#i have to wait 22 days for this im killing myself

[evankelmps]

[lucajayms]

once again, i apologize for the rant

helloo, if youre still taking requests, fem reader who is the drummer (fuck b*b) who has been dating gerard since bullets (i love bullets gerard so much) and theyre doing the im not ok video and she is dressed as one of the cheerleaders and has the same uniform as the guys but with skirt. and gerard keeps making jokes about how unfair is that she is only one wearing a skirt and being cheerleader, everyone laughs and he acts like its no big deal but reader knows he feels truly a little bit sad because of it but she doesn't say anything because she want him to be the one to talk about it first. then like 18 years pass 😭 and reader and gerard are at a thrift store and gee sees THE cheerleader outfit and is really interested by it but tries to play it cool but reader convinces them to buy it and get it modified to wear on stage. then gerard puts it on for the first time and reader is just happy that he is so happy bc they have been wanting to be a cheerleader for almost 20 years 😭

take your time, feel free to ignore this, cubicles was soooo good thanks for reading my batshit crazy rants <3

You Should Have Raised A Baby Girl...

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gerard way x reader she/her used use of y/n

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masterlist

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warnings: mentions of drug use, drug tests, consensual ass grabbing

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funfact Gee wore the cheerleader dress on my bday 🤭 (8/24/22)

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I cross my arms, the sting of doubt twisting inside me, and take a deep breath. "Are you fucking high?" I spit, each word coated in anger and disappointment. I know it hurts to ask, especially now, when he’s been clawing his way through every withdrawal, trying his hardest to get clean. But his hands are shaking, and his eyes, hidden beneath that curtain of greasy hair, seem lost and unfocused.

"What?" His voice wavers, but he manages to snap back, "No! I'm not!" He pushes his hair out of his face, and his eyes—those eyes I used to know so well—look up, wide and offended.

I narrow my gaze, searching his expression, his stance, anything that might give me the truth. His defenses are up, but that doesn't reassure me. "I don't care. I’m drug testing you."

He scoffs and flails his arms in exasperation. "Fine! Go ahead. I have nothing to hide." There’s defiance in his tone, but the fear flickers beneath it, plain as day.

I grab a test kit from my bag, ignoring the questions in his eyes. He looks at me, searching for privacy. I shake my head, a hollow ache stirring inside me as my thoughts drift back to Helena—how young she was, just seventeen, when her own addiction took root. They always find a way to make it negative, but sometimes that reassurance just isn’t enough. Bracing myself, I mutter, "What? It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before. I know how addicts work, Gerard. I've seen people fake a drug test."

He groans but doesn’t argue, reluctantly turning to the test. As he fills the cup, I give him enough space for dignity but keep my gaze steady, just long enough to confirm he's not faking. When he finishes, we settle into a tense silence, the minutes dragging painfully as we wait for the results. I watch him out of the corner of my eye, gnawing on my lip. My stomach twists, dreading that I might be right—and hoping, desperately, that I’m wrong.

The test finally beeps, and I look down, half-expecting the worst. But it’s clear: negative. For everything.

"See?" he snaps, grabbing the result before storming out of the bathroom. "Fucking told you."

I follow him out, the frustration spilling over. "Well, what did you expect, Gerard? Huh?"

He whirls around, his jaw clenched, eyes blazing. "I expected you to believe me, (Y/N)! Just once, without pulling out some test like I'm some… some criminal!"

His words hit me, and a wave of guilt washes over me, but I steady myself, my voice softer. "I just… I had to be sure, Gerard. You don’t get it. Watching you… wondering if you’re slipping again… it kills me."

He stops, his shoulders slumping, and suddenly he looks tired, worn down to his bones. "You think I don’t know that? Every damn day, I’m fighting myself. I’m fighting for you, for Mikey, for everyone. I’m trying, (Y/N). I’m really trying."

I reach out, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I know you are. And I’m proud of you. More than you’ll ever know." My voice softens further, a crack showing. "But I can’t be too careful, Gerard. I can't watch you spiral again. Not after… not after Helena."

At her name, his face shifts, and the anger in his eyes softens. He knows what Helena’s been through, what addiction stole from her, from all of us.

He looks away, sighing, and rubs a hand over his face. “I’m sorry,” he mutters. “For making you doubt me. But… I’m not going anywhere, (Y/N). Not this time. I swear.”

I nod, swallowing back tears. "I believe you," I say, and it’s the truth. “And I’m with you. Every step.”

We stand there in silence, something heavy and real hanging between us. I take his hand and give it a squeeze, feeling his fingers grip mine back, and for a moment, the fear eases—just enough to remember that maybe, this time, we’ll both make it through.

And he kept his word for the next few days. The jitters continued but it was fine because he was quitting cold turkey. That's a very difficult thing to do and I have no idea how he's gone this far.. I almost feel bad with every accusation that comes out of my mouth. I want to be wrong, and so far each time I have been.

The shoot for I'm Not Okay (I Promise) was set for tomorrow—our first real music video, with an actual budget. Sure, we had those two videos from the last record, but those were put together on scraps and prayers. This time, though? Reprise was footing the bill. They let us do whatever we wanted with it, so we went for prep school misfits, us being the outcasts, too clueless to catch the hints but somehow breaking through, brainwashing the place with our song. It was the coolest idea we’d had yet.

And it wasn’t just the video. Next week, we were kicking off the Taste of Chaos tour, our first tour for Revenge. The whole thing was surreal. I could see it in Gerard, the way he fidgeted with his sleeves, or spaced out a little too long whenever he thought no one was looking. He’d never done a show sober before, not a real one, and that fear was clawing at him. We all knew it. But no one dared to say it.

That night, we piled into a late-night diner, the five of us crammed into a booth, splitting greasy fries and cheap coffee. Gerard was uncharacteristically quiet, his fingers tapping anxiously against his mug. I nudged him gently, trying to pull him out of his head.

"You ready for tomorrow?" I asked, forcing a smile.

He chuckled softly, but his eyes were distant. I knew something was bothering him, he just didn't want to say it. “Yeah, I mean… it’s exciting. Just… a lot, you know? First real video. Then the tour…”

Mikey shot him a reassuring look from across the table. “You got this, Gee. We all do. This is what we wanted, right?”

Gerard nodded, taking a shaky sip of his coffee. "Yeah. I know. Just… new territory."

I leaned closer, giving him a nudge with my shoulder. “We’re right here. You’re not doing this alone. Just think about the video, okay? Tomorrow, we’re gonna be a bunch of misfit weirdos, and I think we’ve all had enough practice for that.”

That got a real laugh out of him, and I caught the hint of relief in his eyes. Maybe he was still scared, but he was here. He was trying.

That night in the hotel room, I sat in front of the mirror, straightener in hand, trying to make tomorrow’s prep a little easier. I’d get half my hair done tonight so the crew wouldn’t have to wrestle with it in the morning. But as I worked on one of the bottom layers, my gaze kept drifting back to Gerard. He was lying on the bed in his matching pajamas—Batman this time—eyes glued to the TV. I could tell something was eating at him. There was this distant look in his eyes, like he was somewhere far away.

“What’s the matter, baby?” I asked, running the straightener over a strand, watching him through the mirror. He shrugged, not looking away from whatever was flickering on the screen. “Come on, I know there’s something. Talk to me, Gee.”

He shifted a little, lips parting like he was about to say something. “Do you… do you know if…” He trailed off, shaking his head like he’d thought better of it.

I set the straightener down, turning to face him fully. “Do I know if what, babe?”

He hesitated, biting his lip. Finally, he sighed. “Do you know what your costume’s gonna be like tomorrow?”

My brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Like… are you gonna be in a skirt or are you matching us?” His voice was soft, hesitant, like he didn’t want to give away the reason he was asking.

I moved to the edge of the bed, leaning over to rub his shin through the silly Batman pajama pants. “I’m gonna be wearing a skirt, yeah. They wanted me to stand out a little more.”

He nodded, looking down, and there was that far-off look again. I could tell he was wrestling with something. “Why do you ask?”

He squirmed a bit, his fingers fidgeting with the blanket, before finally looking at me with those big, uncertain eyes. “I… I’ve always wanted to wear a skirt, you know? Just… not in a joke way. I don’t know, I just… I’ve thought about it a lot, but I’ve always been too scared to actually… you know, do it.”

The confession hung between us, delicate and vulnerable. He looked at me, waiting, as if expecting me to laugh or brush it off. But I didn’t. I just moved closer, so our knees touched, and I took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Gee,” I murmured, “you’d look amazing in a skirt. Seriously.”

He let out a shaky breath, almost like a laugh. “I just… I don’t want anyone to think I’m… I don’t know. I don’t want people to make fun of me or think it’s, like, a stunt. I just… sometimes, I feel like I’d be more… me.”

I felt my heart squeeze. “I get that. And you know what? Fuck anyone who doesn’t get it. If it’s something you want to do, then do it. I’ll be right there with you.”

He smiled, shy but grateful, and his hand tightened around mine. “You… you really think it’d be okay?”

“More than okay,” I replied, leaning in to nudge him with my shoulder. “If you want to, we can even get you a skirt for the shoot. Who says you have to look like everyone else?”

He let out a soft laugh, glancing down. “Maybe… maybe one day.”

I smiled, knowing he’d take that step when he was ready, and I’d be right there, cheering him on every step of the way.

The day of the shoot, Gerard was unusually handsy—not that I minded, of course. But he was everywhere, catching me in quiet corners, his hands sneaking under the hem of my skirt, fingers tracing my hips, or pulling me close when he thought no one was looking. He’d wrap his arms around my waist from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder, a soft hum of contentment escaping him.

Something had changed overnight. The confession he’d made, that weight he’d carried, seemed lighter now. His energy felt freer, brighter, almost playful. This was the side of Gerard that only surfaced when he was truly at ease—no stage persona, no walls. Just him, vulnerable and electric, taking on the world with this new spark.

At one point, we were waiting between scenes, tucked away in the back hallway of the school they’d rented out for the video. I leaned against a row of lockers, tapping my fingers against the cool metal. He leaned into me, one hand braced on the locker behind me, his other resting on my hip, pulling me close. He gave me a mischievous grin, his eyes alight with something that hadn’t been there for a long time.

“You know,” he murmured, his voice low, just for me, “I can’t believe I waited so long to tell you that. Last night… I just… it felt like I could breathe again.”

