come back to another concert again.

You look for an exit in the giant venue, finding one at the edge of the audience in the pit. You quickly making your way through a gap in the crowd, everyone screaming as the boys finish Stressed Out.

“Thank you so much,” you hear Tyler, say, looking back for a moment to see him grinning at the audience, obviously blown away by their support for the band, “thank you.”

You turn back towards the exit, determined to get to a quiet area so you can calm yourself down, then get back to the arena so you can see the rest of the show and meet Tyler to congratulate him after, just like you planned.

You push your way through the crowd, making sure you keep your head down so that no one recognizes you. All you can hear are the screams of everyone around you and the pounding of the drums in your ears, Tyler’s voice slowly getting drowned out by all of the other noises.

“Excuse me,” you mumble, your body beginning to tremble as you struggle to stay on your feet. You look around and keep your eyes on the exit, trying to control your breathing without taking your eyes off everyone close to knocking you over.

You finally reach your destination and immediately collapse, looking for somewhere else to go. There’s another set of doors that lead outside and know that you’ll be able to calm yourself down if you get a breath of fresh air. You stumble towards the door and push them open, breathing in the cool air to fill your lungs.

It’s a relief to be out in the open, out where you can breath properly. It’s not that the music was too loud, everyone around you was. You don’t blame them. If you weren’t out here breaking down, you probably would have been just as loud, but once you began to shut down everything seemed so much louder and everyone seemed to be closing in on you and you had to get out. If it had gotten any worse, you’re afraid you might have passed out in the middle of the audience.

You sit there for about ten minutes before you decide that you’re okay going back in now that your anxiety levels have zeroed out.

You approach the man standing by the door with his scanner, shooting him a quick smile as you pass, figuring he saw you leaving and wouldn’t mind you going back in.

“Ma’am,” you hear as you pass by him, “ticket, please.”

“I…I just came out, I showed you my ticket earlier-”

“I need to see your ticket.”

You sigh and bite your lip, averting your eyes from his hard gaze.

“I left it backstage…” you murmur.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you back in unless I have your ticket.”

You sigh again, feeling your anxiety spike as you rack your brain for something to do.

“Ok, thanks,” you mutter, turning back to sit on the bench in front of the venue, pulling your phone out of your pocket. You pull up Mark’s contact and type out a text explaining the situation, hoping that he’ll see it before the concert is over so you can see the big finale, something you had heard about from the crew members you had met.

“C’mon,” you mutter, waiting for a response, trying to calm yourself down as you go through scenarios of how this could go down. Before you can control it, you’re back where you started, staring at your phone and the unread messages you sent Mark.

You don’t know how long you had been outside, but you had lost track of time after the first half hour, figuring the concert would be over in another forty-five minutes. You keep your head tucked between your knees to keep yourself warm, cursing yourself for not bringing a jacket.

The fact that there are still tears running down your cheeks isn’t helping the situation. You had managed to control your breathing, but you couldn’t seem to stop crying. It’s happened before, nothing too alarming.

You sit out there for about as long as you thought you would have to, about an hour waiting for the concert to end before your phone vibrates in your pocket.

You grab it and look at the caller ID, sighing in relief when you see Tyler’s name.

“Hello?” you say quietly, not meaning for your voice to sound so hoarse.

“Hey, I’m backstage. Where are you?”

You sigh, suddenly feeling extremely embarrassed that you managed to get yourself stuck outside during a panic attack.

“I’m…I’m outside. In front of the venue?”

“What? What do you mean, are you okay?”

You sniff and more tears run down your cheeks while try to figure out a way to explain the situation to Tyler in the least humiliating way possible.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’ll explain when I see you, the security guy won’t let me back in”

At this point, people are starting to flood out of the arena and you know that Tyler will have a very hard time coming to get you without being recognized and you’d rather not wait another half hour for everyone to file out of the arena.

“Ok, just hang tight, I’ll have someone from crew come get you, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you so much, Ty. I’m really sorry.”

“Hey, don’t apologize. It’s alright.”

You nod to yourself, saying your goodbyes before curling yourself up on the bench, trying to hide from all of the prying eyes.

“Y/N!” you hear, seeing a crew member that you had met before the concert rushing towards you, trying to get around the crowd. “Are you okay?”

You nod and he takes your elbow, leading you through the crowd and showing his badge to the security guard who’s eyes widen when he sees you being escorted into the venue.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” he says. You give him a nod, not able to do much else as you are rushed into the building.

“Tyler was really worried when he couldn’t find you,” the man says. You instantly feel guilty for making Tyler worry, and you probably don’t hide it well because the man is quick to reassure you.

“Not angry,” he adds, “just concerned.”

You nod and continue backstage, but falter in your steps when you see Tyler and Josh’s dressing room where you can hear them talking.

“I, um-”

“You can go in, they’re both dressed.”

You nod and thank the man before standing in front of the door, your hand hovering over the door handle as you contemplate whether or not to go in without a rehearsed speech about why you got stuck outside in the first place.

I was dragged out by these fans because they wanted to meet you and then they left-

You sigh and shake your head, grabbing the door handle and walking in to see Tyler standing on the couch in front of Josh. They both look at you as you open the door and Tyler rushes over to you, his eyes wide.

“Hey,” he says softly, wrapping his arms around you, “are you okay?”

You nod, burying your face in his shoulder. He pulls back and meets your gaze, concerned eyes locked with yours.

“What happened?”

I was kidnapped!

I never left, what are you even talking about?

Unfortunately, someone was dragged out by this guy with a mask on, but I saved them.

“Um…”

Josh stands before you can explain anything and walks towards the door.

“I’ll let you guys talk,” he says, shooting you both a smile before walking out the door, closing it behind him. Tyler quickly turns his attention back on you, leading you to the now unoccupied couch.

“I…I was just really overwhelmed. By the crowd.”

He looks at you, obviously wanting you to elaborate.

“I had a p-panic attack and I had to leave. I felt like I was suffocating and I just…I-I didn’t know what to do and when I tried to go back in they wouldn’t let me,” you finish, avoiding meeting Tyler’s eyes, which are trained on you.

“I’m sorry,” you mutter, looking down at you hands, which were intertwined with Tyler’s.

“Why are you sorry?” Tyler asks softly, “it’s not your fault.”

You shake your head. It is your fault, you shouldn’t have been so stupid.

Stpid, stupid, stupid, stupid-

“Hey, Y/N, it’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

You didn’t notice the tears beginning to run down your cheeks, but when you feel them drip onto your hand. You frantically try to wipe them away, shaking your head again.

“Y/N…” Tyler mutters, pulling you into his chest. You lay back against him and choke out a sob, grasping onto his arm and burying your face in his chest so he can’t see the tears streaming down your cheeks. “Hey, it’s okay.”

You look at him and shake you head, keeping a tight grip on his shirt.

“I-it’s not,” you choke out, “it’s not okay, I got myself stuck out there and that guy had to come find me and I just caused all this trouble and I missed a lot of the show-”

“Y/N,” Tyler says sharply, trying to get your attention, “you didn’t cause any trouble, I promise. And, if you’d like, you can come to another concert, hopefully a lot more, and you can stand backstage. Only the crew is back there, no one else.”

You sniff and wipe your nose, refusing to meet Tyler’s eyes.

“Y/N,” he says again, “will you look at me?”

You slowly look up and meet his eyes and he smiles, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

“It’s alright, everything’s alright,” he tells you, “you’re alright.”

“I was just hoping that you wouldn’t find out just yet, I was hoping that I would be able to keep it to myself-”

“Keep what to yourself?”

You purse your lips and stare at Tyler, silently pleading him to not make you tell him anything, pleading him to let the magical time you’ve been having together with no problems last just a little bit longer.

“Y/N, you can tell me anything, it’s okay.”

“I have anxiety,” you blurt out before you can stop yourself. “Since I was really young, I’ve always had panic attacks and the crowd just became too much.”

Tyler nods and reaches up to run a hand through your hair, making you lean into his hand.

“Are you mad?” you whisper.

“Of course I’m not,” Tyler says softly, still running his hand through your hair, “you didn’t do anything wrong.

“I’m going to help you. When you have panic attacks, I’ll help you through them. You don’t have to hide it from me.”

You nod and wipe your eyes, shifting so that your legs are across Tyler’s lap, turning to face him fully.

“Thank you.”

He smiles at you, reaching out to take your hands, “you’re perfect.”

“So are you,” you sniff. Tyler just smiles and shakes his head.

“You’re beautiful,” he says, “and talented and sexy.”

You laugh and he squeezes your hand.

“And perfect,” he says, kissing your hand, “I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“Ty-”

He cuts you off by pressing his lips to yours, reaching to hold the back of your neck. He holds you against him and keeps your lips on his until the both of you need a breath of air.

“I would never change a thing.”

[venusrosepetal]

Our Girl. (Modern Military!AU) Intro.

Summary: (Modern!AU) Not long into your job as an army medic, you find yourself being deployed to Afghanistan on a six-month tour. You’ll find yourself in a whole new world of trouble while trying to adapt to your new normal, and maybe even find love along the way.

Pairing: Reader x Bucky Barnes - Reader x OC

Warnings: War, angst, blood, gore, death, PTSD, stereotypes, sexual indications, SO MUCH SWEARING, cockney, a little offensive maybe?

Word Count: 2,260.

A/N: This is based off a UK aired TV program called Our Girl. It’s a brilliant show and I highly recommend it to anyone who likes military themed shows. I know a fair wack about The British Military but NOTHING about American Military, therefore this will be British based. The fic will include British slag and Army slang which ill try to keep it to a minimum, but be aware some might slip through. Also, although this will be a “Love” story, it will focus heavily on the Afghanistan war and soldiers, so the ‘love’ might not always be obvious. Please, if you don’t agree with the military or war or any of that, just keep it to yourself and move on from this fic.

If you have any advice, concerns or anything please let me know!

This guy below, is Dylan ‘Smurf’ Smith. You’ll meet him in this chapter. :)

October 2013.

“Zero. This is Charlie two-one. Contact fatal.” your rushed voice pushed through the comms over your ear as your trained eyes struggled to see the three fatalities barely fifty-metres away. Hunching over, your boot-clad feet stomped hurriedly through the wet sand towards the first, of the three, severely injured soldiers.

Sergeant. Your eyes lingered on the three stripes stitched proudly to his chest as two fingers pressed firmly to the side of his throat. Pulse - weak. The racket from the battle around, filtered through your ears once more as you moved to the next victim.

Private. No stripes adorned this newbies heaving chest. The screams ripping from his throat would convince any sceptic he was possessed and the sight of his mutilated, bloodied, limb-less lower thighs could make the warmest blood run cold.

“That’s it Private! Keep shouting at me!” Your voice demanding and controlled despite the explosions happening less than 30 meters away. Your bare hand’s fumbled with two tourniquets, tying them painfully tight above the jagged flesh that used to be knee-caps.

“Keep looking at me Private! I’m gonna get you out'a here!” you finished strapping off the second tourniquet and whipped your head over your shoulder to the third whaling soldier. Moving quickly on your knees, you scattered over to him. Two Stripes. Corporal.

“Alright Corporal, I know your chest says otherwise, but right now, I’m the boss.” you yell sternly at the man before you, his chocolate eyes bursting with agony and he nods at you. “I’m gonna need you to man up OK?. Man the fuck up!” you shout over the explosions and rifle fire spread around you as you grab his right calf and cut the circulation a few inches above his now blood-soaked, fleshy ankle. “Stay low boss! I need to save the Private!”

Pressing the radio attached to your chest as you crawled back to the barely-continuous Private “Hello Zero! This is Charlie-two-one-T-two! Emergency evac requir-”

“INSURGENT!”

Dropping to your stomach skilfully and pressing the but of the rifle firmly against your solid shoulder, you fired off three rounds towards the enemy before crouching to your feet above the Private’s head.

“I’m getting you out Private!” gripping his webbing straps around his broad shoulders, you pull his trembling body to the safety of the troop Land Rover before ducking your head and sprinting back through the shower of bullets and explosions to do the same with the Corporal.

As you pull the one-footed-Corporal out of harms way, this whistle blew. Your eyes scanned the dead bodies that’s decorated the red washed battle-field as they rose to their dirtied feet, picking up the men with ‘lost limbs’ and walked towards the now fully conscious Sergeant.

“Good work Private L/N.”

“Thank you Sergeant.”

“So, why’d you pick the Private?”