I smiled, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “You deserve to feel that way, Gee. No matter what anyone else thinks. I’m glad you told me.”

He pressed his forehead to mine, his hand tightening on my hip. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, (Y/N),” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

“Good thing you don’t have to find out,” I murmured back, brushing my lips against his.

Just then, we heard someone clear their throat. Frank was grinning at us from down the hall, arms crossed. “Lovebirds, we’re on in five. Hate to break up this Notebook moment.”

Gerard rolled his eyes, a faint blush coloring his cheeks as he reluctantly stepped back, adjusting his tie. But he didn’t let go of my hand, holding it tight as we walked to the set together, like he needed that anchor.

The shoot went on, the hours blurring by in a whirlwind of takes and costume adjustments. Gerard, with his newfound confidence, gave it everything, his voice raw and defiant, his eyes holding that steady fire. When he wasn’t on camera, he’d throw glances my way, little secret smiles just for me, like we were sharing a world no one else could touch.

2022

Nashville was as sticky and humid as ever, clinging to us like a second skin. Gerard and I strolled hand-in-hand down the bustling streets, taking advantage of a rare day off to just be together. He’d wanted to go out, despite the heat, saying something about “soaking in the vibes” of the city. Since Taste of Chaos—his first tour clean—he’d grown into himself in ways I could never have anticipated but always admired.

The experiments with theatrics and costume had only gotten bolder: The Black Parade uniforms, the neon punk style of Danger Days, and each tour adding something new, a more vivid version of who he was. As his confidence grew, so did his willingness to play with his identity, his style, and especially his look. He’d always talk to me first, hesitantly at first, but now with a quiet confidence. We’d have long talks about gender, how he felt, and where he fit. He told me he felt somewhere in between, not fully masculine, not quite feminine, and finally, he’d started exploring what that meant.

His pronouns had become he/they—a subtle but important shift that he let me in on first. He’d whispered it to me one night, his face half-hidden by the pillow, unsure of how it’d sound out loud. I remember how his shoulders relaxed when I just squeezed his hand and said, “Then that’s who you are. And that’s who I love.”

Today, I could see how far he’d come. He wore a pair of black jeans, a loose-fitting yellow plaid shirt with his favorite green jacket. His hair was in that perfect, unkempt mess that suited him so well, falling into his face in a way that made me want to brush it back for him. He caught me looking and grinned, that mischievous spark in his eye.

“You’re staring,” he teased, voice low, hand squeezing mine.

“Can’t help it,” I replied, leaning closer. “My husband’s hot. And he knows it.”

He blushed, looking away with a smile that was all shyness and pride. “Lucky me. Got a hot wife who puts up with all my crazy ideas.”

“Oh, like the Black Parade costumes?” I teased, nudging him. “Or was it the neon hair phase?”

He laughed, that warm, unguarded laugh that I loved. “Hey, those were good ideas!”

I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close. “Every single one,” I murmured, brushing a kiss to his cheek. “You know, I love that you’re trying all this stuff out. The costumes, the makeup, everything… it’s all you, Gee.”

He sighed, leaning into me, his face softening. “I just… I spent so long thinking I had to be a certain way. But when I’m like this—when I’m just… me—it’s like, finally, I can breathe.”

“And I love you for it,” I whispered. “Every part of you.”

He looked at me, eyes bright. “Thanks for… always being okay with me. You don’t know how much it means.”

I kissed him, my hands on his face, brushing my thumb over the liner just a little. “It means the world to me to see you happy. I fell in love with the real you, Gee. And you're perfect just the way you are."

Gerard beamed as we wandered the streets of Nashville, our fingers intertwined, stopping to browse comic book stores, jewelry shops, and cozy little cafes that seemed to breathe with southern charm. We’d talk about the places we passed, imagining lives where we’d just hop from one coffee shop to another, taking days off together like this every week.

Then we stumbled upon the cutest thrift store, tucked away on a side street, with a neon sign that read Second Chances buzzing in the window.

“Ooh, Gee, maybe they’ll have one of the records!” I said, tugging him toward the door before he could even protest.

He laughed, letting me pull him in. “You really think someone just dropped an original Three Cheers here? In Nashville?”

“You never know!” I shot back with a grin. We’d been on a hunt lately to collect originals of our own records in any format—CDs, cassettes, vinyl. Thrift stores like these were sometimes goldmines for rare music finds, so every visit held a little thrill.

After scouring the music section and turning up empty-handed, we wandered over to the clothing racks, half just for the fun of it, flipping through sequined tops, vintage jeans, and concert tees that probably had a whole lifetime of memories. That’s when Gerard froze, his eyes locking onto something that made him tilt his head curiously.

It was a green cheerleading dress, faded but charming, with a big white W stitched onto the chest. The dress looked around his size—maybe a little snug, but close enough. He reached out to brush his fingers over the fabric, his eyes thoughtful.

I could practically see the gears turning in his head. “You want to try it on, don’t you?” I asked, a knowing smile tugging at my lips.

He looked at me, almost sheepishly, but nodded. “Yeah. You think they’d mind?”

“Oh, definitely not. They’ll love it.” I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the fitting rooms, slipping the dress over to him before closing the door. “Go on. Let’s see it.”

A few moments later, he opened the door, stepping out with a nervous little smile. The dress fit a bit awkwardly, the hem resting higher than it was probably meant to, and the waist a little too tight—but somehow, it still suited him perfectly. His hair spilled over his shoulders, framing his face, and the way he looked at himself in the mirror had me grinning ear to ear.

“Well?” he asked, tugging at the skirt to straighten it. “Does it look too weird?”

I stepped up behind him, resting my chin on his shoulder and looking at him in the mirror. “Not at all,” I murmured. “I mean, sure, it’s a little tight here and there. But I can make it fit. Just give me a few minutes with my sewing kit, and it’ll be perfect by tomorrow night.”

He turned, his eyes lighting up with a mix of excitement and relief. “Really? You think I could… wear it on stage?”

“Absolutely,” I said, wrapping my arms around his waist. “You’ve wanted to try something new, right? This is your chance. And you’ll look amazing up there, Gee.”

His smile grew, that sparkle in his eye I’d come to love. “You really think I can pull this off?”

I leaned in, brushing a kiss against his cheek. “You already do.”

We left the thrift store with the green dress carefully folded in a bag, along with a few vintage band tees Gerard had picked out on impulse. The whole walk back to the hotel, he kept glancing over at me, his excitement bubbling just below the surface. I knew he was nervous about tomorrow, about showing up on stage in something that finally felt like him, but he couldn’t hide the spark in his eyes.

As soon as we got back, I laid the dress out on the bed and pulled out my sewing kit, ready to get to work. Gerard sat beside me, practically vibrating with excitement, as I took measurements, talking through each adjustment I’d make. Every now and then, he’d crack a joke or mumble some self-deprecating comment about his body that I’d instantly counter, reminding him how perfect he was.

When I had the dress pinned and knew what I needed to do, he gave my shoulder a squeeze and ducked into the bathroom to shave his legs. I laughed when he popped his head out, cheeks flushed, talking about how he hadn’t done this since he was a teenager, experimenting with styles and pushing every boundary he could.

“I’m committed,” he said, grinning as he disappeared back into the bathroom.

As I sat on the bed, working the fabric to fit his frame, I felt an overwhelming swell of love. This was so much more than a costume. I knew he was taking a huge leap here, stepping into an identity he’d been tiptoeing around for years. The stitching felt sacred, like I was helping create something that would show the world the Gerard only I got to see: soft, unapologetic, playful, and so beautifully himself.

He left to find knee-high socks and sneakers, and by the time he returned, I had finished the dress, smoothing it out over the bed. He came in holding up a pair of bright white socks and some simple canvas sneakers, his eyes shining as he looked from the dress to me.

“You’re… already done?” he asked, a mix of awe and nerves in his voice.

“All done and ready for you,” I said, patting the bed. “Now go try it on. Let’s see the star of the show.”

He hesitated just a moment, then took the dress with an appreciative nod and disappeared into the bathroom. My heart pounded as I waited, imagining how he’d look and hoping it would feel as perfect for him as it did for me.

When he finally stepped out, I was floored. The green fabric hugged him in all the right places, and the socks added that playful touch he loved. But it was his face that struck me the most—the way he looked at himself, tentatively touching the W on his chest, then glancing up at me, almost shyly.

“Well?” he asked, giving a small, nervous laugh as he did a quick turn, tugging at the skirt. “I don’t know if it’s… too much?”

I couldn’t stop smiling, my heart so full I thought it might burst. “Gee, you look… you look absolutely stunning." I hold my hands out, gesturing for him to come over to me. "My pretty husband."

He laughed, his voice catching just slightly. “You really think so? I’m not… I mean, I’m no model or anything.”

Once he got over to me, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close. “You don’t have to be. You’re you, baby. That’s all anyone needs to see, and that’s what they’re gonna see. This is everything I’ve ever dreamed for you—to just be yourself. This is all you.”

He wrapped his arms around me, holding on tight. His voice was soft, almost a whisper. “You make it sound so easy. I never thought I’d have the courage to do this… but here I am, with you, feeling like maybe I could take on the world.”

I pressed a kiss to his forehead, lingering there as I took in every part of this moment. “You don’t need me to make you brave,” I whispered against his skin. “You’ve had it in you all along. I’m just lucky to be here, watching you become everything you’re meant to be.”

His eyes were glassy, and he leaned his forehead against mine, his voice choked with emotion. “I'm so fucking grateful for you. You're someone who makes me feel like I don’t have to hide anymore.”

All I did was smile at him. Words cannot describe how proud I am of him.

That night, he had the best stage presence in the 21 years of his career, and I mean that. I definitely didn't. I was so distracted, but I managed to keep on beat. I could have done better behind the kit, but how can I when I have my beautiful husband directly in front of me. Especially when someone gave him that stupid flame thrower. Where did he get a fucking flame thrower?

The rest of the tour he had a few more feminine outfits: the teacher, the flight attendant he called it, the tourist, the cat, and a few other. And he pulled off every single one.

All I could do was smile at him. There aren’t words for how proud I felt, how proud I still feel.

That night, Gerard had the best stage presence I’d ever seen in his 21 years of performing—and I mean that. It was magnetic. Every move, every word, he owned the stage. Me? I was a mess. My focus kept drifting, too distracted by the way he lit up in front of the crowd. I kept the beat, but honestly? I could’ve done better. How could I not be distracted when my beautiful husband was standing there, owning his truth, directly in front of me?

And then there was that goddamn flamethrower. Seriously, where the hell did he get a flamethrower? I could barely keep my eyes off him, but I swear, that thing almost distracted me more than he did.

The rest of the tour was a parade of outfits, each one more Gerard than the last. The teacher look, the “flight attendant,” as he called it, the tourist, the cat—oh god, the cat—and a few others that I never even saw coming. He wore every single one with such confidence, with a kind of ease that made it clear he was finally, fully, himself. Every time he stepped on stage in those outfits, he wasn’t just performing; he was living—and the crowd felt it, too.

I just couldn’t get enough of it. Every single night, he blew me away.

4685 words

thank you for reading, my loves!

[svgvru]

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐓! since its NNN, im doing a fluffy or angsty event thingy. (i will be making a smutty fic on that). so...FLUFFVEMBER OR WHUMPVEMBER whatever the fuck you want to call it. regardless, there's gonna be one fic for every week, (maybe two if i'm feeling spicy) plus a fic on the last day of the month. but im not going to push myself this month. regardless, angst prompts and fluff prompts will be listed below (these will be used in the future).

just request a prompt (up to five) with any character thats in my fandoms list. here's the form to fill out!

𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙

1. "we can be sick together." 2. "your problems are my problems, okay!" 3. "i'm always here for you, i need you to know that." 4. "can we do that again? my eyes were closed." 5. "i love you." 6. "yes, i unfortunately love this idiot." 7. "your lucky you're cute." 8. "you and only you." 9. "oh? do i make you blush?" 10. "a hug . . . i want a hug." 11. "you don't need to do anything, i've got you . . . just say yes." 12. "you're everything to me." 13. "my place, is by your side." 14. "you're the only one who—the only one who's made me feel like . . . this." 15. "you're special. i can feel it." 16. "my heart yearns for you, and you only." 17. "if you can't find a reason to live, live for me." 18. "nah, your stuck with me." 19. "are you sure about this?" 20. "i have never been so sure about how i feel than now." 21. "it think i deserve a reward . . . maybeee a kiss?" 22. "do you want my jacket?" 23. "trust me, i can read you like a book." 24. "i've missed you." 25. "i am never leaving you, understand?!" 26. "just—just a little longer, please?" 27. "aren't you handsome? well, i mean your not handsome—wait no! i mean you are handsome! but i didn't mean it in a—well maybe i kinda did . . . just—! im gonna shut up . . . " 28. "the second you flashed that smile, i fell in love." 29. "you're my favorite . . . everything." 30. "i've got this, you rest." 31. "Just close your eyes . . . i promise you, it'll be all over soon." 32. "oh. oh." 33. "as much as i hate to say it! . . . i need you . . ." 34. "you're love is like a blanket . . . and fortunately i'm always cold." 35. "i will always choose you. whether it be over someone else, or the world. it will always be you."

𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗦𝗧

1. "i loved you . . . " 2. "you were everything to me . . . " 3. "i can't—i can't do this anymore." 4. "no, you're a widow (can be replaced with anything) who's taken her grieving too far." 5. "i guess i was too niave . . . " 6. "why did you make me fall for you?" 7. "nope . . . what i've fallen for is a lie." 8. "you don't get nor desreve a second chance!" 9. "guess i'm just the rebound . . . " 10. "you . . . turned me into this." 11. "i can't fight anymore . . . i wan't to lose this battle. please let me lose . . . " 12. "i wish you were gay . . . " 13. "i wish you were a girl." 14. "what if . . . what if i just let it kill me?" 15. "we aren't—good for each other . . . not anymore." 16. "you're not good enough for me." 17. "oh. oh." 18. "what are we if we aren't together?" 19. "i . . . I HATE YOU!" 20. "you lied to me . . . ?" 21. "my heart, my soul, my body . . . all of it to you. and you fucked (/fell for) someone else?!" 22. "you promised me . . . " 23. "im so sorry. im so so sorry!" 24. "i couldn't keep my promise . . . " 25. "please—please don't leave!" 26. "i never should've let you in." 27. "what makes you think you still have that privilege?" 28. "you can't leave and then demand something from me . . . " 29. "you broke me so devoid of care, threw me away like a toy . . . and you want me to welcome you back?" 30. "no . . . you lost me." 31. "oh? well where's that bitch?" 32. "you thought that wouldn't hurt me?" 33. "i . . . i hope they make you smile." 34. "no. this—is not who i fell in love with. you are no longer my husband/wife and i am no longer your husband/wife." 35. "give me my ring . . . you don't deserve to wear it."

more prompts are likely to be added! if there are requests, then i will update this post to have a masterlist! 2/5 SLOTS FILLED.

[siyaharrystlea94]

OBSESSION

I feel like I feel everything to the extreme, whether it be something very small or something very big, whether out of happiness or out of happiness. I know its gonna sound very disturbing but I have had always had a obsession with the idea of dying, I can't remember when I start feeling it but now that I think about it, I have always kind of felt that way, but it kind of escalated I grew up. I think it started when I was like 7 or 8, I used to wish I had some kind of sickness, or something happened to me that was incurable or something that had me suffering like cancer. I have never told this to anybody so now that I am thinking about it and typing it out it is sounding more disturbing. I don't remember much of my childhood but one of the few things I remember is trying to kill myself when I was alone in my room by strangling myself with the curtain in my room, orange was the colour of the curtain, I used to try so hard, my hands used to hurt, I never got successful, not because I didn't have it in me to go through with it but the reason was I didn't had enough strength not emotionally but physically because I first attempted when I was 8. this obsession with dying didn't end ever, because I still daydream of myself just dropping dead one day or never wake up the next day. this obsession just got under the many other things that came my way as I grew up. now I know I have the strength I me and several ways to end myself, but now I think the thing that's stopping me is.....I don't know......I don't know what's stopping me, I guess it's hope, that someday it will get better. I have been saying this to myself for the last 11,12 years and the strand that is pulling me to finally put an end to it is growing thinner, and im just waiting it to snap. im 20 right now, so guess I have to just hold on to that strand till 22.

[myocsfanfictions]

The Road Ahead of Us - TWD Season 2

The Walking Dead Fanfiction

MASTERLIST

They had left Atlanta behind, trying to reach Fort Benning; but during an apocalypse nothing ever goes at it is planned. Sarah and Nicolette will have to face new challenges and dangers. How will they survive?

<< Previous - Next >>

CHAPTER 22

NICOLETTE

Nicki was more sure every day that Shane was getting crazier by the day. He was jumpy, aggressive, and impulsive. He had pulled Carl in that way; he never did that. Treating him as if he was his son.

Nicolette had tried to find the Little Shit after he ran away, but she didn't manage. So she decided to take a walk around the farm. The whole Randall situation was getting her agitated; his only presence managed to do so. And she didn't like it.

She had been scared before; she had witnessed a city fall, her friends die, and a man trying to burn them alive, and she had seen Sophia getting back as walkers, but this felt different. People were scarier than walkers. They could think, and people like Randall's group seemed to enjoy hurting others. She never thought she would be scared of humans in that situation, but she was.

"Carol, send ya?" Daryl's voice made her look up. She hadn't realized she had arrived at his self-made camp. He was looking at his arrows, gathering them, and with him, there was Dale.

"Carol's not the only one that's concerned about you," Dale said.

"Sarah?" he asked again, but Dale shook his head.

"Not just them," Dale said again, "With your new role in the group."

That was true, Daryl was growing on everyone in the group, well, maybe everyone except from Shane. But after what had happened to Sophia, they all realized that there was more of Daryl Dixon than they had noticed before.

"Oh man, I don' need ma head shrunk," Daryl scoffed, bending over to take some other arrows. "This group is broken," at his words, Nicki put herself behind a tree, wanting to listen to what they were going to say at that point and she was afraid that if they'd noticed her, they would have dropped the subject.

"I'm better off fending for myself," Nicki remembered that he moved away just after Sophia died. He could act tough all he wanted, but she was sure that if he moved, it was not because he had enough of all of them. Not after he beat up Randall to know what they all risked.

"You act like you don't care," Dale said. Dale was watching Daryl take a step towards a tree where his jacket was hanging.

"Yeah," Daryl replied, "It's 'cause I don'."

"So live or die, you don't care what happens to Randall?" Dale said, observing Daryl closely, but he didn't wait even a second to answer that he didn't, "Then why don't you stand with me and try to save the kid's life? If it really doesn't matter one way or the other," Dale suggested. And Nicki frowned.

Why did he want to save that kid so badly? From what she had understood, threats should be eliminated. Randall was a threat, so why try to save him? His group had attacked Rick, Glenn, and Hershel, and it was to kill them. And then, they figured out what their group did to people. They were dangerous. They were a threat.

"Didn't peg you for a desperate son of a bitch," Daryl answered.

"Your opinion makes a difference," Dale said, trying to convince him.

"Man, ain't nobody lookin' at me for nothin'," Daryl answered, taking his crossbow, ready to walk away.

"Carol is," Dale said, following, "Sarah is," Daryl stopped walking, "And I am. Right now," the hunter turned to the older man who kept talking, "And you obviously have Rick's ear."

That was true; Rick trusted Daryl more and more by the day.

That seemed to piss Daryl off as he hissed, "Rick just looks to Shane. Let 'im."

"You cared about what happened to Sophia," Nicki found herself looking at the ground at the mention of the girl's name by Dale, "Cared what it meant to the group," that seemed to have gotten Daryl's attention as he became to walk back towards Dale.

"Torturing people?" Dale kept saying, "This isn't you. You are a decent man," Nicki said. She was sure that if Sarah had been there, she would have agreed with what Dale was saying. She often defended Daryl when the others didn't trust him, "So is Rick. Shane... he's different."

Dale didn't trust Shane, either. She had noticed that, and she was curious to know what Daryl thought about the man.

"Why's that?" Daryl asked, "'Cause he killed Otis?"

Nicolette's eyes widened. She knew it was like that. She had been thinking that for a long time now.

"He told you that?" Dale asked, his eyes wide but not surprised. Would Shane really say something to Daryl? Something so confidential?