“Well, he lost both legs and was losing a lot of blood. The other lad lost a foot, but he was fully continuous. I had to make a decision quickly.” you answered breathlessly.

“Thanks lads, go get some scoff and pick up your Oscars while you’re there.” He called laughing, now addressing the rest of the troop before bringing his green eyes back to you. “You know, you don’t just go to who screams the loudest.” his Mancunian accent thick.

“No, boss. I wanted to tourniquet the Private before I jumped on the Corporal.”

“Well, what about me.”

“ Took full impact to the blast, assessed, unable to survive.”

He looked at you for a second, his lips slightly turning up at the corners before nodding his head at your appraisal and sending you to scoff with the others.

After dropping off your kit to the block and showing, your found yourself sitting on the plush, brown leather sofa in the canteen with the Private from earlier.

“Honestly, the way you were screaming, I thought you caught yourself on one of them phoney IUD’s.” he just laughed at you as you praised his acting skills, shovelling more of his sandwich into his mouth. Shaking your head your eyes grazed over his shoulder at a Clerk walking in with her eyes set on you.

“Private L/N, the OC wants you in his office.”  

With a simple nod, you excused yourself from your fellow soldiers and made your way to your OC’s Office. Rounding the corner you walked up to the open door, pulling your head back, spine straight and chest puffed, bracing up to the older, red-headed officer.

“At ease, L/N.” you relaxed at his command and made your way over to the large, mahogany desk. “Bit cold out there today, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes sir. Absolutly boultic sir.”

“Well, you better pack your sun cream,” he smirked as you raised an inquisitive brow “You’re off to Afghan L/N and its 47 degrees.” (116F)

Butterflies erupted in your stomach as a jaw-aching smile was plastered over your face. Finally. Finally someone was telling your you’re good enough.

“You’ll be section Medic and replacement casualty. You’ve done well in you mission training, so you have tonight to say goodbye to your family. It’s not going to be easy L/N, you’re surving your country, do it and yourself proud. Brize Norton, tomorrow, eleven-hundred hours. You are to report to a Corporal Kinders , then to Sergeant Barnes of the USA and attach to his section under Captian Rogers . First impressions are important. Good luck Private .”

London 8:00pm

Saying goodbye to your family wasn’t as horrible for you, as you assumed it was for others. You lived in a run-down, three-bed, east London flat with your heavily pregnant mum, dead-beat dad and your four younger brothers and sisters. Your mum was a kind and loving woman, polar opposite to your controlling dad, who only cared for himself. He had been against you joining the army since the day you voiced your plans over a full-english in a grotty café.  You knew he was only peeved because you’d no longer be there babysit while he went to the pub or because he couldn’t ‘borrow’ (and not return) money from you.

So when you arrived home that night, you received the exact reaction you’d expected.

Your mother cried, nestling her face in her swollen hands, but quickly turned blame on being hormonal, and your dad, he just huffed. He literally huffed. You sat on the floor and announced that, by lunch-time tomorrow, you’ll be on plane, to war, for six months and he huffs. His exaggerated breath causing his long, dark fringe to blow up, away from his eyes.

As for you younger siblings, only Lucy, who’s twelve, understands where you’re going. She promises to write every week and send you care packages with all your favourite nick bits, as well as making you promise to come home safely because she “couldn’t live in this nut house without you.” The others, who are all under five, scribbled you colourful picture and hugged your knees as your taxi pulled up to the pavement.

Giving one last wave to the balcony full people, you close the door to the cab and prepare for the journey.

. Brize Norton. 10:30am

Clad in your desert-camo uniform, brown boots and navy beret, you make your way across the large car park of Brize Norton RAF Airport. Daysack situated on your back and your plain black duffel bag hooked over both elbows you push open the door, passing your passport to the Clerk at the front desk.

Your wide eyes panned over the room, bodies dressed identically to you littered the walkways, chairs and some were even laid up the floors. You shimmied through the wall-to-wall soldiers, with your hand raised to a dark-skinned man calling your name .

“Private L/N.”

“Yes Corporal.” He passed you a bullet-proof vest equipped with a medic pouch strapped to the front and your circular dog-tags.

“I’m Corporal Kinders, welcome to the under five’s.” You followed his lead through the double doors and onto the airfield . “Right L/N, you’re with two-section.” He pointed to the small group of men on the far left using all four finger. ”You’re half the size of an average section as you’ll be joining Sergeant Barnes and a few US troops on the other side. So double in and join ‘em.” he announced nodding to the rowdy men. Around thirty soldiers stood in three haphazard lines in front of a fancy-looking camera laughing and joking. Dropping your kit by the door, you jogged over and stood with your section, looking at your booted feet.

“ Does it really take you massive cock-wombles this long to get in your sections for a bloody photograph!” Your eyes flickered up at the booming amercian voice, only to meet a well-built, extremely attractive, blonde Captain. His ocean blue eyes shot to yours when you let out an involuntary snicker.

“What’s are you laughing at Medic?” He boomed again. His authoritative tone and serious gaze making it harder to contain yourself.

“Cock-wombles sir.” you laughed.

Rolling his eyes and furrowing his blonde brows, he scanned the group again, raising his voice slightly. “For the benefit of our alleged new medic, who are we?”

“THE UNDER FIVES SIR!” the thirty-something soldiers all shout in sync, causing you jump slightly and roll your eyes at their enthusiasm. They probably practice in their bedrooms after hours. Twats.

“And why do you think we’re called that Medic?”

You peered your head forward and looked at your fellow comrades. No one here looked beyond thirty. “Because they’re all so young sir?” you questioned.

“And everyone of them is in my charge, So if you can’t hack being our medic and part of the team, I wont hesitate in throwing you out of that plane. Is that understood?”

“Yes Sir.” Nodding your head, all evidence of a smile was now void from your complexion. Captain Rogers walked forward into the centre of sand-coloured bodies for the photograph, but not before briefly giving you the stink eye. Great. Foot-in-mouth.

“I love a Medic me…”

“Yeah that’s because you’re sick in the head mate.”

“Nah I’m not. Fuck off Mansfield.”

Walking back through the airport , you were surrounded by men. You didn’t know you would be the only female in your section before coming here, and it wasn’t exactly a present surprise. Sitting down on one of the squeaking, collapsible chairs, you pressed the heels of you hands into your eyes, trying to dim the headache that was starting to come on.