"He told some story," Daryl began to explain, "How Otis covered for him, saved his ass. He showed up with the dead guy's gun," she had noticed that, but others didn't, maybe if they'd listened to their conversation something would have rung a bell, "Rick ain't stupid. If he didn't figure that out, it's 'cause he didn't wanna," the started to walk towards the woods, "It's like I said... the group it's broken."

Could Rick really let Shane go around after he killed a man? Of course, Shane getting back was the only reason Carl was alive, but by killing someone... was Rick letting that slide? Seeing how Shane was behaving.

"Ya listened, alright?" Nicki's head shot up when she noticed Daryl standing by the tree.

"Did you notice me?" she asked, still kneeling on the ground.

"Ya make a lot 'f noise for a quiet girl," he said, fixing the position of his crossbow over his shoulder, "Your sister knows ya here?" Nicki shook her head as she stood up.

"But better you than Shane," she answered, and he looked closely at her.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because Sarah trusts you more than she does with Shane," Nicki answered cooly. She noticed him chewing the side of his cheek before heading towards the trees.

"So Shane killed Otis," Nicki said following him.

"Ya can't come," Daryl scoffed.

But Nicki ignored him. "Are we safe with him?"

"Randall?" Daryl asked with a frown.

"Shane," Daryl stopped, taking a breath before turning to her, "Go back to your sister. Everything's fine."

"I think he is dangerous," she stated, looking up at the man. "I'm afraid of what he may do."

The twilight arrived soon. Nicolette had spent her time shooting her arrows against trees or targets. She needed to feel ready; she didn't like to feel so jumpy. The woods now seemed even darker, and the girl asked herself how long it would have taken Randall's friends to find them.

As the sun started to disappear over the horizon, Nicki got back to the house, like she had promised to Sarah. The adults would all be there; they had the meeting to decide what was going to happen to Randall. As she was walking, Carl's frame caught her eye; he, too, was heading toward the house.

"Look who's here," she said, her tone flat as she observed his clothes. "Have you been rolling on the ground?" His pants were dirty with mud.

"You're so annoying," he muttered, passing next to her.

"Thank you," she answered, following him. They walked in silence for a bit, but she could see him glaring at her from time to time.

"What?" Nicki asked with a frown.

"You always shoot without fear," he stated, annoyed, and that got her confused.

"I don't think I'm following," she admitted, and he just scoffed.

"You're really annoying."

Nicolette usually had no problem with the Little Shit being pissed at her, she even found it funny, but at least she would have liked to know what she did so as to annoy him more.

They arrived at the house, where Lory was waiting for her son, while the other entered the house, "I want you to stay with Jimmy."

"But I want to listen," Carl protested.

Lori shook her head, "Not this time."

Nicki got closer to the woman, "Is Sarah inside?" she asked, and Lori nodded her head, leading the three of them inside.

*******

If you liked it, please leave a ♥️ and reblog!

[msookyspooky]

OH. MY. GOD.

i just finished terrible trilogy AND OH MY GOD set me up, sequels suck and terrible trilogy are SO FUCKING GOOD???? you got me hooked on every fucking word !! a fanfic has NEVER done that to me before !! i had to literally drag myself away from my computer and stop myself from clicking on the next chapter because i had things to do !! i mean hell my exams start a few days from now and for the last couple of days all i could think about was ur fic !! couldnt do anything other than read it and have it consume my brain!! i have so many thoughts and so many more things to say about this but ill have to wait till my exams are over and when they are rest assured i will be making a huge post about all of it !!! when i finished terrible trilogy i had to stop myself from starting four’s a franchise!!! i just i cant ur writing is so SO SO good it makes me go insane !!! and the way ur reader is so realistic!! like still emotional and a wreck but still strong, badass and strong-willed !! shes stronger than me FOR SURE cause after stu being a wet sad dog in the last chapter of terrible trilogy i wouldve taken him in but that’s probably why shes the final girl and im not

okay enough rambling i need to save my thoughts for that one huge post ill be making after exams

AAWWW STAHP YOU ARE SO SWEET FOR WRITING THIS OUT 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 I HAD THE BIGGEST SMILE WHILE READING THIS JUST-

OMFG ILY SM FOR WRITING THIS BC I NEED IT. LIKE, I PHYSICALLY NEED TO HEAR I DID A GOOD JOB BC I AM REALLY STRUGGLING WITH THESE LAST 2 OR 3 CHAPTERS OF FOURS A FRANCHISE BEFORE 5 GETS STARTED 😭😭😭🥺💘💝😤

I cannot!!! I'm so appreciative you like my writing because right now the dialog in the latest chapter of faf isn't hitting and I'm about to post it anyways so thank you for the lil confidence boost 💘🥺

Terrible Trilogy I wrote in both the worst and best year of my life idk how to describe it and looking back chapters really reflect that bc how YN felt at times, that hopelessness, is how I felt. Yet at times the way they all were joking and reminiscing on a happier time was also a mood in 22-23 when I wrote it.

But fr YN's emotional state was easy for me to write but irl I would've either gave up sooner or fell for Stu's manipulative ass ways! 🥲😃 Like, you love me??? Well that changes everything! C'mere pathetic wet dog boy you have a home now. (The dog bites and killed the neighbors 💖)

I hope your exams go well!! And when you do read Fours a Franchise I hope it's worth it it's angst filled but I promise you all 5 gets much better with a time skip 😭🖤

[arduadastra]

An unhinged recap of TLOU EP3

Honestly read at your own peril, I cried a lot in this one

*spoilers ahead*

So right off the bat I played TLOU with my partner very soon after it came out, and then again.....and again......(and again) a few more times so I thought I was ready for this. I was ready for grissly asshole bill needing to go find Frank because he's only gone and got himself in some shit and yeah joel and ellie come along I know where a battery is but oh no Frank got bit?! and have a cry but did we get that? No. Do i wish we did? Absolutely not.

But i am kinda bummed we didnt get pedro pascal caught upside down shooting at zombies because of Frank's trap....thats one of my all time favourite scenes

ANYWAY

The whole set up to Bill and who he is, is done so well and with comedy too. It's meant to be ridiculous in a way that someone like bill, a prepper and lets be real we all know one, who 9/10 is called crazy is now the smart one and we see him living his best solo life in his mini town

5. Years pass im thinking huh, that isnt too long, we arent up to present day yet and then i see my boy frank in a hole and im thinking OH YEAHHHH we get some BACKSTORY

6. "there is no girl" "i know" - why did this make me laugh yet cry in the same breath? its so bloody unfair people can grow up without knowing what it is to love and be loved simply because some assholes out there made it 'not the norm' and considering how bill grew up, im sure that didnt help either.

7. "have you done this before?" "no"

8. Young joel in that sunshine? eating with that fork on a fancy plate with pedro's non grey hair and looking clean as frick? this was for the pedro simps and i APPROVE

8.5 MY BOYS JUST WANNA GROW STRAWBERRIES OK

9. the raiders hit, im thinking SHIT here we go, this is when theyre gonna kill frank and joel and ellie will show up and bill will be an asshole and joel will think nothing of it and ill be screaming at my tv and all will be right in the wor- wait what BILL GOT HIT?!

10. oh he's fine

11. Frank isn't though

12. This is where im prepping myself right? I KNEW since i started this episode that he would die, he died in the game and he's gotta die here but im not liking this.

13. Bill stop naming Frank's pills fun names im literally crying

14. Frank: "This is my last day" Me:

15. I dont need to write the speech he made because honestly if i did i'll just cry again and im writing this on my laptop and i really cant afford a new one but you all know that made you cry too

16. THEY. GOT. MARRIED. ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?! ARE YOU?! BECAUSE THIS SUCCEEDED MAN YOU DID IT - WELL DONE

17. Now here i am, tears streaming down my face when you lose something you cannot replace Frank has drunk the wine, im a puddle and then Bill.....this mother fricker....downs his glass and im thinking wait a miniute here....this isnt what happened in the game

18. "objectively.....that is very romantic"

19. ........ *frank castle voice* wait wait wait wait wait WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

20. my ass is in denial right, im like nah ok bill is gonna wake up and that'll be horrifying and heartbreaking because now hes forced to live on without the love of his life and joel and ellie arrive and his door is locked and i knew this aint the way it's gonna be

21. the letter. I need say nothing more.

22. So after ALL THAT, all the sobbing and crying and pact and 'we left a window open' they're just gonna throw at me some joel and ellie bonding in the car? theyre gonna give me the game quotes of 'what you say goes' ????????????????

TLDR: EP3 was beautiful and heartwarming and then soul sucking all at once. While i didnt get my refirdgerator scene i got something so much more and I loved them for that. Now im just hoping ellie found those magasines because best BELIEVE thats another of my all time favourite scenes from the game

[graces5169]

300 prompts, categories and character descriptions.

Leave however many prompts you want with the genre of writing and any necessary character descriptions and any extra detail needed. :) (make sure you also leave

character x reader so I know who I'm writing about)

¡Prompts! (From Pinterest)

1. Why did you leave me

2. Am I that useless to you

3. I hate you

4. I love you

5. Can you hug me

6. Do I mean anything to you

7. Please stop your hurting me

8. Don't look at me

9. You disappoint me

10. I am (so) proud of you

11. Can I sleep beside/with you tonight

12. I'm scared

13. Can I hug you

14. Please hold me

15. Your hands are shaking

16. Stay by my side it doesn't have to be forever

17. Promise you'll return alive

18. I've always hated you

19. I've always loved you

20. Your safe now I've got you

21. Your the only one I trust to do this

22. Your too good for me

23. You've got to be kidding me

24. Have you lost your damn mind

25. Please don't leave me

26. Why don't you come over here and make me

27. Are you jealous

28. I almost lost you

29. Wanna bet

30. Looks like we'll be trapped a while

31. Just once

32. Shut up

33. It's not what it looks like

34. Sometimes it's hard to keep pretending

35. And if I don't

36. I can't help but stare

37. Make me

38. Can't you pretend you love me just once

39. Is your ego really that big

40. Come dance with me

41. Just shut up for one minute

Original/ (not off Pinterest)

42. What are you afraid of

43. Just love me damnit

44. I'm broken and unfixable

45. She's mine

46. I suggest you back off

47. Fuck off mate

48. I'm not watching you mope around like a loser

49. I'm trying to break up with you

50. Did you ever care

51. I was a fucking game

52. Im not your toy

53. She's so annoying

54. Your nothing but a stupid mudblood

55. You tried to kill me

56. I could've killed her

57. Im a monster

58. I hate myself to

59. How'd you do that

60. She never smiles anymore

61. She only smiles when he's around

62. I'd rather date Sirius

63. This time your 'prank' went to far

64. Just my parents

65. You don't deserve this

66. They don't deserve you

67. You have a beautiful voice

68. She's stunning

69. I have to go I'm sorry

70. I can't do this

71. Are we just friends

72. You could never hurt me

73. Your a wolf

74. Are you serious

75. I'd never date you

76. I don't believe you darling

77. You're cheating on me

78. It's over

79. Im pretty sure I'm drunk but you're really hot

80. We can't do this

81. Im sorry

82. It's better this way

83. "Fuck you!" "When?"

84. Im going

85. Im stopping at nothing to get her back

86. Because I'm in love with you god damnit

87. It's too late for me

88. I fancy you

89. Would you fancy a date day at hogsmade this Saturday

(From Pinterest)

90. Im tired of being your secret

91. Who did this to you

92. You are not fine

93. I thought you hated me

94. Im not leaving you

95. I don't owe you an explanation

96. I thought pushing her away was for the better

97. Nobody wants me

98. I want an answer goddamnit

99. No one's ever done that to me before

100. This feels nice

101. I haven't been hugged in years

102. Im pathetic

103. Im not happy here

104. I want my best friend back

105. Go away

106. If he can't see how amazing you are that's his loss

107. What are you smiling about

108. What's in it for me

109. Do you ever stop talking

110. Isn't this what you wanted

111. She's better off

112. Can I hold your hand

113. You can't do that shit

114. You can borrow mine

115. I'll wait

116. He hit me

117. Your one of them

118. I like your scars

119. Don't fall asleep on me

120. Can I date your brother

121. Your a deatheater

122. Don't make me say something I'll regret

123. Can I braid your hair

124. Your really pretty

125. Let me help you

126. You stubborn arse

127. Your in love with her

128. Stay I need you more than you know

129. Your killing me here

130. Tell me I'm wrong

131. I'd be lying to you

132. Lie to me

133. Prove it

134. I'll never get another chance to say this

135. I never stood a chance did I

136. Tell me again

137. This is why we can't have nice things

138. Do you regret it

139. I'm not going anywhere

140. Another nightmare

141. You've thought about it haven't you

142. We need to talk about last night

143. We were drunk we can just put it behind us

144. You were my biggest mistake

145. Are you drunk

146. What happens if I do this

147. I can't have you

148. Just for tonight

149. Be mine for just one night

150. She was crying because of you

151. We're not just friends and you fucking know it

152. You could die and I couldn't care less

153. I never cared

154. Please don't cry I can't stand to see you cry

155. Walk out that door and were through

156. Yell, scream, shout, say something

157. I can't breathe

158. I hate how much I love you

159. Where do you think your going

160. I'm not letting you walk at night alone three miles back

161. I need time and space

162. Run away like you always do you fucking coward

163. You can keep pretending it didn't happen all you want but guess what it fucking did

164. Can't we just be friends again

165. Stop acting like your okay cause I know your not

166. Just talk to me

167. Bite me

168. If you insist

169. I think I'm in love with you and that scares the shit out of me

170. I think your just afraid to be happy

171. I'm afraid I'll hurt her

172. Why are you so nice to me

173. Choose me

174. Shut up and kiss me

175. Your blushing

176. Is that my shirt

177. This is awkward

178. Please come home I miss you

179. It won't happen again

180. I don't see a future with you

181. Why are you helping a monster

182. Stay the fuck back

183. Please pull the trigger

184. Leave! I don't fucking care

185. I can't save us

186. So save yourself

187. Why didn't you tell me how bad it got

188. I never said I wanted a relationship with you so why are you crying

189. I deserve more than this

190. I'm not anyones favorite person

191. I just want to be wanted I'm tired of being needed for everything

192. I know! But you didn't have to use her like that

193. We can start over, please I'll do anything

194. Everything can be perfect so please don't leave

195. I guess we just weren't meant to be

196. You're always leaving me

197. Stop lying

198. If you die I'll go out of my fucking head

199. Your cute when your mad

200. And Your adopted

201. You gave us quite a scare

202. We can work it out

203. You're overreacting

204. You're all I have left

205. I don't care what they think

206. It's me

207. You make me feel safe

208. You guys read my diary what are you five

209. I don't recognize you anymore

210. You make me sick

211. Sorry can't fix what you've done

212. Do you really have feelings for me

213. Don't look at me like that

214. Give me a break

215. It's not a party without alcohol

216. Truth or dare

217. It's six in the morning your not having anymore firewhiskey

218. Your drive me fucking crazy

219. I'm dangerous please stay back

220. Did you hit your head as a kid

221. She's not yours anymore

222. She's deaf dumbass

223. I'm sorry for my brother he's an asshole

224. Oi, fuck off please

225. "I could kiss you right now." "Do it then"

226. What are you doing to me

227. Just admit I'm right

228. He's hot

229. Your my brother I'll always care for you

230. I'm personally offended I didn't get picked to be your fake date

231. They don't love me they're not that stupid

232. We'll what can I say I'm badass

233. Do I get bonus points if I act like I care

234. Excuse me I have to go make a scene

235. I'm gonna need therapy after this

236. Do your parents realize they're living proof that two wrongs don't make a right

237. I'm going on a date

238. Will you be my girlfriend

239. Would you rather kiss me or Lilly

240. Your bloody obsessed

241. She looks so perfect

242. You look beautiful

243. I wanna become an animagus

244. Stop coming back

245. Do you love him

246. I can't love you

247. You made me better

248. You ate my leftovers

249. Just get it over with

250. Were best when we're together don't you think

251. Can I kiss you

252. If I kiss you It's gonna change everything

253. Fuck it

254. I'm pretty sure I just made a fool of myself

255. Can you stop ignoring me

256. I'm friends with a bunch of two year olds

257. Hug me

258. Oh deer

(Amortentia)

259. Chocolate, old books and rain

260. Cologne, wet dog and leather

261. Cologne, broom polish and fresh cut grass

(Pinterest)

262. Are you hitting on me

263. This was fun, we should do it again

264. You owe me

265. I swear I'm gonna slit his fucking throat

266. Did you just kiss me

267. Huh ironic isn't it I'm a lone wolf

268. You hooked up

269. You kissed her

270. Teach me

271. What are we

272. What if I do

273. I want you to be happy

274. I think your beautiful

275. Why do you have scars

276. Shut up before you wake them

277. This is why we don't listen to you

278. What do you mean maybe

279. Hey whose side are you on

280. It's okay you didn't know

281. At least my parents are still alive

282. That wasn't love it was a perfect illusion

283. She makes my heart beat at a million miles per second

284. I'm not in the mood to fight with you tonight

285. Come stay with me

286. Don't call me love

287. I always keep my promises

288. Revenge is my best work

289. Why are you up

290. He's amazing

291. She's not going with you

292. I wasn't lying when I told you I loved you

293. Why are you scared

294. Why aren't you scared of me

295. If your a monster for what you've done than I'm the fucking devil

296. You fucking traitor

297. I'll always love you

298. I will never leave you no matter what happens between us I'll always be there

299. Please stop

300. I fucking love you thats why

Genre/ type of story

Friends to lovers

Enemies to lovers

Fluff

Angst with a happy ending

Angst with a sad ending

Fluff to angst

Angst to fluff

+ more

No smut

Character x reader

Sirius black and reader

James potter and reader

Remus lupin and reader

Lilly Evans and reader

Regulus black and reader

Marlene McKinnon and reader

Characters house

Slytherin

Gryffindor

Ravenclaw

Hufflepuff

Any added features

Name?

Hair color

Eye color

Attitude/personality

Relationship status with parents and other characters

Any important details.

[rabitzzz]

guess ill explain whats up huh

cw for death and suicide and like . genuine traumadumping

my entire life ive really struggled with making friends . not even that , im really charismatic on the surface so i make friends easily . keeping them is a whole different story . its likely because ive never had in depth professional help for my trauma which leads me to be really dependent on others , because professionals have told me i show clear signs of separation anxiety and codependency . its been this way my whole life

this kinda came to a peak in 2018 when i was 16 and finally had a little group of friends online , where a majority of my friends have been for ... forever . we had a discord server for talking and another for rp and we were all super close . one of my closest friends i was closest to was called tobio ( like the hq guy ) and i was friends with him for 8yrs at that point . ive never had a friendship last that long before or since . he was kinda the ringleader of the group snd he was 18 . the oldest person there was a guy called kami and he was 21 or 22 . kami was like my older brother , and he was tobios bf . the other major players in this story are asteria ( 15 ? ) and jay ( 19 )

jay and i met in august when tobio introduced him to the group . i didnt know it then but jay was my first fp , i think . within a week i had developed the biggest most obvious crush in the world and he reciprocated . we ended up dating and to this day he is the ... dare i say he was the only healthy relationship ive ever had , and im sad to admit ive had at least a dozen partners .

a lot happened in that group . something happened that caused a fight between to asteria and tobio , and both of them vented to me . but i was neutral — these were my friends , i wanted them to get along !! i wanted the group to stay together !! but i said something ( " even if tobio was abusive , im just afraid of the others feeling as if they have to make a choice of which side to be on . i dont want that to happen " or something similar . a hypothetical for sure ) to asteria and she took that response out of context , and the friend group split in half between jay / tobio / kami , and asteria and a couple others . i was the ONLY neutral one . out of at least 6 . and i got blamed for everything falling apart .