“Well, if it isn’t my 'round the back of the Indian take-away in Guildford.’” a loud groan escaped your dry throat when you heard the voice behind you. As if this day could get any worse. You’d know that Welsh prick anywhere. Jumping up and spinning on your toes, you were faced with a small framed lad with bright blue eyes and medium brown hair. He was wearing the biggest shit eating grin you’ve ever seen that somehow manages to get even bigger when he sees your glum expression.

“We were bound to meet up again at some point. That’s the army for you.”

“Is that actually what you call me? Round the back of the Indian?” you question.

“Only for short, hm.” He shrugged, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “I was going to text you back, but, we weren’t allowed phones in Catterick.” the pasty Welshmen commented.

“Oh yeah?” you retorted “You’ve got a little something on your chin.” His blue eyes widen slightly as he wipes quickly at his chin. You snort, batting the air with your hand.

“Oh no, it was just bullshit.” nodding with a sarcastic smile. He breathes out a short laugh before continuing with his taunt.

“I bet you don’t remember what they call me.”

“I do actually. Smurf. Because you look like one.”

“No I don’t!” He argued, feigning offense. “I’m gorgeous. Could'a had any one in you’re section that night, but I chose you.”

“But I chose you.” You mimicked causing a smug smirk to appear on his face. “Look don’t say anything too the others please. You know, first impressions and all that. It was just a once off and I don’t want this lot-” you point to the four men all sitting down laughing at each other. “-to think I’m some sort of slag.”

Smurf sucked a breath through his teeth, narrowing his eyes as they jump from you to the group of man-boys in front.

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable keeping the truth from my comrades.”

“Well, I’m a comrade now too , so you better not let me down.”

“Look, I’ll just say, I was on my phase two, went to pirbright for the rugby. Met you and a few girls and had a laugh-”

“That’s the truth.”

“-round the back of the Indian take-away.”

“No, Smur-” he laughed, stepping ahead of you, making his presents known to the group of man-children. Four sets of eyes staring at the two of you.

“Lads. A mate of mine-” he nodded to you, hands shoved deep into his pockets. “-Cockney,” a round of cheers erupted from the men. Usually you would have laughed, but you were currently in a state of panic. Giving Smurf your best impression of a sad puppy he continued. “-We’re alright, be nice to her. Happy?” he asked, turning to you.

“Ecstatic. You Welsh wanker.” He laughed, his blue eyes crinkling around the edges. You couldn’t fight toothy grin making it’s way to your face. Maybe this wasn’t going to be too bad after all.

TAGS: @beccaanne814-blog @just-call-me-mrs-captain @charlesgrey1875 @avengerofyourheart

@viollettes

[ahodgepodge]

Friends or Enemies?

Requested! 

 In which the reader is secretly dating Aiden, but her brother Scott doesn't know. What would happen if he finds out... 

A/N: I love getting requests with you guys, and I can do multiple fandoms, not just teen wolf so let me know if you’re interested! Also I wrote this a about 2 am my time so it’s not me best work, but I hope you all enjoy!!

 The whole pack seems to be overly stressed about the new alpha pack in town. I always try to reassure them that there is nothing we have to worry about, but that always leads to eye rolls and the question "how could you be so sure". I want to tell them I know because Aiden, one of the new alphas in town (and my new boyfriend), promised he wouldn't hurt any of us. 

 If any of my pack members knew I was dating Aiden, I would be dead. Especially if my brother Scott knew. He's already pissed that I found out about him being a werewolf ( thanks to Stiles not being able to keep his mouth shut). What's even worse, is since I now know about werewolves and other supernatural creatures, Scott forbids me to date any supernatural being. Which makes being with Aiden even worse. 

 I really do hate keeping secrets from my pack, and especially my brother. He is like one of my best friends and we would always tell each other everything. But I don't want to see him or Aiden get hurt, so I need to keep this a secret. At least for now. 

 I never knew that dating in secret would be so hard. I have to be extra cautious that I don't come home covered in Aiden's scent and he can't be strutting around covered in mine either. Scarves have also become a new fashion necessity for me due to Aiden's love of marking my neck. I do love that boy, but he drives me crazy sometimes. There are some perks of our relationship though. We have secret make out sessions any time we have a chance, and my personal favorite is opening my locker to see little love notes hidden in there.

 Thankfully tonight is a full moon, so Scott, Stiles, and Isaac are all going to Lydia's beach house, which has become sort of a ritual for them to go to. With my mom also working a night shift, that means it's a perfect opportunity for Aiden and I to spend the night together. We still haven't done anything more than kiss, but I feel as though I'm ready to take the next step. I'm absolutely sure that I'm in love with him and that there is no one else I'd rather be with, so tonight could be the night.

“You sure you don’t want to come with us?” my brother questioned.

“Nahh, it’s ok. I have to write this English paper. And I’d rather not be around a bunch of people who are trying not to wolf-out” I respond.

“Well I can keep you company if you want” Stiles suggests.

“No” I say a bit too quickly and harshly. “I mean, I love you Stiles, but you know you would just completely distract me from my paper and I would never finish. But thanks for the offer.”

“If you say so” Scott says.

“I insist. Then that way I can also watch the notebook without any of you guys complaining, and maybe do a facial mask or something. Who knows, all I’m tying to say is that I could use some alone time.” I attempt to stay calm as I talk so that Scott doesn’t hear my heart skip any beats. 

“Alright, well, we'll see you later kiddo” Scott says. 

I let out a silent cheer as I watch them pull away and leave for the night. I immediately run to my room to start getting ready. I pick out a simple outfit, nothing special. Aiden always says he loves when I wear what I feel most comfortable in, because that’s what makes me most beautiful. So taking his advice, I slip on my favorite pair of blue skinny jeans and and my favorite top. I quickly add on some eyeliner and mascara and take one final look in the mirror. 

“Ok (Y/N), you can do this. You’re ready” I say to reassure myself. 

I know Aiden wouldn’t pressure me into anything I wasn’t ready to do. But he won’t be able to talk me out of this because I am certain this is what I want. The door bell rings causing me to get out of my thoughts and run downstairs.

“Hey babe” Aiden greets with a kiss to my cheek.

“Thank God you’re here. I thought Scott and Stiles would never leave” I say jokingly. “But now we have the house to ourselves all night so we have nothing to worry about.” My heart flutters briefly and hope that Aiden doesn’t really notice. 