it was 2 months after i started dating jay when this happened , and we broke up because of it . because he didnt like that i could be friends with someone who accused his lifelong irl friend ( tobio ) of being abusive . during those 2 months , jay wasnt online a single time . and tobio said irl he couldnt find jay either

jay had a job and a dog and lived by himself . it was terrifying for everyone . and again , i was blamed . everyone thought he killed himself after breaking up with me because he always said he couldnt live without me . this was october 8th

jay came back really late september , or really early december . like last day or first day . and we caught up because while he was gone , i would message him updates . sometimes splitting and saying i hated him for disappearing , for scaring me like this . i would send him pretty photography i took walking home from school . i told him how tobio and asteria and the others all stopped talking to me , but that kami stuck around because he was the only one who told me nothing was my fault . jay finally showed me a selfie ( blonde with freckles and hazel green eyes . his eyes were so pretty ) and we talked about us . about how he loved me but the 3 year age gap bothered him so he wanted to wait until i was 17 in april to get back together . we talked about his identity crisis . he got me out of the toxic relationship i had gotten myself into with someone who was way too possessive of me ( and traumatized me sexually despite being 14 / 15 )

jay got me and tobio to be friends again . it was me , jay , tobio , and kami . our group was smaller , but we were together again . i was happy

december 11th . im in class and out of data so i cant be online all day . i finally get around 1pm and see frantic messgaes from jay . typos and full on fear because he thinks tobio killed himself and he cant contact him . asking me if ive heard from him . jay was never frantic . tobio had gone missing in another country and he wasnt this scared before . the messgaes were three hours old and jays offline . i panic and start explaining why i was offline and i hadnt heard from tobio but trying to reassure him . no response . i try calling him on discord . no answer . im crying in my supplementary class because my most important person is stressed and i dont know how to help . if i can .

just earlier that day , before i went to school , he told me he loved me and hed always be there for me .

that was our last conversation .

id never hear from him again .

tobio would come back on the 13th and cut me off entirely . i asked kami and he said to give tobio some time beacause something really bad happened

11 days pass and i havent heard from jay . im upset because this scared me . i didnt want another 2 month disappearance

december 24th . christmas eve . i tell kami im really upset because i havent heard from jay yet since tobios suicide scare

december 24th

8:24pm

kami tells me the " bad thing " that happened

was jay dying .

his last words were for me . tobio told me because kami tried to have us talk things out , to rekindle our 8yr friendship , because we were jays most important people . tobio tells me he hates my guts . he always had . he tried to drop me so many times but i always found him , always clung to him , always annoyed him . he told me i had been too much for jay and thats why he died , because a healthy 19yr old doesnt die in their sleep for no reason . i was too needy , too clingy , too much to " babysit and take care of " , and thats why jsy died

kami broke up with tobio

me and kami drifted apart over the rest of 2019 , not for a lack of trying . too much had happened .

so yeah . this whole thing i have about being so dependent and needing attention is both a result of and a cause of my trauma . ive never learned how to deal with it . thats why ive been so weird for a few months . thats why i get so jealous of healthy friendships and relationships . thats why im hard to get along with sometimes . thats why im in therapy

ill be better one day i think . i hope

sorry ^^;;;

[cosmicalily]

CAN YOU TELL I LIKE MF QUESTIONS

wait im gonna answer this bc im that fucking bored rn

1. we dont have chipotle in aus 😭

2. i don't mind if you're vegan, i think eating more plant based is better for the environment and for consumption, but personally, i don't think i could do it, i just try and limit my meat product consumption (like only having meat/fish once a week) and i think that's good enough, but i feel like other animal products like eggs and milk don't necessarily harm the animal as such? so i don't really try to avoid them.

3. i don't have a specific colour that gives me the ick, more it's combinations of colours in like patterns or layouts (graphic design student disgust moment) some colours are just not a vibe together and IM SO SORRY but rainbow tiedye is one pattern combo that makes me uncomfy

4. i would love to say fairies bc young me would be so happy but realistically probably more like something ocean wise? i mean there's so much there we haven't discovered so who knows

5. i don't discriminate, i love all potato forms but chips are probably my fav (i also love eating roast potatoes with kewpie mayo)

6. nope ill buy one and use it for a week then forget about it (mines been charging for about a year now)

7. seahorses, seals and penguins!

8. sometimes, depends on the mood. if i have lots of study and wanna be comfy, yes, or if I want to relax and chill out in pyjamas, yes, but normal days im too lazy and just throw a hoodie on

9. yep yep but it varies depending on what my skin needs, and often the season. my colder season routine is more about hydration bc my skin gets so dry and in warmer seasons its more about acne and sun protection

10. orange, even though it fucks with my adhd meds

11. im not sure if this is like an object or experience? but as for object i still have my bunny toy from when i was born, as well as all my childhood dance costumes (i keep my current ones too)

12. ooh so i have a few, for haircare, de lorenzo is the bomb, my hairdresser gives these to me and they have done AMAZING SHIT with restoring the moisture in my hair, and for skincare, some by mi is amazing for acne clearing

13. hide and cry

14. i drink water when im bored or anxious in class just to kill time so im most hydrated when im unfocused lmao

15. okay so i DONT KNOW like i feel like drowning would take the longest and my biggest fear is anything restricting like my breathing/being stuck underneath something so i would say drowning, then burning, bc it would be quick but horrible, then freezing

16. no

17. leg bouncy bounce all day everyday

18. okay so depending on mood again: if I'm feeling something summery, i do a mango milk/fruit tea (half sugar bc that shit is sweet) with mango and lychee popping pearls and extra ice, or a milk tea with cream cheese foam and tapioca pearls

19. avocado, it scares the shit out of me

20. oof i mean i remember vividly watching the princess and the frog a lot as a kid with my family so that's probably my fav

21. um i don't like decimals that much, they just make me uncomfortable bc it's like you're not a complete number??? what are you doing??

22. I USED TO AND HER NAME WAS GENENE, then my best friend left her on the bus and i was too anxious to walk down and check lost property 😭😭

23. i wear my earrings always, bc i have an irrational fear that they'll just grow in even though ive had them pierced for so long, sometimes bracelets, like delicate chain ones but also beaded ones i make myself

24. british english has the same spelling as australian english, so mainly that, but i do love poppin out with a random ass american accent for funsies

25. i know for a fact people dislike my taste in music and that's ok <3 kpop isn't for everyone and im aware but i love my music

26. oof on the white person scale im ridiculously high but on the asian person scale im embarrassingly low (this is how my japanese mother described it for me)

27. i love me my dungarees!! but also mini skirts and leg warmers are a winning combo

28. a whole ass japanese banquet

29. i like little ones with dents and holes that the sauce can get caught to, they have more flavour and they're like small and bite sized

30. oh

weirdly specific and unrelated asks to know someone well:

chipotle order?

thoughts on veganism?

a specific color that gives you the ick?

mythical creature you think/believe is real?

favorite form of potato?

do you use a watch?

what animal do you look forward to seeing when you visit an aquarium?

do you change into specific clothes for the house when you get home?

do you have a skincare routine (and how many steps is it)?

on a plane, do you ask for apple or orange juice?

anything from your childhood you’ve held on to?

brand of haircare/bodycare/skincare that you trust 100%?

first thing you’re doing in the purge?

do you think you’re dehydrated?

rank the methods of death: freezing, burning, drowning

thoughts on mint chocolate chip?

an anxious compulsion you do everyday?

your boba/tea order?

the veggie you dislike the most?

favorite disney princess movie?

a number that weirds you out?

do you have an emotional support water bottle?

do you wear jewelry?

which do you find yourself using, american or british english?

would you say you have good taste in music?

how’s your spice tolerance?

what’s your favorite or go-to outfit?

last meal on earth?

preferred pasta noodle?

ask me anything !

leave an ask for the person you reblog it from!

[pwblogarchive]

September 2003

September 1, 2003

2:44 am

“how could you shrug me off yourr shoulder so easily.”

hey lovers. i am better. not as sick not as crazy. tour has been really crazy for the first time shows have been sellingout outside of chicago and i dunno how to explain it but its pretty chaotic. i know you dont care so dont fake like you do. try to spare this thing the drama and save it for your babymomma. wow i am so fucking crazy. i will see you all soon.

peterlewiskingstonwentz

oh yeah. i love nick plan.

September 6, 2003

1:40 pm

“we are your best kept secret. we are your biggest mistake.”

if you emailed me i wont get it forever. i never get on this stupid internet machine. i am gonna get wireless internet soon. i've got the craziest stuff happening in my life, stuff that i never thought i would have the chance with- maybe when i get sometime i will go into detail. other than that i will see you all soon.

September 7, 2003

3:35 am

“im dying to not give up on this.”

the new giveup the ghost. the new straylight run are the only reasons to keep breathing. otherwise you can punchout. just for the record: i feel like i am falling apart.

the weight of promise and possibility is too much.

p

oh yeah. the rumor mill has been busy churning out some good ones: i am not with the girl from the realworld. i am not with the girl from the cover of the saves the day record. i do not like like green eggs in a house. i am not with every single person who says i am. because i am currently single and looking to stay that way.

September 8, 2003

10:00 am

“you ever have one of those moments of clarity where you know everything will be alright?

i just did.”

tell me you'll kill for this, just a little bit.

go over to my friend guav's live journal. see some pics of us in NYC. www.livejournal.com/~throwingstarDNA

matt pinfield was at the show, that guy is short as fuck.

September 12, 2003

11:52 am

i went to this stupid tour and all i got was some shitty shirt.

yep. thats it. its almost over and another starts soon.

sing me something. i will fall in love.

peter

September 15, 2003

12:49 pm

“save me like a yard of stitches”

yeah so i got some stitches at the st. louis show. i am okay. i will be home soon. after i sleep for a few days and come back to life lets hang out.

oh yeah i haven't been able to get to my email for weeks and weeks. so just wait until next week and i will get back to you or not.

peter

September 25, 2003

11:35 am

i know it is belated but we love you back

happy birthday morgan.

September 26, 2003

1:22 am

“drag my corpse through the suburbs and show them what they're missing”

i have taken to wearing red makeup around my eyes to make myself look washed out and tired.

maybe it will help me get some sleep.

September 26, 2003

11:34 am

“so just to explain..”

i tried to leave the house to see you. but i couldn't cause i don't fit in anywhere anymore, except out on the road. so i went back to sleep instead.

"i thought you hated girls, like you were on some MC5 shit or something."

"nah, it's not girls, i hate everyone."

[bluemoontarot]

15 - "life is awful I'm defiled and gross and no one will love me"

16 - "life is awful I'm queer and gross and people hurt me physically at school I want to die"

17- "how tf is this not getting better???? Im dying by graduation fuck this."

18- "....Maybe college will be better. It's not catholic school. I'll give it one more year."

19- "Well I have this deadly eating disorder and I want to die. But if I get skinny maybe life will pan out so can't die yet."

20- "Huh...didn't think I'd get this far. That dnd thing looks pretty cool...I'm a stage manager? People...like me? One more year. Then I'll die."