Closing the door behind us, Aiden and I make our way into the living room and start setting up to watch a movie. As he is looking through a bunch of different movie selections, I go and grab some popcorn. When I get back to the living room I see he has decided on some lame action movie. Good thing we probably won’t be watching much of it anyways. He is sitting on the couch with his left arm already open, knowing that’s the spot that I fit perfectly into.

“Can I ask you a question?” I spoke quietly, the movie softly playing in the background.

“Of course, anything” he says with a smile.

“Why do you love me?” I say hesitantly as I lace my fingers with his.

He lets out a small laugh but then notices the seriousness in my features. “(Y/N) I could name a million reasons as to why I love you. But if I must name a few... hmm this is harder than I though” he says while laughing.

“Come on, I’m being serious. Like I love that you try and act all tough and strong, but in reality you’re like my giant teddy bear. You are also really funny, and contrary to my brother and his pack’s beliefs you have the biggest heart out of anyone I know.” I glance up at Aiden to see him staring back at me with so much adoration in his eyes.

“I love that you can see the good in any person, including me. I love the way you scrunch your nose when you’re confused about something. And I love the way you make me feel whenever I’m around you.” While he speaks I try to calm my already racing heart beat. 

I decide to unlace my fingers from his and move them to his neck. We stare into one another’s eyes for what feels like an eternity, but with us there is zero awkwardness, and that’s another thing I love. He is the first to move his face closer and close the gap between us for a kiss. It’s soft and slow, and the kind that makes me weak. 

As the kiss intensifies we quicken our pace, taking little time for breaths. I switch my position to where I am now straddling Aiden with my fingers intertwined in his hair. He moves his hands to my waist and I let out a small laugh, he should know by now that I’m super ticklish. 

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to” he says in between kisses.

“Will you shut up. I’ve already made up my mind. I love you” I retort.

“Well if you insist” he replies with a smile.Thanks to Aiden’s werewolf strength he is able to lift us both off of the couch so that we can start heading towards my room. He slowly walks towards the stairs but then completely stops all movements and sets me down to the floor.

“Hey Aiden, whats wrong” I asked concerned. There was no answer as I saw him staring ahead. But that’s when I heard it. The low growl of an alpha. Scott. “Shit” I mumble.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing” Scott questions harshly. He wasn’t alone either. Issac was with him, and I’m sure Stiles was waiting in his jeep outside.

“Scott please just let me explain.”

“You, get out. Right now.” He spoke slowly and clearly. His eyes were their bright red and his fangs were visible under his lips.

“No Aiden can stay. Scott just listen to me” I demand. His red eyes switched to mine as I began to feel fear spread through my veins. I wasn’t scared of Scott hurting me, I was scared of him not approving of us. “Scott, I’m in love with Aiden. I have been for awhile now.”

“But he’s the enemy!”

“No, he’s not! He is the only one in the alpha pack trying to help us. How do you think I was able to come up with so many ideas at the pack meetings?” I look intently into his eyes. “It’s because Aiden told me the alpha’s plans so I could counter them. Don’t you see, he is on our side. I  really do love him Scott.” As I spoke, I felt my boyfriend lacing his fingers with mine as if to give me a boost of confidence. 

“Issac, Aiden, can you please give us a moment” Scott spoke softly. The two werewolves walked out of the room, Issac letting out a small growl as he walked by Aiden. 

“Look Scott, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you or mom, I just knew you wouldn’t approve.”

“Of course I wouldn’t approve (Y/N)! You aren’t going to see him again, you know that right?” He says forcefully.

“You can’t decide that. I know you’re trying to protect me, but I don’t need your help. I can take care of myself. Either way, you aren’t dad so stop trying to act like you are!” I instantly regretted the last thing I said and noticed as his once red eyes now switched back to their usual brown ones. Our voices were both growing louder and I was sure you didn’t need to be a wolf to hear us.

“You’re right” he mumbled. I look at him confused as to what he meant and he took a deep breath. “I’m not dad and I shouldn’t try to act like it. I just don’t want to see you get hurt, and I could never forgive myself if it was because of the supernatural. I’m sorry I ruined your date, the guys and I will head out now.” When he finishes speaking he wraps me in one of his signature hugs and places a soft kiss to my head.

“I forgive you. But why did you come back anyways?” I ask curiously.

“Oh uhh... Stiles wanted to see if he could steal some of your facial stuff. He’s been complaining about his complexion all day” he says through laughter. I let out a small laugh and I give my brother one more big hug.

Scott and I make our way outside as we see Isaac, Stiles and Aiden all in deep conversation, and dare I say, enjoying themselves. However, my body tenses up as I see Scott approach Aiden. To my surprise, Scott holds out his hand and so Aiden matches him, and they give each other a firm handshake and a smile.   I start to wonder if maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if I had told them sooner. 

My brother and his friends get back into the blue jeep and once again I wave goodbye as they drive off, this time with Aiden by my side. 

“So, where were we?” Aiden questions with a devilish grin. 

I think it’s safe to say that what just happened, my nerves for being intimate with Aiden have all washed away. He is the one.  

[rejectedusername-trashfics]

Madness is Contagious: Chapter 10- Reign Ended

Summary: After the Mad King is put back in jail, one of two his nieces is appointed CEO of Monarch Labs. The niece seems disinterested in the company, but in keen on figuring out how to cure her uncle’s madness. His other niece wants to keep the madness alive. After an attempt at a cure goes aerie, the madness is transferred to Vav. X-Ray ends up getting captured along with the new CEO niece. Will Hilda, Rusty, and the sane King be able to make things go back to normal? 

Chapter: 10/10

Word Count: 2,004

First / Previous / AO3

The group made their way to the CEO’s office. While they had hoped for a surprise attack, Mad Princess and Pyro had completely expected them. Hilda still was awestruck by the kiss, but Rusty and Ryan called her over to join them. Meanwhile, X-Ray and ‘Monster Truck’ had headed over to fight Pyro.

“Ah, yes. I see you’ve decided to attempt to have a final stand,” Mad Princess taunted.

“Rose,” Ryan started. “This is all a bunch of nonsense. You followed ‘Mad King’, but you never knew how to lead villainous tirades on your own. This isn’t going to work for you, so please just stop before this gets more out of hand.”

“You’re not the king anymore. NOW ITS TIME FOR MY CORONATION AS QUEEN!” she yelled at the end.

“I don’t like where this is going,” Hilda commented, warily.

Mad Princess’s eyes started glowing dark green. “You are a peasant of the Mad Princess. You shall bow down,” she commanded.

Ryan’s eyes whited out. “I am a peasant of the Mad Princess,” Ryan repeated in a monotone voice as he bowed down.

“Crap,” Rusty panicked as he quickly put a tinfoil hat on.

“Don’t just make one for yourself! Make one for Ryan!” Hilda yelled. Then he turned to face Mad Princess. “I’ll take care of her.”

“You’re not going to fight me because you are going to bow to me as well,” Mad Princess commanded Hilda. Hilda ignored the command and began to shot lasers out of her palms at the princess. “Why isn’t that working on you? You can’t be a very good scientist if you don’t have a mind.”

“ORF_Suit.EXE was fitted with tinfoil layer to prevent mind control,” ORF announced.

“We’ve been through something like this before, so ‘proper precautions were made’,” Hilda taunted to explain.

“GGGGGGRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!” Mad Princess growled in response.

Rusty quickly made a new tinfoil hat and put it on Ryan’s head. “Uggh, what the hell?” Ryan asked as he came back to it and got up off of the floor. “Did I do something idiotic?”

“Mind control does make people do idiotic things,” Rusty explained.

“Oh, goddammit.”

Back where Mad Princess and Hilda were fighting, the princess pulled out her own laser-ray gun. “Did you really think that you were the only one with laser projectiles?” Mad Princess asked as she shot at Hilda.

Hilda quickly dodged out of the way and the laser ended up being aimed at Ryan. He didn’t notice on time and was shot. “SSSSSSHHHHHIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!” he screamed as he flew into the wall.

“Crap,” Hilda panicked as she ran to go check if he was okay.

“Do you have no empathy for your family?” Rusty asked in response to what he just witnessed.

“He’s a weakling now. I have no use for him, so why dos it even matter?” Mad Princess answered.

“I’m not quite dead yet!” Ryan yelled. Hilda nodded and ran back over to continue her fight.

On the other side of the room, X-Ray and Monster Truck had begun their fight with Pyro. “You’re not even strong enough to confront me on your own. How pathetic of you.” Pyro taunted further.

X-Ray paused to consider that. “He’s not a weakling, I’m just here so I can help fix things,” Monster Truck argued.

“What, did the last-ditch effort of save the ‘girlfriend character’ make you want to show him how to not be a pathetic asshole?”

X-Ray snapped out of his train of thought. “Monster Truck, I’ll distract him. You do… something with your powers.”

Monster Truck nodded and shrunk down. “Aww, what this? X-Ray making a plan? What, is he actually trying to be responsible for himself for once?” Pyro mocked.

X-Ray got into his battle position. “ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!” he yelled as began to shoot lasers.

Pyro dodged out of the way and sent a large stream of fire towards X-Ray to get him to stop firing lasers. “Your laser eyes are no match for my flames. MUHAHAHAHHAHA,” Pyro stopped his maniacal laugh and began squirming. “What the bloody hell?” he asked as he began to try and reach for something on his back. Then, he slammed his back onto the floor and picked something off of the floor. He kicked it very hard and Monster Truck grew back to his normal size as he flew through the air.

“MONSTER TRUCK, NO!” X-Ray yelled.

Pyro walked over to X-Ray. “Well, that had a zero percent success rate, just as your plans normally do.”

“I thought you would at least believe in me.”

“You’re not worth believing in.”

Meanwhile, Hilda and Mad Princess had backed their fight into a corner. “It’s a shame that all your efforts on this fight will be for naut. You can’t win and nobody can help you.” Mad Princess mocked as she shot her ray-gun.

Hilda dodged out of the way. “I can have help if I need it. It would be much appreciated.”

Rusty nodded as soon as he realized she was referring to him. He grabbed and box full of tools and ran over to the fight. “They wouldn’t even know how to,” Mad Princess was cut off by Rusty hitting her over the side of the head, knocking her out.

Hilda gave him a look. “What? I wanted to actually be useful in a physical fight this time.” Rusty argued.

Ryan had joined Poppy on the floor, recovering from his laser shot. “While I’m not happy you hit my niece,” then Ryan sighed, “I AM happy you knocked out Mad Princess.”

Back in the other fight, Pyro had grabbed X-Ray by the neck. “I will save my princess, but I need to burn something first,” Pyro announced.

“I… thought that stupid reporter chick way your princess.” X-Ray choked out.

“Ash is not my princess anymore and you’ll never get the princess you desire.”

“You don’t know that. Maybe when I… defeat you… she’ll realize that I’m awesome… and hot.”

Poppy sat up more on the other side of the room and groaned. “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” she yelled.

“Poppy,” Ryan started in an attempt to calm her down.

“I’VE NEVER HAD ANY INTEREST IN A GUY LIKE THAT BECAUSE I LIKE GIRLS!” she yelled to admit.

X-Ray’s eyes widened. “…What?”

“I’M A HUGE LESBIAN!!!!!!”

Pyro smirked. “And you were too stupid and blind to see it.”

X-Ray looked down, sadly. Then he thought about something and looked back up, narrowing his eyes. “You know… a friend would be there for his friend when he got devastating news... and believe in his planning attempts,” he said as he began to raise his fists.

“Good thing I’m not your friend.”

“MAYBE, I WANT MY FRIEND BACK!” he yelled as he swung his fist and punched Pyro in the nose.

Pyro released him and grabbed his nose, “OW” he yelped in pain.

“Your nose always has been a pretty big target, Vav.”

“I’m not Vav!”

X-Ray used his lasers to melt Pyro’s shoes to the floor. “Well, I want Vav back!” X-Ray yelled one more time as he punched Pyro again, knocking him out.

Ryan and Poppy got up off of the floor. Monster Tuck got up from where he landed as well. he made his hands grow very large and he took hold of Mad Princess. “I’m proud of you, X-Ray. You learned some self -confidence. I’m glad you learned how to be stronger on your own,” Poppy congratulated.

X-Ray looked at Poppy. “And, you’re gay.”

Poppy sighed. “Yeah, I’m gay.”