21- "I have a group of friends and a girlfriend, I'm a respected leader in my department at school, I get called into shows I'm not even in to provide my expertise. I'm still suffering my ED, and I do not know I can medicate my ptsd and depression. I'm suicidal as hell...but I should probably graduate first so my parents don't waste the money on college."

22- "I cannot believe I am alive, graduating college on time, have a job in my profession lined up, and a general plan to follow for life. Maybe...I can do this.'

23- "wow the world is ending. My gf broke up with me. I got laid off. I'm on unemployment. I can't find work. I don't have a room at home bc siblings. And I actively am planning to kill myself."

24- "I met a friend at a con a few years ago and now I've moved out into my first apartment and they helped me get out of a domestic violence situation and tell my parents about it. Jobs still suck. But...I have a cat now. I can't die. Who would take care of him?"

25- "Half of my family is dead and I want to die so bad but I can't bc im the only one left to help mom and my siblings. But I have my cat...and my friends....I'm moving to a different city."

26- "I've established a life in a new city, I live with my best friend, we have our cats. I recently got fired from a super harmful workplace and I am happy, I don't want to die anymore. I'm in treatment for ptsd, I'm medicated for depression and anxiety, I've been recovered from my ED for a year. Life is shitty but at least I'm alive, and that's gotta count for something."

Almost ten years, my outlook on life has completely changed. 14-18 were the worst and I hated every moment of it. But every day I wake up and I'm so glad I didn't kill myself when I was younger. I'm still so young, I have so much to accomplish. Remember teens....it will end.

You will age.

You will graduate high school

You will move

You will find new friends

Life is not stagnant, wait to see what it can offer.

bitches be like "life is a neverending nightmare," my brother in christ you are 14

[apathyfairy]

i know everyone hates cmbyn but “if i could have him like this in my dreams every night of my life, i’d stake my entire life on dreams and be done with the rest” is still too raw

[restapesta]

hi emina! happy last week of no school ♥♥

15. “Finally. Missed you so much.” but make it sort of in front of other people??🙏🙏🙏 if u want. it's okay if not, too!

MONDAY

---

ian (1:11 AM): it's hot as fuck here. can't sleep.

ian (1:12 AM): also, lip snores

mickey (1:12 AM): that's what you get for leaving me

ian (1:13 AM): drama queen, i only left this morning. be back in just a week.

ian (1:13 AM): why are YOU awake?

mickey (1:14 AM): fuck you, just a week. 🖕🖕🖕

ian (1:14 AM): 🙄

ian (1:14 AM): go to sleep

mickey (1:15 AM): you woke me up???

ian (1:15 AM): doesn't matter. just go to sleep.

mickey (1:15 AM): probably not

ian (1:16 AM): ???

mickey (1:17 AM): can't sleep without you

incoming call from ian (1:17 AM)

---

TUESDAY

---

mickey (11:22 AM): college bitch still pissed at us for waking him up?

ian (11:25 AM): isn't speaking to me. bitched about it to fiona the entire morning.

ian (11:25 AM): "can't go a night without him." blah blah

mickey (11:25 AM): fuck him. wyd right now?

ian (11:27 AM): helping Fi with the moving shit.

ian (11:27 AM): you?

mickey (11:28 AM): lunch with tami. bitching about lip.

ian (11:29 AM): 😌

ian (11.29 AM): that same lip is currently screaming my ear off to get off the phone.

ian (11:29 AM): keep bitching, my love

mickey (11:30 AM): tell him to fuck off.

mickey (11:30 AM): also, call me when you're done

ian (11:31 AM): 😘

mickey (11:31 AM): 🙄🖤

(12:57 PM) incoming call from ian

(16:44 PM): incoming call from mickey

(21:44 PM) incoming call from ian

---

WEDNESDAY

---

mickey (09:06 AM): come back home, im bored.

mickey (09:06 AM): Fiona doesn't need you for an entire fucking week.

ian (09:10 AM): 😬 just five more days

ian (09:10 AM): Fiona says hi!

mickey (09:11 AM): I'm horny, this is stupid.

ian (09:12 AM): handy-dandy hand 😁

mickey (09:12 AM): 🖕🖕🖕🖕

mickey (09:13 AM): ...something to work with?

ian sent a link (09:14 AM)

mickey (09:15 AM): you did not just send me the benefits of a cold shower, you bitch.

ian (09:16 AM): loveeeeee youuuuuu

mickey (09:16 AM): 🙂🔪

incoming call from ian (12:33 PM)

incoming call from ian (17:29 PM)

incoming call from mickey (00:12 AM)

---

THURSDAY

---

ian (08:12 AM): I'm horny.

ian (08:13 AM): mickey

ian (08:13 AM): mickey

ian (08:13 AM): mickey

ian (08:13 AM): MICKEY

ian (08:14 AM): babyyyyyy

ian (08:14 AM): pleaseeeeee come on, you're not sleeping rn

mickey sent a link (08:16 AM)

ian (08:16 AM): i deserved that.

mickey (08:17 AM): handy-dandy 🤛

ian (08:17 AM): hate myself at this moment 🙂

mickey (08:17 AM): 🤭😘

-

ian (09:44 AM): coffee on facetime?

incoming call from mickey (09:45 AM)

---

FRIDAY

---

ian (14:22 PM): sorry for the ghosting

ian (14:22 PM): Fiona's been killing me with the whole apartment cleaning shit

ian (14:23 PM): And Lip's hiding from her so he's always with me.

ian (14:23 PM): i know it's been a day.

mickey (14:25 PM): well, well, look who decided to text their husband finally

mickey (14:25 PM): it's been a whole day, ian.

mickey (14:26 PM): we are no longer on speaking terms.

ian (14:26 PM): 😲😨

ian (14:26 PM): i'm sorry.

ian (14:26 PM): i miss having breakfast with you.

ian (14:27 PM): i miss sleeping with you

ian (14:27 PM): i miss kissing you

ian (14:28 PM): and doing other things with you 😏

ian (14:28 PM): miss you so fucking much.

ian (14:28 PM): mick?

mickey (14:30 PM): ugh fine, you sap

mickey (14:30 PM): call me

incoming call from ian (14:31 PM)

---

SATURDAY

---

incoming call from mickey (18:55 PM)

ian (19:24 PM): phone sex is cool, but we should try sexting 😳

mickey (19:26 PM): i don't need a reminder of your disgusting ass dick anywhere on my phone.

ian (19:26 PM): hm? 🤔 not what you were saying ten minutes ago.

ian (19:27 PM): you sure you ain't ready for round two? 😏

ian (19:27 PM): bet facetime sex is even better.

incoming call from mickey (19:28 PM)

-

ian (02:22 AM): i miss you. i really fucking miss you.

---

SUNDAY

---

ian (08:02 AM): flight is at 10

mickey (08:04 AM): i'll be waiting for you when you land.

---

It had only been a week. A week filled with phone calls and text messages and a whole bunch of facetime—but, fuck, it had been a week.

Did Ian really have to go on and visit Fiona alone with Lip? Was it really that necessary for him to travel all the way to the alligator land just so they could help Fiona switch apartments? Mickey didn't see the point of the long-ass trip to Florida just so Ian could complain about how humid it was and how it was a blessing he didn't share a room with Lip anymore.

Mickey missed him. He missed him a lot more than he thought he would, and he really should've considered the fact that he and Ian spent most of their time together. They may have been apart before for long periods of time, but it was hard to tear them away from each other nowadays.

So maybe it wasn't that much of a surprise he'd had a hard time adjusting to the empty space of their apartment and the coldness of their bed. The lack of dad jokes during their long rides at work and the unmistakable scent of Ian that had been slowly fading and was almost gone now.

That was Mickey's excuse for not doing laundry. He didn't wanna lose Ian's smell from their home. The sappy excuse would probably work with Ian, he thought.

And even if it didn't, Mickey could distract him from his annoyance in other ways.

Airports sucked.

Being in an airport, waiting on Ian and Lip with their family of twenty thousand—or six, whatever—sucked even more.

But the plane had already landed and it would be just another couple minutes before Mickey saw his husband for the first time in a week. Before he wrapped his arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. He didn't even give a shit if anybody saw him and thought how big of a fag he was.

Husband. That was the only thing on his mind currently.

"They should be here already," Tami said, bouncing Fred up on her hip.

Debbie shrugged from beside Mickey, one hand tightly holding onto the redheaded girl between them. She was fisting the fabric of Mickey's jacket, and it made Mickey smile. It eased the anticipation a little.

Who was he kidding? There were swarms of bees in his stomach, poking and stinging. He felt slightly nauseous.

"I think I see Lip!" It was Liam who exclaimed.

Mickey didn't see Lip.

But he did see the redhead trailing right behind him, a suitcase in his right hand, recently bought for the trip. His hair was ruffled, and his eyes were sleepy, the jet lag probably hitting him in full swing.

Still, the green orbs Mickey missed so much lit up the moment he noticed Mickey, the corners of his mouth twisting up into a wide smile.

Mickey wasn't any better. He could feel the grin stretching across his face involuntary, yet he did nothing to hide it. Nothing to stop it from spreading. He didn't care to hide the excitement he was feeling upon seeing Ian for the first time in a week.

A week.

His legs moved on their own accord, and in what felt like no time at all, he was engulfed into a hug, Ian's long arms circling him—it was familiar; comfortable, and warm.

"Fucking finally," Ian choked out against Mickey's hair, his lips pressed to the top of his head, cradling his body gently. "I missed you so much."

Mickey tilted his chin up and their lips connected in a brief kiss. Just a peck that turned into a couple more, all loud on the pullback, their limbs still wrapped up in each other.

"Missed you more."

They stared into each other's eyes longingly for a couple of moments—it was probably too soft and sappy for them, but who gave a shit? They hadn't seen each other in a week.

What interrupted them eventually were a few short coughs, as if somebody was clearing their throat.

Mickey glared at Lip, practically forcing himself to tear his eyes away from the man he was holding.

"We done with the reunion or you guys wanna continue making out in the middle of the airport...?"

Ian was the one who flipped him off, finally disentangling himself from Mickey so he could greet his siblings properly and pick Franny up into a long hug. It made Mickey frown, the loss of contact. He forced himself to endure it, though—half an hour of a ride longer and they'd be home alone, free to do whatever the fuck.

Still, as soon as they were done with the obligated reunions and the questions about Florida and Fiona, Ian found himself next to Mickey again, gripping Mickey's palm and intertwining the fingers with his own.