Ryan had gone over Pyro and took his shoes off and pulled him off of the floor. “Jeremy, tie up Mad Princess. Poppy go get your sanity ray,” he instructed. Monster Truck nodded and began to tie Mad Princess up

Poppy looked up at him, confused. “Uncle Ryan, what are you doing?”

Ryan grabbed Pyro and held him close. “I want you to make Vav sane again.”

“But, but,” a tear rolled down her face. “You’ll be the ‘Mad King’ again.”

“It’s okay. It’s been nice being a good guy again, these past few days. But the city needs its heroes more than it needs Dr. Haywood, right now.” Poppy sniffled in response. “You’ll get that sanity ray right, eventually. I believe in you.”

Poppy nodded in response and grabbed her sanity and aimed it at Ryan and Pyro. “Goodbye, Uncle Ryan.”

“See you, sweetheart.”

Poppy gulped and shot her sanity ray. The ray enveloped Ryan and Pyro. After a minute, Ryan dropped Pyro to the floor and laughed manically. “Mad King’s back!” Monster Truck finished tying Mad Princess up and grew, quickly to grab Mad King. He growled in response.

Poppy walked over to Mad King and touched his face. “Don’t worry, I’ll get it right, one day,” she said, fondly. Mad King began to yell angrily.

“Poppy?” Hilda called out to get her attention. Poppy turned to see her and went to walk up to her. Hilda gave her an up and down look. “You kissed me.”

Poppy sighed. “Yeah…”

“Then you admitted you are a lesbian.”

“Yeah… I have been my whole life. And… I’ve kinda had a big crush on you ever since I met you.”

“Look, I’m sorry but I’m not into you like that.”

Poppy sighed again “I… kinda figured. And that’s okay, you don’t have to. I was very wrong of me to kiss you without your consent. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“As long as you’re not going to force me into anything.” Hilda paused for a minute, then thought of something else. “Actually, I just thought of the best way you can earn my forgiveness.”

“Anything!”

“You let me help you with thee sanity ray this time.”

“I’d love that… PLATONICALLY!”

Hilda smiled, she knew everything was going to be alright.

Vav woke up on the floor. “Wot the bloody toss happened?” he asked.

X-Ray smiled. “Good to have you back Vav. Can you stand?”

Vav tried to stand up, but he wobbled a bit. X-Ray and Monster Truck ran over to help him up. They walked him over to Mad Princess, who was waking up.

“What the fuck!!? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?” Mad Princess screamed.

“You’re going to jail, Rose,” Monster Truck answered. Mad Princess screamed more, in response.

Vav looked at Monster Truck with curiosity. “And, who ae you?” he asked.

“Here, I go by Monster Truck.”

“He’s the guy who helped me fight evil you.”

“Oh,” Vav said sadly. “But maybe we have another good superhero this time,” he suggested, hopefully.

“Actually,” Monster Truck started. “I’m not really cut out for the whole superhero business anymore. I think I’d rather stay at my dead-end retail job as a civilian. And since I am a civilian, you guys can just call me, Jeremy.”

“Well, thanks for not trying to show us up,” X-Ray thanked.

“Hey, out of curiosity, could you actually get the love interest you wanted?” Vav asked, ignoring Mad Princess’s screams.

“Turns out I’m not her type. And I’m kinda okay with that, since I don’t want to BE what her type is,” X-Ray answered, honestly.

“You’ll get a love interest eventually,” Jeremy encouraged.

“Eh, I think I’ll just focus on saving the city for now.”

“Now, that’s what I like to here,” Vav cheered.

“You ready to get back out there?”

“You know it!”

“X-RAY AND VAV!” the two of them yelled as they bumped their junk together. Then they ran out of the office to go back to fighting crime in the city.

“This has got to be what a proud parent feels like,” Rusty commented.

Hilda sighed and smiled. “I guess it’s time to clean everything up again.” Poppy snorted a little bit more pollen to use the plants to tie up Mad King and drag him away. Jeremy pulled out his cell and dragged Mad Princess out of the office. Everything was going to be right in the city again. Just like it was all supposed to be in the end.

[existentialstatesofmind]

Opening Up

Clare: often found new books online by browsing through suggestions of similar reads to past favorites. She was sure this wouldn’t be much different. “I like that feature already. The biggest problem I run into is looking for paranormal romance and getting horror. Yeah if the cover looks gory or violent, I won’t get it.” She grinned at him. “Thank you, if you really don’t mind helping me out. We probably will be using a wok. Unless they are worried about grease fires.” Clare became uneasy at the thought. “There are so many distractions in a classroom and I have slow reflexes.” She laughed nervously. “No problem. We’ll get along fine. I just have to warn Alli.” Her best friend was more outgoing than she was and could easily become defensive. Clare remembered how Alli had taken an immediate dislike to Jenna. Once she made up her mind about someone it was difficult to change it. “Good! I was starting to miss the days when I didn’t care about my appearance and would wear whatever I wanted even if it caused me to be made fun of.” She chuckled. “Yay!” She enthusiastically responded to going to a Cultural Festival. “What is Host Cafe?” Clare knew if it had anything to do with drinking the schools were going to say no. “Oh my god.” She squealed. “If we are doing this, we have to go all out! No point in doing something with so much potential half assed. You have to wear an apron with a big satin bow tying it in the back, gloves, high heels, maid headpiece and feather duster. Everything allowed. Thigh highs with the garter might be against the rules. Though I’d pay money to see you, Kota. Of course I’ll gladly wear a male waiter costume which is probably a vest over a button down shirt, black slacks, a bowtie, and men’s shoes. Can’t forget those. I’m going to have to buy a wig. What color should I go with? I want straight hair too that will make me look different. Maybe Alli and I can draw fake mustaches on each other! I think that would look better than one you glue on. I wonder if I can trick her into letting me give her a goatee?” She grinned mischievously. “I know. I just wasn’t sure how much you trusted him with. I’m glad he’s not like your brothers, you need someone to confide in besides me. So we let everyone think whatever they want? But I don’t have to lie?” Clare was glad she didn’t have to confirm any rumors that might make their way back home. She didn’t care about being thrown out of Jesus Club, however, Clare couldn’t let her parents find out she dared to sleep in the same bed as a boy (even if they weren’t doing anything other than sleeping). “Technically it’s an Irish Claddagh ring.” She doubted many girls would ask the meaning behind it. “I’m not ready emotionally, and I make no promises when I will be. Emi’s good birth control. I love her but I couldn’t take care of her full time like you do. My family’s a mess, I’d have zero support, and a baby is a lot more work. I don’t want us to resent each other because we had to miss out being a normal teenagers. I’m going away for college, I want to live in a dorm and be independent.” If she really got pregnant at 16, her parents and especially Darcy (who looked down on teen moms) would pressure her into giving the baby up for adoption but Clare saw no reason to bring that up. She nodded. “We’ll table it. I obviously am not comfortable with relying on a condom either, I’d have to come up with a way to get around needing parental permission. Or Mom’s head would explode.” Clare didn’t want Kota to change his mind later on and break up with her for a girl who was on birth control. There was nothing she could do about it though. “Seriously? That might be your best kept secret. I mean I have seen tabloid articles with headlines like Melanie Martinez goes on a weekend rendezvous with her younger man! But they never mentioned Toronto.” Clare didn’t feel stupid for not recognizing her own city or Kota if he’d ever been caught on camera too because no one else at school did either. Mostly Clare thought those articles were bogus. But sometimes they guessed Melanie was in some exotic location with an upcoming actor who had a baby face but was really 25. She listened to their crazy adventures, and more they could possibly have. She could never be apart of that. But that was okay. At least she was finally getting to go somewhere AND currently hanging out with Melanie Martinez! Clare smiled. “It won’t be a free for all but it will be parentless.” She walked out of the office and looked at Melanie before answering Kota. “How about starting with Yohio’s lab?”

Kota: looked at Clare when she mentioned paranormal romance and getting horror. "They classify paranormal as supernatural and I've read one supernatural romance that I liked. It didn't have horror, but it was also adult." he explained. "I'm not sure, to be honest I haven't heard of them using a wok, but if you go to someone's house to learn they may use a wok." he shrugged. He listened to her talk about warning Alli and nodded, then laughed when she mentioned her clothes. "A host club is basically a legal form of prostitution without the prostitution. We'd have to wear suits and look nice, the customer will get a list of names of who's on duty and pick which one they want to be with. We'd have to sit with the customer or customers while they eat, we'd be able to drink soda or something with them and we'd have to do what they say. If a girl tells me to flirt with her, I'd have to or we'd lose money. I'd have to kiss her hand regardless though, when the customers leave a kiss on the hand is a proper goodbye." he explained the best he could. Hearing Clare go on about the cafe causing him to shake his head. "You can't do any of that. Everything is supplied by the school. The outfits are decided by votes, the ones that get the most votes are what we will be wearing and they're handmade by our class. The wigs will be provided by the theater committee, the shoes will also be provided for us by the school. You and Alli cannot have facial hair of any sort, you'd have to look like a high school boy and there will already be someone to do your make up and mine. Who knows they may only straighten and style your hair, there are guys with long hair at school. To be honest, I do my hair differently in Japan, there are times when Natsumi stood on a chair and tied my bangs for me with a band on the top of my head. It looked like a small ponytail and it's not uncommon for guys to do that there like it is here." he assured. "No we don't have to lie. If they know you're a virgin who cares? If they think we're having sex, let them." he said honestly. He didn't correct anyone either, he just let them think what they wanted. "I feel the same, I'm not emotionally ready and I don't know when I will be either. I'm actually going to community college because most dormitories won't allow Emi to live with me in them and who's to say if and when my aunt will come back for her. When I graduate Degrassi, I'm getting an apartment to live in wherever I go to school and I'm going to bring Emi apartment shopping with me. If my aunt comes and gets her by then I'll stay in a dorm. I do know that newborns cry a lot and not all of them sleep through the night so continuing high school with a child is nearly impossible and it would be just as impossible to go to an actual college like we want, we'd have to go online and that would suck a lot. I don't plan on having sex until I'm able to take responsibility for whatever happens." he smiled at her and kissed her cheek. "We can worry about that later and I don't think you'll need to get your mom's permission for birth control. I'm not planning on being ready while I'm still in high school so there's no need to worry about that." he said honestly and listened to her. "No, we were in Cali when that happened so don't worry about recognizing the city. I'm able to take small trips between here and America when I want as long as my mom knows. Plus they didn't really get my face, I wore dark glasses and a hat so they couldn't get my face." he confirmed. As Clare spoke, he looked around his office to make sure he had everything and smiled. "Yohio's lab it is." he said before hearing his phone ring and answering it. "Great, I've been trying to call you." he chimed to the person on the other end. "I'm bringing my girlfriend when I bring the jacket to you so..." he trailed off and listened. "That'd be perfect. I'll make sure she's free and I'm willing to pay you back for this. Her name is Clare and please whatever you do don't embarrass her. If you do the IOU you have against me will be null and void." he stated in the phone and smiled. "Great and ok, I'll put paper in my fax machine so you can fax whatever you need to." he smiled. "Ok, I'll see you then and I promise not to tell her. Love ya too." he chuckled and hung up the phone. "Clare, keep your schedule clear for next Saturday. We apparently have plans and I'm not sure what's going to happen since I'm in debt to someone right now." he explained. "Ah, debt that you need to pay with your body." Mel laughed jokingly. "That's not funny, for all I know she could be planning something and though she won't make me her slave I'm still unable to find out what she has up her sleeve." he sighed and stood up. "To Yohio's office." he chimed and lead them down a corridor. "We can't go inside due to the fact he's working and if we scare him or the chemist it could cause problems." he informed and stopped to press a button on the elevator. "What is he making?" Mel asked. "Perfume." Kota answered. "We're selling it in the store downstairs and in Japan first. If the perfume sells well, we'll build him a lab in Japan." he added as they got on the elevator and he pressed the button for the third floor. "The girl you were on the phone with, do I know her?" Mel asked. "Not personally, but you know who she is." he said. "That could be anyone." Mel sighed. "I'll tell you who it is later." he said. "Maybe she just wants to hang out." Mel shrugged. "That's a possibility. I have only been able to hang out with her in America so maybe she wants me to give her a tour of Toronto." he sighed in relief as the elevator stopped and he lead them to a big window. "This is Yohio's lab." he said looking through it to see Yohio and waved at him, in turn Yohio waved back wearing a hooded lab coat, hospital mask, rubber gloves and protective glasses. "Where to next?" he asked.