Who gave a shit if anybody was looking? Who gave a shit if Lip was rolling his eyes at the obvious display of affection or if Carl was making obnoxious kissy faces at them as if they haven't been married for a while now—Mickey saw none of that shit.

All Mickey saw was Ian.

[shadyteacup]

Hi! Im the one req 7 for chuuya sorry i didint specified, i just realized it. Can i get angst prompt 7 for chuuya?

Hiya! This pained me to write, so I made it fluffy at the end... sorry if u were looking for pure angst! I can't go to sleep peacefully peacefully after writing angst, I need to clutch my soft toys and cry myself to sleep..

Warnings: Angst to fluff, maybe a swear word at the end.. dw, it's just "bish", but like the actual word.

Word count: 2006 😳yes, I got carried away

Nakahara Chuuya + “Please wake up”

Forewarning

“Don’t move, Chu.”

You grumbled against his chest. It was yet another lazy morning for the two of you. Lazy mornings consisted of waking up late, cuddling on the bed till lunch time, getting dressed and having dinner at some exotic place, going for a long drive, then coming back home. It was a perfect day for a traditional lazy day, except for the fact it was a weekday.

Chuuya sighed. He had to get to work, and so did you. You both couldn’t afford to miss any workdays, considering that you both worked for the same organization, one that didn’t hesitate to punish for untimely work. Chuuya was an executive, and so were you. You both had multiple solo missions planned out for today and one mission wherein you both had to team up. It was going to be quite a busy day, and Chuuya wanted nothing more than to just get it all over with. He was looking forward to some lazy cuddles in the evening, after both of your jobs were done.

“We have to get dressed, dove.”

He tried reasoning with you. You were a workaholic, just like him. It surprised him to see this lazy side of you. But then again, you must be tired, he thought.

“I know. But let’s bunk today!”

You looked up at him with wide eyes, hoping to convince him.

Chuckling, he pet your head affectionately.

“The mafia isn’t some school that you could just bunk. Besides, don’t you love working?”

You frowned at that. You were feeling weird today. It’s like something was forewarning you. But about what?

“I just have a bad feeling about today. I don’t know why, but I feel like something bad is going to happen.”

He sighed. He was never one to believe I such things. That was why you weren’t telling him until now.

“We work in the mafia. How worse can it get?”

“I suppose you’re right.”

You smiled, getting up to get ready.

....

“The target is in the warehouse.”

Chuuya said to you. You both were currently seated in Chuuya’ s car, parked on a hill. Your stakeout point had a clear view of an abandoned warehouse. Apparently, it was the location where a rival gang was coordinating with some members of the mafia and stealing their goods. You both had already executed the moles and had sent in one of your trusted members as a pretend mole. He would send you both a signal when he felt that the security was the weakest at the entrance. You both would then attack. He was supposed to cause a commotion in there, resulting in majority of the guards to rush inside and leave the entrance wide open for you two. Your men had already sealed all exits to ensure no one got out. Now you were both waiting for the signal.

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.”

Chuuya pouted at your jab.

“I was just being thorough!”

“By stating the obvious?”

“You’re so mean.”

“Says the angry redhead.”

“What has my hair got to do with anything?!”

“Your hair has got to do with everything! I-”

A sharp sound was heard. Both you and Chuuya were blinded for a second as white filled your vision. You felt your torso pinch a little. It almost felt like someone was sticking a few needles into your tummy. You heard screams. They sounded frantic. A few moments later, your vision cleared, and you saw yourself floating in the air, a frantic Chuuya saying something to you. It all sounded mangled and mixed up. If you could have laughed at the moment, you would have laughed at how funny he sounded.

The screams had turned to cries, now. You were so confused. Who was crying? And why was Chuuya pressing down on your stomach?

Looking down, you saw the blood. There was blood everywhere. It had completely soaked your shirt. Chuuya was using his ability and his hands to keep it in. He seemed hurried. His eyes were watery, and streams of tears were flowing down his cheeks.

Finally understanding the situation, you realised that you were injured. Looking down at your torso, you saw the two bullet wounds. And now, you finally felt them. The pain was overwhelming. It rushed in like water at the breaking of a dam. It completely filled you up. You now realised that those cries of pain were actually your own. You wished to have never woken from your daze. You wanted to remain oblivious. You wanted the pain to go back to mere pinpricks. It was too much. Succumbing to the enormous pain, you let your eyes shut close. You realised that your body was going to sleep. Maybe for the last time.

....

Chuuya sat in a chair next to your sleeping form. You were lying unconscious on the clean white sheets of the hospital bed. Your entire torso was covered in bandages. You had taken two bullets, one in the side and one right next to your belly button. The doctors were able to save you in time, and it was a matter of time till you gained consciousness.

Chuuya held his face in his hands. The memories of just moments prior to visiting the hospital kept running through his head. He kept seeing flashes of your blood oozing out of your body. He kept remembering the way your eyes had glazed over while he tried to apply pressure on your wounds. There was so much blood. His mere two hands were proving to be inefficient. So, he had activated his ability to push the blood back in. He had no clue if that had helped. He remembered activating his ability the moment you had let out a blood curdling scream. He had levitated you both out of the car and high up in the night sky.

He should have listened to you. Your forewarnings were right. Something terrible had ended up happening. The mole he had sent inside was found murdered by the backup team, and the head of the organization had fled. His men had taken up sniping positions all across the hills. Two of them had shot you at once. He remembered going on a mad spree and pelting boulders at all the men in his sight using his ability right before he flew to the hospital with you in his arms.

“Has she gained consciousness?”, the doctor asked as she peeked in. Chuuya had asked all medical personnel to leave him alone with his sweetheart, a little too passionately, after they were done treating you, and hence the poor doctor was a tad bit scared to check up on your vitals.

Chuuya whipped his head up.

“No.”

The doctor scrunched her brows in worry. Rushing in, she did some tests.

“I’m sorry, sir, but if the patient doesn’t wake up in another hour, we will have to declare a coma condition.”

“What?!”

The doctor jumped at his outburst, but answered him, nonetheless.

“The body is behaving as if it is already in coma. This can also be because it is repairing itself. It doesn’t necessarily have to be coma.”

She sighed.

“But, if the patient retains this state of unconsciousness, we will have to rule out a natural healing process. I suggest you try to communicate with the patient. Sit close, hold hands, maintain physical contact. Try speaking. That way, maybe the body will react to a familiar scent, touch or voice, and gain consciousness.”

Chuuya gulped, worried, and nodded.

“I understand.”

He shakily made his way to your face, observing your serene features. He hesitantly put your hair behind your ear, breathing unsteadily. He felt immense guilt and anger. He was guilty of not paying your uneasiness an ear, and he was angry because he couldn’t save you. If only he had been more vigilant, more aware of his surroundings, he would have been able to smell a rat.

“I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have been able to protect you.”

He gasped inaudibly, trying to keep his sobs in. He couldn’t stop the tears. They flowed freely down his cheeks, a symbol of his immense fear of losing you. He couldn’t bear the idea of loosing you. It might be selfish of him, but he wanted you to live, because God-forbid, if you didn’t, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. He knew that if such a devastating situation ever occurred, he would lose all sanity and go mad. He would lose his mental balance and completely fall off the edge. He couldn’t bear to be separated from you for two days, forget the rest of his lifetime.

He caressed your cheek, smiling bitterly at your sleeping form. Nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck, he let himself truly cry. He let out all his emotions into your hair. He found comfort in your warmth. He has always felt the safest in your embrace. That’s where he could truly be himself.

He didn’t realise how long it had been when he began talking to you. Telling you how much he loved you and how he couldn’t live without you. He pondered on how he would take his life if you left him.

“I’d have to go to that stupid mackerel for guidance. But then again, he has been unsuccessful in killing himself for 22 years. He’s probably the worst suicidal guy out there.”

He was lying next to you now, cradling your frail form in his arms.

The doctor waltzed in, a serious and sorrowful expression straining her pretty features.

“Nakahara-san, I’m so sorry.”

Chuuya gritted his teeth, holding onto you tighter.

“No! There’s still a chance that-”

“Its hopeless. The patient has already been in this state for 16 hours.”

“16 hours?”

The doctor smiled sympathetically.

“I gave you a lot more time. I thought maybe the constant contact would help. But sadly, it’s out of our hands now.”

Chuuya sat up, holding your face in his large palms.

“Wake up! Wake up, damnit!”

He shook you gently, desperate to get any kind of reaction out of you.

“Nakahara-san! Please get away from the patient! You mustn’t cause any harm! Security?!”

The doctor rushed forward to pull Chuuya off of you, but he held onto you. He grabbed your arms, looping his own around them and pulling you towards him.

“Wake up!”

He rested his face on your chest, sobs escaping him.

“Please... please wake up...”

The doctor reached forward to clasp his shoulder, trying to pry him off of you.

A large gasp followed by couple of coughs were heard.

You took in a large breath, trying to swallow. Your throat was dry and scratchy.

“Y/N!”

Looking up, you saw Chuuya holding you in his arms, a relieved and surprised expression on his elegant features.

“Hey.”

Your voice sounded raspy, but it was music to his ears.

He engulfed you in a hug, one that knocked the air out of your lungs.

“She’s still a patient!”

The doctor reprimanded as the security guards pulled Chuuya off of you.

You smiled at the tiny ginger.

“I’m alive, Chu. Stop being dramatic.”

Chuuya laughed at your carefree attitude. He didn’t resist the men as they pulled him out of the room. He was relieved to see you awake. He didn’t care about anything else. Just as he was about to leave, you spoke up.

“Call Gin and tell her that I’m not dead!”

“You don’t need to call me, idiot. I was waiting right outside.”

You smiled as she walked in, giving you a hug.

“Why does she get to go in but not me?!”

Chuuya whined.

“Hey Gin, guess what?”

Gin smiled at you, sitting at the edge of your bed at the nurses did their check-ups.

“What?”

“I’m alive, bitch!”

Your snickers could be heard till the hallway, where the rest of your friends were seated. Shaking his head, Tachihara snickered.

“Good ol’ Y/N.”

[pndnj]

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend. 

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41-  1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something  I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t  no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec,  get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone  I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone,  it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor,  cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up,  a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't  the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all,  I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker,  i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun,  seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some,  get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice,  i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon,  this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles  in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another